#none of the ones ive tried anyway!
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
oyasleepy · 11 months ago
Text
i miss deviantart so so so so so fucking bad rn
#oyaspeaky#like . i dont miss the niche drama stuff#but i DO miss being able to generally easily sell designs n comms & the ability to just... Be Around other artists#without having to fucking hunt for them constantly on every new social media i join .#i miss passing around the same $30 between a circle of like 5 artists comming each other...#before it went to shit deviantart was probably the most comfortable ive ever been on a “social media” type site#and tbh! while there r many alternatives trying to fill the void! none of em hit right for me ):#none of the ones ive tried anyway!#it's not worth trying to go back now though bc the site itself scrapes everything posted for ai (unless u opt out. ig)#and theres tons of people just posting ai “adoptables.” with the site's . Built In ai feature. <3#love that. thanks#being an Artist on Social Media outside of deviantart feels a lot more . like . pressured?#it feels more like even hobbyists get treated as Content Machines and not . like. someone just drawing bc they want to...#idk! im rambling . i just have a lot of thoughts abt it... i miss what deviantart used to be#even though i met some of the worst ppl ive ever met over there. i also met some of the most important ppl in my life#thats just how itd be on any site ever i think.........#the real bottom line here is i have got to get more comfortable posting abt ocs in public i feel like a shaken bottle of soda#<- thats related. i promise . im just very tired and im not gonna explain the mental link . haha byebye#if u read all of this . i give u a BEEG forehead kiss. thank u
1 note · View note
shadyhouse · 1 month ago
Text
making a new post bc the other one is pretty bulky, im about to be severely overdrafted when i pay my rent in a few days and i really really really cant let that happen :( pls if you have anything to spare i'd appreciate it, im in the process of finding a new job because my current one refuses to give me hours. im transmasc and i dont have a car so finding a job has been difficult but im doing everything i can to make ends meet. even just spreading this around helps
pp: paypal.me/bewearrr
vnm: tobias_leviathan
thank you 🥺💕
90/450
34 notes · View notes
anxiously-sidequesting · 1 year ago
Text
The only reason why I don't post about Penny Dreadful every single day 3 times a day is because the last time I interacted with her was her pre-update quest where she was so desperate to get into ravenwood or pass a test that she was willing to give us a living breathing creature as a pet for compensation and that stuck with me for years. But the point is I don't remember a lot of her and I haven't seen her post-update content yet. And this is a Huge Sin on my part and I apologize because Penny Dreadful is the Best Good Woman in Ravenwood and I'm Right about this actually sorry.
52 notes · View notes
bookworm-2692 · 2 years ago
Photo
Tumblr media
After the absolute carnage and chaos of Session 3 and 4, I desperately wanted to see a graph of everyone’s life left compared to each other, and this is the result of that. I will include close ups of each session below the cut, as well as screenshots of the full (colour-coded!!) data. Updates: Session 5, Session 6, Session 7, Session 8.
Note that I’m using the times that everyone should have based on their kills and deaths, and not what was actually shown (since I know Tango was accidentally given 1.5 hours for his boogey kill instead of just 1 hour, and Skizz hasn’t yet received his 30 minutes for killing Tango), so we’ll see if these times are rectified for Session 5, or if I will adjust my graph to show what is actually used.
Before I show the close ups, I just want to explain the colours used. I picked a base colour for each team and then used a different shade of that colour for each member of the team, to make it easier when looking at a mess of lines. TIES are red because Tango made the bowtie on the tower red (and also because of the red tie in Skizz’s skin, and also Tango’s skin is red). The Bad Boys are green because of all their crops (wheat and potatoes and carrots so far). The Nosy Neighbours are purple because of Watcher-related reasons. Mean Gills are teal because of the coral reef and the warm water colour (and also Scott’s hair). Clockers are orange because Minecraft clocks are gold, and orange is the closest colour to that. Below is a screenshot of all the colour choices I had, and I labeled each one with the player I picked for it
Tumblr media
Now for the close ups of each session, with labelling for where each player is at at the end of each session. The grey squiggly downward line is simply the average of all the players’ times at that instant, and the green, yellow, and red horizontal lines mark out 24, 16, and 8 hours respectively. There are no markings for the number of hours, but each gridline is an additional hour, so you can count up and down from the colour-coded lines.
Session 1 close up
Tumblr media
Session 2 close up
Tumblr media
Session 3 close up
Tumblr media
Session 4 close up
Tumblr media
So as you can see... there’s less than three hours between the bottom nine people, and a much larger gap from them to the top five. And all three of Skizz’s teammates are amongst those with the most time, so I don’t think Skizz will be first out if TIES play their cards right.
Next I am going to show the data tables I used to generate the graphs! I colour coded them so you can easily see green lives vs yellow lives, and also how often some people switched between them (and you can also see the single second Scar technically turned green during Session 3 before dying, which is also the weird orange vertical line on the graph).
There’s a new row every ten minutes, and every death created two new rows, the first of which is the times a second before the death, and the second is after the death, in order to create the sudden vertical drop.
Deaths are marked with red borders around the box, and time being gained is marked with a green border. All times are in hours and only display to two decimal places, but were calculated down to the second (and the times in hours, minutes, and seconds can be seen at the very left.
Without further ado:
Session 1 data
Tumblr media
Session 2 data
Tumblr media
Session 3 data
Tumblr media
Session 4 data
Tumblr media
I find this is a super good visualiser of all the green and yellow switches during the session.
And to visualise the absolute chaos of a specific ten minute segment during Session 3... below shows how much space the chaotic ten minutes takes up in the data due to all the deaths... compared to the entire two hours before it (remembering each row is a new ten minutes or a new death... so for a single ten minute segment to take up almost as much space as two hours, really shows a lot)
Tumblr media
Anyway, I had an absolute blast putting all this data together and I’ve spent so much time since the weekend just staring at all the pretty graphs and data. I hope this helps other people keep track of all the death and carnage and times and so on, like it helped me.
#limited life smp#traffic life smp#24lsmp#limlife#i cant remember what other tags people are using for limited life lmao hopefully that works#anyway i love numbers and data and i made this and then couldnt show any of my friends bc none of them had seen session 4 yet#and then i remembered tumblr exists as a place to show things ive made#since my friends werent available yet#anyway follow me for more nerdy maths things or whatever#anyway :D this graph makes me so happy#the only illegal kill that was awarded time was joel in session 2#no one else has counted#except for tango's extra 30 minutes#which got me thinking bc like tango had 42 minutes left when skizz killed him#but he was supposed to only be on 12 minutes#and i cant help but wonder. if he was on the correct time (16:12:xx) would he have tried to hide for another 12 minutes and go down to#go down to yellow naturally? rather than brute force lose an hour?#because obviously tango didn't think he'd be able to run and escape for another 42 minutes#really makes you think#also i hope they gave skizz his bonus 30 minutes from killing tango when they recorded earlier today#anyway i should stop rambling in the tags so i can actually press post and you guys can see my cool graph haha#also its 11pm i need to go to sleep too probably#edit: my sister wants me to mention that she helped me pick the colours lmao#thanks sister i appreciate it#altho i think i made most decisions and you just agreed with them but whatever#my spreadsheets
42 notes · View notes
derschleierfallt · 5 months ago
Text
been trying to design my own tod for like a zillion years (for animatic purposes) and its SO HARDSKJDF
6 notes · View notes
juice-boxy · 1 year ago
Text
Psa to STOP using gc2b binders!!
They do not work, their sizing is inconsistent, their quality has been deteriorating for years, and on top of that they are OVERPRICED. Don't support them. Spectrum binders is good i hear, and If anyone has any other suggestions, pls rb!!
8 notes · View notes
neonacidtrip · 1 year ago
Text
I am home from apartment hunting and I would just like to say I am extremely disappointed, as an able-bodied person, to learn only 1 out of the 13 complexes we visited had an elevator.
#like i can take the stairs its whatever i guess#but something i had on my checklist was accessibility#one place had wheelchair ramps but it doesnt do much when you have no elevator#apparently its florida law that a building less than 4 floor isnt required to have an elevator#but then all the buildings are less than 4 floors?!?!?! disgusting#my boy tried to placate me by reminding me that we are able-bodied which turned into me lecturing him#that able-bodied people have to advocate for disability rights#it also pissed me off because both his mom and my mom have issues with stairs#and ive told him many times i dont like using the stairs because there are never cameras in the stairwells#not to mention one of our main goals is to make new friends once we move and those friends might be disabled#we ourselves may become disabled one day. i already have joint pain. its super easy to break a leg#its sickens me that disabled people either have to pay more to live in a place with an elevator#or they have to pay more to have a first floor unit (yes in florida 1st floor units usually cost more)#also! most of the stairs were just plain gross! dirty and rusty and covered with mold#anyway apartment hunting is fun but largely sucks because theres so much to be disappointed by#several places just had trash everywhere. multiple wouldnt answer phone calls. one wont answer emails#none have cameras in the parking lot and had no policy regarding crime that occurs in their parking lot other than 'file a police report'#one place tried to convince us its normal to have roaches in the unit in florida even though only one place had them#we didnt even go into all 13 units because by the end my standards had gone up and my tolerance had gone down#so we left two places without completing the tour just because our reception was nonexistent and there was trash everywhere#my boy fell in love with a place with 1star ratings trash everywhere and a raccoon problem. send help#neo rambles#neo speaks#neo apartment hunts#apartment hunting#tw mold mentioned#mold mentioned#accessibility#disability advocacy#ableism
4 notes · View notes
inmirova · 6 months ago
Text
In an ideal world, it would be a program for Deaf teachers, the government could even put it under vocational rehab if they wanted to! Unfortunately, even some Deaf schools don't employ many Deaf teachers and a lot of teaching jobs end up going to interpreters or just hearing & non-signing people instead. But you're right and I love what you said, we can hope 🩷
idk man. i just think itd be really cool if sign language classes were mandatory throughout primary school. yeah because it would make communication with deaf kids and autistic/nonverbal kids much easier. and those kids would be accessible to the others so they cold make friends and have healthy relationships. yeah. and kids would eat that shit up man. like their own little secret language? they love that.
#during the school year i teach under a program set up by a CODA which is awesome but it's not a government (public school) job#i have a few regulars at my primary job who work at the local Deaf primary school and none of them can carry much of a convo#they can probably sign at a 2nd grade level or so but that's really not enough#there's a decent residential school w Deaf teachers but that requires being willing to send your child away for like 9 months of the year#this turned into basically a rant at the current system 😅 sorry but yeah i think the first step to teaching sign language in primary school#is overhauling the current system for teaching Deaf students as a whole#some schools are decent at it but a lot of us end up in special ed with 2 rotating terps and missing half the day in speech therapy#or in a 'Deaf school' surrounded by hearies. the exceptions in the US are all in like MD KY CA and TX#even then it's specific areas of those states#i didnt meet a Deaf adult until i was 17. i didnt get into the community until i was 20.#Deaf teachers in Deaf schools=> proof of concept that being Deaf does not mean youre incapable of caring for students=>#Deaf teachers in hearing high schools as a language elective=> studies on d/D/HoH feelings of inclusivity with their peers who learn=>#Language elective starting in middle schools=> improved literacy rates in Deafies bc they have teachers who understand them at a younger age#=> primary school inclusion of sign languages in the curriculum starting in third grade=> studies on whether hearing kids need reading-#-skills to understand signed languages=> sign language in curriculum starting in first grade or ideally kindergarten#is kind of the funnel i'd imagine we'd see for optimal chances of having fluent teachers in primary education for hearing students#which would. take at least a couple of decades.#also if this sounds argumentative i dont mean it that way at all!! this is a dream for me but it needs to be done right.#and no one is going to fund it the right way without a fight. terps are great but outside of codas they arent native.#we need native speakers teaching our language or it gets twisted fast. even my favorite (/most fluent non-native speaker) terp-#-cant sign a simple word like cereal- she signs soup for both soup and cereal 😭#and she's been using asl since she was 12 and is almost 50 now. i love her to death and ive tried correcting her#but it wasnt reinforced that way when she was young and now it's ingrained in her.#anyway sorry op if you read all of this i know it was very much this is just something im really passionate about and i want to see happen#like youre so right and i love the fact that youre talking about it and that so many people agree i just have a lot of feelings about it#ALSO if you havent read them i highly recommend the books:#Forbidden Signs by Douglas Baynton#Everyone Here Spoke Sign Language by Nora Groce#and Introduction to American Deaf Culture by Thomas K Holcomb#(obv a usamerican POV but the middle one is relevant anywhere i think) for their insights on sign language teaching/integration
31K notes · View notes
itsalwaysdark · 1 month ago
Text
so close to being done with one step in the larger step in the larger step of the spreadsheet.
i ran out of space in the tags so im continuing them under the cut bc i wasnt finished... and if you let me finish i would of finshed my santance
anyways i have some countries like. the borders r pretty close to irl countries and i have them in my notes as x country but other ones i split them into like. just smaller subregions of the continent based on irl like. regions. like i split africa into . Madagascar + East Africa + Central Africa + Southern Africa + Western Africa + Northern Africa and its referenced off of maps where those r like. the recognized regions (well. madagascar is usually just counted as either east or southern africa but yk). but idk... im worried its a shitty thing 2 do i just dont know what else 2 do with it. maybe i should just use an actual world map instead since im going more realistic with like. the time periods and stuff. IDK i just rly wanna avoid the shit the sims does so much where it lumps a bunch of cultures together like. the chinese world in ts3 world adventures having a torii gate for the icon. -_- yk. the map was kinda superfluous anyway and more judt a way to visualize where the worlds we have were distributed + also was mostly influenced by that one ts4 mod which takes that more simplistic approach but maybe i can just step away from that and just go more realism based Its just hard bc i dont wanna like. lose the more like. silly isnt quite the word (itis kind of but not fully) ig i mean i dont wanna lose the abstraction kind of thing the sims has. but like. I am auite literally making a spreadsheet to get rid of some of the abstraction the sims has so what am i on about. IDK i just have been thinking abt it a lot basically... like sims im already making shit up and locking the sims to like real world history stuff it only makes sense to like. do the same thing with The world and not have it be abstracted. so yes that was a lot of words to say i think im just gonna move to thinking of the sims as living on Basically earth. In my personal the sims palace that ive made up. this is not to say i personally think of the sims as tkaing place on earth or anything ive just decided to do like. Bc this whole thing is basically an au im making anyway like. taking ts3 sims and making them be from the 1950s thats already Not what the game is like. so ill just make it a Realworld sims au. ok yay 👍 thats all sorry for talking sm abt something so pointless and also for not using a SINGLE paragraph break im basically just writing in this like i write in the tags (stream of consciousness) but the tags have the benefit of being naturally split up so yes i dont think anybody is reading this far. when i was little and playing skyward sword for the first time roughly 7-8 years old i got to the like trial on skyloft and i got so scared i smashed the cd so that i wouldnt have to do it . and then i blamed my dog for it. and i did this even tho lamp had JUST started a skyward sword playthru which idk if i knew at the time but i do feel rly guilty abt it. but i was rly scared. ok thats all
#phoebe asked 2 play mc tho so im done for the day..#i just have to do umm. i only have one world left in the 1950 portion of the ts3 worlds#and ive decided to go back and add all the homeless sims and MAYYYYBE npcs and shit but thatll be later. and ill probably do something more#fun first...#but. im excited to be done w this. and once im done with that last 1950 world (starlight shores) i only have 6-8 left Depending on if i#decide to do lunar lakes and oasis landing which i might not whos to say. its looking like i will tho -_-#im also umm debating bc i have bridgeport as set in 2000 but idr why so i mighttt change that#Also disclaimer all my times for the worlds r made up just 4 me and its all on a whim. ive changed where roaring heights is like 8000 times#and i fucked up actually bc i forgot abt the umm. was it the capps. i forgot they were there when i had it set in the 50s#but i was looking at the townies and i liked it better being 1925 basically. even tho that contradicts the capps#so currently i just have the capps going off ot it being set in 1950 and every body else is based on it being 1925. My spreadsheet and i#make the rules and 1925 would conflict with all the capps shit and i dontt wanna deal with it again . so yes#but ya. idr why i put bridgeport was 2000 it mightve just been a vibes thing... and also bc none of the other ts3 worlds r set around 2000#iny my mind and i was like well maybe there could be one.. but i might change that bc appaloosa plains has like. soo many bridgeport#references. and also i might have to change where i arbitrarily decided bridgeport is bc i likee. i did those ages ago and i put it#australia Mostly bc there r no other australian worlds . aside from like pleasantview/strangeview/melbourne from the console games but . 1.#im not counting console games 2. melbourne is a real life place in real life#so ya. i out it there bc on the wiki it was like Wellll it kinda looks like ok i just looked on the wiki to back up my claim and thats#literally gone ok . i have to move it out of australia#THERE R JUST SO MANY USA INSPIRED WORLDS ive tried to scatter them around.. ohwell. my dream is one day ill get so good with the ts3 world#editor and ill simply make it all. but you know how it is... i dont think thatll happen. (#but maybe one day. if i can ever get ts3 to work for me again FNFNFJFBFJFN#but ya. bc its the same thing i did with appaloosa plains where the entire thing was like Its based on the midwest and also arizona and i#ignoredall that and focused on the part where they said 'with a splash of ky green' and went Ohhh its based in kentucky its a kentucky world#based on kentucky GOT IT 👍👍#also bc i have the usa divided into subdistricts and such Speaking of i rly kinda just wanna redo my entire sims map ive been struggling#with it recently#bc im trying to have it Abstracted from irl while still being like. Sims. but i also worry that im being evil by grouping countries together#into bigger ones... esp w like how ppl just lump in asian and african countries altogether anyways i worry im doing the same thing eveb if#its not my intention . + it just makes it weirder when a country Is more by itself like. currently i have china and japan like. similar to
1 note · View note
puppmeo · 4 months ago
Text
Have you ever been assumed to be romantically attracted to someone and even just the thought of that makes you want to throw up . Anybody
#had someone's husband in my dms going on about how i want this bitch romantically and frankly if i hadn't been so busy crying i would've#actually thrown up . absolutely disgusting idea . vile even . horrid concept#anyway tldr im down a best friend because he didn't tell me anything i was doing was wrong after telling me that everything was okay and#then sent his husband after me to call me a creep that was obsessed with him that also apparently tried to make out w him#the same trip that my best friend of five years told me he hated having me in his hometown to see him graduate.#this was after i found out my cat had been murdered and mutilated and thrown in my granma's garden . that day happened to be my birthday#because my ma was kind enough to drive me and my lil brother down there to go see him graduate bc he was also supposed to move in w us the#month after . and he told me right after i got home that he 'didn't think it would be good for our relationship' and apparently#just didn't know how to tell me until a month before it was supposed to happen . bonkers times over here#anyway i didn't want to make out with him . he cried after i wouldn't have sex w him just last december . which i specifically got high as#shit to avoid . and i dont even have like. actual examples of what i was doing wrong to go off of so now i just get to live in mystery#forever ig. like shocker that the person that's been my best friend for five years would tell his husband to say that to me and not say that#shit to me himself . this is a wild to me . i feel like im going insane . can anybody even hear me what's going on#you know its bad when your mama gets so sick of you crying over a friend that she hugs you for the first time in years#also i cant sleep my head hurts . crying is evil . devils liquid . might watch rpdr or something . still nauseous over the idea of being#into him romantically btw . like still nauseous over that . like what a fucking insult to our entire friendship#does saying that we may as well have been made of the same atoms mean like . nothing . does nothing ive said to or about him not mean anythi#ng if its not romantic in nature . what did i do that wasnt enough for him. i fucking told him he outgrew me and that was fine i just#wanted to know if we were still friends or not and he said we were and i believed him. if he told me the sky was green i would make it so#ripping my hair out . am i being dramatic . am i the only person that wasn't expecting this . am i the only one that didn't know#when i had to tell people who knew about the moving plans that he changed his mind the first fucking thing i was told was “i thought it migh#t happen.“ WELL I FUCKINH DIDN'T . AND NOBODY TOLD ME#this is like . the second most humiliating moment of my life . aside from movinggate because at least nobody irl has to know about this#anyway . this boy could've taken my blood and i'd sit there and smile while he did it because he was my best friend .#i was so glad we got to grow up together. i miss him already. im taking my little brother to school my myself for the first time and all im#gonna wanna do is tell him about it . im tired . i want to sleep . im still so nauseous . did none of it mean anything just because ive#never and will never like him romantically. does that make everything less worthy somehow#i hope he never talks to me again. i dont think i could handle this again. he let is fucking husband say that shit to me. not him.#puppmeo misery
0 notes
arolesbianism · 7 months ago
Text
Oh baby I am getting way to ambitious with my current oni run for someone who's laptop starts screaming anytime it opens steam
#rat rambles#oni posting#Ive started expanding my base area not for the sake of providing more living space or whatver but so I can build a museum#Im going to have an artifact section an art section and ideally a critter section if I can decide how I would go abt that#Im also going to have a sporechid exhibit since Ive never actually tried to use them before#its going to be right above the biobot room since thats going to be the entrance of the museum#I may also further expand downwards at some point to build a mega relaxation section with as many rec buildings as I can affort to maintain#more focus on variety that pure numbers tho I just wanna use the stuff I usually never use#and lemme tell you my dupes will use none of them since theyre too obsessed with their damn phones but its ok I forgive them#now one thing thats going to be annoying abt this project is that for the critter section Im going to need a Lot of glass#the goal is to keep one wild creature in each containment room and to have each be fairly healthy for the critter#now I definitely wont be doing every critter as quite franky I dont have space for that#currently my only real plan is for an oakshell exhibit but I wanna do more of them#maybe a cuddle pip one would work? Id also like a shine bug one but idk how exactly to go abt it#mainly because ideally Id want one of the fancier shine bugs but I am firm on keeping these guys wild#and itd probably take a lot of work to get a wild radiant bug or smth#well more like a lot of time#I could just try to get a more middle of the pack shine bug and just call that good enough#Im pretty sure shine bug morph rates only change when they eat so in theory I could get away with taht#although technically speaking the morph odds can always just happen anyways so maybe I just leave it and hope for the best#like I have the food to spare I could very easily breed fancy shinebugs if I wanted to again I just wanna keep them wild#but yeah other critter options probably include dreckos and maybe a long haired slickster if I feel like putting in the effort#a drecko exhibit would be pretty simple tho Id just have to decide which morph#Im unsure if I wanna do a hatch exhibit or not simply because I dont have ideas to make it look cool#like I feel like for a hatch Id want it to be a stone or smooth hatch but again the breeding problem arises#now one thing I should definitely do at some point is go grab a gassy moo for the museum but thats a maybe project#mostly because I still have trauma from the last time I did a gassy moo trip lol#speaking off I still need to build a rocket that can actually be used to explore new planets#so far all my rocketry has been for data banks and artifacts#although I did just today get my first drillcone rocket up and running
1 note · View note
cherriko-art · 9 months ago
Text
Do you know that feeling when you've found your One True Brush on a digital art program? Like some glass slipper made just for you, and drawing with it just feels so right?
And then, you switch programs, leaving behind your glass slipper, and you search frantically to find your one true love all over again and try on dozens upon dozens of shoes but none of them quite fit right?
Anyways, it's been 7 years since I left behind Paint Tool Sai and I have yet to find a brush as perfect as the default marker brush from SAI and I am still in mourning.
1 note · View note
tkbrokkoli · 11 months ago
Text
:3
#not fandom related#personal log stardate#trans stuff#1 month on T now! 😁 i def got the most surprising changes#my voice changed a teeny tiny bit. after just waking up and when im putting in effort it's in the androgynous range now.#it doesnt pass as male at all tho. period is reduced to light spotting. i got some bottom growth but i did not feel that at all#so no sensitivity or anything. i just discovered one day that ive had bottom growth#none of the 3 h's (horny hungry hot) for me. in fact i was worried at first my dose was either too low or high or im not absorbing the gel#well bc i didn't notice anything at all. but nope. changes are happening!#now to the bad stuff. had a thrombosis scare last week. i already have a raised risk and T raises it even more and then i had weird pain in#my calf last week. it went away again tho so maybe it was from working out or smth idk. i probably should've seen a doctor just to make#sure my blood levels are ok and i don't have polycythemia. maybe ill do that this week#also. atrophy 😬#i did not know you could get this like. instantly. i thought this was smth that happened after years on T#anyway. my junk is irritated. i don't do anything w it and the mucus outside is irritated just like that#it is basically almost always uncomfortable. sometimes worse sometimes barely noticeable. idk if it's just a pH change from starting T or i#it'll settle into smth long term. ive now bought a moisturizing cream for down there. haven't tried it out yet but what I've tried is#just putting some lube there over night and it did reduce the symptoms. let's see how that will develop in the next few weeks#i know there's estrogen cream but you need a prescription for that i think. ill try that if the other stuff fails#so anyway my changes are kinda unlike of what ive read usually happens in the first month except for bottom growth#im not complaining (except abt the atrophy)#also shout out to my doctor for putting in my chart that i want to be referred to as a man and also actually referring to me as a#man. only one nurse is actually paying attention to that though and she's also the one who handled my paperwork once where it said im trans#she just uses my last name w/o anything else which is fine for me. i don't pass yet so it would be awkward if i was sir'd in front of other#patients. also i know one of the other nurses from my private life (she's an acquaintance of a former colleague of mine) so she only knows#me pre-transitioning and it again would be kinda awkward idk. i think ill have a talk w the nurses abt what i want to be referred to when i#a little further along in my medical transition. for now its fine being misgendered in front of other patients bc i dont pass anyway#but it's nice being respected in private ie when im alone w my doctor or a nurse#oh btw i had my first exam this week ugh. i was not as well prepared as i should've been but i don't worry abt it too much#bc this is only the first exam and there are many more to come so now i can learn from my mistakes and prepare better/more efficiently
1 note · View note
barnacles34 · 1 month ago
Text
Mr. Rager, Can I Tag Along?
Part I
Synopsis: Mr. Rager finally joins the birds in the skies. Dedicated to the song Mr. Rager by Kid Cudi.
tags: 8k, smut, so much romance, fluff, addiction, recovery, virgin Ryujin
Ryujin x Male OC
Tumblr media Tumblr media
CHAPTER I: 
You might hear the birds singing flying around,
You never see them too long on the ground,
You wanna be one of them, yeah.
Cocaine toxicity. Solipsism finally vindicated. He was going to die—truly. That cloudy feeling of mind and body separation, as if the ribbons of heaven had finally let him grasp their reins, swaying him toward some version of forever happiness.
Mmmm.
He thought he’d care about dying right there in the nightclub. The shame of weakness, of collapsing with foam at the corners of his mouth—he’d truly thought he’d care more about it. But now, one worry gone, he was worriless. Life had its charm, but it wasn’t for him; he’d been walking on sticks until the very end. Now, the floor felt so right. His body sank into it, slipping slowly, as if turning to slime and merging back into the earth.
Each second, his grip over his fingers weakened, a constant slackening with every passing moment. His eyelids grew heavy, and the outline of the nightclub around him blurred. He couldn’t control his fingers anymore; he was truly sinking. When would heaven begin? When would this fantasy end? Mind-death, a complete and utter submission to the lifeless realm - he’d never recover.
The faint tingling of powder lingered at the rim of his nostrils. At least, he’d had a good high - a nice ecstasy haze along the fine columbian - before dying. Finally, his eyes closed, nerves shutting down, and he felt free, unchained from his body like a ghost.
"Stay with me!" A voice, deep and feminine.
Hm?
"Don’t close your eyes!" Again, that voice.
What?
Whatever. It was too late anyway.
"How many fingers am I holding up!?" Still images flashed through his fading consciousness, fingers held up just before his face, barely visible, though he couldn’t tell how many anyway.
"What’s your name?" He couldn't place a face on the voice, but it was distinctly feminine - separate from his inner voices.
They were trying so hard. If they’d responded any faster, he might’ve been forced to go back - to life.
Go back…
Did he want to go back?
Hell.
Mr. Rager - that’d be a good name, he thought. If he were reborn, given another chance, that’s who he’d be.
"Mr. Rager!"
What? Could the paramedic hear him?
"Mr. Rager! Come back! Fight back! Don’t go off on an adventure!"
Flash. Eyes open. He was alive - he was… alive.
"Mr. Rager. You’re okay; don’t make any sudden movements." A soft, padded palm rubbed his forehead with a gentle, compassionate touch. He looked up. A young woman, petite yet strikingly beautiful, looked back at him.
"What’s your name?" he asked, despite himself. Still a bachelor, after all. "My name is Ryujin." She was dressed in a way he couldn’t quite place, something different from what he expected. "I’m part-time, by the way," she said, noticing his confused look. "That’s why my clothes are different." He rubbed his forehead; it was pounding, but with a distant sort of ache, incongruous with a proper headache. “What the hell happened?” he asked, properly confused. “You went into shock, someone already administered naloxone to your body, thankfully; otherwise, you would’ve-” she abruptly bit her tongue, preventing herself from talking about a potentially sensitive topic that Mr. Rager was subjected to.
“And, by the way, this was my first call ever.” A subtle transition, a conversation starter.
He blinks, trying to relieve the soreness in his eyes, “God, I’m sorry, this is such a fucking shitty situation.” And the way he said it, that emotional self-deprecation.
She might’ve realized something, “Were you trying to commit suicide?” She asked, very bluntly.
“It’s none of your business. Thank you for the hospitality, I’ll be taking my leave now.” When he tried to take the IV fastened to his vein, Ryujin softly, with the firmest grip and tone, said, “You’re going nowhere.”
All Mr. Rager could think of were cuss words, cusses against the world, against destiny to be alive for the foreseeable future. 
A resolve to suicide is the moment the mind, at the cusp of mind-death, truly enters a dead mind. The inescapable rock-bottom, a self-fulfilling prophecy where one feels truly and utterly fastened to the floor - inhibited of all its freedoms, its happiness.
Mr. Rager, or better known as Min amongst his peers - not friends. At the hands of his peers, Mr. Rager sustained a traumatic head injury that tormented him with chronic migraines right from the start of it all - the drunk brawl, that he decisively lost in, at just the age of 17. 
See, Mr. Rager had not a single family member except his aunt who embezzled all the funds Rager’s parents left for him. And the last time he tried to talk with his aunt was when he sustained a knife wound on his forearm from her - a deeply tormented individual, she was locked in a home-made cage for most of her adolescence.
And, unfortunately, there’s not a single time where his life is measurably better than the year before - only getting worse until the overdose.
Ryujin didn’t inquire further, she was hoping somewhat that her presence might help Mr. Rager. She sat next to Mr. Rager, her hand still on the side of the hospital bed, feeling its soft fabric. Mr. Rager, still irritated, asked, “Why are you still here?”
“Cause I want to be here.” A joking undertone, perfectly acted out. In truth, Ryujin pitied him so much, her first patient, a successful businessman who tried to kill himself at the age of 29 - now that’s fucking rare, usually the cases accelerate at the age  of 50 or so.
“Why’d you take this job?” 
She replied, “Artistic inspiration.”
“Hm, fantastic idea by the way.” He was sincere about it.
“Thanks.”
“Do you have enough material now?”
“Oh. Plenty. Plenty enough.” She giggled.
“What if I don’t consent to my likeness being represented in your art - medium, whatever?”
“Mr. Rager, don’t you worry, I’ll refurbish it so much that it'll be closer to the likeness of… let’s say… me.”
“Quit the teasing,” he stated, straight to the point.
“I don’t want to.” She replied back, he was one of the few people where teasing seemed to genuinely improve their immediate well-being, and for someone like Mr. Rager - it’s huge. And, he was finally laying, no longer trying to plan an escape, on the flatbed, staring at the ceiling, observing the music player. “By the way, is this music player provided to everyone recovering?” He’s not one to mix words.
“You’re pretty smart.” She replies, a confirmation, fiddling with her torn skirt, presumably from rushing into her para-medic role.
“That’s what I owe you for?”
“Mhm.” Still fiddling, a pouty sort of face formed on her face, it was her favorite skirt.
“How do you want the debt paid?” He inquired, he’s one to never ignore the nascent attachment to his favorite items - thus, he understands: the exorbitant value placed on favoritisms. “I dunno. You’ll still owe me. Big Time.” She stared back, this time, their eyes entwined with a sort of friendliness that is almost, just almost, ethically wrong in hospital circumstances.
“Very well then.” His tired eyes kept pulling on his eyelids. Genuine sleep had seemed to completely take over his body, and yeah, that’s all the meds he’s under: naloxone, antibiotics, withdrawal medicine, and a lovely dose of morphine. “I feel new.” His voice was dozing as his intra-reflection began. As he nodded off, he felt the faint grasp of her hand, so small, yet filled with so much conviction. He’s tripping balls, but she’ll never tell him - presence was what was required of her.
And that was all the validation he needed: for sleep.
As Mr. Rager finally slept; Ryujin stayed for a bit, or about 4 hours. And, still, she’s sitting beside him - making sure that he sleeps and recovers. Just from the chance encounter of a paramedic call, she felt the compulsion to guard Mr. Rager. Poor girl, if she’d seen a dead body for her first call then she’d vomit a week’s worth onto the ground. 
After another hour, Ryujin finally decided it was time to leave. She wrote a thoughtful letter, of things that needn’t be said - obviously. But she also left a partition, finagling a creative way to demand what she’s owed. After, she let her boss know that she quit on the spot, that she’d also come back to the same room - a reservation of some sort. She left, leaving the stale, minty air of the hospital with a melancholy that wouldn’t be fixed until she saw him again. Because, when she was writing the note, she wished she asked more questions - Mr. Rager just seemed to lead on the conversation to a charming degree, that other circumstances were of lesser importance. 
Ryujin, outside, breathing in the fresh air of the summer, caught the last bus of the route. This route, passing by the road that she was taken on inside the paramedic van, also led to her apartment. Unfortunately, it’s an old, decrepit apartment where only the rudest sort of parties happen. Half the time, the floor above is vibrating thump, thump, thump from the heavy jumps, or the lower floor blasts some of the most needlessly, eardrum-breaking music.
At least she has solitude. Finally free from the dictates of those she didn’t get along with, finally separated from her friends who’d get too boring if she hung along for too long. Now, her family is charming - easy to get along with; now, her friends are always interesting - fascinating to be around. Distance is a marinating technique, or whatever.
Ryujin, the charming shut-in, finally arrived at her place, and began on her art piece. Unfortunately, there’s nothing to list that’s positive about her obsession with art. It’s the time where she vents her frustrations of being a failed trainee - rather, a placement that was restricted from becoming an idol; wallows in the misery of the color tone she loves the most: dark; and, to top it off, she gets bored of visual arts when she tries to make money off of it. Some dastardly sign from the man above, “Your hobby will stay a hobby.”
All that displeasure would be the paint upon the canvas: checkmate, mental turmoil turns to art, she thought. Swipe and swipe, the dirty colored watercolor painting had nearly no form worth thinking - almost entirely brown from the intermixing of the wet, damp color. Then the second layer, an apparition of segmentation, a deeper color, colors that entice and bite back. Then the specificity of the lines, things left unspecified were on purpose. But, this recurring thought, this pounding idea, that she left a man that fell in the depths of the void alone - really began digging into her soul. This thought unto Ad Nauseam brought her nausea that really can’t be eliminated with the will of her conscience. “I should’ve stayed, I should’ve stayed” - the recurrent thoughts that never seemed to leave her. With a sad howl, she fell to the side, crying deep, ruining all her pretty into the sheets - a room so small that her chair was the bed.
“I’m still alive”, Mr. Rager repeated this to himself over and over after waking up - not sure whether to feel some sort of rendered triumph. For a moment, he was truly tip-toed in the void, almost encased into the endless hope, of unrendered reality and a horrible sadness; now, he’s alive, breathing, with a full control of his body.
Nothing had caught his attention, the environment, whether there were people around him or not, only life as he knew it - coursing through his veins. The feeble thumps of his chest - his heart, still persevering.
Several days of this sort of morning locomotion went on, it was also the time that Ryujin came over. Poor girl brought over new confectionaries - mostly of her favorites; brought lunch boxes she herself fully funded; found ways to amuse herself and Mr. Rager during the listless hours.
“What’s the interest rate of this debt? Surely, a person like me, fastened to the bed with belts (a pure exaggeration), wouldn’t be extorted with dubious rates?”
“Mr. Rager, you’ll have to declare bankruptcy by the end of it, seriously. You owe me. Big time.” She joked back, of course, she didn’t really expect much. By her own goodwill, Ryujin was looking after Mr. Rager, an exchange of her goodwill would almost sour all her community service - again, a flash of her trait, a blithely weak trait in modern society, a subtle revulsion to being paid for her services.
Mr. Rager, however, was the opposite. Rogue-man, Rager man, Mr. Rager, a name that fits him so closely, from the early onset of consciousness, an unruly rebelliousness coursing through his veins at all times, with flourish - with the crimonest red. He’s done it all, disowning his billionaire politician parents, who still relish the thought of meeting Mr. Rager one day; losing all his wealth, gaining it back the next; then, enjoying it all on a single roulette wheel, then forgiving the casino when they couldn’t pay his winnings; and then dying for a few seconds, under the angelic influence of the so-called hellish “nose candy”. But for his closure, his preference—he’s pastless, futureless.
That’s the dilemma, Ryujin hadn’t learned a single thing about Mr. Rager that was worth pulling a strand on. Contradictory statements only confounded her further, and a reply to her joke - of bankruptcy and debt - he’d say, “I’d have to find it buried somewhere.” And she’d think, “What? What the hell? What’s buried? What’s ‘it’ ?”
Often the thought was interrupted, never fully leaving its conception—Mr. Rager wanted to keep it that way. Ryujin, often on her phone, never leaving her eyes off Mr. Rager, spent her delicate hours in the breezy, spacious hospital room.
Mr. Rager, of course alarmed, would ask - every day - “why do you visit so often?”
Then, Ryujin, really not knowing an answer, would default to a bland answer of so and so - real political talk. This procession, of nothing happening, stretching on for days was repetitive. It also made them happy. She’d put on her makeup, with her artsy hands - quick and fast. The rapidity with which she approached this situation, so contrary to all the aspects of her life - seemingly, Mr. Rager had brought vitality to Ryujin.
And in comes the day of withdrawal, the hospital withdrawal - where Ryujin and Mr. Rager resided comfortably. The door clicked softly as the nurse entered; simultaneously, Ryujin and Mr. Rager’s hairs stood up - what are they alarmed for? It was not, the nurse, no, absolutely not, the nurse was jovial, happy, thinking that she was delivering happy news.
She didn’t know that both of them found their only sources of joy inside this hospital. The nurse thought that she was relieving them of a most ludicrous bill, by ending it as soon as possible - as this hospital in particular, charges in hours, yeah, real dystopian shit. And so, it was a surprise when both the people had an almost disdainful stare towards her - it’s just my imagination, the nurse thought.
“Are you sure? You know overdraft schedules cost significantly more?” The nurse asked, confused, concerned.
“Yeah, yeah, I just want to stay here for one more day.” Mr. Rager replied.
“But, but - do you have any ailment? That’ll bring down the price.” 
“None at all, I just want to stay here for another day more.”
Rich people are nuts, the nurse, still, complied, letting him stay, leaving him for another day.
As the day progressed, Ryujin came back, again, in the evening. “Your schedule, how do you do that?” Mr. Rager was genuinely impressed with how Ryujin utilized her time, imagine his surprise when she just says, “I just skipped some stuff.”
“Alright, well, thanks for coming.” And that got Ryujin thinking, was this his first time thanking me? Which, in fact, did make her day. And, she wouldn’t dare challenge this once in a lifetime behavior - that’d be a quick way for that behavior to be stashed away, forever. Again, as soon as she entered, the atmosphere changed. 
It’s about damn time they understand the euphoric peacefulness they rouse for each other. And, today was one of the moments where Mr. Rager gives a slight glimpse of his life - the confounding ones that really led to nowhere. “I think my aversion to alcohol comes from the fact that I had kids with this chick, married this chick, bought a mansion for us to live in - and, only too late, realized that it was really the alcohol that talked.”
Ryujin’s heart sank, “what? You have kids?”
“Not anymore, don’t have custody over them anymore.” He was so unbothered, utterly unbothered.
“I’m sorry for asking, just curious—what happened to them?”
He chuckled, “No more personal questions after this, alright?”
She nodded, her beady eyes on full alert. The pillow that she borrowed from the hospital bed, on her lap. She was intently listening from the comfortable armchair. 
“I let her take the kids, she didn’t ask for alimony or anything like that—just that, on the condition that I don’t contact them ever again.” He stared at the ceiling, sorting some of it out, not sure if it was some traumatic experience. Nevertheless, he continued, “she found me unbearable after a while, and I found her unbearable as well. I was never there too: too busy with money. She probably didn’t chase after alimony because she already had a sweetheart - with money - to get back to.” With so much ease, as if he’d been through too many lifetimes - too many he can remember.
“Oh,” that’s it, that’s all the reaction she can give.
“Oh, what’s with that reaction?” He chuckled.
“I-I’msorryIdon’treallyknow-” she paused, “Hey! You’re being so annoying today.”
“Sometimes, a flipped script - like teaser gets teased - leads to masterpieces.”
“Any examples?”
“Nah, I just made it up.”
From then on, the conversations continued; the deep introspective pauses continued, listlessly; and both began to feel the drowsy effect of the combination of warm light and black-out curtains.
And a tired Mr. Rager loves beauty. 
“Ryujin.”
“Hm?” She looked back, staring at him with her doe eyes.
“You’re like marijuana.” One can say he has a way with words.
“What?” Her brows stitched in confusion.
“You’re fucking amazing to have around. But, I swore to never, nev-” He fell into a deep sleep, so contrary to his habits: he’s never fallen asleep with his own mind’s permission.
Her doe-like eyes opened farther open. Her heart began beating listlessly, skipping beats. I’ve got to leave, before I-. Yet she magneted closer to the bed, where Mr. Rager slept so peacefully. Did I do that? He’s always complaining about sleeping, yet- yet he slept so easily. She was making up all sorts of situations, scenarios, theories - none of them healthy for the mind.
And, before she knew it, under the bright moonlight radiating into the room, gentle shadows across his face, she leaned closer, letting her soft lips touch the peak of his cheekbone, causing shivers across her spine, and she thought fuck, fuck, I’m really doing it - and when that wasn’t enough - then his forehead, feeling the warmth radiating from his forehead on her lips. But no more, that’d be too much, too much.
Under her own shame, her bright flush cheeks, her dilated pupils, twin pools of dark moons: she quickly left the room, carrying all her stuff such that it’d be guaranteed to fall in the middle of the hallway, a real mess she made of herself.
CHAPTER II: 
Keep movin' forward, keep movin' forward
I'm so-I'm so reborn, I'm movin' forward
Along the way home, the realization washed over her like a molotov flame - its gentle but fiery shimmer covering the entirety of her body. And the way her heart pumped, any performative act she could do to stop it was useless - ultimately doing nothing, nada, zilch. The sound of his roaring laughter from her jokes, the curve of his smile, the messy stubble, god, she was really losing it inside the bus. Her every thought, motion, every constriction of her body - pulse and all - was consumed by him. Her legs rubbed together desperately, and the slightest, faintest moan left her quivering lips as she let her imagination go wild. 
And the fact that… that an elderly lady was behind her, judging her provocative movements, just nudged her on further - full on deviant shit.
As soon as she’d be home, she’d have a towel under her.
Fortunately, past the hospital departure, they wanted to see each other again - platonically. However, it’s been days, and though that may seem quite short, they’ve never been separated for more than 12 hours. 
And these days, these listlessly long days, let Ryujin know of her sympathetic entanglement, and, seemingly intensifying it. Ryujin, with her sore body, stared at Mr. Rager’s phone number on her phone - the curves of the numbers kept reminding her of everything she thought about days before (the curves of the numbers some dubious correlation with Mr. Rager). She’s about to do it again, two fingers, knuckle-deep, into her folds until she’s a drooling mess on the bed. She was already a mess to begin with, a crook in her neck, half her bed unmade, sleep-deprived.
That isn’t to say that Mr. Rager wasn’t just as affected. He never succumbed to the pleasure of the hand, but the dreams, the wistful dreams. Imagining her close smile against him, moaning soft and goading phrases right into his ear - melodiously erotic. Her soft palms against his broad back, pressing deep - trying her best to not scratch up his back. You’re fucking me so good, mm- she’s whimpering, right on your ear, fuck, shivers throughout. Then, halt. It’s the fucking alarm.
Both awake, going through their groggy morning routines to finally meet again. Would it be as magical as it was in the hospital? Would it ever be so calm?
The time to meet was approaching quickly. Ryujin got ready, her perfect face, judiciously given with all her perfect talents, was colored with minimal effort, any more and she’d show off her inexperience with makeup - Mr. Rager would’ve lost it all regardless. Because, she was dressed in this tight dress, the type of dress that a girl like her deserves, expensive, ornate, sexy; but, she was a special case, she’d never worn something so ornate and so revealing, and the mirror would reflect a little doe desperately pulling on the hems that revealed her taut thick thighs, the cusp of her petite bosom, and any effort to cover was an ultimately futile effort, this was something she had come to terms with, before leaving her small studio.
And, as if she were in a Wong-Kar Wai movie, she entered the bus: all glammed out in a shitty environment. And the nervous eyes in the bus quickly looked away, intimidated heavily; still, some passengers hoped that they could get a glimpse with the spasm of their pupils to her direction - that’s how good she looked.
She sat down mindfully, crossing her legs - alarmingly aware of the stares. Her face adopted a natural blush - a face too beautiful to hide. Her eyes, set beneath her delicately arched eyebrows, stared at the reflection of herself from the wide glass. She’d never be able to understand her own beauty, too often enveloped in imposter syndrome, and the only person, Mr. Rager, would be the one, who could tell her the beauty of her cascading black hair; her large eyes, accentuated by a deep-set gaze; the beauty with which she carried herself, awkward, yet enigmatically, always, the most beautiful person in the room.
Mr. Rager, gaunt from the opioids, still looked herculean, a fitful combination that fit any clothing piece. With an androgynous face that was covered with sharp eyebrows, dark under eyes, high cheek-bones, and a sort of asymmetrical face that was almost better than the conventional symmetry: in summary, he was someone you couldn’t miss. This inherited comeliness comes with its risks, from the ease of life to the women, things that Mr. Rager succumbed to in violent fashion. Other than that, his preparation was pretty rapid, hopping into his entirely dark-tinted - for obvious reasons - car and set off into the gentle night.
Ryujin landed at the closest bus point to the meeting point. Her dress was unsuited for the weather, and her body began going frigid under a chilly summer day. That’s until a black car, a mercedes s-class, stopped ahead of her. It was nothing to be worried about, she’d just pass by it, acting as if she didn’t see it. However, the figure that exited the car was all too familiar: Mr. Rager.
“Ryujin.” Mr. Rager took a look, scanning her body - making it all too obvious with his pupils - instantly realized why he’s been thinking constantly about her - she’s just the most beautiful person.
And Ryujin, the way her knees slightly folded from seeing Mr. Rager, a slight spasm in her joints - she really missed him. And her hands crossed together between her loins, her eyes opened slightly larger.
“Don’t be so nervous.” He chuckled, that chuckle, that deep chuckle - Ryujin could feel the heat in her core. “Come in, you still have a long way to go,” she gladly accepted, entering into the car: feeling the soft seats, the fragrance of the unusual smell of vanilla and sandalwood (in a car?), and the overwhelming luxury around her surroundings.
“Be sure to dial the temperature or dial whatever you need, I’m sure you were pretty cold outside.” Mr. Rager said, aware of how Ryujin is not one to engage in something without permission - only if he knew what she’d done, the moment before she left, that day. However as he talked, all Ryujin could respond with was a chuckle, she was too focused on how the sentence sounded, how his eyes placed on her face, and occasionally, how it landed on her chest. And that was just the pinnacle for her.
He couldn't stop his gaze, this fermentation of a pending calamity was bounding closer and closer, and thrilled both parties to no end - they couldn’t even hide their own temptations behind the screen of a platonic hang out. By the seconds, the passing seconds, they got bolder, he got bolder. He let his eyes wander far down, her creamy white legs, her meticulous maintenance of it all. And Ryujin was wallowing in it all, his sharp gaze made her feel warmer, wetter - enticing her to dial down the temperature, a contrast from when she was so cold outside.
Still, they’d say nothing, despite it all. The silent hum of the tire scraping against the asphalt was all the credence, the distraction, they were allowed. The rest was this endorphin-filled, endorphin-crazed environment where both of them knew that they were pushing too quickly, given the fact that this companionship began from a suicide attempt.
Still, there’s this slip of time, where they could, possibly, love each other. Though, before these exponential entropic forces caused all sorts of calamity, they arrived at the spot. This run-down complex, that hid a quaint restaurant with private rooms, was a source of nostalgia for Mr. Rager. Ryujin followed, climbing the stairs, ascending just behind him, pulling down on her dress, sticking her thighs together as she climbed (a natural precaution). The restaurant was exactly that, quaint. They entered one of the tight-fitting cubicles, where they sat across from each other, a small sitting-table separated their bodies - unfortunately.
“Don’t be too worried about this restaurant, it may be run down, but it’s a great experience.”
“Oh, no, no, I’m not worried about that, I frequent far more run down establishments than this.” As the words left her tongue, Ryujin cringed, frequent? What am I? A prostitute? Her eyebrows knitted.
“Relax Ryujin,” he chuckled, “enjoy yourself, I’ll pay for it all.”
“That’s the first step to the debt?” Ryujin grinned, loosening, gaining her natural confidence.
“Perhaps. Come on, go crazy.” There it is, that nice toothy grin, her cheeks ripple into some sort of whiskers - god, he’d do anything for that, again and again. 
The dishes came, oily dishes full of food, and Ryujin’s eyes glazed in excitement. After a brief, too quick, moment of eating, both of them leaned back - absolutely full.
“You got a bird’s stomach for your ambition, Ryujin.”
“And you’re a head taller than me, but you’re leaning as well!”
“Good point.” He chuckled, fighting indigestion through it.
“I don’t even like oily food.”
“Me too.”
This time, a collaborative laugh.
Mr. Rager paid the meager bill, leaving all the food to rot on the table - the plight of abundance.
“Anything you want to do today?” Mr. Rager asked, putting on his seatbelt.
“It’s really late, I really wanted to punish your wallet, you played your cards right going out so late..” Ryujin relaxed into the seat, fully comfortable, in-tune.
“Well, if you don’t have any plans. Mind if I go the reservation for us?”
“What reservation?”
“That’d ruin the surprise, Ryujin.” The ambient sound of the tires against the ground in combination with the dark night - the darkest night before morning - was an even more intense atmosphere.
This peaceful atmosphere, intense, yet peaceful, again, just like the hospital visits. This interesting continuation of happiness, so foreign to his life, was something that he could get used to. His forearm pressed against the storage compartment, letting his hand spill over; his other arm was loosely steering, as loose as the gentle dark night. 
As he trailed the road, occasional peeks at Ryujin showed her transition to sleep: drowsy eyelids that infrequently close for periods of time, then, longer periods, then, sleep. 
Who was this angel? This angel that wrought Mr. Rager all manners of hope, of happiness, of reflection. If he hadn’t been so stubborn about his affliction towards personal information, maybe, just maybe he’d understand her more, this girl - so beautifully clad in a flowery dress.
Is this love, this elusive feeling? How could it be so cruel? So cruel as to bring it to me at a time so random, and so heavily…
Again, he forgot his bad habit: speaking his thoughts out loud.
He realized too late, and he could feel her large eyes staring at him, confused. 
Yet, and yet, he felt the gentle warmth of another palm on his forearm - a reassuring grip.
“Min, I love you too.”
CHAPTER III: No Longer Mr. Rager
I want to kiss you on your space below your navalette
The place you keep so neat, so moist like a towelette
Ryujin, her beautifully beady eyes looked at you, as she lifted your forearm, planting little kisses all over it.
“Oh Ryujin.”
“You don’t know how long I’ve been waiting for that, Min.” A statement that left her lips as she continued worshiping his forearm.
Jesus, this woman.
He pulls into the closest parking spot, giving not a single fuck that there were a few cars there - all likely empty, anyway.
And, with all pretenses and courtesy removed, the forearm that was so judiciously worshiped, wrapped around her nape, pulling her into a searing kiss. That deep moan, that accepting moan as his mouth opened against hers. He almost forgot the most essential question - suddenly, slightly pulling away from the kiss.
“How’d you find out about my name, Ryujin?” Min asked.
“A woman doesn’t disclose her secrets, besides, how could my love not have a name?” Cheesy, feisty, what a woman.
“Good point.” Another searing kiss, dynamic, evolving, every step more depravedly romantic than the previous.
He was pretty sure that he’d break something, in the middle compartment, that separated you from total body connection. Again, you pull away, this time, it brought out a desperate whine out of her, her arms that wrapped desperately around you kept pulling you in - like a vortex.
She understood the memo as soon as he exited the car - love connection. This time, with a wider space, still constricted, was the best they could do, and they’d relish this extra space. Min, naturally assumed dominance over Ryujin, her body acclimated against his aggressive pulls and pushes - all for the pleasure of Ryujin, and she didn’t take it lightly, each breath heavy with the densest pleasure. Oh, oh, oh, keep manhandling me. She’d whisper. And he’d obey.
As Ryujin, with her tight dress, splayed against the seats on her back, took initiative to take off Min’s clothes, button-by-button. “Oh I’ll fuck you so good, Ryujin, so fucking good.” He’d repeat, over and over, and Ryujin would get more aroused by each iteration: “Yes, yes! Please.” Occasional soft bites were felt all over his collarbone, his neck, his earlobe. “Possessive little bird, I’m not going anywhere.” He caressed her head, making sure that he’d also mark her, a heavy hickey on her neck.
And Ryujin fucking loves it, she softly caresses him, soft grasps against his back, locking her taut legs around him, begging for continuations. And, Min would obey, in his own rebellious way, tightly grabbing her breasts - hidden behind the dress - then pressing kisses all over her neck, nearly all of them hickeys. 
“Fuck the reservation,” he grunted, it was an expensive reservation, but he doesn’t give a fuck: Ryujin’s right under him, begging for him to ravage her taut body. And she replies, “That’s right, that’s right, mister, master!” The end of her sentence was capitalized by Min’s heavy grasp on her breasts.
“That’s right, little bird.” Low grunts against her ears, his thick shaft, covered, grinded against her body, while his mouth assaulted hers.
And she cums, her head turns up, looking wherever - straining her neck - to release her pleasure. “Ngghhh!!!” A heavy whine, so enthusiastically human, straining against the seats that held her back. “Holy shit! That was so amazin-” enough talking, he’d motion, locking mouths together.
Silent moans, “mmmf..” hummed against his tongue, Ryujin was so turned on, and he’d love to fulfill all her wishes. Each rotation of his hip against hers were accentuated by Ryujin’s deep moan, squeaky moans, the moans that she couldn’t hide by covering her mouth. His hand, fixed onto her breasts, finally ventured below, feeling her lithe abdomen - the slightest abs - then letting his hand rest on her pelvis, just above her pussy. 
He finally released himself from the hypnotizing kiss, staring at her body - mostly still covered by the dress: now, that, won’t do. He pulled on the bottom hem of her dress, revealing her wet core, an embarrassed squeak along with it all. “You’re so fucking hot, Jesus,” he had a taste of what her body looked like, and he just can’t get enough. All precaution thrown out the window, the expensive dress was about to be ruined, and Ryujin - ever resourceful - seemed to allow it. He pulled the upper hem of the dress down, breaking the straps that could’ve been removed easily - this is a statement, I own you - Ryujin seemed to get the memo - all beady and begging.
Her soft breasts, creamy, smooth, with pink nubs spilled out from the tight dress. He pressed both his hands, all over her body, exploring the transitions from her taut skin to the scrunched dress, making sure to remember every facet of it all. “How badly do you want it?” He whispered, wholly focused on her body, subtly noticing her wet core, the outline of her pussy growing clearer by the second. And Ryujin didn’t even have to answer the question, locking her legs around his waist, frantically trying to get her hips on his covered shaft - yeah, she’s fiending for it.
And Min, ever the indulgent, gently moved and hovered his hand over her neck, waiting for that confirmation, that wink, that nod - and, Ryujin, calming down from the intense pleasure, nodded. That first grasp, tight, measuring her tolerance, measuring just the moment when the eyes go back to her eyes - and he seemed to completely pinpoint it, that slight spasm of her body, and her inner thighs are just soaked.
Finally, Min decided it’s time to give her sopping cunt some attention. Peeling the layer to the side, wet with the highest arousal, hid her bright pink core - and it, her core, was begging to be sated, pulsing, glistening, beautifully fragrant.
Firstly, he let a single finger prod, then entered. And Ryujin was already shaking, her eyes went straight to the back of her head, and her neck vascularized - all veiny - from the soft choke. It would’ve been too cruel to give her too much pleasure, so he took his hand off her throat, instead, patting her head - letting her know that she's doing so good, so good. 
In and out, motion of the ocean, slick covering his finger the deeper he went, earning the most virile moans out of her cute mouth. “You like that, huh?” He dug deeper, until his knuckle - a loud moan. She had never felt anything like this, her two fingers could never compare, and she’s a virgin after all, and she’s about to get deflowered in the backseat of a car - and, she loves it. 
In a swift motion, where Min continued his manhandling of Ryujin, he pulled his finger out - in a hook motion to agitate her g-spot, earning a girlish yelp - then, let Ryujin taste her own juices on his finger.
“You’re doing so good.” Min whispered, so overly joyed by Ryujin, how her petite body convulsed in pleasures beyond what he could ever imagine.
“I know.” Ryujin replied, defiant to the end. She knew exactly how this inspired him to be rougher - and she loves it. He gripped her waist, gripping harder, letting her firm abdomen mold against his grip, dug deeper into her cunt, placing his thumb over her engorged clit. One. Two. Three motions around her clit, three motions of his finger into her cunt - before she squirted onto the side window, far more girlish yelps, and desperate panting. This time, Min with his wet hand, spread it all over Ryujin’s face - the essence of her arousal, via his hand, spread on her face, where makeup was placed so thoughtfully, only to be ruined by her own squirt. She’s panting amidst all this, unable to process anymore than her overwhelming second orgasm. 
“You’re a fucking mess, Ryujin, cumming this quickly?”
“You made me this way…” She huffed, “you fucking brute.”
This time, all Min does is press against her pelvis - specifically, the pelvic bone, where just below is her g-spot, and the slight pressure, was absolutely deadly. All the while, he declared, “That’s right, little bird. I’ll press you against the seat, face-down, slam into your ass with all the force I can muster - then, when I’m deep, too deep, cervix-level deep, I’ll release all my cum into your precious little womb.”
“Nghhh~~!” And another squirt, where her legs closed together, toes curled, and her head hung back. While Ryujin was trying to recover, Min placed a quick and wet kiss on her lips, but that'd be the only romanticism that Min allowed her. Quickly, he let her sit up, pulling her by her thin wrists. Then, he pulled down his own pants - letting his shaft free from the restraints of his tight clothing, the painful onset of an early blue balls in its conception, that was only fuel to the fire to fuck Ryujin good, and hard.
“Sit on my lap facing me, Ryujin.” He demanded. And no matter how much Ryujin came, squirted, panted, and yelped - she’d always oblige in Min’s demands. She quickly hooked her other leg over him, in a hovered position rather than sitting. This time, he passed his fingers through her wet hair, letting it pass behind her ear, “safe word is Mimetic,” and he earned a soft nod from Ryujin, and consent to batter her sopping, wet, sticky, engorged pussy.
He slithered a hand around her waist, holding her in place; then, placed his other hand around her neck, just on the nape. He pulled her in for one last kiss. The last bit of eye contact before penetration, and all that could be seen in Ryujin’s eyes - beady and all wet from pleasure - was a fiending desire to be fucked silly.
Slowly, he let her descend, right up until his tip kissed her wet folds. She winced from her sensitivity, just from the touch. And that’s when it flashed in her eyes, she wasn’t sure if she was ready, given the fact that she hadn’t told him about her virginity. Before she could realize her thoughts through speech, she felt the intense heat of something foreign entering - something so thick and large - and it wrought every emergency signal in her brain - all of them, positive. “Oh–OH, fuck…” is all that Ryujin squeaked out before he pushed in deeper, feeling her gentle pussy wrap around his shaft - all wet and moist. A constant sizzling whisper could be heard from Ryujin as he buried his cock deeper, until, halfway in, where she let out a deep moan. “Holy fuck,” she moaned again, deeper. Holy fuck is right, her body was so resistant, tight right at the start to the end, yet, the way it also sucked his shaft into its wet folds - Min was already addicted.
“Ryujin, you’re so tight.” He said as he kept nudging Ryujin to move farther down, waiting for her glistening pussy to completely wrap around his shaft - then, eventually, completely devour her in the backseats of his own car. Yet, as he went through it with her, he began clueing in on the note - Ryujin is very.. Too sensitive. Why Ryujin focused on getting herself down, skewering herself on his length - desperately breathing, her chest dilating in and out. Through it all, as Ryujin tried to, adorably, hide her inexperience, Min pressed a compassionate kiss right into her mouth. 
“I love that. The fact that you’re so horny for a virgin.” He whispered against her mouth, breathing hotly, immeasurably hard.
And Ryujin needn’t respond at all, all she needed to do - well, did - was reach out with her tongue for his mouth, with those prey eyes, begging to be taken, testing her fickle fate - a sign that he needed to kiss her, devour her, again and again until hell freezes over. And finally, during the desperate haze of a reunification of mouths, he finally buried himself straight to the hilt, in her pink, glistening, sopping, beautiful core. And slowly, the wet sounds of sex, so blatantly loud in this claustrophobic environment, reverberated inside the car; the wet sounds of her moans covered this hazy atmosphere, coming from her lips that detached from his mouth, streaks of saliva still connecting them both; and that feeling, this mutual feeling of utter bliss, how her back bent - contorted - into every pump.
They couldn’t stop staring at each other, two perverts, two soulmates who couldn’t go for a second without looking at each other. Even when Min pushed up harder, letting his full length pass through her virginal hole, they still maintained that sensual eye contact - that essential eye contact.
“You fuck me so good, Min.” Ryujin said as her two small breasts jolted from every pump, every contraction of his length leaving her one step closer to ruin - until her eyes went back to that dangerous place, that orgasm line. And the resulting pressure, that heavenly pressure, pressed against his shaft so strongly, that his tight-lipped mouth let out a few growls of pleasure, a sign that he’s close to painting her womb in baby batter. 
Ryujin, ever the caretaker, felt the convulsions, and began pressing desperate kisses over his face - anywhere she could reach, whilst patting him on the back. And Min would never admit he liked it, that he loved it, and he didn’t need to admit it, Ryujin already knew. 
And she knew exactly, that this was the final straw that she needed to break before she was filled with his essence, the catalyst of that final convulsion. Min immediately seized, grabbing Ryujin in a bearhug - one that could’ve bruised her - and pumped hard, that final wet sound of sex, before, rope after rope of release entered deep inside her, splashing against her cervix, filling her womb.
“FUCKKK!!” He growled, he hadn’t felt this good since ever. And the same for Ryujin, who cried a leaky yelp, where her last bits of squirt flowed down the slightest nook from their love connection. They were static for a moment, relishing in the deviant copulation they engaged in, where, almost, the condensation of their lovemaking was visible in the air of the car.
“I love you.” She kissed him again, staring all lovey-dovey, as if her pupils had gone and turned into hearts.
“I love you.” He stared at her, happy, smiling.
“I love you more.” She added, exaggerating her laugh, trying to tease.
“I concede.” He replied.
“Heyyy! You’re supposed to say it back!” “I’m more for physical demonstrations. Wanna see?”
“Uh no. Please. It feels like it's about to fall off.” She was mentioning her pussy, all swollen and gummy to the eye.
“I love it, it’s so beautiful.” He replied, fully serious, digging his mouth into her neck, he was absolutely crazy about her.
“Min, I gotta take a shower, you’re being gross-” that’s when Min pressed a finger onto her - still engorged - clit, and proceeded to say, “I’m fucking crazy about you.” 
“Ngh! Stop! Seriously, it’s about to fall off.” Unfortunately, the collected accumulation of their love juices swiftly dripped down as Ryujin jolted back from him touching her clit.
“Isn’t this gonna stain your car until the end of time?” She stared at the significant puddle of who knows what.
“Let it. A commemoration of our intense copulation.”
Ryujin blushed, quickly grabbing the tissues that Min offered her, and wiping off all that she released, her entire lower half, essentially, was wet. And Min got aroused from watching Ryujin cleaning herself - her little winces when she slightly grazed her cunt only adding fuel to the fire. “Clean my cock.” Min demanded, but when Ryujin grabbed the tissues - ready to oblige - he replied, “with your mouth.”
To be continued...
Ahhh, I love cliffhangers. Enjoy waiting for 10 months! (just kidding!)
Honestly, I wanted to take months with this project, but I just can't seem to stop myself (from writing mid stuff).
421 notes · View notes
paradoxbeta · 1 month ago
Note
there is never going to be a normal way to put this but can we see your iterator designs naked
like. just. how'd you design them under their clothes
yeah of course! heres a moon i whipped up
Tumblr media
and now for some talking, because ive thought a bit about clotheless iterator designs:
moon's design was inspired off of the atlas models from boston dynamics (and probably all subsequent iterators i draw will be at least somewhat inspired off the same). theyre pretty handy sources of inspiration considering they look awesome, and since their movement is astonishingly fluid, theyre great models for what sort of joint and limb designs create articulate results. i think its obvious which one had the heaviest hand in inspiring looks to the moon
Tumblr media
moon is an older model so in terms of squishiness (for lack of a better term) there is none except for the face. actually, little related detail, the base of her thumb is not flexible, its essentially a small solid block. if youve ever owned a poseable mannequin hand with an inflexible thumb base you probably know that it can cause issues with fine motion in specific circumstances: its just a hiccup of being an older make. the more recent you go then usually the less bare-bones the designs are, they get filled-out midriffs and more "pinchable" areas. take this guy for example:
Tumblr media
this is old art and there's things here i would do differently now, but note the squishier underarm: that sort of thing (generally) becomes more common the more recent your models are.
another thing that changes over old to new models is the amount of variation in how the body is constructed, at the beginning i imagine there were only a few select tried-and-true "right" ways to do things, but as time goes on and more avenues of construction become available, designing an iterator's puppet becomes more and more of an art form that is influenced more and more by the judgement and creative tastes of the puppet designer(s). paneling becomes more a matter of aesthetic instead of functionality, and you start to see vanity features appear more frequently (like nipple adjacent markings as seen above, lol).
id say that while older models are closer to the atlas models in appearance, the newest iterators would probably bear more resemblance to the cyborg bodies found in the alita: battle angel film
Tumblr media Tumblr media
anyway all of that is to say naked iterators are cool
172 notes · View notes
churipu · 1 year ago
Note
hii ive been obsessed with your work lately and I hope ur doing well! make sure not to overwork yourself!! Anyways can u make a nanami headcanon where s/o comes home late because she’s working overtime but forgets to tell him?
COMING HOME LATE TO NANAMI ₊˚⊹
Tumblr media
featuring. nanami kento x reader
warnings. none
note. haiii nonniee, thank you so much for appreciating my works. it means so much to me <33 i'm sorry this one took so long and i hope you like it, mwah mwah
Tumblr media
i feel like in the relationship, nanami tries to talk you to quit your job before — but you felt like it was kind of unfair if he had to use his money to support you, so you always managed to decline that. even if the male was a bit disappointed at your decision, he didn't want to force you, so he lets you be.
you didn't have a cursed energy; a non-sorcerer. unlike him, you had a simple job of making coffees, alias a barista. the income was not too much, but still enough for the both of you (although nanami always ends up paying for your stuff because he insists).
the job wasn't too tiring, however today was a bit different — the store had gotten a rush hour in the afternoon, not that you were complaining about it as you signed up for the job anyways. and a co-worker had asked you to cover their shift because they had an family emergency.
really, you didn't mind covering for them at all. you were getting an extra for that and it counts — just it meant that you were going to be the closing shift for today, and everyone knows closing up meant it would be a lot of work; especially with the washing, cleaning up, mopping the floors, the coffee machines, everything.
you ended up closing the shop late at night, rushing to your shared apartment with nanami. opening the door in exhaustion, calling out a tired, "i'm home."
"y/n?" nanami appears from the corner, rushing towards you and then cupping your face.
in confusion you blinked at him, wondering what the hell was happening and why was he acting like this?
"you never texted or answered my calls, i was worried," he mumbles out, and it finally dawned upon you that during your shift — it was too busy that you hadn't managed to get to your phone at all. and it was on silent too.
"i'm sorry, baby. i had to cover up for my co-worker's shift, it was my mistake for not telling you," you smiled at him, planting a kiss on his lips.
nanami shook his head, "it's alright, please inform me next time," he kissed your forehead before pulling you into a tight hug, "how was work?"
"you won't believe how busy it is today, surprising. but it was fun, and i'm getting extra paycheck for covering my co-worker's shift!" you marveled out happily, and he gazes down at you fondly, kissing the crown of your head.
"i'm glad then," he mumbles out to you, "if i tell you to stop—"
"still a no from me," you kicked your shoes off and walked towards the living room, sparing him a cheeky smile, "i like working, plus, it's not fair that you have to waste your money for my livings too."
nanami heaves out a sigh, "my money is your money."
but he didn't push on, what mattered is that you enjoy working. nanami will undoubtedly still pay for your things, telling you that you should just save your paychecks incase he goes broke (which will never happen).
Tumblr media
© CHURIPU 2024 , DO NOT COPY OR REPOST ANYWHERE
747 notes · View notes