#not only in the circus but in real life too

[faceeeeee]

Kaufmo human ver?

I was originally just going to leave this as a concept in my mind plus the previous ask but FINE. You want the pathetic clown? You're getting the pathetic clown-

[radiotorn]

The perusing thru photo gallery strikes again. ! Bad

[rosyblooom]

not so perfect strangers | ln4 smau

PAIRING: lando norris x private fem!reader SUMMARY: after getting completely splashed by a passing car, y/n throws all 'stranger danger' warnings out the window and hitches a ride home.

Instagram

yourusername posted to her story!

[ caption: OMFG THIS CAR JUST SPLASHED ME NOW I'M SOAKED😭😭😭 couldn't even see the driver ughh ]

[ caption: it's been almost 1 hr and i still look like a wet rat🙃 soo guess who's hitching a ride? (if i don't update within 2 hrs CALL THE POLICE PLS) ]

[ tagged: yourbestfriend, yourfriend + more ]

Instagram

yourusername posted to her story!

[ caption: no need to worry anymore, your girl made it back home🙂‍↕️ ]

[ tagged: yourbestfriend, yourfriend + more ]

Instagram

yourusername

liked by yourbestfriend, landonorris, yourfriend and 68 others

tagged: landonorris

yourusername "stranger danger" but not this one !! 🙂‍↕️

view all 22 comments

yourfriend girl what- is this who I think it is???

yourusername 🤭🤭

yourbestfriend UHM DINNER TOOO????

yourusername messaging u rn girly🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️

landonorris Again soon?👀

yourusername again tmrw? landonorris Again tomorrow. yourbestfriend what. the. fuck.

yourfriend pretty girl <33

(liked by author)

landonorris posted to his story!

[ caption: Day 2 ]

[ tagged: yourusername ]

Twitter

Instagram

yourusername posted to her story!

[ caption 1: mixing friend groups >>> ] [ caption 2: another day, another slay 🙂‍↕️ ]

[ tagged: landonorris, yourbestfriend, yourfriend + more ]

Tiktok

A couple days later...

yourusername posted to her close friends!

[ caption 1: lol ] [ caption 2: bye ]

Instagram

yourusername posted to her close friends!

[ caption 1: this is awkward ahaha... how about we all just forget about my silly goofy little story FOREVER AGO pretty please😁 ]

[ tagged: landonorris ]

story replies:

yourbestfriend "he's dead to me"🤡🤡

yourusername pfft tomato tomato right ahaha 😁

yourfriend folding after only 5 days is clown shit lmfao

yourfriend LMAOOO where did all that energy go??

yourusername new phone who dis😀

yourfriend Y/N STAND TF UP OMFG???

yourusername b-but pretty flowers🥺 yourfriend a lost cause I see...

yourfriend I spy with my little eye a whole damn circus!

yourfriend so real tbh

yourusername i knew you'd get me babe 🙂‍↕️

[ ... ]

yourusername posted to her close friends!

[ caption: STOP EATING ME UP IN THE REPLIES OMFG?? PLS FRIENDS I'M JUST A GIRLLL ]

A few months later...

Instagram

f1gossipofficial

liked by username, username, username, and 13,007 others

f1gossipofficial According to this picture sent to us by a fan in China, it seems Lando Norris has brought Y/N along with him for the upcoming Grand Prix.

The duo has been the subject of rumours and sightings together for a while now. Could this weekend finally mark the debut of a new wag?

They certainly appear close in the photo! 👀

view all 845 comments

username just fell to my knees in walmart🧎‍♂️

username aw that picture is so cuteee i already love them together <33

username i feel like she's stuck up tbh cause i've been requesting to follow her for almost a month now and nothing. like girl you're not that important please😒

username uhmm...you're a weirdo username lmaooo how about you go live your life then if she isn't that important what💀

username I saw them too!! I asked for a pic with lando and she was super sweet and took it for us :)

username aw that makes me happy to hear username she did the same for me in monaco 🫶

username she gives bad vibes...

username y'all say that about everyone omg stfu

yourusername posted to her story!

[ caption 1: entering my lucky charm era hmm?👀 ] [ caption 2: AHHH P2 OMFG!!!! SO PROUD OF U LAN ❤️ ❤️ (you're welcome also 😌) ]

[ tagged: landonorris ]

lando.jpg

liked by yourusername, danielricciardo, martingarrix, and 501,883 others

lando.jpg 🇨🇳

view all 3,097 comments

username rip lando's single era 😞💔

username crying and throwing up fr

yourusername ❤️

(liked by author)

username day 593 of begging you to make your insta public🥹 username with the way y'all treated Luisa I doubt that will happen username who tf is y'all?🤨

username P2 LET'S FUCKING GOOOOOO

username ik everyone's been hating but I actually like that y/n's super private bc it shows she's with him for the right reasons :)

username right she seems genuine 🫶

username so proud of you lando 🧡🧡

username LAST PIC SHOULD BE MEEE

1:22 ───────ㅇ───── 2:22

[daikaiju-arts]

I’m so flattered people are interested in my lil Irl Au thingy 🥺 I made a lil timeline image for the events that take place in it!

It’s based on a theory I had about what’s goin on in the Real World, which I’m 99% sure isn’t canon, but it’s fun to toy around with the idea!

Extra details:

Gangle lives alone in a dinky lil apartment, she’s a hikikomori and only goes out when she needs essentials. She’s kinda popular online and does art commissions though

Pomni is an accountant (of course)

Zooble is a tattoo artist

Post-Circus, Gangle can’t look at computers, tv, tablets, or smartphones for too long, it makes her nervous. She also can’t wear her sunglasses anymore because it’s too similar to wearing the headset. She does a little better though, she tries to keep track of her hygiene and attempts to go out more. The experience of the circus made her realize that she should experience more in her real life (it’s very hard but she keeps at it). She can’t do digital art anymore, but she does traditional stuff instead! She also can’t watch her favorite shows or movies, but she can listen to them.

Post-Circus, Pomni adjusts a little better, since she was in the circus for a shorter amount of time. She’s also uncomfortable around computers, so she can’t handle accounting anymore, so she instead does smaller jobs like petsitting and stocking in retail. She has TERRIBLE nightmares of the circus though, and suffers from insomnia and has to take meds to sleep (but still has the nightmares). Her aversion to touch is increased due to being plugged and poked with various wires and needles and medical equipment for so long

Post-Circus, Zooble, becomes more comfortable in their body and in their orientation in terms of gender. The allegorical experience that came with their digital avatar gave them a lot to think about after escaping it. They embrace and have a more solid understanding of who and what they are as a person, and what they value most in their life

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

Playful prompts for tadc cast playing hide and seek with hider reader?

Awe this is a cute idea! (not including Caine bc I see him as the one organizing this game).

.........

Pomni

During her first week inside the Digital Circus, she's slowly adapting to everything...although she refuses to give up on finding an exit.

But when Caine forced everybody to play some hide n' seek, with you being the hider, she really doesn't want any part of it.

However you convinced her to play along, whispering that if she found you first, you'll share what you remembered from your old life as a "prize".

Although initially annoyed you wouldn't just tell her, she becomes motivated searching high and low, opening doors, looking down barrels, etc.

When she finally finds you (courtesy of a glitching object), she's anxious to hear what you had to say-

Unfortunately Caine decides to pop in and put on a big celebration for Pomni winning the game...which goes on the whole damn day up until everybody goes to bed that night.

You seemingly forgot what you were gonna tell her, to which she gets upset and angry that you gave her false hope, sulking in her room.

But you slide a note under her door, explaining that you only recently remembered your real name.

Suddenly she realizes that maybe her memories weren't 100% gone.

If you could suddenly remember your name, then....surely she can, too!

Gangle

After Jax was mean to her during the last hide n' seek game, you try cheering her up by playing another one.

It didn't involve Caine or anybody else. Just you two.

She mopes about being a terrible seeker. But since you're her best friend (and you promised her a prize), she'll go along if it makes you happy.

You decide to hide in spots that she would 100% think to check, deliberately allowing her to win.

Since she's all ribbons, it's easy for her to slink around and squeeze into tight spaces.

After finding you three times, she gets suspicious that you're purposefully going easy on her-

But she stops her accusations as you finally present her prize:

It's a brand new comedy mask!! Except this one wasn't made of porcelain or ceramic, instead being unbreakable material (or at least material that's couldn't casually be broken by anyone, especially Jax).

Gangle sobs with happiness before putting the mask on, squealing over how perfectly it fits, and hugging you tightly.

Thanks to you, she can finally feel joyful again!

Zooble

They'd rather do anything else....

But since this little hide n' seek "adventure" was all Caine's idea, she has no choice but to go along with it.

Even so, she puts the least amount effort into the game.

When you're the hider and she's the seeker, they just pray to whatever god is in this world (besides Caine) that you aren't anywhere in the Gloink cavern.

She'd rather not get discombobulated again.

Sometimes, she'll throw parts of herself in the direction where she thinks you're hiding, hoping to startle you into giving away your location so this dumb game can finally end.

Lucky for you, you know their tricks and keep quiet.

She doesn't expect any prizes (unless it's a limb that makes her body not look like a hot mess).

If they find you, she'll be like "yay I win..now I'm going back to my room" and saunter off.

Kinger

Like Zooble, he'd much rather do something else.

But he goes along with Caine's game anyways after you enticed him into playing for a prize.

Whatever momentarily stops his sanity from spiraling, I guess.

He searches high and low, getting nervous when he can't find you anywhere in the places he'd 100% expect you to be.

Lowkey starts to wonder if something terrible actually happened to you--like if you were trapped and not even Caine could help you.

The last place he could think of was your room but.....he doesn't have your key.

At the same time, he knew you weren't a cheater. You wouldn't hide somewhere that nobody else (except Jax) could access!

In the end, he goes back to his fort to sulk, openly declaring that you've won the game.

As it turns out, you chose to hide in that same fort, and you jump out with a grin, feeling victorious.

Kinger just stares at you for a solid 10 seconds.....before he suddenly screams and asks why tf you were in there.

You feel bad for scaring him, so you reward him for at least trying: a jar with a caterpillar currently wrapped up in a chrysalis.

He LOVES it, but now he carries around the jar every second of the day, staring at it until the little bug hatches.

At least now he has a reason not to fall off the deep end just yet.

Jax

Hide n' seek is like child's play to him.

Somehow this cheeky bastard knows exactly where you're hiding no matter what, even if it's outside the tent (like at the lake or fair).

It's definitely tarnishing your reputation as the best "hider" out of all of the gang.

When you ask him how tf he knew, he just shrugs and says "you're too predictable, try a better spot next time".

Hiding in your room is definitely not an option, as he's stolen your key (and would point out that would be cheating if someone else was the seeker instead)--so there truly is no place to hide.

Like Zooble, he's not in it for some prize.

It is, however, quite rewarding seeing you get so frustrated when he effortlessly finds you.

And that's enough for him

If it's a game involving everyone, then he just straight-up mocks the others for not realizing the very obvious spot (or at least to him it was obvious) you were hiding in.

Ragatha

She's probably the most enthusiastic about Hide n' seek (like you have mentioned, it's a good distraction from the stresses of being stuck in this virtual world).

Is also a fair and honest player, never once peeking while she counts to 10.

Like Pomni, she does her best to find you first, searching places she knows you frequent--or mentioned liking in the past.

But you're definitely the best hider out of everyone, so it's a little challenging.

Still, she refuses to give up!

When she does successfully find you, you and Caine decided that she should get a prize for being such a great seeker.

It's her very own centipede-repellent spray bottle.

While it won't stop Jax from trying to sneak those little pests into her room, the mist will deter them from coming near her at all and help her conquer her fear.

She's forever grateful and sprays it around her bed every night before she sleeps.

Oh, and she'll definitely threaten Jax with it if he even mentioned centipedes around her.

[vikkirosko]

Okay, how would Digital Circus characters (separately) react to their S/O being abstracted, only to somehow return in normal state?

Headcanons Return to normal state

🚪Pomni x Reader 🃏

Pomni was afraid of what might happen to her in this digital world. She was afraid that she would become one of the frightening, crazed creatures kept in the local dungeon. However, she did not expect that the one who abstracts would be you. She saw you turn into a frightening monster and Caine sent you to the others. The others were planning your wake the next day and Pomni was sitting in her room crying. The realization that she had lost you was hurting her a lot

Early in the morning, she left her room but stopped at your door. Pomni couldn't find the strength to look away, but when the door opened and she saw you, she screamed. Pomni wasn't sure if she screamed in shock or joy, but the next thing she did was hug you. You were fine. You were alive. She pinched herself a few times, trying to figure out if she was dreaming or not, but it wasn't a dream

No one knew how it happened that you came back, because you remembered how you ended up in your room. You remembered how your mind went blank, and then you woke up in your room. It was a real miracle. Pomni was sincerely glad to see you back, squeezing your hand. You were one of the people she immediately became attached to and the last thing she wanted to lose was you

It won't be long before Pomni stops waking up from nightmares where you disappear from her life again. Every time after such a nightmare, she hurried to you, even if it was very late. She needed to see you again and make sure it was just a dream

🪡 Ragatha x Reader 🎀

Ragatha witnessed several of her comrades leave them, but seeing you abstract was especially hard. You were very close to her, perhaps the closest person of all in this digital prison. But you left her too. She didn't know what exactly had led to this, but the fact remained. You weren't with her anymore and it hurt her a lot

In the middle of the night, she was woken up by a scream that came from your room. The most frightening thing was that it was definitely your voice. Ragatha ran to your room while the others were trying to figure out what was going on. She knocked on your room quickly, but when you opened the door for her, she couldn't believe it. You were fine. You stood in front of her with fear in your eyes, but it was you, as if nothing had happened

As it turned out, you didn't know why you returned to your normal state. You didn't have any memories from the moment your consciousness went out until you woke up in your room. Ragatha didn't know if you did something or if you were just lucky, but she was glad that you were okay again

Ragatha started trying to spend more time with you. She didn't want to lose you again, but she wasn't sure if she could prevent it. That's why she tried to at least spend more time with you, not knowing what might happen in the future

🐰 Jax x Reader 🗝

Jax treated many things with caustic indifference. He did not participate in the commemorations of many, but he was shocked when you became the one who abstracted. You and Jax were close and often spent time together, but now all this will not happen. Jax didn't show it, but it hurt. The realization that he had lost a loved one made his heart ache

He sat in your room and hugged your pillow. It was hard for him to accept that you were no longer there. It was like it was just a huge glitch in the digital world. He dozed off with his back against the wall, but woke up to a soft touch on his shoulder and your sleepy voice. You asked him what he was doing in your room. Jax opened his eyes to dispel this illusion, but you were really in front of him

He leaned forward, hugging you. You were real, you were alive. Jax didn't know if it was a dream, but if he saw you in a dream, he didn't want to wake up. It was hard for Jax to admit it, but he was attached to you and didn't want to feel the loss of you again. He asked how you ended up in the room, but you said you didn't remember either. It's like the last few hours have disappeared from your memory. Perhaps it was even better, because you didn't remember how you abstracted

Jax wasn't going to let that happen again. He wasn't sure exactly how, but he intended to protect you. You were his ray of light in this digital circus, and he didn't want to lose someone who made him feel better

🎭 Gangle x Reader 📝

Gangle was so glad when you appeared in her life. She was comfortable with you and didn't worry about anything. You protected her from Jax and kept her company. But your quiet time together ended when you abstracted. Gangle, upon learning about this, could not find a place for herself. It was as if a piece of her heart had been taken away from her. She was sitting in her room, unable to find the strength to leave

Sobbing could be heard from her room and she felt just awful. Your voice outside the door brought her out of her mourning. She raised her head, not understanding how this was possible, but hurried to open the door. You were standing right at her door. You were fine. Gangle couldn't hold back the tears and hugged you. She didn't understand how this was possible, and even if it was just a dream, but she was happy to see you again

When Gangle calmed down a bit, you told her that you had no idea what had happened. You remembered how your mind shut down, and then you woke up in your room. You didn't remember how you got there or what happened. Gangle told you in an uncertain voice what happened, causing surprise on your face. All you could say for sure was that you're glad you're back to normal

Gangle was afraid that you might abstract again, so she often worried about you. You were there for her so that she wouldn't worry so much, because you didn't want her to be distracted by her anxiety. You intended to be close to each other and try to protect each other from what might happen

👑 Kinger x Reader ♟️

Kinger has been seemingly the longest in the digital circus. He had seen many people lose themselves, but he was still relatively normal. Your appearance in this strange place made him happy, because he had a person with whom he became close. Despite all his oddities, you stayed by his side. He felt calmer around you. But that calmness collapsed like a house of cards when you abstracted

The fact that it happened to you knocked him out of his rut. His anxiety increased and he was more nervous than usual. However, he let out a real scream when he saw you. You walked out of the hallway where your rooms were, as if nothing had happened to you. He hid from everyone in his Impenetrable Fortress, perfectly hearing the joyful voices of others. But it was hard for him to believe that it was really you and not an illusion that his mind had created. Kinger was really afraid that if he believed that you were real, you would disappear

When the voices of the others died down, he heard soft footsteps, and then your voice. You didn't break in on him or try to get him to come out. You told him you were sorry you left him. You admitted that you don't remember what happened when your mind turned off, you don't know how you came back to normal, you learned about what you abstracted from the others. All you hoped for was that Kinger wouldn't avoid you

He opened the entrance to his fortress for you, where you sat quietly together. No one could explain how you got back to normal, but Kinger didn't want to figure it out. He was just glad that you were back

🖕 Zooble x Reader 🦿

Zooble rarely showed emotions such as sadness. They weren't insensitive and upset when someone abstracted, but the fact that you became the one who abstracted especially hurt them. They could not have imagined that losing a loved one would be so painful

For Zooble, you weren't just close. You were someone they liked to spend time with, someone they trusted. They intended to have your wake, but something happened that no one expected. You came out of your room as if everything was fine, and you didn't understand why everyone was looking at you so shocked, as if you had died and risen

Zooble told you about what happened to you. Their story shocked you. You had absolutely no memory of what happened to you, but you understood that there was no point in lying to them, especially about such a serious thing. But now Zooble felt much calmer, because you really came back

Preparing the wake didn't make sense anymore and Zooble spent even more time with you. They didn't talk about it openly, but now they have a fear that they might lose you. Abstraction seemed like something far away, but now they were afraid that it might happen again. Therefore, they tried to spend as much time with you as possible, I hope that this can somehow help prevent you from abstracting again

🎩 Caine x Reader 👀

Caine saw how one by one the players abstracted. He didn't treat it as something serious, like a lot of things. But it was different with you. He liked you, even though it shouldn't have been. But when you abstracted, he felt something that he hadn't felt before when it happened to others. He felt the pain of losing a loved one

All he could do was hide you with the others. He would have liked to change everything, to get you back to normal, but he couldn't do anything. But when he saw it, he thought it was a system error. It was only when he touched you that he calmed down. You were really alive, although he saw exactly how you abstracted

Neither you nor Caine knew how it happened. You didn't remember how you abstracted. You only remembered how your eyes started to darken and your mind started to shut down, after which you woke up in your room. Caine understood perfectly well that it was strange and he could not explain what had happened, but decided not to think about it, because it was much more important that you were there again

He discovered an understanding of what he felt for you and now he wanted to tell you about it. Caine didn't know if what happened to you would happen again, but he hoped that he could prevent you from turning into a monster and not lose you again

[epiicaricacy-arts]

oh we’re still so young, desperate for attention

this was super experimental so i will talk about my process (+ clearer version) under the cut

i’ve been looking at a lot of “messier” or more textured painting styles recently and an artist that stuck out to me is clariondeluna ! they posted a self-portrait recently that i really liked and i was super interested in the brushwork seen in their work. i love all the textures and how the shapes feel so loose yet everything is so detailed.

that’s not a method for me at all!!!! i cannot paint like that at all and the stuff i like to paint is very different to theirs. which is okay!!!! i had no intention to copy this artists style so closely like with what i tried to do in my raiden painting, i just wanted to try this style out :^)

it’s been a goal of mine to avoid over-rendering like i tend to do a lot, and i think i’ve been doing good with that recently! the mindset i’ve got going on right now is that if i find myself staring at it too hard for too long, i have to leave it and move on. if there’s still something wrong with it, i can fix it later once ive got a fresh view!

i’ve been trying a lot of things with my art this year. i always try to challenge myself with each piece, and to end the year off i wanted to be as uncomfortable as i possibly could be with this painting. i let myself draw whatever i wanted because i still wanted to enjoy it, but everything i did in this process was new, including parts of the subject matter.

i’ve never drawn a head at an angle like this, and i struggle with drawing mouths open. i don’t do bold lighting like this, and if i do, it’s not fire. i’ve never drawn fire! i also rarely work with warm colours and i hate using green, so i combined those to be my colour palette. i like working cleanly so instead of having a dozen different layers for one section, each section only had 1-2 layers for rendering. instead of clipping masks i would simply paint over things loosely and clean it up later. i never like having limbs cut off in a drawing so i had his other arm go GOD knows where. i don’t like weird patterned backgrounds so i made myself figure out how to like it!

IS THIS MY FAVOURITE PIECE OF ALL TIME. no. absolutely not. but i’m very proud of how this came out with all the challenges i put on myself. i WANTED to get better at these things and be more broad with my art, both in terms of the styles and subjects i portray.

okay let’s talk about wtf this drawing is

for those who don’t know, the design in this painting is my fatui/“Father” lyney fan design (read the design post here). the concept isnt super complicated and i don’t really have much explanation for it, but i wanted to combine the story of how lyney wanted a delusion before getting his vision, fire eating circus acts and how olympic medalists will bite their medal to prove it’s real??? don’t quote me on that i’m like 75% sure that’s a thing that happens. i don’t watch sports though so im just believing someone i heard on the internet ages ago.

anyways. i think fire eating acts are cool. and i think the fact that lyney wanted a delusion is very interesting to me. scratches my brain in the right places. and yk as a magician lyneys character revolves a lot around fooling people and creating illusions so i guess what im saying here is that lyney is trying to prove to himself that this power he’s been bestowed is real. bc his whole life his only constant has been lynette so he is trying to see if he can trust this new power. cause i guess this is an alternate universe where lyney does eventually become “Father” but he never got his vision ??? idk im not making lore for this i just wanted to dress up this funny little guy.

ok i’m done

thanks for reading

here’s my dog

[ozzaban]

TADC theory: Pomni is Steven Universe

...I mean, Pomni is the Digital Circus's Steven, as in:

Someone "new" to a world that cames to help those struggling with traumas and mental health.

First of all, I'm not saying they are the same kind of character—they're VERY different. Pomni is reserved, logical, critic and a bit selfish, while Steven is bubbly, social, naive and usually puts others first. But they do have something in common: both are kind and empathetic.

Pomni has already helped Gummigoo, and looking at the Ep. 3 trailer it appears that she'll help Kinger too. Pomni will probably help each character, allowing us to learn more about them alongside her. Though a huge difference here is that she won't be EVERYWHERE like Steven is.

One interesting point is that while Steven goes out of his way to help others, for now Pomni seems to only try to stop and help someone if she really needs to. She appeared reluctant before reaching out to Gummigoo, but did it because she needed his help to leave that place.

So one of Pomni's roles as the protagonist might be that of a ""therapist"" who also becomes more open to others, especially in the character-focused episodes. It would be interesting if everything escalates and she ends up really messed up later on, like what happened to Steven.

I kinda like the idea, but depends A LOT on how it'd be executed.

Also keep in mind SU is a generally positive series with a lot of uplifting messages regarding serious real life stuff. I'm not sure yet if that's the case with TADC, so I'm really curious about where it's going.

[foreverisntenough]

‘Act II’

Summary: Attraction is like a gravitational pull that is undefinable and unavoidable. Unbeknownst to you, Jude had been keeping an eye on you since he caught a glimpse on his best friend’s girlfriend’s Instagram but he’s been loving his single life. You always were independent and know how to swim on your own but maybe you have been just treading water. Could the tides change on a holiday in Greece when you finally meet? It might get a little rocky but maybe you could be his paradise.

Index

Warnings: This series is 18+ MDNI

Note: Thank you for reading! Please be sure to like, comment, or message me what you think of the series! ‘Act II’ is interconnected to the 'You’re Mine' and 'Ours' Series but can read it independently.

Chapter 21 - 'Space ' | ‘Act II’

word count - 11.6k

What had once been whispers of curiosity around your identity and your relationship had exploded into a full-blown storm of scrutiny. Lots of blurry photos, finding Jude in your likes, if his hand in your photo was actually his, was the girl in his Instagram story you, you were in his box at games, Trent followed you all of it crumbs people were devouring. People could put two and two together but there was no confirmation nothing concrete until now. People speculated long since you’d been with Jude but things had hit the fan since Jude’s series premiered. It was a great success and you were happy for him. That said, the media circus surrounding you that followed felt relentless, suffocating, and inescapable. Every day, there was a new headline, a new rumor, a new comment about your relationship with Jude, and it was all tearing at you, slowly and painfully. The real news outlets—legitimate and respected—reported on you as though you were a story in and of yourself. ‘Jude Bellingham’s Girlfriend: Who Is She?’ It felt like you were under a microscope, your entire life, your every move, analyzed and criticized. It wasn’t just the tabloids; even major news outlets began weighing in on your character, speculating on your intentions. You were labeled ‘the mysterious girlfriend,’ but that label morphed, depending on who was writing the story. On Twitter, it was chaos. The football fanatics, a community you had once wanted to read, became a battleground. You were a distraction, a curse on Jude’s career to some. Others dissected every photo, every glance Jude gave you, reading into it like their lives depended on it. And the girls—Jude’s fangirls—took it harder than anyone. You empathized, you’d loved certain celebrities before too but it got to a point where they weren’t just jealous, they were angry. Furious that you existed, that you were the one who got to be with him. Comments flooded in daily, accusing you of being a gold digger, someone chasing fame and fortune. Some said you were beautiful, and then the next post would call you ugly, tearing apart your appearance in ways that made your stomach churn. You read the most vile things, words that you couldn’t unsee, and the bile would rise in your throat every time you opened your phone.

You were now with England’s golden boy and Madrid’s biggest star. The paparazzi had become a constant presence, following you and Jude whenever you stepped outside in Madrid. You hadn’t realized what it meant to be with someone in the public eye like this until now. They camped outside restaurants, clubs, even Jude’s training ground, just waiting for a shot of the two of you together. They’d call out to you, hoping you’d slip up and give them a headline. Some days, you didn’t even want to leave the house. Going out with Jude had become exhausting. You’d stopped going to dinner with him, and the few times you did, you felt the weight of a hundred cameras flashing, capturing your every move. It wasn’t just the photos that hurt; it was the narrative. It felt surreal like you didn’t understand why this had ramped up to this caliber. The only factor that changed was your being. It was hard not to take it personally. Every publication seemed bent on tearing you and Jude apart. Whether it was speculating about other women or hinting that you were inadequate for this life, the goal seemed clear—break you down, and by extension, break him too. The constant barrage of opinions, of strangers tearing at your life, made you feel like you were unraveling. One minute, you were painted as Jude’s perfect match—beautiful, supportive, kind. The next, you were the villain, some opportunist trying to tear him away from his game, or worse, someone manipulating him for his fame and fortune. You had never been so conscious of how people perceived you. You had never cared so much, but now, with every headline, every tweet, every cruel comment, you felt like you were drowning. You couldn’t win no matter what you did. You started to avoid your phone altogether, but the silence wasn’t any better. You still knew what was out there. You were living in a constant state of anxiety, unsure when the next blow would land, but knowing that it inevitably would. The pressure was tearing at you, making you question everything. And worst of all, it was beginning to seep into your relationship with Jude. You knew it wasn’t his fault, but you couldn’t help the fear that eventually, the weight of it all would be too much for either of you to bear.

So call it karma, call it irony, but the series coming out with you in it had massively affected you—not Jude. Your worries expressed to Denise flipped. He seemed to not mind the attention, smiling whenever he saw online comments gassing you up for being beautiful, sweet, and such a supportive girlfriend. You could see how proud he was, showing you off to the world like you were his greatest treasure. Jude thrived on the validation, but for you, it was different. You thought back to when Denise had told you not to worry about him. At the time, you believed her, trusting that things would work out, but now that was all you could do—worry. She was right you didn’t need to worry about Jude. You should’ve worried about yourself. Every day felt like a constant battle to keep yourself afloat under the weight of the scrutiny that came with being Jude Bellingham’s girlfriend. The online comments were relentless, harsher than you had ever imagined. People picked apart every aspect of your life, your appearance, your relationship with Jude—everything was fair game. It felt like you couldn’t even breathe without it being analyzed or criticized. The deeper into your relationship with Jude you got, the more fragile you felt, like your confidence was slipping through your fingers. It was unsettling. Before all of this, you were strong, self-assured. Comments online never would’ve bothered you in the slightest. But now, they felt like daggers aimed at your heart, and you couldn’t shake the anxiety that came with them. Even leaving the house felt impossible. The idea of running into paparazzi or fans made your skin crawl. You were supposed to be living this exciting life in Madrid, but instead, you found yourself trapped—trapped by the fear of what people would say or do, of how they’d judge you. You had been planning to talk to Jude about officially moving to Madrid, making it your home together. You’d even started daydreaming about it, how you’d make space in the wardrobe, build a life with him in the city that adored him. But now, the thought of staying in Madrid filled you with dread. All you wanted was to run—to get as far away from this city as you could. To escape the noise, the cameras, the judgment. 

You kept replaying moments in your head—what if you had said no to being in the series? Would things be different? Would you feel more in control? The fame, the exposure—it was swallowing you whole, and you didn’t know how to break free. You hated that it had come to this, that you couldn’t even enjoy being with Jude the way you used to. You had loved him fiercely, but now you felt like loving him was breaking you down, piece by piece. And the worst part was, you weren’t sure how to tell him. How do you explain to the person you love that the life he was thriving in—the life he was proud to have you by his side for—was suffocating you? You knew Jude would understand, but there was a part of you that worried he might feel hurt, like you were rejecting his life, not just the chaos that came with it. But you couldn’t keep going like this. You had to talk to him, even if it meant admitting that all you wanted right now was to get the hell out of Madrid. Jude could sense it eventually. The shift in your mood, the weight on your shoulders—he saw it all. He’d been seeing the online discourse for days now. It was everywhere: news articles, social media threads, debates about your relationship. It was unavoidable, and he hated the way he watched it begin to ransack you. One morning, as you stood in the kitchen quietly making coffee, Jude came up behind you. His arms slipped around your waist, pulling you into him as he rested his chin on your shoulder. 

“I know you’re having a hard time,” he cooed, his voice barely audible. He could feel the tension between you two, and it hurt. You’d been distant, not in a way that screamed anger, but in a way that told him you were struggling, and he didn’t know how to help. “I’m sorry.”  He whispered. You let out a shaky breath, your hands gripping the edge of the counter. Finally you had hit a wall and Jude’s apology just sent you over the edge. 

“This… it’s just too much, Jude.” Your voice was small, broken. His stomach dropped. What was too much? he wondered. Was he too much? Was his life and everything that came with it weighing on you? Jude’s heart raced as he tried to figure out what you meant.

“What do you mean? What’s too much?” His voice cracked slightly as he feared the worst. He felt like a kid again, afraid of losing something precious. You wiped a tear from your cheek, your voice barely holding steady. 

“Everything. The show, the articles, the comments. I don’t know how to handle all of it… It feels like the world’s looking at me through a magnifying glass, judging every move, and I don’t know if I’m strong enough for that. I don’t know why I agreed to this. Like why…” You questioned. Not really to Jude particularly but into the room. Jude tightened his hold on you, his forehead pressing into the side of your neck. He took a deep breath, trying to steady himself.

“I was excited,” he admitted softly. “I wanted to show you off to the world. I thought… I don’t know, I thought maybe it would make things easier, being more open. People would know you, love you the way I do. I’m so sorry. I didn’t think you’d feel this way, what this would actually do to you.  I should’ve protected you more. I should’ve thought about what all of this would do.” His voice faltered as guilt settled in. You sighed knowing his initial intentions were good. But he saw the comments too and he wasn't naive. “Baby, but before this came out, before people were talking, you know that was why I wasn’t posting you on my Instagram. We’ve talked about this. I told you I would but we decided it was best the other way. We knew what we were doing before and we know what we’re doing now. It’ll be okay but I’m sorry, angel.” You shook your head, feeling the tears stream down your face. 

“Jude… I’m not mad at you. I know it was a joint decision. It’s just overwhelming. I’m not used to this, and it’s making me question everything. I don’t know how to handle it.” You cried. 

“I didn’t want this to hurt you. I’m sorry… I hate that it’s hurting you.” He held you tighter, his breath shaky as he whispered into your hair.  You started to cry harder, and Jude stood there, holding you, breathing you in. He wished he had the right words, something to take the pain away. But instead, he just stood there, silently holding you, as if his embrace alone could make everything better. This chasm between you two, these conversations happened often after the series release and it was pushing you to your limits. Every camera flash felt like a tick on a time bomb. 

“You’re in the show!!!” Whitney called, her voice practically screaming through the phone after she watched the documentary.

“I’m in the show,” you confirmed, but your tone lacked the excitement she expected. There was a pause on the other end of the line, confusion creeping into Whitney’s voice.

“Wait, what’s wrong? You don’t sound happy,” she asked, still giddy but now more concerned. You sighed heavily, rubbing your temple. 

“Have you been online?” you asked, knowing the answer would explain everything.

“In general, I mean recipes and shopping but evidently not where you’ve been, why?” Whitney asked, still cheerful but growing cautious as she sensed your unease. You swallowed hard. 

“The internet’s… the football internet it’s a lot right now. Since the docuseries came out, people have been going insane. Fan girls are in meltdown mode, and then there are supporters just judging every little thing about our relationship and how it’s been affecting Jude, timelines, backgrounds of photos, people just shitting on me. It’s too much.” You explained to her. 

“Yeah, but it’s good that Jude was just like, ‘Here’s my girlfriend, I adore her,’ and then hit publish. It’s so him and you! It’s cute.” Whitney tried to keep the mood light but you cut her off gently. 

“Whitney…” You could hear her stop in her tracks on the other end. “It’s not just the good stuff. People are losing their minds because he’s never posted me on his Instagram before. Despite that being on purpose… we decided that… I know that but that doesn’t matter because they’re saying he’s hiding me so he can cheat, or that he doesn’t really care about me.” You sheepishly confided in her. 

“I know how that goes. How fun.” Whitney sarcastically quipped with a sigh . Unfortunately she knew all too well the pleasantries of launching of a relationship with a footballer. You nodded, even though she couldn’t see you. 

“I know… but it’s getting to be too much. Going online feels like a war zone. Every time I log in, there’s some new thread, some new rumor. I’m struggling, Whit. We didn’t actively hide our relationship before, but because Jude wasn’t posting about me either, and people are running with that. Apparently an instagram post is the only valid form of commitment.” You sighed at the dumb reality you were in.  

“Babe, I know how bad it can get. I mean England is a shit show for me. I can't imagine what Spain’s like matched with Jude.” Whitney’s voice softened empathizing with you. 

“It’s just… overwhelming. I don’t know how to deal with it.” You sighed again.  Whitney paused for a moment, then her voice came through steady. 

“You don’t have to deal with it alone. Jude loves you, and anyone who really knows you two knows that. But maybe it’s time you guys talk about how public things have gotten and what that means go forward. You don’t deserve to feel like this and definitely not like this and alone.” She cooed gently. You nodded again in agreement, her words providing some comfort. “Can I be honest for a second?” Whitney spoke and you hummed but nervously. Whitney would always give honest opinions but if she was prefacing things like this you knew it ought to be serious. “There’s no use in you two just having conversations about how much you hate it because… of course you do but he can’t do anything about it. This is Jude Bellingham to all these other people. Unfortunately, he’s not your Jude, he’s theirs. I know it’s hard to hear that, it’s actually the worst feeling in the world but… Your Jude exists. And you two need to have honest conversations about what you do go forward to maintain your relationship because whilst as much as he can’t change who he is… neither can you. You matter just as much in this.” Whitney cooed and you frowned at her accurate call out. 

“Yeah, you’re right. I just… I don’t know how to handle the pressure right now.” You admitted sadly. It’s not like you’d never been in the papers before, had your photograph taken, it’d happened but nothing, never to this level. Nothing that caused hate like this. Whitney was right but a part of you questioned if you really could maintain a relationship with Jude Bellingham… Not just Jude. 

“I’m here for you,” Whitney reassured. “And so is Jude. Don’t let the noise get to you. You’ve got so many people who love you. Screw the rest. It’ll be fine, you’re not always in Madrid right now anyways,” she said, trying to ease the pressure, but instead, it crumbled you. Whitney’s excitement over seeing you in Jude’s documentary had been so full of joy but it had disappeared now. Her lighthearted comment about not always being in Madrid had hit you like a wave crashing too hard. You hadn’t realized how much you were holding inside until she said it. Tears began to spill, hot and heavy, and you couldn’t stop them. Whitney’s voice shifted immediately, her playful tone giving way to soft, loving concern. “Oh no, hun. I’m so sorry. Don’t cry, it’s going to be okay,” she cooed, trying to console you through the phone. “I know how bad it can feel. I mean, you were there for me when I went through it. The hate… it still happens to me too But you’re gonna be okay.” She tried to relate. You knew she did, she’d lived this, if there was anyone you’d want advice from right now it was her but in real time it wasn’t enough and suddenly there was a snap. Rash and fast. 

“I can’t do this anymore, Whit. It’s too much. I need to get out of here.”  Through shaky breaths, you managed to tell her you needed to leave Madrid.  Whitney, ever the voice of reason and love, tried to soothe you. 

“I know it feels impossible right now, but storms always pass. You just have to hang on, lean on Jude. You can call me all the time. Don’t leave somewhere that might not feel like home right now but has someone that is home to you there.” She tried to rationalize. But she could hear it in your voice—she heard the breaking point. You weren’t hanging on, it was too much. You were already letting go. You were in fight or flight mode, and flight was taking over, fast.

“I need to leave, Whitney,” you whispered assertively, the decision settling deep in your chest. You felt sick admitting it. “I just… I can’t stay here.” Whitney’s heart broke for you on the other end of the line. 

“Alright,” she said, her voice gentle, even though you knew she didn’t want you to go. “Why don’t you go home just for a bit. I’ll meet you at home in Paris. You need to be somewhere you feel safe.” She told you. You needed to get away from the Madrid media onslaught. This conversation had flipped on it’s head Whitney felt sick at what you wanted but shed back you.

“Whitney,” you cautioned softly, knowing she had a baby to think of. 

“I’ll meet you in Paris, it’s fine,” she reassured you quickly. “Trent can take care of Ted. Don’t worry about that.” You sniffled, a small, sad smile breaking through as you thought of her sweet little girl. 

“Well, she could come too,” you pouted, wishing you could hold Teddy for some comfort. “I wouldn’t mind.” Whitney let out a soft laugh, knowing you needed the distraction but maybe not the distraction of Teddy. 

“No, no,” she said, with a teasing tone. “You need your bestie, not mum Whitney. Besides, Trent can handle her for a bit.” She cooed. “...I think.” She smiled.

“Trent and probably Dianne, but yeah, okay,” you giggled weakly, picturing Trent trying to juggle Teddy on his own. He could but it was funny to tease. Whitney’s light laugh on the other end of the line was soothing, even as the weight of your decision pressed on you.

“Don’t worry about them,” Whitney said, her voice full of love. “Just focus on you right now, okay? Tell Jude you just need to pop to France to take a breath... nothing he did. And then we’ll be there soon and we can shop and we can vent, some frites, champagne, whatever you want.” She cooed. And with that, you felt better knowing you’d see Whitney soon but telling Jude wasn’t exactly something you were looking forward to. It hadn’t been long—mere minutes, really—since your conversation with Whitney, and the weight of everything still clung to you like an invisible force as Jude walked in. His eyes softened when he saw you, a tired but warm smile on his face as he crossed the room, arms already outstretched for a hug. He didn’t know the storm that had just crashed into you but he could see fear in your eyes. 

“How you holding up, angel?” he asked gently, wrapping you in his embrace. The feeling of his arms around you was normally your anchor, your safe place. But today, it felt suffocating. You froze, the internal chaos rising too quickly to be silenced. You felt the need to escape, to run, to flee from this life that was spiraling beyond your control. It wasn’t rational, and deep down you knew that, but rationality wasn’t steering the wheel anymore. Without thinking, you pulled back abruptly, your movements sharp, and his hands slipped from your waist. It was like a bandaid you needed to rip off. It felt mean to do but you needed to get the fuck out of there. 

“I can’t do this, Jude,” you blurted the phrase once again, the words escaping before you had a chance to rethink them. His brow furrowed in confusion, concern instantly flooding his eyes.

“What?” he asked, taking a small step back, giving you space as his eyes searched yours, trying to understand. “What do you mean? What happened?” He questioned. Your heart was hammering in your chest, and the panic inside you only grew. 

“This… all of this,” you stammered, gesturing vaguely around, though it was less about the room and more about the life you found yourself in. “It’s too much. I need… I need to go.” Jude’s face fell, and you could see the hurt flash across his expression. It was like all at once you needed out. 

“Go? What are you talking about?” Jude asked confused because the tone in your voice had a lot of conviction. He knew you were having a hard time but… leave?

“I just can’t be here anymore,” you said, your voice shaking, tears threatening to fall. “I’m… I’m not cut out for this. I’m really sorry, I am but the pressure, the attention. It’s everywhere. I feel like I’m drowning, Jude and there’s nothing for me to hold onto here.” He took a step forward, his hands reaching for yours, but you pulled away. You could see the pain in his eyes, the confusion. 

“But I thought…” His voice cracked slightly, and he swallowed hard, trying to compose himself. “I thought we were okay. I thought you wanted to be here with me. We were gonna weather this together.” You shook your head, your words spilling out in a rush. Jude felt blindsided. 

“I do… I did… I do want to be with you, Jude, more than anything. But this… this chaos. I don’t know if I can handle it. The cameras, the comments, the scrutiny. I’m not strong enough for all of this.” You whimpered.  Jude was quiet for a moment, his chest rising and falling heavily as he took in your words. 

“Angel… please. You can. You’re stronger than you think,” he said quietly, his voice thick with emotion. “I don’t care about all that. I care about you. We can figure it out together.” But you were already spiraling, caught in a cycle of self-sabotage you couldn’t break. You wanted to go and meet Whitney asap.

“I need space,” you said, your voice barely above a whisper. “I need to go.” Jude’s face fell, his arms dropping to his sides as if he didn’t know what to do with them anymore. You were serious and he could tell.  He looked at you like he was watching his whole world start to slip through his fingers, and he couldn’t do anything to stop it. 

“Space?” he repeated, as if the word didn’t make sense. You nodded, your voice barely above a whisper. 

“I have no control here, Jude. Over anything… again” Your heart pounded in your chest, the weight of it all crushing you. All you could recall was everything you did before to try to gain complete control of everything in your life and now Madrid was spinning into a place where you were completely out of control. You had no work, your entire social standing was through Jude, the media was now watching everything you did, your schedule revolved around Jude’s schedule it was harrowing. “It’s your world here Jude and that’s okay but I just don’t know if I’m meant to be in it.” You murmured. 

“What are you saying.” He frantically asked you, panicking about what was unfolding right before his eyes. Everything slipping and fast. You weren’t even sure why things were moving so fast but as wrong as it felt… It felt right to want to leave. 

“I just want to go home.” You sheepishly told him. He blinked, confused, his face shifting from concern to hurt. This maybe wouldn’t be the way Whitney wanted you to explain things to him but it’s how the words were coming out.

“This is home,” he said softly, his voice breaking slightly. “Me. I’m home.” He looked at you devastated. “You’re home with me.” But the word ‘home’ felt foreign in your mouth now. Spain had never felt like yours, not completely. Not with the constant press even from the start till now, the cameras flashing in your face every time you stepped outside, the endless speculation about your relationship.

“It doesn’t feel like home. I’m sorry,” you whispered, tears already streaming down your cheeks. Jude’s face fell. His hand reached for yours instinctively, but you pulled away, and he winced as if you’d struck him. 

“Angel, please don’t do this,” he muttered, his voice barely holding steady. He hated seeing you like this. But worse than that, he hated that you were pulling away from him, something he didn’t know how to stop. “Please,” he whispered, his voice raw. “Don’t leave here…. Dont leave… me.” He begged but you were already halfway out the door in your mind, the fear of losing yourself greater than the fear of losing him in that moment. You knew you were making a mistake, but you couldn’t stop yourself. You had to fly. Jude felt sick. 

It was cynical but you left when he went to training. You didn’t want him to see you go. He couldn’t stop you. Not if he tried to and you knew it would hurt him more. You grabbed your bag, your sunglasses on before you even stepped out the door. The Spanish media was relentless, and even at the airport, they were there, as if they knew somehow, waiting. You prayed the oversized glasses hid the tear stains on your cheeks as you walked through the terminal, heart heavy.

You met Whitney in Paris just as planned, at the house that once felt like your sanctuary but now seemed like a place to hide from the world. The odd thing was you weren’t totally sure if you and Jude were broken up or if you just needed a breather. It was vague but the vagueness hurt. The second you walked through the door, the weight of it all came crashing down, and Whitney, sensing it immediately, wrapped you in a tight embrace. You cried into her shoulder before making your way to the living room, where you both sat, talking for hours. The soft glow of the Parisian street lights filtered through the windows, casting a golden hue over the room as you curled up on the couch, your legs tucked to your chest, tears still slipping down your cheeks.

“I just don’t know what to do anymore,” you hiccuped, your voice small and fragile. Whitney sat next to you, legs crossed, her hand rubbing slow, soothing circles on your back. You didn’t think you’d broken up but you didn’t know what Jude thought. You didn’t want to be but everything hurt, what were you staying in Madrid for? You questioned yourself. 

“I’m here, babe,” she said softly. “No matter what you decide, I’ve got you. But… I do think Spain is where you belong. I know it’s scary right now, but Jude would protect you. He loves you so much.” Whitney told you. She answered your internal question… Jude. Jude was who you were staying there for.  You sniffled, wiping your face with the back of your hand. 

“Maybe I just need to get rid of my phone entirely. If I didn’t see any of it, I wouldn’t feel at least half of all this.” Your voice broke as you said it, the suggestion half-serious, half-desperate. Whitney gave you a small, knowing smile, shaking her head gently. 

“Well, no, because then I couldn’t text you all my rants and you know I’d miss you too much or even sending baby pictures, you wouldn’t get to see Teddy girl.” She smiled softly. It was teasingly light but also a bit serious. You let out a watery laugh, though the sadness still lingered heavily in your chest. 

“Yeah, well… that’s true. Is that where I’m at though? Sacrificing my other relationships for this one with Jude.” You sighed. Whitney shook her head in disagreement. “Just throw my phone away, and live in Madrid, splitting time solely between the bedroom and the bernabeu.” You quipped. 

“That’s harsh…” She frowned. “That’s not all you are to him and it’s not the solution, hun,” she said, her voice soft but firm. “You don’t have to cut yourself off from everything to be okay. You wouldn't like it and Jude wouldn’t want that for you. You just need to remember how strong you actually are.” You looked at her through tear-blurred eyes, and she smiled at you, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. “You’ve always been strong. You’ve gotten through so much already. This… this won’t break you.”  You weren’t sure if you believed her. You felt so fragile, like one more push and you’d shatter completely. But Whitney had always seen you in a way you struggled to see yourself—as capable, resilient, and brave but she also was acutely aware of your vulnerabilities most people didn’t even know existed.  It made you trust her so maybe, just maybe, she was right. That night you laid in bed, staring up at the ceiling, her words echoing in your mind. ‘You’re stronger than you think.’ You wanted to believe that. You wanted to feel like that strong person Whitney knew. But right now, all you could do was try to close your eyes, take a deep breath, and hope that tomorrow, the decision would come with a little more clarity.

Somehow, your absence felt worse than the first time you’d left. Jude couldn’t function. His routines fell apart, and even on the pitch, he wasn’t the same. He found himself staring at his phone, waiting for a message that wouldn’t come. He went to training, tried to keep busy, but there was always this hollow feeling that followed him around. In interviews, people asked how he was. He’d plaster on a smile, give some vague answer about ‘focus’ and ‘commitment’ but inside, he was crumbling. He couldn’t have been less focused or less committed. The Spanish media swirled with rumors— more about you, more about the relationship, it felt like a manhunt for both information and your location.  Every second without you felt longer, the space between you two growing wider with each passing hour. He had no control, no way of fixing things, and the weight of it was suffocating him.

Toby arrived at Jude’s place after Jude’s sparse texts and seeing the fallout in the news. He had been worried ever since the rumors started circulating it could get to this point and now here you were. As he stepped inside, he found the house eerily quiet, dark even. Jude was lying on the couch, barely moving, the glow from the TV casting long shadows across the room. Toby stood in the doorway for a moment, taking it in. He knew his friend well enough to understand the weight Jude was carrying.

“Bro, you’re really going through it, huh?” Toby teased softly, trying to lighten the mood as he walked in. But the joke didn’t land. Jude barely moved. Toby let out a breath and crossed the room, sitting down beside him. He reached out and slapped Jude on the leg in a loving best friend way, strong and reassuring. “She went home?” Toby asked gently after a moment. Jude let out a low hum of acknowledgment, his face still buried in his hands. It hurt to hear Toby unintentionally rub in that Paris was more of a home to you then there was. 

“Yeah,” Jude whispered, his voice barely audible. Toby leaned back, trying to find the right words to say next but Jude spoke first. “Man, fuck, I really thought this was gonna take off in a good way….Like the documentary, showing everyone how much I love her, making it public. I thought she’d see that, you know?” Jude sighed, rubbing his face. 

“Mate, it’s a lot. Like, even my Instagram comments get insane… and hers, right now? They’re nuts. People are just relentless.” Toby explained to Jude. It’s not that he didn’t know or was naive enough to believe it was all happy and fine but Toby could stomach reading the nasty ones where Jude turned a blind eye.  “Fuck.” Jude suddenly yelled, sitting up and throwing his hands over his face in frustration. He groaned, wishing he could be anyone but Jude Bellingham right now. “I never wanted this to hurt her. I thought I was doing the right thing, I just—I just wanted to show her off. I thought it would be special, something good for us. Now she’s gone, and I feel like I fucked it.” Toby watched him, understanding the pressure Jude was under. He let him vent before speaking again, calmer this time.

“I think you can sort it. You’ve got to make Madrid feel like home for the both of you, man. Not just your home, yours together,” Toby threw out his idea, emphasizing the last word…’together.’ “She needs to feel like this isn’t just your life and she’s tagging along. Like as much as it’s a luxury…It must be so hard for her, coming here, dealing with the media, trying to keep up with your world.” Toby looked at Jude with sympathy.  Jude sat back, taking a deep breath. He knew Toby was right. It had always been about Jude’s world—the football, the media, the pressures of being in the spotlight. He thought involving you in that would make you feel special, but maybe it was suffocating you instead. 

“I just don’t know how to fix it.” Jude mumbled. 

“You can’t just sit here like a mopping melt. You’ve gotta make a plan, bro. You need to show her that you’re building something together. Madrid can’t just be where you live, where you play. It has to be a place where you both can see yourselves, where she feels like she belongs. You need to decide together how to make it work, not just for you, but for her too.” Toby told Jude seriously shuffling on the couch, adjusting in his seat. “Mate, it’s sick what you’ve accomplished and it’s not your fault but she needs to feel like she’s worth 120 million too because otherwise the balance is off even when you’re home here.” Toby awkwardly and carefully told Jude. He didn’t want to knock Jude but of anyone… he knew what being on the other end of a relationship with Jude could feel like.  Jude nodded, letting Toby’s words sink in. He knew he needed to step up. He needed to find a way to make this work, to build a life with you, not just around his football career but around the both of you. “She’s good for you, I know it took me a minute to understand that but she’s worth it, man ” Toby added. “And you know it.” Jude leaned his head back against the couch, closing his eyes for a moment. 

“Yeah, she is. I’ve just gotta figure out how to make her feel like this is her home too. That’s the plan.” Jude echoed him. 

It was well past midnight. Your house in Paris was still and quiet, save for the soft sound of Whitney’s steady breathing beside you. You had chosen to stay in the same bed, even though there were plenty of rooms in the house to retreat to. But tonight, you couldn’t bear the thought of being alone, not when everything felt like it was caving in on you. The weight of it all pressed down, and as you lay there, still staring at the ceiling, you could feel the lump in your throat growing. The tears came first in silent streaks, warm and fast down your cheeks. You turned your head slightly, careful not to disturb Whitney, trying to keep it together. But the more you tried to stifle it, the harder it became. The sobs started to break through, your body shaking as you tried to muffle the sounds in your pillow. You didn’t want to wake her. You didn’t want her to know how much you were unraveling, even though she already had a pretty good idea. Unable to stay in bed any longer, you quietly slipped out, padding your way to the bathroom. You shut the door softly behind you, leaning against it for a moment as you tried to catch your breath. The walls felt like they were closing in, your reflection in the mirror barely recognizable, eyes red and swollen from crying. Without even thinking, you reached for your phone, dialing the only person you wanted to talk to. Jude answered almost immediately.

“Angel?” Jude choked out, his voice rough, caught somewhere between sleep and emotion. “You okay?” He asked almost mindlessly.

“I’m sorry. I miss you so much,” you managed to get out, your voice broken and strained from the sobs that were coming from your chest. On the other end, Jude’s breath caught. You could hear him trying to hold it together, but there was a soft whimper in his voice. 

“I know, Angel, I know,” he whispered, his voice tender and filled with emotion. “I miss you too.” You couldn’t stop the tears from falling, couldn’t stop the overwhelming need to be with him, to have him there holding you, telling you everything would be okay. 

“I don’t want to be apart. I don’t want to lose my Jude,” you gasped, barely able to get the words out between your sobs.

“Angel, you’re not going to lose me, I promise,” Jude said softly, his voice steady, though you could hear the strain. “Just come back to me, please. We’ll sort this out together. I need you here with me.” He tried to tell you as calmly as possible but he had been in a panic since you left. “I can’t…I can’t get to you right now.” He told you and your heart dropped. This was it. This was the problem. Jude’s world. You knew he had a football tomorrow, knew he needed to focus, and yet here you were, falling apart when he needed to keep his head in the game. This was Jude’s world. He heard you hiccup, your breathing ragged. “I know,angel and I’m sorry.. Fuck… I’m sorry,” Jude said, his voice cracking slightly, he never felt more guilty but he tried to toughen up for the sake of the relationship. “But I need you here. I need you with me, angel. I can’t stand knowing you’re crying like this, mon ange.” His attempt at French, though sweet and familiar, broke something inside you. It was his way of reminding you that you were his, that no matter the chaos or the distance, you were his.

“I just—” you started, but the tears were making it hard to speak. You took a deep breath, trying to calm yourself down, but it was no use. You were crumbling.

“Come on, yeah?” Jude’s voice was so soft, so gentle. You could hear the deep breath he took on the other side of the line, as if trying to breathe for both of you. “Please, baby. Come home to me. I’ve got you. I know it’s been shit but I’ll take care of you.  Come back to our home. I’m gonna work so hard to make it better for you back here. Promise. I love you so much.” The sobs came again, but this time there was something different about them. There was a comfort, a peace in his words, in knowing that Jude wasn’t going anywhere, that he loved you and wanted to be with you through all of it.

“... Okay.” You whimpered between another onslaught of tears. You couldn’t stop but you wanted to go back. 

“Okay? Why are you crying again, huh?” Jude teased lightly, his voice breaking the tension in your chest. “I love you, and you’re going to come home. That’s a good thing, right?” You couldn’t help but let out a sad little giggle through the tears, the weight of everything easing just slightly at his words. 

“Yeah,” you whispered, your voice small but sincere. “Yeah, it is.” You could almost see the smile on his face as he let out a relieved sigh. 

“Good,” he murmured. “Now get back to bed, yeah? And when you wake up, I’ll get you on a plane back to your Jude, come back home to me. I need you here.” You could hear the sad smile in his voice. You could feel the tension evaporating. 

“I will,” you promised, your voice still thick with emotion but steadier now. “I love you, Jude.”

“I love you, angel. So much.” The conversation lingered in the air even after you hung up, his words wrapping around you like a warm blanket. You stood in the bathroom for a moment longer, wiping at your eyes, feeling the tiniest bit lighter, the tiniest bit more whole. You weren’t alone in this. You had Jude, and you had his love. Whitney had heard you get up, even though you had tried to be quiet. She always had a knack for knowing when you were in distress, not just because she was your best friend but because she was maternal, too. When you returned to bed, wiping your eyes, you found her sitting up against the headboard, her phone in hand, but her attention completely on you. Her face softened with a knowing, sympathetic smile.

“You ready to go home now?” she asked gently, her tone light but understanding. She knew you’d go back from the moment you stepped into Paris. You needed the space, yes, but more than that, you needed the reminder. Tabloid chaos aside, you wanted Jude. You loved him, and this moment was just another test of that love. You nodded silently, the lump still in your throat, and crawled back into bed beside her. She immediately wrapped her arms around you, pulling you into her warmth. “Mum’s know best,” she murmured with a smile, kissing the top of your head. It made you laugh through the remnants of your tears. You wiped your face on the sleeve of your shirt, grateful for her being there. 

“Can I see the latest of our Teddy girl?” you asked, shifting the focus. “You’ve been holding out on me since we’ve only been talking about my drama.” Whitney laughed softly, shaking her head. 

“Of course, I’ve got plenty but I’ll warn you. It’ll make you smile soo…” she said with a smirk, unlocking her phone and pulling up the videos.  You smiled warmed already. Whitney’s phone illuminated the darkened room with a soft glow, and as she found the video of Teddy, you instinctively leaned your head onto her shoulder, feeling the warmth of her presence. A tender smile crossed your face, already knowing that whatever was about to play would melt your heart, as always. The still frame of Teddy’s chubby cheeks, round and flushed with Trent’s unmistakable dimples, filled the screen. She looked like a little cherub, her innocence and sweetness enough to make you want to squeeze her through the phone. The video began to play, Whitney’s voice, soft and encouraging, coming through. 

“Say hi, please,” she said gently, as if coaxing Teddy into sharing her little message with you. Teddy’s tiny voice, a bit jumbled but unmistakably adorable, echoed from the phone. 

“Hi.” She then fell into giggles at nothing but the hello. “I miss. You come back home with mama… and treat for me pleabs, tay?” Her request was so sincere, so pure, that it tugged at your heartstrings. You giggled, tilting your head further into Whitney’s shoulder, letting the warmth of the moment wash over you. Whitney gasped playfully in the video, her voice laughing as she questioned her little girl. 

“What! Y/N and a treat?” She asked before the sound of her tickling of Teddy’s chubby tummy filled the audio, followed by her baby’s uncontrollable giggles.

“Oh my god, I miss her so much,” you pouted, feeling the familiar ache in your chest. You missed Teddy’s soft little arms around your neck, the way her laughter filled the house when you visited.

“Want tiny cakes, mama! Pink pleabs!” She yelped, muddied her own giggles.

“She means macaroons by the way,” Whitney clarified to you now, shaking her head with a fond smile. Teddy loved her little ‘treats,’ always asking for those delicate, colorful pastries. You let out a whiny sigh, your lips forming into an exaggerated pout. 

“I want to eat herrrrr,” you joked, the words escaping your mouth in a playful whimper as you watched the screen. Whitney laughed, her giggle soft but infectious, the same way Teddy’s was. 

“Yeah, well, she wants to eat a macaroon, so… are we going tomorrow? I don’t think she’ll let me in without a treat from Y/N.” She looked at you with a teasing smile, knowing full well that you’d never deny Teddy anything.

“Of course, we’re getting her some!” you exclaimed, your excitement bubbling over. There was a pasty shop near your home in Paris you loved and you often either mailed, hand delivered or even once before taken Teddy to the shop. It was sweet literally and figuratively but now your presence was synonymous with yummy macaroons for the little girl. The thought of seeing Teddy, her joy over a simple treat, was enough to lift your spirits, even if just for a little while. All of this was the perfect distraction, the perfect antidote to your spiraling thoughts. As the video ended, Whitney continued scrolling through her camera roll, showing you more snippets of her, Trent and Teddy’s world. Videos of her Teddy learning new words, her high-pitched giggles as she ran around the house, her tiny feet padding along wooden floors. You could feel yourself relaxing, sinking into the comfort of these moments. In another one, Teddy was babbling in that adorable toddler way, trying to string together sentences as she played with one of her toys. She looked up at the camera, her little eyes wide with wonder, and you felt a pang of longing. You missed being around her, Whitney, and Trent—this little family that made your heart feel so full. Whitney paused on a particular video, her face softening with an affectionate smile.  

“You know,” Whitney said, her voice casual but pointed. She turned to you, her eyes twinkling with a soft smile. “I heard a rumbling from that little girl that Jude’s thinking of a big future with you.” You blinked, momentarily caught off guard, but the meaning of her words quickly sank in. You giggled, the vagueness of her comment amusing, but also strangely reassuring. 

“Oh really? Teddy’s got all the inside scoop, huh?” You cooed. Whitney raised an eyebrow playfully. 

“She does. And it’s a big deal, babe.” You smirked, trying to play it cool, though your heart fluttered at the idea. 

“Well, it only makes sense she knows my future before me,” you teased. “Besides, obviously I’d need Teddy’s go-ahead for anything big, right? Judey is hers after all.” You teased. Whitney hummed in agreement.

“Leaving Madrid included. You're not ditching Judey without her say." She added with a mischievous grin, knowing full well how close Jude was with her daughter and how much you shouldn’t leave Jude. “But seriously… He’s all in, babe.” The warmth of her words lingered. Jude thinking of a future with you, something solid, something more, was a thought you hadn’t fully let yourself embrace yet. But hearing it from Whitney, someone who knew both you and Jude so well, it felt real. It felt possible. As you settled back into bed, your heart was a little lighter, your mind a little more at ease. You knew that soon, you’d be heading back to Madrid—not just to Jude, but to the life you were building together, even if it came with complications and challenges. For now, you allowed yourself to take comfort in Whitney’s arms and the sweet, innocent sound of Teddy’s giggles in the background. You stayed in the same bed, finding comfort in the familiarity, the closeness of your best friend at a time when you needed it most.

With macaroons secured and Whitney on her way back home in the opposite direction, you were headed to Madrid again. When your flight landed, you thought you were seeing things after you left your terminal. A figure in your sightline but just far enough away for their features to be blurred stood. It was an eerily familiar frame that made your heart ache but you walked towards anyways needing to get outside. As you got closer your stomach turned. And there, patiently awaiting for a car service in the arrivals was Jobe Bellingham. You never expected to run into him yet there he was, dimples sunk into his cheeks as he looked at something on his phone. It was both comforting to see him and anxiety producing all at once. What did he know? Why was he here? A part of you dreaded needing to be in the same area, an unavoidable conversation looming. He stood, hand in his pockets, looking a bit out of place but familiar all the same. You watched a cheekier smile grow on his face when he picked up his gaze and watched you unwillfully approach. You felt a bit awkward though, things were resolved to a degree with Jude but you knew Jobe would know about how tense things had gotten. It was both endearing and annoying how close Jude was with his family. 

“Look who it is” he said, his voice hesitant but eyebrows raised to tease. You could tell he also was a little unsure of how to approach this but he was sweet as ever.

“Hi,” you stammered back, still caught off guard by his presence. Before you could even process it, Jobe had pulled you into a hug. It was awkward at first, but then, it felt like home—a reminder of the bond you’d built with Jude’s family. He held onto you a little tighter, sensing you were on the verge of something deeper than just surprise. 

“You alright?” he asked quietly, concern lacing his words. You didn’t respond right away. Instead, you buried your face against him and, without warning, you started crying. Your tears came unexpectedly, like a dam breaking, as you clung to him for a moment longer than you should have. “Hey, you’re good,” Jobe whispered, his hand rubbing your back soothingly, trying to calm you down. He pulled away after a moment, looking down at you with a soft expression. 

“Why are you in Madrid?” you blurted out, your voice shaky, though the answer was obvious. Jobe chuckled, understanding the confusion in your mind. “I mean, I know why… but,” you quickly added, shaking your head at yourself embarrassed by your words. He let out a short laugh, easing the tension. 

“Obviously to see Jude,” he smirked. “But, yeah. He’s a mess without you. So here I am… next best thing,” Jobe shrugged. He was always going to be there for Jude. It was the most natural thing in the world to be there, ready to back his brother.

“I don’t want him to be a mess,” you pouted, feeling guilty all over again. The weight of your recent decisions hit you harder now that you were standing in front of Jobe, who had dropped everything to be there for Jude. Now, you were dreading seeing Denise and having to explain your exodus. 

“Then stop leaving,” Jobe teased, though there was kindness behind his words. “Jude pulled in the big guns this time. Can’t leave my bro hanging like that. You guys are supposed to be end game. Can’t switch on the man now.” He smirked. You looked up at him, your eyes still red from crying but a small smile forming on your lips. 

“I’m sorry,” you said, your voice softer this time. You felt almost ashamed.

“Don’t be,” Jobe shrugged again, his smirk reassuring. “So you wanna share a ride?” He joked lightly, trying to shift the mood. You nodded as his smirk grew into a full smile. And just like that, with the air a little lighter, you two made your way to the car, your heart set on making things right when you finally saw Jude again. In the car with Jobe, the city of Madrid flew by outside the window, but your mind was elsewhere, still tangled in emotions about everything that had unfolded over the past few days. You glanced over at him, trying to find some peace in the fact that you were heading back to Jude. Jobe must’ve sensed your anxiety, because he broke the silence first, his voice low and sincere. “Jude’s all in, you know that, right? Jokes aside,” he started, eyes still out the window but the weight of his words heavy between you two. “Like, different situations for us, of course, but Jude looks after the people in his life. He’s not gonna let anything happen to you. To the relationship.” He cooed. You looked at him, trying to gauge how much he really knew, how much he understood the whirlwind you’d been caught in. “Don’t get me wrong it’s a fucking circus but he knows that. People can just be assholes out there but inside. We create our own calm, yeah?” he continued, “And sure, these people care a lot about Jude. He cares what they think and but he doesn’t care about them the way he cares about you.” His words hit deep, and you felt the knot in your chest loosen a little. It was comforting to know that even Jobe saw how much you meant to Jude. Jobe turned to you briefly, a small smile forming on his lips. “Plus,” he said, his voice lightening, “I like having you around. He can be a pain in the ass and it’s nice to share the load of that with someone” He draped his arm over your shoulder in a brotherly gesture, pulling you closer in the backseat. “I’ll back you. You’ve got me in your corner,” he teased, but there was an unmistakable warmth behind it. “I’ll let people know you’re the one who’s got my brother acting like a melt. Anyone who’s got Jude like this is staying around, people can say what they want.” You laughed softly, wiping the corner of your eye, grateful for the support. You didn’t want to cry in front of Jobe anymore but you felt like you might. It wasn’t just about Jude anymore—it was about his family, too. Jobe’s reassurance meant everything. It felt like a protective force was around you, and knowing Jobe had your back, had seen how much you cared for Jude, made you feel a little braver about facing what was to come. 

“Thanks, Jobe,” you said quietly, your voice softer now. In a backwards way, though younger than you, it felt like you were with Louis. He felt like your brother and it made you feel such a familiar sense of comfort. A soft reminder that Jude’s life was your life, you did fit in it when it came to the places that mattered. 

“Don’t mention it,” he shrugged, but you could see the fondness in his eyes as he looked back ahead. You leaned back into your seat, your heart a little lighter. Jobe wasn’t just Jude’s brother—he was family to you now too, and it was so reassuring to know that you had his support.

As you walked up to the house, nerves buzzing beneath your skin, you hesitated at the door. Jobe, ever acting like the playful little brother, gave you a light shove on the back. 

“Go on, then,” he teased with a grin. His energy was light, but you could feel the weight of the moment ahead. You gave him a side-eye but couldn’t help the small smile tugging at your lips. Jobe opened the door and immediately announced your arrival in the most dramatic way possible, his voice echoing through the house. “Look who I brought! Best brother in the world… Jobe Bellingham!” He yelled. You could hear the humor in his voice, but your heart was pounding in your chest. Jude looked up from where he was at the kitchen island, and the second he saw you, his whole face lit up with relief. He didn’t even hesitate—he was up and running toward you in seconds, his arms wrapping around you tightly. You tried to hold it together, but the moment his familiar scent, his warmth, and the strength of his embrace surrounded you, it was like a dam broke. The tears you’d been attempting to hold back in front of Jobe fell freely, your face buried against his chest as you sobbed. Jude held you even tighter, swaying you gently from side to side as if that motion alone could soothe your aching heart. 

“I know, baby. C’mere,” he whispered into your hair, his voice soft, filled with love. He kissed the top of your head repeatedly, one arm around your shoulders, the other rubbing soothing circles on your back. “It’s okay, angel. We’re gonna be okay. I promise.” His words were calming, but it was the way he held you, like you were the most precious thing in the world, that started to ease the storm inside you. He didn’t rush you, didn’t try to say too much. He just let you cry, let you feel everything, while he whispered quiet reassurances and kissed your forehead.

“I’m sorry,” you managed to choke out between sobs, feeling a wave of guilt for everything that had happened, for running away, for doubting how strong you were. It wasn’t long apart but it felt like a massive amount of time out of his arms.

“Shhh, angel. You don’t have to apologize,” he murmured, resting his chin on the top of your head. “I’m sorry. We’re gonna figure this out. Together. You’re supposed to be here with me.” Jude whispered. Jobe lingered for a second, taking in the scene with a soft smile before heading to go find Toby, leaving the two of you alone to have your moment. Jude gently pulled back just enough to cup your face, wiping your tears with his thumbs. “You’re here now. That’s all that matters, yeah?. We’ll get through this, I promise.” You nodded, leaning into his touch, finally feeling some of the weight lift off your shoulders. Being here, in his arms, it was where you needed to be. When Jude took your bags upstairs, you clung to him, refusing to let go. Your arms wrapped tightly around his waist, your cheek squished against his back as he walked to the bedroom. As you stepped into the familiar surroundings of the bedroom, tears welled up in your eyes again, blurring your vision. You had told him when you left this didn’t feel like home but it couldn’t have felt more opposite now. It'd been a challenging few days, but now you and Jude were finally back in each other's arms. You'd missed his embrace, his scent, and the way he made your heart race. He smiled softly, his sweet demeanor ever present. "I gotcha," he whispered, his voice filled with concern. Jude smiled, warmth radiating from him as he gently pried your arms off just enough to turn around and face you. You buried your face in the crook of his neck, inhaling his familiar scent, unable to let go. You felt his strong arms wrap around you, pulling you closer, and you couldn't help but kiss his neck, letting your lips linger on his warm skin. A shiver ran through you as you felt his muscles tense in response to your touch. The tension and anxiety of the past melting away but then you felt a shift, all your fear replaced by desire.

"I missed you," you whined softly, your lip against his skin  your grip on him tightening.

"Yeah? I missed you more, angel," he murmured, his eyes softening, his breath tickling your ear. His hands glided down your back, cupping your ass, and lifting you slightly onto your toes, pressing your body against his, and then up your back again. You silently gasped as you felt his hardening cock against you, already straining against his trousers. The realization of how much you've craved this boy hit you like a wave. You kissed the soft skin of his neck again letting out a quiet hum of satisfaction. 

"Mmm, I really missed you," you whined again, the intensity of your longing for him rising as the familiar scent of his cologne enveloped you. Jude chuckled at the sound, a teasing smirk forming on his lips. 

"Oh, I see... You missed me like that now, huh?" His tone was playful, but there was an edge of desire beneath it. You nodded, dragging your hands under his shirt, your fingertips grazing over the defined lines of his abs, the warmth of his skin igniting your need for him. The quiet tension between you two thickened as your hands pushed his shirt higher, revealing more of him. Jude's playful smirk deepened as he gripped you tighter, his hands gliding down the curve of your back once more to rest under your thighs. In one swift motion, he lifted you off the ground entirely now, your legs instinctively wrapping around him as he held you securely. "Let me show you why this is home, baby," he whispered, his voice husky with promise. His hands gripped you tighter, his fingers pressing into your thighs as he carried you to the bed, the intensity of his gaze locking you in

"Please" you pleaded, your voice hoarse with emotion. He needed no further encouragement. The way he carried you was exhilarating. You ran your hands over his hair gripping it slightly just enough to let him know he was yours. The world narrowed down to this moment as he laid you gently on the soft sheets, his eyes never leaving yours. He leaned over you, his hands tracing the curves of your body, from your shoulders to the swell of your tits. He teased your nipples through the fabric of your top, making you arch your back and moan softly.

"You're so fucking gorgeous, can’t ever leave me" he said firmly, his voice thick with desire. He peeled off your clothes, revealing your flawless skin and the tits he adores. His mouth watered at the sight as he lowered his head, taking a nipple into his warm mouth, sucking gently. You clutched his shoulders, feeling the sensations radiate through your body. He kissed his way down your stomach, leaving a trail of wet kisses and soft bites. When he reached your throbbing pussy, he teased you, blowing gently on your wetness, making you squirm. 

"Please, Jude," you begged, your voice laced with desperation. He smiled against your inner thigh, knowing he had you exactly where he wanted you. He spread your legs wider, exposing your glistening pussy. With slow, deliberate movements, he slid two fingers inside you, curling them to find your sweet spot. You cried out, your back arching off the bed as he thrust his fingers in and out, building the pleasure.

"You're so wet for me, baby," he growls, his voice filled with satisfaction. He added a third finger over time, stretching you, filling you with a delicious fullness. You were on the edge, trembling, when he used his thumb to circle your clit, sending you spiraling towards an intense orgasm. He just watched you fall apart simply off the work of his fingers, satisfied, smug, possessively sure that you were his.  "Cum for me, Y/N," he urged, his breath hot on your sensitive skin. You tightened around his fingers, crying out his name as your body shuddered through a powerful climax. You were still riding the waves of pleasure as he lined his cock up with your entrance, lifting your hips up and guiding his length inside. You were so wet it was seamless. “You’re such good girl f’me. You okay, baby?”   You nodded as he began to thrust after he let you adjust. You and Jude just understood each other's bodies, what each of you needed but Jude was asking maybe from a more emotional standpoint because frankly… he stretched you out every time with how big he was. Naturally, he found the perfect spot again and again in quick succession. He pinned you under him as he continued to thrust deep inside you. The sensation of being filled by him was overwhelming. You clung to him, your nails digging into his muscular back as his strokes began to get harder, his hips snapping against yours. He set a relentless pace, pounding into you, his balls slapping against your ass. The sound of skin slapping skin fills the room, mingling with your desperate moans.

"Fuck, you feel so good," you whined, your eyes rolling back in ecstasy. He leant down, capturing your mouth in a fierce kiss, his tongue mimicking the rhythm of his thrusts. “I missed you so much.” You whimpered as your waterline filled with tears you weren’t sure were from the physical heaven you were in or from the separation. You tried to put your hand over your mouth to muffle your moans knowing people were home but he wasn’t having that. He pinned your hands above you with restraint as he continued to fuck you. 

“Wanna hear how good I’m making you feel back at home now, angel.” He whispered against your neck before biting your sensitive skin only pulling another, louder, moan from you. 

“Fuck….” you whined. “Please, I’m so close, I’m so… f-fuck!… I’m so close.” You told him squeezing your eyes shut as you started to feel your orgasm approaching. He was so deep inside that you could feel every ridge and vein.  You could feel the pleasure coiling tightly in your core. Jude could feel it too, he reached between your bodies, rubbing your clit in firm circles as he fucked you with abandon. You were both slick with a sheen, your bodies glistening in the dim light, as you surrendered to the raw, primal urge. "I'm gonna cum, baby," you whispered, your voice shaky. 

"Cum with me, angel," he panted, his jaw clenching as he fought for control. You felt his cock twitch inside you, and that's all it took. Your mind turned to complete mush. His thrusts becoming increasingly sloppier and harsher. “Cum all over my cock, yeah?  Make a fucking mess on my cock.” Jude babbled as you came, your body aching, your eyes squeezing shut again. You cried  out, your pussy clenching around him as you exploded in a mind-numbing orgasm. Jude followed  his body tensing as he filled you with his hot cum, rope after rope, triggering another wave of pleasure.

“Baby” you moaned, feeling his release painting your insides. You were gasping as Jude fucked you through your high.

“That’s my good girl.” He said as he let his weight come down on top of you completely spent as you both breathed heavily, whispering ‘I love yous’ back and forth. As your hearts pounded and your bodies trembled, Jude moved to collapse himself onto the bed beside you, pulling you into his arms. You snuggled against his chest, feeling his heart thumping against your ear. “You okay?” He asked gently. You hummed letting your eyes flutter closed. “Get you cleaned up in a second. Just need you right here with me for a second.” He cooed holding you tighter.

“With you at home.” You quietly added. He smiled hearing your voice. 

“Yeah at home, angel. Not ever leaving me again," he vowed, kissing the top of your head. "We belong together, you and me, forever." You smiled, wiping away a stray tear, knowing that this time, it's forever. You were here to stay. 

“I like being at home, I think.” You sheepishly but cheekily smiled with a giggle as you inspected Jude’s pretty flushed face. He shook his head with a roll of his eyes but still kissing your forehead. And whilst you were in this bubble of bliss of reconciliation and confirmation in your relationship, Jobe and Toby unfortunately downstairs couldn’t get the tellys sound loud enough to not hear some of the noise echoing from Jude’s room. 

“I think they’ll be alright.” Toby laughed, turning up the volume one more notch, not being able to stomach another ‘good girl’ or ‘please.’ 

“Yeah clearly.” Jobe grimaced. “Honestly, just shut the fuck up, we get it.” He groaned, placing his hands over his ears falling back into the couch.  They were laughing, complaining about you and Jude, and making snide jokes as they continued a game of fifa but deep down Jobe and Toby both were fairly relieved this fall out was fast repaired.

🪩🫶❤️‍🔥🍹🌞🍒 Thank you for reading! Please like, comment, or message what you think of the chapter 🍒🌞🍹❤️‍🔥🫶🪩

Next part - Chapter 22 - Galería D’ange xx

[patolemus]

Here’s a little thing that’s been bugging me for a few weeks.

Summary: Stiles is a demon. This is common knowledge. At least, he was under the impression that this is common knowledge. He should have known better than to trust Derek Hale to figure it out.

————————————

Look, in his defense, Stiles was sure they knew. At least, he was sure Derek knew, and if Derek knew, then the rest of the pack knew. That’s just kind of how it works, when they aren’t hiding threats from each other.

(He’s not pointing fingers. It’s just that Stiles sometimes gets fucking tired when the pack does not tell him shit and then he ends up having to figure it all out by himself so they don’t get themselves killed. It wasn’t funny the first time Scott tried it back in sophomore year. It hasn’t gotten any funnier since.)

(Alright, so he is pointing fingers. Sue him.)

Stiles is a demon. And okay, before anyone gets mad and starts saying shit like ‘no he’s not, he’s just a bit chaotic’, he… well, Stiles will admit to being chaotic as a general rule, but that is more of a character choice. He’s being for real when he says he’s a demon.

His parents couldn’t have children. It’s just how it goes sometimes. But Claudia was a very powerful witch, and she knew a thing or two about making pacts with demons. So when the doctors told her she could not carry any children, she figured the next step was obviously to summon a creature from down below and make a deal with it in exchange for a child.

That’s where Stiles comes in.

Claudia probably wasn’t expecting a demon child to come to her when she did her summoning, but personally? Stiles thinks she lucked out. Stiles is a friendly demon, as far as those go, and his policy regarding humans is more ‘see what makes them tick’ rather than ‘make them burst into flames spontaneously’, so all in all, she could have done a lot worse.

So that’s kind of how he ends up as Stiles Stilinski, son of John and Claudia Stilinski. Claudia and John are the only ones that know Stiles’ true name, though only Claudia can say it right. John tries his best, but they all collectively decide that Mischief is a rather good alternative.

In exchange for being the best son anyone could have, Stiles gets to spend an unspecified amount time on the mortal realm. Claudia doesn’t put any restrictions on him, on the understanding that Stiles can’t go and kill people for kicks. Annoying them is fair game, though.

That’s fine. Stiles has never been particularly interested in needless violence. He’d much rather learn everything there is to know about humans. Such interesting creatures. Truly fascinating.

And that’s how he spends the next twelve years of his life. He makes one singular friend - humans tend to get this instinctual need to get away from demons, but Scott doesn’t have any survival instincts at all, so it works out fine - and spends most of his time enjoying the admittedly mundane life of a human child.

Stiles knows there’s a pack of werewolves living in town, but he never runs into them, and then they die in that terribly suspicious fire and the survivors leave. The town quiets down a lot after that, and Stiles tries not to mourn the loss too badly. The energy they gave off was very pleasant.

Then the werewolves come back to town.

Stiles doesn’t intent to get involved. He doesn’t. He’s a demon, he doesn’t care for mortal affairs no matter how amusing they are. So he doesn’t do anything when he feels the presence of an Alpha in Beacon Hills after seven years. A not his circus not his monkeys kinda situation. But then Scott gets turned into a werewolf, and Stiles doesn’t care for mortal affairs but he does care about Scott, so really, it was inevitable.

There’s also Derek Hale. Derek Hale with his lickable abs and his chiseled scowly face and that angryhurtsadmiserable aura of his. Stiles acuses him of murder, Derek shoves him into walls. How is Stiles supposed to not become completely obsessed?

Anyways.

Stiles isn’t sure how he ended up in a pack of werewolves of all things - demons are lonely creatures, they don’t get packs - but he can probably blame Scott for that. It’s pretty alright, even if he gets dragged into every possible supernatural matchup imaginable. At least no one is busting out the holy water. Not that it would work, that’s a myth. Stiles had that phase as a kid where he went to church every Sunday morning and received the sacrament of Eucharist just for kicks. His dad didn’t find it funny, but Stiles still thinks it’s fucking hilarious. Now he uses the name of Jesus Christ every time he can. It’s blasphemous and Stiles thinks it’s hilarious too.

Back to the point, Stiles never bothered to hide he’s a demon. He doesn’t advertise it, of course, but he doesn’t go out of his way to mask his scent or whatever. He’s powerful enough that he can take on mostly anything that comes find him. So he thought Derek knew, and was just being chill about it and not mentioning it.

Apparently not.

The bitten wolves, he could understand. They still mix up deer and rabbit after years of being bitten when they’re running in the preserve. But Derek’s a born wolf. He was trained since he was a kid, and it’s not like demons are hard to sniff out. Hell clings to Stiles like a second skin.

Well, it turns out Derek is the ultimate failwolf, because after four years, he still had no idea. It takes a run in with another demon - this one does like to set humans on fire, unfortunately, so Stiles has to banish it back to Hell - and even then Stiles has to practically spell it out for him. Stiles is only a bit disappointed in him. Mostly, he’s still a bit confused on how Derek even missed it in the first place.

“Dude, can’t you smell it?” he asks, and they’re alone in the loft because everyone else has gone out to buy celebratory donuts while they try to get the scorch marks off Derek’s wall. It’s not going as well as they hoped.

Instead of an answer, or a growl, which is his primary method of communication, Derek does something unexpected and fucking—blushes.

Huh. Okay.

Wait, no. Not okay. What?

“It’s not considered polite to act on the way people smell, Stiles,” and Derek’s voice is strangled, like it hurts him to get the words out. He’s always been bad at talking but Jesus Christ, this is excessive.

(Heh. Jesus Christ. It will never not be funny.)

“That’s bullshit and you know it. I’ve lost count of how many times you’ve sniffed out other supernatural creatures or people’s intentions. It’s what you do. Other than rip out throats and creep around my window, obviously,” Derek’s scowl makes an appearance - there it is, Stiles was getting worried for a second - looking back at the scorched wall like it’s going to magically clean itself with the power of his rage.

Stiles could probably do something like that. Maybe. His magic is chaotic on a good day, so he can’t really call it reliable. Destructive, definitely. Offensive, if he has to pick between that and defense. Stiles is terrible at that.

He’s really getting off track here.

“That’s different. You’re not a supernatural creature,” Derek says stubbornly and what?

“What?”

“What,” it’s impressive how he always manages to ask questions that don’t sound like questions.

“What do you mean, I’m not a supernatural creature? Are you—“ Stiles looks at his Alpha with narrowed eyes, mouth open mid sentence as it finally downs on him that they’re talking about very different things. “What did you think I meant when I asked you if you smelt it?”

Derek stubbornly refuses to say anything. That’s fine. Stiles is the king of stubborn, he can out-stubborn anyone at any given time.

“Tell me,” he presses. Derek doesn’t say anything. “Tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me, tell—“

“Jesus fuck, Stiles, fine!” heh. Stiles knew he’d break. “I was smelling that you’re horny. All the time.”

That— that’s not what Stiles was expecting. Um. Okay. So things got awkward very fucking quickly.

“Oh,” he says, and now he sounds strangled because he thought he’d kept that little tidbit of information hidden quite nicely. It turns out Derek was just being polite about it.

God, does it mean the betas can smell it too? Oh, no, no no no no.

(Heh. God. Stiles is so funny.)

(He really has to stop unfocusing like this.)

Stiles is officially mortified. Turns out even demons get prudish after spending so much time in the mortal realm. Who knew? It’s okay, Stiles will just find the nearest bridge to throw himself off from. If he has any luck he’ll die instantly and won’t get back to Hell so he doesn’t have to live with this knowledge forever.

“It’s okay. I know it’s not personal or anything,” Derek’s still not looking at him. He’s grabbed back his rag and is valiantly rubbing away at the wall. Stiles doesn’t have the heart to tell him that if the mark hasn’t come out already, it probably never will. He’d know, he’s burned plenty of walls before.

By accident, if his dad ever asks.

“That’s fine and all, only it’s very personal,” and Stiles is just making a bigger hole to bury himself in, but his mouth is faster than his brain. It’s an ongoing issue. “You don’t think I’m horny all the fucking time, right? I mean, demons do have that hyper hormonal stage at my age but assuming it’s all the time is a bit excessive. I’m not a succubus. This is completely a you thing.”

Derek’s face does that thing where it pinches in between his eyebrows and his eyes narrow a bit, lips pressed together tightly. It’s his Stiles Just Said Something Deeply Upsetting face. He uses it a lot.

Alright, time to backtrack.

“It’s really okay that you don’t feel the same. Really, I get it. I wouldn’t feel the same about me either. So let’s just ignore I ever said anything, and we can go back to trying to clean this up even if we both know it’s not going to come out,” he offers Derek his most winning smile. Derek’s face just gets even more pinched.

Stiles’ senses are pretty dulled here on the mortal realm, but he doesn’t need them to know his Alpha is probably very pissed. At him, specifically.

So it’s Tuesday, then.

Stiles takes a step back, just as a precaution. He doesn’t think Derek will throw him against a wall - he stopped doing that a couple of years ago. Stiles refuses to acknowledge he kinda misses it - but you can never be too cautious. And Stiles did kind of just confess his undying horniness for him.

Imagine if he’d also told the guy he’s utterly and helplessly in love with him. That would have gone fantastically. Not.

“You’re a demon?” Derek’s voice comes out more high pitch than Stiles has ever heard it. He’s surprised. Why is he surprised? This is what they were talking about, before Stiles stuck a foot in his mouth. “Since when?”

“Since always? Seriously dude, can’t you smell it?”

It’s like they’re back in square one.

So. Turns out Derek truly had no idea Stiles is a demon. No wonder he’d looked like Stiles had grown a second head when he banished that fiend back to Hell.

On the good side, Derek apparently also returns his feelings, after they go in circles a few more times and Stiles gets across that he’s not just horny, he’s in love. A happy ending, in Stiles’ opinion.

(“How did you end up as the son of the Sheriff anyway? Is he a demon, too?”

“Hmn? Oh, no. My mom just did this summoning ritual for a Prince of Hell to get them a child, and I showed up. It was kind of a two for one deal,” he waves his hand dismissively.

“You’re a what?”

Oh, boy. Stiles knew he was forgetting something.)

[eldritchcreatureofwords]

People do not talk about TruthSeekers enough

Specifically the end fight. Not only is this some of the most gorgeous fucking animation I've ever seen, not only is the use of character's leitmotifs as a combined theme brilliant and clever, but the interactions between everyone and everyone and Blitz is just fucking fantastic.

Mox and Blitz of one fucking mind at the start. Blitz talking to everyone but twisted to look Moxxie dead in the eye when he yells fuck these fuckers UP and Moxx getting him instantly.

Loona protecting her dad, Blitz not even twitching when the chain blade is hurled at him because he knows it's not going to touch him. Her using her mouth as much as her hands if not more to wreck havoc.

Millie's sheer glee at getting to kick ass and take names, as if it's all a big game, not even having to break a sweat. The fact that she never stops being sweet and affectionate and silly even in the middle of this nonsense because she's still a little doll of a woman, but you started this shit and she's going to finish it. You fucked with her Moxxie and her Blitz. The fact that she uses an axe as big as she is and just lets it's momentum carry her around, throwing herself from one person to the next.

Moxxie's mob-kid little psychotic violent side getting to shine- the silly, goofy, shy little awkward buttmonkey reminding everyone why he's here and that he is just as capable as everyone else, thank you, with this feral gremlin streak just barely under the surface of his musical-loving, well spoken, well educated presentation.

Blitz's evil fucking laugh when he fires the "Pussy Destroyer" ( which made me laugh way too hard myself.)

The way Blitz scuttles across the fight interacting with his team, stopping at each and every person to make sure they are armed, they are doing well, backing them up and cheering them on, before blitzing (hahaha) off to have his own fun with these stupid little human fuckers. It's our first real look at how capable and deadly this silly, filthy little gay nerd is- he's agile, fast as fuck, vicious as hell, and strong. Guy used to be in the circus ok?

(Also the way he scrambles over and around Loona mid-fight which I adore.)

And what I consider to be the best (and maybe most important part)

the 'Mox, cover me!' moment.

These two are back-to-back, in the middle of a heated life-or-death fight, and not only does Blitz know roughly when they'll have to reload, he goes digging in his backpack fearlessly despite danger surrounding him and Moxxie firing just above his head, fully trusting Moxxie not to miss, to- well, cover him. On top of that, these two then perform not one but two blind weapon handoffs, swap to melee in almost perfect unison, and agree, wordlessly, when to split.

And the grins on the face of everyone (except poor Moxxie) when it's over, a moment of victory and connection.

Not even getting into the protective arms Blitz puts out across his team when it seems like they are cornered and trapped, teeth bared, ready to pounce, to use claw and teeth to defend them if he has to, if that's what it takes.

Not even getting into the fact that when Stolas first appears to save them, their shadows combine to make his, turning the four of them into one being just for a moment to make something significantly more powerful.

Not to mention the way reality seems to reassert itself as soon as the lights come back on, just the way it does when you wake up from a nightmare.

This got long fast and I'm sorry, but this scene just has so much character introspection, development, and explanation with barely a spoken word and I love it.

[chelledoggo]

given the state of... things... i wanna really dissect the ending of episode 2 of TADC.

old news, yeah. but... i think the message of this scene hits harder in this time.

obvious spoiler warning below the cut!!! (also religion CW since i share a Bible verse at the end.)

so by now you probably know the ending all too well.

Pomni made a new friend in Gummigoo, hoping to help him find a better life in the circus... only to watch him be unceremoniously blasted into confetti by the well-meaning but completely tactless Caine.

and of course Pomni is understandably traumatized, going into absolute hysterics.

Caine, the oblivious godlike AI in charge of the show, believes he was just keeping things safe and in order, and shows no real empathy as he teleports himself out of the situation.

Pomni just stands there. dissociating. confused. God only knows what thoughts are going through her mind right now.

the ever-nurturing Ragatha, who's made it her mission to make sure everyone else is as happy as possible, tries to step in and raise Pomni's spirits.

of course, none of this is of any consolation to Pomni. like... how could it be? she watched her friend (presumably) die.

it's like those who believe in an afterlife watching someone die in front of them. even with that little bit of hope and comfort that you may one day see them again, that can't erase the horror you bore witness to.

Pomni stands there unresponsive. Ragatha feels helpless to comfort her.

Zooble approaches, letting Ragatha know that they've finished preparations for Kaufmo's funeral...

Ragatha turns to Pomni and extends an invitation.

this is enough to bring Pomni out of her traumatized stupor.

Ragatha explains the custom that the circus crew developed themselves. whenever a friend abstracts, they hold a "funeral" service to honor them.

now Pomni never knew Kaufmo. he abstracted just before Pomni entered the circus. they never had a chance to meet.

and yet Ragatha still invites Pomni to mourn him along with the rest of the humans.

Ragatha realizes that hopeful platitudes won't really do anything at this time. so instead she opens to her new friend a safe space to grieve.

Pomni accepts the invitation. she stands before the "casket" of a perfect stranger, unsure of what to think.

Ragatha takes her place next to the casket, allowing herself the rare opportunity to express vulnerability around the people she usually puts on a brave face for.

Pomni watches and listens as each of these people she'd only met yesterday share their eulogies for Kaufmo.

they share their experiences. their happy moments with their abstracted friend. and, most importantly, they share their grief and anguish.

Pomni obviously can't relate to any of these stories of Kaufmo. she never knew him.

but that's not the point.

the point is that she's witnessing the camaraderie of the humans in a way she never could before.

she's witnessing them in a vulnerable moment where they can break their goofy facades. and, more importantly, she's witnessing just how deeply these people love and care for each other.

brotherhood doesn't always take the form of trying to fix everyone's pain and cheer each other up. sometimes brotherhood is simply allowing those you care for to feel their feelings without judgement, and to hurt along with them.

and that's when it hits Pomni for the first time.

she's Not Alone

i think this scene hits harder after... recent events.

it's okay to feel the way you feel right now. it's okay to be anxious, scared, angry. it's okay, for right now, to feel... hopeless.

hope will come eventually. but oftentimes grief has to come first.

and that's okay. it's in the moments of communal despair that the seeds of hope are planted.

times of fear and suffering are inevitable. a perfectly happy outcome can't always be guaranteed. but comfort exists even in grief.

so take your time.

hope has no deadline. rest assured that it WILL come eventually, but don't rush or force it.

rest.

feel your feelings.

find those who can lament with you.

find those who need you to lament with them.

we should let ourselves hurt together today. and then we can hope together tomorrow.

"Rejoice with those who rejoice; weep with those who weep." - Romans 12:15 (NRSVUE)

[eroselless]

PATO - ONE

series masterlist | part 2 | part 3

[charles leclerc x reader, carlos sainz x reader]

warnings: angst, fighting, mentions of pregnancy

note: I don’t listen to Billie Eilish all that much but my best friend got me hooked on her latest album and for some reason, Wildflower inspired me to write this. Might not have any correlation but ya know, when life give you lemons. Also here Charles and Carlos aren’t as close as they seem to be in real life. Hope you enjoy it!

MONACO, DECEMBER 2022 

You stand in the dim light of your living room, the soft glow of the lamps casting long shadows across the floor. It’s a wasteland of memories—two years of them, scattered like broken glass across the carpet. You feel the ache of them pressing in, and for a moment it’s almost too much to bear. 

“I feel like I’m drowning here, all on my own,” you breathe, your voice splintered and fragile. You can barely hold his gaze, not when he looks so unfazed, so unmoved. His face is a mask you can’t seem to decipher. “You’re always gone, Charles. What are we even doing?”

Charles rubs his temple, a motion that is almost rehearsed, this conversation feeling like it's been had far too many times. “This isn’t just some passing thing,” he snaps, voice sharp enough to draw blood. “Racing is my life. I thought you understood that.”

“I do understand that!” The words tumble out, tangle with all the things you’ve been trying so hard to ignore. The sting in your eyes returns and you blink hard, but the tears come anyways, seemingly falling at a never ending pace. “But passion shouldn’t come at the expense of our relationship. You could come home, but you don’t!”

He shifts uncomfortably from across the room, his eyes darting away from yours to the carpeted floor below. His nostrils are flared in anger as you continue. When he finally speaks, it's veiled in frustration, as if he’s trying to be gentle but not quite succeeding. 

“When you do come home, which is hardly ever, it’s like you're not even here. You’re closed off, cold. We barely spend any time together, and when we do, it’s like you're trying to hide me away.”

Charles’s eyebrows furrow, his jaw clenching as he shoves a finger in your direction. “I keep our relationship private to protect you from the media circus, you know that!” he interjects.

You let out a heavy breath, your shoulders sagging with exhaustion. It's an excuse you’ve heard time and time again, and there's only so much of it you can handle. Your resolve wavers, your voice quiet but firm as you speak.

“I don’t care about them,” you say, voice barely a whisper. “I can handle whatever comes. But I can’t handle being invisible to you.” 

You turn and make your way down the hall, to your shared room, Charles following close behind you. All he can do is stand and watch as you start to shove things in a backpack. The silence between you is heavy, suffocating. 

As you pull on a jacket and prepare to leave, he reaches out to stop you, his voice small with confusion. “What’s happening?” he asks, his voice is softer now, vulnerable in a way that almost hurts to hear. His hand reaches for yours.

You swat it away, your own hand trembling as you do. “We are nothing but strangers bound by memories. But if you can't even be here for that, then what's the point?” you say softly. 

“You don’t need to worry about keeping us a secret anymore, Charles.”

There’s a tense silence as he struggles to process your words, tears beginning to prick at his cerulean eyes. You meet his gaze, searching for something, anything–a plea, a reason to stay. But you see none, whatever you had been hoping to find isn’t there. So you turn and slip out the door, leaving him behind in the empty silence of your once-happy home.

The train rattles forward, each clack of the wheels like a heartbeat, steady and relentless. Raindrops pater slowly against the glass, a mess of gray against the darkening world outside. Outside, the trees and grass blur together, mirroring the jumble of emotions swirling inside your chest. Your hand falls gently to your stomach, feeling the faint swell there, and you can't help but glide your fingers over it tenderly. 

With trembling fingers, you reach into your bag and pull out the pregnancy test, its plastic casing cool against your skin. It sits in your hands like a ghost, a reminder of a truth you hadn’t planned for, a future you never imagined facing alone. The two bold lines glare back at you, a stark reminder of the life beginning to grow inside you. Fear and uncertainty fill the cavities of your chest, threatening to overwhelm you. You close your eyes, tears tracing silent paths down your cheeks once again. 

Leaving Charles before telling him about the baby feels like abandoning a ship in the middle of a storm. Guilt gnaws at your chest as the train hurtles further and further away from Monaco, the distance between you and Charles widening with each passing moment. Yet the truth burns as you find yourself repeating it over and over to yourself—Charles may have been physically there, in body, but his mind has been somewhere else, somewhere distant, somewhere that was never you.

As you watch the landscape continue to blur past, your reflection in the glass is a haunting echo of the life you thought you had built.  At 21, you never expected to face the daunting prospect of motherhood on your own. It's not the path you imagined yourself on at all. You thought you would marry Charles and share the joys and challenges of this baby with him. You thought there’d be laughter, shared glances, maybe even late nights in nurseries painted with dreams But those dreams were a faint memory now, belonging to a different girl, someone you weren’t anymore. 

Charles had a way of making you feel like the world around you faded when he was around, his passion for racing a fire that burned so bright, you wanted to stay close to it and feel its warmth. You couldn’t help but love how passionate he was about racing, and admire the fire in his eyes as he chased victory on the track. But in his relentless pursuit of glory, he seemed to have left you behind with nothing but his silhouette, a mere afterthought in his quest for greatness. His fire left you feeling cold, with nothing left to hold on to but memories, shadows of a live you weren’t even sure were real. 

In that moment, you realize that in many ways, you would’ve had to raise the child on your own regardless of Charles's presence. His absence has left you feeling isolated and alone, grasping at the fragments of your fractured relationship. If you'd stayed, who knows if he would have changed? The uncertainty weighs heavily on your heart, threatening to drag you under.

With a sigh, you feel yourself sag further into the train seat, the weight of your decision pressing down on you like a leaden blanket. The ticket inspector’s voice cuts through your thoughts and you hastily produce your ticket, handing it over to him with a shaky hand. Your fingers feel numb as you watch him scan it, barely managing a polite nod.  

Across the aisle, you catch the gaze of a woman's eyes full of unspoken sympathy as she watches your fingers tighten around the pregnancy test. You give her a tight-lipped smile as the ticket inspector hands back your ticket before turning back to the window, your gaze fixed on the blurring landscape outside as you hurtle toward an uncertain future.

a/n: a little short for the first chapter but they’ll be a little longer in the future, hope you guys enjoy this first one :) also if you made it this far, I just wanted to share that the word pato means duck. It's not too important for now but it will be later! As always, thank you for reading!

[mrsparrasblog]

Bridgerton x COD crossover

I had so much fun writing this, and TW there will be historical inacurence.

"So what makes you stand out, Miss Lacington?" he asked while he spun the red-haired woman around. She was indeed beautiful, but her dress made her look like a runaway circus animal. However, proper dress code was something he could teach a lady. He knew he couldn’t be too picky; he was a stained viscount, tarnished by the war he had seen and attended. Yet, he didn't regret a second of his life. Being a captain was more important to him than being Viscount Price, but now that his mama was sick, he knew he needed to find a proper lady to grant her the last wish of seeing him married. Perhaps she hoped for a marriage of love, but he already knew that wasn’t for him. Love is for fools. He would marry a woman who could provide him with an heir and fulfill the duty of being Viscountess Price without getting involved in any of Lady Whistledown's scandals.

"I'm skilled at stitching and the pianoforte," she replied. Another one of them, he sighed before walking away, seeking someone more exciting. He saw Miss Winston; at least she had better looks, looks worthy of a viscountess.

"So, Miss Winston, what do you think of children?"

"They’re cute to look at," the young woman smiled, and her eager mama smiled even more.

"Children are not cute to watch; they are to care for, Miss."

"But that’s what maids are for?"

That was enough for him. If it weren’t for his mother, he would have stormed out immediately, but he allowed himself the luxury of hiding on the sidelines. "How is it possible that one cannot find a fitting lady in a room full of them?" he cursed under his breath, not realizing he was being watched until he heard a soft chuckle. When he turned around, he was in denial that you were even real. You were the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Not the ladies in Paris, Milan, or Edinburgh could compare to such a beautiful woman like you, dressed in the finest blue fabric, with curves that were to die for, so unlikely for a woman in England. You held your mouth shut, trying to hide your laughter at his outburst. Another man might have been offended, but he was intrigued. You were bold and beautiful—a dangerous combination. "What is so amusing, Miss?"

Instead of blushing or getting anxious, you just replied with a proper apology.

“No need to apologize, miss…?”

"Miss L/N, daughter of the Earl of Sussex," you replied confidently.

John’s eyebrow perked up at the mention of your father's title, but otherwise, he said nothing in reply, keeping his expression neutral. He was certainly not used to ladies with such confidence who held titles. “Miss L/N,” he repeated as if committing it to memory. “And what do you think of the suitors of the ton so far? Did you come to try your luck on the London marriage mart?”

"I made my debut last year, and indeed I seek a husband."

"Surely, you will be successful at such a task with your beauty; you are certainly not lacking in that area,” he complimented you genuinely. He knew he should leave already; you were unfitting for him. He tried hard not to seek someone like you, who had the chance of finding a devoted husband, someone who wasn’t scarred by war, too close to his cigars, and went to every brothel in London. Only Prince MacTavish was a bigger rake than him. You’d be better off with one of the Bridgerton brothers.

"Excuse me, my lord, may I speak freely?"

John’s eyebrow raised again, this time with mild concern. It was quite rare to be asked for permission to speak by someone in the ton. But he granted your request, intrigued by what you had to say. “Of course, you may speak freely, Miss L/N.”

“If a suitor only seeks me out for my looks, he isn’t a proper candidate for a husband,” this was singlehandedly the smartest thing he had ever heard from a lady of the ton.

John's expression shifted from one of concern to mild, amused confusion at your response, surprised that you said something he actually had to agree with. You were not wrong, after all. Any man would be a fool not to be drawn to your looks, but only a proper match would see past your beauty. He gave a short nod of agreement. “An astute observation, Miss L/N. Yes, only a proper suitor would see past the first impression and see you for everything you have to offer.” It was time to go, he thought, but he wasn’t able to move. He enjoyed an intelligent conversation. Of course, he had them at the club with Garrick, Riley, and MacTavish, but this was different.

"And you, Mister Price, why do the London debutantes not appeal to you?" He was good-looking, a bit too old perhaps, but not older than 32, which was still younger than some of the men who tried to court you. He could clearly have anyone here, maybe even the diamond of the season. Why was he complaining and even listening to your nonsense?

“I suppose...I am looking for a rather specific type in the woman I plan to have as my viscountess. She must be intelligent, capable of holding a proper conversation, and also willing to provide me with heirs. I have little interest in the simpering debutantes who cannot do much more than curtsy, smile prettily, and fawn over me.”

A small chuckle escaped your lips as you heard the crotchety man. "Don’t forget, my lord, they can also wave fans."

"Ah, how could I forget? How important would the ton be without fans," he commented with a sarcastic tone, shaking his head and rolling his eyes. "However will I remember all of the intricate signals they flutter in my direction? Will this catch my attention?"

"That's a question you need to ask yourself, Mister Price."

"Perhaps it is a question I have been pondering for some time," he remarked with a shrug before tilting his head and observing you for a second. "And what of you, Miss L/N? What type of suitor are you looking for in a husband? Surely you have a list prepared as well.” He could curse himself for asking, but maybe you would say an unfitting description, and he could move away in the direction of the eager mothers and their dense debutantes.

"I seek a suitor who isn’t shallow, who is kind and isn’t a rake, who can provide for me and our future kids, and if I may dream, someone I would fall in love with,” you answered truthfully, as you always did, a bit too openly for your mother's liking. But she couldn’t really complain about that when you had suitors waiting in line to court you. You promised your mother that you would marry after this season. If you didn’t find love, it would be a political marriage.

Your list mirrored his own almost perfectly, and yet the mention of falling in love with your match was something out of reach for him. "An admirable list, indeed. If only more young ladies in the ton were this grounded," he said with a hint of melancholy before giving you another compliment. "Miss L/N, you surprise me each time you open your mouth."

"Most suitors are negatively surprised when I open my mouth."

"Oh really now? I find that rather unfortunate. A woman of your intellect should be celebrated, not shunned. How many ladies can hold their own during a conversation or even converse on a topic that isn’t a dress? I have had more than my fair share of mindless conversations with the debutantes and their mothers. It is quite…dull."

"Well, maybe you need to improve your search, Mr. Price, when all the ladies on your dance card are this simple-minded." You couldn’t be more direct. Didn't he notice how you hoped he would ask you for a dance? You would gladly throw your dance card away for the prospect of courtship with him.

"But pray tell me, what would your recommendations be for me to improve my search, since you seem to be more clever than the entire room," he said mockingly towards you. He didn’t get the hint. Maybe he was the simple-minded man you thought.

"I wouldn’t call myself clever, Mr. Price. Please, just call me observant. You need to look for a woman who isn’t eager to talk to you with her mama, who isn't aware of your title." You didn’t care that he was a viscount; your father was an earl. That title alone made you able to marry most men in the ton, maybe not Prince MacTavish, despite his efforts for several seasons to find a woman to love.

"I commend your observational and quite sound advice, miss. I suppose I will have to go with a different approach than the one I have used previously," he commented, somewhat amused. "I'm sure my mother would be quite happy to have me take it in a different direction. How you have managed to surprise me twice in the same conversation baffles me."

"Maybe your conversations are mostly blunt."

Oh, you had a way too big mouth for a lady of the ton, but it was refreshing. He already looked for different debutantes who seemed less sophisticated than the previous ones. When he noticed Lord Riley approaching you to ask you for a dance, of course, you agreed like a proper lady would. He couldn't help but feel just a teensy bit jealous of the man he shared many war stories with. He wasn't often jealous, but there was something about how quickly you accepted the offer and seemed willing to flutter your eyelashes and smile at him. "Lord Riley is quite the lucky man," he muttered to himself.

"Found any interesting lassie?" That accent he recognized out of a million people. He bowed in front of the younger prince whom he had taught how to use the archer and ride a horse.

"No, indeed...there are no ladies this season that have caught my eye," he added before he glanced back across the room to where you were dancing with Lord Riley, a hint of a frown on his face.

"I saw your conversation with Miss L/N."

"I did have a rather stimulating conversation with her, indeed." He then tilted his head slightly. "You were watching us, your highness? How unlike you to be paying attention to something like that," he added with a hint of humor in his voice, having to admit the prince caught him somewhat off guard.

"She would make a stunning viscountess."

John knew better than to argue with the prince on the matter, especially at such a public event, so he instead chose to reply with a short nod of agreement to indicate he would entertain the suggestion, even if it was something he had no genuine interest in doing. As he did so, he could not bring himself to look back across the room where you were, having caught sight of the way you batted your lashes at Lord Riley and laughed at something he said.

As the ball finally came to an end, John's relief was immediate. He could finally depart from the room full of debutantes and eager mamas. He couldn't have been more keen to leave, but he did find himself pausing for a moment upon exiting the room—glancing back in hopes of catching another glimpse of the elusive Miss L/N. He couldn't help but find his gaze lingering on you for a moment as you stood chatting with the other girls, your gaze shifting between the ones speaking as you tried to look as though you were interested in their conversation. He found himself watching you for a moment before his head shook slightly, breaking the momentary trance. "Get a hold of yourself, Price," he muttered under his breath, his fingers fiddling with the cufflinks of his suit before he finally departed the room.

[munchmemes]

taylor swift lyrics, the tortured poets department edition, part two

guilty as sin?

▸ my boredom's bone-deep. ▸ am i allowed to cry? ▸ i'm seeing visions, am i bad? or mad? or wise? ▸ one slip and i'm falling back into the hedge maze. ▸ oh, what a way to die. ▸ i keep recalling things we never did. ▸ how i long for our trysts. ▸ how can i be guilty as sin? ▸ i keep these longings locked inside a vault. ▸ someone told me there's no such things as bad thoughts, only your actions talk. ▸ they're gonna crucify me anway. ▸ what if they way you hold me is actually what's holy? ▸ i choose you and me religiously.

who's afraid of little old me?

▸ the "who's who?`" of "who's that?" is poised for the attack. ▸ you don't get to tell me about 'sad'. ▸ if you wanted me dead, you should've just said. nothing makes me feel more alive. ▸ who's afraid of little old me? you should be. ▸ the scandal was contained, the bullet had just grazed. ▸ at all costs, keep your good name. ▸ you don't get to tell me you feel bad. ▸ is it a wonder i broke? ▸ let's hear one more joke. then we could all just laugh until i cry. ▸ i was tame, i was gentle till the circus life made me mean. ▸ they say they didn't do it to hurt me but what if they did? ▸ i want to snarl and show you just how disturbed this has made me. ▸ you wouldn't last an hour in the asylum where they raised me. ▸ isn't that what they all said? that i'm fearsome and i'm wretched and i'm wrong. ▸ you lured me and you hurt me and you taught me. ▸ you caged me and then you called me crazy. ▸ i am what i am 'cause you trained me.

i can fix him (no really i can)

▸ the jokes that [you/they] told across the bar were revolting and far too loud. ▸ they shake their heads, saying "god help [them]" when i tell 'em you're the one. ▸ i can fix him, no really i can. and only i can. ▸ i could see it from a mile away. ▸ you had a halo of the highest grade, you just hadn't met met yet. ▸ come close, i'll show you heaven if you'll be an angel all night. ▸ trust me, i can handle me a dangerous [man/woman].

loml

▸ we were just kids, babe. ▸ i don't mind, it takes time. ▸ i thought i was better safe than starry-eyed. ▸ i felt aglow like this. never before and never since. ▸ you and i went from one kiss to getting married. ▸ you said i'm the love of your life about a million times. ▸ a conman sells a fool a get-love-quick scheme. ▸ i felt a hole like this never before and ever since. ▸ what we thought was for all time was momentary. ▸ i wish i could un-recall how we almost had it all. ▸ the coward claimed he was a lion. ▸ i'll still see it until i die. you're the loss of my life.

i can do it with a broken heart

▸ i can show you lies. ▸ i'm a real tough kid, i can handle my shit. ▸ they said 'you gotta fake it 'til you make it' and i did. ▸ you said you'd love me all your life but that life was too short. ▸ i can do it with a broken heart. ▸ i'm so depressed, i act like it's my birthday every day. ▸ i cry a lot but i am so productive, it's an art. ▸ you know you're good when you can even do it with a broken heart. ▸ i can hold my breath, i've been doing it since [you/they] left. ▸ i'm miserable and nobody even knows!

the smallest man who ever lived

▸ was any of it true? ▸ now you know what it feels like. ▸ i don't miss what we had. ▸ in public, you showed me off then sank in stoned oblivion. ▸ you didn't measure up in any measure of a man. ▸ were you sent by someone who wanted me dead? ▸ good riddance 'cause it wasn't sexy once it wasn't forbidden. ▸ i would've died for your sins. instead i just died inside. ▸ in plain sight you hid but you are what you did. ▸ i'll forget you but i'll never forgive.

the alchemy

▸ this happens once every few lifetimes. ▸ these chemicals hit me like white wine. ▸ what if i told you i'm back? ▸ the hospital was a drag. worst sleep i ever had. ▸ ditch the clowns, get the crown. ▸ what if i told you we're cool? ▸ honestly, who are we to fight the alchemy? ▸ where's the trophy?

clara bow

▸ all your life, did you know you'd be picked like a rose? ▸ i'm not trying to exaggerate but i think i might die. ▸ this town is fake but you're the real thing. ▸ take the glory, give everything. ▸ promise to be dazzling. ▸ you're the new god we're worshipping. ▸ beauty is a beast that roars down on all fours, demanding more. ▸ it's hell on earth to be heavenly. ▸ them's the breaks, they don't come gently.

[the-s1lly-corner]

Screw it the sillyness won, could I pretty please request Gummigoo being absolutely smitten for the reader headcannons? No rush to write this tho! :) (I'm cringing so bad while writing this lol)

Gumigoo being head over heels for the reader

still mad that i cant play my spotify playlist on browser- its not private or anything, i just cant access it maybe its because im not logged in on browser. which sucks because it wont let me log in on browser- grrrr notes: reader is GN, brand new established relationship, au where gummigoo gets to stay at the circus CWs: edit

its all so new for him, hes sure he may have fallen in love at some point in his old life... if the narrative called for it- but did that count as something real? to him, he wasnt sure... but that didnt change the fact that you were here now

its all so weird, experiencing all of this with you- its like he wasnt awake before he met you... which to be fair... he kind of was, wasnt he?

despite being totally new to it, hes still pretty confident with you. he isnt afraid to kiss you or hold your hand. at worst he might not know exactly where to put his hands, but its not long until he gets the hang of it

he sees you like you were the best thing to come into this universe, like hes constantly falling in love with you all over again every time you interact with one another

its actually a little funny to see!

his tail sways a little as he talks with you, sometimes you can hear it thump against the wall or floor, or really anything that gets too close

oh his eyes definitely turn heart shaped when he sees you, it sometimes only lasts for a few seconds but its still something that happens

dies a little when you wear his hat/pos