#not just for like Jean and Kevin either

[mapbottakeamap]

I'm pretty sure consistently not getting a good amount of sleep can like, actually be damaging to your heath. I know Tetsuiji wanted to maximize time on the court but I'm pretty sure having all of this athletes sleep deprived constantly is actually going to make his entire team worse.

[crazy-fangirl2524]

Seeing people reacting to tsc and them getting shock over things I thought was obvious and I was getting annoyed until I realised maybe not everyone reread aftg like a million times and have read most of the analytical posts and yeah maybe I am the problem instead

[s4pphoiduser]

in a world with an aftg show (because it Has to be a show, not a movie) seth would have a Pretty Guy actor playing him who looked even prettier when he was sneering or scowling and people would make edits of him with the velocity + slo-mo effects and be like "i can fix him"

[tiny-planet-13]

you know what's absolutely fucked (besides my inability to say a single sentence without cursing) is that I think that somehow, however improbable or disgusting this truth is, riko's abuse is at least half the reason why jean is still alive right now. (please bear with me) and I mean still alive as in the reason why he hasn't killed himself yet rather than someone else doing it.

idk quite how to explain but like, we can acknowledge that the nest and the ravens was a cult, right? and it's quite obvious that the ravens have been essentially brainwashed in their own ways into believing that the whole situation is normal and that's just how life has to be for them to achieve their goals and dreams in the future. but they don't know about the extent of the abuse that riko was inflicting on Kevin and jean and also Neil for his brief stay. (whether they had suspicions is besides the point because I suppose if it didn't affect their futures then there was no reason to care)

so the fact that a lot of the ravens end up killing themselves after the nest has been dismantled in tsc is almost entirely because of the brainwashing and the reliance they had on that awful structure.

however

as we see in tsc jean is also battling with trying to adjust to normality again, but the fact that he is actively trying says everything. sure, he's angry at everyone and makes empty threats and all the rest of it, but the fact remains that he is still willing to embrace change and learn and reluctantly heal. especially once he's with the Trojans, we don't really see jean deliberately working against what is being offered to him. sure, he makes mistakes and he gets angry and he struggles to cope BUT!! I don't think he's doing any of that intentionally because of course he's going to slip up on occasion. you don't just live in a hideous abusive situation for 5 years and then magically escape from it unscathed.

(I promise I'm actually getting to my point soon I'm sorry)

the reason he can go on and try and understand that killing himself isn't an option is because he knew that what happened to him in the nest was wrong and bad and evil. and whilst he still says things like he deserved it, I don't think that overshadows his understanding that it was still wrong. so whilst the other ravens had all accepted that this cult was the correct way for them to get what they wanted, horrifically enough I think riko's abuse is what kept jean aware that it wasn't normal.

so in some backhanded absolutely twisted and sick way I think the difference between jean and the rest of the ravens (particularly those who killed themselves) is that the abuse was so real and tangible to jean that it shattered any reliance he could ever truly have on the nest and is at least in part the reason why him killing himself on the phone to Kevin would never be as plausible as him finally clinging to an opportunity and trying to heal..

[weed-hotel]

rereading all for the game makes it even funnier to see kevaarons fandom popularity like i could swear they dont even talk in canon. and yeah its just a way to make kevandrew happen without disrupting andreil (even though the twins are nothing alike and fandom makes them like yandere stoic types when theyre NOT. i mean andrew a little but i digress) but still. hilarious

[foxstens]

unpopular opinion ig but i still don't think the 'it'll be easier if he remains heterosexual' line was about jean

[lesbiansfor-blackbeard]

because wymack is the one you call when you're just lost and you don't know what else to do

we know neil calls from the airport but he also calls from the mall, when teammates have dragged him out after andrew has graduated and there are too many people and he just wants to go home

kevin calls many times his first year out of school, alone, standing in the liquor aisle of the grocery store and just needing to hear that he still matters

seth would have called after he found out his wife was pregnant and he runs out the door. he calls wymack from his car in some parking lot and gets an earful and a game plan

maybe jean calls when he can't get a hold of kevin and hes spiraling. wymack doesn't let him hang up until jeremy is sitting next to jean and wymack has found kevin

dan calls after her aunt shows up. she has a spine she built herself, and wymack reminds of her of that. he reminds her that yes, she has a soft spot and wants to help, but that he wouldn't have made her captain if he didn't have faith in her ability to stand up for the foxes. and he reminds her that she is a fox as well.

renee just calls to talk. she calls because she worries about wymack as he gets older. she calls after her mom passes away. she calls just to keep in touch.

allison rarely calls. she sees him on holidays and misses him but she finds it hard to keep in touch. one morning a scandal breaks: a gossip site has found allison with her girlfriend. it's too soon, she didn't want everyone to know. and that's the face she puts on publicly, but the morning it breaks she calls wymack just to sit, and to remember the family she was and is a part of that will always have her back

andrew calls because he misses wymack but her never admits it. like neil, wymack was the first man who let him be safe, who listened as he crashed through his meds and let him be himself one night a week and believed in him. andrew calls to say nothing, but that's okay because wymack doesn't know what to say either.

it takes aaron a while to call. he liked wymack, sure, but he always knew his brother was the first choice. it's actually wymack that calls first after aaron graduates medical school with a "congratulations" and an "I knew you could do it" aaron starts sending pictures and videos of his daughters and he even tries to get the original foxes organized for a meet up once a year

nicky calls just to say hi, much like renee. but many years after they've all graduated he calls, and thanks wymack for gluing his family together when he was coming apart at the seams to keep his cousins from drifting.

matt calls after his first kid is born. "I don't want to be like my father" and wymack is a little taken aback because he has a hard time seeing how matt and his father are even related and eventually matt says "I want to be you." and wymacks heart heals a little when he hears that because he is so unlike his own father that one of his foxes wants to be like him

this got a little off topic but I love post-uni foxes

[adamsrcnan]

you know there's something really heartbreaking in the way jean deep down just really really wants to be loved. like he wanted kevin to look back at him, to see him over the court. even when he knew to stop wishing for it he still mentioned it because it still means something to him. he lets us know kevin could make him do anything and he knew it. he doesn't allow himself to call renee beautiful but he takes her picture with him to california anyway. and he adds her to his list of reasons to live. he could have said nothing when kengo died and riko was about to unleash his grief on him but he still texted renee. he knows he shouldn't bother looking at jeremy like that but he still does. and he doesn't even hide it either. because he wants it. he almost spits it out "why didn't they love me?" when he learns of elodie's death. because deep down inside it hurts so badly that nobody has ever really loved him. he goes around pretending nothing bothers him in relation to being loved. wears a mask so well that he doesn't need anyone. but he wants someone, anyone, to see him and want him back and that just fucking KILLS ME

[feelingthedisaster]

random aftg headcanons

dan gets a video camara and starts filming the foxes. years later, she founds all the tapes and makes a compilation

matt gives the freshman a brooklyn 99 style introduction of everyone

kevin chews gum, like, a lot. gum 24/7. its either mint or watermelon flavoured

the foxes give wymack a "n1 coach" mug for father's day one year. he pretends he is annoyed but he uses it everyday

jean likes to draw

kevin starts getting grey hairs at like 28 (wymack's genes)

renee knows how to tatto and she is actually pretty good, but doesnt do them often.

+she gave allison a butterfly tattoo on her shoulder

later in life, aaron gets a lot of people asking him for autographs thinking he is andrew. he just says "sorry, wrong twin" except when it's a little kid asking, only then he pretends he is andrew, he even learnt his signature

cat goes full gay panic when laila calls her catalina or cata, laila knows it so she does it on purpose

even though kevin prefers and mostly plays left-handed, sometimes he will just switch hands mid-games. like, "you thought you could mark me? sorry pal" and changes hands. it drives his opponements insane. they get used to him playing right-handed, he just switches back to his left. every defense player and coach hates him for that.

king mirrors andrew and sir mirrors neil

andrew and king have staring contents. king sits in the kitchen counter and andrew has to cook but doesnt want to move her so they stare at each other for entire minutes in complete silence. (king loses and leaves on her own to the couch). this happens more often than one would think

the cats LOVE neil's lap, specially sir. neil cant sit without getting a cat on his lap almost inmediately

pt2

[starlonging]

You know I waited and waited and waited for Jean to break down, to cry, to finally let it all out the entire time I was reading tsc but he didn't. Not when his mind flashed back to the Nest, not when he thought of "the Master", not when he thought of Riko. He could live with all that had been done to him by telling himself he deserved it but what finally broke him, ripped him open like the fraying edge of a tattered cloth was the realisation or perhaps the acceptance that his parents hadn't cared for either of them - him or his sister.

Wymack fought to keep Kevin safe even when he knew the risks and was oblivious to Kevin's parentage. He was willing to go to such great extents for someone who was essentially a stranger if not for some long lost short-lived association with his mother. He took on the mafia for Kevin and yet Jean's parents, his flesh and blood, couldn't be bothered to even keep his sister, just 12 years old - innocent to the world and its ways - alive, not even safe just alive.

It wasn't pain, mental or physical, that broke Jean it was betrayal.

(I'm so so glad that he has Jeremy, Cat and Laila at his back now who are willing to listen and wait until he's ready to tell and share his burdens. I'm glad he has Kevin who keeps him alive even as it is with some twisted promise and that he has Neil who will sit in the front of the FBI, lie through his teeth and order a hit on someone who hurt Jean as if he was ordering water at a diner)

[mcmeasle]

seeing how mostly normal, mostly well adjusted people react to the reality of the aftg universe is just such a goddamn gift

like the foxes truly just rolled with the punches. blood pouring out of Neil’s locker? sure. Neil actually has auburn hair and blue eyes? welp. what are you gonna do. still hot. Kevin has mafia ties? I guess that’s fine, he can stay. trying to fight the literal fbi to get your friend back? all in a normal day.

then we finally get to see from the Trojans some absolute GEMS.

“literally the most awkward way you could’ve worded it” at the way kevin says things as facts but really just sound like weird dialogue out of a b-movie thriller sometimes

Jean’s teammates being absolutely outwardly thrown by the scars on his body, screaming “what the fuck”

The “you know that’s not okay, or normal right”s

I love seeing the new perspective on the universe we’ve accepted as truth in these books

We live with the foxes for three books and they have all been so beaten down and lived in dark worlds that they’ve all learned to roll with the punches and punch back. Learning the new layer of how fucked up the world can be isn’t shocking to them, just an adjustment

The Trojans are gonna ask why you need to throw that punch or tell you that you shouldn’t have to take a punch either. And it’s not really a cult, right? No one could turn these kids into monsters for a sport, could they? I can only imagine what’s going to happen when they learn that jean was literally sold to a separate mafia family to pay off his own mafia family’s debts. that he was given to Riko like a pet.

The foxes have always watched the shadows across the room and waited for the ways they’ll change shape.

The Trojans are learning that the monsters under the bed are real and closer than they ever thought

[mini-minish]

nathaniel wesninski & andrew doe au i picked up from a 2021 sketch 🪓🖤🔪

notes under the read more!

• andrew doe gets adopted into the wesninski family when he's just a little older than nathaniel, who hasnt been sent to edgar allen tryouts yet, and andrew doe is trained to be his bodyguard since childhood

• mary doesn't like it, he becomes a weakness for her son and when she leaves she refuses to take andrew with them, so nathaniel stays, and in that mary never really gets to leave

• on the same day she fails at running away and nathan finds them, nathaniel loses his eye lolastyle

• one time when he's a little older, andrew receives a letter, from a boy who claims to be his twin. andrew minyard doe throws it to the fire, and nathaniel picks it up while he's turned, before it burns completelly

• from the day nathaniel gets injured because he refused to leave andrew behind, they go from annoyed acquaintances to inseparable friends

• he calls andrew "drew" and andrew pretends to hate it. later when theyre older the name "nathaniel" starts to weight, starts to sound weird, so he asks andrew to call him something else, and andrew calls him alex, stefan, adam, until they get to neil

• but he only calls him neil when theyre alone, when its a secret, when nathan cant hear them

• "nathaniel" takes up the axe. he's as good a hitman as the little devil of baltimore has to be. he hates it, hates the color red, the color of his hair

• one of andrew's first memories at the house is of nathan cutting a man to pieces and making him watch, making him learn not to flinch, but red is the color of neil's hair, soft, safe, soothing

• before that, though, theres little league. theres learning andrew is talented at exy, theres kevin day, and riko moriyama, and theres jean moreau

• i want jean and andrew to be funny about each other just for some levity here ok

• the reynolds are a renowed fashion brand, far from them to refuse big mafia money, so they work on suits, on silk shirts, on tailored pants, and allison reynolds is always joined by her friend renee when she goes with her parents for fittings

• renee walker meets andrew doe, and andrew thinks shes silly enough to keep in touch.

• kevin day leaves them, and neil realises he doesnt have to be kept either. kevin day gets to get out and nathaniel wesninski gets quieter.

• neil finds his uncle's contact among some of the things his mother left behind. from stuart he gets to ichirou. from ichirou he starts to make a plan

• riko moriyama is going to make a big announcement soon, something about the perfect court, something that will finally brand the rest of them as his, and well, andrew has always told neil how much he hates that the pen's ink makes the skin of his face break out

• and neil still has the address of a boy who claims to be his andrew's twin

• for whatever reason the moriyamas and the wesninskis have one of those rich people dinners planned. neil gets kevin to show up, nathaniel gets andrew to leave, kicking and punching and a promise broken

• later in the night, a little after the first course is served and they begin the socializations, neil gets kevin to leave, leave, run as far as possible, *now*.

• he sees jean, grabs his wrist, and takes him outside. theyre walking fast before neil starts running, and then the explosion comes from inside the house, from the basement, and knocks both of them out before they turn the corner. the hathford's men long gone from the scene.

• all renee walker and andrew doe see from where he's been waiting for the little voice at the back of his mind to make sense, is the house bursting on fire, believing that it does so with what he's supposed to protect still inside

• but since i can't bring myself to do this to them, andrew finds him, finds jean, and at the hospital finds stuart, who takes his nephew in

• he gets contacted by a man called david wymack, who was convinced by kevin day to offer them a place among his foxes :)

[chryseiswriting-blog]

No but I think the next TSC book is either going to be THICK, like GOT-level-chunky, thicker than the atmosphere big, or two books instead of one.

There’s just still so much content to cover, like:

- Jeremy’s background

- Jeremy’s trauma and crimes

- Jean’s sister

- Jeremy learning the full extent of Jean’s trauma and what Riko put him through in the Nest (I really want to see him learn the true reason Jean is scared of water).

- the culmination of their sexual tension and, at long last, a kiss 😌

- who wins in the championships (I know in the EC it is the Trojans, and that Nora said this book won’t be about Exy and the championships, but she also said that she wouldn’t be following the EC and there would be changes so I am curious to know if this changes.)

- Kevin and Jeans interview

- Jean and Neil’s interview / announcement of his true identity

- the fallout of Jean’s identity and how the Trojans react. Will Jean have to fight to stay like how Neil had to fight to stay?

- the Trial of Jeans parents

- Jean seeing his parents again

- the “big event” that is necessary in book plots, like with the reveal of Jeans sister and Neil’s spontaneous visit to LA in TSC, like will the next book be more about Jeremy since we got Jean in B1 or will it be still Jean focused? Or am I right and we will see TWO more TSC books (fuck I hope so)

Anyway, there’s more but I just woke up so there’s my theories thus far.

[daisyvisions]

[2:36AM] Wrapped Around Your Finger (k.s)

Warnings: Smut (18+, minors DNI),  jealous / possessive sunwoo, established relationship, shower sex, fingering, teasing, mentions of drinking, pet name (babe) Word count: 0.9K

A/N: After an eternity, I finally got to write for this ask that was sent in over a year ago 😭 tried my best to follow the request (though I feel like it’s not huhu) but enjoy nonetheless! Proofread once. Tagging @deoboyznet @snowflakewhispers @winterchimez @aimeecarreros

Sunwoo was seething the entire night. If you looked closely, you might even spot the steam coming out of his ears.

As much as he enjoyed seeing you have fun and drink to your heart's content, the one thing he didn’t appreciate was how out of control you could get with too much alcohol in your system.

From spilling a little too much information about your sex life with him to standing on a table and twerking your ass off with Kevin for everyone to see, he was slowly losing his own self-control.

Of course, he would never change the way you are, no matter how crazy you could get when it came to drinking. But seeing you dancing like that made him incredibly horny but also upset at the same time.

The way you swayed your hips to the rhythm of the music, the way you would flirtatiously look in his direction and call his attention with just your eyes alone, it was enough to get his cock stirring beneath his jeans. He wanted to whisk you away from everyone and just have you all to himself.

But the very image of you like this, especially when others can see you and probably have the same reaction as he did, that was making his jaw clench. If he had to take a shot for every whistle made at you or a pair of eyes that would gawk in your direction, he’d be shitfaced by now.

Only he can look at you like that and think about you in the most lustful ways possible, no one else.

He was starting to get incredibly possessive, even almost got up from his seat to drag you out of the bar. But he held back as much as he could because this was the most relaxed and happy he has seen you in a while, and he didn’t want to take that away from you tonight. You’d been so stressed out with work and just trying to balance everything in your life that this was the only time you got to let loose and not think about anything.

So instead of whisking you away right now, he decided to just wait until you were ready to call it a night or one of the boys would signal him that you’ve had enough. Either way, he just couldn’t wait to get home and remind you that he was the only one that could love you in ways that no other guy could.

The whole ride home you couldn’t stop talking about everything that had happened, you were practically yapping Sunwoo’s ear off, but he didn’t mind it at all. Well, to be honest, he wasn’t really listening to half of the things you were saying because he was too distracted with thinking of what he wanted to do with you later.

“And apparently Kevin and Juyeon were flirting with the same person and didn’t know about it! I mean, how could that even happen? They must’ve at least known something was off.” You told Sunwoo as he was helping you out of your outfit.

“Yeah? And what else?” Sunwoo responds nonchalantly as you both enter the shower.

“Mmm… Oh! You wanna know what Changmin told me too?” You turn around and start lathering shampoo in your hair.

“What did he say?” His fingers gently rub your scalp.

“He said that if we didn’t meet that time, he would’ve totally gone for me. Even said you cock-blocked him and all.” You chuckle, not paying attention to the weight of your words.

“Is that so?” Sunwoo can feel his blood boiling, telling Changmin to never say shit like that, especially to you. He quickly shakes off the feeling by grabbing the body wash and lathering it in his hands before soaping your body.

“Yeah! Can you imagine if that- if that….” Your speech starts to slur as you feel Sunwoo’s hands caressing your naked waist. You suddenly become quiet when his hands start inching their way to your chest, his body getting closer to yours as he starts to palm your breasts slowly.

“Mmm…” You lean your back against his chest as he continues to touch you, moaning when his fingers ghost your hardened nipples.

“What’s the matter babe?” Sunwoo leans forward to kiss your shoulder, his hands now moving down as he slips a digit between your folds.

“Sunwoo-” You beg as he starts circling your clit with the pad of his finger, his other hand on your hip as he pulls you closer. You instantly feel his erection pressed up against your ass, making your core throb as you try to keep yourself upright.

You cling onto his arms as he rubs you faster, trying to grind your ass against his manhood. But his grip on you tightens, making you whine from trying to feel him from behind.

“So desperate now, are we?” He tuts as he inserts two fingers inside your sopping cunt without warning. He pumps his fingers in and out of you so fast you don’t even have the time to react but just moan loudly.

“Sunwoo please-” You beg as you try to grab a hold of his hair.

“Please what?” He curls his fingers, hitting that spot that has your walls clenching around his digits.

“Ple- put it in, please. Been wanting your cock the whole night.”

“Yeah? Been thinking about me balls deep inside you?” He smirks, satisfied to know that you were all worked up without him even touching you earlier. You nod in response.

“Good, because only I can make you feel like this. Only I can give you what you want.” He bites your earlobe as he smacks your ass. “Understand?”

“Uh huh-” You turn your head and kiss him desperately. “Only you.”

“That’s my girl.”

[avianconcept]

Agency, value systems, and growth: the fate of the Perfect Court tattoos.

Been thinking about the Perfect Court tattoos today, and I’ve finally decided what I personally hope happens to Jean’s. I know there's a lot of discussion about a cover up like Kevin’s, suggestions like a flower, a sun, a fleur-de-lis; and I see that, but I raise you: he gets it completely removed. 

I think it has something to do with what the tattoos mean to each character. More specifically, how each character got them, and what that means to them. Most of this comes from a quote I found on my last re-read of TKM: 

The first time someone asked about Riko’s and Kevin’s tattoos, Riko hadn’t beat around the bush. He was the best striker in the game, he said, and he wanted everyone to know it. The story changed a little when Jean made his first public appearance with a “3” on his face. Riko was supposedly handpicking the future US National Team. He called it the ‘perfect Court’, and even though it was unofficial and unbelievably arrogant, his talent and upbringing gave some credibility to the idea. ‘

According to Neil in the first book, Riko and Kevin had been sharpie-ing on their numbers since they were children. This quote adds some more crucial context to that. It establishes that Riko and Kevin’s 1 and 2 came before the perfect court, and that the perfect court was what Riko decided their 1 and 2 (and newly minted 3) meant. This bit is what changed it for me, I think. 

Riko and Kevin are both referred to as the sons of exy. Both are heirs to the game, Riko through his uncle and Kevin through his mother. They do it to signal their place in the world of exy– heirs, future best in the game, destined for greatness. And then Jean comes along, and Riko changes the narrative. He comes up with the perfect court, and tells the world. The perfect court are his chosen players (read: his property). It furthers his control and possession of Kevin, who is allowed to be excellent, just not better than Riko. Kevin can be good, he just has to be good Riko’s way, subscribe to RIko’s model of success. 

Riko dies with his tattoo on his face. He dies clinging onto the idea of the perfect court, that he is the best, and that the only way to be the best is through pain and abuse. There is no real change for Riko in the series, so it fits that the way he’s marked himself (read: the way he defines himself) doesn’t change either. 

Kevin gets his covered up with the infamous chess piece. For Kevin, the challenge is reclaiming the sport that is also his birthright. He is physically free of Riko and Tetsuji, but mentally, he isn’t. Even with states between them and a new team, he is still understandably afraid of standing up to Riko. It goes against the status quo that has been beaten into him, and it takes him a while to be able to fully leave them and their limits behind. What holds Kevin back is that his greatness has always been defined. It has been defined by Riko, upheld by Tetsuji. He can be second best, a Raven, a prince to Riko’s King. Kevin changes his tattoo right before the final game– in order to beat Riko, he has to first reject Riko’s hierarchy, the limiting belief that was forced onto him that Riko was best, Riko was king. To me, its extremely fitting that Kevin’s evolution involved him putting his own mark on his talent. Instead of challenging Riko for ‘King’, or for that 1, he invents his own symbol. For Kevin, it's a reclamation of a game that was always partially his– just on his terms now. 

Neil’s tattoo gets burnt off by his father’s henchmen. This also fits well in my mind, because in my opinion, Neil’s number one challenge wasn’t actually Riko. Riko was Neil’s adversary, but Neil’s true terror was his father. The tattoos and their removal/evolution appear to be symbolic of the character’s growth, so it makes sense that Neil’s wasn’t on his face for long, and was taken off by (basically) his father. Each of the perfect court members had something keeping them trapped, things that wouldn’t let them grow into who they were supposed to be. Riko’s was the wound of his fathers rejection, and the toxicity created and maintained by Tetsuji. Kevin’s was Riko, and by extension Tetsuji. Neil’s is his father. Unlike Kevin, Neil’s not trying to be the best exy player in the sport. The sport makes him feel less like no one and nothing, and his continued playing is an expression of his will to live and his desire for personhood and a future. Neil wants better than what he has at the beginning of TFC, and the thing keeping him from that isn’t Riko. Sure, Riko is connected to the Moriyamas, and Ichirou owns his contract now, and Neil fights with Riko a lot. But to me, the thing that caused him real terror and stripped him of his personhood and autonomy was Nathan. Riko branded him with the 4, and Nathan’s people took it off, as if to say, “No, Riko isn’t who you have to reckon with, it’s me.” Neil’s internal fight was with being the butcher’s son, not with being number four. 

Jean’s situation is best described by a line in the EC– Jean never asked for this. 

In his own words, he loved exy, and was excited for what he thought was an opportunity to improve, but it doesn’t seem like he was ever vying for greatness. Then his father sold him, he was given the 3, and he was made perfect court. 

Much like Neil, didn’t have a say in his involvement. Unlike Neil, Jean adopts the mentality and hierarchy of the perfect court as his truth. Riko’s estimation of his value becomes his own. 

For Jean, the 3 has a lot to do with pain and self worth. In TSC, the only time Jean speaks positively about himself is when he calls himself perfect court, or when he talks about himself as a backliner. He has been conditioned that the only place he has worth is on the court. Nothing is important about him, just about what he is, the position he occupies. Where his personhood and bodily autonomy is denied over and over, his talent cannot be denied on the court. He is allowed to matter on the court, and nowhere else. In a sense, that 3 becomes the only thing about him that could be his. 

The other thing about the 3 is that he didn’t ask for it, but he has bled for it. So much of his relationship with the Ravens is defined by his rank.  Even though the Ravens do not like Jean as a person, they want to be his partner, to have that 4. The reason someone protects Jean from repeated sexual assault is that 3, and how it could lead to a 4. This is why Zane strikes a deal with him, why Grayson goes all the way to the Gold Court to hurt him. It is what the sexual assault from the backliners is blamed on. The 3 was given to Jean as a mark of something he didn't ask to be a part of, and then he was forced to fight tooth and nail to keep it.  It became the defining part of his identity because he wasn’t allowed to have anything else. He wasn’t even allowed to have his name. 

In my opinion, I think that the ultimate expression of Jean’s growth would be to take the tattoo off. He doesn’t have to subscribe to that value system. Covering it would feel like half assing it. He can change it, but he has to keep a tattoo of some sort, because Riko put one there. 

Note that I don’t think of the cover up the same way for Kevin. For Kevin, exy was likely always going to be important to him, with Kayleigh as his mother. He is inheriting it, same way Riko is, and this inheritance is symbolized by that 1 and 2. Kevin wanted to be the best, and so the ultimate expression of his healing is him becoming the best his way. Jean has his tattoo because he is seen as an object, a talent investment belonging to the Moriyamas. What is a limit for Kevin is a brand for Jean. 

For Jean, I think true freedom wouldn’t be freedom to be the best, it would be not having to be the best. It would be not having exy be the most important thing in his life. To not need to defend something he didn’t want. I hope he becomes so sure of his worth in the world, and so sure of his own autonomy that he doesn’t need the 3 to tell him he’s worth something. I hope he realizes that he is his own before he is anyone else's, and doesn’t need to carry around a value that someone else gave him.  

In TSC, the legacy, abuse, and dehumanization of the Nest is killing Ravens as soon as the Nest is taken away. Without the strict environment and the imposed value systems the Nest and team gave them, the Ravens crumple. They seem to feel they can't go back (I suspect that whether ‘back’ means back to their old lives or back to the Nest is different for every Raven), and that death is their better option. Ravens don’t seem to be meant to survive outside the Nest. It is designed to be all consuming. Jean doesn’t know who he is if he isn’t a Raven, if he isn’t perfect court, if he isn’t ‘3’ anymore. To live again, he has to leave the perfect court and its poison behind. He has to learn himself again, to rebuild and repair and create out of nothing. 

Neil says it about Grayson, that he could have chosen to walk away from Riko’s poisoned legacy, but it applies to all Ravens. To survive, to live a life worth living, they have to chose to fight their way out of that kind of thinking. Taking the tattoo off feels like him choosing to leave the Nest behind. Jean taking it off represents him shedding that entire ideology. No three, no expectation, just him and whoever he wants to be. 

In short, the toxicity that the perfect court represented killed Riko with its symbol still on his face. 

The Moriyama’s never really owned Neil, and they weren’t who he had to overcome. The tattoo was never going to be around long. 

Kevin was held back from his birthright. His potential was conditional, and there was a leash on him. He needed to reclaim the game that would always be his, mark himself in his own image. 

Jean needs to see himself as a person beyond his place on the court. He needs to walk away from the perfect court ideology and reclaim himself, with no one’s mark on him. 

[marlboroonice]

It’s high time I talk about Jerejean. The pacing of Jerejean is just perfect to me. Like in each POV, they’re checking each other out constantly. Jean is equal parts ashamed and frustrated in bisexual. And Jeremy is like “This is a bad idea… But oh no he’s hot.”

But this internalized attraction doesn’t bleed too far into how they interact. They feel natural. Circumstantial, sure, but their relationship is still blooming like a daffodil. Jean is still bringing in the Raven mindset when it comes to Jeremy, but their chemistry is off the rails even then. We get a reciprocated hug! We get multiple chin grabs, but more importantly “Who did this to you?” We get Jeremy rushing to Jean’s aid when he’s choking himself. We get Jeremy trying his absolute best to take care of Jean. To listen to him. To show him it’s okay to be vulnerable. We get the duo: Jean “I want to be left alone” and Jeremy “Even by me?” We get Jean admitting to himself after Jermey said, “Stay with me” that it’s the safest he’s ever felt in his room and, more slyly, there’s enough room for two beds. Jeremy might be doing it out of a sense of duty, because Kevin trusted him, because he’s just a good person. After all, Jean says that the captain of the Sunshine court can’t be a villain; but how long till he realizes that his care for Jean runs deeper than that and vice versa?

Either way, Jerejean is perfect in this novel. This is pure attraction, secrets, and an ending we’re dying to hear. Nora left food for thought about Jeremy’s past and left room for Jerejean to grow. They’re just as deep and intricate as other relationships in this series, even if the readers are more aware of their attraction towards one another. But most importantly, there’s hope for them. Kevin and Renee have to be mentioned here. We have unrequited love or a relationship that they will never be able to properly repair (</3), and a right person wrong time problem.

Jean has had these “failed” romantic relationships. But it’s all for a reason and I just neeeeeed to see where Jean and Jeremy do it right. I love them, your honor.

Anyway, one of my favorite one-liner internal monologue moments from Jean below: