#not just whatever I’ve been given

[koifrog]

I’m approaching 27 which means that we are now in this unexpected period of life where we need to replace all of our “good enough for now” things that we got super cheap (or free from family) when we first started living on our own. I am realizing that it is VERY difficult to get rid of things, not just from an emotional attachment standpoint but also:

“Well it technically DOES still work even if it’s unpleasant and falling apart” (especially applicable to ugly/uncomfortable furniture)

“We don’t have to get rid of it, we can always repair it” (it is literally broken and falling apart)

“Wouldn’t it be Bad and Consumeristic to just throw something away that isn’t actually broken just because I want a new one?” (this one plagues me)

“Getting a New Thing would be way too expensive” (hasn’t even checked the price of a replacement, I absolutely can afford it but it would cost more than $50)

Even when I’ve fought through those arguments (which is very hard to do considering these are things I learned while growing up during the 2008 recession and struggling financially due to severe illness and death in the family when I was young) and come out the other side determined to actually replace something, a new issue arises. “How am I going to get rid of the old thing?”

“I can’t donate this because it’s broken or stained”

“I want to sell this but this requires a lot of energy that I don’t have (photographing the item, pricing the item, posting an ad for the item, sorting through offers for the item, arranging pickup for the item, possibly even shipping the item)”

“I want to throw this away but it’s too large to put in the garbage so it must go on the curb and I don’t know the protocol for that”

“I want to throw this away but it’s too large to put in the garbage and too broken to give away so it must go to the dump and I don’t have a vehicle I can use to take this there so I will need to reach out to family for help”

“I want to throw this away but I’m not sure how to do so in an Environmentally Friendly way”

This sort of situation is a nightmare for my mentally ill mind, and it results in me simply giving up and putting up with keeping the shitty item I know I want to replace and repeating the same excuses to myself to justify it enough that I don’t break down in frustrated tears every time I look at the thing I’ve been wanting to get rid of for months.

I’m sick of it though. I am tired of having to put up with being stuck with something I don’t like just because it’s not “bad enough” to justify going through the stress of removing from my life. I am tired of living with these things that I want to get rid of taking up the space I want to give to something new that I do love that I picked out myself on purpose. I am tired of my own happiness not being a good enough reason to justify doing something difficult or inconvenient. I am approaching 30. I don’t want to live the next decade of my life like I’ve lived the first two, just dealing with what’s been given to me and not saying no, incapable of removing things I don’t like to make space for things I do.

[sugrsuptic]

toxic - sugr?

lyrics by @sugrsuptic and @epoluh

[mossy-paws]

Phigting headcanon ask!

What do think are the phighters fav drink? :D

YES YES YWA YES YES!!!! I LOVE ASKS LIKE THESE LETS GOOOOOOO!!!! IM SO SORRU IT TOOK SO LONG FOR ME TO GET TO THIS BUT!! LET ME JUST COMPILE ALL OF THEM REALLY QUICK!

Sword, ice water with lemon. I actually headcanon he’s allergic to caffeine (because anything with caffeine will make birds very sick)

Rocket, sprite or blue Fanta

Subspace can’t drink due to his rot, he probably eats electrolyte packages lmfao

Medkit is addicted to black coffee

shuriken loves green tea/matcha

vinestaff likes sakura tea or cherry ramune

Icedagger likes söderblandning and Julmust especially

Scythe likes vinegar, straight vinegar. (And sometimes a key lime martini on the side)

Broker, once more, likes whatever is illegal.

Skateboard likes coca cola

slingshot likes milk because cat

boombox likes ginger ale (the bottle is green okay I couldn’t think of anything better)

Banhammer likes his mamas smoothies

Zuka likes those gas station slushies, blue raspberry mixed with Coke is probably his faborite

Hyperlaser likes beer or any sort of alcohol (duh)

Katana likes Baekseju

Valk like champagne

Dom likes red wine, but only the most expensive kinds

Voidstar likes the blood of her victims

Windforce likes protein shakes

Firebrand adores root beer floats, he also likes to make them with Dom and valk! His favorite is probably just with vanilla ice cream

Ghostwalker doesn’t drink but if he would it would be watered down cremated ashes

Illumina likes communion wine and holy water

ghostdeeri can’t drink liquids since it would extinguish her flame lmao

Darkheart likes chemical waste

Venomshank likes French Bloom Le Rosé

Coil likes monster energy drinks

Lord PWNATIOUS only likes the most expensive kinds of alcoholic drinks on the market

traffic likes gutter rain water /afF

okay so that’s all of them! Enjoy these I love getting to talk about stuff like this ;3

[dimsilver]

❔

[brittlebutch]

fragment of a partially written “what if Evan went through with the magic-exorcism and had his memory of Gowpenny erased?” fic -- specifically a scene in which Jammer/K/Sam track him down to some middle-of-nowhere rest stop in order to meet him again

[alveolaraspergillosis]

i’ve

been feeling sort of conflicted about my relationship / whether it should be going on but . i really wanted the space and support to sort those out on my own terms. silly me, forgot that i’m not white and i don’t get to live my life on my own terms . my parents essentially stated that if it goes on they’re cutting me off financially and like. yes ill be frank i love having money. and i know a more resourceful and harder working person than me could make it work on their own but i’m not that bitch. anyway i’m just pissed off that like, ok regardless of my own conflicted feelings having a relationship and knowing i’m not alone is currently the easiest part of my life and my parents are artificially introducing stress there knowing full and well that chronic stress has fucked my body up so bad that i’m now on a bunch of (decently expensive) medications (that are also always on back order) just to get through my day. i’m also pissed off that after years and years of trying and being humiliated by the system (tm) i decided to change my career goals a little and that’s not good enough for them because they want me to last minute apply to [redacted] around the rest of the world. like they want me to be in a place where i am constantly stressed + my expenses are so off the wall that i am financially dependent on them forever, when the plan i finally settled on could’ve freed me in the next few years with a lot less effort. anyway i hate that they’re too middle eastern to let me make my own decisions wrt my personal life but not middle eastern enough to like. arrange me a marriage so that i can fuck off and be someone else’s problem.

[seilon]

shouldn’t have checked my bank account as expected my mother has taken thousands more dollars from my savings and has almost run me dry more or less. Cool!

[binders-and-beanies]

.

[squuote]

realizing that maybe I am just some crow who does not like labels. or at least using too many

[aerticent]

my love for Maven has evolved into something and no matter how hard i try i cannot put it into words and it’s driving me crazy

[ryderdire]

Just cried over Math for the first time in like 6 years so that’s where I’m at

[stromer]

dumping a 10,000-piece jigsaw puzzle on the floor and hoping for the best 😭

[seventh-district]

in other news i cannot stop fucking listening to Brokenheartsville by Joe Nichols and i’m starting to annoy myself with it but. i cannot stop. it’s too good

[arom-com]

Hold on I gotta be insane for a couple minutes

[mrburnsnuclearpussy]

Goodnight I’m rly sad about somethings in this fandom but I don’t have the energy to say but I’m just gufufgjugjgj and can’t sleep so I need to post something abt it lol (and this is it). When I am able I will explain and get it off my chest. But basically in short I hate how fandom will treat characters with humanity depending on how attractive/young/“shippable” they are. Legit makes me sick and angry

[taketheringtolohac]

what if I just screamed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and cried!!!!!!!!