#not blaming her for not reading the whole thing she would be disappointed

[anotherfandomtrash]

Since we got news about modern adaptation of C&P, I started to think about "What these characters in 21th century would think about the fact that some random book from 19th century completely copies their life to the minor of details" and these are just some little doodles that came into my head

[singmyaubade]

No Longer Yours

James Potter x Female!Reader

A/N: I am trying a new way of writing these stories, there won't be lots of dialogue in this part, but there will be more; this is just a look into where the story starts.

IB: In The Cold November Rain by @sweetsweetjellybean (Make sure to check it out, it’s amazing and one of the best I’ve ever read !)

Summary: James had disregarded you for multiple years, but when you have an epiphany in your final year, how does it feel to taste his own medicine?

Warning: It may contain swearing and soon-to-be smut.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

You never considered yourself to be a pushover when it came to things. Instead, you would use the word "understanding" and used it the most when it came to James Fleamont Potter.

He meant the absolute world to you since you were nine when you first met him. He lived next to you, both of your rooms being next to each other. You could always see him in his window, not that you were stalking, but you could never quite get your eyes off him.

Every time he would catch you staring, he would give you a wave, never felt weirded out. Then he would ring you up and ask you to come for dinner with your family. You would always accept unless your mother insisted on not intruding on them anymore.

You always caught his look of disappointment when you told him you couldn't come over, seeing him on the phone with you. It would always make your heart flutter, always having to stop the smile from forming on your face.

And then, after dinner, he would always come over, and you two would hang out (of course, with the door open). But you knew James would never try anything.

Your parents had suspicions when you both were fully formed teenagers and had hormones. Again, you knew James wasn't a perv; he respected you.

Even when he would slap your thigh in laughter when you said a joke or when his front pressed against your back when you two joked around, or his touch would linger when he ticked you.

But that was all besides the point; you loved James like no other. You loved the rest of the Marauders, too, but with James, there was no questioning if the love was different.

The only times you weren't sure about that 'love' was when Lily Evans would come around. He never truly knew how to pay attention to or regard you when she came around, but he claimed it was 'love.'

You wondered if he loved Lily the same way you loved him or if it was more complete, passionate, and extraordinary. You could never ask; James wouldn't know what to do. You couldn't blame Lily, it wasn't her fault, and she turned down his advances multiple times.

You were sure that James would move on, but then, during sixth year, Lily confessed that she was starting to have a crush on James.

You tried hiding your disappointment, but it was hard; it nearly broke your heart; you knew James would tell you all about it as soon as you saw him again.

There was no wish to be cruel, but a part of you, maybe the whole, was hoping she would joke. Perhaps she would again realize how immature James was and remember how he bullied Snape.

But that would be selfish and unfair to James; you were supposed to be his best friend, and he deserves this.

And you knew Lily was kind, beautiful, thoughtful, and honest. She deserved James more than he deserved her. You wouldn't break her happiness because it was pure; if you did, it would be evil.

So when she asked you if you were okay with that, constantly questioning your feelings towards James, you said,

"Of course, you should go out with James," You placed a hand on her shoulder, "I think you two would be amazing together." A genuine bright smile passed your face as she embraced you and thanked you for being truthful with her.

While they dated, James would always tell you every time he and Lily did something.

From every kiss, every date, and every cute moment to Lily laughing at a joke he made about crisps in Hogsmeade or the dove they saw randomly, which is a sign that they are genuinely in love.

After telling you every detail, he would embrace you in a tight hug so you could smell his scent entirely. He would thank you for being "such a good friend and say that "he loves you."

You knew he loved you but you wished he loved you in a different way. A way that his heart would scrunch when you were around or a way that made him want to compliment your hair or your smile like he did with Lily.

You wished it pissed you off enough to be mad at him, but every time he hugged you, you forgave him and knew it was just him being happy and wanting to tell a friend.

He still always joked around with you the same and bantered with you, but it was just less, you wanted more, but he could only give you so much time, and you knew that.

Only a few of your friends understood, like Remus and Dorcas. They would comfort you in every moment when you felt unsure of yourself, or you just wanted to talk.

You probably would have been misunderstood if it weren't for them, but they acknowledged and validated your feelings.

That's what got you through that time.

Nonetheless, there was no point in dwelling on past memories. James and Lily broke up at the end of that very year, it being mutual due to the realization of too many things clashing.

He was a bit of a wreck but recognized that it was for the better. It didn't stop him from sometimes crying in your arms, talking about how much he missed Lily.

Eventually, James started to move on, talking to you more, joking with you, and inviting you to sit next to him at dinner. You had missed this for so long and were grateful.

He went back to tickling you and playfighting with you. He would even make you sit with him during potions.

This was until the end of the year Quidditch match, Gryffindor had won, and excitement had raised. You went to congratulate James on the win, having a big jar of Fizzing Whizbees in your hand, his favorite.

You opened the door a crack, overhearing him but not wanting to interrupt his conversation with the rest of the Quidditch team.

"Come on, Potter, don't tell me you aren't going to snog her tonight," A boy you recognized as Matthew Collingwood teased, "She's been over you for years; why not just hit it and quit it?" Your face contorted to disgust after hearing his use of words.

"Don't tell me you are talking about Y/n," James scoffed, "There is no way I would ever think of her like that," A part of your heart broke hearing his words; he didn't even defend his last words.

"I mean, she does have a fat bum," Another boy laughed.

"Oy, she's like a sister to me, don't talk about her like that," James warned, his tone sounding half serious as the boy put his hands up jokingly.

A sister.

"Okay, but come on, Potter, you have to shag her at least once before we graduate," Matthew sneered.

"Listen, boys, I wouldn't touch Y/n if she were the last girl on earth," He belittled, "Besides, she would cling to my cock like crazy after that; I mean, look at her now, can't even take a piss without her peering over my shoulder." He gestured, pretending to take a piss and looking behind him to see if you were around.

The boys hollered, laughing at James’s visual representation of you.

Tears brimmed your eyes as you dropped the glass-made jar, shattering in the process. You let go of the door, turning your heel to run away.

The tears started running down your cheeks as you wiped each of them as they came. You went under a tree, crying your eyes out, wondering why James would be so cruel.

He was your best friend, and you thought he loved you enough to not make fun of you. James could sometimes be thoughtless, but he never was brutal to you.

Did he really think you were clingy, consistently all over him? Did he get annoyed by how much you were around him? Would he never like you even if you were the last girl on the planet?

You were humiliated, embarrassed by his words, his thoughts. Every feeling of James Potter that made you happy and wanted to fall into his arms turned into hate and resentment, his words reiterating in your mind a thousand times.

That night, you vowed never to make James Potter make you feel that way again.

So that night, you didn't join the celebration. You told your friends that your stomach was hurting and you weren't in the mood for festivities.

You didn't know if James had asked where you were during that night, and you didn't want to know after the words he had shared with others.

Since you were allowed to leave Hogwarts the day after summer began, you did. You didn't wait for James to go with you; you left without him, wishing all your friends goodbye, dismissing all questions about why you were leaving early and blaming it on your mother's wishes.

"Okay, well," Lily sighed, "Make sure to ring me over the summer and visit if you can." You embraced her and nodded your head, telling her that you will.

"And don't forget to ring me as well," Dorcas said from behind you as you went over to her and hugged her tightly, "Whatever he did," She whispered in your ear, "Give him hell."

You pulled out of the hug and gave her a smile, "I will."

As she left, you approached the Gryffindor common room to find Remus reading as usual.

"Gonna wish a good friend goodbye?" Remus questioned, looking over at you. You were glad he wasn’t questioning why you were leaving so early in the morning.

"How could I ever not?" You asked, embracing him for a minute.

"So, are you gonna tell me what he did?" He asked, raising an eyebrow.

"How do you and Dorcas know everything?" You said, rolling your eyes.

"How good of friends would we be if we didn't." He smirked, "I can ta-"

You cut him off, "No, this is not your responsibility; I will take care of it." You smiled, "But thank you for caring; it means the most to me."

"Of course," He said as you nodded and turned to leave, "And take care of yourself." You turned back, giving him a reassuring smile.

After saying all your goodbyes for the school year, you sat in a window seat, looking at the school you loved dearly. You never thought you could quite say this, but you were ready for home.

Once you returned home, a letter was waiting for you on your window seal stating,

Dear Y/n,

Give him hell.

Sincerely the only one you need,

Dorcas Meadows.

And what kind of friend would you be if you didn't do what was asked?

[comically-callous]

Sorry to bother you, but I saw your asks/requests were open, and saw that you write for Gambit, I read through your works and love how you write him! I was wondering if maybe you would be willing to do a drabble/ficlet with Gambit x reader? Where reader has ADHD and anxiety? Her mutant power is Empathy, but she only feels other's emotions; can't tell why they're feeling them, and the combo kinda makes her a people pleaser type who struggles to say no to things, so ends up with extra work from other people all the time, kinda burning the candle at both ends until she basically has a mental/physical breakdown? I just really wanna see Gambit being super loving/protective.

If you don't want to/it isn't in your wheelhouse, by all means just ignore me, sorry again to bother you! Have a great day/night!

We love a Gambit request 😋

Remy LeBeau x fem!mutant!Reader

Warnings: reader cries and also blames herself for all of her problems 😗✌️

A/n: Man, idk what to put here sometimes, y’all. Reader has a regular job (not an X-Man or anything). And uhh, um, erm requests are open 👍

This whole mess was your fault. All of it. All of the piled up work, and the deadlines you just knew you wouldn’t be able to meet, and the dread over knowing people would be disappointed in you, and your infuriating inability to say no; it was all your fault.

It was days like these when you wished you could get rid of your mutation. That way you might not be such a damn pushover. But, you couldn’t help it. People from work come into the office feeling a little down, and suddenly you’re offering to go get them a coffee, to make some copies for them, to sort out some files, and finish that research project they’ve been putting off. And in the moment, you can feel the happiness and relief radiating from them, and it makes you feel good. But, then you realize (too late) that it’s too much for you to get done in one workday.

Which led you to your current predicament. You were trying to get all of this work (which wasn’t even technically yours) done, but you also needed to get some work around the house done, and your mind couldn’t focus on one task at a time.

You reread the same paragraph for what felt like the eighteenth time, hardly making it past the second sentence before you had to begin rereading it again after your mind had wandered to your laundry that still needed cleaning.

And just when you’d gotten yourself to focus again, there were three knocks at your door. You groaned, letting your head fall to your hands for a moment before you got up and dragged yourself to the door. You looked through the peephole and saw your boyfriend Remy. He was all put together in a nice suit and tie, severely contrasting you in your pajamas with your hair a mess and makeup completely wiped away.

Your stomach sank and you completely froze. You’d forgotten. You’d gotten so caught up in wanting to please other people, that you’d forgotten about tonight.

You just stood at the door, unable to move as your heart began to pound and your throat began to feel tight. Remy knocked again, this time calling your name. You finally opened the door with shaky hands and almost immediately began to sob.

“Woah, woah!” Remy reached out and held you by your shoulders, his hold gentle yet steadying. “What’s wrong chère?”

“I-“ You choked out. “I forgot, Remy. I forgot about tonight.”

Remy had made reservations for the two of you at a fancy restaurant, one you’d been wanting to go to for a while. And you’d forgotten. He’d gotten dressed up all nice for you and it was for nothing, and you, like always, were to blame.

You continued to cry pathetically while Remy guided you over to sit on your couch. “Talk to me, chère.” He said as he gently took your hands.

“I-I forgot-“

“Gambit don’t care about that.” You let your head fall forward onto his shoulder where you continued to sob. “There’s something else, huh?” It was more of a statement than a question.

Sometimes you felt like he had some of your empath abilities as well, or at least some form of mind reading. He could always tell when something was wrong, or when someone was lying. Or maybe it was just with you. Either way, when he suggested that there was something else bothering you, you nodded against him.

“You wanna tell Gambit?”

You inhaled shakily before speaking again. “There’s just…. It’s so much- too much going on— Too much on my plate.” You said, struggling to find the words through your choked sobs and jumbled thoughts.

Remy hummed. This wouldn’t be the first time that you overwhelmed yourself with tasks and work that needed to be done. “Like what?” He asked. And he listened while you listed off all of the things at work that were bugging you and then all of the chores at home that only added to your stress, all the while he soothingly rubbed your back. And once you were finally done, he pressed a kiss to the top of your head. Your tears had come to a small occasional trickle rather than what felt like a flood a few moments ago.

“Tell you what,” Remy said as he began to pull away. “You rest here while Gambit helps.”

“What?” You asked as he put a blanket over you.

“Lay down. Gambit gonna get some of this outta your way, alright?”

You hardly had the energy to protest, and as you drifted to sleep, you could hear the soft whirring of your washing machine as Remy began doing your laundry for you.

You woke up an hour or two later to the smell cooking, and sat up to see Remy standing in your kitchen over the stove. You groggily got to your feet and walked over to him, hooking your chin over his shoulder to get a look at what he was cooking.

“You get good rest?” Remy asked as he stirred a pot.

“Yeah.” You mumbled back. “I’m sorry.”

“For what, belle?”

“For making you deal with this, with me.” You replied, burying your face into the crook of his neck.

Remy turned his head to the side to press a warm kiss to the side of your head. He hummed softly. “You know Gambit ain’t never gonna mind having to deal with you.”

“You mean it?” You asked, a soft smile on your lips.

“You know I do.”

And he was right. In that moment, standing with your chest pressed to his back and your arms around his waist, you were practically drowning in the love and care you could feel radiating off of him. And you knew that he meant it.

[silantryoo]

BONUS [ LIKEALOOK ] — goodbye, my danish sweetheart.

yoo jimin, third year

WARNINGS; objectification, outing, mentions of homophobia, mentions of sexual acts, self-sabotage, cheating, mentions of coercion, power imbalance, victim blaming (2.5k)

yoo jimin hasn't looked in a mirror since alex had left the team.

her best friend, the girl that she trusted, slept with the girl she loved. she didn't care whether or not alex was drunk, whether it was before anything went down between her and yeji.

she knew how jimin felt, how yeji was there for her during her injury, how much their captain helped her. jimin had even told alex how her stomach fluttered whenever she and their captain talked, and how her heart seemed to combust at the thought of yeji visiting her at the hospital.

alex should've known.

"she left the team."

a string of words, one of which should've given her a sense of relief. she longed for the euphoria, and the heavy weight from her chest lifted. jimin thought she would finally breathe the clean air she had desperately wished for.

it was poison, fire and acid mixed and poured down her throat. her lungs burnt, scarred as she struggled to breathe.

it was not only the air, but everything she touched. every surface - steel, metal, skin - seemed to bubble under her corrosive touch. all of the things she touched enveloped in the concoction that plagued her being.

guilt.

jimin had never felt as angry as she ever did. the lava that laid dormant inside her body could no longer sit still. everything had led up to the destruction of her and those around her.

alexandra baek was yoo jimin's best friend.

she knew her secrets, the lengths the younger girl would go to just to hide them. the things the younger volleyball player kept behind a locked door, she willingly let jimin have access to. it was eerily similar, the terror of disappointment shrouded alex the same way it did jimin.

jimin knew her weaknesses, all of them, even the ones that would ruin the younger girl's life.

"why is alex avoiding you?" aeri scrolled through her phone, and jimin could see her reading their texts over. "did you threaten her or something?"

threaten? no, jimin did much worse.

"i didn't."

aeri huffed, clearly not pleased with her answer. she thought this stupid feud would blow over. jimin cherished the younger girl, much like a sister.

she wouldn't throw that away for anyone, much less yeji.

"look, i know the whole thing with yeji is shit right now," aeri started, mentally noting the understatement. "and you're probably pissed at her for leaving the team, but she needs you right now."

jimin closed her eyes, picturing the creature she found staring back at her a few weeks ago. the one with soulless eyes, void of guilt, of compassion. dark brown eyes that only burned rage.

it was her father's eyes in her own.

"jimin..."

she didn't know why she felt like that, why it felt so good to finally erupt, to cause harm and hurt others the way they hurt her.

she was still a good person. jimin knew she had to be. this was just a momentary slip. it was just an accidental mishap.

"jimin." aeri sighed. "her parents found out."

guilt.

she knew.

she was the one who told the baek's about their daughter's fling. jimin had heard the slurs that were thrown over the phone, damning their own child for the things she felt.

she knew, she did it.

shin yuna was getting prettier each day.

she couldn't help but notice how the younger girl seemed to shine on court as of late. she liked the way yuna walk around like she owned the place, even though she clearly didn't. the way she silently smirked to herself whenever she got a kill lured jimin in.

it was like watching herself, without having to look at what she was becoming.

yeji glanced at her ace, grinning at the predatory look in her eye. it was refreshing to see jimin like this, void of morals and thinking only about what would please her.

it was only a matter of time.

"nice view?"

jimin recoiled, eyes harsh on her captain, watching her smirk. she hated how yeji seemed to think that the two of them were similar. of course, she found shin yuna attractive. it was shin yuna.

sue her for staring at yuna's legs.

jimin grumbled under her breath, walking away from yeji and sitting on the bench, near the others.

"bitch."

she couldn't believe that she dated that monster.

"that's odd." yuna stretched, and jimin felt a gnawing pit in her stomach. "yeji-sunbae's usually nice."

the girls in the vicinity glanced at her.

the yeji they knew was angry, hot-headed and rude. she'd rather rip your head off then say thank you for holding the door open. more often than not, yeji actually did yell at you for holding the door open.

"that's only because she wants to sleep with you, yuna." haewon shook her head, drinking from her bottle.

"you think so?" the freshman sat up, smiling coyly. "i mean, i am pretty hot."

jimin's eyes shot to yuna's smile, and she found herself clenching her jaw, biting back a hum of agreement.

what was she doing? she already had y/n. jimin didn't need more. maybe she craved more, but she would never ever cheat.

jimin calmed herself. finding one of her teammates attractive wasn't cheating. she didn't have any romantic feelings for the younger girl, anyway. it was just curiosity.

if jimin happened to imagine yuna in her bed from time to time, so what?

"that's not something to be proud of." chaeryeong muttered. she couldn't believe this was her crush's younger cousin. "that's like being happy a serial killer chose to kill you because you'd look pretty dying."

yuna shrugged. "and?"

"god." haewon could only sigh. out of everyone she's ever met, yuna seemed to be the most insane sane person. "i hope they don't make you captain next year."

jimin frowned, drowning them out as she took her shoes off.

she needed to stop letting yeji get to her. for as long as she's known her, yeji always pushed jimin's buttons. it was endearing at first, yeji claiming that she liked when jimin's eyebrows furrowed, how cute she looked when she frowned.

jimin didn't realize until now that yeji just liked pissing her off. she liked mentally tormenting her for some sick reason. the way the captain shoved her flaws in her face was to anger her, because it was funny.

it wasn't, and it never has been.

she didn't want to focus on yeji, not anymore. not when jimin had finally gotten the perfect girl, the girl that everyone had wanted.

l/n y/n.

she was adorable, caring in a way that jimin had never experienced. she'd constantly check on the older girl, asking about the little things that jimin didn't even think of.

the other day, y/n had even asked her if she ate. when jimin said no, she suggested that the two of them should go out together for food.

she had never experienced that type of care, considering yeji was her first and only relationship before y/n.

jimin glanced at wonyoung, sparing her a glare in which the younger girl returned by the tenfold.

jang wonyoung lucked out. it was a good thing jimin had managed to take what's rightfully hers.

"jimin-sunbae?" yuna asked, pulling jimin's gaze away from the heiress. "you took history of classical dance right?"

jimin nodded. "for my elective, yeah."

"do you have the notes?" yuna's voice sounded sweet, like a peach waiting to be eaten. "i have it this year and gaeul-sunbae refuses to give them to me."

"it's better to learn and write the notes yourself." gaeul muttered, putting on sweats over her shorts. "i told you, if you need help understanding the material after, i can help you study-"

"no." yujin tensed, her voice tight. her once expressive eyes turned firey as she looked at yuna. "i don't want yuna in our dorm. she might steal."

jimin rolled her eyes. yujin had been guarding gaeul like a dog since yeji managed to get her hands on the setter.

(she didn't understand how yeji could go from her to gaeul, considering the two were only similar in vulnerability.)

"i will not!" yuna whined, jimin's ears burning red. "maybe gaeul-sunbae's heart but-"

yujin paused, her body tense as she stood up from the bench. her fists were clenched, and her body language seemed to read pure rage, but jimin could see the way her lip quivered.

"excuse me?"

pain.

jimin had been feeling that recently, too.

"unnie," wonyoung muttered, tugging yujin's hand. jimin could see gaeul purse her lips, and it didn't take a genius to understand why. "sit down before gaeul-unnie scolds you."

yujin grumbled, begrudgingly sitting back down in between gaeul and wonyoung. the oldest of the three seemed down all of a sudden, and jimin wondered how gaeul could stand to be near wonyoung when all she did was take yujin's attention.

jimin hoped that one day, gaeul would wake up and face the horror that was jang wonyoung.

"i can give it to you tomorrow."

"i'll just drop by later." jimin froze. "my first exam's next week."

she didn't know why, but the thought of having yuna in her dorm set her skin on fire. jimin felt like she was suddenly lit by a match, her brain running wild.

she shook her head. jimin didn't need anything else but y/n. the volleyball player felt so emotionally fulfilled by the younger girl, even when their kisses felt empty and when y/n's words felt half-hearted.

"why'd you wait so long?" haewon knew that yuna was gonna bomb the test. "you're gonna fail at this rate."

still, it wouldn't hurt to urge aeri out, to make sure she spends the night with whoever the hell she meets at the club.

"yujin said that i have plenty of time to study."

besides, jimin didn't like yuna. nothing was going to happen.

she wasn't yeji, nor was she her father.

"yujin probably as a 0.1 gpa."

she wasn't a monster.

"i do not!"

even if her mirror told her otherwise.

the most painful thing about the divorce was watching her father leave.

he had gotten her a maroon luggage when she had accepted suma's offer. it was embezzled with a gold zipper, and a metal handle that gleamed against bright light. she took it with her on her first year, putting all her belongings snug inside. she used it to go back home, when her acl ripped in half and she could no longer play.

jimin had also watched it get taken away when her father packed in a rush, her mother crying on their bed begging him to stay, to love them instead of his mistress.

jimin knew if he did, she would have forgiven him.

staying was more important in the end.

a soft knock on the door rattled throughout jimin's empty dorm. she sat up, dressed in semi-decent clothes, breathable and easy to take off.

jimin reached for the door, opening it.

"sunbae."

nothing was gonna happen. she wasn't gonna cheat, especially not with yuna. jimin would never abuse her status, nor disregard her relationship like that.

but something burnt within her, something that resembled her father on a tuesday afternoon.

"yuna, hey." jimin could hear her voice echoing back in her ears, and she wasn't so sure why it sounded so... ravenous. "i left the notes on my desk. you can just grab them."

yuna nodded, her eyes trailing jimin's figure as she stepped inside. the room buzzed with a dull hum as jimin closed the door behind her, yuna walking up to her senior's desk.

jimin walked next to the younger girl, capturing her perfect side profile and ingraining it in her brain.

"how tall are you?"

there was a light in her eyes, something that jimin used to see in hers. it gleamed brightly, reflecting all yuna's wants of perfection, of hope - all of which jimin knew would amount to nothing.

she wanted to be the first one to crush it, to ruin it.

"i'm 169cm." yuna grinned, standing up a little straighter to brag. "my mom said i'm still growing though, so i'm hoping to reach 170cm next sem."

she didn't care about the consequences, not right now. jimin just wanted to break the mirror.

"your mom said that?" it was adorable how yuna seemed so pure with every intention, and jimin couldn't help but wonder if there was something more sinister underneath. "you're cute."

jimin grabbed the binder of notes, her fingertips brushing against the younger girl's as she handed it over.

yuna's eyes glazed over as she froze, and jimin couldn't hear anything but her heartbeat.

just like before, on the phone with the baek's, all she felt was power - an adrenaline rush that overrode her senses. she couldn't feel the pain, nor the guilt.

all she felt was a high like she was midjump, where her eyes were above the net, looking down at everyone who looked down on her.

jimin leaned it, her lips gently on yuna's.

yuna pulled back abruptly, a tug of confusion worming through the lust she felt. "i thought you were with someone."

jimin should've felt guilty. she should've snapped out of it and apologized, ushering yuna out and immediately sending an apology to y/n about what transpired.

"does that bug you?" she whispered, feeling her breath bounce back off of yuna's lips.

she couldn't find it in herself to care anymore, not when it felt this good.

"...no."

jimin deserved to feel good once in a while.

their limbs tangled as yuna lay naked, asleep on top of jimin.

the volleyball player stared at the ceiling, her mind whirling with the guilt that seemed to multiply with each breath her junior took.

jimin closed her eyes, tears falling from the sides of her face.

it felt good to have control, to watch someone wither and plead, begging her to instill whatever she wanted onto them. she liked the way yuna was under her, both metaphorically and physically. it gave her a high that no one, not even y/n could provide.

it was like ruining herself, punishing herself for everything wrong with her life.

still, the guilt managed to burrow its way through.

she wondered if y/n would react the same way as her mother, or if she would go run back to wonyoung, tears in her eyes as she cried and cried.

she couldn't let that happen,

besides, it wasn't actually cheating. jimin never once let yuna touch her. she would never let anyone but the girl she was with strip her power away from her.

even if she did, jimin would never think once about leaving y/n.

y/n was everything she wanted, in soul, body, and mind. she'd be stupid to ruin the trophy that she had worked so hard to win.

jimin wasn't her father. she wasn't going to leave. she was a good person, searching for good things in her life.

she shouldn't feel guilty. she had nothing to feel sorry for. jimin did nothing wrong. she couldn't have, otherwise, she was no better than her deadbeat father.

she wasn't her father. she couldn't be, she wouldn't let herself be.

jimin closed her eyes, drowning out the sound of yuna's breathing.

rage had consumed yoo jimin, and there was no turning back.

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[cloudedmoonofficial]

Field Colony Keepers

Meadowleap had been doing this for a long time, but it was always a disappointment to everyone when it was time to move from South Base to North Base. Mistysnow had received the signs from the Spirits telling them that they would need to move soon. The whole colony would do its part to tidy up the South Base before they left and that would be that.

But the Keepers were always busier around this time. Meadowleap joked with Mistysnow that her body read the signs from the Spirits better than she could because her right leg would always start acting up right before the move. Luckily, she had plenty of younger cats to help out.

Jaggedstripe and Ambereyes actually seemed excited about the move this year. But Meadowleap knew why. Ambereyes had her kitten, Peach, just a few months ago and Jaggedstripe was planning on having kittens this spring, so all their attention was focused on making the North and East Base’s nursery it’s best. It was Ambereyes’ second litter and little Peach had put a twinkle in her mother’s eye. She no doubt wanted to get Peach into the much safer North Base, even if the journey there would be a tad harrowing. Jaggedstripe was over the moon. Meadowleap tried not to give him a pity smile whenever he talked about how Fernface had actually said she wanted to have kittens with him. That’s none of your business, Meadowleap. She told herself. She was happy that Jaggedstripe was happy, at least.

Meadowleap couldn’t blame them for being excited. She was excited about her litter coming soon as well. This would be her last one. Mudnose and her had only been together for a few years now, and they both wanted kittens, but were getting on in years. Their first litter, Clay and Thrush, were halfway along into their New-Claw training and would no doubt finish by the end of Spring. Mudnose and Meadowleap proudly watched them grow up and Meadowleap couldn’t have been happier to know that after their base training with her, Mudnose could continue having a watchful eye over them as a Mentor during their Field training. 

But two kittens wasn’t enough. Meadowleap had raised many kittens in her time as a Keeper, but she wanted a few more to call her own. Just one more before Mudnose and I retire and join the Council. She liked the sound of that. This time next year, Mudnose and I can relax at the North Base and let the others take care of us.

Today they were cleaning out the storage of the South Base. Field Colony’s South Base had a very convenient tunnel that was big enough and wide enough to fit the whole Colony in when the weather got stormy. Last night a surprise storm had woken them in the middle of night and everyone rushed into the tunnel, which meant that the next day things had to be cleaned up.

“Spirits, I already thought this place could use some work, but everyone dragged all the rain from out there, in here!” Complained Jaggedstripe, poking at the pile of now soggy grasses and moss. He sighed. “I was hoping we’d get some things moved over to the North Base today.”

Meadowleap could hear a pout from Jaggedstripe even without turning around to look at him. She worked on reorganizing the extra vine they gathered for weaving grass walls.

“This should only take us this morning if we work hard.” Ambereyes said. Jaggedstripe sighed again.

“Could you use some help?” a voice from the tunnel entrance called.

Meadowleap turned to see Clay and Thrush walking into the tunnel. Clay was beaming, like always. My little ray of sunshine. Meadowleap thought. Thrush seemed less happy. Meadowleap wondered if Clay had begged Thrush to come along. 

“Well, look who it is!” Meadowleap purred. She gave both of her kittens a lick on the head. “You're not wandering off from the Mentors, are you?”

“Nah,” Clay responded. “I asked Dad if we could come. He thought it was a good idea.”

“He was going to show us the North Base’s hunting grounds,” Thrush complained. Then she gave Clay a nudge, “But this idiot had to open his big mouth.”

“We’ll see it eventually, Thrush!” He pushed her back. “Besides, I thought you were scared of getting close to the Shadow Forest?” 

“Am not!” She scoffed. She put a paw on his head and messed up the fur there while smearing mud on his face. “Whatever, Momma’s boy.”

Clay shook it off and laughed. He turned his attention back to the Keepers. “So what do you need?”

Meadowleap purred. With Clay and Thrush’s help, things should get done much faster. Meadowleap couldn’t ask for two better kittens.

Art by Tennelle and Snap

[applejuicefruit]

you’re the best writing angst so i was wondering if i could request some angst with kylian where he cheats and she finds out please? no happy ending please?

writing this made me cry also i am sure kylian would not be like this in real life so this is all fictional haha

thank you for requesting this i hope you like it <3

kylian mbappe x reader

Was she worth it?

Twitter just fucked up your relationship.

You wished you weren’t so bored to go and spend hours and hours on Twitter but here you were, with your phone in one hand and a glass of wine in the other. You saw Kylian’s name trending on Twitter so you decided to check it out, you thought that maybe he was trending because of the upcoming game PSG had that week but nothing could have prepared you for what you were seeing.

Kylian, hand in hand with his best friend in one picture. Holding her waist in an other picture. Her kissing him on the cheek in the next picture. Kylian kissing her on the lips in the last picture. You knew he was having a “PSG dinner” but apparently he was at some party Neymar threw in one of the most exclusive clubs in Paris.

Those pictures went worldwide in a second.

“Kylian cheating on y/n is the last thing I needed to see” one of Kylian’s fan pages tweeted. You were glad that most of his fans were standing by your side, knowing that Kylian was madly in love with you and felt betrayed by this behaviour.

“What is they broke up and he’s just having fun?” someone else tweeted. How could you have break up when he posted a picture of the two of you together two days ago?

“I’m a daughter of divorced parents” someone else joked, you laughed a bit through tears knowing that it’s a typical fangirl thing to say. You said that too when Taylor Swift and Tom Hiddleston broke up so you couldn’t blame them.

“Finally he found someone prettier” someone said. That made you hurt. Millions of thoughts started running into your mind.

The worst part was probably that Neymar, one of your best friends was the one who threw the party and didn’t even invite you, probably knowing that Kylian was cheating on you. Everyone from the team was there. All of your friends and their wives and girlfriends, when Kylian only said it was a business dinner and you didn’t have to go because it would have been boring, instead he was partying and cheating on you. And everyone knew and said nothing.

You couldn’t explain what you were feeling. You were feeling humiliated, embarrassed, betrayed by the people you thought were your friends, sad, angry, disappointed and heart broken. A mix of everything that didn’t go well with the wine you were drinking.

You saw people tagging you on Instagram and decided to open it, it couldn’t have been worse that Twitter you thought. It was so wrong.

Neymar posted a few stories where everyone was having fun, drinking and dancing. Your best friend posted a video of Kylian and whoever that girl was who was sat on his lap while they were hugging. Your best friend. The man who threatened Kylian once you started dating. He posted a story where Kylian, that girl, Achraf and Hiba were there all laughing and having fun. Your two other friends. You couldn’t believe what you were seeing, feeling betrayed by them and Kylian.

You knew everyone was drunk and that Neymar would have regretted posting those pictures the next day but it was too late. You saw the pictures, the whole world saw the pictures.

You put your Instagram private, unfollowing everyone who was there at the party and blocking them, including Kylian too.

You were so tired you went straight to bed and cried yourself to sleep.

Kylian got home around 3 am, drunk but not too drunk to know what happened that night. He knew he fucked up bad. Neymar started feeling guilty too he tried to reach your DMs but couldn’t find nothing on you, seeing you blocked him.

“She blocked me” he texted to Kylian who left him on read. Kylian immediately checked his insta but he couldn’t found you either, meaning you saw the pictures and the videos. He fucked up really bad.

He decided to sleep in the guest bedroom knowing you probably wouldn’t want to see him that night.

He woke up before you, feeling a little hungover but more worried about how his relationship might turn. He made some breakfast for the two of you and waited for you to wake up.

You didn’t even know that Kylian was back home so you simply got out of your bedroom and went straight to the kitchen, only to find Kylian sat at the table with a guilty look on his face.

Good. That’s how you wanted him to feel. Guilty. Humiliated. Alone. As you felt last night.

“Mon amour can we talk please?” he asked you but you immediately corrected him

“Y/n. Not mon amour, just y/n” you said with a hard look on your face. You had no more tears after last night. Sadness ran so madness and anger could walk. You thought about what to do all night and the answer was easy, breaking up with him in the most cruel way. You never felt so sad and humiliated like last night so it was only fair that he felt the same way.

“Baby please…” he said standing up from the chair and taking a few steps towards you but you backed off

“Y/n” you repeated

“I’m so sorry, I swear…” he said, a few tears falling from his eyes

“About what? Cheating? Lying? Humiliating me? Be more specific Mbappè” you said calling him by last name

“For everything…I wish I could say I was just drunk but I wasn’t, I just…I have no excuses but it wasn’t my intention to cheat on you” he said but you couldn’t help but laugh

“Are you even listening to yourself Kylian? First you lie to me telling me you have a business meeting, then I find out that you are with Neymar, my best friend who threw a party and didn’t even invite me, and for last I see pictures and videos of you cheating on me with I don’t know who, while laughing and having fun and all you can say is sorry?” you said, your hard look never leaving your face, you didn’t want to show your weakness because you knew that if you started crying you would forgive him “Do you know how I felt? When everyone I knew were having fun knowing that you cheated? I felt so fucking humiliated and sad and mad and all I wanted to do was never seeing you again, something that I’m going to do soon because you’ll never see me again Kylian” you said, your look never leaving his face

“What-what are you talking about?” he asked, his voice cracking a bit while tears fell from his face

“That it’s over. We’re done. You’re dead to me” you said taking off the promise ring he got you for your last birthday. A promise to love you that he couldn’t keep.

“No-no this isn’t real…I made a mistake I know, she doesn’t mean nothing to me, I need you here you-you can’t do this” he said fully crying. You’ve never seen Kylian crying so much and a part of you felt bad, the other part was proud of you for standing against him.

“I already did it. I’ll be back when you’re at practice so I can pack and leave…I don’t want to see you ever again, I only hope she was worth it” you said leaving your apartment, you didn’t care if you were wearing only your pajamas, you needed to get away from that house as soon as possible.

You reached for your car and once you were inside you let all of your tears fall. Sobs hurting your chest, your breathing fast and heavy. You started driving, you had no idea of where to go. When something bad happened and Kylian wasn’t there you would usually call Neymar but you couldn’t face him at the moment. But in the same time you were thinking about Neymar he popped up in the home of your phone, trying to call you.

You answered, ready to end him as you just did with Kylian.

“Y/n honey where are you? Kylian told me everything, are you safe? Are you driving?” he asked through the phone

“So now you care?” you asked, your voice breaking a little

“What you mean? Of course I care about you…” he said back

“Oh cut the bullshit! Did you have fun last night?” you sarcastically asked him

“Y/n listen to me…” he tried to speak but you stopped him

“No you listen to me. You were my best friend. Were because you’re a total stranger now to me. You had the nerve to post about Kylian and his new chick on your stories and now you’re asking me if I’m okay? Of course not! Kylian’s dead to me, I don’t want to ever see him again, he broke all of my trust and so did you…Ney I thought you really cared” you took a deep breath and continued talking “I don’t care how drunk you were, I don’t care honestly…just so you know, we’re done. You’re dead to me too, you and your little friend and all of the people who I thought were my friends. It’s over” you said before hanging up, not even giving him the chance to speak. He tried to call you back but you simply wouldn’t answer. You kept driving without nowhere to go. Almost an hour later you stopped in an empty parking lot, trying to recompose yourself and, with your spam account, checking instagram one last time to see if the news reached everyone. Apparently it did.

Kylian posted a picture of the teddy bear he gave you for your birthday and that you kept in the living room near the couch with a caption that said “a single mistake can turn your life upside down, i’ll regret it for the rest of my life but if you’re seeing this i wish you every good thing, you’re too pure for this world, love you forever, kylian”.

You sobbed a little but it was time for you to move one. You couldn’t break down now, everyone betrayed you, it was you and you only.

[donat-senpai]

Can you please do a platonic Yandere Adrien, Luca with a reader who wants to be in a relationship not with them but like in general, what would they do if they tried to ruin her relationship when she got one and she found out🙏

Please don't read this if you are uncomfortable with the yandere!

Pairing: Yandere! Adrien x Reader, Yandere! Luka x Reader

tw: platonic obsession, deception, manipulation

Thanks for waiting! I continue to work on fulfilling requests. BUT I have to inform you that I will no longer accept new requests for ladybug. I don't feel inspired by this fandom anymore.

ADRIEN

-The day you confessed your love was the worst day of Adrien's life.

-Your best friend, your closest person, almost a family member suddenly ceased to be important to you.

-You started canceling appointments with Adrien to go on dates with your boyfriend/girlfriend.

-Adrien was so disappointed and angry. But not on you. You will never be to blame. This terrible man has entangled you in order to ruin everything.

-The first thing Adrien wanted to do was use Cataclysm on your boyfriend/girlfriend. It would be easier that way. Faster. But he didn't want to scare you.

-Adrien needed to be cunning.

-He stole tests from the principal's office and planted them in your boyfriend/girlfriend's bag.

-Your school is prestigious. Such an act will not be forgiven.

-The news of the expulsion of this parasite (as Adrien mentally called this person) made you cry. Adrien was very sorry, but he had to do it.

-A little later, you found one of the tests in Adrien's bag when you wanted to get his notes. It fell out and went unnoticed. Until this moment.

-He realized what happened when he saw the disbelief on your face and the damn test in your hand.

-You asked him accusingly what that meant. Adrien ran through ideas in his head in a panic. Classmates came to the noise

-And he came up with…

-They (the pest) must have planted it. They were jealous and wanted to frame Adrien.

-His classmates quickly supported him. (He always knew that his good reputation would come in handy someday)

-How can kind, dear Adrien be capable of such meanness?

-Your mistrust hurt Adrien. How could you doubt your best friend? That person is a bad influence on you. Perhaps you shouldn't date them anymore.

-You felt ashamed

-It’s hard to leave, but your friend is there. He will help you write a goodbye message for them. He'll even send it for you.

-Adrien will free you.

-Your friendship will be safe again.

LUKA

-Three days. For a whole three days, Luka waited and hoped that you pranked him.

-Hope disappeared when you introduced Luka to your boyfriend/girlfriend.

-Luka still didn't understand how this happened. He was always there.

-Your happy face brought joy to Luka endlessly. He allowed this relationship to exist.

-He was ready to endure and listen to conversations about this person as long as it brought you pleasure.

-But the days passed, and you smiled less and less.

-Of course, your new boyfried/girlfriend became the problem.

-Luka began to unobtrusively push you towards breaking up. Why do you need a relationship in which your partner only upsets you?

-The guy’s patience finally ran out when you came in tears and said that you saw Him/She hugging someone else.

-If Luka were not a restrained person, he would have akumatized to take revenge. But you needed comfort.

-For the next couple of days, Couffaine stubbornly thought about getting rid of the obstacle once and for all.

-Your ex gave him the idea himself.

-They persistently tried to contact you. You didn’t want to communicate with him/her and gave Luka your phone so that he could delete the messages. Luka used this against him/her.

-Luka convinced you to block your ex on all social media. And the letter from the mailbox explaining that he/she hugged his cousin was replaced with another one - with threats. It was not difficult to fake the handwriting following the example.

-Photos taken without your knowledge were thrown into your school locker.

-No one could ignore something like this. Your parents finally went to the police.

-Luka invited you to stay with him while the trial is ongoing. His family didn't mind, and yours decided that a change of scenery wouldn't hurt.

-The guy felt bad that he had to scare you. He mentally promised to compensate you for all the ruined days.

-Everything was going great until you found all these damn pieces of paper. Copies of your ex's fake letter. Dozens of unsuccessful attempts to forge handwriting.

-Why? Why did you open this box? Why did he forget to throw it away?

-Luka was terribly upset. But he knew what he had to do. He has to correct his mistake.

-He pushed you into the closet, snatching the letters from your hands, and locked the doors.

-Luka hastened to get rid of the evidence.

-He'll think of something. Without proof, no one will believe you. He will say that you had a fight with him and after everything that happened, you are simply confused.

-He will tell you over and over again that there were no letters until you both believe it.

-Luka did all this for you. You will understand this. He will always protect your friendship.

[yandere-kokeshi]

Could i please request a Platonic Yandere Peter B. Parker with a reader from a different universe (maybe in their original universe, he's their biodad?)

Warnings: platonic-yandere behavior

A/N: we love Peter b. Parker. Ty for requesting! Hope you enjoy :]

He’s shocked, to say the least. He already has his daughter tangled around him as he works with Miguel and the other Spidermen. Plus, taking care of miles is another job. But when Miguel told him about a new Spider-Person, he was intrigued.

But, when he saw you appear at the quarters all sad and lit up when you saw him, though getting disappointed a second later when you saw him holding Mayday, it shattered his heart. Of course, having spider senses and the ability to be understanding, he approached you; feeling bad about your reaction. Furthermore researching and begging Miguel to see what happened in your universe, it made him sad to see you now-distant.

Regardless of what happened in your universe, he’s now always ‘bothering’ you; acting like the dad he once was in your universe. He’s taking you under his wing as he did with Miles. Whatever happened, he’s hoping he can fix it with you, wanting to get to know you better as you did with him in your universe.

You’re welcome into his home at any time, he always makes sure to make extra plates during breakfast and dinner, even if you said the day before you weren’t coming/or had plans.

Peter constantly asks if you have the designed bracelets to let you travel through universes; making you promise you’ll use them safely and appropriately.

And if you don’t? Well, he won’t be mad. Sure, he’s disappointed. But he’s proud that you did something you are also proud of. He’ll even state that he will take the blame if Miguel shows up at the front door.

The whole family adores you. Mayday loves you just as much as her dad. She loves clinging onto you, planting herself onto your head, and playing with your hair (if you’re fine with it!) and sometimes cries whenever she doesn’t see you. MJ always welcomes you with wide and loving arms whenever you come to visit; hugging you tightly when you come through the portal.

Seeing Peter and Mayday happy to see you warms her heart, which escalates to her opening up to you - treating you like one of her own.

Peter always goes out of his way to get things you enjoy, regardless of your whining of ‘I don’t need more things’. If he sees something in a shop, even in the window, he sprints out with more gifts he was supposed to buy and gives them to you the next time he sees you - making sure to add the Mayday participated in the wrapping paper!

He’s quite a chill parent considering he’s taking care of a baby and a teenager. While he’s gonna be watching out for you, making sure you don’t overdo your strength and aren’t damaging stuff; he would hate to get yelled at Miguel for things that are broken.

Peter always makes sure you feel loved, often giving you hugs and affection that you may feel uncertain about. He always reaches out, asking if he can do anything to help you and that you know he’s here to support you.

Though, Peter is quite a touchy person and if you prefer not to be touched and rather be shown affection through gifts, acts of service, or words, he’s happier to do that as his goal is to make sure you feel comfortable and safe in his presence.

—

Masterlist || Please consider reblogging and commenting instead of liking, it helps me as a creator!! Stay well!!

© yandere-kokeshi 2023 — Do not copy, modify, edit, repost, or use my works for ASMR readings, tiktoks, or other content.

[andreal831]

I am so mad we didn’t get real mommy issues Elijah. Like we can read into it but no storyline abt him with his parents. When he went to Esther after the ball to apologise for his younger siblings’ behaviour and Esther cupped his cheek, THE FACE HE MADEEE. Like he made Esther doubt her plan for a second, he also out of all his siblings wanted to be a real family the most he wanted it to work sm. They didn’t even show us him that disappointed at Esther’s real plan.

I often wonder if Elijah's mommy issues are worse than his daddy issues. I could write a book on how badly they both messed all of their children up, but particularly Elijah.

As you said, you can tell this by his characterization, however, a lot of people overlook it because he is not as blatant with it as other's, namely Klaus. But how he interacts with everyone and even the relationships he has show just how badly these issues are.

From the flashbacks, and even his present day actions, you can tell that a lot was put on Elijah from a very young age. He feels personally responsible for his siblings. Not only their well-being but their behavior. The scene you pointed out perfectly shows this. I had to go back and make a gif of it. Esther is actively planning to kill her children and tells Elijah that she "wish[ed] the others were more like [Elijah]." Elijah doesn't fully get the gravity of it, but as the audience we do. Maybe if the others were more like Elijah, Esther wouldn't feel the need to kill them all. The pressure this simple 'compliment' puts on Elijah to keep his siblings in line is indicative of the guidance he has gotten his whole life. If he could keep his siblings well behaved, bad things would stop happening to them.

People call out his suits and his "cleanliness" but it's literally a trauma response. Esther, at one of the lowest moments in his life, used magic and told him that if he kept himself clean, everything would be okay. She then emphasizes this by coming back to life and reminding him that he is the 'moral' son, even knowing everything she knows about him.

This is reinforced when just a couple of years later, Esther imprisons and tortures Elijah, calling him a monster. She had all of the same knowledge in TVD as she did in TO. We can blame it on bad writing, but it's canon, so if we are accepting it as is, it's pure manipulation. It was a reminder from her that he allowed himself and his siblings to slip and that made him a monster.

Elijah throughout the shows struggles to connect with anyone in a meaningful way. Even those he loves outside of his family are easily discarded when necessary. While he feels guilty and lonely doing so, he does not hesitate to protect his family. The entirety of 'always and forever' is based on the fact that Esther and Mikael raised them to believe that their family was more important than anyone else. They were willing to anger nature in order to protect their family. To Elijah, that literally meant his siblings lives mattered more than anyone, including himself.

He so desperately wanted a family, wanted his family, to be happy and together. Yes, he makes plenty of mistakes along the way, but his underlying impulse is to protect his family. He wanted to make his parents proud, he wanted their love, but we never see him receive it. Even as a child, he is basically discarded. Elijah struggles with his self worth because of this. He even tells Hayley he has no purpose to his family if he isn't fighting to save them. He feels he has no worth outside of his role in saving his family.

Esther's neglect left lasting wounds in Elijah that are only brought up on occasion and then quickly glossed over. Even after he found out what he did to Tatia, we get like one episode for Elijah to grieve and then it shifts to him begging Klaus for forgiveness for some reason. Elijah never has a moment to just feel. His pain is always deprioritized in order to support his family.

Thanks for the ask!

[rovieghoul]

new to the fandom, what did per eriksson do that you don’t support him?

Thanks for asking, I'm going to say and show a lot of stuff so, read if you want to be informed

his gf (ash costello) has been problematic for a very long time, and now her being a zionist/pro-israel, and Per not minding it was what made me stop supporting him.

She posted a picture with the frontman of the band Disturbed, who also posted this massive bullshit:

("#zionist forever" pretty disgusting.)

This man also took a photo of himself, singing bombs that were sent to Palestine. After she published the photo of her and this man, she next posted something like "You mad?😂" (I don't exactly remember)

Being proud about supporting the murder, torture, r4p1ng of innocent women, children, men, families, and then be like "oooh everyone is going to go crazyy 😈😈" makes you a weirdo

She's also an abuser

Started to date Per, they did everything a couple would do, wear matching bracelets, rings, post hints of them dating, ash used per's clothes, cute photos, etc. But it was all happening when ash was still married. Not blaming him for not knowing she was cheating on her husband, but not also not saying he's completely innocent, it is not known if he was aware of this.

Theres also allegations of her being a pedophile, but I'm not fully aware of that.

Theres A LOT, of stuff, threads and post about ash costello, and many of them aren't saying exactly beautiful things about her. The funniest one is her faking being a fan account of herself and got caught.

But with Per, hes just sitting, being around a Zionist, abuser, manipulator, cheater and a liar and doesnt mind it. I'm not saying her actions make him the same as her, i know this man is loved by ghost and katatonia fans, even his friend, including the ghouls in ghost, but supporting someone whos supporting and dating a zionist? someone who supports another zionist, who seems very passionate about it? not for me, sorry, im separating sodo (ghoul) from him.

watching fans just switch up when he made his first live today (June 30 2024) was wild, kind of disappointed and confusing.

All this being said, its up to everyone else to keep supporting him, not saying you should boycott his whole career and just erase him from your mind, but please be aware of this, and try to understand my reasons.

(me when i realized all this)

[theredpharaoah]

Dare I say we give Giles too much. I think him not giving Buffy the Slayer Handbook was dumb and ignorant. The Handbook didn’t just have rules for the Slayer, it was the definitive guide to magic on Earth and its history. The fact they never pull it out again after the first episode irritates the hell out of me. How helpful would that have been for all the Scoobies - Willow could’ve picked up magic way quicker. It probably would’ve helped Buffy hone the psychic abilities she never really developed. Remember how she’s supposed to be able to sense vampires and stuff? And in the comics, Erin had access to all the Slayer memories(I’m pretty sure) because he inherited the psychic side of the lineage. Again, that could’ve been cool to see and very helpful.

I also feel - as stated many times before - Giles completely failed with Faith. People talk about how Buffy built up that rapport with Giles and her friends - that she made their relationship the way it was. But that’s irrelevant because the relationship was present and stable at the time of Faith’s arrival. We see when Kendra comes that even the Giles is a bit taken-aback to her very by-the-book approach to being a slayer. So when Faith came - who is extremely similar to Buffy - how did Giles not immediately feel that paternal instinct he has with Buffy, Willow, and Xander? That sort of instinct comes easier the more people you consider to be your “children”. I mean it’s crazy that The Mayor had to take Faith out of that nasty ass motel. A literal demon had to go “that’s no place for a young girl”. And sure he had a motive but the fact that none of the decent people had already said it? And the way they handled the accidental kill of the evil assistant to the mayor? First of all, the Slayer killing humans is frowned upon but it’s not a hard and fast rule. I’m not saying they should just go around killing ppl, but I’m not going to feel bad that Faith killed a man who was working for demons anyway. And compare that to how they reacted to Buffy Killing Ted(when they thought she had); completely different reaction. And Buffy had exhibited far more animosity towards Ted, than Faith had for some random who got in the way.

Giles as an adult - and something of an educator - should’ve immediately clocked that Faith did not have the same upbringing as the other 3, that the Scoobies were falling into their childish instincts and alienating her, and he should’ve gone out of his way to include her and impress upon the others why they needed to accept her. Especially after they found out about her Watcher’s death and saw how terrified she was of Kakistos. Why did Buffy and Angel have to be the ones to find out Faith needed to be fought for - that she needed help to deal with her trauma. I was really disappointed in Buffy as she’d lost her watcher and relocated just like Faith. She also understood how lonely and dangerous it is being a Slayer. But I can’t blame Buffy all that much cuz she’s a kid. And Giles willing all of his things to Faith in the comics and only the Slayer Handbook to Buffy did not move me. Giles considered Buffy to be the “One True Slayer” was not a gag. Everyone considers her to be that, giving her this handbook after she’s been a Slayer for damn near a decade is insulting. She don’t need that shit no more - she had to learn it all on the job. And giving Faith his money so she could retire from violence? Faith’s violence wasn’t the issue, her relationship to it was. The whole thing read as very melodramatic and self-absorbed.

Giles was very childish and we see it all throughout the series, but especially in the later seasons. I mean when you actually think about it, he’s so ridiculous. Buffy was 22 at the end of the series. 22 and she has to take care of a teen sister, pay mortgage, bills, etc. Could you imagine that amount of responsibility at that age? Our society still considers 22 year olds to be pseudo-teens for the most part. And he left cuz he “didn’t want her to become dependent on him”…what type of shit? She was already dependent on you - you’d been her Father Figure since she was 16 and throughout a boatload of trauma. You pretty much raised the girl. And you know that - that’s why you had a dream of taking child Buffy to the fair. He’s human, but that doesn’t excuse the level of cowardice he exhibited for me.

Also, I think instead of killing Jenny in Passions, they should’ve had her live. I think she would’ve been great as Faith’s mentor. And while she didn’t take the Scoobies to task for blaming her about Angel and alienating her, I definitely think she would’ve gotten them together for their treatment of Faith. I also think she would’ve pointed out Giles’ differential treatments of the two.

[ellievickstar]

Final Choice

A/N: So, I saw your guys making up ideas for this part…I must say. Some were happy, some just wanted Azriel to suffer…which one did I go with? Well…read to find out :) Also the beginning of this fic is in Rhys’s POV since Azzy and our dearest Y/N are kind unconscious

Summary: When then mating bond finally snaps into place, what are you meant to do when you realise your mate has another in his heart, will you break it off to save yourself, or will your mate be able to save this heartbreak?

Request: N/A

Pairing: Azriel x Witch!Reader

Warnings: Self-hate. Mostly written in Rhys's POV I thought it would be funny to see his monologue of things. confessions. Heartache.

~*~*~*~*~

Rhys’s POV

This was…unexpected. Not that it wasn’t out of character for Azriel or Y/N to end up sabotaging themselves instead of talking through their issues like normal adult faeries or witches. I shook my head as Nesta helped to break the shield around Y/N. Thankfully, for that spell to work, the witch casting it had to be able to stay awake the whole time, if not, the safety measure — that had been weaved into the ritual by Y/N’s mother — would kick in and stop all magic completely.

Both were alive and I breathed out a sigh of exasperation. Couldn’t they have waited until the morning to do something so extreme? I was pretty sure I was still hungover from drinking with Cassian and Azriel to distract one from worrying over the fact his mate hadn’t come home. He could feel her alive and well across the bond, but I suspected she needed space, so we made sure we drank him into literal oblivion.

If only I had known this was what she was doing….

I shook my head. No, this wasn’t my fault. Feyre had already been telling me to stop blaming myself for everything that happened to our friends, but hell, if I had let Azriel go after her then maybe they’d work through their feelings, if I had ordered him away from Elain when I first suspected that he was starting to hurt Y/N, maybe things would be different.

I heard my mate come up behind me, she glanced at the pair, shaking her head disappointed. it reminded me of my mother when she caught me trying to sneak out for a flight around Moonstone palace. Wrapping a wing around Feyre, I pulled her closer to me, making sure to drape an arm around her waist.

“Nyx is asleep again, he had quite a fright from all the screaming, but he’s alright now,” She murmured. I hummed as I watched Madja — her eyes looked as if she was going to kill both witch and Illyrian once they awoke — with the help of Nesta and Cassian, drag both unconscious bodies to separate rooms.

“Azriel is…a dumbass,” Amren said from beside us, Varian nodding from beside her. I had no clue where the latter had come from, but it was anyone’s guess what the two had been up to when the events earlier transpired. Feyre agreed with Amren, but I had a small inkling that she was being biased towards the witch she considered a sister. Smiling to myself, I let go of Feyre if only to pick up the worn out leather book that had been beside the symbol-spell-ritual, whatever the witches called it.

Flipping through the pages, I noted that there was no name on the book, but I was sure that this was a diary. There were personal accounts of someone’s life, while a few pages here and there were sketches of spells or instructions on witch magic. That’s when I came across a familiar name. This entry said:

‘Y/N is only five now. But, I can sense the war is coming…soon. I don’t know if I will survive. My Magic is growing weaker, Y/N is feeding off of it, but who could blame her? Especially…when she’s more powerful then any other witch in history. I don’t quite remember what her father was…but his name. I will never forget his name. My love. I miss my lover.

So this was her mother’s diary. Interesting indeed. I hummed carefully as I closed the book, all the information I needed was inside. All I needed to do now was get a hold of that sand that was used in Y/N’s rituals. “Feyre darling, how would you like to speak to the dead?”

~*~*~*~*~

Y/N’s POV

“Why do you love him, Y/N?” You closed your eyes as the question rang through you. “In all of my lonely nights, when I was a ghost inside, he was there for me. Whenever I drank too much, whenever my eyes cried floods, he would be there for me, he’d listen. He made my demons go away, he would clear the darkness, he was there for me. He was there when I lost faith, he was there through every heartbreak. And I’d do the same for him,” You admitted.

Your ancestor smiled at you. “My dearest child, you can’t see it can you?” “See what? I love him. I love him I love him I love him. But I don’t understand if he loves me? When I look at him and her I can’t help but wonder ‘what about us’? what about all the times we spent together? What about all the times he said he would have the answer for me? What about all the moments we shared, what about all the disastrous pranks, plating footsie under the table, laughing together under the night sky during Starfall? What about love? What about trust, what about us?” Tears began to fill your eyes. You didn’t understand anymore. You were so sure that breaking the mating bond was the answer, but when you did you felt it, that love for you, but you also felt that love he had for her. Her.

You couldn’t put it into words. How you felt that roar of love for you, but there was that spark, there was something that kept him from loving your completely. And you didn’t understand. What happened to promises of forever, what happened to ‘whatever end’? What happened to the both of you. You wanted to cry, you wanted to scream at him, wanted to let this pain, this confusion out. You couldn’t help but feel so alone. What happened to the times you stuck around with him even when everyone blamed him for something went wrong. What happened to the times you would listen to him for hours as he croie down because of nightmares? What happened to the times you’d soothe him, even if it was the latest hours?

Your heart was breaking and there was nothing you could do about it. You had no way of knowing whether he truly loved you. How could you believe anything he said? After all the times you had to watch as he fell over himself because of Morrigan. After all the times he practically ogled at the youngest Archeron. Would there ever be a day you would find piece within your relationship? Your heart was bleeding and no amount of stitches or bandaids could stop it. You bit the back of you closed fist as you sobbed. “I can’t do this anymore…please,”

“I will always be here for you, you may summon me whenever you wish, not just in your dreams, child. But even if there are times you can’t bring yourself to call me, just look to the moon. It will shine the same wherever you are, and I’ll be here as you search for the light,” She bent to your height as she gently took your hands. Her fingers lightly brushed against your cheeks. “It doesn’t matter what he decides, in the end, you are still the most powerful queen of witches there has ever been,” You nodded, but something in you wanted to know more. But before you could ask anything, she had already disappeared, leaving you alone in the endless darkness of your own mind.

~*~*~*~*~

Rhys’s POV

Getting ahold of the sand as a fae, was hard. We visited six different merchants all selling witch’s tools before finally we met a merchant that could sell us the sand. Feyre had gasped when she hear the price, but to me it felt like I had barely scratched the surface of my account, Feyre called me entitled when I said that to her. (A/N: we love rich Rhys)

Okay…so the book says to pour the sand on the ground in this shape. Feyre held out a hand and I was confused at first before she rolled her eyes and said, “You’ll get it wrong, plus, I paint, so I have steadier hands then you,” I wanted to scoff but she was right. She was better suited doing this. Especially with those hands that were basically built for painting and good artwork.

After the...spell? Ritual? Magic Shape? - I'll have to ask Y/N - was complete, I opened the diary and chanted the words that was written. Light magic seemed to burst from the sand was it began to glow. Feyre squinted her eyes against te bright light while poor me had to keep on reading the book.

And as the light finally began to dull down I looked up, and smiled.

"Your majesty," I purred as I bowed to the hooded figure before me. Feyre looked confused at first, but as the woman lifted her head and smiled down at us, she froze and curtsied.

"No need for that High Lord and Lady of the Night Court, though, I did wonder when you would finally call. It seems my daughter has gotten into a bit of trouble, hasn't she?" I nodded, rising to face her. She was as elegant as I remember, clad in white as flowers were weaved through her thick curls. Unlike Y/N's near-straight brown hair, hers was dark and black as a crow's feathers. She held her head high with an air of grace as her crown signalled to all who she truly was, the hood she had previously cloaked herself with melting away.

The late Queen of Witches. Y/N's mother.

"Well to be quite clear, your daughter is an absolute joy and she will make a wonderful king. But unfortunately, we do have a few questions, concerning the spell that breaks the mating bond," She nodded, wanting me to continue. "I can sense it...I can still smell the connection between them and even as they shut me out of their minds their souls still seemed to be intertwined. So if that spell didn't break the bond, what exactly did it do?"

She hummed, considering my question carefully, thinking silently to herself before nodding as if agreeing to something. "I cannot tell you much, High Lord, but what I can tell you, is that what is that both of them are the key to what holds them back. Not one, but both," I wanted to ask her more. Beg her for answers if it meant saving my two friends, but without a word she had vanished, the spell had given out. I had no skill of my own to be able to maintain the line of communication between us and the afterlife, I couldn't redo the spell. I didn't know how to save my friends from themselves.

~*~*~*~*~

Y/N POV

Blinking away the darkness you were greeted to a warm sight, with shadows creeping across the ceiling, and a shadow singer sitting close to your bed, his arms crossed, fury was clear as day, stricken across his face.

"Why would you do that?" you sat up, trying to understand his question. All you remembered was the pain...the ritual...the mating bond! You reached out to that tether you used to feel and as I realised it was still there my heart sank. "I- I didn't think you truly wanted me as a mate," You blurted out as you silently arose from your bed.

"What must I do to make you understand? I want to be with you!" He tried to approach you, but you raised a hand and he stopped. "Why? Because of this- this cauldron forsaken mating bond? Because you feel some nobility some honour saying that you chose to be with your mate!? You didn't even want to be with me. Even before, you were going to leave me, now the only difference is that your soul is bound to me and even then everything you do is just-" He let go of an exasperated breath as he listened to you rattle on.

"What can I do? I told you I love you but it seems everything I do is some scheme or because I feel pity for you. Have I hurt you so much that you cannot bring yourself to believe that every single thing I do is insincere," He paused, breathing heavily as he stepped towards you. "I don't know what else to say, what to do. I'm sorry. I love you. I wish I could take everything back. But don't walk away from me. Hit me, tear me apart, give me new scares to carry the shame for the rest of my life. Break my heart, break it a thousand times over, it was only yours to break anyways. But stay with me. Please," You didn't know what to do, and as his hands finally reached you, red hot magic seemed to burn between you as you gasped and he hissed, pulling away.

What in the name of the mother? You blinked as the red print of magic from his had seemed to fade away slowly from my skin. That was...how. Looking back at Azriel you tried to recall what you had read about the ritual. When it failed it would create a shield between both mates so that the ritual would not be tried again. The only way to break this spell was...you shook your head and sobbed into the back of your fist as you made a terrible realisation.

"The book- 'This wall shall only be destroyed if both souls accept their own and each others truest emotions for each other. Only then will they come together.'" Tears streamed down your face, you had been so stupid. So, so stupid. And now it was hurting Azriel. You felt so stupid, and angry.

You tried to sit back down, but you completely missed the bed and tumbled to the floor, Azriel unable to do anything as he stared at his own hands, shock still written in his features.

This was bad.

"I see you both have finally awoken. And now we know what the little spell did," Rhysand spoke up. You whipped your head to the door and there he stood. Feyre smiling as she waved to you, happy that you hadn't killed yourself on accident yet. "The spell shouldn't exist. I have accepted that Azriel will never love me, and he has accepted that I will always love him, even if it tears me apart inside, even if it has nearly killed me...several times," You said. Azriel shook his head as he buried his face in his hands, and Rhys seemed to frown.

The High Lord and High Lady said nothing in response, only opting to pat Azriel on the back as they left. You didn't understand. You had to be right. There was no way that Azriel loved you, right?

No. These hopeful thoughts would only harm you. You mustn't think too much of what ifs. That's when Azriel finally spoke. "I swear to you, I will spend the rest of my time here making up for everything I did. I can't excuse how I've hurt you, but I will try to fix this. I will court you how I should have, love you until you can see, and I will wait for you, everyday," Gazing up into his brown eyes, ones that were usually piercing and intimidating now soft and sincere. You smiled as a small piece of you heart began to believe that maybe, this could be real, allowing you to make, this final choice.

"Okay."

~*~*~*~*~

A/N: I decided to stop torturing you guys. I love all of you <3333 my bestest babes. I will be doing bonuses if anyone has any requests, but this marks the end of the choice series. I know this is abit rushed but it's been dragged on for so long and I didn't want the series to be long either. Also because I think you guys kinda deserve a happy ending. I love you <33

taglist: @azriels-mate123 @penguinsworldsblog @hannahx1111 @jacksonpleasestopkillingme @positivewitch @happyseadreams @fuckthatfeeling @meritxellao @xiangping-28 @clarkie-carmody-blog @aroseinvelaris @azrielhours @shadowsinger-654 @azzydaddy @nisa-wisa @cosmic-whispers @cat-or-kitten @thecraziestcrayon @thegirlintheshadows101 @marina468 @act1839 @bigcreatorwombatdreamer @holywolfsstuff @gengen64 @goldenmagnolias @tobifeemo @readerworld22 @cyrygher @shisingh @txzii @antisentimentalus @t0uch-starved-h0e

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[stargleam-star]

My thoughts on Star, and A Starless Clan as a whole:

Spoilers ahead for A Starless clan amd a bit of Ivypool's Heart if it wasn't obvious. Time for me to go on a rant! It's gonna feature me mostly gushing about Frostpaw because she's the only character with enough substance to talk in length about. But I've got other things to talk about too I guess. Lets get into it:

As usual, Frostpaw was the best character of the book and honestly the most relatable. She kept Going Through It until basically the very end and I felt so bad for her.

What I am glad about though is that she got the killing blow on Splashtail! Fuck yeah that's my baby girl <3

But he did get a hit in on her before the end and left her basically comatose which was tragic. Reading Frostpaw drift in and out of consciousness and what she saw while knocked out was really cool tho. I especially liked that she got to have deeper conversations with Curlfeather. She wanted so desperately for her mother to admit fault, to show some remose for her actions. Instead Curlfeather kept focusing on how Splashtail ruined her plans, and how he's to blame. All she wanted to do was protect Frostpaw and Riverclan. There wasn't the slightest bit of remorse at all. It was so tragic reading Frostpaw wishing her mother would hold herself accountable. It really hit home with me. In the end, Curlfeather couldn't face the truth and left Frostpaw behind to conclude her mother wasn't a good person and learn to accept that so she could move on. Heartwrenching stuff imo

I got really sad when Frostpaw started taking a turn for the worse and finally got to see Starclan. She got to meet her dad and was so happy, he made her realize that she needs to focus on herself and her happiness instead of worrying about everyone else's needs. Nobody understands how fucking Relatable that is to me. Nobody come near me rn.

Frostpaw wanted so badly to finally give up and be at peace. She wanted to be happy and relax, and to help in other ways. As much as that would have crushed me for her arc to conclude with her death, it really did feel like a good end for her. She would have done so well as a Starclan messenger. She deserves the rest. Sadly the narrative didn't want that to be the end of her, so she got to come back. Hooray /s

I like the medicine cat name she was given! Frostdawn is pretty (although I am lowkey disappointed she wasn't named Frostfeather, and that's not because I wanted her sharing a name with Curlfeather. I've got an oc named Frostfeather and it would have been amazing for a canon POV character to have that name too. Alas).

I'm also going crazy over the fact that her and Whistlepaw (now Whistlebreeze) got named together. I love these two lesbians so much its insane. The speech Frostpaw gave Whistlebreeze about being a good medicine cat and how grateful she was to have been saved by her? I'm planning their wedding as we speak

Frostdawn ended up choosing Icewing as Riverclan's leader, which was the obvious choice from the start imo. Also very predictable but what do I expect from a series written for 6th graders? I'm still salty as hell we got to see her leader ceremony but never Squirrelstar's.

I find it weird that Icewing was against Frostpaw in the beginning of Wind but then came around to "omg you were right" because Splashtail got mean. It was kind ooc for her, but then again she stopped having a bigger role during that book up until the end of Star.

Why tf was Icewing's voice the loudest that Frostpaw heard when cats started singing to bring her back to life? Also how tf were regular warriors able to sing to reach Frostpaw's spirit? I get that Tree was with them, and Icewing had spent a few days with The Sisters in Ivypool's super edition, but it doesn't explain how they were able to get that power. Also it was "all the she-cats that love [Frostpaw]" which included cats such as Duskfur and Mothwing who'd been mean to her throughout a good chunk of the arc... ok. Anyways.

All of A Starless Clan should have been soley in Frostdawn's point of view. Nightheart and Sunbeam barely brought anything to the table

Might as well talk about them. I like how Nightheart's character arc finished. He wasn't a jerk by the end and started being more respectful. His POV felt pointless most of the time, but I liked getting a glimpse of the inside of Riverclan during the height of Splashtail's reign (more on that soon)

Sunbeam's POV was completely unnecessary. While I liked that we got deeper thoughts on Berryheart as a result of Sunbeam, I don't think we really needed it for the story. I don't even think the way things wrapped up between them was good.

I'm gonna talk about Berryheart now because she's more interesting. I've come to the conclusion that the Erins dropped the ball with her as a villan. By the end, she was nothing more than a traitor in every single way. She was untrustworthy and I cheered when she died. She should have died 3 books ago if she wasn't gonna do anything worthwhile. No her trying to get Shadowclan on her side to let her be leader in the end qhike trying to convice them to rise up against Riverclan was not good. It was stupid as hell, almost as stupid as her joining Riverclan and becoming its deputy

I'm gonna talk about Splashtail but there's not a lot to say that I haven't already (but I will repeat myself). It felt like the Erins were trying to remake Tigerclawstar and his villan arc with Splashtail. Think about it. Ambitious, broad shouldered, dark brown tabby tom, who conspired with cats from another clan to kill their leader in order to gain power for themself? Check. A merger of Shadowclan and Riverclan? Check. Evil cat wanting to rule all the clans? Check. A deputy slain for having a different opinion? Check that off too.

As stated before the only differences between Tigerclawstar and Splashtail was that Splashtail was a lazy coward, Tigerstar actually belived in Starclan and its strength, and Splashtail had none of the charm or support that Tigerclawstar had. Also Splashtail had to resort to threatening the life of kits to get cats to do what he wanted, while Tigerclan followed Tigerclawstar's rule because he was formidable and had cats in it who truly believed in him and his vision for the future

Splashtail was written to be so cartoonishly evil and it was a sad thing to read. I'm glad Frostpaw got to kill him, and I loved how he was tormented until the end by Curlfeather's demon spirit.

I didn't like how they implied Splashtail might be the way he was due to mental illness though. I'm probably gonna get hate for saying that, lol. But in the last book they wrote him to seem like s psychopath, as well as implied him to be schizophrenic because he was talking to someone that wasn't visible (even though he was actually seeing a real dead person. But nobody but Splashtail and the audience got to know that). They literally called him crazy throughout the last book, the entire time. And idk it just felt like they were villifying mental illness a bit as a result. Again I'm probably reading into it too much, don't come at me please

The leaders were not as impactful in Star as I'd hoped. But at least they acted and fought together in the end. I loved that the leaders actually participated in the battles to liberated Riverclan instead of only sending warriors to do it. I love seeing leaders fighting for the good of their clan and putting their lives on the line (that's what their 9 lives are for. Looking at you Brambleclaw)

I didn't like that sone of Riverclan's cats were trying to join Thunderclan near the end of Star and I liked how Squirrelstar acknowledged that they had too many warriors as itwas, and how they had to expand the warrior's den in the past because of it. Wish the Erins would do something about all those cats

99% of Thunderclan was not mentioned at all this book, including the elders + Brambleclaw from what I read (I might've skimmed iver smth tho idk) but there was mention of cats like Myrtlebloom and fucking Eagletail for sone reason (is that their name? I can't remember). Tell me why any of these cats are alive if they're not worth mentioning while we have a camp scene? At least I got to see my girl Daisy <3

A Starless Clan had so much potential and the writing and mystery in the beginning were really good. I just wish they'd kept it up throughout.

Star felt like a flat finish and while I liked the way Frostpaw's chapters concluded and the whole main plot of Riverclan without a leader, I hate that the book ended on a Nightheart chapter and that the last like was about how he "could be brave and loyal no matter what his name was." Like that was a really dumb final chapter of the arc, a genuinely novice choice. It ruined the arc conclusion for me. Frostdawn's chapter should have been last

OverallI I will give Star a 3/10, and A Starless Clan 5/10 stars. It could have been great. But then, it wouldn't be Warriors would it?

[1d1195]

Protection V

You can read the rest of Protection here

A little shorter of an update. Probably another update on the shorter side after this. I promise there's a point to all this.

Warnings: bit of angst, descriptions of blood

4.8k words.

But when she did stuff like this it was hard to believe that she liked him in any sort of way. It just made him mad, and he thought that all that time he spent building this relationship with her was a waste.

Her mom was stubborn. Everyone thought it was from her dad because a top political official had to have a certain amount of discipline. A certain amount of stamina and determination to get what he wanted. To achieve the success that he had. But it was her mom that taught her to believe in whatever she wanted but she needed to believe it proudly.

Her mom was the one who cared for her attention to science. She cultivated her love of experimenting and hypothesizing like she was a garden of food. She was the one that made her believe in all the good the world had to offer, all the good people. When she was scared or sad about the things on TV, she reminded her to look for the people that helped because there were always people that helped—even in the gravest of situations. It was heartwarming to have such belief in humanity. She thought about her mom every day and she hoped her mom would be proud of her for sticking to her guns and believing in the good and more importantly herself.

She was endlessly grateful for her mom’s stubbornness for so many reasons she couldn’t begin to explain. She was bold and brave. It was the reason an entire division of grown men and women feared her just by walking in a room. The reason she was academically successful and worked so hard. Her mom was her everything and she was so glad she taught her to be independent.

Except for right now.

Because sometimes, her stubbornness got her into downright stupid situations, and she was left with no one to blame but herself. She pulled her jacket collar closer around her neck and sighed. If her mom could see her now, she wondered if she would be mad. Maybe she would laugh at her determined daughter seeing her on the bench in the middle of the park. It was raining, freezing cold rain, and her ankle was too swollen to move—she had barely made it to the bench.

Harry was going to kill her.

But for a few moments, she would have a pity party for herself while she waited for her phone to charge enough to turn on in her purse. At least she came prepared with a portable charger this time. She hoped Harry would see it that way. Each time his curly brown hair and his green eyes popped into her mind; she felt a pang of disappointment in herself. Harry was so nice. He was so gentle with her even when she was a bitch, and she knew it.

It was probably extremely against protocol for her to be in love with him.

Her phone began vibrating about a hundred times in one minute and even though it seemed excessive, she was glad he was worried. Even if it was just for his job. She didn’t bother reading the worried text messages. She didn’t listen to his angry voicemails.

If he were my boyfriend this would be so controlling, I would be out of there in two seconds flat. Why am I liking all this?

If she thought for longer than two seconds, it was because she knew that despite his job, he was worried about her. But she couldn’t think like that. Harry didn’t like her like that, he couldn’t like her like that. He had his whole bit about protocol and this...relationship...they had.

He wasn’t in love with her, she decided.

She put the phone to her ear after tapping Harry’s name. She wasn’t sure it rang long enough for even one ring to go through but naturally, he answered.

“I’m in the park,” she said before he started yelling at her. “I’m fine,” she added. Although she felt he probably didn’t care at that point. If it were her, she’d probably say something like “not for long.” Harry, though, despite how annoyed he got with her, how angry he got, never said things like that. Even as a joke. Maybe it was protocol, but she definitely knew others wished her dead behind her back.

She heard him rattling off a list of questions into her ear, angry swears dotting his phrases and questions. But she ignored it all and found comfort in just the tone in his voice.

“I’m in the park, I won’t move,” she didn’t think telling him she couldn’t move was necessary. She hung up before he started yelling again.

*

Every time Harry thought he was making progress with her, it felt like they went right back to square one. The night’s adventure led her through a bathroom window once more. Harry swore he was going to put a tracking device on all her clothes, and he was going to tell her as soon as he found her.

After all that, he wondered why she felt the need to leave through the window. Like he wouldn’t happily follow her without question. The guy seemed nice. Despite the fact they were in a seafood restaurant that she didn’t like. He held her seat out, he asked questions about her and her studies. When he left, he kissed her cheek. She told Harry she just wanted to run to the bathroom first and then poof.

Harry wondered if he cramped her style. Part of him hoped that was the case, honestly. Harry wasn’t sure how he would like the whole dating scene when there was someone constantly hovering near by worried about his safety. But by now she had to know this was his job, that he took very seriously, and after the other really bad night, he wanted her to know that he would keep her safe. Even if he wasn’t part of DSS he believed he would try and keep her safe, he liked her a lot. It was bad how much he liked her. When he wasn’t around her, he thought about what she was doing. If she was giving the agents a hard time. He refrained from messaging her all day even though it was the only thing on his mind. He wished her luck for her classes—especially when she had a quiz. But other than that, he tried not to think about her.

It was next to impossible. She invaded his every thought. Like a little flower, a wildflower, poking through the cracks of his brain and growing where it shouldn’t.

Even if it was beautiful and lovely where it grew.

But when she did stuff like this it was hard to believe that she liked him in any sort of way. It just made him mad, and he thought that all that time he spent building this relationship with her was a waste.

He pulled his jacket collar around his neck snuggly. A new burst of anger surged through him because she was out in this terrible weather anyway. If she wasn’t in the park, he was going to lose his mind.

Fortunately, his mind would stay intact. He saw her vibrant red raincoat across the way, even through the pouring rain. She was sitting on a bench. No doubt drenched through and through.

Was she just enjoying a good rainstorm? She made him so angry he could spit. He hustled through the rain, not caring that he was getting soaked either.

“What is your problem?” He snapped when he was within earshot. She didn’t look at him, which made him madder. “I don’t care if y’don’t like me,” Harry knew that was a lie. He wanted her to like him so badly. “I don’t understand. One minute we can watch movies and another you’re leaving me in the dust,” she imagined if they were in her apartment he would be pacing back and forth. But it was raining, so he didn’t. “Y’don’t have t’like me, but I don’t like being unemployed. Every time they ask if I want t’be reassigned I ask if y’don’t want me anymore. They tell me y’don’t want t’fire me so I jus’ don’t get it,” he was so frustrated. She wondered why tonight was the breaking point for him. Because there were at least ten other grievances that Harry could have faulted her for before tonight, but it seemed like today was the worst. “Why would y’run away like that? S’not like I haven’t been kind t’your needs and all the things y’want t’do. Why would—why are y’sitting in the rain?” His tone of voice changed from his rant. Like he only just realized where they were and that it was raining. “S’freezing cold? Where is your date?”

She didn’t speak for a moment and Harry wanted to shake her. He thought she was annoying, but this was so agitating he wanted to throw his phone across the park. Then maybe shake her. “They ask if you want to be reassigned?” She wondered. He ignored her question.

“Why are y’sitting, alone, in the park, love?” His gentleness was back.

Another beat of silence. “Why don’t they like me?” She whispered, barely. Harry almost didn’t hear her over the rain.

“What?”

She sniffled and looked up at Harry.

All the anger left his body. He didn’t care about his job, if he was unemployed, he didn’t care if the ground opened up below his feet and sucked him down to the core. All that mattered were the tears in her beautifully sad eyes. The fact they were soaked to the bone didn’t matter.

She was okay, that much was clear—at least, she was mostly okay.

“I told him about you. Pointed to where you were sitting. He told me to ditch you, so we could be alone. I don’t know why I did it, Harry. I’m sorry. I know I could have asked you, but I just...” she shook her head, disappointed in herself as much as Harry seemed to be. Her mom would be disappointed too, she was sure. Letting a guy dictate what to do. It was nearly against her religion. “We were cutting through the park, and I twisted my ankle on the edge of the sidewalk. I barely made it to this bench and he...” she felt so stupid. “He made some...lie. I don’t know. Said he would be back...left me here and that's when I called you,” she finished. “Why don’t boys like me?” She asked. “I’m...” she sniffled. “I know I don’t need them,” she told Harry. “But I’m so alone all the time. I want one. I want someone to love me,” her voice was so sad Harry wanted to scream. He was heartbroken, he could even tell the difference between her tears and the rain falling down her cheeks.

He didn’t want to tell her that he probably loved her—well he actually probably did want to tell her such. (He was in fact, sure he loved her, but he thought if he pretended that he didn’t, he wouldn’t ruin his job, or cause her to think he was insane.) Harry sighed and crouched a bit toward her. Other than the time she hugged him to thwart the flirting of the guy outside the bar back in August, he hadn’t ever really touched her. But in the past few weeks, it seemed to be the only thing he did. Cradling her was becoming dangerously like second nature. More so he did it so effortlessly, he was used to how she felt held to his chest. Her cheeks warmed because she remembered the conversation she had with him before about her minor insecurity of him sweeping her up in his arms like this. Even if he said her weight wasn’t on his mind, she imagined it wasn’t easy for him to carry a full-grown adult.

Still, he cradled her, pausing briefly to assure she was firmly in his grasp. They were drenched in rainwater and Harry worried she was going to catch a cold. He was going to insist she shower—or maybe take a bath if she couldn’t stand on her ankle. He would make her tea while she did.

He began walking back to the SUV. He released a long, almost irritated sigh as he answered. “You’re finding boys not men, love.”

She didn’t say anything in response and tried not to think about how nice it felt to be held by Harry. With her arms looped gently around his neck, she got a good view of his profile. She tried not to stare but Harry was beautiful. It was hard to look anywhere else. Even with rain pouring down his face and his hair matting to his forehead, he looked like a model for umbrellas.

He was so kind to her, even when she was awful and did stupid things like she did tonight. It was hard for her to keep up this façade that she was angry all the time around him. He broke that the very first moment he arrived outside her door, took her snide smile with ease, and just let her be. Or maybe she was finally tired of it all and Harry was just...easier.

She decided right then and there she shouldn’t torture him anymore—couldn’t torture him. It wasn’t fair to him. This was...so much more than he probably ever expected and he was so nice about it. Her other agents would have fallen through the cracks. Like a hydra, three more people sent to take their spot at this point, but poor Harry continued to stay. He didn’t deserve her being a brat. “D’you need t’go to the hospital?” He asked.

She shook her head. “No, thank you,” she answered quietly. “Sorry,” she murmured and rested her head against her arm that looped around him.

“Y’need t’find someone better than these tools y’running around with love,” he muttered.

She bit the inside of her cheek so hard she drew blood so she wouldn’t ask if he could be the someone better.

*

She was grateful no one was around to see Harry carrying her through her apartment building like a bride. She didn’t want comments and they were still soaking wet. He carefully placed her on the couch and began running around her apartment immediately. In a flash he had gotten her a change of clothes to put in the bathroom, medicine for the pain (pain that she didn’t even feel over the ache of her lonely heart), and turned on the shower to heat up. He took her shoe off and inspected her ankle.

“Do y’think y’sprained it?” He asked. She shook her head.

“No...it should be okay by tomorrow, maybe the day after at latest,” she murmured. “I went down so gracefully to keep from really spraining it,” she explained with a smirk indicating that it definitely wasn’t graceful. It was the first sign of happiness on her face.

Harry wished he was there when it happened because he was sure he would have thrown himself in her path to keep from falling in the grass. Harry was going to make a note on the guy’s file that he was a douchebag and not to be trusted.

“Of course y'did, Miss Wildflower," she shook his head with a smirk. "Do y’think y’can stand in the shower?” He asked.

She nodded looking anywhere but his face. “Can you just...carry me in there? Clothes and all? I’ll handle it from there,” she promised, cheeks reddening.

He would gladly undress her with the utmost respect if it would help her. But he kept that to himself. He grabbed her up again, once more at ease with how natural it felt and placed her in the shower. The water soaked her clothes even more. He was glad she was wearing easy things to get off. A pair of leggings, a long blouse. He thought it was deplorable of the guy to leave such a pretty girl hurt and alone in the rain. “Please, jus’ shout if y’need help. A little embarrassment isn’t worth getting more hurt,” he said gently. She nodded awkwardly.

“Thank you,” she whispered.

“Course, love.”

“Do you have to do paperwork for this?”

“I think y’know the answer t’that.”

She frowned. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “Really, truly, so horribly sorry.”

“S’okay, love,” he smiled weakly and gave her shoulder a squeeze.

“I’m not going to do it anymore,” she looked at Harry through her lashes and his heart melted. “I promise.”

Harry reminded himself that every time she promised, she meant it. So, he was a little surprised by her sudden vow. Wondering why tonight was the straw that broke the camel’s back. “Okay,” he nodded. “I believe you...shout if y’need something,” he reminded her and left her alone in the bathroom.

*

Harry took the fastest shower in the world. He didn’t have spare clothes here, he should have. It was stupid he didn’t. But she managed to find a pair of basketball shorts she had from an ex-boyfriend that she never gave back. She liked the mauve colored fabric and thought if he was going to kiss other girls while dating her, she deserved a pair of shorts in return. She found an oversized sweatshirt she bought from her college—she always found buying in the men’s section led to the comfiest hoodies—took the taking your boyfriend’s hoodie to a whole new level. Harry threw his actual clothes in the dryer.

“Think m’stuck here for a bit,” he smiled at her as he brought tea to her. She already knew that though. He had called in the car that he didn’t need his relief; it wasn’t uncommon. She was out and about, and it didn’t make sense for someone to switch out if he had it under control and it would just cause trouble.

She was setting up the next movie on their list on the TV. She tossed a blanket onto the other couch, but Harry sat beside her, pulling medical tape from the pocket of his shorts. He collected her foot in his lap and very gently pushed it into a flexed position. “S’that hurt?” He asked.

She shook her head. He was so gentle she was certain if it was broken, she wouldn’t be in pain. He looped the tape around her ankle several times, ripping off strips and making sure it was stable. It felt better already. He got up once more, hurried to the kitchen and back, before sitting beside her again. He placed a throw pillow atop his lap and placed a bag of frozen peas on her taped foot. She shivered at the chill, and he reached for the blanket on the end of the other couch to toss over the rest of her leg. “How do you know how to tape an ankle?” She asked.

He smiled. “I used t’be an EMT,” he told her. She blinked. It occurred to her she knew nothing about Harry. “Then I was private investigator,” he added to her surprise. “I didn’t really want t’be a police officer because I didn’t want t’have t’go through all the training. I actually hate carrying a gun,” he admitted. She glanced at the gun on her dining table. She never felt worried about it or about Harry having one, in fact she often forgot he even carried one. “But I had t’take a class or whatever...wanted t’make sure I knew what t’do if I needed to,” he pressed play on their movie. He turned to her surprised face. She was staring at him, not the screen. “What?” He asked.

“What’s your favorite color?” She asked.

“Orange.”

“Favorite food?”

He thought for a moment. Paused the opening credits. “Tacos...or Brussel sprouts.”

“Favorite animal?”

“Turtle.”

“Board game?”

“Scrabble.”

“Store?”

“The bookstore, I think. Maybe Target.”

She pursed her lips. “Favorite Beatle?”

He smirked. “Paul.”

“Do you like olives?”

“Hate ‘em,” he nodded. She liked them. So, there was that; the olive theory would apply to them. “Anything else?” He wondered as she thought over his answer.

“Season?”

“Spring...oh did y’mean like spice? Cause that’s curry.”

She laughed and shook her head. “Okay, that’s it for now.”

He smiled, enjoying her laughter. He enjoyed the carefree way she sounded when she wasn’t focused on hiding her feelings or pretending to be grumpy. “I’ll ask more later.”

“Sure, love. I’d like t’know some answers myself,” he said, shifting slightly to keeping the peas firmly on her injury. He didn’t seem to mind how cold it was, although she was sure his fingertips had to be numb from it because her foot was freezing.

Eventually, she fell asleep and Harry did everything he could to make her bed comfy before bringing her in. “Night, Harry,” she mumbled as he slowly closed the door.

“Night, love,” he smiled.

*

Her ankle made a full recovery by day three, as she had predicted. Once more, she proved that her promised word meant something. She didn’t escape, she listened when Harry politely asked her to leave a restaurant or store, and she didn’t fight him on any protocol. Harry hadn’t done paperwork in almost two weeks. “Are you sure you don’t want to be reassigned?” His supervisor asked again.

“Does she not want me anymore?” Harry repeated the same question he always did. With a shake of his head, Harry answered the same way he always did. “I’ll stay.”

They continued with their normal routines. Except now she asked him all kinds of questions about his favorites. She asked them all the time. “I...I thought I’d make tacos, if you want some,” she was so gentle now. Harry wondered if this was what she was like before her mum...before her dad. While her vulnerable self was definitely one of his top five favorite versions of her, he thought it was this version of her that took the number one spot. Her soft demeanor, her kind smile. She was...

Don’t go there. The little nagging voice in his head was turning into a voice with a megaphone trying to remind him about protocol and professionalism and how falling in love with the person he was supposed to protect was messy.

Not to mention frowned upon.

“Sounds good love, d’you need any help?” He asked.

She shook her head. “I’ll let you know.”

He nodded, sitting at his computer and running through his email, the list of events for the month. Harry was supposed to head back to England for New Year’s. He would celebrate Christmas late with his mum and sister. He would sleep late, go to the bakery he worked at as a teen, and crochet with his family on the porch while they sipped hot chocolate.

He hadn’t mentioned his vacation to her yet. He was beyond excited to see his family, but he knew he was going to miss the girl cutting up an avocado in the kitchen. He didn’t know how to bring it up either. Every method seemed like a bad idea. If he mentioned Christmas, he might have to talk about her dad. Which was definitely a subject he enjoyed avoiding. Bringing up his mum was also a sensitive topic.

He also worried that he would tell her he planned on getting her a gift because he didn’t think he should—she loved her birthday gift and she insisted he tell her his birthday so she could reciprocate and if she missed it, she was going to give him an extra birthday. He declined to tell her at first, but she scowled at him and refused to play the movie, put the remote down her shirt until he told her it was the first of February. He managed to keep the idea that he would gladly follow the path of the remote to—

“Harry!” She gasped loudly and he heard something clink on her tiled kitchen floor. Harry knocked his computer off the table. It clattered to the floor beside the overturned chair as he rushed to her side in the kitchen.

“What happened?!” He asked alarm ringing in his voice, reaching for her shoulders as she nearly folded herself in half clutching her left hand in a fist and placed her right hand over top it.

“Oh, my fucking God,” she hissed. “Ow, Oh my God, I’m so stupid. Ow, ow, ow,” she whimpered.

“Love, let me see,” he said nervously, encouragingly.

“I sliced my hand so bad,” she croaked. “Fuck,” she moaned. “I’m so dumb.”

“Hey, s’okay,” he said soothingly seeing the blood seep over the back of her hand. “Jus’ lemme see, love. S’okay,” he steered her toward the sink. He guided her hands over the basin and turned the water on. She slowly released her hand. It wasn’t necessarily gushing, but hand wounds always seemed to bleed profusely. He stuck her hand beneath the stream, and she flinched with a sharp intake of breath.

“It hurts,” she whined.

He nodded. “I know, love, m’sorry,” he mumbled eyeing the gash she created just below the first knuckle of her index finger right before nicking the small web of skin between her thumb and forefinger. It looked like a massive paper cut.

“Does it need stitches?” She asked nervously. “I don’t want to go to the hospital,” she frowned.

He shook his head. “No, s’not that deep,” he began opening cabinets looking for her first aid kit.

“It’s on top of the fridge,” she told him. He really liked the way she knew what he was looking for without having to say it.

“Harry,” she whined as he got the bandages he wanted out of the kit. “It hurts,” she repeated.

“I know, love. M’sorry. Hold on jus’ a second,” he tried to work quickly grabbing a paper towel to dry her hand. He switched the water off and covered the cut immediately. Drying the area. She winced at the contact of the towel and watched as it became sodden with blood. He frowned, put her hand under water once more while he grabbed more paper towels folding it into a little rectangle. He repeated the process, pulling her hand from the water, drying and then placed the little rectangle on her hand. He brought her right hand over top of it, then squeezed her hand tightly over the towels. “Hold your hand above your heart,” he said shifting her arm for her. “Keep pressure on it,” he quickly got the bandages and ointment ready on the counter beside them.

“Harry, it hurts,” she complained again, her voice catching.

“I know it does, love, m’sorry,” he frowned and turned to her again. “M’gonna try t’make it better, okay?”

She nodded and tapped her foot impatiently as he pulled the towels off and quickly slathered the area with the anti-bacterial cream the bleeding seeming to stop a good amount with the jelly-like substance keeping the blood from pouring out as quickly. “Harry,” she grumbled miserably as he continued to work diligently on her cut.

“I know, honey, m’sorry,” he repeated almost exasperated. Not with her, with the situation. He felt terrible she was in any kind of physical pain. “Jus’ another minute,” he promised and quickly laid gauze over top of the cream. She seemed to sigh with relief at that and then it was silent while he placed the tape over the bandage and skin.

Now that the pain had dissipated from her mind, it occurred to her he called her honey. It made her weak. Felt like her organs were 300 degrees hotter than they were supposed to be. She was certain if she looked up at Harry her pupils would have turned into little hearts.

He smoothed the bandages over a few times, inspecting his work and making sure it was of top quality and wasn’t bleeding any longer. She was sure stitches couldn’t have healed it faster after Harry was done with it. He gave her hand a gentle squeeze and stared at it for a moment. Time seemed to stand still as he held her hand in both of his.

Without thinking he brought it closer to his face and dropped a kiss over the top of the bandages. Somehow, through two layers of tape, gauze, and the ointment, she swore the kiss cured it. It took every ounce of her self-control to not sigh like a sappy, lovesick teen girl. The hearts in her eyes surely had Harry’s initials flashing in them.

Clearing his throat awkwardly, Harry released her hand. His cheeks turned this adorable shade of pink as he offered an uncomfortable smile. “I’ll finish the tacos,” he suggested.

She nodded. “Okay,” she mumbled. “Thank you.”

“Course, love. Sorry y’hurt yourself.”

She hoped he didn’t see the hearts in her eyes with everything in her.

Harry swore her pupils were the size of her eyes. He could have spent forever staring at her. He would kiss her hand a thousand times. All he wanted to do was stand in this kitchen and look at her for the rest of his life.

--

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If you like this, check out my masterlist for more of my writing.

[terrifyingly-overthought]

Uzi thunk…pls…

"Uzi Doorman those things killed your frikin' mother"

Did you know that Uzi's on the villains wiki? Bc I sure didn't.

Anyway Uzi Doorman hcs under the cut

Main character time lets go, jumping straight into this one:

Uzi will eventually turn into a murder drone (see my post about N for details)

Uzi absolutely refuses to say that she's dating N on principle (this is a lie and she knows it)

Uzi is always really tired, doesn't matter how much sleep she got

Uzi got over killing people waaayy too fast for everyone else's liking

Uzi's slover runs hotter than the dds but she needs to be colder, so she has to drink a LOT of oil

Uzi's tail sometimes gets stuck to things with it's spines

She tries to have a decent relationship with her dad sometimes: but it's hard to get through to him

Uzi wants to be a parent just solely so she can prove to Khan that she would be a better parent than him

Uzi sometimes experiments with her admin rights for N and V while they sleep (she once set their eyes to flash with rainbow colours and had a midnight disco on her own)

Uzi uses the healing powers of the solver to make even more dangerous tools and weapons without the risk of getting hurt

If Uzi ever found Beetlejuice the musical, she would spend days just listening to the soundtrack

Same with a lot of musicals and bands actually

The last time Khan left Uzi alone in the house for more than 12 hours, a large section of the bunker was lit on fire and destroyed

Uzi is oddly supportive of all the weird things N gets up to in the worker colony

V however has been shouted at multiple times for dropping on top of drones from the ceiling

The books Uzi uses to reach her locker are textbooks on doors that her dad wrote

She is the only one in her class that finds it weird that they can't just download the knowledge into their storage like, you know, a robot would

If she could find the spare parts, she would modify herself in any way possible (starting with extendable legs)

Uzi loves any weapon she can get her hands on and is thoroughly disappointed by her lack of claws from the solver

Uzi has a personal vendetta against a pipe that runs through her classroom after it burst and nearly short-circuited her

Uzi would be top of her class if she ever bothered to do the actual work

And if Lizzy didn't always get her dad to lower Uzi's grades

Uzi still hasn't figured out how to bypass her automatic censors, so every time she tries to properly swear she just goes *beep*

Khan fully blames N and V for activating Uzi's solver

Uzi occasionally will sleep hanging upside-down with N if they are caught out by the sun while hunting together

That's about it for this post, there are more but they start going a bit off the wall after here

Currently writing this instead of preparing for my art exam on Monday, 10 hours of lovely silence to enjoy being understimulated as all balls in... yay :(

At least I might get in some more thinking then

[storytowrite]

Title: Happy Face |part 2|

Genre: Angst

Word Count: 2046

Authors note: After reading Happy Face I was thinking about writing the continuation for a really a long time so I hope that you will enjoy reading it and I didn't disappoint you 🥰.

It's short and there's not much interaction between Y/N and SKZ here. But I felt like writing an ending to this story to just close it. I focused mostly on the feelings that Y/N felt.

……………………..

“Hyung… We have fucked things up. We all did.” It was I.N. who dared to speak, breaking the heavy silence. And those words will stay with them for a really long time. 

___________

You didn’t go to sleep that night, no. After you ended the live, leaving your fans horrified, you decided to dance once again. The mixed emotions culminated inside you. You still were angry with the boys, but also, you just stopped to care. You felt empty, with no good or bad feelings towards anyone. 

You put much more effort into your dance routine. You had to be perfect. Not for the guys, who were pushing you off limits, but to yourself. Your mind wasn’t in a good place now. To be honest, your whole body also wasn’t good. Your muscles hurt and you were simply exhausted. The pain that you felt in your back before, just came back. You haven’t told anyone about it. No one would listen anyway. 

You were too occupied by the music and your routine, but with each move your body was in worse and worse condition. Suddenly, your body had enough. You fell on the floor and lost your consciousness. 

You woke up in a hospital bed and looked around. You were alone. Your head hurt as much as your back. You sighed heavily. All this training and strict diet and everything, just to land in the hospital. You couldn’t even remember how you ended up like this. What happened? 

Suddenly, the door of your room opened, and the tall doctor entered. You looked at him. He had a look of concern on his face, looking down at your results. You felt that he wasn’t going to tell you the good news. 

“Miss Y/N.” He started, looking above his glasses. “How do you feel?” 

“I don’t know. My back and my head hurt. What happened? Why am I here?” You asked,  being confused. 

“Well, you collapsed and hit your head on the floor.” The doctor said, “You were found by one of your group’s members. 

“Ah, alright.” You shrugged. “When can I go home?” 

“We need to run some more tests… And your body’s condition is more than worse. I’m afraid that you won’t be able to go back to your previous activities for a while.” 

“What? But I have a comeback ahead!” You exclaimed. 

“I am aware of that, miss. I was speaking with your manager. Unfortunately, looking at your results, it will be better for you to just step down for a while. You cannot dance. You tore a muscle in your back.” The doctor said calmly. 

You sighed heavily, listening to everything the doctor was telling you. How come you let this happen? You should have cared more about yourself and your body. You felt like a failure. Your eyes started to water as you listened to the doctor, telling you that if you don’t step down for a while, you won’t be able to dance anymore. 

____________

In the meantime the eight men were standing in front of your room. They were worried and felt guilty for your state. They knew that it was their fault. After all, the only thing they should do, was to actually listen to what you were saying. They wanted to apologise to you, but they knew that it wouldn't be enough. 

“Alright guys. I’ll go and talk to her.” Chan was the first to break the silence. 

“No offence, hyung, but I don’t think that that’s a good idea.” Said Changbin, looking at the leader. 

“Why no?” 

“She’ll blame you. After all, you are the leader and you didn’t listen to her complain.” Changbin continued. 

“But you also didn’t listen to her and you shouted at her that morning.” Seungmin interrupted. “Remember? She stomped on your paper sheets and then…” 

“Yeah, I remember, thanks Seungmin.” Said Changbin with a heavy sigh. 

“Maybe I’ll go? I need to apologise.” Minho suddenly spoke. “I was too harsh.” 

“No Minho, we all were.” Said Felix. “But I don’t know if she’ll want to see us guys. Haven’t you seen her live? She actually has the full right to be more than upset with us.” 

“Oh come on.” Jisung interrupted and rolled his eyes. “We all fucked up, yes, but now we should all go to her room and just talk with her and apologise…” 

The boys were discussing what to do and who should go to you first. They were so occupied with the conversation that they hadn't noticed that the doctor already had left your room. They also haven’t noticed that the youngest member, Jeongin, just entered your room. 

____________

“Hey Y/N.” You heard the calm voice of the maknae. “How do you feel?” 

“Jeongin? What are you doing here?” You asked, blinking. “I feel okay, I guess.” 

The maknae sat down at the chair, next to your bed. He smiled slightly at you. He was concerned but also felt relieved that you woke up. He was afraid that you wouldn't. You looked at him and smiled back. Actually, Jeongin was the only one who ever listened to you and your complaints. Only he cared about you truly. That’s why you grew a kind of a bond with him. 

“What happened Y/N?” He asked, breaking the silence. “We all saw your live… Why didn’t you tell me anything, how you felt? You know that you can trust me, right?” He started asking you questions and you sighed. 

“Yes, I know… I just… I tried Jeonginnie. I really tried. But they… they didn’t want to listen. Too focused on the comeback. They apparently forgot that I am not a robot, but an actual human being! Besides, You were busy too.” You answered, not looking at him. 

“But I would listen!” Jeongin exclaimed. “Y/N, we all are concerned.” 

“No, Jeonginnie. You are not.” You scoffed. “No one is concerned when I silently cry and beg for help. You are only concerned when something bad happens. But now, it is too late for that.” 

“What do you mean Y/N?” He asked, looking into your eyes. 

“I’m going on hiatus. I’ve just decided.” You smiled at him. 

____________

As you decided, you just did. The hiatus was a good idea for your both mental and physical health. You needed an actual break from all the activities and from the members of your group. 

After Jeongin’s visit to your hospital room no one dared to visit you. Jeongin told the rest what you told him. The guys left you alone. Deep inside you hoped that the rest of the members would visit you too. That they cared about you just enough to check on you. But apparently, they didn’t, because no one even contacted you. 

You scoffed. You knew that they didn’t care about you, but at least they could say a stupid ‘sorry’, right? You were deep in thought as you packed all your stuff. You had to leave the dorm and disappear. You knew that you needed that. 

Leaving the dorm, while the rest of the group was at the company, preparing for the comeback, you left them a short note. You couldn’t just leave without a word, so you wrote down just one word ‘Goodbye.’

You decided to disappear from the sight of everyone. You turned off your phone notifications and went to Jeju Island to take some rest. Nobody will look there for you. You’ll be surprised if anyone will even notice. After all, nobody cared, so you didn’t feel the need to tell even your managers. 

At Jeju you felt safe. You were alone surrounded by nature. You rented a small house as far from civilization as you could. The soft air of Jeju was soothing and helped your mental state. Unfortunately, your back still hurt, though you did everything the doctor said. You knew that you needed time, but you still missed the dance practice. 

Every day you spent on the same activities. You woke up early, ate breakfast, did some light exercises to help rebuild your muscles, went for a walk, ate late dinner and went to sleep. When the weather was nice you used to go fishing with an old fisherman that lived not that far from you. You liked this routine. 

During the time you spent at Jeju you haven’t even looked at your phone. You completely cut yourself off. No electronics, no hustle and bustle of Seoul, and no Stray Kids.You could finally admit, that with that, you felt happy. 

Months passed, and your hiatus continued. The Stray Kids members felt their guilt gnawing at them.  They didn’t have any contact with you. They were miserable and scared that you did something to yourself. They missed your presence and your unique contributions to the group. Nobody could tell where you were and what happened. You just disappeared from the sight. No one could contact you. The company didn’t know your location. They even involved the police, thinking that something bad happened or that maybe someone kidnapped you. Unfortunately the investigation didn’t bring anything. Everyone was concerned. Stray Kids, the company and even your fans. They couldn’t believe that you just disappeared. 

Meanwhile, you were slowly recovering. You spent your time reflecting on your experiences, healing your body, and rediscovering yourself. You began to explore your passions outside of music and found solace in painting and writing.You just enjoyed your time. One day you decided to look into your phone. It was quite a long time since you’ve last scrolled through social media. You decided to turn your phone on and went straight on Instagram. You blinked, seeing the amount of the messages in your DMs. All your fans were sending you DMs with concerned messages. After all, you forgot to tell them goodbye. You also had a bunch of messages from your group members. All of them were spamming your phone, both on a group chat and in private. They were all concerned. They asked you to just text them back, to give a sign that you are alive. They were also apologising through texts. You also got several voice messages, mostly from Han, Felix and Jeongin. You read everything and listened to every voicemail you received. Finally you decided to answer all the questions and reply to all messages. You smiled to yourself. It’s time, you thought to yourself. You put on some makeup and dressed modestly. You put so much effort into your looks. You wanted to look more than gorgeous. You cleared your throat, did some preparations for your voice. 

Hey guys. It’s me, Y/N. It’s been a while, right? I’ve just read all your messages. You started, as you turned on the live on Instagram. I know you missed me and I appreciate all the warm words that you sent. I’m sorry to all my fans for disappearing without a say. The truth is that I needed time. I needed to be alone and to put my thoughts into one order… 

You looked at the comments of your fans, saying how much they missed you or asking when you were going back and where you disappeared to. You just smiled softly at those questions. 

I just wanted to say that I am alright. Actually I am a way better than I was before. My mind is clear now and I think that I know what I want to do with my life. You looked straight into the camera. And to sum everything up… I had to disappear to finally be noticed. Isn’t that annoying? You tilted your head to the side slightly. Do you understand now, how it is when nobody is listening to you? When you treat others the same as they treated you. Like dust? You paused, and smiled brightly. But I'm back now… 

And with those words you ended your live. After your statement the Stray Kids members started to blow your phone up with all the messages. But you ignored them. You knew what you wanted. The new you just grow up enough to face the world. But now, after all the mental breakdowns you experienced, you felt powerful enough. You were finally going home. You were back. 

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Happy Face part 1 Masterlist