#giving up my free time for my pixel boys

[chevvy-yates]

Why I'm so … away lately:

Spending my freet time with my Info PDFs on Vijay and Ryder.

This project is somewhat insane and ate already a lot of free time (doing all the casual outfit shots alone). I know I do not need to present it in this way, but as the graphic designer who I am, I enjoy doing this way too much! I just love to create layouts and in this way I also make use of my own VP pics as well in a secondary usage. It is something I cannot life out in my daily job. I've always wanted to create some sort of a guideline. And my ocs are just perfect for that. I wanna do Thyjs and Jaysen as well ofc but I won't start with them for a while. Ry and V need to be done first, then I 'll look into other priorities (e.g. roleplay story -> + turn it into fanfic, get more creative in VP, help some modders maybe) for a while and then I go back to getting this done for Thyjs and Jaysen as well. <3

So what about these documents?

of all they provide some huge help for me to have the best overview possible on their main mods and clothes I use for them. Once this is done, I can just open the PDFs and click onto the links that bring me to the mod page of a specific mod. I've been asked a few times what I used so this will help me find it within no time. Searching on nexus is sometimes a whole pain for me when you do not know the title of the mods. And I don't want to keep everything in "tracked mods" either except for the core mods such as CET, archive XL etc. needed for the game.

it hopefully does a good service to the lovely @gloryride who's going to turn both, Vijay and Ryder, into NPVs soon <3 I want her to have it as easy as I can make it (hopefully it works how I imagined it). So she's got everything neately sorted to look up in lists — especially for the outfits I want to include — even though I'm going to send over all the needed stuff. But if there's need to look it up you can just simply klick on the link that brings you to the nexus page that has the usual additional info, original mods (since my are renamed with prefixes) and who it belongs to.

it also will serve for everyone who wants to take pics of my boys in the future. Because I do love to share them and I wanna see how they look through other VPer's eyes! Therefore I added a short backstory, character dates and inspiration, likes and dislikes so you can imagine them better plus every up to this date outfit I've got for them so far. A bunch of outfits will be included to their NPVs but not all since both have already something between 15-20 outfits and some mods require permission for NPV (it takes ags for me to ask permission). I assume people love more to take pics with NPV rather than having to install all their mods (tho Ry's and V's are okayish; Thyjs on the contrary has like approx. 50 main mods alone lol) but I'll still provide both once I'm done. Dunno how often I'll update these docs since there will always be new outfits for them.

If you read all through to the bottom: please feel free to send me a dm or write me on discord if you think about wanting to VP my boys some day! <3 Once I'm done and NPVs are there I'm more than happy to share.

Once this massive main project of mine is done for the time being, I may reach out to some of you in the future asking if I can VP your ocs as well and I'm always happy to see my ocs making new friends too! I'm just very bad at doing all at once, so I never came around asking – I need to finish one thing first, before I can take on antoher or I'll get completely lost, :,D I've already got a list of stuff I have to/wanna do. So everything I've promised some time back will be still done at some point!

Thanks for reading <3

[okiedokrie]

High Infidelity

Summary: There are many different ways that you could kill the one you love, the slowest way is never loving them enough. So what happens when you find someone who was all too willing to give you thee attention you craved, you said you'd only dip your toes into the idea, and yet, you find yourself already drowning. The novel you've been writing has been in progress for the better half of two years now, your writer's block beating you up, and your husband hasn't shown you any sympathy. Maybe a visit to the art exhibit from this new artist would jog your creativity, but what happens when this new artist offers you more than just relief from your writer's block?

Characters/Pairing(s): Xu Minghao (The8) x F!Reader

Genre: Smut, Angst, Fluff

AUs/Trope info: Non-idol!AU, Aged-Up!AU, Right Person (not) Too Late

Word Count: 10.6k

Warnings: Infidelity, very inappropriate conversations with a married woman, afab!reader, wears dresses, lmk if i miss something!! (Smut warnings under the cut)

Rating: 18+

A/N: banner and dividers by @daemour!! tysm!! This is also a rewrite/reupload of my own fic, "High Infidelity" on @pyeonghongrie, yes I reskinned my own fic.

A/N 2: Thanks to @nebulousbrainsoup, @kwanisms, @the-boy-meets-evil, @wooahaeproductions, and @gongiz for beta-reading!

Smut Warnings: tipsy sex (not drunk), vaginal sex, unprotected sex, creampie, nipple stimulation, masturbation, lmk if i missed anything!

The rain soaked into your skin—cold and icy—piercing you painfully. All your personal belongings were strewn all around you, and your soon-to-be ex-husband was angrily slamming the door shut, but you couldn't help but feel relieved.

After all, you were finally free.

"I'm right here, honey, I love you." He whispers into your skin, slowly unbuttoning your shirt, one button at a time. He kisses your skin every time new skin is revealed to both of you, he kisses your skin so delicately as if you'd break at the slightest touch-

"Y/N, you still haven't dealt with the dishes yet." Your husband, Haru, said monotonously just as you were starting to gain momentum in your writing.

You groan, the interruption making you lose focus and motivation to write. You stare at the last word on your document, gaze burning into each pixel as if hoping that this piece would write itself.

Unfortunately, life said, "Fuck you."

With another groan, you rub and pinch the bridge of your nose, a headache starting to settle in as your husband returns to work as if he didn't just cause you a serious inconvenience.

Standing from your comfortable computer chair, you take calm and even strides toward your kitchen, where only a handful of dishes are left in the sink.

And this little shit didn't even bother washing like, what? 8 dishes? He has to be kidding me, men.

You thought to yourself, your inner monologue only making you more irritated. But you wash them in silence, thinking of ways to calm down and clear your head so you have a clean slate to work with to get inspired again.

I think I should visit the gallery again, there's this new artist that I've been following. He's getting pretty popular, maybe I could draw inspiration from his work?

You think maybe this is the best idea you've had since you put bacon bits on mac & cheese.

Taking the time to visit this gorgeous gallery was the correct move.

Xu Minghao is a passionate man, you can see his dedication to his craft in all the pieces in this gallery. He was a mixed media artist, sometimes his work was pops of color on a canvas, others were sculptures made of clay, made with the most delicate of hands, and others were more niche, like the stained glass piece in another part of the gallery.

One thing about Minghao's work is that his subjects are also subjects of passion.

Paintings of a man's devotion to worshiping his lover's skin, a stained glass recreation of The Birth of Venus by Botticelli, and his latest masterpiece, simply titled "Passion", a sculpture of a woman in the throes of pleasure, with her lover holding her close to him, no gap between their skin, eternally locked in a passionate embrace.

As a romance writer, this is exactly what you need.

You take in this sculpture, the light of the gallery display emphasizing the delicate attention to detail this piece had, you know the man who made this takes pride in this, his work, skills, and dedication finally being realized.

You stare in awe at this piece for a little over 20 minutes, the more you look at it, the more entranced you become of the mastery of this craft.

You feel a presence beside you, a man around 5'11", slightly muscular build, in a turtleneck with glasses sitting delicately on his nose. He has a peculiar hairstyle, a mullet to be exact, and the most gorgeous face you've ever laid your eyes on.

"I see you like this piece in particular," He started, hands in his trouser pockets while smiling fondly at the piece, "'Passion' was a difficult piece for me to finish, ironically enough, I got bored of it quite easily." He continues, turning to face you.

"I'm Minghao, by the way, Xu Minghao. If you haven't already figured it out." He takes a hand out of his pocket, extending it towards you.

"Oh, I'm Y/N, Park Y/N. It's a pleasure to meet you, Minghao. Your exhibit is astounding, I love your dedication to your work." You take his hand to shake it,

He chuckles at the compliment, "Oh please, save your praise, I know that name from anywhere. I love your latest work, that book was what inspired this entire collection, to begin with."

You gawk at him, oh my god, he reads smut. My smut.

"Oh my, what an honor! I'm glad you also enjoy my work." You receive the compliment gracefully, "Although, I do want to hear more about why you got bored of this piece in particular, such a wonder to the arts community, surely you aren't downplaying your work?"

He smiles, perfect teeth on display, you swear you���ve never looked at a man like this in your life. You were down bad for his smile.

"I'm not saying I think it's bad, I just got bored of the creative process." He explains, "Although I do want to continue adding to this collection, perhaps we can go and get drinks together? Exchange ideas?" he offers.

You ponder on this for a bit. Going out to drinks with a budding friend wouldn't hurt, right?

"Could I give you my number? Let's set aside a day to chat. I have to get home to my husband before it gets too late."

A smirk came into his face, something dark about a seemingly insignificant change in his expression, “Of course, I look forward to our time together.”

The mug in your hands warmed your palms, and your focus was fixated on the man in front of you. He talked about another piece of his, titled “Longing”; it was heavily inspired by his desire to find someone who shares the same passion as him, the longing to hold someone in a way that nobody else could, intimacy in its purest form.

“It sounds a bit pathetic, I’m known for my work in the art of passion and, to put it simply, sex; but I haven’t been able to find the company of a lover myself. Perhaps that’s just the consequence of being a hopeless romantic. Then again, you wouldn’t know the feeling of being lonely, I assume.” He said calmly, a small chuckle ending his tangent.

“Oh I wouldn’t say that,” You look into the mug in your hands, your reflection swirling in the tea. Your face looks back at you, eyes sunken in and sad, “To put it nicely… my husband robs me of solitude, but fails to offer me company.” You shouldn’t be talking about Haru like this. Your husband works many hours, tirelessly providing you with the house and connections for you to pursue a career in writing. But that wasn’t the reason why your anxiety was swirling in your stomach.

Looking back up at Minghao, the same dark expression sits on his face, a minuscule smirk, barely there even if you squint, “Well, we’re friends now, aren’t we? I could keep you company.”

That. That was a quality of his that you noticed fairly early on. You can never read his true intentions, suggestive prose with just enough deniability to gracefully reject him without the conversation becoming inappropriate.

But your anxiety wasn’t caused by that, no, it was caused by the fact that you didn’t want to reject him.

“I’d like that, Maybe we could head to a bar and get drinks there too? My husband won’t be back for a few months because of a business trip in a few weeks. I could use the company.” You say, looking at him through your lashes; he knows his effect on you, and the mental gymnastics that both of you play over the table was just appropriate enough that to anyone listening, it’s just two friends agreeing to get drinks sometime in the future.

But to both of you, well, only the two of you know what’ll happen once the sun goes down.

“Of course, my schedule is free for the rest of the month. Be sure to think of me if you need company.” He offers you a soft smile, directly contrasting how intensely he’s making eye contact with you. The way he’s looking into your eyes makes you feel vulnerable like he’s directly using them as windows into your head. You’re half-convinced he could read your mind, if he could, he’s a master at hiding it.

You haven’t learned much about him, but from what you do know, you can never take his words at surface level, much less his actions. The way he’s leaning over the table, elbows on the surface, and his shoulders relaxed. His closing the distance, even if just by a hair, and the way his posture suggested the epitome of familiarity, shook you to your core.

His presence is almost suffocating, his dominance over your mind silencing whatever protest his suggestions may have created. You nod dumbly, “Of course, be warned though, I think of you a lot.” This causes his smile to relax into a smirk, the kind that could pass off as a smile if you don’t think too hard about it.

“I’m glad to hear that. I think about you a lot too.” He says picking up his cup of tea, “So much that a collection was born from the thought of you.” He takes a sip from the cup in his hands, eyes meeting yours over the rim of the cup, the way he holds eye contact with you always makes goosebumps litter your skin, the cup hiding the growing smirk on his face, silently enjoying his effect on you.

“Ah, speaking of the collection,” He started again, after setting the cup down, “Would you do me the honor of visiting my studio sometime? I’ll text you the address right now, you can come by at any time if you’re interested.” Taking his phone out from his pocket, feeling your phone vibrate in your pocket, you pick it up. The small device, usually light, feels like a heavy weight on your palm.

Opening your messages, you see that Minghao already sent the address, a building about 20 minutes from the cafe you’re in right now. “Lovely, could I trouble you to pick me up when I decide to visit?” You ask,

“Of course,” He replies, a gentle smile stretches across his face, “I’d love nothing more than to see you more often.”

The first time you entered Minghao’s studio, it felt like a dream. The studio wasn’t small by any means, the place was neat, neater than what you imagined any artist studio would look like. “Make yourself at home, I’ll brew some tea for us,” Minghao said as he took both your coats. Hanging the heavy fabrics on his coat rack, he gently guides you to the couches with a hand on your back, the light touch helping to ground you in this new environment.

He shoots you a quick smile before turning his back to you, setting his electric kettle to boil the water at the perfect temperature for tea. He rummages through his extensive tea set collection, settling on a simple white ceramic set with wooden handles. His eyes meet yours briefly, taking note of how you watch his every movement with care and curiosity, the way you were fascinated with the way his hand veins jumped every time he set a piece of the tea set down.

The kettle finishes boiling, he finally sets it down next to the tea set. “I want to introduce you to this teacake that my friend from home sent me,” He pulls out a teacake about the size of his head from the drawer under the table, wrapped in a slightly stained paper. He carefully unwraps it to show you the rich brown of the aged tea leaves, “This is a 15-year-old aged pu’er, I haven’t had the chance to try it yet, so I’d like to try this with you.”

“What an honor, I read from a recent interview that you were waiting for a good day to taste that right?” You ask, trying to gauge his reaction, if he’s surprised, he doesn’t show it,

“Of course, making a new friend is a special occasion, isn’t it? I’d consider that a good day.” He replies cooly, taking a tea knife and carving out a piece of tea to steep for a second, you watch as he delicately handles the porcelain set, the control in his movements reminding you of his mastery in sculpting, “You know, making tea is much like cultivating a new relationship,” he starts as he stands up to take the kettle off the stand.

“You carefully carve out your leaves, boil your water to the perfect temperature to bloom them, and steep the leaves a few seconds at a time.” You see him pour the water over the tea leaves, dried blades blooming like flowers under the delicate stream. “Each steep of tea is different, starting from the bloom until the flavor develops; and only then will you appreciate the true complexities of what tea has to offer.”

A small smile grows on your face as you watch him pour the first bloom onto his tea pets, “If my assessment is correct, you’re trying to correlate the developing flavors of tea with how our relationship is progressing?” He nods, confirming your hypothesis, “Then, I’ll ask you a question, which steep are we on?” you say with a cheeky smile.

Minhao grins at this, eyes almost disappearing with how wide his smile was, “Literally? The second steep.” He says as he pours more water over the leaves, you let out a chuckle at his little joke, “Figuratively? The fifth.”

You tilt your head a bit, “The fifth? I didn’t realize we were already at that stage.” you say as you accept his offer of a teacup.

He chuckles, “Well, I don’t just share my most expensive teas with anyone, so I might as well share it with one of the most brilliant minds I know.” he said while bringing the cup to his lips, sipping the drink carefully while making eye contact with you over the rim, winking playfully.

You raise your cup as well, the rising steam not being the only reason for your flushed face, you grin against the rim of your cup, savoring the rich and deep aroma of the high-quality tea.

After a while of banter and small talk, you finish your tea, setting down your cup gently on his expensive-feeling coffee table, he stands from his seat, “Could I show you something?” he said, holding his hand out to you. You place your palm on his, the warmth from his hand seeping into your skin. The touch was negligible, simple, even, but the contact with his skin sent electricity through you, like a violent jolt of excitement.

Minghao notices this and smirks, feeling pride swell up in his chest as he pulls you up from the couch, leading you to the other side of the room with a hand on the small of your back. He finally stops in front of a large canvas, laid across what looks like a bare-bones bed frame. You turn to him, curiosity growing on the expression of your face.

“What’s this? This looks fairly new, the paint on the frame still seems wet.” You ask, eyes raking over the splotches of color seemingly placed without much thought or care, it looked like the aftermath of a messy and angry paint spill.

“It is new,” Minghao starts, “I’m trying a new technique where I release frustrations by getting whatever paint catches my eye and throwing cups of it without much thought.” He shrugs, nothing particularly of note, but you do notice the amount of emotion that is in the piece.

“It’s not an elegant piece, but for a collection centered around passion I find it missing raw emotion.” He runs his hand through his face, frustration taking over his features, something you noticed early on was his emotions were closely tied to whatever art was around him, it seems as though the frustration in this one was affecting him at this moment.

“Yes, the human form and sex are great subjects, but pure, raw emotion is hard to capture.” He mumbled, eyebrows furrowing. “So, that’s why I invited you here. Tell me, as someone who’s written longing, despair, and everything in between. How does this make you feel?”

You pause and take in his words, turning back to the canvas and trying to soak in the colors, the shapes, and the emotion behind this piece. Yes, frustration is here. Yes, anger is here. But how does it make you feel?

“It makes me feel like I’m missing out on something.” You say simply, your stomach sinking just thinking about what that might entail. Minghao has a genuine look of shock for the first time since you’ve met him. His head tilted to give his attention to you fully.

“Really? Interesting. That’s the first time I heard that about this piece specifically.” He said with a lopsided grin, seemingly getting a new stroke of genius with your answer. He looks back at the canvas too, shoulders shaking from his restricted laughs. Your answer seemed to entertain him a lot. That much you can figure out, but you can never be sure what goes on in the mind of Xu Minghao.

Just then, your phone starts to ring, you only know one person who would call you at this hour—your Husband. You watch as the expression on Minghao’s face falls, face contorting into something short of a scowl for a split second before settling on his usual cool neutral expression. It was so quick that you barely missed the change, it happened so quickly that you decided it was all in your imagination as you ran to answer the phone.

You pick up the phone, “Hi honey-” You were cut off by your husband speaking,

“Get home, it’s getting late and you haven’t started dinner yet.” He said simply, before promptly dropping the call.

You stand there, the line going dead as you try to hold back tears. You take a deep breath, too afraid to show your face to Minghao in case tears were about to fall from your face. Grabbing your coat, you turn to face the door.

“Thank you for inviting me over, I have to get home now,” you said, your voice a little shaky, as you roughly opened the door.

You were out of his sight as Minghao stood alone in his studio, pondering. As silence took over the space, a dark smirk on his face.

'How long before you break?' he wonders.

The next time you and Minghao meet, you’re sitting on a park bench watching the autumn leaves dance to the silent song in the wind. You’re pulled out of your thoughts when you hear leaves crunch beside you, seeing the tail of Minghao’s long coat swaying in the wind.

He sees you, a smile spreading across his face, his long hair almost covering his face. His fast-paced walking makes the leaves crunch under his weight rhythmically. You think that he looks beautiful under the soft brightness of the autumn morning, only ever seeing him in the harsh rays of high noon or the constant humming of fluorescent lights.

You feel the heat radiating off his body through your and his coats as he sits next to you on the park bench. “Beautiful morning, the view is exquisite.” He says, looking directly at you. You giggle at this, he’s always been such a charmer ever since you met him. You peel the notebook from your lap, “I’m no artist, but the park is too gorgeous this time of year to not at least try to capture on paper.” you say as you open it to show him a relatively crude sketch of the scenery.

“Oh? This feels like a threat to my career.” He says with a chuckle, “But, genuinely, this is an amazing sketch. Are you sure you aren’t an artist?” You think you could get used to how relaxed you were around Minghao, conversations with him flowed so easily, it reminds you of the times your husband used to be invested in you as a person. Perhaps it was easier to compare the thrill of meeting a new person with feeling the start of a romantic spark, it was a dangerous game to play with him.

“No, I’m not, but I can appreciate a masterpiece when I see one.” You say, this time looking at him. He notices this and laughs at the fact that his joke is being used against him. He closes the notebook, handing it to you to put in your tote bag.

“The weather is perfect for a walk, care to join me?” He said, offering his hand for you to take. You accept the offer, the warmth of his palm being something to ground you on such a dreamy morning. Leaves crunch under both your weights in synch, your hand moves from his to hold onto his arm, and you try not to notice the lean muscle of it or the steady and secure way he guides you through the path.

You breathe in the autumn chill, enjoying the comfortable silence that followed the quiet whistle of the wind. “Your book,” Minghao said, his silky voice cutting through the silence effortlessly, “The one that inspired the collection, I’ve been following your publisher’s updates on the series, and I was wondering if you'd be able to share your progress on the second book?”

“Ah, about that.” You grimace, and you shake your head, quelling the urge to complain about your husband’s lack of sympathy for your predicament. “Maybe I’ll tell you another time, it’s not something I can talk about at the moment.”

He hums, luckily, Minghao was never the type to pry, “I get it, ever the tortured poet you are.” he said in a joking tone, you let out a chortle at this, agreeing that you may or may not be one.

Both of you are stopped by a flower vendor, “You both are a lovely pair,” The old man starts, as he turns to Minghao, he asks, “Could I interest you in some flowers? I’m sure your lady would appreciate them.” He smiles.

Before you can correct the old man, Minghao speaks up, “Of course, could I take three of these?” He said, pointing at the basket of Jonquils.

“Of course, you’re in luck too, these are the last off-season flowers I had in my greenhouse.” the old man said as his nimble fingers wrapped the flowers in some yellow tissue paper.

“I'm really lucky indeed.” He agreed while looking at you, your cheeks warming up at the implication. Minghao accepts the flowers and happily pays for them, gracefully handing the bundle to you.

Holding onto the stems, your fingertips graze over the delicate petals of the bright yellow flowers. “Thank you Minghao, they're beautiful.”

He smiles at the way you look at the flowers fondly, simply adoring the way your face lit up; literally, the yellow from the flowers reflected off your face and gave it a yellow hue.

“Shall we continue to walk?” He asks, offering his arm for you to hold again, you hold onto it, the flowers in your other hand. And you let the silence take over again.

Before you knew it, you've spent the entire day laughing and talking with Minghao, only stopping at several vendors for food and other trinkets, feeding the ducks berries, and watching the fish in the pond.

But the day has to end at some point.

You regretfully leave Minghao at the train station, waving goodbye through the glass of the train doors as you watch his figure get smaller and smaller.

Arriving home, you try to find a vase to put your flowers in, setting it down on the kitchen counter, your husband walks in and sees them.

“They're ugly, don't put them anywhere where I could see them.”

He said coldly, you try your best not to scoff at him, still searching for a vacant vase.

Finally finding one, you decide to place the flower vase on the windowsill of your office, the bright flowers contrasting everything else in the room, the dark and neutral furniture your husband got for you.

You jolt, realizing you're comparing your husband to another man.

You expected guilt to eat you up at the realization, but really, you couldn't find a reason to keep defending Haru.

“Could you come over to the studio later tonight? I don't think I should be alone.”

This text from Minghao worried you a bit, you've been spending a lot of time with him recently, you met him 6 more times after he got you flowers at the park, and you never noticed that he could deal with something so sinister.

Of course, you agree to come, your closest confidant in your adult life needs you right now. You wait for your husband to fall asleep in his office, again, before you leave the house, walking to the end of the block before calling a cab.

Arriving at his studio, you already knew the code, punching in the numbers 150526 on the smart lock, the studio opens with a click.

You take cautious steps into the studio, seeing the silhouette of a man on the couch, his back towards the door, nursing what you assume is a wine glass in his hand.

He turns his head to face the door, “You came.” He said, with relief in his voice, a little slurred from the alcohol you assume.

“You called.” You replied. Shrugging off your coat to hang, you join him on the couch. He looked a lot more disheveled compared to the usual clean and put-together Minghao that you know.

His hair is slicked back, some pieces of hair falling onto his face, his tie loosened, his shirt unbuttoned to reveal his collarbones and the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. And glasses resting lowly on his nose.

You look at his face, and you notice dark circles around his eyes.

“Drink, and stay with me. Please.” He asks, no, almost begs you. You don't have the heart to decline. He pours you your glass and you both toast your glasses together.

You take the normal sip and he downs the rest of his, taking in a deep breath as if to steady himself. “Y/N, there's something I need to tell you.”

Your stomach drops at this, anxiety filling the pit of it as you nervously wait for the rest of what he has to say.

“I think I'm in love with-” he pauses, “someone I shouldn't be in love with.” He finishes, leaning forward to pour himself another glass of wine.

Your face falls only slightly, a minuscule change in expression that neither you nor Minghao catch. You cross your hands over your lap as soon as you realize your silence.

“Why can't you be in love with them?” You ask. Your head tilts as you take another sip of your wine. He hums, a smile graces his lips, but it doesn't seem to reach his eyes.

“They refuse to be vulnerable with me, opening up throughout our time together then closing back in the next time I see them.” He says with some fondness, “Also, they're married to someone else.”

“You probably should've led with that.” You mumble lowly, “I see, I know that all too well, wanting someone you can't have, someone so close yet so far. It's suffocating, especially when you haven't felt like yourself in so long, and then this person comes around and gives color back to your sad, gray, life. It's cruel, actually.”

You realize you've been rambling, turning to meet Minghao's eyes, you notice an emotion swirling behind them, something bittersweet, a realization that may change the course of your relationship.

“Anyway, how did you end up falling for them in the first place?” You ask in an attempt to bring the conversation back to him,

“Well, at first it was just a cure for boredom, I saw how receptive they were to my advances and I thought their marriage served as a fun, harmless challenge for me. But I got to know them, spend time with them, I got to witness the color come back into their face and I couldn't help but find it beautiful. That fact that I did that, bring color back into their face, slowly becoming someone again. The moment I saw their face light up with a simple gift I knew I was down, down bad.”

You hum, thinking the person Minghao was talking about is one of the luckiest people in the world right now. To be loved by him was like witnessing Orpheus’ choiceless grief that drove him to save his lover from the underworld, it was like feeling the devotee's dread-filled need to turn around, it was like experiencing the immediate forgiveness of Eurydice.

You wanted to be loved by him.

You both continue to chat and drink, and it isn't long before the two of you finish your second bottle of wine, Minghao offers to pay for your cab home, and he decides he's going to sleep in his studio.

You reflect on the events of that night as you slip into the cold covers of your marital bed, your husband’s side tidy as it was for the past month.

You run your hand over the pristine and cold sheet, imagining someone else filling its space on your bed, as he does your heart.

Minghao added a new piece to his collection, his gallery is still a work in progress and you walk through familiar doors. The very same statue you were entranced by still sits by the entrance, and you see a very familiar figure standing in front of it.

“I feel like this already happened before.” You said cheekily, he snorts at this, handing you a paper bag with tissue paper peeking from the top.

“Maybe this happened before in a dream, maybe we were destined to meet under the judgemental fluorescent lights.” He jokes as you feel the weight of the bag on your fingers.

“What's in the bag, Hao?” You ask cautiously, mischief flashing on his face before he fully turns his body to you, giving you his full attention.

“It's something you might like, maybe.” He said, his confidence faltering toward the end of his sentence. Tucking his hands into his trouser pockets, he eagerly waits for you to open the semi-heavy bag.

You carefully move the paper to the side of the bag, seeing white porcelain peaking back at you, you whip your head with with your face showing an expression of surprise. Minghao smiles, enjoying your reaction to his gift.

“You got me a tea set? That's so thoughtful, thank you.” You say with a smile, inspecting the frog patterns in the glaze.

“You mentioned your husband is leaving for a business trip soon, so I figured you'd like a set so we can have tea at your place. I'll even bring you a teacake to keep.” He said as he pulled a hand out of his trousers, fixing a stray hair that fell from your up-do.

“It's perfect, thank you.” You said, looking up at him, a smile still on your face.

“Do you want to walk around the gallery with me? I added a few pieces since then, and I'd like to talk about them.” he said, offering his arm. You wrap another hand around him, the familiarity of his arm under your palm giving you a sense of calm.

You spent the rest of the day walking around the gallery and chatting, other gallery-goers openly gawked at Minghao. It was obvious, really, the artist is here in the flesh, and he's gorgeous.

Minghao stopped to entertain other guests too, seeing him in his element made pride swell in your chest. His work, and by extension him, is finally being recognized by more people in the community. His hard work and dedication paid off handsomely.

Stopping in front of a mural, you noticed it was a replica of a really old painting. A painting of Ares and Aphrodite getting caught by Hephestus.

“Oof, poor bastards.” You joke, Minghao found this funny too, chuckling with you.

“It’s almost comical how this painting compelled me. I don't know what drove me to recreate the thing as a whole mural, but we both know I'm a little crazy.” He says with a playful groan, you try to hold back a loud laugh by giggling into your palm.

“Well, dear Xu Minghao, everyone knows crazy people are geniuses.” squeezing his arm, you check out the side of his face. His side profile was so sharp and soft at the same time, the dichotomy of his features was an easy subject to study. He's a gorgeous man, too gorgeous for his own good you think.

You both sat down on the bench in front of the mural to chat, and before you knew it, enough time has passed that the gallery was about to close.

Minghao calls a cab for you, and you arrive home in-tact, but not safe.

“Y/n, where have you been running off to these past few weeks?” Your husband questioned you as soon as you entered your home. Your mood instantly dropped, feeling the weight of your actions all at once.

“I'm hanging out with a friend, and it's really not that deep. It's not like I've neglected house work at all. So you should have a reason to care.” You snap back, a little too much for such a simple query. Your husband rises from his seat, cupping your face with a gentle hand for the first time in a long time.

“You’re my wife, of course it's my concern.” He said, just as he was about to make you fall for him again, he said, “We haven't been intimate in a long time, I'm leaving in a few days, so I want to make love to you before I go.”

Ah, there it was. He only ever shows affection for you when he's asking for sex nowadays.

You nod, what followed was unfulfilling and unsatisfying sex. Missionary, a few pumps just to get him off, and he didn't even kiss you.

And obviously, he didn't make you cum.

Your husband is fast asleep in your bed for the first time in months, and yet you can't find it in yourself to be happy about it.

You take out your trusty friend, egg.

The jolts to life with steady vibrations as you press the toy to your clit, relaxing into the sheets as you imagine a pair of calloused hands roaming the plane of your skin.

Controlled pressure and technique only a sculptor could have, his hair falling over his face, and his eyes holding you gaze as if you gave him everything he could ever want by simply existing.

He looks at you like you hung each star in the sky just for him, just so he could watch your skin bathed in moonlight, twinkling like the most precious diamond he could ever have.

This man isn't your husband, It was Minghao.

Your orgasm came unexpectedly, the realization that you were fantasizing about him snapped you back into reality so violently that you ruined your own orgasm.

You huff as you tuck the toy back into its drawer, pulling up the covers to try and sleep off the guilt.

Your husband left for his business trip a few days ago, and you made preparations for your first guest in a while. You finally set up the tea set when you heard a knock at your door, springing up, you head towards the door to look through the peephole, you see Minghao dressed a little more casually, a cap on his head and a bouquet of flowers in his hand.

You swiftly unlock the door for him, he smiles upon seeing you, tipping his cap, he says, “Good evening, it's a pleasure to finally be invited into your home.” You greet him back, stepping to the side to let him enter. As he does, he takes his cap off to let his hair fall onto his face again.

He offers you the flowers and you take them, “I'll go find a vase for these, make yourself at home, dinner is still cooking in the oven.” You said as you turned back to find another vase.

After finding one and setting the flowers in your office again, you find Minghao setting a record on your turntable, a slow tune plays through the air, instantly making the room feel calmer and homey.

“I didn't pin you as the type to have such an extensive vinyl collection, you have good taste too.” He said, swaying to the music by shifting his weight from one leg to another.

“I didn't feel the need to mention it considering I haven't touched those in a while. My husband hates them.” You say solemnly.

“Well, he isn't here now. Let's enjoy the music,” he said, holding his hand out for you to take, “Dance with me?”

You smile as you take his hand, he suddenly pulls you towards him and you land on his chest, his arms wrapping around you securely as you sway to the calm of the music.

You think to yourself, This is nice, this is safe. I wonder if this is what it feels like to be married to Minghao instead.

You turn your head and press your ear to his chest, hear him breathe slowly, his heart beating rhythmically. This is the first time you were ever this close to him, practically holding him in a loving embrace.

His woody cologne almost distracts you, so seductive and masculine and you almost reach up to cup his face, to kiss him. Before you realize that he isn't your husband.

You're both snapped out of your little bubble when the oven dings, signaling that dinner is ready. You break away from him, already missing his warmth as you set the dining table, one that hasn't been used in a while.

You eat dinner with him, talking about your days and how work has been. It's a welcome change of pace from your husband’s tolerance of your presence. You didn't have to beg Minghao for footnotes on his life, you didn't feel like you're taking up too much of his space or time.

It's safe, secure. It feels like you're being celebrated for existing.

You dwell on this feeling long after Minghao heads home, your stomach and heart full. As you slip into the covers you wonder what it'll feel like to hold him under them, for him to kiss the crown of your head and whisper the three words you desperately wanted to hear again.

You fall asleep with the fantasy that when you wake up, he'll be right next to you.

Minghao invited you downtown this time, various pop-up stores of luxury brands recently opened and he just secured a sale of a really expensive painting; so of course, what better way to spend that money than taking a shopping trip with his closest friend.

“This would look amazing on you.” He said while taking out a dress, it's a color that compliments your hair and skin wonderfully. Minghao always knew how to dress.

“Oh, I'm inclined to agree, but I'm not willing to look at the price tag for that one.” You joke, shrugging as you follow him around the store.

“Nonsense, I'm offering to pay.” He said, turning his nose up. “I'm getting this for you, I'll ask the salesperson for more sizes so you can try them on.” He said, turning to the salesperson doing just that.

The salesperson nods enthusiastically, bringing the dresses to the dressing rooms and ushering you in despite your protests. Minghao only smiles in amusement as the curtain hides your figure, he sits on the bench near the dressing rooms in silence, scrolling through Instagram on his phone.

He hears the curtains roll open, it only takes a moment of him looking at you in the dress to take his breath away. It fits you perfectly, hugging your body deliciously. Minghao almost drops his phone onto his lap, his grip loosening, star-struck by your beauty.

“How does it look?” You ask, awkwardly fiddling with the expensive fabric of the dress, feeling a little too expensive to be on your body.

Minghao wordlessly stands from the bench, looking a little dazed, he turns to the salesperson and tells them, “We're getting the dress.” As he walks toward the cashier almost in a trance.

You're a little taken aback by his reaction, but nonetheless you change back into your regular clothes. As soon as you walk out of the dressing room Minghao Pushes you back in with more dresses.

“Please try these on.” He says, not having the strength to look you in the eyes. You comply.

It took you hours of trying on dresses and accessories to the point that you almost bought the store out. Minghao couldn't get enough of the mini-fashion show you were putting on for him, and it's not like the salespeople are complaining either.

You walk out of the first store with multiple bags in hand, you thought that was enough shopping for the whole year maybe, but no, Minghao pulls you into another store, and another, and another, all leaving with bags (multiple) of clothes.

It got so bad to the point that Minghao had to leave your bags in his car so you could free up your hands to buy more stuff.

You stopped trying to fathom the amount of money Minghao was spending on you, yes, he did buy items for himself too, but he looked much more satisfied to provide for you rather than procuring items for himself.

The car ride back home was filled with way too many ‘are you sure's and ‘you really didn't have to's. But Minghao was insistent on you keeping all the items he got for you.

“I'm being serious, you're a gorgeous woman, you deserve to be spoiled like a queen.” he said, turning to you while waiting at a red light, “You need to visit my studio in the clothes I got you, you'll fit right in with my paintings.” He smiles.

Your face flushes at his compliments, a bright and happy smile stretching across your face. You couldn't remember the last time you were this happy with someone. To find joy in the company of another felt liberating, you felt like you deserved this.

Minghao drops you off at your place with your new clothes, helping you get them into your living room like a true gentleman.

“I'll see you next time, Y/n.” He said stopping at your doorstep, annd leaning down to press a kiss on the crown of your head, he took note of what your shampoo smelled like and left. Leaving you awestruck in your doorway as you watch his car drive off.

This studio has become so familiar to you, like a second home almost. Punching in the code was muscle memory at this point, the smell of drying paint and clay becoming a calming scent.

You smooth over the front of your dress, one that Minghao got you, as you enter his studio again. Shrugging off your heavier coat, the beginning of winter creeps closer as the trees lose the last of their leaves.

Minghao just got out of the bathroom, wiping his hands on his paint-stained shirt and apron. He looks at you, the dress, the way it fits on you. And he smiles widely.

“Hey there gorgeous, what are you doing all the way there? You should be over there with the rest of the art.” He says cheekily.

You giggle as you enter the space more, stopping in front of him taking his extended hand and following it, giving him a twirl.

He simply adores the way the fabric flows and shapes around your curves and contours, your skin practically glowing with life.

He fights the urge to kiss you, succeeding for now.

He guides you onto the couch, a turntable sitting next to his stone tea tray on the coffee table. ”Oh? This is new.” You said when you noticed it.

“Oh that? I got it for when you come over. I got a few records too, if you'd like to make yourself comfortable while I brew us some tea.” He said, untying his apron to hang on an easel, turning his back to you and he started preparing tea like before.

His movements and practiced, you'd guess this tea ceremony is second nature to him, considering he always talks about it. This scene is safe, familiar, it's comfortable.

He does this whole song and dance again, you've seen him do this over and over again but you can't seem to get sick of it. It's like you're giving yourself excuses just to keep seeing him.

But they don't feel like excuses, not at all, they're just more reasons why you feel deeply, and so quickly for Minghao.

Again, the both of you talk about everything and anything under the sun, him walking you through all his latest pieces, him plans for new ones creativity vibrating through ever cell in his body.

You imagine him talking so passionately about the future, maybe even a future with you.

Before you could realize what you were doing, you’re holding onto Minghao’s shoulders for support,

and you lean up to kiss him.

Minghao fights the urge to kiss back, he fails.

His hands come up to cup the back of your head tilting his head to deepen the kiss, pouring all his emotions into the simple, gesture of affection.

Your head was spinning, dizzy from his cologne and the wind getting knocked from your lungs as soon as your lips met his. It was electrifying, finally feeling the warmth of his body pressed so close, yet so far from yours.

Oh, you wanted him, so, so badly.

He pulls away first, heaving from the intensity of the kiss, eyes in a daze. Meeting your eyes again, he couldn’t help but lean in for another kiss.

This time he's really pressing into you seemingly drunk off of the feeling of his lips meeting yours. He's just a man at the end of the day, a weak, weak man in the face of paradise.

He came back to his senses once he felt the cool metal of your wedding ring on his neck. Jolting back, he pushed your shoulders back, creating a significant distance between the two of you.

“I, I think you should leave.” He said turning to hide in his studio bathroom to collect his thoughts.

You stood there puzzled, did he not feel the same way you did? But why did he kiss you, twice? Something isn't adding up.

But moreover, you can't ignore the painful sting this rejection gave you. You wanted him, did he not want you? What was the point of trying so hard to make you fall for him when he just decided to back down when he finally had you?

You gather your belongings and leave the studio, the door clicking to lock behind you. The ride back was suffocating, it felt like you left a part of yourself in that studio with Minghao. And you fear that this may be the last time you see him.

You haven’t spoken to Minghao in the weeks following the kiss, your nerves on fire every time you remember how his pillow lips felt so right on yours.

You're standing in front of the mural. The one where Hephestus caught Aphrodite, his wife, and Ares, her lover, having an affair and having sex on their marital bed.

It's funny, looking at this mural. You spent your last weeks wandering his gallery, searching for his shadow, but he always seems to evade you so easily. He's marked you like a bloodstain on a pristine white dress, lingering like fog on a cold autumn day.

Winter is still young, yet you feel cold. So, so cold.

As if your most desperate prayers were heard, Minghao practically materializes next to you.

“Hi. I'm sorry I wasn't able to speak to you for the past few weeks. I'm a coward, a fool to run from you.” He said, both of you looking at the mural and not at each other.

Silence follows, you couldn't look at him, you couldn't speak to him. “Y/n I-”

“This isn't the place to talk about this.” You said coldly.

Minghao flinches a bit, not used to how icy your voice was. It usually greets him so warmly, so lovingly.

“Let's go out to drink, there's a bar that's walking distance from here, if you'd like go go with me. I have too many things to say to you, too many thoughts left unsaid. You deserve to hear them, at least.” He said, remorseful.

You really couldn't find it in yourself to stay mad at him. So you agree to walk with him.

The walk to the bar is silent, unlike your previous walks. You're so far from him, you even refused to hold onto his arm like you usually do.

It's early winter yet Minghao is sweating bullets, he's almost vibrating at a frequency that could shatter glass. His nerves are all over the place, he's acting so out of character, nothing like the calm, cool, collected Minghao you've come to know over the past few months.

He takes a deep breathe before you both enter the bar.

A few drinks in and you’re already tipsy, “You know- hic- my husband is being a dick to me.” You drunkenly slurred, “This novel I’ve been writing for over two years now is fucking me in the ass- I- I want to finish it so desperately but all he does is sucks the soul out of me. He’s a giant pain in the ass-!”

Minghao snorts at this, loudly talking over the music of the bar, “Your husband is a fucking dick! Your work is amazing. If I were him, I would do anything to help you get rid of that writer’s block, you know, inspire you.” He tucks a stray strand of hair behind your ear.

“You’d do that?” You ask, clinging onto his arm, “Thank youuuu hao bear~ you’re the best-!” You giggle into his arm, your weight pressing against his side. You’ve only known him for three months at this point, but his ideas and influence on your work improved your writing and motivation drastically.

“Hao bear? That’s new, you’ve only known me for- what? 3 months? You’re already calling me nicknames!” He holds the back of your head gently, pressing his forehead onto yours, “I should give you a nickname too… Starlight, how does that sound?” At this point, you tune out every other sound other than the sound of his voice and the pounding of your heart.

This man had you in a chokehold the moment you met him, you were fucking doomed from the start.

“Starlight? Yeah, I like it more than a little bit.” You say softly, your words almost getting lost in the noise of the bar.

“Let’s move to somewhere quieter, yeah? Tell me more about your work. We can head to my place to settle down for a bit.” There it is, the same dark, barely there smirk that plagues your stomach with butterflies.

“Yeah, I’d like that.”

Arriving at Minghao’s place, you take a quick look around his apartment. Everywhere you look is a pop of color, bold splotches of vibrant hues making the place look like it was pulled straight out of the 80s, “Hao, your place is amazing, the furniture brings me so much joy~” You giggle a bit, sitting down at the plush red velvet couch shaped like a seashell.

“Thanks! Most of the furniture is thrifted from retro thrift stores, I like this style more. It brings so much personality to the space.” He passionately talks about them, “Do you want anything to drink? I have water, juice, and beer here.” He says, rummaging through his fridge.

“Oh, just water, please.” You say you have a feeling that you need to at least sober up for whatever the night brings.

He takes two glasses of water and places them down on the coffee table. It’s the only piece in the entire house that is a neutral color, a fine hardwood. You couldn’t tell what it was at a glance, not that it was important anyway.

“So, let’s talk about this book that you’ve been struggling to write now. Could you tell me what it’s about?” He asks, taking a swig of his water, you stare at his side profile while he does, sharp yet delicate features, his Adam’s apple bobbing from his drink.

Bro’s so majestic.

“Well, it’s about an artist who’s losing passion for his work, told from the perspective of his lover. It’s a spicy romance, with, in my opinion, a correct amount of sex scenes-”

“Give me a percentage of how much of it is smut.” Minghao interrupts you,

“Like… 75 percent?” He snorts at this, “Anyway, I’ve been stuck on the last spicy scene of the book, the climax, pun not intended,” You take a swig of your water, “I mean, it’s not like I don’t have experience writing that sort of thing, or lack experience in sex either, but my sex life’s been such a drag with my husband being gone for long periods and-”

Minghao interrupts you again, “And he doesn’t fuck you right, does he?”

The forwardness of his words made you freeze, you contemplated whether to reject him here, to tell him it wasn’t appropriate to talk about this with you, especially about your husband. You know how Minghao looks at you. It wasn’t a secret to anyone that he wanted you, but he never acted in any inappropriate way. He never makes you uncomfortable.

This was no exception. The swirling in your stomach wasn’t because of unease, no, this was because of arousal.

“No, no he doesn’t.”

He leans in, kissing you. This time he's not rushing, no more pushing and pulling, no more things left unsaid. He wants you, he'll have you. That was a promise.

He lifts you from the couch, lips never parting as he carries you to his bedroom, peeling each other's clothes, bumping into walls and furniture. But you couldn't care less, you were lost in each other's embrace and you can't think of another place you'd rather be.

Half-naked on Minghao’s bed, who, need you be reminded, was not your husband.

His hands roamed your sides, the heat from his palms warming your skin, causing it to flush, his soft, plump lips pressing feather-light kisses to your neck. You could feel his breath behind your ear, his hair tickling your cheek.

“How would your husband feel if he knew what you were doing with me right now?” He asks, clearly getting off on the fact that you were in his bed, getting ready to fuck him, a man who wasn’t your husband.

“I hope he’d be disappointed, but at this point, I think he forgot about me.” You say with a chuckle at the end, trying not to ruin the mood.

Minghao gently pulls away from you from that, “What?” he asks quietly, the word almost getting drowned out by the hum of the air conditioning, “Sorry, I know this was supposed to be a taboo, forbidden relationship thing but… I’m angry at him.” He says, avoiding your eyes.

“I know I’ve only known you for a few months, but I never felt this way before. It fucking kills me to think that a woman like you would be forgotten, for what exactly? Work?” He said anger gradually filling his voice. His hand reaches for your face when your eyes meet, thumbs pressing down on your cheekbone. The controlled and purposeful movement reminds you just how pliable you are under his touch. He sculpted you into what he wanted you to be; beautiful, strong, unashamed.

You gently cup his face, still hovering above you, ���Kiss me, Minghao.”

And he did.

His lips met yours in a searing embrace, just the force of his passion against yours was dizzying, fiery desire clashing to make fireworks behind the eyelids that fluttered close. You never felt this type of longing from your husband, never felt his devotion being kissed through your lips like Minghao’s tongue was exploring it.

At that moment, you knew you were gone.

Minghao pulled away from you, hazy eyes meeting yours as the string of saliva that connected your mouths broke. At that moment, Minghao was stuck in a trance, his lips coming to meet yours over and over like he couldn’t stop tasting your lips even if he tried. A sweet ambrosia, too saccharine to stop. He’s become addicted to your lips molding onto his like sickly sweet honey sticking to his lips.

Out of breath, he grabs hold of your waist, rolling over to get you on top of him. He reaches behind you, unclasping the hooks of your bra and letting your breasts fall free from it. He cups both of them while you sit up, grinding on his hardening cock through his boxers, he groans at this, reflexively squeezing your boobs.

Placing both of your hands on his pecs, you also give them a gentle squeeze. Minghao notices this and his gaze darkens, passing his thumbs over your hardening nipples. Your pussy clenches onto nothing at this, a soft gasp leaves you as you started to grind harder against Minghao.

His nails started to dig into your hips, his own desperately grinding up against you for more friction. Soft moans leave him as he throws his head back against the pillows, eyes fluttering close just so he could focus on the sensations of your clothed cunt grinding against his cock through his boxers.

“God, get off of me before I cum in my underwear like a teenager.” He says with a playful groan, lifting your hips off from his crotch.

“Right, you still need to cum inside of me.” You say back playfully, his eyes darkened at this.

“Fuck, you make me want to keep you forever,” taking one of your hands and placing a kiss on your palm.

He lifts his hips only enough to get his boxers off, shimmying them off to somewhere on the floor near his bed. You also take this time to take your underwear off, secretly hiding it under his pillow when you lean down to kiss him again.

When you both pulled away, another string of saliva connected you two. You took two fingers to swipe at the liquid, bringing it down to rub your clit while you lowered yourself down to grind on his bare cock now.

Minghao hisses, “Fuck, I can feel how wet and warm you are, sweet christ.” he breathes out a shaky breath as you grind your bare wetness on his cock, lubricating the shaft for later. You moan at the contact, body slightly shaking from the friction of the tip of his cock hitting your clit occasionally.

“God, Minghao, fuck I need you inside me.” You desperately whine out. You lifted your hips up to finally hold his hard cock to align it with your pussy, slowly sinking on the thick girth. You throw your head back at the satisfying stretch his dick was making you feel.

“Fuck, you feel so good, so tight and warm,” He moans, he’s not shy about letting you know how good it feels with how vocal he’s being, he takes your right hand and holds it tightly, pressing it against his chest. You could feel his racing heartbeat under his skin, “Let me keep you forever, please, don’t make me beg, run away with me.”

You openly gape at him from this, You’d be a fool to accept this, especially since you’ve only known him for a fraction of the time you knew your husband, but god dammit.

“Take me with you, anywhere you want to go. I’m yours, please take me.” You say desperately. You’ve never been wanted this badly before, and god, you wanted more, for the rest of time.

Minghao abruptly thrusts up into you from this, tightly clenching your hand in his, still pressing on top of his racing heart under the skin. You cry out in pleasure, somehow the sensation of his heart under your palm elevates your pleasure, making you go dizzy at the thought that you’re doing this to him, and only you.

You come close to your climax embarrassingly quick, the sensation of his cock rubbing your velvet walls so perfectly made your head spin. Your ears are ringing so loudly that it almost drowns out your sounds of pleasure, and the sound of skin slapping against skin.

Minghao isn’t far from you either, the same dizzying effect taking hold of his mind too. He’s so close to finishing that he could almost taste it, his moans and whines of your name leaving his lips like a mantra, a prayer, even.

“Minghao I’m gonna cum-!” you say frantically, pressing your forehead onto his as he meets your lips with his for the nth time. You swallow the moans he spills into your mouth as you both climax at the same time. His heart still beating frantically under your palm.

“Did you mean that?” You ask breathlessly, “When you said you wanted me forever, did you mean it?” you couldn’t look him in the eyes.

“Exactly, I meant it word for word. Let me replace the ring on your finger with mine.” He smiles at you.

In the end, he did replace the ring on your finger with his, much more extravagant, and elaborate. Your husband wasn’t surprised at your sudden request for a divorce, since your marriage was already failing before you met Minghao.

Still, time was the ultimate truthteller.

Your husband found out about your High Infidelity around the middle of your divorce proceedings, and in a rage, he threw you and all your belongings out onto the driveway. In the middle of winter rain.

The rain soaked into your skin, cold and icy piercing you painfully. All your personal belongings were strewn all around you, and your soon-to-be ex-husband was angrily slamming the door shut, but you couldn't help but feel relieved.

After all, you were finally free.

You finished your book, it received critical acclaim and it was a New York Times Best-Seller.

And you got to marry Minghao, the love of your life. Who you were happily married to until the both of you grew old.

FIN.

[raygirlramblings]

What do you think about the Captain Laserhawk series? If you watched it yet, at least.

’If I watched it’ XD

Oh rest assured I watched it. ❤️

Overall I really liked it. The animation was SWEET HONEY GOODNESS. Bobbypills pulled out the stops and it SHOWED. I loved all the style changes, I love the pixel art, I even enjoyed the VR stuff because it was unique and weird.

The voice acting was also TRES BON. Special round of applause for Rayman’s English VA because by god he had a job and a half and he NAILED IT. Also loved Marcus’s voice, and Bullfrog of course 💚 just a lot of very high quality work went into this and the voice acting was pretty much spot on from the first episode.

I will say the series felt rushed. I know it’s only 6 episodes but with the time they had there could have been some edits and cuts to keep things snappy while also freeing up time to spend with the main 4 (and the Warden) to cement their relationship.

Believe me I was happy to see so much Rayman but his story wasn’t the main focus and should never have been. We needed more time with Jade and Pey’j. If the Warden has this deep emotional story behind her that we’re supposed to buy into we need more time with her. Sarah and Dolph having a backstory chat in VR was too little too late.

But I will forgive a lot for some stuff they did so right:

Alex is such a dick and he was so much fun to watch. His and Dolph’s relationship was fascinating, and it was so cute watching them in the first episode being a couple and it felt so NATURAL.

RED IS A MASSIVE DOUCHE FUCK HIM XD But god was it fun to have such an open bigot be an antagonist.

All the weird propaganda Eden was using Rayman for. The Rayman Kids stuff was especially grim. I want a ‘I’m a Rayman Kid’ badge SO BAD YOU GUYS.

Bullfrog was such a charming boy. I loved every moment he was on screen. It clear he was the fave character of the team. I loved his relationship with Pey’j, and I hope (if s2 is a thing) that he gets to partner up with Rayman because THAT WOULD BE GLORIOUS

RAYMAN USES HIS LIMBLESSNESS AS A TACTIC. I lost my marbles when he raises his hands and one of them is missing. YES. BOBBYPILLS NAILED IT.

All the little pixel animations were just so joyous and delightful. Perfect.

All the alternative styles for the cut-aways. For the Rayman TV spots, and the VR episode looking like a Phantasmagoria let’s play, the crazy taxi/Driver mini game, just so well observed and suitable for the time. A++++

So yeah, I give the show my thumbs up. It’s obviously not for everyone and it is QUITE THE INTENSE RIDE AND NOT APPROPRIATE FOR KIDS, but I would recommend it as a quality animated work. I hope the people sharing that handful of weird Rayman screenshots on Twitter and going ‘WTF?!?!’ Actually give the series a chance.

Obviously I can discuss every tiny detail from every episode but that would take waaaaaay too long 😩. But thank you so much for asking!

[tw1nkee28]

Hello sorry for asking another question again I like your characters a lot and I was wondering what’s Jack’s and Dawn’s opinion on Pixel, I just want to make sure I make them act the right way and make sure Dawn isn’t scared of my little burnt boi, or Jack dislikes him

Okokay !! Lemmeee think about this HGSHD

While I can think of characters separately, every time someone asks me this question my brain goes blank since I haven't really done any roleplays to show how they interact or think about each other so I'll just have to wing it JHDHDH

Jackrabbit:

He probably thinks fondly of Pixel, like many others, but I do think it'd be a bit of that fond irritation you get for someone that you care about but they're also sort of a nuisance (like my brother, he's a pain in my ass but I love him)

I say this because of how Jack probably has to drag him around to get things done like force feeding him his meds, giving him that intervention we talked about yesterday HSGHD, or just overall medical attention and checkups.

He would risk his life for that man. 1, because he's a shadow and one of his own; and 2, because he sees him as a good friend and someone that he doesn't want to chance losing. He probably wouldn't outright show how much he cares, only really acting fondly annoyed by him (like when someone tells a joke so bad that you just sorta frown at them while you try not to laugh)

Most of his responses consist of "mhm?" "Mh." "That's great" etc, like a parent whose child keeps showing them shit and they're trying to be supportive but they can't really say much...

TLDR: he cares deeply about him and acts annoyed by him despite feeling very fond of him and his actions. He tries his hardest to take care of him even when Pixel tries to avoid it (ex. Taking meds)

—------------------------------------------------------—

Dawn:

(hdhhdh this is the one I gotta think hard about)

Okokay, since we haven't really talked too much about their interactions, I don't really have toooo much to say for Dawn's thoughts.

I know that he would see Pixel as a good teammate and trustworthy ally, maybe a bit intriguing because of how he's dressed. (mask, hood, glasses, etc.) He might be a bit weary or distrustful of him at first mainly because of the way he covers up completely, essentially hiding his identity from him (he gets a little paranoid, no actual ill feelings towards him)

If they got to know each other a bit better in the future, then he'd probably lose that distrust. But for the time being, he views him as just another shadow, another person to keep safe but also not get too close to. He might either try to distance himself from Pixel because he sees a bit of himself in 'em and he doesn't wanna think about that, OR try to stay a bit closer to Pixel because of that same reason, trying to give him the support system he wished he had.

He would respect him and what he does as a soldier, would probably trust his judgement on stuff pretty easily.

—------------------------------------------------------—

That's pretty much all I can think of for now

If you wanted to know something specific that I didn't list in here, feel free to dm me or send an ask at any time ! I promise I don't bite hshdh 😭

I do hope this answered at least some of your questions, thank you for the ask 🫶

[vitanithepure]

Hi! I noticed you seem to be a fellow BG3 Gale connoisseur? Can you tell me what made you like him? I am starved for some more insights from people!

I'm so sorry if it's a bother, feel free to ignore me if so! >.<

Omg, asks like this are never a bother! You can write me any time with gaming related things, especially BG3 ones as I am - like so many others - so impatiently waiting for its release. It's safe to say it occupies 99% of my consciousness. 8 more days!

And you are not wrong with your assumption. I do like Gale! He's neat. He's great. He quickly became my favorite blorbo. I'll post it under the cut.

This is a point I should probably apologize, because you probably wanted a brief summary and I'll be giving an essay, but... yeah, I have a lot of thoughts about that man.

Like, look - if I were any kind of sexual I would be sapiosexual. At first glance Larian got me "oh boy, a know-it-all wizard, how original...", BUT I feel like they did manage to make Gale intelligent in a believable way. Why?

Gale knows all the trivia. He read an entire library or two worth of knowledge and probably memorized most of it. He knows his way around with words; it makes him charming and endearing. And yet intelligence is not wisdom and experience, so we learn of his past mistake(s) and how quickly he is willing to jump into next ones.

I mean, come on, willing to make a deal with Raphael? And betting on outwitting him? And his new bio description on the official website? (not sure how that will play out yet, I'm reserving judgment until we get to play it). Peak INT 16 and WIS 11 wizard behavior.

I often find people thinking about Gale as a manipulator, playing nice to get things from us and/or get in our pants (yikes to that last one). He would certainly be capable of that, sure - like i said, he's intelligent and charming enough for that. Do I think he would though? Nah.

I think Gale doesn't need to play nice - he just is. Because at the point of his story (which is straight up told in his bio) we meet him he already learned his lesson. Now Gale needs to deal with his past and is not, understandably, so forward with revealing it.

And I get it. I wouldn't want to spill my life's biggest mistakes after a few days' worth of knowing someone, but Gale doesn't have the luxury of time. So he asks us to put a little trust in him and he later reveals what was the point of it all - when you prove you do trust him.

Another thing people put to question is if he actually tells us the truth. I have nothing here, I do believe he is, but in light of (again...) the new bio I believe Gale might have undergone a minor rewrite and I'm no longer sure if the early access dialogues are up to date with it.

If they will not change then, yes, he is straight up omitting the fact he wanted to slurp up Mystra's godhood, and lying about the reason he got stuck with that orb of his in the first place. And I have no idea what to do with this, yet.

Overall I just think it all makes him a very interesting character and I can't wait to have my heart broken by another wizard with a cat. Because as much as I believe all romances will have a happy ending Larian already said it's a dynamic thing and companions do move on the morality scale during the story.

And l'm just so happy to be along for this ride!

Also, on a more superficial note: I have a weakness for pixel men about my age, and Gale looking at us with unabashed mischief like this:

Just works for me.

[phoenixradiant]

Hey all I've been in a Daurian-writing mood lately, and since the character intros are held up by my current pixel art escapades (i.e. No character portraits atm), thought I'd write something instead, so here, have a treat. Not my best work, but passable for something that isn't part of Kelovir proper.

The Wolf - Lycoris

Lycoris had never killed anyone before. She'd wanted to- in her situation, who wouldn't- she'd had nightmares about it, she'd trained to be able to; but by Awai's grace, it had never come to that. Until now, at least. Her dark green hair flew out behind her as she dove under the bandit's next swing. Battle wasn't a dance, not in the mystical sense many regarded it, but there was a sort of rhythm to the steps. Rolling to her feet without wasting an instant, she backpedaled another few steps, trying to remember where she'd dropped her sword. Finally she spied it on the ground in a patch of tall grass. Lycoris raised her hand to her forehead, then imploded into mist. For a brief moment, she was as a spirit, gliding effortlessly through the air, hearing light, the pleasant tones of late morning bathing her in warmth. Then she began to fall. She hit the ground hard, but her fingers closed around her sword and she was on her feet again before the bandit had even realized she was behind him now. A dull pounding in the back of her skull reminded her not to get reckless. She ignored it, flinging her newly recovered blade at the man's back. It sunk in deep, but the wound began to close almost instantly. She raised her hand to her forehead once again. The pounding multiplied a hundredfold. She couldn't feel the warmth through the pain. She was trying to think, but her head felt like splitting. She waited for the pain to abate, floating there in the world of light. It didn't. She'd finally pushed herself too far. Should've waited, she thought, a few more seconds between glides. She couldn't think much more than that; it was drowned out by her mind's screaming. She searched for something soothing, something familiar, solid. Something free from pain. Nothing. There never was anything. She had to push through the pain. She always did. She was good at it, by now. Her hand grasped her sword once again, but this time she drifted down onto both feet. Lycoris stepped back, pulling her blade out of the man's back before swinging wide through his neck. His body tried to grow a new head and his head tried to grow a new body, but eventually both gave up. From stories her father told her, other lands were less... brutal. You killed people and they died quickly, stayed dead, unless they were demons. These days she questioned how he'd known. Lycoris staggered a half dozen steps away from the pooling blood before collapsing to her knees. Separate herself from her mind. Like she'd practiced. Breathe in. Breathe out. Trace a prayer for mercy on her forehead. Breathe in. Breathe out. Separate the mind. What was left? Body and soul. Doing and being. No more thinking. Lycoris stood, pain receding slightly, and continued along the road.

---

Lycoris was running out of people to help. It was time to move on. She drew a few sketches of the plants in question, then handed them to the boy. "Give this to your mother. You're going to need to forage all of these and grind them into paste and eat it once every two days for the next three weeks." He nodded earnestly; they always did that, acting like she was some sort of angel, for her words to be internalized and proclaimed to the world. She admitted to herself it was fulfilling in a way. But that wasn't why she did it. She helped people because it was good to do so, and because doing good felt good. So maybe she was an angel, in an odd sort of way. Someone who did good for the sake of good. And that was why it was time to move on. There was more good to be done elsewhere. She patted the boy on the shoulder and turned to leave. "You sure you don't want to stay, priestess?" A shepherd asked as she passed the village gate. It reminded her of home, how the grass grew so plentifully you could keep the sheep within eyesight of the village. Then she realized what he'd asked. Her hands clenched, though she hoped he didn't notice. "I've said before, I'm no priestess." The shepherd shrugged. "You're a Daurian. Makes no difference to me. Now do ya want to stay or not? In just a few days we've a festival, seems to me you could use 'ne o' those at least. Few days can't hurt." "Can't hurt me, maybe. But there's people who need me. Some of them desperately. I'd best be off. Thank you for your hospitality." She smiled as she bowed, but strode swiftly into the wilderness like a child running back home through a dark forest. They hung on her every word like she was an angel, but she knew the truth. They were brave. She wasn't.

---

The salve was a touch too thick, too viscous. Lycoris moved to add some water, thought better of it, and poured out the contents of her wooden cup instead. The wine mixed better than water did, for reasons Lycoris hadn't studied enough to quite understand. She would love nothing more than have understood, to have spent the days cloistered away in study, reading until her eyes grew heavy and her skin turned paler than marble for want of sunlight. But she couldn't. She knew that. That was why she'd sworn the oath. "Cor? You're making that face again." Lycoris drew herself back to the present. She turned to the young Thasnian woman whose bandages she was changing as they sat watching the sunset. "Was I? Sorry, just concentrating." "I'd believe that if it hadn't been half a minute since you'd actually done anything." She smiled, a teasing, yet half-serious smile. That was exactly the kind of smile her brother used to give her. "Something on your mind?" "No more than usual, Seln." "So yes." Lycoris grimaced. Seln was infuriatingly perceptive like that. Or perhaps she was just easy to read. Lycoris brushed the salve across one side of the bandage before beginning to wrap it around Seln's foot. "At the moment I'm thinking that you ought to be more careful running through the street barefoot." "And the moment before that?" "I was thinking how annoying your questions were getting." "And before that, Cor?" Lycoris pulled the bandage taut, painted on a touch more of the salve to act as glue, and secured the loose end to the rest of the binding. She neglected to answer. "Why do I keep coming back here, Seln?" "Because I need your help, and no one here knows how to do it the way you do." "You hadn't yet driven a stake through your foot when I came here the first two times. Yet I came back a third." "Well, the sunset's nice," Seln offered. "And we've a proper temple. I suppose you'd like that." Lycoris shrugged. She'd never liked temples, though she'd never been able to place exactly why either. "And I suppose it's pretty quiet here. It's not like everywhere else, where there's a festival every three weeks and if not that than a wedding, or a war, or a plague. Here we just... are. I like that. I don't see why you wouldn't." She knew why she wouldn't. The same reason she wasn't a priestess. The same reason it bothered her that she'd been here so many times before. The rest of her people were like dogs. They lived each day serving their masters, be they mortal or divine, and in return they were taken care of generously, and allowed to live life in the otherwise reclusive communities of western Alador. Nor were her people alone; it seemed that this was how most lived their lives, and were happy to do so. Lycoris, like a wolf, envied the dogs, loved the life they led, but it could not be hers. By nature she feared it. Hated it. And so she tried. Each day she would not rest until she had done the work of the dogs, to help a poor soul in need, in hopes that one day, the work would make her ready for the reward. She'd made that oath five years before. "Cor?" Seln drew her hand back to slap her back to reality. Lycoris stirred. "I- Seln, I don't think- I have to go. I don't know when I'll be back." "Lycoris, what's-" But she was already running away.

---

Lycoris ran for hours, through twilight into the night, her light pack beating into her back with every frantic pounding step. Tears were streaming down her face, moonlight illuminating wet streaks from where she'd wiped them away with her hands. She couldn't go back. She couldn't live like them. Not yet. Maybe never. She stumbled to her knees, heart racing, but body and mind giving out. She couldn't keep going. But she had to. Lycoris gathered herself and looked into the place where spirits glided and light made sound, listening to its soothing tones. It was calming. A beautiful place. One that pained her to even watch. No longer frenzied or panicked, Lycoris lay down among the dew-touched grass, not shaking, not lashing out, but weeping all the more for her stillness.

[razberrypuck]

JRWI EP 100 LIVEBLOG UNDER THE CUT FOR EXTRA SPOILER PROTECTION

"the journey begins, for the 100th time" "you bet your tiddies it does" JWJFJEJTJH

ohh they're having a good time something's gonna go horribly wrong

earl bbeg real

wetma gills

"words hard. me tired. me drunk." jay I love you jsjfjejf

enza gonna help jay make a new body for alphonze 👀

drey disconnected w/the group?

"the longer you're down there, the more it twists you" ohh that's not good. instantly worried about arlin.

"if arlin's still down there, it's because it couldn't." "that man had a big ol' heart, even that giant body couldn't fit it." DREYYYYYY

"Sometimes I think I should dive in there alone. But I know I'm not strong enough without them" CHIP. CHIP YOURE GONNA KILL ME.

chip and drey are gonna KILL me augh

"we're gonna go down there, and we're gonna bust him out. whatever happens happens. we'll survive. we always do." RRGHHDHHDG

AW GILLION JSHFJJEJGJFJF

"sometimes its good to be bad jay give me the word" LMAOOOOO

GILLION SOUNDS LIKE HES GONNA START CRYING BRO JSHFJDJ

QUEEN KSHFJDJDUW

WOOO DOWNTIME❗️❗️❗️

HES MAILING CASPIAN'S PRESENTS!!!!!!!!

"happy birdday! you can nae nae, but now you can... ;)" JSJFJDJG GILL

" 'Well, for you...' he gets lost in your eyes for a second" JWJFJSJGJEJJTJ

NAT 20 ON RIZZING RIZZ RIZZ

"EVERYONE now has cannons and healing potions except for ME!!!!!!!!" gill in his spoiled brat arc

NEW TITLE GILLION TIDESTRIDER RIZZ REVEREND

"We are so, so unbelievably wanted" "they WANT us"

TWO CANNONS AND ONE BALLISTA HELL YES????

ohh I love enza

forgot abt cliff hangar

IS HE RIZZING UP CLIFF???????

"To know the books, you need to have read the books, where the FUCK are the books, Jay???????"

GILL TRYING TO RIZZ UP CLIFF NOW

HES PLAYING ALONG??? JAY TRIED TO GIVE HIM THE GOLD AND HE STOPPED HER??????????

"A world that's turned it's back / it's seas be turned to black / the black sea is all that's left / history be put to rest / the survivors will rewrite it / fight on, fight on until united / hope our wrongs be righted / flee the black sea at last / free from it at last

why are gill and chip so down to flirt with people today jsjfjsjd

CAPTAIN FIVE O' CLOCK SHADOW JSIFJDJJF

CAPTAIN HENDRIX. TIEFLING. REGAL BUT RELAXED. IF THIS MFER ISNT NIKLAUS HES GOTTA BE RELATED TO HIM RIGHT

FINN TIDESTRIDER FINN TIDESTRIDER FINN TIDESTRIDER

the island of frozen roses ooh

ohhhh he just wrote about their journeys. ik its like obvious but that means so much to be actually.

OHHHHHHH OLLIES ROOM OH MY GODDDDDDD

OH FUCK OFF HES GIVING HIM ARLIN'S COIN OH MY GOD OH MY GOD

BIZLY YOURE GOING TO KILL ME IM GOING TO DIE BIZLY THIS IS SO NICE

"even when you are old and decrepit, you will always be our small boy, who we keep on the ship, and in our hearts" thank you gill

chip don't grill her about this now godddd.

CAPTAIN SHADOWBEARD IS OLLIES DAD

bellamy. oh bellamy. im so sorry.

captain shadowbeard was the last pirate lord that went missing ohhh my god. it was a year ago. and when ollie went missing months later. oh my god this poor woman.

"You guys are gonna get attacked tonight" grizz ik you're joking but I don't fucking trust you at all

ALPHOZE ALPHONZE ALPHONZE

DANGER INCOMING???

THEY JUST LEFT THE ISLAND

KIRA I LOVE YOU BUT NO

JAY YOURE GONNA BOARD THEIR SHIP????

THERE HE IS. FUCK OFF JAYSON GO AWAY GO AWAY GO AWAY

Gillion what are you planning 👀

"jay who did you see" "oh just my father and kira you know" "oh"

THE SWORD IS IN HIS FUCKING CHEST STILL LMAOOOOOOOOOOO

DREY PANICKING LMAO

FUCK OFF JAYSON FUCK OFF JAYSON FUCK OFF JAYSON FUCK OFF JAYSON FUCK OFF JAYSON

YOOOOOOOOOO GILLION CLUTCH??????

GILLION CLUTCH GILLION CLUTCH

JAYSON YOU CHEATING BASTARD

HELLO PIXEL ART THIS IS SO COOL?????????

CHIP DONT LEAVE THEM????

DONT FUCKING LAUGH LIKE THAT GRIZZ

gillion less clutch than expected.........

alphonze is gonna die again bro they JUST got him back! AND the boat!

Gillion absorb elements pog

QUEEN JSHFJDJFJFH LOVE YOU

thank you alphonze we love you alphonze <3

USING THE WHALEBONE SWORD TO CAST SPELLS ON JAYSON????

jayson I hate you smile

TRAP HIM IN THE FUCKING MIRROR JAY GET HIS ASS

GET HIS ASS JAY GET HIS ASS

"You could be found innocent, by the way" "not for what I'm about to do :)"

MOTHER MOON JSJFJDJ

CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT GILL ISNT SCARED OF JAYSON ANYMORE❗️❗️❗️❗️❗️

GILLION CLUTCH ONCE AGAIN

MOTHEFUCKER HAS LEGENDARY ACTIONS I FORGOT

HE STOLE JAY'S BRAND BRO

"DAMN looks like you're as good a shot as you are a PARENT" "your quips only seal your fate" "damn, were you already burning?" gillion tidestrider I love you

"Your fighting is meaningless, for your gods have fallen" HELLO JAYSON WHAT DOES THAT MEAN???? IM NOT MOVING ON FROM THIS DID THE ARTIFICIAL LEVIATHAN PLAN WORK??????? ARE YOU JUST PSYCHING GILL OUT?????????????

YOOOOO GRYFFON MVP FOURTH CAPTAIN

"If they miss, I will roll to hit gillion"

CANNON #1 HITS JAYSON FUCK YES QUEEN!!!!!!!!!!!

EARL FUCKING WHIFS IT

gets harpooned in the ass and stabbed further in the chest sjfjeh

gill is so fucking funny engaging w/jayson lmao

"she's a BIRD are you PROUD OF HER YET? she has WINGS and they're COOLER THAN YOURS and they generate more LIFT" gill hyping up jay to her dad my beloved

makes eye contact with a fucking wizard. drops disguise and said "aight you handle these monkeys I got shit to do"

isn't the whole crew on the ship? or does grizz just mean on top deck

gryffon I love you

RETURN OF 5 FT GILL

HOLY SHIT?????? 10 FT TALL THUNDER GOD GILLION

YOU MOTHEFUCKER???????

NAT 20 DEX SAVE FROM GILLION HOLY SHIT HE DESERVES THIS❗️❗️❗️❗️❗️ GILLION ON THAT KING SHIT TODAY

ANOTHER SHIP????

MARSHALL JOHN THE GRANDBERRY PIRATES MY FUCKING BELOVED

"IF YOU KILLED MY GODS HOW IS MARSHALL JOHN RIGHT HERE?!"

PROPHETIC SCREW UP STRIKES ONCE AGAIN

CASPIAAAAAAN

"YO IS THIS GUY FUCKING BOTHERING YOU?!" LOVE YOU LIZZIE

"I can deal with that later. But right now, you're attacking my friends. And I can tell you have no intention to spare them. So I'll give you the same treatment back. So you're gonna attack me, or...I'm gonna take you down." JAY JAY JAY JAY JAY JAYYYYYY

APPLY HUNTERS MARK BY PUNCHING HIM IN HIS UGLY ASS FUCKING FACE GET HIS ASS GET HIS ASS GET HIS ASS

"I thought you said next time you saw me, I wouldn't be your daughter anymore." "Now that I've seen how much you've changed, I mean it" go fuck yourself jayson <3

GRYFFON WAIT GRYFFON ARE YOU OKAY GRYFFON IF YOU DIE I WILL LOSE MY MIND

GILLION HEAL YOURSELF FOR THE LOVE OF GOD

GRIZZ IF YOU FUCKING KILL GILL AGAIN ISTG

GILLION HEAL YOURSELF

"if Jay's still fighting, I am too."

"Nice try, but Ollie's mom was way more pissed 😎"

lizzie??? did you??? did you actually kill ava or are you surprised???

GILL GOING CRAZY WITH THE NAT 20s

"It's okay I can dodge it!" the mentality of the episode

JSJFJSJF HE ABANDONS SHIP WITH THE WIZARD HES TAKING THE WIZARD HES A FRIEND

I fully believe lizzie didn't kill ava actually. don't believe jayson at all fuck this guy

If Gryffon is dead. If Gryffon is dead.

GILLION. GILLION ASKING JAY IF SHE CAN DO THIS. GILLION SUPPORTING JAY THIS WHOLE EP. RRRRIVHFGR IM GONNA DIE

gillion: just let me know where you need me. And I'll be there.

jay: right now you're right where you need to be. thank you.

gillion: aye aye, captain.

MARSHALL JOHN SOLOS

john and gill immediately going bro mode jsjfjsj

don't make me feel bad for jayson. I won't do it. piece of shit.

GILLION. IF YOU DIE.

GOES DOWN PROTECTING JAY GILLION YOURE GONNA KILL ME.

THE NAVY HAS GRYFFON

THANK YOU JAY THANK YOU JAY THANK YOU JAY

"You keep saying that people took me away from you. No one took me away from you, dad. You haven't had me for a long time. You lost me. You lost me in the lies, the training, your obsession with your work, it was all you cared about. Things change, dad. After ava died, you weren't there. You weren't there for me or for mom. And when I tell you we hurt, we struggled, I say we hurt and struggled so goddamn much. And I'm sure you did too, but you made it so goddamn clear where your priorities lied with the family. And in my grieving, you were the only one who wasn't there. Jayson Ferin, you are someone I've known my entire life. You've known me longer than I can remember, and maybe I've made decisions that you don't agree with, but they are my decisions, and I would've hoped that in the years you've known me, that you would give me even a modicum of trust, a modicum of what I saw in you my entire goddamn childhood. And now, you stand here in front of me again, you're making the same mistakes... You don't get to just take me back, you need to earn it. And the way it stands, you're on a fast track to lose both me, and your wife. You are the strongest man I've ever known but you are a fucking pathetic father. So come on. Go ahead, finish it, do your fucking job, if that's where your priorities still lay, as they always have."

persuasion with advantage and dm inspiration. so deserved holy shit jay. i am. speechless.

"For the first time in my life, since I became a pirate, I was able to feel free."

get the fuck OUT of here jayson go AWAY

jayson I'd ask why you don't fucking ask may yourself but I don't want you anywhere near her :)

thank fucking god hes gone.

"that's my boy right there, that's my BOY, I'm on your ass, I'm like glue on something that glues on" "this is the beginning of something, this is the beginning of a whirlwind of whoopass on kira I'm telling you now" bizly has the right idea get the panda man back

gill still didn't get the whalebone sword back ✌️😔

[luckyqueenreign]

LITG: Double Trouble EP 11 Recap

here we go...

*spoilers under the cut*

everyone is talking about who MC is going to choose...I will say normally I love a super confident pixel but Roberto just gave me the ick so bad with this overconfidence.

YAYYYY challenge time!!! im actually excited about this one!! GUYS the placement of these cowboy hats on the girls OMG it's so bad. oooop!! not Grace flirting with Ryan where Ozzy could see!! Girly ur relationship is already on thin ice!! EEK I chose the "you dont sound too secure with Ozzy" option and she said "youre right, I guess I dont feel that solid with him right now....kinda feels like he might still be open to other options." and then she glances at MC...😬😩 UH OH shes gonna give a test in the challenge...girlyyyy. skefoisjefjwaenfajw SINCE WHEN AM I BLONDE?????? lolol omg look I get that the art team prob couldnt draw the hat for EVERY hair option but they couldnt at least match the color ??????? also I hate that in challenges MC is the only one who wears a diff outfit. why cant they just make us have a special one but give the girls outfits too??

DEAD at Roberto not having any rhythm and Lewie not having any coordination in the obstacle portion. EEK time for Grace to test Ozzy 🫣 I meannnnn.....Lewie lol? why not Ryan who she actually just flirted with in front of Ozzy and who was grafting her AND is also single. lowkey feels like shes not only trying to teach Ozzy a lesson but us too 👀

OZZYS TURN 🥰 not Ozzy dominating on the bull and his dance moves AND choosing MC. ksaidsiodisjdfies OBVI snogged Ozzy's face off even though I def didnt kiss the other boys 😬 MC is obvi going out and showing out as she she should 💅🏼 anddddd u guys already know who I chose. Grace im sorry babes! Also sorry Roberto and Lewie! OOP Ozzy whispering that after our moment on the terrace he hoped we'd pick him. ok the constant interruptions from Grace...I get them...and I actually do like they added this in but im gonna need a little less to make me feel less guilty about what im about to do 😬. "IT SEEMS LIKE YOURE COMPLETELY ALONE" fb u really want me to fall in love with this pixel man dont you??? 🫣🫣 Grace saying that was low😐 im sorry for Grace that I made my mc be in her villain era bc im def choosing the diamond scene and going to do it all over again with Ozzy. SCREAMING not us landing perfectly on top of him after falling off the bull and then KISSING IN FRONT OF EVERYONE. MC IS A MENACE.

time for a girl chat 😬 damn Amelia saying MC always had the big moves and looking sad...yeahh thats def gonna come back up. LOLOL not Ryan pulling a Rocco and chatting with all the girls. ACK GRACE!!! "its not only the boys im struggling to trust" I love that theres more nuance here and fb actually gave her some personality here. Grace has EVERY reason to be fuming at not only Ozzy but also MC. ok wait..... "but when he cracks a joke you're the person he looks at to see if you laugh." STAHP IT PLS!!! not grace fishing for an apology! im so confused Grace has sat here with us and explained how its so clear Ozzy has feelings for MC and then when she asks if she needs to worry if you say yes. she's still like are you sure??? why did fb not make this consistent with everything else she just said!!

Ryan encouraging Roberto to shoot his shot with MC to free up Amelia is such an EL OH EL moment. like sir u have spoken two words to the girl and you've been grafting literally every girl in the villa outside of MC all day!! pack your bags Ryan!

[fountainpenguin]

"It's not that difficult to get your head around; you'll never meet another me..." (x)

---

New Pixels Imperfect stuff today! || One-Shot

“There Are Many Benefits to Being Corporeal”

Read on AO3

---

I am back on my “LazyBeans26 and PiglinMyNose are the same person on NameMC” propaganda… Sniff and Pig have infected my brain, so here’s a silly sickfic about a tired camera boy and his weird new friend who's just contracted "experiencing the horrors of being sentient" disease.

(First 1,000 words under the cut)

---

When Jimmy and Scar asked if they could take turns possessing his vessel, LazyBeans26 didn't even hesitate. "Sounds like fun! I'm in." Why not? He's always down for a good time and he's not a square.

They tracked him to his studio apartment, 4th floor of the Raisin Tower. It's the Sun Ray Tower; nobody ever calls it that. Yeah, he's earned it; he's been around New Star Station a long time. It's a tiny place, but that just feels right, y'know? Must be his slime hybrid genes. Something about small, square spaces just feels right. And it's really not bad for a guy who's lived his whole life alone. He's not a builder; he hates doing interiors. This spot works just fine for him, even though Jimmy and Scar are bumping into each other in the kitchen space and they're so close to the bed, Scar could jab it with his cane.

"Are you sure?" Jimmy asks, tilting his head. Lazy's in front of his mirror in the skin change room, two bobby pins in his teeth as he ties back his hair. He clamps the pins to one side with his tongue.

"What d'you mean? Of course I'm sure. I've been thinking of changing my name, actually… It's about time I haul my butt across the station and hit up Etho for that anyway. He'll be much happier if we make it a two-fer. He'll get all huffy if it's just the name."

"Oh, really?" That's Scar. "What- What are you changing your name to?"

"Pig. Pig something… I haven't figured out the rest. I'm just kind of tired of going by 'Lazy.' It's kind of run its course for me. And '26' never really clicked as a name." Hair pinned back, he rinses his hands and splashes at his face. "I'll settle it on the way over. Shall we go?"

"Gods, you're so cool," Scar breathes, staring back at him. His mouth quirks up in a smile at one end in a very GoodTimesWithScar sort of way. "I told Jimmy you'd say no."

"How long have you known me, Scar?"

Scar giggles, waving a dismissive hand. "L-let's not get into it… You're very cool, Pig. And handsome!"

"I appreciate that, yeah."

They give him the rundown on the way downstairs. Jimmy and Scar are looking to team up, taking turns with a single vessel, in a painful attempt to defeat the ender dragon and free the End before the chaotic duo of Grian and Joel. "And every time we die," Jimmy explains, looping his arm around Lazy's neck, "then Scar and I switch off who's in control."

"So are we all in my vessel at once?" he asks, pushing open the apartment door. They step onto the street together. The road's all bedrock, accented in a sidewalk of deepslate half-slabs as far as the eye can see. As always, Lazy glances down the left-hand street. The slime soul spawner sits in a place of honor in the town center, wrapped in the roots of an enormous dark oak tree. It's custom made, entirely decorative… but it's fun to admire nonetheless. Should I say hi to Mum? I should swing by and say hi to Mum.

"No, no… We're taking turns." Jimmy pats Lazy on the shoulder as though in reassurance. He's not the most reassuring fella that there's ever been, but Lazy lets him anyway. "The thing is, we log off every time we die. You're the only one who'll know everything that's happening for the both of us. You're collecting all the footage and as a third party, you'll be there to hold us responsible so we can't do any cheaty cheating. We're in a race, after all. We're Minecraft professionals. Does that all sound good?"

"You want to know what I think?" Lazy peels away from Jimmy and starts walking backwards, thrusting his hands in his hoodie pockets. He sticks his tongue at Scar. "I think Mr. Good Times With Fey here is hoping to wheedle out another password for his collection!"

"Oh, no, no, no," Scar protests, eyes like innocent emerald blobs. He lifts his cane, shaking both hands back and forth. "I don't take those anymore… I'm an honest man, Mr. Pig!" He bops Lazy on the head with his cane, then scampers down the road with a hum. He catches the copper rod of a lamppost with the cane hook and swings around, over and over, just waiting for Lazy and Jimmy to catch up. Lazy rolls his eyes.

"You're getting a substitute password if we do this. And you can keep it."

Scar makes a face, but doesn't protest. One-times do nothing for me, goes unsaid. His cane clicks and scrapes as he twirls around the pole again. Then Scar drops back to the road and pauses to massage his foot.

Grian and Joel, apparently, will be inviting someone new to the station to play this little game. Lazy asks about that as he and Jimmy wait for Scar. Jimmy shrugs. "Some endermite soul showed up near the fox spawner and got tangled in their soul-catcher. They never found his vessel, so Mama Fox let Etho bring him to the station."

Lazy lifts one eyebrow.

"All right," Jimmy amends, scratching behind his neck. He flashes a guilty smile. His canary-yellow wings, small and positioned low against his back, give the softest flutter. "He may have smuggled the guy out to bring him here, yeah. You know Mama Fox. She's gotta have one of everything in her collection…"

"I do believe I made her acquaintance once, yes. I wasn't gonna mention it, but I did wonder how he could've swayed an entire soul out of her if there wasn't a bit of deception involved. It's been a hot minute since we've had a new endermite hybrid running around, yeah? Good for him. Hey Scar, I'm gonna say hi to Mum real fast."

"That's fine! I'll be up in a minute. Just gotta rest my foot. My glitch did a weird jolt when I hopped down; oooh boy… I'm gonna be feeling that."

[Cnt'd on AO3 - Link at top]

[notasapleasure]

Casualty S26.E17 (2012)

Kind of astonished he’s only been in one episode of the long-running medical soap, and that it was as recent as 2012!

Unfortunately, the video quality of the episode on YouTube is atrocious, so my screencap-happy finger may be thwarted this time, but trust me when I say this is him, playing family man Stephen Leese, dressed as a pirate going ‘YAAR!’.

Lamenting the fact his eight-year-old son will be growing out of these ‘proper parties’: “Games, costumes, and SAUSAGE ROLLS.”

But it’s ok: he reckons he’s got it in him to give Archie a little brother still. His wife doesn’t seem enamored of the idea and leaves the house as soon as he goes back to playing pirate.

Heyyyy I thought I recognised his wife, despite the pixellation! It’s Eleanor Matsuura from I Used to be Famous! Ahh, it’s a small world.

Also, she’s having an affair with some boring man in a puffa vest, which...on the one hand ew, on the other hand....Joplin you’re gorgeous, but I prefer the flick-knife and the dentistry tools to the 8-year-old and the man-child shtick :’)

If it was between that and puffa jacket guy though...no offense Eleanor Matsuura but I just wouldn’t cheat on Joplin Sibtain for a guy who’s cheating on his own disabled wife!

Worried because there’s been a massive pile-up on the road and a gas explosion and his wife’s not back!

Oh there she is! Now they have to.....take the whole party of children out and away from the area because?? The other parents are worried. But the roads are all blocked. And now there’s a chemical leak in the area!

Man, Casualty is wild.

There’s just. Hydrogen chloride gas everywhere. Cool cool cool. Sure hope the Leeses didn’t take those kids out for a walk!

Darling there’s hydrochloric acid in the drains. Don’t go outside with the children.

He thinks it’s a bad idea! Guy on the telly says stay put! Wife says go, so he does as wife says and almost leaves his own kid behind in the process smh.

Decontamination time!

Well, find yourself a man who can make a chemical incident fun, ig?

Aw, he’s being a sweetheart looking after his kid’s sore arm, while......his wife is off asking about puffa vest guy. And puffa vest guy’s daughter isn’t about to let him leave his family consequence free. Look, Lise, you can pinpoint the exact moment his heart breaks! etc etc

Oh no, even puffa vest guy’s wife knew!

Kicked puppy:

But she’s sorry.

Aw, and then he puts on a big brave smile for his son, birthday boy. ;_;

Aaaaand, puffa vest guy has chosen his wife instead of his lover.

God, I think you know....too much can happen in a TV show??

This barely covers any of it. There was, however an AMAZING tiny paramedic lady who had a cool partnership with a grumpy old firefighter and got to put a guy in a headlock at the end, so that was nice.

Rating

Dead? Nope! Not even whumped!

Evil? Not at all.

Affects the plot? Utterly oblivious to it!

1.5/5? Not much to go on here lads. He has a very bad day, but he seems like a lovely dad. I reiterate my preference for whatever was going on in Hustle.

[haladriel]

Thanks for the tag, @tairona-is-taken! I don't have a full ten fics to hand (let alone in Tolkien alone) but I'll post my little gaggle of five. Most of them are one or two chapters only because I previously couldn't plan a story for toffee (my new haladriel one represents Serious Progress).

Rules: share the first lines of ten of your most recent fanfics and tag ten people. If you have written less than ten, don’t be shy and share anyway 💜

1. Consciousness.

Voices... electronic, without ambience. 

The television is on. John is home.

It’s late. Sofa, beneath the soles of my feet… leather, smooth. Weather-worn. Mellow. Like John. (Scientia Somnis, or that time I tried to stream-of-consciousness Sherlock-bloody-Holmes. Originally Sherlocked @bakerstreetbe)

2. ‘Bolly?’

His voice was quiet, still holding a hint of the cocksure authority the guarded brace as a shield and which Gene wore over himself like his broad-shouldered coat. (Promised You A Miracle, @quattrohunt, waiting for Lazarus)

3. ‘DI Drake and I will investigate as soon as possible, sir.’

‘Ah yes! The two lovebirds. Are you honestly sure you can concentrate, Hunt? We can’t have the work being compromised, you know’.

Alex looked up from her paperwork, her expression startled, mildly offended, then quietly flirtatious. Gene coughed.

‘We make it work, sir’. (Drake and Hunt)

4. ‘Sherlock…!’

John’s yell echoes off the hard faces on the shards of concrete in his head. His broken, chisel-split head.

Rough pavement against his cheek. The distant cry of London’s sirens. The metallic squeak of a hospital trolley. 

‘Oh god, Sherlock…’

A builder’s radio plays a familiar song. One of his mother’s favourites. Tortoiseshell stretching horizontal in front of his eyes; a bunch of pink and yellow flowers resting on the front seat. 

An earsplitting crack thunders through a large pane of glass.

‘When are you gonna come down?’

He groans. Rubs his eyes and pushes himself up off the paved floor. 

‘When are you going to land…’ (The Yellow Brick Road, ambitious Life On Mars / Sherlock crossover fuelled by my serious 70s music obsession) And last but not least, for my fellow haladriels... 5. ‘What do you think of Donne, anyway?’

‘I admire how brazen he is. He doesn’t hide from the truths of the world.’ 

The boy nodded. ‘Like sex.’ 

‘And lust.’

‘Death.’ 

‘And power.’ She blew lightly across the foam. ‘All of those. Marlowe’s the same. Frankly, he beat Shakespeare for having the biggest balls. He was there first. And he and Donne weren’t as popular, so took more liberties.’ She paused. 'Although Marlowe's thematic panache probably got him killed.'  (The Sun Rising, my Mairon/Galadriel university AU. A few lines in as I've quoted the beginning beginning very recently.)

*Bonus!* From my first ever attempt at ficwriting, for Julie Bertagna's wonderful Exodus trilogy: 6. The fox pads towards her. 

It pauses, hesitant. ‘Mara?’ His husky voice, the same as ever, rings across the cyberspace between them. Mara’s heart leaps in her chest. ‘Yes,’ she whispers, ‘yes–’ She runs the last few paces to stand in front of him. His eyes are shining with a wild fire. Even in fox-form they are beautiful. 

‘Give me a second,’ he murmurs softly. A miniature tornado smothers the image of the cyberfox, which dissolves into a pixellated mass. After a few seconds the cyberswirl settles, the electronic matter rearranging into a well-known face. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'm ninety-nine percent sure I'm one of the last to join this bandwagon so won't tag any new folk, but please do feel free, anyone.

[nomoneytoplay]

Mighty Doom

Bought for: Free

Played on: Pixel

Release date: April 12, 2021

Developer: Alpha Dog Games, Bethesda Softworks

Publisher: Bethesda Softworks

Game Type: Shooter

Platforms: Android, iOS

ESRB Rating: M for Mature - Violence and Blood

Pros & Cons

An exclusive Doom game on mobile.

Classic enemies from the franchise to fight.

Different power ups every time you finish a level. 

Armor to upgrade Chibi Slayer.

Very colorful for a Doom game.

Every enemy has a different attack pattern. 

Defeat a boss, get rewarded with a glory kill cutscene.

THIS IS MY BOOMSTICK! 

Repetitive gameplay. 

Ads to watch.

GAME HAS HEAVY METAL MUSIC!!

My Experience

Boy this is sure a doozy to write about it. I guess this is my first Doom Game that I am reviewing. Yeah I can hear you already arguing that this is not a Doom game, it's just a mobile game. But I will argue that this kind of takes me back from the old classic games. You play as a mercenary getting sworn by enemies trying to survive and that's it. The original Doom games didn't really feature a story, I mean there were manuscripts hidden in the games, but did people even care? 

Simple Answer: No! And I can still argue that people don’t care about the story. 

So Mighty Doom has the classic formula: You aren’t locked in a room filled with monsters, monsters are locked in a room with YOU! 

Now, is the gameplay different? Yes, is this game innovative? No! You can find other mobile games with similar style and gameplay. If there’s a mobile game that features a certain gameplay aspect, you can have a safe bet there are hundreds more like it. Mighty Doom falls flat in that department. I did enjoy the game for what it is, but sadly it is plagued with everything that people hate about mobile games. Like run out of energy, wait for it to be recharged or watch ads for this upgrade or whatever. 

I truly love the design of Chibi Slayer, I like how there’s also other costumes to unlock. But I wish they could have kept it as a first person game like its predecessors. Maybe if they could have done it that way, we could be talking about a whole different game.  

Mighty Doom does feature an arcade challenge that can help kill your boredom on your phone. It is a fun game to download and just play it without thinking too much of it. It is a wacky little experience that gives a new take on Doom. I do hope they don’t forget the design of Chibi Slayer, it would be funny if they can transfer it to Doom Eternal as a costume. Nothing is more adorable than this demon slashing/bloodspilling/gut remover/bulletstorm/senseless killing/Chibi Slayer.

A mighty score: 2 out of 4 Quarters!

[allronix]

Writing a comment on this one is almost like scribbling on a El Greco. It's just fantastic. And the reply is going to have to be in separate parts.

It's only regrettable how little of this seemed to come across on screen, to the point where fantastic fellows like you have to step in and start connecting all the pixels. I think the biggest issue is that we have to rely on Word of Lucas, who is prone to changing his mind.

Shmi and the unfulfilled promise of the Sacred Hospitality story

Part of why Shmi is such a sticking point is that there's a narrative convention where a good guy establishes with his actions what he is made of, usually by doing something life threatening and heroic to save others (think Wonder Woman charging through No Man's Land to save villagers), or maybe even something small but significant to pay back someone who helped them (Tony Stark leaving a thank you note and a gadget to the kid who helped him out in Iron Man III). There's mythological motifs of the poor peasant who takes in and gives aid and comfort to what appears to be a stranded traveler, only to have that traveler turn out to be a divine messenger who rewards their kindness.

The narrative and Word of Lucas hypes the Jedi as these ultimate Good Guys, people who helped the weak and powerless. Shmi represented a way our Jedi could prove their Good Guy cred. This was a good, innocent, very sympathetic character, representing the poor and disenfranchised of the galaxy. Indeed, she was the only character in the PT interacting with Jedi who was not among the rich and powerful. So we're set up by narrative and storytelling tradition to think the Jedi are going to establish some good guy cred by helping her out, but when the payoff didn't happen, the accidental message was that unless you are wealthy, powerful, or useful to the Jedi's agenda, you aren't worthy of their help.

It certainly did not have to be "war with the Hutts" to do something. Even something small would have gone a long way. The whole "if you can't help everyone, you help no one" is a sign of moral bankruptcy and a cop out to justify helping no one. I'm thinking that scene in Doctor Who where The Doctor is trying to get his time machine out of Pompeii before the volcano, and telling his companion Donna there's nothing he can do to save the people. Donna shouts at him that even if he can't save everyone, surely he can save SOMEONE, and that's better than nothing. If you aren't familiar, The Doctor is a powerful alien with a stolen time machine who is a tad lacking in the moral compass, and usually drags along a human to act as such. Ten is right in that they can't save everyone, but Donna's got a point in that saving one person is better than none. And then when they decided to ally with the Hutts and throw the slave issue, while having an army of enslaved men they command? Well...making the good guys THAT okay with slavery is not a good look.

And given how much of a Campbell student Lucas is, it's an odd choice to do 90% of a classic mythological motif and then refuse to complete the last 10% because of something something love between mother and child is greedy and possessive, boys must be turned into men by removing them from the "childish" need for human connection, something else.

Universal love or universal indifference?

Just like when we hurt our finger, we don't think, "Oh, my finger is hurt, maybe I should help it", but rather, there is an instant and intuitive, natural response to it, our quest to be happy and not to suffer is inseparable from and complemented by the same quest of our loved ones. Unlike attachment, compassion can extend beyond the individuals who we're close with or make us feel good; based on the realization that all living things want to be happy and doesn't want to suffer, just as intensely as we and our loved ones are, it can encompass all living beings wanting to be happy and free from suffering

This is a nice and lofty concept. And like all nice and lofty concepts...I never see it work in reality and I doubt it's possible. Call it the cynicism of a burned out idealist; we're inherently selfish, sadistic, tribal and hierarchical. Neuroscience points to hard coded limits in our ability to care for others, as much as idealists want to re-code human nature to be otherwise, often by by the barrel of a gun. Sure, we can recognize that another guy across the table isn't any different from us on a situational basis. Sure, great acts of generosity and altruism happen. Can people love the theoretical concept of all mankind? Sure. Universal love, though? The more I see people IRL proclaim they're all for peace, justice, and universal love, the easier it seems to scratch of the veneer to reveal the hate for some other tribe, be it the wrong political party, religion, or the rival sports team.

I also think that there was a failure on Lucas's part to show any love from the Jedi - horizontal or otherwise - in the films themselves. On the screen and especially in Legends, they spoke empty words of horizontal love and universal compassion but truly practiced indifference. Why else would you need to sever infants from their birth families before the child has conscious memory of them? Why so willing to toss Han and Leia under the proverbial bus (they're expendable to the bigger picture of killing Sith)? Why lie to Luke about his parentage and give him a carefully crafted and half-true narrative manipulating him into loyalty? It makes sense if the end goal is to cultivate the sort of indifference you need to send a boy to kill his own father or just shrug and do nothing while the Force is screaming about someone dying.

Given the reality of a Jedi's life is as depicted, seeing the absolute worst the galaxy can offer while having very little of its joys? Yeah. Can totally see why psychic numbing, compassion fatigue, and generational PTSD would make becoming indifferent and practicing only rote "compassion" a sanity preserving measure.

If you don’t care, you don’t feel joy or pain, and you focus on what needs to get done. If you love nothing but the Force and the Order and merely view yourself as their expendable tool, the Sith have nothing to weaponize. You ignore that your companions are being tortured because they are no different from any other stranger. The Sith threatening your sister doesn't shake your calm because there is no difference between her and some random nobody. You can go and kill your dad or leave your mom to die or shrug and just accept a young, healthy woman with top notch medical care is going to die in childbirth and it's all Will of the Force. People die and it's a good thing, right? Instead of their actions demonstrating ALL life is important, it garbled into NO life is important, including/especially your own. (Maybe this is why Force Heal is treated as a Dark Side power in the ST?)

Keepers of the peace or kingmakers?

Mace's token protest that they are merely "keepers of the peace." Again, would have been nice to show them as trying to prevent the war, even if it's a scene of Shaak Ti or Ali Galda trying to keep a couple of hotheaded idiots (one Republic, one Separatist) from escalation and failing. Instead, we get this meme. As I saw recently, someone snarked that the Jedi method of peacekeeping as we see it in the movies, books, and games is lopping off the head of the jackass in charge and any other mooks in the food chain until one decides that playing ball with the Republic beats a saber to the neck. It gets to the point of Kafka comedy with the video games - we now have lightsaber dismemberment mechanics! But remember - keepers of the peace, not soldiers!

While it's true they were supposed to be monks, what comes to mind with monks and clerics is helping the poor and suffering, offering spiritual guidance, studying the mysteries of the universe, etc. They have the aesthetic of monks with their robes and temple, but their actions are more like an elite law enforcement and/or espionage organization that acts to keep the Republic as an institution afloat by choosing which leaders they support.

I'm not sure how much love Lucas and his successors actually have for democracy, as many planets and cultures in the GFFA are openly feudal or have the trappings of such. If anything, it seems the idea that if you give the people power, they won't know what to do with it and they'll just elect a crooked jerk like Palpatine. Therefore, they must be guided by the enlightened kingmakers that are his Jedi. Legends does a lot of feeding into this, especially games like KOTOR/SWTOR where your Player Character rolls into a conflict and ultimately installs their choice on the throne. But we also see this in the Disney canon stuff with how the Jedi handle their chosen allies like Padme and Satine, supporting their rule and policies, even from internal dissent.

Pro-Jedi Essay On the Life and Fate of Shmi Skywalker (long post)

Many who believe that the Jedi Order had lost their way, are pointing at the life and death of Shmi Skywalker. However, their arguments are based on unexamined assumptions regarding the role and ways how the Jedi Order operates, the political and legal reality of the Galactic Republic, or founded on morals different from those depicted and advocated by George Lucas.

This is a long essay, possibly the longest I ever wrote, since each and any discussion regarding Shmi Skywalker and the Jedi Order, is the interplay of five distinct topics, con-joined and informing each other. These are:

The Paradigms of Love: Hierarchical vs. Horizontal

The Fall of the Galactic Republic: Fallen Symbiosis

Horizontal love, Anakin Skywalker and the Jedi Way

The Dark Side of "they could've free at least Shmi!

The Life and Fate of Shmi Skywalker - the Problem with "Deserving"

The Paradigms of Love: Hierarchical vs. Horizontal

One of the core lessons throughout George Lucas Star Wars, is that we need to clear ourselves from the attitude of discrimination toward others, based on feelings of distance and closeness, and that love manifests in two ways, along the same lines. On the one hand, there is love for those who’re immediately around you – your spouse, your parents, your children, your friends, and you do everything you can to protect the people that you love, against all those others outside that very tightly drawn circle. It’s driven by attachment: whether a person is within or without that circle, is determined by whether or not you find them enjoyable, agreeable, pleasant and satisfying, or whether or not they share your beliefs and opinions. We have the idea, deeply embedded into our minds, that the willingness to put people within that circle, our ���personal relationships” first, and all the others who we have a bad, or no relationship whatsoever, second, is the measure of love, loyalty, commitment, affection and care.

On the other hand, there is unconditional love, that is compassion: wanting another person to be happy and free from suffering. By definition, compassion means to feel with, to suffer with and to experience with another - it's the sense of profound oneness, innate connectedness, a sense of being parts of each other, when we feel another person's suffering or happiness as our own. Just like when we hurt our finger, we don't think, "Oh, my finger is hurt, maybe I should help it", but rather, there is an instant and intuitive, natural response to it, our quest to be happy and not to suffer is inseparable from and complemented by the same quest of our loved ones. Unlike attachment, compassion can extend beyond the individuals who we're close with or make us feel good; based on the realization that all living things want to be happy and doesn't want to suffer, just as intensely as we and our loved ones are, it can encompass all living beings wanting to be happy and free from suffering - in fact, not even one living thing can be excluded from the circle of compassion. And therefore, if compassion is genuine, it's no longer possible to make hierarchy between the well-being of the people who're close to us and of those with whom we have adverse or no relationship at all.

It's essential to understand that genuine compassion is to abandon such hierarchical thinking, not the reversal of the hierarchy, that is to discriminate toward the people we have close, compassionate, loving and trusting and personal relationships for the sake of the people we have adverse or no relationship at all. Nor does genuine compassion allow for lowering the love, care and commitment we have for those close to us, or to forego such relationships, that is trying to avoid discriminating based on feelings of distance and closeness, by not getting close to anyone. In many ways, that's more unwholesome. Genuine compassion is horizontal: the realization that all living things want to be happy and doesn't want to suffer, just as intensely as we and our loved ones are, allows compassion, the wish for others to be happy and not to suffer, to spread effortlessly, evenly, inexhaustibly. Indifference is to say, "I care no more for my mother than I care for a stranger", compassion is to say, "I care for this stranger no less than I care for my mother." In Buddhism, indifference is the "near enemy" of non-attachment: it's mimicking it, but it pushes us into suffering.

The Fall of the Galactic Republic: Fallen Symbiosis

The Balance of the Force

George Lucas' Star Wars story is essentially about the loss and restoration of the balance of the Force. Although there are many interpretations on this concept, Lucas himself was very clear on that balance of the Force means keeping our selfishness under the check of our selflessness and avoid falling to the dark side, which is greed and self-centeredness, and being compassionate instead, which is loving each other unconditionally and caring for each other. It's dual: when you find balance, you're a compassionate individual, you control your selfish side, and you can do a lot of good things; and when you have a group made up of compassionate individuals who control their greed, you can have a symbiotic circle, which is the balance of the two sides of the Force at large, of the galaxy itself, that is selfishness being under the control of selflessness, and people come together to be as one, cooperating.

The central conflict of George Lucas’ Star Wars story is the loss of balance and the fall of a symbiotic relationship. The Galactic Republic is the galaxy forming a symbiosis, following the horizontal paradigm, existing in balance; the loss of balance is the shift from the horizontal love paradigm to the hierarchical one. "The Republic is not what it once was. The senate is full of greedy, squabbling delegates. There is no interest in the common good" and it "no longer functions" as it was said it Episode I, and as Lucas tells us, it's because "the Senators have fallen out of the symbiotic circle” and “they couldn’t agree on anything because their interests became so divergent, so they couldn’t get anything done as a Republic.” It's crucial to understand that although it's very popular to declare that the problem was the Senate, therefore, the Jedi Order was supposed to stop serving it, the issue depicted in Lucas' Star Wars is far worse and roots deeper than that. As corrupt and dysfunctional the Senate become, it was made up of senators who were elected directly or indirectly by the people of the member worlds. And as Ahsoka teaches the youth of Mandalore in Clone Wars, "citizens must be vigilant so corruption can't take root" and "it's every citizen's duty to challenge their leaders, to keep them honest and hold them accountable if they're not. Lasting change can only come from within." The horizontal love paradigm was declining in the entire galaxy, with individuals no longer operating as a group, no longer running their democracies, slowly drifting towards the hierarchical paradigm, which eventually erupted in the Separatist movement and the Clone Wars, resulting in the galaxy's fall to the dark side: the Galactic Empire. As Lucas summarizes the fate of the Republic: "well, the people gave it away." One of the core reasons why the "Jedi lost their way" theory gained a foothold is because the people are very much troubled by this notion, since it reveals that they have all the responsibility for maintaining democracies.

Understanding the Hutts and Hutt Space

The existence of slavery at the Outer Rim is the result of the gradual decline of the Galactic Republic. Tatooine is an out of the way, small, poor, sparsely populated planet on the outer rim of the galaxy, the home of the Jawas, the Sand People, scavengers and moisture farmers, controlled by the Hutt families who are vile galactic gangsters. It's part of the galactic underworld, where the anti-slavery laws of Republic, that are, as Padmé says, outlawing slavery in the entire galaxy, are not respected. As Shmi states, "The Republic doesn't exist out here. We must survive on our own." On Tatooine, the Republic's currency has no value, as people want "something more real", like ships, pods or slaves or "wupiupi" which is most likely made of something that has value on its own. Being the den of a powerful crime lord, the planet's spaceports, where slavery thrives, are "havens for those that don't wish to be found" and a "wretched hive of scum and villainy" - it's no surprise that in the cities grown around them, holding others hostage for economic gains or pleasure, which is against the laws established by the Galactic Republic as well, is part of everyday life. Hutt-controlled Tatooine is not a "slave state" as opposed to the "free states" of the Galactic Republic, like in the pre-1865 USA, nor it's an entity that shares borders with the Republic. In truth, Hutt Space, and everything within its borders can be paralleled only to those areas of Sudan, Liberia, Sierra Leone, Uganda, Congo, Niger and Mauritania, where the government has no effective control, and slavery is still alive and well in 2023. Although Jabba and the others are usually addressed respectfully, they're universally regarded as "criminals" or "vile gangsters." When Palpatine says, they must reach an agreement with Jabba, Mace Windu replies: "I don't like this, dealing with that criminal scum. This is a dark day for the Republic."

The Jedi Order: Guardians of the Waining Light

The Jedi Order was well aware of that the Force is out of balance. As Lucas says, "[Dooku] carries the sympathies of most of the Jedi, which is that the senate is corrupt and it's incapable of carrying on any meaningful action, because they argue about everything all the time" however, restoring lost balance cannot be done through force, only through bringing compassion and sanity back to the Senate and the galaxy. Many who believe, the Jedi Order had lost its way, argue, the Jedi Knights failed as guardians of peace and justice, neglected their duties and turned their backs on the most vulnerable - however, such allegations are founded on the idea that they were supposed to be the ones in the universe who erase injustice, conflict, and wrongdoing. It's very important to remember that the Jedi Knights, as they state it repeatedly throughout the Saga, are "keepers of peace, not soldiers" and "not warriors." Even though the Jedi Knights were inarguably very good warriors, in Episode II, it was illustrated powerfully that they cannot win on the battlefield. "A lot of people say, 'What good is a lightsaber against a tank?' The Jedi weren’t meant to fight wars. That’s the big issue in the prequels" Lucas reminds us. "If they do have to use violence, they will, but they are diplomats at the highest level" and "they don't kill people. They don't fight," and they "weren't mean to fight wars." If they Jedi would've decide to wage a war on the Hutts, the war would've siphon off Jedi Knights, neglecting the rest of the galaxy and they’d have lost, most of them killed, making things even worse.

The essential difference between a Jedi Knight and a superhero is that superheroes are fundamentally god-like individuals who fight our battles for us: they topple dictators, stop corrupt politicians and greedy companies, they fend off armies, stop us from destroying ourselves. A Jedi Knight cannot and won't do that. As George Lucas says, "[the Jedi Knights] were never designed to be a superhero or anything like that. They were designed to be a Buddhist monk, who happened to be a very good warrior." Whenever they're do involved in battles, they do so in order to protect key figures who're able to unite their people against the forces of greed and destruction, like Padmé Amidala, both Queen and Senator, and Duchess Satine. They worked closely with the Chancellor of the Republic, especially with Palpatine, who promised to fight off corruption in the Senate and lead the galaxy toward a better future. They are “monk-warriors” who are “monks first, and they try to convince people to get along.” They’re “ultimate father figures” and “intergalactic therapists” and “warrior-monks who keep peace in the universe without resorting to violence.” They are heavily reliant on compassionate, democratic, thus strong galactic community, the ever-growing symbiotic circle, to guard peace and justice: the Jedi Order needed the Republic, and later, the Rebellion, to succeed. And they had reassurance that the lost balance will be restored: it was prophesied that the Chosen One will come and bring balance to the Force.

Horizontal Love, Anakin Skywalker and the Jedi Way

Widely popularized ideas are that the reason why Anakin is not going back to Tatooine to free Shmi, is because he was forbidden by the Jedi Council to do so; he expected something fundamentally different regarding the Jedi teachings, or their way of life, their limitations or the way how they operate - however, these ideas are not just lacking any rational basis in the actual story, but also wildly contradictory to Anakin's portrayal. In truth, all these assumptions are stemming from fans conflating their own expectations and perceptions regarding the Jedi Order with how Anakin and other characters are actually viewing them, and/or the desire to see the hierarchical love paradigm being affirmed by Star Wars.

"I had a dream I was a Jedi. I came back here and freed all the slaves"

In Episode I, Anakin Skywalker is a very compassionate, very selfless and very good kid, who gives without a thought of reward and know nothing of greed, who dreams of becoming a Jedi Knight, and he is very clearly thinking along the lines of the horizontal model of love. He tells Qui-Gon, "I had a dream I was a Jedi. I came back here and freed all the slaves. Have you come to free us?" which clearly shows that he considers himself as part of a team, encompassing all the slaves in Tatooine, and in his mind, a Jedi Knight is not only freeing his mother and friends, the people he's close with, but everyone. When he is about to leave with Qui-Gon to actually become a Jedi Knight, he vows, “I will come back and free you, mom” and we know that he plans to achieve this by making his dream come true.

Anakin's situation is the same as Padmé's in Episode I: while Naboo is invaded and its people are tortured, Padmé does not establish a hierarchy between the well-being of her loved ones and the well-being of the rest of the Naboo, but decides to go with Qui-Gon to Coruscant to ask the help of the Senate, which was supposed to be the quickest, easiest and most effective way of freeing her planet. Anakin leaves with Qui-Gon for the Jedi Temple at the heart of the Republic, to become a Jedi Knight, to become the hero who will return and bring freedom to his mother and all of the slaves.

It's to be noted that even though a portion of the Star Wars fandom criticizes the Jedi Knights for not ending slavery on Tatooine or not trying to free at least Shmi, accusing them with indifference or failure to do their duty to guard peace of justice, Anakin Skywalker himself doesn't hold these opinions. He knows that a Jedi Knight brings peace and justice, and his expectations that as one of them, he will free his mother and all the slaves, is realistic: the anti-slavery laws of the Republic are outlawing slavery in the entire galaxy, and in the past, with a functioning Republic, the Jedi Order dismantled the slave empire of Zygerria, enforcing the laws, guarding peace and justice. It's very important to notice, that even though he believes, "no one can kill a Jedi", it never once occurs to him to cast stones on Qui-Gon or the Jedi Order for the conditions on Tatooine - he's offering his help so they can leave the planet and continue their journey to Coruscant as soon as possible. Never once suggests that they should go to battle against the slavers, or use violence against them, not even when he realizes that Shmi must stay on Tatooine. All this clearly shows, he understands and adheres to the Jedi way. Even more so, the only thing that Anakin is shown to be wrong about the Jedi Knights was his belief, "no one can kill a Jedi" - never once he gives any reason for us to believe that he expected something fundamentally different regarding the Jedi teachings, or their way of life, their limitations or the way how they operate. It should be noted that it's not the Jedi Order, but the Republic, what he becomes more and more frustrated with: in Episode II, he admits, "I don't think the system works," believing, if the people can't agree on what's the best for the most people, "Well, then they should be made to."

Anakin's Decision and the Circumstances on Tatooine

Part of the problem is that slavery is a very emotionally charged issue to discuss and for some, this may result in a quite misguided assumption: the fact, Anakin and Shmi were enslaved, means, the mistreatment of the slaves of ancient times, the torture and brutal dehumanization of enslaved black people in the southern U.S. as well as the suffering of victims of modern day slavery, are all integral part of their lives on Tatooine. Oftentimes, it's founded on the belief that their enslavement indicates, signifies, represents slavery in general, thus, it must be viewed, imagined, discussed through the historical, cultural, political and social parameters in which the Atlantic slave trade, how it relates to the U.S. and the West as a whole, is central. However, such approach is highly problematic: the type of slavery they were subjected to, lacked, and therefore wasn't the offshoot of the dehumanizing brutality of racism. In George Lucas' Star Wars story, slaveholders were shown to recognize differences between species, but they collapsed those differences to the consideration: “the weak deserve nothing more than to kneel before the strong, bound to our service.” This type of slavery obviously can, and often will result in brutal, inhuman treatment, but it's crucially important to acknowledge that just like Ancient Greek, Roman and Egyptian slavery was very different from the type of slavery in the southern U.S., slavery in Star Wars also has different political, cultural and social aspects and it must be examined and discussed accordingly.

In Episode I, the Skywalkers were shown to lead a life similar to a serf - they lived independently from their slaver, owned personal property and money, were able to negotiate transactions, had considerable freedom in their daily lives. Anakin was shown to feel safe to talk back to Watto, to declare, he won't let himself being defined by his status as a slave, to speak his mind and to confront Sebulba, or to discuss his plan to locate his transmitter and escape, with strangers, and it was shown that a slave is expensive enough that the prospect of having to pay for it, stopped someone as aggressive and hateful as Sebulba from harming Anakin. Although Watto didn't seem to be bothered by promising Anakin to Qui-Gon, which could indicate that it was accepted to split families, it's worth to consider that Watto believed his win to be a fact, thus Anakin will remain his slave, and that he knew that Qui-Gon is from somewhere where the Republic enforces its laws, which explains, why he's not surprised at all when Qui-Gon says, since he won the bet, Watto must release Anakin, rather than transferring ownership.

It would be important to note that when he left Tatooine, the cause of Anakin's distress was that he will be on his own and without his mum, missing her, and he become afraid of losing his mother; one must realize that's different from and not the same as being afraid for her life and being worried for her wellbeing. In Episode II, he states, he doesn't understand, why he would have nightmares about her, and when he realizes that he's having premonitions, and returns to Tatooine, his behavior toward Watto is quite friendly, rather than jumping to the conclusion that it must be his former slaver, who harmed Shmi. In fact, George Lucas indicated, Anakin and Watto's reunion in Episode II is analogous to visiting old high school teachers as young adults. What this tells us is that the slaves of those who could very easily afford new ones - such as Zygerrian nobility and Jabba the Hutt - lived a particularly brutal existence, however, most of the enslaved were able to lead a hard, but relatively normal and relatively safe life. Thus, even though Shmi wasn't left in the best circumstances, those circumstances allowed Anakin to leave with the certainty that he will be able to save her.

The Dark Side of "they could've free at least Shmi!"

Those people who attach special importance and urgency to Shmi's freedom and insist, Qui-Gon and the Jedi Order was obligated to at least free her, are do so because they like her and they believe she deserves it, or for some, it's Anakin whom they like and therefore they don't want him to be sad without his mum. It's generally unsaid and not even conscious, this type of reasoning postulates that you can and actually, you should arrange people's right to be free into a hierarchy, with those who meet with your standards of goodness who you're close to, or who would make someone you like happy, are enjoying priority over those who you think aren't nice or have no relationship with. Helping those slaves, as this logic goes, is less urgent, they can and they should endure slavery for a bit longer, until the most or more deserving ones are freed. It shouldn't be hard to see, how this way of thinking is actually the flip-side of the way of thinking that condones the institution of slavery, nothing more, nothing less. We have a strong tendency to prioritize the wellbeing of the people who are close to us, who make us feel good, to consider the suffering of people who made us feel bad as well-deserved, to be less concerned, indifferent toward those who we have no relationship at all. But, this tendency is a flaw and it would be important to notice, this is not what Anakin and Shmi would want.

George Lucas’ Star Wars story doesn’t tell us that a non-violent method is the only possible response to injustice and wrongdoing, however, it’s important to point out that this doesn’t mean that it’s ever right to intentionally harm another - but in order to achieve greater benefit for a greater number of people, or when there is no other way to save the defenseless against the aggressor, or it’s an either you or them situation, you can certainly use a violent method. If we examine the situation, killing Watto doesn’t meet with these requirements - it has to do more with the desire to inflict harm upon him or the urge to hit out of those who’re outside of the circle of our personal relationships. Threatening Watto with a lightsaber wouldn’t be as harsh as killing him, but there is no way of preventing him from crying for help - unless killing him - and that would lead to even more killing, not to mention that chances to leave the spaceport would shrink greatly. Therefore, these aren't wholesome responses, and it should be clear why Shmi and Anakin, although he believes, "no one can kill a Jedi," never once suggests that Qui-Gon should go to battle against the slavers, or use violence against them, not even when he realizes that Shmi must stay on Tatooine as Watto's slave, he does not cast stones on him or the Jedi Order for not going to Tatooine to save her. He clearly adheres to these principles in Episode II when he sneaks into the Tusken camp, rather than massacring his way to his mother, but when she dies, out of anger and hate, he wipes them out to avenge her, and in the Clone Wars, he slowly, but steadily becomes more and more willing to kill his opponents, even when he has other options.

A note on Qui-Gon Jinn

Sometimes, Qui-Gon Jinn is accused with being indifferent and ungrateful for not freeing Shmi Skywalker, but, once all unexamined assumptions about the Jedi Order are cleared away, once the dark side of the "they could've save at least Shmi!" is acknowledged, we must realize, Qui-Gon takes Anakin to the Jedi Temple, because he realized, he discovered the promised Chosen One - making him a Jedi Knight, a guardian of peace and justice, giving him the proper training and upbringing to fulfill his destiny, would restore balance to the Force: selfishness under the control of selflessness, people are together as one, cooperating, the Republic functioning enforcing its laws and principles, ending slavery, as it did in the past.

When Shmi asks him, whether he is able to help Anakin to escape slavery, Qui-Gon replies, "I don't know. I didn't actually come here to free slaves." It become popular to assert, this somehow must mean that Qui-Gon is not interested in or he is not intending to free slaves, however, simply no compelling rational basis exists for this assertion. Qui-Gon Jinn is not on Tatooine to free slaves, he was forced to land on the planet ruled by a crime lord, in the middle of a mission to escort a queen who must save millions, to the capital, and he is in desperate need of help. The reason slavery exists in the galaxy is because the Republic no longer functions and fails to enforce its anti-slavery laws. Misinterpreting and misrepresenting these facts is grounded on ingrained mistaken assumptions. In addition, there are those in whom the words, "I didn't actually come here to free slaves" are triggering an emotion that, overthrowing reason, demands them to react with "if he is not on Tatooine to free slaves, he doesn't want to tear down the system!" Which, of course, lacks any sane basis.

The Life and Fate of Shmi Skywalker - the Problem with "Deserving"

It was Shmi Skywalker who taught her son, "the biggest problem in this universe is nobody helps each other." She, just like Anakin, gave without the thought of reward and was full of compassion: despite she was a slave on a world made of dust, Shmi had unwavering commitment to, and raised her son in the spirit of the horizontal love paradigm, was willing to offer refuge to strangers in her home and sharing her meal with them, and was willing to let her son go, so he can become a guardian of peace and justice in the entire galaxy.

Shmi Skywalker, just like her son, had no misconceptions about the Jedi Order and the galaxy: she didn't accuse Qui-Gon or the Jedi in general with failing their duties or being indifferent toward them, and even though she was well aware that the failing Republic abandoned her, she took no pleasure in the misery in the misfortune of Padmé and the others, but was willing to help and letting Anakin to help them. After Anakin left Tatooine to begin his Jedi training, Shmi was freed from salvery by Cliegg Lars, a moisture farmer who later married her. One day, when she was out in the morning gathering mushrooms, she was abducted by Tusken raiders, and she was subjected to brutal torture. Anakin returned to Tatooine to save her, but when they reunited, Shmi succumbed to her wounds and died in his arms. She didn’t ask her son to avenge her, she wasn’t bitter, hateful, angry, fearful. She was happy: “Now I’m complete” and she had nothing to say but, “I love you.” In Clone Wars, Anakin, referring to him wiping out the Tusken village out of revenge, claims "I failed as a Jedi, and I failed you" - implying that Shmi, taught him the same morals and ethics as the Jedi Order.

We tend to believe that the world is under the direction of a cosmic moral judge, rewarding good people and punishing bad people - for this, the fate of Shmi Skywalker is often deemed undeserved. From such notions, follows the idea that Qui-Gon Jinn or the Jedi Order was supposed to make sure that justice will be served for her, and what happened to her must be the result of that those, who were supposed to be agents of that cosmic judge, were failed to do their duties. However, the harsh truth is that, the probability of Shmi being abducted by Tusken raiders on Tatooine was the same as the probability of being murdered on any other planet, say, Coruscant. George Lucas' Star Wars presents a cosmos that is devoid of a cosmic system of reward and punishment, and attempts to blame her death on the Jedi Order is quite desperate. The life and death of Shmi Skywalker illustrates the lesson, life will do its own thing, it's not working as a mechanism by which the universe will bring good to good people, bad to bad people. We're interconnected, our lives are interwoven into each other, what happens to us is the product of the actions of others as well as our own, and determined by the degree of balance between selfishness and selflessness without ourselves as well as within others. The greed of Nute Gunray led to the invasion of Naboo and the death of Qui-Gon Jinn, but also led Qui-Gon to Tatooine, where he found Anakin. Shmi let her son go, and her action resulted in the liberation of Naboo, but a decade later, also the formation of the Empire, the destruction of Alderaan, and eventually the death of the Sith and the restoration of balance. Shmi being freed by Lars led to her death in a Tusken camp, Lars marrying Shmi led to his son dying by the hands of imperial storm troopers. All of existence is a vast nexus of causes and conditions, constantly changing, in which everything is interconnected to everything else. Shmi Skywalker illustrates, happiness is not in a reward-punishment system that distributes good and bad among living things based on whether or not they were good or bad. Tapping into her compassion, she was able to accept the reality of the ebb and flow of pleasure and pain of being alive, and was able to find an inexhaustible source of contentment, peace and joy, strength, determination and hope.

Sources:

Star Wars Archives 1999-2005

Star Wars: The Phantom Menace “Prime of the Jedi” featurette

George Lucas’ foreword for Shatterpoint by Matthew Stower 

Interviews with George Lucas 1 2 3 4 5

George Lucas' audio commentary for his Saga

Star Wars Saga and Star Wars: The Clone Wars

Please note: I used no Disney or Legends Star Wars materials, (save for the one Shatterpoint foreword) - but I accept that others may found their own reading on them, thus, might come to different conclusions than I do.

[i-am-bitterly-jittery]

hihi! for your 500 followers,as a story, i dont ever see much Anxciet so if you could do something around that, (likely romantic, but platonic is nice too) and literally any story line you can think of, your an amazing writer and i love some good Anxciet when i find it!! have an amazing day!!

Thank you!! 💜💜💜

Quiet Day Cuddles

Rating: gen

Word Count: 311

Pairing: Anxceit 💜💛

Notes: pure tooth rotting fluff, I tried to make it longer and plottier but the boys just wanted to be cute and cuddly

Shoutout to @selfdestructivecat for suggesting that Virgil’s anxiety medication inducing emotional support cat be named Lexi after the medication Lexapro

~~~START~~~

Virgil was having a quiet day where he stayed in his room all day, listening to music through his headphones and sketching in his notebook. Lexi was lying on his desk, purring every time he petted her.

A nice quiet day.

A warm weight draped itself over his back, and a pair of gloves hands tucked themselves into his hoodie pocket. Virgil smiled to himself and pulled his headphones off.

“Can I help you?” He chuckled.

“If you don’t give me attention I’ll die,” Janus huffed, hooking his head over Virgil’s shoulder.

“Aww, poor baby,” Virgil smirked. Janus halfhearted hissed at him, but when Virgil brought a hand up to play with his hair, he went boneless against the anxious Side’s back. “Is this what you wanted?”

“No,” Janus purred. “This is awful.”

Virgil laughed again and placed a kiss over Janus’s scales. Janus preened at the attention.

An annoyed mrrow came from the desk. Virgil turned to find Lexi glaring at him, disconcerted that she was no longer receiving pets.

“My two needy babies,” he laughed, using his free hand to stroke her fur, placating her.

“Do not equate me to the cat,” Janus hissed. Virgil smirked, and Janus realized what was about to happen. “Don’t you dare-!”

Too late, Virgil booped him on the nose and Janus’s tongue snuck out without his permission.

“He blep!” Virgil gasped before doing the same to Lexi, who stuck her tongue out as well. “She blep!”

“I hate you.”

“Mhm,” Virgil hummed, unrepentant.

They sat in comfortable silence for long enough that Janus was almost asleep when Virgil next spoke.

“I love you.”

“Hmm,” Janus sighed sleepily. “I don’t love you too.”

“Almost as much as I love Lexi,” Virgil added.

“That’s it, I’m breaking up with you,” Janus complained, despite not moving an inch from his position cuddled up behind Virgil.

“Liar.”

~~~END~~~

I’m still taking requests until tomorrow at midnight PST (so until 2022) 💜

General taglist:

@royalty-of-all-things-snuggly @pixelated-pineapple @knight-shives

[geraskierficrecs]

Modern AU Stories

when midnights break their sleep by SummerFrost

The first Snapchat that anyone ever sends Geralt is a picture of his own irritated face.

shrike_princess: can u believe this dumbass finally got a snapchat bc a cute boy asked him nicely

"It wasn't even that nicely," Geralt says flatly.

AKA: The one where Geralt is a bartender and Jaskier sings karaoke.

(This is one of my favorite stories in the fandom.  I love it so much!!)

Give Me Nothing, Give Me You by dis

Ciri's kindergarten letter comes in the mail on a Tuesday. Geralt opens it, skims it, and frowns at the class his daughter has been assigned.

Dandelions.

Or: A modern AU with Dad!Geralt and Teacher!Jaskier.

Chopsticks by thisgirlsays22

“Yennefer sent me a check for eight lessons for you,” Jaskier said the following weekend, wearing a beige button-down with--

“Does your shirt have owls on it?” Geralt asked, caught somewhere between amusement and horror.

Jaskier looked down and tugged on the front of his shirt as if he had to remind himself what was on it. He beamed at Geralt. “Yeah! Do you like it?”

“Not particularly.”

The smile swiftly disappeared.

“It’s not terrible,” he amended, stepping back to let Jaskier inside the apartment. Then Jaskier’s initial words sank in. “Wait. Yen did what?”

Hanging up on Yennefer was always a mistake.

New Monster Stories by kathkin

“So do you have a name?”

“Yeah.” The man who had saved his life less than an hour ago – the white-haired, absurdly buff, weirdly sexy man Jaskier might have called taciturn if he was feeling charitable and surly if he was feeling less so – dug into his second burger.

Jaskier waited. “Are… you going to tell me what it is?”

The man paused mid-bite, and looked at him reproachfully as if to say how dare you. How dare you interrupt me. Can’t you see I’m enjoying my cheeseburger. Can’t you see this cheeseburger is the most important thing in my life right at the moment. He swallowed, and said, “Geralt.”

It turns out almost getting eaten by a werewolf can make your whole life go careening off in a new, terrifying, wondrous, artistically flourishing direction. Who knew?

Where There’s a Witcher by ghostinthelibrary

Jaskier is a twentysomething recently unemployed journalist and amateur musician looking for his big break. So when he’s saved from the jaws of a wyvern by the infamous Butcher of Blaviken, Geralt of Rivia, he comes up with a brilliant idea: he’ll follow the Witcher around and sing about their exploits. He’ll gain fame and fortune and Geralt will get a much needed image rehab. Everyone wins. Unless Jaskier goes and falls in love like an idiot.

Only Human Series by ghostintxelibrary

It’s a Tuesday, so someone is threatening to kill Jaskier.

Geralt doesn’t know why he’s surprised anymore.

Geralt moonlights as a superpowered vigilante called the Witcher, but his cover identity is the mild-mannered Geralt Rivia, reporter at The Continental Press. Jaskier is an entertainment writer at the Press and Geralt’s ex-boyfriend. He's obsessed with the Witcher, the vigilante who has saved his life multiple times. When Geralt is blackmailed by a powerful sorcerer into pursuing the Shrike, a serial killer who’s been targeting abusive men, Jaskier gets involved, despite Geralt’s best efforts.

(Seriously, all of her stuff is amazing.  Read it all.)

Thieves and Riches

Geralt is just trying to do a favor for an old friend when he finds himself tied up and shoved into a storage closet by a group of robbers. There he meets Jaskier, an enigmatic cat burglar who is a little too good at teasing a reaction of the normally stoic detective.

I’ll Never Be Free From Your Smile by whisperedstory

Geralt isn't sure how he got here, standing in his kitchen in black gym shorts and a baby pink—baby fucking pink—shirt that stretches too tightly over his muscles and has Toss a Coin written in sparkling gold letters across his chest while Jaskier is aiming a camera at his face.

Or: Jaskier is a YouTuber and Geralt is his best friend and roommate.

Next to You by Bean_Writes

Moving to a new town is one thing. Moving to a new town, becoming best friends with his neighbor and falling head over heels for her dad is something entirely different.

In his second year of college, Jaskier struggles with his undying crush on Geralt, Ciri's dad. It also doesn't help that the man's job involves him looking like an absolute wet dream come true, emerging from beneath a car, muscles flexing, slick with sweat and grease.

He's really fucked.

The Tale of Jaskier's Grudge Against Historians (and how they gave him his happy ending anyway) by notebooksandlaptops

[Text Sent From Ciri] Is there a reason why a love letter to Yen and Geralt is in the British Museum signed from you?? -C

[Text Sent to Ciri] Because Historians are nosey pricks. Do NOT tell your parents. -J

[Text Sent From Ciri] ;) – C

The winking face of a semicolon and a bracket stared up at him, composed of unforgiving pixels. She wouldn’t, would she? No. No. She couldn’t. She wouldn’t.

She wouldn’t.

-///-

Or, an exploration of the reason (immortal) Jaskier hates historians (hint: it's because they keep stealing his shit and putting it on display)

[a-sweeter-solarsystem]

Behind the scenes time!!  There’s a lot for me to ramble about but in case some of y’all wanted more lore here it be~

Timeline

Calgrach, the awoken in the animation, spent most of his early time in the vanguard in a fireteam of corrupt guardians.  His leader, a hunter who was a former member of the Shadows of Yor, lead the fireteam on multiple missions to steal weapon data and attempt to use it against the vanguard.  From that connection, the stories of Shin Malphur were one of the very first things Cal had learned about.  Shin was a boogyman.  A figure who, if he didn’t follow his fireteam’s orders, would hunt him down and kill him.  There were many things that the fireteam used to scare Cal, and to this day Cal is still wary towards those who tell stories of the man with the golden gun. This animation depicts a moment in time where Cal saw Shin Malphur with his own eyes.  While out on patrol, he couldn’t shake the feeling that he was being followed.  At first, he thought it was one of his fireteam members pulling a nasty prank.  But, when he turned to confront them, he saw Shin starting down at him, golden gun in hand still smoking from the last bullet it shot.  Needless to say, the newlight hunter was mortified at the sight.  But, unlike what his team had warned him, Shin merely stared at him a moment before turning away.  He never said a word, never made any signs or gestures to him.  He just watched.  And then he left.  That small moment was a seed of doubt Shin planted in Cal’s mind that maybe his fireteam wasn’t what it seemed.

I'll give you a gift hunter.

One I do not give freely.

I see your blood is not stained in the same way their is.

They've wiped their hands on yours.

They've marked you.

They watch you, as do I.

You still have fire inside.

You've grown used to it, it feels cold.

Reignite it.

Burn the blind the placed on you.

And use the gift I've given you to break free.

Deliver them the thing they spit upon:

Mercy.

Trusting the Process

So!  Fun fact!  For most of my animations that involve characters wearing armor I almost always use 3D models as a base!  I find the workflow to be so much faster (and the end product look a lot clearer) instead of having to sketch out something from scratch and add all the details in that way. 

Especially for a project like this where I was trying to really nail that destiny cutscene style, it was really important for me to get things looking as close to the real thing as possible.  The 3D models were all made by me using blender (the assets were a combination of Oliver J’s Human generator, D2 models ripped using the destiny D.A.R.E. tool, and texture modifications all painstakingly edited by yours truely).

All of the actual animation, such as the motions of the cape and the small body movements, were all done as normal animation!  Speaking of, I hated animating Shin’s cape in the beginning with my whole being (/j)

I ended up finding a pixel art tutorial of all things to help be get the base shape for how the bottom of the cape should look, and used a similar process to get the side of the cape flowing in time with the bottom.  Thankfully most of the other animation was very simple and I was able to do it just by moving parts of the lineart around.  It still required a bit of cleanup work afterward though to fix all the wonky lines ;w;;

Let me just say it now, the destiny art team have the patience of saints to do all the hash shading it takes to make the cutscenes look the way they do.  I consider my work to be on the lazier side of shading in comparison, cause hooo boy did I struggle to get the textures looking right,,

For example, this was originally what I had used for the shading for Shin:

Looks really pretty right?  Now, imagine animating this without making the shaded lines look off/funky at random points.  Not so pretty looking now is it?  There’s a reason why a lot of the destiny cutscenes use static images moving about a screen instead of fuller animation like I did :’)

And last lil detail to mention...the backgrounds.

I need you all to understand.  I’m gripping you by the shoulders here.  I...I hate drawing backgrounds.  I really do.  It takes so much time and effort to get it to look right especially for shots dependant on perspectives.  On top of having to make backgrounds that matched the destiny cutscene style....i’ll be honest and got a lil lazy towards the end

LOOK BACKGROUNDS ARE HARD OKAY!!!  THIS IMAGE WAS ONE OF THE EXTREMELY FEW REFERENCES OF A FORESTY BACKGROUND I HAD TO WORK OFF OF:

I couldn’t even cheat and use the foliage brushes I usually do cause it just didn’t look right *sob*

Past me didn’t save the previous iterations of the backgrounds for the 2nd and 3rd shot but trust me, they were rough before I went back over them for a second time to make them look like they do now.

Tiny Details

A moment of appreciation for these two shots.  The first one was the one I completed first, even when all the others were at similar stages, solely because I just wanted to be done shading that darn cape.  Also the background for this third shot??  I was struggling with it at first and I’m so glad that I managed to get it at a point I was happy with.

However one tiny detail y’all probably didn’t notice was that the golden gun ripples move!! 

Those white fractures on the gun there??  They move ever so slightly to try and emulate that cracking golden gun effect hunters have.  Adding smoke made everything look too distracting in the end, but there was no way I was gonna miss out on havin them cracks.

This animation was started officially on May 16th according to my file records.  I didn’t work on it every day (I would’ve either gone mad or had the animation done way sooner if that were the case) but It did take quite a huge chunk of time to work on.  I’m just happy that, with the feedback I’ve been getting, a lot of folks said I nailed the destiny cutscene style and that alone makes me feel like I succeeded with this animation  。.:☆*:･ ヽ(・∀・)ﾉ

More animations to come in the future!!  but for now this boy is gonna go rest and do some fishing over on the EDZ.

IT'S FINALLY DONE!!! GAHHH I spent almost a month on this bad boy but y'all have no idea how excited I am that it's finally finished and I can share it with the world ;D;; I'll be posting some behind the scenes goodies in a bit! For now though, enjoy the fruits of my labor