#not sorry im autistic and this is like. very important to me
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for anyone who doesn't care:
Balloonfest '86 or Balloonfest of September 27, 1986 was an event that happened in Cleveland, Ohio. It was a publicity stunt that doubled as a fundraiser for United Way. It was 250 ft x 150 ft and it was over 1.5 MILLION balloons in a woven net that held it all together.
The point of it was to get the world record for most balloons released at once, to surpass Disney, who'd won it the year prior.
The balloons rose and got hit with some cold air and rain, causing them to, still inflated, rain down on the city, even drifting over Lake Eerie and clogging waterways in CANADA. People were crashing cause the balloons were falling in the roads cause people to swerve. Two fishermen who went out the previous day (Sept. 26) and never came back, their families reported them missing. The deflated balloons had made it impossible for helicopters and the Coast Guard to find anyone, describing the scene as an "asteroid field" of balloons.
On the 29th, their bodies washed up on shore, and the wife of one sued United Way for $3.5 million (settled on undisclosed terms).
Some horses were startled and resulted in permanent injuries, the owner sued United Way for $100,00 (settled on undisclosed terms).
In the end, the fundraiser lost money (cost overruns) and Guinness, although acknowledging that it won the world record, did not add it to the books due to the environmental damages and no longer adds environmentally dangerous acts such as Balloon releases.
#long post#not sorry im autistic and this is like. very important to me#happy 36 years since Balloonfest '86!#keep talkin miles#death mention#animal injury mention#mileskore
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being an adult means we can buy or make as much self-indulgent shit (as we can afford) and unironically have trinkets of our fave things cause our teen years was bullied for liking things and hiding/denying we were ever neurodivergent to the point of suicide. sucks for anyone that thinks its weird cringe but I'm going to try and allow myself to love myself in little ways now
#wish i could tell younger me that i wasnt fucked up i was just autistic#even if youre not nd i still think having things you enjoy around you is important especially for your space#so i make a notable effort to get fandom stuff for my younger siblings now#like my lil sister thinks getting demon slayer stuff is cringe cause anime and what not (havent read it sorry)#but her face still lights up when i get her a pin for her#or a blind bag with a character keychain#and very slowly the self hatred and whatever it feels like that youre not allowed to like anything and that anything you like is bad#starts to diminish#my qpp is obsessed with birds and chickens and has so many trinkets around the house for it#or my friend who loves how pretty stained glass looks that his walls are covered in thrifted stain glass pieces#i know an elderly couple who are obsessed with star trek and they have a room in the house purely for shelves stacked with collectables#my friend's dad is so obsessed with spiderman that he has 3 walls full of figurines and posters and collectables that prob amoutn to tons#like i dont get it but i get it#maybe its because im sick rn but im in my head tonight about human loving things and stories and cocepts to the point of comfort#sara shush#ramble
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started a group therapy program yesterday and so many times when the therapists were talking about self-compassion and emotional regulation i thought “hey i learned this from mob psycho”
#thats why i will recommend this series up and down for any of my autistic or mentally ill friends#everyone should watch it really#but like….. as an autistic bpd haver seeing shigeo’s entire character arc was very therapeutic to me#and all the advice reigen gives#so peak#whenever my thoughts start getting really negative i think#‘would reigen be wanting me to think this way’#anyway#biggest mob kinnie till the day i die#sorry this rant has gone so many places none of them important#im just emotional right now#mob psycho 100#mp100
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im so serious that more rpgs need to just have a game full of offputting weirdos with their own individual diseases. it makes it SO fun
#twist rambles#sorry like. cohlune every disease haver its kind of insane to me.#♟#<- due to that being what i made the post about.#like cohlune (who is a king) goes not even remotely in disguise into the woods next to a weird cave meets the most autistic guy (shalvas)#and hes like wow ok cool. im gonna chastise you for ignoring my question and be gone after ur done fighting. but i think of u VERY highly.#shalvas does NTO realize hes a king. so is jsut like huh ok whatever. and then u do another mission in his kingdom and he has a soldier#fetch shalvas and bring him into talk. and cohlune is like hiii i think ur sooo cool and talented i spent over 1000g just to see you work.#and shalvas is over there like. oh. you have an important position in this kingdom (he cannot pick up any social cues to save his life. eve#tho his coworker was talking abt who cohlune was after the first mission in EARSHOT of shalvas). and cohlune just like brushes it off by#joking and keeps praising shalvas like crazy. also important to note that cohlune has a habit of faking falling asleep mid convo except we#are never really made clear IF its faking. but he can still hear shalvas and it makes shalvas so fucking confused when he pulls this shit.#hes literally such a fascinating guy to me.
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see I get its abt repression and letting that bury u alive but theres still time it doesnt have to be like this etc !! and it does that powerfully. but I've just. never been repressed or closeted in that specific kind of sense. dysphoria has never manifested like that for me... I kind of feel like social pressures esp gender related ones didn't exert the same force on me growing up that they did on a lot of ppl I know (and still don't now) bc I never fully understood them or was excluded for various reasons. but man. fucking rough for ppl who did/do still feel that way 💔
#just sitting trying to unpick how i feel abt the film cuz my alarm is out of battery so i gotta charge it before i sleep....#like i didnt have an easy time as a kid or teen and yeah i was still very much affected by social constructs n attitudes around me#but it was difficult in different ways.... i dont knowww. i do have my own repression but not in a way ive ever seen represented#or that other ppl seem to understand unless they have a similar set of experiences to me#just too autistic to get it LOL#ive always been myself even before i had the language to understand what that meant. n the resistance to my self expression hasnt ever#trumped my ability to express myself#i think this kind of relates to how like. ive never had the need to 'come out' like its never been important to me personally#and i can understand why it is for some ppl. but as soon as i found out what lesbianism was n saw myself in it that was that#and the same w realising my understanding of my gender was different like i just immediately incorporated it into my life#and yeah i havent 'come out' to my parents which used to be bc they were kinda homophobic but theyve grown n theyre not anymore#but i just dont need to like its not relevant to our relationship???#if i had a long term partner i would introduce them. and that would probably be the only way id explicitly acknowledge it to them#they likely already know by this point bc ive never made much of an effort to hide it n virtually everyone else has known for 8+ years#im not dependent on them anymore so it doesnt really matter if it damaged our relationship. like that would be on them if it did#sorry this sounds cold. idk ive never believed in unconditional familial love in my experience there are always conditions attached#i care abt them a lot dont get me wrong.. ah im explaining badly im so shattered....#my alarm is probably charged enough now so im gonna sleep now otherwise ill be getting less than 6 hrs sleep sigh..#im just rambling..... goooodnight muah#.diaries
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I wanna say one final thing about the Marina stuff that went down.
Seeing all the cool fan art that has sprouted due to what has been going on and people sharing their love and passion for Marina is absolutely incredible and reminds me of the importance of the character.
Marina as a character speaks to such a wide range of people and i think it's incredibly sweet and powerful stuff. This character and the culture she embodies is important to a ton of people and as a community, we should NEVER... EVERRRRR forget that!!!!
Marina is my second favourite Idol, i find a lot of relatablity in her despite my appearance looking absolutely NOTHING like her. It feels amazing to know that there is a HEAVILY autistic coded character out there who i can find some comfort in. Not the same kind of comfort as Callie, but different.
I really do love Marina, and I wish my brain would hyper focus on her instead of the magenta squid woman...
I hope we can move past this and learn how to treat people who look different from you much MUCH better. Although the Splatoon community can be very accepting of others and is genuinely one of the more kinder communities out there, it still has a really awful and down right racist side to it, that makes me sick to my stomach.
The stuff i saw about the situation involving Marina and her VA really pissed me off, and i felt so incredibly disappointed. I want this community to do better, and i want minorities to feel safe and comfortable here. It's not fucking fair man.
It's insane to me that the series that's an allegory for racism is full of racist individuals who freak out over seeing a person that isn't white and straight... UGHHHH! It makes so angry, SO. ANGRY. God forbid a woman has a darker tone of skin...
We got 4 idols based on Japanese culture and its different aspects in terms of Idol popstars, a Brazilian singer, an Indian performer, and a black octopus woman. Being racist and defending the act of white washing in a series full of diversity and representation is such vile shit and there is no place for you here, or anywhere else for that matter.
Im not even talking about the person who made that pale skin Marina art, they have said sorry and will focus on improving themselves, only time will tell if they do. But, the people who defended them and then got mad at others who crictised something as important as a character's skin tone... Fucking despicable behaviour.
I really wanna believe in good and hope that the Splatoon community can really grow from this and actually fully embody the messages the games have shown us. But so far, it seems like some of y'all haven't got the message drilled in your fucking heads.
If you freak out over two dark skinned fictional women like these girls right here, then I'm genuinely worried about how you act towards real-life women of colour.
Do better. Seriously. Get better at how you perceive others and really reflect on yourself and what you say towards people who look different than you.
#splatoon#splatoon marina#marina splatoon#alice peralta#controversy#racisim#race#rant post#ranting#angry#im upset#disappointed#frye onaga#frye splatoon#splatoon 3#black women#people of color#callie cuttlefish#callie splatoon#splatoon community#splatoon fandom
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Idk iif this counts as a vent or rant jus kinda want someone to know/maybe give advice so if u aren't comfy posting this then that's ok. Ur comfort is important and i won't be upset<33
I'm bisexual with a very big male pref, i love mlm love but im trans, autistic, and demi. So it feels as if that me experiencing mlm is a very low possibility. :( especially because I have a rlly bad social anxiety, too. And there isn't a lot of lgbtq+ guys in my city. :( I rarely meet new friends, let alone possible partners. :(the closest that I've came to a relationship is online friends but it never goes anywhere because they aren't good people. :( I feel like I'm missing out and the pressure is rlly heavy because I'm turning 16 this year but haven't even held hands with anyone romantically before. :(( I jus feel rlly lonely in a romantic sense, i wanna be able to have a loving teen mlm romance, mlm romance is so beautiful but because of my being trans, autistic, demi, and socially anxious, it feels like a very far fetched dream. :( I'm also really short, which may sound dumb but not many guys wanna date a 4'10 15 year old trans autistic demi guy. :(( idk jus want someone to know because im scared of judgement by telling anyone but this blog feels so welcoming and loving and supportive.
Ty for reading tho. Have a lovely day and remember to drink water. Ur loved<3
I’m sorry anon. Know that I love you and you are loved.
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Hi everypony!
My kofi is ko-fi.com/captainzigo if you enjoy my art, consider leaving me a tip! this is otherwise entirely a labor of love so,,,
you can also send a request with your tip! but if you choose to do so, please read the disclaimer later on in this post**
my non-art blog, where i accept asks is @snapewife-divorce-lawyer and my reblog-spam blog is @3amgaypotion also i am on bluesky: https://bsky.app/profile/captainzigo.bsky.social
that's a bunch of pictures of my oc(/ponysona) Prickly Pear. she's a cowgirl
Frequent/noteworthy questions below the break
**on donations made to me:
i still dont take commissions currently, but if you send a request with a donation, there's a 99% chance i'll do it. and that remaining 1% i'll probably just ask you for a different request. if you send me a request with a donation you are not sending me a commision. you are making a donation, and i might do you a favor as a result. you do not own the resulting art. and I am under no obligation to complete it or to do it in the way that you like. you do not need to make a donation in order to make a request. i talk more about it here
hello mutuals!
If you are a mutual, DM me for an invite to discord server and subsequently to minecraft server
on sending me asks:
any asks you send me should be like Strongbad emails. one paragraph. no attachments. unless you are sending me refs.
in any interactions, please keep in mind that i am a stranger on the internet and act accordingly.
unless I have explicitly said otherwise, you can safely assume that I do not count you amongst my friends. it is nothing personal, it is in fact the opposite.
why am i like this?
i am autistic. i say this because representation matters, but also because i would like to ask that you please be very frank with me. i don't even really need your patience. just say what you mean and we will get along fine.
can you draw my ocs?
you most certainly can draw any of my ocs. i'd love that acually. tag me
on (re)posting my art:
do not post my art on other platforms. do not repost my art period. I don't really exist on other platforms since i deleted Twitter. So if you see my stuff on other platforms, it's not me. except for my bluesky.
transformative works are obviously allowed, at least here in USamerica where i live. but if you want my blessing, please keep them SFW, and try to keep the spirit of the original artwork
is my blog SFW?
im in my twenties. i keep my blog SFW (as i define it) as a strict rule.
i do not consider the fact that sex exists, that some people enjoy it, or some innuendo to be NSFW. i also do not consider swearing, even as tho a sailor might, to be NSFW.
are NSFW interactions ok?
in short: no. while i have no aversion to to that sort of thing, and often actually enjoy it, i keep this blog SFW. the intention behind my art is to be SFW even when it might be skirting the line. in general, and especially, specifically with mlp, i do not wish to have NSFW interactions on the internet. please respect this boundary.
on shipping:
in my opinion, all romance real or fictional should be between people who are similar in age, doing age appropriate things, not closely related, and all with mutual consent. i am not interested in witnessing or interacting with anything outside of these parameters.
on my blue hair and pronouns:
i am a trans woman. i am also bisexual. i am also poly and demi since im listing things. i am out online becasue i know how important it is to know that you aren't alone.
do i take constructive criticism?
NO 🖕👹🖕 FUCK YOU!!!!!!! GET BLOCKED IDIOT!! unless you are a marginalized person who feels i have unintentionally made you uncomfortable somehow with my art or otherwise. in that case i am sorry and you do me a great favor by calling me out. OTHERWISE FUCK YOU DUMBASS IF YOU DONT LIKE MY ART GO DRAW YOUR OWN 🖕🖕🖕🖕
“i hate bronies”…
i don't necessarily hate you if you self identify with that label. i like to make myself off-putting to keep creeps away. i talk about it more in this post: https://www.tumblr.com/captainzigo/744131513208176640/when-i-say-i-hate-bronies-in-my-header-its
brony?
i don't hold a lot of nostalgia for old brony stuff. infact it's quite the opposite. i was a child when the show came out, and more than that i was a girl. i am not a brony.
do i like g5?
i like all generations of mip including the new stuff. gen 4 is just the one i grew up with
why is my header aurora, bori and alice from the best gift ever?
well that would be because i hate them like a mother hates a child. like the sun hates the moon. like sickly victorian child hates the slightest morsel of bread.
on flurryheart:
i often draw stuff about cozy glow x flurry heart. this is with the understanding that cozy glow spends about a decade turned to stone. nullifying the age gap.
🤓☝️ i think you mean effect, not affect
i am dyslexic. i spell stuff wrong all the time and i type weird. please don't bother correcting me. wooptydoo your brain is wired normally. sending you a medal.
on my username:
i've had the same username since i debuted on the internet. zigo is the name of an oc i made that i dont really talk much about anymore. zigo is a fine enough nickname, and at least one person calls me that irl.
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this is prob silly but i appreciate you being so candid about not interacting with much media (like film/tv/pop culture stuff). it's kind of hard to be on tumblr or really even exist if you're not able to interact with media but it's a big trigger for me so i just... can't. like, i've never had anyone understand that it's not a choice i'm making to be special/different/lazy i just have extreme and unhealthly reactions to most media, except some books and comics. which idk if that's how it is for you (its not my business or anything) but i've never felt seen/represented about it before so im thankful, yk?
i appreciate you for sending this! i don't find it silly at all
i think it's very good for you to acknowledge that you have an unhealthy relationship with most forms of media. i'm sorry that you're going through this, but consuming media is not a requirement nor is it something that you genuinely need for your mental health, so it's okay that that's how you feel. i appreciate this because it gives me a chance to talk about something that is important to me, but people struggle to understand why that is
my parents used to make fun of whatever i was watching or playing as a kid over my shoulder. i used to get relentlessly mocked every time i put on a show i liked or played a game in front of either of them. it caused me to have severe trauma for years where i couldn't watch or play anything around other people at all. i still don't like when people ask me to put on things that i do like for a big group. the stress i feel when other people don't enjoy it is not worth it. i'm still very uncomfortable doing this to this day
i've felt pretty alienated all my life due to this. it seems like now more than ever, media, especially fictional media, is so important to general modern culture that it creates a barrier between people who do and don't engage. and it's not like it's a passive thing, i have people get offended at me when i say i haven't seen a movie or TV show. not talking about anyone on here, or any anons i've answered about media! people have been kind and respectful here. but in my real life and in conversations with other people, i have genuinely been mocked or insulted because i don't engage with most television, movies, books and comics.
i've had people question my autism over this. when i've told people in the past that i do not engage with pop culture, fictional media and so on, i've had people actually say "but i thought you were autistic????" like it's genuinely frustrating that it seems like people have shifted to thinking that autistic people's special interests are always cartoons, games and TV shows. it worries me because at times it feels like people are turning the common definition of autism into Media Consumption Disorder. my special interests are queer history & culture, animals & nature, and medicine & psychology. i genuinely enjoy research, it's something i happily do for hours because it stimulates my brain and motivates me. it excites me just as much as i think fiction excites people who can enjoy it. it's more than okay for autistic people to have a piece of media as their special interest, i'm not saying that its not! but it frightens me that people seem to conflate "autistic" with "loves fictional media".
due to my DID, i can't remember plots. like at all. plots confuse the ever loving hell out of me because i can't keep track of what's going on. real life doesn't have a plot. science doesn't have a plot. i don't know if fully understand the point of a plot, honestly. expecting people to be able to remember such an absurd amount of information in order to figure out something that happens down the road or at the very end feels like a herculean task to me. i can't remember what happened to me 10 minutes ago, there's no way i'm remembering a tiny event that happened hours and hours and hours ago. scripted interactions feel so stiff and unnatural to me
people tell me i'm saying i don't know what they're talking about to "be an asshole". i used to have a best friend who got really into dungeons&dragons and it traumatized me for years because i got into at first, then quickly lost interest once i realized how boring actually playing the game is for me. my friend did NOT take it well. he continued to force me to play. if i would ask him to please change the conversation topic he would start insulting and berating me and telling me that i was pretending to not be interested anymore to be mean to him. he couldn't understand that i grew out of it. he never got any better with this, as he was obsessed with marvel films and would get super pissed off if i told him i had no interest or didn't know what to say to him. it was frustrating because i didn't have a choice whether or not i could like something. it was "if you don't like this, you're an asshole."
and it's not just him that's treated me that way. it's been most of my friends. for whatever reason, when you tell the average person that you haven't seen, or god forbid don't like a piece of media, they take it personally for... some reason. as if i said "no i don't watch that because that's bad" as opposed to what i actually say is "i don't know what that is" or "i haven't seen that". you would not believe how insecure people get when you tell them you don't like a piece of media they like. i'm not sure why people feel like their favorite media is an extension of themselves, but it's an unhealthy relationship. it's not healthy to get offended if your friend tells you they haven't seen a piece of media that you have.
i have aphantasia, which is the inability to picture things in my head. i don't get "sucked into" media like people with clearer mind's eyes do. i don't picture anything cool or epic or fun happening in my head because i can't. as a result, i don't get pulled into shows, i don't get invested in tabletop games, i don't really get that affected by the media that i watch because i am painfully aware that i'm staring at a pre-recorded and scripted show the entire time. i'm painfully aware that i'm staring at an actor in a costume i just cannot get immersed in most forms of media save for very rare video games but even then, i immediately stop thinking about it the second i'm done interacting with it
i just don't listen to music and that one baffles people as i'm punk. most music is just straight up overstimulating to me due to my autism. i'm not saying that music is bad, it just overstimulates the everloving hell out of me. most of the time it just hurts my ears or gives me a headache or triggers my misophonia, which results in me getting irrationally pissed off. it's not something i can control. i prefer to listen to nature sounds, very simple meditation music that is a few simple tones, or nothing at all. i actually enjoy silence. i enjoy not overloading my ears. i enjoy being alone with my own thoughts. i can't think when there's too much noise happening
video games are more enjoyable than anything else due to the interactive element, but that does not mean i am paying attention to the characters or the story. it's very rare that a game can actually make me get interested in the characters themselves. i'm just there for the gameplay. generally i prefer games like rollercoaster tycoon, tower unite and other games that don't have a plot at all and are strictly focused on gameplay. i have no idea how people memorize all the different characters and interactions and story beats in games that have an overarching plot.
it's a personal choice. you're allowed to choose what your hobbies and interests are. if pop culture stresses you out, you do not have to engage. i just straight up do not get pop culture references at all and i've had people laugh at me for it but i just really don't care, it's not what i'm interested in as a person. i feel like a lot of people aren't quite realizing that most popular media is made for profit, not to be something genuinely well written or entertaining. i'm not saying those things are bad but what i am saying is that it's a product meant to be consumed in order for you to help a generally huge company profit. there's very little soul and whimsy when it comes to most AAA games and big box office films. the artistic integrity is severely lacking
anyway, thank you for giving me a chance to talk about this more at length! it's why i'm just very honest about it because i'm not going to force myself to change my interests because some people find how i approach life strange, or take it personally. you're allowed to choose what you interact with and don't. you're allowed to define your own interests and hobbies. and i think you're doing a great thing by acknowledging that you have an unhealthy relationship with pop culture. a LOT of people do right now. it's manufactured to be addicting on purpose. binge watching things is encouraged and is becoming seen as a new norm. i don't think people like you or i deserve to be mocked for approaching life in ways that make sense to us. take care of yourself, i appreciate you!
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lover - p. parker
a/n: hi guys so sorry it's been a while i meant to finish this a million times and im still not thrilled with the ending but oh well! i want to make a quick note that as someone whose hard of hearing i am aware that being hoh/deaf has a lot of rheotric around it and there's a lot of positive associations with being hoh/deaf but reader in this fic is not always happy with being hoh because being deaf/hoh has a LOT of complciated emotions associated with it! just keep that in mind as we go forward. warnings: hoh!reader, cursing probably, suggestive behaviors, lots of kissing, lots of fluff, a poorly written ending, gn!reader, reader having a lot of complex emotions about their hearing, talks of weddings, and reader has a mom and a step dad who love them. AUTISTIC PETER BTW ITS ONLY MENTIONED ONCE BUT IT IS IMPORTANT TO ME word count: 4.0k summary: peter parker is quite literally the most amazing boyfriend ever. even when you realize you're hard of hearing. pairing: tasm!peter parker x hoh!reader now playing: lover - taylor swift "my heart's been borrowed and yours has been blue/all's well that ends well to end up with you/swear to be over-dramatic and true to my/lover"
Going to the grocery store is a nightmare.
Especially when you go on a Saturday in New York City, on a relatively nice day out.
You’re pushing the cart through the grocery store, trying to focus on what’s right in front of you as Peter comes up behind you, placing a box of cinnamon toast crunch in the bag before you check it off your list.
This is your system—Peter runs around grabbing your assorted groceries for the next two weeks as you check it off the list, then there is two people making sure you have all your groceries. This pretty much eliminates the possibility of having to run out to the store during the week.
And usually, you do this very early on Sunday mornings—Like, you and Peter are the first patrons at the store.
But you’re out of just a few things that are essential—Toothpaste, Milk, coffee—You pretty much just decided to get it out of the way for the next two weeks.
The problem now, is that you’re in this crowded store, full of people talking, machines beeping and carts wheeling.. You’re struggling to focus. That’s what you pass it off as, at least.
Peter’s hand lands gently on your arm as he says your name gently.
“Huh?” You tilt your head to look at him.
“I just wanted to know what was next on the list.” He smiles at you. You glance down at the list,
“Uh, Bread.” You tell him, planning on making grilled cheese and tomato soup for dinner.
“Okay, I’ll be right back.” He hums, pressing a kiss to the side of your head. You smile softly. You’re not the biggest fan of PDA but Peter can recognize when you’re feeling upset and just need a reminder of your worth.
A few minutes later, as you’re struggling to ground yourself in the middle of this Trader Joe’s, Peter spooks you when he comes up behind you, his hand resting on your upper arm.
“Fucking Christ—” You gasped, “You terrified me!”
“I’m sorry, Baby.” He says gently. “I called your name a few times, was yapping all the way down the aisle.”
“Oh..” Your face softens. You don’t really know how to say all the things you’re feeling.
“Hey, I’ll—I’ll finish up here, how bout you step outside for a few minutes? Wait for me by the carts?”
Your list is almost finished up so you nod, smiling gently before leaving the grocery store, finally getting some peace and quiet. You lean against the wall of the grocery store, watching people pass the grocery store. About twenty minutes later, Peter walks out of the grocery store, holding your grocery bags. He hands you two bags but carries about four. Your boyfriend is Spider-man, and as much as you hate taking advantage of that.. You can’t’ deny how nice his strength is for situations like this.
He shifts the bags around to pull two candy bars out of his pocket—
A Snickers for him, and a standard Hershey bar for you.
You eat your candy as you make the short trip home, not saying much. The candy bar helps, but this looming truth lingers in the air, and you don’t want to be the one to say anything about it. So the pair of you make your way into the apartment, putting away your groceries wordlessly. But in the quiet of your apartment, you stop, suddenly plagued with a new trouble.
“My ears are ringing.”
“What?” It’s not something he’s asking because he did not hear you, but the statement catches him off guard.
“My ears are ringing.” You repeat. He gently takes the oranges out of your hands, scared that you might dig your fingers into them and destroy them half an hour after he picked them out.
“Okay,” he says softly, putting them to the side. “Why don’t you go sit down in the living room while I make some tea and put the groceries away?” He gently prods. Too busy wanting to literally claw off your own ears, you nod and head over to your couch.
Peter’s by your side a few minutes later with a mug of tea on the coffee table. However, it goes quickly forgotten as you climb on top of him, cuddling into him. His hands rub your back gently. You sit like this for a while, until he decides to ask—
“How long have you had trouble with your hearing?” His voice is soft. You reflect for a little while, before responding with a soft,
“A long time, now..” You remember being a teenager and having trouble hearing your friends in the lunchroom and lectures being a nightmare during college. “I think I’ve been just ignoring it for a few years..”
He had a feeling that’s what your answer would have been—you’re rather in tune with yourself, and something like this would’ve been something you picked up on a long time ago. But he doesn’t blame you for ignoring something like this.
“You know we should probably go to an audiologist, right?” He asks.
“Yeah, I know..” You sigh, cuddling into him further, as if you can hide away from the entire world.
“I’ll take you,” he says gently, not wanting you to worry about going alone or being anxious. You’ll be anxious anyways, but maybe he could help. And he will help, his fingers always brushing against your skin, making sure you remember that he’s there and not going anywhere. It’s the best way he can help-- By making sure you’re not alone.
“Thanks..” Your voice breaks, and he frowns, his hand coming to find your cheek, pulling you into his view. The sight of you crying makes his heart squeeze.
“What’s the matter, baby?” He asks softly, his thumb wiping your tears.
“I don’t..” You bite your lip, trying to form the words. You’re not an idiot. You have done some research on Deaf culture. You knew that it was an enhancement, something to be proud of. And that was phenomenal—You had done a lot of courses in college on disability rhetoric, and you knew how important it was to reinforce positive associations with disabilities, as well as the fact that most deaf and hard of hearing people did not consider themselves disabled.
And all that pride lived inside of you—But you couldn’t help your struggle about the subject. It would take time to adjust to, and Peter.. Peter deserved an easy life. He was Spider-Man for Christ’s sake!
“I don’t want you to have to worry about me if it turns out I do have trouble hearing. I don’t want to be a burden to you.”
He frowns at this, tilting his head.
“Hey,” he tilts his head, looking at you with admiration. “Did you know when I was adopted by my aunt and uncle they told them I would be a challenge to raise? That my autism and lack of social skills would make me.. harder to love..?”
“You’re not hard to love.” You immediately say, and he smiles.
“I know. My aunt and uncle proved that to me, they went into raising me knowing that I would just have different struggles as other kids my age. Even if you are heard of hearing or deaf—You’re not hard to love. You just have different experiences and struggles from other people our age. But that doesn’t mean I don’t want every part of that journey.” He leans forward and places a kiss on your forehead. It makes you smile a bit. “Now, no more tears. Let’s watch a movie, and we’ll start our research tomorrow, okay?” He hums.
You nod and grab the throw blanket behind him, pulling it across the pair of you as he grabs the remote and turns on your favorite movie. His hands stay on you, rubbing comforting patterns into your skin.
He turns the subtitles on without you asking.
• • •
The audiologist office has lights that are too bright. You and Peter sit side by side, as you look around at the other patients. Your chest tightens as you realize you are surrounded by people in their 70’s and 80’s—Except for you, a twenty something year old, a young boy, around seven, and a teenage girl. You all share similar looks of discomfort, but in your anxiety, you notice that there’s a sense of.. familiarity in seeing people your age here.
You decide to put a pin in your thoughts, as Peter’s hand finds your thigh, and you glance back over to him. In the past two weeks, He’s been giving more physical cues to get your attention, a small way he’s trying to make you feel more comfortable.
“Stop bouncing your leg,” he says softly, “You’re just working yourself up.” He says gently. You nod, and then your name is called, so you gather your things, and before you go, Peter grabs your wrist, before throwing up the sign in ASL for ‘I love you’. You grin and throw it back, before following the nurse into the back.
Peter waits, for around half an hour, making sure not to draw too much attention to himself. He makes pleasant conversation with two of the older ladies who are there, after finding out that they all grew up in Queens.
After that half hour, you come back out of the back rooms of the office, and Peter grins at you as he says a quick, respectful goodbye to the two older women, before handing you your jacket.
The pair of you stay quiet until you’re out of the office, and only when you’re a few steps away does he slip his jacket on before asking,
“How’d it go?” And with this, he clumsily signs along. The pair of you have been practicing ASL—Short phrases here and there.
You hesitate for an answer, going into your bag and fishing out a small ASL dictionary. Inside, in his sort of messy handwriting, Peter has written you a note that you take a glance at every time you open it. It reads, ‘Don’t forget I love you’, and it never fails to make you smile.
Another challenge you’ve been facing in your journey to learn ASL is your facial expressions—You’ve never been good at properly matching your face to your emotions or words, so it’s been a struggle.
“Fine,” You speak and sign. Then you pause. “Actually, not fine.” You sign, and then you drop the signing, because you’re only a beginner. “It’s sort of what we expected—My hearing is.. bad, and will probably get worse as I age.” His hand finds yours.
“Okay.. What did he say about hearing aids?”
“That If I felt like I needed them to schedule a follow-up.” You tell him. “But they’re expensive and I’ll need to do research to see what sort of health insurance coverage I have.”
He nods gently, his thumb rubbing your knuckles gently.
“Well, we’re gonna cross that bridge when we get there, yeah?”
“Yeah.”
He throws up the sign for ‘I love you’. You throw it back. And it might seem stupid, but every time Peter holds up that sign, your heart melts a little bit. Maybe it’s a low bar or something like that—And it’s true. But Peter is learning a whole new language for the sake of making sure you’re comfortable and for your comfort. No one has ever done anything close to that for you.
• • •
Peter has become in tune with your body. Which is a weird way to say it, but it’s true. Those heightened senses of his come in handy, and mostly, he watches for tension in your shoulders and your jaw, perfect indicators that your ears hurt.
Usually, it’s this painful ringing, and usually, Peter just tries to make you as cozy as possible while you ride that out.
But tonight, you’re at a family party, celebrating your sister’s birthday. She’s getting married in a few months, and she’s been so busy with that you haven’t seen a lot of her. Peter holds your gift for her in one hand, and your hand in his with the other.
The party goes well for the most part, you’re just relaxing and hanging out with your family. It’s a nice party, and you’re grateful for your entire family. Your mom holds your nephew in her lap, your sister laughs with your aunts and her fiancé, and your brother and uncle are yapping about some football game.
You, Peter, and your stepdad stand in the kitchen, talking about all sorts of things. Your sister’s wedding, the cruise he just took your mom on, Peter’s recent promotion, and of course..
“Have you considered hearing aids?” Your stepdad asks.
“Yeah, they’re just.. expensive.” You laugh, nervously.
Your stepdad gently taps his own ears, “Well, you’d be part of an elite club.” He grins.
You roll your eyes playfully, before your attention is grabbed by a tugging on the leg of your pants. You glance down, and see your young nephew, gazing up at you with wide eyes.
“What can I do for you, little man?” You ask, a hand coming up to brush hair from his face. He says something you can’t quite make out, so you put your drink on the counter and crouch down to hear him properly, tapping right below your ear, “One more time, bud.”
“Can Peter come play?” He asks, still a little shy around the man you’ve been dating for a while now. You grin and nod,
“Of course he can.” You glance up to Peter, then to your nephew. “What do you wanna play?”
“Dinosaurs.” He requests. So, you pick him up and turn to Peter.
“Peter, our friend here would like to play dinosaurs with you.” You grin.
The way your hair falls into place, the way you hold your nephew close, the way your smile pinches your eyes together.. Peter wishes he could freeze this moment forever because you look perfect.
“Dinosaurs?” he repeats, before grabbing your nephew from you, and then positioning him so that he’s riding on Peter’s back. “Dude, I love dinosaurs!” that’s the last thing you can make out as Peter carries him off to the living room to play dinosaurs. You watch with an affectionate smile, taking small sips of your drink.
“So… Nice kid..” Your mom says as she walks into the kitchen.
You assume she’s talking about your nephew, so you shrug, “He is a good kid.”
“No, I’m talking about Peter.” Your face flushes as you realize where this is going.
“What about Peter?” You hum, looking over to her.
“I’m just saying, I think—”
“You two are gross together.” Your stepdad chimes in, but there’s no malice behind his comment. In fact, you only laugh because it’s something you used to say to them when they started dating.
“Yeah, I know,” You hum. “I really love him.” You confess, before shrugging.
“You know, with your sister’s wedding coming up, I’ve been thinking a lot about—” Your face flushes, as you finish your drink.
“When Peter and I are ready to get married, you two will be the first to know.”
“Oh, so you do wanna marry him.” Your mom smiles. Your face is warmer now.
“I’m gonna go mingle, you two should try minding your own business.”
You find Peter rather quickly, and he just smirks at you, before signing, ‘Talking about marriage?’
You roll your eyes, signing back, ‘Shut up.’ He just puckers his lips and blows a kiss at you. He wants to marry you too.
• • •
After dinner and cake, you sit in your old bedroom, rubbing your ears as you try and come up with an excuse to leave.
Peter finds you a few minutes later and sits next to you on your bed. You lean into him, your eyes heavy from dealing with the ringing you’ve been dealing with.
He gently prompts you to pick your head up before signing, ‘Ringing again?’
You just nod.
“Pete, I wanna go home.” You tell him. Your brother and nephew left a little while ago, and downstairs, your aunts and uncles are getting ready to head home.
“I know, baby. Let’s get you home.” He hums softly. He gently rubs his hand up and down your arm, before pressing a sweet kiss to your neck. Then, one at the base of your ear.
• • •
A few days later, you’re just doing chores around the apartment when your phone buzzes. When you take a minute to glance at it, you find yourself grinning.
It’s the link to an article, sent to you by your mom—Besides Peter, she has been the greatest support through your journey in figuring out you’re hearing. And she knows you have a bias towards Spider-man as far as vigilantes go (wonder why).
The link leads you to a photo of Spider-man, who is swinging across the city, holding up the sign for ‘I love you’. A grin breaks out on your face, just in time for Peter to crawl back into the apartment.
You find him with his mask off as he starts to calm down from a long day, and before he can do much else, you make your way over to him and pull him in for a long kiss.
He hums, his hands finding your waist as your arms wrap around his neck. When you pull away he grins.
“Hi.” He hums.
“Hey..” you smile. “I didn’t know Spider-man knew sign language,” You tease, and he just laughs, a light pink dusting of blush across his cheeks.
“He knows it for you.”
“For me?”
“For you, baby,” he leans in and kisses you gently. His hands begin to travel from your waist to the hem of your shirt, and then up, resting his gloved fingers against the skin of your sides.
• • •
Your hearing aids come in just in time for your sister’s wedding.
You pick them up and hold them in your hands as you go back and forth, worrying. Worrying about Peter not liking them, worrying about breaking them, worrying about everything, really.
But you stand in front of the mirror, and put them on carefully, before turning them on. You take a moment to adjust to how certain sounds are now. The drip of the faucet is more pronounced, and the sounds don’t just melt together like they usually do.
You can even hear Peter shuffling around outside, giving you as much time as you need to process the look and feel of them. When you finally step out, you’re nervous, and he must be able to tell.
“Look at you,” he grins, peering at the hearing aids. “Can we get a spin?” You immediately let out a nervous giggle, and then do a little twirl for him, and he just laughs and claps.
“You like them?” You ask nervously, and he nods.
“Absolutely.” He tells you. He leans in and presses a soft kiss to the side of your head, right next to your hearing aids. “I have something for you.” he tells you, before handing you a small black box. For a moment, you freak out. He probably senses the panic and shakes his head, “Just open it.”
You do, and when you realize what you’re looking at, your heart absolutely melts. It’s a gold star earing that has a chain that hooks onto your hearing aid, and another chain with more star pendants that dangle. It’s gorgeous, and you wonder what you did to deserve him. You lean in and kiss him gently.
“Thank you.” You say softly, and he can tell you’re going to get emotional, so he kisses you again.
“I think you look very pretty.” He hums, “Complete.” You grin and lean in for another kiss.
You’re beginning to feel it, too.
• • •
The morning of your sister’s wedding, you’re texting Peter as your sister gets her makeup done. You’re pretty much all ready, you’re just inclined to stay with her until she needs you.
‘Bug Boy
2:24
Attachment: One Image’
The look of Peter in his suit makes your heart melt.
‘Sugar
2:26
you look very handsome, pete <3’
‘Bug Boy
2:26
Aw, thank you, sugar. Do I get a photo of you or do I have to wait?’
‘Sugar
2:27
nope! gotta wait.’
‘Bug Boy
2:30
: (‘
‘Bug Boy
2:33
How are your hearing aids feeling?’
‘Sugar
2:35
good! they’re helping with all the commotion. i’m glad i got them before the wedding’
‘Bug Boy
2:36
Me too. I love you. See you soon?’
‘Sugar
2:37
see you soon <3 i love you.’
You wear all black, as per her request, and you ask her a few days before if it’s okay if you wear your hearing aids, mostly because you don’t want the attention on you if you must answer a bunch of questions about your hearing aids.
But she’s more than happy to have you wear them, especially if it means you can hear everything that’s happening, and that your ears won’t ring.
The gold hearing aid jewelry goes well with your outfit, and you’re anxious to see Peter again—You’ve been so busy getting ready and helping your sister get ready that you haven’t given him a chance to see your fancy new outfit.
Just before the ceremony, as your sister is having her first look with her soon to be husband, you manage to sneak away, finding Peter mingling with your extended family, enjoying a drink, and eating some appetizers. Your spider boy and his appetite.
You tap on his shoulder when he’s alone, and he turns and quite literally gasps at the sight of you.
“Look what we have here,” he hummed, his hands running down the sides of your outfit. Then, he puts his drink down and begins to sign while speaking, “You look gorgeous. Your jewelry looks lovely.” He grins.
You blush, before signing back, “You don’t think it looks weird or clunky?”
“No,” He shakes his head, “You’re glowing,” he tells you, leaning into place a soft kiss on your lips.
“I love you,” You sign, “Do you want this?”
Your question catches him off guard, and he signs back,
“What?”
“This,” You gesture to the area around you. “A big wedding.”
His answer is simple but effective—
“I want whatever kind of wedding you want.”
“Even if I want big obnoxious flowers and a big ugly pastry gown?”
“Even if you want all that. Although..” He trails off, shrugging his shoulders.
“Although?” You question.
“I always imagined you in something simple. Something that shows off your features, not outshines them… And now, your little stars and hearing aids to go along with it..” He hums, grinning at your reddening face. “And pink tulips.”
“Pink tulips?”
“To go with the white roses.” He hums. You never really thought of Peter as a guy to have dreams and plans for his wedding, but he’s full of surprises. You know that better than anybody else.
“I love you.” You say softly, leaning up and pressing a soft kiss to his lips. On your side, the flash of a light goes off and you start to giggle when you realize that one of the many photographers your sister has hired, and you realize that the photos of you and Peter will forever be known as from your sister’s wedding when you were just dating.
“I love you,” he hums as he holds up the sign for it. “How much time do you have before the ceremony starts?”
“Twenty minutes?”
“..Plenty of time.” He has this wicked grin on his face. Your face flushes, before you take his hand, letting him drag you off to a quiet corner of the venue.
“You better not ruin my hair or my makeup, spider boy.”
“I’ll be nice and gentle- I can be mean and rough later.”
“Peter Parker, I swear to god—”
He cuts you off by pressing you against the wall of an elevator, and as the door closes, he runs his fingers over your hearing aids, before pressing another kiss to your lips.
#peter parker#peter parker x reader#tasm!peter#tasm!peter parker#tasm!peter parker x reader#spiderman x reader#spider-man x reader#peter parker fluff#tasm!peter parker x you#tasm!peter parker hurt/comfort#tasm!peter parker fluff#how many different ways can i tag this peter parker#hoh!reader#tasm!peter parker x hoh!reader#peter parker x hoh!reader#spiderman fluff
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i #need some undertale fandom friends pls!!! 😁 i have much thoughts on my mind about undertale that i would like to share with the World .... and it would be fun to have some friends to go back and forth about it with!
if u have discord and want to be friends, hmu 💯
DNI —
- NO proshippers Please. if u make and/or consume content of incest, pedophilia, or SA i am uncomfortable with talking to you
- bigoted in any way. i support everyone as long as they are not causing harm. pls be a kind and open minded person
- obvious stuff but yeah just be a Decent person! i block freely
🦇🕸️*. ABOUT ME:
what is upppp i'm Blade 👍
evil wretched vampire king of the night . king of t he junjle. half demon half angel / DONT TOUCH MY TAIL
18, would prefer ppl close to my age please
nonbinary & chill w any terms (masc, neu, or fem). preferably use he/him, but u can interchangeably use any pronouns on Occasion. as a treat
i can talk rlly sexually so please lmk if that makes u uncomfortable 😭😭
im autistic and have social anxiety so relationships are a bit difficult for me 😅 pls be patient 🙏
i loveee love love love undertale it has been my special interest for ~8 years now! wow! it's all i ever think of and want to talk abt and it takes up my whole mind!!! it's the very most important thing to me 😁😁
i mostly am into utmv / undertale AUs
i am crazy for sansshipping it's mostly what i talk about
very autistic for dreamtale, something new, and the bad sanses. all are a special interest atp VERY important to me!!!!!!
kross, driller/kreme whatever, horrordust, bsp, probably more Enthusiast
i've been selfshipping for like 7 or so years now. cross xtale is my wonderful husband 👍 NONSHARING BTW
i would love to have ppl to talk to about my selfship dattebayo
I LOVE TO ROLEPLAY!!!! PLEASE RP SANS YAOI WITH ME MY FRIEND... JOIN ME
🖤 OTHER INTERESTS:
gothic literature, and reading/writing in general is a social interest of mine!! i love love reading and books and 😊 Mary Shelley's Frankenstein is probably my favorite book!!!! i also love Edgar Allen Poe and Bram Stoker's Dracula!
ANIMANGA: mob psycho 100, evangelion, jujutsu kaisen, chainsaw man, jojo's bizarre adventure
GAMES: DELTARUNE OF COURSE!! i also like visual novels, SONIC, rhythm games (like pjsk or bandori), the sims, splatoon
HOBBIES: reading 😊, crochet, coding, roleplaying, writing
MISC: i like cats 🙂↕️ and knives are cool
sorry this is long Lol. hope we can be friends ! 🐈
#undertale#sans au#utmv#dreamtale#something new#killer sans#nightmare sans#dream sans#xtale#undertale au#looking for friends#friend application
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What's your favorite headcanons you've heard for Scully and Mulder?
OOO i have quite a few
i know she’s canonically an irish catholic but i like to imagine that margaret scully was originally from northern ireland and moved to the us in her late teens!! i also believe that scully is very fluent in irish gaelic
scully has an INSANE sleeper build. she works out in canon and i just know she can deadlift like 200 pounds. she’s also a lot stronger than she assumes she is so she’ll playfully slap mulder and he’ll fall over
(ik these are like all scully im sorry) scully grew up on punk and rock music bc of william and bill jr so she listens to a lot of that but she also really likes some folk music because of her mom
expanding on the music one both scully and mulder really like new wave/goth and always have some band playing in the background when they’re working
both of them love horror movies and sometimes they’ll play one on the projector instead of working (they got caught by skinner once)
in htgsc scully got mulder the ufo fish bubbler we see in all things and he got her that translucent deck of cards with a slice of the human body on each one (i think vsauce made them)
scully grew up poor and had to help bill provide for the family when their dad was away
SCULLY IS SOUTHERN!! how could i forget my literally fav headcanon of all time is that scully spent most of her childhood in tennessee (her dad is from new orleans to me)
mulder has a very slight boston accent and the two of them sometimes make fun of eachothers southern/new england accents
scully isn’t very good at anything artistic because it’s very hard for her to stop rationalizing everything while mulder is actually pretty good when he tries
before joining the fbi scully was planning on becoming on epidemiologist, mulder was planning on being a child psychologist or social worker
sometimes i write scully having bpd but tbh that’s not based on anything i just like having my own versions of characters
they’re both autistic
AROMANTIC SCULLY!! ASEXUAL MULDER!!
i don’t think they ever started explicitly ‘dating’ they just got more and more romantic with eachother till they were basically in a relationship
they still think of eachother as their bestfriends than the romantic partner because that’s the most important part of their relationship
ik this is basically canon but whenever scully experiences an emotion or situation that is uncomfortable she resorts to anger while mulder resorts to shame (i believe scullys character is built on first fear and second anger while mulders is built on first love and second shame)
scully used to be really close to bill but they grew apart because neither of them are good at communicating or compromising (i also believe that her and bill are very similar)
scully played ice hockey and did jrotc and mulder played baseball and did theatre
my hcs for their families separate lives/professions
charlee (lee) scully: has a phd in computer science from ucla, giant nerd
melissa scully: art teacher at a catholic school
samantha (sadie) mulder: music major, plays mainly bass guitar and stand up bass, also great at the cello. had lots of jobs but is now a highschool chamber orchestra teacher
ok that’s a lot sorry if this is egregiously ooc i think too much
#i have like a billion more feel free to ask#txf#dana scully#msr#fox mulder#the x files#txf meta#msr meta#samantha mulder
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i don't know how to sum this up. i haven't slept in four days.
...this is gonna be a long one and im sorry. also literally every fucking one in this whole thing minus V is autistic, i don't know how, but them's the facts.
background info: around... some 8 years ago maybe, my truly BELOVED friend M (today 31F) started hanging out with a new friend group her then-friend S (31F now) had introduced her to.
(i (31 genderqueer) didn't know M then. i do know she was very lonely.)
so. S has introduced M to her friend group, and M hangs out with them for about... two years?, but, as far as i understand, S is the go-between here. M asks S what plans they have on weekends, S calls M when there's plans on weekends, that sort of thing.
what happens is: at one point S's girlfriend, V, starts flirting with M. heavily. in front of S. S VERY MATURELY decides that the solution to this is obviously to start telling M there's never plans on weekends while telling the friend group M is never free on weekends. shitty move, i think we can all agree.
and M ends up alone. she's never heard from a single one of any of those other people ever again. ever.
now. M, OBVIOUSLY and i think with good enough reason, HATES S.
but.
1) it's not S's fault M is no longer friends with the whole group, like M thinks it is. it's just not. if they had wanted to keep hanging out with her, very simply, they would have. S didn't even explicitly ask or tell them not to hang out with M, nor did she talk shit about M to get them to leave her out. and want to know why we know all this? it's because after (AFTER!) S and V broke up, M and V dated for like, three months, and V told M. what S did was shit and immature, but not like. extreme.
2) we don't know if S even knew how lonely M was/was gonna be. in my understanding of what's right or wrong, this is KIND OF REALLY important. the intention, the meanness, the ability to knowingly isolate someone to that degree. jealousy is one thing, being genuinely mean is another.
3) all of this happened 10 years ago. TEN. YEARS. they were like, 20. fetuses. we're all queer, they were all navigating the first romantic experiences, shit happens. S was shit but S also could have become a better person in these TEN YEARS. we just don't know.
OTHER background info: ive known S for like, 10 years, and she's someone VERY interesting who i've always liked (not romantically), but she's not my friend.
ok, and now. fast forward to last week. M & i & F1 (27F, my bestie, M's friend) go to a pub. S is there, says hi to me, hi to M (which. like at least apologize or something. but ok) (at this point i have no idea they even knew each other btw), S & i talk a bit like we always do, M goes home (i suspect nothing), S & F1 & i hang out, next thing u know F1 and S start to date and S and i become better friends.
(where i absolutely am the A: apparently, at some point M told me what S did to her. before we met S at the pub? after? i have NO memory of any of this.)
M wants nothing to do with S, as is her right. but at this point F1 is dating her and im making plans to like, watch clone wars with her. M tells me & F1 the whole story (tells again, in my case), tells us she has no problems with us hanging out with S but again, please can we not force them together, which, ofc, i tell her about our star wars plans and like, she's chill, she says yeah sure go for it, she jokes around about how S knows lots of people and we gotta use her to get another friend a girlfriend, shit like that.
forward again. one sunday morning, M asks me to hang out. that sunday just so happens to be clone wars day with S & F1. i tell her. she goes BALLISTIC. like, tachycardia, tunnel vision, palpitations, she's fully ready to never talk to me again because "i can't ask [me] to not hang out with S because that would be toxic, but i just CAN'T be around S, so here we go again, she's gonna steal my friend [me] (...i don't think M cares too much about losing F1, they're not that close), im losing control of the situation, the only way for me to stay in control is to choose to cut off [me] right here and now, so that's what ill do, goodbye forever". and she spends the WHOLE DAY in this frenzy (completely unbeknownst to me!), with multiple people trying to calm her down and like, get her to talk to me. (which OF COURSE the next day she ends up doing, because she loves me, she's just. very autistic.) anyway, at this point (sunday evening) ive been made aware of the situation with M, so i had F2 (F31, she's a mutual close friend who was acting as a kinda peacemaker) tell M i was there for her & ready to talk whenever, and we meet up on monday evening, i get apologized to (M had like, blocked me on all social media 😂) for the whole... overreaction, especially after id been told it was ok to see S, and M officially asks me to stop hanging out with S. i try to tell her "can i ask S about, idk, what was going on in her brain back then". she starts to hedgehog up on me so i shut tf up.
here i am the A again: i know M very well. i should have known it would not actually be okay to see S. i just should have. i do know her.
here i... can't tell how much of an A i might be: i don't want to tell S to fuck off. i WANT to talk to S, figure out how much of an actual irredeemable asshole she is, and only in that case tell her to fuck off. the 3 points i made at the start of this papyrus are still valid. also i think it's kind of fair to give her the right to like, defend herself? explain herself? before i go full ghost on her
... its like this. it's not like i care about S. not to be mean but she's no one to me. i just would like her to BE someone to me, cause she seems cool.
i have few friends. i would like one more friend.
i also made friends with a friend of S, T (can't remember age NB). they're the only other genderqueer person i know irl. id like to get to know them. (also they're kind of cute but that's genuinely not that important lol, i just like to make this post Even Longer). i wouldn't get to know T if i did what M wants (needs?) me to.
and let's not forget S is currently dating my close friend F1. just to put icing on the cake.
then again, i adore M. my loyalty to her SHOULD be more important than two people who are, again, no one to me. i should just tell F1, sorry, i won't hang out with ur gf, like ill be civil to her but i won't pursue a friendship with her. because i don't NEED to. i don't NEED these friendships. i would just LIKE them.
if S turns out to BE an asshole who hurt M on purpose, it's great, it's golden. problem solved. ill tell her she's shit and, i mean, F1 will probably break up with her too. no one gained or lost anything from a whole shebang were i haven't slept in like 4 days and got a stress herpes or whatever it's called, it's cool, it happens, go us.
but if S is... justifiable? understandable? NOT a dick? i don't feel i have an actual reason to delete her number. would i, for M? probably, yeah, but i don't WANT to.
F1 says im a doormat. F2 says im basically a monster and how could i do this to M when there's plant of other friendly fish in the sea.
AITA?
and while we're at it, if someone feels like giving advice... what do i do?
What are these acronyms?
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Hi jaz! I know u dont post docking/cropping disc horse on ur blog so if ur ok with it i was hoping u'd be ok answering this privately. Im really really not looking for discourse i was just very curious on what your particular stance on docking/cropping was. There are like obviously advantages and disadvantages for both that I've seen on your blog (from various opinions) but I've only irl met dob owners who are VERY against docking and cropping. Sometimes i see like u reblogged a post of a puppy with docked bandaged ears and i was like "huh! Interesting!" So way less of like a trying to start a discourse thing and more of like. Do you prefer docked or not docked? Do u support docking for any specific reason or not, like i know it used to be so they wouldn't get grabbed or something like that. Sorry if this sounds weird or super blunt im autistic and really terrible at wording things gently,, i've just seen both sides talked about and was wondering like what u thought as a professional dog trainer who's opinion I trust. Its more about personal curiosity than any discourse attempt but also also if u aren't comfortable discussing it at all then no pressure!! Like i dont wanna make u discuss something ur like "damn this is gonna be triggering to talk about" i never want to do that to u.
Thank u for taking the time to read :)
I'm actually fine posting this one publicly, only because I've stated it several times before on this very blog:
I do not give a fuck what other people do with their dogs as long as it is legal within their country and the owner is doing their best to be compassionate and fair to their animals. That can be interpreted whatever way anyone wants it to be.
In other words, someone who makes the decision to have their dog's ears cropped under the care of a vet or who purchases a dog with already cropped ears? Who gives a shit. Not me. Someone who takes a pair of scissors to their dog's ears at home? That person is an asshole and I hate them.
Very few doberman breeders in this country will allow a puppy to go home without cropping the ears or docking the tail. I am not sure if that puppy's breeder counts among them, as I have very little interest in purchasing a dog from her and thus don't know much about that part of her program. The pedigrees are simply not what I feel holds the future of the breed in terms of efforts for longevity combined with working ability, so I simply look elsewhere.
It is worth mentioning that the two fully natural dogs I have had, with one still living, come from countries in which the practice is either banned or so heavily restricted it may as well be banned. If someone is serious about wanting a fully natural doberman, most people will need to import.
I know of less than 10 breeders within this country who would allow the same thing, and of them I think I would only purchase from maybe 2 of them, and *both* of those people would only sell a fully natural dog to me because they know who I am. Someone unknown to them is still getting a cropped and docked dog.
For my own dogs, I avoid all potentially painful procedures that are not medically necessary. This does include cropping and docking, both of which are surgeries and all surgeries do have at least some pain associated with them. However I also don't spay or neuter my dogs for the same reason. When it becomes medically necessary, I will consider surgery. Until then, I will not. Thankfully, I was able to find someone who was willing to play ball with that, and that is why I have had a couple natural dogs. My dobermans prior to that were not, because I was not able to find someone, because they simply didn't exist in this country and I was a poor college kid unable to import.
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You have GOT to share with us how you read so much. I’m so curious!!!
hey!!!
✨ how i read so quickly ✨
🌿 format: i read exclusively on apple iBooks, i find i read so much faster there then a physical book. i love physical books, but don’t like the texture of paper under my hands (im autistic and sensory sensitive)
🌼 fast reader: im a naturally fast reader. this obviously helps a ton. i have hyperlexia (opposite of dyslexia), and can get through books quite quickly (i can get through 400 pages in about 5 minutes)
🌈 learn to skim: my brain naturally skims over unimportant words or filler scenes sometimes. this helps as well. obviously this is controversial probably, but this is literally how my brain works
✨ get familiar with common themes/tropes in your favourite genres: it will make a new book easier to get through, as you’re already aware of what’s going on from previous history. no book is truly original
🍭 diversify your reading list: switch up genres to keep yourself entertained so you can read for longer
🌊 take breaks when you need it: don’t force yourself to read more. i probably average about 1.5 hours a day of reading, unless im insanely busy. but some days i do less, and you need breaks to avoid reading burnout. i have a lot of control over my routines, so im very privileged in this sense. i realise 1.5 hours is a lot
🐠 read shorter books (duh?): when i was getting back into reading / starting to read crazy amounts, i read lots of short books and that got me comfortable with literature. now i don’t even blink at the page length, unless if it’s over 600+ pages
🦚 track your reading: either on storygraph or goodreads. i find looking at reading stats (esp storygraph’s) so motivating to read. it doesn’t need to be 1,000 books, it can be 50 or 10. the most important thing is just having a goal to work towards
🍀 highlight as you go to help retain information whilst reading quickly
feel free to add me on storygraph - lottie1803. goodreads is in the pinned comment on my page
sorry this response is a little delayed, this week has been wild. if i think of anything more, ill add to this list. thanks for your question
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I know like nothing about any of ur ocs or works so, could you sum up telling me about whichever you want so I can ask more questions in person? Please feel free to make the ask as long as possible!
stares autistically...YAYU..galaxy quest is my Main ocverse bc its almost 11 yrs old now and its just been a default in my mind since i was 11-12ish but capitalist creepshow is a close 2nd with how fleshed out it is...my oc carrd has some good info character wise but its lacking on worldbuilding + plot stuff bc im insanely character focused and suck at that shit badly LOL, also the plot/episode page and number of seasons on gq's page is outdated bc i recently like completely redid the plot and havent updated it yet 😭 anyway u can have existing gq lore. sorry if this is weirdly worded and hard to understand im at work rn 😢 i also have a couple scattered tumblr posts on random important bits of lore/character stuff ill get them later. oh ya and toyhouse if u want to see whos who or whatever. a couple side characters havent been redesigned yet but ill get there eventually lol
gq is like. a 90s-2000s CN styled adult cartoon (i always sum it up as if futurama and chowder were 1 cartoon. BIG BIG influences from chowder especially with the voice acting my goddd )..its Planned to have 5 seasons, it used to be 4 but with the new plot i had to add one to fit it in without Completely starting over on every single season lol, also perhaps 1 semi canon movie and a small side series for a bunch of silly mostly canon fillers i couldnt fit into the show itself.
so like i said im bad at having a consistent plot, also words are hard for me so ur getting a Very shitty bastardized version of what i Do have.
Basically it takes place mostly on 2 planets, earth and alkaliba(i hate this name i made it up when i was like 15ish, i just cant think of something better rn😔) its initially in 2009, but actually this is like a Different 2009. bc basically there was a mass extinction like several hundred million years ago and everything just kinda started over but like only Slightly different (sounds stupid af out loud but just trust me ok) alkaliba had existed for a Very long time the next galaxy over and it just so happens that the planet is dying and all their natural resources are fucked. so melody (lenarrs mom) set up an agreement with alkaliba that they could borror resources from earth. (melody is thousands of years old, but thats a secret lol) also melody was from another dimension Also a very powerful sorcerer and kept most of her spells and whatnot in her journal But its written in her native dimensions language which nobody on earth (except lenarr) can read. anyway she used her magic to connect the 2 planets using a series of portals called stargates (again. subject to change, also they connect to a Lot of other planets besides just earth but whatever) that allowed ppl to easily travel between the 2. bc of this alkaliba Kinda "colonized" (FOR LACK OF A BETTER WORD) earth? and that was normal for a few thousand years.
anyway for s1 jump ahead to where canon starts (2009) tix is sent to earth by meredith (queen of alkaliba, tix is her son but u dont know that until later in s1 when they actually Go to alkaliba) to pretty much track lenarr down and convince him to use his powers he inherented from melody (lenarr is not aware of this at all) to pretty much save alkaliba (BIG SPOILER. THIS IS SOMEWHAT DISHONEST. sure lenarr could Choose to save alkaliba but that would result in the destruction of earth or it could be vice versa. it cant be both BUT youll see) so he find lenarr Completely by coincidence after lenarr offers to help him bc tix has never seen snow or ice in his life and is having Difficulty. anyway this is ridiculous that i havent figured this out after 10+ years but tix does Something to convince lenarr to go with him, bc obviously lenarr would be very hesitant to. a bunch of shit happens u know the drill 1st episode shit to establish everything. i could type out a full episode 1 plot but i don't particularly want to rn😢
s2-3 is just mostly playing toys w my characters and tix teaching lenarr how to use his powers (s1 finale is when lenarr starts to Get it but u know) also s2 is noodles villain arc and s3 has eugene in it which is so fun bc i really really like noodle and eugene is funny. OH AND THE MAIN VILLAINS. hydro is the Main antagonist but he has 5 other idek what to call them. henchmen????? that either work for him (griff, dimentia, derric) Or are loyal to him bc he practically saved their life (grem and pixie, also dimentia a little? its complicated) and while Yes hydro IS a villain and he IS evil, hes actually just trying to save earth bc in his mind alkaliba is actually like the typical alien invasion thing u see in movies (not exactly whats happening but it Is possible u could see it that way) he just goes abt it in the weirdest most fucked up way possible. also BIG plotpoint worth mentioning, grem and tix were dating for at least 3000+ years before tix left him for his (now deceased) wife, which grem is Extremely bitter abt. so hes obviously loyal to hydro bc hydro helped him escape his abusive father BUT hes also doing it for himself to get back at tix. (important note tix Was the asshole in that situation 100%, grem is actually right to be upset a little but probably not That much) anyway once lenarr tix and zach(forgot to mention zach is tixs best friend who tix brings along bc hes smart and good at strategizing, also bc tix is GAYYYYYY) get to alkaliba finally it is literally impossible to conceal the fact that tix is a prince there. and bc lenarr doesnt know the Real reason why hes there he doesnt think much of it, in fact he finds it weird that tix wouldnt tell him that.
jumping allll the way to s4 when the Actual shit goes down. this is where shit gets less in depth bc its Extremely new..this is when lenarr learns that hes being used to basically doom earth, u know. his home planet. (considering having either hydro or grem tell him, not in a nice way either) obviously he gets really upset abt this, Especially bc its been at least a couple years since canon started and zach and tix are basically like family to him at this point. he probably runs off idk. i need to think abt it more bc i JUST made this up but im considering recycling an OLDD concept from like early highschool gq where lenarr gets to visit melody in her home dimension. also forgot to mention. melody and lenarrs older brother ruben both committed suicide when lenarr was younger. melody only did it to go back to her home dimension, but ruben did it bc he got rlly depressed after melody died ÷(
anyway lenarr gets to see melody, its very sweet ÷) he talks to her abt his problem abd she gives him some kinda cryptic advice bc Plot. this changes lenarr basically, at this point hes mastered melodys spellbook and Now he can create his own spells or whatever. SO. he comes up with a way to make it so NEITHER planet gets destroyed somehow. this works bc lenarr is actually like twice as powrful as melody at his full potential. after this the main villains would most likely have their redemption arcs somehow i havent thought up What exactly happens yet. and for s5 its basically just me wrapping things up and playing with my toys freely...theres still active plot happening thats very relevant to the story obviously but its a liiiiitle less high stakes and thats all i got in regards to the main plot bc if i sat here and typed a detailed explanation of my fun fillers id be here for years
SOME GENERAL TRIVIA FUN FACTS DEVELOPMENT SHIT 4 FUNSIES TOO.
originally gq was Not supposed to be a cartoon nor was it an ocverse. it was a fucking spm fan spinoff i made up bc i was autistic af and 12. grem was my first ever oc that was Not a fursona and he was actually terrible like as a person. i mean hes kinda terrible now but not as bad
griffs name was changed a few years after i made him. it used to be falcon (STUPID AF BUT I WAS 12. REMEMBER THIS.) also i thought itd be funny for his name to be griff bc youd think its short for griffon but no its short for grifford. also texs and tiabia names were changed too. tiabis name was janette and she was actually originally an adult but i thought itd be better if she was 7
like 99.999% of my original designs and concept art + silly little comics of my villains bc it was just them when it was still a mario thing is lost media forever bc my mom accidentally threw it all away when we moved to a new house i miss it every dayyyy id do Anything to see it again..... the Only original stuff i have is from highschool and i fucking hate my artstyle then so its sad af...its just lenarrs finalized design (which actually barely changed since then) and MAYBE if i looked hard enough thru my old computers i could find zachs original design too? idk i dont feel like looking
speaking of the spm thing. dimentia was supposed to be dimentios little sister which is why shes named that (original i know) but i decided to take the name a different direction after it became its own thing
grem went through the most design changes by a huge margin, but imo derrics few redesigns were the most insane and drastic. pixie went through One change and it got reversed a couple years later LOL
some Stupid reasons behind design changes were 1. hydro used to have 4 heads, hence the dumbass wordplay on "hydra" but i got so fucking fed up with drawing them every time + i kept forgetting to so i just made him a regular dragon. and 2. griff has his mask bc i literally just kept getting mad trying to draw his face right. thats literally it. thats the only reason.
fun fact noodle was probably my least favorite oc before i redesigned him. i hated him SO FUCKING MUCH especiallyafter i came up with his villain arc. now hes my favorite toy and i lovie
HUGE props to my bff @/killer12345blog. hes literally my cowriter and theres a couple characters of his in the main canon that play a HUGE part (eugene, daffodil, and louise) also eugene was actually a joke character and i HATED HIM (AS PART OF THE BIT) but i randomly got really attached to him now hes the villain for s3😇
gq was actually RECENTLY renamed. it used to be H.I.D.E. dont ask me what it means or what it stands for idfkkkkk i thought itd come to me eventually but it didnt so i changed it bc w/o a meaning it was just dumb af
tix was originally very very small. like around pixies size. also gq was still a video game for a bit but it was like its own Thing by then. tix was intended to be the tutorial character kinda like tippi
also im going to go ahead and say this LMAO. the original alkaliban designs were Heavily inspired by homestuck bc thats what i liked back then. ive tried soooo hard to make it not as obvious but i feel like itll always be so so obvious 😭
im actually kinda considering having gq be 3d animated instead of 2d, stylistically if that were the case itd look kinda like. idk. do u remember that moomins cartoon they made a few years ago. like that. but i seriously doubt ill end up making it 3d anyway
i fucking hate musicals usually but my GOD are there a couple showtunes i want in there. jfc. i have a dedicated yt playlist of songs i want in gq Or relate heavily to certain characters/events. hi. speaking of i like to think gq would have a very 80s cartoon soundtrack like the one in labyrinth or something similar
tix and zach were originally Much younger. tix was like 19 or 20 and zach was 17 iirc? i changed that bc 1. dumb and 2. i wanted tix and zach to be in love i didnt quite like the age gap it was a little iffy
the origin of lenarrs name is kinda silly. i was having trouble coming up w a fitting name and one day after school we drove past a sign for lennar homes or whatever the companys called and i went AHAAAAAAAH!☝️🤑
i think noodle was originally brazillian, idr why that changed..also tex was japanese iirc
tix is like Billions of years old probably. its intentionally left unclear and vague but also IDEFK.
im probably forgetting LOADS of important shit but whatever....u get the idea + ive been typing for like 2 hours in between work shit
#ocs#i gotta go grab those other posts immediately but this is like the very basics of gq LOL. you are so strong good luck reading this#its incoherent af bc im working and im not proofreading all that LMAO
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