#not since my 'friend' told me that I deserved to be raped to death for being queer

[densoro]

.

[matan4il]

lowkey not even as invested in 911 lonestar but ronen has been getting so much hate i feel so defensive about the show like. oof, there's gonna be too much chaos when the season airs

Hi Nonnie!

Honestly, IDEK when the new season airs, or whether real life will allow me to watch it, but all of my solidarity and support goes out to Ronen. Jews do not deserve this kind of abuse and de-humanization for caring about their people and their homeland, especially when it's someone who actually was born and grew up in Israel, and still has friends there (he even mentioned a personal connection to unfathomably young kids who had been butchered by Hamas).

This wouldn't be done to someone of any other nationality. For example, no matter what the US or UK or Iran has done that people might strongly disagree with, including in recent years, I've never seen individual American or British or Iranian actors held responsible for their government's actions, and expected not to care about the American or British or Iranian people when they are suffering. Because that would be de-humanizing. It would be acting like these American or British or Iranian (or any other nationality, really) actors are political billboards first, and humans second.

It's de-humanizing to expect Ronen not to care about the well being of Israelis and Jews, about their safety after the massacre that was committed against them on Oct 7, and which Hamas leaders promised to repeat whenever possible, about those who are still held hostage in Gaza (whether it's their bodies being denied of having a proper burial and their families of closure, or whether they're alive and continuously abused by people who we know raped, mutilated and tortured even children just because they were Jews), about the rocket attacks on Israel from several fronts (do people realize what it feels like to see the photos of Israeli Jewish kids taking cover from rocket attacks on the ground, with their little hands held over their heads, of all days on Yom Ha'Shoah, our national Holocaust Memorial Day? How do people expect us not to care about that?) which have continued uninterrupted since Oct 7, about the on going psychological and emotional trauma people have and are suffering here, about the repeated personal (because yeah, anti-Jewish terrorism and violence in Israel was not born on Oct 7, and many of us carry scars from previous attacks) and intergenerational trauma (because most of us grew up with the knowledge of what antisemitic violence, including in Arab and Muslim countries, has done to our families) that all of this evokes...

And going, "But so many more have died on the other side!" is de-humanizing as well. It's as if you had your mother murdered, and when you wanted to express your grief and loss, you'd be told that you should care about your neighbor's pain more, because he lost five cousins, not just one mom, and five is more than one. As if this is exactly how human pain works, by numbers... (not to mention, this notion ignores that at least two of the cousins are actually responsible for the murder of your mom in the first place, and they're also responsible for causing the deaths of their other cousins)

IDK, it's just... not normal that Jewish pain and Jewish solidarity are being demonized like this. And it is about demonizing these specific expressions of Jewish bond, because even Jews who have expressed compassion for both sides have been vilified (Ronen even included innocent Palestinians suffering in his initial IG statement, made on Oct 9 and linked above and there's a screenshot below, then he shared an extra statement that was even more about innocents on both sides suffering, and he was still crucified like he's some sort of a heartless monster).

It is NOT okay if the only Jews acceptable to you, are the ones who do not express Jewish pain and solidarity.

I hope people who may see my ask reply are capable of... IDK. Even if in the past they attacked Ronen or other Jews for expressing any kind of compassion for fellow Israeli Jews, I hope these people can really take in how de-humanizing that is, and what sort of a message it sends to Jews out there, re-consider whether that's a path they want to take again, or support when others take it, and do better than they have before. It's never too late to learn and fix things.

De-popularize the de-humanization of Jews!

Because that's the freaking decent thing to do.

(for all of my updates and ask replies regarding Israel, click here)

[elderflowergin]

A little rant about MBC My Dearest, purity and men who weaponise it:

(Trigger warning: sexual assault, rape as a war crime)

Fusion sageuk or not, this world has some set rules around purity, even in the relatively loosey-goosey Neuggeunri, where women and men can and do commingle, chat and meet in groups. The last barbarian invasion hangs over them; the old ladies in Gil-chae’s hometown tell the girls that death is better than allowing the barbarians to touch you and that if they do, you should kill yourself for the sake of said purity. Death is preferable to lost purity in this time/place; that’s firmly established from the beginning of the show. (It’s reinforced midway when Injo’s court reports of women who jumped off cliffs into the sea at Ganghwa rather than be taken by barbarians, no doubt perceived not as an avoidance of pain and torture, but a praiseworthy act designed to retain and restore purity).

Gil-chae and Eun-ae have to grapple with this when Eun-ae is attacked by a barbarian. Eun-ae was violated and felt violated by what happened. They know what they are supposed to do, what the old ladies told them to do; and yet Gil-chae holds Eun-ae close and says, nothing happened. We were hurt and our clothes were torn because we rolled down a mountain. Nothing happened to us. She rewrote that story, in the face of everything that said Eun-ae didn’t deserve to live anymore. Consummate survival requires rewriting stories, even the ones that are the hardest to paper over.

Because it appears again in Hanyang, in relative peacetime, when Eun-ae feels she cannot accept Yeon-jun’s proposal, because even if Gil-chae rewrote that story, it’s harder to reconfigure shame when it’s under the skin, when it’s attached to the thing that makes you valuable as a woman. Yeon-jun may never know what it took for his future wife to survive, and that ignorance too, is a privilege. But Eun-ae knows, and perceives her value differently now than before. It’s Gil-chae who persuades her again, who reminds her that they rewrote this story together, two women who survived against all odds.

In this postwar, still somewhat vulnerable time, the possibility is high that there are assault survivors around, just as there are women who may have had to sell their bodies to feed their families, or broken any number of rules around purity for survival. It’s foreseeable that women survivors have been through or seen unimaginable things happen to other women, to their friends and have experienced it themselves. I’m not saying this to undersell the general trauma of war on men - just to say that war crimes hurt women in a very different, very intensely long-lasting way* as compared to theatres of war and fighting.

All of this to say: it didn’t take Jang Hyeon very long to go from “you’re not as pure as you think you are for loving a taken man” a few episodes ago to “you couldn’t live without a man for a day? If you were going to give it away you might as well come to me at least once.” I am truly horrified that he pretty much gets away with it; Gil-chae moves with the punch and gets in a hit of her own, but that’s a bone-chilling thing to tell a woman, any woman. It would be a terrible thing to say to a woman now, let alone in a time when that mattered so much to women, let alone in a time and place where it was forcibly taken from so many women, many of whom died so it wouldn’t be.

This callous attitude continues later when she’s run away with him and they’re in a room for the night. She tentatively asks about marriage, saying that it would be hard for her, since she’s almost a married woman, and people would consider her “used”. (Her fiancé later tells Yeon-jun that he is permitted to kill his partner and the adulterous lover, so this isn’t a gossip without consequence.) In essence, Gil-chae put her life on the line for a man who still says “Husband, no. I am your servant and my body is yours”, a promise that carries little substantive meaning in their world. Marriage isn’t a luxury good that she’s asking for as a whim. It’s what protects Gil-chae and her family from harm; it’s what will allow her sister to find a suitable match later on.)

Jang Hyeon is shown from the start as a man of his own ideas, someone who who doesn’t truck with traditional Joseon morality. He can and does reinvent rules for himself, and clearly doesn’t think that much of notions of purity, but he’s fine using them against Gil-chae.

Yes, Jang Hyeon saved her life during the war, but Jang Hyeon also had the choice of participating or not, the luxury of stepping back if he so chose. Gil-chae had no such luxury, no such choice, an open target on the run. He no doubt understands that the barbarians are raping women, that to survive as a woman is fraught, that sex has become fraught. To use purity to attack a woman he claims to love, to reduce her momentarily the way those old women did - to express his anger by lashing out in this way, in a way calculated to hurt, to violently pierce at the foundation of what it means to be a woman in this time and place is a cruelty that is hard to countenance. It’s telling that his anger at her leads him there, that it escalated with all that time, because he knows that’s what hurts. He knows it’s valuable, knows it hurts when he strikes at it, and yet will do little to protect it for her. I don’t know if there’s any amount of growth that will change this, whether it’s something he can change at all.

There are many upsetting things about this episode, but Gil-chae’s choice to stay at the end is the least upsetting part of it, and the most conceivable, intelligent choice she could have made in the face of a man who - in her perspective - can only offer her fervent words and a feverish gaze, things that will not feed her family or protect her reputation, her business or her heart.

[iamdeceived]

Kraglin can start another riot!

A/n: Hi, this is just a story that my strange mind has created. It takes place in the second Guardians movie. I proofread it all, but if you find any mistakes, please let me know. (I don't pay for therapy for anyone). Good reading!

WARNING: Mention of rape, foul language, high level of triggers, deaths and murder. IF YOU DON'T FEEL COMFORTABLE, DON'T READ!

🦋female reader🦋

*⁠♡*

You won't soon forget. The day started like any other. Yondu's ship landed on Contraxia, so that the captain and the boys could "relax". Yondu went up to the room with one of those robot whores, and the others got drunk and had a good time.You sat at the bar, massaging your temples. His head throbbed. "Same as usual, dear?" You murmured a low yes to the attendant. A big green alien with tentacles and a filthy apron. You smiled at him. He brought your drink, which you immediately started drinking. Almost desperate. You needed it. Drink until you don't even remember your name. Maybe that would help him forget about the sleepless night.You stayed up all night. You tossed and turned in bed, but you couldn't sleep.

knew very well that something bad was about to happen. Something really bad.It had been a long time since you had been kidnapped from Earth to serve as a sex slave. Yondu rescued you shortly afterwards, and so you live near the captain.It's not like you guys are intimate. But you loved those boys. You feel safe around them. Especially close to Yondu. You owe him your life. And would be forever grateful for that.The Ravagers spent a lot of time in Contraxia.

Since always. Lately, everyone has had a lot of work to do. So finally a little rest would do us all good.You should be very happy for the well-deserved rest. But, I couldn't help but feel that something was wrong.Every time Yondu's ship lands on the frozen planet, you take the same route, to your favorite bar, and stay there drinking like crazy, and making small talk with the kind and pleasant bartender.You had met so many times and spent so many hours together that you were almost best friends. If this position didn't belong to Kraglin.It wasn't mean, you loved Kraglin with all your heart.

He was your best friend and a brother to you. They told each other everything, and defended themselves tooth and nail.But there was no way she could be near him while they were in Contraxia. You didn't really like being around the whores there. Mainly, didn't like to see them rubbing up against his best friend. It was worse when it came to Yondu. Do you feel… jealous? For sure.

You love Yondu.

It's very different from how you feel about Kraglin. Kraglin is his brother. Yondu is the man you would want to spend the rest of your life with. But he doesn't know that.He's cold, and his dates are professional at all times.He's never touched you, and he doesn't get too close. He's the captain, you're just the subordinate who's in love with him.

The attendant stopped. He looked at you with great curiosity. Maybe he sensed her nervousness."Is everything okay, dear?" You lifted your eyes to him. She bit her lip so hard that a trickle of blood ran from the corner of her mouth. And then you started to cry.You were exhausted.You love Yondu, and you hated the thought of him up there in the room with another woman.

Even though I knew it was just a stupid robot. You love Yondu and he will never return what you feel.His head throbbed hard, as if something was pressing down on both sides of his head with all its might.You were exhausted.Had worked all week without being able to rest properly. You barely saw Yondu, and you couldn't even talk to Kraglin properly these past few days. He worked so hard that he barely had time to eat. S/n was simply exhausted.She tipped the bottle once more. Consuming all the liquid inside, before wiping the tears away and asking for another drink bottle."You didn't answer my question… Y/n, is everything okay?" He knew about your feelings for Captain Ravager. When he gave the bottle to your hand, you took a long drink. "I've been really tired…" her eyes stung. You won't cry, not again. The attendant placed one of his tentacles on her arm and with another caressed her head. "Whatever you're going through right now, I want you to know that you're strong enough to get through this! Don't worry, it's going to be okay in the end, honey, I promise!"She gave him the sweetest, most genuine of smiles. "Thank you, you know that means a lot to me!" The attendant smiled and walked away to attend to someone else.

You raised the bottle to your lips once more. Before she could actually drink his precious drink, heard Tulk call out to Yondu. Apparently he was already drunk. You see the captain coming down the stairs. Immediately looks at the attendant. With a suggestive smile on his face and beckons you to go.

*♡*

You stop next to Kraglin, dodging so the "girls" with him don't touch you. He flashes you a smile, and ruffles your hair. "Is it over yet?" You nodded, then pointed at Yondu, who was walking by without looking at anything but Stakar. He gave a wan smile. Kraglin obviously knows how you feel about the captain. Once, when he was drunk, you had to beg him not to say anything.Yondu walked past you, and his eyes glued to your back.You felt a punch in the pit of your stomach as he and Stakar started yelling at each other.

You squeezed Kraglin's shoulder and he took your hand. The boys had told you about Stakar's relationship with Yondu.

She knew that was important to him. Felt Kraglin squeeze his hand.Taserface said something to insult Yondu. He had been doing this ever since the captain pardoned Peter. But he never said anything to the captain's face. -Disgusting coward- you thought. His eyes were still on Yondu. Kraglin was squeezing his hand. He defended the captain. You saw when Stakar left with his group, leaving Yondu behind in the heavy atmosphere.

You're still holding hands with Kraglin when a golden woman comes up to him.-Sovereign-. You thought.

*♡*

Back on the ship, you were heading towards the guardians. The golden woman wanted to kill them. Rocket, you thought. A smile escaped her lips. "I wonder what you got up to this time?" For a moment you even forgot the bad feeling that walked with you.Yondu was too quiet. He shouted an order here, another there and closed himself in his corner.You wanted to run to him, wrap him in your arms and give him a comforting kiss. But you held back.

Kraglin and the others were busy making some necessary repairs. From time to time, you would still hear Taserface badmouth Yondu behind his back. "Your time is near, my dear! I want to have the honor of witnessing your death!" You told him with a smirk. He rolled his eyes and left.Taserface wasn't man enough to touch you. Yondu said he would kill anyone who tried. It was the first time for a woman on the ship. Some rules have been established.

*♡*

You were alone in your room when the door opened.You thought you were going to die when you saw Yondu enter. "we arrived ?" Yondu nodded his head. "I want you to know something." You shook hands. The nervousness returned to her body. "I have no plans to hand over the guardians." You sighed. You already knew that. Yondu loved the guardians. He would never betray them. "I'll betray the arrogant golden woman instead. Steal the batteries and sell them on the black market." You nodded. "Do the others know?" Yondu said no. They wouldn't react well. You both knew that. "Why did you come to tell me that?".He turned away before answering. "You have more maturity than those idiots." And then he left. Leaving you alone with the feeling that something bad is going to happen.

*♡*

Everything happened way too fast. You went to the guardians' ship. They saw no sign of Gamora, Drax or Quill.You held your breath when Kraglin spoke out against Yondu. It wasn't a good demonstration. But it was enough to get all shit started.You felt your body shake when Taserface proposed mutiny, and you had to fight not to fall when Nebula shot Yondu.

Rocket and Groot were taken to the ship.

*♡*

Taserface was humiliating him. Making sure he saw his friends being murdered. "You killed these men. Why are you weak!" You were close to Kraglin.At that moment, you wanted to kill him. But when you looked into his eyes, you saw that he didn't want that to happen.

Taserface hit Yondu. The others laughed as they waved at the lifeless bodies floating in space.You clung tightly to Kraglin's arm. He returned the gesture grabbing her shirt.You didn't have a choice.Helping Yondu at that moment, or even saying they were in his favor, means death.Kraglin didn't want to die. Taserface hit Yondu. You didn't want to die. Taserface hit once more. And others. Yondu didn't even bother to lift his head. Defeated. You can see the sadness in her eyes. Once again. And another.His fists clench. Taserface lands a punch to its captain's chin. He lets out a painful sigh. His red eyes glued to the ground. You clench your teeth.Another painful sigh.

Kraglin understands what you want to do. He holds you tight.You let go of him.You're not even thinking about it when your fists slam into Taserface, hitting his nose with all the strength you have.The ugly man takes two steps back.

Cold sweat trickles down Kraglin's forehead.You place yourself in front of Yondu.

The laughter in the ship ceases. All eyes are on you.The captain finally looks up. You quickly turn to face him. You see a mixture of many emotions in his eyes, his beautiful red eyes. You never had the right to be this close to him. Those seconds seem to turn into hours.

You see hate, fear, sadness, disappointment, humiliation, relief, pride and despair in their eyes.

Before you can look forward again, the Taserface grabs you by the wrist, injuring you in the process. He lifts you off the ground, bringing you into his eyes.

A scream catches in Kraglin's throat.

Yondu looks down again. He doesn't want to see you get killed."You are very abused, little girl!" You hear the laughter start up again. "What should I do with Udonta's hot girlfriend?" The free hand goes to your neck, still lifting you in the air.Rocket who was just making small jokes, is now completely silent, bright eyes wide open staring at you, breathing fast and desperately. "Don't hurt her!" he whispers. Groot is clinging to the bars of his cage.Taserface smiles at the raccoon, before squeezing its neck. "I'm not going to kill him. I'm just going to…play with him! And then I'm going to sell him to the slave traders who wanted him in the first place." Yondu looks at you.You wave your feet in the air. Breathless.Kraglin closes his eyes with all his might - it's my fault, she will be a slave because of me! The captain will die because of me, my fault! - He wanted to help. All of you though, fear paralyzes your skinny body. He cannot move.

Nebula was in a dark corner. Waiting to intervene in case those stinking idiots try to kill their wares. You weren't very important to her anyway.Taserface throws you to the ground. And immediately you go close to Yondu, ignoring the pain and shortness of breath. You breathe desperately to fill your lungs with air. His hands left huge purple marks on her neck. You look at Yondu. Something in his eyes says you're the dumbest, bravest human he knows. Is he… sad for you? You hug his neck."Ownnn, they are so cute!" Someone yelled. And then another session of giggles began. Rocket lowered his eyes. Groot let out a scream.

Taserface grabs you by the hair.

*♡*

You were on the cold floor of the ship. Naked.

Doesn't know how long the torture lasted. Doesn't know where Yondu or Kraglin is. Doesn't know what they did to Rocket and Groot.

You choke on your tears.Remembers seeing Yondu lower his head, remembers hearing Kraglin scream. It was so noisy there that no one even noticed. Only you.

You didn't even bother to get up. You flinched in an attempt to hide your intimacies.Cry low.The ship has been silent since Taserface threw you in the cell.Her skin burned. Dishonor. Disgrace. Your damn habit of wanting to play heroine.Suddenly you heard footsteps and laughter. You cringed, knowing they were close. again. And then Rocket and Yondu were thrown into the same cell as you.They avoided looking at you at first. You sat on your thighs, and hid your breasts with your arms. Yondu took off his coat and threw it at you without looking at you.

"I'm sorry girl! I couldn't protect you out there."Your eyes filled with tears.

You sat next to him. Huddled inside her coat.

*⁠♡*

In the end, Kraglin ended up helping you anyway.All the rest of the crew were killed by you, Yondu, Rocket and Groot.Soon after you went to Ego. Save Peter from his father.And then they got an indefinite ride until Yondu got a new ship. After all, yours was blown up.

No words were exchanged.You spent a lot of time alone.You avoided Kraglin, and barely looked at Yondu. Tried to have as little contact as possible with the guardians.When they got the new ship, you installed yourself in what would become your new room. And spent most of the time on it.Kraglin got tired of being ignored by you and left you alone. Yondu was barely looking for you.

*♡*

You gathered enough courage to go to Yondu.He was seated, in front of the panel, which opened directly into the space. You went to him."You have to stop ignoring Kraglin, he's going crazy. I can't stand hearing him complain anymore!" You faked a smile.

After all, Yondu couldn't sleep.

He almost died after saving Peter from his father.

You went to him."Seriously, you need to stop!"You noticed the nervousness in his voice as he approached. You stopped beside him. It cost him to look at you. You caressed his face.

You were also having a really hard time sleeping since everything happened. He went rigid under her touch. He cocked his head in her direction. You let him relax his head on your chest. Stroking her face, her head and her shoulder. He wrapped his arms around her waist. He pressed you against his body. "You need a new crew, captain. "His grip tightened. And then he cried softly in her arms. He let himself be beaten again, this time in a much nicer way. "Damn it, I know, girl!"

*⁠♡*

Kraglin had told him about his feelings. You heard him tell. And for some reason, his reaction was different than you imagined. You talked more. They spent more time together. They stayed together.

You and Kraglin were there when Yondu recruited more men to form a new Ravager team."Watch out, captain! Kraglin might start another mutiny!" You wrapped your arms around his waist. Yondu laughed. Kraglin snorted. "I already told you it wasn't on purpose!"

You both laughed.

[krylng]

we will meet again. chapter 2

ahh chapter two! TW: abuse, sexual assault, mentions of rape, imagery, torture, death, smut.

previous <<>>next

it has been a week since you and alastor murdered the man who touched his mom without consent. it kept you up some nights, but you had to tell yourself he deserved it. he was a pig after all. but the only thing you could think about was when you took the knife and just cut him open. and the heart that exploded…and your laugh. you laughed like a maniac. and by alastor’s stare, you knew he needed your help with another murder. you didnt know for sure, if he would ever ask. but if he did, you were ready. you were ready for anything.

you told Jane about the murder. all the bloody, gorey, details. she promised to not tell a soul. you trusted Jane. she was your best friend! she was your only friend. you didn’t know what alastor was to you, but you felt like you were just an assistant.

you took another shower for the second time that day. Jane asked you what was wrong, but you felt like the blood was still on you.

you and jane were having another sleep over that night. you would gossip about more things that were going on. you even told her about your relationship with alastor. his assistant. but you had no idea if he liked you.

“soo~ do you like alastor? do you think he likes you back?!” she squealed. you sighed. “honestly, i don’t know. he’s cute… no, he’s hot. like the way he helped me up and made me wrap my legs around his waist when he was licking my bloo- that’s not the point! it’s just i don’t know how to feel after i found out he was a serial killer. A FUCKING SERIAL KILLER!” you didn’t tell her that you found that kind of hot. but then again, you had weird taste in men. like, really weird. you had crushes on FICTIONAL men. you wished they were real, but let’s face it! they’re not!! they never will be!!

“uhh, are you alright?” jane checked your forehead to see if you had a fever. “you don’t have a fever, but are you okay?”

”yeah, i’m alright. i just wish he knew that i only kissed him back because i was tipsy. he was probably drunk because he didn’t even remember!”

”you know, i read some magazines on romance, and he probably pretended to forget because it was awkward~”

“are you trying to say that… he actually meant to kiss me and give me hickeys?” you sigh into your hands. “i just wish he was here so i could talk to him about this.”

“you know where he lives, right? it’s not a far walk.” she smiled, helping her get up and off her bed.

“i cant just go there for no reason! he will think i’m weird!” you whined, not stopping jane who was already out the door and pulling you. “seriousllyyy!? he is going to think i’m obsessed!” you think about the fact that you would see him again. you knew you had something to talk about now. Jane waved as you left alone.

you made it to his house. you knocked on the door, and Marie opened the door and hugged you. “what are you doing here this late?” she motions you to come in. “are you hungry?” you shake your head. “i’m here to see your son.” she smiles sweetly at you. “you know where his room is.”

you make your way up the stairs and take a deep breath in before knocking a few times. Alastor opens the door, shirtless with a towel wrapped around his hips.

“oh my god, im so sorry! i just had to talk to you…” you rub your arm.

“oh, then come in.” he says, motioning for you to enter his room. “are you sure? your like… half naked.”

“i can trust you… right?” you walk in when he says that. he closed the door and you sat on his bed.

“i have been thinking about…the murder.” you come clean.

“so, are you having fantasies about killing more people too?” his pupils dilated and he gave you a huge smile. “actually… yes.” you sigh. “a lot more than i should. but every time someone annoying me… i have those fantasies. i know, it’s bad… but i feel like i can’t control them.” you massage your head. “i’ve been having them too. and, i have a list of people to kill.”

you stare at him, wide eyed. “you have a whole list? how many people do you want to murder?” you laugh a bit, and he joins you on his bed. “why wouldn’t i? there’s so many people who… deserve this pain and torture. why not let them feel it? you remember that time you stabbed me? it didn’t hurt, but… it turned me on.”

you blush. did he really remember that night? and it turned him on? so that’s why he did it. all because you tried to defend yourself. you were proud that you did, and he also spared your life. you wonder if he would ever hurt someone you love.

“would you ever hurt someone i love?” you say.

“definitely not your mother, she’s very sweet. please tell her thank you for her jambalaya that she cooked for us that night.” he smiles. “i will. i know my moms jambalaya isn’t as good as your moms. but my father?”

“what’s he like?” he asked, almost leaning in closer. “well… he has some good qualities i guess. he… he hits us some times. m-mostly my mom when she doesn’t cook fast enough or clean up after him. but he also hits me… when my mom is out of town. and when she’s out of town… he…he…makes me strip and he watches me…then he touches me, and he…” you can’t help but cry. you couldn’t finish that sentence, it was just too hard. “my mom wants a divorce, but… he beats her when she says it, and it’s not her decision. it’s my fathers.”

you could see an angry look in alastor’s eyes as he rubs your back squeezes you tightly. he holds your chin to meet his gaze. he wipes your tears. “we will kill him. tomorrow.” you find yourself yawning as your head meets his shoulder. he kisses your head, and you blush a little bit, but he doesn’t notice. “you should probably stay here. and sleep. your mom is out of town right now, right?”

“yeah my dad is home alone… with… JANE!”

you stand up quickly, running down the stairs as alastor follows. he runs with you all the way to your house. Jane is sitting on the stairs. “oh hey, i was waiting for you!” you hug her.

“we’re staying at alastor’s.” alastor sighs, but then you three walk to his house again.

“i mean, im glad we’re not there anymore. i would usually wake up to him laying with me, naked. he stripped me in my sleep too. i…. wonder what he did when i was asleep. my mom tried to stop him. but…” Jane gives you a side hug.

“it’s going to be alright. you have us, and he can’t get you in his house.” Jane looks at alastor, studying him to make sure he’s good enough for his best friend. “also, nice clothes.” she says to alastor. he’s still shirtless and he’s wearing pants.

“oh shit, i guess i forgot.”

you walk inside of his house. Marie is most likely asleep. he leads you both to his room. you and jane sit on his bed as she scans his room with her eyes before setting a hand on her shoulder. “where do we sleep?” she asked alastor. alastor’s bed was a king size, but she wanted to ask.

“anywhere on the bed, but not close to me. you can lay by her, but you two better keep your distance from me.” Alastor is on the left side, you are in the middle, and Jane is on the right. Jane is already in her pajamas, but you are still in your dress. “i dont have my pajamas.” you are surprised when alastor hands you one of his shirts. “you can wear this, i suppose. but please give it back tomorrow morning, dear.”

you changed into his shirt, and it was very comfortable. you still had your panties on though. you and jane slept close to each other, it wasn’t awkward because you were best friends and you practically grew up together. alastor slept far away from them.

alastor broke his own rule. the next morning, you opened your eyes, jane’s side was empty. strong arms were wrapped around you. you and alastor were on your sides, he had one arm on top of you, and the other underneath of you, so you couldn’t move away. his lips were so close to your neck. you felt his breath go down your neck. you blushed hard. your hand was on top of his hand, which was on your stomach. Jane walked in, in her dress from yesterday since she didn’t bring any other clothes.

“AWWW!” she squealed, waking alastor up. “that is so CUTE~~!”

he looked at your body, in his arms.

he smiled, but got up anyway. you changed back into your dress and gave him his shirt back. he grabbed your chin and brought your ear to his lips.

“did you sleep well darling~?” he smiles when you blush. “well, you must have grabbed me when you were asleep.” you say, defending yourself. “oh dear, i was wide awake. you were trembling, and it was making it hard to sleep. when i held you, you stopped, so it worked out.”

you and jane would head home, even though your mom wasn’t going to come back for a few more days. just a few more days in Hell with your “father.” he didn’t deserve to be a father. Jane was going home, so you were alone with… him.

“shall i walk you home?” he asked. he watched you gulp and he took your hand in his. he walked you home.

you never actually told him that you were going to be alone home with your father. he looked in your eyes before walking back. you walked in, to find your father naked. “YOU LITTLE BITCH!” he struck you hard with his belt over your face. you fell to your knees and you stared at the floor. “LEAVING ME? IM GOING TO MAKE YOU FUCKING REGRET IT!” he tore off a sleeve from your dress.

you tried to crawl away from him, but he was strong, and he could easily catch you. he picked you up easily, and threw you. from the porch. luckily, it was on the first floor, but you still whimpered from pain. you decided to run in the forest. you could hide from him. he ran and chased you. he finally caught up and tackled you to the ground. he slapped you so hard, you spit out blood.

“STOP! why are you doing this?” you said between slaps.

“because, a little bitch like you deserves this. only pain. let’s face it, you were an accident because i raped your mother! you weren’t supposed to be in this world! fuck, anyone but YOU!” he grabbed a branch and beat you with it. he pushed you to the ground and he stomped on you a few times. he kicked you and threw the stick in his hands at you. he left. “you are never welcome back in the house again. not as long as i’m alive.”

you had no idea what you did to set him off like that. the pain in your body was unbearable. you couldn’t move, it hurt too much. instead, you cried. Jane was twenty minutes away, too far. alastor’s house was close, so you decided to at least try.

“ALASTOR!” you shouted, but it must have been too quiet. you sobbed. there were bears in the woods, you were probably going to be eaten. you laid down, still bleeding from where you were beaten. you were bloody and bruised. you felt like you would pass out from the pain. you were ready to give up.

you heard footsteps approach. in boots. the same one your father wore. he must have gotten dressed to keep beating you. you didn’t find out yet, you passed out from the pain.

“hold still…” a familiar man said as he put a bandage on your nose. “there. that should be it.” his mother hugged him and then she took a look at you. “oh honey, are you alright? we found you in the forest!”

your vision was blurry at first, but your eyes focused, and you saw alastor and his mom, staring at you, worrying if you were alright.

you sigh. you were exhausted, it was a little after two.

“yeah… just my father.” marie goes into the living room, making some food for you.

“that bastard. what did he do to you?” you explain that he hit you with his belt, threw you, slapped you, and hit you with a stick, and stomped on you, and kicked you. you tell him all of the UNTRUE words he said to you.

he stared at you, but tugged you towards him, embracing you with his arms around your dirty and destroyed dress. “i was… worried. he deserves to be killed.” you opened your mouth to say something. “shhh, no, don’t say anything. i’ll murder him today. you can if you want, but rest for the rest of the afternoon. we can discuss a plan.”

so then his sweet mother brought you some soup and toast, you ate at their table, and then you slept in his bed. he woke you up after a few hours. “ready, dear?” he said as he loaded his rifle. his mother walked in and kissed his nose. “be safe. both of you.”

Marie must have knew about his murdering. marie was a sweet and kind woman, so alastor was raised good. turns out, he only murders people who deserve it. like your father.

you knew your dad would be asleep on the sofa. it was easy to break in. alastor’s fingers slowly touched the trigger. “no! i dont want him dead instantly. i want him to feel what i had to feel” you say, touching his hand and making him move the rifle. you both walked towards him. the first part of the plan was to tie him up. then, they would hide his guns. so he couldn’t run and shoot them if he escaped somehow. then, they hid the kitchen knives. they stood in front of him. he was naked and drunk. it was now or never.

you took a deep breath, and you slapped his face to wake him up. his eyes opened and saw you. he growled and then tried to get up.

“you’re tied up.” you say. “hmm, alastor, what should we do first?” you giggled.

“y-you’re the murderer!” your father says to alastor. “stay away from my daughter!”

“i’m not your daughter. anymore.” your father freaks out when he puts his hand on your shoulder.

“she doesn’t deserve you! don’t touch her!” alastor laughed. “so, how mad would you be if i kissed her?” your father looks furious, still trying to undo the rope. he looks in your eyes, like he’s asking if he can. you close your eyes, and you feel his lips against yours.

you dropped the knife and your hands moved to his hair. still kissing you, he taps your thighs and you jump up and wrap your legs around his waist again. its perfect. the perfect lighting, your father screaming in the background, the perfect person. you just want to keep kissing him. you never want to stop. you hummed against his lips, and his lips moved to your neck. he was gentle since your cuts were still healing. you let out a little moan, and you heard your fathers screams quiet down a bit as he hardened.

“ugh, hes hard from that moan. what a pig.” you say to alastor, pointing out his cock. he sets you down. “maybe… if he doesn’t have one, he can’t.” alastor picks up your knife and he cuts off your fathers penis in one swipe. he screams in pain, but alastor just cuts off more and more, until only his balls were there. “you don’t deserve children, so let me help you.” he cuts off his balls. your father screams more. he hands you the knife. “would you like to try, darling?” you accept the knife, and you trail the edge of it down his torso, sending shivers down his body. “you know… i always wondered what would happen if you didn’t have any limbs.” you say as you chop his left arm off. he screams in pain, and then you chop his left leg off. alastor smiles as you chop his right arm and leg off. you face alastor. you throw the knife behind you *which happens to land on your fathers eye, tearing it* and you wrap both arms around his neck. he picks you up in one motion and he kisses you. it had been two minutes since your last kiss, and you were craving it already. you needed his lips on yours. your father screams from pain and what he was seeing. “hold on, darling.” he sets you down. your father was taking his last breaths, and he wanted him to hear one last thing. your father hated alastor now, and you. even though he pretended to love you the last ten minutes.

“i’m going to fuck your daughter!” he says in his face. your father growls. “DONT YOU FUCKING DAR-“ your father breathes hard until he takes his last breath. you blushed, thinking about what alastor said. he turned to face you, clearing his throat. “anyways darling, i’m sure the police will be headed here soon, so we should probably get cleaned up and clean this mess. and the body.” you help carry the body, smiling as you watch the wolves devour the limbs and the rest of his torso. they burn the carpet, and they burn the couch cushions. anything with blood. they wash blood from their clothes. “ahh, anyway. we should probably get out of here now.” he smiled as you both heard the police sirens gradually get louder.

“what do we do now?” you say, thinking of ways to escape.

“well, now that the police are getting closer, looks like we can’t fuck! aww.” he says, teasingly.

“shut up, we still can.” you realize he was joking earlier and you blush from embarrassment. he smiles at you, his eyes teasing you.

“come on! we need to go now.” you try to pull his arm, but he sits on a chair. he laughs. “darling, they wont figure out which house it was for a while. we could still fuck.” his tone was flirty. you blushed as he took your chin, making you meet his gaze. “darling, sit on my lap, and if you grind like a good girl, i’ll fuck you.”

your mouth drops from his words. he isn’t joking. you slowly sit down on his lap. you move your hips and you grind on him. you were both stupid teens, you both had never had real sex, so it was a first for both of you. after a while, he held your waist. you both got up, and he lifted your shirt up. you blushed when you felt his hands on your naked waist. he moved his hands down to your pants and took them off. you were so wet. it made him excited. you were in your panties and a bra. he took off his shirt quickly and then pulled his pants down too.

you saw his cock. he pinned you against a table and then pulled your panties down as you unclipped your bra. he took you to the couch and he set you down. “you know, i am… hungry. but i wont just yet, you’re way too wet. besides, we don’t have much time, so we shall skip to… the good part.” he places it inside you and you moan from pleasure. your walls tighten around it, and he moans as well. he moves his hips at a steady pace, being mindful of how much you can take at once. he bites and sucks on your neck. then, he is relentless. he knows you love it, so he goes faster, and puts it all in. you moan loudly every few thrusts. he bends his head down to steal a few kisses. he bites your lips before returning his head back where it was.

“i…i’m at my limit.” he moans as he gets tense.

“please come in me-“ you moan. he goes faster. so fast, he releases instantly. you both groan and catch your breath. his arms are still pinning you against the couch. he stares at you, taking in the beautiful sight.

a knock breaks the moment. their heartbeat picks up as they rush to get dressed.

“fuck, fuck, fuck…” you say, nervously. you both finish at the same time, and you both cover up more evidence. you both exit through the back door. you cant just come around and then onto the street. you take your fathers body deeper into the woods. most that remained were bones. so alastor buried it ten feet deep. they took a shortcut through the woods. they got to his house, and they entered quickly. Marie hugs both of you, but her eyes fall to your neck, with many hickeys.

“dear, your neck seems… hurt,” she giggles into her hand as she leaves you both alone. you walk up the stairs with alastor and he closes the door behind you. you sigh, relieved that it’s finally over. he takes your body and pins it against the wall. “i didn't get enough kisses from you.” he says, taking your chin and kissing you. you hummed a bit against his lips, and he kept a firm grip on your waist. after thirty minutes of kissing, he let you change into your pajamas. you were staying with them after hearing the news that your mom was killed.

your own mom. killed in an accident. you cried for hours. alastor comforted you, but you would never get your mom back.

you would share a room with alastor.

“now, we will never. ever. talk about what went on in your house.” he kept a firm grip on your chin until you nodded. “good girl.” he kissed your forehead and you both went to bed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

that took a couple of hours, but it was so worth it! anyway, this was made on july fourth, but i decided to keep everyone on their toes, so i made it post today.

creds: @worldofkuro, i know i already gave credits to you on the first chapter, but i’m just thanking you again 🤍 🎀

[sketching-shark]

Me ghink theres lot of hate towards tang sanzang some of which IS UNDERSTANDABLE

But alot of it goes too far and say the most rancid shit ever all bc hes book character. Mind ya hes based on actual person and is being use his likeness. Like some lmk fans be saying the worse thing ever towards this guy(for example wanting him get the d*ath penalty n amongst others).

We forgetting that yes some of his treatment towards swk IS horrible but we tends to forget swk had done some atrocious things that sanzang was witness to in full view. No human would journey like that without being completely scar and traumatized. Some of my friends while looking through the book had found that sanzang be using the circlet all in one go and then never used it in years.

His character development does happen yall in where he do trust his companion more and then *insert traumatizing moment* happen. I do think wukong didnt deserves the maltreatment tho(i want to say this bc later i get ppl saying that i support ab*se bc i defend sanzang for a bit, not knowing that i also disagreed w some his actions)

Most ppl forget that the first arc that the gang actually face as a group was the gingseng tree arc, not white bone spirit.that u have him defending wukong and countless other times where he do trust swk judgement in some cases. (i just wanted to get it out there since not many ppl realize it n im fully blaming osp for this bc they are skipping arcs. N they don’t really tell what arcs they’re skipping)

This just me rambling but dam all these ppl need therapy.

THEY'RE SAYING WHAT NOW ANON AAAAAAAAAAA but haha wow on a lighter note that is kind of funny that the fandom which routinely portrays the Six-Eared "I am going to try to murder-replace you for completely selfish reasons / repeatedly try to kill a young mortal that you love" Macaque as a monkey who never did anything wrong ever would then go out its way to demonize Tang "I do lash out & often don't trust my senior disciple but have also been threatened with death for fourteen years" Sanzang. Like geez I've seen many another fandom where the assumption is that for one character to be good/be "redeemed" you need to make another character horrible (tbh I'm starting to suspect that that's what's happening with the lego show version of Sun Wukong & the Six-Eared Macaque), but wild if true that some lmk fans would go THAT far in the attempt to paint the monk as a guy so awful that he literally deserves the death penalty.

Now to be fair it does need to be noted that even in Wu Cheng'en's classic (or at least from what I've seen in the Anthony C. Yu translation), Tang Sanzang was in many ways intentionally written as a caricature of a fussy Confucian scholar who may have memorized many doctrines but who doesn't really understand them, and who is often made a figure of fun for falling off his horse, and who does use the headband against Sun Wukong is some very explicitly painful and unjust scenes. In at least the book he's also a much more static character than the Monkey King in that we don't see any real changes in his thoughts or behavior over the course of the journey, which I can see as a something that would sour many against him. THAT SAID, you are very correct anon in noting that besides one traumatizing event after another happening to him, from his mother's suicide to constantly being threatened with death and/or rape at the hands of many yaoguai, this monk does have a number of reasons for why he's constantly crying and acting with hatred and suspicion towards the Monkey King. And let's not forget that one of the things SWK told Tang Sanzang early on in the journey was that he had literally killed so many he couldn't remember them all, and that was right before he tried to kill the monk himself! Point being that yes both Tang Sanzang and Sun Wukong are extremely flawed individuals who often clashed with each other in some pretty upsetting ways, but there's also many understandable reasons for why they act the way they do. It's a real disservice to their characters and the underlying implications of the journey (or its retellings tbh) to forget or ignore that! *

*(and on THAT note this is another reason why it's kind of frustrating that the Overly Sarcastic Production & Monkie Kid retellings of Xiyouji seem to be the primary ways that western audiences are understanding the journey. Liking explicitly cartoony retellings is one thing. But then basing all your knowledge of the work on these retellings and/or even outright refusing to understand the classic in any other context makes for some really simplified and even really insulting beliefs about a culturally important work as a whole)

[sunnyie-eve]

9 | Won't Tell a Soul

Series: Never Leave You | OBX

Paring: (JJ Maybank x OFC! Rafe Cameron x OFC!)

Word Count: 2161

Warnings: mention of abuse/rape, smut, light angst, comforting,

MASTERLIST

At the beginning of August, Joey moved out finally having enough of the Outer Banks and shit that goes on since Callie still stays out late with JJ and Tess didn't seem to care.

JJ also started to be distant with Callie at times. She knew he was missing his best friend but why was he doing it with just her. He didn't do it with Kie or Pope.

"Callie, you have a letter." Tess has a certain look on her face as she holds out the letter to her.

Callie takes it to read and she knew the handwriting right away reading it to herself, "My dad is out of prison." She looks up at her aunt, "He's living in Figure Eight and wants to see me."

"Are you going?" Tess asks worried.

"Yeah…"

Callie headed to the rich side of the island going to the address in the letter. Arriving at the house she looks at the door before ringing the doorbell. When the door opens she was confused to see Rose.

"Callie? What are you doing here?" Rose asks confused too.

"What are you doing here? My father told me to come here."

"Your father is Will? William, it's for you." She calls out and he comes around the corner smiling at his daughter.

"Look at you. I didn't think you could get more beautiful." He walks up to the door.

"You know Rose?" Callie looks at her.

"Yeah, my brother, your uncle, used to date her before Ward and we stayed good friends." He explains, "Come on in, honey." He motions for her so she does and Rose leaves the room so they could be alone. "How have you been?" Will asks his daughter.

"Not great… two friends of mine died."

"John B and Sarah Cameron." He says their names.

"Yes, but he didn't kill the sheriff. Rafe did." She says since he apparently knew the Camerons because of Rose.

"I figured that out by the way Rose acts when I asked her questions. Especially Ward." He looks where Rose walked off to. "I'm glad you decided to swing by. I know I'm not the best father. The way I treated you and your mother. Especially when I was high on drugs… trying to kill your mother because I was out. How is she?" He asks.

"You don't know?" She looks at him.

"Don't know what?"

"She left me four years ago after you got put away. Aunt Tess has been my caregiver. We just moved back in recently with her ex." Callie explains to her father.

"You're mother just up and left you? Wow, what a bitch. You were her world…" He sighs as Rafe walks into view.

"Callie?" He looks at her out from the deck.

She looks over at him before walking outside slapping him across the face hard. He just stands there with his head turned nodding, "I deserved that."

"You deserve a lot me. You deserve to rot in a prison cell for kil-," Rafe covers her mouth with his hand as her father walks away inside.

"Don't say it." He growls.

"Why did you kill her? All she was doing was her job arresting your father for John B's father's death." She shoves his hand off her mouth.

"You wanna know why I did it?" Rafe starts to tear up, "You wanna know the truth?" A tear falls making Callie feel bad deep down seeing him like this. "He was in trouble and I was protecting him. I did it. Not Sarah, the only child he fucking cares about. I did it. I wanted him to like me more for once." He cries to her.

She goes to open her mouth but he talks again, "When I told him why I did… he stepped forward and I stepped back. He hugged me and I was confused but then happy he didn't hit me." He says and the last few words hit her right in her soft spot.

"God damn it… none of that will ever make me forgive you… but Rafe, your father's love isn't worth all that." She steps closer to him. "I know you want it and for him to be proud of you but you aren't going to get it that way." She pulls him into a hug as he still cries a little. "I fucking hate doing this." She sighs in the hug.

Once they finally stop hugging he asks her what she was doing there, "Will is my father I told you about." She looks down, "I don't even know why I'm here." She starts to tear up, "I'll never forgive him because it's his fault my mom left me." A tear rolls down her face, "It's his fault I had to move in with my aunt and Joey. It's his fault I got abused and raped." She spills making Rafe's eyes widen.

"Joey raped you?" He asks making her realize what she said. She's never told anyone that. Not Tess or even JJ.

"No." She quickly tells him.

"Callie." He says making her cry.

"Don't tell anyone please, Rafe." She cries harder making him pull her into a hug now. "I was only fourteen." She whispers.

Rafe held her tightly against his chest as his soft spot for her grew bigger in his chest, "I promise not to tell a soul, princess." He rubs her back.

"Princess?" Callie looks up at him with their faces inches away from each other.

"Sorry… I mean bitch." He gets a chuckle out of her before he leans down to place a kiss on her lips. When he felt her lips part, he used it to his advantage and deepened the kiss, pulling her even closer to him even though there was no more room.

As Callie felt her hands moving up his chest she steps back sick of herself for actually kissing him back, "I gotta go. Tell Will I'll see him another time." Callie backs away before running to the car to go home.

"How did it go?" Tess asks as Callie rushes into the house.

"Didn't talk long. He knows the Camerons though." She rushes up to her room.

"I have a job dinner party to go to tonight so I'll leave you some money to go get something!" Tess shouts out to her.

While Callie hung out in her room at home alone, Kiara decided to swing by to see how she was doing so Callie told her about her dad being out free and knowing Rose.

"Wasn't he supposed to be in prison for at least twenty years? It was only four…" Kie gives her a look.

"I know… How's JJ?"

"Why are you asking?" Kiara says confused not knowing that he ignores Callie.

"He's been distant with me since they disappeared. I don't know why just me because he still talks to you and Pope."

"I'll ask him what the hell next time I see him. That fucking idiot. I'll see you tomorrow." Kie leaves Callie alone.

Bored Callie went downstairs to drink some alcohol and get high to relax from the news of her dad being back.

Somethin' 'bout you Makes me feel like a dangerous woman Somethin' 'bout, somethin' 'bout Somethin' 'bout you Makes me wanna do things that I shouldn't Somethin' 'bout, somethin' 'bout, somethin' 'bout

Callie sang the lyrics moving to the music, which was turned up loud, as she drank walking around the house high as hell with a buzz. Since the music was so loud she didn't hear the knocking at the front door.

"Hello!" Rafe walks into the house since the door was unlocked. "Callie!" He calls out her name and as the song ends she hears him.

"What are you doing here?" She downs her bottle.

"I wanted to talk to you about earlier." He tells her but she doesn't listen as she sings the lyrics to the next song.

You don't own me I'm not just one of your many toys You don't own me Don't say I can't go with other boys

"Callie, listen to me damn it." He takes the bottle from her so she blows smoke in his face, "Where's Tess?"

"Dinner party with people from work so I'm relaxing." She smiles, "You know, if you weren't such a dick…I'd like you."

"Nice to know." He huffs.

"Kiss me." She says surprising him.

"What? No. You're drunk and high." He tells her as she steps closer to him.

"I'm not drunk, just high." She corrects him.

"I'm still not kissing you."

"That's funny. You don't want to kiss me when I want you to, but in the past, you kept kissing me when I didn't want you to." She laughs at him.

"Because you aren't thinking straight right now, Callie. You're stressed out with Will being back and you kissing back me earlier." He says making her huff.

"You forgot to add my best friend, I have feelings for, is ignoring me at all costs but not Kie or Pope. Also, my other best friend and your sister are dead." She takes her drink back taking a sip, "Now, you can shut up and kiss me or get out of my house." She tells him putting her empty bottle down.

Rafe quickly grabs her by the waist pulling her closer leaning down to kiss her. One of her hands go to the back of his head for support, while both of his hands now moved to grip at her ass, eliciting a small whimper from her lips as he squeezed it.

"Jump." He broke off the kiss for a moment, jumping up to him, his hands grabbing her thighs and her legs placed around his waist, as he walked upstairs towards her.

He laid her down in her bed, pressing heated kisses at her neck and her collarbones, the softness of his lips on her skin make her release a small whimper. Slowly, he came back up to face her, gazing into her eyes hazelly, as all the rational thoughts left from her body.

This was wrong, this was so wrong and she knew it but she needed to relax in some way. Even if it was with a psychotic, drug abuser, douche bag, and murderer.

The kiss she gave him as she pulled his face closer to her was nothing but primal, his tongue sloppily licking at her, and her teeth nipping at his lips.

Rafe's grip tightened on her tight, she was sure she would find his fingerprints on her the next day. Callie whimpered at the feeling, her hips involuntarily bucking into his groin, making him groan.

Rafe grinds down against her as her lips traveled down his neck, licking at his skin while her hands traveled down his back, playing with the hem of his t-shirt, raising it higher and higher until he finally got the hint and undressed himself of it.

Since Callie was wearing a dress it wasn't that hard for Rafe to take off her underwear, leaving her bottom half bare. There was no time to waste, so he unbuttoned his pants, leaving them to pool down at his feet, and got rid of his underwear. While he struggled to open a condom, that he must've gotten from his back pocket, she was busy admiring his toned body.

"Fuck." She moaned out as he groaned into her neck as he slowly started to penetrate her, little by little, but enough to have her desire more. Once he was fully inside of her, he started to thrust slowly in and out of her, letting her adjust to him, "This is so wrong."

"Just like enjoy it, princess." He started to pound her faster, but still not enough for her liking.

"I'm not exactly enjoying it yet." She tells him so his hands came to her hips, gripping them tight as he started plunging into her. Callie gasped at the harsh movements as her nails started tracing patterns on his back.

One of his hands traced to pull the top of her dress on her waist, her boobs spilling out of it. He seemed almost hypnotized by the way they jiggled as he plunged into her, taking one of them into his hands.

Callie's hands move back up into his hair, pulling his face down to hers to meet with sloppy, messy kisses.

Both moaning into each other's mouths, Callie felt her climax approaching, as did Rafe, when he felt her tightening around his cock. His right hand came to rub at her clit, making her arch her back at the sensation, several mentions, loud sounds, of his name falling off her lips.

Rafe wanted to go on for much longer, but he couldn't last any longer when he heard the loud noises that left Callie's mouth and filled the room. He groaned loudly as he found his release, sloppy thrusting into her as he helped her ride her high. Once her breathing calmed down, he fell down next to her, taking the condom off of him and pushing the hair that gathered on his forehead away with his hand.

"If you tell anyone… I will fucking kill you, Rafe. No hesitation like you did with Peterkin. I swear by it." Callie stares at her ceiling as the reality of the situation sunk in.

"I won't tell a soul. I swear by it as well because I believe you." He spoke through harsh breaths.

[compo67]

Good morning/afternoon My Friend!

Hope all is well with you. 🙂

I was wondering if you would answerable couple questions regarding the Punzel verse?

You are not obliged to if you are not comfortable doing so.🙂

***SPOILER ALERT** For those who have not read the verse...

Milo....what were the circumstances of his death?

He told Tristan he didn't want to die a virgin...so Tristan sets him up with Jared. There's some stuff to unpack there...

Why would Tristan do that to Jared...that seems so...skeevy.. and very wrong....

And then Milo died..was he ill?

I have always wondered about this, everytime I do a re read..and I've always meant to ask...

Thank you for your time. Have a happy Sunday...hope you are doing well.

Helloooo, my dearest. <3

I'm doing all right! I had a night out with the gentleman caller tonight. We went for pizza and ice cream. When I got home I got struck with some medication side effects (damn you, Mounjaro!), but they have subsided now.

Let's go with under the cut on this one, since it'll be long and there's possibly some folks who haven't yet read Punzel.

CN: discussion of rape, sexual assault, self-harm

I made Milo a very generic character so that the reader could fill in the details however they wanted. In my head though, Milo had a genetic heart condition and died shortly after his trip to California. Honestly, I didn't want to spend too much time on him. He doesn't deserve that much background.

Tristan had a lot to work on while he wasn't on speaking terms with Jared. It was more than "I'm sorry that I was neglectful when you needed me." BUT, I do wanna say that he also didn't know that Milo forced himself on Jared after Jared changed his mind and said no. Jared never told him--or anyone--what happened until way after the fact. This isn't to say it excuses Tristan for what he did. We just can't know what happened to someone unless they talk about it. And Jared had no one to talk about it to, not even Jensen, for a lot of reasons.

Punzel is a very personal fic for me. There's a lot of "me" in there. And part of "me" was dealing with rape at the time, from someone I knew and trusted. I didn't disclose what happened to anyone until years and years later. I carried what happened to me in silence for the longest time, until I broke down from the weight of it. That experience made it into Punzel. Jared didn't disclose this to anyone, until finally, in a timestamp, he just couldn't hold it in anymore.

I think a lot of survivors do this. We hide what happened very well when we want/need to. And some of us want/need to.

The way Tristan saw it, he was helping both Jared and Milo. Milo wouldn't die a virgin and Jared would get to have his first sexual experience without any strings attached, with someone they sort of knew.

I think, looking back, I was trying to convey that sometimes we leave out big portions of our experiences when we're getting to know someone better. We don't want them to run away or think about us differently. I was also trying to convey (later on in the timestamps) that no means no--period. It doesn't matter when you say it, if someone doesn't immediately stop, there's a huge problem. It's no longer, "He didn't hear me, it's okay" or "I changed my mind last minute, it's my fault." It's rape. And it's okay to call it rape.

I'm so glad I didn't go the route of writing a sequel with Punzel. I'm glad that I went the timestamps route instead, because I feel like I've grown up with Punzel in the last... what... 10 years? I worked through a lot of my own grief in regard to infertility, rape, trauma, and abuse.

I think this is also why it matters so much for commenters to be kind. You never know who is writing through something big in their lives. If you don't like what they're writing, move on. Don't be an asshole and leave an asshole comment. Just keep scrolling.

I used to write a lot of non-con/graphic stuff because I was still processing a lot of what happened to me. It made me feel better to write whumpage and brutal scenes. Maybe you can tell, but I don't write those things a whole lot anymore. I'm super proud of that. Instead of taking things out on my characters (it became a form of self-harm), I worked on things in therapy. I have a much better relationship with my writing now. I still live in my head a lot, but it's a much more content and positive space up there.

There's still a lot of "me" in what I write. Just different facets of me. It's not all about pain anymore. Time, space, a lot of work, and the right therapist have made this possible for me.

So. There you have it. We've come full circle.

TLDR; Milo's death isn't important. Jared's survival is. <3

[detroitpedxing]

Residents concerned for their safety after body found in trashcan near Detroit park

DETROIT - A discovery left a Detroit neighborhood in shock after police found a body in the area of the 20400 block of Omira Street, 

Police said the body was found across from Knudsen Park at 5:10 p.m., Thursday, in a trashcan, near I-75 and Eight Mile Road.

Project Cease Fire, a community activist group, was seen at the scene while investigators searched the area. 

The body was found near a large abandoned mobile home that was dumped in that area as well at some point. Parts of the area are also heavily wooded. 

Now, some of people, like Teresa Ligi who lives in that area and visits Knudsen Park frequently, are worried about their own safety. 

"We’re not prostitutes, we just do things that we have to do for money," said Ligi. "That could have been me, I think it was someone who was picked up and thrown away."

Detroit Police told local news agencies the incident is under investigation, and as police search for answers, the street team from Detroit Recovery Project is working to improve the lives of those in the area.

"My clients are expressing their concerns for their safety," said Brittani Tringali from the Detroit Recovery Project.

The project operates the mobile harm reduction unit. Many of their clients are homeless, some engage in drugs and other illegal activities, and they often come to this park. 

"What we do is try to reduce the harm that these individuals are doing to themselves," she said. "We provide safe drugs using supplies, hygiene products, food, water."

Police do not know the sex of the person found or the circumstances surrounding their death, but Ligi has concerns for her safety.

"These men are picking up women and murdering them, raping them and throwing them away," she said. 

As the investigation continues, Teresa and her friends hope the suspect is caught and justice prevails.

"We are like a community. We do try to look out for each other," she said.

Meanwhile, Tringali is also looking out for this community, helping them to get out of harm’s way. She said she is proof that support programs work.

"I’ve been in recovery free from drugs and alcohol since Jan. 24, 2017 and started my journey with a 12-step program," she said. "I’m just here to serve this population with love, empathy and compassion that every human being deserves."

Detroit police say the circumstances of the grim find are unknown as of Thursday night. 

Officials are asking for anyone with information to call 1-800-Speak-Up or Major Crimes at 313-596-2240

This is a developing story, DetroitPedXing will update when more is known.

[waitingformyfavoritesongs]

23 April 2023 sSunday ☀️ 11:06 am pt

11:07 am pt

Q did point me in the direction of getting help for my learning disability. But I think 💭 she might have used it as confirmation that she could take advantage of me and gas ⛽️ light 💡 me more. Alike to Nick carter premeditated rape of an autistic 17 year old female Bcz incubus approved like he told garrido. 11:09 am pt same god. Talking to all 3. 11:10 am pt they have no shame. They justified it. Is that a “ki” Japanese character tattooed on Carter’s shoulder? Ki like keying a car 🚗? Keys 🔑 to life and death ☠️. Hades. Be hat i. 11:12 am pt time can never mend careless whispers of a “good” friend. There’s no comfort in the truth. Pain is all you’ll find. I’m never going to dance 💃🏻 again. 🎶🎼🎵🎤🎧🎸 11:13 am pt

11:36 am pt Instagram. Com/p/WXBue5HMXO/ Maru music? Ammar Malik 11:38 am pt

11:40 songs not music

12:29 pmpt my youngest sister blocked me from texting 💬 her. A lot of people spontaneously stopped messaging me on Facebook when I wrote to them in 2019. My aunt wouldn’t open a letter I wrote to convince her daughter in 2015 not to trust random people online Bcz of my experience with “Brendan” cramps 12:33 pm pt and my cousin didn’t open it either. She deleted it. My aunt seemed afraid 😱. Incubus did bad stuff to my aunt and her husband abandoned her in a time of need and he blamed her as if she did something to deserve what the incubus did to her. I don’t think 💭 she did anything wrong 😑 except marry him Bcz he’s a d*ck. She had 3 of his children 👶. And he made the children 👶 do a lot of labor. 12:37 pmpt there’s nothing wrong with them working a little, but he intentionally neglected them all when he neglected her. Left foot 🦶 bone 🦴 pain. All the children 👶 are very good I think 💭. He did not fix the air conditioning I think 💭 is what I heard. Right foot 🦶 arch pain 12:40 pmpt He’s now remarried and had more children 👶. 12:41 pmpt 12:42 pm pt I feel like I am at a dead ☠️ end. My sister won’t come to see us and she is still avoiding talking to me on my phone ☎️. 12:43 pmpt I have been abandoned like Uriah in battlefield. Incubus really did love 💗 king 🤴 David. Does not matter what he did as long as he loves incubus. 12:45 pmpt now my aunt has a nice house 🏠 Bcz my uncle is a jerk. 12:47 pm pt

12:48 pmpt incubus is an actor. If he did have phone ☎️ s*x with me he I guess was very detached and will do it with any one. It didn’t matter to him like it mattered to me in 2001, but it didn’t meet all my needs so since 2016? The romance and magic 🪄 of those times that I clinged to for years like gatsby died when I was confronted with his cruelty and selfish behavior (left hip bone 🦴 pain 12:54 pmpt) in 2016. When I watched the voice starting October 8? 2016 sometime after that the incubus said “I’m with Brendan.” To me he was saying Lean. On the voice people only knew of Brendan singing 🎵 true colors 🎧 song. Fletcher? Was it? 12:57 pmpt

1:06 pmpt everyone is ignoring me. Leaving me to die. 1:07 pm pt. I think 💭 incubus doesn’t need me and wants me to die. He wants me to commit suicide. He toyed 🧸 with me to make me neglect myself. Bcz my sister won’t talk to me I felt that I have to commit suicide. 1:10 pm pt (left heel left hip joint pain 1:11 pmpt. I only have mom and she is not great. Complained about health 😞. 1:12 pmpt jordi died. What does that mean for me? 1:13 pmpt he’s really into all the younger women for himself. It’s no joke or lie. 1:14 pmpt

1:19 pmpt incubus burned scorched right lower side. Hurts. Probably meant to kill me with starvation. Been doing it for many months, since last year. 1:21 pmpt. He put me in this weird position to be rejected 🙅‍♀️. Scott did not even express interest in having children 👶 at all to me. But he is probably doing very well. Dating teens. 1:23 pmpt left ankle pain. I feel now literally incubus has no intention to be kind to me ever. He hurt me first. 1:24 pmpt

2 pmpt my anus area was burned with acid very harshly. I found out it is completely bloody 🩸. It is as bad as it felt. 2:01 pmpt wow. I’m in shock. I should not be but I am. Denial denial denial all the time. I try not to be. Don’t worry ammar, it seems you were far more valuable to incubus than I am Bcz he needs someone to kill a lot of people for him. I was so naïve. That we could bring down the population in a peaceful way. Like March madness matches. Only one kid per family. But I guess some people really are better than others? Should we kill off all the men except for the 100 💯 sexiest alive? And all take turns with them? So the population starts looking homogeneous? We can all start to look 👀 alike like agent smith? In the matrix? We can all be agent smith in the future!? 2:07 pmpt then incubus woul have tattoo everyone on the face Bcz we all start to look 👀 alike. 2:08 pmpt maybe then he will get tired of (acid throat pain 2:08 pmpt) seeing the same face (acid throat pain 2:08 pmpt) and start changing our faces Bcz he misses the old varied faces. 2:09 pmpt

2:11 pmpt on tv 📺 maybe 2 weeks ago it said 1.2 million women go into menopause I forgot how often , maybe annually? 2:12 pmpt what’s accurate? Sounds like a lot of women. 2:12 pmpt chest pain 2:13 pmpt. Why was I born? To be unhappy ? I was born to be unloved and in desolation. Born to be a sacrifice to appease an evil 🦹‍♂️ river god of s*x? Dugard said she was made to believe that she was a sacrifice that saved all the other little girls. That she was a hero. What happened to her I consider bad. But god wants me to think it’s good. I can feel that. 2:16 pmpt if dugard knew everyone in the world 🌎 saw a reality knew a reality she didn’t know existed and in that reality everyone judged her to be a villain 🦹‍♀️ so they justified what happened to her so they can go on with their lives not caring about her, how would that shatter her? That people have justified her rape? Including god? Incubus? To everyone else behind her back only to be revealed during the apocalypse? 2:18 pmpt awful. Sh*tty. Undeserving. 2:28 pmpt 2:19 pmpt neck pain sharp

2:47 pmpt I have been left alone to figure out that that utopia is not doable? Even if it involves probably being close to what it is now only a limit placed on family/offspring count. 2:48 pmpt

2:49 pmpt if there’s no crime and illness then we would have more time for dating and being sure? 2:50 pmpt

3:11 pmpt stinging hot acid pain right butt cheek. Left brow bone 🦴 pain again and again. Maybe it happened already???? Aagent smith. Matrix. 3:12 pmpt

5:22 pmpt my experience is that I can’t force anyone to do what they don’t want to. Women can’t have s*x w/ a man who doesn’t want to? Hypothesis. Can’t do it if p*nis is limp? I’ve seen a movie 🎥 wedding banquet? Gay man married straight woman. They got drunk 🥴 and they did it. How often does it happen tho? Acid brain 🧠 pain. But they got (acid brain 🧠 pain 5:28 pmpt😖😭😫😩) 5:29 pmpt

6:31 pmpt I think 🤔 all the symbolism attached to me means if you let me die you’re acknowledging you are corrupt and a rapist? Bcz I am categorically probably a sacrifice like Jon benet Ramsey and dugard? 6:33 pmpt. Any doctors 🥼 who let me die and anyone who set me up to die are linked to human trafficking Bcz “Brendan” wanted to buy me a plane ✈️ ticket 🎫 when I was 16 years old. If there’s a pattern of corruption in cops 👮‍♂️ in a bunch of areas, it’s more probable that it is all areas and Brendan lean is a lynchpin for all s*x trafficking of minors. But you all want to protect him over me, this will go on for another 2000 years. That’s what my death ☠️ means. Autocorrect: deal dear. 6:38 pmpt all EARTH 🌍 is agreed with my death ☠️. You will all suffer from my death ☠️ onward. That’s what that means. Odin ? Was that the Norse god who travels the skies 🌌 some thing called the hunt? Sounds scary. That’s Nick Carter’s son’s name. 6:40 pmpt

6:51 pmpt Asian women are highly s*xualizes and murdered? ABC article I tweeted about Georgia? (Acid brain 🧠 pain 6:52 pmpt) Sierra LaMar is half Japanese. The nbc news 📰 and cops 👮‍♂️ said it was a hoax when Sierra asked for help Bcz she was kidnapped. Those who covered up 🆙 are most likely doing it Bcz they are s*x human trafficking. They’re most likely involved with that and trying to cover up 🆙 by framing some one else. Oakland cops 👮‍♂️ was forcing prostitution of a 16 year old. 1207 <- Pearl Harbor Sierra LaMar’s beginning case numbers. Scott cano likes to have s*x w/ teens. 6:56 pmpt Courtney woods/wood in 2010/2011. 12/07 David Scott cano’s bday. Friends with cops 👮‍♂️. Even though they did not find her body they have him in prison for murder even though she was probably In Saratoga in a house 🏠 w/ a red door 🚪. She could still be alive. Me and Sierra LaMar have a lot of similarities. Brendan Lean was probably my neighbor since at least 2011. He was a landscaper. We don’t know what the cops 👮‍♂️ intentions were when they labeled it a hoax. Remember Georgia and Oakland. 7:01 pmpt and rapists justify. 7:02 pmpt

7:03 pmpt s*xuallized not s*xulizes.

7:55 pmpt 2017?2018? Incubus gave me a hard time about making decisions. I have to decide in the moment to commit to an action otherwise the opportunity is gone. I don’t know how true it is Bcz he’s always lying 🤥. But if it is, then there won’t be a second chance. It will be set in stone. You will be stuck. 7:57 pmpt 7:58 pmpt if he’s really ordering people around to rape people is that fascism? 7:58 pmpt. Slavery? Sold soul to the devil 👿? Is it a threat? Bcz I’m threatened all the time but I don’t have a choice but to take this. Young people don’t do much these days I guess? Onlyfans. Random little things for pr. Pornography? = onlyfans? I’ve only seen a little bit of one persons only fans and she was ranting and showing her boobs. About money 💰 I think 💭 I remember. 8:01 pmpt 8:02 pmpt

8:06 pmpt how unromantic to let me die. I guess love 💗 is dead 💀 in incubus. 8:06 pmpt love 💗 is dead ☠️ with rape? I need the definition of fascism again. 8:08 pmpt yeah it’s the same thing over again he claimed behati forced him to marry her and every time I think (acid pain brain 🧠 8:09 pmpdt ) I believe him or write ✍️ something or say it out loud he shows an intimate picture of the 2 of them. It’s very pavlovs dog 🐶 I guess. 8:11 pmpt. Yeah thanks 🙏. I don’t like his face anymore Bcz he looks like he’s plotting murder all the time. 8:12 pmpt. I saw 👀 a picture of him touching her boob. It’s what ever now. Romance is dead. No more love 💗 songs necessary in a purely rapist corrupt society. To fall in love 😻 with incubus is a death ☠️ sentence therefore to listen 👂 to his Siren song 🎶 would only let me down. Like Shannon Ruth. A FAN. Nick Carter justified rape with his ki? Japanese tattoo. Prejudged even though she may be gave him the benefit of the doubt? Tummy ache 😖😭 the biggest let down to a young fan. Someone so greedy. Taking whatever he wants when he wants without regard for her well being and feelings. 😖😭😫😩😞 8:18 pmpt biggest insult to all fans everywhere. 8:19 pmpt

8:33 pmpt katakana. Does anyone know when he got that tattoo? Shoulder. Ki. Looks young in the picture. 8:34 pmpt

8:37 pmpt started burning 🔥 my left thigh and did my butt for several days. Incubus if you cut my head you can stop 🛑 my suffering and have the whole skeleton at once. 😑😖😭🥵😤 8:39 pmpt stop 🛑 saying shawna like you’re happy about 🪚 sawing me. Sometimes it sounds like that when he sings sugar. Acid brain 🧠 pain it was going to happen anyway. I don’t like 👍 it! I don’t like you! Keep your hands 🙌 on behati’s boobs where I can see them. 8:42 pmpt I don’t care 🤷🏻‍♀️ why would I now? 8:42 pmpt I’m prediabetic Bcz of him. It kills romance for me. 8:43 pmpt

8:47 pmpt and he likes child 🧒 rape. Another red flag 🚩. 8:47 pmpt him and his family endorsed it. 8:48 pmpt Jon benet Ramsey, dugard, Elizabeth smart? Possibly Sierra LaMar, too. 8:49 pmpt you like a system and men like that? You let me die and it will speak about your character for eternity. 8:50 pmpt trials shouldn’t be postponed for carter. 8:50 pmpt

9:17 pmpt incubus burned my butt. It might be killing the bone 🦴 making it easier to chip away. Nick Carter’s tattoo. 9:19 pmpt unfortunately for me the butt bone 🦴 is probably not that thick. So he might actually be taking it completely away. Not a lovely thing to do. Raping is very predatory. Like a hunter. Narwhals and rabbits 🐇 do they only survive by magic 🪄? 9:21 pmpt 9:22 pmpt incubus faked me out with Brandon Boyd’s invisible man 👨 Instagram avatar? Icon? 9:23 pmpt. Incubus/god really advocates the raping of 11 year olds and younger Bcz they really are heinous. 9:24 pmpt. That’s what my death ☠️ symbolizes. The continuation of sacrifice ig children 👶 to men for s*xual predatory behavior. Alike to the sacrifice to a wicked demonic god of a river or ocean 🌊/sea. The siren 🚨 🧜‍♂️ 9:26

9:29 pmpt in a world 🌎 with billions of people rape should be outlawed. 9:30 🕤 a rapist system includes greed/selfishness, exhibiting the worst character traits of a human, landfills and wastefulness, organized crime, untrustworthy “professionals,” making for a weak and unpleasant unpeaceful economy. 9:32 pmpt (autocorrect: unpractical 9:33 pmpt = incubus says a world 🌎 w/o rape is unpractical I guess? I had a thought 💭 but I got cramps 😖😭 I don’t remember right foot 🦶 hot burned 9:35 pmpt) rape is unromantic cold 🥶 not humane. We should outlaw romance romantic songs and movies if we are going to allow rape to be normalized by incubus. 9:36 pmpt

9:42 pmpt the fish 🎣 at the bottom of the ocean 🌊 in (acid throat pain 9:43 pmpt) finding Nemo. Ladies ! Just keep swimming 🏊‍♀️!

9:56 pmpt I looked 👀 again at that new planet 🌎 if I found the same one ☝️ then it is 100 light 💡 years away. That doesn’t sound good to me. I jumped to conclusions Bcz of that d*mm anime. And incubus toying with me. 9:58 pmpt I hope there’s another one closer (autocorrect: nothing 9:58 pmpt )

10:10 pmpt maybe 100 light 💡 years is wrong ? Maybe it is closer? How do they see 100 light 💡 years away? If it takes 100 years to see the light how do you see something that is probably only reflecting light 💡 half the time? Shouldn’t you only see light Not actual objects? I don’t get it . Am I wishful thinking 💭 I probably am. Unless they have internet down there 100 light years away to transmit an internet signal through relays of satellites 🛰 trying to figure out what sounds logical w/o knowing much. Socratic method. 10:14 pmpt

10:16 pmpt yup I recalled the TESS. Testing memory and trying to figure it out. 10:17 pmpt

10:22 pmpt it really is far then. Had too much hope for nothing. 10:24 pmpt . I wish incubus will cut my head off then. 10:25 pmpt this life is too tortured to be worth living. 10:25 pmpt would need a very fast plane ✈️/shuttle with a worm hole 🕳. 10:26 pmpt I don’t trust anyone who let me suffer. Especially during covid. 10:27 pmpt right shin pain. 10:28 pmpt

10:38 pmpt I’m stupid. 10:39 pmpt incubus cut off my head now! Please stop 🛑 hurting me. Cut my head please. No one’s doing anything about Sierra LaMar and composting at the hotel. I need another bin. 10:41 pmpt hot sting left upper thigh hip 😖😭😫🥵

11:10 pmpt this probably won’t help me at all but when I was a baby 👶 I lived in me looking park. Stereo hearts 💕 connection? 11:11 pmpt he burned my hip joints it feels acidic Bcz it stings with how hot it is. 11:12 pmpt this isn’t fair! Cramps.

Zzz 11:17 pmpt I did not want to be alone! You keep taking away my feelings! Making me confused! How dare you say things as if I didn’t want MORE! Genuine feelings and love 💗! (Pain right foot 🦶 11:19 pmpt)(acid brain 🧠 pain right foot 🦶 bottom abrasive pain 11:20 pmpt) I was afraid 😱 to meet more people and try again. I wanted the search 🔦 to be (<-what’s w/this ?. I put ! 11:33 pmpt) I wanted to find someone already. 11:21 pmpt why do I get the worst treatment all the time! 11:23 pmpt. I HATE YOU! 11:23 pmpt

11:28 pmpt every guy seems to try to manipulate me into having s*x too early and then gas ⛽️ light 💡 me about their intentions. They’re lucky 🍀 I tolerated them at all. Trying to give them a chance even when I don’t feel 100% like it. Unfortunately I should have listened to those feelings more probably and stop 🛑 trying to get to know them and keep them interested (left eye 👁 abrasive pain 11:31 pmpt) with out giving into s*x. But I failed! Over and over again. Speak 🗣 for yourself if you want to talk about people who pretend to Love 💗 people. Jordi is dead ☠️!

11:34 pmpt

11:36 pmpt cut my head off and leave me alone incubus. 12:56 am pt unfortunately Adam Noah Levine has prematurely judged me when I was a kid 👧 and he was probably 15 years old when I was 9 years old. I shared my colored pencils ✏️ and markers with the whole class when I was 7 years old. He looked over there or claimed it as something that I should have no credit claiming. He is prejudiced against me. He refuses to acknowledge when I wanted to feel something real even though I had too much fear to be myself completely. I grew up 🆙 learning to watch what I say a lot Bcz my mom was always annoyed with me. I had to learn to walk on egg 🥚 shells . He still holds it against me for not completely being myself. He splashed more acid in my brain 🧠 while I tried to sleep 😴. Unfortunately for us he is hypocritical and overly critical. Without understanding. Without sympathy 💐 or empathy. It is alarming and overwhelming that we have thus type of person to deal with having the power to destroy us yet claim to have righteous judgment. 1:03 am pt

1:04 am pt in 2010 I had the goal 🥅 to change myself to be more honest natural and in a good mood si that I might be more naturally good to people Bcz I usually felt I couldn’t talk to anyone unless I could present myself in a happy state of mind. 1:07 am pt I believe I already wrote all this in tumblr and that I did reach my goal 🥅 but incubus took it away. 1:07 am pt 1:08 am pt

1:08 I don’t recall telling Scott my feelings except when I said we should not have s*x and that I liked josh b4 he bit me. 1:09 am pt I think 💭 he didn’t really care to really hear 👂 my feelings and he was too busy trying to set me up 🆙 to fall and look 👀 bad. 1:10 am pt he asked me once if I liked him but he didn’t seem to care again. I thought 💭 I remembered (tummy ache hot ����😭1:11 am pt) looking down feeling shame that I could not say yes. But he didn’t really respond to my absence of a verbal answer. He seems to like to ask things (right ankle pain 1:13 am pt) but then it seemed like only for show. Bcz he didn’t allow me to verbally decline kissing 😽 him. He didn’t respect me verbally declining s*x. When he asked about the condom I laid there with my eyes 👀 closed trying to figure out what to say and to have the strength to say. I think 💭 I might have been paralyzed? In a way from being able to respond. He waited for maybe 45 seconds? And proceeded to do what he wanted with me without respect. No condom. I had talked to a doctor 👩‍⚕️ after it happened and the doctor believed he got the cat 🐈 hair on it intentionally (pain bottoms of feet 🦶 1:18 am pt). He asks for show. But doesn’t care what you answer. He will get what he wants from me regardless of what I want or need. 1:19 am pt vag pain left foot 🦶 pain 1:20 am pt

1:23 am pt I started thinking 💭 that whoever touched me with my eyes 👀 closed must have been a woman 👩🏼. 1:24 am pt

1:31 am ptmouth acid pain right shin bone 🦴 acid 1:31 am pt he only had one condom left and he got cat 🐱 hair on it from the bed 🛌. 1:33 am pt

1:34 am pt I think 💭 I might have saw the condom box 📦 but did not commit it to memory. Maybe 🤔 he used all the condoms with other girls b4 me? 😑😩🥵😤 1:35 am pt

1:50 am pt I guess some people think 💭 I’m a b*txh. I ve been in pain all my life. You wouldn’t understand if you were allowed to grow to your natural height. I don’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️ how tall you are but I’m under 5’2” like Sierra LaMar and the similarities don’t stop 🛑 there. One of my parents was 5’7” I think 💭. 1:53 am pt. Every time I got sick 🤒 I always hoped it would be the last time Bcz it was agony. 1:54 am pt my uncle had money 💰. I asked my mom to confirm. They gave us money 💰 for the pizza 🍕 but yes I was a little selfish. I grew up being very thin and short. My dad was a teacher 👨🏻‍🏫 and complained about his work environment and he was very frugal. He composted. He took out his own trash 🗑. The students on campus threatened his life pushing him into the rails but he had to follow specific rules to not get in trouble for defending himself. Security guards walked the campus Bcz students set trash cans 🗑 on fire 🔥. If I looked unhappy with my resting face I got lectured. 1:59 am pt

2:21 am pt when I had my first permanent job I only took vacations to see my sister and when my eczema got bad. It was decided I was to be a sacrifice probably b4 my cousin Jeremy was conceived. Being a sacrifice included painful (hot right cheek pain 2:24 am pt) 3 seasons of running sports when I got shin splints but kept going didn’t quit. I had to rest and ice 🧊, with tall buckets 🪣 of ice water 💦 and pain medication 💊. I dropped chemistry ⚛️ Bcz I was burned out from biology 🧬 summer school 🏫 Bcz I almost failed the second semester being online too much with Nick and “Brendan”.. I think 💭 I got a little obsessed about “Brendan.” I will remind you I did graffiti is art 🖼 for my thesis for senior project of high school 🏫 Bcz I guess I was obsessed a little? (Acid throat pain 2:30 🕝 am pt) I don’t know why I am a b*tch. Maybe Bcz my mom was annoyed with me since I was 4 years old. I used to remember her tone when she told me to clean up my toys 🧸 when I was 4 years old when she came home 🏠 from work and it was dark. 2:31 am pt my sister went off to Pratt after buying a new dx model car 🚗. Mom helped her with the loans and I had stayed at community college for 4 years? And drove a very old cheaper car 🚗. My mom didn’t pay very much for my community college I did federal work study 📚 and grants. I usually tried not to ask for a lot. But my sister did all these things and my mom helped her with the loans. My uncle my cousin’s father worked in the tech industry and said his hands 🙌 are like a surgeons hands 🙌 and claimed he helped invent the gyroscope? For a computer 👨‍💻? 2:35 am pt his father was an inventor, too and had a walnut farm in Missouri. When my aunt worked it’s a pharmacist her boss gave her some gold jewelry as goodby presents. She worked for an old rich man in Saratoga for years. I had a lot of times being sick and eczema problems and other pains like from braces and being called anorexic looking. I once scratched myself in my sleep 😴 and woke up 🆙 with very bloody sheets. I had dark circles under my eyes 👀 which my mom said to sleep more. I was punched in the head very hard 3? Times in a row and my vision blacked out and I became a little autistic maybe? 2:40 and I hit my head a lot very hard on hard surfaces. And I had memory issues. Probably Bcz of it. No one cared that all this was happening to me. I hit my head or was punched and no one did anything for me everytime. 2:41 am pt I didn’t feel normal. I had to deal with everything including my mom getting a hemorrhages cerebral aneurysm when I was a senior. She had high blood pressure. My dad was old and unhappy. My sister although had better health and circumstances than me she blamed me for being weird that I was causing her social problems? She couldn’t take me anywhere. She didn’t like the way I treated a friend of her even though he was a guy and it was my first time meeting him. She wrote something like she didn’t like being protected? Some thing like that in a journal. She didn’t need that from me. But I guess I was weird the way I did it. Bcz I was damaged in the brain 🧠. But no one cared. So if I am scared to spend more money 💰 on someone else when I’m already helping my mom and I have to deal with my fears like my brain 🧠 when no one else would help me since I was a kid then oh well it’s my problem for being a b*tch. 2:47 am pt I’m the problem it’s always me. I forced myself to finish UCB even though my eczema got very bad and teachers and nurses looked at my hands and told me I should drop school Bcz of it. (Acid throat pain 2:48 am pt)

[larluce]

Fortunately the bandit, presumed rapist, isn't killed in the horde of livid and thirst for blood knights, but is badly beaten and injured when they finally bring him to the dungeons. His death sentence is certain, but the knights decide they'll torture him until he confesses what he did and where the rest of his gang is (they didn’t believe Merlin killed his men for a second). It gets to the point even Merlin feels bad for him. He wants to tell the knights what really happened, but he's so afraid they'll see him diferently and they won't forgive him. Especially Arthur.

Suddenly one day he overhears a conversation between Arthur and his knights.

Arthur: (tense) He asked to see Merlin.

Gawain: (furious) This son of a bitch!

Arthur: (in contained fury) He said he wanted to "apologise".

Elyan: And you believe him?

Arthur: It doesn't matter if it's true or not. I'm not letting this man near Merlin.

Merlin: (enters the room) I want to speak to him.

Arthur: Merlin...

Merlin: I deserve that much, don't you think? Please let me speak to him.

Arthur: (conflicted and concerned) Are you sure?

Merlin: (nods) I need this.

Arthur: (sighs) Alright.

There's a bit of a fight, cause Merlin wanted to speak to the man alone. But, with a lot of effort, Merlin manages to convince them and goes to the dungeons.

Merlin: (awkward and wary) Hey... you said you wanted to apologise?

Bandit: (barely nods, cause all his body hurts) All the pain I inflicted you. Was it this bad?

Merlin: (shakes his head) I'm used to physical pain. The torture you did was nothing in that sense. But the cold Iron… it was like my very soul was being ripped apart. So it was worse actually.

Bandit: I'm sorry. I really am. I was just following orders and I don't have anything against sorcerers, I was just mad you murdered my friends.

Merlin: (smiles softly because he can see he's sincere) From king Sarrum, I know. I'm sorry too. I didn't want to kill your men. My... gift... exploded for being restrained for too long.

Bandit: It doesn't matter anymore. (Sighs) They’re going to sentence me to the pyre.

Merlin: What?! 😨

Bandit: That's what they told me. Once they get bored with me, the king is going to give me the most painful death.

Merlin is stunned. Arthur hasn't sentence anyone to the pyre since he became king. Not even the sorcerers he executed during his reign were sentenced like that. Arthur always consider it too cruel.

Bandit: (begs almost in tears) I know I don't have any right to ask. But please, tell them to just kill me already. Please!

Merlin doesn't say anything. Just leaves, very affected. He doesn't feel anything but pity towards the man, but it worries him that Arthur has gone this far. There have been other rapists and his king has never been this sadist with them. He decides it's time to tell the truth.

Merlin: Are you really going to burn him alive?

Arthur: (rather coldly) Is what he deserves for what he did.

Merlin: Right... Arthur, I need to tell you something.

Arthur: (concerned) Did he do something to you?

Merlin: What? No!

Arthur: (incipient rage) Because if he did I'm going to-

Merlin: He never did anything to me!

Arthur: ... what?

Merlin: I mean, he did torture me and stuff, but he never raped me.

Arthur: (shakes his head, sadly) Sometimes you're too nice for your own good, Merlin.

Merlin: What?

Arthur: You don't have to lie just because you feel bad for him. He doesn't deserve your pity, much less your mercy.

Merlin: I'm not lying! I know I should have told you before but it’s true. He never touched me like that. I swear!

Arthur: (with anguish) You don't know how much I want to believe you. How much I wish that was true.

Merlin: It's true!

Arthur: But I've seen you. When I finally find you you were terrafied, Merlin! You wouldn't let anyone near you, much less touch you! You were silent for months. Months! and you hardly slept and when you did sleep you... (cuts himself, the memory too painful)

Merlin: What?

Arthur: You kept having nightmares. Crying for them to stop… and for me to save you (finally breaks, sobbing) And I couldn't. I couldn't save you. (Sits in his bed in a crying mess)

Merlin: (his heart breaking at seeing Arthur like this and feeling guilty for letting him believe this for too long) Arthur... (kneels infront of him and takes his hand) Look at me, please. (Arthur does) Now, I want you to not stop looking at me. No matter how scared you are.

Arthur: (confused) Why would I be scared?

Merlin: Just do it. Please.

Arthur: (still confused but complieds, cause Merlin is holding his hands and he hasn't done that in forever) Okay.

Merlin: (conjures a flower in Arthur's hands)

Arthur: (in shock, but mesmerised at the same time for some reason) What...? What was that.

Merlin: I'm a sorcerer. I have magic. The men that held me captive descovered that and they put me in cold Iron. That's why I was so traumatized. See? (Shows Arthur’s the marks on his wrists and neck) The bandit didn't lie. I did kill all his men while trying to scape. But it was an accident, I swear! I only ever use my magic for you, Arthur. To protect you and Camelot.

Arthur: (still processing) You have magic.

Merlin: Yes.

Arthur: You are a sorcerer.

Merlin: Yes.

Arthur: The bandit didn't lie.

Merlin: Yes! Arthur, are you alright?

Arthur: (so relieved he might cry again) Oh, thank the Gods! (Hugs a very confused Merlin into his arms) Thank the Gods!

MERLIN PROMPT

Merlin is capture by some bandits for information. Normally he would escape quickly, but these ones figure out soon that he has magic and restrain him with cold Iron. They do torture him in other ways to try to make him speak, but being cut off of his magic is what really traumatizes Merlin. He manages to escape in the end, but one of the bandits shouts at him while he’s running that he will tell the king what he is. So, even when Merlin is later save and sound in Camelot, he’s in constant fear his secret will be exposed at any moment.

The thing is, when Arthur, after sending a lot of search parties, finally finds Merlin in the woods all scarred and terrified and later Merlin refuses to talk about what they did to him, yet Merlin flinches of every touch and is constantly a mervous wreck around everyone, he thinks the worst: Merlin was not only tortured, he was raped. His best friend, the person he treasures the most and has feelings for has been hurt in the worst way possible and it was his fault.

Arthur shares his suspicions with the knights, who share his grief, and they make a vow to protect Merlin. They basically take turns watching over him. Even Lancelot believes this, since Merlin hasn’t told him anything either, but he does think there's more to it, because he finds weird Merlin hasn’t been able to defend himself with his magic. They also make their own investigations to find the bastards who did this to Merlin.

Then the day comes where a man appears in the castle, saying he has relevant information for the king regarding his personal manservant. Arthur, believing is someone who has information about the bandits who took Merlin weeks ago, lets him in. However when the man is about to speak Merlin storms in.

Arthur: Merlin? Bandit: (smirks at Merlin) Hello, little pet. Merlin: (to Arthur, begging in full panic mode) Arthur, please don't listen to him! Arthur: You know him? Bandit: (points at Merlin) This man is a sorcerer. He killed all my men with magic! Silence. All the knights and Arthur somber their gazes. Is not the first time Merlin is accused of magic, but it's definitely the first time he looks so terrified. Arthur: That's a grave accusation you're making. Bandit: I can prove it, sire. If you allow me. Arthur: (turns to Merlin) Merlin? (Thinking) Why aren't you denying it? Merlin: (breaks into a crying mess) I'm sorry I didn't want you to find out this way. Bandit: You see? he confessed! Lancelot: Wait, why did you call him like that? Bandit: What? Gawain: (incipient fury) You called him "little pet". Why? Leon: That's a strange way to call the evil sorcerer who killed all your men, don't you think? Arthur: (conects the dots, hardening his features) It was you. You are the bastard who raped him! Merlin and Bandit: (utterly confused) ... what? 😧 Arthur: (roars in rage an launches at the bandit) Gawain: (does the very same thing) Elyan, Percival and Leon: (trying their best to stop Arthur and Gawain despite being as furious cause the man can't pay for his crimes if he's turn into a pulp) Merlin: (too stunned, not knowing what's happening or how to feel)... Lancelot: (to Merlin) He didn't do that to you, did he? Merlin: No. Lancelot: (sighs in relief) Should we tell them? Merlin: Maybe later... when they are, you know, more willing to listen.

[xprojectrpg]

Moment of Awesome - Maya Lincoln-Lopez/Echo:

Unable to restrain herself from confronting Garrison Kane after his betrayal of the team while undercover.

Maya pulled at her hair, unable to truly understand at the moment why she was so pissed off at him. It had seemed clear back when he’d been brought back but now it felt twisted in her head. She was happy the Sentinel program had been stopped and she was happy he wasn’t dead. But why did it have to be him?

“Because you’re better than that. You’re better than making deals with demon lords and fucking Magneto. And if you aren’t, why am I even trying?”

"This isn't a fair world. Sometimes the only decision we have is a bad decision." Kane said, the strange intensity suddenly backing off a bit. "And believe me, I've paid for my decision to not die. You can't imagine what it is like to send people you loathe out and teach them how to hurt friends. People you trained. Some of them since they were almost children. To crack one of their skulls open because you've worked with him so long you know just how badly you can hurt him before he can't recover. You're right. My hands are dripping with blood."

He paused. "And my reward? For all of those impossible choices? The woman I love is gone. The trust I've earned over the years likewise. I've been living under the threat of death in return for the slightest mistake for months; abuse, rape, humiliation. Literally, every inch of my skin burned away with hellfire while I was awake to experience every second of it. But the Sentinel program is dead for now. The Hell Lord is locked away for a thousand years. The Brotherhood got kicked in the teeth and more importantly, they didn't get a chance to hit us when I wasn't in the position to make them guarantee they wouldn't kill one of our own. Most importantly, I made my decision to make sure in the midst of a moment that three teammates got out safely, even if it meant my life in return. Maybe I went too far. And maybe I can never make it right. But I know that the end result is a lot of innocent people aren't going to have to face the worst this world can throw at them. And if I'm the one who has to pay the price for that, then that's what I'll do."

Maya’s face was wet, but she couldn’t have told you when she started crying just that the litany of what he’d gone through had finally pierced through the red haze of rage that had been riding her for days. She gave him a look filled with sorrow, and regret. She’d done it again, just like with Amanda. She’d taken out the anger that would have been focused inward on her own feelings of helplessness and shame on someone who least deserved it. She’d done exactly what Topaz and Amanda had asked her not to.

“I’m an asshole, I’m so sorry.” she simply said.

"You and me both, kid.." He reached out and traced his thumb down her scars. "I am sorry. If I could have spared you this, I would have. But I knew you were strong enough to handle it. I don't know if that matters, but I believed."

“It does. What you said, what you say always matters to me.” Maya admitted, smiling wryly, not worried at the touch. “I hurt someone. When we were on the mission. I’ve been working with Kyle, Matt, and Natasha to give me better options. I’d like your help too if you don’t want to give up on me completely after how I just acted. When you feel up to it, anyway.”

"I will. And I read the reports. You handed Thornn her ass. And she's a giant piece of garbage." He smiled. "Good job."

[old-school-butch]

I’m sorry people are sending you death threats. Those people suck shit and you should absolutely hate them. Anybody who sends threats of violence or rape are vile, vile human beings.

I wish I could talk to you irl. Know how your mind works because I just don’t understand.

Both of our sides deserve love. I don’t think you should be shunned, at all, because women are threatened and hated all of night and day, and nobody deserves to be told to kill themselves or threatened over something they can’t change.

But please, please understand that trans people are also threatened for things we can’t change. I will never be able to change the fact that I am born in a female body and still feel distinctly masculine. My friends will never be able to change the circumstances of how they were born and in what body, or how they truly feel inside. None of us will be able to ignore the very real rape threats, death threats, harassment, and misgendering we receive on the basis of who we are. I would think you’d understand that in a world that tries to kill you the most you can do is fight against it, fight against the people telling you your existence is wrong, your life is wrong, you don’t deserve a place anywhere, let alone this planet.

Trans people’s problems and cis women’s problems are, in the end, very different. But many of our individual problems are similar: restricted access to healthcare, unfair hatred, constant threats of violence or death, objectification, villainization, and now with the internet, constantly being made into cringe lolcows for wanting nothing other than respect.

All the trans people I know are lovely, lovely people. I seriously doubt that those sending you rape threats are, in reality, good people. They probably suck anyway. But many trans people don’t send any hate. The majority are silent because they’ve blocked and forgotten you, as they should, instead of berating and harassing you. Your only exposure to trans people are the few shitheads who think that their threats and harassment is justified, which isn’t your fault. But they aren’t representative of all of us at all. If you ghosted trans tags, talked to real trans people without bringing up the fact that you think they are naturally, instinctively vile people, you might find that most of us are just trying to live our lives in happiness alongside you, without hurting you.

If you refuse to understand, then, well, I don’t know what else to say to you other than your (and your allies) stubbornness to hate me, or pity me, will put my existence in danger.

Thank you for reading all of this. I hope you have a good day.

Hi, this ask was sent a while ago so I apologize for my delay. I thought it important to answer however, so here goes.

We agree that everyone deserves love. We also agree that people face troubles that are sometimes the same and sometimes different, and understanding how that works is hard at times.

Where we differ is your belief that trans issues and 'cis' issues are different. You are female and feel 'masculine'? Wow, me too. You get rape threats? That's a common tool of misogyny to keep women from misbehaving.

You and I both reject the feminine role assigned to us by society. You believe that makes you a man, but I believe that's why I'm a feminist. Our problems aren't really different, but how we've reacted to them is. I reject society's declaration that being female means I must be feminine. You accept that declaration and then conclude that since you aren't feminine, you must not be a woman. When you believe that 'masculine' is a kind of feeling that is possible to have, you are accepting the binary of masculinity and femininity. To me, that assumption is false.

Accepting the labels won't protect you, by the way. Your gender will be socially acceptable only as far as it protects and perpetuates patriarchal goals, it won't protect you from patriarchy when it's an outcome of patriarchy.

For what it's worth, being 'butch' is not too different. But I picked up that term - among the many things I've been called over my life - because if I describe myself as butch then people aren't surprised when they meet me. I think you, too, are articulating yourself in a way that is comprehensible to society. We both need to assess how that process is used by society to fracture solidarity among women.

You're very mistaken in thinking I don't know many trans people. Most of my cohort of butch lesbians has already transitioned to non-binary pronouns if not more. I accepted it for many years, and only recently have I realized how harmful this movement has been. I know literally hundreds of trans people, and my views exist not because I feel unkind or under attack, but because I can't force myself to believe an ideology that is fundamentally untrue.

Masculine isn't a feeling. It's a label that's been applied to you and me as we exist in the world as natural human beings. This experience isn't unusual or unique, it's an everyday coercion faced by all women under the gender ideology that we all have to deal with. When you imagine that your struggles are unique to you, you remove the solidarity that all women need to address our oppression together. It puts women's lives in danger to put men in women's prisons, locker rooms and washrooms. It puts women's lives in danger to derail every feminist movement with detractions about pronouns and 'not everyone with a uterus is a woman' and insisting that men (transwomen) be the centre of feminism. It puts women's lives in danger to take away our ability to put a name on our oppression.

I say to you - try the advice you gave to me. Unplug from the internet and get to know a few dozen or a few hundred radical feminists. Understand where we're coming from without the blocking and avoidance. Both our lives might depend on it.

In sisterhood,

OSB

[deanstead]

Somebody’s Watching

Pairing: Jay Halstead x Reader

Request by danipearl16: Request- Jay has a girlfriend that nobody knows about and then they get a case where she’s being stalked and her stalker is killings women that seem to remind him of her and it turns out to be her ex-boyfriend from high school and Jay starts going downhill a little bit because he’s worried about her. Also his girlfriend is more on the younger than his side by 7 years

Word Count: 4,365

Warnings: cursing, mention of sexual assault/misconduct (non-graphic), mention of non-con touching, stalking, minor OC death, mention of injury, angst, fluff

A/N: Please beware of the triggers before you continue reading! I changed some parts to fit into the storyline but I still hope you like what I did with it! I’m pretty excited about this fic so I really really hope yall will like it! It’s my first time writing such a detailed case in so I hope it turned out well? Please hit me up and let me know what you think! Love yall!

---

You looked up from where you were sprawled on the couch, fiddling with your phone. Jay was sitting at the table, a small frown across his face as he pored over case notes.

Jay usually didn’t bring his work home with him but they’d just closed a big case and he had spent a whole week in the district. So instead of spending more time there to finish the paperwork, Jay had opted to bring it home instead.

You smiled to yourself just as Jay looked up. “Sorry babe.” He said, making a little face at the papers strewn across the table.

Chuckling, you climbed off the couch and moved towards him. You stood behind him, looping your arms around his shoulders, resting your chin on his shoulder. “I missed you.” You whispered.

Jay turned slightly, tugging you so that you now landed in his lap.

“Missed you too.” He whispered, smiling as one of his arms snaked around your waist, holding you securely to him, another hand reaching up to cup your cheek. “Sorry I’ve been busy.”

You shook your head, smiling.

You’d been dating for a while but no one else knew. Both of you had agreed to keep it on the down low, partly because of your age difference. Even though you had agreed you’d keep it quiet at least for the first few months, it had been a lot more than that and it had been going so well that you didn’t really want to purposefully invite anyone into this world that Jay and you had created for yourselves. Rather than keeping it a secret, you guys just hadn’t made the effort to tell anyone or publicize it to the world. This also meant that when he was stuck at the district, you didn’t get to see him but on such days, Jay was always mindful about checking in.

“What’s on your mind?” Jay asked.

“Just thinking I’m lucky to have you.” You responded, leaning in to try to give him a hug. Instead, Jay stroked your cheek and pressed his lips to yours. “Now, I really need to finish this.”

You laughed. “Go forth.”

---

Jay had taken a few well-deserved days of furlough, which he had mostly spent curled up with you. You didn’t have any complaints, it had been just what you both needed.

But Intelligence couldn’t catch a break. It was Jay’s first day back and now, he was already walking up to a crime scene.

Jay pushed the yellow crime scene tape upwards, letting Hailey walk through ahead of him before following behind her.

“What do we have?” Jay asked, approaching the spot where Adam and Kim were standing.

Kim turned. “Kate Whitewood, 22, stabbed multiple times.”

“She’s not in the system. No priors, nothing.” Adam added.

“No belongings on her?” Voight asked, looking around.

Adam shook his head. Jay frowned. “There’s barely any blood here.”

Kevin nodded, jogging forward to join them. “This is probably just the dump site. She must have been killed elsewhere.”

Hailey stood from where she had bent to examine the body. “She has defensive wounds on her. Maybe we’ll get lucky and find skin under her fingernails.”

Jay bent forward slightly. “What are those? Marks around her neck? We need to get her to the ME to get the exact cause of death.”

“Kim, bag her hands and get forensics to run a deluxe.” Voight said, as Kim nodded.

“My CI works this street, let me see what I can find out.” Jay said, turning away.

---

“So Kate was last seen at this bar right in town.” Hailey said, walking in and sticking a screenshot onto the board, which showed a camera view of the street outside the bar.

Kate could be seen on the image, her head turned slightly as she waved to someone, a man standing by her side. Hailey tapped the image.

“We can’t find this guy. His face is always turned away from the camera, facial recognition is out.”

Voight nodded. “Jay, have you heard from your CI?”

Jay nodded, resting slightly against Hailey’s desk, his arms crossed in front of him. “My guy says there haven’t been any deals going down. I think we can rule out drugs or gangs. Streets have been quiet ever since that big bust we did last month.”

“It was 28 degrees out last night, ME couldn’t find the exact time of death. But there were signs she was raped, signs of asphyxiation and five penetration wounds from a knife.” Kevin said, opening the file he had gotten from the medical examiner earlier.

Voight turned to Kim. “Who was she?”

Kim sighed. “Kate was a hard worker, she had just started her job as a receptionist at a dentist’s office in South Loop. Dad’s MIA, Mum’s remarried and relocated to New York so she’s living on her own.”

“Have we found who she was with last night?”

Adam nodded. “I’ve gone through her phone. Looks like she was meeting her friend Grace at the club last night.”

“We need to talk to her. I want to know about the last day of Kate’s life. Timeline. Check all sex offenders in the area. Comb her social media. Let’s go.” Voight instructed.

---

Jay knocked on the main door, glancing sideways at Hailey. The door swung open.

“Grace Archer? I’m Detective Upton, this is Detective Halstead, can we come in?” Hailey asked.

She furrowed her brows. “What’s this about?”

“You’re friends with Kate Whitewood?” Hailey asked, without directly answering her question. She nodded and without missing a beat, Hailey continued, “We need to ask you a few questions about last night.”

Grace stepped back to let them in, her face falling as she led them to the sitting room.

“I heard from her parents. The whole thing’s horrible.” Grace whispered, wrapping her hands around herself.

“Can you tell us what you remember?” Jay asked.

Grace looked up. “Kate’s boyfriend had broken up with her a few months ago, so I took her out. She needed to get out again.”

“Were you approached by anyone?” Hailey asked.

“Several.” She answered.

“Anyone that stood out?”

Grace paused, trying to recall. “Kate didn’t even really want to go. She barely looked at the guys… except…”

Hailey sat up a little. “There must have been something about this guy that she left with, something unique. We have a photo of him on the surveillance tape. Flashy?”

Grace nodded, “Yeah, he had this like... attitude… like he was hitting on us but he was making a joke of it at the same time.” She paused. “The last thing she told me was that she had a great time… I shouldn’t have forced her to come out.”

“This isn’t your fault.” Hailey leaned over and patted Grace comfortingly on the arm. “Thanks for talking to us. Please call us if you think of anything else.”

As Jay walked out of Grace’s house with Hailey, he looked at his partner. “This guy’s confident, he’s smooth and it doesn’t look like he knew Kate or Grace.”

---

For the rest of the day, the team had almost combed through the whole of Kate’s whereabouts before she had disappeared and all they had was a big fat nothing.

Jay typed a quick text to you to let you know that he wasn’t going to be able to come over tonight.

You read the text, smiling a little. Jay was busy but it was cute that he always kept you informed. You stopped walking, typing back a reply to tell him it was okay and to do what he had to do, before you kept her phone back into your pocket.

You walked along the street, the same street you walked on every night, frowning a little. You turned around, scanning the street behind you.

You could swear that it was like someone was watching you, or following you. But the street was empty. This wasn’t the first time you had had this feeling - like the little hairs on the back of your neck were standing but you had nothing to back up this feeling you had.

Holding your bag tighter against you, you pushed yourself forward, quickening your footsteps, only letting up as you passed the safety of your apartment building’s front door.

As you passed the threshold of your apartment and closed the door behind you, you pulled out your phone, staring at it for a while. Part of you wanted to call Jay, to hear his voice and have him tell you that you were just tired, imagining things. But the rational part of your brain convinced yourself that everything was okay, reminding you that Jay was so busy and deep in a case, he really shouldn’t have to worry about you.

Ultimately, you put your phone on the counter, chuckling at yourself. Maybe you really were too tired.

---

By the next morning, another body had turned up, not two streets away from the first dump site.

Jay felt an uneasy feeling spread in the pit of his stomach as he stared at the photo of the new victim that was already up on the board. They had a serial killer in Chicago and this guy’s victim type had physical characteristics that were scarily similar to you.

“Jay.” Hailey broke Jay out of his thoughts. “Emma Green, 23, strangulation marks, six stab wounds.”

Jay turned to his partner and nodded. “Did they go to the same club?”

Hailey handed Jay a file. “No, but look at what we picked up on the surveillance camera.” Jay opened the file, studying the photo.

“This is our guy isn’t it?” He pointed at a male figure who was standing next to their second victim, his face still hidden from the camera, wearing a plain cap.

“Hey guys, I might have found a link.” Kim said, walking in. “I checked the employee records and there’s a bartender that works in both clubs and he was on shift on each day our victims went missing. He’s got a prior for aggravated assault and harassment.”

“We’ll take it.” Jay said, grabbing his jacket and heading out of the district.

Hailey fell into step next to him, glancing at him. “Jay, you okay?”

Jay nodded. “Let’s just get this son of a bitch.”

They travelled the rest of the way in silence. Hailey seemed to pick up that this case was affecting Jay differently but she didn’t press further, allowing Jay to lead the way into the closed club.

“Ben Carlton?”

The bartender looked up from where he was, his eyes falling onto the police badge that was hung around Jay’s neck.

In a sudden motion, he ducked out and ran.

“Hey, stop!” Jay yelled, as both he and Hailey launched themselves after him, Hailey shooting out the front door to try to head him off.

“5021 George, I have a suspect fleeing on foot.” Jay called into his radio, sprinting after the bartender.

The bartender barely made it onto the next street before Hailey flung herself at him around the corner, rolling onto the ground as Jay pulled out his gun. “Don’t move!” He yelled, as Hailey pulled the bartender to his feet.

“Let’s go.” Jay snarled.

---

“It wasn’t me!” Ben yelled as he sat in the interrogation room, facing Jay and Hailey.

Jay sighed internally, watching Ben’s reactions and the way he was answering the questions Hailey was shooting at him.

“Those were mistakes, I didn’t do this!” He yelled again.

Jay pushed himself upright, getting up from where he was leaning against the wall and pushing the photos of the victims onto the table. “This. Look at this. We can place these girls at the bars you worked at just before they died.”

“Look.” Ben said, looking up at Jay. “I saw them but they left before I even finished my shift.”

Jay glanced at Hailey. “Who did they leave with?” Hailey asked.

Ben looked from Hailey to Jay. “Look, I don’t know the guy, he’s not a regular. But he’s white, about their age. I noticed him because he headed for them the moment that he walked in. Like he knew they were there.”

Before Jay or Hailey moved, a knock came from the door.

“You guys gotta see this.” Adam said, sticking his head in.

“Sit tight.” Jay said to Ben, following Adam outside, where Kevin was waiting as well.

Kevin handed the file to Jay. “We got another one.” Jay flipped open the file, which told him what he already feared. Another victim, of a physical type that not only matched the first two victims but also you.

Jay looked up. “His cooling off period is getting shorter. We need to get this son of a bitch.”

---

The feeling was getting a little stronger that someone had been watching you.

You glanced over your shoulder but as usual the street was empty. Maybe you needed to stop staying late.

You turned back towards the front. There were sounds of footsteps but you swallowed the lump in your throat, quickening your pace as discreetly as you could.

It definitely felt like someone was following you now. You were almost running by the time you rounded the corner, colliding with someone.

You gave a yelp of surprise.

“Y/N!”

You had collided with Jay.

You let out a breath, spinning around to look over your shoulder.

“What’s going on? You okay?” Jay’s eyes snapped from you to the empty street behind you.

You turned back to look at Jay. Now that he was standing in front of you, it didn’t seem that scary anymore - maybe you had imagined the whole thing.

You shook your head, taking one last glance behind you. “What are you doing here? You finished the case?”

Jay smiled but the smile didn’t really reach his eyes. “Just wanted to check in on you. I have to go back soon.”

You reached for his hand without saying anything and that’s how the both of you walked back to your apartment, your hand clenched securely in his, almost like the both of you had a tight bubble around you.

You could tell Jay’s mind was far away, and it was even more unlike him to come see you in the middle of a case. You knew there was something troubling him but you weren’t one to press. Jay would tell you when he felt he could or he wanted to.

Instead, you just squeezed his hand.

Almost as if you were prying him from his thoughts, Jay looked at you and smiled. He pulled you closer to him, tucking you under his arm.

“You’re okay, right?” You asked, without looking up at him, just as he escorted you to your door.

Jay turned to look at you and nodded. “I will be, once this case is over.” He leaned forward to give you a kiss. “If anything happens, you call me, okay? No matter what.”

You raised an eyebrow but nodded at him, watching him disappear into the elevator before you retreated back into your apartment.

---

Intelligence had been tirelessly chasing down leads but they now had four bodies and Voight was getting pressure to solve this quickly as well. They needed a break in this case and fast.

“Okay, let’s regroup, what do we have so far?” Voight barked.

“All four victims were raped and found with multiple stab wounds. We know he picks up his victims from bars and appears non-threatening enough that his victims are willing to leave with him.” Jay said, getting up.

Hailey headed to the board, frowning. “We dumped their phones but we weren’t able to find any connection between the victims other than their physical type.” Hailey cast a look at Jay, which Voight didn’t miss. “I think he’s working his way up to something.”

“Hey guys?” Kim spoke up as she walked back in, flipping open the file sitting on her desk. “I went back over the first murder to see if we missed anything. Look at this.”

Kim pulled in her chair, zooming into the photo. “This badge here on his jacket, it’s barely visible so we missed it the first few times. I sent it to the lab to see if they could enhance the image and this is what I got.”

Kim clicked and up popped the crest of a high school. “Look, it’s not just a general badge. Look at the year.”

“Okay, that is the crest for Lincoln High. It’s a jacket given to those who graduated that year.” Kevin said, frowning at it.

“I’ll run the list of students who graduated in that year.” Jay barked, heading straight for his desk, his fingers flying across his keyboard.

Cross-checking was the worst job ever but the moment Jay’s eyes landed on your name on the list of graduates, he pulled it together, eliminating the women, men who had moved out of state or country, until finally he only had three names on the list.

“Okay, I have a Steven Miller, Charles Shoemaker and John Marlin.” Jay finally spoke up as everyone looked up. “But only Steven Miller has priors.”

“For harassment, sexual misconduct, and attempted assault. Sarge, this has to be our guy.” Jay looked up at Voight.

“Do we have an LKA?” Voight asked.

“Already on it.” Adam said.

“Go pick him up.” Adam nodded, motioning to Kevin as they headed out.

Something was bugging Jay. Steven Miller. That name was…

Fuck.

Jay pushed back his chair, entering Voight’s office without knocking and closing the door behind him.

“Sarge.”

Voight looked up, frowning a little at the look on Jay’s face. He put down his pen and leaned back in his chair, looking up at Jay.

“I’ve heard Miller’s name before. It was bugging me, but I remember now.”

Voight sat up straighter.

“I’m seeing his ex-girlfriend.” The words slipped past Jay’s lips. “Sarge, everything makes sense now. The physical type, the way he’s building up because his actual target…” Jay trailed off.

You had told Jay about Steven just once. You hadn’t gone into detail but you had told Jay about the short period that you had been together with Steven – his need for control over all aspects of your life, how he had always been a little rough, how he hadn’t taken any form of rejection well, and how you’d ended it the day he struck you.

“Take Hailey.”

Jay was already halfway to the door.

---

You had left early today.

It had been a while since you had done such an early shift but you’d been feeling more and more uneasy while walking home at night and the news coverage on the murders that were happening at the moment didn’t help.

You didn’t need Jay to tell you that you looked exactly like those girls who had been murdered. It was clear as day.

You fiddled with the key in the lock, opening the door.

You felt your heart drop into your stomach as you registered the person standing in front of you. In your house.

“Steven.” You muttered, your voice trembling, barely registering the butt of a gun heading towards your temple before it went dark.

---

Hailey hadn’t said anything but she knew something was off.

“Jay, what’s going on?” She asked. “How do you know this girl’s the target?”

Jay didn’t answer but pressed harder on the accelerator, gripping the steering wheel so hard, his knuckles were white. The ringing tone going off through his bluetooth speaker in the car making him feel even worse.

“Jay.” Hailey said again. “I’m your partner.”

Jay glanced at her now. “She’s my girlfriend.”

Hailey’s eyebrows shot up. “I didn’t even know you were seeing someone.”

Jay let a beat of silence passed. “Miller’s her ex. I should have seen the signs, the physical type, everything, I…”

“Jay. She’ll be fine. Come on.” Hailey reassured him, as he turned his truck onto the familiar street.

“She’s still not answering.” Jay said, through gritted teeth. He’d been trying to call you since he had left the station.

Without hesitation, Jay bounded up the stairs, Hailey right behind him. From down the corridor, Jay could already tell your door was slightly ajar.

“Hang back.” Jay whispered, pulling out his service weapon.

Jay quietly approached the door. “Y/N?” He opened the door with his foot, freezing as his eyes landed on you, sitting in a chair in the middle of the room, your eyes frantic as Steven held a knife to your throat from where he stood behind you.

Jay gritted his teeth, using his foot to slam the door shut, knowing that Hailey would know what to do.

“Step away from her.” Jay growled, pointing his gun directly at Steven.

Steven smiled. “I was wondering when you’d arrive. Put that down.”

Jay grinded his teeth but didn’t move. You felt the cold blade of the knife press against your skin and inhaled sharply.

“Put. It. Down.” Steven repeated.

“Okay, okay.” Jay said, glancing at you before putting his hands above his head, disarming his gun and putting it down onto the floor.

Steven smiled again, tucking a stray hair behind your ear.

“Don’t you fucking touch her.” Jay growled.

“I don’t think you’re in a position to tell me what to do.” Steven answered.

“Jay, I’m sorry.” You whispered.

Jay looked straight at you. “It’s going to be okay. You focus on me, you hear me? I’m right here.”

“We broke up a long time ago, what the hell are you doing?” You asked. You were afraid, hell you were trembling, but this was crazy and you had to help Jay to find a way out of this.

“We wouldn’t be broken up if he hadn’t come between us.” Steven snarled, moving closer towards you, his lips almost touching your ear.

Jay growled. “Leave her alone.”

Steven looked back up at Jay again.

“What, you mean don’t do this?” Steven asked, crushing his lips against yours.

“Don’t you fucking touch her!” Jay yelled. “Is that what you did? How you forced yourself on all the other girls? What do you want, Steven? What are you trying to accomplish?”

“All I wanted was to be with Y/N! But you took her.” He spat.

“So you decided to go on a rampage?” Jay asked. You saw him twitch like he was looking for something so you started talking, as much as it made you want to gag.

“Steven, why didn’t you just talk to me?” You asked, trying to distract him.

“Talk? All you care about is him!” He yelled, lifting the knife and pointing it at Jay.

It happened in a split second.

The moment he lifted the knife, Jay yelled, “Now, Y/N!”

You threw yourself forward, covering your head with your hands as you heard the gunshots go off, just two. You weren���t sure who was shooting but you didn’t move until you heard Jay’s voice again.

“Y/N, it’s okay, it’s over.” Jay whispered.

You looked up, Jay’s face hovering above you.

“Jay…”

Jay nodded, “It’s okay, come here.”

Jay pulled his arms around you.

“He…” Jay shook his head, shielding your view of Steven’s now motionless body. “Don’t look back, come on.”

Jay tried to lead you out of the apartment, barely making it to the main door before his teammates appeared. “Jay!” Kevin called, as he spotted both of you.

Jay nodded. “Thanks.” Kevin nodded, his eyes lingering on the way Jay was holding you close to his side before making way for Jay to lead you back down to the ground floor where the ambulances were waiting.

Jay led you all the way to the waiting paramedics, not even leaving your side to get himself checked.

You weren’t hurt, not really. There was a little open cut from where Steven had pressed the blade a little too hard when he had been agitated but other than that you were fine. Well, that, and that disgusting feeling that came with remembering how Steven had pressed his lips against yours.

Voight approached you and Jay. Jay squeezed your hand. “I’ll be right back.” You smiled and nodded.

Jay and Voight talked in low voices until Voight turned to look at you. “And she’s okay?”

Jay nodded. “Yeah, she is. I just need to…”

“Do what you need to do. We’ll finish up here.” Voight said, nodding and clapping Jay on the back.

---

The paramedics had dressed the wound on the scene before Jay had brought you back to his apartment.

After getting you into a clean change of clothes and some warm food in you, you had ended up back in your favourite place in the world – on Jay’s couch, in Jay’s apartment, encircled in Jay’s arms.

You lay your head on Jay’s chest.

“So this was all because of me?” You asked in a low voice.

Jay sat up, looking at you. “What?”

“He killed all those women… because of me. I got them killed.” You whispered.

“No, no, baby.” Jay propped himself up, but didn’t let you go. “This is not your fault. Steven he… he did this, not you.”

You looked up at him. “He even… in front of you… he…” You could feel tears welling up in your eyes, you felt disgusting. He’d kissed you, he’d done it in front of Jay and he’d ruined everything.

You hadn’t said that much but Jay just tilted your chin upwards and kissed you. “Jay…”

“I’ll take it all away.” Jay whispered. “I’m sorry, I should have been there sooner.”

You shook your head, swiping away the tears that had slid down your cheeks.

Jay cupped your cheek again, pulling you into his chest. You balled your hand around his shirt, gripping at Jay.

“It’s okay, I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.” Jay whispered.

“I’ll never let anyone touch you ever again.” He half snarled, still caressing you gently.

You leaned into his embrace, closing your eyes as the sound of Jay’s heartbeat gently lulled you back into the feeling of safety and security.

[wandering-wolf23]

I’m finally awake enough to give this the breakdown it deserves.

You are fixated on forum posts from over 20 years ago. It looks like you ran into the assholes known as Kiwifarms and the LOLcow hunters. I think we can all agree that those people are assholes. You need to make like Elsa and let it go. If you did let it go - and I think you could - I’m fairly sure 90% of your issues would go away. Yeah, it sucks you ran into the assholes of the internet, but as you said, that’s the price of posting on the internet.

People with fans have told me to kill myself and choke purple and no one holds them accountable.   

And I am going to hold the Nazis like my anon accountable by ignoring and blocking them. You also have legal recourse for threats like that! Telling people to kill themselves over the internet is very illegal. Take a page out of IamLunaSol’s book (they’re over on Instagram and they’ll share resources) and sue those idiots as long as it’s within the statute of limitations. You are not a helpless victim.

You should also know that I’m of the camp that believes the only good Nazi is a dead Nazi.

Imagine the distress you have when people get to say things like this but get published, win awards, and end up making more money than you will ever receive in your lifetime. 

People who are abusive assholes get karma blown up in their face all the time. See: the current YouTuber outed as grooming children.

I have no idea who that author is, but she sounds like a jerk. And, since she made that threat, you have legal recourse... if you choose to use it. If it’s past the statute of limitations, block her. Or, better yet, Blaze the proof of her being an asshole.

Now. Per the other posts I made. Because I’m ADD and I can’t keep up with multiple posts, we’re going to do them all here. We’re not going to discuss the content of the anon, because if you can’t understand exactly how homophobic and bigoted that is, you’re hopeless.

Such messages are the consequence of having a Tumblr account.  People send me hate, but when I complain, I’m “whining.”  When you and other proshippers complain, you’re “combatting harassment.” 

And that’s why I block them. Because they are harassing me and I just don’t want to expose myself to someone that is probably a literal Nazi. I’ve also been on your blog and... there’s a few people who need to be blocked, but a lot of people who think you’re crazy (to be fair, I think you would benefit from therapy to help you move beyond the LOLcow hunters) and are concerned.

Also, I think rape and death threats are a little bit different than being told you’re wrong. Just a thought.

Also, you found my strongly worded “fuck off” statement! Good for you! The big one is that I don’t want minors following me, because I tend to enjoy porn. And you also found where I said that I’m not really a mean person. However, because I have had some very bad people contact me, I kinda need a fuck off statement. I am not going to be a victim of the internet Nazis and I’ve found that honesty is the best policy.

As for me commenting on the first post, it popped up in my “for you” and I was bored. You’re the one missing the point on purpose.

You let the anon talk to you like that because you talked like this to me. 

“anits are idiots” is my tag for antis. It’s the name of a long defunct subreddit where we talked about people who think childhood friends to lovers is incest. I also don’t let anons talk to me like that usually - I just block and delete. I just wanted you to see what I’m dealing with. It’s a bit different from forum posts from 2003.

Getting hurt on the Internet is an occupational hazard. 

Cool, and I refuse to be a victim. I am going to use the tools at my disposal to make my blog a safe place for me and my followers. I am going to block Nazis, I’m going to block people who tell me to kill myself, and I’m going to block the LOLcow hunters. You should do the same.

If people can say bad things about me to convince others to write me off, then surely people should be allowed to say bad things to people who did just that. 

 So... you tacitly support homophobic and racist hate now? Are you sure you’re not a Nazi? Or Nazi-adjacent? Because you sure seem to like it when they harass people. You just want to share the misery, because you can’t move on. I think that forum drama from 20 years ago is a bit different from homophobic hate today.

I hope you get raped in the ass and murdered by one of those "nazis" your so "scared of". No one in the past was as gay as you think they were! NO ONE! So why the fuck do you insist on spreading your perversion all over the place? You're a sick fuck who molests children. If I ever find you, I'll make sure to send you right back where you belong!

@nangbaby

see why I like blocking people so much? Why should I have to let this person spout their shit in my inbox? Can't you see why this would get distressing after awhile?

[whatwedoinsilence]

tw SA

I was sexually assaulted many times in my life. The first time it happened, I was barely 5. It happened again at 14. Then 19.

When I was 16, I was advised by a school counselor to share my story with my mother, as she was my guardian and deserved to know. "Your mother loves you, you need to take that weight off your shoulders", my counselor said.

The following weekend, I did just what I was advised to. I was shaking and sobbing, terrified of my mother's reaction. We had never even talked about sex before. I was a late bloomer, and the one time I ever asked her about "what sex was", she hit me and told me to never ask again. Sex was more than a taboo subject to her, it was worse than death.

No wonder I'm still a virgin at the age of 22, only having dated once for a couple months in high school and having been by her told at the age of 19, when a 20 year-old boy asked me out, that all he wanted was to "use me then throw me out", because "what else would a boy that age want with you?"

After I told her about my assault, she scoffed. And, seeing the state I was in, she said "Well, he must've raped you with his friends if you're crying like that. It must've been worse than you're telling me." And walked away.

A couple days later, my best friend and I were attending the Pride Parade, as we had done every year since we were 13. It was the first time since my most recent assault that I had the courage to wear a dress.

As soon as my mother saw me, she lost it. She mandated I change outfits, and when I refused, she looked me dead in the eyes and said, "Alright. But after some old man rapes you and leaves you for dead in a ditch, don't come crying to me."

As per usual, she completely forgot she ever said that, and when I confronted her months later, she said I "must be exaggerating", after all we all know how "hypersensitive and dramatic" I can be.

When I shared that story with a friend, via social media, I was told to forgive my mother. She wants what's best for me, even if the truth can hurt my feelings sometimes. She knows better and I should listen to her.

When a boy and his friends pretended to like me for a joke, my friend said the same thing.

And you know what? I'm tired of forgiving. I'm tired of forgetting. I'm tired of being told I'm sensitive and dramatic and I should just accept anything she does because she birthed me. I'm tired of cowering in the corner, I'm tired of my body not belonging to me, of having to pretend I have no boundaries to maintain the peace, of never being able to ask for the simplest of things or she'll lash out and blame me for being too sensitive. I'm tired of being at the receiving end and never being able to fight back else I am the bad kid and its my fault.

I'm tired.