#not in a bad way just hmmmmm
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[playing sleepwalk on loop] oh siffrin save me ... save me siffrin....
#maybe *I* was memory issues man all along .... /ref /hj#idk looking back on ISAT is making me go#oh#Uh Oh#not in a bad way just hmmmmm#sky rambles
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this is a test
#i��m bored i just wanna see how many words i can put in the tags like will it just keep going on forever or will they stop me like i know th#the tag limit is 30 ok so the iindividual tag limit is 140 characters that’s actually so rude i wanted to keep going forever and see how lo#g this could be but i guess we can do this 30 times ok what the flip should i talk about hm i was playing the guitar today but i rage quit#ause the song was hard and hurting my fingers! ermmmmm it was sunny ok this is boring let’s think of more exciting things to type hmmm acco#ding to all known laws of aviation- jk i’m not doing the bee movie script but can you imagine i think that would be funny hmmmmm words i lo#e podcasts so bad that’s a fact no one has ever know before my blog definitely isn’t all about audio dramas the people are definitely not a#ready aware of this jesus christ this is only the seventh one of these this is actually quite a lot of space i underestimated how much i ha#e to type btw there’s probably spelling mistakes in here somewhere or autocorrect has been annoying but i cba to retype anything so i don’t#care lolllllllllllll how do you feel about oscar malevolent i feel a normal amount actually (lie) yk what i really miss sam and colin alrea#y like i’m actually not okay i really hope we hear from sam again in s2 and also colin ngl i hope ur in the computers soz or not dead miss#im like a bastard my paranoid it king ok erm im running out of things to say um heartstopper s3 was crazy good i cried lmao i love gay peop#e so much it’s crazy i hope it gets renewed for s4 i need to reread the comics lowkey and the books they’re all so talented for being so yo#ng it scares me ngl !!!!!! the tmagp hiatus is getting to me slightly like february in reality is soon and not that far away for how podcas#ts go but seriously how am i supposed to live until then without knowing what happened. please colin be alive. ive only just realised i can#use fills stops. sorry that’s made everything a bit messy. i should’ve been doing this before. whoops. anyways. hi mutuals i love you all s#much i hope you enjoy my rambles and shitposts cause i enjoy yours very much! never think you’re being annoying i literally don’t care be a#annoying as you want posts as much as you want i am ur biggest fan <3 im getting a bit fatigued from typing like my mind is blank basically#now it’s just turned into a. stream of consciousness but i don’t really have any thoughts to put here idk if we’re halfway ermmmm omg it’s#lmost halloween how crazy is that time is flying by i kinda forgot it was october lmao. it’s wild how it’s basically almost christmas. like#what. that’s illegal. how is it wintertime again. what the flip. i miss summer already take me backkkkkkk. i hope my phone doesn’t crash or#smth cause i’ve not saved this as a draft and i cba to do any of this again. maybe i should save it. ok i will when i reach the next tag bc#ok it stopped me but i’ve saved it and holy jesus it’s a lot of text im just sat here giggling there’s really no point to any of this other#than me being bored sooooooooooooooooo (imagine if i just did the letter o for every character wouldn’t that be crazy) so wait there’s 140#haracters and 30 tags so what’s 30 x 140. someone hurry. i haven’t done maths lessons in two and a half years i’ve forgotten everything wai#let me get the calculator app ok im back it said 4100 characters so. i dont know how many words that roughly is but its. a decent amount. o#what the flip why am i wasting tag space with maths. i hate maths. my screen time has been actually soooooooooo bad recently like damn some#one put my phone in a block of ice please joshua gillespie style. my mind is running out of things to say. do i talk about myself. im james#im 18 which is weird cause wdym im an adult go away. ive run out of facts. i love podcasts and procedural dramas that stupid firefighter sh#w is my life unfortunately. i think chappell roan should be the queen of england instead of king charles. i dont like having a king cause#ho needs men in power not me. ok um this is the last tag equal rights for all. yolo. the time will pass anyways! thank u boredom ok bye gn:
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YES my username on yt is a blood bros reference :33 i need to go to crimes world again i know in my heart and soul that i love her but i seldom show her attention .. i need to care her more ..
HOOFRAY!!!! also pretty please do!!!!!!! for me!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#such a good album it is Insane that like. you never really see it talked about outside of certain spaces#and even then it was originally derided for being much less heavy than its predecessors#such a smart album lyrically and even in just like certain songs like peacock skeleton with crooked feathers#which btw is my go-to song to introduce people 2 them#for obvious reasons. the way the vocals play off each other#the keyboard#aforementioned lyrics because man they’re good at writing political lyrics that are simultaneously very pointed and relevant to this day#and also just plain fun. the way they word stuff rolls off the tongue very well#which I suppose is very much in part to Whitney being a very literary guy from what I’ve read up about him#SPEAKING OF!!!!! Jesus Christ the vocals. the vocals#(positive)#very very powerful for a guy who was like…. 21-22 at the time of recording I’d reckon?#I know whitney’s vocals are a turn off for the band for most people but imo? it’s one of the main appeals. 2 me he is like an insanely good#vocalist. almost jealous that he can hit those notes as a cis guy and I can’t cause omfg in like. wolf party near the end#HOW DOES A GUY MANAGE THAT…..#I love how they incorporated elements of other genres in it. like I don’t see them as indie rock like people#for whatever reason#like to describe them as in that album#but you can hear the elements. bringing up wolf party again cause nick zinner did some of the guitar in that and he’s in an indie band no?#yeah yeah yeahs or whatevs. they’re cool seeming I should check ‘em out#ALSO sorry I kind of glossed over Blilie. he’s really fucking good in the album obvs!!!!#pretty sure he did the album art which. omfg it’s had an aesthetic chokehold on me as of late#and also just. he has a nice voice#the sort of warbley thing he has and also his screams… goated#contrary to my posting#I’m actually a bliliegirl I’d consider myself lol. Whitney happens to also have a psychic chokehold on me#this is obvious. I go by Johnny and want to go blonde HMMMMM I WONDER WHY..#my bad for rambling in tags I just. I love that album so deeply#it’s very meaningful to my identity and songs like the title track and beautiful horses just. get me right at my core#evil neighing compilation
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Staying homee <3
#camera talks#had the worst bloody nose of my life today (5-10 mins)#made me very light headed and no fun </3#anyways I just feel Bad in very way rn (probably gonna start my period soon?) so I’m home#*every way#hmmmmm#bored but I have a lot of work to do but also very very tired like so tired
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As a fic writer, I actually... like that gerudos have messy gender problems which make them severly imperfect in many aspects?
Like not to ignore how problematic it all is originally, where it comes from and how we're supposed to look at it (it's bad) --but, like with Ganondorf, I love gerudos when they are a little ungood about a lot of things, and examine the ramifications and how to give them grace and humanity in spite of the sexism targeted at them, and the sexism they beam out into the world as well as a reply; not as endorsement, but as a way to examine how damaging gender can be from multiple conflicting angles.
Also, yeah. Yeah, reproduction gets super weird. It can be fetishization from the writers' part (and it very well may be, and it is probablyyy alsooo), and/or (hopefully just or)... it can be its own extremely fucked up can of worms they have to live through and live with and reclaim and survive.
I don't know, just to put out there that the (rightful and normal) response to the canon reality that "gerudo gender stuff is weird and uncomfy" can *absolutely* be to redefine their gender and make them more inclusive as opposed to hylian rigidity (that isn't that rigid if I'm being honest), but it can also be to vivisect what sort of flawed people would be molded by this cruel and rigid understanding of reproduction and gender carved out of hurt, external projection, messy compromises and vindictive traditions.
I don't know, maybe I'm biased, but I don't always feel super onboard with the urge I sometime see to smooth out the flaws of fictional (or real) cultures to prove they deserve salvation. I don't know, no culture should need to prove itself perfect (according to external moral judgements) to avoid cultural genocide (I feel like we're almost threading the Ganondorf Redemption grounds again in a way?). Sometimes you're little gremlins and you suck and you hurt each other and yourself and the world, and you still deserve empathy and humanity because you, like... exist.
Not that it's wrong to want to invest into alternate gender understanding of the gerudos, not at all! Quite the contrary, I ADORE to see all the ways people make the weird rules or that strange culture their own. It's just one of the many ways to navigate this; every single one fascinating in its own right.
#thoughts#gerudos#gerudo#gender thingies#tloz#ganondorf#I feel like the reproduction implications are really.... what lose people#and honestly it's 100% fair#it's messy!!!!#making extremely subtextual strides at the notion of what consent can even look like in such a society in descant#because hhhh it's just very hmmmmm :/ :/ all around#but it's okay to explore that aspect for what it can be also#and do that in a way that isn't too gross (I hope)#sometime fiction (and life) do be uncomfy like that#it's two parallel roads#both of them talking about gender and its limitations and violence except very differently#again what matters is what speaks to you the most!#the way that feels the more true to your own experience is where truth is in fiction so it's what must be followed imo#it's just that I sometimes feel like there is only one (1) moral route available and anything else isn't even worth consideration#almost painted as Bad by default?#and I disagree#it can be just as rich and revelatory imo#tho it is way less comfortable to navigate for suuure for sure for sure for sure....
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the untreated depression is depressioning so bad today 👍
#I have unfortunately been alone all day today while everyone else has been at work and hmmmmm#has not been great for my brain tbh#I’ve done lots of art and stuff around the house like chores but oh buddy I needed someone to chat shit with so bad#my brain problems manifest in a way that makes me feel very not human#that sounds v weird of me but it’s like#idk#very dog-like is the best way to describe it#like hm need enrichment need companionship#the YouTube let’s plays are not doing it anymore lmao#I did laugh once or twice at a lethal company video one of my favs did w his friends but like#hmm no#just ended up making me more sad tbh#seeing people have fun w their friends while I’m here rotting in a (very cold!) house jdjdjdjd#idk it’s silly I know but then family have got home from work and like#no one’s bothered with me#for more than a couple of minutes#and I know if you want to spend time w people you have to ask but I legitimately#do not even have the energy to ask#I just feel shite and angry and sad and irritable#and then like a good layer of numb so it feels a bit like uh#you know how things sound muffled when you’re under water#it’s like that but with emotions#idk I feel watery on the inside if that makes sense#but I don’t even have the energy to cry dhdhhddj#shit sucks man I want my energy back please I do Not enjoy being this way
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based on clips i've seen from the magical misfit series (i will get to it eventually) it's looking like Aabria has a thing for "npcs that feel like they would have been innocent/sweet before this scene having Something Wrong With Them in a Creepy Way due to Magic and i'm not sad about that it's just i wish she wasn't so good at it, yknow?
#cj d20 liveblog#like that girl with the bitten-off ear and the twitch + nosebleed?? (was she a mila?) you just know that she was So Sweet#and now... like something Bad-bad is gonna happen to her#betting a player character will find her collapsed somewhere with odd physical wounds#(or no obvious wounds.. which would be worse?)#also because i am a wcgirlie at heart that 'burning mineral' smell immediately sounded like pavement to me?#like post-apocalypse humans-long-gone pavement-mostly-corroded but you could still find patches of it?#it *has* to tie into the blue though bc that's how storytelling works#and the blue is being described as just so Vast that i'm not entirely sure if there's a way to make it a human by-product#hmmmmm best way to learn is to keep watching lol
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Mystery bugs in my home and I don't recognize them! I've seen a few around at this point and might make a more formal post about it tomorrow but, mystery bugs below the cut if anyone wants to take a shot at helping me ID them:
Not the best pics but it's got an abdomen with clear markings that make me think either roach or earwig, but photos of the nymphs of either don't seem to be matching up; granted I only looked for maybe 5 minutes and mightve missed something obvious but this guy's not ringing any bells for me
#I'm about to head to bed and have quarantined the perpetrator; i feel a little bad but i dont know what he is yet#I'd feel comfortable letting an earwig or smthn like that hang out but. i have reasonable suspicion hanging around this man#bc the apartment is a little messy and. if he is a roach i may bail and look for another room U_U full respect to them#ive seen lots of pet roaches and they make me quite happy to see but idk if I want them free roaming my house...#especially knowing i can't kill them; last time i killed bugs it was a bunch of ants in the pantry and it took an emotional toll on me 😭#I'd go the long and intensive route if it means i can keep them all alive but i know a lot of people don't swing that way#in that particular case i figured my roommates would prefer the ants to not be able to come back + the way to the backyard#door I would have taken them out of wasn't easily accessible so. massacre it was U_U#if you wanted to know ANYTHING about the type of person i am know that i physically cannot kill a bug or else I'll start crying#they're literally just little guys they're just existing!!! i can't punish them for just hanging out!!!! anyways#unfortunately small photogenic man may perish in captivity but that may afford better photo ops hmmmmm#i just need the knowledge base before i make any other judgements#you know what. let's put this in some tags actually; i was gonna formally rewrite this but may as well tag while I'm here#bugs#bugblr#insect identification#hoatm rants#I'm not overly concerned but ive seen a number of these inside now and this is the first one that's made its way to my room
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"Shinty provides a positive alternative to drug use."
Hmm . . . I'm thinking no it does not.
#if shinty seems like a reasonable drug alternative perhaps your drugs are not very good ones#like how are these things even related#can't really understand the point of drug-testing w/no consequences for testing positive#in an amateur sport no less#seems mostly like a way to make people stop playing shinty#once again drug use & drug abuse are elided to no useful end#people in the shinty heartlands should be able to enjoy their recreational drugs in peace#the whole smarmy idea here is 'we [the virtuous] want [the bad] people to get help'#no you don't#this is just pointless sanctimony#also MY GOD what about the drinking#if you want to wring your hands about people's recreational activities in Scotland#why not get in a twist over that since it certainly causes a lot more harm#HMMMMM#could it be b/c the sanctimonious are themselves drinkers maybe?#the booming drinks industry?#many possibilities#anyhow#I get trying to turn your beloved local athletes into community role models#but this seems like a very roundabout way of achieving that goal#at best#at worst it will get a lot of athlete-worshippers excited about whatever recreational drugs their heroes are now known to be using
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story of my life tbh
#completely ignoring what happened with the album preorders… guess who dropped a load of cash on a game that they have no time to play~?#yeah… me… ಥ‿ಥ i still haven’t finished p5r too… so b s#i woke up from my mid-dinner nap and just… had this thought of ‘damn i need to buy the collectors ed of nirvana initiative’ so… yeah#i can’t wait to get onto the game’s inevitable equivalent of an annihilation route on my initial blind playthrough lmaoooo#i swear ztd aside i’ve always alwaysssss somehow gotten on the one route where p. much everyone kicks the bucket on my initial playthroughs#(of the games by that particular director anyway)#999? knife ending. vlr? luna route. aitsf? annihilation ending. am i just bad at making decisions or sth lmaoooo#though ig it could be worse? there was that other character ending in vlr that was kinda… ye a h. iirc#hmmmmm but ngl i kinda miss 999 the funyarinpa bit was funny#but the 2 room was hella gross ngl as was the thing in the 3 room… and the 5 room was it? hm…#either way fictional science: the escape room games were fun~ i wonder if there will be a callback to 999 in ni though bc n i r v a n a —#…though i have to say… aitsf ruined me fr. now i can’t look at acetone without thinking ‘asetton-chan~’#which sucks bc i have to use acetone like every day sooooooo aaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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#me wondering if it would be inappropriate to call my ex girlfriend waking her up and ask her to come spend the night with me bc i feel bad#probably not#i just do feel quite terrible#maybe tomorrow#hmmmmm#thinking about a little snip but i REALLY really shouldn't bc i'm supposed to be on camera and that would be real bad#ohhhhhhhh but i want it so bad#my life is crumbling around me!!!!!!#pressure is building up inside in that way it does and the only way to get it out is. snip!!!#oh terrible
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This was a few miles south of Abergavenny so I’m hoping everyone who blacked out reading this post just because it contained the word Abergavenny will read this one and be activated like a sleeper agent. Abergavenny send me money
“Is it raining?” Dr Glass shouted out of the tent to the children, who were playing under an especially mossy tree.
“We don’t know,” they called back.
“How do you not know?”
“Water is falling on us. But it could just be THE SNAIL.”
“I can explain that,” I interrupted, and showed him this picture.
This is THE SNAIL, which when you go underneath it, drips on you.
#Abergavenny in my experience has one notable thing about it#they have a Turkish restaurant there where we stopped to grab some food specifically because reviews said they could cook gluten free#so we asked for a plate of gluten free food and they acted like that was normal#and then came out and gave Dr Glass a plate of what appeared to be a normal rice pilaf#upon eating was a thin layer of rice concealing a lot of bulgur wheat#the mortifying peril of having to Say Something#I spent way too much time making a Biological Identification of the grains because of the mortifying ideal of saying something#and they were like oh. our bad lol.#HMMMMM.#like there are places in the farthest reaches of Anglesey that serve gluten free crepes cooked by angels for some reason#Anglesey!!#even Aberystwyth manages GF fish and chips#but Abergavenny remains in my memory as a place where they listen carefully to your request to not have something and then serve it to you.#we can’t afford to eat out much so it just makes me madder.#this is why we mostly eat wild garlic and lurk.
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idk how some people around here claim to be feminist and against seeing women like objects and then reblog like these borderline softcore model p*rn pics from thirst accounts. Like it’s from the distasteful “pretty girls in bikinis” collection accounts that some random misogynist moids casually would run around here. Gross.
#ic.text#I might upset some people but idc it’s these specific pics that are :/#and like you can just tell a moid took those pictures ( they the sources are unlisted)#and then these pics will be like the ‘ideal’ beauty standard for men and very hypersexualized#…….lol im sorry but sometimes I’m really skeptical of the whole ‘ women look ugly conforming to patriarchal beauty standards!!! ewww I like#natural women !!!’ but then ….hmmmmm#‘ the modeling industry and beauty standards are bad!!!!!’ then u go out of the way to follow supermodel accounts ???
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HUURRGGGH I can’t tell if I’ve just ventured too far in OOC territory or if it just seems that way bc I’m exploring a hypothetical / emotionally vulnerable type of scenario that requires showing sides of a character that are perhaps not shown as openly in canon / may just be my own interpretation… but how far is too far…
#i feel like I’m loosing their ESSENCE HMMMMM#it’s very much hurt/comfort but I’m struggling on the balance lol#me when Jamil isn’t actively trying to Kill Azul: well somethings not right here 🤨#me when azul isn’t being a shady screwed business con man of a boy: Who Are You#can’t even joke my way out of this bc humor just doesn’t fit the vibe of this story#that’s why I’m struggling LOL I don’t think I’m very good at more serious tone#but that’s why I gotta keep trying 😤😤😤#and I just… want this story to exist so I will KEEP WRITING I want this scenario so bad#oughhhhh
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I've been a little absent, kind of a mix between taking care of my body/sleepy and stuff on my mind. I've got management permissions at work, so trying to be extra sensible so I can get used to that, and it's hard to get out of that mindset- been in my head Thinking about random shit even pertaining to RP. i try to get on here and the gears keep on ticking ⚙️💭 it's kind of baby steps to being a manager, which we've been planning but i haven't been committing to for medical reasons.
#ooc.#it's not rlly good or bad so much as neutral. A Thing#having the 'power' means being Responsible™️and being actively so means interacting#interacting means being forefront and in the moment. taking control and being blunt in the nice way#hmmmmm processing too tho. haha#coupled with the fact that I am semi-stealth for now but like. gonna have to be more out and put my foot down here and there#misgendering mention#i am a very professional guy. that's what I'm getting at fffff#obviously my brain is trying to prove it to everyone. ahahaaa well y'know#work tw#things are good! just. doing a big think lmaooo
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I’m eating a cheese sandwich and instead of sitting on the couch trying to mug me like she usually would, Mabel is lying calmly in the armchair. Has she finally accepted the concept that she will never be given Human Food (tm), or is she just biding her time and planning
#she’s not even facing me. she’s looking out the window#i think she sees birds. that can’t be a sign of anything good#she has just had her lunch… she pretty much always eats before i do#but usually that doesn’t stop her. she’ll literally lick her bowl clean and come in here like ‘is there anything else going? 👁️👄👁️’#and i’ll be like ‘are you for real? you eat thrice a day. THRICE’#the other possibility is that because i set the smoke alarm off yesterday she may now associate me cooking with danger which.. honestly may#not be such a bad thing#she did try to mug me for my bacon sandwich yesterday though. AND my crisps. hmmmmm#i’m leaning towards her either being full from lunch or just having learned that she never gets anywhere by mugging me for my food#because i don’t think she ever plans anything. the absolute most sophisticated plan she will make is ‘if i barge the dog gate it will fall#over and then i can run upstairs and then i can stare at ellen like 👁️👄👁️ while she pees’ and then she’ll do it immediately#she doesn’t plan ahead. if she’d figured out some genius way of stealing my sandwich she’d just do it#i can’t believe i’m psychoanalysing a patterdale terrier. anyway. i’m going to eat my crisps now#personal
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