#not enough i say
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the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again
#yeehaw#1k#5k#10k#posts that got cursed. blasted. im making these tag updates after... 19 hours?#also i have been told it should say speech loss bc nonverbal specifically refers to the permanent state. did not know that!#unfortunately i fear it is so far past containment that even if i edited it now it would do very little. but noted for future reference#edit 2: nvm enough ppl have come to rb it from me directly that i changed the wording a bit. hopefully this makes sense#also. in case anyone is curious. though i doubt anyone who is commenting these things will check the original tags#1) my friend did not do this on purpose in any way. it was not intended to distract me or to hit on me. im a lesbian hes a gay man. cmon now#he felt very bad about it afterwards. i thought it was hilarious but it was very embarrassed and apologetic#2) “why didn't he use 🫵🏼?” didn't exist yet. “why didn't he use 🆗?” dunno! we'd been using a lot of hand emojis. 👌🏼 is an ok sign#like it makes sense. it was just a silly mixup. also No i did not invent 👉🏼👌🏼 as a gesture meaning sex. do you live under a rock#3) nonspeaking episodes are a recurring thing in my life and have been since i was born. this is not a quirky one-time thing#it is a pervasive issue that is very frustrating to both myself and the people i am trying to communicate with. in which trying to speak is#extremely distressing and causes very genuine anguish. this post is not me making light of it it's just a funny thing that happened once#it's no different than if i post about a funny thing that happened in conjunction w a physical disability. it's just me talking abt my life#i don't mind character tags tho. those can be entertaining. i don't know what any of you are talking about#Except the ppl who have said this is pego/ryu or wang/xian. those people i understand and respect#if you use it as a writing prompt that's fine but send it to me. i want to see it#aaaand i think that's it. everyday im tempted to turn off rbs on it. it hasn't even been a week
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hey is it okay if i eat my nature valley oats and honey granola bar here. yeah its the kind that comes as a two pack and immediately disintegrates into millions of annoying crumbs. its okay my ants that follow me everywhere will eat them. youll have ants now though.
#txt#i think its been long enough we can turn reblogs back on. saying this august 13 lets hope i dont have hell on notes technique again#nevermind september 3 and my notes are annoying again -_-
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locked the fuck back in
#gets home from s1 watchparty immediately breaks out csp like i HAVE to draw them kissing#because s1 DID NOT HAVE ENOUGH OF IT. some might say it didn't have ANY#my art#arcane#jayvik#jayce talis#viktor arcane#havent gotten to s2 yet due to scheduling constraints. but it's been very funny seeing the vikjayce scene get resuscitated in my notifs#got ao3 notifs from writers i literally haven't seen since 2022
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I don't see people gas up gnc and butch transfems nearly enough, can we get a fuckin round of applause for gnc and butch transfems
#spitblaze says things#transgender#transfem#mtf#several very good friends of mine are butch/gnc transfems and they both rule immensely#also theres just not enough appreciation for butch/gnc women generally but especially not transfem ones#not to do performative activism while having a post about not being a performative activist going around#i just wanna shout out a group that i feel is often overlooked#doin numbers
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this is just my opinion but i think any good media needs obsession behind it. it needs passion, the kind of passion that's no longer "gentle scented candle" and is now "oh shit the house caught on fire". it needs a creator that's biting the floorboards and gnawing the story off their skin. creators are supposed to be wild animals. they are supposed to want to tell a story with the ferocity of eating a good stone fruit while standing over the sink. the same protective, strange instinct as being 7 and making mud potions in pink teacups: you gotta get weird with it.
good media needs unhinged, googling-at-midnight kind of energy. it needs "what kind of seams are invented on this planet" energy and "im just gonna trust the audience to roll with me about this" energy. it needs one person (at least) screaming into the void with so much drive and energy that it forces the story to be real.
sometimes people are baffled when fanfic has some stunning jaw-dropping tattoo-it-on-you lines. and i'm like - well, i don't go here, but that makes sense to me. of fucking course people who have this amount of passion are going to create something good. they moved from a place of genuine love and enjoyment.
so yeah, duh! saturday cartoons have banger lines. random street art is sometimes the most precious heart-wrenching shit you've ever seen. someone singing on tiktok ends up creating your next favorite song. youtubers are giving us 5 hours of carefully researched content. all of this is the impossible equation to latestage capitalism. like, you can't force something to be good. AI cannot make it good. no amount of focus-group testing or market research. what makes a story worth listening to is that someone cares so much about telling it - through dance, art, music, whatever it takes - that they are just a little unhinged about it.
one time my friend told me he stayed up all night researching how many ways there are to peel an orange. he wrote me a poem that made me cry on public transportation. the love came through it like pith, you know? the words all came apart in my hands. it tasted like breakfast.
#warm up#writeblr#actually this is because again i don't go here#i don't read/write fanfic but i have nothing but respect for my troops#but i also have never played minecraft. im sorry. please ask me any question about pokemon tho i love that shit#anyway#out of some banal and thoughtless curiosity i watched the minecraft movie trailer#and again i know nothing about minecraft. i am aware im in an endangered population#but im watching this going: this is so fucking.... BAD#there is NO LOVE in it!#like if someone who has NO history in minecraft watches that and is like - ohhh this is soulless#WHO IS THE AUDIENCE????#ppl who love minecraft are gonna hate it!!!#at some point it's the ''mean girls musical movie'' problem --#some people will always hate the premise of what you're doing and some people will love it#make it for the ppl who love it#and usually that somewhat convinces the haters to like. chill enough to TRY it . bc it IS good#but when you try to make it for the haters..... nobody likes it. it doesn't have passion. energy. footwork#which is a small way of saying a big thing: if you love something. fucking make it and assume someone will love it too.#i love u . be brave . be bold. be in boston and come to my reading#where i wrote a really weird fucked up little book.#love u love u love u etc
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Macaque spent the whole season Big-Damn-Hero-ing and was NOT happy about it xD
#lmk season 5 spoilers#lmk spoilers#lmk season 5#lego monkie kid#lmk#macaque#liu'er mihou#six eared macaque#sun wukong#monkey king#qi xiaotian#mk#li jing#anyone else find it interesting that in english the 'macaque' part of his name comes first#but in chinese the 'six-ears' part comes first? so the way he's called by name in the different dubs has slightly different vibes#i can't quantify 'em tho :/ am not a vibeologist#Macaque was this season's biggest GOAT#like he's very petty about it but he cares about mk and swk SO. MUCH.#(well ok the petty is mostly aimed at swk)#which: fair#POV: everything is going to shit and you are currently the only celestial monkey NOT being re-traumatized or gaslight by celestial beings#macaque's gonna start rolling up to beach parties with a shirt that says:#I Saved The Monkey King's Arse Several Times And All I Got Was An Almost-Hand-Holding-Moment And This Stupid Shirt#MK NOOOOOOOOO#im a fucking wreck that's their KID. he's their BOY. their little BRO HE'S THEIR KID OKAY AND THEY LOVE HIM ENOUGH TO FISTFIGHT THE GODS#which i guess is a little easier since they can win those fights actually#not explicitly shadowpeach#but oh it is there. lurking. waiting to strike#lion king reference! :D
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reflection
#anyways so i think samus has major survivors guilt and is a super perfectionist. The type of girl who reimagines scenarios in her mind#And thinks about how she could have done better. like ‘if i had woken up sooner maybe i could have saved everyone in prime 3’#so i think she says she doesnt know anything about herself because shes so hypercritical of her actions she doesnt see herself as a person#while also her hyper critical-ness shows how she says she wants to ignore herself but she literally cant because she has so many criticisms#oh i wanted to include the ppl from the prime 2 manga in that one shot but was like ‘i dont think ppl will recognize them’.#also lol the existence of dark samus would fuck her up SOOOO bad like it only exists bc she exists & its responsible for the gang’s deaths#okay im done rambling tldr MENTAL ILLNESS.#metroid#samus aran#loneart#metroid dread#metroid prime#super metroid#metroid series#i dont wanna tag all the games. There just those games is enough#hall of fame#gray voice
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I feel like there are a lot of people out there who needs to hear this:
If you dropped out of school because of diagnosed (or undiagnosed) ADHD, Autism, ADD, OCD, Dyslexia, Anxiety, Depression, Bipolar disorder, psychotic disorders, schizophrenia etc… You did not fail. The education system failed you.
#neurodiverse stuff#i cannot say this enough#neurodivergent#actually adhd#adhd problems#autism#just autistic things#actually autistic#actually bpd#actually mentally ill#actually disabled#depressing shit#this gave me more emotional damage than my dad#i am going to rant#i am going insane#dropping out#school problems#send help#you can do this#you cannot convince me otherwise#you can't change my mind#you can do it#i believe in you#i believe in their healing powers#i believe in myself#academic assignments#assignmentwriting#assignment help#in this essay i will
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zany to me how these um actually nihilists like to pretend that "um actually love/friendship/cooperation/kindness isn't real bc we evolved that way to benefit ourselves as a species..." um YES? that's also where tool use comes from? that's where cooking comes from? am i supposed to think social bonds & tool use & cooking aren't "real" because they evolved over time instead of appearing fully formed from the ether?
sorry u can't enjoy things. im a superior being twirling a fork in my bowl of delicious noodles whilst staring in adoration at the world
#'love isn't real it's a chemical reaction'#hon i got news for u about chemical reactions and the nature of existence#'we evolved social bonds to benefit ourselves' so you agree?#you agree that social bonds are helpful and important enough that they literally shaped the history of human evolution?#i do not think u are saying. what u think u are saying.
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I don't know how strictly accurate this is, but one of the things I find shocking about watching historical dramas is how many people there are around all the time---according to Madame de... (1953) a well-off French household in the Belle Epoque maintains a workforce of at least 3, and the glittering opera has staff just to open doors. According to Shogun (2024) you can expect a deep bench just to mind your household, and again, people who exist to open doors.
Could people....not open doors in the past? Were doors tricky, before the standardization of hinges? Because otherwise, the wealthy used to pay a whole bunch of people to do it for them in multiple contexts, and I find myself baffled.
#I mean..........listen.#maybe people in the past had superfluous staff just to open doors. because of reasons.#fair enough! that made their lives easier. okay cool. making things easier is what money brings you. except....#there are many parts of my life that would be so much easier with support staff! dishes. vacuuming. grocery shopping.#doors though? opening and shutting doors???#can't say that's come up as a particular concern.#I feel aggressively stupid asking this question but also. why doors. someone dial up a 19th century fella and explain.
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more people gotta try this shit where bill has not improved and will not change but he's just chilling so its fine probably. its great
#gravity falls#billford#bill cipher#stanford pines#gf nevermind all that#is this really for that? no but if its post canon bill on earth then it may as well be. makes it nice and easy to find later too#reread tbob because we just got our own (nicely water damaged) copy and i was like. i dont draw him cute enough#i will continue trying to do better#anyways stanley you are a butch woman. stanley transition now you dont even have to do anything youre already perfect#its just about the intent#every time i drew him for the last one all i could think was oohhhhhh my god you are a dyke. to me. please#in other news are there any burned out pushing-30s out there who havent drawn in years? i gotta say. i really gotta say.#get mentally ill about something its great. preferably alongside a few other people that you can use to create a perpetual cycle of insanit#gets you drawing again in no time and it feels great
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Empurata!Prowl tries to actually communicate for the first time
What if he wants to say something but he can’t. What if he has no voice to speak, no face to emote, no hands to write. What if every attempt to communicate a message is essentially a puzzle of wit and creativity and yet, the first thing he goes through all these troubles for. Is to say “I love you”?
Don’t ask me how did they get in this room. I have no idea. They escaped the battlefield somehow haha
Next->
#maccadam#transformers#prowl#jazz#jazzprowl#empurata prowl#at first I thought hmmm well the guy like Prowl would probably say something practical#but then I realised that there isn’t anything more practical for him than feelings right now#because that one statement implies SO much. you know what I mean#it won’t let Jazz know if Prowl has his whole memory and personality and everything back#but it would let him know that hey#hey I feel. I feel and I’m being me enough to feel that I love you#the cold and logical shadowplayed machine would never start with this
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We’re haemorrhaging money on the groundskeeper, Jawbone!
Some of my favourite little bits. This is like the first time i fully color them ^.^ it was fun. Took wayy longer than it shouldve LOLL
#fantasy high#d20#fhjy#d20 fhjy#gorgug thistlespring#riz gukgak#fig faeth#kristen applebees#adaine o'shaughnessey#fabian seacaster#rizs vein is so special to be i better see everyone drawing it from now on#also god i love gorgug i was gonna include the bobby dawn but where he says just a regual freak but i didnt have enough spcae
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The books reveal that Ford is actually a secret partier
(Available as a print on my Etsy Shop)
(wips under cut)
#doctorsiren#gravity falls#the book of bill#billford#journal 3#stanford pines#bill cipher#jheselbraum the unswerving#gravity falls fanart#digital art#my art#procreate#RAHH MY LOVE FOR MAKING MIDCENTURY-STYLE ART AT TIMES CAME IN SUPER HANDY#I think I surprised myself here 😳#(also don’t take this as shipping him and Jhes 😭💀 that’s his space fish mom 😁)#in the book of bill. obviously he and bill get drunk that time#and then in the 3rd journal#it says that after Jhes told him he had the face of the man who would defeat bill (meaning stanley lmao)#he ‘was so excited’ that he and Jhes ‘spent the entire night partying and drinking cosmic sand’#it’s funny bc Jhes is described as speaking with a steely resolve and is very calm#so it’s silly to me to picture her partying haha#I might make this one a print as well bc I really love how it looks#I’ll print it out tomorrow and decide if it’ll work well enough :) if it does I’ll put it on my shop#😭 the bill…his thumb is backwards BUT THATS NOT MY FAULT THATS LITERALLY HOW IT IS IN THE BOOK OF BILL PAGE THAT I REFERENCEDTHIS FROM WAHH#he can do whatever he wants ig
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"Let us go together, my dear Consort eternal."
#ough finally finished it. or at least did enough that i feel like posting it as is lol#my art#my oc#oc art#elden ring#ranni the witch#ranni#lunar princess ranni#ER eloise#digital art#artists on tumblr#illustration#digital painting#elden ring tarnished#tarnished#the armor shes wearing is roughly based off of radahns armor. i say roughly bc i took artistic liberty to make it simpler to draw lol#wlw#sapphic#ranni x tarnished
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the easy grip on the knife. the leg over the seat. the hand over the other seat. the sassy "come get it" move. you know the bitch is smiling behind that mask even as he said the line.
#i can't believe i'm saying this#DEADPOOL CAN GET IT#Logan I'm sobbing I understand why you lunged at him#I would too bestie#it's the sass for me folks#paint that car white as much as they painted it red my god#a deadpool thirst post? from me? more likely than you'd think#this is a branch in realities i know it#i've never had Feelings for this motherfucker until this movie#all i'm left with is anger now because WHAT DOES HE WANT FROM ME#camera crew could have just made it landscape but noooooo they had to do a medium shot of this son of a bitch#i'm sending an especially affectionate fuck you in ryan reynolds' direction#i love how you love deadpool#deadpool#wolverine#deadpool and wolverine#wade wilson#logan howlett#poolverine#deadclaws#don't get me wrong i've always adored deadpool's personality. nobody's that hilarious and not have humongous balls i mean trauma.#but i've never went 'why he kinda' until this specific shot right here#@ camera crew why the fuck did you zoom in? WHY?#for me? well it's infuriating#do it again#gif is credit to the owner#30 tags aren't enough for me to dismantle how this shot made me feel. tumblr you gotta update#damn tumblr i'm tryna feed a village here#guys just find my other post
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