#but in terms of my overall sexuality queer is enough for me :-)

[squuote]

realizing that maybe I am just some crow who does not like labels. or at least using too many

[downbadspanishlad]

WARNING: Some of the following content may be slightly triggering due to discussion of abuse and trauma. Please don't read further if reading about that stuff could possibly hurt you! You're valid!

Masculinity in Baldur's Gate 3:

As a trans guy who didn't have friendly male rolemodels growing up, the male companion characters in Baldur's Gate 3 mean so much to me.

While Astarion is clearly my favorite, I have a huge amount of love and appreciation for all the companion characters (male and female). But it's the several types of masculinity the male companion characters have that offer something for male and/or masculine folks like me to aspire to (in some way or another).

Disclaimer: I've unfortunately not had the time to interact much with Minsc, therefore I won't be including him in this post, but he seems like a lovely and cool dude overall, so please don't take his absence as a sign of me not liking him.

Astarion:

Astarion's interest in murder/violence and being mean at times are definitely not things to aspire to, but I do understand why he does what he does. His trauma is no excuse for his actions, but they do explain a lot (He also becomes much kinder as you progress through his story, revealing that he's actually a pretty kind hearted dude that puts up a rough exterior as a method of defense).

I really like Astarion for a lot of reasons. The first reason is the fact that he is a masculine character that is ALSO an explicitly queer, slightly effeminate man with trauma.

In terms of being "explicitly queer," I mean this clip from this video:

As someone who doesn't neatly fit into the stereotype of being a "MANLY man", let alone society's expectations of what it means to be a "real man," Astarion's effeminate nature is something I deeply appreciate. 

(Note: That's not me trying to insinuate that trans guys me aren't 'real men.' It's solely about commenting on how men who are trans, hell - even cis dudes who are gender non-conforming, are often told they're 'not real men').

Astarion's very theatrical in his demeanor, and it's one of the things I love most about him. He's hilarious, he's fun, and he's able to be the way he is without being shamed and emasculated for it. I grew up and currently live in an area where being as theatrical and fun as Astarion is something that can get you shamed or even physically hurt for not being "man enough" in that way. 

I've also often felt very insecure in my masculinity for being queer and possibly being "not masculine enough" for people. Don't get me wrong - being gay is epic (and gay people are epic), but it has absolutely nothing to do with a person's gender or how they express themselves. Toxic masculinity, however, is something that suggests otherwise, and I'd be lying if I said I'd never felt insecure in my masculinity because of my sexuality (I admit that it's something I'm still working on too). But that's exactly why I love the fact that Astarion lives in a world where he can be as flamboyant, expressive, and as queer as he wants while still being seen as masculine.

I also love that bi/pan erasure is (overall) not a thing regarding the ladies of the BG3 fandom. Astarion is especially popular amongst the girls and the gays, and I think that's EPIC! I really love that Astarion lives in a world where he doesn't have to worry about people saying that his sexuality isn't a real or valid thing. It's really awesome, and I love that the women of the BG3 fandom (straight and LGBT) are completely cool about it.

And I definitely don't want to equate my trauma with anything Astarion has been through (especially as someone who isn't a survivor of sexual violence or physical abuse), but I also really love Astarion as a character because I find a lot of comfort in how Astarion's trauma is dealt with in his story.

So long as you (the player) treat him with the respect and dignity he deserves, Astarion is never shamed or made to feel "less than" for his trauma. The story of his trauma is treated with proper respect and care, and I absolutely love that. 

He makes me feel less alone and weird for how my own experience with abuse has left me with inner demons that I've yet to overcome. Like him, I experience night terrors due to my trauma. It's a very scary thing to deal with. And as a man, it makes me feel very small, ashamed, and pathetic. But seeing Astarion go through it and not having that be something he's shamed for is something I deeply appreciate. I know he's fictional, but seeing a character as cool as him going through that too makes me feel less alone and weird for it.

Wyll:

Wyll is a close second favorite character of mine. He's just an awesome, epic, badass guy! He's the kind of man I aspire to be. He does everything he can to help others, he cares deeply about doing what's right, he's a huge nerd/dork, and he's got the biggest heart amongst the companion characters (which says a lot in my opinion since he's got Karlach and Halsin as stiff competition for that category). He's very cool and lovely, and I really hate seeing how underappreciated he is as a character.

I absolutely love the meme of people saying that Wyll was the only origin character to dust himself off and head back to doing what he was doing before getting kidnapped and infected by the mindflayers. This man is too selfless and rad to take a break from teaching the tiefling children in Emerald Grove.

I do want to give credit for this meme to this cool dude called Azeem (aka Black Purist).

As well as this post here on Tumblr.

Gale:

I'll admit, I didn’t really care for Gale at first. But the more I got to know him, the more I realized that this dude is (most certainly) on the spectrum. That's not a canon thing, but I absolutely believe that he is. It's not a bad thing either (and I say that as someone who is also autistic). Honestly, realizing that many of his traits are autistic recontextualized certain things about him and helped me like him way more.

I'm not happy to admit this, but I think I didn't like Gale much at first because he reminded me a lot of myself (due to his autistic characteristics). That's some internalized ableism that I need to work on lmao. Anyways, after doing some self-reflection and giving his character a proper chance, I realized that Gale is actually really cool.

I really appreciate how straightforward Gale is as a communicator. The dude puts everything out in the open, for better or worse. He has no ulterior motives and does his best to make his intentions very clear. Love him or hate him, Gale is a dude you're not afraid of (unless you're a bad guy or something).

I also appreciate how passionate the man is about the stuff he's dedicated his life to (magic, which is most certainly his special interest). Gale is also very kind and open-minded, a good example of this being what he has to say about Astarion's vampirism.

Overall, Gale is an excellent man, and I really appreciate the sort of masculinity that his character represents.

Halsin:

So long as you save him and the Emerald Grove, Halsin is totally chill with you from the first moment you meet him. He's very kind, upfront, and non-judgemental, which is pretty cool.

I also really appreciate how much he cares about consent. Halsin is polyamorous, and if he expresses romantic interest in the player character and the player character happens to already be in a relationship, he makes sure to not pursue anything without the expressed consent of both the player character and their partner. 

I know caring about consent is a bare minimum thing to do, but unfortunately there are still a lot of people irl who don't care about it, which is why I greatly appreciate how Halsin (and also BG3 as a game) treats consent as an essential, inherent part of romantic and sexual relationships. Very cool, indeed!! 😎💖🌟💫

[macdenlover]

Question for ya about genderbent mac and gender/sexuality performance. Assuming she would have a similar repression then coming out experience, would you change her appearance/presentation? I feel like in recent seasons mac's changed so much so I'm curious how you'd represent that in your art!

okay so! @bitseventimes made some really good points in this post about this idea already so i’m kinda piggybacking.

short answer: not really? i’d keep her presentation pretty in line with canon mac so she’d be rockin the tommy bahamas shirts the same seasons as him. i think my version of fem mac would have always been sorta masc except for the few occasions she’s had to put on a dress. but she’d complain about it the whole time. I think her evolving relationship with gender expression and sexuality over the seasons would be less visual and more internal/behavioral.

long answer: unfortunately i don’t think it’s really possible to do a perfect 1 to 1 genderswap parallel that carries ALL the nuances of a character’s relationship queerness/gender expression while still keeping that character recognizable. so it’s okay to bend the rules a little. my headcanon is that fem mac was always a tomboy but saw femininity as a shitty obligation you have to deal with once in a while for show, similar to canon mac’s relationship with having sex with women. i think i saw someone hc that fem mac would wear dresses to church to be closer to god and like yeah. that’s exactly it. overall her demeanor and interests and style would stay pretty close to canon mac. i think early seasons mac would feel ashamed for not being as put together as other girls and especially denise who always has perfect hair and perfect makeup and mac can’t even put eyeliner on without almost blinding herself. and that combined with repressed lesbianism would manifest into this misogynistic pick me “i’m not like other girls” mentality. she’d still have just as much cognitive dissonance as canon mac—convincing herself that dudes like natural girls better anyway but also of course denise has gotten laid so many times she always looks like a whore. and then that changes when mac comes to terms with being gay. (some of the misogyny is still there though this is it’s always sunny in philadelphia). anyways she starts fully embracing the butch thing with more confidence in the later seasons because turns out bitches really dig it. but if denise wants to do her make up every once in a while she sure won’t complain. if you really want to explore queer repression in relation to hyperfemininity it’s wayyy more interesting through denise’s character and it fits really well with whats already established in canon dennis. mac’s performance of femininity would exist as this external factor but denise’s performance of femininity would be so much more internalized and rooted in her self worth. mac takes her heels off 15 minutes into the party because she’s impulsive and it’s irritating and denise bears through the pain because if she can’t be beautiful then what is she whats the point? denise would belittle mac for not putting enough effort into her appearance but deep down she wants the strap so fucking bad would be sort of jealous of the freedom mac has with her appearance and she’d grow more and more resentful toward her in the later seasons after mac comes out.

sorry this turned into a macdennis analysis post and i’ve flown way off the rails from ur ask 😭😭😭 but hopefully you get what i’m saying

[bugstinytalks]

Ninjago Ship Thoughts

First and foremost I’m gonna tell you my head-canons for the ninjas sexualities since it’s probably gonna affect my thoughts on the ships.

Cole - Gay - the entire “dad I’m a ninja” is so fucking queercoded so that’s my reasoning.

Kai - Bi - this man primarily flirts with women but he gives strong bisexual energy and I stand by that.

Zane - Pan - I don’t feel like Zane has a strong enough grasp on gender for it to affect who he dates.

Jay - Omni - I feel like he has a preference for women but I feel in my soul that he’s at least had a crush on a guy before.

Nya - Bi - I don’t know if she’s ever had a crush on a girl but a girl has definitely had a crush on her and she would not be opposed to dating a girl.

Pixal - Pan - I feel like she has a better grasp of gender than Zane but gender doesn’t affect who she likes.

All other characters are up in the air for me. I lean towards seeing lloyd as aroace but I’m not certain. Anyway I’m with my thoughts. (These are in no particular order)

(Jaya) Jay/Nya - let’s start with a canon ship! I like how this relationship is portrayed in later seasons and they have some cute moments earlier in the series, but I definitely like there relationship post Nadakhan the best (I’ve butchered the genies name I know it) Jaya is sweet and I’m happy that Nya was given strong characterizations outside of her relationship with men overall I’d say this is a solid 8/10.

(Pixane) - Zane/Pixal - I love this ship so much, she has half his fucking heart and there both so great. Zane and Pixar are both fully independent who love each other and there so cute. I think one appeal of this ship for me is that I can see the both as romantic or platonic partners because they both mean so much to the other. Anyway love this ship 9.6/10

(Kailor) - Kai/Skylor - I love Skylor she’s super cool but this pair really only interacts once and awhile to briefly flirt before they just go there separate ways. Obviously both of them are busy so it makes sense that they don’t get a lot of time together. Kai definitely had a crush on Skylor and I think Skylor reciprocated those feelings. There cut and interesting but don’t have as much development as they need for me to be compelled to be invested. Solid 6.5/10.

(Llorumi) - Lloyd/Harumi - these two have a fascinating dynamic that I think is really fun to watch but I cannot see them as romantic partners. I know some people see them as siblings and I really don’t see them that way. And again there really interesting as a duo and while I want the pair to heal and improve there relationship I don’t really want them to date. Overall 5/10 cool duo don’t see them as romantic.

(Lloykita) - Lloyd/Akita - It’s pretty cute, I love Akita so I do hope we see her again. There relationship feels like a summer relationship they have this brief sweet period of time together and they leave on good terms unsure if they’ll ever meet again or if the other will still have feelings if they do meet again. I also really like the idea of these to being together in a queer platonic way. It’s really cute and I love both of the characters individually so it’s a pretty solid ship in my opinion. 8/10 it’s sweet.

(Conia) - Cole/Vania - it feels like a lesbian and a gay man being best friends. I love these two I think there great friends and could even see them being platonic partners but like I don’t see them doing more than that. Solid 5/10 cool pair don’t see it as romantic.

(Lava) - Cole/Kai - There so cool and I think this ship is really fun. I think that these two are both really great characters who mesh well I can totally see them dating and think it’s a really cute ship. These two are bonding over there weird ass family lives and crippling self doubt! These two are a cute pair 9/10

(Bruise) - Jay/Cole - these two are so silly and honestly this is a cute ship. I think Cole was definetley involved in Jays realization that he wasn’t straight. I think this is a cute ship but not one I have super strong feelings on 7/10

(Mudshock) - Jay/Cole/Nya - the best solution for a love triangle is polyamory. That said I wasn’t a big fan of the love triangle but in Ninjago since Cole didn’t actually seem interested in Nya, and Nya only was interested in Cole cause a matchmaking system said so. These three are definitely great friends who joke about the love triangle and hang out but I don’t know that it’s my favorite ship. 6.7/10 Cute but not great.

(Polyninja) - Jay/Cole/Kai/Zane - I think this is probably one of the greatest things I have ever seen. All of these characters are so close and care for each other so much. Together they can help each other grow and thrive. It’s really an awesome ship solid 10/10

There are lots of other ships I will talk about but I’m supposed to be doing my summer class final so I’ve gotta go try to be responsible. Anyway have a good day/night I love seeing comments so say hi if you’d like to :D

[yannig]

I watched the Eclipse. it was great

I have fewer notes than for PitBabe, but I still have some.

The queer coffee shop was wonderful! And we did not get enough of it!! Also I want one exactly like that in my city.

Akk and Ayan made me understand for the first time the whole "you're pretty when you cry" thing. Boy is Ayan pretty when he cries. What the hell mate. Seriously. I always thought it was weird and now I understand it and it's still weird!

When they come out to Akk's parents. That was. Aaaahhhh! This was the scene that had me squeaking out loud and getting all flustered! The sheer relief in both of their postures, I swear! And the teasing afterward! Instantly welcoming him into the family! AAArgizrkjv!!! This is why I watch queer shows okay. the cute couples and all are great, but this, this is why I watch queer shows (also the coffee shop).

I was expecting them to disband the entire Prefect club to be honest. A bit disappointed they didn't. But at least Akk stepped down. Which was absolutely necessary for his mental health! I'm of the opinion every one should have changed school but hey, that would have contradicted the point of the show, so I understand.

For the first half of the show Ayan felt like a communist character in an American show. I understand it's because we're from Akk's perspective but it was still very funny. That been said, he's pretty good at it. Like yes he reads George Orwell and can quote Montesquieu, but he's also part of the local queer community (the coffee shop), and he helps people around him as soon as he can. Like one of the first things he does (aside from provoking Akk) is helping Thua, the only out gay guy in their class, communicate with this mother, and showing him a place where he can get support and understanding. Like yes he's here to shed light to what happened to his uncle, but he's not neglecting the community around him in the meantime and that's great! Ayan is my baby and i am very proud of him! Though I think he could have profited from asking for help from said community. But overall, his uncle raised him well.

I wished we had gotten a discussion between Akk and Kan about coming to term with your sexuality and admitting to it in public. Those two were going through similar journeys at the same time, there is wasted potential here.

I am not entirely satisfied with the end of the show plot-wise? Like on the emotional side it works (mostly, we're missing the reconciliation between Kan and Thua), but plot-wise I'm only half convinced. Not sure how to explain it though?

I did stopped throughout the show on multiple occasions for second-hand embarrassment reasons. It is probably at least half because they're teenagers, and it does not say anything about the quality of the show (it mostly says things about my emotional fatigue), but it was a bit annoying.

Overall a pretty good show about how evil institutions can push great people to do terrible things. And I fell in love with the main couple (might watch other shows with those two, I understand they're quite popular)!

[elatedandexasperated]

So RWRB was a movie with some discourse...

In all honesty, the discourse has bugged me more than any issues with the film itself. I get a film adaptation not living up to personal expectations set by a book is... a response that people have, but the fact some people have been trying to convince people it's not worth watching bothers me.

Don't get me wrong, I've seen all of the love for it too and I know the antis for the film are definitely in the minority. No one can control how anyone relates or who is allowed to enjoy a piece of media, but the sheer hatred I've seen from some of the people on here for the film hurts a bit to see. The arguments seem to be no deeper than "x character was removed" , "there's these plot holes" and "it's too formulaic" that last one of which I feel was kind of the point: it's a formulaic romcom so that queer people can have a fairy tale romance story like the straight ones that get shoved down our throats from a young age by companies like Disney. McQuiston, an NB writer, has gone on record stating that a huge reason why they write is to feature queer identities and make stories that people like them would have liked to read and feel represented by when they were younger.

If this was a straight Hallmark romcom (which tbf, it basically is in terms of story structure, and I low-key love it because of that) it wouldn't have made so much as a blip on most people's radars. But because it features queer characters the threshold for scrutiny seems to have been dropped to the floor (insert "Get Low" joke here). I can get having criticisms of the film, I have a few myself, but the attempt to convince people the film is bad and to disregard it as a whole because of them ignores the positive qualities, what the film means to people in the queer community, what its success can lead to in terms of representation for underrepresented people in the community (Ace, bi, NB, trans, etc.), and an understanding of intricacies that go into adaptation.

At the end of the day, this film was competently made (and in my opinion, well made) by a gay director with an inclusive team and a deep care for both the source material and an understanding of what the film would mean for millions of viewers. It featured experiences and themes that are common to many people in the community with several very poignant messages that actually have huge metatextual implications with the film (The "forced conformity of the closet" quote sticks out in particular to me: the number of op-eds speculating Nick and Taylor's sexualities and how they've been mum about them makes me think a lot of people missed that one; also looking at you, people that forced Kit Connor out of the closet 😒)

The film is a celebration of love featuring characters that people like me and others in the community can relate to. Is it formulaic? Yes. Did they remove some characters to try and create a tighter narrative focused on the main romantic pair? Yes. Is it overly cheesy and so unrealistically sweet that it will give me diabetes? Delightfully so.

So ending on a positive note, I just want to run down some things I've loved about it:

- An mlm story with an actual happy ending that features adult main leads! (Credit to youth stories, they're important, but as an adult it's hard to relate to teenage characters sometimes)

- The charisma both TZP and NG just radiate throughout the movie

- Sarah Shahi eating the absolute SHIT out of every scene she's in (Touch her and die)

- Same for Rachel Hilson

- Uma Thurman and Stephen Fry (enough said)

- The acting overall was fantastic

- The care and work put into intimate scenes and inclusion of an intimacy coordinator

- On a personal level, I loved seeing parallels between Alex and Henry's relationship and the relationship I have with my husband. For the first time in my 30 years I actually see a little of myself in an uplifting and happy piece of media and not portrayed as a dramatic tragedy, villain, or inconsequential background character.

Tl;Dr if you didn't like the movie, that's your opinion. I'm not here to try and convince you otherwise. But please stop trying to convince people it shouldn't be watched. Regardless of your opinion, this film means a lot to a lot of people, including the author of the original book! Just let us enjoy this imperfect, but tasty cheese with our w(h)ine ❤️

[aroaceconfessions]

Tw: acephobia, sexual talk

Family member kept saying “I thought you were gay” a few days ago and asked if I liked (sexual act with a particular gender) and it’s just ugh. I’ve grown a thick enough skin that I’m now able to respond in the moment (I have a really hard time speaking up for myself but with this particular person I don’t really have a choice).

Anyways, I said, “At least call me queer or ace instead of misusing gay as a coverall (up until a few years ago I learnt that queer is a more appropriate and inclusive term to use than to put everything under gay) and spoiler alert, they get all confused. “Whaaat, queer OR ace, I thought you were ace, what happened?”

Feels like I’m talking to a child, but like a child is more understanding.

I responded back, “If you aren’t going to use gay correctly as a coverall, use queer, and if you want to be kind, use ace” (aroace technically, but I’m working with scraps here.)

I don’t even know if this is technically acephobia, it makes me uncomfortable, but I’ve grown a thick enough skin that it doesn’t bother me as much as it used to and my problem’s small so I don’t know if it counts. Trying to explain myself usually leads to more “What, I don’t understand, that doesn’t make sense, that’s overtly complicated, use less technical words you’re confusing me.” and so I’ve given up entirely trying to teach family who don’t listen to me.

Overall though, it’s been a good week and so I’ll smile and let my anger go. Eventually, my problems will pass because I have people who love me. : )

[deaddee-anime-brownfanlady]

Fav Series to get to know me a little better.

Been seeing a few posts do this and thought it could be fun to try too. No pressure but feel free to join along if you want!

The Sandman- While I've read a few chapters of the comic (which I still need to read more of) par say, the Netflix show adaptation is so freaking good & seriously exceeded my expectations in terms of the visually effects also the storytelling is done so well & seeing Morpheus in live-action is also great too. So hyped for S2.

POSE- I swear this series doesn't get enough attention on it as far as I can tell. Because it's honestly I think one of the best shows I've seen so far, Set during 1980s America during the AIDs crisis with a mostly Black and POC casting that's focuses on Ballroom culture which offers a place of belonging to NY gay/queer communities. This show is a emotional roller-coaster that had me feeling so much for its great characters & it should be watched more by everyone because it's so good.

Arcane- Just seriously one of the best mature adult animated series thus far. Before I got into Arcane the only one or two thing I knew about it was hearing how awesome it was and that its based off of the long time popular online game League of Legends & that was pretty much it. But actually seeing this show upon first episode had me hooked from the start, everything dealing with this show is top-notch. From the fantastic, incredible 3d animation to the mature well-written compelling storytelling, along with well-rounded, morally complex flawed characters that feel so human in terms of the choices they make be it in the wrong or right, also the real banging soundtrack along with it. Just one of the bests series I so far seen.

Primal- Yet another example of really great adult animated series that have come out recently way ago. By the creator of Samurai Jack and Dexter Laboratory, Gennady Tartakovsky Primal is to me a good, well done showcasing of visual storytelling. Just a epic & awesome story about a caveman dub as Spear and his Dinosaur pal "Fang" that bonded over the loss of their families & now goes on a journey together through the violent prehistoric times. I consider this animated show to be akin to art, like a show with zero dialogue & all atmosphere & raw emotions. Just a piece of like animated art.

American Gods-Ah this show, Yet another one of Nail Gaiman works. I have a bit of some conflicted feelings on this show because while its so damned good and I seriously love everything about it on the premise of Gods and Deities from other cultures and mythology living within the modern world & trying to rebuild the influence they've once had on humanity & everything else how this show is put together in terms of visuals also storytelling is great...except for that damn cliffhanger and the fact that the show was cancelled...so yea. Still love it a bunch but eh...yeah.

Tuca & Bertie- Yet another fav adult cartoon show of mine that also got done so dirty yet again but also I feel don't get a lot of attention on it. Made by Lisa Hanawalt who in case you didn't know was the character designer of BoJack Horseman, and I would say Tuca & Bertie is like the less depressed and lesser cynical sister series of Bojack while still tackling some real heavy mature issues and problems. The world of Tuca & Bertie is one filled with mainly anthro bird people and dogs also talking plants people too. The show just has this more off-beat , zany , fun optimistic feel-good vibes going for it that's feels so inventing. But similar to Bojack in a way were its not afraid to get emotional serious about adult problems like sexual abuse or dealing with harassment & treating said issues with tact & maturity while still keeping the show overall light-hearted tone. Should be watched more.

The Midnight Gospel- The short way to giveaway on what this show is or deal with? Can be phase in one way. And that there's should be more animated Podcast. Made by Pendleton Ward the same man behind Adventure Time, I swear this show was quite the experience but in a good way. The animation is so trippy and yet so uniquely creative with using different styles. It follows a dude who goes inside a simulator to different worlds to try to interview people. The talks within this show can hit on many different levels with discussions of coping with loss and death or dealing with the struggles of hoping, a show you should take your time with, but so worth it.

Castlevania- I'll try to keep this one short & sweet. But another real awesome and oh so good adult animated series based off the classic game of the same title. great and amazingly done action /fight scenes as well as also just as wonderfully engaging and entertaining characters that you'll truly end up feeling so much for and the crap they have to deal with. Fantastic beautiful animation also the storyline and plot is just as good as the look of the show. Truly another banger.

AMC Interview with a Vampire- Now, this might sound like a controversial statement. But I deeply think and feel that this series version of interview with a Vampire is ten times more better then the movie. Not! That the movie is bad or anything, I very liked and enjoy the movie...but it never been one of my top fav movies to be honest. But the show on the other hand is so Top-notch on many levels, especially with the great performance of each actor. So Love Jacob Anderson playing as Louis de Pointe du lac and with him as an black man during 1900s America and how that's play into dealing with his vampirism, also his sexuality in terms of black queerness and showing the intricacies of the many challenges also jump ropes a black man having to keep the front of hypermasculinity especially black masculinity in a time era were being black your already seen as less than human is written so damned well. Also Sam Reid playing Lestat De Lioncourt is so fucking both great and entertaining to watch like for real, and Claudia in this show I feel is so much better then the one in the movie. Like I felt so much for her in this series. Like its so good.

Documentary Now- One of my most favorite comedy series that's never fails to creak me up. Like for real if you're interested in or into mockumentaries style of comedy then this show right here is right up there. Each episode focuses on a different "documentary " topic from dealing with a band rise & fall from success to the son of a famous chef overcoming his fears of chickens and taking over for his dad to a broken man that's ends up having a deep connection with a monkey. This show is just something else ^0^ .

Final Space- Final Space is probably one of if not the best adult animated series that I truly feel belongs right alongside with Bojack-Horseman to be honest. It's severely underrated in terms of adult animation which I think it's a shame because it really surprises me with how good it ended up becoming. At first glance looking at this sci-fi themed average typical comedy adult cartoon ended up being and becoming a much more well-rounded, emotional thought out very developed top-notch mature series. What I love about final space is that unlike other so-called “adult” animated shows is that it doesn’t try so hard with its adult humor or go overbroad with how much it tries to make it so “adultlike” such as having non-stop cussing or unnecessary super crude gore or out of place sex & nudity ( which I feel isn't always a bad thing when done right...but some adult cartoons tend to go overboard with it) This show has such a great balance of its comedy while also not afraid to get emotional serious about loss & grief or deal with some real heavy dramatic moments that are treated as serious as can be & isn't treated as a joke or a one off thing like how it would in certain other adult cartoons. One of the most mature animated series I've had the pleasure of watching & still pissed that it was done so wrong.

Welp that's about it! Sorry if this got too long ( ￣▽￣). This is just a couple of series I love. Tag in if ya'll want too!

@iamnmbr3 @dorkynerd23 @lokomotives

@feministfandomforever @uncleasriel

@zinexine @itwv-brainrot @vulgar-mary-p-ppins @captainbarinius @eddawrites @that1-otter @ghostbauhaus @freedom-and-beyond @dreballinarts @youlackconviction @toe-star @gey-scout

[flootweed]

Top 10 BL Shows of 2022

I posted a lil mini review of all of the 2022 BLs I watched this year but I wanted to infodump about my favorites more. I'm counting shows that started airing in 2021 but ended airing in 2022 as 2022 shows (sorry I need to talk about Not Me & Bad Buddy).

First, though, I wanted to highlight some (dis)honorable mentions, aka shows that are objectively mediocre but I love anyway. Love Mechanics has a wild soap opera plot, but YinWar really make you feel for their characters with their incredible acting and chemistry. Also, I'm in love with War sorry he's just too beautiful. Coffee Melody was watched by 7 people and those that did watch it tend to call it boring. I had no idea this show existed until my recent obsession with the actor Benz led me to watching every show he has starred in (speaking of which... Call It What You Want 😨). The main leads had zero sexual chemistry but the romantic chemistry was SO GOOD. Some of the best flirting I've seen in a BL. The side couple was also amazing. The script was great at one moment and mindboggling at another; I actually skipped most of the C plot stuff about the music company. It's not high art but it's cute and sometimes that is enough. Secret Crush On You was a mess but it was my mess okay. Cringe culture is dead and this show is fucking fun. The mere existence of Daisy as a character puts this show leagues ahead of many others in terms of queer rep. More femme queers in BL please !! The writing is... not the best but BillySeng did the best they could with what they were given. I'm glad they have been getting more work.

10: The Eclipse

I am very picky with shows set in high school but this is a high school set BL that acts as an allegory for political protest in Thailand as a whole. Obviously I fucking loved it. I'm honestly surprised its not higher on my list but I felt myself losing interest towards the end of the show. It just didn't stick with me like I thought it would. I still appreciate it what it had to say as a social commentary, though. It was interesting how it showed the different ways in which people cope with their marginalization. First and Kaotung did great in their roles I love them (though I feel bad because I will always prefer First as Yok).

9: My Only 12%

I have always loved Cooheart but Santa really impressed me in this show. The story itself was a bit slow but SantaEarth kept it from being boring because they really sold the relationship with their chemistry. Looking back on the show though it doesn't really feel like a romance but more of Eiw's coming of age story. The ending also had some issues; they decided to turn the show into an anti-smoking psa at the end so thats fun. Some story threads were dropped and some were completely unnecessary (the siblings). Overall, still very good though.

8: Ghost Host Ghost House

This show was tragic and heartwarming. Such a charming story about grief and love and the effect we have on one another. Seenam and her story fucking broke me. Like I was in pieces, tears and snot running down my face. On a lighter note, congrats to Pluem and Kawin for winning the award for best intimate scene of the year (yes better than cutie pie and lita and kp). They had absolutely fantastic chemistry. Also I wasn't mad at the time skip at the end, you could tell how much they had matured in their time apart.

This show was delightful and I loved it but it is lower on the list because there were so many filming issues. Also I got very annoyed with the script sometimes because very important scenes would happen off screen and the we would just be told about it. Most of the problems I had with it were probably due to budget issues which is really unfortunate.

7: To My Star 2

This. Show. I actually wasn't a super big fan of To My Star. I liked it but I wasn't obsessed with it like some people. It was just lacking a little something. And apparently the thing it was lacking was angst because I absolutely loved the second season. The emotions, the drama, the intimacy, the longing. UGH so good. The loneliness was so visceral I cried twice. Everything about it was just so well done and I felt like I finally understand these characters.

6: Bad Buddy

From here on every show is a 10/10.

The love story of the ages. There's really not much more I can say that basically sums it up. Ohm and Nanon are absolute legends. Also, I will always love this show for giving us milklove. This show occupied my every waking moment while it was airing, like it was an issue. I love how we can already see new shows taking influence from Bad Buddy, its what she deserves.

5: Blueming

Oh Blueming. Oh this darling show. Its so pretty and so painful. The mom scene makes me cry every time, it just hits too close to home. Siwon my darling child. Daun was at risk of being a manic pixie dream boy but the ending came in clutch and showed he actually had flaws and complex feelings we love that. The show itself had the same vibes of the queer indie films I would watch as a baby gay back in the day. The back-lit love scene was just gorgeous the way they just flowed back and forth from one another. Such a beautiful physicality.

4: 180 Degree Longitude Passes Through Us

This is not a romance. Yet it has some of the best romantic and sexual chemistry of the year. Between two people who never even allowed themselves to touch each other. LIKE WHAT !!!??!!! This show is a literal masterpiece. The way it is written and shot is breathtaking; it feels like more of a stage play than a tv show. I just had a constant stream of tears for the entirety of the last episode. I still get so mad when people misinterpret this show or get mad that they don't kiss or it doesn't have a "happy" ending. Wang's actor was absolutely phenomenal I can't wait to see what he does in the future. This could honestly be even higher on my list but its not a romance so I don't really classify it as a BL.

3: Semantic Error

Sometimes you watch an autistic person and a person with adhd fall in love and it is one of the best things you've ever seen.

This is the definition of a well crafted show. I noticed this especially on my second watch; the script is just so tight. Well written, well shot, well acted. It was such a moment, like it literally singlehandedly saved the music career of Jaechan and his bandmates. I prefer my shows with a bit more grit, which is why it doesn't get the top slot but it is just so well done that it just had to be in the top 3.

2: Not Me

In contrast, this show is not perfect but has the grit I love. You could tell there were story threads that were dropped in the middle of the show and narrative threads that weren't followed through with. Yet this show is still god tier. I'm sorry but a show about a gang of gay anti-capitalists deserves all of my praise, even if the script is shaky at times.

Yok is my one true love, the light of my life, my favorite character of all time. First was so good as this character but Gun was definitely the standout actor in this series. Gun is an absolute powerhouse and he really showed his chops in Not Me.

I doubt this is the first time gay marriage is brought up in a BL but I feel like Not Me is really a turning point in allowing BL to be more explicitly political and queer. This show literally changed the game.

1: Triage !!!

Its a medical drama, its a time travel sci-fi, its an (almost) tragic romance. What more could you want. I try not to expect much from BLs with high concepts like this but damn this show blew me away. It takes a lot for me to have a strong emotional reaction to a show and yet I violently sobbed at least three separate times while watching this. Never has a show destroyed me so much emotionally. And it pains me every day that more people have not seen this show, though its understandable bc its so hard to watch for international fans (god bless dramacool). I highly HIGHLY recommend everyone try to get their hands on this show.

[kinosternon]

I agree with this argument overall but I think it might be leaving out any discussion of reasons alongside misogyny that fic-lovers might prefer focusing on men. For me, one big one is the (overall lack of) emotional availability of men IRL in our modern society.

I'm certainly biased in that, while I do read and enjoy female characters, both in original and fanfiction (when I can get it), I tend to gravitate towards (queer) men in fanfiction. Surface-level explanations for this include:

I'm biased. (Very fair! We live in a misogynistic society. I'm definitely not immune to it.)

I'm a trans man. I want to read about guys because I am one. (Also true and fair! Though I'm equally happy reading about a woman's perspective on a guy. I do on occasion read romance novels and m/f fic for this reason.)

So far so good, and it's possible that the rest of this post is projection.

But I think some of my reasons for preferring male-focused fic might be true of fic readers and writers more broadly, and well beyond the "most women are straight so they write about men" thing. (Which I find dubious to begin with. For one thing, aren't fic-reading demographics skewing queerer and queerer as the years go on? That's just an impression I get, not backed by hard data, but while I still believe that "fic as a community doesn't have very many cis men in it" is a straightforwardly believable assertion, I'd be hesitant to say that it has a majority of "straight" anything. But anyway.)

Whatever your (broad "you," not OP specifically) gender or sexuality, I'm interested in your answers to these questions, both for yourself and for what answers you would imagine as "typical" for your fan community:

Do you have many close friends and loved ones?

How many of those people are (for the purpose of this argument, cis) men?

For how many of the folks in #1 can you say that you have established a sense of trust and/or vulnerability that allows you to discuss their inner emotional lives?

Assuming both groups are extant, how do your relationships with men (number of people and depth) compare to relationships with folks who aren't?

(My answers, by the way, are: Yes, a few, thankfully many, and…well, it doesn't even compare. Collectively, it's an ocean versus a puddle, or perhaps a thimble.)

One of the main reasons I read fic is to access a sense of emotional closeness to men that I can't get enough of in my daily life, because I have trouble forming bonds with men in the first place—and even when I do, they're usually not intimate enough to allow for much insight into their inner thoughts, feelings, or lives. A lot of societal pressure (including, sadly, some aspects of feminism as well) encouraged me to fear a similar closeness with real men, even as it's discouraged men from opening up to anyone at all.

Meanwhile, I'm fortunate enough to have a lot of women and non-binary friends. If I want to have access to the thoughts and feelings (or, let's be real, sometimes there's a desire to hear about drama too) from a woman/nb person, I have actual people I can go talk to! No, that's not a replacement for fiction, but for me as an individual it's usually a preferable alternative. Many humans are wired to value in-person (and also, in this case, real) relationships over online ones. Moreover, I may have the chance to do actual good for a real, live person, if I choose to talk to them: advice, comfort, a listening ear, my time, space, money, whatever. It's wins all around...except, unfortunately, when it comes to representation.

Also, if we start from the assumption that a similar imbalance in emotional intimacy exists for a lot of the fic-loving community, I want to point out that there are possible knock-on effects in terms of standards:

Is it any wonder that we read female characters as flat, boring, or just off somehow, when we know so many more IRL women in greater depth than we do men? Especially since those women's inner lives are generally so much more complex and nuanced (not to mention cooler) than what many writers come up with?

Is it any wonder that we look at the male characters who are given any inner life whatsoever, and want to take them and run with them? (Or in the cases where we aren't given anything, is it so surprising that we might enjoy the license to go wild imagining our own?)

Like I said above, I don't disagree that most of these discrepancies are ultimately rooted in misogyny. If I'm right about these reasons, they're closer to compounding factors. We're primed to care less about female characters; writers are too, and spend less screen time and effort on them; and then even for those of us who want to read/write more women, it's easier for many of us to see where in-depth deptictions of fictional women fall short than fictional men. There's also not enough widely-known and lauded examples for original fiction writers to emulate or fic-writers to be inspired to build on. Simultaneously, patriarchy doesn't just mean that we're primed to value depictions of men over women; it also causes the limitations in our own lives and relationships that leave us hungry for portrayals of men that have a full emotional range and demonstrate (at least narrated) vulnerability!

I think that it can often be helpful to go looking for what else might be going on alongside (or above, or below, or mixed with) straightforward misogyny. That's no reason to hold on to factually incorrect excuses, or to excuse misogyny in general, but I do think it's a reason to keep looking for potentially legitimate additional factors, because:

Compared to the "people just hate women" answer, some causes are significantly easier to problem-solve about.

Thinking that it all stems from hatred alone can be more discouraging than helpful, and sometimes downright polarizing.

Do many people tend to avoid/ignore female characters because cultural misogyny leads to weird double-standards about women's characterization? Almost certainly, yeah. But might it also be because the literary tradition of writing women is widely underdeveloped? Because people can more easily develop emotional intimacy with IRL women than IRL men, and are seeking to fulfill their desires for the latter? Because many people have greater familiarity with women's inner lives, which would naturally lead to higher standards?

I wouldn't be surprised if it was a slightly different mix of these and other reasons for everyone, and I think that offering a menu of reasons could be helpful in some discussions, especially those with folks who might otherwise feel defensive about this topic.

every year the ao3 stats come out and every year people insist that the lack of women isn’t misogyny but because ‘most fic writers are female and therefore enjoy writing about men more’ and every year they don’t seem to understand that they themselves have just described a version of misogyny

[millhavenn]

r/StrangerThings experiences—1.

"Funnily" enough the most queerphobic interactions I can remember were not even related to the ship.

One time there was an "El should not be in a relationship" thread (you can probably already imagine what the comment section of this post looked like)

I mentioned that I as a queer woman would have found a lesbian El arc interesting. A girl isolated from society and human love slowly learns to navigate society. However, this society is very heteronormative and she falls into the trap of comphet but later she slowly realises she is lesbian. Throughout the show she gains autonomy and security in various part of her identity, including her sexuality. However, I acknowledged that in the context of the show this storyline unfortunately is very likely never going to happen but I hope there will be a show with a story like that in the future.

A Mlvn shipper immediately accused me of saying that I consider El as a character unable to gain autonomy if she is straight. They also said queer people like to pretend it is fashionable to make everything queer and consider themselves superior compared to straight people. They received tons of upvotes, another user who called out their queerphobia got downvoted. The mlvn said they could not be queerphobic because they are bi. (They had posts in their comment history that said straight is the default sexuality and cis is an insult). Sad proof that queerphobic queers are not a myth.

In one thread I said it is quite disheartening for a queer audience that the queer storylines (Rockie, Will's sexuality) receive so little screen time in show. This person popped up and said the queer storylines are not important because queerness was not talked about in the 80s. I said something along the lines "Well, this is not the show that airs in the 80s but the 2020s. And shows are trying to address a contemporary audience not an audience from a time long passed". The other person was like "If you expect so much realism from ST, I wonder how much queerness you expect to be included in Schindler's List?"

(They must have gone through my comment history and found out that I am German and probably tried to accuse of me some atrocious things. But honestly, this comment only made them look bad. And queer men were one of the main political enemies and victims of the N/zi regime so to eradicate that as well would be highly tone-deaf)

Overall, the comparison between ST and Schindler's List falls very flat though. Schindler's List is about real events and in the context of this story queerness almost plays no role. ST is a fictional show and one of its main themes is growing up: One of the main parts of growing up includes coming to terms with your identity. And this obviously includes sexuality as well.

[juchily]

Caps for emphasis, I'm not actually screaming or feel like screaming

also very disappointed no nb Riley, like, if the right were going to make a big deal about how the gay agenda was going to be in this sequel, atleast go with the damn hype, people are going to hate watch it for it anyways

YOU MIGHT AS WELL MAKE THE END CREDITS WITH THE BURNED CARPET NOT BE THE BURNED FUCKING CARPET, OR, I DONT KNOW, SOMETHING ACTUALLY DEEP OR WEIRD OR SECRET

"So, hey big bud, what is Riley's deepest secret?" Joy asks to Deepest secret of secrets

"We tried to pirate a song and saw alot more than we bargained for"

BUT NO, APPARENTLY THE ABSOLUTE DEEPDISH QUEER CODING OF THIS MOVIE WAS BLUE BALLED! I don't hinge on a fictional teenager's gender or sexual identity (even as a queer teenager) for my enjoyment of most media (I'm very easy to appease as long as you can distract my brain or get me compelled to dissect it), but seriously, what the hell man, that's JUST A LAME FUCKING DEEP DARK SECRET!!!

NOT A SINGLE HINT OF QUEER IN THIS MOVIE THAT WASNT SUBTEXT WITH VAL

THE WALL OF CRUSHES: ALL MEN

THE POINTED CRUSH ON THAT FINAL FANTASY NOCKOFF FROM DISGUST

YEARS OF PEOPLE BOTH PROGRESSIVE AND ON THE RIGHT DEBATING DIVERSITY AND INCLUSION THAT WE COULD ANTICIPATE IN A SEQUEL TO THE FIRST FILM BECAUSE RILEY HAS MALE AND FEMALE PRESENTING EMOTIONS, AND EVERYONE ELSE HAS JUST FEMALE OR MALE (PLUS THEIR HAIR) DEPENDING ON THEIR GENDER

Only for it not to be given, and for it to be dumped in our faces in a post credits scene

I don't like to use the term queerbating, but what else can pretty much describe this? They had the right wanting to watch to see if there was "perversion" in a kids' movie. They had the progressives and supporters watching to see if Disney and pixar were finally brave enough to put it right in front of us, to speak it into canon, as nondebatable fact.

But no, never, instead, they rigged in both sides and gave nothing to either, no satisfaction of being right for the right (pun, and they probably will still say something about this movie) or representation for the supporters.

I loved this movie, I loved the way they depicted anxiety as a person with social anxiety and maybe even schoolphobia. But, as a queer teen who grew up on the first film. Yeah, a bit disappointing, did it hinge my enjoyment? Not that much, but it's still important.

Let's not forget how impossibly fantastic this movie did at the box office, over $439 million USD as I'm writing this, it's been out for only six days, 6.

And they totally should have had some sort of content warning (or whatever the hell) for that panic attack scene, I was on the edge of my seat tearing (tearing as in tear apart) on the inside waiting, just waiting, and although I think it was a perfect (of course everyone's experiences with panic attacks are different) general demonstration of what it feels like and looks like to have one, i know for a fact many have been triggered by it. And you can't exactly avoid a scene like that in the theaters unless you scadaddle to the bathroom, and even then, how do you know when the scene is over? There's overall a lot to talk about in regards to this movie

Remember to check IMDB's parent guide for any content concerns if you have triggers.

Don't mind me, just watched inside out two, totally not crying, totally not forgiving myself further for the past present and future, currently evaluation my social anxiety disorder and personifying it even further than I do with years of self awareness and months of therapy, don't mind me at all

[homo-sex-shoe-whale]

Online shipping, the fetishisation of gay men, and the romanticisation of queer trauma

An essay by me!

Word count: 2.8k

A link to the Google Doc version of this essay.

A big thank you to my friends Nathan @themeerkatnate, Mav @not-mavv , and Duke @dukedark-ness for reading this essay and giving me their thoughts as mlms on the topic. Make sure to check out their blogs and give them a follow!

So I was on a lovely website by the name of Twitter.com yesterday, just scrolling through while having my afternoon cup of coffee, when I saw that viral post of a girl reading a Larry fanfic through a classroom projector. I'm sure most of you have seen it. It's gone viral on Instagram, TikTok, and likely Tumblr too, and if you haven't come across it I'm positive you will soon.

Now, after getting through my initial reaction to that post which was, holy fuck, that's so embarrassing, I had a second reaction of... wait, this ship is still around?

And after I had some thoughts on the incredible permanence of some online ships and the weird obsolescence of others, I did get to thinking of how lots of these popular ships seem to stem from the same types of perceived relationship dynamics and homophobic stereotypes.

These online fandoms often seem to have an obsession with objects of queer trauma, such as having to hide a relationship, lying about sexuality for self-preservation, and even social rejection. So, after some opinions from my followers and the great archive that is the internet, I've decided to discuss some of the most popular examples of online shipping and the particular nuances they came with.

NOTE: Out of respect for all these people, I won't be sharing viral images or videos of them in perceived romantic proximity (or even kissing, as is applicable for some examples), but I will be describing certain moments I deem to be relevant. So even if you're unfamiliar with them, you won't be confused as to what I'm talking about.

NOTE 2: Although not all people within these fandoms were/are toxic, this essay is focused on the overall toxicity of the fandoms, and how they are toxic more so as a "hive" than as a group of individuals. When I refer to a fandom I don't mean every person involved in the fandom, but rather the collective impact of the group.

 1. Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson 

This is arguably the most popular example of online shipping. The absolute permanence of this ship, and how its fandom never seems to fully die off even beyond the lifespan of One Direction as it once stood, is downright impressive.  

I'm going to be the first to admit I was never in the loop with this fandom. My childhood best friend was actually a massive Larry shipper and asked me to beta read one of her fics, but that was before I even knew who tf Harry and Louis were! Not because I avoided the fandom or even because I rejected the online shipping, but just by coincidence, I delved into the world of pop punk music right when One Direction began gaining its popularity. I bought my first ever album, Riot by Paramore, in 2011- only a year after One Direction made their X-Factor debut. So, this fandom just bypassed me by a sort of weird coincidence.

But I don't need to be in the loop with this fandom to know the astronomical obsession with these two men, no, these two BOYS, was extremely toxic. In 2010, when One Direction made their debut, Harry Styles was only 16 years old. And Louis Tomlinson wasn't much older at 19! This made the two of them incredibly young when this unprecedented wave of shipping hit the internet, and although that must be traumatising for anyone, I cannot even fathom how overwhelming it must've been for two boys that young.  

I'm 18, almost 19 now, and I cannot begin to imagine how scary it was for the two of them to have their every interaction nitpicked within an inch of its life by thousands upon thousands of people online. I do not know this myself, but from numerous recounts by some of my followers, this massively impacted Harry's and Louis' nondescript relationship in real life, seemingly driving the two previously close friends apart. 

Now, before we move on, there's something we need to talk about. And that is the obsession with the dominance/submission dynamic within the world of gay shipping. 

With almost every popular mlm (an acronym meaning man-loving-man) ship based on real people, it seems that fandoms have a particular fascination with power imbalances in these relationships. You don't even need to look at the insane amount of fanfictions based on BDSM to figure this out. In almost all of the examples I'll be citing today, there is an age gap within the perceived relationship and a person the fandom has seemingly decided to be the top/dominant figure. 

Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson are 3 years apart in age. Although it isn't all that relevant now, an age gap of 3 years when you're in your late teens is a lot more significant. In 2012, for example, when this shipping really started gaining traction, Harry Styles was 18 and Louis Tomlinson was 21. That power imbalance, albeit not that significant, is enough for a fandom to latch on to. We'll see this a lot more in the coming example with Dan and Phil.

 2. Dan Howell and Phil Lester

It's impossible to have a discussion about internet shipping without talking about Dan and Phil.

 Dan Howell and Phil Lester, although being popular YouTubers individually, are arguably one of the internet's most iconic duos. The two creators published their first videos together in 2009, and while their relationship was already a motive of speculation back then, the peak of the "Phan" shipping definitely came in the 2013-2016 era of Tumblr.

Now, I'm going to admit… I was actually on Tumblr when that happened. 

The 2013-2016 period perfectly aligns with my middle school days (I started middle school in 2013 and high school in 2016), and I was not only on Tumblr back then, but I was on Wattpad too! Again, this wasn't a fandom I had much contact with as I had a huge anime phase in middle school and I was on Tumblr posting mainly photography and Soul Eater content more than anything. 

But I did watch some of Dan and Phil's videos! And the occasional "Phan" content did not completely evade me as one of my closest friends in middle school had a fanchat for them. I wasn't involved in the fandom myself but they were actually one of the few English-speaking YouTubers I watched once in a blue moon (back then I watched mainly Brazilian YouTubers). One thing I did in fact notice over the years, around 2014ish perhaps, was that the two of them seemed to grow increasingly "awkward" around each other, in a way that many folks on the internet thought was reminiscent to Markiplier/Jacksepticeye, two YouTubers who also dealt with extraordinary amounts of shipping.

I'm not the only one who thinks this. The change in Dan and Phil's relationship, at least to the outside world, was clear to almost anyone who watched their videos for a while. I cannot blame them at all. The shipping was nuts. Between the countless fan videos, speculative comments, and insurmountable number of fanfics, there's no way the two of them didn't feel the weight of the shipping. The term "demon phannie" made its way into internet vernacular and there it stayed for years. Even Shane Dawson, who was one of the largest creators on the platform at the time, made several videos speculating on the nature of Dan and Phil's relationship and their sexual orientations. 

There was even porn made in which actors with similar appearances to the creators were made to have sex on camera. 

Now, this is actually a rare example where the two people involved in the ship actually came out as gay once the shipping seemed to die down. I'm incredibly happy Dan and Phil both reached a point where they were comfortable being publicly out, but I hate to say I'm shocked this day ever came. If I'd gone through what the two of them did, I don't know if I'd ever trust the internet. 

And again, this ship's fandom definitely had an obsession with the power dynamics they thought existed between the people within the ship. Dan Howell is 4 years younger than Phil Lester, and was only 18 in 2009, when they started making videos together. From my personal understanding, the shipping was often quite focused on this dominant/submissive dynamic especially in discussions from their early relationship. And this is in no way exclusive to Dan and Phil.

This general fascination with the older man/younger man dynamic, in my opinion, plays into the homophobic stereotype that gay men are predators. The idea that gay men usually seek younger men, and somehow "convince" them to engage in homosexual relationships, is popular homophobic rhetoric. The popularisation, exaggeration, and fetishisation of these power imbalances, in age and/or in relationship dynamics, is directly harmful to the mlm community. 

Not only that, but the romanticisation of a "hidden/forbidden relationship" is also detrimental not only to gay men and the mlm community, but to queer people as a whole. Queer people face huge trauma having to hide their relationships; queer attraction is already a societal taboo. And acting like this is good, or even desirable, is harmful to queer people as a whole, regardless of whether or not it's actually applicable to the people being shipped. It normalises this trauma not only to cisgender, heterosexual people, but to impressionable queer youth who grow to believe this type of trauma is to be expected. 

3. Frank Iero and Gerard Way

This is another example where the perceived power imbalances between the two subjects of the shipping were directly exploited online. Now, this ship did precede the others mentioned above. If we're looking at this topic chronologically, this particular ship did come first in the shipping timeline. It's closer to the origin of the shipping extended universe, if you will.

In case you aren't familiar with them, Frank Iero and Gerard Way are both members of the American emo band My Chemical Romance. This ship is the first one here of which I don't recall the full popularity. It really peaked in popularity around the late 2000s, circa 2008. And I don't remember this moment online as in 2008, I was only 6 years old and believe it or not, I wasn't really all that concerned with rumoured homoeroticism as a first grader. 

However, the popularity of this ship did carry over into the 2013-2015 Tumblr shipping boom. The emo fandom (or "bandom" as it was called) involving not only My Chemical Romance but other similar bands such as Fall Out Boy, Panic! At The Disco, and Pierce the Veil, found its hub on Tumblr. 

During this time, I did in fact listen to this style of music, but was focused a lot more on the anime side of Tumblr as mentioned earlier. Of course, I wasn't 13 years old like, "hey, this type of content might be harmful and can inadvertently perpetuate homophobic stereotypes," I just happened to care more about my silly little anime and ended up not getting involved. 

This ship does involve a discussion that the others don't, however. With Frank Iero and Gerard Way, there is quite often a certain sentiment of, "Oh, they brought this upon themselves!" as the two band members very famously kissed during a show in 2007. In my opinion, though, this doesn't really justify all the obsessive shipping. If you look at Green Day, a band often grouped in with MCR as another famous pop punk group, the members don't follow too different of a trajectory. Billie Joe Armstrong has, on numerous occasions, kissed both of his fellow band members onstage- particularly Tré Cool, the drummer. And Billie Joe Armstrong is openly bisexual, which none of the members of MCR seem to be but some, or even all of Billie's bandmates, are too. 

You'd think Green Day would face a lot more shipping as the more persistent onstage homoeroticism and Billie Joe's openness about his sexuality would warrant more "substantiated" speculation. However, Green Day faces nowhere near as much shipping as My Chemical Romance. Why is this? I actually don't know. It might've been because Green Day has been around for over a decade longer and generally has an older fandom, but I really am not that sure. 

 It could also be because of the lower lack of potential for forced relationship dynamics. The members of Green Day are all less than a year apart in age and are even similar in height. However, Frank Iero is 4 years younger than Gerard Way, who is not only the frontman of My Chemical Romance, but also considered to be the group's intellectual and creative "leader". Even beyond that, Gerard Way is quite visibly taller, and the perceived power difference between the two of them definitely did not elude their fans. 

This difference could even be partly due to the lack of a "mystery" with Green Day. There's not as much to speculate as, well… the members of Green Day are already open about their sexual orientations. It might be that shipping in the Green Day fandom has less of a forbidden appeal for most people. 

Of course, I won't just keep repeating myself, but my previous points about forced relationship dynamics still stand.

4. Martin Freeman and Benedict Cumberbatch

Better known for their roles in BBC Sherlock as Sherlock and Watson, Martin Freeman and Benedict Cumberbatch unfortunately had their roles follow them well into real life. This is the example I know least about, so have these thoughts from a follower by the name of @indubitably-a-goblin, who had the following to say:

"the main issues i had with it were:

a) they were both married at the time, freeman to amanda abbington and cumberbatch to sophie hunter (in which both had children)

b) the main reasoning for it was their chemistry in the many projects they've done together. which is, shockingly, their Whole Job. They're actors! That's what they're supposed to do! if they weren't good at interacting then they wouldn't be good actors! i don't know how people can't understand this.

c) they're real people. we don't know them. we aren't friends with them. we aren't their family members. we have zero right to be pushing this onto them and ruining their friendship by doing so. (this one relates to most of the ships you've mentioned though)

d) healthy friendships between two men are ignored so plainly in most medias and in fandom. its obvious that these two men have a relationship, but that doesn't mean it's a romantic one.

e) its fine to ship their characters, but actors shouldn't be treated as less-than-human or some sort of prop. they're doing a job, and once they are off-screen, they aren't here for your entertainment."

I believe she did a great job of summing it up on her own, and for the sake of avoiding redundancy, I'll leave it at that!

5. Corpse Husband and Sykkuno- an emerging yet subtle example

I am absolutely positive you remember how popular the game Among Us was a couple of months ago. And with the popularity of this game, some of its most prominent content creators became the targets of online shipping- as is the case with YouTubers and streamers Corpse Husband and Sykkuno. 

Although the shipping involving these two creators is nowhere near as strong as it was/is with the examples above, I do think there is once again a reemergence of a common theme here. Whilst Sykkuno is known for his happy-go-lucky, almost "innocent" persona, Corpse Husband is the antithesis of this, known for his much darker and moodier personality. 

Do I even have to mention what the common theme seems to be?

Again, although the popularity of shipping - at least with real people - seems to have died down a bit since the Tumblr shipping boom of the early to mid 2010s, I do believe this example is worth mentioning. Even though the creators are still close, they have in fact expressed discomfort regarding the shipping, and I can only hope the internet as a whole lets their friendship blossom and exist naturally without obsessive speculation. 

My final thoughts

As explored in the essay:

The romanticisation of objects of queer trauma as a part of online shipping normalises queer trauma to both cishet and queer youth. 

Online shipping, especially at a high intensity, can end up negatively impacting the very relationships they pine over. 

The relationship dynamics often forced on mlm ships perpetuate homophobic stereotypes about non-heterosexual men. 

If anyone else has thoughts on this matter, do share! This essay is moreso an opinionated observational piece and isn't meant to be taken as fact but rather just as my thoughts on the matter. I hope it was useful as a reflective piece regardless!

Date of posting: June 16th 2021

[acethena-discourse]

In what way does me having gay sex oppress ace/aros? The reason the term allo isn’t appropriate and doesn’t even make sense is cause y’all can’t even agree on the definition of what the word even means, and second, LGBT people are told that the kind of sex we have is repulsive and enough of a reason to kill us, literally where and how does NOT having sex or relationships cause y’all ANY legal/physical/actual oppression?

hi, allo does have a consistent definition. It means not ace. Cis heterosexual heteromantic people, not ace, trans bi man, not ace, trans lesbian? Not ace. Like literally is a word created to just say "you are not ace" the same way cis means not trans, or neurotypical means not neurodiverse. Or Allistic means Not autisitc, since you know, the person who created allo used the same rules to create the term that the autistic community used, a community they belonged too iiirc.

My issue is the demanding of people that aces not use langauge we created to discuss people who are and aren't ace with ease, again, look at it as trans or cis.

But seeing as you uh, can't see, I"m literally a transman, something exclus regularly ignore. I'm in a relationship with an allo bigender bisexual man. Something exclus love to paint as abusive on the regular.

The fact you hear "allo" and go "how dare the aceys say i'm not oppressed" when thats not what we're sayign, again, cis vs trans. A cis gay might not experience transphobia, but the that doesn't object to homophobia happening. Its literally "not ace." The same way cis is literally not trans. Saying you're allo just means you don't share my experience as an ace person.

Which lets go over what happened to me before I was anything other than ace.

I had people offer to "fix" me, often the implication being Rape. I had literal rocks thrown at my head, I've had boys and men put their fucking hands on me. I've had fucking ace exclus like yourself tell me this is because I was a woman, and also that the one boy who did actually grope me because I was ace, and even said "i wouldn't have to do this if you weren't ace, weren't a fucking tease," equating my aceness to being just unwilling to have premarital sex despite my vitriol for religion and overall sex positivity. Btw, rebelblaze in particular, has said to me and others that our sexual assaults happened because we were "mistaken" for gay even when once again, ouright my assailant and others said it was because we were ace.

As a matter of fact when I was 6 hours from my pc telling all of this to rebel on a fairly public forum she kept demanding study, despite me telling her I was oujt of town for the weekend, on my cellphone, and have a disability that makes using my phone to find sources, links etc, harder. Even accused me of faking disability to "Get out of having to give sources" despite assurances as soon as I got home from my doctors 6 hours away, I'd get her all the sources I have saved on my pc. She genuinely couldn't be assed and continued to say if *my personal experience had happened* i'd have *real sources* because my personal accounts of assault, and harassment aren't proof enough. (Which tells me that yall must think a trans woman who didn't file a police report is lying right? Because yall enforce ":proof" the same across the board, her saying it happened isn't enough for yall yeah? (sarcasm btw ofc yall would believe her lest yall further be proven to be transphobes)

But heres a wonderful masterpost of ace exclus acting in badfaith and outright telling aces to kill themselves being racist to black aces for being ace saying aces and their partners are all rapist etc.

a pair of parents cruelly kicked out their asexual child despite her atttempts to say "its not the same as being gay," the oppressor class, cis hets, didn't care so she turned them over to the police for illegal firearms.

heres yasmin benoit an asexual woc on twitter who regularly faces discrimination from cishets and other queer people. As a black woman are you willing to tell her she doesn't know what oppression is?

her twitter was under violent, viscious, and visceral attack on ace day, whY? because she partnered with stonewall UK to discuss and research discrimination from cishets and queer alike face by aces and aros. Yall didn't defend her from the racism in particular, many exclus on twitter said if she didn't want to be called the n word she shouldn't put herself out here go ahead and take a gander from her twitter in april and the way terfs and ace exclus teamed up to harass her. Not for her skin color, tho they didn't hesitate to use her blackness as a tool to further demean and dehumanize a beautiful, wellspoken, asexual woc. the times article here was one of many responses, the times is a rather large platform btw to post anti ace bigotry.

You read that right btw, yall demand research but when we invest money from *our* community, into it, from aces, or people who care about us, you do accuse us of stealing. Yasmin funded the ace project *soley* with money from her work for aces or private contacts, no donations were used that were intended for causes like the trevor project. Or tax money thats given to stonewall uk. Stonewall is only going to PUBLISH the research after it has been gathered.

but seeing as you elected to hide behind anon (likely because you're block evading) you likely won't care about any of this. But I sincerly hope you do. I hope you see the aces who are people of color, see their abuse BECAUSE THEY ARE ACE and how they deserve to be assaulted and are disgusted. I hope you see that a child being kicked out for being ace and are horrorified. I hope you take all of this to heart. But chances are you won't.

You'll come right back with one of two responses

"None of this really happens"

or

"it happened but not the way you're telling me." despite links being right there for you to click through. So go ahead, go click through ALL OIF THEM. Go thorugh my blog find ALL THE WAYS i've been told I''m a liar for my pain, or that I didn't remember the attacks right. Or that I'm infintalized not for my transness or attraction to men, but because I"m ace. Go on.

Go find Rittz telling me I'm not actually oppressed, and when I call them on their ableism for saying a housing ordinance will affect aces disabled, trans etc, saying its okay it'll affect disabled people because it'll hit abled ones too. Meaning its fine for a disabled person to be homeless AS LONG AS IT KILLS AN ABLED BODIED PERSON TOO RIGHT.

All because I am Ace. When I demand yall recognize your transphobia is showing everytime yall ignore that 70% of aces are "real el gee bee tees". Your biphobia shows everytime yall accuse us of not being gay enough, a popular tactic used against bi people.

Yall literally will demand we research, provide links, and then spit in our faces.

So i genuinely hope you look at this, you read it, and you fucking *vomit* when you see how aces are treated because we are ace by cishets and terfs and biphobes and ace exclus. I hope you fucking get it.

[uncannyfellow]

Hey anon I’m a trans western expat (aka white foreigner) in China. Pre-HRT trans male and living here for 4 years in a tier 2 city (smaller than Shanghai/Beijing but still pretty big) Was meant to go to Thailand to transition in 2020 but then COVID happened and I’m still here lmaoooo. Anyway I’ll share with you my overall experiences with being trans in China. It’s all pretty much in-line with the stuff written above!

Most younger Chinese people will have an awareness of what trans is, but unless you’re on HRT and pass well they will likely call you by your gender assigned at birth. For me the only exceptions to this are my gf and one of my BFFs, every other Chinese person will call me a girl. A lot of Chinese ppl may also just assume you’re a T (tomboy aka masculine/butch lesbian). My gf also thought I was a T at first until I explained it to her lol

Other foreign ppl will be generally quite understanding but may misgender you if you don’t pass well enough, even the more open-minded ones. All of my foreign friends know I’m trans and will tell others I’m trans/a boy, but most of them will also often misgender me. They don’t mean any harm by it, they’re just not used to being around a trans person. I usually don’t bother correcting them but I’m sure if I did they’d get better at using the right pronouns. There’s transphobic ppl too of course, but within the foreign community you’re never going to be in danger (one wrong move and foreigners can get deported so no one is gonna risk their visa to hurt a trans person) the worst transphobia I’ve experienced from another foreigner is helicopter jokes lol

Most work contracts will have equality clauses but they’ll usually only mention stuff like sex, age, nationality, and sexuality. I’ve never signed a contract that mentions gender identity included in these protections. So at work I don’t bring it up unless asked by someone, including the kids. If a kid asks me if I’m a boy or a girl I just ask them “idk what do you think?” And I just let them decide what to call me. Sometimes it’s boy, sometimes it’s girl, usually it’s boygirl 🤷‍♀️

Overall my advice would be while the young people you meet in cities are pretty understanding towards queer/LGBTQIA+/trans stuff, if you’re pre-HRT then don’t come to China unless you’re okay with being misgendered a LOT 😅

These days being misgendered doesn’t bother me but that was something I had to learn to be okay with. Generally every white/western immigrant coming to China will need to learn to be adaptable and be a bit thick-skinned to be able to live out here long-term, because there’s a lot of cultural differences that you’ll struggle to accept otherwise. “Misgendering” will sadly just be one of the many things on your list you’ll need to learn to adapt around.

(Also adapting is not a concept unique to moving to China btw- culture shock will happen pretty much any place you move to. So if you change your mind about China but decide to go to Japan/Thailand/etc. be prepared to still learn how to adapt regardless of how accepting to trans ppl the country is)

Also idk this for sure but if you’re taking HRT and your documents have your correct gender then I imagine misgendering won’t be a big issue as ppl won’t even be aware you were assigned a different gender at birth! So you’ll probably be okay living in a city with access to a gender clinic. But this idk for sure, it would just be my assumption

Anyway sorry for rambling a bit, hopefully my experiences are helpful for you anon! For what it’s worth, I really do enjoy my life in China, in fact I enjoy my life here a lot more than my life at home in the UK! but it wasn’t enjoyable when I first arrived and I had to grow a thick skin pretty fast 🥲

How would you describe the attitude towards trans people in China? ((I ask this as a trans person who would like to work there as an expat))

I don’t live in China so I couldn’t tell you with any certainty what to expect in real life anyway. But, you asked, so I want to at least take a stab at it, even if I just end up rambling about other things.

I expect you know it’s already hard enough to be trans in the west, even in the supposed liberal utopia of major cities. Now think about moving to another country and having to start out with no real support network. Now on top of that, while recognition and acceptance of queer identities, particularly gays and lesbians, in China has taken strides forward in recent years, it’s still not on the same level with the same sort of sensitive treatment as what you could say many have come to expect in the West (depending on where you live). The official government stance on LGBT issues is a tepid “uhhhhhhmmmm 🙈🙉🙊” (“Laws protect all individuals from discrimination on the basis of gender, sexual orientation, etc, but until something happens don’t look at us for nothing 🤐. Please clap.”), so most LGBT education/awareness largely comes through local grassroots efforts (slow and frequently hampered) and online/global media exposure (tho this also requires a level of voluntary engagement).

So, I’m not trying to spook you, but I wanted to make that clear first, that merely moving to another country as a trans person is no enviable task. If you do immigrate to China or live there for a period of time, you will of course at least have some level of privilege as an English speaking (white?) foreigner, so that might help, especially if you plan on hanging out with other expats anyway. Living in a major city would also help, which is really just to say, city folk anywhere are always going to be more open-minded and so I guess this finally brings us close to more of an answer to your question:

Based on my limited observations, I feel like the attitude toward the every day trans person trends negative compared to the west, perhaps largely due to lack of understanding (why would “choose” to be trans, how could you do such a thing, etc). It is not illegal or anything, and HRT/gender reassignment surgery is available in China, medically speaking, but again, I sense that the knowledge/understanding disparity when it comes to transgender identity is pretty high and therefore acceptance is inversely proportional to that. Discussion of the topic that I have seen has never really been that nuanced. Young people are more likely to accept and support LGBT+ individuals in general, but that’s “in general (like, I supsect that it might be more for LGB support versus trans support, as typically LGB issues receive greater attention than trans issues).

On the more neutral/positive end, there will be people who say “as long as they’re not hurting anyone”/ “a person has to live for themself/respect each person’s right to make their own choices in life” and that sort of thing, but I’ve never seen anything pro trans or pro gender revelations per se (this is true by and large in the West as well I think, so no big diff there), and anecdotally, I’ve seen a lot of those comments toward trans people of like “oh but you used to be so pretty/handsome, why would blah blah blah”, and more emphasis seems to be placed on passing, like I guess the more successfully you transition to the opposite gender (ftm or mtf) the more respect you deserve (as if transition should be the goal) (like if you botch it, visually speaking, you might as well have not even bothered) (but I guess this is also true in mainstream thought in the west), and even if you pass you might still get hit with the “can you believe they’re actually a _?”/ "wow I have to be more careful" treatment.

I guess it’s worth noting Jin Xing, a popular trans celebrity/TV presenter in China, is also highly respected, even amongst older generations (which is cool). To many, she “already counts as a real woman” (to quote a comment I saw once) because she’s seen as dedicated to being herself (a woman), and is a wonderful mother to 3 adopted children. People respect her because she worked hard and she has an attractive personality, but at the same time, she’s also high profile enough that the disrespect can get drowned out by the admirers, so she's not a typical case of the trans experience in China obviously.

TLDR

Soooo. I don't live in China so my perspective is limited (I can't emphasise that enough) and only my own opinion based on discourse/exchanges, commentary, depictions, etc, I've witnessed on the Chinese web (douyin, bilibili, zhihu, and douban forums for the most part).

I don’t know how rude anyone would be to your face. Being a foreigner/expat (I said “(white?)” earlier because I feel like “expat” usually refers to white people) might afford you some extra privilege or at least a wider berth from dealing with assholes. As of right now, my impression of the general attitude toward trans people is: improving but still behind and still with the focus on successful transition. Lots of awareness is still needed but efforts to increase it are slow and hampered.

---

Aaaaah this turned out way longer than I'd hoped 😬 and I always feel like I'm typing up paragraph upon paragraph of unintelligible nonsense but I hope this give you some food for thought, since you asked for my take. I expect you're already quite sober to the realities of We Live In a Society™ as a trans person, so apologies if I sound too pompous or lecture-y at any point.

[elfwreck]

Same anon as before. Thank you for your thoughtful response. The doubts I'm having in regard to hetero vs gay relationships feel like real concerns to me. I am a cis gay person. I have a hard time connecting with my partner whenever get into a relationship and I'm struggling to figure out why. It makes me go back and forth between doubting my sexuality and doubting the legitimacy of homosexuality as a whole.

However, it's also becoming suspect that I have an attachment disorder, so maybe it's just that. The reason why I'm not feeling the right thing might not have anything to do with sexual orientation at all. I just keep suspecting that it is, and it's rare to find people who are willing to suggest otherwise.

You may have attachment disorder issues. You may be somewhere on the aromantic spectrum. You may just not have found anyone who really deeply clicked with you. Or you may have any number of other problems that interfere with connecting with a partner - including the potential of "you are connecting just fine, and don't realize that's just how relationships work."

(I have no idea if any of those is more possible, and there are plenty of other options.)

Keep this in mind: Gay marriage has been legal for less than 10 years. Gay sex has been legal in the US for less than 20. All of the stories you grew up with were based on straight people. (Even if you're below or in your early 20s - sure, gay sex was legalized in 2003, but that doesn't mean we immediately got a rush of movies and tv shows featuring gay characters in love.)

There are, even now, damn few shows featuring same-sex relationships. Few books, and even fewer of them allowed in schools, even the tame g-rated ones. (There is fucking DRAMA about the story of two male penguins who adopted a chick.) We have like a dozen comic-book characters who are canonically not straight--out of hundreds--and every single one of them gets weird major pushback from conservatives.

Straight people grow up seeing thousands of types of relationships, from friendship to dating to marriage, both in person and in media. They see a hundred variations of "these two people like each other, start getting close, and either it works out or it doesn't." They see couples like them fall in love, fall out of love, get married, get divorced, stay friends or become bitter enemies.

They have tons of examples of "this is how M-F relationships work" (or don't work), and they can say to themselves, "I want one like THIS one, not like THAT one."

Gay people don't get that. There's a handful of examples in the media. Unless you're living in one of the few heavily-queer areas, you don't see examples in person. Even in heavily-queer areas (I'm in the SF bay area), there's closeted people, and weird reactions at jobs, and an overall assumption of heterosexuality in many places.

(Oh, and just about the time where we were starting to reach public awareness and had enough of a community to make media, to show what long-term stable relationships were like, to show what dating looked like when there was no pregnancy risk? ...We got a fucking plague that absolutely decimated the gay population, and a whole bunch of conservatives declaring it was divine retribution for debauchery.)

Here, have some depressing history:

The SF Gay Men's Chorus was founded in 1978. This photo was taken in 1993. 15 years. (I have heard that, by 5 years later, the handful of people in white shirts here were also gone.)

We lost all the people who would've been mentors, advisors, community leaders, "that nice old couple down the block." We lost both the long-term relationship types who had a "wild youth" like so many het people but then settled down with their one true love. And we lost so many of the "fuck settling down; gonna party forever!" types. And we lost the ones in between those, who had relationships that lasted a few years but nothing stuck forever - and we'll never know how much was because they just didn't connect that well, and how much was because marriage, with all its social and legal protections, wasn't available to them. We lost the ones who were writing fiction from a queer perspective. We lost actors, musicians, artists, teachers, and historians. We lost the ones who would've gone on to manage film companies. And a lot of the survivors went underground - back in the closet, or close to it.

Congratulations on joining a post-apocalypse community; it is no surprise you have relationship issues.

We are all walking wounded, even the ones who don't know the history. Younger queer people may not be able to articulate what's missing, but we all feel the losses.

I'm not saying your relationship issues aren't, or can't be, related to being gay. I'm saying that being gay comes with a whole truckload of cultural baggage. That may not have any connection to how you personally do or don't want to relate to the people around you... but you're still stuck dealing with that baggage.

Sorry. I hope you find ways of dealing with it that make you happy.