#noises with head pain!!!
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just had this thought of like . slipping on a sheet of ice and hurting your leg really badly to the point that you’re just sniffling into suguru’s neck when the paramedics arrive and he has to literally restrain himself from not snarling when they try to pull you away from him ….. because you’re in pain and you’re clinging to him and you need him. you don’t want to let go. he knows he has to but it makes him feel sick to his stomach he’s just sitting with you as they drive you to the hospital and holding your hand </3
#you’re just inconsolable from the pain and clinging to him with all you have and the scared whine you let out when they try to tug you away#makes his heart break#like actual visceral pain . actual stomach nausea#he goes insane in the head also#he hates seeing you in pain more than Anything but not being able to soothe it ???? he is spiralling#the recovery period would be so sweet but he would also . be traumatized#has nightmares about the snap of your bone ………..#T_T#ari noises ✩
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I had a shrink appointment today and while I could not see it I knew my doc was going through the five stages of grief while I explained my fool proof strategy for doing my t shots despite a crippling fear of needles: By abusing my vastly more crippling fear of being an inconvenience.
My mother and I play phasmophobia together every week. she usually has a pretty limited time to do this bc she's like. a doctor and a college professor whos always busy. So I asked her to just. hold me to doing them. We don't start playing until the shot is done. so my needle fear doesn't matter because now it's Wasting™ her time and I have to do it quick. Using one neurosis to defeat another.
It's a horrible coping mechanism because it's feeding the inconvenience fear, but it is definitionally a coping mechanism.
#im a 'has a panic attack during every injection or iv theyve ever gotten' type of scared of needles#no it genuinely has nothing to do with pain the needle itself is the fear not the using of it#like i told this story before but i have these sewing pins with lil bow ties on them and i had to get my dad to take all the blue ones out#because they were triggering the same part of my brain iv needles do#just the sight of them with the rest of my cute sewing pins was a problem#And the fear of being an inconvenience is so bad i cant eat around people or be in crowded spaces or talk at get togethers#without being paralyzed by fear of Being In The Way. its so bad ive been avoiding using my power chair bc it makes me take up#slightly more space than i would just standing. and i never took my manual out and about because i moved too slowly in it#and i dont take my crutches on planes despite using them everyday bc they cant fold up like my cane can and so are In The Way#one of the big reasons i dont use the chairs in stores is they have back up alarms. and i hate making noises in public#Yes this is part of the reason i want a Rottweiler for my service dog because i want people to look at the doggie Not Me.#I like people! i like being friendly and talking and making little connections with strangers!!! But i cant be the one to initiate or#be In The Way of a peaceful moment#dont look at me#this is also a big issue i have with making friends or changing the nature of a relationship because like. im autistic#I have Rules for social interactions memorized that i will follow. but moving people from one category to another#is difficult. It is too the point i had problems for litteral years talking to my boyfriend as though#he was a person i knew well and cared deeply for because i kept using the 'rando guy im flirting with on the Internet' script#I have commissioners i want to be friendlier with but my brain says No Stop that is an Impolite and Overly informal way to talk to#a customer™ despite them not being customers when they arnt in the commission process#im like thise huskies who are scared of carpet because its Different than the floor they're currently standing on#its Too different:(#and to be clear i am Completely aware of how none of this makes logical sense and is in fact deeply self destructive#That does not fix it. it is so ingrained in my head that im certain i could convince my brain to let me bite off my own fingers#before i could convince it to let me talk to someone at a help desk or ask my order be corrected at a restaurant
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Sophie Oliveira-Shepard Alenko-Oliveira and Kaidan Alenko-Oliveira - ME3 (3/?) "What would I do without you?" "You'll never have to find out." Mass Effect 3: Legendary Edition (2021)
#mira makes gifs ✨#sophie shepard#kaidan alenko#shenko#mass effect#mass effect 3#me3#dailygaming#otp: you’re real enough for me#i've got shenko on the brain this week so i'm back with more gifs :) carlot this time baby!#this set is just a little bit important to me since carlot was the first thing i ever made gifs of :)#and it's cool to see how different soph looks in the like... year it's been since the last time i made gifs of it#how much closer i've been able to get her to the version of her that exists in my head and put that actually in game. it's nice for me :)#ANYWAYS - THE RANT (as usual)#the reason why soph doesn't have a lot of banter is because her brain fritzed out when kaidan showed up in infiltrator armor :)#that's the set she always wears so her brain started making dial up noises when he showed up with it on :)#something something thigh holster arms and definitely ass#conversely kaidan also flipped his shit when showed up in thigh high boots and a leather jacket#it's just the spider-man pointing meme of them losing their shit at what the other person is wearing and trying to focus but failing#kaidan's little nickname comment is because she has a very specific nickname for him that she always uses :)#it's bússola :) compass in portuguese since that's what she got her little tattoo behind her ear for :)#i've always hc'ed the citadel DLC as after TRW. this is probably pretty soon after it with cat-6 wanting to move in during recovery efforts#and something something soph chops all her hair off during her recovery for undisclosed reasons#anywho carlot isn't the most canon since they meet up earlier together and dom is the one they meet on the carlot but i love carlot so :)#we're going to pretend that kaidan is carrying her cobra since giving him his eagle was a pain in the save i used for this lmao#i’ll stop using the tags as my canon TEDtalk space now :) have a good day like always friend 💙
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so for the second time in my life i was half asleep when it felt like someone smashed a plate over the back of my head 😐 the last time it happened was like two years ago. can anyone explain to me What the Fuck
#it wasn't painful exactly bc it was over too fast but it made my whole body jump#and it felt like i could hear the noise#my head is fine now but seriously what the fuck
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finally dragged myself at least part of the way out of my pit of despair only for my jaw pain to start up again. sick.
#i actually can't catch a fucking break!!!!#barely slept. couldn't get BACK to sleep. finally had to cave and crawl out of bed#i am in sensory hell i hurt sm that i'm so close to crying and i'm extra sensitive to noise#but i can't put in my earplugs or wear my headphones bc the pain goes right up the side of my head#so i just have to rawdog all the sounds of the apartment and adgjgkahfsh#complaining so i don't just fucking scream!!! sorry for being the most annoying on the dash lately!!!!#i'll be around if i can get even a little bit comfortable at some point but i can't focus on anything rn ajdkhdkg#━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ ooc ⋮ don’t @ me.#negative cw#personal cw
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#and i SADDLE UP MY PONYTA AND I RIDE INTO THE SIT-TAY#I MAKE A LODDA NOISE CUZ THE GURLS THEY R SO PRETAY#RIDIN' UP N DOWN BROADWAY ON MY OLD STUD LEROY AND THE GIRLS SAY:#SAVE A RAPIDASH RIDE A MEOWBOY!!!#JOHN WAYNE AINT GOT NUTHIN ON MY FRINGE GAME HELL NO!!!!#well stranger don't ya know i'd like to be yer friend... IF I HAD THE TIME TO STAAAAAAY.#BUT I'M A BRAMBLIN A BLOWIN IN THE WIND. I'VE GOT TO CATCH ANOTHER STAAAAAAAAGE.#I STRAP ON MY GUITAR JUST LIKE A FORTY FIVE. I PRAY EACH NIGHT MY AIM IS TRUUUUEEEE#and ACQUAINTANCES TURN TO FRIENDS I HOPE THOSE FRIENDS THEY REMEMBER ME#HOLD THE NIGHT FOR RANSOM AS WE KIDNAP THE MEMORIES#NOT SURE THERES A WAY TO EXPRESS WHAT U MEANT TO ME#SOMETIMES I GET TO THINKIN BOUT SETTLIN' DOWN. FADE OFF INTO A MEMORY.#BUT EVERY NIGHT THAT I STEP OUT TO FACE THE CROWD?#I KNOW THIS IS THE LIFE FOR MEEEEEEE#pokemon#meowth#ok context. to whomever it may concern. which is no one but idc i have a lot to say and no one to say it to#first off heres my like bi-annual post bc i 1. only draw f*rdekyl* and fucking detest f*re *emblem fans with a burning passion#so i hate sharing my 'art' . so heres a rare non-fk thing. bc i also hate social media as a whole it makes me sue of side all#but like 2. i have deliberately avoided scar/vio bc its a BAD GAME. and its not made well. also i know 'open world' formats#trigger my ocd. which it did exactly. but thats mostly irrelevant. but in anycase. i bit the bullet bc i was in a pkmn mood#esp after my long beloved n*te and dook*ie gave me a hankering for a pkmn game again#and my lil bro accidentally bought 2 copies years ago so i was like fck it ill give it a shot its Free#and yes the game is dogshit. however. everytime i see a meowth in the wild i lose my mind.#his jaunty little yee-haw walk kills me every time. i adore him. thus this was inspired.#alright imma head out i fucking hate this website as well as every other social media . maybe ill draw something non-fk in like a year#see ya in like a year maybe if i live that long. which i wouldnt count on bc tbh this year has been BAD in terms of my pain. im on the#EXTREME decline and can BARELY draw anymore. i want to die. i got nothin left. it just keeps getting worse so adios!#:(
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I know I'm kinda into venture at the moment but like I just GOTTA TALK ABOUT LINDY REAL QUICK ESPECIALLY AFTER FINDING OLD ART OF THE TWO THAT KINDA RELATES TO THIS POST...
When memories snow by mitski but with survived Cindy au where she manages to escape and tries to forget about Leland by blanking out all the memories she had with him but will always be haunted with the memory of him yelling out for her as she ran away letting him die
#The chainsaw noises and sound of his spine mixed with his agonizingly yells of pain echoing in her head#giggles and passes out#we need a survivor cindy design now#in the game the way i wanted her to die was with her head literally being split open by Leatherfaces chainsaw right in front of her brother#ohhhh how i love her...#cindy you are always famous to me#my scared country gal who blames herself 💔#can you tell im listening to mitski#is it obvious
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heres the torture scene I've been looping. it's so viv n vex experimenting on emizel and i was encouraged not only to say that but phrase it that way by several people. take my hand and join my Perfect World
#i make yet anothet post just for me 👍#tw manipulation#tw emotional abuse#tw abuse#tw blood#heed the warnings but it's more fucked up fun than anything . But They Are Here For A Reason#hyperventilating and visceral pain noises ahead#same with audio gore#loads of it#tw gaslighting#okay i think I've covered my bases. Enjoy because this is fun seriously#When I sent it to cayden she lost it with me and now we are gonna listen to the whole thing together#And I am HYPEEEDDDD#The voice in his head is shilo to me. Btw#vex is the one torturing since he's so fucking arrogant and speaks Like That#and viv is the one doing the real damage
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#thought I had a retinal detachment today#because a few hours after I got back to my hotel from the archive#before I had a meeting with one of my advisors over Zoom#my vision on the right side started having little sparks#then began to fully degrade into blackness/something almost like TV static?#I got through the hour long meeting and it was actually very good#but I began to have tightness across my forehead and shooting pains in the back of my head a few minutes before it started#full blown migraine by the time it ended#and instead of doing fun Bayonne things#I got to spend my evening laying on the floor muffling my screams in a pillow and throwing up#grateful it wasn’t a retina issue. less grateful I now have a shitty new aura symptom#I honestly don’t know how Charlie did it as a drummer#the constant very loud noises and flashing lights must have made that poor man so sick sometimes#not the stones#me stuff
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I can’t even imagine living without anxiety. Like. How. What?
#I mean if I woke up tomorrow with a normal amount of anxiety it would be a shocking difference to my daily life. and I am medicated!!! like.#what? am I missing something here?#my mom tells me that meds can only do so much and that they’re really just meant to make it so you can get out of bed every day#but now I’m wondering like is that true or is that my mom is on the wrong dose herself and something could be done to help us both#gahhhhh idk I just feel helpless bc I’m scared of making big changes and the big changes have to make are scary and large and I need a#bulleted list made of things I can do (and break down into very small steps) to actually progress in a positive way in my life instead of#being SO afraid and SO stagnant. it’s been six months since (ptsd diagnosis causing thing) and I don’t feel like I’ve made any progress even#with a therapist. I’m working towards a more intensive program but I feel like it’s almost making me feel more alienated bc I’d have to like#go be surrounded by other mentally ill people and medical people which brings dad dying trauma and like I know I’m running from it bc I’m#afraid to face the changes I need to make and the feelings that are going to come up but fuck man can’t I get some fucking meds that make#this easier to deal with!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! grief and ptsd and long term isolation and anxiety and chronic pain like fuck it’s#so exhausting!!!! I feel like I’m fucking fighting thru life and then from the outside it’s like I’m doing nothing cause I stay in my room#and get stoned and play animal crossing and watch tv and cry and over eat and sometimes I drive around in circles so I can scream sing until#my throat burns and I get a headache and everything finally quiets down in my head for a second. I know I look like I’m doing nothing and#that’s because I am doing nothing but waiting for the next time a mental health professional will talk to me for an hour like it’s so sad#anyways. you ever take a big dab and then start crying and type all of this like it’s an epiphany even tho it’s things you already know.#honestly crying in front of the air conditioner is so slay slight breeze over my face cooling the tears the white noise calming me down
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I literally feel like I’ve finally lost it and im so fucking done If im just going to be completely honest
#dog talk#nothing fucking. ugh#I don’t feel like anything anymore none of this makes sense to me and I just keep attacking myself and my surroundings#everything is nothing at all. its all just shreds of hope#everything all of these ‘people’ say don’t mean shit and about 2 days ago now I finally almost called it quits#if you know what that implies.#and I just want to hurt everyone and myself and everyone and myself and once and for all it seems that no one means anything to me anymore#and that I shouldnt care#something is in my head talking to me and it has been for fucking forever and I don’t know If I’ll survive tonight#just some fuckin dickheads are always in my fucking way and I just. I don’t know how much longer I’ll survive#next year I don’t even know if I’ll make it. I don’t even fucking know if I’ll make it#I don’t know how to stick around anymore I fucking don’t#no one has ever liked me and no one has ever payed artention to me and no one cates and I dont care and#but also Ive left everyone and theyve missed me but they don’t even know who I am anymore#I haven’t showered in 2 weeks now and my hair is practically molded to my head with the grease and I HAVent done shit#everything isnt real everything is just a mold of what it should be#I woke up at 5 pm today and I couldnt even see the light outside because of that#EVERYTHING is just thoughts and every singl eugcking EVERY single fucking noise makes me want to fucking scream and freak out I#cant fucking do this man#I don’t think I’m going to survive at all#I think I honestly wasnt meant to be here. I think I was supposed to be a abandoned sawmill or some shit#and I think this is all just here to curse me because I was given the light of the world but the pain of being here#I am in pain and I can’t keep doing this. if I talk to a psychiatrist I will be asked all of their stupid questions that they assume I have#normal teenage answers for#and not that I am planning where my grave will be.#I am done.
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ALY
I WILL KILL (/POS) YOU
#CAN I LIKE#KEEP THIS IN MY INBOX FOREVER AND JUST TELL YOU WHAT I THINK OF IT HERE OMG ?!?@?@?+?#YOU SLEEP WITH ONE EYE OPEN IM GOING INSANE#WHAT DO YOU MEAN DRABBLE WHAT DO YOU MEAN SHORT DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY TIME I WENT “OMG THERES MORE”#THEY WAY YOU WRITE IM INSANE ABT IT ACTUALLY-- the way you structure the settings the way the dialogue is so well convey--#'when you stop running away ill make a puppet out of you' HOW ABOUT I EXPLODE YOU WITH MY HEAD#THIS IS ALL SO //POS IM MAKING POKEMON NOISES IN MY ROOM#:[[[[ they way you connected their pain im on the floor in the pillow on cloud nine.............#have i mentioned i like ur writing ill shout it from the rooftop actually its like 4 am im doing it--#SHAKES YOU SO HARD AUSHAHSHSHDHD#this is staying in my inbox forever-- IM GONNA CRY WTF THIS IS SUCH A NICE THING TO SEE CHRISTMAS CAME EARLY--#<33333333333333#watch ur back aly <33#192828882/10 one complain u said u didnt do them justice UH HELLO YOURE THE WHOLE COURT JUSTICE IS SERVED#.txt
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experiencing period pain like a minecraft character experiencing poison damage.
tik OOGh. tik OOF. tik oOOG. tik OOF.
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Surprisingly deep fried take:
Sometimes, you got to accept that "I'm sorry that hurt you" is the best most honest apology you're gonna get.
Now, "I'm sorry *if* that hurt you" is gaslight dismissive nonsense and you should absolutely get upset about. That's different.
"I am sorry that the thing I did had your pain as a byproduct" though? Let's take it from its simplest least dramatic form: bumping into someone. The apology isn't for walking in a public space or anything necessarily about fault at all even. It's a regretful acknowledgement of the other's pain.
Sometimes people aren't *nor should they* feel like they made any decision they'd take back. Sometimes, they made the best decision they could, but your pain was collateral damage and they care enough about your pain to feel empathy for it. Sometimes nobody does anything wrong, but people get hurt anyway.
I don't understand people, do you want your loved ones to lie to you? If "I'm not sorry I did it, I am sorry you got hurt" isn't enough for you when it's true, you don't want accountability, you want them to grovel.
Sometimes you get hurt and the people who hurt you would do it again in s heartbeat, not because they're sadists but because any other choice would be worse. You can either except their acknowledgment and sympathy for your pain or you can not want them to make your pain about them which is also absolutely fair because when you're in pain there's small comfort in knowing how morally secure they are about the thing that hurt you, but this whole pissiness about not using the exact correct words for what you think they should be feeling or else they're being hateful or something? That's disingenuous at best. Just because I'm sorry your mother died, doesn't mean I killed her but likewise I shouldn't have to confess to murder before I'm allowed to feel remorseful she's dead. It's not that simple.
#look I spill out I'm sorries as traumatic conditioning#to the point where I literally will not use I'm sorry in a deliberate repentant apology because it's white noise in my head#And some people *hate that*#They demand the words I was trained to use to *beg for the punishment to stop* before they'll accept my remorse as genuine#Instead of owning and explaining my failure phrased in any way that DOESN'T trigger me to think I'm about to get hit if I don't dance right#Again... that's not an apology that's groveling and that doesn't prove I learnt or regret anything only that I'm terrified of pain#It just seems counterproductive on both our parts
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ihate how loud and clear the voices in my head are theywont stop shouting and yelling and being angry at eachother
#i dontknow how to describe jt its like watching ppl fight but its all noise in ur head that makes u physically hurt too#i can hear theharsh words being thrown around and the spit coming out from how much theyre putting into it#i can hear things being thrown and smashing against walls i feel small and scaredand i want to flee my own body but icant#idkif its just me that has this god im in so much pain like its making my migraine worse
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I’ve been thinking abt one of my older oni colonies and decided to doodle my first three dupes in that save
#keese draws#oxygen not included#but yeah these guys were my main scientist digger and rancher respectively#this was one of my actual spaced out style saves so ofc I chose the cold asteroid still#it was painful opening this save again to look at their traits as it was basically my first longer attempt#let’s just say I had no idea what I was doing and ran out of power literally everywhere#might do a rescue attempt on this save tbh sounds like a fun challenge#but yeah I actually have characterizations for most of the dupes in this save in my head they’re like semi ocs to me#they’re the ones I like to imagine fumbling about post olivia entering sleep mode#cause there’d be such a harsh contrast in how they’d all react and move forwards#burt in particular would take it rly hard mostly because he’s the only scientist#so everyone ends up looking to him for answers and help and he just doesn’t know how to provide any of it#he had already spent so long feeling overworked and under appreciated so this wouldn’t help at all#quinn on the other hand is generally more optimistic as they have gone through a lot of rough shit and made it out on the other side#so they see this as an obstacle they’ll all overcome and grow stronger from#they’re also just very used to being suddenly forced to say goodbye to people for potentially forever#harold was almost relieved by the whole event because it lead to a lot less activity in the neural chip network#which is in fact a big source of panic for most of the dupes but harold pretty much exclusively goes to like 3 rooms so he’s not as effected#he also just doesn’t like the noise of the hundreds of commands that he can’t even follow#he just manages the plants and the pips and sometimes helps with the cooking#he honestly really likes the freedom of figuring out what to do without instruction#as the pip farm he manages is very. well let’s just say pips tend to starve in there a lot#yknow thankfully I did give these guys a bunch of phones so at least they’d be able to still know what’s up with eachother still#still an uncomfortable feeling loosing that connection that you’ve been relying on for years
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