#not good at my job

[tyranno-solei-rex]

i just don't have enough time. i need more time. crashing and burning how does everyone do this; there's not enough time

[liquidstar]

If my mom sees a significant amount of blood she gets lightheaded, and has fainted on some occasions. Once it happened when we were kids, I wasn't there to witness it but I heard the story from my dad. Basically my brothers, around 7 or 8 at the time, were playing outside while my mom was making their lunch, and she accidentally cut her finger. It wasn't anything serious, but it drew a fair bit of blood and she passed out. My dad saw this and rushed over, but he didn't really know what to do so he just sort of started slapping her to wake her up (not recommended, but he had no idea and panicked)

At that exact moment my brothers both came in from playing, and all they saw was our mom unconscious on the floor and our dad slapping her. So, like, without even saying a word to each other they both just INSTANTLY start whaling on him, like, full blown attack mode to defend our mom. Which obviously didn't help the situation, but she did wake up and everything was fine.

Now our dad says that he's actually really glad they attacked him over what they thought was going on, because it means he raised good boys. And I still think that's true, they're very good boys.

[ato-dato]

Piss off!!! Thanks!!!!!!!!!! :)))))

[anna-scribbles]

so this summer i am nannying a 5 year old who loves miraculous ladybug (my dream) & every day she asks if we can play ladybug and chat noir at the park. these are some comics based on our various games<3

[mo-mode]

AU where Mr. D claiming to be Percy’s dad accidentally counts as Claiming according to Greek god law or whatever and now all the other gods legitimacy believe Percy is his son, but if Mr. D corrects it, he has to explain to Zeus why he pretended he was Percy’s dad so now he’s like “YEP ol’ Perry Johansson is MY child wowie just look at the little fry, you have your mother’s eyes. Please stop standing next to water or you will blow my cover”

Meanwhile Poseidon is just standing off to the side like “how on earth did I dodge THAT bullet”

[luppiart]

Give it to me Miyazaki style señor Gaiman I’m waiting

[elodieunderglass]

hi. what do you mean

[nickydraws]

Sketches!

[hmslusitania]

Origins: the world is ending and you and your one remaining coworker are the only option left to save it.

II: the unavoidable tragedy of a queer friend group/polycule trying and failing to save their fucked up city

Inquisition: you went to a conference and accidentally ended up in charge of saving the entire world (again) with a team of colleagues who are (mostly) professionals and outstanding in their fields.

**

Veilguard:

Rook: hey, I suffered from “sudden field promotion” after “fucking everything up worse than it already was.” I’m putting a team together to kill at least one, maybe three, Gods

Seven of the most unwell people in Thedas: say no more, I’m in

[crumb-crumblet-s-crumbington]

do you even remember the lives that you threw away like trash

continuation of this

[may12324]

Halsin- Archdruid of the Emerald Grove

[obsob]

the joy of creation :3 !! (anything worth doing is worth doing badly)

[zephyrchama]

Going to a restaurant with the cast of Obey Me! and the waiter asks, "is anyone in your party under 500? Beings who are five centuries and under eat for free."

The waiter glances at Luke as they say this but everyone immediately turns to you.

Mammon cracks up when the waiter brings over a high chair and you have to turn them down. Leviathan encourages you to at least take the booster seat so you can feel taller. Thirteen wheezes when they bring out the crayons and coloring mat, which you insist on sharing. You tell Diavolo not to get any funny ideas when the waiter bends down to speak with you at eye level. It's just standard protocol for this diner.

Mephistopheles doesn't understand the big deal. You're not even a century old yet, isn't this normal? Solomon, however, is trying not let his mini midlife crisis show. To Barbatos' delight, he's not getting the same treatment as you (despite also being human) and fears he might be starting to look his age.

Lucifer is visibly enjoying himself way too much and hasn't stopped sneering since you were handed a children's menu, which Beelzebub is excitedly cross-referencing with the adult menu that everyone else got. Raphael likes the little flag they stuck in your food. Luke is acting so smug and haughty that Simeon has to remind him to be humble.

Satan makes the unnecessary offer to cut your food into smaller bites because they only gave you a small plastic spork, while Asmodeus is busy snapping pictures of the chef's ketchup smiley face atop your dish. Belphegor warns you not to hurt yourself and asks if he should blow on your food, causing you to threaten him with the spork.

[panthermouthh]

“Accursed creator! Why did you form a monster so hideous that even you turned from me in disgust?”

[moncuries]

matters of state

[egophiliac]

(looks at upcoming card releases)

I'm in danger :)