#not enough ppl talk abt this and it makes me feel like im insane

[strawglicks]

u mean to tell me graham is SO insecure he cant handle having ANY imperfections or flaws and HAS to be on top or else he completely loses all mental stability

AND overworks himself to the point of PASSING OUT FROM EXHAUSTION after battling the toons because hes so desperate to win

AND is so invested in hustle culture that he disregards his physical/mental health and bases a lot of his self-worth on being the best employee

AND has burnt himself out as a result (based on his disciplinary records)

YET THERES AN INSANE LACK OF GRAHAM ANGST IN THE COMMUNITY?

[nomairuins]

its so embarassing likee. going to talk abt a feeling you have but you already know ppl will be like Oh that sounds like depression lol and its like. well yes . i know . trust me i am so aware i am depressed . but its still like a thing ive been thinking abt and wanting to talk abt but ik itll just be like Ok hun 👍. idk idk what response i would want tho ig FNFNFNF

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[bunnyboy-juice]

i think its so wild how ppl still try to make it seem like nonmonogamy is inherently smthn freeing and better than monogamy bc they see monogamy as the avenue for IPV and its like. oh buddy do i have news for you.

[mollyrocker]

HI HIIII i love ur inanimate insanity kitties sm they made my DAY AHH!!!! I'm so curious abut ur lore ideas for them :) Particularly id love to hear about meeple!!! << definitely not a meeple fan. As well as ur take on 4s maybe? No pressure, I'm just very curious!!! :D ur little ii x wc combo is just so cool 2 me

Heres 4s! Aka Ruby-Red

This name was assigned by the scientists in relation to Lapis-Blue his assigned sibling

I feel like his warrior name wouldve been like Redwood or smth

Below is more talk on lore stuff i kinda have figured out sorry its not alot

wanna keep this short and sweet since honestly i dont have very much to go off abt the whole lore in general, im also kinda just allowing the new episodes to come along and play itself out for me so ill probably start lore building to make it more wc adjacent when S2 of ii is over just so im not all over the place

For now, i base Meeple kinda on a made up factory/hospital to run 'scientific' tests by... real 'scientists', with cobs being kinda like their mascot + main cat in charge

Meanwhile cats like Lapis-Blue and Ruby-Red (Mephone4 and 4s) are the lab rats they turn into android feline monsters to make money off of from billionares secretly! Very illegal and dangerous! Cobs meanwhile has the cats scoping out and scavenging the city for metals and other scraps, while also trying to stay hidden in the shadows as best as possible, cobs kinda has his own personal thing going on ill probably talk about another day if ppl are interested enough but he uses these cats to an advantage since they see him as a god basically

Since Meeple is kiiinda hard to like make more warrior cat related given its LITERALLY Apple, I also went A LOT off inspirations such as Felidae and 'Putting the Dog to sleep' pmv which means a lottttt of surgery, yes sory mephones gets surgery and probably lobotomized daily

[kroosluvr]

hi!! as a fellow royal trio-truther ive been ADORING and loving your posts so much <3 you mentioned that you've like mentally re-wired shusumi so i was curious if you had a list of head-canons for how they develop in the game/post-game!! Im super curious to hear (: also any head-canons for the akesumi dynamic would be great bc I hate how little the game developed them together !!!

OMGGGGGGGGG HAYYYYYYYYYY ok so. first. look at this (idr if i posted this here already but if i did look again heh..)

ok now ill actually talk under the cut

note that some of this is headcanon territory bc i just be frolicking at this point

some backstory i fell in love w sumi as soon as her art was revealed i was like omfg peak design PEAKKKKKK i love her so much so i was really excited abt her but i feel like there were so many loose ends w her confidant and namely her crush on protag sometimes doing her a disservice (it turned ppl off from her (understandable bc i also dislike when writers make a female character out to be dependent on a male character) but also made other ppl weird abt her in the same breath....... shivers. people who overly-romanticize/sexualize mentally ill characters (especially girls/women) freak me out sorry

anyway that put me off frm p5 fandom for a hot minute. BUT regardless. i think people often focus on like "shy cute sadgirl kouhai crush-on-protag" for her which on top of atlus's.......mediocre handling of her also does her character a disservice... shes so multilayered!! she houses such insane convoluted levels of distress and fear and anger and reluctance and most of all STUBBORNNESS. i think her headstrong personality is not really emphasized in fandom but i can totally see it (maybe its just me but).

ok moving on to my shsm delusions i think to turn sumire's canon crush on its head i want to make them doomed to never get together. i think 3rd semester is so tense and high-emotion that royal trio are so deeply intertwined w each other:

like they all are mildly-to-a-lot suicidal so they hold onto each other so tightly to make sure none of them spirals and does anything bad. i think in the end they just want the other two to be Okay, even if they themself doesn't. if the other two are ok, then it's all good.

ok back to shsm LMAO i think seeing their relationship as like an odd high-emotion situation makes sense. they love each other, obviously, and provide each other comfort, but the idea of a relationship slips thru their fingers like water. is that right...? is that how it is? like i said up there they just crumble under the weight of their own love. tldr theyre in no place to "date" each other........ but they have their "almost." they're inseparable, they love spending time with each other, but knowing in the back of their heads that it won't last, and they'll have to leave it be one day. "sometimes when i really love someone i leave them alone forever." peak shsm to me. "let's run away together - but what if it's not enough? what if all of this fear and sadness still stays? i take a man down to the river and he throws away his sadness but hes still left with his hands, he's still left with the river (paraphrased richard siken). peak shsm to me. i think they try to treat eachother so softly and gently that it fucks it all up, actually. peak shsm to me. it's not codependency in the sense that theyre not trying to save each other - they're just trying to salvage out some love from it all. all of these terrible things that happened: there's still love, right? there's still love. but the pain can't all be sifted out, and everything still hurts. but they still love. (they just don't date or even talk to each other much after graduating and i think they talk to akechi but to each other its suddenly COMPLICATED. i hate these guys)

ironically i think if you throw akechi in the mix it stabilizes out and i think shuakesumi could totally have a happy married ending. but shsm as a pair i dont see endgame for them. peak for me is that theyre in love and then they spend the rest of their lives trying to forget each other (they don't)

(If this sounds ridiculous and stupid im sorry. i just like shoving too-many-emotions onto my favs sometimes (a lot of the time))

IN REGARDS TO AKESUMI i think my latest 2 comics describe how i feel abt them pretty well!!! link 1 and link 2. actually i think akesumi's friendship is a great way for me to explore how i see/portray/feel about sumire, because i see them as way more similar than the game pays attention to. they're both stuck in their ways: sumire in her cowardice, hiding from the incident and refusing to move on, and akechi entrenched in his own traumas and feeling like he doesn't deserve more than that. their self-hatred manifests in two opposite ways but its very similar at the core. they both like. have no fucking clue what they're doing in terms of handling their pasts so that's why i think them working together to get around their own respective traumas is so fascinating: akechi is terrible at it, pushing sumire too far, but at the same time that perspective is something that she needs. meanwhile, her sensitive and observant personality shows akechi that like, you can have This too: a soft, good love. to have someone care about you unconditionally, so gently. you deserve that, too. yeah i can explode my head off now

i did not proofread this.

[yingyoyingsh]

Since poolverine has been getting everywhere it made get biggy brainrot and me thinking abt analysis on how Wade and Logan work so well but are SO SO UNHEALTHILY mentally ill they need therapy and I mean actual therapy

More on below

Tw: sensitive topic

It's just so funny and depressing

How they're literally two people that have similar circumstances and a similar curse as well. Like if we somehow remove all the comedy and hit soundtrack from deadpool movies. He literally attempted sewerslide on screen????????????,,,,,,,,,?????? Like?????????? How is no one talking about how seriously effed up that is to make this a joke but wade does the walk the talk thing?????????????

Logan man ✋😩 Im not. He literally fits the candidate for idc I'm throwing my life away like while wade deals with the shiz with unhealthy humor he just gets angry. He literally is a good example of those people who could die off in a ditch if he didn't have super healing.

Like I guess that's common with anyone who's found some kind of relief with substance abuse in general 😭 but he just deals with everything by getting mad angry and telling everyone to fuck off like a rabid animal. And he has superhuman strength.

So now comes my point if they end up together it becomes a cycle of "I can make him worse" with the "your freak matches my freak"

Since wade is so graciously taking everything as a joke (even with dangerous injuries) and Logan (in the back of his head) has problems with substance abuse (and literally not even kidding how bad this is actually because of u stop joking abt substance abuse there's a reason why he should probably attend those alcoholic support groups)

Like where does the line end at "too much" bruh.

So one needs to make a fic about them working through this kinda shiz like maaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn 👁️👁️ they live together so they'll eventually have to talk about the big elephant in the room. Like god Al just has to sit through 5 seasons of this before they get actual therapy.

Like think about it

If they were regular ppl they would've been admitted in the ward and classified as criminally insane 😩 man they're just little freaks I love them

Good thing they're not regular ppl. But lbr would Logan go back to being "The wolverine" the movie didn't adress that hidden dark asf secret wel nor resolved it. Dp3 didn't also do much for Wade's insecurity to "good enough" for people to notice him nor his sewerslide joke tendencie. Logan also mentioned he didn't feel like he was good enough for the SUIT. Like man insecurities after one another. Like bro someone needs to.help them

Like man 👁️👁️god they're such a perfect match of fucked up. Like PLEASE. I NEED them helping each other. With both of their issues.

[cosmicarcanist]

insane to me that the trend on tumblr now is not only to not say anything in the tags on art but to genuinely not interact w it because some assholes ruined it for everyone and made ppl too scared

heres the thing: you cant possibly know if every single piece of art u come across that the op has dni and that u cross that. Frankly? i think dnis in general are terrible (not to mention completely ineffective) but dont be hard on YOURSELF because YOU didnt know and just wanted to share and gush over someones art

if someone genuinely has a problem with you sharing that art and interacting, thats on THEM. they can live their sad little life of always assuming the worst of people and never wanting to interact with anyone, but dont let the people that get offended you liked their art (or worse: screenshot your tags to be an asshole) make YOU stop interacting with people. Those people are miserable and want to make everyone miserable too

ive been on tumblr for ages. i miss when ppl talked and gushed in tags. Whenever i do get someone talking abt my art in the tags i love it! I screenshot my favourite ones and save it in a little folder for when im feeling really down about my art to remind myself someone out there loved it enough to type something out in the tags

dont let weirdos online that have their brains terminally rot by social media stop you from interacting and connecting with others and just getting to share a little kindness. The world needs more of that

[beesmygod]

i know an anon suggested ocd to you the other day, and i didn't see the original message but i know it was a bit fraught. but i am a longtime follower who has ocd who also thinks you may have ocd. and with the reblog you just did i'm like well, maybe i can say a little bit.

i've been sitting on sending a message for a long time because (1) trying to diagnose someone on anon is so fucking weird, i am very aware and ashamed of this weirdness in sending this to you, don't worry, (2) it seemed so obvious to me and you've already talked about other mental health issues and such that i was like "no, surely she must already know she has ocd and is just choosing not to talk about it (completely understandable, i don't do it on main), and then i would also be weird for forcing her to out herself".

the thing with morality-adjacent ocd is that a lot of the base thoughts, in a vacuum, are fine. if you hurt somebody some level of shame is good so you can reflect and correct your behaviour. caring about doing the right thing and refusing to do things that violate your principles is good. it's the intensity and all-consumingness of the thoughts that is the problem.

i mean i say morality but it applies to other ocd too. you should wash your hands and keep your place clean as much as you can, but obsessively avoiding contamination by washing your hands for half an hour straight... etc. it's ultimately egodystonic - it takes the thing you hate the idea of the most and convinces you that is what you really are.

like you are genuinely an admirably principled person, more than many, and it's good that you do the right thing instead of the easy thing. but your anguish about like, not contributing enough good to the world as a comics artist and things like that screams morality ocd self-punishment to me... and repeatedly talking about it feels like a confession compulsion. which i also have, kind of! i feel the compulsion *to* confess, but i don't, because if anyone forgave me or told me it wasn't a big deal they obviously haven't formed a sound judgment because (1) they are morally depraved themselves, (2) i didn't explain myself properly and they didn't understand why it's bad, (3) they're my friend and being more permissive with me because they like me, so they're too biased.

this was long, sorry. but you're a good artist and i like your work and i hate seeing you suffer like this. and if you really don't have ocd, well, i'm just another weirdo armchair psychologist anon vanishing into the void.

i appreciate this and thank you for being kind+brave enough to send this while medication juggling is really making me insane new ways. i have not been diagnosed w/ocd and only started kicking the idea around not too long ago when cornered by the inescapable nature of my thoughts/feeling, the fact that no one understands what the hell i'm ever talking about, and seeing signs of it in someone else very close to me. and i guess incidentally learning more about how it develops/is treated.

lol your bit abt internally responding to how ppl try to comfort your "confessions" rings very true. i never thought of my posts as confessions but like im desperately trying to get a hold on a reality that makes sense to me because when reality doesnt make sense, it feels perilous and fleeting. like, doesnt anyone else feel like this? why am i the only one who sees this? how am i supposed to understand what i'm supposed to be doing to live a life that isnt equivalent to a sewage drain that empties out into people's houses if i cant even understand whats happening?

[zeephyre]

CR3 EPISODE 78 SPOILERS

god. i love this fucking campaign. this one's gonna be long as shit.

despite how genuinely depressing this episode was, it also made me really giddy because i love hurt/comfort and there's no point of that if there's no hurt or angst.

im probably gonna go down the line with each member of bells hells, discussing what i can remember off the top of my head, i hope i don't forget anything in my rambles cause this was one of my FAVORITE episodes of the whole campaign and that's saying something.

i love ashton. i have loved ashton the most since the very beginning and for a lot of it i was really worried that ashton was deliberating running from opening up with bells hells while also going out of their way to have one-to-one convos with different members that were deep and insightful but never went as far as they needed to.

i am projecting a bit with analysis of ashton but taliesin does it best when rp'ing for ash and generally talking abt him in interviews. ashton reminds me of myself, which is not a compliment and is actually really terrible. ironically enough, ashton said the same thing abt fcg. i have spent a lot of time hurting myself by sabotaging the things i love, or embracing the worse parts of myself simply because it's become habit. there's always going to be a piece of you that finds the sadness, anger, guilt, emptiness, whatever -- comforting because it's all you've known.

ashton mourns a life that he never lived. i find myself mourning versions of myself that i would hate but still...yearn for them like an itch or an ache that comes from hurt. ashton wanted their family back, in whatever desperate, corrupted way he felt he should have done it, and hearing how he described feeling like he looked past the cautionary tale simply because he thought the pain they caused him should have meant something else made me think of imogen.

beautiful, sweet, powerful, dangerous, sad imogen temult. i won't comment on how everyone berated ashton because that's not really surprising nor was anything imogen said or did pertaining to ash shocking whatsoever. but... there's smth abt the destruction that ashton did to feel close to the idea of a family that doesn't really exist that just parallels so well with the fight that imogen has been undergoing since childhood. against the red storm, now against the call of ruidus, and the temptation and attachment she felt and still feels to her mother, despite everything liliana has done that jeopardizes everything imogen is fighting for.

abandoned by her mother, shunned by her own town, ignored and feared by her father.

going back to ashton again, there's smth to be said abt the guilt and shame that comes from making horrible choices that put yourself and the ppl you love in danger that forever changes the way they perceive you. I've done it. i had to fight to make things better. it can't be enough to love someone enough that would die for them, you have to fight to stay alive. if not even for yourself, for THEM.

i know it can be unhealthy to rely on others so much, but it's certainly not easy to fight for yourself when the foundation isn't there. learning how to love without throwing yourself on a blade is more important than self sufficiency. that comes afterwards.

i...don't like laudna's reliance on delilah briarwood this episode. i... there's smth very ironic about laudna being worried abt ashton's betrayal and the way he hurt her and the others with his deception and selfishness, coupled with my understanding of the absolute fucking insane, borderline stupid danger of even SPEAKING to delilah briarwood, let alone working WITH her.

i think it's hypocritical, but i don't feel any animosity towards laudna. just..sadness. delilah is a parasite. a disgusting, cruel, evil bitch who wants laudna to be... that weak little girl easily crushed under her thumb. she may preach abt laudna's latent power and potential, but laudna won't serve her purpose if she TRULY gains the strength to cast delilah aside forever. i don't think delilah was telling the truth abt their fates last episode, and that's why i so deeply want laudna to toss aside that defeatist mindset that has only gotten worse since episode one. maybe im wrong, maybe delilah was actually being genuine.

i kept watching imogens/laura's face during laudna's moments speaking with delilah alone, and it just made me sad because she didn't need to be alone. she had imogen, but she still felt the need to run and hide away. god i just want her to be happy.

i really liked the doll she made for ashton, even though delilah made it really creepy for no reason, the dramatic cunt she is. her assessment of ashton as being a child may seem rude or even a projection but to me it's the truth. ashton has not grown past his childhood. past abandonment and pain and mistrust and love that never lasts and always hurts. that shit followed them to adulthood and anyone who has any number of mental illnesses and childhood trauma will tell you that it's so easy to feel yourself stuck as a reactive, stubborn, bitter little kid trapped in a shitty cycle of pain. both ashton and laudna this episode felt like they were both broken, sad children interacting. laudna clinging to comfort from delilah, hiding away, mentally reverting to the person she was the last time she was in whitestone. ashton, clinging to his lost childhood and the acceptance of laudna's doll, the admittance that they'd never had a doll before. god... they're so sad, im gonna scream.

fcg apologizing for forcing faith down ashtons throat was sweet and so was ashton apologizing for being so bitter abt fcg's faith. now i just need fcg to apologize for the multiple instances where he put laudna in danger by casting turn undead with no acknowledgement of laudna afterwards.

fcg saying that ashton didn't love anyone or care about anyone hurt me a bit, because while i understood why they were saying those things, it was so... obviously untrue. before all of this, ashton has shown again and again and again how much he loves bells hells, and especially fcg. i know that ashton almost dying over smth so arrogant, desperate and foolish would make anyone question what someone's idea of "love" is, but still. it stung. maybe because i have been there. i know what it's like to be doubted and mistrusted because you ruined smth good callously and carelessly.

chetney... chetney really loves fearne. i don't care if y'all don't get it or if y'all still think chet is some joke character with no substance, I never understood that shit and i simply never will. chet and fearne probably have the best relationship in all of bells' hells -- and yes, that includes imogen and laudna because god knows those two have shit brewing under the surface that needs to be HANDLED, i.e: laudna being defeatist abt their relationship even tho it's barely begun.

chetney's a good man. him going after fearne was the best choice and im glad he gave her a couple laughs before she went off to wander. he cares about her so much, and he BELIEVES in her so much, and i love them. i LOVED the way he went in on ashton. hurting fearne by making a shitty decision and letting her bear the burden of watching ashton die right in front of her was... bad. it is very complicated but, that's pretty cut and dry.

i like him testing ashton again and again. telling him to leave but also being glad they chose to be brave and stay, and face the consequences of their actions. attacking ashton to see what all of any of that shit was even for. (im a little bummed that the shard didn't fully wake up yet but...i love the suspense im just impatient).

FEARNE. CALLOWAY. i love fearne, and i love the breakdown during the first part of the episode. it was such a raw moment and it established the tone of the episode so quickly. im glad that fearne knows that while ashton fucked up royally, her rejecting of the shard and complacence in ashton's plans was also royally stupid. i don't think her being terrified of taking the shard is bad or stupid, it's actually one of my favorite fearne character choices. no one ever actually asked her WHY she didn't want it, and when she said she didn't want it, it was still decided by the hells that the shard would go to fearne. (they're very shit at communication, poor babies). im happy that she specifically clarified that ashton did not threaten or manipulate her (plus he gave her many opportunities to not be involved with his bullshit if it made her uncomfy so im hoping the insane critters who keep treating ashton like some evil, predatory person finally stfu).

fearne being so scared of a version of herself that was sad, lonely, and "evil" to the point that she chose to believe that it was ashton's destiny to take in both shards is so... so rich. i hope she talks about that more in the next episode because i don't think she's EVER brought it up since exu. i don't think the shard would change fearne's personality but god the fact that SHE is so afraid of herself and what she's capable of.... AHHHH. love this damn party.

i hope liam knows that expect really painful roleplaying from him when he comes back cause i really do need ashton and orym interactions like i need air.

the choice to go to the fey realm was brilliant and i missed nana morri so it's a win for me. bells hells COULD have done what they've been doing for a while now, which is ignoring the pain they're all feeling and pushing forward, but ashton doing what they did was the straw that broke the camel's back and im GLAD because i have been begging them all to have real conversations with each other that don't get cut short prematurely for whatever reason.

i do hope that they do really lean into the self care aspect involving therapy and talking through their issues with ALL of the members present or even in groups, and it isn't just fun and games. they're prone to distraction. i love my little guys.

:( two weeks without bells hells. is it thursday, yet???

[gwensy]

ALSO. ppl talk abt murderdock meeting his 616 variant and having to reckon w the fact that if his life had gone a just a lil differently he wouldve been a hero instead of a fucked up little freak and while that is compelling i more often think of gwen meeting his 616 variant like imagine having to reckon w the fact that the guy who ruined ur life could have been a genuine ally and friend and not an evil freak if the trajectory of his life had gone just a little different. having to reckon w the fact that hes human. that despite his humanity this is how things have ended up for them and she cant change it. its too late for them. they make me sick to my stomach but anyway imagine gwen when shes prison roomies w murdock and her father comes to visit him for a conjugal visit would that be fucked up or what

anon im gonna give u a restraining order btw (silly)

UUGGHHH MY FRIEND BROUGHT UP THE FIRST THING IT MAKES ME FUCKING INSANE but oh my god gwen meeting 616 matt. that paired with the fact that every other universe's gwen stacy is destined for tragedy, she's called ghost-spider to commemorate every other version of herself that had to die for another person's storyline, she's the one variant of gwen stacy that wasn't turned into someone else's sacrificial lamb and yet her being the survivor in that cycle resulted in peter having to die, her universe's frank castle is a distraught weapon of war, shield and silk are im shambles, harry osborne is a monster driven by grief, there's no way she doesn't already feel a level of guilt over her being the only one destined with being good, how do you think she'll react to finding out her version of matt murdock is the one that turned out rotted and irredeemable with a past that could've been prevented and construed into something better than what it turned out to be? how do you think she'll feel knowing that she was born into the one universe where her version of matt murdock begs for her to kill him? maybe they both have their reasons not to seek out different variants of each other, in gwen stacy's eyes she's the most helpful when she's an island and funnily enough murdock is the same way so hand in unlovable hand or something

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[liauditore]

Thought I might say hello and make some small talk, seeing that I'm camping on your trafficshipping tag and all.

Well hi! Lovely place you've got here. Fantastic art, GREAT vibes, very nice. I'm specially enjoying your character rambling; your takes on them are super interesting and they tickle my brain 👀

May I send Divorce Fource/Quartet and Majorwood for the shipping bingo? Divorce Fource were a right mess (affectionate <3) and a perfect one at that, but I can't help but wonder how the recipe would have turned out if the soul ties were Cleo-Pearl, Martyn-Scott.

Also there is so much potential in Limlife Majorwood for eroguro if you're nasty. Which I am. Time cannibalism, respawning mechanics, birthday time... blender go brrrr 👀

!!!!!!!

y'all are really enabling my habit of long ass posts huh 😭😭

OK SO first off thankyou so much?? thats so sweet?????? 😭😭 i really don't think my character ramblings are anything special, but i like reading other ppls insane takes so i thought i'd provide others with the same 👍

not to get too into it but i feel like a series like life smp is best enjoyed with your own crazy delulu takes (similar to touhou if anyone heres familiar w/ that fandom). and it makes me kinda sad to see ppl arguing abt whats 'canon' or 'correct' cus that's no fun lol

ANYWAY yeah uh im glad u like the vibes!! :J

TREEBARK

this one first cus chronology. I honestly don't know if there's anything I can say here that hasn't been said before? But yeah they're. tasty. something about martyn waiting the entirety of third life to betray ren and never getting the chance and now longing to have him back. lots of regret but regret. for what. yknow. and ren always looking out for martyn even from a distance. and then martyn losing that connection in limlife.

yeah i can see why people ship lmao

uhh i don't really know what else to write here so have some of my insane ramblings copy+pasted from my shipping doc 👍

Martyn fancies himself a schemer, someone who's not afraid to play the game the way it's intended. If that means earning a powerful ally's trust only to shatter it then he was going to do it. Only, Martyn's bark is worse than his bite, and every night he spends in lying awake in those soft, warm sheets that Ren had laid out just for him (freshly washed too, he might add. Smelled like sunshine) he wonders if he can do it. He can, of course. (he can't. he won't. he's too soft. soft and useless.) He'd cut his head off already. (he wants to vomit) (this is why no one needs you. wants you. loves you) Who cares about other people anyway? He is the only one who really matters. (the thought of being alone makes him want to cry) Ren, on the other hand, is a capable leader. The definition of loyal and dependable, if not a bit dramatic. He struggles with self-worth, being good enough, useful enough, powerful enough. But to others, he's the opposite, caring and protective of any who would ask for his aid. After all, every citizen deserves to live in safety and comfort, and providing that is what a good King would do. ~ Martyn's not as sneaky as he thinks he is. Ren knows. Ren sees the signs. It's a death game for a reason. But he doesn't let Martyn know. He doesn't even hold it against him. He doesn't see the bloodthirst anymore, only the broken pieces lying underneath. ~ or the King's Hand, it was the thrill of feeling Useful, Powerful, Feared (loved). He was going to miss it after he betrayed him, the high of bloodlust, the smell in the air as he charged into battle. (the way his hands held him so gently) For the King himself, deep down he knew it was never to be. He had met a monster, but he hoped his efforts calmed the storm ever so slightly. On some days, he pretends to forget about the death game entirely and imagines the speech he'd give to retire his Hand. "You don't have to fight anymore," he'd say, "I'll take care of you from now on, I promise. So put the sword down, okay?" But in the end, it was all a fantasy, wasn't it?

^ yes this is so cheesy but so are they.

Cry with me again Smile with me again Scream with me again Sing with me again Dance with me again Talk to me again…

"Lower One's Eyes" (Oktavia translyrics)

MAJORWOOD

I think.. I talk too much abt scott seeing as that's who everyone points out when it comes to my headcanons 😭😭 but uh i swear everyone else is just as messed up. and martyn is like. just as bad if not worse (if that wasn't made clear from my ramblings before)

anyway uh say it with me rebound 👏 relationship 👏

i think they're both.. very numb to it all once limlife rolls around. they're just tired and have this mutual understanding and both think they're horrible people. martyn just wants to play the game. scott doesn't even know what he wants anymore.

but ofc, they're both still human and want love and comfort, so they try to seek that from one another. even if it's fake. even if it doesn't matter in the end.

Baby, though I've closed my eyes I know who you pretend I am I know who you pretend I am

Washing Machine Heart (Mitski)

We’re the Delusioned Victim Cash-in Union Praise to the “love” that will bring salvation!  Two fools singing to a shallow melody Restart, reflation, teleportation Time and again we’re stuck in rotation Circles inside a love without any ending

MKDR (SirHamnet Lyrics)

Scott uses Martyn as a replacement for Jimmy and Martyn uses Scott as a replacement for Ren. they know they dislike eachother (see: all of double life) and that only one of them will make it out alive. but they can't get that love and comfort from anyone else now.

also uhhh eroguro my beloved...... im assuming this is getting brought up cus of my mentions of loving eroguro in the past. and yes to all of that very much i agree. but i do have kind of.. a limit to what i do w/ these characters specifically because of the fandom/ccs (at least publicly). if i ever do decide to share the nastier stuff in my head or go into detail on gore and whatnot i'd probs make a sideblog and tuck it away and maybe block scott and martyn for always somehow showing up on my posts lmao

[explorevenus]

NOOOO VEN OMG😭

imagine current leon trying to be your daddy boyfriend and maybe hinting at it a few times too much in one day but you just plainly reject him in broad daylight, telling him nervously that the age gap between you both slightly worries you (slight would be an understatement. the man is nearly, if not the same age as your parents! does his dick still work even?!) and mr. kennedy’s stomach drops and you frantically reassure him his slight wrinkles are very sexy, yes, he is a very attractive man, but he’s an old man! said old man pouts and crosses his arms. being together isn’t that bad -- so what if he‘s in his 40s? he doesn’t give a damn about people seeing you together! he‘s got guns on his hips, and fists. he doesn’t need violence to protect you from whatever, either, he reassures you. he just wants you, the prettiest little thing :( just wants to take you out to spend cash on, tuck in bed, drive out with in his car -- he’d even let you pick the music! just please give this old man a chance -- he’ll treat you so good, he promises -- please, sweet thing :(

(leon talking abt himself in third person grrr he drives me crazy GREAGFGHR DO HB GO NHUJTFGJK pls take tgus offering im so insane abt him. He consumes my waking thoughts)

STOPPPPPPPPPPPP BECAUSE OLDER BF/SUGAR DADDY LEON IS MY LIFE BLOOD

i need him to keep me on his arm like candy everywhere he goes while he's so proud as ppl stare at us bc the age difference is just that obvious and we're both so well dressed and it's so starkly obvious that i haven't paid a single dime for anything as long as i've had him. i want him to flirt with me in public and make me blush and squirm and make fun of me for being so easily flustered by a man old enough to be my father. i want him to rail the absolute FUCK OUT OF ME while i'm babbling and crying and he's grunting in my ear about how good of a girl i'm being for him, earning each and every cent he'll ever spend on me, making him feel so good and so young again while he caters to my every whim in exchange for little more than my own time and affection. i want him to smirk when he notices other people my age checking me out in public because he knows those losers have nothing on him, nothing they could possibly offer that would make me choose them over him, because he's so wealthy and infatuated with me and because he's older he has so much more experience and knows more about my body than anyone else could ever dream of

GOD I NEED HIM SO BAD. FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

also hi qinny i missed u ;w;

[starfxkrinc]

Okay wait I just found ur account and I have to ask do you like Elaine and Rudy other then him not hanging with the cast cause they all hang with Madison I feel like they are not healthy the way they are always together like since the start he’s always just with her and it’s not even just like the cast if he’s with any of his friends she’s with him like something about them is so off to me also her being racist and all the news outlets getting everything wrong about why people were calling her out in 2021 and the way she still talks to fans etc is insane to me like give Rudy back to jd and his family im tired of seeing jd and Mariah hang out

i dont like elaine but i also dont blame her or drag her for shit she didnt do i crack my jokes yes but theres times where i hear abt shit rudy did to her and i will out and out say hes a fucking dickhead and hes in the wrong like the thing abt me is that like…im fair and i work based on the info i have. when im presented with new information im not stubborn enough to hold onto past opinions.

i never had much of a clue abt 070 shake and kehlani ledè depps relationship other than the shady shit they would do which left a bad taste in my mouth and i didnt care for. but back before i knew how nasty of a lady madison really is my opinion was basically she cant act she cant sing but shes pretty so she’ll make it out somehow but i was p neutral on her. again this is back when i thought the beef was on equal playing field.

but seeing as though well madison torments the crew…and him (which is nuts bc lemme say this as someone whos worked on sets before if a nasty person is treating you worse that crew members it rlly is anxiety inducing) and her gf also being weird by taking money from fans and madison herself being weird about dark skin black girls its rlly no good ppl in this fight

[sablebrand]

not suicide again. we're on a roll

ive been rly thinkin abt Shit and trying to understand what tf my problem is lately and i made an apt to get an official depression+anxiety dx and i wanna ask abt. personality disorders. bt

like the. loneliness stuff and feeling like i could handle/want a relationship (romantic or platonic. its complicated fr me. i appreciate those codependent homoerotic friendships a lot) and yhen like im Talking to ppl i did make some friends bt its like its just Not Doing It. its helping stave off madness bt its not satisfying me... and its so frustrating cz i know itll only go away when i find someone i Really connect with and can be as intense as i want around, nd doesnt mind my shit awful personality. and the chances of that happening are ummmm quite low! ive had it in the past w a few ppl, nothing was ever perfect bt it was enough, bt none of them ever stayed. or ig didnt. treat it as serious as i did. im not gonna get that ever again... so now instead of feeling nothing i have to sit here unsatisfied and unhappy and alone even tho i Am talking to ppl coz my brain cant just accept them instead. like everything has to be 100 on the dial. full intensity or i dont care. ughh. ofc i also want it to be another dude. ths might sound insane bt most of my life ive been friends w girls and i am soo so so so in love w men in general i wanna be around more dudes... masculinity i am madly in love with u.