#not gonna lie i would like to see a AU like that lmao

[malvo-ish]

*at some point in an Alternative Universe in which Nebula went out to get the Orb instead of Gamora*

Nebula: *grabs Peter by the collar and kisses him passionately on the lips*

Nebula, pulling away, out of breath: You’re still not my type.

Peter: You make me sick.

Nebula & Peter: *kiss passionately again*

[stealingpotatoes]

In your au, (jks)

If leia was the one to travel back in time and stabbed the chancellor with a spork i like to think that everyone would immediately clock her as anakin's kid. with luke it's always the name that gives him away, but i feel like here every one just gets a read on her vibe and is like oh no skywalker spawned

anakin frankly doesn't see it, and he says as much to the council who are trying to stifle their laughter bc leia pulled the exact same pose when they tried to tell her off for sporking the supreme chancellor

THEY HAD US IN THE FIRST HALF SENTENCE, NOT GONNA LIE--

but LMAO YES,, anidala gets revealed bc this child is so clearly theirs. even ppl who weren't suspicious before are like "Idk HOW but this is yours. definitely anakin's and probably padmé's. wtf"

also love u saying it as "oh no skywalker spawned" like every force-sensitive gets a notification that the galaxy and the force just got a WHOLE lot more chaotic

[derangedanomaly]

Woi!! You're still taking requests, right? If it's okay, can you do any sanses x fem!reader who's kinda like Niffty from hazbin hotel? You know, like obsessed with cleaning, extremely hyper, and a little,,, deranged? [Cute emoji]

Bonus points if reader is short. The chaotic little rat <3

Yes! I love my girl Niffty! I swear, she's so silly. I think that this is a fun request! Thank you! And since you left me to pick out the Sanses, I'll do those that aren't requested much! Thank you for the request!

Masterlist

SANS AUS X READER THAT ACTS LIKE NIFFTY

(Sci, Fresh, Epic, Horror, Ink)

Sci:

Likes having you around, because you clean up his lab 💀

I swear, he tries to clean it up, but he just doesn't have patience and the time for it.

You're a blessing for real.

The thing he's not very happy about, is how hyper you are.. you have too much energy, that you sometimes mess up an experiment of his on accident.

He tried to observe why you're so hyper all the time, but you just kept staring at him, doing absolutely nothing

He got shocked when he realized that you completely took over his normally busy schedule.

Doesn't comment on your height, but he will laugh whenever you're trying to get something that's too high up.

Do you need a lift?

He doesn't know why, or how, but you somehow wormed your way to his heart.. this needs to be figured out!

Fresh:

The first thing he immediately noticed, (besides your height), is that you like to stare. A lot.

He gets a little uncomfortable at your staring... So he will probably just leave while you're having your own staring contest. 💀 (Him?? UNCOMFORTABLE?! The skeleton that makes everyone else uncomfortable??? Well that's a first.)

Laughs whenever you're running around cleaning everything. But when he accidentally mentions that his house is a mess, he'll immediately freeze upon noticing the FATAL mistake he just did. 💀

Shares the same amount of hyper energy as you. Which makes you a pretty good duo. That's rad brah!

I swear, everyone audibly groans whenever they see you two together. They just know that it's gonna be pretty unbearable when you're both involved.

Likes your shortness. Gives him an excuse to hold you. ❤️

Epic:

Lmao this meme master constantly jokes about your height.

Tell the bugs I said hi.💀

Doesn't appreciate whenever you're cleaning because you pay no attention to him! :(

But you're a pretty good motivation if he does say himself. Like, you're always so determined to clean everything you come across! It's a motivation, really.

Doesn't know what to think about your derangement. Kinda creeps him out at times, not gonna lie.

Horror:

Horror is pretty big, so you look like a leaf next to him.

But the difference is, is that Horror is like a cuddly bear towards you, and you're like a menace to society.

It makes him feel warm whenever he finds you cleaning.

After awhile, Horror will probably start to think that you're a married couple. You're cleaning for him, cooking for him (which he helps you out with), hell, you do SO many things for him. (He's just confused with what your relationship is 😭)

He likes how deranged you are. Makes him at ease knowing that you won't freak out when he brings a dead human home.

He keeps saying that you're like his sun. (MY HEART)

Ink:

You're both short asf. So when he makes a comment about you being short, you make one right back.

You're both just stuck in a never ending insult game about your heights. 💀

Doesn't get why you're always cleaning. He doesn't see the point if it's gonna get dirty again anyways.

The only thing he probably likes about you is how hyper you are. (You're matching energies.)

You, Fresh and Ink would be a really dangerous trio 💀

Overall, you both don't really get along. But that's only because Ink is always salty. 🙄

[shotmrmiller]

i love reading your all works and absolutely love the pornstar! au. i’ve never sent an ask before but reading all the previous drabbles and asks i could help but think about that fated time when reader and ghost have to film a scene again.

theres really not any plot for the video they are supposed to film. the studio just wants another viral scene with the two of them. so they fly them out to a nice location, rent out a gorgeous house with plans to have the two of them fuck on every surface they can.

everything seems to be going well since the last time actually spoke to one another. ghost trys to playfully apologize for picking up the phone while he was having sex (wether he meant to or not) and the reader just accepts it with a smile. he thinks everything is going great until they actually start filming and the moment he slips into her, he knows some is off.

shes making noises, moaning and whining like she usually does but the pitch is off. she isn’t clenching around him in the way that he remembers, in fact she isn’t clenching at all, even though she looks like shes enjoying it. he’s balls deep in her when it hits him like a ton of bricks, shes faking it.

his brain is tryna keep up with everything thats happening around him. the lights, cameras, and (the lack of) sensations all around him, almost become too much to handle in that moment. that would probably be the first time in a long time that he had to push himself to finish.

sorry if this has to many grammatical errors or anything like that, im on my phone rn. but yeah that was in my mind lmao. again love your work 😘

heheheheh ur evil!!!

i love it!!!

and maybe he asks for a cut, he can't do this.

"what's wrong, Ghost?"

how does he bring up the fact that you're dry? he knows what you feel like in the throes of your pleasure, and this isn't that.

"you're not aroused, love. maybe i can use my mouth?"

your laugh is forced. it makes his skin crawl.

"no, that's alright. maybe some lube?"

it's a blow to his ego. what, is his tongue not good enough anymore? his fingers not doing the trick?

is he getting old?

"nothing personal, yeah?"

no. it's everything personal and he tells you so.

"mmmm, no, no i don't think it is. This is work, see. A job. So take your viagra or whatever, get the warm lube and let's get this done. You can lie back and think of london."

he does. he lets you do all the work, hates that your pussy isn't drooling on him like it usually does, your moans and cries so high-pitched and fake, they grate his ears.

he digs his fingers into the meat if you arse as you bounce on his cock and when he comes, it's with your face behind his eyelids, from the first time he took you.

you also pull out as he comes, painting only his tightened stomach with his spend, warm on his skin.

your coquettish smile sets his teeth on edge.

fake fake fake

so fucking fake.

when the director calls it, youre shooting up off the bed, leaving him to clean himself up.

"i'm gonna order some food, you want some?"

as if he could eat with the nausea that rolls through him.

"no? allllrighty."

when he gets a text of his main squeeze, it clicks.

he can't get his cake and eat it too.

[springseasonie]

Hii! Can i request something spicy with renjun? Having passionate love making with him after being on tour for months? Sorry btw, this is my first request, idk if that's how i should do it😅

Missed you (M)

Warnings: sexual content, idol!renjun x non idol!reader, oral (fem receiving), no protection, pull out method, nipple play(kinda??), Proofread but may contain errors

Word count: 3,4k

A/N: do not worry this is exactly how you should request lmao. This concept is so sweet, I usually like to shy away from idol aus but I really liked this one. Ik it's a bit long but I got kinda carried away lmao I hope you like it 😖

There was nothing you wanted to do more than see your boyfriend. You've been away from him for too long and you really needed to see him. He's changed so much before your eyes and you weren't there to witness it all. The last time you saw him was when he came to your place right before going on the plane for the rest of the tour, and now he's finally back.

You already called and talked to him the morning he got back, but he was so exhausted and tired, so you wanted to give him his rest. Now you're sitting in your apartment eating ice cream in his shirt scrolling through pictures of him just when you hear your bell go off.

"Weird," you mumbled,"I didn't buy anything." You pressed your intercom, wanting to hear who it was. "Who is it?"

"Open up."

It was Renjun, your boyfriend, your man, your everything. You quickly unlocked your door, swinging it open to see him standing outside with a couple of bags and a smile on his face. You didn't expect to be this emotion, but tears started forming in your eyes the moment you looked at him. God, you missed him so much.

"Aww, baby." He put the bags down and immediately started hugging you, wrapping his arms around you tight as you cried into his chest.

He still smelled the same and was just as comfy and warm as before. No, you didn't expect him to be a different person after months of being away, but you needed to see him in the flesh. Renjun rubbed circles in your back slowly trying to sooth you in all your crying.

"I missed you so much," you said quietly.

"I know, baby. I missed you too," he said, kissing the top of your head.

You moved away from him, brows knitting as you realized the situation. "You told me you were gonna come over tomorrow," you pouted, "why did you lie?"

"To surprise you," he chuckled softly. "Now let me in okay. I bought you so many gifts."

Renjun released you from his embrace, watching as you picked up some of his bags with a warm smile on his face. Renjun was always happy that he had someone like you in his life that made traveling and coming back easier. His life as an idol was so busy and so tiring and luckily you understood it. You both would fight and argue about things, so that was out of his control, but he loved you the same no matter what and you loved him always.

Renjun puts the other bags down at your front door, closing and locking it. Your apartment was a bit messier than usual probably because you had no idea he was coming. "You have no idea how much I missed you," he told you. Renjun pulled you to him, planting a kiss on your lips. You smiled, kissing him back.

"How was your flight," you mumbled on his lips.

"It was okay. Same as every other flight," he said. Renjun stroked the back of your head slowly looking at you with adoration and love. He missed you so much. He missed actually being around you and actually talking to you in person and not on a phone or screen.

"No crazy people right?"

"There's always gonna be crazy people," he chuckled softly.

"Need me to beat them up? You know I will."

He laughed at your words, kissing your cheek softly. He always appreciated your sense of humor in times where he was tired or stressed. You always made him feel at ease. "I really wanna show you the stuff I got you."

"Well what are we waiting for? Show me." You took some of the bags and bought them around the couch. Renjun followed you getting the rest of them, but he couldn't keep his eyes off of your frame in his shirt. You looked so nice in his clothes, he missed seeing you walk around in his clothes, pants, whatever.

The both of you sit on your couch, and you can't contain the pure excitement you felt. Renjun always bought you something when he traveled. Gifts was his love language, and you always accepted it with open arms. He picked up a bag and handed it to you. "Open it."

You reached in the bag picking up something that was a little heavy. You pulled it out seeing it was a candle. Renjun loved candles and his love for candles made you love them too. He watched you, anticipating your reaction as you smelled the wax.

"Oh my god it smells so good. Where did you get it," you asked.

"A candle shop in London. I bought one for Haechan too," he told you.

You nodded, placing it on your coffee table. You picked up another bag, reaching to take out the object, but your hand was met with a box instead. You looked inside and saw it was a shoe box. "Renjun, you did not.."

"I did," he said with a happy smile.

You pulled the box out the bag, opening it quickly. "Junie," you said with a pout, "I've wanted these forever."

"I know, that's why I got them for you." You wrap your arms around him in a strong hug as you nuzzle your neck in his. "I love you so much."

"I love you too," he said,"these took ages to find."

You released him from your grasp, kissing him softly. "You really didn't have to. They were probably expensive."

"It's not like I can't afford them," he laughed. "Open the last one."

You picked up the bag, reaching inside feeling fabric. Your brows furrowed at the feeling, not knowing what it could've been. You pulled it out, a smirk appearing on your lips when you saw it was a black lace bra. That couldn't have been everything could it? You reached back in, finger hooking on another piece of fabric. Pulling it out, your brows shoot up seeing the scandalous lingerie set.

"There's something else."

You looked in the bag, seeing a smaller one. You pulled it out and opened it, jaw dropping at the ring box inside. You looked at him, eyes searching for an answer in his facial expression or body language, but you couldn't tell what he was thinking.

"Relax," he said, chuckling softly. "I'm not proposing to you." You let out a sigh of relief, rolling your eyes a bit. The both of you were still so young, so it honestly scared you a bit when you saw the box. "It's just something I thought you would like."

You opened the box, eyes almost bulging out of your head. "Renjun, there are so many diamonds."

"I know," he laughed.

"Are you sure you're not proposing to me," you said, squinting at him suspiciously.

"I'm sure. Do you like it?"

"I love it Junie…I really don't know what to say," you admit emotionally. "I should be giving you all these things..planning all this special stuff for you. I don't deserve all this."

Renjun looked at you before answering, a smile tugging at his lips. He leaned into you, kissing you deeply and cupping your face. You kissed him back, this time the feeling was a bit more stronger. "You deserve all of this and the world. I thought of you every second of every day, and I wanted this rig to show that."

You didn't want to be emotional, but you were. You looked at him with a small pout trying hard to not tear up at his words. You were happy and relieved that he thought of you as much as you did of him.

"And," he continued, " I was kind of hoping we could put the other stuff I bought to use tonight. Only if you want to of course."

Renjun watched as your face suddenly brightened up, nodding quickly.

"Y-yeah, of course we can. I missed you so much."

"Then let's get to it then."

-

"Can I come in now," Renjun asked you through your bedroom door.

"Yeah, come in."

Renjun walked into your bedroom, mouth opening slightly seeing you sitting on your bed with the lingerie he bought you on, and the candle lit. He couldn't help but smile at the scene in front of him. You stood up and walked to him slowly. Once you got to him, you wrapped your arms around his neck as he placed his hands on your hips.

"I want us to take things slow tonight. I missed you a lot," you said to him quietly.

"I wasn't planning on taking it fast," he chuckled softly. His hands snakes around your body ending up on your ass. "I love you."

"I love you too." You leaned in, kissing him deeply. Renjun kissed you back, biting your lip softly. The two of you kissed each other for a bit, having not done it in months because of the tour. You missed the way his lips molded into your easily. His small sighs and exhales he made while kissing you. You missed it all.

Suddenly, Renjun picked you up, hands holding under your thighs. His lips never left yours as he carried you to your bed, laying you down gently. "Tonight is gonna be all about you, okay," he mumbled.

"But you're probably tired because of the tour. Let me take care of you Junie." Your hands made their way to his jeans, tugging at his belt, but he gently stopped you.

"Lay down and relax."

You rolled your eyes, but listened to him as he crawled down your body. Renjun glided his fingertips over your body softly, tickling you and feeling you in the places he hasn't been able to touch in months. Your eyes were closed, so you couldn't see his brows knit as he was trying to constrain himself from moving too fast.

You shiver when his fingers move lower, pinky finger lifting the waistband of your lingerie snapping it back on your skin.

"Everything stays on tonight," he muttered.

You felt a tug on your legs, startling you a bit, making you open your eyes. Raising yourself on your elbows, Renjun was now on his knees in front of you facing your growing wet core. He took both of your legs, placing them over his shoulders.

Your breath hitched when his tongue came in contact with your clothed clit, legs twitching at the sensation. He did it again, kissing the sensitive bud softly all while looking right into your big pretty eyes. He licked a stripe along your clothed slit, earning a soft moan from you. He missed hearing your moans so clear and not over the phone.

But he was so eager, he had to taste you.

Renjun moved the lace covering your core to the side letting out a deep breath he didn't know he was holding in seeing how wet you were. He barely touched you, and like always you were so ready for him to take you, touch you, taste you.

You let out a small whine when his mouth came into contact with your clit, licking and kissing the bud slowly. Renjun licked a stripe along your slit, arousal gathering so easily on his tongue. You let out a shuddering moan, almost a little too sensitive because you hadn't been touched in months. The most simple things he did to you were driving you mad, every little movement and touch making you melt into his hands.

Renjun sped up his tongue, brows furrowing slightly when he felt you start to grind on his mouth.

"Junie, that feels so good," you moaned softly.

He sucked your clit harder, watching as your rolled back, face twisting in pleasure. Your hips were starting to move faster on his tongue, desperate to release on his lips. Hearing your moans and whimpers was starting to really weigh down on him. He wanted so badly to take things slow, but when you're above him moaning his name, he really can't help himself.

You sucked in a breath when he stopped your hips from moving on his face and wrapped his arms around your legs with a strong grip. Your eyes nearly roll out of your skull with the way he starts eating you out like a starved man, savoring every bit of you. The sounds that filled the room relaying your moans and his noises over and over again made you wetter and wetter. His tongue was moving quickly, bringing you closer and closer to your orgasm.

"Fuck I'm so close," you whimpered, hands running through his hair.

He kept at it, tongue moving quickly and harshly against you. Renjun felt you beginning to shiver against his mouth, knowing you were about to cum. He stopped licking at you and sucked your clit hard, making you groan loudly. With a string of curses and his name falling from your mouth, you came hard on his tongue. But he didn't stop, licking up your cum making sure he didn't waste a drop.

At this point you were shuddering under his arms from the stimulation, hands tugging at his hair softly. Renjun wouldn't stop staring at you even when he released your legs from his grasp. He barely moved, but was breathing heavily just like you from the pure endorphins of seeing you cum.

Renjun stood up, taking his clothes off quickly, throwing his shirt into some corner of your room.

"Let me ride you," you said, still panting.

Renjun said nothing, just shook his head 'no' while undoing his belt. He took a condom out his pocket before letting his jeans and underwear hit the floor. "I'm taking care of you tonight."

There was no point in talking to him knowing how stubborn he was. Once he was set on something, it would take a war for him to change his mind. And even though it may be annoying, you missed it so much.

You watched him as he quickly slid the condom on, pushing his hair back. Renjun got in the bed next to you, pulling your body to him. Your back was pressed against his chest, his lips peppering soft kisses along your neck. You tilted your head giving him more skin to kiss, a small smile on your face that he couldn't see. His arms wrapped around you tight, hands moving to your chest like magnets. He kissed your skin, fondling your chest all at the same time of rubbing himself on your on your ass.

His breathing was ragged over your ears, teasing and pulling at your sensitive nipples. Your small moans made him harder and harder, and god, he just wanted to feel you in his hands for just one second. Hold you close to him and not let you go, no matter how-

"I wanna go raw tonight Junie," you said, almost in a whisper.

Renjun opened his eyes, brows furrowing at your sudden request. "Y/N..you know we can't."

"Just for tonight Junie," you pleaded softly. "Please..I need you."

Your words replayed in his head a million times. You needed him. You wanted him. All of him. And who was he to tell you no.

Without a word, Renjun pulled the condom off, dropping it on the floor behind him. "Lift your leg for me."

You did as you were told, moaning softly when you felt Renjun slowly enter you. His brow knit, one hand fondling your chest while the other held your leg. You gulped at the feeling of him stretching you. You missed this feeling, you missed being this close to him.

Renjun thrusted in you slowly, the breath from his nose tickling your ear and neck from behind. Your head lolled back, the feeling of his length rubbing against your walls almost sending you into a frenzy. It felt so good, almost too good. Your soft moans filled the room as he moved inside you, squeezing and pinching at your nipple through the fabric.

"Missed this so badly," he breathed in your ear. "Did you miss me too?"

"I missed you so much Junie," you moaned softly.

You could feel his heart beating through his chest in your back, pressing your body onto his even more. You placed your hand over his hand that's on your chest, interlocking fingers with him. You were always close to him but it didn’t feel like this. This felt more special, more romantic, more intimate.

His grip on your leg tightened more as he began to quicken his pace. His soft moans and pants were directly in your ear, the sound going right to your pussy. Renjun held your body so close to his wanting you to feel every single pant and moan and whine that left his body. But he needed to see you.

"Fuck, I cant do this," he mumbled, pulling out of you quickly.

"Wait, w-why? What hap-"

You were cut off quickly by the feeling in him pinning you to the bed and climbing on top of you. He quickly spread your legs apart again, plunging into you without a second thought. You let out a moan that was a bit louder due to the new angle.

"I need to see you" he breathed out. "I need to look at you."

Renjun took your hands clasping his with them, pinning them above your head beginning to thrust. You're breathy whimpers were like music to his ears. There was a faint blush on his face painting his cheeks and ears red. Even above you like this, he was the prettiest man you have ever seen. Renjun kissed you deeply, biting your lip softly as the sinful noises fell from your mouth.

"You're so pretty Y/N," he muttered. He thrusted into you deeper, his moans and groans muffled in your neck. Your grip on his hands begins to get tight every time he hits your spot.

"Right there Junie," you whimper softly.

"Right here?" He snaps his hips roughly, kissing your neck when you groan loudly.

"Fuck yes, right there." Renjun let go of your hands, letting you wrap your arms around his neck. You were so gone by the point, not caring about neighbors or anyone else. There was no one else on the planet besides you and Renjun, who you missed entirely too much. "I-I'm so close Junie."

"Me too Y/N." Renjun grabbed your hips, thrusting into you roughly as he felt himself getting closer and closer to his long awaited orgasm. Sweat was dripping off his face and into yours, but it's not like you noticed. This was the best you've felt in months, and nothing like a little sweat was going to make you shy away from him. You kissed him, tongue tangling with his in the exchange. Renjun kissed you back, nails beginning to dig into your skin.

"I love you so much Renjun," you mumbled on his lips. Your brows knit, jaw dropping as you felt your orgasm crash on your body like a wave, making your legs shake as you clenched around him tightly.

"Y/N.. fuck.." Reluctantly, right before he was about to cum inside of you, he pulled out, cumming on your stomach with a soft whimper.

There was nothing that could be heard in the room but heavy breathing and the sound of your bed creaking as Renjun plopped down next to you. Out of nowhere, he starts laughing. You turn to him,a blissful look of happiness on his face. "That was way too close."

"Yeah," you laughed, looking. Amc at your ceiling. "We cannot take that chance again. I thought you were gonna…"

"I almost did," he admitted. Renjun took your hand, kissing your ring finger. "I love you too."

"Hm?" You turned to him confused, not sure what he was talking about.

"You said I love you, so I said it back." You giggled, kissing his cheek softly, making him blush slightly. "I'm sorry I had to leave like that. I hope that the next time won't be so long."

"It's your job, so it doesn't matter that much to me. I'm just glad you come back to me every time you arrive," you say. You turn his head to look at your gently, kissing his lips softly as you brushed the hair stuck to his forehead away with your to her hand. "I'm tired, Junie."

"You can't sleep yet, you have to get cleaned up." He stood up, pulling you by your arm. Renjun laughed to himself watching you pout. He missed your pouting a lot. "I'll run a bath for you, okay?"

"You're not gonna get in with me?"

"If that's what you want, I will."

"Yayy!"

[alottodix]

if South Park was British (lmao) what would the main fours’ favourite insults be. I can so vividly imagine Kyle calling someone a pillock or a knobhead its so funny. I think Cartman

OHHHHH ANON HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU

Okay, so. First, Stan Marsh. He’d definitely be more fond of the blunt ones, the ones that are so simple they’re reflexive for most of the nation – tosser, prick, twat, all of those fun ones. HOWEVER, I also see him having an awesome time with “bloody hell” to portray how fucking fed up he is, like when he does the pinch bridge of nose + look down + very defeated “Jesus Christ” combo in the show. I ALSO IMAGINE HIM BEING SUPER FOND OF HOW BLUNT STUFF LIKE “sod off” IS TO TELL PEOPLE TO LIVE HIM ALONE OR EVEN JUST TO REACT TO DUMB SHIT LIKE THE LITTLE CYNIC HE IS

Now, onto Kyle. Every single time I see the Jersey episode, I mentally have to compare the reality TV show element to shit like Geordie Shore, so if it was a show based in the UK I can only imagine him being Geordie – proper Ant and Dec style. Americans, if you haven’t already, go listen to the accent and tell me it doesn’t have Kyle vibes – it just does. SO, WITH THIS IN MIND, I can totally imagine him whipping out gobshite as an insult, or what a load of bollocks in response to Cartman being an asshole, fun clipped shit like that. There was also a moment of time where I sat down and started plotting a Hogwarts AU, in which I realised I’d have to make these guys vaguely British, and I had such a strong mental image of Kyle jokingly calling Stan a daft git so I feel like he’d love the ones like that – and I agree with anon I think he’d have a lot of fun with knobhead

I feel Kenny would enjoy basically all of them, but for the sake of this dude being muffled as fuck I think he’d get a real kick out of the backwards peace sign – like whenever possible. Also “get stuffed”, for vibes. LISTEN I FEEL I SHOULD BE MORE SCIENTIFIC IN MY METHODS BUT LEAVE ME ALONE LMAO WE GO OFF VIBES HERE

Now, when I think of a British Cartman, I can only imagine a younger Del Boy from ‘Only Fools & Horses’. This is both a blessing and a curse. It’s the shared entrepreneurial spirit and lack of dignity I think. Also the fur coats. And con-artist swagger. And also how well Del Boy takes the piss out of Rodney – if you were to replace Rodney with Butters or Kenny in their search for wealth; this is such a niche reference but somebody reading this is gonna be so fucking happy with it. Because of this, I can only imagine him with the strongest cockney accent known to man, and so, a list of ones I feel he would use:

“Berk”

“Muppet”

“You jammy prick”

“Bleedin’ hell”

“You daft cow”

“Shut your cakehole”

“He’s a right tosser”

“You bleeding mug”

“Wazzock”

Also unrelated but with this guy being the gayest homophobe around, he’d totally be one of those guys to call everyone “babes” (the mental image is making me cackle, he fucking would don’t lie)

ANYWAY LMAO FEEL FREE TO DISCUSS, THANK YOU ANON – THIS WAS INCREDIBLY FUN TO DO, I APOLOGISE FHDKFN

[grimmcheems]

Bert & Pieck Half Sibling Au?!?!?!?👁

(Based off this post😭) thanks @deerish for the meal that fueled this.

So like……..haha I didn’t lie when I said this would be simmering in my mind for a while💀. Such an unintentionally wholesome concept stemmed from this idea oop. Nothing much but just Pieck being her silly self around Bert when they were younger and before baby Bert was sent off to his mission. ;( I built lore for this while I disassociated at work💪🏽

Pieck and Bert share the same father but his mother died during childbirth, hence him only having his grandfather as his only living relative (ik he doesn’t have a grandfather but let me live) Bert is actually a b*stard child and his father had a whole family with Pieck and her mother until she too died while Pieck was still young. Pieck is confirmed older than him, it’s never explicitly stated but I’d wager about three to four yrs since she’s closer to Zeke’s age anyways.

She’s never told about Bert or their blood ties but her father hinted at it a couple times before he died (unintentionally) and the rest of her family on her mother’s side knows about it so she basically grows up hearing whispers about him. She puts the pieces together after a while of meeting Bert and after they inherited their titans. I’d like to point out that Bertolt is completely oblivious to all this and her overly kind and interactive attitude towards him. It isn’t until later on that he realizes it and analyzes things his grandfather has told him.

However, they keep it under wraps and have a nonverbal agreement to not bring it up or mention it in the slightest. They never do acknowledge their ties and they never see each other again after Bert is sent away on the mission :(. Bert is a soft boy so his only regret before dying is never getting to fully confirm whether she was his actual sister and the fact that he still had some extended family as her besides his lone grandfather.

For the Armin bits: Armin is heavily conflicted with the memories and information of Bertolt actually having a living relative. He never tells anyone else though since he wants to honor Bertolt’s and Pieck’s wish to keep it a secret between themselves, he also doesn’t think it’ll buy Bertolt any sympathy since she is also a titan shifter. This is also slight Jearmin lmao. The only time he cuts close to revealing Bert’s secret is when he’s with Jean after having a nightmare and seeing a memory with Pieck.

As for Pieck…..she straight up wants revenge against Zeke and Eren for Bert’s death, given that Zeke failed to bring him back and Eren (and Mikasa, but she doesn’t know that) was a driving reason for Armin inheriting Bert’s titan. She wants to kidnap Armin maybe?? Probably and maybe torture him a bit, but she soon realizes Armin is innocent and was an (partially)unwilling participant in his death so she decides to leave him alone but he later seeks her out.

I’m probably gonna make more parts to this lmao, ik nobody is reading all this but it’s literally impossible for me to post anything without context🫠🥲

[weebsinstash]

Not gonna lie if I were the reader after they got replaced by YouTwo I would be a neurotic mess lmao. I already mental issues but I can't imagine going through their trauma on top of everything. I would definitely be scratching myself again out of sheer stress and anxiety about whether or not everybody will replace me again. My arms would look horrible. Oh boy imagine everybody's reaction to realizing they've messed up this badly and absolutely ruined the reader

Other people: fun ways we can write! Coffee shop au! Red string of fate! Hanahaki! Enemies to lovers!

me: what if I sat and tried to seriously and realistically contemplate the ramifications of a severely traumatic experience and the following neurotic habits that arise from the spiral down

Reader gets back to Spider Society, either glitching back in or "being rescued" whatever, and, you're just doing shit like digging food out of the trash "you'd never guess what kinds of perfectly good stuff people throw away, and it saves time to not have to wait for anything to be prepped! Never know when you'll vanish in the middle of a meal or that one serial killer will pop out at you again!! Ahaha!

Someone comes to check on you and you deadass have a fucking, tripwire web trap all around you, you're not even sleeping in a bed you're in your own webbing (because we rock organic webbing here because it fucks) so the second anything like, opens the door of your apartment or comes near you, you're instantly aware. Peter B comes in "heeeey, just wanna check in, make sure you're doing ok--" and there's fucking web wires rattling cans as he opens the front door and suddenly you're wide awake with an actual fucking knife or some kind of equally brutal survivalist weapon and it takes you a few seconds to fully snap out of it and let him calm you down and he has to tell Miguel You Are In Fact Not Doing Ok

You've got real "scaring all your loved ones and everyone around you" energy during those times you're just like going through some manic shit, opening your mouth and going on a sudden 'epiphany' like "i know what would help!! I'm gonna start cutting my face in really visible prominent places and that way you guys will know by the scar who I am :) and when it heals I'll cut myself again :) and again :) maybe I should just cut off a finger, how many of me do you think are missing fingers? Or maybe I could give myself a cool scar!!" And it's just like. What the fuck do they even say to that. A lot of them just genuinely could cry over this, seeing what this did to you. You sound genuinely cheerful at the realization and give no mind to how casually you just suggested self harm out of paranoia and self preservation.

You're just having like hard-core eating disorder issues going from overeating to undereating, binging because you're suffer9ng trauma from starving and then starving yourself "no its fasting, I'm FASTING to save food and money and resources, ok, I can only fit so much in my backpack and--"

You have this backpack from your multiversal glitching travels and keeping it with you basically 24/7 even when you go to the bathroom becomes a comfort habit, because, "never know when your camp has been found by the runners and you've gotta make a break for it" or some other cryptic memory you babble at them like you're discussing coffee when it could be one of the most vile horrifying things they've ever heard

I think the most interesting but tricky thing I've thought of is, what if Reader's trauma-humor coping mechanism gets dialed up to 11 and you can basically never turn it off because, your brain is protecting yourself. It's like you're Doing A Bit but literally all the time like some traumatized method actor and you're just, they're never sure if you're actually telling the truth or actually recounting things you experienced after a while

"Oh man the last time I ate a meal this big was when I finally stopped glitching and I had to break into someone's house and rob them for food! Just call me Santa Claus! But this Earth had suffered a nuclear fallout so all they had was like, DRY CRACKERS and, a lotta canned stuff, icky, and, I was in the middle of trying to pry a tin of lil cocktail weenies open with my teeth when the irradiated house centipedes smelled my blood, just imagine like a normal centipede but, like, the size of a Shetland pony, hey, friendship really IS magic right, and me and these centipedes got SO close, so anyways they smelled my blood, right, and it made them hungry, and--" and here you got like The Entire Squad speechless, Hobies just over here like "fuck, I don't even know what to say to that, you want some ketamine bruv" and yall just hit em with "nah last time I tried ketamine I had a fever dream of being replaced by an evil clone and I was shunned by all my close friends who i thought of like family. Oh wait, that was you guys! That's awkward!"

[trafalgarlawtism]

what pokemon do you think law or the other heart pirates would have?

i think ive seen someone give law alolan marrowak b4 which is cool but other then that idk what hed have. maybe sneasel?? no clue

excellent question, thank you so so much for the ask!!

those two are awesome choices, i can totally see them working out! they definitely have the vibes for sure

gonna keep alllll my rambling below the cut here because i love letting my autisms collide like this /silly (also because it is quite long, lmao) i definitely have thoughts... many thoughts...

whenever i think of pokemon teams for this au thing, i always try to keep regions and types in mind. with the main heart pirates, i usually lean towards picking ice types or other similar vibes that tie into the minion/swallow island area specifically (or just the north blue in general.) but law is an overall dark type trainer for sure.

umbreon has the vibes, and has the moves!!! mean look, last resort, moonlight, baton pass, guard swap, and more remind me of law. also him as a child with an eevee is cute to me, i won't lie...

i think law getting an absol while he's young would be especially fun... considering y'know... everything. (namely flevance. or even before meeting the donquixote family maybe?) the whole doom bringer/appearing before disasters... it works. i love this concept. also yayyy edgy pkmn, can't go wrong with that lmao

i think any healing, teleporting, or sword/blade themed pkmn are also worth considering. tons to choose from!!! i also think a whismur or mime jr passed down from corazon would be adorable, specifically for the soundproof ability. huge fan of this idea...

i wanna say bisharp is also an option, for sword reasons. but also because bisharp is my fave pkmn and law is my favorite op character, so... i'm very biased. i think swords dance + (night) slash would be good for moves. plenty of other fun ones too!

for penguin, there's definitely all the penguin pkmn to choose from (eiscue, delibird, the piplup line, iron bundle) gotta keep that theme LOL

this was a blast to write about!!! once again, thank you!!

maybe shachi with a wailmer...? cetoddle/cetitan would be super cool actually!!! i rly like that one, sticking with that for sure

i could see penguin and shachi with more water types as well! i would have to think on it more.

lots of options for bepo... not sure what to choose though. plenty of ice types could work, and i think fighting types would also suit him. galarian darumaka/darmanitan and crabominable perhaps...? could go with the bear pkmn too lolll

[beyourownanchor6]

20 questions for fic writers ✍️

Tagged by my dear @spotsandsocks 🩵

How many works do you have on ao3?

249!

What’s your total ao3 word count?

1,588,699 ummm guess i really never can stfu 😅

What fandoms do you write for?

mostly 9-1-1, but also teen wolf. debating another but we shall see..

Top five fics by kudos

if i lay here, would you lie with me (forget the world) (over 3k kudos 🥲)

nobody can do everything

i want to love you (but i don't know how)

five + one (istg i'm gonna come up with a title for this so i don't have to see this embarrassment of one anymore 💀)

if i asked you to stay, would you?

Do you respond to comments?

always! i appreciate people taking the time to leave them <3

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

—uhh either of these since they're both mcd ooop 🫣

dancing after death (you and i)

come back home (version 2)

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

—mm i'll go with chris doesn't come back au since it was full of angst and everyone suffered 😂

wake me up (i'm drowning)

Do you get hate on fics?

no just annoying/unnecessary comments sometimes 🙃

Do you write smut?

i may have written a few....

the slutty suit (i think this one's self explanatory 😏)

upstairs/downstairs (pwp on a rainy day in the fire station)

i'll let you fire my hose if you merry my christmas (author!buck writes pwp x amatuer model eddie for his book covers)

beautiful drama series (buddie meet on a dating app and start up fwb)

Craziest crossover:

uhh, well there's my step up au: let me lose myself

or there's my divergent au: crossfire

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i know of...

Have you ever had a fic translated?

i don't think so. someone asked once, but not sure what ever happened with that

Have you ever co-written a fic?

yep, with my wife @loserdiaz 🫶🏻 (i think i know what our next one shall be 👀)

—no body, no crime

—this is my idea of fun (playing video games)

—i don't want to keep secrets just to keep you

All time favorite ship?

buddie ofc 😌

What's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

—uhhh probably the buddie fwb buck 1.0.2 that i started, deleted, but still have the notes for....rawie look away

What are your writing strengths?

keeping them in character and metaphors, according to my lovely readers 🥰

What are your writing weaknesses?

keeping things short 😭 (idk i could make a whole list but don't feel like tearing myself apart atm lmao)

Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

—to each their own

First fandom you ever wrote in?

teen wolf!

Favorite fic you’ve written?

i hate picking between my children 😭

i'm gonna go with duck buck, just bc i've been thinking about her lately 🐥 (and i'm sure y'all are tired of hearing about my favorite one 😂)

the ducking of evan buckley

—so i definitely forgot this was in my drafts hfurnj. if you’ve already done this just ignore me <3 tagging: @loserdiaz @monsterrae1 @redlightsandicedtea @honestlydarkprincess @bi-buckrights @onward--upward @elvensorceress @daffi-990 @wikiangela @hippolotamus @wildlife4life @eddiebabygirldiaz @confetti-cupcake @queerdiaz @jackluvsdaniel @ronordmann @spaceprincessem @underwaterninja13

[nanami-is-nanamean]

for literal years (i have no sense of time, its honestly probably just half a year but i could be horrifically wrong—i blame covid for destroying it), i have had this... au. where i just. put nanami. in hsr.

like—instead of caelus or stella being the mc, nanami is and thats whats hes been doing all those years when he was away from sorcery. i do hc that he spent at least one year as a salaryman to get that signature "my soul has been sucked out by capitalism" look and "we should reform society to be better" mindset lmao

i imagine that like—the way it works is that everything happens roughly the same in the main story, its just the little minute differences that change kinda like how everyones playthru of hsr is slightly different because we chose diff dialogue options or whatever

so like—he goes thru belobog, goes thru the xianzhou, goes thru penacony, and then all the side quests, and thats when he decides to go back home (did i base it off my own hsr progress? haha... yeah. lmao)

i dont know who exactly he goes down back to earth with but i do have this one scene in my head where he meets up with himeko. and as much as i like the idea of him going down alone, i dont think the express is gonna let him lmao. best i can imagine is march and welt. welt because this is the most similar to his old home of hi3 (which i want to play so bad but alas i have a life), and march because she serves as a nice contrast to the low energies of nanami and welt AHAHA

i did consider benching her since shes been going to expeditions nonstop but like—the contrast gotta b there honey, thats what you call good writing and good character dynamic lmao. but yeah—he goes down, calls up gojo, and welt and march go off to fuck about.

i imagine that gojos fuckin stunned to see him after so many years because like—he was working a dead end job and then one day he fucking disappears. and it would scare gojo too since like, his entire thing is being able to see things, to percieve things, and as op as gojo is, im p sure he isnt able to see far enough to find nanami in the cold and dark depths of space. all he knows is—he was there, and then, his cursed energy disappears like a candle that went out. all he can assume is that he died or some curse users got to him. but if he died, a sorcerer of his caliber would produce a CRAZY curse spirit. and if curse users got to him, there would be some sort of trace or destruction left behind as a trail because nanami wont go that easy and if he did turn into a curse user, he would be able to pick up the curse energy residue.

so now here he is, back infront of him like some kind of disappearing act AND with some strange and crazy energy inside him. like a fucked up star or black hole or something. somethings obviously happened to him, and if the weird disappearance and reappearance or the weird-ass thing inside him didnt clue him in—he would rip out his own eyes. and he KNOWS that is this nanami because the Six Eyes never lie. (hehe kenjaku prison realm moment)

so now hes tasked with figuring out what the fuck happened to nanami and what the fuck that pulsing thing inside him is—but hes conflicted about it because jesus christ, it was just him and ieiri for so long and theyre both so desperate and so happy to see an old friend again and—and they don't know if they can disregard whatever the fuck happened to him and if hes a threat, because god they missed him so much (hehe geto moment)

MEANWHILE march and welt are snooping around and they find a curse, which they easily defeat obviously and welt has... a WEIRD feeling about these "curses". like hes experienced facing this kind of energy before... so they go curse hunting a little bit more and holy shit. thats when welt realizes.

the reason why the curses and curse energy is so familiar is because he REALLY DID face this sort of energy before—and he faced that energy in the form of rAIDEN MEI WHEN SHE WAS WAVING AROUND HER NIHILITY ABILITIES. so now the express HAS to start meddling because the fucking NIHILITY is HERE and this world has been drowning in the powers of the nihility for actual fucking CENTURIES and at this point, and its going to be too goddamn predictable if theres a fucking stellaron causing it. (there isnt but theyre so used to it at this point lmao)

so yeah! thats my setup for an hsr x jjk crossover lmao

oh yeah its totes nanago AHAHHAHAHA—its implied but idk if it got thru KJHDFJLGkHSLK

[hairstevington]

Stranger Therapy - part 2!

Eddie Munson x Steve Harrington

Summary: Based on this text post, Steve and Eddie match on Tinder and decide to go to couple's counseling on a first date to see how long it takes the therapist (Murray) to figure them out. Chapter 1, Link to Ao3

Word Count: 3k again!

Warnings: This one has a moment of actual therapy lmao, nothing TOO serious but Eddie has low self-esteem and Steve is closed off, modern day AU, aged up, brief Robin cameo, Matchmaker Murray.

A/N: OMG I was NOT expecting such a big reaction to part 1!! Here is the much requested part two, and I plan to continue for probably another two or three chapters. Thanks to all who have read so far!! PS I really did look into the counselor code of ethics for this one lmao

“So, how’d it go?” Robin asked once Steve got home. 

He had no idea how to answer that question. 

“It was…” He wandered to the fridge to grab a drink, wondering how much of the experience he should share with Robin. Generally, they told each other everything, but wasn’t therapy usually a private thing? So it wouldn’t be too terribly weird to not tell her, right? “Did you know he went to Hawkins High with us?”

“He did?” she asked, just as confused as Steve had been. “Like, at the same time we were there?”

“Yup. Eddie Munson ring a bell?” Robin thought about the name for a second before her eyes widened. 

“Oh my god! Yes I remember him!” She laughed, then continued once she’d settled down. “Okay, yeah. He’s definitely the kind of person who would want to do the first date fake couple’s counseling thing. He was always a little…outside of the box.”

“Come on,” Steve replied. “You say the meanest shit to me, and the best you can come up with for Eddie is that he’s ‘outside of the box?’ Robin, he’s never even seen the box.” She laughed again.

“Okay, sure,” she agreed. “I’m guessing it didn’t turn out to be a good match?”

Steve hesitated again, because no, that wasn’t it. He wasn’t sure if they were a good match, honestly. He ran through the events of the day in his head, then realized just how batshit insane it all was. And Steve had agreed to it. 

And he didn’t even regret it. 

He imagined telling Robin, and her relentlessly teasing him about it like she always did. This would give her enough ammunition to last a lifetime. It probably would be even worse than the fateful day at the mall when Steve had accidentally ripped his pants while attempting to hit on a girl. Robin had a front row seat for that one, and she still brought it up. 

Steve agreeing to go to therapy with an actual stranger, pretending to date said stranger, and working on actual personal issues together? Yeah, no. Steve was gonna take this shit to the grave.

Except, he wouldn’t, would he? Because he had an accomplice. They also weren’t strangers, not really, but they were still acquaintances, at best. An acquaintance that Steve had intermittently thought about kissing ever since Eddie mentioned it with Dr. Bauman. 

Ohhh, this is bad I think.

“Earth to Steve,” Robin said, interrupting his thought spiral. “Are you going to see him again or not?”

“We’re gonna get coffee next week,” Steve lied. He never lied to Robin, and he felt immediately horrible about it, but he couldn’t tell her, right? 

He almost broke and told her the honest truth, because sitting with the lie was so uncomfortable. Instead, he told himself that if he actually got coffee with Eddie next week, then he wouldn’t be lying. Loophole!

“Oh,” she said, surprised. “I really didn’t expect anything to come from this.”

“Yeah, well he’s -” Steve tried to think of what exactly it was about Eddie that was so enticing. He was hot, obviously. Charismatic. He was able to take Steve off guard, and they rolled with each other’s bullshit pretty smoothly. It was strange how connected he felt to Eddie in the session. Like they really were in tune with each other. Like they were an actual couple. “He’s cool. We had fun.”

“I know you’re not telling me something,” Robin said, eyeing him suspiciously. “But I guess it’s not my business. Plus, confidentiality and all that.”

Unlike Steve, Robin had been to therapy before. She had always told Steve he should go, too, but he never had. 

Until now, of course. But first, he had to cover his bases. 

-

Steve: Do you wanna get coffee before our appointment?

Eddie: Sure, gives us a chance to get our stories straight

Eddie: Hold on let me make the joke before you do

Steve: ?

Eddie: About our stories being gay and not straight!!

Steve: I wasn’t gonna make that lame-ass joke

Eddie: Sure you weren’t

Steve: And if I was, my delivery would have been way better

Eddie: oh shit

Eddie: Steve’s biting back today ;)

Steve: Well I gotta keep up with you, don’t I?

Eddie: Mmm i see how it is. Noon work for coffee?

Steve: I’ll be there

-

Eddie had recently been told by a close friend that he needed to get his shit together. The couple’s counseling wasn’t a whole master plan on Eddie’s part - he really did think it sounded fun, and it was - but the thought of talking out some of his issues was appealing, and he couldn’t stop thinking about it. 

This close friend of Eddie’s - the one who suggested Eddie had an attitude problem and low self-esteem - had mentioned Dr. Bauman a few times in the past. He apparently worked wonders on couples, even the ones who argued all the time. His success rate was remarkable. 

Thinking back on it, maybe Eddie did kind of want to do couple’s counseling with Steve and Dr. Bauman for a reason. 

Like, come on. There was a spark there, right? There was something, at least. Who else would have gone along with Eddie’s crazy this much? Steve understood Eddie, and while he kept calling this whole thing ‘insane,’ it didn’t stop him from agreeing to it. Because there was something there between them. 

But mainly, Eddie just wanted to see a therapist, he didn’t really want to do it alone, and for whatever reason Steve seemed like the right person to be there. 

Okay, yeah. Steve’s right. This is insane. 

-

The cafe down the street from Murray’s office was small and cozy, and had fancy syrups for the coffee that Steve secretly loved. He came here sometimes, under the guise that he was getting a strawberries and cream oat milk latte for Robin, even though literally none of the workers cared. 

“Your usual?” the barista asked when Steve and Eddie got in line. Steve tried not to notice Eddie’s amused expression and the way his eyebrows were raised expectantly, desperate to know what Steve ordered so often the workers had it memorized. 

“Uhhhh…” Steve wasn’t sure why he was blushing. He never cared much about being seen as masculine, and he was literally going to therapy with this guy, so things were about to get a lot more embarrassing than a coffee order. He looked at Eddie. “Don’t judge me, it’s delicious.” Eddie laughed. 

“I don’t give a shit,” he said. “Whatever it is, own it.” Steve turned to the barista.

“Yes, the usual,” he told her. 

“I’ll get the same thing,” Eddie chimed in. Steve felt a flutter of something in his chest, somewhere between anxiety and flattery. 

They got their drinks and sat down. Steve took a sip and tried not to show on his face how happy this stupid beverage made him. It was a simple joy, you know?

“Okay, so you wanted to come up with some kind of game plan, right?” Steve asked as he waited for the caffeine to hit. 

“Yeah, I mean -” Eddie shifted in his seat uncomfortably. What the hell is he nervous about, Steve wondered. “If Murray figures us out now, he’ll drop us. So we have to be a bit more convincing.”

“How are we supposed to be more convincing? Do you want us to start making out on the couch or something?” Steve suggested it as if he wouldn’t be extremely happy to do so. 

“If it comes down to it,” Eddie teased back. Steve blushed once again. He was so much better at flirting than he was being flirted with. “My favorite color is black or red, depending on the day. I still mostly eat canned foods and TV dinners because I never figured out the whole meal prep thing, but it works out fine because my favorite food is mac and cheese. I play a lot of video games and I have a Dungeons and Dragons group. I’m kind of amazing at the guitar -”

“What are you doing?” Steve asked, not getting it. Eddie sighed.

“I’m telling you about myself, what do you think I’m doing?” He shook his head and chuckled. “So you have context, or whatever. So we’re not just making shit up.”

“Oh, okay,” Steve responded. “What about your family?”

“Yeah, we’re not gonna touch that subject with a ten foot pole,” Eddie muttered. “Your turn.”

“Fair enough. Okay, well my favorite color is blue, I guess. I live with my best friend Robin. I…I’m not really good at this.” Steve took another sip of his drink and wondered why he couldn’t come up with more facts about himself. 

“College?” Eddie asked. Steve shook his head. “Me neither. Do you like music?”

“Yeah,” Steve answered. “I took piano lessons for a while and then I taught myself the rest.”

“Impressive,” Eddie noted. “Do we ever play music together?”

“I guess we could,” Steve said with a shrug. It was fun, coming up with a backstory like that. “Aren’t you going to drink your coffee?”

“Oh Jesus, no. It’s got way too much sugar for my taste.”

“Then why did you get one?” Eddie smiled.

“Because now -” Eddie slid his cup across the table until it was directly next to Steve’s. “-you have one for later.” Steve stared down at both cups, perplexed. 

“That is…like, incredibly sweet,” he said.

“Just like that abomination you call coffee,” Eddie replied.

-

After intake, Dr. Murray Bauman examined the counseling code of ethics, and unsurprisingly there was nothing in there saying it was unethical to continue treating a couple who were lying about being a couple. He didn’t have proof they were pretending, of course, but clients lied to therapists all the time. If they showed up for their appointment, Murray was going to counsel them. That was his job. Truly, it would have been unethical not to work with them. 

They did show up, and they were right on time. Immediately, Murray noticed something was different. They were more comfortable with each other, and Steve in particular looked much less terrified. 

“So,” Murray began, “tell me how your week has been.”

“It’s been good,” Eddie answered. “You really helped us out a lot.”

For a fleeting moment, Murray believed him. He thought that maybe his instinct had been wrong, and they actually were a couple, and they’d somehow managed to get over Steve’s affair in a matter of forty minutes. 

But it was only a moment. Murray was a great counselor, but nobody was that good. His suspicions were confirmed when Steve opened his mouth. 

“We actually think our relationship is solid, and we kinda just want to focus on our own individual issues,” he said. 

It was far too polished of a statement for it to have not been planned. Which meant one thing - Steve and Eddie were just looking for individual therapy, and were going at the same time for…emotional support? Cost-effectiveness? 

Murray nodded. This was all a first for him, and he loved uncharted waters. 

“Okay, what would you like to focus on first?” he asked. 

“I’ll go,” Eddie offered. “So, I have this friend that says I have self-esteem issues, but it doesn’t really make sense to me because I feel like I’m pretty confident. Like, I haven’t really mastered how to be a grown-up or anything, and I’m kind of a mess sometimes, but it’s all part of my charm, you know? I’ve always been a little crazy, but I also think I’m awesome, so…” 

“If you think you’re awesome, why does someone else’s opinion matter?” Murray asked. 

“I dunno, aren’t you the one who has the answers?” Eddie asked. “Just skip to the part where you tell me what’s wrong with me.”

“Well, that’s not usually how this works,” Murray began, “but I think I do see what’s going on.”

“Enlighten me,” Eddie said. 

“You just said you were confident but called yourself a mess and a little crazy in the same breath,” Murray replied. “You can exude confidence all you want, but it doesn’t mean you actually believe those things about yourself. Steve, what do you think about this?”

“Uhhh -” Steve looked absolutely unequipped to answer the proposed question. “I think Eddie knows how hot and charming he is, actually. I don’t think it’s bullshit.”

“I didn’t say it was bullshit,” Murray countered, noticing that this time Eddie was the one to blush. “But there is a difference between ego and self-esteem. It’s not just about confidence, it’s about self-respect and worth. Eddie, do you feel valuable?”

“Like, in this relationship?” Eddie asked. 

“No, in this world.” 

This question stopped Eddie dead in his tracks. His face went pale, and he became visibly nervous at the prospect of being so vulnerable. 

“Fuck,” Eddie said at last. “I mean, uh - not really, but it's not personal, I don't think. Just feels like we're all specks of dust on a rock, you know?"

There was another shift in the room, but Murray couldn’t pinpoint exactly what. 

“Can you tell me a bit about how you grew up?” he wondered. Family history was a standard line of questioning in these early sessions. Eddie froze.

“Actually, I really wanna focus on my thing now, if that’s okay,” Steve interrupted. Eddie seemed relieved to pass the torch, so Murray went with it. 

“Of course. What’s going on with you, Steve?”

“Uhh, well, I - um -” he sputtered, his leg bouncing rapidly. “I keep having this nightmare - like, every night - where there’s a monster in my closet. What do you think that means?”

“Well,” Murray said, leaning back in his chair. “Dream psychology isn’t really my specialty -”

“Okay, but I reeeeally wanna talk about it,” Steve persisted. "Like, is the monster a metaphor about my sexuality or is it supposed to be my dad? Help me out here."

While Steve babbled about his obviously made up dream, Murray caught Eddie staring at the man beside him. There was a completely unmistakable twinkle in Eddie's eye that told Murray everything he needed to know. Whether these boys knew it or not, they cared about each other. 

“As you wish,” Murray conceded. They used the rest of their time focusing on much less heavy subjects, and it was pretty clear that was intentional. He understood, though, that it was important not to take these things too fast. Before long, the color returned to Eddie’s face, and the boys were riffing off each other again flawlessly. 

This was getting more and more interesting by the minute. 

-

“Things were intense for a bit in there,” Eddie said as they walked back to the parking lot.

“Yeah,” Steve agreed. “You okay?”

“M’good,” Eddie replied. “Your dream thing. Was that real?”

“Uh, no. I just thought you needed a break.”

“Oh,” he said. “Normally I’d give you a spirited monologue about how you don’t know me and therefore shouldn’t make my decisions for me.”

“What are you gonna say instead?” Steve asked. 

“Well, considering you’re technically paying for this, I don’t really have a leg to stand on,” Eddie chuckled. “And also, as weird as this whole thing is, I’m glad you were in there with me.” He tried to play it off as a lot more casual of a statement than it was. 

Being in therapy together and actually taking it seriously was an incredibly intimate thing. Steve wasn’t sure he could actually be as open as Eddie had been. 

“I think we’re skipping a whole lot of steps, here,” Steve said, attempting to return Eddie’s light tone. 

“Yeah, well I’ve always hated steps,” Eddie replied. “I tend to trip over ‘em.” 

“Right.” Steve chuckled. “So…same time next week?” Eddie flashed a genuine smile and nodded. 

“Yeah,” he agreed. “Oh, but next time - you’re in the hot seat. No fake dreams, I’m talking real shit, okay?”

“Oh, you’re making demands, now?” Steve asked, amused. “What happened to you not having a leg to stand on?”

“Huh,” Eddie responded, pondering this for a moment. He shrugged. “I guess I can fly.” 

Steve had no intention of actually diving into real shit, especially after he’d seen the way Murray dug into Eddie during the session. Steve wasn’t ready to confront anything. He refused to admit there was anything to confront in the first place. But he would go - of course he’d go, because something deep within him told him he’d regret it if he didn’t.

Steve and Eddie weren’t a couple. They weren’t strangers. They weren’t friends. But damn, they were something.

(next chapter)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

@escapingthereality @imfinereallyy @raisedbylibrarians @samthemissfit @chaoticvictorianspirit @elizbaehth @despoenaandpyromania @cr0w-culture @bagofgreentea @f1ct1onwh0re @novelnovella @thing-a-ling @bisexualdisastersworld @practicallybegging @soldiers00 @beckkthewreck @fandomz-brainrot @shrimply-a-menace @justanothergirlwithobsessions @freshflowers-and-dryingherbs

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[slashthrashandcrash]

WAit, did you ever say what your GhostPig AU was? Because I'm starving for it

No I didn't I forgot to elaborate lmao

No fog AU, smushing up the timeline so that Danny and Amanda are both active at the same time. Danny taking up a new alias to be a fake crime journalist again only to find out Jigsaw has apparently made this city their own hunting grounds first, which intrigues him. He loves legends after all, would love to meet them...and perhaps overthrow them to become the newest boogeyman.

Something something a lot of cat and mouse between Amanda and Danny with the roles constantly reversing. She's keeping an eye on the suspicious journalist who's getting too close, he's already caught wind of being tailed. She figures out his dirty secret, just as he knows hers and Kramer's. She thinks Ghostface should be tested (and ultimately killed by one of her rigged traps), but John thinks Danny should have the chance to prove himself as they have pretty similar ideology if you think about it. Danny just likes to stir shit.

Basically it boils down to Amanda being protective of John and wanting Ghostface deepfried in acid, because at best he would get them all arrested and at worst he would be too eager to kill Jigsaw (she assumes). Doesn't help that she's jealous as hell, with John seeing potential in Danny as he did with Hoffman. And Danny just loves to torment her, it's so easy to wind her up, but he won't lie and say it's not a bit personal from time to time those moments she gets the upperhand. After all, she's gotten the jump on plenty of bigger bastards before - she and Ghostface are pretty evenly matched.

Extremely toxic and codependent hatefucking galore. It's gonna end with one of 'em dead with a 86% chance it was by the other's hand.

[gimmethosedaddymilkers]

Self-Loathing and other wrong doings

Okay! This was requested by an Anon, and it is a modern twist on things with a chubby reader. Arthur's gonna help the reader with those nasty thoughts of hers, and he's gonna make things all better, as he typically does.

I'll have this linked on my modern masterlist once I'm done! and I hope you guys can enjoy this!

You'll have to excuse me, I have to find out where I put my tags list before I can actually tag y'all- just be patient with me if you can! I'll get back into the swing of it!

(Here's one of my Arthur Images from one of my playthroughs lmao)

Warnings: Smut, so 18+, self hate and similar themes, meaning negative thoughts, chubby reader, and female reader, modern AU. Fuck it I'm making arthur chubby too cause I can. I think that should be all!

let's get started!

You stare yourself down in the mirror, your hands placed against your stomach, looking at the way it pudged out, pushed out further than the rest of your body.

It wasn't flat, like it should have been. Perhaps if it was you'd hate yourself less. You had nice hips, and your upper half wasn't bad, but that stomach. It's what makes you upset. What makes you wonder why your amazing boyfriend was even with you in the first place.

Every time you saw yourself in the mirror you couldn't ever manage to feel anything but distain for yourself. You always felt so massive.

You had no idea how Arthur could stand to look at you.

You'd planned on taking a shower, that's why you were in here in the first place, but you no longer had an interest in doing so. Your mind felt dark, your head heavy. You just felt...wrong. Uncomfortable in your own skin.

You quietly redress yourself and then leave the bathroom, shutting off the light and pulling the door shut as you head into the hallway of your home.

You make a beeline for your bedroom, thankful that your breakdown has come on a day off, rather than when you'd been at work.

Crawling into the bed feels better than standing, you pull the covers up to your chin, and lie on your side, curled into yourself, as the tears begin to fall.

Your head screams obscenities at you, talking poorly about yourself to you.

Calling you names that you'd already heard throughout your entire life.

"Fatass."

"Ugly"

"Lard on legs"

You weren't the ideal girl, not to anyone. Not even to yourself. Maybe Arthur was gonna text you one of these days and tell you how disgusting you were, and finally leave you, like you deserved.

The tears get heavier, falling down your face faster as the thought enters your mind.

Arthur was your everything, he meant the world to you. If he left you, what would become of you? You'd spiral without him. You know you would. Hell you were spiraling now, and he hadn't even said anything to you.

You're in the middle of wiping the tears on your face when your phone rings, vibrating on the mattress beside you. As if he knew you were thinking about him, his name flashes on the screen, Arthur, with a little heart next to it.

You sniffle and hope you won't sound too bad when you answer, and pick up the phone, turning on speaker phone.

"Hey darlin'! I jus' got outta work, I'm headed your way, figured since you were off I'd just swing by and stay the night with ya, so long as you don't mind."

"That's fine, Love." You answer, swallowing at the thought of him joining you. You'd have to pull yourself together.

"You alright? You sound like you've been cryin' Princess..."

"'M fine Art, just...thinkin'."

"Well, I'll be there in....fifteen minutes at the most, and we'll talk about whatever's botherin' you, I can't have ya cryin' on me now."

He chuckles, and it warms your chest, even over the phone he eases your senses, what would you do when he finally opened his eyes and realized what you looked like?

"Okay, I'll see you then Art."

"I love ya Sweetheart."

"I love you too."

He seems hesitant to hang up, but after a moment he does and leaves you in silence once again.

Your tears continue to come, no matter how much you try to get them to stop, they just keep coming.

Before you realize it, you hear the door open and the sound of Arthur's footsteps as he makes his way down the hall to your room.

He stands in the doorway, and looks at you, and when you turn your head to look at him the look on his face only makes your heart pang worse.

"Oh...Darlin' what are you cryin' for? What's goin' on?"

He wastes no time moving to the bed, kicking off his work boots before he climbs in and cradles you into his chest, and you expected it to comfort you, which, it did, however, you didn't expect to start crying harder.

"Hey now..."

He hushes you and you feel his hand come to your hair, gently petting your head, trying to make you feel more comfortable.

"Talk to me Princess...what's goin' on?"

You swallow and look up at him as your tears fall down your face.

"How can you love someone like me Arthur? Someone who looks like me, who...who's disgusting?"

Arthur looks back at you with a facial expression that you can only describe as...offended.

"The hell are you talkin' about woman?"

"How can you love me, when I look like this?"

"Y/N, what on earth do you mean?"

You huff and stand, grabbing his wrist and pulling him out of the bed. You drag him down the hall and into the bathroom. You flip the light switch on and look directly into the mirror.

"Look at me."

You mumble.

"Look at the way I'm shaped, the way my body looks. I'm not skinny, I'm not flat. I'm uneven, lumpy...disgusting. Why are you still here? Why haven't you left me and found someone who deserves you? Why are you still with me, when I'm nothing?"

Arthur's brow furrows and a frown covers his face as he looks in the mirror at your form. He turns and grabs your shoulders, forcing you too look at him.

"Y/N, what the fuck did you just say to me?"

"Why are you still here?"

"Because I wanna be! Cause I love ya damnit! I never wanna hear you talk about yourself like that ever again. Never."

"I'm telling the truth!"

"The hell if you are."

His expression goes soft and he cups your face in his large palm.

"Y/N, you're absolutely beautiful. Gorgeous, a god damn treasure for me to behold everytime I see ya...I don't give a damn about the TV shows and the movies, or the magazines, flat stomachs ain't all that. I couldn't give two shits about whether or not someone has a flat stomach. In fact I PREFER, that you're bigger."

You look to the ground, avoiding his gaze.

"Darlin' look at me, I'm not small neither, ain't fit, I got a gut on me myself, but you're still around, why would I be any different?"

He was right. He's a large man, wide shouldered, barrel chested, and a bit of the stomach that hangs over his belt, but it suited him. Fit him well. He was strong too, as much as he would deny it, he was. His biceps were about the size of your head.

"Because...you look...normal."

You mumble.

"You look good, it fits good, you're big and strong, and I'm...just big. Fat, and flabby."

"No. Don't you dare call yourself fat."

You frown as you look at him, and then he slides his arms around your waist, turns you towards the mirror and stands behind you.

"I want you to see what I see in this mirror."

He pauses.

"I see my beautiful girlfriend, who, even with tears in her eyes manages to blow me away. She's soft, and welcoming, and absolutely adorable, I ain't never once looked at her and thought she was ugly, or unlovable, in fact the first time I laid eyes on her I felt like I was in love."

You swallow, looking at his face in the reflection.

"I see my girlfriend, who's got the sexiest hips I've ever seen anywhere. I see my beautiful woman, who's the sweetest, kindest, and most lovely person I've ever come across."

"I see the person I love, and the person I want to come home to everyday. The woman I'm HOPING, to marry someday, hoping to spend the rest of my life with, if she lets me."

You stay silent and tears seem to only get worse.

"Darlin' I love you. With all my heart."

He states, his voice quiet in your ear.

"I love how you look, how you sound, who ya are, everythin' about you makes me happy. I like that you're a bigger girl. I don't want you to be skinny. There's more for me to hold the way you are now, and I ain't gotta be gentle with you, I don't have to worry I'm gonna hurt you."

He leans in and kisses your shoulder, then your neck.

"Ain't never once cared about you bein' skinny, and I don't want you to be. I kiss that stomach o' yours everytime we're intimate. You know that. I love it, and I love you."

"I just...Arthur I...I hate me. I hate the way I look, I hate-"

"Darlin' you're breakin' my heart."

You turn and face him, looking up at him.

His eyes seem tired, almost broken as he looks back at you, sad.

"I love you."

He murmurs, bringing a hand to your chin to tilt your head up.

"I ain't goin' nowhere, even if you think I should, I ain't. I'm stickin' by you. What kinda man would I be if I let the best woman I've ever met slip outta my fingers?"

You simply hug him tightly, feeling his arms wrap around you as your head hits his chest.

"I love you Princess."

"I love you Arthur."

He sighs and rests his chin on your head.

"What started all this anyhow?"

"I wanted to take a shower and...I...you know I saw myself naked."

"Sweetheart, I promise you, seein' you naked is my favorite part of anyday if I'm given the chance to see it."

You can't help but laugh a little, and wipe your eyes.

"You still need a shower?"

You give a nod.

"I'll join you, if you want. I need one myself, covered in oil and grease, and god knows what else."

"Will you please? I think I'll feel better with you there. I won't focus on how I look so much."

"Anythin' for ya Princess." He kisses your forehead, pushing some of your hair out of the way. "Stay here, I'll go back to your room and get you some pj's. You finally got all my stuff put into whatever drawer it is you wanted it in right?"

"Yeah, left side, the top two drawers."

"Alright, I'll grab our clothes and I'll be right back. Why don't you start the shower and grab the towels for us, okay?"

He leaves and heads back to your room, and you feel a bit better, more hopeful. Your chest is lighter, so is your head, and you even smile as you turn the shower on.

He was a wonderful man. He deserved the world, and you'd gladly give it to him, given the chance.

You find two towels easily and place them on the counter before you strip down and get into the shower, pulling the curtain shut.

The water is hot, but not hot enough to burn, and you again smile as the water hits your skin.

You hear the sound of the door opening and Arthur drops off the clothes on the counter. You listen as he shimmies out of his clothes and then you hear the curtain open from the other end.

He comes up behind you, wrapping his arms around your waist, pressing his body to yours, offering a kiss to your bare shoulder.

"See...this ain't so bad."

"It's not bad when you're here."

He chuckles and it rumbles through you, just as it rumbles through him.

"You are beautiful, inside and out."

He whispers, kissing your cheek.

"I'm gonna have you admitting it, I will. I ain't gonna let you sit here and hate yourself. I can't do that."

"Good luck on that Hon."

"I will get you to say it."

He states, this time it's firm, less playful.

"I ain't gonna let you sit here and say all these awful things about yourself anymore."

He kisses your neck again, this time there's a difference in the way his lips feel against your skin.

It's more...possessive, marking.

"Arthur..."

"If ya won't believe my words maybe I can prove it to ya...if you're alright with that..."

You think for a moment, but it doesn't take long for you to decide.

You nod, and twist your head to kiss him on the cheek.

"You sure?"

You nod again.

"Yes Arthur. I'm sure. I want this."

He nods and again kisses your neck, again it's bruising, you know the skin there will be a purple hue.

His hands travel over the skin of your stomach, gentle, loving. His thumbs move back and forth against the skin there, hoping to reassure you.

His hands travel lower, caressing your thighs as he kisses your shoulders, mumbling under his breath about how much he loves you.

His right hand finds it's way towards your heat, he's gentle, two fingers slipping past your folds as he murmurs in your ear.

Your heart speeds as you feel the familiar stretch of his fingers.

"Arthur..."

"You deserve to feel good Princess..."

He kisses your cheek again, fingers curling within you. You feel his hardness against your rear, it's obvious it doesn't take much when he's with you.

The showerhead rains down on the two of you, adding to the sensation.

Arthur's fingers never stop moving, moving gently, slowly. He's in no rush. In fact he's doing his utmost to take all the time in the world with you.

He rocks his hips against you, just barely. Trying to help himself as he helps you.

It's sweet, in a way.

It's a long while before his hand even dares reach for your clit, and when it does, he seems to know exactly what to do, exactly how fast or slow to move, what direction to move.

He's been with you long enough to know.

That too is sweet.

You can't help but mumble his name over and over again as he continues with his way, a smile on his face as he moves his hips against you, his hand in tandem.

It feels like forever passes before you finally come upon your climax, quietly moaning out his name as you lean your head back against his shoulder.

It's slow, but it's just as good as it would have been otherwise.

He never stops kissing you, or telling you how he loves you.

He's more than what you could have asked for,

[andorerso]

Speaking of marriage of convenience, rebel captain featuring Dedra and Krennic married to each other and Krennic is Jyn's guardian who believes that a marriage of convenience is good for her just like his marriage to Dedra.

oh yessss! I love a good Imperial!Jyn AU. and I suppose Cassian is of course undercover (and Dedra knows nothing about him in this AU because that wouldn't work lmao), but the question is, does Jyn know who he really is? it'd be fun if they kind of teamed up and she helped him complete his mission and they sort of fell in love along the way, but there's also a great potential in the inevitable betrayal when Jyn finds out the man she's been married to and possibility even falling in love with doesn't even exist. isn't even using his real name. like... I think Jyn hates the Empire obviously so she doesn't resent him being a rebel, but she does resent the betrayal to her and is obviously questioning if any of their relationship was real, if he's a completely different person than what he showed her, if he would just as easily kill her as he'd kill Krennic? and on Cassian's side, of course he couldn't tell her who he really is at first when he barely knows her and definitely doesn't trust her, and once they slowly grow closer, he feels it's almost too late? now too much time has passed for him to be honest. he can't compromise his mission, he doesn't really want to put her at risk, and he knows she'd only hate him for lying to her all along so what is he meant to do? GREAT angst potential, 10/10

(something something Cassian's cover is burned and despite the pain and betrayal Jyn can't possibly leave him to rot especially when she knows there's something big going on with her father so she helps him and they escape together and now they're both in deep with this mission and forced to work together to finish what they started and things are still so precarious between them but dammit they're gonna be professionals and then maybe along the way Jyn begins to see Cassian's side and realizes that what he showed of himself and the things she started to love about him are real and not everything was a lie not about their relationship and she learns to forgive him and they live happily ever after <3)

[chloeangelic]

Line cook Joel origin story drabble

Here’s what I think line cook Joel’s origin story is, some info about him and Sarah, his general personality and interests, relationship history etc that might explain what he’s like in my series Belong to me

This is my most self indulgent series and Joel iteration, be warned lmao

Warnings: SPOILERS for ch 1-3, mentions of child abandonment

Word count: 1.2k

Joel is 40 in this AU, and I feel like it takes place in 2005ish, which doesn’t really come through in the chapters but it’s how I see the whole situation in my head.

Joel had Sarah at 24, with a sort of low commitment on and off girlfriend at the time who was somewhere in the 22-24 range. I’m not sure why she decided to go through with the pregnancy (pressure from her parents, maybe?) but she did, and Joel figured he would be involved as a typical baby daddy, having the kid live with their mom and seeing them as often as possible. However, her mom likely decided she was gonna put Sarah up for adoption, which was obviously an immediate fuck no from Joel, who basically swooped in and got custody of her. The mom moved to another city, and I don’t think Sarah or Joel ever heard from her again. 

Out of all my fics, this is the one in which Sarah’s mom has been involved the least. In my other tales (Joel is always a dad in my works haha), her mom usually is mentioned to have been involved for 1-5 years, but in this one she was not involved at all, and I think Joel’s sole responsibility for her from such a young age has made their bond very strong. I definitely see them being best friends and having a very good line of communication. 

He worked in construction for many years until his early 30s (hence why he still has a truck instead of a regular car), then when he’d gotten to a pretty high level with cooking at home, Sarah pushed him to apply for a cooking job. He was tired of the long hours working in construction and thought it would be a nice change to have some free time. He’s pretty grumpy at work because he prefers working individually and doesn’t care to get involved in anyone’s disputes in a high pressure environment like that, doesn’t like to excessively share about his life etc. He’s very observant and definitely cares about the people around him, but he likes being left alone to do his work efficiently so he doesn't have to get stressed or fall behind.

Speaking of work; Jermaine, who they stole cigs from and is also a cook at the restaurant, is one of his closest friends, and they like to hang out from time to time. If Sarah is out doing things on the weekend or at a sleepover, I can see Joel and Jermaine playing GTA San Andreas and eating at his house, maybe he also plays on his basketball team. Jermaine is like 37 or something and more outgoing than Joel. He's definitely around if Sarah needs something and Joel isn't available, sort of like an uncle next to Tommy. His relationship to Tommy is fine, though he says in an upcoming chapter that he's "done enough for that jackass" in what is, presumably, a loving way but probably has some truth behind it.

This whole basketball thing is very funny to me for some reason, but here’s the story: 

Joel played basketball in middle and high school (purely because he ended up being 6’6” and his parents put him in sports very quickly), and continued to play on different teams in his 20s/30s at a competitive level. At this point, I see him playing on a long term recreational team and DON’T @ me if this sounds insane, cause I know very little about basketball, but I think he’s a power forward on his team. 

If he wants Sarah to do him a favor, he definitely tells her that he “passed up an opportunity to play in the NBA to raise her instead” which is a massive lie. He has dragged Sarah along to many basketball games throughout the years, and she gets kinda bored but knows it means a lot to him that she’s there. She prefers watching pro/college basketball with him, though, and they do that often. 

Other than that, in his free time, he works out at the gym pretty often, and for two reasons. One is to be a better player, the second is that he wants to give Sarah some space and not have her feel like he’s breathing down her neck all the time. So he gives her the house to herself for a few hours to decompress after being around people at school all day, while he goes to work out, then he comes home and makes her dinner. 

Entertainment wise, I see him liking a lot of 90s hip hop (Radio Los Santos anyone?) and he definitely is a Sopranos enjoyer. He probably does a really shitty Tony impression.

At work, he wears black pants, black t-shirts, and black high top converse shoes. At home I see him wearing a pretty typical combo of jeans, basketball shorts (obvi haha), sweatpants, t-shirts, long sleeved shirts, hoodies etc. This is likely my only non-flannel shirt wearing Joel. He of course wears a jersey and shorts while playing ball. 

As I mentioned, he doesn’t talk much about his life at work but he sometimes talks about Sarah, I think. They went on vacation together to Jamaica or something once and, when he came back, the waitress was like oooh, you’re so tan, look at you, and he was kinda flattered by her being touchy so he showed her vacation photos on his phone hahahaha

I obviously have to address his relationship to the waitress girly, so here:

As mentioned in ch 1, he has a very long term “crush” on her that started when she began working at the restaurant. I think they started talking more when she jokingly asked him to make her dinner cause she forgot to eat and then he actually did it, and she kept “forgetting” to eat so he kept cooking for her, and then she started bugging him on his breaks and he secretly liked it so then he started waiting for her to come out and keep him company. Also I say “crush” cause he’s obviously in love with her but hasn’t wanted to admit it to himself or anyone else haha, and she’s the same way back - which is why the narration is the way it is, with her actions showing her feelings but her not really conceptualizing them for herself, if that makes sense  

I think he said yes to her request to get her pregnant because, deep down, he does have a desire to have more kids, to be in a long term relationship etc. And sure, it’s a very unconventional way of going about it, but there’s obviously something in him that knows that he and this girl have a real chance at a relationship, so that confidence made him go okay, fuck it, let’s just do this completely out of order haha 

Prior to this, though, dating wise, I think he was in some relationships here and there, had some hookups but none of them really lasted all too long. Some of that might’ve been because he had full custody of Sarah and was never really by himself, he worked a lot, and always put Sarah first. Essentially he would need someone to fit into that puzzle, he wasn’t gonna try to make someone fit, they had to know and understand his situation and want to be a part of it.  

Let me know what you think or if you have any questions about this Joel of ours hahahah