#not a vent fortunately

[oblique-lane]

"Just a bunch more biblical paintings then I'll go back to drawing yaoi" Or you can do both, renaissance style, Michelangelo or Raphael I honestly forgot who drew those naked men on the Sistine Chapel's ceilings ok bad joke aside: I'd love hearing more about your headcannons, specifically about the childhoods of the characters (ranging from the mercs, to Miss pauling, the Administrator, hell anyone you have ideas about!)

Childhood headcanons... How did you know I've had something about that on my mind? Alright, let's talk about...

Little Sniper

(Lots of trigger warnings ahead, check tags!)

Mundy was obviously an unhappy child. When I imagine the surroundings he grew up in, I see miles and miles of empty landscapes, dry yellow grass, unkept barns destroyed by rust and a deep choking sense of loneliness.

The closest neighbour woul be so far away you better bring a bicycle with you if you want to visit. School and Church were the only places to go, which were also very far away. No kids his age nearby. And even if there were peers at school, no one wanted him anyway.

Mundy was "weird", he didn't quite understand other kids' jokes, didn't get what was so fun about what everyone else enjoying to do; he was weaker, always loosing in close fights; he didn't even look very local for whatever reason. Even if he tried to get along with someone, it either ended up with him being ostracized or with him experiencing the greatest boredom imaginable. And the kids quickly picked up on his "difference", making him an object of bullying.

It started with making fun of everything Mundy does, his habits and speech patterns, his morals and ideas... Which wasn't anything too big for him but it was still very annoying and upsetting, he grew to hate school very quickly.

Coming home being exhausted from this kind of socializing, no one would really comfort him. Being very little, he used to tell on his bullies to his parents, telling how hurt he was by their words... And it would only made a mess in his family.

Overreactive mother: "Poor baby, I'm so sorry, I'll tell their parents to stop being mean, my little little baby, maybe we can go homeschooling..."

And a strict father: "Are you a man or what? Yeah, he will end up a bloody baby if you keep spoiling him like that! Suck it up! Of you can't stand for yourself, no one will. At this pace you'll end up a nobody, with no home nor respect from the world".

Mundy didn't want to be neither a baby nor a disappointment. He figured that sharing his feelings with parents wouldn't be that good of an idea, they won't understand anyway. And also that he must fight somehow.

If he can't win in close fights, he thought, he could hit them from a distance: throwing small rocks at the bullies from up the tree...

–He was punished for that. For some reason, every time Mundy fought back, he was scolded by the elders, who for some reason always believed the bullies that HE was the one starting the fights. They forbid him to fight back. He closed his feelings shut and stopped paying attention to almost everything around him.

Why was it like that? Why was he so different from other kids, why couldn't he understand them? Why couldn't he understand anyone in this world? The world was a mess of unspoken rules and suffering, overcoming oneself, pain; he couldn't fit in. He was always on the wrong even if he didn't do anything. He felt like an outsider everywhere he went.

Sometimes he wondered if he was born into a wrong family or that he wasn't a human at all. Looking at the night sky, he was thinking about aliens, maybe they would come to him someday and take him to the planet he truly belongs, being accidentally swapped at birth. Maybe then he will be happy, he will leave this sickening place and finally start living. He thought about dying, too.

He started to spend a lot of time in the forest any chance he got. He was alone here, unwatched, somewhat free. It was easier to breathe here. He was alone but it didn't feel worse than being with those people. He played by himself. He started to believe that he actually liked loneliness.

As Mundy and his peers grew older, the kids started to become more and more savage, thanks to the hormones and age crisis. Bullying intensified as those kids started to feel the need to assert themselves. Mundy was maliciously beaten (he fought back as much as he could and even win sometimes, but the beating only got worse each time). They used any chance to humiliate him.

And each time after that Mundy would take the knife or his father's shotgun and go to the forest to take his anger on animals, "hunting", since he couldn't do anything to fix the root of the problem.

He would hunt for something small, like birds or feral rabbits so he could butcher them and cook on fire to eat. At moments like this he felt like a beast, and somehow it was the most pleasant state for him to be in.

There were no words available to form his pain into, so the pain came through violence. The more violent his abusers became, the more violent he was at his "hunting". The more he felt his father's gaze piercing him with disappointment, the sharper his knife movements would get. Sometimes he would let the bodies to just rot like that, completely butchered in a very non-culinary way.

(Maybe someday he would lure one of those bastards to the forest and kill him the same way and blame it on an animal attack)

And at some point... His classmates would came up with something that would cross all the lines of forgivable. Somewhere there was the peak of what they could do. Something beyond.

There wasn't a known way to him to deal with that. No known words. Everyone would be so grossed out of him if they knew. He was beyond disgusted with himself, too. What was the point of living now?

That day he would shot a wild boar, take his machete out and cut it open, butcher it the way his father would when they wanted a pork dinner for the night... And reached to its heart.

The heart is where the love is stored, right? That's what people say when referring to this "love" he'd never seem to know. A dark read bloody organ that feels like sponge inside of thin rubber. There's something about this that Mundy lacks. He has a heart too, it's pulsating inside him, but for some reason it was unable to produce the "love", a very necessary fluid for a human body. He wondered if it's sweet. He wondered if he was even able to taste it.

He took a bite... And realized what he was doing.

He was, indeed, a monster.

When he went back home, later than usual, he would be met with his father's gaze. He was always throwing gazes, for every occasion, Mundy was used to feel small and guilty under them. But this time... It felt somehow much more personal. More disturbing.

His father looked at him as if he was a dirty little creature, a rat, a maggot. He looked at him the way one would look at a criminal who wronged their whole family. He looked at him like he knew.

His father didn't say anything that day and it wasn't brought up ever again.

Mundy was indeed a monster who was utterly terrified of this though. He didn't want to be one. He made a promise to himself that everything he does will be morally justified, he promised himself to become a good... decent person. He would earn his place in the world, even if his father, everyone else denies it.

It gets blurry at this point. Sniper doesn't really remember his life before about 17, when he was finishing school and starting to work on his sniper licence. For some reason he always knew he would be good at shooting and killing. When remembering his home, Sniper would recall the smell of grass, mother's cooking, the warm sun, and a steady life he had. He knew it was boring, but it still somehow felt like home. Home he felt was lost somewhere he didn't remember.

Either way, he was always a loner.

[hazellevessque]

RIP Alisa Montagova and Marshall Seo you would’ve loved Rickrolling people

[purgatorygrl]

I'm never good enough, interesting enough, funny enough, or pretty enough for people, I spend my whole life trying to find love, warmth, and human connection but every day I fail and I don't get it. And I have hope, I always have hope but the years go by and it's hard

[metashard]

Good news: Through sheer turnover, gaslighting, and forgetfulness, I am stealth to almost everyone at work

Bad news: Discovered this due to one of my coworkers coming up to me and starting a conversation with "I think this place is, like, a little too liberal?" And starting a complaint session about how she (cruelly, unfairly, how could the world possibly do this to her) got passed up for promotion in favor of a queer person (different person, not me)

Do you understand the pain I felt? To have to stand there for a solid 10 minutes listening to her rail against people like me, to accuse the institution I am currently painfully clawing my way up of giving golden tickets out to the disadvantaged,

and not having the freedom to laugh my ass off at her without outing myself, because jesus christ honey, you went to the one person in the entire damn facility with a pronoun pin and performing arts voice to start complaining about the librals. I ain't even mad at her, she's just astoundingly unobservant and tactless. I'm only mad at myself for not holding myself together enough to get a good quip off. If I'm going to come out to make a point, I want it to be explosive, and I couldn't settle on one before the moment passed

[aro-absol]

I hate how when I come out to other people as aromantic I'm so often met with a version of "don't you think you'll find the one?" and them telling me that I should be open minded and not rule out dating completely.

Like, why do they feel like they need to tell me that? Those words just revive all my doubts that I shouldn't call myself aro and that I'm not "valid" as aromantic. Do they not understand that it took a lot of courage to tell them this personal thing about myself and that them immediately questioning what I've said won't make me feel better?!

It took me over a year of soul-searching to gain the confidence to use this word to describe myself and my experiences, and their first reaction to me letting them in on this knowledge is that I have to be wrong and that it's not okay for me to call myself that.

I literally would have been fine if they just said, "okay, cool."

I hate that aromanticism is still seen as something so negative that people's first reaction to a coming out as aromantic is to console the person coming out (by invalidating them).

[whumpitisthen]

reading your tags about wishing to have been born male felt like i was reading my own thoughts. i feel literally exactly the same way

This revelation I had at 1 am yesterday should be a joyful one but has in fact made me very sad. Where I live, being trans is basically unheard of, all but illegal (I was surprised to learn there even was transcare here, but of course only in private clinics and the first step to getting gender reassignment care is literally going to a psychiatrist and getting diagnosed as mentally ill, so private doctors may "treat you" :))))) so it's not only expensive but even if I got through it all, my country and my family would never ever accept me.

But, now it's a new day and I made spaghetti and I feel much better with a full stomach, so even though it is not fun to be trans without a modicum of support from the government or people around me, or even available paths to go on without spending all my life savings on it and then being ostracized after it all, I am young and I have my entire life ahead of me. I can do my best, I can live as I have until now and I can one day reach my goal of being who I actually want to be. Who knows, maybe a couple years from now our government will finally change (for the first time in like 20 years there is finally a more left leaning party with even a tiny chance of winning and that's really exciting this is the first time this has happened pretty much since I was born!!) and it may become easier then. Or I could move the fuck away once I am able to like I've wanted to for years with friends who enjoy my company.

In any case, I understand myself a little more now, and that gives a certain confidence and relief, as well as a new life goal to work towards. May we all one day live in a world where people (the government) mind their own business and let people exist as they want to.

Nevertheless, I will still be here writing pretty boy torture :D

[venacoeurva]

Got a dentist appointment on Monday, which is great because my filling has a little ledge of extra composite on one side they gotta grind off that's more annoying than anything, but man is that thing there

[s-exy-sapphillean]

It's rly disheartening that some queer people will unironically go "trans women may not be predatory men in dresses who are invading women's spaces, because they're actually women, but the actual men that wear dresses, oh those are perverse pedophiles trying to claim queer opression and invade women's spaces"

[voyeur-clairvoyant]

Hot take of the night:

After watching 50+ tarot de marseille channels on youtube I have some conclusions

Either all of them are dumb fucks or they straight up give a shit about history (and I'm a walking bathtub of acid).

Like, I GET that someone is the 90's had less resources so YEAH! I can understand if they believe some silly myths like "tarot was made in Egypt" and shit like that.

NOW, IN THE YEAR OF OUR LORD 2024 I CAN'T STAND another bitch saying "✨The Lover card is all about choices✨". WHAT?? Like, be fucking serious! That's a factual mistake due to poor artistic skills and missing info.

Then again, I can understand it from someone who had to learn by themself 50 years ago BUT YOU HAVE A PHONE AND YOU HAVE WIFI and by god you're lucky I don't have your adress cause I'd be on the fucking news.

LOVE. THE FUCKING CARD IS ABOUT LOVE.

I'm serious. Either many of them are dumb as a rock or they give a massive shit about history and basic facts and I'm ready to commit first degreee homicide.

"✨The Hanged man is about self-sacrifice and perspective✨" Wrong

"✨Death is actually not about death at all but E V O L U T I O N✨" Wrong

(talking about tarot de marseille and other classic decks. I'm a massive "no one cares about" enjoyer of the esoteric decks)

If I hear another one of them say ANYTHING about the fucking flowers or the fucking leaves in the minor arcana I'm hunting them down and eating them cannibal style, ok? Are all on the same page? Jesus Chirst, basic shit like why the Bataleur has "potential and power over the elements". They have NO idea, like, do they seriously think tarot is just a list of wacky pictures with fortune cookie level of messages added to 'em at random??

How many readers read with a tarot deck but can't actually read tarot?? (subtle but important difference)

Basic stuff like the fucking context. NO, the Rider-White-Smith deck is not the first one, and for god's sake tarot has nothing to do with Egypt and that's lowkey a racist take. Fuck you Gebellin, but at least you were a moron with historic blindness, IN THE OTHER HAND, you tarot "master" with internet access and a youtube channel, can you repeat that shit about how "tarot is actually the sacred texts of Thoth hidden into playing cards" or are we normal about historic records?

The fucking obsession with the little details. And fuck, I'm a devil's advocate so I can see how incredible must be from a surreal perspective the use of Dali's paranoid-critical method on tarot HOWEVER, I'm tired, Im so fucking tired about the meaningless details.

The Fool is not carrying a spoon, bitch be fucking real hashasha. It's a rod, a simple stich to carry his bundle of few belongings.

The missing leg on the Bataleur's table is not hiding on the Papesse's card or talking about secrets and hidden info. LOOK at the fucking card and use your brain: It's not there because the artist made a poor woodcut and the table was too big for the card. That's it.

Wheel of Fortune is a gore scene from an artistic pov. Absolutely destroyed.

The Empress has no fucking wings, again, be for real, it's just a badly drawn throne.

The lines in the Papesse's book mean absolutely nothing.

No one cares about if Death is cutting it's own foot.

Hermit's lamp used to be an hourglass because the card is TIME but then again, who cares.

I'm so tired about all this nonsense and this is just the basic level of nonsense hahaha. I'm not even touching the fucking monster that the New Age (and Alejandro Jodorowsky) created. The fucking white-washing of all cards and context into pathetic and unrelated new interpretations without any actual deep.

People have a natural fear of death. And shit! You can see how bad it was that even its name was banished into the "Arcane sans nom" or the "Arcane 13". People have always been pissing and shitting their pants thinking about death.

BUT BITCH, even that was fairest and more honest than straight up pretending Death has nothing to do with death. The little cunty names like "change" and "transformation" are the same shit as the arcane sans nom just done more cowardly. Am I being a dick? Yes, absolutely, I'm sorry for what I'm saying but this is my vent post of the year.

Tarot is something so humble, simple and human that the mere idea of talking about it as something "hidden" or "arcane" makes me sick. It's right there! You already know it! Love! Death! Time! Fame!

You have been on this planet for idk how many fucking years, you know the Sun, the Moon, the Stars. What else do you need?

Tarot should be easy and humble but instead we have a massive ton of bullshit about how "mysterious" and "enigmatic" the cards are, mixed with another ton of white washed nonsense and historic blindness. Look at the card!!! Look beyond the details of the artistic interpretation!!! Look beyond the shadow casted by the puppet and look beyond the puppet and into the light of the prime fire!!!

"✨The Lover card has actually nothing to do with love✨" and shit like that are not the revolutionay statement they think it is. As a matter of fact it's a prideful demonstration of their own ignorance.

Tarot IS easy, humble, obvious, and clear and I'm willing to die in this fucking hill. (once again, talking about TdM and classic tarot. The esoteric decks are their own hell ahshasa)

[chocolatesauce-blog-blog]

Idk I just need to put this out somewhere in the universe, I got diagnosed with DID a few days ago and even tho we’ve technically known abt it for years, smth abt being ACTUALLY clinically recognized hits different in a not-so-clarifying way

Like hell yea not only was it bad, but it’s actually clinically bad. Worse than we thought. I was fully expecting to get shrugged off and downplayed, not to be seen like immediately😀

The neuropsychologist rlly took that imposter syndrome and said “fuck you <3” like sir that was my denial and I was comfortably uncomfortable with it PUT IT BACK /hj

Anyways for any systems or singlets who are educated, idk what to do now cuz we don’t have very much support atm 😭 we have a treatment plan so we won’t be medically neglected (fingers crossed)

But like… now what 😀 (in the same vibes as the ending of Nemo)

🪶

[starswirly]

[ * hmmmm. Maybe using the name Star is a good explination for how I’m feeling ]

[twig-gy]

[guy who knows people like it voice] i wish people liked me :-(

[captain-crowfish]

A vent sketch because me & my entire family have been under constant stress for like two weeks now

[heartofstanding]

There were a lot of things I disliked about Emma Campion's Alice Perrers novel* but I think the thing that annoys me the most is having Alice having this constant refrain of "when had I a choice to be other than I was" when her story was like "oh no I am in love with Edward III, he is explicitly asking for my consent, I am explicitly and happily giving it, we are deeply in love". You had the opportunity to do something very interesting about the concept of her choice given the massive age and power differences between them and you went for... Alice constantly harping on about how she had simply no choice but to fall desperately in love with Edward III?

* the whole subplot about how all those references to Edward II surviving were actually about Isabella of France's super secret bastard son fathered by Roger Mortimer and how evil Isabella was going to depose Edward III and his menagerie of grown children and all of Edward I's and Henry III's descendents to put her this bastard on the throne and that's why Alice is simply forced to spend a lot of time with Edward III is completely nuts.

[bunnihearted]

❄️🐇❕

[listen-to-the-inner-walrus]

sometimes i forget just how badly the tories have underfunded the nhs and then you spend an hour on hold with 111 to talk to someone who says theyre organising an emergency doctor appointment and that youll get a call within the hour. then you get the call two hours later and the next emergency doctor appointment is in about eight hours at 8pm.

and youre like wow, fuck you rishi sunak. and then you remember that the sentiment is pretty tame considering this whole thing is about chest pains and breathing problems for someone who is asthmatic and was hospitalised for covid, pneumonia and fluid on the lung and had to be on a ventilator for several days, and that happened within the last few months.

oh and then you remember that you did this whole same song and dance the day they were hospitalised where they ended up having to be driven to the hospital independently of the ambulance service because the wait time was six hours.

and then youre just blind with rage for a bit.