#not really knowing what's going on 60% of the time

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - I'm using the word "ridiculous" a lot

Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top.

Dec 2024 Week 3

Ongoing Series - Thai

Your Sky (Sun iQIYI) ep 5 of 12 - OMG they’re so fucking cute I can’t stand it. It’s too much. Everyone is adorable. Including the father. (That said, I wouldn’t recommend watching Naughty Babe with your dad. That’s a big leap there, cutie pie.) The 10 minutes of holding hand negotiation and then finally walking together across campus was truly fucking fantastic. This show is GLORIOUS. Now we also know when it finally does move from dreams to reality, that these two can kiss.

Actual name of this show?

How to Train Your Seme

Speaking of names, Fah's brother, whose name I forget, is now going to referred to by me as Sarcastic Cupid. Because that is his role in this narrative. I love him very much.

On a completely different note, and I know this is not that kind of show, but this is me so I have to say it, if these two ever do have sex it’s gonna take them hours. They just gonna spend half the night negotiating. Which is kind of tantric, but my goodness would they even make it into bed?

ThamePo (Fri YT) ep 2 of 12 - i just love this show!!!! so happy to have this one my screen. The dads have to save the little musical family! So cute! And illegally pretty.

Love Sick 2024 (Sun iQIYI) ep 14 of 15 - They substantially took steps to fix Phun‘s dad character in the new version and I really like that a lot. I'm chronicling my experience with 2024 as compared to 2014 here. 

Caged Again (Fri Gaga) ep 7 of 10 - Why is this absurd show so damn good? When Sun has to beg it’s just too much. It’s too sweet and aching and hurtful and wonderful. Catnip = the sex herb trope was not anything I’ve ever thought I would see in my lifetime. Okaaay now. Relax little show. Too far.

Fourever You (Thurs YT) ep 12 of 16 - The extended version is clearly better. But I’m not gonna bother to pay for it. Again, I’m liking the new couple more and more each week. I still prefer the first couple of course cause Pond but it’s enjoyable enough.

Note: I'm super grateful for those posting them as clips here on the hellsite. Because man can these boys kiss!

The Heart Killers (Weds Gaga) ep 4 of 12 - this show is so entirely and utterly ridiculous. I don’t even know what to do with it or myself. Or what to say. Carry on, I guess?

Also I don't know what GMMTV is smoking to tease this one, but I'll take a hit next time they pass the BL bong.

Perfect 10 Liners (Sun YT?) ep 7 of 24 - I am living for Pond & Sand. they are pretty much all I care about. Yes including the upcoming couples. I just want pond sand. sure the main couple was fine it was a perfectly serviceable ending to their arc such as it was. All in all I enjoyed this episode big smile on my face most of the time.

Secret Love (????) 1-60 of 81 eps - Someone dropped a cut together of episodes one through 60, and I actually quite enjoyed it. It’s a total soap opera and very much a pulp. But I kind of love that right now. Frankly, 1-60 is a completed story arc. If you want that. I will probably watch the whole thing if anybody ever uploads it or it turns up grey anywhere. But this was quite satisfying. Ridiculous but charming fluff about two stepbrothers, who aren’t really stepbrothers, who have loved each other forever and are reunited under trying family circumstances. 7/10 passes the sniff test

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Our Youth AKA Miseinen: Mijukuna Oretachi wa Bukiyo ni Shinkochu (Japan Tues Gaga) ep 7 of 11 - ARGH. The pain. what an absolutely stellar show. I can't believe we are only on ep 7!

See Your Love (Taiwan Weds Gaga) ep 9 of 13 - I love it. This show is fantastic. It’s classic BL, it’s hitting all of the tropes, and it reminds me of some of the best that Taiwan has done in the past. I’m charmed and enjoying it immensely. Taiwan isn’t great on endings so I’m reserving judgment, but what a current highlight to my week. I like these boys so much. Please be kind to me and them, Taiwan?

Eternal Butler (Taiwan Fri Gaga) eps 1-2 of 12 - Ever 4, a sophisticated AI combat robot, becomes the personal butler/bodyguard to Luo Bu Shi, a spoiled yet lonely young heir. And I like it a lot. Odd with a very old fashioned yaoi feel. Also actually kinky (not Thai kinky), I mean it's no JBL but I like it. Dommed into reading = hot. 

Teenager Judge (Vietnam Sat YT) ep 12 of ? - I love our new rescuer, he v cute! Nice addition to the cast. I hope we get more of him. Otherwise, this was more of the same. I’m getting pretty fatigued with this bully stuff at this juncture.

Love in the Air: Koi no Yokan (Japan Sat Gaga) ep 8 end - A lackluster adaptation of some already questionable content, that managed to lose all the limited charm and massive chemistry of the original. It was a mistake to do with less runtime not to mention put both climaxes in the final episode.  Too much all at once. By dividing up the two rescues and keeping them exclusive to their respective couples they highlighted the formulaic nature of the narrative and weakened the foundational friendships. The best thing about the original was the friendships both between the semes and the ukes. By having each boyfriend simply rescue his own boy without help, we didn’t get to see the depth of those friendships at all. For this reason, this installment was weaker than the original. My final feeling at the end was simply “OK whatever” not a ringing endorsement. 7/10 but barely that.

It's airing but......

Spare Me Your Mercy (Thurs iQIYI) ep 5 of 8 - on hold because it went out side genre conventions and I'm not sure what to expect. I'm waiting until it ends, then if safe I will binge.

Be Moon - Falling for my enemy's son (China YT) movie from HBD Studio airing in short bits but I couldn't find any this week.

Winter Is Not The Death of Summer (Thai ???) - has been picked up to air on WeTV, or something? Criminals who meet in prison fall in love. I did find it on YouTube, initially un-subbed, then subs happened by which time I got distracted. The first episode seems to be only six minutes long. It is very pulp. But it is intriguing. For now it's to the wayside until someone tells me it landed safely. Occasionally Thai pulps want to be edgy and it's not a good look on them.

0.5D (Japan ????) 4 eps - Supposedly a completed short. "Sales ace, Sada, has a secret that only his junior, Daiki, knows. He has pretended to have a gf for years, resulting in him being a virgin. But now Sada has fallen in love. Confused, Sada seeks advice from his junior." I sense another queer Cyrano De Bergerac. I can't find and it's good very poor review so Imma stop looking. Info here.

The Renovation (Thai mini One31) 2 eps - Writer turns his blossoming romance with holiday resort owner into a novel. Eh is it worth trying to find?

It Ended But?

Blue Canvas of Youthful Days (China Sun Viki) paused at eps 9-10 of 12 - I have been told the ending is OK if not great. I’m gonna hold off for a bit.

Next Week Looks Like This:

Final still to come:

12/29 Sangmin Dinneaw (Thai ????) ??eps - trailer Childhood friends (Thai & Korean) reunite after being apart for ten years. As the boys reconnect, their bond matures and feelings of romance begin to develop, in Thai.

Impression of Youth (Taiwan ????) ??eps - rumors are this is supposed to start this month.

Upcoming BLs for 2024 are listed here. This list is not kept updated, so please leave a comment if you know something new or RP with additions.

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

10 years later and it's still one of BLs best cuddles (Love Sick)

Always like a seme who asks permission. (Perfect 10)

(last week)

The tag BLigade: @doorajar @solitaryandwandering @my-rose-tinted-glasses @babymbbatinygirl @babymbbatinygirl @isisanna-blog @mmastertheone @pickletrip @aliceisathome @urikawa-miyuki @tokillamonger @sunflower-positiiivity @rocketturtle4 @blglplus @anythinggoesintheshire @everlightly @renafire @mestizashinrin @bl-bam-beyond @small-dark-and-delicious @saezurumurmurs

[inhuman-obey-me]

The End Times

Well, here we are. The final lessons have been released, all in a flurry. It's been interesting times, y'all.

JK, they said the world of OM will continue, and we're not going away either. We still love our demonic dumbasses. This is, however, the last lesson of the apps. And, uh, we didn't talk about the last 3 before this either, considering the flurry.

So, maybe for one last time: let's get into it.

(spoilers up to NB Lesson 60)

Nightbringer

The first thing to address here, perhaps, is truly: for splitting off a whole ass second app titled Nightbringer, they really didn't tell us anything about him in the end, huh!

We never did get the answers to what he wanted out of our second set of pacts, what his deal with Solomon was, what his overall goals are, or who he even is. He just showed up, we got some early info on him, and then he basically fucked off for the majority of season 2 and basically all of season 3. At least they did end on a nice little message from him, though, echoing the start of the game...

So will we eventually get the answer to ANY of those major questions? The world may never know...

A Celestial Shitshow

What we do get, first, is the resolution of the whole Raphael arc of this season -- at least, the closest they could come to giving us a resolution.

We do not get a precise answer to what he felt or thought in the moment of Michael refusing to even try to appeal to Father on Simeon's behalf, which he was seemingly so unable to confront at the end of 55. However, after the collapse of Babel, Lucifer and Simeon go to talk to him again, more calmly this time.

The source of Raphael's distress comes down to loneliness. Like Simeon, he remarks how quiet it became in the Celestial Realm when the brothers, apparently the only loudmouth troublemakers that ever existed there, fell after the war. With the possibility of Simeon also becoming a demon, Raphael felt incredibly lonely at the thought of losing another former seraph and friend from the Celestial Realm.

Luke comes up to chime in about being there for Raphael, and Simeon realizes he doesn't want to just leave those "two kids" alone to fend for themselves. With that decided, he concludes that he is not so fine with becoming a demon after all, because he wants to return to the Celestial Realm for their sakes.

MC, with the help of Lucifer's power, then breaks through Babel's projection of collapse, which had reflected Raphael's distraught feelings, to restore it to its actual not-destroyed state, and further uses their new protection powers to return everyone to the Devildom. More on that later!

Also, Michael is a dick again. Raphael is set to be punished for the whole Babel thing, and Michael basically plans to let that happen, until Simeon threatens to "hold it against him" as a grudge. Which is hilarious, because Simeon has no real power or anything against Michael at this point, but angy Simeon is so scary, Michael apparently backs off.

Anyway, setting all the all of that aside, there's also still more SF to get through.

Three Worlds-building Science

In the process of restoring Babel, MC and Lucifer conveniently also remove all the demonic powers/energy from Simeon, so that works out nicely! He's no longer "demonic." However, of course, this couldn't just be such a nice simple wrap-up as that, so next, we get a whole bunch of lore-contradictory worldbuilding around the way cells work for each type of being!

It turns out, while angels and demons both have homogenous cells which are purely one or the other, human cells can actually transform into either one, in the right conditions. And although all demonic energy has been cleared out of Simeon, he apparently still has some of those transformed demonic cells, and it's possible he will have his demonic cells activate or start to transform again in the future. Plus, even with his decision that he wanted to return to the Celestial Realm after all, it's not really in anyone's control out of the cast to do that for him, and the Celestial Realm would not allow him back if he has any demonic cells.

This brings up some pretty terrible implications about the Celestial Realm, which we're not sure were the devs' intentions exactly, but which become implied nonetheless. After all, Simeon's punishment was to become a human, but if it's a known fact that humans can turn demonic and they would refuse to take him back with any demonic cells, even dormant ones, that's just a really shitty trap of a situation! Plus, they were able to convert his cells from angelic ones to human ones, so if they have the ability to change him at a cellular level, why can't they just purge the demonic cells from him in the process of changing him back to an angel? Lucifer has specifically noted before on his transformation to a demon that he supposed that was his punishment, so that also seems to have been a punishment inflicted by God, implying the ability to also manipulate the brothers at a cellular level into demons! And if human cells can become angel ones as well, what does that mean for Simeon's punishment of becoming human? Could the punishment be undercut by his cells naturally turning back to angel cells? Come on, devs, it's called consistency!!

But hey, it's not like this series has been particularly consistent on its lore in the past either...

Anyway, the Science Fair is still going on -- and Leviathan has a mad scientist moment, coming across a unique potion that could help with restoring Simeon back to a more fully human state, ridding his body of any dormant demonic cells! The problem is it requires three very rare and hard to procure ingredients, but it turns out Solomon had also thought about this potion a while back, so he conveniently already has two of the three rare ingredients! Part of the reason Solomon never brought it up before, however, is that the potion only has a 60% success rate and is known to have some pretty bad side effects including the briefest mention of possibly even death???, and with how complicated Simeon's feelings had been up to this point, it didn't feel like there had been a good time to bring all that up.

Deciding that Simeon can decide for himself if he wants to take the risk after the potion is ready, we have a little adventure to obtain the third ingredient that places us back in the Starfall, which we visited during our time in the past. We momentarily have to avoid the subject of the past as Leviathan recalls that you were there, but is brushed off as misremembering because that wouldn't make sense, after all! Haha...ha...

Leviathan makes the potion for the Science Fair, and then Lucifer and MC keep Simeon company while he takes it. Simeon begins to succumb to the potion's effects pretty quickly, but Lucifer steps in to try and take the pain from Simeon and transfer it to him -- with MC then also stepping in to help share it. Simeon ends up not suffering as much, but is still knocked out with a fever for a bit.

Upon waking from his fever and analysis of his cells and some other genetic science, Simeon has now returned to his fully human state, meaning that he should be able to get back to the Celestial Realm! -- if they'll have him.

The end of the game seems to initially imply that he might be reinstated as an angel -- but the very last text we see is that Simeon will be opening up the Angel's Halo again in the human world. So is Simeon still a human? Did he become an angel again but they have him stationed in the human world?? No clear answer!!! Why would they ever end the final lesson on giving us any clear conclusions? Nope, never, and so here we are with no more lessons and yet another big fuckin' cliffhanger.

Well, they did say there are new projects in progress, at least...

Anyway, Later is Now

So, back to MC and how overpowered we've become.

Through this last season, there has been a focus on how much stronger MC has become, especially when it comes to their protective/defensive magic. We know it's because of the double-pacts, but that is a secret from most of the cast to avoid space-time fuckery.

In Babel, MC is able to control this magic for the first time. As mentioned above, we use our pact with Lucifer to break out of the illusion created by Raphael's breakdown, which also clears Simeon of his demonic energy. MC then uses their power, with some guidance by Solomon, to get out of Babel and return everyone to the Devildom.

That's a great sign, as otherwise MC has had zero control over this power activating. Of course, that means we have to use it one last time as the game comes to an end -- but this time, on the moon.

That's right. The Devildom moon is really into MC and is on a crash course to the Devildom (hi Majora's Mask) to also get some of that sweet, sweet MC power. Our cast gets thrust into having to deal with the situation as the final Science Fair competition, because the Research Institute is basically giving them the responsibility (with the House of Lords being ridiculous and not getting the news to Diavolo faster because, um, they suck).

Satan wonders if MC's protection power can be used here and stop the moon on its crash course, so of course that is what we are going to do. Solomon leads you up into the sky, and after a pep talk, leaves you to choose one of the brothers to help carry out this mission. Whichever brother you choose ends up getting knocked out in the process, to protect you. After a few days, we find out how to wake them back up and yay, they're conscious again!

With that handled, it's time for the classic OM tradition, throwing a goodbye party for the exchange students!! PARTY TIME! Everything's good now! Hurray!!!

Does this all seem rushed? Sure. Does it reek of them hurrying to tie up loose ends because this is the last lesson? Yup. How much of this was actually planned in this messy rushed way from the start anyway? Who knows! Did they also leave us on that big Simeon cliffhanger anyway, for funsies? Abso-fucking-lutely.

But that's it for the last 4 lessons! After 5 years, finally, MC has completed all of their tasks...congrats to us!!! 🥹

Now to wait for whatever new projects are coming next...

[peppermintquartz]

When he hears that Tommy has to work on Christmas Eve, Buck tries not to pout about it at first, and then decides, heck it, if I can't sulk about my boyfriend not being able to spend Christmas Eve with me, when can I sulk? So he weaponizes his big blue eyes and unleashes the full force of his pout, sticking out the lower lip and - by dint of some emotional effort - brings some tears to his eyes.

"Oh no, you don't do that to me now," Tommy says, raising a finger and tilting his head in that special way he does to ward off Buck at his most manipulative. He's about 40-60 when it comes to the win-loss ratio on that technique.

Buck sighs and wrinkles his nose. "I was planning on a nice dinner here at home. Tree. Nog. Roast beast."

Reaching out, Tommy ruffles Buck's curls and smiles. "At least we can decorate the tree together before then."

"They better be paying you extra for taking the shift for Christmas Eve night."

"Yeah, they do. It'll be a nice contribution to our honeymoon fund." Tommy smiles at Buck, whose stomach does a happy little flip. Technically, neither of them have popped the question, but they already know the answer is yes, and so they have already set up a whole system to allocate their money. They'll be ring shopping next week, to take advantage of Christmas sales, and just the thought of it makes Buck warm all over.

Even so, he can be melodramatic for his own entertainment. Flopping back in his chair, he cups his right cheek, adopts a pensive stare out the window, and sighs extravagantly. "I do wonder what could possibly be so important as to warrant my handsome, charming, incredible and sexy firefighter pilot boyfriend to abandon me on the most festive night of the year?"

"You know. The usual."

Wait. Tommy sounds shifty. He's usually very honest, so him trying to hide something is... off. Buck sits up straight. "Tommy...?"

"I'm serious. The usual." Tommy's ears are flushed dark pink. He's a horrendous liar.

Buck narrows his eyes, and then raises an eyebrow.

"Look, I can't tell you. I genuinely cannot. But, uh, it's a cool thing, an international thing, and it's really one of the best things I've ever done and love doing as a pilot."

"Wow," Buck murmurs. "You don't usually talk like that about your job."

"It's just a job. Most of the time. Sometimes I have to fly into hurricanes."

"No hurricanes this year," says Buck with a resolute nod. "Santa would not like flying through one. You'd have to provide Santa with air support."

"He's done it before though. The reindeer know what to do better than us," Tommy mutters absently, and then he freezes.

Buck freezes also. He stares at his boyfriend. "Tommy?"

"Hmm?" Tommy pretends he isn't terrified.

"Are you flying with... Santa... on Christmas Eve?"

"What? Hahahah of course not, ahahaha. No." But the rictus on Tommy's face tells a different story, as do the few beads of sweat that have just materialized.

Buck's jaw drops. He whispers, "You are flying with Santa!" His eyes go wide with delighted revelation. "Santa's real?"

"Shhh! No one outside of the escort party is supposed to know. And, not flying with, just providing air support to cover for him so he doesn't show on the scanners. And don't tell anyone!"

Buck mimes zipping his mouth and locking it and throwing away the key. Then he 'unzips' his lips. "I can't bear it," he declares. "You are way too cool and I need to have sex with you right now."

"What?" Tommy snorts, and then shakes his head in disbelief. "Evan, you're not being serious."

"Like a lightning strike." Buck stands, fluttering his lashes and pouting again.

Tommy doesn't fight it this time.

[visionsofyouandme]

It's a Wonderful Life, Javier Peña!

𝚜𝚢𝚗𝚘𝚙𝚜𝚒𝚜: Javier does not indulge in the holidays, not caring for the lights, the cheer, and togetherness. But then you come along, and bring a little Christmas spirit in your wake.

𝚠/𝚌: 7.1k

𝚠𝚊𝚛𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜/𝚝𝚊𝚐𝚜: Javi POV. Afab!Reader. Fluff. Talks of Christmas. Banter. Javi trying to suppress feelings. Office romance. Swearing. Several Christmas movie references. Really, a lot of pining (my staple at this point?), fluff, and feels. Not really proofread (sorry not sorry!)

𝙰/𝙽: Merry Christmas and happy holidays! Here is a Xmas gift from me to you. Thank you for reading and joining me on this rather fresh and unorganized blog for my writings. Here's to a good, easy, and fun holiday for those who celebrate, and an easy transition into the New Year for us all ❤️

Read on AO3!

Javier Peña did not celebrate Christmas.

He had felt less and less “in the holiday spirit” over the years of adulthood. With his job and how stressful and time consuming it was all around the clock, it was hard to even think about it when that time of year came around. Sure, the office attempted to be festive with a sad excuse for a foot-tall, skinny Christmas tree with ornaments from the 60s. Maybe some garland around the doorways. But, that was if anyone remembered that year, or any year before or after.

And then, there came you.

You were hired on as a secretary, and when he met you, he knew you would just be another notch in his bedpost. And he tried to be as charming and suave as he did with every other woman who worked for the DEA and every woman after that, but it never seemed to work. You were polite, and annoyingly so, and turned him down every time with a smile that annoyed the hell out of him. 

He gave up after a month of trying, moving on to easier prey. And somehow, you still wanted to talk to him. Nothing serious, but asking how things were going, if he needed anything- he’d make a quip like “just you, cariño,” and give you his best smirk. You would only roll your eyes and if he didn’t annoy you entirely you would bring him coffee. Some days, it came with a biscuit.

He didn’t know what kept pulling him into your orbit, but it was around Christmas when he noticed. You put a little more effort into decorating- some lights on the windows, a new, two-foot tall plastic Christmas tree with updated ornaments. The garland was now wrapped in ribbon, and the place just felt… better.

But, Javier Peña did not ever indulge in the season.

He would spend late nights at the office the nearer to Christmas Day, leaving Steve to go home to his family and celebrate with them. It was about 4 days until Christmas, and around 7:30 at night when you approached him, looking like you were ready to leave.

“Agent Peña, you’ve been here since 6am. I think you need a break.” you said, tilting your head to the side. He looked up from the stack of papers on his desk and leaned back, rubbing his face. He sighed,

“No rest for the wicked, as the saying goes.” he said with a frown. You shook your head, and gestured for him to follow.

“Put it to bed for the night, which I know you’re good at,” you said with a glint in your eyes that made him roll his eyes. “And come with me.” 

He cocked an eyebrow up at this, and sighed, knowing his eyes were about to fall out of his head from staring at words all day, his hand cramping from the pens and pencils he gripped. Besides, who was he to turn down going with you anywhere?

He followed you to a bodega a few blocks from the office, and he watched as you conversed easily with the shop owner as they prepared some food for you both behind the counter. Some kind of homemade special that Manuel had cooked up just for you before closing.

“You take good care of her now, amigo. She is a good one, si?” the shop owner said with a grin as he handed the bag to you. You rolled your eyes, but he could see the shy way you didn’t meet his eyes. But, he gave the man a nod of acknowledgement and an awkward smile. 

“Thank you, Manuel. Buenas Noches.” you said and Javier held the door open for you-

Since when the hell did he do that?

He followed you to your apartment, and he swallowed. Was this really what was going to happen tonight? You had turned him down night after night, and now you had lead him to your place with food? What was he doing? 

“Are you… um- are you sure, cariño?” he questioned, the uncertainty in his voice that made you turn your head as you fished out your keys. You cocked an eyebrow at him, and rolled your eyes,

“Unless you wanna eat on the street, come on.” you said, and wrestled the door open. He quickly moved up the steps and held the heavy door open, allowing you to step inside first. He followed you, glancing around as if searching for threats. None were there, of course, except a barking dog in the distance. Other than that, it was quiet. Peaceful.

Your apartment was small, but homey. This didn’t surprise him, as you seemed to leave comfort wherever you roamed. And, your apartment was also sparsely decorated for Christmas- lights hanging on doorways, another small tree (looking suspiciously like the only one-foot one from the office), and it smelled faintly of fresh balsam. Noting the blown out candle on your coffee table, he had deduced the source.

“You stole the tree from the agency?” He questioned with a smirk as he shed his jacket. You set down the food on the small, sad excuse for a kitchen table and looked back at him.

“I replaced it. Upgraded it, even. Thought it would be a fair trade.” you said with a smirk and began to dish out the food.

Javier was a bit surprised, to say the least. You invited him to sit, and you ate, talking over the food which was still hot and absolutely delicious. He scarfed it down, unaware of how hungry he was. 

“Jesus, Javier, don’t choke.” you laughed, and he wiped his mouth hastily,

“Sorry. Wait- did you just call me-?”

“We’re off the clock, figured it would be fine. Or do you get a kick out of being called “Agent Peña” all the time?” you said with a smirk. He shrugged,

“You can call me anything you’d like, cariño.” he chuckled, and you shook your head, still working on your food. The conversation was easy, comfortable, nice. He hadn’t sat down with anyone except some other fellow agents and Steve for meals, but never pleasantly like this. 

“What are your plans for Christmas Eve?” you questioned, and Javier snorted.

“I don’t do Christmas. Probably pulling an all-nighter at the office.” he said, and you actually frowned at this. He shifted uneasily in his seat, and shrugged it off.“It’s fine. I do it every year-”

“That’s kind of depressing.” you said, and he sighed. He knew it was, but he didn’t exactly have friends or a family to spend it with. 

“Well, what about you, Mrs. Claus?” he quipped, steering the conversation away. You shrugged, and picked at your food.

“I plan on getting home and watching some movies. Call some folks back in the states, wish them the best for the holidays.” you said, but he could sense the underlying sadness in your voice. It was his turn to frown. Him having no one to spend the holiday with was usual- but hearing you saying you didn’t have anyone? Now that was unacceptable.

“You don’t have friends?”

You laughed at that, and glanced up at him.

“I do, but they have families, other friends to spend it with. I don’t mind going solo.” you said, picking up your water and taking a sip. Javier shook his head, and sighed,

“Well, I’d like to at least share a drink with you. Maybe get rid of some of that loneliness for the both of us for a second, you know?” he said. He meant it casually, but he meant it real and truly. It would be nice to at least have a Christmas toast with someone for once. And if it meant bringing two lonely hearts together… why not?

A small smirk spread on your lips,

“I’ll bring the spiced eggnog, then.”

He made a face, and you rolled your eyes.

“Fine. Eggnog and bourbon, then. They pair really well, believe it or not.” you said, and he shook his head.

“You won’t find eggnog here,” he said. He hadn’t had that in years, probably since before he left Texas to join the agency. Even then, he must have been a child when he last had it.

“I have my ways.” you said with a wink. He couldn’t help the grin that spread on his face, and he shook his head.

“You are funny, cariño.” he said, and you hid your smile in the rim of your water glass, but cocked an eyebrow.

“Javier Peña giving a compliment? Somebody put that on the record.” you laughed, and he shook his head, but a warmth spread in his chest. 

“Anything for you,” he said quietly, but you didn’t look up. Maybe you didn’t hear. 

But, he meant it.

“What’s with the face?” Steve questioned one afternoon at the office. 2 days until Christmas, and Javier was typing away furiously at his typewriter with a cigarette dangling from his lips. 

“What face?” He questioned without looking up. Steve cocked an eyebrow, leaning back.

“Your “something pissed you off” face. Or it could also be your “trying to hide something” face.” Steve said, and Javier picked the cigarette from between his lips and huffed out smoke.

“Just stressed.”

“You don’t get stressed. Well- you definitely don’t admit it.” Steve said, and Javier sat up from his hunched position. He put the cigarette between his lips momentarily and then exhaled. 

“It’s the holidays. Everyone’s gone, which means I have to pick up the slack.” He said. 

“Way to be in the Christmas spirit, Agent Peña.” Steve chuckled, and Javier heard an elated cry and turned in his chair to see you carrying a plate of something, handing them out to the staff as you passed down the rows. Javier sat up a bit, and quickly stubbed out his cigarette. When he turned to face Steve, he was looking at him with a shit eating grin.

“What? Free food’s free food.” Javier said, and you smiled as you rounded to Steve and Javier’s cluster of desks.

“Afternoon, boys. Interested in a holiday sweet treat?” 

“Oh, absolutely. Haven’t had sugar cookies in a minute.” Steve said, picking one up and Javoer gave you a nod of recognition as he picked his own.

“I was planning on making buñelos, but those were a spectacular fail. So, I went with something safe.” You laughed, and Javier found the cookie was sweet, almost sickeningly so. He looked at you and gave you a half smile and a nod, swallowing the piece dryly. 

“Homemade? That’s… good. Nice.” Javier said with a nod, and both you and Steve looked at Javier. You were the first to shrug it off,

“Well, I thought it would be a good Christmas present for everyone to enjoy.” You said with a shrug, glancing at Javier, but not for too long.

“You boys continue the good work. If there’s any left over, I’ll come to you first.” You said with a wink between the two, and walked on to the next set of desks. Steve was watching Javier like a hawk, who set the half-eaten cookie to the side.

“Too sweet for you?” Steve chuckled. Javier didn’t meet his eyes, and continued typing away.

“Yeah. Something like that.”

Three days before Christmas, you continued to bring holiday cheer to the office. You had brought a radio in, and a handful of cassette tapes of Christmas music. Old stuff, easily accessible… Frank Sinatra, Nat King Cole, Elvis Presley. You would play one all way way through and then let the usual local Colombian radio play for an hour. And at the turn of a new hour, you’d start another one. 

Javier should find it annoying. Anyone else, he would have said something. But, you just looked so damn happy humming and nodding to the music, that he just couldn’t bring himself to. 

He still avoided you outwardly, though. Cold, closed off. You didn’t seem to mind, and still gave him smiles and variations of “how are you today, Agent?” He felt like an ass, but he still felt the need to create distance, even despite your holiday plans. 

And that? That scared him. He had never had plans for the actual holiday- usually staying home or working a long night. If home, maybe invite a prostitute over to fill the void for an hour or two.

But to spend time with you? Someone who was quickly taking up space in his mind and thoughts? He wondered what caused your change of heart- was it the holiday and you didn’t want to be alone, either? Or was it… God forbid, was it something deeper?

He remembered all the times you had turned him down. Certainly that wouldn’t be the case, actually having liked him. No one liked Javier beyond a one-night stand. He had never convinced you to come home with him, much less have a drink with him. But, you had given in so easily this time around, that it left him puzzled.

His sleuthing skills were not serving him well, apparently.

“What should I play next? Bing Crosby or Dean Martin?” you questioned, and Javier looked up as you set more files on his desk. He rolled his eyes,

“If I have to hear “Let it Snow” one more time, I might throw that damn radio out the window,” he said, which was true. You only laughed, and it rang in the office like sleigh bells. He noticed you wore a Christmas tree broach, and at least complimented your restraint of personal Christmas accessories. 

“I’ll skip over that one for you, then. It does get a little old, doesn’t it?” you questioned, and Javier snorted. 

“You’re killing me slowly, cariño.” 

“Well, i’m trying to bring some Christmas cheer. Don’t turn into a Scrooge on me, okay? Or a George Bailey. I’d hate for a ghost of Christmas past to visit and foil our plans.” you said, and Javier’s eyes snapped back up to you, files forgotten.

“Oh,” he said, like he had just remembered. He leaned his elbow on the desk, “Right. Your place or mine?” he questioned, and you rolled your eyes.

“Agent, this is not a ploy to get you in my bed. I don’t have that kind of agenda. Figured we could share a drink here before heading home. I don’t care for the busy bars, it makes the loneliness feel even more pronounced.” you said, and Javier nodded, but it clicked in his head right then. Loneliness. The only reason why you wanted to bother him during this holiday- and it was no secret that Javier was alone on any and all holidays. He just didn’t think anyone noticed. But you,... You did.

He wished he could say he was grumpy, angry at the thought of someone taking advantage of him and trying to quell their own loneliness. But, that would make him a hypocrite. Sure, he was at work all the time, but it was mostly for the sake of the job. With you, he couldn’t- wouldn’t, you deserved better than that.

“Here?” he reiterated, and you nodded. 

“Right.” you said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. He felt his chest deflate, but he nodded with a smile. “Still working on that eggnog, by the way.” you said, patting the files and began to walk away. He chuckled, shaking his head,

“I am expecting the best of the best. Do not disappoint me.” he said, and you threw him a look over your shoulder and winked. He shifted in his chair, pulling up closer to hide his growing hard-on. 

Fuck. This was bad.

“You got a date?” Steve questioned from behind Javier as he rounded to his desk. Javier opened one of the files you had set down on his desk, and shook his head.

“Nope. Just coworkers having a drink.”

“Right. I have never heard that one before,” Steve said sarcastically, knowing full well Javier would say that and have the stink eye from the woman he had bedded the night before. Steve wasn’t an idiot, and some girls made it obvious for their distaste for Javier in the workspace. All of them except you, it seemed. Javier’s one failed attempt at getting a female coworker to sleep with him.

Steve wondered if you had finally given in. Or if Javier was changing his tune in time for the holidays.

Either way, he couldn’t wait to see the results.

Two days before Christmas, it was quiet. You still played the music, but not as frequently. Probably to give the office a break from the same 10 songs sung by different artists. But, Javier was watching you smile, converse, and walk around the office. When you left for lunch, he found himself looking out the window in hopes of your return. 

He was in the breakroom, smoking a cigarette by the window and holding a new cup of coffee. He huffed, and looked down at the street below, suddenly leaning in close to the glass that his nose nearly touched it. 

You were walking up the street back to the building, with a man at your side. You were smiling, nodding, and laughing. That laugh where your face scrunched up and tilted your head back a bit, one he had never had the pleasure of inciting himself. 

And you were next to Miguel Garcia, from the internal operations department. He had never interacted with him, except maybe once or twice. He didn’t even work on the same floor as you and Javier. How did he manage to snag a conversation with you?

Unless…

His jaw ticked, and he rubbed it to ease the tension. When you disappeared back inside, he could see Miguel duck first and open the door for you. When you both walked inside, out of view, he took a very heavy drag of the cigarette. He set down his coffee mug and crossed his arms, the other hand still holding the cigarette to his lips. Feeling a tightness in his chest that was typically only reserved for stress on the job, he tried his best to smoke it off.

He didn’t know how long he stood there, but he had stubbed out that cigarette and another, lighting up a third. He really shouldn’t care about this. It was none of his business, and you didn’t belong to him. But, to know you two had plans, and you walked up with someone else, made him feel… some kind of way.

You didn’t belong to him, he reminded himself. And he doesn’t belong to you.

He wouldn’t realize it then, but later (much later) he would come to the fact that he finally understood what those poor women felt when he went from one to the other in the office. Karma kind of stings.

He heard footsteps and didn’t look up, but he heard your voice ring out in greeting. He looked back, and that tightness in his chest coiled up again.

“Cigarettes and coffee for lunch?” you questioned, and walked to the coffee maker. He shrugged,

“Hasn’t killed me yet.” 

You laughed, and shook your head, making a fresh pot of coffee, “Yeah. “Yet,” being the word.”

“How was lunch?” he said stiffly, unable to help himself. His eyes were trained on your back as you faced away from him to the coffee pot, but you didn’t flinch or tense up.

“It was good! Ran into Miguel from Ops, he was at the same diner as me. He’s a lot nicer than I expected- always thought he was so serious.” you said, and pressed the button, the coffee began to brew. “Kind of like you. Well- I still think you’re serious. But, you have your moments of… not-seriousness, I guess.”

You turned back to him, and he didn’t realize he was staring holes into your back until you looked at him pointedly.

“If you take a picture, Peña, it’ll last longer.” you laughed, and his eyes moved back to the window. He lowered the cigarette to his waist, his thumb ticking against it lightly.

“Everything alright?” you questioned, and if he wasn’t a seasoned agent, he would have flinched. The fact you noticed… that was dangerous, too. 

Too close. Too, too close.

“Yeah. Fine.” he said, and picked up his coffee mug, stamping out his cigarette. The leftover smoke that had accumulated in the room suddenly felt oppressive, and he needed an escape.

“We still on for tomorrow?” you questioned, your body turning as he began to stalk out.

“Maybe. Had something come up- i’ll let you know.” he said, trying his best not to look at you. Because if he did, he knew he would see a look on your face that would make him fold.

“Oh. Okay,” you said, trying and failing to hide your disappointment in your voice. “Yeah, just… let me know.”

Javier sat at his desk, and sighed, rubbing his eyes. 

Yeah.

Too close.

Christmas Eve. Javier was tired. He had stayed late the night before, drowning himself in work to combat the growing feeling of loneliness and melancholy over the holiday. He had tried to push you out of mind, and tried to decide how he was going to tell you he wouldn’t be available for that drink. 

You weren’t avoiding him that day, but you certainly didn’t go out of your way to talk to him. You wore some dangly, Christmas-themed earrings that made little tinkling noises when you moved your head. He was achingly aware of your every move, every word that was within earshot, and every smile that graced your face.

God. Focus, Peña. 

Steve wasn’t there that day, having taken off to spend time with Connie and his kid. Javier was fine with that, meant less snide comments that would be pointed his way. He kept his head down, and didn’t bother interacting with the few people who were there at the office.

Quickly enough, the sun had set and the workday was over, but Javier made no move to leave. Everyone had vacated by now, save for himself, the janitor, and you. He looked up when you approached his desk, and he could see something in your hand. He opened his mouth to speak, but you beat him to it.

“Try not to stay up all night,” you said and set a tall mason jar on his desk filled with something off-white. He frowned, and looked back at you, “Homemade eggnog.” You offered an explanation.

His heart dropped.

Fuuuuck.

Fuck, fuck, fuck!

“Merry Christmas, Javier.” You said with a smile when he just sat there, staring like an idiot. You turned and walked to your desk, picking up your bag. You stole another look his way and nodded, and headed to the door. When it shut, his head swiveled to the jar on his desk.

He pondered for a second. Then another second. Then a minute.

God, he couldn’t be this much of an ass. Not on Christmas Eve, of all nights.

Javier quickly gathered everything up, shutting the lights off since the janitor had left minutes ago. Pulling on his jacket hastily, he grabbed the jar. As he hurried out the door, almost forgetting to lock it before turning back and fumbling with the keys. He pulled it once to make sure it was locked and then flew down the hallway.

He struggled to find a taxi, and took it to your place that he struggled to remember. It got him to the right neighborhood, and he found your building moments later. He jogged up the steps when he got inside and approached your door. He hesitated, and wondered if this was a good idea. He pushed the thought from mind and knocked hastily. He didn’t care what the outcome was, he had to say something. Whatever he was going to say, he didn’t know. Good thing he was quick on his feet-

Javier frowned, and looked down to see an elderly gentleman in a white shirt answer the door, looking tired and sleepy.

“Quién eres?” The man questioned, and Javier gulped. He quickly gave his apologies, and the man grunted and waved his hand, cursing under his breath about drunk men knocking on his door. Javier shook his head, rubbing the back of his neck, and looked at the next door. He could have sworn it was this one, but he must have been mistaken. 

He walked to the next one, and knocked. He would have to knock on every door on the right hand side of the hallway if he had to-

You opened the door with a frown on your face, phone pressed to your cheek and dressed in sleep pants and a t-shirt.

“H-hi.” He greeted, and cleared his throat. He said your name, and you cocked an eyebrow, obviously surprised.

“I just- I-“ Javier began, but you turned to the side,

“Mom, let me call you back. No, it’s- It’s carolers! How cool is that-? Yes, I know- Okay, love you, bye!” You said quickly and pressed the button hard to hang up. You looked at him, eyes narrowing.

“Did you come to give me back the eggnog?” You questioned, gesturing to the jar in his hand. He looked down at it, then back at you.

“Well, I- I was hoping we could-“

“Christ, Javier. Get in here, you’re gonna let all the cold air out.” You said, and gestured for him to come in hastily. He stepped inside and you closed the door, you both turned to face each other. You crossed your arms.

“Hoping we could- what? Just because I gave you that does not mean-“ 

“No! No… I just- I’m sorry. I feel bad.” 

“Javier Peña feels bad?” You scoffed, and shook your head, reaching for the doorknob. He stepped forward, hand outstretched,

“Yes, I do! I do. I… Wanted to say thanks...”

“For the eggnog.” You stated, finishing for him. He sighed, and knew this would be a shit show. He had to recover it somehow.

“Not just that. For offering to hang out, for bringing cookies… for making Christmas a little more… Like Christmas, I guess.” 

You stared at him. And then you laughed. It started out as a nervous, breathy laugh, and then you crescendoed into a cackle. You wiped your eyes, and shook your head,

“Peña, you are something else.” You said, and reached for the doorknob again. “Now, get ou-“

“At least have that drink with me first.” Javier said quickly, and you looked at him. You seemed to ponder it for a moment, and your eyebrows furrowed with frustration and he thought for sure that you would throw him out by his ear. But, your shoulders relaxed, and you shook your head.

“Fine. Not like I have anything else going on.” You said, resigned to it and locked the door, walking to the kitchen. He followed along quickly, and you reached into a cabinet and pulled out a bottle of bourbon, looking half-drunk already. He wondered how much you indulged in it, and the thought made him smirk slightly.

“I’m just doing this to be nice,” you said pointedly when he set down the jar, and you found two mismatched glasses, dividing up the eggnog and alcohol ratio. “And to keep from being on the phone with my mother.”

Javier nodded, and hesitated to take off his jacket or make any other move to make himself comfortable. He stood there rather awkwardly before you gestured to the living room.

“Go ahead, sit. I’ll meet you there.” you said, and he nodded, feeling some kind of relief to do something other than stand there like an idiot. He walked to the living room and shed his jacket, draping it over the back corner of the couch and looked at the TV, which was playing some black and white movie, the accents dramatic and distinctively old-timey. He heard the name “George Bailey” cross the lips of one of the actresses, but still had no clue what you were watching. He sat on the edge of the couch, and looked up when you came in, carrying two glasses.

“It’s a Wonderful Life,” you said, and handed him the glass, which he took carefully. He looked at you with a cocked up eyebrow, and you rolled your eyes. “The movie, Javier.” you chided, and sat on the other side of the couch, a respectable distance.

He took a sip of the drink, and found it to be sweet, like the cookies. The bourbon gave it a bit of a stronger flavor, and he swallowed.

“It’s good,” he said, and he could see your unconvinced glare and he leaned back slightly, trying to recover some of his confidence. “I’m not lying. It’s good. Reminds me of back home.”

You seemed to relax at this, and nodded, satisfied. You shifted your eyes to the movie, and he could see the fondness in them as you watched the movie. 

 "What is it you want, Mary? What do you want? You want the moon? Just say the word, and I'll throw a lasso around it and pull it down."

“He reminds me of you, you know.” you said quietly, and he kept his eyes trained on you as yours never left the screen.

“A little misguided, unaware of the bigger picture around you. Maybe a bit cynical, too wrapped up in work to remember the finer, more important things in life.” you said, and he chuckled.

“Yeah? That’s your assessment?” he said, and you shrugged, taking a sip of your drink.

“Yeah. I’m just wondering what’s going to kick you in the ass to realize what you’ve been missing. I don’t think it’s going to be an angel, exactly, but… It is Christmas, after all.” you said with a shrug, and he glanced over your face. The slope of your nose, the curve of your lips as they sipped the drink, the way your eyes sparkled in the TV’s light.

What was he doing? Sitting here, on Christmas Eve, drinking eggnog and watching a movie with a woman who had no intention of sleeping with him? Why was he allowing himself to be in a situation like this? Javier didn’t do… whatever this is. 

“Yeah, who knows what could happen.” he said into his glass, his eyes finally moving away from you to the screen. He inhaled gently, the smell of balsam and something distinctly you filled his senses. He had experienced it in passing, like when you walk past his desk or he visits you at your desk. Something just has him pulled towards you, and he has no idea why. It scares him, though.

The movie played on quietly between the two of you, and you had pulled your knees up to your chest at one point. The silence should have been weird, awkward. But, it wasn’t. Javier felt comfortable just sitting in your presence, a sense of calm coming over him. Without the stress of having to converse to fuck things up further, he allowed himself to sink back into the couch a bit. 

The movie wasn’t what he would exactly pick for casual viewing, but you seemed enamored with it. Every time he glanced at you, your eyes were glued to the screen. Soon, your respective glasses were empty and set on the coffee table.

“Hey, Javier?” you questioned after a silence settled in the movie, nearly startling him. He did his best to recover, and cleared his throat, making a hum of acknowledgement.

“If you could have anything for Christmas, what would it be?” you questioned, and he looked over at you to see your eyes were finally torn from the screen, and were on him. He thought for a moment, leaning his head back and slung an arm across the back of the couch, lips parted in thought.

“I guess… maybe a true day of rest. No stress. No paperwork. No having to deal with Steve, or anyone else at the office-” he said, almost on autopilot, but then wanted to kick himself. He fucked up- shit, shit, shit-

But, you laughed.

“I don’t blame you one bit. Place can be insufferable, sometimes. Especially coworkers.” you said, and he could sense the jab right back at him. He shook his head, a small smirk on his lips as he tilted his head back straight to look at you.

“What about you? What’s on The Best Secretary Ever’s Christmas list?” he questioned, and you rolled your eyes, but smiled, looking down at your nails to busy yourself instead of looking at him.

“Ha, ha. Well… Maybe-” you said, but stopped quickly, and shook your head. “A car. So I can go anywhere I want… explore everywhere, and escape, and-”

“Now, why do I feel like you’re lying?” Javier questioned, raising an eyebrow. He didn’t have to use much sleuthing skills to figure that one out. You looked at him darkly, but then back to your nails.

“Fine, in the spirit of the holiday, I’ll be honest.” you said, and Javier shifted on the couch to angle his body towards yours a little more. 

“I just… want someone to- God, this is so stupid. I should not be saying this, especially not you-” you said, the regret already coming out in your voice. But, when you looked at Javier, there seemed to be something on his face that told you to go on. You seemed to relax a bit, and he wondered what exactly you saw on his face. He was just being patient, quiet, listening- something Javier Peña rarely did. 

“I want someone to buy groceries with. Get coffee with, even if it’s too hot outside. Someone to talk to on the phone or come home to after a long day.” you said, your voice getting more and more quiet, and your eyes shifted down to your nails again, and he noticed you were picking the cuticles slightly. Nervous habit, he noted. Why were you nervous?

“It’s dumb, I know. I wouldn’t want to sacrifice my independence, my work, or anything, just… Someone to share life with, I guess.” you said, and Javier felt his throat close up gently. When it was apparent you were done, he nodded slowly.

“I see.” he said, and he could see you visibly flinch.

“Like I said, dumb stuff. I guess the holiday puts me in a lonely, longing mood. 5th one in a row without someone.” you said, and Javier frowned at this. How was that possible, no one being worthy enough to spend time with you? He couldn’t understand it. You were smart, kind, incredibly and achingly good looking, and knew exactly what you wanted in life. Better than him in any and all aspects, really.

“It’s not dumb.” he said, and you raised your eyes to his, momentarily stopping your picking. You raised an eyebrow, unconvinced, and he shrugged.

“We’re human, right? We want connection like that. It’s in our nature.”

We, we, our. What was he doing? Roping himself into this whole thing?

“Right.” you said, and nodded, but that skeptical look was still in your eyes. But, you smiled small.

“Never thought Javier Peña would admit any of that.” you said, and he shrugged it off, his eyes moving back to the movie.

“I’m full of surprises.”

You updated him on the movie that you missed while you conversed, and as he watched, he could tell more and more this was a pretty depressing movie. This George guy was on the brink of losing everything, and if he didn’t straighten up, he would be sad, lonely, and probably better off dead.

Javier wanted to scoff. Were you trying to teach him a lesson or something?

He couldn’t help but feel a pang of sympathy for this George guy, though. And maybe that sympathy was extended to himself for a second.

As the movie went on, you stretched your legs out slightly, but not enough to touch Javier’s thigh, though it was dangerously close. If he wanted, he could move his hand from his lap and touch your ankle, your smooth and delicate skin. 

But no. Don’t push it. Not on Christmas Eve.

He heard you sniffling at the particularly sad part of the movie, and looked over at you to see you wipe your eyes hastily. You glanced at him out of the corner of your eye, and shrugged.

“What? Old Hollywood makes me emotional, okay?” you laughed lightly, though he could understand where your emotions came from. He let you have this moment, though, and looked away. 

But, the movie had a hopeful turn. And a happy ending that only Hollywood could deliver.

“No man is a failure who has friends.”

Javier pursed his lips, and wanted to shake his head. Maybe he couldn’t relate, after all.

“We’re friends, right?” you questioned, and Javier swiveled his head to see you still wiping tears from your eyes, sniffing before you looked at him. His eyes moved over your face, and he nodded without much thought.

“Yeah. I think so.” he said. Whether it was for your benefit or his, he wasn’t sure. But, it felt right to say it. And your light smile you gave him knew it was the right thing to say. Probably the only right thing he had said all night.

You picked up the glasses as the movie ended, and rinsed them out in the kitchen. He stood up, stretching and followed you without much thought. He leaned against the doorway, watching you and then assessing the room, his eyes roaming. Looking above him, he saw a green and red plant and swallowed. He looked back at you just as you turned back to him, and walked towards him. When you stopped in front of him, and you opened your mouth to speak, he gulped.

“Merry Christmas, Javier.” you said with a smile, and he could feel the subtle shift to get him to leave. But, you were under mistletoe, and he couldn’t help himself.

He kissed your cheek gently, pulling away just as quickly and smiled.

“Merry Christmas, cariño.” he said quietly, and you frowned, then glanced up above the two of you and your cheeks reddened.

“Javier, that’s, uh- that’s just holly.” you said, and he froze. Oops.

“Oh, uh- I just-”

“Well, I give you a point for trying to keep the holiday spirit.” you laughed, and he relaxed a bit. He nodded, and gave you a smile as he moved back to collect his jacket. 

“You should take a break from the office tomorrow,” you said. He shrugged and pulled his jacket over his arms, then adjusting it on his shoulders.

“Why? May miss the chance to see you.” he said, and you rolled your eyes so hard he thought they were going to fall out of your head. But, a smile quickly followed it, and he smirked. 

“I’m taking the day off, like many others.” you said, and he began to back up to the front door as you rounded closer to him to usher him out. He bumped up against the door,

“Well, that’s a shame. I’ll miss my favorite secretary and her holiday cheer.” he said, and you stopped at a healthy distance. He could see you trying to suppress an amused expression, and grinned. “Come on, cariño, it’s true. You are my favorite. No one else would bring Christmas cookies to me unless they were trying to poison me.” 

“Who says I wasn’t trying to?” you teased with a smirk, and he shook his head,

“If you wanted to kill me, you would have done it already. Several times over.” You nodded, but shrugged slightly. 

“I guess you’re more tolerable than I thought.” 

Silence hung in the air as you two gazed at each other. He looked up for just a moment and spotted the clock hanging on the wall. Midnight had just passed, and when he looked back at you, you were stepping closer and closer to him. He looked down at you, having nowhere else to go with his back pressed against the door. You were so close now that he could feel your body heat hovering just above his chest. He inhaled, but as you reached down, the lock clicked to unlock.

“I’ll see you later.” you said, and the tension in his chest melted away almost instantaneously, and he nodded as you moved to open the door. He pushed off of it, and watched as you opened it, but a little slower than he would have thought.

“Merry Christmas.” he said with a smile, and you looked up at him with a nod. He stepped out, and jerked back when he felt you tug on his jacket before he could move away. He turned on his heel, thinking you wanted one more quip, but was shocked (to say the least) when you pulled him down by his collar to kiss him. He stiffened for just a blink but immediately resigned into it and kissed you back gently, eyes falling closed and his hand moving to your waist. When you pulled away he attempted to chase your lips, but his eyes opened for a moment to see you looking up at him. You searched his eyes, like you were trying to weigh the options presented before you. 

He felt that familiar tightness in his chest, and when your hands dropped from his jacket, his hand regretfully dropped from your waist.

“Merry Christmas, Javi,” you whispered, and smiled lightly. He smiled small, the proximity between you two still minimal. He wanted to pull you in, kiss your sweet lips again. 

But as you backed up into your apartment, his hand twitched at his side from the thought. But, your hand rested on the door, and as your eyes fell, you began to close it. He quickly pushed up a hand to stop the door, and said a bit breathlessly,

“New Year’s Eve. What are you- where will you be?” You looked up at him in surprise, blinked, and then responded,

“The office is having a party at the bar down the street. Figured I’d go, at least for a little…” you said, and he nodded, having forgotten all about it until this point. Now that he thought of it, he had heard Steve and some of the other agents talking about it. 

“Perfect.” he said, and nodded. You waited for a moment, and he could see the confused look in your eyes, but you gave him a light smile.

“‘Night, Javi.” you said, and he lowered his hand as the door shut quietly in his face. He stared at the dark wood before him, and gave himself a confident nod.

New Year’s Eve, he thought. Do not fuck this one up, Peña.

divider by @/saradika-graphics!

Comment, like, reblog, anything is appreciated! ❤️

[vulpixisananimal]

[A:3 C:60] (Odile)

(. . . . . .)

(You had kicked everyone else out of Ramos’ room as Dr. Gina Joy did his work. Your group had probably been giving him more work than he had all week, gems. . .)

(You stood nearby as the doctor checked every part of Ramos’ body. You had your notebook out, taking notes whenever Gina talked. But, in honesty, you were more looking at your past notes, to calm yourself.)

(. . . . A couple months ago, your notes on mind craft started. Your notes on Ramos. It was your distrust of Ramos.)

(Why would you trust them, back then? You had met them just that day, and you had seen what happened to Siffrin because of what they did. You remember the first thing you ever said to them. You found them when they were recovering, and you had a moment alone.)

(“Do you know how to hide a dead body, Ramos?” You had asked. And they answered honestly, “No, I don’t. Why?”)

(And you replied simply. “I do.”)

(It was a simple threat. If they harmed your family, your people, those who you would give the world for, they’re dead.)

(. . .)

(You regret it, now.)

(Gems, that makes two then. Two people who you thought would backstab you, and two you were wrong about. And now they're dating! Ha!)

(. . . Ha. . .)

(. . . Once Ramos was better, you can apologize.)

>>>

(Bonnie)

(Soup n’ sandwich. You couldn’t get more boring with your brunch, but the doctor said so, so here you are. Boring old soup n’ sandwich. . .)

(. . . You nibble at the sandwich. You weren’t hungry.)

(Is ‘Oz gonna be okay?)

(You dunno, they said something about a fight in ‘Frins brain, right? And, and ‘Oz. . .)

(. . . You remember when you first met ‘Oz. You were going to where ‘Za used to work, met ‘m, seemed okay, smelt weird. You ran off for mint, few minutes later. . .)

(No that wasn’t it!)

(Huh?)

(It was th’ market!)

(Oh, yeah. ‘Oz was disguised, took you, but they weren’t in control, was bein’ controlled. They apologized a lot for that)

(. . . You wish you met ‘Oz a nicer way.)

(Yeah. . . You wanna know more about their gardening. They knew a lotta ‘bout gardening, and you wanted to know to get nice, big, juicy veggies! Getting all dirty and finding worms!!)

(Heheh! Yeah!! You could also ask about, uhm, uuuuh. . . Oh!!! What ‘Za was like!)

(Boooooriiing you KNOW what ‘Za is like. No you could ask about uhm, uh. . .)

(Heh, outta ideas?)

(Shut up!)

>>>

(Isabeau)

(You tried not to bounce your leg as Siffrin lay curled up, head down in your lap. They were hidden beneath one of their many hats. Who knew who was fronting, but you don’t think it really mattered at this point.)

(. . . Complete ego death.)

(That’s what Gina and Odile hypothesised anyway. The doctor had gone back to the medhouse to do what he could, but apparently all Ramos needed was, time. Time to rest, recover, and to piece themself back together.)

(Ha. . . Funny thing about time, huh. You gently pat Siffrins hair. A very, very funny thing about time. You found Sif not long ago chucking their dagger out the door. They tried to loop back. They DID loop back. But, whatever kinda checkpoint system they had, it was too late. After that they curled up on you. . .)

(. . . Your buddy. . . And your partner. . .)

(Why couldn’t life be simple again? You liked just swapping jokes with Sif, letting him take all the blankets when you shared a bed, eating together. You liked studying for the big exams with Ramos, always so anxious, always getting great grades. You liked going on jogs, you’d be done after a few miles and they could go for more. You liked wrestling with them, even though you always won.)

(. . . That's what Change is about huh, breaking something, killing something. You both changed. You returned to Jouvente to find that yourself and Ramos were, different. You were more confident in who you are, and Ramos has changed into who they wanted to be.)

(You really wish you could have been there, though. You should have seen how anxious they were about doing good, always asking to study and train with you. You should have helped them with more inside stuff than outside. You should have said a proper goodbye. You should have done a lotta things. . .)

(And someone else took advantage of the fact you didn't. Reach. Out.)

(So, you, reached out.)

(You talked to them, asked what was going on, why they were doing this. . . You were worried for them. And, you got through you them! They felt terrible, and wanted to fix things but. . . But for that fucking archeologist in their head!)

(Seeing your buddy, your best friend, your bestie, morphed into a sadness. Seeing them hurt, seeing them trying so hard, reaching out to you. You couldn’t imagine what it must have been like. . .)

(. . . You hold Sif a bit closer.)

>>>

(Mirabelle)

(You breathe in. . . And, out. . .)

(It was the next day and you had gone on a walk. You know it’s a bad idea, you know it’s reckless, and unnecessary, and, and just stupid. But, you needed to go on a walk. A walk out of the city gate and into the woods.)

(You breathe in. . . . . And. . . Out. . . . .)

(That’s where you are now. A small clearing, away from the city, looking at a little rabbit sniffing around the clearing. You were here because you were still afraid. You were afraid of not being good enough, strong enough, brave enough. Perci could read minds and was an ace with those swords. Merlon could explode waves of sadness with a snap. With Ramos, Ramos like they are right now. . .)

(. . . You looked at the little rabbit. It’s, it’s alright to do this, right?)

{. . . IT WILL NOT HURT. IF IT FEELS WRONG. BRING TREAT NEXT TIME.}

(O-okay, okay. Okay. Okay. You breathe in, and, hold out your hand sign, staring down the rabbit! You used SOOTHING RESTFUL SONG!)

(The rabbit was frozen in time.)

(You let out a breath, you smell sugar, c-change. . . O-oh that. . . You felt a surge of cold within you, that took a lot of energy, but, it worked. . .)

(. . . Does, d-does, it get, easier?)

{. . . YES.}

(Thank you. . . You, walk towards the rabbit, and clap your hands, unfreezing the rabbit. It bolts off into the woods.)

(. . . You sit down in the grass. You could do it. If you met them again, you could do it.)

(. . . Oh Ramos.)

(Once everything calmed down in Jouvente, you just had to talk to them. To tell them just, how proud you were. They made mistakes, but, they’re working to fix it. They got the confidence to change their body, and the next thing was to change their mind, to get more. . . Confident.)

(This kind of change of mind was. . . Not what you had envisioned.)

(. . . Ramos is going to be okay. They had to be okay, they will be okay! So! Since they're going to be okay, you needed to train up to fight historians! Right?)

{RIGHT. IT WILL NOT BE EASY.}

(Yeah. You know. You stand up. Will frozen time be enough, you think?)

{JUST FOCUS ON YOUR TARGET. CHANNEL YOU EMOTIONS FOR THE STRONGEST ATTACK.}

(. . . That's why sadness like you can do that easily, right?)

{. . . YES.}

(Hehe. Maybe you should fight instead.)

{. . .}

(. . . S-sorry, that was a joke.)

{HA. HA.}

>>>

(Pétronille)

(It was the next day.)

(And you were feeling more useless than ever.)

(Ramos went under two days ago, and since then everyone had been doing their part. Be it moving their limbs so their body doesn't get crabbed up, helping them eat, drink, all that. Right now you were doing your part by staying home while the others went out for supplies.)

(. . . Change, dammit.)

(You were making yourself busy, cleaning the place up, dusting, all that. There were a bunch of random trinkets. Pictures, a compas, binoculars, random bits of brass, candles. . .)

(And the urn.)

(You paused for a second, staring at it. . . Change, you hope that wherever they are, it's a nice afterlife. You woulda loved to meet Eri, someone who'd defend the city in their old age. Someone who'd take a random kid like Ramos off the street.)

(. . . You wish you had someone like that back then.)

(Holding onto that little boat for dear life, little sibling still asleep, waves throwing you around. Finally making back to shore, and stumbling into Bambouche.)

(The people there were all so kind to you. But it was still just you, and Bonnie. You got a job, and Bonnie got a school. You got a house, a small house, more like a shack, but it was yours.)

(. . .)

(. . . Will, this house not have an owner, soon?)

(When Ramos recovers, you gotta give them a big hug. They helped save Bonbon, they asked a god for help AND IT WORKED! They helped reassure you. Crab that's not even mentioning they saved your mind at the inn.)

(From now on, if someone messes with Ramos, they mess with you. You're welded. No getting out that, Rams.)

>>>

(Siffrin) {Mal Du Pays} <Null> |Asterion|  [Loop] [(Saffron)]

[. . .]

[Your room. Your own headspace. Up the favor tree, past the canopy, and there you were. A treehouse. Looking out to the distance, the sights of the black sand beach were instead replaced with the house. That same house, still frozen in time.]

[(. . . Well?)]

[What.]

[(Do you feel proud?)]

[No! I don't feel blinding proud!]

[(But isn't that what you wanted?)]

[(The single sound mind in an endless sea of idiotic sailors. You who guides them to a happiness that you can never reach. Who reaches out, yet flinches away.)]

[. . .]

[(Tongue tied? Let me.)]

[(You regret it, but you know it was right. You know even if you didn't mean it, you finally have the trainee out of the way. You could finally rest easily knowing they don't have the host under their claws.)]

[(Because really! Who would believe that the host just falls in love with the trainee so fast! At the drop of a hat! At one little comment! No, no no no, the trainee is using him to get accepted in, obviously.)]

[(That's what you think, isn't it?)]

[. . . . . .]

[I don't want to think that anymore.]

[(So you'll join the idiots?)]

[YES! YES I'LL JOIN THE IDIOTS!!]

[I'LL JOIN ALL THE IDIOTS AND BURY MY HEAD IN THE SAND! I'LL LET RAMOS LIVE THEIR LIFE. KISS MY STARDUST. I'LL LET ASTERION DO WHAT HE WANTS EVEN!]

[AND THEN WHEN WE'RE STABBED IN THE BACK I'LL JUST TELL STARDUST I. TOLD. YOU. SO.]

[(wow, you really-)]

[Shut. Up.]

[I'm leaving.]

[(Leaving?)]

[Yes. Leaving.]

[And I'll come back when everyone's sane again.]

[(You know that'll never happen.)]

[Good.]

[morganski-19]

Chills Right to the Marrow Part 62

ao3 link| part 1 . . . part 59, part 60, part 61

the first part takes place somewhere between parts part 37 and part 39, the second part takes place during part 40, and the last part takes place sometime between part 40 and part 41.

“No, no, no,” Steve complains as the radio just keeps talking. He had switched it to the game while he was making dinner, seeing if it was anything worth watching. “Come on.”

Considering how bad they were losing, it might give him more stress to watch it happen.

“Something goin’ on,” Wayne asks, rummaging around the fridge to find something to eat before going to work.

“Nothing serious. Just a bunch of idiots who can’t seem to actually score anything good.”

“Listening to the game?”

Steve laughs. “Yeah. Might just turn it off, it’s pissing me off.”

“Oh, I know the feeling. I normally listen to the game on my way to work, find myself turning it off when I can’t take it anymore.”

He turns to stir the stir fry he was making in the pan. Lowering the heat so it doesn’t burn. “If there’s nothing good in the fridge, you can have some of this. I made too much for myself anyway.”

“Thanks.” Wayne grabs a bowl. “If it won’t piss you off too much, we could go and watch some of the game before I have to leave.”

Something in that makes Steve freeze for a moment. No one ever offers to watch the games with him. Nancy would sometimes, back when they were dating, but was never really into it. Back when he was friends with Tommy and Carol, they would sneak off halfway through. And just the mere mention of watching it now makes Robin gag, and Dustin roll his eyes.

The only person he can remember watching it with was once with his dad. He was seven and his dad called him into the living room, made him sit down. Asked somewhere between the fifth and sixth inning if Steve ever wanted to play. He knew, then, that if he did, it would make his dad proud. He said yes.

He never liked playing baseball as much as watching it, though. He switched to basketball and swimming in middle school, played that the rest of the way through high school. But that moment was one of the only nice memories he had of his dad.

“Yeah,” he says. Trying to play off whatever he was feeling. “That would be nice.”

Wayne walks away, waiting for Steve as he searches for the channel on the TV. Steve sits down on the other end of the couch. Watching the train wreck of a game, but that’s not what he was focusing on anymore.

It’s stupid, he knows. But somewhere, right now, that hole in his chest fills a little bit. For a moment he can pretend that he’s seven years old again, watching the game with his dad. It’s better this time, though. Now it’s with someone who cares.

“If you ever wanted to make this a little sweeter, a small bit of honey goes a long way,” Wayne offers during a commercial break.

“Really.”

Wayne nods. “Just a little bit, don’t need to go wasting it. But it just adds a little more flavor to it.”

Steve smiles. “I’ll have to try that next time.”

. . .

Steve’s out in the garage when he hears it. Someone in the house calling out his name. The closer he gets, the more distressed it sounds. He tries to remain calm as he finds who it is, but the panic is there.

And then he realizes that it’s Dustin, and everything starts to crumble.

“Dustin,” he says, trying to mask the panic in his voice.

Dustin’s just standing there in the hall, tears streaming down his face. He opens his mouth to try to say something, but all that comes out is a sob. His knees buckle and Steve rushes forward to catch him.

“What’s wrong,” the panic asks. “Are you hurt?”

“You—” is all Dustin says, the words broken off with another sob.

Steve holds him upright and brings him to the living room. Gets him to sit down, calm down. When he starts to breath less frantically, Steve leaves to go get some water from the kitchen. He finds Dustin’s backpack, the radio inside going off like crazy.

“Dustin,” Mike’s voice cracks through. “Dustin, do you copy?”

He finds the walkie. “It’s Steve, he’s at my place.”

“Oh thank God. He just ran off; we didn’t know where he went.”

“Is he ok,” Lucas speaks over Mike to ask.

“Doesn’t look like he’s injured, I’m pretty sure he had a panic attack, though. I’m making sure he’s ok.”

“Ok. Thanks, Steve.”

He returns to the living room, finally gets Dustin to tell him what happened. All of this started because Steve wasn’t at work. Because he called out. The panic on his face says something different, though. Something deeper.

“Dustin, talk to me,” he tries to coax. “What’s going on?”

“No one tell me anything,” Dustin practically yells. “I have to find out everything from someone else, or days, or weeks later. I never get told anything by the person themselves. I’m always the last to know.”

“Dustin—” Steve tries to explain.

Dustin doesn’t let him, though. “No. I’m tired of the excuses. I’m tired of you saying that it’s not my thing to worry about. Because I do. No matter how hard you think you shield me from it, I worry about it. Every day I wake up and wonder if your head is killing you. If when I see you later, you’re going to be how you were before, or a ghost of yourself. If I’m going to look at you push yourself for my betterment. When I know that you’re in pain.”

Stupidly, Steve thought he was hiding it well enough. There was that little bit Dustin saw last week, but that was a one-time thing. He didn’t need to know more; he didn’t need to worry about Steve.

“You’re like a brother to me, Steve. You’re family. I don’t know why you think you can just get away with hiding this from me, but you can’t. Because I love you and all I’m asking is to know what is going on with you. Is that such a big thing to ask?”

Brother, family. Hearing those from Dustin hits Steve harder than he thought they would. Because, deep down, he knew that. He knew that him and Dustin were close, and that they acted like brothers would. There was just that voice in his head that told him it was all fake. That Steve couldn’t really mean that much to Dustin, not when he had a family of his own.

Steve pulls Dustin into a hug, holding him closer than he needs to. But really, he does need to. “I’m sorry.” It doesn’t feel like enough, but it’s a start. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know.”

. . .

Steve shoots out of his sleep, sitting upright. Breaths leaving his lungs faster than he can suck them in. Heart beating so fast, it could run right out of his chest.

A trembling hand reaches out to click the lamp on his bedside. Three things. The swim trophy he won in his senior year. The picture of the party on his desk. His overflowing laundry basket. All things that can’t be in that place. They are all too new.

He wasn’t there. He was home.

In for four, out for eight. Until his breathing slows, his heart calms. The jittering comes to a steady pace. He won’t be able to go back to sleep. But he’s at least not panicking.

Well, not as much as he was.

Because he needs to do something, he stands and grabs the laundry. Takes it to the laundry room and throws it in. Stops to go and change his clothes, before shoving them in the washer too. It isn’t enough.

He heads to the kitchen, pulls out a book and opens the dog-eared page. Begins a recipe that he probably knew by heart by now, but needs to read. Because the steps, the simplicity, the method, it was calming in a way he couldn’t voice.

Robin was the first person Steve ever baked with. She had come over one day back in the summer complaining that her mom was trying this new health trend, and refused to buy any chocolate chips. And well, since he had an empty house, and at that point a hefty food budget from his parents, he offered to get the stuff to make it.

At first, they used the recipe on the back of the bag. Spent most of the time laughing, and spilling half the ingredients on the floor. He didn’t care. It was the first time that the house felt alive again.

What he didn’t realize, then, was how calming baking could be. How following a recipe precisely could calm nerves. Place the fear into something productive, and give it away. Steve didn’t make much, sometimes he would stray from the simple recipe, but nothing brough comfort like homemade chocolate chip cookies. Nothing reminded him how much he wasn’t alone.  

“We have to stop meeting like this, Steve,” Eddie’s voice echoes through the kitchen. He walks over to the island, taking a seat. “What will the town say?”

Steve smiles. “I don’t care for what the town says about me anymore.”

Eddie stares at him for a moment, thinking that Steve doesn’t notice. He does. It was painfully obvious, but Steve didn’t care. It’s been so long that someone stared at him for who he is, instead of who they want him to be. The look made Steve feel alive, in a way, like he was still capable of something.

And really, if Steve wanted to push, it could mean that the ignited heat that traveled with each stare might lead to something. Because, if his peripheral wasn’t fooling him, Eddie looked at him with such adoration it made Steve simultaneously melt and feel like a phony. How someone as amazing as Eddie looked at him like that, he didn’t know. But he felt like he didn’t deserve it.

“What are you making,” Eddie asks as Steve cracks the second egg into the bowl.

“Chocolate chip cookies.”

Eddie hums. “Didn’t take you as much of a baker. Especially a midnight baker. There’s a backstory to that one, I’m sure. Let me see.”

He does this thing, sometimes, where he just goes off on a tangent of one thought melding together with the next. Creative thoughts stringing together in one story, much larger than it needs to be. Steve likes listening to it, though. It’s kinda cute.

“So either,” Eddie continues, “you are so ashamed of your secret love for baking that you only allow yourself to partake in such activities in the dead of night. Or. You are secretly a night owl, which is why you are so perky in the morning. You’ve already been up for hours, and are not tired.”

He laughs. “I’m not that perky in the mornings.”

“If you smile at me before eight am, that therefore makes you perky.”

“Maybe I just like smiling at you. Ever think of that?” He looks at Eddie when he says that. Sees the teasing smile turn into shock. Unexpected shock, but not unpleasant.

Steve’s reckless with his feelings sometimes. It makes him say things like that. Makes that beating of his heart come back. But instead of fear, it pumps him full of something else. Something terrified him in a way he was comfortable with.

And it meant that Eddie looked at him like that, and let Steve know it. It made Steve think that maybe, just maybe, he isn’t crazy for this. He hasn’t lost his mind. He isn’t making a stupid mistake. He might just be making the right decision for once.

The oven beeps that it’s done preheating, breaking Steve away. He hopes that it doesn’t mean Eddie does too.

“How’d I do,” Eddie asks as Steve starts to place cookies on the sheet pan. “With my guesses.”

“Not entirely wrong, I am up for longer than you think I am, sometimes. But not because I’m secret night owl.”

Eddie reaches out and steals the spatula. Hesitating for a moment to see if Steve would stop him. He doesn’t. “Why then?”

“Nightmares.”

The room falls to silence except for the clicking of the scoop.

Steve sighs. “When I get a bad one, I need to do something to get my mind off it. If it’s light out, I go for a run, or a drive. If it’s night, I bake. Sometimes I clean, but that never really helps as much as baking does. Not sure why that sticks so much.”

“I get it,” Eddie almost whispers as Steve slides the cookies into the oven. “Before, when my hands didn’t actively hate me, if I couldn’t sleep, I would play something on my acoustic. It helped calm me down. Playing songs I knew by heart, feeling the motions of my hand playing the notes, it was the most calm I ever felt.”

He wishes he was there to watch Eddie play. He could only hear it, just slightly able to differentiate the live playing from the recording. Steve can imagine what he looked like, but he wished he didn’t have to.

“You’re going to be able to play again, you know.” He doesn’t know what compels him to say it, but he really believes it. “With your determination, I think you could do anything.”

Eddie scoffs, rich in pain. “I wish I was as optimistic as you are.”

“Just because you think that it won’t ever happen again, doesn’t mean it won’t. That pool out there, I haven’t been able to fill it for two years. Something happened in there that made me never want to fill it again. But I did. And maybe when I stop thinking something’s going to pull me into another dimension, I’ll be able to swim in it again.” He turns to look out the kitchen window, seeing the moonlight reflect on the water. “I used to love to swim.”

He did. Before the upside down, when it was just a normal life that were giving him problems, he would swim lap after lap. Until his muscles were sore and his body still felt the waves of the water even when on land. Each time his arm crashed into the water, his frustrations melted away.

“Maybe both of us could find a way to love what we used to again,” Steve finishes.

He turns back to look at Eddie, seeing a mix of emotions in his face. The thing that stands out the most is the want to believe him. The want to believe that the weakness in his hands won’t stop him from playing again. That somewhere in the future, it could be possible to.

Steve really believes that it’s possible. It will just take time. Far too much time, creating nothing but frustration and anger. But it is possible. He believes that. And maybe, just maybe, if Steve could still be lucky enough to have Eddie in his life, he could witness it happen.

If the secondary look that Eddie’s giving him is any solace that what Steve feels isn’t one sided, maybe it could guarantee that. Maybe, if Steve could find the words and tell him, or lean forward and just take a chance, he could see if it’s possible.

The timer beeps, breaking whatever moment they had. It’s for the best, really. Steve can’t lose a friendship over the possibility of maybe. He’s lost too much already to that.

apparently my goal when writing this is how much I can make myself cry, because that bit with Wayne and Dustin definitely got me there

tag list (closed): @the-they-who-nerded, @insteviewetrust, @croatoan-like-its-hot, @jettestar,

@tinyplanet95, @steddie-as-they-go, @slv-333, @littlecelestialmoth, @thatonebadideapanda,

@fandomsanddeath, @marismorar, @wonderland-girl143-blog, @glass-bottle03, @gutterflower77,

@here4thetrama, @goodolefashionedloverboi, @jaytriesstuff, @cryptid-system, @manda-panda-monium,

@resident-gay-bitch, @anaibis, @xxsutherlandxx, @forevermineliv, @mugloversonly,

@gregre369, @n0-1-important, @different-tale-student, @spectrum-spectre, @tartarusknight,

@devondespresso, @swimmingbirdrunningrock, @cheertain, @anti-ozzie, @autumncrocusandladybug,

@greeniebean911, @cr0w-culture, @stillfullofshit, @connected-dots, @daisynotquake,

@morgannotlefay, @a-little-unsteddie, @dolphincliffs, @maskofmirrors, @me-and-my-sloth,

@papergrenade, @waelkyring, @sweetheartprincess28, @katouasobj, @astercomoasflores

[entities-of-posts]

(true story, anyone who's curious can ask about it and i will respond!!)

recently i've been going through a very rough time. experiencing a lot of mental health issues, trauma, stress. one day i go to the hospital due to a family emergency. i end up getting out around 5 or 6 in the morning and i barely get any sleep.

my mental state has been greatly afflicted. i've endured psychosis and sanity loss many times and i knew what it was when i felt it. i was disconnected from the world, and none of my usual attempts to ground myself would help. i sat on the bridge st my dear grandmother's house and the river did not heal me. the leaves, the breeze, the very forest itself did nothing. nothing felt quite real, or i didn't, or i didn't feel like i was in it...you know how it goes.

but then i looked to the sky. i looked up and...it calmed me. looking at it. into it. at how...open it. no. at how vast it is. endless, boundless. at how the trees, i'd say 50 or 60 feet tall, some taller, stretched far as they did, but still did not reach into that vast expanse. they reached some but...not all the way. not far enough to touch even the edges of it. and i looked at it and it really was just like i could fall in. i looked at it and it felt like it does when you go over a bump driving. that funny feeling in your stomach. it's not exactly like falling. it's not exactly like floating either.

it's somewhat indescribable. it's like being consumed by the sky, and being enveloped by the sky. falling but with no fear of space of ground, just that infinite far from empty abyss.

people get it wrong when they say it is empty. it is not. it is the sky. the clouds, the air. and you.

ever since i've been taking pictures of the sky, gazing at the sky, trying to appreciate it's heart-sinking incredible marvel ever since. it's the only thing that snapped me out of that genuine insanity and i've been fascinated and enthralled ever since. i've come to see myself in the sky. find it comforting. looking at it or at those pictures where you can truly see that ungraspable vastness calms me down from just about anything. it's a part of me now.

i think perhaps the vast has a hold on me.

and i don't mind.

A classic tale; refuge from one facet of Dread under the wing of another. Escaping from an inward Spiral by realizing how truly small you are the Immensity. It really is beautiful.

[dallasgallant]

Time period post: Christmas part 2 , celebration

This’ll be part 2 of my little Christmas time period series! This post will be more focused on what people did, received and watched/listened to. Very generalized as holidays vary from family to family, person to person even today.

Crafts-

As mentioned in the previous post, there were a lot of crafty decorations at Christmas. Paper chains, paper snowflakes. A lot of ‘do it yourself’ fun upcycle (not called so then) ideas from womens and home magazines. As well as displaying whatever a child made at school, there were also sold kits or guides like what’s commonly referred to as “melted popcorn plastic”

Toys and gifts -

Was specifically requested to include popular toys in this post, the 1960s had a lot of the same style of toys that were popular in the 40s and 50s too, timeless toys. Tinker toys, Barbie (and her friends, which were new and not wiped out yet), Lincoln logs and other building toys. Guns and army men and cowboys for boys and kitchens and stuffed toys for girls… the usual, it was very gendered but at the same time there were always toys in the neutral (play-doh for example)

Train sets! American staple for ages and stuck with a good many from Boyhood to manhood, there’s the sort of trope of a guy having a full on room dedicated in his basement. (My grandpa didn’t have a set up track but collected a LOT- Lionel is king) if not trains other model kits like cars or planes, for the older demographic. You go from push toys to scale model as one ages.

The primary difference is the 60s saw a BOOM in “electronic” toys, real battery eaters or ones that needed to be plugged in. The first lite brite for instance,

Now the characters in the outsiders are teens and beyond toys, so I do want to emphasize what they’d know more from their own childhoods in the late 40s-50s would be the more “classic” and basic toys. Another interesting fact is that radio shows and tv shows has their branding and merchandise since basically the inception of the concept.

There would be special catalogs at Christmas time thick, if not thicker than a phone book filled with deals and all the items these stores had to offer. Toys to lingerie all in one great big book. It’s just as major a part of the holiday season as any, though these big books have fizzled out alongside department stores themselves and catalogs even in the holiday season now are pretty small (I still remember circling what I wanted in the early 2000s but it was a nothing size compared to what they were)

If you ever come across old catalogs or magazines I greatly recommend looking through them as they can tell you so much about time period (for any you’re looking for) from what people bought, what price, how they were advertised to, what demographic, how they dressed, spoke, what was happening etc.

Traditions and games-

Holidays have always had a bit of commercialism to them but the 1960s was really the edge of it when it came to Christmas, in fact several iconic specials even mention it being commodified. For many, it’s the last time Christmas felt truly special and magical… and I do think the season changes as we age there is some truth to that- in decoration and how the holiday was treated. Not just two days but a season, a spirit - feeling in the air.

Thanksgiving ends, December first hits and the Christmas bomb explodes. Family comes, traditions are had and cherished. Shopping, cooking, eating, card sending, photo taking etc. or you go somewhere else- usually to other families homes typically a larger gathering. It’s about that togetherness more than the gifts (though greatly appreciated lol) a chance to relax in an increasingly busy, modernizing world.

Hard candy! Bowls of it placed strategically about the house, Christmas was the time for grazing sweets and other finger foods constantly. Some families would have a appetizer/horderves Christmas Eve— constantly eating and picking and present opening and tv watching, family enjoying. Then your large meal Christmas Day, like thanksgiving usually earlier in the day. Turkey was still common but ham is a runner up (personally, ham is Christmas and Easter.)

Citrus as gifts and treats and candies were also common, apparently it traces back to the civil war when they were more uncommon. Also it’s a seasonal thing, and post ww2 a lot of fruits we now consider normal we’re still new and exciting to receive (so like getting a apple at Halloween it was actually a good thing! Depending on the kid anyway lol)

Homemade cookies, pies, gingerbread and other deserts as well. Now there were more cake mixes or premade things to be bought from bakery’s but when you could it was still a preference to make and gift homemade.

Eggnog. Spiked or otherwise, alongside a myriad of punches ranging from the great sherbet and sprite(or 7Up) to booze that would make your aunt stay another week there’s so much.

Movies, specials and music-

First mentioned this here, going over the family and limited channel aspect. Some movies we consider holiday staples, like It’s a wonderful life had some complicated copyright and weren’t played on tv yet- though might get a re-release. The 1960s also saw many of the classics we now watch release, though the Santa Claus Rankin Bass specials weren’t until 1970 and 1974.

- how the grinch stole Christmas 1966

- Rudolph the red nose reindeer 1965

- frosty the snowman 1969

- the little drummer boy 1968

-a Charlie Brown Christmas 1965

There were also new takes on classic Christmas tunes, the Ronettes sleigh ride particularly took off.

60s releases but also generally good songs-

Little Saint Nick - Beach boys 1964

Christmas (baby please come home)- Darlene love 1962

Someday at Christmas - Stevie wonder 1967 (he also sang ‘Stay gold’ for the movie)

Santa baby

Baby it’s cold outside

Here comes Santa Claus, I saw mommy kissing Santa , holly jolly Christmas , rocking around the Christmas tree, marshmallow world

Need a little Christmas

Burl Ives, bing crosby, Johnny , Perry como, nat king cole- notable classics singers

Ones gang would particularly like-

Run Rudolph run - chuck berry

Mary Christmas baby - Otis Redding 1967

Blue Christmas - Elvis (all Elvis christmas songs)

[journey-to-the-attic]

alright so i've just spent most of the morning catching up with nb s3 so here are my thoughts immediately in retrospect (spoilers of course)

it became very clear with the last few lessons that the writers either were on crunch time to round things up (most likely) or just could not give a shit (feels less likely, and i want to have more faith than that in them)

so i guess we're never going to find out what nightbringer's deal was? or what he meant by sending mc back in time to find happiness?

or what that prophecy was about

or how nightbringer 'made solomon the man he is'

or why barbatos was so mysteriously knowing in the opening movie, as if he had something to do with the time thing

or what the deal is with michael

story ended before we could date thirteen :(

not really to do with s3 but i wonder if they ever intended to have mc make pacts with diavolo or barbatos

thirteen and mephistopheles did not have arcs at all? there were some points where it felt like thirteen was deliberately excluded, even

raphael's arc is over so abruptly as well. he's anguished and distraught and then babel explodes but not really and he's completely fine again afterwards?

did not need lucifer to be in angel form for the master moment. and i feel like it would've hit harder for lucifer as a demon to break through the illusion anyway!!

it felt like there were so many cop-outs in general

rule of three: mc does fall from things three times in total but there doesn't seem to have been any real narrative reason for that

the last fall had a whole dramatic foreshadowing dream about it! but mc just has a brief vision and then it turns out lucifer caught them and everyone's fine

got real tired of the angel stuff.. the celestial realm's done a complete 360 in terms of its perception in the narrative and i'm really not a fan of it

simeon just. decides to keep being an angel. and it works??????

well it immediately turns him back to human apparently anyway

and the implication at the end is that he's just going to go back to being an angel, too, which... COME ON

i audibly went "oh ffs" at that part

i wasn't that mad at them just reversing the demon-simeon thing because i think the most interesting way to explore his character was to keep him human

then they kept going and i was like GUYS NO WAIT

the magical science is really frustrating because it's just close enough to real life science but a bit too hand-wavey about the magical mechanics to be interesting

beel gets done incredibly dirty in general - it felt like the majority his dialogue just continued to boil down to "i want food"

barbatos has basically nothing to do, which is crazy given the nature of nightbringer and his... you know... time powers

i really do not buy mc being totally fine after all of their exploits. surely there must be SOME physical repercussions even if they're so powerful?

the implication that the brothers are eventually going to figure out the time travel thing (and that diavolo already knows) interests me, but of course now we'll never know

the unwillingness to bring up any real conflict around mc's increasing power was really frustrating in general - couldn't the 'it does that to defend out of a manifestation of their kindness' thing have come after they genuinely struggled with it for a bit?

couldn't anyone have debated what they might have to do if mc became a danger to the devildom? because that angst could've been great

mc's magic in general isn't really handled well

the moon plot in lesson 60 felt like it was intended to be the big climax of s4, which was then hastily repurposed into the s3 finale when it was announced that the story wouldn't continue past there - it felt similar in vibe to the three-world-imbalance plotline of om s2, something that really needed a lot more time for both the build-up and fall-out

for a hot second i was convinced this was gonna be an atla 'my lover turned into the moon :/' thing but of course not

the premise of the moon plot was really good though! i can imagine a better planned season, with writers who actually had time, that could have done it really well!

the idea of 'the moon is in love with mc too' was a really funny plot point (/positive), kind of loved it

i genuinely didn't realise that the moon plot had been resolved until diavolo started making his science fair speech. i thought it had failed because mc and [demon brother] got blown up or something, and they'd have to try again

so for a good while i was just going "guys?? guys the moon? it's still coming? the big moon? it's gonna kill everyone ??"

i got excited by the chapter name 'the sleeping demon' because i thought the king was going to get involved, but it's just whichever brother you picked passing the fuck out after the moon explodes

there's a lot more routes in lesson 60 - almost certainly because they had to get in an obligatory end-of-season kiss with all the romanceables and couldn't fit them all

the generic references to 'he' and the lack of any dialogue from the other brothers during 'the sleeping demon' made it feel really stilted and awkward - i suppose they didn't have enough time to really tailor the dialogue to each brother, which is fair enough, but also the plot point of the brother passing out didn't feel necessary in the first place

if they needed a branching point to pick a brother for their obligatory kiss, they could've just had mc get moon blasted and then they can choose which brother is there when they wake up

they'd need a different plot point for the others after that, but it gets rid of the awkward references to a nameless 'he'

the thing that puzzles me is that seasons usually wrap up their big plots by the end anyway, but the pacing of the end of s3 feels like they were expecting to end at, like, lesson 70 instead - my best guess is that a pre-existing lesson 60 had to be modified to feel suitably end-game (brings me back to the idea that the moon plot was meant for a future season)

also i don't purport to know what's going on behind the scenes but at times it felt like they could have spent maybe ten more minutes adding a little more dialogue (the bonus story in lesson 60 comes to mind)

all in all... it's a weird place to end the story on. i probably still need to gather my actual feelings regarding that but right now i'm just kinda like "okay. huh. well nice knowing you guys i guess"

[xxplastic-cubexx]

Hi!! Your Cherik is so good and gorgeous 🤩🤩 If you don't mind wanna try to draw some Fall of X Cherik please?

thank you so much !!

i have a couple of ideas relating to the fall of x period specifically since theres. A Lot i wanna play with, so i hope this lil thing may be a satisfactory start :]]

and the obligatory bonus:

[snikt111]

hi hi hi hi I found out about Hal Jordan TODAY and am going so autistic over him it’s insane can you please give me a rundown on what his deal is I think you’re the Tumblr Green Lantern guy

omg hi, insane compliment btw, tysm! i'm glad to give you a rundown!! also definitely check out @katmaatui for more hal info, red is SUPER knowledgable abt him. @rillette, @catboyollie, @halcarols, @starsapphire and @yellowcorps (along with so many others that i cant think to tag off the top of my head) have some great hal takes too! (edited the post just to tag more ppl)

apologies if this is a bit rushed/messy, i'm doing this while i smelt stone in minecraft LMAO

that being said... i think this will be a long one, so more below the cut :3

(cw for light mentions of pedophilia, abuse, canon typical violence)

okay, so hal jordan is the first human green lantern of the GREEN LANTERN CORPS. it's important to note that there was technically a human green lantern before him (alan scott, originally from earth two/the justice society, but integrated into main DC canon after crisis), but his power comes from a different source- which is a whole different ballpark that would take ages to explain, lol, so i'll move on from that.

hal was originally introduced in a showcase issue in 1959, but ended up getting a solo run in the mid 60s because of his showcase issues doing well. he's been a test pilot, middle brother, compassionate, rule follower (although being surprisingly liberal for the time) with an interesting relationship with star sapphire carol ferris since those first appearances. for the first 20 odd years of his appearances we had no information on his parents, but we got a lot from other family members, such as uncle titus, cousin hal jr (aka airwave), younger brother jim jordan and older brother jack jordan. through the 60s and 70s those members of his family were developed along with him; with the audience learning that jim's wife sue thought jim was green lantern, rather than hal, and hal himself training his cousin, hal jr.

the most known version of how hal got the ring in the first place is probably based off of geoff john's rewrite in the mid 00s, reiterating the original story of abin sur crashing onto earth and dying, leaving hal with his ring to be trained by sinestro and the rest of the glc, while also changing miniscule details that had been developed in emerald dawn 1 & 2 (which was released in the 90s, more on that later). the main premise of abin sur's crash has stayed the same, but the story around hal's current life, job, family and stability keep changing. for instance, the original comic with abin sur in showcase only showed hal getting the ring, the guardians choosing him. the first rewrite i can think of was emerald dawn volume 1, published in 1989 and continued in emerald dawn v2 (1991). here we get the classic hal watches his father die in a plane crash with carol ferris beside him as a pre adolescent, and some of the biggest implications of the mistreatment from his father. we also get introduced to hal, despite his stick to the rules, straight edge attitude, making some serious mistakes and putting people in danger and even death- with the implication of alcohol abuse. the audience HAS known hal used to be in the air force since sometime in the late 60s or early 70s (sorry, i don't remember the exact issue!), but emerald dawn shows us that hal's moved on from the air force and into test piloting, and that his mother keeps having to bail him out for making mistakes. emerald dawn vol 1 shows the abin sur moment, followed by fights that cost hal's friends life, and is followed up by sinestro training hal in emerald dawn vol 2, where we get to see the iconic scenes of hal finding out about sinestro and his... dictatorship.

along with that; how the guardians and rings are treated and hal and the glc's perception of them is vastly changed over time. in the early days of gl in the 60s, the guardians were really never to be seen. hal was repeatedly summoned to them and then had his memory almost fully wiped- only leaving a vague notion of his orders. the guardian's called hal to them at seemingly the worst times, ending up with him almost getting injured, getting in trouble at work, and even ending up jobless and homeless. the chaos of being a green lantern has been around the WHOLE time, but originally, the green lanterns didnt really... fight it. the guardian's were their masters (and even father figures, to hal) and not to be questioned. the rings in the 60s were also much more powerful, despite the yellow weakness (the yellow weakness is the notion that from about the 60s to the mid 90s the green lantern rings were completely unable to be used against anything yellow). time travel, phasing, teleporting, etc were all very viable and common things- as well as forceful shapeshifting, invisibility, mind control, mind reading, etc etc. these days, writers have dampened these powers down to mostly shooting light and constructs.

okay, it's parallax time. the emerald twilight arc from the mid 90s wasn't an arc that was as thoroughly planned out over a long period of time as it probably should have been. a lot of fans at the time (and even now) hated what happened there, and claimed it ruined hal's character entirely. i can understand why! but, at it's core, the parallax arc is a story about a broken man pushed to the limit, fully grieving his home and family (originally, he lost his brother jim in the destruction of coast city, along with a lot of other family members) and being goddamn fed up with how his "masters" treated him and the rest of the corps. the so called "perfect lantern" (no, he wasn't that much of a rebel, despite what johns wants you to think) snapped and essentially tried to gain as much power as he could to bring back coast city. when the guardians stripped him of his powers so he couldn't, hal became enraged and took down every lantern in his path, just to get to the guardians and that power. long story short, he kills the guardians and absorbs all the energy from the central power battery on oa, becoming parallax- essentially a god. this marks the start of zero hour, an event made by dc to restructure and reset; giving the comics a new generation of heroes. hal destroys the world and remakes it, but is ultimately taken down by kyle rayner, the new green lantern, with the help of the jla, jsa and associates. there are a few more run ins with parallax after this, before kyle convinces parallax/hal that he can make up for all of this by reigniting the sun after it went out- aka killing himself. hal does it, is stuck in limbo for awhile and then becomes the spectre to continue to make up for the horrible things he did as parallax. the spectre is the spirit of god's wrath and vengeance, a weapon used to drag sinners to their very own, self made hells, and scare the shit out of people. the spectre, from it's very first appearance, is a ghost like spirit that takes on a host, and is primarily described using christian terms and is used in a very... christian ideology. HOWEVER, the spectre 2001 confirms that hal is jewish (jewish mom, catholic dad) and that belief system, plus his personality as a whole, literally makes him change the spirit of vengeance into the spirit of redemption, for at least as long as they are bonded. the whole parallax to spectre arc is about grief, pain, cycles of abuse and terror, redemption and guilt. it is NOT about a fear bug that possess hal. (im so serious though, the spectre 2001 is one of the best comics ive ever read. amazing. changed my world view) but... geoff johns changed all of it, decanonized the spectre, and ruined the legacy of parallax and hal's growth as a person by releasing green lantern: rebirth in 2004/2005. this retcons hal's breakdown and journey through grief into him BEING POSSESSED BY AN ENTITY CONTROLLED BY SINESTRO THAT FULLY CHANGES PREVIOUS GREEN LANTERN CANON AND IMPLICATIONS. also, fucks up the importance of kyle becoming ion, but whatever. geoff johns writes hal (and even more so, carol) so very wrong, and change their stories so vastly in ways that go against the stories very meanings.

SIGH.

now... time to get started on some rougher stuff. hal jordan misconceptions. i'm saving that arc for last.

- hal jordan wasn't much of a rule breaker or rebel until the 70s/80s, where he BEGAN (very slowly, mind you) to be radicalized by oliver queen during denny o'neil's green lantern/green arrow. hal was painted as more of a conservative during this period (which, admittedly, kind of goes against previous canon... he's always been relatively central to liberal, not to any extremes like ollie though, lol) but gets more and more understanding of how power structures work and how lower classes are mistreated during this time- which ends up opening his eyes a bit to how shitty the guardians are. (this is helped by the guardians literally just. leaving. the green lanterns and kind of disbanding them so they can go fuck the zamarons, lmao). geoff johns tried to change this narrative into making hal a very... maverick-from-top-gun type of character, who punched his way out of the military (when, in reality, the original story during emerald knights in the late 90s was that hal had been framed for stealing a jet and was dishonorably discharged, which he took the punishment for because he knew someone had to) and hits on women constantly and gets ladies and allat (which, funnily enough hal was awful at getting carol to like him for a long time, since carol fell for green lantern rather than hal. not to mention the awkwardness of carol's proposals or hal's many, many failed relationships). hal has always been insecure and lowkey boyfailure, he is NOT a top gun maverick tom cruise sorta guy! fuck you jeremy adams!

- hes not that much of an idiot asshole. hal can be a real dick, he's had that going for him since the beginning, but he isn't what you read in batfam fics. he's not stupid and shouldn't be the laughingstock of the justice league. i assume this idea started from the obsession with batfam and the fact that the jla has quite the history of ignoring hal and his issues (as well as. all of their issues. theyre not so great at work life balance), but it's gone too far. hal isn't making fun of the robins and pissing bruce off bc of that. hal isnt fooling around on the job 24/7 (he takes being a gl and pilot VERY seriously, although he does enjoy some danger and high stakes) or slacking off to get girls. again. not top gun maverick.

- hal has not been a creep since the beginnings. hal was not weird with carol in the 60s. things were weird between them, yeah, but that's based off circumstance and the craziness of star sapphire and green lantern. he was NOT being horribly sleazy! i hate that i even need to say this, but i see this take too much not to

- going off of what was said above, lets discuss the arisia arc. if you want to be a real hal fan, this is unfortunately something you need to know about. in action comics, after crisis and the guardians left to go fuck the zamarons, most of the green lanterns fell apart and seperated. a small group went to earth- led by hal and consisting of hal, john stewart, katma tui, kilowog, salaakk, ch'p and arisia rrab. (also sometimes guy gardner, but that's complicated) previously to this arc, hal treated 14 year old arisia like a beloved little sister, welcoming her and leading her into the corps just like everyone else. things started to change once the timeline gets closer and closer to crisis, where arisia starts showing that she has a crush on hal (who is roughly 30s at this point). any advances made by arisia are shut down by hal at the beginning, because she's a child. now, it's unfortunately a common thing to just call hal a "pedophile" because of what happens in this arc- but it really isn't that simple. still weird and icky, but definitely not to the degree of which some fans like to act like it is- esp to attack hal fans for, which is... an odd choice regarding how many fucked up things every character (esp male characters) did back in the day. arisia ends up using her power ring to artifically age herself up, making her body AND MIND into that of a young adult (the comic makes this very clear). once this happens... hal stops rejecting her. they get together, they kiss. the only person in the group of green latnerns who actually has an issue with it is john (salaakk is meh about it, but he just doesn't like human-esque romance no matter what), and katma even directly encourages their relationship. kilowog ends up crushing on arisia as well, and guy gardner hits on her repeatedly throughout the whole period. eventually, hal and arisia break up, but this legacy (thank so much englehart, for wrtiting this. /sarc) is a big controversy among the comics crowd. "is hal jordan a predator?" personally, and i know a lot of friends/mutuals/other gl fans choose to erase the arisia arc entirely (versus how canon ended up retconning it to be 14 earth years is equal to that of an adult and she didn't really get super ages up, or whatever) and go with the familial relationship between hal and her. that's my preferred version! i know red (@katmaatui) has explored that version as well as an alternate version where the arisia arc did happen, and how it affects arisia in particular, which is really depressing but super interesting. anyway, it's complicated and weird and nuanced, but that whole occurence doesn't mean hal's a bad character or person (cause yk. retcons) and it's certainly not bad to like his character. (definitely ignore any guy gardner fans who try to bitch about this arc. cough cough. guy was ALSO into her and hit on her repeatedly. smfh) most people who bring this up to demonize fans didn't even read the arc, and don't know the nuance or the other weird shit that happens in it. (hal is not a horse, sigh)

OVERALL NOTES!

hal jordan is a super complicated character with an extensive history spanning from the 60s to his worse written appearances in modern age. it's okay to like any version of the character, but it is important to note the changes that have been made, the storylines butchered and lost, and more. he has quite the legacy, and he's particularly interesting as from a moral standpoint. hal's a real sweetie though, when it gets down to it! he's neurodivergent coded (imo at least.. his dad very much gets onto him for being disrtracted, hes kinda shit at social interaction (and then amazing at it the other half of the time) etc etc. "spacecase") and his dad is an abusive asshole, who he desperately doesnt want to be like but thinks he NEEDS to be like!

[artkaninchenbau]

An AWS comic

[soupmanspeaks]

Fnaf 3 (and probably 6 too) being set in 2023 is really funny because you'll have random things like "It's highly probable Michael watched Barbie" pop in your head from time to time and I think that's neat

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Hello! I was wondering if you’d be willing to take commissions someday 👀. No pressure tho! I just love your art so much

The short answer: "not at the moment, but it is very possible in the future'!

The slightly longer answer: I would have to figure out a good pricing and payment system! PD-MDZS is also where most of my free time goes, so until my life settles down a bit, I would be on the slow side to complete them.

[kyouka-supremacy]

(╥﹏╥)

[ratatatastic]

the rituals are intricate

florida panthers @ new york islanders | 10.26.24 (x)