#not necessarily to find every flaw but just to see how much effort goes into it and this one sure does!!!

[songofsaraneth]

tv show reccomendation: Scavengers Reign!

adult animated series on HBO Max about survivors of a spaceship wreck surviving on an alien planet, a pal originally pitched it as "Nausicaa meets Annihilation vibes" in terms of whimsy + body horror elements, and I think that both fits and is a compelling way to describe it. the plot isn't the most in depth but I think that allows the show to wrap everything up nicely in the 12 eps and maximize screen time on the best part which is the alien planet's ecology and worldbuilding.

it was also just very refreshing i feel like theres been a divide in western animation in recent years where a lot of "adult" shows are that way solely because they're crude/sexual/edgy, and meanwhile anything "whimsical" gets slotted into kid genres and is therefore limited in how far it can push anything. so its nice to get a show that balances whimsy with body horror elements without relying on like, sex or fart jokes.

also the last episode has a really gorgeous animation sequence nearish the end, you rarely see animation of earth-biology/geology/evolution done with such care and attention to detail, and it was really wonderful to see how much effort the writers/animators put into that aspect of the show and clearly loved it + wanted the viewer to love it too

[interact-if]

I’m sending this in because it seems like I could get good opinions from not only you but also the people who follow you. I have an idea for an IF, and I’m very excited for the story. My question is, would people be offended if I made the playable MC physically female that identifies as female and all the ROs physically male that identify as male? I have seen some out there that are strictly M/M or F/F, and I’m so happy they exist because I feel that population is underserved. I just feel, not having the experience, I could bring justice to writing LGBTQ+ (and I don’t want to offend anyone in that community by writing something incorrect), mostly when it comes to sex (which I plan on including in my game). I support games that have those relationships in them and admire them, even play those games, and I don’t care who plays my game. The more the merrier! I still want the characters to be diverse. One of them will be of a descent that is based on Japanese culture and many others, based on Persian culture. I also want the playable MC to have any skin tone/features the player wants. I just want to know if this…will have people coming after me? I want to tell my story, but I don’t want to be attacked for it, if that makes sense?

I really don’t mean to offend anyone. I just don’t want to cause trouble, and I just want to respectfully ask for people’s opinions on this.

Hello! So, before diving into our response, we’d like to emphasize that we are but five individuals running a blog devoted to interactive fiction. We are neither the end-all-be-all voice on this matter nor necessarily a representative mouthpiece for the community.

First off, you can write whatever you would like to write; as the author, you have absolute control over what you produce, so nobody is going to stop you from writing what you want to write. It’s also important to write what you enjoy.

That said, the community is, in our experience, very inclusive, and largely devoted to providing a space for the queer community. We can understand the desire to have an appropriately inclusive and diverse game, and why you particularly want to turn to characters of color to bridge the gap; however, substituting characters of color for queer characters to claim diversity in a project is possibly something that will receive the wrong kind of attention. Furthermore, assuming that writing characters of color well is any less complex than writing queer characters potentially suggests that said characters could end up underdeveloped or tokenized. (See Nines' and Roast’s response below for more context)

All of that doesn’t mean you can’t make a game that’s genderlocked and restricted to M/F romance, and I don’t think anyone will be offended by such a game, but it might limit your audience. At the same time, there are (many) other visual novels that have this format, so it’s not something unheard of. As far as CoGs and text-based games go, as far as we’ve seen, they are rarely genderlocked unless for plot reasons, etc.

There is also a chance that you may receive feedback requesting that the MC be un-gender locked, or for additional ROs to be added of different gender, or for the ROs to be made gender selectable. These requests may be gentle, insistent, kind, or aggressive, and they may only occur at the beginning of your work, or may occur throughout your game development. Maybe they’ll never happen at all. It’s impossible to predict the future, but in our experience, we have often seen this occur to games in the past with RO gender imbalances, locks, etc.

As for searching for feedback, if you’re looking for feedback but you’re not pursuing the CoG format, may we suggest the Reddit subforum? It’s a little difficult for you to get the feedback/dialogue going here that you’d likely like to get, so Reddit’s format may be more conducive to your needs.

In the meanwhile, those who would like to provide their thoughts are encouraged to respond in the comments of this post. Please remember to be polite with your discussion!

— — —

The above is our general mod response; a few of us wanted to offer some individual thoughts as well, and those can be found below. These are personal opinions and reflect each individual mod’s thoughts, rather than a collective response.

While it can be a little daunting to write about something you’re not familiar with, writing often broaches topics with which we don’t personally have first-hand experience. Additionally, queer relationships are ultimately still relationships between people—they’re not all that different from heterosexual relationships. If you’re worried about the way you’re portraying your content, that’s something well-curated beta readers/testers (from the population you’re trying to represent) can help test for, and give feedback on. And on top of all of the above, that’s not to mention the potential issues associated with substituting in POC to replace queer people, which is perhaps not what your intention is, but is what it feels like your intention is (see Roast and Nines for all the ins and outs on why this is an issue). Ultimately, I stand by the opinion that on the most basic level, most will not be offended by a game that’s about a straight, cisgender female MC—yet some, or even many, may be off-put by such a game. I know I, personally, am. (P. S. Also consider that the MC has to interact with the other ROs that she isn’t romancing, as friends, enemies, acquaintances, what have you—having selectable ROs, for example, also allows the player to “diversify” their acquaintance group, if they so wish.) — Dani

I understand that this ask is coming from well-meaning intent but I would just like to state that writing characters of color is not easier than writing queer characters. One of them isn't a substitute for the other. Writing characters of color and writing queer characters are separate matters entirely, and both come with its own difficulties. Wanting your characters to be diverse, while admittedly lacking the perspective to back such identities, is still a murky water to navigate.

Personally speaking, and I really do have to be transparent about this, the way certain sentences were phrased in this ask rubbed me the wrong way. Still, I understand that this isn't malicious, just someone who is asking for guidance, which is something I can't fault. We all have to start somewhere, you know? That being said, if you really want to write diverse characters, my general advice is to do research. Lots and lots and lots of research. No author is exempt from that, honestly.

Find helpful articles, journals, studies, video essays, etc. to aid you in writing your characters. If you still feel like that's lacking in some way, which is a valid concern, being open to feedback from the appropriate people is also a good way to improve. The integrity of a project is important, but so is reasonable criticism against, for, or about it. Keep an open mind, educate yourself, and don't be afraid to ask for help or clarification should it be needed. — Nines

Nines says it well that queer people and poc are not interchangeable nor any 'easier' than the other. The fact that you're willing to do research and include characters of color yet not include queer characters tells me that you're afraid yet misconstruing how much effort actually gets put into cultural research.

There is a 'purity culture' that goes around tumblr that claims that diverse characters have to be perfect, have to have no flaws, cannot die, cannot have trauma, cannot face adversity, they must be perfect and good and happy.

I think this is bullshit.

I also think the backlash from this 'purity culture' community is what is creating so much fear in authors (including queer authors!!) in making characters with different backgrounds and identities than their own. In making queer characters with flaws and tragedy and negative characteristics.

If we only ever wrote what we knew, what we've personally experienced, fiction would be a very boring world.

Being afraid of representing a community wrong is a valid fear, but it shouldn't stop you from trying. You can write what you want to write, but it shouldn't be limited by fear.

Do your research. Get sensitivity readers. Be open to feedback. Be willing to be afraid, but do it anyway.

If, in the end, you decide to gender lock, make it an informed decision at the very least, and if you are including characters of color, know that that is a heavy amount of research too, and should be handled with the same care as what we've said on queer characters.

And like we've said before, we are not the voice of the community, we cannot give you permission or our blessing or flawless feedback, we are just five people running a blog. — Roast

Alright this was already mentioned a bit before but I wish to add my two cents: M/F relationships are the norm anywhere else in real life, and if you feel like there's no space for you and your relationships in a mostly-queer community then you might want to recheck if this is the community you wish to have as your target audience.

No one's going to be offended if your story is cishet, as we said, but you are extremely reducing your audience by doing such. The appeal of interactive fiction is that a good bunch of us have played female-mc-straight-love-interest visual novels in the past, having to endure being misgendered or romancing people we might not be attracted to.

The current interactive fiction community we're trying to promote has opened a million doors for everyone to explore themselves, so don't be surprised if your story, no matter how good, is ignored due to this aspect. Most of us have no interest in being forced to play as something we're not.

Again, we cannot tell you what you can or cannot do. We don't speak for the community, we speak for ourselves and for this blog. Maybe every comment we've made was incorrect and your game turns out to be successful, really, but it's what we believe you should keep in mind. — Cruz

Honestly, I don’t have much to add since everyone here mentioned and discussed important facets of this ask! At the end of the day, we are not a group who can or will ever dictate what you can or cannot write. That is not the purpose of the blog or the reason why we’re working as hard as we are. 

There have always been games with this specific set of characteristics: gender locked MCs and/or ROs. Some people may enjoy it, others may not, for whatever reason. 

Unfortunately, we cannot guarantee anything in terms of how people will respond to a game, because people will react to content differently. All we can do is offer our perspective and the potential things that may happen in the future based on the experience the lovely devs above have had. (fellow interact-if mods, my beloved ❤️)

It’s always admirable for people to reach out when they’re unsure, and I’m sure there are infinitely more opinions that vary or are similar to the ones in this response. But there you have it, some of our thoughts! 

Goodluck with your project! — Mars

[scripttorture]

Hi! A minor antagonist of mine survived the genocide/torture of his species (sci-fi setting) as a child. He's now a young adult and suffers from nightmares, memory problems, anxiety, etc. My worry comes from him being an antagonist who is in a position of power now and who ignores/implicitly encourages the extensive abuse/torture of someone beneath him because their people are the ones that perpetrated the genocide. Is this skirting too close to the 'torture survivors are evil' trope?

Honestly I think the best answer to this one is: how many survivor characters do you have in the story?

 Purely from a writing perspective I think that you need multiple survivors in any story focused on genocide. Because if you only have one survivor then you’ll struggle to really communicate the scale of what happened.

 I had an ask a while back about competing communities (I can’t seem to find it-) where I talked at length about how torture and genocide imply communities of abusers and communities of survivors. Because we’re talking about a scale of tens or hundreds of thousands of victims.

 So if the genocide is a big part of the background to this story then it should effect more then two characters. Because we’re not just talking about a single ‘abuser’ and a single victim here.

 Think about where you can have other effected characters and how those characters were effected.

 Are there people who got away just in time, missing the worst of it? Do they have survivors guilt? How many members of their extended families did they lose?

 Are there people with tales similar to this antagonist? How did they survive? Did they do things they regret? Conversely do they feel justified in doing what they had to in order to survive? Perhaps they don’t feel like they took any active role in their own survival. Did their families make it? Their friends? How big are the gaps in their lives?

 Were there ex-patriot or diaspora communities away from the areas the genocide took place? How has the genocide effected their politics? How many friends and relatives did they lose? Has it made their community feel stronger, more involved in each other’s growth and safety? Has it led them to open their doors to refugees and survivors of their own species? Has it led them to do the same for other vulnerable groups?

 I was reading the work of a Holocaust survivor a few weeks ago and I was struck by her observation that for survivors this was not something that ended. Yes she was freed from the death camps, yes she lived and yes she emigrated to the USA. But the experience moved with her and (from what I can remember of her words) ‘continued on the streets of Boston.’

 She spoke about how she was the last person left in her father’s line. That entire side of the family had been murdered.

 And that, that is what genocide is for survivors: the holes in their lives where other people used to be. People they loved and cherished. People they passed on the street. Strangers that they connected to however briefly.

 Holes.

 You communicate that to your readers by showing the people who are left and having them show what they lost in simple every day terms.

 When I was a child there was a section of the souk which was full of jewellers. Most of them were Yemeni. And I liked shiny things as much as the next mammal but I never paid the Yemenis much mind. They tended to sell a lot of big, gold pieces, well out of a child’s price range and I didn’t find the style particularly pretty.

 So I’d say my salaams and walk on past to the stalls that sold antiques or Afghani pieces to look at semi-precious stones I could afford.

 They were young men, the Yemenis. They were probably only a decade older then me, if that. They were probably married. They may have had young children. A lot of immigrants in Saudi come over when young and have families (whether those families are with them or ‘back home’), this holds true of my family as well.

 One day the government decided it didn’t want them any more, they changed the visa laws. It did not quite happen overnight but the Yemenis left.

 There’s been a famine in Yemen since 2016. And I wonder how many of those men who smiled and said salaam as I passed are still alive. I wonder how many of them got typhoid when the infrastructure collapsed completely. I wonder how many of their children died and how many of them will be crippled for the rest of their lived because of hunger.

 I could tell you about their neat clothes and carefully slicked back hair. I could tell you how much effort they put into their winning smiles and how they’d try to persuade my mother to stop and look even though she wore horribly unfashionable abayas. (The rich white women all wore terrible abayas as far as I can remember.)

 And that’s genocide. Seen from a remove.

 Survivors are not saints. The urge to put survivors of global atrocities up on a pedestal as if everything they do and say contains exceptional moral insight is… flawed. Surviving something awful doesn’t make people morally worse and it also doesn’t make people morally better. Acting ethically is something everyone chooses to do or not.

 I don’t think there’s anything necessarily ‘wrong’ with having a survivor be one of the bad guys in your story. They’re people and they can make bad decisions like anyone else. As long as they’re not the only survivor in the story. Because you only get that implication when you’ve got one point of representation.

 So include the community. Think about where you can work in other survivors. Think about the diversity of experience there. Think about how to communicate the scale you need to justify the term ‘genocide’.

 There are a lot of books and survivor accounts of the genocides that have occurred since the 1900s. They’re difficult reading but I think picking up a few could really help you understand the kind of scale and diversity of experience you’re aiming for.

 Mao’s Great Famine is a good one for scale but it doesn’t really focus on survivor accounts. I found that made it slightly easier reading. I still haven’t read all of We Wish To Inform You That Tomorrow We Will Be Killed With Our Families but it does contain interviews with people who were directly effected and people in the diaspora community. That may be helpful.

 I think Amnesty International would also be a good source here. There are currently ongoing genocides in China and Burma which you should be able to find a decent amount of information on. The effected groups are the Uighurs and the Rohingya. There are diaspora communities for both groups and interviews with multiple survivors available online.

 There are other genocides happening at the moment, but I think you’ll find the most free, English information and interviews looking at these two.

 Overall, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with this scenario so long as you take steps to make sure this villain isn’t the only survivor we see. The message that abused people go on to abuse others only comes across if you have a single survivor. And I really think that your story will be deeper and richer in a lot of ways by including others.

 Survivors are people. Most of the time I say that to encourage people to remember their positive capacities: their passions and relationships. But it goes both ways.

 Survivors are people; which means we shouldn’t paint them all as saints and we shouldn’t paint them all as devils.

 I hope that helps :)

Edit: Typos, whoops. Thank you for catching that.

Available on Wordpress.

Disclaimer

[redeemed-wren]

What up lads new Philza Lore dropped

Been thinking about this since it's been revealed that c!Phil is immortal, or at least centuries old. I like analysing things, and my brain has been chugging away analysing c!Phil since this new revelation and I finally found time to sit down and get my thoughts out.

Unless specified, I'll be talking about the character Philza from now on! Let's get into it. Putting a cut in because it gets long. Also most of this is gonna be from memory because it's getting late and I'm not digging through 4+ months of vods!

remind me to never use the new Beta posting layout it gave me a word limit and then yeeted like 800 words i hate it here lets see if i can remember what I wrote

I’ve moved a lot in my life. I think on average about one new city every four years. This has meant a lot of goodbyes, a lot of meeting new people and breaking into new circles. When this new information was revealed, I instantly felt things click - I could relate to Phil suddenly. 

Being centuries-old would create similar emotions, I think. Constantly being around people you know you will outlive, constantly finding yourself in new circles and groups. It takes a toll. 

Being centuries old effects how Phil views relationships, people and countries.

Because I’ve moved a lot, I’ve noticed that I’m starting to get the attitude of ‘I can’t be bothered.’ I can’t be bothered going out of my way to meet new people, to make new friends I’m likely to move away from in a few years. 

I’d imagine Phil would feel much the same way. Making close connections to people is impossible for him, really. He knows he’s going to outlive those around him and so the effort to put into growing relationships seems pointless. 

I think this is most seen in his and Wilbur’s relationship. Wilbur clearly wants his attention - his pride - and clearly hasn’t gotten it to the extent he wants. (“I wonder if Phil would be proud of me” comes to mind. Plus I’m sure there’s something there with his relationship with Fundy and that cycle of bad parenting. And yes, it likely contributed to his spiral into madness, but this post is about Phil, not Wilbur.) But from Phil’s perspective, he knows Wilbur isn’t going to live as long as he is. 

It explains why he’s so quick to kill Wilbur as well. Wilbur is too far gone, and Phil makes the decision to kill him before he does more harm. He’s long ago accepted the fact that his son will die before him, and so he is able to kill him. 

Likewise, his relationship with Tommy reflects this. He doesn’t reach out to Tommy because there’s no point in making a new bond with someone who he will outlive. (especially with Wilbur’s death so fresh). However, he does make it clear that if Tommy reached out to him, he would have answered - more on that later. 

His age also means he’s always looking at the big picture. He’s likely seen countless countries and empires and kingdoms rise and fall and he knows that they’re all temporary. He doesn’t see the importance in them like those who live and die within the lifespan of a nation. 

He doesn’t see the small details. He doesn’t understand why Ghostbur is so upset about a simple sheep’s death - one with unlimited lives as well. In his mind, it’s just an animal. In Ghostbur’s mind, Friend is a friend, an important small thing. Phil is so used to moving on from things, he doesn’t understand the importance of pets and nations and a home. 

This is all temporary in his mind, and lives are more important to him than a country. L’manberg was corrupting people (Tubbo, quite possible Wilbur in his mind) and thus it didn’t serve its purpose and needed to go before it hurt more people. (plus I wonder if there were some underlying anger and frustration towards L’manberg for the loss of his wings. It’s basically canon now (everyone say thank you Sadist!) that Phil’s wings were damaged during the explosion, and I would imagine for someone so old, losing limbs like wings and being grounded would be a shock and some of that may have been projected onto L’manberg)

(I also want to talk briefly about his and Techno’s relationship. While we haven’t had any canon confirmation, I don’t think Techno is fully mortal and it makes sense for Phil to gravitate towards other ancient beings. Plus my friend pointed out another theory in that Phil could be a patron of some kind for Techno, something Blood God related, I don’t know we need more information Techno please give us character lore I beg of you)

OKAY! I rewrote what I already had sometimes I hate Tumblr anyway onward let’s write this out before I pass out I’m tired. 

Phil is willing to create relationships - but on his terms.

I said Phil is distant and hesitate to create bonds with people but this isn’t necessarily true. I want to point out Fundy and Ranboo and talk about his interactions with them and then talk about Tommy. 

At the start of season two, Fundy, Ghostbur and Phil were really driving the lore. Phil seemed to be trying to bond with Fundy, and I think a lot of that likely had to do with guilt from what happened to Wilbur but there’s something deeper to it. He makes an effort to be there for Fundy and to help him.  

Likewise, he went out of his way to save Ranboo from lava (though the overlap for in character and ooc is large there, I think it still applies), and brought him home after Doomsday, saving him from his own mind. 

Phil seems himself as a benevolent being. He sees himself as right, and part of that is being there for his grandson, or helping out a hybrid in trouble. 

However, it’s important to note - this is on his terms. He’s lived so long, he doesn’t want to put energy into relationships that won’t give him back something. For Fundy, I think a lot of it was making up for what happened with Wilbur and family responsibility, but he enjoyed spending time with Fundy (it’s been a while I need to rewatch some of those vods I think). 

With Ranboo, again I feel like there’s a small part in fulfilling some need of Phil’s to feel like he’s being ‘good’ and plucking this kid out of a warzone makes him feel good. But at the same time, Ranboo is polite, quiet, generous - the perfect kind of person to put energy into building a relationship with. Plus, I would not be surprised if Ranboo reminds him of Techno.  

If a relationship takes too much, or isn’t worth it - Phil drops it and doesn’t bother trying to fix what is broken. Why would he? He’s just going to outlive whatever the problem is. He lived in L’manberg, but he was never a part of it. He dismissed Tubbo so quickly when he saw Tubbo was being corrupted by his power and position. He didn’t follow up on Fundy or check that he was okay or make any effort to reach out to him when things started to go down. 

And that brings us to Tommy. We’re all upset at how Phil reacted to Tommy’s exile and the following, but I think it makes so much sense. Like I said before, he doesn’t put the effort into reaching out to Tommy, but he would have gone to the Beach Party if Tommy had reached out to him. He was happy to see Tommy at Techno’s place, he was willing to create that relationship and bond. 

But from Phil’s pov, Tommy was thrown aside by his home, found shelter with Techno, and then betrayed Techno by siding with the people who threw him aside. (and Techno is loyal to the few he trusts, so a betrayal like that will hit hard and Phil can see that). It makes sense that Phil decides that isn’t a relationship he wants to put energy into fixing. 

(Also to clarify, I’m not saying Tommy was wrong to side with L’manberg and Tubbo, or that Techno was right in lashing out like he did. I’m just saying it’s a complex issue, and seeing all sides of it is important - they were both betrayed that day). 

Living so long means Phil only cares to put effort and energy into relationships that benefit him, in whatever way. If someone is too difficult or needs too much effort, then in Phil’s mind there’s no reason to pursue that relationship. 

Being so old makes Phil overly confident in himself.

Philza is always in the right. Full stop. End of story.

He’s lived so long and has so much more experience than anyone else that he thinks he is in the right all the time. His fatal flaw is his pride and - much like Techno - he refuses to see anything from anyone else’s point of view. 

He saw L’manberg’s corruption, saw that it as a nation was hurting people and made the decision that it was doing more hurt than good so of course he joined Techno and Dream in destroying it. 

He sees the big picture and so of course Friend’s death doesn’t matter, Friend was just an animal. Ghostbur is too naive and foolish to understand that now. 

Unless he learns to listen and see someone else’s point of view - which will be very hard, because he’s so old and connecting with people is hard for him - he’s going to continue to think he’s always in the right. 

Conclusion

There’s a few things I want to see/think might happen with Phil’s character, one more likely than the other. 

First off - Karl. 

If anyone knows how to look at the big picture, if anyone knows how insignificant the simple things are and how pointless it can be sometimes it’s the server’s resident time traveller. But where Karl differs from Phil is that he cares. 

Karl goes out of his way to help, risks his memory and sanity to make things better for his friends. Pours time and effort and energy into relationships that may be onesided or temporary - heck, have you seen how much effort he goes to to be liked by everyone? Sometimes too much. 

I’d love to see some Karl and Phil interaction. Maybe in a Tales episode (young Phil? Backstory? Maybe?) or even in regular canon. It’s unlikely probably, but I think it could be an interesting discussion. Someone write a fic. 

Secondly - death. 

CC!Phil has made it no secret that his character is probably going to die at some point (if only for ghost WINGSSSS). Honestly? I think it could be a great direction to take the character. 

If Phil could find something worth dying for, could find the joys in the small things, could focus on the little details enough to realize - ‘oh. This does matter’ I honestly think that would be cool. A sacrificial death, maybe even for something as ‘insignificant’ as a pet (although pets can be important on this server). I’m not sure, but I think making peace with death would be a great way to take an immortal character’s arc.

There’s more I could talk about - for instance, I haven’t even mentioned the ‘not as painful as what I inflicted on their enemies’ comment and Phil’s whole ‘angel of death’ vibe, or the fact that he’s always only had one life. But it’s getting late and I’ve been writing this for like an hour and a half and I’m really tired. Feel free to add on! 

[tsuzuruchipalace]

rating mankai company based on character design

Note: I will take into account hair, color scheme, sprite poses, mostly outfits that are not from plays or scouts, and memorability. This is half an objective view and half my personal opinion.

Disclaimer: I curse a lot for comedic effort. I am mean because I am funny. No, you cannot disagree.

Spring 🌸

sakuya: you get what you see. a literal spring babey. his hair and color scheme’s a little generic, but he’s mankai’s poster boy, so that’s understandable. speaking of generic, his main pose is just this emoji 🧍‍♂️ his outfits tend to be kinda basic, but any outfit with a mostly pink top gets him bonus points. 6/10

masumi: okay his hair is elite. probably one of the most memorable character design aspects among the cast. his mole and eyes also make him very pretty. love my boy’s dark color scheme. unfortunately, points must be docked for baiting us with the emo fit, then as the story progresses, he starts dressing like the trust fund kid he is smh. 9/10

tsuzuru: i love you tsuzu but. my mans is so basic. if he didn’t have such a great personality, he’d be as bland as untoasted white bread. the saya of a3. his best design aspect is the fact that he doesn’t dye his roots. his outfits look comfy, but not necessarily eye-catching. 4/10

itaru: everyone who starts a3! with no knowledge of these characters has one (1) thought about itaru. sec sea man. so obviously there’s something appealing/good about his character design. i think part of the appeal is his fuck-all demeanor. obviously, his eyes and hairstyle are attractive, but the way the artists draw him gives him an air of not caring, which is also attractive in a way. his dyed tips are also nice. he looks kinda lame when he dresses professionally, but his casual outfits hit. especially the ones with light pink. 8/10

citron: although i’m not a big fan of the “character is foreign and therefore must talk and dress different and be funny” trope in these types of media, his fashion does make him stand out from the other characters who tend to have more basic clothes. citron’s summer, travel, and autumn outfits SLAP and anyone who says otherwise has bad taste. his hair and eyes are interesting, but his overall color scheme can be a bit repetitive. 7/10

chikage: i hate this guy’s fucking bowlcut. fucking salad bowl lookin ass. every outfit is the same turtleneck and sneakers in two alternate colors. his outfits are so plain. only thing i like is his casual outfit glasses. HOWEVER. that’s the point. he’s supposed to look boring and blend in because he’s a spy. it’s a smart design, i just don’t like it so im docking points. stay mad about it. 5/10

Summer ☀️

tenma: im yawning. you think tsuzu was boring? this guy has orange hair and i still find his design boring. that’s how you know he’s basic. he’s got generic messy shounen protag hair. he could be from any property. if i drew fanart of him, people would ask where he’s from. he either dresses like your slightly homophobic frat boy classmate or a grandfather who gets his shit stolen by the asshole kids next door. 2/10

yuki: he has the r a n g e. all of yuki’s casual outfits hit. they’re all different, but cute in their own way. to no one’s surprise, one of the best styled characters. though i like his general color scheme, i’m personally not the biggest fan of his hairstyle. it’s okay, but a little plain at times. but i think it suits him well. 7/10

muku: i love him. muku’s design is what i love about this game. you see him, and you immediately know what his character archtype is supposed to be. he’s the soft, cute boy. and if this was a mediocre series, that’d be all muku is. but since this is a3, he’s so much more than that. he’s smart, passionate, sensitive to others’ feelings, and protective. a3 does a great job designing characters that look exactly like their archtype, but having a much more developed personality than that. getting back to the actual subject at hand, i love his hairstyle and color, as well as his outfits. you can never go wrong with light pink hair. i may be biased but fuck you. 10/10

misumi: another great memorable design. his eye shape and hair style are really unique. his outfits also elevate his design. street fashion is always a plus for me. though sumi’s design is special in the world of a3! where most of the characters are just. guys. regular lookin dudes. i think that outside of the game, his design would not be as unique. 8/10

kazunari: personally, im a fan. maybe it’s cause i have an affinity for blonde anime boys. but his hairstyle is pretty unique and his trendy looks set him apart from most characters, even outside this game. and he has a pretty lovable expression in his sprites. his fatal flaw is that his fits are either a hit or miss. they’re either really cute or wtf. at least he’s memorable. 8/10

kumon: i love that he reminds me of an owl. his hair and eyes are very cute and his color scheme is great. and i think they did a great job making him look related to juza, but still very much his own character. but he dresses like your classmate from middle school that looks like a nike-sponsored highlighter. yeah, he’s the sporty one, and i like the windbreakers but... i cannot excuse his summer fit. also, i find his design a little tame compared to some of the other characters in the game. 6/10

Autumn 🍂

banri: i hate his hair. i hate it so much. i know in canon it’s nice and he takes good care of it, but it looks so fucking greasy. the style makes him look so greasy and it makes me mad. he looks like an asshole. i mean, he is, so it fits. if this dumb bitch changed his hair more often, i’d like his design so much more. you saw this coming; his love for cheetah print is fucking repulsive. BUT, maybe unpopular opinion, minus the animal print, his sense of fashion is not bad. why do yall clown on it. if the fit is fresh, the fit is fresh. anyway, he looks like an ass, but objectively his design is kinda eh. 5/10

juza: im sorry im DEADLY fucking biased when it comes to juza, but he’s so handsome. his hair is a such a rich, pretty shade of purple and his eyes are so mesmerizing. his hairstyle is so attractive. his face is so pretty. yeah his design isn’t crazy unique, but the simplicity just works. im so sorry im this man’s whore i didn’t choose this life... but i can stop being a simp for one second to say that he has a boring fashion sense. i mean it’s kinda hot how simple his outfits are but his travel fit is good-- wait a minute i just remembered the fucking sandals. docking one point. 9/10

taichi: okay shut the fuck up i LOVE taichi’s design. so eye-catching and fun. as i’ve said i love street fashion, and taichi’s lil e-boy fits are right up my alley. that shade of bright red goes so well with his fashion sense, making a really cohesive design. with his main outfit, you can tell he purposely dresses like that to be trendy and it’s so smart. 10/10

omi: im sorry omi stans but his design is kinda,, boring. i legit had such a hard time identifying him when i first got into this game. the scar saves it a bit. but... only a bit. he’s just got. hair. and a dad outfit. i mean his tits are huge, but i don’t think i can call that a character design aspect. kinda forgettable design. i don’t dislike it though, so he ranks higher than tenma did. 3/10

sakyo: im not sure why but i really like sakyo’s design?? the contrast of his light hair and his dark clothes is nice. also, megane rights. even when i thought he was an npc during my first playthrough, i really dug his design and thought he was memorable. i actually cannot pinpoint a reason why. i wish i had more constructive things to say... but upon thinking about it, he has a karen haircut, which kinda dampers my thoughts on his design. i like his moles, but i honestly did not notice them until the game pointed them out. 7/10

azami: azami has a damn good design. i don’t think anyone can deny that. the long hair, the contrast of black hair and bright blue eyes, his eye shape. all very eye-catching design aspects. and the street fashion style strikes again. the color scheme matches well with everything. this review is lame, but there’s really only good things i can say about his design so. 10/10

Winter ❄️

tsumugi: it’s so late and im so tired of looking at these sprites. anyway, tsumugi’s design is okay. i think his color scheme’s a bit limited and his outfits are a bit meh. he has a more respectable bowlcut than chikage, but it’s still a bowlcut and it’s still boring. i think the best part of his design is his eyes, they’re very soft and kind. but other than that, tsumugi looks pretty basic. 5/10

tasuku: tbh, i didn’t even realize that the godza member tasuku was the same character as the winter troupe guy in the game’s opening until the middle of episode 3... yeah. im slow. ooooooor... tasuku has the worst fucking design in the game. yeah i said it. come at me, but tasuku’s design fucking sucks. i literally thought he was a minor character until they forced me to realize he wasn’t. his fashion sense is... questionable at best. i look at that man’s hair and think he doesn’t shampoo. he looks so bland i could dry up from looking at him. im sorry but his tits do not make up for the sheer fucking snorefest of his character design. he’s so boring i won’t elaborate anymore. 1/10

hisoka: ya get what ya see part 2. i like that i can tell he’s the sleepy and mysterious character just by his design, but honestly, that’s a character trope im generally not a big fan of. so i wasn’t thrilled by hisoka’s design at first. but it’s effective. i like the hairstyle with the white hair, but i’m not too fond of his color scheme. his outfits look comfy and soft though. it makes sense, but it’s nothing too memorable if you compare him to characters outside the game. 5/10.

homare: ah, now this is a memorable character design. his hairstyle annoyed me in the beginning, but now i love it. it’s so unique and fun. and i like the purple. i also like his outfits. very classy. but honestly, most of his charisma lies in his face. i think that the pure eccentricity of the hairstyle is enough to put him in the top tier without considering any other element. you really could not find this design in any other media. fuck it. i don’t need to consider anything else. 9/10

azuma: i’ll be honest. im not a fan of long-haired anime men. especially the pretty, flirty types. i don’t know, i just don’t vibe with them. originally, i didn’t like azuma’s design, but now i do. i don’t know how, but i think it’s because azuma is just that powerful. his ponytail makes it more bearable for me and i like the way his bangs frame his face. he just has pretty eyes and face. unfortunately his color scheme is a little too repetitive for me and his casual outfits are a little boring. 6/10

guy: maybe it’s because he looks dead inside, but i love him. i don’t even know this character that well yet, but i think his deadass expression is great. the darker under-eyeline sets him apart from the other characters and i love how he dresses. i think his hair is kinda eh. i personally like it, but objectively, it’s meh. it’s a solid design, but ngl it’s nothing special when i really think about it. 6/10

[gregorygrim]

Dragon Prince Hot Takes

!!! Full Spoiler For “The Dragon Prince” Seasons 1-3!!!

So I finally got around to watching The Dragon Prince. Timely, I know, but better late than never i guess. I’m not completely caught up yet as I only got as far as S3E7 “Hearts of Cinder” in this first sitting. Considering I haven’t binged any series in almost two years, I think that’s pretty respectable. This means I won’t discuss the last few episodes here, except for a couple of things I was unfortunately spoiled for already, hence full spoilers.

These are basically my first thoughts and opinions after the binge and a good night’s sleep. It’s gonna be a lot so if you don’t care or don’t want spoilers…

TL;DR: 7½/10. Generally enjoyable, there are some aspects I’m not exactly fan of, but no dealbreakers

Firstly to everyone who told me that this was the new ATLA: you all need to rewatch Avatar stat! Like seriously. There are definitely parallels and given the cast and crew I think that’s what they were going for too (which is why I think it’s fair to compare the two), but still, no.

Secondly I love most of the worldbuilding and love that the series at least tries to give it to us in a bit of a non-linear fashion, even if it is kind of clumsy at times. I know some people are put off by expository dialogue and flashbacks, but I’m an epic fantasy nerd, I need that sweet, sweet lore to live as much as you mortals need food.

I like that there was clearly an effort made to integrate the worldbuilding in more subtle ways. For example you may initially find it kind of weird that all these different human ethnicities are existing perfectly integrated in what looks like a medieval society, until you remember from the opening monologue that the Human Kingdoms are the result of a massive diaspora following the human exodus from Xadia, so obviously people got all mixed up everywhere. It’s representation with an excellent in-world reason and that just brings me joy.

I also love the magic system(s) even though we haven’t really gone into that just yet. it really feels like there was a genuine effort made to create underlying mechanics for the magic rather than just making each spell a vaguely elemental themed ability. I really hope we’ll dive deeper into that in coming seasons.

I also like the little nods to other works of fantasy: Ezran’s ability to talk with animals is a reference to Tolkien’s world where some royal bloodlines had the ability to speak with animals, specifically birds; Primal Magic and its spells being cast with Ancient Draconic runes and words might be reminiscent of the Ancient Language from the Inheritance Cycle etc.

Thirdly the main cast is great. Callum, Ezran and Rayla are all interesting and relatable characters in their own right and as a group. I’m not going into each of them individually here, but while I think the series as a whole falls short of ATLA, as protagonist parties go I dare say this one is nearly on nearly on par with the gAang.¹

And yes, I love Bait, which I really did not expect following the first few episodes. I love his weird pug-toad-chameleon design, I love that he works like a flashbang whenever somebody says a quote from Scarface (I wish they hadn’t dropped that later on) and I love how done he is with everything and everyone at all times. I’ve only had him for 25 episodes, but if anything happened to him I would kill all of my followers and then myself.

On top of that, and speaking as someone who god knows is really not into shipping, I love Rayla and Callum’s relationship. It’s believable, it’s refreshing and it brings out the best in both characters without changing basically anything about them. Just two good friends who fell in love. A++, maybe even S tier.

Unfortunately though I can’t sing the same kind of praises about the villains. None of them are terrible (as in terribly written, most of them are pretty awful people), but with one exception they just don’t stand up to the protagonists in quality.

I could simply not take Viren seriously. Even now that is probably the single most powerful magic user in the world, he just has such strong Karen energy, every time he finishes a speech I am overcome with the urge to say “Sir, this is a Wendy’s” and it does not help the mood. I’m not even sure why. It might’ve been the voice because the guy who did Viren (Jason Simpson) also does a lot of kinda slimy characters in various anime dubs, it might be that over-the-top walking stick, idk.

What I’m saying is that as a primary antagonist he simply did not work for me. Which is doubly a shame because this kind of tarnishes the real “Big Bad” of this story by proxy. Aaravos, even as an invisible ghost, with his voice coming out of a caterpillar and next to no info on his backstory, has more style and gravity than all the human antagonists combined. It helps that he is by far the best designed character and Erik Dellums has the voice of a young god, but I’d argue even without that unfair advantage he has the potential to be a top tier villain. While he is stuck as Viren’s “little bug-pal” though he is just being dragged down.

(I’m aware that as of the final episode the caterpillar familiar is undergoing metamorphosis, probably to create a new body for Aaravos’ spirit to inhabit outside of the magic mirror, so I’m definitely hyped for more of him in the coming seasons.)

As for Soren and Claudia, I’ve got mixed feelings. This was one more aspect of the show that a lot of people compared to Avatar and while I see the parallels to Zuko & Azula, they are still very different, at least where Claudia is concerned. I’d also just like to mention that a lot of people told me that they thought the direction in which their storylines went were really surprising and I can’t disagree more. I predicted that Soren would defect to the protagonists on episode 5 right after Viren told him to kill the princes and I knew Claudia was going to stick with her father from episode 12 onward. My point is, it didn’t feel like some kind of plot twist, the way some people made it out to be, and which I don’t think was the intent.

I definitely got the sense that Soren was at least a Zuko-type character, though still not a Zuko clone, and as with Zuko I was consistently able to empathise and sympathise with him and his predicaments. I also appreciated that his dilemma is the result of his convictions and not him being kind of dense, which would’ve been all to easy and probably would’ve ruined his character for me. As it stands he is extremely milktoast, but perfectly functional for his purpose in the story and I can definitely see him evolving further and getting more interesting as we go on.

Claudia is where it gets complicated. Again, I can see the Azula parallels. But unlike that character, who is her father’s animal 110%, Claudia doesn’t strike me as a victim of Viren’s manipulation the way Soren undoubtably is. The way she talks about and uses Dark Magic, how she talks down to Soren and how even Viren finds it difficult to communicate with her, tells me as an audience member that she is an independent person. Which tells me that the cruelty and enthusiasm for causing harm she regularly displays is her own will. And that was before she straight up leads Callum on to manipulate him.

On the other hand I can absolutely relate to her devotion to her family, her big sister role (even though she is younger than Soren) and the way both the separation of her parents before the story and Soren’s injury in episode 16 must’ve affected her because of this. I know that, if my brother had become paralysed from the neck down and I knew a way to heal him, I would not have hesitated to kill that fawn either. Then again her relationship with her father is very different from parental relationships I am familiar with, so I can’t really say I see why she is so devoted to him, other than she promised her mother to stay with him years ago? ¯\(o_Ō)/¯

So basically Claudia falls into an emotional grey space for me. I can’t really tell how to feel about her either way and I’ll just have to see where she goes from here, which, while fine, isn’t necessarily great for an end of season cliffhanger imo.

Seeing as I’ve already talked about some of the show’s shortcomings, I think it’s time to dive into some of the what I would consider flaws.

Firstly this show needed at least 12 episode seasons. I have never made a secret out of my dislike for the modern short seasons and while I recognise that in the current climate in the industry giving everything full 25 episode seasons isn’t really doable, the pacing of this show, especially for the first season is just outright bad at times. It works as of the second season, but the first season alternately feels like it’s either rushing through or crawling along the whole way through.

The believability of Rayla’s and the princes’ relationship really suffers from this the most. It comes a bit out of nowhere on the boat ride and is then taken for granted way to quickly. Like Callum, seriously, this girl tried to kill you and your brother not even a day ago and you are currently cut off from all allies you have ever had until now. A little skepticism isn’t misplaced here. I also wold’ve liked if we’d just gotten a bit more of a sense of movement with the characters. I get that this is not the kind of show where we can just make an entire episode about the characters travelling and camping, intercut with plots centred around a more expansive supporting cast, but still I really would’ve preferred if Xadia didn’t feel quite so around the corner.

Another issue is with setup and payoff, which I think is partially a consequence of the pacing as well. A lot of smaller plot points are set up within the same episode as the payoff just wreak havoc on the narrative structure. A good example is the episode where they ride down the river in a boat and Bait tires to go into the water, but is saved by Ezran, who then explains the story behind Glowtoads and how they are pefect bait for large water predators. Then Bait falls into the water and is attacked by a massive water monster. This happens within five minutes of one episode and never comes up again. To me that looks like sign of rushed editing, which is probably not entirely the crew’s fault, given that they are on a schedule from Netflix, but it’s still a point of critique.

It unfortunately also manifests in the occasional line of horribly forced dialogue, often for things we can literally see happening on screen. Again, this is mostly the case in the earlier episodes, but it never completely goes away.

Finally, and this is where i get into serious issues that made me want to write this, we gotta talk about representation in this show.

First: disabled representation, meaning Amaya. Why is Amaya deaf? Because it’s good to have disabled representation.

Why is Amaya deaf and a high-ranking military officer? Because they didn’t think it through.

I know this may be a contentious opinion, but it is my belief that the purpose of representation, particularly of disabilities characters may suffer from, in fiction is to, y’know, represent people as they are in life. That includes especially the struggles they face and have to overcome, sometimes their whole life. This is not just me talking out of my ass either. A couple years ago I discussed this with several people that are disabled, specifically blind or otherwise severely visually impaired, in a different context obviously, and the general consensus was that it’s better to have representation that shows their life and their abilities as they are, rather than how they might wish they could be.

A mute or deaf person cannot be a medieval fantasy army general, no matter how good they might be in melee combat or who’s sister they are, because at the end of the day, they’re not able to give commands while they are holding a sword and shield. That such a massive logical oversight, especially in comparison to the extremely well done example of representation I mentioned above, and has so little impact on the plot that it leads me to believe, this aspect of Amaya’s character was tacked on in the last minute without being given any thought for the sole reason of the story having a disabled person in it. All this does is necessitate the existence of two otherwise entirely unnecessary characters, Gren and Kazi, both of which achieve nothing, aside from sometimes being literal set dressing.

That is where representation ends and tokenism begins.

And unfortunately this generally lacklustre attitude also extends to the LGBT+ representation on the show.

As of S3E7 “Hearts of Cinder” we have had two onscreen gay couples on the show (onscreen in the sense that both partners were onscreen and they were somehow confirmed to be in a relationship on the show). One of these, the queens of Duren, literally die in the same flashback they are introduced in, which incidentally also features them invading a foreign nation to poach a rare animal and subsequently starting the conflict at the series’ core. Not a great look.

Aside from serving as a tragic backstory for their daughter, the most impact they had on my viewing experience was that they made wonder how the fuck royal succession works in Duren. (People who know me are rolling their eyes right now because I’m bringing anarchism into this Dragon Prince review, but I’m telling you, this why fantasy monarchies aren’t compatible with LGBT+ politics in the same setting. Dynastic governments are inherently bigoted, you can’t have it both ways.)

The other couple are Runaan and Ethari, Rayla’s caretakers, although if I’m being honest you wouldn’t be able tell based on Runaan’s treatment of Rayla in the first episode. By the time we actually meet Ethari and find out about their relationship with Rayla, Runaan is suffering “a fate worse than death” (direct quote from the show) trapped in a gold coin.

I mean come on. That’s about as “technically not ‘bury your gays’” as it gets.

I think I need to reiterate here that my point is not that this show or its creators are somehow malicious. As i stated in the TL;DR: I don’t think this is a dealbreaker for liking this show. But it does demonstrate that they are prone to slipping to some potentially harmful tropes and this needs to be criticised and pointed out to them.

In conclusion, I really love this show. It’s not ATLA, it never will be, nothing else will ever be ATLA no matter how badly (and terribly) Netflix tries. But it does and should not have to be.

What it has to do though is improve. A lot of the building blocks are already there, such as Aaravos or Claudia’s development, Callum’s father, the origin of Ezran’s ability, the purpose of the “Key of Aaravos”, the true fate of King Harrow (we all know his soul is in the bird, right?) etc. Some things like the treatment of Amaya’s disability unfortunately won’t be fixable as far as I can tell, but if they at least manage to fix the gay representation I can make my peace with that.

¹ I know I said I wouldn’t go into each of the characters individually, but a) you should never trust a stranger on the internet and b) I really want to talk a bit about Callum. Specifically the “mystery” of why the hell he is connected to the Sky Primal. I write “mystery” because I think it’s fairly obvious from whence this talent came: there is only one humanoid species we know of with innate access to the Sky Arcanum and one of Callum’s parent’s is unidentified, presumed dead. 2+2=4. Callum’s father was a Skywing Elf. That’s why he recognised Nyx’s boomerang weapon. He remembered one like it either from his very early childhood (remember that he has photographic memory) or Sarai kept one and he found it at some point.

On top of that the name “Callum” or at least the pronunciation is clearly derived from Latin “caelum” meaning “sky” or “weather” and I already mentioned that Ancient Draconic is just bad Latin. It’s not very subtle. Unless they pull a complete 180 concerning the lore about Primal Magic he’s definitely going to be a half-elf, which would also just so happen to make him the perfect mediator between the Human Kingdoms and Xadia. Hmm, it’s almost as if they are planning ahead.

My question: How the fuck did that happen? Or rather: how did that fuck happen? I don’t think even Harrow knew or he probably would’ve a) paid more attention when Sarai advised against poaching the Magma Titan, because obviously she’s gotten around Xadia more than him, if y’know what i’m sayin’ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) or at least b) put it in his final letter to Callum. Unfortunately we know basically nothing about Sarai except that she was a soldier alongside Amaya and already had Callum before marrying Harrow. So does Amaya know? This is probably the most interesting plot thread in the whole story and as far as my friends told me it’s not going to be touched on anymore in the last two episodes than it already has thus far, which is basically not at all.

[bltngames]

Review: Hotshot Racing

(For this review, Hotshot Racing was played on the Nintendo Switch and the Personal Computer)

If you were to ask me what the most important features of a racing game are, somewhere near the top of the list would be artificial intelligence. Racing games are one of those genres, like fighting games or shooters, where simulating how real human people play the game is vital to the experience. They are inherently multiplayer concepts, even if you’re playing by yourself.

Focus on multiplayer artificial intelligence has waned over the last 15 years. With the rise of the premium multiplayer subscription, it’s more important than ever before to drive players to play matches with flesh-and-blood human beings online. Thus, advancements in “bot” (simulated human player) development hasn’t just slowed down, but in some cases actively regressed. Epic Games, once home to some of the smartest, most robust first person shooter bots in Unreal Tournament, now features bots in their popular Fortnite Battle Royale that fumble around the map with low attention spans and aim like they're blindfolded.

Humans are hard to simulate. The basic functions of a player are easy to emulate -- navigation, aiming, and so on, but it’s the organic logic underneath that proves to be the primary challenge. Humans have lapses in judgement. Humans make mistakes. Mistakes compound on other mistakes. A person wins or loses a given game because of a constantly cascading sequence of decisions, all feeding in to and out of themselves. Whether they realize it or not, every individual person is their own infinite web of chaos. For a computer, which operates in a binary of either perfect success or total failure, no amount of processing power can make for an accurate duplication.

As such, artificial intelligence has to “cheat.” Flaws are introduced into the simulation in order to throw the player a bone. Intelligence almost doesn’t even enter the equation; instead, it’s more about developing a bot that the player simply believes is human, like some kind of a magic trick. It’s a tight balancing act -- if the bot is too good, it looks like an unfeeling terminator. On the opposite, well… compare my Fortnite example up above. There’s a sweet spot that must be hit: smart, but not too smart. Dumb, but not too dumb. It’s easier said than done.

Racing games are a special category here. On top of simulating a human, they must also simulate an automobile, with all of its physical interactions. Tire friction, suspension bounce, weight distribution, and horsepower efficiency just to start. I’d argue that this lends to a much greater tendency for natural mistakes to occur, as the two different simulations (vehicle and player) interact and bounce off of each other. This has led to racing games relying on a handicap known as “rubberbanding.” Essentially, if the player is doing a little too well, the game will start giving tiny advantages to the computer-controlled racer. A boost to top speed, a reduction in weight to improve handling, whatever it takes to ensure the player does not remain unchallenged for very long.

Which finally, at long last, brings us to Hotshot Racing. Developed by Lucky Mountain Games, with assistance by Sumo Digital, it attempts to capitalize on the growing faux-retro-3D trend. It promises visuals to remind you of Sega’s Virtua Racing or Namco’s Ridge Racer, but with decidedly modern vehicle physics and a bit more content than any of those old games could muster.

It honestly makes for a weird first impression. This is a retro-looking game that does not feel like any retro racing game I’ve ever played. Some would undoubtedly argue that’s for the better; like with most sports games, there’s this sense that more simulation is always better. Even modern “arcade” racers like Need for Speed or Wreckfest run pretty robust physics simulations under their hoods, even if they do not necessarily adhere to the rules of reality. But I’ve honestly never seen a problem with this -- I will readily go back to something like Daytona USA or even Stunt Race FX on the Super Nintendo, and never feel especially bothered by their primitive simulations. To me, racing is often more about the sense of speed, how well the controls respond, and the track design than any notion of feeling “realistic.”

That’s not to say it’s really a negative that cars in Hotshot Racing have some vague facsimile of modern weight and “realism” applied to their driving physics, I guess. It’s just something that takes a little bit of getting used to, because seeing these cars drift and sway like the racing games of today is a little anachronistic to the era being called back to. If you still burn a candle for the eventual release of the long-lost Kickstarter darling “90’s Arcade Racer,” know that this isn’t that game. I think it’s fair to say it’s trying to scratch a similar itch, but it’s doing so in a very different way.

One of the more important things Hotshot Racing brings to the table is a roster of personalities to race as and against. When you think of characters in a racing game, your mind probably more naturally gravitates towards something like Mario Kart or some other similarly kid-friendly cartoon racing franchise. For most "serious" racing games, your opponents are unknowable, faceless competitors, but Hotshot gives them voices and identities. Every character in the game has a garage of four cars unique to them, in addition to having their own story to tell. It’s nothing especially deep; most plot manifests in a single cutscene played at the end of a given grand prix, sort of like what you'd get for finishing arcade mode in a game like Street Fighter 2. It’s just a snippet, a taste of what motivated these people and what they’re going to do after winning, but it’s enough.

It goes back to what I said earlier, and how it’s important for the player to believe the artificial intelligence is more than just a computer. Making the racers into characters, with identifiable personalities, faces, and dialog goes a long way to fleshing things out and makes you connect with what’s going on just a little bit better. Or at least, that’s how things would work in theory.

The problem is… well, none of that matters. Put simply, the actual artificial intelligence you race against kind of sucks. In fact, it’s hard to even call them competitors, because your opponents seem to be running a different race where you straight up don’t exist. During any given event, your rival computer drivers seem to be totally blind to your presence, as they will spend the entire race trying to drive straight through you. I don’t know how else to explain it. This isn’t a simple case where the computer drivers are a little aggressive, because they usually aren’t racing to be destructive. They never seem to specifically go out of their way to attack, they just don’t seem to be able to see where you are, and make no effort to react to your presence. You happen to be in their way, so they plow through from behind, ram from the side, and generally just knock you around as if you were invisible.

A side effect to this is something I’ve started noticing in games that bear the Sumo Digital name: computer drivers can hit you way harder than you can hit them back. Whether rubbing against a rival car or engaging in a full-on collision, computer drivers always seem to be able to overpower player vehicles no matter what. In Hotshot Racing, I’ve encountered multiple scenarios where a computer driver shoves me around with little effort, but any attempts to return the favor and my car may as well be made out of styrofoam for how little impact there is. I know Sumo Digital only assisted Lucky Mountain Games on the back half of developing Hotshot Racing, but this has been a consistent element I’ve noticed in Sumo’s Sonic Racing games, too. The computer can be as aggressive (or as blind) as they want, but human players are never allowed to retaliate in a way that feels meaningful.

The worst, by far, is what I mentioned earlier: rubberbanding. “First place” in Hotshot Racing is an often endless war of attrition, where no matter how fast you drive, there are always cars nipping at your heels. Hotshot Racing has a boost system, wherein by drifting or drafting you charge up a segmented meter. Once a segment is full, you can burn it for a burst of speed. I’ve spent 2, 3, even 4 consecutive boosts in a row and the same three opponents were still right behind me, aiming to blindly smash my car out of the way. Hard, medium, or easy mode, it doesn’t matter. They are always there, just a few feet from your rear bumper, magically closing the distance to constantly steal your lead.

From a game design perspective, I understand why rubberbanding exists. It’s to keep the player feeling challenged and engaged. Spending too long in first place going unopposed can start to feel boring. Some game designers view that as a turn off. Races are meant to be battles. At the same time, being able to totally shut out my opponents and gain huge leads makes me feel good. Hotshot Racing robs you of that sense of total domination because of some artificial rule of competitiveness. It’s not that the computer-controlled racers are better than you; they don’t seem to race with any sort of great care or skill. Instead, they catch up and pass you strictly because the Hand of God bends the rules to accommodate them. That doesn’t feel very challenging and it certainly doesn’t feel fair.

That being said, the pseudo-realistic physics mentioned earlier do have their own downside: I found it a little too easy to lose control of my vehicle and spin out. If you brush against a wall wrong or get bumped by a rival during a drift, you often find yourself in a tailspin and unable to recover. Combined with the blind artificial intelligence and the rubberbanding, you have a recipe for getting frustrated. I want to feel confident in my losses, not because I couldn’t predict what Mr. Magoo was going to do next. To add insult to injury, the rubberbanding only gets more prominent as you move up in difficulty, so expect to get spun out more and more as you progress through the game.

There also isn’t a lot to do with your vehicles, either. For many, tuning is an important aspect of racing games, going all the way back to 1989’s “Super Off Road” in the arcades. No upgrade path is available for any of the vehicles in Hotshot Racing, with a basic unlock system geared towards limited cosmetic tweaks. There's tons of tracks to race on, and you constantly earn currency for winning races, but I never cared about spending any of it, because there wasn't much worth buying. Arguably the specific mid-90′s era that Hotshot Racing is aiming at wasn’t really heavy on upgrading or modifying around vehicle stats, but neither were they focused on visual customization either, so it does feel a little arbitrary what they chose to modernize about this experience and what is intended to be a retro tribute.

Beyond standard racing, Hotshot does offer a few alternative modes, but none of them are spotlight features. “Barrel Barrage” has you earning an explosive barrel to drop behind you at every checkpoint until the track becomes a minefield. “Drive or Explode” takes the concept of 1994’s “Speed” and straps a bomb to your car that will explode if you slow down for too long. Finally, “Cops & Robbers” is a confusing push-and-pull where you must steal money as a robber and alternatively wreck other racers as a police officer. Of the three modes, “Drive or Explode” is the clear winner, as it most easily fits into the standard three-lap structure the game centers around. “Barrel Barrage” is merely okay, and benefits more from an increased number of laps, as things slowly get more and more dangerous as you progress. These modes would also benefit if I didn’t get thrown back to the menu after every race; they really needed some kind of Grand-Prix-style playlist.

“Cops & Robbers” deserves its own entire paragraph for what a weird idea it is. It’s less about stealing and arresting and has more in common with the “zombie” modes seen in other games, where everyone gets converted to a specific team until there are no more players left. The idea is that you start with a pot of money that slowly depletes, and you have to race to the next checkpoint to cash out. The faster you get there and the higher amounts you cash out with, the more the cops specifically will target you. Once they wreck your car, you become one of the cops, and it’s your job to wreck the remaining robbers until they all become part of the cop team. Once all the robbers become cops, winners are tallied based on who stole the most money. On paper, this works, because it plays into the game’s slap-happy nature, but in practice I would find myself miles ahead of my fellow robbers and once I finally switched over to a cop, I had to slam on my brakes and wait for everyone else to catch up. By then, the computer-controlled cops had usually done most of my work for me and I lost for... being a better robber than a cop, somehow? It left a lot to be desired.

All of these modes can be played online, where presumably human players would make them more balanced and fun, but finding random pick-up games proved difficult in the time I spent with Hotshot Racing. Now, to be fair, I didn’t try especially hard -- racing games have always been a single player experience for me, as should be obvious by my spiel on artificial intelligence. But I did spend a couple nights trying to match into an online “Quick Race” on the Switch, where I universally came up empty handed. On the PC version of Hotshot Racing (which I received as part of a Humble Bundle), the application completely froze upon trying to start a “Quick Race” lobby, forcing me to ALT+F4 to close the game. For what it’s worth, the Switch version does also include a “local multiplayer” option for playing wirelessly with friends in the same room, and all versions support traditional split-screen.

Despite all of these shortcomings, I just can’t bring myself to hate Hotshot Racing, and it’s hard to pinpoint why. I’m definitely in love with this aesthetic -- the retro visuals, the upbeat music, the blue, blue skies (that I see), it all appeals to a certain part of my brain that likes razor-sharp, ultra-clean polygons. The introduction of named racers with backstories and character-specific “endings” is a really smart, fun idea. I just wish it was more fun to actually, like… run a race in this game. I understand the necessity behind concepts like rubberbanding, but it feels like the artificial intelligence cheats just a little too much, and as a player I don’t feel like I can do a lot to fight back. Running a good race isn’t always good enough.

Some games deliberately incite a feeling of disempowerment in their players, and that can be a totally valid design decision. But should that really be the goal of this kind of racing game? I guess I don’t have an answer for that, but I do know that I probably won’t be going back to Hotshot Racing very often.

[watchinglikeafangirl]

Lovely Writer Episode 5

Since it was too late yesterday to write down my thoughts completely and I just ended up writing a small post, I'm going to write it all down right now.

And I have stuff to say, guys. So much happened yesterday in Lovely Writer. But the first question is: Is it "Aey", "Aoey" or "Aeoy" (I'm so confused)? Because they suddenly changed their way of calling him and there's an 'o' out of the blue. Why did they change his name after four episodes?

Nevermind. It was just something I asked myself the whole episode but I guess, no one really knows the answer.

Anyway, here are my first impressions and thoughts in general about Lovely Writer Episode 5:

Gene's negative flaw

Gene is the protagonist here but he is not the kind of protagonist you automatically like and especially not every part of him. He is cute and when he's with Nubsib, we only see that part of him because Nubsib finds him cute and adorable. Nubsib even calls him cute more than once. After episode 3, I said, they are pretending but I would change my statement into something like "they are just not showing every part of themselves" because pretending is something else. Preteneding is covering your true identity and it's different from not telling everything about you. I don't think Nubsib pretends. He just hides some stuff about himself when he's with Gene and vise versa. But at the set, we can see Gene is jealous. He is posessive over someone who isn't even his. It is not necessarily a red flag because he allows Nubsib to live his own life ("Go with him if you want to"). But he doesn't like the idea and the sight of Nubsib with someone else. He even leaves the set because of it. It's pretty clear he gets jealous and this jealousy gets adressed later on when he waits for Nubsib to come home but is too pissed to talk to him. Nubsib has to ask him and only then Gene admits it. Like I said, not necessarily a red flag or big problem because at least they talk about it and Nubsib reasures him but it can become a conflict later on. At least, when they are together.

promotion of BLs

Lovely Writer shows the behind the scenes of a typical low-budget BL and I believe it captures the BL industry quite well, although I'm not an expert. I can only judge from what I see on the outside. But with some shows, I've always had the feeling that things are not running smoothly and Lovely Writer just confirms that feeling. This show is very uncomfortable sometimes.

When I first started watching BLs last year, I was very overwhelmed and surprised by all these ships ot there. I was used to the marketing strategies of Marvel or Hollywood in general and European films. The asian way of marketing and promoting a show is different. It focuses more on the actors and their chemistry, not completely on the story in the show or movie. Or at least, I have the feeling it's different. Of course, different is not bad, just unusual.

I am still surprised of how much the promotion focuses on the actors, especially when it comes to BLs. People ship the actors because their lives and the roles they play get mixed up and fans see chemistry because they've seen the show. I feel like there is a blurry line between actor and character which leads to an immense personality cult. I know, it's because of the contracts and I believe they're the real problem because if you don't portray the actors as such and create a ship, their privacy and personal space gets invaded very quickly and in an inhuman way which easily leads to drama. Things will turn ugly at some point and that's not nice for the actors at all.

Lovely Writer criticizes this. Gene goes on Twittee an there is a hashtag full of weird fanservice and it leads to personal drama because he gets jealous. I don't think it's a rare problem. Because kissing someone as your work, because you are an actor, is fine, if you've talked about it honestly but fanservice is something different because it's happening in your real life and there is no line between your work and life. I think you know what I mean. So, Nubsib has to reasure Gene of his feelings and sees it as work but I get why Gene has a problem and I think it's sad that BL actors have to sacrifice their privacy so much because the industry builds this cult around them. This scene hurt me a bit, I have to say. And it will surely remain a problem between these two.

Also, invasive fans... Some fans tend to see you as a sort of object they can look at and touch all the time. Here, these two girls take pictures of Gene and he is aware of it but just doesn't know what to do to stop them without confronting them which is the only thing he can and should do. He thinks it will be over quickly but it won't. If you've once allowed your fans to do this, they won't stop, And we know, Gene slowly gets a fanbase. But he has to make sure they get that he is a human being and not an artifact in a museum. Luckily, Nubsib steps up saves him.

Criticism of NC scenes

This episode starts with the filming of the first kiss in Bad Engineer and I want to say something about it. This scene is very intense but just so uncomfortable and disgusting. What happens on screen is uncomfortable. What happens behind the screen is digusting. And Gene's reaction is really intense. I love Nubsib saying that it's nearly rape. I was like 'thank you'. Really guys, who thinks this is romantic? A first kiss when one of them is unable to move and fights the other one physically and verbally. It's not dominant in a sexy way. It's just creepy and taking advantage. There is no consent. And Nubsib being the king of consent thankfully says something but sadly he acts it out eventually because the director tells him to.

This kissing scene is the worst kissing scene I have ever seen. The setting isn't good and their kiss is weird. I know, it's supposed to be bad but their kiss looks so unpassionate lmao.

But the director is the worst part of it. His answer to Nubsib saying it feels like rape is the question "Don't you understand soap opera vibes?"

...

Of course, it's supposed to be disgusting but that sentence hit me because I got scared how many directors like that are out there. And I also feel sorry for Gene. He wrote that novel and put effort into it. Even though the story is not very exciting or different, he put his writing skills and creativity in this project. And now they ruin that art and smash it on the ground. I myself draw and write, so I kind of relate to him and it hurts watching. Gene only wants to write but it gets turned into something unadmirable and fussy. Now it's more like a rapey fanfiction someone wrote while sitting alone in the dark and reminiced about their weirdest sex dream. Let me tell you, some fantasies should stay as such because this is passionless and disgusting.

Aey and Gene

(I'm gonna stick to writing his name as "Aey" because I'm confused which spelling is the right one.) I think Aey knows Gene likes Nubsib because he always talks to him about that matter. And maybe he likes his novel but still, Aey is very manipulative. He asks for Gene's help. He aks Nubsib out in front of Gene and says "Gene is busy anyways" when Nubsib is not sure. He then reminds Nubsib of their "date" when Gene is there again. Clearly, he wants to show off. Or he's just weird. But in this show, no one is just weird. It will get clearer when the story goes on.

Aey

Talking about Aey, I have to say, I cried last night. Even though I don't like him, I feel sympathy for him. His family is so broken which affects him a lot. I feel sorry for him because he pulled himself together and faced his family again just to storm out crying. It's a nightmare. All those accusations thrown at him, but also the ones he threw, hit deep. There is a big tension escalating and he has very much pain inside. He clearly has a trauma and I hope we'll get to know more about him because his ex was mentioned and something very bad must've happened. Yeah, Aey is a very troubled kid. He is lonely, sad and lost and reminds me of Fiat in TharnType because he too runs after a guy who only showed slight interest in him. The feeling of being unloved and unloveable leads him fantisizing about the one who seems to be perfect in his eyes. And it will all crash down for him.

But who is Mhok? Were they best friends? Were they lovers? Is that their first kiss? It doesn't feel like a first kiss to me but I could be wrong...

What Lovely Writer does right

This show's promotion is exactly like I wanted it to be. No personality cult. That's a very important point for me because they are humans too and I believe it's disgusting to shed flashligh on actors so much. They are not a big ship, I guess. At least, none that I've heard of. They do some Q&A videos or behind the scenes stuff but not openly toxic behavior and discussions about private matters. They don't pretend to be in love for the fanservice and are pretty much looking like they are just doing their job.

This show is definetlely different and I love that part very much about it. So, I will defineltely keep watching and keep my hopes up.

[babyybitchhh]

I thought the mineta thing was a joke but I'm hearing more about it? What did I miss???

Let’s just say it’s been enough of a shit show that I found out about it despite not being online all that much these past two weeks. 😂

Alright, so essentially the official Viz translation popped off with this particular line of dialogue

A bunch of people who care very deeply about that sort of thing were like omg, Mineta confessed before Ochako or Bakugo did! Wow! Can’t believe the grape bitch is LGBTQ and I am going to unapologetically shit on everything now

*queue hundreds of the exact same, unoriginally sarcastic ‘diversity win’ posts*

The main issue here are Mineta antis who base 70% of their online persona and 90% of their fandom enjoyment around hating him with every fiber of their being and ofc the increasing obsession with sexual orientation is only exacerbating the problem. For someone like me who sees every character as various degrees of bisexual by default and is pretty damn neutral about Mineta, I didn’t really give it a second thought. I literally thought he was just being dramatic. Y’know. A goof. : /

But those other people are upset that the “sexual harasser” is LGBTQ because it either

1: perpetuates harmful stereotypes about bi people being predatory or

2: invalidates queer sexualities because Mineta is a joke character

Take your pick between the two, I’m not really seeing an agreement on what the problem is exactly, just that there is definitely a problem regardless of what it is.

Now there’s been a consensus that the translator fucked up and they’re all mad at him for queer baiting them? With shitty translations? Which is slightly closer to the truth but still not quite it. For what it’s worth he basically gave us a literal translation of what was said in Japanese, which is mostly used romantically but can be platonic as well. Another way to read it seems to be something like “I was charmed by” or “I admire”, which obviously aren’t necessarily romantic so rather than being faithful to the source material he really should’ve localized the wording a little bit. But that’s the thing. People get mad when he does that and they get mad when he doesn’t. There’s no winning here.

Instead of looking inward and acknowledging that they put too much stock in a fictional characters sexuality (despite half of them being regular ol’ antis who say sexualizing fictional minors is a punishable offense so their extreme concern about what kind of genitals they get hot and bothered over doesn’t make a whole lot of sense to me 😂) they want to blame everyone else for the fact they jumped the gun and rushed to conclusions because of an inherently flawed translation. Japanese is a language that is very, very contextual and a LOT gets lost when converting it to English both because we don’t use indirect language that could mean this or that, depending on the context it’s being used in, and also because there just isn’t a word for word translation that makes sense for most of it.

As an example of what I’m talking about, here’s a phrase one learns pretty early on when you start studying Japanese

Rather than expressing a concrete idea such as “I hope we get along” (which in and of itself sounds awkward but that’s exactly how it’s most often translated) the actual usage in Japanese is more along the lines of a vocalized feeling of positivity regarding your interactions with the other person. Which is particularly relevant to this conversation because that is exactly what Mineta’s dialogue was.

An emotion based statement that has less to do with “I fell in love with you” and more “you won me over”. Even reading it in English, as I first did, that scene clearly does not have the context of being romantically charged in any way but the kinds of people who build their entire identity around titles took one look at the wording and went into a frenzy about it. They’re mad that someone they despise and have shit on for years now is “one of them”, and I guess a lot of them were saying they’re homophobes because of it. Even as a joke it feels in poor taste and tbh the whole thing really just goes to show how performative much of the younger generations relationship with sexuality actually is. 🤷‍♀️

Canonically Mineta absolutely did not come out as bi but I genuinely wish he had just because they put SO much effort into hating him that it would’ve been the perfect karmic retribution for being this vitriolic over someone who doesn’t even exist. Basically it’s the Endeavor redemption situation all over again except this time it’s a lot more personal for them. 😆 Instead of “you can’t forgive an abuser, I would never!” It’s now “no, he can’t be LGBTQ like me!!” and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t find it hilarious.

(Also please know that Japan was absolutely laughing at us for the disproportionate reaction western fans had over this single line of dialogue, one of my favorite comments from 2ch being “is English a defective language?” 😂 The line made perfect sense to them and they didn’t bat an eye at it, whereas we had Mineta trending across multiple websites and please believe they’re judging us for that)

[2ndblogg]

Hey! Just read your hot take on novel!wangxian and I absolutely agree. I'm gonna have to say here that I believe it boils down to the fetishization of homosexual men in a lot of the fandom culture that surrounds mlm shipping, as you said it's a space for a lot of women to experiment with their desires and whatnot, but I think therein lies the breaking points between reading novel!wangxian as a good, healthy relationship vs. reading it as a very flawed and toxic one. As an LGBT person, reading the way the author dealt with their relationship made me extremely uncomfortable, it just really feels like something that is written by someone who is more invested in using her queer characters for satisfying her and her reader's own pleasure than a well-built, strong relationship between two characters. Not to take away from the novel in some other aspects, I believe that novel!wwx is a much better, much more nuanced character than what he is in cql, but when it comes to wangxian, I think the intentions are very different for each of them. To each their own, I guess, but I do find it very troubling that some people in the fandom have a really hard time admitting that novel wangxian is not even remotely healthy.

Absolutely.

And can I just say how glad it makes me to see that not everyone is praising this book for it’s lgbt representation...

But I guess that’s also why I just occasionally feel the need to scream my frustrations into the void or try to make sense of the novel.

And why I try to be understanding and accepting of people’s opinion of the novel and not take it ‘personally’ (in the sense of sitting there thinking “holy shit this is how they view ME, this is what they think of ME” etc).

I was in fandoms back when they were really a place dominated by straight (homophobic) women and realism or lgbt representation wasn’t on anyone’s mind (and the occasional dude butting in to say that’s not how sex works or bottoming is experienced was ignored or told to get out). I experienced this change to fandoms being more of a lgbt space, of people becoming aware that media can shape your views of groups of people, of people becoming aware of their fetishizing of fictional gays vs. their prejudice against real life lgbt people etc.

And tbh MXTX just writes like one of those, she writes wangxian like everyone wrote their gay relationships around 2005 and earlier; clear power imbalance, clear roles and attributes that are divided into ‘manly’ and ‘feminine’, certain physical attributes (like the female self insert character aka the bottom being pretty and slight and weaker and shorter), men/the penetrating partner can’t really be raped so anything the woman/bottom tries isn’t really ‘bad’, the male love interest is forceful and self centered but ONLY because he’s so in love and since he’s emotionally stunted he has to express that through sex, men/tops NEED sex and it’s rude/mean to deny them that, the girl/bottom isn’t THAT horny or in charge of their own sexuality but wants to please their partner and what they really get out of it is the emotional aspect, decisions need to be made for them because the dude/top just knows better, the girl/bottom is childish and flirty and the guy/top suffers through it until he finally snaps and shows the girl/bottom who'sboss etc etc. (honestly homophobia and misogyny is so tightly knit in this kind of fiction, if it wasn’t so frustrating it would be very interesting).

Tbh I disagree with novel!wwx being more nuanced (despite a lot of ppl whose opinions I really respect also feeling this way), because I simply cannot seperate him from the wangxian relationship. All I see are tropes and stereotypes applied to make him ‘work’ in the context of the wangxian relationship instead of an actual personality...

To me, in CQL WWX is clearly the main character and you love his interactions with LWJ and want more of them and value them, wheras in the novel most of the time WWX plays second fiddle even when a scene should technically be about him and LWJ’s presence is incredibly suffocating, because he’s always being controlling or at the very least influencing WWX.

I also don’t feel like WWX has much of a character arc/growth. We’re essentially told he had one but the only thing that really actually changes is him hating himself a bit more and letting LWJ smash..., and I guess: he’s less independent than ever, he’s more isolated that ever...

I’ve called novel!wangxian a relationship between an abuser and his victim, because you can find evidence of that in the text. Not because I think the author wanted to portray an unhealthy gay relationship. Like you said, she was fetishizing and wrote for a similar crowd. But to me that ‘realization’ helped...I still don’t see how people can call it a masterpiece but I can at least understand hyping something you like up...

And like, badly written gay relationship or not; gay/straight,man/women, I see how people can find it hot. Exploring your sexuality through fictional characters isn’t necessarily a strictly straight girl phenomena. I probably have read fic that was exactly like this, I can’t judge anyone for it. But no one prints out the last PWP they read and goes, “this is ideal lgbt representation and nothing will ever be this good, the fact that it includes rape makes it so realistic” like????

(Is that part or an effect of the woke and purety culture? you can’t say ‘i like this book but it has flaws’ or ‘i’ve enjoyed this but it’s not up the feminism or lgbt acceptance that i preach/live’ so you have to pretend it’s flawless?)

And like, I do think novel!wangxian is a nightmare when it comes to lgbt representation and I do believe this is largely due to a cishet woman writing about gay men and fetishizing them (the fact that a lot of peoples arguments why novel!wangxian ‘is better’ boils down to ‘there’s kissing and sex’ is also pretty telling). And I am frightend and worried by some peoples response to it.

But is it really fair to see it as just that? It’s a problem sure, but that same thing happens in straight media (which I am admittedly not well versed in). Stephanie Meyer didn’t set out to write Edward Cullen to be a creep and non of the teenage girls that went crazy over him viewed it as such...Reylo fans (aside from some of them proclaiming Finn to be the real villain and saying it’s racist and misogynistic to not find Kylo Ren hot) found a way to view him threatening her as romantic and sexy, Loki fans that didn’t ship him with Thor usually fell into the camp of “he would be a perfect boyfriend” or “what if this OFC was his slave and he raped her everyday <3″... like ignoring/glorifying/romanticizing behaviours or exploring what kinks you might have through the safety of fictional characters and fictional settings isn’t JUST happening when it comes to ‘the gays’...

And not just specifically in fandom spaces either, a lot of ‘romantic’ movies include inappropriate touching, the boy/guy knowing better than the girl what she wants etc. And I absolutely do believe that that’s something that normalized these things for a lot of young girls and guys (I don’t want to get into this too much, I’ve really seen a change in the past few years, but before that it was pretty common for young boys to believe they need to keep pursuing and pressuring a girl that has said no, girls truly thought boys could die of blue balls, girls thought it was their duty as good girlfriends to let their boyfriends fuck them even when they weren’t in the mood, that they couldn’t talk about what they want in bed or what they don’t find enjoyable because ‘sex is for boys and girls get a relationship in exchange’ etc.).

And in much the same way movies have only relatively recently begun being called out for that, it’s also still pretty recently that they’re being called out for having their one queer coded character be a pedophile and a murder or whatever...Like, society as a whole becoming aware of these issues.

But do authors that publish their work with a specific target audience in mind have a responsibility to think about the effect it might have on them? (And I can already hear loud screams of ‘no way, it’s not your fault if your audience isn’t smart enough to understand that this bad thing is bad’, but I actually do believe in a way they do. That doesn’t mean you can’t or shouldn’t write whatever you want, just maybe take a look at HOW you bring your point across. (We do KNOW people are influenced by what propaganda they’re consistantly fed. I mean, you wouldn’t write a pro-drugs childrens book...) )

What if the author isn’t aware of their bias and prejudices? Or their target audience isn’t their actual audience?

And do we, society and media, judge female and male authors differently when it comes to romance and sex in fiction? (The answer is yes btw) But also, where do we draw the line at calling something ‘badly written’ and calling it toxic? Can it be both? As I’ve said before, a lot of people claim that only the physical intimacy scenes of novel!wangxian are bad, because they’re badly written and OOC, some say the book as amazingly written and only the wangxian relationship is bad because the author doesn’t know how to write gay men. In my ‘hot take’ I essentially said that’s not necessarily bad writing so much as it’s simply an (okay, unintentional) toxic relationship. And would this relationship still come across as toxic (or badly written, whichever you want) if we didn’t know the author to be a cishet woman? Or if a gay man had written it? (my personal, eloquent answer for this is: yes, but differently.)

Which was really all just a rambly way to get to my point of: it’s not just fetishizing of gay men, it’s also the homophobia and self-inserting in a safe situation.

You can literally replace WWX in the novel with a female character and it wouldn’t change a thing. The author takes such an effort into building up this power imbalance in every aspect of their life that if WWX were a heroine nothing would change in this (sexist/ancient society) setting.

(And clearly this is something that appeals to people if you look at the amount of female!WWX fics...)

Not even the sex scenes. There are maybe two allusions in all of them combined that WWX might also have a dick but like, you can’t be sure and it sure as hell doesn’t need stimulation.

(and again, that could be written as a kink...but it’s just not.)

CQL is a gay love story. MDZS at it’s core is none of that.

But I also very much agree with your ‘to each their own’, like here I am criticizing and trying to find explanations and whatever, but at the end of the day it doesn’t matter why someone might like (or write) a book like this, I vastly prefer CQL!wangxian but people have their own reasons for not doing so.

The ‘problem’ really only lies in, as you said, people not being able to accept that it’s not a healthy relationship. Or claiming it to be perfect lgbt rep.

And because my brain can’t shut up today:

I also can’t stop thinking that the way some people ‘glorify’ the book as due to their age and ‘inexperience’.

When I was a pretty young kid and got into fanfiction, there was nothing but completely OOC!whump to be found in the first two fandoms I was in. And I loved it. It was YEARS later that I thought I might like to read something with the characters being...in character. What I’m trying to say, in different stages and phases of your life you might enjoy different things, for different reasons...and obviously, in that moment, you won’t think about ‘what appeals to me here/should this appeal to me/etc’.

I don’t mean inexperience as ‘sexual inexperience’ here, though of course that could be part of it, but also like, inexperience with this genre (is this the first book like this you read, or did you just read 50 in a row that all had the same unhealthy vibes?), with lgbt people and issues (do you know any lgbt people or is your only image of them either the cute boy you can’t have and don’t want to see with another girl or grown men in full kink gear in front of children during CSD? and also: do you think ‘i like this’ and that’s the end of it or do you notice how many people idolize this objectively unhealthy relationship and won’t allow critique on it...)  

I...just wanted to say thanks really.

I just can’t stop rambling apparently and I know I mostly just repeated what you said or what I already said but in longer... I just really do feel very strongly about novel!wangxian and the perception of them and have actually at times felt very personally...worried/affected, by people’s acceptance and love of them and I just... have to try and make sense of it...

[ghostiewriter]

meet theodore montgomery | character inspection

This is an insight into Theodore Montgomery, a character commonly used within my outer banks fanfictions. He’s portrayed as Pope’s boyfriend, and to save myself from having to explain his personality in each piece of work, I decided to make this post where you could learn all you like about Theo and still enjoy the fanfics he’s in!

Theodore Montgomery is a loveable, coffee-addicted teddy bear that stole the heart of Pope Heyward. He grew up in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania with his mother. His father in and out due to his work in the military, however, when Theo was 8 years old, he lost his father in the line of duty. Theo tried to hold onto the good memories he had of his father, but the loss of a father figure in his life did has some lasting effects. It definitely made him a much more protective, cautious person in relationships. It takes him a while to get close to people, but once he does, he is a very affectionate and caring person who has no shame in expressing how he feels.

In most pieces of work, Theo will either be someone who has moved to Outer Banks or will be someone that Pope has met during college. His interest lies with Art History, which is very clear when you see his general aesthetic. He wouldn’t say he’s prestigious but he definitely has a lot of opinions. He is generally quite outspoken and extroverted, the type of person that thrives being the centre of attention.

Theo and Pope’s relationship is almost like the definition of “opposite’s attract”. Unlike Pope who struggled to accept and figure out who he was in such a small, judgemental town where uncertainty was seen as a weakness, Theo always had a sense of surety in his identity. It was an odd concept for him, that realisation at a fairly young age that these feelings he had weren’t deemed as “normal” at the time. Luckily with such an accepting mother, he had a safe environment to find himself and figure out who he was. It is something he is incredibly grateful for, and he wished his boyfriend had a similar experience. However, Pope has definitely grown and learnt to accept himself better with the help of Theo, who acted as a strong support system for him.

Theo did struggle slightly trying to fit into the Pogue dynamic. He didn’t want to oppose, but Pope was adamant that he fit in with his best friends. Theo was worried that his relationship with Pope would change when they were around his friends—an insecurity which developed after a few bad relationships—but he was pleasantly shocked to find out that Pope’s friends were very different. It took a little bit of working out but Theo soon felt like he had comfortably fit into Pope’s life just as well as he did with his.

Also a few wee random facts about Theo: he is sucker for young adult fantasy books, Jacob Black from The Twilight Saga was his gay awakening, he is a big dessert person, his favourite colour is yellow and if he had to be stuck on an island with any celebrity it would have to be Ryan Reynolds or Will Smith.

Theo is known to have quite a strong personality which can be a bit off-putting at first. It’s just that he has a lot of emotions and has always been taught to express them as he sees fit. He knows he can seem like quite a lot at first, but he would like to think it’s all a part of his charm. Once you get to know him and befriend him, you will see how caring and protective he can be. He lost his father at a young age, it gave him slightly commitment issues and so sometimes it can take a while but if you’re friends with Theo, then he sees it as a long-time contract. You guys are in this together now, no getting out of it. It sounds daunting but he can be a bit clingy. He’s one of the best friends you’ll ever have, blindly loyal and will follow you to the end of the world.

He is aware of his flaws though. He is stubborn beyond belief, and I mean it when I say that this boy has a memory like no one’s business. He may not hold a grudge for long but he will remember every way you’ve wronged him. And if you get into an argument with him? Well, good luck buddy, because he will be bringing up any sort of wrongdoing from three years ago. It took him a while to find that self-love and realise his own worth, and now that he has it? He won’t be letting go of it anytime soon.

He naturally an extroverted person, constantly being able to talk and entertain anyone no matter where he is. He believes that is one of the things that attracted Pope to him, beyond his own intellectuality (even if he isn’t as scientifically and analytically viewed as Pope). Theo loves to be the person to make people smile and laugh and think and just have a generally good time. It goes quite healthily with Pope’s much more subdued vibe.

Overall, Theo seems like the type of person who would be quiet, sombre and generally keeps to himself. Hate to tell you that you are wrong. Theo has a large, expressive soul that he most definitely isn’t keeping hidden. But he is a loyal, trustworthy friend who you can trust with your life.

In terms of overall relationships, Theo is fairly well off. Even to strangers, he is always acting as though he has known the person for longer than five minutes. He does his best to make sure no one feels awkward or uncomfortable, even if you are passing him in the street or have been his best friend for three years. Theo thrives to make sure that it’s a mutually rewarding relationship between you two.

In his more personal relationships, it’s deeper than this. His relationship with his mother is one that he views as very important. His mother is his best friend, and he has no shame in admitting that. For a very long time, they only had each other. Theo learnt very quickly that no matter what happened, his mother was one of the few constants in his life, and he never took it for granted. Cassie Montgomery is one of the sweetest people you will ever meet in your life. She is always happy and smiley, going out of her way to bake people cookies and help out at local charities when she isn’t working. She is literally an angel and Theo couldn’t be prouder to call her his mother.

His relationship with Pope is one that would surprise people. Due to the contrasting personalities and interests, people tend to assume that they clash a lot—art vs science? Never a good combination in people’s eyes. But Pope and Theo exceed those expectations. They just click. Opposites attract and all that jazz. Theo helped bring out a more expressive, open side to Pope. His sexuality was definitely a struggle to come to terms with whilst growing up in a small town where your business was everyone’s business and breaking from the norm was like social suicide. But with Theo, all these feelings and struggles felt…insignificant. He validated all emotions, made him realise that these fears and worries were not worth risking his happiness and hiding who wants to be. And Pope helped be Theo’s anchor (not in a teen wolf way, lads, Theo ain’t a werewolf). Theo is known to have his thoughts run, his mind go wild and his life just be put on high speed. But it’s Pope that puts a hand on his shoulder and helps him calm down, stay grounded and in the moment. Their relationship is one of the purest and equal ones you could ever ask for, and it’s beautiful.

Theo’s relationship with the Pogues is an interesting one. It took some time but Theo found it easy to slip into the dynamic. Sarah was definitely the easiest for Theo to really get to know and bond with. She was on the same level as him with his extravagance, and it was amazing to talk to someone about different broadways and musicals—Pope was never a huge fan, even though he pretended to be. John B was just happy to see Pope happy, and so he instantly took a liking to Theo. It took him a while to get used to the hugs—Pope didn’t lie when he said JB was an affectionate guy—but he knew that John B was someone who you could always rely on. Kiara took a little bit more effort than the other two, purely because she just didn’t want Pope to get hurt. Theo was the first boyfriend Pope had ever brought to the Pogues, Kiara just wanted to make sure that Theo was as into the relationship as Pope was. Once she saw the love between them, she gave Theo the greenlight and happily accepted him. JJ was quite difficult as well. Theo was this city boy—a little too kook-like for JJ just to accept him right away. Gradually, he saw how happy Theo made Pope, how much brighter and cheery Pope was, and realised that Theo was a genuine guy. After that, Theo was accepted into the Pogues’ dynamic with no problem.

In terms of physical health, Theo has few issues. He is quite fit—not a huge fan of exercising but he does enjoy running or basic cardio, especially when he is stressed or in the need to clear his mind. He is also quite a picky eater (that is also because he has a few allergies), so in terms of his diet, it is very consistent and healthy. However, he does suffer from asthma (which is somewhat ironic with his hobby of running) but it was far more serious when he was younger. As he got older, it became less of an issue. It only tends to get bad when it’s particularly cold or he is has been doing some serious exercise. Otherwise, Theo remains physically healthy.

His mental health is a little different. It isn’t the most obvious thing necessarily when you meet Theo or see his ostentatious personality, but he has dealt with a general anxiety disorder for majority of his life. He has an annoying wee habit of constantly overthinking and feeling the need to prove himself. It was something that affected him as a child and still does now. Over the years and having went to therapists and councillors, he has learnt better ways to deal with all these emotions and thoughts. There are still days where it’s particularly bad, but he is grateful that he has people like his mother and Pope who understand what he is going through and do whatever they can to help him through the bad days.

Theodore Montgomery was born in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania on 31st July on a bright, summer morning. He was the only child of Cassie and Richard Montgomery, but he was their pride and joy. A bright and jolly kid, he rarely cried and caused any ruckus—except during meal times, the picky eater within him was there from a young age. Life was great for the Montgomery’s for the first few years of Theo’s life, fine and dandy until his dad got shipped off again for duty. It was a hard concept for him to grasp onto as a child but one he got used too—dad being away for months and then coming home for a few more before he was shipped away again. It was a routine young Theo had grasped onto.

What he didn’t really understand was when his mother opened the door and the man on the other side wasn’t his father, they wore the same clothes but this was not his dad. Admittedly, explaining the situation to Theo was much harder than actually receiving the news. It was hard for Theo to realise that his father wasn’t coming back. It was harder when he heard all the other kids talk about their dads on father’s day and such.

It was hard but he had his mother to help him through it, and he helped her.

This was also around the time where Theo’s struggles with anxiety and panic attacks were prominent. His mother put him in therapy quite early on and it was definitely something he appreciated in the long-term, even if he didn’t at the time.

Overall, his experience of school was a rocky one. He enjoyed elementary and middle school—he was a bright boy and never had issues with the academic side of things. It was near the end of middle school and his transition into high school where problems began to arise. Hey, teenagers can be really fucking mean and these ones were no different. There was a variety of things he was picked on for, and though he tried to not let it get to him, it was the fake friends that really bothered him. These ‘friends’ that were just pretending to mock him and whatnot, set him up with a guy just to humiliate him and so on. It was really fucking mean. He was happy to escape.

Depending on the timeline of the works Theo is in, his story goes generally in two directions. For his senior year, he transfers to Kildare County High School where he eventually meets Pope and the rest of the gang. Or more commonly, he doesn’t meet Pope until college where they both attend Boston University, with Theo studying Art History and Pope doing a Biomedical Forensic Science degree before medical school. Theo’s first encounter was seeing Pope on the other side of the communal courtyard where he was giving a fellow student some serious side glare and from that moment Theo just knew this boy was the one for him.

And the rest is in the fics!

[forgotten-daydreamer]

Hey! It’s me the anon again! I totally get what you are saying but from the opposite of the spectrum where memorization feel is impossible but my adhd(I also probably have asd I am working with a therapist to try to find a place to do an evaluation at the moment) allows for me to make an insane amount of connections. So like I get it but from the opposite end? It’s still tricky but I am better at analyzing things then memorizing them. Like when I took art history I for the life of me couldn’t remember terms/names/dates of art pieces but i do remember stories about them and can analyze things really well.

My biggest issue is getting overwhelmed with what is in my head because it’s too much so it can be hard to get it out. I am constantly connecting things in an interdisciplinary way to the point I have had one of my college professors say that I am one of the most interdisciplinary thinkers she knows if not the most. I can’t turn it off and I low key wonder if my brain only understands life through metaphors lol.

Idk if that made sense since I am just waking up from a nap and I am barely coherent but I get that different things work better for different people! I am interested in how dyscalculia effects how people learn! I think 1-3 people in my hall at college have it? I have a little bit of an understanding but I want to know more. In another life I would definitely study neurodivergence and the brain. I am just glad that none of my college classes so far have required exams. Only essays and art pieces(one of my majors is studio art)

From my experience (everyone has different experiences) dyscalculia affects my ability to process simple information that require reasoning rather than memory. It's gonna be a long post, so I'll write everything else under the cut.

I'll try to explain it with an example, starting from math: take something as simple as take-aways, the ones you do in elementary school, even.

The other day, I had to calculate 2021-14. My reasoning was flawed from the start, and I only realised it after my parents made me notice.

I said "okay, let's simplify this." because I know I have to, "If it were 2020-15, that would be 5." I know as much, because as long as something's a multiple of two or of five, I can manage.

I continued, "2020-15=2005. But I need to consider the 1 I dropped to go from 2021 to 2020, and the 1 I added to go from 14 to 15." and I can tell you that I just had to check with my calculator because I was doing it wrong again. Anyway.

"Since I added 1 and took away 1, it would be like doing 1-1, so 0... 2021-14=2005."

And I still swear on whatever you believe in that it still makes no sense to me, even if I try to draw the little dots as if I were six years old. Like, right now. I don't get it. I really took away one and added one, so why would 2021-14=2007? Where did I take that extra 2 from? Try and explain it to me, and I promise that I still won't get it.

I just don't get what I'm doing it wrong, and if the calculator weren't there I'd be dead by now.

Now, expand this problem to every little thing that involves critical thinking. Everything. Most of the problems involve numbers, but not only, sadly.

Formulas. You know algebra, right? Numbers are rare there, and most problems involve data that are letters, or numbers that really don't need to be processed on their own, it's a matter of copying them down correctly.

So, you just need to use the right formula, put the data there, and it's done.

Wrong.

Visual memory allows me to remember formulas easily, but I don't know how to pick the correct data.

If I know that something's, like, the speed of a body, and I know that the speed of a body goes in a certain little spot of the formula, I'll still get it wrong because something happens in between me understanding where I need to put the data and me putting the data in there. I don't know how to explain it, but everything makes no sense at that point.

I can write down the normal formula with each incognita without a problem, but I can't go farther than that because everything is too confused. It's like looking at a language you don't know that uses an alphabet you can't read. You may or may not recognize some patterns, but if you don't know what you're reading, it's like not knowing anything at all.

The other day, my dad explained to me how a turboshaft engine works. Friendly reminder that my average grade in physics was 4/10, never got more than a 6.5/10, despite my best efforts (too many numbers, too many data I didn't know where to put).

Anyway, he explained how that thing works from a mechanical point of view. Did I understand it in its entirety? No. Could I put it into words here for you? Maybe. Could I "draw" it and explain what each part is and how it works from a mechanical pov (so, no data)? Yes, a hundred percent.

What I do is impress the general shape of something- words, images, anything- in my brain, and put it aside. When I need it, I go find it (my technique is to look left, then slightly upwards. That's how I see things in a better way) and just copy it.

Which, by the way, reminded me to say that I also mix up right and left, since I read this thing three times and only realised that I wrote the wrong direction just a second before posting it. This is why I only use the GPS on mute.

Anyway- of course, I don't have perfect visual memory (my grades surely show that), and it doesn't help in each and every situation, and it's also tiring.

But. What I'm great at it's echoic memory. I remember people's voices and what they say to me (out loud) perfectly. I remember my teachers' voices from kindergarten. The info usually fades after a while, but it lasts long enough for me to use it when I need it for a test, or something. And the tone, the characterization of each voice- I don't ever forget those. This is why I remember songs I've heard once, maybe twice, years and years ago. I just... do.

It's not like I have good memory. I forget people's faces, people's names, streets, everything. But only when I know that I won't necessarily need them, or when I could always ask for them again.

My visual and echoic memory kick in when I need info pronto.

Does that make any sense to you? Sorry for the long post aaaa!!

Edit: figured I should add more things that dyscalculia causes.

Plus, only talking about math and anything related to numbers that I know I'll have to elaborate in some way makes me physically sick. Some of my friends think it's funny, I don't, 'cause math anxiety isn't just "aaa I freeze in front of the blackboard", no, it's also (for the most part, too) something that- speaking personally- activates my fight or flight instinct. Imagine an anxiety attack, but not the GAD kind (I do have GAD so I know what I'm talking about), but more "I am in danger. The danger is caused by this. This is dangerous."

I skip numbers when I count (farewell number 7 and everything that ends with it), can't tell 4 and 7 apart without focusing hard, no perception of time, distance, weight, nor speed, I don't understand graphs nor know how to make them properly. Also, mundane events don't happen in the proper order because of me. Just earlier I turned the car off, left the car, reached my doorstep, realized I hadn't locked the car, went to check my bag for the keys, didn't find them, went back the car only to find that I'd even left the door open, and the keys in. Or, sometimes I grab a tissue, throw it away, and realize that I forgot to blow my nose. Etc.

This happens- I think- because the brain cannot comprehend what it's looking at, despite everyone around seems to understand what one's brain should understand as well. It's like when you're stuck in a dream where everyone's laughing and you don't know if they're laughing at you, or at something else. In dreams, you don't ask, you can't. You're frozen and just stick to what you're trying to do.

It works exactly like that.

[bitterfrosts]

While I agree with you that songxiao had communication problems and am open to the possibility of that just happening every time, I don't think it's necessarily true that it would've always just been left that way. Sure, xxc made like no effort to reach back out to sl, and that is totally a guilt thing (but also kind of an issue FJSJJFKS) but sl did! And that's what I think is important. Even though it took him a while, he was still willing to go and patch things up. Then he gets fuckin killed by what is "essentially" xxc AND gets corpsed and still after all that, he goes and finds what remains of xxc as soon as he's able and sets out to roam the world together with him. It isn't like "I'll apologize and we can go on our way," it's like, the complete opposite. There's clearly absolutely nothing that can stop him from them being together. I feel it would be kind of mean for me to say that tragedy made them stronger as a ship but I do feel like it's a really good indicator of how they feel for one another, and how whatever happens between them, there's always that willingness to work things out from at least one party 😅

So I think in the end they could've always worked things out, xy or not. I understand the need to say it isn't a ship without flaws, but I do believe it's one with flaws that could be overcome, because if nothing else, they clearly care for each other above all else. And with that in mind, had someone not existed to end both their lives, I think they would've had a pretty fair shot :p - wifiwuxians!! Sorry for the long ask!

could be! I just can’t see a world where they end up having that kind of discussion without a catalyst. In canon, xy and the Chang clan were that catalyst. Let’s say maybe the sunshot campaign was the catalyst. They’re not going to have the discussion of “hey I have personality issues that I think you’ll find hard to realign with the mental perception you already built of me” until they get one. Song Lan is always going to react with extreme malice and anger, because he is a very very angry person. Xiao Xingchen is always going to try to fix it out of extreme guilt because he has a guilt complex. Xiao Xingchen is always going to wordlessly leave in that situation because since it’s all “his fault” he’s not going to sit down and rationalize why a person he didn’t know was a very very angry vengeful person might say that out of the blue. (Song Lan does not mean it, at least not permanently. Maybe he’d like a couple weeks to himself to try to come to terms with whatever happens to him in this hypothetical AU, but he’s always going to regret his words and come back, because at heart song lan is a good person who is capable of apologizing and knowing when he needs to. It’s why he chases after XXC in canon. But that realization is not going to be automatic. Ever.)

Now, what happens after that purely depends on how things go. Can they find each other again and work it out? They would HAVE to at that point. And yes! They are capable of that! But what if circumstances act against them again? What if say... XXC ends up being accused of being a Wen sympathizer because he objects to the punishment of clan extermination and song lan can’t get to him in time? Process repeats, song lan can’t get to him in time to apologize, issues never resolved, ad nauseam. That’s the tragedy of it all, really. They COULD work to get over it! Do I think they would without being forced to in some way acknowledge it? Probably not.

@yiling left tags on the initial post once about how they’d have to learn how to have healthy conflict discussions if they ever want to start their sect. This is true! But at the core, they’re 17 and imagining it seriously yes, but also idealistically. I can’t picture them actually sitting down to have that kind of conversation until they’re much older and wiser, and again, this would require them to have made it that long without the catalyst that tears them apart.

So, who really can say? You make good points! You might be right! But I just can’t picture a world where they get over it without some kind of tragedy making it necessary beforehand, because they ARE idealists fundamentally, and I don’t think they’d start that conversation without SOMETHING shattering that. But as we both agree, they’d try afterward! That’s why I love them!

[og-danny-dorito]

A Few Tommy Shelby Headcanons

why did i decide to make this? good ass question cause idk myself

S F W:

- OK just to start it off, hes probably bisexual

- hear me out okay

- the dude has varied taste in women, obviously. the only distinct traits i could find between them all were short hair and formless figures. this doesn't necessarily mean that he's bisexual, but at the time there was a lot of social stigma around anything that wasn't heterosexual and so I'm fairly certain whatever attraction to men he has has been pushed down

- and pansexual is also very possible but i'd think that he'd get a little confused with gender fluidity or something like that and historically that sort of thing wasn't not all that prominent, especially in England in the 1930s where racism was still a normal thing

- what he probably does is that anytime he sees that a man is like relatively attractive his brain auto-corrects into harsh criticism and sudden scorn for the person for like no reason to cope with his gay feelings

- so you already know he's a stubborn baby man

- he doesn't admit a lot of things, like that he thinks you look nice or that he's happy to see you because his pride gets in the way a lot of the time

- the only time he really does admit anything outwardly is behind closed doors when you're both probably in bed and relaxed, not really thinking of anything. you'd probably hear him say something along the lines of “im a lucky man” or “dont leave me like the rest of them did”

- yeah, his self confidence is extremely low. of course he knows that he's a damn good businessman and a great leader, but he has doubts more often than not that cause him to loose sight of himself

- usually he drinks when this sort of thing happens because he can't help but feel ashamed to admit his feeling. it's a coping mechanism that he uses for pretty much everything, really

- he can't talk about himself very openly, so you'll either have to sit down and drink with him or urge him to speak about what's on his mind because that shit ain't healthy in more ways than one. (you personally can probably think of a million different solutions, those just seem like the most likely)

- speaking of which, he doesn't sleep much either. he can function on barely any sleep at all, but the issue is that before having to get into bed with someone he probably ends up falling asleep at his desk or on a couch or something. he's not sure how the blanket got there while he was sleeping, but he appreciates it regardless

- tommy probably enjoys someone who's confident in themselves or at least carries and air of being confident. people that he's pretty sure could stomp him into oblivion are hot, he can't help it. of course he also likes people who are the quiet type of scary as well. he can't ever figure out what's going on in their head, and it creates a sense of comfort in ignorance but unease in it as well

- i will elaborate on his secret masochism in my nsfw headcanons that i might make later (maybe idk yet)

- his favorite thing to do in his past time is read, honestly. it's a good way to detach from business and a good way to spend time with someone

- he probably likes historical fiction the most. maybe horror too, but he likes all things history. especially if they're about the Great War because honestly he wants to point out the flaws in some of the accounts he was part of

- if it's fine with you he'd rather just read and sleep all day or maybe bake something together if you've got enough time

- he gets frustrated with things that waste his time though so you'll have to probably do it on your own while he grumbles and watches

- if you were any sort of lgbtq+, he'd be that much more protective of you. same goes if you're a woman because in his mind woman=weaker. it's not necessarily true, but he feels an obligation to be protective of a woman. you're probably much stronger than him or at least seem like it, so not unless you tell him to stop treating you like a piece of glass he'll keep an arm around you at all times. a man he'd probably feel less protective of honestly just because he respects pride and dignity, but that doesn't mean he doesn't let up on the protection

- man or woman or anything like that, once you mean something to him you're going to have his boys’ eyes on you everywhere. it's a dangerous life he leads, and while he doesn't really want you to be involved in it to the point of keeping you in constant danger, it can't really be helped. expect to be kept under close inspection within his area and slightly closer inspection out of it

- is very hesitant to let you become a part of business affairs. even being at the meetings makes you a witness, therefore if one of the lower members snitches you might be in danger if your name is spilled. it's very unlikely he'll try to get you into business affairs unless you're trained and well-educated in that sort of thing

- this includes accounting, contract knowledge, and maybe even basic law knowledge amongst other things

- he may want you to come along for business events like parties or something, but if you're after grace there's close to no chance that he's introducing you as his significant other or bringing you at all. if you do come along though, he may introduce you as a whore. if you're a dude though you'll just be a friend coming along with him

- speaking of which, he has really bad PTSD. from the multiple things that's have happened to lead him to the present, it's not unlikely that he'll wake up with frequent nightmares and be triggered by things such as loud noises that are too sudden or someone screaming because they're in pain or something like that. and after the whole grace incident combined with john’s death he's probably even more of a mess

- this of course leads him to drinking quite often. it's no time unlikely for him to get intoxicated nearly every day of the week, and often times he doesn't say a word about it during and after. in fact, now that he has you around he's even more adamant to not talk about it. but he can't really help but talk once he feels safe doing so

- what if you leave him? would you have doubts because he's mentally damaged? what would happen if you did leave? these questions cause anxiety obviously

- but tommy has always paid attention to the little things. for instance, if you see him drunk and happen to sit next to him quietly while talking about something that has nothing to do with it, he'll definitely remember it the next day. the fact that it takes his mind off of whatever he's mourning about is something he really appreciates because he knows he wouldn't be able to do it himself

- he's never been one to have loose lips, but when he's intoxicated he may or may not just spill to you right there. you could be saying something like “- and then she knocked him the fuck out. It wasn't weird to watch cause she-” and he’ll just look you dead in the eye and say “I thought about France again today.”

- it's very likely you'll hear about his past lovers more than once and honestly Tommy is hesitant to talk about it. he may be insensitive sometimes but he's not an idiot, so he knows it may make you uncomfortable

- just listening to him makes all the difference to him. he hasn't felt like someone cared about what he's had to say without being a Shelby for a long time, and you just caring enough to sit and hear what he says means more than any big success in the business or good news from some merchant overseas

- he, in turn, is very good at listening. in fact, he's so good at it that all of that skill got drained from giving advice cause he's horrible at that. his way of handling things isn't great so when he tells you to shoot the guy at work who’s been bothering you in the hand as a “warning”  to the others, don't do it cause

- ok now for random headcanons that are not deep and depressing

- probably likes animals, but honestly if he had to keep one in the house he'd prefer a cat just because they're less strenuous and take less effort to handle. while he's not working he'd like one of them curled up in his lap and purring as he keep some one hand on the pen and the other on it’s head. he'd probably name the cat “Mitten” or “Button” ok let's all be honest with ourselves

- lowkey loves to wear your sweaters or something like that. he'll definitely deny any claims suggesting so, but you know damn we'll he still stealing your clothes whenever he can, feminine or masculine. honestly just having it feel like you're around him all the time by simply wearing your clothes makes him feel really comfortable, especially if you're bigger than him or wear clothes that are bigger than him. it makes him feel safe

- probably also likes it when you in turn wear his clothes. he won't say it out loud but he likes it when he notices that his shirt is missing only to see you groggily fixing yourself coffee/tee/literally anything else in it at like 8AM in the kitchen

- likes the color blue a lot, but red looks really nice on people in formal clothes. if you show up in a red dress or suit or whatever he's definitely going to be fucking you on the table later and that's just the facts

- he gets jealous very easily but never says anything about it. you can tell because he suddenly gets about 10x clingier and literally holds you close to him at all times to make a point. may also stare down anyone that looks in your general direction for good measure

- he gives his s/o flowers all the time, whether he's in person or not. he likes to pamper you to the point where you look like a monarch, but like alfie he fully understands if you're more simplistic and prefer to stay low-profile cause he does too

- guns are sexy and if you can use one or any other weapon that's hot and that's all i'm gonna say about that

- physical appearance doesn't matter to him all that much, but his favorite part of the human body is probably the hands. he likes to see hands that have been through some shit, like scars on them and maybe a little dirt or something from work

- he's always been fascinated by writers and people who can create something from nothing. in fact that sortof imagination is always something's he’s envied and wanted for himself, but he's not hopeless at it. he's very good at making up stories and detecting flaws in plot or logic in the storyline. so if you ever need someone to proof-read for something you missed he's the guy to go to. also he knows publishers all over so if you're having trouble he can hook you up with someone to get your stuff known

- kindof emotionally closed off but he can't help but want to talk when you're around. you're inviting in more ways than one, so he eventually ends up spilling no matter what's wrong

- once it's been established that you're close, the whole family may or may not watch you closely for several weeks trying to figure out whether you're good enough or not. arthur will most likely watch you from afar and give you death glares as a warning and john will defenitely flirt with you to see if you're going to cheat on his brother. finn is probably going to try to make friends with you, but aunt polly will interrogate you because that's what she does. ada will try to get the most information on you from everywhere she can and so and so forth until they finally decide that if tommy picked you you can't be all that bad

- they warm up to you quickly, to put it simply, but tommy will most likely have to shoo them off

- in conclusion, tommy shelby isn't an easy lover, but it's worth the struggle at the end of the day. it's been a while since he's felt someone cared about him, and regardless of the circumstance you bet your ass that once he's grown fond of you there's little to no getting out of it by that point. you're his lifeline, his world, and he plans to grow old with you or at least keep you next to him until he withers away and dies

[truthfullygenuine]

Manifesting in “Good Days”

Currently, I am listening to SZA’s “Good Days” and it just sounds like the perfect, ethereal song to play while writing about the future. I know the ideal future that I want to craft is not necessarily going to pan as I want. But, is there harm in trying? Or, at least, knowing what I want and don’t want in my life.

First, to provide some context, I came across a TikTok about “How to find love in 2021.” Yes, it has come down to this cause I am very tired of being disappointed these days and getting myself more depressed (Side note: It didn’t work out with O. after literally one date. But, I told myself that it could happen. I was still sad, but I’m currently over it. Thanks antidepressants. Lol.). According to the video, these were the following steps:

Delete Dating Apps. Actually, I did this before I saw the TikTok. The only good thing that ever came out of it was getting laid. HAHA. But, I digress.

Define Who You Want. Defining emotionally, spiritually, and physically who I want is the next step. Hm, I think my hook-ups really helped me with this. Lol.

Dream Partner List. Writing down the details of the dream partner. Literally every detail and intention. 

Self Care. Next step is to treat myself as I would treat my lover.

Magnetic Heart. Apparently, self care will cultivate a “magnetic heart” that will attract people that I want in my life. (Ex: Create new habits and/or go to the gym)

Be Open. “Say hello first,” take a chance, and say “yes.” Open yourself to love.

So, I completed step 1 and I’m going to try really hard not to download them again. No promises; however, I think I am really done with them this time around. Step 2 seems really hard for me since I am pretty open, but I looked up a quiz to help narrow down what I’d like:

Age doesn’t really matter. Weight is not a big issue; however, maintaining their health and wellness is crucial. Height must be taller than me (which is usually not an issue). Overall, they don’t have to be crazy built. But, I also gravitate toward someone who puts some effort into their appearance. Eye color and hair color do not matter to me.

His personal style should be simple and classic. Very minimalist. I’m not necessarily attracted to bold, flashy colors or prints. I just want him to know how to dress--whether casual or dressy. 

Hobbies and interests that align with music, graphic design, intellectual conversations, exploring different restaurants and coffeeshops, and being very family oriented is very attractive to me. Basically, this would also extend into his weekend activities in one form or another. 

Humor and kindness and talent are three big aspects that attract me. I like dark humor sometimes, but as long as it is playful and not really directed toward me. Haha. I love a kind man as well as a talented one--music. 

His profession doesn’t matter to me as long as he is able to provide for himself and for me. I need a financially stable guy with goals. But, someone who doesn’t forget about me in the midst of trying to achieve it. 

The qualities I always want and admire include thoughtfulness, kindness, intelligence (not cocky or pretentious--humble confidence), emotional availability, attentive, social, and transparency. I’ve talked to way too many guys who aren’t emotionally available or do not know how to communicate what they want or what they’re uncomfortable with. 

Being flexible--partying or staying at home--is a must. I like doing both, and I want my partner to be comfortable with doing the same. Like, I want my man to be able to have conversations with my friends and be able to fit into any context that I am in. 

His music tastes could be in anything as long as it’s not country. R&B, alternative pop, and lo-fi, bedroom pop are my main genres of interest. 

My ideal, dream partner will know how to navigate my disability even when I don’t know how to help myself. He will know how to speak with me and understand my signals of needing help. That is key with me. 

As far as steps 4-5 go, I pretty much try to do those. I’m pretty intentional and have been bold in my socializing. I’m trying to be open and saying yes (I’ve said yes to dates that I was uncomfortable with.). I think I need to do more with self care and cultivating a magnetic heart. Now that the apps are deleted, I think I can concentrate more on treating myself a bit more right and focus more on my passions. 

Everyone tells you not to be in a rush. And, that’s my main flaw. I want to be loved so badly that I think I end up badly loving myself in the process. Not sure if my grammar was spot on but the intent sure was. 

But, now that I made my “Dream Man” list, I’m going to let it plant it’s seed, let it grow somewhere in this crazy world, and hope that what I just wrote becomes a tangible reality. Being an optimist is so hard. Yet, I can see that my rhetoric is changing. Though forced, I think my outlook is not drowning in the abyss as it once was. 

Anyway, Brandon, keep trudging through. 2021 just started and you have a year to do great things. Become the famous artist I know you can be. Make you graphic design company thrive so you don’t have to return to a traditional work life. You’ve built things from the ground up and have made money off of that. There’s potential. It’s a matter of you not giving up and keeping your eye on the prize. Even though you think no one loves you, here are people that do: Mom, Dad, your sister, G, C, T, M, A, S, L, and the list goes on. Most importantly, I love you, Brandon. You probably don’t believe it or whatever you’re typing, but you’ll look back and see the changes that have occurred. Not sure what those changes are. No matter the circumstance, the love for your own self is unwavering. 

Even in the midst of your self loathing and hatred, I still love you. And the guy that gets the honor of living every single day with you is going to be so lucky. He’s going to say he’s “so lucky” and you’ll know that he’s the one. Luck is for people who see fortune in their life. If he is capable of seeing luck despite your disability, it’s not you that necessarily changed for others. Others have been transformed by you. 

Love you soon. <3

[the-desolated-quill]

Two Riders Were Approaching... - Watchmen blog

(SPOILER WARNING: The following is an in-depth critical analysis. if you haven’t read this comic yet, you may want to before reading this review)

As we hurtle head long into the third act, Two Riders Were Approaching provides a story that comes the closest to a more quote/unquote ‘traditional’ comic book narrative. With nuclear tensions rising and World War Three imminent, Daniel and Rorschach must work together to deduce the identity of the ‘mask killer’ before it’s too late.

At the core of the issue is Dan and Rorschach’s relationship. Their partnership is something that has been talked about throughout the graphic novel, but this is the first time we actually get to see Nite Owl and Rorschach in action, and it’s legitimately fascinating to observe.

When I first read the graphic novel, one question kept bugging me throughout. Why the hell would Nite Owl want to work with someone like Rorschach? A violent, bigoted, right wing conspiracy nut. It can’t just be a marriage of convenience because Dan does express genuine affection toward Rorschach numerous times throughout Watchmen. Of course I was much younger at the time, so I didn’t understand all the nuances until now. See, what Alan Moore does such a good job with regarding the Nite Owl/Rorschach dynamic is using them to illustrate the flaws and dangers of centrist politics.

Now before I go any further, I just want to clarify one thing. I’m not necessarily saying there’s anything wrong with holding a centrist view. I myself identify as a centrist, albeit slightly left leaning. However there is always a risk when it comes to taking a centrist stance of becoming so neutral to the point of being complicit, maintaining the status quo even when it serves as a detriment to others because they don’t want to take sides. I can understand wanting to come across as fair and balanced, but fair and balanced doesn’t necessarily mean both sides of a debate have equal weight. There are some topics where there is no neutral stance you can possibly take. Do women deserve the vote? Should black people have rights as white people? Should gay people be allowed to get married? There’s only one correct answer to those questions. Trying to take a centrist view here wouldn’t be fair and balanced. It would be perpetuating a harmful system of discrimination and inequality. Both sides of an argument aren’t always equally valid. And yet, especially recently, we’re seeing a growing number of (usually white) centrists trying to take a neutral position from a moral or political standpoint. We’ve all seen those cringeworthy pictures of people posing with their Trump supporting friends wearing a MAGA cap, saying how politics shouldn’t affect a strong friendship. Donald Trump is a racist twat, and while not all Trump supporters are necessarily racist twats, they are complicit in his racist twattery, as are the people who claim to be liberal and yet still hang out with those guys, wringing their hands and asking why can’t everyone just get along.

In my opinion Nite Owl serves as the pinnacle of extreme centrism. He may not be as right wing as Rorschach, but he is complicit when it comes to his extreme methods and views because they’re superheroes and what they’re doing is for the supposed greater good. The scene in the bar hammers this point home very effectively. Rorschach of course used similar violent means of interrogation back in the first issue and you’d think now that Nite Owl is with him that he’d show a bit more restraint, but no. Rorschach is still just as violent as he was before and Nite Owl doesn’t stop him or resist in anyway, instead reassuring everyone around them that they’ll try and keep their interrogation brief. In fact it’s Rorschach that ends up restraining Nite Owl when he finds out about Hollis Mason’s murder and threatens to kill one of the Knot Tops.

Ah yes. Rorschach. Now he is the most interesting part of this issue for me. Presented as being sociopathic and intolerant throughout the entire novel, here we start to see another side to him. There’s obviously the moment I just mentioned where he stops Dan from committing murder, but there are other moments too. Near the beginning of the issue, we see the two of them going to Rorschach’s residence to pick up his spare uniform and journal (which is very bloody convenient, isn’t it? The spare uniform I could believe, but a spare journal too? He just happens to have a spare journal lying around in case he lost the other one. When does he have the time to copy his notes wholesale just in case he misplaces one copy? Doesn’t the guy sleep?) and they encounter Walter’s landlady who had been spreading misinformation accusing him of trying to sexually assault her. Rorschach, understandably, takes issue with this and starts to berate her, calling her a whore. She begs him not to say that in front of her kids because ‘they don’t know.’ The implication being they all have different fathers. At which point, in a rare moment of pity, Rorschach leaves her be. There’s clearly a strong parallel between his landlady and his mother and the reason he drops the argument is because he see’s one of her young boys crying in fear, which seems to remind him of his own unhappy childhood. He’s never going to be considered a good person any time soon, but considering the vile and atrocious things he’s done in past issues, this moment feels significant.

Another significant moment is in the Owlship with Dan. With the police hunting them, the two have to lay low for a while before continuing their investigations into the ‘mask killer,’ which leads to a lot of stress and arguing. Dan finally snaps and shouts at Rorschach, chastising him for his behaviour. You think you know what’s going to happen because we’ve become so familiar with the characters’ MO, but Rorschach surprises us yet again by instead apologising and shaking Dan’s hand, calling him a good friend. 

This is why Rorschach is such a great character and why Watchmen is such a great book. This small, but touching moment adds some real humanity to his character. As horrid and extreme as he is, you can’t help but feel slightly sorry for Rorschach as you realise that throughout the story, his attempts to reach out to Dan have been in an effort to win back the trust of his best and only friend. It’s a tiny detail, but it helps elevate the character to something more three dimensional as opposed to just being a conservative strawman.

But now of course, it’s time for the big reveal. Turns out the ‘mask killer’ was Adrian Veidt, aka Ozymandias the whole time. I’m going to talk more about his character in the next issue, which focuses very heavily on him. For now I’ll just say that it’s a good twist that was expertly built up throughout the course of the graphic novel, however I do feel that Alan Moore fumbled it a bit toward the end. While Nite Owl is trying to break into Adrian’s computer, Rorschach delivers this very clunky monologue about Egyptian beliefs and practices, which ends up giving the game away too early. The reason why the reveal works is because Adrian has been used sparingly throughout the story. We know that his superhero alter ego has an Egyptian theme, but this is a background detail that doesn’t really register until now. It sounds silly to say, but at no point did I ever suspect that the mastermind behind ‘Pyramid Transnational’ (the company behind many of the suspicious goings on in Watchmen, along with Dimensional Developments) was the Egyptian themed superhero. But that’s because we’ve only been exposed to Ozymandias every now and then, just enough to keep him in the back of our minds, but not so often that it gives the game away. It’s a masterstroke, if you think about it. However, thanks to Rorschach’s clunky monologue, the reveal becomes really forced rather than having everything falling into place naturally. There’s no moment where the reader goes ‘oh duh! of course it’s Adrian!’ because the reveal is being telegraphed way too heavily. It’s a serious misstep in my view and I wish Moore trusted the reader a bit more rather than having to explain everything in a giant infodump.

However what I especially love about all this is how intentionally ridiculous it all is. We see Nite Owl and Rorschach talking and acting in a very melodramatic fashion. Someone is killing off superheroes in order to try and start World War Three and only they can save the day! Tra la laaaa! It’s once again all about the fantasy of power, until they learn that Ozymandias, one of their own, is the true villain, at which point the fantasy is broken and things get a lot more complicated from here on out. Not that it wasn’t complicated before, but this is the first time the characters themselves acknowledge it’s complicated, which again says a lot about them and their fantasies. Anyone less than a superhero is easy to deal with, but a superhero betraying them? Now that’s more serious.

Before his falling out with DC, Alan Moore had expressed interest in doing a Watchmen prequel about the Minutemen, which I would love to see. But after reading Two Riders Were Approaching, I would also love to see a prequel series about Rorschach and Nite Owl’s partnership in the sixties. It’s clear that we’ve only really scratched the surface of these characters as here we are, ten issues in, and there’s still so much to unpack and learn about them. It would have been nice to have seen them in their element and how it fell apart. We’ll probably never get to see it sadly (yes I know Before Watchmen exists. I’m talking about Alan Moore coming back to Watchmen), but at least this issue gives us a tantalising glimpse.