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googleeyed · 1 year

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The Blackhole [A story HEAVILY Inspired by Minecrafts Blackhole mod, ft. Wilbur soot, tommyinnit, Slime cicle and Philza minecraft.

[Hello, my name is Professor Soot. or for my freinds Wilbur, Soot. im writing this very quickly to introduce myself, and to document my discoverys. its difficult due to the soon empending doom tho. anywho, i hope this will help me keep track of my findings.]

I woke up in the morning agrevated by wooshing. I adjusted my eyesight for a closer look, it seemed quite small, atleast for the time being, i got up out of bed and threw on my white lab coat calmly, right over my golden-yellow sweater. It was uncomfortable, but i didnt have time to change.

As i scampered out of bed, my coat started being pulled torwards the direction of the blackhole could feel it pulling on me, i ran as fast as i could to Doctor Sickles home, i bursted through the door of his adobe and shouted "DOCTOR WE HAVE A ISSUE!" As he snapped up from his bedside, wide awake due to my yelling, i saw the terror in his bloodshot eyes.

"Throw on ur labcoat, quickly!" He replied with a bit of a slur in his voice "wha.. man im trying to sleep.." As he rolled back over on his side, i looked out of his window only to see the blackhole again, but this time it had gotten larger. I tried to tell him urgently again, this time i shook the side of his back violently. The pure expression of anger on his face was upsetting, but i didnt have time to make him "breakfast in bed."

Doctor Sickle then finally got up, as he threw on his Labcoat over his usual T-shirt, i gripped his hand firmly, felt kinda.. wet actully, but anyways, we darted out the door of his home, off to hopefully go get our freinds Tommy and Phil. we ran across the grass, as we did we could hear the ruffle of the wind of the blackhole pulling us, aswell as anything behind us, when all of a sudden Doctor Sickle turned around and stared at the blackhole.

I was wondering what was wrong with him, at a time like THIS? When we were about to DIE. And at that thought, i looked at his face, of pure terror. i gripped his arm of his labcoat tightly and dragged him along as i ran. We Finally arrived at Tommy and Phils house, We didnt have time to knock, so naturally, we busted down their door. luckily, they were already awake. As the door hit the ground me and Doctor Sickle just stood there, now stuck in eyecontact with Phil, who at the time was prepparing a cup of coffee.

As we stood at the door tho, he appeared quite shocked, i mean i dont blame him, we were doused in sweat, and Doctor Sickles Terrified face didnt make it any better. I told Phil calmly that "We have to leave the area, due to the empending blackhole." Suprisingly, his eyes lit up, as if he was waiting for this moment, as he reached into his cloak and pulled out a few things, a iron sword and a few buckets. he yelled at Tommy across the room, who looked to be organizing some loot.

Tommy then was extremely Panicked, and even jumped a little bit, i saw the ground shake, or maybe that was the force of the blackhole.. Doesnt matter now, we all ran out the door in search of somewhere atleast decently away from the blackhole, however me and Doctor Sickle had other plans, we had expiriments to do. And so, while me and Doctor Sickle went off to experiment with the blackhole and its force of gravity, Tommy and Phil worked on getting prepared, planning even. but i dont care, thats not what was important to me.

Me and Doctor Sickle hung out in front of the blackhole for a bit, we were trying to get a pair of chickens to lay some eggs. So they didnt run away, we put them into a hole in the dirt. to see if it'd be effected by the gravity. As we struggled with harnassing the eggs, Doctor Sickle looked down at the chickens, supposively trying to "urge" them.

I joined in, in a last ditch effort we finally got some eggs. Two to be exact, the blackhole got closer, edging torwards the hole where the chickens were. Doctor Sickle quickly told me to grab a egg, make a hole in the ground and throw the egg in the air. And so, i did. I dug a semi-deep hole a decent space away from the blackhole. I could feel my hair being perpelled by the force, and so, i threw the egg into the air, Doctor Sickle then yelled "IT WORKED!!" i felt joy in my findings.

unforunitely, this wouldnt last long, im writing this before the blackhole is going to consume me, i dont know what will happen after but i hope that my findings are useful. [END LOG 1]

Where am i? Last thing i remember i was sucked into the blackhole. I cant really see at all, but theres nothing here but Pitch Black Darkness, so its bery hard for me tosee if im writing the rigjt letaters. i canf eelmy self staring to lacnk conciposunness, i candt breatheanysmor

im back in control, but im not sure for how long. i was sent back onto the surface, for some odd reason.. the black hole is increasing in size. i dont have much time to help the others anymore.

I ran up to Ch- i mean, Doctor Sickle, he was yapping some nonsense about "Throwing Hoops" to Tommy, er.. playing basketball? i didnt care. i grabbed Doctor Sickle by his arm, angerly. We had somthing to take care of. Id built a small train track, along with a obsidian blockade so that Doctor Sickle wont get sucked into the Blackhole, i showed him it and his reaction was not what i was hoping for.

He yelled "WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?" i replied, "i want you to observe the effect the Blackhole has on water, Doc." he looked back at me, almost furious, but i still managed to convince him, i told him that "Theres a button to ur right side that you can push to push the cart in this direction so that after viewing we can both live." He stared at me oddly, squinting. He seemed convinced enough.

All of a sudden i could feel it, gaining back control of me. I screamed to Doctor Sickle, "THE BLACKHOLE IS INSIDE OF MY BODY CHARLIE- I-I CANT CONTROL MYSELF DONT LISTEN TO ME DONT LI-" Doctor Sickle replied in confusion, "WHAT DO YOU MEAN THE BLACKHOLE IS INSIDE YOU? LIKE? POSSESSING YOU?" All of my body movement stopped. He gave me a weird, scared look but then sat down in the minecart, observing the water. At that moment, i didnt feel like myself anymore. i couldnt hold back the urge anymore. The blackhole inched closer to Doctor Sickles Position, but i couldnt find myself able to control myself, this was up to him. He attempted to escape the pull by forcing the cart in my direction, I felt somthing take over me in that moment, i could move. I walked forward and pushed the cart backwards. Leaving Doctor Sickle Helpless. I tried to scream out to him, im not quite sure if he heard me, i hope he did. I am once again slipping from my control. Maybe now he will understand my pain. He screamed so loud. i saw his glasses get ripped off of his eyes. in a way.. It was satisfying, the loud screams were soon silenced by the void. I have the urge to feed more people to it, i cant stop resisting the urge anymore. I shall start looking for more victims, besides, they wont have many places to hide afterall. [END LOG 2]

Ive found them, now i just have to put on the stupid act and fool them. i approach Phil With ease, he was under ground along with tommy, i hear his yelling echoing loudly in the caves, as i stared from them at the top of the opening of the hole, i had a sudden voice echo through my head, or maybe it was everywhere? It sounded like charlie, yapping on about somthing along the lines of "The Omlette of the beyond." ..whatever that means, but what really struct my fancy was when i heard "come take a bite, philllzaaaa~"

The voice faded, Finally. now that he was out of the way he had been handeld, now with a diffrent mindset of before, and foruntely, working perfectly with my plan. at this rate i cant tell who i am anymore. i just know who im supposed to be, and thats "ProfessorSoot." I was going to join them in the nether, after the portal was lit. But somthing changed my mind, i decided to sit down on the grass and await the void.

The INEVITABLE, void that we shall ALL FALL to. As i sat on the grass, i looked at my labcoat, which was now tainted with Doctor Sickles struggle, tho it was just a few patches of slime, along with a bit of blood. Nothing ive never seen before. I found myself staring into the blackhole as its everexpanding surface got larger and larger, i dont know how long ive been sitting here now, but i finally hear them coming back, i pick myself off the ground and rush to their underground base, falling through the hole, luckily i caught myself before being injured, thanks to some hanging cave vines.

Phil and Tommy Seemed to finally find some useful items, such as 8 enderpearls, some blazerods and alot of other self-defense loot, such as armor. i dropped down casully, and greeted them with "Joy" i was wondering what i could do to stop them, they seemed to be trying to escape, but i just found myself going along with them, for my own sake. I could hear it above us, when we finally found the ender-portal i felt.. A weird feeling, not like before. the need to be free, the need to get away from the impending doom, unlike before where i was allured to it, everything seemed to be okay with myself now.

Tho as i stood there on the side while Phil placed the ender eyes into the slots, i could feel two parts of me fighting, the one who wanted doom, and the one who truly just wanted to escape. Phil Finally Placed the last eyes into the slot, i could hear the blackhole wooshing through the wind, I closed my eyes and jumped through the portal. Finally, i actully felt free. Free of the urge, free of the impending doom. But i still found myself feeling empty.

Dispite my tryumphs i feel like shit. I wish i could've helped charlie while i could. i stare off into the pitch black bottom of the end, until tommy approaches me and right when i try to speak, SLAPS ME, and says, "SHUT THE FUCK UP, WHERE THE FUCK IS CHARLIE?!" I clear my voice, still having the sound of dissapointment in myself in my voice.

I see Tommys eyes try to resist tears, He just runs away, off to where Phil is, as Phil is already getting ready to fight the enderdragon. I walk over depressivly, armed with nothing. Only my own words, if i die by this dragon, god knows i deserve it, maybe ill see charlie again then. I screamed words i didnt even understand at the dragon, tho i imagine they must've been pretty offensive. Tommy had taken care of the End-crystals, all we had to do was kill it now. Phil ran in with a glimmering diamond sword, and stabbed it in the chest. Exp went everywhere, little green-yellow balls of power. and with that, we finally did it. we were finally done. Me, Tommy and Phil looked at eachother, took a deep breath then dived into the unknown void-portal that was there after defeating the dragon. we were ok. ..at least we thought we were, we are being teleported into the void, where it all started, hopefully ill have written some more logs, if not, im sorry Charlie. im sorry Phil and Tommy aswell. I should've just helped you all from the start, i can hear the wooshing getting louder and the force PULLING on me now, u7il next ti~=e. [EnD LOg]

#slimecicle #wilbur soot #i love writing #uhhhhh #yeah sure #blackholemodminecraft

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cloveroctobers · 4 years

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LEVEL 1 — Perception

A/n: to make things easier due to my hectic work schedule...I’m deciding on writing blurbs or short fics for right now, to get content out in a timely manner. I’m open to writing pairings but I notice those don’t get that much attention but I’m attempting to do so anyways...at least at the start of this series which is absolutely inspired by we’re not really strangers. I love the game, it’s very personal and intense so if you have the chance, get it if you’re open to connecting with the people you care about in a passionate way. I’ve also decided to make the characters a little bit older...college wise/around the actors ages based on these questions lol even tho these teens are already dramatic + have a lot going on.

Synopsis: a interviewer that Spencer is very familiar with, Rochelle Mosley has resurfaced to complete her senior year project at Claremont as a journalist. Rochelle is all about going big and never going home, so the first person on her list is one of the guy’s that intrigued her the most not so long ago. So she reached out to Thee Spencer James and to put the word out to anyone else that might be interested. And here we are!

::: S. James + O. Baker ::: All to me

Rochelle is seen running her finger over her pearly whites, making sure they’re squeaky clean after eating her brunch which consisted of a poached egg, an açaí bowl, served with lemon water. She already spent twenty minutes brushing her teeth and whitening them last night to prepare for this moment. She knew this idea would guarantee her nothing but a A+. She had friends from the film department around helping her with the equipment and due to this Panasonic it made things chaotic opposed to having this interview face to face.

Rochelle knew that she could have at least met with Spencer for his half but decided to do what he was comfortable with. She wouldn’t push any boundaries...yet. Regardless it would have to be a video call since Olivia attended MassArt and appeared that she would not be coming back to California any time soon, according to her insta stories that is.

Nonetheless Rochelle knew how to negotiate so here she was working on their terms. With a sigh, she straightened out her posture, fixed the waves in her hair, reapplied some matte lipstick—again, glanced around her to make sure she liked her set up and eyed her friends to make sure they were doing what they were getting paid for, and plastered on a commercial smile as she connected the video call waiting on her two guests.

It only took a minute for Spencer’s face to pop in.

“Spencer!” Rochelle greeted which he replied with slight raised brows and a smile at her volume, “so glad you can be here and punctual at that.”

Spencer answered, “well you know, if I agreed to be something I don’t want to waste anybody’s time ya know?”

“Always the wise one aren’t you?” Rochelle commented before continuing on, “how are things? How is UCLA?”

“I really like it here, uh. I’m almost done with my sophomore year, but with the way things are looking right now? Might have to switch to remote this spring semester...we’re all basically on standby at the moment. It’s crazy times but we gon’ get through it, I know it.” Spencer chatted with ease.

Rochelle was multitasking looking to the side at her phone to keep track of time. Olivia Baker was five minutes late now, which was slowly working Rochelle’s nerves. The girl had her number and although they didn’t talk much through texts or through anything really, it was common courtesy to let someone know if you were going to be late or couldn’t make it.

“Yes! We have to keep a optimistic attitude as best as we can. I hope you’re being safe out there?” Rochelle met Spencer’s eyes, after silently debating if she should send Miss. Olivia a text.

Spencer dipped his head, “absolutely. And yourself?”

“Oh yes, honey. This thing is ruining lives unexpectedly but it’s insane to me that people believe this isn’t real. It’s the denial for me. Especially here in California! Then when they catch it, it’s suddenly a different tune. Sure the numbers might be a little questionable but not too much is a lie. Read the facts, do the research. But—

Olivia showed up. Eight minutes later...

Rochelle forced a smile, “Olivia Baker! How nice of you to join us.”

“I know, I know. I’m super late and I’m sure you don’t want to hear the excuses so let’s just dive right into this social experiment project thing you have going on. Sorry by the way.” Olivia rambled which Spencer chuckled at.

Olivia paused, “hey, Spencer.”

“Hey, Liv.”

Rochelle picked up on the chemistry or tension or whatever you want to name it. It was all still there and oh so fresh. She knew this would be good and knew they had to be the first on her list. Sure Rochelle maybe a year or two older than these two but she also had friends that were younger and gossipers like her so she always had the inside scoop when she needed it. So yes, she knew all about spelivia.

“How’s Boston?” Rochelle asked politely, breaking the two’s stare contest.

Olivia inhaled, “it’s better than California, that’s for sure. It feels like I’m getting a fresh new start and it’s just what I needed.”

“Yeah i see you’re at your best there. You seem to be thriving.”

“well yeah, because it’s new. Sometimes you need to get away, I mean I’ve been in California for eighteen years of my life. I always knew I wanted to be somewhere else...don’t get me wrong, California is still very much my home.”

Nice save there, Olivia.

Rochelle clasped her hands together with a wide smile after a small silence filled the air after Olivia’s statement.

“Moving right along, I’ve sent the both of you a series of questions that you both should have received correct?”

Spencer pulled the padded envelope from the side and waved it in front of camera. Rochelle smiled at how organized this guy was and shifted her glance to Olivia who widened her doe brown eyes.

“Ah, yeah I’ve got that. It should be around here somewhere? Hopefully. If it’s not then it’s definitely in the car.” Olivia pointed.

Rochelle sighed, “very well. Please proceed on retrieving the envelope, it’s crucial to this interview.”

Olivia scooted back from the desk and held up a finger as she disappeared from the screen. Rochelle turned back to the brown boy who was toying with the tan object.

“Have you read any of the questions, Spencer James?”

“I really haven’t had the time to, no.”

“Great!” Rochelle quipped, “this will make this experience truly authentic.”

Spencer thought about what was said, wondering where this would get him. He understood what Rochelle informed him in the email and she answered all of his questions. He knew this wouldn’t strictly be about him and Olivia since he invited his friends along for the ride as well.

“Please open the envelope as we wait on Olivia. BUT only read the first question on the first card, we don’t want you to get too far ahead of yourself since that wouldn’t be fair to Olivia.” Rochelle instructed while Spencer took a small inhale before doing so.

Spencer read over the card, his eyes flying over the words as he read them pretty quickly. He hummed at that which Rochelle began to question him on but Olivia announced her presence.

“I’ve got it!” She let out in a sang-song voice.

“Olivia, please open the envelope but only read your first card’s question. Spencer has already done so while we were waiting for you,” Rochelle instructed before turning back to the sophomore, “Spencer, whenever you’re ready please read the question and answer.”

How would the person closest to you describe you in three words?

Olivia halted as she pulled out her own card as Spencer showed the card while reading it from the side.

“I’d think they would say I’m...compassionate, hardworking, and...loving?” Spencer announced, taking his time on thinking that over.

It was Rochelle’s turn to hum as she asked, “Do you agree with his choices, Olivia?”

Olivia was confused. “W-what?”

“Would you say Spencer is: compassionate, hardworking, and loving?”

Olivia quickly recovered, “we don’t know if Spencer is referring to me on that question.”

“Spencer, when answering this question who are you saying is the closet person to you?”

“I—uh—I consider a handful of people that are close to me.” Spencer expressed, “but I’d be lying if I didn’t say Olivia isn’t the first person that came to mind. Even though there’s a shift right now in our...relationship due to the distance—among other things...we’re still the closest and that speaks for itself.”

Rochelle gave a smug smile as she looked at Olivia who opened and closed her mouth. Before Rochelle could encourage Olivia to read her question, she already went forth after clearing her throat a few times.

What reality show do you think I’m most likely to binge watch? Explain.

Olivia peered up at Spencer.

“Oh? I’m supposed to answer this about her now? Aight. Lemme see...i don’t know you seem to find a lot of free time to watch things...maybe it’s a film major thing? Months ago you were watching ‘I love New York, then you told me you and Simone were watching ‘Love is Blind’ or—

“It was actually ‘married at first sight’.” Olivia cut in.

Spencer widened his eyes and pointed at the screen with a small laugh, “that makes sense.”

“Why?” Rochelle wanted to know.

Spencer’s answer was firm, “that’s not our business to tell.”

Rochelle scribbled a quick note on that, ruling these two out on that question to ask later. She made sure to circle Simone’s name and put a question mark next to it.

“To answer your previous question,” Spencer redirected the interview back, “since a lot of these were love reality shows...I know that’s not the only genre you watch and you listen to a lot of podcasts. So I’m gonna say this show called, ‘alone.’”

Olivia blinked.

Rochelle waved her hands as she signaled for one of her friends to find the show on the laptop they were on, “have you watched this show, Spencer? And please elaborate on why you chose this show for Olivia?”

“No I haven’t. I only saw the trailer for it randomly when I was on YouTube watching lebron’s greatest moments clips.” Spencer replied earning a snort from Olivia and a eye-roll from Rochelle, “I picked that show because Liv feels that way, always. Like she’s never been seen before, truly seen. And this show tests these guys to survive on their own in the wilderness, putting not only their bodies but their minds through a lot. It’s mainly about survival that much I gained from the trailer. Liv’s always been a loner for as long as I’ve known her and feels that’s how she knows how to survive by doing it all on her own when she doesn’t have to. I see that and I understood that from my first day at Beverly.”

...

#all american #spelivia #Spencer James #Olivia Baker #all american cw #spencer x olivia

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kor-ra · 4 years

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Fun challenge for you based on your recent tags: Explain to me, someone who has never watched a single episode of the 100, why you ship Bellarke? I am curious, and I'm hoping this is entertaining for you to do lol

Oh gosh ok you asked for it, the flood gates have been opened. Sorry this took so long to answer but I wanted to explain it in the best way I could (or at least try to). I’m going to do a short version and a long version so people don’t have to read my entire explanation lol. Also I’m only going over the plot as it relates to their story, so there will probably be some holes.

Clarke Griffin and Bellamy Blake are soulmates, plain and simple as that. The growth that they have had since the first season till now has been a long and winding road. They were enemies then became co leaders then best friends and now are (hopefully) on track to admitting that they love each other. The amount of parallels the show draws between them is insane and they both have such a profound understanding of each other due to their shared leadership role and constantly being the person that the other one goes to when they need someone to comfort them. Time and time again they choose each other, even during some of the most difficult decisions they will ever have to make. Their growth almost always comes back to how they influence each other to try and be better people. Canonically, they make better decisions when they are together: The Head and the Heart. They cannot exist as their full selves without each other in their lives because their lives have become so intertwined with each other that they are fundamentally different people when they’re apart. No matter how often they’re apart, they always find a way back to each other. And if nothing else, the gazes and longing hugs that they give each other just oozes love and understanding.

Ok that was the short version. Here’s the Long Version🤪

Ok so Bellamy and Clarke definitely did not start off this way. From the very first episode they are at each other’s throats. Clarke is trying to be the practical leader to get these kids to survive while Bellamy is the dynamic leader inspiring these kids to “do whatever the hell they want”. They don’t see eye to eye and Bellamy even says he’s willing to cut off Clarke’s hand to get what he wants. This doesn’t change until 1x03 when Bellamy sees Clarke mercy kill Atom, another kid on Earth.

This girl, who he thought was a pampered princess, was able to make this tough decision while he couldn’t. After that they begrudgingly try and coexist together. Then “Day Trip” happens and Bellamy and Clarke go off on their own and almost die by a rogue delinquent. They kill him and while they’re recuperating Bellamy wants to run away from all the hardships and mistakes that he’s made. Instead of holding it against him, Clarke gives him forgiveness (“if you want forgiveness, I’ll give it to you ok, fine you’re forgiven”)

For the first time they are truly vulnerable with each other and make their first decision to lead together. This is the turning point. From then on they co lead together, sharing the burden and responsibilities of leadership and being the person that the other depends on. They don’t always get along but they learn to rely on each other. The season ends with them separated at the end of their first big battle. Clarke closes the drop ship door to save her people from the enemy and she thinks he didn’t survive the blast outside

Bellamy and Clarke are separated (a common occurrence that you will soon find out) Clarke is trapped in Mt. Weather and although the rest of her people are comfortable there, she is determined to get out and find out if the rest of her people -cough cough Bellamy- are alive. Bellamy likewise also starts to look for Clarke. Angst and drama ensues, but the important part is that we get our first ever Bellarke hug and man is it a good one (and an absolute fan favorite)

Like Bellamy is so stunned by the way she RUNS and wraps her arms around him and slowly after the shock hugs her back. But this hug cements just how important they’ve become to each other. From here on out they protect each other. Bellamy saves Clarke from being poisoned, he volunteers to go into Mount Weather and Clarke (originally) violently opposes it saying that “She can’t lose him to” in reference to losing the boy she loved, among other things (imo this is when Bellamy starts to develop real feelings for Clarke). Finally towards the end of the season when they face off against the “big baddie” they have to make the choice to kill hundreds of innocent people among the guilty to save their own people. An impossible choice, and Clarke being the self sacrificial puppy that she is wants to “bear it so they don’t have to”. But Bellamy won’t let her do that, they’re going to share that heavy burden. And they pull the lever together

So they return home, people rescued and the guilt hanging high above their heads. But for Clarke the guilt is too much to bear and she tells Bellamy that she has to leave. And Bellamy BEGS her to stay, even repeating that same line that she said to him in the beginning of the show. However, she leaves him and her people behind, which would lead them both down a path of hurt.

And hurt they do. Clarke leaving didn’t fill the hole of guilt in her heart, and Bellamy was left to (try lol) and heal his broken heart on his own. I will also say that both Clarke/Bellamy get their own significant other with Lexa/Gina respectively and this is because (imo) they both go down paths where the other is not in the picture I’m so certain that if they stayed togehter, they would’ve been together and that’s why they’re always separated. But then for the first time in the 3 months since she left, Bellamy finds Clarke, while she’s being taken captive and literally DROPS EVERYTHING to rescue her. When he finds her it is the most tender thing.

This is soon interrupted when Roan (her captor) comes back and Clarke BEGS him to save his life, saying “I’ll do anything. I’ll stop fighting just please don’t hurt him.” Bellamy gets stabbed in the leg and and Clarke and Roan get away. Unlike a normal person, Bellamy Blake is hopelessly in love and devoted to Clarke so he STILL TRIED TO GO AFTER HER WITH A HOLE IN HIS LEG AND WE GET THIS BEAUTIFUL SCENE RIGHT HERE

Cut back a little while later Clarke is safe in Polis with Lexa, trying to unify their two clans and Bellamy finds her again. He tells her to come back to Arkadia (their home) but she says she needs to be here (in Polis). This breaks his heart and is what sets him literally down a VERY DARK PATH of murder to try and justify a war (complicated stuff, what matter is he fucks up). Clarke eventually does come back to Arkadia only to find a very angry and heartbroken Bellamy who tries to justify his actions (You Left Me). They have a very Bellarke™ talk full of emotion and love.

And just when you think everything is going to be alright, he handcuffs her to a chair lol. And they spend a good chunk of the season apart.

When the going gets tough however, they know that they need each other. And after episodes of not speaking to each other they have another one of their Bellarke™ talks and hugs where Bellamy says “I was so mad at you for leaving. I don’t want to feel that way anymore” And then they hug like this, like c’monnnnnnn platonic my ass.

I’m going to speed up for the sake of getting to more stuff. But they end season 3 as they always do, fighting the evil together. Other highlights include Clarke’s (brainwashed) mom using Bellamy as her 1st choice to sacrifice in front of Clarke. There’s also a cute hand holding scene hgngnghngg

For all the angst however, this is the first season when other people call them out on their feelings (mainly Bellamy’s tho) for each other well Octavia already called him out during the first hug but that doesn’t count because She knows him too well. His other friends call him out for not being devoted to his old girlfriend Gina (who died) and Murphy comparing his feeling for Emori (his CANON love interest) to Clarke.

Ok, I know a lot of this post has been focused on Bellamy’s feelings and that’s mostly because Clarke has had a love interest in every season so she hasn’t had time to recognize her own feelings. However during s4, we get to see the extent of just how much Clarke means to Bellamy as well. There are a lot of moments in this season so I’m just going to try and focus on the big ones/my faves.

(This isn’t super important, but in the 1st episode of s4, Clarke is still grieving her gf Lexa who died and IMMEDIATELY AFTER, we get a cut to Bellamy like way to be subtle guys. no platonic explanation for this edit)

Ok basically what you need to know about s4 is that the world is going to end by a nuclear radiation cloud thingy called Praimfaiya and it’s up to Bellarke (along with some other peeps lol) to save everyone from it. So one of the things Clarke has to do is write a list of 100 people to choose for a potential bunker. So of course Clarke puts Bellamy on spot 99 but can’t bring herself to write her own name. So Bellamy who is sleeping on the couch wakes up because his Clarke is sad sirens are going off to tell her to put her name down. (If I’m on that list, you’re on that list) Still she can’t do it sO BELLAMY DOES IT FOR HER (because this boy needs her to be with him). and then he puts his hand on her AND SHE LAYS HER HEAD ON HIS HAND....so tender.

Ok so a few episodes later Bellamy (and Kane) get held hostage and Clarke has to sacrifice part of a large shelter that they need to escape Praimfaiya for them, it’s a tough decision but one that Clarke obviously makes. (Literally the only reason Bellamy was even taken was because Roan knew how much he meant to specifically Clarke). I can’t find a gif, but trust me it’s worrisome

Ok god next episode is when we start getting into that high stakes shit (THAT I LOVE). So basically Clarke and Bellamy are going to be separated AGAIN and right before he leaves Bellamy says this

LIKE IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO ARGUE THAT HE WAS NOT ABOUT TO CONFESS HIS LOVE TO HER LIKE CMON PEOPLE LOOK AT EVERY TROPE OF THIS EVER. Clarke of course was like “No, we will see each other again” but uhufhdjejdwkndwk he was going to say “I love you” in my book

Ok now towards the end of the season, most everyone in Skaikru is in this Bunker except for Octavia and most of the grounders (people on earth who survived the original radiation). I can’t believe I haven’t mentioned this yet but Octavia is Bellamy’s younger sister and throughout the show he has sacrificed so so much for her and risked a lot of things to keep her safe. So now when Bellamy learns that Octavia is alive and outside the bunker he rushes to open the door for her. But here’s the catch: if they open the hatch, there’s a chance the radiation is bad and everyone in the bunker (THE HUMAN RACE) would die. However, because Bellamy needs to save his sister he’s willing to take that risk. For Clarke, that isn’t though and POINTS A GUN at him. But Bellamy says if she shoots she’s “going to have to make it a kill shot”. AND SHE CAN’T BRING HERSELF TO SHOOT HIM. CLARKE CANNOT KILL BELLAMY EVEN IF IT MEANT SAVING THE HUMAN RACE. Of course it was fine but still man c’mon.

And then later in order to try and lighten the mood, when they’re trying to drive the rover, Bellamy makes Clarke laugh and IS SO DISTRACTED BY HER SMILE HE CRASHES THE CAR. ok moving on

OK HERE IS THE BIG LEAGUE MY FAVORITE BELLARKE SCENE IN THE SERIES. So Bellamy and Clarke have this big heart to heart cause Clarke thinks she’s gonna die and it is the softest scene ever. So Clarke, thinking she’s going to die says “You’ve got such a big heart Bellamy. People follow you, you inspire them because of this (his heart). But the only way we’re gonna make sure we survive is if you use this too (his head aka what Clarke represents in their relationship” AND TO THAT RESPONDS “I got you for that” IN THE MOST TENDER WAY LIKE THEY’RE SO IN LOVE. And also they have one of the best bellarke hugs of the show.

So Bellarke and like 6 of their friends head off to the space station to avoid the death wave. However, the satellite that allows them to get in isn’t working, so Clarke sacrifices her self to go and fix it while the rest of her friends can go to space. Bellamy makes the HEARTWRENCHING DECISION to leave her behind in order to save the rest of his friends from the death wave. So Spacekrew go up to the station to wait 6 years until Earth becomes habitable while Bellamy grieves Clarke’s death.

Except she’s not dead

Clarke has special blood called “nightblood” that made her immune to the radiation. She spends the next six years on the only available plot of green land left with her adoptive daughter Madi (who has nightblood and she found when she survived the radiation.) So for the next 6 years CLARKE CALLS BELLAMY ON THIS RADIO EVERY DAY. This radio doesn’t even work, but Clarke calls him anyways to keep her sane and (imo) this is when I truly think Clarke realizes the depth of her feelings for Bellamy, because I for sure wouldn’t call my platonic buddy EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. for 6 years (THATS 2199 DAYS) like c’mon

Ok so 6 years have passed, and Clarke is waiting for Bellamy + Co (Spacekru) to come back to Earth. But before Spacekru comes back, another ship lands on Earth full of escaped prisoners who have been cryogenically frozen for the past like 150 years. So basically they come to Earth, capture Clarke and hold her hostage, while Madi (her adoptive daughter) escapes.

Literally a little while later Spacekru finds their way back to Earth and stumble upon Madi who tells them Clarke is alive, much to all of their shock but ESPECIALLY Bellamy (cause ya know the love of his life is back from the dead). So he goes to find and rescue her his wife from the prisoners. When he finds her they threaten to shoot him on sight, but he has leverage. He can send a signal back to the spaceship so, he trades 283 lives in order to save Clarke because of course he does.

Bellamy and Clarke finally have their moment to reunite 6 years in the making and it’s as soft and sweet as you could ever expect it to be and they have another one of their classic Bellarke™ hugs.

Ok so happy ending now for them right? They’re finally back together !!! Well NOPE because after Bellamy was done grieving Clarke he got himself a girlfriend :))))))) named Echo (context Echo was an assassin/spy the “bad guys” until end of s4, then she went up to space w/ them) but Bellamys whole schtick is forgiveness, which he learnt from Clarke COUGH COUGH . Anyways when Clarke sees them making out for the first time she is let’s just say ~taken aback~

and the second time she sees them she looks straight up heartbroken !!!

Now that Clarke has finally realized her feelings for Bellamy he’s with another girl :///// But Clarke still holds a very dear position in Bellamy’s heart and we see that when he confronts his sister. Remember Octavia? The sister who he would do anything for??? Well now she’s kinda lost her marbles and became an evil dictator when she was leading everyone in the bunker. So now due to ~plot~ Octavia wants Clarke dead. Bellamy CANNOT have this happen. I mean he just got her back !!! And he pleads for Octavia to save her life and Octavia says this

HIS SISTER WHO KNOWS HIM BEST (well besides Clarke lmao) CALLED HIM OUT ON HIS FEELINGS. And the best part is that Bellamy doesn’t even try to deny it. Then he says “I can’t let you kill Clarke , O” AND PROCEEDS TO POISON HIS SISTER. THE ONE WHO HE HAS RISKED HIS LIFE FOR LIKE FOREVER (she doesn’t die tho) Bellamy choses Clarke over her without hesitation, and that has come a long way my friends.

Ok while, we’re riding this high it gets kinda worse. So, remember Clarke’s adoptive daughter Madi? Well now Spacekrew wants to put this thing called the flame (ok sorry I glossed over it before but it’s really important to the show, I just hate it !) which all previous leaders of the grounder people had, in Madi’s head because she’s the ~destined~ leader (it’s confusing I know just roll with it). Clarke is like fuck no because she also hates the flame (queen) and doesn’t want Madi to become a leader and carry that burden. So Bellamy locks Clarke up to get to Madi, but then Clarke grabs Madi and leaves Bellamy to die in Octavia’s apocalyptic fighting pit to fend for his life.

Not looking great right? Bear with me for a moment lol. So flash forward to the end of the season and one of the prisoner dudes accidentally sets off a bomb that’s going to destroy the one green valley that was left. Bellamy is pissed at Clarke for leaving him to die, but Clarke was only trying to save Madi but doesn’t know how to fix this. Then Madi (our mini bellarke shipper) tells Bellamy how important she is to him. Like this girl probably watched her make these calls every morning, SHE KNOWS

And just like that Bellamy cannot be mad at Clarke anymore, because he realizes the bond and isolation and dare I say LOVE she must have for him to do that. So they all make it back up to space as Earth explodes for the 2nd time (RIP). So remember that prision ship with cryogenic pods? Yea so now basically everyone who is on Earth is going to rest in these pods until Earth heals itself. Except it doesn’t (at least not in the 10 years they had hoped for). So two of Bellarke’s friends and couple named Monty and Harper stay awake and spend their remaining years finding another planet to live on. And when they find one 125 years later guess who they picked to wake up first. You guessed it, the co leaders themselves Bellarke. So they have a tender moment watching the sun rise over this new planet

Ok this is the last season before we’re caught up but my god it’s a big one for Bellarke. Ok so the season starts off on this new planet and everyone is distrustful of Clarke for what she did on Earth to protect her daughter and make ONE personal sacrifice when she sacrifices everything for everyone all the time god Anyways, on this new planet due to this like “red sun” they hallucinate on the surface and Bellamy says to Clarke “I don’t need you anymore Clarke”(remember this it’s important). After the red sun fiasco, the actual residents of the planet show up (they were descended from an earthship that came there like 250~ years ago).

(I can’t believe I almost forgot to put this but Bellamy tells Clarke about the radio calls before they hallucinate and it’s such a whole some scene and helps to bridge the gap between them once more)

So the people show Bellarke + crew their customs which includes a ceremony where they repent and let go of their past mistakes. Clarke uses this to apologize to Bellamy for her actions as she declares to him “Hey, you’re my family too. I lost sight of that. But I promise I will never forget it again” like boyo that scene brings me to tears like fuck !!! and then once again they have a classic Bellarke™ hug and god it’s a GOOD one.

So yay, they’re on good terms !! That means something bad is about to happen again per usual. So it turns out the leaders of this group of people have been alive for 100s of years using these “mind drives” to back their consciousness up and put into new bodies when their current body dies (fun!). And take a guess as to who has the special blood and can be a new host :))))))))))

Clarke gets stolen and *dies* so Josephine can take over her body. While Josie!Clarke fools everyone for like an episode, guess who is the first to think ‘hey that’s not really Clarke’ ofc our boy Bellamy. AND THEN THEY GIVE BELLAMY AN ENTIRE EPISODE TO GRIEVE CLARKE LIKE HE IS THE ONLY ONE WHO LOOKS THIS SAD THROUGHOUT THE EPISODE. way to be subtle JR

But then guess what !!! Clarke isn’t dead. She’s trapped in her own mind, but very alive. And you’ll never guess how Bellamy finds out. Josie!Clarke taps her fingers on her legs and Bellamy interprets it as morse code that translate into “ALIVE”. LIKE IMAGINE TRYING TO EXPLAIN TO SOMEONE THAT YOUR SUPPOSED DEAD WIFE BESTIE IS STILL ALIVE CAUSE SHE SENT YOU MORSE CODE, LIKE MY BOY I KNOW YOU LOVE HER BUT THAT’S QUITE A STRETCH.

Anyways, this sends Bellamy into overdrive mode, because goddamn it he is not losing her a 3rd time. Throughout the next episodes we see Bellamy prioritize Clarke over everyone, including his girlfriend Echo when she is in danger. He risks himself and even the lives of others to try and save Clarke to get Josie out of her head. And it all culminates to this masterpiece of a Bellarke scene.

Clarke’s heart stops and she won’t get up and Bellamy arguably becomes the most desperate he has ever been. He whispers, “the head and the heart” before LITERALLY BECOMING HER HEART AND PERFORMING CPR ON HER AND BANGING ON HER CHEST TO GET HER TO WAKE UP (HOW MUCH FURTHER CAN THEY TAKE THIS METAPHOR). Even when Octavia gives up, Bellamy yells at her that she’s not dead. “I need you” the first time he has openly admitted that he PERSONALLY needs her in his life. “You’re a fighter Clarke now get up and fight”. Clarke literally (in her mindspace) finds the will to get up and fight by hearing Bellamy’s voice. And like a miracle she wakes up and AN ICONIC AND BEAUTIFUL Bellarke™ hug occurs, even though it looked like she was literally about to kiss him !!!!!! Like tell me these aren’t heart eyes ?!!??!

So then for the rest of the few episodes Bellamy is still super protective of Clarke but they have to split up again because ~plot~. BUT WE HAVE ONE MORE GREAT HURT/COMFORT BELLARKE MOMENT IN THE FINALE. Clarke’s mother had just died, and who does she seek in a crowd for comfort: Bellamy...hopefully you know this by now. God they give each other such meaningful looks in this last scene and have another once again iconic Bellarke™ hug, but it’s a hug where they run into each other like from s2 !!!!! parallels

So they end s6 closer than ever and now we’re all caught up in the present to s7 and lemme be honest besides 7x11, it’s been a HORRIBLE bellarke season, but last episode has had things shake up finally god. So basically everyone assumed Bellamy was dead (including Clarke!!!), but *surprise surprise* he’s alive, but as they soon find out he’s been brainwashed by an evil cult. NOW IT’S CLARKE’S TURN TO SAVE HIM BY BEING HIS HEAD LIKE HE WAS HER HEART LAST SEASON (or I at least hope so). As of writing this post, Bellarke isn’t canon but I’ve been watching this show for 5 years and these two have such a hold on my heart it’s embarrassing, but I hope this explained to you why I and many others will be ridiculously obsessed when it comes to them hehe. Pray for us to be canon, we only have 5 eps left for this beautiful story to come to a conclusion.

#the 100 #bellarke #bellamy blacke #clarke griffin #bellamy x clarke #answered #seriously tho thank you for indulging me #I had a lot of fun #sapphosapprentice

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godlyborn · 5 years

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discord. | those lost to the timeless abyss.

summary: ellie and rory go to the lotus hotel on a quest to bring lucien and linnaea to camp. it was much harder than they thought.

Elliot took a step inside, looking around. She ran a hand through her hair. "Where do we even start?" she asked Rory. "The vagueness of that prophecy isn't helping us."

Rory was speechless as they walked into the Lotus Casino. She wasn't sure what she expected it to look like, Amber never really went into detail, but she certainly wasn't expecting it to be as massive as it was. Looking around, Rory shook her head. "I....I have no fucking clue." She turned her head to look at Ellie, sighing before turning back towards everything in front of them. "This is going to take way longer than we want it to, isn't it?"

"Oh, 100 percent," Ellie answered. "How do we even manage to find them? They could be anywhere. Should we like start asking around or some shit?"

"And ask what? 'Excuse me, have you seen a pair of twins that have been here for about thirty years?'" She threw her hands up, starting to walk towards the brighter games in the back. "Might as well start looking instead of just standing here. Why couldn't they even tell us what they look like? It would've made this at least one percent possible instead of the negative fifty we're at right now."

“Well I wouldn’t put it that way,” Ellie replied. “We can ask people if they are a twin. How many twins would be here anyway.”

"With our luck? Too many. Though I guess that's the best way to start." Rory looked around, stopping a random person that looked relatively their age. "Excuse me, are you a twin by chance?" The person looked at her extremely confused, and shook her head before quickly walking away. "Well," she sighed. "One down, who knows how many more to go.”

Ellie weaved through the people with Rory. "Hey, just a quick question. Do you happen to be a twin?" When the guy gave her a dirty look and returned to their game, Ellie took a step back. "Wow nice to meet you too."

Rory rolled her eyes at the guys response. "Dick head." She continued walking with Ellie, with multiple other failed attempts to find anyone that's a twin. She knew this would normally be quicker if they split up, but Rory was nervous about one of them getting distracted and ending up in there for the next century. "Should we just like, stand on a bench and scream that we're looking for twins?”

"You know what, fuck it," Ellie said, finding the nearest bench to stand up on. "Hey everyone! My friend and I are looking for some twins! Anyone here happen to see any?"

When Ellie screamed, Rory started looking around the casino, trying to spot anyone walking towards them or just having any other reaction then thinking the two of them were insane. When a minute of silence passed, and everyone just went back to their games, Rory groaned. "Okay, seriously? Is there like a separate game room or some shit?"

Elliot jumped down. "Let's start branching out or something? I'm not sure what else to try."

Rory looked over at Ellie, slightly nervous at the idea. "Is that a good idea in this place?" She tried to look around for a clock, trying to see how much time had already passed, not really surprised when she didn't find one. "But I don't really know what else to try, either."

"We just have to stay away from everything, and stay on task, yeah? We can manage this," Ellie nodded, though she wasn't sure if she was even convincing herself. "We can stick together, but we should try looking in other rooms."

She nodded, trying to convince herself that it was that simple. "Yeah, totally. Just stay on track." Rory stated walking farther into the room, trying to look over all the games to try and find a doorway or anything that gave the impression of a separate section. "Should we set an alarm on our phones or something to try and keep track of time?" Her head tilted ever so slightly in thought. "Would that even work in here? Or is there some kind of dumb magic mumbo jumbo that wouldn't let that happen?" Finally seeing an entrance to a hallway, Rory pointed, speeding up slightly. "There. Hopefully somethings over there."

"Yeah, I don't think that'll work here," Ellie replied. "It would kind of defeat the point, wouldn't it?"

Rory sighed, tucking her phone into her pocket after confirming that no, that's not how it works. "I was kinda hoping for a loop hole, not gonna lie."

"If only it were that easy," Ellie replied. "These games are very alluring, I'm not going to lie. No wonder people want to play. I'm glad were not Tyche kids. I wonder how many Tyche kids are stuck in here."

"I know, I'm trying not to look directly at them." Unconsciously, she glanced at them, spotting a Monopoly machine and very quickly looked away and tried to get it out of her brain, focusing on the conversation with Ellie to stay grounded. "Fuck, there's probably so many of them in here. This must be like crack for them."

"Damn, that must suck," Ellie said back, leading through the crowd, looking for another room to look in, occasionally asking if people were twins. "Honestly, my mind is so focused on getting back to my brother's and Ben that I refuse to let the thoughts of playing invade my mind too much. I can't imagine being in here with those you care about, or think no one cares for you."

Rory nodded her head in agreement. "I know what you mean, I would never be able to picture feeling like that. Keaton and Bailey would burn this place to the ground if I get stuck in here." She let out a small laugh, a smile growing on her face as she thought of her boyfriend and sister. She already missed them, especially Keaton. "These twins better show up soon, I wanna get back to them." Rory sped up her walking, heading into the next room, which luckily had a few less machines in it, as well as not as many people. "What do you think, scream on a bench again or grab people?"

"Grab people probably, I don't think the screaming thing really worked," she replied. Ellie tapped on a boy's shoulder near her. "Hey, excuse me, hi, do you happen to be a twin, or have seen any twins here?"

The boy actually seemed semi-helpful. After staring at them for a second or five, he pointed a vague direction before running off again. Rory rolled her eyes, but walked in the direction anyway. "At least he gave us something to go off of. First time in who knows how long." Seeing another boy, Rory walked up, tapping him on the shoulder. "Hi. Quick question: are you a twin?"

Lucien had lost track of time. It’d been a few days (days?) of almost nonstop fun for him, broken up only briefly with naps and quiet moments in corners of the casino. One of these days, he remembered telling Linnaea, they’d have to go back outside. But not now. He was holding a cup against the slot machine as it poured coins out, shiny and promising. When the girl approached her, Lucien had to drag his eyes up from the sight of gold spilling into his hands. “Huh?”

"Are you a twin? We're looking for a set of twins," Ellie replied. "Some guy pointed your way."

He pondered this. “Define twins,” Lucien said. The coins stopped pouring and he lifted the cup, shaking it and listening to the rattle. “Identical? There’s a few of them, here, actually. I think I remember where they went....”

Rory held back the urge to let out an annoyed sigh. "Identical. Fraternal, whatever. Just answer the question please?”

Lucien looked between the two girls slowly. “What do you want twins for? Some weird art thing?”

The prophecy was some what like art, maybe he'd be more willing if that was the point than just outright saying 'hey man, you've been stuck in here for like 30 some years'. "Uh, something like that," Ellie replied. "It requires these twins who are grandchildren of Homonoia. If you happen to know them."

Lucien paused. A crooked smile slid onto his face to mask the little jolt that came with hearing that name out loud. It shook a little clarity into him, and for the first time in what felt like a long time he was nervous. “You come from a small town? This is a big place, I don’t really know most people’s grandparents on a first name basis. Define require.”

Rory shuffled a bit, trying to think of a vague enough answer in case any of the people around them were listening, though she highly doubted it. "You could say that, everyone knows each other where we're from. Though, we're looking for twins born in 1974." She hoped she got the year right, the number sounded correct to her.

Lucien turned his attention back to the slot machine, if only to keep looking aloof. He pictured Linnaea's face, the last time he saw her a few... hours? ago. "Wanna play?" he asked the two, sliding a coin into the machine anyway. He imagined walking through the crowds, sliding seamlessly past crowds and faces and finding— Linn? Where are you?

"We were just playing in the other room," Ellie replied. She looked at the machine, almost like it was calling to her, weirdly part of her wanted to play with all his winning. "That's how me and her got this idea for the project."

Rory glanced at the machine when Lucien offered, almost tunnel visioning with the flashing lights. Ellie's voice snapped her back into focus, and she shook her head slightly before focusing back in on the conversation.

With no immediate reply from his sister, Lucien pulled the machine's lever, buying himself as much time as he could. Nothing. He sighed, and spun around again, face calm. "I think I know someone who fits this description..." he started. "What's the project, though?"

"A series of photos outside with flowers and nature, all that jazz," Ellie replied. "Cupid's Vault esc. Don't know if you know who that is, but they use crystals and flowers to make a person look like a part nature. Make it like unity with nature."

Rory nodded along, pretending to know exactly what Ellie was talking about. "We're really inspired by Greek Mythology, honestly."

Some part of him, something he couldn't quite name, bristled at the thought of going outside. Which was strange. Outside arguably was safer than in here, where everyone was perpetually distracted. Maybe the fresh air would be nice... Lucien shook off the thought and stood up. "Okay, let's go look for some twins. I think they went this way." He started walking, assuming the two would follow, and tried Linnaea again. Sis? Location please.

"Yeah, I'll have another!" Linnaea plucked the lotus leaf from the platter with a smile. "Hey, cheers!" she sang, tapping leaves with a girl beside her. "Your shirt is hella fly, by the way. Where did you get it?" Linnaea snapped the tip of the leaf off between her teeth. "Forever 21? Huh, never heard of it." Before Linnaea knew it, her hand was empty and she found herself reaching for another leaf. "Yeah, I'll—" Lucien's voice echoed through her mind. How long had it been seen she last saw him? I'm by the bar, just got another one of those leaf things. You want one?

Maybe later. He glanced around the room. The bar was two rooms over. Lucien paused and tried to look like he was searching for people. Gauging how easily he could lose these two. I have a slight situation. Meet me by the front?

Ellie followed the boy, glancing back at Rory a few times to make sure she was there too. Ellie had a feeling he was dodging her but she needed to finish this prophecy. “Hey. slow down,” she said.

Rory followed, trying very hard to not get distracted by all the flashing lights around them. She let Ellie do the talking, and instead focused on the boy and keeping track of him, just wanting to get out of this place and back home already.

What kind of situation? Linnaea looked around the room. The crowd around her seemed much more densely packed than it was just an hour ago and finding her bearings was suddenly a monumental task. Which way is the front?

Lucien was about to shove a group in front of him aside and run for it, but the question threw him. It occurred to him, slowly, in a haze, that he didn't know. "Um," he said, then clenched his teeth. Okay, new plan, I'll come to you. Don't move.

"I think I see them over there." Lucien pointed to the left corner of the room, where he saw two people with blonde hair. Not at all twins, but enough to distract them. When their heads turned, he backed away to the right and started to weave between people.

Rory glanced over in the direction he pointed, but didn’t see any twins. Quickly looking back, she lost sight of him for a few moments, before just catching sight of him weaving between people. Now thoroughly annoyed, she started walking faster in his direction. “I got him.” She growled at Ellie, waving her hand to create a wind current to sweep his legs out from under him, feeling a weird sense of satisfaction when she saw him fall.

He got maybe a 5 second lead before he landed on his face. Palms and chest and chin stinging, a new jolt of panic ricocheted through his body. Subtlety, it seemed, was no longer an option. Lucien shot to his feet and ran, shoving people behind him to give himself a buffer.

“Seriously dude!” Ellie said, trying her best to keep with him. “Also Rory, that was bad ass.”

Uh, okay. Linnaea looked around for her brother's head amongst the crowd.

"Looking for something?"

Linnaea turned to see the server with the platter staring straight at her, unblinking.

"Uh, no, just my brother, thanks."

"Have another leaf."

"No, that's okay, I'm waiting for—"

"Have another."

Linnaea took a step back, eyes still locked with the unblinking server.

Rory started running after him as well, grateful that she had kept up with her jogging to stay in shape after leaving camp. “Thanks. Might as well put all those years of power training for something, right?”

Lucien probably lost an ally or two in his mad dash to his sister. A few angry shouts followed him through the next room and the next. The bar was in sight, and after another half minute of pissing some more guests off— was it always this crowded?— he finally found Linnaea. "Sis!" he shouted to her. He grabbed her shoulders, and turned her toward him. "Hey you, fun game time, let's run."

Ellie continued running to try and catch up to them, turning around ever so often to make sure Rory was still there. She had to dodge a few server in her path. "Wait, we can explain dude. We're not here to hurt you!”

Rory tried to duck under the servers plate, but failed, knocking some weird flower shaped things to the ground. She shouted a “sorry!” over her shoulder in response to the yelling, but kept going in the direction the boy, now joined by another girl, we’re heading. “Yeah, seriously! Just stop so we can talk about this,” she paused for a second. “I promise not to trip you again?”

Linnaea stood frozen as the server took a menacingly slow step towards her. Then—"Lucien!" Linnaea glanced back at the server, who now had both of them set in her sights, and then at the two girls who seemed to be chasing Lucien down. "Say no more." Grabbing Lucien's arm, Linnaea started shoving strangers aside in a mad dash away from their assailants.

With Linnaea leading, they scrambled away, looking for the front or any sort of exit. He shouted a few useless apologies to the people they crashed past, but eventually gave up and decided to own the havoc. They'd started to run just to run, dashing from room to room, always just a few desperate steps ahead of the chasers.

Maybe it was the stress, maybe the low hum of fear vibrating in his stomach, but the casino started to feel... strange. Lucien didn't know what to make of that, but he thought he saw, out of the corner of his eye... "Wait," he gasped, tugging his arm to catch his sister's attention. "Front door, over there!"

Rory’s eyes widened as she saw them head towards the front door of the casino. “Oh shit!” She pushed herself to run faster, trying to catch up and stop them. “Wait, no! Please don’t go out there!” Now it was her making sure Ellie was keeping up. “We really need to talk first!”

"Fuck," Ellie said, following Rory to try and stop them from going outside.

Linnaea avoided the temptation to turn around to see how far ahead they were. The crowd had grown far too dense anyhow, she justified. Finding her brother's hand in the chaos, she bolted toward the front doors and threw them open with all her might. "Fuck!" The sun was blindingly bright and Linnaea stumbled blindly forward. Lucien! Lucien where— As her eyes adjusted, Linnaea started to take in her surroundings. Where... Where are we?

He ignored every silent protest, every reluctance to leave the building, and followed his sister outside. They landed on the sidewalk and Lucien crouched over to catch his breath. "I think they're right behi—" He cut himself off and looked up. His jaw dropped. Holy shit.

When they caught up to them, Ellie slowed stepped forward to them. She held up her hands slightly, as if to signal she wasn't going to hurt them. "We can explain. You're probably really confused. Seriously, we just want to help you. We're not here to hurt you, we're here to take you somewhere safe, a place where we're protected by monsters. I'm Ellie, and this is Rory, and we're like you.”

Trying not to panic, Linnaea discreetly patted down her pockets, feeling around for something she could wield. Nothing. "Like fuck we're going anywhere with you," Linnaea retaliated. What's the move, Luce?

Lucien was trying to make sense of the city he saw before entering the casino and the one sprawled in front of him now. When the girl Ellie approached, he pulled his attention back to the moment. Instinctively, he stepped a little in front of his sister. At least one of them has some legit powers. I don't think we can lose them if we run. Scream for help?

"I'm being serious," Ellie insisted. "Look." She went through her pockets for her school ID. She showed them. "I go to college, I live with my older brothers, me and them are children of Morpheus, he's a God. I'm a demigod. Rory over there, she has a boyfriend, she's a daughter of Zeus. Even if you don't know about the Gods, I'm sure you know a God named Zeus. There's a place for people like us, it's called Camp Halfblood, it's safe." She sighed, looking at Rory, and then back at them. "It's 2020," she said. "You've been in there for decades. That place, it's magic. Playing the games, eating the food, it causes you to stay in there and never age. I didn't want to freak you out at first, but that backfired. Please."

“We swear on the river Styx that we’re not here to hurt you.” Rory glanced up at the booming thunder that sealed her promise, not being able to help rolling her eyes. “Dad always has to be dramatic.” She turned her attention back to the twins. “We’re not monsters.” She didn’t really agree with dropping all this information on them now, but she couldn’t really stop Ellie. “Homonoia sent us to find you two and get you to safety.”

Maybe his brain was melting, because none of what he just heard made any sense. "Uh," he started, a laugh bubbling up in his chest. "Ah... No, this is... No. We don't want what you're selling us, thanks.”

Rory blinked slowly before looking over at Ellie. “What damn part of this sounds like a sales pitch?”

"We're not selling anything. You're like us. We would not risk coming here if we didn't need you two," she replied. Ellie got out her phone and showed him the date. "Read that, that's the date.”

Linnaea put her hands up and took a step back. "Is this... a joke?" What little she had actually heard, her brain had not yet processed. She was still unsure if their lives were in danger. "What is that?" Linnaea looked at the device glowing in the stranger's hand.

Lucien stared at the screen, not comprehending. When it went dark, he blinked, and looked back at Ellie and Rory.

Linnaea kept her hands up, as if to shield herself from the strangers. Are we drugged? Did we take drugs in there and we don't remember?

Rory took a small step forward towards them. “No, it’s not a joke.” She pointed to the cell phone in Ellie’s hand. “That’s a portable telephone. There’s a lot of new technology now days, but my boyfriend, Keaton was always better at explaining them.” She glanced around the area. “Please, you need to believe us. The longer we stand here, the more we’re risking putting all of us in danger.”

"We're not the monsters, but if we don't leave and get you too safety, there'll really be some after us. Our godly blood attracts them. Either you go back in there and never come out, which will happen, or you come with us to safety. If you stay out in the open, your risk is getting killed by a monster. There's two of you and you'll attract them more. Trust me, please."

And we're having the same trip? But the idea was already rooting itself in Lucien. Well... that checks out, actually. They could already talk, already share little flashes of memory. He latched onto this because it made more sense than anything else. He took Linnaea's hand, checking in with her for silent confirmation. "We're gonna go back inside, then."

Rory covered her face with her hands, giving herself a moment to let out a small half groan, half scream. Once done, she dropped them. “Listen, I know we sound insane, but we’re telling the truth.” She waved her hands them a bit. “You’re honestly telling me that you think that all of this happened in the span of what....a week or so? That’s not possible. Even today.”

Linnaea stepped toward Rory, an accusatory finger pointed her way. "All I know is that this morning, my brother and I were doing just fine on our own. Things only got weird when you showed up and started pursuing us. So how about you leave us alone and go back to whatever freaky place you came from." Linnaea turned on her heel and started marching toward the hotel with Lucien in tow.

Ellie stood in front of the door, stoping them from entering. "If you go in there, you'll be stuck in there forever," she replied.

"What she said," Lucien said as he started to follow. "Well.. we don't believe you," he said to Ellie.

Rory let out another growl, her eyes turning a slightly brighter shade of blue. She forced down the power that flared to life with her emotions. “This morning you were trapped in a god damn magical hellhole, we just started to fucking wake you up. It’s another decade for fucks sake!”

Ellie took a step toward them, away from the door, "Please, I know this is shocking, but you're only safe in camp halfblood."

"What the fuck," Lucien threw up his hands. "Will you leave us alone! We're not going with you!" He stepped up to Ellie, trying to look intimidating. "Move."

Linnaea clenched a fist and exhaled, ready to sucker punch the girl standing in their way. On my count, I think I can knock her out. Linnaea scanned for an opening to clobber the side of her head when her eyes caught the still unbroken stare of the server inside the hotel, watching her through the glass. Wait—do you see that?

Though he did look intimidating, Ellie wasn't very fazed. "Look dude, I'm not scared of you. I have faced what should be scarier people, and scarier monsters than you." Ellie was ready to take them out, if she needed to.

Lucien grit his teeth, but put his attempts at scaring her off on pause as soon as Linnaea called his attention. He glanced past Ellie and met the stare of a server, holding a tray of lotuses. A small chill went down his spine. I see it.

Rory stood a few feet behind the twins, ready to either slam the doors shut or just trip them again. Seeing them pause, she glanced over their shoulders, seeing the creepy server behind the door. “Okay, even on my terms that’s fucking creepy.” She now focused her attention on the server, ready to defend if needed. “Ellie, behind.”

What the fuck? Once again, Linnaea shifted gears, now backing slowly away from the door as the lotus server was joined by another, and another, and another, until several of them were lined up behind the glass, moving slowly toward them, still unblinking. "Nope. Mm-mm. What in the line dancing fuck is that."

Ellie turned when Rory warned her. "What the fuck," Ellie said, shivers running down her spine at the Lotus Eaters, stepping back from the door.(edited)

Lucien had a vague, distant, maybe-not-real memory of these same creepy faces, staring out at them on their first day in Vegas. He remembered thinking it exciting, inviting, not the horrifying vision he was staring at now. Okay, maybe I'm second guessing going back in there.

Rory stayed still, letting the other three pass her before she started stepping back as well. Her brain now fully switched into defense mode, she spoke to Ellie without looking away from the Lotus Eaters. “Okay, start heading towards the van, I’ll blast them right back in there if they even think about moving.”

"Do you want to come with us now?" Ellie said harshly, walking backward. "Or do you want to deal with that?"

Linnaea looked back and forth between the servers and the strangers. "God damn it." She sighed, her choice clearly made. At least these two blink.

Lucien felt backed into a corner, and it was annoying that he couldn't even fully blame the two girls for it anymore. Stupid, creepy servers with thier stupid soulless eyes. He grumbled, rubbing his forehead. "Yeah, okay, fine. Fine. We'll go, what about our—" Shit. I guess the car is gone. He sighed. "Ugh. Can we go get a burger or something before we go?"

#elliot #those lost to the timeless abyss #d:ellie #discord #d:ellielinnaealucienrory #ellielinnaealucienrory #d:ellielinnaea #d:ellielucien #d:ellierory #ellielinnaea #ellielucien #ellierory

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whatbutandreil · 5 years

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i had an ask sitting in my inbox for a couple of months bc i didn't really know what i wanted to say, but i lost the ask:/

unfortunately, when i tried to save my response to my drafts, tumblr just,, fuckin deleted it, so im sorry to whoever asked it:/ but i have my response now. the ask said "what(or who) got you into tfc?" to the person who asked this question, thank you. this has been a really great reflection. so uh,, here's my answer:

i kinda hate the way i came into tfc bc it was in a way that didn't respect the wishes of my, now friend on twitter, ziegenkind.

basically, i was scrolling on pinterest, as you do, and i fell into a hole of like,, gay fanart? (not a question, just a little self-reflection on how fucking queer i am. how did i not fucking know?)

anyway, so, i was scrolling, as you do, and i found @ziegenkind 's stunning painting of andrew and neil on the bottom bunk of the dorm bed (y'all know the one) and i was like "whooooo,, the fUCk are these two cuties (ʘ‿ʘ)??"

PSA : DONT REPOST PEOPLE'S ART WITHOUT THEIR PERMISSION, ESPECIALLY IF SOMEONE EXPLICITLY SAYS NOT TO. THIS COUNTS AS REPOSTING IF YOU POST SOMEONE ELSE'S ART TO PINTEREST, INSTAGRAM, TUMBLR, TWITTER, FACEBOOK, ANY SOCIAL MEDIA. DO NOT QRT PEOPLE'S ART ON TWITTER IF PEOPLE SAY NO. YOU ARE NO EXCEPTION. AND DONT FUCKING ERASE PEOPLE'S WATERMARKS AND DEFINITELY DONT REPLACE THEM WITH YOUR OWN. DONT FUCKING DO IT. to the lovely ziegenkind, (it's julian from twitter (^o^)丿) it's so fuckin unfortunate that i found your art through reposts and it's fucking horrible that people don't listen, but thank you for being my bridge into this fandom and im very grateful to have found you and been able to talk with such an angel. you quite literally changed my life forever and i can't thank you enough:') im eternally grateful for that. BUT DONT FUCKING REPOST DIPSHITS

anyway, so, naturally, i sat in my bed for 3 hours at 1am on a school night, as you do, scrolling through andreil fan art and trying to figure out who the fUCK they were and what they were from. i found tfc and immediately downloaded it on my phone

i didn't get to reading it for a bit tho:/ abt a week later, i was brought to the emergency room bc i was planning to kill myself. id been diagnosed with depression for around a year, who knows how long i was suffering before that, and i was hitting my lowest. it was abt 2 weeks after new years and on new years eve, i was planning on ending it bc i couldn't fathom dealing with it for another year. another year of feeling nothing or everything all at once. but my mom had called me downstairs to go to a new years party, so i didn't go through with it. abt 2 weeks later, i had seen my therapist again, and i was deflecting hard core, and she saw it, and she sent me to the ER. i was evaluated all night, but i wasn't kept for observation since i told the nurse that the thoughts had passed. i was taken out of school and put in an outpatient program where id have group for 4 hours and school for 2. every morning for abt a month, i would get picked up at my house in a minivan and id have a good 20-25+ min drive to program.

every. single. morning. on the van, i would read tfc. every morning. i was going through, what i thought to be the worst time of my life (i now know that it in fact DID get worse and now we're going on a new level of bad, but then it was the worst id experienced) every morning i was reading about neil and him running from his father, something ive wanted to do for years. reading about andrew struggling with depression and self harm like i am and despising most touches bc of people in his life that ruined it, similar to how someone ruined it for me and doesn't understand that "no" means "no". reading about nicky learning to love and accept himself for being gay, for being who he is like ive been trying to accept myself being a queer ace trans boy. reading about kevin trying to cope with his anxiety, even if it's in an unhealthy way, the same way i do. reading about renee growing up one way and wanting to become a better person, something that i want to do every day. reading abt matt overcoming his addiction and loving his friends with his whole heart. reading about dan standing up for herself and being proud of who she is. reading abt allison cutting away the people in her life who wanted to hold her back. reading about aaron and andrew work through their differences to try and salvage their relationship. reading about neil taking his life back and living it the way he wants, on his terms, like i so badly crave to do. reading about neil and andrew finding a respectful and loving relationship, one where all boundaries are respected, not crossed, where there is comfort in being together and a certain understanding on a level that others could never wrap their mind around. the kind of relationship that i have always, always, yearned for, where i feel safe and loved and respected.

these books taught me not only to die for the ones i love or kill for them, but to live for them, and to me, that is a much more daunting and difficult task.

All For the Game gave me hope, something i never thought id have again. it gave me hope for tomorrow. and the day after that. and a month after that. and it gives me hope that one day, i will get away from my father, i will be comfortable with who i am and love myself for it, i will find ways to cope with my anxiety properly, i will be proud of the person i have become, i will have friends who i love and who love me, i will stand up for myself and be proud to be the person ive become, i will surround myself with good people and cut away those who treat me wrong and hold me back, i will work to repair and maintain good relationships.

it gives me hope that i will finally break away from the pain and start to live my life the way i want, as the person i was meant to be, the way i was meant to live my life.

it gives me hope that i will overcome my depression, that i will find the strength to stop harming myself to cope, that i will find the strength to push through, even after ive been given every reason to just give up.

it gives me hope that one day, i will find a person who will love me for who i am, love me despite my past and the scars i carry, love me in a way that i'll never be able to explain or understand. that i will find someone who respects my boundaries, who asks "yes or no?" before touching me, who respects if i say "no" and still fucking loves me regardless. someone who can feel like they can be completely themself around me, and that i can feel the same around them. someone who will fall in love with me a little more every day. someone who i'll fall in love with a little more every day.

it gives me hope that one day, hopefully someday soon—but i think im willing to wait—i will be happy.

All For the Game quite literally changed to course of my life, and i can say with confidence that without it, i would not be here right now.

people say that books and shows and movies change there life all the time, but i know that i wouldn't be here without it. these books saved my fucking life. i wouldn't have experienced those mornings, walking into program with a goofy smile on my face, practically vibrating with what i now know was joy, blabbing to every person i ran into that morning abt a boy with scars and a sharp tongue on the run and the small, depressed and angry blond who told him to stay. or nights when i sobbed and sobbed for those boys who deserved better. and i wouldn't have gotten black armbands to cover my scars and match with my two biggest inspirations. or when i have a bad impulsive thought, i wouldnt have a voice in the back of my head going "what would andrew say? what would neil say?" and the vivid image of the small blond giving me a stare, face carefully blank, yet eyes swimming with a mix between disapproval and hope, and the boy covered in scars tentatively giving me a hug, a bit awkward at first, but he's a lovely hugger and eventually, awkwardness turns into comfort. without it, i don't think id know what pure, honest love is supposed to look like.

sorry, i suppose this got quite a bit off track from what got me into aftg, but once i started writing, i couldn't stop.

TLDR; i saw fanart on pinterest, DONT REPOST ART WITHOUT PERMISSION, and my life was saved and changed for the better by a book that i stumbled upon, purely by chance.

i don't believe in fate, but i do think that i found these books for a reason, and that my life changed because of it. i suppose you could call it the butterfly effect.

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nonsenseverses · 5 years

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How do u write a outline for a book? I’m having trouble with it and want to know what you do! It’s fine if u don’t answer tho

I’m happy to help! As always, I’m going to preface this by saying this is what works for me. Everyone is different when it comes to writing! Anyway, outlines (this is going to get long and I apologize for it now):

My first, and most critical, piece of advice is to have a pretty clear idea of your plot! Specifically, the end. It’s going to be a whole lot easier to plan out what you want to write if you know where you’re going, you know? Obviously, there’s a pretty good chance you’ll come up with additional details as you’re working and that’s totally cool! But a basic idea of a beginning, middle, and end is super helpful when you go to fill in the rest of it. Usually I stick a little paragraph description at the top of my outline (because 9 times out of 10 I message someone as soon as I get an idea) and use that as a guide!

Another important thing is to put all your ideas down on a page somewhere. This is something that I just recently started doing (shoutout to Sav & Nic for inspiring me to do this), but it can be super helpful when you’re trying to remember minor details or plot ideas that don’t really have a set place yet! You can also write down questions you have that don’t necessarily have answers so that you can remember to come back to them. Also keeping track of characters and arcs you might want to have them go through. It also gives you a super helpful resource to come back to if you get stuck!

Ok, now the fun part: actual outlining! I always do my outlines on a computer, just because a) my handwriting is an actual mess and b) it’s wayyyy easier to rearrange stuff when you need to! For my outlines, I always do a little header with the chapter number and then bullet points of the stuff I want to include below it. Kinda like this:

Chapter One

Details

I’ll throw pretty much any details that I can think of in there, from a line of dialogue that I think might fit to something as minor as remembering that I want two characters to look at each other. Having all these details isn’t really necessary, but it can be super helpful for writing the chapter, especially if you’re trying to hit a certain word count. Definitely leave some wiggle room for yourself because you’ll undoubtedly think of things you want to include as you go, but having details also gives you a pretty clear path to follow!

I usually start at the prologue/chapter one and then just work my way down from there, although other times I know I want to have a certain situation be a certain chapter, so I put that down on the outline and then fill in the details in between, it just depends on what you prefer! Neither is really better than the other, in my opinion! I also tend to just write down whatever comes to mind rather than focusing on the number of chapters, and then separate/combine ideas as needed!

And finally, just be patient with yourself! Outlines can be frustrating as you try to figure out how to piece things together or get around plot holes, but remember that things can always be added/removed. Making outlines is one of my favorite parts of writing.

Ok, this got really long like I thought it would, but hopefully that helps! Feel free to ask any more questions that you may have, because I love answering writing questions :) and good luck on your outline!

#why do i talk so much lmao #is this even helpful??#ask max #Anonymous

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firstavenue7thstentry · 6 years

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Get To Know: Strange Relations

Ahead of Alex Lahey with Strange Relations in the 7th St Entry on August 1, we got to ask Strange Relations a few questions. Read what they had to say below:

Abi Nesbitt: What have you been up to this summer?

Strange Relations: We have been writing a lot and balancing a lot of big life changes. We just bought our first home (which has room for us to set up a rehearsal space and a very low-key recording situation), so that's a whole new world for us. This summer marks 1 year since we switched to two-piece mode (as a drum and bass live outfit), so we're excited to keep writing new material and introducing new and old listeners alike to the new set up and vibe. We're wrapping up the final details on a new EP we're looking to put out soon too! Definitely keeping busy.

AN: Both of you have been releasing music together under Strange Relations since 2013. How does your bedroom demo era compare to where you are now as a band?

SR: We honestly never really had a solid bedroom demo era as a band. We headed into local studios only a few months after forming and writing our first batch of songs because we wanted to hit the ground running. In the past we've suggested we're a "hi-fi bedroom pop" band, but that was meant as a bit of a sarcastic reference to the fact that all bands start out in their bedrooms or practice spaces or what have you and then most elevate the demo to its ultimate release form during the end recording. I still write demos in my bedroom all the time tho, I'm still a Garageband meets Voice Memos kid haha. But as a band... we've grown so much over the years, cycled through different members and traveled a bit and shifted our goals as musicians. I would say that if anyone thinks they know what we're about according to where we were even a year ago, they should check back in and see where we're at now as a two-piece band. One thing we're proud of is never settling and continuing to push ourselves and evolve our sound.

AN: Your subgenre “diary rock” feels spot-on—your sound doesn’t quite fit the typical molds of pop, post-punk, or even shoegaze. Has it been important for you to not lump yourselves within the sounds of others?

SR: I think "diary rock" is just a nod to the personal thrust of our work, especially my lyrics. We've never been very into heavily branding ourselves, for better or worse. I'm just trying to express the truths of my own experience and try to sort through the world as I see it, in a way that hopefully connects to other people. Our name "Strange Relations" was meant to reflect our place and our intention to not subscribe to a particular sound or image even, to try to make it clear from the outset that we're out to blend genres and speak to uncomfortable truths and not allow ourselves to be pigeon-holed. But it's not an act of defiance so much as an honest take on our methodology and perspective; we draw influences from all over and aren't particularly interested in fitting idealized projections, which isn't the easiest way to make an impact as a band these days but is what we set out to do.

AN: What are some art/cultural influences for your music?

SR: We draw a lot of inspiration from music & cinema we love. Our first full-length -Centrism was inspired by one of my favorite films, Water Lilies, by Celine Sciamma; the artwork, in particular, was directly inspired by that work. We drop lyrical or thematic references like little cultural artifacts, and draw from a range of influence, from the Pixies to Heathers (film) to Barbara Kruger & Cindy Sherman (visual artists) to Catholicism. We are also inspired by our friends' passion and work, from the local dance group Kelvin Wailey to local curator/musician Brent Penny (of the queer party series ‘Daddy') to bands like Cayetana, Bad Bad Hats, and JBrekkie.

AN: Editorial You ends with one of my favorite tracks “Long Haul.” What’s the long haul look like for Strange Relations?

SR: Thank you! That song is definitely a rallying cry to stick it out. We are just looking forward to playing more shows, making new friends, connecting with people, and writing & releasing more songs. Maro & I are ride or die, so no matter what fate holds in store for SR, we'll be together playing music, writing, making visual art, putting ourselves and our work out there. And hopefully, we'll be playing many First Ave shows for years to come!

Blog by Abi Nesbitt (Marketing Intern)

#music #first avenue & 7th st entry #first avenue #minneapolis #st. paul #art #twin cities

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vroenis · 4 years

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Notes On A Conditional Form

I need a break from games writing, and I guess playing video games I’m not entirely enjoying. To be fair to the Uncharted series, I was also briefly dipping in and out of Battlefield V and that’s just not been going well for a long time. I’ll just sit quietly and wait for the new maps.

Today’s title is the most obvious and terrible of puns, for which I should be fired. You’re fired from your own journal - pack your shit and get the fuck out, Vee. Fine, I never liked this job anyway. Who am I kidding, I love this job - I’ve been writing consistently again since the 16th of February this year and really enjoying it.

For once I’m going to use something topical as a springboard for today’s discussion, so as I say on Twitter - Saturday is writing day.

The 1975′s new album Notes On A Conditional Form is out now, available on all the usual distribution platforms except for the good one that counts (Bandcamp) so go get it.

I’m just finishing up my first full listen-thru in the studio where I do my writing as I begin typing out this piece - actually Guys has just started up so it’s the final song. It’s the second time I’ve heard this track, the first time was last night when my week ended and I finally got a chance to sit down on the couch in-front of YouTube and the promo was in my recommendations. What an adorable video.

For the duration of this writing session, I’ve queued-up Telefon Tel Aviv because it suits my mood better - NOACF will play after Dreams Are Not Enough and it’ll probably play if I write for long enough.

I joked around on Instagram yesterday that I bought NOACF Friday morning but wouldn’t get a chance to listen to it until today. I could have listened to it during my work day but there’s no way I’d have had my first listen on the shitty UE Booms that have transducers made of stale bread I have at my work-from-home desk, plus I don’t want to have distractions for my first listen - be talking over it while I work and have to stop-start music during teleconferences and video-meetings etc. Friday was a particularly hectic day for me, but even if it wasn’t, the speakers alone are enough of a reason for me to not want to engage in critical listening in my work-space. I can’t use the 535s or 555s even, because constantly swapping from music to teleconference headphones would be a nightmare.

It’s fine - I just have to be patient. At some point you just stop having to listen to everything the minute you get it. Years ago, I absolutely would be slamming tunes as soon as I would download them - or back when we bought CDs from stores, R and I would be in the car, peeling plastic wrap and jamming them into the slot and cruising around having a listen. Even then, tho, I made it a practice of setting aside time for dedicated listening. Music has always been important to me, I don’t know if it’s tied intrinsically to being a musician, I don’t think it is but it could be, hard to tell. For as long as I’ve been recording things onto cassette from the radio and then buying CDs with my own money, I’ve spent time just listening to music - not while reading, not while doing chores or homework or recreational things like building Gundam kits and Lego, play board games or entertaining guests with other people altho it has its place backing all of these things.

I’ve always wanted to spend time having music as the main focus - the specific activity I engaged in.

When I studied Audio Production and Engineering, it was taught as a subject called Active Listening, albeit as a pragmatic subject of analysis both sonically and musically and I still appreciate it being taught this way. It engages students to perceive musical listening as something you should do as a verb the same way that it’s taught in psychology and social studies. While there are some specifics you can probably educate yourself with regards to the physics of audio and music theory, at some point it begins to become about what’s subjectively pleasing to your ear - this much is absolutely also taught - that much about sound is about perception and is subjective, and the industry of music (the actual course is literally called Music Industry: Technical Production) is about honing technical skills and combining them with understanding your own subjective perception and successfully marketing them.

The real art of active listening is simply paying attention - it’s rudimentary - it’s just not being passive. Most folks aren’t participants in their appreciation of music and that’s not a facetious statement - there’s nothing wrong with people who don’t take a greater role in their digest of music in general, it’s perfectly OK because it’s probably not that important to them. The point at which they feel they want more from what they hear is when they need to do something about it, but they don’t owe it to anyone else to do anything before that. You’ll get no soapbox ranting about pop-music from me.

What’s perhaps less OK is if an individual regularly expresses discontent at a generalised lack of quality or availability of good art but does nothing to seek it out. Good art has never been more accessible. “Oh Vee,” I hear you cluck, “Are you here fixin’ to tell me The 1975 is good art? Cos we gonna throw down.” If you disagree then firstly that’s fantastic. I mean, you’re wrong, but I’m happy for you. But also you’re already in a good space to know what you do and don’t like and should already be good and finding good art.

I’m getting distracted again.

As meandering as my writing seems to get, hopefully some of it is still healthily circular in some ways - and coming back to the reasons I’ve stepped back from other platforms and am finding it comforting to write regularly here on tumblr is that observation of the longer form. Here I get to set aside more time and give myself more consideration to a topic. I sit in the studio and get my thoughts out over a few hours, then over the next few days, I revisit and re-read snippets or all of what I’ve read, in part to proof-read and correct it but also to go over the subjects I’ve written about in review. Sometimes reviewing inspires further notes in my phone that may or may not turn into journals in the future, but that doesn’t have to be a thing, I’ve not decided yet, but I’ve long ago abandoned the need for every action to bear fruit; it’s a very capitalist way of thinking, this framing of return on investment, that a thing is only worth doing if it’s profitable in the future. The action often has value then and there, it’s the act of doing it, but there has to be an action beyond just the thought, because if I don’t write it down, I know a day later when I want to summon the thought again because I liked it, it’ll be gone from my brain and I’ll hate myself for not noting it. This is how the brain works - it’s immensely capable and sometimes, when everything is important but there are a lot of things, it can’t keep track of them all so at some point it starts discarding them, especially in the short-term.

I watch a lot of YouTube. I really enjoy Rooster Teeth videos and I’ve had a First subscription for almost two years now. Oddly I still watch almost all their content on YouTube simply because it’s more convenient to do so across all devices, but the point of having a premium subscription for me is to support them as content creators, not to access content earlier or really to access anything exclusive - I’ll be honest, I’m not watching any exclusives at all and couldn’t tell you what that content is. I’m also super glad that they opened up First access free during Covid, so right now you can sign up for First and watch everything thru their web portal and see all that exclusive stuff plus watch everything early and it won’t cost you anything. Yes - part of the point is the marketing benefit that after Covid, they hope you’ll see that First has economic value for you and that you’ll pay for it afterwards, but they transparently, plainly and frequently acknowledge this in their shows which I suspect is more than other companies are doing.

Outside of Rooster Teeth - which do create a lot of content at 30 minutes and above, often 1 hour shows but often 10 to 15 minute episodes, I still do watch a lot of typical 10 to 20 minute YouTube clips, especially after work. My reasons for watching these are probably similar to a lot of people - after an arduous day of office admin, often it’s easier to watch smaller, more easily digested pieces of media instead of material that takes potentially more psychological commitment. How that commitment takes shape is different for everyone - for some people, heavy narrative is more demanding. For me, if you’ve taken any cues about my tastes, you’ve probably figured it’s a little different.

Some of the short clips I watch are video gamers arsing about being funny; a lot of Funhaus (under Rooster Teeth) falls into this category, but a lot of my watching is comprised of Synth Tubers and musicians. There’s some stuff in the periphery - because of Gavin Free’s adjacency in Rooster Teeth, I might watch the occasional SloMo Guys clip that might appear in my recs, as well as the odd 1975 promo because I’m subbed so their single releases appear in my feed and Dirty Hit and adjacent artists will hit my recs too, so again once in a while I might try them to varying success - I bought half of Wolf Alice’s Visions Of A Life but couldn’t bring myself to pay for the full album. Maybe next time.

YouTube is a bit like the thumb, heart and like. It’s the short-term hit, the low-level engagement for my visual and auditory senses. I’m not knocking it, it’s fine. It’s good. It’s not entirely like but not entirely unlike sugar. Does the analogy carry all the way thru to if I consume too much of it, it’ll give my brain virtual brain diabetus? I’m not entirely sure but it could be worth being cautious of. I don’t think that’s a real thing but one thing I certainly have been missing is real cinema, and the other night I finally turned everything off and put on a bluray I’d bought of a film I’d as yet not seen, and was really glad I did;

I don’t often get to watch films that are for me, as egotistical a statement as that might sound. When J is home, I try not to subject her to my film taste, or at least some of the more rigorous sides of it. There’s a decent amount of crossover in our tastes which is plenty fine for us to share, but for some things I’d wait for her to go to bed or be out or away. I’m not sure how she’d take something like The Favourite, there’s a lot to like about the narrative as a whole, but I certainly can understand how people might not like it.

Nevertheless I adored the film, it’s almost perfect for me with the exception of some of the editing - Yorgos Lanthimos edited it himself, it would seem, so that’s ah... a thing. Anyway, alas were I here to discuss the film because it’s an absolute smashing delight.

I really do miss sitting down and just being able to be immersed in good cinema. It isn’t because I don’t want to, either - it really is because I find it so difficult to find film aligned with my tastes. If you want to know what those tastes are, there’s a page full of it, and yes, David Lynch and Terrence Malick are on it so I’m one of thooose people. Whatever, I so don’t fucken care. I’m not a snob, tho - I’ve talked about it before, can’t be arsed digging thru the journals but they only go as far back as Feb so have at it - but I dug the first John Wick, Michael Bay has his place, I mean, he’s a cock, but I respect and admire the cinemacraft - I totally talked about that (maybe I should go find it). I really *really* love action and stunt-craft a lot - there’s a lot of hard work that goes into that - not just sets and props but personnel, stage-craft, lighting, vis-fx and camera. It’s good industry, it looks great and it’s simply fun to watch.

Anyway.

I have action films on bluray, I just don’t talk about them. Instead I keep a list of my weird shit because they get less attention, less money and I feel like they speak more to my experience and there are fewer things in this life that speak to my experience. The list of video games in the journal before this one speak more to my experience, that’s why there’s a list of them. Uncharted speaks infinitely less to my experience, and that’s probably why I hit it with a stick so much, because dear lord jesus fuck look at how much money it gets, and yet look at how poorly the people who made it are being treated and how much fuck-all is being done about it, so fuck that shit, unite and unionise, and support your fucking indies. I’m getting distracted again... it’s not hard to do at the moment...

A dear friend had a birthday recently and they asked for some music - actually let’s roll back. Once our state went into lock-down and we couldn’t go visit one-another, one of my best friends K and I started talking over video-calls instead of our normal phone-calls. We’d normally speak over the phone because we’d see each other when she’d come over and have dinner with J and I, or we’d all have lunch etc. So me being me, there’s no way I’m going to be happy just using my phone - of-course I can run Zoom from my PC and use my webcam, but run all my audio gear thru my interface - meaning a nice condenser mic instead of a shitty phone or hands free, plus all my synths. This is how our video-calls go - I play music for her while we talk. It’s an absolute blast.

On one particular call, she told me the music I was playing at the time would be really great to help her with the work she was doing (also working from home). I was only just playing a Rhodes patch thru the reverb unit with a massive tail but she did have some decent bluetooth headphones on and it sounded great. That weekend, I spent a couple of hours recording a few pieces of simple music, just one instrument and fx direct - no sequencing, straight into audio - lightly normalised - topped and tailed, encoded to mp3 and sent them to her.

I haven’t had a lot of studio time at all over the last two years - J and I have had a really rough year - not with one another, but challenges that we’ve had to face. If you read back thru the journals, you’ll see another one of those which has further flow-on effects for us that we continue to deal with. That’s life. Both she and I have been dealing with these kinds of challenges for most of our lives from a very young age. Sometimes I spend a bit of time noodling, as J calls it, on a piece of gear here and there, and in the past I’ve taken a few bits of gear out of the studio down into the kitchen and recorded videos for Instagram that have been fun - usually for a weekend or week while she’s been out of state with family.

There’s that thing again with only doing things in short bursts and hopefully I’m able to illustrate this pattern of shortness, of us having to live our lives in short bursts. I’m not going to hook it into the evils of YouTube (I like YouTube and use it) or Spotify (I hate Spotify and don’t use it) - as always, these things seem to follow people’s patterns of behaviour rather than shape it - but there are probably some other evils that have shaped our patterns of behaviour and the consumer services have simply followed. Are we being over-worked and is the quality of our life out of balance? Probably. Are we losing touch with a better sense of engagement with one another, activity, focus and art? Very likely. Do we point a furiously waggling finger at Twitter and Facebook and YouTube and yell BAD and run to the hills to farm organic vegetables and hide from 5G (couldn’t help it) for the rest of our days? Not at all because that’s clearly stupid.

I like Twitter. I really like Twitter. I really like YouTube. I really like the Wire and the accessibility and ease it’s brought about. Just because we haven’t quite figured out how best to utilise it doesn’t mean we have to set it on fire and huddle in the dark. I don’t get that approach - we are astonishingly intelligent beings, yet our reaction to not being able to fully process complex things always seems to be SHUN AND RUN. Don’t credit me with that, I’m sure I read it somewhere - I wish Mamoru Oshii’s external memory (or wherever he shoplifted it from) was a real thing and I could check it (NB: I did exactly that, but couldn’t find anything culturally remarkable enough as a source).

Dedicating time to recording those pieces of music for K was really amazing. I just listened back to them and I’m really happy with how they came out. If you ask nicely I might post one of them up here but you’ll have to ask really nice and understand they’re super ambient so they might put you to sleep but that’s one of the desired effects, I guess. Watching The Favourite was amazing, and I have to try to dig out more cinema to dig into. I’m really hoping Ghost of Tsushima reviews well for PS4 because I’m pretty much sold on it - I’d like a game I can play for long periods rather than short bursts because I value enduring video game experiences that aren’t frustrating. And writing here every week has been the most positive step I’ve taken this year, super beneficial and I hope at some point I can get around to discussing some of the other artefacts of art I keep mentioning in greater detail, or at least more about my engagement with them. That list of films has a lot going on in it as far as how it’s influenced my life. I say that it’s listed in no particular order, but Ishikawa’s Tokyo.Sora remains to this day my most favourite film by a long way, no other film has come close, but there are a lot of films that are almost as special and that leave everything else a long way behind. Most of Lynch’s films are pretty special to me, so too most of Oshii’s, but I’d love to talk about why films like Polgar’s Exit and Fliefauf’s Womb are there for their tone and feel more than their content.

I think that’s coming. For the moment I’m still writing as a capture of my mental state in time. Barely anyone uses the term microblogging in reference to Twitter any more but that’s exactly what it is - it’s a granular timecode of people’s pragmatic and emotional reactions to their experience of life - usually too granular to be useful without strange barely accessible tools to process. For me a return to traditional writing has been both immensely useful and satisfying. I enjoy both cataloguing and documentation, but I also love the mechanical process of such. Sitting down and spending time writing has given me perspective on how and when to use a granular tool like Twitter - even for shitposting - and Instagram too, tho shuttering Instagram is still on the cards - and it’s amplifying every activity I dedicate time to.

More and more I’m getting down on the floor with our dogs and playing with them - I did this anyway but I do it more, to bond with them and enjoy a sense of play and place at their level in pack harmony. There’s nothing overly spiritual and wanky about that, they’re just our dogs and we love them, it’s just about understanding canine behaviour and enjoying it.

This isn’t a puff piece about the perfect life, far from it. I’m not just trying to be positive either. There’s still an immense amount of shit happening around me, never you mind. It’s hard to contextualise everything all at the same time, so don’t be tempted to believe I’m here doing a HASHTAG BLESSED post because you can fuck right off. Go back and look at my taste in films damnit and tell me a positivity-only person digs those films get fucked. You wouldn’t know what we’ve been thru and I wouldn’t know what you’ve been thru either. Let us talk about shit sometimes and don’t do that whataboutism shit. You should be more mature than that. If there’s anything granular media has done it’s make you a lazy thinker so shake yourself out of it. You know better. You *know* you know better. Come on.

I might draw some art for you to steal, come back and insert it but I’m happy with ending here.

#Notes On A Conditional Form #NOACF #The 1975 #writing about music #chrono #2020 #Rooster Teeth #youtube #Funhaus #The Favourite #Cinema #work from home #life balance #film #writing about film #writing about writing

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distress · 7 years

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just wrote a huge big post about everything i accomplished today and then tumblr crashed on my phone so here’s a quicker mental health update. imagine more exclamation points tho. my one key is broken

- stayed in bed for a little bit after waking up but not too long.

- called wells fargo to sort out my last paycheck which, for the last three checks, they have put some sort of loss prevention hold on the account. it seems like it could actually be the fault of my employer and their status with wells fargo. my workplace wasnt a bad company but we receive a billion wire transfers and send many etc etc. just lots of buying/selling so i can see i guess the trouble maybe. either way i’ll probably switch banks soon cuz fuck wells fargo. anyway

- drove 20 mins to go to bed bath and beyond which is good oh fuck my tilde key is broken too how am i supposed to express satisfaction???????????????????? anyway i got new bath mats (which i didnt really need but they were on sale and DEFINITELY make my bathroom feel way less grody) and a vacuum cleaner, a super cheap one, but better than not having one at all.

- cleaned up my cat’s litter box closet :** i got a huge kitty litter mat too and set it up properly, vacuumed everything, and hopefully my place will feel generally cleaner now that nasty isnt tracking litter everywhere. and if he does i can vacuum it up

- “beat” witcher 3, as in i’ve finished the main story and almost all the main game’s side quests etc. this has taken me two years but witcher 3 has been the only game i’ve truly enjoyed playing recently. i’m really happy to have gotten back into it, and i bought the dlc. expensive but a good investment to keep me playing something i really like

- on that note i’ve stopped feeling the need to play overwatch. i love overwatch but i did feel like it’s been draining on me and my enjoyment of other games. since i bought it a bit over a year ago i’ve felt like playing it pretty much every day, with maybe a week’s break at most. i’ve played maybe 2-3 times in the past two weeks and it’s hella nice to have a big break. :,) i know i’ll get back into it but i’m happy to leave it for now.

- worked on my embroidery :* it’s looking p nice considering i have almost no embroidery experience. i would love to become skilled at it and sell my work/do custom work.

- i started cleaning my bathroom -- i was kind of inspired by @unfuckyourhabitat ... it seems so obvious but the before/after pictures there helped me feel encouraged. i get overwhelmed trying to do everything, like trying to clean my ENTIRE apartment in one day, so overwhelmed that i often end up doing nothing instead. and although my bathroom isn’t entirely clean yet, it looks SO much better than before. the counter is all clean, and it feels good. and i feel good about stopping even though my whole bathroom isn’t clean, because i still did a lot of work on it

- i showered and exfoliated, and stayed in the shower long enough to really treat my hair w/ my shampoo and stuff. my scalps been fucked from dying my hair, and while i loved having colorful hair i definitely got sick of it and am very happy to be back to black. even now tho my hair is more purpley blue than black. my next dye it’ll probably look a bit more normal-- and i won’t have to bleach anymore.

- i’ve done well isolating myself from the two people i know here well, the two people i talk to here. while i know one is just inherently shitty for me, the other friend i have a hard time accepting that it’s an unhealthy and unstable friendship. but my therapist thinks it is, and i can definitely see why. i think because of my previous emotional abuse, i have a hard time accepting that someone who does treat me very very well can still have flaws and hurt me in ways i shouldn’t let happen, even if it’s far from abuse. i’m also going to start going to therapy weekly for awhile, even if it’s hard and weird for me to find things to talk about.

- and here i am :D despite tumblr mobile deleting this whole post i had already written, i’m also proud of myself for getting on my laptop and rewriting it rather than getting upset it was gone. and i’m proud of myself for feeling proud of the little things today.

#life

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ts-indonesia · 5 years

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Episode 1 - "Time to put on a bra and take some selfies." - Leigh

Episode 1 saw eighteen players, some fresh faces, and some veterans arrive on the Indonesia beaches, ready to play and ready to win. On a somewhat quiet Obor tribe, Leigh/Trent bonded over the age difference on the tribe (with a cunning plan reliant on using the word ‘lit’) and Anabel/Trent begun to form a bond that would survive the test of time.

On the Cahaya tribe, Matt/Jess feared the casting of one another, and Julian arrived plucky and ready to avoid another prejury experience, determined to improve. Owen/Stoner quickly formed HOS 22: Bermuda, and set to work spreading their connections across the tribe, forming at trio with Julian.

After a decisive victory in the Scavenger Hunt, it was revealed the returnees would have to send two returnees to the other tribe as “infiltrators” casting a sole vote. In an attempt to force the result, Julian went “offline”, in an attempt seen-through by his fellow tribe mates, but one that was ultimately successful, with Owen & Julian sent over as infiltrators.

At Obor’s tribal council, Evan quickly emerged as an easy vote, for his minimal challenge contribution. Two key alliances formed, a newbie majority alliance of Trent/Chris O/Leigh/Anabel/Lorelei and a girls’ alliance of Lorelei/Anabel/Leigh, with Anabel armed with an idol to boot.

As expected, Evan was sent out unanimously, but not before Julian trashed on the Cahaya tribe during tribal council... in a tribal seen... by the Cahaya tribe. With Evan out, the torches still inspiring such hate, and the infiltrators returning... that drew round one to a close.

MATT

first confessional give me idol?

also hi Jones

OWEN

okay so im walking onto the boat.... my hair is thinning, my skin is getting wrinkly, im ancient at this point. nonetheless im back for like the sixth time. or seventh, honestly who can keep track anymore. i see these like cute little new people. ANABEL's vid is AMAZING gay icon, lorelei legend likes pokemon mystery dungeon, Leigh is near chicago, like... i literally love all these new players but then i realize NONE OF THEM WILL BE ON MY TRIBE SKADSFJH. instead? im stuck with crazy ppl. there's julian who i voted out premerge in the season I won, and Matt who was in my most recent season nnn but NOT the matt I worked with in that game. and of all people CHRIS STONER LMAO. to be fair, chris isn't that bad bc I know he'll work with me hopefully but also I know he's a good player and wouldn't hesitate to cut me out. thank god olivia and jess are here tbh. omg and just when I thought it couldn't get any worse.....a furry shows up. WHAT THE FUCKKKKKK lmao I remember foxx back from the old old days and he seems scary :(((( good news is julian said him and isaac haven't ever gotten along and that isaac has voted him out twice :') so that might be good. and i'm fairly sure stoner and jess would have my back rn i just need to talk more to them. but for real, as soon as there's a swap or something if I survive that long? bye bye returnees :) i dont see myself getting very attached to anyone at the start so ill just do my best to ride out this beginning and maybe have some fun

LEIGH

I'm looking forward to seeing how long our tribe chat is just "Hey *Tribe Member's Name*!"

I think it could go on a while.

OWEN

chris: ditching u for the other stoner tho chris: tumblr needs an all stoner f2... 7:23 PM me: thats ok im ditching u for the gay girl from the first post me: but for now? u and me <3 7:23 PM chris: deal stoner and I rlly did speak this into existence....... it'll happen

LEIGH

So this tribe has literal children on it. 15, 16 years old. I might have to backstab ACTUAL CHILDREN! How do I even fit in with them? Trent suggested we could buy fidget spinners. I said maybe yoga pants and a crop top? There are people here BORN AFTER 9/11!!! What the fuck I didn't even know you could be born after 9/11 and be out of kindergarten. What year is it?

EVAN

Just met some other castaways, they seem pretty chill.

FOXX

What's up. So this fox has returned after an eternity of a hiatus with more grey in his muzzle and hopefully some self-awareness to go with it. I played some pretty solid games in the past but after taking a long time lurking and sort of forgetting Tumblr Survivor Crooks asked if I wanted to play despite not knowing I have played before. That's how old and irrelevant of a has-been I am. Back from the dead. I'm glad my star has faded and I can go in with a blank slate. My biggest concern is that I am not on my anxiety medication so my social interactions, especially on call, will be a lot more stilted and I'm terrified this will impair my judgment but we'll see. Right now I'm not trying to come off as a huge strategist. I made an intentionally crappy intro video, made fun of myself, and just tried to be funny without coming off too weird/desperate etc. Almost like I'm not taking this too seriously. However, already I'm noticing a patterns in how people on my tribe are. I have no fucking clue who these mammals are. People will have extensive conversations about people, twists, running jokes, etc and I'm totally lost. That hiatus really did fuck with my ability to ingratiate myself with this community. That will be a huuuuge advantage coming to dealing with the newbies since I can leverage that to not seem so threatening but right now I think I'm doing a fair job being friendly and making people laugh. I hope. God. So my thoughts on my tribemates thus far: Stoner: Vaguely know who this guy is. Aptly named. He's clearly blazed as hell but I can tell he's bright and likable. Says "oh shit" a lot and he seems like depsite his facade he's probably someone I can work with. Isaac: We talked about Overwatch a bit and he seems nice but he's not coming on my radar too strong. Jess: Definitely made a fairly strong impression on me since we're similar ages, Francophone, and we bonded over our mutual detest and hatred of furries and then I calmly sneak in the fact I am a furry an hour later and holy shit I was trying so hard to not bust into tears. She's funny and likable and seems like she's someone I could work with. Matt: Talked a bit about me coming back. Very little in group call. Michael: Talked a fair amount about D&D and made some fun Upside Down jokes. Seems like we have a lot in common but him being a different time zone could prove hard to keep up with. Being the outlier on Time Zones is playing on Hard Mode. Olivia: Love her! We bonded over animals and she seems like a total sweetheart and I definitely wanna share pics of my cat with her some more! Owen: We talked a bit about literature and it was fun. Definitely seems intelligent and he's someone I know a bit about from Olympics. In an ideal world I'd want to work with Stoner, Jess, Olivia, & Michael but everything in on fire. Also, no luck on the idol so fuck me I guess

JESS

So... first night has been interesting? I was going to do your typical "first impressions" confessional but... FOXXX or whatever the fury's name is.... is playing too hard too fast. Am I being a Paranoid Patty and reading this the WRONG WAY entirely? Possibly. HOWEVER... It's been less than 5 hours since we were thrown into this hell hole of a game (The hosts are lovely individuals but we all know this is about to get insane) and he's telling me if I want to make a move that he's my guy? Ummm.... WE HAVEN'T EVEN GOTTEN OUR FIRST IMMUNITY YET? I'M NOT THINKING MOVES RIGHT NOW? I BARELY CAN REMEMBER YOUR NAME!

MICHAEL

https://youtu.be/Swisjdq1R4s

OLIVIA

Have I befriended a furry???????? Is this real life????? Is he actually a furry or just really in deep on this joke? Why are there so many Dylans in orgs? Also fucking goddamnit I like EVERYONE HERE I just wanna be friends with all y’all damn. All of the newbies are so adorable and seem so excited and unknowing to the pain that’s gonna come :’) Annabelle especially like my wig flew with that intro! I wanna meet them all. Also wtf is with the torches I WANNA KNOW ALREADY! Anyways that’s all I’m excited for this season. Owen and I renewed the o alliance :-) and Jess seems cool as hell I really clicked with her and the furry. Michael seems sweet and I already know Julian from Mykonos, the absolute crackhead. Real sweetie tho hopefully we’re friends. I hope I’m not coming off as too insane I was so nervous on the phone call with the tribe :( it was so fun but I felt like every time I said something it fell flat I felt so awkward abhhhhhahshsjaj. Anyhoo yay! New season!

Should I write the rest of my confessionals in japanese? Neko. Boom

JESS

So coming into this game with a TS under my belt is different... I still have no expectations whatsoever BUT I do know how HARD people go for in these games and I'm planning to go just as hard. The first night was wild. Everyone on my tribe except for Matt and Julian were lively on the tribe call. Everyone seemed pretty cool and super... out there.. I think Isaac might be the one to watch on my tribe. He's been around the block and knows most people on my tribe (new and old). WHICH IS WHY.. I'm going to try my best and get super close to him. I need to make sure I'm not disposable to these "older players" and as asset to these "newer" players. I just know need to cool my jets on the whole socializing bit in the main chat (Yes I know it's literally day 1). I want to be as irrelevant as possible so no one thinks I'm a threat but no one really wants to get rid of me either. Gotta focus on those INDIVIDUAL RELATIONSHIPS. Hopefully these other players with more TS's under their belts become bigger shields than me because if not... yikes on yikes.

ROB

I like everyone so far. Evan is giving me a few red flags because he’s only giving me one word answers, so i might take that into consideration when voting.

FOXX

We had a very fun group call with the tribe last night. Definitely haven’t laughed that much in a while. Love my tribe thus far so I hope we can keep the good vibes going. Jess & Stoner are people I feel like have talked with me the most Nd Olivia, Owen, & Michael are also friendly so I think I have options. One thing I’ve noticed is how casual and sociable this tribe is. Nothing is more frustrating than a tribe full of overserious gamebots (*cough* Selwyn *cough*) but it’s a group of funny and chill people. It’s gonna be a great game!

OLIVIA

I love these hosts 🙂 HATE the idol system but honestly it doesn’t change much I’ve never gotten an idol before and probably never will so it won’t change my gameplay lmao

I like Isaac a lot too! Forgot to say. But I’m also a little wary of him because I know he’s very experienced

JULIAN

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PKDvx7VxRC8

ANABEL

well. yesterday i found an idol on my second guess. and made two new friends. so yesterday was great. today was bad. i outed myself. my mom heard me tell my eyebrow lady that i was gay. this is a sad confessional and i wish i wasn’t so loud. im real fucking sad. sorry. but at least i have an idol and some friends.

LEIGH

Time to put on a bra and take some selfies.

I'm glad I shaved today for that tattoo selfie.

OLIVIA

There’s an alliance I’m not in isn’t there

Why am I so FUCKING awkward

ANABEL

im so fucking good at survivor like... good lord. trent and i are like best friends already (see, i knew this would happen, i always meet a nice old usually straight man and we become friends, it's like the hallmark of my survivor experiences) and we came up w a plan where i am gonna try and seduce evan and rob and make them my lil minions so im gonna lie to them and tell them that im a cheerleader bc that's hot right?? so ya my womanly charms will be utilized to their fullest potential. go me.

MICHAEL

https://youtu.be/aAqEUHoyy78

LEIGH

Can we talk about how bullshit it is to have "Lipstick in your tribe's color" when we're yellow and they're RED? Honest to god might as well have "Lemon in your tribe's color" to make it fair.

Alex coming in with bold capslock "MAKE SURE EVERYONE ON YOUR TEAM HAS SUBMITTED AT LEAST ONE THING" ... Just DM Evan directly my dude.

OLIVIA

Feeling much better about this game today than I was last night I think I was just spiraling 🥰 we’re doing really well on the challenge and I hope we win!! Two people messaged me saying I’m doing great on the challenge and idk how to respond. Just tryna make sure we don’t lose I will NOT be the first vote out. Newbies go hard on scavenger hunts but I go even harder 😈

LORELEI

Ok so! I'm super bummed that obor lost the challenge, I really thought we would win! Now we have to get rid of someone and it sucks but I feel like we all know who it has to be. It's not even personal, it's just the fairest thing and the best thing for our tribe. Also, alliances are forming! I like Anabel, Leigh and Trent so I'm with them but I'm gonna try to connect with everyone so I'm not on the outskirts. I hope that the boys haven't formed an all boys alliance bc if they have, then the girls could be in danger. That's it for now!

STONER

guess I’ll follow Alex crook’s rules... https://youtu.be/ndsfCdjtcQI

Not much, about to sleep! https://youtu.be/v12a2AbklVw

MICHAEL

https://youtu.be/4inKBNkg87M

JESS

It's 2:30am so WHY NOT post ANOTHER confessional? Am I right? Honestly, we won which I'm BEYOND THANKFUL for. I hate tribal and I can now at least say I wasn't first boot. THANK GAGA. I'm just really trying to solidify things with Michael right now. I think out of everyone on my current tribe I can honestly see myself making a run at this game with him (at least up until merge). I offered him the prospect of sharing idol clues (it's literally the only collateral I have at the moment) so hopefully this doesn't bite me in the fucking ass. Other than Michael I was kind of hoping to somehow get closer to both Julian and Matt (plot twist I know). Matt has hosted me before and it's no secret he is a founding father of the "I Hate Jess" Club. However, these two seem to be the odd men out right now. They aren't overly socializing with people so there's a high chance they'll be taken out if our current tribe loses. HOWEVER.. I see potential numbers in them. So I can't let that happen. As of right now both Foxx and Stoner seem to be the ones to watch out for. I just can't let them think or know... that I know that about them. Stoner gives me mega "I say the same things to everyone" vibes. He's clearly playing a strong social game so far. I just need to play dumb and ensure that he thinks he can control/trust me. Honestly, as soon as he doesn't see value in me I have no doubt he's gonna cut me. Foxx on the other hand, just seems like he's playing too hard. He's another guy who I strongly believe is going to drop me as soon as I have no value to him. I'm just going to have to have to lay low and be dumb. Owen scares me shitless. He's giving me PTSD from my last season because homeboy is playing a strong contender game. He's definitely a pick to win. He's another person who I'm going to have to try and pretend I'm under their spell. Am I playing too hard too fast? I'm not entirely sure. I'm just going to slow my role a bit and see what happens

MATT

What’s Up? WHAT’S UP?!?!?!? how dare you ask me such a ludicrous question. Alright so first real general confessional of the game here. I wanna eventually try and record some video confessionals, but that’s if i have the time. but for today, we’re good with a text. So starting off the game on the Cahaya Tribe, which consists of entirely returnees. So right off the bat it makes nervous bc i’m really not around much in the community. Yeah i’m in a few VL’s and i played once before, but i really don’t know anyone. So being the odd one out for that reason was a real fear for a little bit. Looking at my tribe, there are a few names that stood out the most to me. Owen stood out bc we both played Kuwait, and even tho we never met each other, we still have that little connection. Chris motherfucking Stoner is here too!! Chris is such a chill dude. we played together once before and i voted him out pre swap. But that game was so long ago, and i really don’t think he cares (i know i dont). So i’m looking forward to reconnecting with him. Jess is also here!! Jess and I had met previously because i hosted her in Celestial Komnata, and we had some rough misunderstandings there. But months have passed and I know that I am well over it bc i frankly don’t care. But i feel like she still probably cares which will not be good for me. Michael was the last person that stood out to me. Not because I know him, or know of him. But because he’s the only Non-North American in the cast, which means if i can stay up late and socialize with him, he might favor me over other When i looked at the other tribe, i think the only person i know is Anabel? We played together once, i hosted her, so we have somewhat of a connection that if we swap together, i hope that works in my favor. So on the first night of the game, i was very busy with Celestial All stars premiere, so i didn’t get to talk as much as i would’ve liked. which resulted in me telling jones on call like 5 times that i’m gonna be first boot. But the first night, i talked with everyone (to some degree) except Issac bc i forgot Issac was here. The torch twist thing i have no idea what it’s going to be and it worries me. My first thought is that it somehow would result in a third tribe bc there were six torches. so someone would light a torch and be placed on that tribe. But it’s too early to figure out what they even mean and i’m sure as the game progresses.

LEIGH

Woooo so what's happened. Well, we lost the challenge and it wasn't even close. I haven't looked at the spreadsheet to see the final scores but I feel like Me, Trent, and Anabell did the most work. I talked to a few people last night and put Evan's name out there cuz I know most people are too scared to say a name first and I feel comfortable enough about my position to be the one to say a name that most people should agree with. A mutual alliance formed between me, Chris, Trent, Anabell, and Lorelei. Within it, an all girls 3 alliance formed which I'm super happy to be part of. I'm sure Trent will be paranoid about that sooner or later so hopefully Chris and I can make him feel confident. Trent is sharing idol guesses with me so I'm hoping that means I'm like the closest person to him right now. I like the number of options I have so far.

I feel like Facebook might be falling out of style so maybe these youngin's don't even have it or aren't familiar with Facebook ORGs. The only other people here who know my history as far as I know are Foxx and Chris, and I hope neither of them bring it up. If I can stay UTR that'd be nice. Also, I think I need to stop capitalizing letters/using punctuation if I wanna fit in with these kids. Did I already confessionalize that? Not sure.

Apparently Lorelei missed the HII thing day one haha oh well. I'm compiling guesses from me, Chris, and Trent. Hopefully I'll get them from the girls too. I'm not showing the girls' guesses to Chris though. I don't think he'll be mad at me for it. We gotta play close to the vest sometimes yo

TRENT

So far I think the game is going alright. My tribe is incredibly quiet for some reason but I guess that isn't too bad. I made a connection with Anabel and Leigh pretty early on. Decided to suggestion and alliance and both we in so I added Chris and Lorelei so we had a majority. This is the alliance I wanted from the beginning. I wanted the older people to stick together and then add in one young one. I think it's a pretty solid idea. Ive been messaging both kenny and dylan as well. I don't want an alliance with them, but I would like for them to like me and want me to stay in. I also think im getting along pretty well with the two infiltrators right now. Julian was spilling all kinds of info about his tribe to me this morning and then me and owen connected really well. Hopefully this will help me in the future if there is a split soon.

OLIVIA

Jess was hinting that her, foxx, stoner, and I should get together and I said we’d make a nifty cool group. A NIFTY COOL GROUP WHAT THE FUCK IS A NIFTY COOL OLIVIA

ISAAC

This twist can become SO detrimental. And I’m so MAD Owen went over there first because that bitch is unbelievably charismatic. Hopefully it paints a bigger target on him but like it’s whatever. I like my tribe. We seem chill and I seem to vibe the most with Olivia and Jessica Messica. Foxx is cool. Julian is....Julian ig. Matt has yet to talk to me so that’s a wig ig. Michael seems nice but ngl I get kinda bored when I try to talk to him? He seems very gamebot-y which could be frightening but idk he’s not my biggest problem atm. I’m terrified of Owen - he’s unbelievably charismatic and has the ability to twist people around his finger so like I’m gonna keep my eye on him and I’m not gonna let him out of my sight. With that being said I do wanna see him live for at least a little while for meat-shield purposes. Anyways I hope I do well this game but 👀 I have a sinking feeling.

KENNY

So yeah.. it seemed like a pretty laxxed day and Evan was the vote. How true is that? Idk but I have to trust strangers. But just heard he through my name out like 20 minutes ago, with less than 3 hours to go. So I just hope everyone’s being honest 😭

OWEN

what’s up? Everything :’) I couldn’t help as much in the scav hunt as I liked because I was living my life. But thankfully we won anyways bc my tribe kicked ass! I still contributed some and I made sure to keep talking to people. I still love olivia, and matt has been fun to talk to. Don’t rlly know why but foxx seems hard to get to know. And not big into michael rn either. I think I will stick with Julian and chris, hopefully can pull in jess and olivia to do something if we lose. Chris mentioned that both him and jess DO like foxx so we will see.... The main thing is that this twist worked out perfectly for me!!!! I couldn’t call when we were decided and I REALLY wanted to go. Thankfully I was able to take advantage of the majority vote thing and pretend like I wasn’t online hehe and by some miracle I got picked to go. MEANT TO BEEE and let me say I was right, I do love this tribe so much more than my own for some reason. Trent is great, Annabel and I are talking like I wanted, the Chicago girl and the Pokémon mystery dungeon girl. It’s so good over here, but the biggest surprise has been chris o. I really like him and could see myself working well with him if we swap. The only thing is that Julian said he was sketchy sometimes..... hehe so down the road I might have to tell chris o that Julian is after him :~) but I don’t need to snake too hard yet, for right now I’m a crocodile lookin like a log. Vote should be easy on Evan from what I’ve heard but if it changes? I’ll be living for the drama!

LORELEI

It looks like Evan is the consensus. I feel really bad though because it's not his fault. He tried to plead his case with me by saying that he wasn't the only one that was inactive, but that doesn't change the fact that he contributed the least. I know it's the fair thing to do but I feel bad about it. Voting out people is so not fun, I really hope we win the next challenge so I won't have to do this again.

EVAN

I’m pretty sure I’m fucked. I’ve been trying to get people to vote Kenny but idk fuck

KENNY

“I know I’M voting Evan = I might be voting Evan but I know others are voting you”. Or am I being paranoid

JULIAN

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GaH8l2R-Xt0

MATT

i feel like i did pretty good on the scavenger hunt. i managed to scoop up a bunch of items that were left over and some that were high points. so i do feel good about my performance and think i pulled my weight. Speaking of pulling weight...Julian is...there. I think he only submitted one item which was the Vine. I mean i get you have work and are busy, but like...most of us were the same? even issac who was celebrating his birthday did more. after challenge results we got on call in the tribe chat (olivia, chris, michael, myself). and we were talking about the infiltrator twist and the challenge results. We agreed to have myself and Olivia go, but we needed 5 for a majority. Julian shows up and says he “might wanna go tbh”. and then disappears. We’re on call laughing bc we wanna submit this and not randomize it, so someone who isn’t here gets forced to go. BUT JULIAN won’t talk in tribechat even tho we’re all like, “hey we’ll take turns and you can go next time.”. but no. Julian is only talking in olivia’s pm’s and she’s telling us whatever he’s saying. eventually the hour is up, and julian got randomized to go. that fucker strong armed us into randomizing and he still went god damnit. I think that call was good for my game because we were just chatting for like 1.5 hours about the game stuff and people. After michael/chris left the call it was just Olivia and myself on call and we stayed on for another hour and a half(????? ish??? probably less i can’t remember). But that was a nice call and i think helped start to solidify a bond. Olivia is someone i can see myself working with in this game. Same goes for Michael and Chris. I feel like that call group was pretty natural and we got along really well. I’m too nervous to initiate any kind of alliance talk, but i know it’s gonna have to happen eventually. i’m sure alliances already exist on the tribe and i’m obviously not in them. I think for starters, i need to work on conversations a bit more, because they are somewhat weak right now. My goal for the future is to work on olivia, michael, chris and owen. Those are the people i feel most good about. Foxx is cool but idk it seems hard to gel with them. Julian is cracked and i hope he’s our first boot. and the four of us on call forgot issac was on the tribe so that’s not good for him. i think i’m in a decent position for now, but i’m not gonna count my chickens before they hatch (i think that’s the saying idfk)

#whenyourfiresout

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