#nope no fucks given
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What do you mean Nobara and Maki got married? Freaking knew it!
#it's a joke but nope sorry can't tell me otherwise#'but kiya yuta--' had grandkids yes but given panda is giving the commentary#then why in the fuck didn't he mention maki who he knew longer than yuta?#exactly! him? the ultimate shipper on deck for those two (which i still cringe at honestly) wouldn't mention yuta AND maki having grandkids?#oh please!!!#which tells me that nobara and maki got married can't convince me otherwise#They're the cool wine aunts to yuta's grandkids#maki being a surrogate mom though i can see#just kiya's thoughts#jjk#jujutsu kaisen#jjk spoilers#jjk manga spoilers#nobamaki#makinoba#zenin maki#maki zenin#kugisaki nobara#nobara kugisaki
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orv's usage of symbolism is interesting because it rarely has symbols As Simply Symbols. a good 95% of the time, its symbols are often primarily plot-related mechanical stuff, like the fourth wall, or unbroken faith. they are things that move the plot along and are used as tools in-universe to solve problems. one of the genius elements of the skills/stigmata system is that those abilities do INCREDIBLE heavy lifting for characterization, by both being talents the characters can apply in ways that reveal who they are as people, and by being symbols that reveal aspects of a character by the mere fact of the character possessing them.
this is very unlike a lot of other stories! most of the time, if something exists in a work to be a symbol, the symbolism is its primary narrative function, and any other plot-moving functions are secondary or nonexistent. and most of the time, that's totally fine. orv has symbols that work that way too: the white and black coats (and by extension white page/black letters) and the squared circle. they're images that serve to inform the reader about integral ideas to the story.
but it's brilliant for a story that is primarily fantasy-action-adventure to take its mechanical plot items or skills, which are incredibly necessary to the progression most fantasy action stories, and then have them be incredibly symbolic. it's not new ground to break, either. this is something a lot of fantasy stories do. but it feels very unique because of how symbolically charged nearly EVERYTHING is, and how in-depth the symbolism often is! especially for the really major plot mechanics (fourth wall as ultimate example) they often serve as metaphor for a number of things simultaneously. it makes for a reading experience that is very engaging because there's always so much going on, and it often makes the reader feel clever for noticing it!
#narrates#orv#i could rattle on for a while about how well orv bundles up multiple narrative purposes and thematic ideas in relatively small spaces#for a novel this long it is SHOCKINGLY good at conveying a ton of information in not a lot of words#given its length and subject matter it is Absolutely acceptable for it to meander. thats what you generally get in a long fantasy novel#but nope. its pretty to the point. it just has a fucking lot to say and a lot of fun shit it wants to show you
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Yeah I am mad about how the authors treated their sweet angel Abeke actually.
Bad things that happened to Abeke:
Mom, only person to understand her, died pre-series
Dad and sister are emotionally abusive
Tricked by her enemies and roped onto the wrong side
Distrusted by the rest of the Four and believed to be a spy
Targeted by Meilin in particular
Kidnapped by obnoxious pre-teen boys
Gets frostbite
Gets concussed
Gets stabbed
Gets captured
Gets beaten up by Meilin
Lied to and betrayed by her dearest friend
Meanwhile dad DISOWNS her
Understandable depressive episode
Makes up with dad because he apparently decided he wanted to keep treating his daughter like shit
Mauled by cougars
Loses Uraza to arch-nemesis Zerif
Another extremely understandable depressive episode
Nicknamed "hollow-girl" which tells you a lot
Almost killed by Uraza on two separate occasions
Friend* killed by Uraza
Denied proper resolution with said friend
Doesn't get to kill arch-nemesis Zerif
Doesn't get to use her Rain Dancer powers a single time
Attacked by ants
Mid bond token
Can't even keep her cat
Justice for Abeke.
#jesus himself didn't suffer so much as abeke#reading this list back like what the fuck was going on#abeke has not done a single thing wrong in her life ever#yes some of these events were necessary and furthered her as a character#but many were not. and some were downright harmful to her character growth#are we ready to talk about how the black girl was the designated punching bag of the series? (stares directly into the camera)#(to drive my point home consider how she was the only one of the four to have to bleed in order to wake the bond token spirit. lol)#and what is she given to show for it!#nothing. shitty bio family. dead boyfriend. MID BOND TOKEN.#i'd be more satisfied with it all if she got her moment to kill zerif/the wyrm and be the hero and become even more revered and glorified#in the world's eyes#but nope#zerif was the hero in the end i guess (eye twitches)#there's such little payoff for the seven hells she went through it's kind of sickening#meilin's apology to her is incredibly brief. no scene of rollan or conor apologizing.#nothing at all from her family. in fact blatant confirmation that NOTHING has changed and she's still presumably being mistreated.#not a single moment alone with redeemed shane to talk about everything. not one.#abeke my forever favourite. my dearest beloved. the authors loved to hurt you but mark my words i will give you the happiest ending of all#you will be honoured in life and your name will be remembered long after the others' have faded into obscurity#people hundreds of years into the future will form a religion around you probably. and you will be worshipped as a goddess. as you deserve#text#original erdas#spirit animals#spirit animals books#spirit animals series#abeke
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Enomatsumiki ot3 charts bc them and Chappell Roan is the only thing that has been keeping me stable
#scarposts#not going in ANY major tags#nope#enomatsumiki#that one is ok bc its mostly empty anyway#anyway i have been cooking with my Remnant Matsuda au#you should totally ask me about it btw#but with the actual chart#alot of it is steeped in canon#like matsuda being the first to apologize after a fight#which he does in dr0#and mikan too bc she would apologize before the fight was even over#also the firsts are a bit confusing mainly bc matsushima was together way beforehand so#except the wake up one#thats bc i believe that they would wake up together at the same time bc they commute to work together#if they sleep to begin with#junko however just snoozes away#also not sure with the tropes#childhood freinds are a given#but i did coworkers and classmates for matsumiki bc thats the best i could#and love at first sight and patient nurse for junkan bc i have no fucking clue#pick your poison i suppose#Jealousy is not with each other btw its outsiders#matsuda with two people who thrive off pda when he absolutely does not#its ok they have each other then they can bother him when they are alone#Actually whats with mikan working well with people she absolutely should not?#mikan: i dont like when ppl are mad or bored... i always think its my fault :(#junko and yasuke: 😐😠#mikan: <333333333333333333333333333#she chose the woman who destroyed the world bc of boredom and the guy who is immune to having a good day
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aye can i get a fuckin uuuhhhh
break. on my burger
#shit chat#family cw#got sicker than i have been in years my bank closed my checking account on accident work is nightmarishly busy#and my mother is sending strings of long voice memos in the family group chat again#i simply will not be listening to them. at most i'll ask my dad or brother for the sparknotes version#bc her pattern for the better part of this year has been radio silence. no attempt at communication whatsoever#and then BAM like 5-10 min worth of voice memos screaming crying sobbing shaking#I DON'T KNOW WHAT I HAVE TO DO TO GET MY CHILDREN TO FORGIVE ME. I'M CRAWLING ON MY KNEES ON THE DESERT FOR A HUNDRED YEARS REPENTING#WHAT THE FUCK IS FAMILY FOR YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU MORE THAN ANYTHING AND I'M SUFFERING SO MUCH AND I'M ALONE BECAUSE#MY FAMILY ABANDONED ME. I HAVE NO ONE. I DON'T KNOW WHAT I DID BUT I'M BEGGING. I NEED HELP I NEED MY KIDDOS AROUND ME PLEASE I'M DYING#followed by several minutes of sordid updates on her shitty miserable life#which is tbf pretty shitty & miserable. she's extremely physically disabled & mentally ill#her partner had a severe stroke a couple months ago and is still recovering. they've both been in & out of hospital#neither working. partner's adult son who lives with them is the only income in the household#partner's permanently disabled mother also lives with them. plus 2 large dogs 6 cats and 3 each of chickens & ducks#they're in court suing their landlord bc he's trying to evict them but the property is an uninhabitable shithole to begin with#but like. whenever i do make the mistake of responding to one of her groupchat tantrums#she's just like 'oh you know me im a survivor :) i just miss yous is all :) now that you're here i'm gonna bitch about my life for an hour#and ignore everything you have to say and show active disdain & boredom whenever you tell me anything about yourself or your life :)'#and if i offer help she refuses it#like it's just a bid for attention. expecting unconditional love and absolution and salvation from us bc That's What Families Do#she doesn't actually seem to give a shit about any of us as real people. just this ironclad delusion of unconditional family support#that she frankly has not earned#my brother actually did go visit her in the hospital on thanksgiving. driving 2hrs out of his way to do so#and she was a raging passive aggressive bitch to him and threw the gift he'd brought her back in his face#ma'am i know you're Going Through It but so are the rest of us & frankly you've given me zero reason to want to interact w/ ur caustic ass#plus this is petty but yet another way in which she doesn't listen to me & makes no attempt whatsoever at genuine relationship#i've told her numerous times that responding to groupchat voice memos is hard for me. that i love & miss her#and if she wants to see me or needs help or whatever to please contact me one on one either by call or text#nope. refuses to respond to/initiate individual contact. ONLY traumadumping in the fam chat. TLDR MY MOM IS A DISFUNCTIONAL TOXIC NIGHTMARE.
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sometimes you need to have life-altering realizations, cry about them, and then move on be fine and figure something else out
#my job is not sustainable with my health#which is. incredibly fucking devastating if im being real!#ive already given up every other dream I ever had because they were unattainable due to disability#and then I found this job that I love so so so much and could picture doing for the rest of my life#only to have more disability stuff pop up and nope! this isnt gonna work as a career either#and that is. devastating#in a word#but.#im gonna figure it out#im thinking of going back to uni maybe#I dont know#im thinking of either doing a hard pivot into sciences and going into wildlife biology to work with bears#or maybe going to a different college for journalism#im not planning on leaving my job anytime soon#but I need to plan for the future#I could also maybe stay working in schools and be a clerk#we'll see#lots to figure out#cried a lot about it#trying to focus on the future now and not get bogged down in my feelings
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graduate E&M has got to be a hazing ritual. there's no other reason why it has any right to be this painful.
I feel like I have been spending all damn day working on my homework and have gotten absolutely fucking nowhere (read: 3/4 of one singular question done! there are four questions on my homework! I am going to cry or scream or both I am so fucking exhausted)
#I thought quantum was going to be the problem class given how horribly undergrad quantum kicked my ass#hahaha NOPE#if I have to deal with another week of homeworks that are this fucking bad I swear to god#chattering#tales from the phd
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Adrestia :
I will defeat the false goddess. I will save this world from those creatures and give humanity its freedom back!
Should the one leading the people of the world be someone with humanity or a creature that can merely masquerade as a human at will?
The children of the goddess have been defeated at last. The shape of the world will be forever changed. Humanity is free now. The world is ours once again.
You are a child of the goddess. You must not be allowed power over the people!
Brigid :
The Demon's hair exhibits new color. It is like something from one of Brigid's old stories. "One will be chosen by the spirits and granted their protection. And with that protection, great power."
In Brigid, we have legends. Stories containing people who have a spirit living inside of them. Those spirit people have much strength. They are maybe able to fly in the air or race across the ocean. Hair that shines and eyes that glow... They have qualities that are not unlike what you are looking like, Professor. Do not have doubt, Professor. The powers you have are like the powers of the legends.
Silly Petra, hopefully in Tru Piss and Supreme Bullshit, she's fully Adrestianised and understands her foolish savage folklore were only lies and deceit spread by those vile creatures masquerading as humans to keep control over Fodlan, but savage and ignorant as her people are, they prefered to buy those lies instead of "defeating" them all to free the world for humanity.
And people say Imperialism BaD, go figure!
But if Petra remains uncivilised and ditches Adrestia's warm embrace, she allows those creatures to rule over humanity again, propagating her foolish and ridiculous tales :(
#fodlan nonsense#this line in nopes hits hard#she's talking about Sothis!Billy#but hey if Billy is now a spirit person like the persons in her legends#why isn't she wondering why the fuck are we attacking them?#given how green hair and green eyes aren't vested like crusts with a blood transfusion#and Billy needed Sothis to become green#how the crap are people turning green in Brigid?#Unless Brigid had half nabateans? And sometimes with magic genetics a 1/25th Nabatean inherits the powers and traits of their nabatean#ancestor?#unless we're supposed to believe there are Nabateans living in Brigid and maybe having kids#and that's the excuse they came up to explain why they're different from the humans living there?#Granted Petra doesn't seem to have any negative view about Nabs unlike Supreme Leader#which makes the entire Tru Piss route a giant circus#unlike we're supposed to believe that just like Supreme Bullshit Ferdie#Petra actively hunts Nabateans with Supreme Leader to make her allegiance clear just in case#idk#tfw Flayn has Brigid cousins chilling when she's out there in Fodlan wondering if she could ever live in peace in her home and invited them#someday#the 'great power' part from SB though#given how she says this after seeing Billy!Sothis in the path where we kill them#it raises all kinds of red flags remember last time humans knew nabateans had great power?#oh well#3 nopes#FE16
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#VENT#VENT TAGS AHEAD !!#so the job is...awful.#i applied for 20-25 hours#they asked if i could do 30#and now theyre pushing me into 40.#i didn't realize that when i agreed to 30 that was NOT binding (i should have known because it wasn't in my job offer. but i am 19 and--#ive never had a job offer letter before. even tho this is just retail)#and i can't adjust my availability for 90 days.#and since i put full availability expecting 25 hours max#now i have FULL 24/7 AVAILABILITY ON FILE for three months at least#and i have no idea what to do because this means i cant commit to any classes coming up for college#but ive been job hubting for months and barely got anything#and if i lose the job i have to move back in with my dad which is almost worse#whats wirse is my leader/boss is so mean. im not saying this lightly#i dont want to get into it but im barely a week in and he's made disrespectful and pushy comments towards me#has basically told me to stay late (which theoretically i cluld say no; but im still on my three months of 'we will fire you if we want to'#and like i said. need the job.#so he told me to stay late knowing i cant really say no#he's given me a frankly absurd amount of work (instock and i get carts filled woth 2-3x their max capacity unorganized and dangerously--#overloaded) and then he pushes me and snaps at me to get it done in an absurdly short timeframe while im still in TRAINING#im afab and present femme as i haven't transitioned irl and he is so ragingly sexist#he often just refers to me and the other girl being trained as 'girl' or 'that girl#and to top it all off#i took this job over a second interview at a place i really liked#because i thought the hours at this olace would be more consistent#nope! full time! surprise!!#and now im kicking myself so fucking hard over it. i feel like i fucked up so hard#and my friend i moved here with has been home for two months and will be this month so im just. alone. and i don't really have anyone to#turn to. im just so very stressed and tired and lonely
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i now understand why the first time i saw this post somebody had tagged it "faulkner"
#og#i was so sure i was SO DAMN SURE that he'd given them like a fake version of the wither mark#i thought it was so clever#nope. just plain fucked it right up didnt ya bud#anyways we in the home stretch now so like. sorry for whatever emotions/cope are about to come next#kaleigh listens to tsv
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I aspire to be a lover not a hater. but
#long heavy exasperated siiiiiggghhh#I love seeing ongoing discussions around my blorbos#except for the fact that people canNOT stop being little haters#people talk about your favorite stan twin without bashing the other one challenge (failed. SO many times failed)#I get it people have favorites#but I think everybody should just stop. stop trying to compare the shit they've been through and arguing who had it worse#please I beg of you#first of all we don't have the full story for either of them and we never will#second of all. while their external experiences are very much important and some were very damaging#it's ultimately INTERNAL conflict that drives them both#and guess what sometimes internally you can be doing shitty even if everything seems fine on the outside#hell brain chemicals can go haywire literally because of bad luck and no other fucking reason#'oh Ford got everything he wanted out of college despite going to BMU he has no right to complain'#'oh Stan had somewhere to live for those thirty years and people who liked him for some of them'#okay maybe those periods of their lives were more stable than their respective drifter years#doesn't mean everything was automatically peachy#hell we don't know that Stan didn't occasionally secure a better job/place to stay at some point between pines pawns and gravity falls#we don't know if some of the dimensions Ford visited were more peaceful and hospitable#I'm not necessarily saying either of these things are true I'm saying WE DON'T KNOW#ugh I was going somewhere with this and then I got lost in a rant#ultimately neither of them would have settled if given a chance because they were after something more#I do think there's potential in exploring the moments of good that happened in the bad times and the moments of bad that happened in the#good times and I think that's actually way more compelling than 'everything sucked all the time for X twin for Y years'#nope still haven't quite gotten back to my original point#which is STOP IT WITH THE OPPRESSION OLYMPICS. STOP STOP STOP STOP#okay rant over
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the fucking train schedule has changed for some goddamn unexplained reason. so i either have to wake up before 6 am and be a full 30 mins early, or need to run across the station within 3 minutes between two crowded trains and still be 10 mins late, or wake up at 6:30 -like ive always done- but arrive 30 mins late now, somehow
#WHY did they take out the train from 7:03???#theres no reasons given in the app or site#it went 2 weeks ago#its been going -afaik- for the entire school year#but nope. now its a bus or nothing#turning that first 3 min leg into an 8 min one#OR. i could bike to the main station. but that's not much better tbqh#im so fucking pissed#joos yaps#delete later#i was sick today too. thought id give it a shot tomorrow. now im sincerely doubting if its worth the efforr
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Headcanons for either or both of the Dane twins?
Going beneath a cut, because somehow this turned into 3k of Astrid stream-of-consciousness musings on ruling her city, bracketed with Holland's disgusted dead-pan snark.
The very worst thing, Holland thinks in the bleakest moments, is that the Danes aren't the worst rulers Makt has ever had.
***
Athos alone probably would be. He is the lord of infinite, fruitless defiance, and if the city wants to give him such gifts as rebellion, who is he to say no? He will simply fight them all as entertainment between bouts of indulging his insatiable curiosity about artifacts. Emerging victorious would soothe his terror that everyone lost the throne eventually even if it left the city in ruins and more corpses than living people.
But if Athos is lord of defiance, Astrid is lady of small mercies.
From the moment the old man was dead, Astrid knows she will show none of his faux love and camaraderie to her subjects. They might love her in return, and those who love a queen want to see it reflected back, need her words of praise for their devotion no matter how they prattle simple service will suffice.
Such displays are tedious, love reserved for Athos alone.
But gratitude? Gratitude has its uses.
She and her brother want to leave their mark on this world (and its people). If her brother's little stone is as strong as they believe, one day folk privileged to suffer beneath their blades may show their scars with pride and whisper what a gift they were given by Makt's saviors.
If they do not, well. More fool them.
But in the meantime, even an Antari cannot hold off a hundred angry citizens, if they decided to mob. And sometimes, the Danes satiation requires a few missing loved ones. And inevitably, discontented souls decide there must be new blood. In especially unfortunate moments, those close to traitors have chosen to mewl about her brother's punishments and must be put down in their turn.
Her beloved Athos never understood how the body forgets pain. Men and women drink. They promise themselves the blood they saw running in the gutter was not as red as all that. Besides, it will not happen to them. To live in this city is to become deaf to screams, even your own.
Look at her brother's pretty thing. How many times has Athos made him scream? (Enough it's added a permanent, graveled edge to his voice, Antari or no.) And still she and Athos catch those glimpses of defiant hatred that are almost better than the blood for her twin.
Profound appreciation, by contrast? Thankful obligation at holding a living, breathing child, where a month ago there was dying skin and bones? That will make a man hesitate before joining a revolution.
Appreciation may even bind the Antari better than the spell of which Athos is so proud.
'Obey and protect my sister' Athos always says when he won't be close to repeat an unheeded command.
Still, she has seen how he can resist myriad precautions binding every joint and muscle and bone ! Athos's will. Seen the foolish delays, misinterpretations. Seen him dare, if Athos' words are closer to suggestions ignore them outright, force her brother to the clearest possible command. She suspects he can withstand even better as Athos' proximity fades.
Wasted breaths are risk, when blood is in the balance. Fortunately, she is no fool, wrapping herself in enough amulets calling him to her aid is rarely necessary. He rides beside her to prove that even the Dane with slightly less black in her veins can easily control their demon.
But at almost every sign of threat, he moves unprompted. Not because he fears her brother's retribution, not because the seal compels. He comes too swiftly for either of those. Holland Vosijk comes because he knows if she died, he would never throw alms to the city that hates him. No subsidized wheat; Athos would love watching the men and women he trains to ride behind them—never beside, no one is given enough knowledge to stand as equal to they two—into Arnes—divide the city into wedges and make the people under their control scrabble and beg.
When she first saw the stacks and stacks of carefully labeled payments to spell-crafters and curse-makers, she'd thought none of Athos' experiments would be needed. The old man had found a way to open the doors, and now he was dead, and they could simply ride into Arnes and snatch the glory.
But a magical payment for each farmer to feed the city as a whole, rather than their chosen hoard, wasn't the worst idea. And Astrid would happily put the dead's ideas to fine use.
She graciously allows the pretty former knight over-see it, so long as he remembers the queen is always watching.
(Though when speaking of food and goods of all kinds, it is her brother who shines in trade. His tactic is so very simple. So very effective. A merchant enters the throne room. Athos informs them what they will bring to the city. Should they complain or protest, he does not even deign to blink. Merely says: "Unbutton your shirt." And while the merchant is gawping and spluttering, the Antari bears his Seal.
"Do you know what this is?" her brother asks, gently.
By the time he has demonstrated the Seal to his satisfaction—such a thorough tutor to the less accomplished, her twin— the question of whether the merchant's trade might improve under Athos' control does not need asking.
Once, Athos slipped a request for a woman's first-born into a contract revision and she signed without even looking, so desperate to flee from the throne before she had matching runes. She even dutifully paraded the child to the castle six months later. Athos had no interest now she behaved so well, but Astrid found gratitude at keeping her child made her a most excellent spy. within the city.)
And then there are the sick. Perhaps the Antari would be allowed his little preoccupation if her brother ruled alone, assuming the family were desperate enough to contribute a person to his servants' ranks. But even mindless, there's something in his guards that hungers to live, ducking blades and attacks on instincts most would swear puppets could not have. He rarely needs replacement.
On those occasions a petitioner dares bring the ill to their attention, Astrid takes whatever their pathetic tribute is. With gloves, of course, because assassins lurk everywhere. Takes the faded, wilted flowers and oddly shaped rocks with the tiniest bit of color lurking in stone veins from the children—so many are children, young and unscarred enough to believe facing the twins and their demon is a price gladly paid even as those they keep alive will likely betray them eventually.
Adults, when they come, bring carefully knitted blankets and finely spun clothes. Once, there were even the most lovely hair combs, made of some creature's shell far from the south the woman called a tortoise. Why she would surrender them for a squalling brat who has years and years to die while she has nothing else to barter, Astrid cannot guess. But she passed the combs to Albiz, her brother's favorite among the spell-working salon, to check for curses and let Holland do his work.
There are not many such petitioners, but every one will go back into the city and whisper of the queen's mercy, how she always stood between them and the demon, and when it was done, their friend or child or lover was alive. Whispers that will still other's discontent.
She keeps almost all those talismans, unless something catches her brother's fancy. Carves spells into the stones, wraps herself in the blankets, wears the finely made trousers.
Though she has little use for wilted posies. "Keep them," she says gently, savoring Holland's second flickering of desperate relief at being handed a token not steeped in blood.
Funny, how he is even responsible for Astrid's proudest creation, though he disdains her falcons. The complement to her brother's court of favored scholars and magicians. Where her brother's is equally spread between men and women, barely any of her falcons are men. Men are so terribly squeamish about having their bodies borrowed. And all her falcons wear a possession charm, so she may see any part of the city through their eyes whenever she wishes.
She could simply force her will, toss a charm over any likely-looking neck. But she wants keen servants, who will willingly call her attention to matters of interest. Made hungry enough from being overlooked they have the grit to never utter a word of complaint when she enters them abruptly. To never fight when she raises their hands or opens their mouths. To fall upon her prey in whatever manner she requires and ask no questions.
The obedience Athos must bind, given freely.
In return, they shall never starve, never offer their measly tributes to free family from pain, never serve anyone's will but she and Athos.
Years later, the keenest ferocity of them all, her magicless, intrepid Gudrun, under the thumb of a father who craved a drudge incapable of disobedience until she went to the market and ran to rumors of Astrid's glove, nets her flower boy. Whispers the most ridiculous, delightful story about forbidden letters and a knight-turned hound's vices that sees Astrid smiling even days later as she prepares to fully possess a prince. Whispers it with the sweet conviction she must have displayed to her father before Astrid murmurred he could not touch her. To do all the things she must have dreamed. (He learned then a knife could make even a magicless woman a man's greatest terror and Gudrun snarled in delight.) Whispers until the Antari falls to her talons, while Astrid watches from half a city away.
What she wants is easy. What she will call them does not come to her until after Holland's third visit to Arnes, feeling her brother's hand squeeze hers in delight at the wonders of this red city. Both their fingers ache pleasantly from expressing such delight at the hours-long recitation, as they have each time her brother told the Antari to 'account for each moment in the Red City'.
The prey-vulnerable Red Royals must think they are predators, dawdling with their letters, letting 'Master Holland' wander the city while they mull their answers, thinking themselves so safe with their doors. She would mock them more, save their complacency makes for beautiful tales.
Later, he will learn to speak of Arnesian wonders in a monotone as though they were fool enough to believe the city left him any less awestruck than they. But in these early days, even he cannot help closing his eyes at the thought of the fat, juicy rabbits a hunting party carried with them. Or perhaps it is the juice running in rivulets across her brother's fingers and lips as he savors the last few bites of apple. So sweet, that juice, when he had pressed it to her lips for the first bite. She had laughed until her sides ached, spun him about the throne room. She would offer her brother a bite of her own pasty—what a marvelous idea, to tell his pretty thing he must fetch back two things he had enjoyed most for them—but even three trips in, she knew his tastes ran to sweet and savory, not the burn that accompanied her meat and vegetables.
"Did you like it because it burned, pretty thing? Because everything in their world should carry the burn of their betrayal?" she had asked, hours ago, and relished the hiss of breath when he forced the Seal to jerk his head in affirmation.
"Even as you could not help wanting the sweet," Athos had laughed, graciously smearing some of the juice in a lingering kiss at the corner of the Antari's mouth. She could see the red shine of it still. Will he clean it away the second he is alone, or be unable to resist the last taste of sweetness even as he hates himself for it? she wondered, and then the Antari's voice cracked, and Athos gestured that he might fill one of the glasses beside the water pitcher and she exhaled her disappointment.
"We will scry his room and see what he does another day," Athos whispered, and of course he too had wondered if his pretty thing could resist temptation.
"The leader had a bird on his arm," the Antari continued barely a moment later, setting the emptied glass on the table and before he was done explaining how such a fierce thing rested so easily for bits of meat, she was striding to Athos' scrying basin, pulling Holland behind. "Clever, pretty thing, seeing what I need. Falcons."
Such beautiful ferocities, and she tried to touch the feathers even as she knew she would only ripple the water. "As Tosal," her brother said softly, pressing against her back and she blinked.
"Mhmm?"
"He will go back tonight and bring you one with As Tosal. It will make the bird still and silent, but not turn it to stone."
"Was it your favorite, when you made him demonstrate all his mysterious tricks to the salon?"
"You know me so well. We will send him jingling with compulsion coins and they will be none the wiser."
"It isn't a fruit I can have forgotten in a pocket if something goes wrong."
"Then you will not let it go awry, Holland. Do you think a week's silence on his return would make him more or less inclined to state the obvious. It is so very dull."
"More, to spite you. It is what comes of wanting a pet who bites. Athos, come here." She held her mad, foolhardy brother, who would weave a plan in an instant and risk all his great discoveries to bring her something marvelous without her even needing to ask, close to her chest. "The pretty thing is not wrong. Besides, I do not need a falcon, love, only their design. For my court. Can he-"
"Of course. Tell us the rest of the trip later. For now-"
"Holland-" This once, for bringing her such a gift, she will grant his name, since he has so little liking for her sobriquet, "Find the best silver smith in the city. A falcon, in flight. On a chain, small enough to slip beneath a shirt. Bring a finished one for approval by lunch tomorrow."
It was midnight, he would have to roust the Shal's leader from a warm bed to find a smith he would also disturb, he was tired. If the Antari thought any of these things, he did not say them, simply turned on his heel and left.
***
In the next seven years, Holland Vosijk can count, with fingers to spare, those Astrid Dane invites to her glove who flee the invitation. (Athos always let his magicians come grovelling, but Astrid's falcons were always keen-eared for new recruits) Perhaps it is his worst delusion, thinking they, too, see how much blood runs at the margins of a people who, if not content, are at least not especially restless.
There is fountains worth from the one hundred eighty-two killed by the Danes personally, and his sixty-four. The blood of fools who ran their mouths too freely to the innocuous-looking barmaid or shopkeeper or grandmother before a little silver charm emerged. Blood of crows know how many drunk by Athos' magicians for power.
When forced to collaborate or unearth magic, he can most easily hold his control near lady Albiz, who makes the job no crueler than necessary, heeds advice, and returns her dead to their people or buries them herself. And she still snuffed out two Maktahns the day she swanned into Athos' service. He will not forget that because she grants an ounce of respect.
Two lives she'd taken, that were merely one crime, on one day of two thousand five hundred fifty-five. Still full of all that blood, she'd strolled into morning court in a ragged tunic and skirt, pupils glassy from the sudden torrent of magic into a body that knew only a trickle.
Like Alox.
Fifteen and cocksure with it like him, too.
"I heard there was a place here for those who could take it. I'll be your best magician if you'll let me take enough. I'm tired of running dry."
There had always been people not even the king's knight could stop, no matter how it choked him to admit it. He could have wandered the streets, never sleeping, and still not stopped all the blood being shed. And sometimes. Sometimes, they had something Vor needed and he turned a blind eye and Holland fled to Arnes to be in a world where kings didn't have to allow atrocities for the greater good. Until the ache to smell ash and steel and the fear Vortalis was dead in his absence swamped the rage and tugged him home.
But Vortalis would never have leaned in and inhaled the blood clinging to her like a bouquet, licked the red from the corner of her mouth, mirth echoing off the walls until Holland's head throbbed when she moved like a desperate, striking snake to try for a kiss. As though he'd let it be stolen back from his tongue. Would never have said, for all to hear: "Defiant little thing, aren't you? You're the third most beautiful person I've seen all month."
How many lives might be saved, if Albiz and worse weren't infesting the city? How many slum magicians had killed some unwitting neighbor, watching them preen and knowing Athos and Astrid Dane would never care, so long as they were not challenged as the greatest sorcerers of the land?
Deluded or no, it is those few refusals Astrid grumbled over and insisted he keep an eye on ("If they dare not serve, they must have plans of their own. Look harder, pretty thing, and you'll find the rot they're tangled in.") he seeks when he returns for kingship. Hopes their refusal meant more than a disdain for fancy jewelry. Because Athos and Astrid Dane aren't the worst rulers Makt had, but he will be better by far.
#did you want? 3k of Astrid? Probably not#did I plan for "I'll drop a bucket of head-canons to turn into 3k of writing this utterly amoral but oddly compelling woman?#nope. nope I fucking did not. also didn't plan for the side characters that apparently make up Athos and Astrid's court in my head now#but here we fucking are. debuting the project which has obsessed my every free brain cell for the last two weeks#notes on names in here: Albiz is proto-Norse. meaning otherworldly/eerie.#which was perfect from the moment I conceived that first image of her in court#Gudrun is both Norse for battle and secret lore#which again. how could I resist when I realized who she was? This is the result of being obsessed! for months with: but who is the ADSOM#lady in the blue cloak?#Holland Vosijk#Astrid Dane#(because apparently I need a tag for her too now)#Athos Dane#for triggers: can we just go with they're Astrid and Athos they're their own warnings#getting way the fuck too touchy without permission. random dehumanization via refusal of given names#casual discussion of gruesome murder#etc. etc.#Shades of Magic
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I don't care if Tumblr is "dying", I am NOT moving back to Twitter Dot Com.
#sammy rambles#nope sorry can't make me#twitter has given me so many woes on my mental health and not worth the fucking drama#idk how it's STILL up with that fucking muskrat#and it's so dumb cause I've JUST gotten back to using Tumblr and now they're like 'teehee we might die start packing your bags!'#i know nothing's gonna happen and we're freaking out over nothing but GOD DAMN#it's just so funny to me
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i keep trying to want to play starfield but the main plot has so profoundly failed to convince me to buy into it. and im not a guy who needs a lot of convincing.
#skyrim: dragons are back and they will kill people if you dont do something!#me: got it. i care about this plot. that is a clear danger.#fallout 4: the world ended and your baby was kidnapped! go find him!!#me: yes absolutely. that is something i can easily imagine my character as motivated to do. i want to protect this baby.#starfield: euuuuugh uh. you touched a rock and saw stars. fly across the galaxy and join this group of explorers now.#me: w. why?? it isnt like im suffering any ill effects from touching the rock so they cant help me. i dont care abt exploring the universe#i havent been GIVEN a reason to care. theres no stakes. im just being told to do something. fallout 3 had the same issue.#except at least in fallout 3 its your fake dad and i can imagine my character caring about him.#in starfield it is literally just being told what to do and being given no reason for doing it. and this is supposed to be a game#about exploration. yet the player isnt given any autonomy or anything.#its not even like barrett is like 'i have to stay here can you please go TELL constellation about this rock'#its. nope you have to join them and do what they say. why? fuck you.#i want to like it i really do but. god.#carly.txt
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I love the fact that I can work as hard as I can manage with a broken tooth and a dying tooth (one on each side, I've been chewing on the cavity for a year) and I still cannot save even $10 towards getting dental treatment (2 impacted wisdom teeth, + tooth broken off under the gum, + bad cavity) because I barely make enough to cover my food and board and the insane energy bill
#I'm just ranting don't mind me it's fine I am continuing to exist as usual I may delete this later bc it's a bit of a bummer to read#I prefer to keep my blogging to fun or otherwise nonserious content because it's supposed to be for decompression no real world drama here#I got into a 3 hour body language study and earned $50 so I spent that as fun money on a couple games during the Steam sale just to#take a break from the constant cycle of getting paid and then immediately saying goodbye to all but about 15 cents#(well it was 1 game Slime Rancher 2 and then 2 expansion packs one for Planet Zoo and another for Cities Skylines long play hours mileage)#I've tried to budget to buy small things like a fan or a toothbrush maybe (mine is 8yrs old and doesn't charge sometimes) but NOPE#let alone stashing away over $2000 for the amount of treatment I need given tooth extractions are $200-$500 each#I use about $50 of groceries a week ($30 USD) sometimes up to $80 if I need to buy some extra toiletries or bonuses like ham/falafel/bread#our last quarterly power bill was $1900 FOR NO REASON even for a winter one#olessan oration#the work I have is HIT/mturk type work which pays amazingly well and I am so grateful because I can't work in a traditional environment due#my inability to sleep/wake on anyone else's schedule and need for engaging work but it also means each worker is basically a contract worke#picking their own hours which is VERY HARD to stick to for me since I may also have ADHD-i but that diagnosis also costs like $2000 in Aus#so I'm doing my best fucking lmao#I have a set minimum hours I want to keep up to and move to full time but I am so exhausted by the constant background noise of#the tooth problems that I burn out very quickly#like the tooth ache isn't that bad#the tooth is actively dying but the pain isn't unbearable it just shits me off at all times#it's bearable most of the time and doesn't affect my sleep unless the temp is cold or something#it's been bad this week tho so I've gone through almost all my ibuprofen managing it#the tooth that broke off broke off earlier in the year and the gum has mostly healed over and the dead root is concealed inside my gums now#that stopped being painful in mid 2021 but when it died it was pretty bad it did stop me sleeping for a couple weeks#Christmas 2021 involved me contemplating ripping the tooth out myself lmao#the nerve eventually died seemingly without an abscess#unless I DID have an abscess but that seems extremely unlikely because abscesses are SEVERE AND HORRIBLE AND LIFE THREATENING#sometimes I can feel the tooth ligament wiggling on its own or I like flex it by accident it's so weird bc the tooth is gone so#the ligament is still holding onto the root but with way less weight#anyway I am eating my mac n cheese n veg with the side that has the missing tooth because the cavity tooth has a big bruise along the gumli#gumline which may be from overzealous brushing (I fill the tooth will temporarily filling putty and it needs to be cleaned well when the#putty falls out)
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