#not out of fear of being hurt. but because he doesn’t trust them. I’d even say he’s plainly disinterested in attachments.

[howlsofbloodhounds]

I personally think the fear of abandonment fandom often portrays killer with is massively overexaggerated compared to his canon.

Idk I feel like people make that his driving motivation way too much—when it only becomes relevant if he can actually form some type of emotional attachment (or in a case of someone like nightmare who has power over him, a fear of being deemed useless and discarded—which is tied to his sense of survival and not exactly because of an emotional attachment.)

Which he struggles to do in Stage 2, and doesn’t seem interested in doing—except, possibly, if there’s something to gain out of it.

[holylulusworld]

Gap Filler (3)

Summary: Lack of communication leads to fallout.

Pairing: Walter Marshall x fem!Reader

Warnings: angst, Walter being a douche, break-up, mentions of break-ups, amends, angry reader, unplanned pregnancy, mentions of calling someone daddy (nothing happens)

A/N: A short drabble to the miniseries.

Gap Filler (2)

“Baby? Y/N? Please open the door. The cactus is an aggressive beast. It tries to poke holes into my chest. The orchid, well, it won’t make it if it stays with me. You know I’m not good with soft things.”

Walter listens closely, hoping you’ll open the door and let him explain things to you.

“Go away,” you growl on the other side of the door. “I don’t want you anywhere near me!”

He sighs deeply. “Y/N, I know I fucked up big time, but please believe me, I love you. Rachel doesn’t mean anything to me. I lied to hurt you.” He sniffs. “I know it was stupid and selfish of me. It’s just… a woman left me for a job before.”

“Do not use your broken heart crap to excuse that you broke my heart!” You kick the door and curse his name. “Now get off my lawn.”

Walter chuckles. “Uh—your doormat is green, but I don’t think it counts as a lawn.” He comments as you throw insults at him. “Please open the door,” Walter whispers now. “Your neighbor is about to call the cops.”

“You’re a cop too,” you bite back. “Get your badge out and tell them to get fucked! "Annoying assholes!”

“Baby, open the door,” he murmurs your name, pleading with you to let him in. “Do not make me raise my voice.”

You snort. “As if you’d dare to raise your voice, Marshall. I’d love to see you try, fucker!”

“Stop swearing so much in front of our baby!” He tuts. “I can still kick the door open.”

“I don’t think so,” you snort. “It’s a reinforced door. Good luck breaking your back, old man!”

“Old man?” Walter hiccups. “Last time, you called me daddy because of the gray in my beard.”

“Marshall!” You rip the door open to size Walter up. “What are you talking about? That’s not true. I’d never call you that.” Wrinkling your nose, you huff. “That’s just ewww…”

He smirks as you realize your mistake. “Hah, it worked.” Before you can close the door, he stands in the door frame, keeping you from shutting the door again. “Y/N, please talk to me. I won’t go away, and it’s your fault if the poor plants die.”

You glance at the cactus pressed to his chest and the poor orchid he’s about to strangle. “Fine, give me the plants, but you can go home.”

Snatching the orchid out of his hands, you keep an eye on Walter.

“Baby, please let’s talk. I don’t want to go home knowing I lost you forever only because I was a fool,” he murmurs your pet name and gives you puppy dog eyes.

“No, this won’t work on me any longer. You hurt me to feel better.” You angrily wipe your eyes. “You told me you want to be with Rachel because you knew this is my worst fear coming true. How could I ever trust you again, or believe that you love me, Walter?

Walter drops his head and nods. “I used your fear against you. This is unforgivable.” He feels like the worst person ever as you look at him with teary eyes. “I let my hurt pride and feelings get the best out of me.”

“That’s no excuse for abandoning and hurting me. I admitted years ago that I’m scared of losing you to Rachel if she ever comes back. And you,” you growl at him, “used it against me.”

He nods slowly. “I knew the moment your luck was more important to me than mine that I was in love with you. When I got to know that they offered a better position to you, my worst fear came true. I couldn’t bear hearing you say that you will leave me.”

“Even if I’d have considered taking the position—” you sniffle. “Do you honestly believe I would have left you? I would have asked you to come with me, if possible. If not, I’d declined their offer.”

Walter stares at you, eyes filled with unshed tears. You have never seen him cry before. Not in all the years you know him.

“Fine, close the door and give me that cactus before you kill it for real…”

Tags in reblog.

[gauntletgirlie]

So, I have a confession to make. Long post to follow, sorry.

Anyone who follows my blog knows I post the thirstiest bullshit, alright, and I love it but…

… there’s a part of me that doesn’t agree with the sexualisation sometimes. I’ve often wondered if my brain just works in different ways to other people’s, maybe I have some aroace in me yearning to come forth? But there are a lot of ships that sprung up from TROP where I have nothing against them at all, I firmly stand on ship and let ship, but what they were founded on I did not interpret as sexy or romantic.

For example, Adar is shipped with all and sundry and it’s brilliant and peak comedy at times, fuelled by Sam Hazeldine’s fantastic chemistry with his co-stars. But there are certain scenes where I get why they were interpreted that way, but I also think a lot can be missed by jumping to sex/romance.

One instance is Adar telling Elrond he has the beauty of his forebear Melian. In modern society, a man calling another man beautiful probably is flirting, since men (generalisation) struggle to compliment each other apparently without feeling the need to caveat “no homo”. But in the context of Tolkien’s world and even medieval norms, that wasn’t the case. If anything, Adar is showing off his knowledge and also baiting Elrond by asking if he’s as wise as Melian.

Also take the scene where Adar chokes Elrond to get Nenya from around his neck. Often interpreted as kinky (which is valid). Sometimes choking is just violence though. Adar needed to get Nenya and overpower Elrond. He’s in the middle of a literal battle. Maybe I’ve watched too much true crime and seen the effects of countless domestic abuse cases, but choking can just be violent and violently intended. Probably a boring and obvious take, but that’s how I perceived it when I watched.

Does Adar look sexy as hell doing it? I think so but others might not. Could you also see it as Adar flirting with Elrond and ship them together? Of course! Why the hell not! I just sometimes miss the non-romantic aspects of analysis and discussion.

Same with Maidar. I totally get where that ship comes from, it makes sense, it has a lot going for it. I also personally adhere to the notion there was no sex or romance between them. I think there was alluring, I think there was admiration, I think there was a codependency, I don’t think it was sexual or romantic. To me, having your best friend and/or most trusted, loyal follower stab you in the back would hurt more than a lover. I might be falling back on my own thoughts on how I’d feel and I would personally be more devastated at being betrayed by my closest friend than my husband. I’ve lost friends and I’ve lost loves, the friends hurt more.

Adariel is another one. Again, I think there are strong grounds for that ship and I love so much of the art for it, but a lot of what is interpreted as romantic for me was just tactical manipulation, coupled with genuine admiration on Adar’s part and the fact that Galadriel is beautiful so most people would be attracted to her if we’re being totally honest. Adar used her to get what he wanted. His methods might have included flirtation or creating tension in closeness, but for me, they were all about tactics to defeat Sauron. Galadriel and Nenya were a way for him to do that so he did want he needed to facilitate that.

I’m not even going to touch on Haladriel or Saurondriel because this post is already hella long and my anxiety is already sky high so I’m chickening out.

Sorry this is such a weird random word vomit, it was nerve wracking to write and post, but I just needed space to let this part of me out. I know it’s so contradictory to how I’ve presented myself on here so far, but I felt like if I’m allowed to let the thirst flow, I should be allowed to let this version of me out as well.

I’m literally this:

Guess which one gets fed more? 😂

Fear not, folks, I will resume my thirsty bullshit forthwith.

[scoops-aboy86]

wc: 647 | Rating: T | CW: mentions of infidelity, technically hurt no comfort because I haven’t written the part where they make up | Additional Tags: future fic, famous Eddie Munson, past Steddie

Okay, look. The tv was on in the background, and Ross and Rachel were breaking up, and this happened in my head. I’m posting it for Fuck It Friday because fuck it. The only thing getting me through life right now is cough drops.

part 2

Hell of a Time at the Wake

“Yeah, haven’t had a drink or touched any drugs in five years, as of last month.”

“Oh wow, so that’s from before Corroded Coffin made it big.” The interviewer chuckles. “Usually it’s the fame and rehab that come first.”

“I prefer to think of myself more as regionally notorious, but sure. Never did the rehab thing, though.”

“Well, what’s the story there?”

Behind their frontman, the rest of the band shares a look. “Oh, we don't need to—” 

“Nah, Jeff, it’s okay man.” Eddie waves them off, then turns back to the interviewer. “Back before we hit the road to make a name for ourselves, I was seeing someone back home. I mean, the someone. The one. But we kept having this same… not really a fight, just this thing: I wanted to leave town, they didn’t. And then finally we had this huge blowout about it that started as something else and somehow turned into that again, which turned into both of us storming off. They went home, and I went out and got completely shitfaced, and in the morning I woke up with someone whose name I didn’t even know in bed with me.”

The interviewer winces. 

“Yeah. And when you do something shitty like that, it’s going to come out sooner or later. Or pretty much immediately, in this case, which.” Eddie grimaces and shrugs. “Well, it gave us something else to fight about, that’s for sure. I knew I’d fucked up bad, but it took hours of back and forth before I realized that we were done done. Trust completely obliterated, no way to come back or move on from that, just… over.”

There’s a pause where he stares off into space for a moment, stuck on a memory. Then he shakes himself and refocuses. 

“Anyway, at some point during my doomed attempt to salvage things, I swore I’d never have another drink ever again. Which, the being drunk of it all wasn’t really the problem, so saying that didn’t buy me anything, but… even after it ended, I didn’t. I’d been so fucked up that night, and it wasn’t the booze so much as the fear of it being over that made me a one man self-fulfilling prophecy—but I hurt someone I loved more than anything, and I never wanted let myself get that fucking stupid again, so. I haven’t. And honestly, I sleep better knowing that.”

“Wow.” The interviewer is staring at him, stunned. Probably doesn’t get a lot of this sort of thing, not just because of all the wild rockstars and other celebrities that come on the show with stories about trashed hotel rooms and wild parties, but because Eddie is being honest. 

It’s not something he talks about… ever, really. Not even with the guys. But, after five years, it doesn’t hurt the same. It’s not even for St—

It’s not for his ex anymore, if it ever was. 

“Why would it be weird?” Gareth is saying. “We have a built in DD, that’s always great. And Eddie doesn’t give us shit for anything, he’s just honest when we ask if anything was too out of hand. It’s a good reality check.”

“And like,” Doug adds, “he’ll still come out with us to clubs and shit to hang out. But if he says he doesn’t want to drive us to a bar it’s not some passive aggressive or superiority thing because we drink and he doesn’t; he’d really just rather fuck off and do something else.”

“Gee, thanks,” Eddie says dryly, but he’s smirking. 

Doug flashes him finger guns, the fucking dork. “You’re welcome, asshole.”

And the interview moves on. These guys have been Eddie’s friends even longer than they’ve been his bandmates, and the four of them are solid. If the gossip vultures out there want something to pick at, they’ll have to find a different target. 

part 2

Permanent tag list (ask to be added/removed):

@hotluncheddie @hiei-harringtonmunson @sofadofax @hickeysgodcomplex @oatmilk-vampire

@wheneverfeasible @hamiltonswiftie @grtwdsmwhr @yesdangerpls @theseaofdespair

And then someone shows Steve the interview and he asks Robin for Eddie’s number, and they talk for the first time in years and end up falling back in love, but that’s the hard to write part so this is what you get. Xoxo

[imababblekat]

Bayverse TmnT X Trans-man Reader; HC's

Anon Request," I don't know if you do TMNT Bayverse boys with a trans-man!reader so if you don't, I'm sorry and feel free to delete this ask: How would the boys react when their S/O discovers in the middle of their relationship that they don't feel like a girl anymore and realizes that they prefer to be called a man but is scared to tell them for fear of the turtles hating them and break up with them. S/O is scared that they're going to call them a freak and a weirdo for it; even though at times they forget that they're dating a mutant turtle."

◉Story Notes: trans male reader, very brief mention of terf(just the word), s/o referred to as they before coming out to turt bf, he/him with (s/o) is the turt's now bf for clarification, hurt with comfort

~xXx~

Leonardo:

He senses from the gecko that something is different about his s/o, it’s an energy thing is what he tells them later on

Leo won’t bring up this strange feeling he has about his s/o till he starts noticing how they started acting almost distant with him

Like they’re hiding something and it concerns him more than anything, because what if it’s something serious? Like they’re secretly in danger?

Leo will sit them down with their favorite drink, somewhere private and let them know that he’s concerned for them, and while they have absolutely every right to not say anything to him, he just wants them to know he hopes they’re okay and that they can trust him

His s/o confessing that they’re trans, was not at all what he thought was going on, but he’s so incredibly happy they felt they could come out to him

However, Leo does feel kind of sad that his s/o had been worried this whole time because of him(s/o) being a transman might effect their relationship

When he(s/o) explains this to Leo, said turtle is quick to reassure him(s/o), stating he’d love him(s/o) no matter how he(d/o) identified, because if anyone knew that there was more to the world than the physical, it’s definitely Leonardo

Raphael:

His s/o’s stiffened return to his hug is what tips Raph off that something is going on

Did he do something wrong? Oh god, he hopes you’re not becoming repulsed by him

After a few more instance of his s/o acting strange, Raph pretty much puts his foot down and ask what’s going on

His s/o is thrown for a loop when he ask if he did something wrong, or if there’s something wrong with him, and it almost makes them laugh

They’re quick to explain, albeit scared, that no, nothing is wrong with Raph, and that in fact, they’re worried that he’ll think something is wrong with them

Poor lover boy is so confused till they confess how they feel like a man more than a girl, and Raph just kind of sits there like. . .ok??

His s/o is still his s/o, and he’ll love him(s/o) regardless of how he(s/o) identifies, so why would he(s/o) be worried what he thinks?

It’s not that he finds his s/o coming out as a transman is bad or anything, he just doesn’t see the big deal till he(s/o) goes on to explain to the large turtle that the reason he(s/o) was so scared to say anything is because of how terribly the trans community has been treated

Raph gets quickly understands then, and even though his s/o being trans doesn’t make a big difference to him, he of all the turtle brothers knows what it’s like to be treated horribly just because you don’t quote on quote fit in

He’ll reassure his boyfriend that coming out doesn’t change anything for him, Raphael still loves him(s/o) wholeheartedly, if anything's changed it’s that he added terfs to his list of “People I’d Punch On Site”

Donatello:

Donnie is so perceptive about things, especially concerning his s/o

He’s the fastest to notice a change in them and ponders if he should outright ask his s/o if everything's okay, or wait for them to come to him

Donnie will test the waters with his s/o responses to any forward actions he takes before deciding this is a matter of them needing to want to come to him, in which case he’ll spend so much time making them comfortable with non-verbal gestures to feel they can confide in him

It takes a while, but Donnie is a patient turtle; if he can spend a week plus on a single project, he can wait an eternity for his love

Eventually they do come to him, in the middle of the night while he’s typing away at his laptop, and his s/o feels their heart flutter when Donnie is fast to stop his work just for them

It helps encourage them in confessing that they no longer feel like a girl, but a man instead, which is terrifying to tell Donnie

Why? Because the man is a literally scientific genius if not prodigy, and bigots love to use science to demean the trans community

So imagine how surprised his s/o is when he simply smiles and gently reminds his s/o that he’s(s/o) dating a mutant ninja turtle

Donnie gets his s/o to laugh the anxiety away by jokingly stating that the most normal part of their relationship is his s/o coming out as trans

Seriously though, he like his brothers love his s/o no matter what, and he’ll spend the rest of the night showing his s/o why being trans is actually scientifically plausible so that if anyone tries to say something to him(s/o), well he’s got his genius partner to back him(s/o) up

Michelangelo:

Mikey is by far the quickest to find out his s/o is trans; his welcoming personality makes it easy for his s/o to make up their mind on telling him

Ofcourse that doesn’t mean it’s still all that easy, it’s a very serious topic and Mikey tends to be anything but serious

Except for when he picks up on his s/o’s sudden odd behavior around him

He’s so good at letting them know how worried he is, and it nearly breaks their heart that he was so concerned for them

When they do confess that they’re a trans man, a stiff silence fills the room as Mikey stares that them, thinking. . .

It’s got his s/o quickly regretting saying anything, dreading the moment their sunshine would ultimately break up with him(s/o), when Mikey dumbly comments

“So like. . .the robots?”

He's(s/o) left sputtering, on one hand he(s/o) wants to laugh at the pun on the other he(s/o) wants to slap Mikey on the arm

Mikey laughs for them both, quickly pulling his s/o in for a hug and a big smooch, feeling over the moon for being the one his s/o chose to come out to, knowing how big of a moment this is for him(s/o)

His s/o is still a little peeved at his joke, but can’t help to smile because he(s/o) can always count on Mikey to help wash away any fears he(s/o) may have

Not to mention, but Mikey is also the biggest hype man for his transman s/o, if anyone can make someone feel themselves in the best of ways, it’s definitely Mikey and he’s 100% going to make sure his s/o loves being him(s/o) self

~xXx~

[chaosduckies]

Could we get a part 2 of Birds of a Feather?

Oh yeah of course! Can never have too much parental g/t! Decided to have a sick tiny because why not? (Also fluff) so I hope you like it! And I’m so sorry that it took so long to answer- I re-wrote this too many times to count but figured this was the best one!

Word Count: 3.6k

Cw: None!

Birds of a Feather (2)

It had only been a week since Gabriel found out about Lizzie and I. I would say that it’s been interesting. Lizzie goes out more often, and it seems like the house isn’t as quiet anymore. It did kind of help with the anxiety a little bit. I never really liked the silence. Just meant that I couldn’t tell where humans would be.

Now? When Gabriel is home Lizzie always tries to bother him with questions and if she could be held or picked up. She was still just a kid but I didn’t trust Gabriel. That’s why anytime he gave us food I still checked it for poison even though some part of me doubted that he would poison us. What were the chances of that ever happening? I also will never let him hold me. Never. Not even touch me. I always just ran away, hid, or grabbed my needle as fast as I could. That didn’t mean he stopped trying or asking, though he did say he would respect my personal space. It’s just… how was I supposed to trust a human after hiding from them my entire life? It didn’t seem easy to just blindly trust one after all of this time. Sure, he gives us food and all of that, but that doesn’t mean I’d just put my life in his hands! Literally! 

Today was a snowy day. It was cold in the house, meaning that the walls were even colder. Normally I would have just borrowed some cloth, but since Gabriel knew about us I couldn’t do that. I was too afraid he’d just be mad. There was no telling what he would do to me! I shuddered just at the thought. As long as it’s not my sister…

Lizzie couldn’t wait for Gabriel to wake up so she could go with him. She always tried to convince me to get out. To really do anything now that we were free to walk around without the fear of being noticed, but again, she didn’t know how terrifying it was to now be out in the open. How could she know? She was too young to ever go out borrowing so she didn’t know how scary it was. Though I should probably teach her sometime soon. Not today though. I felt sick all over. My head felt hot, I was coughing, my body felt weak, I could barely keep my eyes open. I haven’t been this sick in a few years. 

I still forced myself to go out and borrow a few things. Like at least try to get a few more “blankets” for us. Lizzie said she would ask but I told her no. I can take care of us on my own. I don’t need help from a human. Even if it hurts just to move. 

Lizzie hadn’t caught on that I was sick, or at least I think she hasn’t, which was good because then she would’ve definitely told Gabriel. The last thing I needed was for him to find out. Who knows what he might do? He might take his chance to finally kill me, or even just get rid of the both of us now that I could barely move. Not like he could do that already though. 

I cautiously watched as Lizzie ran over to the living room, where Gabriel was. Lizzie never seemed to be scared for some reason. What goes through her mind when she’s “playing” with him? Gabriel too! I was surprised that he hasn’t hurt her. Not even once. The entire situation was strange to me, but as I watched from afar, I kind of found myself wanting the same attention that Lizzie had. Gabriel actually seemed happy that she came to keep him company instead of annoyed. Every story I heard with humans always ended up with us dying, but this? It was entirely new. Even if Gabriel seemed like a murderer and was so intimidating, he hadn’t done anything to hurt either of us. It was so much more different here, and I had no idea why Gabriel was different, not that I was complaining. It actually made my borrowing trips easier. He left cabinets slightly open for me, left food out in case whatever he gave us wasn’t enough, or if we didn’t like it. Everything was so much easier, but I didn’t want to entirely rely on him for help. I can take care of both of us. I have been for a while now so what’s a few more years? 

I gripped the hook in my hand, weakly limping over to the side of the counter. I was craving crackers for some odd reason, and there was no way in heck that I was going to ask Gabriel to get me it. No matter how sick and weak I felt. I threw my hook up onto the side of the counter, my muscles already feeling strained. I know you’re supposed to rest when you’re sick, but I couldn't. I have my sister to care for and right now my main focus is getting something to keep her warm and maybe those crackers that I was craving. She was already complaining last night that it was cold and I couldn’t do anything about it at the time. 

With a few tugs to make sure that it was secure, I started climbing, my muscles straining under the pressure and my head spinning a little bit. When I reached the top, I took a few seconds to catch my breath. I rested a hand over my burning forehead. Of course I had a fever. A bad one by the looks of it. My eyes didn’t even want to stay open anymore. I didn’t know how I would get back down, but I’ll figure it out when I get there. 

I sniffled, rubbing my eyes before walking around the counter in search of an unused piece of cloth or just something until I could find an actual blanket. I would kill for a nap right now, but maybe whenever I get back. That seemed like the safer decision. This sickness will pass eventually. I just felt absolutely horrible right now. 

There wasn’t much to be offered on the counter today. Except for the extremely tempting crackers that were sitting in a basket like usual. Since Gabriel was home, I had to be extra quiet, but I could already tell that the plastic would give me a hard time. Just another borrowing trip… it’s not like you haven’t borrowed from him before. Of course I did get caught and the events that happened afterwards left me in complete shock, but that wouldn’t happen again. Hopefully. Maybe. 

I trudged over to the basket, struggling to pull one that was hanging off the side. I looked over to see that Gabriel was still busy entertaining my sister. I should have plenty of time to get this, right? Obviously he would know that it was me who stole it but I just had to keep thinking that he wouldn’t do anything to me. I mean, he probably does care about Lizzie more than me. Since she actually spends time with him… But I just can’t see how. He’s not our parent, and I couldn’t just accept the fact that he’s actually helping us. There has to be some trick right? He’s just building up to gain our trust and make our lives more miserable. Well I wasn’t going to let that happen. 

As I started to take out some pieces, feeling selfish for not being able to find something for Lizzie but I was hungry. I didn’t bother to eat last night since I had already felt bad before this morning, but I wasn’t expecting to feel so weak and sick when I woke up. I just sighed, coughing a little bit before sitting down and still struggling to take out a piece of the peanut butter crackers I usually don’t like to eat. 

Suddenly I heard someone getting up, and out of my instincts, I hurried to take out a piece and hid behind the basket, clutching the cracker to my chest and having trouble breathing. My head already felt dizzy and my arms weak but I could get out of this just fine, right? I could barely keep myself on my feet for any longer but it was only a few more minutes until I could go home. I could just use my hook to.. My hook. Where was it? I glanced back at where I came from and there it was, still hanging on the side of the counter. Panic surged through me as I stepped to go and grab it, but it was already too late. 

A shadow loomed overhead, observing my hook and turning directly towards the crackers I was stealing. He was going to get so mad at me. I was going to die. Where was Lizzie then if he was coming over here? I hadn’t heard for a while. Did he already… No. He wouldn’t, right? There was no way. I winced at the thoughts, struggling to stay as quiet as possible. 

“...Andrew? Is that you little guy?” I didn’t even have enough energy to be angry at the new nickname. But I was more mortified by the fact that he already knew it was me. Of course he did. I was the only one who could’ve been climbing up here if he was with Lizzie, not that she even knew how to climb yet. 

I sucked in a shaky breath, almost tripping over my own two feet when I came out of my hiding spot. I had no idea what he would do if I didn’t listen. I was trembling and tried to hide it but of course I did a terrible job at that. I looked down at my hands, quickly hiding the piece of food that I stole behind my back. I closed my eyes shut and hung my head in hopes that he wouldn’t hurt me. That all he would do is take my food away. I’d just have to try and find something else to eat then, but the fear crept slowly throughout my body. 

“Are you okay? You look sick, kid.”  He asked concernedly to my surprise, not even acknowledging the fact that I was very obviously borrowing things from him. I didn’t feel okay actually. Everything in my body just felt off. I could think straight but not at the same time? I somehow felt cold and hot all over and had coughing fits every now and then. I don’t think that’s okay but there was no way I’d be admitting that. 

I nodded my head, getting a little light-headed from the simple movement. He quirked an eyebrow up like he didn’t believe me and sighed, leaning against the counter. I took a few shaky steps back, eyes wide and ready for whatever punishment I was about to receive, “So you’re up here taking my food again?” A slight smile on his face but I just jumped and held out the piece I was hiding, “I-I’ll put it b-back. I’m sorry.” I apologized. 

I had expected him to say yes to putting it back, but to my shock he just shook his head, “No, you can have the entire thing if you want.” He started, moving the package closer to me. I flinched a little, cursing myself for showing that I was scared. Of course he already knew that though with how I reacted to him noticing that I was taking some food. Nothing would happen though, right? He’d just leave me alone now and go back to my sister, right? Just grab whatever he needed from here, and leave me the heck alone. I was practically pleading for that outcome at this point. 

Gabriel studied me for a bit longer, a suspicious look on his face, “Are you lying about not being sick kid?” He asked again. Could I even lie to a person like him? If I said yes, who knows what would happen? It was hard to tell if it would be a good or bad outcome. I couldn’t tell. I sucked in a sharp breath, nearly coughing from the air hitting the back of my throat. If I said no he’d just keep asking, but all I’d have to do was escape by then, right? I would feel better in a few days anyways. Maybe. 

 I shook my head, trying to calm my racing heart as he lifted himself off of his arms. I nervously started messing with my hands, trying not to show him just how terrifying he was looming over me. Everything just seemed so much more terrifying when you’re sick for some reason. I felt smaller, more insecure, vulnerable under his gaze. 

“You’re a terrible liar.” He sighed, hand slowly reaching for me. I didn’t even register that he was going to grab me before his fingers were nearly halfway wrapped around my skinny frame. I scrambled backwards, tripping over my own two hands several times while trying to grab my needle, but of course I forgot to grab it before I went borrowing. Great going me! Before I could get up and run, I was picked up in a fist. I kicked and pushed at the fingers, struggling so much and already feeling tired after just a tiny bit. I hate being sick. I was too weak to get myself out of this situation, I forgot my only weapon, and the worst part about this is that I quite literally sank into the warmth his hand provided. I mean, this was just because I was sick, right? I wouldn’t have done this if I were in my right mind. No way. I would’ve fought back and climbed back down to the safety of my cold… lonely home. 

I pushed and kicked as much as I could, trying my hardest not to stay comfy even though my eyes felt so heavy and my body was warmed up within seconds, “Let me go!” Tears started forming in my eyes, trying not to think about what could happen to me. Before I could kick away his fingers one last time, his thumb gently, yet firmly, was placed over my face. That’s all it took. Just one simple movement. I could be dead right now. I started crying softly, barely hearing the words that came out of his mouth, “Calm down little guy. You’re gonna make yourself even more sick.” And I obeyed. He practically already threatened me, and it’s not like I could speak either. I hated the new nickname, I hated being this helpless, and I hated just how much I wanted him to keep me in his hands so I could be warm. No! That’s so stupid. Why would I want that? It’s just the sickness talking… 

Soon enough we were moving, his thumb moved away from my face as I stared up at him with wide eyes, red and puffy from the tears that were still falling. I tried to wipe them away as much as I could until I felt myself being moved. I was no longer in a fist and I wasn’t moving anymore. I staggered backwards as much as I could before hitting his fingers and flinching, covering my head with my arms, “I-I’m s-s-sorry.” My voice barely came out as a whisper, and I doubt Gabriel even heard it. 

“Kid, I'm just trying to help you feel better. Here.” He handed me one of the crackers I was going to eat. I looked up, feeling a little too weak after all of that adrenaline to even move. It felt like my head was throbbing and my muscles screamed to stop moving. And honestly, after all of this, I wasn’t even hungry anymore despite the fact that I haven’t eaten for some time. I shook my head, getting light headed once again. Everything in my body begged me to just lay down and close my eyes, but there was no way that I would be doing that. I’m not trusting him even for one bit. Lizzie might- Wait. Lizzie? 

My eyes searched frantically for her, the extra adrenaline making it possible to move my limbs again as I looked over his hand, spotting her lying underneath a piece of cloth and asleep. She… fell asleep? Around him? Did she really trust him that much? Well, I guess it made sense. She’s spent more time with him than I have, but I still think that all of this is just a trick… Oh who am I kidding? He’s genuinely a nice person. I’m so sick and tired of always being on edge and barely being able to stay alive. I’m tired of struggling just to get basic living needs. Gabriel was offering all of that and so much more and I can’t just accept the fact that he’s just trying to help, no matter how afraid I was, I think I would just have to trust him in this. That none of this was a trick and that he’s genuinely trying to help us stay alive. 

“You have to eat something. You’re not going to get better otherwise.” He gestured to the food again. I shook my head again, wincing and holding my head from the throbbing pain. I nearly fell over hadn’t his fingers been there to support me. His eyes softened, slowly bringing me closer to him, but at this point I could care less. I felt so much worse than before even climbing up onto the countertop. To know all of this would happen in just one week. Getting found, then getting sick and being forced to be taken care of by a human. I didn’t even have enough energy to care anymore. 

“Okay, I’ll be right back, stay there.” He ordered before tilting his hand slowly onto the couch. I let out a yelp of surprise before hitting the cushiony surface right next to Lizzie. Stay here? Where was he going? Was he going to leave me alone? Just abandon me? I couldn’t stop the tears that formed. What did I care if he left me? I would be just fine on my own… Right? I could barely even move my limbs anymore from thinking I could just go borrow with barely any problems. Turns out all I ended up facing were problems. I didn’t want to be left alone either.

I turned back to my sister, wiping away the loose tears as I heard Gabriel coming back. For some odd reason I was actually happy that he came back, though I couldn’t help but struggle to move myself backwards. He just stared at me a little shocked, “I had really expected you to try and escape.” He sighed, slowly sitting back down and moving something in his hands. It looked to be some sort of cloth, though what could he need it for? 

“Well here, if you’re not going to eat then you could get some rest. I’m sure you're exhausted if you can barely even hold yourself up.” He dumped the cloth in front of me. For… me? I cautiously reached out, pulling the soft piece towards me. So warm… I snuggled close, but didn’t lay down. I could stay up… I didn’t need sleep. I needed to go home and rest. Even if it would  be so much colder there than staying out here. 

Gabriel sighed, his hands covering his face like he was frustrated with me, “If you needed help why not come to me?” I scrambled backwards, pulling the cloth over my entire body. Was he mad at me for it? Was he going to hurt me because I didn’t ask for help? My chest tightened at the thoughts, closing my eyes shut as I waited to be lifted off from the ground in one sweep, but when it didn’t come I sheepishly peeked my head out. 

“I didn’t mean to sound so angry, I promise I’m not,” He started, sighing, “Listen, you’re what? Thirteen, fourteen? You’re just a kid. You should be having fun and playing with your little sister. Not struggling to survive and get food everyday.” His eyes softened, turning towards me. I bit the bottom of my lip. But how else was I supposed to live? My sister and I would’ve died countless times had I not been the one struggling. Heck, there were even times when I thought I wouldn’t make it. Getting caught in a spider web, nearly getting trapped in a rat trap, tangled on my rope. I had to grow up if I was going to live. It’s not like I wanted to. 

“I-I had to if I was going to live. I d-didn’t want to die.” I looked down, hoping that he would get it. I wonder what life would’ve been like if our parents hadn’t died. They would’ve taught me so many more things before I was so abruptly forced to go borrowing. I could’ve still been a kid, maybe just barely moving out, but at least I’d know what I was doing! I’m terrible at borrowing! 

Gabriel nodded his head, “That’s understandable,” He turned his head and smiled down at me, “Now just get some rest. I’ll take care of you and your sister, don’t worry about it.” I nodded my head, wrapping the blanket even more around me as I coughed, groaning from how scratchy my throat felt. I forced myself to lay down, wincing from the simple movements. 

I really didn’t have any other choice. I was too tired to stay awake, too weak to move, too sick to do anything but hope that I was trusting the right person. He would take care of us. I wouldn’t have to fight for survival anymore. I could actually be happy again. That was all I could really ask for.  ——————

I had a lot of fun writing this and I’m hoping to get back to writing my main stories soon! Since I will be having a break soon and can finally edit all the things I’ve written-

I have no idea if I’ll be doing a part 3, but if you want one please let me know! Thank you for the ask anon!

Taglist: @da3dm

If you would like to be added please let me know!

[narrynukezankielover]

I love that in this scene (ep 9) Dean once again defends Cas to Ezekiel/Gadriel. Ezekiel/Gadriel asking Dean what he’s going to do about Cas being around them and Dean gets pissed off. He says that Cas is the one that the angels are after and yet he’s fighting. He wonders what Ezekiel/Gadriel is afraid of. Cas has been on earth for like 6 years and I’m happy to see him understanding human things. He could tell that every time Sam brought up Cas leaving the bunker Dean changed the subject and Cas waited until he was alone with Dean to ask him about that. He understands that Dean changing the subject meant there was something Dean didn’t want to talk about with Sam in the room. Back in season 4 Cas wouldn’t have understood that and probably would’ve said something at the wrong time. Then the fact that Cas knew that Dean is in a tough situation and even though he wants to be around Dean he knew he had to listen to Dean.

I’m pretty much just adding this part because Cas looks amazing. I don’t like that he’s being tortured and that he has blood on him but I love seeing him half naked. I will say there was soooo many missed opportunities with human Cas. I would’ve loved to seen Dean teaching Cas to cook or to shave or even something stupid like tieing his shoelaces. In my opinion they didn’t think this storyline completely out. There’s a few things that happened that don’t make sense. Like how did that angel (April I think her name was) find Cas since he had the tattoo?

In ep 9 Dean tells Cas they have to stay away from each other and at the end of that ep Cas says he should stay away from Dean and the very next ep (ep 10) Dean calls Cas for help and Cas comes right away. I would love to know what happened to Cas tie. He obviously magics up his suit and trench coat considering when he got out of purgatory he was still wearing the clothes he got from the mental hospital then when he came out of the bathroom he had his suit on so where is his tie now? I also love how Dean is looking at Cas here. He obviously loves looking at Cas in his suit (the ep where Cas gets out of purgatory proves that) and Cas is letting Dean look.

This scene is hilarious. There’s an angel, a human and the king of hell and the human takes over. It’s Cas car (I’d love to know how Cas learned to drive) yet Dean just goes directly to the drivers side and tells Crowley to get in the back which he listens to Dean (at that point Crowley is handcuffed so he doesn’t have powers) and tells Cas to get in the back with Crowley and Cas listens to him. Cas and Dean will literally do anything the other asks them to do. Another cute thing I noticed Crowley said to Cas riddle me this boy wonder. Riddle me this is what the Riddler says and he is a villain so obviously Crowley is calling himself a villain (he’s the king of hell obviously he’s a villain) but Dean is in the scene and Jensen has voiced Batman a few times. Boy wonder is Robin which is Batmans sidekick so Crowley is calling Cas Deans sidekick.

Dean finally apologizes to Cas for not telling him about Gadriel possessing Sam snd kicking Cas out of the bunker and I love that Cas completely understood what was going on and that Dean really thought Sams life was in danger. This scene also had my second favourite quote so far in the show Dean says we’re dumbasses and Cas says I prefer the word trusting less dumb less ass.

This scene is interesting. Pretty much since Cas and Dean have known each other Dean says whatever he wants to to Cas without any fear that Cas will hurt him because he knows he’s the one person Cas won’t hurt. Cas gets pissed off when he finds out the angel possessing Sam is Gadriel and that Gadriel is the reason for all the bad stuff that has happened to earth and Dean clearly knows that Cas is pissed off because he puts his hands up. To me he is showing Cas that he knows that Cas is an extremely strong angel even with his stolen grace (at this point at least) and can kill anyone if he wants to and right now Cas wants to kill Gadriel but Dean knows he has to calm Cas down so they can get Gadriel out of Sam.

To me (ep11) this shows how much Dean trusts Cas. Crowley is trying to look at the journal but Dean pulls it away from him. Back in season 8 Cas was picking through Deans stuff and looking through the journal and Dean didn’t care. Even in the scene when Naomi comes to Dean and Dean says he doesn’t trust angels which means I don’t trust you. Obviously that scene was about Dean not putting the signs on the boat so Cas would be able to come back to him but it does show Cas is the exception to that rule. Plus in the ep before this Dean was willing to let Cas possess Sam to get Gadriel out. He knows how much trouble letting Gadriel possess Sam made but Cas is the one angel he trusts would get Gadriel out and wouldn’t hurt Sam in the process.

I love that here Cas is trying to defend Dean to Sam. I don’t think Sam understands that Dean lied to Cas too but Cas got over it.

I love how honest Cas is. He’s always been truthful about how much he doesn’t like Sam. Cas has said that he doesn’t like the sound of Sams voice and other such things. I found it interesting that Cas said that before he became human he would’ve pushed the needle into Sams neck and killed him because the ends always justifies the means but now that he’s had human emotions he no longer feels that way. I find it interesting because even before Cas was human Cas would never do something like that to Dean. He didn’t need human emotions to feel like that for Dean. I personally don’t see Cas and Sam as friends I see them as putting up with each other for Dean. I do think that them spending that time together did help them not to become friends but to understand each other better and be able to be around each other if Deans not around.

[twig-tea]

Love in the Big City TV Series Episodes 5 & 6: Kylie Once Again Recontextualizes Everything

Thanks as always to @lurkingshan and @bengiyo for the wrangling and discussion questions!

I already wrote about the relationship between Gyu-Ho and Yeong in this part, so I wanted to focus on something else for book club. And after working on the timeline in the series, I decided to revisit my meta for Part 3 of the novel, in which I wrote about how Kylie recontextualizes everything that came before we knew about her. I’d like to do the same here for the series while reflecting on the differences.  Knowing when his mother died, the T-aras being present through the whole story, and starting the story after Kylie are the three big changes that I think worked really well in this adaptation, and all of these changes mean that the revelation about Kylie in episodes 5-6 hit a little differently than in the book. 

[screenshot from this post by @how-to-be-a-tree]

With the revelation in this part that Yeong went to the military a few months before the T-aras, we now know that Yeong had recently contracted HIV just before the series began.The hints in episode 1 that he was struggling (hadn’t been going to class, doing odd jobs and asking for the extra clothes) make more sense. It also recontextualizes the aggressive kiss in the club where he kissed that stranger so hard he bled. This also means that, unlike in the novel, he meets and befriends Mi Ae after he was already diagnosed, and since he tells Gyu-Ho that he’s the only one Yeong’s ever told, we know he never told Mi Ae either. Watching them hold each other’s hands as they whisper their secrets in the dark takes a new sad tint to it knowing that Yeong could not trust her with his deepest shame.

[screenshot from this post by @maletimbe]

I wonder if part of his strong reaction to her outing him to Jun Ho was because he had been wanting to tell her, and it was painful knowing he could never trust her with that secret. I wonder if that’s why he doesn’t go to the T-aras after his fight with Mi Ae, but goes to Nam Gyu instead, because he wouldn’t be able to explain to the T-aras why he was so hurt, and on some level the T-aras have already rejected that part of him so he can’t trust them with that vulnerability. 

I wonder if sending the T-aras off at Karaoke reminded him of Kylie and is part of what pushed him to break up with Nam Gyu. After his fallout with Mi Ae, when Yeoung is telling Nam Gyu to find someone braver than him, I wonder if he was thinking about Kylie.

When he goes to Nam Gyu’s funeral and asks how he died, I am pretty sure just by the way that scene was performed that he was thinking about Kylie and wondering whether he killed him–and it makes that revelation hit double-hard, that Nam Gyu was killed in a car accident speeding, because it just reinforced his worst fear: he had gotten Nam Gyu killed, just not in the way he thought. [I don’t actually hold Yeong accountable for Nam Gyu’s decision to speed, but I can imagine Yeong took it that way]. 

I wonder if Yeong was attracted to Yeong Su partially because of the way he tries to help his mother, who is an addict–there’s something in the way social stigma against addicts and poz folks is similar (partially because needle sharing is a way to contract HIV), and how acceptance of those states of being can often come together. I wonder if that's why he could take Yeong Su's more heteronormative kdrama lead style romance when it irritated him in Nam Gyu.

In any case, Yeong having HIV through that relationship and hiding it from Yeong Su makes his reading of Yeong Su’s article about the  immorality of being gay hit even harder. I also think about how irregular his schedule was then, and how bad he was at taking his medication regularly and on time. And knowing that there are restrictions to travel and to moving places, I wonder if part of his rage at Yeong Su moving to America was about knowing that even if Yeong Su had asked, he could not have joined him (you can travel to the USA with HIV but it can be difficult to get a green card). Honestly he was probably too hit with the betrayal and callous rejection to do that full calculus in his head in that moment but I wanted an excuse to use this gif because watching Yeoung punch Yeong Su is good for the spirit:

It also recontextualizes the scenes with his mother, and how much she cared about appearances and judgment, and how she contextualized her own disease as a punishment from God, so how could he not do the same about his own? When overdoses on pills, and his mother tells him not to be in a rush to die, I wonder if the hospital successfully did not disclose his HIV status to her during that period.

Seeing the T-aras there and so worried about him must have been healing even if they still don’t know about this major part of him; he knows they love and care for him and want him alive. Yeong not telling the T-aras about his application to the company because he’s afraid of being rejected for his HIV status tells me that he still hasn’t told the T-aras about Kylie through Part 3; I’m not sure he ever will. But there are people in our lives who we love and who love us in return who we keep secrets from; it means there will always be a level of distance, but it does not mean we aren’t important to each other. 

His mother dying at the beginning of Part 3 is a significant detail that we don’t get in the book, and it made me rethink why Parts 1 and 2 did not mention Kylie at all. In the series, we have Yeong writing Part 1 in episodes 1-2, Part 2 in episodes 3-4, and Part 3 in episodes 5-6. We know he wanted his mother to never know about Kylie, and we know that she followed his literary career and kept copies of his work even if she won’t read them. So it makes sense that he could only write about having HIV and incorporating that into his narrative after her death. I also wonder if Yeong being willing to open up to Gyu-Ho about Kylie has to do with his mother’s death: One of his reasons for keeping the secret so carefully is no longer present.

This isn't recontextualized because by the time we see this we know about Kylie, but how much of Yeong's fixation on Gyu-Ho's silent sleeping and needing to check he's still breathing has to do with his fear that Gyu-Ho still hasn't settled into the relationship and is tip-toeing around him, and how much of it has to do with his fear of giving Gyu-Ho HIV and making him ill? They're barely having sex so it's a pretty irrational fear but that's not how fear works. We know he's thinking about Kylie all the time through this section because he asks Gyu-Ho about how he feels abut Yeong being "dirty" more than once.

One last moment of painful reflection: The first two parts of this series had clear relationship pairings and parallels: Mi Ae and Nam Gyu in Part 1, and Yeong Su and Yeong's mother in Part 2. I was thinking about whether Kylie and Gyu-Ho are our pairing in Part 3, and while I don't think we get enough reflection about Kylie to make this case strongly, I'm struck by how Yeong characterizes Kylie as something he is "stuck with forever", and how he is determined to let Gyu-Ho go.

[anonzentimes]

zen am i just projecting or am i cooking when i say komahina are both soooo incredibly anxiety disorder coded

like i’ll start with nagito bc to me that one’s more obvious. this guy has ocd. holy SHIT nagito has ocd. and it’s completely reasonable for him to have developed it! his luck means that things go wrong for very little reason all the time, he knows the luck has Rules to it, of course he’d develop little “rituals” (read: compulsions) to try to minimize bad luck. plus, frontotemporal dementia often causes symptoms of ocd as well (though i’d argue he very well could have developed the disorder before his diagnosis). nagito is always so convinced that Something Bad is going to happen Because Of Him even if he has nothing to do with the situation. “xyz thing happened earlier so something awful will happen now” that is obsessive-compulsive thinking!!! i just know he counts every step and Has to close doors 8 Times “just in case.” he probably has some form of moral ocd as well considering how convinced he is that he’s a terrible person who isn’t worth anything. oh and of course he doomspirals like no fucking other

as for hajime. i might really be projecting with this one but also i’m Right. generalized anxiety disorder. his primary fear response is fight. hajime is so stressed out about everything all the time and this is why he’s kind of bitchy. he’s Anxious. you see this a lot in the prologue where even before monokuma shows up hajime Is Not Trusting Of This Situation bc what the fuck!!! where is he!! what do you MEAN just enjoy it how did he get here!!! he’s surrounded by strange people on a strange island with a fucking stuffed rabbit and you expect him to NOT freak out??? hello??? he passed out for sure bc his adrenaline response got so intense that his blood pressure got weird and oh down he goes. but it also shows in subtler ways. his thought patterns and constant questioning of things— he overthinks a LOT, from monokuma’s plans to why his classmates are Like That to I Must Be So Normal to his mystery talent to What Is Nagito’s Deal Actually. in the prologue and chapter one, nagito gets hajime to calm down by distracting him— specifically, he teases hajime and riles him up. this gives him a healthy outlet to put that fight response energy into, and thus the anxiety recedes. hajime calls himself a “coward” in nagito’s 5th (? maybe 4th) fte— before i got my gad diagnosis, i thought of myself as being overly sensitive and nervous— hajime, who isn’t very good at deciphering emotions in general (likely due to not being able to talk about them at home but that’s a different story), would probably see his anxiety and identify it as cowardice. he also just… worries. constantly. about everything. whenever a classmate goes missing, whenever nagito goes missing (he proceeds to question WHY he’s worrying with nagito a lot which ties back to the overthinking), whenever anything new happens on the island, etc. mainly though i think hajime’s gad shows in his insecurities. he is deeply afraid of mediocrity, of his best not being enough. i think a lot of his fears stem from the idea of being forgettable or unremarkable— he wants to make an impact on the world, and the thought of dying before he can, whether it be in the killing game or just the rat race of life, horrifies him. but he doesn’t know who he is, he doesn’t know how to make that impact. he’s terrified that he, hajime hinata, is not enough. that he’s boring, unremarkable, destined to be just another salaryman, part of the mob. that’s why he worries about his talent so much, that’s why it hurts so much when nagito starts treating him worse in chapter 4 (someone who was once his biggest source of comfort is now affirming his worst fears), and that’s why he was such a good target for the kamukura project. hpa saw his insecurity and fear and preyed on it. most people wouldn’t sacrifice themselves for some experimental project. but when you’ve fought to get to a place that you pray will be able to make you special, and they tell you “we can make you special, but it will change who you are,” and you Don’t Like who you are because you feel deep down that who you are will never be enough, well. why wouldn’t you take the offer? you get to Be Something. you get to make an impact. who cares if you lose yourself? that guy was boring.

ANYWAYS that got away from me a little bit. i could keep going (like abt hajime’s fight response and nagito’s fawn response) but this ask is long enough lmao. point it they both have undiagnosed anxiety disorders i know it i Know It please tell me you see what i see

Hii!!! Sorry it’s taken me so long to get around to answering this! I was waiting for a good moment to type up a response since I think such a long ask, especially from an oomf, deserves a thought out reply. To be straightforward and simple: yes, absolutely yes! I think the interpretations that Hajime has anxiety disorder and Nagito has ocd is very fitting. I don’t know as much about ocd as I do about anxiety, so I don’t really talk about it in fear that I may be rude or inaccurate, but I definitely so heavily agree every time I see it. As for the anxiety disorder I’m not sure if I really have it but my anxiety is a pain and I am taking supplements and have started taking meds for it recently (fingers crossed those actually do anything helpful), but this is to say that I relate to Hajime a lot in those sort of moments and when you phrase it like that I realize it is probably because of the anxiety he experiences alongside his character beats. For Nagito I can say, “Yeah! Everybody makes such great points about him having Ocd! I really like that interpretation even if I don’t know about it as much,” and then with Hajime it’s like “Yes! This is canon to me I know about this and I say so and relate to him and it fits incredibly well!” :D

also lowkey I’ve been having that weird feeling where I miss them,,, and reading this has made me miss them less so thank you very much hehe I love Hajime and Nagito very much and agree with your points heavily, appreciate you sending this!

[mizzstromalarkey]

Mizzstro’s Memory

-Balan Wonderworld Oneshot-

-

“Run that by me one more time.”

Mizzstro’s words are tense. His short fur stands on end, a glistening platinum white under the stage lights of the otherwise dark theatre.

Balan exhales and gathers himself.

“As Wonderworld’s maestro, it is my role to conduct the memories of inhabitants so that they may rekindle balance within their hearts—“

“Right. Less poise, Balan. I don’t know who you’re trying to impress here.”

“—erm…but…without a proper stage, I’ve yet been able to draw your memories forth…”

Balan then gestures to the stage Mizzstro is lounging back on.

“…That is, until now. I have an idea. A work-around, if you will. Provided you would let me try.” Balan’s wide grin then softens. “I will not force you to do this, Mizzstro, but… you should consider my help.”

The jester beast hunches over his lap with a long sigh. He brushes his claws through the messy bangs of parted fur around his mask. He doesn’t look at Balan.

“You know how I feel about someone digging around in there.”

The maestro’s brow furrows.

“I’m only conducting your memories—guiding you through so I can help determine what ails your heart. I can see them, I suppose, but you will be the star of your own show.”

“Psh, you think I don’t know why I’m like this? I’m the conductor of psycho-analyzing myself, Bal.”

Colorful gem drops appear around him. Mizzstro simply pushes them aside with his tail. The annoying things always get in the way. Balan stiffens at the sight.

“I know you’re hurting, Mizzstro. I can—“

“You can what? Watch from the background as I relive all the shitty things that’ve happened to me?” Mizzstro’s claws dig into the floorboards. “If my issues were as simple as…as getting over a fear of dolphins, or just having goddamn art block then don’t you think I would have told you by now?”

Balan huffs like the beast struck a chord. “You would have never told me regardless because you fear being vulnerable with others.”

“Well, look who’s breaking out their Masters in Psychology. Should I pay that $75 cash or card?”

“Do you use this witty persona to deflect all the negativity surrounding you?”

Mizzstro chokes on his words. In one swift movement he tears into a frustrated shout, flicks his tail with a charge, then teleports across the stage. The green flash blinks through the theatre’s shifting main room. For a moment, rows and rows of empty seats stare back at Mizzstro. He searches the darkness for their lingering image.

With an uneasy sigh, Mizzstro strolls to the edge of the stage then slumps down against the wall.

“…don’t forget to add my recklessly charming personality to the analysis as well, doc.”

Mizzstro chuckles. Balan doesn’t react, much to the jester’s awkward disappointment.

He looks so small, Balan realizes, crouched against the wall with his knees now tucked tightly against him. He grips himself so hard his claws dig into the fur of his upper arms. His tail curls around his ankles, the sharp star tip still poised to strike.

Balan approaches anyway, though gingerly, floating over to little beast. Mizzstro flicks his tail at Balan’s presence but doesn’t stop him from planting down on the floor beside him.

“Putting on the jester hat, hell, the whole mask…and being everyone’s favorite little shithead…sometimes that’s easier. I can control that.”

Mizzstro hurries to wipe the moisture building in his eyes.

“You’re asking me to process things I’m still trying to understand. I’m not even human anymore, Balan.”

Mizzstro’s words hang between them.

“So, I’d rather put back on the costume cause that’s the only way I can get through this shit, even if it hurts just as bad.”

Balan tenses but finds himself nodding slowly.

“I’m glad you trusted me enough to share this, Mizzstro.”

He squirms at Balan’s words but can’t hide a small grin curling.

“Yeah, well… don’t get used to it. Just give me my heart piece therapy badge and I’ll be on my way.”

Balan searches the jester beast’s face. Mizzstro finally turns to look at him, even if just slightly.

“What?”

“Your heart is still imbalanced and missing, I fear. Do you trust me enough to let me help you?”

Balan reaches out for a moment to comfort him before pausing. Mizzstro flinches at the approach—Balan recoiling. Mizzstro shifts and stares back to the ground, his otherwise lively lilac and green eyes glazed over. His tail taps at the ground.

“It’s not…it’s not that I don’t. I just don’t have much of a choice.”

“Without your heart rebalanced, Mizzstro, you may never leave Wonderworld—“

The beast tenses, “—you think I don’t know that, Bal?”

“Please, allow me to help you…” The maestro’s voice strains with desperation, a rare falter of his grace. “I owe it to you to try.”

Mizzstro wipes his eyes again. He can’t cry in front of Balan, not like this.

“If you knew what you were looking for in my head, then you wouldn’t be asking to go digging. You won’t… you won’t see me the same after. I’m not the same.”

Balan floats to the ground.

“I…regret…that Wonderworld has taken your humanity from you.”

Mizzstro stares off, muttering, “Yeah, well, it wouldn’t be the first…”

Balan sinks. Negativity radiates from the false maestro, even as just a glimpse behind the mask.

“The pain you’re in is too much for you to handle alone. If you truly want to leave, let me help you in the best way I know how. I won’t give up trying,” Balan slowly offers his hand out to Mizzstro, “and I won’t let anyone else hurt you.”

Mizzstro’s ears droop. He looks up at Balan’s hand, then to the maestro himself.

“Even if you vandalize the theatre and terrorize Wonderworld,” Balan chuckles. He gives an awkward shrug.

A small smile creeps across the jester’s mask, but its warmth is real. Uncurling himself, he exhales a long, loud sigh, and grabs hold of Balan’s offered hand.

“You’re frustratingly good at this shit, you know that?” Mizzstro chuckles. “Alright. Show me whatever therapy parlor trick you wanna try now.”

[tojiscumdumpster]

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN - TOJI

⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀✧ summary page

Zen’in Chiaki. Sixty-three. Location is in Okinawa, Japan… Reason for kill–tampering of legal documents within the company…

  The more I read this shit, it doesn’t make sense to me. A Zen’in being targeted for fucking with documents? I have no fear when it comes to those fuckers, but I don’t think anyone would be reckless enough to get themselves involved with that family. 

 My time there had me witnessing the most gruesome shit whenever someone tried to interfere with their affairs, so anyone without guts would even try to take them out. Now I’m reading a contract with a sixty-three-year-old woman that’s on their shitlist for tampering? 

 Something’s not adding up, especially when the woman appears to be from that family.

 Zen’in Chiaki? That name doesn’t ring a bell.  Don’t remember my old man having any aunts, and all his siblings are men. Could she be a cousin? A wife? I have no fucking clue. But I need a more detailed reason why she’s being targeted to kill because I just don’t go around sniping old ladies for the hell of it. 

  Is this why Kong was up my ass about taking this contract? Because the person is a Zen’in? Does he think I want to take revenge on those fuckers who abused me and the ones who witnessed it? Maybe if I didn’t have Megumi, I’d find pleasure in this. However, I can’t take that risk and do anything that could possibly fall back on my kid. 

 Just when I was about to close the folder and call Kong to reject this contract, something in her file grabs my attention. 

 Target had relations with several members of the Zen'in Family. 

 “What the fuck…” That’s what this is? They want to kill some broad they all slept with? So she’s definitely someone’s mistress. My guess is she’s not actually from the family and was married into, and probably slept around for money.

 Maybe now they’re not giving her what she wants, she went into tampering, they found out, and now they want to wipe her out.

 That’s the only thing that makes sense. Some shit Kong got me into, but still–why does he want me to take this?  

 Pulling out my burner phone from my locked desk draw, I speed dial Kong to get a clear answer. Because at this point, I’m tired of the vague crap.

 “Fucking pick up. I know you’re not asleep…” I mutter to myself. Most likely the fucker is up and smoking cigarettes yet the line is still ringing. “You got to me kidd–”

 “Oh, fuck yes.” Did this… motherfucker really answer the phone while he’s balls deep in some woman? “Fushiguro–calling so late. Did you miss me?”

 “You couldn’t get your dick together before answering the phone?”

 He deeply sighs followed with a chuckle. “Can’t have my lover waiting for me.”

 “Cut the crap. It’s about the file. Get the girl out the room or go somewhere private you can talk,” I say firmly. 

 “Ah, so you’ve finally read it. You’re going to take it. Yeah?” 

 “Why’d you give me this shit? Who’s Chiaki Zen’in?” 

 I hear him light a cigarette and take a puff. “That’s not my family, Fushiguro. How the hell am I supposed to know?”

 “Because you gave this to me! Now I definitely feel like you’re trying to set me up.” 

 “Fushiguro, get your fucking head out your ass and use your brain for once. What benefit do I get for setting you up?”

 I shrug. “Money.”

 “Like I don’t have plenty. It actually hurts that you don’t trust me as Megumi’s godfather.” Again with the banter because I know Kong loves messing with me. 

 “Fuck off.”

 “And plus, I value my life. You’re a crazy son of a bitch. I know my place.”

 At least he knows. 

 He continues, “Look—I think you should take the contract. It might help you get the answers you’re looking for. You don’t have to kill the lady, but maybe she knows something about what actually happened to your wife.”

 I arched my brow. “And how would she know?”  

 “That’s why you fucking ask, genius. If Naoya overheard them talk, there’s a possibility she could’ve as well,” he says. “If she was a mistress, then they might’ve talked around her without realizing she’s listening. Take the contract, go find her, and get answers.”

 Kong does have a point. 

 Since that Zen’in fuck insinuated my old man had something to do with my late wife’s death, I’ve been losing sleep to do further digging, and have Kong do the same. 

 Asking my father or uncle directly won’t do anything because I know they’ll just lie. And quite frankly, if I ever see them again, I’d probably just beat them both to a pulp. So maybe seeing who this Chiaki Zen’in woman is would help me get the answers I need.

  The convenience of this contract is that it’s due in three months—around the time I’m flying to Tokyo. What an interesting fucking trip this will be.

 “Alright. I’ll take it.”

three weeks later…

 “Y/N, where… are… we?”

  Alright—when Y/N said to take the day off because we’re going on a date, never did I expect for her to take us to a Formula One track race. Especially to a race that I thought was fucking sold out. 

 And the craziness thing is—I never mentioned wanting to go, so how did she know? 

 Is this the fluffy shit they talk about in relationships? Remembering what your partner enjoys to make them happy? Because when it comes to Y/N, I’ll do whatever just to see that pretty smile on her face. 

 Just don’t expect that to happen to me, though. Simply ‘cuz I’ve never experienced it. But since I made Y/N mine a little over a month ago, she’s gotten me used to certain shit. 

 Dates. Skin to skin contact in bed. Fucking self care routine that involves this retinol concoction I still don’t understand but visibly see the difference it does to my face. 

 And to top it off, making videos together where we dress up in coordinating outfits before we go out. All of this shit is foreign to me, yet…it feels damn good. 

 For the first time in a while, life isn’t too bad. Me and Megs are pretty decent, and now my relationship with Y/N. . . I have nothing to complain about. 

 “We’re at a Formula One—” Before she got the chance to respond, I crashed my lips against her to show my fucking appreciation. Her stiff nature shows she’s shocked at my sudden kiss, but she immediately relaxes in my embrace and the moment I grip her ass. 

 Those soft moans always taste the sweetest when we’re out in public, and Y/N must’ve forgot I have a exhibitionism kink. 

 “I know where we’re at, Y/N.” I look into her eyes, hoping my own conveys how I feel at this moment. With how she’s smiling at me, I’m sure it does. 

 She’s so fucking pretty. Don’t think I’ll ever get over that. 

 “Easy, big guy. I see the look in your eyes,” she teases. “We have the whole day together.”

 I kiss her cheek before grabbing her hand to walk toward the stadium. “You’re wearing that tiny ass skirt around me and expect me to behave?”

 “Toji—I could be wearing a cheese suit and you’d still want to fuck me.”

 I throw my head back and chuckle. “Glad you know me, sweets.” 

 She nods with a smile. “I do.”

 “How’d you get these tickets anyways? Tried to get them myself and they fucking sold out in a minute.”

 “Your girl has some connections. Meaning, I know a guy.”

 I raise a brown in concern. “Hope it’s not any exes.”

 “No, baby,” she says through a giggle. “One of my students' older brothers, who I happened to be acquainted with, gave me his tickets.”

 “Willingly?”

 “You should know how charming I could be, Mr. Fushiguro.”

 I shake my head. “Trust me. I know.”

 She wraps her arms around mine and leans against me. “I’m excited, TJ. I’ve never been to a Formula One race before.”

 “They’re pretty cool. Just here to bet some money, though.”

 “Should I be surprised?”

 “Nope,” I responded with an exaggerated pop sound. 

 “Well, I’ll just be the pretty girlfriend who asks a thousand questions.”

 Being with Y/N is starting to feel like second nature to me. Her presence is so damn addicting and I know I’ll never grow tired of it. 

 Almost like if I keep spending time with her, these memories I’ve been having lately will start making sense. The shit is weird, and I don’t believe in anything… but I do believe in Y/N. I believe she’s it for me. And say if we don’t work out. . . Well, I’ll keep trying until we do. 

  Please, don’t leave me. That voice keeps echoing in my head, and I can’t help but think it’s Y/N. 

 I won’t, I respond internally. 

 “. . . Baby, you’re okay?” A soft, concerned voice overlaps my thoughts, reminding me I’m with Y/N.

 “Y-Yeah, my bad, sweets.”

 “You’ve been doing a lot of zoning out lately,” she says, brows slightly dipping. “You sure everything’s okay?”

 “Positive,” I lied, not wanting her to worry. 

 She looks like she doesn’t believe me, but decides to drop it, which I’m grateful for. “Okay,” she replies with a soft smile. 

 Eventually we found our seats just before the race and I find myself itching to place bets with the fuckers around me. Never can pass up an opportunity to make extra cash. 

 “. . . it’s round one of the Formula One season of . . .” The commentator blares throughout the stadium with intros of each racer and all the other shit they say before the race begins. 

 Courtesy of whoever this person gave Y/N the tickets, our seats are pretty damn good. But, of course, the best view of the stadium is my girl sitting next to me. 

 The best view of the stadium is my girl sitting next to me. Wow, how fucking corny did that sound? I’ve been turning into an all time sap ever since I’ve seen Y/N for the first time. It’s not like I give a damn. 

 Told myself I want to be better for her because quite frankly, a fucker like me doesn’t deserve a girl like Y/N. And it’s not like I’m trying to convince myself of it either, but I’m known to be the Zen’in fuck up. The unlovable child. The accident. . . 

 Why don’t you understand that I love you?

 Every time I even think for a second about all the fucked up shit my old man said to me, that familiar voice pops up in my mind. 

 However, I didn’t get a chance to think about it any longer. 

 Y/N’s plush lips were on mine, rewarding me with a kiss that brought me back to reality and rushed arousal to my cock. But still…it managed to be soft…longing…reassuring. . . The kiss put words in my mouth that felt weird for me to say. 

 It’s like she knew I was thinking about some shit that had me internally spiraling, though, rather than asking, she gave me a kiss that dispel any negative thoughts lingering inside of me. 

 “Hi, big guy.” Her voice is filled with tenderness, barely above a whisper when she looks at me with those eyes that say it’s okay. 

 Something I probably need to hear. 

 “So, how much do you usually bet on these games?” she asked, changing the topic from where my mind was. 

 “Depends, but Formula One races are usually filled with rich fuckers, so I bid higher.” 

 “. . . And this is the track we’re racing on today—fifty-eight laps. Three point two-eight miles per lap. . .”

 Thirty minutes later, and the race starts. But honestly, I barely gave a damn about the race or betting since I was more invested in listening to Y/N’s commentary. 

 If it wasn’t her being concerned about the drivers crashing into the mountain of tires, it was her telling me how hot I’d look in the driver’s gear. 

 Her words. Not mine. 

 Whenever I was into the race, yelling at the track like a maniac because I eventually placed bets, she was right there with me—shouting like she placed bets. 

 Where I was serious, she took it as race shit talking. 

 Couldn’t believe this, but I was actually having… fun. 

 Fun. 

 Fuck, that’s another word that feels weird to say. 

 It’s the truth, though. And it’s all because of Y/N. 

 Kind of wish the kid was here with us, but I haven’t grown balls big enough to tell him I’m with his reading teacher. Seeing how my mood is with  her, if I had him here, too, I knew I would be the cheesiest motherfucker in the world. 

 “Toji, be honest,” she starts, dragging me from my thoughts. “Do you actually ever win your bets?”

 “Fuck no.” And something about my answer had Y/N bursting into a fit of laughter. “Damn, didn’t know me losing money was that funny to you.” I acted like I was offended, but she knows I wasn’t. 

 “Because the driver we're rooting for is losing, baby.” 

 I shrugged. “Nothing wrong with an underdog.”

 “It is when you’re not profiting off the underdog in question,” she argues.

 “Fair point.”

 She sighs before standing up. “All this yelling has me needing the restroom, and I’m hungry. I’ll be right back.” She gets up, purposely stopping to where her ass levels with my face, and I know the exact shit she’s trying to pull. 

 “Okay, Y/N,” I simply say. 

 She giggles. “You want anything, babe?”

 I shook my head, but pulled out cash to give to Y/N before slapping her ass, earning a yelp and pervert, from her while watching her walk away. 

 Definitely fucking her when we get back home. 

 This day couldn’t get any better. From the bullshit at work to this contract Kong finally got me to sign weeks ago, I didn’t realize how much I needed a day of me and Y/N. 

 Seeing how our conversations have been lately, she probably knew something was up with me, which technically, there is. 

 Just haven’t had the chance to tell her. 

 Don’t know if I will.  

 I mean, how exactly do I fucking bring up my family possibly had something to do with my wife’s death, and I’m taking a contract to find out more? Not happening. 

 Can’t have her thinking I’m full of shit and been lying to her the entire time. Can’t risk Y/N freaking out and potentially calling the cops. Can’t risk…

 Losing her. 

 It’ll be a cold day in hell before I let that happen. Yeah, I talk down on myself and say how much I don’t deserve Y/N. But I’m a selfish son of a bitch. 

 Even when I know I shouldn’t have something (or in this case, someone) I’ll take it anyway. That’s just who I am. 

 A buzzing sound in my pocket gets on my fucking nerves and several missed calls and text messages from Kong. 

 

And besides, I didn’t feel the damn vibration until now. 

“What the…”  

 Here’s here. Here’s here. 

 Here’s here. Here’s here.

 Here’s here. Here’s here.

 I waste no time speed dialing Kong and maneuvering out the crowd to somewhere I can what the fuck is he talking about. 

 “Finally—”

 “Speak,” I cut him off after he answered the phone. “Now.” 

 “I’m at the bar near the condo I’m renting and some geezer comes up to me and tells me to give you his regards,” Kong explains. “I’m wondering who the fuck is he. Then, I realized he reminds me of someone. You, Fushiguro.”

 This has to  be some kind of sick twisted joke. 

 The kind I don’t find fucking funny. 

 Twenty years. I have seen that bastard in over twenty years, and somehow he reappears in the city I came to start a new life in. Of all places. 

 The first person that comes to mind is that Zen’in brat that was adamant about having to do shit when that family, and now all of a sudden my old man is fucking here. That little shit is his eyes. I knew I couldn’t trust that motherfucker for a reason. 

 Pissed isn’t even the word to describe how I feel. I’m furious. My blood burns with rage and at this moment, if anyone even looks at me wrong, I’ll bash their face in picturing my old man. 

 You unlovable child. 

 Your mother should’ve aborted you. 

 Go in the street and die. Like I care. 

 You’re useless. You’re useless. You’re useless. You’re useless. You’re useless. You’re useless. You’re useless. You’re useless. You’re useless. You’re useless. You’re— 

 “Fushiguro!” Kong yells. “Are you fucking listening?”

 No. 

 And it’s not like I can right now. 

 “Text me what you said. I have to go.” I hang up and throw my phone back in my pocket. I need to go. Now. I need to find—

 “Y/N.” 

 Shit, my head was so far up my ass, I forgot she went to the bathroom and concession stand. 

 I peek over to find our empty seats, leaving me to believe Y/N hasn’t come back yet. So my next move was to rush near the restrooms, asking different women who’s coming out did they see a beautiful, dark skin woman with the additional description I gave them.

 Some answered no, and others were too busy ogling like I would a fuck about their attention. 

 The concession stands were next, and it’s not helping that there’s damn near hundreds of them on this floor alone. 

 I know Y/N is fine. Probably just waiting in line to buy food. It’s just… I can’t be here right now. My lungs have grown tighter and it’s been harder to breathe since Kong told me about my old man being here. 

 I’m forty-two. It’s been a little over two decades. Shouldn’t be triggered by this shit anymore. I’ve forgotten. I don’t care. But that little weak boy inside of me is dripping out and reminding me that I’m still… not okay. 

 Maybe ‘cuz I’m worried about everything going good in my life now turning to complete shit the minute a Zen’in shows up around me. Specifically those two drunk fucks—my old man and his brother. 

 Y/N, where are you? 

 I’ve passed at least six concession stands already and still haven’t found her. Dammit, she probably got lost. I know this is her first time at a Formula One race, so she—

 Don’t fuck with me. 

 Don’t fuck with me. 

 Anger blurs my vision when I look across to see Y/N and my fucking old man—talking. Talking like they’re old friends. 

 My strides are long and hard while pushing through the crowd, not caring about the glares, scoffs, or complaints from the people I’m pushing out my way. All I care about is getting to Y/N and getting her the hell away from my old man. 

 As I close in on them, I’m able to hear their conversation. 

 “Are you single by chance? I have a son that you would be fantastic with,” he says. 

 She nervously giggles, but not in the way she usually does… she’s uncomfortable. “Oh, uhm, no. I have a boyfriend—”

 “Y/N!” I shout, causing her to turn around and look at me. The moment we lock eyes, relief floods her expression, confirming my observation of her being uncomfortable. 

 “Toji—” I pull her behind me to level with my father and grab him by his suit collar.

 Of course he’s the same coward as before because the moment I snatched him up, three fuckers dressed in black ran toward us to protect him, but he held his hand up to stop them in their tracks. 

 “What the fuck are you doing here?” I asked through gritted teeth. I’m itching to kill him, and had it not been for us being in public or Y/N, no questions would’ve been asked.

 “My dear son. Is this how you greet your father after twenty years?” The mockery and condescending tone is his voice makes me want to rip out his fucking throat. “Also, I see you lack manners as usual. Did you not see me talking to this beautiful young woman?”

 “You have shit to talk about with her.”

 His brows raised in realization. “Overprotective over a woman? Is this your significant partner?”

 “Y–”

 “No,” I answered, cutting her off and instantly regretting it. I don’t need to look at Y/N to know confusion fills her face. “Answer my fucking question.”

 “Just making friendly conversation, is all. Am I not allowed to do that?”

 “I-”

 “Fushiguro,” Y/N interrupts. She catches me off guard by using my last name, but I guess it’s only fair since I denied she was my girlfriend. “Let’s go.”

 The silent plea in her eyes makes me wish I never allowed this piece shit to pull a reaction out of me. ‘Cuz by the looks of it, Y/N is scared… and it’s all because of me. 

 You’re worthless. Don’t ever come near this estate again. 

 These damn thoughts in my head will do everything in their power to skin me alive. I’ll just ignore them… like I always do. 

 Last thing I want, which she probably already does now, is to regret being mine. So I took her hand, ignored that fucker and his condescending voice, and rushed through the crowd again to get the hell out of here. 

 “Toji,” Y/N calls me, sounding worried. “Toji, wait. Was that your—”

 “Old man.” 

 My fucking old man. 

PREVIOUS CHAPTER | NEXT CHAPTER

[littlespacereader]

Hiii!!! If requests are open I was wondering if you'd be willing to write some Caregiver Frank Castle Headcannons or a fic.

Completely fine if not!!! <333

Have an amazing day/afternoon/night!!!

@aew-kun-age-regression !! YES!!! It would be my honor and pleasure to write Caregiver Frank Castle!! After writing the Matt Murdock Headcannons and adding the small section at the end with Frank, I couldn’t help but want to write more about Frank as a Caregiver! He’s just so tough and broken that I feel like a Little would be just the thing to heal and help him🥹 It was such a hard choice but I decided to do Frank Castle Headcannons. But if you find some inspiration from this please send me another request and I’d happily write a fic around Frank! So here is Caregiver Frank Castle Headcannons! Please enjoy!!🥹💞

Caregiver Frank Castle Headcannons

Tw- violence, mentions of trauma and death.

Frank never expected to be your Caregiver. After everything that happened with his family, he thought he would just be alone for the rest of his life. That was until Y/N came into his life. You sort of adopted Frank and not vice versa.

Y/N was looking into some shady business going down in Hell’s Kitchen when they got wrapped into it and badly hurt. Frank saved them and brought them back to his home to tend to their injuries. But the injuries scared them so badly that they regressed once they felt safe and cared for in Frank’s home.

Frank, being no stranger to trauma responses and coping mechanisms, immediately understood what was happening. At first he was nervous, taking care of you as if you were made of glass, but then as the night went on he started to return to his old fatherly Caregiver self and he started to enjoy it.

After that night you asked Frank to be your Caregiver. He refused at first, not because of you but because of himself. He is so afraid he will hurt you or you’ll get hurt because of him. It’s not that he doesn’t want you, trust that he hasn’t felt as calm or at peace then when he was taking care of you, it’s because he’s traumatized.

But after asking, and asking, and asking over and over again, he finally breaks down and agrees. Now not only is Y/N happier and safer than ever but Frank is healing and becoming his old self again. He truly relaxes when he’s around his Little one. You see slowly but surely the old father side of him that was once locked away coming back to him in full swing.

Nickname wise he starts out with the standard kid or kiddo for Y/N as he start to get used to being a Caregiver again. But as time go on he really gets into the use of nicknames such as: Prince/Princess/Royalty (depending on your gender), his personal favorite troublemaker, sweet one and pumpkin.

Frank is a girldad for sure. What I mean by this is not that he is only for Femm little, no no no, what I mean is he isn’t one of those overly masculine men that’s afraid of showing his feminine side.

You want to have a tea party with him? He’s the guest of honor! Want to paint his nails? He hands you his hand. Want to play dress up? He’ll gladly wear a dress or a fancy tux. The point is, there isn’t much he wouldn’t do for his little one. Even if it isn’t “something a manly man would do.” He could care less. For him it’s all about his little ones happiness.

Speaking of that, like most Caregivers he is completely open to his Littles needs. Diaper, pull-up, sippy cup, bottles, pacifiers, stuffies, ect. Whatever you want/need for your regression. He is all for it!

He keeps his life as the Punisher far away from his life with his little one. That’s the last thing he wants you tangled up in.

Y/N has to be patient with him because at times he can be very overprotective of them.

They rarely go out to the park, or beach or anything public. Not that he is afraid to be seen with you, he used to not be a bragger but now he is when it come to you. The fear of being out in public comes from his fear of someone hurting you while the two of you are out…just like what happened to his family.

Because of this you guys are homebodies. But Frank makes it fun! He makes elaborate pillow forts, special movie nights, drawing contest and crazy games of hide and seek in their home so that his little one is always entertained.

Frank LOVES art work from his Little one. Every photo to him is a work of art. It’s gotten so bad that the fridge is just a pile of papers now. “What’s this? Oh WOW! Look at this!! You did such a great job! I love it! It’s a masterpiece that deserves it’s time on the fridge don’t you think?”

Frank is on the stricter side when it comes to rules and such. He isn’t easily a pushover so it’s hard to convince him when he’s made his mind up…but that doesn’t stop you from trying though!

“Can I have another cookie?” “How many have you had already?” “Two.” “Yeah, two too many. You’re not having another before dinner. You just have to wait.” “But two isn’t a good number! Three is! See, two is even which is good but then the one extra cookie is good luck.” Frank just gives them a look. “I’ll wait till after dinner.” They sigh. “That’s what I thought.”

Frank…IS A CUDDLER! There’s nothing he enjoys more than to snuggle up on the couch, little one in his lap, and watch tv together. He loves the security of having them close to him at all times, but he also loves to cuddle.

At night, if they’re comfortable with it, he holds them close and they fall asleep resting their head in his chest. This helps ground him and allow him to fall asleep without the fears and anxiety that used to keep him awake. When he does have a nightmare, his little one helps him through it.

Aft first he was embarrassed and ashamed of himself for being so vulnerable after a nightmare. But he quickly learned that for as much as he does for his Little, they do the same if not more for him. He’s slowly working through his trauma and it’s because of Y/N.

When it comes to Frank’s friends…he doesn’t have many. He doesn’t trust most of the people in his life besides his little one. But there are a few he can trust and who he introduces Y/N too.

Karen is the first and she’s super kind and gentle. She’s extremely happy Frank has Y/N as she quickly sees a change in him, a very good change. She helps out when Y/N’s regressed and he needs to go out on a business call.

Matt was a bit of a shock to Frank as they started out enemies. But once Matt gained Frank’s trust, he became a close ally to Frank and his Little. Matt is also extremely kind and gentle. He loves to play with Y/N and is always sneaking them sweets behind Frank’s back.

Now if it wasn’t the reader being Frank’s Little, Matt or Karen would definitely his Littles. Karen is a bit older than Matt headspace wise but the two get along well! Matt is always snuggling next to Frank while he reads and Karen paints his nails. Again, he didn’t ask to be their Caregiver, but they just adopt him. And who was he to refuse?

[sootical]

Permanence

->Wilbur Soot x Reader (hinted but never explicitly stated) ->No use of Y/n ->I tried to be as gender neutral as possible.

*Hurt, minimal comfort, hopeful ending TW: Su*cidal ideation, Self destructive thoughts and actions, SH mentions/references, depression, lots and lots of depression. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK Summary: You are stuck in a multi-month long depressive episode, and it's gotten so much worse. You're on your last leg, and you need someone to help you. Good thing best friend(?) Wilbur and his band are there to help :] Word Count - 2.4k

Wilbur Soot. Twitch streamer turned famous musician, heartthrob—you get it. He’s everything anyone could want in a partner. Trust me, I would know. He’s been my best friend since form. And since then, he’s only ever been kind and considerate and just overall an amazing person. What a guy right? With his stupid brown hair that covers one of his eyes when it’s outgrown. Stupid brown eyes that have just the right amount of dark and light brown in them. It’s stupid of me really, to ever hope for a future with him that involves us being more than friends. I can only hope though, right? He’s up there, in the states, singing his heart out on a stage. While I’m stuck, on the other side of paradise–more like purgatory–lamenting on how many people adore him. I’m feeling sorry for myself, rotting away in bed at 2 in the morning. It’s not like I have to work in three hours–whaaaat nooooo… A knot develops in my stomach at the mere thought of leaving my bed. Maybe losing my job isn’t so bad. Wilbur has told me time and time again he’d pay me to edit for him. But I could never make him do that. Never would I take advantage of him like that. I’d feel like more of a burden than I already do. The thought of him having to support me financially makes me want to vomit. It makes my skin crawl, so it’s okay if I waste away. If I end up rotting away in my bed. It’s fine. At least then I wouldn’t be able to consume too much of Wilbur’s time. Taking up too much of his time has always been my biggest fear. To me, it came true a long time ago and I’m finally reaping what I sowed. It sucks really, how I thought I'd have a shot. Just for it all to blow up in my face. Now he’s somewhere in America–having the time of his life. Good for him. Bad for me.

Reaching over, I grab my phone. My coworkers probably hate me. I keep asking them to cover my shifts so I can rot in bed for another day. It’s been like this since–September? It started off just once every few weeks. Now, it being almost December, I’ve not gone to work in over two weeks. What’s the point anymore anyways? I can’t do this. I can’t do anything. Deep down, when I started doing things for myself–I knew I wouldn’t be able to do this. That was two years ago. I guess I’m finally breaking.

Pulling the duvet over my head, I try not to think about how my breath smells, and the uncomfortable way the oil sticks to my face. I shove my head into the pillow. Trying to block out the sounds of people existing below my apartment. It’s so much easier to rot away when people don’t rely on you. When you have no reason for existence. I don’t want to die. But at the same time I don’t want to live. I’m too much of a coward to do anything about it, so I lay and wait. I wait for some omnipotent being to strike me down and judge me for how I’ve managed to mess up any and all relationships I’ve ever had with anyone. Me and Nikki haven’t spoken in almost a year. Me and Wilbur haven’t even seen each other in months My family doesn’t talk to me.

I wish I could say “The world is fucked and everyone hates me.” But that’s not the truth. The truth is I am my own undoing. I have destroyed everything I’ve worked for. Any relationships–platonic and romantic–have fallen through because of my own emotions and insecurities getting in the way. It’s not fair for anyone. Well, anyone except for me. I brought this upon myself. My phone is the only thing lighting up my face. I looked at the time. Suddenly it’s six in the morning, and I’m late for work. The thought makes me want to cry, but I can’t. I can’t tell if it’s apathy—or dehydration. 

I call my boss. She answers. “Where are you?! I haven’t seen you in weeks! I’m worried about you hun, do you need me to call someone?” She opens, sounding both relieved and shocked I even called. I clear my throat the best I can, swallowing saliva feels like eating sandpaper. “I uh..I was calling to let you know I won’t be coming back. I’m quitting. And I’m sorry for not putting in my two weeks. It’s not–” Something foreign is bubbling up in my throat, I force myself to swallow it down. “-It’s not fair to you. And I’m sorry.” I whisper, hanging up shortly after.

I feel terrible for worrying her. I feel terrible for upsetting her. I feel terrible. I am terrible. I’m a parasite. I always have been. Mooching off of others in order to help myself get by. My thoughts fall back to Wilbur. I’ve been mooching off of him for however long we’ve been friends. I want him to be happy. I don’t want him to feel like he needs to be my friend to keep me alive. But at the same time–I can’t do this anymore. I can’t look myself in the mirror and tell myself it’s me. I can’t. I’m not the person I thought I’d become. I’m not the person I thought I was. I’m useless. My phone rings again. I go to decline it, I can’t. 

Wilbur’s face greets me. His contact photo, the two of us at the amusement park I helped them film for Tommy’s vlog channel. We’re smiling. His arm over my shoulder, and my head on his arm. I remember that day. Wilbur held me for a bit while Tommy and Phil were off filming a different part of the vlog with Russ. I was overwhelmed and so was he, so we took the time to chill by the snack stands. He got tommy cotton candy, and we split popcorn even though he couldn’t really taste it. We spent a good time just taking funny pictures with each other. I remember that day, it was a great one.

Tears breach my eyes before I can stop them. A sob ripping through me, I force my face into the pillow to muffle it. The ringing stops. My tears don’t, and that makes me feel so much worse. My chest convulses as my sobs reverberate through the room. I’m a mess. I’m laying in my bed, rotting. Wasting away and feeling sorry for myself. Everything is terrifying, every breath I take reminds me of how I’m alive. Reminds me of how I can’t escape the feeling of impending doom that washes over me. I’m going to die here. I’m going to die. I was never permanent. 

I knew I couldn’t do this. I’ve been lying to myself, little lies, white lies. To convince myself everything was okay. That it was fine for me to fall in love, it was fine for me to believe I wasn’t just taking up space. That I wasn’t slowly getting tired. 

Contemplating whether or not cut myself some slack–but ending up just cutting myself loose. I lift the duvet from my head, staring at the ceiling. My eyes flick to the ground, clothes and food everywhere. Some of it’s moldy. It makes me feel worse about myself. Turning my head, I look to my PC. I should sell it. Someone else would be much happier with it. I haven’t used it in a while anyways. I can’t take care of any of the stuff I have can I? 

My phone rings again, this time I do answer. 

“Oh my god–” I hear multiple people take a sharp breath in. I can’t stop myself from making a small noise of confusion. “Hey..Your boss–called us.” I recognize the voice to be Joe. I lift the phone, checking the caller ID. It was Wilbur again. “Wil—?” It hurts so bad to talk, I haven’t used my voice this much since the end of October. I hear a choked noise and whispers. “We’re gonna—come over there okay? The tour ended last night, no gigs for a while. Wil’s been missing you y’know.” I can’t tell who said that, “I–no. Sorry.” I don’t know why I said that. I don’t know why I hung up either.

Maybe deep down I did want them to help, I do want their help. But logically–It’s for the best.

I swing my legs over the side of my bed, cringing at how my clothes hang off of me. My back hurts something awful. I’m so tired. 

Yet I stand on two feet and walk to my bathroom. I look at myself in the mirror, I don’t recognize them. My hair–too long and too oily for it to be mine. My skin is pale and the bags under my eyes are so dark they could rival a racoon. 

It’s then that my legs decide to give out. I can feel my knees split as I hit the tile. I’m so tired. I look down at the sweater I’m wearing. It’s one of Wil’s. I can’t remember when I put it on. I can’t remember a lot of things recently. Like when this got so bad. Or when my arms started to sting. My eyes are heavy, I can barely keep them open. Maybe a nap wouldn’t be so bad.

When I wake up it’s to voices around me. I’m laying on something warm–It’s moving. I can’t find it in myself to open my eyes. My breathing picks up, and I hear an intake of air accompanied by a hand on my forehead. My eyes are shooting open in fear before I’m trembling. He’s above me, looking down at me like I could break.

I look around, there's two other people. I can barely make them out. Joe and Ash. It’s hard to think. It’s so hard to think. 

“There you are..” Wilbur whispers, his pointer finger gently stroking my cheekbone. “What happened to you love?” I can’t tell if it’s his tone, or the fact he looks so broken. But I can’t stop my eyes from watering and my body from turning into him, hiding myself away. Embarrassment filled me, they’d seen it all. The moldy food, the dirty clothes. They probably saw the abundance of mail I'd gotten as well. People are walking out the room. Not Wilbur, he stays. He stays and makes me look at him. “Here’s what’s gonna happen, I’m gonna help you shower, and they’re going to clean and get you food. Okay?” My eyes widened. I shake my head so quickly it hurts. His face falls, he looks down at what I’m wearing. His face falls even more. “Love…” He whispers. “I don’t–I can’t. Don’t make me.” I whisper. Wilbur wipes away my tears and shakes his head. “No. You’re going to get clean, eat, and then you will sleep for however long you need to.” He lifts me like I’m nothing.

He sets me on the toilet, turning to the tub and turning on the faucet. He waits for it to get warm before he’s plugging the drain and helping me get undressed. He brushes the hair from my face, he frowns at the sight of the back of my head. He looks down at my arms before I can see him clenching his jaw. “We’ll work on the matts too.” He picks me up again, placing me in the tub and going to shut the door. He grabs a towel from the cabinet, as well as a washcloth. He swipes the comb from the counter.

“I’m sorry.” I can’t help but whisper. He sighs. “I know. But it’s alright. We were worried about you.” Was all he said before he’s dousing my hair in water. He keeps a hand on my forehead, stopping the water from getting into my eyes. And with that, he applies conditioner and starts to de-matt my hair. An hour and countless tub refills later, my hair is de-matted and I’m clean. Feeling slightly better too. Wilbur gave me the crewneck he was wearing for comfort, before planting a kiss on my forehead and leaving the room to grab other clothes. The sounds from the outside are a lot less foggy now. I can hear the boys outside bickering and talking. “Are they okay Wil?” “What happened?” “From your face, I can tell it wasn’t good.”

I can’t help but stand weakly, the towel wrapped around me. I look in the mirror. I look a little more like myself. I touch my face, I look pale. I am pale. My hair is a bit longer now. I don’t smell bad anymore. I do feel better, but I can’t help but think I’m making Wilbur do this.

Wilbur reappears, he looks at me and smiles. He hands me the clothing he picked out before leaving the room once again, though he stands just outside the door.

I dress quickly. Slipping on Wilbur’s crewneck once I have my shirt on. I walk out, giving Wilbur a small smile. “You uh–You didn’t have to do this.” He takes my hand and leads me through my now clean apartment. “I did. Because if I didn’t–If we didn’t, you’d be dead right now, or you’d have killed yourself soon.” He says, sitting me down at the table that’s been cleared off. “Now, be honest. When is the last time you remember eating something?” He asks. 

My face drops. That’s the thing–I can’t. “Uh–Tuesday?” I say, like I even know what day it is, his face falls. “It’s Friday.” He deadpans before going into the kitchen, he comes back with Ash, Mark, and Joe. They each have both in their hands. Wilbur has two.

“It’s just soup. Easy on the stomach.” Joe pipes up before sitting on my right, Wilbur sits on my left, and Ash and Mark sit across from me. “We don’t need to talk about things right now, no one is going to make you. But you need to talk to someone soon. Maybe not us, but someone.” Wilbur said, putting his hand on my knee. “Yeah. I think I can do that.” They smile, I eat my soup, and for the first time since September–I feel permanent. 

[daytaker]

Only Human

Solomon thinks he deserves a little more credit.

Ship: Solomon x Reader (One-Sided) Word Count: 823 NightBringer Timeline Cross-Posted on AO3

Welcome home! What did you get up to today?

Ah… Uh-huh…

…What a headache.

Brothers, brothers, brothers. It’s always all about the brothers for you. It’s a little unfair, you know. Who’s there to protect you when things with “the brothers” go south? Hm? That’s right. But you just keep on charging after them as if they’re all that matters in the world. Never mind that I’m the one who literally followed you back in time. Never mind that I’m the only one who knows everything about your situation. Never mind that I’m the only one here who doesn’t have any agenda besides getting you home.

…Fair point. I suppose saying I don’t have any agenda isn’t completely honest. But who would I be if I didn’t sprinkle in some friendly, misleading comments with a big smile on my face?

I’ve become very attached to you. I’m not ashamed of that, and I’ve never tried to hide it. You’re a very charming person, and it’s only natural that if angels and demons are susceptible to that charm, I would be too. I’m only human, after all.

But please don’t forget this: you’re only a human too.

Allow me to reassure you that I’ll never become so resentful that I’d leave you behind. You’re far too precious for me to pull a stunt like that, and you’re far too unpredictable for me to even pretend I’d do it. For all I know, the minute I turn my back, you’ll somehow find yourself contractually obligated to serve as Vizier to the Acting Demon Lord for the next seven centuries, or be married to three or four of the brothers all at once. No, that isn’t how things work in the Devildom, but I still wouldn’t be surprised if you somehow pulled it off by sheer force of will.

Why don’t you just calm down and settle down with me instead?

Of course, I don’t suppose I plan on ever settling down. It would be awfully hypocritical of me to hold you to a different standard just because I felt a little jealous.

Yes, I feel jealous. You know I’m not ashamed of my feelings. That’s something I learned to get past after my first century or two of life. Being ashamed over your own feelings is a good way to make yourself miserable.

So I’ve come up with a great way to make myself less jealous and make you less attached to these past versions of the brothers. Are you ready to hear it? Why are you making that face? It’s a great idea, trust me!

We should become lovers.

What’s that look? You’re going to hurt my feelings. Anyway, there are plenty of practical reasons to follow this course of action; reasons that have no basis in emotion at all. For one thing, my reputation precedes me, so you would benefit from the respect and fear that attach themselves to my name. It’s also possible that strengthening our bond might make it easier for you to follow my trail of energy back into the future. And on a more immediate, practical note, it would cut down on heating expenses if we shared a bed.

Haha! I’m kidding, I’m kidding! You should have seen your face. And I thought Lucifer could be scary!

It seems like I haven’t convinced you yet. You’re awfully stubborn, you know? But I like that about you. I like almost everything about you.

Everything except that irritating fascination you have with those seven.

I guess I haven’t been too open about how I felt about that in the past (or in the future?). But I may as well lay my cards out on the table now. I would love to know how it feels to have you look at me the way you look at them. Maybe if you just had that sort of connection with just one of them, I could accept it, but it’s an entire family! It shouldn’t be that hard to squeeze an eighth person into the fold. But sometimes it feels like you barely spare me a second glance. Me! The greatest sorcerer to ever live; a human so enigmatic that angels and demons and reapers can barely understand me. 

Do you have a thing for demons in particular? Is it the tails? I suppose I’ll always come up short where tails are concerned. Dare I ask why you find tails so appealing? Surely it isn't...?

Hahaha! Oh, man, that face was even scarier than the last one!

It doesn’t really matter, I guess. Adore whoever you want to adore; I’ll always be the one who taught you magic. And no one can take that away from me. Not even you, my adorable apprentice.

Just so we’re on the same page, was that a ‘no’ to becoming lovers?

What about sharing a bed?

Sigh… You’re as cold as ice sometimes. I love that about you.

[cocogum]

Let’s TALK about episodes 9 and 10 people… (part 1)

PART 2 : HERE

(‼️SPOILERS FOR SEASON 4‼️)

.

.

.

.

.

.

If you thought episodes 7 and 8 had so much to talk about (cuz I sure did), then episodes 9 and 10 destroyed my mind.

….

I am so tired.

We begin with a small recap of what happened last episode and it’s honestly very nice and heartwarming of Ankama to remind us that Yugo will get his ass handed to him in a few minutes.

BRO LOOK AT HOW THEY’RE DRAGGING HIM ON THE DIRTY FLOOR LIKE THAT!!

The level of disrespect these thirsty hoes have for him is immeasurable. Even if Yugo’s not a kid, the fact that the necromes didn’t hesitate to tie him up like that and sacrifice him like a lamb is jaw-dropping. It really makes you understand that they don’t give a shit if you’re an actual kid, they will hang you up like a roast beef for dinner.

Bro’s asking as if he just got here.

Also, how do you think that fall must’ve felt like? Cuz when Toross yeets him, Yugo takes a massive fall only to get his body slammed into the pavement when he gets tied up.

He gets to fall even faster because of the stasis ropes pulling him down too.

You can even hear the loud slam when he hits it. That must’ve hurt like a bitch.

Btw I love how even after all that, Adamaï and Amalia still don’t trust Qilby even when he saved them from the necrome world.

Adamaï thinks he was an idiot for not using the eliatrope Dofus and…he’s right? Cuz my guy…ur scared of ruining things if you use the dofus but what are you gonna ruin in a place WHERE THERE’S NO WAKFU????

Sometimes I can’t tell whether or not that guy’s okay in his head. Like is he blind or something? You can clearly tell that the necrome world is completely deserted and has no actual life, Amalia even CONFIRMS IT for you, Toross is literally using his dofus in his world of nothing, AND it’s also literally known as the gods’ garbage bin.

No wonder you get slapped around so much, you’re stupider than Yugo!!

I never in my life thought that I’d eventually get to see Qilby booping Amalia’s nose.

And I don’t know if I should like it or if I should fear it.

Man literally booped her as if she was a kid. But then again, he IS a millennial years old so it would explain why he’d treat her like a fetus.

In a way, he really CAN see her as a kid who doesn’t know what the hell she’s talking about.

But like-

I never imagined this happening???? Not even in a trillion chances 😀😀

BUT WHAT CONFUSES ME EVEN MORE IS THIS :

I get that Amalia annoyed him when she said he STILL couldn’t be trusted but what do you mean by “artificial”??? I’m still confused about that.

MY QUEEN NORA AND HER GAY ASS IS BACK WITH HER SHENANIGANS GURL WE SEE U !!

You can’t tell me this scene ain’t gay 😭😭

The way she grabbed her was so sudden, it made my heart jump!! And Amalia just goes with it like a damsel in distress being protected by her knight 🥰🥰 My noramalia senses detected that shit from a mile away, you ain’t getting away!!!

That torture scene tho should’ve taken longer ngl. But Okoo being the kid that they are decided “hell nah”. It’s still a shame really but at least we got what we needed.

Also, lemme just say something about this torture scene real quick.

Not only does Yugo get sucked the living out of him, but he just got BODY SLAMMED FROM AT LEAST 290 FEET on LITERAL PAVEMENT so now his back is completely obliterated, he keeps CONVULSING, TWITCHING, and GETS HIS BONES BREAKING TO GROW LONGER ONES-

He’s feeling all that WHILE getting sucked to death. My god. I wanted to see more of that.

The only reason why he didn’t turn out ballistic was cuz Oropo was keeping him busy in his head. He literally told him that he’ll make him fight just to not think about it.

And even though Oropo does hate him (but calmed down a bit once he reunited with Yugo), he told him that even he doesn’t deserve all of this. Can you imagine the one who caused so many calamities and was ready to kill the gods because he hates you telling you that even you don’t deserve this?? It just shows how kinky this Toross guy is.

[tater-tot-jr]

Yapping time! Spoilers for DRDT C2E14

So the entire episode was great, but there’s one part I’d like to talk about most. David’s monologue towards the end. Specifically the second half, where he gets away from his logical stuff and into the more interpersonal stuff. I’ll break it down line by line.

“All I want is for Teruko to distrust others.”

Okay we are starting off interesting. Now, due to David’s nature we can’t trust him to be honest. We cannot take this as explicit confirmation of any sort of goal. With that said, his goal appears to be fucking up the class trial in some manner. We don’t know his motive, but that goal seems consistent enough to work with. So let’s work with it. Teruko is literally one half of this classes helpful trial participants. Her and Charles are the entire brain of this class. Charles can be killed, he has a glaring flaw in a debilitating fear of blood, he’s easy enough to deal with when the time comes. Teruko is stupidly resilient. To everything. The one thing she obviously struggles with is her trust issues/paranoia. If you’re looking to get under her skin that’s where you gotta go. Saying this is a clear demonstration he intends to poke at Teruko emotionally, which is an interesting thing to admit out loud. If I had to guess, it’s because he’s trying to kill two birds with one stone and make the class start to distrust Teruko as well.

“That’s why I’m doing this, telling such obvious lies.”

This is him saying he’s lying about seeing the body, I think. He’s doubling down on inciting paranoia, in both Teruko and the class. It’s interesting he would say this out loud. He’s hyper focused on fucking with Teruko and it shows. If you take out the brain, the body goes as well. It’s certainly a strategy of all time.

“There is no other proof of Eden’s innocence.”

As far as we know, this is a true statement right now. Unless I’m unaware of something that was the biggest piece of evidence meant to clear her name, and he brought it into question.

“As long as there’s a possibility that the evidence is false, as long as there’s even the slightest reason to distrust others, then Teruko cannot trust Eden.”

Oof, he’s got her dead to rights. I don’t think there’s a good faith argument for him being wrong. It’s cool to see how much he understands the cast. It’s an interesting way to show how Teruko’s thoughts process works without betraying her guarded nature. Having a character so ready to pick at her weakness is a good writing choice, and I hope they keep David around for a time. Teruko is the least trusting character I’ve ever seen in any fangan game, granted I haven’t played them all but still. There’s a chance the story doesn’t have any sort of lesson, and we’re just gonna watch Teruko suffer. The idea that she can’t bring herself to trust if there’s even a 0.001% chance of something being false is such a good character flaw. She’s clearly terrified of risk, and she doesn’t know how to get rid of her paranoia, even though I think she wants to.

“Isn’t that right, Teruko?”

Ohohoho you smug piece of shit. You fucking dick. This is more proof he’s not just saying these things in an objective way. He’s just trying to hurt her, as far as we can assume.

“…”

Yeah she’s fucking rocked. Teruko really doesn’t take things lying down. Befitting of her backstory, she’s the type to struggle and fight back against anything she can. But here she has nothing to say. David has read her for filth and they both know it. Now that I think about it, this probably also plays on her fear of being vulnerable. What could possibly be more vulnerable than someone telling you your own exact thought process?

“It’s in your nature to distrust people.”

This is a more interesting statement than it appears at first glance. Specifically because he says it’s in her nature. To him, this isn’t a choice she’s making because of the killing game. It’s not circumstance that has pushed her into this. No, this is who she is, and this is who she’ll always be. Which is a horribly insulting thing to say, because it’s within most humans nature to trust each other somewhat, and it’s life circumstances that push them away from collaboration. He’s saying that Teruko is so fucked in the head that she’s fundamentally different from the standard human baseline.

“Everyone you know has already betrayed you. There’s no one in this world who won’t hurt you. Even the people you love will turn their backs on you in the end. You know that well enough, don’t you?”

…Jesus Christ. He really is just the devil on her shoulder. These are her worst thoughts said out loud and back to her. Do you think she considers someone dying on her and leaving her alone a betrayal? Is that a part of this? Him saying “even the people you love” is interesting, does she really even have anyone she loves in the cast? Or does she just tolerate them. He’s making grand, sweeping statements about her life potentially before the killing game and hitting the nail on the head every time. An impressive feat of manipulation and perceptiveness.

“So distrust in others. Because that’s the only way you know how to live.”

Ow. Ouch. Owie. Not only is this a banger way to end the monologue but it’s just so telling. Teruko doesn’t even say anything in response she just waits for Charles to change to subject. Also, is he even really wrong? She tried to afford people trust and then she got stabbed and everyone else blamed her. She’s definitely swung too far the other way, but it’s not like she was good at knowing how much trust to afford people. This life is really the only way she knows how to live. How things are now, she’ll suffer any other way. It’s such juicy character writing. Damned if you do damned if you don’t. David has definitely been watching Teruko’s behavior, and quite frankly he has her figured out. He’s perceived her, and she hates it. I think we all know Teruko is lonely, she deeply wants people around her. But between being a danger to them and all her trust issues she shuts herself away. David is doing everything he can to keep her as far away from forming meaningful connections as possible. He’s clearly got some sort of plan.

—

There’s also a few things I want to talk about that I didn’t have the ability to put under a spoken line, so I’ll yap down here.

Firstly, Teruko extending some “trust” to Eden doesn’t prove David wrong. If anything, it strengthens his argument. Looking at the actual content of Teruko and Eden’s back and forth, it’s barely a scrap of trust and it’s completely conditional. Teruko basically said “because you helped me last trial I will trust you enough to investigate you second” which is still incredible progress for her, but it’s nothing close to genuine trust. This is not to diminish the progress Teruko made in that scene, but it’s nothing close to countering David’s claims.

Secondly, THAT VOICE ACTING HELLO?!?? David’s VA has always been great, but combined with DRDTdev’s wonderful writing and sprite design/choices he really brought this scene to life. He was perfectly smug and condescending. He had a voice that really portrayed that “I’m 100% right about you and you can’t do anything about it” vibe. Just a total piece of shit. 10/10 would listen again.