#not calling myself a lesbian this time around because an angry anon came after me for not respecting the sanctity of homosexuality last tim

[pinksilvace]

Her feminine wiles and mental disorders have bewitched me <3

(Storyboard by Yasmin Khudari)

[justcallmenikki7]

Regretful Choices

Pairing: BTS x Reader (Poly!Au) Summary: You get into an argument with your boyfriends, and you decide to take matters into your own hands. Warnings: Poly!Au, angssst, fluff, hurt/comfort, guilty bts, bts being dicks and making reader feel bad for her sexuality?? (trust me they’re angry and say stuff that they shouldn’t), crying bts, angst beginning with happy ending, jealous bts, bts being good guys but making dumb word choices. W.C.: 2k Request: Anon Said- Hey Love, just wanted to know if i could request OT7 getting jealous of their O/C slow dancing with someone else at a party after they had been in an argument (if not just ignore this ily💞) Notes: I am finally done with this semester and now I am constantly working :). And the title is shit i am so sorry lmao

Going from a happy moment with your boyfriends to a yelling, name calling argument moment in a span of five minutes surprises you how fast things can change. Truthfully, it is not your fault – but the boys think differently all because you were caught hanging out with your lesbian best friend Maria. Yes, you can see where they are coming from because you and Maria did have sex before, but that was because she was wanting to help you discover your sexuality. Going to her was your best bet since you trust her, and there are no strings attached. Plus, that was seven years ago when the both of you were in high school. But that fact does not change the way the boys think about the situation.

“Why are you getting so defensive, Y/N?” Yoongi spoke in a cold, distant voice. “What are you trying to hide, huh?”

Him implying on you cheating on them felt like you were punched in the chest. Looking at your boyfriends closely, you could tell that they are on Yoongi’s side, not trying to step in and say different, not even to defend you. “You guys think I would do that?” You asked with a broken voice.

Shrugging his shoulders, Jungkook gave you a look that was so foreign to you. “I don’t know, you tell us. Would you, Noona? You seem pretty close to Maria and let’s add on to the fact you hooked up with her in the past. Seems pretty…sneaky.”

Not knowing what to do, or say, you reached your hand up to your neck, grabbing the necklace the boys got you for your six months anniversary, and you yanked to where it broke from the force of your yank. The boy’s eyes became wide, almost scared even. “Fuck you all. If you are going to use my discovery of sexuality against me, then you are all hypocrites. You guys are childish and narcissistic assholes. My and Maria’s ‘hook up’ was seven fucking years ago, before I knew any of you. I can see where the trust lies in the relationship. But what is the kicker is that I did everything for you guys. I sacrificed so much to be with you, but I guess this is my slap in the face. So, you know what? I am leaving.” Walking over to the door, grabbing your phone and purse on the way out, you slammed open the door to the dorm before slamming it shut with a lot of force.

Once you got two blocks away, you found a bench to sit on and broke down.

Back at the dorm, the seven men were all stunned into silence. What just had happened is now catching up to them, the guilt now taking over their conscious and mind – especially Yoongi and Jungkook.

Standing up from the couch that he was sat on, Yoongi walked over to where you threw the necklace down, bending down and picking it up. The gold necklace that had a heart on it felt like a brick in his hand, a wake-up call to him. Bottom lip wobbling, tears forming in his eyes, the silver haired man let out a gasp.

“I fucked up,” Yoongi spoke. “I fucked up so bad.”

“We fucked up,” Namjoon spoke up. “We all did, not just you Yoongi.” The leader stated in an authoritative tone, already knowing that he is in the wrong.

“I made Noona leave,” Jungkook whimpered out, seeking comfort from his hyung, Seokjin. “I trust Noona! I promise hyung, I do.” Too lost in his emotions and guilt, Jungkook began to voice his wrongful actions and words, apologizing for everything, even though you are not to hear it.

After two hours of sobbing, mainly from Jungkook, and getting eaten alive from guilt, everyone had calmed down(ish).

“Do you think she’ll take us back?” Taehyung asked in a croaky voice, looking at his hyung, Namjoon.

“I hope so, but there is a huge chance that she won’t. She probably, more than likely, believes that we do not trust her and see her as a cheater.” Namjoon knows that his words hurt Jungkook since he was the one who implied that, but he had to be realistic. “It isn’t a promise, Taehyung.”

And with that statement, the boys all sat quietly in the living room, trying to think on how they can get you back.

It has been two weeks since the fight, or breakup.

And you are doing terrible. You have not showered in six days, to depressed to even move from your bed, or to do anything in general. The one thing that you have been successfully to do is not answering the text messages and calls from your ex-boyfriends. Seeing their names pop up on your phone always clenches your heart because you want to answer the call so badly, but you just physically cannot do so. The words, the implying of what you supposedly did, the looks they gave you; it is all a constant reminder.

“Why are we here?” You groaned to your best friend, Jisoo as she pushed you through the crowded bar, trying to find a place to sit at.

“Because you are lying in bed miserable, which is agonizingly painful to watch. Plus, you have been locked up in your house for two weeks straight and you need to get out some more. So, me being the bestest friend in the whole wide world took this into my own hands.” Jisoo grinned at you with her dazzling smile.

Rolling your eyes, you mumbled your own thoughts, earning a smack from Jisoo. Going to smack her back, you were stopped abruptly, accidentally bumping into Jisoo’s back. “Why did you—” You stopped mid-sentence, seeing why your best friend had stopped in mid walk. There, at least twenty feet away from you were the seven men that caused you pained for the last two weeks.

To your luck, they spotted you right away, stares burning right through you. The overwhelming feeling of needing to cry took over your body, making you turn around, only to be stopped by your best friend.

“No,” she protested, “you are not allowing them to run your life. We are going to have a grand time tonight even though they are here.” With that, she continued her way to the booth she laid eyes on, you cowering away from their stares.

An hour later, three tequila shots in, you are doing fine. You are smiling, joking around with Jisoo and the two guys who decided to join you both fifteen minutes into the night. But you could not deny that you are yearning for your ex boyfriends touch, hugs, and the sound of their voices. You know that they are watching you, the constant feeling of eyes on you letting you know that they are.

“Hey!” Jackson, the guy who has been sitting by you all night yelled over the music, “Want to dance?” He asked, a tipsy smile on his face.

Hearing the invite, Jisoo gave you a thumbs up from across the table. Not seeing anything wrong with the invite, you nodded your head with a smile on your face. “Sure!” You yelled your answer.

Dragging you onto the dance floor, Jackson grabbed your hand and began leading you into the twist dance, earning a laugh from you. Following his movements, the both of you fell into a fit of giggles and grins. Not noticing the figures coming up behind you, you yelped in surprise when you felt a hand grip your arm and pull you back into their chest, breaking the grip that you and Jackson held onto each other’s hands.

Turning around, you came face to face with Jungkook. Ripping your arm away, you carefully hid the longing feeling of his touch by glaring at him, along with the other six, and moving away from them. “What do you want?” You sneered, the anger and pain that you have felt the last two weeks are now surfacing.

“Why are you dancing with him?” Taehyung asked, glaring at Jackson.

“Because I can?” You answered, the answer being more of a question. “Why do you care? Are you going to start—”

“Can we please talk somewhere private?” Namjoon asked, more like pleaded. “Please?” He asked again.

Rolling your eyes, you agreed anyways. “Sure.” Turning around to Jackson, you gave him a small smile and told him that you will see him later.

Leaning against the wall, you picked at your nails, wanting some sort of distraction from the elephant in the room.

“We miss you.” Jimin blurted out, not being able to take the silence.

Looking up shocked at his confession, you tried to keep the tears and emotions at bay. “What?”

Sighing angrily, the anger more at himself than you, Yoongi ran his hands down his face. “We miss you, Y/N, so fucking much. We are so sorry.”

Snorting, “you think that I am supposed to believe that?”

Frowns covered all of the boys faces. “You don’t believe us?” Seokjin asked wearily.

“I mean, not really. You guys accused me of being ‘sneaky,’ thinking that I am sleeping with Maria and cheating on you guys. Plus, you basically shamed me of my sexuality and made me feel like shit. You guys decided to accuse me of something, not even try to listen to my side of the story, and gang up on me instead of sitting down, like adults, and talk about this. So, yes, thinking that you guys miss me is kind of hard to believe.”

“You didn’t even answer our calls and texts. You decided to ignore us!” Jungkook yelled, becoming emotional.

“How am I supposed to face you guys after that?! You embarrassed me and made me feel so belittle and ashamed of myself. How am I supposed to pick up the phone and face you?” You shot back, quickly wiping the tear that fell down your cheek.

“Sunshine,” Hoseok began, “we are so sorry. You are right, we should’ve sat down like mature adults and talk about this. We acted on emotions instead of logical thinking. You are not sneaky, you’re truthful, loving, faithful. You do so much for us, love us so much, support us to no end and we threw it into your face like assholes. We hate ourselves for what we have done to you. But if you give us a second chance, let us prove to you that we are not assholes.” Hoseok spoke up, tears streaming down his face.

Biting your lip, you thought for a moment.

You love these seven idiotic, dumbass, loving boys. You know that they are sorry, you know them like the back of your hand, like how they know you. You also know that everyone makes mistakes and do deserve a second chance. This is the first time that something like this has happened, it is not like it is a reappearing thing. At the end of the day, you see yourself with them for forever. And at the end of the day, you know that you love them with all of your heart.

“You guys are lucky that I love you so much,” your voice broke at the end, and you knew that they heard you. In a split second, you found yourself wrapped up in their arms, breaking down into a sob.

“We love you so much, Jagi,” Namjoon mumbled into your forehead, kissing it right after.

“Forever and always,” you said back.

[gatheringbones]

to the person who left three paragraphs in my inbox this morning:

I'm going to try and tackle what I think was the question you were asking, and I am going to try to do so in a way that honors how you clearly tried to swallow a great many hurt and upset and threatened feelings in order to try to connect with me for just a moment to tell me how much harm I was causing. And please bear with me for a minute, because there's a few things I'll need to get out of the way  before I do that.

First of all, I didn't dither over whether or not I should publish your asks and deal with them point by point as directly as possible— I will not be doing that. I did briefly consider whether or not I could quote portions of it and  use that to try to speak to you using your own words, but I don't think there's a way to do that safely. But what your question came down to, essentially, was "Why am I being shunned?" and that's where it might be helpful to point to your messages and pull them apart and pin the most pertinent bits to a piece of cardboard, but I won't be doing that either. Frankly, it seems just as unkind as allowing people that I love to come across what you wrote when they are unprepared and there's just as good of a possibility of them being hurt by it. And I don't love you anon, I don't know you, and I don't think that you love or know me either, but in this circumstance I think it's best to behave as if I don't wish to harm you or add any more shame or anger to what you've got going on already, and that seems close enough.

(You get it, right? We don't know each other, but you get that I love some trans people, specifically, and personally, and when you love people you protect them from things like this right? You get that when vulnerable people occupy these lesbian-adjacent identities it's very easy for them to be scorched by the wrong information presented the wrong way at the absolute wrong time, right? You don't have to be trans for this to happen, you can be anyone, you can even be like you were as you described, being inundated by information that what you were was incorrect, that other people knew better, and you were scared enough and ashamed enough and isolated enough to buy into. It was so innocuous, wasn't it? They were just articles. They were just articles telling you the right way to be what you wanted to be. Looked at in a certain way, they were only trying to motivate you, and feelings of shame and not belonging are powerful motivators, attach them to a rocket ship and you'll be on the dark side of the moon in the blink of an eye. You get it, right? You get why I don't want to do that to people I love?)

But why are you being shunned, and why can't we talk about it?

I'm still turning that one over. I do want to answer the question, but it's a gnarly one ain't it? And I suppose that I feel motivated to at least try because I can see how hard you were trying to not be angry, to not shout at me, to not say anything cruel, and those were all wonderful impulses. I fully believe that it was the best you were capable of at the time. I fully believe that you worked very hard to reach out to me and ask a very painful question that was rooted in the sorest parts of you and that you hoped that I would respond with kindness. Being angry at something like that is difficult, and as much as I wrestled with how to answer this and as many emotions as it brought up, anger didn't seem to make much of an appearance. Mostly I felt very sad, if that makes sense. Mostly I wanted to go back in time and disable your internet connection and take you by the hand and lead you to some people who shared the dream that you had once about how you wanted to relate to gender and culture and tenderness and power, people who would speak to you wiser and better than I am speaking to you now. I think those people would look at the materials you consumed that hurt you so badly, that filled you with shame and confusion and left you feeling very alone, snort once and loudly, and take you out fishing in a heartbeat. I don't think there would be too many lectures on who you were supposed to be on that fishing trip anon. I think there'd be a lot of sitting in silence watching the water while the both of you got to be exactly who you were, and if you were motivated by anything after that they would make damn sure it wouldn't be by shame.

Did you have many of those anon? Were you exposed to the kinds of people those articles said didn't and couldn't exist, or if they did exist they did so incorrectly, with the wrong verbiage, and the wrong attitude? I think people like that produce the opposite of that scorching effect I mentioned earlier,  the one I said I didn't want to inflict on people that I love. Have you gone back and read about them at least? They wrote a lot back in the day; breaking into tv and movies was pretty difficult, but by and large they're a writerly crowd. It's harder with articles, because as you can see there's a lot of articles out there written with that scorch effect expressly in mind, so it's hard to pick your way through without getting injured. But the books exist. Some of the authors are what you would call women, cis women, who I don't think threaten and upset you as much, and I think that's important for you right now because I think that when you feel threatened and upset (and ashamed) that's where the communication breaks down. I think that's the point where all of this becomes so much harder to talk about anon. I think it's all about how people respond to threats.

I think I threatened you anon, which is why I think you responded to that threat by making sure to identify me as a woman first, a cis woman, a nonthreatening identity that definitely wasn't trans, like you were trying to reassure yourself that you could let down your guard enough to be vulnerable with me, to try to at least talk to me, to get me to stop harming people like you. 

But boy, anon. Boy. The stuff that crept around the edges of that intention to do me as little harm as possible. 

Why are you being shunned, and why is this so hard to talk about?

It is hard to talk about. You're right. And I think that by not publishing your messages I am probably doing something close to shunning you, and it's probably still shunning you to say that I don't think that we should talk one on one after this, not because I hate you or dislike you or because you're dirty or evil or should be ashamed of yourself, but because those interactions are going to have costs associated with them that I want neither of us to have to pay at the moment.  I love myself too much, I love my trans and butch and all kinds of differently gendered friends too much. I don't know you, and I don't love you, but everything I do know about you tells me that this would not be loving behavior on my part. I think it would leave you feeling scorched. I think, that in this situation with the choices that I see available to me at this moment, with the knowledge and community that I have, that the best choice is let you be who you are, and hope that whatever motivated you to come to speak to me and try not to hate me and try to express some of that pain, stays with you. I think you should try to take each other out fishing. I think you should try to love each other. 

[aroworlds]

Because this is a very long, multi-part ask from an anon, I’ve copied the whole thing into a new post for ease of reading:

To be honest, in the past I was on the exclusionists’ side with the SAM (Split Attraction Model). It’s harmful! Stop forcing it on people! Attractions don’t need to be separated like that! Even though I myself am technically aroace. I was angry because I felt like I was being erased and spoken over in the ace community. I felt like I was being forced to separate my romantic and sexual attraction when they weren’t separate. It made me furious that I couldn’t make a post or comic calling myself asexual without some ace commenting, “no, asexuality is actually x aces can do/feel y that’s not what asexual means!” As if I’m confused.

So basically I hated that the SAM was forced on the word asexual any time someone used it. I’ve somewhat changed my mind recently: I now understand that splitting attraction is crucial to some people, but I do think we need something else because I can also understand genuine reasons why some are adverse to it and feel like its forced on them. There has been concern with using existing terminology and splitting them into romantic and sexual attractions.

Maybe instead of doing this we could create terms that are shorter and mean the same, combining the two attractions into one distinct identity. For example, a panromantic asexual is, uhh, tresexual? Not the real alternative–just to show what I mean. Arosexual or aseromantic could be umbrella terms for aspecs who feel one type of attraction and not the other. I’m not saying we should abandon the terms we have now.

Like I said, I’m not against the SAM any more (I’m sorry I ever was) and definitely think anyone can identify how they want. But I think we as a community need labels that are more concise and convey more information. I think it will make it easier for aspecs to find people that are most like them instead of just one part.

Just so folks know: you (general you) don’t need to insist to me that you’ve changed your ways. You don’t need to prove to me that you’ve learnt better. You can just say “I no longer believe that” and leave the conversation there. I dislike the purity culture tendency of having to constantly demonstrate one’s growth and resulting apology in order to reveal a less-palatable truth about the people we were, and I’m not going to demand it of the people who are doing the risky and dangerous thing of revealing their past in conversation with me.

We can’t grow as a community unless we talk about the beliefs we held and why we held them. We will fail in outreach to others if people don’t feel safe to talk about their history–we will fail to learn the unspoken undercurrents of why harmful attitudes are compelling. Folks who have learnt and changed are a vital bridge between two sides, and I think any requirement to constantly apologise or offer up reassurances for making a mistake long after is only going to stop the people we most need to hear from talking to us.

And oh is this a reason we need to better discuss and understand.

It is difficult to have conversations about aromanticism that encompass the non-split attractions of asexuals and aros who don’t use the SAM while still highlighting the experience of aromanticism as felt by folks (ace and allo alike) who do need the SAM. The fact that I’ve had to write out your identity with such a clumsy, ridiculous line to clarify your shape of ace against other shapes of ace encapsulates this in a nutshell: for crying out loud, asexuals who don’t use the SAM! That’s not your ace identity! The fact that I do not know a better way to talk about you (or the non-SAM-using ace character in an earlier ask) in clear, simple, concise language is a problem. I shouldn’t have to keep referencing the SAM just to clarify your particular identity and experiences. Anon, I know you live this and don’t need my explaining to you the exceedingly obvious, but I’m writing this out because my attempt to respond to you is such an example of the problem you’re discussing with how we use the SAM, and it only worsens when you have to endure folks correcting you in discussing your identity. When I can’t even respond to your asks to validate you without floundering, we have a problem.

Right now, we either push aside non-split aces and aros to focus on the rough groupings of aro, ace and aro-ace, or we settle on awkward attempts to include you. Neither is good enough.

I want to stress that you should feel angry, othered, alienated and hurt by the sheer degree of circumlocution needed to talk about your experience as distinct from folks who identify as aro-ace and alloromantic asexuals, and the corrections you endure when you do talk about who you are without it. I’ve felt the pain of losing a word myself: when I came out as agender in 2012, it meant genderless (other neutral-gender meanings now used for agender were covered by neutrois) and it is a difficult and alienating thing to see my identity used to include other experiences of having a gender. In my case, I do have the word genderless to fall back on, but I still feel divorced from a word that was once fully my own. I am still corrected by agender-as-neutral-gender folks telling me it isn’t a problem that agender is conceptualised as a gender instead of as the absence of one, even though said conceptualisation is a constant microaggression I endure from the non-binary community. We talk on the evolution of language in LGBTQIA+ communities and the importance of accepting these shifts to be more inclusive; we don’t talk about the pain of having one’s identity shift to mean broader umbrellas and how to manage when we’ve lost that precise word to say exactly who we are. We don’t validate each other in our feelings of losing language, and in not doing this, I think our activism falls short.

When we do try to talk on the pain of this language and identity loss, we’re seen as regressive or hateful–even exclusionary. We’re seen as holding back the LGBTQIA+ community’s progression and growth. Is it any wonder that some folks lean in exclusionist directions when there’s no space to recognise, discuss or explore our feelings?

The fact that ace means many things is a problem, and most of us, myself included, lean on aro-ace in our conversations because we don’t have the lexicon to handle aces and aros with non-split attraction.

At the same time, anon, I am so leery of conjuring words for allosexual aros to describe individually the combination of our split attractions.

My first argument against is that aromanticism already makes us less allosexual to non-a-specs. Conversely, allosexual attractions also tend to make us less a-spec in a-spec spaces where aro is treated as a second thought to the ace. Alloromantic asexuals have the advantage of ace being an aspect of their identity, the more recognised and centred side of the a-spec umbrella in a-spec spaces; allosexual aros have the disadvantage of being aro, the less recognised and actively de-centred side of the same umbrella in a-spec spaces. To have a word that doesn’t specify both the aromantic-spectrum or the allosexual attraction identities seems a thing that to me will be taken advantage of by allo-allo spaces and a-spec spaces alike, to further erase and deny whichever part of allo-aro they find inconvenient or difficult. It will also exclude us from the communities based around our allosexual attractions, communities that already erase and deny us.

The reason I tried to deny my pansexuality for so long, to ignore the fact that both grey-ace and ace didn’t fit me all the time (honestly: more of the time) was to better belong in a-spec spaces–to be included in the community in ways aro alone, at the time, didn’t grant me. I felt I had to be aro-ace because aro wasn’t enough to be heard and accepted. Even now, there’s little to no conversation on being gay and aro, bisexual and aro, heterosexual and aro, or lesbian and aro (amongst other allosexual aro identities) in aro-spec spaces, and language that doesn’t name our allosexual attraction, I fear, won’t halt that trend.

Secondly, our attractions are split, so why not the language used to describe it? Why shouldn’t the language directly encapsulate the nature of our identities and experiences by requiring two words to communicate it? My abrosexuality and my aromanticism are two different things–shaping each other, yes, but separate experiences nonetheless. I have no need to merge them together in a way that is unnatural to me. I want the world to see the component parts of who I am. I see your suggestion as a way to un-split our language, to create singular and unified terms for two experiences. While there’s every possibility that some folks will like this, I think it diminishes and disregards the reasons why many aro-aces (especially in aro-spec spaces) ID as aro-ace and why many allo-aros require two words.

Lastly, I do not see how the structures of the words you’ve offered are any improvement on already-extant language (like “pansexual aro”) in terms of communicating meaning when this is already communicated without undue difficulty. We already have umbrella terms in allo-aro and allo-ace; I don’t understand the point in replacing these with another single word.

The problem is not the existence and use of the SAM. The problem is not the terms aro-ace, allo-aro and allo-ace. Introducing specific un-split words for the combination of a person’s split romantic and sexual attraction isn’t a solution, anon, because it does not address the problem we’re facing in how we use language or how it is currently harming you.

The problem as I see it is that “ace” is used to mean, simultaneously, allo-ace, aro-ace, ace-spectrum and non-SAM-using-ace. That’s four different meanings and experiences attached to the same word! That is what we need to address: the fact that there is no distinct, non-clumsy term for depicting precisely how you are ace, because it can be used, alone, to mean four different things. That is where the lack of clarity lies, not in words like “pansexual aro” or “panromantic ace”. In fact, if using “allo-ace” were more common (as a descriptor, not an identity) in ace-spec spaces by allo-aces, I suspect it would be easier for you to exist as ace alone without using the SAM and enduring the “but aces can experience aromantic attraction!” corrections.

In that light, it seems to me that the easiest solution for clarity of language and expression of pride and identity is to crate a new modifying term before “ace” and “aro” for non-SAM-using aces and non-SAM-using aros. This is not a good answer and I will acknowledge that. I’m sure, anon, that you connect to ace as much as I connect to agender, that you want to use your own word to describe who you are. I’m not offering this lacking knowledge of what it’ll cost you to conjure a word that describes, solely and specifically, non-SAM-using ace when ace alone fits that use in your heart and history.

This way, though, better fits how the community already uses language; it doesn’t require a complete overhaul of established terminology. It also gives you space to communicate your shape of ace now without waiting on the rest of the ace-spec community to catch up.

I’d look at finding another word or prefix, so we have aro-aces, allo-aces and [invented word]-aces. In other words, every ace fits under the umbrella of ace with an accompanying prefix describing their shape of ace, so you don’t have to identify as aro-ace or reference the SAM at all. Uni-aces/aros? Mono-aces/aros? A prefix that means “only” or “wholly”? I don’t know what that prefix might be, and I am not the right person to choose it–this conversation should be had amongst a-specs who don’t use the SAM. I’m just throwing out a couple of words so folks get a sense of what I’m suggesting and how it might work.

I’ll stress that I don’t mean that you need to identify as [invented word]-ace: I don’t identify as allo-aro or aro-ace, but instead use those words to communicate my experiences where appropriate and as a reference to how I am aro-spec. I mean this usage in the same way: you identify as ace and ace alone, and when someone questions you or expresses confusion, this is a tool to describe how you are ace, just as allo-ace and allo-aro describes a way of being ace and aro.

I do want to conclude by validating you, again, anon, in your pain–and you are free to disagree with my conclusion, as is anyone else. Please, everyone, take my words as a discussion point, disregard them where necessary and get a conversation going, even if that conversation is proving me wrong, because we need a solution above all. I hate that in writing this post I must hurt you by using clumsy and alienating constructions to convey my meaning. There’s nothing right about my language in this post, and I am so sorry that I don’t know how better to refer to you as the ace you are and refer to, specifically, your shape of ace.

Whatever happens from this post on, we must do better.

[lesbian-ed]

🌸Hi, a few years ago when I was 16 (19 now)I was forced out to my friends by this homophobic girl, and I came out as bi (still in the closet to my family), I'm no longer friends with any of them, but I can't figure out what label I should have, I really want to just know who I am. I said to them I was bi, but I've never felt right with that label. I read about comp het and it makes so much sense to me, but I still don't know. 1/5

🌸I feel, like, attracted to male celebs, but only when they’re in films or tv, and watching interviews of them ruins it?, and whenever I’m around guys I get these thoughts I can’t control about kissing them and sleeping with them and I feel rlly self conscious, I said this to a friend who said it’s a crush, but I get it with people I don’t like at all 2/?

🌸 And sometimes I have a phase where I feel like I could date a guy and marry him and have kids and be happy but it feels like I’m imagining a perfect version of me that actually im not like at all? And as well I can only imagine myself with a young guy, once I think about a 30 yr old or older I don’t want it anymore, but the perfect fantasy seems so appealing idk 3/?

🌸I feel different about girls but I don’t know I’m catholic and I feel like it’s always been other people are gay and that’s ok but not me? And I don’t know whether I feel no attraction to girls or I’m pushing it down bc when I see girls kiss on tv I literally have started crying and I saw a lesbian couple in public once and I got butterflies and also Ive found myself changing pronouns in songs in my head without realising but I’ve never had close to a crush on anyone especially not a girl 4/5

🌸Ive never even met a gay girl except for one pan girl at school but she was really weird and rude so I don’t know what it’s supposed to be like to like someone? writing this all down it makes it sound like I’m definitely a lesbian but that scares me so much bc ill never have a normal life and I can’t shake this feeling that actually I do want to be with a guy but I’m trying to be interesting or I’m faking this or something. Pls tell me your thoughts on this 5/5

Oh, anon. This literally all feels as if my younger self came into my ask box just now to ask for advice. 

I understand your pain, I really do, I went through so many of the same thought processes you’re describing now. It’s good that you’re aware of compulsory heterosexuality, since I believe that will make sorting your feelings easier. Still, I recommend you look through our tag (if you haven’t already) to read more thoughts on this. It’ll help. 

I obviously can’t tell you what your sexuality is for you, that’s your own journey to make, but this sounds so much like my own experience that I’m pretty sure what the answer is already.

Anon, let me tell you a story, I went to a catholic school and while my parents are pretty liberal and not that religious (in fact, my dad’s an atheist) I was also raised with the idea that ok, there were gay people out there, and I didn’t care what other people did with their lives! But honestly that was kind of weird and I couldn’t be like them, because they weren’t normal, like I should be. I was bullied a lot as a kid, because I was weird and ugly and way too shy and easy to pick on, so I grew up with this idea that whatever else happened, I had to stop being like that, I had to be beautiful and normal and acceptable. And that of course included a perfect fantasy of marrying the man of my dreams after he fell in love with men when I suddenly grew up to be the most beautiful woman there was, and having kids, and holding down a successful job that I was happy doing and having lots of money and well, just having the most perfect life. How could I not want that? Ever since I was old enough to walk, society fed me the idea that this was my ideal endgame, how could we ALL not dream about that at some point? 

I used to be obsessed with those stories where the “ugly” girl suddenly turns beautiful and the Nice Perfect Popular Boy finally notices her and they get together, those stories were my dream life. As a kid and young teen I’d fantasize about them constantly, I’d make up characters that would always end up fulfilling those same tropes. It was the way to prove to all those who ever called me ugly or belittled me because I was nerdy that “see? I got the happy ending” so when I was twelve, and suddenly all the girls were having crushes on boys I felt nothing for, while I started noticing seemingly out of the blue just how incredibly beautiful so many girls my age and older were, I got veeery scared. I couldn’t like girls like that, I wasn’t like that, I was already weird and had no friends, so how could I ever hope to find a girl who liked girls who’d like me? And if I did, everyone already hated me, so how would I bear it? The stares and the insults and the danger we’d face if people saw us together on the street? So I pushed that attraction down as far as I could, I convinced myself I was actually just too inmature to start thinking about crushes and all that stuff, and obviously when I was mature enough and the time came, I’d like boys, because that’s what Normal Girls did right? And I had to be normal.

In my school’s equivalent of US’ eighth grade, a new boy came to our class, he was pretty, and friendly, and most importantly, blonde! and he was the school sports star! It felt like every movie-like fantasy I ever had come to life. Every girl was in love with him, so one time I had a dream where we were dating. I woke up being absolutely ecstatic, that must have meant I had a crush right? I liked a boy? I was definitely straight?

I never actually began feeling nervous around this boy, or looking at him any more than usual until I had this dream and decided that meant I was in love. I told a friend eventually because I was excited about being in love and the fantasy I had created for myself about our perfect relationship (which did involve us kissing and having sex, and I never actually felt turned on about it but I did imagine it a lot because it meant we were In Love, so those fantasies happen even if you don’t actually like like the person in question, dw!), and isn’t that what you do when you like someone? Gossip about it with your friends? She told some of my bullies and the dude found out, so he started laughing at me in the middle of the class and calling me ugly and saying he was traumatized at the mere idea of me liking him. 

And I… felt nothing. I was angry of course, and sad, but it was just the same anger and sadness I felt when some random I didn’t like made fun of me, it wasn’t even like what I felt when former friends said nasty stuff about me. And I wanted to be heartbroken I wanted to wallow in the misery and the drama of it, but I just wasn’t, it was the same “well this shit sucks and I’m angry about it but it happens everyday so wyd?” There was no deeper feeling there, not even any special resentment, there was nothing. I never felt anything ever again when I looked at this boy.

Now, sometime later, the same boy starts dating a girl from our class, and it was around the same time that I was coming to terms with the fact that the latent attraction I had started to feel for women when I was younger had never actually gone away but rather had grown. Things were purely about sexual attraction for me at that point, not romantic feelings. I hadn’t actually been in love with a girl either by that point. Because even tho I was accepting my sexual attraction to women, I still had the idea in my mind that ideally I would end up with a boy, because when so much of my hopes for the future relied of me being beautiful and a man falling in love with me forever and ever so that I could have a normal future, letting go of that dream took a while. I called myself bisexual for a while, only to realize very little later that it didn’t actually fit me. When I did, it was hard, because I had to re-come out again to my mom and the two friends I had told, and that really scared me, because I felt like some fake, like what I felt was not actually real. I put it off, and my friends & mom were accepting but they also were like “you’re just confused about your sexuality!!/this is just a phase!!” so that fed into my insecurities. Even when I realized I was sexually into women only, I still hadn’t fallen in love with one, so that made things more confusing for me (I hadn’t fallen for any boy other than the one I mentioned earlier and one I met on a vacation that thought I liked for like a week because he had a pretty voice and was pretty androgynous lmao, but again, no heartbreak when he went away)

Eventually, (funnily enough through fandoms and f/f ships and fics that depicted them in loving relationships, And I cried when I read about girls kissing too, at first I thought it was because I was a Good Straight Ally, but I was just a lesbian lmao) I realized that I could also be happy in a relationship with a woman, that it was not only a possible future for me, but one that I wanted, one that felt right, one in which I wouldn’t be the beautiful, perfect, feminine, smart, succesful career woman I had dreamed of as a kid, but in which I’d be me, with all my quirks and faults, with another woman with her own quirks and faults who’d love me for who I am, because that was possible! It was possible to be happy like that!. When I realized this, that me liking girls romantically and sexually, and exclusively girls was okay, it felt like a veil was lifted from my eyes. Suddenly, all the feelings and attraction I had thought I had felt for boys paled in comparison to the intensity of what I felt for women, I learned what actual sexual desire was like, I yearned for a future with a real me in it with a real woman by my side, instead of the fake ideal I’d wanted to be when I was younger. It was around that time I fell in love for the first time.

Remember how I mentioned the boy I used to “like” got a girlfriend? Well, guess who I fell for? Me and her were assigned seats together one year in high school, and I got to know her through the first term, every time liking her more and more, until one day, she just walks into class, and I think she did something different with her hair? Whatever it was, seeing her felt like someone punching the breath out of me, it felt like watching literal perfection embodied. And I was gone, I was just so so sooo gone. I felt sparks when we sat next to each other, I couldn’t stop smiling like a fool whenever I looked at her, she’d say something nice to me and it felt like my soul was flying out of my body. And of course it was idealized, it was a crush on a girl I didn’t know that well, but the feelings I had, I had for her, for her actual personality, her actual sweetness, her actual kindness, even her actual rashness sometimes, not the fantasy I had made up of her that I projected onto her like I did when I “liked” her boyfriend. I liked her as a person. Plus the intensity of both crushes was just so fucking different. When I liked her, I cried when we were apart and at the thought of her with her dumbass idiot boyfriend, I listened to a love song and could relate to it for the first time. I understood finally why people would write poetry and songs and do all sorts of crazy things for this feeling. 

Tldr: I also fantasized about the ideal boy and I was never able to allow myself to feel anything for a girl because of how much I had repressed my sexuality due to fear of backlash until I was able to recognize that yes, liking women was OK and then all my repressed feelings came pouring out like a tsunami. 

If that sounds like something you can kind of relate to, then that’s your answer anon. However, it might not be, or maybe you don’t know if it is yet. That’s alright! Sexuality can be complicated and it can take a long time to figure it out. You’re not on a deadline here, you don’t have to stress about it.

As for the normal part, yeah being a lesbian in this society sucks a lot. And I still get terrified of the idea that I will not be “normal” and that I can never be happy. Even if I know deep in my heart that I can never be happy with a man, sometimes I wonder if it’d be worth it to spare me the pain. The answer? Hell no, I’ve got one life, one, what’s the point of wasting it on loveless unfulfilled relationships when I could try to go for someone I’ll actually be happy with? There’ll be pain, of course there will be, I live in a small town and I’ve only just started meeting other lesbians & bi girls offline this year because I’ve gone to university, and I’ve only ever actually started talking to and becoming actual friends with the ones I knew online this year too because I was so terrified before! All of them tell me about their hurt, and how lesbophobia affects them a lot, and yet I see them talking about how much they love their girlfriends/wives (I don’t have that because I’m an awkward potato but I’m trying) and also other lesbians, and it gives me hope, because I can be just like them, finding genuine happiness amidst the pain.

I hope this answer helps you. 

Mod M :D 

[wittygaypuns]

I've been debating my sexuality with myself since I was 12 and I recently got to the conclusion that I like girls (the rest is unsure) I told my mom yesterday and she said she just wants me to be happy, but now I'm scared of how she might see me now. I'm scared I was only telling myself I like girls even though there's a lot of evidence. Talking to my mom also gave me the impression I don't like boys at all and now I'm having a major indentity crisis, even though I never bothered. Can you help?

Anon, what you’re going through is something that, despite what Tumblr would have you believe, is very normal for the young and queer. First, let me congratulate you on being open with your mother. It’s a big step, and often terrifying because you can truly never know how a parent will react until the moment of. 

Now, as to your feelings/worry about your sexuality and the worry that it’s genuine... I know exactly how you feel. I wasn’t always secure and happy in my sexuality. When I was young, probably 16/17 and younger, it was a huge source of strife for me despite the confidence I forced myself to carry after coming out at 13 to friends and 15 to family. Over the years, I’ve pinpointed it in myself as an unhealthy amount of internalized misogyny/homophobia. I grew up in a big household with a lot of brothers, and though my mother was always the rock of my family, between my upbringing shunning “girly” things and the knowledge deep down that I was gay, I made sure to distance myself from anything remotely feminine. This was partly personal preference, but I understand now that I always felt like it made me lesser to be perceived as female. I grew up right after the AIDS crisis had begun to settle and way before gay marriage was even being brought to the courts. Don’t Ask Don’t Tell still forced gay servicemen and women into the closet to avoid being discharged. Shit, even Ellen was canned from her own show when she came out publicly as a lesbian. There was practically no positive representation in popular media that wasn’t based largely on subtext. 

I remember how horrified I felt when I first realized I was attracted to girls. At the beginning, I said I was bisexual to avoid the idea of being fully gay and tried to shove myself into a “relationship” (I was 13, barely counts, and we never dated anyway) with the boy I had a ‘crush’ on (who, looking back, was about as feminine as they came). I got angry at my best friends for suggesting I was a lesbian even though I was slowly realizing that it was true, because growing up people would call me a little dyke because I so hated the notion of being equated with weakness that I played baseball for years. I wouldn’t play softball because that was for girls and I didn’t want to associate with them. I wanted people to think I was strong, like my brothers, but also that I was straight because girls were terrible.  I pretended to like the boy bands that were popular to avoid people thinking I liked girls. I didn’t want to be different, which is what being queer is. I equated being gay to being ostracized, not to being proud. I equated it to being disowned because my father was in school to become a pastor because I believed, wrongly, that all religious people hated the LBGTQ. 

Through time, a lot of self-hatred/self-reflection, I began to accept that I was a lesbian. But I wasn’t proud of it. I often talked about how I would rather be straight even though my friends were supportive and many would willingly get into a fight if someone insulted me for my sexuality. I still didn’t want my sexuality to be ‘all I was’ even though it’s an integral part of who I am. I would tell people I didn’t want to be wear flannels and shit because apparently, to young Witty, being “butch” was just *terrible*.  I wanted to distance myself from my sexuality. Being a teenager fucking sucked and I don’t miss it a bit.

The self-doubt stayed with me for a long time, longer than I care to admit. I would think to myself that maybe I just think I’m a lesbian because as many homophobes would say, “maybe I just hadn’t met the right guy”. Once in a blue moon I find a man to be physically appealing, so I took that as evidence of my latent heterosexuality and would think that maybe all of my earlier suffering about my sexuality was all a lie, that I was just pretending to be gay because I didn’t want to be perceived as feminine because that meant I was weak. I would think that maybe I would be happier if I just dated a guy because then I would fit in, then I wouldn’t be different, I wouldn’t have to struggle and be a second class citizen that, at the time, wasn’t allowed the same rights based solely on the basis of attraction and gender. 

It took me a long time to accept myself, and I don’t often talk about it, but I think it’s important that it be said. Society makes it incredibly easy to doubt yourself, especially as a teen, and when you’re young and queer it can seem like the entire world wants you to suffer for it.

Anon, I will tell you this; it’s okay. It’s okay to be fearful, it’s okay to question yourself, but try to dig a little deeper and see where those feelings are coming from. Make sure you aren’t just trying to make others happy by thinking you’re attracted to guys if you aren’t. Your happiness is of the utmost importance, because at the end of the day, you go to sleep being yourself, and wake up being yourself. That will not change; you’re stuck being yourself, so be the best you you can be. If that involves only wanting to be with women, then that’s perfectly okay. Women are wonderful. They aren’t weak, they aren’t lesser. And wanting to be with one doesn’t mean that you hate men, because despite some facets of tumblr culture, gayness doesn’t have shit to do with hate. 

As for your mother... You’re still her child, aren’t you? She said she wanted you to be happy. Do yourself a favor and believe her. She wouldn’t have said it if it wasn’t true. Maybe your sexuality will take her some time to get used to because it does mean that your life will be a bit more complicated, but that is something she will have to deal with on her own. It isn’t up to you to make her happy. If she is a good mother, your happiness and your health is her goal. Do your best to believe that she’s being honest and that she wants you to be happy. Don’t assume she’s lying in order to force heteronormativity on yourself, because that will hurt you both.

Sorry this was so long and anecdotal, but it’s a subject I feel very strongly about. Feel free to send me more messages, okay? I’m always around.

[kmclaude]

imyourdesign replied to your post “Please don't call lesbians "dykes”

FUCKING THIS i was constantly called a dyke and many other disgusting names before, and after i came out. I'm 2 years into my transition and it still happens. These people are fucking ridiculous. Still love you kmclaude.

I’m sorry that happens and that it continues to happen. It’s a sad reality. It’s something I think people who maybe don’t experience the dissonance between how you appear and who you are don’t realize, which is that you can say you’re Y up, down, left, and right and you can take all the right steps to make yourself reflect Y as much as you are able but as long as people see X, you’re gonna be treated and perceived, positively and negatively, as X. 

nihilistic-void replied to your post “The only way you can repeat dyke without using it as a slur is if...”

*calls myself a faggot and a dyke* Tumblr: *has a fucking stroke*

WELCOME TO THE TUNGLE IT GETS WORSE HERE EVERY DAY

@kirtlandswarbler​ replied to your post “Wow, didn't know "people who aren't lesbians shouldn't say dyke" was...”

I mean tbh I have to agree with the idea that people who can't reclaim a slur shouldn't use that slur so the anon kind of has a point there but at the same time imo in your comic it was used as an expression of frustration and seemed like a slur that had actually been used against you instead of just you using a slur for the hell of it

I would agree except that anon is arguing a point A to prove unrelated point C when what happened was B. I’m not reclaiming anything. I’m not going around going “I’M FATHER CLAUDE, THE DYKIEST DYKE OF ALL DYKES!!! PCRD: PATER CLAUDIUS REX DYKIORUM!!!!” I’m, similar to what you said, expressing a frustration of the reality of where I am in my presentation: I am seen as a butch lesbian, a dyke -- rarely (RARELY!!!!!) am I pegged for a teenage boy -- and sadly the only fashion catered to androgyny is expensive af and catered to lesbian (oft cis) women in the butch subculture so the result of buying the only fashion that understands my body is that I would go from being seen as “the dyke” to “the fancy dyke who is now po’ as shit”

sgt-spank replied to your post “me: points out that you used a slur you have no right to repeat while...”

When the term is used as fuel against you in order to harm you and when you are oppressed by the term, then you are allowed to use the term. I have also been called these things before. In fact it has been used as a weapon against me and many trans men. It's what we are seen as, so...

it’s what we’re seen as as afab masc presenting people and we deserve to be able to talk about that reality! 

@vikingcarrot replied to your post “Ya know, when a bunch of lesbians come and tell you something you did...”

Baffled by the notion that just because someone feels offended by something, it automatically means that thing, or the thing that contains it, must be shut down immediately, no questions asked, no critical thinking or context required. As though Being Offended gives anyone the right to control other peoples' expression of experience or their actions.

Sorry I was busy having warflashbacks to right wing christians being offended at my existence and the existence of other queers and also non-Jesus media and Harry Potter.

Being Offended and Being Correct are not the same thing.

pashastrelnikov replied to your post “Serious question. Do you think that it might be possible, that since...”

Okay. I read the comic and last I checked you're literally just going "Well I'm going to get called this/have been called this" which is neither calling anyone the thing NOR reclaiming it? You're literally saying people are going to/have called me X? You're basically transcribing what other people are saying so idek what's the issue

Yeah, thanks for pointing that out -- as I said elsewhere I’m not reclaiming it I don’t understand where this dichotomy of reclamation or slur comes from? Because the reality is: I ain’t a lesbian. I don’t like chicks. I don’t like dudes. I’m pretty squarely ace. And I ain’t a fucking chick. But the reality is I look like a chick. I look butch. I get called dyke. I get whispers that I’m a lesbian. And it’s very painful misgendering because no, I’m not, I’m a man, why can’t anyone see that, why do I even bother since I’m only gonna get “ma’am” to my face and “fucking dyke!” behind my back, never sir. And that’s my issue. And that’s what the comic is about: it’s that clothes will always always make me look like a kid playing dress up and the clothes that help me are expensive as fuck and read as and are marketed to the butch subculture which means I get to fuck off a chunk of my paycheck to go from “hey dyke!” to “hey fancy dyke!” which...sucks. At least hey faggot would acknowledge I’m a fucking man.

enbylebeau replied to your post “Your diary comic didn't even come off that way to me?? You didn't even...”

personal opinion, in the context you used the slur in I was ok with it? Internalized thought and vocabulary is sometimes not the best chosen, and I think part of a diary comic is showing the moment itself. But I feel almost like the original anon really didn't care about the use of "dyke" as more than an angry afterthought.

oh def, it’s outrage to be outraged. people see a word they don’t like and see a person they deem unable to say the forbidden word and throw a fit. like curse words. except the reality is I am perceived as a butch lesbian woman and get called dyke, I’m already seen as a “dyke” and you can’t...pretend that’s not true. You can’t pretend that I’m not seen as not just a lesbian woman not just a butch lesbian woman but all the vitriol and hatred and disgust that gets imbued in dyke because that’s what people perceive even if the reality is I’m a tranny.    

[norman-reedus-gossip]

bulk

– mod–
I’ll add to the comments as usual. Anon:
The DM ran photos of DK in the exact same outfit with the exact same shopping bags iSaturday – walking alone. Check it out. No way she wore the identical outfit and had the same bags yesterday. The story conveniently tags them as yesterday when it was known N was back in NYC. The “getaway” makes for a much better story than 2 friends hanging out like he’s done with several female friends in the past few weeks (Ira, Jarah, Liz) – and been photographed with them too. These pics were set up.

Anon:
what is everyone talking about with norman and what did this DK woman do? i’m late and curious because i really don’t want to find a way to dislike norman

Anon:
grooooooooossssssssssssss. well if the other rumours are true, she wants a baby w him.

Normansweetpie:
I honestly am surprised about Norman and Diane. And to the person that said Norman is a horrible person, you’re wrong. Norman liked Diane and I believe that Norman can do whatever he wants to do with his life. If Norman wants to date Diane, that’s fine.

Anon:
So he is w a disgusting famewhoere. completely changes the way i see him. bye bye norman, no longer your fan (and im a lesbian, so this isn’t butthurt shit here)

Anon: If this is true, I don’t want to go to WSC London now. I don’t feel like meeting him if he has been lying to us this whole time.

Anon: Norman has to address this. He’s getting so much hate. I hope he shuts it down. Please Norman say it’s not true.

Anon:
I can’t believe he lied to us. If this really is true, then everything he says is bullshit.

Anon: Mod, I am at a loss how this whole narrative in the NR fandom went from “DK is vile, they’re not friends ” to “DK is vile they’re definitely not dating cuz NR is sweet and great” to “They’re dating! They’re both vile!”…. Like, where is this coming from? Norman’s own fans would rather believe he’s some sort of vile scumbag than the alternative that maybe, just maybe 1) NR and DK are both decent people? And 2) none of us knows the private details of when/how they got together?

Anon: Mod in your opinion do you think he would have done that? He did things that made us believe he was single so do you think he was really lying to us the whole time? I want to cry if he was. I thought he was different. Do you think there’s a chance that he is just friends with her?

Anon: Just friends my ass. They’ve been together off and on for over a year. Time for fans to take off the delusional glasses and accept it. He’s a good ACTOR, isn’t he?

Anon: II thought that if this happened I would feel angry and sad and disappointed. But I feel relaxed and calm and I wish Norman finally have found the woman that will stay with him till the end. I feel really happy for him.

Anon: I hope that Norman realizes that Diane probably called the paparazzi and set that whole thing up so they would finally be outed as a couple. She is a real piece of work.

Anon: A few choice words like unwise, irresponsible, childish, selfish, asinine, and dishonest, as well as many more like them are all coming to mind right now.

Anon: I know it’s his life but I think he needs to say or do something for his fans now. Just like when he shut down the EK rumor. Btw, TMZ also reported that as official too, if I recall and that was never true either. Please say something about the truth of this, Norman

Anon: In the midst of this DK stuff, someone on Facebook who works at LaGuardia airport says she talked to Norman at work today. Do you know if he’s heading somewhere?

Anon: What had Diane done and why does everyone hate her?

Anon: I am an extremely disappointed… I was gonna say fan, but I can no longer even bring myself to write that much less say it. What an effing nightmare. Seriously, I’m not sure if Norman could make a more foolish decision.

Anon: I want to be clear this is not a DK hate (or even dislike) post. I have to say I find it a bit ironic of NR fans blaming the trash mags for NR not being able to “live his personal life”. If I’m not mistaken didn’t the pap pics originate in daily mail? Doesn’t DK and her people have a deal with them and they set up pics all the time? So I’m assuming DK or both of them are courting this attention, yes? I think we need PR wife again, lol.

Anon: Ok wait, it doesn’t have to mean they are together. She could have been hanging with him like he does with a lot of his female friends. And I stil think the pics are only one day. Not a “weekend getaway” I really hope he says something now, though. This back and forth is too much. I pray it’s friendship and nothing more because I don’t want to have to stop supporting him. Say something Norman.

Anon: 
I cannot think of a single nice thing to say about Norman right now and I’m not sure I will ever be able to again. Anon: Dont you think that this is kinda ridicilous , this whole dk / nr is going on since 2015 , if they were together , they would already admit that and dont forget joshua and diane broke up a long time ago , so nr and her had a long time chance to admit it 🙄(sorry my english is not very good ) 


Susa206: Everybody should calm down! In my opinion it´s obviously, that they are a couple. I think we don´t have the right to judge about his or her life! Nobody knows what really happened between DK and her former boyfriend….. I never liked her … but the most important thing, is that he is happy…. and we have to accept his choice…. ( sorry again for my bad english)

Anon: So are we to believe they have been so careful to not be seen out together in more than a year and now they are caught in his parking garage? Set up

Anon: she is just so unlikeable. ive read her interviews and seen her interviews. she is not likeable. this is bad new for his brand, but its his life. i know i won’t tune into anything he does if she is accompanying him or being mentioned. i know celebs are humans, but i also consider them brands that i choose to consume. ive no interest in using my money & attention to help her brand, and won’t consume anything she is attached to. sorry normski, not interested if you come w her as an add on

Anon: But hold on remember when he was photographed with Elsa Hosk? and they aren’t together. I know because of DK, it’s strange but I don’t think it proves it yet. Until Norman comes out and says it.

Anon: Mod , i would like to help you a bit. I also dont believe that they are together , in fact i do believe Diane might have a crush on Norman (who not) and im sure Norman knows that , but it seems he is enjoying his single life and told her that , and still wants to hang out as friends with her , because why not? Maybe they were out having dinner , maybe he or she made dinner at their homes! 😊( just what i think about the whole dk/n thing)

Anon: this norman stuff with TMZ, is utter bullshit. they are probably just friends and so what if they are dating, they should be happy that they are happy.

Anon: Mod , it seems you doubt about if they are friends or not ….

Anon: Mod, do you think they really are together or do you think the friends theory is possible? I just want to cry if it’s true. It’s not that he’s with someone but that it could be her! I hate her. She is nothing like him she is so full of herself and now he looks like a cheater and a liar. I didn’t think he was anything like that but now he looks like such a fake person. Not who he said he was to his fans. I’m so sad. What do you think Mod??

Anon: If them unloading a car together is the smoking gun on their relationship… damn! I am in a relationship with a bunch of cab drivers! Dammit… and here I am thinking I’m single! 


Rebellacycle: I’m sorry I’m laughing at a lot of this this man can’t be any where near a woman or his female fan loose their shit “ oh he’s with her no ” if he is dating her at least she is close to his age if she slept with him I’d hi- five her good for you Diane 😂🤣💪🏹 let him live his life I don’t know her we really as fans don’t know the both of them it’s his and her business if they are dating or not what ever and I would love to be at his next convention to see if these “ fans ” ask him about it

Anon: Sorry!! I meant good luck to HIM. I want the man to be happt but she is just YUCK. My bad. You always rule. I’m going to drink whiskey til I puke this weekend. Why do I care? I have no clue but am just disappointed.

Anon: Can someone post the pics of DK that are supposedly from Saturday, please. Also, are those pics on tmz from yesterday or Thursday. I’m confused!

Anon:
Sooooooo are they together or were they just carpooling to like Whole Foods and Best Buy or something?

Anon:
I’m done with NR. Cannot support this disgraceful behaviour whatsoever. More to the point how can he be okay with a supposed partner calling the paps on them? Entire thing is a mess. he is not who he pretends he was.

Anon:
NR and DK kept their relationship hidden this long because they knew people would never forget about how their relationship got started (cheating) and they knew if they went public they would be one of the most hated couples in Hollywood. I seriously want to throw up she is such a horrid human being. N has developed really shit taste in women.

Anon:
Here it goes. Seems like we finally got our proof and Norman and DK came out and made it public finally. They are together. You can’t tell me she’s just a friend cruising around with him and unloading his car. Not after all. I’m so disgusted, I almost vomited. I can’t believe Norman fell for this woman. I’m SO SO disappointed and disgusted! 😞

Anon:
Those two horrible people deserve each other. And they deserve every ounce of hate that they get as long as they are together.

Anon:
Isn’t there a simple way to clear it up? One or both of their reps will confirm or deny the rumors, right? NR had to do that with the EK thing. Plus I think isn’t DK going to LA for Oscar weekend stuff? If she gives any interviews I’m sure they’d ask about this, right?