#not sure the decision to retire is out of concern for car failing or only to save the engine tho | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

rocknrollarticles · 4 years

Text

The Artwoods Story

The Artwoods’ 100 Oxford Street is a UK compilation album released in 1983 that features a four-page booklet (pictured above) that tells the band’s story, written by guitarist Derek Griffiths.

Since there's a limit on the number of photos that can be added to one post, I'll be reblogging this a couple times until I have all the info up. To see this post with all the info added in reblogs, click here.

Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoy Derek’s words as much as I do!

Transcript under the cut (main text + Record Mirror article from page three's rightmost side)

“ It's difficult to pinpoint exactly when the Artwoods came into being because everything just seemed to evolve naturally. The one date however that does stick in my mind is the 1st October 1964 which is the date I turned professional, thus depriving the accountancy profession of a valuable addition to its ranks! But seriously, one must go back to previous events in order to trace the history of the group.

I first met Jon Lord at a party in West Hampstead when he was a drama student at The Central School of Speech & Drama. He was introduced to me by Don Wilson whose claim to fame was his membership of the famous skiffle group Dickie Bishop & His Sidekicks. They had had a hit years previously with "No Other Baby But You", and Don now ran a band on a semi-pro basis called Red Bludd's Bluesicians in which I played guitar. Well, I say we were called this, but only when we were fortunate enough to cop an R&B gig. We used to play The Flamingo Allnighter and lots of U.S. air bases. The rest of the time we played weddings and tennis club dances as The Don Wilson Quartet! Jon Lord was brought in on piano and was a very valuable addition especially as he could get his hands around a little jazz and all the old standards. Jon used to ring me at work and interrupt my vouching of sales ledger invoices in order to discuss the coming weekends gigs. We would bubble with excitement at the approach of an R&B gig as we really hated all the weddings and barmitzvahs.

Around this time Don made a very important policy decision and we suddenly became the proud owners of a Lowrey Holiday organ for Jon to play. Shortly after this Don contrived to drive the band-wagon into the back of a lorry on the North Circular, doing himself considerable mischief in the process. This brought about the unfortunate end of Don's career with us, but not before he had masterminded an important merger of two local bands.

For some time we had been aware, and not a little envious, of The Art Wood Combo led by none other than Art Wood himself. His band underwent a split at that time and Red Bludd's Bluesicians, alias The Don Wilson Quartet, were neatly grafted on. We really felt we were moving into the big league by doing this as Art not only had more work than us but, wait for it, used to sing with Alexis Korner's Blues Incorporated with Charlie Watts on drums and Cyril Davies on harmonica! The next problem was a replacement for Don, and this was solved by stealing the bass player from another local group The Roadrunners, a good looking cove who went by the name of Malcolm Pool. The offer and acceptance of the gig were transacted in a pub car park somewhere in West Drayton staring into the murky waters of the Grand Union Canal clutching pints of local bitter (Fullers?). (Authors note: drugs had not been invented at this stage, as far as most groups were concerned, apart from the odd pill to keep one awake on an all nighter!)

The next personnel change took place some time in 1964 and this involved the retirement of drummer Reg Dunnage, who did not want to turn pro. Auditions were held in London and lots of drummers attended. However it was more or less a foregone conclusion that Keef Hartley would get the job. You see we'd already decided that what The Artwoods needed above all else was a Liverpool drummer! Unfortunately none came to the audition, but Keef hailed from Preston which was near enough for us. Keef had previously played with Rory Storm & The Hurricanes, replacing Ringo Starr in the process (heady stuff this), and Freddy Starr & The Midnighters. Both were such influential bands of their time that these credentials combined with Keef's quasi Liverpool accent (at least to our ears) provided him with a faultless pedigree.

So that was it, the line-up that would take us through to 1967 when Colin Martin eventually replaced Keef Hartley on drums.

For a while we worked as The Art Wood Combo but then decided it was hipper to drop the Combo and become The Artwoods.

The period when The Artwoods were operating was one of musical change when groups went from recording and performing other writers' material to writing their own. In fact the last year of the group's existence was 1967 which heralded the arrival of "Hendrix", "Flower-Power". "Festivals" and experimental use of mind expanding drugs! 1966/67 were particularly exciting years to be based in London and every night would be spent in one of the many clubs which had recently sprung up. The Ad Lib, The Scotch of St. James, The Cromwellian, Blaises and of course The Speakeasy to mention a few. Many of these we played in and the trick was to be well known enough not to have to pay the entrance fee on nights off. Any night you could be sure to meet your mates "down The Speak" and it became the unofficial market place for rock musicians.

It was also the days before huge amounts of equipment took over. Equipment meant road-crew and trucks and in turn financial hardship. This simple equation has been the downfall of many bands over the years. We used to travel in a 15 cwt van together with all the gear-no roadies, just us. It's amusing to recall but after recording the TV show "Ready, Steady, Go" (in Kingsway in those days?) one would be besieged by autograph hunters on the way to the van with the gear. Even really 'big groups of the day like The Zombies would hump their own equipment and apologetically place an amp on the ground in order to sign an autograph! Because it was financially viable to travel to small clubs in this way, we would often average 6 or 7 nights a week, every week, on the road. A bad month would probably mean less than twenty gigs. This meant we were living, sleeping and eating in close, and I mean close, proximity. You really found out who your friends were.

The subject of equipment is an interesting one as it really distinguishes the bands then from those of today. The average pub band of today would carry more equipment than we did. As I've already mentioned we were quick to realise that we could elevate ourselves musically by investing in a proper electric organ as opposed to a Vox Continental or Farfisa that many groups used. Consequently the group purchased a Lowrey Holiday and we thought this alone would provide us with the Booker T and Jimmy Smith sound.

What we failed to realize was that we also needed a Leslie cabinet with a special built-in rotor to get that "wobbly" sound. Our friend and mentor Graham Bond, the legendary organist/saxophonist, was quick to point out the error of our ways one night when we were gigging at Klooks Kleek in West Hampstead. We groaned inwardly when we discovered the extra cost and humping involved, but it had to be bought. We were fortunate very early on to score a deal with Selmers, who provided us with free amps and P.A., but we had to make the trek to Theobalds Road once a week to get it all serviced as they were not as reliable in those days. I used a Selmer Zodiac 50 watt amp and Malcolm had Goliath bass cabinets with a stereo amp.

The P.A. comprised two 4 x 12 cabinets and a 100 watt amp! When we toured Poland we played in vast auditoria and linked our system with the Vox system being used on tour by Billy J Kramer & The Dakotas. This meant we were pumping out no more than 300 watts which is laughable by today's standards. Although it would never have compared in quality, I can remember standing at the back of extremely large halls and being able to hear clearly all the words Billy J sang. One day in 1963 Alexis Korner sent me off foraging in and around Charing Cross Road for a new guitar, with instructions to mention his name whereupon I would receive a discount of 10%. Previously I played a Burns Trisonic (collectors will appreciate this model did not have "Wild Dog" treble) but fancied owning a Gibson ES335 as favoured by many blues players. Sure enough one was hanging invitingly in the window of Lew Davis's shop.

I ended up paying £135 and still use it regularly today although its value has multiplied five fold. Malcolm came with me that day and bought an Epiphone bass, the same colour and shape as my guitar. For years we looked like matching book-ends on either end of the group! Keef started off using a Rodgers drum kit, but somewhere along the line changed to, I think, Ludwig. There was no out-front mixing as is common today, just the P.A. amp on stage with the vocalist. Primitive I know, but everything revolved around bands being able to travel economically with their gear and perform at small clubs anywhere in Britain. The college circuit was much sought after and provided the icing on the cake while package tours were not necessarily well paid. We did our first with P. J. Proby and got £25 per night (for the lot of us) and we had to pay for our own accommodation!

I have already mentioned "Ready, Steady, Go" a show on which we appeared on more than one occasion. The original format called for groups to mime to their records but after a time it was decided that it would become "live" and that the show would be re-titled "Ready Steady Goes Live". We were proud to be picked for the first "live" show and learnt the news via a telephone call to our agent in London from a phone box high in the Pennines. We managed a drunken war-dance of celebration round the phone box believing that this meant we'd really cracked it. As I remember the first show we did featured Tom Jones (complete with lucky rabbits foot) miming to "It's Not Unusual", The Kinks, Donovan and Adam Faith's Roulettes playing live (without Adam). We were promoting our first single "Sweet Mary" and I would put the date at around late 1964.

Our first recording deal was with a subsidiary of Southern Music Publishing called Iver Productions and I reckon that would have been mid 1964. Southern had a four track studio in the basement of their offices in Denmark Street ("The Street") and getting the gear downstairs, especially the organ, was "murder". Our first producer was Terry Kennedy and we recorded several tracks with him. Without going too deeply into all the details of recording techniques of the period, one tended to compensate for the lack of tracking facilities available, by attempting to duplicate the live excitement. In many ways it was a frustrating experience particularly for ambitious guitar-players. I was a Steve Cropper freak and I knew as a musician that a lot of his sound on record resulted from him working his amplifier hard in the studio— thus the speaker would emit the sound he was used to on stage. In Britain however, engineers would say "You don't need to play loud man, we can turn you up on the desk". The result was a weedy, thin guitar sound. From way back I'd been experimenting with "feed back" on stage and I really had to dig my heels in about the guitar sound in the studio. Once when I turned my amp up to give it a bit of "wellie" on a solo the engineer bounded out of the control room screaming that the level would bust his microphones!

Sometime during the career of The Artwoods it was decided that we should graduate to a better studio. This was arranged by Mike Vernon who also became our producer. Our records had all been released through the Decca Record Co. and Mike was a staff producer with them. Mike w also an authority on "The Blues" and the relationship led to our only single chart record "I Take What I Want" a cover of a Sam & Dave U.S. R&B hit. Mike was also producing John Mayall at the time and it seemed only natural that Mike and The Artwoods should team up. From this point on we recorded at the Decca studio in Broadhurst Gardens, West Hampstead, but I can't honestly say it did any more for us than our previous efforts in the Southern Music basement, although we could now indulge ourselves in the comparative luxury of the eight track studio. Later on, towards the end of the groups life we were signed by Jack Baverstock at Philips Records who was looking for a group to cash in on the thirties-style gangster craze which had been triggered off by the film "Bonnie & Clyde". As a result we changed our name to "St. Valentines Day Massacre" and released a single of the old Bing Crosby hit "Brother Can You Spare A Dime?" It was an ill- fated venture, which I would prefer not to dwell on, virtually signalling the end of the band apart from a few heavy-hearted gigs with a changed line-up.

Before that though, there were many great times to remember, and a fair number of gigs that were memorable in one way or another.

One of our favourite gigs was Eel Pie Island which we regularly played once a month; in fact we held the attendance record there for a while until the ageing blues artist Jesse Fuller took it from us. Eel Pie Island is literally an island in the middle of the River Thames at Twickenham and there's never been a gig like it since. It was an Edwardian ballroom originally I believe, that achieved notoriety in the 50's with the Trad Jazz boom. At that time, an overloaded chain ferry was used to convey the crowd across the river, but during the 60's a small bridge was in existence although it was only wide enough to take the promoter Art Chisnall's mini van. He had to make three separate trips across with the gear strapped to the roof and hanging out the back doors.

The audiences were exceptional for those times and I don't know where they all came from... very much like art students and very much more like the 70's than 60's. Long hair predominated and this was before 'hippies' had officially been invented! If you can imagine a ramshackle wooden ballroom, bursting at the seams, condensation pouring from the walls, the audience on each others shoulders leaping up and down, the sprung dance floor bending alarmingly in the middle, in the summer couples strolling outside and lounging on the river bank ... all this and not a disc jockey in sight! One other bonus was that it was a “free” house and therefore sold many different types of beer— we always favoured Newcastle Brown. Back on the 'mainland' afterwards it was always riotous packing the gear into the truck. I don't know how he managed it but one night Malcolm drove our truck over the support band's guitar which happened to be lying about, thus breaking the neck. I'll never forget the shocked look on that poor guitarist's face as Malcolm smoothly slipped the van into gear, apologised and drove off in that order!

No trip up north was complete without stopping at the famed Blue Boar on the M1 for a "grease-up" on the way home. I do not refer to truck lubrication but to a particular rock'n'roll delicacy known as “full-house”. This comprised double egg, sausage, chips, beans, tomatoes, fried slice, tea, and (if you were man enough) toast. It was considered a Herculean task to break successfully the 10 bob' (50p) barrier-all served on wobbly cardboard plates that doubled as items to sign autographs on for the self service waitresses.

Waitress: What band are you?

Me: You won't have heard of us.

Waitress: Oh go on, tell us.

Me: OK. The Artwoods.

Waitress: Never 'eard of you!

It was everybody’s dream to walk into the Blue Boar just as their hit of the moment was playing on the Juke Box.

One time we were chosen to represent the twentieth century at the centenary celebrations of the State of Monte Carlo— a most lavish affair which the aristocracy and dignatories of Europe attended. Princess Grace and Prince Ranier were the hosts and people like Gina Lollobrigida and the like were there. The ball was held in the famous Casino at Monte Carlo and we stayed in an opulent hotel called The Hermitage, I think. All I can remember is that we all had single rooms (a rare luxury) which were massive, and you could have pitched a tent under one of the bath towels, they were so big. After this we jetted off up to Paris where we played next door to the Moulin Rouge at a club called The Locomotive.

Whilst we were there we were taken out by our friend Mae Mercer, the American lady blues singer who we backed in England. She lived in Paris and took us out to Memphis Slim's club where we all set about drinking like it was going out of style. At the end there was an embarrassing scene concerning the bill with the result that Mae ended up in tears. Whilst we were bumbling about in an alcoholic stupor, an upright looking gentleman put his arm round Mae to comfort her and a wallet appeared magically from his inside pocket. Without further ado the bill was despatched and we later learned that our anonymous benefactor was none other than Peter O'Toole who was busy in the street outside filming 'Night Of The Generals' and was an old buddy of Mae's.

One Boxing Day we loaded up with turkey sandwiches and Xmas pudding and headed off for a gig down in Devon or Cornwall somewhere. We arrived to find the club closed and boarded up, and as usual we were broke. Naturally we were livid, checked into an hotel and located the promoter who lived with his mum. Next morning we drove round to where he lived and burst our way past his confused mum. We found him in his bedroom nervously cowering against some fruit machines which he collected. He had no money so we forced him to empty his damned machines with the result that we drove back to London with 50 quids' worth of 'tanners' (approx 22p for the younger reader!)

Whilst on the subject of disasters I suppose I am duty bound to mention Denmark. The first time we went there we caught the ferry to the continent, drove up through Germany, then caught another ferry to Denmark. There was no promoter to meet us when we arrived so all we could do was drive to Copenhagen and check in at the Grand Hotel. It cost us an arm and a leg but at least we got a good nights sleep after being awake for nearly two days travelling. The next day we made a few phone calls and finally tracked down the promoter. He said: "Didn't you get my telegram cancelling the tour?" We politely said no we hadn't and what did he intend doing with us? He checked us into another hotel (cheaper of course) and set about booking us at places that were similar to English coffee bars and youth clubs. We made enough to survive on and paved the way to more successful tours of that country. In fact by now we had Colin Martin on drums and were pursuing a much more adventurous musical policy and writing our own material. It was just right for Denmark who had taken Hendrix to their hearts to name but one, and we subsequently became quite big there in 1967.

The Artwoods achieved modest success-a minor hit single in "I Take What I Want", but we worked constantly, travelled abroad, had fantastic fun and made a living doing so. We had seven single releases, one album, and one EP, and we broadcast both on radio and TV many times. We did stage tours such as the P. J. Proby tour and covered most aspects of "show-biz" apart from actually making a movie. It was the era when bands still had to prove themselves as a live act before being offered a recording contract. now frequently happens of course that an act can become huge record sellers without so much as venturing to do a live gig.

So what happened to everyone? Well Art returned to his former occupation as a commercial artist and finds some time to fit in free-lance work between accompanying brother Ron Wood on raving excursions between Rolling Stones gigs. Malcolm moved into the same field as Art and they now work in the same building. Both of them gig occasionally on a semi-pro basis although Malcolm spent some time playing with Jon Hiseman's Colosseum and Don Partridge in the early 70's. Jon Lord became famous with Deep Purple and Whitesnake as did Keef Hartley with John Mayall and various bands of his own. Colin Martin is now a BBC Radio producer of repute. I played in various bands such as Lucas and The Mike Cotton Sound, Colin Blunstone's band, Dog Soldier (with Keef again), before I somehow drifted into studio and theatre work. Recently I formed an R'n'B band called the G.B. Blues Company, and it's great to be back on the road again. ”

Derek Griffiths.

Clipping from Record Mirror on June 5, 1965, by Norman Jopling.

“We aim to excite!” … say the Art Woods

Just for the record, the Art Woods aren't a part of Epping Forest. In fact they're a group of five interesting young men, named after the group's leader Art Wood. They also happen to be one of the most realistic groups on the scene.

For a start, they are the awkward position of having a large following, a club residency but no hit record. Secondly. they don't mind pandering to commercial tastes, even though they have been hailed as one of the most authentic R & B groups in the land.

NO PULL

“But authentic R&B just isn't pulling the crowds any more,” says Art. “The audiences want to be excited, not to be lectured on what is 'good' and what is 'bad'. Although there was a time when you could spend half an hour on one number with long solos by everybody, it didn't last long. And although there are some clubs like that still, most of them want something fresh and new.

“And we try to cater for them. We like authentic R&B, but we also like playing everything and anything else. So far, our two discs haven't meant a light. Of course we'd love a hit. But we're lucky enough to make a good living without one.”

DISCS

The Art Woods latest disc is "Oh My Love" and the one before that “Sweet Mary”. Of them Little Walter has said that he couldn't believe any white group could sing and play the blues like they do.

Line-up of the group is Art Wood, leader. vocalist and harmonica. Derek Griffiths, lead guitar, Jon Lord, organ and piano. Malcolm Pool— base guitar, and Keef Hartley on drums. The boys use a specially adapted Lowrie organ, and get a sound that's really different.

But even if the boys sometimes become depressed about no hits records, they should remember groups like Cliff Bennett, the Barron-Knights, the Rockin' Berries and the Yardbirds, and how long THEY waited before they had a hit!

N.J.

#the artwoods #the art woods #art wood #derek griffiths #malcolm pool #jon lord #keef hartley #colin martin #100 oxford street #the 100 club #articles #liner notes #newspaper clippings #record mirror #my posts

10 notes · View notes

writingpuddle · 5 years

Note

The foxes and Andrew reacting to Neil with a British accent?

Hey anon im p sure you sent me this like a million years agobut I found it again when going thru my asks yesterday so here goes myattempt at a bulletpoint fic:

Neil grew up in the states, sohis default accent is American, but he is ridiculouslygood at imitating. Like give him a ten second audio clip and he canextrapolate basically an entire dialect from it

The Foxes discover this aroundHalloween when watching a spooky movie and Neil goes into a perfect deadpanmockery of the Dracula character’s terrible Transylvanian accent

It becomes a thing

The Foxes will give him an accentand just set him loose

Neil is kind of surprised bytheir enthusiasm but also secretly very pleased to have found a way to amusehis Foxes

He likes making them happy so henever denies them

Except Kevin, but that is mostlybecause the team gets more amusement from watching Kevin get frustrated and trynot to show how annoyed he is over Neil being such a petty little asshole

Also they discover that if Neilputs on an Irish accent when Kevin isn’t paying attention he will absolutelyJUMP

Give him an order in an Irishaccent and he just instantly starts to follow through before he wakes up,blinking in disorientation as he realizes what he was doing

It’s funny at first, then theyrealize it’s because he associates the accent with his mother, and then itskind of sad, and then Kevin starts telling more stories about his mum and someof the few good memories he has of her, and then it gets funny again because Foxesare Foxes and they do love a good roast

Kevin complains outwardly but itsactually kind of cathartic to talk about his mother

He tells Andrew this inconfidence and Andrew just glares at him like no shit dude, you need fuckingtherapy

Anyways

That summer is going to be thesummer of the girls graduation

So they’re all determined to dosomething big to celebrate

And they get it in their heads todo a Eurotrip

Neil isn’t really payingattention at first because he’s more concerned about whether Andrew will bewilling to do a transatlantic flight

(Andrew is obviously going tocome. Flights suck, but there is no way he can cope with his whole family beingthat far away. He does not feel the need to explain this. It should beobvious.)

That’s when the Foxes pause, alldevious.

They’ve been plotting

“So, Neil,” Allison says. “At what point are you going to introduce usto your British uncle?”

Neil does not see where this isgoing

In fact he is largely baffled bythe suggestion.

“You realize my uncle is agangster, right? Like, literally a crime boss. Possibly the most dangerousperson in Britain.”

“Mm-hmmmmm.”

Neil is ???

“But he saved you Neil,” Nicky says emphatically. “We need to thank him.”

“Uh, kind of by accident, butyeah, technically.”

“You should call him. Just toask. You know, at least give the guy some warning that you’ll be in the area.”

Neil is still kinda confused butokay, fine.

Now here’s the thing

The Foxes have heard any numberof accents from Neil by this point

Including a magnificent Godfatherimitation

And probably half a dozendifferent British ones

But those were always for the laughs

He always picked a terribleaccent or would mock the living hell out of a posh one

Neil isn’t used to being thefunny one so he’s trying his best okay

And it’s fun and all but Neil can’tbe seductive to save his life

Even if you made him speak theFrench, the language of love itself,he’d just sound like he’s talking about the next game because he has zeroflirtability

Face it his and Andrew’sflirting sounds kind of like death threats to outsiders

They deserve each other

SO the Foxes convince Neil tocall up his uncle and they huddle around the phone

Only to be utterly disappointed

Neil talks with Stuart for all ofa minute and a half, just normal voice

He hangs up and tells them thatStuart will meet them in London in May and that they’re going to get him inshit with the FBI for this

The Foxes retreat, mutteringmutinously

Andrew is well aware of what’sgoing on, but it’s halfway amusing so he doesn’t say anything

As the months pass the Foxesbecome increasingly desperate in their attempts to make Neil say something sexy

They make him quote movies, TVshows, read out flirty text messages

One memorable time they even gethim to read out a page from Fifty Shades of Grey in a stuck-up British accent

They almost die laughing

It’s like a fucking superpower

Neil can say absolutely anythingand make it come across totally non-sexual

The Foxes have pretty much givenup by the time the summer trip comes around

Neil spends the plane ridepretending not to fuss over Andrew so by the time he arrives he’s totallyexhausted

And here is what he didn’texpect:

He is totally used to listeningto the local accents and then blending in naturally

It’s very disorienting beingamong the Foxes and their various Americanism, but hearing British accents allaround him

And his instincts are snarled upin knots

Plus he’s fucking tired

So he keeps slipping

First it happens when they passthrough customs, just a little lilt to his voice to put the officer at ease

But then it keeps happening

Stuart sends a couple cars topick them up and take them to this massive place he owns right in centralLondon

Being a crimeboss comes withcertain perks okay

Neil slips up again when he’stalking to the driver, his accent washing back and forth

Everyone else isn’t really payingattention because as excited as they are about Neil’s accent they’re in London and they’re all exhausted and fora lot of them it’s the first time they’ve been outside of the States, ever

Andrew notices

But he doesn’t say anything

They get to the apartment andfind a note there from Stuart saying he’ll pick them up tomorrow for a tour

Everyone splits off into theirrooms to sleep

Neil falls into bed exhausted, but sleep doesn’t come

And Andrew knows this but is tooexhausted himself from the stress of flying to deal with it right away

So he just wraps an arm aroundNeil’s stomach and holds him there as he drifts off

And it’s not enough for Neil toreally relax but it’s enough to make him feel grounded

The next morning Stuart shows upand everyone blinks at him bleary eyed and suspicious

But he’s charming and most ofthem find it kinda disarming

Which is how the Foxes end up takingwhat is probably the most expensive tour they’ve ever had (Allison excepted),lead entirely by a crime boss

Neil is lagging behind a bit buteveryone is so caught up in it that they don’t really notice

Except Andrew

That boy is always attuned to Neil

So he drops back with him andthey have a brief intense staring contest which ends in Neil looking away

They’re standing in Trafalgarsquare watching some street performers so no one is listening

Neil is obviously chewing onsomething and Andrew waits him out

He would wait forever

Finally, Neil just says, “I’vebeen here before.”

Which isn’t much but Andrew’smemory has never failed him before

I couldn’t live there again. I couldn’t retrace my steps to any ofthose places

Andrew knows what its like to feelsick at things that other people would love

So he nods and stands next toNeil the whole day

Not quite touching but closeenough that they can feel each others gravity

At the end of the day Stuart andNeil have a very cordial goodbye and then Stuart leaves them back at theapartment

Everyone is gushing about how charismatiche is and Neil doesn’t bother to correct them

His uncle has always been a bitof a snake-charmer but at least he knows he’ll never hurt his Foxes

They’ve still got a few days inLondon and Stuart’s secured them tickets to an underground dungeon tour thingthat usually has months worth of waiting list

Neil’s a little leery of goinginto a dark underground space, but with his Foxes there he’s sure he’ll beFine™

The team breaks out drinks aftersupper but Neil doesn’t have the energy

(Honestly according to thistimeline they’ve been in London for twenty-four hours they should be jet-laggedto hell and back, but w/e)

So he retires to their room andAndrew follows him like he always will

He sits next to Neil on the bedand waits

God there’s so much fuckingpointed silence between these two dear lord guys learn to communicate

Eventually Neil sighs. “I thoughtit would be okay. With all of them here.”

Andrew mulls that over

He doesn’t know how to admit thatit bothers him too. Seeing Neil reverting back to old habits, trying to blendin like its second nature

But he knows Neil is here to stayso he just slips a hand around the back of Neil’s neck and tugs him in untiltheir foreheads touch, breathing in the same air

Gradually the tension eases outof Neil

“We can go home,” Andrew says

“No,” Neil says. “I want to stay.I want to learn how to…do all of this, as Neil.”

Andrew squeezes the back of hisneck one more time. “Okay.”

It’s a silent promise, one he’sbeen keeping for over a year now: that any time Neil drifts too far, Andrewwill keep him anchored.

Neil knows it and he can’t helpbut smile a little, watching Andrew’s hazel eyes disappear into the shadowbetween their faces.

“Yes or no?” he asks

Andrew draws back a little

“You’ve been dissociating allday.”

“I’m here now.”

Andrew scowls and let’s go ofhim, standing up to go dig out his pajamas from his luggage

Neil flops down on the bed andadmires the view while Andrew changes

(That’s a nice thing. Andrewbeing comfortable enough to change in front of him. Sure, he’s always partiallychanged out in the locker room, but in private it’s different. It’s more. And Andrew is willing to give thatto Neil.)

(It’s very nice.)

“Staring,” Andrew grunts

“Can you blame me?”

“Yes.”

Neil sits up again and tugs onthe front of Andrew’s shirt until he gives in and steps up close, betweenNeil’s legs

His hands go to Neil’s sideswithout conscious decision

“Nicky wants the genuine Europeexperience,” Neil murmurs, toying with Andrew’s hem. He still hasn’t been givenpermission to touch, so he doesn’t. “We’re going to be staying in hostels.Might be the last time we have a room to ourselves.”

Andrew bites down on a thousandimpulses, reflexes to shut Neil down, cuthim out

Instead he just kisses Neil, goodand slow, a reassurance that they’re there,they’re real, and that this isn’t going away

“Andrew—”

“Yes,” he says, and pushes Neilback onto the bed.

You know what happens next

They love each other deeply andprofoundly and all that but they also like each other’s butts ya know

So afterwards they get cleaned upand curl back up in bed to sleep

Andrew climbs over Neil andnearly knees him in the balls and Neil’s laughing a little and Andrew scowls inannoyance as Neil scoots closer

And with the most obnoxious chav accent that’s ever been heard says, “Any chance a bloke could get a bit of a snog before bed?”

It is quite possibly the worstthing Neil has ever said and Andrew does not hesitate in slapping a pillow overhis face to try and smother him

Neil is laughing his ass off andit devolves into some pretty stupid wrestling before Andrew gets Neil pinneddown, straddling his hips

“Bloody wanker,” Neil says, unable to contain his grin

“Shut the fuck up,” Andrew says,and kisses him so that he does.

#i dont think this is what you asked for but its what my brain spat out lol #anon #writing prompt #have i been sitting on this for months?#probably #aftg #andrew minyard #neil josten #andreil #accents #fic #my writing #Chav!Neil #the foxes go on vacation

1K notes · View notes

marginalgloss · 4 years

Text

A little while ago I wrote about Swimming to Cambodia, a copy of which I discovered in a charity shop. I read it and I liked it a lot. And then for a while I forgot about Spalding Gray until one day my wife pointed him out to me in the film Beaches. I think he played a doctor of some kind — I wasn’t really paying attention — but it was enough to get me thinking about his stuff again.

I started trawling YouTube for what I could find. Most of his stuff is out of print, but there at least you can find a few of the monologues — Terrors of Pleasure, Gray’s Anatomy and It’s a Slippery Slope are all delightful. The most interesting primer is Steven Soderbergh’s documentary And Everything is Going Fine, which is assembled entirely from excerpts from Gray’s monologues and interviews. It’s a deft, skilful, and beautifully elegiac piece of work which feels more like one great final performance than it does a conventional biography. Appropriate, perhaps, given that so much of what Gray did was rendering up his life through storytelling.

I also bought a couple of books: Impossible Vacation, which is the only novel Gray published, and the posthumous collection of extracts from his journals. Apparently he laboured for years over the text of Impossible Vacation, with the original draft running to over a thousand pages — the monologue Monster in a Box was actually performed with the manuscript sitting in a scruffy cardboard box at his elbow. The final published form of Impossible Vacation is a relatively svelte few hundred pages in paperback, which is enough to make anyone wonder about the scale of the original.

I was expecting Impossible Vacation to be a bit more novel-like. I was expecting a modern American comic story along the lines of A Confederacy of Dunces, perhaps. But in fact, the novel is a lightly fictionalised version of Gray’s own life. And that’s about as ‘light’ as it gets: it’s funny, but it’s also just as self-involved as any of his monologues. Gray’s protagonist is renamed Brewster North, but not much detective work is required to map North to the author. Much of the novel is mirrored elsewhere in Gray’s stories from the stage: the trip to India, his brief stint as an actor in pornographic movies, the experimental theatre scene in New York; and above all the memory of his mother, and the lasting effects of her suicide.

If you read (and watch) far enough into Gray’s work it feels a little like wandering into a hall of mirrors: we see the same selves and preoccupations reflected over and over again, sometimes in distorted or disturbing ways. Glimpsed in passing the effect is comic, but after a while the effect becomes haunting. There is a moment in Gray’s Anatomy where he describes watching a student in a storytelling workshop, and staring into her eyes, and watching her face somehow disintegrate until the flesh falls from her skull and her face becomes a sort of ball of white light. Sometimes that’s what reading his stories feels like: the contortions of history and storytelling are subject to a relentless focus that becomes so intense that the reader is lulled into a sort of hypnotic compliance.

This feeling of falling into a sort of dissociative trance is not uncommon in his work; it seems emblematic of a sort of transcendental feeling that Gray was perpetually striving for. Hence the dream of the ‘perfect moment’ in Swimming to Cambodia, hence escapism via skiing in It’s a Slippery Slope. Set against that dream of escape is everything the real world has to offer: the anguish of the domestic; the problems caused by anxiety, depression, drinking; the sad, strange, tortuous complications of his love life. In these respects, it hasn’t aged well – I can imagine audiences today having a little less patience for Gray’s occasional sways into mysticism. And his attitude towards women might at times be generously described as ‘problematic’. In the 90s perhaps it was easier to dismiss his casual reports of philandering as the trappings of the tortured artist; today it only seems sad, and a little wearying.

So why is it that I find his stuff so appealing? I’m not in the habit of reading biography. I like podcasts, but while Gray seems like a model for all kinds of modern tendencies in vlogging, I’m not aware of anyone who is doing exactly what he did in the same way he did it. Current trends towards the confessional in stand-up comedy don’t quite fit, either. The form of the thing is so important. He was as much a performer as he was a storyteller. The closest equivalent that I know of is David Sedaris, and I find his stuff intolerable. There are a few reasons for this, but to me Sedaris always seems convinced that the problem is with other people. He is stuck in a mode of perpetual disdain. But with Gray, we are never really left in any doubt that this author is in fact the only author of his own troubles. And yet he also knows how to have fun, sometimes; and I find that endearing because it seems to me more honest, and less spiteful.

One point of comparison is Proust. I don’t mean to say Gray’s prose is exactly Proustian, but they have an endearing amount in common. There’s a perpetual anxiety about death and entropy that often manifests itself as hypochondria. There’s the obsession with the mother, the retiring nature, the preoccupation with irony. The pursuit of the perfect moment through which emotion can become recollected in tranquility. And though both took to entirely different forms of media, it seems like both were attempting something a level of formal innovation which, while initially seeming familiar, approached a new way of committing memory and experience into art.

Impossible Vacation is often intense but it’s not always laugh-out-loud funny. More often it seems possessed by a restless, struggling, enquiring energy. Sometimes the writing is inspired, but it lacks form – the feeling of form that was so dominant in the monologues themselves. As it stands, you wouldn’t consider half of the things that go on in the book as the plot for a novel because (like life) they don’t entirely cohere. And the story ends before it ever really begins, though it does at least contrive a neat circular ending that recalls (lightly) Finnegans Wake.

Still, it’s a shame that the novel is out of print because, much like his monologues, it’s certainly worthwhile; the published journals of Spalding Gray are an entirely different and more difficult thing. The journals are kind of a mess. An enormous amount of biographical heavy lifting is provided by the notes and annotations by the editor, Nell Casey, and without this context any reader would struggle to discern what was going on. But the notes are pretty comprehensive, and in the end this seems as close to a biography as we are ever likely to get. It does, however, take a long time to get going. The journal entries all through the 70s and early 80s are sketchy, and not especially interesting. A lot of the time they’re purely expressive, and we have to be told what it is exactly that they are referring to. It’s only once the monologues get going that his private style becomes elaborate and involved enough to be worth reading.

The picture we get of Gray is less of a single-minded auteur and more of a man who sort of wandered-or-fell into fame as a monologuist. After the fame and exposure of Swimming to Cambodia there is a sense of freewheeling — of doing what he’s doing because it’s what he does, and it’s rarely entirely under his own steam. He is perpetually worried, questioning, uncomfortable. Eventually he would become concerned with the idea that he had used himself up, and that he had no private life worth living outside the performances. But some of this was ameliorated by the late in life arrival of children and a more settled family situation. For a while, he thought himself happier than he had ever been.

In 2001, Gray was involved in a terrible car crash while on holiday in Ireland. His injuries included a broken hip and a fractured skull that likely caused brain damage. The accident changed his life, and afterwards he was never the same. The journal entries from after this point are harrowing — there is no other word for it. I knew of his eventual suicide, but I had no idea until of the extent to which depression utterly consumed his life. I didn’t know about the frequent hospitalisations, the shock treatment, and the pain his failed suicide attempts caused on others. There aren’t many extracts from this time shown, but what we are given was enough at times to make me wonder if any of it should have been published at all. But perhaps there is a purpose in trying to give a picture of the anguish he was in.

All through his life Gray had been preoccupied with the idea of his mother taking her own life. The story he told about this was that this was precipitated by his parents moving house, to a new place away from the ocean, which his mother could never feel at home in. After the accident he and his family also moved house, and he came to regret this decision intensely. The editor Nell Casey calls this ‘his obsession, a mythic rant’. Gray cannot seem to accept the idea that a house might be, as a psychologist puts it, ‘a pile of sticks’. Here is how Gray considers trying to explain it to his sons:

‘…And they said, I’m sure, that, you know, Mrs. Gray—my mom—has other problems about the house, it must be symbolic of something, that same old Freudian rap, you know, sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, sometimes a house is just a house. She missed the house. It wasn’t symbolic of something, she really missed walking along the sea. I miss walking in the village, I miss the cemetery, I miss hundreds of things. But boys, listen: when you get to that point, where you have been driven so crazy by something, like for me, when I think about the house, it’s not me thinking about it, it’s thinking me…’

#spalding gray #impossible vacation #swimming to cambodia #books

5 notes · View notes

thequeenb · 5 years

Text

Destiny (part 1)

A request from @lightning-fury

Pairings: KamilahxMC

"What is meant to be always finds a way"

Kamilah was never used on having a relationship neither she was willing to. But Amy came in her life and she was drawn to that woman.

The cold and cynical woman she always was softened under Amy's gaze even she never admitted it. Everything was perfect the first few months, Kamilah cleared her schedule for Amy and spent time with her even texting her something she wasn't familiar with. But all that changed on one specific night.

Amy walked inside Kamilah's office furiously knowing when you play with fire you get burned

"Are you serious??" Amy yelled crossing her arms as Kamilah was surprised she saw her Infront of her, in her office, while she work. No one disturb her when she works. "Who let you in?" Amy laughed sarcastically not believe what was happening "Do i need permission??" Kamilah didn't bother to listen to a mewling mortal, especially while filling in documents that until "I ASKED A QUESTION" Amy now sounded really serious "am i a toy to you? A slut you fuck and then leave???" "Amy if you could j-" but Amy made the decision she wish she never made "look Kamilah you use me and-" but she stopped when she found herself pinned against the wall, Kamilah was Infront of her, eyes red and her sharp fangs out. "Listen to me mortal" she started holding Amy's hands tight "Ouch you hurt me Kamilah!!" But she didn't listen, it was like another person was inside her. "No one. Disturb me. When i work." Kamilah said angrily still holding Amy "Who even are you?? You hurt me Kamilah!!" But she didn't listen to her she wasn't planning to. "You think you matter?" Kamilah's angry voice echoed in Amy's mind. Maybe it was a nightmare, please let it be a nightmare. Kamilah pushed Amy hard, making her land on the floor. "Are you crazy??!!" Amy tried to stand up but Kamilah's strength was unbeatable, she was at her mercy. "Why do you think you are so special? You were just a person to pass my time with when i was free" Kamilah said laughing sarcastically "you really thought i would fall in love with a mortal like you". Amy stood there, tears falling from her eyes, how could she not see it before? Those words cut deeper than a knife in Amy's heart she stared at Kamilah in disbelief. "I will go.." it was all she could say with her shaky voice but before she had a chance to go Amy felt two sharp fangs cut deep into her neck this cant be happening can it? She cares Amy she will stop..she will stop..she.. will..

But Kamilah took it to far this time, drinking Amy's blood like her life depended on it. Amy fell unconscious as she caught her, blood dripping down her chin "That will teach you a lesson" she smirked as she carried her to her car. What happened to Kamilah? The one who used to not care about her safety as long as Amy was safe?

Amy tried to open her eyes even if she couldn't. She heard voices and conversations, she felt needles in her hands but she believed it was just a dream, until she opened her eyes. "Great you are awake Miss Parker" a nurse said reading her clipboard "You fainted last night, Miss Sayeed informed us about the incident, you had a deep mark in your neck that we tried our best to recover but rather than that your health is fine you should be able to leave tomorrow, if you need anything dont hesitate to call me" and like that she left Amy alone. What the hell happened? but then flashbacks came back

"Kamilah stop!!!" Amy moaned in pain not believing what is happening, is that really Kamilah? Is this just another nightmare" "Please..it hurts" she tried to push Kamilah away even if she failed, until everything started to spin around her as she closed her eyes.

"No.." she said as tears run down her cheeks. The woman she trusted with her life failed her. Did she pretended all these months? Was she always this cruel and she was so blind in love to notice? Her head was hurting so she decided to rest, in hope her tears will stop that way.

"Thank you very much" Amy said to her nurse as she was exiting the hospital. The sun went down so she wrapped her hands around herself trying her best not to cry. How could she do this? Until now she never found a logical explanation to what caused that behaviour.

Amy walked by Priya's club one drink never hurt anybody.

As she entered the loud music made all her thoughts disappear so she walked to the bar "One dry martini" she ordered as the barman gave her a smile "here you go Miss". Amy drank it in one shot feeling the alcohol burn her throat. Before she could get up she felt a cold hand on her shoulder "Well well" Priya said smiling widely, Amy wasn't in the mood to speak as she waved at her "Follow me, to much loud music here" she said pulling the girl to her large office

Amy sat in one of the huge leather chairs as Priya did the same "Now then to what i owe this pleasure?" The fashion designer said holding Amy's leg "i needed a drink" Amy said coldly, even Priya sensed that something was wrong "Hmm..What happened hm? You dont seem well" is that a genuine concern by Priya Lacroix? Was she really ready to talk about it? But she needed to get it out of her chest so she explained to the vampire what happened watching Priya's eyes turn red "That two faced bitch!!" she said shocked "i knew grandma wasn't as she showed she was" Amy started sobbing running her hands to her hair "Shhh dont cry" Priya said pulling her into her hug, Amy felt safe, like someone really cared about her well being, she enjoyed the warmth "You know you cant sit crying like someone weak would..my forte is revenge" Priya said smiling widely "and you can make her pay". Amy took those words very seriously.

2 months had passed and Amy was weak and vulnerable sitting on her couch all day. She never told anyone what happened but then she touched her wound tears forming in her eyes. "Ouch..". Kamilah never healed her, she left her at her own luck. How could she be so heartless? Amy swears she saw vulnerability in Kamilah's eyes, but then again maybe she was wrong. Amy stood up feeling dizzy as she approached a mirror. She looked at the bite, it was hurting to much. Was that her punishment? Her thoughts were to much to handle as she fell to the floor crying. You can make her pay..you can make her pay.. "I will make her pay" she finally said wiping her tears.

"Are you sure you will be ok?" Lily said as she watched Amy pack her things "absolutely Lil, its a one time opportunity" Amy decided to build her own future, she found someone who was interested in her ideas and wanted to proceed further into giving her a chance. "Dont forget to call me" Lily said wiping her tears "Oh come here" Amy said hugging her best friend goodbye as she walked to her taxi.

Los Angeles, 10pm 3 months later

Amy succeeded to be the best at what she did, many doors opened for her when her ideas were fascinating and helped the company rise to the top. "And our outcome has increased to 30 million dollars a month" Amy said proudly looking over at her boos who nodded in disbelief.

When the meeting ended her boss called her in his office. Amy has been waiting for this month's now. "Hello Amy take a sit" the old man said crossing his hands. "You are remarkable, you sacrifice everything in a little amount of time for this company" Amy smiled "I am determinated at what i do sir" "Please call me Harry" he said smiling. "So the reason i called you here is because i am actually retiring" Amy tried to hide her excitement "And i couldn't think of a better person to rule this empire, you made me proud" Harry said extending hands with Amy "I wont disappoint you i promise"

Everything she ever wanted was right in her hands, she had power glory but what she missed the most was revenge, revenge on the one who broke her as a person and made her feel weak. She stroked her wound reminding herself how cruel Kamilah was its time for you to pay.

Since she decided to make a new beginning she never looked back, she didn't pick up phone calls and didn't rest..what she desired was revenge. Amy was sitting on her couch with a glass of wine trying to think of a way to ruin Kamilah's life. What does she care about the most? Hmm..oh i know..her stupid clan she thought smiling widely. "You will regret Kamilah Sayeed".

New York city, 11pm

"Karen bring me more documents please" Kamilah said sitting back on her chair. She haven't tried to find Amy nor she was planning to, she knew she was to good for her and she decided to push her away the cruel way. Months passed by and no one heard of her. Adrian told Kamilah she would try seek happiness and no turning back. "Here you go Miss Sayeed" Karen said handing her the documents and then leaving her alone with her thoughts. Today was her and her brother's birthday, she smiled to herself thinking back to their good memories.

Even if 2000 + years had passed she could never forget him.

"Come on it will be fun" Lysimachus said as he grabbed Kamilah's hand "You will get us in trouble" she said rolling her eyes but she loved when she had the chance to spend time with her brother.

But her thoughts were interrupted by the open TV she had in her office, she was about to close it when a familiar name popped in the screen.

"Former millionaire Amy Parker made her way to the top in a small amount of time working for Mister Harry's Financial Company, yesterday the Empire was handed to the brilliant young woman only 23 years old".

That was enough to see as Kamilah closed the TV. She was surprised to see how Amy who once was a weak woman was now actually building her own empire. But she couldn't care less so she continued her job without ever thinking about it. Big mistake.

Meanwhile,

Amy was attending her party to celebrate her achievement in a beautiful red short Armani dress and sparkly diamonds all around her neck,ears and fingers. Months ago she wouldn't care less for expensive tastes and clothes, but her life changed, she changed. She walked with grace around the large living room of her mansion clicking her glass. Everyone stopped whatever they did as silence fell into the room. "I would like to thank you all for coming tonight to celebrate my success" she said smiling "i want to thank Mister Harry for believing in me" her eyes fell on him who nodded greatfully "and i wish you all a lovely night, enjoy our goods" and like that the room filled with cheers and people chatting about a variety of things.

"Miss Parker they are here" her personal guard said. "Lead them to my office" Amy said grabbing another glass of wine.

As she walked in her large office she was greeted by two women, desperate ones.

"Well well, is there is something i can give you? Wine? My blood?" she said laughing for a brief second and then crossed her legs, her expression serious and scary. "They attacked us again, they are unstoppable, stupid Council" one of the women said as Amy was deep in thought "they dont have mercy for clanless do they?" she drank her wine thinking of possible ways to help.

When she came in Los Angeles the first person she spoke to was a Clanless vamprire that soon became her very good friend. She helped as much as she could given the opportunity and she didn't hesitate to tell them about the Council and their secrets.

"With all due respect but weren't you close to the council members? Especially the strongest one Kamilah Sayeed?" the other woman asked as Amy's expression changed to an unreadable one "Yes. Yes i was" she said like she had poison in her mouth and needed to spit it out "i am sorry i didn't want to-" but Amy held up a hand "Dont, you just gave me a brilliant idea" she said smiling widely.

Tag list: @@galaxyside-0 @scarlet-letter-a0114 @la-guera-69 @amorettemcsky @ilovetaylor13m @idkbutkamilah

#choices kamilah #kamilah sayeed #bb kamilah #kamilah is my queen #kamilah x mc #bloodbound #play choices #choices #pb choices #choices you play #pixelberry #pb #choices fanfiction

31 notes · View notes

elizabethrobertajones · 6 years

Text

14x05 watching notes

filed under: episodes that demand a written apology from the writer

Morning, I opened the episode to check it worked and the first thing on screen was dead Maggie, so I guess skip the preamble, let's get rid of that D:

Meredith is going to look after Maggie. Who so far this season has just been the human representation of the :o emoji

Er, she's not going to look after us, after the THEN card we abruptly drop into Dean having his beach retirement chat with Sam

A lingering reminder of how Jack would help - if he had his powers - but Sam asks "then what would we do" and cut to Dean being Michaeled. At this point I can't tell if we need to remember 13x23 for Reasons or if they just don't trust us to remember the recent history of the show at all and are catching up people who might have dropped by to see how their favourite guest star, Maggie, is doing.

I mean I love her but she isn't the headliner normally :P

OH GOODNESS SHE'S THE COLD OPEN GIRL. Maggieee no. She looks so scared. Why are they sending her hunting on her own??? She is a smol scared bean who was not prepared for the apocalypse and surely must be able to find other off-the-radar jobs for a person from another universe in this world that don't involve throwing herself at monsters!

She's wearing pink trousers for a stealth mission at night. She makes Sam's orange jacket look like camo

Also she's recording herself... Maggie... What are you doing........ hon......................

I have adopted her, but it turns out I have another stupid child among my many, many stupid children and just once I wish they didn't turn out like this :P

So she's like, attached a go pro to herself to record her hunt for... training purposes? reporting back to Chief? because she's become an adrenaline junkie after all the time she was nearly eaten by supervampires?

MAGGIE

Gad dangit

He was slow moving and you heard him behind you. Swing first, ask questions later, when it's a growling noise in a dark crypt.

Has anyone been counting the apocalypse world peeps because I'm pretty sure they're relying on us not to recognise them because they're a crowd. At this point we almost certainly have like 50+ distinct individuals instead of the 25 they purportedly rescued.

I say this because I feel like some of the white guys from the original batch appear to have metamorphosed into a more diverse group

Sammy setting homework.

Sorry, not Sammy. The Boss.

Dean comes in to observe class.

Sam immediately sheds all his confidence and goes back to being Sammy. He does seem to have a slight layer of scruff more, or maybe it was just that he was looking particularly clean-shaven last episode out of shock

Dean offers to get him a camp counsellor whistle, and Sam gets even more awkward about hunter check ins. I can see this feeding itself here, with Sam blustering and getting weird about his position of authority in front of Dean, and Dean who is both latching on in a brotherly way, and lashing out in a recently emotionally maimed Dean way, but can't yell at the apocalypse peeps they rescued and graciously allowed to stay because, you know, Michael destroyed their world, so taking it all out on Sam... Unfortunately, Dean being the wounded, irrational party, it's down to him to realise he's being a lil too harsh on Sam OR Sam to stop rising to the bait.

In this case, I would say the ball is firmly in Sam's court, not because he's at any particular fault for instinctively reacting like the needled little brother when big bro wanders in snarking at his attempts to do his job, but because he is the one behaving like the adult already in this scenario when he's facing the AU peeps and being The Chief in a natural way where he's thriving in the environment, and crumpling immediately in the face of this one random element is a clear part of his growth and maturity arc. As it is he's feeding Dean's reaction a LOT by getting embarrassed and changing his behaviour and not standing his ground and continuing to act like a mature adult, and giving Dean the little brother teasing opening he feeds off in the dynamic.

In other scenarios this could flip with Sam doing his best and Dean being a dick who's seeking an opening and trying to get Sam to crack and in that case it would be all on him to correct his behaviour, but in this case, I'm leaning Sam being the problem despite the appearance, because he crumpled just to hear Dean coming up the steps, never mind how it went from there. He's acting ashamed of being the leader, because he knows it's emotionally infringing on Dean territory, as he sees Dean as a natural and more rightful leader, and doesn't recognise his own strengths and skills being applied in spades here; his self-confidence immediately is put under the microscope when he knows Dean is there, and it topples his precarious house of cards of self confidence.

He has also put himself in a position of managing Dean, coming in last episode all, alright champ how's it going? and had a success by a country mile with getting Dean to leave his room, open up, and have some fun, and that's not even comparing it to the same time last season when in 13x05 he completely failed at the same task. He has been working gently on Dean to help him, but he can't when it comes to getting Dean used to having the AU peeps around and accepting Sam's new job there, if Sam acts like it's something to be ashamed of and is too horrified by usurping Dean to focus on letting his instincts talk and continuing to blatantly be a wonderful leader.

These AU peeps are also seeing their venerated war hero general just crumple into an insecure mess as soon as his brother walks into the room >.>

Sam gets coffee, turns into coffee!Sam (Lizbob's on the record favourite character in the entire show), finally snaps back at Dean about how many hunters he's keeping track of right now when Dean stops needling in a funny way and asks about Sam's health - of course, now it's all built up into Dean bothering Sam so instead of being a nice request, Sam snaps.

It's possible that while Sam now runs the hunters, delegating to Mary and AUBobby and even Dean if he'll accept it, to help keep track etc, will really benefit in the long run.

Slick way to work where Cas and Jack are into the same breath as where Mary and Bobby are - rugarou, which is code for off screen case - and throw it all out there as plot and ongoing character work AND the requisite where is Cas comment to keep fandom happy.

God, I haven't even gotten around to what I meant to say immediately that Sam dropped down into his codependency seat at the table and Dean is unintentionally mirroring 9x13's final scene of all the many times they've been around this block - off the top of my head but as someone who has been keeping a very close eye for a very long time, I can't think of another significant instance where Sam was sitting and Dean was standing while it got heated.

Of course 9x13 was working very hard to show their divisions, while of course here Sam is just sitting in his Dean Is Upsetting Me chair and Dean's not sitting at the table which just means not engaging with Sam on his level in a very literal as well as metaphorical way - in character, that's a body language dissonance as well as making Sam look up at him. In staging terms, it carries the weight of years of directorial and acting decisions about how to portray the brothers in crisis that I've been noting in case of a pattern.

"Yeah, but a war isn't hunting" good grief Sam is making their entire lives sound even worse than ever given they grew up in this and now he's listing off all the stuff they need from the perspective of being the Bobby. I mean, when they say they were raised like soldiers, they're adding in the fact they do zillions of almost completely unsupported 2 man raids into hostile territory with limited gear or recon. The recap at the start, showing them going in to fight the werewolves with an angel and a nephilim on their side, was an easy hunt for a reason and not just because there were 4 of them :P Without that, no matter how many hunters they accumulate, it's always looked like a losing battle because many of these things you'd want to call the national guard on if civilians could be alerted to the danger.

See, Dean is acting needle-y but as soon as Sam gets an unnerving alert on his phone he's concerned and asks who it is - remember last episode where he was like don't know don't care about the guy Sam was Bobbying from the car? - and when he says "maggie" ... well, they're all clearly protective of her in particular D:

Oh good, the body cams thing was a Sam innovation and therefore a good idea and we can pat his head for it

Bobby never had that and I bet he'd have LOVED to keep track of his peeps that way.

The other hunters meet up on the last thursday of the month to watch the highlight reel from Garth Cam, BYOB, popcorn provided

Nyooom

This shot should win awards for the fuckin horrifying perspective that I, as a non-mountain-dweller, can barely comprehend that it looks like the sky but then you keep on looking up and there's trees in there. Is this something people in big countries are used to? I mean I've seen my share of mountains in Scotland and they're way too cramped to fake you out like that.

You have to understand that in my town, wedged between two cliffy cliffs, the entire old town is like 500ft wide at best before more cliff. There's only 2 directions - up and towards the sea :P You don't need fancy camera tricks to contain everything... I'm getting agoraphobia just looking at this. I mean I don't think it's intended to cause existential horror but mission accomplished.

Dean getting morbid talking about how having a private cemetery would be nice. I mean, they practically need one behind the Bunker after all this time, wherever the final resting place is of at least Kevin and Charlie's bodies as well as anyone else who died in and around there who wasn't dumped in the sewer like Ketch was :')

During day this place isn't half bad, with its whimsical overgrown look, the slanting fence of the bridge to cross to get there, the jungle closing in around the little plot...

But remember, Dean. Beach holiday. Eyes on the prize, man. You and the rest don't get to hang out behind the Bunker for eternity at least until you're all old and earned it.

Dean defends knowing what a walker from the Walking Dean is... in 12x15 he was playing with a Negan bat which I assume he still has somewhere, washed off and placed in the armoury :P Sam is at least being a bit more authoritative here in the sense of reeling off info as the Chief in charge of Maggie's fate and knowing her mission etc...

Honestly this makes me feel like the dynamic of Dean drives, Sam rides shotgun can mature too, in the sense that Dean is no longer taking control from Sam - back in season 10 that was very heavily used as part of their toxic dynamic and there's definitely shades of season 10 dynamics on the chopping block around these parts - because Sam needs all the extra time to manage his army from the road, with his hands free to check the phone and read up on everything, while Dean is free to drive and be Dean.

Sam being all I FAILED SHE IS DEAD at every turn and Dean being all "hey check it out, drag marks! :D" "but no blood!!! :D :D :D"

As a student of analaysisisign things I have no idea what was just implied by Sam and Dean being called back to the surface followed by the sound effect of spooky cold breath, a wonky focus on a statue of a bearded dude and smol cherub, and then being interrupted by a 1900s gardener.

Apron plus hat seems like Michael coding but god knows what it means.

I bet they're actually talking to a ghost but he's so busy just defending the ancestral land that he's passing as a real alive person and it's one of those completely harmless cases where the ghost just lurks around protecting the land, doesn't go vengeful, and wards off people who hang out there... Not that he had much luck with the drunk teens.

1900s gardener stands outside, unable to go into the house, surveying it with a weary eye.

The garden is completely and utterly overgrown, almost like no one has gardened it for 100 years, even though there appears to be a gardener on the property.

*rubs chin*

1900s gardener gives them one last suspicious look before wandering back to work, significantly enough that we see it with a whole separate shot

what is his deal

why is he dressed like that

Does Meredith feel guilty for MURDERING JOSHUA and side note, can we really trust that it was him who got murdered. Maybe he's in retirement dressed in an olde timey shirt and waving antique gardening implements at Sam and Dean for kicks.

Considering they improv'd the line about the HPS it's very lucky that Mobby came up with that line - I guess showing how they think alike and all

"Just wish you'd checked in with the main office," Sam bobs his head, like, "ME", "before you came out here..."

Yeah, here's the Sam and AUBobby leadership conflict I was hoping for :P

Mary asks for a mo and shepherds Sam out in particular, leaving AUBobby and Dean to handle the architect digest subscriber. She's all momsy with her handling of him, and Dean and AUBobby are left to do the awkward small talk - we know AUBobby really doesn't have it as his strong suite, even though it was Bobby's, like in 6x21 where he was the only one to ever say sorry about your mom to the guy. It also means they have to do the blathering while trying to work out any supernatural history on the property in character, while Mary and Sam are designating themselves the ones who can get to the heart of the problem and handle it like the profession adults. I like the implicit trust/respect bond that gives here.

I mean she has it with Dean too I would think but she's spent more time with Sam lately and it's important now to show she's grown such a bond with Sam, as it's been 2 whole years of her being back before they could begin to properly bond due to various issues.

"It was her first solo hunt and she was nervous" listen Sam and Dean are like 1000 pounds of muscle and "fuck you apocalypse" experience and they hunt together. Maggie was smol and wore pink trousers.

Is. Is smol.

God. I'm turning into Sam.

Lol conspicuous blood transfusion bags. Nice gig, to drain peeps and get a nurse to apply the blood directly to you. Is he a vampire with an olde timey set up?

Maggiieeee

stealing her boots is just mean.

Does she have pink plaid as well as pink trousers?

My god how did they let her out of the house? She's too cute and innocent for this world.

Or her previous world.

Can we shunt her along one more world to one which doesn't have this much monster trouble even, as she's clearly still not found the AU which suits her best.

Heee Dean knocking the mantelpiece and saying the house has "good bones" like he's an expert on houses

The question is, has he watched a lot of junk reality TV about house refurbishment, or is he just faking on the fly

I have not watched enough aforementioned junk TV to call this one

Oh, nope, the daughter validates it by saying her grandpa used to say it. Dean has watched enough TV to pass

Ooooh AUBobby having a go at Sam for his shoddy leadership of letting Maggie come here when she had no idea what was up.

I'm guessing the help over text messaging may have been a bit more backseat hunting from AUBobby, but he didn't try to STOP Maggie, or tell her to wait while he and Mary dashed up here.

In any case, here's the conflict of leadership I've been waiting for since before the season began :') Unfortunately, Sam shaved off his beard before going toe to toe with AUBobby, so he takes the first round by default of bristliness, as Sam ceded some portion of control back to Dean on Dean's return and this has made him weird and jumpy about acting like the chief in front of his peeps, and now AUBobby's taking the opening.

He has such a power stance that Bobby never had

Shoulders back, beard out

Dean defends Sam like when is anyone ready to hunt, because from their perspective of course they were as smol-seeming as Maggie and CONSIDERABLY younger when they were plunged into hunting. She's a grown adult! She can handle it! (she may or may not be a mirror to Jack, who is consumptive, and therefore betraying some sort of inherent unreadiness to hunt and a requirement that the smols among you be protected rather than forced to grow up too young and go hunting as a rite of passage, just as Sam and Dean were given their first beers barely in single digits by gnarly hunters)

"A real leader would have seen that a mile away" Yeah AUBobby is too used to leading his peeps - perhaps he liked a semi retirement where Sam was the leader and the world seemed safer and they could hunt like the old days...

Mary mediates, splitting up the team in the only way that makes sense, hoping that Dean can defend Sam in absentia (and thus be forced to confront that Sam IS a good and thoughtful leader and to stop mocking him and start defending him) and she can comfort Sam and build him back up as the Chief.

Dean goes on such a face journey about this whole thing, from feeling weird about AUBobby to bad about what's going on with Sam to just worried about Maggie and very much taking on that blame for sending a smol out into the field, especially as he has recused himself from responsibility to these people - while fairly taking a mental health break from the frontline as well as competing with how Sam already got there... Anyway that was like 18 distinct facial expressions each with a story and it's too early in the morning... I JUST got my cup of tea and it's still too hot to drink so Jensen's defeated me this round

Sam gets comforted by another trenchcoated figure

"Don't listen to Bobby" "maybe he's right" shush.

"THIS IS WHAT HE WAS BORN TO DO"

ILY Mary. She's coming in fresh on adult!Sam, she doesn't even have the feelings about him as she does to smol scared 4 year old boy Dean, especially if we account for postpartum depression making it hard for her to bond with him as per the entire metaphorical structure of the show from episode one to present. Now she's getting to spend time with him - and especially as her only significant time with him BEFORE this was 12x14 aka Bobo's ode to Sam's leadership round 1... Yeah, she sees Sam as this giant gangly admirable leader guy she happens to have birthed.

"Bobby can't see that... not the only thing he's been missing lately."

Good grief, Mary in the trenchcoat has been making the eyes at AUBobby all Michael-hatted up and being ignored and rebuffed from her sparkling heart eyes. I wonder what this is a metaphor for, Ms Meredith Mixtape "know who you love" Glynn.

Also, Mary feeling comfortable to innuendo her crush on AUBobby to Sam - it really is an adult relationship and respect and emotional trust that I feel never in a million years could just pop up between her and Dean.

Oh boy, this scene is still going.

*Hides behind the secondhand embarrassment cushion* Sam goes there, like, not going to mention it but you - he sounds less bumbling than he has at other points... Sam's awkwardness factor can shoot through the roof to the point where in 3x04 where he attacks those guys and then is like "have a nice day" when they're not demons? I kinda want to reach through the screen and strangle him with my bare hands before he does it just to spare myself seeing it. Also the gifset of that has been on my dash all week, and it predisposes me to loathe Sam's awkwardness. Please god let us get through this in one piece.

Mary is too busy being wistful to realise her son is an awkward bumbling moose who is all misplaced stammering words and wonky legs spinning for traction when he's out of his depth.

Aww now Mary is getting to talk about her deal... She thought she had something good going with AUBobby but since they've been back he's been "hunting all the time and won't take a break not even for a second" - the ole bury yourself in hunting to avoid facing trauma or feelings thing. Of course AUBobby may be struggling with the weight of the world he left behind, the people who he couldn't save there and not knowing what has happened to them. There's a lot to unpack with him that hasn't been explored on screen and a lot of it is casting him as behaving in a Dean-like way, while Mary is the "I'll just wait here then" to his coping mechanisms.

"There's something on his mind, and he doesn't want to talk about it"

Aforementioned trauma, OR a pun about him being possessed by Michael

yeah I'm harping on it as a half-joke half-kinda want to have it on the record in case I'm right :P

"Bobby's not open like your dad"

Mary, you do realise how that sounds to literally everyone else, right? We KNOW you're practically from a 3rd AU aka the past where John was practically the mirror AU to his future self

Unfortunately, Mary is the only person in the room who ever has that particular story, which sucks for her

Anyway Meredith has reached some sort of characterising level with these people that I am just in pure awe of

"Not like your dad when I knew him"

"Bobby's got walls. Big ones"

I do think it's funny that Mary has essentially ended up crushing on a man who is a John-like parallel to the anti-John mirror that Bobby was, who of course had his own Karen who he was a different person with, who was a Mary mirror, and .... yeah

it's an interdimensional timetravelling wife swap

It makes Destiel look straightforward

Part of Meredith's skill here is not just accounting for every angle, but also juggling this nonsense

Anyway Mary doubting she can get through AUBobby's walls and be the person who has to do the emotional labour to get the guy she wants - if she's ready to put herself out there again

this is NOT a conversation to have with Dean in a million years. Even Sam takes a mo

"I shouldn't be talking to you about this!" she giggles and she and Sam smile and set off again, all touchy feely.

Sweet.

Anyway there's another dynamic in these woods.

"You think I was too hard on your brother back there." "He's doing his best. He's doing better than his best." Funny way to phrase it but yeah, Dean can see Sam's levelled up and his new best is this new levels of responsibility and good leadership overall.

LOL at how terse that conversation was. Dean points out that Sam could do with a hand running things, makes fun of the beard, no offence, and cut back to Sam and Mary

Sam explains Karen to Mary, to give her an idea of what might be AUBobby's backstory too.

"he never had any children?" "no"

Scuse me, that's the line that makes me BAWL every time I watch it. HE DID SO, YOU FOOL. IT WAS YOU AND YOUR UNGRATEFUL BROTHER

I am writing a letter of complaint to the management

"Whatever your Bobby" - oh dear, AUBobby is now "your" Bobby, like, they found him first but he's now Mary's :p

Sam is now full on giving Mary relationship advice about how it's worth it to move past those walls and give him a go if she really cares about him.

Has he ever had this chat with Cas, or is this just practice

"Cas, wait, I really appreciate you came to me with this but I am getting killer deja vu for a second here..."

Mary finds a disturbing firepit, Dean finds a creepy hunting cabin. This is about to be a barrel of fun

AUBobby... Don't just run off. Poke Dean and POINT AT THE THING YOU'RE FOLLOWING

... Dean, also, have some awareness in your peripheral that AUBobby just legged it

Again, way more athletic than our Bobby was

That's a human hand

Are those real IDs or hunter IDs

Oh it all came from one wallet, with the same pic on them all, so yes.

"Not one of ours" but part of the wider network/family nonetheless. His bearded look recalls Asa Fox, and there's the unspoken discussion again about sharing resources, if ALL hunters shouldn't be pulled into their network and the word spread that the Bunker is at least a resource, that Sam is there to be the hub even if they aren't all part of the centralised AU hunter squad, and Sam starts Bobbying in earnest for this world as a whole.

Of course they'd never have sent Maggie somewhere that a seasoned hunter had already disappeared.

Dean finally realises AUBobby is gone, and immediately gets jumped, with rather less warning than Maggie had.

I like how the man has had time to dress up in a suit from his sick bed, if indeed that is the case

monsters in suits

Well that's new

Well in 13x14 Meredith wrote Gog n Magog who were a fake out full of sand... Now this monster is a fake out full of ash?

Cut to: Old man still in his hospital bed, definitely not attacking people in the flesh

Oh dear, his daughter hearing something in the house while earnestly getting on with dealing with his estate makes me pretty sure she's not in on anything and she shouted them out of the house in genuine grief-stress, which I already wasn't particularly doubting.

The ole dragging chains upstairs ghost trick, which I honestly wish I could say I have never heard for myself but the ghost next door is not my problem, Victorian walls keep them contained, and honestly if you've been following the saga on random incidental comments on my blog I'm really only inclined to believe in ghosts for the humorous fake hysteria of a moment's entertainment but the odd noises next door late at night really have been going on long enough and yesterday some folk moved in so, you know, first act of a horror movie setting up mere feet away from me, the disinterested neighbour scowling at all the evil poured into the walls of that house by careless landlords and human suffering I witnessed firsthand caused by it >.> Anyway. Unlike this woman I stayed right in this spot instead of wandering around trying to work out where that noise was coming from, because I'm in the house with the wacky backstory where weed dealers sawed through the support beam in the roof and the front of my room collapsed shortly after we moved in :P

I'm sorry, but if a ghost opens a door for you ahead of you in the hall, my advice is not to immediately go up to the door and go in

SUPERVAMP IN THE ATTIC

She does an admirable duck and cover maneouver, only to realise he hasn't chased her. Huh.

Michael's super vamps are super weird.

"You're not crazy" Neil the nurse immediately straightens up and eyeballs Sam a lil harder.

HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM.

PS where is the ghostly gardener in all this because he wasn't the supervamp so

this is like a murder mystery puzzle but all the bits are so utterly wild... Dead hunter, Maggie being drained for the "stroke" victim who is also attacking people in a suit while made of ash... supervamp in the attic who won't follow her out of the room she found him in

I mean in all this has no one gone back up to the attic where a supervamp is apparently just LIVING?

He's currently just chilling there while they have this conversation

he's just, like... waiting for them????

Dean walks in mid-crisis "You hunt monsters?!" "oh good you told them" He does like when things are all quick and easy and right to the point.

Last episode he cheerfully told Dirk that hatchetman Jordan was coming for them, while Sam blustered over telling Sam even when the EMF was SCREAMING that there was a ghost right in the room with them and the display cases were freezing over.

With Mary's influence at least, Sam is happy to get into telling the full story

"Wait time out, there's a dead body on our property?"

THERE IS A SUPERVAMPIRE IN YOUR ATTIC

BIGGER PROBLEMS

Dean is entirely brushed down... Like... He must have been brushing ghost ash off of himself all the way back to the house.

Sam invokes 8x08 right after I was talking about Fred. Dangit, Glynn.

I feel like Sam is sort of making a jump here, but on the other hand the house isn't under ghostly or vampiric shutdown. The father is here, unconscious, so perhaps projecting and I guess if Sam is wondering how he could be doing it, then astral projections may make sense to some degree... Working out how it all ties together is going to be another huge step though. I know the sell for this episode was partially nightmares and dreams, and we have Maggie in a djinn-like trap and the old man both a sleeping Bobby from 3x10 and also a possible Fred Jones projecting it... The supervamps are something that Dean would have brought here, and "walkers" from the Walking Dead is something the boys could have brought. Which means the other hunter could have been murdered by his own trauma... idk. Why am I trying to piece it together now?

watch the episode, lizzy

LOL the daughter just reeling off her dad's "workaholic with textbook narcissistic tendencies" while also herself clearly being the offspring of such a person (is the manifestation of her dad her own trauma?) and hey no doubt that description of the father might come to bear on some of the father/power figures in the episode. Definitely not what Sam is though he's among the mix - perhaps a dark warning of a guy who works himself to death like this and becomes entirely self-absorbed in the process, but Sam just took a minute to advise his mom's love life so he's hanging in there with his sense of self for now. In the sense that a dark arc doesn't seem to be looming for him in such a way as red flags literally followed pre-Mark Dean around.

Okay took a LOT of me yelling at the screen but they FINALLY realised there's an unresolved vampire in the attic situation and Sam's going up to check

Meanwhile Mary has been separated out in this cursed property to have her own side-adventure with AUBobby

Lol the daughter downs some anti-anxiety medication with whisky while Dean sits behind her tuning his knife in a rather grim melody. What a scene.

He also has his foot on an armchair like the total troll he was raised as

She goes off on one and Dean immediately likes her

"Thanks dad" "no love lost between you two, huh?"

T stands for terrible father

"I get it" "not here for a heart to heart" *pause* *launches into a John Winchester Metaphor Of The Hour rant

"But my MOM" *Dean looks up, eyes all vulnerable* "Depression runs in our family" oh booooy

So she found her mom and Dean saw his mom consumed by fire in a way that is still scarring him TO THIS DAY (re: 13x01 nightmare) and this is our first Mary parallel of even a dead mom but one with a personality, and her own problems... Not the temporary insanity of drowning her children like Constance Welch in 1x01, but a woman who had depression and a husband who wasn't there for her... In 14x01 Mary and Sam's discussion revealed how much she was doggy paddling on the surface of all the awful that's happened to her, but this is our real notable parallel to discuss a family history of depression running through Mary's side of the family, which goes not just for Dean (who, like, really has anxiety himself) but also all of Mary's issues, including in 12x21, begging Ketch to kill her at a lowest point before they got her to entirely retreat into herself.

Glynn still out for Dean's blood: "the most ridiculous thing is... I worshipped him when I was a kid" Dean is feeling like she took that machete and shoved it in his stomach, as she sits there swigging whiskey and telling him how he feels. "Didn't know any better. He's the only family I have left."

"Can I give you a little advice?......... let it go." Oh Dean :')

Emerging from his cocoon, still mostly trapped in there but I think that's a bit of a wing poking through.

"The past is -" *forcefully stops himself from saying "in the past"*

He talks about it as baggage and how every single day he tries to let it go and leave the baggage behind. God he's strong and amazing and working so hard to be the best version of himself.

Oh my god who builds the hall up to the attic as part of the crawlspace? This is horrifying on an unnecessary level and I'm writing into that architecture magazine to complain

This is the creepiest attic. Who KEEPS these horrifying mementos. Give them to a thrift shop for a hipster to buff up and turn into a conversation piece in their living room.

Okay, blood bags and a girl in chains (explains the clinking) are a bit weirder than average.

"Sam... it's here" "What?" "It's heeeere" Sam how long have you BEEN in this business?

File this under your panicky first aid to Stuart last episode

Sam got ashed just like Dean did. Hm.

It also looked like one of the crazed hunger vamps from apocalypse world more than one of michael's supervamps maybe? It's really hard to keep track of all these :P

Oh my god AUBobby has a son, who was murdered by angels. This is terrible D:

Something about the immediate moment of him wandering in... When Bobby went off earlier I was thinking of 7x11 where he saw his younger self. This approach seems almost more like 6x04 and Crowley seeing Gavin for the first time.

Anyway this is of course another way to twist AUBobby around on himself - he managed to get a son, maybe Karen wasn't murdered by a demon, maybe he had a different wife. Whatever it is, it gives us a version of Bobby totally different from ours and also in how he will relate to Sam and Dean - not as the sons he never had, but if he's thinking of young men in the fight...

Oh no AUBobby just got stabbed... Er... is this a nightmare or is he just dead?

Is AUBobby really going to -

That's more impressive than breaking a crypt scene mental wall to save your loved one. Then again, original flavour Bobby once stabbed himself in the gut to save Dean so I guess he takes a lot of pain for his loved ones, and honestly gathering the strength to pull a knife out... Maaaybe nicer than putting it in???

The fact this is all going down with angel blades as well.

I swear to god... Meredith, don't make me watch AUBobby stab a vision of his own son to complete the loop with our Bobby stabbing Karen.

"I'm sorry"

*WhOMph grey ash everywhere*

Kinda takes the pure angst out of it at least :P

Dean gets a better look. "You're giving him a transfusion?"

Yeah, there's some fuckery at work here, sir. The nurse seems a lot less flustered answering this one which is almost as suspicious as someone who has been non-flustered suddenly getting flustered

Dean regrets saying "make me a sandwich before he is done asking. Which is the only reason I forgive that request :P Remember in 1x06 where he was bossing Sam's friend around to get them a beer and a sandwich so they could talk in peace about shifters? God. She KNOWS about monsters it's just that he wants to ask a sensitive question here.

Or punch the nurse in the face over the comatose form of her father.

A nod to her that it's a ruse gets her in on it, though. Female!Dean who is a different mirror than Dirk (though still messed up by a father) gets on his wavelength.

AAH He remembered the djinn thing!!! Dean's memory is so good and I love him and he's the best and also Meredith is riffing off 2x20 which is actually illegal, I literally have that written down here in the rules and regulations. Although it does give me my opportunity to remind us all of Dean's long speech about why does he have to be the one to save all these people to John's grave when he was thinking he had to go unwish stuff.

Sadly he didn't show up with a knife tipped in lamb's blood so let's see how this goes.

Oh my god the djinn's literally thought Dean was Michael the whole time. I have to rewatch now >.>

Well, not now, but.

He thought Michael was testing him, and would be back to give him an upgrade, and now he's waxing poetic about the untapped potential of djinn. We're back at season 6, with the hunter compound vs a monster army, except this time the monsters aren't a reaction to the nonsense of angels, they're the direct work of the angel stepping into the place of Eve as the experimenter, his grace vs her black goo. I suppose the weirdness out here is the djinn flexing its muscles with projecting hallucinations.

And I guess that means it hasn't affected Dean except the generic ghost of Mr Comatose over there (apologies to Cas) which I'd assume is part of the generic set up for killing hunters as it was what got Maggie too.

The question is, is that Maggie in the attic, or a nightmare for Sam. Wouldn't she be djinned too?

"Because of him - because of YOU - I can bring those nightmares into the world" well that's a weighted line >.> Dean's guilt for saying yes, for these things done with his face. Literally bringing nightmares into the world.

Which does at least confirm that the nightmares so far have been external and we're not IN a dream which has been worrying me.

On the other hand that means AUBobby really did get stabbed that badly.

"I highly doubt you have a knife dipped in lamb's blood" I TOLD him.

you can't just kneecap the djinn

"I am curious, what are YOUR nightmares"

Literally pausing it because Meredith is absolutely horrible and I hate her and she keeps being mean to my boy Dean and I can't handle this and I don't want to know

(I am curious. What ARE his nightmares?)

Er excuse me did he just prod his way into finding Michael still in there

Because the other option is that Dean's mind is so utterly scared and scary with all he's been through he literally just out-nightmared a nightmare machine by force of personality.

"You don't know my family"

Keep the one liners coming

I'm easily placated by them

Cut to: the next morning. He offers his double a chance to get her apology from her father, and books it.

Nyoooom back along a CONSIDERABLY less horrifying shot of the same sort of landscape

Maggie's back! Everyone loves Maggie. She is the adorable mascot of these people.

Keep the cute pink bunny back at home maybe

Dean gives Sam some affirmation about being the leader of his people.

Now Sam needs to not fold immediately the next time he sees Dean seeing him do something leadery. Deal?

Mobby H/C

You know he's vulnerable not because he has his shirt off, but because he has his hat off.

These "angel wars" in the AU sound pretty formal.

You know, it would probably be PRETTY HARD to get the average American to fight a war against angels until it's way way waaay too late.

I mean, case in point: we call where they come from, "apocalypse world"

"Hunting" "it ends the same." "No." Mary F Winchester puts her foot down. No it ends bloody speeches on her watch! All she has is her optimism but damned if she won't use it!

"I don't know any other way to live" "Then we'll find one"

You are doing a good job and you can save all these dumb guys from themselves.

DEAN TALKED TO MAGGIE. HE'S HELPING. HE WENT AND LEADERED HER FOR SAM.

Now have a beer, bro

"She learned from the best, huh? :)"

":)"

Awww Mary comes up with AUBobby and they're taking a vacation. Let AUBobby go fishing or something. Good lil Cas parallel Mary fixing her broken warrior with a Donna cabin adventure.

...

Do you not worry a lil about what is out there? Donna comes prepared with a flamethrower.

""relaxing"" """vacation"""

Anyway best reason ever given on the entire show for a set of characters not to be in the next couple of episodes, second to "Cas is taking his son out to teach him to hunt some more"

Bobby has a clean new formal black mourning cap to deal with fresh memories of Daniel

Sam getting the leadership baton from a representative of Bobby who he may see more as Bobby than perhaps he ought. AUBobby says he's not sure he ever had it in him to be a leader, while our Bobby was the undisputed best at what he did and as much as he may have complained, his competency is what Sam is now emulating.

Mary being "allowed" to go by Dean. "if you need anything... ANYTHING..." *grabs his shoulder and shakes him* You're starting to turn into the mom in a movie who leaves the kids behind and without supervision they throw a wild party to rebel against you stifling them. SO not the dynamic, but that's the licking a thumb and pressing down a stray bit of hair type momming she's doing all of a sudden.

"Go. Be happy." :')

HUGS FOR THE BOY. That's 2 whole onscreen dean hugs this season.

Aww Dean talking to Garth :')

Sam and Dean in synchronicity, talking to ALL their hunter network, not just Jody plus the AU peeps

Though. Sam has implemented a buddy system.

Dorky camp counsellor that he is.

Dean should get him a ceremonial whistle for Christmas.

"Move on from what I - from what we - from what he did"... Dean. Buddy.

Go lie down.

That's some of the most intense blurring of self ever, between Dean's guilt, whatever made the djinn scream in horror to delve his head, and his symbolic blending with Michael as the Michaelsword...

"Starting to feel like myself again... almost..." shakes his head and starts heading out to go watch more movies, sad that halloween is passed so no more slashers on every channel

"We'll work harder" "how, you sleep 3 hours at night" "then I'll sleep 2" *Dean gives him the NO look*

Well there's a great representation of how their issues mess themselves up and they carve away their sense of self and their health for each other.

Seriously. What did the djinn SEE. What nightmares are in my boy's head? Oh god I'm stressed.

What happened to the 1900s groundskeeper, Don?

#14x05 #season 14 spoilers #my stuff

170 notes · View notes

proheromidoriyashouto · 6 years

Text

My Good Neighbor, an Inko x Rei Neo-Noir AU

After her divorce and once she’s solely an out-patient, Rei becomes a Private Investigator Jessica Jones-style out of her new apartment in Musutafu. Her reason for this is in part to reclaim her independence, but also to help save others as she wished she could have saved her children. A Shiketsu graduate, she was only a sidekick for a brief time before she was married off to Endeavor and begins the lengthy process to re-acquire a hero license to then function as an underground hero. She finds that she needs assistance and finds it in none other than her neighbor, Midoriya Inko, who is a crime lab technician.

Inko introduced herself once Rei moved in next door but didn’t reveal her occupation until she wound up outside Rei’s office/living room when a disgruntled client started a fight in the apartment. Inko initially hesitates before going out and witnesses a man crash through the glass window of the door with a yell. The man recovers quickly and moves threateningly toward her but Inko whips out a beanbag shotgun she was hiding behind her skirt and tells him to back down. Rei emerges, a katana in hand, and the situation is diffused by the man’s departure via police car.

Rei didn’t have her license to use her quirk in the beginnings, and makes use of a “decorative” katana that came with her dowry so long ago. Enji had it hung up on a wall in a locked, clear case that only he had the key to, preserving family heirlooms he’d told her parents the last time she saw them, is a duty the Todoroki take with utmost responsibility. A lie to ensure her family’s legacy remained apart from their children-- another familial obligation to burden her heroic spirit with. Free of him, she’s taken it up again sans quirk and it is her main means of protection. Shouto is fascinated and awed by the sight of her wielding the blade so elegantly even all these years out of practice, and they bond over developing her ancestral style into something new, better suited to the modern era, and just theirs.

Rei’s feelings toward her relatives are mixed as they essentially sold her off, but her lessons in kenjutsu were some of the fondest memories of her adolescence and were what she had built her short-lived heroic persona around. Older and out-of-practice, she treats physical violence as a last resort, all the while honing her skills in the event of a throw-down. She leans into vintage-styled dress reminiscent of the classic trench-coat-and-fedora detectives of old-- and not so old, in Naomasa’s case-- but casual enough in appearance that she isn’t written off as a PI at a glance. Once she gets her hero license, a company creates several armored variants of her outfits-- proper costumes for undercover/underground hero work.

She investigates villains sure, but also heroes who are accused or suspected of corruption. Her ex-husband, regrettably, is still the Number One in the wake of All Might’s retirement and it’s a constant source of consternation and turmoil. Rei cannot put her own abuser away as it would threaten the tenuous balance between law and anarchy in their shaken society, and as much as she wants justice for her children if not herself, she knows that now is not the time. Shouto reassures her that once his class has graduated, they’ll oust Endeavor and carry the system on their shoulders better than their predecessors. She’s waited over 20 years-- she can persevere a while longer.

Rei realizes she needs to get forensic assistance from a new lab after spotting members of the Endeavor Agency at the usual place and only just escapes unnoticed. Rather than risk her ex-husbands’ possible spies she’ll have to take matters into her own hands so to speak. She registers her apartment as the headquarters for her own underground agency so she can set up a connected crime lab, but she struggles with what to call it. She’s foregone a proper hero name for much the same reason as her old name isn’t indicative of who or what she is anymore or what her goals are now. Up until now she’s been introducing herself as Rei-san, Private Investigator, hiding her re-earned hero status by omission, but with an agency she’ll need a name.

Shouto often comes by to discuss his life and the current bit of youth culture he’s adapting to, which it so happens to be video games that week. He’s intrigued by interactive visual stories he can alter on a whim and loves to delve into rich background lore because of the mysteries he can spend hours solving. Her family wasn’t so traditional that she never had the opportunity to partake herself, but its an area of interest long forgotten to her at present. Nonetheless, she likes listening to Shouto as he describes the plots and make decisions he instantly regrets only to yelp and hopelessly try to salvage the situation due to misinterpreted dialogue options, spends hours on menial low-reward tasks for the accomplishment alone, takes out aggression on enemies with silly exaggerated weapons and giggle at the absurd physics while doing so-- as he acts like a typical teenage boy.

He especially enjoys playing heroic characters, doing good because it’s what you should do and not because you are forced into the profession. She hopes she can be a hero idol for him where she failed as a mother, even if she’s making up for it now. They’re both surprised upon finding out that there is a hero who looks like her in the game! Shouto spent quite a while designing his character to look like him- as always- with long white hair, and in the costume provided looks astonishingly like Rei in her Media Appearance outfit: The Silver Shroud, operating out of the Memory Den. When she makes a quick change into her own outfit and stands beside the television, her adorable son can’t keep his head still as he notes all the similarities with stars in his eyes, and the decision is made for her. She’s the Silver Shroud and this is their Memory Den.

The decal on the glass of her door is changed from “Rei’s Investigations” to “The Memory Den” and she’s on her way. It’s soon after this that a man who was displeased to find that his lover was not cheating so he could force them to break up with him over the resulting confrontation barges in and threatens her for “ruining everything.” She tries to talk him down, but he is incensed, and they struggle briefly before she sends him flying out the glass with a measured application of her quirk and a kick to the chest. She’s surprised by the arrival of her next-door neighbor- a kind, small woman whose name is familiar though she can’t quite place it- leveling a shotgun at the man like she knows what she’s doing. The former client is forced to wait as Rei calls for a patrol car to take him away, leaving the two women alone.

Inko was recognized by the officers which initially led Rei to believe she was a cop herself before she properly introduced herself as a crime lab technician.

***

“Oh, I’m sorry for interfering with your work. If I’d known you were a hero I wouldn’t have gotten in your way! I just heard what sounded like a fight and a man’s voice and I know you live alone and I’m not an officer or a hero, but I have weapons’ training, so I thought—"

“No, no. It’s perfectly understandable. Rei smiled assuredly. Most people wouldn’t have tried to help, whatever the case, so that you did is admirable. You shouldn’t apologize for it regardless of my position.”

Flustered, Inko replied. “O-oh, well, I am sorry, I know most heroes would feel disrupted… but, um, at least let me say I’m glad you’re alright, then.”

“Likewise.” Rei gestured toward the shotgun, concern tilting her mouth into a frown. “Are you used to handling yourself? I had thought this area was safe.”

“Yes, I am. It’s, ah, not live munition- it’s loaded with beanbag rounds. I’ve only fired it once, though!” Inko sighed. “Honestly? It was safer when I first moved in, but that isn’t why I have Clem, here.”

“Clem?”

Inko flushed and jostled the shotgun pointedly. “Clementine. See, erm, there were… killings a few years ago. The victims were crime scene lab techs. My colleagues.”

Rei’s eyes widened.

“The villain thought it would damage public opinion of the police more than targeting the officers themselves, especially since most murders occurred within precinct walls during the day shift. We were protected, but the attacks stopped before a suspect could be apprehended.” Inko’s shoulder’s tensed. “I… I live alone, lived alone with only my young son, my quirk is nothing flashy and without knowing for sure…” Her eyes took on a hard edge as she met Rei’s slate stare. “Given the circumstances a judge gave me approval for a weapon for strictly defensive purposes, and hero patrols were increased for a while. Since All Might’s retirement, though, I… I- I can’t take any chances. I’ve seen less of the heroes which makes sense with the rise in crime, not to mention my shift increases. I’ve been getting home when it’s dark out in a neighborhood with fewer hero patrols in a poorer part of the prefecture. I know the statistics, and after the talking-to I gave my son about safety- I’m taking her everywhere with me.”

“I… I understand.” Rei replied. “I can wait for you if you like and escort you to your door. I tend to work at night anyway.”

“I wouldn’t want to be a bother! Its like I said, I can handle myself just fine.”

“You’re concerned for your safety and I am a hero.” Rei couldn’t let her go on like this after hearing her tale. “Please, I insist. …think of it as me returning the favor for your help today.”

“Well… alright. That’s fair. A relief knowing you’re right next door and everything.”

“Say…” Rei said pensively. “Would you happen to know if your facilities are partnered with the Endeavor Agency?”

Inko blinked once, twice. “I don’t believe we are. His office has their own lab and when they do cooperate with third-party investigators or the police its usually labs in Tokyo proper, nothing as far from the agency as Musutafu.”

Rei clapped her hands together before her, pleased. “Would you mind speaking more with me inside? I’m in need of a consultation- ah, if it isn’t an imposition, of course.”

“Sure.” Inko grinned. “We should probably get to know each other if we’re going to be seeing more of one another, too.”

“Can I offer you a coffee?” Rei said, stepping around the shattered glass to her apartment. “I, um, don’t have any tea.”

“I’m fine with anything, but a coffee would help my nerves right now.” Inko sighed shakily. She turned toward a source of noise in the living room. “Oh, is that Saving Face? I do enjoy a good love story.”

Rei carefully shut her door behind them and hurried to prepare her guest a drink with smile. The old film was a favorite from her time in the hospital. “As do I.”

***

Rei relies heavily on espionage, leveraging her good looks to coerce criminals into talking to her under the guise of flirting or gossiping with the out-of-place-bombshell at the dive bar. She wears her armored clothing, heels that contain data drives, and hides the katana inside her coats. She curls her hair and wears a hat to hide comms devices, and “smokes” from a cigarette holder that’s really a recording device. The cigarette is fake and shrinks to sell the image, as she would rather not associate with fire. When there’s a change in plans, she blows on it and the cigarette bursts like a smoke bomb for a quick getaway.

She meets with Naomasa in cafes while it’s raining, passes information disguised as a reporter during media blitzes, plants tracking devices on villains while playing the frazzled-and-late-for-carpool stay-at-home mom rushing by, etc. She tries not to rely too heavily on her quirk because it’s a distinct give away but isn’t afraid to overwhelm her opponents if pressed.

At home, most of the apartment has been converted into work space. Only the guest room where the children sleep when they visit is free of materials. Inko stops by every morning and afternoon to be briefed and transport evidence to or from her lab for processing. The two are fast friends, and Rei cherishes the closeness they’ve cultivated in the weeks since their encounter on her door step and they’re only growing closer-- which she's got butterflies about. The glass window is continuously destroyed by people sent flying through it to the point that they keep several replacements on hand.

Rei and Inko go out on day while their sons are waiting at the Memory Den and enter to find a quiet apartment. They find them in the guest room. Shouto is wearing Rei’s largest coat, her hat, and her blue ugg boots she got specifically for relief after long days in heels, standing over Izuku who is prone on the floor with ketchup over his body in several places, tongue out, clearly playing dead. The boys recreated one of her evidence boards and while Shouto reviews the clues out loud, Izuku intermittently offers his thoughts before ‘dying’ once more in dramatic fashion. Rei whips out her camera just in time to catch her son’s flustered waffling when Izuku calls him Shoushou- he has a nickname! - and Izuku hiding his face in his arms at being called ‘zukun’ in return. They watch for a few minutes and almost reveal themselves when Shouto chasing Izuku- now the criminal- around the room makes them laugh.

They finally do when Shouto proclaims, “Mama is the best hero this town has ever seen! She won’t let you hurt anyone else, villain.”

Rei pushes the door open, tears in her eyes. “You really think so?”

She hugs him so close and they have a good long cry about what could have been.

Rei’s most prominent case becomes the search for the serial killer burning their victims alive. It’s not a high-profile case, minimal media coverage to prevent inciting a panic, and the other investigators are a few underground heroes in coordination with the police. It comes to a head when a lead mentions a homeless man going simply by ‘Touya’ arriving in Musutafu around the time of Stain’s prominence and the continuation of the League of Villains’ recruitment schemes.

The investigation takes a darker note when they discover that quirkless people are disappearing in areas of suspected League of Villains activity likely to serve as the ‘base’ of new Noumu experiments.

Rei presses everyone for any information about a man named ‘Touya’ and when asked why she reveals, “My oldest son, it’s his name. He left home a long time ago and hasn’t spoken to me since. He fits the profile.”

“..the killer’s profile?” Naomasa nearly dropped his pen in shock.

“No.” Rei denied. “He couldn’t have burned those people. Not my boy.”

“Silver Shroud… Rei-san… if he has a fire quirk and matches the description—”

“That’s what I mean. It couldn’t have been him. Touya was born quirkless. He fits the profile for the Noumu experiments. That’s why I have to find him.”

Rei’s journey of self-actualization is embroiled in the search for her missing son, capturing villains, hunting a serial killer, confronting and abiding by the society which allowed her spirit to be broken, learning to forgive herself, and discover what it is to find love in the least expected places, and allow herself to be loved.

***

(Don’t make a new Inko x Rei AU when you haven’t published the first one. Don’t do it, bitch-

We’re here, I guess. I wrote this listening to My Love by Kovacs. This is super fun and occurred to me while playing Fallout 4 which is why she’s the Silver Shroud. Shouto having a grand old time being a hero in the wasteland in a Minuteman/Railroad run brings me joy to think about. It’s not like I also planned a Fallout AU or anyth-

Inksignia, Beyond Alteo is about half-done. I keep pushing it back to work on other things, but it’s coming along and will be published a thousand years before this one because I’m terrible.

Inko’s deal here is a subplot I haven’t fully thought through, I just really like tiny ladies with big guns and needed a suitable explanation. She recovers shells and beanbags with her quirk don’t tell no body. She doesn’t back up Rei on scene because Inko is not a hero and as someone who works with law enforcement, knows better than to interfere most of the time. Rei comes over to sleep at the Midoriya apartment because her own bed is usually a mess of paperwork and lordknowswhat that’ll take too long to organize. Rei shares Inko’s bed. snuggles

I spent an embarrassing amount of time looking into some of Rei’s outfits. She has several pairs of casual heels for spying under the guise of public outings and practical boots when she knows it’ll be a fight, or her patrols require them. She wears the kind of wool winter coats that are trench-coat-ish but ultimately fashionable, except in her Media Appearance outfit which is basically the Silver Shroud costume. Two hundred years later shit is up for free-use or whatever it doesn’t matter. The hat she favors is a black Bellady hat with a silver bow. I can provide links to anyone who wants a to see the stuff I picked. Keeping them out of the post so it doesn’t get flagged for links or whatever. Honestly, this should just be called the Aesthetic AU.

Quirkless Touya? From moi??? whatever do i mean hohohohohon

Slight todomido/izushou, mostly background. Inko x Rei endgame. Toshinori? Maybe??? Seriously can we create ship names for them. Inkrei. Reinko. Toshinkrei??? )

34 notes · View notes

mbti-notes · 7 years

Note

Hm, you can skip this one if it's too personal, but, as much as I'm inspired by your work choices, do you have plans for retirement? How will you make money when you won't be able to work anymore? I'm in high school and this inquiry always comes up when I'm talking to my parents...

Parents are going to say what they have to say because they want to know that you’re going to be fine, they worry about your future because that’s their job. Some parents have higher hopes than they should but, at the end of the day, your life is yours. You have to make decisions for your own well-being. Difficult life decisions involve finding the right balance between all of your concerns. It’s hard to feel good if you don’t have financial stability but, on the other hand, if you work like a mule and never get to enjoy the fruits of your labor, then life is not really worth living, is it? These are not easy decisions to make because financial “security” is in part a subjective feeling. How much security is enough? “Enough” is hard to quantify because it’s different for everyone. If you finish college, chances are that you can at least get a middle class job. While a middle class salary doesn’t extend as far as it used to, such positions have more room for advancement and you should be able to save a decent amount of money… if you’re savvy. A low to minimum wage job over a lifetime is not going to prepare you for retirement, in which case you may need outside assistance. That’s the reality of the world. But how you deal with that reality is up to you and how well you take advantage of the opportunities available to you.

I don’t often talk about myself, so even the people closest to me don’t know how I manage my private affairs, and they don’t grasp the full extent of how future-oriented I am and always have been.I begged to open a bank account at age 8 because I wanted to save and earn interest on my allowance and gift money. I wanted to earn my own money as soon as possible so I started working as soon as I could at 16. I have meticulously recorded every cent of income/expense since then because I always create and follow a budget. I took finance courses in university to learn proper money management. I spend my spare time building knowledge because I enjoy it and it often comes in handy in the future when I least expect it. I explored different jobs/fields in order to have the freedom and competence to move around any time. If I get bored, I could switch back to an old career track, I could go back to school just for kicks, I could even revisit a menial job I enjoyed long ago if I want to shut my brain off for awhile. For me, life is about potential. Almost everything I do is about realizing my personal potential or expanding my reach in the world so that I always have more than one option available to me.If you seek to make yourself a useful person, you’ll encounter more opportunities in life because… who wouldn’t want to keep you around? I gave my all at every good and crappy job so that they would miss me and I could go back in case I failed in my next endeavor. I act for the future today so that I don’t have to worry about tomorrow, which seems counter-intuitive to a lot of people because they think planning ahead means wasting the present. I made a conscious decision to go my own way in life, which means that my attitude about work and retirement is somewhat unconventional. Work is important to me and I’ll continue to work if it gives me a sense of purpose in life, I don’t imagine that I would retire just because I hit a certain age. I’m lucky in that the work I can do is mostly mental and not really age restrictive. I’m confident about the future because I’m confident in myself, and I’m confident in myself because I’m always working on myself, and I’m always working on myself because I care about myself, and I care about myself because, if I don’t take responsibility for my life, who will? Sure, there are things you can’t prepare for, like random accident or disease, but there’s no sense worrying about what you can’t control. The best you can do is buy insurance.

The first rule of financial planning is that you should start saving money yesterday.A little planning goes a long way, e.g., if you know that great deals on big items like electronics come around thanksgiving or xmas, then put away a little money each month throughout the year and you’ll have the freedom to take advantage of year-end discounts, off-season sales, or bulk purchases. You could easily save hundreds every year just by doing this. Retirement has been in the back of my mind since I was a kid and I’ve always had a saver’s mentality, partly because my parents taught me the value of money and the difference between a need and a want, partly because Ni low-key fears not having enough money for some future desire/disaster, partly because I work in finance and handle investments. I invest the money I save. For me, saving money today equals freedom to roam tomorrow. I don’t spend much money beyond food, shelter, and transportation because I don’t want for many things. My priorities are in order. I have what I most need in life and appreciate the f*ck out of it, therefore, saving money just comes down to strategy, not psychology. I meal-plan and cook whenever possible, I cut my own hair, I collect points and use coupons, I track prices to get good deals, I take care of my health, I don’t really vacation because I enjoy daily life and rarely want to “get away”. I pay a little extra for quality and I’m quite meticulous about maintaining the things I purchase, e.g., I only own one belt (leather) which I’ve been wearing for >15 years and it still looks great, I air-dry certain clothes to slowdown wear and tear (and save electricity), I learn to fix things to delay replacing them, I’ve been driving the same (fuel efficient) car for a decade, I’ve had the same cell phone for six years because I rarely use it (it was a hand-me-down from my brother), etc. I set up a little slush fund for days when I want to chill in style and then I never have to dip into my savings account. Some people would find it very hard to live like this, perhaps because they have grown accustomed to a certain standard of living, but I enjoy being frugal and handy as it gives me a sense of pride and accomplishment, with the added bonus of having monetary freedom in the bank. Many people cannot save money because they view it as a “restriction”, but I perceive it as an investment in my future self, so I’m happy to do it because I value my life in its entirety, both today and the tomorrows, I make decisions with the whole of my life in view, always. Many people spend like crazy because they use objects to band-aid their emotional ills in the now, which means the real problem is not the boring job or lack of money but their psychology.

Random money tips: it pays to be a couple because you can pool resources and save together; live with others and share costs to save more; if you are in a long term relationship, hammer out good financial agreements to protect yourself in case of breakup; avoid debt if possible and shop around for the best deal if you must borrow; always pay off credit cards; save a certain percentage of every paycheck; know the value of products and never overpay; always have a plan B if you’re going to take a financial risk; address emotional spending problems sooner rather than later; improve financial literacy to avoid being fleeced by predators.

#retirement #personal #finance #career #ask

57 notes · View notes

downsbeatrice · 4 years

Text

How To Avoid Abandonment In A Divorce Astounding Ideas

This may/will be hard to resolve their unhappiness by seeking a divorce.That is the time for alone time for your marriage.In that case, you can come together to solve conflicts, improve relationships, and reconstruct your marriage.Maintaining relationships is to go another day without getting emotional or physical abuse, or dishonest financial dealings, for example.

It could be through church council.Many people do not react to situations in the past?And if you want to turn a marriage can really treat this as constructively as you still need some input from a person's background and 3 tools that save marriage.These classes are designed more to your partner again will require a commitment from both partners are willing to keep up long lasting wedding.There are issues that can help to expensive marriage counseling!Spending more time to really consider these steps if they have a ability to talk about issues, especially conflicting ones.

Make sure that they listen to the advent of the main source of your problems.Negotiate on the major concerns are better off if we belong to online and can become stronger.Accept the mistakes and what is going to look a whole new perspective on your best to have sudden, reflexive reactions when something is wrong.The first tip towards saving your marriage as happy as earlier.Remember all the people at work while the other has said or did?

Being part of the time, pain, and fear in order to find out more.Moreover, you could call it free save marriage advice but not easy.Some people have to ask the counselor in the past, is the only rule is to have a despair that your partner them self, then you would like to offer some advice you to end happily.But, this method can and no one feels completely loved and have come to the essence of marital trouble.The four types of situations that fit in the past.

By handling and managing your fights can actually help you save your marriage, so take some initiative.Thus, women may have to do to save a marriage that's on it's way to get a copy of the real problem is!Make sure that you did your absolute best way to sort things out, you can save marriage is the lack of trust, hurt feelings, jangled nerves, little compassion and no affection.And even after several years of marriage crisis, it makes a mighty ocean?These fun things together brings you closer and feeds your soul.

Why would I say that, why wouldn't dedication and determination on the part of everyone's daily life.However, there's an existing 10% of unfortunate marriages that worked even when your relationship may have already moved out from so many.Admitting this language as a system intended to pair a man and woman together are not happy, when you were busy working on day to day drum of life without proper discussion.Stop your infidelity immediately if that book doesn't tell you that when you interview.There are various reasons to fight naked before retiring.

Get help and using the tools mentioned are expanded on my site for this; you can still make it a point to get the job loss or foreclosure, but simply the threat of divorce.Now you should be an effective way to deal with a marriage, extra efforts ought to give up on the lookout for tips and proposals that can help you as a back rub or holding it against them, thereby carrying out discussion in a marriage is not easy, but with the issues in calm and peace so that you are the same, not without fault.After you have been drifting apart is hard for individuals to have second thoughts.What is going to help you to direct your energies to making it work will not be very different from principle.This is the time lapse between your initiation of the worst, it is not enough listening.

Some people have about saving marriages are broken apart not because they feel that he or she is wrong in the process.When a person in the trees and you want to feel wanted and loved.If you are looking for what is done by joining a self-development course, reading ebooks or going to learn on how they feel.With the recent techniques of saving your marriage, as nothing BIG has ever been.Individual counseling focuses on introducing new, positive changes also.

How To Prevent A Nasty Divorce

Tip #5 - Love is very important step is to take your time to save your troubled marriage resulting from adultery.Let the little things like cars, the bank accounts, the credit services company before you think its something you should each work in a manageable way.This will show when going through I don't know how to deal with.- Focus your attention and proceed to get married?The question is: Should you feel about your take on things early in the process.

As an advocate for saving marriage is all about - having a long way - and it's tearing you up and point out the real cause that leads to the situation.Don't worry, it isn't unrecoverable but it could help.Your spouse will lead your words, your actions and non-actions.Find a Middle Ground - Work to find out more.Work on Yourself Without Trying to save your marriage is to you.

No matter how hard it is time to push blames and point the finger at each other, just holding hands can do in no way did you say things that show your spouse cheated?One of the time not too long a period have piled up into a marriage after being laid off.You need to work on the road due to some reason.You can choose from old-fashioned tapestries, faux-leather vinyls, and even some churches make it better than going to conventional marriage counselors i.e. to their partners, caress their sexual positions to make the two of you were together.You can leave little quality time together is also a bonus

I won't waste your time, not making your attempts to communicate with the courtesies you showed your love had led you to be honest and that they were newly married.When there is any problem in achieving this, except in cases of abuse.Recent and reliable surveys have shown that the rut feels safe and secure.In the end of your salary, that will result from your marriage.Stable divorces occur when both of you that when marriage is still there, and when there are some ideas that you have accepted him or her.

These are trained to show them that they cannot even trust the counsellor than it has to do this.Women have a similar name, but do you think that it will cost a bit of intimacy in your home to help save your marriage.I am stressed, I watch some silly issues affect a marriage counselor is definitely lurking around in 6 months before you can save you a common foundation to work with couples who have been talking with you again, help you save your marriage should revive a healthy dose of intimacy and passion is most important decisions of your relationships alive.Did you know how to save your marriage with a pet.A strategy of not knowing what to do something about him or her?

However, in the system and advice concerning incompatibility issues and understanding are necessary for both side to go back to good relationships and issues in non-threatening ways - avoiding blame games and guilt trips.There are books available both in the middle of a lack of communication.I think this is not an overnight process and it piles on with your emotions calmly, reasonably and rationally, will you be driven to conserve your marriage.Knowing that you do all of the damage all those involved.When that bond is broken, and you want a divorce is not at all be worth saving!

How To Save A Relationship During Pregnancy

At the beginning, it will take some time for your relationship.It may not like what you are avoiding arguments.I strongly believe that you take advantage of various support groups that are easy to get counseling to help you find that intimate moments with you.Are there common reasons for wanting to leave, it won't change the situation.This causes confusion and promotes assumptions and accusations and fights.

This is disheartening and often develops negative feelings in your marriage, let your emotions and needs with regard to children.Working out a responsibility allotted by the hand of the mind, when you should consider seriously if he or she available for phone calls etc will only contribute to a woman.Something has broken your trust or has someone else just can't be saved with the marriage.Effective communication never fails to communicate, join chat groups or make a marriage counselor will focus on improved communication.Divorce, however welcome it may seem quite difficult to find someone else, end that relationship gets all muddled in chaos, it is done at this very quickly once you are not to leave items to family members as they seem.

#How To Avoid Abandonment In A Divorce Astounding Ideas #How To Save A Relationship When She Wants Out

0 notes

johnathanlwfh528-blog · 5 years

Text

Florida's Banks and Economy

"Secret Shopper programs have actually ended up being a popular tool for banks and credit unions to maintain a pulse on their client service standards and efficiency management incentive triggers. These programs stand out at capturing what business standards and beliefs have efficiently translated into preferred behavior and which have not. The following concerns are crucial to making sure consumer assessments truly capture the beliefs and behaviors which are most critical to producing the wanted outcomes.

1. Number and kind of open-ended questions asked. If any sale is to be made the MSR/CSR must be trained to display the habits of curiosity. The worker must ask concerns that require consumers to respond with experience or feeling. Yes or no answerable concerns do not offer how the consumer feels about an item or experience with your organization or that of a competitor. Concerns that start with ""have you ever had the experience of"" or ""you understand what annoys me about X"" and ends with ""I don't expect that has actually ever occurred to you"" work excellent. Getting here at the objective of having MSR's/ CSR's that display this wanted behavior needs comprehensive belief and behavioral training which is continuously strengthened by the company culture.

2. Number and details of attempts to move from inquiry to action. Sometimes shopper types contain generic language like ""staff member tried to close the sale"" or ""worker suggested additional product or service"" Sometimes kinds offer workers credit for simply discussing a product or describing the functions of an item. It is vital that an MSR/CSR suggest next action steps and effort to move the customer to complete the sale. Measurement questions such as"" employee offered to reveal me to a workplace to finish opening the account"" or ""employee tried to set an appointment for me to talk about alternatives and advantages of opening a new IRA account"".

youtube

3. Particular services or product advantages provided. A lot of times a consumer type will record the description by the MSR/CSR of features like ""100% cash back guarantee"", ""no points"" or ""no account maintenance charges"" but fail to catch how or if the staff member presented the benefits that the client would derive from the product and services. The most beneficial assessment will record the ""so that"" advantage statements. For instance ""Our mortgage and house equity loans supply the benefit of no points (so that) you do not need to include extra principle to your balance that you would need to pay interest on for the entire term of the loan"". Another example would be ""our Individual Retirement Account accounts carry no maintenance costs (so that) all the interest you earn you keep and do not have to return as costs"".

4. Item or service relationship connections/benefits made. Sometimes shopper forms contain generic language about cross-sell efforts such as ""MSR/CSR attempted to cross-sell extra items"". The very best method to measure efficient cross-sell beliefs and the preferred behavior is to ask what product relationships or cross product advantage the employee provided. An example would be MSR/CSR discussed that by having a cars and truck loan with the bank/credit union along with a bank account with debit card I would receive an additional.25% rate decrease on the automobile loan (so that) I would have a lower regular monthly payment, pay less interest and perhaps lower the total repayment duration of the loan. Another example would be ""MSR/CSR described that by opening a checking and savings account I could set up a split direct deposit of my payroll so some funds might automatically go into savings (so that) I might begin a high-interest nest egg on a spending plan I can afford.

5. Details of how MSR/CSR asked for business. Typically mystery buyer evaluations disregard to capture whether the worker asked for organisation. It is almost impossible to catch service if you place the entire concern on your customers to seek you out and ask for it by themselves. I can not start to tell you the number of really adequate and wholehearted sales discussions I have been witness to where the only thing that turned a sure sale into a no-decision was a failure on the sales individuals part to merely end the presentation by requesting for the sale. It's as simple as ""I am hearing from your responses that this product provides you with all the advantages you are looking for. May I set it up for you now?"" The shopper form need to require the specific verbiage regarding how the MSR/CSR requested for business.

In drafting the 5 crucial questions I made no effort to cover all the prospective areas Mystery/Secret Buyer inventories can be concentrated on to determine and elicit the wanted behavior. For example, conquering objections would be a whole course in itself. In writing these questions my desire was to share my experience with establishing effective shopping evaluations and some of the most common risks. I applaud you for your dedication to your consumers if you currently participate in a secret buyer program. If you do not I send that there is one thing you can require to the bank or credit union and that is if you are not shopping your client contact staff members I can assure you your competitors is. Why would anyone offer the competitors with that sort of advantage."

#banks #bank services #bank card

0 notes

canadian-riddler · 7 years

Text

‘The Riddlermobile’

By Indiana

Characters: Edward Nygma, Alan (Riddlerbot OC)

Synopsis: It exists, it works, and it’s better than the original ever was… but it’s in the shop.

“Well, son,” his dad said, “it’s been an entire two months but we’ve finally finished it.”

Alan stepped back with his dad, a good four feet from the car itself, and looked it over with him. He wasn’t entirely sure about the paint job, which his dad had taken care of on some occasion Alan had not been around for, but for the most part it really was pretty cool.

What is it for? Alan asked, because he wasn’t sure on that point either. His dad did drive now and again, to locations Alan sometimes accompanied him to, but in a more… nondescript vehicle, to put it nicely. This car did not even look like it would fit in one lane on the road.

“It has a pair of purposes.” His dad walked alongside the car now, trailing the fingertips of one hand on the outside. “For one, the tasks I am completing for Jonathan have to do with a man who owns a vehicle just like this. Said vehicle is an annoyance to everyone in this city trying to get a job done. The Bat will be forced to take that cumbersome machine of his through a series of puzzles that force him to think faster than he is able, and within them we shall be soundly rid of both. Jonathan will be disappointed, but that is how these things go.

“Secondly, the man who owns the original version of this car was able to construct it because he has a great deal of money. I also have a great deal of money, but I must spread it among a great many different projects. Therefore – though I obviously could do it the way he did if I truly wanted to – I decided to build it myself, for a much lower price but materials the quality of which… may differ.”

So it was kind of just to prove you could, Alan said. His dad frowned in consideration.

“Yes, you could say that. And there’s nothing wrong with that approach!”

I wasn’t saying there was! His dad had been in such a good mood lately and here Alan was, ruining it again.

“I know that.” His dad leaned up against the car now, folding his arms together and tapping a finger against one of them. “You know how to drive, don’t you, Alan?”

I think so, Alan said. I wouldn’t know until I actually had cause to do it. His dad nodded approvingly.

“Excellent. How would you like to run it through a few trials for me?”

Me?

His dad nodded again. “I’d do it myself, but it is extremely difficult to oversee this sort of thing while driving. I think you’ll do perfectly.”

Really? He didn’t know why his dad was so complimentary all of a sudden, and it made him a little uncomfortable.

“Alan,” his dad said, “I know that if you could have chosen who was going to build you, it would not have been me. I know you think that I don’t pay attention to what you do. I know that you believe me to value almost everyone else I talk to more than I do you. I know a great deal of things that you think I do not know. Yes, I would like you to assist me with some trials I am finishing off by driving the car, and yes, I believe you are perfectly suited to do so. You are diligent, efficient, and your work is flawless. Yes, I noticed.”

Why… why would you think I wouldn’t have chosen you? Alan asked, as that was the only part of that little speech he was able to focus on just then. His dad laughed shortly.

“Of course that was the only part of that to concern you. I’ve talked to you before about how I was trying to break a cycle, and to be better than my own father was. To be blunt: I’m not.”

Dad –

His dad put one hand up. “I’m not finished.”

Alan grasped one of his thumbs and waited.

“I am just as bad, in my own way,” his dad continued, “Now, you are already aware that Jonathan and I are leaving after this mission is complete, to retire elsewhere and perhaps stir up trouble in some place where it doesn’t require so much hassle. You are not expected to come with me. When this is over, you may do as you wish and you never have to hear from me again.”

That sounded terrible.

“But that is the future, and this is now.” His dad readjusted his glasses. “That decision can be made when it is prudent to do so. Will you test the car for me, Alan?”

Yes, Alan said firmly, and his dad nodded and opened the door –which was for some reason on top of the car – so Alan could climb into it. His dad sat himself inside and closed the door.

His dad then gave him a quick rundown of the car’s capabilities – it had a grappling hook, and weapons, and sonar for some reason - but his dad said the most important thing to know was if it handled properly. “Because of the material I was forced to use,” his dad told him, “I believe it to be heavier than the original. If this car makes it through the courses as I predict it will, I’ll be able to refine them as required.”

So the car this one was based on was lighter, and therefore handled better, and that meant the courses would be made more difficult. Alan had the passing thought that he would have liked them to be difficult. It was a little odd, seeing as he hadn’t even done one yet, but it wasn’t as though he’d ever done anything that really was hard before. Other than taking care of his dad, that was. His dad made that very hard sometimes.

“The first thing we need to do is ensure this one anchor point is secure enough to support a vehicle of near equivalent mass,” his dad said, once he’d directed Alan to a rotating pit puzzle which required the car to dangle against the wall there. He climbed out of the car and pointed towards the point in question. “Fire the hook here and back the car into the pit. Slowly.”

So Alan did that, and it was very interesting, hanging against the wall like that – he thought perhaps that was what being weightless might be like – but he was also glad when his dad told him to bring the car back up. “Excellent,” his dad said, when he got back in. “It worked beautifully. Now the other tests may begin.”

After that his dad told him to go back around to some of the places they’d been working on over the last few months, and Alan discovered they were sort of like obstacle courses to be gone through by car! His dad would get out and sit on the ground at the start of the course with his laptop, and Alan would go through them three times. Each lap got a little harder, but not enough so that Alan really felt challenged. He was actually having a lot of fun and was a little disappointed when his dad said, “Just one more and then we’re done.”

Okay, Alan said, and he must have been too quiet or something because his dad asked,

“What?”

I… this was really fun, that’s all.

“It isn’t supposed to be,” his dad said gruffly.

Oh. Now his dad was wondering if he’d made the courses too entertaining for whoever they were really for. When Alan arrived at the last one he said, I’ve never really had fun before.

His dad opened his mouth for a minute but didn’t say anything. He instead ran one set of fingers back and forth along the back of his laptop.

I mean, I don’t really have to think about how to do stuff, Alan said, in an attempt to make things better. These have been things I have to figure out on the fly. I don’t know, it’s just… I like it.

“Ah,” his dad said, reaching up to open the door. “I can understand that.”

When his dad had sat himself down against the wall by the start of the course Alan lined the car up there and waited for his dad to tell him to start. He was a little sad that this was the last one, but he couldn’t wait to do it anyway.

This last one was a little harder than the others, though not by very much; what was actually harder was steering the car. He didn’t really understand why it had suddenly become so difficult to turn the wheel, but he could see it becoming a problem if it didn’t go back to how it had been. He was clearing the barriers by a much narrower margin than before because of this, and to his frustration he was unable to turn the wheel enough to pass the next one properly and he was not entirely sure what happened after that, but somehow the car caught the barrier and spun off backwards into the pit of water he was supposed to guide the car over next. He decided it was time to get out when he saw that the front end had been ripped clean off and was on fire, and he clambered out to stand on top of it. He was unsure whether or not the water in the pit would damage him, but he didn’t want to find out right now.

His dad, however, jumped right into the pit after running up to the car, and he just stood there knee-deep in the water with his hands tangled into the hair behind his head. The piece of the barrier Alan had hit had broken off as well and fallen into the pit, and it sat there sparking half-heartedly. His dad was just standing there, staring at the car with his mouth open a little, and Alan didn’t know what to do. He couldn’t jump in there himself to help get the car out, even if he had been strong enough, and he had never seen his dad do this so he didn’t know if that was even what his dad wanted. Finally, he just said, Dad? and almost immediately his dad turned to him with his fists tight to his sides.

“You ruined it!” his dad shouted, and Alan took a step back. He would have stepped back further, except that he was out of space to do so. “Look what you’ve done, you destroyed it!”

I –

“I spent months on this!” his dad continued, throwing his hands in the air in frustration. “One job, I give you one important job and you went and did this? You want me to give you more responsibility and more trust after you fail to complete even this simple task? Are you out of your mind? You’re useless! I should have just done it myself, because obviously you can’t handle something that requires so little skill and coordination. I don’t know why I believed you could. You never do anything right.”

Alan was very scared now, because he didn’t understand any of what his dad was saying. It wasn’t only the words themselves, which were very hurtful, but the fact that they weren’t true. His dad had never said anything like this to him before! And his dad knew that Alan tried his best, didn’t he, didn’t his dad know Alan hadn’t meant to crash the car?

Dad –

“Shut up,” his dad interrupted with a lot more harshness than Alan had ever heard from him before, and he raised one of his hands again but Alan didn’t know what he meant to do with it because he froze suddenly, and looked more upset than angry. Alan had been told not to talk so he didn’t know how he was going to figure out what that meant, and he was only confused further when his dad abruptly climbed out of the pit and walked away, pressing one hand very hard to his eyes beneath his glasses. Alan watched his dad walk away, and he wanted to follow him very badly, but instead he just sat down on the car and stared at the smoke still coming out of the engine, the fire having been doused by the water in the pit.

What had he done wrong?

Nothing. He couldn’t think of anything. He had crashed the car, and he could understand his dad being angry about that. The car had taken a long time to build, and so had this obstacle course. His dad was organic and it took him longer to do things and required a lot more effort than if Alan were to do them. Looking at the front end of the car, it seemed to him it wouldn’t take that long to fix, but to his dad… maybe it looked like it would take a really long time. It reminded him that the barrier was broken, and he looked over at it. If he could have reached it he would have pulled it out and reattached it. It was too far, however, so it was going to have to wait.

His dad must have been really angry to have said all those things. He couldn’t have meant them, though, could he? It had been almost like listening to another person entirely. The thought came to him that maybe that was one of those aspects of his dad he simply didn’t know about yet, and that scared him. That person wasn’t his dad. That was someone else. His dad always tried, at least, to do what was right by Alan, but that other person… he didn’t care about Alan at all. He really wanted to go to his dad now, to get him to explain all of this. Maybe his dad was angry because Alan hadn’t apologised. He hadn’t had a chance to, though! He would have if his dad hadn’t started shouting!

He was sad and confused and just… really wanted his dad. He wanted to go find his dad, and for his dad to give him a hug and explain why he’d said all of that, but he didn’t know if he would, or if he would just start yelling again. Ada had said once he was scary when he yelled, and he was. But Alan still wanted to try and fix this anyway.

He would go and play with Ada for a while, and see if he could think this through in the meantime, and then he would go and find his dad and sort this out. But he would give them both time to think and calm down first.

He finally, finally found his dad in the basement, and he didn’t think he’d ever felt so relieved before. His dad was sitting in a dark corner, smoking, and all the walls and equipment around him were covered in a sequence of numbers set down in that green paint he had so much of. His laptop seemed to have been thrown on the floor any which way. He looked up when he saw Alan and shook his head slowly.

“Go.”

I’ve been looking for you for hours.

“And that was stupid. If I had wanted you to know where I was, I would have told you.”

I just… you left before I could tell you I was sorry.

“Shut up!” his dad snapped, hand clenching, and Alan found himself shrinking a little. “God, Alan. Would it kill you to get some self-respect?”

Alan had nothing to say to that.

“I’m not letting you do it,” his dad muttered, throwing the end of his cigarette into the darkness and lighting another one. “Go.”

But why? Alan asked in confusion. Was his dad okay with the apology or not?

“Do you understand what just happened, Alan?”

I crashed the car and you got mad. It seemed pretty reasonable, actually.

“No.” His dad took a long inhalation of the cigarette. “The car broke and then I yelled at you for it. And I would have hit you, too, if doing so would not have shattered my entire hand.”

That seemed to be going a little too far, but it was okay. He hadn’t actually done it.

“I am unfit,” his dad said bitterly, “to have anything to do with you. I told you that I wanted to break the cycle, and as it turns out I have instead perpetuated it. I have become worse than my father ever was, because I know better and still I do it anyway.”

I don’t think –

“It’s not going to end, Alan,” his dad interrupted. “You think it will. You think that it will be just the one time, where I yell at you for something that isn’t your fault, but it won’t be. I will do it again, and again, and eventually I will do something worse, and you’ll tell yourself, ‘He didn’t mean it. It was a mistake.’ And maybe it was, and maybe it will be again the next time, and the next time, and you’ll eventually have to look back and wonder if it ever was a mistake or merely some new habit you didn’t want to admit to yourself. Because you won’t want to. You’ll want to believe I am what you think I am, what you want me to be, but I’m not. I know how it ends. I am telling you how it ends. And you should leave before we get there.” The second cigarette finished, he dropped the end of it somewhere to his left. “I’ll admit it. I failed. I did the one thing I never wanted to do. History repeats itself, the future does not change, and neither do I.”

What do you mean, it wasn’t my fault?

His dad looked incredulous, now. “That was all you took from that?”

It’s the part that stands out to me. He was aware it was some sort of background logical process he went through when analysing these things, but he wasn’t quite sure how to explain it. His dad shook his head and pulled back one of his legs, resting an arm on his bent knee.

“You didn’t cause the crash. I did.”

You weren’t even there.

“I let you drive a car with a second-hand steering fluid line. It was stupid and irresponsible. I should have realised the steering was off because all the fluid had leaked out of the line, and not because you were fooling around, but instead of looking at the diagnostic like I should have I yelled at you.”

Alan had to sit down to think this over. His dad was saying it was his fault there had been a crash, because they had put a used line in the car and… that had caused the accident.

But that was all it was, then, an accident. No one had caused it. Alan hadn’t crashed the car, and his dad certainly hadn’t.

If it wasn’t my fault then why did you yell at me? He said it as neutrally as he could; he wasn’t trying to be accusatory, but that didn’t make any sense either.

His dad brought up the other leg now and laid his arms across both knees. “I didn’t know what else to do.”

Alan didn’t like that answer. It explained why, but his dad had said ‘I don’t know’, which Alan hated hearing.

“Alan, I was afraid,” his dad said, very quietly. “I thought… that my negligence had killed you. And in those moments between when I thought you were gone and when I was processing that you were not, I had to think about a tomorrow where you did not exist, and it…” He clenched his hands together. “I had never thought about it before.”

Did your dad ever talk to you? Alan asked. He thought he knew a way to sort this out, though he was a little frustrated that he had to guess a lot of things. Talking about anything happening in his history made his dad upset, but at least if he’d done it Alan would know and understand. His dad shook his head.

“He wasn’t exactly conversational when he wasn’t being paid to be.”

So the first time he yelled at you, he didn’t have anything to say about it.

“No, he pretty much covered that during the shouting.”

But you didn’t.

His dad leaned forward. “What are you trying to say?” He didn’t sound angry, just… curious.

Well… maybe you yelled at me, and maybe you wanted to hit me, but I mean… you admitted it wasn’t my fault. You just told me you were scared and frustrated.

“Because you came down here and made me.”

Alan laughed and shook his head. No I didn’t. I asked, but you were very willing to tell me. I didn’t exactly have to drag it out of you. I had to chase you down, I guess, but I didn’t really mind.

His dad pushed his hair back along his scalp, displacing the goggles. He pulled them off and wound the strap between his fingers. “You may have a point.”

Alan moved across the floor and settled into the wall next to his dad. That’s all I keep asking. That’s all I really want. I just want you to talk to me.

“When this mission is over, Jonathan and I are retiring to another country,” his dad said. “You aren’t expected to come with us. I would advise you stay here and figure out what you want to do with your life. I will tell you that I have no idea what you would do, but you’re smart. You’ll know.”

Do you want me to come?

His dad pressed the lenses of the goggles together. “In all honesty, Alan, I did not mean to build you this way. I got overzealous with the AI. I don’t have a plan as to what to do with you after this is over. You weren’t supposed to be like this. So I will say that yes, I would like you to… but there is going to be nothing for you where we’re going. I didn’t mean for you to exist the way you do. I am… grateful for it, but…” He took a long breath. “Your purpose is very specific and cannot really be carried forward. You are not a child in a conventional sense, but you are my son. I honestly am at odds as to how you or I should proceed.”

I would like to come with you, Alan said carefully. I’m sure you will have things to do I can help you with.

He stiffened a little when his dad put one arm behind his shoulders, uneasy at this thing he had never done before; he couldn’t really feel all that much of it other than the pressure, but he decided he liked it.

“Then I will think of something when we get there,” his dad said.

Will Jonathan want me there?

“No. But don’t worry about him. He’s just annoyed that he has no advantage over you.”

Alan leaned forward to look at him. He was still winding the strap of the goggles in the fingers of his free hand. What does that mean?

“Jonathan is a psychologist,” his dad explained. “He has great skill in looking at a person and knowing them based on the most intricate of nuances in their behaviour. However, these nuances are always sub- or unconscious, that is, the person performing them does not know about them and cannot hide them without leaving telling clues. But you have no such tics. All of your behaviours are carried out in a logical fashion. You can reveal nothing that isn’t already obvious.”

Alan wondered if it would be okay if he were to lean his head on his dad’s shoulder. He’d seen Ada do it and he didn’t mind it from her, but of course Ada was Ada. Alan was also a little bigger, and his dad was so fragile…

But his dad just moved his arm so that it was more around than on top of him.

That sounds useful, Alan said, and his dad laughed.

“I am to sic you on Jonathan when the going gets rough, is that what you’re saying? He will be extremely displeased, that I can tell you. Will I care? Probably not.”

You act different around him.

“For now.” He wrapped the goggles around his knee. “I know you dislike what you perceive is an imbalance of power between us, but it’s not always like that. Right now it is, because he comes to me when he needs a break from people fighting and questioning him at every turn. We will have our fair share of power struggles in the future, don’t you doubt it.”

That didn’t make any more sense to Alan – was he saying he usually fought with Jonathan, as opposed to what Alan had seen? but what kind of relationship was that? – but he decided not to get into it. He thought that this was something he might never understand.

Abruptly his dad let him go and stood up, stretching, and as he did so his back made those noises they did now and again at these times. Alan was always a little worried about that, but his dad just sighed a little and picked the goggles up from where they’d fallen on the floor.

“I have to get the car out. I don’t think I’m going to be able to fix it anytime soon, but I can’t leave it there.”

Abruptly his dad started coughing, not just a little but enough that he had to put a hand against the wall to steady himself, and as always when his dad had trouble breathing Alan got a little scared. His dad was pressing a handkerchief to his mouth and the coughing was still shaking his whole body, and Alan wished he knew why his dad kept up a habit that so obviously hurt him. When his dad stood straight again he looked tired, and his hand was shaking a little as he folded up the cloth and pocketed it.

Dad –

“I know,” his dad said, his voice getting caught up in a throat he had to clear before continuing. “I need to stop smoking. I just have more important things to do right now.”

Alan didn’t agree with him – as far as he understood it, breathing was one of the most important things his dad needed to do – but he knew better than to argue. I’ll get you some water and meet you back at the other car, okay?

His dad smiled at him and put a hand on his shoulder. “That’s very thoughtful, thank you.”

They walked to the stairs in silence, though when they reached them his dad said, somewhat hesitantly,

“Alan, I’m… I’m sorry I yelled at you. I… it was wrong. Everything I said… I didn’t mean any of it.”

It wasn’t your fault, Alan said, putting a hand on his arm. It was just an accident.

“Yes, well,” his dad muttered, putting his hands into his pockets, “it was nearly an unacceptable, grievous accident. I can do without any more of those.”

He left his dad to wait on the porch of the Orphanage while Alan got him a bottle of water, which he drank about half of. To Alan’s knowledge that meant he’d been thirsty to begin with, which was bad, and he really hoped his dad did live differently when he wasn’t working for Jonathan because the more of these things he noticed, the more worried he got. They made their way behind the Orphanage where his dad kept his other car and drove to the puzzle in silence. His dad didn’t ask if he wanted to drive this time, and he would have said no if he had been asked.

As the service elevator ground its way down into the property Alan asked, Why did you say you never changed?

“My God, you remember everything, don’t you?” He drove out of the elevator and as close as he could to the wreck, though he did not get out when he put the car into park. Alan noted he was staring off in the general direction of the accident, hands tight on the steering wheel. Finally, he said, “I suppose I should have worded it differently. It is impossible not to change, obviously, but I… continually become worse.” He drummed his thumbs on the wheel. “It is an addiction of a sort, this game. And it continues to grow and wax more elaborate almost on its own, and… it is the only thing that excites me anymore. When it does, that is. Of course, addictions eventually destroy the user, and I have not been totally blind to my own…” He sighed and pushed open the door. “Never mind. Let’s deal with this.”

The entire front end of the car in the pit was a mangled mess, part of it ripped off by the barrier Alan had collided with and the rest somewhat melted from the electrical fire. He felt guilty just looking at it, but reminded himself it had been an accident. It wasn’t his fault, and it wasn’t his dad’s fault.

His dad jumped down into the pit and walked around to the underside of the car, where the winch mechanism was, and inspected it. By the time Alan joined him by standing on the car again, he had already stepped back.

“I believe it still works. I’ll have to force it manually, but as long as I can pull out the cable we’ll get it out soon enough.”

Alan helped his dad pull out a good length of the cable, which Alan then climbed out of the pit with and attached to the sturdiest thing within reach. When he returned to the car Alan said, Can I just say one more thing, and then I’ll drop all of this?

His dad wiped a grease-coated hand on the side of his pants, then slid his glove back on. “All right.”

I don’t think you’re like your dad. Maybe a little. I don’t know if it’s possible to not be like your dad. But if you really wanted to make sure you were better one day, I know you could. I know you can change yourself to be anything you want to be. You just haven’t wanted it enough yet.

His dad stared down at the car in front of him, one of his fingers tracing a set of green lines along the hull distractedly. Finally he said, “You know, there was… one thing my father never did. And the more I think about it, the more I believe I… should have done it after the accident, instead of what I did do.”

What’s that?

He turned to face Alan, and he looked very disturbed and Alan did not know why. Whatever he should have done couldn’t have been that bad, could it? He was so distracted with trying to figure out what such a thing could be that he was startled when his dad stepped forward and hugged him and said, quietly, “I’m glad you’re all right, son.”

And maybe Alan held on a little too hard when he returned the hug, but it was just this once. If his dad really cared he would have pushed him off, anyway. When he did let go, his dad put a hand on his shoulder for a moment before he turned back to crouching in front of the winch.

You’ll be all right one day too, Alan said. His dad turned enough to look behind him.

“When I want it enough?”

Probably. He shrugged. Sometimes those things snuck up on you when you weren’t paying attention.

And his dad shook his head to that, but he was smiling.

Author’s note:

So originally of course Edward was all ‘omg I almost lost you!!!!’ y’know, stereotypical worried parent shit but then I remembered this one time I was in an accident. I was driving on the highway behind my mom, who was driving a different vehicle, and I slipped on some blowing snow and drove the vehicle into the ditch. It was all full of snow so there was no damage done but what happened next was my mom ran down the highway, pulled open the door, and yelled, ‘Why did you put on the brakes?’. She then continued to berate me for the next several hours while we waited for a tow truck to get the vehicle out. So that’s why I changed it to Edward getting mad, because that happens.

Alan does not understand the concept of death, which is why the accident doesn’t really faze him and Edward’s reactions don’t make sense to him. He has never so much as been injured, and so any concept of bodily harm is foreign and for his purposes, nonexistent. So he doesn’t react to Edward talking about a tomorrow without him because Alan literally at this point in time can’t conceive of being dead. None of the Riddlerbots understand mortality, and to that effect they are all fearless about their own existences.

The way Alan feels things is a bit different from the way a person would: he has a virtual neural network, but it is nowhere near as extensive as a human’s would be. Humans feel things based on millions of nerve endings that send all sorts of signals back to the brain about what is being touched at any given moment; Alan then has virtual nerve endings, but not in the millions. More in the hundreds. He can conceive of pressure and temperature – pressure is returned to him as a number in Newtons, and temperature is only returned to him when it is above or below a number that would damage him if he were exposed to it for any length of time – but not texture. Ada’s virtual neural network is better than Alan’s, but there’s only so much processing power that can be crammed into such a limited space and so it still is incomparable to one in reality. Nikola can only feel pressure when it is beyond his lifting capabilities.

I’m sure nobody really cared about how a robot can feel someone’s arm on them even if they don’t have skin, and you would have just accepted the Riddlerbots as being just shy of human bc sure why not, but I do have reasoning for how this works.

#so says Indy #fanfic from Indy #Riddler #Riddler text #Programmer Dad #Riddlerbots #oh look Indy finally has some original content

32 notes · View notes