#not exactly a unrequited theory

[eddheadweirdo]

SOUKOKU SEASON 5 ANALYSIS

"Dazai never directly says what he wants. He always gets someone else to say it for him." -Kunikida

Very rarely do we ever see Dazai express genuineness to someone he cares about, ESPECIALLY when it comes to Chuuya. The only time Dazai is genuine with Chuuya (excludding post corruption) was when he postponed the end of the world in order to know if Chuuya wanted to know if he was human or not. So, when Dazai learns about Chuuya's vampirism, it's not out of character for Dazai to show him genuine feelings, since Chuuya wouldn't be conscious.

Except... He knew Chuuya was never a vampire.

So what do these scenes mean?

The genuineness of Dszai's speeches aren't tactically necessary, because he didn't HAVE to act like he cared just to convince Fyodor. Fyodor would have been as convinced if Dazai was also pretendung to see Chuuya as a tool. (Infact, Fyodor might have been more convinced that Dazai was protecting his partner by PRETENDING not to care).

But none of these speeches were for Fyodor. These speeches were too geniune.

Dazai didn't need to have actual flashbacks on their youth just to convince Fyodor. He didn't even have to mention that he and Chuuya, at times, bonded. These lines were unnecessary for their escape.

And then comes the biggest kicker. "Come back to me."

. . .

It's been established that Dazai didn't need to say these things in order for their plan to go well. It also wouldn't make sense that Dazai was saying these things in order to tease Chuuya (He literally reminisced on flashbacks, which Chuuya couldn't know about). The only other option is that he was being sincere.

The issue is, that Dazai never directly says what he wants. "Anything I want gets lost in the end." (Paraphrase)

But based on his actions and speeches, it seems like what Dazai is saying, is that he misses Chuuya.

The line "come back to me" no longer means "come to your senses", but "be apart of my life again."

The sad look he directs at the cieling when thinking about their youth no longer means that he's upset that Chuuya will die, but that he misses what they had.

Other lines like:

"We used to do this all the time." (Helicopter scene) Dazai once more looking back on their past.

"I've spent the past 7 years thinking of ways to kill Chuuya." (He says to Sigma) This line in particular is peculiar because Dazai figured out his weakness ages ago (poison). This just proves that he thinks about Chuuya.

Everything he says is geniune, yes, but has a second meaning to it aswell. Which, again, I highly believe is him saying that he misses Chuuya.

So what is Chuuya's reaction to this? Well, nothing. He treats Dazai the exact same way. Which completely makes sense.

He may be able to figure out Dazai's motives. But when it comes to what Dazai thinks about Chuuya, Chuuya couldn't be more oblivious. This is seen in the 15 arc, where Dazai was manipulating Chuuya to be his dog in the Port Mafia. Later in the dungeon scene when they're 22, Chuuya fell right into Dazai's manipulative trap.

Chuuya's great at picking up ques from Dazai when it comes to fighting an enemy. When Dazai's attention is directed at him, however, he's just as easy to misinterpret Dazai's intentions.

[epicbuddieficrecs]

Weekly Recap | March 18th-24th 2024

It's a long one today folks! I hope you enjoy! :) If you know anyone who's not tagged, don't hesitate to let me know!

idk 'bout you but I can't wait for the final part of the premiere on Thursday!!! 😃

Complete

anything that is beautiful, people want to break. by dylaesthetics (Post-Coma, Trans Buck | 3K | Teen): Buck has never meant to keep it a secret from the one-eighteen. Hell, he trusts them with much more gritty, uncomfortable stuff than that. It’s more like… It hasn’t come up. There’s been no reason for it to come up. But then he gets struck by lightning and the mix-up with his medical records happens. A nurse he hasn’t seen yet barges into Buck’s hospital room, with his entire family in it, blood and found alike, and stares at him for one dumbfounded moment before blurting out a name he hasn’t been addressed by in well over eight years. 

not flesh and blood but the heart by Jinko / @jinkohhh (Post-S6, Getting Together | 10K | Explicit): Five times people assumed Chris was Buck's son + one time Eddie confirmed it.

🔥 don’t wanna let you love somebody else but me by fleetinghearts/ @shitouttabuck (S7 Spec, Bachelor Party, Pretend Relationship | 14K | Teen): or, chris wants dating advice and it turns out taking your best friend on a pretend date to practice being as romantic as possible is not a good idea in theory or in practice, considering the pesky being-in-unrequited-love of it all

A Little Bit of the Bubbly by Jinko/ @jinkohhh (Post-S6, PWP, Getting Together | 7K | Explicit): Since turning 30, Buck's relationship with champagne has changed. It also manages to change his relationship with Eddie.

washed away (but not) by Jinko / @jinkohhh (S7 Spec | 3K | Teen): “Well, this is awkward.” Every part of Buck wanted to tell Chim to go fuck himself, but he couldn’t, so he didn’t. Nothing made a situation more awkward than pointing out the awkwardness of it. “So which one of you two made the deathbed love confession?” Ravi laughed, and frankly, Ravi could go fuck himself, too. The both of them could go fuck themselves because both Chimney and Ravi were correct.

i like the way you scratch my itch by oklahoma/ @sunshinediaz (BTHB: Hives | 3K | Teen): Buck’s big blue eyes sparkle. “You’re so cute, did you know that?” he asks, leaning close enough Eddie can count the small red-brown-orange freckles all across his nose. “Even when you’re red from poison ivy.” Red. Red from the poison ivy. Yeah, yep, that’s exactly what he’s so red for. Absolutely.

meet you in the middle. by dylaesthetics (Getting Together | 2K | Teen): OR buck and eddie get their shit together during a regular friday movie night at the diaz house.

🔥 Even in Winter There is Eranthis by letmetellyouaboutmyfeels / @letmetellyouaboutmyfeels (Hades/Persephone AU | 45K | Explicit): Buck is supposedly a god. Supposedly. But he's got no idea what his domain is or what role he plays in Olympus. When he meets Christopher, a young boy lost and trying to find his father, he helps Chris get home - and ends up accidentally binding himself to the Underworld. Now bound to Eddie, the god of the dead, Buck must spend half the year with him in the Underworld while winter reigns above. But even as something grows between them, there are still trials to endure. Just because the gods are not mortal... does not mean they cannot die.

🔥 My Blood on Your Skin (My Rose on Your Snow) by letmetellyouaboutmyfeels/ @letmetellyouaboutmyfeels (Mythological AU, BDSM | 80K | Explicit): When Eddie needs cash and fast to take care of Christopher, his LAFD Academy buddy suggests a job as a bouncer at Elysium - an exclusive sex club in downtown Los Angeles. Eddie doesn't care what goes on there, so long as he's paid, but he finds he cares a lot bout the club's enigmatic owner, Evan Buckley, and it's not long before the two of them are violating every boss-employee rule in the book. But there's something different about Buck and the club, something not quite... human. If Eddie wants to keep Buck, he's going to have to delve into the world of immortals, and all the risks that implies.

and check out the amazing podfic!! 🔥 My Blood on Your Skin (My Rose on Your Snow) by letmetellyouaboutmyfeels [Podfic] by Rhea314 (Rhea)/ @rhea314

hold tight, you’re slowly coming back to life by bucksclipboard/ @excuseme-greentea (S7E01 Coda, Getting Together | 3K | Teen): Eddie runs into Natalia at the grocery store. He learns something about her and Buck’s breakup that gives him the final push to take care of his own complicated love life.

🔥 miracles under your sighs and moans by napricot (Sex Pollen, PWP | 21K | Explicit): When Eddie gets exposed to an experimental aphrodisiac on a call, he realizes there’s only one person he trusts to help him get through it: Buck.

Touch Me and I'll Scream by rogerzsteven/ @rogerzsteven (BTHB: Unhealthy Coping Mecanisms, Established Buddie | 5K | Mature): At his low, Buck uses rough sex as a way of self harm.

in another life by bellabrady (Coma AU | 2K | Not Rated): Or: Buck's in a coma and dreams of a life where Daniel never died and he never became a firefighter.

Locations by rogerzsteven/ @rogerzsteven (BTHB: Vomiting, Drowning | 4K | General): In which Buck drowns.

I was born to take care of you by Beulaugh/ @if-music-be-the-food-of-love (Getting Together | 3K | Mature): Buck has a revelation at work and then promptly falls on his face. Eddie Diaz's ass: 1, Evan Buckley: 0

hold the silence. by dylaesthetics (Post-S6 | 3K | Teen): OR while looking for clothes to donate, Buck stumbles upon the shirt he was wearing when Eddie got shot.

Tomorrow we can drive around this town by lamardeuse/ @lamardeuse (S7 Spec, Drunk Eddie | 4K | Mature): If Eddie had been sober, he would have realized it wasn't something to be happy about. But drunk as he was, it had the blood singing in his veins, because Buck was going home with him, not Tommy. Tommy could go fuck himself – or you know, anyone else who was willing, but not Evan Buckley. Because Eddie was a pathetic, sloppy drunk and his best friend had a responsibility to make sure he didn't choke on his own vomit or drown himself in the bathroom sink.

sang to the sea for feelings deep blue by Tizniz/ @tizniz (S7 Spec, Cruise Ship Emergency | 14K | General): God, he hopes Buck got out. That he isn’t trying to get to Eddie. That he gets to go home. And not just because Christopher needs him, although he does since Eddie is fairly certain he’s not making it home this time. He doesn’t let himself dwell too long on that thought. No, Eddie wants Buck to go home because he deserves it. Because Buck deserves to live. Because Eddie needs him to live.

you've got game by browney3dgirl6/ @hoodie-buck (S7E01 Coda, Established Buddie | 1K | General): a silly little late night conversation about chris being a 'ladies man'

take this life and make it yours (take this heart and let it love again) by Maira/ @carrierofthepaperclips (Canon Divergent, Post-Coma | 31K | Mature): Before he could second guess it, he’d dialled Eddie’s number and listened to it ring in his ear. As soon as he heard the click of the connection, he said, “Eddie, what the hell, man?” “I meant what I said. I don’t know who you think you are, but call this number again and I will contact the police.” . . . or, the one where Buck finally figures out he's in love with Eddie, only for things to not go as planned. At first.

if i bleed, you'll be the last to know by heartbeatdiaz/ @loserdiaz (S7, Hurt Buck | 6K | Teen): buck gets stabbed while out on a run and then... doesn't tell anyone about it. eddie loses his shit when he finds out, they have a moment in the kitchen and they kiss.... not necessarily in that order.

Baby, take me by 42hrb / @exhuastedpigeon (S7E01 Coda, Getting Together | 4K | Explicit): “Same thing,” Eddie nuzzled him, stubble scratching even more as he moved his face. When he stopped nuzzling, he pulled back far enough that he could see Buck’s face. “I said stop thinking.” “Kinda hard to turn my brain off.” “Pretty sure I turned it off just fine last night,” Eddie said with a smirk that went straight to Buck’s cock, already half hard just from the way Eddie’s stubble is dragging across his skin. “Is that how I get you to stop thinking?”

when you call me yours by browney3dgirl6/ @hoodie-buck (Established Buddie, Proposal | 5K | General): Buck starts calling Eddie his husband. Only problem...they're not engaged. aka the 5 times Buck refers to Eddie as his husband and the 1 time Eddie makes it true.

just lay back in my arms for one more night by diazbegins/ @evanbegins (Established Buddie, Fluff | 2K | Teen): Buck loves Eddie as he naps.

Brat Burrito by Tizniz/ @tizniz (Established Buddie | 1K | General): Just a cute Buddie moment about breakfast burritos.

it's a sliding into home kind of day by devirnis/ @devirnis (PWP | 3K | Explicit): Eddie’s eyes still don’t leave the television. Frowning to himself, Buck cranes his neck to get a look at what could possibly be more important than him coming home after covering a tragically Eddie-less shift. A baseball game evidently is the answer.

your love is a secret I'm hoping, dreaming, dying to keep by BekkaChaos/ @bekkachaos (New Years Eve, Getting Together | 8K | Teen): aka, Eddie's in love with Buck and he doesn't know how to tell him, until there's a miscommunication and fate (well, Hen) intervenes.

Loose Threads by Daisies_and_Briars/ @cal-daisies-and-briars (Secret Relationship | 3K | Explicit): New to dating and keeping it quiet, Buck and Eddie get a little carried away on a slower shift at the firehouse. But when the alarm eventually sounds, a spur of the moment mistake leaves them a little mixed up.

Married Life by buddiefication (pumpkincreamcoldbrew)/ @911onabc (S5, Getting Together | 2K | General): Taylor films Buck for a TikTok challenge, and Buck finds out he would much rather be his best friend’s husband than his girlfriend’s.

A Seal By Any Other Name (Would Still Be My Best Friend) by bigfootsmom (Seal!Buck, Post-Tsunami | 5K | General): Evan "Buck" Buckley is a collection of oddities. But they're just what makes Buck Buck and Eddie loves him for them. Eddie had thought that after their years of friendship (and maybe something more) that nothing Buck could do would surprise him anymore. But there is one oddity that Eddie never saw coming. “How about you start with why there was a seal in my bathtub and now there’s just you in my bathtub.” (Part 1 of Seal!Buck as in the aquatic mammal)

Just Add Water by bigfootsmom (Seal!Buck, Tsunami | 3K | General): There may be more to Buck than meets the eye. But he's still only human(ish) and getting stuck in a natural disaster with his best friend's son is still all sorts of terrifying. A small hysterical part of his brain thinks about how ironic it would be if this was how he died. Him, a mythical aquatic creature, drowning. The universe would surely laugh and the long line of Buckley ancestors would turn in their graves. (Part 2 of Seal!Buck as in the aquatic mammal)

you can be my daddy (come on, you know you like) by bigfootsmom (Getting Together, Daddy Kink | 4K | Mature): Buck has a teeny tiny problem. One, he's in love with his best friend. Two, he wants to call said best friend Daddy.

It's the softness that breaks you by bigfootsmom (BDSM, Hurt/Comfort | 6K | Explicit): Or the one where Buck has more issues with intimacy than he had originally thought.

lay your love on me by bigfootsmom (PWP, Getting Together | 3K Explicit): Buck never thought the words he said to Eddie in the kitchen would ever come back to haunt him like this. Honestly, he’s not complaining.

you made me feel (i've got nothing to hide) by bigfootsmom (Virgin!Buck, Established Buddie, PWP | 8K | Explicit): Buck has a secret: Contrary to popular belief, Evan "Buck" Buckley is actually a virgin.

WIP

🔥 Right Where You Left Me by hyacinthusbloom/ @thebloomingheather (Canon Divergent, Post-S4, Angst | 22/? | 162K | Explicit | ❗️Warning: Rape/Non-con): "Therapy?" Eddie suggests. Buck almost laughs, but instead says, "I'll go if you go." Because he had fully expected him to be chicken shit, to disagree, and instead Eddie, the bastard, replies, "Deal." Or Buck never tells anyone that he slept with his therapist and deals with the butterfly effect years later.

🔥 Any Other Way by Daisies_and_Briars/ @cal-daisies-and-briars (Canon Divergent, S2 | 6/18 | 37K | Mature): In a switcheroo alternate universe, Buck spends young adulthood in the military, while Eddie, who has no idea Christopher exists, spends his twenties messing around, finally enjoying freedom away from his family’s expectations. When they both end up in Los Angeles, at the 118, some things are different, and others will be the same in any universe.

🔥 Things We're All Too Young to Know by Daisies_and_Briar / @cal-daisies-and-briars (Canon S1-S6, S7 Spec | 122/? | 374K | Mature): This is a love story. Even if it doesn’t always look like it. Even if it doesn’t always feel like it. A look back on Eddie and Buck's lives up to now, and what led them to each other, interpreted from the current 9-1-1 canon.

[crescenthistory]

Hey darling, how are you? Hope your having an amazing day ❤️

So I saw your prompt list and I was thinking about b6 and b15 with Regulus Black and kinda Sunshine x Grumpy, like he really tries to keep the facade of being cold and unbothered but reader is just so kind and understanding with him that he just melts whenever it comes to her, the tipical "I hate everybody but you"

hi my love, have been a bit sick and stressed lately, but finding relief in writing, so thank you for your enrichment hihi<3 wishing u the best!

Prompts: B.6 "Are you falling asleep on me?" "..." "Alright then" & B.15 "How are you so cute right now?"

Words: 3k

Warnings: not proofread, use of y/n, regulus black is traumatised and mentally unwell, reader is surprisingly stable and supportive (congrats), trying to make reggie have a dynamic and complex personality, not yet established relationship but Clearly Something, falling in love and fluff, implied fear of (unrequited) love on reggie's part

Note: y'all realllllly love the sunshine x grumpy dynamic with reggie, huh? me too dw

The library was silent except for the soft rustle of pages turning and the occasional scratch of quill on parchment. A low fire burned in the corner, its light barely enough to keep the chill at bay, but the two of you had stayed long past the warmth’s welcome. The vast shelves of books loomed around you like silent sentinels, their presence familiar and comforting in the way only a quiet, deserted library could be.

Regulus sat across from you, perfectly composed, as usual. His quill hovered over a parchment filled with notes – meticulously neat, with that sense of perfection you had come to associate with him, exactly as he intended. His dark hair fell slightly into his eyes as he read, but he didn’t brush it away, too focused on whatever passage had captured his attention.

You admired him, hoping your tired gaze was not too obvious – though maybe it would be good for him to see it. The late hour was getting to you, but you didn’t want to leave, not yet. Nights like this, studying alongside Regulus, had become a routine your body craved. Though he rarely gave any indication that they meant something to him, you had come to peak far enough behind the cracks of his exterior to know he did. Should he wish to not be near you, he would have left, he never had any reservations for doing so when Barty got too many of his nerves or Sirius was too loud.

Yet here you were, both of you drowning in books, the silence broken only by the sound of your quills and the faint crackling of the fire. He seemed... content.

You shifted slightly in your seat, hoping to stifle a yawn as you stretched your stiff legs under the table. The movement caught Regulus’ attention, and he glanced up from his book, dark eyes scanning your face. 

“You’re tired,” he stated, his voice low and matter-of-fact. It wasn’t a question.

“Not really,” you lied, offering him a small smile as you looked back down at your notes, dried quill hovering over the page. You could feel his eyes on you for a moment longer before he returned to his book, but his silence spoke louder than any rebuttal. You weren’t fooling him, not for a second.

Regulus knew you as well by now, and he could easily see through your casual deflections. He was also sweet enough on you to not call you out on it yet.

Charms had never been so dreadful as it was tonight, all theory as you copied information from the textbook over onto your parchment. You felt yourself beginning to drift again, blinking only made you sleepier, and the words on the page blurring together in front of your eyes. You pressed your lips together, determined to stay focused, but the exhaustion clung to you like a heavy cloak.

You rearranged yourself to be more comfortable, bringing your legs up underneath you and leaning your head on your arm, taking up perhaps a bit more desk space than what is considered gracious.

Regulus’ quill still scratched against his parchment and you looked up at him through your lashes. He hadn’t glanced at you in a while, his brow furrowed as he scribbled something in the margin of the book he was reading. Upon your movements, though, you saw a small, soft smile tug on his lips, the kind that you weren't sure anyone but you would recognise.

It had become a familiar sight, both the smile and the way he hunched slightly over his work, his focus intense. It was like he was shutting out the world around him – around us, he had once absentmindedly corrected when you told him as much. His face blank then, not paying any mind to the giant grin growing on your own face.

“How do you do it?” you asked suddenly, surprising yourself with the question. Your voice was soft, but in the quiet library, it felt like a disruption. Regulus looked up, his quill pausing mid-scratch, abandoning his sentence.

“Do what?” he asked, his voice even, though there was a hint of wariness in his eyes.

“Stay so… focused,” you clarified, gesturing vaguely to the piles of books around you. “I feel like I’m drowning in information, but you’re always so… collected.”

There was a brief pause. Regulus stared at you for a moment, his gaze unreadable. Then he lowered his quill, folding his hands in front of him on the table.

“It’s easier that way,” he said quietly, his voice almost too soft for the stillness of the room. His eyes flicked to the side, avoiding yours as he added, “When you don’t let anything else in, it’s easier to focus.”

You studied him for a moment, noting the tension in his jaw, the way his shoulders seemed to carry more weight than they should. There was always something simmering beneath the surface with Regulus – something unspoken, something guarded. He never let it out, never gave anyone the chance to see what was really going on inside his mind.

And yet, here you were, sitting across from him in a quiet library, long after everyone else had left, simply because you wanted to. So far, he had been brave enough to let you.

“And is that what you want?” you asked, keeping your tone light, non-confrontational. “To keep everything locked out?”

Regulus didn’t respond immediately. His eyes stayed fixed on the table for a long moment before he finally met your gaze again, his expression carefully controlled. “It’s necessary,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper.

You leaned back in your chair, letting his words settle between you. Necessary. The way he said it felt heavy, like there was so much more beneath that single word. You didn’t push. You never did. Regulus wasn’t someone who opened up easily, and the last thing you wanted was to make him feel like he had to.

You wished more than anything that he could see himself the way you did. That he could let go, just a little, and realise that he didn’t have to carry everything alone.

“It doesn’t have to be,” you said softly, almost to yourself, as you turned your gaze back to your parchment.

Regulus heard you, though. He always did.

A small silence fell between you again, this one thicker with unspoken thoughts. You turned a book on its side to read it from your position lying on your arm, trying to ignore the heaviness of the atmosphere. Regulus hadn’t moved, his hands still folded in front of him, his brow slightly furrowed as though deep in thought.

“I don’t–” Regulus’ voice cuts through the quiet suddenly, making you look up. His jaw tensed slightly before he continued, “I don’t let people in because it is… easier. Safer.”

There was something vulnerable in the way he said it, as though he wasn’t used to sharing even that much. It wasn’t a full confession, not by any means, but it was more than he usually offered, and you understood how much it cost him to say even that.

“You've let me in, though, have you not?” you tried softly, offering him a small, understanding smile. “And so far it's been safe.”

Regulus blinked at that, surprise flickering in his dark eyes. He was not sure what he had expected you to say, but clearly not that.

It looked like he was at a slight loss of words, so you continued, smile still plastered on your face. "I understand what you mean, though. It's not easy to trust in general, and you have had it harder than most. Take everything in your own time, Reggie."

Regulus remained quiet, his gaze dropping back to his notes. You could feel him retreating, slipping back behind his mask, and you let him. You weren’t here to break down his defences, only to be there when he was ready to let someone in. His hand skirted closer to where yours was fidgeting with your quill – not quite touching, but close enough. Close enough.

You turned back to your book, allowing him his silence, trying to make sense of the words that felt increasingly foreign. The night was catching up with you, pulling you deeper into the edges of sleep.

“Y/N.”

Regulus’ voice brought you back to the present. You blinked, realising you had almost drifted off again, your head tilted dangerously close to the open pages of your book. There was a certain mirth in his gaze when it met yours, quickly subdued by what looked like a weary worry.

“I’m fine,” you said assuredly, straightening up in your chair with a slight wince. You could feel the stiffness settling into your back and elbow from sitting too long.

Regulus didn’t say anything at first, just watched you with that same quiet intensity he always had, his lips pressed into a thin line. “You should go,” he said after a moment, his voice softer than you expected. “It’s late.”

You gave him a sleepy smile, placing your head in your hand as you leaned on the desk. “I’m not leaving you here by yourself.”

Regulus exhaled through his nose, odd mixture of a sigh and a laugh. “I don’t mind being alone,” he said, though there was a hesitation in his voice that made you think he didn’t believe it as much as he wanted to.

“I know," you said, tone gentle, "but I do.”

"You mind being alone?"

"I mind you being alone."

That seemed to catch him off guard. He stared at you for a moment, his expression unreadable, before he looked down at his lap, his quill tapping against the edge of the table in an absent rhythm. 

"I don't really know what to say to that." His face was still partially shielded from you, but you could see there was no menace in his words – just confusion, maybe even... amusement?

"Admitting you don't know something is a good start."

He gave you the first genuine laugh of the night, albeit small. "Okay then." He looked up at you finally, slight smile still playing over his features.

You watched him for a moment longer, noting the contrast of his tense shoulders with his humoured face. He was trying so hard to hold it together, even now.

"I'll stay here for as long as you do, Reg, and I know you still have a few pages left in you."

You leaned back in your chair again, stretching and letting out a small yawn. Regulus eyed you carefully, as if considering something.

"I do," he started. "But if you're staying any longer, you should get more comfortable."

He nodded his head towards the place beside him. While you were sitting in a wooden chair, he sat in a comfy, cushioned love-seat with just enough space for you to join him in. Had you not been intent on studying, you might have sat there from the start, but the harsher chair usually helps you study.

Now, though, you did not hesitate to slip around the table and sink into Regulus's seat with a sigh.

He looked at you over his shoulder, body still angled towards his notes, smiling fondly at you. "Better?"

"Much better, though I hope you know you're playing a risky game right now."

"Is that so?"

"Yeah, I might fall asleep here and you will have to stay overnight. It would be rude to leave me."

Regulus just laughed, not dignifying you with further banter, as he turned back to his books. You had one in your lap as well, but the words were mostly jumbled by now.

The next hour trickled by with sparse conversation between the two of you, mostly just the comfortable silence you had grown between you over the months. You asked Regulus a question every now and again, about coursework or life, and he gave you his usual, short answers, though with a much kinder tone than he reserved for others who pestered him with interrogations.

He was halfway through an explanation of why the professor thought it necessary to make you write an essay that is essentially just restating the textbook when he felt something soft thud against him. He looked down and saw the top of your head, hair slightly messy from the hours in the library, lodged between his uniformed arm and back.

"Amour? Are you falling asleep on me?"

"..."

"Alright, then." Regulus couldn't help the smile that tugged on his lips, filled with more emotion than he would have let slide with anyone around. "You did warn me."

Careful not to startle you, he manoeuvred himself around so you were resting against his chest instead, and then slowly lowered you backwards to lean against the back of the chair. One hand cradled your head as he moved you, so you wouldn't get whiplash – there was no other reason, of course.

You were surprisingly soundly asleep for someone who asked him a question mere minutes ago, but then again, he suspected you had been fighting sleep for around two hours. To stay here with him. Regulus's heart clenched at that, and it did not go unnoticed by him that before he would have felt immense guilt for this moment occurring, and now he just felt... oddly soft. Warm.

He tried to place you in a comfortable enough position, still keeping some of your weight up with the left side of his body. With a tentative, slightly shaking thumb, he brushed away some hair that had fallen in your face

Part of Regulus ached to stay like this. To have an excuse to be this close to you, to feel so vulnerable without the overwhelming panic that often threatened to take over his body and mind. He basked in the sense of safety you were somehow able to provide him, but it would take hard work to be able to accept and embrace it. In the creeping darkness of the library, secluded just the two of you, it felt much easier.

Yet, despite your jokes about rudely waking you up, he did not want to risk detention for the both of you by being caught staying out past curfew.

"Y/N?" With a hand on your cheek, he tried to gently move your face to get your attention and draw you out from sleep. "Hey, amour, you need to wake up."

You let out an impudent groan, eyes squeezing as you turned your head a little – into Regulus's hand, he noted with hitched breath. "W'is it?" You slurred your words and he had to stifle his laughter.

"You need to wake up, darling. You fell asleep in the library, but we're done now. Time to get back to your dorm."

You just huffed at that, clearly trying to stay asleep by burying your face – still clutching Regulus's hand to the other cheek – into the cushion behind you. He tried to use his hand on your face again to lightly shake you, but you just grabbed his elbow and held it still in response. Eyes still decidedly shut.

This time, Regulus couldn't hold back his laugh, which in turn made you squint open an eye.

"What are you on about, Reggie?" Your voice was not only rough from sleep, but a bit annoyed, which in turn made Regulus all the more humoured. He never would have taken you, with all your painfully kind words and looks and understanding, to be grumpy in the morning.

"I don't even know," he said through a rather large grin. "How are you so cute right now?"

"Don't know, just am. Come sleep."

"No, no, darling. Time to get up so you can go sleep."

It seemed as if his words somehow seeped through your mind and you finally processed the situation. You opened your eyes and all-but-jerked into an up-right position – face now rather close to Regulus's, enough to see the whiteness of his teeth as he laughed at you. He was laughing at you. The bastard.

"Good morning," he teased, forgetting himself.

"Did you call me cute?"

The humour was almost washed from his face as he seemed to wake up himself, but an endearing smile still clung to his lips. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Mhm, sure you don't." Your smile now matched his. "How much do you have left?" You gestured to his books with your free hand – only now noticing that your other was still clutching his elbow. His hand dropped from your face the second your properly woke up, but you never let go of him. Maybe the sleep made you delirious or his comment made you brave, because you kept your hand on him.

"Oh, I'm finished." He gave you a look that you couldn't tell if was teasing because you clearly didn't or if he was lying about being done so you could go sleep. Either way, you accepted it.

"Great, let's get us to bed then, shall we?"

When Regulus got out of his seat, he held out a hand to you, to help you up. When you accepted it and ended up standing almost impossibly close to him, he didn't step back, and he didn't look away. He just smiled.

"Yeah, let's."

[darylmydix]

THE SCARS WE SHARE | daryl dixon - 003

summary: you were the only good thing daryl had in his life. bonded by similar trauma, you suffered abuse at the hands of your stepmother, just as daryl had suffered from his own father. when you finally decide to escape your abusive home life, you're forced to leave behind your best friend in the process. now with the world in an apocalyptic state, you're left wondering if daryl was even alive.

pairings: daryl dixon x fireader.

warnings: smut, violence, blood and gore, unrequited love, best friends to lovers, mentions of s/a, mentions of abuse, mention of suicidal thoughts/attempts, mention of drug use, use of deadly weapons, fluff, angst, slow burn, strong language, kidnapping, coercion, seasons 5-11, 18+, minors dni.

word count: 2.3k

author’s note: if you asked to be in the taglist and you’re not, i apologize. it wouldn’t let me tag some of you. and yes, the person featured in this chapter is exactly who you probably think it is. also warning because this chapter may be triggering as it has attempted s/a.

You stare dolorously at your reflection through your vanity mirror; there was a desperate desire to wipe off all the makeup that coated your face. If the action didn’t come with an unpleasant outcome, you probably would have. Especially if it made you unappealing to whatever “guest” your stepmother had coming by.

You were adorned in a sultry black dress that was form fitting and showing off your curves. One thing your stepmother loved doing more than degrading you was dressing you up like her own personal doll. You hated it. You never pictured yourself as the sexy type. You didn't wear makeup because that merely wasn’t your cup of tea, and typically dressed down to avoid unwarranted gazes from depraved men.

Not that it mattered anyway. Dressed up or down, it still never ceased a creep from saying anything perverted. Merle Dixon proved that theory for you when he referred to you as “sugar tits” the couple times you’d been around him.

You get up from your vanity stool, shuffling over to your bed. You plop on the edge, trying to calm your nerves. You never knew what to expect from the men Sandra brought over. Some of them like to sit and talk before they get to business, while others like to jump straight into it. Some of them were vanilla and traditional, while others had kinks they were into.

None were ever too extreme, but it all made you feel filthy and uncomfortable nonetheless. What made you more unsettled was how many of the men were old family friends, or people in the neighborhood. It surely opened your eyes to how fiendish humans could be.

That’s why you always cherished your friendship with Daryl. He could be an asshole, and a bit prejudiced at times but deep down he had a heart of gold. You were lucky to be able to witness that side of him. He gave you hope for humanity.

A hard knock at your closed door interrupted your thoughts. You could feel your heart beating through your chest as it often did when this ordeal occurred. You let out a deep, unsteady sigh before speaking. “Come in.” You say. As the door opens, you’re face to face with a man you’d never seen before. “Well hello there.” He smiles, shutting the door behind him.

“H-hi…” you mutter, examining the man in front of you. He had longish gray locks, and facial hair. And he wore a buttoned up black long sleeved shirt embroidered with skulls and roses on it. He gave off a biker style. “I’m Joe.”

“Y/n.” You reply dryly, now looking away from the man.

“You’re very beautiful. I wasn’t sure what to expect.” He laughed heartily as though this whole scenario wasn’t disturbing. You don’t bother to respond, wanting the man to just get started and let this baptism of fire end. The man seemed to notice your lack of communication, and walked over to you. You tense a bit, but he suddenly takes a seat on the edge of the bed with you.

“You seem apprehensive, darlin’.” He says.

You weren't sure what he was expecting from this situation. You were being trafficked by your stepmother, and he was a dirty old man contributing to the crime. The man pokes the inside of his cheek with his tongue. “Y’know,” he starts. “I get it. This isn’t the most forthcoming thing to be happening right now, and you probably think I’m just a pervy old gu–”

“Can we just… not talk? I want this to be over as quickly as possible.” You finally speak up. The man looks at you, his expression suddenly changing from faux sincerity to an off putting smile. “Oh darlin’, this won’t be quick. It’s been awhile, so it might take me some time.” He chuckles before standing up and moving in front of you.

You keep your head down, not bothering to look at him until you hear the sound of metal clanging together. The man suddenly throws handcuffs beside you where he was sitting. You scrunch your brows together, looking from the cuffs to him. “Cuff yourself to the headboard.” He says, his tone demanding and not as laidback as it was moments ago. His entire demeanor had changed like the flick of a switch.

Your eyes widen at the command. You had never been cuffed to the bed before from any of the past men. The thought of being restrained and not able to fight back if anything happened frightened you. You weren’t so willing to put your trust, or even life into the hands of this stranger, who you were now getting an unwavering feeling about. “Go on. Do it.” He pushes.

“I don’t think… I don’t think I should.” You say slowly, looking away from the man’s displeased face. “You don’t… think you should?” He repeats your words just as slow. You nod your head. “I just wanna be comfortable. That’s all.” You try your best to get him to rethink the cuffs, but he seemed to be dead set on them. “Your mama back there told me you were obedient. I didn’t pay nearly $200 for you to tell me what you won’t do, girl.” He spat.

You cringed at him referring to Sandra as your mother. She could never be your mother. “She’s not my mother.” You correct him. The man scoffed. “I don’t give a damn who she is to you. I paid that money, and I’ll get what I want even if I have to cuff you myself.”

You shake your head. You didn’t care if you were going to suffer the consequences from this later. You’d put up with a lot of odd things from these men, but even the sheer thought of being cuffed to the headboard gave you crippling anxiety. You stand up from the bed, the man still towering your small frame. “I’ll get you your money back,” you assure him. “But I can’t allow you to cuff me.” You stand firm on your decision.

You tried to push past him to leave the bedroom, but were suddenly snatched by your wrist and pulled back. “Ain’t no need for that girl because I’m getting my money’s worth.” He says before tossing you to the mattress. You quickly try to get back up, but he’s pushing you down and grabbing the cuffs. “Get off me!” You shout, struggling against him.

“You’re only going to make this worse for you. Stop squirming.”

A stinging sensation comes across your cheek and you cry out in pain. The man had slapped you, leaving your cheek heated. “Sandra!” You yell for your stepmother in the most desperate attempt to get the man off of you. You knew better though. Your stepmother didn’t care what happened to you. As long as she got money, you were at the mercy of the men who paid her.

You muster up all your strength, finally able to flip the man off of you. He falls to the floor with a thud and a “oomf”. You use this opportunity to quickly jump from the mattress. The man swiftly gets back up to his feet. You know you had no time to make it to the door without him stopping you. You run to your dresser, grabbing the razor blade off the top of it.

Joe approaches you in ignorant bliss, unaware of the tiny blade you held. “Nowhere to run, girl. Let’s just bury the hatchet and start over. No cuffs.” He offers as if you were going to let this psychopath have his way after what he tried to do. “Fuck you, pig.” You snap.

“Have it your way.” He says, lunging at you. You speedily swing your arm, the blade cutting the man’s hand. He steps back, holding his bleeding hand. “You little bitch!” He shouts in pain. You take this opportunity to run to the door, ripping it open as you run out to the living room. You head for the front door, but are immediately grabbed. “Hey!” Your stepmother shouted. “What the hell’s going on? Where the hell do you think you’re going?”

“That bastard tried to assault me, didn’t you hear me screaming for you?!” You cry.

“Assault? Did you forget your place, girl? He’s supposed to do that.” She spat angrily, knowing she was going to lose money for this.

“He tried to make me cuff myself to the bed, and when I told him no he tried to force me!”

“You think you have a say in what goes on? I do! If he wants to cuff you to the damn bed, then so be it. He’s a paying client, and I will not lose out on my money just because you wanna bitch about goddamn handcuffs!”

You look at her through wide eyes. Your stepmother was always cruel, this was no shocking matter. But to let this man attempt to assault you and tell you to just deal with it? You refused. You shake your head, snatching away from her grasp. “No.”

“No?” She questions. “I’ll teach you to tell me n–”

“I want my goddamn money back, bitch!” Joe came stumbling into the living room, his hand dripping blood. Your stepmother turns to him, her eyes drifting from him to his hand. “What the fuck happened to your hand?” She asks.

“That little whore cut me, that’s what!” He grimaced. “I want my money back, or both of you bitches are gonna pay.”

“Listen, I’m sure there’s a way we can work this out.” She tries to reason with him. As the two of them go back and forth, you use the opportunity to make your grand escape. You whip around, running to the front door before jerking it open and running outside. You could hear your stepmother yelling your name as you ran down the street barefoot.

You run to the only place you could run to, the only person you could run to.

You ran the entire 20 minutes until you finally reached the trailer parks. You walk through the gravel trail, ignoring the pain of rocks digging into your feet. You’re relieved as you see the Dixon residence lights on. You walk up the stairs, frantically knocking on the door.

“You get into some kinda trouble again, boy? Who the hell is bangin’ on the damn door like the feds?”

“Hell should I know?” You hear Daryl’s voice, footsteps approaching. You step back as the door opens with Daryl on the other side of it. Daryl’s staring at you, a worried expression on his face as he looks your shaken frame over. “Who the hell is it?” Will yells.

“It’s for me.” Daryl responds, closing the door as he steps outside. “The hell happened to you?” He’s grabbing your chin, looking you over. “Is that blood?” There’s a hint of fear in his voice at the thought of you getting hurt that bad. You nod your head. “But it’s not mine,” you assure him. “It’s some guy. I cut his hand after he tried to…” your lip quivers, eyes watering as you try to force yourself to explain to him, but he stops you.

“You ain’t gotta repeat it. He still there? I’ma kill that son’na bitch.” He stomps down the stairs. You follow him. “Daryl, no, wait!” You grab his forearm, stopping him. “Fuck we waitin’ for, huh?! I ain’t just gonna let ‘em get away with it!” He swings his arm in frustration.

You shake your head. “It doesn’t matter,” you say. “Last night you said this doesn’t have to be our reality…” you pause before speaking again. “So run away with me.” You speak through glossy eyes.

Daryl stares at you with a blank expression, as though he didn’t hear you. “What?”

“Let’s run away,” you repeat. “We could go anywhere. We could start over. Get out of this fucking dead weight town, with these twisted fucking people. Me and you…”

You await his answer, hopeful that he’d agree.

But he didn’t.

“I can’t.” He replied.

“What do you mean you can’t? Yes you can. We could leave right now and never look back, Daryl–”

“Man, I said I can’t!” He snapped. “I can’t just leave Merle alone with that asshole in there. He’s my brother.” You stare at him in shock. “And what am I to you?” You ask him. He doesn’t answer, looking away from your hurt gaze. “What am I to you?” You ask again, your eyes watering. He still doesn’t answer, almost as if he’s afraid to say.

“You think he cares about you? You’re not even worth a damn to care about.” Sandra’s voice echoes in the back of your mind.

“Oh god… Sandra was right. You don’t give a damn about me…” you push past him, on your way to leave the trailer park but Daryl hastily grabs you. “Aye, stop. You know that shit ain’t true. I just… I just need you to wait. Once Merle’s outta jail I’ll tell him so he can come with us.”

The thought of Merle tagging along wasn’t ideal. All his presence would do is drag Daryl down and the whole point of you two running away together was to get away from bullshit. Unfortunately Merle brings bullshit wherever he goes. Regardless of that fact, there was no clear way of knowing if he’d even come along when he’s out.

“And what if he says no? Then what?”

Daryl goes silent again, but that was all the answer you needed. You nod. “I get it,” You whisper. “Stupid of me to ever think you’d choose me over blood.” You sniff, laughing at yourself. “When he’s out,” you say. “We’ll ask. I’ll wait a little longer.”

“Will you?” He speaks up. Now it was your turn to go silent, not answering his question as you began to back away to leave. “I’ll see you later, Daryl.”

Taglist:

@daryldixmedown, @supernaturalstilinski, @vampiresluv, @myassisasolarsystem, @mosstheshoeshoethemoss, @scripteria, @moonlightreader649, @creepumiku, @filmsbyblair, @ginger-haired-queen, @darylsdollie, @inkofthebrain, @teethvenom

[angel-kyo]

Pay it no mind

Part XX

In which reader confesses their feelings to Gojo, but it seems these are not returned (maybe?).

Warnings: reader is on the receiving end of rejection (kinda), and the fact that I'm obsessed with unrequited love is a warning itself. Mentions of injuries, marriage, and... Huh, that's it.

Previous: Part I, Part II, Part III, Part IV, Part V, Part VI, Part VII, Part VIII, Part IX, Part X, Part XI, Part XII, Part XIII, Part IV, Part XV, Part XVI, Part XVII, Part XVIII, Part XIX

----------------------

“Did you know [name] rejected a marriage proposal from the Zen'in?”

Satoru almost spat out the tea he was drinking upon hearing Ieiri’s words. Then he did his best to put on his nicest smile.

“And I thought you didn’t like cracking jokes, Shoko.” He laughed, but in reality, he could not find it funny.

“I wish I were joking,” she said taking her own cup to her lips.

Seriously, it’s not funny.

Why the Zen'in? Who among the Zen'in? Who was idiotic enough to…?

“I’m not sure of who exactly or why. All I gathered is mostly gossip,” Shoko went on, not allowing any more questions to form in Satoru’s mind. “But what I do know is that the rejection was not taken kindly.”

Of course, a rejection would not have been taken kindly by them, but it still puzzled Gojo, and by the look his friend had on her face, Shoko felt the same way. Was it even allowed to reject anyone from the Zen'in?

You did not come from a renowned sorcerers’ clan, for that reason you probably had no one who would fiercely push you into an arranged marriage, but it was also why it did not make sense that anyone related to the Zen'in had taken a special interest in you, someone who virtually had not a strong presence in the jujutsu world.

“When?” Satoru asked.

“Weeks ago, maybe more,” his companion stated.

Maybe around the time they started coming back with more wounds than explanations.

That led Shoko to the second half of her theory. Whoever you had made angry, had enough connections to keep stepping on your heels while you were out completing missions.

Shoko started digging into it after the last time you had come to her back from a battle. Your injuries had been bizarre for the simple routine mission you had told her you were going on that night, and after seeing the report of your mission, she noticed the curse you had fought had been misclassified. “That happens sometimes, it’s unfortunate it happened to them,” Ijichi had said, unaware that those misfortunes had been happening a lot with the missions assigned to you as of lately, as Shoko herself realized after looking at all reports from your missions of the last couple of months.

It could be someone from the higher-ups, but if I told that to Gojo, he might just go and kill them all.

Ieiri took a look at him. Judging by the thin line on his lips, he was in deep thought. Contrary to what Shoko had been expecting, she had surprised him, at least as much as one could surprise Gojo Satoru.

You did not tell him that either, huh, [name]?

“Don't think much of it,” Shoko said in an attempt to pull Gojo back to Earth, "[name] did not tell me anything, but if someone is holding a grudge and trying to do a number on them, I think...”

“I won’t let it happen,” Satoru’s voice sounded definitive. "I won't let anything happen to them."

I hope so, Shoko thought.

***

“Honey, I’m home!” Satoru cheerfully exclaimed upon crossing the door to your apartment.

You rolled your eyes in the kitchen. He had been doing that almost every evening when he came to visit you after work, and such visits had not been scarce either.

At this rate, the neighbors are really going to think he is living here.

“That smells good,” Satoru whispered in your ear, one of his arms already wrapping around your waist.

“You are just looking for a free meal.” You laughed and looked at him. “Why don’t you set the table?”

He nodded and was quick to leave your side to do as requested.

As you sat to eat together, you could not help but smile at how domestic it felt to have Satoru dinning with you any other night, even if he would sometimes leave for work or to sleep at his own place, it felt as if he was installing himself in your life more intimately.

You both talked about your day, your students, and overall, what you would be up to the following day. However, Satoru had left out his conversation with Shoko form earlier. As much as he wanted to know the details of what happened with the Zen'ins and ask why you had not said a word to him about it, he did not want to push for an explanation yet.

Maybe you had been coerced into not talking about it, or maybe you were trying to keep everything still given that the child Satoru (often with your help) was kind of looking after was also related to the Zen'in clan, and that had created discord between them and the Gojo families in the past.

The more Satoru thought about it, the more it appeared to him that the Zen'ins were trying to bug him with the idea of a marriage. He had always considered you family after all, and of course he would never allow his family to fall into a Zen'in’s claws.

***

It was unfair.

It was unfair how good Satoru looked after a shower.

He had taken a quick shower after dinner and changed into the spare clothes he kept at your place.

You were sitting in the living room trying to watch TV, but the man that had just walked in and taken his seat next to you was distracting.

“Like what you see?” he asked without looking at you as he browsed the channels on your TV.

When had he grabbed the remote? And why had you not realized you were staring at him?

“I… Don’t be ridiculous.” You turned your reddened face away from him and stood up. “I’m taking a shower.”

Satoru smiled as he watched you march away. He knew he was good-looking as a fact, but what he truly enjoyed was having that effect on you. It was only fair in his opinion; after all, you had the same effect on him.

Satoru looked at the screen in front of him but did not feel like watching anything, so he turned it off and walked to your room.

He heard the water running when he passed by the bathroom door, and he assumed you were still in there, so he went right to your bed. He sat down and that was when he noticed the drawer of your bedside table had not been closed properly.

He had no intention of snooping, but the cover of the book inside caught his eye, so he took it.

Pride and Prejudice.

Satoru observed it. It was a used copy but in pretty good shaped. His first thought was that you must have obtained it from a secondhand store.

Why would they put the book in the drawer and not on the shelf with the rest of their collection, though?

Satoru knew you read a little bit of everything, but he did not know you were a fan of romance, let alone of Austen, but he would not have teased you for it... Or maybe just a little.

He opened the book on the first page and the hand-written dedication under the novel’s name seemed to answer his question as it read:

"My affections and wishes are unchanged." – I.H.

Satoru immediately knew whom those initials belonged to.

He closed the book and threw it back into your drawer as fast as if it had burned him.

----------------------

Note: This part was initially going to be longer, but at some point, it got divided into two parts. Oh, well... I should get a breather for a couple weeks now that the semester is over, so hopefully I can upload that not too far away in the future.

Thanks for reading!

Next: Part XXI

@mavs-stuff @witchbybirth @crookedlyaddictedone-blog @tqd4455 @maybe-a-bi-witch @mo0nforme @maliakealoha @zacatecanaaaa @blushhpeachh @astriarose @missesgojosatoru @ba-ks @sukunasleftkneecap @songbirdlully @cole-silas @heijihattorisgf @chokesonspit @hersheyzzz @smolbeanzzz @luciledreamz @avidreadee123 @moonmalice @ratscandaler @sadmonke @allie-jay @username23345 @spin-garden @ashehateaccount @kayzens @blehtotheblehtothebleh @stellasloth @bloopsstuff @cheesemachine44 @tetsuski @rosellerinfrost @catowru @bi-narystars

[pastorfutureletthembe]

Because of my brain's fucked up chemistry, I bring you bilibili's most hilarious (sarcasm) ploy. This is one of my favorite official artwork. The palette is simple and our beloved characters seem to have fun!

🙂‍↔️ Don't be fooled.

I'll start with the obvious, as always: red stains and apple knives. The pictures are telling enough.

Then we have the number 8. Which, I have my theories on, but nothing significant enough to make a whole post about it yet.

Let's start with the 8 of hearts. If you look carefully, you'll notice there are exactly 8 chandelier arms. 8 strawberries are visible on each cake (one is missing two parts and the other one is partly behind a shadow who must be Li Tianchen). Lastly, but Im not entirely sure of myself here, you can probably count 8 wine glasses (they are rounder than others).

Crossed theory: the missing pieces of the cakes are exactly between IV and VI of a clock. V is hinted yet again 🤌✨ but there are two cakes... making cakes... Yep, you guessed it: one entire Curve, as described in Rick and Morty:

The curve basically walls off the infinite number of universes, in which INSERT IMPORTANT CANONICAL NODE happens, from the rest of the infinite multiverse. A model often used to explain is that the definition of the Central Finite Curve has no set parameters; it's just wholly random and infinite therefore can be represented as a repeating, immeasurable shape modeled with a circle. The Central Finite Curve would then present a finite collection of dimensions.

(Gosh, I do have a lot of meta planned for this show, kill me now // Edit: DONE)

STEPPING AWAY FROM THE LYING CAKE-

For archives purpose, I'll just point out that two Aces of Hearts probably means there are two of the same while there should be one. I don't know if this was a clue already or yet to be resolved. They're both near a candle, a glass and a bottle. It gives the whole table an odd symmetry. Like a mirror you cannot see the frames of. The 8 on cards are also symmetrical + the placement is repeated with both chandeliers. The symmetry of the table implies there is a fourth cake off-screen.

There is one mistake though, I don't know if it was made on purpose or not: none of the hearts are upside down. The 8 of hearts is wrong: there is supposed to be symmetry on the card itself!

Since we already got a tarot reading in the chibisodes, here we go: (a quick google research for this one)

"In divinatory tarot, it could be a mix between the Lovers and the World. Indeed, the ace of hearts relates to the World as it represents the triumph of the individual on the elements that surround him. It also relates to the Lovers thanks to its romantic attributes and consequences."

- latincards

THE DARKER SIDE OF THE ACE OF HEARTS MEANINGS: EXPLORING CONTRASTING While predominantly seen as a symbol of love and positivity, the Ace of Hearts can also have darker or more complex meanings. In some interpretations, it might signify heartbreak, emotional manipulation, or unrequited love. This aspect reminds us that the heart's journey is not always smooth and that love can sometimes lead to challenging or transformative experiences.

- thedopeart

(Sidenote: You should be aware that the LOVERS doesn't exclusively concern romantic aspects of life in our modern world, but life partners in the general sense, people deeply tied to you.)

As for the 8 of Hearts:

The Eight of Hearts is often associated with emotions, love, and relationships. It signifies deep connections, harmony, and positive energy in matters of the heart. When this card appears in a reading, it suggests that love and emotional fulfillment are on the horizon. This card is a symbol of balance and stability in relationships. It indicates that there is a strong foundation of trust and understanding between partners.

Hearts are a recurrent shape used in Qiao Ling's artworks but I'll make another post for shapes/characters related stuff.

For the record, Cheng Xiaoshi isn't drinking red wine on the Halloween poster. Doesn't know where this is going but I've done my share of meta for today 🙂‍↕️

>>> In conclusion,

RED is the real clue here. May it be to indicate the presence of Li Tianchen or VEIN. The same shade of red is all we see, as if a filter was used, and since Li Tianchen's eyes glow red, I guess it's related somehow (metaphorically speaking). The fact everything is the same color was also designed to trick us about the blood on the knife. The aces could be CXS and LG... or LG and Liu Xiao (he seems to be obsessed with him so why not.) In any case, I do see a paradox hidden in plain sight here.

The cards are there as a positive outlook: they are together in this, their friendship is what will thrive on the dark side of the clock! It encourages them to open themselves to others and trust their bond.

[oprahwinfreyjrjr]

24 unanswered Frenchie and Kimiko questions

What would have happened if Little Nina hadn’t kidnapped Frenchie? We saw those secret smiles on Kimiko and Frenchie’s faces. I want to see the conversation that happened when he came back from his quiet freak out at the coffee machine.

Why did Frenchie leave after Kimiko kissed him? Was he overwhelmed? Scared? Did he not feel that way at the time?

How the hell did they get back to the office after escaping Nina? Frenchie was butt naked and in rough shape. Kimiko was in a hospital gown, covered in blood. Cherie was not much better. That must have been an interesting Uber ride.

What is Frenchie’s famous cassoulet recipe?

In season 1, they are running for their lives, hiding from Vought in this safe house. At what point was Frenchie like, “Ah yes, this is the perfect time to bake madeleines with this feral girl. Add eggs, flour, and butter to the supplies list.”?

In a bonus scene is Season 2, Frenchie tells Cherie that he would never sleep with Kimiko. Was he lying to her? Or lying to himself?

When exactly did Kimiko figure out what “mon coeur” means?

He still looks totally cute but I would like to understand the reasoning behind Frenchie’s very elaborate, kitten whisker-y facial hair in Season 4. Choices were made!

Speaking of, he spent a not insignificant amount of time in prison. Why does he look so hot and perfectly groomed? When Butcher sprang him from prison, did he let Frenchie stop by his apartment to do a line up before his reunion with Kimiko?

Are Frenchie and Kimiko roommates? If they are roommates I want a whole season of domestic scenes with these two.

Do they share clothes?

Does Cherie come over to hang out? I’ve always been curious about how Kimiko feels about her.

When they came to M.M.’s apartment after escaping Nina, did they stop by Costco to pick up a bottle of Kirkland Signature whiskey or did they already own it?

When exactly did they fall for each other? And when did they each come to the realization that they were in love with the other? I feel like we were a tiny bit cheated out of some scenes of unrequited sexual tension because Eric Kripke dragged his feet about these two getting together for too long. (And my theory is up until the beginning of this season, he only caved because the chemistry was undeniable and the fans wanted it.)

Did Kimiko really sleep with the Jitterbean barista or was she just overcompensating?

How does Frenchie know the signs for “penis” and “vagina?” I can’t see Kimiko needing to use those words with her brother. So did she and Frenchie create those signs together? And how did it come up in the first place???

Frenchie was totally in a throuple with Cherie and Jay, right?

Will Frenchie now act extra territorial around Kimiko when they get coffee? He doesn’t strike me as a jealous guy but I could see him making an exception for her.

Will Frenchie take Compound V?

After he sawed off Kimiko’s leg, did he spend the rest of the day carrying her around while she healed?

What happened to Frenchie’s mother? How did he escape his father?

Why does Frenchie know so much about bombs and bioweapons?

How did he end up moving to The States? How did he become friends with Cherie and Jay? I feel like I could watch multiple seasons of a Frenchie prequel.

How is Kimiko going to get out of prison? How will she rescue Frenchie? And how will he react when he finally hears her voice?

[that-ari-blogger]

Who exactly is this about? (I'm Not That Girl)

When you are finding someone to play Elphaba in a production of Wicked, you need someone with range. Not just vocal range, but acting skill. Because they need to be able to perform with the stage presence and anger inherent in Defying Gravity, but they also need to be able to reach the devastating low that is I'm Not That Girl.

To me, I'm Not That Girl is at the core of what Wicked is, and what musicals are in general. It is a combination of singing and acting, and is someone excelling at both.

But, I would like to drive home the queer reading of this story, and try to explain why I think that reading adds to the message and power of the musical.

Let me explain.

SPOILERS AHEAD (Wicked)

I don't think I need to explain why this song hits so unbelievably hard. It's about unrequited love, and its a strength of the satire that is this musical.

Usually in musicals and fairy tales, the love story is fairly uncomplicated, with an extra option thrown in but not really given much depth and the audience doesn't really buy the drama.

Seriously, how many of you shipped Belle and Gastone?

So, this is a song about that love not working out, not because of plot reasons, but because its entirely one sided at this point. To Elphaba's knowledge, and probably the audience's as well, Fiyero loves Galinda, and there's nothing she can do about it.

"Don't wish, don't start Wishing only wounds the heart I wasn't born for the rose and the pearl There's a girl I know He loves her so I'm not that girl"

This is the other side of love, heartbreak.

Elphaba is a relatively rational character. She has been through the ringer and has ended up detached and restricted in her emotions. Now, someone has pushed through her barriers and she doesn't know what to do about it.

This song seems to me like Elphaba wrestling with love as a whole. Don't feel, don't try. It'll hurt too much, it's not worth the pain. So why can't she stop thinking about it?

The term "rose and thorn" sent me down a spiral.

Both Florists' Transworld Delivery and Bloom and Wild gave a ton of meanings for roses that boiled down to "it's romantic."

Pearls meanwhile have a ton of meanings depending on the culture. The blog My Pearl proposed these, most of which did not have anything to do with love at all. According to My Pearl, pearls are commonly associated with purity, innocence, and wisdom. So, not particularly romantic. However, My Pearl did say this:

"[White Pearls] are often seen as symbols of new beginnings and are often used as gifts for special occasions such as weddings and anniversaries."

So, this is a symbol of a happy ending, and Elphaba is essentially saying that she doesn't deserve that because of her birth. In essence, she is convinced that her difference makes her unworthy of happiness, which... if you think this about yourself, please don't. I don't know who you are, but you are worthy of love.

"Every so often we long to steal To the land of what-might-have-been But that doesn't soften the ache we feel When reality sets back in"

My main point for this series on Wicked as a whole has been that it is about dreams and reality colliding, and this verse fits with that. It's Elphaba letting herself imagine and fantasise about a stolen moment with Fiyero. Once again, at this point she has no idea that Fiyero likes her back, so this is purely theoretical.

I have been using the free sheet music from this website for my analysis, and I would like to stress before I continue that I am far from an expert on the actual theory of music here. I can point to which bits go up and down, and can name a few chords, but I can't tell you about the intricate workings of that.

With that said, allow me to attempt some music theory.

The time signature of this song is all over the place, split between 4/4 and 6/8. In other words, sometimes the bars finish earlier, and so the thoughts within continue, pulling you along as you wait for the conclusion.

In this song, the two signatures differentiate that splitting of reality and dreams. For example, the verse below is in 6/8 time:

As Elphaba imagines, she breaks from reality and the verse is really flowy, almost comforting within the song. But then it ceases the second she comes back to reality.

This keeps happening. Elphaba starts in reality, then drifts into dreams and comes crashing back down.

This time, however, the reality of the verse is about Galinda, the barrier between Elphaba and happiness, the wall she stands in her way. Although, it's a little bit odd to talk about a romantic rival in the way that Elphaba does, isn't it?

"Blithe smile, lithe limb She who's winsome, she wins him Gold hair with a gentle curl"

Let's talk about Dolly Parton.

I genuinely had a whole section trying to argue that this song is the Jolene of musical theatre, but then multiple people mentioned it to me in person by that term, and @a-fast-rebloger referred to it as such here on tumblr. So clearly I'm preaching to the converted here.

So instead, I'm going to explain what that means.

First up, the queer coding of Jolene is barely less than explicit, its essentially the one Romeo and Juliet speech that everyone remembers. "Romeo, romeo, am I in love with you?"

But, the song actually has a history with the queer community, with this article by Nadine Hubbs detailing its implications. The song also has covers and rewrites that bring that subtext to the forefront by Nadine Hubbs, Rainaeiry, Annapantsu (@annapantsu), Jessica Rica, and Dolly Parton herself (Although I have not been able to find footage of this), as well as arguably the versions by Lil Nas X and Caleb Hyles.

Rainaeiry has two covers of Jolene on her youtube channel, by the way, and a cover of I'm Not That Girl that I highly recommend.

Jolene is a song about unrequited love and being unable to do anything about it, and the song focuses on the woman who forms the barrier to this love. It is a song about defeat.

"Your beauty is beyond compare With flaming locks of auburn hair Ivory skin and eyes of emerald green Your smile is like a breath of spring Your voice is soft like summer rain And I cannot compete with you Jolene"

Compare that with this:

"Blithe smile, lithe limb She who's winsome, she wins him Gold hair with a gentle curl That's the girl he chose And Heaven knows I'm not that girl"

This is more than just thematic parallels, this is subject overlap, and remember when I mentioned the dreams vs reality theme being expressed by the time signature? Well take a look at the time signature for that verse.

The verse switches halfway through, as Elphaba begins describing her friend, and that dreaminess comes back as she discusses Galinda, but then dissipates when she remembers where she stands.

This is a love song by Elphaba, about Galinda. It's about how Elphaba isn't deserving, how she isn't pretty, how she isn't chosen. And who does she associate with those traits, but Galinda.

And here is where my reading comes in, finally. I read both of these witches as either biromantic or bisexual, probably both. Galinda for reasons I will get to in a later post, but Elphaba because of this song.

This song to me, is a true love triangle. Elphaba is desperately in love with both Fiyero and Galinda, but she can't reconcile those feelings, and she can see that they both seem to make each other happy, and she doesn't want to break that for either of them. This is a song about defeat.

I keep separating the line "I'm not that girl" from the rest of the verses, and I've been doing that for a reason. The line gets separated by the music as a melodic outlier.

Every part of the song rises and falls. I'm not sure what this is technically called musically, but it's like a ramp or a ski jump. The notes lower slowly, then raise sharply and drop off even more so, as seen above. This matches the song as a whole, which rises and falls in the same way. But consider the following:

This is the only line in the entire song that only descends. It is a line of resignation, as the reality weighs down on our protagonist. Once again, this is a song about someone who does not feel like she deserves love from either Fiyero or Galinda, because of how she was born.

And I will say this again: If you feel like Elphaba here, that you are undeserving of affection, then you are wrong. Everyone is worthy of love, even you.

Final Thoughts

The correct term for this song is "heart wrenching".

While it isn't my favourite in the musical, you will just have to wait and see for that, it is definitely up there, and is one of the few numbers in all of musical theatre that I would classify as a perfect song.

Also, I would not be able to forgive myself if I wrote this post and didn't mention that Steffan Hughes' rendition of I'm Not That Girl is genuinely the most emotionally resonant video on YouTube and it needs more attention than it has.

Next week, I will be looking at One Short Day, so stick around if that interests you.

Previous - Next

[jiminsass-istant]

In response to your Who mv analysis:

"Which basically means jimin going through different people is a thing of the past"

I thought it's an "established knowledge" among most Jikookers that Jimin fell for JK since the very beginning days like in 2013 or 2014, so when did Jimin go through different people? And why, since he was already madly in love with JK?

Linking my MV analysis first for those who want to read:

Like I said..my MV analysis was not to validate any ship. You are right though, most jikookers have a timeline:

"Jimin falling first in 2013, JK crushing back on him by 2015 (by that time Jimin was not that bold), then them getting together in 2017 finally."

But isn't that all speculation at the end of the day?

Read on to find why MUSE album is not about Jimin's 'personal life':

Jimin clearly said that the album is about feeling inspired, feeling excited. 'MUSE' is something/someone that inspires and excites you to make art. The album is centered around finding inspiration. Love comes in all forms- love for art/love for a person. 'Who' in a romantic sense is about finding love, but as clearly mentioned in a few articles about the album, MUSE album is the result of Jimin trying to find inspiration. It translates to Jimin doing the type of music he likes, experimenting- from a marching band like song to slow rnb/pop, afrobeats to 2000s pop main track, the range is huge here.

So in the MV, Jimin going through different people doesn't literally mean he was going through them in real life. It's the "story" of him trying to find inspiration and searching for what his heart wants. But in the end he kinda fails (it still doesn't mean that he 'fails' to find inspiration). Not everything has to have a start and end, or absolute explanation. Things are pretty open ended here.

Even if you relate the MV's story to his personal life, just remember what he said-

And your ask is exactly the type of misinterpretation he is talking about, lol. He clearly told RM that he hasn't felt the feeling of 'excitement' of a 'crush' or 'unrequited love' for a long time and in the album it seems like he's describing feelings of finding someone new that would bring out those feelings. Does this mean he is lying to RM? No. This album is him embodying these feelings. Similar to what JK said for Golden : "the lyrics are not autobiographical". He didn't have to clarify that, but he still did.

Which basically means that Jimin is neither single nor is he in any type of 'new love'. Which leaves one option - he is in a long term relationship.

While FACE was personal- about losing people, betrayal, loneliness, depression, and getting back stronger; MUSE is a conceptual album. A concept should be taken at face value, without relating it to life of the artist. Jimin knows about the interpretations that fans made for FACE and he never commented on them, because he openly had said that the lyrics are to be taken for what they are. It's the most he could reveal without being too detailed. But now that he knows his fans, he expects them to make theories about his personal life like we did with FACE. Only this time, like he said, we are most likely to misunderstand.

Thanks for the ask anon, come back again. As for Jikook, they will keep jikooking.

[how-very-superbat]

Do you have any recs for unrequited superbat? /nf

Okay so I'm like super sorry but I don't really read unrequited fics because they will just make me cry, but I have some "not actually unrequited love" fics which I will share instead :/

love will abide by TheResurrectionist (2k) Bruce’s ribs were broken. This is the closest one I have found for your prompt. Friends with benefits, anyone?

B-theory of Time by by Dokkaebi King (42k) It was never supposed to happen. He was never supposed to be here.  Despite all the plans he concocted, all the contingencies he committed to memory, Bruce could have never been prepared for this. What had started out as a Christmas party he'd been tricked into attending, and a night where he'd believed the hardest thing he'd have to deal with was Shayera killing Wally over Mario Kart, turned into an abundance of moments where Clark backed him into a verbal corner and made his heart want things it couldn't have. Oh yeah, and then there was the time travel. An attack by renegade, sentient light later, and Batman found himself on Krypton. Then in Jor-El's custody. And that somehow segued into him becoming a baby Kal-El's nanny by day, a man desperately trying to save Krypton by night. This was why Bruce Wayne hated Christmas.

I haven't read this one in a while but I remember it being super good and Bruce thinks his love is unrequited.

Padam Padam by frozenpotions (7k) Batman's heartbeat keeps speeding up whenever Clark is around. For instance: when Clark greets him, half-naked, on a Gotham rooftop. Or when he uses his superstrength to save a busload of schoolchildren. Or sometimes even just when he smiles. Clearly the poor man is terrified of him.

(I also recommend batman’s POV to this story, What a Tangled Web We Weave)

running backwards (is the only way forward) by soetry (8k) Bruce gets hit in battle, forgets everything about being Batman, and adopts the entire personality and characteristics of his idiotic playboy persona. To get his memories back, someone has to get rather intimate with him.  And really, Clark is the only one for the task.

I'm sorry I don't think these are exactly what your looking for, but I hope I helped a little!

Thinking about maybe posting another Lengthy Superbat Rec List, but I have so many other tropes lined up as well :,)

[allastoredeer]

Discussing fandom and its trends is one of my favorite things 🤓 I hope you don't mind me sharing some of the pseudotheories and pseudoanalyses I've seen before (to me they're all fun and I don't think they should be taken 100% seriously, please no one be offended)

1 The name of the boat that goes first is the favorite.

Quite funny in my opinion and from what I have seen it is not necessarily false, but many times it is that putting it differently sounds *wrong*, especially when they are combinations of the name

(Although after seeing that apparently apple radio and radioapple are not the same now I need an explanation of what radiosilent is as opposed to radiostatic)

2 The sub is The favorite

The first time I saw this was in a SW comment thread with a Chinese reader who was commenting with the author about top/Bottom preferences for the language and commented on this theory. They said that the Bottom gets all the love and since you want your favorite character to be adored that's why you write it like that

3 you project yourself into the Bottom

This came from another fandom, things got heated and toxic and a common accusation from a ship is that half the ship "had no personality" and they were using it to project themselves into a relationship whith the top

Personally I think they are all true to some extent, but I also see them as renunciationist and I myself am not without my own prejudices.

Part of the problem is that in relationships m/m and w/w, they continue to be written as one part a hairy-chested alpha male and the other part a blushing, submissive (and I have a weakness for ABO bulbs but there the problem is worse). In the case of radioapple Alastor has been reduced to his ego and need for control (so he could never let go. And is there something strangely allosexual about the way they write it?) and Lucifer to his depression (so he needs to be adored... And the truth is, I do think 3 applies here)

With what we see, I think that Lucifer has no problem being at the bottom, but his preference is at the top, even bordering on the Dom.Lucifer has insecurity and depression but he also knows he is powerful and we see him being authoritarian even if he later recants.He seems to be the type who would enjoy being the one to give pleasure to his partner, but I also don't see him giving up control easily when there are already so many things in his life out of control.Lucifer doesn't want someone to come in and take control by emptying his head, he wants something he can control and show exactly how good he is at it.

Alastor, on the other hand (this is where my prejudice comes in): what does he gain by being the top? Some kind of power play? Because I feel like Alastor can find that high without involving genital play.How ace (and probably aroace and almost certainly on the gray or demi side for most fics to work) Alastor would need something more to really get involved like that, which is why I feel like the top Alastor fics almost always feel too Allo for my taste, he just fucks like anyone else.When Alastor is the Bottom the writer gives him a little more nuance.

So that's my two cents to the discussion 🙃

Honestly, I think you're on point with most of these. (I too would like to know the difference between radiosilence and radiostatic - i see a lot of different names pop up for Alastor/Vox, whether its reciprocal or unrequited, and I can't keep up with it. I think radiosilence means the attraction is one-side? Maybe?? I think??

I can see the logic behind people having their fav be the bottom because they want them to feel loved and adored. I, too, am guilty of this. It also probably helps that the top is usually depicted as doing most of work LOL (Bringing Doms and Subs into this, there are a lot of fics that explore sub-drop, usually with their fav character--which I totally get--but it'd be interesting to read more fics that explore dom-drop too).

Personally, I've never felt any real attraction towards the characters I like, so I've never projected myself as a bottom or top through a pairing to be with one of the character. I project my insecurities and life experiences on them 🤓☝️ LMAO same basic concept, just a different shades But characterXreader fics/posts are super popular! So, I see that one too.

Part of the problem is that in relationships m/m and w/w, they continue to be written as one part a hairy-chested alpha male and the other part a blushing, submissive (and I have a weakness for ABO bulbs but there the problem is worse). In the case of radioapple Alastor has been reduced to his ego and need for control (so he could never let go. And is there something strangely allosexual about the way they write it?) and Lucifer to his depression (so he needs to be adored... And the truth is, I do think 3 applies here)

Very much agreed. I enjoy Omegaverse fics too, but it's one of those fanfic tropes that I'm picky about. It needs to be written a certain way for me to really enjoy it.

I don't know, just the default that one person has to be dominate and the other has to submissive never sat right with me. For a long time, I was super squicked out by even the thought of being in a relationship because of this. I'm a small person, most people are taller than me, and I'm pretty thin, so the mental assumption that I'd have to be "the submissive one," considering that's what almost always happens in these depicted relationships, made me feel so much anger, anxiety, and discomfort. I hated the thought that that's what would be expected of me. (Personal lore drop: considering I also grew up in a hyper-religious, extremely patriarchal town, the expectation felt 10x worse and 100x more real. I dreaded getting older and starting romantic/sexual relationships).

Also, yes, with a lot of top!Alastor content I've seen, there is something very strangely allosexual about it. Or, at least that's how it comes off to me. Asexuality is a spectrum, so there's no "perfect" way to be ace, it's just...there's just something about it that feels very allosexual, and maybe why I keep shying away from it. It squicks me out a bit, ngl.

People keep saying they see Lucifer as a switch, and funnily enough, it was actually confirmed by Vivenne Mendrano that he canonically is a switch! Of course, if people want to see him exclusively as a bottom or top, that's fair. You do you, boo. We're here to have a good time. But I'm very happy with his canon sexuality, so that's where I keep him. I can see him as a sub and a dom, too.

I also see Lucifer as the type who enjoys giving his partner pleasure! Be it bottoming, topping, subbing, or domming. He'll try out kinks and position and role-play, because I headcanon him and Lilith having a very healthy, very explorative sex-life. They were freaks in the sheets, and they tried all the new, crazy shit sinners brought with them into Hell.

I keep Alastor exclusively as a bottom, though. Some of it is because I see him being kind of grossed out with the idea of a part of him going into someone else (hello self projection!) but I also see him generally being sex-indifferent. Like, he'll have sex, and he'll enjoy it, but it's not something he typically seeks out for himself. Maybe once in a way, when he's in the ✨mood✨ he'll initiate. If his partner wants sex and he doesn't, he's not forcing himself. If his partner wants sex and he's kind of just vibing--not feeling horny, but not really against it either--yeah, he'll have sex. It's not like he's getting nothing out of it, he still feels and enjoys the pleasure in the act, even if he's generally indifferent towards doing it.

If he's comfortable with it he'll even indulge their kinks (and indulge his own 😉 not all kinks have to be sexual, afterall. And even if his are, that is still valid and does not take away from his sexuality because aces can still have sexual kinks 🫵 I'm looking at you, people who assume aces can't have sexual desires). (I also gave Alastor a power kink 😏 because I think he'd be into his partner displaying immense amounts of power. It doesn't even have to be directed at him. He'll watch his boo destroy a city block and then fuck them later because that was hawt.)

A lot of it could also be because he feels too allo for me when he is written as a top. Lol "he fucks like everyone else," is a very good way to put it 😂 When he bottoms, it feels like he's written with more of his ace-identity in mind, which I love!

But also, I like Alastor being a bottom just because. I vibe with it. 'Nuff said.

Thank you for your two cents!

[katyawriteswhump]

the power of love part 8 (steddie, stobin, steve whump fic)

Steve has a habit of surviving near death experiences then getting sick for no reason. And Eddie and those fatal bat bites? After an impossible feat of mouth-to-mouth resuscitation from Steve, he’s mysteriously fixed. So, Eddie’s back to being banished, this time with Steve and Robin in tow. Eddie’s healing, but Steve isn’t… and life gets even more confusing, when Eddie develops feelings for Steve, which aren’t entirely unrequited.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12

(also on AO3 here where it's still in need of love, if anybody is feeling kind *sobs* ;))

Chapter Eight

Eddie POV continued

“You kissed? And now you can’t wake him?” Robin perches beside Steve on the bunk then rounds on Eddie—genuinely baring her teeth. “I shouldn’t leave you alone with him. It’s like you’re cursing him or something.”

“Woah! Are you accusing me of satanist shit now?” Eddie stops pacing the floorboards, claws his hair.

“Steve? Steve! Oh God, please!” She gently pats him, sinks her face into a hand. “Sorry, Eddie. It’s just… totally unexplainable.” She looks up sharply. “That’s exactly what we should be looking for, right?”

“The unexplainable?” Robin nods. “I should be dead. Steve should be bright and breezy—”

“—and it’s not anything to do with the Upside Down.”

Eddie hums uneasily. Should he share the new theory he’s got brewing? “I dunno. It blows to be a cynic, but—"

“Come on, Eddie! There are so many other possible explanations. If the Upside Down is real, who knows what else is? You’re a maestro of the D and D underworld—work with me here.”

They bounce ideas off each other, including that Steve might’ve succumbed to bad beer. Neither of them buy that one.

“Maybe Steve has some sort of regenerative power,” she says, “like Doctor Who. And you’re leeching it out of him, or something.”

Eddie hoots: “It’s my fault again?”

“No! Look, I sometimes get kinda papa grizzly where Steve is concerned, which is odd, because otherwise, I have almost zero protective instinct. We can’t deny the pattern, though—last time you two got mouth to mouth, he performed miracles and then went downhill fast. This time, uh…”

“I slurped the life out of him again?” Eddie sinks down on the opposite bunk. He thinks back to the kiss, which had been so mind-blowingly awesome. Until it wasn’t. Time to test his number one sucks-balls-squared theory of the day.

He slowly peels his shirt—or, rather, Steve’s now extremely grubby t-shirt—off over his head.

“Ew! Save it for the boys, Munson.”

He runs his palm across his midriff, glances over his shoulder, then hurries closer to the window for better light. Holy shit. “I was still covered in scars yesterday. Even earlier today, there was too much pink among the ink. Now there’s diddly-squat.”

 “So, Steve is still healing you?”

Eddie scrunches the shirt and hurls it across the room. “Yeah, and at this rate, my payback’s gonna kill him! We’ve been so fixated on Steve—what if I’m somehow a font of crappy juju? The big bad wolf the whole world believes I am, after all.”

“No.” Robin strokes Steve’s arm. Eddie’s dying to be close to him, too. Shit, he doesn’t dare! “It’s the water. It gives him some kind of power, and he’s passing it on to you. I mean, it doesn’t explain everything, but…”

Eddie retrieves his shirt, grabs her lifeline and clings to it. “It’s as good an explanation as any.”

“Ooooh!” She turns super-excited. “Perhaps there are fairies in Lover’s Lake? Water nymphs? Or aliens landed there! I’m still mightily suspicious about those clouds and the choppers, because—”

“This is getting absurd, Robin.” She sneers at him, shrugs anyhow. “Look, if we buy the lake theory, what can we do about it? It’s not like we can drag him there. We left the car practically in the next county, and he’s too sick.”

“I could fetch water and bring it back here?”

“Given my recent form, I think it’s best for you to stay with him. Eddie the Banished will don his armour and head once more into the breach.”

“Shakespeare? You listened in English Lit?”

Eddie puffs out his chest, conjuring a bravado he so doesn’t feel. “Still gonna be my year, Buckley.”

His armour is chiefly the shelter of the forest, during several hours of tedious trek. He cycles the last part of his journey, pulling his bandana over his face. When he makes radio contact with Dustin, however, his journey feels more than worth it.

Eddie arranges a meet with the Wheelers at Skull Rock. At least, he believes he does. Dustin communicates in one of his more baffling codes. Eddie is blown away, therefore, when he spots his fave lil’ dude approaching their liaison spot. Dustin defiantly wears his Hellfire Club t-shirt, despite everything.

Dustin throws down his crutches. Eddie rushes forward and flings his arms around him.

“Eddie! You son-of-a-bitch! You scared me so much!”

“Yeeeah, I was pretty scared myself.” Eddie hugs him tight, squeezes his eyes tighter. Tears leak anyhow. “But I’m alive and…” He pulls back, drinks up the sight of Dustin, who sniffs and rubs his red face. “God, it’s good to see you.”

Somebody clears their throat. Eddie jumps a good two inches in the air.

“Hey.” Nancy Wheeler stands a few yards off, offering a sheepish wave, which Eddie returns.

It’s not really surprising she’s there. Someone had to give Dustin a ride, and help him limp through the woods. Sitting beneath the rock, the three of them discuss possible explanations for wtf is going on with Steve.

“Okay, let me get my head around this,” she says. “You think Steve derives some sort of regenerative power from Lover’s Lake? And he’s sick? Right now?” She frets her lip. “I should go to him.”

“Uuuuuh, no need. We’re coping all right.” Eddie almost laughs out loud at how badly he doesn’t want her anywhere near Steve. He’d never in his wildest dreams have believed he would go toe-to-toe as a love rival with Nancy Wheeler.

She shakes her head. “There’s gotta be a connection with the Upside Down. This is bad. Really bad.”

“Not necessarily,” says Dustin. “I like Eddie’s hypothesis. There’s no logical reason why all the supernatural shit in this town, let alone this world, is evil.”

“It was Robin’s hypothesis,” admits Eddie.

“Whatever,” says Dustin. “If a bad alternate dimension can bleed into ours, maybe a good dimension can too.”

“I suppose,” said Nancy. Eddie nearly agrees with her, but can’t quite be that gracious. “Either way, if that lake fixes Steve somehow, we need to act quick.”

Nancy heads off to collect lake water. Once she’s gone, Eddie feels able to share his other Steve-related issue: “Didn’t want to divulge this in front of Wheeler, but… Uh, Steve and I got mouth-to-mouth again.”

“You had to perform CPR on him? I had no idea you knew—”

“There’s other reasons that lips meet.” Eddie puckers his lips and crosses his eyes, totally silly. 

Dustin stares at him, his mouth hanging open. “Oh!”

“Yeah. Theeeeen… he basically passed out.”

“Whut?”

“Look, don’t ask me to explain it! I mean, I like him. I really like him. Equally implausible, I think he likes me, but…” Aargh! His feelings for Steve are more tortuous than pleasurable right now. What’s more, the distance between them makes armouring his heart a teeny-weeny bit easier. 

“But?” Dustin bobs up and down on his butt.

“If I’m making him sicker, I should make myself scarce. I still wonder if I’m the bad apple here. Flayed… or whatever. It would neatly continue the sordid tale that is my life. Plus, if Hopper’s back, I bet he can get Steve off the hook for aiding and abetting, or whatever. Steve can go home, get the help he needs.”

“Hopper’s got his own problems, dude.” Dustin scratches his head beneath his baseball cap, kinda nervy. “There’s this army colonel in town, O’Sullivan, who’s pretty much Vecna levels of evil. He knows about Brenner and Hawkins Lab, and… Long story, cut short. He’s out to kill Eleven.”

“You gotta be shitting me!”

“That was my line when I found out. Hopper and El are hiding out, waiting for a safe opportunity to get outta Dodge. The band of the banished gets bigger every day.”

“Well, this exile should return to being a solo act. Steve and I absolutely would not work in the real world.”

“Huh?” Dustin wrinkles his nose. “You’re different—that’s what makes it fun. Even Suzie and I don’t like all the same music, for example. She’s got a real downer on Debbie Gibson.”

“Then maybe I should date Suzie,” mumbles Eddie, avoiding Dustin’s scrutiny. “In reality, Steve and I are from different planets. I’ve seen his house—his folks are loaded.”

“You can’t hold Steve’s parents against him. They’re literally never there for him. His Dad travels tons, and they stopped taking him with him when he was, like, eleven, because…” Dustin’s jaw drops again.

“Because what?” prompts Eddie. 

“Steve stopped travelling with his parents because he started getting sick every time.”

“So, he got travel sick. So do tons of kids. So what?”

“I honestly don’t know! But it supports your theories concerning his proximity to the lake. Sort of.” Dustin whacks his cap against the rock. “Jesus-mother-effing-son-of-a-bitch! I am literally dying to return to a world where I can trust the laws of science.”

Steve POV

1979

Getting himself up in the morning, getting himself to the school bus-stop alone—that only sucked.

It was the emptiness of the night that freaked him out.

Steve stayed up too late, of course he did. He was nearly twelve years old, with nobody to tell him what to do. He ate sweets and watched grown-up television, which got boring pretty fast. When he finally plucked up the courage to go to bed, he’d huddle under the covers, muffling his ears. It never drowned out that horrible, screaming quiet.

Who knew silence could be so loud?

He missed his mom, and it hurt, too. Knowing she chose to leave him behind. 

He’d hated travelling, because in the last year, he’d always got ill. Like, not just travel sick, but fevers and chills and headaches and stomach cramps, always “ruining” his father’s trips. 

Inevitably, his dad decreed that he must stay behind, and the first couple of times, his mom stayed home with him. Then she’d told him his father needed her more. What did that even mean? Steve really, really needed her, simply to be there. Somewhere in the house.

She wasn’t. 

The hours would stretch on, while he was too scared to close his eyes, until…

The monsters barged out of the closet, rioting through his nightmares. Then THEY arrived, with their smooth, smiling face and whirlpool eyes. That wordlessly singing voice, trickling through the waters, reassuring him everything would be all right…

In the morning, shuffling to the bus-stop, he remembered them. Clearer than the monsters, even. Oh man, he could be so childish and unhip sometimes.

“Steve? Steve! Please wake up! You’ve been asleep for hours.”

A groan escapes him, and then: “Momma?” Somehow, he knows it’s not her. “Dad?”

He opens his eyes. 

Oh shit. 

No, that’s not where his life is now. He’s sure as hell not eleven-years-old! Robin looks faintly amused, and also like she wants to thump him: “Gonna give you a pass on that this once, Steve, then go bleach my brain.”

Part 9

...

tags: @estrellami-1 @kal-ology (thank you, thank you, thank you!) If anybody else would like to be tagged on this fic or any of my writing, please let me know :) Reblogs, comments and likes also very much appreciated :) Thank you for reading so far :)

(also part of my steve whump fic series on AO3)

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 10 Part 11

[imminent-danger-came]

Im asking cause i really like your theories - do you think theres a reason why peng is so focused on macaque? He talked to him first in 4x02, mentions him out of nowhere even when no one does, and even seems bitter when mentioning the hold wukong has on him. I joke he has an unrequited crush on macaque and hes pulling on his pigtails, but the fact lmk both made him have a big obsession with macaque and had him escape instead of just jailing him like yellowtusk, makes me feel theres a reason for it

There could easily be some jttw thing I don't know, or there could not, but I'll do my best to provide some insight based off of what we see in lmk!

So, I think Peng and Macaque quite simply just don't mesh. This is used as a way to highlight their differences, as well as set up the eventual fight between Macaque and Peng in 4x13. Peng dislikes the way Macaque goes about things, especially because Macaque prefers to be methodical and cautious while Peng loves to foolhardily fight:

Macaque: "Look Wukong—I get you're excited, I do! But crossing the jade emperor is going to have consequences- and you're not listening. *sigh*" Peng: "You always were the most cowardly of the bunch Macaque, slinking around in the shadows like a rodent—well I for one am done with squabbling for scraps!"

(4x02 New Adventures)

-

Sun Wukong: "Peng is the most dangerous foe any of you have ever faced—buuuuut, the only thing they care more about than fighting is self preservation." (4x12 The Plan Man)

-

These two characters are foils. Where Macaque has a difficult time leaving-

Peng: "The six-eared Macaque fighting side by side with his own replacements! Is there anything Wukong could do that would break his hold over you?" (4x13 Rip and Tear)

-Peng on the other hand runs the moment things turn south. They abandon their brothers, valuing their own life over anyone else's and making it clear that no one has a hold on them the same way people have a hold on Macaque. Macaque never wanted to reach for more, yet Peng is motivated by their lust for wealth and status. They're "done with squabbling for scraps" and are glad to say goodbye to Camel Ridge—or "this dump"—clearly focused on material things more than anything else.

Macaque: "No that's YOU! You're the one always running off! Looking for more power, more sources of immortality—you're the one who wouldn't quit while were were ahead! Not the great sage, he's got to drag EVERYONE else into his mess!" (4x11 A Lifetime of Mistakes)

((I will say, however, I wonder why Peng chose to leave Heaven in the first place. Their motivations aren't as noble as Azure's and Yellowtusks'—what forced them out of their spot in the Celestial Court, if anything did?))

As for mentioning Macaque out of no where—I wouldn't say that's the case! Macaque was the last remaining member of the Brotherhood they had yet to cross paths with in 4x09, it makes perfect sense that Peng would bring him up while talking about reforging the Brotherhood after failing to win over DBK. Of course, Azure and Yellowtusk don't care—Macaque was basically the boyfriend Wukong kept bringing around that no one else liked.

Which...3x08 anyone?

Macaque: "*laughs* Together? Remind me again exactly what it is you contribute to the team? They seem to get on just fine without you! Don't take it personally Tang—your buddy Wukong values people by how useful they are to him. Take it from me as an...expert in what happens when you get too close to the king. Look out for number one, because if you don't? No one will." (3x08 Benched)

Another thing that piques my interest is Peng's choice to run, a cowardly choice, something that in another time they surely would have insulted Macaque for. ESPECIALLY because, Macaque is the one who instead makes the choice to stay in 4x13/4x13, helping to seal the Jade Emperor's power.

So ya. They foils.

Moving on, with the whole "Peng escaping rather than being imprisoned" plot point, I'd call attention to this 4x12 scene:

Peng: "Hm. I was expecting a little more pageantry while we were the ones running the show! Turns out Azure even trapped the cup bearers in the scroll. Pouring one's own drinks does tend to dampen the mood." Yellowtusk: "We are missing more than waitstaff brother—look around! This is not the change we dreampt of." Peng: "Oh, I don't know, a little bit of chaos might be good for the world!"

(4x12 The Plan Man)

-

Peng's specific use of the word chaos here leads me to believe that their going to somehow become involved with our who-done-it underworld plot. If Peng is one for chaos, and "the universe is perilously close to tipping into chaos", then it's 1+2. Now that Peng is free and Yellowtusk is imprisoned (very Macaque and SWK of them), I think it's quite possible Peng could work to free Yellowtusk next season, and Yellowtusk might downright refuse (very UNLIKE Macaque and SWK of them). Peng and Yellowtusk's motivations were extremely different since the beginning, and I think the rift between these two will be something explored down the line.

As for Peng and Macaque, I'm sure they'll get another confrontation! Something like Peng offering Macaque a "way out" from whatever our secret puppet-master has planning, and Macaque, in a beautiful choice of showing off his character development, chooses to instead stick it out with SWK and MK. It'll be something that highlights how much Macaque has developed and grown, while showing off Peng's vices.

[uncleadelheid-will-eat-your-soul]

To somehow relieve myself of the many many feelings that keep lingering in my head and somehow ease myself out a bit of my GO obsession, I started to read more of Neil Gaimans works and recently I picked up his short story collection "Smoke and Mirrors". I had already read the popular things he has written in the past, like Sandman, Coraline, Stardust, American Gods, The ocean at the end of the lane and of course Good Omens. But these short stories gave me a somewhat new appreciation for his writing.

The one story that stood particularly out for me, especially in connection with my current obsession with Good Omens, was Murder Mysteries.

I have just finished reading the story, so please excuse my incoherent ramblings and bear with me for a few minutes, if you like. My mind was a bit overflowing with thoughts and I had to write them just down. Also know, I'm not saying that this is a real theory that predicts what may happen in GO3 or anything. I just couldn't overlook some of the similarities and wanted to share my descent into madness with anyone interested.

*a note on the side: I will be using mostly he/him pronouns during this because the story is using them like that, so please don't come after me for misgendering angels ;)

For all of you who haven't read the story, here a short summary:

The story is about a man that meets a mysterious stranger at night in front of his hotel he currently is staying in while he is stranded in LA. They smoke together and as payment for the cigarettes, the stranger starts telling him a story. The story is about a murder mystery involving angels that is happening in heaven/the place before the world existed. The angel Carasel has been found dead in the streets and the angel Raguel (he has the position of Vengeance of the Lord) is sent to clear up the issue. During the story, Raguel interviews multiple angels and the story concludes in a somewhat Agatha.7-Christie-an parlour scene where Raguel tells a selected group of angels about his findings and enforces the (rightful?) punishment on the culprit that killed Carasel.

During one of the interviews Raguel conducts, we learn from that Carasel was currently working together with Saraquel on creating the concept of Death. The project preceeding this, was the invention of the concept of Love. During the confrontation at the end of the story we get the following dialogue:

Does this "[...] throwing himself too deeply into his work" seem a bit familiar? And then the "When we started to work on Death, he... he lost interest." ? This behaviour seems very similar to me as angel!Crowley was acting at the beginning so S2. This complete devotion to his work, his creation. And going along with this is his somewhat disregard of the things happening around him, like the "bigger plan" for the universe that Azi knew about or just the obvious adoration Azi was feeling for him right from the start. I'm not saying, that angel!Crowley would be as cruel? as Carasel is here, you know with the throwing away his partner after they were finished with their project, but I can't underestimate, that there are some similarities in their characters.

And then we learn, that because Saraquel could just not deal with the rejection he experienced from Carasel, so he decided that he would kill Carasel because "[he] thought... [he] hoped... that if he was gone, then [he] would no longer care for him - that the pain would stop." And i can't help but think that maybe for the fraction of a moment Azi may have had a similar train of thought during the aftermath of their break-up. Obviously not in exactly the same way, but in a "If I act as everything is alright and I am overjoyed with my new job on the outside, the pain will be maybe not as terrible on the inside as well"-way. When obviously it did not help at all and "...the pain has not stopped.".

Following this we get the somewhat very poetic execution of punishment for Saraquels crime that was fueled by his unrequited love: A kiss that engulfes him in flames and reduces him to nothingness.

I really really like the image this produces in my head. It is cruel because it punishes him with an act of love he so very much craved from his lover. And at the same time it almost feels sad and beautiful, like a last gift to him before the end. A reminder of the fleeting moments of love and connection he had with his beloved before it all went up in flames (...pun intended), until "[...] there was nothing left of him. Nothing at all." This is just sad and poetic and I love it.

And maybe this imagery I now have stuck in my mind when I think about the threat of being erased from the book of life that was looming over our beloved couple during all of S2. During the show it was always mentioned somewhat matter of factly whenever the book of life came up, but except maybe from a bit of anger and spite we get from Michael as he threatens Azi at the end, it feels a bit sterile. But this kiss, this engulfing in white hot flame, the horror the other angels seem to feel while they watch the scene. It feels right. It feels emotional and intense and devastating and beautiful. I absolutely love it. I hope, I don't have to witness it in the next season because it would probably break me, but i nonetheless absolutely love it.

And after this we get the aftermath of the scene. Noone that witnessed the horror of it is actually d'accord with the sentence, not even the executioner. They're all in various states of distress, ranging from fear to sadness to anger.

And we see Lucifer and his battle with understanding the sentence. How can it be just to erase something from existence for trying to cope with a never before perceived intense emotion and then the sudden loss of said emotion. How can it be just to punish someone for the act of loving to much and not knowing how to deal with it. How can such a lapse in judgement of an emotionally distraught being not be met with understanding and forgiveness.

Does this seem familiar as well?

And not even the executioner seems to be content with the whole situation, the way he was used to bring judgement on a fellow angel:

He feels used and horrible about his role in all of this. And with this he reminds me again a bit of Azi: He can see that all of this is really f*cked up. He even says directly to, who we know by now, God, that he disagrees with him, just as Lucifer does. In his eyes, the sentence was unjust and wrong. But in the same way he recognizes the whole situation as part of the famous ineffable plan for everything.

So here's the resemblance between Raguel and Aziraphale. Raguel adresses that the behaviour and sentencing of God that just occured through him was wrong. And Azi does the same, even though it may not be as directly spelled out in GO as it is here. But we know that Azi disagrees with a lot of the things that are going on in heaven. But even though both characters feel heaven is acting cruel and wrong towards it's creation, they nevertheless still believe in the overall goodness, the ineffable-ness, of heaven at the end of the day.

And last but not least, we get the offer god makes to Raguel: "...you may forget all this. All that has happened this day. [...] However, you will not be able to speak of this to any other angel, whether you choose to remember it or not." And this gets me thinking about Crowley.

We all have read the various posts about Crowley and how his memory was wiped during the "vague saunter downwards". Maybe Crowley has had a similar conversation with God shortly before they were cast out. Maybe he chose to forget everything that happened as a kindness. Maybe he still remembers everything but is not able to talk about it openly. Maybe his lack of communication with Azi about things that are going on is deeply installed in him because god forbade him at the start of his "new" life to talk about the things that were going on.

Or maybe, and hear me out on this one, I'm just reading waaay to much into this, because I am mad.

[freebooter4ever]

fuck guys my 'i think i met geno in 2012 without realizing who he was' conspiracy theory deepens D:

after a long day of rendering i was indulging in some scribbling and i wasnt going to post it but i was drawing this:

i mean its some random girl i dont think anyone even knows who she is, and the photo is hot and a fun romantic kissy pose to draw. i figured it was harmless practice. and halfway through the drawing i actually looked at the background. and immediately fucking recognized those stairs. i mean the exact location may be different but those railings i remember. cause i can never forget my friend grabbing my wrist and dragging me down the stairs fast enough that i was very grateful for the railings to hang onto.

i googled and the first time i searched 'diesel pittsburgh' i got this:

which is honestly way better than any nightclub. but then i adjusted the search terms and found

yeah thats basically exactly what i remember but with added weird green glowy pillars. looks an awful lot like the background of the photo too, huh?

definitely the same railings. :( there was a bouncer security guy at the bottom of the stairs who would stop you from going up it. i have no idea how we even got up there because it was the other girls' idea. its not like we were the hottest girls there or something either, we were just a group of carneg*ie mellon nerds. and i was not in the girls inner circle. just tagging along so nobody ever explained decisions to me. this was jan 2012...i hadnt even run into naeem at my dance class yet that happened in fall 2012. i hadnt perfected my dancing outfits, it was freezing and i hadnt realized that even in jan you wear skimpy clothes to run into the club because its always hot in there once you get there. i was in a quarter sleeve dress with flounces and ruffles and my favorite victorian leather booties. not exactly normal club wear. like that girl in the photo? looking way cuter than me lol. i also desperately did not want to be on that second floor. nobody up there was dancing they were just sitting around. i wanted to be dancing!

keep in mind i only ever went to this club once. ONCE. and i remember all of it because it was simulatenously fascinating but also traumatizing lmao. and not because of the group of guys in the vip section, that was probably the only highlight, money fingers dude was at least interesting even if he embarrassed me and cruelly dismissed me so soon after waving me over to talk to him :P (chloe would probably say different after what the other half of the group asked her to do)(not the dude who talked to me he was kind of separate from the main group).

but there's that vip section on the second floor and then below it the main dance floor was full of creeps - grabbing at me, pulling me around - just assholes. all i had wanted to do was dance with my friends and you couldnt do that easily because of all these creeps. and of the girls i was there with - only one i knew very well we can call her "L" and soon after she moved back to her hometown. peter moved to ohio (poor petey)(petey was madly in love with L and she was...not. it was tragic. like penelope level unrequited love. everyone knew he was in love with her except L). and i started going to naeem's underground music events rather than mainstream clubs. (unless cruze counts lol). so yeah i had no reason or motivation to ever go back to diesel.

but i also went out dancing almost every weekend 2012-2017 and wouldnt you know it the only random stranger i ever met that actually stuck in my memory was the dude in diesel. weeeeeeird.

i cant describe the strange dejavu i got when i realized i recognized those stupid hand railings. small world, crazy coincidences, absolutely impossible. on the other hand if it was him, i cant be mad at my past self for being clueless cause even if i had known anything i would have been too shy and awkward to do anything other than maybe give myself permission to stare at him more, and clearly he lost interest fast.

hilariously the places that i frequented in pittsburgh dont have any photos - one place didnt allow cameras or photographs, but the others were just such dives that nobody bothered. but they were more like this:

[coquelicoq]

first off, if you want to spend more time way overthinking r sounds, there's a GREAT doctoral thesis about r variation in standard dutch. "The Sociophonetics and Phonology of Dutch r" by Koen Sebregts. i still haven't read all of it, but spent most of a dinner talking at my mother and sister about it until they were like "please we are begging you to discuss this with literally anyone else". secondly, /ɥ/ :)

[shipping myself with french phonemes ask game]

you always know exactly what to recommend to me. if i were at that dinner you could talk to me about the sociophonetics and phonology of dutch r by koen sebregts as long as you wanted. rip to your mom and sister and any other bystanders but at least we would be happy!!

i was hoping someone would ask about /ɥ/...this sound has been shrouded in mystery for as long as i can remember. we're talking as early as when i learned to count to dix (because of huit). it was one of the sounds i could hear but could not for the life of me figure out how people were making. it's like we grew up across the street from each other, and she was a little older than me and so smart and pretty and carefree and i grew up just yearning. from afar. knowing that /ɥ/ didn't even know i existed.

so you'd think, what, unrequited pining? WRONG. this is ESTABLISHED RELATIONSHIP. didn't see that coming did you!!!! that's right, i can now pronounce the /ɥ/ sound. i can say it with my own mouth. and i do! i am saying this sound all over the place! we have ridden off into the sunset! we are on our honeymoon! it is happily ever after all up in here!!!

it's kind of interesting how this came about. i couldn't figure out how to make this sound until i learned how to identify and pronounce the /y/ sound, which makes sense given /ɥ/ is the semivocalic equivalent of /y/, but also makes no sense because then why could i identify /ɥ/ even before i could identify /y/? you'd think i would be able to hear both or neither, but not just one. and yet that is what happened. also, there was about a year between getting comfortable with /y/ and sealing the deal with /ɥ/. not sure what that was about either...like if you can make /y/ you can make /ɥ/, they're the same sound, they just occur in different environments...what would this trope be...ummm this is like if she were a superhero and i were dating her alter ego while also pining after the superhero. like babe i have good news for you! but also it's a little embarrassing after a year of dating to not be able to recognize someone when they take their glasses off.

in any case this is a very recent development, probably within the last year ish? it took me over two decades but i got there in the end. slow burn, happy ending. now if only i could figure out why word-final high vowels sound super aspirated sometimes, which is odd because aspiration is a consonant thing. (current theory is devoicing.) my beautiful wife /ɥ/ gives me the courage to be curious. if i can learn to make /ɥ/, i can learn to make anything. dreams do come true!!