#not in the least afraid of ruins | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

ellisdee161 · 1 year ago

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The Monster Akefalos 2023

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ruporas · 2 years ago

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deserving to be held

#vashwood #vash the stampede #nicholas d wolfwood #i feel like i made many pieces with this similar message but its just bc the thought of vashwood coming from loved backgrounds and having #been taught how to love.. been taught how to care and knows what that feels like and then having it ripped violently from them for years #to the point they're both afraid to touch each other and feel undeserving of the love they receive even though they both know they love the #other and yearn for it deeply #it's a long healing process and i dont think they had enough time to fully process it together but at least #they can steadily learn the warmth of another again before the end #correct me if im wrong but the only time canonically that vashwood hugged was in vol 10 and it actually sends me into ruins #u know. the half hug when vash caught ww and gripped his side like that.#like hoooow whyyyy waughhauhguhgss #ruporas art

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deathberi · 5 months ago

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☀️🎡☁️‎

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helielune · 4 days ago

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and stalling only goes so far when you've got a head start

#nobody talk to me i am so fucking IN AGONY #HEAD IN HANDS. AT LEAST SOME PEOPLE CAN BE HAPPY???????#jinx #jinx arcane #powder #powder arcane #arcane #arcane spoilers #im afraid i have to admit guys i just stopped watching after this episode. it was so fucking (bitter) sweet and by far the happiest #i've ever been post-arcane-episode #god!!!!!!! i don't want to ruin the high!!!! and i don't want to see everyone start fucking suffering for their lives again !!!!!#in my defense i finished at like 8 am after not sleeping all night so. i was also tired. but now after waking up #i just don't want to continue Even More o777 #arcane season 2 #arcane s2 #arcane s2 spoilers #arcane season 2 spoilers #idk how fast people usually watch episodes so i'm mass tagging even more than usual #god fucking. aughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh #time taken on this like 3-4 hrs #in my current state of mind (completely off my rocker abt this show) i can probably fuel like Months worth of fanart #from just this one episode. sooooo what if i just never watched the rest fhhggggskfjnfnfnfndjsjd #nah i know i'm gonna end up watching it. eventually. soon probably but idk how soon. anyways. peace out guys. live laugh love 😭😭😭😭😭#my art #the funny thing about this is that i drew it facing the opposite way and then flipped it to check and never. flipped it back.#uhhhhh. don't worry about it

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beanmaster-pika · 1 year ago

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I bet when Silver was very small he just called Malleus by name but eventually someone told him that they’re supposed to address him with a title and he stopped and Malleus, whose whole thing is that his status and strength have prevented him from forming meaningful attachments with most people and he feels isolated because of it, went home and didn’t come out of his room for three days.

#lilia: well he would have had to switch to honorifics once he was knighted anyway-#malleus staring forlornly out of a window at the rainstorm he caused: YOU don't use honorifics for me #lilia: thats bc i helped raise you i have godfather privileges #trust me on this okay. trust me.#I think usually little kids are afraid of malleus (look at him. he’s tall and intimidating) but little silver just Adored him #they grew more distant after silver and sebek began their training because silver didn’t want to be disrespectful as a knight #and malleus had to respect those wishes BUT by god was he sad about it #for the first time in his life he was family before he was a liege or heir!!#at least the care is still there and silver will remain close to him but it’s different yknow?#silver: calls malleus lord for the first time #malleus holing up in his chambers with a carton of ice cream: my disappointment is immeasurable and my day is ruined #pika’s ramblings #twst #twisted wonderland #silver vanrouge #malleus draconia

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rerhapsody2 · 5 months ago

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It's so weird being out on certain parts of the internet but then forcing myself back into the closet on other parts of the internet.

#text post #lgbtq #ramble #lgbt #trans #ftm #closeted #closeted trans #on my art socials I'm out and I've been out for like at least 4 years atp #but then whenever I have socials for people I know irl I'm like half closeted #like I have my head peering out the closet because I'm afraid some people won't take me being a black queer trans guy well and I really #don't want to ruin the relationships I have but at the end of the day I can't let people who judge me stay in my life

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roachemoji · 5 months ago

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#bo posting #vent #i just got hit with like #lonliness? isolation? mild ostricization??#almost everytime i go out i see another queer person. i dont go out much so its not like a lot but ya know #and when its other trans people specifically its this feeling of like... safety in that aomeone else here understands #specifixally how fucking hard it is to live here and be openly and visibly trans #and then i realize i dont have anyone in my life like that #its a good feeling seeing other trans people i dont care how many times i see them its the only times i truly feel understood #and i ??? dont. have that in my day to day #i wish id had the courage to talk to the person at the pharmacy #i wish i didnt feel so... shot down? dismissed?#i cant talk about it. at least i dont feel like i can #i just ruined my own day lmao #supposed to get my shot done like a ducking week ago but i keep getting too afraid to ask #fuck

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theophagie · 4 months ago

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I'm not good at this staying away from social media on purpose thing. Anyway cringe diary time but whenever I'm with my friends and the partners topic comes up I'm left 🧍‍♂️ because oftentimes they lament things that honestly sound good to me... and then I reflect on what kind of relationship I would be comfortable in in general and go "mhhh yeah let's just be sympathetic and say nothing else right"

#''we see each other so little :('' ''how little'' ''like twice a week :(('' ''ah. that's. rough.''#<- *thinks that meeting once a week/every other week with little to no contact through any other means would be an ideal deal*#idk man i just work here!!! and it's not a matter of commitment issues because i Would be committed to that and blah blah blah. just.#i don't think i'm able to put out what's generally expected in these things. emotionally and feeling-ly. big doubt.#and i'd haaate to have someone constantly all up in my business and be needy and expect things from me and shit #and even if the chance came around and someone was like ''yeah absolutely i'd be fine with that''#i'd be Terrified of them eventually expecting more anyway... *cat hiss*#idk. tldr. committed not romantic romantic but something maybe idk relationship is where it's at for me #but i'm afraid that outside of specific spaces the general public ain't ready to hear about those. and even then. Well.#(--_--)#mytext #i am not above fantasising about being someone's emotionally unavailable boygirlfriend #and ruining their life for a little while because they like me too much for their own good though i'm afraid. kek #i mean. i won't say already been there done that because. COMPLETELY different circumstances there not similar to this in the least. But #Anyway! BYE again see you on sunday for real this time for the la. for the last. for the last b//nha chapter....... uuuoogghhhh............

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expressionless-fr · 6 months ago

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#rando paranoid girl who was a member of my provate channel decided to trauam and paranoia dump in my inbox #saying how she is afraid of me coning and kill her in extreme details.#I am sadistic and cobtrolling thede shitty thoughts on top of aspd. npd and conditioning is hard as fuck #I hate it here #I can't get this urge to go away #I need help but even mentioning these anywhere can ruin my reputation #the shit dang thing I created so fragile.#it's so hard to control it now #I tried to sleep through it but didnz't work #i just wish i was normal #or at least wasn't this sadistic #shit hurts. only if it wasn't for my ep and the need to have a big following somewhere to get money and escspe from my place #i wouldve acted on them long ago #mine #vent #im so sick im wbout to throw up

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basaltbutch · 1 year ago

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something that fucks me up most about my lola's death is the fact that. out of the massive amount of paintbrushes and art supplies i got after her death only a few show signs of any use. and all of her paintings were unfinished.

#it speaks #there was this one painting she'd been working on since i was 14 or so. 15?#at least 5 years. and it always stuck out in my mind bc she never really touched it bc she was afraid of ruining it #even though really all it was. was a sketch and some underlayers.#she was very much a perfectionist when it came to paintings and bc of that. :(#idk. its hard to verbalize how i feel about it all.#just thinking about it while i use her supplies to make patches

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warblingandwriting · 11 months ago

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Okay so I'm finally starting the second Dune book and the introduction states that people disliked it when it came out because it subverted Dune's 'classic hero story'??? And maybe it's just because I first read the book as an adult, but I felt like even the first book was shouting from the rafters that it is very intentionally criticizing that type of story.

Like, the only reason Paul is seen as prophecised hero is because the Bene Gesserit intentionally seeded planets with made up prophecies so that they could one day, if they ever needed to, get the people under their sway. He is completely manufactured- and that whole shebang is not presented in a good light. It's basically an out and out criticism of colonialism.

I mean, the entire novel (to me) feels like direct response to Burroughs' Barsoom series, basically upending the idea of the epic hero taking his place as king of the native people of that planet by explicitly telling the reader that it was all manufactured from the start, and that actually, at some future date, he will destroy the very people he is now claiming to want to help. Like - his final vision does not show a bright or happy future, the book ends of a very dark note.

It makes me excited for the second book that these themes are obviously going to be more present, but I am a bit taken aback that people didn't realize them in the first book at the time.

#Dune #science fiction #sci fi #classic sci fi #books #reading #my thoughts #Like aside from a lot of the political machinations I feel like the plot aligns fairly well with princess of mars?#and specifically calls it out #I mean the colonizers (really including Leto in the first novel) are pretty explicitly in the wrong thew whole time #I don't mean that it's perfect #and that it executes this message without any use of harmful tropes or stereotyping the Fremen #but like... Paul being Just A Kid following a completely fabricated prophecy and bringing ruin to a people because of it is pretty prominen #we like Jessica are supposed to be critical of-and afraid of-what he becomes at the end #entirely concerned with political motivations and losing at least a bit of the compassion he once had

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hella1975 · 1 year ago

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CHAPTERS 7 AND 8. UM

the way these were such insane chapters and now it's probably gonna go right back to sports drama. fun

#it's uh. yeah. so that's a thing that happened #it's like WHY did nora feel the need to have nicky do that. like the spiking at the very least i can push my luck and be like #oh in andrew's head neil is an Actual Threat to kevin bc he thinks neil is connected to the ravens and here to ruin kevin's life #therefore as he's prone to do he's resorted to extreme measures to get an honest answer #but WHY did nicky kiss him. WHY did he sleep in the same bed as him. andrew would literally gut him if he knew like why was that a thing #'i am kind of obsessed with andrew i am afraid' id be fucking shocked if you werent he's everything we collectively love in a character #that's my little freak my best friend even. he IS genuinely hilarious like his dialogue and mannerisms are why nate is Like That #ask #aftg

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redheadarcher · 9 months ago

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the only satisfactory part of the comic 💜

#i still think it could've been better &#i am afraid they'll ruin everything #in the next issues #but at least #the art is pretty good so #it's a point on their favor #12. ❅ parтnerѕ ιn crιмe ( мoм & dad ) ❅

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lost-victorian-sailor · 1 year ago

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spending last weeks of summer reading mickiewicz's poetry and trying to relax. can't say that things are going well but still. sometimes it's nice to be alive

#school starts in the second half of september so i got some time before it #i am not ready to say the least #it will be a new environment and my perfectionism is going to ruin all the benefits of studying #i am so afraid ugh #i will need to study but i will need some time to do my research but i will need to prepare for exams #but i will need to read and i will need to do homework and also spend time with friends and eat and sleep #how will i manage to do all of it?#LOL you somehow managed in the past

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delta-piscium · 1 year ago

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mmh and what if i rewrote an entire wip just to change the pov what then? (tears, that's what)

#the inherent romance of dnd i made two versions of one in past and one in present tense my indecision creates soooo much work for myself #yet that fic is riddled with typos and autocorrect stuff bc i write on my phone a lot- i mean i think so at least im too scared to go look #if i do this im gonna have to finish both and just pick one and maybe you're thinking 'hey del just do a pov switch all ur problems will be #solved' and to that i tell you- too easy- why pick the logical solution when i could not? hmm?#im just iffy about pov switches honestly like when used right they're amazing and i adore them but they can also really ruin a story for me #so im afraid tbh although- im thinkinh maybe for this a pov switch could work? or not? could be bad could be good? im just ugh idk #and like if bad then which pov woooooouuuuld be better ): )): so writing both haha ha ahaha hah #dels endless rambles

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harmonizewithechoes · 2 years ago

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#2022 was such a long and grief filled year #ever since I became an adult I’ve felt like an acrobat on a tightrope far above the ground #I thought I’d die if I fell #if I made any mistakes it would be over I’d have ruined my life #and then it happened- I fell #dropping out of college seemed like a really big failure at the time (though it has since proven to be one the best things I’ve done)#and my parents were there to help me pick up the pieces #they were the safety net below me that I couldn’t see #and then when I became a mom I felt like I was failing every single day #and every single day I knew I could at least call my parents and they’d be there to cry to and ask for advice #over and over again they caught me and I became less afraid of falling #but last year my dad died and it changed everything #it completely yanked the safety net out from under me #sure I have my mom but she’s a completely different person now #she tries so hard and does so much for us but losing my dad has had a profound effect on her and I can’t ask her to catch me #I worry it’ll break her #so there I was on the tightrope without a net this time #and then we found out we were having our third child- not unwanted but completely the wrong time #I fell again and this time it felt like the world came crashing down #suddenly my life was far too big and I had to shrink it all the way down so I could get out of bed #I didn’t talk to anyone except my partner and my mother #it was the only way I could give everything I have to my kids #but I didn’t have the capacity to maintain friendships and I lost them as well #and now I’m doing a lot better but I don’t know how to grow my life again and be okay inviting people back in #partly because I’m not sure if I may have hurt anyone and if I did then I don’t deserve to just come back #but also because I don’t know that anyone actually noticed or cared and it would be pathetic to draw attention now if no one cared #I’m comfortable with the world being small right now- it’s safer- but my kids deserve better #they deserve friends and they can’t have friends right now if I don’t socialize #I’m not sure how to do this #but I hit the ground and I didn’t die and now it’s time to climb back up and try again

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