#nongraphic

[monstyra]

since april 2023 a dear loved one has been struggling with severe burn out and depression, since may 2023 they started actively making attempts on their own life. despite our efforts, despite the professional care and love and encouragement and the sacrifice and hard won hope and fuck there was so much love it just wasnt enough

we put all of our last year and eight months into helping them and it still wasnt enough

they were wonderful and smart and a vibrant presence in my life and illl forever deeply love them. even if it hurts theyve found the peace they needed.

[silverskye13]

From an unlikely place redemption has come

It's apparently "doodle weird niche symbolic art of your own shitty fic" hours.

[lingeringmirth]

Steddie Holiday Drabbles 2024 - Day 2

I'm way behind on these, but I'm trying, 'kay?

Written for day 2. fireplace of @steddieholidaydrabbles December prompts.

rated: t | tags: omegaverse, omega steve, alpha eddie, childbirth (not-graphic), fluff and a smidge of angst, steve has bad parents, steddie (obvs) | cw: childbirth, implied child abuse

Also on my AO3.

A fireplace is the heart of a home. It’s a place to gather around, cook and seek warmth. The last is the reason for the two of them to be near enough to the roaring fire as they dare, the rest of their current abode being decidedly chilly and warmth being of the essence.

This isn’t the place where they’d planned to do this, but it is fitting, bringing it all full circle.

Steve groans as the pain ebbs, knowing his respite will be short before another wave comes.

”You’re doing so well,” Eddie assures him, his calming scent enveloping Steve, telling him that his alpha is there for him, is so proud of him. Eddie’s smoky undertone mixes in with the calming fir-fire scent and Steve has to fight a bit to not sink into it and lose focus.

”I don’t know that I am.”

After all this time, part of him still believes it, that he will fail in this,the warped lessons of his parents neglect and abuse having left deep, lasting scars. He wants to prove them wrong, but he’s just so tired and overwhelmed and hurting. He lies against Eddie’s chest, leaning onto him, bracing for what’s so come.

Before too long, Steve can feel the pain of another contraction building and knows that his respite is over.

Eddie presses a kiss right on Steve’s mating bite, one he had given lovingly and with care, committing to Steve. ”You are, sweetheart.”

It’s the same thing he’d said when they’d last been here during Steve’s heat when, even as he’d begged Eddie to breed him and essentially been off his head with lust and hormones, Steve had still cried that he would fail in giving his mate the pup they both wanted.

They shouldn’t be here for this, but in a hospital or at home with Steve having the comfort of their nest. But Eddie had decided to bring Steve here for a bit of peace and quiet after the chaos of Christmas and before the pup came. Then a snowstorm had trapped them in the cabin and the stress had made Steve go into early labor.

It isn’t what either of them had planned, but that’s what they get for going with Steve being so close to his due-date, even if it is two weeks away still.

Well, had been, because their pup is intent on coming early and fast, Steve can feel them coming, being on the brink of parenthood is both exiting and utterly terrifying.

”Eddie…”

His alpha, his mate, braces him again as the wind howls outside, the world white and icy and the pain comes, Steve’s cry rivaling the wind.

Eddie’s been right all along, because Steve could do it.

“I’ll love you forever,” he tells his newborn pup, weeping at the release of hormones all around him, Eddie’s love wrapping him in the best of hugs.

The fire beside them warms the cabin, they are parents and everything’s absolutely perfect.

[elfieafterdark]

CW: religious trauma, disturbing topics, doomsday cult.

Harrowhark's had a hard life.

But that's not really a surprise, being born into a death cult. Her parents, convinced that the world was going to end. Convinced that they needed to cleanse themselves of sin before it happened.

She was indoctrinated from the moment she was born. Taught to be virtuous, no sin crossed her young mind, she prayed for the end to come gently for her and the compound.

She believed.

But she was different, sometimes had a hard time understanding things. Certain foods grossed her out and she didn't want to eat them.

She got very good at hiding that. Getting rid of food when no one was looking. Drinks too. It was the smells, and textures that set her off.

That habit saved her life when she was ten. When Father woke her up, told her that the end had come. Sat her down and gave her a drink.

It smelled wrong, later in life she would know the sensation. Ick was activated. So she dumped it when no one would notice.

And, hours later.

The police found her, they found little ten year old Harrowhark, sitting there in her robe, surrounded by bodies.

Harrow's had a hard life.

[68chan]

Every time an editor has a hard to read theme without any form of accessibility an angel looses its wings

[houndfaker]

tw for cannibalism implications. nana has to do something terrible for one of her sisters

[meraki24601]

Pulling Punches

Day 5 of Whumptober! The prompt this time was pinned down.

-----------*-***-*-----------

Hero refused to pass out. Not in front of Villain. It didn’t matter they had been injured in a fight with New Villain the day before. Villain would kill everyone if they didn’t stop them. It was all a game to Villain. If Hero went down, they’d kill them just for fun. They couldn’t pass out. They wouldn’t pass out.

“You’re pulling your punches, Hero. Why don’t you fight me?” Villain must have been itching for a fight. It had been nearly three weeks since they last attacked. They hadn’t even paused to threaten Hero before throwing a punch as Hero stepped out of the grocery store. 

They were fighting with all the strength they had. Other Villain had thrown them down on a pile of rebar. They had been stabbed in the back multiple times, and one completely impaled their stomach. Fortunately, Other Villain thought it had been enough to do Hero in and left. They had lost a lot of blood once they crawled back to Medic for a healing session, but they were still alive. Medic had been able to partially heal their wounds enough for Hero to be able to move through the pain.

An especially quick jab landed a hit where the rebar had punched through Hero’s body. The shock sent Hero down to their knees. “You’re a fool, Villain. I would never risk the lives of civilians like that. Come on. Let’s go!”

Hero’s skull slammed into the concrete below them. Villain’s hand completely engulfed Hero’s face as they pressed down. “You’re right. You never give anything but 100% in our fights. What are you hiding?”

Throwing their leg over Villain’s shoulder, Hero flipped themself and their enemy over, forcing Villain to release their face. Without breaking momentum, Villain continued rolling, pulling Hero over and under them. They grabbed Hero by the wrists, slamming them to the ground above Hero’s head, and pressed their knee into Hero’s stomach. 

All strength left Hero’s body as their wound reopened. The only thing they could hear was the sound of their own scream echoing off the surrounding buildings. Darkness caved in before their vision slowly cleared enough to reveal Villain’s furious face inches from their own. “You’re injured. Show me.” 

Hero tugged their hands free. “Don’t get distracted.” They took a haphazard swipe at Villain, who easily caught Hero’s wrists in just one of their hands and pushed them back where they were before. 

Villain’s free hand reached out of Hero’s sight. “Show me your wounds, Hero. Show me the scars someone else left on your body. I need to know how much they need to suffer before I kill them. 

For a brief moment, Hero saw the glint of a knife. The blade descended on them without any other warning. Their shirt crumpled to the ground beneath them, and Hero was exposed. The white bandages wrapped around their stomach in tight, neat coils were now stained with blood. They couldn’t hide from the heat of Villain’s glare.

“I don’t blame you for fighting someone else. I knew you would when I chose you as my rival. Your morals wouldn’t let you walk away from someone in danger or doing wrong.” Instead of unwrapping the bandages, Villain took the knife to them and cut them away. Their hand was surprisingly gentle and careful not to cut the skin beneath. “However, I cannot express my rage that someone would injure you enough to prevent you from fighting me.”

Hero moaned as Villain pulled the bandage away from the wound. “Why would you care? Just take the opportunity and kill me.”

Villain sighed, “It’s not fun if you can’t fight back. This is an exit wound, is it not? Show me the rest.”

When Hero opened their eyes, they had been flipped over and held tightly in Villain’s lap. 

“Welcome back.” Villain was finishing wrapping them in new bandages, “This was the work of Other Villain, wasn’t it? They’re the only ones foolish enough to do something like this. Add that to the rumors of Other Villain causing trouble yesterday, and it just makes sense. They should be grateful they didn’t kill you. If you had died at their hand, well, let’s say they should be grateful for the punishment they’re getting instead.”

Darkness fell again as Villain shifted Hero into their arms. “That’s it. Rest now, Hero. Medic did well with what they had. I’ll take care of the rest.”

[monstyra]

it really doesnt feel adequate for how grateful i am but thank you so much everyone for your kind words and support💖it really means the world to me

honestly thank you so much

an update on hows it going for those interested:

its ofc difficult over here and we miss them so much but we re getting help prepping for everything. we ve got support and are supporting each other and that ll be enough.

fuck i miss them so much and i wonder how long itll be to get to stop being like 'hey it wont be raining too hard later maybe we can go for a walk-- oh'

its hard not to question and ease regrets... not second guess everything and wonder what possibly we could have done better even if we did the best with what we had. the worst though is my brain conjuring up what it must have been like before they passed. i know they felt loved but i hope they felt is especially then.

i love them so much and we have so many wonderful memories together, even after this all started they still had many actual good days where we were able to chase the depression away and go out for bike rides or hikes. ill cherish those memories always 💖

[squarebracketsmileyface]

The gender exploration fic officially has a name now :D

It's gonna be "My Girl, My Girl, My Girl (You Will Be)" because Tim's Girl, Jay Will/could Be (eventually, they're working towards it slowly 💀) or just MGx3 (cos MG times 3 lol) for short because that's a bit of a long name and I really can't be bothered to write it out a bunch of times all the time but yay :D

I'm planning out the plot outline and chapters at the moment, which is going vaguely well, tho I'm trying to keep some kinda storyline behind it as well as it just showing what Tim and Jay get up to in their free time through August to December (cough cough their sex life through that time period). Figuring out how to keep the MH side of the story rolling is a bit tricky, because looking at the actual, irl entries, not a lot actually happens in those four months 💀

Like, Tim and Jay fight over that tape and stop working together. Jay tries to attack Tim in his home and gets ziptied. Tim goes to Benedict hall and hoody helps Jay escape. Jay goes to Benedict hall. And then it's entry 80 and Jay's dying.

Like. So little happens across all the entries uploaded, but I don't want to give them much less time and just have it that the entries were uploaded really spaced apart after the events in them happened all at once, because I wanna write a whole bunch of smut for them lol. I gotta give Jam an excuse to not just go straight to Benedict hall pretty much immediately, because like, currently? What's stopping them? Literally nothing. They could go there halfway through August and still be as well prepared for it as they were in actual MH.

They probably did go earlier than the entries were posted in irl MH didn't they lol. But I need them to have those four months to be all happy couple together, I need itttttttttttt. I also need them to have those four months so Tim can learn a bit about IIAB and knock some sense into Jay's dumb little "woe is me I am nothing but the victim" brain and set him on the road to realising that what he did was very not okay even if he genuinely thought he was in the right/doing that Alex wanted him to do even at the sacrifice of his own comfort.

COS THAT'S A THING TOO, so much of Jay's pushiness and all that in IIAB came from a place of him genuinely thinking he was doing something for Alex rather than subjecting him to it.

It feels like such a fine balance to make sure Jay isn't irredeemable. He's not malicious with anything, he's just scared of losing people by not giving them what they want, and scared of not knowing what to do to not lose someone new.

Was it stupid for him to try the choking thing with Tim when the first time he tried it caused the breakdown of his and Alex's fwb relationship? Yes. It was so fucking stupid. But Jay was scared and hey either it was going to be fine, or it'd drive Tim away rather than letting him be the one to leave and Jay was still rather in the mindset of thinking Tim would leave him at some point and he couldn't stand the thought of that. It'd be much less painful if he drove Tim away.

He still kinda thinks that honestly.

Doing that kinda thing to get what he wanted from Alex had worked and been 'fine' every time up until Jay actually put himself in harms way with it. So like, he didn't exactly put two and two together while he was freaking out a bit with Tim.

Also with how it went with Alex that last time, Jay was still vehemently ignoring that he was even somewhat at fault for that fwb relationship ending. Sure he knew he'd done something wrong, but he refused to figure out exactly what and actually think about what that meant for himself. Alex never told him what he did so it was a lot easier to blame Alex and hate him rather than actually look at himself and his actions. It was also easier to think of it more as Amy taking Alex away from him, or poisoning Alex against him than to think that he was actually the reason for Alex finally telling him to fuck off.

No one wants to think they've done that. No one wants to think maybe they pushed for something someone doesn't want to do a little too hard, and really really hurt that person who they care about deeply.

Then there's the whole thing that a lot of what Jay did in uni, he also wasn't super comfy with? He was just so completely convinced it was what Alex wanted because of all their previous interactions. Then he got it so in his head that when Alex said he *didn't* Jay just couldn't wrap his head around it and assumed Alex was making *himself* uncomfy in order to try and cater to Jay's crush on him, and Jay much preferred being uncomfortable himself than making Alex uncomfortable.

And that's what he saw it as. He saw it as him sacrificing his own comfort for Alex's a lot of the time. Like, yes. He enjoyed the rougher sex and all that and they had a lot of times that I haven't actually specifically written where they just had fun with it and enjoyed it a hell of a lot. Most of their uni relationship wasn't bad. Most of their uni relationship was just kinda fine. Not great, neither of them were completely happy with it, but it wasn't the level of toxic that it could be all the time.

[olivia-anderson-fanfic]

Dancing 'til the break of dawn - Pt4

<Pt3

(TWST zombie apocalypse au for all your crack-fic needs)

Deuce frowned at Ace. He did this a lot, but this time it was targeted. Ace was wearing socks, and they were tracking blood everywhere. It was pretty gross. No one likes wet socks, and bloody ones must be even worse. He should really change.

Of course, if either of them were sane they would be wearing shoes, it is the apocalypse and there is who knows what all over the ground, but fine, it was their funeral, Yuu supposes.

Either way, the barefoot Deuce was very annoyed by the bloodied floors.

“Dude, the floor is dirty enough without your bullsh –... help,” Deuce said.

Yuu wasn’t sure how to feel about this brewing argument. It was – probably – better than the ‘cannibalism is bad and here is why you should care’ vs ‘fuck you’ one that usually took place. But, really, he would prefer that they would both just stop fighting in general.

“Don’t be a fucking cop,” groaned Ace.

Deuce’s eyes lit up. “You think I’m like a cop?”

“That’s not a compliment.”

“Well, anything you think is bad is probably good,” Deuce sniffed.

Yuu had to give it to him, he had a point.

“Just take off your socks,” said Deuce.

“No. You should put on socks.”

“Yuu, do you want to weigh in on this?” Deuce asked.

While Yuu could appreciate the self-awareness Deuce was displaying by admitting that the argument was going nowhere, he absolutely did not want to be the tiebreaker. He hates being the tiebreaker.

“Yuu wears shoes in bed like a fucking psychopath, do you really want his opinion?”

Hey! His opinion was going to be so correct, but now they won’t hear it because they were mean.

Yuu huffed. “Sorry for being prepared in the case of an emergency.”

“Prepared to run, you mean?” Ace said.

He threw his hands up in frustration. “I’m sorry I’m not down to commit murder! But fine, ask Grim or something.”

“Grim is a cat! He can’t speak! And, even if he could, he can’t wear socks!”

Oooooh… Yuu desperately wanted to get Grim some little socks. Or maybe some booties. That would be so cute. But what color goes with dark green? Blue, maybe? He picked up Grim and hugged him to his chest, mulling over the possibilities.

“Damn. We’ve lost him,” said Ace.

Yuu’s mood could not be ruined. He is going to find the cutest little outfit for his darling baby –.

But, it turns out that his mood absolutely could be ruined.

The bell above the door rang, jolting them out of their conversation rather abruptly. And then it kept ringing, as if the person who had accidentally tripped the wire had decided that they really liked the bell sound and were now purposefully kicking the line over and over again.

There was a sigh (A woman! They still exist!), and the sound suddenly stopped, replaced by loud, stomping footsteps as the person was, seemingly, dragged away from the device.

“... door is broken, but there’s still so much stuff here?” a deep voice said.

Ace sent Yuu a glare that Yuu was conveniently looking the other way for.

“There’s probably a zombie or two somewhere nearby,” the woman answered. “Or some really territorial survivors, judging by the bell.”

“But it wasn’t claimed in any way.”

“It might be abandoned, or they could be dead, but… we should be careful.”

They were talking pretty loudly for people trying to be careful, but sure.

The ‘really territorial survivors’ exchanged glances. These people sounded old (like, at least twenty or so, they were basically on their deathbeds), and even if their little group of four outnumbered them, the adults would likely have the advantage, seeing as they were fully comfortable in their bodies, where Deuce tended to stub his toe on every other thing because he wasn’t yet used to his height (another thing that would be solved if he wore shoes).

Which meant… leaving was the best option.

Of course, because it was the best option, Yuu was sure that it wasn’t going to happen. Ace needed this place in order to lure in fellow survivors. Which meant that they were stuck defending it.

Ugh. What a pain.

Okay, so if they were going to stay and fight, what should they do?

Ace pointed at Grim.

Yuu frowned and hugged his cat closer. He had taken advantage of the fact that Grim was a zombie before, for sure, but he tried to reserve that for particularly perilous situations. Grim was tiny, after all, and a good kick would really hurt him – and that wasn’t even taking into consideration that most survivors had weapons.

Ace’s shoulders heaved in a silent sigh, as if he was so very put upon by all of this, and totally wasn’t down to murder these people in cold blood.

Yuu called bullshit. If you’re going to be a murderer, at least be honest about it.

He didn’t argue it, though. Not really because he was mature and willing to let things lay, he just didn’t want to alert the intruders to the fact that they were there.

After a particularly long and complicated game of charades, they split up into groups of two. Ace took Grim, and Deuce took Yuu. No one was particularly happy about these matchups – admittedly, there weren’t many matchups that would end with anyone being happy – but they were what they were going with.

So, Yuu waved to his darling baby as Grim and Ace snuck away.

Deuce heaved a silent sigh and grabbed him by the wrist, dragging him off towards the man, whose head was peeking above the aisle, which thankfully made him pretty easy to locate.

Right before they could get to the man’s aisle, Yuu grabbed a can of soda and looped around to the other side.

He let the can roll into the man’s aisle, and then pretended to stumble-walk after it, whispering curses. He caught it, starting to straighten back up, only to ‘flinch’ when his eyes finally landed on the stranger.

The stranger didn’t look immediately malicious, but his loose grip on his knife did tighten. He smiled at Yuu, but there was a slightly condescending edge to it. “Didn’t know there were still teenagers.”

Deuce tiptoed behind the man. It took everything in Yuu not to look at him.

Yuu rubbed the back of his neck, smiling nervously. “Yeah, uh, this is kinda. My store? So. Leave? Please?”

The man chuckled, which was not the greatest of signs.

“Let me stock up on some stuff first, then I’ll be out of your hair.”

Deuce readied his bat.

Yuu sighed. “Well. I tried.”

The man looked, understandably, confused, but he didn’t get much time to think about it.

The woman screamed, and the man’s head jerked over. Deuce took the moment of distraction to hit him in the arm. The man’s knife slipped from his hand, and Yuu was quick to kick it out of reach.

Now, if there had been anyone up there who liked Yuu, the two adults would realize they were outnumbered and leave. But there wasn’t, and the man immediately turned to tackle Deuce.

Yuu watched, numbly, as the bat clattered to the ground and started to roll away.

The man’s hands locked around Deuce’s throat.

He glanced behind himself, towards the door.

Deuce scrabbled at his neck, trying to loosen the stranger’s grip, to no avail.

Yuu grabbed the bat –.

~

Ace rounded the corner, clutching his arm. “Does anyone else need bandages –?”

He stopped still upon catching sight of the group. Deuce was curled into a tight ball, struggling to catch his breath.

The man wasn’t waking up. Yuu recalled that people are not supposed to stay unconscious for more than a few seconds, and that anything longer than that was a bad sign. His fingers ached where they gripped Deuce’s bat.

Ace’s lips twisted in a complicated expression.

He sighed and pulled out his knife, toying with it, looking awkward and unsure.

“Looks like we need more bandages than I thou – fuck!”

The knife slipped out of his hand, and found an unfortunate place in the man’s chest. Ace groaned, as if he found the blood that spurted over his already bloody knife incredibly inconvenient, and then tugged it right back out.

“Ah, that’s a fatal wound if I’ve ever seen one,” Ace said, mulling over the stab wound. He huffed. And then shrugged overexaggeratedly and slit the guy’s throat. “Oh well. Guess we’ve got a couple of big meals ahead of us, Yuu. Looks like you’re going to have to try out some new recipes, ‘cause we’re going to get sick of that one spice.”

Yuu looked up at Ace for a minute.

He managed a smile. “Haven’t you heard that beggars can’t be choosers?”

“Well, then, it’s a good thing I’m not begging. I’ve been thinking recently, you’re pretty good at bringing out the umami in what I give you, but maybe it could be cool to do something more spicy for once?”

“... I’ll see what I can do.”

Ace whooped and grabbed Deuce by the shoulder, dragging him up to stand. “C’mon, Deuce, celebrate with me! We are eating good tonight! The lady’s bag was full of supplies! I think I even saw a few vegetables in there!”

God, the Yuu from a year ago would be disgusted to learn he was getting excited over vegetables of all things. What had the apocalypse made him become?

Deuce, who had finally relearned breathing (good for him), snapped out of the contemplative look he had been sending Ace, in favor of a halfhearted grin.

“Fine, fine, but you can’t eat the eyes in front of me again, that’s gross.”

Ace huffed. “I’d say I was going to make a point to eat them tonight but, unfortunately, all of the eyes were destroyed, so I’ll have to wait for the next kill…”

Yuu’s nose scrunched. “I still don’t get how you can eat the eyes… wait, is it like eating crawfish eyes?”

Deuce and Ace paused, briefly.

Deuce’s nose scrunched up. “You eat crawfish eyes?”

“Yeah, they’re the best part,” Yuu defended himself, scowling. “Juicy, flavorful, all the good stuff.”

“No, that’s just gross,” Ace said.

“Oh, you shut up. You eat humans. You don’t get a say in this.”

“Eh, but you eat crawfish eyes, I think that’s weirder,” Deuce said.

Yuu crossed his arms over his chest. “I’m going to make the new spice so hot you’re both going to die immediately.”

Ace and Deuce laughed.

Until they watched Yuu empty an entire jar of cayenne onto a piece of meat later that night.

~

“Hey, did you guys move the lady’s body?” Ace called from somewhere in the store. “She’s not here anymore and I know she didn’t survive, so it’s not like she could have just up and walked… away… wait, where’s Grim?”

Yuu snickered. “Grim doesn’t like me being around women in particular, for some reason.”

“Why?” whined Ace, upset that he had gone to all that work and gotten nothing for it. He rounded the corner, located Yuu, and immediately started clinging to his side like a limpet, longing for comfort that Yuu just Would Not Give.

“I don’t know, actually,” said Yuu, frowning thoughtfully. He’d always thought that it was weird. It would have made more sense for Grim to prefer Yuu making friends with women – that might lead to a renewable food source – but instead he just… really hated them. “Maybe zombies are misogynists.”

Deuce raised his eyebrows. “What does Grim have to do with zombies?”

Ace and Yuu were silent for a moment. Yuu had honestly forgotten about that little subplot. Ace caught his gaze, a clear question in his eyes. Yuu couldn’t really bring himself to do more than shrug. Ace looked back at Deuce, trying to figure out whether his new friend was just joking.

But, no, Deuce was exceedingly earnest.

Ace snorted into his hand.

~~~~~~~~~

Pt5>

[gnarled-garden]

Spiky

Silly guy just wants to cuddle

[3-2-whump]

When you practice your expressions (crying, for instance), and you manage to make something really sad 🥺

[noblest-roman-of-them-all]

Body Horror and Nightmare

In the aftermath of Revenge, Remus has a nightmare that forces him to confront his own trauma and fears.

Remus rolled down the corridor, eager to greet the returning crew, and Janus most of all.

"Hey!" He greeted cheerfully. "How'd-" The words died in his throat, a somber air hung heavily about. He glanced at each grief stricken face and his heart began to pound. "Where's Janus."

"Re-"

"Where is he?" Remus snapped cutting off his twin.

"I'm sorry," Thomas croaked, clearly fighting back tears.

"Sorry?" Remus shook his head, refusing to acknowledge the implication. "What you- Where is he?" He demanded.

Thomas reached out and dropped a ring in Remus’s palm.

"No."

"We tried-"

"No!"

"We couldn't-"

"No! What is this? Some kind of a sick prank? Where is he? Janus!" He tried pushing past Thomas, but he grabbed his wheelchair.

"He's gone," Thomas said, tears rolling down his cheeks. "I'm sorry."

"He's not!" Remus objected thickly. "He can't be."

"Remus-"

"Don't touch me!" He snapped and Roman jumped back. "Tell me where he is!"

"He's dead," Logan said flatly, his eyes hollow and sad. "We buried him so he couldnt be turned."

Remus shook his head. "No."

"He's dead, Remus."

He broke then, dropping his head into his hands and wailing loudly. He ripped at his hair and beat his head, the emotion of it all too much physically bear. He screamed and sobbed, sure his chest was going to explode.

Someone was stroking his arm, trying to soothe him, telling it was okay, that he was safe, but none of that mattered.

None of it mattered without Janus.

"I'm right here, darling," a voice whispered.

Remus froze, gasping for air, looking around at the sad and confused faces that watched him breakdown.

"Wake up, sweetheart."

Remus snapped awake, bolting up right, and felt a clammy hand rest agains his arm. "It's okay," Janus soothed and stroked his arm. "It's okay, I'm right here."

Remus let out a breath and pushed his hair back. He turned to kiss his beloved, to hold him close, and be able to feel his breath and heartbeat against him to know he was truly alive.

He was met with Janus’s decomposing visage.

Remus screamed and threw himself out of the bed, hitting the floor hard, he scrambled away as quickly as he could, as the mosnter that once was Janus rushed toward him, joints moving incorrectly, cracking loudly, skin slipping from his body as he moved.

"Are you okay?" He asked in faux concern that might have been convincing if Remus couldn't see the feral hunger in his once beautiful eyes and the eager twitching in his mouth.

Remus screamed for help as he struggled to get himself up onto his foot, trying to using the wall to keep himself balanced.

"I'm right here, darling," No Longer Janus replied, his voice sickly sweet and his breath rancid. "I've got you now." His fingers dug into Remus's arm with surprising strength, the bones of one tearing right through Janus’s finger and puncturing Remus's arm as he jerked him off the floor. Janus wrapped an arm around him to keep him upright as he had done when he was alive.

"Let's lie back down."

Remus struggled, but couldn't keep his ground without his crutches or prosthetic as he was dragged away from the door and his only means of escape.

Janus pushed into the bed and, before Remus could recover, pinned his arms over his head. Remus writhed as Not Janus pressed his face into his neck, nipping and kissing him across his neck, skin tearing from Janus's face from the friction.

Remus arched his back, sobbing and trying weakly to get away, begging and pleading for Janus to stop, to let him go.

"Let you go?" Janus murmured in his ear, his rotting face nearly flush against Remus’s. "No, my love, I'm just getting started with you." He pressed his whole body onto Remus’s, moaning in pleasure as he thrust his hips forward against Remus, and he screamed in the hopelessness of it all. It was happening again and he was just as helpless as he was before. Just as weak.

Remus gave up then. Laying there, frozen in terrified resignation, sobbing as his once partner continued rubbing against his body and kissing his face and neck, murmuring foul smelling "I love you"s against his face. Wetness smeared across his cheek, but if it was blood or salavia, Remus wasn't sure, nor did he want to know.

"It's just a dream, honey."

"What?" Remus asked, his voice quiet and timid, as he finally dared to look up his love.

Janus stared down at him, his nose missing, torn from his face in his rampage against Remus and flesh barely hanging on the muscle and bone bellow, with a soft expression. "It's just a dream," he whispered.

Remus jolted awake with a terrified gasp, ripping his arm away from whomever was in the dark and fell from the bed as he scrambled for a light.

A lantern flared to life and Remus shrieked, scrambling to get away from the figure that rushed at him.

Janus froze. "Remus?"

Remus snapped to the voice and flopped onto his back with a releaved sob to see Janus, his Janus, alive and worried, holding the light.

Janus rushed forward, but hesitated to touch Remus. "It's okay," he tried to soothe. "You're safe, honey."

They both jumped when the door burst in. Roman ran to his twin and scooped Remus off the floor.

"What happened?" Emile asked.

Janus shook his head. "He was having a nightmare and fell out bed when he woke up and panicked. It was like he was scared of me. He screamed when I went to help him up."

Emile rubbed Janus’s back. "I think he was just scared and disoriented," he tried to encourage as Janus wiped his cheeks. "I don't think he was actually afraid of you."

Remus slowly calmed as Roman rocked him side to side.

"Are you okay?" Roman finally asked and Remus nodded into the crook of his neck. Roman released some of the grip he had on him and Remus sat back and reached for Janus, who eagerly met him in a hug.

"I love you," Remus mumbled, breathing in the familiar scent of his alive Janus.

"I'm so sorry I scared you," Janus answered.

"It wasnt real. It was just a bad dream," Remus muttered. "Just a dream."

Janus nodded. "Thats all. Just a dream."

"I don't wanna go back to sleep."

"You don't have to, darling. I can stay up with you. We don't have to sleep. I'll do whatever you need."

"Just hold me. Just dont let me go."

---

Remus laid with his head in the middle of Janus’s chest, gratefully listening to the rythmic thrum of his heart, and taking slow breathes that matched his beloved's.

He blinked slowly as Janus massaged his head. "I love you," he murmured.

"I love you too. Do you want to talk about it at all?"

Remus let out a shaky breath. "You died," he croaked. "You died and I wasn't even there. They told me when they came back from scouting. Said they'd buried you to keep you from turning. I just...lost it. Had a complete meltdown, then I heard you telling me that you were there, that we both safe and I woke up. Or. Thought I woke up. I woke up in bed and when I turned to look at you so I could know, so I could see you, you'd been turned. I screamed and tried to get out, but I fell, and I didn't have my crutches or my chair or anything, so it was easy for it to get ahold of me. It threw me on the bed and started kissing me, felt like it was licking my neck. I tried pulling arms free, but froze up when it started grinding on me. It was the same thing Liam did to me and I just...gave up. I tried asking it to stop a few times. He'd just moan louder and push harder against me. I just laid there and cried till I heard you tell me it was all a dream and...you were there for the rest of it."

Janus gaped for a moment and shook his head. "That's horrifying!" He cried softly. "God, no wonder you tried to run from me when you woke up! Honey,-"

"It's okay," Remus cut in. He swallowed and took a deep breath. "I know you wouldn't really hurt me."

Janus sighed and stroked his hair. "I wouldn't be offended if you did need some time."

Remus shook his head and hugged Janus tightly. "Honestly, I was more scared of you being dead. Yeah, the other thing was scary because it actually happened to me. But that's kinda how trauma dreams are, y'know? I know you'd never really do that to me. Hell, you wouldn't even let me do that to myself. You've told me to stop when you could tell I was uncomfortable. I know you're not gonna actually do anything to me. But you can die on me. And that scares me a lot more."

Janus sighed, his heart aching for his love. "I love you." It was all he knew to say. It wasn't enough, it wasn't everything he wanted to express, but it was hard to find the right words. Hard to express concern for his beloved without revealing his own feelings of guilt and perhaps even hurt over the nightmare.

He was overwhelmingly grateful and oddly touched that despite the traumatic nature of the dream Remus still trusted him enough to want to sleep near him, that he wasn't afraid of Janus despite how easy it might be for him to overpower him and do any number of horrible things to him.

He also felt sick at being forced to realize what Remus had been through. It hadn't been a secret per se, he'd known Remus had been through some abuse, had been jumpy about touch at one point, he'd even had a panic attack once when they were making out at the start of their relationship.

But he'd never known Remus to just...give up. And the idea that he had been through something that would cause enough terror to simply...give up made his stomach churn.

And worst of all, it seemed to bother him the least of all the things. Like he didn't realize, didn't see it for all it was.

"I'm okay, Jan," Remus said softly, as if he had known what was racing through his mind. "I know I'm safe with you."

"You should have been safe before," Janus answered.

"Yeah, that would've been nice. But I'm safe now. That's a lot more important to me at the moment."

[bivproject]

To love is to consume, though mourning lies in the last bite

[it-one-line-at-a-time]

"I swear, Bill."

[meraki24601]

Angels and Demons Part 2

Part 1

-----------*-***-*-----------

Onyx put up a decent fight. He tugged against my vines, hand reaching for his fallen blade. His eyes flicked around the room, torn between keeping an eye on me, checking on his sister, and watching for danger entering from the hallway.

I allowed the mild sedative in the thorns covering the vines to release. Onyx made a choking noise, which I assumed meant it was taking effect. His hands went limp, but his glare didn’t falter. The Angel’s chest heaved, and small sounds of protest bounced off my back as I moved back to the child’s side. 

“Let’s get this stake out, alright? I’m sorry, but this one might hurt more than the other.” I said, shifting the pinned girl to rest more comfortably on the table.

“He didn’t mean to hurt you,” The girl whispered, “He was just trying to protect me. Please, don’t kill him.”

Hopefully, my smile was comforting as I moved to look the hybrid experiment in the eye. “I know. Don’t worry. I’ll help you both escape this hell hole as long as he behaves. Now, lie still.”

The child trembled, “Can I hold his hand? I’m scared.”

It wasn’t an unreasonable request. My tail held the girl in place while I knelt beside her brother. The drugged Angel shivered as I ran my hands over his chest, careful to avoid the scabbed-over wounds covering the skin. Every blade but one was missing. Even the one he had attacked me with had turned to dust as his strength abandoned him. “Your sister needs you. Fight, and you die. Better yet, I know what it means for an Angel to lose their heart rib. Behave.”

I kept my vines wrapped around Onyx’s throat but loosened them to allow the Angel to rise. “Stay on your knees. Crawl. Try not to move too much, or those wounds will reopen.”

The Angel growled, “Don’t touch me. You’re not going to lay a hand on my sister.” His body shook as he forced himself to his knees and made to stand on his feet.

“I said, on your knees.” I placed my hand on the back of his head and pushed down until his forehead touched the floor. “Will you hold your sister’s hand while I free her, or will you let her suffer alone?”

Onyx was growing weaker by the second. I wrapped another of my vines around his chest to support him as he crawled on hands and knees to his sister’s side. His face twisted into a shallow imitation of a smile as he took his sister’s hand in his own, “Hey there, Dara. Looks like those horns are healing well. You ready to get out of here?”

The stake was larger this time, pushed deeper into the table below. Footsteps rang in the hallway, drawn in by Dara’s screams. The girl lost consciousness the moment the end of the stake left her wing. 

With a dull sob, Onyx bent over the side of the table and threw up. It was all stomach acid. Who knew when his last meal had been. He would have collapsed into the mess had it not been for my vines. “Don’t. Stop.” Onyx whispered as he joined his sister in unconsciousness.

“Emery!” Three of my top soldiers burst into the room. “We heard screams. Are you…” 

Inari, my second hand, tightened his grip on the stolen gun in his hand. “Angels.” The word burned the air like a curse as his vines reached for the child.

“Inari!” I cried, wrapping his vines in my hand and taking the poison without flinching. “These two are under my protection. Move on. Toyin, Akachi, please carry this one to the transport. I’ve got the girl. If he wakes up, use your vines to put him under. Have we taken the building?”

Nodding with his head bowed, Inari stepped back out of the room. “All of the survivors have been removed, and the humans eliminated.”

“Good.” I pulled the girl into my arms and dodged as her tail struck at my face. “Spread the word. Burn it down.”

I left for the transport without another word. Inari’s gleeful giggles and the crackle of a growing fire accompanied the sounds of Onyx’s feet dragging along the floor. Our sister settlement had been avenged.