#not gonna say don't reblog cause I would be interested to talk about this

[milktian]

I think despite everything I still really like the dlc. it's amazing, the music and the boss fights are gorgeous and I'm going to keep cycling through the soundtrack. I'm also just glad there's more elden ring content out with new weapons and npcs.

also messmer and his lore are super interesting and is definitely not what I expected. I won't go super into detail as to avoid spoilers but he truly is just a guy.

I think a part of my disappointment is partially cause i had so many like ideas of what could be in the dlc that, realistically, it wouldn't have held up and I'd always be just a bit underwhelmed regardless. like that's completely on me for setting my expectations so high.

however (spoilers)

miquella's whole Deal feels incredibly rushed, and kind of contradicts the base game? this isn't even like a 'I have a theory I like and this game doesn't match' like no it just straight up is illogical. there are posts that talk about this better so I'll leave it to them.

another thing is, looking back, all the promotional material suggested that miquella would be guiding us and that messmer would be the final boss. but that wasn't what happened. it feels like something changed in-between the trailer and the dlc release? I don't know if that's me misunderstanding the trailer but??

I think I would've preferred a dlc where we sided with miquella and had him guide us almost like melina, in order to free the lands of shadow from the eternal war that messmer has brought (on marika's orders it seems).

also I feel like the best thing they could have done with miquella is keep him kind. I am definitely leaning towards the theory that miquella was misguided in his attempts but was genuinely good natured (I reblogged a post a little bit ago that explains this idea which is the one I'm leaning more towards) but that doesn't change the fact that it feels like they retconned alot of miquella's previously established character details.

everything about the lore in the dlc feels cheap and frustrating and the 'easy' path for this character, which is honestly boring. I wish there was better writing for miquella, radahn, mohg, and malenia (who, as well as the rest of the haligtree, just got completely shafted). it's frustrating.

I'm also coming at this from a "Don't know shit about berserk" perspective as well so the argument that 'this actually makes so much sense because miquella is based off of griffith'.

like ok? elden ring isn't berserk. I don't want to be another franchise. I want it to exist outside of its influences. sure references are fine but if you know jack shit about them, then it makes for a lackluster experience.

this'll probably be the last time I make a ranty post about the dlc. I do still really enjoy the game, but I think im gonna treat Elden Ring Miquella and Shadow of the Erdtree Miquella as completely seperate, because it really feels like they are.

again: I STILL LIKE THE DLC. ITS STILL FUN AND IM NOT SAYING YOU'RE A BAD PERSON FOR LIKING IT.

(also radahn was totally just there for fanservice cause it makes literally no sense that miquella would choose radahn to be his consort like???? they have very little connection in the base game. I feel like they just wanted radahn cause he's such a popular character)

[jedi-hawkins]

"Strap in, kid. You're not gonna want to miss this view." - Sgt. Hunter

I've seen a few others make a tribute post for the batch and I felt some words pulling at my chest.

I was a latecomer to the fandom, I binged season 1 & 2 in July of last year and it's been a wild ride since. I've laughed and cried and everything in between. It's hard to even articulate what this show means to me.

I began my Star Wars journey like many others, with the original trilogy at some point in childhood (you could consider me a zillenial). I liked them, but I was much more of a Harry Potter nerd at the time, my head was at Hogwarts. The prequels, however captured my heart. I don't remember when I first watched TCW, but it's very clear my heart belongs to the times of the Republic.

Like things often do, other fandoms have faded out of my peak interests, Harry Potter, Hunger Games and Maximum Ride to name a few, but any time I've come back to Star Wars, it feels like coming home. A galaxy far far away so vast and full of hope and love and grief and sorrow.

The last year has been far from easy. For the last few years, that feels like all we've been saying, huh? But in all seriousness, I really did loose myself in the past year, but oddly enough, Star Wars was a constant for me, it was an escape. I joined tumblr right after I binged season 1 & 2 of The Bad Batch and immediately fell in love with the wonderful world of fans and writers and artists here.

At first, I was a lurker, just a name that popped into the reblogs, but I began interacting more and more. I've brushed on this with a couple people (so sorry for repeating myself), but it was actually through reading fanfiction, that I came to terms with the fact that I needed to leave a 2.5 year relationship. It's not that I 'fell out of love' with them or anything, I just realized I didn't trust them as much as I should, I didn't want to share as much as I should, I wasn't being fulfilled in the ways I needed. And for that, fanfic authors, I thank you. Please never stop creating.

I also learned a lot about myself, get ready cause I'm about to get cheesy.

Hunter, you brought me a lot of comfort. I saw how heavy the wellbeing of your squad weighed on your shoulders. How you sacrificed and starved yourself, mentally and emotionally for their safety and benefit. I've lived that more times than I can count and with you, I didn't feel quite as alone in that experience. Even though we never talked, and we never will, I feel like you saw me. Crosshair, you healed some of my faith in humanity. That people can change, they can see the error in their ways and turn against a system they just sort of slipped into. You reminded me that healing isn't linear, and that's okay. You reminded me that courage and bravery aren't the absence of fear, but they are going and facing the mountain despite every atom in your body telling you to turn the other way. Echo, you reminded me it's okay to leave a group if your goals don't align. That it's not always an "in or out" situation. They can still be your family, people you rely on and who can rely on you even if you're not sharing bunks or meals anymore. You also reminded me that no matter how dire a situation is, or how grumpy you may be, a little humor goes a long way. Wrecker, you reminded me that people's perception does not define who you are. You can be big and gentle. you can love explosions and destruction and still be very intuitive. You can take some time to process things and still be skilled and intelligent. You reminded me to take joy in the simple things, a Lula, some Mantel mix, an ice cone. Things are always a little better with a full belly. Omega, you brought back some of my childlike innocence. You approached the galaxy with wide eyes full of wonder and always gave people the benefit of the doubt. You never lost hope. Even though you had to grow up too fast, you didn't let it break you, you still opened your heart to anyone who would see it. Tech, dear Tech. You reminded me to never dull myself or apologize for being authentically me. That my interests and skills are a good thing, no matter how niche they are. That I shouldn't be embarrassed or feel annoying for my knowledge or my eagerness to share it. You reminded me that love and humor and kindness and connection come in all shapes and sizes.

I've also made friends in this fandom at a level I wasn't even expecting to. I've made connections beyond the galaxy of Star Wars and found love and support in amazing ways. I was pulled to create more than I have in a long time, writing, drawing, hell even building my own server.

For sake of not clogging people's notifications, fighting with Tumblr's tagging bugs, and inevitably forgetting to tag someone: You all know who you are. Three M's, Havoc Marauder.

I began writing this tribute post before I watched the finale, and I'm finishing it after the finale. I'll end my ramble with this:

Dee and Michelle, thank you for bringing these characters to life over the last four years. You two really were the heart and soul of this project and your voices will forever ring true as Clone Force 99. Filoni, thank you for creating the concepts for this wonderful show that has become such a big part of so many people's lives. Brad, thank you for the immense work you've put into the show, your direction will not be forgotten. Jen, Joel, KinerBros, and Noshir (The Four Horsemen), y'all are a bunch of trolls and I hate you for it. I'm sending you my therapy bills. (I mean thank you for your work too, but you've been playing with my emotions for the past three months so forgive me if I'm a bit bitter)

It has truly been an amazing view. I don't plan on going anywhere, the fandom is just getting started, I am on the edge of my seat for all the wonderful fan creation that are yet to come.

CT-9901 ~ Sergeant Hunter ~ Havoc 1

CT-9902 ~ Tech ~ Havoc 2

CT-9903 ~ Wrecker ~ Havoc 3

CT-9904 ~ Crosshair ~ Havoc 4

ARC-1409 ~ Echo

Omega ~ Havoc 5

Clone Force 99 ~ Signing off 🫡

[ariesqueencobra]

what we used to be | Vll

Pairing: Eli Moskowitz x Fem!Reader

Summary: You're going to your first high school party, who would've thought there'd be so much drama?

Warnings: underage drinking, mild violence, flashbacks to bullying, bullying, references to kissing

Word Count: 1.6k

A/N: Two chapters in a week?! Another short chapter but I do love this one! One of my favorite scenes to write so far!

Thank you to those who already reblog and comment, I see you and I love you all for it!

I don't consent to this work being copied, translated or reposted.

It was a nice day outside, and you and your friends decided to spend it at the park before the tournament tomorrow. 

While your nerves were at an all-time high, you tried to keep focus on the moment before you, knowing it’d be better to worry about it when the time came. You sat between Miguel and Aisha, Demitri sitting next to the former while Eli continued practicing with Bert behind you all.

Aisha was on her phone and the rest of you were listening to Miguel talk about seeing another guy have dinner with the LaRussos. Of course, out of all the explanations, he thinks he was Sam’s side piece.

“All right, so you saw her eating dinner with some chode,” Eli said before kicking Bert in the face, causing him to fall to the ground.

You snickered at his words but quickly sent a reassuring glance at Miguel.

“It’s probably her brother or something.”

“No,” Miguel argued. “Brothers don’t look at their sisters like that.” 

“Depends on what part of the country you’re in,” Demitri said.

You laughed at that.

“I don’t want what happened to Sensei to happen to me,” Miguel exhaled.

“It’s not gonna happen if you don’t communicate that to Sam,” you pointed out. “Tell her how you feel, be honest, she’ll appreciate it in the long run,” you offered.

Miguel pressed his lips together in defeat, unsure if he wanted to go your route.

“Nah, go over and beat his ass so he doesn’t have the chance,” Eli countered, walking over and leaning against the bench between you and Miguel.

You sent him a look. 

“If someone was swinging in on my girl, that’s what I’d do,” he shrugged, sending you a wink.

You felt your cheeks heat up, ignoring what he said about beating up someone. Your mind was too focused on him calling you “his girl”. 

“Don’t listen to, Eli,” Demitri said.

“It’s Hawk.”

“Yeah, whatever,” Demitri rolled his eyes.

You furrowed your brows, turning your attention back to Miguel. “She’s given you no reason not to trust her,” you said.

“I guess you’re right,” Miguel exhaled.

You were glad you got through to him when Aisha shouted at her phone.

“That little bitch!”

You jumped at her voice but were interested in what happened.

“Look what she commented under my post,” she held her phone in front of you, finding that Yasmine commented something horrible under her video of breaking a board.

“We gotta do something,” Aisha gritted.

“How about we kidnap her and have my boy Rico tattoo “bitch” on her face,” Eli smirked.

You snickered, not hating the idea. Yasmine deserved something worse than “bitch” tattooed on her face after all the hell she put you through.

“Calm down, Hawk,” Demitri mocked.

“I hear how you’re saying it and I don’t like it,” Eli spat. 

You reached over your shoulder to squeeze his arm, calming him. Turning back to Aisha, you spoke, “She’s having a party?” You saw the Insta story.

“Not if we strike first,” she smirked.

You smiled, liking where this was heading.

A few moments later you found yourself at the convenience store. While everyone else was buying snacks, you were on the phone with your dad. 

“It’s just a small party at the Canyon, I’ll be home at a reasonable hour,” you explained.

“You said you were gonna be at the park this morning, what changed?” He asked.

You sighed. “Plans were made,” you shrugged. “It’s just gonna be me and a few kids hanging out. Eli and Demitri will be there,” you chewed on your lip, hoping the mention of their names would make him more inclined to agree.

It didn’t.

“I don’t want you going to that party, I know there’s going to be alcohol there,” he said. 

“No there won’t,” you said even though you knew there would be. “You and Mom said I could do whatever as I long as I let you know where I am and who I am with,” you reasoned.

You heard a commotion on the other side, knowing your mom was convincing him.

“Okay, fine, be home at 10 sharp, a minute late and you’re grounded,” he ordered.

You beamed before hanging up, just in time for your boyfriend to walk out with a case of beer in his hand and a bag in the other. 

“I got you your favorites,” Eli smirked, handing you the bag. 

You smiled, thanking him and letting him know your parents permitted you to go. 

“I can’t believe you managed to get beer, when did you even get the fake ID?” You asked, leaning into his side as he wrapped his arm around you.

“I got my ways, babe,” he smirked. “Let’s have fun tonight, yeah?” 

You agreed. 

~

You’ve never been to a party before. 

Jumping from your Friday movie nights with your best friends to attending a party in the Canyon where everyone from school was—the feeling was overwhelming but in the best way possible. 

“If you were told a year ago that you’d join a karate dojo, dye your hair blue, get a back tattoo, and be dating me, would you believe it?” You smiled, hand intertwined with Eli’s as you sat in front of the fire. 

“Nah,” he shook his head, a smile appearing on his face. “But I would be the happiest to know we’re dating,” he hummed, pulling you in close. 

“You’re cute,” you booped his nose. “I’m gonna get a drink,” you said before standing up, passing Demitri on the way.

You joined Aisha, smiling as you approached.

“You seemed busy a few minutes ago,” Aisha chuckled. “Came to hydrate?” She joked as you grabbed a water.

“Haha,” you joined in but your cheeks heated up when you realized she saw you and Eli making out before. 

“I’m curious, how did you handle the change from Eli to Hawk?” She asked. 

“He’s still Eli to me, just with a different appearance,” you shrugged. “Sure sometimes I would like to run my hands through his hair, now I can’t,” you averted your gaze. “But he’s happy, who am I to get in the way of that?” 

She hummed in agreement.

“It’s half past nine, should probably get you home before your dad gets mad,” Eli came up behind you, arm finding home around your shoulders.

“Oh yeah, for sure,” you smiled. 

About to say bye to Aisha, you were stopped by Moon walking up to you two. 

“Y/N, glad I found you,” she smiled. “I wanted to apologize,” she sincerely said. 

You raised a brow, glancing at Aisha who sent you a reassuring look. Your composure was stiff and all you could think of was her and Yasmine laughing as they dumped your vandalized sketchbook in the trash.

“For all of it, I hope we could be friends,” Moon added.

You furrowed your brows, not understanding where this was coming from. You took a step back, Eli making sure you were grounded and you searched his eyes, wondering if he was hearing the same thing.

“Oh, hey! Y/N!” Yasmine beamed when she spotted you. “We’ve been looking for you,” she walked towards you with Moon at her side, her arms behind her back.

“We wanted to give this back,” Moon said just as Yasmine held out a similar yellow book with lavenders painted on it. 

Your heart dropped and you froze. 

She wagged it in your face but you couldn’t move. 

Eli just stood beside you, his eyes trained on you, searching for any sign of expression.

“Oh, well, if you don’t want it, I guess it’s trash,” Yasmine shrugged, dumping it in the garbage next to you guys. “Later, slut,” she spat towards you.

The two began cackling like crazy, leaving you with tears welling in your eyes. 

Anger bubbled inside you as that moment replayed in your head. All those years of torment and all she had to say was “sorry”? With a reassuring look from Eli, you spoke. 

“I appreciate the apology, Moon, but I don’t accept it,” you frowned.

She was taken aback, even Aisha.

“I-,” she searched for words.

“You made my life miserable,” you stepped forward. “You destroyed my art and personal property, you slut-shamed me,” you narrowed your gaze, searching her face. “Your friends hurt my friends. One apology isn’t going to make it go all away.”

She paused before opening her mouth. “You’re right,” she admitted. “I’m sorry for thinking we could change things so quickly, but I do genuinely want to be friends,” she offered a smile.

You felt your composure fall and you let out a breath. You passed her a small smile. “Baby steps,” you hummed. 

“Hey!” A wisp of blonde hair filled your vision and you backed into Eli when you realized it was Yasmine.

She focused her attention on Aisha. 

“You think it’s funny crashing my party?”

“It’s not really your party ‘cause we were here first,” Aisha gritted. 

“Yeah, well I know you and your little karate gang think you’re cool, but we all remember who you really are,” she smirked, gazing over you.

You tasted bitter, frown deepening as you made eye contact with her.

“You’re just a fugly bitch and all your friends are freaks,” she spat, calling Moon over to leave. 

“No, I’m staying. I apologized to Aisha and Y/N, you should too,” she looked at her friend.

Obviously, Yasmine didn’t take that well, bumping shoulders with Aisha as she stalked off.

That wasn’t until Aisha called after her. 

You watched as your friend reached down her pants, pulling her underwear up and giving her a front wedgie. You doubled over in laughter, feeling proud of her. 

Your first highschool party was definitely one to remember.

[toxicanonymity]

Hey there ✨️

I love your work 💕 I'm a long time fan 🫶🏼. I've been on tumblr a few years now, but I'd never found the courage to post anything of my own til now. I've been feeling a little optimistic these days, and genuinely excited about posting some of my writing and sharing it with the people out here. Do you have any advice on how to start posting and interacting from scratch? Cause I'm low-key nervous abt it and it seems like my target audience has already formed a solid community I don't know how to get into 🥺

Hi! 💕 Thank you so much. This is exciting. I’m flattered as heck but jeepers, a little underqualified. So, good news - I consulted a few friends for this, too.

Engage with the community early and often – writers, artists, anyone. Even if it seems like they’ve formed a solid community, there are likely still people joining or else it would die out.

Everyone loves to get feedback on their fics, so this is a good entry point. Comments, reblogs, thoughtful asks. If you have the time and interest, maybe a little fic mood board to slide into someone’s inbox. Tag games, etc. Have perseverance. It can be scary to put yourself out there socially, but this part can’t be any scarier than putting your fics out there, can it?

Become a “regular” on your favorite blogs, and you’ll start getting recognized. This will mean when you post your fic, there will be some name recognition, and they may think “Oh, she loves [fave writer], so we have common interests” *open fic*. Hopefully, you'll also get support from your favorite writers if you engage. It doesn't matter how "popular" someone is, they (most?) still notice and connect with regulars. I’ve had many readers turn into writers and am thrilled to support them. 

Accepting requests is a fantastic way to build connections and have things to talk about. Submitting requests, too.

Pay attention to the fandom tags and how they are used.

@aurorawritestoescape: I’m sure they have their fav writers/writers who inspire them and I saw many say that they love to be tagged in other ppl’s fics [toxy note: agree, please feel free to tag me!]

@beefrobeefcal: Dive in feet first. Throw caution to the wind. The first five tags are the one tumblr recognizes for some weird reason. Tag who you inspires you. No door is bolted shut in this community and everyone is welcome! [toxy note: hard agree!]

You've got this, it's gonna be great! Excited for you. Feel free to follow up if you have more specific concerns or questions. My DMs are open too. If you tell me the fandom I might have other ideas.

[bestworstcase]

Sooo, I've been going through some of your posts, reading up on your personal opinions on certain characters I like. I'm trying to understand why you think certain things, so sorry if I come off as rude at any point. There's likely some posts I've missed lol

Uhhh, I'll be the first to admit that I don't agree with most, if not all of your takes, but regardless I find your train of thought pretty interesting cause you do make a few points I agree with.

One thing I wanna ask is- why do you see Ozpin as someone who's a needlessly paranoid religious zealot that doesn't understand Salems point of view and is demonizing her for basically no reason?

I've probably bastardized your opinion somewhere in my attempt to paraphrase it, but I'm really curious since your opinion is pretty much the exact opposite of mine lol.

Feel free to ignore the tangent I'm gonna go on, I just want to share my opinions and debate a little (I need a little mental stimulation lol).

Personally, I honestly don't see Oz as a religious zealot, or as someone who follows the GoL unquestionably. His first reaction to the GoL offering him his task is to say- "No." Oz, thinking Salem is dead, does not care about what the GoL wants or needs from him. And when Oz takes his task (which imo he was manipulated into by the GoL) and reincarnates, he immediately ignores the GoL's incredibly vague warning and goes looking for Salem. Not only that, but when he's asked by Ruby if he has a plan to defeat Salem/unite humanity, he says he doesn't. Plus, he actively refers to his immortality as a curse, despite the GoL not framing it that way. Oz deems his task impossible, and has thus given up on it. Imho, none of this says that he unquestionably follows the Gods. Maybe he had more faith in the beginning, but by referring to his immortality a curse, he's basically insulting the GoL's task. Oz isn't as vindictive or as hateful towards them as Salem is (at least not yet, with v9 and all), but imo he's definitely not fond of them, or at least doesn't hold them in such high regard anymore. The only reason why he continued with his task in the first place is because he was already there with Salem. He doesn't exactly have a choice now, and now he's given up with it, just trying to keep the peace. And, if Jinn is as unreliable as a narrator as you say and the lost fable is from Oz's perspective, it paints the Brothers as petty and manipulative and changing their mind at the drop of a hat. The same is true in the fairytales (which I need to read in full, I currently only know a wiki summary so my knowledge is limited, I won't lie), which Ozpin helps create. I really don't think these things would exist if Oz worshipped them so thoroughly and unquestionably. It's very likely he sees them as petty and manipulative brothers whose fights result in needless death.

I'd talk more, but I don't want to make this ask too long 😅 I think your perspective is interesting, even though I don't agree with it. If/when you answer this, is it okay if I reblog so I can share my own perspective more? It's fine if not, I just like debating (in a friendly, respectful way ofc) different points like this. I really enjoy Oz as a character. He's far from perfect but I think he gets a bad rep, some of it just being different perspectives and others being completely unfair. No one can agree on him so I have fun reading lol

you’re fine—& if you want to rb with your own thoughts feel free.

to start with ozpin’s paranoia, aside from the obvious factor that he explicitly does not trust anyone in his own inner circle and justifies keeping secrets on the grounds that every ally is a betrayal waiting to happen: there is zero evidence that salem has been waging a sustained campaign against him ever since the collapse of the ozlem kingdom. 

in the lost fable, ozma sees two beowolves attacking his settlement and assumes that salem must have sent them: jinn implies that he sees her hand behind every grimm, hence “her presence was always felt.” 

but… not every grimm in the world is under salem’s control. we know this. the grimm that attack the argus express are not hers—they’re wild grimm drawn to the relic. salem had no knowledge of where the relic was or that oz had reincarnated until hazel told her. similarly, the leviathan that attacks argus later is attracted by cordovin (the WOR episode on grimm implies that grimm are drawn to violence and violent emotion specifically). she didn’t send the grimm of mountain glenn to vale; she sent cinder to kill a child on international television to incite mass hysteria that attracted grimm in huge numbers. and during her siege of atlas, it’s noted repeatedly that salem’s forces have not advanced, but wild stragglers are trickling into mantle, drawn by the fear in the crater.

so ozma, in assuming that salem is the mastermind orchestrating every grimm attack in the world, wildly overestimates her actual influence and blames her for the natural behavior of the grimm. 

at the same time, over this period of time between their kingdom collapsing and the beginning of the story, ozma has been phenomenally successful in hiding salem’s existence from the world and erasing her from history. there used to be legends about her everywhere—the witch in the woods who commanded dark powers among the beasts and monsters—and those are gone. before ruby revealed her existence to the world, no one had the slightest idea that she existed. 

the only way for ozma to bury her like that is if salem herself did not do anything to draw attention to herself and stayed very far away from civilization. ozma is just one person, and there are significant gaps in his presence and influence whenever he dies and reincarnates. there is no way he could have kept salem a secret if she periodically razed his cities to the ground or made overtures to groups like the white fang on a regular basis. what she’s done in the story isn’t a pattern of behavior: salem calls the fall of beacon her first move.

and then in v9? this happens:

SUMMER: You know how Ozpin gets. Mystery after mystery… TAIYANG: And when it turns out to be yet another run-of-the-mill patrol, it’ll be— BOTH: “I always preferred discretion!”

during summer’s time as a huntress, ozpin regularly sent her and her teammates on Urgent Top Secret Missions on short notice in the dead of night only for them to turn out to be… nothing. yet another run-of-the-mill patrol. ozpin was fighting a war that salem didn’t start to dignify with her participation until she met summer rose.

<- paranoid behavior.

but the real uh, meat of this is the zealotry.

to be clear, i think that before all the tragedy, both salem and ozma were religious and had faith in the brothers—i’ve written plenty about salem’s religiosity in the lost fable so i won’t belabor that point, but she believed in the gods until they shattered her faith by, you know, condemning her to eternal suffering because she worshipped both of them. and i see no reason to think that ozma didn’t have the same faith. the same flowers that salem brings as an offering to the god of light are hung up on the walls of their home; this was a religious household. 

so. when the god of light wakes him up, ozma believes what light tells him without question—by which i mean, he literally does not ask questions. light says that humankind will rise again, a mere fraction of what their predecessors were, and that they if they are not changed when the brothers return, they will be judged irredeemable and obliterated. ozma does not question the truth or rightness of this premise. he’s frightened and sorrowful, but he doesn’t question the god of light’s implication that humankind, as it is now, does not deserve to exist and needs redemption. 

his refusal is not predicated on a rejection of the mandate itself, and he’s very polite and respectful about it: “i’m sorry, but that world just isn’t as dear to me without her. if i may, i’d like to return to the afterlife to see salem.” ozma does not want to be the one to do this—but he accepts without question the idea that someone must, and he deliberately leaves the door open for the god of light to command him to do it (“if i may”). he’s a religious man; he’s prepared to do what his god asks of him, even as he hopes he that he won’t have to.

(the god of light absolutely manipulated him—and he used ozma’s faith, ozma’s belief in light’s benevolence and just nature, to do it.)

and once ozma reincarnates, he actually does heed the warning the god of light gave him: jinn notes that he travels for years, hearing rumors about “the witch” wherever he goes, before he gives in and decides that “he needed to see what she had become.” the god of light told him that the woman he loved was gone, and what was left of her would only bring him pain, and he believed that because, again, he had no reason not to…

…until he reunited with salem. that is when ozma began to experience doubts, because while salem had physically transformed, she was still herself. still the woman he loved. she still loved him. she hadn’t changed; they rebuilt her cottage together and lived happily. and that made him uncomfortable, because it cast doubt onto everything else the god of light had said to him. if light was wrong (or lying) about salem, what else did he lie about?

“though time passed and all seemed well, ozma’s conversation with the god of light still lingered in his mind. he had found happiness, but humanity seemed more divided than ever…”

the stakes could not be higher; the fate of the entire world is on ozma’s shoulders. in his heart of hearts, he knows salem, he wants to believe salem, but… if he trusts her and he’s wrong, the world will be condemned to annihilation. so he’s torn. he can’t stop worrying about it. how could the god of light be wrong? why would his god lie to him? but he’s happy with salem. but the world seems more divided than ever and it’s his responsibility to fix it. what’s the truth?

ozma is an intensely anxious person. he thinks fear is the one truly universal experience because he himself is afraid all the time. in the lost fable, he’s scared of the happiness he finds with salem because he cannot. stop. thinking. about the god of light saying “man will be found irredeemable and your world will be wiped from existence.” but he’s also too scared to tell salem the truth, or ask her for help, because the god of light also implicitly warned him that she was damned. he can’t bring himself to leave her, but he also can’t bring himself to believe her, and if she is damned then he wants to save her, too, not just the world.

so he carefully raises “humanity is divided” as a problem he would like to solve, without giving her any context, and when she answers “we can do that!” he decides to just… go along with her first suggestion in the hope that he can eventually ease her into accepting the rest of the divine mandate. because he loves her. because he’s terrified of losing her, and his faith in the god of light is in conflict with his love, and he tries desperately to square that circle by redeeming her.

which fails, because salem’s faith in the brothers shattered long ago and she sees them clearly as the monstrous tyrants they truly were—so she rejects the mandate entirely and asks ozma to reject it with her.

here is the part where my interpretation of ozma depends heavily on my interpretation of salem, because:

i do not think salem was proposing genocide; i think by “replace them” she meant “replace the gods who demand redemption,” in accordance with her longstanding ambition of overthrowing the brothers, and

i think ozma knew that.

frankly, in my opinion, this is the most charitable possible interpretation of what ozma does when salem holds out her hand because HE HESITATES. he looks at her hand, frowning, and then his eyes flick downward and to the side as his expression crumbles into indecision. ozma wants to take her hand. he wants to stay with her. so either salem said “let’s kill everyone!” and ozma a) seriously considered it for a moment and b) did not challenge that idea or demand an explanation from her, or… salem made her point clumsily but both she and ozma understood what she meant, and what she meant was “nothing the god of light told you matters anymore, the brothers aren’t here, why should we spend our lives trying to redeem these humans when we could make a paradise without the gods, like we planned?”

(since you’ve not read the fairytale anthology, i’ll note that “what they could never be” is a paraphrase of the closing lines of the shallow sea: “And the descendants of the Humans who turned away from our god’s great gift have always carried envy in their hearts. To this day, they resent us for reminding them of what they are not and what they never can be.” just as ozpin uses fairytales to make sense of his life and ease people into his conspiracy, i think salem quoted from this old oral tradition to express her opinion of the brothers; like the faunus in the story, she chose to leap into magical waters and was transformed into something new, and she believes that remnant has the potential to be the paradise the “old gods” failed to achieve. she’s implying that the brothers are envious of remnant and resent these humans—and her—for reminding them of their failures.) 

then… you know, they murder each other and kill their children and raze their own kingdom to the ground. and ozma wakes up behind somebody else’s eyes, again. he sacrificed everything and it shattered him and now he has nothing left except the mandate.

was it worth it?

the answer is no. the answer is that this world isn’t as dear to him without salem, and if the only way to save the world is to lose her, he can’t do it. he doesn’t want to. until the end is his song. “to live free or die, it’s all the same/the enemy was right, there’s no reclaiming/in waves of shame/we’re desperate to make amends/but through a simple soul we lie complacent”—like. he knows salem is a person. he knows she’s right about the brothers. he wants to make amends, but he doesn’t believe he can, because the man fucking despises himself. 

in his commentary on ‘the infinite man,’ ozpin describes the man—himself—as both a hero and a fool who made such grievous mistakes that to some he is a villain, and suggests that he may not be worthy of forgiveness. in ‘the girl in the tower,’ the character of ozma is simply called “the hero,” and in ozpin’s commentary he says that “if you look far enough ahead […] heroes may turn out to be villains.” he isn’t talking about salem. he’s talking about himself. he sees himself as the villain in her story, and taken as a whole ‘fairytales of remnant’ reads like a tortured apology to her more than anything; he closes with a story about humans breaking the sun and creating the moon, and in his commentary: “[people] not only replaced the sun, a celestial gift from the all-powerful god of light, but also improved upon it through their own ingenuity.”

he thinks it’s too late. if he could go back and do it again, he would take her hand, but the truth is that he didn’t, and he doesn’t believe she will ever forgive him. no second chances. nothing he can do to make amends. ozma’s mindset is that he made his choice and now he has to live with that forever.

and it’s unbearable. it’s torture. 

after everything that happened, ozma clings to zealotry as a coping mechanism. in his heart of hearts, he has no real commitment to the mandate: he’s distorted it to be about salem. ozma sought the relics so he could use them to “destroy salem.” jinn told him he couldn’t; he proceeded to devote countless lifetimes to fighting an (imaginary) war against salem. he has No Plan. beacon academy is modeled after her father’s castle and ozma put his office in her tower! in her prison!!

his inner circle is a cult dedicated to the god of light and he built the academies as fortresses to safeguard his reliquaries forever and ever while he fights to protect the people of remnant from enemies like “panic” and “division” whom he represents with her face, her name, and the way he truly feels about All Of This is trapped. it’s been so long that he’s convinced himself that his lies are true—that she’s an inhuman monster who craves only death and revels in destruction—but he built her tower and locked himself inside.

ozpin lies to everyone. even himself. especially himself. the intensity of his guilt and regret drove him to weave an elaborate fantasy casting salem as the villain and himself as the fool destined to be her enemy, and he clings to it desperately because he has to believe that. he has to believe that she lied to him, too. he has to believe she’s the one who manipulated him. if it isn’t all her fault, if she isn’t the Great Evil, then his own choices have no justification.

the lying becomes so habitual, so ingrained that he lies without even thinking. why didn’t he tell the kids that the lamp might attract grimm? when they demand an answer on the train, ozpin freezes. he doesn’t have a real answer. he just… withheld vital information because that’s what he always does. a reflex.

the zealotry is of a piece with the lying. he had faith in the god of light—and he still believes that the gods will condemn and destroy the world if they’re summoned, and i think he believes it’s futile to fight them and that if salem tries they’ll crush her again, so he truly does not want her to try and he’s not lying when he claims she’ll bring about the end, because he believes that’s the only possible outcome of rebellion—and he believes himself to be beyond forgiveness. this is all he has, and the only way he can cope with that is… the fairytales. palliative fantasy. a story about a monster and the man destined to fight her. lifetime after lifetime until the lies seemed almost true.

ozma’s trauma is religious in nature. he’s a religious man who lost his faith a long time ago because his god is using him to punish salem and he hates himself because he fell for it, and now he thinks it’s too late. she’ll never forgive him. he can’t see a way out, so he clings ever harder to the mandate because it’s all he has and it gives him a shred of purpose in being her fated enemy. all he wants, all he’s everwanted, is to be with her, and if he hadn’t believed in his god when all of this began, they would have lived happily in her cottage forever.

all of which is to say, yeah, ozma does not hold the gods in high regard. his obedience does not come from reverence or love—he’s fucking terrified of them. the main difference between him and salem in their view of the gods is that she believes they can be resisted and beaten, and he does not. zealotry doesn’t require that he think the god of light is good or just, only that he obey. he’s still under light’s thumb even as it kills him inside, and he can’t escape until he stops lying to himself about what salem is.

bc she’s… not a monster. she didn’t lie to him, and she certainly didn’t manipulate by not… being able to read his mind when he hid things from her. she made it clear from the start that she wanted to replace the brothers and create a new, better world without them, and in the present all of her rage is directed at his deception and his cowardice in obeying the gods. what he did is not unforgivable. he can make amends, if he finds the courage to try. there is a door he can open to leave the tower. the first step is letting himself believe it’s possible. 

(this is why it matters that he asks the kids to forgive him and give him a second chance in V8. ozma has never forgiven himself for anything and for lifetimes he’s believed himself to be irredeemable; not just recognizing the possibility but actively choosing to ASK for forgiveness was so important, and so necessary.)

[skzoologist]

My mooties

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⤐ @dmnksrt - One of my irl best friends, you guys can thank her for so much, because she is my number 1 fan and keeps cheering me on. Without her, I wouldn't have written this much. She's a victim of accidentally being converted into a kpop fan, purely because I was also dragged into the fandom. Even though she stans another group and man (Suga), we still ramble to each other for hours easily. Once she gathers the courage to post her own fanfics, you can be sure I'll be there to support her immediately. Her brain is wonderful, just like her, I wouldn't hesitate to commit arson for her sake. Her tag is 'my Darling', no, we aren't dating, in case any of Nat's anons come here asking that.

⤐ @nerenbe - Well well well, if it isn't my menace herself. This lil gremlin is the sole reason I am in this fandom altogether, since she just kept singing 'Star lost' while we were in the Christmas market in the year 2023. I guess this is what I get for dragging her into so many animes and manhwas, haha. She isn't really active here, but know that she loves to murder me with pics and memes of my bias and wrecker. Truly, she lives up to her nickname.

⤐ @shetherocket - The last of my irl best friends, the poor one who isn't in the kpop fandom and has no idea wtf I am saying to her, ever. It's really funny actually, as she just nods as I speak, no clue about anything. But she likes Felix! Loves his softness and sunshine self, so I sometimes spam her with him lmao. I am never going to be sorry for that :D

⤐ @thightswideforhanin - First ever person to loudly admit Bae wrecked her, and hard. I always enjoy her reblogs, she was one of the first ever active members of my blog.

⤐ @michelle4eve - A shy follower of mine who gathered enough courage to speak to me, and would you look at that, we speak more regularly now :) She's very sweet, which is why I just call her my Sunshine.

⤐ @jinnie-ret - Jinnie-ret, Jinnie-ret, the person who started it all. She was the first skz writer who noticed me and decided to raid my blog, quite literally. She recommended my work on her blog and I got a big influx of people, making me breach the 100 followers threshold. I still can't believe she'd followed me back, when I've been her silent follower for months by that point. While we don't speak a lot, as she is busy, I know she's very welcoming and kind (also my brit mum, because she decided to adopt me lmao).

⤐ @atinyniki - Niki, my precious little pocket pookie who just loves to pester me and absolutely shower me in love, no matter how hard I keep pushing it away (this is the norm for me and my friends). She's absolutely sweet and so strong, I look up to her in that sense to this very day. We easily start gushing about ATEEZ or my husky puppies for a good while, or even start planning some gut-wrenching fics together xD I am so happy she wrote to me, even if she keeps insisting I am cute, falsely.

⤐ @writingforstraykids - Nat, my talented menace! I love her art, oh my god, I cannot wait for her to draw more, even if that is a year later or more. And her soft thoughts? Hell yes! She's the one who usually gets to see my own random thoughts about the boys (hence our collab), because she's my mootie and they get VIP services :) I am forever afraid she's gonna do what my menace does and send me pics of the boys... I would straight up die on the spot.

⤐ @cheesemonky - Leisel! While we don't talk a lot (timezone differences and my depressed, anxious self), she's cute and so supportive. I just know if we would talk more, our chat would be filled with rambles and thoughts about TXT, haha.

⤐ @yangbbokari - Mumu, the chaos child. We didn't get to know each other well yet, but she loves to say random shit and cause mayham xD Very maknae line coded.

⤐ @lilmisssona - Sona, my sweet sonata, who is so sweet and supportive of me despite barely knowing me, it gives me diabetes. I already love her works, her AUs are very interesting. She also loves my two puppies, and I am only glad to provide her with photos and videos of them.

⤐ @minholing - Jenny, my lil biologist sprout. While she left, I will await her return here. Who knows, maybe by then I'll be able to accept her hugs more easily.

⤐ @kimistorm - We don't really talk, but we occasionally tag each other in some games. Her works are really nice and sweet, I wouldn't be surprised if she is like that too.

⤐ @miuracha - Miu, the legend amongst us. I haven't really gathered the courage to talk to her yet, but I do know she is an absolute sweetheart who only deserves the best. I hope life finally gives her a break, and very soon.

⤐ @silverstarburst - Silver, my star and guardian wolf, thanks to her protective nature over her friends. Our friendship started with her tagging me in a Jisung photoset, completely unprompted. That was a sign, so true that we now regularly talk here or on discord. Bless her and her gif/photo sets.

⤐ @galaxycatdrawz - A very active moot of Nat, someone who gave me even more meme ideas when I started memeing Nat, being the menace he is. Thus, he shall be named my official meme partner. While we don't talk regularly, that doesn't mean he isn't fun to be around.

⤐ @thatonedemigodfromseoul We haven't really talked a lot so far, but that is how it is when you just meet someone.

⤐ @dean-a-mean-tae Ah, yes, sweet Ronnie, who likes to sing my praises, even though I am average at best. No, please, don't look at me like that guys, I'm sorry- We have this mouse and cat game where we compliment the other in an endless cycle. Also let me tell you, when I first saw that they mentioned me, saying how good my silly fics are, I just sat in front of my screen like a confused and emotional dumbass. Definitely will remember that day for a good while, haha. I look forward to getting to know them better, if life allows it.

If I didn't tag you here, that either means I am way too nervous to do so (you're probably a big writer blog), or I just straight up forgot with my smooth, pea-sized brain. Please do reach out to me, I assure you I didn't mean to somehow offend you.

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[finderseeker]

Season 6 liveblog post! I'll be continuing the practice of putting it all under a read more so it doesn't clog up my blog or 55 people's dashboards.

So are we just not gonna talk about that Jake is partying with an all-powerful being and several cosmic entities including the lich?? (And also Peppermint Butler is there???)

I do like Prismo he seems cool. And he's got a neat design

Ohhh that's interesting about the lich. Prismo says the lich's "primary function is to cause mass death." And then compares him to "a machine without a purpose." Hmmmmm

Wait I thought the time room was outside of linear time

Finn is handling being in the same room as the lich, who's still in Billy's body, weirdly well.

DUDE WHAT IS THAT LIKE SHADOW PRISMO

PRISMO IS A DREAM!?

Why is he okay with being killed??

Wait, "killing a wishmaster"? Are there others??

"As soon as my corporeal body falls asleep again in a thousand years I'll be back!" PRISMO C'MON. THE LICH IS RIGHT THERE. YOU'VE GOTTA SEE WHY THIS IS A BAD IDEA.

*SCREECH*

Well at least the lich is imprisoned...?

Oh no. Weird black fire stuff

Either this guy's not his dad or his dad's just a jerk.

I'm gonna guess not his dad. He does suck.

Many questions about the lich...

UHH GRASS SWORD?

DUDE HIS ARM!?!? FOR THAT DICKWAD!?!?!? HIS ARM AND SICK GRASS SWORD!?

Is he gonna grow a grass arm...?

Uhhh more questions about the lich...

Oh no. I think uh. I think you guys should've told PB about this whole deal. Before you uh. Before you left baby lich with. Tree Trunks.

James again huh? Curious about that whole deal.

Three months since the zombie thing huh. Interesting when they give real a timeline for stuff.

Kind of. Um. Disturbing. How PB treats refusing to keep cloning James like she's firing someone from their job instead of. Y'know. Letting someone die. Like don't get me wrong I'm not saying treating him as expendable because he can be cloned was right either, but. Idk.

HE FAKED HIS DEATH A BUNCH OF TIMES?

"Dude I've been to your funeral like 25 times."

Banana guard just knew the term "vigintiquintuplets" huh

I've been wondering about how PB has, presumably, been the one who made the majority of the candy people, especially her own staff. And how she's definitely capable of making competent beings (like those gumball machine swordsmen), but she surrounds herself with goofballs, save for a few. Is it because she likes to feel like smartest one? Is it because she wants to be left to her own devices but can't take care of everything on her own? Is it because she wants to be needed? Some combination of those things?

This episode did not answer my questions about the radioactive goo.

I am glad that they're not brushing the arm thing off. I'm glad that they're not just giving him a prosthetic that replaces it perfectly. And the prosthetic PB gave him was unwieldy and hard to use, just like a real prosthetic.

Oh. He's got a ghost arm. :/

"AHH!" "What??" "I just thought about my anxieties, and it's like my mind-hand touched a hot memory-stove." That is EXACTLY WHAT IT FEELS LIKE YEAH.

Revenge be like that.

CANDY KINGDOM FALLOUT SHELTER?

Oh the ghost arm is gone that's good(?)

Dude where did you THINK that tower would fa

Once again: glad they’re not brushing this arm business or the effects of what happened with his dad off. It’s cool they’re exploring the numbness that comes after the anger.

Finn nooo don’t get your feel-good brain chemicals from kissing a whole bunch of girls! That won’t end well.

Did.

Did Finn.

Did Finn sleep with LSP…

TREE!?

HE REGREW HIS ARM!?

This feels like a cop-out, but at least it wasn’t immediate…

Alright. I admit I didn’t expect to be wrong about the ancient psychic tandem war elephant

Ohh another genderbend episode

LSP kidnapped the Ice King to make him read her take on Fionna and Cake. Incredible. Can’t wait to see how this goes.

I love that all these episodes are like, totally skewed by whoever writing.

Alright this is long. New reblog.

[shivroythinker]

what do you think the "dark place" that tom talked about, looked like?

AHHHH i love this question because i literally think about this all the time!! this is gonna be fucking long so i am so so sorry. ANYWAY. it's so interesting because it's left so vague and i think that's intentional from both the perspective of the writers wanting to leave it open to interpretation and from the in-universe perspective of like. shiv would probably be hostile to specifics being brought up so it's just alluded to.

it makes me think of a post i reblogged earlier i think talking about whether there are lines the roys won't cross in their cruelty to each other, like how no one (not even logan) ever brought up kendall's infertility until the finale. shiv's dark place and whatever caused it seem to also fall into this small category of untouchable subjects. (either that or the writers just never cared enough to have them bring it up but that's a boring way to analyze tv so i reject it lol)

i'm generally inclined to theorize that tom met shiv very soon after she got out of some kind of abusive/violent relationship and this sort of informs what i think the dark place looked like so we can keep that in mind but anyway. it's hard for me to imagine shiv as like... an emotional spiraling public wreck a la kendall. i know a lot of people think she was a party girl or having a lot of casual sex or something but i just don't see it. i imagine it more like depression, honestly. self-destructive behaviors, but quietly-- drinking alone, food issues, isolating, etc. *side note: when roman sees shiv at logan's birthday party in the pilot he kind of gives her a once-over and then says, "look at you. you look like an actual human person." so like... much to unpack there. but yeah i just think a generic party girl past would be brought up WAY more especially as she tried to enter the "respectable" world of waystar.

i think she was probably incredibly vulnerable and that's when she met tom, and he was gentle, and kind, and wrote her notes, and asked her "do you like it?" after every touch when maybe she had never been asked that before. so yeah!!! but this is 100% just my theory, it's left open to interpretation on purpose so others may imagine it differently and that's totally okay. it means more shivposting which i will always embrace

[lythea-creation]

I Love Her More - Tasneem/Hiba x fem reader (Chapter 1)

summary: What happens when Hiba and Tasneem find out they're in love with the same girl? Will they be able to save their friendship? And what does (f/n) think about her friends fighting over her?

warnings: eating disorder

word count: 1.234

Author's note: Feel free to check out my Masterlists and make requests. No reposting please! Reblogging, comments and requests are always appreciated! If you like the story/my writing, please don't be shy to say it via comments or asks! It takes you a few seconds and might make my day. It's the best appreciation you can show to a writer you like.

In this story you will be able to pick your love interest, which will happen in the next chapter. Hope you like it!

Requested by @jj156

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Tasneem's PoV

“What pictures should I share next?”, I wondered, handing my phone over to Hiba.

We were hanging out at my home right now, which was not rare for us. After all she was my best friend.

“That one's hot”, she suggested. “Oh, and take this one, too.”

My mom was not home. So we were sitting on the couch in the living room.

“Isn't this one a bit too sexy?”, I considered.

“Nah. It's alright. Look at this”, she declared, showing me a pic of herself.

In comparison to that mine was still innocent. Yet I would not judge her for it. It was completely in a gray zone.

“What else do you have?”, I inquired, taking her phone from her.

Meanwhile she was skipping through my gallery.

Hiba was absolutely great at taking pictures.

I stopped in my tracks when I found a picture of (f/n). I could not help but stare at it for a while.

She was sitting in class, apparently listening to Miss Abeer. Her focused gaze was kinda cute. Therefore I had my difficulties to skip to the next picture.

The more I scrolled through Hiba's gallery though, the more pictures of (f/n) I found. The weird thing about that was that (f/n) was never looking into the camera.

Something was off.

“Hiba? Why do you have so many pictures of (f/n) on her phone?”, I asked her bluntly.

“Huh? What are you talking about?”.

I presented her collection to her.

“Guess I always forgot to delete them”, she brushed it off, wearing a poker face.

“Why did you take them in the first place?”, I continued.

“Why does it matter? It's nothing unusual to have pictures of your friends on your phone”, she shot back, obviously getting irritated.

“What about your other friends then? Wait! Do you like her?”, I assumed.

“Maybe I do. So what?”, she proposed.

A pit formed inside my stomach. This could not be true.

“You can't like her”, I exclaimed.

“Why not? Because she's a girl? Come on, Tasneem! I didn't think you were homophobic”, she stated.

“No! You can't have her. I've had a crush on her for months now”, I proclaimed.

“And yet you're still dating Omar”, she reminded me. “But that doesn't matter anyway. (f/n) wouldn't want somebody superficial like you.”

“You're calling me superficial? Have you taken a look in the mirror recently?”

“At least I don't stuff my mouth with junk and hang over the toilet whenever something bothers me. It's only a matter of time until she finds out and then she's gonna be so grossed out by you that she will never even want to look at you again”, she claimed.

That was an excruciatingly low blow. I had not even known that Hiba was aware of my eating disorder. But throwing it at me like that made me question our whole friendship.

“You know what? You may be pretty, but that's all you got. You're a bitch who cares about nobody but herself. The only thing you can do is make everyone else feel miserable, so you don't feel as shitty about your life. That's why nobody wants to hang out with you. The only friends you have are around because of me”, I ranted.

“Wow”, Hiba mumbled and left abruptly.

Her teary eyes were burned into my mind, knowing that I had caused all of this. But right now I could not care less.

Ironically I did exactly what Hiba had accused me of. Retreat to my eating disorder.

Actually Hiba was my only friend that mattered to me, but from time to time I just could not stand her mean attitude. Yet I had not meant to lose her completely.

What was I supposed to do now?

Hiba was stubborn and hurt, which was not a good combo.

Every time I tried to approach her throughout the next days, she would straight up ignore me. Until she did not.

“Why are you even trying to talk to me? You made yourself pretty clear that you couldn't stand me. So just leave me alone”, Hiba grumbled as I had met her outside in the break.

“Hiba, I'm sorry. You're my best friend. I don't want us to be fighting”, I apologized.

“You're sorry because you can't stand the fight. Not because you're actually sorry”, she accused me.

“So what? If I remember it correctly, you were the one starting this in the first place”, I reminded her.

“Oh! Now I'm the villain. I mean … of course I am. Because little Miss Perfect could never do anything wrong”, she remarked.

You know what? Maybe you're right and this whole thing between us just doesn't work out. You wanna be a bitch? Then be my guest! I won't bother you again”, I declared and walked off without looking back.

The urge to binge was unbearable. Therefore I was relieved to have two pastries in my school bag, who were gone in the matter of a minute.

For that one minute everything else seemed to fade away. But it was over quickly and instead of my initiate pain, the guilt and fear of ruining my hard work kicked in.

My feet were moving on their own, carrying me to the bathroom, where I made sure that nobody was inside.

Then I let it all come out, deleted the sugar and fat and countless calories from my system.

A tear slid down my cheek. Was life really supposed to this excruciating?

I wiped the tear away and got out of the stall, cleaning myself up at the sink. Apparently I was having tunnel vision because I had not noticed someone standing across from me.

“Tasneem ...” It was (f/n). Shit!

I felt myself flinch out of surprise, making a mess with the water covering my hands.

The look on her face told me that she had heard me.

“Hey. Sorry you had to hear that. I think I've eaten something wrong”, I lied.

“So you're gonna go home now?”, she questioned.

“Nah. I'm already feeling better”, I brushed it off.

“You're not”, she claimed.

“No offense, but how do you want to know that?”, I shot back.

“It's written all over you”, she insisted. “Is that what you're doing when you claim to use the restroom?”

“What are you even talking about? I was just feeling sick”, I exclaimed.

She flinched slightly when I yelled at her, making the guilt return. It was not fair to let all my bottled up emotions out on her.

“You are sick, Tasneem. But not the way you're claiming to be. It's okay. I'm not judging you or anything. I just want to help you”, she noted softly.

I avoided to look at her, completely out of words. She knew. It was too late to convince her otherwise.

Suddenly she wrapped her arms around me, enveloping me in a comforting hug.

“You're so tall”, she stated after a while, grinning up at me.

“You're just short”, I teased her, making both of us chuckle.

For a short moment I forgot about everything weighing me down. I wished life could always be this easy.

----------------------------

Now it's time to pick your poison ... I mean girlfriend oc

Tasneem

Hiba

Tag List: @sunwoniie

[frodo-with-glasses]

Been thinking about a particular LOTR what-if scenario (because my D&D campaign took a turn into collaborative LOTR fanfiction), and I'm interested in your perspective on it if you have time . . .

Supposing Boromir somehow survived protecting Merry and Pippin, what effect would that have on Denethor?

Denethor's being fed despair by Sauron either way. But I have always read him as the news of Boromir's death being the thing that breaks him and makes him start to believe it. His grief is certainly a large part of what's informing his treatment of Faramir (though certainly not the only thing, as I think there's textual evidence that Denethor favored Boromir all along).

If Boromir didn't die . . . would Denethor still give into despair? Would he still send Faramir on a suicide mission — and if he did, and Faramir still suffered the same wounds, would Denethor still end up in his whole "all is lost; better to die on our own terms" spiral? Or would he have the presence of mind to see to the defense of the city?

How would he react to Aragorn, a man who has all the qualities Denethor disdains in Faramir but even more so, and who people are now saying is the rightful king (who even his own sons, even favored Boromir, are saying is Gondor's king returned)?

(He almost certainly wouldn't be a fan of Aragorn's plan to draw Sauron's eye away from Frodo. He probably would be greatly displeased that the Ring had been allowed to go across the River to Mordor at all, and even Boromir would have trouble convincing him otherwise.)

Thank you for letting me ramble in your askbox, haha. Don't feel pressured to answer if you don't want to or don't find the question as much as I do. (But if you do answer, I will be delighted.)

As much as the Gondor Dudes aren’t my personal hyperfixation in LotR, I am nonetheless a big fan of overthinking hypothetical situations, so this is right up my alley. :-D (Also, it’s really cool that you’re running an LotR-themed D&D campaign!! Sounds like a blast.)

To be honest, you hit pretty much every point I was going to touch on; Denethor’s despair and consequent insanity were certainly motivated, at least in part, by grief, so if you take the grief out of the equation then naturally the results are going to be at least slightly different. But we still have lots of other factors at play here: fighting a hopeless war, the looming specter of deposition, knowing that your allies just sent a nuke into the territory of the Enemy in the hands of a garden gnome so small you could punt him, and Prolonged Exposure to Cursed Artifact are still going to take their toll on Denethor’s mind. He will doubtless be more motivated to hold on to life while his favorite son is still alive, but even if he doesn't turn paranoid and filicidal, he’s still going to be Deeply Messed Up regardless.

So since I'm not getting any new ideas by looking at things from a Watsonian (in-universe) perspective, I'm gonna steer this in a Doylist (meta) direction and talk about implementation instead. The question I always ask myself with these sorts of "canon but a bit to the left" fanfictions is this:

What do you want out of the story? Do you want to:

A) Return to canon as quickly as possible? B) Change just one thing and see how far it butterfly-effects out? C) Find something somewhere in the middle?

Because the thing with "canon but a bit to the left" AUs that you can make pretty much anything work. It's a hypothetical situation. The question is how far away from canon you're willing to deviate. If I'm writing a "Boromir Lives" AU, I might go a couple of different directions, and the one I ultimately choose depends on personal preference and what I want out of the story.

Putting this under a read-more 'cause it's about to get long.

Option A: Canon, but like .5 degrees to the left

Ever since the battle at the Falls, Boromir has been following Aragorn and doing everything the Three Hunters (well, Four Hunters) do. When Pippin looks into the Palantir, Gandalf decides to take him to Minas Tirith right away, and Boromir, who's eager to get home and feels some responsibility for Pippin, volunteers to go with them.

(Yes I know that Shadowfax travels at ungodly fast speeds to get from Rohan to Gondor, but it's implied that lesser horses can keep up with their lord when they need to, so even if Boromir took a different horse they might still have been able to make it to Minas Tirith in a similar time.)

Denethor gives an enthusiastic welcome to Boromir and a far less enthusiastic welcome to Gandalf and Pippin. That welcome becomes less enthusiastic still in the ensuing conversation/interrogation, when he learns that they totally had the Ring but they sent it into Mordor instead of bringing it here. Boromir tries to reason with his father. Denethor is very disappointed with him. He blames Gandalf for corrupting his other son with all this foolishness, and treats Pippin with suspicion because of the whole prophecy with the Halfling, and the convo ends with hurt feelings all around.

I might need the War Nerds on this blog to correct me if I'm wrong, but as I understand it, the attempt to take back Osgiliath wasn't a completely useless suicide mission, at least in concept. It is a major river crossing, and controlling transportation routes is like War 101. If you make it hard for your enemy to cross the River, you make it hard for your enemy to get to your stronghold, and that's good. Not a bad idea on paper. The only problem was that Minas Tirith didn't have the manpower to pull it off.

(And also there were Nazgul.)

Anyway, the point is, it's almost logical enough that you might be able to get away with Denethor ordering the Osgiliath offensive even without the grief-induced paranoia. Besides, there's still other paranoia in play: so far as Denethor is concerned, the Ring is walking into enemy hands, his son and most trusted captain has turned against him, and Gandalf is already planning a coup.

So here's what I'm thinking. Keep the Osgiliath battle, but send Boromir out there as well. Boromir and brother bravely bear the baleful battle, before their butts are badly beat and they get bit by the Black Breath. Dad feels bad, his boasts bashed as his boys' bodies burn with fever. Battle bears down on the beleaguered bourgeoisie, but their bereaved bigwig is barely bothered, too busy building bier bonfires.

…Sorry, I don't know where that came from.

Anyway, the point is, this puts us squarely back where we'd be at this point in canon: Denethor thinks he’s about to lose his family, his city, and his kingdom, and consumed by despair he decides that it's better to die on his own terms than in the hands of the Enemy. You can pretty much just follow canon from here and copy-paste Boromir with whatever is happening to Faramir.

(Except, of course, for the whole "falling in love with Eowyn" thing. But hey! Boromir was in Rohan! He and Eowyn probably know each other already! So they might have some fun conversations in the Houses of Healing.)

This is the route I would take if you want to stick as close to canon as possible and still keep Boromir alive. If adherence to the narrative is not your biggest concern, however:

Option B: Go stupid, go crazy

Boromir doesn't die. What does that change?

Well, everything, if you let it.

Let's say Boromir does return to Minas Tirith with Gandalf and Pippin like I suggested above. Let's say he's able to talk his father into begrudgingly going along with their unorthodox plan to save the world. Let's say Denethor doesn't call for the almost-but-not-quite-entirely-completely-a-suicide-mission to Osgiliath and instead puts Boromir and Faramir to work strengthening the defenses of the Minas Tirith. By time the Battle of Pelennor Fields rolls around, Denethor—now no longer occupied by the family barbecue—is available to direct defense of the city, with both sons acting as his captains.

Awesome! All this is great stuff, right?

Well, yes. So far.

The problem is that we lose so many great moments with other characters in the process. Pippin's pell mell run to find Gandalf. Beregond abandoning his post to protect Faramir. Eowyn and Merry, who slayed the Witch King together because Gandalf was too busy putting out fires (literally!) to get down there and do it himself. Aragorn, proving that "the hands of a king are the hands of a healer"! And if Faramir and Eowyn hadn't both suffered the Black Breath, they wouldn't both have been forced to stay behind as everyone else went to fight at the Black Gate, and they wouldn't have fallen in love in the same way.

This is not a statement meant to push your decision one way or another, but it's just a fact of the decision: If you dispense with Denethor's paranoia, and the insanity, and the murder arson, then you dispense with a lot of the other cool moments in this book. The question you've got to ask yourself is if that's a price you're willing to pay, and if not, how you can work around it.

Anyway, back to Pelennor Fields. I want you to imagine that Denethor is standing at the wall, watching the battle raging below him. It's not going well. The reinforcements from Rohan arrived, but they're barely hanging on. And to his dismay, he sees a fleet of black dots which could only be Corsair ships sailing up the river.

The foremost ship unfurls a banner, with the Tree of Gondor glittering on it.

And the army that pours out of them absolutely wrecks shop with Sauron's forces.

Is Denethor feeling relief? Yes. But is he feeling dread and apprehension and anger too? Also yes. He knows what this is. It's a challenge to his power waiting to happen. All his suspicions about Gandalf's ulterior motives are coming true: he has found someone to supplant him, and whether or not this kid is the true Heir of Isildur, the darn upstart's already gone all dramatic and made a war hero out of himself. Whoop-de-frickin'-do.

And then, he sees Aragorn's face.

And he's livid.

Fun fact: Appendix A tells us that Aragorn actually worked for Denethor’s dad, Ecthelion, for a long time. Aragorn went by a different name, of course, but he was so competent and so well-liked that he became Ecthelion's most trusted and honored captain, to the point that the Steward liked Aragorn more than he liked Denethor. We don't just have history here. We have beef. It's a little bit of a Tony Stark, Howard Stark, Steve Rogers situation where it’s like “Dad liked you more than he liked me and I’m his own son”.

You’d better bet your bottom dollar that when Denethor’s childhood rival rocks up to Minas Tirith, flying a banner made by an elven princess and carrying the Sword that Was Broken on his belt like he's somebody important, it doesn’t matter if Boromir and Faramir and Imrahil and everybody else in Minas Tirith likes him and happily falls in line behind him; Denethor is still gonna take one look at his face and go, “oh. it’s YOU. I freakin' HATE you.”

Whether this colors their ongoing relationship "coolly polite" or "passive-aggressive" or "outright hostile" depends on how vindictive you want to write Denethor. Because let's be honest, bro could totally order Aragorn to leave Minas Tirith and he would; Aragorn knows he's not the king yet, and he's humble enough to accept orders while the Steward is still in charge (as bass-ackwards as that is). But the thing is that Aragorn has the support of the people, and banishing him isn't gonna change that; if anything, it will probably garner sympathy for him, cause the people of Minas Tirith to distrust their leader, and maybe result in fracturing the loyalties of the populous.

So here's what you've got, okay.

You now have a David and Saul situation.

Think about it. Charismatic, upright war hero, beloved by everyone he meets, serving under the suspicious and deeply disturbed incumbent ruler who knows the newcomer is gonna boot him off the throne. You can't live with him: 'cause he's gonna boot you off the throne. But you can't live without him: 'cause you're in desperate need of his particular set of skills, and you'd be incredibly unwise to do away with him and earn the ire of the public. So you put up with him. And put on a show of liking him. And maybe chuck a spear at his head while he's playing the harp to calm down your possibly demonic fits.

But that's just Saul, so let's get back to Denethor.

The next step, in the book, is obviously the Battle of the Black Gate. And, obviously, Denethor is gonna think this military equivalent of knocking on the door of an axe murderer and threatening him with a pea shooter is a terrible idea, because it is. But the whole point—Aragorn and Gandalf and Boromir and Faramir and Imrahil and everyone else insists—is to distract Sauron long enough that the Ring-bearer can succeed in his mission. The plan isn't to win, it's to be bait.

Now you have a few options.

Denethor can, once again, begrudgingly go along with it, showing that he's slowly changing in heart. Perhaps Aragorn's humility is winning him over. Perhaps Boromir's impassioned pleas are getting through. In any case, you have a pretty good set-up for a redemption arc here, which could be interesting if you want to go down that road.

Alternatively, this could be the moment that Denethor entirely gives in to despair and basically says "fine, if you guys wanna go kill yourselves, I'll just be over here doing the exact same thing", and he tries to make Steward a la flambé. (Whether or not he succeeds is up to you, but I will say that this would be a pretty easy way to settle the succession crisis.)

Alternatively still, Denethor could publicly denounce the whole idea as stupid and order the people of Minas Tirith to stay put and defend the city, at the same time that Aragorn and the rest are urging those same people to come with them for one last stand. Now every eligible fighter in the city has to make a choice. Who will they follow? Lord Denethor, or Lord Elfstone? The people are divided. Factions are made. (This might be the moment that a certain member of the Guard sees Faramir standing with Lord Elfstone and decides, for the first time in his life, to break the rules.) In any case, the force that travels to the Black Gate is far smaller than it would have been if not for Denethor's interference.

If you go with the first option, it's a quicker road to a happy ending. Aragorn returns victorious, he and Denethor reconcile, and Aragorn honors the Steward and puts him in a place of high esteem. Everyone in Minas Tirith likes this, including Boromir and Faramir, and everyone lives happily ever after.

If you go with the second option, Denethor has either successfully or unsuccessfully attempted sudoku, which should probably disqualify him from public leadership either way. If he succeeded in barbecuing himself, it's the tragedy of a man who never got to see the upcoming victory; if he failed, it's the tragedy of a man whose mind was so utterly broken by the Enemy that he couldn't enjoy it.

If you go with the third option, congratulations; after Aragorn gets back, you still have to deal with the succession crisis. But I've waffled on for long enough and have basically no ideas how you'd handle this post-story, so I'm not gonna go down that road any further.

Option C: Pitch straight down the middle

Now what I've just presented are the two most extreme possibilities of a "Boromir Lives" AU that exist in my brain, but they're far from the only options. This thing is a spectrum. There are a potentially infinite number of possible storylines, some closer to canon, some further away.

If you like parts of one but not the other, you can mix and match. Take an exit ramp from the AU and get back on canon wherever you want, or just don't and see where it takes you. All I've done is present the furthest extremes I could think of to help shake up the ol' creative juices.

(I would have explored the possibility of Boromir arriving on the corsair ships with Aragorn instead of a few days earlier with Gandalf and Pippin, but that didn't change much except for Boromir having less opportunities to talk his dad down from bad decisions. So do with that what you will.)

Conclusion

I have no idea if this was the kind of answer you were looking for, but I guess I'm just returning rambling for rambling, LOL! In any case, I hope this helped, and if not, I hope it was a fun read.

But there is one more thing I can do for you, before I wish you good luck in your D&D endeavors, and that's turn it over to everyone else who reads this blog and see what they think!

HEY YOU GUYS! If Boromir lived, how would that effect Denethor's psyche?? Reblog with your thoughts!

[jakowskis]

s2 time! i'm not gonna be as thorough with it as i was w s1 bc i'm not a huge fan of season 2 ff but here goes

(this post's gonna be tosh/owen + some fragments talk, then i'm gonna reblog with a day in the death stuff, and then ill make a separate post for adam bc. woo nelly. that one warrants it.)

so lets start with the tosh/owen differences. a lot of their little scenes in s2 are markedly different - mostly as far as body language. there's a surprising amount of physical affection between them.

four separate occasions (eps 3, 4, 8, and 9) where there's physical affection between them in the script that didn't make it into the episode. i find this intriguing. tosh and owen are both very... non-affectionate people. both of them could be, with someone they loved romantically, but they don't strike me as the type of people who like to cuddle with their friends. they're both naturally very aloof and non-touchy, which makes that casual physical touch very ooc. i imagine that's why it didn't end up on screen. i figure the writers here knew the show was meant to push the tosh/owen angle in s2, but it's interesting to me that it ended up being a lot more subtle and... awkward in the show itself. i've already said i'm not a towen fan, for many reasons, but one is that there's just... zero chemistry between them (in s2, anyway). every interaction is forced and uncomfortable. it's weird enough that i was thrown off by it for a long time and couldn't figure out what the show was trying to do with them, lmao. i know that their awkwardness probably appeals to some people, and is cute or smth, but i dislike it personally. mostly i'm just petty the show reduced tosh down to that relationship tbh but whatever.

i can't help but wonder if they had this casual physical affection with each other, and if it fit in and didn't feel ooc for them, if i would like them as a couple more. but honestly i have thought about what the show could've done to make tosh/owen endear me, and i don't think uncharacteristic physical affection would be it. i do like that first scene, the way their communication styles clash a bit and they don't know quite how to talk to each other. i like owen awkwardly trying to comfort her, i love when he does that, how it's like a baby deer walking for the first time fhsdjfkds. im very endeared by the way owen's empathy is either out of nowhere and all-consuming, or something he has to force and is awkward about wielding. whenever he tries to be kind it's very tentative, because it doesn't come natural to him (anymore, at least), but he does care enough to try. i'm so fond of it. also hes sooo nd ehehe. tosh too.

will say this: i do appreciate owen getting hugs. he does need it. tosh needs it too. if the team WAS physically affectionate with each other they'd be better off, i think.

two more tosh/owen things...

see, this is what i mean when i say i couldn't tell what the show was doing with them. the SHOW can't even tell. this whole scene is written very vaguely, with little insight into owen's head, like the damn writer doesn't even know why he finally agreed. this is probably my, like, fourth favorite tosh/owen scene, which isn't saying much, 'cause i still don't really like it. it's cute in like, three spots, but mostly it just feels... weird. i don't understand what burn was intending with his acting choices, because owen comes across as insincere and slightly snide. it's weird and gross, and it rubs me wrong. i don't know if he's trying to be casual and play it cool or something, but the way he laughs at her makes me wanna punch him. the way owen treats tosh is just about the only place i legitimately can't stand him.

one last bit about it. see, 'fondly'. in the actual scene, i would describe the way owen looks at her in this moment as.... amused (at her expense) and slightly condescending. like he thinks she's laughable. it fucking bothers me. which sucks because i wanna like them, i do. i think they could be compatible. but the way he treats her in canon is nauseating and i can't get behind it.

right, and then two fragments moments i wanna discuss

all i really wanna say here is again (as mentioned in my end of days talk), chibnall didn't specify owen crying or anything, but he spends his whole segment of this ep in tears. point is i wanna thank burn gorman for the way owen constantly is teary eyed and miserable, with those big pretty brown doe eyes of his. it means the world to me. thats all

actually it's not all cuz i also wanna point out jack grabbing owen to stop him instead of owen collapsing into tears and sobbing into jacks chest while jack holds him. the dead man walking script similarly didn't specify the physical touch between jack and owen in the three places it appears, so i imagine that was largely something decided by the actors... i'm very compelled by the three separate instances where we see owen attack jack one minute / at one point in the ep and then sob in his arms the next. their relationship is sooo unhealthy fff

[lgbtlunaverse]

I often get a little annoyed when I see posts that are something along the lines of "Y'all have GOT to learn to engage in media without shipping. Art is not just for shipping. If you get into art for shipping and nothing else that's bad and you have no media literacy why won't you care about THEMES?" because, yeah, they are technically correct. If you only egage with art in this one hyperspecific way you're going to miss out on a lot of good art and miss a lot of good things about the art you do like because you're only busy shipping.

But also... it is literally impossible to tell if someone is doing that based on a tumblr blog. "Everywhere I go I can only find people shipping why doesn't anyone care about anything else?!" A lot of them probably do, they're just not talking about it on their ship blogs.

This is a fanfic focused blog. Fic, and shipping by extension, are a very specific way of engaging with a work that I only use with a small amount of the art I experience. You know what my favorite book that I read this year was? Piranesi. Favorite movie? Everything everywhere all at once. Favorite series? Midnight mass.

And guess what? I'm not gonna write fanfic about ANY of those. And while I'll reblog posts about them that cross my dash I am also not going to seek out other fans on tumblr for these works specifically. And so, from looking at my blog, you'll have no idea that I read and loved these works, or that I spend a lot of my time thinking about them, their atmosphere, characters, and themes.

And that's just the narrative art I loved most. I've also gone to museums, and I'm definitely not writing any fanfiction about mondriaan's paintings.

You know what work I'm thinking about most these days? The book Flatland by Edwin Abott Abott. (Yes he is named Abott twice) a book about A Square (first name A last name Square) living in a two dimensional world being visited by a sphere from our three-dimenaional world. I read it several years ago, interested in the mathematical aspect, because by looking through A Square's perspective of meeting a creature from a world with a dimension he cannot fundamentally comprehend, we can imagine what the fourth dimension might look like to us.

I read it, loved the mindfuckery aspect of it, but was at various points annoyed at the horrible misogyny. The men in flatland are polygons with social status based on he number of sides and the widness of their angles, circles on top and triangles at the bottom. But the women are all simple line segments, automatically lower in society than even the lowest ranking men. A Square tells us women have to emit a "peace cry" when they walk, because walking into them (due to their sharp point) can be deadly, and if they don't do this they're executed. And women with any sickness that causes "involuntary motions" which can be as little as sneezing too hard, is instantly killed. He seems to think these are rational laws in the interest of public safety and also in the best interest of the women themselves. He also says that due to their lack of angles, women "are wholy devoid of of brainpower, and have neither reflection, judgement, nor forethought."

Yikes.

"I like it, but you can definitelly tell this was written by a man in 1884" I remember telling my mom.

Well guess what? This year I found out that flatland isn't just about having a low-level existential crisis at imagining the fourth dimension (beings from the 4th dimension would be able to directly see and touch our insides guys. Like. Just entirely bypass your skin and poke at your spleen) it is also a satire and social critique of victorian society. The misogyny is there to criticize victorian concept of gender roles! The bogus and violent laws that are shoddily justified to be for "public safety", the complete exclusion from women in the advancement and social class, the made up standard of angles and sides pretending to be biologically sound such as to "scientifically" justify their oppression. That's misogyny, baby! It's on purpose!

And it's a flawed attempt. A Square, as a man of his time, has no respect whatsoever for women and the few female characters the book has get barely any pagetime. This is accurate for the sexist pov the story is written from, and Edward Abott Abott, in a foreword of a revised edition, makes it clear that thay was exactly his intention. But it does mean that we never get to actually hear what any of the women of flatland think about living in this horribly misogynistic society. It's intended as a critique of misogyny, but any misogynist reading the book who doesn't find the sexism of flatland all that outlandish, can read the whole book with those assumptions going unchallenged. The satire only works if you already agree women are people.

But it's still good, insofar as portraying a ridiculously sexist society and the mind bogglingly stupid and arbitrary justifications mysoginists try to give for their bigotry, it is accurate. By removing it from our own world and putting it in flatland, we can more clearly see that connecting social status to wideness of angles is ridiculous, and the misogyny has no material basis. As a person who does agree that women are people, and is no longer under the impression that, because it was written in the 1880s, the misogny must be genuine, I can now, on a reread, appreciate the satire.

Prior to this post, looking at my blog, YOU WOULD NOT KNOW THIS. And I don't plan on posting many essays about flatland in the future. I read it because my mom recommended it to me, and so the way I discuss my thoughts on it is mostly with her, in real life. And I enjoy that more than I would posting about it here.

So yes, people SHOULD approach media from different lenses than shipping alone. Because shipping only works well for a subset of all art out there, and it is only one of the many ways to engage with it. But posts on tumblr are not solid proof of whether people are doing that or not.

It's also funny because a lot of the complaints of "why is everyone only interested in shipping for X" are about, like, adaptations of ya novels or comic books or god forbid shounen anime. You know, the shows with huge casts of usually likable, attractive and varied characters? Where a big part of the appeal is the entertaining dynamics those characters have which each other? Aka prime material for shipping?

Like, yeah, it can suck when it feels like the rest of the fandom is too busy smashing fictional barbie dolls together to have interesting conversations about the things you liked about the show. But please don't watch the Ship Show and then complain that everyone is shipping.

I wanted to end this post by telling you to go read flatland because there's no fanfiction of that but there are, in fact, over 40 works on ao3 for flatland by edwin abott abott and over half of them are gravity falls fics. It completely undermines my point but it's too funny to leave out.

[i-need-some-advice-on]

i already sent this to another blog, but didn't really get advice so I'm trying here,

Me and my friend group used to be friends with this person, C, and C was really toxic: like they'd yell and scream at me for having interests (Like once I mentioned I enjoyed Taylor Swift music and got told to kill myself, and another time i was talking about how I enjoy loud events like concerts and they were like "I bet you like pep rallies" [<- me not clocking onto them like making fun of me] and i was like "omg! I do!" because i thought back to the pep rally I had the same day and my school brought in a fire dancer so really C's loss) and they would constantly guilt trip and manipulate us, and there was this one time where C and I got into an argument (For them being a bitch) and an hour later they went into our group's venting chat and was all like "I have these thoughts about killing people in this group chat" how am I meant tot take that?? Cause I took it as "oh shit, this online friend who knows my address and has seen my face wants to kill me." and i freaked out and deactivated my account and deleted the platform cause it just wasn't good for my mental health to be there. I ended up going back because I'm one of the older people in that group chat and I view most of them as my little siblings who I just want to make sure they're all safe and they were all worried for me. I went back and looked at the chats from when I was gone and C was twisting the story to be like "Oh Connie (me) was being really bitchy, and trying to push a narrative that I was manipulative towards them so he's trying to make it seem like I'm in the wrong" which yk i just did not feel safe so sure whatever

Later, me and some friends ended up talking about it, because this friend who is like just barely not a child and younger than C had so much worse experiences with C, this friend (R) is in a really bad place mentally and ended up coming to the group whenever they got into an episode where they would be in danger of harming themselves and what did C do? C started saying stuff like "It'd be cool if we killed ourselves at the same time" ????? what the fuck!?!?!? you don't just say that?????? Especially not to a child who needs to be talked out of killing themselves????? thank fucking god R didn't do anything and another friend was there to call C out because actually if I ever meet C irl I'm going to jail. C also ended up doxxing R and I got all the screenshots of that and we ended up kicking C out.

Now, I WISH that was the end of that, that both us in the group and C moved on, but C keeps on venting about us and twisting the story to make us seem like the bad guys saying stuff like "I still think about that friend group that kicked me out because I have poor memory/for my NPD" when in fact we didn't KNOW that C is a. a system and b. has NPD

But, also if I'm gonna say something, C's DID is really weird, like they ONLY have altars from their weird yaoi anime (that they tried to force me and some people to watch while C talked about their piss kink- it was weird) and all their alters are trans masc, I might just be uneducated so if any systems could like tell me if that's weird or not thanks. They use their disorders against a lot, like saying stuff like they weren't the one "controlling" their body when they said all that stuff and that they can't help but act the way they do because of the NPD, but correct me if I'm being wrong, having NPD doesn't tell your "friends" that you want to kill them? Inside thoughts maybe?

So, C keeps venting and ranting about us and we've told him multiple times that we DONT want them to keep talking about us, especially cause they tag the youngest member of our group(E) who they used to rant and vent and guilt-trip the worst in post that make E feel bad about kicking them out.

They recently vented about us and it was the final straw, I called them out of their shitty behavior in the replies (I didn't want to reblog and not only draw more attention to the post, but also I didn't want that negativity on my page) but one things led to another and my group and I were getting hate asks and anonymous death threats sent to us, I got the worst of it with a bunch of rape and death threats and when I made a post being like "Hey! This isn't cool!" C told the anons in my replies (Not a reblog mind you, a comment.) to dm them instead of telling anon to stop. I'mn a victim on s/a, and so being told by someone that they'd come to my house and s/a me really wasn't good for my mental health and I ended up having a break down and relapsing on my s/h that night

We kept telling C to stop venting about us and just apologize for their shitty behavior and they sounds they wouldn't stop either because they "have a right to post this stuff" and they can't apologize for stuff they don't remember or stuff they don't believe they did wrong, they ended up blocking me and three-four others but left R unblocked because R wasn't in the argument (And we learned later that R had another episode one night and apologized to C, which none of us are mad at R for we were just shocked because R had absolutely nothing to apologize for and C had nothing to forgive R for)

I just want advice on how to get C to stop posting twisted vents about us and/or actually make them see what they did to us really fucked us over and that C isn't the victim. Can we ever do that? I'm tired of C acting like we were so bad to him when C would throw fits if we weren't constantly giving him all of our attention

.

[deathlygristly]

Sometimes I find things I wrote online a long time ago and they contain memories that I no longer have.

I've seen that post about what would you have posted about if you were on here when you were 11, and I was like hmmm, the Holocaust, My Little Pony, ACC basketball, Sherlock Holmes, Edgar Allan Poe, The Little Mermaid, Animaniacs, Tiny Toons, and also apparently according to the old posts I found Gandhi and MLK Jr. It would appear that several years ago I remembered a fascination with them coming after the interest in the Holocaust.

Which makes sense, I guess. Little me trying to find some hope in humanity afterwards. I mean, that is around the time my mother signed me up for Big Brother, Big Sister. I heard her on the phone saying that she didn't know what to do with me and I was terrified she was giving me up for adoption. Turned out it was more that she didn't know how to handle an existentially depressed preteen who would look at the most beautiful spring days and imagine smoke rising from the crematorium.

Also when I wrote those posts I was having a similar reaction about healthcare here in the US, trying to find a way to live in a world where I was under the control of other members of my species who were fine with extreme suffering and cruelty and who enjoyed causing it. It was shortly after the ulcer where my choices were to go to the ER or die, so the cost of healthcare here was on my mind a lot.

Then came Trump, and finally my choices were adapt to living on the same planet as humans or die. I chose to adapt. Got medication for the anxiety and managed to find some level of seeing and appreciating the most beautiful spring days and being extremely happy with that and just letting the human darkness go so I could live.

So if I don't reblog much political content on here and I unfollow/block people I don't know well who reblog a lot of the darker and more vicious stuff, it's because of that choice. Me talking about how awesome the spousal person is, about how it's fun to watch kdramas and try teas with him, about how cool the cats are, etc - that's all me choosing to live.

Humans are gonna human and I can't stop it or control it or do anything about it, but I can appreciate beauty and I can laugh and I can pet cats and I can hug the spousal person and I can live as well as I can, since I was born on this planet and I have no other choice anyway.

It is still interesting and fun occasionally to wonder about how humans work and to try to understand where the cruelty and enjoyment of causing suffering comes from or even how much of it is the result of conscious choice and how much of it is just the unfortunate result of how human brains work in certain situations.

And if anything trying to learn about that more has helped, because the more I've learned the more I've realized that a lot of it comes from a cycle of abuse and trauma and how human brains react to that cycle, and how most humans aren't scary monsters who enjoy hurting others. They're mostly just traumatized and/or ignorant and/or trying to survive as best they know how and/or desperate to stay included in their tribe. They're more pitiful than scary, and I mean pitiful as in inspiring much pity, not as an insult.

I think probably the only thing I can do about humans being human is to try to be kind and help others, and doing what I can to keep myself joyful helps with that.

I don't know. Anyway tonight we're going to pick up a sanity pill refill, aka escitalopram, and eat at our favorite restaurant, so we'll only have time for one episode. Which there aren't any new shows airing today that we're into so it'll be an episode of Faith, aka The Great Doctor. It's from 2012 when kdramas did not have the budget they have now and it's very amusing. Also it's from before the Joseon Exorcist controversy so it's actually based on real history near the end of the Goryeo dynasty and it's fun learning about the real people the characters are based on.

[noeggets]

Just came hear after seeing your post on Espio's feelings regarding the Mr. Tinker situation.

I've always thrived on the idea that, at some point, some of the fellas (let's say Shadow, Espio, Whisper, Omega, Lanolin and screw it let's throw in Surge and Kit) have had it up to Chaos with Sonic's pacifism towards Eggman and decide to take care of him themselves. This would eventually lead to a Civil-War situation where Team Shadow's hunting down Eggman while Sonic and his remaining allies are forced to protect him not just from the others, but maybe even the entire public who would somehow be swayed against Sonic's ideals.

So yeah thanks for coming to my TED talk or something off I go into the abyss never to step foot on your grounds ever again/j

thats a interesting situation

i don't like giving my opinion because i feel like someone is going to take this as me putting down your idea but im really not this is just how i feel with my characterization of shadow and the other guys im sorry tjnsfdkbg

i feel like a civill war could break out where the citizens of the town Sonic lives in would do this but i don't feel like Shadow would only do this if there was a driving force either between G.U.N telling him too or if he had a really strong reason (like if he thought Eggman was going to do something truly diabolical that hurts the world Shadow lives in, like doing the zobot mess again) cause he gave him a chance for Sonic already so this time he gets 0 chances

i don't think people like Sonic as a pacifist but i think the characterization of sonic being a pacifist to the point of it endangering others is really good for him and for story telling, that's his flaw, i saw somebody reblog my Espio post and say something like they hate that Sonic's pacifist but i love it jdsrhfdhgjf that's why Sonic would form a "Protect Eggman" thing because he's gonna do it with or without the help of his friends, Sonic does not care he will not let them do that to Eggman that's why he wanted to send the Zeti home cause he values their life.

Back to talking about Shadow, remember when he was talking to Sonic and Sonic said something like: remember Eggman may done a lot bad things but he helped us when it really counted and if somebody does something bad once they get no chances i should be trying to take you down with Eggman even if your not that same person anymore.

I can get on board to the idea of Espio and Whisper agreeing with Shadow that if Eggman did such a thing they shouldn't let him live anymore but i don't think Espio and Whisper would go against Sonic as to hurt him or his friends that are agreeing with him to protect Eggman, Whisper has been taught Tangle and Cream killing isn't worth it and i just don't think Espio has it in him to assassinate he'd agree with Shadow in the moment but when it came down to it i feel like Espio would rather have Eggman locked up in a high security prison over ending his life even after the whole Zobot thing cause i remember he was really pissed when he was talking to Knuckles who tried to comfort him.

I don't think Surge cares enough about Eggman but i don't im not caught up enough with the idw comic to say, her feelings but whatever she does Kit follows and i feel like she'd only be on the Eggman hunt to make Sonic's day worse and difficult, she doesn't care about Eggman she only cares about how this affects Sonic

Omega is a complex thing cause he hates Eggman and any opportunity he gets to do away with him i feel like he'd take it but Omega has a heart and if Rouge begged him not to i feel like that could end it there

i don't know enough about Lanolin but i feel like she wouldn't agree on killing Eggman but she would agree that the world would be a better place without him i feel like she could be manipulated into the idea of "if Eggman was dead we'd have less problems in the world" to the point where she thinks this is the righteous choice and let her morals take her places they shouldn't until somebody knocks her to the reality of "ending a life is bad"

THIS IS ONLY MY OPINION don't let me stop you from making cool AU's how would you rationalize these characters thinking Eggman's death is for the greater good? cause i could not and could imagine some of them thinking this way but in some lights put in the right/wrong situation i can see it

[thetrashbois]

PINNED UPDATED FINALLY

Hey! I'm Spooky! I'm 25 years old, and use she/they pronouns.

I've had this blog for a very long time but it's been very on and off being used, And yet I keep coming back 👉👉

This blog is my vibing place for my self shipping! This can go anywhere from just reblogging my blorbos, to me actually making stuff! Mainly art and writing!

This blog is 18+ only. No minors. I like to keep all my content for this on one blog so that includes more sinful content. Though it will be tagged accordingly if you don't wanna see it! (Tags at bottom!)

I tend to switch around a lot to different fandoms and interests. It's rare I'll stop liking a fandom or character though. I have many Blorbos and the number only grows uwu

I have a lot of mental health stuff going and self shipping is a big coping mechanism for me. ✌️

I'm a system! I don't really plan to talk about it much on this blog, but on the off chance it comes up I'll say it ™️

I have two amazing partners, @calamari-minecraft-corner and @angelover44 . ❤️

My main is @spooookyqueen, I follow from there!

I'm not gonna do a full DNI this time cause I don't have the braincells, and people don't always respect them anyway, but I will set a few ground rules.

Obviously any basic DNI stuff would apply.

I wanna keep discourse of any kind off here for the most part, it stresses me out and if im gonna talk about that sort of thing it would be on my main and not my self shipping blog.

For the most part everyone is welcome here, just don't be an ass or just straight up make me or anyone uncomfortable.

I do on occasion post darker topics here, especially given I like a lot of evil or fake characters. I don't not support anything of the sort irl. This obviously does not include the obvious no-nos.

Anything with dark content will be tagged accordingly. If anyone needs me to add more tags I will gladly do so. And if I forget, please don't hesitate to let me know. (Just don't be rude about it)

I can't promise any form of logic for when I post and what I post. My ADHD makes me a bit all over sometimes so there's no schedule or anything. Sometimes I might not post for a long time, it's really just up to what I see, feel up to.

Asks are always open! Just don't be rude or disrespectful is all I ask. I am just vibing here after all.

I'm not above blocking if y'all can't behave though.

I have many silly aus and such. Sometimes crossovers. What one with a small brain might call "cringe"

Jokes on your cringe culture is dead though and I killed it 💜

FR tho, Were all just having fun here 👉👉

Also sorry for any spelling/grammar issues on here or on any other post of mine, I struggle a lot sometimes with my ADHD since my brain tends to be faster than my hands. And if I don't type quick enough I tend to lose my thoughts

Main Tags I use below, Will add F/O Tags as I go ✌️

General Tags

#Cala my beloved Posts involving @calamari-minecraft-corner

#Katlyn my beloved Posts involved @angelover44

#Suggestive Not quite going into sexual territory but the implication is there

#Sinful Mature content, namely the sexual sort

#My Memes

#My Edits

#My Art

#My Writing

Blorbo Tags

#Wesker or #Albert Wesker Albert Wesker from the Resident Evil franchise & Dead By Daylight

#Eddie or #Eddie Gluskin Eddie Gluskin from Outlast: Whistleblower

#Darkiplier Darkiplier from Markiplier's Ego Videos (Or as I call them the Markiplier Cinematic Universe)

#Damien or #Mayor Damien Damien from Markiplier's Ego Videos (Or as I call them the Markiplier Cinematic Universe)

#Celine or #Seer Celine Celine from Markiplier's Ego Videos (Or as I call them the Markiplier Cinematic Universe)

#Astarion or #Astarion Ancunín Astarion from Baldur's Gate 3

#Gale or #Gale Dekarios Gale Dekarios from Baldur's Gate 3

#Raphael Raphael from Baldur's Gate 3

#Miguel or #Miguel O'Hara Miguel from the Spider-Verse Movies

#Spot, #The Spot, or #Johnathon Ohnn Johnathon Ohnn/The Spot from the Spider-Verse Movies

#Vox Vox From Hazbin Hotel

#Lucifer or #Lucifer Morningstar Lucifer from Hazbin Hotel

Will add more as I go, anyway, thanks for reading ✌️