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Even if It's Just Pretend, by nontoxic
“The queen wants to show that the prince and the First Son are still deeply in love and committed to their countries.” Ellen swallows. “They want you to go on a tour of the Commonwealth together, to get the public to see those emails not as a sex scandal, but an invasion of privacy of a wholesome, loving relationship.” “It was an invasion of privacy,” Alex says. He swallows. “Did they say what would happen if we say no?” Ellen’s lips pinch tightly at the corners. “Then they will issue a full denial and Henry will tour the commonwealth himself.” Alex doesn't hesitate. “Tell them we’ll do it. I’m not gonna let him do this alone." It would kill him. Henry hates this shit. The public parading, the judgment. Having to do all of that, and deny who he is? Alex at least wants to be there, to hold his hand through it. Even if it's just as a friend. It might kill Alex to pretend, but that’s a small price to pay to ensure Henry—his beautiful, vibrant, funny-as-hell, brilliant ex-not-quite-boyfriend—isn’t killed instead. --- or, the alex-never-goes-to-kensington-after-the-lake-house, exes-to-fake-dating-to-lovers fic.
56k | complete | read on ao3
#red white and royal blue#rwrb#rwrb fic#rwrb fanfic#firstprince#firstprince fic#alex x henry#eiijp#nontoxic writes
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Would that there was a faithful, accurate adaptation of Dracula so that Jonathan Decker and Alan Seawright could discuss the nontoxic masculinity, healthy friendships, and the BEST MARRIAGE RELATIONSHIP IN FICTIONAL HISTORY but nooo!
#every time they're like 'tell us your favorite movie couples in the comments' I'm just like I wish I could Jono I wish I could#*all* of the men openly cry in this novel#and despite the filter through Seward’s narration it is not actually looked down on#Seward makes comments about manhood and what not but clearly does not think any less of Arthur or Van Helsing or Harker for showing emotion#i know everyone on here is all about the poly thing#and idk how serious that is or if its just for fun or whatever#and it's tumblr so to each their own#but personally the platonic love in this book is so beautiful and refreshing!#healthy loving friendships are so rare in media and it's an important part of nontoxic masculinity too tbh#the fact that the suitor squad all love and support each other and do anything to help Lucy without ever getting jealous or entitled#and don't get me started on how wonderful and amazing Jonathan and Mina are bc I will never stop!#i love this book so much#it's 127 years old why is it better at this stuff than most modern media?#and why can't any of the adaptations get it right?#like it's one thing to be disappointing and inaccurate but it objectively dismantles the themes!#dracula#writing#cinema therapy#jonamina#suitor squad#mina harker#jonathan harker
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I started watching Kimi ni Todoke again, so I can catch up before starting the new season. I'm only like 17 minutes into the first episode and I'm already crying over how wholesome and sweet they are to each other.
Best romance ever! I don't ever want to hear that romance needs contrived drama and toxicity to be interesting. All I need is two people getting to know each other, and being nice to each other the whole time.
#not everyone likes mean romances full of red flags#not that there's anything wrong with enjoying that kind of story#some of us genuinely love nontoxic romance#it's me I am she#I want nice romances where they are sweet and support each other#there's drama in the journey and growth and self discovery#I get genuinely excited over sweet gestures and consent and support#I have a consent kink#kimi ni todoke#from me to you#anime#anime romance#i love them so much#more quiet romances like this please#it feels like they're so few and far between and difficult to find#I hope the fic I'm writing feels as sweet as this#teenage romance#high school crush#healthy relationships#shoujo anime#gentle romance#they're both so genuine#I can't stand how cute they are#first love#update: I thought this gif was from later in the series because they both have such heavy bedroom eyes here#nope it's from episode 3#they both so down bad from the very beginning#blushes not bullies
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hi i must know more about #3, alex tormenting henry on tiktok
HELLO HELLO <3 <3
oh YESSSSSS this is a doc currently titled "forehead kisses" and i DO have words for this! it will be cute and fluffy and fun
this is alex doing a tiktok challenge where you ask someone to smell your shirt and then hit them with a forehead kiss bait-and-switch. and alex pulls this on his roommate henry. multiple times. and the comments are so fucking funny
here's a snip for youuuuu:
Alex sees the video pop up in his feed one day, a little brain worm that won't escape after he views fifteen seconds of a popular trend going around. In the video, a guy goes up to his friends, asks them to smell his shirt, then hits them with a forehead kiss bait-and-switch when they lean in. The comments are all a mix of jokes about his friends falling in love on the spot, the tenderness of physical intimacy, or just dudes being bros. Alex can't stop fucking thinking about it. He doesn't really have that many friends to pull this off with, but he does have a roommate who is supremely TikTok challenged and definitely doesn't know about this trend. And who better to give a little kiss on the forehead to than Henry? Is it an excuse to kiss Henry? Maybe. Is it a good idea to kiss your roommate, who you have a debilitating crush on, as a joke? Maybe not. Is it smart to broadcast said kiss on the Internet for people to scrutinize and criticize? Definitely not. Is Alex going to film it over the next week and do it anyway? Absofuckinglutely.
some comments include:
@cha-melodius
@bigassbowlingballhead @captainjunglegym @violetbaudelaire-quagmire
thank you :)
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I've noticed a really troubling trend in masculinity discourse recently which views the peak of nontoxic masculinity as being totally unreliant on others. It's coming from a harm-reduction place, as is pretty much always the case. The thought process seems to be: 1) Incel shit comes from men feeling entitled to status and possessing women 2) Incels are dangerous 3) To decrease that the number of incels and the corresponding danger, we should push for the concept of the ideal man as one being unconcerned with status and possessing women. An island unto himself, satisfied and confident. Independent from both the pressures of a full-blown systemic-ass issue and the natural internal desires to be accepted and admired by others.
And like...something can be a good short term plan without being a good long term plan, you know? There can be side effects.
Like, I'm gonna make a post at some point about how I feel like the causes of the Nice Guy tm tire fire were radically misunderstood, considering I feel like we're on the precipice of another crisis in exactly the same mold, but apart from that I'm also just kind of frustrated that the process of organizing against patriarchal masculinity is suddenly bogged down by a bunch of folks trying to get me to adopt a stoic/zen philosophy as a necessary facet of my gender identity, and naturally assuming that my distaste for that can't be because I've spent a decade unpacking this as a queer man and I disagree with their tactics, and must just be that I haven't seen Barbie yet.
Ultimately, I don't feel like the root of modern toxic masculinity is entitlement. I feel that it's American-style Hyperindividualism. Its the erosion of the supportive community that naturally acts in opposition to the narrative sold by masculine competitive hierarchies. Its the belief that individual men must force their will upon the world or else be starved out because higher status men have hoarded everything for themselves. It's the belief that women are the scorecard and trophy in a contest between men, yes, but also fundamentally that absent some semblance of performance within that contest, men will be abandoned, mocked, and ostracized by both women and their larger community. The patriarchal dividend in that toxic system is not just power and sex, it's a sort of gated community within which all right to inherent human worth for men is contained, entrance into which must be earned through defeating others also desperately trying to get in.
Given all of that, to me the antidote isn't more individualism. It's less. Its community. It's love. It's not about men realizing that they don't need other people, it's about men realizing that they will still be loved and accepted within their communities without the need to dominate and overpower. That they do not need to become a patriarch to be seen, to have worth and a home and acceptance and support and community. That the idea that those things are gated behind power and wealth and the ability to do violence isn't just untrue, but the opposite of what is the case.
Toxic Masculinity is a systemic issue. Seeing people uncritically and wholeheartedly telling me that it should be conquered by intentionally atomizing men into self-reliant islands of personal choice is also not just untrue, but the opposite of what I think is the case. But it's...easy. It doesn't require the community to negotiate a new understanding under which they can embrace and love men who take up the responsibilities of being part of--not in charge of-- that community. It allows men deeply invested in a self-appraisal of their value as being rooted in not asking for help and in hierarchical superiority over other men to simply do that even harder, with largely the same rubric, but a new rationale. It leaves no room for male weakness, for mens needs, because, frankly, we are socialized to punish those and we do not want to change.
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more swans??? 👀
LOL A LITTLE DIFFERENT FROM THE LAST SWAN FIC WHICH I KNOW YOU LOVED. This one is Swan Princess AU my beloved. Alex as Derek, Henry as Odette, Mary as Rothbart obviously. Pez as Jean-Bob, I said what I said.
Titled As sure as the dawn brings the sunrise because of who I am as a person, and is probably the media AU that will most closely follow the media I'm basing it on lmao. At least that's the plan, but we all know how that generally works for me.
I wrote a little snippet especially for you xoxo
There’s Arthur and Catherine, of course; they always come together, even though it must mean leaving their own kingdom in the hands of their advisors for the summer. Philip probably relishes the opportunity to play pseudo-king, Alex thinks uncharitably, though Bea isn’t here either—having spent plenty of summers avoiding Henry in favour of playing her at chess or poker, Alex is absolutely convinced she can handle Philip if he starts getting too big for his boots. There’s no sign of Henry, though. Just the man standing in between Arthur and Catherine, almost as tall as Arthur, with high cheekbones and bright, beautiful eyes. His broad shoulders taper off to a narrow waist, both highlighted by the trim fit of his shirt that’s been left unlaced at the throat, and he looks so familiar, almost as if— No. No. There’s no fucking way that Henry—gangly, awkward Henry, with spots and a terrible haircut and who had to look up at the inch or so difference between his height and Alex’s—and this man, who looks as though he was formed by the hand of God personally, are the same person. Right?
[Ask me about my badly summarised WIPs!]
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kurt and karofsky late s3 nonexistent friendship cuz its all in my head 😭 IT EATS IN BETTER!GLEE I SWEARRRRR
#like the hospital scene was actually kinda sweet when he’s thinking about his future yk 😭 IDK GUYS#I JUST WISH HE DIDNT FALL OFF THE FACE OF THE EARTH UNTIL S6.. LIKE BY THAT TIME IT WAS A JUMPSCARE WHEN HE SHOWED UP ERMM#dave except his character actually develops…. glee if they had character development like… ever………….#the porcelainvino community has forgiven FANON karofsky. maybe..#i feel i remember him like every 6 months and then it goes away and now it’s back maybe#i’m not a kurtofsky shipper 😭 just what if karofsky was surrounded by nontoxic queer people hmm#better!glee#b!g kurt#b!g extras#trust and believe i will probably forget about him and never write him a storyline oops 😍#porcelainposting
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my toxic trait is that every time someone in a major city map chat starts spam asking "anyone have a full home" i desperately want to say "sorry, but my home is empty ever since...
the accident."
#my nontoxic safe to ingest trait is that i dooooont do it i dooooont do it ^_^#no matter how much i'm :burning: about wanting to say something so so silly#gif#silly little guys who dont say anything are the bravest soldiers known to mankind can you write that down please
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Chapters: 32/? Fandom: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses, Persona 3, Persona Series Rating: Mature Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Edelgard von Hresvelg/My Unit | Byleth, Kirijo Mitsuru/Takeba Yukari, Edelgard & SEES, Edelgard von Hresvelg & Seiros, Edelgard von Hresvelg/Kirijo Mitsuru/Takeba Yukari, My Unit | Byleth/Hasegawa Saori, Edelgard von Hresvelg/Hasegawa Saori, Byleth & Ken Characters: Edelgard von Hresvelg, My Unit | Byleth, SEES | Specialized Extracurricular Execution Squad, Seiros, Sothis (Fire Emblem), Kirijo Mitsuru, Iori Junpei, Takeba Yukari, Sanada Akihiko, Labrys (Persona Series), Amada Ken, Hasegawa Saori, Aragaki Shinjiro Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Wildcard Edelgard, Female My Unit | Byleth, Trans Kirijo Mitsuru, Byleth as Aigis, Sothis takes the place of Pharos, Ambiguously Isekai'd, Canon-Typical Violence, Canon-Typical Mental Health Issues, Crossover, Edelgard starts out understandably Scrongled, Android!Byleth, POV Edelgard von Hresvelg, Trauma, Friendship & Camaraderie, SEES is not very straight, Scars, Edelgard von Hresvelg Needs a Hug, Edelgard is kind of hardcore, Fluff and Angst, Drama, Canon-Typical Drama, Hurt/Comfort, Character Death, God I Love Saori, Non-explicit Eye Trauma, Trans My Unit | Byleth, Trans Mitsuru my beloved, Strega is more dangerous, Found Family, Kind of Existential at points, Autistic My Unit | Byleth, PTSD Series: Part 1 of FE3H/P3 Protagonist Swap, Part 16 of Esper's FE3H Fics Summary:
With a little help from their friends, Edelgard and Labrys break free of their weakness.
#edelgard von hresvelg#FE3H#Persona 3#byleth eisner#yukamitsu#edeleth#wlw#nontoxic yuri#(edible)#(just like glue)#crossover#fanfic#my words#my writing#To Give Them The Future#Wildcard Edelgard#wildgard#labis time :)#my work
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In Plain Sight You Hid, by nontoxic
Miguel's hand is back, slipping over and around his knee so his fingertips brush the soft skin inside his thigh and Alex feels himself getting hard in his trunks. See, asshole? Some people think I'm so charming they even want to fuck me. Alex can't stop his whiskey-loosened thoughts from imagining the meeting with Henry going that way, instead, imagines Henry's piercing blue eyes looking at him with an entirely different kind of heat blazing in them, imagines the same challenge and intent written plainly on Miguel’s face playing across Henry’s, blue eyes searing into his. And then Miguel leans in, and Alex lets him, reveling in the way the attention feeds his buzz and makes him lightheaded. Besides, kissing is fun. Even if it's with smarmy reporters who aren’t great at it. -- aka Alex falling in love with Henry while Miguel lurks in the background. (or, the author has a headcanon that "we once made out on the campaign, drunk, fully naked, in a hot tub" happened in Rio because someone was frustrated over being rejected, and it turned into 11k of loverboy ACD)
11k | complete | read on ao3
#rwrb fic#rwrb fanfic#red white and royal blue#firstprince#firstprince fic#alex x henry#ipsyh#nontoxic writes
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the funniest thing about this post getting notes is i literally tagged it as ‘the queer experience is not a monolith’ then the notes are full of people commenting like ‘yeah weird barbie is for the lesbians and stereotypical barbie is for the aroaces!!’
meanwhile my friend and i are literally both bi
plagued by thoughts of barbie and queerness
specifically after my friend and i went to see it and were discussing it and i brought up the obvious queer coding she said ‘oh yeah weird barbie’ and i went ‘oh. no? stereotypical barbie??’
and when we unpacked it further i realised that she’d seen weird barbie as inherently queer bc of the way she’d been ostracised and called names that she made her own in time and could never fit in with the other barbies because of who she was and how she looked? and i saw stereotypical barbie as queer because of her lack of attraction to the people she was meant to be attracted to, liking them but never able to do so in the way they liked her. of being expected to act and be certain ways because of how she looked and the life she lived but not really wanting those things
honestly i don’t really have a point with this it’s just been ceaselessly rattling around in my lil brain
#i’m also ace but i’m bi first and foremost#anyway it’s great that queer people can and do relate to whichever barbie/ken/allan resonates with them most#and the way this movie plays with gender roles and expectations is wonderful and has so much inherent queerness#and i think trying to say that any character has to be one thing because of the portrayal reduces it#like obv a lot of nonbinary and transmasc people relate so strongly to allan but i also saw an incredible vid abt how allan represents the#nontoxic masculine ideal and how interesting it is that so many people assume allan has to be queer because he’s soft spoken and not#aggressive towards women like. hm. HM#anyway i wish i were still in college so i could write an essay on the barbie movie and gender and sexuality#young queers this is me formally offering to proofread your essays just lemme read em#i have. So Many Thoughts#barbie#ep
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do you have the 'i switched tasks and forgot about what i was doing before' adhd or the 'i thought of something i should do but i had to finish the current task first, and forgot what i wanted to do in the meantime' adhd
#write things down on your phone babey#or wherever is regularly and consistently perceived. maybe on your hand with nontoxic washable (but not too washable) pen#it's about convenience#flarebean.txt
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It pains me that I'll have to wait a while to write out the Super Mega Hopeless Murder High School Of Hopelessness chapters, because I can't make toxic yuri jokes about a specific dynamic without spoiling the entire thing
#Hayley Writes Triangulum#Don't worry there's also nontoxic yuri#Because I felt bad for what I'm gonna put [redacted] through so she deserves nice things after that
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#19 for arranged marriage redux!!!!
19. What is a favorite line of dialogue so far?
“I thought Windsor valued courtly manners? As your betrothed, surely you should be showering me with compliments as you greet me?”
“As soon as I find something to compliment, I assure you I shall do so.”
[WIP Ask Game]
#wip ask game#ask meme response#wip: arranged marriage redux#nontoxic-writes#I had such high hopes of getting more of this written on the plane lol rip#fic: a practical arrangement
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for @nontoxic-writes and @lilythesilly
THE GUTS WORLD TOUR Tonight is gonna be so much fucking fun. Here's what I want, okay? I want everyone in here, you guys, I want you up out of your seats. I want you to jump! I want you to scream! I want you to sing at the top of your lungs! Can you do that for me, LA?
#olivia rodrigo#guts tour#guts world tour#orodrigoedit#oliviarodrigoedit#gifs#mine#flashing tw#flashing gif#dailyolivia#dailyoliviarodrigo#musicdaily#userpersy#userrjoana#usercharisse#uservivaldi#userlockescoles#userrobin#userkarolina#tuserjen#usercats#tusernath#usertina#larlies#userholtz#userjessica#tusermels#userwintersoldado#userdanahscott#userarrow
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Feral Desires



☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆ .。.:*
A/N; This feels like a crazy jump from my first smut I posted lmfao 🫡 it was also crazy writing this, I haven’t written omegaverse in forever despite it being a favorite
Summary; You’re on a mission for the First Order, well away from your alpha, which means it’s the perfect time for your heat to start out of nowhere.
Content; NSFW 18+, AFAB reader, omegaverse, omega reader, alpha Kylo Ren, mated to Kylo, heats, ruts, nesting, fingering, piv sex, knotting, biting/marking, scent marking, breeding kink, A LOT of breeding kink, protective and possessive Kylo, also very loving Kylo, tiny bit of size difference kink, conservative views on omegas (mostly pertaining to suppressants), omegaverse terms (kids referred to as pups), fluff
Wc; 6.4k
☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆ .。.:*
You thought it would be fine.
It should’ve been fine.
This wasn’t supposed to happen, gods, this was not supposed to happen.
Your heat was not supposed to start a month early right when you leave on a mission.
Everything had seemed okay at first; you gathered your troops after getting your assignment—investigate an uninhabited jungle planet’s surface and find out what the First Order could gleam from it. You had bid farewell to Kylo Ren, the Supreme Leader and also your mate. Through your bond both in the Force and in the bite mark on your neck, you could tell how apprehensive he was to let you go. It had taken some convincing, but he’d allowed it. If he wasn’t swamped in a million other responsibilities that come with his new position, he would’ve joined you.
The trip to the planet had gone without a hitch, and everything had seemed like it was in perfect order. You were the first to step foot on the surface once your ships’ doors had opened with a hiss of depressurized air. It was quite beautiful when you took it all in; covered in lush vegetation and impossibly tall trees covered in moss, a few of which your ships had unfortunately crushed on their way down. Sensors indicated that the air was nontoxic and clean so you had gladly taken a deep breath. Smells came stronger to you with your aberrant status, meaning you could practically taste the planet on your tongue. It was damp and full of the smell of wet leaves and bark, along with the reek of wild animals you didn’t know the names of. Said animals were calling through the trees in chirps and barks. It was quite nice.
Stormtroopers fanned out, beginning to take notes of anything that seemed of importance or interest. You and your lieutenant, a beta named Mallory who’d been by your side for many years, were in charge of placing down beacons and sensors that would give you every piece of data you’d need. It’d tell you what’s beneath the planets surface like ores and minerals and what kind of regeneration systems it had. It’d be a slow process; taking scans of an entire, huge planets surface wasn’t the easiest thing in the world. That’s why you were given a weeks timeline for this mission. Easy enough.
Until you’d gotten a prickling on the back of your neck, until an odd amount of sweat started to build at your collar, until you could barely hold on to your data pad because of how slippery your palms had become. You’d tried to ignore it, tried to ignore those telltale signs because surely your heat wouldn’t be starting now? Surely it wouldn’t have been catapulted forward a month because your body got confused by you leaving your alpha and was doing what it needed to in order to bring him back?
“General? Are you alright?” Mallory asks you.
You realize you’d been standing there looking at your data pad like an idiot while warmth and sweat builds beneath your uniform. You look up and try to blink the haze out of your vision. Suddenly all those smells from before are so overwhelming. “I think I need to go back to the ship.” You mutter. You’re not stupid, you do realize it’d be irresponsible to try and ignore this. Hell, you can’t even get yourself to take a step forward when all you want to do is go back to your ship where the scents are familiar.
Mallory tenses, noticing the flush in your face and the way your demeanor is so off. She may be a beta but she’s still able to recognize the onset of a heat, especially yours after being your lieutenant for so long. That’s why she goes with you everywhere, to keep an eye on you. She’s perfect for times like these. “Okay. Let’s go, quickly.” She says, a gentle hand on your arm guiding you back the way you came.
She says commands through a radio while you walk, instructing the next in charge—a fresh-face captain—to continue the observations so they can at least get something out of this. You feel guilt pierce through your roiling stomach, cursing yourself over and over for not being able to see a very simple mission to completion. It’s embarrassing. It makes you wish you were able to take your damn suppressants again.
You haven’t taken them for about three years, ever since you became mated to Kylo. As soon as that happened, all of your suppressants were tossed and every medic on the Steadfast was strictly forbidden to give you any. If any were discovered, you knew exactly what price they’d have to pay. Before all that, you’d taken them regularly to give you some peace aboard the ship and keep your position as general safe. People were more willing to trust you with things if your omega status was… muted. It was easier to ignore.
The only reason you really got to keep your job was because you were damn good at it and you kept being an omega from getting in the way, so nobody cared. It was simple. Then Kylo came along, discovered you were Force sensitive, began to train you, and you fell for him hard. You ended up becoming his mate, his teeth laying claim to the skin where your neck meets your shoulder, right where your scent gland starts. He bears a similar mark from your own teeth. He was gracious enough to let you remain as a general, even if every primal instinct he has tells him to keep you away from your job because it’s dangerous. All because he knew how upset it’d make you if he took it away, and because you’re actually competent.
However, it puts you in situations like this where you’re trying to fight off an oncoming heat while you’re on an unknown planet in an unknown space and your alpha is a galaxy away from you. You’ve learned that your status as an omega comes before your position as a general.
Mallory gets you back on to your ship that’s specifically assigned to only you two for your own safety. Never before have you been so grateful for that. She heads towards the cockpit immediately, taking her seat in the pilots chair and flipping switches. You slink towards the back of the ship, craving an enclosed space and cold air. Your heat hasn’t hit you full force yet, but you know it’s a matter of hours. You know it’s a matter of hours until your brain is pure incomprehensible mush, until your body is on fire, and until there’s a need inside so deep that it consumes your entire being and only one man can satisfy it.
It always starts out slow, with everything feeling just a bit too sensitive and your temperature rising. Then you feel it in every gland you have, a slight throb to them as your scent changes and pheromone production skyrockets. You get sweaty and those stiff uniforms the First Order requires feel like they’re boiling you alive—hence why you’re removing your jacket now. Next is the nesting, creating your own little safe space where nothing can hurt you and it’s only for you and your alpha.
It’s extremely difficult in a sterile, empty ship. You can feel your omega start to panic as it realizes there’s nothing to nest with besides your own jacket and a thin, scratchy blanket from an emergency kit in the ship. Nothing with Kylo’s scent, nothing to keep your alpha close, nothing safe, it’s not safe, oh gods-
You whine low and sad in the back of your throat as you hopelessly try and try and try to rearrange your two items into something satisfactory in your little corner. It doesn’t work of course. It only serves to send you into more of a frenzy, wishing for anything else, wishing you were back on the Steadfast, back in you and Kylo’s shared rooms where you could make as big a nest as you want with his full closet at your disposal. Comfy sheets, pillows, big capes covered in his scent… thinking about it is not helping.
The ship rumbles to life beneath you and you can feel its vibrations from how your body is pressed against the floor. The cold metal helps to keep the fever raging through you at bay. You’re curled in on yourself, your hands at your neck massaging your aching glands and the bite mark that resides there. It does little to soothe your pain but it’s all you have. You faintly hear Mallory talking, though it’s drowned out by the buzzing in your head. Until a familiar, deep voice crackles through the ships comms and has you sitting up immediately, your attention laser-focused.
“I want her back on the Steadfast immediately.” Kylo says. He sounds angry, livid perhaps. It’s enough to make you feel the need to submit despite the fact he’s not even mad at you. Hearing him does something to your bond akin to reigniting it across the distance between the two of you. It gives you the smallest bit of a connection to cling on to and you wrap yourself in it, enjoying it while it lasts. You can feel his emotions, his need for you like you need him. He’s angry he isn’t there, that he can’t provide for his omega like a good alpha should. He��s irrationally scared too—scared that something might happen to you, that some other alpha might try to get to you. He’s like a ticking time bomb, ready to go off on anyone he deems fit.
“Yes, sir, I understand.” Mallory says. She looks over at one of the monitors, pressing a few controls on the screen. “Based on what fuel remains and if I avoid active fuel preservation, it should take about five standard hours to reach your coordinates.”
Five hours. By the time you reach the Steadfast, you’ll be well intro the throes of your heat, accelerated by the fact Kylo isn’t there to help you. You haven’t had a heat without your mate for a long time and your body is not happy about it. A wave of depression and anxiety washes over you, your fingers digging into the blanket and threatening to rip it.
Kylo can sense that, sense how panicked and upset you are and it only makes his rage grow. He knows he can’t do anything about the length of your return trip and it makes him feel useless, like a sorry excuse of an alpha. You almost feel bad for the staff back on the Steadfast. “If anything happens to her, I’ll have your fucking neck.” He snaps, voice crackling through the comms.
Mallory takes the threat with neutrality. It’s nothing new to her. “Yes, sir. You have my word that I’ll keep her safe.”
Kylo calls your name suddenly and it has you stumbling to your feet and towards the radio. You grasp at the back of Mallory’s chair to keep you stable. “Alpha?” You ask, voice unable to hide your desperation.
“I’m sorry this happened. It’ll be better soon.” Kylo promises, his tone softening just a bit when he talks with you. “Be good in the meantime.”
You nod even though he can’t see it. “I will, alpha.” You’d do anything he asks.
With that, the radio clicks off and he’s gone. It felt like the only support keeping you upright was just ripped away from you, his presence in your bond fleeing and leaving you with nothing. It made your chest constrict and heat lick down your back, everything seeming to spin. Mallory rises from her chair after putting the ship on autopilot. “Go lay back down. I don’t want you to collapse.” She says. “And take these.” She hands you two bottles of water that were brought along in case of emergencies. You’re going to need them more than anything with how much fluid you lose during your heat. You down one of the bottles immediately.
You obediently take the other back to your “nest”, spending another ten minutes trying to rearrange your blanket and jacket. You eventually just give up and flop down with your knees tucked up to your chest, trying to ignore the ache across the entirety of your body. Your thoughts are still coherent at least, though you can feel them steadily slipping away. Your omega just wants Kylo, wants him more than anything. Wants his scent, his strong arms, his lips on your gland, his knot.
There it is. You whimper, your nails digging into your palms hard enough to draw blood as you feel the first trickle of slick seep into your underwear. Your breath comes out in pants that fog the metal paneling under you, your face feeling like it’s on fire. You writhe on your blanket, distracting yourself with movement and trying to find any kind of position that provides relief. Squeezing your legs together helps a little, putting some pressure on your clit and releasing more slick. You know this pair of underwear is going to be unsalvageable by the time this is over.
You can feel the slick start to stain your pants, creating a wet spot that’ll keep spreading. The ache has moved lower, now settling in your stomach and making you nauseous. Its comes in waves of cramps and hot flashes and gushing slick, creating a combination that feels like actual hell. You know that that’s how it’ll stay with the intensity increasing as the hours pass without your alpha inside you. You wish so badly you could just sleep the time away, close your eyes and open them again to Kylo there to take care of you. But you don’t feel safe enough to fall asleep. Your nest is shit, the ship is too unfamiliar, and you’re right at the beginning of your heat when you’re most vulnerable without your alpha who’s supposed to protect you.
These next five hours are about to be the longest of your life.
» ☆ «
Time passes in a haze.
A haze full of desperation, need, fire raging in your blood, and slick coating your thighs. Your vision is blurred, like a film was put over your eyes. You try to focus on the feeling of the ship underneath you instead of… anything else. The state of being in heat is all you know now, you don’t even remember what it’s like to not be making a drooling mess of yourself over the thought of your alpha’s cock sinking into your aching cunt.
Mallory has been trying to ignore you the whole time for her own sanity; your whines, moans, panting, and the desperate whispers of Kylo’s name passing between your lips. She’s stayed well away in the safety of the cockpit, focusing on just getting you both back to the Steadfast. Even though she’s a beta and has no specific inclinations, she can still feel the headiness in the air, sticking to the back of her neck and making her skin prickle. This isn’t anything particularly new to her, she’s been by your side for years. She knows what it means to be an omega.
That’s why she’s glad when a final jump through lightspeed sends her sensors beeping and the massive hulk that is the Steadfast appears at the top of the viewport. She keeps her hands from shaking by gripping the controls of the ship, guiding it towards home base. She has no reason to be afraid really, Kylo Ren wouldn’t do anything to her without reason after she’s proved to be so faithful, and he’ll be too focused on you anyway. Still, she can’t help the little kernel of fear in her chest as your ship is latched onto by a gravitational beam and power is taken out of her control.
All of the commotion breaks you from your stupor. You prop yourself up weakly on your elbows, your jacket and blanket soaked in slick in a heap under you from all your twisting and turning. Your face is flushed like the rest of your body, your remaining clothes stuck to your skin because of the sweat. From your place on the floor you can just barely see through the viewport, watching as the ship pulls into one of the hangars. You can sense him now. He’s so close. It’s too bad your legs are too weak to support you, otherwise you’d use them to run out of the ship to greet him.
You feel the ship shake as it settles on the ground and you hear the sounds of it powering down. Mallory rises from her chair to get to the ramp controls, a hiss of depressurized air sounding as it lowers. She steps aside and bows her head as he enters. Finally.
Kylo instantly commands the entire space around him as soon as he comes aboard the ship. It’s like everything else around him fades away because nothing else matters. His black robes do a perfect job of outlining the muscles beneath them, his fractured helmet covering his face and making him look akin to death itself. He locks onto you, you can feel it, and instantly there’s a whine coming out of your throat. Your mate is here, your alpha is here after you had to wait for so long. Your excitement is like a buzzing that encompasses your mind to the point you can’t think about anything else.
And then his scent hits you. It’s musky and heavy, amplified by his rut that was triggered by his omega’s heat. He smells like a campfire in fall, smoky and laced with something like cinnamon. When you inhale it, it’s easy to imagine being in the forests of his home planet with a nice fire to keep you warm. There’s undertones of your own scent mixed in from your mating, creating a nice combination of the two to let anyone know that you belong to one another. His scent instantly becomes the only thing you know and starts your heat all over again, fresh waves of slick pouring from your cunt and cramps seizing your stomach.
Kylo smells it, it slams into him like a freight ship, sending him reeling. He resists every feral instinct in him telling him to pounce on you right then, to pin you down and fuck your heat away, to finally take care of the constant bulge in his pants, knowing that he needs to get you somewhere safe first. Somewhere other alphas won’t be tempted by you, even if you’re mated. His scent on you sometimes isn’t enough to deter the most depraved; his hands clench into fists at the thought, the leather of his gloves creaking.
“Alpha… please..” you whimper, reaching your arms out towards him, needing so badly just to feel him, to touch him. You can barely think straight, the only thing in your head being him, him, him. He can’t deny you anything. The metal panels beneath his boots thunder with the power of his steps, it makes you quiver. Alpha is so strong, so capable.
“I know. I’m here now.” He says as he scoops you easily into his arms, voice crackling through the modifier in his helmet. It sends pleasant shivers down your spine. You can hear how ragged his breathing is, can feel it when his chest is pressed against your cheek. You cling to his padded tunic, the material familiar and comforting beneath your fingers. You become surrounded by his scent and it brings some relief to the pain you’ve been feeling, putting your omega at ease with your alpha finally with you.
You shrink yourself as much as possible in his hold as he walks down the ramp of the ship, your face buried against his arm. There’s a spike of anxiety in your chest once the bright lights and all the different smells of the Steadfast reach you; the sharp metal tang, the hints of sterile cleaning products, and then the sweat and musk of every aberrant in that hangar. It’s overwhelming when you’re fresh into your heat, but Kylo is quick to soothe you. His body produces more of his own scent to mask everything else, pheromones changing ever so slightly to have a more calming effect on you. He’s still not entirely used to the way everything about him is so tailored to you and only you even after all this time, but he loves the pride he feels when he successfully gets you to relax.
All of the workers within the hangar stay well away from Kylo. Nobody is stupid enough to approach the Supreme Leader and his mate with the state you’re in. It would only end up getting their heads detached from their shoulders. He’s given a wide berth while walking through the halls of the ship, taking whatever shortcuts he can to reach your shared rooms faster. Everything feels so hot, your breath coming out in pants and your clothes so unbearable because of the way they’ve been drenched in your fluids. You’re whimpering in his arms, sounding so sad and pathetic as your fingers knead into his chest. “I know,” he says again, softer this time, “I’ll make it better.”
There’s the beep of a control panel as Kylo gets the hydraulic doors to your rooms open, bringing you inside and letting them bang shut behind him. You’re greeted with fresh, cold air against your burning skin and comforting familiarity—your safe space. Kylo goes to set you down and you nearly wail at the thought of losing contact, not able to bear it after being without him for too long. “Just one second, I promise.” He tells you, laying a large hand against your cheek, the leather warm from the heat of his palms. You listen to your alpha like the good omega you are, standing there squeezing your legs together while he removes his helmet. His beauty always manages to enrapture you. His sharp features and pale skin dotted with freckles, the black waves of his hair that fall around his face. There’s a slight flush to his cheeks, his pupils blown wide with desire. He carelessly puts his helmet aside.
Then he’s on you. His lips press against yours, hot and needy and wet, his hands coming up to grasp each side of your face. You can’t help but moan into his mouth, your arousal spiking even higher from the urgency in his kiss. You’re surprised you can even produce more slick with how much you’re already covered in but you feel another wave of it drip down your thighs anyway. His tongue licks against your teeth, exploring your mouth that you’ve willingly opened for him.
His hands are heavy weights on your hips. He moves them down to cup your ass, then lifting you easily so your legs are wrapped around his middle. His raging erection presses slightly against your aching cunt and you gasp sharply as a shiver shoots up your spine, causing you to break from your kiss. You can’t help but try to grind down on it, creating a wet spot on his pants from your slick. He groans against you, trying not to drop you from the stimulation.
He’s quick to bring you into the bedroom, kissing you with more fervor. You manage a glance backwards and see just what Kylo’s done to your shared bed. You both barely make it to the haphazard nest he’d made for you in his own desperation, his mind wanting to protect a mate that wasn’t even there and driving himself insane over it. It’s full of dark blankets, pillows, and just about every article of clothing from his closet—soft tunics, capes, undershirts—piled onto the bed so it’s positively drenched in his scent. It’s absolutely heavenly as you fall back into it, surrounded entirely by your alpha. Kylo follows after you, shedding his clothes as he goes and merely adding them onto the nest, the scent of them fresh and potent.
“All for you,” he breathes against you, sticking his face into the crook of your neck, “everything is for you.” He inhales against your gland, tongue darting out to lick sensually at it. You squirm beneath him, moaning openly as your swollen, red gland is finally given attention. His bare hands slip beneath your white tank, pulling it up and over your body, the cold air making your nipples perk up instantly. Your pants and underwear are next to come off and you squeak when your slick becomes chilly against your skin.
“Fuck,” Kylo groans, “smell so good.”
“Alpha,” you whine, wrapping your arms across his wide shoulders to bring him closer, “alpha please…”
The ache and pain you feel is starting to become too much. You need him, you need him to fuck you, to pump you full of his cum and plug you up with his knot. Just the thought of it is enough to make your legs quiver and for your cunt to flutter. He knows exactly what you’re thinking of and he feels the need in himself just as much. He needs to take care of his omega, to make sure you won’t want for anything, and guarantee that you become swollen with his pups. A growl rumbles in his chest, his cock jumping at the idea.
His hand that was on your hip moves lower and he doesn’t hesitate to sink two fingers into your heat. They meet no resistance, sliding in and out with complete ease from the way your body has been preparing yourself for this for the last five hours. You throw your head back, mouth falling open at the relief you feel from finally having something fill you, cunt clenching in appreciation. The sounds your body makes are disgusting, copious amounts of slick being sloshed around by Kylo’s fingers. It’s wet and depraved and nasty and you’re enjoying every moment of it. He uses his thumb against your clit, rubbing back and forth and nearly making you scream. That combined with his mouth altering between the glands on either side of your neck makes it very easy for you to cum. Your body seizes, muscles constricting as pleasure wracks your body.
You can feel part of that fire within you finally die down, but it’s still not enough. There’s still an ache nestled deep inside you that his fingers can’t help with. “Please! Alpha, please, more..” you cry, grabbing at his arm to try and pull him up, to make him give you what you want so badly. You need his cock, the thing red and begging for attention, standing tall against his abdomen and dribbling precum.
His fingers withdraw from the warmth of your cunt and it makes you wince and whimper at the loss, your legs immediately trying to close and rub together in an attempt to get some friction. “What a desperate thing you are.” Kylo mutters, bringing his soaked fingers to his mouth and running his tongue along them to gather your slick. You’ve seen him do this countless times but it still has your face blushing furiously. He hums his delight. “Delicious, as always.”
He gets his hand under your back, scooping you up and flipping you onto your stomach. He tugs you towards him harshly, repositioning you like a doll so your ass is in the air, your face pressed against the materials of the nest. Kylo’s scent overwhelms your nostrils, heady and aroused. A mixture of slick and cum oozes from you, dripping down the lips of your cunt and your clit and onto the bed below. You wiggle your lower half, trying to entice him. “Please… need you..” you say, voice muffled by the pillow you’re currently hiding your face in.
Kylo’s hands run from your breasts, down your sides, and settle on your hips, the rough texture of his callouses making you shiver. “My beautiful mate.” He whispers, enthralled by your body as his eyes trace over it. The head of his cock prods at your entrance and you suck in your breath. You nearly sob as he sinks to the hilt inside your cunt not even a second after, your nails digging into the blankets below you from how full you feel. Kylo stretches you to your limit, getting so deep into you it’s like you can feel him in your stomach. He sighs in relief, his massive body bending over yours so his forehead rests against your shoulder. His chest is so warm against your back, his big muscled arms braced on either side of you. You’re basically caged in and pinned down, completely at his mercy. You couldn’t be happier. Your omega keens at the attention, at your alpha displaying his complete dominance over you.
His first thrust is bliss—sliding out of you almost entirely before slamming back in, his pelvis pressed sharply against your ass. He does it again, and again, getting steadily faster with each one until he’s built up a steady rhythm that has your entire being shaking with the power of it beneath him. Your mouth hangs open, drool falling from your lips, your eyes rolling back into your head. His grunts and groans and rumbles fill your ears, your own moans rising to meet them. He presses his lips against the gland that bears your bite mark, breathing you in again and moaning. “My mate, my mate,” he says reverently along your skin, “fuck- m’gonna fill you so good. You’ll give me pups, won’t you? You’ll make me a strong heir.”
“Yes! Yes, anything!” You wail. To your heat addled mind, nothing sounds better. Nothing sounds better than him filling you so full of his cum that there’s no way you don’t get pregnant. You want him so deep that he gets directly to your womb. You want to satisfy your alpha, you want to show him how obedient you are. Yes, you’ll do whatever he wants.
“My good girl.” Kylo praises, sucking your gland into his mouth and making you scream from the pleasure. It’s so shockingly intimate, warmth blooming in your chest and spreading along your body. He’s always been obsessed with your glands, even before you were mated. Your scent brings him so much comfort, such a feeling of home that he can’t stay away. He has his nose buried in the crook of your neck whenever he can and he it turns him on when he’s able to get his tongue on them. Your scent sticks to the roof of his mouth, it becomes the only thing he knows, the only thing he can taste. He fucking loves it.
“So good, sweetheart.” He gasps, sweat dripping from the ends of his hair. He watches where his cock disappears into your cunt, entranced. “Needed to fuck you so bad..”
If your brain wasn’t pure mush right now, you’d agree with him. But you can’t think with the way his cock is splitting you open, each thrust piercing your cunt and hitting that spot right at the top that seems impossible to reach without him. It makes it feel like lightning is igniting your blood, your vision flashing white. You didn’t realize how hard you were gripping the blankets until his large hand perfectly eclipses yours, his fingers slipping between your own so you hold on to him instead.
You hear his growl by your ear as his thrusts become more erratic, knowing he’s getting close. His free hand reaches under you to your clit, fingers playing with it roughly. He’s going to make sure you go along with him. You jerk from the added stimulation bordering on overstimulation from the constant pounding of his cock and the sensitivity from you already cumming once. Your moans get louder and louder, punctuated by each thrust he gives you, breaking in the middle and becoming more high pitched than usual. Your breath is pushed from your lungs, the pillow beneath you is soaked in drool.
“Mmn, shit-“ Kylo groans. He sounds drunk when he talks, his words slurred by his rut and pleasure. “Gonna give you pups. M’gonna knot you, you’ll be so good. My perfect mate.”
Yes, yes that sounds like everything you could ever want. “Please, please! Please alpha I need you-“ you beg, finally finding some semblance of your voice. “I need your knot!”
Kylo grunts his acknowledgment, his thrusts picking up the pace as he teeters on the edge. Then you feel it. Swelling begins at the base of his cock, steadily getting bigger. His movements are forced to slow along with it, becoming more and more restricted as his knot grows. Just as you feel like he’s stretched you to the brink, he lowers his head and sinks his teeth into your bonding mark. You scream. You scream so loud you wouldn’t be surprised if someone walking by outside your rooms heard you. Your vision is pure white, you feel like you can’t breathe, and you feel such a deep connection to Kylo in that moment that it pushes you over the edge. You cum harshly around his cock and his knot, cunt spasming. He cums at that same moment, hot ropes of his seed coating your walls white and his knot plugging your hole to keep it all in.
Neither of you move for a good minute because quite frankly, you’re not able to. The aftershocks are enough to keep you frozen, simply panting and trying to catch your breath. Your entire body is buzzing with pleasure and it feels like you’re floating in the clouds. Kylo is the one to come-to first, getting his arms under you to flip you both on your sides so that he’s spooning you, chest pressed firmly against your back and his big body practically engulfing you. The movement jostles his knot and makes more cum spurt from his cock and it sounds like he chokes on his breath.
He sighs, kissing the back of your neck before shifting his attention to your bond mark. Kylo’s tongue runs over it soothingly, almost like an apology for biting you. He just felt the primal need in him to refresh the mark, to let anyone else know that you belong to him. With the way you’re absolutely covered head to toe in his scent, you think everyone across the galaxy will know. “You okay?” He murmurs once he’s satisfied.
You nod, even though it feels like too much work. “Mhm.” You’re exhausted. Your heat was completely fucked out of you… for now at least. You know it’ll come back in an hour or two, ready for the same thing all over again. At least your alpha will be with you this time.
“You did so good, sweetheart.” Kylo says, his voice so full of love and adoration for you. He kisses along your jaw to the back of your ear. “My sweet omega.” You love his praise, you love the moments after when he’s so soft and gentle with you. It makes you feel so safe and happy, like you have everything you could ever ask for. And you do, really, because he’s so willing to get you anything, to provide you with everything.
He’s quiet for a moment before kissing your gland again. You can tell something was bothering him. “Never should’ve let you go on that mission.” He mutters, anger biting at his tone. “I should’ve known it was too close.”
“It’s okay. I didn’t expect it either.” You say, taking his hand that had been wrapped around your waist into your own. “It’s fine now.”
“I could feel when you were going into heat,” he continues, burying his face in your neck to remind himself that you’re here, “I could feel it and I wasn’t there… it drove me fucking insane. I needed to get to you.”
You can only imagine how it affected him, sensing you across the galaxy and being so incapable of helping you at all. You get glimpses of those past emotions through your bond; how angry he was, how agitated and scared. He’s far more attuned to the Force than you are, so it was much easier for him to connect to you than it was for you to connect to him. He had to just stand back while you suffered.
“Kylo, it’s okay.” You murmur again, bringing the back of his hand to your lips to break him from his thoughts. “I’m here now. You took care of me so well. You built such a good nest.”
That seems to calm him down. “I did? I just threw what I could on to the bed.”
You nod. “It’s far better than what I had in that ship.” You nuzzle into the soft materials. “Good for pups.” Just the mention has his cock throbbing inside you and pushing out more cum, as if making sure that that actually happens. You both groan.
Once he’s done, you sigh contentedly and look around. “Though… maybe just a few things could be fixed.” You say, reaching out to fix said things as you do. They’d been bothering that primal part of you that enjoys the nesting for a while. A pillow was just a bit out of a place, a blanket wasn’t fluffed up enough by just a tad, and one of his capes was just slightly askew. It makes you feel kind of crazy, but it puts your mind at ease. The whole thing has Kylo chuckling.
He brushes hair back from your face. “You should rest while you can.” He orders. “You’ll need it.”
You’re already starting to feel drowsy again, so you can’t even argue. The low, rumbling purr that’s started in Kylo’s chest adds to it. It’s such a soothing sound—just like a cat’s purr, instantly making your body relax against him. You can feel the vibrations from it reverberated in your back. You curl up as best you can in his hold with his knot still in you, his strong arms secure around your middle. There’s no need for a blanket because Kylo keeps you plenty warm—he’s like your own personal heater.
Laying there in your big, comfy nest with your alpha holding you close and his scent all around you, with your heat finally satiated… it’s so, so easy to fall asleep.
#the nesting is always my fav part sorry#I loooove bein comfy#I’ve been stuck on this one for over a week IM FINALLY FREE#omegaverse#omegaverse x reader#omegaverse fic#omega reader#star wars#star wars fanfic#star wars x reader#alpha Kylo ren#alpha Kylo#alpha Kylo ren x reader#kylo ren#kylo#kylo fanfic#kylo ren fanfic#kylo ren x reader#kylo x reader#kylo x you#Kylo ren fluff#Kylo ren smut
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