#not exactly unrequited

[jomiddlemarch]

A damned saint, an honourable villain!

John Blackthorne discovered, to more than a little dismay, that he was a knave.

There might have been excuses made for his infidelity to Mary, whom he’d left in London with ill-concealed haste, her belly swollen with his babe, Tudor clutching his mother’s skirts with his free hand, his thumb plugged in his mouth. Mary’s mother did not bother to hide her relief at his departure, as she’d never taken to him, and feared he would bring some foreign illness back from his travels along with his full purse, but Mary had had tears in her green eyes and he’d made any number of promises about his return that neither of them believed for a moment. 

Neither of them believed he’d keep solely unto her over the next year or however long it took for him to come back, but both of them had only considered he’d dally with doxies, satisfying his appetites without truly breaking the vows he’d uttered.

It was unclear to him what the Japans considered he owed to Fuji-sama. She was his consort, given to him by his Lord, and she was clearly a lady of high status and regard, for all that her previous husband and son had been struck down for her husband’s impetuous outcry. She had the running of his household, including an extensive staff, and Mariko had explained she could not sleep until he did, but he had not been bound to her in Christian marriage. He might be a knave but he was not a bigamist.

Still, he felt he must be loyal to her, though she was not obligated to share his bed and showed no desire for his attentions. It troubled him that she was his and there was no way for him to bring her joy. He had not mistaken her expression when he had Mariko give Fuji his weapons, her confusion unleavened by delight or wonder. She’d been mildly pleased that he had offered her something of value to him, but she did not want him, nor his house. A child of his would be a burden to her, a grave insult to the memory of her firstborn. Within himself, he was compelled to find some way to care for her that she would accept and yet he failed in this endeavor daily.

Hourly.

Because he was a knave.

Because he loved Mariko.

She was widowed when he permitted himself to admit his affection, his attraction immediate, the bloom of a flower, but his fondness of a deeper, more tenacious nature, the oak tree rooted, its strength equal to gales. He had never loved a woman as he did her, for her mind and soul as well as her heart and body, for her rejoinder and her demurral, her serenity, her pride. He longed for her when he ate his morning meal and when he went out among the people, all strangers. He dreamt of her in the night, such teasing, tormenting visions of her joy found in his embrace, her ecstasy brought by his touch, his praise and devotion. 

She would not consider him because he was English before he was hatamoto.

She would not consider him because though Papist, she was Christian, and she knew of his living wife, honorably bound to him.

She would not consider him because he was temptation and betrayal, a burden she would bear rather than a boon. He had made it clear he wanted his ship and his men, he wanted to leave and never return, and he had said it again and again because he could not say he wanted to stay with her, when there was no place for them, no time in a time of war and chaos. He wanted her alone with him on a ship he would sail into the dawn, sails full, a cabin snug against any storm.

He wanted to be with her in some endless afternoon of conversation and love-making, the sea carrying them away from any obligation. He wanted to see her in the moonlight and to have her explain the Japans science of the stars.

He wanted the impossible, when he had been practical, driven, in service of his Queen and country. He’d abandoned Mary with the excuse he was a servant of the court and he made no effort to tend Fuji-sama beyond the most basic gestures, the ones he performed for Toranaga and for Mariko’s eyes. 

He was a knave and worse, a pilot who had no idea how to find his way. He wished for Mariko’s faith, which told her her Lord would guide her, or for her upbringing, which told her she must find her purpose in her master’s. John’s was an independent soul, given to argument, and he found that left him adrift.

Even if his Portuguese were better or she spoke his tongue, he would not have known how to convey it to Mariko, though he wished, most ardently, for her understanding.

He walked around the house he’d been given and thought of Mary in London, Fuji in the next room. He lay down and wished to discover some new truth, to put his hand to the rudder of a great ship and crest through the narrows to the open ocean.

He was a knave. He lay his head on his arm and closed his eyes.

At then, Fuji-sama might sleep. Mary might be right when she told Tudor that papa was abed and so must he be. Mariko might be his, in this smallest way, her name on his lips, ready to be spoken.

[jjkyaoi]

pisses me off when i see people interpreting the scene of till being happy to see mizi as him “always choosing her over ivan” or whatever the tiktok mob is saying BECAUSE GODDDDD NOT EVERYTHING TILL DOES HAS TO DO WITH FUCKING IVAN MAN 😭 like i love ivantill as much as the next but you guys are just making angst out of the stupidest shit. obviously he would be happy to see mizi, regardless of his feelings for her, he had thought everyone he once knew and was friends with INCLUDING HER . was dead. he thought he was the last one left most likely. his feelings played a part into it yes, but he saw her and knew it was his chance to be free. that’s the whole reason he stopped singing and reached out to her. it was not a fucking thing of ivan being rejected again please look at the story Beyond his (unreliable) point of view of things

[stimmingandstruggling]

idk maybe it’s just because i’m aro but i truly could not give a shit if ivantill was requited or not. like i will ALWAYS hold firm in my belief that they were CLOSE, till always saw ivan as a friend, but like. i don’t know if it was romantic for him and i don’t really care.

because the tragedy of ivantill is what could have been. if they had more time. maybe till would be able to see past his idolization of mizi. maybe he’d return the kiss, or maybe he wouldn’t. maybe they’d never speak again. maybe nothing would change maybe everything would change maybe they’d stay exactly the same but now they hold hands sometimes.

but they never had the chance to find out. they’ll never know. i think post round 6 all till could think about in those few hours he had was what if. what if what if what if everything was different. and not having an answer. never having an answer.

i don’t know if till loved ivan the way ivan loved him, but he deserved the chance to find out.

[geraskierfanficprompts]

Prompt 27

Geralt is fighting a mage who takes his memory of the last 30 or so years and plops it in a jar before fucking off. Geralt is confused, but even moreso when he returns camp and some guy in obnoxious clothing is waiting for him. The man gasps at Geralt's appearance - No big deal, humans always do - Before rushing over to him and pouncing to attack. Geralt does the smart thing and flings the human away. The human slides in the dirt a bit and looks up at him with hurt in his expression, which is... odd. Roach also seems a bit peeved. Maybe because there's a strange man in their camp? "Geralt, what's gotten into you? That- That was rather rude. You could've just said you didn't want me to hug you today." "Today?" "Yes, Geralt! I hug you after every hunt gone well! Every day! What are you, a doppler?" "Are you?" "Hah hah, very funny Geralt, I'm laughing, truly, I am." "...How do you know my name?" And suddenly the human looks very worried. "Oh fuck- Did you hit your head or something!? Do you have a concussion? Can witchers even get concussions!?" The bright man screeches, reaching for him again. Geralt very awkwardly flails his arm up to swat his hand away with a harsh "Don't touch me." and the man glares at him, before slowly just looking... sad. Deep down, Geralt dislikes seeing this man look upset. It causes this odd ache deep to his core. Geralt begins interrogating this man about why and how he knows him, and the man keeps talking to Geralt as if he's some poor wet puppy in a box. Eventually Geralt tells him to leave the camp and not follow him. The man doesn't listen. Geralt is getting really fed up with him, until the man tells him he'll leave Geralt if he takes him to some woman named "Yennefer" because "She'll hopefully know how to help." This in turn becomes Yennefer saying Geralt's lost all his memories of Jaskier, Jaskier sobbing into Yennefer's shoulder as she awkwardly comforts her weird gay friends, and then her sending Jaskier and Geralt (and or also coming along) to track down the mage and get the jar of memories back, even though the entire time Geralt is adamant about Jaskier not coming, fearful for the human who seems to care so much about him for some reason. Either he can't trust this "Jaskier", or even worse, this Jaskier who seems too perfect to be true is real, and does indeed care for Geralt this much, and thus Geralt can't let ANYTHING bad happen to him.

[essenceofarda]

quick sketchy doodle of Fingon and Maedhros. Before Leaving Valinor of course. Playing around with a few features, esp on Fingon.. such as him having gold highlights instead of gold jewelry in his hair, and glowing golden eyes :>

Then it just felt right to doodle a Maedhros as well 😌

[faaun]

the way that diff languages sound r so fascinating they're all different and all so vivid

[morphestic]

dazai and oda are a tragic story with unrequited love and the fandom is reading it with their eyes closed.

[edwinisms]

banging my head against the wall every time I see someone reblogging a post of mine with tags mentioning the ‘unrequited confession’. we have been OVER this it is NOT a case of unrequited romantic love it is completely canonically up in the air as a possibility. listen to jayden revri himself and be enlightened i am begging you

[eddheadweirdo]

SOUKOKU SEASON 5 ANALYSIS

"Dazai never directly says what he wants. He always gets someone else to say it for him." -Kunikida

Very rarely do we ever see Dazai express genuineness to someone he cares about, ESPECIALLY when it comes to Chuuya. The only time Dazai is genuine with Chuuya (excludding post corruption) was when he postponed the end of the world in order to know if Chuuya wanted to know if he was human or not. So, when Dazai learns about Chuuya's vampirism, it's not out of character for Dazai to show him genuine feelings, since Chuuya wouldn't be conscious.

Except... He knew Chuuya was never a vampire.

So what do these scenes mean?

The genuineness of Dszai's speeches aren't tactically necessary, because he didn't HAVE to act like he cared just to convince Fyodor. Fyodor would have been as convinced if Dazai was also pretendung to see Chuuya as a tool. (Infact, Fyodor might have been more convinced that Dazai was protecting his partner by PRETENDING not to care).

But none of these speeches were for Fyodor. These speeches were too geniune.

Dazai didn't need to have actual flashbacks on their youth just to convince Fyodor. He didn't even have to mention that he and Chuuya, at times, bonded. These lines were unnecessary for their escape.

And then comes the biggest kicker. "Come back to me."

. . .

It's been established that Dazai didn't need to say these things in order for their plan to go well. It also wouldn't make sense that Dazai was saying these things in order to tease Chuuya (He literally reminisced on flashbacks, which Chuuya couldn't know about). The only other option is that he was being sincere.

The issue is, that Dazai never directly says what he wants. "Anything I want gets lost in the end." (Paraphrase)

But based on his actions and speeches, it seems like what Dazai is saying, is that he misses Chuuya.

The line "come back to me" no longer means "come to your senses", but "be apart of my life again."

The sad look he directs at the cieling when thinking about their youth no longer means that he's upset that Chuuya will die, but that he misses what they had.

Other lines like:

"We used to do this all the time." (Helicopter scene) Dazai once more looking back on their past.

"I've spent the past 7 years thinking of ways to kill Chuuya." (He says to Sigma) This line in particular is peculiar because Dazai figured out his weakness ages ago (poison). This just proves that he thinks about Chuuya.

Everything he says is geniune, yes, but has a second meaning to it aswell. Which, again, I highly believe is him saying that he misses Chuuya.

So what is Chuuya's reaction to this? Well, nothing. He treats Dazai the exact same way. Which completely makes sense.

He may be able to figure out Dazai's motives. But when it comes to what Dazai thinks about Chuuya, Chuuya couldn't be more oblivious. This is seen in the 15 arc, where Dazai was manipulating Chuuya to be his dog in the Port Mafia. Later in the dungeon scene when they're 22, Chuuya fell right into Dazai's manipulative trap.

Chuuya's great at picking up ques from Dazai when it comes to fighting an enemy. When Dazai's attention is directed at him, however, he's just as easy to misinterpret Dazai's intentions.

[ai-the-broccoli]

(what is definitely NOT the way Aka Akasaka came up with Kaguya-sama:)

Akasaka: [looks at Death Note] this is great, but... Akasaka: What if,,,,, this was a heterosexual* high school romcom,,,, where a lawlight-looking meronia was a lovely couple between man and woman,,,,, and Teru Mikami was a cute, rich, anxious schoolgirl who listens to praise kink asmr Akasaka: [actually makes that premise work really well somehow]

[heyluuu]

confession: i have blocked so many fics on ao3 because people tag n/essian as relationship and then proceed to bash nesta the entire time

[aq2003]

i need to turn myself into a shrimp in front of russell the davies in order to change the trajectory of his life what do you mean "he said if he had wrote martha today he wouldn't have done the unrequited love aspect" WE WERE SO CLOSE TO GREATNESS. WE WERE THIS CLOSE TO TENMARTHA TOXIC QPRISM BUT FOR REAL. IM GOING TO DIE

[cervinae-canine]

Yesterday really was the "hyperfixate on mouthwashing" kind of day, huh?

[comradecowplant]

so Ivanova is nearly killed off, saved by actually killing off sweet baby space legolas, and now she's left anyway? AND my boy lennier is going off to "find himself" too? mkay.

[beliscary]

pre-868 dion & terence being forced to endure a more formal greeting in a more formal setting like terence kissing bahamut's mercy (ring) and them both being soooo ridiculous about it....,..

[rosie-tyler]

I haven't watched Arcane s2 yet but I can't believe Jayvik outdid any Cobra Kai s6p2 ship (considering they're all divorced rn) in a gay divorce drama