#listening to the playlist while I paint today because I like to hurt

[mintmentos]

Literally in pieces thinking about how much Sean and Daniel love each other

[kiss-me-muchoo]

𝐓𝐫𝐨𝐩𝐢𝐜 𝐢𝐧 𝐍𝐮𝐞𝐯𝐚 𝐘𝐨𝐫𝐤 || 𝐌𝐢𝐠𝐮𝐞𝐥 𝐎’𝐇𝐚𝐫𝐚 𝐱 𝐅𝐞𝐦!𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲_ from that time when Miguel and you had an extremely big sexual tension and during the chaos of a tropical storm hitting the HQ, both of you ended up tangled under the humid rain. 𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬_ SMUT 18+, sex…minors, go away pls, size kink, unprotected sex (just don’t…), dom!Miguel, sub!reader, shy reader, creampie, porn with plot, porn starts in medias res sorry, age gap. NO PROOFREAD, and poor attempt at writing smut bye. 𝐀/𝐍_ if I had Miguel calling me mami and chiquita while destroying my coochie… I would die… happily, listen to fetish with this PLEASE!!!

♪ ♫ my miguel playlist ✰ Index (+ fics here)

When clouds started to look bigger at earth-928, everyone should’ve known something weird would happen.

However, you don’t have time to worry about that at midday. You are laughing so hard at the sight of baby Mayday Parker; she had vomited all over Peter because he bounced her right after Mayday drank her milk.

“I can’t-oh my god. I can’t stop laughing!” You babble, tears in your eyes, and your stomach hurts.

“Stop laughing and get me a towel,” the man pleaded.

“Oh boy, Spider-Man from the humble reality is having a humble moment” Your laughs increase when Hobie walks in, to Peter’s dismay. The bench on the rooftop of the HQ slowly filled with colorful petals. Petals that emanated from you and your happiness.

“Could someone give me a towel?” You wipe the tears from your eyes with a napkin before handing it to Peter while Hobie carries Mayday.

“It’s not a towel, but it’ll work,” the older man grunts but accepts your help.

“Is it me or the weather is weird today?” Peter asks again.

“Yeah, it’s cloudy but hot. It’s so weird,” you added; Hobie nodded, analyzing the sky. In addition, Mayday keeps drinking her milk bottle, looking fussy as usual.

Nueva York was always foggy but sunny and warm but not hot. So this was something new, but not enough to make you wonder further. Then you start walking inside the giant building of the HQ with your friends.

Mayday now in your arms, Hobie walking by your side, and Peter was stuck on the showers trying to clean himself.

“Miguel was looking for us…” your smile disappears as Hobie speaks. Nervousness immediately ran across your body, and a blush painted your cheeks.

“Oh… Really?”

“Yeah, he’s mad as usual. And Lyla making it worse… as usual,” you laugh awkwardly.

When you had Miguel in front of you, if you were with friends, you had the ovaries to talk back and be reckless. But you couldn’t even look him in the eye when it was just you.

And when he wasn’t around, you were a mess of anxiety. Because you had a crush on your boss, who was older, grumpier, and more traumatized than you.

“That’s not new….”

“Yup, here…” he opened the door of his office. And all you could hear was Mayday’s babbling the whole way inside. She had a dirty dress, and her curly hair was a mess.

“You need a shower, little woman,” the baby giggled and started playing with your hair. At least she was entertained.

Miguel was on the screens as usual. Seeing anomalies and random canon events makes you wonder if he ever spent time at his own place.

He turned his broad back to see you. And there you were, looking like a nymph (technically, you were half one, anyways…). He saw you carrying Mayday, and his heart started to beat softly. A warm feeling assaulted him. Something that often happened whenever you were near him.

“I’ve told you to stop that…” his firm and deep voice was all you heard.

You look back to see more petals scattered over the entrance. Oh…

“I’m sorry, I can’t control it,” you admit. He rolls his eyes.

In the past, Miguel had said that your weird ability to leave petals behind was dangerous for Lego Spider-Man and spider plushie due to their height.

“Sure. And where were you an hour ago?. I sent Lyla for you…” he can see how you shield yourself by looking at Mayday. Oh, there it goes, pink painting your cheeks.

“Well… While I know we have big responsibilities here, bombón, I was busy back at home” You don’t know what possessed you to call him like that. But it doesn’t feel as bad as you thought it was gonna be. He’s surprised, you rarely make that type of comment, and he always ignored them. But as time progressed, he couldn’t deny his real feelings.

“Really? Doing what, bonita?” For you, it was shocking. Was he flirting back?

“Uh-… I had to build my schedule for the next college semester,” Miguel nods mockingly. He sauntered towards you, tilting his head, and for some seconds, you think you’ll drop the little girl in your arms. The man hears you gulp, bringing a little smile to him again.

“Don’t get all shy, chiquita…” you don’t feel when Hobie grabs Mayday from your arms. You are going to fall on your knees.

The man with punk vibes knows it's not a moment for Mayday to be present.

“We’re out…” Hobie announces. He leaves with the kid, and silence reigns.

Miguel grabs your chin to make you look up at him. The urge to feel his hands somewhere across your body invades you. Maybe his hands on your hips would look good. Or his hands holding your legs apart.

stop it, y/n, you think.

“I can hear your heartbeats… “ he had an idea of the effect he caused on you. And he was eager to discover if his feelings were reciprocated.

“You do?…” your voice is a melody to him. Sweet, cute, and shy. He won’t admit he wants to ruin you.

“You sound nervous. But I can also smell you… and it’s telling me how wet you are” A barrier had been crossed. Nothing would be the same. The tension that slowly built since you joined the spider society a year before the events with the kid Miles Morales, had exploded.

“Miguel…” You don’t want to ruin your barely existing friendship with him. So you place your hand on his broad chest to stop him from leaning closer.

But his gaze is focused on your eyes, and it confuses you. Because if you didn’t know Miguel and what happened to his daughter in that alternate earth, you would believe he was looking at you with a mix of lust… and love.

“We both feel the same…” his voice was confident. Like he was sure of his actions and words. Like he was confirming he felt something for you.

Miguel can hear your slow heartbeats,

You close your eyes, and by the time his lips brush yours, a loud and scary thunder startles you, pulling you away from having a kiss with your boss.

“What was that?” You ask just after a little scream of scare you let out.

“A thunder, I guess…” Miguel confirms. He had an arm around you because you had looked for comfort in his arms after the thunder.

“But Nueva York never has storms in summer.”

“If we learned something last year… was that anything can change,” the man replies.

And it’s true. After Miles ran to Earth -42, Miguel owed him an apology after discovering that canon events could change.

He even apologized to you for not believing and hearing you.

“True… but still, it’s weird” Slowly, he pulled away, noticing and analyzing what just happened. The sound of rain distracted him and you, but both were having a hazy moment for what almost happened.

And before he could talk about it again, Lyla appeared.

“Oh, good to know you two are here… We’re locked,” you frowned. Miguel walks away from you. But the heat in the room, between you two… barely decreases.

“What?” Lyla ignores your question to move her heart-shaped glasses and cross her arms.

“The storm is messing with us. The portals won’t work, and everyone is stuck inside here.” Miguel sighs and starts walking in little circles. You exchange looks with the AI before she shrugs.

“Isn’t there anything to do?” He asks tiredly. Another wave of thunders hit, and now you’re curious to look outside. It was rare to have tropical storms, even rarer in Nueva York.

“Well…”

Peter entered the room, now changed, with no more baby vomit over his suit. Gwen and Miles were beside him, with Pavitr holding the tiny Spider-man popsicle. The man near you is rolling his eyes and already stressing.

“Great. Now what are you doing here?” Miguels asks, visibly frustrated. Because Peter, Gwen, and Miles were not some of his favorite spiders. He tolerated Pavitr and secretly admired popsicle Spider-man. But that's it.

“It’s raining…” Miles said.

“No way, for real?” Lyla mocks him

“What do we do?”

“Power is unstable, too,” Peter announces. Miguel is about to burst into anger when he hears Peter, thinking his words make him more annoying.

“He’s right, boss. Our security system needs a boost to stabilize it.”

“Which is?…” you ask, stepping beside the tall man. He sends a little look down to you.

“A button…” Lyla answers.

“A button?…”

“Yes. It’s a yellow button that we have to secure the power and security system of the HQ. Someone has to go outside and manually press it from the electricity box,” everyone sighs.

“But it’s raining…” Miles protests again, and Gwen nods. Of course, nobody wanted to go out and get drenched.

“We are heroes, kid. C’mon, I’ll do it…” immediately, Pavitr stops Peter.

“NO! Mayday needs his dad. What if you get a cold in the rain? What if you die?”

“It’s like 90 degrees outside, Pav. If the power goes out, we melt to death and die anyway…” For some seconds, you want to laugh; but when you catch Miguel made looking at you, your cheeks turn red, turning away again. He chuckles in disguise, thinking how cute and hot you look.

After seeing your reaction to the almost kiss, he's eager to do more than just kiss you. Blaming his intense desire for you caused by the stress of the storm and the damn button.

“Where’s the electricity box, then?” Peter asks again. Lyla opens a virtual map and selects the rooftop area.

“It’s in zone A of the rooftop. You have to be careful; the floor in that section is from crystal. Even your spider senses can betray you and make you fall badly with the humidity outside.” Peter looks scared because he doesn't remember the rain and its potential risk.

Miguel sighs, frustrated again, and steps further, urging you to walk by pressing a hand on your lower back.

“Save it; I’m going with y/n” Everyone knew you were one of Miguel’s favorite spiders. Half of the spider society suspected he was in love with you. So it wasn’t a surprise that he chose you for the task.

“Hold her tightly…” Gwen suggests Miguel as you two leave the room.

Oh, I’ll do more than that to her, Miguel thinks.

…

Well, the rain wasn’t that bad. It was like a warm breeze; the awkward part was the humidity, which felt like the whole HQ and the rest of Nueva York evaporated.

“There’s the box. Look, Miguel!” You yell when you look at the grey box with buttons and wires. The man nods. And he thanked for wearing his mask because you looked amazingly pretty with your hair wet. Even more, flowers seemed to grow around you because of the rain.

And your suit, he wanted to avoid looking at you with desire. But he had been pushing his emotions for so long that it seemed like that summer would be impossible.

“Let’s be careful” Your soft muscles looked tighter with the drenched suit. But god, when you reached the box in the wall and opened it, he let go. The fabric looked so thin that your nipples were visibly perking, and the outline of your pussy lips was almost there, tempting him.

His cock hardened utterly. And as you tried to reach the damn yellow button, he was getting hypnotized by your small figure, imagining you in the most erotic scenarios.

“I can’t…” you admit in the middle of the pouring rain. Jumping wasn't the best option, but the floor is so slippery that you'll likely fall if you stand on your tip toes for an extended period.

Everything changes when you jump one last time and slip, set to land on your back against the crystal floor. The moment was so fast that you only closed your eyes, hoping for the worst.

But when you open your eyes, Miguel is on top of you. His arms had saved you, and you were okay.

"Are you okay?" His brown eyes are one of the most beautiful things you’ve ever seen. And you find yourself getting lost in them. Before you can thank him, he has already smashed his lips on you. Kissing you like a starved man.

His hands attach to your hips, and your arms hug his neck tightly, kissing him with the same passion.

When he hears your first moan, he knows he reached heaven.

__

The lights of the cafeteria blink nonstop. Gwen, Miles, Pavitr, Hobie, and Mayday are sandwiched on a couch. While Jess, Ben, and Peter talk near them.

“Poor y/n and Miguel, they must be getting wet,” Pavitr laments. Everyone nods in agreement, hearing the rain pouring outside.

“Maybe y/n will fall, but Miguel will save her, and they’ll finally be together,” Gwen fantasized. Even Jess, Peter, and Ben turned to look at her in disbelief.

“What? Everyone wants them together. See,” the blonde takes out her phone and shows everyone a screenshot of a poll made by Ultimate Spider-Man. 91% said they wanted you to date Miguel.

“Oh-, wow…” Jess mumbled, confused.

“What? And I didn’t vote? Let me check!” Peter immediately went to vote on his own device. Jess and Ben rolled their eyes.

“Let’s just hope they get here early. They had been out for forty minutes already” Gween nodded at Miles.

“Maybe that button is giving them trouble,” Ben says.

Everyone wonders how you two are dealing with the hot storm outside.

…

“Miguel, you’re so fucking big. You’re stretching me so good.”

How you ended up having sex in the rooftop of the HQ with Miguel?

One second both are kissing, then you remove your suit, and he follows you.

You had seen his cock; proportional to his massive body. A pink tip slowly getting swollen and leaking pre cum, a vein across the length that made your mouth water and pussy clench. His abs and massive arms caged you in an intense yet soft way.

There’s a solid dominant aura that Miguel is holding as he buries himself inside you. Your velvety walls welcome him tightly. He hits a spongy wall that makes you arch your back, and your tits invite him to taste them. So he does; Miguel sucks your nipples like a starved animal. You feel his fangs over the sensitive bud, and his talons are holding your hips with just enough pressure to make you feel pleasure.

“Dios…I can’t believe this,” he’s shocked. You had disintegrated your suit minutes ago, offering your body to him. He asked if you were okay because just with the stretch of his tip sliding through your folds, you couldn’t stop sobbing. He knew he was big, and with you being so small, he wanted to be careful, even when, in his most dark desires, he wanted to ruin you.

The image is erotic; how you shyly took him. Still, you look hotter than ever, arched back with the rain leaving your hair and body all wet, your face shining with tears mixing up.

“Oh-Miguel…” he thinks your face is a treasure, showing him how much of a good job he was doing by pleasuring you.

“Mig-Miguel,” your eyes are closed. But he wants to see you and your pretty face while you moan and cry.

“Look at me, chiquita. Look at me when I’m buried inside you” Your walls clench at his voice using the hottest nicknames in Spanish. But you can do that too. However, you obey. Your eyes are now glued to him; the visual contact is a challenge for you, but his cock and balls hitting your ass are enough to distract you.

“you’re gonna let me be yours?” He asks, his hands holding your hips so tightly. That you’ll likely get bruises. That doesn’t stop the whole scenario from being so lustful.

“Yes, ah-. Yes, Miguel… And I’m gonna be yours too, papi” he’s a goner; the passion is hypnotic. Both of you can feel the way his cock pulses inside you. You clench around him on purpose, causing the man to close his eyes briefly, savor the pleasure, and believe what is happening. He had you on your back, your actions making him think you might want him in the same ways as he does.

“You’re gonna be mine?. Solo mía….” You can feel every vein of his thick length helping to rip you open, and it’s the best feeling ever. Your hand rests on your lower stomach, and your brows furrow in pleasure as you feel the outline of Miguel’s cock. The man looks at it and wishes to photograph the sight.

“Can you feel how hard you make me, bonita? Very easy, mami” The rain turns the moment stickier, and it’s naughty. His pace is fast but soft, with the humidity reigning over Nueva York, the sweat and rain shower over your burning body and his.

You believe he couldn’t look better with the hairs on his forehead. It makes you want to say the most vulgar things. Feeling his cock causing a sting with every thrust, it only makes you feel dirtier.

“Soy tuya, Miguel… I’ve always been” maybe you’re cockdrunk cause you don’t even remember that the whole HQ is locked inside. At least they had a lot of things to do.

“Fuck…” he mumbled. His eyes were glued to your cunt, seeing how you sucked him in. And every time he bottomed in and out when his cock was balls deep inside you, something extremely hot happened; the mix of the sound of your cunt squelching and a ring of fluids mixed forming at the base of his cock. Miguel accepted he had never been so hard before, to the point where he could feel himself being extremely hard even inside you.

“Please, bonita. Please let me fuck you harder” It takes you by surprise; the duality of Miguel. He was possessive, in control. But he was soft like he wanted to be good for you. Thing that made you fall more in love with him.

“Do it, Miguel” He welcomes your sweet lips as he starts pounding harder into you. Miguel knew he wasn’t acting as a leader. He was getting lost in the lust, in your gorgeous eyes and perfect body, instead of returning to the HQ's safety.

“You’re so pretty, chiquita.” He whispers in your ear. Your heart clenches and softens for him, the urge to scream I love you, to welcome him in your life, and keep him forever.

“Fuck, god-Miguel, fuck me harder, papi!” He kisses away your tears before he focuses on your tits again. His hot mouth sucks and leaves wet kisses on your chest. A hand was still gripping your hip, and the other traveled to land on your swollen clit.

“Are you getting closer, bonita?” You nod, accepting the way he was fucking you. The mix of his lips sucking your nipples, his fingers circling your clit, and his cock causing the most obscene sounds with your cunt.

“Yes, yes, fuck…” At that point, the rain was only a boost to keep going. You hold tightly from his neck, biting him occasionally, sending him to death.

“Oh-I’m cumming. I’m gonna cum, Miguel,” he moans when your hands comb his hair. His thrusts start to get sloppy, and the lips that were once on your tits now rest on your neck.

“Cum, bonita. Make a mess on my cock” You keep repeating his name, louder each time. He loves it and wants to keep being the reason for your pleasure.

This is heaven, you think. You see stars even when the sky is dark, only Miguel had the capacity to do that to you with an orgasm.

You arch your back, clenching around his cock so hard that, consequently, Miguel cums too. His hot cum paint white your walls, and with each thrust, a mix of your sheer fluids and his white seed drip from your folds.

Both of you pant, breathing for air.

“Wow…” and you’re back to being shy. When Miguel turns down to see you, you have your hands on your eyes, covering yourself.

He slowly slips out of you and gently touches your hands.

“Y/n…” he calls you, slowly removing your hands from your face. A blushed face pops in, and he can’t help but chuckle.

“I’m on the verge of being in love with you…” his touch on your chin makes you forget you are still naked. The shock on your face grew, and Miguel awaited your answer.

“Is-, Is this a joke?. I mean, we just had sex, but… Are you kidding?”

“Am I known for being someone who jokes often?” he asks you with sarcasm. And you’re hesitating, analyzing every possible reaction to any possible answer you could give him.

You love him, and he was admitting the same to you. But… everything was so sudden.

Then you have been contemplating that couples that tend to wait for the moment or analyze everything are separated too fast. And while you and Miguel had never been anything besides work partners, now you know the feelings were always there.

“So you like me as… a potential love interest?” you asked to confirm that you weren’t dreaming. Miguel smirks, brushing your cheekbone with his thumb.

“I would like you to be my partner. Long term and everything…” Another giant wave of blush invades you. Only the rain pulls you out of your daydream. By then, it was a warm breeze mixed with some wind.

“I like commitment…”

He smiles, and a genuine smile appears on his face.

You’re not ready to have him smiling and showing a soft side every day.

“Then… it’s a yes?” you nod, leaning closer to hug him. Maybe both should have talked about the feelings before having sex, let alone that the first time happened on the HQ rooftop in the middle of a tropical storm. But it’s okay.

“Yeah…So now you’re my boyfriend?”

“Indeed” Oh, you’re so happy. He kisses your temple, knowing he would quickly fall in love with you completely.

Suddenly you remembered why you ended up naked with a new boyfriend on the rooftop.

Well, only the grey sky was a witness of your sin.

“Oh, shit!… Miguel! THE BUTTON!” he chuckles, accepting he got carried away by the irresponsibility. He offers his hand, and simultaneously, both of you have your suits again.

“They must be fine,” he assures you, walking towards the box that caused everything. There’s a little door that opens the box full of wires and the infamous yellow button. Miguel presses it and turns back to you.

“Ready?”

“Sure…” You try to suppress the urge to scream when he takes your hand.

-

Jess is the first to see you and Miguel back inside the HQ. She frowns in confusion, making everyone else turn around to encounter the scene.

“Damn. What the hell happened to you two?” The woman asks, inspecting how your hair and Miguel’s are totally drenched.

“Uh-…” Miguel grows quiet, and you chuckle nervously, planning a decent lie.

“It was a hard mission. We couldn’t open the damn box to press the button” Everyone nods, understanding.

“Why are you holding hands?” Gwen looks curiously at your small hand covered by Miguel’s giant one.

“Oh, uh-…”

“We’re together….” First, you covered him, and now he was covering you; you would be a good team. One last time, a blush paints your face.

“Shoot, WHAT?” Peter, Pavitr, and Gwen seem to be celebrating. Peter shows you a poll debating whether you should date Miguel or now; the majority said yes. Your boyfriend rolls his eyes, clearly annoyed by his workmate's antics.

“So today we had a tropical storm and a couple revelation? On the same day? Weird…” Pavitr's comment makes you realize how chaotic the day was.

“Even weirder because the portals are still out of service” While Jess is stressed because she left her baby and husband at home, the younger spiders are excited.

“We should make a sleepover,” Gwen suggests, and you agree with excitement.

“No. I don’t think that’s matu-…” but you stop Miguel, turning back to him.

“Can we take a break and relax for one evening, love?” Everyone can see Miguel blushing cause you called him love. Of course, Hobie laughed and pointed at him.

“We can sleep in the cafeteria and tell supernatural stories.”

“That’s so silly…” Jess said to Ben, but the young man seemed excited too.

Ultimately, Jess and Miguel were the only serious adults looking at the upcoming mess.

“The button wasn’t an issue, right?” She asked Miguel. For some reason, Spider-Man 2099 couldn’t lie to Jessica.

“Of course not,” he heard Jessica laughing, knowing or at least suspecting what had happened between you and him.

“You’re insane,” she accuses his friend. But Miguel can’t feel embarrassed with Jess or Lyla. Yes, he wasn’t proud of fucking you on the rooftop under a storm, but he was happy that it made you two come together, at least.

After watching you leave the recreational area, he goes behind you and the blonde girl.

“Hey…Where are you going?” He asks, taking your forearm softly.

“Miles and Gwen want to get some sleep bags. And then I’m going with Ben for some lamps and-“

“I never approved of a sleepover” You send him a playful look, arching a brow.

“It’ll be fun. Besides, there’s nothing else to do. You can’t even send us on missions. Please?…” god, he hated how fast you were gaining power over him. As you bat your eyelashes and remark the e on please to convince him, he’s already considering improving the silly sleepover.

“Está bien pues…” you cheer and stand on your tiptoes to pull him down, kissing him.

Miguel couldn’t pull you away; even if many spiders were watching him, he couldn’t. Not when your lips felt so good on him.

Suddenly Gwen pulls you away, annoying Miguel once again.

“Okay, macho libre, I’m taking your girl away some minutes…” he rolls his eyes but gives you a little smile that you reply with a giggle.

Sure, something weird had happened that day in Nueva York.

__________________________________

It’s official, I’m doing Do you want a baby part three .

[z0mbieb0ybyersblog]

Wild Hearts - chapter one

(WH master list)

pairing: Wolfstar, + side ships that will be added later

warning: mature, strong language, maybe some suggestive things 👀, angst, fluff

word count: 1.1k

ao3 tags: Cowboy Remus Lupin, Cowboy AU, cowboy like me on full volume, I love cowboys, save a horse ride a cowboy type of shit, Disabled Remus Lupin, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, inappropriate use of lassos, Wrote This While Listening to Taylor Swift's Music

notes:

I made a playlist for the fic if you guys wanna check it out!

summary:

Sirius Black is a runaway, burdened by a troubled past, who escapes the confines of his old life and seeks refuge, looking for work on a remote ranch.

The ranch is owned by Remus Lupin, a rugged cowboy who keeps to himself, haunted by his own secrets. Who is looking to hire someone to work on the farm with him because Remus is unable to do the work alone after a farm accident that left one of his legs permanently disabled. Remus had other farmhands but needed someone to live on the ranch with him and take care of the rest of the work.

(originally published on ao3)

The Homestead

The scorching sun beat down on the vast landscape, casting its golden glow over the Silver Crest ranch that stood as a sanctuary amidst the rugged wilderness. Sirius' heart pounded with anticipation as the cab pulled up the property's driveway; it was nothing like where he grew up.

"You sure this is the right place?" The cab driver said as the car came to a stop. Sirius slung his only bag over his shoulder. "Yup." He said, getting out of the cab. He had paid the driver beforehand, so the cab drove off, leaving Sirius to admire where he would work and live for a while.

As Sirius ventured into the ranch, he couldn't help but take in the breathtaking beauty surrounding him. The sprawling fields, dotted with grazing cattle and sheep, hinted at a simpler existence, far removed from the complexities he had left behind.

Sirius approached the opening of the barn. It wasn't that big, but it was a decent size, and its paint was old and chipping away. There was a tan man inside the barn. He wore a dirty white tank top and circle glasses, and his hair was a mess and slick with sweat.

"Hello?" Sirius said to capture the man's attention. The man turned around, confused, but his confusion was quickly replaced with a bright grin. "Hey! What can I do for you?" He asked, walking over to Sirius, "Oh, uh, I'm supposed to start work here today." Sirius stated, and the man took a second before finally realizing, "Oh! You must be Sirius; I'm James. We spoke on the phone." James said, sticking his hand out, "It's nice to meet you in person, James." Sirius said, shaking his hand.

"Well, anyway, about the job, you don't start today; today's mostly getting you situated and showing you around," James explained, and Sirius nodded his head to say he understood. "If you follow me, I can give you a quick tour and show you where you will stay while you are here," James said as he exited the barn, and Sirius trailed after.

James showed Sirius around the property, and they stopped outside an old cabin house. "Here is the bunkhouse; this is where me and some other ranch hands stay," James explained as Sirius examined the building, "Though you won't be staying here." "Why not?" Sirius asked, a bit confused. "Well, your job has more domestic work, so you'll stay in the main house," James said. "The main house?" Sirius asked, and James pointed up the hill to an off-white two-story farmhouse with a metal roof and a porch wrapping around it.

"Who else stays in the main house?" Sirius asked, examining the house from the bottom of the hill. "None of us ranch hands stay up there; it's only Remus up there. I and Peter go up there for a bit, but we don't necessarily stay long." James explained, mentioning someone named Peter, and Sirius assumed it was another ranch hand.

James started going up the hill to the house, and Sirius trailed behind, "Remus said you'll be staying in the extra room. It's kinda small, but it's liveable." James said as they walked up the porch stairs. Sirius didn't care if the room was tiny as long as he had a place to stay.

James opened the screen door and knocked loudly on the entry door; it took a second before Sirius heard loud thudding noises from inside the house approaching the door. When the door swung open, Siriuis was surprised at the sight of the man before him. He expected an older gentleman, but instead, he was met with a young man, maybe around his age; he was taller than him and James. The man had stubble on his chin and scars trailing along his face. The man looked Sirius up and down, confused, before asking James, "Who is this?" "This is Sirius; he is the new farm hand who will be helping you around here," James explained as the man whom Sirius suspected was Remus went back inside the house James followed after, Sirius followed slowly as he went into the home. It was cozy; it looked well lived in; books lined the walls in the living room, many ashes lay in the brick fireplace, and framed pictures lined the mantel over the top.

The three reached a door that sat down the hall from the kitchen, "This is your room." Remus said, opening the door to reveal a small room that was now Sirius' living quarters. Remus walked away before Sirius or James could say anything. As Remus walked away from the pair, Sirius finally noticed that Remus walked with a small limp and was accompanied by a wooden cane.

"Sorry about him. He's not very keen on someone staying here to help him. The others and I had to try everything to convince him to have someone be up here." James sighed and chuckled. "So, what am I here to help him with?" Sirius asked, "Well, you will help him when he is down at the barn. He likes to push himself 'cause it is a lot of work for him and in general, so you'll help minimize that workload. You will also be doing normal stuff around here, like helping care for the animals, but that's mostly it unless Remus says otherwise." James explained. "Oh, one more thing: Remus is a little sour to people, especially newer people, but he means well, I promise," James said, and Sirius mentally noted everything James had told him.

"Alrighty, I'll be heading out back to the farm. You can get yourself situated in your room and prepare for tomorrow's work. Tomorrow, Marlene will help learn the ropes. She's another ranch hand. You'll like her. Anyway, see you around Sirius!" James said cheerfully as he left the farmhouse.

Sirius entered his room finally; it wasn't that bad. He would make do with it. As Sirius put away the clothes he had brought inside the old wooden bureau, he heard a voice behind him, "You don't snore, do you?" The voice said, and Sirius turned quickly to see it was Remus in the doorway. "Um, no?" Sirius replied, and Remus nodded. "Good, the walls are thin, and I don't want to hear it." And he walked off.

A little while later, Sirius shut the door to his room and sprawled out across his bed. Sirius had to get used to being here; it was such a change from his past home; well it wasn't ever home, not to him at least. But this, he hoped, would be his home, a place where he could be him without the constant ridicule of others. A place to be free.

[thecagedbard]

Oh Look, another Tav story! This is currently posted over on AO3 in its entirety but I thought I’d post it to tumblr as well. If you’d like to sneak a peak at some of the chapter names, if you don’t want to read the whole thing yet, have a listen to the title playlist: here.  There is also just the ‘Here’s what I was listening to while writing' playlist, and my Faetrala Uncaged playlist which serves as inspiration for Vesper’s siblings.  A lot of the songs tend to overlap but who knows, you might find one you enjoy. 

Rating: Mature

Pairing(s): Astarion/Tav (Vesper), Astarion/Halsin, Astarion/Halsin/Tav(Vesper); Mentions of Karlach/Shadowheart/Wyll; Mentions of Gale/AFAB OC

Warnings:  Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Physical Abuse, Canon Divergence, Child Death

Word count: 9,322/300,000+

Summary: Vesper needed someone to protect her from an abusive husband should he appear after she was abducted by mind flayers. Astarion needed someone to fall for him so he had protection from Cazador. He's got two hundred years of manipulation and she has the soft heart of a lamb being led to slaughter. While subconsciously healing each other they both realize they also need to heal the druid of all damned people.

Chapter Six

The opportunity to speak with Astarion slipped from her hands faster than a zhentarim agent could drop a bottle of alchemist fire. While the plan was clear, they were headed to the underdark in search of the Sharran Temple or city or whatever it was, neither Karlach nor Astarion was quite ready to give the surface world up just yet, plus Halsin had said it would be a couple of days before he could join them because of Kagha’s trial.

The party had left their camp and traveled back to the toll house before following the risen road. Days ago they had found a group of three gnolls and fought them along with newborns after they had burst from the bellies of hyenas. Today the sounds of explosions caught their attention as they wandered. Gnolls as large as the three they had fought before were hunting something within a cave, as he normally did Astarion’s hand pushed down on the top of the bard’s head but he wasn’t fast enough for the gnoll that was painting a symbol in blood on the wall to not notice them.

The creature howled before surging forward and came to a sudden halt before the bard, their tadpoles connecting. “Karlach, kill it!” Astarion shouted as all of them doubled over. When the initial connection fell the others realized the hyenas and gnolls behind this one were beginning to surge forward, Karlach had lifted her blade ready to attack the one looming over the bard, but Vesper held her hand up.

How did a gnoll get a tadpole? Why was ‘this meat,’ which she assumed was herself and her companions, forbidden? Stepping into the gnoll’s space she pushed for the tadpole in her head to find the answers and at the same time felt a hand encircle her wrist trying to pull her back, “Wait!” she had cried out, “give me a just a second. Take the others.”

A deeper push into the gnoll’s consciousness gaining what little information it had, and decided to try and distract it with a joke. “What’s the difference between man and meat?” Gale had looked at her as he climbed one of the boulders near her, “What?” The gnoll’s head had tilted before she told the punch line, “Thirty seconds and a hungry maw.”

“What?” the wizard had said a second time before the gnoll began to cackle. Much like its pre-bipedal form, the cackle sounded like a hyena and the control that the gnoll pack leader had over her pack spread the laugh to all of them.

“How in the hells did you do that?” asked Karlach as she looked at the bard, “The joke wasn’t even that good…” Astarion flanked one of the bipedal creatures with her and shrugged his shoulders, “Perhaps it's their lack of intelligence. One at a time, shall we?”

The creatures went down easily since they were able to take the time and attack together, when the final one standing was the pack leader, she felt a tug on the belt of her armor and walked behind Astarion as she heard him mutter, “Thirty seconds and a hungry maw…truly?” She shrugged her shoulders as best she could and watched as they attacked in unison, Shadowheart sputtering as blood splattered across her face.

Karlach stood as her shoulders heaved, “That was really a bad joke…but it worked.” Vesper looked at the tiefling as she talked and laughed softly, “I’m full of a ton more.” The axe-bearing woman tilted her head, “Well I guess we have our traveling entertainment.” There was a shout from inside the cave that had them turning to look in its direction, from the mouth of the cave two men came running out clad in all black.

The tiefling made space for Vesper to step forward and tilted her head in the man’s direction as the taller blond yelled out to them again, his hand raising into the air with a wave. A hand at her back lightly pushed her forward and she looked back and then up to Astarion who smiled at the man, “See what he wants, you’re good at reading people aren’t you?” 

“Shadowheart is better–hello, are you alright?” her last couple of steps stumbled as Astarion gave her another indelicate shove forward.

“Gods, you are a sight. I thought we were going to be gnoll shit before anyone came to our rescue,” the man held out a hand before he simply stepped forward and grabbed onto one of Vesper’s shaking it, “Rugan. The boy and I were a part of a caravan traveling west, did you see any of my men out here?” Vesper shook her head and explained the scene they had found just south of where they stood, “Damn it all.”

“Where’re you traveling from?” asked Karlach as she stayed just behind the bard’s shoulder. Vesper could feel the heat from Karlach’s body indicating just how close she was but she didn’t interject anything, she just kept an eye on the man before looking back at the cave to see a younger man peeking out of the cave.

As Rugan explained where they were from and that they were carrying good bound of Baldur’s Gate something he said made her wrinkle her brow in confusion. He spoke of being paid of tarenths she had heard that word before when dealing with a debt for Issac. Those men who had spoken of it had been mercenaries. The hand that had been on her back slipped up to hold onto her shoulder and Astarion stepped closer so he was directly beside her, “You’re Zhentarim?” he asked, Vesper looked toward her pale companion and saw him looking the two over, “Your people don’t deal in ‘baubles.’”

Rugan lifted a finger while he chuckled, “You know who we are–very clever. Then you probably also know it’s not smart to interfere with Zhent business.” The human wiped the sweat from his brow with the back of his arm and cocked his head, “This is the point where a clever group like you accepts my gratitude and walks away.” Vesper looked from the man to Astarion and back before she smiled, “Of course…hardly seems right to save you only to rob you of your charge, right?” She looked at the spawn next to her whose smile went from threatening to tight as he looked at her his eyes narrowing in frustration, “Right…of course. We’ll see you at your little watering hole then…”

The man nodded and turned calling out to the boy in the cave while the three watched him stride back. Astarion lowered his voice, “We could have used whatever he had in there…what if he’s carrying a ton of jewels? Shame really…” Karlach snorted, “Right well, if we really want their stuff I suppose we could always attack all of them at once.” The bard nodded and inhaled shakily before turning, “Yeah…all of them.”

The tiefling looked down and frowned, “What is it? Did you know him?” Vesper angled her head to look at the tiefling, “Hm? No! I’ve just dealt with Zhent before…not a happy experience by any means.” She realized then that they were missing three members of the party, “Where’s the others?” Karlach turned and pointed, Gale was bent over one of the gnolls as he used a knife to cut its ears off, “Probably ingredient gathering…or trophy collecting. Not sure really,” she grinned as she looked back at the elves. The rogue’s face was twisted as his lip curled, and his nose wrinkled, “Somehow I didn’t take Gale for a collector…do those have some sort of magic within them?” he called out and Gale looked up and chuckled before returning to his task.

Shadowheart was going through the belongings of the gnoll leader and held up a flail, “Something about this doesn’t feel right. Like it’s a curse or something.” Wyll only nodded and held open his bag, “Perhaps if Gale’s problem persists it will find some use then. Otherwise, we can get rid of it as soon as possible… there are cliffs not far from here near Waukeen’s Rest,” the warlock said as he flipped the closure on the bag once the weapon was inside.”

“There’s a parasite as well, I can feel it calling to me,” said Shadowehart as she began to back up. Astarion bounced on his toes as he pulled an empty bottle from his pocket, “Allow me then.” When the little creature began to exit its host looking for a new one the rogue was quick to pick it up and place it within the glass container. Tapping on the jar he smiled at it, “Hello new friend…I wonder what you’ll give us.” The cleric watched the spawn with a look of disbelief on her face, “Tentacles, mucus-covered skin…nothing attractive I’m sure.” Astarion barely spared the cleric a look before he walked up to the bard and dropped it into the bag that rested on her shoulders while asking, “How far to this Waukeen’s Rest then?” Vesper stumbled as the rogue pulled at her bag and froze while he finished whatever he was doing, when she was finally able to move freely again she noticed he had her ration pouch once more. “Must you eat all of my snacks?” she asked as he pulled a piece of dried meat from the bag, turning to Wyll, who seemed to know the area better she asked, “What is Waukeen’s Rest? That Zhent agent mentioned it as well, said his ‘friends’ had their own tavern there.”

Wyll raised a brow as he looked past the bard and motioned for her to lower her volume, he started down the hill and looked back waiting for the others to follow. Karlach and Vesper shared a look before following after him, Astarion wasn’t far behind while the cleric and wizard brought up the rear. “It’s an inn, my father used to frequent when he had to come this way years ago, not too far perhaps another hour or so. Zhent agents you said?” he titled his head down as he spoke to Vesper, “Perhaps we should stop after all. Let someone there know that there’s a black market going on under their noses.” Gale sighed as he heard it was an inn, “An inn, maybe they will have room and we can have an actual bed for the night. A warm bath and fine cooked meal sound like just the thing I could use right about now.” Shadowheart sighed at the thought as well, “I haven’t minded camping but having a bed does sound rather nice. An hour you say? What are we waiting for?”

They began walking again, Wyll taking the lead ahead of the others. While walking Karlach snatched the bag Astarion had taken from the bard and passed it back to her with a chuckle, “One night and you’re acting like you’ve been given free access to her things.” Astarion grunted when the bag was taken from him, “I thought I said not to say anything,” he said to Vesper whose face began to color as Shadowheart looked at the woman walking beside her. “What are they talking about? One night?” she asked before looking back at Astarion and then her eyes got wide, “You didn’t!” she exclaimed her eyes finding the bard again.

Vesper threw a look behind her to the rogue, “I hadn’t said anything. I told you Karlach saw you…you’re also the one that told her to tell me!” She heard a male chuckling and whipped her head around to see Gale now fighting a grin, huffing Vesper began walking faster to walk next to Wyll as the others laughed a little harder.

“It should be just,” Wyll paused mid-step as his eyes glanced skyward. “Smoke…something’s on fire,” said Vesper as she too looked upward and then took off after the warlock. People in red and yellow tabards were gathering water from a fountain before throwing it on a fire that was engulfing the whole building and those beside it. Karlach joined the two and looked at Wyll before looking at the door. One of the people in heavy armor turned, “Don’t just stand there, Duke Ravengard is in there!”

“Duke Ravengard?” asked Wyll and his face fell before he ran up to the door and kicked his foot through it, the door giving way to his weight and the flames licking at it from the inside. Karlach scooted past him, “Let me, Wyll. If it goes up in flame I should be fine for the most part, worlds better than you at least.” Wyll only gave a nod, “Quickly, Karlach!”

They lost sight of Karlach and she and the others in heavy armor ran for the stairs. Wyll covered his mouth with his hand as he took in the building and Vesper walked up to him placing a hand on his shoulder, “Do you know this Duke Ravengard?” Wyll looked at the bard and lowered his hand, “Yes…I–” The sound of more debris falling interrupted them and they both turned to the building. Astarion, Gale, and Shadowheart stopped running as they got near, “Where did Karlach go?” asked Shadowheart and both Vesper and Wyll pointed into the building. The cleric’s eyes widened and she looked at them, “You just let her? What if she gets caught in the fire?!” Wyll looked over to Shadowheart before turning back to the building, “Someone’s coming, Shadowheart get ready!” The cleric nodded and began preparing a healing spell.

The woman who came running out knew Wyll and Wyll knew her. Vesper watched between them as they spoke and was surprised when she heard the word ‘Father’ being placed so near a description of Duke Ravengard. “You’re the son of a duke?” she asked as she looked at the warlock who dropped his head, “Yes.”

“Not just any duke,” Astarion said as he stepped closer, “Ulder Ravengard…he’s quite possibly the most powerful duke in all of Baldur’s Gate!” The woman, Counselor Florrick, if Vesper had heard Wyll correctly, reported to them how a group of drow and goblins had attacked just recently and kidnapped the duke. Vesper’s attention shifted when there was more wood falling and even Wyll’s head snapped to the side looking for a sign of Karlach, “Your friend was just behind me…I don’t–” a shadow appeared in the smoke and Karlach ran out of the building, “Gale with me! There’s someone still trapped in here.” And she was running off again, this time the wizard and cleric following her.

“If the goblins and drow are working together it likely has to do with the cult of the Absolute,” Wyll was circling Florrick now, “they’ll be making their way to Moonrise Towers. I have it on good authority, Counselor.” The woman nodded, “I will need your help Wyll, your father will need your help.” Vesper looked at the woman, “He’ll have it…we’re on our way there already.” Florrick watched as Wyll went running for the same building as the other before looking at the two elves in front of her, “Thank you. Fist, you have your orders! To Moonrise Towers!” As the armored individuals began their march out Vesper ran for the building, putting a hand over her mouth as the smoke of the scorched floor rose to meet her, “Keep your head down,” she heard Astarion say and crouched down as they ran up the stairs. Just as they reached the top of the stairs the sound of a boom shook the building, a man came running through and Gale shot a ray of frost behind him as Karlach also came running from the flaming building.

“Sorry, it took a while to find a safe way to get to him…” said Karlach as she doubled over coughing at the smoke that filled her lungs, “We should go back downstairs,” the bard said. The others nodded but Shadowheart was bent over the man who had been rescued applying healing spells to him. After two, she took one of the potions from her side and held it out to him, “This should help, but you can’t stay here.” He was crying over his wife and batted her away. Wyll coughed before shaking his head and grabbing Shadowheart’s arm, “He knows, we have to go.”

They all made it outside, there were a few people still trying to futilely put the fire out, but the flames didn’t want to go down, Gale coughed heavily before sighing in relief as Shadowheart cast restoration on him, “I don’t think it was the brightest idea for you to run into a burning building. Your lungs are still healing you know,” the cleric said to the wizard and he gave a grunting laugh. “I cannot argue when you’re right. But Wyll…you’re the son of a duke?” Wyll grimaced as he splashed his face with water from the fountain, “I am. I am both the Blade of Frontiers and I am Wyll Ravengard, son of Duke Ulder Ravengard…” Astarion’s face twisted, “I didn’t even realize that Ravengard had a son?”

Vesper listened to them talk as she sat down on the edge of the fountain. Wyll’s parentage didn’t much matter to her, she knew it meant that the warlock in their party was technically nobility but he was here just like them. Why should it matter? For a split second that awful part of her perked up, Issac would be afraid of–she closed her eyes and pushed the thought away. She still needed to find time to talk to Astarion but after such a walk today she was tired.

Warmth filled her left side and Vesper opened her eyes to look at Karlach, “Are you alright? The fire didn’t hurt you did it?” she asked the tiefling who shook her head, “I’m perfectly fine. Thought I’d check on you…you lost some color when you met that Zhentarim guy. You sure you didn’t know him? He didn’t…” her head bowed down and she didn’t finish the question, but Vesper knew where her thought process was leading. “No, believe me, I don’t forget their faces,” the bard said with a sad smile on her face, “nor would they pass up the opportunity to mock me if they saw me.” She met the tiefling’s gaze for just a moment before looking away and coughing again. Her bag was shrugged off her shoulders and she began to look for her canteen, taking a drink she sighed in relief and held it out, “Gale, have some.” The wizard turned away from his conversation with Wyll and took the container with a silent thanks before drinking deeply and sitting down on her other side, “Those mercenaries said had a place here?” The bard and warrior both nodded, “Don’t suppose they might have had a hand in what happened here do you?” Vesper looked at him and frowned, “I won’t say it isn’t possible–” Karlach interrupted, “Wouldn't be surprised since a Zhent was in that temple.” Vesper looked back to the woman beside her, “There was?”

Karlach nodded, “Yeah when we were first walking about we spoke to a few people and this little halfling wasn’t too friendly with us poking around. Oh, shit…” The tiefling's eyes got wide and she looked to Gale, “We forgot the cub!” Gale read the confusion on the bard's face and explained, “On our way in, there was an owlbear cub much like the one we saw in that cave being chased by goblins. Some game they called ‘Chicken Chase.’ Karlach wanted to save it but it had completely slipped my mind. I’m sorry, Karlach, the likelihood of it–”

“No! Don’t say that we have to go back!”

“If those goblins are there it could be a death trap for us.”

“And if we don’t go they’ll cook the cub! C’mon, Gale, we gotta save the baby if you guys couldn’t save the mama!” It was strange seeing Karlach trying to give the wizard puppy-dog eyes. But she was putting her best sad face forward as her head tilted down, “Please?”

The others were finally tuning into the conversation behind them and Astarion shook his head, “No, let’s not go back. Those goblins will want us dead. We’re better off dealing with the mercenaries.” Vesper looked up, “If you all go down there I’ll stay out here. I’d rather not deal with them at all.” The rogue frowned as he looked down at her, “Why? Bad experience with black market traders?” Karlach was quick to step in, “You could say that. It’s more the people less the practice I think,” she turned and smiled when the bard nodded. “What if she and I go back? Halsin thought the goblins would disappear once their leaders were gone. We,” she motioned to herself and Vesper, “could go get the cub while you lot deal with these ‘traders’ or whatever.”

“Absolutely not,” Astarion shook his head and negatively waved his hands, “Vesper staying up here is one thing considering the burning building and chaos surrounding this place, the two of you running off back to where we ran from to save an owlbear is completely different.”

“What if we did both?” Vesper finally spoke up, all eyes were on her and she shrank a bit from the attention, “Those that want to go down to the zhentarim can go, and the rest go to the camp?” Astarion stared at her, dumbfounded, “No!” his vowel was elongated as he shook his head, “You’re not putting yourself in danger. It’s either everyone goes so that we’re each protected or no one.” Karlach smirked and looked at him, “So we’re all going then?” The rogue’s face fell and he shook his head, “That’s not what I said.” Shadowheart hummed, “It kind of is…you said we all go or no one. I don’t think Karlach’s going to give up on the baby owlbear…you didn’t see her when she saw it.”

The tiefling turned to Vesper, “It was the cutest little murderous thing.” The bard giggled and nodded, if it was the cub they had seen in the cave she already knew that. She looked up at Astarion who was glaring at each of them before he met her eyes, “Oh alright fine! But first the zhent. Maybe they have clothes and someone,” he gave a pointed look to the bard, “can actually be comfortable when they’re in camp.” Karlach grinned, winking at Vesper, before she replied to Astarion, “You’re so sweet, Astarion. How’d you know I wanted something new to wear?”

Unfortunately, the conversation about Vesper staying topside went much the same way. Arguments about her safety, and her choices, and Wyll even threw in a barb about her reaping the consequences that made the bard wince. The warlock however was the one to come up with a place for her to hide, there was a barn next to the warehouse they’d been told about, so far the fire had not reached this far and after casting a few frost cantrips Gale felt it was safe enough.

Astarion wasn’t thrilled but he quit complaining, as the others left the barn he looked at her, “First spark and I want you out of here. I don’t care if you come down to the rest of us, just…” he looked her over and waved his hands as though coming up with the words were hard. Vesper gave him a solemn nod, “Good,” he said and turned halfway before looking back, “I’d hate to know that last night would be our only night.” When her cheeks flushed and she opened her mouth he only grinned, “It’s so fun getting you all worked up.”

─ ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─

Her companions were gone for quite some time. As tired as the bard was she was just as worried about the fire spreading as Astarion was so she couldn’t find it in her to fully rest. Rather she found a somewhat comfortable area on the ground behind a pile of hay and sat down. She was just starting to sing one of the few songs she still remembered when she heard yelling and footsteps quickly approaching, “Vesper!” Her name was yelled so quickly and loudly that she jumped and peeked around the haystack as Wyll slid into the barn nearly falling on the ice, “We have to go! Hurry!” He waved his hands and held out his hands while she quickly got to her feet and slung her bag over her shoulder. There was more yelling as she and Wyll ran toward the others, Gale held a scroll in his hands and as they passed him he let go and finished the incantation, a wall of stone rising from the ground to close the archway in the building.

“That isn’t the only way out of there, we have to keep going, run!” the wizard announced as he ducked to grab his bag and followed after the others.

“What happened?!” yelled Vesper as they reached the far end of the road down from the inn. She was doubled over like many of them, her heavy breathing matching Gale’s as she rested her hands on her knees. “I thought you were just going to talk?” the bard shifted her gaze to Wyll, expecting him to have acted as the hero again, but everyone slowly turned to look at Astarion’ who puffed his cheeks for a minute and let out a guilty giggle, “I may have tried to take the chest they were hiding…and after talking my way out of that one I–uh,” his pitch went a little higher before he cleared his throat, “they seemed to accept us, how was I to know they wouldn’t want us looking in the back rooms?” 

Shadowheart stood straighter and wiped a smudge off her face, “They were all preparing to leave and blow the place up. Gale cost us 600 gold to buy a painter and then Astarion thought he’d go sightseeing where there were giant wolves.” The cleric was seething as she said ‘wolves’ and the bard remembered that Shadowheart had a fear of them. Astarion’s hands wavered in the air dismissively before he dropped them, “We survived, let’s count our victories. I was just attempting to see if there was something to make our six hundred gold back.” 

Vesper looked to the human beside her and he smiled in her direction with a guilty expression in his gaze before he tilted his head with a shrug, “A man was being held captive. I was able to talk them down from a thousand gold…which we certainly didn’t have. Then the no-good louse of an artist had the nerve to ask for even more gold so he could drink his way from here to Baldur’s Gate.” Gale pushed himself into a standing position and placed his hands on his lower back as he stretched, “He did promise to rebate our gold once we made it to the city–” “If we make it,” the vampire’s spawn interjected. “Yes,” said Gale, “if we make it. He wouldn’t say who his patron was but that she would be grateful for his rescue.”

Karlach shook her head, “You didn’t get scammed much back in Waterdeep did you?” Gale’s brow furrowed as he thought and he shook his head, “No, but I don’t think the man will forget those who bought his freedom. Call me delusional if you’d like but I’d rather be optimistic about the outcome of this. I also waited until everyone had made their purchases so it wasn’t as if I wasted gold.” Astarion’s head twisted as his eyes narrowed, “You didn’t waste it? We have over a tenday’s travel to get to Baldur’s Gate–oh! Wait! Even longer because we’re headed to the underdark! Even longer!” he threw his hands into the air, “Because now we’re rescuing Duke-fucking-Ravengard in the bloody Moonrise Towers! No, no gold wasted indeed.” 

As Astarion shouted his voice broke and he glared at the wizard, “Not like most of you don’t need to eat or anything. Not as though we’re headed into the underbelly of Toril where trade will be far and few. We could have used the money with the druids for food, Gale! Supplies that we are sorely running low on!” He was moving forward toward the wizard until the Vesper stepped in front of him and held up her hands, “It’s done. We’ll figure it out. I’m just surprised we had six hundred gold, to begin with…” Both of her hands rested on the high elf’s chest and he paused his momentum to look down at her before his nostrils flared as he huffed. Astarion looked from the bard to the wizard behind her and shook his head, “Fine. It’s only money after all. Hopefully, there are no palms that need greasing in our near future.” He looked down at the bard, “It was the last of our gold.” Vesper nodded, “Alright, we’ll go through the chest and sell what we have to then. And perhaps we can stop by the owlbear’s cave again. Her claws would be good for spears so they’ll be good to sell and if there’s any whole eggs we can sell those too.” 

Vesper gave only the slightest of pushes against Astarion’s chest before he stepped back and turned away. When he walked away she ran her hands over her face, digging her fingers into her eyes before nodding, “It’s alright. We can figure some stuff out, we may just need to double back and see what we can grab that’s worth trading for in that village or sell some of our herbs and other ingredients.” She turned to look at Gale, “We may have to part with those gnoll ears that you worked so hard to get.” The wizard nodded and pursed his lips, “I do think he’ll come through…I perhaps didn’t think pragmatically about the rest of our journey ahead.” He stepped closer and lowered his voice, “I forgot we were to save Wyll’s father.” Vesper matched his expression, wrinkling her nose in a grimace before Karlach exclaimed, “Oh shit…is that a dragon?” 

As a red dragon flew over their heads everyone ducked down, it was flying low as if it was searching for something. Karlach led the others up a hill and approached a pale-skinned tiefling who was also watching what was happening down below near two bridges. “That’s the road that would lead directly to Baldur’s Gate, the one Zevlor and his people would have taken,” Wyll whispered and the tiefling whirled around a scimitar in hand as she looked at them before turning and crouching down again, “Shh!” she called to them. Vesper lay on the ground trying to stay as low as possible as she looked over the cliff, she felt a hardened metal brush against her arm and looked at Shadowheart as the cleric sucked in air between her teeth, “Githyanki!” 

The bard nodded and looked back to the scene ahead. There were more people in heavy armor and that red and yellow tabard. The Fist, Florrick had called them. “What sort of alien creatures are so friendly with dragons?” asked Astarion as he too joined the drow and half-elf. “Githyanki,” said Gale, “legend says they were gifted dragons from Tiamat herself.” Vesper looked down toward the wizard who jutted his chin out, “It looks as though they’re questioning the Flaming Fists and….” the talk turned into shouting and Vesper gasped as the large red dragon spit a fireball in the direction of the bridge knocking it into the ravine below. They heard Karlach swear from further down the bridge as Wyll whispered, “I hope Zevlor and his people already made it across. It’s a perilous journey over the mountain.”

They were going to get up and leave when another figure came running into view, Vesper grabbed hold of Shadowheart, “It’s our friend from the ship.” Shadowheart’s head turned and she narrowed her eyes, “Looks like she found her people then. We should go, they had no issue killing those humans and elves, they would make light work of us.” The bard turned her head and shook it, “We should help her.” The cleric sighed, “The likelihood of her siding with us is slim, we should go gather what we can and save that owlbear cub if we can.” Shadowheart’s mind was made up and she proved it by crawling backward and doing her best to be quiet as she left the bridge and went down the hill, Wyll looked toward Vesper before he too followed, “She’s with her people, Ves,” he said as he left.  

One by one they abandoned their hiding spot until it was only Vesper and Astarion. The high self seemed to be waiting for her to move, and the bard was watching everything unfold, “Vesper, darling we should go…she was on the ship too but she has her own kind to help her.” She felt a weight against her shoulder and looked at Astarion, “Something just doesn’t feel–”

The sound of metal hitting metal made them both turn. “Shit,” the high elf hissed, but the bard was already pushing up and pulling her crossbow from her hip, “What are you doing?! Get down!” Astarion’s shouts alerted the githyanki below and he growled to himself, “Fine. I suppose I could try something a little exotic today.” 

Vesper heard him yell to the others as an arrow flew in her direction, she was able to dodge out of the way while completing an incantation on one of the greatsword wielding gith. The sword in the gith’s hands heated quickly until the alien creature swore in its language and dropped it to the ground.  From the side she could hear her companions rushing back and joining the fray, Karlach’s war cry was above all of them as she leaped from the bridge and buried her axe into the skull of the archer who was aiming to take a shot at Astarion. The high elf had descended the stone wall they were nearest and turned pulling daggers from behind him. Vesper looked to the one creature she knew, the woman from the nautiloid, and shouted, a quick healing word cast within her shout, out to her. The warrior from the ship rolled to the side to avoid the downward swing of another gith. A golden bolt made the greatsword wielder stumble back, Vesper looked to the side and Shadowheart hefted her shield higher, “Why save her?!”

The bard shook her head, “She didn’t leave us behind, Shadowheart! She didn’t even protest when I went searching for that key…they were going to kill her!” Between them, Gale was weaving his hands through the air and summoning a fireball, “Not now, Shadowheart, you can argue the reasoning when this is finished. For now let’s just make it out of this alive!” When the arcane ball of flame fully formed he pushed forward and the three watched it explode on top of not only the remaining gith but Karlach and Astarion, the high elf flung himself back from the flame. “Though I must admit, I do hope you’re a good judge of characters, Vesper. Githyanki are not known to be the kindest of creatures,” he said as an afterthought and cast a glance below them.  

The bard wouldn’t admit it but she wasn’t sure how good her judgement was any longer. 

There was only the one gith left now, the one swinging her sword directly at the familiar alien. While the one the party was helping parried, Karlach struck out again but was parried by the foe. Astarion took the opportunity to stab one of his daggers into the less armored area of the gith, his other hand wrapping around her head to grip her chin and pulling her close to sink his teeth into her neck. He was only able to take a drink or two before an elbow cracked into his nose and he stumbled backward.  A foreign word was shouted and they watched as the gith that Vesper insisted they protect ran the other through with her own sword. She kicked the body off her blade and lifted it toward Karlach and Astarion. “Wait!” Vesper shouted and began to run, she scurried down a ladder as fast as she could, hissing as the threads of her collar pulled at her shoulders, and ran again. “Wait! Don’t,” she held up her hands as she skidded to a halt in front of her, “please! It’s me, from the ship!”

As she had quickly approached the green skinned woman had lifted her sword higher, prepared to protect herself, but paused in recognition. “The istik…I remember,” her eyes narrowed as she looked back to the tiefling and the vampire, blood coursing down his chin. Vesper’s chest heaved as she tried to control her breathing, “These were your people?” The gith spat on the ground, “This h’sharlak sought to destroy me rather than point me to the nearby creche. You fought well, better than on the ghaik ship even, and you have not turned.” The bard’s head shook, “No, we haven’t.” At the use of ‘we’ the gith’s head tilted and she looked to see, Gale, Wyll, and Shadowheart coming through the gate’s opening. “More from the ship?” she looked back to Vesper who nodded, a hand was now resting on her chest, “All of us are infected. We’ve learned quite a bit…” Karlach held her axe, her hands choked on the shaft, “I’m Karlach, and you are?” “I am Lae’zel of Creche K’liir,” Lae’zel’s head bowed only slightly. “I reported to the Jehstil Kith’rak as it was instructed for me to do, told him I needed to reach a z’aithisk and yet he ordered my destruction.” She bent down and rummaged through the belongings of the fellow gith she had slayed and pulled a disk from her. Holding it up Lae’zel let it spin until she attached it to her hip, “I know the location of the creche. You will follow me and we will be purified.”

Vesper held up her hands, “Wait…there are things we need to do first.” Lae’zel swore at her, or at least that’s what she believed the alien words were meant to be. “I shall go alone then,” the gith said and turned her head toward the one remaining bridge, “Wait.”  Vesper reached forward and grabbed Lae’zel’s shoulders before jumping back when the gith stiffened, “It might be dangerous to go alone. Travel with us…what if this creche turns against you as well? These four would have killed you…”

Lae’zel looked around at the bodies on the ground before her shoulders straightened and she held her head high, “Very well, but purification is our highest priority.” 

─ ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─

Hours later, with the sun setting behind them, the party was closing themselves in the destroyed Selune temple. Though most of the goblins had followed Minthara some had remained behind enjoying the revelry that was still carrying on as though Minthara hadn’t carried most of their forces away and not returned for days. Karlach had encouraged the bard to ritually cast her ‘speak with animals’ enchantment so when the fight broke out, Vesper yelled to the scared owlbear to hide. 

The temple’s yard was huge and despite the forces that the drow had brought with her, it seemed like the place was still teeming with goblins. When it seemed like the fight was over another little green creature would hobble out and look at the destruction and then the party before screaming and summoning more. The spell casters exhausted their magic use and Vesper had fallen to a goblin and his smaller, but still two-handed, sword as it sliced into her side from behind. Two eldritch blasts to the chest and the goblin didn’t get the chance to attack her again but she could feel herself bleeding out, “Drink, quickly,” she took the potion that Wyll offered into her shaky hand and turned it up but it would be a minute before she could stand. As the potion worked its magic the warlock’s legs straddled her until she could get back on her feet. The rapier-wielding warlock was quick to warp an arm around the bard, swinging her around while she tried to down another potion, but rather than going into her mouth it slipped from her hand onto the ground. 

“Stop,” she pleaded as her eyes crossed, and her stomach felt ill. She had begun the morning feeling similar and did not feel like vomiting all over this ‘battlefield’ as it were. Wyll stopped with a murmured apology and instead shielded her with her own body as she opened a third bottle and drank as quickly as she could. Vesper could feel the effects take hold as her side began to itch and she felt her perception of the world around her steady. As the final opponent, a drunken hobgoblin that had been asleep on the landing above them before all the fighting began, fell Vesper groaned and leaned against the warlock who still stood in front of her. “Are you alright back there? Still bleeding?” he asked, but he didn’t move, he may have been worried about her tumbling over if he removed the stability his back was giving her. 

“I’m not sure…” the bard admitted monotonously, “maybe?” 

But now they were inside, and the place was eerily quiet. And dark.

Karlach had searched for the owl bear but it was gone. The tiefling was saddened but accepted the course of events, “At least the little thing isn’t being poked and prodded anymore.” A few of the party gave an appreciative hum or grunt but they were looking for a safe place to bed down, Gale cast a light cantrip on his staff, “I think we should go to where I found Astarion and Vesper before. It was hidden far enough back that I don’t think many people knew to look there. Perhaps tomorrow you can show us this outpost you both found?” Vesper nodded and clutched her side, the inner chambers of the temple were silent and devoid of people. Something about it made the hair rise on the back of her neck. She was stumbling her way through the dark when her body collided with another and her arm was wrapped around a back, “Lean on me,” she heard Astarion say and looked up at him before nodding. 

It seemed that though they were all exhausted it might have only been her that was so injured. The others lead the way through and once the chilled air of the destroyed chapel rushed over them Vesper’s knees buckled, “Ah-ah,” the vampire beside her said, his arm tucked under her, “just a bit further. Collapse on the bench, dear.” 

The bard was forcibly sat on one of the stone benches and practically melted into the seat, it was far from comfortable but everything just ached. She heard a chuckle and expected to see Astarion standing over her, but instead of the blond rogue, it was the warlock who was crouched just before her. He held in his hands an offering of healing potions, “I’m not trying to be rude, but any more bruising and you’ll actually depict your drow heritage.” At Wyll’s words, Vesper haggardly stuck her tongue out at him which earned another laugh, “Drink, Vesper.” She felt his hand clap her knee twice before his weight loomed over her and she felt the revitalizing liquid pour into her mouth.

When it was gone and she could feel the effects instantly she opened her eyes again and watched the warlock back up and stand before he sat down next to her. “I owe you an apology, Wyll,” she said as he opened another small potion and placed the bottle in her hand, she took it and lifted it but turned to look at him, “I spoke without thinking, but you’re absolutely right. Mayrina, that pregnant woman in Ethel’s house, needs to be saved even if it's her own choices that put her there.” Wyll’s mouth was a hard line for a bit before he let his illusory visage fall and she took in the horns and new ridges along his face, when he turned she saw his one brown eye now had the familiar fires of Avernus swirling in them. “I may have reacted more harshly than I intended,” he admitted when he looked in the bard’s direction, “I sometimes wonder where I would be had I not accepted Mizora’s offer. But I did, and I followed every job she gave me until Karlach. I wondered after you stopped me, after sparing Karlach, if there were any others I might have falsely judged. I’d like to think I haven’t killed any innocents on Mizora’s orders but as Shadowheart was so kind to remind me…while I am bound by my pact she is not bound to be honest.”

The warlock sighed heavily, and the bard reached out to lay a comforting hand on his shoulder, “I’m sorry this happened to you. I’m not sorry that Karlach is with us though…” He grinned as she spoke, “Neither am I, Vesper. I’m happy to travel with the Advocatus Diaboli as I once called her.” 

He looked down at the hand that still held the healing potion and tipped it with a closed fist, “Drink up. I’ll advocate for us to rest for the night but I think these will help you just in case they insist on going forward.” Vesper frowned, “I hope we don’t,” she sputtered before tipping back the potion, “we said we’d get Halsin before then and we do need to check our supplies. I don’t know much about what to expect once we’re down there but I know things will be very different.” The warlock nodded and leaned back against the bench his arms resting on either side of the backrest, “We should be safe if you want to rest. I won’t disturb you,” he told the bard and Vesper gave him a smile that he returned.

The quiet didn’t last long, the others climbed up the ladder shortly after descending and Gale was talking about what he’d learned about the underdark from books. They had no bedrolls or blankets as they began to set up a resting area in the center of the chapel, Gale explained that the place they would be sleeping was in fact a puzzle. Karlach, with her strong stomach, returned to Gut’s rooms to destroy a few crates and came back with enough wood for a fire. Sleep wasn’t easily found that night but when they left the shattered temple the next morning the party felt at least half as well as they had before they set out.

─ ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─

The deserted village that had been claimed by goblins was now empty and devoid of any of the little creatures and their lack of presence allowed the party to split up to search for goods to trade. Vesper had rested with Shadowheart the night before and still hadn’t found the time to talk to Astarion or figured out the words to explain why she had done what she did. He would be well within his rights to hate her but a part of her didn’t want him to. And now, with each kind gesture he made her guilt just weighed heavier and heavier.

She was inside the blacksmith’s house again, laying out all the tools she had found trying to decide what would get the best offer when he found her. “Vesper,” her head jerked upward and she shuffled to the side, “Astarion?” The rogue crouched down beside her and tilted his head, “Is something wrong? I had thought that you would have been at my side in the chapel last night…” 

A purplish hue filled the bard’s cheeks and she looked away, “Of course not,” she answered before clearing her throat. “You reacted so harshly when Karlach outed our evening, I just didn’t think you’d want such a public display…” Deception shouldn’t have been this easy, not with the way her innards twisted. 

She picked up a few of the pieces of blacksmithing gear before setting them to the side, she was about to reach for another one when a pale hand reached out and grabbed hers, “Now that they all know I don’t mind. All the easier to show the others that you’re mine,” he leaned closed and paused when she flinched and turned away from him, “darling, your words say that nothing’s wrong and yet your body says something different. Which is it because this is the strangest thing for me?” His chuckle was hollow and Vesper felt his stare burning into the side of her face. 

She chanced a glance at him from the corner of her eye and dropped her head, “I need to talk to you.”

Astarion’s head tilted in interest as he pulled his hand back to rest on his knee, “I’m all pointy ears…”

Vesper turned, her leg giving way and making her sit, to look at him before she glanced around at their surroundings. “I’m not sure that this is the appropriate place for this conversation, to be honest…it doesn’t feel…private enough.” 

Astarion’s playful smile dropped, and his brow furrowed, “Well if this is a conversation about you wanting to end our trysts it doesn’t matter where we have it. Better to say it now than to hurt the other involved, don’t you agree?” Now her chest ached, was he confessing feelings for her? “It’s…just,” with a heavy sigh she dropped her head, “It’s just that I’m an awful person and I owe you a huge apology and hope you’ll let me explain.” 

The spawn’s silence made her glance upward and he raised both brows in her direction, “I’m waiting.”

“I’ve told you a little of my situation prior to the nautiloid,” she started and began glancing around. Telling someone she was sexually intimate with was one thing, but for everyone to hear how her body hadn’t been her own for ten years, to learn of what she had been forced to do, and possibly about the men she’d been made to gratify…she’d likely just go into the woods and piss off whatever predator she could find. 

Her inhale was shaky as she looked at the rogue earnestly, “My eldest brother has always had a problem with money, and often when we earned something he lost it in a game of cards. Well one night, ten years ago or so, he lost a game that according to him would have wiped out our debt with a group of people he’d borrowed from. A large,” she shuddered thinking of the amount of gold Octavius had racked up, “very large sum. He lost…and the only thing he had to offer was a little sister who–how did Issac say he put it–was ‘fresher than the first snow.’”

Astarion still said nothing, he was too now getting comfortably into a seated position and Vesper only paused as she heard some of the others calling out about their finds. “I spent ten years with a man who despised me, I could do nothing right for him. He hated the way I meditated and broke me of the habit, at first he hated that other men looked at my body so he starved me but then he later realized he could use me…” her mind drifted for a moment as she recalled the first time Issac had brought someone into that little farmhouse. 

“Vesper?” her name being called returned her to her present company and she saw that only one of her pale companion’s brows was raised now. “I would drink a terrible mugwort tea whenever he made me be with those other men, to prevent getting pregnant,” she explained before she looked past Astarion’s crimson gaze, “I didn’t want something permanent of that situation. He would leave for days sometimes weeks and it was the only respite I had until his brothers found out about me, then they would come and demand me to please them.”

She pulled her lip between her teeth and her eyes closed before she shook the thoughts and memories, their voices from her head, “Issac didn’t touch me until two years after he got me. His mother was demanding grandchildren and suddenly I was tied to his bed and kept from the tea I used until I got pregnant. 

“After the children were born there were fewer threats of Issac looking for my siblings to make an example and he began to threaten to take the babies from me, to give the girls away to someone who could train them to be better versions of myself. He only cared about my son, but he threatened to beat him too when he was old enough,” she could feel her eyes burning now and closed them tightly, “But then when I was abducted and I was scared that he’d appear around any corner. And then I learned what you were, a vampire.” 

She opened her eyes again and looked at Astarion. His brow wasn’t raised anymore, and his head was bowed low as he listened to her story, a dark look in his eyes, “I’m sorry, Astarion I may–no, I did it. I thought if you liked me then you’d maybe protect me if Issac appeared to take me back to that hell. The day the nautiloid came through Baldur’s Gate he left but told me he might come back if he had something to fill a hole.” She choked on the last sentence and went quiet trying to control her breathing.

“So,” started the spawn, “when you said you wanted me to like you…it wasn’t in a romantic sense?” She shook her head, “No. You’re an absolutely beautiful man, Astarion,” she gave him a half smile before looking away, “I just…I didn’t think you’d protect me if I didn’t do what you wanted me to do. You wanted to feed from me so I let you, you wanted me to meet you in the woods, so I did…you wanted my body so I gave it.” 

A hollow laugh left her throat, “You know how you said I was the first thinking creature you’d fed from?” He nodded with his brow furrowed, she continued, “You were the first man I made the choice to have sex with. And for all the wrong reasons. So, I’ll understand if you hate me. I’ll never speak to you again on this journey if you’d prefer…you can be as mean as you want to be and I’ll tell the others that I deserve it because I truly believe I do. But you needed to know after you told me about Cazador and how he tortured you…I couldn’t keep up my act. I have felt so guilty since yesterday morning and it’s been eating at me.”

Astarion leaned close to her, his face inches from hers, and for once she didn’t pull away. She felt his fingers lift her chin and she opened her eyes to meet his again, watching as his eyes bounced from one of hers to the other, and did her best to keep her lips from trembling. Then he leaned back and stood before turning to walk away from her and out of the building.

The bard watched him go and her shoulders slumped. He hadn’t told her what he decided to do but she reminded herself that she didn’t deserve an answer after how she’d treated him as less than a person in her own eyes. She dug the palms of her hands into her eyes and looked back at the tools in front of her before grabbing the ones she had placed aside before and abandoning the task to go searching the blacksmith’s basement.

[just-some-sad-kiddo]

My back has really hurt for the past few days. I think it has something to do with my running form or maybe just the fact that I'm out of shape.

The kitchen smells like dog. Why.

I helped mom paint my room today. The weird long pole we had in order to reach the ceiling had been sitting in the garage and every time I held it up, gross rusty water leaked into my hands and into the paint. Gross. So Mom ended up doing most of the work since she's a lot taller than me. We listened to the Hella Mega playlist while we worked.

It's so sunny today!

it's crazy how much free information there is online. I found a full, 20-hour web development program on Youtube for FREE. That's actually insane.

I saw a bunch of people wearing headphones at the park today. Some of them were holding little devices. I wonder what was going on.

Mom burned some meat today and I had to leave because the smell was so bad.

[mirobami]

Hi! You haven’t done a lot of ibara ones and you can also skip this one but I found this concept intriguing where ibara is unrequited love and the reader is actually soul mates with Rin you can skip it if it doesn’t go with the rules 😭

↳ eternally promised, mortally broken

♠️ CHARACTER: i. obami

♠️ MATCH: Whist (Unrequited Love) + Two Pair (Soulmate!AU)

♠️ NOTE: HELLO ??? HELLO ??? WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I WANT TO SKIP THIS ONE THE EVIL LAUGH I LET OUT i love ibara obami sm i am actually offended you thought i wanted to skip this one /j but anyways i have a playlist that’s actually the title lmao so guess who was listening to THAT

Maybe Ibara should have focused on his own soulmate rather than falling for someone else. Worse, it wasn’t just anyone, it was his brother’s own soulmate. He could still remember the day that he met you. For some extraordinary reason, he felt as though you were the person he was supposed to find. But you weren’t soulmates. His heart broke the day Rin went home late and breathlessly told Ibara, “I found my soulmate.”

How could Ibara begrudge Rin of his own soulmate? He just smiled and asked what you were like. Rin described you as though you were an angel in his eyes, he was so detailed that Ibara knew exactly what he was talking about when he heard you. But it stung. He was the one that met you first and part of him hated the fact that Rin was your soulmate. Everyone had to reach a certain age before they stopped aging until they found the person they would be with for the rest of their lives. Ibara had to keep the fact in his mind that Rin was going to grow old with you while he stayed the same.

You two were friends and Ibara was glad for it. If he couldn’t have you, at least he could be at your side in a way that he wouldn’t reveal his feelings. It hurt him to lie, but if he didn’t say anything about how he felt about you, it wouldn’t hurt. He would be fine as long as he kept his feelings shut down. Even when Rin got home all flustered and quickly asking to borrow his romance manga to get some ideas as to where to take you out next. Ibara never denied him and even offered them to him at times. Sometimes he’d give his own advice as well.

One day, you and Ibara were looking at the sunset from the roof. He had really wanted to see it and you decided to go with him. With a wave of his hand, you followed him up to the roof and here you were now, staring at the cotton candy pinks, bright oranges, and fading blues painted together to create an extravagant picture you couldn’t tear your eyes away from. You said, “Is it just me or is the sunset even prettier from up here?”

He nodded, shifting to put his hands behind him, holding him up. “Today was supposed to have something to do with the weather, some sort of phenomenon but at least it’s still as beautiful as it always is.”

Humming, you turned to gaze at him. “Have you found your soulmate yet?”

His head was thrown back from him laughing. “No, and I don’t plan on doing so.” The words sounded slightly arrogant, which made him wince. He didn’t mean to come off as that, but he was trying to find a way not to reveal his feelings to you. He was in a vulnerable situation and it was worse since you were there. “Sorry, I mean I just don’t want to find them yet, you know?”

“Hm, I get where you’re getting at. But I’m glad I’m Rin’s soulmate, because it also means I get to be with you.” Your smile was sweet, but to him, it felt as though it was a reflection of his own misery. 

That night, he couldn’t sleep. He stayed in bed, staring at his own ceiling. All his life, he had dreamt of finding his soulmate and growing old with them. When you came into the picture, his previous goal was thrown away, shattered by your presence. However, it wasn’t possible. You and Rin were together and you’d grow old together whereas he stayed young, tortured in his own mind with the thought that he was never going to find the love he was promised. He was promised eternity, almost like a god.

But why was he so mortally broken? Why was he the one to suffer? He didn’t know and as he closed his eyes, he could still envision that smile of yours. Well, it didn’t matter. He had you in his life at least. 

No, he thought, it does matter. It’s not the same. 

And it never would be the same for him again.

[anambiguousheart]

day 1

i have listened to the song ghostin on repeat since I found it and I am super sad about him and the fact that he doesn’t give a fuck about our friendship ending. He’s already making her playlists and seems super eager and happy to have me out of his life. It’s super cruel because I am really hurt about him saying that it was ‘weird’ that I told him everything within the first month. Now that’s going to cause issues in my future relationships because I’m never going to know a right time to open up, but I guess in his terms, there never is a right time. It hurts because i was super elated to see that someone actually took it and accepted me despite it, yet now him revealing how ‘weird’ and ‘creepy’ I am because of it, is the worst thing he could’ve ever said. I don’t want to be alive and I hope someone just kills me because it’s unfair to think that I’ll never feel truly free or open without the possibility of being judged or hated or called creepy which is the worst thing to be called. It paints a different picture of who I am and how I love people and how I open up. I just want to be close with everyone I meet right away and I don’t know why it’s bad to want to share love and trust with everyone I meet. It’s unfair. My ears hurt from playing this song all night and day. Nonstop hours on end. It’s in the back of my head constantly. I feel like by the end of this year I’ll be sad, broken; over and over again. I think I won’t be able to enjoy life ever again honestly, I think I’m just going to have to push through everyday sad and waiting for the next bad thing to happen. I can never enjoy a good moment anymore because I always know a bad one is coming. I think my life already ended a while ago, which is sad but I guess the rest of my years are going to be this way. Ghostin is my theme song for today. Not that I really relate to a certain aspect of it, no one cares when I’m sad and especially not if I cry, but the sad undertones are just true to me. A true sad ballad to start off my year and the end of my life.

[wooandthesun]

ateez and the little things they remind me of

smth a little different!! had a rough day today and just wanted to write smth involving ot8

hongjoong

feeling warmth

when i say warmth i mean the kind of warm that comes after being really cold, like when mornings slowly transition into the afternoon </3

specifically the warmth you feel when sunlight comes in through the window and the curtains just right and it rests on your skin comfortably

also reminds me of the sun, how it signifies that it's always gonna wait for you every day without fail

i'm sorry this is short i don't know how to explain it properly :(

seonghwa

holding hands

looking at him makes you feel content :(

honestly i put holding hands there but i really meant not having your hands be empty

like it could be holding onto your favourite plushies or a jewellery you love

the idea of something being concrete and you being able to hold onto it.. that's the feeling

he's like an anchor.. always keeps you grounded

yunho

looking at paintings

you know the paintings you could see in art exhibitions or museums or even hotel hallways

they're always amusing

that reminds me of yunho so much??

the eagerness to analyse the painting, to wonder how it wound up where it is

like there's always new details to discover even with such a brief encounter

yeosang

the comfort of being alone

the solitude in silence after a long day and being able to just breathe

i don't know why this is so specific but it's the first thing i thought of

this kind of comfort is so scarce and precious and fragile but welcoming all at the same time

if i could describe this better i would say it feels like watching the scenes in movies where they show landscapes and nature and just beautifully idle things yeah that </3 reminds me so much of yeosang it hurts

san

childhood nostalgia/familiarity

not the bad kind that makes your stomach feel weird

it's moreso finding something you recognise that you can immediately lean on because of how well you know it

anything almost relatively childish but comforting all the same.. like loud giggling and laughter, playgrounds and memories of things like old toys, scrapbooks etc.

long story short he just feels a lot like home

mingi

first crushes

gentle, light, almost so fragile you're scared to touch it

when i say first crushes i mean the kind that you remember most, so much that you could almost swear it could've been love

a very new and refreshing feeling, familiar but strange at the same time

one of the hardest things to describe to be honest i'm not doing this any justice but

i could also describe it as like, the lightness clouds make us feel sometimes :')

wooyoung

hearing a very familiar song

you know how sometimes you turn on the radio or put your playlist on shuffle and suddenly a song plays and it feels like a long awaited reunion

maybe it's because i'm listening to songs while writing this but this is one of the best feelings ever nonetheless

it's like discovering an old friend for the second time

your heart just recognises the song you don't even have to process it any further

jongho

the road home

underrated feeling

sometimes you can literally feel your worries dissipate on the way home

similarly, it could also feel like the long roadtrip back to your hometown or someplace very familiar

you know what lies ahead of you and you wait for it with patience that you don't normally have for other things

there's a lot of assurance, safety and security

</3 i can't

i'm sorry if this makes no sense i just have been wanting to get this out of my system .... anyway ateez best boys my heart is swelling

[positivityfortoday]

☀ PositivityForToday’s 10K Celebration ☀

There are SO many things worth living for and reasons to smile and be happy! With the help of my lovely followers/friends, I have compiled a list of 1,000 things that make people happy, for my 10,000 amazing followers! Hopefully, this list is able to help you, make you feel better, or give you a reason to smile today! 

☀ 1,000 Happy Things ☀

Seeing cows while driving

Moss on really old fallen trees 

Seeing a lil baby you don't know in public, and they smile at you!!!

Parents doing their kids hair or just people doing someone they care about’s hair

Really ragged old and well-loved stuffed animals 

When the dandelions start blooming

Spring blossom

Daffodils

Bluebells

Sharks

When you're sitting outside your house or something and people passing by wave and say hi

That feeling in the summer when you have your window open and you're listening to your favorite music

When someone does a hobby just because they enjoy it even if they aren't the best at it

Comfort shows and books

People speaking their native languages

When my brother gets something to eat and always gets me something he knows I like

When I finish a crossword 

When I see something that reminds me of someone I care about

Paintings

My best friend (I love her so much shhhh don't tell her)

My dog! I love him 

My little sisters! Adorable, creative, and very witty. I love them

Music! I get the happy shaky feelings and just,,, y e a h/listening to songs

Singing! Especially for band practice!

Sunlight beams in the morning

The moon

Eagles

That feeling when you’re with friends and you’re all laughing so loudly, and you just feel complete

Talking to my favorite people/talking to my best friend

Sunrises and sunsets

Seeing the stars

Cats

Butterflies/Moths

Snails

Warm sunshine

Purple gel pens

Hugs

My children

Sunny days

Beautiful views

Spending time with my family and friends

Playing badminton

Cycling

Playing with little kids

Playing with dogs

Whales

Animals doing daft things 

Talks and walks with my son 

Morning breakfast and coffee 

A good spicy lunch

Laying in my bed at night and just checking on current affairs and news

My boyfriend

My friends 

Art

Owls

Minecraft

Voice acting

Petting my dog

Smelling Flowers 

Feeling a cold thing when I’m warm or a warm thing when I’m cold 

Giving and getting kisses

Random texts from friends

Coffee flavored chocolate 

Singing

Moths with big white wings

Underdone scrambled eggs

A rainy night

Bubbles

That first warm day of spring

Going on hikes

Being outdoors

Candy

Chocolate 

The smell of playdoh 

Taking photos

Getting new clothing 

Candles

Birdwatching

Going on picnics

Writing poetry

Reading books

The holidays

Making people smile/laugh

Coffee

A nice warm blanket

Eating ice cream

Snow globes

Lightning bugs

Flowers after the snow melts

The smell of rain

Sitting on the steps early in the morning

Being the first to wake up

The feeling I get after running

The comfort of a favorite shirt

My girlfriend 

Family

Random acts of kindness

Babies

When I play with my dog by pretending to run at her and she goes crazy with excitement 

My cat 

Rain

Baking

Piano (playing or listening)

Small flowers

Flowy skirts/dresses

Wholesome romances

Hearing a song for the first time and loving it immediately 

Playing my flute

Horses

Listening to vinyls on a record player

When someone remembers a little detail about you

Painting my nails

Doing yoga

Doing exercise

Beating a personal record

Rainbows

Making crafts

Taking a shower after a long day

Going to the zoo

Going on vacation

Being at the beach or near water

Watching Netflix

Going to the movie theatre

Watching a live play at a theatre

Learning something new

Teaching someone how to do something 

Toasting marshmallows and eating S’mores 

Cupcakes

Seeing a shooting star

Taking a nap

When someone compliments me

Decorating my room

Picnics

My favorite band

My favorite celebrities

My favorite actors

Setting a new goal

Collecting rocks

Putting on fresh clean sheets

Seeing Christmas lights

Listening to birds chirping

Giraffes

Camping

Sitting by a bonfire

Eating mashed potatoes

Bullet journaling

Driving in the car with the windows down

Dancing

Looking at pretty pictures

Concerts

Funny jokes/puns/memes

Fireworks

Sparklers

Pretty clouds

My favorite shoes

Getting new art supplies

Making photo edits

Making gifts for my friends and family

Getting gifts from people 

Balloons

Succulents 

Playing an instrument

Drinking a nice cup of tea

Iced tea on a summer day

Eating fresh fruit

Getting my hair braided 

Eating at a restaurant 

Being on a boat

Swimming

Making new friends

Finding an animal in nature 

Pumpkins and pumpkin patches

Carving pumpkins 

Autumn and all the beautiful colors

Acting for theatre

Making video edits

Wearing a costume for Halloween

Dressing fancy

Finding four leaf clovers

Pressing flowers

Scrap booking

Handwritten letters

Stickers

Hummingbirds

Elephants

Eating breakfast 

Gardens

Inspirational quotes

Wearing my favorite necklace 

Baby animals 

Little streams and ponds

Foxes

Sun shining through trees

When it’s foggy out and you can see dew drops on plants and spider webs

Being on a swing

Finally accomplishing a goal you’ve been working on 

When a new season of your favorite show comes out

Doing my makeup

Cleaning and organizing 

Daydreaming 

Taking a bath

Christmas 

Watching funny videos

Wearing sweaters and hoodies

Fuzzy socks

Helping people 

Little figurines and objects

Popcorn 

Brownies

Looking out the window 

Wolves

Opening a window for fresh air

The smell of coffee 

Watching YouTube videos 

Getting a haircut 

Seeing a deer in the woods 

Watching birds fly

Finding shapes and objects in the clouds 

The smell of fresh laundry

When someone tells me something reminded them of me

Stepping on crunchy leaves

Animal crossing

My switch

Softball/baseball

Basketball

Soccer

Seeing cool cars/old cars

Rollerblading

Drawing with chalk on a sidewalk

Going to bed early

Stargazing

Making progress

Checking things off my to-do list

Taking Polaroid pictures

Going for walks

Jogging

Going to the library

Starting a new book

Finishing a good book

Playing board games

Koalas

Slippers

Big trees

Sunlight coming through the windows

Waking up on Christmas morning

Getting book, song, movie, etc. recommendations from my friends

Making music playlists

Finally receiving packages I ordered in the mail 

Baking desserts

When my favorite song comes on

When people make playlists for each other

Finding new characters to ship

Having free time

Sticky notes

Sunbathing

Traveling

Peace and quietness

Alone time

Meeting my step/exercise goal for the day

The people who love me

Soup

Coloring books

Getting into bed after a long day

Pillows

Fandoms

How unique and different everyone is

Getting a lot of work done

Looking forward to my future dream job

Playing video games

Being on Tumblr

Taking time for myself

Practicing self-care

Face masks

Finding money you forgot about

Holding hands

The smell of apple pie

Starting a new tv show

Getting letters in the mail

When the seasons change

Summer

Mugs and teacups

Smoothies

Breakfast food

Disney

Going into the woods/forest

Trying new creative outlets

The smell of sunscreen

Eating the food you’ve been craving

Knowing and feeling that people care

Telling a good story

Laughing so hard can’t stop and your stomach hurts

Late summer nights

Late night drives

Sparkles

Glitter

Listening to people I love talk about their favorite things and what they’re passionate about

Listening to podcasts

Turning up the volume of my music

Putting my headphones in

Blasting my favorite songs through my speaker

People accepting and supporting others for who they truly are

Wearing something cozy

Soft light

Love

Warm weather

A well-rested night

Waking up in the morning and feeling refreshed

Knowing that every day is a fresh start

Well written characters

A book I can get lost in

Sloths

My parents

My siblings

My grandparents

The feeling of sand beneath your feet

Heated blankets

Bagels

Toast

Getting something for free

Samples

Constellations 

Mason jars

Practicing a new skill

Finding a new hobby

Lazy weekends

Mac n cheese

French fries

Having deep conversations with my best friend

New jeans

Going to IKEA

Skirts 

Dresses

Doodling

When other people are happy (especially people I know and love)

Marching band

Sleeping in

Having the day off

Getting new books

Playing guitar

Playing ukulele 

Random compliments

A change of scenery

Cuddling

Waking before the sun is up

Reading old letters

Zebras

Exploring

Building Lego sets

Using photoshop to make edits

Journaling

Walking along the seafront and breathing in time with the waves

A good rom-com or nostalgic show

Writing lists

Pinterest boards

Looking back at my accomplishments

Talking on the phone with a friend or family member

Wrapping presents

A blue sky

Loving someone 

Waterfalls

Washi tape

Penguins

Donuts

The color yellow

Sleepovers

Cooking dinner

Kind gestures

Trust

Inside jokes

Songs that make you feel nostalgic

Seeing other people’s art

Comfy clothes

Wearing pajamas

Calligraphy

When someone calls you by your nickname

Going to Target

The first sunburn of the summer

Ramen noodles

Chinese food

Thrift shopping

Flower fields

Flowers growing in random places, like through a crack in the sidewalk

Writing

Sparkly snowflakes

When it snows on Christmas

Mixing paint colors together

Perfectly shaven legs

Puddles

The color red

Thunderstorms 

The smell of flowers

The ocean 

Adult sized onesies

Driving a golf cart

Fairytales

Cartoons

The color blue

Pasta

AO3

Crickets chirping

Seeing everyone’s houses decorated for the holidays, especially Christmas

Other people sharing what makes them happy

Monkeys

Being understood

When someone texts to make sure I got home safely

Iced coffee

Becoming better at communicating with others

Seeing a friend for the first time in a while

Good morning and good night texts

Drinking a cold glass of water

Deep conversations in the middle of the night

Collecting sea shells

Building blanket forts

Tan lines

Being under lots of blankets

Making better health and money choices

Getting chills from a song even after hearing it countless times 

Liking how I look

Hot chocolate

Finding new music

Buying cute things

Wearing an outfit I really like

When someone tells you how glad they are to be your friend

Gardening

Watching raindrops race down a window 

Trying new food

Finding exactly what I was looking for 

Planning my future

Finding a song that perfectly fits my mood or describes how I’m feeling

Writing little notes to people

When someone tells me I did something good

Eating ice cream on a hot day

Making friends with animals

Going to football games

Seeing people genuinely interested in something

Snow days

The last day of school

Winter break

Spring break

Thanksgiving

New Year’s Eve

Turtles

Sitting outside on a cool summer day

Watching rain

Watching the ocean waves come in

Netflix binges

A new movie release I really want to watch

Driving with a window down for the first time in the spring 

Taking a cruise

Giving helpful advice

Getting helpful advice

Doing a favor for someone who needs it

Someone referencing one of my fandoms or something I love out of no where

Learning and knowing stuff

Doing something physically challenging or scary

Listening to my bedroom fan while I fall asleep

Coming up with a new creative idea 

Finding something I wanted at the store on sale for a good deal

Finishing all my assignments on time or even early

Hugging my dog

Taking my dog for a walk

Teaching my dog a new trick

When strangers stop to say hi to my dog

Listening to audiobooks

The weekend

Finding a new flavor of chapstick

Drinking Kool-Aid, it makes me feel so nostalgic

Watching nature shows on a weekend morning

Watching cartoon shows on a Sunday morning

A good TV show, most likely something I've watched before because that way I know it ends well

A good, delicious comfort meal on a Friday night by myself 

A café in the city centre at noon when it's not filled with the morning rush or afternoon coffee breakers

The stars from my childhood bedroom because they're the brightest here

Listening to my favorite playlist really loud on a long road trip and singing to myself loudly in my car

Having an entire day to myself without interruptions from anyone

Opening the curtains first thing in the morning 

A new jacket

Going to the cinema on a first release day because it's always super exciting and full of people anxious to see a movie they've been waiting for forever

Listening to live music

Riding roller coasters

Going to amusement parks

Lizards

Seahorses

Starfish

Eating fair food

Feeling an instrument vibrate when you’re playing it

Hearing my dog snore

When my dog dreams in his sleep 

Wearing a new piece of clothing for the first time

Feeling the sun on you

Eyes in the sunlight

Seeing city lights

Singing in the shower at the top of my lungs

Looking at someone and them knowing exactly what they’re going to say

Laughing till you cry

Being under a blanket

Going to craft stores

Watching boats

The idea of traveling the world

When my dogs let me lay my head on them

Listening to an old song and having it bring back memories

Candy corn

Crazy socks

Quotes

Fall and the leaves changing color and the crisp feeling in the air

Making snowmen

Making gingerbread houses for Christmas

Making videos with family

Burning a candle

Booping a dog’s nose

Getting letters/notes from people; writing them

Snow globes

Dr. Pepper

Doc martens

Fortune cookies

Potatoes

Easter

Finishing something

Skipping rocks

Warm rain

When someone opens up to you

Finding the right words to say exactly what you wanted

Animal footprints

Eating outside

Fairy lights

The smell of a hotel

Windows

Meeting a new dog

Dolphins

Getting magazines in the mail

Being in the woods as the sun starts to rise and the animals wake up

Warm days

Adirondack chairs

A warm breeze

Clothes and blankets hanging outside to dry

Feeding birds

Aquariums

The color green

Tie dying things

Going to art museums

Going to science museums

New albums from my favorite artists 

Seeing moss in nature

Finding cute little mushrooms 

When a dog wags its tail a bunch and is excited to see me

Playing fetch with my dog

Obsessing over something and having someone to talk about it with

Going on a walk with my best friend and talking about life

Looking at old pictures and reminiscing on good memories

Reading a book that's so good your brain wants to read faster than it can

Laughing with friends about the weirdest things

Being appreciated for doing small things you wouldn't even have thought about yourself because it's something you *just do*

Being creative

Watching animals

A story I can't put down

Stretching

The moment when you listen to a new song/album by your favourite artist

When you're at a concert and anticipating the moment before the band comes out

When at a concert and they play your favourite song live

The moment when someone compliments your outfit 

When you see someone wearing merch of something you like 

Seeing the sunrise/sunset 

Watching the sun rise out of the water or sink down into it as it’s setting

This ecstatic feeling in general when you're just living in the moment with people who love something as much as you do

Hugging my cat and smelling his fur

Listening to my music by myself and singing to it 

Making edits I’m really proud of 

Losing hours in a good book or fanfiction

Writing sentences that I actually like 

My siblings and my parents when they're being chill and funny

Watching my favorite tv shows and movies and yelling about them into the void 

Finding a new good song 

Fresh out of the shower + fresh clean sheets feeling when you go to bed

When I come downstairs in the morning and my dog greets me right at the bottom step with her lil’ tail wagging

Knowing that if I ever needed someone to chat with, someone would be there to lend an ear

Tigers

Lions

When you shuffle your music and the exact song you want to hear plays

When all my family is around the outdoor fire on a summer’s evening

When my nieces and nephews give me squishy kid hugs

Being home alone and being able to cook or bake in the kitchen without disruption

Driving around with a friend in the evenings and just belting our favorite songs

Seaside walks

Disney World

Seeing live theatre

The sun shining on leaves and stone buildings

Dancing when I'm alone

Color-coordinating my outfit

Floating on my back in the sea

The smell of summer nights

The smell of winter mornings

Colorful things/environments

Bunnies

Walking along lakes/rivers/the sea

Spending time in nature

Taking care of my plants

Giving affection to my loved ones

Listening to other people's stories

Reading about people I've never met before or places I've never visited before (especially if they are now just a part of history)

Embroidering

Pandas

Swimming in a river or the sea

Stargazing (my favorite moments usually happen an hour before sunrise)

White-caged-bird

Feeling the breeze when I spin and my heartbeat when I dance for an hour at a time

All the wonderful smells of flowers and colours that nature has to offer

Sharing good laughter with someone

Feeling like I belong

Travelling and discovering new customs of different cultures

Hiking or foraging

That feeling when I'm approaching the end of a really good book and I let myself be engulfed by the fact that it's a unique experience, that I'll never experience as the first time again

Observing my local fauna

Petting and taking care of an animal (double the joy if it is friendly with strangers)

Drinking a good cup of honey tea

Finding a perfume that suits me

Eating something sweet

Enjoying a meal with others

Cat paws tapping on the floor

Dipping a biscuit into tea

Trying to catch leaves falling from the tree

Having sunlight hit your face when you’re napping

Objects that cast a rainbow when the sun shines through them

Seeing patterned shadows

Ambient mood lighting

Sleeping

Wearing jewelry 

Cheese

Playing chess

Fresh air

Going somewhere new

My Mom’s cooking

Being inspired

When someone holding your hand rubs their thumb lovingly in circles

Picking strawberries

Otters

Painting the walls of my room

Wind chimes

Seeing that your favorite people are active online

Finally understanding something you were struggling with

The excitement you get when someone reblogs your writing or art

Getting a new notebook or journal

Appreciation

Validation

When someone tells you they love you and mean it

The smell of freshly baked bread

When my dog falls asleep on me

Making new online friends

Found family

Finishing cleaning my room

When someone lays their head on your shoulder

Doing something right on the first try

Finally sitting down after standing for a long time

Getting goosebumps from hearing or seeing something you love

Seeing a gorgeous view

Loving someone and them loving you back

Freshly baked gooey cookies

When a song comes on and everyone starts singing

When I’m out for a run and it’s hot and it starts raining. Nothing makes me feel more like a human than getting caught in the rain on a run

Swimming in the ocean

When people are talking about something they really love and get carried away trying to explain it all to you

Puppies

Being in the middle of nowhere and actually getting to see the whole sky of stars that you never get to see in a city

Finding people that love the same things you do

 When something silly reminds you of someone you love; like every time I see an orange and green gummy worm I think of my sister

When you’re hugging someone and they squeeze you a little bit before they let go

Weather where you can leave all the windows open in your house

Trampolines

Driving with no destination in mind

Falling asleep to the sound of rain

Hearing other people laugh

Laughing only because you hear someone else laugh and it's just so contagious

The first snowfall of the year

Disney movies

Listening to someone tell stories and they have like 15 side stories in between the main one

Romantic movies

Bubble baths

Smiling between kisses

Wearing sweatpants

A clean house

Pizza

My computer

Cheesy pickup lines

When people tell me they miss me

Cool spring mornings after a storm

My job

Butterflies

New shoes

Oversized shoes

Caramel apples

Volunteering

Meditating

Running my blog

Finding sea glass at the beach

Getting my nails done 

Planning vacation

Hot cider

Telling people I love them

Writing in my gratitude journal

Eating homegrown vegetables, fruit, and herbs

Remembering a good dream I had

Happy endings

Colored pens

Decorating for the holidays

Finishing a really good tv show

Leopards

Summer rain

Thunderstorms where I can just open my window to the full extent and just watch and listen

Calls with my best friend

Seeing a meme and sending it to my friends

Getting an email from AO3

That moment when you get an idea for creating something

Walking barefoot on the grass

Sending thank you notes

Writing events I’m looking forward to on my calendar

Dippin' Dots

Spicy food

Seeing a full moon

Eating cookie dough

Eating seasonal food

Bubble wrap

Going to the car wash and getting rainbow soap

Dark chocolate

Soft blankets

Weighted blankets

Soft drinks with crushed ice

When I get an unexpected phone call from someone I love

Wearing flip flops

Longer daylight hours

Having a BBQ

Frosting cookies

Making cupcakes in the microwave

Watching the Hallmark channel during the holidays

Taking selfies or photos with people I love

Putting on lotion

The smell of a baby’s head

The Office

Online shopping

The smell of freshly cut grass

Surprising my family or friends

Looking at the clock when it’s 11:11

Being productive

Quilts

Doing good on an exam

Someone doing a favor for me (especially when I didn’t ask)

Eating pancakes with syrup

Origami

Sprinkles

Confetti

Waving at people

Giving high fives

Complicated Handshakes between you and your best friend

Naps/feeling well-rested

Eating one of my favorite foods

Hearing good news from/about a friend or family member

Looking at nature (these days it's seeing squirrels in my neighbour's garden and looking at my plants and trees)

When make someone happy or feel like I made a difference (including a satisfied client)

Success (good grades, a gifset that does well)

Hugs from my mom

Learning new things

Chatting with my friends because they’re all amazing people

Group watches of my favorite tv show or movie

That feeling when the house has just been cleaned/when I’m freshly showered

Making jokes/laughing with people

Reading fluffy fanfics

Driving on the road to a destination far away, I love the trip as much as (if not more than) arriving at the actual place

Reading affirmations

Green tea

Getting breakfast or lunch from a nice restaurant 

Learning about topics that won’t benefit me; like Chinese history, geography, ancient flora and fauna, etc. just things that I find cool 

The jokes my girlfriend makes, especially when they’re the same ones she always makes

Stories from the past! Stories from history from people who actually lived through it

Stories in general, just hearing the life experiences of people in completely different positions from me. I love hearing people’s stories

Drawing intricate things, like old buildings, landscapes, and plants

Cooking a nice meal

Grocery shopping and farmers markets especially 

My cat! All of her weird little habits too, like how she stands in front of my feet so I’ll push her where she wants to go 

Botanical gardens

State parks

Museums

Art galleries

Listening to stories my grandparents tell

When people tell me about their life goals and dreams

Being surrounded by the people I love 

Living the best life I can

Partying hard the night away

Daydreaming

Sunflowers always make me smile

Warm tea

Big fluffy clouds in a blue sky

Friendly babies

Hearing a past favorite song

Singing karaoke 

Biking riding

Helping others

Chocolate milk

Sweets and fruits

Having fun doing things I love

Dragons

Video games

My favorite things

Writing

Affection

Exercising

Being on Tumblr

Pinterest

Looking at flowers and plants

Playing with my cats

Chatting with my friends (at the moment it’s through zoom, of course)

Finding new ways to decorate my room

Window shopping

Spending time with my boyfriend

Wearing my favorite outfit/accessory

Eating something delicious

The cool side of my pillow 

Tears of joy

Woodpeckers

Reading poems

Hugging trees

Tree houses

Airstreams/campers

Playing frisbee

Making sculptures

Puppy ears

The first day of spring

The first day of summer

Sending silly photos to my friends

Building sand castles

Winning prizes at the fair or arcade

Marbles

Cacti

Scrolling through my phone

Writing fanfiction

Seeing someone you haven't seen for a really long time

Putting together collages

Printing out photos I love

DIY projects

Sewing 

Crocheting 

Listening to steel drums

Haunted houses

Going through a corn maze

Picking fresh fruit or vegetables

Bubble tea

Starbucks

Dunkin donuts

Disneyland

Disney Princesses

Climbing trees

Finishing errands

Rewatching my favorite episodes

Scrunchies

Milkshakes

Ice cream blizzards

Listening to acoustic versions of songs

Hot tubs

Rubber ducks

Coconut flavored food

Dipping fries in ice cream

Discovering a new type of animal

Seeing hot air balloons

Frogs/toads

Splashing in puddles 

Having plants inside my house

Teddy bears

Iridescent/holographic things

Bird houses

Breakfast in bed

Crystals/gemstones

Ziplining 

Dew drops

Glow sticks

Flower crowns (especially handmade ones)

Spring rain 

Watching other people make art

Lighthouses

Finding heart shaped things in nature

Thinking of getting my own apartment

Coming up with a new recipe for food

Cookbook recipes passed down through families

Bookshelves

Making pretty yogurt bowls

Seaside houses

Flying on planes and being in/above the clouds

Flower bouquets

Looking at and learning about the planets

Fruit snacks

Palm trees

Weeping willow trees

Cherry blossoms

Eating cake

Decorating cakes with eccentric icing designs and colors

Whipped cream

Having snowball fights

Hearing Christmas music

Tattoos

Wearing rings

Green grass

A tidy organized desk with cute desk supplies

My craft room

Hammocks

Little cottages

Cotton candy (and cotton candy flavored things)

Looking at all the paint pallet colors in paint stores

Stamps

Taking silly photos in photobooths

Going to the mall

Making jam, especially strawberry jam

Reading outside

Finding a bird nest and watching eggs hatch

Looking at photos of my family and friends 

Finding old flora and art books

Eating fresh corn on the cob with butter on a summer day

Lily Pads

Icicles

Inner peace

Sitting under a tree

Not having to turn on the light in your room when the sun is shining through

When restaurants have patios you can dine at

Fishing on a pier

Seeing old couples in public

Making gifs

Trees swaying in the wind

Anime

Dying Easter eggs

Laying in the trunk of a car and watching the clouds or stars

Night lights

Flower shops 

Outer space

Kitchens

PB&J sandwiches

Toasted Cheese

LoFi music

Listening to/watching ambience videos

Turtle necks

Peaches

Looking at old maps

Figurines of the earth/globe

Honey and bees

Cheesecake

Seeing footprints in sand and watching them be washed away by waves

Anything related to the moon, stars, and sun

Reading my horoscope (even if I know it’s not real)

Archways decorated with hanging flowers

Yogurt

Pudding

Knowing that I’m not alone

Ancient roman sculptures

Macarons

When someone tells me they care about me

Weddings

Watercolour

Birthday parties 

My brother

My sister

When my dog leaves his bed to lay in the sunlight

Doing mini photoshoots with my friends

Hand making bracelets/necklaces (friendship bracelets)

When someone calls me darling or honey

Love letters

Game night

Skateboarding

Stress balls and squishy toys

Starting something I’ve been wanting to do for a long time

Playing cards

Doing puzzles

Word searches

Kittens

Ordering takeout

Stepping out into the fresh air

Creating vision boards

Getting a massage

Writing positive affirmations

Lunch dates

Standup comedy

Listening to classical music

Nature/animal documentaries

Having someone there to listen to me

Listening to someone when they need it

Accepting myself for who I am

Looking back and seeing how far I’ve come and all the progress I've made

Doing something my future self will be thankful for

Speaking up for myself

Being near loved ones

Finding time for my hobbies

Giving myself time to rest

Saturday mornings

Marrying the one I love

Discovering new things

Going to new cities

My idols

Pastries

Feeling the wind on my face on a car ride

The sensation of music in my ears and like nothing else matters

People who have my best interest in mind

Simplicity

Fulfilling my dreams

Discovering a new ice cream flavor

Knitting

Making myself a priority

Knowing that I am important, and I matter

Thank you all so much for following me and supporting my blog! It means a TON! I never expected for this blog to become popular, especially because I originally started it to help myself get through some mental health issues. I am so happy to be able to share my journey of healing with you all! It means the world to me to help or make a positive impact on even just one person’s life! Each and every single one of you is amazing!! You matter and you are SO important! Thanks again for your everything! Have a great day!!! Sending sunshine your way!! 

[jisungsmochi]

paint and cake - hrj

a little fluff imagine for renjun’s birthday!! <33 (lowkey don’t like the title ugh)

(p.s how cute is this gif of him? and the whole relay cam in general! it was def my inspo hehe) 

word count: 1.1k 

//

“renjunnnnn, y/n is here for you” jisung’s voice echoed throughout the dorms, startling you once he opened his mouth.

“you’ll wake the whole building” you scold him playfully as you entered the dorm. jisung led you to the kitchen where everyone else had gathered for breakfast. well everyone except the birthday boy.

“jisung, you idiot, renjun spent the night with his family, he’s gonna be back at like noon” chenle slapped the back of his friend’s head, causing the rest of you to burst into laughter.

“that’s perfect actually, i was hoping you guys would help me decorate his room for his birthday! i’m thinking of doing a small lunch and painting date with him. so we’ll have to be kicking you out, sorry jisung” you shot the younger boy a small smirk before rustling through your bag of decorations.

“it’s fine, i’m going to annoy chenle and daegal all day” jisung cheerfully gleamed, pulling chenle into side hug. you heard chenle scoff and mutter in annoyance, but he still agreed to help you nonetheless.

jeno and jaemin were busy blowing balloons, while you left chenle and jisung to hang the streamers, you were sure they were trustworthy enough to do so. but you were wrong, they couldn’t stop bickering every thirty seconds, so you shooed them off to the living room to keep daegal company.

“this is so cute, i’m sure renjun will love it” jaemin smiled, feeling proud of his work. you were setting up paintbrushes and small desserts on a small platter on renjun’s desk.

“thankyou guys for helping! i bought some snacks for you guys to share” you gave them each a slight hug as they rushed out of the room to ravage the snacks. you sat quietly on the floor of the room, waiting for renjun to arrive.

you had been dating for just over five months now, and this was the first birthday you would be spending together and the first surprise you had  planned for him. to say you were nervous was an understatement. you went above and beyond to ensure renjun would enjoy his special day.

you suddenly heard chattering and shuffling from outside the room.

“thanks for the birthday wishes guys! but i gotta call y/n, they didn’t wish me a happy birthday yet” renjun’s voice muttered from the other side of the door. you quietly snickered to yourself, hiding behind the door as he opened it. unfortunately, renjun pushed the door with a little too much force and ended up smacking you right in the face.

you let out a painful whine, startling the birthday boy. renjun immediately wrapped you in his arms, apologising over and over again. jaemin and jeno witnessed the entire situation, trying to hold back their laughter, before renjun shot them a glare. the two boys ran off, jaemin returning to hand you a pack of ice. you thanked him, letting renjun lead you to sit down on his bedroom floor.

“i’m so sorry, i didn’t know you were even here” renjun wouldn’t leave your side, he was quite literally glued to you.

“it’s okay, jun. i’ll be okay” you held the ice pack closely to your nose, wincing whenever you put too much pressure on it.

“in other news, happy birthday!” you gleefully exclaimed, but renjun wouldn’t budge. he felt guilty for hurting you, even if it was an accident.

you put down the ice pack, moving to hold his hand in yours. you took a deep sigh, moving closer to your boyfriend’s lips, placing a soft kiss onto them. renjun couldn’t help but smile into the kiss, his prior guilt washing away.

“everything okay now?” you mumbled, pecking him one more time. renjun just nodded, heat rising to his cheeks.

“i set this up for you today! we’re going to do some finger painting, or actually painting...it’s up to you. and we can eat some desserts i got from the local bakery. ooo and we can listen to this playlist i made for you!” you excitedly explained, not seeing how renjun was staring at you with the utmost adoration in his eyes.

“this is perfect. i’m so glad i get to spend the day with you, that‘s all i wanted” renjun reached over to grab one of the caramel tarts you had brought, taking a small bite from the delicious treat.

the next few hours was filled with laughter, some really bad singing and pure happiness. during your finger painting session, renjun ‘accidentally’ dabbed some paint on your nose. you scrunched your nose in annoyance,

“i’m sorry, but you look too cute right now” renjun slightly chuckled. you slowly shook your head, dabbing some paint on your index finger, reaching to swipe some on his cheek. renjun didn’t bother fighting back with you, wanting you to have the last word.

“hey guys, sorry to interrupt. but we bought renjun a cake, meet you both outside in ten, to blow the candles! happy birthday again dude” jeno informed you both before rushing to set up the candles, not trusting the two youngest members to be near a flame.

you and renjun quickly cleaned up, making yourselves look presentable atleast. renjun wrapped his arms around your waist, refusing to let you go as you walked into the kitchen. the rest of the boys just stared at you both,

“it’s quite sickening how cute you both are” chenle commented, causing everyone to abruptly start laughing, including you.

“you wish you had someone as good as y/n” renjun retorted, taking a seat at the end of the dining table. chenle only

frowned, jisung comforting him with a small pat on the back.

“okayyy, it’s cake time!” jaemin announced, placing the cake infront of renjun. you all broke into singing the birthday song, screaming at the top of your lungs.

“make a wish!” jisung cheered, as everyone’s eyes focused back on renjun. he slowly closed his eyes, clasping his hands together before blowing out the candles.

later that night, you were cuddling with renjun on the couch while everyone had retreated to their own rooms.

“what did you wish for?” you whispered, gently playing with the sleeves of your sweater.

“if i say it out loud it won’t come true” renjun teased, bringing you closer to him.

“come on, you can tell me! i’m sure telling one person won’t jeopardise it from coming true!” you practically begged, how was he supposed to resist?

“okay fine, only because it’s you” you shuffled to meet his eyes. “i wished for us to continue being happy together” your lips formed into a soft smile. he was cheesy at times, but you couldn’t held but gush.

“i love you” you mumbled, hiding your face in his neck. you felt renjun let out a soft chuckle, slowly moving his hand on your back.

“i love you too. thank you for making this day so special” he muttered as he placed a kiss on your forehead. you felt yourself drift to sleep in his arms, what a way to end the amazing day.

[oliviridian]

I find doing little journaling exercises on tumblr helpful because very few people read it but knowing someone has the capacity to read it makes it easier for me to write. I’ve spent a lot of time not being seen or being seen incorrectly or being told to take up less space and any time I want to take up space, I feel guilty about it. Here’s a small place where it doesn’t really matter what I say as much, it’s a little more distant. I’ve been simmering on some thoughts and I think getting them out of me will help. Two vignettes, not really related.

i.

I think being a trans woman is a little bit like belonging to a breed of “aggressive dog”. There are people who swear up and down they love us, that we’re uniquely wonderful in our own ways and that there’s a mountain of misinformation about us. They show you videos of their pit bull sitting on their lap, desperate and anxiously attached to a person they love and are so dedicated to. They show their pit bull gentle and soft with a baby, a cat, something small and dainty. I feel sometimes like that boxy headed, muscular, square dog that keeps you out of nice apartments. But I love pit bulls. I always have.

ii.

I have been losing a lot of things to memory lately and I am trying to reach my hands into the pool and drag a few things out. Exposure therapy. When I feel the discomfort of connection with the people who aren’t with me anymore I greet them like old friends instead of recoiling. It is a practice. I am not always good at it. Today was a hard one. I woke up feeling a little lonely and slow to get out of bed. I put on a playlist and climb into the shower, I begin to shave my legs. A song that I used to think belonged to the dead starts to play. I nick my leg but instead of rushing to silence it, I listen. What harm can come of listening to a song I’ve heard hundreds of times?

It is an elegy now, I realize I have never really listened to the words.

You were the only one I fancied you all I had left We knew it was true and instinctively left one another to mend our own holes in our chests in a dream we were pieces of ships we were attached from our feet to our hips and forgetting that icebergs were only the tips as we crashed I could read the relief on your lips

You never loved me the way I loved you because you couldn’t bear to be attached to anyone. You didn’t like what I was, who I was. You hoped I would be someone different. I hoped you would love me someday and I let you hurt me because I thought that hope was love. It’s so much easier without you. I feel so much more confident. I missed you a lot but when I look at my life without you all I feel is relief. But, this is a beautiful song and I grew in my time with you. You might have hurt me, might have made me feel so small and so awful but I became better while you didn’t really love me. I like who I am better after you than before you. I suppose I should thank you for that.

and our lives blended better than our bodies ever could in the days when we were made out of flesh or wood yeah we weren’t the same color though we knew that we could be we were ourselves but blended at the edges like it should be and now separated your color now shines on my sleeve with my parents, favorite teacher, first ever pen pal and me and the more that we share i guess the more that we grow and we all became tiny rainbows

I am trying not to strangle my happiness where it lays in it’s crib. I am trying to water it just enough. I am watching myself bloom with care and love from my friends, my family, new connections and old. I have more without you than I had with you. Letting you go let me bloom. We were never blended at the edges but I’m stained with some of your color. That’s okay, I like yellow. It’s an accent in a portrait I’m painting. You’re not a part of it and it’s better that way. I’m going to be myself and I’m not going to let anyone tell me to quiet it all ever again.

[hoe-doroki]

passing the night stars

banner by @dymphnasprose​

warning: reader has social anxiety

pairing: shinsou x reader (platonic or romantic)

genre: hurt/comfort

wc: 3.2k

summary: The party was neon and you needed darkness.

a/n: this is a gift for my SiL’s birthday today! To any astronomy nerds: I tried and I’m sorry.

edit: I no longer write x reader but here’s my old masterlist - mobile | desktop

There was something to be said about distance.

It was a buffer, quieting every voice, external and internal, until the only one left was that of the crickets singing over the lo-fi spilling out of the house behind you. You’d stepped away from the party long enough ago that the playlist had started over many songs back—you had no clue how many anymore. The distance turned the music’s thrumming into a quiet melody, the lyrics just as indistinguishable up close as here in the backyard, sitting on patio furniture that rocked lopsidedly in the grass.

Any filter would do, though. Anything that could soften the world just a little around its loud, coarse edges. The ice in your peach-flavored hurricane melting so that the drink was a little less saccharine. The rum casting a film over your mood, keeping your loneliness from dropping you into total dolor. The slight late-night breeze blowing the smoke from the fire pit away from you so that the acrid smell was stronger on the hood of your black sweatshirt than the air. It all muddled your emotions, numbing the buzzing overwhelm of the party to an anxious hum. The party had been neon, and out here you had a bit more darkness.

Without these buffers absorbing some of the furor, you might have escaped the party hours ago. Snuck out while the thing was still in full thrall, before social anxiety could hiss over your bones. Got out while you were ahead. Instead, you’d lasted as long as you could before out to the backyard with the near-dead fire, wracked with guilt at the prospect of leaving without saying goodbye, while too nervous to actually draw the attention to yourself necessary to actually say goodbye.

That wasn’t to say you hadn’t held up for a good while, though. You’d hung out with your friends when the fire had just gotten started and then when the party had moved indoors for drinking games and edibles. You’d hovered on the border as your friends grew more interested in dancing in drunken delay to the somniferous lo-fi beat than conversation. Then the itching had started in your brain, and before you knew it, you were out here, social battery drained dry, waiting for an indefinite future in which you could find the energy to escape.

You shivered as footsteps swiped through the grass, crickets chirping at the intruder.

“Did I surprise you?” Shinsou asked, his voice deep from booze or smoke or both. Or, maybe he was just tired, you figured, as the harsh light of the fire sharpened the bags under his eyes into dark creases.

“Breeze,” you mumbled, goosebumps rising on your wrists, standing the fine hairs on end. Only a few licks of heat from the pit were touching your knees, leaving the rest of you cold in your threadbare sweatshirt as the fire shrank smaller and smaller.

Shinsou had a blanket in his arms, ratty and certainly stolen from the back of the living room couch. He blinked at you for a second before he asked, “Can I join you?”

His voice was deadpan. Between the two of you, there was no real vocal inflection to speak of. Still, you shrugged one shoulder and said, “Sure.”

You stiffened when, instead of choosing one of the many other patio chairs or foldable camping chairs forming a friendly circle around the fire, he joined you on your bench, tossing a bit of blanket over your knees. You hardly realized you were staring at him until he said, “You’re cold, right?”

“Oh, yeah, a little,” you said, tucking your knees up to your chin and curling the scrap of blanket around your arms.

The blanket was raggedy in your hands, pilled on the hem, but warm from being indoors with all the dancing bodies. Plus, clinging onto it, running your thumb over the uneven texture gave you something to focus on instead of Shinsou’s body so close to yours.

Your senses were tingling, raw at having someone nearby again. It was too soon—you still didn’t have anything to say, no defense for why you’d dropped off from the party without a word.

But, on the other hand, being alone wasn’t fixing you either. Parts of your brain were still coiled taut as compression springs, and while they weren’t getting any tighter, they weren’t quite loosening yet either. It was rest, not recovery.

Abruptly—was it abrupt, or were you that zoned out?—Shinsou touched the back of his hand to yours, nearly making you flinch as he furrowed his brows at you. “How long have you been out here?” he asked, shifting towards you and pushing more of the blanket into your lap.

“Oh, um—” maybe a half an hour, maybe more, “—not that long.”

For that flash of contact, his skin had been hot against yours, so you could only imagine how cold your hands had felt to him. Your icy drink was probably mostly to blame, but you were also suddenly aware of how your shoulders were hunched nearly to your ears, your arms clenched to your sides like your chest might warm them. You piled the blanket a little more over your knees and one shoulder, only the hand holding your drink poking out.

“Hard being on the fringes,” he mused as he took a sip from a can. Possibly seltzer, probably beer.

You mirrored, tasting your own drink. It was really mostly water by now, though you were sure it was still painting your tongue orange.

Shinsou’s situation wasn’t much different than yours. Everyone in that house was old classmates. Shinsou was too, but he’d come late. Not too late to be friends, but late enough that it mattered. You were even later—not a classmate, but a post-high school roommate. You’d both landed on the side of Kaminari’s friend group, but neither of you were the core of it. The heart of it. That, for reasons you couldn’t quite understand, was Bakugou.

For some reason, you and Shinsou had never talked about this before.

“Hard being in a group big enough for there to be a fringe.”

Because, of course, it wasn’t just the Bakusquad here today. The majority of the old 3-A was here, those who weren’t on duty or suffering with early morning duty tomorrow. Enough people to certainly cause a ruckus and maybe a noise complaint that even pro heroes wouldn’t get out of.

“Touché”

The two of you fell into silence, and you couldn’t help but wonder exactly what had drawn Shinsou from the party. Even if he didn’t feel he was the most popular guy in the room, you’d seen the way he had the ability to talk to everyone. You weren’t sure if it was a product of his quirk or what, but he was able to start a conversation with everyone he met. He didn’t seem shy or anxious in the least.

Then again, that was just what he presented. You knew from that what you put forth in public wasn’t necessarily in line with what you were feeling.

It was hard to be the introvert around a group like yours. Worse—it was noticeable. This wasn’t the first time you’d stumbled away from a party, mind half gone not on alcohol or weed but on the sudden assault of attention, loud voices, and talk of hero work. Being one of the only non-heroes in the room was exhausting, and maybe that’s why you’d had to escape. Or maybe there never was a reason, good or otherwise, and you were just here because of your stupid self.

“Clear night,” Shinsou commented, “Don’t get to see much of the stars in the city.”

You looked up, a bright spot in the center of your vision from where you’d been staring into the fire. Almost everyone in your group lived in the city, not too far from each other, depending on your definition of the word. But those with quirks better suited outside the city, like Tsuyu and Koda, had moved out of town post graduation, granting the rest of you access to a night in the suburbs like this.

The truth was, you hardly looked up at the sky in the city. Tourists were always looking up, eyes glinting off the skyscrapers and billboards. But natives were always looking down, too aware of the fact that other natives didn’t always clean up after their dogs and, with so little grass, the sidewalk often needed a close eye kept to it.

But here, it was pretty. Not the smog-stained brown you were used to, but deep blue and twinkling with infinite pinpricks.

“Mm,” you hummed, taking another sip of your watery drink. “You’re right.”

“There’s Cassiopeia,” he said, pointing just over the tree line.

You followed his finger, unsure quite of what you were looking at. The stars hardly looked like clusters to you, especially on a night like this where you could see so many. It was more a broad network of them, either all connected or all individual. All the stars or just a star.

“You know constellations?” you asked, ears latching onto something that finally wasn’t hero related. Truth be told, you probably knew less about stars than you did about hero work but it was less alienating. You could lean into it.

“Some,” he offered. “Cassiopeia is a basic one.”

“Where is it?”

Shinsou glanced at you, leaning in closer so that his finger could match your gaze. You shoulders knocked and you could feel his wild hair against your own. His finger traced down and up, down and up in a cockeyed W. “Cassiopeia, mother of Andromeda.”

“She’s a woman?”

It was any wonder that ancient people had looked into the night sky and seen things like rams and bulls, creating a whole woman out of a few diagonal lines. Still, you listened to Shinsou, his low voice rumbling into your tired bones as he began.

“A beautiful woman,” he answered. “In Greek myth, she thought she was the most beautiful woman in the world. Her boastfulness made Poseidon angry, so he created a sea monster that Andromeda was sacrificed to. Andromeda was left to await her fate when Perseus, who had just killed Medusa, used Medusa’s head to turn the sea monster to stone. After saving Andromeda, the two of them got married, and when they died, they both became constellations alongside Cassiopeia.”

Shinsou’s voice was husky and even as he told the story. The cadences were easy drops, landing you softly before he started up again with his next thought. It was a voice you could be rocked by, a voice you could be held by.

“Do you know where they are too?”

“Just below,” Shinsou said. “Probably come up just in time for the sun to make them invisible.”

“That’s too bad,” you said, curling deeper into the blanket, curling so that on shoulder leaned more onto the bench than the other. You head was almost resting on Shinsou’s shoulder and you could feel his warmth radiating in the cold night. “How do you know all this?”

Shinsou was quiet for a second and your nerves spiked again. You hadn’t even felt them relax, but suddenly your anxiety was scratching again, wondering if you’d misspoke. Or maybe you’d whispered it and he just hadn’t heard you? Before you could decide whether to say it again or apologize, though, he let out a sigh that jostled the blanket.

“Jack of all trades, master of none,” he said by way of explanation.

You cocked your head. Perhaps it was just a good hobby for an insomniac, but you were unsure about the evasiveness. “Did you have to learn a lot for general studies? Or to get in to U.A.?”

“…Yeah.”

You could only imagine. U.A. was an incredibly competitive school for heroes, but that was a specialized course. For general studies you didn’t need to have the physical prowess or the other particular skills that came with heroics, but you had to be an ace in school. It was no small feat to get into general studies, especially while you were trying to pursue something else. You were satisfied with that, ready to let it go and return to the near silence of the crickets and the fire popping, when Shinsou suddenly continued.

“When it looked like my plans to become a hero wouldn’t pan out,” Shinsou began, his words slow, tired, “my parents encouraged me into any and all other interests. None stuck.”

“Oh,” you said quietly, the personal admission taking you aback.

For all the times you’d seen Shinsou talk effortlessly with people in a room, you weren’t sure how personal or vulnerable you’d ever seen him. He seemed comfortable enough probing other people, but this was new. It made the space between you suddenly seem private—so different from the party you’d escaped from. You could still hear the ambient noises of a couple dozen people in there having a good time, but it was suddenly a world away.

“I’m sorry, Shinsou,” you said, brows furrowing as you glanced his eyes, still gazing up at the stars. His parents had probably thought they were being supportive, but it wasn’t the support he’d desired.

“It is what it is,” he said. “It worked out in the end.”

There was the smallest smile on his face at that, barely betraying what must have been true joy at having a dream slip through his fingers only to fly back to him. And he’d earned every bit of it, even if he wanted to keep it to himself.

“So now,” you began softly, “you just have a lot of little things that you can offer people. The little things you could have been. That’s not so bad, right?”

“No, it’s not so bad,” he agreed. “I always liked that story.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” he said. “Japanese astronomy varies so much from region to region and is usually about more functional things. Harvest, seasons. But these other myths about people with no chance of being heroes becoming ones anyway…”

He trailed off, but the sentiment was there. Trapped in the things he’d done to try and leave heroism behind were little vestiges. The inescapable fact that he was meant to be a hero and would be one anyway, even if the world told him he was a villain, doomed for failure.

The stories had been true.

“Are you feeling better now?” he asked, surprising you.

“Feeling better?”

“You’d been out here for over an hour,” Shinsou stated. “Your eyes were glassy and distant and you were freezing and you didn’t seem to notice.”

“Oh,” you intoned. You hadn’t realized it had been that long. You were sure it had only been half that time.

“You don’t have to tell me anything,” he said. “I just wanted to make sure you were doing okay.”

“No, I’m fine,” you said truthfully. “I’m fine now.”

The anxiety from earlier that had been buzzing through you had kept you awake, all while thoroughly draining you. You’d hardly realized just how much until now, with your body not just feeling settled but heavy. The stress had run straight through you, and now you bore the fatigue.

Shinsou glanced down at you out of the corner of his eye. His brows raised and it lifted his whole face, making the dark circles under his eyes just a little less stark. “You look exhausted.”

“You always look exhausted,” you retorted, your first little grin curving along your lips.

In his surprise, Shinsou smiled too. “I know that. Here.”

Shinsou took your forgotten drink from your hand and set it down, then patted his shoulder.

“You should rest for a little while.”

Your eyes met his, searching for anything that looked like obligation or impatience. But there was none. Just a surprising amount of openness and a pretty shade of purple.

“Do you have more myths?”

Shinsou smiled and, once again, his gaze went up to the stars. As he started another tale, you snuggled onto his shoulder, the rest of your body drawing closer to his as well. He didn’t wait long to begin speaking, talking in more detail than he had before. There was no reason to be concerned that he might be boring you, or that you didn’t want to hear it. Really, these stories, these stars that had brought him even the tiniest speck of light were just what you needed too.

You weren’t sure when you fell asleep, and you weren’t sure when you woke up. But when you blinked your eyes awake, the first thing you noticed was that Cassiopeia hadn’t moved far. The second was the feeling of Shinsou’s head tilted against yours, his breath like gentle waves under you.

You shifted, signaling that you were awake, and Shinsou did too, his head lifting from yours. At some point, his arm had wrapped around you, encasing you in his warmth. He didn’t move it, not yet, as your body creaked and you forced yourself to sit up.

“How long?” you murmured, voice barely raspy with sleep.

“Not that long,” Shinsou answered, echoing your reply from earlier.

He didn’t look at his phone or a watch, and hadn’t since he’d come out, so you wondered if he had any clue. Or if it simply hadn’t felt long. Somehow, the idea that his time spent with you hadn’t felt long was a comfort, a relief.

“How are you feeling?”

You checked in, feeling that grogginess that always came in the wake of an intense mental episode. Your brain struggling to catch up and survey the backlash from its earlier antics. That would go away. It always did. “I’m good.”

Shinsou continued to look at you, switching between each eye, double checking your expression for any lie. But he must not have found any, for he leaned back into the bench and relaxed, that tiny ghost of a smile back on his face.

“I’m glad to hear that,” he said, gazing out again. “You out here alone before? It had been…well, we were…I wanted to check on you.”

For the first time, Shinsou looked almost a little shy, and you couldn’t help but smile, touched. You put a hand on the shoulder that had just taken your weight and brought his gaze back to you. “Thank you.”

There actually was one thing you knew about stars. You’d heard that every light year a star was away from you was a year into the past you were seeing its light. Looking at the stars was looking millions of years into the past. Despite the fact that these selfsame stars connected you to humans around the world today and those of old, that filter of distance and time rendered them ancient, if not already gone.

But as you looked at Shinsou, their soft, silvery starlight illuminating one side while the last dancing coals of the fire glowed on the other, you were sure that this was the opposite. This wasn’t old or past or known to anyone but the two of you. This wasn’t the stars or even the stories inspired by them.

This was just beginning.

[waitimcomingtoo]

Where We Start Again - 7

Pairing: Peter Parker x Reader

Synopsis: how do you fake date someone you have real feelings for?

Series Masterlist and Regular Masterlist

Playlist by @tiny-friggin-human

“Peter! Y/n’s here!”

Peter gave himself one last look in the mirror and let out a nervous breath. He fixed his tie, put it back to its original position, and then fixed it again. He ran his fingers through his hair one final time and left his room.

Peters legs carried him to the front door where you stood next to May. He had already seen your dress, but it took his breath away nonetheless. Your hair was in lose curls that framed your face like the worlds prettiest painting. You looked away from May and made eye contact with Peter, giving him a fond smile.

“You look incredible.” Peter laughed shyly and gave you an awkward thumbs up. “You look like how poetry sounds. Like, you are the most beautiful stanza my life has written.”

“You don’t look so bad yourself.” You shot back. Peter stared at you in adoration until May cleared her throat.

“Oh, right.” He looked down the at corsage in his hands and held it out to you. “This is for you.”

You took the corsage from Peter and smiled gratefully. Through the plastic box, you could see a corsage of daises held together by a florescent wrist band.

“It’s um, daises…for my daisy.”

“I thought your name was Y/n?” May whispered in your ear.

“It is.” You told her. “It’s his nickname for me.”

“Aw.” She gushed and looked to Peter. “I love that. Okay, get together.”

You and Peter spent the next ten minutes in various poses while May snapped pictures. Peter could sense some distance between the two of you and he wondered if something was bothering you. Not wanting to ruin the dance for you, he didn’t bring it up.

“Okay, we’re going now May. Don’t wait up.” Peter kissed his aunts cheek before ushering you out the door.

“Are you ready?” Peter asked once you got in the elevator.

“How bad is this gonna mess up my hair?” You whined and smoothed your hair down.

“Baby girl, this is going to give you that beautiful, windswept look that all the girls will be jealous of.” Peter explained as you steppes off the elevator and onto tour roof.

“You know, most girls get a limo.” You pointed out.

“Yeah well,” Peter wrapped his arm around your waist and held you tightly, “most girls aren’t dating Spider-Man.”

You cracked a smile before you booth dove off the building and swung to prom.

~

Since neither you or Peter were big dancers, you took a seat on the bleachers and just talked while the rest of the class had fun. He could tell you were reserved tonight, not taking his hand or showing affection like you normally would. He figured it was probably since today was the last day of your fake relationship. That told him that it was just pretend for you, and you were through pretending. Anything MJ or Ned told him about you liking him back want true, and he just had to accept that.

A sadness began to sink into Peter as he realized this would be the last time he could call you his girlfriend or be with you in this way. It was taking away his ability to enjoy the dance and all he could do was hope you couldn’t tell.

“I’ll be right back. I just want to make sure the DJ got my updated playlist.” You squeezed Peters arm and got off the bleachers.

“I’ll be here.” He told you and you gave him a tight smile before leaving.

Once you were out of earshot, Peter let out a loud sigh. It was all too much. You looked too beautiful and he was going to miss you too much. Now that he had gotten everything he ever wanted, he felt listless and empty. Ned noticed his best friends glum face and brought him a cup of punch. Peter gratefully accepted the punch and scooted over something Ned could sit.

“Why do you look so miserable? You’re at the school dance with Y/n L/n.” Ned shook his arm anxiously. “This is our peak, Peter. It’s all downhill from here.”

“Because it all ends after tonight. She’s not gonna be my fake girlfriend anymore. We won’t have an excuse to hang out.” Peter mumbled as he dug his shoe into the floor.

“I thought we were gonna get the gross sandwich every year?” Ned reminded him.

“I doubt it. She’s gonna graduate and go off to do amazing things and forget all about me. And even if we do keep the tradition, that’s one day a year where I’ll have to listen to her talk about how everyone at college loves her because how could they not and I’ll just have to sit there and pretend I’m not in love with her.” Peter shrugged sadly. “She has the world at her fingertips, Ned. She’s gonna be over me by tomorrow and I’m gonna be crying in a bar on my 29th birthday party about how I let her get away while a Coldplay song plays.”

“Hauntingly specific.” Ned muttered.

“I lied to you.” Peter looked at him. “I knew what this was and I still got hurt.”

“Peter, don’t smile because it happened. Cry because it’s over.” Ned said sympathetically. Peter stared at him for a while and ultimately decided not to tell Ned that he messed up the saying.

“Hey, Peter.” Flash nodded at the boys as he approached them. “Hey Justin. Could you give us a minute?”

“Justin?” Ned whispered to himself before walking away. Flash patted him on the back and took a seat next to Peter.

“I think that’s the first time you ever called me by my real name.” Peter chuckled humorlessly as he watched you from across the gym.

“Your girlfriend kinda ruined Penis Parker for me.” Flash told him. “Every time I think about it, my mind goes to terrifying places. I couldn’t sleep for a week.”

“Yeah, she has that affect on people.” Peter smiled to himself.

“I’m not dumb.” Flash said suddenly. “I act dumb and say dumb things, but I’m third in the class. It goes Y/n, you, and me.”

“I never knew that.” Peter looked at him curiously. “I honestly didn’t think you could read.”

“Well I can. Books and people. And I’ve been reading your girlfriend for a while.” Flash said pointedly. Every time he called you his girlfriend, it cut Peter like a knife. All it did was remind him that after tonight, he could never call you that again.

“What do you mean?”

“I know it was fake.” Flash admitted and Peters eyes went wide. “There was no way you started going out with that girl and didn’t tell anybody. I only played along because I wanted to see how far it would go. I wondered how the smartest girl in school was gonna figure out how to get out of going to a dance she planned with a total loser. I thought she was gonna back down after a day, but she just got stronger. It’s like when you spray a bug with Raid and it comes back at you with a vengeance.” Flash shuddered. “That’s what she did. I heard MJ and Ned talking about it in English. They said you guys went dress shopping together, baked cookies together, stuff like that. And she learned to play your favorite song or something?”

“Yeah.” Peter smiled at the memory. “She did.”

“That’s what I mean. That’s not fake. Maybe the first day was about proving a point to me, but all the other days weren’t.” Flash explained. “I doubt I crossed her mind once in the past two weeks. She wasn’t doing it for me. She was doing it for you.”

Peters face twisted in confusion at Flash’s words.

“But this was her idea.” Peter told him. “I gave her a million chances to back out but she insisted on faking a relationship.”

“Listen Peter, no one saw this coming. Least of all, her. By some God, she fell in love with you for real. Everyone can see that but you.” Flash clapped Peter on the back. “She’s happier, she laughs louder, she even wears your hoodie when you’re not around. I live in her building, dude. I see her getting her mail every morning in that thing. I think she sleeps in it.”

“Really?” Peters lips curved into a smile.

“Yes, dumbass.” Flash grunted. “This isn’t fake for her. You stumbled into some teen movie plot where the hot girl falls in love with the nerd and they defy all odds and end up together. I mean, look around Peter. You are at the senior dance with the girl every boy in our class wanted to go with. She could have had any of these dumbasses but she picked the biggest dumbass of all. She picked you. And instead of going out there and enjoying the dance with her, you’re over here sulking about how she’ll never like you back.”

“You’re also over here sulking.” Peter reminded him.

“That’s just my face.” Flash snapped and went quiet for a moment. “You know she got into Harvard?”

“What?” Peter practically yelled. You had definitely not told him about that.

“Yeah. Like I said, I see her at the mailbox. I saw her open the letter.” Flash continued. “I also eavesdropped on her conversation with MJ about getting in.”

“What did she say? And why didn’t she tell me?” Peter wondered out loud.

“She said she’s not going.” Flash shrugged.

“What? Why not? That’s her dream school.” Peter exclaimed. He was frustrated now. Frustrated that you hadn’t told him and frustrated that you were trying to turn it down.

“Are you really that dumb?” Flash asked in annoyance.

“Apparently.” Peter stated, still not getting it.

“She’s not going because of you, you incel.” Flash said abruptly. “I heard her tell MJ that you were staying in New York for college and she didn’t want to leave you.”

“She’s staying for me?” Peter asked, mostly to himself.

“Yep.” Flash nodded gratuitously. “Apparently she’s not as smart as she seems.”

Peters shoulders slumped as he mulled over what Flash told him.

“She can’t throw away her life like this. Not for me.” He shook his head decidedly. “I could never make her happy.”

“Well, that’s a given, no?” Flash asked him. “You’re not good enough for her. And not even on a popular versus non popular spectrum. She is an angel among us and you build Lego lamps and smell like baby oil. You’re a loser, Peter. You are always going to be a loser.” Flash put his hand on Peters back and pointed to you. “But a girl like that is going places. And now she’s giving up her dream school for a guy she’s known for two weeks. Do you really want to be the thing that holds her back?”

Peter thought about it for a second and shook his head. Flash was right. Just like MJ, he wasn’t trying to be mean. Peter was a loser. In that moment as you gave him a flirty wave from across the gym, he knew he loved you too much to let you waste your life on him.

“No, I don’t.” He realized. “I can’t let her do that. I have to let her go.”

“If you do, can you tell me? I wanna be her rebound.” Flash rubbed his hands together as he stared at you.

“Sure.” Peter stood you and realized what Flash said. “I mean, no. Ew.”

Peter was about to walk away when he turned back around to look at Flash.

“Hey Flash?”

“What?” He grumbled.

“Thanks.” Peter smiled. “Third in the class is really cool.”

With that, Peter pushed his way through the student body to get to you. He had decided to break things off after the dance, rather than during. You worked so hard planning it and he wasn’t about to be the jerk that ruined it for you. The way your eyes lit up as Peter made his way to you killed him inside. He could barely stand to look at you, knowing what he was gonna have to do later that night.

“Hey daisy.” He gave you a tight smile. Now that he was closer, he could see you were upset about something. He began to fear that someone had told you about the conversation he had with Flash.

“Hi Peter.” You smiled sadly.

“What’s wrong?”

“I put real beta fish in the centerpieces because I wanted this dance to be elegant and creative but the fish keep dying so everyone has dead fish on their table and it’s disgusting and Stacy the vegan started crying and I ruined the dance.” You said all in one breath, punctuating your rant by resting your forehead against Peters shoulder. He instinctively wrapped his arms around you and rubbed your back.

“Hey hey hey, the dance isn’t ruined.” He assured you and pulled away so he could look at you. “I’ll get Ned to get rid of the centerpieces and then the problem will be gone. I have a feeling he’s going to love this task.”

“This is all my fault.” You whimpered. “This is what I get for buying 200 fish off a guy who swiped my credit card through a crack between two bricks. I’m such a bad business mogul. I’m never gonna be on the cover of Forbes magazine.” You began to cry and buried your face in Peters chest again.

“Daisy, it’s okay.” He chuckled and got the hair out of your face. “Forbes is still gonna put you on the cover. And I’m gonna buy every copy and tell everyone I know that that was my fake girlfriend in high school. You haven’t ruined anything. Everyone is enjoying the dance, see?”

You lifted your head of Peters chest to look around the dance floor. Your senior class was laughing, dancing, and all round having a good time.

“You think so?” You looked at Peter tearfully.

“Absolutely.” He smiled sweetly. “I’ve had a bunch of people come up to me and tell me my girlfriend planned an awesome dance. Everyone is having a great time.”

“Thanks, Peter.” You hugged him again and he could feel your body relax.

“I’m gonna go tell Ned to take care of the fish. Stay here.” He ordered and left to find Ned. Luckily, he spotted Ned gaping at one of the centerpieces close by.

“Dude, these fish are dead.” Ned said as Peter approached him.

“I know and it’s really bumming Y/n out.” Peter told him. “I need you to collect all the center pieces and throw them out. But check if the fish are alive first.”

“I was put on this planet to complete this task.” Ned grinned and saluted Peter.

“I know buddy.” Peter saluted him back and turned on his heel to go back to you.

“Wait, what do I do with the alive ones?” Ned asked.

“Save them for us, obviously.”

“Hell yeah.” Ned pumped his fist. “Okay, I’ll get on it.”

Peter smiled in relief and went back over to where you were.

“Your centerpieces are taken care of, my lady.” Peter declared, making you smile widely.

“Thank you.” You gushed. “I’ll have to thank Ned too. He’s doing it so fast, it’s like he’s done it before.”

“The scary part is, I feel like Ned would be the type of person to have collected tiny fish corpses during a school dance before.” Peter said as he watched his best friend steal fish from decorative centerpieces.

“You two are really something.” You laughed and took one of Peters hands. He held your hand with both of his and patted it gently.

“Yeah.” He laughed before his eyes shifted to the right. “Flash is staring at us.”

“Then let’s give him something to stare at.” You shrugged and dragged Peter to the middle of the dance floor. He gulped, having a feeling where you were going with this.

“I don’t really know how to dance.” He told you once you got to the center.

“Then I’ll lead. Just put your hands on my hips and sway.” You instructed Peter and he complied. “And hold tight. We’re dating, after all.”

“Like this?” Peter held your hips firmly and looked to you for approval.

“That’s perfect.” You smiled and wrapped your arms around his neck. “Come closer, though.”

Peter stepped closer so your bodies were pressed together. You and Peter kept in time with the song and swayed softly to the music. Peter couldn’t get over how pretty you looked in your dress. He was sure the sight of your standing in his doorway was one he would never forget. You looked absolutely enchanting and it made his heart swell and burst. The past two weeks of getting to know you were a dream come true for him, and it killed him that the dream was about to end. And he just hated that he had to break your heart.

“I’m sorry you have to spend your senior dance with me.” Peter said suddenly. “I’m sure this wasn’t a part of the plan when you stood up for me in the hallway.”

“It wasn’t, but it worked out.” You shrugged. “I was gonna ask you to the dance anyway.”

“Really? Why?”

“Because you were taking too long to ask me.” You mocked him. Peter smiled timidly and looked down at his shoes.

“I was a little busy fighting off the hundreds of girls competing for my attention with a longsword.” He said apologetically.

“Ha ha.” You laughed sarcastically. “They better know to stay away from my man.”

“I’m kidding. You have absolutely no competition, in a hot way.” He added. “I don’t think girls can even see me. Like, their brain blocks me out. And two week ago, I didn’t have the courage to say “bless you” after you sneezed. I never could’ve asked you to the dance.“

“Can you stop that?” You looked at him angrily.

“Stop what?” He asked.

“Belittling yourself.” You answered. “You’re a really, really good guy Pete. You’re sweet and you’re funny and super ripped for some reason. How come you’ve never had a girlfriend?”

“I don’t know. Girls don’t really go for the winner of the science fair. I’m not what they want.”

“Then they’re stupid. No wonder I’m number one in the class.” You smiled smugly and brushed some hair off your shoulder.

“What about you? Why don’t you have a boyfriend?” He wondered. “And I know for a fact your excuse is not the same as mine, so don’t even try it. I’ve seen boys break up with their girlfriends just because you walked by.”

“Those boys don’t want me.” You shook your head and readjusted your arms around Peters neck. “They want the most popular girl in school. They’re looking for status and a good parking spot and a seat at the cool kids table. If I wasn’t popular, they would never look my way.”

“Yeah. I hear boys hate it when girls are pretty.” Peter nodded like he understood.

“Shut up. I’m being serious.” You whined. You got quiet suddenly and refused to meet Peters eyes as you stared at the ground. “Do you ever feel unlovable?”

“Sometimes. Or hard to love, at least.” He answered honestly and looked at you out of curiosity. “Do you?”

You looked up at Peter with a pained look in your eye.

“I look in the mirror sometimes and I have to wonder, is this it?” You whispered. “And if it is, how is this gonna be enough for someone? How is someone going to love this? If you’re in a room full of beautiful flowers in full bloom, no ones gonna pick a daisy.”

“Don’t say that. Someone would.” Peter tightened his grip on your waist, angry that you would say something like that about the girl he loved. You looked at Peter and smiled a little.

“Being with you is the first time I’ve felt like someone could love me.” You spoke softly. “And it’s the first time I’ve felt like I could lo-“

“Don’t say it.” Peter cut you off. If you said what he thought you were about to say, he would never be able to let you go. It was hard enough already to leave you. If he knew you loved him, he coudk never bring himself to do it. Your face went pale and rigid, thinking Peter cut you off because he was rejecting you once again.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything.” You let go of Peter, all the emotions from the night before hitting you once again. “I have to go.”

You began to walk away from Peter but he grabbed your arm gently and turned you around.

“Daisy, wait.” He stopped you and held you in place. His mind was a battlefield. He knew he had to let you go, but it killed him inside to do it. He just needed one last chance to look at you.

“What are we doing here, Peter?” You laughed sadly. “We said this ends with the dance. Just let me go.”

You broke out of his grip and started walking away away.

“I can’t. Not when I - - just please don’t leave.” He pleaded. Before you could respond, a familiar song played through the speakers. “Hey There Delilah.” Peter mumbled as the bass vibrated in his chest.

“I made the playlist.” You shrugged. “I really have to go. Say So is next and if I see Ned doing that dance one more time…” Your voice cracked before you turned away from him and ran out of the gym, shoving the doors open and escaping through them. Peter watched you leave as he wondered what went wrong so quickly. He knew you well enough by now to know something even bigger was bothering you, he just couldn’t figure out what. He ran after you and caught up to you in the parking lot.

“Daisy - daisy wait.” He called but you kept running. “Will you stop? How do you run so fast in heels?”

“Go away, Peter.” You spun around and he could see the tears in your eyes. You held yourself for a moment as the cold air hit your exposed arms, still warm from the dance.

“No. I’m not gonna go away until you tell me what’s bothering you.” Peter declared. “What happened back there?”

“Why don’t you want me?” You cried before Peter could finish his sentence. He recoiled a little, completely taken aback by your question.

“What?”

“Why don’t you want me?” You repeated, black tears now streaming down your cheeks.

“Of course I want you. You’re the one who doesn’t want me.” He protested. That’s what he had told himself every second of this fake relationship. That’s what he had to cling to if he was gonna do this.

“Are you kidding me?” You shouted and laughed at the absurdity. “What’s not clicking?”

Peter licked his lips and looked you firmly in the eyes. He couldn’t let you tell him that you loved him. That would only make this harder. If he was going to let you go, he was going to have to do it now.

“What’s not clicking is that you’re delusional. You think you like me? You think you want nerdy friends and baking dates? You don’t.” He snapped. “You live a charmed life! You’re surrounded by people who worship you and you act like that’s a bad thing. You wanna shit on your fake friends and their fake parties, well fine.” Peter held up his hands. “But I don’t want any part of it. Because who are we fooling here, honestly? Let’s not pretend that a girl like you would ever be interested in a guy like me.”

“A girl like me?” You asked through gritted teeth. His behavior was so out of character for him that you almost didn’t believe was you were hearing. Peter could tell from the look on your face that he was hurting you, but he couldn’t let up. He had to destroy the home you built in him so you wouldn’t want to stay anymore.

“A popular girl!” He yelled in a mocking tone. “A popular, pretty girl who has no business hanging out with losers like me and Ned.”

“I like hanging out with you and Ned.” You protested.

“Why? Because you want to be different? Because you want to prove to yourself that your heart is made of gold because you fell in love with a nerd during a fake relationship” he pouted sarcastically and you started to cry again. “Guess what, Y/n? You didn’t fall in love with me. You were never going to fall in love with me.” His voice cracked and he wondered briefly who his words hurt more. “You said it yourself. You’re the deity and I’m just the hopeless loser who fell for you. What a wonderful world.”

“What happened to you? I thought you were different.” You sniffled and folded your arms. It was a miracle you hadn’t walked away yet, so Peter had to keep going.

“Well, I’m not. I’m exactly like everyone else. Did you think I was interested in you because you paint and play the guitar?” He laughed bitterly. “No. I liked you because you’re hot and popular, and I wanted to be hot and popular like you. The sooner you accept that you’ll never be more than a pretty face, you’ll find that happiness you’re so desperate to achieve. You know, the one you’ve been looking for in me? Look at yourself. You act all high and mighty, claiming that everyone wants something from you, but let’s face it, daisy. No ones ever gonna want anything more from you than a smile.”

“That’s not true.” You said weakly. Peter began to tear up at how horribly he was treating you, but he pushed through it.

“Isn’t it?” He tilted his head. “You think you’re unloveable? You know what, you probably are.”

“How could you say that to me? This isn’t you.” You spat and took a step away from you. This was a good sign for Peter. He was finally driving you away.

“This is me. This is everybody. Out here, people are gonna pick your daisies and rip the petals off while you watch. But this is what you chose, isn’t it?” He taunted. “Do you still want to join me and the rest of the island of misfit toys or do you want to go back inside and enjoy your dance with your pretty, popular friends? The choice is yours.”

You marched up to Peter and got incredibly close to his close, staring at him with clear eyes.

“The choice was mine and I picked you.” You stated. “I know this relationship started out as fake, but my feelings for you have always been real. I thought you felt the same but then I kissed you and you - - you rejected me!” Your face scrunched up in pain and Peter finally understood where you outburst came from. “I’ve been trying to act like everything’s fine for your sake when it’s not. But maybe that was a waste. Maybe you deserved to know how shitty I was feeling because you certainly didn’t hold back on me.”

You backed away from Peter and started towards the parking lot while Peter processed what you said. You had just confirmed what he never thought would be true.

You liked him.

No, you loved him.

And he had just obliterated any chance he had with you.

All your trust, feelings, and friendship was laid to waste by Peters hands.

Hearing it from you removed the cloud from his brain and he could finally see how stupid his plan was. Being mean to you to get you to leave him for Harvard might work, but it would hurt all parties in the process. You’d go back to where you started, only more broken than Peter had found you. He couldn’t let his first relationship, be it real or fake, end like this.

“Daisy.” He called as he ran after you. You turned around with a searing anger in your eyes.

“You don’t get to call me that anymore. Peter got to call me that but this”, you gestured right him weakly, “this isn’t Peter. I want no part of this.”

“Please, I’m so sorry. I wasn’t thinking.” He begged for your forgiveness, which he already knew he didn’t deserve.

“No, I know what you were thinking.” You stopped him. “You were scared because this got too real for you and thought if you ruined it before it even happened, you couldn’t ruin it later when it actually mattered.”

“That’s actually better than my reasoning and now that I think about it, that was definitely a factor.” Peter realized how right you were. He knew he didn’t deserve you so he sabotaged it before it could happen.

“I was scared too, Peter. But instead of running away from the unknown, I ran towards it. I guess you just don’t have that in you.” You shrugged and he felt your words chill him to the bone.

“Wait, just let me explain-“

“I loved you.” You cut him off and the blood drained from his face. “For what it’s worth, I absolutely loved you. It was never fake for me. I’m so sick of pretending.”

And with that, you walked away.

“Y/n, wait.” He called weakly, but he knew you weren’t gonna come back. He got what he wanted. He drove you away, just like he planned. But if that was the goal, why did he feel so awful inside?

“But I was never pretending.” He mumbled.

Tag List 🏷

@a-villain-vying-for-attention @wendaiii @dorbiksbitch @t-monosapiens-h @badhollandfluff @silteplaittais-toi @thisisthebiplace @seasidecrowbar @spideygirl2003 @5-seconds-of-mendes @bitchylittleredhead @oh-whatabeautiful-parker @everydaymj @write-from-the-heart @blackpetalsmeandeath @electraheart-3174 @shawni-h @peterparkoure @sleepythighsweat @steebbb @traveleraroundsworld @averyfosterthoughts @bralessandflawless @viwihere @eridanuswave @the-greatt-perhaps​ @spidey-lillies @kelieah @danicarosaline @xroselights @xoxohollands​ @jannine00742 @itscaminow @peterisinapickle @starstruckgardenstudentzonk @danicarosaline @potter-head-phanatic @peepeeparkerr @muade-mua-de @liljennyx3

[erensonly]

Cuddle Buddies (Bakugou x Black! Reader)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

                                   ~Chapter 7: Date~

0, 1, 2 ,3, 4, 5,6, 6.2

.

.

.

.

.

.

(don't play the song yet 👩🏿‍🌾)

Waking up on a Saturday without music playing is truly a blessing(iykyk). After brushing your teeth and washing your face, you walk downstairs and you see mama on the phone.

"-es, I understand. Thanks for letting me know... Keep me updated."

"Who was that?" Startled, she turned around ready to hit somebody. "Don't scare me no more. Anyway, that was the principal, he said that you would need to move in the dorms by Monday because those damn villains are active again."

"Don't nobody wanna be there. I wanna be at home," you groaned. Plating your breakfast, you sit down and grab your phone, seeing a text from Bakugou asking if you wanted to go out later. Accepting his offer, you finish your food and go to get your morning routine started.

(this is your hair and outfit, don't like it then you can change it)

Walking downstairs, you got to find mama to tell her you're going out. "MAMA!" Walking towards her room, you knock on the door before opening it, just to let her know you're coming in.

"Now why are you yelling in my damn house?" she questions. oops... "My bad. Anyway, I'm going with out with Bakugou. I'll be back later, k?" Turning to walk away, you hear, "That's your man, ain't it?"

"Huh?" Is that really how it looks? That ain't my man... yet. "Girl you heard me. Is that your man?" This is mad awkward. How do I explain that that's my man but not formally my man but still my man?

"Um... Not yet I guess."

"And why not?" Dang, she do be nosy🖐🏽

"Because he ain't asked yet."

"Mhm.." she said looking at you like she knew better (y'all know that look you give when somebody lying) "Alright. See you later."

Big Head🐥 i'm ready

                                                     Bakuboy💥                                                      around the corner

Walking outside, you see a car pull around. Rolling down the window, you see Bakugou. "Get in!" Opening the door, you get in the well polished car.

"Hey-"

"What do you want to eat?" No hi, hello, how are you? just straight to the point I guess.

"I don't know... you pick." (if somebody asked me what i wanted to eat i will stay silent🖐🏽 ain't nobody eating then)

"Wings it is."

"Gimme your phone," you told him. "Why? Tryna look through my search history?"

"Um... no. Don't nobody care what you do in your spare time. Now gimme it" Handing you his phone, you go to spotify and click on a random playlist. Dmx Aaliyah Tupac Biggie King Von & more

"You got taste or whatever," you complimented.

"Duh look at me. Obviously I have taste." Here this cocky nigga go.

(play song now)

"Just say 'Thank you' and go," you rolled your eyes. Playing 'I Need A Girl' by Diddy (y'all don't know nun bout that) you start to sing along quietly.

I need a girl to ride ride ride I need a girl to make my wife I need a girl who's mine, all mine I need a girl in my life

As you start to rap along you hear Bakugou quietly rap along. Smiling at him, you turn the music up.

Yo, I'm internationally known on the microphone I got it all I really need a wife at home

Turning it up more, you both got louder. Enjoying yourselves and each other. This was something you craved. Having fun with someone you were close to and had a great relationship with.

Looking over, you see Bakugou glancing at you while singing the song. Glancing back, you smile at him and continuing to sing to him, him singing back.

Need a girl that can stand me, raise me a family Go from trips to Delancey to trips to the grammys

"What you know about this?" You we're still shocked that he had music taste like this. He looked like he listened to one Nba Youngboy song and called himself a gangster. ( tell me i'm wrong)

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

Finally at Buffalo Wild Wings, you both step out of the car. Starting to walk towards the door, Bakugou entwined your pinkies together.

"What do you want to eat?"

"Hot wings and fries. What do you want?" you said, putting emphasis on 'you.'

"The same thing. Wanna split a 20 piece?" What type of stupid question is that? "Duh."

Waving over a waitress, Bakugou starts to order for the both of you. "Good afternoon, my name is CeCe and I'll be serving you today! What would you like?"

Noticing that she hasn't taken her eyes off of Bakugou since you both had walked in, you grabbed his hand and started to play with his fingers.

"Can we get a 20 piece hot wings and fries? You want f/d right?" nodding, you continue to play with his rings, "and a Coke."

"Ok," she 'subtly' brushed her painted nails on his shoulder, "I'll have that right out for you." Walking away, she turned back and glared at you. Glaring back, you flick her off.

"She being mad annoying already and we just got here," you complained.

"Tell me about it. She touch me again Imma blow this whole damn place down," he rolled his eyes. Grabbing you hand, he starts to play with your fingers as well.

"Where was Mama at?"

"Boy that ain't yo mama. And she was minding her business. Why?"

"I want her to cook for me," he said matter of factly.

"Why are you acting like you've been knowing her your whole life?" you asked, laughing at him.

"Because I can. She obviously liked me when I met her."

"Oh my god," you laughed, " what do you want her to cook for your oh so fancy pallet?"

"Surprise me."

"You gotta try soul food," you gushed, " it's so good on holidays especially."

"Here you are," the waitress said cheerfully. "Anything else for you?" she asked, only looking at Bakugou.

"No, we don't want anything else," you interrupted.

"I wasn't asking you."

"But I answered. Do we have a problem?" Who does she think she is? Imma need her to stop coming for my man.

"I said I wasn't talking to yo-"

"Listen, I suggest you back the hell off my girl before she lays yo stupid ass out, K?" he interrupted.

His girl? I like the sound of that

She huffed and walked off, obviously annoyed she couldn't keep flirting with him.

He started to eat, but you was still stuck on the 'my girl' thing.

"I'm your girl now, huh?"

Looking up at you, he wiped his mouth, "You should know this by now."

"Like I told you, you haven't asked."

"Whatever."

Continuing to eat and bicker, you both just enjoyed each other's company.

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

After finishing the food and paying, you start to walk towards the car, him following behind you. Trying to open the door, you feel your hand get pulled and now your back it against the door.

Pinning you to the car, he leans in closer to you. "You're my girl, got it?"

Being bratty, you decide to test him a bit. "Nope. You haven't asked."

"Fine... Will you finally be mine?" That was straightforward. Don't really know what I expected though.

"... I guess," you said, sheepishly smiling. "Took you long enough."

"Shut up," he said leaning in.

Slowly entwining lips. Lips soft and lush against each other's. The kiss getting hot, he grabs your waist, pulling you closer. You more both trying to get closer to each other, if possible.

Trying to deepen the kiss, he started to slip his tongue in, again trying to pull you closer as if you would just disappear. Wrapping your arms around his neck, you too start to deepen the kiss.

After a while, you start to pull away, still slightly pecking his lips.

"Let's go-" more kisses. "We can't be-" more kisses. "-in front of everyone like this-" more kisses. Pushing him away slightly, you peck his lips one more time and push him off fully.

Getting in the car, you shuffle his playlist, quietly singing along. He put his hand on your thigh, lightly rubbing.

Leaning your head on the window, you start to doze  off little by little. Finally asleep, Bakugou turns the music down slightly and continues to drive you home.

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

"Baby, get up." You felt someone trying to shake you awake. "Move," you groaned, trying to slap away the hands shaking you.

"Ugh." Bakugou got out the car, going to your side. Opening your door, he grabs you out of the car, you wrapping your legs around his waist. Walking up the steps he knocked on the door.

"Who is it!" He saw your mother open the door. "I- did that damn girl fall asleep? Here, her room is upstairs to the right."

In your room, he noticed the posters and other decor around the room. Definitely her style. he thought.

Setting you down on the bed, he took your shoes and socks off, he put your head on the pillow.

"Goodnight Pretty girl," he kissed your head, pulling the covers over your body. He walked downstairs to let himself out.

"You must really like her, huh?" mama asked.

"Yeah, I do."

"Take care of her. This is the earliest I've seen her sleep in a long time," she smiled fondly.

"But if you hurt her, I'll hurt you so bad your own mother can feel it. Got it?" Her mood changes just like y/n's. Probably where she got it from.

"I won't hurt her. Promise."

"Alright," she started, leading him to the door, " get home safe."

"Thank you." And with that he was off. Getting home, in his bed and just thinking about your pretty smile and soft lips. He could definitely get used to kissing you like that.

                                                 ⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

i hope you enjoyed this, i will be trying to update every sunday if i can. thx for reading ♥

[callmeelle22]

Blue Dream VII

Pairing: Iris West x Barry Alen

Rating: E

Chapter Word Count: 9, 034

Summary: A series of sporadic dates between Iris and Barry turn into something more, a story in its own making.

Chapter I: Primetime

Chapter II: It's Cool

Chapter III: Anything

Chapter IV: Comfortable

Chapter V: The Way

Chapter VI: Say Yes

Chapter VII: Brave; They fuck with the rain like a soundtrack behind them, like a song that swells and stretches, telling their story, but you're so brave; stone cold crazy for loving me; yeah, I'm amazed; i hope you make it out alive, a song that rises and rises, that sounds too good to be real, that might destroy you, but only in the best way. (Read below or on AO3 linked on the chapter title.)

Chapter VIII: Blue Dream

Brave

Broken hearts are made for two

One for me and one for you

Tell me have you heard the news

We are now in love

Fall break from school is scheduled during the last three days of the last week of October. Before she can take some time off, Iris has midterm articles to write and grade. Barry is busy testing DNA samples or whatever it is CSIs do so they don’t see each other for several days after he leaves her house the morning after Wally’s party.

On the Wednesday of Fall Break, the first day off, Iris lets herself sleep in until almost 10, and then she packs up her bag, stuffing a notebook, a couple of pens, and her laptop in, before dressing comfortably in a pair of dark leggings, and a white oversized CCU hoodie she stole from her brother. Throwing on a pair of white low-top Chuck Taylors, Iris heads out to Jitters. It’s a rainy day, and other than workers who’ve no choice, not many people are out. A storm is brewing for later in the night, the sky dark and cloudy, but for the moment, it’s just a steady rain that has Iris walking carefully to her car and driving a lot slower, thanking her lucky stars that she finds a parking spot right in front of the coffee shop.

Back in high school, especially once her dad had gotten her a used car during the beginning of senior year, Iris and Linda would come to Jitters to do homework or stare at the college boys who would come in. The coffee shop has expanded since then, buying the small antique store that had been next door and adding more seating and a bar that specializes in alcoholic coffee brews. It’s still one of Iris’s favorite places to work because now the manager is a young Black woman with wild curly hair always dyed in one bright color or another and a soft spot for mid to late 90s R & B female singers. The shop is comfortable, with couches and overstuffed chairs in mismatched browns and beiges and blues set up near the walls and windows and several tables, two- and four-tops, taking up the space in the middle. Two of the walls are exposed brick and the others are painted stark white and feature framed prints in wild colors. It’s changed since she was a child, but Iris likes to think that she’s changed with it, that as this integral part of Central City has grown and added light and color and comfort, so too has Iris.

Today, her plan is to outline at least two entire stories from interviews she’s completed over the last couple of weeks before she even thinks about leaving the coffee shop. She settles into one of her favorite spots, a soft navy armchair behind a small circular table. She sets up her laptop, her notebook with her notes, her pens, and once a waiter drops off her brown sugar latte and a chocolate muffin, she lets the sound of the rain, and the Erykah Badu playing on the speakers, get her into her work.

“Hey, beautiful.”

Iris looks up just as Barry stops beside her. She’s been at Jitters for just over three hours now, and her shoulders are cramped and she’s coffee high and hungry. The rain is still pounding down, so hard that it looks like it’s raining sideways, and Iris curses her inability to get any work done in her own home. Besides all that, she’s reeling. She’s just outlined a story of a man explaining the story of the woman he’d loved his entire life: from growing up together in a small city in North Carolina, to becoming best friends and de facto siblings when his parents died and her dad agreed to foster him; from not dating but seeming like it in high school, to falling for other people in college; from having other spouses and children to one night of passion before they found their way back to each other when she decided to leave her husband after his wife died. It was a ride from start to finish, such a roller coaster of feelings—of love and pain and joy and heartbreak—that make Iris feel a bit heavy with them, a little loopy with them.

Barry stands to the side of her, towering above her, in as simple an outfit as what she’s wearing, a pair of black joggers and a white sweatshirt. She’s startled that he's there because she figures that he should be at work, but her heart does tick up at the sight of him. That is, until she lets her eyes rake over his lean frame. He looks a little...down, like a physical manifestation of the story she’s just outlined. His hair is messier than usual and his eyes aren’t carrying their usual sparkle, in addition to the darkening bags that frame them. He’s also a little stubbly, his jaw covered in a fine layer of coarse hair, his pallor a bit ashen.

(Iris will also admit that she thinks he looks sort of, well, good, like this; but that’s neither here nor there and she feels terrible—and maybe a bit perverted—that she’s lusting after him when he’s obviously going through something.)

“Hey,” she responds softly, and she stands up to assess him further. He seems so much taller than her like this, when they’re both in sneakers. She hasn’t seen him since the morning after Wally’s party a week ago when he dropped her back off at her car after spending the night at her place. They’ve talked a bunch and FaceTimed once, but she’s missed him. She reaches up into his hair, rubbing at his scalp a little until his eyes close and he lets out a soft little moan. She keeps at it and then touches gingerly at his face, at some of the moles dotting his cheeks, at the stubble he’s grown. He reaches up to stop her, eyes still closed, and it startles her a little bit. She goes to pull her hand back, but then he holds on to her wrist to bring her hand down and presses a kiss to her knuckles.

She’s never seen him like this. He’s always so open and, maybe not happy, but never so melancholy. There is always a pep to his step, as her grandma used to say, a smile on his face that always said that he feels some sort of contentment in his life. And obviously, people are allowed to have days like this. But it does something to Iris, to see him this way. She wants to lash out at whoever has made him look like this, like he’s drowning in emotions that he can’t easily pull himself out of.

“Bear, you okay?”

He nods, a little woefully, and he catches her eyes again. She bites at her lip as she stares back at him and, on impulse, she leans up to kiss him. It’s just a little more than a peck, something to tell him that she’s there with him; but he takes it a step further, kissing her harder, biting at her lip enough that there’s more pain than she’s expecting. She moans at him and he pulls back, breathing labored.

“I’m sorry,” he speaks. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“It’s fine,” she says. “You didn’t hurt me. Well, a little, but I didn’t hate it.”

That gets a more real smile out of him, and he thumbs at her bottom lip. “Hmm, I guess my good girl is a little bad.”

Iris rolls her eyes and gives him a look, sobering for a minute. “Bear, what’s up? You okay?”

He doesn’t answer her question. Instead, he nods at her table and asks, “you get a lot of work done?”

She eyes him, wanting to ask again. But she knows how she is when she doesn’t want to talk about something and so she lets it go. For the moment.

“Yeah. Or, at least, I’ve done most of what I set out to do.”

He nods, casts his eyes out of the glass, looking at the rain for a moment, watching it fall in heavy sheets. Normally, Iris likes the rain. It’s soothing and she enjoys how it makes the world take a moment to slow down. When she was a little girl, her grandma (her dad’s mother who grew up somewhere at the bottom of Georgia) used to say that when it was raining, and particularly when it was storming, that the Lord was doing His work and that it was the time to be still. They’d have to sit quietly, usually with the TV and the lights off, and just be. And while life doesn’t allow her to drop everything because it’s started raining, there is always a hushed feeling that comes over her when it rains, something tranquil, but also a little turbulent, a little uncontrollable, quite like the very rain she’s reveling in.

“Wanna come over?” he wonders, voice unsure.

She nods readily. “Okay, yeah. Sure.”

He goes to return her mug and plate while she packs her bag back up. He meets her at the door, opening up a large umbrella and throwing an arm over her shoulder to lead her out into the rain. She walks with him past her own car as he takes her a short black away to where his Jeep is parked. He helps her into the Jeep first, watches as she tucks her bag under the seat, and then closes the door before walking around to the other side.

They ride to his house in silence. He lives far on the south side of town, a good twenty or so minutes from downtown if they hit the highway. Instead, he takes the streets, adding another ten minutes to their drive. Iris doesn’t mind; as she said, she likes the rain, and in this big Jeep, tires sluicing easily through the flooding roads in a way her car definitely can’t, she’s enjoying the ride. He had silently connected her phone to his car’s Bluetooth, so she took it to mean that the music choices were hers. She contemplates finding something that he might like, but she figures he likely wouldn’t even be paying much attention. So she decides on one of her slower playlists, ones with songs that dip and fade, that take listeners on a journey of highs and lows, and she lets it play. The lyrics tell too much, so i guess that i should mention; that i am in no condition; to put you in this position; i might fuck this up, although with the heavy weight on Barry’s shoulders right now, she can’t tell if she’s talking to him or vice versa.

He takes them past one of the major shopping districts in the city, past the Apple store and the Michael Kors shop and the one restaurant her dad took her to when she graduated college where pasta dishes run nearer to forty dollars. These shops, and the nicer mall and a couple business buildings that rise as tall as those downtown, lead into longer stretches of road where trees interspersed with beige or cream apartments begin to take up where businesses once stood. He turns into the familiar subdivision that she remembers; it’s a little older than some, which makes sense if his parents were able to buy and pay it off before they were gone. That also means that none of the houses are the same cookie-cutter versions that tend to make up most subdivisions these days, where houses are identical save for the color and the trim and what children’s toys litter the front yard.

He presses a button on his visor and the garage opens as he maneuvers the car so that he can back up into the driveway. He stays in the driveway, though, the music cutting out—but whatever the case, you're my favorite mistake; more than happy to make you—when he turns the ignition off. She waits for him to come around with his umbrella and he half picks her up to pull her out, holding on to her as he walks her through the garage.

She’s as quiet as he is, taking in her surroundings, trying to get a better sense of who he is by what he’s got going on in his house. There isn’t much in the garage; there are a bunch of boxes neatly stacked on one wall, a couple bicycles in another corner. There is a wall full of tools and a couple tables that have science looking tools on them, like a microscope and several bunsen burners and petri dishes, though nothing looks as if they’re currently being used.

He leads her through a door that opens up into the kitchen as he presses another button to close the garage. His house is as cute on the outside as it is on the inside, although she wonders how he might feel if she were to call it cute. The kitchen is large, done in white, gray, and green, with steel appliances, gray marble countertops, and the look of a place that doesn’t get a lot of use. They both stop to toe their shoes off right outside of the kitchen where a couple other pairs of Barry’s shoes lie. His living room is pretty big: a wide space that features a real stone fireplace as the focal point and a large screen television situated above it; a huge sectional in a slate gray with a few throw pillows; and a big square wooden coffee table. It’s masculine and clean without being gaudy or too bro and Iris wonders if he did this himself because even if she never knew her, she doubts a woman who loved flowers as much as his mother would decorate her living room this way.

The dark curtains on the windows are open wide and Iris can see the backyard but the rain coming down in sheets keep her from being able to make out much besides the patio with what looks like a grill and wicker furniture. Iris remembers being told that his dad had been a doctor and his mom some sort of university researcher and the house matches that.

Barry lets her hand go to tug his sweatshirt off, revealing a plain white t-shirt that rises up over his taut belly. She doesn’t avert her eyes, giving herself permission to track how the sweatpants hang off his slim hips and how he isn’t so much sculpted as he’s hard and tight, with just the beginnings of abs. He catches her staring and he smirks at her before dropping down in the corner of the couch, one leg spread out along the seats of the chair.

“Come here,” he tells her, and she moves toward him, sitting so that her back is pressed against that hard chest and his arms are wrapped around her. She grabs a hold of his forearm with both her hands and settles her head in the crook of his elbow. She’s surrounded by his scent, lemongrass and clean cotton, and for a while, the only sounds are his breathing and the pounding of the rain. He touches her, the hand she’s not holding on to stroking up and down her thigh. Her leggings are pretty thin and she feels his touch fully; if she concentrates enough, she can feel those beloved calluses on his hands. He rubs his hand towards the juncture of her thighs and then over her hip and then back again, and like always, his touch ignites something in her, even as she’s wondering how she might be able to help him out of whatever funk he’s found himself in.

“You ready to tell me what’s up?” she wonders a while later.

“Hmm,” he hums, pressing a kiss to her forehead. “Not yet. Tell me about your day.”

She shifts so that she can look back at him, noting the way his eyes have darkened a touch, become grayer like the sky outside, and it’s different from the bright blue-green she remembers from the day of the festival or the wicked blue-gray they always are right before he pushes hard into her.

He blinks down at her and licks his lips slowly. It’s not an explicitly sexual act, even if her body thinks it looks that way, and Iris finds herself lost in it, in whatever he’s emanating. It’s erotic in that it’s intimate, a whirlwind of whatever hurt made him seek her out at Jitters, of whatever still lies unexplored between them, of the attraction that doesn’t ever seem to dissipate.

When she pulls herself out, she tells him, “I was working on a story today. One that made me feel a little bit like how you might be right now.”

“Yeah?”

Wanting to look at him more comfortably, she uses his pause so that she can turn around fully and seat herself on his lap, straddling him. His hands automatically go to her hips, one sliding inside the waist of her leggings so that he can touch her skin.

“Tell me about this story,” he requests. She knows that he’s asking so that he can think about something other than what’s on his mind, so she does, giving a little more than she would originally, working out how she might want to tell the story in her blog.

“It was a couple,” she starts, “that grew up together, in the country. They bonded by playing together in the lake, climbing trees, and playing pranks on each other. And then they start to grow up. Their swimming becomes fraught with tension, the bathing suits showing the same skin, but more, ya know, both of them recognizing the differences, cataloging them, thinking about them, remembering them. They don’t act on it, because they’re friends, and he doesn’t actually understand what it means, that he’s 13 and he keeps dreaming about her at night, waking up with a wet bed and a pounding heart. And then his parents die and her dad, who’s a do-gooder in the community and had been his parents’ best friend, takes him in. Now they’re siblings, but of course not. Regardless, it makes it all harder and odder because she sleeps right down the hall from him, their shared bathroom always smells like her, and he understands now, that he likes her smile and the way she speaks and the curves she seems to develop out of nowhere.”

Barry squeezes at her and she pauses as he asks, “And what about her? How does she feel about him?”

“Well he doesn’t know it, but she’s there too. At first she thinks that she’s just conflating it, confusing their friendship. Because she doesn’t laugh with anyone else like she does with him and she never has as much fun with anyone else as she does him and she never feels as comfortable with anyone else as she does him. He’s her best friend. But she sees him, one night, in his room where the door hasn’t fully closed and he’s, well, he’s masturbating, touching himself, eyes closed and moaning, and for the first time outside of the books she’s read, she feels something. And she knows it’s not just because she’s seen him naked because she’s kissed boys before, she’s felt them hard under her before, but something about this feels different for her.

“But she doesn’t act on it. And he doesn’t either, because remember, he only thinks this is one-sided. They graduate. They go to the same college. But their majors are different and their friends are different. She joins a sorority; he gets into a couple of clubs. Their paths separate, even if they still laugh and talk and be when they’re home for the holidays. Then she gets a boyfriend.”

“She never had a boyfriend before this?” Barry questions.

Iris shrugs. “Sure. But it was high school and the beginning of college. They were mostly hookups that didn’t last. This guy is serious. He’s a couple years older, got his own place, and eventually she moves in with him. Heartbroken, he gets a girlfriend too, one of her friends. That doesn’t last long because she figures out that he’s a little bit in love with the main girl, and then he moves on, to someone sweet, someone who’s been not so subtly hinting that she wants to go out with him.”

Barry seems to be engrossed now. She can’t say that the dark look he was sporting is completely gone, but she can see that he’s not as deep in it, interested in the story she’s weaving.

“They go on to marry these people, even if their hearts are not fully in it. His wife has a kid first, her baby comes next. And meanwhile, they’re still friends. Her dad is still his guardian, so to speak; they are together for whatever holidays they don’t spend with their spouses’ families. They still laugh and talk and be. They still look a little too long and want a little too much.

It comes to a head one Christmas. The gods or fate or just some movement on their parts mean that they both go home to her dad’s house with their spouses and children coming in the next day. But her dad is called in to work so they order take out and watch movies in front of a fire. And they laugh and they talk...and they hug and they kiss and they…

“Be?” Barry tries, a tiny little smile on his face.

She matches it. “Yeah. And it’s beautiful, transcendent. But they’re married. To other people. With kids. So they vow to forget it, to never bring it up again. A couple of years pass. They don’t laugh as much, don’t talk as much. She’s having troubles in her marriage. He is too. He actually consults a divorce attorney because he thinks that it’s unfair to both him and his wife, to live like this. And then the wife dies in a car accident.”

“Oh damn,” he mutters.

“Right,” she agrees. “He’s wracked with grief and more than a little guilt, because he loved her but was never in love with her and she had no idea he was going to leave her.”

“What about her? The one he loves?”

“She’s there for him. She consoles him, cares for him, takes his kid when it gets too hard. Her husband doesn’t like it though. Thinks she’s doing too much, thinks that there’s another reason she’s over at his so much. Later, he learns that this wasn’t a new accusation, that even before she and her husband got married, the husband would question their closeness, would wonder what, if anything, had ever happened between them.

“Eventually she gets tired of it. Her kid is older, in their teens now, and she leaves her husband, packing her things and her kid’s too and moving back in with her dad for a while.”

“And what happens between them?” Barry wants to know.

“He and his son come over more. They hang out more, the four of them, going to dinner and to the movies and to the arcade together. And when their kids are gone, at sleepovers or game nights with their friends, they laugh again, talk again. Fall in love again.”

The ending is implied. Iris closes her eyes when she’s done, letting Barry continue to rub at her back, his fingers so so warm on her skin.

“It's a happy ending,” he says, eventually. “But getting there was a little...depressing.”

Iris chuckles softly, lightheaded again at having gone through that again. It likely didn’t make Barry feel any better, but she’ll take the win that it took his mind away from his own problems, if only for a little while.

“Yeah, it is,” she agrees. “But it reminds me that just because it’s not easy and just because it takes some time, it doesn’t mean that things aren’t worth it.”

He nods, slowly, thinking.

“What about things that are...easy? That come like breathing? That start as a simple dance and just, just keep going?”

She stares down at him and she knows that this is rhetorical. She can see the question in the depths of his eyes, feel it in his hands still kneading her flesh. It would be easy to retreat, to tell him that nothing is ever easy, even if the reality is that it is because they are, because they fall into each other so effortlessly, that she’s terrified. There are always hiccups, obstacles, and the fact that she can’t find any keeps her on edge, waiting, anticipating trouble she knows must be coming. She doesn’t want to believe it, wants to stand firm in them—stand firm in the lyrics she keeps hearing, if you decide to stay, know that there is no escape; there's no one here to save you—and she holds onto that as he asks,

“Don’t you think it’s worth it, Iris? Even if it’s this easy?”

She can’t speak, but his eyes are imploring her to answer. Pleading with her for a response. And however terrified Iris is, or however much Iris tells stories, she is not a liar. So she nods and whispers to him, “yes.”

Without waiting for her to say anything more, he kisses her. He squeezes at her waist and leans up to capture her mouth. She meets him with his same fervor and it’s different, this kiss. She knows the passion of his mouth when he’s high, the boldness when he’s teasing her. But this is new, this is fervor, warmth and agony and doubt and pleasure, all wrapped up together.

(Something also tells Iris that there is another word for this, that this is the part of the story where feelings would be laid on the table, where hearts would be splayed open and she’d say it, or he would, and the other would respond in kind, with declarations of adoration, of infatuation, yearning, of any other word that means what she can’t say yet.

But she feels it, what she’s wanting to say, what she thinks he is saying, in this kiss. It is slow and nasty, all tongue and mouth. Her eyes flutter closed at the feeling, at how he licks into her mouth and then sucks on her bottom lip, at how he licks against her tongue and then holds her face to bring her closer to him. She feels it, she feels it, she feels him…)

He stands, holding on to her, and she wraps her legs around his waist, tightening her arms around his neck as he carries her through the house. The kisses don’t stop, though they become shorter, more mouth now, and he takes her down a long hallway past several doors until he turns into one at the end of the hall. She makes a quick note of the light gray and burnt orange decor, the side tables holding books and knickknacks, the one window that spans nearly the entire wall, but she focuses most heavily on the king-sized bed on which he throws on her, the soft comforter half hanging off the bed.

Her clothes come off first, Barry pulling her sweatshirt over her head and yanking her pants over her hips. He comes out of his own clothes as she discards her underwear, and then he’s between her thighs again. But she wants something else first so she taps his shoulder to flip them and then she’s hovering above him.

She gives him a kiss, slow and sweet, and then she makes her way down his chest, kissing as she goes. She loves the feel of his skin against her lips, likes how his skin tastes as she presses tongue kisses on him. His belly clenches and unclenches under her ministrations, and by the time she’s looking back up at him from her position near his crotch, she can see the way his chest rises and falls with his heavy breathing.

She reaches for him, wrapping her fingers around his dick. It’s long like the rest of him, and thicker than she would have expected just looking at him. It’s a pretty dick, the base the same color as him, the head slightly pinker. It’s a little veiny, but the skin is smooth, and already he’s starting to leak. She lifts her eyes to find him watching her, his own gaze hooded. In her peripheral, she sees his hands grip the bed sheets and she revels in how she hasn’t even done anything and his control is starting to slip.

“Tell me what you want, Bear.”

She says the words softly, but Barry doesn’t miss the cheek that lies under it, if the slight smirk he gives her is any indication.

“Your mouth,” he says. “I’ve been dreaming about that pretty mouth wrapped around my dick.”

She shudders at the tone of his voice, at the vision of her on her knees for him. She likes it.

“I bet you have too,” he guesses.

Without a response, she licks him, holding him at the base and running her tongue up one side of him. She does it again, and then one more time, acquainting herself with the taste of him and the satiny feel of him on her tongue, and then she adjusts and covers the whole of him.

“Fuck,” he breathes out.

She hums around him and she sucks him down, taking him until he hits her throat. Then she pulls back until just the tip remains. She licks around his head and sucks him there, letting the spit pool in her mouth, letting it mix with his own wet. She opens her mouth and lets it slide out, dripping down onto him, and her own body starts to drip at his wrecked whisper, “god, baby, look at you.”

She adds her hands, palming his testicles in one and rubbing her spit down the length of him with the other. She finds a rhythm, sucking him down, inch by inch, hollowing her cheeks as she goes, and then stroking his back up. Barry keeps his hand clenched in the sheets, but he cants himself into her mouth, rocking his hips lightly. She’s getting into it, loving the way he responds to her.

“Come here,” he says, suddenly, reaching for her, and she pulls back with a soft pop.

“Barry?” she furrows her eyebrows in question.

He gives her a gentle smile and grabs at her arm; Iris moves at his request, crawling up his body.

“But you didn’t finish,” she says, pouting a little.

“I know. I want to come when I’m inside you.”

She’s mollified by that, and he settles her on his lap.

“You were so good though, baby,” he says, kissing her. “My good, good girl.”

He reaches down to touch her, slipping his fingers easily into her sex. He groans into her mouth at the feel and he pulls back to ask,

“Is this all for me? Did you get wet sucking me off, good girl?”

She nods, rocking her hips against his hand, against his sex still hard beneath her. “Can, can you…?”

He tilts his head at her, fingers still caressing inside of her. “Can I?”

She huffs out a small laugh because he’s always fucking with her. “You said you wanted to come inside of me,” she reminds him.

“I did, didn’t?” He takes his time removing his fingers, eyes on her as he does. Even with the window curtains wide open, the dark sky has the room dark

(and she doesn’t dismiss the fact that the window faces the side of someone else’s house, where they could be seen if the neighbors were so inclined to watch)

and his eyes look a little like molten lead in the faint rainy light like this. He goes to reach over to his bedside table but Iris stops him.

“I want to feel you,” she says.

He licks his lips and she doesn’t mistake the twitch of his dick she feels under her. “You sure?”

“Yes. I’m on birth control. And I trust you.”

He nods once and again, and then he takes her by her hips and slides her down his cock.

After, Iris decides that this time is the single most erotic experience of her life.

They fuck with the rain like a soundtrack behind them, like a song that swells and stretches, telling their story, but you're so brave; stone cold crazy for loving me; yeah, I'm amazed; i hope you make it out alive, a song that rises and rises, that sounds too good to be real, that might destroy you, but only in the best way.

She rides him, and he’s so full in her like this, so deep in her like this. His back is against his fabric headboard and she’s so close to him, her knees jutting into the headboard, her thighs holding around his hips, her breasts rubbing against his chest, nipples pebbling with each brush on those hard planes.

She holds on to him with her hands holding the back of his neck, softly scratching at the nape. But he’s touching her, always touching her, his hands caressing her spine, and then holding her waist, and then squeezing her hips. He guides her: keeps his favorite pace, smooth and languid; bring her up to the tip and fucks her back down; shows her how he wants her to roll her body when he’s full in her, so her clit is brushing the soft hairs on his pelvis, the sensation incredible.

He uses his mouth too: to kiss her throat, deep tongue kisses that’ll leave marks she knows she’ll have to cover up; to whisper against her mouth, “see how easy this is; see how good, baby; fuck, see how good this is; yes, yes, yes, my good girl.”

And Iris feels so caught up in it. She can’t stop looking at him, loving when the lightning slashes across the room and illuminates those eyes, the constellation of moles on his skin, his wet, pink mouth. Her body hums with pleasure, soaking her thighs and his, tightening around his dick as if it never, never wants to let him go. She voices her satisfaction, in soft sighs and heavy pleas, and his name on her tongue like a chant, or better, a song, “Bear, Bear, Barrryyy.” They’re so close, her skin sticking to his wherever they’re touching, chest to chest and ass to thigh. She feels full and whole and filled...with him and with desire and with, and with love, the thought of it making her shudder and close her eyes.

“No,” Barry whispers. “Don’t. Just let it, just let it...stay here with me. Can you do that for me? Be brave for me?”

She nods, head heavy as her body starts to reach its climax, as her body loosens at the same time that it tightens and she has to fight to hold on to him. “Yes,” she moans again, holding his gaze again.

He touches at her face, holding her cheek and staring back. “Good girl.”

She doesn’t know whose climax triggers the other. She just knows that at the same time that her body explodes, fluttering wildly around him, he comes too, so hard that she feels him throbbing against her walls, that she feels him filling her up with his cum.

He doesn’t let go of her right away. He just holds her, hands at her hip and her face, and then he kisses her, cementing what they’ve just done, cementing what Iris feels for him.

“It’s the anniversary of my mom’s death,” he says, out of the blue. “And when I went to visit my dad earlier, I found out that he’s sick, something with his heart, and I’m-I’m reeling.”

It’s been a long while since they separated and Iris climbed off of him to pad into his bathroom and warm a hand towel under warm water to clean them both. They’ve been lying in his bed, only half under the covers as they let their bodies cool. It’s quiet now, so quiet that Iris has thought he’d fallen asleep; she’d almost fallen asleep. But when he speaks, she blinks wide and then turns her head to face him.

“14 years today,” he adds. He’s looking up at the ceiling as he talks, but Iris feels the hand that’s settled at her waist tighten, the move bringing her closer to him. She understands that he just needs the contact, so she turns so that she’s all the way curled on him, one of her legs thrown across him, her arm tossed over him too, hand settled on his heart. It’s beating slow, steady, and so she strokes his bare chest, right it.

“How’d you find out?”

“I was still at school,” he tells her. “It was a Friday and some of my friends had convinced me to go to a football game, so we were there pretty late. Games could run until 11. I was 17 so I had my own car. It was an old car; we’d bought it from a guy she worked with. By this time, my dad had been gone for a couple years, and my mom was always working late at the lab, so when I got home around 10:30 that night and the lights were out, I wasn’t surprised.”

He shifts a little and continues. “I took a shower, put some leftover pizza in the microwave, and just as I was sitting down to eat, the doorbell rang. It was the police looking for her next of kin to tell them what had happened.” He sighs heavily. “I got lucky. The courts let one of my friend’s parents take me in until I graduated a few months later. I was able to get a work study job in college to pay my bills since the mortgage was already paid off.”

He says it all like he was lucky, but there is nothing lucky about losing both of your parents in that matter, even if one of them was still physically alive. Iris knows from experience that he doesn’t want pity, doesn’t want anyone to feel sorry for his story. But she can’t help the way she wants to comfort him, and so she lets herself do that, tightening herself around him, snuggling even more into his chest.

“How are you feeling about your dad?” she asks, mumbling against his skin.

“Devastated. He looked like, like, I don’t know, like he’s giving up. I don’t get to go see him too often, every couple of months, really. And he looked so different from when I saw him last: smaller, frailer. I think there might be something he’s not telling me. Like he’s been sick longer than he says he has.”

“Is he supposed to get out soon?”

“Another couple years. But I don’t know if he wants to hold on that long.”

She feels them first, the tears. She tries to hold him even tighter, tries to crawl into his skin almost, trying to stem his pain. He doesn’t cry for long, just a few sobs, and then he’s inhaling deeply and wiping at his eyes. But it must be enough because he sounds a little hollow when he says,

“And truthfully, I’m not so much sad as I am mad, that he seems to be giving up. On getting out. On me.”

She hums, not dismissively, but because she understands. “Wanna know a secret?”

“Yeah.”

“Sometimes, I hate my mom.”

He sort of jerks up at that. Not fully, he looks down at her, eyes widened in shock. However inappropriate it might be, she finds herself laughing a little at his expression. Then she explains.

“I know that addiction is not a moral failing. I know that she struggled right up til the end. I know both of those things as completely as I know anything else. But sometimes I wonder why my dad wasn’t enough, why me and Wally weren't enough. I wonder what she was trying to find in those pills that she couldn’t find in us, and I get so pissed that she let it take her away from us.”

She’s startled when he moves. He pulls himself from under her, letting her fall onto her back, and then he’s hovering above her, holding himself up on his elbows. He falls into the spread of her thighs, his sex nuzzling comfortably against her still warm center.

“I’ve seen some of the worst effects of addiction,” he says, “when their bodies end up on a slab of metal and it’s my job to dissect the things around them, to even sometimes help detectives dissect their lives to figure out what happened. And something I’ve learned is that it’s always, always about them. Never about the people they love.”

He searches her face, brushing a piece of hair back from her forehead. “And whatever your mom was or wasn’t thinking, you are enough. You are more than enough, Iris.” He leans down and gives her a kiss, deep and dirty, and she moans in frustration as he pulls back from her. He gives her a grin, one more reminiscent of the Barry she’s used to.

“Repeat after me,” he commands. “I, Iris West…”

“Really, Barry?”

“Yes, come on. I, Iris West…

She sighs, but says it. “I, Iris West…”

“Am more than enough.”

She licks her lips then, blinks, works to not let the tears that have suddenly gathered in the corner of her eyes escape.

“Am more than enough,” she whispers, finally.

Barry’s smile turns fond. “Good girl.”

She shakes her head because she doesn’t know what else to do besides kiss him. Which she does, deeply, reaching down to grip him in her palm. She pauses, just for a moment, to tell him “you know that you are enough too, right?” and she kisses the look of awe off of his face. It’s a long while before she stops kissing him, and then it’s only to moan into his mouth, to let him whisper his dirty somethings into her ear.

“What are your plans for tonight?”

They’ve just shared a shower. Barry is throwing on another pair of sweats and a hoodie and Iris puts her own leggings back on, sans underwear, and thumbs through Barry’s closet for another sweatshirt to put on.

(There’s no reason that she can’t put hers back on, but she’s feeling particularly sentimental and she wants to take something of Barry’s with her, something that smells like him, that feels like him.)

“None, really.” She pulls out a red sweater that reads Central City University Track & Field and throws it on over her bra. “Why? You kicking me out.”

Barry rolls his eyes. “Of course not.” He glances down at the watch on his wrist. “Wanna get dinner? And then go with me to my tattoo appointment? It’s at 8 tonight.”

She smiles at that. “Sure.”

They take the highway back downtown. The rain is still beating steadily and there is still the occasional rumble of thunder, the sporadic flash of lightning. He parks a bit further in the arts district, in front of a restaurant specializing in wood-fire pizzas and craft beers. This time, she knows to wait for him to come around and open the door for her so that she can walk under his umbrella. Once he locks his jeep, he grabs her hand, and they walk the couple doors down and into the restaurant.

The place is brightly lit, in direct contrast to the dark sky and even the faint light that had been on at Barry’s place. The weather assures that it isn’t densely packed, just a couple booths of families and what looks like a couple, so they’re seated quickly and easily. They eat fast since they’ve only got an hour before his appointment. In the meantime, they both keep the conversation light. It’s been a day, for the both of them really, and Iris doesn’t think that she can cry twice in a day.

After he pays, she goes to the bathroom and he tells her he’ll wait at the door for her. She goes in and it’s as brightly lit as the rest of the place and she quickly does her business and washes her hands before heading back out to where he knows Barry is waiting in the little space between the outer door and the door to the restaurant.

She walks through the place and out of the restaurant door, likely too quickly and without really looking. She takes several steps, straightening out Barry’s sweatshirt again, and then she’s bumping into what feels like a solid wall, almost falling backward. A quick hand reaches out to catch her, the hand large, easily wrapping around her forearm.

“Shit,” she says, shaking her head to clear it as she looks up. “I’m sorr..Scott?”

He doesn’t move back right away and so she has to look up, up at the man holding on to her. Scott Evans is the literal definition of tall, dark, and handsome. He’d been her editor when she’d work at CCPN right out of college, and she’d had the biggest crush on him. Tall with dark caramel skin and a neatly trimmed beard, he’d been the one to help guide her in the ways of mass story-telling. They’d gone on one date and Iris is not actually sure why they’d never gone on another.

“Iris West.” He says her name slowly, his grin widening at the same pace. He gives her a once-over, slow and heated. “How’ve you been?”

“R-really good,” she says, stumbling a little at that grin. Even if she doesn’t actually regret never seeing him again, Iris can admit that a man this good looking makes her a little tongue-tied.

“Yeah? I’ve been catching your blog when I can. It’s some good shit, West. I can see why you left our little paper.”

“Please,” Iris rolls her eyes with a little laugh. “There’s nothing little about Picture News.”

He shrugs, humble all the way. “Still, I’m proud of you.”

“Thanks, Scott. I appreciate that.”

“It’s the truth.” He looks down at her, swiping at his lips with his tongue, and she suddenly realizes that they’re still too close. She steps back fully from him, glancing over Scott’s shoulders to see Barry watching them, his expression unreadable.

“Um,” she speaks, catching his attention. “I gotta go Scott.”

“Oh yeah; of course. We should get together soon. Maybe do dinner.” Scott looks back out of the window where rain steadily pours. “It’s still raining out. Can I walk you to your car?”

Her eyes don’t leave Barry’s and he tilts his head, waiting for her answer. “Scott, I’m not alone.”

He turns as if he’s just realizing that Barry is standing there. Barry is still quiet and only lifts his eyes to look at Scott when he mutters, “oh, hey man.”

Barry nods. “What’s up?” Then he looks at Iris. “You ready?”

“Yeah, I am.” Her voice is soft, cautious, and she throws one more glance at Scott. “It was good to see you.”

He graces her with that smile again. “Yeah. I’ll see you around.”

Barry takes her hand and they walk back to the truck. They’re on the road again, driving to a neighborhood near her own. For a second, she thinks he’s going to take her home, but he passes the road to her apartment and goes on to a neighborhood featuring several bars and little shops that cater to the college crowd. He pulls into the parking lot of a place called Black Gold, the lights inside near as bright as those in the pizza place.

Again, she waits until he comes around and turns as if to get out. He stops her though, holding the umbrella high, standing in front of her open legs. He does his thing, his stare like he's trying, and succeeding, to get inside her mind.

“That your ex-boyfriend?” he wonders.

She shakes her head. “Ex-boss.”

His expression doesn’t change. “All your bosses look at you like that?”

She swallows at the sudden feel of his hand on her thigh. The rain is pounding and drops fall on them, but she’s not noticing it. Instead, she’s caught in the storm that’s returned to his eyes, in the feel of his hands inching steadily toward her center.

“Don’t tell me you’re jealous,” she says, instead of responding to him.

One corner of his mouth lifts, and the confident, bordering on cocky, Barry is looking at her now, even if that sparkle hasn’t returned quite yet.

“Nah,” he says. “Not jealous. You’re here right now. And you were with me earlier, moaning for me, coming for me.”

He slides his hand between her thighs and because she is, almost literally, always thirsty for him, wet for him, her legs spread easily. He fingers at the crotch of her leggings, and she knows that he can feel her warmth through the thin material. He thumbs at her until she gasps against him, finding her clit in a way that reminds him that he knows her body better than she knows it herself.

“He ever touch you like this?” Barry asks, voice a whisper above the rain. “Make you whimper even without getting your clothes off?”

She is whimpering, as he keeps his thumb on her clit, rubbing on her in slow circles. That’s all he’s doing: touching her with one hand, looking at her with those eyes that tell as much as they conceal, with his voice a deep rumble that rivals the thunder. He might be turned on, but he’s proving a point, naming himself as someone who, well, who owns her, even if she recognizes that no man should claim any power over her.

Heat spreads through her, a low, simmering sort of heat, but it’s enough that her folds grow slicker, start opening like the flowers of a petal waiting to be plucked. He keeps rubbing at her, staying on her clit, staring in her face, so much that she can’t hold his gaze. Because it feels better than it should, and her wet is soaking through these too thin leggings, and her breaths are coming in longer, coming in heavier.

“Tell me he hasn’t, Iris,” he says, commands, and Iris throws her head back, legs widening at their own volition, hips canting against his hand. “Tell me.”

“No,” she moans, eyes fluttering closed. “He never even touched me at all.”

“Tell me it’s just me,” he adds and she’s too far gone to note the pleading in his voice. “Tell me no one has ever touched you like this.”

“No,” she shakes her head. “Just you, Barry, shit, just you.”

“Good,” he groans. “Good, good girl.”

Even if touch is the word he’s using, Iris understands that it’s more. She understands that they’re both wrapped up in uncertainty, never too sure of where they lie in others’ affections, never too sure of where they lie in life at all. She understands that he’s asking her if she feels it too, if she’s there with him, if this too easy, this too natural, feeling is a first for her too.

He’s asking if she’s brave enough to tell him the truth, if she undertands is meaning-understands that I'm no walk in the park; all these scars on my heart; it’s so dark here-even as she’s wondering the same, as she’s feeling the same, wondering if the churning feelings of abandonment make her unworthy somehow. Wondering if he’ll come to see that unworthiness.

Barry leans forward, just a touch away from her mouth, eyes blazing.

“There’s only you too, Iris,” he says, unprompted. “I swear I’ve just been waiting for you.”

He closes the distance to kiss her and that’s enough to take her over. It’s not a powerful orgasm, not like usual, but it does make her shut her eyes tight, make her limbs seize up as she rocks her hips through it. She breathes out, and she can’t stop the little laugh that comes out.

“You really are a dick,” she muses, opening her eyes slowly.

“A polite one, though,” he says, as he stands straighter and holds his hand out to help her down from the car. He holds the umbrella high over her. “See how I’m making sure you don’t get wet.”

“You didn't think of that earlier.”

His grin is devastating but it doesn’t hide the plethora of emotions in his eyes: the simmering lust, the faint traces of insecurity, the grief that’s been hovering all day...the love she doesn’t think he wants to hide anymore.

She hikes up on her tiptoes to plant a kiss on his cheek, and then she walks beside him into the parlor, words flashing in her head like a sign, but if you’re a warrior, there’s nothing to fear; nothing to fear.

And later that night, as she cuddles up next to Barry is his large comfortable bed, she listens to his soft breathing, the sound a melody to the rain still pattering against his windows. She listens and she stares at him, taking in his features, softer than they were before, the stress of today easing away with every second he’s lost to sleep. A flash of lightning lights the room, and it catches her eyes again, the new tattoo, the purple ink bright on his skin, covering the space from a lily on his shoulder to just over his heart. It goes dark again, his room blanketed once more, but in her mind’s eyes, she can still see the vibrant ink on his skin, the pretty drooping petals of an iris.

Cause you're so brave

Stone cold crazy for loving me

Yeah, I'm amazed

I hope you make it out alive

[iamtheblondestblonde]

Last Christmas

AN: Listening to Christmas songs in September is totally normal, right? I was inspired by a couple of songs and I’m procrastinating even though I should really study for some upcoming exams but I had to finish this first. Please enjoy this angsty fluff (is that even a thing?) with one of our favorite Hockey Hunks™.

Word Count: 3.7k

Warnings: There might be a swear word or two and one mention of sex but that’s it

My other writing can be found here

For the first time since the move you finally felt at home and not out of place. To anyone it might only be a regular Wednesday but to you it was more than that. Today marked the day you’d finally managed to clear out the last few boxes, ridding yourself of the only remaining evidence that proved you were alone in a new city, a new country.

You wouldn’t stay alone for long though, your new job was set to start on Monday and you’d always made friends fairly fast so you weren’t worried in the slightest, instead enjoying the quiet that was your apartment for now.

With Christmas less than a month away you’d finally managed to decorate the apartment accordingly and to say you were proud would be an understatement. Picking out a Christmas tree by yourself had been an adult awakening, something you’d always dreamt about. 

When you were younger you had imagined a certain someone with you so you could decorate side by side but that hadn’t been an option in years. Although with the move it could be, but you quickly pushed that thought out of your head.

Locating the box with the decorations - some you’d stolen from home - had taken quite a while but as you held the hand-painted angel that had once belonged to your great-grandmother in your hands all trouble was forgotten. You’d have to climb on a stool or something to get it on top of the tree but for now you carefully set it aside, taking a look at your surroundings instead. 

The string lights made your apartment glow in warm light that only added to the appeal of the city lights shining in through the big windows. The new job had come with a very attractive signing bonus and while the place wasn’t huge, the modern finishes had made you fall in love instantly.

You hadn’t even realized how much time had passed because you’d been so immersed in decorating and cleaning but the sun had long set and your supper had been quite a while ago. The TV was still on from when you’d turned it on for some background noise, not really paying attention but instead focusing on humming along to your Christmas playlist.

You put on some water and quickly changed into a pair of comfortable leggings and your favorite sweatshirt from your time at Dalhousie University so you could spend the rest of your evening cuddled up on the couch with a mug of tea and continue the series you’d started to binge watch a couple of weeks ago. You’d only just pulled the hem of the sweatshirt down your body when you heard your doorbell ring.

Who would show up at your apartment unannounced at this time?

You quickly made your way back into the living space and over to the door so you could check the peep-hole, your heart skipping a beat once you realized who was on the other side of the door. For a second you contemplated simply not opening, but while you were many things in your life, a coward wasn’t one of them. 

You knew he could tell that you were home from the music still playing over the speakers and the lights probably escaping your apartment through the slit below the door so you didn’t hesitate long before unlocking the door with shaky hands and swinging it open.

Seeing him again, leaning against the wall opposite your apartment door, was like someone had thrown a bucket of ice cold water at your face. As soon as he realized that you’d actually opened the door he practically jumped from his spot and took two big steps until he was standing a lot closer to you. 

You looked up at him, really looked up at him and with him standing there, looking so much like the Pierre you knew but so differently at the same time you felt yourself being catapulted to the day that changed your life all these years ago.

NHL Entry Draft Day back in 2016.

You weren’t religious by any means and you only ever went to church on Christmas out of a feeling of obligation towards your parents but God had you prayed for Pierre to stay close to you. It hadn’t been fair to him, you were well aware of that but for one day you allowed yourself to be selfish. You knew that he was living his dream, finally getting to play in the NHL like he’d always said he would but you were also thinking about your dreams. Dreams that involved him by your side.

Perhaps you were to blame for this mess. It was you who had fallen for the funny hockey player almost two years ago after all, knowing full well that he had big dreams that didn’t really mesh well with yours to go to university in Halifax, a place your family had gone to for ages.

You’d secretly hoped that perhaps Ottawa or Montreal would select him, even if he deserved to be picked long before it was their turn. But at least he’d be at least somewhat close to you then. When he’d been picked third by Columbus you’d been so shocked that you barely remembered kissing him on live television. You’d watched him get on that stage and put on the jersey but instead of crying happy tears at the sight of his dream coming true, you were crying because you knew that this was most likely the beginning of the end of your relationship. 

There’d be well over 2.000 kilometers between the two of you sometime soon and although you’d prepared yourself for this for weeks it still hurt more than you could ever imagine. But you still smiled at him all these hours later when you finally got to see him again, telling him how incredibly proud you were.

You tried your best to enjoy that summer, knowing full well that it might be your last one with him. With fall approaching he helped you move your stuff to Halifax while preparing for his own departure to Columbus. 

A departure that didn’t come though, because he hadn’t made the roster for the 2016-2017 season and had instead been sent back to play in Sydney, something that had devastated him.

To say that it was hard would put it mildly. You were over four hours away from him and your home and with your new life picking up keeping in touch kept getting more and more difficult. With his travels for the team and your classes you barely saw each other, a series of missed calls and late responses really the only thing that connected you to him. Christmas was the first time you’d seen him in three weeks but you still made the best of it, spending time with him every day and for a little while things were like they used to be.

When he told you that he’d been traded to Boisbriand afterwards you knew that this was it. Pierre had known as well, the defeated look in his eyes mirroring your own and giving him away. 

So you’d said your goodbyes, wanting to end things on a good note instead of going through another string of ‘Sorry I couldn’t pick up the phone earlier but call me back when you get this’ and constantly feeling left out. You’d cried, as did Pierre when you hugged him one last time, him desperately wiping your tears away and pressing a lingering kiss to your forehead before leaving.

He’d ruined hockey for you then, the sport you once loved and spent so much time watching. No more time spent at the rink cuddled under your blanket and gossiping with the other girlfriends but you didn’t miss it as much as you missed him. 

You couldn’t even bear to watch him on TV so you’d missed when he scored his first NHL goal during his very first game in the league and all the other ones that followed. It was only when the Blue Jackets had their playoff run earlier this year that you’d finally managed to look at his face on your screen, over two years after you’d last seen him in person.

But now he was here, standing in front of you again.

“I-“, he began before stopping himself, rubbing his hand over his face before dropping it back down to his side and continuing, “I’m sorry for just barging in like this but my mom told me you moved here and I didn’t see it until after the game but I just had to come see for myself. Apparently our families still talk..”

You finally allowed yourself to properly looking at him, trailing your eyes over the features that were once so familiar. He’d grown a bit since you’d last seen him, not just in height but he was also a lot bulkier and more muscular than he used to be, filling out the suit jacket that sat snugly around his shoulders. He must have come straight from the game, hair still a bit wet and curlier than ever, a black pea coat folded over his arm and a duffel bag slung around his torso. You felt a bit out of place in your comfortable clothes compared to his suit that was probably designer but then you scolded yourself because this was Pierre and he’d seen you a lot worse.

“Yeah I know. I ran into your mom this summer when she was in our kitchen for a wine night they apparently have regularly.” You didn’t tell him how hard it had been to not ask about how he was doing and instead make bland small talk before you could finally disappear to your old room.

How could your parents not be friends anymore after your mothers had once joked about wanting a wine bar exclusively for them at your wedding? You didn’t blame your mom for telling his mother either, you knew that she only had good intentions and she’d always wanted the two of you to get back together.

In fact you weren’t completely innocent in the situation either. It was you who had applied for a position in Columbus after graduating this year after all, thoughts of what could be in the back of your mind even if you were adamant about denying it.

“You look good Y/N. I didn’t think it was possible but you’re somehow even more beautiful than you were the last time I saw you.”

You were about to remind him that the last time he’d seen you your eyes had been all red and puffy from crying – which was anything but beautiful – but before you could even get one word out the vintage kettle you had put on the stove to make tea let out its loud screeching noise, indicating that the water was done. You weren’t about to be rude and just Leave Pierre in the hallway just like that so without a second thought you invited him inside before turning around to take the kettle off the stove.

“Do you want some tea as well?”, you asked on a whim, not really knowing what else to do with the stranger that wasn’t really a stranger standing in the middle of your living room. He’d taken his shoes off by the door, apparently still remembering how you much you hated it when people wore shoes indoors and you watched him carefully drape his coat over the back of a chair.

“Sure, thanks.”

You took out a second mug and carefully poured the tea over the tea bags, the scent soon filling the apartment. It was the same tea you always drank during the winter months, ever since you were a little kid. Pierre grabbed the second mug off the counter from next to you and quickly took a peak at the label before giving you a knowing smile. You’d made that tea for the both of you so many times that this felt almost normal, even if your current situation was anything but.

“I’m sorry that you guys lost tonight”, you said to fill the silence that was now falling over the apartment. He looked over with a surprised look, raising his eyebrows.

“You watched the game?”

“Not all of it. I was busy decorating and doing other stuff around the apartment but I turned it on and checked the score from time to time”, you admitted sheepishly, raising the mug to your face in pretense of blowing to battle the boiling hot water but actually hiding away from his attentive stare. He’d looked at you all kinds of ways over your years with him but you had never been nervous because of it, except for that one night with him where he’d seen you naked for the first time and you’d lost your virginities to each other.

Thinking about sex with him wasn’t helping your cause either though because while the first few times had been a little awkward but still fun, the two of you quickly improved and the images of him above you or his head between your legs were only turning your cheeks even more red.

He seemed to drop the subject, thankfully, and instead moved over towards the Christmas tree, admiring your work. You slowly followed him, mug closely clutched to your chest and sat down on the sofa, admiring the way he looked in your apartment instead. The time apart had treated him well and while it was a bit weird to see him with a beard outside of playoffs there was no denying that he looked better than ever.

“I see you still like to live in an environment that resembles hell temperature wise”, he chuckled before he put down his own mug on the couch table and shrugged off his suit jacket. You tried your best not to stare as he popped open the first two bottoms of his shirt before moving on to roll up his sleeves while sitting down a respectable distance away but you were unsuccessful. For the first time you saw his tattoos, as his skin had been innocent and bare up until your breakup but you couldn’t ignore how good he looked with them. Your hands were itching to trace the patterns and because you didn’t entirely trust yourself to be able to control yourself you sat on them to avoid any embarrassment.

You hadn’t even realized that your Christmas playlist had continued playing over the speakers until the familiar opening tunes of “Last Christmas” filled the apartment. You quickly jumped up, reaching for your phone so you could stop the music from playing. It reminded you too much of the last Christmas you’d had with Pierre, now almost three years ago. You’d given him your heart and while he hadn’t exactly given it away he’d still broken it when he’d left.

When you turned back around you noticed the slight blush that painted his cheeks, he’d apparently come to the same realization as you. For a moment the silence was uncomfortable and you were reminded of the time right before the breakup when you didn’t know what to say or do around him, always walking on eggshells for fear of losing him. You’d lost him either way but that was beside the point.

Pierre cleared his throat before speaking up, ripping you out of your spiraling thoughts.

“Y/N I- I have to ask. Why are you here?”

You knew that you should just be honest and tell him that you were in a way here because of him but you weren’t ready to take that kind of leap just yet. You hadn’t kept up with his personal life for fear of finding something you couldn’t bear and for all you knew he could have a girlfriend right now.

“Well why are you?”, you simply responded instead, leaning back on the couch so you could properly gauge his reaction. You weren’t the one who had knocked on his door late at night.

“Fair enough, I guess”, he huffed before running his hand over his face in the way that had once been so familiar to you.

“When I read that text from my mom, telling me that you lived in Columbus now – that you weren’t thousands of kilometers away anymore I just had to see you. I called my mom to ask if she had your address and you have no idea how smug she sounded when she said she’d text it to me.”

You chuckled at his exasperated expression, knowing full well how his mother could be but stayed quiet to let him continue.

“The team knows about you as well and if I even told you half the shit I had to listen to when I practically sprinted out of the locker room you wouldn’t believe me.”

This made you laugh out loud and when you saw him smile at you fondly your heart skipped a beat for the second time that night.

“What I’m actually trying to say – but failing miserably at – is that I never really got over you and seeing you know only confirmed that. I can’t believe I let you go all these years ago, I was an idiot for thinking I could do it without you because I was absolutely miserable after leaving you”, he finished and you hadn’t even realized that you’d started crying until he reached up to gently wipe your tears away.

“Look I know that we can’t just continue like nothing happened but please bébé, please give me a second chance. I won’t leave you again, I promise.” The fact that he’d used the pet name he’d given you when you first started dating was all it took for you to leap towards him. He wrapped his arms around you as well, creating that perfect cocoon of Pierre that you’d missed so much. When he kissed your forehead this time you couldn’t feel your heart breaking, instead the warmth that flooded your body only glued all those pieces back together.

You knew that there was still a chance that he’d get traded again and that because of his job he’d have to spend quite some time on the road but you’d been miserable after he’d left as well. At least this time you’d know that he’d always come back for you.

“I’m so glad that our mothers love their wine nights and gossip, otherwise you never would’ve knocked at my door and I never would’ve gotten you back.”

“So we’re really doing this? We’re trying again?”, he asked, pulling you back at arm’s length so he could properly take a look at you. You nodded, not being able to stop the big smile spreading on your face.

“Would it be completely out of place if I kissed you right now?”

“Not at all”, you responded before crawling closer towards him until you straddled his lap. His hands reached up to cup your face, thumbs wiping the last of your tears away – happy tears this time – and then he finally pulled you in for a kiss.

Nothing felt more like coming home than kissing Pierre.

The way his lips moved against yours was so familiar that you couldn’t help but sigh into the kiss, reaching up for his shoulders so you could ground yourself in him while simultaneously getting lost in the way his body felt against yours. He buried his hands in your hair and his beard was scratching your skin but you didn’t care, instead letting him pull you closer and deepening the kiss until the only thought you could form was IloveyouIloveyouIloveyoustill.

Eventually you had to pull away though, both of you panting at the lack of air and the closeness of your bodies. It had been so long since you’d last felt his breath fan across your face like this, seen the look in his eyes as he looked at you with absolute wonder but it was as if nothing had changed, the two of you easily picking up where you left off.

“You know that our moms are gonna take credit for that, right? We’re never gonna hear the end of it”, he suddenly groaned and you giggled at his exasperated tone.

“I can live with that as long as it means that I get to have you with me again.”

He pulled you in for another sweet kiss before letting you go again, smiling up at you. You watched his gaze shift to something behind you, twisting your body in his lap so you could see what had caught his attention.

“Is that the Y/L/N Christmas angel? Did you steal it?” He stood up with you still in his lap, slowly putting you down before walking over to where you’d set the decoration earlier.

“It is but I didn’t steal it. Mom gave it to me so I’d have a piece of home with me. I’m not tall enough to put it on the top though and I haven’t gotten around to finding something to climb yet.”

“Need some help with putting it up? Here’s another piece of home ready to be climbed”, Pierre said, extending his arms to the sides and taking a step backwards so he was standing by the tree, angel still in one hand. You shook your head at him while laughing but you still moved closer, ready to climb him like a tree like you’d done hundreds of times before.

Still laughing you jumped on his back and he handed you the angel before wrapping his arms around your legs to support you. With combined forces you were able to complete the tree and Pierre let you down so you could both properly admire your work. 

Your dream had come true after all. 

You felt him move away from you before he was standing right behind you again, the famous tune of Wham! playing again over the speakers. He wrapped his arms around you from behind and you placed your hands on his forearms, slowly tracing your fingers over the black ink under his skin.

“You’re mon ange Y/N, you know that right? My angel. My someone special.”

Standing on your tippy toes you placed a soft kiss on his jaw before leaning your head back against him, not really knowing how to put your feelings in words right now but you knew he understood by the way he squeezed you tightly, resting his head on top of yours.

This year you’d given your heart to someone truly special.. again.

Feedback is always appreciated 🥰🥰