#but are just mildly amusing to me.

[icewindandboringhorror]

golf

[queenoffoliage]

Your honor, he was indeed spinning

[godhandler]

cult leader!geto suguru x secretary!reader

Geto snores into his pillow, his long hair spread princess-like over his broad back, having escaped from the little bun he made before bed last night. The heavy curtains are keeping his bedroom still cool and dark at 11 am. I guess that’s why I didn’t wake up on time, I’m pretty sure we missed the Ichinori meeting. You look over at your naked boss next to you, deep asleep. Well, I doubt he’ll get mad at me. 

He looks so… breathtaking. His back still carries the marks of your sharp nails, you smile as you run a soft finger down his spine. So perfect. Glowing skin. Hard muscles underneath. He’s not going to wake up anytime soon, you know that. He’s usually a heavy sleeper, but especially after having been wrung out like that last night – you’d done a good job, you grin at the memory. Maybe he’ll give me a raise. 

You try to piece together all your clothes, you do have to go reschedule his meetings after all. Pleated pants- got it, under the blanket that Geto’s hogging all to himself. Formal blouse- got it, near the door, ugh, is that a tear on the neckline? A shame, this one was expensive. Bra, bra, braaa- got it, what the fuck?? Ah. You remember Geto tore it off you, too impatient to wait a second more. He liked to do that, ripping your clothes off you. Yanking a handful of your hair too close to your scalp. Hickies on the soft of the thighs and belly that seemed a touch from bleeding. A harsh spank with his large hand that made your lamb eyes tear up. Pushing a thumb into your ass while fucking into you from behind. A little painful, a little rough. That is how Geto enjoyed you. 

You decide to give up looking for your panties (they're definitely not in a wearable condition anymore, after having been pulled down your wet heat by Geto's teeth and promptly stuffed into your mouth). For a second, you dare to wonder if you’ll get away with stealing one of Geto’s briefs from the clothing drawer, before deciding that’d be crossing a boundary. Regardless of how many times he’s cum down your throat, he’s still your boss, after all. He’s still the wonderful Geto-sama that you adore and respect, one who found your potential as a sorcerer, one who will rid the world of all curses. 

One who’s trying to pull a hair out of his mouth in his sleep. Adorable. One pant leg in and other pant leg out, you awkwardly hop over to him and take the hair out for him. Those eyelashes melt your heart. You cherish him as you wear your pants as silently as you can: he looks painted, he looks angelic, he looks overwhelmingly loved. 

You put on the ruined blouse anyway; you’ll just go home and change. The bra he can have, you leave it tucked under his pillow, a little gift for him to find later. Your nipples chafe slightly against the fabric of the blouse. They still feel raw sensitive. Geto always insists that lapping them with his tongue would heal any wounds that his lips or teeth have caused to your pretty, perky nipples, but that’s not true. You can feel right now that it’s not goddamn true. Your tits still have full marks of his bites stinging red on them. 

In fact, now that you’re paying more attention to yourself, your entire body feels sore. Your neck has a faintly purple outline of his large hand, and your voice seems to still be rough. Was it him choking you within an inch of your life till your head swam within clouds of ecstasy as he finally let you cum on his cock? Or was it the way he roughly pushed your head into his lap, his thick cock stretching out the insides of your throat? Oh, the image of him hissing as he threw his head back, his Adam's apple bobbing with every deep groan and gasp. “A magician with that mouth,” he’d call you, as he petted your cheek before falling asleep. I’d do it every night just to hear him say it again. 

The places he’s grasped you to hold you against him, your sides, shoulders, thighs, ass, they all hurt. He went overboard last night. Did something happen yesterday? Hmm, December 7... nope, doesn't ring a bell. You pout as you find your phone, tablet, and a Plan B pill you take from his bedside drawer. Geto would rather not use condoms, but also doesn’t fully trust you to take your regular pills on time. So there you go. God’s punishment for creampies.

You suppose Geto has a thing for them. Not that he wants kids, just that he likes feeling you raw. Hearing you cry as you struggle to take him. Smiling as you plead that it’s too much. Pressing your ankles down to your ears as he sinks deeper into you. Moaning into your mouth as he ruts his pleasure into your warm walls, his cum drooling over your sticky thighs. Doing just as he likes, without restraint. 

You have to leave him now, it’s so sad. Rapunzel is still snoring deeply, turning over and letting the blanket fall from his X-scarred chest. You dig his phone out of the mess and leave it next to his ear, you’ll call him awake at 1 pm so that he’s ready for his daily evening address and other meetings. You quickly put your heels on and leave, but not before dropping a kiss on his nose. To keep him company throughout the day. It’s pointless and a bit too sentimental for Geto to appreciate, you believe. Besides, you’ll be right next to him all day anyway, won’t you?

a/n : every now and then the geto suguru agenda seizes me until i cant function.

img credits: 1 2 3

[decamarks]

SPIDDR

[princeofuchiha]

I think the scene with Itachi and Kisame escaping Jiraiya has so much untapped humor to it.

Like. I know I know it super wasn't a thing but I find it so funny to imagine Itachi and Jiraiya knowing each other via work. Considering one of them low key specializes in stealth/spy work and one of them runs a spy network.

The image of Itachi trying to do his job and his boss just waltzing in to go What Do You Think You're Doing, That's Not Very Protocol Of You is so funny to me. Itachi just immediately dropping Naruto and going on his way like My Bad, Actually, Disregard That

Itachi getting jumpscared by his boss while out on contract 4K /hj

[toasts-httyd-hyperfixation]

why did we decide that alvin is autistic?

Well its mostly

And also the fact that saying 'Alvin's special interests are murder, murdering Hiccup, and snakes' is really funny

[nebuvoid]

wanted to check if there was a common term for coke+sprite in germany, as there is one for coke+fanta (Spezi). instead I found a whole r/ for people comparing different Spezis, ranging from roasts to this guy doing some sorta science experiment

[the-worms-in-your-bones]

Would also love to know how long you’ve been baking along with your answer

[xxplastic-cubexx]

this cliff took more lives than i could on my own im losing it

[lazy-toad]

Arthur continually refering to Daniel as his father-in-law when people call Daniel his father, despite knowing damn well that having a father-in-law implies having a wife and his general unwillingness to bring up any of those aspects of his life with people, just shows how much he does not want to imply that he is *actually* related to that man

[wonderhello]

moonlight is such a fucking funny song to me. not because of the song itself, moonlight is great, but because the second akito sings "a ruthless moonlight" moon pretty much goes "there i am gary there i am" and there's something inherently comedic in that

[pdaliceliveblogs]

“I’m sorry, but for the sake of everyone you hurt... I challenge you to a witches’ battle!” “Wait... say that again?”

Yes yes yes pull the thread, you know this isn’t real. That’s not what it’s called.

[misscrazyfangirl321]

Girlboss at heart, damsel in distress in the flesh

[hypixelskyblockquotes]

[jumpstartfactoftheday]

JumpStart's social media once made a post celebrating Groundhog Day with a picture of Giggles, who is in fact a gopher, not a groundhog.

[mildlyamusingdwdfacts]

In “A Star is Scorned”, there are plant creatures of [actor] Bushroot’s that resemble Bushroot’s model, but lack a head; as well as have a smaller set of hips, feet, and chest. This could suggest that Bushroot semi-successfully cloned himself from “Twin Beaks”, or it could be a different clipping of himself.