#not sure if its because of the medication i went on a bit ago or not sleeping at the right times or maybe like

[girlofthesunxoxo]

porn star dancing | james wilson

synopsis: y/n is a neuro-oncologist in wilson’s department and whenever she gets out of work, she works at a strip club. tonight is masquerade night which works in her favor when she sees her boss and his friend.

note: i have no medical knowledge or dancing knowledge so im flying blind here 😭 so if anything seems a little off, its because of that LMAO. also y/n is in her mid to late twenties while james is in his mid to late thirties.

y/n was just finishing up with a patient, making sure they were feeling fine after their surgery when she got a call from her friend, sheila. she excused herself from the room and went into a random hallway.

“oh hey, sheila ! whats up ?”

“hey, y/n ! im sorry to ask but can you take over my shift today ? my mom has come down with a really bad cold and i have to take care of her.” her apologetic tone evident in her voice.

“oooh um yeah im already finishing up here so i’ll be on my way over there in about thirty minutes !”

“oh my gosh, thank you thank you thank yoooou. i owe you big time !”

y/n lightly chuckled, “okay okay, ill call you later ! i need to talk to my boss really quickly.”

“okay bye !! also in case you forgot, tonight’s theme is masquerade.”

“yes yes, i remember the theme, i think i saw my costume there a few days ago. okay we’ll talk later, bye bye !”

she hung up before making her way towards her dr. wilson’s office. she knocked on the door and went inside after hearing a quiet, “come in.” she stood in front of his desk with her hands clasped in front of her, nervous about what she was about to ask.

“hello dr. l/n, what do you need ?” he asked with a polite smile on his face.

“hi dr. wilson, um i was wondering if i could leave a bit early today, i am already finished with our brain surgery patient and i think i have all my clinic hours done for this week !” she nervously rambled which james took notice to.

he quietly laughed and shook his head, “yes you can but if i may ask, what is the reason you need to leave early for ? you never leave early. are you feeling okay ?” his casual expression slightly changing to a more concerned look.

“oh no im feeling alright !” she knew she couldnt tell him the truth. how many people have gone to their very attractive boss and told them they couldnt work because they had to go to their second job which is a strip club. not a lot, she assumed.

“i just have to babysit m-my sister’s kids, shes not feeling the best !” her lie came out with little struggle.

“oh well i hope she is feeling better soon but yes you can go for the rest of the night.”

“okay thank you so much, dr. wilson !”

she quickly turned and walked out of the room with fast beating heart and blushed cheeks. there were times she hated how she had a slight crush on her boss. this was one of those times and it didnt help that his friend, dr. house was standing outside his door staring at her with a smirk. she tried to move past him but he put his cane in front of her stomach which stopped her movements.

“what do you need, dr. house ?” she tried to ask politely but she was in a little of a rush.

“yeah, why are you coming out of wilson’s office looking like you just finished riding him into oblivion ? oh im sure you would like that, right ?” his words made her blush as the thought of her on top of james has been a recurring dream of hers.

“u-um well im - im sorry, im in a r-rush to be-“ she was interrupted by the door opening and james’s annoyed voice filling her ears.

“house ! let her leave, please.” he rolled his eyes while shoving his cane away from y/n’s stomach. she smiled thankfully while rushing to the front doors to leave seeing as she had a few minutes before her shift started. as she was leaving, she heard dr. house’s fading words, “you know she has a-“ she didnt know what else he was going to say.

she drove to the club and quickly greeted all the other dancers while getting into her clothes which was black fishnets with very short red shorts that looked like underwear with little sparkly fringe that flowed every time she moved and a matching bra with the same fringe. (think of the girls from “but its better if you do” music video 😉).

she picked up some random black high heels that were covered in black glitter and she heard the crowd cheering as it was almost time for the dancers to come out .

she hurriedly did her makeup which was just more eyeliner and eyeshadow than she used for her day job.

sheila let her know on the drive that she was going to be in the spotlight which meant she could pick the song and be right in the center of the stage.

y/n was very anxious, she had only been in the center stage maybe two times despite being told by everyone that she was awesome but having that many eyes on her was very nervewrecking. that says a lot considering she literally works as a doctor and has to perform surgeries sometimes.

she picked the song “porn star dancing” considering she practiced at home days prior, just in case somebody needed her to take on their shift.

the microphone crackled before a loud voice came on, “lets give a biiiig round of applause for our dancers !” two girls gave y/n a “goodluck” before heading out to their poles which were on either side of the center pole.

“and let us let our main dancer for the night know how much we looove her, welcome to the stage, mrs. vibraaaant vixen !”

y/n quickly put on her red, glittering mask with tall feathers which only covered her eyes. she let out a big breath to calm her nerves and strutted out the curtain, the song she chose began playing in the background.

kelly wont kiss my friend kassandra

jessica wont play ball

y/n slowly strutted to the pole and grabbed it with one hand as she circled it making sure to sway her hips.

mandy wont share her friend, miranda

doesnt anybody live at all

amanda wont leave me empty handed

got her number from a bathroom stall

she squatted behind the pole before slowly getting up with her ass up first and slowly moving her body up. the cheers made her feel confident and her nervousness slowly went away.

brandy just got way too much baggage

and that shit just gets old (hey)

she rolled her hips in a circle while her hands wandered up her body then behind her neck to flip her hair to the side.

but i got a girl who can put on a show

the dollar decides how far you can go with her

she wraps those hands around that pole

her movements followed the lyrics as she wrapped her hands around the pole then crouched down while rolling her hips to every beat.

she licks those lips and off we go

she takes it off nice and slow cause thats porn star dancing (hey)

she slowly pick herself up with the pole and pushing her chest flush against it before she circled it and stopped right in front of it, giving the audience a full view of her ass. she turned around and started looking at the crowd while she circled her hips.

she dont play nice, she makes me beg

and she drops that dress around her legs

and im sitting right by the stage for this porn star dancing

as she looked over the crowd of men and the occasional woman, she spotted one familiar face and her heart almost stopped. it was her boss, dr. james wilson. at her strip club. with dr. house who was grinning as if he won the lottery. they were both cheering before dr. house muttered something in james’s ear before he turned wide eyed towards her on the pole.

she quickly circled the pole and stopped behind it keeping her head down slightly, her hands roaming her body and rolling her hips as she turned around, her ass on display as she crouched while rolling her hips. she felt mortified knowing her boss was more than likely watching her ass.

your body’s lighting up the room

now i want a naughty girl like you

theres nothing hotter than that

she turned around on her knees and flipped her hair to the side, her eyes catching james’s eyes. he mouthed “y/n ?!” she averted her eyes as she got up, ass first.

stacy’s gonna save herself for marriage but thats just not my style

shes got a pair thats nice to stare at

but i want girls gone wild (hey)

groping her boobs (😭) at that one lyric, she felt her body go hot, the thought finally registered that her boss/little crush was seeing her half naked body while she should be helping people. shame gnawed at her as she kept her head slightly down.

but i know a place where theres always a show

the dollar decides how far you can go with her

she wraps those hands around that pole

she picked herself up onto the pole and swung herself around it a few times. the cheers got even louder and people tossed some dollars on the stage.

she licks those lips and off we go

she takes it off nice and slow cause thats porn star dancing (hey)

she dont play nice, she makes me beg

she drops that dress around her legs

the pole and the swinging was making her muscles ache but she kept on going. her back flushed against the front of the pole, she picked herself up until her legs wrapped around the pole and her upper body was spinning around. she took her hands off the pole, waved and blew kisses at the crowd which caused them to cheer harder.

she could see james clapping with his mouth open and smiling while house was cheering louder than anybody there, she smiled at the sight.

and im sitting right by the stage for this porn star dancing (hey)

your body’s lighting up the room

i want a naughty girl like you

lets throw a party just for two

you know those normal girls wont do

as she slowly descended down the pole, she put her hands on the floor and unwrapped her legs from it so she can kick her legs away and landed upright like a half cartwheel.

the part of the song where no lyrics are on is her favorite because she can do some random dance on the pole and the crowd will go wild. she swings herself on the pole, holding it with her ankles before climbing and wrapping her inner leg/knee around the pole while her other leg is standing on the pole. still spinning, she straightens her leg so it is poking outwards.

then she bends both legs, one on the outside of the pole and one inside holding her and takes her hands off to let go of the pole so she can clasp them behind her while spinning so shes spinning sideways.

she can hear people cheering and whooping and some just plain yelling.

she wraps those hands around that pole

she licks those lips and off we go

and she takes it off nice and slow

cause thats porn star dancing (hey)

as the spinning slows down, she grabbed the pole and unwrapped her legs while positioning herself upright again. now that shes upright, she tries to gauge everyone’s reactions, some of the dancers not performing were clapping and yelling as were a lot of the men. some had their mouths slightly open and others were just cheering.

but only one had her interested, james had a full blush on his cheeks and he stood there in disbelief while house tapped his shoulder to telling him that shes looking at him. he waves and she let one hand let go to wave back.

she dont play nice, she makes me beg

she drops that dress around her legs

and im sitting right by the stage

for this porn star dancing (hey)

she hopped down from the pole and rolled her hips like she did when the song first started. she was completely out of breath while her body was covered in a light sheen of sweat. her muscles ached when she walked back towards the curtain but not before turning around and looking james straight in the eye and blew a kiss while the crowd started cheering and whooping.

she passed the curtains and let out a deep breath. her whole body ached and she knew she would be a little sore the next day but it was worth it. seeing everybody’s expressions, especially james’s expression made the whole thing worth it.

all the girls came up to her and hugged her while telling her how much they loved the dance and how beautiful she did. all the compliments made her blush as she changed into her regular clothes which just consisted of jeans and a black long sleeve.

y/n made her way out the dressing room and managed to avoid seeing her boss and house. she still felt shame and embarrassment that her own boss, the person who signs her paychecks, saw her half naked body sensually dancing on a pole. she’s had nightmares about that. she was already half way out the front door before a cane stopped her from walking.

she only closed her eyes and sighed, “what do you need, dr. house ?”

“woah how did you know that was me ?!” his childlike glee was a little annoying to y/n, any other day she wouldve indulged in his jokes but her entire body ached and she just wanted to sleep.

“hm i dont know, maybe the fact that i saw you earli-“

he interrupted, “while you were sexy dancing and getting all the guys turned on, i swear i saw all of them with tents in their pants !” he rolled his eyes and lets out a little grunt, “ugh men.”

she sarcastically smiled, “ugh men indeed, including the one that is wasting my precious time right now.”

“what, are you taking one of those greasy little guys home ? you know im sure you’ll have a lot more fun with me.” his smirk is enough to tell her that he’s joking and he reached out to touch her arm before the front door creaked open and another hand gripped his wrist.

“house.” wilson’s slightly irritated voice cuts in.

house let out a big gasp before whipping his head around to face her, “daddy caught us ! i wonder how he’s going to punish us.”

y/n didnt let her eyes travel to james, still embarrassed by what he saw. she chuckled at house’s words before she stood on her tippy toes and leaned close to house’s face, “hm i dont think i’ll have fun with you, i actually like it when a man is below me and you seem like the type that cant handle that.” she leaned back down and pushed his cane away from her, walking back to her car while hearing james’s laugh.

she waved her hand and said, “goodnight guys, hope to see you here another day !” she heard house say “i hope so too !” she shook her head and laughed.

“wait, y/n !” james shouted while jogging towards her.

oh god, this is where she gets fired or he suspends her. she braced herself for bad news and turned to face her boss.

james had a wide smile, “y/n, you were incredible !”

she blushed and looked at her feet which were starting to hurt from standing and dancing all day.

“thank you, dr. wilson.”

“james, call me james.”

“okay well thank you, james !” she said softly.

he still had a soft smile on his face, “why didnt you tell me you worked here ?”

“i thought it wasnt appropriate, imagine telling your boss that you work at a strip club. how embarrassing ! i mean, im embarrassed right now !” she laughed.

he laughed with her, “i guess that’s true but i wouldve preferred that over finding out from house and losing twenty bucks.”

“you lost twenty bucks to house ?”

“he said that you worked at a club and i didnt believe him so we bet on it. imagine my surprise when i see my prettiest employee dancing on stage.” he rolled his eyes as he glanced at y/n, noticing her biting her lip to contain a smile and her blushed cheeks.

“well i guess i owe you twenty bucks, huh ?” she teased. his eyes creased as he chuckled and rubbed a hand over his face.

“well i wouldnt object.”

“okay how about i get us both muffins in the morning ! my treat, obviously.” she mused while tapping a finger to her chin in thought.

he grinned at her as they stopped in front of her car, “i would love that.”

“i would love to continue this conversation but i need to sleep because my body is killing me.” she tiredly groaned. he lightly smiled and waited for her to get into her car before saying goodnight and walking back to the strip club.

“also !” she yelled from her car window.

he turned around.

“tell house that i meant what i said. him and his leg wont be able to handle me on top.” she winked and rolled up her window, finally making her way home.

his eyes twinkled as he laughed, “i will keep that in mind.” he muttered with a flushed face.

[xxblairexxss]

Saving your bacon

Pairing : Charles Leclerc x medicstudent!reader

Theme : Light on angst, more heavy of fluff

Word count : 3.4k

I feel like something’s missing but I’m not sure what it is and I don’t wanna keep this in my draft so I’m just gonna drop and dip. Oh, and I wanted to switch up and play around with reader’s personality instead of sticking to one so this time around, reader is more (idk how to explain) but more bright????? And I also don’t want to write her as someone struggling with her studies just because I think I have seen the same plot a few times around so let’s just say she enjoyed doing what she did. I know you asked for more angry Charles but for some reason I found him more of a people pleaser so it’s hard to write him getting angry at the crowd. 😭

Warnings, inaccurate medical term and procedure, as usual.

Requested!

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Charles was catching up to his favourite series, all sluggish and slothful on his day off when he heard your footsteps and humming got closer and closer to which he immediately took a cushion near him and laid down, pretending to sleep.

“Oh?” Your little skip stopped when you reached the living room. You were so, completely sure he was awake because you sworn you heard him laughed at one of the jokes on the television a few minutes ago. Stepping closer, you saw the way his lashes slightly fluttered as he bit the inside of his lip, holding his smile from exposing his little trick. “You are not sleeping!” You called out and chortled, quickly placing your medical files on the tea table before diving into his embrace, making him groaned from the sudden impact. “I caught you!”

“You got the wind knocked out of me, baby.” He moved a little so you could settle down by his side. “What do you need me to do today?”

“How do you know I was gonna ask for your help?” You cackled in his arm at the way he looked completely unfazed with your requests by now.

“Because this isn’t the first time. I just knew how your steps would sound like if you needed my help.”

“Yeah? How does it sound like?” You sat up and his hand snaked its way under your shirt instantly.

“Can’t explain it in words. Lay down or sit up?”

“Lay down! Wait,” You took back your medical files and scanned through your notes. “Oh, wait! No, no! Sit up and turn that way.”

“That way?”

“Yeah! And close your eyes! I’ll be right back.”

Charles had his eyes shut, sitting up straight facing the balcony of his apartment while trying to catch up with the dialogs coming from the tv series he was watching. “No way! I missed the important scene, did– ouch!” He jolted to the front when something cold was pressed on his neck, sending shiver up to her head. “Babe, what was that?!”

“Ice pack! Sit back down!” You pulled him back and placed the ice pack back on what you imagine the pain would be.

“It’s cold! Can’t we just pretend to use an ice pack instead of– cold! Babe, it’s cold! Instead of using actual ice pack?” You held him by his shirt to stop him from moving away while you repetitively went back to scan through your notes.

“Stay still! I’m trying to get these right! Oh, I need to move it in circular motion and never let it sit for more than 20 minutes on the same spot.” You leaned against his back and giggled. “I nearly gave you frostbite!”

“Are we done yet, babe?” He tilted his head to the side to catch your eyes, while still obeying every instructions.

“Wait, let me do one last check on the C1 and C2 first.”

Charles had always been your some sort of medical dummy ever since you started your medical school residency. You would always come to him whenever you needed to revise some of the notes that you had written as you went through different types of medical or surgical problems. Thought it looked more like you were trying to disturb your boyfriend’s peace, it actually helped you a lot. And though it looked like your boyfriend was trying to hide and ran away whenever you needed his help, he was actually excited to be apart of your dummy, claiming to be his some sort of contribution to your career.

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“Oh, this is sour! Babe, give it a try.” His face was all wrinkled up as he tried to feed you the fruit to which you refused. “Try it.”

“I don’t like sour berries!”

“It’s good though.” He popped another one into his mouth and shivered when the sourness hit, causing you to laugh.

“Your face doesn’t seem like it. I think I picked the wrong batch, baby. We need to let it ripe a little longer.” You sprinkled some salt into the the pot before letting it stir. Charles was too busy chumbling on the berries to realise that you had been staring at him with your arms folded.

“So,” You spoke and he stopped chewing.

“Why? Do I have something on my face?”

“No, but let’s say you come in with your nose bleeding.” You moved closer, half leaning your body against his side with your head tilted up so you could admire his pretty face.

“Ah, so we are doing this?” He pushed the berries away and propped both hand on the kitchen counter. “Okay, let’s pretend my nose is bleeding. What’s next?”

“And I asked you how did your nose bleed. What would you say?”

“Babe, I’m completely lost with whatever topic or disease you are proposing right now.” He hummed, eyes wandered away to think of an answer. “I would say “How I would know, doctor. That’s your job to find out.��”

“Charles!” You bursted out laughing and he chuckled along, casually left a soft pinch on your cheek.

“I don’t know, pretty. What should I say?”

“Let’s say you got into a mild accident a few hours ago but you refused to go to the hospital because you thought you were fine but then!” You dramatically gasped and Charles’s eyes widen in amusement. “Then you started feeling blockage in breathing. This is one of the symptoms for?”

His lips curved downwards as he shrugged. “I don’t know. Flu?”

“Wrong!”

“Dang it, that was my best shot. What is it then?”

You giggled and stood on your toes to kiss on his cheek. Charles would always try to answer your questions though he never got any of it right but you just found it adorable how he never gave up because he said he would get it right one day. “Septal hematoma! I need to drain it before it collapses your nasal bridge.”

“Really?! Wow, never knew that. How do you drain it?”

“You are gonna fall asleep before I even start explaining the first procedure. Oh, are we still going to the event tonight?”

“What event?” He raised his brow and his mouth went wide when he realised about it. He was talking about an event a few weeks ago and you decided to tag along. You were rarely seen attended any of his weekend events. Even more after you started your practical and though he never said anything about it, you still felt guilty about it, especially when you saw his pictures at any events that you didn’t attend, all alone while most of his friends would have their partners by their side.

He was a little dubious when you told him you wanted to attend his next event. He didn’t want to make it seems as if he was forcing you to do something that you didn’t want to because he knew both of you have different schedules and accountability as a student and an athlete, or public figure. You had to reassure him that it was something you wanted to do, not because you felt like he was forcing you in some sort of way. A fresh breath of air was the reason that you came up with, professing that you needed to get away from your cases this weekend.

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“Are you sure you want to go?”

“I’m all dressed up!” You clipped on your left earrings and gave a little twirl. You had chosen a satin dress with crisscross backless as it would be the perfect dress considering the event was more leaning towards an informal night out vibe. “Why?You don’t… want me to go?”

“No, that’s not what I meant, babe.” He held your hand, wrapping both of his and your arms on your waist as he turned you around, making you faced the mirror. “You are literally the most beautiful doctor I have ever seen.” He stared at your reflection admiringly, giving a soft smile when he locked his eyes with yours in the mirror and pecked on your neck.

“Nice try, handsome but I’m not a qualified one yet.”

“But you will be.”

“Not if I fail my residency.” You spun your body to face him, hands on his shoulders as you found yourself getting butterflies from seeing his face up close, even after all these years.

“Did you forget how many times you made me suffer with all those on hand practices? It’s impossible for you to fail.” He stole a kiss on your newly applied gloss and left the room before you could scream at him.

“Stop kissing me when I got my lip gloss on!”

“Can’t help myself. Come on, we gotta go.”

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“Is this normal?” You blinked as Charles made the final turn towards the entrance of the club. There were tons of people with cameras hung around their neck gathered in front of the building. They would congregate towards every cars regardless of who it was.

“No, not at all. It might have something to do with the other event that is happening at the casino, I think.” Charles saw you clasped your hands together on your lap and knew what you were feeling even when he didn’t see your face. “You okay, babe?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. Just a little surprised.”

“It’s okay. I’m not gonna leave you behind. Don’t let go of my hand okay?” He unbuckled his seatbelt and was going to unlock the door, when he stopped himself. “No, babe, hold on. Wait for me.” You retreated your hand from the shotgun door as he hopped off the car. Charles handed his car key to the valet staff who greeted him as he walked around to get to your side. You saw the flash went off, following your boyfriend all the way to your side. Though the front windscreen window was half tinted, you could still see how bright it was.

“Ready?” Charles leaned in, one hand gripped on the door seal and other arm at the end of his car roof to make sure you felt safe and had the people blocked before your could step out.

“Ready!”

He offered a hand, while keeping his other on still gripping of the weatherstrip so the door wouldn’t be opened too wide. “Don’t let go of my hand, okay?” He brushed his lips on your cheek before moving away so you could step out.

The first few interactions with the fans were fine. He was handed notebooks, caps, and shirts to be signed. Even a few selfies here and there. You were gripping on his jacket, a little uneasy when you heard a few men with cameras started shouting and scream. At first it sounded far, as if it came from the casino so it shouldn’t be a problem to you. Soon enough, the shouting went louder as if it was brought closer to you by a wave and the fans who were asking for Charles’s autographs and pictures began yelling out to stop the shove and push. Charles heard the commotion and intertwined his hand with yours before making his way to the building before it got any worse.

The flashes suddenly went off to your direction and you could barely see where you should placed your heels, your free hand immediately tried to shield your face. Even some of the fans from earlier started to get shoved around, some even used it as an opportunity to take closer pictures of both you and Charles.

“Charles..” You breathed out, feeling yourself getting pushed. You could feel the crowd getting closer as you tried go get out of the way. He didn’t reply but you could feel his grip on your hand getting more firm as he tried to step away from the crowd.

“Don’t push!”

“Give them space!”

You kept on hearing the words being shouted over and over amongst the crowd but you still felt all closed up with them getting closer and closer regardless of the orders. You let out a gasp when you lost your balance as the crowd started pushing one another, causing a few of them to accidentally inclined towards you.

He stopped and turned back, looking all worried. “You okay? Baby, here. Hold my arm.” You regained your composure and held, more like clinging on his arm while your other hand still fully secured in his. It felt like forever for you to pass your way through the throng, even with the help of the person in charged because none of them even bother to listen and kept on pushing one another towards you.

“Stop it!”

You heard another howl from one of the crowd when you stumbled back as few people were pushed in front of you, the impact caused your hand to slip away from Charles when you tried to move away from the pack of people, your arms were pressed on your chest while you swayed back and forth from constantly being pushed from every sides.

“Y/N– excuse me!” Charles tried to get back to you but he got pushed back by the crowd even more.

“I can’t– !” He heard you called out to him before your voice was swamped with voices amongst the number of people.

You tried to wrap your arms around your body, feeling as if you taking up the space was the reason why you felt suffocating and squeezed up but a sudden shove caused you to jerk forward. You tried stop your fall with your hand but the impact sent a jolt of pain on your wrist. The pain made you wince as you tried to retract your hand but it was stepped on over and over by the number of feet around you.

“Charles, here.”

He was pulled out from the crowd and was being assisted, more like dragged towards the entrance of the building before he stepped back. “I need to get back to my girlfriend.”

“Leave it to us.”

“No.” He sprinted back out and tried to scan amongst the crowd. It got a little under control now that they had enforced more people in charge though the pushing and shoving was still going on.

“Please let me pass..” It took you a while to get back on your feet and tried to squeeze your way out when a camera was thumped on your face, causing your head to tilt. You couldn’t see anything else other than constant flash and light. You started choking back tears and dabbed on your philtrum when it felt like something warm trickled down your nose.

You tried to move away, hand kept on wiping your philtrum as the blood was still leaking down your nose when you felt a firm grip on your arm, yanking you away and out from the crowd. Charles had saw you in the midst and just grabbed on whatever he could get. The grip was harder that he had wished for but he needed to get you somewhere safe, regardless whatever force he had to use.

Your face was forcefully crashed against something hard but you were too beat to repudiate that you continued to cry against the embrace. It was when the familiar scent hit you when you finally realised it was your boyfriend.

“It’s okay, baby. I got you. I’m so, so, sorry.”

You refused to pull away, your whole body was aching but the stroke on your hair and the strong grip on your back made you feel safe, away from the furore. “I was– “ You sobbed. “I was so scared.”

He could feel you trembling in his hold, your head tried to look back to make sure you were really away from the people. “Y/N– Y/N, look at me. Baby, look at me. You’re okay. I got you. You’re okay.”

He leaned away but you could still feel his body latching against yours. “Fuck, you’re bleeding.” Holding your face in his hands, he started scanning through your pretty face. That was when he actually saw the bruise on your temple, your bloody nose and your flushed cheeks. When he caught you by your arm earlier, he was a little at eased as it felt like you weren’t harm but you were far from it. You kept on sobbing, your hand wiped on your tears that was threaten to fall from your chin. “Let’s go home, alright? I’m taking you home.”

Charles wrapped his arm on your waist as you leaned against him while he tried to get you to his just newly parked car.

“Y/N, a picture!” One of the paparazzi snatched on your sprained arm, causing you to shriek in pain.

“Hands off my girl.” He pushed the guy away, feeling so close to land a punch on that face but he had to hold himself from causing any scene that he knew would feed these people even more. Instead of placing his hand back to your waist, he lifted you up in his arms as you placed one arm across his neck, the sprained arm to your chest. He didn’t know you had any other injury because your hand was out of his sight the whole time.

﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎

“Is your nose still bleeding?”

“I think so…” You dabbed the tissue that Charles had given to you when he got in the car and still found a fresh, wet blood stained.

“Keep on pinching your nose, alright?”

“Where did you learn how to treat nosebleed?” You tilted your head to the side and stared at your boyfriend in surprise.

“From my doctor girlfriend.” He gave your hair a stroke and pressed on the pedal as the light turned green.

﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎

“Baby, stay there. I’m gonna get the first aid kit.” He left you and rummaged through the kitchen drawers. “Let’s treat your wrist first.”

You winced and pulled your arm away when he wanted to place it on his lap. “It hurts..” You didn’t think it was that bad but it still hurt. The tears started to fill your eyes again but you looked away so it wouldn’t roll down onto your already wet cheeks.

“Oh, was it too harsh? Sorry, baby.” He scooted closer and tried to place your hand on his lap more gentle this time. “Here. I’m gonna use– yeah, I’m gonna use the one with velcro.”

“Do you know how to do it?”

“Yeah, I have seen you did it to me before.”

﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎

flash

Charles groaned a little when he heard you placed all sort of stuffs in front of him. “Babe, can I borrow your hand?” He heard you whispered as you sat cross legged on the floor.

“Right now, baby? Let me sleep 5 more minutes.”

“You can just keep on laying down.” You replied as you pull his hand from under his head. He was laying on his stomach on the couch before you disturbed his peace with the first add kid and your notes with you. “I just need your hand.” He is still in the same position, just his arm dangling from the end of the couch.

“Like this,” He heard you kept on murmuring, as if you were chanting something whilst he was trying to get back to sleep. “and this,” He peered at you first with a frown and soon after a smile formed on his lips. “around the thumb,” You were completely focused on wrapping his hand with the compression bandage, completely unaware and thinking he was still sound asleep. He would always find the little wrinkles in between your brows whenever you were too focused on some things made you look so adorable so instead of dozing back, he was gazing at you with fondness.

﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎

“I thought you were asleep when I wrapped your hand!”

“I wasn’t. Your little mumble kept me awake.” He rolled the elastic compression bandage around your wrist one last time before securing it with the velcro. “There you go. Did I do I right?”

“Yeah!” You held your now fully wrapped wrist. “I think you did it better than me.”

Charles had left you again to get an ice pack and you leaned against the back pillows. You were expecting neon lights and loud music before you left the house, not coming back with bleeding nose, bruise, and a sprained wrist.

“You okay, baby?”

“Yeah, just a little overwhelm. Can we cuddle?” He then took a spot next to you, ice pack still in hand as as you leaned your head on his shoulder. His hand is on your back while you propped your legs on his laps.

“How did you get those bruise on your head?”

“One of the man accidentally hit me on the face but I don’t think it was on purpose.” You were playing with his necklace when dabbed the ice pack on your temple, causing you to move away. “It’s cold!”

“Oh, so now it’s cold? Was it warm when you dabbed it on my neck for no reason a few days ago?” He pulled you closer to dab the ice pack back on your bruise. “Baby, stay still!”

“I’m getting brain freeze! Stop it!” You giggled and pushed him away.

“You are overreacting! It’s not even 20 minutes yet.”

✧.* general tag list! @i83andrew @cltrlne @karmabyfernando @ohthemisssery @ru-kru @tastebaldwin @f1obessed @love4lando @shinrjj

if your usernames were crossed meaning I can’t tag you 😭 let me know if you would like to be removed or added to the taglist! or if I missed anyone!

[daycourtofficial]

Personal update below

Tw: pregnancy loss, miscarriage, blood

Here it is, the words I’ve been unable to type, much less say out loud. Late in the night a few nights ago, I woke up to some abdominal cramping and went to the bathroom. I had been bleeding vaginally all day, but not enough to be super concerned.

I woke up and went to the bathroom, and knew something was wrong. To spare the details, I was bleeding a lot, cramping severely, and I knew my baby was gone. I felt empty inside, despite only being about 7 or 8 weeks pregnant. Intuition, I suppose. I just felt so lonely, as if I wasn’t supposed to be the only occupant in my body.

My husband took me to the hospital and after hours of invasive poking, prodding, and testing, a nurse practitioner I will likely never see again, who will likely never think of me again, told me that my baby was gone. He was straight forward, which I like in medical personnel. He told me my pregnancy was unviable and that it’s common. That we shouldn’t worry. These things happen. It’s normal, common. The three or so minutes felt like an eternity, waiting for him to leave so I could fall apart in the privacy of my husband’s arms, despite the lack of privacy an emergency department offers.

The hospital was so sterile, the bright lights and lack of windows made it impossible for you to track the passage of time. The winding hallways a maze of monotony, making it impossible to know how to return to your room without a guide. The walls were devoid of any real color, save for tv screens and workplace posters. And yet, the room I was placed in was the only room with decorative curtains. All the other curtains were just a shade of navy.

Mine had flowers on it, as if the world or God or the hospital wanted to offer me some reprieve, some reminder that for the hospital, this was routine, but that it wasn’t routine for me. That I deserved something for my eyes to find comfort in.

So here it is, the new reality I find myself in. My baby is gone. The rare statement that, once it becomes true, will never change.

I’m reeling a bit from this loss, as you can imagine. I’m gutted. I got married right at the beginning of the year, falling pregnant not long after. I joked with my husband that I started the year off becoming a wife and was ending the year becoming a mom. I suppose it really was just a joke in the end, but I’m not sure if the punchline was me or my continued optimism, in spite all that I’ve endured.

Anyway, everyone was extraordinarily kind to me when I had posted that I was pregnant. I know that technically I don’t owe anyone details of my personal life, especially not this personal, but I wanted to share it because I don’t want to be sad and alone. And perhaps this will find its way to someone else who has felt some loss recently, whether it be the loss of someone or something, or a loss of self or identity, or a loss of the future you had planned out. Maybe they will feel some connection to this. Or maybe one day someone will think of this as they reel with their own loss.

I don’t regret sharing the news so early, despite the circumstances that have now led me to making this post. Any joy we can find is worth sharing, even if it’s fleeting, especially if it’s fleeting, and even if it’s for some stranger on the internet.

Anyway, I have my dogs and my husband, who are very loving. I’m not sure when I’ll post this, I’ll likely stick it in my queue somewhere so it feels less like I’m hitting the ‘post’ button and more like softly whispering all of this in the wind.

I will be okay, I always am. Grief is a black hole I am trying navigate and figure out where it ends and I begin, trying to remember what my new life will be like and how to grieve yet another version of myself lost to time and trauma and sadness.

There is no narrative device here, nothing I did could’ve changed the outcome. Sometimes the world is just needlessly cruel.

This doesn’t really affect anything on here or what I choose to interact with. I’m still okay discussing/reading/writing about babies and kids and everything in that realm. I just didn’t want anyone asking after the baby and making someone feel bad for wanting to know how I was doing.

Anyway, I don’t want to end this on a despairing note, even though that is the tune of my life at the moment. I want to remember that my now is not my forever, and I hope anyone reading this that is experiencing any manner of suffering takes as much out of that sentiment as I do.

Yours,

V ❤️

[lady-harrowhark]

If anyone remembers/still cares about my bizarro jaw bone spur debacle from this summer, I have an update for you! I'm fine now, this is all past tense, but probably don't read this if you don't want to hear about dental/bone stuff.

So to recap, earlier this summer I felt some irritation in my mouth and when I checked it out in the mirror, there was a tiny little off-white shard of something sticking out of my gums on the inside of my lower molars. I figured it was a little piece of food that poked me, but when I touched it, it 1) was hard and sharp, 2) would not move, and 3) hurt so bad that it about knocked the wind out of me. Even in the moment I knew this sounded dramatic and highly improbable, but I was immediately Very Sure that it was a little shard of bone.

By the next morning it was so swollen that I couldn't see if it was still there, and after four or five days I ended up calling around and found a dentist who could get me in to take a look because my usual dentist at the student health center didn't have any immediate openings. By that point I was taking Tylenol + ibuprofen around the clock as well as using Orajel numbing gel and icing it, but nothing was touching the pain. Also, the side of my face and down into my neck was starting to swell, and sleeping and eating was extremely difficult due to the pain.

The dentist I ended up seeing was very friendly and pleasant but ultimately pretty dismissive. Nothing showed up on an X-ray but he could see a spot of "hyper-irritation" where I'd had the little shard, and he said it was possible that a "bone spur" worked its way out through my gums. Usually that only happens after oral surgery or an injury, but I'd also had a dental cleaning a few weeks prior that was weirdly aggressive and left that part of my gums bleeding and sore for several days, so it was possible that was enough to dislodge something left over from when I had my wisdom teeth removed years and years ago. Or maybe it was just a little cut. He then told me to alternate the Tylenol and ibuprofen instead of taking them simultaneously and to call back in two weeks if it wasn't better or if it started getting hard to eat or sleep. I reiterated that it already was hard to eat and sleep, and asked if I was understanding him correctly that he wanted me to take LESS pain medication. He paused, and then said to call back in one week if it wasn't better.

So obviously I went out to my car and cried. I have a very skewed pain tolerance from a lifetime of chronic illness experiences and I'm a very smiley and friendly person in general, so I do acknowledge that I don't usually LOOK like I'm in pain, especially to someone who's only just met me. But for me, the fact that I even made an appointment for it is a giveaway that this is like, off the charts levels of pain. I called my dad since he's a doctor and he was able to prescribe some antibiotics for me just in case, and walked me through how to adjust the ibuprofen dose to be the equivalent of prescription strength. I'd decided that if it wasn't any better by the next day, I was going to urgent care. Thankfully it was a smidge better, and over the next maybe two or three weeks it mostly went away, although for while I could still feel sort of a divot on my gum where the bone spur had been.

ANYWAY yesterday I had my regular dentist's visit, the first time I'd been in since then. I told the hygienist about it, and she seemed kind of alarmed, especially because she could also still feel the little spot on my gum. The dentist ALSO seemed pretty shocked and could feel where it was as well.

So here's the update: I apparently have a little bit of extra bone built up around my back lower molars, which is unusual but not unheard of, and mine is very very mild in comparison to what you see when you Google "mandibular tori" - mine is really just that it's slightly rounded or mildly bowed right below my molars rather than going straight down to the bottom of my mouth as is typical, minor enough that no dentists have ever mentioned it to me. I never even realized that wasn't what everyone's were like until this spring when a massage therapist I saw for TMJ stuff mentioned that she noticed it. So in general that's not any sort of issue for me, EXCEPT that the dentist yesterday said that the gum tissue can be pretty thin where it has to stretch over the extra bone, which can also be kind of pointy or sharp.

Given that plus the fact that I hadn't had any sort of recent injury or surgery in the area like you would expect for a bone spur, she said it was more likely that I somehow scraped or cut the gum right down to the bone.

It wasn't a bone spur. That was my literal, actual jaw bone showing through my gums.

[bonny-kookoo]

Jungkook

𝓣𝓪𝓴𝓮 𝓒𝓪𝓻𝓮 : Short #2

Jungkook deals with the downsides of being a young doctor all the time. One of them being, that sometimes he can't do anything.

Tags/Warnings: Hospital/Medical AU, Doctor!Jungkook, slightly aged up!Jungkook, dog hybrid!Reader, hints at domestic abuse, MC's age is not mentioned but it is mentioned that she is above 21, first meeting between jk and reader lets goo

Length: ~700 Words

⛔️ I can't Tag people. There is no Taglist for this fic.⛔️

A/N: Please do not come for my throat if some stuff doesn't make sense. I've tried hard, but I'm not a doctor, and so none of this should be taken too seriously. Treat it like a medical drama. Those ain't real either haha

->Masterlist

⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅

Jungkook has, like many others, bad habits.

One of them is that he can't seem to shut off well- he can't seem to just exist in the moment sometimes, without thinking about work or anything work related. Even right now, at the mall, he's still constantly thinking about the little hybrid infant back in the ICU, better, but still fighting. Did he check everything properly before having him transferred? Did he overlook something?

Jungkook knows not to take his work back home. But sometimes, it's hard.

There's a bit of a small crowd near the store he wants to go. People trying to look at what's happening, others further front talking to each other with concerned eyes. And then he hears it;

"Maybe we should find a doctor?" Someone asks, and Jungkook sighs, lifting his hand.

"I'm one." He calls out, having had this moment once before in a flight into his vacation a year ago. "What's wrong?" He asks, squeezing through he people to get a look at the scene.

There's a hybrid sitting down, an older lady holding onto her.

"She- I don't know, fell I think, but she won't get up now." The lady says, unsure.

"..can't." You quietly try and argue, and Jungkook can feel the tension between you and this woman he assumes is your owner. So he squats down close to you, making all effort not to seem to intimidating even in his dark clothes and rather casual attire.

"Lets get out of the way first." He says, leaning down to you. "Is it okay if I carry you?" He asks, and you nod, shrugging. He collects you into his arms to bring you to a more closed off hallway leading to bathrooms and other things, where he sits you down on a bench. "Can you tell me what happened?" He asks you, and you stare at the woman for a moment, before you look at him. You seem scared- and he worries he might have an idea why.

It's a anger-inducingly common after all.

"..I caught my tail in the.. door." You say, motioning to the automatic glass doors of the store. "And now.. my legs are weird." You worry, and Jungkook nods.

"Lets check, okay?" He kindly tells you, carefully stretches out one leg, moving everything a little to judge your reaction. "Are they numb, or just tingly?" He wonders, and you watch him.

"Tingly. They went.. all gooey for a bit though." You say.

"Thats normal." He nods. "The sensation will come back really soon, don't worry- it's just a temporary nerve blockage from the way you caught your tail. Can you try and move your feet for me?" He asks, and you do so. "There we go. It'll stay a bit sore for a few more moments maybe, but its nothing to be scared of." Jungkook reassures, looking at the lady next to you. "Hybrid tails are connected to the spine- like an extension, so to say. So when she caught it, she basically blocked all nerve signals for a moment." He explains, before he looks at you. "Can I have a look at your tail? It's fine if you don't want to." He makes sure to emphasize your choice, and you nod-

mainly because he leaves you a choice at all.

You turn around and he gently moves his fingers around, apologizing under his breath when you hitch a bit from pain. "How old are you?" He wonders in thought, and the lady cuts him off.

"Old enough to be on her own if she wasn't so incapable of taking care of herself." The woman complains, running a hand through her hair. And while it doesn't tell him your exact age, it does tell him that you're at least above 21- the minimum age for a hybrid to be considered 'independent' if they're between the categories of one to four, which you seem to be placed in. If he had to make a guess, he'd probably say a three, maybe.

For now, he ignores her snarky responses however. It's not his problem, and he shouldn't get involved in things that do not involve him, down the line. "Did you break it in the past?" He wonders, feeling something that hints at past poorly healed fractures, but the lady cuts in yet again.

"She's clumsy." She snaps. "Can we go now? We have some urgent things to take care of and we're already late." She tries to sound friendly- but she's really not.

But all Jungkook can do is nod. "Just.. have it looked at if the complaints don't clear up entirely by tonight." He says, and the lady nods- though she's already occupied searching for something in her bag. It makes him pretty convinced that no matter if your complaints resolve themselves or not, she won't do anything about it.

And so he watches you leave on slightly unsteady legs, dragged a bit by the hand around your wrist, and he can't help but feel a little hollow inside, especially when you turn around to wave at him politely, way too nice to be treated like this. He's sure, if you met under different circumstances, you'd be a very lovely person to be around.

But right now, all he's left with at the end of the day, is the fact that he can't save everyone.

[the-guilty-writer]

Cane and Shame

Request from anon: Hi love, could you possibly do a hotch x reader where they come to work with a walking stick/cane for the first time. Like they’ve known that they needed to use it but have been embarrassed to use it?

Aaron Hotchner x platonic!reader

Summary: You've been putting off using your cane at work for a while. When you finally cave, your boss makes sure you feel supported.

A/N: This was truly a joy to write and it reminded me why I put limited requests up in the first place- because I love to write, but this is the stuff I really really love to write. Garcia is featured in this as well. Hotch is the most supportive boss/friend. I love it. Thank you so much for this request.

CW: reader experiences pain, takes pain medication, uses a cane, experiences internalized ableism surrounding using mobility aids

---

You knew it was going to be bad when you woke up two hours earlier than normal feeling like your body was on fire. For a few months now, your pain had been slowly getting worse- going from an underlying and annoying constant ache to a sensation so intense you could hardly move some days. Even your emergency pain medication could only help so much. If you didn’t have to work, you probably would have taken a higher dose, but even the low dose made you feel rather spacey; anything more and you wouldn’t have been able to get things done that day. It was an awful irony that the drugs which were supposed to take the pain away so you could function sedated you to the point that you’d spend most of the day fighting to stay awake and out of bed.

Part of you wanted to call out of work, but you’d only been working at the BAU for a year and in the past six months you’d already taken three sick days due to flares worse than the one you were currently experiencing. If you could manage to get through most of the day and leave a little early then it wasn’t worth calling in sick.

You got out of bed thirty minutes before your alarm went off, knowing well that your morning routine would take you longer than you intended. Walking to the bathroom was painful- manageable, but painful. You piled some over the counter meds over your prescription, praying it would kick in before you had to leave for work, but the more you got ready- showering, getting dressed, eating breakfast, and packing lunch- the more you realized that your body just wasn’t going to cooperate with you that day.

As you got ready to leave your apartment you spotted your cane by the door and let out a heavy sigh. You knew it would help, but you really didn’t want to use it. Outside of work, you never left home without it, but at work you were an FBI agent. You’d been a part of shoot-outs and take-downs and car chases, so surely you should be able to walk without assistance. The closer you got to the door, however, the more you felt the pain as you walked and the clearer it became that you didn’t have a choice in the matter. Reluctantly, you took your cane from its place and tried to hold back tears as you got out the door.

---

You arrived at work a bit later than normal, having opted to take the metro so you wouldn’t have to drive. No one questioned you as you walked through the main lobby and got on the elevator, but the dread was building inside you; dread that would turn into shame as soon as you saw the look on the team’s faces.

The team knew you experienced chronic pain- they had to for safety reasons and protocol- but you never let it show. You always acted like you felt fine even when all you wanted to do was curl up into a ball and sob. The only one on the team who really knew about your struggles was Garcia. Months ago, after a very physically demanding case, you went home in so much agony that you had reluctantly called her and asked her to drive you to the ER, which led to you having to explain everything. At your request, she promised not to tell the rest of the team. Since then, on days that you needed to take a few deep breaths to keep yourself from crying out or simply knew your face was going to distort with every minor move you made, you would bring your work to her lair instead of sitting in the bullpen.

But today you couldn’t even bring yourself to go get your files from your desk knowing everyone was in there. Instead, you went straight to Garcia’s office, keeping your head down and hoping that no one you knew would see you. Garcia had an open door policy, but you always knocked before going in. You raised your hand, knuckles about to tap the wood, when the door swung open.

Hotch stood on the other side of the door, holding a stack of papers. You jumped when you startled, causing pain to shoot through your body, but Hotch didn’t even blink.

“(Y/L/N),” he said. “Are you alright?”

“Fine, sir,” you responded quietly. 

He scanned you, taking in every inch of your appearance, from your hair which was up because you were too fatigued to wash it, to the uneasy look on your face, to the cane that you were leaning on a little too heavily at the moment as you recovered from moving a bit too fast. You hung your head slightly, but Hotch just nodded once and left to go back to the bullpen.

You pushed into Garcia’s lair, holding back your tears. You weren’t sure if the need to cry was coming from the humiliation of your boss seeing you at your worst or the torturous discomfort that plauged you limbs from standing too long.

“Good morn- Oh, (Y/N),” Garcia said sweetly as you sat down on one of her extra chairs. “What happened?”

You knew she wasn’t asking about the cane- Garcia was well aware of your use of mobility aids outside of work- she was worried about the look on your face.

“I ran into Hotch,” you sighed and hid your cane underneath Garcia’s desk.

“Do- do you want me to go get your files for you? There’s no case today,” she said.

You nodded, closing your eyes and leaning back, willing the emotional and physical hurt to stop.

“I'll be right back,” she said. She ran off to get your files. There was no hiding from your boss now, but maybe you could hide from the rest of the team for just a little longer.

---

With your cane hidden out of view, everyone who came into Garcia’s lair just assumed you were keeping her company for the day. The few times you did have to leave her lair, you did so without assistance. It hurt, but it didn’t hurt as much as the judgment and questions you would face. When lunch rolled around, Garcia left to go out with Morgan, Reid, Prentiss, JJ, and Rossi, leaving you alone in the den of technology by yourself.

Sometime while they were gone, you received a text message from Hotch: Meet me in my office if you can. If not, I can come to you.

Though it probably would have helped for Hotch to come to you, you didn’t want to seem incapable of walking less than 100 yards. You grabbed your cane from its hiding place- Hotch had already seen it and none of the rest of the team was around- and made your way to the bullpen, painfully walking up the small set of stairs to your boss’s office. You knocked on the open door and he looked up from his work.

“(Y/N),” he addressed you by your first name- a rarity, “take a seat.” Hotch gestured to the chair that always sat across from his desk and began to put his paperwork aside. You sat in the chair, keeping your eyes down. You didn’t want to see what kind of pity look he was giving you.

“Are you alright?” he asked. It was the same question from earlier, but it sounded different this time- more gentle, like he was talking to you as a friend instead of a Unit Chief.

“I will be.” You gathered the courage to look at him, but to your surprise he wasn’t looking at you with pity. He was looking at you with concern. “I- um-” You couldn’t get the words out.

“Take your time,” Hotch said.

You took a deep breath, gathering yourself. “I always told myself I wouldn’t bring my cane to work.”

Your boss furrowed his brow. “Why not?” He seemed genuinely confused.

You shrugged. “It’s kind of embarrassing,” you admitted. “People stare and judge.”

“(Y/N), how long have you been putting this off?” he asked.

If you weren’t so worried about looking weak, you probably would have started to cry. “Six months, but I’ve only really… needed it the past two... or three.”

“If it helps, you should use it,” Hotch said, his tone more light and reassuring. “There’s no shame in utilizing mobility aids if they make you physically more comfortable. You’re a valuable part of this team. No one is going to judge you for taking care of your health and we can’t afford for you to be damaging yourself. We need you at your best. If your best means you use your cane, then use it.”

In an effort to lighten the tone just a bit, your mouth twitched up at the corner as you said, “Is that an order?”

Hotch’s rare smile graced his face. “Not yet, but if I see you struggling I’ll make it one.”

Voices came from outside of the office. You looked to the glass doors to see the rest of the team coming back from break. Morgan and Garcia were laughing, JJ and Emily were smiling at something on a phone, and Reid and Rossi were talking enthusiastically together- probably about cars. 

They were your team- your friends- and they would never judge you.

“But,” Hotch started as he rose from his seat. “Going to the conference room with the rest of the team so we can do a consultation on a case is an order.” He left the room, going to gather the rest of the team.

You paused for a second before rising from your seat as well, gripping your cane to help you stand. You left Hotch's office and walked to the conference room with your head up, knowing now, that you had nothing to be ashamed of.

[thisfanisgonesorry]

hi if you're still taking requests, I can't get the idea of arthur somehow being in the epilogue, alive and thriving, working on the ranch with john and his family and just being happy

IM IN LOVE WITH YOU!! omg thanks for the req <3 i hope u enjoy it cutiepie, sorry it took me a lil bit

ending cowrote by @megbimbo loml

tags: yall are in the epilogue, making this an xreader since im basically useless if i dont but its light so dw, canon deviation obviously, high honor arthur. very angsty because my little gremlin brain could not just make him healthy but HE IS HAPPY!! MY BOY IS A HAPPY CAMPER!!; i usually write 1st person but i got possessed so heres a 2nd person fic (never doing this again, sorry if its shit), genderneutral but implied fem reader. milking the cows was the most pleasurable part of the epilogue after the absolute shitshow i had to endure that was chapter 6. arthur milks the cows for that exact reason. some medical terms i know that probably werent viable to use back in the day but idc. some cowboy stuff i learnt as a wee lass when i had a horsey. so many tags ill shut up now. (i got sad at the end of the fic because i realised you cant kiss him. that made me sad.) also water pump distance ref because its.. not as close as i thought it was.

♡

You and Abigail tended the house while Arthur and John were outside, doing god knows what, their manly chores. Jack and Uncle had a day trip to Blackwater, running errands and such, getting groceries, the works. Jack needed to get out of the house and Uncle needed to get out of doing work.

“I’ve got this.” Abigail spoke, taking the plate from your hands. A brisk nod and you wandered off outside to check on the boys, mostly worried for Arthurs wellbeing, as you tended to be. As the years dragged on, the remaining gang had been accustomed to not treat Arthur like he was fragile, which often than not, resulted in him being injured or overworked in some capacity or another.

You knew well enough that John would take care of Arthur and not work him to exhaustion, especially in this blazing heat, but nursing him back to health after things went south all that time ago wasn’t an easy job, and when they were building the house, he had a pretty bad flare up. 

There was a slight sound of wheezing coming from the distance, your ears perked slightly, rushing down the main steps and looking around. You could vaguely see them over by the water pump in the distance.

Arthur was sitting on the ground, John hovering over him, rubbing his back slowly as Arthur coughed and spluttered. You rushed over to them, evidently worried.

“What happened?”

John looked over to you, softly speaking. “He pushed himself too hard.”

“Yeah.” He spluttered. “I’ll be fine.”

You kneeled beside Arthur, rubbing his back as John pulled away to fill the bucket with water to continue their water run, also so Arthur could take a handful and drink some, hopefully hydrating his throat enough to stop him from tearing his oesophagus. 

Water Runs; They were dreaded, the water buckets would get heavy, and in heat like this, you’d need to do the runs multiple times a day to keep the animals hydrated. It got worse if the water troughs were under direct sunlight, the amount depended on the day, the weather and the animals, but the horses needed the extra water this summer, as did the sheep and the cows. All around, it was an awful chore.

Arthur, being the horse lover he is, would be quite adamant in keeping the horses up during the heat, making sure they’re okay. Though, because of the humid air, it was causing his illness to worsen. He slurped up a handful of water, and his coughing let up slightly.

“You need to rest.” You spoke firmly, as John picked up the bucket and walked it over to the remaining troughs, walking over into the sheep pen so he could keep a keen eye on Arthur momentarily. 

“I know, I know.” He groaned. “John and I have a lot of things to do.”

“This is John’s ranch, not yours. Sit down for a bit.”

“But the horses—”

“But nothing. You can care for them later this evening.”

Your voice hung in the air sternly and he pouted like a child, he needed to sit down and rest, to be removed from the hot and muggy air. Once the blazing sun begins to set and the air begins to cool, he would be allowed to go back to his duties. 

John waddled back over with the bucket, filling it up but lingering before he delivered it to the other animals. “Don’t worry, Arthur. I can do this on my own.”

“I want to help.” He spoke sternly, trying to stand up but weakly clutching his chest as he required the aid of you and John to get to his feet.

“How many other chores have you got today?”

John took the conversation away from Arthur, now more than just on board with the concept of letting him sit down and rest for a while. “Just the water, feeding, and milking the cows.”

“I can milk the cows.” Arthur objected.

You sighed, looking over at him, knowing he would rather keel over than be useless. He was a helper; for as long as he’s been known by any of the people on this ranch, he’s always been willing to help people. His need to work died down drastically since he’d been adopted to live on the ranch, but that didn’t mean the lack of drive didn’t eat away at him.

John raised his hands in a defeated shrug. “Let him milk the cows.”

“Fine, but I’m keeping a close eye on him.”

“That’s probably for the best.” John shrugged, with his shoulders this time, grunting as he picked up the bucket, continuing the water run. 

Arthur had a horrendous side eye on him, though he restrained the urge to say something snarky, “I can do this on my own.” He spoke instead, as he began to stride his way to the barn. 

“I know.” You responded, following behind him. 

He seemed upset at the sudden switch of attitude, even after all this time, he wasn’t used to people treating him like he was sick. For the most part, people didn’t, but, for equal parts, he didn’t often tell people that he was sick, instead playing to be super cautious whenever around anyone new.

He took a seat on the stool beside the cow and you stood behind him, leaning against the pillar.

“I’m fine.” He reassured as he slowly milked the cow, the metal panging sound of the bucket being hit with liquid filled the barns silence.

“I know.” You repeated quietly, not really paying attention to the words leaving your mouth. “Jus’ making sure you’re okay, we’re bein’ careful, ‘s all.”

“I don’t need it.”

“I know you want to act like you’re okay, but you’re not. You’ve had a few close calls. We’re just trying to keep you...” You trailed off, not wanting to say the blunt words that weighed heavy. We’re trying to keep you alive.

He stayed silent as John slowly opened the barn doors, entering almost silently and taking the milk pail as it filled to the top.

“I’ll deal with this.”  He said briefly, leaving us quietly to continue our discussion.

Arthur stayed painfully silent as your words lingered heavily in the air, John was quick to disappear into his jobs, and Arthur stayed on the stool, petting the cow softly.

“I get it.” He spoke after a long pause of silence. “I’m sorry, I just...” He rotated his hands in a motion to gesture the continuation of his sentence, not really wanting to finish it himself.

“Just come inside for a bit.” 

He sighed in defeat, standing up from the cow and patting her softly as he removed himself from her side. He really suited this life, and it’s a darn shame that he can’t do too much with it. 

He walked inside slowly, dragging his feet. 

“Don’t get sulky.”

Uncle and Jack returned from Blackwater, pulling up in the wagon. Abigail had left the house to greet them and assist them while John did god-knows-what, something or other to do with the milk. 

Jack and Uncle were having a conversation, or maybe an argument, about something in Blackwater, and they were asking Abigail her opinion as they unpacked the back of the wagon. 

Arthur didn’t necessarily expect anyone to understand the struggles he had to deal with, he was dealt a poor hand, and partially, it was his fault. His days were numbered, and despite the unconditional love and support that everyone offered him, it only did so much into elongating that timer. It was a silent rule that we all knew it’d happen, and once it did, we’d most likely all point fingers on who’s to blame.

“Arthur.” Jack called out, grabbing his attention from his dreary thoughts and tossing him a fresh notebook. It lifted his spirits almost immediately. “I noticed your old one was getting full.” He responded plainly.

“Thanks, kid.” He smiled, still very clearly unwell and needing to rest but his mood had been lifted slightly. He walked through the front door quickly, wanting to get through before they’d be rushing things to and from inside the house. 

He walked over to the fridge and pulled out a cold glass bottle of water, looking over at you begrudgingly as he sat down on the dining room table and flipped through the soft new pages of the notebook.

“Any idea what you’ll do with it yet?”

He shook his head plainly. “No, I might draw some of the horses. Been a while since I drew Boadicea, or Rachel.” He shrugged. “Could draw Neil if he’d stand still.”

“That’s good.”

“Might go up to Owanjila at some point.”

“You could make a day of it.”

“Yeah, I could.”

You let out an exasperated sigh. “Can you stop doing that?” You cursed at him, agitated by how he was acting. “Don’t get upset at me over this.”

“I was fine.” He gritted his teeth.

“You were on the ground struggling to breathe.” You bit back, emphasising every word. He didn’t respond, just glancing away from you. He knew you were right, but didn’t want to admit it since it was inherently showing more weakness. “You...” You trailed off briefly.

“Sorry.” He mumbled, interjecting the conversation. “Jus’.. Don’t wanna be useless.”

“You’re not useless, you’re sick.”

“I know but—”

“Don’t you even try to compare yourself to Uncle.” Arthur stayed silent as you hit the nail on the head. “You did enough work today. Relax. Draw, journal, something. You have a few hours until the sun sets.”

“Fine.”

“I’ll make a deal with you.”

“What?” He was beginning to come across as overly defensive, though softened into a defeated sigh as you tried to compromise.

“Abigail gets angry at me, she don’t like how I do the dishes or clean clothes.” I rolled my eyes. “I’ll pro’lly try to help with the yard work. You can do more with less hassle.”

“I guess.” He shrugged.

“Weather forecasts think that it might rain sometime this week, means less work here, we can go to Owanjila.” He wasn’t too keen on it being babysat but he accepted it nonetheless.

“That’d be kinda nice...” He trailed off.

“We can do some fishin’ so they don’t think we’re bein lazy.” It was clear who the ‘they’ was in that sentence, which made him laugh in a silent exhale. “You can draw some of the scenery, set up a mini camp and just.. Have a day off. Hows that?”

“But—”

“Stop. You need to stop.”

“I’m bored!” He said, clearly agitated and exhausted. “I need something to do, ‘nd everyone jus’ wants me to rest but I gotta do somethin’ or I feel like shit.”

“I just suggested something.” I said sternly.

He looks around the dining area, chewing the inside of his cheek as he considers the idea. He sucked on his teeth slightly.

“Tch... Fine.” He admitted, like a defeated child.

There’s a long moment of silence, and you reach across the table to hold his hand. He continues to avoid eye contact, and his hand doesn’t hold yours back. 

Arthur’s voice is barely above a mumble; so sulky for a man so strong, or so he claims to be. Your eyes flickered between his gaze and him, waiting for him to speak. Arthur, desperate to look literally anywhere else, found himself staring at John’s taxidermied squirrel. If you didn’t know any better, one would probably assume he’s admiring the finest piece of art the 1900s has to offer. He seems to linger on the concept for a while, which worries you. You can’t help but wonder what’s going on in that mind of his.

The silence blares in your ears for a bit too long. Clearing his throat, Arthur looked you in the eyes.

“We’ll see how things go.”

[musicfeedsmysoul12]

I've been thinking about Toga for a little bit, and how I just pity her, sure she's a psychotic murderer, but she didn't have to be, if her parents were more open to her quirk things could have been different, if she went to a reputable pro hero things could have been different, did she have some less than ideal tendencies before she went off the deep end? Yes, but with therapy they could have been lessened, and who knows she could have been a good underground hero or whatever she wanted to be, I understand what a lot of what the community says about her being able to change, but with everything she did it wasn't going to be overnight, while I'm a little sad about her fate at the end in a way it sorta fits, she finally found someone who truly sees her for what she wants to be, someone cute and deserving of love.

I’m about to break your heart: I don’t like Toga. At all. Yeah I can sympathize for her, abusive parents suck, but like… she is still a killer. She is aware what she does is wrong and does it anyway. No amount of ‘I want love’ can change that for me. Plus I think people forget that it’s not canon she needs blood to survive. Her fascination with blood is due to her Quirk yes- but it was also what led to her killing a bird. That highly suggests psychopathic/sociopathic tendencies. These people tend to ONLY focus on themselves and what they want rather then anyone else.

Yes therapy helps but its not just ‘a few months of sessions’ its years on end therapy. Its never ending. Its in and out of hospitals sometimes to see what helps depending on the person. Its possibly being on medication, its being a young adult changing therapists ten times.

Yeah she could have been saved. But she also had a body count within like a year. I find it really hard to understand how people downplay it or try to ignore her actions- much like how they do it with Bakugou. Because she's cute and fun they want her to be part of the hero course as ‘rehab’ and ‘look how awful these kids are shunning her aren't they despite the fact they just got attacked a week ago by her’.

I'm much more interested in unrepentative Toga because I find that more interesting then a ‘good’ Toga. More so since the various ways people redeem her just fail.

A few months of therapy and it’s all good! No? Toga needs YEARS of therapy. And to be honest? With her history- she would need at least two years incarceration in a psychiatric hospital.

She gets into a rehab program at UA and then makes best friends. Okay no, she is obsessed with Izuku and Ochako. You remove people like Toga from their obsessions for their safety.

She gets caught after her first kill, gets help and then joins the hero course! It would take so much longer for her therapy to be done.

Do I think if she was found before she started killing things would be different? Yes I do! I fully think she could have been a hero if she had early intervention. If a teacher got worried, if she had proper Quirk Counseling- list goes on. She would still have her tendencies but early childhood intervention helps with that stuff. She would still be in therapy and all but she would have excelled at heroics. Psychopaths and sociopaths do wonderful in the military and similar jobs for a reason. An underground hero like Toga working as a spy? She'd rock it.

But I also think she isn't safe for society after she starts killing. Maybe in like a decade after therapy and stuff she would be, but it takes a long time for that to happen. Een then, she may not be allowed out because she isn't insane in the way she doesn't know what she's doing. She does, she does it. She might be in prison for the rest of her life because of that.

And lets say she does get out- its probably in her best interests not to have contact with Ochako. The risk of her relapsing is to much.

Of course this is me taking a more realistic approach. You can handwave everything with Quirks, but for me its just… I can’t.

I’ve read really good LOV redemption fics. One of my fav authors here (who I bug all the time) likes Toga. I don’t mind reading them because they work/are fairly crackish so its not a big deal. (Others less so). I can see why people like her, even if I don’t understand the habit of downplaying her actions. I just don’t like her. To me, she's more interesting as a selfish and unrepentive villain.

That being said: I didn't hate her ending either. I think it does fit her, and if it had to happen I like how it unfolded. Ochako did see someone worthy of love, worthy of care. And I think it says a lot about Ochako. I love it. I truly do. I love also how Ochako champions helping others like Toga to prevent the same thing happening again.

It’s one of the things I like the most about the ending.

[ghostofskywalker]

I’m popping back in with another request, I hope that’s okay. I couldn’t decide between Jesse or Tech but what about a new member who is having a rough go at adjusting to the new surroundings and sticks to Jesse/ Tech like glue because they were the first person they met? - Curious Curios

@curious-curios this was such a fun prompt - thank you!! i went with jesse because i thought he fit the prompt a little better :)

words: 2,099

summary: The 501st's files are a mess, and you're the one who was going to fix them. You definitely didn't know what to expect with this assignment, but it definitely wasn't developing a crush on a certain ARC trooper.

clone troopers masterlist

Welcome To The 501st

The reassignment had been hasty, and you had arrived at the hangar with absolutely no idea where you were supposed to go or what to do. The Civilian Administration Unit (or CAU for short) was still in its infancy, and up until about 20 minutes ago, you had thought you would be working with the 104th. You held your datapad in your hand and stared at the message stating that someone from the 501st would be there to greet you and escort you up to the flagship Resolute, but other than that, you were in the dark.

Previously, you had worked in the front office of the GAR, but you had always longed for something more exciting than fielding voicemails and scheduling budget meetings. So when the CAU opened up and was looking for volunteers, you jumped at the chance. The idea behind it was that people with administrative experience would probably be better at handling the more report and data-heavy aspects of life on the cruisers (the 501st, you had heard, was especially bad at keeping up with this type of stuff).

The door to the hangar opened and you turned around to see two men walking towards you, and you recognized one of them to be General Anakin Skywalker, who the holonet had dubbed one of the galaxy’s great heroes (and who you knew as one of the budgeting department’s biggest nightmares). There was a clone trooper walking next to him decorated in blue, the symbol of the Republic adorning his helmet, and when he removed it, you found that the symbol had also been tattooed on his head. You had to keep yourself from staring for too long, because he, like all the clones you had met, was incredibly handsome.

“Are you our new civilian officer?” Skywalker asked, and you nodded in response. He introduced himself and the clone next to him as Jesse, to which you softly introduced yourself as well. There was something about being the little fish in the big pond that made you even more shy than you usually were, but Jesse offered you a kind smile as the general started talking about the things you would be doing once you got onto the cruiser.

This speech continued until you got onto the transport and sat down, and Skywalker had boarded his own ship, so it was just you and Jesse. “Don’t be nervous,” he said as he sat down next to you. “The 501st can be a lot to take in at first, but you’ll get used to the craziness eventually.”

“Thanks,” you said sincerely, surprised that he had approached you. During your time at the GAR office, you had gotten a chance to meet some of the members of the Coruscant Guard, and while you thought they were all very nice, they tended to keep to themselves. “Are you included in that craziness?”

“I like to think I’m the rational one,” Jesse responded, a smile crossing his face. “But I’m sure if you asked our head medic, he’d tell you a different story.”

You laughed quietly at his words, immediately taken by his easygoing attitude and nice smile. “Well, as long as none of your reckless actions end up in the reports I have to file I have a feeling everything will be just fine,” you said, plucking up the courage to be a little bit friendlier rather than just scripted politeness.

“I’ll try to keep everything on the down-low,” was his response.

“Thanks.”

The conversation shifted after that, with him asking you about your work on Coruscant and you asking him about the tattoo on his face. He also told you stories of the 501st’s troopers and their heroics (as well as their more entertaining blunders), and by the time the transport ship was docking in the Resolute’s hangar, you felt comfortable around him, and you couldn’t help the little tug of attraction you felt when you looked at him. You’d meet many clones before, but he was the most attractive one (at least in your opinion).

Right before the two of you got up out of your seats and out the door, he turned to you. “It’ll probably be a little chaotic for your first few days, but if you need anything, I’d be happy to help.”

You smiled kindly. “Thank you Jesse. I’ll keep that in mind.”

His comm device buzzed the second you stepped out onto the hangar floor and he took off, leaving you to wonder if you would ever see him again.

***

Jesse definitely wasn’t wrong about the chaos of this particular battalion. When you arrived at the hangar, Captain Rex had introduced himself and taken you on a tour around the ship, which also gave you a chance to meet some of the other troopers, including Kix, Fives, Tup, Hardcase, and many others whose names all began to blend together after a while. They were all friendly (even to the point of being a little overbearing), but soon you were facing the real trouble: the file system.

Namely, the fact that it was a kriffing wreck.

Rex had tried his best to keep up with it, but the fact that the 501st hopped around planets nearly every other rotation made it a difficult job. Besides, he also had to lead an entire battalion, so secretarial work took a backseat (especially when the General threw them into some crazy plan on such short notice). He had offered his help to you in trying to organize and get everything submitted, but you politely declined, telling him that this was what you were here for and he had too many things on his plate to come help you all day. You would be fine once you took a look at everything and formed a plan.

And you were right about that, but it just took a little longer than you were expecting. What you thought might take only a few rotations ended up taking more than a week to organize, but thankfully you had it set up so something like this wouldn’t happen again, even if you were to leave and go back to Coruscant tomorrow. You practically lived in your office, having meals delivered to you instead of going down to the mess hall three times a day. Hells, the only time you left on most days was to go to sleep at night.

However, now that the system was better organized, it meant that you had more time during the day to go eat in the mess or take the occasional walk around the ship. There was just one problem: you didn’t really know anyone, so it was a bit of a lonely lifestyle.

Sure, there was Captain Rex, but from what you could observe, that man had a crazier schedule than you, so there was no way he was just walking around with nothing to do. Besides, he was barely an acquaintance.

You thought about Jesse, but there was no way for you to contact him. You had received your comm device after you arrived on board, so you couldn’t have given him your frequency. He was also an ARC trooper, which meant he was busier than usual as well. You considered going to the medbay to see if he was there, or to ask Kix for his brother’s frequency, but your shyness won out in the end and you just kept to yourself.

So here you were, sitting in the mess hall by yourself, picking at a lump of something on your plate that didn’t look the most appetizing, but wasn’t actually that bad. You always kept your datapad on hand so it didn’t look too embarrassing that you were eating alone. But one day, you were in the middle of reading a holonovel when you heard someone say your name, and you looked up to see Jesse sit down across from you, a grin on his face. “Hey!” he said. “Do you mind if I sit here?”

“Not at all,” you responded, and your face stretched into a smile as well.

“It’s nice to see you again,” he said. “Rex said you managed to get all the files and reports organized, so I wondered if you were still on the ship.”

“I’m still here,” you said. “The 501st is stuck with me until further notice.”

“That’s great,” he said. “But I think it’s probably more like you’re stuck with us.”

“I don’t know,” you said. “It hasn’t been too crazy around here.”

“You haven’t been here long enough then. Just wait.”

You just laughed. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

When it was time for the two of you to go your separate ways, you ended up exchanging comm frequencies. You hadn’t expected anything of it, but soon you had a standing appointment to eat lunch together whenever you could, and you no longer had to scroll through your datapad looking for something to read on most days.

You also got a chance to know some of the others better, as they started to join you at meals as well. You and Kix got along the best (much to Jesse’s chagrin, because you just used your friendship to tease him), but you were friendly with a lot of the other troopers now.

It was always difficult when the troopers went out on missions to different planets. You spent those days holed up in your office, waiting for some word about them being okay. Jesse usually let you know when they were on their way back, but you didn’t breathe easy until you saw your new friends with your own eyes, safe and sound.

Sometimes not all of the troops went, which was what had happened this time. Fives and Jesse were assisting General Skywalker with a mission because of their ARC status, so you and the rest of the 501st were still on the Resolute. You had waited all day for news of their return, but so far had heard nothing. It was during one of the times you obsessively checked your comm that you realized how you felt about Jesse. Your friendship with him had definitely blossomed into you wanting more, and you wanted to tell him as soon as possible.

A knock at the door of your office interrupted your worried pacing, and you gently called for whoever it was to come in, expecting it to be Kix with a cup of caf for you (and a little bit of reassurance that everything was okay).

Instead, Jesse walked through the door, and immediately, you wrapped him in a hug. His armor was cold and slightly damp, and he had a few minor scrapes on his face, but you didn’t care. He laughed as his arms snaked around you and held you close to him, and you allowed yourself to smile for the first time all day. “I’m guessing you missed me then,” Jesse said, and you could hear the smirk on his face.

You tried to maintain indifference, but it was a little difficult when you still hadn’t let go of him yet. “Oh shut up.”

“I just risked my shebs out there, and this is the thanks I get? Why don’t you make me?”

His words were playful, and maybe it was a lapse in judgment on your part, but you did just that, leaning up to place your lips on his for a fleeting moment. Or, for what you originally intended to be a fleeting moment. Once he realized what was happening, Jesse kissed back, his hands coming down to rest on your waist as the two of you poured all your unspoken passion into the kiss.

And it would have been even longer too, if Kix hadn’t barged into your office without knocking. “Kriffing hell,” he said as he stepped into the room, and you and Jesse pulled apart (rather reluctantly, if you were being honest).

For a moment, the medic stared owlishly at the two of you as you both stared back at him, and then Kix threw his hands up and started to back out of the room. “When you’re done eating each other’s face off, Jesse needs to come to the medbay so I can clean his scratches.”

He walked off before either you or Jesse could say anything in return, muttering something about this being Fives’ fault and how he should get paid for dealing with these animals.

And well, there wasn’t much talking between you and Jesse after that, as he leaned in for another kiss, just as passionate at the first. 

- the end -

[skys-archive]

In case you haven't been able to tell from my recent posts (or just haven't seen them, which, fair) I have psychosis. And I decided I wanted to talk about it while I was thinking about it.

I'm not going into detail of symptoms, but if conversation around delusions, paranoia, hallucinations, and disassociation could potentially trigger you please keep yourself safe. I do describe symptoms a bit and give a few examples. Also warning - a very brief mention of self harm.

Anyway, I've suffered with some psychotic symptoms since I was really little. (Side note - on its own these aren't psychosis. But because I have psychosis I noticed these are tendencies I had as a child that are similar) I would mix up dreams and reality very very often, even take out anger of things that happened on people in real life, or believe things even if I knew the opposite where true. For example I had a fantasy dream when I was very young, and in it one of my friends sisters was our neighbor. I went years legitimately thinking that friend was my neighbor, even when I would pass by her real house. Also, I was very very sure I could not be killed. This is a delusion I still struggle with, the idea that I'm unable to be harmed a significant amount. I believed I was a prophet, and my dreams held meaning of what would happen. It didn't help that I grew up Christian being told stories of spirituality coming to you in dreams. All of these were relatively harmless on their own aside from the delusion I still struggle with, I mostly just mention it because it reminds me of my more severe psychotic symptoms now.

I'm not really diagnosed with a reason for these symptoms right now, my doctors don't want to diagnose me. I'm diagnosed with depression and anxiety, as well as panic disorder. Though now I don't really meet the criteria of panic disorder because I don't have panic attacks very frequently. I think I actually maybe never did, and what I thought were panic attacks were more minor psychotic episodes. I personally think I may have a schizospec disorder, but again not currently diagnosed, though I am on medication for it. I do notice my doctors have never called it psychotic symptoms.

I'm not super familiar with the terminology behind psychotic symptoms at the moment. I know there's positive symptoms, things that are added like hallucinations and paranoia, and negative symptoms that take away things like lack of interest or focus. I know there's another category as well. And I know medication only really treats the positive symptoms which is also what I've noticed.

I started noticing my positive symptoms a little over a year ago, about April of 2023. I was having a really hard time seeing the difference between dreams/thoughts and realities. I would hallucinate conversations and interactions that would make me very upset and sometimes I would just see things. Paranoia I've had for much longer, but I didn't start recognizing it as paranoia until around the same time. I don't often have paranoia of very specific things, just a general idea that people are out to get me. I think people are lying about so many things. Often my paranoia goes hand in hand with delusions. For a long time, I was convinced that my boyfriend didn't actually exist. I thought that everyone knew I was making him up and so they lied about knowing him in order to appease me and that everyone who didn't know I made him up had just never met him and assumed he was real. So, I was paranoid about people lying not to hurt my feelings. I'll have delusions about the whole world being specifically tailored to hurt me, or that it's not real and it's some special kind of hell made just for me. This leads to paranoia about nothing and no one being a real thing.

My medication has definitely helped these symptoms. I didn't haucinate often anyway but that pretty much went away. Paranoia could be triggered but I didn't find myself having it as often as I was, same with delusions. The two kind of go together.

It's been hard learning and setting boundaries for my triggers. I've noticed a big one is miscommunication. Communication is very very important to me in any kind of relationship. When there are misunderstandings, my brain kind of takes that as lies. Kind of like when there's a plot hole in a franchise, my brain finds a way to make it make sense but often it uses the worst outcomes it can imagine. When things aren't communicated properly I start thinking people are lying and then I get paranoid about being paranoid wondering what to believe. I try to make people understand that communication is just, really important. Obviously it's important for everyone but especially for me because without it it sends me into mental health crises.

With medication, psychotic episodes have become a lot more bearable. Before, I would spend hours upon hours physically unable to control myself. I'd cry and scream and kick and pretty much anyone I had a conversation with I would be so unbelievably nasty to. I would have specific racing thoughts I couldn't control and everything felt like it was fighting. It took me days to recover but I didn't have days because I would have multiple of these episodes a day, just spending energy that I didn't have. I either waited until I wore myself out or I would hurt myself to shock my system out of it. The latter was the only effective thing I knew to help me get out of it instead of losing too much energy.

Now it's different. Again it's usually because of a miscommunication. I have a fear or a paranoia, I believe no one is listening. I have one clear thought of what's wrong instead of the racing and fighting. I'm very torn on the thought, but it's only one thought. I can control myself physically and if I need to I can continue my tasks. Not to a very good standard but I can do it. It lasts maybe an hour, and it takes out a lot of energy. It doesn't happen nearly as often, I'm able to recover more. With therapy it's been easier to find ways to distract myself and shock myself out of it more healthily and successfully.

I still have the symptoms but it's bearable.

There's more to talk about but that's all I feel at the moment.

Psychosis is something I live with, I don't have much of a reason for this other than I wanted to bc I was thinking.

[nori-writes]

Stoic Emotions

Yeehan

Desc: Cole gets injured on a mission and Hanzo’s worried about him but shows his emotions a little differently.

W/C: 1250+

A/N: Well because y’all said I should post my Yeehan fics from AO3 to Tumblr here we are. If y’all wanna look look at my stuff on AO3 here. But I hope y’all enjoy these. They were written a hot minute ago.

The sound of gunfire and fighting made its way around the field, the smells of gunpowder, dirt, and sweat mixing together in the air while the sun started to set over the horizon.

They were finally almost done with this mission Hanzo internally thanked while aiming his bow at another enemy before letting go of the string on his bow, killing another one as he sighed. This mission was supposed to be covert but due to some unforeseen events, they had been located which broke out into what they were now a part of.

Pulling out another arrow from his quiver he thought to himself about how ready he was to finally be on his way home, a nice warm shower sounded amazing right now. Maybe Cole would join him, that sounded like an even better idea at the moment. A nice warm shower with his lover and then heading straight to the warmth of the bed. Right now that was something that needed to wait. Right now he needed to focus on the problem at hand.

His hand clasped onto the grip of the bow, pulling the arrow nock onto the string and setting the front of the arrow in the sight window before drawing the bow and releasing the arrow and nailing the second to last man in the head before the final one ran, Resting the bow by his side, Hanzo let out a sigh of relief that it was over for the time being.

Cole had told him before he went to go deal with some people on his own that he’d comm to him when he was on his way back to help Hanzo clean up his own situation, that was almost twenty minutes ago. The raven haired male put his hand to the earpiece so it would pick up his voice, “Cass, are you there?”

No response was to be heard, he took out the earpiece and made sure it was still on and the volume was set well before putting it back in to make sure it was working, to find it already on and fully functional, “Cassidy, are you there?” Almost a minute had gone by still, without a response. It was starting to worry him, Cole typically tried to respond quickly and rarely didn’t respond after being talked to twice.

Hanzo decided to just leave it at the idea that Cole had simply had it off and that’s why he wasn’t responding. Even so it didn’t feel like a complete answer, something felt off about the answer he was giving himself.

He decided he was going to go take a look himself, grabbing his equipment he walked off to where he had seen Cole run off too. He tried a couple other times to get in contact with Cole but still to no avail. Soon enough after what felt like endless running he found something that resembled Cole.

Realising that the brunette was being shot at, he pulled out his bow to take aim, though before hitting the enemy he was too late, Cassidy took a couple shots before running behind some cover and taking a knee while Hanzo dealt with the rest of them before running over to Cole.

“Hey sweetheart.” He said nonchalantly even with the presence of a large dark crimson colour bleeding through his clothing, his chestplate being shot though.

Hanzo without a word was pulling off the other male's chest plate to take a look at what was happening under. Pulling off the armour Cole shot him a smug look, “If you wanted me undressed you just could’ve asked sweetheart.”

“Cole, not right now.” He barked at him, visibly panicked, pulling out a small medkit that he kept on him that just consisted of peroxide and gause along with a small roll of medical tape, and a few cotton balls, just the small things he brought with him everywhere incase of an emergency. “How’re you feeling?”

The cowboy let out a small laugh, “I’ll be honest I feel like absolute shit right now but it’s a little bit better now that you’re here,” he winked at Hanzo.

“Cole- right now is not the time to try and flirt with me- I love you and all but not right now, what's all really wrong?” He asked while trying to dab the blood from a gunshot wound panic written all over his face. Sure, he’d seen Cole beaten and bruised before but 3 gunshot wounds? Too many, maybe on anybody else they wouldn’t have freaked him out this much but they did nonetheless.

He sighed, pointing to all the places where he had been wounded, “”Y’know for someone who usually seems indifferent about most things, warms my heart to see you all worried ‘bout me.”

“Cole, shut up for a minute.”

The cowboy let out a small laugh at his lover’s annoyance; he knew it was just because he loved him, “My bad darlin’ I’ll be quiet,” he sat silently while Hanzo temporarily patched up his wounds.

After exposing the wounds Hanzo pulled out the peroxide and a few paper cotton balls, he doused the cotton balls in the peroxide and without warning had started cleaning the wounds.

Cole let out a loud hiss, “God, ‘coulda given me a warnin’. That shit hurts.”

Hanzo doesn’t let off, instead continuing to clean the wounds. While Hanzo was doing what he was doing Cole had heard Hanzo say something into his earpiece about where the two were and that he needed someone to come to properly tend to his wounds but if he was being honest, he wasn’t paying much attention.

Finally Hanzo was done doing that and now was just putting the gause where it needed to be and then taping it down. Soon enough Hanzo taped off one last piece of gauze to itself so it’d stay in place before letting out a relieved sigh and finally letting himself relax some, “There, you should be alright until Angela or Ana make their way here. Don’t be an idiot, those need to stay in place.”

“‘Course sugar, wouldn’t dream of it.”

Hanzo didn’t understand how Cole still had all this energy, he never did. He swore no matter how tired the other male was there was always some form of energy left in him, he didn’t know how he did it. Hell, even after a couple bullets in him he still seemed like he was ready to get up and go on a walk.

After what felt like forever of Hanzo rechecking over Cole’s body for wounds Ana made her way to the couple, scolding Cole for getting himself into this amount of trouble while he praised Hanzo for his job of tending to the wounds before doing it herself.

“He’ll be fine right?” Hanzo asked, listening close enough you could almost hear the worry in his voice.

“Oh he’ll be fine as long as he takes care of himself, which he’ll be doing, right?” She looked at the cowboy, giving him a look.

He gave her a wide grin in return, “‘Course I will be.”

“That’s what I like to hear.”

Hanzo stood up, holding his hand out for Cole to help him up off the floor. He happily took his hand, helping himself up. By the time he was up, neither of them bothered letting go while they walked back to the drop ship, Hanzo turned his head to them while they were walking, “Please try to not do that again, my anxiety would appreciate it.”

Cole looked back at his boyfriend placing a chaste kiss onto his lips with a smile, “I’ll try my hardest sweetheart.”

“You’d better.”

I’ll post the rest of these tmr, it’s getting late. See y’all!

[spoopydooblr]

The Ken and Stella pregnancy blurb was so good could you write one where they find out that she’s pregnant?

ive been thinking about this scenario a lot and i cant really decide how i want this to go . . .

i think a year or so after they get married (stella is like 30ish) they start to really do their research and find the best fertility clinic in the city. its been almost 20 years since kendall and rava struggled to get pregnant, but still, he's not feeling optimistic.

stella gets a clean bill of health from the doctor, but ken isn't so lucky. just as he suspected, he was the problem. again.

was it the drugs? he was clean now, but he used so much...could he have ruined his chances forever?

stella assures him that it'll be okay, but she never went through what he had to 20 years ago.

they decide on a couple of treatments. they're both taking shots every day and pills at night and its exhausting. most of the meds go to kendall, but stella has to take some too, just in case.

they begin with intrauterine insemination, which is pretty simple and painless, but stella gets her period two weeks later. its hard on both of them, but especially kendall because he knows it's him, not her.

next they try ivf, which is a lot more complicated and expensive (not that money is an issue). now they both have to do injections and stella goes in for her egg retrieval.

the egg retrieval goes better than expected and they're left with 10. ken's sample has some relatively viable sperm so they pull the trigger and try to make some embryos.

the waiting is by-far the worst part, because deep down kendall knows there's no way those embryos are going to get made with his shitty sperm. he's right, unfortunately, and they're back to square one with zero embryos and ten now-frozen eggs.

kendall suggests a donor, like they did with iverson. stella's heartbroken, but they start to look into other options.

because they have the best doctors, however, they get into a trial for a new drug that increases sperm count and viability. stella is thrilled and insists kendall try it, but it's another injection and he's not super happy about it. nothing has ever worked for him, why now?

it's nice to have a break from more intense treatments, so they agree and kendall marks his torso up with injection pricks again.

three months later, ken and stella are enjoying some time off from surgery and tiny, microscopic cells that control their lives. kendall's in new york for the week, working on some financials for their production company (i imagine them making something rival to waystar and completely taking over the media scene), and stella is holding it down in los angeles, or at least trying to.

it's flu season and she's been to so many fancy parties in the last few weeks, stella is sick as a dog. she's a little worried, but the nausea, vomiting and headaches are typical for the flu, right?

she also chalks her late period up to stress. but it's been at least a few weeks...

the day before kendall is supposed to come home, stella drives herself to the hospital after she can't stop throwing up.

"when did the symptoms start?" the doctor asks.

"a week ago, i think, but ive been feeling kind of off for a while."

"and there's no chance you're pregnant? when was your last period?"

stella's heart skips a beat.

"um, i'm not sure. we're trying, uh, but it's been unsuccessful. my period is really irregular and i've been stressed so--" she trails off. "we've been trying for a couple of years."

"and are you taking medication?"

"i did, but it's not really..." she thinks for a bit. "it's not a uterus issue, it's my husband."

"and what is he taking?"

she tells the doctor about the new medication kendall is taking. "it's only been three months, so we're still hopeful. or at least i am."

"i've heard some great things about that new drug. it's really changing people's lives." the doctor smiles, turning away from stella and writing something down. "i'm going to order some tests, but i think you're fine."

------------------

kendall, obviously, sprints to his jet when stella tells him she's sick. she insists she's fine, but wants him to come home as soon as he can, which stresses him out to no avail.

he bursts through the door four hours later, finding stella reading a magazine on the couch.

"stell!" he says, running towards her.

"hey baby." she hugs him, bringing him down to the couch with her. stella presses her lips to his, but kendall is confused.

"aren't you sick?" he pulls away.

her face breaks into a huge smile. "about that..." stella gets up from the couch and walks to the kitchen.

kendall looks at her quizzically, as she comes back with a piece of paper in her hands.

"i have something to show you." she says, holding the paper close to her.

"okay..." kendall smiles at her, utterly confused.

stella carefully sits next to him on the couch. "here."

kendall recognizes the picture immediately. he used to frame them when rava was pregnant with iverson.

"what is this?" he holds up the ultrasound. it's too good to be true, right? tears prick his eyes.

stella is crying already, and takes his hand. "that's inside of me."

he looks down at the black and white photo again. a fuzzy, bean-looking object sits, next to another, smaller object. he's speechless for the first time in his life.

"what is that?" he whispers, pointing to the smaller object on the page.

stella looks at him, and he really can't read her for once.

"this surprise comes with another surprise." she laughs.

kendall's crying, but he takes another look. "is that..."

"yeah."

"two?" he smiles wide.

"i'm pregnant." she finally says, putting her hands on his cheeks. "baby, we're having twins."

they both burst out into crying giggles, hugging. kendall kisses her all over, stopping at her stomach. it's still pretty flat, but he knows her body so well he swears he can see a tiny bump growing.

THIS WAS SO FUN AND LOVELY TO WRITE I LOVE THEM AND I HOPE U DO TOO

[isfjmel-phleg]

March 2024 Books

Norby, the Mixed-Up Robot by Janet and Isaac Asimov

This one was a lot of fun! I should track down the rest of the series.

The World's Greatest Detective by Caroline Carlson

I was very confused about what era this world was mimicking (are they Victorian? 1920s/30s?), but it was a fun story and I enjoyed the dynamic between the protagonists.

A Dig in Time by Peni R. Griffin

I remember liking this one, but it feels like I read it years ago and I can't remember everything. Time travel with a family emphasis.

The Promise by Monica Hughes

Like Sandwriter, which this is a sequel to, I initially wasn't so sure that I liked this one, and then it went in an unexpected direction that took the themes in a more complex place, and I appreciated that.

The Yellow Fairy Book by Andrew Lang

I generally like fairy tales well enough, but this one was rather a slog to get through, and I ended up skimming a lot of it. There were some familiar favorites, but a lot of the tales were of the variety that consist of an interesting set-up followed by a seemingly incoherent series of events, and I regret I don't have enough interest in folklore to get much out of that.

The Romance of a Shop by Amy Levy

Interesting from a historic perspective mostly, but I didn't connect much with the story.

The Secret Garden of Yanagi Inn by Amber A. Logan (reread)

Reread so it would be fresh in my mind before the presentation. You already know how I feel about this one.

The Humming Room by Ellen Potter (reread)

Same as above. I have a post in drafts with some thoughts on this one that may eventually see daylight.

The Making of May by Gwyneth Rees (reread)

Already discussed this one.

A Bit of Earth by Karuna Riazi (reread)

Beautifully written and very readable and develops its themes well. Does fall into the trap of making the story about grief (Maria's late parents were frequently absent from her life, and she resents this, but she did have relationships with them in ways that her counterpart in the original book never did with her parents, so it's a completely different dynamic). I found this Colin to be somewhat underdeveloped, but I did appreciate the concept of his being fearful about failing to live up to family expectation, which is a reasonable translation of the original character's source of shame.

Charley by Joan G. Robinson

I don't remember much of this one. Didn't have any problems, just didn't have as much impact as other books by this author have for me.

Greenwild by Pari Thomson

A very derivative example of the Child Learns That They Are Magical And Special And Enters A Fantastical World Where They Must Take On The Villain sort of story. I wanted to enjoy it, but everything felt trite.

Doctor Who: A Brief History of Time Lords by Steve Tribe

This was a gift from my brother. I am a very casual DW fan and haven't really engaged with the show in quite a while (really should rewatch and catch up on new stuff but that's a pretty big time commitment right now). I think I would have got a lot more out of this if I were more than passingly familiar with Classic Who and all the lore in general.

Not Quite a Ghost by Anne Ursu

I was interested in this one because it's a retelling of "The Yellow Wallpaper," and the concept of comparing the difficulties of getting difficult-to-trace chronic illnesses taken seriously and diagnosed in today's world to the mishandling of women's medical and psychological conditions in the late nineteenth century intrigued me. However, this book didn't really know what it wanted to be. The young protagonist's struggles with her mystery chronic illness took up most of the book, but there was also a plot about a literal ghost in the wallpaper of her new attic bedroom that needs to be defeated in the end, and neither of these things fitted well together. One or the other of them would have been fine, but the combination left me confused about the nature of this fictional world and the themes of the book in general.

Comics/Graphic Novels

Benevolent Sisters of Charity (Over the Garden Wall)

This is the only one of the OTGW comics that I wasn't able to buy before it went out of print, so I ILLed it and realized that it was for the better that I hadn't. The story was incoherent and pointless and the characters were OOC. The art was much better than the story deserved.

Wayne Family Adventures Vol. 3

I've read these as a webcomic already but wanted it in book form too. These are entertaining; you just have to go into it aware that this is The Fluffy World version of everybody and they are characterized accordingly.

The Flash by Grant Morrison & Mark Millar

Not on a level with Waid's work, of course, but the highlight of this one was the storyline in which Linda dies and Wally manages to bring her back (some good Bart content here) and a delightfully meta short story in which Mark Millar meets up with Wally to figure out what story about him to tell next...and Wally is given a co-writing credit in the end.

The Flash by Mark Waid Books Seven and Eight

An effective end to this run. Waid points out in his Afterword that he's still got another story on reserve, so...anytime he wants to give that to us, that would be great. I'll be waiting.

The Secret Garden on 81st Street: A Modern Retelling of the Secret Garden by Ivy Noelle Weir (reread)

You know how I feel about this one. (I whipped it out at the convention to show somebody who was talking to me about CEN in the present day through leaving one's child to technology that that concept was used in this retelling, and somebody nearby oohed about what a diverse retelling it was as I flipped through pages. Which is, you know, more important than effective storytelling. It should have done both! We could have had both!)

Stephen McCranie's Space Boy Omnibus Volume 5

I've read this in webcomic form already, but it's a pleasure to have a physical copy of the latest omnibus.

Sinister Sons #1-2 plus additional material establishing the backgrounds of Lor-Zod and Sinson

A sort of response to the series Super Sons (which featured Jon Kent at his proper age and Damian Wayne), by the same author. This is going to be about a teamup of Lor-Zod (son of General Zod, was Chris Kent in another continuity, has apparently been Zukoed in this incarnation) and Sinson (a young, apparently orphaned thief who believes that his father must be Sinestro, the Green Lantern's arch-nemesis). So far the boys haven't done much more than fight, but I'm interested to see where this is going. (#3 is in the mail now!)

Lor is a horrid little piece of work, but his parents' recent treatment of him puts him in a more sympathetic situation, and I am hoping he'll get a redemption arc that would move him closer to his original version. Sinson is no angel either, but he's just a child who really, really wants a family and is clinging to the only hope for one that he has--and if that means he's a supervillain's son, then he's ready to follow in those footsteps to gain acceptance.

(Also he drew a mustache on himself with a black marker to look more like his alleged father, and that's so ridiculous and kind of endearing.)

[lmelodie]

Chimera Fun Facts!

Because I did one for Kills AGES ago and now that she's more ironed out as a person, its Meras turn! She hasn't been getting as much love as she deserves on this page which is a DAMN SHAME so I'm doing it now!

Her cat half isn't actually based on a pure leopard but a tiger

Chimera DEFINITELY has a giant carnivorous plant that lives in her green house, a la little shop of horrors. It doesn't speak or anything, it's just kinda like a pet that eats human flesh. Her name is Lydia.

It's always a preshow tradition for the other showgirls to help Chimera bedazzle/paint her wings before her number. It's a bonding moment where they hype each other up before going on stage.

She is a businesswoman! A working woman and entrepreneur that's very fiscally smart and knows business probably better than anyone

She also definitely started the whole trend of poisoning people in 1600s Paris. May or may not have instigated the Affair of the Poisons and watched the whole thing go down like a telenovela, she was KNEE DEEP in that whole thing.

She also whispered in a few ears in order for the Poison Garden to be established and managed to get herself a job as a tender for it to properly look after it (pales in comparison to her own garden in her home but it's a nice little side project).

Has severe claustrophobia and panics when being tied up/restrained, as a trauma response from her earliest life experiences (that I will hopefully explain upon in a small side story at some point).

She also came out of those experiences with a whole lot of body image issues so she, at some point, goes through an entire body positivity journey to love her unique form.

In as basic of terms as I can manage, she creates an enchantment to give herself normal legs and lives like that for a little bit only to find that IT SUCKS until Kills is like:

"Yes, your body can be used, but it can also be used by you, for EVIL and REVENGE!"

And Chimera is like "Oh my god your so RIGHT!"

And now every room she walks into is legally hers :)

She chuffs and purrs like cats!

Her and cupid are good friends, and bond over being lumped together in the same pantheon and calls him cousin

She got SO HYPE when she found out that her name became an adjective and was so excited to find out what it meant until she was told that it literally translates to something so fantastical that its completely unrealistic. She doesn't like it, but there's also not much she can do about it.

Unlike most other spirits who had someone else teach them how to use magic, Chimera is completely self-taught. She may have picked a few things from others here and there, but she mostly taught herself through experimentation and trial and error.

She has given her professional opinion to various medical practices about various poisons and the effects on the body. Probably slept with a few doctors.

She likes going to the human world and seeking out awful men who roofie women's drinks and roofie them right back. She makes sure to drink the spiked drinks they all give her and watch as she isn't affected but every guy she talks to collapses.

Also the Protector of Women in her own clubs she's performing at. If any of the dancers have a problem with a particularly handsy guy, they get Chimera and she sorts them out REAL QUICK.

Is Killian's designated Straight Wife decoy for when they went out and about in human establishments.

Pick pockets men on the daily

Has stolen SO MUCH MONEY from Jack on the tail end of him and Killian's relationship it is UNREAL

She has not figured this out yet but technically, in theory, if she were to really try at it, she could heal people from poison or venom damage.

Gets most of her clothes from centaur run/catered businesses but still needs some things custom made to fit her custom form.

She is somewhere in her late 2,000s. 2,800 or around there seems about right

[cupoftaae]

Forever and a day (KTH x READER) series♡ meet the parents. chapter 4

Summary: your lifelong friend is forced to face his true feelings for you once he breaks the number one rule of becoming friends with benefits: dont fall in love. He knows he loves you, but you on the other hand need more convincing of the most important thing: the right decision.

Genre: fwb. Roommates, friends to idiots to lovers, fluff, angst, smut, the whole 9 yards tbh.

Pairing: taehyung x female!reader

rating: 18+ (minors dni!!!)

word count: around 3.1k I believe

chapter warnings: swearing, mentions of sex, (theres a flashback) trigger warning for this bc kaito is a little manipulative. Mentions of adhd, medications. There’s a lot of hot and cold behavior between Tae and reader, as well as a fight towards the end. Sorry!

A/N another thanks to everyone whos been liking, reading and reblogging this story (along with my other drabbles). I know my page isnt huge or anything but I love writing and seeing all of the support really motivates me, so thank you :) I also got to sit down and really plan out the rest of my chapters with great detail, I think you guys are gonna like the upcoming chapters so stay tuned (lots of drama)

enjoyyy! (also, I plan to create a spotify playlist for this series!)

A week later.

Taehyung turned around from the stove to face his laptop, currently on the page of something he thought he would never see, a college. he scrolled before turning back to flip his pancake, ensuring he didn't burn it. Over the past week, youve been spending most days and nights over at Kaitos, so he's had more room to think about things.

He wants to become more serious with his art desire, and he wants to prove to not only you, but himself, that he can do big things. So here he is, signing up for local art classes at the college a few streets down. He checked the schedule really quick to make sure that nothing would overlap with the class dates, humming to himself when he realized his first class would be this Saturday morning, the same day his parents were coming for dinner. He sat back against the counter and looked down at Yeontan, who was waiting for bits of food to fall.

Dinner. He forgot all about that, good thing you wrote it on the calendar. would you still even be up for going?

He sat in thought, perhaps too much thought. Taehyung's head whipped around at the aroma of burnt pancakes. "shit!"

maybe he should sign up for a cooking class too?

You and Taehyung havent spoken too much since he word vomited his confessions at you last week. The longest conversation you both shared was 2 days ago when your period suddenly came and you asked tae to bring you to the store late at night because you had ran out of tampons.

there was no discussion about anything he had said to you though, as if there was a mutual agreement to drop it and move on.

he scooped his somewhat burned pancake and put it on the plate, cutting off the black part and managing to revive his breakfast, seeming content with his work. "Not too bad, huh?" he smiled and looked down at his dog, who seemed to assume the food was for him.

Once taehyung sat down at the kitchen counter, he went back to reviewing the art classes website when suddenly you walked in.

The boys eyes darted up to the door, watching you put your bag down and look at him.

"hey" he shyly waved, taking a bite of his food.

you smiled, "hi", making your way over to him and sniffing the air. "you burnt them" you couldn't help but laugh a little.

"listen, it wasnt as bad as last time, taste" taehyung held the fork out with a small bit of food on it, allowing you to try it. "hm" you hummed, nodding. "ok its not charred ill give you that"

He smiled and watched as you sit down and pick tannie up. "so did you have fun at kaitos?" he asked, trying to just have small talk with you.

you looked up at him, "uh yeah, I guess" you shrugged, remembering last night. "we watched sports and he explained the entire game to me like I was stupid and didnt play soccer for 7 years" you laughed and moved your head to get close to the puppy in your arms, allowing taehyung to notice the dark purple mark hidden just above your clavicle.

he nearly chokes on his food, drawing your attention to him. "are you okay?" he nods and clears his throat. clearly you two didn't just watch sports. "im good, just swallowed wrong" he took a sip of his water and tapped his foot, avoiding his eyes from you as he thought of something else to say considering this conversation has now outlasted any previous ones of the past 7 days.

"oh you know this Saturday is the um, the dinner with my parents?" you looked at his laptop, feeling your eyes burn onto him. "oh shit I forgot about that" you smiled and looked over at the calendar on the fridge. "I did too" he laughs.

"you dont have to go if you arent up for it" he mumbles, still unable to look at you. "oh im going, I havent seen them in so long, even if we left off on a bad note, Im still close with them and I think its important to go to the dinner" you spoke matter of factly.

He simply nodded and took another bite of food.

"what are you doing?" you nosily ask, trying to drag out the interaction considering the fact you had missed conversing with your best friend.

He watches you lean over to look at his laptop. "oh its just, something Im interested in doing." tae shrugged, embarrassed you saw the website.

"art classes?" you ask, "I didnt know you liked that type of thing?"

"yeah, Ive always kinda wanted to do it but never had the chance. I mine as well try it right?" he smiled shyly.

"I think thats good for you" you nod, patting his back. "getting out more and stuff, you are always working from home. Oh look, the class is at my college so we might run into each other" you joke and walk off to your room.

the feeling of your hand against his back causes him to tense up, still trying to wrap his head around what he saw. It couldn't have been a hickey, maybe it was something else, perhaps you got hurt, right? .

oh who is he kidding. Who gets hurt on the neck like that, it was a hickey no doubt. (a/n: looking at you namjoon)

why was he kinda upset about that? He respected your space and the fact you are dating kaito, and thats what people who are in love do, they kiss each other....and stuff. He shook his head and stood up, deciding to go for a walk outside to clear his head.

-

While Tae headed out, you stepped into the bathroom to shower. Staring back at your reflection as you removed your shirt, revealing the dark spots peppering you neck and chest, your mind was brought back to the night prior.

Kaito kissed along your jaw, his hand coming under your shirt to brush your bare skin. you two were watching a soccer game but somehow it turned into a make out session he decided to bring upstairs to his room.

he hummed and pressed his lips against yours, your hand in his hair. he began pushing himself so his body was between your legs, hand now reaching for the hem of your shirt. "hm" you mumbled and pushed him off a bit, making him sit back and look at you. "what?" he asked, out of breath.

its not like you havent had sex with kaito.....ok, no thats exactly it. Youve never had sex with him. The most you two have done was letting him finger you under the blanket while watching a movie, then in return, sucking his dick in the backseat of his car.

He was more than ready to move forward with you, but you for some reason weren't.

you sighed and shrugged, removing his hand from your shirt. Kaito looked back at you before sitting to the side and laying on his back. "do you not want to have sex with me or something?" he spoke up.

"no, no, no, I do!" you lied, suddenly feeling guilt.

"then whats your problem?" he sighed, "every time I start something you always shut it down."

"im sorry" you whisper.

"dont be sorry, just dont lead me on." he shook his head.

you sat for a moment, taking a deep breath before getting up and moving to straddle his waist, his eyes widened up at you.

"im just nervous...ive...never done it before" you lied again, trying to convince him otherwise.

"oh" he spoke, hands on your waist as he seemingly took interest in the thought of him being the one to take your virginity.

the last time you had sex was a few months ago with taehyung. you've never done it with anyone else, ever.

"you trust me, right?" he tilted his head

you scanned his face, nodding. "yeah...."

with that he returned his lips against yours

your fingers ran over your chest, tears brimming to your eyes as you began to quietly sob. It wasn't like you had not consented to it. It was a mutual thing, and he's your boyfriend for god sakes, so why did you feel so damn dirty?

you cried as you showered away your thoughts and tried to wash off the feeling of disgust but it just wouldn't go.

and maybe, just maybe, deep down

you knew why.

-

Once Saturday had approached, you waited for taehyung to get back home from his first art class, deciding that you both could use a quick grocery shopping trip, as well as stop by the clothing store considering tonight was the dinner with his parents and you needed an outfit.

You looked at the clock to see it was almost 12, why isnt he home yet if the class ended at 11:40?

you decided on cooking a small breakfast while you waited, something for Taehyung too because you just know he had not eaten prior before leaving, and would be hungry when he returned.

Content with preparing some bacon and toast with fruit, you placed the dish on the counter before turning and grabbing Taehyung's medication from the top cabinet. Along with eating, you also have to remind him to keep up with his meds, which he has been taking since he was 13 for his ADHD. Sometimes you believe he thinks he doesnt have it, and thats why he forgets to take it.

finally sitting down to eat, you open up your laptop and begin to type away at some homework you needed to catch up on. You had not spoken to kaito in person since Wednesday night, he asked you for coffee this morning but you made some excuse about feeling ill, which had not been a total lie. You were worried that he was going to expect this of you each time you both met up. You've never felt so wrong about something you had no reason to be ashamed of, and the worst part was, you couldn't even talk to him about it. Kaito would make it some big issue about you 'not liking him enough or some shit'. You just knew you needed your own space for a few days, and were grateful you had extra concealer to hide the past weeks evidence painted along your neck, which you hoped to God taehyung had not seen.

you were drawn out of your thoughts as you watched the door open, a cheery tae walking in.

"hi!" he smiled and walked over, eating a piece of fruit off your plate.

"hey" you spoke, looking at him. "so? how was it?"

"it was so fun!! look, I made this" he held up a small canvas with strokes of multicolored paint splashed across in an artistic way. you nodded, not fully understanding art, in the same sense he couldn't understand literature. you didn't get why paint thrown on a white base was pretty or poetic, but you let him have it.

"I like it tae, good job" you offered a smile as he held it out into your hands. "keep it!" he spoke, turning to go greet his dog.

you smiled to yourself and looked over it before turning around as well, "eat breakfast and take your meds please, I was wondering if it was possible that we could go shopping before we meet up with your parents?"

he nodded and walked over to the counter, following your orders. "yeah we can, they arent gonna be ready to pick us up until 7." he spoke, shoving bacon into his mouth.

"perfect".

-

"Tae we dont need those, we have so many bags of chips at home" you protested, slumping as you pushed the grocery cart isle through isle.

He looked at the bag of cheese puffs and walked fast to catch up to you, "ah ah ah, nope. these ones are spicy. see?" He shoved it close to your face.

"fine." you sighed, trying to find the stuff you guys actually needed, like milk, coffee creamer, and-

"Taehyung??"

what??

you both turned around to see a younger girl walking up behind you, she had short hair and was bundled up in a large jacket, which is something you mentally mocked considering it was almost April.

you've definitely never seen her before, you turn to taehyung, "who the fuc-"

"annie!" he smiled and bows politely, leaving you in shock as you watched the two interact.

"long time no see" the girl giggled, almost obnoxiously

"we just saw eachother a few hours ago" he spoke

"it was a joke, taehyung" she laughed again, peaking over his shoulder to look at me. in that moment I could have sworn I felt her cold eyes burning into my skin.

"Hello, who is this?" she smiled and tapped tae's arm.

"Oh, thats y/n. shes my roommate" tae grinned at you and returned his eyes back at Annie.

roommate? thats all? no best friend since we were in diapers? You think you know a guy.

"Hi, Im annie. Taehyung and I go way back, and by that I mean we just met today." she smirked, tae laughing and adding on "In art class"

"oh" you nodded, feeling awkward all of a sudden. "nice to meet you" you bowed and turned to your grocery list, trying to seem busy as they continued their talking.

"I really liked your art" tae murmured, "it really feels like it goes beyond the surface" you roll your eyes and turn back, watching them.

"oh that means so much, thank you." she blushed.

SHE BLUSHED?

"you know, I have a Instagram account for my art....if you wanna follow?" Annie looked up with hopeful eyes, which tae reacted to by pulling his phone out and receiving the username.

seriously....who is this bitch?

"not to interrupt, but I have to get shopping now, we still need to go to the clothing store." you spoke, only facing tae.

"ok" he smiled and said his goodbyes to the girl, waving like a little kid before he caught back up with you.

"shes nice-"

"yah im sure, can we hurry?" you cut him off, watching his eyebrows scrunch before nodding.

-

Taehyung fiddled with the nearby clothing racks while he waited for you to get out of the dressing room. He never liked to go shopping, but when he went with you he always found it somewhat amusing, unless it was clothes shopping.

He paced slowly before knocking on the door. "are you almost done" he whispered, eyes looking around at nearby people.

"tae" you breathed out, "for the 3rd time, I will be out in a few, be patient." you spoke, aggravated.

he pouted and finally sat on the bench, tapping his feet while playing a game on his phone.

once you opened the door, you couldn't help but giggle at the sight. Like a kid waiting for his mom, he was funny without even knowing it.

"ok, how does it look?" you asked, grabbing his attention to the light brown sweater paired with a black mini skirt. It wasn't too special but it was nice, and it looked professional.

Tae looked up, eyes tracing over you entirely before gathering his words to speak. "uh....wow, you look really good" he nodded and stood up.

"are you sure? the skirt isnt too short, right?"

somewhere in his mind he wanted to make a joke and tell you it wasn't short enough, but he decided against it.

he shook his head. "you look beautiful."

you looked at him looking at you through the mirror as a wave of chills ran through your body.

he came up and carefully felt the fabric of the sweater, the feeling of his hand on you immediately made you flinch and pull away.

ah yes, the thought of physical touch. Something which disgusted you recently.

He frowned and before he could respond you went back to change into your regular clothes so you could purchase and leave.

Once you two were in the car, Tae had offered to stop and get you something to eat, you declined politely while he got himself a sandwich.

You felt bad considering you probably made him feel like he did something wrong, he didn’t. Taehyung wasnt the problem, you were.

The two of you quietly brought in the groceries, setting them on the counter. You began to put things away as you felt taehyungs eyes watching you. “What?” You exhaled, opening the fridge without even turning to direct your voice to him.

“Are you ok?”

“Why wouldnt I be?”

He blinked a few times while his fingers absent mindendly began to pick at his lower lip.

“Don’t do that” you spoke, watching him tuck his hands behind his back.

“It’s nothing I’m just, always checking in. You are my....friend. And I want you to be ok” he spoke as if he was unsure.

You jokingly scoffed and shook your head. “I’m ok Tae, i promise” you turned to him finally and offered a fake smile, something he saw right through but decided against speaking on it.

You heard him sigh before he walked back to head to his room. “I’m gonna shower”

“Ok” you mumbled and finished unpacking the groceries before taking your clothes and heading to your own room.

-

The clock read 6:40, that meant you and taehyung had to be dressed and ready to go in 20 minutes.

Taehyung decided to just slip on a button up shirt and dress pants, it’s his parents and he doesn’t feel too keen on trying to impress the people who always tell him he’s making the wrong choices.

He brushed his hair, mentally noting how long it’s gotten since the last time he let you cut it. His bangs lightly framed against his face as he sprayed cologne on, leaving the room to knock at your door. “Almost ready? Mom texted, she will be here a few minutes early?” He walked over to the hall to grab his coat off the rack, returning to hear your answer.

“Im doing my makeup!” You responded, careful with the mascara wand because you didn’t want to get it on anything other than your lashes. You quickly brushed your hair, clipping your bangs to the side while fluffing up the ends. You look over yourself, praising yourself for making the right clothing decision, it matched perfectly with your lipstick. You sprayed perfume on, the aroma filling your bathroom as you slipped a pair of small black heels on, making your way to the living room.

You had left your phone out on the kitchen counter while you got ready, something taehyung noticed when he stepping into the kitchen to fill Yeontans water bowl.

Your screen suddenly lit up with a text from kaito:

Kai: hey, still feeling sick? My sister made soup and if you want I can run by and drop some off. If it’s ok i might leave it at the door, i dont really care to run into taehyung.

Taehyung scrunched his nose, scoffing and moving closer to your phone. He was highly confused by the text, turning around and finishing his task.

“Im readyyy” you sung and hopped into the kitchen. Taehyung almost dropped the water bowl right onto the floor.

There you were, black tights , miniskirt, hair curled, all put together with red lipstick.

He swallowed hard, clearing his throat before speaking. “Well then.....”

“Do I look good?” You asked, looking down at your outfit.

“You look even more beautiful than you did in the store today” he looked at the bowl as he tried to speak nonchalantly, despite the fact his heart was racing.

How’s he supposed to suppress his feelings when you are standing there looking like THAT

“You look very handsome, Tae. You always do” you nodded, hoping he didn’t see the way your cheeks burned with blush.

You didn’t always get complimented, it wasn’t like you tried to fish for it either, but considering you have to pull a single “you look nice” out of your boyfriend when taehyung gives them for free is kind of ridiculous.

“Do I?” He teased

“Mhm” you smiled and brushed your hand through his hair quickly. “I like when you don’t use gel, the fluffy look is cute” you laughed and walked towards the door as taehyung put yeontan in his play gate.

He grinned to himself, knowing he will never use that gel again.

-

Once you two stepped out into the hall, he walked up to you and itched the back of his head.

“So, not to pry or anything, but your phone was left on the counter and I saw that um...kaito texted. He mentioned something about you being sick?”

Your eyes shot wide open, pulling your phone from your purse to look at the said message.

“If you weren’t feeling good you didn’t have to come” He shyly spoke, watching as you waved your hand at him.

“Tae, i lied” you smile, “I just wasn’t up for hanging out with him today.” You add.

“Oh....how come?”

You shrug, looking at him. “I don’t know.”

He looked down at his feet while you two made way towards the elevator. “Also, sorry that you saw him say that about you. He takes things super seriously” you scoff.

“It’s fine, It’s not my priority for him to like me” he spoke, pressing the button once you two stepped in. “Besides, Im the one who gets to hang with you today, so I win” he joked, allowing you to laugh softly and poke his arm.

It was nice to have some normalcy between you both, the past few weeks have been crazy and there’s been a lot of emotions, but it finally feels like things are getting back to the way they used to be.

“Ok so mom said her and dad would be right over here” he spoke as he looked at his phone, then looked up to the curb once you were outside. Your eyes peered around, there was no car yet.

“I guess we can just wait.” He put his phone away and looked around at the people on the street, something you began to join him in doing.

You both happened to catch someone dancing, making you both giggle. Your eyes then darted to an older couple crossing the street, arms linked sweetly. You nudged taes arm, grabbing his attention and whispering “look, it’s you and Annie in the future”

He immediately scoffed once he saw what you were referring to. “Ok I knew you were gonna make fun of me for that!” He whined and shyly walked away.

You began to laugh and ran up to him. “It’s not like that” he began. “Yet” you added on, watching him stop walking and turn to you.

“Ah i see...you are jealous.” He smirked.

“What?? No!! Im not j-...why would you-...what!” You stutter, watching him begin to say something before a car horn knocks you both out of the conversation.

“Hello!!” You see taehyungs mother waving her hand out the window, his father in the drivers seat as they pulled up to the curb. You bowed immediately once you got close, greeting them.

“Hello Mr and Mrs. Kim, it’s been a while, I missed you” you spoke sweetly,

“Ah y/n! It’s nice to see you again sweetheart” his mother kindly spoke

“Hi mom, dad.” Taehyung mumbled, his previously cocky state taking a more shy one.

“My son” his mom gripped his face and squished his cheeks. “Still chubby, good. You are finally eating more”

“Stop” he whispered, checking out of the corner of his eye to make sure you weren’t watching, glad you had been conversing with his father in that moment.

“Ok let’s go!” She cheered, ushering you both into the back seat before telling her husband what restaurant to go to.

they had initially wanted to come over so you could cook for them, but taehyung suggested a newer French restaurant nearby he swore they needed to try. You laughed at his obvious attempt to impress them.

The two of you squished together in the back seat, moving your body closer to the window as the air suddenly left the car. “You look lovely, y/n” taes father complimented. “Thank you Mr.Kim! You and your wife look very nice as well”

“How’s college, dear?” You turned your attention to his mom, who wasted no time digging into details about your life.

“Uhm it’s okay, lots of classes” you smile, watching her nod. “Still majoring in theatre?”

“Of course”

She clicked her tongue playfully, choosing to not make a comment against your choice of career...or lack of.

You silently praise the fact the drive to the restaurant was quick, allowing you time to climb out and avoid the conversation.

“This place is nice” you whisper to Tae, watching him nod. “We don’t belong here” you chuckled, making him laugh as well.

Taehyungs parents join arms before stepping in, Tae moving beside you to mimic their movement, making you blush lightly.

The waiter quickly checks your reservations and moves you to a relatively quiet room with a table by the window, just how you liked.

Once you had all sat and ordered your dishes, the room for conversations opened up.

“Your Hair is getting too long taehyung, why don’t you trim it” his father mentioned as he sipped his wine.

“Ah I know, i usually let y/n trim, but she’s been busy.” He teased, looking at you.

“Busy? With what? Certainly not a job” his mother mumbles as he takes her jacket off and sets it to the side.

“Mom...” he whispered, embarrassed for the way his Parents feel like they can talk about you as if you are their own child.

“Im just out and about, i have school and I’m with my boyfriend a lot” you spoke up

His moms head turned up as you talked, seeming suddenly interested.

“Boyfriend?” She laughed

“Mhm” you nodded

She turned to her husband and raised her eyebrows, both sharing a confused glance.

“What?” Taehyung asks, following their exchange

“Oh it’s nothing, we just...” she shrugged at her son, turning her attention back to you. “We had dinner with your parents a few days ago and we were discussing you both”

“Okay...” you half smiled, wondering what your own parents had said about you.

“And we just talked about like the pictures you guys post online...and we assumed, well, more like got the impression, that you two were together?” His mom admits.

You and taehyung both look blankly at them, silent staring before turning to eachother.

“It’s not a bad thing, your parents and us always said you would both end up together” his father laughed.

“Right, so Im suprised you are dating someone else” his mom inquired

“Starting the night off strong I see” you whispered to yourself, growing embarrassed at this conversation.

The older woman continued to ask questions. “Is it a serious relationship? Doesn’t he care you are living with another man?”

You took a sip of your water, clearing your throat. “Well...we’ve only been together for a little while, and yeah he does but not too muc-“

“It won’t last” his father cuts in casually, “young relationships like that come and go”

You didn’t know what else to do but nod and shove a piece of bread into your mouth.

His mother sighed and took a sip of her wine, “Ah your mother and father will be disappointed at the news” she laughed lightly.

“It’s not disappointing, you guys can’t just assume things” Tae added, stepping up for you as you drowned yourself in gluten.

“Well it is disappointing. We are getting older and you know, we don’t visit as much. I’m reaching the age where I’m ready to be a grandma” his mom adds, making you choke on your food.

“Are you ok?” His father asks, watching you chug your water more.

“Yup! So good! So ok!”

Taehyung seems embarrassed himself, you felt bad for him too. “Mom, y/n and I are just friends and we always have been, there is nothing like that in our future” he brushed off the pain in his chest as he defended you.

You looked at Tae for a moment before looking down and playing with your napkin.

“Sad” she responded, looking up as the waiter came over, delivering the food to each person.

“Thank you” you spoke, finally happy that your pasta had arrived. Tae laughed to himself, of course you’d get pasta at a French restaurant.

It remained quiet for the first few minutes while you all indulged in your meals.

Taehyung looked up from his plate, trying to find something to say.

“Hows everything for you guys? Everyone at home all good?” He asked softly, taking a sip of his Diet Coke.

His mother nodded, “everything is good, your father and I redid the kitchen, and we even cleared out the attic, turning it into a guest room”

“Oh that’s nice” he smiled.

“So you guys can come visit if you ever wanted to” his father added, making you smile.

“Yes that sounds fun” you replied “it’ll be hard to plan something with mr workaholic over here” you joke, nudging Tae.

“Speaking of that, how is work?” His father asks, taking a bite of his dish.

“It’s going well, I mostly work from home, but I’m doing extra hours next week so..” he nodded.

“Working from home? That must be nice, i dont see why you can’t take some college classes from home at least”

You sigh at the conversation once again taking another rude turn. You love the kims, but it’s impossible to talk to them.

“Actually, he is taking a college course” you smile, Turing to Tae to see a mortified expression.“What?” His mother perks up.

“He just did his first class today, it’s an art class, you know, painting and stuff” you smile sincerely. “Art....” his father snickers. You felt taehyungs leg kick against yours, obviously this wasn’t something he wanted to be said. You instantly regretted trying to make him look good the moment his mother commented.

“Ah taehyung you go through life thinking your doing good things but where will an art class get you huh? I worry about you so much...” she sighed and put her fork down.

“When will you take your life seriously? You are 23! I had a kid at your age and was married” She added on, taehyung now scraping his fork against a piece of meat as he avoided eye contact.

This is almost identical to the last time we had all met up, when Tae dropped the bomb of dropping out of college. You hoped this time would be better, but unfortunately, thanks to you, it is possibly even worse.

“It’s just for fun....” you mumble, turning your eyes to see Tae looking at his shoes, tears at the brim of his eyes while he has yet to speak.

“Thats the problem y/n, his whole life is fun, no work, no discipline. And I can’t say different for you.” His father spoke,

“I mean who goes to college and decides to do something as risky as theatre? Unless you plan on being an award winning actress it’s going to get you nowhere.” He sighed, “you two live in fantasy world”

“It’s time to grow up” his mother added, finishing her food.

You felt a hole in your stomach, it was guilt, pure guilt. You didn’t mean to ignite this, not here and not now, when we were supposed to be having fun.

Taehyung shook his head and laughed, taking your glass of wine and gulping it down in a few sips, his face scrunching up before standing and exiting outside. You watch as he goes, standing to grab the left behind jacket and phone. “You’re just going to leave?” His mother questioned, making you shrug. “This wasn’t how dinner was supposed to go, i apologize” you mumble, “we will meet up again before you guys head home, ok?” You add, chasing after taehyung.

You find him outside of the restaurant, sitting a few steps away on a staircase.

“Tae...”

You walk closer, standing in front of him.

“I thought you quit” you speak quietly, gesturing towards the cigarette in his mouth.

He doesn’t reply, rather simply glares at you before turning his head and exhailing the smoke. “Look Im sorry, I didn’t mean to expose anything, I feel awful” you reach to put your hand on his shoulder, he shudders and scooches away. “You have a way of making me look like a fool, y/n” he smiles, looking at the cars driving by.

You breathe, watching him articulate his thoughts. “You think I’m incapable of reading books you like” he began to list. “You think that my job is dumb, you think the art class is stupid.” He laughed to himself and shook his head. “You think I’m a complete loser and could never possibly understand what it takes to be smart or successful”

“Thats not fucking true taehyung, stop it” you mutter, feeling like you were slapped. “See, you are doing it right now. You feel like you need to tell me how to act, how to feel. You embarrass me and make me the fool” he began to wipe at his cheek, standing up and walking past you as he spoke.

“You and Kaito must have a blast making fun of how dumb I am” he smiled and exhaled more smoke, looking at you. “You are acting immature, it’s not funny” you spoke sternly. “Oh but it is funny, y/n, because I don’t care anymore. I don’t care about trying so hard to impress you, or being smart like you, or impressing my own parents” he stopped in his tracks as you glared at him.

“You focus on your little life, ok? Focus on college, focus on eventually graduating, focus on your friends, kaito, and hiding hickies because that’s what you do best apparently” he scoffed and put out his cigarette, grabbing the jacket from your hands and walking towards the direction of your apartment.

You are left in nothing but shock, once again, as he leaves you in a speechless position. You take back what you said earlier about you both returning to normalcy, because apparently you take one step forward and 20 fucking steps back with each day that passes. You couldn’t help but wipe the tears that fell from your eyes as you began to walk back to the apartment as well, taehyung now out of your vision completely.

Everything recently in your life has gone so down hill, and you can’t blame anyone else but yourself. Word of advice for anyone listening: don’t live with your best friend then decide to add benefits and grow super attached, break said situation while also pursuing a new relationship with someone else.

It will fuck you up.

A/N: whew.....

@turnthepageandbeburnt @taebangtanbabe @kthstrawberryshortcake-main

[kapi-tanka]

what do you think about arcade gannons father? do you have any headcanons or just thoughts in general? i've seen your posts about his mother so yk just curious

sorry it took so long to answer! actually i had a similar conversation with my mutual not so long ago so i'll just copy my discord messages if it's okay with you lol... i don't know what else to add. at first i wanted to write a separate answer to your question but i guess there's no point in repeating myself in slightly different words also sorry to any marxists who get to read this. my understanding of politics is still far from confident but i try to educate myself as much as i can. TEXT VERSION UNDER THE CUT

omg i'm by no means an authority but i really appreciate it!! hmm but what are you interested in exactly? i think i've covered my headcanons on arcade's mom pretty well in one of my comics but his dad's still a bit mystical figure to me. but i have a couple of headcanons based on info from the ttrpg fallout game where arcade was josh sawyer's player character. like, i headcanon his name as mark because it was his name in the ttrpg (and i feel like some people do that too) and it seems that he knew some latin or at least a couple of latin phrases (and maybe mark even was the reason why arcade learned latin later, that and his medical education). and since cannibal johnson says that arcade reminds him of gannon sr. i feel like he was a pretty educated person too. and it may be a bit weird/hard to explain/very post-soviet of me and i'm not sure if it's even a thing in other countries/regions but i've always read gannons (or at least mrs gannon) as "intelligentsia" (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Intelligentsia). basically, a social class of the "minds" of the state who were privileged enough to get good education and, therefore, important positions in the state, primarily in science/arts/education (it's not a separate class actually, they mostly were bourgeoisie/petite bourgeoisie or on the border with the working class). education was almost inherited in such families because "intelligents" gravitated towards each other and subconsciously taught their kids the same ideals/automatically gave them some of their cultural capital. so yeah, it was pretty elitist in its core but intelligentsia was generally very politically conscious (because they had opportunities to learn in-depth theoretical politics and not only the propaganda for the working class). i obviously oversimplify it and all of this was much much more nuanced and complex, but i hope it still makes some sense and we have very tragic associations with intelligentsia here because when the soviet regime started to shoot itself in the leg intelligentsia was the first to leave the country/be imprisoned/executed/repressed in many other ways. because, again, they were educated enough to critique the state in "dangerous" ways (and many intellectuals helped to shape the communist revolution in the beginning so their importance was originally in this ability to provide state criticism). i know that the enclave is nothing like the ussr in terms of their politics and roots but i feel like similar social classes form in other secluded states too (and something similar even happened to veronica in the brotherhood so. yeah). and i feel like the enclave went through the same process of staling within itself due to lack of contact with the outside world soooo its policies became more and more right-wing with time. and gannons were somewhat oppositional even before mark's death and mrs gannon's parting with the enclave. like, we know that cannibal johnson was openly anti-enclave and even sabotaged his missions. and also cannibal johnson says the nicest things about arcade's father so i think that they had to share political views at least in some way. but mark gannon has to be much more complex than this, not all sugar and candy of course. i feel like he went through a "going anti-state" arc and was much more right-wing in the beginning of his military career and before meeting his wife (also i headcanon her name as daniela because "daniel" was originally arcade's middle name) sorry for the wall of text!!! i can elaborate on anything (also lol. it reads as very anti-communist but i didn't intend it that way. i'm an anarcho-communist myself but i think it's important to talk about war crimes of any failed regime, especially the one you want to work properly in the future)

yes same!! honestly i don't think arcade remembers him well. because everything arcade says sounds more like something other people told arcade?? and in my headcanon he internalized his mother's and other remnants' sentiments and opinions to a point of having fake memories about his dad (but i think it was mostly the remnants who formed this conflict, i see his mother as a silent and a bit avoidant type because she never told him what happened to mr gannon). i still can't figure out my own timeline for arcade's childhood but i thiiiink they left navarro when he was around 5-6 years old cuz arcade says in one of his quotes that he had to hide his association with the enclave for 30 years. plus i believe that he said something about moreno living half of his life on the wastelands already but still grieving the enclave

i think mark was mostly busy with missions to spend any time with arcade. but i don't see him as a particularly bad father, just a busy kind

like, maybe they've had so little time together that arcade remembered some moments very vividly but overthinked them? sometimes memories become foggy because you spin them in your head for too long. for some reason i feel like this happened to almost every arcade's memory of mark