#not bad for something I thought of in 5 minutes
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Azriel x reader - In Between, part IV
Summary: waking up, you realise Lucien was completely right: the man sleeping beside you is an abuser. But how will you escape him and why does this shadow seem to be belonging with you ?
Warning: angst, lots of angst, mention of SA attempt, fight, mention of blood, kinda fluff if you squint, so much sweet Azzy you could die, but also threatening scary Azzy, nightmares, not proofread sorry, my English of course.
Note: again I wholeheartedly apologise for the late posting. I’m so so so happy to get back !!! Here I met 4 there surely will be a part 5 and maybe a part 6 or an epilogue. But for this one, I’m not really sure I like about how it turned out. Let me know in the comments I love when you have something to say ! Just remember to be nice and polite please ! 🙏🏻 love you all ❤️❤️❤️❤️
Part I, part II, part III
The morning came quickly. Too quick for your liking. The second you opened your eyes, Aaron’s mouth was on you. You tried to push him back but seeing his face you understood that you were in a very bad position : his eyes were full of lust and hunger and they didn’t seem to have anything stopping them.
Panic flooded in your veins and grabbing the sheets to have something covering you, you ran away from your bedroom. He followed you closely, screaming, and yelling that you were such an ungrateful slut, whom he had been too nice to wait for and that if you wanted it or not, he would take you anyway.
Fear had paralysed you and he caught you quickly before pining you roughly to the wall. His hands were on every inch of your skin. It felt disgusting, his mouth leaving saliva behind on the column of your neck, on your collarbone, your chest.
His hands were now dangerously closed to your core, and in a last moment of desperation you kicked him in the balls, pushed him off and ran in your bathroom.
Closing the door, he was already banging against it, screaming like a mad man. He was so strong that the door almost gave in twice. Fear had gripped you and you curled yourself in the corner of your bathtub, crying desperately for a different ending of your life than this.
You didn’t want it to end now : you hadn’t met your mate, your friendship with lucien was on thin ice because of you and you haven’t even apologised. You regretted lots and lots of moments in your possibly missed life : you regretted not being able to see Nyx grow up, to continue your friendship with Feyre and last but not least you regretted not having kissed those beautiful lips that belonged to Azriel… Lucien was so right about you. How could he know you so much when you sign even yourself ? Of course you didn’t want this psycho of male threatening to abuse you, as he exactly said the other day, you still weren’t over Azriel. You still wanted Azriel, you needed him with every bit of your body and soul. They aches for the beautiful male. And now it was too late. The mere thought made you crying even more that you didn’t sense the comforting and cold presence caressing your skin.
Not even minutes later the shoutings suddenly stopped and they transformed into pain, even agony screams.
Big steps were heard behind your door and you didn’t even want to know who they belonged to : you had already accepted your fate. So you closed your eyes and waited for death to come like an old friend. But it never arrived, darkness and emptiness never found you. Strong arms wrapped around your shivering frame with care and attention, and your eyes bursted open when you sensed the familiar feeling of burn scars on your bare skin. Hazel sought for your eye colour with so much more worry than you could ever imagine. His mesmerising and deep eyes went down on your chest and shot up immediately with some light pink crawling under them : the sheet had managed to slide off your shoulder and it didn’t cover you enough anymore. Ashamed you quickly out your hands to cover yourself a bit and draped the fabric better on your skin.
As Azriel walked out of your bathroom, you saw Aaron, hurt and unconscious lying on the floor of your apartment. He was in a bad state : blood coated his bruising face and you caught sight of two teeth or three inches away.
No words came out from Azriel’s mouth as he took off for the House of Winds and when he arrived. Even when Cassian and Rhysand came to him completely confused and panicked at your appearance. But he seemed to throw some orders at Rhys in his mind and definitely sent a warning glare to the long-haired man newt to him.
He brought to a room, a big dark one but still full of light. You were delicately put on a silky enormous mattress and given a fresh glass of water. Still no one spoke a word and you didn’t even register when you started to fall in Morpheus arms.
•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
Sweat covered your body and a deep frown adorned your face when Azriel came back in his room to check on you. You were moving and kicking in your sleep letting fearful pleas and whines out of your presses mouth. Azriel ran to you trying to wake you up. He knew better than to let you in the horrible trap that can be your own fears all grouped in nightmares.
Tears stained your cheeks as your body went still and as your worst scenario faded away to leave room to the reality happening before you. Azriel was watching you closely, his hand caressing your still trembling frame and his voice shushing you. The sobs couldn’t stop and you wrapped tightly your arms around his broad shoulders. Azriel never stopped your embrace and whispered :
“I’m here now, everything’s fine. You’re not in danger anymore, you are here with me and everything will be alright”
Rocking back and forth you calmed down a bit before responding.
“I thought.. I thought I was going to- to…
-I know. But nothing will happen now, he will never be able to even lay a finger on you.”
With a shaky and raspy from all the crying, voice, you asked :
“You promise ? You’re sure ?
-I am and I promise.”
A strange tingling behind your ear and behind his as well marked your promise now forever engraved on your skins.
Since it was the middle of the night, you rapidly fell asleep again, in the comfort and security of Azriel’s arms. He tried not to sleep, but ended up doing so with the exhaustion from the panic and fear he had felt deep in his bones for hours today. You probably wouldn’t even realise, but he had been so scared for you when the shadow came to warn him about what was happening to you. He had run and flown the fastest he could to come find you, knocking off some furniture in his trail. He couldn’t possibly imagine another man laying forcefully his hands on you without your consent : no that was not going to happen, never, not when he was still breathing and his heart still beating.
Sound asleep, you were woken up by the sounds of dishes in the kitchen. What had happened last night slams back into you full force : Aaron and his attempt to … no you didn’t want nor need to think about it. You observed your environment, the dark room of Azriel, minimalist like him : a bed, a closet and some armoires but not much more. Except a mirror, a big mirror, standing in front of the enormous bed you were in. Your mind started to wander to the use of the said mirror just in front of a king-size bed costumed to big Illyrian wings, full of silky sheets so sweet at the touch…No no no ! You couldn’t go there stop that ! Your cheeks and neck heat up instantly. Shaking your head to make these obnoxious thoughts go away, you made your way outside the room and into the kitchen. There he was, beauty and charm both standing before you, making you both breakfast you assumed. He stiffened and turned to look at you when he sensed you. His hazel eyes trailed down your body to your thighs not covered by anything and quickly tuned back to continue what he was doing. You hadn’t noticed but you were wearing a big and loose tee shirt that arrived to the middle of your thighs and a pair of boxers that were far from belonging to you. ‘Oh shoot!’ Embarrassment ran through your whole body of the situation : how could you have not seen that you were wearing his clothes ? But wait… how did you even get into his clothes ? Last time you remembered you were… oh cauldron boil you ! Your cheeks and hid behind your hand at some search of reassurance.
“I tried not to look if that’s what you’re wondering about.
-Thanks, I guess. For that and the rescue and everything actually.
-It’s okay really. About that, how are you doing, do you want to maybe talk about it or not, it’s up to you. I- I don’t want you to think I’m forcing you into something.
-Don’t worry Azriel, I’m okay, at least I guess I am.”
Silence returned and he placed two plates full of eggs, bacon, pancakes and fruits in them, on the counter, which you were seated to on a stool.
You ate in silence, enjoying a good meal after a whole day being asleep without eating.
“Who was he ? Azriel asked at of nowhere.
-What ?
-Who was he ? And why was he in your apartment ?
-His name is Aaron, I’ve seen him a lot these past few weeks. He slept at mine the night before.
-Like a date ?
-Yes like a date. And no I’m not going to tell you details of our night. But the morning came and just as I woke he was on me and I couldn’t do anything. And by the way, how did you even know I was in danger ?
-One of my shadow stayed with you after babysitting Nyx, despite me trying to get it back, and it came to me to warn me when you were in your bathroom.
-Where is he now ?”
Azriel’s look darkened and he didn’t answer you.
“Az, where is he now ? You repeated your question, articulating each word.
-You don’t want to know. He’s being dealt dont worry if that’s what is your concern.
-Oh..-“
As you were about to continue Cassian, followed quickly by Feyre barged in the kitchen. Feyre was the first hugging you.
“I am so so so sorry you had to live that, and I am so sorry I wasn’t there to help you.”
She had tears in her eyes and still hoped that this was all a bad joke, that it never happened to you. Cassian was a close second to swim you in his arms for a big bear hug.
“Don’t worry, with Rhys and Az we’re examining all the possibilities to make the bastard regret what he’s done to you.
-Thanks to you both.
-Yn, are you alright ? Feyre asked.
-Yeah I am, just feeling a bit empty but I am.”
You smiled at he worried face to prove what you were saying.
“Don’t hesitate to ask any of us, if you need anything.
-Yes I promise, but I don’t need anything for now… Actually, do you know where Lucien is ? And if he-…
-Yes he’s aware, and feeling guilty about it but didn’t want to tell me why. He’s in his room here in the House of Wind because he didn’t to be too far from you in case you needed him.”
You silently thanked her and sent a last thankful look to Azriel as you walked away to find your dear friend.
You don’t even know how much time you spent in front of his door not knowing if you really had the guts to open it. As you put your hand on the doorknob, it opened and a sleep deprived red haired man appeared in front of you, shock adorning his features from seeing you. In a second you were in his arms and booths of you were crying so much that you were soaking each other’s shirt.
“I’m sorry”
You said at the same time.
“No Lu, I am really I am. I should’ve listened to you. I should’ve understood your point of view and should not have treated you the way that I did. You’ve always been so good to me and all I have done is be such a brat to the bestest friend I’ve ever had. I am so so sorry.
-As I am. You are completely forgiven for what you’ve said, even if I can’t say that it didn’t affect me.
-Yes I completely understand and I promis I will make up to you.
-I really am sorry too. I should have stayed and not yelled at you to tell you what I saw. I am sorry about that. I knew this guy was bad. I knew it !
-Yes, you were completely right. Again I apologise.
-Everything is forgotten now. And fortunately because I missed you braiding my hair.”
Cries transformed in laughs and hugs s and kisses from happiness of having finally found again your platonic soulmate.
You spent all day in Lucien’s room telling him about your babysitting week with Nyx and Azriel, about Aaron and what had happened. You avoided the parts where Azriel and you had slept tangled with each other or where you had made a bargain in the middle of the night, curling against him.
You left the House of Wind in the late afternoon with a pained Azriel, whose touch lingered on you a few seconds when he flew you down. The same shadow wrapped around your wrist and another one around your ankle.
You and Lucien has strolled around Velaris for the evening, you had tested out a little pastry shop near the Rainbow and had joked and laughed on the bridge of the Sidra.
You both walked to his flat, a mutual understanding that you didn’t have the strength to go back to yours tonight. Before opening the door, you looked at the night sky, two stars caught your attention, one brighter than the other, that seemed a bit off tonight. Your hand felt drawn to your new tattoo behind your ear and gasped when your fingers made out the pattern now engraved on your skin : two shining stars that seemed orbiting around each others until they reached the other and became one.
“Lu ?
-mmmh yes ?
-I think he’s my mate.”
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Taglist:
@mirandasidefics @63angel @leeknows-wife @thehighlordishere @annaaaaa88 @starsinyourseyes @oucereeng @wallacewillow0773638 @kalulakunundrum @lilah-asteria @samuelseoswife
#acotar#acotar x reader#azriel x reader#writers on tumblr#azriel x you#azriel x yn#azriel acotar#acotar x you#acotar x y/n#rhysand#feyre archeron#cassian#lucien vanserra#lucien x reader
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blowing some boys' back out please x3 your choice of 'em
that's 2 imprecise help neji gaara, sasuke, and minato? :3 bonus if the alpha is big in size. I'll be 🍷 anon if not already taken ! mwah
(Hey, welcome 🍷 anon! Let's see~)
N-sfw under cut
Let's set the scene!
It was a rough night last night, enthusiastic, hot, and very heavy.
And some soreness is totally normal after nights like this, especially when you consider your... greater than average size *cough*
But when your omega gets up the next morning, it's clear that the soreness is more than normal.
He's waddling around the house, holding himself gingerly, still kind of dazed from last night.
He probably has some emerging bruises in sensitive places, a few pulled muscles, too.
Maybe you were a little too enthusiastic 😅
But how does he react?
Neji
He is deeply unimpressed by you.
He's sending you dirty looks, blaming you for his current condition and conveniently forgetting how much he was begging for it to be harder last night.
"How am I supposed to go shopping like this? 😠"
You better be pampering him to say sorry.
He's going to settle down on the couch and you'll be doing all the chores and massaging the sore parts of his body.
Bring him snacks and butter him up with lots of lovey dovey apologies and he'll forgive you.
And then ask for that kind of sex again the next week smh.
Gaara
Concerned boy is concerned :(
Rough sex is extremely out of character for him, and so something must have triggered it. Perhaps extremely heightened emotions?
I'm not sure, but he's regretting it so much :(
He knew rough sex was a bad idea. He kind of feels bad about the whole thing.
For a shinobi, his pain tolerance is pretty low, but he still has to get to work because he has a village to run...
He keeps his composure remarkably well at work, but he goes home early and he expects lots of cuddles and kisses and gentle affection.
It's one of the only sex things that he won't overshare with his siblings because he's genuinely embarrassed by injuries that occurred from his perceived lack of control. He feels like he should know better.
Give him lots of love, okay?
Sasuke
He is SOOOOO embarrassed.
And he's pissed at you. But he won't say that because he's too busy pretending that nothing is wrong.
This lasts for all of 5 minutes before he realises that pretending he's fine means leaving the house like this, and he'd rather DIE.
So, the man who would try to train or take a mission while literally delirious with illness, actually takes a day off and hides in bed.
A bed that he kicks you out of by the way.
(but you can probably sneak back in with some well placed nuzzles)
What is he even so embarrassed about?
People knowing he has sex? Kinda, yes.
How fucking ridiculous he looks waddling around? Absolutely.
Not being strong enough to physically take his alpha without injury? Yes...
DO NOT tease him!
Just apologise once and then make him breakfast and don't bring it up ever again 😅
Minato
He's a bit sheepish about the situation, because he remembers begging for it to be harder, and he should have known better.
Oh well! Now he knows better, and well, it was pretty hot.
He gets a bit turned on thinking about it, which probably hurts, so that train of thought dies quickly.
He will probably tease you about being so big and rough lol
To be honest though, he's totally fine, and he'll say "you don't have to do that" everytime you try to apologise or make it up to him.
He would appreciate you running him a bath and making him some food though, just to show him that you love him.
Let's just hope that he's not teaching that day 🙏🏻 Because he is not as subtle as he thinks.
Or working as Hokage... Because his guard definitely know how he spent yesterday evening 😏
#n-sfw#minato#gaara#sasuke#neji#omegaverse#a/b/o#headcanons#alpha!reader#hcs#alpha reader#omega neji#omega minato#omega gaara#omega sasuke
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yunjin nsfw alphabet??
A = Aftercare (what they're like after sex)
Jen is a big kind softie we know this so she helps clean you up if needed and then cuddles you for hours.
B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner's)
Her legs and Her fingers, they have one thing in common: Long, need i explain
She’s a boob girl, change my mind. Oral fixation on your chest.
C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)
Loves tasting you more than anything and will eat for out for hours simply so she can taste you.
D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)
Wears your clothes when you’re apart and she has to touch herself to get off
E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they're doing?)
Yes 100%
F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)
Yunjin needs you to ride her every week for her mental health (her words)
G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)
This is the Huh Yunjin we’re talking about, the goofiest human alive, of course that translates into your sex life, nights in bed definitely involve a lot of giggling
H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)
Not fully shaved but well kept, girl dyes her hair every month of course it doesn’t match
I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)
The most romantic and loving human being ever, expect 100% romance
J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)
She will if you’re apart from each other for too long but prefers having you, if she does she’ll usually call or text you during because she simply needs you in some form to finish.
K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)
She strikes me as the type to like choking you, like I said she likes her fingers especially wrapped around your neck. Also a praise kink, loves being told she’s fucking you good.
L = Location (favorite places to do the do)
Your bed so she can easily have her way with you but the shower is also a favorite of hers especially pressing your soapy body against the wall as she fucks you.
M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)
Literally just being in your presence and looking at you, anytime you’re around she’s immediately turned on. A lover girl for real. But especially when you compliment her and her talents.
N = No (something they wouldn't do, turn offs)
Doesn’t want to hit you or hurt you too bad, maybe some spanking but anything on the face is off limits. Also anything you don’t want is something she doesn’t want.
O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)
Oh, god of pussy eating. Have you seen that face? Those lips? Incredible. Makes you finish is minutes. Gets pussy drunk often and eats you out for hours no matter how sensitive you are.
P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)
Usually fast and rough however she gets romantic and slow often making sure to switch things up.
Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)
Enjoys them when really horny at the wrong times or in between music shows but she likes to go 3 rounds minimum which isn’t very quick.
R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)
Will try anything you want to try but makes boundaries clear.
S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)
She can last a while usually though she has moments where she cums in minutes. Definitely has big stamina when it comes to rounds, as I said 3 minimum but sometimes she fucks you for 5+ hours.
T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)
Absolutely, a few probably. Specifically a strap (we all know my thoughts on strap Yunjin 🤤)
U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)
The biggest tease usually, unless she’s being intimate and romantic then she gives you whatever you want.
V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)
She strikes me as a not loud in a volume way
but just talks a lot (girls a yapper we knew). Little sighs and moans are the most she makes when receiving along with heavy breathing.
W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)
Loves cockwarming (well strap warming but also when she’s wearing it, that is her dick for sure.
X= X-ray (let's see what's going on under those clothes)
As we can tell from pictures, legs/thighs are insane (a great place to ride), boobs….if I speak.
Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)
Very high. Will fuck you anytime you ask.
Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)
Pretty quickly but makes sure you’re okay and taken care of first, cleaning you up and helping you out on some clothes before you both pass out.
#kpop imagines#kpop x reader#kpop smut#le sserafim x reader#huh yunjin x reader#le sserafim#le serrafim yunjin#le sserafim smut#le sserafim imagines#huh yunjin imagines#huh yunjin#huh yunjin smut#yunjin imagines#yunjin#yunjin x reader#yunjin smut
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Silly Game Time: Change one letter of a media title, and tell us what that different media would be about.
For example, "Taken" (a movie where Liam Neeson seeks bloody vengeance against the men who kidnapped his adult daughter) becomes "Waken" (a movie where Liam Neeson seeks bloody vengeance against the men who woke up his baby daughter).
From the studios that brought you The Two Towers comes…
The Two Mowers (two suburban dads are locked in an epic landscaping rivalry. Will one prevail and have One Lawn to Rule Them All, or can they join forces and defeat the Dark Lord HOA?)
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Give him some soda, see how he reacts to that.
not well, i assume
#coke isn't a good replacement for machine oil#forgive me for not giving him a bloated tummy i didn't think it would work with that pose#n.icole saw one of those 5-minute craft videos and thought it was good idea#now b.illy will suffer the consequences#hurray for me? managed to make even a robot with no mouth puke#horniness will take places man#emetophilia#emeto#tw vomit#tw emeto#emeto art#emeto kink#robot sickie#robot sickee sickie#robot whumpee#vomiting#z.enless z.one z.ero#b.illy zzz#dana//emeto art#dana//rambles#i used to assume he worked like a car or something#but it is said that he has to recharge so he probably doesn't run on gas#gosh i wanna make him feverish and sick so bad
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violently forcing myself to have better days
#everyone’s different and this isn’t true for everybody of course:#but a lot of the time we have more control over things than we can see in a difficult moment#like for example#a negative thought is inevitable and not something you can just stop. however you CAN decide from there how you let it effect you#it’s way easier said than done but you genuinely can be like hey I’m going to have a good day today#I like to set my intentions for the day and not allow my trauma nightmares to dictate how my whole day goes#but in order to do that I have to consciously decide that I deserve better and then create that for myself#does this make sense?#do things you know you enjoy/ things that make you feel better. take care of yourself. create little healthy routines to do each day#even if it’s just for 5 or 10 minutes#you have to act to make a genuine positive change in your life and circumstances#tried to say this as well as I could but I struggle w articulating exactly what I mean#like my thoughts are too complex to translate into words#anyways though I just wanted to add this- this post is not to make anybody feel bad whatsoever.#if you struggle with certain disorders and such it genuinely might be close to impossible for you to actually be able to have that control#and that’s okay. it doesn’t make you any less of a person and it is not your fault that you experience those difficulties#I just wanted to remind people that it is possible to control certain aspects of your life and it is possible to snap yourself out of it#I know I need to remember this as often as I can#that’s why I shared it#I hope this makes sense I do not know if it does lmao#(the tags)#my thoughts are so jumbled up. idk what other word to use lmao
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no yeah i really love how every core 4 member got a real happy ending....except for ej
nini is happily pursuing music in la with her moms' full support
ricky is dating gina, a girl he calls "home". he's finally becoming more at peace with love and how to show it. he's learned how to not run from his problems. his parents are getting back together (???) and his drama teacher wrote such a good letter of recommendation that he was accepted into a community college
gina becomes a literal movie star and was able to change the filming location of her second movie, without any consequences, to salt lake so she can physically be with ricky, the boy she finally got to date after crushing on him since the day they met. she has a permanent home to call her own now. her mom finally showed up to an opening night and she was finally able to portray gabriella
and then ej...is alone (in a wildcat sense) at college, financially cut off from his family, working multiple jobs to afford it. he spends most of his season 4 screentime guiding and helping others (ricky, gina, miss jenn, madlyn) instead of an actual storyline and a lot of his lines were about how he's made mistakes and has to live with them
#um...ignore how nini has a singular sentence#but anyway#ej says that he's happy but compared to every other important character nothing happy happens to him#obviously you can be at peace with/like a less than perfect situation#but that doesn't make the situation good or that you don't deserve more than that#he's literally cousins with ashlyn#he has a connection to a main character and yet we hear nothing about how he's doing until admissions#hell his first mention in the season is terri talking bad about him to gina#and before someone says 'well he graduated already and this is about the students of east high so-'#lily was at east high for all of five minutes and she got plotlines INCLUDING dating one of the main characters#dewey freakin wood got an appearance in s4 when we're no longer at the camp...#jenn mike lynne and ben all have extensive storylines and they're adults#(and mike and lynne don't even work at east high like jennzzara! they're just ricky's parents !)#channing (someone who really didn't need to be such a big character) had a whole storyline in s3#even jarred had a storyline in s4 !!! AND HE WAS A STALKER !!!#can you tell i'm pissed#probably missed some things i'm going off of memory and rage#and it just seems like a poor writing choice to do nothing with ej until ep 5 when he was still dealing with his dad when s3 ended#<- something that could've been made into a storyline !! instead of just throwing it at us that ej was cut off#hsmtmts#high school musical the musical the series#ej caswell#nini salazar roberts#ricky bowen#gina porter#okay i regularly call them the core 4 so i think i've tricked myself into thinking other ppl do too...#tags are not as neat as i want them to be the thoughts just kinda spilled out but hopefully this all makes sense
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miserable injury update:
#poor mr sportsthoughts has chipped a considerable chunk off of the top bone in his foot. looking like a long-ish recovery#and definitely means he can't finish his current contract and instead needs to go and sit in rehab for 6 months. which. i mean at least#in his line of work that's something he's sent to do and gets paid for etc.#but it's beyond shitty because we thought we only had 5 more months left of him being away all the time and now it looks closer to a year#at the least. ugh he is in so much pain and it's not even something surgery can fix and he's going to be absolutely insufferable#because he is not someone who cannot be running around exercising every minute of every day and he already has cabin fever#womp womp i just feel so sorry for myself and him#i genuinely felt like i was crawling to the end of the contract and barely surviving and the thought of this being extended is so bad
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I thought today was a good one..
#just some vent art idk#vent#vent art#...........................................................................................................................................#............................................................................................................................................#the initial start was unclear#i got ready for my class like usual and my dad's mood was entirely unreadable#usually in these situations i have an internal debate thats goes something like#“is he in a good mood? is he in a bad one? is his eye irritated again? maybe he's still waking up?”#its a 50/50 kinda deal#sometimes he's emotionless until right when im dropped off and he says “have a good day! love you!” in his nice way#today there was nothing#i just got out of the truck and just as i was closing the door i barely heard a “love you” in a monotone voice#i thought nothing of it bc i did some work before class and my mood lightened#afterwards i went to the lounge and they were doing another event thing that offered free food if you did it#the food was greek food so i figured it wouldnt hurt. i got the food#it was awesome ngl and it really made my day better#then dad picked me up....#he was still unreadable but i could tell his patience was low just by the way he was driving#its crazy and kinda sad that i can immediately tell what mood he's in even through the most mundane change#but about 5 minutes into the ride my mind was a racing mess. i kept asking questions#trying to gauge what mood he's in. he wasn't projecting or groaning like he usually does so o figured maybe he's just wanting to get home#to my surprise we didn't immediately gi home: we went to his old work (family owned business)#when we got there I can't describe the relief i felt to be with other people. especially my grandmother#i did some refund stuff while we were there. dad also seemed to lighten up and things seemed fine#but when we got back in the truck it was back to being tense. we still didn't go home- we went to the bank so he could cash a check#but otw there he mentioned his birthday is this Saturday. i said i knew and that I'd be happy to spend the day with him if he had something#planned. bc id loke to spend time with him on his bday instead of my Granny's Halloween party (which i still enjoy but yknow.. dad)#there's an awkward silence and then he just goes “i guess based off your silence you're not interested in what i have planned for my birth-#day?“ perplexed i said ”i am- im just waiting for you to tell me“
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okay facing consequences of my actions
#I thought I’d gotten away with it this time#okay it’s 3am and I may have discovered something that completely ruins me#everyone is asleep so I can’t tell if this is me being sleep deprived or not!#so I need to sleep now but I haven’t cleaned my code up or written my answers#I do Not have time#if I don’t sleep now I’m gonna be having a bad time tomorrow morning and I am significantly less productive rn than I could be#with other people around I kinda need that y#so I should go to bed. but also. this code needs cleaning. but also. even if I fall asleep now I’m only getting like 5 hours MAX#I need a good few hours tomorrow morning to have a shot at doing this properly#so it would be more useful to sleep now and wake up as early as possible than keep going tonight bc I’m not going to finish tonight#okay. fuck. I hate this#if I could think straight I’d be able to fix this easy which is probably a good reason to sleep#it’s just an annoying logical problem that I gotta follow through bc currently I’m stuck between three possibilities and there might be more#I have these two rasters and I gotta calculate the area overlap#the first method counts the number of presence points in each (probably) and then counts the number in overlap raster w manually set values#the second counts total predicted points and points where they’re predicted to be alone and does a calculation with that for each species#that one with all points from both species + pseudoabsence. vs method 3 which does that with just individual species coordinates#method 1&2 are now homologous now I JUST caught the logical error but method 3 is what he gave us#but actually he might have fucked up in not including pseudoabsence#i don’t know if method 3 works for two different species either honestly#it gives me results I like much more (my overlap is 100% for one of the species and that shoooouldnt rlly happen even if it’s possible) but#I think it might actually just be wrong because it can’t account for#wait so the line is taking the prediction for all coordinates for each species for each species’ initial coordinates. and not pseudoabsence#and that set of predictions for each species coordinate set is then taken and yeah it’s no longer comparable you can’t count each alone#not with two different species bc you need an overlapping dataset to do that OKAY I have solved that logical problem my initial method works#which is annoying bc the result sucks but whatever I checked the rasters and it’s actually identical so#okay now I’ve figured that out. twenty minutes later. sleep I think it’ll help most#luke.txt
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Honestly every time I see someone complain about the problems with Genshin's story, it's ALWAYS never about the actual issues with the story, and more about how the player complaining isn't fucking paying attention or is too impatient about a plot point to wait and find out if it's relevant to later parts of the story or not, and thus prematurely dubs it a plot hole or an unanswered question.
So any time I see people complain about Genshin's story my answer is typically one of two things: Pay Attention You Absolute Fool, or Give it a Fucking Minute.
#genshin impact#For context: I saw someone pre 3.0 whining and complaining about how Signora got a big backstory but ended up dying when Scaramouche#....... according to them............ /didn't/ have a backstory#and they were complaining that HE was playable and not her#Like weren't BOTH of their back stories in artifact sets????? Hello?????#Anyway this particular point is definitely among the ''Give it a Fucking Minute'' answers#because LO AND BEHOLD THE SUMERU ARCHON QUEST WAS VERY HEAVY WITH SCARAMOUCHE LORE LMAO#There's also a secret third option: Now You're Just Lying#Where the player is complaining about a ''problem'' of the game while cherry picking examples of that problem while pretending that like#ALL aspects similar to it are the same#In this instance: Staying the 5 star Character Story Quests are bad because they are surface level Only#And the player listing off Jean; Mona; Klee; And Diluc as their examples of ''''surface level character depth''''#While also dismissing the HUGE character and lore drops in something like#Venti's story quest#which RE-CONTEXTUALIZES EVERYTHING WE THOUGHT WE KNEW ABOUT VENTI but I guess you (general you) weren't paying attention#OR Itto's story quest!!! Which gave us HUGE commentary about bigotry towards a minority in the metaphor of how humans treated Onis#and the complications that arose from that#and Itto as a character just *chef's kiss*#Just. Tired of people not paying attention to the story they're complaining about#being impatient#or just flat out lying
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I think the hardest thing in writing for me sometimes is the like “show don’t tell/let people communicate through subtext/Normal People don’t just walk around openly explaining their motivations for everything That’s Unnatural” thing because like.. I literally DO walk around openly explaining my motivations for everything, that is how I talk, I am an analytical detail oriented over-communicator who explains everything as thoroughly as possible and and will give a fully detailed 2 minute long answer to something simple like “how are you doing today?” .. like it’s hard to make things sound Natural and Normal when you yourself are inherently unnatural and abnormal in your methods of communication to an extent lol
#''hey. whats up? you look kind of sad.. is something wrong?'' normal answer (apparently how people are supposed to talk): *looks away#remosefully and stares into the distance* ''n-no.. I'm fine. don't worry about it.'' abnormal answer (how I would respond): ''Yeah I#'m mostly fine. I was just thinking about what the future is going to be like 30 years from now and if I'll ever actually accomplish anythin#g that I want to. which makes me feel X way for XYZ reason. you see because I had a dream last night that made me think of *continues to exp#lain my exact emotional state and inner thought process completely matter of factly in exact detail for 5 more minutes*#tfw you would be a badly written character if you existed in a story lol#This is also why I struggle making conflict because most conflicts can be resolved through conversation and I personally love to have long#detailed conversations about everything. Like literally I don't have hardly any conflicts interpersonally because if something happens it's#immediately followed up with like ''hey sorry if my tone of voice sounded a bit pointed or harsh. when you were talking to me I was trying#to balance all the stuff I was taking up the stairs and also my leg hurts so I think all my mental energy was being used there and I just#didn't feel like talking. I should have just said 'wait a minute and we can discuss it inside' instead of trying to end the conversation qui#ckly in a short rude way.' ''oh yeah thats fine. I thought it was something like that. sorry for hounding you about the topic as well. i#havent eaten in a while so I think I'm just a bit prickly at the moment. we should both rest for a while and destress from the store#trip and then talk about it later. maybe after lunch?' 'sure. sounds good.' like LITERALLY. lol#it is so hard for me to write characters who are bad communicators or don't understand their own internal states or arent constantly#analyzing their own actions to understand what they do/don't feel and why and what the cause of it is and etc. etc. etc.#I just naturally want everyone to perfectly undertsand everything and communicate amazingly and have complete self awareness and#logical presence of mind gjhbj.. which like.. of course comes across as unnatyural and also those type of people rarely ever get involved in#conflict and conflict is APPARENTLY what drives stories (even though I don't like most conflicts and just want to resolve them lol) so ...aa#I mean you can get around this to some degree by the fact that (at least in my opinion) no rule for dialogue is 100%. dialogue is good if it#sounds naturally like it comes from the character who said it. It can be meandering and pointless and rambly IF that matches the character.#it can be dry and overly self aware IF your character is that way and it suits them. So like throwing in a few detached scholar types or lik#e '5000 year old cave dwelling hermit' type people is good for me and works BUT the thing is an ENTIRE cast of characters can't be that way.#at some point - even in a setting where everyone is reserved and academic (like a research camp in the wilderness full of scholars and stuff#) still SOMEBODY has to be the one who's conflict prone and doesn't pristinely understand all of their emotions and etc. etc. Because statis#tically that is still literally the majority. Kind of like my tendency to make everyone 100% aromantic and asexul when it's like.. YES.. may#be 2 or 3 or even 4 out of 10 of them could be that way. but like.. an entire group? a diverse group of 10 people from all walks of life and#EVERY single one is like that??? hgjh . you have to add realistic variety#As much as I'm pro 'have more stories where sex or romance are literally NOT involved at all in any capacity since it's already oversaturate#d in media' I'm also dedicated to realism. alas. (at least as realistic as you can get in a fantasy setting lol)
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i think ive grown a little strange in my solitude
#journal scribbles#haven’t landed on whether it’s good or bad. I hope it’s good#living alone did a lot of good for me but also#I think it’s easier to sit with myself and watch us unravel and exist inbetween spaces#but the minute I have to be observed (human interaction) it becomes difficult#like I feel rusty as a person talking to and interacting with people irl#like man im just 5 guys in a trench coat. and my body feels like it lands in an uncanny valley where my eyes are too much and I grin too#wide and I loom and I speak too loud#not quite human/ no longer human or something#hrm. midnight thoughts
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besties my tic disorder is super baaaaad this morning ✌️
#it gets super bad when i don’t sleep and not only did i not sleep at all last night but have had a total of 8 hours total for the WEEK#i have no idea why my body won’t let me sleep#i’ve been trying to type this out for like 5 minutes#i’m shaking uncontrollably#it started a few hours ago but i thought it was something else#like i’ve had my normal physical and verbal tics just MORE#but now it’s like my whole body is shivering and i can barely use my hands#and my least favorite tic has made a return- where i either can’t grab the thing i’m eating- or i CAN and i can’t bring it to my face#i just want to eat my sandwich i’m begging
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mechanical reaffirmation therapy
Suddenly struck with a need to explain to you how boat pronouns work (I work in the marine industry).
When you're talking about the design of the boat, you say "it".
When the boat is still being built, your say "it".
When the boat is nearing completion, you can say "it" or "she".
When the boat is floating in the water you probably say "she", unless there is still a lot of work to be done (e.g. no engine yet) then you say "it".
When the boat is officially launched and operating, you say "she". If you continue to say "it" at this point you are not incorrect but suspiciously untraditional. You are not playing the game.
If you are referring to a boat you don't really know anything about you may say "it" ("there's a big boat, it's coming this way"). But if you know its name, it's probably "she" ("there's the Waverley, she's on her way to Greenock").
If you are talking about boats in general, you say "it" ("when a boat is hit by a wave it heels over")
If you speak about a boat in complimentary terms, it's "she" ("she's a grand boat"). If you are being disparaging it may be it, but not necessarily ("it's as ugly as sin", "she's a grotty old tub").
If she has a boy's name, she's still she. "Boy James", "King Edward", "Sir David Attenborough"? The pronoun is she.
If it's a dumb barge (no engine), you say it. But if it's a rowing boat (no engine), you say she.
I hope this has cleared things up so that you may not be in danger of misgendering floating objects.
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bonking my head against desk.mp4
I wasted time on something unimportant and that I didn't even care about again!!!!! I'm gonna Lose It!!!!
#neocells#AAAAA#It's so embarrassing like how did I even fixate on something like that!!!!#I mean it was an ''organize something'' ''put something together'' and ''match things''#so of course I did#but the thing itself was not even worth it#esp not at night#esp not when it's a bad dress up feature#esp not when it somehow took up to two hours#it was so unexpected too like it was rlly supposed to be just throw something together. it was BITMOJI. on SNAPCHAT#THIS ROUTE HAPPENED BECAUSE I REMOVED BITMOJI AND PUT IT BACK. BECAUSE IT DOESN'T LET U HAVE A NORMAL PFP#I feel insane dude#I am in disbelief#like surely I read the timestamps wrong from when I last messaged the person I was talking to. surely#I thought it was 30 min to an hour at best#really ignored said person and my cat (in my attempt to Escape and finish because I could tell I was losing time awareness)#because I get paranoid if I pause and go back I'll get caught up in it again and waste even more time!! yet in turn#that makes me waste more time anyways!!!!#now my cat is taking a nap nearby.#I was going to give her attention and she gave up!! because I pushed her away in my desperate attempt to get the dress up thing over with!!#not to mention I was tense the whole time- I thought I was ''about to get up'' and not uhhh sitting here for an hour plus#I know at least... 5-10 minutes was just messing with the filters since I hadn't been on snapchat in ages so I was curious#maybe another 10 trying to figure out if the pfp can be a normal one. though there is a separate profile where u can? for some reason?#so I was being indecisive abt the pfp and background for that#even though idk if that matters either like who even sees that. how does that work#and that still leaves all the rest of that time wasted#unless the profile setting stuff was more than I thought too..... who knows at this point#could've wrote all that in the post but was already doing it here. I'm not abt to attempt to put it in the post instead
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