#not really a death loop i think but they are constantly dying and somehow coming back again over and over

[abyssalgalaxy]

If I had a nickle for every time i made an aroace protag and put them in some kind of death loop id have 2 nickles, which isnt much but its weird that its happened twice

[braintapes]

The Hotel Podcast Season 3 Analysis: Part III - The Owner

Hey. It's been a while. I was going to open this with a cheeky joke, some kind of 'bet you thought I forgot about this thing haha!' type line. But I think I wanna just get straight into it..

When I write these analysis posts, whether it's for The Hotel or anything else, it's a personal thing. I write about the stories and art that I love in an attempt to understand and make meaning of them for me. And I share them largely because if I don't, those thoughts plus all the time and effort it took to organize them into words and sentences would be forgotten and left to rot fifteen minutes after exiting the word doc.

When I started this whole S3 series of posts, I wasn't expecting any response. I expected the people who followed me to glance at it, scroll past it, and life would carry on. It's easier that way, to write and share without watching eyes. Watching eyes means potential to fail, somehow. Potential to get it all horribly wrong in front of other people. That's the main reason why this took so long to come back to.

Other lesser reasons include inconveniences like my enter key breaking completely. That left the prospect of ANY long-form writing headache-inducing (though I've since adjusted to my workarounds). I kept forgetting and remembering this entire project. Etc etc, I won't drag this out.

I am finally, FINALLY ready to sit down to write this all out again. I love season 3 of The Hotel. It means a lot to me in a very personal way because it was the season that made the entire series click for me. So if I get everything wrong, or some things wrong, or fail or come up short, well. That's fine. I can fail other people, but I can't fail myself on this one.

In Part I of this series, we covered the Manager's arc stretching from 3.1 - 3.4. Part II covered the Lobby Boy from 3.5 to 3.7. Now the only Staff left is the Owner.

The Owner is a character I struggle to connect with, I have to be honest. I enjoy him greatly as a character and Graham's performance elevates and gives the Owner such a unique and entertaining presence. But as a person, the Owner reminds me of the people in my life I've been scared of, the kind of people I want to run away from very quickly. It can be hard for me to get past that bubble of anxiety that comes up briefly when I think of him.

Having mulled it over, though, I realized there are things I share with the Owner that I can relate to and understand about him. The perfectionism that stalled this project for 7 months is a voice that says, "It won't be up to standard, it needs to be better, it needs to be right." It plays constantly on loop. Why? If it's good enough it will matter, if it's perfect as can be it will carry significance. The significance, the voice insists, justifies the work's existence.

The Owner's plight through much of The Hotel is, similarly, to justify his own existence. It's a constant tension core to his character which expresses itself by largely by being projected onto everyone else (the way he hounds the lobby boy, attempts to nitpick the manager in s1). At the end of the day, though, all of that bluster is only to prop himself up and assure himself that he is, in fact, definitely doing something that matters, that his place is real and valid. That he's not insignificant.

In this season, the Owner is technically introduced in the very beginning, right alongside the Manager. His echoing yells can be heard as the Manager treks through the dark forest towards the mountain to the place where the Hotel will be. The Owner is already dying, though. He wasn't really there alongside her. We hear his shouts sporadically across the season, but we don't get much more of him until 3.8 A V O I D. Since I've been doing this analysis on an episode-by-episode basis, that's where I want to start.

We open, nearing the metaphorical mountaintop, with the Lobby Boy's death on the third floor. The Owner is thrilled. We get one of my favorite exchanges in the whole series as per the episode transcript:

LOBBY BOY (CONT'D): I panic. I'm scared! I'm so scared! Why did my Manager let this happen to me? Why is the Hotel doing this to me? What's that moving against the light??...What will it do to me?....What CAN it do to me? The worst it can do is kill me. Again. And Again. Forever. WHY CAN'T I DIE? (echo) [power that be noises] LOBBY BOY (CONT'D): No no no no no no no no no no please please no no please no no please please please no no no please Wet, ripping thuds and rending flesh tears. The Lobby Boy's music stops. WINGS FLAP. The Owner's music begins. THE OWNER: Thank you. Dispatching that creature has been long over due. [Angry powers that be noises]

Between the Lobby Boy's dialogue, the Hotel Herself coming in with the BEST comedic timing to give an answer in the form of very squelchy pulpy painful death, the Owner being a hater completely unprompted, and the Hotel Herself immediately turning and getting on the Owner for that it's all. Just... Excellent. Very funny sequence I love it dearly.

But...Wait, what was that?

Dispatching that creature has been long over due.

Hmm. Of course, he could just be referring only to the Lobby Boy's run around the guest floor with his whole burning and dying and burning and dying thing. He clarifies as much in his next lines as he backpedals in the face of the Hotel's implied scolding. Then we get this:

The Manager and I are more than capable of running The Hotel and checking in guests. Once we begin checking them in. Once we...I can't...have we been open long? I remember...distantly I remember so much but...Have we had any guests?

Season 3 is both the beginning and the end. Memory is murky here, liminal and prone to bleeding through yet quickly dissipates to haze. He has prior knowledge of both the Lobby and the Manager here, that's what he bases his judgments of them from – the same judgments he's made of them before (per his S1 episodes, for one example). Yet while there's certain things he knows he knows, the memories attached to that knowledge are muddled. Without them, he is new. A fresh baby bird hatchling The Owner. He isn't even aware that the Manager died a little while ago.

The Hotel gives him the recap on what's happened to the Manager and what's been going on, to the Owner's befuddlement. Her voice turns from the gurgling noises into words the audience can make sense of. I don't have anything to say about this from an in-universe perspective, I assume this is just to make the conversation more interesting to listen to and bring the Hotel Herself into the picture more fully?

In any case, the Owner is already very picky about how things should be. Even if he did remember everything, this would still be a highly unusual situation – no guests, just the Staff. Dying like the guests. This is so far beyond the Owner's (currently vague) understanding of routine that he struggles to get his bearings.

As she talks to him, it feels like the Hotel is playing with him like a toy. You could say that's what she's doing to everyone, Staff and guests and all, but in this specific conversation it feels especially like she's teasing him, prodding and poking lightly enough because she enjoys it. Good for her!

Do you remember how to die? The gibbering creature approaches. I'LL REMIND YOU. The front desk bell TOLLS and the Owner screams.

The vocal effects here make the Hotel sound intimidating and scary, imposing and powerful. And she is! But this feels playful to me.

And it feels natural, logical, in that strange logic of death the Hotel operates in. We've seen the point hammered home every episode so far: Everything in the Hotel dies. Including the Staff. Death is the inevitable. The anticipation of it, the attempt to defy it, marked the Manager's story. The fear of it and attempt to run away from it equally defined the Lobby Boy's story. Anticipation, knowing that the end is coming. Fear, of what that means, the need to avoid pain, avoid facing that awful certainty. Now, here at the Owner's arc, we arrive at understanding. Making sense of it all.

He starts confused, faced with deaths he cannot wrap his head around. It's...I hesitate to say personal, but it is much more personal than the way he conceptualizes the guest's deaths. The Manager's death shocks him. The Lobby Boy's hundred, thousand, billion deaths on the second floor baffle. Why did she die once, and him many times? Why did She kill the Manager? Are they not open for business? What does the Hotel intend, what does she want? What is the meaning of this? The purpose?

Questions abound. When anticipation and fear have been bashed and battered to bloody chunks, another way to deal with death is to try and understand it. It can be easier to cope and make peace with, I think, by trying to make it fit it into an overall grand scheme of existence. That is what the Owner's arc this season embodies, to me.

...But his domain is – and has always been – a void. Endless nothingness with the only sliver of somethingness being pointless paperwork and reservation cards. And anyway, we're on the third floor. We're near the top of the mountain. There's nowhere left to go but up, further into the darkness. There is only death ahead. And behind. And all around.

The Owner dies.

He's back in his office again for 3.9 Under Old Management.

This version of the Owner is absolutely one from S1. He envisions the third floor as a labyrinthine office full of office things like papers, filing cabinets, so on and so forth. He has the same mindset as he did then, his view of his role as like an actual job in an actual workplace setting, with standard workplace tedium and hierarchy. After being ended, he finds himself at the beginning again – his beginning within the Hotel.

Before I can get into the meat of the episode, I have something of a side tangent I want to discuss starting with this line:

Something flickers. In the dark of my mind, somewhere in the back, a thought. A memory. I hold my breath and close my eyes, trying not to scare it away. Yes. Yes I remember. I exhale loudly, blowing the thought away.

The memory begins to seep into him slowly, like a viscous liquid. The memory belongs to the self, the Owner of the previous episode. Upon the interruption/entrance of the Gibbering Creature, though, he slips back into the self of S1 Owner, shouting:

You can't...IF THAT'S YOU, LOBBY BOY, YOU HAD BETTER GET BACK TO YOUR POST!

I want to use this to get into something that's been cooking in my brain for a long time now, my theory/conceptualization of Self within The Hotel. My personal framework for understanding what the heck is going on with these characters and why their identities and memory can be so strange and ephemeral.

My fundamental premise is this: The Lobby Boy, the Manager, and the Owner are archetypes. Ideals, concepts. They are prescriptive roles which define the core of their identity, but each individual Manager or Lobby Boy that we see episode-to-episode is a distinct instance of that role. The Manager of one episode is not the same Manager of the next episode. They do not exist in the same space or time as one another nor are they acutely aware of each other. But they both do exist. Have existed. Are existing. Time and space are all kinds of warbly in The Hotel, that's just Her nature. It's how the Hotel is and experiences, and so that extends to the Staff [putting a pin in this sentence also. I will get into Self as related to The Hotel Herself specifically in the next post].

Due to the ever-constant, ever-changing paradoxical nature of time within the Hotel, distinct instances of Self can cross – memories and knowledge can leak into each other. Some Managers remember more than others due to this. There are infinitely many instances of the Staff which brush past each other and leak memory, self, knowledge etc. into themselves. I also think that the more time goes on, the more those selves accumulate and feed each other, the more a stable self-identity forms. Habits, preferences, feelings and so on occur frequently enough that that informs the next instance of the Manager.

This is what I think happened going from seasons 4 → 5. That's where we start to see more work done with linear plotlines and character development for everybody, so I use my framework to make in-universe sense of an out-of-universe writing direction.

Consider layers of time, space, and self happening here. A circle with a line through it, maybe. Everything is cyclical within the Hotel, but within that cycle is a linearity, a progression. The cycle isn't just the end and the beginning, it's the ingredients in-between the bread. What happens in the linearity feeds back into the circle, which feeds back into the line, and so on. When weird self and memory stuff happens in the series, this is how I make sense of it. It is fully self-contradictory and fleeting and weird and that's how it Is.

Idk. Personally I experience time in a really weird and very unreal-feeling way that's a lot like what I just described above, so I could just be projecting onto this. I'm considering making an entirely separate post just trying to explain this in a way that doesn't make me feel like I'm saying nonsense. So let me get back to my post, then.

This episode is so god damn JUICY. We've got a lot going on with the light/fire/darkness stuff, we've got the Owner being the most Owner he could possibly be and getting MAULED for it, the Owner - Lobby Boy parallels, we've got a Manager cameo, I love everything happening with the Hotel Herself specifically, this one really is just a home run all the way around.

As soon as the Owner lays eyes on the Gibbering Creature, he tries to book it.

Gibbering. Heavy foot falls and gibbering. You had better...get back... Gibbering echoes off of nothing. No no no no NO. WINGS FLAP and FLAP to no effect. NO! The gibbering and stomping continues to chase him. I have to run. Something is coming for me. I only know how to fear one thing, and this isn't her. But still I run.

For all his disdain and looking down upon the Lobby Boy, the Owner sure does seem to share that same 'run away' instinct, huh?

I run because the dim flickering candle in the back of my mind is getting brighter. More candles join in. Each flame a memory. Like a candle, you can regard it only for so long before the bright light burns the memory of the fire into your eyes, and I don't want this burned into my eyes. I can see her laying dead on the lobby floor. I can see the blood framing her open eyes. I can see the shape of her skull, and I remember.

Back to the light and fire imagery! Here, the fire is explicitly said to represent memories. In this case, the memory of the Owner's self that witnessing her dead in the lobby...We assume that he's referring to the Manager here, and I do think that he is. But @zombified-queer makes a good case in this post (With included follow-up insights from Veronica yay ! ) that he's also referring to Madam Hotel in season 4, specifically when the Owner kills her as Judy Blashy. Excellent post, I've since incorporated that into my own interpretation.

I personally choose to believe he's referring to both of them here. He doesn't want those memories of either the Manager or the Hotel-as-Judy horrifically dead. He wants to retreat literally, physically, but also into a self unburdened by that memory, hence why he starts out as S1 Owner here. He runs and the office setting slips away into the void.

The Owner then says:

I let one of the candles in my mind blow out. Like a birthday wish that will never come true.

What I think is happening here is that he's sacrificing one of his old memories, letting go of it to focus in on the ones he wants, needs desperately to remember in order to avoid the traumatic one. He allows the office setting, his old role, all of that to fade away to irrelevancy. He hones in on the memory of her (clearly intended to be the Manager but again the case could be made for Madam Hotel/HH/they're all interconnected with each other!!!) as he knows her because her death is too much for him to handle. It terrifies him deeply.

Whether this is the start or end point, this shakes up what the Owner knows. They shouldn't die or be dead! They're the Hotel Staff! They carry out the Hotel's will, they aren't like the guests, this is all wrong! Seeing the Manager, dead, killed by the Gibbering Creature (the Hotel Herself by proxy) for perhaps the first or last time means something has gone terribly, horribly, awfully wrong.

He begs and pleads this to the Hotel Herself as she plays with him even more. The Owner just doesn't get it yet, he doesn't understand. He thinks himself and the Staff above anything else in the Hotel, just as the Manager did. He flails and protests, insists:

Who will kill them?! If not us?!

To which he's answered by

Distant gibbering. I make so many pretty things. Listen to them gibber.

I just love this. I love her energy here. She doesn't need him strictly. The things the Staff do could be done by any number of killers created from her will. I truly feel this conversation is for her. She'd said to him earlier that he might only be doing and thinking what she wants him to do and think and I believe that's largely true in this case.

The Owner is exactly the way she wants him right now. He flails, begs, pleads, struggles. He understands nothing yet and that makes him fun to toy with. Meanwhile, the Manager taunts the Owner. I want to include this whole sequence because I love it so so much, please appreciate it with me:

THE HOTEL: TIIIIME to blow out another candle. THE MANAGER (distantly): I didn't run. THE HOTEL: Time to make a wish. THE OWNER: And you died. THE HOTEL: It's almost my birthday. (it's almost my birthday) THE MANAGER (DISTANT): So did you. THE OWNER: Not yet! I'm not some simple Lobby Boy or Manager! I own this, all of this belongs to ME! YOU ARE BENEATH ME, YOU ARE WEAK, YOU DIED BECAUSE YOU LACK THE WILL TO LIVE. TO RUN! I AM- The gibbering creature stomps over howls as it bludgeons the Owner. The Hotel theme plays over credits as the Owner continues to get torn apart by the howling creature. The Hotel blows out a candle.

The Owner so badly doesn't want to die, it's kind of adorable looking back on this. Essentially cornered, taunted, with no other options, he turns to the most familiar tool in his arsenal: shouting loudly about how above everyone he is. I've tried to think of something insightful to say about this but I honestly think this all speaks for itself.

This is where I want to wrap up this post. It's a little abrupt, I know we've still got 3.10, but I'd like to cover that next time as I segue into talking about The Hotel Herself. (And I need to stop and eat some dinner!)

I will see ya'll next time, and I PROMISE you that won't be anywhere near as long of a wait as this one was. I'm excited to finish this out. :-)

[shotofire]

Adjusting

Jean Kirstein x F!Reader

I got a few Jean requests which i��m super happy about :)) so I decided to sorta combine them, enjoy! (I had SO much fun writing this)

Overview: How you and Jeans lives are going in Marley

Warnings: Cursing, slight nsfw, anxiety

Season: 4

-

Things are different, to say the least. Marley seems more like ‘Paradise Island’ than your home did. There’s no constant fear of death here, no scraping for food, it seems like everything your people wanted and deserved. Yet you were still considered a devil, whatever the hell that’s supposed to mean. It’s nice here but you still can’t help but envy it, and long to wipe the smile off these heartless people’s faces.

The time you’ve been here has completely lost tract, you can’t even recall the first day. Jean has been by your side since the beginning, helping you remain calm. There are many moments where you want to yell or call out someone disrespecting your home, but you’ve had to hold back. It really pissed you off more than anything else you’ve ever dealt with.

“Don’t let their ignorance get to you, doll,” he’d said as tears built in your orbs. It was earlier on since you two had gotten there, and you had to hear the harsh words for the first time. The person wasn’t even talking to you, but the terms were technically still about you and everyone you cared for. “How can so many be so oblivious?” His lips traced your neck from behind, leaving soft kisses that had your body melting. “Remember you’re better than them.”

You long to go back home, but you know your time here has not yet received a due date. There’s no telling how prolonged this mission will be. The little town home you and Jean are staying at is pure filth, you wish Levi could be here to make it spotless. Thankfully most of your days together were spent moving around Marley gathering as much information as possible. You’d seen Reiner a few times, which scared the shit out of you.

Today was a somewhat normal day, and it’s beautiful outside. Your fingers are looped with Jeans as he buys a news paper. Not much has happened so far but it is still earlier on in the day. You enjoyed days like this, they were more calm and enjoyable. At this point you weren’t sure what else you and Jean could possible find out, the rest was basically left to Eren. The only thing you loathed about being here is your daily attire.

You constantly have to wear a skirt or a dress, which is totally not comfortable in this heat. “I’m hungry,” you mumble as you two walk away from the news paper stand. Jean’s hand gives yours a squeeze, “We will eat in a bit, okay?” You couldn’t help but let out a groan, you were starving from all the walking.

Jean doesn’t know who’s genius idea it was to send you two together. Sure you’d basically been a thing since you were teens but you still annoy each other like an old married couple. Then again he wouldn’t want to be here with anyone else, he just wishes you could be a little less whiny. “Doll, we’re going to get food. I just need to give a letter to Eren first, he has someone who can send them back home without it being checked.”

Your arms wrap around his waist and you lean into his side as your walk continues. “I just want to lay in bed all day, is that too much to ask for?” He chuckes while observing the cute pout on your face. “Sadly it is too much to ask for.” His arm comes to swing around your shoulders down to your middle, and he pats your hip with the newspaper. Anyone watching your current state would think you’re brand new lovers in the honeymoon stage, but this has been going on for years.

“I heard there’s a festival in a couple days, are we going?” He’d already heard about it and knew you’d be dying to go. But the thought of going was so overwhelming for him, he wasn’t even sure if he could handle it. That many people, so many unfamiliar faces, there’s no telling what could happen. “We’ll talk about it.” That always means no, and you can’t help but let out a groan.

The day goes on and you finally get food, which was better than anything you’ve ever had. Jean didn’t dig in like you however, he seems to have a lot on his mind. “Whats up with you?” You ask through a mouthful of rice, any other day he’d scold you for your bad manners but he wasn’t in the mood. Together you sat at a table for two at a eatery that is rather empty, only a few workers and even less customers. “Do you ever think someone else should be doing my job?”

You should’ve known he would be doubting himself by now. Your love always fails to see his potential and strength, and it breaks your heart. He eyes are fixed on the bowl in front of him, his appetite quickly vanishing. The man felt sick and disappointed in himself. So far he hadn’t found out or accomplished as much as he had hoped for, and is afraid that he’s letting his friends down. Afraid he’s letting you down.

“That’s a stupid question,” you scold him with a scrunched face, “of course not! You were sent here for a reason, we all believe in you. Hell, they believe in me!” Jean doesn’t say anything, only lets out a soft laugh at your words. “What are you thinking about?” You reach across the table to grab his fidgeting hands, “tell me, please.”

Brown eyes finally land on you. He finds comfort in your touch and soft voice. “Uh, I’ve just been doubting myself lately. I feel like there’s never much to write back about, like everything is just a repeat from the letters before. There’s just something telling me that I can do more, but I just haven’t figured it out yet.” In all honesty, you felt the same about yourself. This move was all so hectic and a lot to take in, and sometimes it felt like you could be doing more.

“I understand, you know I do. This was a lot for the both of us and you can always talk to me. Personally, and you know I don’t lie to you, I think you’re doing a damn good job. Our circumstances are shit and you’re doing better than expected under all the pressure, give yourself more credit!” Your hands are waving in the air wildly as you rant with pure love.

Jean’s teeth are sunk into his bottom lip trying to suppress his smile. Somehow you always know what to say, and he admires that so much about you. “I love you so much.” A blush creeps onto your cheeks and you show a big smile, “I love you more, idiot.” He gets up from his seat across from you, quick to find his way to your side. Strong arms swoop to pick up your frame, as if his new bride, and you let out fits of giggles.

“What are you doing?” You ask with bright eyes. The small amount of people inside are watching the scene with crazy looks on their faces, but neither of you give a shit. He carries you out of the place as you continue to laugh, and reach up to ruffle his locks a few times. The man manages to carry you all the way home, setting you on your feet infront of the door way. “You should do that more often, be my personal carriage.” “Wouldn’t you just love that?” Sarcasm laced in his voice.

He opens the door with a key, that never works the first time, before kicking the door open and grabbing onto you once again. Your body is thrown over his shoulder as he enters your temporary home, then closing the door behind him. “Put me down, you dummy!” He does as you ask, dropping you onto your shared mattress. The light of the moon shines through the window onto your smiling face, and Jean thinks it’s the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen. An even better sight than the ocean.

“You’re gorgeous, you know that right?” His compliment sends butterflies to your stomach. Before you can answer his lips are connecting to yours in a loving kiss. Hands grip your hips, pulling you closer to his frame. You two stay like that for a moment, kissing and grabbing at one another like hungry hormonal teens who’ve never had physical touch.

Once his lips move to your neck your eyes open, and a small whimper slips from you at the feeling of his soft mouth. “Did my words cheer you up that much?” You ask with a smirk, and you’re answered with a bite to your nape causing you to yelp. His hands have moved under your long skirt now, palming at your thighs. This man will forever know how to make you feel good, it’s as if he has a magic touch. Scratch that, he does have a magic touch.

“Isn’t Eren-“ You cut yourself off with a moan as he sucks at your collar bone, “Isn’t Eren supposed to be coming by?” Jean smiles against your skin, and he feels a shiver run through your body. “I guess we’ll just have to get started now, huh?”

-

A knock echos through the small home and you two scramble for your clothes. “Hold on!” You yell, and then accidentally fall over as you step into your skirt. Jean let’s out a snort at the scene, and you narrow your eyes at him, “I’m having trouble walking right now thanks to someone.” He smirks while buttoning up his shirt, “You weren’t complaining while I was doing it. I recall hearing a, ‘More Jean, please more!’” He mocks your words, in a high pitched voice, from the earlier events and you blush, but try to hide it with an annoyed look.

“Shut your trap and open the door.” He laughs and buttons the last of his shirt before opening the door. There stood Eren with a very knowing look on his face. The long haired man observes you two, and it’s very telling. Each of your manes are sticking in every direction, not to mention the room has that smell to it. “You knew I’d be here and you still couldn’t keep your hands off of each other?”

Jean’s face goes blank and so does yours, but it’s short lived before you’re letting out strings of laughter. He can’t help but smile as well, but his gaze is set on the floor to keep from further annoying Eren. “Oh cmon Eren, it’s a little funny.” He completely doesn’t agree with you, but you continue to giggle.

This has been a very long mission for Eren with the two of you. Atleast you both didn’t give a shit.

[mimiri22-6]

I really need to get back into watching the streams I miss (which is all of them) because

I JUST WATCHED FUNDY'S MIND STREAM AND I AM FREAKING THE FUCK OUT!

SO MUCH! JUST SO MANY THOUGHTS!!!

IS THAT BLACK FIGURE WHAT A DREAMON LOOKS LIKE? IT WAS BAD'S SKIN, BUT IN ALL BLACK! IS THE EGG THE FORM OF A FUCKING DREAMON?!

I was just thinking about all the strings connecting all the plotlines on the SMP and they all come back to the Dreamon, The Egg, and memory stuff. and now more recently Dream XD. With the whole dreams having consequences-OH MY FUCK I JUST REMEMBERED TOMMY SLEEPWALKING INTO THE OCEAN WHILE IN EXILE! THERE'S SOMETHING THERE I TELL YOU *insert red yarn insane person here*-in the real world thing, That's Dream XD's THING rn with George(once again, this is the only stream with lore that I've watched in full in-god A Fucking While, I don't even know how long, so all my info is second hand). I was Just thinking about all of this and how it all connects at lunch earlier so everything I've been internally freaking about is kind of fresh in my mind.

I could go one for days and days and paragraphs and paragraphs of the hints connecting things back together.

the black figure looks like bad

the Inbetween looks like all the colors have been sucked from it, like what the egg does to red, making the Inbetween formally red tinted

Dreamon? Black(If that was a dreamon). Everything the egg touches? Sucks the red away and inverts color pallets...tho I think that hasn't been a thing for a while now and it just sucks away red and/or makes something on the infected red

Dream and Dream XD are somehow the same entity????? From what I've heard(guys, I've never even watched more than like 2 of Gogy's videos. Help) BUT I'M NOT GOING TO PAY ATTENTION TO THAT RN!

Dream XD is a god of dreams or some shit seeing as he can give George items in his dream curse thingy fuck shit going on (AAAAAAAAA I CAN'T REMEMBER THE LAST DAMN LORE STREAM I WAS A PART OF)

Fundy Apparently can predict the future because of his dreams, which I Do Not like the implications of the ending of the Mind stream with this information

Ranboo has been sleepwalking for fuck knows how long

TOMMY was Trying to sleepwalk to his death, I do not like to think about Tommy dreaming of dying constantly. I Could Not watch exile streams I felt like throwing up from uncomfyness, IN HIS DREAMS. Our boy was having Nightmares, or daydreams because of his mental state back then, about Drowning Himself, AND THEN HE WAS WAKING UP DROWNING! COWINCIDENCE?! I THINK NOT!

Let's take note of the people I have at least one shred of evidance that may be possessed by A dreamon Or the Same dreamon that can just possess more than one person(....ooh I could So see how that would work)

Dream. This is a main one, he's the first instance we have of dreamon possession. It just makes sense and there are still people that believe the ritual didn't work before and the dreamon either just stayed or that the ritual killed Dream and Not the evil dreamon and that's why dream has been so off. BUT ALSO Dream's Fucked up motivations and acts can beg to differ on that part

Bad. Another obvious one. Now you might say that he's already slightly possessed by The Egg, BUT who's to say the egg isn't a form of a dreamon. When Fundy cam back after "4 years" he was inroduced to the egg and he was Freaking The Fuck Out and calling it a dreamon and being Extremely worried about touching it. I don't see many people bringing this back to the table. FUNDY CALLED THE EGG A DREAMON. Bad AND ANT, PUNZ, AND PONK(is Hannah still influenced by the egg??? I'm so far from the loop it's not even funny) are at least influenced by it. Now I would also say Maybe Sam is possessed too, BUT he is shown to still be against the egg even though the Ponk situation was a personal issue(as far as I know. Dear fucking god I am Fucked all behind...)

(I keep switching between the egg is a dreamon and the egg and the dreamon are opposites. I Can Not keep my thoughts straight(In more ways then one, haha, *wink wonk*))

3. Eret, Puffy, and Ranboo. All for the same reason. From what I've heard, Eret now has memory issues as well(THAT'S RIGHT! The last lore stream I watched, not live, was Puffy's stream where she found her ship!). If there's one person with memory issues on the SMP? Ok that seems reasonable. A Second person has memory problems on this SMP? Weird that it happened twice but ok. A THIRD person has amnesia?!?!! Ok! What The Fuck Is Officially HAPPENING?! Ranboo goes into dissociative states and commits war crimes, who's to say Puffy and Eret won't start doing that/have already been doing that? Ranboo has some kind of connection to Dream. Puffy got attached to Dream. Eret took the crown because Dream offered it(it's such a weird feeling know now that "It was never meant to be" was an apology).

4. OH HELL I FORGOT ABOUT THE GHOSTS! WHAT ARE THEY?! They SAY, well Ghostbur at least, that they're Not their alive selves and their actions back that up. They are not the souls of those that they take form of and they don't have all their memories, seeing how Glatt avoids topics it's safe to assume he is missing at least Some memories, BUT also they act and function differently to one another. Glatt can fly, Ghostbur can not. Glatt claims to be Jschlatt, Ghostbur does not claim to be Wilbur. Just A Lot does not add up. Once again I have not been watching vods nor streams so everyone saying Ghostbur is acting weird, just sound like the people that kept saying Ghostbur remembers more than he let on to me. Idk, I don't think Ghostbur nor Glatt are nefarious in any way, but hey, with this SMP expect the worst.

5. .............I could have sworn I had more to say/write, but it's late now and I've been writing this for....over 3 hours now sooooo Imma stop because I'm all out of theory/info dump juices. I might come back to this post to list off more potential dreamons idk

......now I'm going to watch more dimention 20 because idk I want to.

Edit:

OH MY FUCK HOW COULD I FORGET

6. FUNDY. Ok so this one is more recent and 100% because of the mind stream. Fundy is dreaming in the stream, it starts off in a Dream XD type situation, I presume, BUT with the introduction of the dark figure we can assume that going to far into your dreams/subconscious summons a dreamon to try and possess you if you don't "sleep", aka wake up, fast enough. Meaning that Fundy, as a dreamon hunter, would know this and while dreaming you forget some things. You're dumber in your dreams it's just fact, not all of you is there. SO the books were his conscious trying to get him to stop because he knew he would be weak to possession by continuing to go down the rabbit hole. Fundy may be possessed by a dreamon now, depending on if he was successful in waking up.

Meaning now, we could only have two dreamon hunters left, Tubbo and Sapnap(as far as I know I keep planning on watching the second dreamon stream, but just haven't gotten around to it...again). Once again, I'm pretty sure I had someone else in mind for possession, but I panicked and wrote this as fast as I could. Meaning I have no other thoughts rn, head empty.

[cloudywriter]

i never got to say i love you - 1

~~~

A/N: heyy, so i wrote this like a month ago when i was super into reading some modern university au acotar fanfiction & then i even planned out a whole storyline but then i just kinda sat on it. but i like it so i decided i would just put it out there, i can continue it if people actually like it too.

masterlist & AO3

~~~

Feyre walked along the sidewalk leading to one of the dorm buildings of her new school, Velaris University. 

Although she was focused on lugging her single suitcase behind her as one of the wheels was broken, she couldn’t help but admire the tall impressive structures that surrounded her. She could hear the trickle of the Sidra river to her right while observing the courtyard adjoining multiple dorm buildings to her left. The courtyard was large and pristine, made of stone, with an abstract silver metal statue which stood erect in the middle loosely resembling an infinity sign. The housing units were situated around it in a semicircle.

A path winded down from the courtyard and back towards the main section of campus, organized there were the various department buildings, the cafeteria, admissions, and so on. Feyre was making her way up said path after she retrieved her student key card from the main office. 

She had just transferred from Courts Community College after she finally saved up enough money to afford tuition to VU. 

In her senior year of high school, Feyre visited the small city in which Velaris was located, Prythian, with her school on a field trip. It was on that small excursion she fell in love with the Prythian and the university it had to offer. In particular, Feyre loved the huge art district that occupied nearly a quarter of the city. 

Her family looked down upon her choice of major, art, they told her time and time again that it was impractical and her success rate in the field was microscopic. However, their comments didn’t deter her, she couldn’t imagine studying business or stem as her father suggested, it simply wasn’t for her. She wanted her life’s work to be doing what she loved even if it came with the risk of struggling financially down the road. 

Feyre finally reached the tall double glass doors of the middle building. She grabbed her ID from her jacket pocket and held it up to the scanner. The device beeps three times loudly, flashing a dot of red light. Feyre tries again with the same result. She sighs, did she get a faulty card?

“Turn it around,” a feminine voice suggests from behind her.

Feyre whipped around. There stood a young woman, likely Feyre’s same age. She was breathtakingly pretty with long, bright blonde hair that stopped below her chest and eyes that were a shade darker than honey. She was fairly tall as was Feyre and her demeanor demanded respect. She seemed sure of herself and her looks and capitalized on them. 

“The black bar on the back is only good for your dorm room door, to get in the main entrance you have to scan the front of your ID. I know, it’s weird, took me five minutes to figure it out yesterday,” the woman explained. 

Feyre gave an appreciative smile and nodded, turning her attention back to the scanner which now responded to her with a flash of green. 

“Thank you,” Feyre breathed as she opened the door and held it for the student behind her. The girl strolled through and smiled at her. “It’s no problem.” 

Feyre directed her attention to the slip of paper in her hand, failing to remember where it said her room was. Room 223, Level 3. A blonde head peered over her shoulder. 

“Room 223? You’re right next door to me!” 

Feyre offered her a smile. “Does that mean you’ll show me the way?”

The blonde looked delighted and casually looped her arm through Feyre’s as if they’d been friends for years and led her towards the elevator. This slightly alarmed Feyre, she had never had very many friends let alone pretty girl friends, usually, they weren’t all too kind to Feyre. Despite the fact that her sisters, Nesta and Elain, were rather popular. Nesta easily took on the role of the pretty mean girl, though she wasn’t outwardly mean often. She just radiated the energy and didn’t bother with most people. 

Elain, however, was friends with everybody and was sweet to all who crossed paths with her. She had almost everyone in the school wrapped around her finger, though she had no idea; from the boys who tripped over each other to open the door for her and the girls that scrambled to sit near her at lunch. 

Feyre did have one redeeming quality in high school, well, redeeming person. Her high school sweetheart was Tamlin Spring, the football team’s star quarterback. He was one of the boys in the school that the girls drooled over constantly, but somehow it was Feyre who caught his eye and it was Feyre he asked to accompany him to homecoming. You’d think this high up connection would earn her some credit but no, the girls still teased her, convincing her it had all been a dare. 

Feyre remembers, in a fit of rage and embarrassment, she stomped over to Tamlin’s locker after the last bell and confronted him. It was there he promised her that it was no prank, it was there he first kissed her. Feyre felt like they had clicked until her mother suddenly passed away from an undiagnosed illness, the death leaving an ugly, deep scar carved into Feyre’s and her family’s lives. Feyre’s life took a turn for the worse and with it so did the relationship she shared with Tamlin. 

The gentle ding of an elevator door alerted Feyre before she found herself spiraling too deep into her thoughts. 

Her leader didn’t seem to notice her brooding state as she took Feyre out and to the right, down a decently sized hall. The floor was mostly white tile with dark blue, almost purple tiles making a design down the middle; the walls were painted a light gray and littered with numerous posters. Feyre didn’t have time to read what all the papers said before the woman stopped outside a wooden door, a plate engraved with the numbers 223 to its left. 

“This is your room. I’m just next door in 225.” 

Feyre nodded. “Thank you.”

“No problem.” The girl smiled at her and then her face lit up in realization. 

“Oh, my gods! I didn’t even introduce myself!”

Feyre let loose a small smile. “I’m Feyre,” she said at last.

To her surprise, the mysterious girl pulled her into a bone-crushing hug, “I’m Morrigan, but I really just go by Mor.” Mor then pulled back, still holding Feyre at arm’s length. 

“My roommate is named Vivane by the way. We dyed her hair silver in the bathrooms last night, you can’t miss her. She’s always hanging out with her boyfriend though, so if you ever need anything don’t hesitate to come find me!” Mor offered politely. 

“Thank you.” Feyre breathed out a little sigh of relief having found my dorm without too much trouble.

A girl down the hall called Mor’s name, she muttered a quick see you later and disappeared into the herd of students and luggage. 

Luckily, Feyre managed to open the door without issue and hauled her suitcase inside. She felt a little silly walking here with such a small amount of stuff, most students had a cart full of their belongings. 

Feyre observed the room, the same white tiled floor and light gray walls as the corridor she just exited. It wasn’t ridiculously small, but it would still be a bit of a squeeze. Nothing Feyre wasn’t used to, having shared a room with her two older sisters growing up. A few boxes and bags were already scattered about on the right side of the room. It was clear her roommate had been here and left. She dropped her black, sticker ridden suitcase on the empty bed, plopping down next to it. 

Both sides of the room were identical, two tall beds held up by drawers pressed against opposing walls, two nightstands, two narrow desks situated at the ends of each bed, and one decently sized wardrobe, all made of the same light creamy wood tone. Rather flimsy-looking violet plastic chairs were also tucked into the desks. 

Feyre began to unpack her clothes into the drawers holding up her bed in an attempt to distract her growing anxiety. She pulled out her bag of art supplies and dropped it on her desk. The bag held a paint set that was on its last leg, paint brushes that were horribly frayed at the ends, both drawing and colored pencils, sad leftover eraser nubs, and her worn leather bound sketchbook. 

The door to her room opened up with a click revealing who could only be her roommate standing on the threshold.

She was on the short side and was relatively curvy. Her skin was a tanned brown and she had dark brunette curly hair that was tied up in a loose bun. They both stood observing each other for a second.

“I see you took advantage of the half-off sale at the uni shop too.” She spoke with a smile, gesturing to the identical, oversized VU sweatshirts they were both wearing over black leggings. 

Feyre returned her smile and nodded. “I’m Feyre.”

I held out my hand which she took instantly with a squeeze, “Alis.”

Feyre felt a sense of relief in Alis’s presence. She had a gentle, calming, almost motherly aura about her. Alis invited Feyre to join her for an early dinner to get to know each other.

The girls entered into a huge room adorned with the same marble looking tiles and gray paint mixed with pillars of dark brick filling the walls where windows were absent. Two of the walls were almost completely glass letting a vast amount of natural light fill the space. Above them, three huge circular lights hung from the high ceiling. Wooden tables of various sizes and the same shade of violet accent color plastic chairs neatly filled the room. Stretching along two of the walls were a number of booths to grab food. 

Feyre and Alis settled on grabbing salads from one called Sabrina’s Kitchen and snatched a table for two near one of the walls of windows. They talked about the usual, their family, where they were from, what they were studying, etc.

Feyre learned that Alis was from the town adjacent to Feyre’s own, Springlee. She used to live there with her sister, her husband, and their two boys. She only left to pursue a degree in education but missed them terribly.

Feyre gave Alis a quick rundown of her own home life, leaving out many details that came with her dysfunctional family and explained she’d transferred after two years at Courts Community, working on an art degree. Alis loved the idea of having an artist as her roommate and insisted Feyre paint pictures to decorate their dorm. 

They’d long since finished their salads but continued chatting as the cafeteria began to fill up nearer to dinner time. 

“Whoa, whoa. Don’t look now but the hottest group of guys just strolled in,” Alis gasped. 

Feyre giggled a little and rolled her eyes, she wasn’t the type of girl to fawn after hot guys anymore with her track record. She did not trust a pretty face. Alis’s eyes were transfixed behind Feyre. 

“Would you like me to grab you a napkin to clean up your drool?” Feyre poked at Alis. 

Alis playfully swatted her hand away. “Just look at them!”

Feyre huffed and turned around in her seat; she didn’t even need to ask for clarification from Alis it was clear who she was referring too. In one of the lines stood a group of three guys, she could hear them laughing and talking from her seat.

She could only see two of their faces, but that was all she needed. They all had similar shades of black or very dark brown hair and tanned complexions, not to mention how fit they all were. One’s hair was shoulder length and half was pulled back in a bun, the other two had shorter hair cut in rather nondescript styles. Though, the quietest one who had his arms crossed over his chest and only said a few words or offered a small smile every now and then had some curl in locks. The last one had his back turned to Feyre but if his backside and friends were any indication she could only assume he was equally as beautiful. 

Noticing Feyre’s prolonged glance, Alis spoke up, “who needs a napkin now?”

Feyre snapped back around and giggled. “Shut up!”

The sheer number of students piling into the room had it near overflowing as Alis and Feyre tore their eyes from the boys and walked back to their dorm. 

They sat on their beds and talked for a while more, mostly making up ridiculous ways to find out who those boys were and how to get their attention. Feyre doodled in her sketchbook while Alis suggested they break into admissions in an attempt to get some information on them, that plan quickly fell apart as she realized they’d need to know more than their faces. 

Eventually, both girls turn in for the night. 

~~~

enjoy, let me know if you want more or not!

[sergeantjhart]

Task 02 - The Third Degree

The interview was a good idea. Jesse knew that with at least some certainty. It was a way to at least know who they needed to keep an eye on, to try and weed out anyone with bad intentions before they even stepped foot into the town. It wasn’t flawless by any means, but maybe it would do them better in the future than just welcoming anyone off the streets...They didn’t need another Kit in their midst, after all. 

But that didn’t mean he wasn’t dreading it. It was, in essence, a job interview. And sure, he was already slotted in to take on the role in the newly formed council and had been part of making this whole interview a reality, but that didn’t make it feel any less like a means of proving his worth to be here. That he was here for a purpose and here to stay - hopefully, anyway. 

He cleared his throat as he sat down across from the interviewer and recorder, faces and names blurring just a bit as he instead focused on the questions being asked. 

Where do you come from?

“Originally from Chicago,” he answered simply, shoulders lifting in a bit of a shrug. There wasn’t that much more to it.

How would you describe yourself as a person?

“Uh-” he hesitates a minute, considering the question. How would he describe himself as a person? He’d never had to really think about it before. “I don’t know, really. I guess loyal, driven, a leader. At least, I aspire to be, anyway.” He hated talking about himself. It was easier to concern himself with others and not deal with himself. 

How many walkers have you killed?

It’s an interesting question, truly. The number of walkers a person killed spoke to their experience out there in the apocalypse, how they were able to handle themselves in this hellish world. It also took a special kind of person to keep track of that. 

In the beginning Jesse could remember avoiding it at all costs. They didn’t know anything about this ‘virus’ or these people - were they still people? Were they alive? Was it possible to get them back? But when it was life or death, Jesse chose life and chose his family, time and time again. 

“I don’t know, honestly. Avoided it for a while, but when it was necessary it was necessarily.”

How many people have you killed? Why did you kill them?

He knows that this question is meant to be since the outbreak, he knows even to anticipate it. Yet he can’t help thinking back to the war, to those he had killed without all that much thought. Sure, another example of kill or be killed, another example of doing what needed to be done. And yet...

But even without considering before the answer doesn’t really come easily. Because he remembers all the blood on his hands, what he’s had to do to survive. When months had gone by and walkers became common creatures they all knew had to die and weren’t going to be coming back - well, the lines blurred between the living and the dead. He didn’t like to admit it, wanted to pretend that sentiment wasn’t true...but in that period before he’d stumbled upon Fairvale and had a little sense and hope knocked back into him --

“Jesse?” 

His name pulls him back to reality a little and he looks up at the interviewer, clearing his throat. “Uhm, 8 people. I think. Wait - 7, I guess...” He folds his hands together tightly, certain that it wasn’t the answer they were expecting or looking for. It’s written firmly in their expressions even as they try to compose themselves. A killer as part of their council? Had they just opened themselves up to another Kit? 

He tries to tell himself it had to be done, every death at his hands were for a reason. First because of a bite that had been hidden away, one that transformed the former companion into one of those things. There hadn’t been any consideration in that one, even if they had become something of a friend. They didn’t really count, either - technically they were no longer a person when Jesse pulled them off the boy and slid a blade into their temple. It was the kid that was truly his first, one that had reminded him so much of Liam, that he’d come to want to protect just as much as his own baby brother.

Bitten on the forearm, terrified of what was going to happen to him, the group stood around him with solemn expressions. Perhaps because they all knew what needed to be done but none of them was willing to step forward and do it. In part also because the boy’s older brother had fallen to his knees beside the younger, clinging to him for dear life with seemingly no intention of letting anyone else get close. 

“We - You have to help him.” He still remembers the look of desperation in Liam’s eyes as he pleads for Jesse to save him, to keep their friend from dying at the hands of this - disease. But Jesse’s no doctor. All he knows is a bite means death and becoming one of those monsters. But if the disease can’t spread then maybe there’s a chance? The idea of removing the infected limb turns even his stomach, brings back flashes of memories that he’d buried down deep - so similar the situation and yet so incredibly different. 

But living with one arm less than before was better than dying.

“Hold him still -” 

In the end, it didn’t even matter. While it didn’t seem that the disease would take him, it was the blood loss and infection that did. And that blood was now on his hands, seeping into his skin, burned into his memory. 

But what came next was worse, a grief stricken older brother to the boy that lay dead on the operating table (though realistically it was nothing more than an old bar top, with supplies that never should’ve been considered for the task at hand). When they’d pulled Liam towards him with a hand around his chin, ready to snap his neck at any moment. You took everything from me, now I’ll do the same to you. 

If the roles were reversed, Jesse wasn’t sure how he would’ve reacted. But somehow a life for a life didn’t make sense. He tried to plead with him, talk him down...but eventually there wasn’t any choice left. If he wanted to keep Liam alive (and he’d rather die than let anything happen to him) then pulling the trigger and putting a bullet in the brain of someone he’d begin to consider a friend was all he could do...

That story was still fresh in his mind, one that replayed in a loop with different (sometimes better, usually far worse) outcomes if he closed his eyes for too long. But he’d be lying if he said it hadn’t gotten easier after that. To say he’d killed a person, a human, living person - but he’d done it because it meant surviving. Keeping himself or his family alive. 

Are you searching for anybody?

“Yes.” He may have stopped in Fairvale to hang his hat and to have somewhere to call ‘home’, at least to some extent, but he wasn’t going to give up on his family. He’d just needed to refuel, recuperate, make a plan...

“My parents, my little brother, Liam. We got separated when a horde of ‘em came through. I told them to run while I drew the walkers away...” There had to have been a better solution -  he thought that over and over since that day. They should’ve stuck together. But in the heat of the moment it seemed like the best option, and he’d assumed they’d circle back and find each other again without issue. They’d done it again and again. Told him to hide, told him to stay there - and he’d always managed to find him again. 

But not this time. By the time he’d circled back to where he’d last seen them there was no sign of them. And he searched. And he tried not to think of what it meant that he couldn’t find them, that they weren’t here, that this wasn’t as easy as it had been before.

He stumbled upon other groups of survivors, pockets of people who had their own agendas and ended up on the wrong side of his gun in the desperate search for his family. But Fairvale had been the first place that actually sparked a little bit of hope in him. Maybe they’d found it already - no, that hadn’t been the case - but maybe they would find it, too. Just as he had.

Why are you here?

It’s a question he’d asked himself a few times since he’d arrived just a few weeks prior. Why are you here? Why wasn’t he still out there looking - not that he wasn’t taking every opportunity to continue the search. “Because I’m no good to them dead. Because I can do something here. Because chasing a moving target is impossible.” He can only hope that that’s been the problem, that with both of them constantly on the move the odds of them finding each other decreased with every passing day. If he stayed in one place - or at least had a place to go back to - then maybe that increased their odds of finding each other again.

Would you consider yourself a team player?

“Sure, yeah. I’ve always operated best on a team, I think.” 

Are you the type of person who will try to make the best out of a bad situation?

The best out of a bad situation. Like trying to survive when the world was burning around them? “I’m not sure any of us would be here if we didn’t at least have some sense of that.”

What skills do you have that will benefit the community and your fellow survivors?

“I was in the marines, a few years back. I’ve been told I’m a good leader. I try to keep the best interest of the people around me at heart. And I’m not a bad shot.” 

Can you handle yourself in a crisis?

The answer, again, felt pretty obvious. “I think I’ve proven that already, but given we’re all still standing here i think for the most part the answer to that has to be yes for all of us.” They were living in a crisis - for over six months now. If they couldn’t handle themselves in a crisis then they were either extremely lucky to still be alive or already dead.

What are you willing to do to protect the people and things you care about?

“I -” He’d already killed to protect Liam. He’d more quickly step into the line of fire than let anything happen to those he cared about, if he knew it would keep them safe. “Anything.”

Do you have any pre-existing medical conditions our medical staff should be informed about?

This was another question he wasn’t looking forward to. His disability was often hidden from others, behind a pant leg he looked no different unless you knew to pay attention to the slight hitch in his gait. For the most part it didn’t hinder his abilities - running wasn’t as easy as it had once been and he couldn’t be on his feet for lengthy periods of time without discomfort, but he imagined almost everyone suffered those ailments if only in a very distinctly different way. 

He just didn’t want people looking at him like he was broken. At least not in that way. He’d seen the pitying gazes all through his recovery. This, as much as he hated to say it, could be a fresh start. 

But he also wasn’t stupid. He couldn’t do all of this own his own. Sometimes, he’d need a little extra help. 

Pulling up the leg of his pant to reveal a hint of the prosthetic beneath, his shoulders lifted in a slight shrug. “I’d prefer to keep it discreet, if possible.”

[captain-emmajones]

in this life, we do not meet

Soulmate AU: The first curse never happened. Killian died 300 years prior to Emma's birth. They both live a life of loneliness, haunted by a love they never met, until death comes knocking at their door.

in which i made an angsty text post and people requested a fic out of it, hope you guys will like it <33

2000 words 🔱 angst 🔱 ao3 

dedicated to my dear friend @b99peraltiago because you’ve always been so supportive of my works i had to write you a gift :’) (sorry it’s not peraltiago :’)) 

The lyrics in italics come from Sarah Bareilles Once Upon Another Time, I had it on loop while writing and I really recommend it for the mood™️.

ORESTES: Where have I seen you before?

MOIRA: In a dream.

ORESTES: A thousand years ago.

.

Once upon another time, Before I knew which life was mine,

As Captain Killian Jones stands at the end of his life, on decks of his ship, still terribly proud in spite of everything, the waves tenderly cradling his boat are his last companions.

His crewmen were reluctant to leave him behind. They had all wanted to go down with the ship. With him. He couldn’t allow it.

“You are a part of my crew, mister Smee, and therefore you are also required to leave this ship –”

“— but Captain, I am your first mate –,”

“— I am well aware of that fact, Mister Smee. However, this is my last dying wish: to be left in peace.” To die alone.

His hooked arm guides the ship’s wheel, as always, while he presses a bottle of rum firmly against his lips. To distract himself from this poison inside of him, this hellish burn radiating from his chest – not only loneliness but the poison the Dark One infected him with.

It was yesterday. Or a week ago, difficult to be certain.

A seagull lands in front of him, completely unaware of his inner struggle. She sings.

He had been so close to killing him, after years, and years, and years…. And then she had appeared.

(He thinks he saw her first the day Milah died. Well, he didn’t properly see her.

But, as he lied sobbing in the safety of his own cabin, he did feel the warmth of a hand over his closed fist.

And it had suddenly felt a little less terrible, the hole in his chest, less terrifying the future to come, without her.

Perhaps is there so much loneliness the human heart can take before it begins to manifest something, someone, that doesn’t exist.)

She is an angel he has seen in so many of his dreams, visions, whatever bloody curse he is under.

Back on this very ship, the crocodile had come to taunt him and the blonde woman had begged him not to kill him. She said there would be repercussions beyond this life, and he wanted to believe her. Perhaps there was no other choice but to believe her.  

From the first moment he had laid eyes on her, years ago, he had known he was supposed to love her.

Perhaps not in this life. Perhaps one in which he is nobler, better, good.

The burn of a knife plunged into his chest had cut his thoughts short, and he had fallen down on his knees in front of his whole crew.

“Enjoy the ride, dearie! Your death will be slow and painful, just like you made my life when you took away Milah!”

The giggles of the Dark One still echo in his ears, but it is a fight he has definitely lost. It is a fight for the living, and he is dying.

He clenches his jaw as a brighter ray of sunshine plays on his eyelids. He frowns. He is drunk enough to numb the pain in his chest but not this gulf roaring within his throat.

As he is about to die, the sum of Killian Jones’ life is a lot of pain and wickedness.

(There is a tear at the corner of his eyes, one he firmly wipes with his hand.)

Dying alone is, after all, more challenging for the nerves than expected by the brave Captain.

A deep breath, to fill in his lungs with the salty sea air, one he’s loved his entire life.

Perhaps is he not so alone after all.

He has been haunted all his life by this angel of beauty, of love, perhaps of death. As if, maybe – just maybe –  things were supposed to end differently.

Bloody nonsense.

A flash of pain. The bottle of rum escapes his hand as his eyes shut in agony, a fire he knows sent from Hell overcoming him. His knees bend down, and his hand tries to hold on to the wooden wheel.

“Bloody hell, can’t it be a quick death?”

He chuckles to himself. What did you expect? The comfort of a loved ones’ arms?

Soon enough, he is unable to see clearly, and his head hits the floor, a muffled sob he isn’t aware of echoing on the ship.

Be quick. Be quick. Be quick.

And then, somehow, as darkness engulfs him and there is nothing but pain, a relief. A cold, white hand on his face – there must some comfort in death.

A smile splits his face open. “Oh, there you are… just in time, love…”

He thinks he sees tears on her face, and his heart screams: someone cares, someone cares,…  

One last breath, one last pang of pain, and he is gone.

(When the Jolly Roger is taken back by pirates with bright eyes and hopes, rumor has it that it is now a haunted ship.

The crewmen avoid at all cost to walk along the corridors at night, for a white figure lingers there.

She has blonde hair and translucent eyes and she seems to be waiting for whom will never come back.)

.

Truly, it is a happy life.

Although King and Queen of Misthaven, Emma’s parents offer her nothing but softness and love. She grows up sheltered by their good heart. (The one they share).

Oh, she does live a good life – one of very few heartaches.

(The few she endures are fighting against Regina, but it is never a lonely fight. Emma’s light magic is too powerful for the Evil Queen and she bends the knee. They evict her from the kingdom.)

Except perhaps when she wakes up covered in sweat, heart about to explode in her chest, eyes filled with tears, and she aches for whom she cannot reach.

It is not for a lack of trying. She feels like she’s dreamed of him her entire life.

Her mother has a knowing smile when she confesses her worries. Together, they decide to create an enchantment to find him, whoever he is.

(His eyes are of a forget-me-not blue, his hair of a dark brown, and there is so much pain in the absent smile he paints upon his face.

She wants to save him. Little does she know she is too late.)

It is truly a good life, except for that one moment, maybe, when she finds herself near the sea and she thinks she has finally found him and she discovers a tombstone with his name on it.

(“How can you tell it’s really him?” her mother asks.

She finds no shame in her heart when she replies: “He told me in a dream.”)

If she can make out anything in between her tears, it is the date: 1755 - 1789.

“He’s been dead for three hundred years,” she whispers in this foggy morning, one hand over the marble.

The sea breeze is cruel against her cheeks.

“Some things are just not meant to be”, Snow White tries to comfort her.

There is a moan that she muffles against her palm. But we were.

Being brought up in this environment of true love and happily ever after makes this burn over her heart even more painful.

(The pain comes from the birthmark she’s got under her breast, the shape of a knife enchanted with poison.)

But it is a good life.

It is however a short one.

The birthmark seems to infect itself, and the poison takes her over in a week.

Their princess is twenty-eight-year old when Snow White and Prince Charming lose her forever.

.

Killian Jones has always been a man of action and this after-life is a long agony of waiting.

Tik tok, tik tok,… Times flies but never towards the future.

At least, there’s still rum.

Rum has no taste back there, but there is a comfort in the habit.

One look at the clock. 8:15. The time of his death. As always. He drinks a mouthful of rum, waits for the burn that doesn’t come.

It is incredibly lonely there. It never gets more comfortable, warmer, it is forever dull and cold.

.

He is sitting in Granny’s when the air shifts. The door opens, and he instinctively looks up from his drink.

And then, a miracle occurs: the clock ticks forward.

There she is.

After all these years. He swallows down, tries to remain composed. His heart is about to burst out of his chest. The woman of his dreams is wrapped up in a dark red dress, a crown on her head, and void in her green eyes.

His blood becomes cold as his gaze meets hers and something within him urges him to stand up.

Welcome her.

There’s a flash of light in her eyes and he knows she recognizes him too.

“Killian,…”

It is awful to hear his name in the mouth of someone who cares for him, after all these years of heartache.

It is freeing.

The ghost haunting him for centuries is finally in front of him, in the flesh, and they are both dead.

A smile. “Well, I sure as hell have been waiting for you, your grace.”

Her smile then doesn’t reach her eyes but does break his heart.

.

“So, you are a royal lady?” a roll of his eyes.

He is playful to hide his discomfort.

They are both sitting outside of Granny’s, echoes of once upon another time dancing all around them.

She’s gazing at the furniture, surely taken aback, and no vision allowed him to fully grasp a glimpse of her beauty. Nor her kindness.

“Was,” she smiles, looks up at him and dives into his eyes.

She takes his breath away.

“And you are a pirate?” she enquires back, playfully.

Something hurts, in his chest. His blood turns cold. “That I am.” He is disappointing her.

You disappoint everybody.

“Well, my mother was a thief,” she quickly adds, she is perceptive.

Tough lass.

He smiles at her. And it is terribly tempting to fall in love with her in the blink of an eye.

.

As things turn out, she is so willing to love him and he is unable to believe he deserves that kind of love.

“I’ve known you my entire life,” she assures him as they sit on a bench by the underworld sea.

She wants to reach for his hand but he is cold and distant and terrified.

The air in this goddamn hell is unbreathable, and perhaps is it because they are not supposed to be breathing. It constantly smells of smoke and ashes, and she still smells like her old self, vanilla and cinnamon, and hope.

“You don’t get it,” he mumbles, remains as far as he possibly can on this tiny bench. He stares at his knuckles. And exhales: “You were the only flicker of light in an ocean of darkness.”

So many times, the only reason he had hold on to life was her face under the sky of a starless night.

A pause. “But I never deserved hope.”

I never deserved you.

.

She surely doesn’t expect him to believe he is a villain. In her visions, she has never seen one. She’s only seen somebody incredibly lonely.

She knows she cannot save him unless he wants her to.

She understands. He wasn’t raised with tales of true love and happy endings – and for heaven’s sake they are both dead and their skin is cold, but lord is her heart beating for him in spite of everything.

He’s waited three centuries. She can at least wait for the rest of eternity.

.

It takes a lot of patience, and kindness, and affection, to melt the ice around Killian Jones’ heart.

Hades doesn’t help her, mind you, is quite determined to keep them both in the Underworld.

“We can move on,” she tells him, still by the sea, “Together. Start over on the other side. Be happy.”

He nods. It isn’t much, but it does give her hope.

And when she grabs his hand, he lets her.

.

It is a very bright light, moving on. For the first time in this life, they do so hand in hand, ready to face all of eternity together.

But mostly, I believed in yellow lights, and tire marks. Sun-kissed skin and handle bars, And where I stood was where I was To be… No enemies to call my own, No porch light home to pull me home, And where I was is beautiful Because I was free.

[nebulastarss]

Another Danganronpa AU because I have a problem. Also because I've been reading a lot of time loop fics, don't judge me.

Whenever I go off on a tangent, I'll try to mark it with () or []

I've not managed to find one where Shuichi is the time traveler, but there's a fuckload of Kokichi. Yep, I'm actually including drv3 this time. A miracle. Let's take all the side antagonists, Byakuya Togami, Nagito Komaeda, and Kokichi Ouma. These little shits are uncooperative as all hell, but at least Byakuya is emotionally attached to his fellow survivers by the end.

Nagito and Kokichi both died, but for slightly different reasons, despite both trying to make an unsolvable murder.

Now that you know what characters I'm using, allow me to spill my ideas in a way that might not make much sense.

In all of their rooms, once they finish the first loop (canon) they find an extra tablet. That or an extra feature on the monopads. This allows them to chat with each other as they realize that they're all in the same situation.

Kokichi is already kinda attached to his classmates but paranoia and trust issues like to bite him in the ass. Nagito legit dies to try and kill all of them so he takes a while to come around. (Specifically after Byakuya ask Junko about the ultimate despair and why they follow her. "Manipulation and a hell of a lotta brainwashing!" Or something.)

Everytime they die, or finish the game wrong, the go into a blankness. Just an empty void that they stay in until the others also die/finish incorrectly. They all start the time loops at the exact same time, no matter when they finish.

Once Nagito gets aware of the goal (get everyone out alive) he tries it. He's the first to get out. Ultimate Luck and all that, also the fact that he was the one who initiated the murder.

I hear what your saying, "what about the fourth chapter" and to that I respond with what I remember from the game, "it's only real because you think it's real." If Nagito told them and convinced them it was virtual by then, they'd be fine. How'd he know it was virtual? He's already gotten to the end multiple times, just never with everyone.

That's enough about dr2 for now though, I talk about it too much anyway. Byakuya goes through his fair share of "fuck this" and is not ok. He and Kokichi both starve themselves before they realize the goal (they both realized during the same loops thanks to Shuichi and Makoto) meanwhile Nagito is fucking around because hey, what if I fuck with Fuyuhiko so much, he traps me in a tree and cuts off my fingers? Maybe that's the answer.

Look at the self-deprecating dumbass go-

Kokichi is trying his best, but he's really not sure how to pass the fourth or first chapters without someone dying. That's what most of his loops are, him dying while trying protect someone so he can get this shit over with.

Let's just say, Tsumugi often hits the gremlin child and the avocado. Once he figures out how to get past that (who knew bringing another person into the library would be so useful?) he's so fucking relieved because he can stop Kirumi a lot easier.

(Once they get past a motive with no death and then sleep, their progress "saves" so they don't have to keep doing it, and wake up in bed)

Byakuya is having a bad time, because there's Toko, but then Oogami, and oh fuck he forgot about Mukuro. Damn. Don't forget that Monokuma isn't above bending the rules! He'll gleefully execute the wrong person if their annoying enough.

The amount of times Byakuya got framed for murder and executed is so much higher than the other two, but it still happened occasionally. It happened to Nagito the least tho.

(At one point Kokichi fucks up and everyone thinks he's a girl, Nagito has to tap dance to distract everyone from murdering, and Byakuya is forced into gymnastics. Byakuya cussed one time in all of this, and it was when he first saw Makoto's dead body and Kyoko being framed. When he confessed this to the chat, Kokichi started spamming swears, which nearly gave Nagito a heart attack when he got online about halfway through.)

In this au, drv3's canon ending is bullshit because fuck that noise. As well as a little rewriting of dr3's future version. Byakuya is now an expert at doing stupid shit but no one dieing, so he does exactly that. He somehow wiggles into the meeting and (thanks to his painfully acquired chemical resistance) doesn't pass out.

He pretends to tho and basically breaks all of dr3 future version's canon. No one dies and Monica gets sent to Jabberwock Island where she freaks the fuck out at Nagito acting differently. Byakuya sighs as his time traveling friend tries to calm down a screaming child.

Of course, I went off on a tangent so here's drv3! They all get out, Tsumugi doesn't die (Kokichi learned his lesson about that already) and they get out, dragging a tied up Tsumugi with them.

Junko isn't dead either btw. Makoto is trying to reform her and kinda failing, but at least she isn't trying to kill him constantly.

[Her plans were always foiled by Byakuya cuz apparently he's still in the time loop. Every time someone (important) dies and he sees the body he wakes up that morning or yesterday with enough time to stop it. He's not sure why. The same thing starts happening to Nagito when he gets out, but they always loop together. Dr3 was a nightmare for Nagito, because he didn't know what was happening to Byakuya]

Kokichi steps out and finds that, instead of it all fading to black like normal, it fades to white. He smiles as it fades because that means he did a good job, even if he hasn't been able to talk to Nagito for seven loops or Byakuya for two.

Then he wakes up and finds them both standing over his hospital bed. (they sent pictures of themselves in the group chat) and it turns out that Junko had kidnapped them when they were children and forced them into multiple killing games, that they'll never remember, but the fake talents they have now are practically real talents, so they're artificial just like Hajime's.

Then, because drv3 is a literal teen and not an adult with only their teenage memories like dr2, the whole cast gets practically adopted by the adults. Their parents are all dead.

(all the backstories are kind of similar to reality. Kokichi was in an orphanage with a small group of friends that liked to play pranks. Shuichi's parents were abusive so his uncle took him in. His uncle in dead now soo-

Hurt/comfort saiouma and you can't stop me. Mutual healing is what gives me life. Also neagirigami. And komahina. Let the antagonists be gay/bi for the protagonists/heroine.)

Kokichi's game ended only a few months after Nagito's.

Let me know if this is kind of hard to understand because of how much I jumped around, and I'll try to explain whatever confused you!

[tren-fraszka]

Past Imperfect 2019 Letter

Dear creator,

Thank you for taking your time to check my requests. I know my requests can sound a bit tricky, but please don’t be discouraged. I wish you will have good time writing first and foremost!

My AO3 is Tren, if you wish to check it out.

Likes: comedy, casefics, canon compliants, AUs, time loops, bodyswaps, roleswaps, “being hoisted by your own petard” plotlines, snark, pettiness, rivals, enemies to friends to lovers, violence, friendships and character bonding,

DNW: explicit sex, A/B/O, mpreg, rape depicted as positive (so no “it’s okay, because the other person enjoyed it/it was what they truly wanted”), trans headcanons, soulmate AUs, stories ending with surrender to fate/destiny, fourth wall breaking in canons where that doesn’t occur, character has cancer or other real life terminal disease AU, word “queerplatonic”.

Also, I included what ships I’m okay with in each fandom. Please do not include any ships that aren’t canon and I have not allowed in those sections (if you feel really strongly about a ship I haven’t mentioned, you can always ask through mods just in case).

Additionally, while I almost never request fanart as possible medium, because I prefer my main gift to be fic, I would be very okay with receiving fanart treats. On another note, feel free to use my old letters if you get your hands on them. I never stop being interested in fandoms, and if I requested something once I will still want it in the future.

                                               REQUESTS

A general note on time travel: feel free to get bloody if you want. Aside from Revue Starlight which isn’t a violent show by nature, I don’t mind characters dying and getting hurt during the attempts to change the timeline. I also don’t mind characters not succeeding in their attempted goals, as long as the fic doesn’t have a complete downer ending. I’d rather the heroes won at the end of the day, but I don’t mind if you make it a bitter victory. Good endings are, of course, fine too. I also love the trope where the attempt to change the events through time travel results in the canon timeline.

TALES OF SYMPHONIA 

Lloyd Irving, Lloyd Irving & Kratos Aurion

This party gets so many things wrong on their journey to save the world that almost half of it is in ruins when they are done saving it. Needlessly to say I think there is a whole lot that our party may want to fix using time travel.

I'm partial to the idea of time traveller Lloyd because he would be so terrible at it. He's just so earnest he would accidentally reveal he has a whole lot of knowledge he shouldn't possess. Give me future Lloyd who returns to the body of his younger self who has only just started on his journey of regeneration and who keeps struggling not to call Kratos dad. Or future Lloyd returning to the past with his own body, who is desperately trying to stay incognito and fix the timeline rather than accidentally breaking it even more (bonus points if future Genis and Yuan have some sort of magical connection with him and are constantly screaming at him about what he should and shouldn't do). I would also love future Lloyd pretending before the party that he is just a mysterious swordsman by emulating Kratos.

I'm also fine with other characters travelling in time, I just don't have concrete prompts for them. But you are free to have fun with them. I'd rather the Kharlan Heroes weren't the ones time travelling since their charm is in the fact that they are absolute dumbasses who keep failing to account for the consequences of their actions (aside from Kratos who spends way too much time being apathetic, only to regret absolutely everything when he does manage to pull himself out of his depression), but if you have some good ideas for how they can fail even more by time travelling I won't mind (maybe they can accidentally get into way of some other time travelling characters). I just want them to keep being ancient disasters. If they suddenly became competent enough to fix the timeline it would feel weird. Unless it's Martel who somehow time traveled into the future and proceeds to fix everything by slapping all other Kharlan Heroes and telling them they are idiots.

As for how much the timeline is fixed, I would prefer for Yggdrassil to get defeated and the worlds to be merged at the end, but if the characters' efforts don't amount much to actually making things better than the original timeline, I won't mind. You are even free to make them fail even more. Honestly, stopping Kratos from gallivanting into space is the only fix-it that actually matters to me and I would love if it gets included into the story. 

Also, you are free to go for some darker moments with Lloyd time travelling back to when his mom died and trying to save her, but failing to do so.

As for the ships, I'm fine with: Lloyd/Genis, Genis/Presea, Lloyd/Genis/Presea, Zelos/Colette, Colette/Sheena, Zelos/Colette/Sheena, Anna/Kratos, Yuan/Martel, Kratos/Yuan (as "useless widowers who only have each other left" ship). Please don't include any ships not listed here, even if they are 2/3 of a threesome.

Time Loop/Groundhog Day

Time Travel Fix-It

Mental Time Travel to Past - Replacing Past Self

Mental Time Travel to Past - Sharing Body With Past Self

Time Travel Fix-It - Time Traveler Fixes Things By Accident

Uncontrollable Spontaneous Time Travel

Time Travel to Fix Problems Caused By Previous Time Travel

Multiple Travelers - Get In Each Other’s Way While Trying To Achieve Different Goals

SHOUJO KAGEKI REVUE STARLIGHT (ANIME)

Yes, I really am okay with any characters from this show. I love all girls in this theater school, so I'd rather you focused on the ones you enjoy the most, dear author. I admit I just want more shenanigans around Banana's time loop. Give me all more or less successful attempts to break out of it. Maybe Maya becomes aware of the time loop and starts to view Nana as a rival much to Claudine's frustration. Or Kaoruko's increasing frustration with the fact that she's the only one who remembers time loops other than Nana finally spurs her to put effort into bettering herself. Or maybe Giraffee's POV as it gets increasingly frustrated with the repeating performances and tries different indirect approaches in hopes of stopping Nana. Feel free to use any other idea you have, I'm just interested to see your ideas!

I'm playing Re-live game so you are free to borrow characters and ideas from it. Maybe rather than Hikari it's some other stage girl that comes to Seisho and gets caught in the time loop? Or one of the characters travels into the future and they end up having three days to learn for their role, because they don't share memories with their future self. 

You are free to ship any girls from the anime as you like. My only request would be that if you decide to borrow Michiru from Re-Live that she will not be shipped with anyone.

Breaking a canonical time loop

Canonical Time Loops

Time Loop/Groundhog Day

Multiple Travelers - Accidentally Get In Each Other’s Way While Trying To Achieve The Same Goal

Multiple Travelers - Get In Each Other’s Way While Trying To Achieve Different Goals

Time Loop - Unexpectedly Living With The Consequences Of Actions During Final Loop

Time Travel For Pranks And Petty Mischief

Trying to not break a canonical time loop

5 Minute Long Time Loop

Outsider POV Of Strange Events Caused By Time Travel

LORD EL-MELLOI CASE FILES

I’ve watched anime and read the first volume of the novel. I also know way too many other Fate properties if you want to use them or the characters from them.

Waver Velvet, Gray

This canon is perfect for all sorts of magic induced time travel shenanigans be it time loops or time travels. I would love for Waver and others to stumble into some sort of time distortion and have to figure out how to escape out of it.

I requested Waver and Gray, because I feel like they would be the most interesting characters to be involved in time travel shenanigans, but if you want, I also wouldn't be opposed to Flat, Reines or Callum in that role. You may make the situation as serious or as mundane as you wish. This fandom is great for all kinds of stories. Whether it be Gray caught up in a time loop that always ends up with Waver ending miserable and trying to change that, or Waver having to watch death of people important to him. 

The loop could be caused by magical accident or be a ploy aimed to Reines faction. Or maybe Flat created a time loop because he couldn't finish his homework on time. Or someone from Waver's class brought a cursed artifact to the class and now they need to figure out who it was. The possibilities are endless. I also think that a character from the future using magecraft to communicate with those in the past could work really well here. 

If you know Zero, then I would also be very much up for Gray travelling back in time to see the fourth Holy Grail war. Whether she changes anything, or if she remains a bystander by accident or choice isn't really important to me. I'm fine with both. Though I think it would be really sweet if she got to comfort Waver after Iskander's death.

I love this fandom for all the gen relationships, so I would love if you went in that direction. When it comes to pairings I would be okay with Waver/Melvin or Reines/Gray, but don't feel forced to write them in.

Time Loop/Groundhog Day

Time Loop - Unexpectedly Living With The Consequences Of Actions During Final Loop

Time Loop - Only looping character is aware of the loop

Time Travel For Pranks And Petty Mischief

Unusual Ways To Communicate Through Time

Accidentally Built A Time Machine

Uncontrollable Spontaneous Time Travel

5 Minute Long Time Loop

Meeting your hero in the past

Multiple Travelers - Accidentally Get In Each Other’s Way While Trying To Achieve The Same Goal

Parallel Universes

Outsider POV Of Strange Events Caused By Time Travel

MY HERO ACADEMIA 

I'm reading the chapters as they come out, you are free to incorporate any new developments.

Aizawa Shouta | Eraserhead, Uraraka Ochako, Tokoyami Fumikage

Unlike other canons I requested, for this one I have a very strong preference for one of the characters I requested to be the time traveller. I love most of the cast, but this is one time I'm gonna play favourites.

This canon is great for characters going back in time to fix stuff with everybody having heroic motivations. How well their attempts go is up to you. Feel free to put the characters through some hell if you want. 

Since I would enjoy similar scenarios for all characters I feel like it would be more helpful if I focused on the reason why I chose this specific characters:

- Uraraka - one of her biggest strengths is her ability to read and influence others. It would be interesting to see her change the events using her talents. She's not very powerful and charismatic compared to some of her classmates, but she has plenty of tricks of her own to use instead. Also, she has determination to spare.

- Tokoyami - I love him and Dark Shadow. It would be very interesting to see how the loyal and hard working Fumikage deals with suddenly being thrown into the past. He would surely want to help his friends, but at the same time he seems to believe in fate to some extent. How would he be able to reconcile those two drives?

- Aizawa - on the one hand as a teacher he can do much more, but on the other one now he has to save his thirty students from all the dangers lurking before them. Needlessly to say, it's no easy task to keep all the problem children of class 1A safe. He's an experienced hero, so it would be interesting to see how he uses his knowledge and skills to overcome the obstacles in his way.

For the pairings I enjoy Bakugou/Uraraka, Todoroki/Deku and Aizawa/Hizashi. I don't have strong shipping preference for Tokoyami, but I would be okay with shipping him with Deku. Feel free to ask through mods if you feel strongly about shipping him with someone. As far as Uraraka's feelings for Deku are concerned I'm okay with her crush being mentioned, but I'd rather it wasn't the focus and definitely not an endgame. I like the idea of the two of them dating for some time, but realizing it isn't working for them and staying friends instead or a scenario where Uraraka never conveys her feelings and they sizzle out through years.

Character Receives Letters from Their Future Self

Character's Health Worsens the More They Time Travel

Time Loop/Groundhog Day

Character Meets Their Own Earlier/Later Incarnation

Time Loop - Looping character trying to save another character's life

Uncontrollable Spontaneous Time Travel

5 Minute Long Time Loop

Alternate Universe - Canon Character Is Secretly A Time Traveler From The Future

Multiple Travelers - Accidentally Get In Each Other’s Way While Trying To Achieve The Same Goal

Mental Time Travel to Past - Sharing Body With Past Self

Mental Time Travel to Past - Replacing Past Self

Mental Time Travel to Past - Merging With Past Self

[recentanimenews]

The GREAT CRUNCHYROLL Re:ZERO REWATCH Kicks Off With Episodes 1-5

Welcome to the GREAT CRUNCHYROLL Re:ZERO REWATCH! I'm Jared Clemons, and I'll be your host this week as we make our way through Re:ZERO -Starting Life in Another World-. Last week, we answered our initial questions about the series, and this week we began episodes 1-5.

  Going into Re:ZERO, for the most part blind, made for some surprising moments in just these first five episodes alone. I wasn’t expecting Subaru to just switch worlds with seemingly nothing happening to him in his original world. Nor did I think constantly redoing periods of time would be a thing. Somehow, that aspect of the show completely passed me by when it was airing a few years ago. I’m not completely bought into Subaru as a hero quite yet. There’s something about him that just feels fake or off to me. Maybe that’s the point though. I’m sure I'll figure that out along with everyone else over the course of the next four weeks. Regardless, I’m interested to see where this whole thing goes and why this has the reputation it does. Gotta figure out who made Subaru turn into mush at the end of episode 5, which I have some theories about.

    Before we discuss these episodes, let's check out some questions and comments you had from our last installment!

  Acapo asks: “so how are these rewatch things decided? Do we vote somewhere? Or...”

  We came to a consensus together as the Features team. While taking suggestions from you guys wouldn’t be a bad idea, we have tentatively booked ourselves for the next two Rewatches, so it’ll be awhile before we could ask for ideas.

  MachaiArcanum asks: “So how exactly does this rewatch thing work exactly? This is the first time I’ve heard of it and I’m not sure what exactly is going on.”

  So, we are going to watch five episodes each week and you'll get to read the Features team's thoughts and opinions on that set of episodes. We welcome all of you to watch along with us and you can ask questions or give your comments about these episodes similarly to what we're doing. Plus, you can be featured in this segment of the Rewatch as well!

  Deatherz007 says: “Time for Subaru to suffer once more”

  Only a little bit.

    Now, let's see what the Crunchyroll Features team thought of this week's episodes!

  We kick things off with, depending on the version you’re watching, two episode ones or a longer episode one. Did this longer episode do a good job of introducing you to the world of Re:ZERO? Would you have liked it to have been shorter or cut down in specific spots?

  David: The only thing I would change is the cut in the middle being completely abrupt. You can imagine a commercial break there or something but having no transition at all makes it feel very odd.

  Austin: I wouldn’t say it introduces the world of Re:ZERO well so much as it introduces the slums and the characters well while making the capital feel as huge as it is. That said, I really like longer first episodes of anime since they’re great for setting the tone and almost always make me want to watch more right away.

  René: I’m with Austin on this. Longer episodes really give you that opportunity to establish a proper mood and mindset for a show that is way harder to accomplish with only 20 minutes. Whenever an anime serves me a double-length episode, it immediately piques my interest since it’s obviously something special if it gets this kind of production treatment.

  Kevin: It’s a bit hard for my to say, since this is my third or fourth time watching the show, so I already know a lot more about the world than I should. I’ll say that I like some of the worldbuilding that they hint at, like mentioning Satella and the Jealous Witch early on. As for stuff that could be cut down, I’ve always felt like while a bunch of stuff is repeated due to the time loope mechanic, very little is actually wasted, and speeding much of it up would make things fly by too quickly. 

  Carolyn: I thought the point of it was not so much to introduce the world but to set up the storytelling device of semi-time travel and constantly dying, which it did very well.

    Paul: I watched the Japanese version with English subtitles, and while I was initially lukewarm on the premise, I must admit that the first two episodes hooked me. From what I've seen, I think Re:ZERO works best when it's structured like a horror movie or a murder mystery, and these early episodes demonstrate a lot of that.

  Joshua: I think for the story Re:ZERO is trying to tell, and the emotional depth it’s trying to tell it with, a standard 25-ish minute introduction would have been nowhere near as effective. We had to learn not only of Return by Death, but the impact it has on Subaru, and there’s really only one way to do that (over and over again!). This hefty run-time even came without an explanation for Subaru being isekai’d! While Truck-kun won’t be getting a paycheck this time, and there was no other crazy reason like other shows in the genre, I actually respect how Re:ZERO skipped a convoluted set-up in favor of what actually matters right now. I felt that the double episode gave me a firm anchor on the characters and their feelings, which is a useful connection to make early on.

  Noelle: I think the setup was effective enough. I haven’t seen this show before, and I don’t know anything about it, but the first few episodes delivered enough information to get me interested, but not enough to give me all the answers, and that’s fine. I don’t think the world as a whole has been introduced, because it’s still filtered through our protag’s eyes, but we don’t need an opening history lesson in this case. 

  Danni: I thought it worked really well as a two-parter. It was a long, but effective, introduction to the world and Subaru’s predicament as a whole. It also managed to do so without any big exposition dumps, which I really appreciated. 

  Kara: Nothing felt wasted or overly long in that first episode. As others have said, there was a lot to set up, and going for the standard 22-minute runtime wouldn’t necessarily have allowed for enough room to lay things out adequately. I wasn’t checking the time at all, which is always my high sign for what feels decently paced.

    Subaru quickly learns that he is reliving time after getting killed. Since you may have known about this already, what did you think about how it was executed in these episodes? Was anime Groundhog Day what you were expecting and do you think it’s been explained well thus far?

  David: It takes him a few times in to figure it out, I was actually kind of surprised to realize how many times he went through it before he understood he was going through the same day over and over again. That said, I think it’s well explained because of how natural it comes to Subaru. The show literally starts with him realizing he has been isekai’d, but it takes him a while to realize he is reliving scenarios.

  Austin: “Quickly”, he says… Sarcasm aside, I think it was done well since it adds a kind of unique weight to everything. Sure, Subaru can die with relatively low risk, but I tense up every time he gets in a fight or near anything sharp and pointy since I really don’t want to see the poor guy have to suffer both another death and having to redo a section of time but this time figure out what he did wrong.

  René: The gruesomeness of his deaths are what really sells the memetic “suffering” part of this show. Yes, it may be of little consequence for him to die but the way his deaths are depicted just really shows you how painful it actually is and moves it away from just being a videogame-y element as in many other isekai shows.

  Kevin: Once Subaru finally realized his power, I looked down into the episode comments and saw “out of everything that has happened it’s the chips that make him realize what’s going on,” and that pretty much sums up Re:ZERO. The time loops make sense, and they keep happening in part because the main character is either too stupid or stubborn to stop dying. As for what I was expecting when I first watched the show, I remember quite appreciating how much Subaru tries to learn each time he dies, using past loops to influence how he acts in the current loop. He’s genre savvy enough to know that if he does things the exact same, then the same outcome will happen, but human enough that he can’t repeat things exactly, which then leads to different outcomes. The actual ability hasn’t really been explained yet, but it’s easy enough to get a grasp of how it works.

  Carolyn: I was trying to figure out if he actually died on what we would consider Earth? That seems pretty clear but it’s not totally cut and dry, I guess. If so, is he in Heaven/Purgatory/whathaveyou? I’m still kind of stuck on that.

    Paul: The mechanics of Subaru's “Return by Death” ability haven't been explained at all, although I have an inkling of how it works as a result of encountering some spoilers years ago. I think the series works best when it leans heavily on the dramatic irony, to the point where neither the audience nor the main character knows exactly what is going on. It's satisfying when something unexpected happens.

  Joshua: I really liked how Subaru didn’t twig it the first time, so we could join in his confusion as he tried to figure out exactly what was happening to him. It does make a little sad that some neat conversations are lost to everyone but Subaru though; like his chat with Old Man Rom. So I hope the series is able to counterbalance that loss of character development as it moves forward.

  René made a great point about the impacts of Subaru’s many deaths though. In fact, my Mum walked in on me watching one of them and called it “horrific”! It’d be easy for a show like this to lose all sense of any stakes if viewers become too comfortable with Subaru simply waking up at the last “save point”, but seeing the physical and emotional pain each death causes him, really makes me want to see him break the loops!

  Noelle: I wouldn’t call him keying in quick by any means, but then again, it takes people some time to process information, especially if it’s been after a traumatic experience. I don’t think the deaths themselves are that gruesome all things considering (I do watch a lot of horror), but they do a great job at showing Subaru’s terror. When you’re a kid with no combat experience, going up against very experienced enemies, that’s only inevitable…

  Danni: This is my first time watching it, but I actually didn’t realize it was a Groundhog Day situation until we started planning out this rewatch in the group chat. I think it worked about how you’d expect with him taking a few runs to really understand what was happening. Honestly the only thing in the premise I took issue with was how quickly he was on board with suddenly being summoned to a parallel world and a tiny bit put off by how self-aware he was of isekai tropes. 

  Kara: I literally had no idea. Time loops are one of my favorite narrative devices to see played with. If I’d known this was a major part of the concept of Re:ZERO I probably would have come to it of my own volition much sooner.

    Since we’re now 20% (yes, that does sound weird) of the way through Re:ZERO, give me your thoughts on Subaru as a protagonist so far. What do you like or dislike about him? Is his heroism heartfelt or insincere?

  David: So this is actually my favorite part about this show—Subaru’s “heroism” isn’t “heroic” as much as it is “altruistic”. He doesn’t do things because he expects rewards, but because his actions will help make the world around him better in some way. Emilia is the same, and their conversation on the bridge in the first episode highlights this.

  Austin: I really like Subaru at this point, and I think these early episodes do a good job of painting him as a sympathetic character. He’s seemingly selfless to a fault and just wants to make Emilia happy since in turn that’ll make him happy.

  René: These first few episodes do a great job divorcing Subaru from your run-of-the-mill isekai protagonist. Not only is there seemingly no actual reason for him to be isekai’d as he just randomly pops up, it also undermines every heroic deed he tries to accomplish almost immediately. It really drives home the fact that he is just your regular guy who doesn’t get to be The Chosen One simply because he came to this world.

  Kevin: Oh boy are we going to have a lot to talk about in a few weeks. For now, Subaru is goofy and driven and as a result is generally likable. At the same time, he clearly has no idea what to do to move forward, so is just fumbling around until something catches his eye. He’s basically like a lost puppy, so that helps to endear the audience and characters to him. His heroism is heartful, just misguided. He wants to help Emilia, but he has no actual reason to. 

  Carolyn: I immediately saw him as the Deadpool of Isekai. Deadpool knows he’s in a comic and all the tropes that come with it, Subaru knows all the tropes that come with this strange new land he’s in. I found that to be entertaining. As for his intentions, I think he’s been very straightforward about that. He’s sincere, but his motivations aren’t entirely noble. He will help others but does intend to get something out of it. He’s just honest about that.

    Paul: I like Subaru more than I expected to, although I don't know whether that's because he's well-written or because of the pathos evoked by his Job-like suffering. His biggest flaw seems to be that he keeps treating the world like a video game, and he doesn't realize that he is not the protagonist. Subaru also doesn't realize that his affection for Emilia is one-sided. He mistakes her basic empathy for romantic interest, and as someone who made the same mistake as a dumb teenager, I can only see that ending poorly.

  Joshua: I’m honestly not sure how to read Subaru. Puck keeps on saying he has no ill-intent, yet he’s usually the first to make some off-handed weird comments. He’s definitely complex, and I wouldn’t mind this becoming a recurring question each week! For now, I’d say he’s earnest but his constant self-deprecation will make others see him in a worse light. He can also be a bit too cocky at times, like his meeting with Roswaal. So I’d like to see him gain a bit more respect for others not called Emilia, and himself.

  Noelle: I’m on the fence. Subaru is by no means a bad kid, he’s nice and he sticks his neck out for other people, and he is kind deep down. At the same time, there’s a profound sense of entitlement to him, for he doesn’t seem to realize that he’s dealing with people with lives of their own, not characters. He also expects the world to revolve around him because he’s supposed to be special, and that’s pretty yikes. 

  Danni: I like him more than I thought I would, but not as much as I probably should. The fact he knows what isekai is and essentially that he’s the protagonist of an isekai anime is pretty grating. I like him more when he’s being himself than when he’s trying to be a protagonist. 

  Kara: I kind of agree with, like, literally everyone in the show that Subaru is not terribly ambitious, and I’m kind of wondering what the hell he’s been through. His “skeevy” comments don’t seem skeevy to me so much as an attempt to assume a role he thinks he’s accepted to fill. Also, he hasn’t once displayed any sort of concern about going home or missing anyone or anything from the “real” world. More than anything, I’m curious what he’s been through to the point that he’s downplaying himself so much and basically pretends his previous life doesn’t exist.

    The last two episodes of this initial set sees Subaru taken to the Roswaal mansion and beginning work there. Here, we learn a bit more about the state of the world Subaru has been summoned to and meet Rem, Ram, Beatrice, and Roswaal along with Emilia. What were your initial impressions of this cast of characters and Subaru’s interactions with them?

  David: Roswaal is the teacher in Isekai Quartet, and I forgot he was even a character in this show, so I keep hearing him and associating it more with Isekai Quartet than this show. Beatrice is great.

  Austin: When I first watched this show I saw every character sans for Emilia as kind of distant and suspicious. Now that I’m rewatching it, I realise that they all have a very good reason for being this way; one thing I really like that I noticed now that I’m rewatching is that Beatrice seems much more aware of Subaru’s situation and current death loop than he is. Also, Emilia is still as wonderful as I remember her being.

  René: The Roswaal mansion arc is what really lays the groundwork for what the show is all about for me: This isn’t a world that revolves around the protagonist but one in which he must find his place and the distant and mysterious nature of the mansion inhabitants really drives that fact home. Since we are almost exclusively kept within Subaru’s POV, it really is up to the viewer to piece together the mystery of why he is dying again. We don’t yet understand the new characters and there isn’t an obvious threat like Elsa. It’s basically a murder mystery in which the victim is also the detective.

  Also, I have to second Austin’s sentiment: Emilia truly is wonderful!

  Kevin: Pretty much what Subaru said. Oh, it’s Emilia, the twin maids, red one and blue one, and a drill loli that clearly isn’t human. Also, Roswaal, but I got that before Subaru. As for his interactions, I really like that Rem and Ram are differentiated, even this early on, and that everyone is going about their own schedules, since they actually have lives outside of tending to Subaru. Roswaal is the only one that doesn’t really get much development, and even he finds a scene or two to talk with Subaru and generally show that there is more going on than we know about.

  Carolyn: At first I didn’t like them at all. They are all very odd with a bizarre manner of speaking and behaving and I couldn’t figure it out. But after the reveals that not everything is exactly what it seems in the castle it started to make more sense and now I’m very interested in finding out what they are actually up to.

    Paul: It's fine as far as world-building goes. I appreciate that they don't dwell too much on the lore, because often those are the least interesting elements of the early set-up of an isekai story, and here we get the impression that the world is much bigger and more conflicted than Subaru fully comprehends.

  Joshua: Roswaal is just fabulous. I’ve been watching the series in Japanese, and Koyasu Takehito’s voice alone is a scene stealer. This being my first rewatch of the show in years, I was actually taken aback by how cold Rem was here, and I really appreciated Ram’s dry humor a lot more (like that sly comment about Subaru’s “sorry thing”). I can see the twins talking in unison getting very annoying very fast though, so luckily that was kept to a minimum!

  Thinking about it, Subaru and Emilia are a bit alike, aren’t they? Both have selfless qualities that they try and cover with more selfish pretenses, so I can definitely see why they’ve developed chemistry. While she can seem warm and inviting, that occasional cold glare of Emilia’s is genuinely unsettling though. It makes me wonder what kind of person she really is. Beatrice is precious though. I’d like her to guard my manga collection with that baby cactus attitude of hers!

  Noelle: I think the mansion gives us a little slice of the world at large, but isn’t enough to be overwhelming. We really don’t need to know everything after all, just enough to situate us in the situation that Subaru is currently in. I think it’s a little too early for me to gauge the mansion characters, but they’re all a pretty interesting cast. Roswaal especially. 

  Danni: None of the girls so far seem to match up to how I thought they’d be, or how they come across in all the art of them I’ve seen. I kind of expected a bunch of meek pushovers—particularly Rem and Emilia—but they all have some endearing bite to them. I especially like the antagonistic rapport between Beatrice and Subaru with both of them getting the better of each other. It’s a lot of fun watching this cast interact. 

  Kara: I’m so glad to have some good old-fashioned Koyasu madness back in my anime with Roswaal. Emilia is lovely, but Ram is still my favorite of the girls so far despite everything she seems spring-loaded to do over the course of the show. I can, uh, absolutely see why Rem is such a fave and it doesn’t do much for me. If that makes sense.

    We wrap things up with the gore factor getting ramped up and poor Subaru having to give up an arm and an eye amongst other parts to figure out why he’s going to barf city. Since this was a cliffhanger for our first group of episodes, what’s your initial theory on who this mysterious attacker could have been? (For those of you that aren’t new, if you can remember, tell me what you initially thought of this or just give me your wildest theory possible.)

  David: My first thought was Roswaal. Seems suspicious.

  Austin: I’m in a troublesome spot right now since I remember why he died the first loop and who killed him the second loop, but I don’t remember exactly why they did and it’s bothering me… The first time I watched it I thought Elsa had hired someone to go kill Subaru; not sure if I would have liked it more if that was the case or if what’s really going on remained in place.

  René: The first time watching it to this point, I actually suspected Puck. Since Knox’s 1st Commandment forbids introducing the culprit later on and I couldn’t yet deduct any possible motive for the mansion residents, Puck seemed the most likely. His fondness for and protectiveness of Emilia had already been established and jealousy would’ve made for a possible motive since Subaru started getting closer and closer to Emilia, forcing himself into her life to the point of becoming her servant.

  Kevin: It’s Beatrice. She has the power to connect the library to any door in the mansion, and so can get around without any issues; and clearly has at least enough power to throw someone out of a room without any effort, so more lethal attacks are almost certainly possible. Subaru was also acting very strange in the second mansion loop, as we saw in a couple of cutaways. Since we already know that Roswaal was wondering if he was a spy, that could be enough for him to enlist Beatrice to kill Subaru in his sleep. The first time, Subaru didn’t know to resist, while the second time he fought her magic, so she either used a more lethal attack or enlisted the other mansion staff to assist her. She attacked during the first loop, when Roswaal knew that Subaru was unlikely to be a spy, because of how much he annoyed her. The only way to progress the loop is for Subaru to tell everyone about his power, which calls Beatrice off because she knows at that point that it would be useless to attack him. 

  Carolyn: The first time he died in his sleep he was poisoned, but he was asleep so he didn’t vomit. Whoever did that (I suspect Ram, she claims to be a bad cook but is skilled with the knife so she isn’t that bad and that could be cover for her poisoning his food) poisoned him again the second loop but because he wouldn’t let himself sleep he felt more of the effects of it and vomited. He could also have built up a little bit of a resistance to it the second time around. Either way, I think the results of those two things are the same. I do not think whoever poisoned him killed/dismembered him in the second loop. That was someone different who saw an opportunity and took it. 

    Paul: Unfortunately, this is a detail that was spoiled for me long ago, so although I know who the culprit is, I don't know why they are behaving in such a brutal and murderous manner.

  Joshua: Having already watched the series, I know who, but I genuinely had no idea on my first viewing. Rather than thinking too much about it, back then I just went along with the ride.

  As I can't offer a serious guess though, I’ll just make a joke about whether Rem’s really as good a cook as she claims, and it was just a really bad reaction to off-chicken or something. Feeling really cold, vomiting… sounds like bad food poisoning to me.

  Noelle: I admit, I’m really not sure. It has to be one of the characters introduced so far, it can’t be a random stranger we haven’t seen. The problem is that I can’t quite figure out the killer’s motive. Subaru is seen as suspicious, and it’s been made clear that he hasn’t earned trust just yet, but that doesn’t seem to be a reason to kill him (at the moment). There’s a who but also a why.

  Danni: It’s definitely Ram. I have no idea if it actually is or why I think so, but it’s definitely Ram. 

  Kara: I haven’t got the first clue, but I want it to be Rem just so there can be something about her that interests me.

    Let’s continue our final question tradition with the Rewatch. Give me your highs and lows for episodes 1-5.

  David: High is the conversation between Subaru and Emilia on the bridge. That’s the thesis of the whole show I think. Low point is when Subaru almost died on the last go around of the initial day. I thought he might die and absolutely didn’t want to have to sit through that same day again.

  Austin: One of my favourite scenes in the whole show is when Subaru asks Emilia her name after the fight with Elsa. Something about the delivery of Subaru’s lines and Emilia’s little laugh before her answer makes me feel so bubbly inside. Seeing exactly why Felt gets taken away by Reinhard was also a nice connecting of dots in my head. As for lows, I don’t think I’ve really hit anything notable yet; these first episodes are really strong in my opinion.

  René: My high in these first few episodes is definitely the set-up around the mystery of Emilia posing as Satella in the first loop and the first meet-up between the Subaru with her in the second one. I just adore the shots with them being reflected in each other’s eyes and how it calls into question their perception of each other (I would heavily recommend this interview with the show’s director on this scene—do beware of SPOILERS for later episodes, though).

  And since I can’t think of a low point, I’ll just sneak in a second highlight: Takehito Koyasu’s performance as Roswaal is just deliciously exaggerated. He’s already legendary for voicing Dio Brando but the way he sings every line is just pure joy to listen to.

  Kevin: High - Subaru thinking about how he was going to die the second time, and then realizing that he was going to fight anyway. Myself and many other people joked during the series that Subaru was going to start carrying a bomb or something so that every time he messed anything up, he could just Return by Death to redo any mistake. This is a great moment though, because it both gives a reason why he won’t do that and is also extremely relatable. Even if you knew that you would come back to life, dying isn’t fun, so you’d want to avoid it if at all possible, which is exactly the conclusion that Subaru comes to. 

  Low - Elsa’s final attack. Subaru is clearly moving around, standing up straight, and generally doing a lot of things that use at least a few core muscles, and nothing happens. But when it’s convenient, it turns out that the attack went straight through the club, his clothes, and his stomach, when the club previous stopped all of her attacks and there was nothing supporting Subaru’s track suit or shirt. 

    Carolyn: High points, just the mystery and twists that have been unfolding so far. I like all the suspense around the people at the mansion. Also the line about not knowing what Subaru is talking about but that it’s stupid and that’s disappointing. That was pretty great. Low point, I’m not sure I have one but I could definitely do with more of the cat.

  Paul: My high point was Subaru awakening, noticing the lack of scars on his hands, and realizing he'd somehow died in his sleep and reset the time-line. That was a chef's kiss perfect cliffhanger to end an episode upon. My low point is that it takes Subaru a few lives too many to realize he's resetting from a save point. Anyone who brags about playing video games all day like Subaru does should have picked up on that detail by the third life, tops.

  Joshua: Subaru and Emilia doing aerobics in the garden is a definite high point, that makes me think back to the equally adorable scene with Ema in Shirobako. I also really appreciated how the series even humanises characters like Rom, instead of taking the easy route and making him a one-note shady dealer. Despite his hulking appearance, he genuinely seems like a decent guy who just got the wrong stick (or club) in life. The music is also great—that kind of eerie ringing when disturbing shenanigans are afoot is so effective at capturing the mood, and won’t leave my head.

  As for low points, how many times did we need to see that initial mugging attempt? I liked how the show always found a new absurd comment of Subaru’s for the trio to react to, but I hope the series balances just how many times certain scenarios are reset. Subaru’s exaggerated statements can also be a bit awkward, so I’m glad the rest of the cast react like I do.

  Noelle: High point: the mystery! I want to know why the time loop is happening, what’s the driving force for all of this, why Subaru in particular. We don’t really have any clear answers, and it’s the main point of the story. Tell me the answers! Low point is that Subaru takes a really long time to realize that he’s in a time loop. Isn’t he supposed to be really familiar with games? It makes sense realistically speaking but for a story, it drags a little. 

  Danni: Hard to think of a singular high point because I loved the heck out of this batch of episodes. I guess I gotta go with any time Beatrice is on screen. I love her so much. Low point is tough as well, but I have to give it to Subaru’s immediate acceptance of his new isekai life. 

  Kara: Gotta agree, the high point was Subaru waking up without the scars. That was so well played, and I loved seeing that the audience was being trusted to let the revelation hit us as it hit him. Good visual storytelling, would watch again. Honorable mention to Roswaal’s crazy voice. I thought they were playing it up in Isekai Quartet but no, that’s just how he is. Low point is I’m pretty sure Subaru and Emilia are never gonna go on this date and that makes me sad.

    COUNTERS:

Ram calling Subaru “Barusu”: 10

Subaru death count: 5

Different ways Subaru has died: Disembowelment, Disembowelment, Stabbing, Unknown, Combination (Unknown+Dismemberment)

  And that's everything for this week! Remember that you're always welcome to join us for this rewatch, especially if you haven't watched Re:ZERO -Starting Life in Another World- yet!

  Here's our upcoming schedule!

  -Next week, on September 27th, Kara continues the Rewatch with episodes 6-10

-Then, on October 4th, Carolyn takes us past the halfway mark with episodes 11-15

  Thank you for joining us for the Great Crunchyroll Re:ZERO Rewatch! Have a great weekend, and we'll see you all next time!

    CATCH UP ON THE REWATCH:

Re:ZERO Introduction Questions

  Have anything to say about our thoughts on the episodes watched? Let us know in the comments! Don't forget, we're also accepting questions and comments for next week, so don't be shy and feel free to ask away!

---

Jared Clemons is a writer and podcaster for Seasonal Anime Checkup where he can be found always wanting to talk about Love Live! Sunshine!! or whatever else he's into at the moment. He can be found on Twitter @ragbag.

Do you love writing? Do you love anime? If you have an idea for a features story, pitch it to Crunchyroll Features!

By: news+feed@crunchyroll.com

[linkspooky]

I feel Roma's death was too easy, like how the hell did Urie kill some one who saw humans, and ghouls as bugs, and created the clowns, while knowing about the underground king. When she was dying she didn't give too shit, and said farewell like wtf ? I seriously am confused 😂 I know she might be dead or not, but I just need your honest opinion, since your opinions are cool, and full of facts.

It’s suggested that Roma may have been hungry when she used the Kakuja. Which meant that she used a massive amount of RC Cells to maintain that Kakuja perhaps unnecessarily when she was defeating Urie just as easily with her regular kagune. That and combined with the fact that Urie also took her by surprise when she had written him off for dead might have been the reason why.

It is essentially the same strategy we see Furuta use against Eto. She was implied to be running on a relatively empty tank and used that kakuja as one last burst of power, and once Furuta removed her from it she had limited Rc Cells left to defend herself with. 

It’s one possible explanation at least. 

I believed the question you asked me though was, is it bullshit?

Yeah, pretty much. Even if you accept the explanation for Roma’s sudden weakness, Urie was saved from a bullet shot down from heaven with no prior indication that there was even somebody else watching the fight. 

Ishida could have written god getting pissed off with Furuta and deciding to send a lightning bolt down at that exact moment to strike him down and reduce him to a pile of ashes and it would have had exactly the same amount of setup. Ishida could have written himself into the very manga, appearing out of nowhere and smacking Furuta with a newspaper and it would mean the same in terms of setup and payoff.  Ishida could have... yeah you get my point. 

However, I think the more important question is, does it matter that the fight between Urie and Roma was bullshit? On a thematic level… not necessarily. See under the cut. 

Ishida set up the perfect circumstance where Urie could receive consequences for his claimed want to rebel, and yet at the same time not really wanting to rebel against the system at all and be accepted by it instead. Put in simpler terms, Urie’s flaw has always been from the start that he’s not fighting for what he wants. Thus he makes no true progress towards his goal and suffers all the while. 

As Donato says, Urie tries to make a dream that cannot possibly come true a reality by crushing what’s in front of him. Which is why I think it’s an important distinction that when Urie says this line he’s crushing an enemy he doesn’t necessarily have to fight considering that Amon Koutarou is a former CCG agent who himself doesn’t even want to fight for the sake of ghouls.

Whereas when Saiko says the same line several chapters later, she’s fighting somebody that she has to fight but does not want to. Urie crushes an enemy when he wants to save his friends, whereas Saiko literally has to fight her own friends to save them from themselves.

It says a lot for the both of them where their perceived conflicts lie. For Urie, it’s the entire external world, it’s the enemies her perceives, ghouls, Furuta, the clowns, the unknown outside enemy that took his father. The monstrous ones that his father was justly fighting against.

Let alone the fact that Eto Yoshimura herself was a 14 year old little girl, orphaned probably by Urie’s very same father or one of his colleagues fighting to survive against several full armed fully grown men. 

The way Urie’s mindset is warped by the structure of the CCG, he can’t progress, he can’t be safe unless he crushes the enemy in front of him. Ignore the fact that Urie’s path to strength, is exactly what’s destroying those around him. That participating in the war that Urie thinks he can master is what killed Shirazu in the first place. 

Urie’s conflict is external, and it requires seeing ghouls as enemies without a trace of humanity in them. Something that he must conquer in order to get what he wants, which he thinks initially is a promotion but comes to realize later is the safety of his friends and family around him. 

The way Urie sees it he has no choice but to crush the enemy in front of him. He’s driven essentially by that. 

The question is then, what is Saiko’s source of antagonism? If Urie’s lies in the mere existence of ghouls which he imagines as an enemy he needs to crush to protect his own safety and the safety of those around him does Saiko think the same way?

We know though, that Saiko doesn’t see ghouls that way and doesn’t bear any particular grudges against them.

Remember though, that Saiko ended up fighting Urie. Not some other ghoul like Urie ends up fighting at the end of his participation in each raid arc, but Urie himself. It’s also the only time Saiko’s ever fought where she takes the lead role as opposed to supporting ones such as Nuts, Noro and even Floppy. 

It makes sense that Saiko would end up fighting Urie though, as right now the person who most stands in the way of her growth is Urie himself. The time Saiko tried to spare Amon, Urie is the one who stopped her. 

When Saiko didn’t want to fight Amon after that fact, she had to in order to protect Urie.

Saiko didn’t receive the answers she wanted from Amon, nor did she grow in this opportunity specifically because she had to listen to Urie and keep him alive at the same time. 

This isn’t to criticize Saiko and Urie’s relationship, they have a fantastically close bond of mutual support. At the same time though, this is where the source of Saiko’s antagonism comes from. She cannot act on her own will because it is Urie who stands in her way. Rather, it is her own tendency to act only in a supporting role to those around her, and in turn be supported by them that stops her from acting with confidence on her own.

As it’s put before, Saiko could easily too hold the front line on her own and yet Urie is the de facto leader and the one keeping the remaining Quinx’s together right now.

Saiko can’t have one of the most powerful kagune in the series without some kind of flaw to balance it out and here her’s is. What is the worth of all the power in the world if you don’t have the agency to control it on your own terms? Saiko was sold into the CCG for money, and ever since then her Neet behavior is really an extension of her buying into the belief that she really doesn’t have that agency to act on her own. 

You even see this in the Let’s become terrorists speech. After her outburst, when she’s alone Saiko loses all confidence in herself. It’s only when Urie comes to back her up does she regain the idea that they can do something. 

Urie and Saiko have a genuinely close relationship, but also Urie is still her crutch when her legs are perfectly healed. He’s an excuse for her not to walk on her own. 

This is an Urie post so why did I spend so long talking about Saiko, because we’re going to loop this back to Urie again. As you can see their conflicts, Urie and Saiko’s are extremely opposite and because of that they were always destined to fight one another. The same way that Kaneki’s conflict has always been internal and Amon’s has been external and they somehow manage to keep ending up on opposite side of fight’s even though personally the two boys get along just fine. 

It’s likely that because of their oppoiste facing arcs, this move by Ishida is meant tactically to deliver Urie and Saiko to opposite sides of the conflict. Which is why  the writing seems so… forced at the moment, because Urie thematically has to be shuttled away from Saiko in order to grow. The same way that Saiko needs to be away from Urie in order for herself to grow. 

Finally, back to Urie. Does he still need to grow? His father was the central point of his trauma, and it seems he has solved it in this chapter of finally embracing himself instead of constantly trying to push everything to others. 

It even parallels the scene in which Kaneki does the same at the end of Tokyo Ghoul.

However, that particular scene was not the end of Kaneki’s character arc in any way. The same way that this one is not the end of Urie’s. Even Kaneki’s scene with Hide which in the same way paralleled Urie’s scene with Shirazu was not the end of Kaneki’s character arc in :Re. 

Let’s say that the end goal of both Kaneki and Urie is to be able to form lasting human relationships, and ones that they can healthily end without being abandoned. Ignore the whole rest of the world for a moment, and look at this with the same kind of lens you would with Evangelion. The world itself is just a metaphor for Urie and Kaneki, the cage around the world is the cage around their own hearts. What keeps them from forming new bonds is the cage they built around themselves to protect themselves after past trauma. 

The first step to destroying the cage is to finally look at yourself. This is something Kaneki does at the end of Tokyo Ghoul, and fails. He does again finally in the second Kaneki vs Arima fight. This is something Urie does now and succeeds.  

Then what is the next step? Caring about other people. Urie and Kaneki’s shared problem is their own extreme delusion of self importance, the way they act like the entire world simply exists for them to work out their own issues. With Urie it’s much more obvious, every time he frames out he screams “ME! ME! ME!”

What solves this both times is being reminded that other people are there besides him. Mutsuki relates his pain to Urie’s. Saiko relates her positive feelings to Urie’s. 

Both of those times while Urie was acting like he was the only person in existence who matters, he was save graciously by both Saiko and Mutsuki. The solution then is obvious.

Urie’s step number one is that he needs to realize himself, and he finally did that with Roma. All of this time he had been fighting for all of the wrong reasons, so we finally see him fight with the right reasons in mind. Urie looks honestly at himself and realizes he was merely blaming Kuroiwa and what he wanted to was to protect his own weak heart, and now he feels strong enough to carry the burden himself. 

Realizing what he wants, he fights with his true feelings and his kagune takes the shape of a defender rather than merely an attacker. It’s the same as when Matsumae’s kagune took a similiar shape, the both of them were choosing to fight with feelings instead. 

Feelings are what make you stronger. In admitting she wanted nothing more than to protect Shuu, despite her place of being no more than a servant Matsumae was able to feel strongly enough to develop a strong enough kagune to defeat Hairu and Kijima. 

However, similiarly to Urie right now, she was not able to achieve fully what she wanted because Furuta cut her down a moment later.

Thematically, Matsumae defeated Hairu and Urie defeated Roma because they had stronger feelings behind their fight. Roma was only fighting because of her own way of contemplating the meaningless of life. 

The world and life is meaningless, and therefore no matter how much power Roma builds up for herself she is as equally as meaningless as all of the pieces she likes to play with. 

If she had continued just being an observer, than she might have still lived but the moment that she stepped on stage she sealed her fate. If Roma views all of the participants as meaningless, than she as a participant is essentially meaningless as well. Roma probably knew this and considered it worth the cost if it meant forwarding the world to being at the point of the one eyed king’s revolution once more. 

It’s similiar to the Tatara and Houji fight. Tatara himself knew that his revenge against Houji was meaningless by this point with everybody dying around him. He essentially just wanted it to be over and that’s what he got. The fight concludes itself between Tatara and Houji in the most anticlimactic and least satisfying way possible. There was no meaning to either of their deaths, because revenge is similarly meaningless. 

The reason Tatara excludes Aogiri Tree from the things he is glad to end is because Tatara actually did feel meaning and attachment to the tree, or Eto at least and did not want to admit it until the end. 

Roma didn’t even have that though, no attachment besides her odd little collection of clowns which she started but refused to head or even be prominent inside of. So in the end she gets less than Tatara, or even Noro, no regret to show her out no mention of a last name just a simple goodbye as she realizes it’s time for her to exit stage left. 

So Tatara and Roma failed to even realize themselves or what they wanted. They failed step one of existentialism and died. Urie and Kaneki pass step one and move onto step two. What is step two?

That other people exist besides yourself. 

Urie succeeds in the scene and came to a great revelation about himself, but he didn’t get what he really wanted. He had two goals, if he could defeat Roma in time then he would be able to save Kuroiwa. 

He succeeds on the first and fails on the second. Similiar to Matsumae, it’s Furuta who cuts down Urie’s strength of feelings, and very easily at that. Why is that?

It’s because even while finding perfect cognizance of himself, Urie truly fails to comprehend the world around him. The reason Urie wants to save Kuroiwa is because Urie himself does not want to be abandoned again and cannot bear to lose Kuroiwa after becoming finally attached to him.

Urie still perceives Shirazu’s sacrifice, specifically as Shirazu leaving him. 

While he wants to be strong enough to hold the burden for others, that’s only half of the equation. 

As Saiko said already, Urie has already become strong. Really, becoming strong enough to hold his own burdens was not the entire lesson that Urie needed to learn, as he had that strength within him all along. All this time he’s been supporting the team on his own shoulders.

However at the same time, that tendency to take on everything and his want to do so is what ends up hurting him as well. Urie saying he’ll be able to take everything this time really isn’t breaking free from that pattern, and thus he isn’t able to save Kuroiwa. 

In a way, according to Urie’s mindset the fight itself should have gone perfectly. There was an enemy ghoul in front of him and an objective he needed to reach to protect that person. He kills the ghoul within the objective time and reaches Kuroiwa, but still finds himself unable to save them?

Why is that?

It’s because Urie’s framework has been broken since the beginning. It’s as Donato says, Urie can’t make his childhood dream of never losing his family again come true simply by smashin through it with brute force. He’s finally been given what he wanted, singlehandedly taken down a ghoul that is roughly on SSS ranked Owl’s level and even surpassed Kuroiwa ultimately in doing so and yet he doesn’t achieve his ultimate goal. It’s because Urie will never achieve that goal simply by smashing down the enemies in front of him. 

He could kill the strongest ghoul of all, he could kill Furuta, he could kill dragon, the conflict itself however is never going to go away simply by becoming individually stronger than it. 

This is also why we see Kaneki as now the strongest ghoul in the series, still constantly worried and anxious about losing his loved ones even though he thought pursuing the path of strength would be exactly what he needs in order to relieve himself of that fear.

Yet we still see him, post Arima revelation, post becoming the one eyed king, still shaking in fear of losing everybody around him. 

No amount of strength in the world is ever going to stop Kaneki from losing the people around him, and the same is for Urie too. Then, how do you solve that?

Well a simpler question is, if Urie and Kaneki want to fix the world because they believe the world is what’s taking other people from them… then isn’t the first step to that understanding the world. 

Urie and Kaneki spent the entirety of their arcs looking inside, and now that they have peered into the shadows as much as physically possible they finally have to start looking out. 

In this chapter we see that. Urie wins the superficial battle, against a powerful ghoul that only he could defeat, but loses the real one of keeping Kuroiwa alive. Yeah, Urie defeated Roma in a bullshit kind of way but ultimately it didn’t matter. Urie was never fighting against Roma to begin with. 

The conflict with Urie lies with himself, and his own perceptions of the world. As long as Urie can’t see clearly, then he’ll just keep endlessly fighting forever, but not gaining anything in the process. 

In a way even though Urie was set up perfectly to die here, making him continue on is almost the worse consequence. At least if Urie had died he would have died believing he did the right thing. On this pathway, even though Urie lives, it’s likely the only thing Urie will be living for is more struggle and conflict as he fails to see the world outside of him. 

His lack of perception is more than just Urie’s unabashed hatred towards ghouls. It’s the lack of understanding towards his own closest friends, his pseudo family. If Urie understood Mutsuki more he would have been succesful in standing up to him. If he understood Shirazu, he would have known that his action was not an abandonment but a sacrifice so that Urie could keep going and been able to mourn rather than hopelessly pine for Shirazu’s return. Etc, etc. For Urie his arc will only end when he actually develops his empathy the same way he does his own strength and self defenses. 

[completelynobody]

12 years ago...Western Frontier

"Fall back! It's too strong!"

Malantor, the apprentice grade wizard of the Order of Mystery, pleaded with his surviving compatriots.

He'd seen the terrible might of the troll, and it frightened him.

His comrades in arms were all now either dead, dying, or wounded in some way.

J'drac, the brave warrior fell first. His mighty greatsword still lodged in the trolls healing shoulder. His head rolled to a stop at the wizard's feet, as his body slumped to the ground more than ten paces away.

Mithrigal, the beautiful elven rogue, sat with her back against a nearby boulder. She frantically clutched at her exposed bowels, trying to tuck them back in. Weeping as her life ebbed away.

Ronsakil Goodbarrow, the Halfling cleric was nowhere to be seen. The troll's surprise attack had cost him the most. The last anyone heard of the cleric, were his cries as he was thrown over the side of the black gorge, disappearing into its dark abyss.

Lem Faso, the bard, was already running. Deep claw rakes in his back were bleeding so profusely, Malantor considered parting ways with him. He was certain the troll would have little difficulty tracking the poor musician and finishing him at his leisure.

Out of options, the troll had turned its attention on the wizard.

Before Malantor, could react, the troll was on him. Closing the distance with preternatural speed.

As it plunged a claw through the wizard's abdomen, Malantor could only marvel at its agility.

The wizard faded running out of breath before he could finish the incantation to his spell.

Minutes passed, and the troll wrenched the head from his prey. As he did something sparkled and caught his eye.

He poked a gore caked claw at the shining bauble in the bloody pool. The meat was adorned around the throat with the item.

The troll liked shiny items, and kept a hoard of them nearby. Meat often came bearing shiny trinkets that he collected after every feast. This item would be no different.

Feast he did.

Hours later, he awoke from his post gorging rest and decided to collect his treasures.

The metal skin the hurtful meat wore, the tiny yellow pieces of metal the pointed female kept in her skin-bag, and of course the shiny trinket the last meat to fall wore around its throat.

He filled his own skin-bag with the tiny yellow metal bits.

He tucked the metal skin under his arm, and bent down to pick up the trinket.

As he did, some of the metal skin was dropped. The troll growled, and picked it back up. He then went to retrieve the shiny trinket.

Again some parts of the skin fell out from under his arm.

In a rage he threw it all back on the ground and considered his dilemma.

An idea came to him. If the meat wore the trinket around its throat, maybe he could as well.

He carefully took the looped part of the trinket, and tried to fit it over his head.

Of course it wouldn't fit. Not wanting to break the fragile looking loop, the troll picked up a large stone.

He proceeded to smash the side of his skull in. With each strike, his head grew a bit more narrow.

Eventually, the loop slid down around his neck.

Suddenly.....

As the trinket fell against his chest, and as it came to a rest, a sort of clarity came over the troll.

The pain in his head bothered him more. He suddenly realized that simply because the pain goes away, and the wounds do heal, it may not be a wise plan to cause himself harm.

He looked at the worthless armor and scoffed.

He then paused.

Armor? Where did that word come from?

Oddly it occurred to him that some of the prey that came through wear armor, yet not all. He wondered at that. He then realized he'd never considered this before.

He went to the remains of the one who was wearing the amulet.

Again, he wondered....

Amulet?

Where were these words coming from?

Not a time to ponder that. He was more interested in why they all didn't protect themselves the same way.

He poked through the unarmored prey's belongings. He found an unusual item. He remembered finding items like this in the past.

Normally, there were bound in skin of some sort, and contained many pieces of parchment with odd little drawings on them. Sometimes though, they too were adorned with the yellow metal.

He remembered taking one from some prey many years ago.

At any rate, he opened the item and looked again at the odd drawings. What were once incomprehensible doodles, now formed thoughts in his mind as he looked at them.

This was a book. He remembered hearing the word once. But this was the first time he drew the connection.

As he read through the book, his mind was tickled by the things contained within. Magics, and rituals. Spells and incantations.

There were also many notes written in the book. Most of the freshest scribblings spoke of yet another book.

A book that, when read, would make the reader brilliant. The troll wasn't positive what brilliant meant, but he knew he wanted to be brilliant.

The book he was reading, also had tales written within, about someone the writer constantly referred to as "Master". From what the troll could gather, this prey didn't much like the master, but he did respect him.

After several hours of reading, the troll learned many things.

Armor was worn by those who used weapons in battle. But those that wielded magic did not.

The troll considered something...Since he could shrug off almost any wound, he didn't really need to wear armor.

So then he would learn magic. He would learn it, and grow powerful.

8 years ago...Subterranean Grotto somewhere in the Dwarven Kingdom.

"Tell me your secrets Rock Druid!"

Morlakash, the Troll Wizard, held the Dwarf by the throat and pressed him hard against a mighty stalactite.

The terrified druid sputtered.

"What do you want? W-w-what secrets are you after?"

The Troll pressed his face close to the dwarf's.

"Tell me of the nodes little prey, or I will suck the marrow from your thick little bones."

The Dwarf's eyes grew even wider. He was astonished at the Troll's mannerisms before, but its knowledge of the existence of the nodes was baffling. Not a single surface dwelling creature knew of their existence. None that would still be alive anyway.

Either this creature was the oldest living thing on the surface of the world, or it had somehow gotten access to secrets so ancient, they were written in the dead languages of the prehistoric giants that once roamed the world.

Whatever the case may be, he was in the clutches of a Troll. A Troll that commanded magics that only a highly skilled wizard could possess. He was in no position to remain evasive.

"The nodes are gateways. They lead to the deepest reaches of the sunless lands. But nobody from our world has journeyed to those depths since...."

The Troll pressed harder.

"Since who?!"

The dwarf shook, clearly unwilling to continue, yet even more unwilling to become this monster's next meal.

"Since the banishing!"

The Troll wizard began to drool. He let his slather wash down the Druid's neck and chest, soaking his garments.

"Explain!"

The druid wept.

"A thousand generations ago, there was a civil war among the elves. The insurrection was put down, and the losers were brought to us. Their punishment was banishment to the deep. So the elders of my order activated a node, and sent the banished, and their families into the darkness below. But something went wrong. Too many went through and the node's power was completely exhausted. We lost the power to travel below. So our elders sealed off the node and struck all records of its location from our histories. Their hope was that if left alone long enough, it may eventually regain some of its power."

The monster withdrew slightly.

"And where is this hidden node? How is it sealed?"

The druid lost any color he had left.

"I-I don't know. I'm not even supposed to know what I've already told you."

The Troll simply quirked a brow and opened his jaws wide.

As it leaned forward, the dwarven druid smelled the acrid breath, and heard the horrid hiss.

"I may know where another one is!"

The Troll stopped, and the druid could swear he saw it smile.

"Go on.", the Troll croaked.

"According to my research, there are other nodes. Possibly hundreds. But their locations are secrets lost to time. I do think there may be one within reach to someone dedicated to reaching it."

"I'm growing impatient. Less story...more location, or I will be forced to engage in laceration."

The druid stopped.

"A mountain to the north. I'm almost certain there's a node there. I've not been able to investigate it myself though. Too many goblinoids. And their damned king has them far more organized than anyone can believe."

The Troll nodded.

"You have been most helpful."

It then proceeded to plunge its talon through the dwarf's abdomen. It scissored its claws up wards and clutched the lungs and heart of the gasping druid. With a squeeze, the air was forced out and the heart's rhythm was ceased. Death followed quickly.

It allowed the corpse to fall to the cavern floor with a plop. And without giving it a second glance, Morlakash cast the necessary rote to teleport away.

4 years ago...The Goblin-Hold

Morlakash stood before the throne of the Goblin King. He couldn't determine the nature of the creature seated so casually on the throne. Whatever it was, it was sealed from brow to toe in blackened full plate, with a bucket helm. All he saw through the slit in the visor were two gleaming yellow eyes. More points of light, than actual pupils though. His scent was nothing the Troll could place either...yet for some reason it seemed familiar.

"Majesty, I humbly request more...support. The Orcs you placed in my command have all been spent. Mostly due to their own intemperance, or stupidity. As yet, my search has been fruitless. But I am confident that very soon I will find what we seek. The power of the node is within our grasp."

The Goblin King nonchalantly rolled a cannon ball in the palm of his gauntleted hand as he silently contemplated the Troll-wizard's request. After several long minutes, a voice that seemed to radiate from the creature rather than be spoken, and, to the troll sounded like a whisper echoed out from a deep cave, answered.

"You have lost many of my devoted in search of this fabled node. And yet, you unapologetically return, time after time, to beg me for more. My minions grow weary of being relegated as fodder for your endless pursuit. I will grant you ten more followers troll. But know this, if you fail to find what it is you seek, do not return to my court again. What's more, if you prove to have sent my followers to their doom in vane, I will hunt you to the farthest reaches of this world. Your acid bleached bones will decorate my lair, and your treasures will be spent on human whores for the pleasures of my most loyal minions."

He squeezed the cannon ball and it began to melt in his grip.

"Do we understand each other?"

Morlakash nodded, and bowed reverently.

"We understand each other perfectly majesty. I offer you a thousand thanks for your gracious patronage thus far. And I wish you a million times more power than the vast kingdom you already possess."

An echoed laughter radiated from the King.

"Not if I depopulate the one I already have by commanding them to follow you. Now go. Bring me back results."

The Goblin King motioned to a group of Orcs leaning together and laughing gutterally at their own crude humors. At once they came to attention and fell into rank behind the Troll. The entire group were dismissed with a wave of his fingers.

2 years ago.... Somewhere deep beneath the Goblin-hold

"Morlakash! We've found something up ahead. You won't believe it, but it seems to be...."

The Troll-Wizard grabbed the Gnoll scout by the throat and squeezed.

"It seems to be what?!"

The Gnoll struggled free and caught its breath. It rubbed its throat as it answered with contempt.

"It seems to be a city."

The Troll scoffed.

"Impossible. The only sentient creatures down here were banished several thousand years ago. They'd be long dead by now. Not thriving in this sunless place."

The Gnoll growled. Then shoved a spyglass into the Troll's chest.

"See for yourself! You may be the smartest Troll ever, but you're still a fool!"

Morlakash calmly peered through the lenses and growled to himself. As he scanned the site-line, he considered the best order in which to consume this troublesome scout's internal organs. He suddenly saw it.

Despite the incredibility of it, there was most certainly a city there.

Walled, and fortified, same as any surface city. However, the architecture was adapted for this subterranean locale.

Above the city proper, a huge stalactite was obviously excavated, and converted into a formidable looking fortress. This is where Morlakash guessed the city's seat of power resided.

He lowered the spyglass and spoke swiftly to the scout.

"Take a party back through the node, and tell the King what we've found. "

The Gnoll rubbed his claws together.

"A siege? I love a siege."

Morlakash gruffly responded.

"Go! Now! We don't move without the King's knowledge, or support."

The Gnoll scampered off, followed by a few of its brethren, and several goblins.

Meanwhile, Morlakash summoned his other lieutenants.

"We dig in here and maintain a low profile, advance position. If and when the Goblin-King decides we move on that settlement we will be the vanguard. Success or failure will depend on what information we may gather."

--------------

[forlornmelody]

Spare Parts Chapter 24 -- The Fall

Rating: M/E (See below for notes)

Ship: FemShep Clone/Maya Brooks, FemShep Clone/Asari OC

AO3 Links: First Chapter. // This Chapter.

FF.net Links: First Chapter. //  This Chapter.

Summary:  Cerberus wants Shepard’s clone dead. Hope Lillium wants the clone to replace Shepard. The reapers want to exterminate her along with the rest of the galaxy. No one asks what the clone wants–and even she isn’t sure if she has the right to ask. But she asks that question every day.

Notes: While this chapter is safe for all platforms, previous chapters have different versions. (The extended, explicit cut is hosted on AO3.)

Falling from the Normandy, the Clone feels weightless, the Citadel surface rushing to meet her, the endless blaring of her implants, and the pain in her ears. It takes her longer to meet the ground than she expects. Her chest aches--heavier than the rest of her body. Maybe it’s the air resistance, maybe it’s the disappointment in Maya’s face as she walked away. Finally, finally, the Clone sees clearly, for the first time. She only wishes she had seen it sooner.

 “I know you’re not Shepard.” The voice calls from seemingly everywhere and nowhere at once.

The Clone freezes just past the airlock. She spins around, just in time to see the door’s green light turn red. “The hell--?”

Maya rolls her eyes. “Somehow the Alliance kept Cerberus’s old A.I.”

“Not for long.” The Clone slams the elevator open, heading for the A.I. Core. Strangely, it doesn’t try to stop her.

“You know you can’t shut me off without shutting down the Normandy.”

The Clone walks through the medical bay, ignoring the A.I. until she’s standing in front of its mainframe. “I won’t have to.” She opens her omni-tool, bypassing the security system, creating a feedback loop.

“Commander, what are you doing?” The petite, ebony-skinned woman eyes her from the bulkhead, just past the door. Who the hell is this?

“Just who do you think you are?” The Clone rears on her and is about to push her against the wall when she sees the woman’s gaze drop to her chest. Aha.

“Ma’am...as the Normandy’s Com Specialist, I really don’t think it’s a good idea to--”

“Are you questioning my command, Com Specialist?” She narrows her eyes, leaning so close she can almost kiss her.

The Com Specialist reddens, and her breathing quickens. “N-no, not at all.” This is all too easy.

The Clone eyes her lips slowly, making sure she notices. She turns her head, leaning to whisper in her ear. “I see you eyeing me like a piece of meat.” Jerking back, she snarls. “Get off my ship.”

“Sorry?”

“Dishonorable discharge.” The Clone practically spits, watching as the other woman’s eyes widen. “Conduct unbecoming. Now go before I throw you off myself.”

 The A.I. wasn’t the only one to see through her. All the night’s practicing Shepard’s tone and cadence. All the mornings spent mimicking her gait and her gestures. All the afternoons memorizing Shepard’s story. All of it and she’s still just a fucking copy. A mistake. Maya knew better, even as the operative tried to convince herself otherwise.

 Maya presses the Clone against the bulkhead, also pressing her lips against hers. The Clone kisses back, but her mind keeps wandering. This cabin doesn’t feel like their room back on Pragia. Even as she slides a hand down Maya’s chest, her partner notices her tension.

“What is it now?” Maya groans, tightening her grip.

The Clone pulls back. “This doesn’t feel right.”

Maya frowns. “What doesn’t?”

The Clone gestures around, shaking her head. “This--room. It doesn’t feel like it’s mine. Even now.”

“Then make it yours.” Brooks practically snarls as she marches over to Shep--the dead woman’s desk, sweeping all her mugs and books into the trash can beneath. The Clone jumps at the noise. Then Brooks moves to the hamster cage and raises her hand.

“Wait!”

“What?” Brooks snaps. Maybe it’s her time under cover. Maybe it’s the strain of constantly changing their plans--The Clone hasn’t seen Maya this angry since they left Hayeiana.

The Clone steps between her and the hamster. “I’ll take care of it.”  Brooks looks like she’s about ready to throw her into the trash--so she raises her voice and stands up straighter. “You clear out that display case.”

While Maya is busy, the Clone escorts the hamster and its cage to the CIC herself, setting gently it on top of the trash bin. She appropriates one of the former Commander’s datapads and writes a note.

Please send this to an animal shelter for proper disposal as a warship is not an appropriate place for a pet.

 And how exactly is a six-month year old clone supposed to compete with a legend? She didn’t grow up on the streets of Vancouver. She didn’t lose her entire squad to thresher maws on Akuze. She certainly didn’t save the galaxy from an indoctrinated Spectre and his army of Geth heretics. She never died.

What was it like? Dying? How long did Jane Shepard suffocate above Alchera before her heart and mind finally quit? Did time stretch out for her like it’s stretching for her Clone? Did the pain even register after two years spent in nothing?

 The Normandy takes off, and not a moment too soon. With that com specialist running loose, it’s only a matter of time before the Alliance finds them out. Hopefully, with Earth saved, they won’t care who exactly is flying the Normandy anymore.

Stopping in front of the flight map, the Clone rests her hands on the rails. Maya stops next to her, folding her arms expectantly. Where to now? She’s about to set the coordinates for Earth when yet another person interrupts her.

“Ma’am, just before takeoff, Normandy registered a perimeter access alert. One of the security hatches.”

Damnit. “Her.” Why won’t she stay dead? “Where?”

“Unknown. When we shut down the A.I. we disabled a lot of security systems. Shepard could be anywhere on the ship.”

The Clone spins around, jabbing a finger into the merc’s chest. “Shepard is standing right in front of you. Are we clear?”

Maya hops down from the nav panel, a daring smile on her face. “It’s better this way. Wouldn’t you rather take her down yourself?” She eyes her as she passes by, as if to say. Deliver on what you promised me.

“Armory. Find her! Slow her down.” She moves to the elevator, first to the cabin to grab some unused armor, and then to the shuttle bay to plan her next trap.

 Did it hurt coming back? Is Shepard even the same person after death and resurrection? The Clone supposes it doesn’t matter. Nobody’s going to spend a single credit bringing her back. Not when they can just make another clone.

 The elevator opens, and the Clone hears three pairs of footsteps. Her implants label them as belonging to a pair of humans and a krogan. Shepard’s nothing if predictable.

Stepping out from behind a stack of crates the Clone meets the original for the third time.

“Well, that’s creepy.” Shepard raises her gun, narrows her eyes, and fires.

Diving behind a different stack, the Clone fires back. “You want to stop shooting up my ship?

“It’s not your ship.” Shepard snaps.

“It will be. I’ve taken your name, your Spectre rank, even your fingerprints.”

“And then you left me to die. Only I didn’t. “ Shepard closes in. “You think fake fingerprints are going to fool the Council? Or Hacket??” The Clone sneaks around the other side, looking to stab her in the back. “How’s that big plan looking now?”

The Clone strikes. Shepard catches her in a bind just before her blade can make contact. Damnit. Commando training didn’t cover swordplay. Apparently, neither did N7. They push at each other, each throwing in their equal strength into the bind, only to stumble backward when their blades protest.

Brooks provides cover while the Clone distances herself from Shepard. “Hatchett squad to the shuttle bay.”

 Did Shepard want to live when she was dying over Alchera? If she was given the choice--the Clone knows absolutely that Cerberus did not offer Shepard a choice--would Shepard choose to live again? With the way her and Alenko look at each other, maybe she would.

The Clone wonders what it would be like if Maya looked at her like that. The way Dreya would if she had lived long enough.

 The Clone is starting to run low on medigel. She takes breaks to restore her shields before charging Shepard again. Just when she’s flaring up, the Normandy swerves, knocking her into yet another pile of crates. Landing on the ground, and bracing herself against the stack, she opens her com directly to the pilot. “What the hell is going on up there? Get us out of the nebula and jump to FTL”

“Can’t.” The pilot grumbles in answer.  “A skycar keeps blocking our path.” For fuck’s sake.

“Then shoot it.”

The pilot doesn’t answer, and the Normandy ducks and weaves several more times, without jumping.

“Dammit.” The Clone practically shouts.  “Launch the shuttle and blow that thing out of the sky!”

 The Clone knew it was over the moment Maya walked away. Until then, she had always secretly hoped Maya, Rasa, Hope, whoever she was, would change. That somewhere in that polished exterior of hers, she had a heart still beating. Maybe Cerberus replaces the hearts of their operatives with batteries. Though, with the way Leng talked, Rasa never had one.

Shepard knocks her to the floor and they roll to the edge. Before the Clone can cant her hips, Shepard socks her in the face twice. The Clone feels those punches all the way down to her shoulders. She sees stars as she kicks Shepard off. Everything spins around her--is it her head or is it the Normandy?  Maybe it’s both. The Normandy swerves, and they both slip to the edge.

The Clone holds on for dear life. “Look at you. What makes you so damn special?” She snarls.  “Why you and not me?”

“Hang on!” Right on cue, Shepard’s squad carefully makes their way to the ramp to pull Shepard back. Wrex holds onto Kaidan’s ankles as he crawls to the edge to take Shepard’s hand.

“We got you!” Kaidan pulls her up, and Wrex pulls them both back into the safety of the shuttle bay.  

Shepard laughs.  “Thanks.”

The Clone looks for Brooks, and she’s standing in the distance, barely visible in the shadows. She shakes her head and turns away. Something inside the Clone breaks--like the explosion of a star. She’s out in space--without any gravity to hold her in.

Wrex says something, but the Clone doesn’t hear it. There’s no sound in a vacuum.

Shepard kneels, smiling at the Clone since the first time they met. “Here. Take my hand.”

There’s no oxygen in a vacuum either. The Clone can barely spit her words out. “And then?”

Shepard gapes at her as she waves her hand. Take my hand, dumbass-- she seems to say. “And then you live!”

“For what?” And the Clone lets go.