#nonbinary people menstruate

[trulynamelessworld]

"Menstruation is the only blood not born from violence, and yet it is the one that disgusts you the most."

I think about this image a lot. I first came across it when I was fourteen and just being introduced to feminism via Pinterest. That's right folks, I was radicalized on Pinterest. The place where I now make collages for my future lesbian wedding and collect free sewing patterns. Pinterest made me punk.

This image came to mind again today as I am enduring one of the worst periods of my life. It is currently day eight with no sign of stopping and the pain still comes in hour long waves. I was watching my blood run down the drain of my sink as I washed my hands. I haven't been able to get my mind off politics so my mind wandered, wondering if these American law makers had ever held their wives on the floor of their bathroom while they dry heaved, or gently helped them into the shower, or changed stained sheets from a midnight mishap.

The answer is undoubtedly, no.

They likely pretended it wasn't happening, an ignorance born from the world telling you that you are superior from the day you are born. That the blood spilled from a broken nose builds character, but what comes from your mother, sister, wife, is a defect best kept private.

[frameacloud]

A Masterpost About Long-Acting Reversible Contraceptives (LARCs)

During the upcoming presidency, it is likely that people in the US will lose many options that keep them from getting pregnant (contraceptives). The right-wing Project 2025 is against birth control pills, abortion, emergency contraception, and the government-provided health insurance ("Obamacare," Medicaid, and Medicare) that helps people afford these.

If you or your partner are concerned about the possibility of losing access to those options soon, you can ask your doctor or Planned Parenthood about getting a Long-Acting Reversible Contraceptive (LARC). The two kinds of LARCs are IUDs and the implant. If you get a LARC right now, it can protect you for years, without you having to do anything to maintain it. A LARC isn't permanent, so you can get rid of it if you later decide that you're ready to have a baby.

Hormonal Intrauterine Device: 3, 5, or 8 years of protection, depending on brand

An IUD is a T-shaped object that a nurse or doctor puts into your uterus. It's tiny, just a little more than an inch. The procedure for getting an IUD isn't surgery, it lasts just a few minutes, and it goes much better if you ask for an anti-anxiety medicine and the right type of painkiller.

Hormonal IUDs work because they slowly release progestin. That's the main hormone in birth control pills. Like pills, they can make your periods get lighter or stop, which is helpful for people who need to get rid of cramps and PMS.

Of the brands of them in the US, the FDA currently approves of using Kyleena for up to five years, Liletta for eight, Mirena for eight, and Skyla for three. Kyleena and Skyla are smallest and therefore easiest to insert.

I have more info in my tags about IUDs.

Copper IUDs: 12 years of protection

The other type of IUD is a copper IUD. Instead of changing your hormones, it works because copper makes the place unfriendly to sperm. Another difference is that this kind can make your periods heavier. Its brand name is Paragard. The FDA approves of using it for ten years, but studies show it's still good at twelve or longer. More info in my tags.

The birth control implant: 5 years of protection

It's a rod the size of a matchstick. A nurse or doctor uses an applicator to put it under your skin in your arm. There, it will slowly release progestin to protect you from getting pregnant. It can make your periods get lighter or stop. The FDA approves of using it for three years, but a study shows it's still 100% effective five years later, and so does another study. Its brand name is Nexplanon, which has improvements over the older Implanon, such as being visible on X-ray. More info in my tags.

Some honorable mentions

There are some other contraceptives that last a long time but aren't considered LARCs. The diaphragm and the cervical cap are two kinds of plastic cap that you put on your cervix each time before sex, and you can keep using the same one for two years. The birth control ring, Annovera, lasts one year. Each injection of the birth control shot, Depo-Provera, lasts three months.

Only barrier methods such as condoms, internal condoms, and dental dams can protect against sexually transmitted infections. The right wing wants to stop people from getting condoms, too. That's another problem, but LARCs can help us get through the next four years without unplanned pregnancies.

[burningsolarsystem]

I hate periods. Fucking hate them. But sometimes it feels like I don't have the right to complain. So, I guess imma give some love to those whose symptoms might not get attention.

Obviously, sympathy to those who get debilitating cramps. I'm lucky mine are average.

Shout out to those who have mental disorders who symptoms get worse with their periods. My depression and anxiety always seem to spike when I'm on mine.

Shout out to those with chronic illness who get flare ups and worse symptoms when on their period.

Shout out to those who are like me who get upset stomachs and digestion problems when on their period. I know for me, it feels like having a stomach bug on a good day. I've had times where I've questioned if I ate something bad because my stomach is rolling like it did that one bout of food poisoning I got. (It was minor food poisoning, don't worry)

Shoutout to those who get strong cravings, but I also want to shout out to those who lose their appetite or desire to eat when on their periods. Sometimes, I feel like I'd rather die than eat anything.

Shout out to those who experience hot flashes. I don't get them often, but they suck when I do.

Shout out to anyone who gets a period. There are so many symptoms we don't talk about that make things suck.

Your issues are valid. Even if they aren't the ones mainly talked about. Even if they aren't "severe enough." Even if you can function fine but are still experiencing discomfort. You are valid and your discomfort or pain is valid. You can complain even if you aren't one of the people who get extreme cramps. It's okay. You are valid.

All the love and sympathy to you.

Feel free to reblog with any other symptoms you experience that people don't seem to talk about.

(And sorry if this seems too much like a vent. I am, probably obviously, on my period and suffering.)

[like-it-or-not-i-am-alive]

Tw: menstruation, vent post, parents.

Thinking about how when I was a teen, I had really painful menses. At times, it was so bad that my legs felt like they were tingling, and standing was difficult. I was sent home from school on a number of occasions due to vomiting during my menstruation.

Overall, a really shitty time.

Not only was I frequently told I was being over dramatic, that I just needed to "walk around," eventually restricted from going home or seeing the school nurse... But I was told because I'm trans, it shouldn't be an issue.

My mother told me on a multitude of occasions, "If you're a boy, then you shouldn't be having these issues, huh?"

"Boys don't have these problems."

I hold so much bitterness over the fact that no one ever took me to the doctor for my painful menstruation. My mother told me years later that she didn't believe cramps actually happened during menstruation because she had never had them before. She only began to believe people get cramps when she had some herself, years after I was now missing menses all together.

Sometimes, that bitterness of feeling pain that no one believed me for, out weighs being invalidated. Other times, like now, I see the whole picture and feel so much anger.

The same adults who told me my pain was a lie, told me I was just trying to get attention, or get out of school, are the same ones who told the doctors, "She has a really high pain tolerance, we just know something is wrong when she complains about the head aches!"

Why is it that no one took me to the doctor? Why is it no one believed me when I never complained about pain before? The years of perfect school attendance suddenly questioned when I couldn't stand up from the desk. Was it all for nothing?

Why is it that the people I was supposed to trust the most were the ones who never listened?

Maliciously never listened.

I was punished for having a body that I didn't ask for and feeling a way I couldn't control.

I'm allowed to struggle with my anatomy, trans or not. I'm allowed to feel pain.

To be told I wasn't allowed to express the physical pain I was dealing with because I am transgender is heinous. They laughed when they would say it. I don't care if they thought it was funny. It was a mockery, and they knew it.

I should have been given some support. I should have been given at the VERY LEAST a supportive pat on the back.

I could have dealt with the pain on my own if they had just given me the space to do it. Without the shame and mockery.

Just before my menses went away, they started to believe me. I guess because it had been years at that point.

Even though the only change was that they would let me go lay down rather than be forced to socialize or do their activities. It really made a difference. Sure, it was painful, I was sick and couldn't eat. But it was a million times better than being made to continue as usual and burden everyone with my inability to function.

It still irks me.

[flintoaster]

Why the FUCK does only one womens bathroom stall have a trashcan 🤦

[tatersgonnatate]

Dear my crotchety crotchal region,

Can you not right now?

With absolutely no love,

Me

[frameacloud]

Gabriella Ferlita (February 23, 2024). "A third of trans men can ovulate after undergoing gender-affirming treatment, study finds." PinkNews. https://www.thepinknews.com/2024/02/23/do-trans-men-on-testosterone-ovulate/

tl;dr: This is about transgender men and other transmasculine people who had been on T for at least a year, and had stopped having a period. A third of these people continue to ovulate while they are on T, even though they don't have a period. The type or amount of T doesn't matter, so we don't know why this happens for some people and not others. It's more proof that being on T doesn't protect someone from getting pregnant. People who don't want to get pregnant need to use actual birth control or other methods of contraception.

Here's the full text of the study that the news article is about:

Joyce D. Asseler, Julieta S. del Valle, Susana M. Chuva de Sousa Lopes, Marieke O. Verhoeven, Mariette Goddijn, Judith A.F. Huirne, Norah M. van Mello (February 22, 2024). "One-third of amenorrheic transmasculine people on testosterone ovulate." Cell Reports Medicine 5, 101440. DOI:https://doi.org/10.1016/j.xcrm.2024.101440 https://www.cell.com/cell-reports-medicine/fulltext/S2666-3791(24)00063-6

[hazelfoureyes]

would Alastor have sex with a girl on her period? I feel like he’d like it cuz the blood but I wanted to ask the expert ❤️❤️

EXPERT?! Look what you did!

Hazel imagines….

Alastor would see your fidgeting, the way you crossed your legs and squirmed in your seat while listening to people talk around you.

He’d catch you in the hall, twirling his microphone staff, “Why the pout?”

You’d frown, “It’s personal, Alastor.”

“Ah so it’s related to your menstruation.” He said it too casually, you stopped so quickly he nearly fell forward when he stopped too. Alastor read your face, “Smell, dear. I’ve got quite an impressive nose.”

Mortified, “Everyone can smell me?”

He shrugged leaning against his staff, “Who knows? I didn’t care to ask.”

Your eyes looked to the left and down, “That almost makes it worse.”

“As much as I love guessing games,” his eyeroll said he did not in fact love guessing games, “care to clue me in to what we’re talking about?”

“It’s per-,” you couldn’t finish.

“A broken record is no fun, darling.” He closed the distance between you, “I can smell many things. So why not be forthright with it, hmm?” His head cocked to the side, a flash of his threatening radio dial eyes beaming down at you.

“My partner wont touch me, but I’m when I’m on my period I get so -,”

“Aroused.”

His blunt reply with that high toned accent was a punch to your gut, “Yeah. I already feel like shit and they wont even let me in bed with them.” Your chin quivered, emotions sensitive.

Alastor lifted your downcast face with the rounded back of his microphone, tutting, “Has the hotel run out of towels?”

You shook your head, confused.

“No more hot water?”

Another shake.

“Well I don’t see the problem then.” His face leaned down, back curving to lower to your much shorter height, “I’ve never shied away from getting a little bloody.”

༻Masterlist༺

I think if he was down to fuck for whatever reasons he had, the embarrassment reader had of their period would just enhance his enjoyment. If they weren’t embarrassed, he’d still not be offended by the sight and smell of blood, quite nostalgic if nothing else. 👀

∰ Summoning the Horny Little Deer Cult (general tag list):

@cxrsedwxrlds , @nonetheartist , @tsunaki , @janchei , @wettiny-in-smutland , @moonmark98 , @hoebihoeshi , @pansexual-opera-house , @polytheatrix , @lorddiabigmommymilkers , @backinthefkingbuildingagain , @harley2223-blog , @coffee-colored-hopeless-romantic , @poinappel , @midnightnoiserose , @spookieroz , @missmidorima , @ivebeenthearchersstuff , @downbadforfictionalppl , @xx-all-purpose-nerd-xx , @sleepylittledemon , @aether-th3-enby , @dontfuckbutimfab , @breathlessaura , @aperfectidiot , @certainlygay , @jth12 , @star-kujo-platinum ,

@ivebeenthearchersstuffn, @rubyninja1 , @simphornies , @alleystore , @readergirlstuff , @berry-demon , @chirimeimei , @fairyv-ice , @olive-frog , @thonethatflies620 , @tiredkiwiii , @ilikemyteawithmilk , @whateverlololo , @psipies , @howabouticallyou , @roxxie-wolf , @ive-no-idea-what-to-call-this , @fizzled-phoenix , @fjorjestertealeaf , @phobophobular , @surusurusuru , @mariaclarade-la-cruz1 , @whateverlololo , @simplyonehellofanotaku , @xixflower , @i-am-nonbinary-bean-deal-with-it , @roxxie-wolf , @a-case-of-attachment , @multifandomfanatic02 , @watereddownmilk , @raynerrold , @crazii-saber-wolf , @valkyrie-expeditions , @bontensbabygirl , @sillyb0nez , @oo0lady-mad0oo , @jazzmasternot , @pseudobun , @fraugwinska✨, @alitaar , @straows , @alastorssimp , @angelicwillows , @b-o-n-e-daddy , @one-and-only-tay , @asleeponelmstreet , @tremendoushearttaco , @mutifandomkid , @sapphirecaelis , @itzzzkiramylove  @saccharine-nectarine , @viannasthings

@looking1016 , @ultimate-duck-king-lucifer , @blakeaha , @astraechos , @sailorsmouth /

[our-trans-punk-experience]

Shout out to the following tonight

Gay men with short hair

Autistic nonbinary whimsigoths

Anyone who has pirated media in the last 48 hrs

People who have gotten clean from active addiction

Dykes with noodle gfs

Noodle gfs

Lesser Elseworld Entities and minor faelords

The Void

People who want a long cry, a good wank, a strong drink, or possibly all three

The spider in the corner of the bathroom (any bathroom or spider)

Anyone still waiting for me to release the HOW To Make a Punk Jacket post. It's getting there

People menstruating against their will

My cat, provided he stops biting me

[frameacloud]

Image description: A box of tampons, still sealed in their original wrappers. Description ends.

Can I safely stop my period forever?

Someone asked us:

Is there a way I can stop my period safely that won’t make me permanently infertile?

Yep, totally! A bunch hormonal birth control methods can make your periods lighter, shorter, or completely gone while you use it — without messing up your ability to get pregnant later on when you’re ready.

Some of the methods that can take credit for making your period disappear are:

The Mirena, Skyla, or Liletta IUDs: these IUDs deliver a low-dose of hormones to prevent pregnancy. Many hormonal IUD owners stop having their periods altogether within 6 months of getting one put in. *Note that this is NOT true of the ParaGard (copper) IUD, which doesn’t have hormones.

The implant: Like the IUDs listed above, once you have this birth control method put in, you’re getting a low dose of hormones all the time, which means your period may stop within a few months. Within 1 year of using it, 1 in 3 people stop having their period.

The shot: Many shot-users stop having their periods after several months of using the shot. Within 1 year of using it, about half of people stop having their period.

The pill or ring: You can use these methods continuously without breaks to skip your period either every now and then, or all the time. With the pill, you just skip the placebo (sugar) pills and move right to the next pack. For the ring, you can just keep it in for 4 weeks at a time and then just replace your ring every month without a break or ring-free week.

It’s normal to get some random spotting with these methods, and there’s no way to totally guarantee that you’ll 100% lose your period. However, the hormones in all of these methods are known to make periods lighter and shorter. So if you do end up having periods while you’re using one of these methods,  they’ll be easier to deal with.

Ready to give your period the boot? Visit your nearest Planned Parenthood health center to find the right method for you.

-Emily at Planned Parenthood

[reasonsforhope]

"Spain’s Catalonia region rolled out a pioneering women’s health initiative [at the beginning of March, 2024] that offers reusable menstruation products for free.

About 2.5 million women, girls, transgender and nonbinary people who menstruate can receive one menstrual cup, one pair of underwear for periods and two packages of cloth pads at local pharmacies in northeast Spain free of charge.

The Catalan government said that the initiative, which is called “My period, my rules,” was meant to “guarantee the right to menstrual equity.” The regional government cited statistics that said 23% of women polled by Catalonia’s public opinion office said they had reused hygiene products designed for a single use for economic reasons.

Tània Verge, Catalonia’s regional minister for equality and feminism, called the program a “global first.”

Scotland’s government passed a law in 2020 to ensure period products are available for free to anyone who needs them. But in comparison with the Catalan program, in Scotland the products are for single use and are distributed through schools, colleges and universities, not pharmacies.

“We are fighting menstrual poverty, which affects one in four women in Catalonia, but is also about gender justice. We are fighting the stereotypes and taboos about menstruation,” Verge told The Associated Press. “And (...) it is about climate justice. We need to reduce the tons of waste generated by single-use menstrual products.”

The distribution of reusable products is also aimed at reducing waste. The regional government said that Catalonia produces about 9,000 tons of waste from single-use menstrual hygiene products.

The reusable products are acquired by the public health care system, which covers the entire population, and distributed by Catalonia’s 3,000-plus private pharmacies. The program cost the regional government 8.5 million euros ($9.2 million).

“I am completely in favor of this initiative,” 29-year-old graphic designer Laura Vilarasa said. “It will give women a product that is absolutely necessary to have for zero cost.”

Spain’s national government passed a law last year granting women with debilitating menstrual pain the right to paid medical leave."

-via AP News, March 5, 2024

[genderqueerdykes]

ik there's a lot of examples of why transandrophobia is "valid/real" and whatever. but I think one that stands out to me is when people make comments like "men shouldn't rest or feel safe until menstruation products are free/men have 0 say in any laws surrounding uteruses/men can't ever know what it's like to be a *insert traumatic experience commonly happening to young girls*" and stuff of the like. just conversations that ignore a large portion of the tmen/masc communities existence (and probably some intersex folk too yh?? and enbies who are like man-aligned or js like. yeah transandrophobia effects a lot of ppl) and experiences and I'm like. so what word do I use to describe this? "just use transphobia" what if I want a word to describe my unique experiences for once that isn't an incredibly broad one for the whole community?? Maybe I want one that quickly describes this unique forgeting tmen exist completely js so you can angrily yell at men without repercussions.

what if I'm sick of yelling "transphobia!" just to be told "oh... no I'm talking about CIS men" as if I'm not actually a man, that cis men are more man than I will ever be and like this is a good thing. or being told I'm being hostile and are proof testosterone makes you evil. what do I call it then. you can't separate the man from trans, I'm a TRANS. MAN. and I deserve a word to describe the things I've experienced just like transfems and transwomen and nonbinary people without being told I'm "speaking over anyone"

idk, food for thought maybe infighting and attacking your own community isn't the way forward. maybe hating men, trans or not, will never be the liberating progressive feminist movement you think it is. maybe just maybe hate is not something you're immune to just because you're hated. maybe we all need to calm the fuck down and revaluate some shit and process our own bigotry /nay

this is a great ask, thanks for taking the time to send this, i appreciate you for telling your story and giving feedback. this is the exact reason i made a post a few days ago about how we have to stop holding back on having genuine conversations about queer experiences and the diversity and struggles transness bring. no trans person has it easy. none. we all suffer because cisheteronormative patriarchy hates the concept of transness. it hates trans men and mascs too

just conversations that ignore a large portion of the tmen/masc communities existence (and probably some intersex folk too yh?? and enbies who are like man-aligned or js like. yeah transandrophobia effects a lot of ppl) and experiences and I'm like. so what word do I use to describe this? "just use transphobia" what if I want a word to describe my unique experiences for once that isn't an incredibly broad one for the whole community?? Maybe I want one that quickly describes this unique forgeting tmen exist completely js so you can angrily yell at men without repercussions.

This entire line of thinking has been so pointlessly rude for no reason this entire time. This is legitimately one of the dumbest, pettiest things I have ever seen in my life and I'm saying it like it is: trans women and transfems do not own the concept of having a specific kind of oppression when it comes to transness. Whether or not you want to accept that trans men are also oppressed under patriarchy isn't our business. But it's the truth. And getting upset because transmascs and men wanted to coin "transandrophobia," what exactly is that solving? Genuinely how is that talking over trans women.

what if I'm sick of yelling "transphobia!" just to be told "oh... no I'm talking about CIS men" as if I'm not actually a man, that cis men are more man than I will ever be and like this is a good thing. or being told I'm being hostile and are proof testosterone makes you evil. what do I call it then. you can't separate the man from trans, I'm a TRANS. MAN. and I deserve a word to describe the things I've experienced just like transfems and transwomen and nonbinary people without being told I'm "speaking over anyone"

Absolutely, you and every other transmasc and trans man and related person deserve to be able to discuss your struggles and experiences. Let's have an honest conversation about it for once. Creating a term, and thus a space and forum where people can go to to have a conversation, share experiences and identify with one another means that there is now a dedicated space to having that conversation. That space is not built directly on top of transfem and trans woman spaces. It is built beside it, laterally. This means that if people want to talk about the specific forms of transphobia trans men, transmascs, and some intersex, nonbinary, genderqueer, genderfluid, bigender, agender and other queer people, there is a specific space to do it, reducing the amount of people who are in specifically transfeminine spaces talking about struggles that are not the same.

Having different terms is a very good thing because it means that people who share the same experiences can come together. This means that trans men and mascs now have a place to talk that lowers the chances of them accidentally or even intentally talking over trans women and transfems. This has never been a bad thing. It's a good thing. If transfems and women get to make specific spaces for ourselves, so are transmascs and trans men. They don't have to "just use transphobia". What they're experiencing is unique to them and you don't have the right to tell them what they are and are not experiencing.

If you as a trans woman or transfem do not want to hear about how transmascs and trans men have it, please feel free to go to spaces that are focused around transfems and trans women where you can talk about the similar experiences you have. Don't take our space away from us just because you don't want to listen, though. Trans men still deserve to be able to talk. You don't have to shut up trans men in order for trans women to be heard.

[nrc-counselor]

Since this discussion has been going around recently and has revealed a fair few instances of transphobia in this fandom that I wanted to my point clear: I despise the trope that "everyone finds our Yuu is a girl" because a lot of people who are writing it unintentionally embed their work with transphobia.

And while I know I do not have enough followers for this to actually make a change, I want to explain what I mean so maybe someone will think about how they write this trope.

More often then not, this idea that Yuu is a girl is inherently attached to them being cis with this revelation occurring through them either menstruating or people realizing they have boobs (yes I've seen this one a fair few times) instead of the fact that Yuu just identifies as a girl.

Ignoring my other views on this trope, assigning girlhood or proving Yuu is a girl by claiming their sex or aspects of their sex is what defines that is a problem and a big one. Not all afab people are women nor do they identify as such. Someone being able to menstruate, have boobs, or even have a vagina does not make them a woman no matter what. Similarly someone being amab does not make them a man or mean they must identify as one.

By putting this idea up that Yuu is a girl and that her proof being a girl is her being afab or her menstruating, two things occur. For the menstruation as proof of girlhood, this unintentionally attaches menstruation to girlhood or as proof you are a girl which as explained above borders closer on transphobia than people realize. This also implies there are no other afab people at NRC aka no trans men or nonbinary people who would need the same products, and I only mention this because there are a few instances in these stories where period products are unable to be found in the nurses office because "NRC is a boys school" which isn't this gotcha people think it is.

2) I cannot say this enough but attaching boobs or having a vagina as what makes you a women is not only transphobic but borders on misogyny in ways that we need to talk about. Your sex does not always define your gender.

As we get to the end of this discussion, I want to be clear in saying that I don't think the people writing these are transphobic. I honestly believe a lot of people are writing it this way because they are cis and have never had to or thought to separate their gender from their sex. As a result of never having to question it, I think they do not realize they are writing it this way.

Additionally, I am not saying your Yuu has to be gender neutral or can't be a cis women. Do what you want: your ocs are not my ocs and I have no control over them. What I am saying is that if you are making x readers which are intended to include as much of your audience as possible, please think of your trans and nonbinary readers. I am not saying that you can't have Yuu go through menstruation or write a one shot about it. You can! Hell, I can give recommendations for those.

All I am asking for is that if you are going to write a piece that uses the "everyone finds out Yuu is a girl" trope then please take my advice and look it over and consider if any of this stuff is unintentionally transphobic. I know I can't stop you from writing that and I am not trying to. I am just trying to share my voice and concerns about it as a trans person because as of late, people have not been taking them seriously especially in this fandom

[frameacloud]

Buck E, McNally L, Jenkins SM. (Updated May 24, 2023). "Menstrual Suppression." In: StatPearls (Internet). Treasure Island (FL): StatPearls Publishing. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK592411/

tl;dr: This article is all about ways to stop someone's menstrual period, the effects of doing so, and reasons why people choose to do that. Periods can be distressing for transmasculine people. Taking puberty blockers (GnRH agonists) or testosterone can stop their periods. Neither of these stop them from being able to get pregnant. Transgender children can start taking puberty blockers before their first period, so that they won't get one. Other methods of stopping periods are taking birth control and other contraceptives.

[anamericangirl]

Kinda crazy how trans people not only want to control how we perceive them (trans woman/man, nonbinary instead of male or female) but they also want to control how we perceive ourselves (chestfeeder, menstruater, birther, penis haver, etc). And how identifying just as a man or woman instead of forcing us to identify as a cis man or cis woman sets them off.

Respect their pronouns and their identity and at the same time change how we identify and our perception of ourselves to be more inclusive to them because if we don't conform 100% to their will and give them everything they want it's literally genocide.

[doberbutts]

I think the terms TMA/TME work best when they're used as rules of thumb, rather than expected to function as strict categories. They're often helpful, but occasionally they can become obfuscatory, and there are edge cases where they can't be neatly applied. In those cases, they should be set aside, but with an understanding that they will be brought back into conversations when helpful.

To give a personal perspective - I'm a trans masc individual who has, upon occasion, experienced misdirected transmisogyny. I was on T for 5 years, then came off it (partly due to health problems, partly due to starting to identify as nonbinary rather than as a man) and began presenting in a more feminine manner, and people would regularly mistake me for a trans woman.

When people thought I was a trans woman, I did notice an increase in hostility, harassment and unwelcome advances from strangers. Groups of men would shout at me in the street, mothers would glare at me and physically pull their children further away from me if I came near. I also started getting catcalled and couldn't enjoy a night out in a club without being groped. I'd experienced some of these things as a trans man and as a girl, but probably never at such a high frequency or so intensely.

I definitely think I got a taste of transmisogyny and people do still assume I'm trans fem from time to time. But I still wouldn't describe myself as TMA. I don't shout it from the rooftops, but if it feels relevant in the context of a conversation, I will say I'm TME. Because I think the terms are about overarching dynamics, rather than whether or not an individual has ever faced a single instance of transmisogyny.

For me, there was always a sense of distance between myself and any negative experience, that came from knowing they'd misread my AGAB - "that lad just called me a chick with a dick! How funny! I'd be so lucky!" / "You're harassing me for using the female showers at the gym when I am literally menstruating. Are you going to stop being a creep, or do I have to show you my bloody tampon?" There's a degree to which I can sidestep or disavow their idea of me in a manner trans women can't.

I also don't know what it's like to deal with many other elements of transmisogyny, or deal with it as an overarching narrative in one's life rather than a freak episode.

I think it's fair to say I have at times been a grey area and I could use my experiences to argue against the validity of TME/TMA, but I don't want to do that. I don't like it when the terms are just used as a way to say AFAB/AMAB while being perceived as less problematic. But I think it is helpful to have little shorthand reminders about specific power dynamics that do have an impact in our communities. I have absolutely seen transmisogyny play out in queer spaces, both online and IRL, and I think it's worth having vocabulary that emphatically reminds people to check themselves and to not assume they don't have internalised bias against trans women just because they're trans masc.

Trans women are a boogeyman in popular culture and the collective unconscious in a way trans men never have been (at least, not to anything like the same extent). Trans women face an intensity of monstering that I think most people won't understand unless they spend a lot of time sharing space with and listening to trans women. The rapid adoption of TMA/TME feels like an attempt to fast-track that understanding en masse. Maybe it's a bit clumsy, but I do think it's having an impact and important conversations are happening. I don't know if the terms will stick or fall out of use. Having been in the trans community for over a decade and seeing how our vocabularies evolve, I'm inclined to think they'll stick around for a few years and then largely disappear. But I feel that while trans women are finding them useful, we need to be respectful of that fact.

Idk sorry to rant in your askbox, I wanted to give my two cents. Feel free to ignore lol

I'm going to be a bit blunt here: in the span of time I've been off tumblr to, you know, sleep... I've gotten 20 different asks trying to convince me to like the usage of tma/tme and also several transphobic asks about my top surgery. The transphobic ones I blocked and deleted because I'm literally 3 weeks out and will not be dissuaded. But I'm simply not willing to continue arguing a point I've made very clear that I don't love the usage of this particular theory the way it's currently being used.

You can like it for yourself. I have said this over and over again. I do not like it for me, and do not think it is accurate for my life or my experiences or the reality that is what I have to go through on a regular basis. True to everything else that I've posted, I don't really care what you call yourself. If you want to call yourself TME and you believe that framework works for your experience, more power to you. Just don't label me that, because I don't think it works for mine.

Trans women are absolutely a boogeyman in a way that trans men often aren't. That is, unfortunately, one of the ways that hypervisibility is such a curse. Everyone knows what a trans woman is, and a good majority of those people also think the only good one's a dead one. That's bad. That's transmisogyny, and we should ally with trans women to help fix this problem.

Also unfortunately, as trans men become more and more visible to the world, instead of facing mass erasure and dying in silence or escaping to live in stealth, trans men are also beginning to become a boogeyman as well. Now we are a social contagion, a craze, with rapid onset gender dysphoria, mutilating ourselves and ruining our precious bodies, carving out our wombs, simultaneously debasing ourselves and also becoming predators lurking to snatch daughters up and forcefeed them our ideology, betraying women by becoming a mockery of men. What's worse, we tend to politically close ranks with trans women and cis women alike so it's harder for transphobic lawmakers to divide and conquer as they're used to with cis men, so instead they have to demonize us to prevent any further allyship.

That's the conversation trans mascs are trying to have.

Genuinely, I do agree that trans women face an othering that most people do not grasp without understanding transmisogyny theory, which is why I think everyone should have at least a basic understanding of it. But I also think that's true of many other demographics, and that if we want to get out of the pit that bigoted society put us in, we've got to work together to do so. It was, after all, the combined efforts of Marsha P Johnson AND Storme de Laverie that brought us out in the open. And among me friend group, we have people from all different races and backgrounds and genders and more locking arms to ensure the safety of each other, wanting to understand and know each other, lifting each other up.