#okay. okayg. its fine. im fine about it
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The perusing thru photo gallery strikes again. ! Bad
#got reminded of a halloween party i went 2 with friends#and how they dropped me off back at home early to fuck#and how crushed i was because it was genuinely such a fun night. like i felt so good#because i was like. yay!!! i have friends and im spending time with my friends i love my friends!!!!#and all 3 of us r sitting by the campfire and im pouring my heart out saying how much i valued them#and how much it meant to me to have them in my life as ppl i could be myself around#and just knowing thst the sentiment wasnt reciprocated the same and tht they#at thst point werent really thinking about me anymore is lik#okay. okayg. its fine. im fine about it#i was so embarrassed asking for 10 more minutes there with them. i didnt wanna go but they clearly didnt wsnt me around anymore#every time we hung out after that it only got worse. ogufvhh.#i genuinely think they only invited me out because i was like. idk 'amusing'#but not in a 'you are our friend and are funny and we like having you around'#but like throwing peanuts at a caged circus animal.#one of them did the others makeup. looked real nice#later in the night i asked him to do mine too bc i thought it would be fun/i never play arohnd with makeup#and he doesnt tske it serious. just absolutely fucks my face up with mascara and everything#looking back on that now really cements just how blind i was to how they actually saw me#i was thoroughly duped. fuck my derp life.#ow.err#sorry for diary entry posting again its 1am im tired and i need to write this down so I don't forget it happened to me#maybe ill delete it in the morning and actually writr abt it in my journal idk
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