#normal and not existentially horrifying stuff!

[wildegeist-old]

Funny time snake born from the decaying mind, body, and soul of a notorious eldritch robot serial killer after rotting away in another dimension for some obscenely long period of time, ejected as a quantum ghost back into the universe from whence it came once that dimension crumbled to nothing. Time no longer flows in a linear fashion for it, and it takes advantage of this by going back and bringing better "luck" to people (especially those it had harmed all that time ago) as atonement for its past atrocities. Curiously, it is able to change the paths of almost everyone except its past self, who is doomed to eventually turn into this.

[stervrucht]

“Just a second,” Eddie calls from halfway beneath his bed.

Steve taps his foot as he looks around Eddie’s room. It’s messy and there’s a lot of stuff. His eyes drift around, taking it in. There is a poster with ‘Corroded Coffin’ on it in scrawled graffiti and from what Steve can see, Eddie has at least two guitars. 

On Eddie’s desk, he spots a skull — some sort of animal, but Steve has no idea what.

Steve hears Eddie groan as he tries to move back from under the bed.   

“You need any help there, Munson?”

“Nah, I got it.” Eddie turns with some difficulty and then he’s out from under the bed, sprawled halfway across the floor. He sticks up his hand and holds out a book to Steve.

“There you go.”

“Eh, thanks.” Steve flips the book over in his hand and it’s just stupid D&D stuff. “Dustin better be grateful.”

“Is he ever?” Eddie responds while he works himself in a sitting position. There is dust in his hair and his shirt is risen to expose half his chest. 

“You got a point there.” Steve lets out an unamused laugh.

When Eddie finally stands, he readjusts his shirt and quickly combs his hair. Dust still clings to his dark curls.

Steve’s eyes fall on the skull again and from his periphery he sees Eddie follow his gaze.

“You looking at the skull?”

Steve hums in response.

“It’s a fox. Pretty sick, huh? I found it myself.” Eddie’s eyes find his and he looks oddly proud.

“Pretty cool,” Steve echoes. “How do you know it’s a fox anyway?”

“Oh, just you wait.” Eddie leans over, reaching for the skull and holding it up to Steve.

“Skull size, teeth, and see these babies—” Eddie points at the eyesockets. “They’re huge.”

“Aren’t fox heads larger?” 

“All muscle and fur.”

Muscles and fur. 

Suddenly Steve comes to the horrifying existential realization that humans are also just bone and muscle and skin. He looks over at Eddie, studies his face, and suddenly it’s like he has never seen him before.

The way skin pulls over muscle, the lines around his mouth as he smiles. And how smiling pulls Eddie’s jaw taut, appearing more angular than when it’s relaxed.

“You okay, Harrington? Guess skulls are a bit morbid, huh? I sometimes forget how normal people think.” Eddie laughs sheepishly and puts the skull away again. 

When Eddie looks back, Steve is still staring. 

The skin over collarbones is thin with little muscle. 

He looks down at Eddie’s hands which have grown nervous under Steve’s eyes. 

Silver rings, skin, muscle, bone. 

Without thinking, Steve reaches out. He holds Eddie’s hand, runs his fingers over Eddie’s. 

Soft warm skin. 

“Eh…Steve?”

Steve looks up and the urge to touch is overwhelming. He raises his hands and touches Eddie’s cheeks with curious fingers.

The skin is more coarse here — marked by a five-o-clock shadow — but it’s also warmer.

“What are you—”  

Eddie stops talking when Steve runs a finger over his lips, pulling them open, just a little. 

They’re different from regular skin; warmer and wetter. 

And then Steve has no idea what he’s doing, but he moves forward and brushes his own lips over Eddie’s. Under his fingers, Steve can feel the muscles in Eddie’s jaw grow taut. 

That piques his interest. 

He slides his hand from Eddie’s jaw to his nape. From there he can feel the muscles in the jaw, thin over bone; those in his neck, thick and strong. 

He runs his tongue across Eddie’s lower lip and he feels Eddie’s lips part, his body growing soft under his actions. Eddie’s lips are moving, tentative and testing against Steve’s. 

There is no bone there.

He licks into Eddie’s mouth, feels the smooth skin under his tongue; runs his tongue over Eddie’s teeth and takes in the contrast.

Steve pulls back, his hand growing slack against Eddie’s neck as he realises he just let himself go.

Eddie stares at him with dazed eyes.

“I didn’t know skulls did it for you, Harrington.”

[v1leblood]

putting microphone to your mouth. explain lisa wilbourn to me

these posts are the most important lisa images on the internet

i don't know how to explain lisa. she's a normal girl who has something wrong with her. her life before triggering was mundanely miserable and her life since triggering has been defined by trying to prevent the circumstances of her trigger over and over and over and over and coming out of it a 'better person' but in many ways a much sadder one. i don't think saying any parahumans character 'gets over' their trauma but lisa's someone who like. not even in the most charitable definition has in any way gotten over her trauma. outside of a few She Would Not Fucking Say That moments ward is pretty good with lisa and it's fucking tragic bc she's Still mourning taylor, she's trying to take care of aiden so he won't turn out like taylor, and she ends up getting similarly attached to victoria when she sees in just how low of a low victoria's around halfway through the story.( her rl w victoria is much healthier than her attachment to taylor bc she doesn't consider vicky a Full rex but those caring instincts still come out. )

something about lisa is that being lisa and interacting with lisa are both horrifying. lisa's power doesn't let her not know the best or worst way to talk to you. every time you're having an interaction with lisa, every time she's having an interaction with you, there has to be a conscious choice as to whether she's going to play into the informational power imbalance or whether she's going to try not to -- except, the information is still there, isn't it? unless she actively focused on something else or actively switched her attention around quickly so her power can't go into detail on things, she Knows things she shouldn't, and even if she doesn't act on that information, what you'll get out of her still isn't going to be her 'natural reaction' to what you're doing or saying. it can be the closest thing, but by having the information and not using it, the reaction she gives will still be one filtered through having the information and trying to Act as though she didn't. her power taints any social interaction. and sometimes its not a big deal, and of all her troubles i don't think this particular thing bothers her that much, but its kind of existentially horrifying that any interaction she has is imbalanced in her favor as far as knowing things about each other goes. whatever your or anyone's opinion on lisa's aromanticism, what she gave as her reason for why dating is hard/impossible for her rings true: she meets people and there's no mystery, they're almost immediately laid bare, and that changes things about the way she interacts with them and how she's willing to mentally categorize them in pretty much every context, not just dating. she took a single look at alec and immediately knew he was emotionally numbed and 'sociopathic', she immediately knew grue was concerned about putting up a tough front and about being Professional, she Immediately Knew taylor was basically on the brink of either suicide or something much like it. it taints everything. even when lisa's not being manipulative (which she often is on purpose) you can't Know that she's not just feeding you the right line or the next best thing as per her encylopedic knowledge of You. its fucked up!

and like ive mentioned other times i think this aspect of her power, having people laid bare before her, often their worst selves laid bare before her, really contributes to her cynicism and the arrogant front she puts up, because she may have flaws, but she knows that everyone else fucking sucks, too

theres more Stuff about her including the way in which shes manipulative her little neuroses and how her morality evolves throughout worm but im just rambling w/o a specific Point so idt i can share my thots on those and make them cohere in this specific post

[deusexlachina]

Cheesage Exocolonist Age 11: Ruin Valentine's Day as soon as it is invented by blorboing so hard that it becomes existentially horrifying

In which Sol tells Tangent about her other lives for free candy and uses fashion to save people's lives before they are in danger.

Age 11 is kicked off by Marz inventing Valentine's day for free candy - you have to pick your Best Friend. Normally, I would do something sensible, like weigh all the different options to see how to maximize Friendship points and choose the Best Friend most optimal for my run. Unfortunately, Tangent is my blorbo and my shameless favouritism cannot be suppressed.

This is the first time I've picked Tangent after completing a run, so I only just now discovered this rather unsettling wormhole dialogue: when she asks for a reason you should be friends (Tangent being one of the harder characters to befriend, you do need a reason!), Sol can tell Tangent about the timeline where they were married.

Obviously this ruins your friendship completely, and...wait, she thinks it's cool? She gives friendship points?

"Grow old together" is a bit of a stretch - in the timeline Sol is referring to, my first playthrough, the marriage dissolved quickly because Tangent can never keep a relationship going with anyone, and also because Tangent lost her brother, had a supervillain phase and burnt out in like her twenties. (God forbid trans women do anything). Canonically, future memories aren't 100% reliable, but this still feels like burying the lede.

Despite this being one of the weirdest dialogues in the game, which is a very high bar, this is one of very few options where you can be completely honest about your other lives without being diagnosed as Delusional. (The twins are both very open-minded).

I really like the wormhole dialogues, because they start out awesome but the more of them you pick, the more you realize just how horrifying this whole situation is. This poor kid just trying to deal with having numerous other lives and no idea what to do with them with PTSD from stuff that hasn't even happened yet. They just get more and more detached from the world around them the more they loop. And they keep looping forever.

Marzipan gives me -2 Friendship for picking Tangent instead of her. But I like to think the penalty is really for ruining Valentine's Day by being 11 and reminiscing about married life/the only life Sol ever lived organically. I mean, she doesn't mention that. But would you? Really, this was a suboptimal choice, but I want to share some neat Easter eggs along the way.

Most of the year proceeds as normal, by which I mean neglecting my studies in favour of deckbuilding. I get Marz's friendship high enough for her to give me her jacket. Unfortunately, because she's my coworker, she knows how much money I have and, seeing I have more than 50 kudos in the bank, she will instead sell me the jacket. I take the L; it's fair for ruining Valentine's Day.

Besides that, the jacket is crucial. Tonin is living on borrowed time - late this year, he will be killed in a manticore attack. I could go out and save him just in the nick of time. But that would be traumatic for him and poor Tammy. More importantly, it would give me more cards [bad]. Another route is persuading him to stay home, but, having neglected my education, my persuasion is at 0. Fortunately, I have Marz's jacket, which makes me cool enough to persuade him to babysit instead. Tonin joins his daughter in being saved without any idea of the danger they were in.

A couple months later, I save Hal. This is the first time I've saved someone and gotten recognition for it. This is a sign that these mortals will eventually bow to me as their ruler.

[auspicetaker]

in my previous experience, unemployment is fun for about two weeks and then the existential dread and dysregulation sets in. tomorrow morning I'm gonna stop by the office to drop stuff off and then my two weeks will begin in earnest. i want to do lots of graffiti and hang out under the bridge. i want to watch weird movies and read weird books and finally beat totk. i want to cook lots of new foods and hang out with my friends. normal people (/my family) are horrified by the idea of someone enjoying not working. they think i should be desperately banging down the doors of potential future employers before the ink even dries on the layoff letter. but like,,,, im getting 2 weeks of PTO paid out, i have a good amt of savings, i actually qualify for unemployment this time.... i want to experience the luxury of just existing. just for a little while.

[permanately-confuzzled]

Okay so. This gonna be long. But dean headcanon.

This is a bit of a stretch and not one that I think a lot of people lean towards (either that or I'm just not in a circle that talks about it) but. Dean has autism? Maybe not super obvious signs, and I'm much more familiar with the signs in afab than amab, but it feels REALLY similar to myself.

I realize that cptsd has really similar symptoms as low-support-needs (high functioning??? Someone please tell me what term to use I cant figure out if it's problematic or not) late diagnosed autism, as well as several other neurotypes. But a lot of it feels really familiar, and in some of the distinguishments between cptsd and autism, dean leans toward the autism side.

Anyway, a list in no particular order:

Knows a lot about random topics -- that one case where he knew the guy used the wrong country for a proverb to come from, mentioning vonnegut, possible hyperfocus on weapons and fighting

Seems to have a fairly good musical understanding despite having little to no experience -- you're telling me John taught him how to sing? And he picked up on guitar as quickly as was implied? I think the fuck not

Hyperfocus on a TV show/genre -- Scooby-Doo, dr. Sexy, westerns

Perfectly happy driving for hours on end listening to the same tracks on repeat -- apparently this isn't normal???

Seems to dissociate really easy -- he could be desensitized to violence, and probably is at least a little. But when he's already emotional, or caught by surprise, he's immediately horrified, almost like he's not as careless towards it as normal.

Described as having too many emotions. Very much cannot communicate them. Seems overwhelmed.

Very much likes blankets, hot showers, massage bed -- sensory issues. Also, that could be why he wears flannel and jeans all the time. Yeah, it's practical, but the clothes don't bother his sensory issues.

Also, sensory stuff could be why he's constantly chasing sex. If your constantly feeling everything, why not make the everything be mostly good? People with asd also typically are either on the grey scale of sexuality or hypersexual.

He clearly understands communication, but masking. Also, he's fairly social. The puzzle of human communication may be a hyperfixation of his. Not to mention that a few of the times people say things he isn't expecting he gets flustered and confused.

He seems to see grey points in a very black and white way, and black and white as grey. I don't know how else to describe that.

The thing with asd people typically struggling more than nts to understand things like capitalism bc why WOULDNT you give up some fancies if other people can eat enough -- that's literally why he can't get himself to leave hunting.

Not willing to change the impala or his music.

Had the whole dean cave put together without Sam knowing (I think? Correct me if I imagined this)

Routine. He's impulsive when it's his decision, but if someone else decides, he wants nothing to do with it -- getting up in the morning, I swear there's more but my brain is getting tired

Struggles to make close connections. Very few actual friends (especially compared to sam) and very few actual relationships.

The close friends he has are not nt. Charlie most likely has adhd or asd, cas acts very similar to someone with asd, Sam's at least really traumatized. This is common with nds.

He has different personalities depending on who he's with (masking) -- cas vs Charlie vs Sam vs Donna vs Claire vs Benny... etc

Prone to addiction -- the need for routine and chronic stress from masking makes this true for asd people as well.

I think it was called existential suicidal ideation or something like that? Doesn't want to die necessarily, but doesn't really want to be around but does, but doesn't really care. It doesn't seem like a big deal so he's sorta apathetic to it.

I think there was more, but I cant remember right now. Am I crazy???

Sorry is asd autocorected to sad. And yes I did hyperfocus on this for a week and a half.

[ina-nis]

“You don’t get to tell whether or not people can call you a ‘friend’ (because considering you a friend and caring for you is not up to you).” doesn’t change a thing. It’s their own good feelings about having you as a friend.

Are they listening to you? Are they listening to your silent pleas? Or is this just a tough love kind of thing, in which you don’t have a saying - they’ll love you whether you like it or not, regardless of how you feel about yourself or them.

You don’t throw your friendships away because you hate yourself or can’t love yourself, nor because you dislike your friends.

The answer is much, much simpler: your friends see you as a friend and nothing else. You see your friends as friends with a possibility for more, until proven otherwise. Some people just want and need friends, you need friends and more.

But you can’t fit with the partnered people either, because of the requirements that would have to be met for you be partnered yourself.

You can’t skip the friendships, because that’s an integral part of romance for you. You can’t date a stranger, you can’t date with the goal of becoming partners; you want a friend, you want a close friend, and you want the friendship to grow into love.

It’s hard to do that nowadays, isn’t it?

When everything is divided into strict boxes and also when everything is so free and non-committal.

Your “friends” not once considered you a potential date, and if/when they did, they implied it would be something carefree, for fun.

You don’t do “carefree” stuff “for fun” - if you did, you wouldn’t be such a pain in the ass, and also it would probably not be you - since that kind of stuff gives you no safety, or stability, or fulfill any of your needs other than sexual and some new relationship energy.

All the time, you heard about how it’s good to experiment, how it’s good to at least try stuff - “better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all” - and you tried stuff all the time, for many years... that was always traumatic, and always ended poorly and you ultimately started avoiding people altogether.

Even the “friends” part become a burden.

You can’t have friends because of your triggers. You can’t maintain friendships for long because, very quickly, you burn out and become unhappy, being surrounded by unavailable people who want nothing but a friend, or nothing at all.

All the time, you heard that you should, then, shift your focus into things more under your control - to build a good life for yourself “and only then, people will come to you, when you least expect” - and you do that, you build a life where you’re completely self-sufficient, where you do many activities, and have many distractions, and you’re still alone and no one really “came” to you.

Yes, sure, they won’t come if you keep yourself closed to the world. But what led you to do that in the first place, huh? You don’t want to have to explain or have this conversation over and over, it’s exhausting.

Everything people talk about, everything people suggest, everything that “works”, doesn’t work for you because of AvPD.

People assume you’ve been a complete shut-in your whole life and it doesn’t even go through their minds that it could be the opposite: you’ve been a social person your whole life, you used to be the center of attention, you used to have many relationships...

...and still! No successes in love, you dealt with trauma that made you mistrustful of people, you dealt with neglect that made you unable to believe people would stay, and so much more... and none of those things appear on the outside. You look completely normal, completely healthy. They may judge you as a shy introverted person, maybe autistic, but they won’t even think about the fact that you could have a personality disorder that is so horrifying and devastating, you just hide away and hope you’ll whither.

You suffer from a loneliness that is so entrenched, so existential, that no amount of coping, or hobbies and volunteering, or exercising and changes in lifestyle, are able to make any difference.

You distract yourself 24/7 so you don’t end up doing anything stupid and offing yourself.

It’s a pain that doesn’t hurt, it’s just as if your life were fading away. As you hold onto hope, it’s just exhausting; and because you refuse to give up, all your sense are overwhelmed.

You can’t get close to people because it hurts, it makes you lonely; and isolating is so much worse, too. You have no choice but take the least harmful path.

You keep on going because you know things cannot stay the same forever.

They can only get worse or better.

You’re used to “worse” so that’s not an issue... but you’re not working against yourself here, not like before, not anymore, because you do want to get better.

[cleoselene]

I have been dealing with an MS relapse and I didn’t even watch game 1 of the World Series (who saw Schwarbs as our taco hero, seriously?!)

but I’m almost too upset by the attack on Paul Pelosi to even speak on it.  There is no living American politician I admire more than Nancy Pelosi and I think she has quietly been one of the most consequential people of my lifetime.  She is the reason we have the ACA and so many other cherished pieces of legislation.  She has held the line against the worst of GOP presidents and been as efficient as possible when she’s had slim control.  People on both sides hate her for being so damn good.

And no one ever sees her for what she is: a mother of five, a grandmother, an elderly woman who has dedicated her life to public service to the least of us.  The thought of some monster coming in with a hammer trying to murder her is beyond horrifying and I’m horrified her husband had to endure that.  A miracle he survived.

It just fills me with this severe existential dread because the reaction to this stuff is never proportional -- when Democrats do wrong, we over-correct.  When a conservative psycho acts out, it gets normalized and rationalized.  My mother and I were discussing it on the phone and she said, “What do we do?  Do we have to be violent, too?”  And that is what they want.  They want us to be so angry that they literally start a civil war.  It’s what these monsters fantasize about in their biggest jerkoff fantasies where they’re some 2020s version of George Washington and it’s fucking stupid.  There’s this confluence of media and culture and the way we have warped our politics and history with creating god-like idols of historical figures, imagining themselves as revolutionaries and film heroes at the same time.

I hope this fucker has a miserable time in a prison he never gets out of.

[box-dwelling]

Day two: Lake mungo

My choice this time, after an exceedingly long time of me trying to get other films to work this was the first one I'd been hoping to watch that did. Generally liked it. @ungulatejunction seemed to more than me. Again wasn't particularly scared, mostly just sad though that might have been atmosphere we were watching it in. It's a good horror mockumentary, but the lingering emotions are sadness. It's deeply realistic though so if realism in horror is something that works for you I would definitely recommend it. For me I tend to prefer the out there unburdened by realism flicks but that's definitely a preference and one I know many people don't share.

Also I'm going to start using my 3 way horror ranking scale. And I'll put my review for American Werewolf in London at the end too. Basically my scale is to an extent Artistic merit, scares, atmosphere. These are my 3 main reasons for watching a horror film typically so overall score is less important to me than high ranks in an individual catagory. A film that scores 3 3 3 I would like less than something that scored 0 0 8. And the catagory it ranks high in is irevent to anything but what I want on a particular night. Also atmosphere doesn't have to be particularly scary, it just has to be good. Like rocky horror would get a solid 10 on atmosphere even though it's not scary in the slightest. This is also deeply subjective for me, if @ungulatejunction wants to give their own rank using this system or any other then it will be in the notes. This is based on my experience tastes and bias' but will try and note when that comes into play excessively.

So, with that said:

An American Werewolf in London:

Artistic merit: 8.5/10- incredible. I am only not going higher because I want wiggle room. The film is stunning, the technical effects are to die for, the story is heartbreakingly real. It deals with deeply interesting themes of survivors guilt, greif, mental illness, and inevitability.

Scares: 4/10- as I said in my review, it didn't scare me much. Most of this is for the transformation scene that was absolutely horrifying.

Atmosphere: 6/10- this would probably be higher for literally anyone who hasn't loved in rural England. It's as high as it is for the campus nature of most of the stuff in London as well as how good the actors are at establishing unease.

Lake Mungo

Artistic merit 6/10- it's a good pastiche of true crime with an interesting mystery at it core that asks some excellent existential questions. It's just the realism is not necessarily to my taste

Scares 1/10 - there was one jump scare near the end that got us but beyond that it really didn't do much for me.

Atmosphere- 5/10- it achieved what it was going for. The actors play normal people in a documentary very well, it's staged and filmed in a very grounded way. The ghost footage is very believable. But I didn't really feel myself getting sucked in. Partly because I really didn't emotionally connect with much if the cast. But that might well be a me issue and I'm sure if you could manage that it would be easier to enjoy

[piastrinorris]

Hi its me again and i am absolutely back with my strabger things/doctor who brainrot

Because it is insane how easily these two shows can be combined. Like, literally enough for the doctor to show up in hawkins, 1980-whatever, maybe just wanted to checkout the vibes but suddenly hears of some kid disappearing??? Or strange deaths- so goes to investigate, meets this kids in the mall or just wherever and boom, adopted a whole crew of sidekicks for the adventure and ready to kick some alien (demogorgon) ass

I can imagine dustin trying to label them as something frim dnd but the doctor is just like, actually this is an ancient species predating [...] from planet [...] and everyone just staring blankly back.

Also, definitely using the psychic paper to get into the hawkins lab ... and would probably close a baby gates with a sonic screwdriver lol or at least try to analyse it

So yeah, thats it for now. Sorry lmao. Hope you have a good one 💖

i am absolutely obsessed with this au oh my god please always talk to me about it

LMAO i love the idea of the doctor looking at the spore-destroyed plants and like sonic-ing them to try and figure out what's happened just for dustin to be like "oh thank GOD you're not normal" and to suddenly infodump everything about the upside down onto the doctor who's just like. what the fuck are any of these words

and even if the doctor were able to define the actual species of the demogorgon and the actual name of the upside down, the mind flayer, vecna etc, the party would still use dnd terms to the point where even the doctor just gives in and starts calling it all their terms for it

maybe since there'd be more extra-terrestrial stuff in this au, dr brenner would have been using alien tech of some kind, or would have been studying alien dna and trying to create a hybrid race, either way i think the doctor being able to tell el what she really is and how she came to be would give her a bit of an existential crisis, that'd be like the main arc of the doctor being there, is that even the doctor needs el's help but she's gotta come to terms with who she is, why she came to be and what the full extent of her powers could be

and even the older teens would be instrumental in helping the doctor figure stuff out, like jonathan would have taken just the right photo that looks inconsequential to the everyman but fills a v important hole in the doctor's logic. nobody could figure out what the flaying process is until nancy follows someone looking suspicious towards the steel mill. robin would sneak off to follow her own gut, almost get everyone killed in the process, but would find a way for them to gain access to even the most deadlocked parts of hawkins lab. and, of course, there would be the Classic Human Moment(tm) where steve would suggest something that everyone laughs at him for bc it sounds so ridiculous but the doctor. the doctor calls steve the most brilliant mind in the whole entire universe (dustin doesn't know whether to be more proud, horrified or offended) bc he's helped the doctor to crack the whole entire thing.

ohhhhh i really love the idea of the doctor coming to hawkins nowwww

[pepprs]

the absolutely UNBEARABLE ordeals of a) having nothing new to contribute to this intersection bc ppl already found it and all the scholars have already said everything im saying and b) knowing that on top of this my contributions are lackluster because i am stupid and profoundly mentally ill 🥰

[bmpmp3]

one of my favourite genres in the world is like, edgy horror superhero-y seinen and shonen manga about normal dudes getting supernatural powers from like an alien or a demon or whatever and those powers include: super strength, heightened intuition, having a fashion sense

[therese-lokidottir]

Loki should be the ultimate enemy of fascism, but instead he's treated as the deserved victim of it.

Loki is the outcast, the the other, the scapegoat, the unwanted prince, and a victim of cultural erasure. Rather than explore any of this the show instead places all the blame on to him and by calling him a narcissist and treating everything he goes through as deserved and needed it by extension validates fascism.

Loki is the one who should be disgusted by TVA. He should see right through their lies and propaganda and call it out for what it is.

The TVA are bad, that's obvious, right? Well, it would be if it wasn't for stuff like this.

Haha isn't so funny to watch Loki chase down by these guys? Isn't it so funny when Loki is punched, collared and stripped. Hehe dumb arrogant Loki he has no powers.

It's not framed to be a horrifying lack of humanity and justice. It's framed to humiliate Loki and for the audience to laugh. But by doing that it does exactly what fascistic practices do. Normalize it and mock the victim. Are we meant see the TVA vaporizing some random person who refused to play along with the ticket system as horrific and cruel? Maybe, but it's more important to get laugh.

Mobius is treated as simply mislead while happily being part of system,never questioning it, being complicit in a child's death, lying and manipulating and using torture with a smile on his face and later making jokes about it. All that, Mobius's entire character validates fascism. Because it implies you can do all those things and be good. The fact these things are inherently wrong is never stated or discussed so instead it suggests that, yeah, there could be a good enough reason to do all those things.

VS

There's no existential guilt of the realization that his hands are soaked in the blood of innocents. No remorse that the system he felt so lucky to be part of was unjust and wrong. He laments his own loss and keeps making excuses. Same with B-15. Oh, she cries that she looked happy, she cries at her loss not the trillions wiped out without second thought. Those faceless people remain unimportant.

It's actually kinda bizarre how the show both tries to have the TVA as victims and unimportant mooks. But really it isn't even about them or the variants. It's about how Loki is bad and Mobius is good, even if he was part of the bad guys it wasn't his fault.

Loki is the real victim in this. Him and everyone ever captured by TVA. They're the outcast the one's who's crime was freedom.

It should have been Loki's story. The failed conqueror, the god of outcasts, the person who wanted to free people from freedom should have been the one to tear down the system and the audience should be rooting for him.

[the-squeege]

i was writing down some notes for my infected!leon and this came to me

uh before I ramble holy shit thank you all for your nice comments and tags I REALLY APPRECIATE IT!! I was not expecting people other than me to enjoy him 👉👈

So! Here are my silly little notes about him!

- the reason for this meme is he gets cold pretty easy despite all his plating! so if youre cold, he is cold. And you should take care of him.

-addition to this. His bug instincts kick in and he loves being cocooned in blankets…I just think it’s really cute….lil bundle of bug….

- the general story I have really isn’t tooooo different from 4…I mean aside from the big 7 foot bug in the room.

- leon doesn’t gradually turn…he just fuckin. Goes. It’s soon after he meets Ashley, when they’re escaping something triggers his form to fuck up and go nuts. I mean he’s lucid but uh. His form…

- when he first transforms, he can’t communicate outside of clicks and chitters and general bug sounds. he gets frustrated by this pretty quick, especially since he has to try and convince ashley that he’s not gonna kill her

- Ashley is freaking the fuck out at this point. I should mention when Leon transforms he just. Grabs ashley and takes them to safety so to Ashley that’s uh. Pretty fucking terrifying.

-I’m not sure how, but somehow Leon convinces her he’s still lucid. Probably doing something sweet…Leon doesn’t know what he looks like and he really doesn’t wanna know, he just knows he’s uh. Pretty scary. (I think he’s cute though)

- a quick note about ashley since she kinda bothers me sometimes! She’s a lot nicer to leon in this au cause she can see this poor guy is going through some shit. She feels guilty she lead leon into this situation :(

- when the two meet up with Luis (WHO LIVES IN THIS AU SO HE CAN HELP LEON AFTERWARDS) he gives Leon the pills that’ll help slow the infection. he sits leon the fuck down and helps him regain his speech and bipedal movement (since his legs were too wonky for him to even try walking/running normally) He also gives Leon a jacket because this poor bug is fucking cold

- after he can walk and kinda talk again, leon tries to carry on like normal. he can still use guns pretty decently all things considered but the harder things get, the more likely his new body is to revert back to bug stuff (since human stuff takes a little extra effort now!)

- this leads me to some more general notes about Leon since tbh I’m bad at writing story stuff! So

- he chitters and clicks a whole lot, even when he’s talking!

- since his face isn’t super expressive, there are other ways of telling his emotions. his bug noises are a sure indicator of this, as well as his antennae and quills, which can lower and flatten. functionally they’re kinda like whiskers, they help leon sense things

- he’s super great at seeing in the dark. unfortunately though this means he’s pretty sensitive to light and gets headaches because of it :(

- this bug is fucking FAST. his legs are real powerful and good at jumping so he can zip around pretty quick and is a very talented climber. he may be existentially mortified but at least he can have fun running and jumping around!

- as for how Leon’s feeling he’s uh. Hanging in there! he’s ashamed and horrified of what he is but at least while he’s dealing with all the shit in 4 he’s kinda able to push these feelings aside so he can focus on protecting Ashley.

- he knows he’s pretty spooky looking so he acts a little nicer/more affectionate to others because he doesn’t wanna scare them :(

- throughout his journey, people like salazar will demean and mock him and be like “oh you’re really one of us now…” and tbh it makes leon feel kinda shitty! But Ashley and Luis (since he’s alive and sometimes shows up I guess) come to his aid and are like no! No mean to him! And through the power of friendship Leon makes it through okay :)

- the infection never really spreads to his brain so he doesn’t get too feral…sure he’ll get stressed and maybe go on all fours or forget how to speak for a little bit but nothing too crazy…any sort of feral he goes is based on his own choices and emotions… but for the most part he’s really docile and kinda sad

I think those are most of the notes I have so far…..I wasn’t planning on actually posting a lot of these but since y’all seem to like him….. I am happy to share the brainrot….

[avatarvyakara]

Strands of Webbing

A Spiderverse Fanfic

Prompts 289-300

“Taking it Easy”

First | Previous | Next

289. Lineage

“Now just stay close to Uncle Pete, and you’ll be just fine,” soothes Peter.

“Um...I already have an Uncle Pete,” says Charlie through the modulator. “You know him. You’re more like a crazy deformed-mandrill grandpa.”

“Oh. Huh! Well.”

“Not that that’s a bad thing! Anyway, I never knew my real grandpa, Grandma ate him a few months before my mom was born. So it’s kind of nice.”

“...okay? Thanks, I suppose...”

Doing Spider-training usually involves fewer existential crises. (Usually. That time with Miles doesn’t count.) But Charlie’s learning fast, considering the fact that he and his siblings are all out as Spiders-Man for the first time.

Plus, Peter’s world is a decent training ground, given that it doesn’t have too many really bad villains left after all these years.

“Show me what you got, kid.”

Just annoying ones, mainly.

Charlie is good at swinging, surprisingly—well, the twenty or so spiders operating the web-shooters are good at swinging. But combat is an area where he still needs a lot of work.

“What’s wrong, Spider-Man?” taunts Tarantula, holding Charlie down with the sole of his boot. “No quips today?”

“Spiders-Man.”

“¿Qué?” says Tarantula distractedly, swiping near the neck of the suit with a razor-sharp claw.

Which is promptly blocked by a hand that doesn’t quite seem to bend right.

“Spiders-Man, not Spider-Man. Also, Seamus suffers asthma attacks and you’re squishing him. Could you remove your boot, please?”

Whatever the terrorist was expecting, over eight hundred seemingly indestructible cartoon spiders crawling out of a quickly-deflating Spider-suit is apparently not among them

“AAAARGH!”

He tries to stamp on one. It doesn’t have the desired effect. It’s like kicking a brick.

“AAAAAH!”

wHat dId wE JuST SAy, hums a shrill voice in the air, as the spiders crawl up the villain. sEaMUs hAS bOOkmArk lUng, aNd You tHInk stEppIng oN hiM Is goINg to hElp ClEaR HiS COnGesTIon? GOod grIeF tHeRe’s nO ResPeCT foR PeOple wiTh DISabiLitiEs theSe DaYs.

Tarantula faints.

The spiders mill about for a while, then start to crawl back into the suit.

Peter watches the whole thing in horrified fascination.

“Er...nice work, kid. Kids.”

tHaNKs grANdPA pEteR, say the spiders.

“Um...you didn’t bite him or anything, right?”

Someone kicks the modulator back to life as the suit fills up.

“Nah.”

“Oh. Good.”

Next week, Peter gets news that Tarantula has apparently moved to Argentina. He’s tempted—slightly—to book a flight for himself too.

Although it is a lot quieter in New York for a while after that.

290. Mulaney

“But we’ve got to keep checking the news, right? All this stuff with the new President, it’s like having a hospital in a horse. A living, normal-sized horse, and a normal-sized hospital that might be functioning. What is a hospital doing in a horse? Well, how are we supposed to know? All we know is there’s a hospital in a horse, and it’s really [bleep] hard not to wonder what the [bleep] is going to happen next.”

Comedy nights over the Web-chat are a bit of a mixed bag when Ham gets involved.

291. Public

Fine, you really wanna do this one last time? We’ll do this one last time. And then you get the hell out of my office.

My name is J. Jonah Jameson, Junior. I was bitten by a radioactive spider, and what did you think I was going to do, put on a mask and my whole life on hold to start using these insane powers? What do you take me for? No, what I did was, I finished up that report on our soldiers in the Korean War, came home...found out that my wife had...had been mugged and killed while I was away...and went back to the press. Made some decent investments using my newfound Good Sense, started up a company (the Joan Darling, J.D. Foundation), kept the Bugle running smooth as silk, got married again and technically adopted my wife’s niece, fostered another kid from a family who took me in during the War while we worked on getting her family out of Pyongyang, saw my son Jon land on the Moon...

And that’s been the last twenty-odd years of my life.

Look, if you’re looking for me to tell you that I became a masked hero and went around making a mess of things, you won’t get it. I don’t like masks. I don’t think heroes are heroic all the time. So I might be handy in a fight, I might have hunches that make me the envy of the world of journalism, but I’m not going to go out and make an alter ego. Anything I do, it’s gonna be as J. Jonah Jameson.

That said...with a company dedicated to buying and selling stocks that produces tens of millions of dollars in revenue, a newspaper that’s the pride of New York, and a network of agents trying to find kids with superpowers and help them learn to control them, J. Jonah Jameson can do a lot.

Done? Good. Get out.

292. Theory

“You getting any of this?” Peter asks Porker, who shakes his head.

An angry mixture of Spanish, Japanese, and Hindi technical terms flies through the air. Peni has SP//dr to translate, Miguel has Lyla interpreting a little behind real-time, and Roshni’s mask contains a built-in Rosetta function in the eyepatches. None of which is available to Peter, who is from 1930s Manhattan and barely speaks passable English (“Be nice to yourself, Gray”).

“Far as I can make out,” says Porker’s future counterpart, “they’re all trying to find a way to explain holographic technology, but the physics in each world is different enough that it shouldn’t actually work. Something to do with the nature of light in each universe.”

—which is interesting because I seem to work in all of them despite my quantum-locked photonics array being fairly unique to Miguel’s world—

—Roshni thinks I might be a reincarnation of someone, like that stock market computer in her world which successfully proved in court that it had been a Vietnamese fisherman in another life—

—Miguel doesn’t believe in reincarnation and Peni believes it wouldn’t have any effect on my projections even if I were—

—so basically they’re comparing quantum theories and screaming at each other—

—which is fun to watch—

“Lyla? Aren’t you supposed to be translating?”

The hologram gives Peter a wry look.

—I can multitask, you know—

293. Sling

As it turns out, the Hudson Valley is actually a great place to try this out.

“You ready?” Peter asks, cautiously—

“Whoooooo!”

Man, if he’d known giving Mary Jane her own web-shooters would make her this happy he would have done it years ago.

“Uhhhh, Peter?!”

“Here we go!” he says, catching her just before she falls and landing on a tree branch. “Just, you know, thwip, and double-tap to release. Here—” He takes her left hand. “How about we go together for a while?”

She nods and smiles and squeezes that hand and he tries not to float off the branch. “So! Where to?”

“Hmm. Ladies first?”

She grins. “Right. Onward!”

Thwip and release. Thwip and release.

Half an hour later they’re completely lost in the summertime woods and Peter cannot find a single reason to care.

294. Realize

Miles had a crush on Gwen right from the start. Gwen thought Miles was kind of cute until he gave her an impromptu haircut, but warmed up to him again fairly quickly. They’ve been best friends—among one another’s best friends—for years.

They’ve also had a kind of on-again-off-again relationship for most of that time. Not quite committed but...well, there have been opportunities to see other people and they haven’t really used them even when they’re on a break.

Nothing formal. It can’t be. Stay in either dimension too long, even with proper food and rest, and they start glitching. Moving it past a certain stage would mean acknowledging the very real possibility that they risk effectively pulling their partner into a death-trap, regardless of advanced healing abilities.

But Gwen makes Miles feel fearless, and Miles makes Gwen feel soft, and that’s something both of them both of them need almost as much as they need the other.

295. Credit

“Nanotech!” boasts Peni excitedly. “And I’ve got it set up to realign itself with the local universe—” she ignores the sotto voce cough of “*Already did that*” from Miguel— “so whatever the local exchange rate and computer software is will be mimicked by the card. Except in my dimension because they’d recognize it, and the pre-electronic eras are harder, but...”

“...we have money,” says Peter B.

Peni rolls her eyes, but chuckles. “That’s right. We have money.”

“Oh thank God.”

296. Siblings

Benjamin P. Parker is older than his sister by all of about eight months. He has also never met her before.

The three-year-old toddles across the floor to where Uncle Peter (always Uncle Peter, he looks like Daddy but he isn’t and he must remember that, says Mommy) is holding a small squirming...thing.

“Sorry, she’s still not used to this kind of travel—” he says.

Miles, who is babysitting, grins. “Hey, no sweat. Hey, Benjy, come and meet May.”

Benjy looks at the mewling...person, he thinks, and wonders why she is in his house—

—and then there’s a strange flash of BenjyMayUnclePeterMiles—

He blinks.

“She’s like me,” he tells his babysitter.

“That she definitely is, Little Bee,” says Miles, smiling. “Just don’t go climbing the walls with her yet, okay?”

“Awww...”

297. Tea

“So, that’s one Earl Grey for Billy, one Boba for Peni, two Green for Hida and Other Peni, one Black for Cindy, one Lemon Grass for Roshni, and one Masala Chai for me,” says Pavitr, taking notes.

“I feel like we’re inviting stereotypes here,” says Roshni.

“I don’t reckon so,” Billy replies, preemptively reaching for the sugar.

“For Peter...coffee. And a reminder of what civilization looks like when you don’t commit blasphemy.”

Pauker glares. “I told you, that was in Boston!”

“And a Peppermint for Addy.”

On her shoulder, Weying the spider bounces excitedly.

“...no, Addy.” That’s from both Peni Parkers at the same time, exasperated in different ways.

“Aw, man...”

298. Perceive

“...you wanna come see?” asks Goggles.

Cindy’s not quite sure how they got to this point.

“Pardon?”

The other Spider shuffles awkwardly.

“You know. The Hobbit. Don’t know much about this Jackson guy, but Peter B. seems to like the way he did Lord of the Rings, and it would help your catch-up plan, so...”

There are a million reasons that this is a bad idea, not least of which is that this sounds remarkably like a date and she’s not entirely sure dating is on the cards for her just now. But then Goggles is trying to be more modern, right? And in the modern day people go to the movies with other people and it’s not necessarily a date. And they’re friends, or at least “fellow Spiders with self-made webbing and a mild disconnect from modern society”. And it’s not like there’s any other connection, because despite checking again and again the pheromones don’t seem to go off around him like they do with some of the others. (We speak not at all of the Incident on Earth-65, thank you.) So if there are any ulterior motives...

If there are any ulterior motives, which again given Goggles’ general nature is unlikely, then they’re caused by biology that’s slightly more regular than whatever happens because of their respective spider-bites.

Silk grins.

Not that that’s a problem. (Because it’s not a date.)

“You know about popcorn?”

Goggles snorts. (It’s a friendly sound.) “Probably.”

“Heh. Just checking. So...maybe this Friday?”

Cindy has a mild panic attack on the bus, and they end up swinging there, but Goggles doesn’t seem to mind. (“You wanna head back?” “No, it’s okay, I got this. Just need a minute.” “Take your time, sweetheart.”) There’s a moment of very slight confusion about paying “Dutch”, but that’s smoothed over soon enough. (“You know the card covers it no matter what, right?” “That’s not the point, though...” “It kind of is, though.”) The story is a little strange, the love triangle confusing, the battle scenes mildly preposterous to two crime-fighters, and the idea of turning a children’s book into...well, basically a war film is absurd for both someone who treats the original books like a second Torah and someone who actually quite liked the original three films. They spend a good two hours afterwards complaining (“kvetching”, in Goggles’ words) and laughing about it as they swing back to Cindy’s apartment and get mildly distracted by an attack from the Lizard. (Who apparently is not a genius time-travelling dinosaur in Goggles’ world, who knew?)

And then Peter tips his hat and says thank you and goodnight, and smiles pretty warmly for someone in monochrome, and pulls a loaf of what looks like homemade cornbread out of a pocket. (“It was Peter B.’s idea, I know it’s a little squashed...” “It smells really good. Thank you.”) And says goodnight again, which she echoes back. And leaves.

(And no pheromones. Not a sniff.)

It’s not a date.

Which neither of them thought it was, obviously.

(And the next time she sees him she is definitely not inviting him over to watch the extended edition of Fellowship of the Ring on DVD. Because that would be much easier for him to interpret as a date. But then, it would only be polite, right? Plus, her home, so less chance for a sudden attack of agoraphobia. If she were doing that. Which she isn’t.)

Somehow the cornbread actually tastes good.

299. Sweet

Everyone from the Spider-Gang—the Original Six—is a little tense when Miles logs on.

But he’s beaming wide.

“I’m a big brother!”

The cheers and whoops at the birth of one Mirasol Erin Morales echo across the multiverse.

300. Midnight

Another year, come and gone.

The city is still standing.

And it’s so, so nice to know they’re not alone.

[infinitelytheheartexpands]

Responses from the Opera Screencaps Captioning Quiz

Hello, everyone, and thank you for taking my quiz! I had SO MUCH fun reading your captions-- there were several times I literally started crying from laughing so hard at the amazingness of your work! With that in mind, the captions (which I will continue to add onto as more people take it):

(also, thank you to @dichterfuerstin​ for translating the German captions I got)

originally taken from: the Wiener Staatsoper’s 2020 production of Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart’s Die Entführung aus dem Serail, featuring Regula Mühlemann (center) as Blonde, Michael Laurenz (right) as Pedrillo, and an unnamed extra (left) as the Grim Reaper

Responses:

(Backstage warm-up) “ok so someone dropped the pulse”

me and my friends watching the fire burn after doing arson

Introducing the polycule to the parents

*boom* ... did...you guys hear that too?

Ma Signor !

Knight in whinging armour gone wrong, look at how he holds the egg. Polyamory with weird knight and death.

the father, son and the holy ghost are very gay

the gays meeting for brunch, 2021, colorized

chicken lady forces death and a very flamboyantly homosexual anthropomorphized pink bird to be parents of her egg (they dont want to be)

That’s just me and my friends on our night out (before covid rip)-- closest

A Good Friday night

good omens (2019)

["the pocket guide to boy/girl/mischief" meme] who's the boy and who's the mischief though????

Papageno and Papagena take their first-born egg trick-or-treating

Angry Birds - The Musical. A pig stole an egg and the bird unites with death to take revenge.

I love my bird wife

Someone got murdered during the funky chicken dance

throuple murders child and steals sibling of said child

When you and your friends have widely different tastes in literature

angel leading twink to his rightful place (hell)

draco malfoy from a very potter musical and a death eater are very much in the wrong show

What have I gotten myself into

Mlm/wlw solidarity but I’m not telling who is who

A woman stands with a pink dipshit with an egg and a reaper.

A bird-couple makes a pact with Death, sacrificing their first-born bird-child in order to bring good luck upon their unborn bird-baby

There are three types of people on Halloween:

Uh oh, I don’t think the mother hen is very happy about this...

oh god, they’ve invented seussical. It’s too early!

gay brunch

Three little maids from school are we

guys maybe if we dress gay enough we can distract everyone from the dead flapper bee in the back

those three killed a duck for her egg and are facing the conswquences.

Duck has egg with human, shocked and upset due to biological impossibility

When you bout to make a banging omelet so you invite your fellow queers

"No mortal man could pass that egg, but heaven shall repair your rectum."

originally taken from: the Salzburg Festival’s 2007 production of Hector Berlioz’s Benvenuto Cellini, featuring Maija Kovalevska (left) as Teresa Balducci, Laurent Naouri (center, in chimney) as Fieramosca, and Burkhard Fritz (right) as Benvenuto Cellini

Responses:

“In this same interlude it doth befall That I, one Snout by name, present a wall; And such a wall, as I would have you think, That had in it a crannied hole or chink, Through which the lovers, Pyramus and Thisby, Did whisper often very secretly. This loam, this rough-cast and this stone doth show That I am that same wall; the truth is so: And this the cranny is, right and sinister, Through which the fearful lovers are to whisper.” - a midsummer night’s dream, act v scene 1

"ah yes a prime specimen. see here, right in this box is our one of a kind hob goblin that can be all yours for the low low price of your soul"

what, YOU don't have a special eavesdropping chimney window?

Hänsel und Gretel plotting against the witch

man takes a wrong turn and ends up in a chimney, catches his girlfriend cheating-- closest

when you end up third wheeling the straight couple

lady cheats on her leather jacket wearing scummy boyfriend and when he unexpectedly comes home she hides the lover in the chimney

A straight girl and her gay best friend gossip about stuff idk

Idk Shakespeare?

experimental couples therapy feat. the chimney mf from mary poppins

Area Couple Inadvertently Traps Santa-in-Training in Chimney as they Attempt Rooftop Flirting

Landlords laugh over student renter's misfortune

I never asked for this

Ay yo lil mama lemme whisper in your ear

voyeurist listens to sandy and Danny from grease

Psssst! Did you hear about Susan? You won’t believe it!

lady and the tramp meets beauty and the beast?

human trafficking

And for just $30 you too could have your own tiny brick cage!

Psst I’m wearing assless chaps under this dress

A couple tortures a man in a box.

It's all fun and games being stuck in a chimney until your greasy uncle steals your crush from right above you-- okay ngl this could actually be a great Don Pasquale concept

Taking eavesdropping to the next level

Will you two stop being lovey dovey and let me out? SUMMER LOVIN, HAPPENED SO FAST— 

overhearing how people talk about you when they think they're alone puts you in the shithouse 

Does he know we can see him?

dear god, i am so fucking hungry, yall please just do whatever heterosexuals do so i can go eat a popsicle 

the human version of the trash man from sesame street is realizing that those two are going to fuck on his trash can 

Tmw you capture an angry short dude and start trashtalking him where he can hear 

Omg what if we kissed but we actually kissed the lil goblin man under us

"Remember, don't feed him after midnight"

originally taken from: the Théâtre de Capitole du Toulouse’s 2017 staging of Giacomo Meyerbeer’s Le prophète, featuring Leonardo Estevez (right, on fake horse) as Le Comte d’Oberthal

Responses:

“When I said we needed to drain the swamp I didn’t think there were people actually living there”

horse? what horse? no sir i dont know what horse youre referring to.

definitely don't have a napoleon complex going on

King stole La Scala‘s Lohengrin set

king breaks all his horses, has to use statue dragged by servants as transportation because he’s too kingly too walk

Emperor Söder and his subjects on a carnival procession

man on horse makes a big deal out of being on a horse

That’s not Zeffirelli because the horse is not alive

Who the fuck put a horse on the stage

isn't this that picture of napoleon on the horse

Area Count Thinks Citizens will be Intimidated by his Extremely Fake-looking Horse Statue-- closest

Everyone wants their turn on the giant plaster horse. Police are there to make sure everyone waits their turn.

Night out with the lads

Local royalty horrified at the state of his own damn kingdom

gay army fights different gay aesthetics-- hi author how does it feel to be the funniest fucking person on this quiz

Well at least I LOOK badass

ceasar if he hadn't gotten stabbed (colourised)

some soldiers jumped out of my kindergarten fairytale collection book to burn the don carlos flemish deputies at the stake

It’s just a model

Is that how you feel pulling up in your Honda Civic, Madge?

Someone rides a horse statue in public.

Just a normal party with the bros.

what is this, some kind of crossover episode? 

Terribly sorry for all the fuss, it’s just, that is, my horse is afraid of neck ruffles. I’ve tried to talk to him about it, but he’s—whoaaa there—he said he was a french courtier in a past life and he’s allergic to English fashion 

Horse seller, listen to me! I am riding into battle. I need your strongest horse. - We have horses at home. - The horses at home: 

All hail Incitatus the king 

we are not ripping off shakespeare’s henry viii. what the fuck. this is about lenny xi you uncultured swine, go drown in a pit of your own farts 

oh god is that hamilton 

Guy Removed From Art Museum For Sitting On Statue, more at eleven 

Gay <3

Officer: This horse... is a virgin! Crowd: *cheers*

originally taken from: the Parma Verdi Festival’s 2017 staging of Giuseppe Verdi’s Stiffelio, featuring Maria Katzarava (left) as Lina and Luciano Ganci (right) as Stiffelio

Responses:

That One kid in class

its a mEntAL BreAkDowN *final countdown but kazoo*

*record scratch* yeah, that's me. you're probably wondering how I got here-- closest

Dad keeps monologuing, teenager is done

left: all of my concerned friends, right: my emo ass having a very public mental breakdown

the demons in the corner of my room when im just trying to sleep

lady gets mansplained to (do i need to say more, we've all been there)

It’s probably an area baritone telling off an area soprano-- sorry; it’s a tenor. soprano is right though.

That was a fake horse in the last photo right?

child comes out as gay to father at a particularly bad time

dissociation solves everything

I can't believe it's not butter

Honey we talked about this

My sleep paralysis demon is Crowley from supernatural

child has nightmare of boring job

When you start dating a singer but he won’t stop practicing at night

just an average day in a hetero marriage

what do i do my wife's having period cramps again

Stop having an existential crisis. It’s time to sing!

“No son of mine will kin Gomez Addams under MY roof”

Crowley stares into space while a teen has post nut clarity.

When he wont stop reciting jordan peterson monologues!!

Do you realize how effed you are?

Ugh, not this lecture again! Dad’s Practicing For His Experimental Indie Band Again 

asking your parents for help with your own personal situation and them just ranting off about what they went through instead of helping in any way 

Will he shut up already!

no one tell him he’s yelling in the wrong direction, no one tell him plnsbdjddhdj 

this kid is tired of his dad listening to rush limbaugh (a man who claimed to be pro life but died anyway) 

Me internally vs externally 

Daddy issues

originally taken from: the Grand Théâtre de Genève’s 2020 staging of Giacomo Meyerbeer’s Les Huguenots, featuring several chorus members

Responses:

It’s the deadly eye Of Poogley-pie. Look away, look away, As you walk by, ‘Cause whoever looks right at it Surely will die. It’s a good thing you didn’t … You did? … Good-bye. - shel Silverstein

why the fuckith? my good sir, i beg of you to put your pants back on

I hate this itchy hat

Titanic Extras hear that they have to do extra hours

people waiting to board the titanic watch someone fall off the plank

pov: you’re a time traveler

guy in the flatcap is embarrassed by patriotism and pathos

No idea. For some reason Le Marseillaise comes to mind

Is this from Harry Potter?

disneyland main street usa workers on strike

local tries to hide behind Newsies cap to avoid unpleasant but inevitable conversations. meanwhile, some very fashionable ladies look on.

"Thank fuck, 2020 was just a dream after all"

“We gather here today because this bitch got exactly what she deserved” “heaven!” “Stfu Stephanie she’s going to hell and we all know it”-- not quite but this basically happens later on in the opera (and act) so yeah (except the person in question very much Did Not Deserve It)

dc movie filter on bridgerton

america?

looks like my history teacher paused the prohibition documentary again

Who still wears page boy hats bro?

Coming out to a room of people who Already Knew That

Bitches are relieved at some party.

Several drunk people exiting getting off the subway attempting to seem sober and rational but realizing they have somehow lost all of their possessions

How tf do I act natural in this situation-- closest

“do you think any of them noticed that I don’t know the pledge of allegiance” 

It's too fucking hot outside for this outfit 

?

when hyyh yoonkook ending just hits different 

pedestrians watch in horror as the triangle shirtwaist factory burns and the workers throw themselves out of the windows from a dozen stories up 

Starting the pledge of allegiance be like 

He's having a heart attack oh no oh god oh fuck

originally taken from: if I remember correctly, the Semperoper Dresden’s 2018 semi-staging of Johann Strauss II’s Die Fledermaus, with Jonas Kaufmann as Gabriel von Eisenstein

Responses:

“William Shakespeare wrote: "To thine own self be true And it must follow, as the night the day Thou canst not then be false to any man" I believe this wise statement best applies to a woman A blonde woman Over the past three years she taught me And showed us all That being true to yourself never goes out of style Ladies and gentlemen Our valedictorian: Elle Woods!” - legally blonde the musical

eat ass, suck a dick, and sell drugs

woooooorrrrd

Finally Jonas has graduated! It’s about time, considering he’s an international star.

what my professors think they look like

Prof. Dr. Dr. When someone tells him there are more than two genders

'and since you've now graduated high school, you'll be entering college etc. blablabla' .........meanwhile, there's a whole row of graduates daring each other to chug the cheap vodka one of them has brought in gallons (yes that happened at my graduation, lol)

Jonas darling baby <3-- can’t argue with that

I just realized I have no idea what the actual fuck happens in an opera

ok this one is just what jonas kaufmann always wears you can't fool me.

"as valedictorian i will share with you the importance of loving the floor"

"Yes, mother, my art degree will make me money!"

Graduation speakers are out, singers are in

Senior year takes a new meaninbg

mansplainer professor explains the concept of feminism to women

Your Prof when you finally turn in that missing assignment be like

younger boris johnson (derogatory)

jonas kaufmann retires from opera and takes up motivational speaking

What a fine graduation evening we’re having today

-70 points for slytherin you all have no swag

A man with a college hat sings.

An obviously greying actor trying to play a university student in a low-budget porn parody

How it feels to graduate high school after being held back for years

East High is a place where teachers encouraged us to break the status quo and define ourselves as we choose. Where a jock can cook up a mean crème brûlée, and a brainiac can break it down on the dance floor-

I may not have been "cool" in high school, but in ten years you will all be working for me!

I finally got my GED!

that one guy in ur intro to cultural anthropology class who mansplains to the professor somehow fucking graduated

he;s just graduating and taking his speech too serously idk

Graduation speeches with that one dude who got held back 3 times

Smrt

originally taken from: the Metropolitan Opera’s 2011 staging of Gioachino Rossini’s Le Comte Ory with Joyce DiDonato (left) as Isolier, Diana Damrau (center) as Countess Adèle, and Juan Diego Florez (right) as Le Comte Ory (disguised as a hermit)

Responses:

There is something very [disturbing grunts] About polyamorous couples - polyamorous, Chris Fleming

jinkies

femme fatale (including to herself)

I’ll have a threesome soon !

Hot guy walks by, everyone swoons.

thirdwheeling friend does not realize the other two are having sex

When your girlfriend had „just two beers“ again

jesus is exasperated about having to drag the two ladies towards doing what he needs them to do instead of purple dramatically declaring suicidal intent over the smallest trivial matters and red being equally dramatic about declaring that it's not the way! stay alive! i love you!!

The throuple is thriving

Get off the milf

orgy

my last three braincells because im a horny slut

countess receives too much love and is confused on how to react

Rasputin's lesser known romp with a much older czarina of russia

Woman's soul leaves body

Jesus and co. are worried after another woman gets pregnant without having sex

bisexual looks at photos of celebrity couples

When you go to the party to socialize with new people but your weirdo friend group starts getting clingy

Jesus cumming

one of those weird church christmas pageants but everybody's drunk

What have I done

Hozier??????????

Jesus assfucks some purple lady being hugged.

This time, the chick IS the magnet

An affair/threesome gone awry (2019 colorized)

What do you mean they canceled GLOW?

“I TOLD you it was cashmere!”

Are you wearing the - - The Gucci dress? Yes I am.

It's not what it looks like!

jesus is fucking that one cheerleader who grew up to be a suburban mom with one (1) super cool dress she stole from her kid who is desperately hugging her middle begging for it back because the spring fling is coming up and jason might actually make eye contact with her for more than three seconds.

jesus and mary magdaline and some other bitch

I’m at a bar and these drunk girls are flirting with me, do I lOOK GAY?!

Shrek 5, jesus's return

c. 2025 First attempt of an Officer and his Wife with a Handmaiden (colourized)

just about all of these are close lol

originally taken from: the Bolshoi Theater’s 1993 staging of Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky’s The Maid of Orléans, featuring Nina Rautio (left) as Joan of Arc and Vyacheslav Pochapsky (right) as Thibaut d’Arc

Responses:

Don’t look, I’m still pooping

yall, the audacity of this man. he fuckin talked to me

*i can't even tell you how wrong you are* *it would be insulting to ME*-- closest

Cospeto!

„No I’m not talking to you, you keep cracking bad jokes!“ - „But I got another!“

when you’re mad at him but he says he’ll buy you food if you cheer up

When I’m wallowing in self-pity but my friends won’t comfort me

right: wanna fuck ;) left: yeah, fuck OFF lmao

Her face is screaming “don’t tell me what to do”

Yeah I got nothing

gay man tries to hit on a lesbian bc he thinks she's a twink. she's not amused but she's watching this happen anyway

me tired of MET's bullshit and them organising a Netrebko, known blackface apologist, a recital during Black History Month. (sorry im still fucking salty lol)

"stop smiling at me like that I'm trying to pout over here"

"I got fleas, you got fleas... wanna fuck?"

I have the best idea!

Haha nooooo don’t hit me with that bat you’re so sexxyy

lesbian is bothered by dilf

Me trying to flirt

if call me by your name was hetero and set in america

how many more dad jokes can i take before i explode

So. You’ve gotten yourself in a little pickle again.

What if we fought in the Russian revolution together ✨???????... unless??

Two people flirt in a poor place of town/

"If you ask me what I've got under this dirty, shapeless tunic one more time I swear to god I will kick your rotting teeth in"

You look like ur gonna kill me but ok

Really? You again?

Okay, I’ve been sitting here for 20 minutes, do you think it’s safe to—oh god, he’s still there.

Have you seen Godot?

she is tired of everyone’s shit. she has done so many derivatives it physically pains her to see a variable. dont test her. ur icarus rn.

idk pick better pictures-- I HAVE DIED THE SHEER AUDACITY AND HUBRIS I LOVE THIS

200% done with your crap 

Homeless man has fucking legs of steel n is gonna show off his Russian dance moves

originally taken from: the Théâtre de Capitole du Toulouse’s 2019 staging of Paul Dukas’ Ariane et Barbe-bleue, featuring Sophie Koch (right) as Ariane and I don’t remember who the person on the left is rip me

Responses:

The knight who wore this into battle sure was swaggy

dear god its hiddeous

Capitalism

Knight in shining armour gone even more wrong.

ghost contemplates the safety of spiky motorcycle helmet

„Stop! He feels bullied!“

'this is my newest take for jesus's crucifixion crown ...... what do you mean they already put him up'

That’s probably a really expensive magic helmet idk. IDK-- closest

Omg I love the adventure zone!

minesweeper (windows xp)

"Okay whatever you do don't touch the shiny spiky ball" "It's so shiny I wanna touch it"

Taking down the trash way too late

IT'S NOT A PHASE MOM

Darth Vader got stuck in the freezer.... again. Leia isn’t happy

Star Wars 2030

“And here is the very latest in motorcycle helmet trends” “Look, I only came to the mall for a pair of socks “

futuristic kkk

long-suffering jewelry store attendant really wants to retire

Put it down put it down put it down

“Hmm no you should see a doctor about that”

A weird ass crown is presented

The creation of sars-cov-2: an experimental Eurotrance nightclub art piece gone horribly wrong

How it feels to want something that u cant have

AND WE WILL CALL IT—SPIKE MAN actually do you think that’s too obvious?? Because of the—yeah, because of the spikes?? See, that’s what I’m worried about. I want it to be SCARY

I know it's risky but... lube me up

?

use the force luke.

that is a weird fleshlight

When you get an ugly gift and need to find a way to get rid of it, so your family member/friend offers to smash it

Touch the orb

originally taken from: the Opera Vlaanderen’s 2019 staging of Fromental Halévy’s La Juive, with Nicole Chevalier (left, with bottle) as Princess Eudoxie, Enea Scala (center, under table) as Prince Léopold, and Roy Cornelius Smith (right) as Éléazar

Responses:

When no one comes to your birthday party :(

fantastic, day 487 of mischief and they have yet to find my masterful hiding spot

i really wonder who he thinks he's playing footsie with

Marriage crisis. Reason sits under the table-- closest but not in the way you think (after all, the man under the table IS a tenor).

the last supper afterparty after jesus left

When you order the last supper on wish

espionage at the Politischer Rosenmontag

Probably the wrong opera but is that Leporello under the table

Now THIS is a Good Friday night

this was every birthday party i went to between the ages of 5 and 11

that awkward moment when you drop your fork under the table but when you re-emerge everyone else has left except one drunk lady and the guy trying to deal with her

After the last supper

Tfw you arrive to the dinner party too early and have to hide until a more fashionable hour

When the cishets aren’t home

waiter hides from customers

Nobody: My dog every time I’m eating:

what's left of the homies Jesus had dinner with

university chem lab experiment gone terribly wrong

I’ve been under the table FOR 30 MINUTES

Set your friends up by tossing them off under the table, they’ll think it’s each other n fall in luv

Someone hids under a table

"You're about to see an surreptitious-under-the-table-dick-sucking master at work"

5 yr old me trying to eat the desert under the table without my parents finding out be like:

They never invite me to their parties!

Just another girl’s night in

Oops! Didn’t notice you the table.

dionysus - bts (2019, colorized)

just a normal episode of eric andre (eric is the one under the table)

Just a normal day with the boys

Thievery

originally taken from: the Théâtre de Capitole du Toulouse’s 2017 staging of Giacomo Meyerbeer’s Le prophète, featuring Kate Aldrich (left, surrounded by women in white) as Fidès and John Osborn (center, looking like a Jesus doppelganger) as Jean de Leyde

Responses:

Hold up, is that Eggman above Jesus?

holy disco

Looks like Tannhäuser. Our lord and saviour Richard Wagner. Now I need to be saved from that.

catholicism

me defending pineapple on pizza (THANK YOU)

jesus but hes about to be abducted by the alien ufo above him

Emmmmmmm Heaven? Idk

Lord of the rings?

ewww christianity gross

"behold, I am Important"

"Seriously?? It's not ACTUALLY pyjama day? Fuck you guys!"

Jesus at the Disco

Jesus Finds The Molerat People Who Live Under Bethlehem

disco is heaven

Want to join my new religion?

the kkk

church christmas pageant where everyone's sober but it's based on the director's fever dream

Am I the only one who sees the giant demon? Just me? Okay...

“Oh god I think I’m starting my period”

A party is held with a priest in the middle

"Let's get this secret Vatican sex party rolling!"

The new avengers endgame set is looking great!!

You know, guys, I try not to be a bother but...I can’t help but feel like I missed a dress code memo for this wedding??? It’s cocktail, right??”

Jesus visits Hogwarts

I must really stink if no one will even come close to me

the extra ass funeral i DESERVE

star wars life day

A cult at it’s best-- closest

Shrek 5, Jesus is still there I guess

originally taken from: the Royal Opera House, Covent Garden’s 2013 staging of Giuseppe Verdi’s Les vêpres siciliennes, featuring Bryan Hymel (left, standing) as Henri, Lianna Haroutounian (center, kneeling in the black gown) as Duchess Hélène, and Erwin Schrott (kneeling to her right) as Jean Procida

Responses:

When the director’s like “great rehearsal guys, just a few notes before I let you go” but it’s already 9:13 and your mom’s waiting in the parking lot

loyalist of subjects

bow before your queen

They forgot to take down the stage boxes after the Vienna opera ball but the show must go on.

somebody forgot to book chairs for this funeral

Me sharing God’s (Hayley koyoko) word on the discord server

mass execution bc the oboe solo sucked ass-- closest

That’s too many black suits I can’t see shit

I can’t even tell what’s going on here

8th grade school assembly about how it's uncool to shit on the walls at school

let's all get fancy so we can go to the opera and sit on the stage (idk this one's hard lol)

"Yes i am a time traveller, now don't freak out"

Tfw you forget to pay your lighting bills

White guys make decisions that will benefit them and screw someone that’s not a white guy over-- OUCH but that is too real (although not really in context here)

dead man gives speech at his own funeral

brotus and the boys ??? last meeting before the stabbing

high society social function ends in mass murder-- right opera, wrong scene

Someone walks into the talent show stage with a dog

Black-dressed bitches worship a man.

Worst school assembly of all time

POV:You're the window in the classroom and someone said "its snowing"

When the conductor shows up fashionably late to the orchestra concert

That's what you get for choosing the cheapest ticket option, get back in the mud where you belong

?

theyre just trying to jump into a grave at a funeral leabe them alone this is normal

oh my god he really whipped his dick out in front of everyone, this is just like in 1776 guys, except some women are actually in the room this time,

A funeral, stop wearing so much black

I want to slap their bald heads like rice

originally taken from: the Teatro Real Madrid’s 2018 staging of Gaetano Donizetti’s Lucia di Lammermoor, featuring Roberto Tagliavini (right) as Raimondo

Responses:

Crowd “haha!! Looks like someone missed the all-black memo!! Now it’s laugh-in-your-face time! / Guy on the floor (whispering to guy against wall): go, save yourself! I’ll hold them off...”

if i leave now i wont be a witness and can tell the police i had no idea

it was the best of times, it was the worst of times

Guy in the back pretends to help but is to far away to even know what’s going on.

priest walks in on beginning of an orgy, contemplated joining but is too scared-

when someone brings up capitalism but you’re just trying to play minecraft

lol lets trample this guy while the judge isnt looking

Again. Too many black costumes

Loved this Dostoevsky novel

i would know if opera directors were more creative with clothing choices ngl

me on parties lol

"imma just sneak out of here while everyone else is distracted"

"Where did he get this flooring!? Amazing!"

Everyone act normal!

The tell tale heart but they got REALLY drunk

man tposes to ward off vampires after being caught undercover

boys ???? night

the priest really shouldn't have visited the insane asylum-- closest

He’s FINE everyone’s been hit by a car before

Something happens in a room.

Perks of being a wallflower

There's always that one person in the fight whos trying not to get involved when they really wanna

Oh good, they’re all posing for a Rembrandt painting, I can just sneeeeaaak out the back here...

The gamer livestreaming Resident Evil + everyone watching the stream ? waiting for him to open the door just knowing it will trigger a chase scene

Quick!

the guy t posing in the back is regretting his every decision.-- also accurate

the us senate jumps ted cruz, some other wack ass gop senator is trying to sneak away

...I spoke too soon, however this is a James Bond mission

Queers help fellow queer do math but it's a struggle