#not canon accurate for multiple reasons

[keii4ii]

one-winged Carlo

[fandomsandfairytales]

*currently mildly screaming because the timing of the Quenya ban in Beleriand is impacting what character names I'm using in my fic*

[kkuzushi]

hey! could you write genshin kinich + anemo boys when you go through their phone without them knowing because you think they're cheating/just wanted to check if theyre loyal but you end up finding nothing and they catch you? thank u eheheh

Anemo boys + Kinich catching you with their phone.ᐟ

⠀✦ cw : established relationship, fluff, hurt/comfort, self decapration, phone contents, genderneutral!reader, partially canon compliant – 3.7k words

⠀✦ additional notes : I’m not very familiar with Kinich yet but I did my best to portray him accurately! Reader is also seen as Lumine/Aether. Please don’t mind the timestamps as well. <3

. 𐙚 . ˙ 𖧧 ₊ ˚HEIZOUᝰ.ᐟ

Ah yes, your ever loving, doting boyfriend. Heizou is known for his natural charms and affectionate words—it’s one of the reasons why you fell for him in the first place. While the two of you have set boundaries, you often wonder if his romantic side is only seen by you. Swayed by temptation and curiosity, you decide to snoop through his phone while he’s in his study. Surely that’s enough for you to find something, right?

Which is what you’d hope for—or dread for—however, as you open Heizou’s phone, you’re met with a candid picture he personally took. You told him countless times to delete it yet he never and even made it as his lockscreen wallpaper.

That should’ve been enough proof that this man is loyal, but who knows what else he could be hiding behind that lockscreen? You unlocked his phone, his homescreen wallpaper is still you but a different type of photo. This time, the scenery was also part of the image with your back turned towards the camera.

Going back on track, you start to tweak around his phone, looking to see if there’s anything off or suspicious.

After checking multiple apps—even a bit of his search history—you found absolutely nothing. You sighed in relief, but that relief was short-lived once you heard a familiar voice behind you.

“What do we have here?” Heizou hummed, peeking over your shoulder, causing you to jump and turn to face him. “Seems like I caught a thief red-handed.”

You chuckled nervously, quickly putting his phone down on the bed. “Heizou! How long have you been there?” You asked, attempting to pry away from your predicament.

Heizou grinned, crossing his arms on his chest as he leans closer to you, “Only the detective will ask questions, unless.. you want to do this the hard way?” His eyes glinted with mischief, hands preparing to tickle you before he tackled you down on the bed.

The two of you rolled around in the mattress—you trying to get away while Heizou just keeps pulling you back closer to him. Your laughter dies down to pants eventually once Heizou stops.

“Now, care to explain why you were snooping through my phone?” Heizou asks, his arms wrapped around your waist as your back is pressed against his chest.

“I just.. wanted to see if you’ve been doing things..” You answer vaguely, embarrassment creeping up on you after being caught just like that.

To that, Heizou raises an eyebrow. “Things? I do a lot of things—investigating around Inazuma, doing commissions with people, and most especially loving you.” His response was filled with lighthearted jokes yet you can sense the reassurance he’s hinting at.

You smiled, turning around to face him, you pulled him to an embrace. “I’m sorry. I trust you, Hei. I just let my curiosity get the best of me.”

He reciprocates the hug, your head resting on the crook of his neck, “No, I’m sorry. I don’t want you overthinking because of my actions, sweetheart.” He says softly, his fingers carding through your hair. “Next time, please tell me when something’s troubling you.”

You nod as you leaned to his touch, the warmth of his affections already making you forget what just transpired.

“You’re not off the hook though,” He pulls away slightly to take a look at your face. “I sentence you to a full day cuddle.. and I’ll let you look through my phone more.”

. 𐙚 . ˙ 𖧧 ₊ ˚KAZUHAᝰ.ᐟ

What’s there to doubt about this man? Even if you dissect him, you won’t even find a single flaw. It’s like the archons used their entire blessings to create the perfect being, and your luck must be out of this world to be his significant other.

But maybe that’s why you’re having doubts. He’s too good for you, at least that’s what your mind is telling you. The fear that Kazuha might find someone better.. it’s not an uncommon thought that lingers in your mind. Now that you’re alone, your eyes are glued to Kazuha’s phone. It’s just laying on the nightstand, calling your name.

Just five minutes—that’s all you need, after that, you’ll stop this nonsense and never look through his phone again. You’ve convinced yourself enough and finally took his phone.

The first you notice is the matching wallpapers you two have set—you holding your phone taking a photo of him, and the other point of view would be your lockscreen. Not only that, but his password is your full birthday. That should’ve been enough for you to put the phone down and join your boyfriend outside, yet you didn’t.

To no avail, you found nothing to support your distressful thoughts. Guilt washes your mind after seeing the contents of Kazuha’s phone. But hey, at least you were no longer overthinking—isn’t that a good thing?

Not really, especially not when Kazuha stood by the doorway, catching you in the act before you could put away his phone. The two of you locked eyes for moment until you looked away as he approached you.

“Dearest, what are you doing with my phone?” Kazuha says in a gentle manner as he sat down on the bed beside you. You don’t answer, afraid of what he’ll think once he found out about the truth.

Suddenly, you feel his hand on top of yours. “It’s okay, you can tell me,” He coaxed, voice as gentle as his touch. You sigh, meeting his gaze once more as you prepare to explain yourself.

“I’ve been scared lately,” You prompt, the words feeling much harder to let out than it’s supposed to be. “Scared that you’ll see me the way I see myself—that I’m not enough for you.” Tears start to prick out in the corner of your eyes but you blink it away as a lump forms in your throat.

Kazuha takes your hand, your fingers intertwining together like it was made for each other. “You’ve never been anything less than enough,” he says firmly before pausing, choosing his next words carefully. “You may not see it, but to me, you are the anchor that keeps me steady amidst the tides. I’ve written countless poems trying to capture your beauty, your kindness, your strength—but none of them do you justice.”

His free hand comes up to your cheek, wiping the tears that you didn’t realize began to fall. “Please don’t carry these doubts alone. I’m here, for everything—your fears, your insecurities, and all the things you think makes you unlovable,” He murmured, pulling you closer until your foreheads are pressed against each other.

You nod, closing your eyes to let the tears fall down on its own. “Okay. I’m sorry for doubting you,” You breathed, the heavy feelings in your chest finally wearing off after a long time of carrying them.

“There’s nothing to forgive,” Kazuha smiles, his thumb caressing your cheek. “But if you ever feel this way again, talk to me. Trust me to help shoulder these fears next time.”

. 𐙚 . ˙ 𖧧 ₊ ˚KINICHᝰ.ᐟ

Having a romantic relationship with Kinich isn’t what most people would think. It might seem like you’d spend your days chasing after him, waiting endlessly for scraps of attention while he remained cool and aloof. Many would assume he’s the type to keep you at arm’s length, making you endure his detached demeanor and patient silences as though his affection was a prize to be earned.

Well, it’s actually quite the opposite. Kinich values your time as much as he values his own, which is why he makes sure to finish the job quickly and efficiently to spend quality time with you. He’s the one quietly chasing after time itself, ensuring there’s always enough of it for you. Kinich treats you in a way that people would describe as “prince/princess treatment.” You are his top priority and he isn’t afraid to show it, not that other people’s opinion matters to him anyway.

While there’s no actual downside to being in a relationship with Kinich, the only thing that stirs unease is his job—or rather, the people he encounters because of it. As his work often brings contact with others, it’s hard not to let your thoughts wander. Kinich may show unwavering loyalty but you know how people are; they’re unpredictable. You can’t always know their intention thus, allowing your insecurities to take hold of your rationality.

As he excuses himself for the day, your gaze drops to his phone, left forgotten by the counter. Your rationality starts disappearing—one quick look wouldn’t hurt, right? Just to soothe your worries, and it’s not like he’ll find out.

Before you could second guess yourself any longer, you reached for his phone and unlocked it. Kinich’s phone requires a fingerprint to open but he has yours registered as well, so surely there wouldn’t be anything bad in there?

Just as you hoped for, you found nothing to support your earlier worries. However, it seems like you’ve used up all your luck as you hear the sound of footsteps approaching. Kinich had spotted you right before you could put his phone back to its original place and pretend nothing had ever happened. Your eyes widened and scrambled to put the phone away as your boyfriend stepped closer.

“What were you doing with my phone, sol?” Kinich asks, putting one hand on the counter as if to corner you. You looked away, contemplating whether to deny any accusation or just simply tell the truth. His finger taps on the surface rhythmically as if he’s counting each second your silence lasts, you can feel his eyes glued to your face even when you’re looking away.

Mustering up the confidence, you finally turn to him, “Okay. Look, I just wanted to look through your phone because.. I’ve been overthinking lately. When I saw your phone I was really, really tempted to look through it.” Your words hung heavy in the air, Kinich studying your expression after your answer.

“Did you find what you were looking for?”

“No! I mean, no.. I didn’t find anything..”

Kinich pulled you by the waist, the sudden action catching you off guard once the distance decreased between the two of you. “Exactly, there was nothing to find in the first place,” he spoke calmly, his eyes holding steady contact with yours.

“I don’t want to give you any reason to doubt me,” Kinich continues, the reassurance rolling off his tongue like he knows exactly just what to say. “But I’d rather you tell me what’s bothering you than act on it like this.”

The man has a point, if snooping through his stuff becomes a habit, it’ll influence you to never communicate with him properly. You sighed, realizing the flaws of your actions. “You’re right. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that.”

Kinich’s gaze softens as he gives you a reassuring smile, “I understand why you felt the need to do it—but please trust me.” He gives a chaste kiss to your forehead before muttering, “And I’ll make sure there’s never a reason for you to question it again.”

. 𐙚 . ˙ 𖧧 ₊ ˚VENTIᝰ.ᐟ

Venti has always been the playful lover throughout your entire relationship, it was never a big deal for you whenever he would go out and mess around with other people. Not even when he’s drinking, you almost found it adorable when he turns to a handful all because of his drunken haze. He made sure he kept that habit in moderation to avoid letting it get away in the relationship.

However, the mind is a stubborn place. As months passed by, you grew afraid of what might transpire when Venti’s not in the right state. You know what they say, drunk words are sober thoughts—maybe you just haven’t heard it because he’s said it to someone else. You fought and fought these thoughts until you found yourself with your lover’s phone in hand, because who knows? Maybe he’s already drunk texted someone while you’re unaware.

The thought is temporarily dispersed once you see yourself in his wallpaper—a picture of you, deep asleep in your shared bed. You smiled, but you can’t let a simple picture like that distract you. As you swipe through his phone, a passcode blocks you. Quickly, you attempted whichever comes to mind—his birthday, your birthday, yet none of it worked. But you know what did? The date of your anniversary.

Maybe this was a bad idea, but the phone’s unlocked now, so might as well carry on.

In all honesty, you felt like you got played in the most unexpected ways. His phone was full of ridiculous information that had no connection to your previous motiv. At least your curiosity was satiated.

“What you got there?” Venti beamed beside you, his voice startling you. Where did he come from?! Actually, how did you not even hear this man come into your room? Nevermind that, you’ve been caught red handed, his phone still clutched to your hand—even harder now that you almost let go of it from the fright.

“Venti! What are you– nevermind, I’m not even gonna ask,” You surrendered just as immediately, giving back his phone. Your face flushed from embarrassment, your boyfriend having the instincts of a cat despite being allergic to them.

Venti chuckled but pushed his phone to you. “You know, if you wanted to look, you could’ve just asked,” He says, wrapping his arms around your neck pulling you close until his head is leaning on your shoulder. “I have nothing to hide from you, windblume,” he whispers.

Your gaze softens from the unasked reassurance—the fact he can play around and set your mind at ease makes you remember why you fell in love with him in the first place. “I know that now. I’m sorry, dear,” you gently pulled him closer until the two of you were flushed against each other.

“What’s on your mind?” He asks, but honestly? You almost forgot about it all because of the contact. Still, you know Venti would just bug the hell out of you if you try to brush this off.

“Let’s talk about it later, I just wanna cuddle for now.”

“Whenever you’re ready, I’ll be here to listen.”

. 𐙚 . ˙ 𖧧 ₊ ˚XIAOᝰ.ᐟ

During your anniversary, you gave Xiao a present—a phone, something he deemed useless but accepted either way. You didn’t mind at first, knowing it’ll take time for him to adjust with the advanced cellular device. It almost became a habit for you to daydream about the texts you’d someday receive from him—the constant typos, accidental calls, blurred images. Even if Xiao wasn’t one to talk so much, you know his inexperience with technology would give a good laugh.

Those wishful thoughts only lasted for a while, of course. Every once in a while, you’d see Xiao fumbling with the phone you’ve given him. You thought that maybe this is it, you’ll finally receive a few texts from him—but you never did. Your worries increased when your boyfriend’s attention was almost glued to the device. If he wasn’t using it to text you or maybe even show you what he learned, what else could he be doing?

There’s one thing you’ve noticed though. Xiao never brings his phone whenever he’s doing his duties. It occured to you that this may be an opportunity to sneak a glance and find out what he’s been up to with his phone.

Once you’ve gotten your hands on his cellular device, you went straight ahead with unlocking it—only thing is there’s no lock. You almost forgot Xiao isn’t that well versed with the mechanics of his phone, still, with the amount of time he’s usually focused with it? You’d think he already figured that out. Nonetheless, at least you don’t have to think of whatever passcode he might’ve come up with.

As you’ve opened his phone, you’re met with something shocking. His wallpaper is your picture. Are you actually seeing this correctly? How did he even get a hold of that? But then again, it doesn’t even look like you were aware that you were getting your picture taken that time. Xiao must’ve gotten this himself personally.

You almost went crazy with how little stuff there is to find in Xiao’s phone, except his photos. That was probably the only productive app in his phone, but other than that, absolutely nothing.

As you’re about to end your search for whatever you’re looking for, you noticed a figure standing in front of you just right behind the phone you’re holding. Looking up, you see Xiao.

“Oh my god!” You yelped, leaning back on the seat as Xiao’s appearance startled the hell out of you. “What were you doing just standing there?” You sighed exasperatedly, calming down the fast beating of your heart.

“You seemed engrossed with my device,” he says plainly though his eyes sparked curiousity. “Why do you have it?”

“I was checking something..” You mumbled, giving it back to him reluctantly. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have taken it without your permission.”

Xiao took the phone from you and paused. “Checking what exactly?” He turned off the device and sat beside you. He studied your expression—the way your eyes looked away, how you’d bite your bottom lip from nervousness.

“Were you thinking I’m being disloyal?” His question was so blunt, it felt like a punch. How could you even answer that? You didn’t even need to tell him anything yet he already knew.

“No, no! Not at all!” You quickly scrambled, not wanting him to think of the wrong thing. The wrong thing? Even you don’t know what that is now. “I was just.. conflicted. You never focused too much on your phone, so when I saw that, I felt.. bothered.”

Xiao visibly frowned at that, his eyes softening at your explanation, “You should’ve told me. Share your troubles with me, let me help you ease your mind.”

He gently took your hands in his, intertwining your fingers together. His eyes met yours, a rare warmth softening his typically stoic expression, melting away the worries that had been building in your chest. “And to tell you the truth…” he started, his voice quieter now, almost shy, “I’ve only been focusing on that device because I wanted to learn more about it.”

That much was obvious now, considering his wallpaper was a candid photo of you that you didn’t even know existed. “I’m aware of that now… I’m sorry for invading your privacy, Xiao,” you said softly, guilt evident in your tone.

Xiao shook his head slightly. “I know why you did,” he replied. “But do ask next time.” A gentle smile appeared on his face. “I’ll let you have it anytime you want.”

You couldn’t help but chuckle at his response, the tension between you both easing. “I don’t think I will,” you teased lightly, “unless it’s to teach you more about it.”

. 𐙚 . ˙ 𖧧 ₊ ˚WANDERERᝰ.ᐟ

It was actually unexpected for you to see Wanderer using his own phone. He’d often say he isn’t interested in it but then see him playing random games you wouldn’t find entertaining—but to each themselves, right?

That’s where the problem starts; the fact that Wanderer is pretty secretive with his own device causes you to rouse up different possibilities. Is he talking to someone else there? Maybe he got photos of other girls? Otherwise, why else would he deny you of taking a peek through his phone?

Since your stubborn resolve wouldn’t back down, you decided to take a quick detour around the few apps he has downloaded. However, Wanderer’s device required a face recognition to unlock. Being the genius that you are, you angled the phone to a picture you have of Wanderer.

It worked, obviously, not like that man changes his appearance everyday. Once the phone opened, a picture of you and Wanderer appeared, just the two of you goofing around. Maybe this is why he didn’t want you seeing his phone.

“Enjoying yourself there?” Wanderer’s voice rang out behind you, his voice laced with amusement. You couldn’t even celebrate after finding nothing, already caught by your boyfriend who’s leaning on the doorway with his arms crossed.

You turned around to meet him, imitating his pose. “You looked through every app, didn’t you?” He grinned, walking right up to you.

“Of course I looked,” you didn’t even deny it, you’re already caught in the act anyway. “You’re so secretive about your phone, it’s like a holy grail or something!” You rolled your eyes.

Wanderer hummed, amused at how you’re being truthful. “Did you find something scandalous then?” He teased, clearly just to get under your skin. “A hidden lover perhaps?”

You bit your lip, caught off guard. “I–well–no, not really,” you stammered, recalling the endless items that pointed to you. “But why hide all of that from me?”

He sighed and plucked the device from your hands. “I didn’t think it was worth mentioning. What’s the big deal?”

“The big deal?” you echoed, frowning as you crossed your arms. “You’ve been acting so secretive about it, how was I supposed to know it wasn’t something shady? You made it seem like you were hiding a dark secret or something.”

Wanderer tilted his head, his expression equal parts amused and exasperated. “A dark secret? You really thought I’d have the energy to maintain something like that?”

He looks at his phone for a moment then back to you. “I hope you enjoyed yourself, though—digging through my phone, desperately trying to find something worth fussing over,” he drawled, his lips curling into a smirk. “Only to realize it’s just you. Everywhere.”

You scoffed, your eyes narrowing down at his smug expression. “Well, maybe if you didn’t act so suspicious, I wouldn’t have felt the need to check.”

His smirk widened as he leaned back slightly, arms crossing over his chest. “But at least now you know what I’ve been ‘hiding.’ Satisfied?”

You rolled your eyes, but a small smile tugged at your lips. “For now. But next time, just let me look, okay?”

“Next time, try trusting me,” he shot back, though there was no bite to his words.

“Trust goes both ways, Wanderer,” you said, raising a brow.

“That’s ironic,” he conceded, shaking his head with a small laugh. “If you pull another stunt like this, I might increase the security of my phone.”

“Like that’d stop me,” you challenged with a grin.

© kkuzushi | Please do not translate, repost, or plagiarize my work. This work is posted in Tumblr only unless stated otherwise by yours truly.

[minart-was-taken]

The wild references to Finland in Honkai Star Rail

Hello, in this post I'm going to go over the various references to Finland in Honkai Star Rail (Also touching a little on HI3) and explaining them the best I can so that non-finns can understand how hilariously delightful they are.

_

Starting with a funny one: Welt Yang.

The man is canonically 1/2 finnish, 1/4th chinese and 1/4th german according to sources I dont understand.

The way this is represented in Honkai Star Rail comes in one intentional form and one that may be an accident but I love it anyway:

1.

Welt's given name is Joachim Nokianvirtanen, a name that is utterly hilarious to a finn like me. Why? Well Nokianvirtanen is not a surname anyone here would ever have. Virtanen is a real surname, but for some reason Mihoyo decided slap Nokia in the front of it??

The name translates to "Nokia's rapids." Which adds to the funniness because yes Nokia is an actual place in Finland and not just the brand, but it is also very much the brand.

(Also Joachim is not a finnish name even if many finns are christian.)

This is the equivalant of naming an american character Jesus McDonaldslake.

2.

Welt's hair colour! A lot of people imagine blond and blue eyes when imagining a finn, but that's not actually accurate to the statistics. The most common hair colour here is in fact "Maantien harmaa." Translating to country road grey. Sometimes they leave out the word grey or replace it with blond. The colour is known as dirty blond or pale brown in english speaking countries 👍 This is less funny and just a cute detail.

_

Secondly we'll be going over Sampo Koski, a man many know to have a very finnish name.

BUT FIRST Fun backround info: I didn't know Sampo was in this game when I first started playing, so when he showed up and suddenly dropped finnish words at me I was utterly jumpscared.

Finland is very rarely referenced in media outside of our country, so most of us are NOT used to hearing anything about our home in media.

Furthermore there's actually a meme about this very thing that everyone in the country knows: Torilla Tavataan. This translates to "Lets meet at the marketplace" which is referring to the idea that when something massively cool happens we should gather together and celebrate.

The finns REALLY want to be acknowledged by the wider world lol

Anyway back to Sampo. His name is actually something I could totally see a real finn having, although his first name is a little out there.

Sampo is an item from finnish* mythology that was forged by a super capable smith with the help of his whole village. The item is golden with multiple spouts that produce valuable things like flour, gold and I believe... salt? You can find more about the item online.

Koski meanwhile means a river rapid. Uhm, lotsa water themed names here, huh!

Nothing that funny going on with his references to be honest. I can even say the voice actor did an amazing job pronouncing his name correctly.

_

Yunli's companion quest!

This is the newest batch of references I've ran into, but if I or anyone else finds more I'll be updating this list :]

In Yunli's companion quest we meet... Paavo. His name is Paavo--

This NPC introduces himself as a traveler from far away who's come to deliver a sword from his homeland back to the Xianzhou where it was originally forged. Here's why he made me giggle uncontrollably every moment he was on screen.

1.

Paavo is considered kind of a joke name, very comparable to naming someone Bob in america. The way NPC's referred to him sounded like "Mr. Bob" to me. It was so funny

2.

He is from the PLANET KALEVALA?? SAFlJ LJ ???

Kalevala is the national epic of Finland* and tells stories such as the one of Sampo's creation. The title does refer to setting of the story, but it is still weird to hear it as a name of a planet lol.

3.

Our food is really repetitive u right Mr. Paavo

4.

Paavo explains the sword he has come to deliver is called Miekka Kivessä. This is the finnish translations of "The sword in the stone." he proceeds to then explain the legend of the sword in the stone, which. It's not a finnish legend. We've never had a king, yet alone chosen them with a sword-- Not even in myths. Kalevala's highest ranking guy in the mortal realm is Väinämöinen who's an old wise man.

Also he says Miekka Kivessä wrong but that's to be expected, very funny, and also I admire the effort to at least try and make it sound natural.

5.

Finally, he later reveals his last name-- Which, why are we refering to him as Mr. Paavo if he has a last name...? Oh well! Mr. Paavo's last name is Kalastaja, which translates to Fisher. This is not a real last name in Finland. The english equivalent of this man's goddang name would be something like Mr. Bob Employee.

_

Since you've made it this far I assume you won't mind me rambling a bit more. I'm personally psyched to see Finland mentioned in non-finnish media and love the wonky but genuine attempts to include us!

I think considering how many weebs there are in Finland who've come up with illogical "Asian names" to sound cool online, it's only fair we got the same treatment back :P I hope they'll keep delivering and I'd love to visit planet Kalevala one day.

_

*It's worth noting Finland is a colonizer of the Sami people, and a lot of their culture has been annexed without any care or respect towards them.

Finland was also under colonialism itself for hundreds of years, and our myths have been largely lost to time with only some information left. It's super difficult to tell what is finnish mythology and whats the Sami people's mythology.

That's a fact that's deeply important to remember when discussing things like this, and I hope that the people reading this consider looking into how to help the indigenous people of the nordic region. Thank you.

[peaterookie]

I made some designs of the lupgang if they were in the world of kirby, and attempted to draw them in the style of the KSSU's key artwork!

More tidbits about their story and design will be revealed after I show the art

beware it is very long

LUPIN DEE THIRD

Lupin, or Lupin Dee Third as I call this character, is a Key Dee, a class of Waddle Dees you commonly see in KRTDL carrying a key as part of a puzzle. The reason I chose this guy over the typical Waddle Dee is because he has the monki-est design out of all dees, and I find that the fact it holds a key for any gate is pretty fitting for Lupin since he can surpass any challenges, no matter how impossible it seems.

His jacket color can be any of the ones in canon, but I chose green to be the main color he sports since it's a good reflection of the Kirby series. A lot of the locations are taken from nature and the peaceful and joyful themes lends the green jacket fitting very nicely. Red is too much of an aggressive color, while pink and blue don't seem as fitting either. Also, I wanted the jacket to share the same color as the money in the illustration, it's much less work if there's less color...!

Lupin Dee Third is a famous thief that travels across different planets to steal whatever he pleases. Often it is extremely valuable objects belonging to very pretigious or powerful people, which makes him become one of the most wanted criminals in Gamble Galaxy. He stores all of the things he's stolen in a secret place where nobody has found yet.

His combat capabilities is not much to be desired, so he relies heavily on the other members of his team to fight for him. However, he has the special ability to take an ability from another person and use it himself. It is not to the extent of Kirby's ability where he can use it as long as he likes and has full mastery over it, but it comes in the form of short bursts such as pouring a stream of water using the Water ability, or propelling himself into the air for a short moment with the Jet ability. He has an arsenal of these abilities kept in his backpockets at all times, so whenever you think you've cornered him, he always has a last minute surprise for you.

MR. DOOMENSION

Jigen, or Mr. Doomension, is a Waddle Doo with a goofy beard. There wasn't much thought behind my decision to make him a Doo iirc, I saw that it would fit to have him be a species that is a counterpart of Lupin's, since in canon they have pretty similar designs. The one eye makes him more menacing and mysterious anyway so it kinda just works lol

Since I wanted his body to be black, his clothes had to be a different color to appear striking. Thus, I've chosen blue, since its a rightfully common color to use for Jigen, and the accent as orange, the complimentary color for blue. Lastly, the shoes being black and shiny makes him appear much more professional and cool than Lupin, which he totally is.

Mr. Doomension primarily fights with his gun instead of using his eyes to fire his beams. He's always had an affinity to them when he was young, as he claims it allows him to focus and fire more accurate and powerful shots. Though he does load bullets in them, he is able to channel his beams through these guns as well. I'd like to believe that Waddle Doos can channel their beams through other body parts or objects (like Kirby) but choose to use their eyes since it's the biggest part of their body, thus more convenient. Mr. Doomension is built different however.

Much like in canon, he first met Lupin during an attempt to assassinate him for money. In Lupin fashion he ends up befriending the person that tried to kill him and they became close partners in crime, with Jigen always backing him up even in the toughest situations.

COMET RONIN / GOEMON

Goemon Ishikawa's kirby design has multiple names. He is commonly referred to as the Comet Ronin, since a famous story told of him cutting a giant comet into pieces to save a town. His real name is Goemon, but few know this name- or anything about him for that matter. He travels alone from town to town, fully cloaked so no one can see his face, requests food and shelter for the night, and disappears the next day. It was like that for years, until Lupin stole something that caught his eye.

---

ayeee its goemon time. He has two versions of his design because he is that cool.

When first thinking of concepts, I knew I wanted to design him in a way where he is able to resemble one of Kirby's multiple knight characters, but also still be able to look like his friendly and cute manga design. I decided to lean much more into his ninja-ronin-like inspirations, since the kirby series very often likes to be straightforward with their designs. I gave him the straw hat that he wore in Fuma Conspiracy to cover his head, and made his hakama into a cape that he can use to cover the bottom half of his body. The rest are typical japanese stuff. The artwork I drew for his cloaked form tries make him look as imposing and mysterious as possible. You know nothing about him, you have no idea what he is capable of.

---

Lupin recently stole another priced object: The Ryusei, a sword forged by meteorites, an heirloom from a family long forgotten from history. It seems like an ordinary sword at first sight, but if a member from the family wield it, they would unlock the power to cut anything. It ended up being sealed away due to the fear of that power being end up in the wrong hands. Goemon's life mission was to reclaim that sword for his family for the greater good, and now that blasted thief has gotten it!!! From then on Lupin and Doomension were always being chased by the Comet Ronin for reasons completely unknown for them, and eventually the ronin succeeds in taking back that sword, along with taking out the thieves for good... or did he?

The two thieves thankfully survived, but their car did not!! It was sliced in half by the ronin, and now they will be the one coming to him with vengeance. Taking the opportunity to take back the sword while Goemon's guard is down, the two get to see his real face and both sides fight it out, unbridled with anger. Thankfully after pummeling each other with their little nubs, they talk it out and come to an understanding. Goemon gets his sword back and the gang gets some money to repair their car, and they become friends yayyyyy

---

So for Goemon's real form, I decided to have his body purple to match the color of Ninja Kirby from KSSU. His hair is a little nod to Discarded Character-kun (the hairball MP draws), and the eyes are much different than the usual type you see from puffball characters. I wanted him to still appear youthful and cute but have a determined look in his eyes, so I used the eyes that Bronto Burt and Burnin Leo has to better show that.

Also, he is supposed to have white wings with black tipped feather, but I sorta forgot to draw that so I might upload future sketches that go further into little details about their designs, where I'll draw his wings then.

If you read the entire thing- that's fucking wild dude this is so long, but thank you!!! and I hope you enjoyed it!! byebye

[ryiju-muunie]

hiiiii can i request a pregnant reader x toji where he learns sex induces labor? and the reader is like GET THIS BABY OUT OF ME and he wants to "relieve" her pain??

Fucking for two

18+ viewer discretion advised

fem!reader/Toji Zenin Warnings: pregnancy sex, pregnancy fetish/kink, breeding kink, rough sex, Toji is hung that’s canon, they’re married and in their 30s, attempted mating press but she’s like 9 months pregnant, creampie, multiple orgasms, overstimulation, fingering, breast milk kink, breast milk play, Toji's gonna suck some nipnips, dacryphilia, I'm gonna be honest this is not realistic, squirting Word count: 2820 DESC: Toji wants to relieve your pain and get off at the same time

Well anon this was an interesting experience! And some of it is not accurate like the breast milk part but we ball.

ALL EYES ON RAFAH

“Hey bitch,” Toji strolled into your shared room with a more playful expression than usual. He gave your annoyed glare a wiggle with his eyebrows, “I know how to get that baby outta you.”

You were a week late. Almost two at that point. And you had been dying to get this god-forsaken baby out of you for days. You’ve tried spicy food, yoga, or sour food. Anything you heard that might’ve made your pregnancy end. But nothing worked! So you were stuck with this large lump inside of you sucking the life force from your mind. You wanted so desperately to be free from the shackles of pregnancy so you could do certain things like bathe properly or lay on your side. So when your amazing husband suggested a way to get this baby out of you… you wanted to hear him out. 

“Hm?” You looked up from your laptop, closing it as you stared at him. God, he was such eye candy. Maybe that was the reason you stayed all through his interesting quirks. (Like gambling or drinking himself half-blind) He was hot. You couldn’t deny it. The way his muscles poked out through his tight shirt always made you clench your legs together, even if you couldn’t exactly do that right now. 

He looked over at you and smirked before answering, “We fuck.” 

You had to do a double-take. You … what? You two had been intimate during your pregnancy, giving him blowjobs and him eating you out. But you hadn’t engaged in sexual intercourse like that. You didn’t think Toji found you attractive enough to pound you like he used to. Mainly since he had been a lot more careful around you ever since you hit the third trimester; Maybe it was your hormones, but you didn’t think he could find your bloated body attractive currently.

“Toji I’m not having sex with you,” you shook your head, looking down at your closed laptop filled with anime stickers from various shows you liked. 

“I don’t wanna see you all miserable. It’s annoying,” he shrugged as you made a sour face. You knew he meant well, but Toji always had a way with words. A bad way with words.“Besides. I kinda wanna fuck a pregnant bitch.” 

You gave him a warning glare and he cleared his throat, “Pregnant woman.” 

“I… you don’t need to say all that. I know I’m not very hot right now and taking care of me is a pain in the ass. But you don’t need to force yourself to sleep with me just to get it over with…” You mumbled, looking up at him. His face contorted from a smirk to a weird look. He stared at you as if you were crazy. Like you just said the wildest thing imaginable without any warning. 

You thought … you weren’t attractive like that? You thought you weren’t attractive to him? And you thought you were making him force himself to sleep with you? Oh, you really were insane. Toji was deeply and madly in love with you, even if he didn’t exactly show it. You’ve always been hot to him, no matter what. You’ve been together for five years, of course, you’ve changed. You didn’t look like the same girl he first met at that bar and he didn’t care. He loved you no matter how big or small you were. If you were carrying his child or not. He loved you. If fucking you while pregnant was going to get rid of your agony, he’d do it in a heartbeat.

And he didn’t want to admit the other reason why he’d been dying to fuck you pregnant. He had a certain kink he’d never been able to try since you were his first wife. Once you got too big to lay on your side or even get up without help, Toji thought you wanted him to be more gentle. So he abstained from slapping your ass or grabbing you while you were fast asleep beside him. But he wanted to. 

He wanted to fuck you raw while you were pregnant with his seed. And he wanted to induce labor and have your water break all over his meaty cock. You didn’t want to see his PornHub browsing history, because, for the past nine months, it was all pregnancy porn. He couldn’t help it. Just the thought of you filled with his baby being fucked by him got him off in ways he didn’t know. 

“You’re crazy, you know that?” Toji replied after a moment of pure silence. He got onto the bed and crawled towards you, pushing your laptop to the side, “I wanna fuck a pregnant bitch. And I wanna fuck you. So … let’s fuck.” 

You blinked a few times, “Oh you have such a way with words, Zenin,” a small smile bit at your lips and you nodded, “If you aren’t forcing yourself, then sure. Is it like a fetish of yours or something?” One of your arms slung around your husband's neck and he nodded, inhaling in your scent. He didn’t care if you thought you smelt bad, he loved it. He loved how you naturally always smelt a certain way, that he could pick you out in a crowd. He rested his head against your large belly and closed his eyes briefly. 

Soon this would be gone and a baby Megumi would be born. You both decided on the more feminine name because screw gender roles! And it was the only thing you two could agree on. 

One of his big hands trailed from the top of your stomach down to the hem of your pants, sneaking past the waistband and making its way to your underwear. Your breath hitched at your lips and you felt two fingers dip into your pussy. It was a slow and methodical movement that he did, just swirling around your clit to get you all hot and bothered. His other hand trailed up to fondle your breasts. You let out a small gasp and before you knew it that hand was in your shirt. He pinched and rolled your nipple around between his fingers, just to feel you tense up beneath him. 

“Toji… remember I’m gonna…” You bit your lip and exhaled a shaky moan as you felt him continue. He moved his head up from your stomach to find its way inside your shirt as well, taking your other breast and nipple into his mouth. He let his teeth rake around your sensitive pebble and suck it just to see your reaction. You had never been one for nipple play, but after you got pregnant they had become so sensitive… just a bit of fondling never hurt.

You had forgotten what you were about to say when you felt a strange sensation come from the center of your nipples. Oh. That. You found yourself prematurely leaking colostrum or breast milk, whenever your nipples were fondled with. Toji must’ve forgotten since he went mouth-first into your chest. But he didn’t even flinch as you felt them drain into your husband's palm and mouth. Instead, you realized he was going a bit harder, sucking and pinching as if his life depended on it. 

His hand was still on your clit in a way that made you dizzy. All of it was just to prepare you for the horse he was going to force into your cunt. Toji was hung, he was massively hung. Even after five years he still needed to let you adjust to his girth by fingering you until you were wet enough to handle it. You always loved how big he was compared to your tight pussy. It made it all the more pleasurable to think about that log touching your cervix. 

One finger dipped into your wetness, quickly followed by a second, just to tease you. He pumped them in and out of you very slowly, not fast enough to cause you any release. But instead, slow enough you had a chance to savor the pleasure. He wanted to take his time with this. He wanted to relish in the fact he was fucking you so good your water would break all over him. He wanted to take a video just to show the event happen, letting all your juices flow onto his thick cock. 

“T..Toji,” you whimpered, letting your head fall back onto the headboard, “F-fuck… mm- fuck me.. Pleaaa..ssee?” You looked down at him still inside your shirt. You wanted to see his face as he fucked you from the front. You wanted him to manhandle you until you couldn’t stand, which you were beginning to think wouldn’t happen since he was taking his goddamn time with your breasts. 

Toji pulled back slowly from your sensitive nipple and pulled your shirt up, and over his head, “Whuh?” He blinked a few times, clearly getting distracted by your lovely chest. He loved the way you squirmed while he sucked and prodded at them. Even if he wasn’t a tits guy, he’d never let them feel neglected.

“Fuck me,” you blurted out, staring at him with an intense gaze. He nodded and smiled, removing his hand from your underwear. Then he delicately took off your pants, making sure not to hurt you or the baby as he pulled them off. Then came your panties, which slid right off. Both articles of clothing were tossed off the bed, followed by his pants and boxers. 

“You’re picking those up later,” you frowned, looking down to see his prize. God, he was like if Willam Defoe and Drake had a baby… So, huge. The girth was something you didn’t even think was possible for a man, but there it was. He snaked a large hand around his tip and let the precum smear across his fingers, which he moved down his shaft. You needed that throbbing member inside your cunt this instant or you didn’t know what you’d do!

Toji pressed his swollen tip against your folds and let his cock do the work. You felt yourself stretch as he slowly inserted himself, giving you time between pushes to adjust. He was perfect. The way his penis curved hit your perfect, plush spot in a way that made you instantly bite your lip. But he wasn’t done yet. One arm slowly reached for your leg and pushed it up. Well, it didn’t go entirely up, but up enough to simulate a really shitty mating press. Then came the other one. So the position was more like: Toji on his knees, slightly hunched over, with you on your back. With your two legs held up by his arms, knees slung over his elbows. If that made any sense you’re also as insane as I am. 

You let out a moan and threw your head back into the pillow behind you, as he fully inserted himself. A few seconds passed and slowly, Toji pulled back. Then he thrust forward. A noise that you hadn’t heard come out of your husband escaped his lips. It was almost like … a whimper? No-no that’s impossible, Toji would never whimper! Oh … but he did. 

“F-fuck… M’ gonna fuck this baby outta you, slut. Mmm sh…shit,” he bit his bottom lip and continued to thrust, turning it almost rhythmical. The sound of your husband's moans and dirty talk mixed with your whimpers filled the air, followed by loud plapping from your bodies. You needed this. You needed him to fuck you stupid and fuck you blind; Until you couldn’t breathe. You needed him so bad it hurt, and he needed you the same. He needed you so bad he couldn’t even put it into words to describe how badly he needed you. You were the one Toji was going to spend the rest of his life with of course he fucking loved you. And god he was already close to cumming. 

Just seeing his very pregnant wife underneath him, with your breasts full of milk and bouncing, sent him over the edge. Spurts of thick cum shot out of his tip and coated your insides perfectly in white. But of course he couldn’t stop, he needed you to release your sweet water all over him if it was the last thing he’d ever do. You gasped and clamped a hand over your mouth, trying to silence whatever nonsense was gonna come out. But it was too late. You were fucked dumb. 

“F-fuck baby… mm- sh-shit.. Mm hah.. F-f… mm … fuck me… c-c mm c-cum in me,” you whined, squeezing your eyes shut from the immense pleasure. He was hitting your g-spot and fucking it raw. You could feel yourself becoming close but it still wasn’t enough. You needed to cum so badly and you needed to cum with him. You needed to see him bite his lip to hide the pleasure-filled face he was going to make as he came again. So slowly your eyes fluttered open and you watched him through a hazy veil of lust.

Toji thrust himself into you as if there was no tomorrow. Since truly, he’d never get a pleasure like this again, unless you two planned on a second kid. He took in your chubby form and your fat belly, filled with his forming seed. He took in your face contorted with pleasure, staring at him with the biggest fuck me eyes he’d ever seen. And he came again. So quickly after cumming the first time it hurt. He gasped and leaned forward, groaning sweet nonsense as he fucked you roughly through your high. With the sensation of being filled up again you came, feeling a sweet release from your insides wash over your body. But your water hadn’t broken yet, so Toji wasn’t nearing his thrusting any time soon. 

“I’m gonna make you … you pregnant mm again,” he groaned, throwing his head back as he pounded into your swollen cunt. You bit your lip and nodded, feeling tears springing to the corners of your eyes. God, it was too much, and you felt a big release pulsating through your vagina. You felt something coming and you hoped it was gonna come soon. Everything, every inch of your body was on fire. You needed to cum so badly to the point where it stung and throbbed. 

“T-Toji…” You gasped, running a hand through your hair only to grab onto the pillow behind you, “I’m… mm f-f… mmm fuck,” you looked up to the ceiling, feeling your body twitch and convulse below you. The best kind of orgasms were the kind where you couldn’t control your body, and you knew it was building to it. 

“Yeah, cum. Fucking… cum,” Toji moaned, feeling himself on the verge of cumming again just by seeing you so overstimulated. The tears coming from your eyes and the way you cried for an orgasm to happen made him so aroused it was insane. You two needed to have sex like this more often… he’d never felt such pleasure in his life before. Yeah, your sex life was good, but this was great. Seeing you so broken and seeing you fucked stupid was something he never knew he needed. 

Then it happened. You felt a weird sensation build and then release in between your legs, followed by such an intense pleasure you almost felt faint. It rushed through your core and into your brain, causing a momentary lapse in your system. You couldn’t breathe, you couldn’t move. Yet at the same time, you were gulping down air and grinding against your husband's throbbing cock. You came, squirting down his length and crying out in a way you never had before. And your water broke, seeping through your legs and releasing in a pleasurable way you’d never experienced before. It was a different kind of feeling. A huge release followed by an even bigger sensation building up inside of you. 

Toji came at the sight of you losing full control, and he whimpered at the sight of you squirting on him. The guys a bit stupid so he couldn’t tell if it was squirt or the water … either way, he was horny and happy. He thrust a few more times into your battered pussy as you came down from your loud high. He looked down at the mess you two had made on your freshly made white sheets, then he looked at you. 

“Do you … have the baby bag ready?” You mumbled, looking up at the ceiling with a hazy expression. Oh yeah, you were completely out of it. 

“Yeah, why?” Toji asked, pulling himself out of you and groaning at the pleasurable yet sensitive sensation. 

“T… Toji. My water just broke,” you glanced at him and blinked a few times. 

“Yeah I know,” he rolled his eyes before stopping, “Oh. Shit.”

[olderthannetfic]

I thought it would be interesting to see if I could easily determine which ships had the most works updated in 2023.

It turned out to be fairly easy, though a little time consuming. I think these results should be reasonably accurate.

Some points to note:

I did this on my own account, and I have like 2 people muted. So I am capturing the effects of archive-locked works, but my numbers might be off by one or two works due to muting.

Works updated in 2023 is a number that constantly changes as works are deleted or updated again in 2024.

I didn't scrape the entire archive or anything like that, so it's possible I missed a ship that would bump one of these down below 100. I'd take the last few at the bottom there with a grain of salt. But I think we can be reasonably sure the top ones are accurate and that the kinds of numbers that we see at the bottom there (eighteen hundred plus works updated in 2023) are about where the cutoff will be even if we find a ship I missed.

--

As for how I did this, I went to the category tags and the rating tags, filtered for updating in 2023, then excluded ships in the sidebar till I got to 130-150 ships excluded. I also grabbed ships that are big in general from tag search, which you can use to find all relationship canonicals, ordered by frequency.

I combined those lists of ships, cleaned off the works numbers, and generated a list without duplicates. That got me three hundred and something (yes, they were mostly duplicates). I generated the relevant AO3 URLs, opened them in batches with Open Multiple URLs, and copied the works totals into a spreadsheet. Not as tidy as using a script but honestly pretty easy if you know a few spreadsheet formulas to clean up data.

The key here is that if you're only going for pretty good and not accurate beyond a shadow of a doubt, all you need to do is generate a list of likely ships, then check them.

It's possible that there's some much-updated ship that is so evenly spread across these various other tags that it just missed showing up in the sidebar. Hopefully, grabbing more than just the top 100 avoided this problem.

This method also doesn't take into account backdated works. If a whole archive was imported in 2023 but all backdated, there could be some ship that didn't have new works but where AO3 users experience in 2023 was of an influx of content.

I also did this just now, in late March/early April, so some 2023 works have inevitably been deleted or updated again. So the exact work counts don't represent the experience of using AO3 throughout 2023. A fandom active in early 2023 might not have much updating in early 2024, while a fandom active in late 2023 would. This could demote the latter a few places in the rankings since I didn't grab numbers on January 1st.

Even if a person scraped AO3 every day or was monkeying around in the databases, you also have to ask what conceptual answer you're after. Is it works a user could have read at some point during 2023, whether they were deleted by the year's end or not? Is it new-to-AO3 works or only newly-created ones, not including imported archives? Does it matter if the works are fic? If they're in English? What about accidental double-uploads or translations of a single work?

I hope this makes it clear why a definitive ranking is not actually possible.

However, despite these drawbacks, I am confident that the rankings above accurately represent the broad trends on AO3 in 2023. Just don't get too fixated on whether a ship should be at number 73 or number 74.

And, of course, I excluded these from the top 100:

Original Character(s)/Original Character(s) - 20,026

Minor or Background Relationship(s) - 16,187

No Romantic Relationship(s) - 8,052

Original Female Character(s)/Original Male Character(s) - 7,195

Original Male Character/Original Male Character - 6,283

Other Relationship Tags to Be Added - 5,618

Original Female Character(s)/Original Female Character(s) - 3,990

Original Character(s) & Original Character(s) - 3,210

Here's a spreadsheet if you want to see the actual numbers not as a shitty screencap. I left the next few below 100 for context.

[kalkori]

ok regretevator fandom i know its "canon" that fleshcousins are only sentient and not sapient but when you look at the dialogue of fleshcousins it seems to say the opposite.

fleshcousins can and will react to being referred to negatively

not only in this instance with gnarpy does fleshcousin argue with gnarpy, it also emphasizes words like how someone irritated would. like hello?

chat fleshcousin literally tells lampert to kill himself after being insulted. there is no conversation elsewhere where fleshcousin gets told to kill itself to learn this. also before the threat it tries to insult lampert. thats not a parrot thats a very insulted and very salty creature.

in the first interaction with spud, the fleshcousin seems to be talking to itself and then appears to get irritated when spud is like "wow i could have ended up like you guys"

in the second interaction with spud, it seems to actually correct him and then, to me, appears to do its equivalent of an irritated grunt when spud is like "you're just like a personal diary!!"

the above is more tangentially related but fleshcousin seems to not only be genuinely irritated by unpleasant's existence, but then proceeds to also use language of others that it has learned. i find it interesting that specifically gnarpy and infected are used here, as gnarpy is the one who has the most irritated dialogue to learn from, and infected is the most related to unpleasant

2. it knows how to communicate discomfort/pain

ok i know this sounds weird but trust me. in most animals that can be trained to use words to communicate, it often takes A WHILE for them to accurately use language to mention pain. normally they learn stuff for things like food first.

for this one, the second and third line are my focus. the first one is pretty clear in the distaste for the snowball. however, the third line reveals not only a negative reaction, but trying to joke about it. "kb what is the joke" well you see my non-fleshcousin-brained friend, the joke is [as best translated as possible] "is it already winter?"

the flash beacon is what we're really here for though. not only can it associate bright, painful light to something it already knows, it A: communicates that it hurts and B: is able to recognize that you control it and asks you to stop hurting it

the reason why that is Huge is that most animals don't as for you to stop. they either run away or fight. when they ask for things to stop, most commonly its with another animal in the same species with their (body) language.

fleshcousin asks for you to stop in YOUR language!! thats huge!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

3. fleshcousins can recollect people and inform others about them‚ and can potentially observe other peoples relationships

first off, fleshcousin tells mark that wallter misses him. [also, it appears it finds it funny that mark censors itself but that might just be me]

in this one, fleshcousin tells wallter that mark misses him and just how much he does, as well!!!! like hello thats crazy!!

this one has fleshcousin describe its own relationship with bive and scary mike, which honestly makes me want to bawl my eyes out. like it calls her and mike friends. i literally will cry forever about this

but the most interesting thing fleshcousin mentions multiple times...

IS HOW OFTEN IT MENTIONS FOLLY, AND SOMETIMES MIMICS HER?!

the last one under petal cone references folly's laugh

this one might be a stretch but i think this idle is referencing folly's forest, the "barn" being the forest and "the wrongs" referencing how closely related folly's deal is to malice

when you look at its folly interactions it seems VERY interested in folly

we're mentioning the farm again

we're just straight up describing folly here. hello!!

now listen any other time i'd call it a stretch but its talking to wallter, who it knows the relationships of. folly is heavily associated with that gigantic tree. pillows are associated with sleep. this has to be at least a red herring. like. chat.

theres more but this is already getting too long. chat fleshcousins are sapient if you look at the actual writing, whether intended or not!!

[varlaisvea]

’this one’

ok i am kind of a dork about ta’agra. i am a ~linguist by education, and in eso, ta’agra has definitely gotten the most love out of all of tamriel's languages, enough such that it has understandable grammar and root words. (enough such that you can kiiind of figure out a general idea of what zerith-var is saying a lot of the time!)( if you've read the amount about ta'agra that i have!) (a normal fanfic writer amount, which is obiously a lot but, as with all elder scrolls lore topics, is insignificant compared to the real ta'agra fans out there). (but for real imagine being a language dork and having a video game give u a lil language dork treat for being a dork about its made up language. elder scrolls babey.). i’ve always been interested in how khajiit refer to themselves, because they have multiple ways of doing so, and—this being the elder scrolls—the choices people make in this regard are culturally meaningful. someone may say “I/me” or “this one” or their name/nickname, and the choice says a lot about the character, their background, and their mindset.

"this one", as a phrase, actually has deep and nuanced historical, cultural, and linguistic lore. because this is the elder scrolls.

as far as personal pronouns, zerith-var and the characters in his flashback stories only use I/me to refer to themselves. one could simply assume that language usage changes over time (khajiit in the 4th era in skyrim, don't really use it, for example). but, this being the elder scrolls, of course this (ultimately extremely minor) lore discrepancy is explained: zerith says “this one” is a more accurate translation for the way the personal pronoun (I/me) is used in the modern day, but it’s completely absent in his time. he doesn’t like “this one” at all: he observes that while ta’agra and cyrodiilic have mixed significantly over time, in his era, they were ‘mere acquaintances.’

so, it's an effect of khajiit mixing more with the rest of tamriel after a few decent centuries without a major war or catastrophic plague, but it's also more than that. languages are frameworks that both inform and convey the speaker's cultural perspective, and using "this one" reflects a desire to express something that "I/me" does not. in terms of how the word is used grammatically, the translation of “ahziss”, the ta'agra personal pronoun, is most accurately “I/me/my." but the literal meaning of "ahziss" is more accurately "this one" or "one person [of a group]" (although canon vs fanon is murky here). so, implicit in the ta'agra personal pronoun is the fact that the speaker is part of a whole—ie, they are saying me, this particular member of the group (the khajiiti people), or this particular khajiit (me). i imagine this is why some khajiit use "khajiit" as a personal pronoun; that also seems like a pretty reasonable approximation of what it sounds like "ahziss" means. this being the elder scrolls, khajiiti mythology also reflects this concept of the individual always being a part of the whole through the lunar lattice—you can see why it might be important to someone to convey something like that in their speech, when referring to themselves.

if this were not the elder scrolls, the lore related to this phrase might end at grammar and history (or well before that), but we are playing a game franchise whose name itself references the truly absurd amount of lore it has. so obviously we must consider the modern usage of the term, in order to really round out the lore about 'this one.'

nobles, like Khamira and Gharesh-ri, tend to speak with a distinct upper-class accent, and exclusively refer to themselves as I/me. The same is true of many scholars, mages, and wealthy people. this seems to suggest that well-educated, wealthy, and cultured khajiit are speaking a more "proper" tamrielic. southern elsweyr is more cosmopolitan (at least the parts that remain, which are largely cities), and people from the south tend to consider themselves more worldly and refined than their northern counterparts. accordingly, this 'upper class' and 'more tamrielic' manner of speech seems associated with a southern accent. this is consistent enough in the game that you can hear the torval curiata in zerith-var’s quests speaking with a southern accent, but using ‘this one’, and it’s kind of jarring.

currently elsweyr has been devastated by the knahaten flu, but historically the south was a wealthy, multicultural coastal trading economy (plus skooma and elegantly organized crime). the north has always been largely badlands inhabited only by baandari nomads, with a more modest agrarian trading economy in the two (formerly three) cities in the north, which are constantly invaded by cyrodiil over the centuries, and cut off from the rest of elsweyr by a massive canyon (and now also a condemned city). so (sorry to any non-americans but i can only make analogies referencing places i know), the north is like if vermont was an ancient desert with dragons in it, while the south is like if bethesda maryland was a post-apocalyptic jungle w/ dragons in it.

soo lower-class, rural, and less-educated khajiit, as well as khajiit from the northernmost part of elsweyr, seem more likely to use 'this one', and there's a lot of overlap in those groups. it's just part of the way people talk-- many people seem to use 'this one'/'I'/their name to convey shades of meaning. using "this one" or your name both require consequently referring to yourself in the third person, which has a much different vibe than referring to yourself in the first person. using your full name, or your name plus your title, or your nickname, or "this one" all have different vibes, and say different things about how you would like to define yourself in that moment. different people mean different things with their choices, but your choice can convey levels of intimacy, public vs private speech, formal or informal, etc.; it's all about feeling and personal preference.

razum-dar is probably the khajiit you talk to the most, and he is interesting to pay attention to--he is as calculating in his use of language as he is with everything else. to the player and to queen ayrenn, he mostly calls himself "raz" (suggesting that's what he uses with people he considers friends), and he usually only uses "I/me" when he is expressing a genuine emotion--ie, almost never. he uses "this one" to humble and formalize his speech when speaking to nobility or in an official capacity, but he also defaults to it when he's in the field. he is impressively cultured, well-read, and politically savvy, but he keeps those "this one"s generous when talking to others, especially high elves. being from merryvale, he has a fairly obvious northern accent, so he is happy to play the part of the lazy redneck sleaze he knows people will presume him to be--he counts on people underestimating his intelligence, and uses it to his advantage.

when the elder scrolls is great, it's because they don't shy away from depicting eg racism, they make their racism function accurately within the culture they have created, and the in-universe racism is fully baked right into "this one".

the cyrodiilic perspective is the in-universe cultural norm in tamriel, and the cyrodillic idea of what a khajiit is like would be informed by the khajiit they would most often interact (and racism). that would be farmers from rimmen and riverhold at a grain market, or baandari traders, who talk and act even more Like That and are even more ~exotic. so, it makes sense that an exaggerated northern accent with copious "this one"s is often used as a sign that someone is being lazy, dishonest, false, or patronizing. think of Pacrooti and Fezez; both have the obsequious khajiiti huckster manner of speaking, underscored by every over-the-top khajiiti idiom in the wiki. They never say "I" or "me", which means they are always referring to themselves in the third person, which in English implies deception. it tacitly admits you are using a persona with some separation from yourself and a good amount of falseness, especially if you let slip that you understand the concept of "I" well enough to insincerely call a stranger to whom you are trying to sell something "my friend." (Fezez even uses "khajiit" as a personal pronoun, which is part of the persona in his case, but also people still do talk that way a sometimes--it seems to be old-fashioned; mostly used by elderly folks, baandari, and people in truly remote backwaters.)

i feel like you can see what zerith var disliked about 'this one'. like, even setting aside the fact that as a person, he cannot comprehend a definition of 'I' that does not already contain within it the concept of the lunar lattice (which is azurah's love, which connects all khajiit to one another, even the ones whose souls were thought beyond saving.) like you can see where that alone would be incomprehensible to his understanding of his own existence. but even aside from that.

he is observing how people treat each other in this time, both good and bad. so he must see the ways khajiit experience racism, and how that racism differs from place to place. his life was such that he never even had to consider the unthinkable question of how to convey what 'I' means to you, let alone how to convey that in a language you now must speak for your own survival. like how do you explain 'when I am talking about myself, I mean me, this person who is honored to be part of an eternal whole, and so completely humbled to be a link in that lattice that they must speak of themself in the third person.' and like, my mans understands how they got there, but he also sees it getting mocked and associated with all the negative stereotypes of modern-day khajiit. which he also cannot help but see reflected in the actions of khajiit, both because he is now experiencing a multicultural society for the first time ever and thus seeing khajiit through an observer's eyes for the first time, and because you totally actually do meet plenty of khajiit who lean into that persona, in fact most khajiit in any type of merchant or service role, anyone who is trying to sell you something, throw some of it into their personality.

and now despite the fact that he is a two thousand year old monk with the power to resurrect the damned in order to offer them true peace, and he has been here for like twenty minutes, he's already felt the weight of 2000 years of history and 2000 years of racism by having to contend with the existence of that phrase. i get why he's like 'nah not for me'

anyway surely this is a normal amount of things to know and ways to feel about a simple phrase in a fictional language!

[tomwambsgans]

tom & greg + fixation on, and fear of, sexual assault

of all the characters involved in a plot centered around a sexual exploitation scandal, it's ironically not any women but tom and greg - the very characters through whom we're introduced to the exploitation - who show repeated concern for their own bodily autonomy, particularly on a sexual vein. that particular point of irony serves to exemplify their outsider statuses that remain in spite of promotions, marriages, etc, but also, these aspects of their characters being so consistent tells us a lot about their relationship to the entire culture of masculinity, not just waystar.

greg in particular is practically introduced with a fixation on sexual assault. his character in general is a notably un-sexual being up until the end of season 3, with the only allusions he makes to sex until then being a matter of himself as a victim. that fixation/fear becomes most apparent when the notion of prison comes up - and it is clearly the chief worry driving that fear for greg. in contrast, tom does have other repeatedly expressed worries about prison: non-sexual autonomy lost, a lack of comfort, a lack of Finer Things, particularly food and wine... but (implicitly non-consensual) sex makes the list and is also brought up multiple times, interestingly with less apparent fear than greg's. this may be due to tom already having a pragmatic relationship with (heterosexual) sex that allows him to plow through a series of sexual encounters that are tainted with elements of Wrongness - the idea here being that a fear of sex is just kind of normal for tom, so he's used to it. he has a very high tolerance for pain and physical discomfort. it's less losing autonomy and more acknowledging he barely has any to begin with. he's less panicked, more resigned. perhaps even less of a victim and more of a... coerced participant, because to even conceptualize himself as a victim would be too vulnerable. one more character does allude to being victimized by sexual assault, meanwhile - roman. where he contrasts with both tom and greg, though, is that rather than fearing it happening in the future, there's instead the idea of it having happened in the past. there may or may not have been any actual event or even a theme of sexual abuse in roman's childhood, but we get multiple notions: roman jokingly threatening to accuse connor of "diddling" him, the vibes that float around the dog pound story and how he "went weird," "yeah they raped me a little," his inability to pee around other men and the implication he's seen a therapist for it... and of course, this:

which is where roman's relationship with all of this contrasts the most starkly with tom and greg's: whether he's truly a victim or not (and if he wasn't, he clearly does at least cling to the notion as a potentially easy explanation for all that's wrong with him), he turns around and starts weilding the idea himself. furthermore he communicates, in that particular deleted scene, his knowingness of something between tom and greg. and he reinforces the idea that there's something wrong with it. the scenario he evokes, where greg is a Victim and tom is a Perpetrator, isn't accurate whatsoever, but it sends a message, implants an idea, sets the tone, etc - sex between men will always include those two characters. this is, undeniably, the precise reason for both tom and greg's fixations on being a sexual victim of other men. the canonical fixation in and of itself, and its uniqueness to the two of them, may as well establish this - in the gender theory of the show (and also real life), tom and greg are of a different gender class than Real Man. they are adjacent to women. to be frank with you, they are faggots. both know on some level that intimacy with men is what they want, and therefore, however consciously, have that sense of their role in the world being a vulnerable one. there are elements of both fear and fantasy, building off of each other: "this is inevitable because of what i am" and "what if i enjoy it, what does that say about who i am?" and "if i have no choice in the matter, then maybe i'm free to enjoy it." there's a loop of freedom from contending with one's own desires -> a hyperawareness of them. now, roman may join tom and greg in being Categorically Less Of A Man, but he still sits above them on the axis of class and therefore doesn't feel the same ramifications. tom and greg are not only gay but live far more directly in the Real World, with origins in the present and physical homophobia of the middle and lower classes. tom also knows the corporate homophobia from climbing his way up and gives greg the crash course. tom and greg's differences wrt their fears of SA lie in self-awareness, self-hatred, and how successfully each of them have already carved out a space for themselves in the sexual hierarchy. but ultimately what they have in common is the most significant: their inability to fit authentically into the world of the roys. their shared uniqueness, amongst the elite, in having a body - one that can and often does experience pleasure and pain. in having real desires and therefore being vulnerable. in being gay little nudie turtles underneath.

[toffeebrews]

tell me your Ink headcanons NOW 😼😼😼

You're... giving me permission.... to share my ink headcanons.

well get ready

Talked about this one already but I'll share it again: I think Broomie is semi sentient. I like to think at first Ink didn't know that though, but still talked to broomie anyway. So, regardless of this fact Ink probably would've talked to broomie.

He's good at encouraging people but not comforting people. If that makes sense? (projection much pfttt)

If you ran your hand over the "tattoo" marks it have a slight divot in it. Like a crack in a road. Probably because... in my hc they're literally semi healed cracks.

They're is talented in many types of art not just one. Hes talented in singing, dancing, fashion design, mechanics, and architecture! Really the only one he struggles with is well... cooking. Do NOT let that man in a kitchen (I mean he's immortal why would he not learn multiple artistic skills?)

Y'know how canon!swap climbs on people because hes insecure about his height? I think Ink does the same thing.

(More yappening under the cut)

Deep down he feels like something is missing... what he doesn't know is he's missing his home, his AU. Sometimes hes goes on a search universe to universe in search of "something important he can't remember" but can never find it. Until he gets bored, forgets what he's doing or gets preoccupied with something else.

He likes switching up his looks so he may give himself a tail or paws or claws with his brush. Maybe he even changes the color of his limbs sometimes (that's more a crack hc though). He gives themself a new outfit at any chance he can get. (Edit: I actually imagine one of the reasons he would get excited for multiverseal events is mainly because he gets to show off a new outfit for that event. He goes ALL out)

Due to his dulled sense of pain often he isn't aware he's injured unless it's pretty severe. So he may just go about their day with injuries they don't know about. Typically Dream or Swap have to be like "dude you have a crack in your skull."

After that one comic with Swap and Ink, Swap bandaged up his skull despite Ink insisting he didn't need it. Mainly because Swap didn't know Ink could heal themself and just thought Ink was being humble. Everytime he went to go take it off, Swap would freak about it hasn't had enough time to heal. Until Ink did a more through "I have a brush bro chill" (not ink accurate dialogue).

He's super flexible!! like contortionist level of flexibility.

Oddly specific but I think they're the type to consume all sorts of fan content and enjoy it. Completely ooc and fanon stuff too. He would be the type to read a fic and go "I would NOT say that" with a giggle and write a heartfelt comment anyway.

If you know homestuck... Nepeta has a shipping wall. I think Ink would have something similar (projection?? blasphemy!). Maybe in his sketchbook or smth. I mean do you see how he reacts around his dads smh 😔😮‍💨. He doesn't take it all that seriously though... LMAO. But I feel like he would be like "🏳️‍🌈?" y'know? Is this making any sense? I hope LMAOOO

Ink knows being called "child" annoys Dream so when Dream's like "I'm not a child I'm 500 years old" he just uses different synonyms of kid " heya youngster" " hi boy" stuff like that to annoy him. Just to mess with him.

He loves "aggressive affection." Like he bites people. He also likes to be bitten (not in a sus way but like in a cat like way). He loves bear hugs. Stuff like that.

He loves being drawn on, like literally. He loves the sensation of art supplies on his bones. Particularly the texture of paint and pencil are the ones he enjoys the most. He draws designs and stuff on his bones sometimes.

He has that cartoon ability to walk on walls or the ceiling and completely defy gravity. How? Cartoon skelly powers ig.

[el-pada]

not gonna even dignify this with a direct response cause clearly you motherfucker lack basic reading comprehension

but hey! lets have a talk abt this

i mainly base my iterations of him (rise, mm and the space 2012) on 2003 which i stated and made clear multiple times here

so most if not all of the leosagi started with 2003, makes sense, its the most he ever interacts with leo in the franchise, they have lots of great dialogue and an interesting dynamic

you wanna know what else this iteration started?

making them the same age range by showing it in a flashback the same arc he is introduced in

right there you can clearly see hes a kid in the same time the turtles were, the artstyle itself does make it confusing at times but like, even hearing him with the akward voice acting this is a kid (0:0 to 0:55)

they even refer to him as "young samurai" still in training

but thats not enough for you? fine, lets look at the comic design

now what are some of the main things that show up in his design?

the scar

the mifune crests

now lets look at the comics!

in the second chapter of volume 1 we get to see a teen usagi a couple years into his training, before working for mifune, what do we see here?

he still doesnt have his scar and mifune crests

he gains those after become a proper samurai, now we can look at history and see that a samurai was able to be trained as young as 15-16, assuming that was usagis age range we can reasonably line it up with the timeline of him serving mifune for a couple years, becoming a proper samurai then eventually losing him and gaining his scar

if we look at canon hes implied to be in his early 20s at most in the comics themselves (the artstyle just isnt kind to him), which is why i dont draw that iteration as leosagi, just draw inspiration from the character writing for usagi

now lets look at the 2003 design!

see something here? thats right!

his scar and crests arent there

the main things that one can use to differentiate between his life as a teenager vs an adult are missing!

"oh but the scar is just stylized, and the crests arent there for simplifying the design"

actually nope! the animators made a concious decision on his design, shown in multiple angles that its a weird eyebrow shape and not an actual scar!

and tomoe's design shows that also shows they very much could add the crests and chose not to, which makes sense as this iteration has the most canon accurate to the comics take on usagis world

and what did i make sure to incorporate into my usagi design? thats right!

no scar or crests in sight!

and if you really wanna get on my ass the fucking writer of rise liked my iteration on twitter lol

so in conclusion suck my dick and balls and do some research before accusing me of something as nasty as that

[celerydays]

Hi! I have been following you for some time and I notice you draw more and more Sebastian and Ominis doing stuff that makes me... uncomfortable.....

Sebastian and Ominis are best friends, why people are obsessed with drawing them into weird gay stuff? Seriously.... Why can't be friends.... without all Sebinis... Just stop it...

Normally I would delete messages or simply ignore the things that make me feel uncomfortable–

But, you're on anon and this is my ask inbox, so I can only assume you want an actual, public response. So alright. Fine.

Like I said: normally I would just remove odd, uncomfortable, or even outright rude messages without making a whole thing of it. I curate my own online experience and I try my best to live by that rule.

However, I've now gotten multiple unsolicited DMs over the course of a couple of months expressing the exact same sentiment (and nearly word-for-word as this ask, so I highly suspect I already know who you are). I have duly ignored or glossed over them hoping that the person/people would take the hint to simply stop engaging with the same message over and over again. But an anon ask is my last straw, I guess.

So if you are the same person as in my DMs, I'm finally giving you a response (and if you're not the same person – which I highly doubt – then I'm speaking to both of you).

Firstly, I want to say that I am sorry that your worldview is so limited that this is your stance and feelings on gay/queer ship content for Sebastian and Ominis.

Next, I ask that you please:

Don't make your homophobia anyone else's issue but your own. Don't come into DMs/ask inboxes/comments to make your discomfort with the content I create my problem. I don't know what you hoped to accomplish by sending this message but it's unlikely that you'll find the same feelings or sympathy from the person who is actively creating queer/sebinis content.

Curate your own online experience. Once again, do not make your content consumption anyone else's problem but your own. The "unfollow" button is there. Tumblr has a tag filtering system and I try to tag my art and content as accurately as possible. If you do not like something/it makes you uncomfortable, then do not continue to consume it. And if you still decide to stick around for whatever reason, then please keep your thoughts/opinions on this matter to yourself because I can promise that I don't actually care why you would continue to be here and looking at my art if it makes you unhappy.

Widen your worldview and try to reframe your perspective. Consider that Sebastian x Ominis is just as canon as Sebastian x f!MC or Ominis x f!MC. As much as we like to ship our various MCs with the canon characters, MC never actually amounts to canonically being confirmed as anything but being just friends with everyone. Using the "they are just best friends" / "why can't they just be portrayed only as friends" could literally be applied to just about any other non-canon/non-confirmed ship between friends regardless of gender. If even one of them, Ominis or Sebastian, was portrayed as cis female in canon, I would suspect that you would better "understand" why a ship between these two "friends" may exist. Then also consider a cis male MC; it's possible you may suddenly reframe all the interactions between Ominis x m!MC or Sebastian x m!MC in your head to be "totally platonic/friendly". Your issue is certainly not with their canon relationship vs. fandom portrayal (but I think we both know that).

Educate yourself. Go outside and meet and talk to people, I dunno. It is 2024 my dude. I don't even know how you're on Tumblr – the most queer-friendly social media site – with those kind of narrowed views and stigma.

I would like to finish by saying: I don't wish you the best. What I do wish is for you to learn, grow, and be better than this.

And also please stop sending me messages of this nature, because the next ask or DM I get like this, we're moving on to blocking at this point. And if your purpose was to get me to stop, I can tell you that these messages have only fueled the explicit sebinis smut maker in me. 😤

[spot-of-tea]

Okay headcanon time.

So for ages I’ve always wondered whether magic can be inherited or not. So like if your parents are powerful wizards chances are you’ll be one too. So the main reason I've always thought this is due to the fact that whenever you see a powerful character and are then introduced to a family members of theirs, that family member is as powerful or more so.

And I have examples. But I am gonna put a read more cause this is gonna get looooooong.

There's also gonna be spoilers beyond this point if you haven't watched the anime or read the manga.

So first off Laxus is a powerful wizard, he's an s-class wizard at a young age. While you could always say that that is due to his lacrima, I've always believed him to have the potential for powerful magic but because he was born sickly he could never fully achieve it. But then you look at his family and both his dad and grandfather are both powerful wizards. I mean Makarov is a wizard saint, not many get more powerful than that. Even looking back further, while we don't see the full extent of Yuri's magic in action he does appear to be somewhat powerful from the get go.

Then we move onto Cana. Guildarts is considered the most powerful member of Fairytail, the top ranked S-class mage who was even allowed to try a 100 years quest. Cana has shown multiple times how powerful she is, she's the only person in the guild whos been able to wield fairy glitter.

Then we have Erza, now from the very beginning Erza is shown to be an absolute powerhouse, from meeting her it would be easy to assume that she gained her power through grit and determination. However, we are then introduced to one Irene Belserion. Now Irene is cast as a pretty badass person from the start so you can definitely see where Erza gets parts of her personality from. Magically speaking Irene is said to be one of the top members of the spriggan twelve. Now when we first meet a member of the spriggan twelve we meet Brandish who is most likely one of the less powerful ones, but still her magic is described as overwhelming, so Irene's magic must be even more so.

Now Lucy is an interesting case, while Layla did in fact open (and likely closed) the eclipse gate on her own when it required both Lucy and Yukino to do so later, she (if I remember correctly) also had a pre-existing condition which made her magic less powerful? That being said it's shown that she was already a remarkable wizard and even held the respect of Aquarius who seems to have taken her death very hard. Going further back though we also have Anna Heartfilia, Lucy's ancestor. She's described as being one of the most powerful celestial spirit mage of all time.

Now finally while we don't ever learn about their parents or see if either was canonically powerful. I feel it's safe to assume that at least one of their parents was quite powerful. Natsu and Zeref are revealed to be canonically siblings. Now before we get this reveal you would assume that Zeref is only that powerful because of how long he's been alive for and has accumulated that power over the centuries. But we can then assume that he was already pretty powerful at a young age, I imagine had things worked out he would've used the eclipse gate himself instead of teaming up with Anna. We also see that Natsu is already one of Fairytail's powerhouses (honestly why he's not S-class yet is something I'll never understand). So I can imagine that the both of them had the potential for being powerful wizards long before either of them cast their first spell.

Whew. okay I'm done, I'm sorry this got so long, it's been bugging me for so long. I do want to stress that this may not be 100% accurate but this is just my own interpretation and headcanon.

But yeh let me know what you think and if you want to add anything else to this go ahead, I'm always interested to hear what others have to say.

[gilverrwrites]

Hellooo, I hope ur doing well ;) Can I request Bruce Wayne/Batman for the headcanon meme ? I know this is a lot and I apologise in advance lol, but I’m genuinely so interested about your takes on Bruce 🫶🏼 Hi anon, I hope you don't mind but I'm posting this as a text post so I can add a read more to it. Thank you so much for the ask, I'm honored that you're curious my HCs. Again thank you, and have a super rest of your day! 💖💖💖

• what religion are they? how do they practice? Canonically, I believe he was raised catholic, and identifies as an atheist because if there was an all knowing God, why would he let Gotham exist as it is?

But I’ve always had trouble rationalising religion in comics. I’m also an atheist but if I’d met/knew Gods literally walked the Earth (Zeus for example) I would be having a crisis of faith. Pretty sure Superman once met the Christian God? Bruce clearly has a stronger sense of belief than I.  

So, practice wise; Growing up would be church on Sundays, grace before dinner. Nightly prayers. Once his parents had passed, while Bruce would be questioning his faith, I don’t think Alfred would have enforced such things if Bruce didn’t want to continue practicing.

• what holidays do they decorate for? For the longest time he didn’t decorate for any. Alfred decorated at least for Christmas every year, but Bruce stopped noticing once he became Batman.

It wasn’t until a young Dick mentioned he’d never been trick or treating that Bruce started to put the effort in. That year Dick had the best Robin Hood costume, Bruce dressed as Little John, and Alfred as Friar Tuck. Not only did Dick get to go trick or treating, but Bruce and Alfred decked out the front yard for any local kids too.

When thanksgiving rolled around, Alfred was delighted that Bruce seemed to care about it again, having gone out to buy new centre pieces. And that year was the first year since he was child that Bruce helped put up the Christmas decorations.

Every year he tried to one up the last, however, his presence on the day dwindles until Dick goes off to college and Bruce’s motivation to care about such frivolous things while Gotham needs him is gone. But this exact process repeats with every adopted child until there’s always somebody home, be they young and living with him or old and visiting.

• what clubs / sports were they involved in as a child / teenager When he dropped out of school, that also meant quitting any clubs and sports. The lack of team sports is probably a contributing factor to his inability to communicate well with others outside of strategy. However, prior to that he was a Cub Scout, as well as tennis and fencing (fuckin’ Rich kids).

Post homeschool (much like in the Gotham TV show) Alfred ensured Bruce was still doing outdoorsy activities; camping, hiking, learning survival skills. As well as Bruce insisting on multiple forms of combat training. He continued fencing.

• do they take any medications? No. That’s not to say he shouldn’t be on medication, he just doesn’t. Hard to speak to a professional when you can only tell them half of your life.

He does however take daily vitamins along with his protein, creatine etc. If he’s not taking supplements, Alfred is sneaking them into his food. He eats nothing but protein, gotta make sure he’s getting his nutrients somewhere.

• do they watch the olympics? do they prefer summer or winter Rarely has the time. But if and when he does sit down to watch I’d say his preferred watches are; tennis, fencing, boxing, and judo. Sports that mean something to him. For that reason he also prefers the summer games over winter.

• what are they like when they're sick? Nightmare. Alfred is a saint for putting up with it, honestly. That WFA comic where he’s trying desperately to get back to work whilest injured is 100% accurate to my imaginings. Even when he’s too sick to move, he’s still thinking up ways he can sneak out of bed, wondering if he should build a batlaptop for these sorts of occasions.

Crime is never sick; therefore Batman can’t be sick!

• what do they usually buy in a gift shop? It varies from place to place but typically:

Fridge magnet and/or some other small kitchen accessories for Alfred.

Stationary for Damian.

Preferably a cola drink, but if not a snack for Tim. He’s specifically looking for decorative packaging that can be saved. [See this Tim HC]

Pin badges for Babs.

Postcards for Dick.

An oversized hoodie for Cass. Black only.

An oversized hoodie for Steph. Tacky only.

Keying for Jason.

Puzzles or decorative decks of playing cards. (Duke is into tabletop card games, Bruce thinks they’re the same thing)

A coffee mug for himself.

• what color was their childhood bedroom? Blue, and it’s still blue but a lot of the furniture has changed. Can’t sleep in a kids bed forever.

Most of the new furniture is sleek, modern looking and black. He likes the gothic style, but this is where he often brings his dates/hook up, and the minimalist style suits his image better.

The old bed, desk, toy box etc haven’t been thrown out or anything, they’ve been used by most of his family as they’ve grown up and are currently in Damian’s room. Everyone who has used the desk (B included) has carved their their initials on the underside of it.

• what does a typical day off work look like for them? A day off? What’s that? Seriously, even if he’s not being Batman, he’s being Brucie, Mr Wayne, Matches, or Dad or even just working out.

On the rare, rare, rare occasions he’s not doing any of those things, the first thing he does is sleep in. He probably needs to sleep for 5 days straight, but he’ll only sleep until 10/11ish.

By now he’s missed breakfast (which is served from 8-9), so he’s latching onto the first person to pick up the phone and taking them out for brunch. By now he’s already itching to get back in the cave, and to thwart this he forces himself to stay in the city; go to a museum, walk in that park, visit a friend, go shopping for (another) new watch, anything but return home.

Will surprise Damian by picking him up from school. Damian, as he gets older externally complains and cringes more and more, but he loves it.

When they get home, he becomes a nuisance until dinner, offering help to everyone with anything to distract himself. It’s appreciated but nobody needs help with homework or housework.

After dinner is the home stretch, and the easiest part. He gathers as many people as he can in the family room for films or games, and by the time they’re done it’s bedtime.

He’s in the batcave at midnight.

• how many pillows do they sleep with? One. He has at least ten in the bed, every night she shifts all but his favourite to the floor, and every morning Alfred makes the bed and puts them all back and arranges them perfectly.

• what's their least favorite chore? He rarely does chores, but Alfred must have time off. The first time he took a week off since Bruce became Batman was the first time he realised the impracticality of having a CAVE! So much sweeping and dusting and everything smells damp, he has no idea how Alfred keeps it liveable because after 2 days Bruce was overwhelmed and ready to risk it all by moving everything upstairs.

• how often do they do their laundry? He doesn’t. If Alfred isn’t available, he’s been specifically instructed to take anything that needs cleaning to the dry cleaners. Not because he’s incapable of doing laundry, he’s not completely inept at doing normal things. He just thinks he can do it better. Which often results in the washer-dryer being ‘upgraded’ in ways that nobody ever needs, and Alfred hates it.

• what is their favorite wine / liquor? Prefers wine to spirits, specifically red. Or better yet, champagne.

When he does drink spirits he leans towards brandy, the same kind that his mother would drink.

• what is their favorite scent of candle? Citrusy, fresh scents. Something strong that pierced the musty smell of the Batcave or the damp of the city. Sage & citrus, lemon lime, maybe even mint cucumber.

• what's their guilty pleasure tv show? Again, he rarely watches TV. But I think at least once while on ordered bed rest he ‘accidentally’ watched every season of the Kardashian’s. He 'hated' every second.

He’s assigned all of his children a Kardashian and keeps up to date with every episode, just as a person who hates the show would do. He will never tell anyone else.

Tim knows. Bruce knows that Tim knows but they’ve never discussed it. Tim has never seen a single episode, but he’s seen memes, and will quote them in front of people to make Bruce sweat.

• have they ever done volunteer work? Bruce is a known philanthropist. The Wayne Foundation is a non-profit which primary cause is funding charities, hospitals, medical research, urban renewal, etc.

He puts a lot of money into The Wayne Hospital (or whatever its called dependant on the media). He also funds a lot of youth centres, and rehabilitation centres.

But as for actual hands-on charity work, no. It anything it would cause more harm than good.

Could you imagine being homeless, starving, at your lowest, and when you arrive there’s fucking media vans and photographers everywhere, cataloguing your worst? And then inside, the herald prince of the city that has screwed you over, billionaire Brucie Wayne is serving you ladles of dirt-cheap slop? You'd be mortified, pissed.

• do they listen to music or watch tv more often? Definitely music. TV is time consuming; music is easier to multi-task. I don't think he listens to much of anything other than classical and meditative music. Maybe some kind of classic rock workout playlist on Spotify that Babs occasionally hacks into and keeps adding back-to-back plays of Black Betty. Bruce gets so into his workouts that he doesn't notice until one day he realises he's done a 2-hour cardio session and Black Betty has been playing the entire time.

• do they watch the superbowl even if they aren't into football? Not into football and barely has the time. However, when it's football season, the men (and some women) in his social circles go crazy for it, so he keeps up with the matches through news reports and tries to watch the final, Batman missions permitting.

(Psst. I'm from the UK and know nothing about American football. I presume the Superbowl is preceded by a series of tournament matches like euro football (soccer) is?)

• do they collect anything? Children

Watches, and cars. Later in life, he's fixed on these things a lot more, because he's been collecting them for so long. But they started purely as a way to fit in with his high society peers. To make him appear more normal.

Imagine that scene in American Psycho where they're comparing busisness cards, but it's Gotham’s richest competing over who has the latest watch, the nicest vintage car etc. Now that he knows what he likes he's more focused in on those; he like vintage European watches and American cars.

I also love the idea that Dick once bought him an ugly novelty tie (completely earnestly) on like his second Christmas at the Manor, and that quickly became a tradition. Every year he gets a new tie, the most hideous the kids can find, and the following year, Bruce wears it during Christmas dinner.

• what hill are they willing to die on? Mint is the superior dessert flavour, milkshakes, ice cream, Oreos, coffee syrups. Dark chocolate and mint = peak.

[nightcolorz]

Armand surgical malpractice meta (spoilers for TVA)

It’s, at least from what I’ve seen, a pretty popularly agreed upon conception that Armand’s mutation of Claudia b4 her death as described in TVA didn’t actually happen..partly bcus it’s such a drastic and grotesque retcon from her death in interview with the vampire so lots of ppl don’t want to address it as canon, and partly bcus it’s so bizarre and seemingly unprompted in context that it just seems more plausible that Armand would make this up as some sort of twisted shock value rather then actually do it. I used to buy into this theory and never rlly thought about it beyond that, and today for the first time I thought about it deeply and realized. Damn I rlly disagree! I think that Armand 100% canonically chopped Claudia’s head off and sewed it onto an adult body. I believe it happened as told. And I have many reasons !

First and foremost I don’t think that Armand is actually capable of lying so deliberately in this context. Interpreting most tvc narrators as potentially lying to our faces and intentionally twisting events to suit a narrative and a purpose of dictating our perception of them is, I think, accurate and justified, and smth I love about this fandom. Everyone is not to be trusted 100%, especially Louis and Lestat, who are said and implied many times to have completely fabricated some events in the books for the sake of painting a picture. Tvc serve as this over arching plot about multiple conflicting characters manipulating events of their lives to suit a narrative that we as the audience can pick apart and discover the truth within. Very much “this bitch said WHAT about me?? that dumb cunt is always spreading lies smh, it actually happened LIKE THIS” (they r both not telling the full truth). Armand however is very much an outlier here, and it’s part of what makes TVA so unique as a chronicle. It’s a big part of his character throughout the series, in TVA and leading up to TVA, that Armand’s way of thinking is so dysfunctional and his memory is so flawed (bcus of all his trauma) (and neurodivergence) (imo) that he isn’t able to fully conceptualize the events of his life as chronological and meaningful in the way that one would need to do to be able to write a memoir.

He can’t describe events in broad strokes, or wrap his head around a vast emotional impact in a way that is explanatory or intentional. Think of that conversation he has with Daniel in queen of the damned, where he explains that he isn’t capable of telling Daniel what his life in the past “was like” because that’s a concept incomprehensible to him. He only knows what happened, not what it was like, not how it affected him or how it shaped his personhood, what it means etc. It’s a form of dissociation almost. The vampire armand is the first time in Armand’s vampiric life that he self reflects beyond acknowledging events and his emotions in that moment, it’s the first time he attempts to make connections and understand himself in a way that is narrative and structured and not fragmented bits of history and A names. Part of this requires further dissociation. I definitely get the impression that since Armand is being so vulnerable in a way he is so unused to, yet is so significant, he is unable to register while he’s talking that not only David, but millions of people including every vampire in the world, will know what he says. He’s just laying himself completely bare, he’s talking and talking and only once he finishes realizes oh. Oh. everyone’s going to read this huh. It’s so cathartic he doesn’t consider that in the moment. It’s the first time he’s ever been capable of reckoning with his life in a self reflective way, of looking at it and explaining it and reasoning with it, structuring it in order, not fragments, etc, seeing the cause and the impact and touching on an overall conclusion (tho he never entirely gets there). These baby steps are so difficult for him already, and considering this part of his character I really think it’s a stretch to say that Armand would be capable of the thought process in his book of pure venting to go “maybe I should twist the truth here or change this or add this or lie about this so people will think of me this way or so Lestat can see this, etc” TVA is unreliable, more so bcus of how mentally ill armand is and how little he understands his own life and emotions, but not deliberately like iwtv and tvl. Armand even says that the book was for Benji and Sybelle, but it’s so unfiltered and horrific and vent-like that this sounds ridiculous. He doesn’t even have his stated audience in mind while he’s telling his story, let alone his broader audience. The audience was a complete afterthought, a barely registered consequence. So why would he lie about Claudia? How would he be capable?

it’s another common piece of conversation around this part of TVA where we go, Armand discusses how he never would want to tell this to Louis bcus he knows how badly it would hurt him, so why did he describe it so graphically? Well, cause of all I mentioned. It seems pretty clear to me that armand is almost haunted by the affair with Claudia, and he has no way of lying about this, so his descriptions seemed very much to me like a desperate bit of venting. He has never told anyone how horrific it actually was and it’s always been in his mind, so he just lets it all out. Makes sense, but the broader question is, if Armand wasn’t lying…why did he do that at all?? This I think is so interesting.

To understand this I had to think a lot about Armand’s motivations for killing Claudia at all, which is well, simply, revenge against Lestat and claiming of Louis without barriers. If Claudia dies Lestat will be sad and Louis will be mine and mine alone 👍👍 etc. but Claudia’s mutation was not rooted in either of these motivations, which is part of why it’s so shocking. He didn’t do it to hurt Lestat, lestat never found out. It just seems so odd and unprompted. But once I thought more about why Armand hates Lestat, and why he wants to hurt him by killing Claudia, it started to fit into place. Armand’s hatred for Lestat is rooted very much in his twisted resemblance to Marius that he perceives as being very strong and basically mocking. When he first sees Lestat in tvl he’s repulsed by him instantly bcus he sees him as this parody of Marius, this beautiful blonde man in striking red robes who boldly and carelessly defies the laws of vampires established by the children of Satan as if they are meaningless to him, revels in the indulgent world of humans like he belongs there, shamelessly as armand devotes himself to miserable repression. It strikes a nerve for armand, feels very personally offensive to him, like the embodiment of the traits that got Marius’s destroyed r coming back to mock him in his face. And then as he gets to know Lestat more deeply he only hates him more, bcus Lestat is not only bold and careless, but he’s immature and stupid, and he knows nothing. Armand in his horribly traumatized mind set registers Lestat as “like Marius” and takes this to mean “maybe he can save me, maybe he will teach me and free me from this hell, guide me and give me the purpose I need to be given.” But Lestat does not do this, lmfao. He actually destroys any sense of purpose armand had, rips him from his safety net, and when Armand begs for guidance, asks to be allowed to travel alongside Lestat so he can learn to be a person again, Lestat denies him. The only purpose he bothers to give him is the scraps, symbolic of his perverse indulgence that Armand despises, and fucks off. Lestat is grotesquely reminiscent of Marius, in the worst ways. It’s like his presence alone opens Armand’s eyes to how badly Marius has ruined him. He was the sun, the purpose, the guiding light, and then it was ripped away, and there was nothing else without him. Just a void.

So Armand hates Lestat for this very personal mockery of his own plight, and this hatred spirals into unbridled rage when Lestat returns to him and expects Armand to give Lestat the assistance that he denied him. Not only this, but Lestat found Marius, found marius and was granted guidance and love that Marius refused to give Armand after his indoctrination into the children of Satan. And Marius told Lestat to never ever do what he did, never make an Armand, because Armand was a mistake, he was too young to be a vampire, and now he’s a mistake he will never forgive himself for. And with this immense privilege that Armand spent a huge chunk of his life yearning for, guidance from Marius when he was his most lost, Lestat decides to disregard it. He decides that since Marius said it was bad to turn a child as young as Armand, he’d turn a child even younger then Armand, just cuz. He is once again the embodiment of Marius’s sins, the grotesque parody. Marius turned a teenager, Lestat turns a five year old. It’s almost cruel in how mocking it is, almost intentional in how personal. So Claudia is this child, this deliberate mistake made by someone who knew her turning would be harmful to her but was selfish enough not to care, then went on to regret it when he has to reckon with the consequences. Seem familiar? Armand sure thought so. So I imagine that being alone with Claudia, looking this deeply sad reflection of his own agony in the eyes, knowing she is about to die for justice against a warped parody of his Maker, for the sake of punishment for her own existence, I imagine this struck a cord of insanity in Armand’s fucked up mind, caused him to loose his absolute shit for just long enough to go what if I can fix her, what if I can turn this narrative around, give her the remarkable ending I know deep down that she, I , will never be granted. What if I can give her a body that will reflect her mind? What if I can make this abomination into a miracle? No wonder he pulled out the surgical tools 😭 No wonder he was so horrified by his own actions when he came to his senses, no wonder he refused to share this, kept it to himself for so long, until he finally broke and confessed it all in a desperate moment when he was too caught up in the dam breaking to realize he’d be exposing this horrific action to the world.

Armand sees Claudia as a repulsive mistake that should’ve never existed made by Lestat to deliberately mock him up until the surgery, when then for only a moment lost to time ended in blood she is another child who had her life taken from her too soon by an egotistical blonde man who thought he could play god with someone’s life. “They were done for anyway, he was going to starve to death in a brothel, she was going to die as a street orphan, the blood would be a service to them, a chance they never had” But they both know that’s a lie they tell themselves to justify the act of taking a child and molding it into what they please for fun, for pleasure, for companionship, just to see what would happen. Armand sees this for a moment and wants to give her a chance, give them both a chance, wants to see her as an adult, as someone who could have a life. And then of course, we know how that turns out 😭