#no. i did NOT check for possible grammar mistakes and I refuse to do so

[gorgraoroctoberforever]

We picked you because we saw greatness,

We picked you because you were the best.

We picked you and you loved us,

And we loved you too.

We called you a name,

We made you home.

Between our game,

Between the unknown.

When we made you a new house,

We loved you.

When we knew it was a coffin,

We loved you.

When we kissed you nose goodbye,

We loved you.

When we sent you to the sky,

We loved you.

You were confused, most likely,

Scared, certainly.

And we loved you.

As the engine died,

As you were left alone in the dark,

No one you could recognize around,

In a space too small yet too vast.

Did you know that we loved you ?

Did it matter ?

You died like a star,

And we never saw you again,

We were the reason, I'm afraid.

At never again, my friend.

[satellite-evans]

you don't have to be sorry

Pairing: Harry Styles x reader

Summary: Harry learns why you refuse to let him pay, uncovering your painful past.

Word count: 2k

Warnings: past abusive relationship, little angst, fluff

A/N:

English is not my first language, so I apologize if I made any (grammar) mistakes. Feedback, requests, recommendations, vents or questions are always welcome. I love talking to you guys about anything <3

Happy reading xxx

I do NOT give permission for my work to be translated or reposted on here or any other site.

Harry had always found joy in giving. Growing up, even when he didn’t have much, he’d learned that the look on someone’s face when you did something kind for them was worth more than anything money could buy. That lesson had carried over into his adult life, especially once his career took off and his world expanded in ways he’d never anticipated. He loved surprising his family with impromptu vacations, treating his friends to dinners just because, and going the extra mile to make everyone around him feel cared for.

When he met you, he found himself wanting to do those little things even more. Your smile was infectious, your laugh a melody he didn’t know he’d been missing until you came along. You were so strong, so independent, and it only made him more drawn to you, your kindness, and your spirit. From early on, he’d noticed that you carried yourself with an ease that spoke of someone who’d learned to take care of themselves, and he admired it. You were thoughtful, always prepared, and fiercely capable of handling things on your own.

Still, that didn’t stop Harry from wanting to treat you. From the beginning, he’d try to pick up the tab here and there, take you out for meals he knew you’d love, or surprise you with little things—your favorite flowers, a new book he thought you might enjoy. But each time he tried, you’d flash that polite, unwavering smile and insist on paying your own way. It wasn’t just a gesture, either. It was firm, unyielding, and Harry quickly learned that it was one boundary you weren’t willing to compromise.

He brushed it off at first, thinking maybe it was just the way you were. And in a way, he appreciated your independence. He knew you’d never take advantage of his generosity, and that was part of what made him feel so strongly for you. But as time went on, he couldn’t help but notice the subtle ways you’d tense up when he offered to pay, how your expression would harden slightly when he’d suggest covering the check. It was almost as if his offers triggered something in you, something you seemed determined to hide but couldn’t fully suppress.

And so, he kept quiet, telling himself not to pry, to respect your independence. Yet, as the months went on, he found that it bothered him more than he wanted to admit. It wasn’t that he wanted to be the one to pay, necessarily—it was that he wanted to feel like he could express his love without it feeling like a violation. He wanted you to feel comfortable enough to let him in, to let him care for you in a way that didn’t make you feel trapped.

One evening in late autumn, he planned a special dinner. The two of you had been talking about going to this small bistro on the outskirts of town for a while. It was an intimate spot with candle-lit tables and soft jazz playing in the background, and Harry knew you’d love it. The idea of spending a quiet, meaningful night there with you had stayed on his mind for weeks.

The evening was perfect. The glow from the restaurant’s lanterns bathed the room in a warm, amber light, casting a soft radiance on your face that made you look even more beautiful than usual. Your laughter floated through the air as you both shared stories and exchanged glances, and Harry felt the gentle comfort of being in your presence, something he’d come to treasure more than he’d ever thought possible.

When the bill finally arrived, he reached for it out of habit, ready to do what he’d long hoped to: treat you to something special, just because he wanted to. But, as always, you beat him to it, your card already in hand, that same polite but unwavering determination in your eyes.

“Please, love,” he murmured, placing a hand gently over yours before you could hand the card to the waiter. “Let me take care of this one, alright?”

Your smile faltered just for a second, and he saw a flicker of something in your eyes—something that didn’t quite match the confident independence you usually displayed. It was a look of hesitation, one that seemed out of place for you, and Harry couldn’t ignore it any longer. The moment was brief, gone as quickly as it came, but it was enough to stir his concern.

As the two of you walked out of the restaurant, Harry held your hand, feeling the cool night breeze brush against your skin as you strolled down the quiet, lamp-lit street. His mind was still on that moment at the table, the look in your eyes that hinted at something more, something you’d been keeping from him.

He stopped walking, gently pulling you to a halt beside him, his fingers still laced with yours as he looked down at you, his eyes soft and filled with a quiet concern.

“Can I ask you something?” he said, his voice low, careful. “I hope this doesn’t make you uncomfortable, but… why don’t you ever let me pay? I know you’re independent, and I love that about you. But… it feels like there’s something more to it. Like you’re keeping something from me.”

You met his gaze for a moment, but quickly looked away, shifting under the weight of his words. He could see a hint of tension in your shoulders, the way your hand tightened slightly around his, as if you were bracing yourself against an invisible force.

“It’s… it’s not about you, Harry,” you said softly, your voice barely above a whisper. “I hope you know that. This is just… it’s something I’ve had to do for myself.”

He nodded, encouraging you to continue without saying a word. He could see you struggling to find the right words, the weight of something unspoken pressing down on you, as if the memories you carried were too painful to release.

“My last relationship was… it was complicated,” you finally said, your voice wavering slightly. “My ex… he was controlling. It wasn’t like this—it wasn’t done out of kindness, or love. It was… it was about power.”

Harry felt his heart sink as he watched you, his own feelings of helplessness swelling inside him as he realized just how deeply those past experiences had affected you. His fingers tightened around yours, as if to ground you, to remind you that he was there, listening.

“He… wouldn’t let me pay for anything either,” you continued, your gaze distant as if you were looking back at a memory you’d tried to bury. “He wouldn’t let me work. He’d tell me it was because he wanted to take care of me, but it was… it was more than that. He made sure I depended on him for everything. And whenever I used his money, he’d remind me that I wouldn’t have anything without him.”

You swallowed hard, the pain in your eyes raw, the vulnerability in your expression stark against the mask of strength you usually wore.

“It was like… like every time I let him pay, he took a piece of me with it. I felt like I was losing myself, one little piece at a time.”

Harry felt a swell of emotions surge through him, a mix of anger, sorrow, and helplessness. He hated the thought of you going through that, hated the idea that someone had taken advantage of your trust, had tried to mold you into something you weren’t. The thought of someone treating you that way filled him with a protective instinct he hadn’t felt in a long time.

“Oh, love,” he whispered, his voice thick with emotion as he reached up, gently brushing a stray tear from your cheek. “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry you went through that. You didn’t deserve any of it.”

The warmth of his hand against your cheek was grounding, soothing, a reminder of the safety you felt with him—a safety that was new, unfamiliar, and terrifying in its own way. You looked up at him, feeling the walls you’d carefully built around yourself begin to crumble, the armor you’d worn to protect yourself falling away under the gentle strength of his gaze.

“I didn’t want to feel that way again,” you murmured, your voice barely more than a breath. “When I finally left, I promised myself I’d be independent, that I’d never let anyone have that kind of power over me again. I didn’t want to feel… trapped.”

Harry listened, his heart breaking for the pain you’d carried alone for so long. He wanted nothing more than to reach into those memories and erase every moment of hurt, to go back and shield you from the scars that man had left behind. But he knew he couldn’t change the past. All he could do was be here, fully and completely, for you now.

He pulled you into his arms, wrapping you in a warm, protective embrace, as if his presence could somehow shelter you from every painful memory, every scar that still lingered. You felt yourself relax in his hold, the tension in your body melting away as you allowed yourself to simply be, to feel safe, without fear.

He held you for what felt like an eternity, his hand gently rubbing your back in slow, comforting circles. Finally, he pulled back just enough to look at you, his hands still resting on your shoulders, his gaze filled with a tenderness that took your breath away.

" I'm sorry." You said in a whisper, almost unhearable to him. Almost.

“ Oh lovie. I’m here for you,” he said softly, his voice a gentle promise. “You don’t have to carry this alone. You don't have to be sorry. I’ll never make you feel that way, I promise. You’re safe with me.”

The sincerity in his words touched something deep within you, and for the first time, you felt a glimmer of hope that maybe, just maybe, you could let go of the past. You took a deep, shuddering breath, feeling a weight lift from your shoulders as you allowed yourself to lean into his warmth, to trust in the quiet strength of his presence.

“Thank you, Harry,” you whispered, your voice trembling with a mix of gratitude and relief. “I don’t think you know how much this means to me.”

He smiled, brushing a gentle kiss to your forehead as he took your hand, lacing his fingers with yours as you continued your walk down the quiet street. The world around you felt different somehow, softer, brighter, as if the warmth of his love had transformed the cold night into something beautiful.

After a moment of comfortable silence, Harry glanced at you with a playful grin. “You know, I was thinking… if you keep insisting on paying for everything, I might just have to start charging you a fee for dating me.”

You raised an eyebrow, smirking. “Oh really? And what would that fee be?”

“Let’s see… one home-cooked dinner a month, plus unlimited cuddle time, and maybe a few spontaneous trips to the ice cream shop,” he replied, feigning seriousness with a cheeky smile.

“Sounds like a bargain, but you might want to raise your rates. I’m a high-maintenance girlfriend,” you shot back, a playful glint in your eye.

Harry chuckled, shaking his head. “High-maintenance? lovie, I don’t know if I can handle that kind of pressure.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll throw in a free consultation on how to keep your wallet healthy. You know, just in case you want to save up for our future yacht,” you teased, your tone light.

“Ah, yes! The yacht. I’ll need a solid financial plan for that one,” he said, nodding dramatically. “Maybe we should just start a joint account: ‘Harry and Y/N’s Fund for Epic Adventures.’”

“Only if I get to choose the adventures,” you countered with a grin.

“Deal! Just promise me one thing,” he said, suddenly serious.

“What’s that?” you asked.

“Promise you’ll never stop being you—independent, sassy, and always ready to take the lead when it comes to dinner bills,” he said with a twinkle in his eye.

You laughed, feeling your heart swell. “Oh, I won’t! But fair warning: you’ll always be my favourite plus-one, even if you are a bit of a freeloader.”

He gasped dramatically, clutching his chest. “Freeloader? I’ll have you know, I bring a lot to this relationship—like charm, good looks, and the occasional serenade!”

“Okay, you’ve got a point there,” you conceded, shaking your head with a laugh. “But just wait until I hit the jackpot. You won’t know what hit you when I start treating you!”

With laughter and lightness in the air, you both continued your walk, the future feeling bright and filled with promise, all while playfully nudging each other along the way.

[pandora-writes-one-piece]

Happy birthdayyyyy!!🥳🥳🥳🥳

If I’m still on time for the birthday event may I please request the following prompt:

"I can't pretend like everything's fine when I’m falling apart inside."

With fem reader and nsfw and Eustass Kid. 👀

Hello, Anon! Thank you so much for your request! I know, I know, it's been so long and I still have so many of these waiting for me in my inbox! Please forgive me, everyone... Anyway, this turned out more angst than NSFW, I hope that you still love it! Thank you for your support!

Source for pic

Gone

Word Count: 2671

Tags: Fem!Reader; Heavy Angst; Grief; Mourning; Sorrow; Pain; Mentions of sex, not explicit; Blood; Death;

Special Warning: English is not my first language, I apologise for any possible spelling or grammar mistakes.

Summary: Kid faces a loss that devastates him like nothing else. Not even Killer seems able to rouse the Captain from his grief.

|Masterlist|

Kid holds your lifeless body against his chest, cradling you with so much care that it’s as if you are merely sleeping. Your eyes are shut, and your head lolls softly with each step he takes towards the Victoria Punk. He’s covered head to toe in the blood of his enemies, having gone on a killing spree after he witnessed life spilling from your eyes as he held you close, sheltering you both from the bullets that took your life in a cocoon of metal he created far too late. 

‘Don't be sad, Captain.’ 

He can almost hear you whisper the words, but your death was nearly instant, not giving him any moment to tell you how much you meant to him. 

'Don't worry, Kid. It's just death. Nothing is final.’

That sounds like you. But it's just his mind putting sentences together. A way to cope, perhaps. His chest feels heavy, each breath pulling with a raging effort just to travel from his lungs to his throat. 

“DOOOOOOOC!” He doesn't sound like himself. He has never sounded so broken, so torn, so incomplete. The word drags, a ragged sound that tears through his heart and rips his insides. You can't be gone, he refuses to believe that. 

Kid's scream summons half the crew, and they all have different reactions to what they see. Some sob, some curse, some freeze, and some rage. The Doc appears, rushing towards Kid and your still body, their breath immediately hitching in their throat as they see your pale face and stilled chest. 

“Captain, she…”

“No! Heal her.” Kid’s eyes are red, a fiery rage held within, ready to snap, ready to break and take everything in his path. “She ain’t gone.” The whine that leaves his lips sounds far away. It's not Eustass ‘Captain’ Kid speaking. It's your lover, your ‘baby’, your everything. “Bring her back.” He almost sobs, knees faltering as he's brought down by grief, shoulders sagging and wracking with effort. 

The Doc stutters, knowing Kid is the one in need of comfort, not your still, lifeless body but they pretend, fussing over you, checking your breathing - there's no air leaving your lungs - checking your vitals - gone. 

Killer approaches, his head bowed down with sadness as he nears the broken form of his oldest friend. Squeezing Kid's shoulder, Killer kneels down next to him. If anyone can bring sense to Kid, it's him. 

‘Listen to Kill, baby. He's got you. Always.’

“Kid… she's gone.” Killer's voice trembles as he delivers his words, they seem so final, so somber. The Doc stops fussing, taking a step back and hiding their face behind their hands, like most of the crew are doing, coping with their loss and grief. “You have to let us care for her. She wouldn't want you to feel like this.”

Kid doesn't speak. His hold tightens and he brings your body close to his chest again, burying his face in your hair like he did a thousand times before. “I never told her–...” Kid's breath catches and morphs into a broken wail. “Kill, I never told her how much I–...” Kid mumbles and murmurs in your ear. Promises of eternal love, words of devotion, just for you. Words that were trapped inside of him, words he couldn't let go off. Everything you meant to him, lost against a lifeless body. 

Killer's hand grips harder. “She knew, partner. She knew.”

But Kid doubts that very much, his memories betray him.

You held his face in your hands, cupping his cheeks and showing him your easy smile. Eyes shining just for him, as bright as the stars above in the vast sky. You'd always kiss him tenderly, your devotion flowing freely from your lips and the tips of your fingers as you caressed him. 

Kid got easily bored. Your touch immediately riled him up, and rare was the time he was gentle in his lovemaking. He needed you, his desire animalistic, almost primal, and he couldn't contain himself. Searching for pleasure, giving pleasure, but always harsh, brute, intense, equal in action as he was in personality. 

You’d sigh, mewl and moan into him, giving in to his needs because you needed him back just the same. Every thrust was an extension of his roaring desire, every bite, a mark of how much you meant to him. Every bruise from holding you too tightly was a testament to how fiercely he cared. 

And every time you unravelled under his unbridled ministrations, a tug in his heart reminded him just how much you meant to him. 

Tangled in the sheets, his seed dripping from you, you'd smile in bliss. Holding him. And always, always uttering those four words he longed to hear: I love you, Kid. 

He'd force the words out of his mouth, but they never got past his tongue. It was never in his nature to be vulnerable, let alone show vulnerability. But he did. He loved you fiercely, blindly, madly. 

Had he known that was to be your last night together, would he have made love to you instead of fucking you? Would he have slowed down his relentless thrusts to languid, lazy strokes? Would he have kissed you, leaving a trail of perfect lipstick marks on your skin instead of smudges mixed with blood from careless, harsh bites? 

“That was an amazin’ fuck, lass.”

Would he have told you he loved you instead?

“Ye know how to make a man have a good time.”

Would he have told you how much he cared, instead? 

“So tight ye make my dick hard again, just thinkin’ about it.”

Would he have told you how perfectly you fit against him, instead? 

“Kid… You have to let her go. It's time.” Killer's voice pulls him out of his painful spiral of memories. 

Yet Kid remains motionless, his hold on you only tightens, his clothes soaking more of your blood, dyeing them as red as his hair. His fingers tremble against your cold skin in an endless caress, like he’s trying to memorize every little bit of you, too afraid to let go.

The ship, always so full of laughter, of rowdy screams and clangs from something or other, is unusually quiet. The gentle splash of waves against the hull being the only song lulling in the air. 

That, and the mournful sobs and whispered cries of your friends - your crew. 

“She ain’t gone…” Kid whispers one more time, his lips pressing hard against your temple, his eyes glassy as if he’s not here, as if he’s somewhere far away, with you still breathing and smiling in his arms. 

Killer opens his mouth to argue but knows that it’s useless. Nothing can change his captain’s mind when he’s fully set to it. “Back to work, everyone.” He commands gently as he gets up, a stiffness to his usually fluid movements. 

The crew disperses slowly, some looking at Killer with doubt in their gaze, but he just shakes his head, silently asking for more time. Kid just needs a little more time with you. That’s all.

‘It’s okay, baby. You can let go. I know you loved me.’

Kid’s breath hitches as he tries to stifle a sob, a sound so broken, so lost, that it can’t have come from him. He keeps hearing your whispered words, as if you’re still with him. 

So why can’t he feel your warmth? Why doesn’t your body respond to his touch? Why is the pain he’s feeling hurting like nothing else ever did before. 

“Ye ain’t gone…” The raw vulnerability in his words hangs around the deck like a thick fog, coating the ship with grief and sorrow. The Victoria being a reflection of her captain’s moods. “We still have more time…”

‘We’ll meet in the afterlife, love. After you’ve achieved your dream of becoming the Pirate King.’

Kid’s tears seem foreign to him. It’s been a while since he shed them. They scald his skin, and he won’t be surprised if he finds blisters marring his face later, the weight of his pain is so grand that it has to leave physical scars. 

“Yer my dream.” Kid whispers against your temple, your sweet scent still so strong that you have to be alive. You have to. “Bein’ Pirate King means nothin’ if yer not by my side.”

That’s what he should have told you. 

A fresh wave of memories inundates his mind as Kid clenches his jaw and braces himself for a new outbreak of pain. 

“I can taste it already! We’ll have all the riches, other crews will fear us!” 

You laughed softly, your bare back turned to him as you removed your makeup in the mirror, preparing for bed. Kid paced back and forth, his muscles rippling with every movement.

The Alliance had taken out Big Mom and Kaido, and now he felt invincible.

“Baby, the other crews already fear us. Have you seen your bounty?” Your voice rang soft in his ears. How he loved that sound. He’d have you whisper a freaking recipe in his ear just to be able to hear you speak forever.

But he’d never admit it out loud.

“Fuck yeah, they should!” He roared, a hearty laugh bubbling up his chest.

“You’re one step closer to your dream, love.” You turned fully to him, a softness in your gaze that could crumble the highest resolve. Yes, he wanted to be Pirate King, but he knew at that moment that his dream would mean nothing without your presence. 

“Aye, lass, I am.” 

What he really wanted to do was cup your face in his hands, revel in the way your cheeks felt soft and warm against his calloused fingers, and take his time to kiss you gently. Show you just how much you meant to him, how deeply in love you made him feel.

Instead, he bent you over the dresser and made you unravel over and over again before he was spent, panting over you. 

What a fool he’d been. 

If only he knew there would be no more time. No forever. No eternity.

Breathing hurts him. Looking at you aches. Feeling nothing but cold when he touches your cheek devastates him.

He’s lost. He doesn’t know what to do without you. He doesn’t know who to be without you. 

‘You’ll figure it out, Kid. You always do.’

“Not this time, lass… not this time…”

He clutches you against him, only moving to take off his coat and drape it over your cool body, trying against all hope to keep warmth inside you. 

The minutes stretch to hours, and Kid remains rooted to the same spot. The crew gives him a wide berth, trying to carry on with their tasks, the ship still anchored in the same spot since Kid hasn’t given orders to sail, and Killer still clings to the hope of burying you on dry land instead of dropping you in the unforgiving sea. 

Hours drag on, bringing the dusk with them. The sky fills with bright dots, though they seem far duller and dimmer than usual, a mimicry of the grief that haunts the Victoria. 

Kid doesn’t move.

Killer checks on him from time to time, but all he sees is his captain mourning the loss of a loved one, whispering broken promises against your hair, cradling your face in his hands, holding on to a hope that will never be fulfilled, as if you could, somehow, open your eyes and come back to him. 

Yet Killer doesn’t intervene. He knows Kid needs time.

Dusk settles into night, and night turns to dawn. 

Kid’s cheeks and ears are red, his breath comes out accompanied by tendrils of smoke. He’s freezing, but the numbness of the cold does nothing to stop the ache in his heart. He still feels empty and lost. Broken and incomplete. He fears he will never feel whole again. 

“Kid. It’s time.” Killer’s gravelly voice does little to shake him from his stupor, so he doesn’t move. “You can’t stay here forever. She needs to rest.”

A primal growl leaves his mouth through bared teeth as Kid clutches you closer to his chest. “The fuck do ye know what she needs? I’m the one who knows her! I’m the one who loves her! Fuck!”

Kid slams his fist against the deck, and Killer hears the wood groaning and cracking under his power. 

The First Mate takes a tentative step forward, his hand hovering over Kid’s shoulder. “You’re right. I don’t know what she needs. But I know she wouldn’t want to see you like this. Rotting with grief, hurting, becoming a shadow of the man you are.”

Kid groans, shutting his eyes, forcing Killer’s words out of his head. They ring far too close to the truth, and he can’t bear it, not now. 

“I can't pretend like everything's fine when I’m falling apart inside, Killer…”

Killer sighs behind his mask, fearing that what he has to say might not be enough to help his friend. 

“You have to try. She loved you because of your strength, your fire, your ability to chase your dream. Don’t let that die with her.”

“Shut the fuck up, Killer!” He slams his fist again, and the wood splinters. New blood drips from his fist, coating the dried, caked one with a bright red instead. “I failed her… I fuckin’ failed her…”

“We all did, Kid. And we’ll have to live with it. But not like this. She wouldn’t want this, think about it.” 

Kid freezes, his hand trembling as he prepares to strike the battered wood again. Yet something in Killer’s words strikes close to home. You used to talk about what came next: the afterlife…

‘That’s it, baby…’

“She used to say that she’d wait for me if she went first…” Kid’s scoff turns into a sob, and Killer’s shoulders sag at the helplessness of it all. “I always told her to shut her mouth, sayin’ she was talkin’ nonsense. In truth, I just didn’t want to think she’d be gone first.”

The waves lap gently against the husk of the ship, and Killer doesn’t dare disturb the silence. Kid is clearly lost in his own head, memories swirling around, taking hold of him, either saving him or drowning him in sorrow. 

“How am I supposed to go on, Kill? I can’t–...”

Killer’s hand squeezes his shoulder, the gesture the same as the day before, but this time, it seems to ground his captain in reality. 

“You go on by fulfilling your dream. By fighting. By being the fierce Eustass Captain Kid she loved. If there’s something else, she’ll be there for you, and you’ll want to face her as a proud man, won’t you?”

Kid lifts his head, his amber eyes dimmed by pain, searching the horizon as if mapping the islands that surround him. Creating a pathway to his goal. 

“Aye. I want her to be proud.”

‘I already am, love.’

“And I’ll let her know, Kill… I’ll…” Kid’s voice breaks as he slowly sets you down on the deck, his fingers brushing one last time against your cheek.

“She knows, Kid.”

But he’s not listening to Killer, his eyes are fixed on you, brimming with tears again, but burning a little brighter now. “I’ll become the damned Pirate King for you - for us. Just wait for me, love.” 

Later, after they buried you and left a marker on that small island alongside the Kid Pirates' flag, Kid faced the horizon with a fierce determination setting his features. “Ready the Victoria. We’re just gettin’ started. We’ve got a damned throne to claim.”

“Aye, Cap’n!”

Grief might have shadowed the crew for a while, might’ve even made the sails of the Victoria less willing to fly, her husk heavier, more burdened. But your love was what drove your captain further now. That and the promise of the afterlife, of what came next, of unspoken vows and a way to fulfill them. 

‘I’ll be waiting, love.’

Tag List: @rosidaze @beachaddict48 @armiliadawn @jintaka-hane @sprinkklz @baby5555 @hopelesslover06 @mars-mizuko @sleepykittycx @nerium-lil @eustasscapitankid @ren-ni @jqperi @lycoriskalmia @daydreamer-in-training @iloveyoushanks @thegalaxysedge22 @tremendoushorsepatrolgoth

[robinofgothamcity]

♡ prompt: "I can be everything you need if you'll just give me a chance."

♡ character: roy harper / arsenal

♡ pronouns used: she / her

♡ note: not checked for grammar or spelling mistakes / okay so there will be mentions of drug use in this fic. this is your warning now to proceed with caution if you are triggered by things of that sort.

"I can be everything you need if you'll just give me a chance," Roy stated as he put the needle on the ground next to him and looked at you. his gaze was on you but you could tell that he was no where near sober. "Roy, I've warned you more than once. I refuse to be by your side if this is what you're doing to yourself."

Roy hadn't responded as you grabbed the needle and its injector before disposing it safely. you hadn't been in the area to even attempt to stop him from doing it for the Nth time; however, a word from Dick that Roy had went silent meant that you knew exactly what he was doing.

you grabbed Roy's hand, feeling the rough skin patches and open cuts. "Roy, you know I'm your number one supporter. I've been here through everything. I love you, as a friend and as a girlfriend but I can't help someone who doesn't want to help themselves. we're heroes. we're supposed to do the saving, not be saved and this is something I can't save you from," you didn't bother to listen to what he was about to murmur as you figured he'd give you the runaround as usual.

you stood up, leaving Roy in his spot and walked out the creaky door. Roy who had processed what you said remained silent where he sat. he had no idea what do to. cry? scream? get angry? the drug inside of his body wouldn't let him do any of the options. instead, he opted to remain silent and stare at the door you just had left out of.

+

you were walking down the street with Donna and Dick as the two of them were casually talking about some memory they had with their former Titan teammates. with you joining the titans later on, you weren't originally apart of the five titans and were the added sixth member a few years later.

all of you had decided to catch up with coffee and a walk around Bludhaven. you had joined Dick at the Bludhaven Police Department as their lead investigator in their homicide department. with that life during the day and still fighting crime at night, your life was hectic enough to not have fallen in love. it made you wonder how Dick had found enough time to date everyone he did.

with that being said, you much like your former teammate, had a child in the time from being a titan till now.

the father was pretty out of the picture as he claimed he was too young to care for an infant leaving you to do everything on your own. your child was around the same age if not a bit young than Dick's younger brother, Damian, so whenever you had to run off to do hero work with the wing, you had dropped him in the care of Alfred or Bruce.

Dick had practically became a father figure to your child and became like a brother to you. he had been there when you broke things off with Roy and was shoulder to cry on when things got rough. you had found a special place in your heart for your teammate and although many had pushed you to date him, you knew Dick was nothing more than a friend and brotherly figure.

"so, have you heard?" Donna asked you suddenly. your eyebrows fluttered in confusion as Dick stared at her in panic, "heard about what?" you replied. Dick and Donna put their hands on each of your shoulder as nervousness started to bubble up inside of you.

Dick sighed as he tried to keep you as calm as possible, "Roy is back in town. he's here with Jason and Kori....." your eyes widened in shock as Donna continued, "he wants to see you. he's been practically begging Dick and I to take him to you."

you remained silent, not knowing if you were prepared to see Roy again. it had been years, early decades, since you had seen the redhead. you knew he had a daughter much like you with your son and he was supposedly clean now but thinking of the way both of you ended things, you weren't sure you were prepared to see him again. what if you accidentally relapsed him into the life he was once in? what if he was angry about how you left him?

Roy seemed happier and in better shape since you last saw him. you weren't sure you were even in the right mindset to see the man you clearly still loved. with all of these thoughts running through your head, Donna sat you down on a concrete bench and hugged you from the side.

"what's on your mind? you can talk to us you know," she said, putting her head on your shoulder. you didn't know what to say as Dick sat next to you, "listen, whatever you want us tell Roy, we can. we hold no secrets in this friendship. if you're ready to see him, that's all up to you. he's dying to see you but if you aren't ready to see him, we can just say you weren't available."

"it's not that I'm not ready to see him but what if I lead him to the life he once had? he's clean, happy, and actually living a fulfilling life....well as much as one can in this life we live but that's besides the point. what if I'm just a reminder of what he used to be? someone he never wants to be again?"

Dick and Donna both stared at you in shock as they couldn't believe what they were hearing.

"you? reverting him back to that lifestyle? he changed because he wanted to see you again. don't you dare say that you're the reason why Roy did the things he did back then," Donna exclaimed, rather angry. Dick shook his head, "if that's your belief, you're achingly wrong. Roy changed for himself, for Lian, and for you."

your phones alarm went off indicating that you had to pick up your son from school as you quickly shut it off, "I don't know. I have to do. ( childs name ) is getting out of school soon and he hates when I'm not on time," you gave them one more look before heading over to where you parked your car.

Donna and Dick stared at each other, still in slight shock at your confession.

+

"she what?" Roy yelled loudly causing Donna and Dick to jump back. he stared daggers at his friends as he couldn't believe what he was hearing himself, "she's refusing to see me because of that?" he asked them again.

Dick nodded as Jason could tell Roy was ready to explode.

"which one of you made her think like that?" he accused the three in front of him. Dick waved his hands to stop him from speaking, "don't get angry at us for something we didn't do. that's what she told us and we didn't do anything to make her think what she had said."

Roy growled knowing Dick had a point. he was getting angry at the wrong people but he had been dying to see you for years now. what you had told him had stuck with him all this time.

"we're supposed to do the saving, not be saved and this is something I can't save you from."

you on the other hand had received a message from Dick that they would all be crashing at his place until they found somewhere between Gotham and Bludhaven to stay at. you were sitting with your son next to you as she scrolled through the channel lists and plopped the remote down in annoyance.

"mommy, are you okay?" he asked as he felt you being more silent than usual, "( childs name ), how would you like to meet someone very important to me?" you asked as you turned to your son, "if you're not ready to meet them, I can drop you off with Uncle Bruce so you could spend time with Damian?"

your son shook his head no as he looked up to you, "I want to meet them mommy. if they're important to you, they're important to me because you're my mom!" you smiled, pushing him in for a hug as you held him against you tightly, "well, let's get your shoes on and we can head out."

you shrugged on your jacket as your son pulled his crocs on.

on the other end of town, Roy laid lumped on the couch with zero motivation to get up. he replayed the videos that everyone had sent him of you. from you singing City Girls at the club with Donna to having dinner with Wally and Dick and your son, Roy couldn't help but melt over you.

he had grown more feelings as he saw you practically age without him. you were already smoking hot as he liked to put it when you were still with the titans so seeing you have your life together with your son and the person he knew you'd grow up to be, a part of him ached at the fact that he wasn't with you to see that all happened.

Dick, Jason, and Donna were in Dick's kitchen, drinking coffee as they tried to conjure up ways to try and cheer Roy up and figure out a way to have you see him without making it a dramatic soap opera scene.

"you can't force her to do something she doesn't want to do," Jason stated as he looked at Donna and his brother to make sure they didn't get any ideas, "they're meant to be together, Todd," Donna said as she sipped her tea, "what does that have to do with anything, Donna?" he asked back.

the three of them didn't say anything else as they heard Roy sigh again. Jason knew out of all three of them (him, Kori, and Roy), he tended to be the one to wear his heart on his sleeve the most. especially when it came to you so he knew there had to be a few stray tears coming down his face.

all of a sudden, they heard a knock on Dick's door, causing the three of them to be alert. Dick walked over to the door, his jaw dropping as he realized it was you. Donna and Jason had the same shocked expression as you gave them a small wave and an awkward smile.

"hey, what're you doing here?" Dick asked nervously as you walked inside. your son had fallen asleep in the time you drove to Dick's place. he took your son out of your hands as you placed your jacket on the chair, "is he here?" you asked as Jason nodded. you had never formally met the red hood as his death and resurrection happened while you were out on a mission with a few other heroes for a couple of years across the sea.

Jason led you to living room as you saw Roy slumped on the couch, picking his fingers and wiping his tears. your eyes watered as you gave a choked sound which managed to get his attention. Roy's eyes widened as he couldn't believe what was happening. you stood at the doorway of the living room as Roy practically rushed you and the two of you hit the ground with a thud. you laughed, seeing Roy's green eyes scanning you down frantically.

"hey," you whispered as you held his face to get a good look, "hey, what're you doing here?" he asked. you smiled at him, your foreheads touching, "you know why I'm here Harper," you whispered as he brought his face down and collided your lips with his. Dick laughed as Donna aww'd and Jason remained neutral faced.

"never thought this reunion would happen," Dick whispered as Donna waved him off, "what did I say earlier? they're meant to be together. Roy was made for her and she was made for Roy. it was only a matter of time before they saw each other again."

they looked back at the two of you as the two of you were just staring at each other lovingly, "enough to make you mine again," he replied smoothly. you laughed as you placed another kiss on his lips, "can't wait to see it happen," you whispered as you pushed Roy off of you to get air again.

Roy helped you off the ground as you two looked at the three heroes who had smirks written all over their faces, "when's the wedding?" Jason asked rhetorically as Roy threw him one of Dick's couch pillows, "hey!" he exclaimed, completely forgetting that your son was still in his arms.

"mommy?" "daddy?"

your eyes widened realizing that not only had your son spoken up but Roy's daughter had as well. you stiffened as you realized that maybe this entire situation might've been too much for both of your kids.

"well, it's now or never Harper," you murmured to him as you grabbed your son and Roy hauled his daughter into his arms.

"Lian, I want you to meet someone very important to me. this is ( your name ) and that's her son ( childs name )."

"( childs name ), this is the boy I was telling you about. his name is Roy and this is his daughter Lian."

[thelucyverse]

How To Interact With Beta Readers - for Fanfic Authors

I wanted to make posts both for fic authors and beta readers, because I realized in several recent interactions that some helpful unwritten rules of fandom seem to have become lost to people who are new to it.

This isn't meant to be a call-out post against anyone to say 'you did it wrong!' (really, how could anyone be mad if you just didn't know any better), and there aren't even any definite rules for anything - but I just thought these things might be nice to know and helpful to share around. This first part will be @ the authors, the second part is @ the betas.

Asking for a beta reader

When you want someone to look through your fic, whether you ask in a tumblr post, @/helper in a discord server, in the notes of an already posted work or anywhere else, it's important to state both a) what the work that you want betad is and b) what you want from a beta reader.

The facts about the story.

The first most important facts about the story are a) length (in wordcount, as that is the most-used measurement for fanfiction - you can see it below the tags of an ao3 draft, or at the bottom left of a Word document), and b) rating and warnings. No, please don't just ask 'i have a fic for xy ship to beta' - that's nice information, but not helpful for someone who needs to decide whether they a) have the time to work on the length of fic and b) are willing to be confronted with the kind of content you have written.

In addition to that, you should of course also write what fandom, characters and dynamic it is about, because most beta readers are only willing to beta stories they would also usually read for fun. To make sure that the right people find the ask for a beta reader, you best target the post to them, so tag a tumblr post with the fandom and ship etc, and on discord share the request in a server or channel for the fandom, not an unrelated one.

What format is the draft in?

A word document you can send them via e-mail, a copy-pasted text in a direct message, link access to a google docs? Not everyone is comfortable with all of these methods, and you need to figure out one that works for the both of you.

Also, do you want the changes made directly in the text, in comment functions of the document, or as messages to you? If for example you send someone a Word document, and don't want them to change anything directly in your text, but they aren't comfortable working with the comment function there and end up writing you separate messages telling you what page and line the edits are one, that's going to be a lot more work for you to look through than you might have liked, so make sure to communicate it all beforehand and figure out a way that works properly for everyone.

What do you want from your beta?

'Well, to look over the story, duh?' but it's not that easy. Do you want the beta to:

- Only check for spelling and grammar mistakes in comments next to the text, No other suggestions at all because they would make you feel bad about your work/you don't have the time or want to spend the time on editing anything but honest mistakes/ any other reason?

- Grammar and spelling checks but also suggestions for word flow, repetitive words and phrases that could be changed and stylistic things like adding paragraph breaks (which are always nice to have for mobile reading)?

- [same as above] and also point out possible logic flaws and places where you might want to move a scene forward or back, or suggestions to things you could add to the story, with explanations as to why?

- [same as above] and also give suggestions for text you could cut that is unnecessary to the story or interrupting the flow of a scene in the opinion of your beta reader?

- Include nice messages as to what the beta liked best of the fic, or stay completely objective?

- Point out things they subjectively didn't like and would change about the story if they wrote it themselves, or not?

- Make corrections directly in the story, so afterwards you barely need to look at it anymore before you can publish it, or only give suggestions in comments or messages?

All of these are things some people welcome and others find incredibly annoying and/or hurtful! So make sure to communicate exactly what you are looking for. You don't have to do so in your initial public request, but once you have found a potential beta, you should text them the details before giving them access to your fic.

Do not be afraid of cancelling on a beta if you don't think it is going to work out! Whether because they aren't comfortable using the format you like to use, are a language teacher who can't stop correcting the long sentences you choose to keep as a stylistic choice, or just someone you don't vibe with, whether it's before or after they have started beta reading - be kind, but let them know that it just isn't working out, and that you would rather stop now before either of you wastes any more time and effort. If they want you to, you can tell them what you would have liked them to do differently, but don't ask someone to change how they are, and don't give unsolicited criticism, no, not even to a beta reader.

Decide on a time-frame

When are you going to send them the fic? Chapter by chapter over the next days, or the entire work? When do you want or need the work to be beta read? Is it for a challenge or gift exchange and needs to be finished on the same day, or can they wait for the weekend? Even if you don't have a specific deadline, when do you want them to send it back at the latest?

Working with a beta reader

After - or, if you are in for example a google docs at the same time, while - your beta reader does the corrections, you should look at them and decide which corrections you want to keep, and which to disregard. This is entirely your decision, it is your story, you don't need to feel bad if you don't take all of the suggestions for your work, even if you end up only correcting the spelling mistakes and ignoring everything else, it's your decision and this is fine.

If your beta gave suggestions for additional scenes or sentence changes, you can let them know once you have new text for them to correct, but keep in mind that they might no longer have time or energy to beta now, and don't be disappointed if they tell you this or don't reply. They already helped you, and you can always look for a new beta if you feel that your story still needs it.

Crediting your beta reader

Where are you uploading your fic, and how does your beta reader want to be credited? You best talk about this beforehand as well, as some betas only want to work on something when they will get the credit on a platform they are also on.

When posting on tumblr, it is usually expected to @ the person who helped you and write their url or tracked tag in the #s as well, but make sure to ask beforehand, as maybe they don't want other people to know they beta because they don't want to get swamped in work requests/ they don't want their url associated with for example explicit work/ they want you to tag a sideblog for the fandom instead of their main url.

On ao3, you can link to another author's dashboard or profile page (ask which one they prefer) in the notes by first going to the work text - rich text, writing their name, clicking the link symbol, pasting the url, going back to HTML text and cut-pasting the code to the note you want to have it in. You can do the prep work in a new work instead of your actual draft so you won't accidentally cut any of the work text. Again, ask the person beforehand whether they want to be linked there, or just want a nickname or their tumblr url credited.

You can also gift people works on ao3, and while this is in no way a requirement and most beta readers won't ask for it, just about everyone is happy to receive ao3 gifts! You can ask them beforehand if they want that, but as people can accept and refuse gifts on ao3 themselves, you can also let it be a surprise.

If your beta put a lot of work into your fic and wrote parts of it themselves, you can also make them a co-creator of the work on ao3, but only do this if you know and trust the person, as they will gain access to the fic and will be able to edit everything just like you.

Let me know if I missed anything, and I will update the post!

Tips for beta-readers themselves here!

[mitsungo]

We are already this far! And this has turned into more of an Akaza x reader story 🌸 I’m sorry Kyo— for now it’s just Akaza, patience, patience. Plz excuse any spelling/grammar mistakes! I’m on vacation right now and I have been adding to this when I get inspired! The next part will be the last part which I hope to finish by Sunday! Because we need closure! No cliffhangers! Not here! 🍡 Enjoy for now! Also time is like super super uh 😵‍💫 just stick with the plot okay! 😭

⭑･ﾟﾟ･*:༅｡.｡༅:*ﾟ:*:✼✿ ❄️ ✿✼:*ﾟ:༅｡.｡༅:*･ﾟﾟ･⭑

Y/n was currently working on a kimono, the client was none other Kocho Shinobu, the insect hashira. It was daytime, so Akaza wasn’t able to be visit her, though he wish he could. He was currently down in the cellar of the mansion. Waiting for Y/n to signal him that sundown was already here. Shinobu was a very good friend of Y/n’s, and she personally would check up on her and the baby. Or babies, as Y/n would put it. Something in her told her that she were going to have twins. It was a gut feeling.

“Y/n, you really shouldn’t overwork yourself. Your body is turning very weak lately, I fear that you will fall ill if you continue working yourself too much.” Shinobu said to her one day when she came to check how Y/n was doing. “I won’t fall ill Shinobu-chan. Don’t worry so much, I’m a strong woman. I can handle this. Come now, sit down with me.” Y/n said softly, patting a spot next to her. Shinobu frowned slightly with concern. “Don’t be worried. Like I said, I am fine. Shine me a beautiful smile would you? I hate seeing a frown on your face! It disheartens me!” Y/n teased Shinobu, letting out a small giggle as Shinobu shaked her head with a smile.

It had passed around six months now, and y/n was getting sicker by the day. Her body was very frail and sickly, she couldn’t really walk around anymore either without help. Her aunt and uncle refused to leave her alone anymore but she would tell them that she needed to be alone sometimes. Senjuro and Shinjuro would come around and visit Y/n often, Senjuro more worried about Y/n’s health than anything else. Mitsuri and Shinobu would drop by too, especially Shinobu who would give Y/n medicine to help with her health and pain that she would have at times. Akaza on the other hand would visit rarely for personal reasons as he told y/n. She didn’t argue, as her energy didn’t allow her to do so. But when Akaza did visit, he would hold her and make sure she had water nearby and the medicine Shinobu gave her. Everyone, including Akaza agreed that y/n should not continue working on anymore kimonos or anything that requires work. Y/n also didn’t argue, since she was too tired to even try and everyone would notice it too.

“Y/n? Dear? You have a letter from Tanjiro-kun!” Her aunt said behind the door. Y/n immediately stopped reading the book she had in her hands. Her aunt slid open the door and gently put the letter down next to her futon. “You finished your tea already. I’ll go brew you some new tea for later.” She told y/n, picking up the tray and leaving the room quietly. Y/n smiled softly, grabbing the letter and opening it. Kamado Tanjiro, he was a very kind and gentle boy that Kyojuro had met during his hashira meeting and his last mission. Tanjiro had come by one day to deliver some last words from Kyojuro to y/n, which made her burst out into tears, then proceeding to grasp Tanjiro into a hug, causing the young boy to cry as well. Ever since that day, the both of them wrote frequently to one another, with y/n telling him about her pregnancy, wishing him luck on his missions and other things. Tanjiro would write about his missions, or his day, or how Zenitsu and inosuke missed her and how much he loved reading about how y/n and the babies were doing. Another point to y/n on how she knew she was going to have twins, when Tanjiro visited her one day during her early months of pregnancy, he assured her that she was having twins. Still, no one believed the two, though Zenitsu too assured her that she was pregnant with twins.

A few days later, Tanjiro and Nezuko had stopped by to pay a visit to Y/n. It had been around two weeks since they had last seen her, and Tanjiro was dying to speak to her. As Tanjiro and Nezuko walked to her residence, he couldn’t help but think about how much of a mother figure y/n was to him and Nezuko. She reminded him of his mother, her gentle and soft spoken nature caused him to think of his mother when y/n spoke or laughed. When she hugged him the first time they met, Tanjiro was left in a state of shock, the warmth was that of a mother, a loving and kind embrace. They both arrived in front of the mansion and immediately saw the gate open. It was Y/n’s aunt.

“Oh! Tanjiro-kun! Nezuko-chan! Good timing! I just brewed Y/n some tea! Come in! Come in my dears!” Her aunt waved, yanking Tanjiro and Nezuko in before they could even greet her. “Thank you very much Mrs. L/n!” “I told you to call me aunt! We are like family now! Don’t be shy dear!” Mrs. L/n giggled, putting a hand over her mouth, her eyes closed. “Ah yes sorry Mrs— erm auntie.” How much he missed visiting the L/n residence.

“She’s in her room! You know where it is darlings!” Aunt L/n said, before leaving to go get the tea. “Come on Nezuko, let’s go see Y/n!” Tanjiro grabbed Nezuko’s hand and they both quickly made their way to her room. “Y/n.” Nezuko softly said. “Yeah that’s right—!” The doors to y/n’s room slid open, interrupting Tanjiro. “Tanjiro. Nezuko. I’m so happy to see you both again.” Y/n smiled softly, her arms wrapping themselves around the siblings. Tanjiro’s eyes widened, “You can’t be up mother!” He quickly realized what he said, his face flushed red with embarrassment. Y/n laughed weakly, still hugging the two siblings.

After getting settled and drinking some tea, y/n pulled a small box out from her drawer. “I want to give you both something. As you both have been very kind to me, my family and my children.” Y/n said, pulling out two small handkerchiefs, one patterned like Tanjiro’s haori and the other like nezuko’s kimono. Y/n handed them to the two siblings, Tanjiro bowed his head, taking the piece of cloth and looking at it closely. It was a snowy mountain, it reminded him of his home, the snow, the trees, the grey sky. Y/n was taken by surprise when Tanjiro embraced her, tears falling from his eyes. “I’m—.” Tanjiro started but was cut off by y/n embracing him back tightly, Nezuko joining in, both children nuzzling themselves into Y/n’s hug. “You both, are one of the many greatest treasures blessed to me. I am so glad to have two wonderful children like you both.” Y/n said in between tears, Tanjiro looked up at her, a warm gentle smiling adoring her face as tears fell from her eyes. The two of them cried softly, Nezuko blinking in surprise at why her two favorite people were crying.

When Akaza arrived later that day, y/n was a bit shocked but she quickly welcomed him into her room. Akaza went to give her an embrace but he stopped midway. She smelt different, and it irritated him. Just who the hell was she seeing during the day? He had gotten familiar with a few scents, her aunt, her uncle, three friends that she refused to give the names of, but these two new scents were just unbearable, he had smelt one of them somewhere before, but he couldn’t remember from where. Y/n picked up on his new mood and looked down slightly, preferring not to say anything, as Akaza could easily get annoyed when he is in deep thought. Y/n sighed, pushing a piece of her hair behind her ear. Suddenly, a wave of pain hit her like a rock, she didn’t know what it was but it was almost as if it was a cramp. She let out a small gasp, covering her mouth quickly so Akaza couldn’t hear her, but Akaza had noticed and was already by her side.

“What’s wrong Y/n? What hurts? Tell me! Where is the medicine? Come on! It has to always be near you! You know this!” He cried, looking around for the medicine Shinobu had given to y/n for pain. “It’s in the cabinet. Top shelf.” Y/n replied, putting her hand on her stomach. As Akaza was looking for her medicine, she started to hum a tune, rubbing her stomach to soothe the babies down. “On wintery days, up on the snowy hills, a house not far from the village—.” A few small kicks from her stomach caused y/n to stop singing. She was surprised, her babies have never kicked once. Akaza froze immediately at how silent the room had become, he swiftly took the medicine and was by y/n’s side in less than a few seconds. “What happened?” He questioned, glancing back and forth at her and her stomach. “The babies, just kicked me.” Y/n answered, tears brimming from her eyes. Akaza was in shock, his eyes moved to look at y/n’s, she looked back at him, her eyes now sparkling like the stars. “Akaza-kun, I want you to know something.” Y/n started, picking up his hand and moving it towards her stomach, placing it on top. “I might die, giving birth to the babies. But it is worth my own life, as any other mother would do the same for their children. These babies, will have a life worth living, they will be able to experience what it is to grow, to love and to cry. Even though, their parents won’t be around.” Akaza’s eyes widened at her words, how could she calmly say such things? Does she not fear death? Why is that? How is that possible? No, he could not let her die, not when she had children to live for. “You can not die. You must not die!” He cried, gripping her hands tightly, causing her to flinch and look at him with surprise. “These children, can not live without a parent! They need you! Their mother! Their mother is most important person in the world! That is why you can not die! Their fathers may not be alive when they are born and when they grow up! But they will have you! And you will tell them all about their fathers, their lives and their wills! So you have to promise me….” He paused, staring intently into y/n’s eyes, who’s eyes have started to spill more tears. “…you have to promise me that you will live! For you! And for our children!” Akaza yanked y/n into a kiss, he could not be able to cry one single tear, as much as he wished he could, but y/n knew this, as she was crying much more now. “I will have to leave you. This is my last visit. I only wish. We could have spent much more time together. If only then…if only, no, this is how it must be. I’m sorry. I—.” The words wouldn’t come out of his mouth, he couldn’t say it, he didn’t have the courage to do so. Y/n gently gripped his hands, bringing them up to her heart. Akaza stared in awe, as y/n’s tears finally stopped.

Why did it have to be like this? Why couldn’t they just be together a bit more? Was it too much to ask for? He was going to be a father, after all these years, and yet he had to leave it all behind. His little affair with Y/n, his own child, his love, his kindness, his warmth, it would be all gone. All of this happiness will disappear after he leaves, after he steps foot out of her mansion, the final battle was approaching, and y/n knew it too. Why was the world like this? No, he had a role to fulfill, he must continue fighting, no matter the cost. Akaza was a demon, he ate and murdered humans. He was a monster, a very strong monster too, yet this woman who someone managed to entangle with his emotions, caused him to see beauty in the world just for a little bit. The woman who’s fiancé he had killed with his own hands, he took her only happiness away and still she found new happiness with him. And now, with twins on the way, she would be happy even more. How beautiful. Akaza felt himself stand up with y/n by his side, going near the window in the room, they stood in front of it, hands intertwined together. She kissed the knuckles of his hands, and opened her mouth,

“You are one of the most understanding, kind, respectful and wonderful persons I have ever met in my life. I am thankful for having such a sweet person with me for this long. I owe you so much Akaza-kun. So please take care of yourself.” She reached her hand out towards his cheeks, his eyes widening with confusion, her smile, was the most genuine he had ever seen on a person throughout his entire life as a demon. “Fight with honor, and do the best you have ever done in your entire life, as this is the last blessing I will give you…” Y/n’s hands fell to her sides, her eyes glimmering with passion and determination. He knew this was it, this was their last day together. As he jumped from her window, into the garden, and onto the fence. He looked back one more time to see her, just to see her before he left for good, his heart aching as he heard her words slip from her mouth.

“Akaza-kun. I love you too.”

[magicrowiswritingstuff]

"Rings" - Din Djarin x female!reader

(GIF by Me ... this was a hassle to create, I tell you guys)

Summary: You give something up that is very important to you to save Din's life.

Warning: injury/blood, a bit of violence, near-death experience, death of someone close to the reader (only mentioned)

Disclaimer: I normally try to give the reader as little backstory as possible but that wasn't an option here. So, please just roll with it.

Category: angst/fluff

Words: about 8.000

Note: Today’s my birthday (it’s already the 30th December where I live) so, have this piece of my writing as a sort of present from me to you! I must say I’m very proud to have finished this before the end of 2020. Letting you decide what I should write next and just reading your interest in my ideas definitely motivated me to write. So, thank you! <3 Note 2: I hope y’all enjoy it, I was a bit nervous because I rewrote a lot of it since it always felt like something wasn’t right or missing. The first draft was 4.000 words and I only wanted to check for any grammar mistakes and … well, you see what happened xD I also wish y’all a (early) happy New Year! I hope 2021 will be better for all of us.

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“Rings” – Din Djarin x fem!reader

You sat on the pilot seat of the Razor Crest, staring outside at the dark void of space speckled with star streaks. Mando was sleeping, the Child too, so you had some time for yourself that you didn't know how to spend efficiently. The autopilot was on and the ship wasn't in the need of any repairs, so you didn't even need to be awake right now but you didn't feel tired enough to fall asleep either. Absentmindedly you twisted one of your rings in your fingers to pass the time. It was a metallic-silver ring that looked like two intertwined ones, nothing engraved into it, no jewels on it, quite uneven. It was an unremarkable ring, a simple ring. Still, from all the rings on your fingers this one meant the most to you. This ring was your go to distraction when you were bored and your comforter.

 "What are you doing?" a modulated voice asked behind you. Flinching you dropped your hands in your lab and spun around in the chair to face the Mandalorian. You furrowed your brows at him to silently scold him. How was he able to move without making a single sound in that metal armor of his? After a while you shrugged your shoulders in answer. "Nothing, really." Turning back around you stared out of the window again with a sigh. "I'm just ... bored." A small smile found its way on your lips as you crossed your arms before your chest and leaned back in the chair, knowing fully well that Mando stood dumbfounded behind you because you were sitting in 'his' seat. Though as long as he wasn't saying anything there was no problem, right? You had to suppress the small snort that would have threatened to spill over your lips otherwise. "Is the Child still sleeping?" you asked instead after a while in which you hadn't heard the Mandalorian move at all. But for all you might know he could have already walked back down or he could stand right behind you. "Yes" he answered shortly, his voice still sounded like he stood in the doorway to the cockpit. So, he hadn't moved. "Good" you retorted before standing up, thinking you had tortured the silent Mandalorian enough, and sat down on one of the co-pilot seats. Mando stood still for a few moments longer before also sitting down in his seat. You two stayed silent after that and after a while you resumed back to twisting the ring between your fingers in boredom.

"Do you ever take those rings off?" His rough voice startled you once more. Perplexed you looked up to see him slightly turned towards you in his chair and just blinked at him a few times. Then you raised one eyebrow at him with a mischievous spark in your eyes. "Do you ever take that helmet off?" you shot back with a grin. You of course knew the answer and Mando knew that too so you didn't expect more than a short huff from him. He let out a snort and shook his head in what you guessed was amusement. Sometimes it was hard to read his body language but you were proud to say that you slowly got better at it. "What do they mean to you?" he tried again. "Awfully chatty today, aren't we?" you teased but you had to note that you were grateful for him seemingly opening up to you more. Mando shrugged in answer. You looked back down at your hands and the many rings adorning them as your smile fell. "Most of them mean nothing" you explained. "I just think they're pretty. I like shiny metal." You shot the man in shiny armor a side glance and a sly grin, trying to fall back into a more carefree attitude. If he understood your teasing he didn't react, though you could swear he had wide eyes underneath that helmet of his. But maybe you were just projecting. After a while he cleared his throat which made you giggle. He had understood it after all.

 "You said most of them, so which do have a meaning to you?" You grew quiet, staring back down at the ring you had twisted in between your fingers until now. The grin vanished from your features and only left a frown behind. Your throat closed up. You have never told anyone about this but some part of you wanted to share this with the Mandalorian you had grown closer to after all these months on the Razor Crest. "It's sentimental and stupid" you began and removed the ring from your finger. You held it over your face and turned it in the dim light. "My father made it." "Is he a blacksmith?" You felt your body stiffen up and slid the ring back on. "He was." The silence was awkward and filled with tension as your eyes hardened in an desperate attempt to hold back the tears. You wanted to tell him this but you refused to cry. You wouldn't cry in front of him. Everyone had lost somebody. "I'm sorry." You shook your head, quickly wiped the wetness round your eyes away so he wouldn't notice and leaned back into the chair, crossing your arms before your chest once more and closed your eyes. "Don't be." You heard the Mandalorian busy himself with switches and buttons after that. Opening one eye you saw him facing away from you, shoulders tense and squared. Another small, and this time more strained, grin formed on your lips. You forced to look more cheerful again. "And as you just saw, I do take them off, tin head." The Mandalorian huffed a short, modulated laugh as you closed your eyes again, twisting the ring, your comforter in between two fingers once more.

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  "Where is it!?" Your desperate cry echoed through the Razor Crest, alarming the Mandalorian who immediately jumped up from the pilot seat and climbed down the ladder. When he turned to face you, his heart beating painfully against his ribs, he saw you kneeling on the floor, your hair still wet from the shower you had just taken, damping the shirt around the area of your shoulders and neck. He paused, furrowing his brows in confusion. "What are you searching?" he asked perplexed, his heart slowing down again when he realized you or the kid weren't in any danger. "My ring!" you exclaimed panicked. "I took them off to shower and now I can't find the one I- the one my father made." The Mandalorian's gaze followed you as you scanned the floor, worrying that it might have rolled away. With all the boxes standing around it would be impossible to find it if it really had rolled into the clutter of materials. You huffed under your breath. Mando let his eyes trained on you before a delighted squeak caught his attention. Slowly he turned to face the kid who was sitting on his cot, admiring a shiny metal ring in his tiny hands with big, round eyes. You, however, continued to mutter under your breath, cursing yourself and swearing to never take it off again. Only when you heard Mando's chuckle did you pause and stood up to face him. You stared at him in confusion, your eyes wide. You had never heard such a soft sound leave his modulator before. He did laugh around you sometimes, that was nothing new, but it only ever was a short snort of a laugh or a dry one. Never such a soft, pure sound of delight. And then it had to be the moment your heart was racing and your hands were shaking in fear of having lost something forever. You furrowed your brows. "What's so funny?" you asked irritated. Thinking about how he would react if he couldn't find a piece of his armor, or his helmet even. You knew it was petty. After all you had only lost a ring and Mando's armor was part of his creed, deep-rooted within his beliefs. You couldn't help feeling slightly angry though.

 The Mandalorian didn't answer and instead tilted his head to his cot, your gaze following his movement. And when you laid eyes on the Child holding your ring, you had to control yourself to not slap your hand against your forehead hard. Instead, you buried your hot face in your hands and groaned. How wasn't this your first instinct? You straightened up and sat down in front of the kid "Kid, give me that please" you demanded nicely with your hand outstretched. The Child tilted his head and looked at you with his big, round eyes in curiosity. "Please" you pressed staring at the ring that hovered dangerously close to the kid's mouth. You could try to snatch it out if his grasp but you didn't want to risk him accentually swallowing it if he refused and defended his newly found treasure. Mando watched you in silence, arms crossed before his chest. He was almost about to speak up, he wanted to remind you that the kid wouldn't give it back so easily. He as well as you knew that because of the small ball from the switch in the cockpit the little one always stole. But before he could even open his mouth the kid let the ring fall into your palm, leaving the Mandalorian in a loss for words. The Child looked at you, his eyes saddened as if to apologize. You slipped the ring back on immediately, staring at your fingers that now all had their respected ring back. Then you squished the Child's cheeks in thanks and he squealed in joy. "I almost had a heart attack" you jokingly said and looked at the still silent Mandalorian as a breathy laugh left your lips. It was this moment did he realize what a strong bond you and the Child had built over those months you had now been on the Razor Crest. And it left him with a feeling he couldn't quite place in any category. Was it joy? Pride? Maybe both, maybe something else. He shook his head, directing his attention back at you as you straightened up with the kid in your arms, an exhausted smile on your lips. "Crisis overcome" you joked, the relief in your voice however was unmistakable.

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  After that little incident you never took that ring off again. All the other ones weren't that important, you didn't care if the Child grabbed one of them but the ring your father had made was of limits. But you knew that Mando was interested in it, about its story and the importance it had to you. He hadn't told you much about him so you hadn't told him much about you either when he had first approached you with the proposition to you give you a job on the Razor Crest. Back then you didn't really care who he was, you just needed some credits and the Child was cute so that was a plus. You were mostly a mechanic for the ship and the weapons at first but you soon fell for the little one’s charm and became somewhat of a caretaker for him as well. Mando had offered to raise your wage many times since you took on more than he had planned but you always had and always would refuse. You cared for the Child because you wanted to not because you were paid for it. And to be honest, the credits he did gave you for repairs on the ship and looking over the weapons every once in a while, you always ended up spending for the kid or for something that was needed on the ship anyways. So, it really wasn't that much of a job anymore to you and rather ... a strange companionship of sorts. And because of that you decided to offer a deal to the Mandalorian because you also grew more interested in your mysterious travel companion. After months on board, you wanted to finally get to know him more.

 "Since you seem so interested in my ring, I'm going to propose a deal" you proclaimed, straightening up in the co-pilot seat you had sat down earlier. The pilot seat turned to you so Mando could face you more comfortably, his helmet tilted in question. You grinned, proud to be able to at least distinguish the different head tilts he had. "I'm going to answer the questions you have if you tell me something about you in return" you continued after quickly shaking your head to sort your thoughts. You weren't obviously to the way the Mandalorian tensed in his seat, seemingly expecting to have to answer the questions that were burning on your tongue ever since you grew to like him more. So you shook your head at him as an answer to his silent question. "I'm not going to ask you something directly so you can choose what you want to reveal about yourself. I'm satisfied with anything." He nodded, agreeing to your proposition.

 You removed the ring from your finger and grabbed Mando's hand, he stiffened up again immediately. You let out a short chuckle. "Relax" you snorted and placed the ring in his palm. His head shot from his hand to your face in what you knew was shock and confusion. With a toothy grin you shrugged your shoulders. "I know you want to know more about it. You aren't that hard to read after a while" you explained with a grin. "And I know you won't eat it, unlike the Child." That made the Mandalorian laugh in agreement before looking back down at the sliver ring in his palm. The soft sound of his real laughter and not the stifled snorts he would normally only let out made you shiver for some reason. For a while he just stared at the ring in complete silence, obviously not knowing where to start. Then he cleared his throat and tilted his helmet only slightly upwards, almost unnoticeably but you caught it, knowing that he was now looking at you. "You said your father made it?" You nodded but knew he wanted to ask more, however, he seemed unsure of how far he could go so you decided to elaborate a bit more. "Yes, he did. He was mostly an armorer, though" you declared. "That ring was the first and only jewelry he ever crafted which is why it's so bumpy." You let out a short laugh and leaned back into the seat, staring out of the window and only glancing at the Mandalorian from the corner of your eye from time to time.

"He taught me a lot about different kind of weapons which is why I'm so good at repairing them, not so much with creating them from scratch like he was though." You crossed your arms before your chest and bit your lip, just letting yourself think for a moment and trying to hold back tears that threatened to spill again. "Back then I never thought all that knowledge would come in handy. I often complained because I wanted to go out and play with my friends and not look at melted metal all day" you resumed, trying to distract yourself with it. "I never thought I would need the things he taught me to save a Mandalorian's ass." That made Mando laugh once more but this time in protest. "If I recall correctly, I save you much more often" he pointed out. "You recall incorrectly" you teased but knowing the truth in his words. You would never admit it out loud, though, you liked to joke around with him too much.

 "Something else you want to know?" you asked, distracting him from your teasing since he had grown quiet after that. The Mandalorian nodded. "Yes. You don't have to answer if it's too personal or you don't want to but-" he started, seeming conflicted. "How did he die?" You gulped, not having expected that kind of direct question from him. Your gaze returned to the large window, staring at the sparkling void that was space again. "He was killed" you stated, your voice suddenly sounding rather strained. You took a deep breath and forced yourself to carry on. "He got caught in the crossfire of some stupid criminal organizations on my home planet." You saw Mando slowly nod from the corner of your eyes before he stretched out his hand to you for you to take your ring back. You straightened up again and turned to face him, reaching for it. "I'm sorry" the Mandalorian said in a soft, quiet tone. Even fainter than the chuckle you have heard from him before. You froze mid motion before shaking your head and swiftly grabbed the ring, sliding it back on your finger. "As I said once already, don't be. It's been forever ago." You suddenly felt a bang in your chest and a tightness in your heart. It still hurt. And before you could prevent it you let out one sharp sob, clutching the finger with your father's ring on it with your other hand and bend over. You missed him, even after all this time you still missed him more than anything. After that one sob only silent tears dropped down your face but you didn't hear the Mandalorian standing up. Only when you felt his hands on your shoulders did you realize that he was in front of you. Your head snapped up to stare at the black of his visor through your tears. The touch felt soothing and you realized that you craved more. You didn't feel like you were allowed to hug him tough, so you stayed put, lowered your head and tried to calm down under his gaze and touch. When the tears finally ran dry, you nodded to tell him that you were fine and he could sit down again but he didn't move. You glanced up, raising one eyebrow at him in question. He didn't say anything and just stared back from behind his visor. Then he moved his hands from your shoulders to your face, cupping your cheeks. You froze with wide eyes as he wiped away the last traces of your tears. For a few moments you just stared at him, mouth agape but before you could form any words -even though you had no idea what you wanted to say anyway- he moved away and let himself fall stiffly onto the pilot seat. You two just sat there, still facing each other but neither dared to speak up. You were shocked and flustered. And the Mandalorian probably felt the same way. Out of instinct you began to twist the ring in your fingers again. Your mind was blank. Did this really just happen or had you hallucinated all that? You shook your head and cleared your throat. "So, ehm ... what did you decide to share with me?" you asked, changing the topic and distracting yourself from your thoughts. "What secret do you want to expose?" The Mandalorian didn't move or react, probably thinking about what to say, what to reveal or still wondering about what he had done just now. After many moments in which your heartbeat was the only thing you could hear echoing in your ears he finally spoke up, saying one single word.

 "Din."

 Confused you furrowed your brows at him. "Din?" You tested the foreign word on your tongue, weighting it as if you could understand its meaning that way. But you couldn't recall ever hearing it before. You shook your head, signaling him that you didn't understand. "Din Djarin. It's my name." Your eyes widen in surprise, your mouth opened and closed without producing a sound. You didn't expect him to reveal that. "I thought you would tell me something like, I don't know, you secretly like to dance or something like that" you stammered, caught off guard. The Mandalorian laughed. Not a small, soft chuckle but a load, heartfelt laugh that made his shoulders shake as he leaned back into his seat. You joined in, his laughter was too contagious not to, you didn't hear it often enough to not enjoy it.

 "Din..." you tested the word, his name, again after the laughter had died down. A sly grin found its way on your lips, the tears from before already forgotten but the ghost if his touch still lingered. "I wasn't that far of with ‘tin‘ head then." This made the Mandalorian snort. After that the ship grew silent once more and the two of you were staring out the window. After a while you leaned forward to steal a glance at him. "Do you like to dance?" you asked curiously with one raised eyebrow, shattering the silence without a second thought. "Wouldn't you like to know" he teased back, his grin audible by the challenging tone of his voice.

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  You stood there, the Child tightly pressed against your chest in a protective manner, body frozen, your eyes wide in worry and disbelief. You couldn’t remember how you ended up there, everything had happened so fast. One minute you and Mando stood next to each other near the arena of the dirty rust planet you were on (you had just wanted to get some more food and supplies) and spoke to some guy that had approached you. His eyes had something in them that made your skin crawl and the hairs on the back of your neck stand up in uneasiness but you couldn't even open your mouth to share your concerns. The next moment the guy had pressed a button on his wrist band and Mando fell down a hole, ending up inside the arena. You ran to look over the railing to see him standing in the mud in the middle of the stadium that was halfway full with hungry eyes of spectators. Even from the distance you could see the anger radiating from Din by the way his shoulders squared. With an equally as angry glare you turned to the guy. "What do you think you are doing?" you snarled, pressing the kid against you protectively with one hand and grabbing your blaster with your other one, aiming it at the guy's head. "Release him this instant!"

 "If you shoot me" the man growled, pressing another button. "Your friend will be eaten alive." You heard the screeching of a metal gate and when you turned to look at Din again you saw a huge beast had entered the arena. The thing was at least three times larger than a mudhorn and immediately aggressive towards the intruder, towards Din. The beast ran towards him, it didn't even bat an eye when the Mandalorian aimed his fire thrower at the beast’s face. It clawed at him, grabbed him and hurled him across the stadium. Din landed on his back many meters away. Slowly he rose again, probably groaning in pain but you were too far away to hear anything except for the beast’s roars. He was only barely able to dodge another attack of the monster. You turned back to face the guy, your blaster slowly lowered until it was aimed against the floor. "What do you want with him? With us?" you asked, placing your blaster back into its holster on your hip. You needed to figure something out, fast. Or Din would get seriously injured if he wasn't already. "Do you know what a spectacle this will be? Spectators will come weeks after his defeat, hoping to see something equally as thrilling!" You shuddered, wondering what kind of sick planet you once again ended up on. You couldn't believe the audacity that guy had. Trapping a Mandalorian? Did he know what the Mandalorian could do when Din would get his hands on him? You turned to look down at the stadium in concern once more, just able to witness the beast pinning Din down with one of its claws. Any sound he could have made, very cry for help that could have been directed to you was drowned out by the cheers of the audience. Any bleeding injury he might have had was covered by mud, he might have suffered a concussion too by the way the beast had slammed him against the ground but you couldn't do anything and only watch in horror. The Child in your arms grew restless, obviously worried about the Mandalorian, too. You instinctively began to rock him in your arms and shielded his eyes with your body. He shouldn't have to watch this.

 "What do you want?" you questioned, spinning back around. "There is nothing you can give me" the man stated with a disparaging look. "What do you want? I'll give you anything if you just release him!" you yelled, your eyes wide in worry. Your heart beat against your ribs so fast you feared it would spring free any moment. You had never sounded so desperate in your life before. You had never feared so much for Dins' life before. The ringmaster took his time, however, stroking his chin theatrically. Seconds seemed to last for hours as the cheers of the audience echoed in your ears, your eyes tearing up in frustration. "Please!" you pressed, desperately reaching one hand out to the man. His eyes landed on it. "How about those shiny rings on your hands? Shiny metal is rather rare here on this rusty planet" he proposed. You froze, staring down at your outstretched hand. He wanted ... all your rings? "Deal?" he asked just when another roar of the beast shook through your bones. "Deal!" you yelled immediately, anger heating up your eyes. The man nodded and pressed a few buttons. You turned and saw the beast suddenly slumped over, lying unmovingly in the mud. The audience grew silent. Din didn't move. You grabbed the railing, leaning over as your eyes darted over his unmoving for still underneath the beast claw, unable to focus as your heart hammered against your ribs. "Mando!" Your scream echoed through the arena, your blood ran cold. Oh Maker, what if you hesitated for too long? You opened your mouth to scream again when you saw movement. Din freed himself from under the monster’s claw with huge effort. You sighed, your body almost falling completely limp and only help upright by your grip on the railing. You only dared to breathe in when he stood on his legs again. "Time to pay up, girly" the guy demanded as two guards walked up to Din to probably bring him out of the arena. You slowly turned around and gritted your teeth. The sleezy man had stretched out a hand for you to put your rings in it. With your eyes hardening you began to remove the rings from your hands. You heart seemed to break when you slid the last ring from your finger and laid it in the guy's hand. But you didn't hesitate, even though you felt like you just lost a part of yourself. The man nodded satisfied and put them in his pocket.

 "(Y/N)?" You span around when you heard Din's faint voice behind you and immediately ran towards the Mandalorian. You held the wriggling Child against your chest with one hand and put your other one on Din's chest in a small attempt to steady him. "Are you alright?" you asked in a hushed tone, looking him up and down with in worry furrowed brows. You couldn't see any blood, just mud. But that didn't have to mean anything. His ribs could be broken for all you knew. Your eyes landed on his side where his clothes were ribbed. Din winced, answering your question that way. Without another second to waste you stepped to stand beside him and wrapped your free arm around his middle. He didn't even protest and just leaned against your side, as you led him away from the arena and back to the Razor Crest. "Let's get out of here. Fast."

 Back on the Razor Crest you put the Child in his orb, closing it so he wouldn't have to see his adoptive father in that state. When you turned you saw Din slumped against the wall of the ship, his chest heaving. "For the love of- Din, sit down!" you yelped, grabbed his shoulders and pressed him down against the wall so he could still lean against something. He winced again as you ran to get the med kit. You kneeled down in front of him and scanned his body for wounds but you still couldn't see anything with his mud-covered armor in the way. Your eyes focused on the whole in the clothes by his side. "I need to take your armor off" you announced, your voice wavering even with your efforts to suppress it. "Not the he-" Din began but you cut him off. "I know! Maker, I know. Save your energy, please!" You didn't mean to sound so harsh but you were unable to control your voice as you felt the panic rise in your chest. You began to try and take off his armor but your hands were shaking so much you could barely hold onto the pieces. "(Y/N)" Din mumbled and grabbed your hands. You head snapped upwards, you opened your mouth to ask him what he needed when he suddenly slumped forward. "Din?" you asked with wide eyes and shook his hand that was still loosely around your own. "Din!" He didn't react. Cursing and with tears already threatening to spill out your eyes you let go of his hands and instead sneaked two fingers underneath his helmet and to his neck, searching for his pulse. You sighed. It was still there, he was just unconscious. You swallowed the panic down, put your arms underneath his armpits and heaved him away from the wall so you could lay him down on the floor. Not the most comfortable place but the most practical. Then you quickly removed his armor. When he only wore his shirt, pants and helmet you had to force yourself to keep going as you saw the blood had already covered most of his side in a deep red. With no time to lose you opened the med kit, grabbed the scissors and cut open his blood-soaked shirt. Your breath got stuck in your throat when you saw the deep cut going down his side. You couldn't even curse, you just froze. The scissors fell down to the floor with a clutter. You could stitch up wounds and treat smaller injuries but you weren't medically trained for this. You weren't qualified... How were you supposed...?

 The squeak beside you made you jump. Your eyes darted around aimlessly until they finally locked into the Child who was standing next to you. "How did you-?" you were unable to complete the question as the kid walked towards Din. Your eyes widen in realization and you immediately held the Child in your hands to get him closer to Din's wound. He stretched out his tiny hands and closed his eyes in concentration. At first nothing happened, the silence in the Razor Crest was deafening. Then the wound on Din's side finally began to close up and your heart leaped into your throat. The kid whimpered before he went limp after the wound had closed up completely. "Good job, kid" you praised and pressed him against your chest, your voice strained but relieved. You didn't put him in the orb this time and instead in the hammock above Din's bunk. "Get some rest" you whispered and stroker over his head. He would be fine. You furrowed your brows in worry and glanced at Din. You weren't sure about him yet. You patted the little one’s head one more time and then kneeled back down next to the still unconscious Mandalorian. You took a deep breath and began to look for more injuries he might have. But luckily you didn't find any more open wounds, only bruises that would continue to hurt for a few days if not weeks even with the bacta you could put on them. And even though he wasn't in mortal danger anymore, you still had to force yourself to keep going, your hands were still shaking violently.

 After you had treated his bruises and had made sure none of his ribs were broken you somehow managed to get him into his cot where he could find some rest. With a heavy heart you had decided to retreat into the cockpit. You had set a curse and activated the autopilot after that. With a sigh you slumped into the pilot seat. There was nothing left for you to do and even though you felt the tiredness in every fiber of your body you couldn't find any rest. Your hands were still shaking from all the fear and adrenaline and your mind was racing in tight circles. You were still worried even though the kid had healed his otherwise fatal wound and you had done everything else you could have. Absentmindedly you reached for the ring, wanted to twist it in your fingers like so many years prior to get some sense of comfort only to grab nothing. You flinched and stared at your hands in shock. For the first time you really felt the absence of your rings against your skin. You gritted your teeth and tried to blink the tears away. The frustration and anger rose inside your chest as you grabbed your hair, tearing at the roots as sobs tore through your throat.

 You must have fallen asleep at some point because the next time you opened your eyes and moved in the pilot's seat pain shot through your back, making you wince. What even woke you up and why were you in the pilot seat? Confused you let out a groan and stretched your back. "Are you alright?" You spun around in shock. The moment your eyes fell onto him you remembered what had happened. "Din!" your voice was sharp but your face was painted with worry. "I should ask you that. Why are you even up here? You should be resting!" You stood up, looked him over and were about to place your hands on his chest when you froze. With your hands hovering over his chest, you stared up at him. The only armor he was wearing was his helmet still but he had put on another shirt. "I'm fine" he said but immediately let out a wince after that. You rolled your eyes. "Yeah, right. Sit down" you commented and grabbed his arms to carefully direct him to the pilot seat. You let your hands on his arms as your eyes looked him up and down. "What is still hurting?" you asked and directed your gaze back to the visor. "It's fine" he repeated and let out a strained cough. You shot him a glare that made him clear his throat. "It's just the bruises." You bit your lip, holding your breath as you feared you would start crying again. You let go of him and wanted to sit down onto the co-pilot seat to take some deep breaths before heading down to get him some medications. But he caught your hand in his before you could, pulling you back to him. His visor lowered and he stared at your empty hands, not one single ring was adorning your fingers now. He knew what you had done to get him out of that arena and to say he felt guilty would be an understatement. "Thank you." You shook your head. "The kid healed you, I... I didn't do much" you explained, patting his gloved hand that was still around yours. "No" he shook his head. "Thank you." You stared at him in confusion before your eyes fell down to your hands. You furrowed your brows as you looked at your empty hands in sadness. "You gave them all up?" his voice was quiet, barely a whisper his modulator struggled to pick up. You nodded, eyes hardening. "Yeah? They were just stupid metal anyway, don't worry" you blocked with a shrug of your shoulders. You freed your hands from his. "I'm going to check on the kid and get you some painkillers. Don't move" you warned him with a small and what was supposed to be a playful smile but it turned out more like a strained grimace. Even with the false cheerful tone in your voice, you both knew that you had lied about the rings. The traces your tears had left behind were enough prove for that.

  _______________

  To say you didn't notice the absence of your rings, the absence of one in particular, would have been a lie. Even after weeks you still missed the metallic clank they would make whenever you touched something on the ship. You missed absentmindedly twisting the one ring between two fingers. You felt their absence more heavily than when they had been on your hands. You distracted yourself as far as that was possible. The first days you busied yourself with tending Din's bruises. You had already used all of the bacta on him but you had found some salve that should help against the swelling and pain. After maybe a week he was fit again so you had to find another distraction, which was the kid. And when the kid was asleep you busied yourself with repairs on the ship until you would pass out in your own bed. Din wasn't oblivious to your state and you knew that he felt guilty. After all you had traded them in for him. And even if you told him it was alright, you knew he didn't believe you. He would continue to feel responsible for it no matter what you told him which was stupid because his life meant more to you than some worldly possession. You still missed them but you would always act the same. So, you tried to not show him your gloomy state. But he noticed it anyway. He knew what that ring meant to you after all.

 You laid in your makeshift bed -too tired to busy yourself with any work today- while the kid played by your side with something he had found. You only paid attention halfheartedly, just enough to be able to react should he try to eat it. Din had gone out to the nearest town's market, asking you to stay on the ship with the Child. You didn't put up a fight, nodded and laid down immediately after he had left. The less you had to move the better. But Din had been out almost all day now, it was already getting darker and you began to worry. You wanted to grab your comlink you had placed next to you only to find nothing. Sitting up you scanned the floor, but the squeal of the Child attracted your attention. Slowly you turned to him and stared at the thing in his hands: your comlink. You smiled at him and stretched one hand out. "Can I have that back, please?" The Child stared up at you with his big, dark eyes, tilting his head in curiosity. "You can have it back after I called Din" you added. And if he understood you or not was open to debate but he let the comlink fall into your hand either way. "Thanks, buddy" you said and stroker over his head with a strained smile before booping his nose. He squealed in delight. Chuckling you placed him on your lap and let him play with the fingers of your free hand while activating your comlink with the other. "Mando, come in. Where are you?" you asked. No answer. You waited. You were about to repeat your question when the device sprang to life. "I'm on my way back" was all he said before the comlink in your hand fell silent again. Shrugging your shoulders, you gave it back to the kid, watching him play with it more closely than before.

 You were still sitting on your improvised bed, the Child had fallen asleep in your lap, when the ramp on the side of the ship opened up. Unmoving you watched as Din walked in, the ramp closing up behind him again. He didn’t address you but he seemed strangle energetic as he put the supplies he bought away. You raised one eyebrow at him in question but he didn't look your way. Only when he was finished did he walk up to you, coming to a halt a few inches before you. Tilting your head upwards you just watched him questioningly. "I have something for you" he said and by the sound of his voice you were pretty sure he was smiling. With a puzzled look you furrowed your brows. For you and not the Child? He nodded as if he had heard your silent question. Still confused you stood up, sitting the still sleeping kid down in Din's sleeping pot. "What is it?" you asked intrigued, unable to suppress the childlike wonder shining in your eyes. The Mandalorian didn't speak up and instead just opened up his hand. You froze. "What?" With wide eyes you stared at the small silver ring lying in his palm. A ring that looked like two intertwined ones. Your mouth fell open as your eyes shot up to meet his dark visor. "What is this? It's not the original one, it's far too shiny, unworn and too skillfully made but- what?" you rambled before your eyes fell back down. Hesitantly you reached out, grabbing it with two fingers and inspected it in the artificial light of the Razor Crest. The ring was fairly similar but... "It's ... heavy" you stated. Not necessarily 'heavy' just ... it weighted more than the metal rings you had worn before.

 "It's made out of beskar." Your mouth fell open once again as you stared into the black visor. "I let it be made out of a piece of my armor" he sounded strangely flustered, body stiff and unmoving. You were unable to say anything so you just smiled at him. It was small but grateful, the first real smile after you had traded them in. You realized that this was his way of thanking you for your sacrifice. You couldn't suppress the rolling of your eyes. Then your attention went back to the ring in your palm when you suddenly noticed something engraved into the inside of the ring. "What is that?" you asked him, tilting the ring so he could see it too. He chuckled slightly. "May I?" he asked as he reached for the ring. You nodded. He took the ring to read the words out loud to you. With a puzzled look you just stared at him. "It's a phrase in Mando'a" he added. For some reason you felt your face heat up. He let something engrave in it in his native tongue? "What does it mean?" "It translates to: 'I'm still alive, but you are dead. I remember you, so you are eternal.' It's supposed to be in remembrance..." he didn't finish but he didn't have to, you knew what he meant. You froze, blinking unmovingly up at the Mandalorian. He stretched out one hand, signaling you to put yours inside. When you did that, he pulled you a bit closer to him and placed the ring on the finger where you had always worn the one made by your father. You were stunned and opened your mouth to thank him but he spoke up first. "I know it won't replace the actual ring but I wanted to give you something because I ... I feel responsible." Your face fell as you drew your hand back. "Din!" you scolded him harshly, making the Mandalorian flinch. You would have laughed at that if you weren't so frustrated. "Stop that! It's okay, they were only metal. Even with the sentimental value it was still just an object." The Mandalorian shrugged his shoulders and tilted his head down as if he was embarrassed. With a heavy sigh you stepped closer to him and grabbed both his hands in between yours. "It hurts to have lost something my father had made" you continued, staring unblinkingly into the black of his visor. "But do you really think I would have let you die for it? You mean more to me than some stupid ring!" Without a second thought or any hesitation you wrapped your arms around Din and hugged him tightly. The armor was a bit uncomfortable but that didn't matter to you in that moment. Burying your face into the cold chest plate you furrowed your brows. "Sometimes you're such an idiot" you mumbled into his chest, tightening your clutch on him. The Mandalorian stood there like a rock, frozen in place and probably with wide eyes. Then, very slowly, he wrapped his arms around you too. And in that moment, everything felt worth it. Silent tears dropped down your cheeks. "I thought you would die, Din!" you pressed out between gritted teeth, burying your fingers into the fabric of his cape. "I thought I-" you couldn't continue as a lump formed in your throat.

Din hummed in an attempt to soothe your tears but it only made you sob more. Slowly he pulled you off of him. Your gaze fell to the floor, silent tears still dropping out of your eyes. When you felt his gloved hands cupping your cheeks you let him direct your gaze back onto him. He had bend down a bit, so your faces were almost level. "I don't know why I'm crying" you said helplessly, your eyes darting over his helmet, searching for an anchor. "It's okay, (Y/N)" he whispered. For a few seconds you just looked at each other in silence before he pressed his forehead against yours. The coldness of the beskar made you shiver as you stared at him wide eyed. "I'm fine." You couldn’t hold back the sobs as you cupped his helmet like he cupped your face. Pressing your forehead against his, you closed your eyes. And suddenly you realized that those tears were all the words you didn't say since that day at the arena. All those worries and fears you had felt in the moments you thought he could be dead already. All those pent-up emotions finally broke free. Only now did your brain realized that Din was alright. And when your tears eventually ran dry, did the fear clutching your heart for all those weeks vanish.

  _______________

  Later that night you sat in one of the co-pilot seats again, watching Din closely as he started the ship and left the planets orbit. Or at least you tried to because your eyes often fell back down to your hand, to the ring Din let be made for you. You two didn't talk much after your tears had finally dried out but you didn't have to. Everything that needed to be said had been with that little gesture of his. With a sigh you sank back further into the seat and took the ring of, twisting it in the light to look at the engraved words once more. A soft smile found its way on your lips. "Hey, Din" you spoke up after a long time of silence in the cockpit. The Mandalorian hummed, tilting his helmet in your direction. "I want you to know that you didn't have to do that for me" you said, staring into the darkness of his visor. "I don't blame you, I never have. I would have gotten over it eventually..." "I know" he answered, turning the seat so he could face you fully. "But I wanted to." He fell silent again but because he was still facing you, you suspected he wanted to say more. So, you waited. "Do you like it?" he finally continued after a long pause. "The ring, I mean." Your smile grew as you nodded. You straightened up and reached for his hand, squeezing it lightly. "I love it" you whispered, your eyes filled with honesty and gratitude. "Thank you."

[amphxtrite]

draco malfoy x fem!reader

part two: a wordless promise

warning: Angst

summary: song fic loosely based off Isak Danielson’s song Broken

A/N: This is my first time writing a fic so sorry for any spelling or grammar mistakes, hope you like it :)

enjoy <3

__________________________________________

Do you need, do you need someone?

Are you scared of what's to come?

If you leave then who will the next one be?

Will he do the same or will he let you see

“y/n, I’m breaking up with you.”

your heart stops, you can feel the tears welling in your eyes, but you refuse to let them fall just yet.

“Draco.” you start, “w-what did I do wrong?” you curse yourself for stuttering, but the words just won’t come out properly.

“I- I don’t think this is working y/n. We can’t be together when you’re a filthy, useless half-blood.” he spits

Draco’s face remains stoic and cruel, but on the inside he’s breaking down. He doesn’t want to do this, but he won’t let Voldemort or any of his vile followers put a target in your back for being in a relationship with him. He won’t put you in that kind of danger.

“you-you don’t mean that. Draco.” you cry out pain written on all your features. “I love you, you said you didn’t care I was a half-blood! I need you please, please don’t break up with me.” your voice is reduced to a gentle plea. The tears have flown free now, cascading down your face, you can taste the salty tears, but it’s the least of your worries right now.

Draco’s heart tightens in his chest, you were right, he doesn’t care your blood status, he never really did, half of him wants to take it all back, tell you the truth and rush back into your arms. His other half knows this isn’t a possibility, that you’d die staying with him. You didn’t deserve a man like him.

“people change.” he states plainly, before turning on his heel and walking away from you as fast as he could. He can feel his own tears begin to well in his eyes, but doesn’t let them fall, he breaks into a run when he knows you can’t see him and rushes into the castle and into an empty classroom. He breaks down. Let’s all the feelings of regret and sadness take over him as he sits, rocking himself back and forth, silently cursing himself for this.

When Draco is no longer in your field of sight you fall to your knees in the wet grass beneath you.

“this, this isn’t real.” you murmur to yourself.

No, you’re going to wake up any second now and your love will be there with his arms wide open to hold you, tell you it was just a nightmare, that he would never leave your side.

you needed him, he was your light in the darkness, your reminder that you were safe and loved, the one who would hold you close when you were scared, hold your hand while you walked to classes, and make sure you were eating when you were studying too hard.

You never woke up from this nightmare, no, this was real. Draco was really gone... your love had left you.

That you don't have to hurt, you don't have to hurt anymore?

With a little time, take a look and find what you're searching for

It had been exactly a month since the day Draco had broken up with you.

It was hard to eat, hard to sleep, or focus on your studies and you became a shell of the person you used to be.

Your h/c hair no longer shined

Your skin seemed to sag and you had grown accustomed to the dark circles under your eyes.

Your uniform seemed to hang very loosely against your form.

It was very obvious to everyone around you that you were not taking the break up well. And your best friend Hermione was trying her best to try and help you.

“c’mon y/n, just take a few bites of your sandwich you haven’t eaten a full meal in weeks!” she whisper shouts to you at dinner.

you simply nod your head at her comment and nibble a bit at your corner of the bread.

Hermione was worried. She knew that you loved Draco with your entire being and that not being with him was taking a toll on you. She wanted her happy best friend back, but she had no idea what to do. Draco seemed to always be avoiding you and Hermione almost never saw him. It had gotten to the point Harry hadn’t been approached by Malfoy’s snide comments once in the month he had broken up with you. She decided to take a different approach to try and get you happy again.

“hey y/n, how about we go to hogsmeade tomorrow, for a butterbear and some sweets from Honeydukes, hm?” she suggests with a smile, she knew her best friends weakness for sweets and decided it would be a good to use to her advantage to help.

“sounds good ‘mione.” you say with a small smile. You were thankful for your best friend’s attempt at making you smile, but really you wanted to just climb into you comfy-bed and wallow in your sadness.

“Good! I’ve got to go, but i’ll meet you tomorrow in the courtyard okay?”

“see you then.” you respond, taking a couple more sips of your pumpkin juice before leaving.

You head back to the y/h common room and head up to the girls dormitory thinking, maybe this was a good thing going out again, having fun. This could be your first step forwards to trying to recover, but a little voice at the back of your head told you that wasn’t going to happen.

You are broken on the floor

And you're crying, crying

He has done this all before

But you're lying, lying

To yourself, that he'll find help

That he will change to someone else

But you're broken on the floor

Still, asking him for more

Draco had tried to break up with you once before, like this time he was scared that you being with him would only hurt you and he couldn’t let that happen, it scared him greatly. He tried to bring himself to do it but only a few seconds after the words tumbled out of his mouth, he started to tear up at the look of hurt on your face and apologized, taking it back and gathering you into his arms, whispering i love you’s in your ear and drying the tears that had just begun to flow.

That was the dream that clouded your mind as you woke up the next morning, Draco apologizing to you for almost leaving, and pulling you in to him, muttering in between kisses that he was sorry and didn’t mean it. you reached up and brushed your lips with your fingers, it was like you could still feel his soft lips on yours, the thought brought even more pain to your heart and you quickly brushed away the thought. You opted for a quick shower before getting ready to hang out with Hermione. Letting the hot water run over your body, you focus on the feeling of how nice the water feels, simply standing there, you realize how long it’s been since you really focused on yourself and your needs. Quickly turning off the shower, and toweling down, you grab your outfit and get dressed, you put on your black track pants, a grey sweatshirt and pull on your coat and a scarf. Slipping your shoes on, you grab your bag and leave.

“Hey ‘Mione!” you shout at the curly haired girl as you enter the courtyard.

“y/n/n!” she runs over to you and wraps you in a hug. She’s glad some of the colour has returned to your skin and your smile is a bit wider.

The duo is soon greeted by Ron and Harry as they make their way to Filch, the boys are cracking jokes and talking about quidditch and when their forms are checked, they’re off.

As you walk through the beautiful village you can’t help but think back to the times Draco and you would come to spend time together, drinking butterbeer and him spoiling you with sweets at Honeydukes, a small smile plays at your lips.

Hermione starts to drag you towards a shop as you finally snap out of your thoughts.

“let’s go y/n! Ronald and Harry are already in the shop!” she laughs as the two of you. rush into the familiar store. You stop for a second to breathe in the intoxicating smell of chocolate and candy, and then you’re rushing around the shops, the golden trio by your side.

“Merlin, there’s so many options.” you breathe out.

“You can’t go wrong with the classics though.” smiles Ron as he throws you a chocolate frog.

“A man of good taste.” you agree and continue to look around to find something new to try.

As you reach out for some kind of taffy that will change your voice, a familiar glint of platinum blonde hair catches your eye, you turn to see the familiar slytherin boy grabbing a couple chocolate frogs, looking lost. You must have been imagining it but Draco looked as bad as you did. His blonde hair was drooping in front of his eyes, his skin was almost a sickly yellow colour, and you could see the dark circles that hung under his beautiful eyes.

You don't have to hurt anymore

your lips turn up at the sight of his eyes lighting up at the chocolate, your thoughts flash black to a day long ago, lying in his 4-poster bed.

“Draco that’s your fourth chocolate frog, is it healthy to be eating that much?” you questioned with a laugh.

He looked at you like a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

“Well, I guess not love, but how can you resist the perfect chocolate taste.” He says slightly airily. Snuggling you closer to his chest.

“I guess you have a point darling.” you sigh, perfectly comfortable in his arms.

“You know what love? I think I love chocolate almost as much as I love you.”

you put your hand up to your chest in mock offence.

“I said almost!” he laughs wrapping his arms around he securely and kissing the top of your head.

Before Draco could catch you staring, you quickly grab the taffy and meet up with the rest of the gang.

Little did you know Draco had also seen you and while you were daydreaming he glanced at you and felt his heart break when he knew you weren’t there with him.

Will you leave or will you carry on?

Is your love from before still strong?

If you leave, will you keep the memory

That made the night so long, that cut so deep?

Paying for your sweets and heading back out into the crisp fall air you let your thoughts run wild. You missed Draco so much, you knew this feeling wouldn’t leave you, you’d be in love with the slytherin till your last breath. Though as much as you loved him, you couldn’t help but wonder, what would your life look like if you did move on? Would you meet someone else? fall in love with them? The thought felt foreign to you and you pushed it away.

The Golden Trio began to head over to The Three Broomsticks for some butter beers, but you decided to excuse yourself and head back to the castle.

“Are you sure y/n?” Hermione questioned.

“Yeah,” continued Harry, “it’ll be fun, besides it still to early to head back”

You smiled at the group.

“I’m sure, you guys go ahead i’ll see you back at the castle.”

Hermione seemed hesitant, she didn’t want to just leave her best friend alone, but the look in y/n’s eyes made her realize she just wanted some time for herself so she nodded her head and followed the boys into the pub.

grateful for your three friend’s understanding, you start to take the trek back to the castle.

You don't have to hurt, you don't have to hurt anymore

With a little time, take a look and find what you're searching for

breathing in the evening air you continue to think to yourself.

Draco was your one, your person, the only man for you. You could never see yourself give that love up. You were deeply head over heels for the blonde boy, even if the words he spoke cut deep.

The words “filthy half-blood” seemed to cut into your soul, making your stomach feel weak. No matter how hard you tried to push those words out of your memories by remembering all the good times, your head seems to give you a harsh reality check.

You didn’t even realize the tears on your cheeks until you felt a gentle wind blow against your face. Deep inside you was the hope that Draco hadn’t meant what he said and that there was a good reason for trying to distance himself from you.

You held onto that hope, held it tightly in your arms, the hope that one day your prince would return to you, when he was ready, when the stars would align and show him that the love he had tried to leave behind was still there waiting, with their arms wide and a smile on their face.

[myglogic]

My Home (Han Jisung x Reader)

Pairing: Han Jisung (Stray Kids) x Reader

Genre: Fluff, a little bit angst, enemies to lovers (not really tbh)

Word count: 4,2K

Summary: A well-deserved vacation was expecting you and your friends. You happen to meet a guy named Cody on your Hawaii vacation. But Jisung is not happy about that.

A/N: Hi! this is my first skz story on this blog with (hopefully) more to come! I didn’t really correct this, so there might be some grammar mistakes. The usual. Hope you like it!

Finally. After a long workday in retail, you got your well-deserved vacation to Hawaii with your closest friends. You are all university students and everyone worked their asses off for this vacation. You hoped that this vacation would let you relax a little. You wanted to sunbathe, meet new people, and have fun. Your friends Chan, Changbin, Jihyo, Taehee, and lastly Jisung were all coming. You didn’t even know if you could call Jisung your friend though.

You loved all of your friends but with Jisung it was a little different. Han Jisung and you were… how could you describe it best? You had a rather playful relationship. You sometimes really didn’t like him, he was loud, pushy but at the same sweet and cared for everyone. It was as if you had a little competition between the two of you. But no one knew what the competition was about. You wouldn’t say you hated him but you would have preferred it if he wouldn’t go to Hawaii with you. He makes fun of you all the time and sometimes you just want to tape his mouth shut.

Chan assured you that he would try to control him. You knew that it was a little too much to ask of him. You were basically asking him to babysit Jisung. You hoped that he would behave himself.

You were working your last shift at the small clothing boutique close to your apartment before your vacation. You already shopped the essentials like a cute bathing suit, sunscreen (LOTS of sunscreen), some cute sunglasses. Mentally, you couldn’t wait to get out of this stupid store. You heard the little bell on the door and looked up to see Jisung.

“Yo, Y/N!”, he shouted and smirked as he walked up to you. “What are you doing?”, he said. He had a smoothie in his left hand which he gave you.

“Thanks.”, you said and accepted his smoothie. “As you can see, I am waiting in an empty store just to get paid.”, you huffed, clearly bored.

Jisung laughed a little, “Well, I can’t wait for our vacation! Oh, by the way, don’t worry about me. I heard the babysitting thing.”

You hit his shoulder, “As if you will leave me alone.”

“Who said anything about leaving you alone? I will be by your side 24/7!”, he said and pocked your cheek, as he bent over the counter. “I will never leave you!”, he said in a dramatic voice.

You put your hand on his mouth, “Shut up! If my boss hears you, she’ll think that I flirt with the customers!”

You wanted to remove your hand but felt something wet on your hand. “Did you just lick my hand?! Ew!”, you started punching his shoulder. “That’s disgusting!”

Jisung giggled, “You’re cute, Y/N. I wouldn’t mind you flirting with me.”, he smirked and tried to defend himself from the punches he was getting from you.

That was how it was between the two of you. Jisung sometimes was a huge flirt but you never took him seriously. Yes, you did find him attractive but you would never tell him that. He messed with you all the time, maybe something was entertaining about this but there were days where you wanted to be left alone.

“I would never do that. In Hawaii, I will find a cute surfer guy and flirt with him instead.”, you said proudly, as you looked at the clock. Just 20 minutes left.

Jisung’s look darkened a little, “No surfer guy would date you. Or even flirt with you.”, he said, with a distaste in his voice.

“Are you jealous?”, you laughed. “Idiot. I’m there to have fun, one person will flirt with me for sure!”

“Yeah, whatever.”, he said, cutting his sentences short. “I’ll leave then. See you at the airport tomorrow.”

Before you knew it, you were on the plane sitting between Chan and Jisung (who was drooling on your shoulder because he took some sleeping meds). You took pictures to blackmail him later on. Taehee and Jihyo were taking pictures and Changbin tried to photobomb them. Successfully. You were really grateful to have such friends. Even on your darkest days, they knew how to cheer you up. You all needed this vacation badly.

You looked at sleeping beauty on your shoulder and softly removed a piece of hair out of his. His hair was dyed blonde, just for this vacation. He said that he wanted to compete with the bright Hawaii sun - just to see who could brighten up the beach more. While he was sleeping, you thought that he looked very peaceful. You could watch him for hours like this. Chan, of course, noticed you touching Jisung’s hair and just smirked at you knowingly. According to Chan, you and Jisung will end up together someday. You profusely refused to believe that.

After the 14-hour flight was over, you went to your big ass hotel room that you got for six people. It was really luxurious and the hotel was amazing. You had the perfect ocean view from your room and you were here to see those things. But before you could go out and explore, you and your friends threw yourselves to the first soft-looking surface to sleep for another three hours. Yeah, economy flights to Hawaii weren’t the most comfortable ones.

After everyone freshened up, you and the girls decided to go down to the beach, whereas the boys decided to check out the pool of the hotel. The beach was lively, there were nice beach bars, people playing beach volleyball and a lot of abs. For real, it looked like a gym if you took a look at some of the bodies on the beach.

You decided to get a cold cocktail to cool yourself down and sat down at one of the stools. As you waited for your drink, you noticed a nice-looking guy who was staring at you, but not in a creepy way. The bartender told you that the guy who was looking at you paid also for your drink. Take that, Jisung.

You smiled in his direction and the brunette guy sat down next to you. He had brown hair with green eyes and was probably one of the most attractive guys on the beach right now. “Hey, I couldn’t help but notice you…”, he said and smiled at you with a dimpled smile.

You blushed a little, “Hi… My name’s Y/N, and yours?”

“Cody. Nice to meet you. You’re not from here, right?”

Cody was his name. You thought he was really cute. But not as cute as Jisu-, you stopped yourself before finishing that thought. What the hell? “Yeah, I came here with my friends from Korea so… What about you?”

“I’m from the States. California, to be exact. I haven’t met anyone as beautiful as you in Cali, though.”, he continued flirting with you.

You moved a little closer. “We don’t have guys like you back home too, I guess it must be fate that we meet here, huh?”

You continued talking to him and you really hit it off until you felt someone tapping on your shoulder. “What are you doing here alone and where are the others?”, Jisung said, looking skeptically at Cody.

“I’m not alone. This is Cody, Cody this is one of my friends Jisung.”, you said and smiled brightly, also giving Jisung a look that said: Go away, I’m having a blast here.

Jisung rolled his eyes and sat down next to you, “Wow Y/N, you’re quick. Meeting new people already!”

You rolled your eyes, “Hey, Cody. Here is my number. How about you call me and we do something together? I will be here for a week.”

Cody came close to your face to whisper, “I’d like that. But next time, come alone.”, he said and winked at you. Then he got up and left.

Then you turned to Jisung, pissed. “Okay, what was that? I clearly gave you a signal to leave!”

Jisung rolled his eyes, annoyed at you bickering with him. “Really? That dude is no good news, Y/N. I was just scanning the situation. You don’t know him.”

You sighed, “Look I appreciate it but really. I can take care of myself. So, where are the others? Over there is a party, let’s dance!”, you said, offering Jisung your hand.

He sighed and took it. “Don’t embarrass me with your dance moves.”

You grinned, “It’s on!”

On the dance floor, you danced the worst possible way, making Jisung move more and more away from you. Just as he was out of the dance floor, you took his hands and pulled him back in, which made him stumble a bit. He stood close to you, the close proximity between you making you feel differently.

Jisung then put his hands on your waist. “Let me show you how to really dance!”, he said and made even weirder dance moves. You both were dancing the night away, laughing, and having fun. But he was really by your side the whole time, just like he told you he would. The next time you had to get rid of him to meet Cody alone.

But right now, you were having the time of your life with Jisung not annoying you for once. It was weird. The way he held your body, the way he looked at you. There was something in his expression that you couldn’t decipher. You had a warm, fuzzy feeling your stomach now. Jisung was giving you his most earnest, brightest smile right now. Maybe it was because of that.

“I hope we don’t get a dancing ban.”, Jisung said, still laughing.

“I don’t even care. They can stop us from dancing on this floor but the embarrassing moves will live on in our hearts.”, you said and smiling at him.

“Spoken like a true queen!”, he said, agreeing with you.

Throughout the next few days, you met Cody more often and he seemed really sweet. Just the summer romance you were looking for. Of course, things with Cody weren’t ever supposed to be serious but you have always imagined finding the perfect guy on a summer vacation. Just like in the movies he was way too perfect for you and sadly the distance separated you. Well, you at least imagined it to be like that.

You really didn’t know anything about him but you honestly didn’t care as long as he didn’t want to murder you. On the first evening you met Cody, Jisung coincidentally was there too.

You met him at the beach where you wanted to swim together a bit. Jisung sat down on his towel. He wasn’t next to you but his eyes were on you and Cody the whole time. How annoying. He then called your other friends over. Jihyo winked at you for finding such an attractive guy on your first day which earned herself a glare from Jisung.

On that evening there was a bonfire. You sat down next to Jisung during that bonfire. “Hey!”, you said, happily.

“You sound happy. Did Mr. America do that?”, he said sarcastically.

“Nah. Not only him. I’m just enjoying everything.”

Jisung made you two some burned marshmallows. “Well, I hope this can make you happy too!”, he said and gave you a hot marshmallow. “Be careful though because-“

Before he could finish his sentence, you put the marshmallow in your mouth, making you squeak a little because of its temperature.

“… It’s still hot.”, Jisung finished his sentence. “Stop panicking dude! Let me help”, he said after seeing you frantically breathing. Jisung softly blew in your mouth to make the marshmallow cool down faster. He moved closer to you to do that.

This must look stupid. That was what you thought. You were burning your mouth and he was trying to help you like that? You must admit he looked cute doing that but you for sure didn’t look cute burning your mouth.

“Better?”, he asked and smiled at you.

“Y-Yeah. Thanks.”, you said swallowing the marshmallow. You didn’t know why but even small gestures like this made your heart swell. Jisung might be annoying but he is the sweetest boy you know.

“No marshmallows for you.”, he said and then put his arm around you. “It’s a little cold.”, he said and used that as an excuse to move closer to you.

You blushed a little, “Huh. Yeah, it is.”

That night you spent like that and every thought of Cody left your head.

On the second day, you invited Cody along to spend time with you and your friends. Cody got along with your friends, except for Jisung, because he didn’t even look at him. You went hiking to the Koko Crater Arch Trail to see the beautiful scenery of Hawaii from another point of view. Cody was with you the whole time, helping you to hike safely by holding your hand if the trail got too steep. Jisung was behind most of the time, not talking a lot. He was acting weirdly and you didn’t know why. But because you were busy trying not to break your leg, you couldn’t talk to him.

The others walked ahead already leaving you with Cody alone. “So that friend of yours… Jisung, was it?”, Cody started as you walked slowly side by side.

You nodded, “Yeah? Why do you ask?”

“He doesn’t seem to like me. Does he have a thing for you or something?”

You burst out laughing, “What? Jisung and me? No, he doesn’t even like me as a friend! I mean we have the same friend circle. It’s not like we hate each other but yeah… That would be weird. Why do you think that?”

Cody laughed at your reaction. “Oh damn, sorry! It’s just whenever I come near you or even touch you, he glares at me like he wants to kill me.”

“He is just a little protective sometimes, especially since we are in a foreign country, I guess. But he is like that with the other girls too.”

“I don’t think so.”, he said and took your hand. “So, nothing is going on between the two of you?”, he asked.

You turned to him, brushing a strand of your hair behind your ear. “I am single, that I can assure you.”

He gave you a full dimpled smile, “I guess it’s okay if I do this then?”, he said and moved closer to you, his face inches away from yours. You gave him a nod and closed your eyes. The next thing you felt was his lips on yours. It was a little rough and he wasn’t the best kisser but hey, it was still sweet.

What you didn’t know was that a pair of eyes saw the whole thing as well. Jisung’s eyes widened. Chan sent him to look for you and Cody since you were separated from the group. But he didn’t expect you to lock lips with said boy. He felt angry and sad at the same time. He didn’t know what to do so he just took a deep breath and waited for you to stop exchange saliva.

You stopped kissing him, looking up at him. “That was nice.”

“It was. I hope that we’ll be doing more of that later?”, he asked you cheekily.

You smirked, “If you earn it, sure.”

“Kinky.”, he said and laughed with you.

You then heard someone clearing their throat. Jisung. Your eyes widened a little. You don’t know why but you panicked a little. Did he see you? “Oh! Since when are you here?”, you said wanting to find out if he saw all that.

“Just arrived.”, Jisung lied, not wanting you to feel uncomfortable. “Chan thought you guys were lost so… Should we go? We should be at the scenic point soon.”, he said awkwardly.

You just nodded and took Cody’s hand. However, as soon as you saw Jisung stare at your hands you subconsciously let go and hiked the rest of the trail with the two boys.

After that day things got very confusing between you and Jisung. The boy who swore you that he would stick to you like glue was nowhere to be seen. Usually, he was hanging out by the pool with Chan and Changbin. As soon as he saw you, he put on headphones or suddenly had to go to the hotel room. Something was off.

One evening you sat down with Jihyo and Taehee to ask them if they knew what was up with Jisung. You explained the situation and both looked at each other as if they knew something.

“Why are you looking at each other like that? Do you know something that I don’t know?”, you asked them, looking at them curiously.

“This isn’t something that we should tell you so… I’m sure that the problem will be gone soon.”, Jihyo assured you and patted your back. “He has a lot to think about. Give him some time.”

Taehee nodded, “You know him. Everyone has bad days.”

You didn’t question the situation more. You knew they wouldn’t tell you more. Jisung and you had to talk sometime.

You and Cody however were in a “honeymoon” phase just like two people in a fresh relationship. You both knew that this relationship wouldn’t work out but you wanted to spend time a lot of time together. It wasn’t really a relationship but more like fooling around? But these last few days Cody acted a little weird. He was more distant than before. You didn’t spend all of your time with him but your friends still felt a little neglected.

Your vacation was about two weeks and before you knew it you only had three days left. After debating a long time, you have come to the conclusion that you needed to talk Jisung. He was once again hiding somewhere but with the help of Chan you found out he was at a beach bar. You quickly found him and sat down next to him.

“What’s wrong with you?”, you said, quickly addressing the elephant in the room.

Jisung’s eyes widened at the sound of your voice. He turned to you. “Hi to you, too?”

“Shut up. You are totally avoiding me! Why?”

“You always tell me to leave you alone. Why are you bothered now?”, Jisung said with a fake disinterest in his voice.

“This is not the same situation and you know it!”, you said in a serious tone.

“Can you stop talking so loudly? We are at a pretty crowded beach.”

You then stood up and took his arm to go to a more secluded part of the beach. “Can I shout now?”

“Look, I don’t know what your problem is but I ordered a cute cocktail with these little umbrellas in them so…”, he said and wanted to leave but you pulled him back. He stumbled back and now your proximity was even closer.

“I just… I didn’t imagine that most of my vacation would end up like this… You are ignoring me.”

“I didn’t imagine my vacation to be like this too, Y/N.”, he huffed.

“If you would tell me what your problem is then maybe I would understand you better!”

Jisung clenched his jaw and now he looked at you with anger his in eyes. “Really?! You really don’t see anything? That Cody guy is playing with you! You spend more time with him than your actual friends!”

“Is that the reason? Cody? Jisung, I am an adult who can take care of herself! I can do whatever I want!”

“You really don’t get it, do you? I’m just looking out for you!”, Jisung shouted back at you.

“I don’t need you to look out for me.”, you said, clearly angry. “That doesn’t explain why you have been avoiding me. The others told me this too. But they talked to me unlike you.”

Jisung took a deep breath to calm himself down and then looked at you. “I told you the reason.”

“No, you didn’t! You are a coward, Han Jisung! That’s what you are!”

Out of anger Jisung walked up to you and took your face in his hands. In a matter of seconds, his lips were on yours. At first, you didn’t know how to react but you quickly closed your eyes. Unlike with Cody, Jisung knew how to kiss you properly. It felt right to kiss him. You couldn’t quite understand what was going on. But right at this moment, you didn’t mind Jisung kissing you.

You felt his hands wrapping around your waist, pulling you closer to him. His lips moved at the right pace and no matter how cheesy it sounded, it felt like you two were missing puzzle pieces.

You stopped kissing after realizing what was happening. You looked at him with wide eyes. “Why… why did you do that?”, you whispered, your forehead pressed against his still.

He was quiet for a few seconds. “I was hoping… that I could finally make a move. I wanted to use this vacation to finally tell you how I feel. I know things have been really weird between. We are not exactly friends but we don’t hate each other. And from one to another I noticed that I really like bickering with you, talking to you… just thinking about you made me happy. Especially after our little dance competition on the first night, I wanted to tell you this.”

You flushed. Your cheeks felt hot. “Really?”, you said. That was the only thing you could say right now.

“But after I saw the whole Cody thing I lost my whole confidence. Dude, how can I compete with someone who consists of muscles? And you were all lovey-dovey with him… I just… I don’t know. It scared me so I stayed away from you as far as I could. To be honest, I saw him fool around with another girl too. But you looked so happy, I didn’t want to ruin it.”

You sighed. “Is that what you meant when you said he is playing with me?”

He nodded. “I’m sorry.”

You felt like you should be sadder about the fact that Cody was fooling around with other girls. But you didn’t. You had your fun with him and it was never serious. But Jisung’s confession made you feel things that you never felt before.

“Don’t apologize. I’m sorry that I made you feel shitty this whole time. This vacation was supposed to be perfect.”, you sighed.

Jisung noticed that you never really answered his confession. Maybe, you didn’t like him back so you avoided talking about the kiss. Jisung sighed, “Well, we should get back then?”

You nodded. “Thank you for talking to me.”

The last three days were fun. You confronted Cody about the whole “cheating” thing. It wasn’t really cheating but you told him that you didn’t want to see him again. Things between you and Jisung were back to normal. Almost. You enjoyed the last days with your friends and it was the most fun you’ve ever had. You went swimming, drinking, dancing. Before you knew it the last night arrived.

During your last night, you asked Jisung to meet you at the balcony of your hotel room. Jisung saw you in your flowy summer dress. His eyes sparkled even brighter as soon as he saw you. You were leaning on the balcony railing and Jisung did the same.

“Hi.”, you said, blushing a little.

“Hi.”, he answered awkwardly.

“Look… I just wanted to tell you that I didn’t forget about your confession.”, you started. “It’s just I needed a little time to think and to process everything.”

“I don’t want you to feel pressured, Y/N. It’s okay if you don’t like me back.”, Jisung assured you with a hint of disappointment in his voice.

“No! What are you talking about?”, you said, giggling a little. You moved closer to him. This time you put your hands on his cheek. “I like you a lot, Han Jisung.”, you then closed the distance between you.

Once again, kissing him felt nice. His soft lips on yours were the best feeling in the world. This kiss was shorter but still sweet. “I just needed to sort this thing with Cody out because I fully want to commit myself to you, you know.”

Jisung’s hamster-like cheeks were now on fire. “You are the best, do you know that?”, he said and gave you another long kiss. “It feels nice to kiss you whenever I want to.”

“Yeah. I can’t believe that this is happening right now.”

“Me neither, Y/N. So… Are we like boyfriend and girlfriend now?”, Jisung innocently asked.

“Of course. My boyfriend.”, you said and hugged his torso tightly.

On the plane ride back home your head was on Jisungs shoulder and his head was on top of yours. Your fingers were entwined and you were sleeping peacefully. You didn’t only go home with your new boyfriend. He was your home too. You never noticed before but he always was your home in a way. Only yours.

[cabin-7]

Did someone say solangelo???

Secret Smooches

@i-love-all-books I got you bro

TW: I dont think there are any but tell me if any are needed.

Word count:2231 short and simple

AN: this started super late at night and I just kept comin back to it so here's a fluffy as hell Solangelo fic written by yours truly. It also not been checked so grammar mistakes aka terrible writing ahead

---------------------------------------------------

Nico didn’t know why it started. To most people, it was endearing what Will did but to Nico, he was just annoyed. He enjoyed kisses from his boyfriend, but not so suddenly. At least that’s what he told everyone else.

It started a few weeks into their relationship. Nico was sitting at the Hades table eating whatever he had first thought of when he heard Will walk past, seemingly talking with friends. He turned to wave and just as soon as he was facing him Will smacked a kiss onto his lips and kept on walking and talking as if he had done nothing in particular. Nico, on the other hand, was gobsmacked and raised his hand up to his lips. His head swiveled towards where Will had just sat down at the Apollo table and gave him a look that he hoped conveyed his message: “What the hell was that about?”. In return. Will simply smirked and winked at him. Nico felt blood rush up to his cheeks as he stubbornly turned back to his plate trying not to reminisce on the chaste kiss.

----

Then it became a routine. The thing was that it always happened before people showed up at the dining pavilion. Nico had convinced will to eat lunch because of it which was why Nico didn’t try to tell Will to stop. Because if Will ate lunch, he was taking care of himself, so what was a little kiss in front of a few people.

One day Jason had slipped into a seat across from Nico and was mindlessly chattering. He talked about his girlfriend which Nico wasn’t entirely interested in. He commented back nonetheless, so he wouldn’t be seen as rude. Jason was his friend after all. Their conversation slowly transitioned to another topic. 

Jason picked up a book that he had at his side. “I’m revamping all of the temples on the Temple Hill as you know,” he said excitedly as he flickered through the pages, “and I want your opinion on the Pluto temple,” he flipped a few pages back and flipped the book towards Nico to reveal messy sketches and notes. The drawings weren’t wonderful by any means and it was clear that Jason was still learning but it was definitely better than the last time he had seen Jason’s sketches. Nico wondered if he had gotten some tips from Hazel. Jason pointed at spots on the page and explained what he had visioned.

“So I think having some sort of torches would be fitting, but I don’t want it to be too dark,” he said with a huff, “I’m just not sure what to do for that.”

“Just promise me it won’t be like Hades cabin when we first came here,” Nico remarked, “it was so-” suddenly Nico heard his name being called. Looking to his left he saw none other than his boyfriend running up the hill waving his arms dramatically.  Nico glanced over at Jason who looked mildly confused. 

As quickly as he could Will rushed up to Nico.

“It’s kind of crazy in the infirmary so I have to skip lunch but-” Will started but Nico cut him off by holding out an apple.

“You need to eat something,’ he said, “and, an apple a day keeps the doctor away is how the saying goes right? That means you can scram for all  I care,” he teased lightly.

Will smiled at Nico and gratefully took the apple. “Thanks, babe,” he chirped before planting a sweet kiss on Nico’s lips that lingered for a few seconds. Not too long, but enough for Nico to blush ever so slightly. Will pulled away still smiling, “you’re the best,” he waved at Jason with a small ‘hey’ before ruffling Nico’s hair and running back to the infirmary. 

Nico watched him run off with furrowed eyebrows. He couldn’t decide whether to be angry, flustered, or endeared. He settled on a stone-cold expression he turned back to Jason. He also decided that his feeling for Will could be kept in his mind. Jason had a mischievous grin and at that moment Nico felt himself grow embarrassed and the blush return to his cheeks and ears. He felt like people might’ve been staring at him, but that he was used to. It was the look on Jason’s face that told Nico he was in for it though.

“So... Will Solace?” he questioned innocently and Nico groaned, burying his face in his hands. Jason cackled and leaned forward, “oh c’mon! You’ve gotta at least tell me about him!”

Nico shook his head and Jason only begged him for some information on the boy who had suddenly kissed him. After a lot of refusals, Nico let loose the smile that was tugging at the corners of his mouth and looked up.

Nico heaved a heavy sigh as he balanced his head on the palm of his hand, “he’s my boyfriend,” he confessed. Jason gave a subtle eye roll and muttered ‘duh’. Nico lightly hit his arm. “I’ve been dating him for a few months. We started dating on September 15 and today is…” he glanced at Jason for the date. 

The son of Jupiter laughed, “it’s November 18th”

Nico nodded, “right. Well anyway, he does…” he paused as he thought of what to say, “Since like October he’s been” he felt his face grow hotter and hesitated, “kissing me when I least expect it.”

“Awww!” Jason cooed, “that’s so cute!”

Nico glared at him, “don’t push your luck Grace. You may be my friend but that doesn’t mean I’m any less likely to punch you.”

----

The tradition continued, every day. Nico always thought he’d expect it, but then it started changing. Will switched up when he did, but made sure it was at least at one of the three meals. He said it was to make sure Nico was eating, but the other knew better. He knew Will was having fun with it, and gods be damned he wasn’t going to upset him.

So, it was definitely odd when Nico hadn’t seen Will at breakfast, lunch, or dinner. Call him a worrywart, but he knew something was wrong. Or at least he thought he did. So Nico finished his dinner wearily and even waited in the dining pavilion for a bit. People gave him odd looks. Jason teased him, but he didn’t care. He was just worried about Will and he wasn’t going to miss him.

Eventually, though, he decided that it would be better to look for Will than wait for him. So he hoisted himself off of the table’s bench and started to walk off into the camp. He decided to stop by the Apollo cabin. When he got close to the cabin he heard Dancing Queen by Abba being played loudly over High Hopes by Panic! At The Disco. There were other songs mixed in here and there not playing nearly as loud as Apollo children loudly shouted over one another.

“SHUT UP PANIC AT THE EVERYWHERE NICKI MINAJ IS OUR QUEEN” a low voice yelled.

“THAT’S SAC-RELIGIOUS TO HERA..or something-”

“IT’S NOT RELIGION IF “GOD” IS YOUR DAD SHUT UP PARKER”

Nico chuckled quietly to himself as he stepped on the porch. He wondered if knocking would even work, but there was no doorbell so he’d have to hope. He wasn’t looking to raise his voice or just open the door. 

Luckily children of Apollo have extremely keen ears.

As soon as Nico knocked he heard one of Will’s sister, Kayla, yell “QUIET” louder than was humanly possible. Nico was beginning to realize how loud Apollo kids really were. All music in the cabin ceased it’s playing and the door swung open to show Kayla with a bright smile and a lot of Apollo kids who seemed to be fighting. One had another pinned to the ground, holding a fist above her head as her brother squirmed.

“Yo! Nico!” Kayla greeted, “sorry about the ruckus, music debate night. You know how it is.” Nico, in fact, didn’t have a clue what she was talking about, “anyway, how can I help you?”

Nico could feel the eyes of Apollo campers glaring into them as they impatiently waited for their debate to resume. Nico smiled awkwardly, “just looking for Will, is he here?”

Kayla spun around and looked around the large cabin, “WILL?” she yelled. No reply. A small girl who was being sat on by her younger (but stronger) brother squeaked, “Haven’t seen him since this morning.” Another kid called, “who’s Will?” Kayla spun around back to Nico, “I think that’s your answer. Check the dining pavilion, maybe the infirmary. Though he shouldn’t be in the infirmary, I told him to catch a break.”

Nico sighed, “I’ve been telling him for the entire time I’ve known him,” He shrugged, “well… thanks, Kayla.” She nodded and waved before she picked up two pots. 

“You might wanna cover your ears, and close the door will you?” Nico shut the door and heard two pots clang together as Kayla screamed, “ROUND THREE! WARFARE!” before the music began blaring loudly once more. The bass was so strong that the cabin shook beneath his feet. Nico quickly hopped off the porch. Once he was a few feet away from the cabin the noise ceased. He assumed there was some sort of noise spell put over the cabin because he knew that if there wasn’t the cabin would’ve been heard all the way in New Jersey.

Nico pulled his black leather jacket closer to him as the chilly autumn air blew around him. While Camp Half-Blood had control over the weather, year-round campers liked to experience the different seasons, if a bit milder. Nico did too. He likes to see the trees changing and feel the colder weather kick in. Bonus: he got to steal Will’s jackets.

The son of Hades tried to peek into the infirmary through the windows but the curtains were drawn. Suspicion bubbled in Nico’s chest, but either way, he knocked. Unlike the Apollo cabin, the silence wasn’t nice to hear. So he tried the doorknob. Turns out it was unlocked so Nico walked right in.

“Will?” Nico called. There was a shuffling from a back room and a crash before a familiar voice called back.

“One sec!” Will yelled. His voice sounded a bit strained, but nothing worrying. Nico was more so worried about the crash and why Will was still at the infirmary.

Soon enough Will walked out of the backroom and tossed his gloves out before he rubbed his eyes. Nico smiled softly at him and cautiously held open his arms. Will smiled gratefully and walked into Nico’s arms, tenderly wrapping his arms around his torso and burying his head in his hair. Nico rested his chin on Will’s chest.

“Rough day?” he asked quietly. Will silently nodded and held Nico closer to him which only made the boy smile. “We all have bad days. Is there anything I can do to help?” Once again Will stayed silent, but this time he shrugged. Nico nodded and reached up to press a kiss to Will’s cheek. “Your siblings are being super loud right now. We can go to my cabin and watch TV or something.”

Will cracked a smile, “I forgot that it was a music debate Monday” he said quietly, “we can hang out in your cabin,” he took a deep breath, “that sounds nice.”

Nico smiled a bit more and let go of the medic, “wanna tell me what happened first?”

So, Will sighed and began to explain that on top of being busy, he just felt out of it. He was not only physically tired but emotionally too. Nico listened to everything he said as he spoke in a far different tone than usual. It was soft and quiet. And yet Nico knew that it was still his Will. So as they were about to leave the infirmary, Nico grabbed Will’s sleeve to stop him and planted a surprise kiss on his cheek like he always did for him. Surprise smooches always brightened up his day.

----

Nico rested his head on Will’s chest, “So, the dinosaurs are CGI?” he asked for confirmation. 

\Will nodded as he raked his fingers through Nico’s hair, “Yeah. it’s really cool technology, but I wouldn’t be the person to tell you about it. The son of Hades nodded, “It just looks so..so..”

His boyfriend chuckled, “real? Yeah, I know. It’s kind of crazy-” he was cut off by a sudden boy kissing him sweetly. Will blushed a bit but happily obliged to the sudden kiss that ended too soon for liking. “What was that for?” He asked.

Nico shrugged, settling back into where he was snuggled up, “you’ve given me a crap ton of surprises, why can you get one?” Will laughed softly and pulled the quilt on Nico’s bed up closer, “yeah that’s fair.”

“It should be a game,” Will said after a pause, “who can steal a secret smooch first?” there was a moment of silence between them before they both burst out laughing.

“You’re on Solace,” Nico said with a smirk. Will nodded and the two shook hands at an awkward angle before they both dove in for the first move of a game that would last way longer than they expected.

[offspring-of-calliope]

Oneshot #2: Three times someone checked out Darcy’s ass and the one time he didn’t mind it

Description: A crackfic based on this post I made a few days ago. Basically what it says in the title and it plays during the canon era. The main pairing is BillDarcy.

words: 1645

A/N: To be honest, I don’t even know what this is, I just suddenly had this idea yesterday when I originally wanted to write the little idea for a Jojo/Elmer-Oneshot I have in my head. But hey, if there are things I’m good at, it’s procrastinating and doing things wrong, so here we are. As always, it’s possible that there are mistakes regarding grammar and spelling (I checked for them but since English isn’t my first language I might have forgotten something). It would be nice if you left a comment.

I hope you enjoy,

Sincerely, me,

Lélodie

—–

I.

Darcy hated puberty. Pimples were scattered all over his face and a few days ago, his mother had helped him trying to figure out how to shave his face without cutting himself. Still, there were some leftovers of an incision on one of his cheeks.

The worst thing was that he hadn’t even had something that he could have called a ‘beard’. But he had overheard some of his classmates talking about the positive effect of having a beard – looking more mature and therefore having a better chance with the ladies they wanted to court. Darcy himself didn’t want to court a lady, yet he always wanted to look more mature so that his father might stop treating him a like little child. So, after a lot of insistence on his part, his mother had helped him with the soft hairs over his upper lip and on the sides of his face and he regretted it.

He was attending some important event, where all the influential persons in the world of newspapers were gathered. And he was there with a bright red face, full of signs of imperfections.

“Look at that fancy new suit! Darcy, puberty’s starting to grow on you.”

Startled, Darcy turned around and was promptly hugged by one of his best childhood friends, Katherine Pulitzer. “Kathy, I’m glad you could make it,” he said, quickly hugging her back.

Katherine freed herself from the embrace. “I couldn’t leave you guys alone with all these people now, could I? But back to what I said, when did your ass get this gorgeous? Or is it just the suit?”

Darcy choked on his own spit. He was always surprised by Katherine’s bluntness. A blush spread out over his whole face as he truly realised what she had said and he made an embarrassed sound. “My ass is the same as always, thank you very much. The only thing that’s changing is the constellations of pimples on my face.” He grimaced.

“Uh, how poetic. Maybe you want to write my next article, then I’ll have a lot more free time.”

“Kathy, I’m having a serious problem here.” Darcy threw a glance at the people surrounding them, making sure they were out of earshot. Then, he whispered, “How can I face Bill when my face looks like I’ve been burned by the sun, over and over again?”

Katherine was the only one who knew of his infatuation with Bill – his other childhood friend. She had also been the one who had helped him overcoming his long phase of self-hatred because he was falling in love with another boy. At first, there had been all these thoughts like: “It’s wrong. Two boys can’t love each other.” But when Katherine had told him that she as well did like people the same gender as hers, he had felt a lot better. He wasn’t the only one. He wasn’t hurting anyone. So why should he be ashamed of who he loved?

“Don’t worry, Darce. I think it looks cute. And if he doesn’t like it, you can always show him your ass.” Katherine winked.

Again, Darcy blushed. “What’s it with you and my… butt?”

Katherine just shrugged inscrutably and led him to the buffet.

When they met Bill, he didn’t mention the pimples. He also didn’t mention that Darcy’s suit was apparently too tight around his ass. He had only brought life to the butterflies in Darcy’s stomach when he had constantly readjusted Darcy’s glasses and therefore brushed his skin from time to time.

II.

A soft breeze was caressing Darcy’s hair as he and Katherine wandered along the streets of New York, arm in arm. Katherine was going on about some vaudeville show she had to review that night, until they came across the Newsboys’ lodging house. A smile appeared on her face as they watched some kids dancing around, presumably on their way to the circulation gate. Darcy knew how she admired these kids that had nothing and still seemed to be so happy to at least have each other.

Since the kids weren’t walking really fast, Katherine and Darcy caught up with them and Darcy rolled his eyes as one of the boys started flirting with Katherine. It was always like this. Katherine was a beautiful girl and therefore, she caught the attention of many boys on the street. But only some of them mustered up the courage to actually speak to her.

Trying to suppress a sigh, Darcy let his gaze wander and couldn’t help but notice some boys passing them while the presumable leader flirted with Katherine. He blinked. Had he just imagined it or were two of the boys checking him out? He lowered his head, not daring to look back at them and not really listening to Katherine’s conversation.

He took a deep breath, fiddled with his hands and eventually glanced back at the two boys he had noticed. He nearly let out a surprised gasp as he caught one of the boys checking out his ass once again. A blush crept up his neck. The boy noticed him looking back and winked.

Darcy had never been more glad of Katherine taking control than in this moment. Oblivious to Darcy’s own problem, she grabbed his arm tighter and led him away from the newsies.

He took another deep breath. Had the boy been flirting with him? Darcy couldn’t handle people flirting with him. The only exception was Bill but that didn’t really count, considering that Bill was his lover. Which Darcy still couldn’t quite believe. He and Bill were a thing. Bill had been the one to take the first step, turning a little moment of them cuddling into a sweet, intoxicating kiss.

Darcy smiled and it didn’t take long for him to forget the incident with the newsies.

III.

Apparently, people did have a thing for his butt. That was the conclusion Darcy came to when he was ready cleaning the printing press and went to put on his coat. Bill had already left the cellar, presumably talking with Katherine and Jack outside.

He hadn’t meant to eavesdrop but he couldn’t help but hear two voices, a few feet away, seemingly not noticing his presence.

“… yeah, but one of 'em definitely had a stick up his ass.” The heavy Brooklyn accent in this voice was obvious and Darcy suspected that the boy talking was that Spot Conlon that every single newsie seemed to either fear or respect.

“Obviously. He’s refused ta shake Jack’s hand when he’d spit on it,” the other person laughed. It was also a boy but Darcy couldn’t quite place who the voice belonged to.

Was he talking about Darcy? It would make sense, considering that Spot had talked about two people specifically and he and Bill were the odd ones out (Katherine didn’t count since she had already been involved in the strike before they had been printing the banner tonight). Suddenly, Darcy felt offended. Just because he had manners didn’t mean that he was uptight.

“But you have to admit, it’s a pretty nice ass,” the person whose voice Darcy didn’t recognize answered.

It took Darcy all strength he could muster up not to cough and make his presence known. That would be even weirder than only hearing people talk about his ass. He hurried with putting on his coat, while contemplating listening a little more. Of course he was embarrassed but he kind of wanted to know what else the boys had to say.

“You’s right, Race.” A pause. “But do ya know who also has a great ass?”

Alright, that was Darcy’s cue to leave.

+ IV.

“I can’t believe you!” Darcy exclaimed while Bill only laughed more and more. He sighed. “I shouldn’t have told you, I knew it.”

“I am sorry, I did not mean to offend you, Darce, but that’s just too funny,” Bill said, letting his fingers run over Darcy’s arm, yet not even trying to suppress his laughter. “Why did I never notice that your butt is apparently so interesting?”

“I hate you,” Darcy retorted, crossing his arms in front of his chest, all the while trying to come up with a convincing pout.

Bill stopped laughing at that but the smirk didn’t leave his face. “No, you don’t.” His voice was soft and he moved closer to his lover. “Do you want to know what makes you the most handsome in my opinion?”

Darcy threw him a sceptical glance and let his arms fall to his side again. “What is it?”

“Your nose.”

“My nose?” Darcy let out a small laugh. “Seriously?”

“Well, it is,” Bill replied and shoved him lightly. “Especially when you’re wearing your glasses.” He raised his hand and started to trace the rim of Darcy’s glasses, gently, as if he was afraid of breaking them. Darcy’s breath hitched. “Shoving your smartness in everyone’s faces.”

“Glasses don’t make people smart.” Darcy remembered the time he thought that he would seem more mature when he acted as if he indeed had a real beard. In retrospect, he nearly laughed at that.

“But they make people look smart. And smart people are very, very attractive.” To prove his former point, Bill planted a short kiss on Darcy’s nose.

Darcy smiled. Then he leaned back a bit and took off his glasses. “But what happens when I stop wearing my glasses and don’t look smart any more?” He teased.

Bill made a face like he was thinking about something real intensely. Eventually, he embraced Darcy and smirked. “Then you still got your ass to show off,” he whispered, letting his hands wander lower and lower over Darcy’s back.

For once, Darcy didn’t mind someone paying attention to his butt.

[winterandiron]

Bruised.

Summary: In which Peter gets beat up by some school bullies and next thing he knows his suit it's flying him to the avengers compound.

A/N: I posted this on AO3 last year but figured It wouldn’t hurt to have it here too. As always, english it's my second language so beware of possible grammar mistakes.

It’s always been there... the comments. No matter how low they got everyone seem to get a kick of them, they would have a laugh and get back to their regular business. But Peter had to carry them through the day, as a remainder that his life was incomplete, sure he was more than grateful for May and everything she did to take care of a child that wasn’t even hers, had she said no to take responsibility of Peter back when his parents had died who knows where he could have end up with how child services and the foster care system was these days.

But that didn’t make it easier, sadly.

“I would tell you to hire someone to pretend to be your mom, Parker, but not only are you an orphan, you’re also poor”

“Your parents are probably glad they died so they wouldn’t have to see what a loser their son is”

“Too bad your aunt got stuck with you, she probably doesn’t even want you either, Peter”

It was a daily issue and as it was telling himself he was used to it after years of enduring the verbal attacks but sometimes the things some of his classmates said to him hurt, it made him wonder if some of it was true. And then things started to scale.

The first time that happened he was shoved into the lockers on the hallway, then someone pushed him when he was on his way out of class which resulted on a bruised cheek after he went face first into the floor, then on and on. May would always ask but Peter had made himself a reputation as a clumsy person so when he said he hit himself with the lab door on his way out she would just let out a sigh and put some numbing cream on it.

Ever since the spider incident things were getting even more difficult for him. Not only did he had to silently take the nasty things they would say and the punches but he had to control himself not to punch back, no matter how much he wanted to, cuz if loses it and throws Flash through a wall someone will figure out something it’s wrong with him and next thing he knows he’s on a lab in the middle of nowhere and the government it’s examining his insides. In all honesty, he would rather not.

So there he was, on the side of his own public school, surrounded by four kids his own age that were so full of rage they found no way of letting it out other than on his face.

“Guys, can we not do this today?” He whispered, knowing there was no getting out of it. “Oh, I’m sorry it’s not convenient for you right now? Would you like to reschedule it?” Flash mocked him.

The guy next to him gave the first hit, right on his jaw, making the sharp pain run all the way to the back of his neck in a cool string.

“Why don’t you call Iron Man? Since you’re such good friends with him?” They all laughed.

Yeah, because he was going to call Mr. Stark over some bullies.

The pain rapidly started to run all over his body; his ribs, his stomach, his back. The taste of blood was way too familiar, not only from the beatings at school but also his spider-costumed adventures he went in every now and then. Peter could only tightened his fist and grunt both from the punches he was taking and all the strength it was taking him to not kick them back to their asses. Thoughts about his aunt who had enough trying to put food on his plate and raising him a good man to also had to deal him him being a superhero filled him, she didn’t need that. Ned could also he drag into it, and God know how much bad press Tony would take if they found out he recruited him at such a young age, they wouldn’t understand how much Mr. Stark had helped him get through the whole superhero thing and he already had many targets on his back, Peter would not help put another on it.

So he took it, all the hits, every punch and kick and when they were done Peter would go on with his life.

X

“Boss” The voice seemed to be far away, he was probably dreaming either way. “Boss” Or maybe not.

He whined at the pain on is neck, sleeping on top on his working table probably wasn’t his brightest idea.

“I hope you have a good reason to wake me up or you’ll end up with Dum-e on that community college.” He murmured. “I’m sorry to wake you, Sir, but an alarm just went off on the training wheels protocol.”

That was enough to wake him up.

“Where is he?” He questioned, his back shooting straight. “He’s on an alley three blocks away from his school” The AI informed. “Ok, what's wrong?” He was already on his way upstairs. “It appears one of his ribs it’s broken, his jaw might have a minor fracture and there’s some internal bleeding. Karen advised medical attention but Peter refuses to go to the hospital, Sir.”

Oh, God that kid was as stubborn as a mule.

“That’s it. Lock the suit, Friday, bring him home.” He spoke at the same time he was calling the medical wing to make sure there was a doctor there when the kid arrived.

About ten minutes later he walked outside into the green area that surrounded the compound just in time to see the Iron Spider suit fly it’s way to him with a very confused Peter Parker inside.

“Mr. Stark!? I-I… What? The suit just started flying and it wouldn’t let me move, when did you put repulsors on this thing?” The kids was way higher than usual when his mask faded back and his signature ramble came out.

Tony was taken aback by the state Peter was in; one of his eyes was swollen, there was blood running from his left eyebrow down his face, a bruise was starting to show it’s color on his jaw and more blood was coming off his parted lip. He was wrecked.

“What happened, Peter?” The question came out as a growl. “N-Nothing, just a run in with some bad guys on a dark alley, Sir. I had the flu last week and I’ve been kinda weak but I think I’m going to take it a little slower for a couple of days-” “Kid, I’m giving you an opportunity to come clean” He interrupted him. “But I could very well have Friday find some security footage of the whole thing, so either you tell me or I figure it out myself” “Mr. Stark there’s-” “We’ve been here, Pete. Last time you went behind my back things didn’t end well.” He let out a sigh. “This isn’t that, Sir, I swear.” The kid hurried to explain. “So… tell me what it is, because if you think I’m buying the bad guys on a dark alley at 3pm thing then you have something else your way.”

Tony was pissed but not necessarily at Peter, he was mad about the kid being hurt. He thought that by monitoring him and giving him a more advanced suit he could help Peter be more safe when he was swinging around New York, but what if he was just making it easier for the child put himself on danger?

“Come on, let’s get you checked out and then we can talk. Karen unlock the suit.” As soon as his orders were followed he had to run help Peter stay on his feet. “You can’t even stand, Spider Man.”

He guided him to the compound with one arm carefully wrapped around his hips so he wouldn’t hurt his broken rib.

X

“The internal bleeding it’s already slowing down on it’s own, I gave him some strong painkillers ‘cuz he’s going to need them later but his healing process seems to be accelerated just like his metabolism so there’s really not much to do anymore.” The head of medical at the compound informed him.

“Thanks, Doc.” Tony padded his arm and saw him leave his lab.

He walked to Peter, who was sitting on a stool with his stare lose somewhere near his bots, and handed him a glass of iced water.

“Here, you might need this.” The kid took a long gulp but keep his eyes away from Tony.

There were two butterfly closures on his eyebrow and the bruise on his jaw seemed bigger now that the purple was getting darker.

“Peter, I just want you to be safe, Kid. Broken bones and bleeding insides it’s not safe, I don’t care how fast you can heal.” He began explaining. “I-I just don’t want to bother anyone with these stuff.” He offered but Tony could barely hear him. “This is not a burden, this is your safety which makes it priority number one for me, for May and it should be for yourself too” He kept his voice as soothing as possible because he wanted to school the boy but Peter had had enough for a day. “Who did this to you, Kid?” The question rolled out softly.

Peter eyes started to water, it was clear on his face that he had been carrying a heavy weight on his shoulders and Tony wanted to take off of him because nobody should be dealing with such things so young in life.

“There’s… there’s some guys at the school…” His voice stuttered. “You’re being bullied?” He got a nod for an answer. “An this is new or…?”

Peter’s eyes lowered again and that’s all he needed to put two and two together, suddenly Tony had the urge to comfort him, to take care of it all so the kid didn’t have to go through anymore shit. His hand brushed Peter’s dark locks of hair back, the kid went rigid for a second at the unfamiliar feeling of Tony’s gentle touch. Physical affection wasn’t the billionaire's forte but it felt right to pull Peter’s head close to his chest to plant a kiss at the top of it, the muscles of his back relaxing under his hand as he run it up and down through it slowly.

“Fighting crime will never be more important than your safety, Peter, and if I have to face a bunch of sixteen years old kids to ensure it, including you, then so be it.” He concluded.

Anthony Stark had seen his fair share of things -he’d been to space for fuck’s sake- and yet here is this kid who takes away his breath with just how selfless he could be. He manage to keep his abilities a secret (even from his best friend) and decided to use them for the greater good, not caring that it meant putting his own life on the line and when he faced trouble as Peter Parker and not Spider Man he took it like any defenseless teenager would because using his newfound strength could only get him on a worse predicament and his loved ones could be drag into it too. The kid was hands down the best person he had come across in all his years walking around this blue earth and even if he didn’t knew the first thing about taking care of someone other than himself, he would learn and he would keep Peter safe even if it was the last thing he did because that child deserved someone to fight for him as hard as he was fighting for everyone else.

Peter was breathing deeply, the pain was still very much present but he was more relaxed and maybe it was the painkillers or maybe it was Mr. Stark comforting touch but he was confident on the fact that he wouldn’t have to deal with Flash or any of his minions anymore because Tony said he’d take care of it and Peter believed him, so he fell into the darkness with ease knowing that after all he got someone looking out for him.

And when you know Iron Man has your back, you sleep like a baby.

_______

Hope you guys enjoyed, sorry for my poor grammar and as always feedback it’s appreciated!

[languagelearningjoy]

10 REASONS THAT SLOW YOU DOWN IN LEARNING ENGLISH

The first reason I would like to mention is MOTIVATION. We are used to thinking about our motivation to learn a certain language as about something stable and simple. Nothing could be further from the truth. We may be highly motivated today and be completely unmotivated a month later. Our motivation is tightly bound to our other needs, wishes, hopes, attitudes, to a broader social life and opportunities it offers us. Besides, motivation also depends on actions we undertake and on the outcomes of our actions. When these factors change, our motivation changes as well. When you come home after a hard working day, all you want is to relax, to do something you like, you are just not able to do grammar exercises or write an essay, your brain refuses to think and you watch your favourite TV series or check your Facebook page, in your native language of course. There are many ways to be successful in language learning without compromising your needs. I am going to make a special video to help you understand and support your motivation better at different stages of your language learning. Just one more thing I would like to say about motivation: it has often been undermined by the

DISCREPANCY BETWEEN YOUR GOALS AND YOUR ACTIONS

            What do you usually do when learning a foreign language? You study grammar, memorise vocabulary, write essays, but it is not your goal! Your goal is to be able to use the language to communicate with other people! It must seriously confuse your brain when you put a big effort into something which is not your goal. Does it mean that you can start communicating in a foreign language without learning its grammar and vocabulary? I don’t think so. What can you do to reduce this discrepancy? You can change your way of thinking. Don’t think “I should learn the past tense” if you are not interested in grammar. You can think: “I want to learn how to talk about interesting things I did last week, last year or five years ago”.

Very often the discrepancy between goals and actions is caused by the fact that the course program does not correspond with your goal, or topics and tasks are not interesting for you or the teaching methods are not efficient. Sometimes people try to learn a foreign language by themselves choosing very tiring, boring, time-consuming and inefficient techniques like memorising words one by one from a dictionary or reading English classics when they are on a pre-intermediate level. Some ideas are not as bad, but often they can’t guide them through all the steps that are necessary to be a highly proficient language user, because 

INPUT is NOT ENOUGH  

Frankly speaking, some theorists think it is enough but I strongly believe it is not and many studies have proved that language learning is a complex process, it has many stages of processing, coding, and restructuring information, not to mention that output is a crucial stage of language learning. I am going to do a special video with a more detailed description of the second language processing and acquisition and show how it is slowed down when some stages are omitted and some important factors are neglected. Now I just want to mention the main reason for the fact why learning a lot you may not necessarily bring a great result.

YOUR KNOWLEDGE IS NOT THE SAME AS YOUR SKILLS (describing it in scholar terms, your declarative knowledge does not transform automatically into your procedural knowledge). If you do not have extraordinary language skills you might have noticed that despite doing many grammar exercises you still make the same mistakes again and again; after listening to the pronunciation workshop on youtube, your pronunciation in spontaneous speech is still far from perfection. To transform your knowledge into skills you need to practice it in communication, still better in a real-life situation. So, the next reason why language learning  often fails    

LACK OF COMMUNICATION

Plenty of experiments and papers showed how communication enhances language learning. Social interaction is called a “gate” to language acquisition and it is not an exaggeration. We are social creatures, it is coded in our biology: brain research showed that interaction arouses out attention and activates the brain mechanisms linking perception and action. That is exactly what we need to transform our declarative knowledge into our speaking skills. So, what should you do if you don’t know people with whom you can practice the language you learn? Some youtube videos suggest talking to a mirror, recording yourself, using virtual assistants like Siri, or speech recognition programs. Surely, you can do it and it helps but I strongly believe that real people are much better than the mirror or Siri. Again, I am going to make a special video with some tips as to how to build your own network but you can easily do it now by yourself: there are social networks, there are a lot of virtual communities on the Internet, possibly some of them have real-life meetings in your city, there are tandem group meetings (real and virtual), discussion clubs and many other options. Apart from many other benefits, talking to people gives you feedback and here we are at the 6th reason why language learning might be not satisfactory

LACK OF FEEDBACK AND REWARD

When we put in a great deal of effort into our actions, we want to see the result we have achieved. In the case of language learning this result is ability to communicate with other speakers. But what result do we usually get? The score of our last test. Is it exciting? Not really. You may get a reward a year, two or three years later when you pass your IELTS test or get a good job but it is a very long time to wait, people want results and rewards more quickly. Talking to foreigners gives you this feeling of success and satisfaction. You can also arrange small rewards for yourself, e.g. you can write in your language journal to record your progress, success and your feelings. Do we take our feelings into account when we learn a foreign language? Usually not and it is a serious mistake, and that’s the reason number 7 why your language learning is not efficient:

YOUR FEELINGS ARE NOT ENGAGED 

Your feelings are important, they are related to all the key factors of language learning. If your learning is pleasurable, you are highly motivated to continue it. You memorize much better something that moves you, makes you smile, makes you feel delighted. Many invisible barriers on the way to language proficiency are created by boredom or negative feelings.   

Many learners and even teachers make a big mistake when they think about language learning as  something ordered, something like a formula: do this and this and you get a result. If it does work for you, it is perfect, stick to this way of thinking, but for many people, it doesn’t work. If it doesn’t work for you, stop seeing a language as a set of grammar rules and long vocabulary lists. Language is about words and tenses and endings but first of all language is about you and the world around you, language is about everything. The good news is that you can learn when doing anything, including things you are passionate about: you may learn something very important for you, talk to very interesting people, you can express yourself through a new language. You might think that it will be possible only when you become a proficient language user, but in fact, you can do it right now. The first idea that comes to my mind, you can make a photo album with notes in the language you learn. Share it with your friends. Even if they can’t read your notes, they will be happy to see the photos. Many people don’t perceive language learning in terms of creativity and self-expression and that is the reason number 8 why they struggle:

they CANNOT ENGAGE their PERSONALITY IN LANGUAGE LEARNING

In fact, it is easier to say than do. A foreign language is something unfamiliar to us, it pushes us out of our comfort zone. Our brain doesn’t like unfamiliar things. A commonly held psychological belief says that it happens because for all biological creatures familiar things mean safety, unfamiliar things are associated with some potential danger. Even if you like the language you learn, try to shift settings on your computer into this language or join a group native speakers when you are the only foreigner and it is highly unlikely you will feel comfortable. It is more difficult to express yourself through a foreign language. For a long time after my English became fluent I felt I sounded ridiculous speaking English, especially in public, I was ashamed of my accent and afraid to make mistakes.

So if it is difficult to make a foreign language yours what can we do? We can appropriate a new language gradually switching it to our sphere of interests and to our identity. If you like cooking, start searching for new recipes in this language, if you like sports, start watching sports events in this language, if you like traveling, start sharing your experience in a blog. Don’t overwhelm yourself, do one step at a time and you will realise that gradually you start feeling more and more comfortable and the most important thing: you will use your new language in a real-life situation and that is exactly the 9th reason why people do not succeed in their language learning: they 

DO NOT USE THE LANGUAGE IN REAL LIFE SITUATIONS

Psychology says that the knowledge acquired in a certain situation, in certain circumstances is not always to automatically transferred into other situations and circumstances. That is exactly what many people experience when after years of learning a foreign language in classroom setting, they meet a native speaker and can’t say a word. I would say that language usage limited to a classroom is possibly the main reason why people feel frustrated about their language learning. So, what can you do? Try to expand you language learning out of the classroom. As I said, language is about you and the world around you. Take this responsibility on yourself and you will avoid the 10th reason why language learning is not efficient 

People DO NOT TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR their LANGUAGE LEARNING.

Do not put all responsibility on your teacher. Language learning for a long time has been organised in the way that learners were just passive doers of the tasks they were given by their teachers. I think this approach will be changing in the future but what could you do now? Just plan your learning strategically, engage your emotions and creativity, organise a group of speakers with whom you can practice this language.

So, thank you for your attention, and good luck in your language learning. If you need any help with English, Russian, Polish, you can book a lesson with me via email: olga.nestel@gmail.com ($ USA 20/hour or 15 euro/hour).      

[robinofgothamcity]

♡ prompt: you’re going to a chistmas party with your ex in attendance and you try to find a replacement as quick as possible. 

♡ song suggestion: HIP - MAMAMOO

♡ pairing: jon kent (superboy) x fem! reader

♡ note: not checked for grammar or spelling mistakes 

“i can’t just go to this party and not show up with a date, do you know how humiliating that is?” you exclaimed to Damian, chugging back the last bit of wine you had in your glass, “it’s easy for you to show up like that because you’re fucking Bruce Wayne’s son and you aren’t the one who actually lied here...I DID!” 

Damian saw the panic arising in your eyes as you tried to come up with just anything to get out of the Wayne Christmas party but nothing was coming up in order to actually get you out of it. it was too late to actually back out and you swore to Damian you’d attend the party so it wouldn’t be so miserable for him. 

“who exactly did you lie to that you’re that deep into a lie?” Damian asked, kicking his legs up on his desk. “Michael from human resources! he’s been up my ass about taking me out that i finally broke one day and said I was already in a relationship and while he did back off, he’s expecting me to bring a date,” you confessed. 

Damian started laughing again, not knowing whether to fire Michael to finally put you out of your misery or actually take the opportunity to make you meet his oh so single best friend...Jon Kent. he sat on the idea for a few minutes as you ran your fingers through your hair nervously. 

“good lord, if I bring a friend of mine as your date, will you be quiet?” you looked at him in confusion. “you have friends?” you laughed, instantly dodging his wad of paper. 

“for your information, I actually do,” you sighed, not really knowing if you wanted to take him up on the offer, “he’s a friend of mine from Metropolis. he’ll say yes, it’s up to you,” you cautiously agreed, threatening him that if his so called ‘friend’ ended up being some creep, you were within your rights to hurt him. 

as you and Damian exited the building, you saw the copious amounts of reporters standing to the side, trying to capture photos of Damian or getting information on the party for tomorrow. 

you sighed, giving the reporters the middle finger, not really in the mood to deal with their bs. there were a few times those nosey reporters had made stories about you and Damian. claiming that you were sleeping with him so you could get closer to the Wayne family heir. it didn’t exactly help that you were in the assistant and secretary role as well. 

“wow, feisty aren’t you?” you heard Damian’s eldest brother, Dick, say out of no where. you quickly greeted him, seeing that the street to get out of Wayne Enterprises was getting clogged up with traffic, “see all of you tomorrow! Damian, don’t let me down!” 

Dick looked over to his brother, wondering what you meant by that. “I’m bringing Jon as her date for tomorrow,” he explained. his eyes widened, “really? him?” he asked, surprised that he would even set up a date for someone. “yeah, he has way too much time on his hands and it’d be better for me to set those two up to finally get them out of my hair.” Dick laughed knowing exactly where that could go wrong. 

+ 

the morning finally came, much to your unamused pleasure. you had told Damian that you’d meet him at his place so if anything funny happened with his date, it wouldn’t happen to your embarrassment at your work place. you were not sure who your mystery date was and Damian refused to give you a name. all he had told you was that he worked in Metropolis and had been his friend for years. 

you dragged yourself into the shower and unwillingly got dressed. your makeup was the hardest part of the entire outfit as you were going to try and perfect it as much as possible. you had never really gone all out with the makeup in what felt like years so you figured today would be the day. 

“almost ready?” Damian asked over the phone. you rolled your eyes, “yeah, i’m just pulling my shoes on before heading over to your place,” you responded as you munched on a granola bar, “why do you care?” you asked. 

you heard two voices laugh, “because your date is here so hurry up!” Damian exclaimed before hanging up the phone. you didn’t bother to play into his antics before finishing up. the dress you had bought was something you had from a previous event and up until now, you hadn’t worn it again. 

the dress you had picked was one from a previous event that no one hardly saw. it hugged the curves you wanted to show and you knew it would surprise those who hardly saw you gala or formal party attire. 

you got into your car and chugged back a red bull before heading into Damian’s home. you saw a few cars parked in his garage along with a limo to which you assumed you and a few others were going to take. you annoyingly pushed the doorbell to strike a nerve in Damian. 

“woah,” you heard Dick say as he opened the door, “I know, I look good,” you said smiling. he nodded in agreement as the two of you walked in farther into the house. you could tell Dick kept looking at you every so often and even dropping a few compliments and pick up lines. 

as the two of you were walking, you hadn’t realized you had completely passed Damian and his friend. you were so enamored with your conversation with Dick that it wasn’t until Damian half-annoyed screamed your name out to catch your attention. you turned around and stopped mid way through when you saw Damian and his friend. 

“oh hey,” you whispered, not wanting to look at Damian’s friend in the eye. he was a lot more attractive than you had anticipated. “didn’t know you could actually clean up nicely,” Damian murmured, not even hiding the fact that he was checking you out. 

you gave him the middle finger in response, “this is Jon Kent, Jon, this is ( your name ), I guess she’s my friend,” he rolled his eyes at the last thing he had said. you slowly stuck your hand out to shake but much to your surprise, Jon had shook your hand rather excitedly. 

“nice to meet ya!” he exclaimed, his slight southern drawl coming out. you laughed at his excited tone, “heard a lot about ya!” he continued. you looked at Damian, “aww, you do like me!” you said, a mischievous smile appearing on your face. 

Damian kicked you in the back of the leg before murmuring that all of you needed to head out before any of you got into trouble for being late. you met up with Dick and Tim who were arguing about something as the three of you waited for Alfred to pull up with the car. 

the entire ride to the venue, it was just you and Jon talking here and there. you could tell that Jon was the very exact opposite of Damian and it was a wonder how him and Damian even got along with their personalities being the exact opposite from each other. once the car came to halt, all of you piled out, the cameras immediately snapping as they realized the Wayne’s have arrived. 

“don’t kill them this time,” Damian threatened you as you put up your hands in defense. you looked over to Jon and gave him a small nervous smile, “ready?” he asked as you nodded. 

he put his arm around your waist, tightening it as the two of you walked up to the red carpet. you smiled fakely to the cameras. Jon looked down at you, not expecting this reaction to the paparazzi. “not a fan, eh?” he asked. you shook your head no, “god knows how many times those idiots have thought that Damian and I were together.” 

Jon gave you a look, “but the two of you are like siblings?” you shook your head, “I know but they think we’re hiding behind all of that.” the two of you reached inside of the building to see the long extended tables as you and Jon were seated on a two chaired table. 

Jon pulled your chair out, making sure you were comfortable before sitting down across from you. the menu was pre filled as it was your job to make sure everything on it was correct and put everything they were going to serve for the course of the night. 

“so, what do you for a living in Metropolis?” you asked as they put small appetizers in front of you. Jon smiled, “I work for the newspaper,” he replied, “I bet it’s tough to be Damian’s assistant, huh?” he asked as you nodded yes, dramatically. 

through the course of the night, you and Jon talked, Jon making sure the conversation never died down. you had to give Damian credit. you weren’t exactly trustful in Damian that he would pull through on his blind date for you but Jon up till this point had not made you seem uncomfortable or even slightly creeped out. he was like the perfect gentleman. 

“wanna dance?” Jon asked, getting up from his chair and grabbing your hand softly. you held his hand, giving it a squeeze as a response. 

the two of you walked to the small dance floor as you saw a few of your coworkers, those who were either married or in long term relationships dancing. you gave them a wave as they waved back before going back to their conversations with their partners. 

“I’m glad you came,” you told Jon as you took a sip of your champagne shyly. he looked down to you and grinned, “I’m glad I did too. I wasn’t going too originally but once Damian told me a bit about you, I just knew I had to meet you,” he replied as you hid your face in his shoulder, slightly embarrassed. 

the song playing in the background happened to be a piano rendition of ‘Someday My Prince Will Come’. you had watched Snow White a million times as a child and the fact that this song was playing as you were dancing with someone who you hoped would give you a second date made your heart swell. 

“I have to admit, I’m glad I told Damian as well. the date was so last minute and honestly, Damian is the last person I would ever trust to put me in a blind date situation but I’m happy that he actually pulled through for once.” 

Jon laughed as he bent down a bit and kissed your cheek in response. you noticed that the more nervous Jon got, the more his slight southern accent would come out. you reciprocated the kiss but this time, you kissed him on the lips. he was taken by surprise but nevertheless, he returned it. this time deepening it a bit. 

after the two of you danced a few more songs, you took a break as Jon excused himself to the bathroom and you made a beeline to the bar to refill your glass along with Jon’s. 

“hey there gorgeous,” you heard the voice from the last person you wanted to see. you turned to Michael and gave him a tight lipped smile, “good evening Michael,” you responded, trying to get back to getting your drinks. “I saw you with your little boyfriend earlier but I knew I had to come over here and tell you how fine you looked.” 

you felt yourself wanting to gag by what he was saying as you felt him grab your wrist, “since your boyfriend isn’t around, how about you give me a little dance,” he asked. just as you were about to response, you felt Jon’s presence behind you, “who’s this, baby?” he asked, staring down at Michael. 

to Jon’s credit, he was towering over Michael. “no one,” you replied, shaking yourself off of him, “hiya! I’m Jon, ( your names ) boyfriend. you are?” he asked. Michael scoffed, half scared at how Jon was looming over him, “I’m her coworker,” he replied before leaving. 

you look to Jon in relief, “thank you so much,” you said. he smiled, putting his arm around your waist, “no problem, isn’t that what I’m here for?” he asked with a smile on his face. without actually realizing what you were doing, you happened to snuggle closer to Jon as you saw Damian approaching the two of you. 

throughout the rest of the night, you kept yourself to Jon’s side as you remained with Damian and a few others. every time you left, Jon made sure that once you returned, he always had his arm around your waist or shoulder. Jon’s grasp was firm and even slightly possessive but you did not mind it one bit. 

if you were being honest, you were hoping that at some point in the future, the two of you would get farther than that but for the moment, you enjoyed being in his grasp. 

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #310

“i get pretty just to fuck my face up.”

Do you have a clock in your room? No. What book, movie, TV show, or video game have you been wanting to start up? I *want* to read The Testaments by Margaret Atwood, but I care more about reading Wings of Fire, so I probably realistically won't for a long time. I don't read enough for that; Sutherland will surely keep pumping out books in the series so I'll never catch up, haha. As for a movie, I've been interested in seeing Jacob's Ladder for a very long time; it served as a very large influence on the Silent Hill series, and boy, anyone who brings up video games in front of me knows SH is my SHIT. I also just know I'm bound to like it with how essentially legendary it is in the psychological horror genre, which is my favorite. Onto TV show, I'm not certain. Shows don't really interest me. I would like to keep watching A:TLA w/ Sara, but "start up" implies beginning something new, so. Lastly, video games. There are a LOT of games I want to play, but yeah, I have no operational gaming console above a PS2. I'm dyinnnngggggg to play a ton of PS4 remasters (namely the original Spyro the Dragon trilogy and SoTC), but as for a fresh game I've never experienced, Ico, which is from the same producers of Shadow of the Colossus. It's an old game, and Mom's bought it off of Ebay for me twice, but neither disc worked - they froze only minutes into the game. It's hella expensive in new condition though because of its age... so who knows when I'll actually get to play it. Do you put anything else on your grilled cheese sandwiches? Just butter. Have you ever read a book in a different language? I've read some simple fairy tales as well as the play Faust in German courses. Do you want to go to the Harry Potter theme park at Universal? I have no connection with the franchise, but I mean, I'd go if you're paying, haha. If you had a secret room in your house, how would you decorate it? I'm trying to think what kind of room I'd keep a secret... Ha, actually, IF my love of tarantulas expands so largely to having dozens (which I doubt, but I acknowledge the possibility once I get my own place), a room kept on the down low to others just for them would be pretty cool. Imagine someone not knowing they're sharing a house with like, a hundred Ts, haha. As for actual decor, I'm unsure. I'd definitely keep it generally dark for them as nocturnal creatures, maybe with some Halloween decorations, like lots of fake webbing and neon green or orange lights. Man... that sounds dope. What did you get your dad for his last birthday? I couldn't buy him anything, nor did I actually make anything since I didn't know what to create. I just told him happy birthday, of course. Do any of your relatives live in another country? No. Are you claustrophobic? In some spaces, yes. Ever seen Blair Witch? Without spoilers, you know "that part" near the end? Yeah, if you've seen it, you know. That would be a fucking NIGHTMARE for me. Even watching it made me squirm. When grocery shopping, do you usually buy brand names or store brand? With most items anyway, we just get the store brand bc we cheap. Around what time do you usually eat dinner? Generally between 5:30-6:30 nowadays. Do you have any clothing that you get dry cleaned? No. Do you like foods with coconut in it? Eugh, not a coconut fan. I don't hate it as much as I used to, but I still don't like it. Have you ever researched your family history? No, but some past relative researched our family tree. Have you ever had surgery that kept you in the hospital for over a day? No. Do you like carrots more if they’re raw, or cooked? I hate carrots. Did you play with Legos as a kid? Nah, I was more into Lincoln Logs. Which bothers you more… spelling mistakes or bad grammar? It really depends on the severity and simplicity of the spelling or grammar rule. Grammatical misuse of "there/their/they're" stand out very strongly to me, though. Have you ever bought anything off of eBay? Yeah, a good number of things. Is anybody in your family schizophrenic? If so, what is their life like? I have a scizophrenic half-sister that I've never met, so I couldn't tell you. How organized is your mind? How do you know it's organized/disorganized? My mind is running Windows '98 with multiple windows and even more tabs open, all of them not responding. :^) Why do you follow the religion that you do? I don't follow one. My personal religious journey was a train wreck liberating to jump off of. Do you feel superior to others because you're that religion? I don't care if you're atheist, Christian, Buddhist, Islamic, whatever - you are by no means superior to another person in any way just because you believe different things happen once you die. If you do, it's time for some introspection. Are you a blind believer, or do you frequently challenge your own beliefs? Seeing as I went from Catholic to Christian to briefly Neo-Pagan-ish to what I am now, just believing there's some higher power/knowledge and some form of sentience after death, I obviously challenge them. What's the greatest thing about science? Life itself. This universe, this planet, your state of just knowing is a product of science, and that's pretty damn beautiful. Are you emotional or very stolid? I know I'm too emotional. I'm trying to get better about it. Do your siblings look like you? To a degree, but not NEARLY as much as they look like each other. Ashley and Nicole have been mistaken multiple times in their lives and even asked if they're twins. How many states have you lived in? Just this shitty one. How many states have you traveled through/vacationed in? Traveled through, a whole lot. Up and down the east coast. I've stayed in New York, Florida, Ohio, Illinois, South Carolina briefly, and I think possibly Michigan as a baby. Which state was/is your favorite? I don't know. Not NC, haha. You have two weeks alone in any place in the world; where would you go? Alone? Um... I dunno. I'd get lonely through two weeks in absolute isolation. How old were you when you first moved out of your parents' home? I want to say I was 18 when I briefly "moved in" with Jason and our roommates. Did you ever have to move back in? Yeah; the apartment didn't last very long. None of us were ready. How old were you when you thought you were "in love" for the first time? I was in love at 16. I'd fight God literally for eternity to prove that fact. How many exterior doors are in your home? Two, or maybe three, depending on your outlook. We have like this deck in the back with a roof and mesh separating you from the outside, and then you properly go into the yard from the door beyond that. How many cars have you owned? I myself, none. How many email accounts do you have? Ummmm my very first one I misspelled, so I didn't use it long before making a new one with the correct spelling, then later I had no choice but to make a Gmail to use YouTube, and I know I've had at least one email specifically for school. I'm probably forgetting some other oldies I used for small things. What was the last movie you watched alone? The Shining. What (if any) one television program do you watch religiously every day/week? None. What (if any) is your favorite sport? Dance. Scoff at that shit and then try one dance session and tell me it's not one. What is your favorite musical? None. Have you ever seen a live opera production? No. Dressing up for an evening out: Pants or skirt? Pants. I don't show my legs. What do you currently hear right now? I'm listening to Dance With the Dead's "The Man Who Made a Monster." I LOVE the aesthetic of synthwave and rock mixed together, but the only problem I have with this song is that it's very repetitive. Still stuck in my head though, haha. What type of survey do you refuse to take? I'm not into bolding surveys, specifically. Do you like to run? bitch fuck no Do you think you could run the mile in 10 minutes? Zero chance. What was the longest movie you watched? Hm, I don't remember... It's faintly there in my head, I just can't identify it... Have you ever been to a job interview? Well yeah. Who was the last person to call you? My psychiatrist. Now that I'm doing the partial hospitalization program again, he calls once a week. When was the last time you talked to your last ex boyfriend? Uhhh I think around the start of this month? Missed him and felt like chatting for a bit. Is your dog mixed or full? I don't have a dog, buuuut... we're getting one soon! I'm quite sure she's a mutt. What was the last thing you and your mother did together? Rode to the pharmacy to pick up my meds. Do you take good pictures? I like to think so. What is your display picture on myspace/facebook right now? The most recent selfie I took and liked. I'm finally comfortable using makeupless photos as a display picture. :') Not that I like my body by any means, I just don't care enough to feel like I HAVE to wear makeup to be even remotely pretty in the face. As for everywhere else... ahahaha. What is going on outside right now? It's raining. Like it has been for what feels like literally weeks - and it might actually have been. There's been one or two sunny days in a huge streak of just nothing but rain. It's so gross outside by now; we've been under a flood warning for days on end. Who was the last person you kissed? My best friend, but we were dating then. What color looks the best on you? Black. Have you ever bought the wrong size because you were too lazy to check it? Oh, absolutely. I LOATHE trying on clothes. You have to essentially drag me to go do it. I don't have a good reason other than I don't want to, lol. What was the last thing you bought over 5 dollars? I put down the deposit on my tattoo. c: Do you have any mag subscriptions? No. What is something you're not scared of but a lot of people are? Snakes are probably the highest on the list. I adore snakes, all snakes. Would you ever have a threesome? No; I'm strictly monogamous and to me would be cheating even if your partner was in on it. Are you an U.S. citizen? Yep. Do you have any step siblings? I have a stepbrother, yeah, but I don't see him as my brother, honestly. He's a very quiet and reclusive guy I've had almost no conversations with, and they've only ever been short. Do they annoy you? Nah, he's fine. How many times a day do you talk to your mom on the phone? Well, we live together... What did you wear yesterday? The same pjs I'm in now. I'm changing when I take a shower later. The tank top is a Day of the Dead-esque skull pattern, while the pants are mostly navy with skulls and candy can crossbones that say "nice until proven naughty" arching over and beneath them. They were a Christmas gift from my sis and are really soft and comfortable. Really don't care that it's now out of season, I wear them anyway. I do not match colors AT ALL, but again, I don't care. What color straightener do you have? We don't have one; neither Mom or I use one. Do you listen to music really loud or really low? Turn that shit up LOUD. I'll be nearly deaf one day, but... worth it? lol Do you live with anybody other than your siblings and your parents? No. Both my sisters have moved out. I'm still here because I'm just not emotionally or financially equipped to live on my own yet. Who was your last crush? I still like my best friend, but agree with her that right now isn't the time for anything. How many tattoos do you have? Currently only six. :( What is your favorite thing to do? Car rides with Mom while I ride passenger, controlling the music nice and loud with my iPod. It's odd, considering I'm very afraid of being on the road, but it's just such a freeing, wild feeling to blare music and just go, letting your mind wander. How many pets do you own? I only have a cat and a snake right now, but we're getting a dog hopefully very soon, preferably today actually when Mom has to go to the appropriate city for her normal check-up to keep her cancer at bay. Her name is Vanna and sounds so perfect for us. Mom can barely wait. Are you close with your parents? Yes, very, Mom especially. Where do you shop the most for your clothes? Hot Topic or Wal-Mart. I'd really like more stuff from Rebel's Market; they have such a wide range of stuff that just scream my aesthetic. I got my purse from there, and it's fantastic quality and so cool-looking. Have you ever read a whole series of books? Well, one trilogy that I remember: Shiloh. I adored those books and the movies. I got very, very deep into Warriors by Erin Hunter, but then my interest in reading waned, and I'm immensely behind. I don't think I'll pick it up again, but I've thought briefly about it. When you tell someone you love them do you mean it? Yes. Are you going to walk at your graduation or just pick your diploma up? I walked. Do you ever eat anything everybody else thinks is gross? Hm, perhaps. I'd have to think for a while. What did you do for your last birthday? I just ate pizza at home with my one sister that was free that day, Mom, and a family friend, as well as opened presents. What do you plan on doing for your 18th birthday? I don't recall, but I think that may have been when I was in the psych hospital. Or was that my 21st? I don't remember. Do you have to type with good grammer? Yes. I type pretty much exactly how I talk. What is your favorite quote? It's hard to pick one singular favorite. Are you allowed to cuss in front of your parents? Dad could care less, but I try to limit myself with Mom, especially with "fuck." She's not a fan, nor does she like if I just swear too much in front of her. Like she won't yell at me or anything, she just makes it clear she wants me to stop. How long was your last phone conversation? Just a couple minutes. I didn't get the Zoom link to group therapy one day and let the place know. Turns out their email was fucking up. Which one of your friends annoy you? The family friend I mentioned a few questions above has the ability to be incredibly aggravating. I love her, but she has zero issue with inserting herself into everything (and sometimes we just don't want to see her), and she voices incredibly rude opinions literally no one asks for a whoooole lot. She's got a strong tendency to try to take control over every situation. Her being our landlord now makes it harder to speak up, and besides, no one wants to hurt her feelings. Don't be mistaken though, she truly is an incredible person with a heart more caring than probably any person I know. Have you ever lost a close friend to death? No, thank fuck. I mean, I think. I do believe one of my childhood online friends committed suicide because of sexual abuse from her own fucking brother, but I guess I'll never know. She was talking to me one night horribly depressed and scared and then just vanished. Bless her, I loved her. Do you know someone who suffers from addiction? Yes. Do you have a lot of pictures in your room? Tons of posters and artwork, anyway. I currently don't have any photographs, but I got this shadowbox thing for my bday to decorate with pictures of Teddy so I can use it in my "tribute shrine" or whatever for him, and I'd also like to frame the picture of Sara's and my first hug and maybe put it on my bedside table. Do you have Facebook? Yeah, I do. Have you ever found a dog/cat on the side of the road? I myself, no, but a friend's mom did find two poor kittens thrown aside in a fucking plastic bag... Some people are abominable. Knowing how much my family loved cats, she reached out to us, and we took them in and named them Aphrodite and... I can't remember the other's name. She disappeared kinda early. Aphrodite wound up being one of my most beloved cats and was even the mother of a kitten that same family adopted. Delilah is still alive, doing wonderfully, and incredibly loved. <3 Aphrodite, meanwhile, as well as all our other cats at the time, were taken by animal control because our neighbors were tired of them wandering, even though they were too fucking cowardly to confront us first. I've said in many surveys that I am very much against outdoor cats, but I wasn't then because I was uninformed and really didn't understand. I wailed and sobbed and just pure shrieked like a banshee outside when we came home to learn they were taken. I have no clue how any are now, and that's the worst part. Do you go bowling in your town? We are in the middle of a pandemic, lol. Even beforehand though, I rarely went. Last time I did was on a date with Girt. We had fun. Do you have a drive-in theater? No sir. What brand is your favorite shoe? Converse. Is your best friend's mom like your own? They're quite similar, yes. Both are very sweet and caring for others. Do you have anxiety or depression? Try both. What is your favorite fast food restaurant? Sonic. Do you own a pair of brass knuckles? Nah. Have you and your friends ever made up a word? Likely as kids. Do you have any embarrassing baby pictures of yourself? Not that I know of. What is the worst smell in the world? Anyone remember that survey I took mentioning my dog's old tumor? Yeah, that after he spent overnight in a diaper and inevitably peed himself in his old age. And he had a UTI. You probably can't even imagine how fucking vomit-inducing that smell was. Do you dye your hair a lot? No. :/ I really wish. I have so many colors I wanna try. Do you have anybody in your family who rides dirtbikes/fourwheelers? Not really? No one in my family owns one. My younger sister would totally go if you asked her and had one for her to use, though. She's done it plenty before. Have you ever rode a dirtbike/fourwheeler? Yeah, a fourwheeler, and it's really fun! Tell me how you got one of your scars? Hmmm, let's think of a unique one. Ah, my shins, left one especially. When I shave my legs, they get unbelievably itchy, even if I use lotion, and I would scratch my skin absolutely raw so often that I have permanent scars. It's partially why I barely shave my legs anymore. Have you ever had a friend who cut themselves? I know many, sadly. I don't know of any that still do, thankfully. I promise, it never helps. If you ever have the urge, I can't suggest enough running where you want to self-harm under cold water or slap the location (like your wrist) with a rubber band. The latter is especially helpful. It's a similar burning sensation and doesn't leave marks. It would help me refrain sometimes. What is your favorite thing to do in the summer? Swim in a nice, warm pool. Otherwise, become a hermit and wait for the outdoors to not be prepared to melt the flesh off my bones. x_x Do you go tanning or do you lay out? Neither, ugh. As you can guess from above, I hate the sensation of heat on me. What is your favorite skin lotion? I just really like cocoa butter. Smells really good and is perfectly moisturizing. Do you use a lot of hair products? The only hair product I use is shampoo, haha. Do you have a cousin you dislike? No. Well, one is incredibly brainwashed and misled by her psychopath of a father, but I love her nonetheless. We talk now and again because family is important to her. Have you ever heard Theory of a Deadman? Yeah, they're good. What is your comfort food? Absolutely ice cream. Who is your celebrity crush? Mark Fischbach/Markiplier is a perfect human being with the looks of a god and heart of a saint and you cannot convince me otherwise. What’s the song you most wish you had written? "Imagine" by John Lennon is a high contendant, for sure. Definitely something I'd write. Have you ever been stuck by someone very annoying on a plane/bus/etc? I think so at one point or another. Did you get lost at all on your first day of high school? Ha, for sure. Have you ever been interrupted during sex? A bitch knows how to act asleep if she hears a door so much as barely squeak, I'll tell you that much lmaooo. Have you ever been recorded doing stupid things while drunk? No. Has a significant other ever called you by the wrong name? No. Have you ever cooked anything and it turned out horrible? I've barely actually cooked anything in order TO fuck up. Have you ever made a bad first impression on someone’s parents? I can't say with certainty, but I think Jason's mom had her doubts about me at first because she commented on the ripped jeans I wore when I went to his house for the first time. She came to love me like her own though, and I love(d) her. I was actually just thinking about her and how she's doing the other day. What is a food that you always are in the mood to eat? Always? Perhaps sour candy, like Sour Punch Straws in specific. Ever held a newborn animal? Many kittens, yes. Do you make a wish when you blow out your birthday candles? I do, but just for the annual appeal of it. I don't actually believe it will have any effect on what I wished, it's just... normal, ig. What is the last thing you searched for online? Medical coding classes. Having trouble finding any free ones that are actually legit... Is it wicked hard for you to sleep when it's hot in your room? It's borderline impossible. Do you dunk your cookies in milk? Sometimes, and almost always with Oreos. Do medical terms make you uncomfortable? Ha, speaking of medical coding... No, not really. It's unnerving to hear "you have _____," but I understand it can be something so, so minor. Of course, it could be the exact opposite, but. I also actually find it quite interesting to learn the Latin roots of the terms. Are you afraid of failure? Beyond measure. Have you been called a bad influence? Yes, to my former friend's son. Not that that witch of a woman was a great person. I'd love to know how an infant can be negatively affected by receiving nothing but love from his "aunt," also having no concept of understanding about me being unemployed and not very "adult-ish" in general, which I'm sure is what she meant. Normally judgment hits me deep, but that shit I just rolled my eyes at.

[cherryyharryy]

Burning Words

Chapter Three: I’m the one who grades you

WC: 6.4k

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The air is sticky, humid, suffocating. The sun barely crosses the horizon, but it feels like it’s been on duty for hours. I tug at the collar of my sweatshirt to circulate some air between my skin and clothes, but I think it just makes things worse. 

My apartment isn’t too far from class. Technically off campus, but close enough that I don’t have to worry about owning a car. But days like these make me wish I had one. I run my sleeve over my forehead and slow my gait once I’m in view of all the early risers who are scrambling to get to class on time. 

I reach the English building, rounding the corner once I’m inside to see Harry and Danielle arguing beside the door to our class. I swallow past a dry throat and take a few steps back so I’m out of sight, checking the time on my phone. It’s two ‘til eight. My nerves prickle with the idea of being late, but each time I think about walking by those two, my legs refuse to move. 

He’s animated, gesticulating with purpose, brows knitted together, ascetic, defeated. Despite the empty halls, I cannot decipher a single word, only strings of half-bitten syllables coming from the both of them. Something about manipulation and did you seriously think and you owe me. Danielle remains calm, at least from what I can tell of the back of her head, while Harry’s face grows red. 

I only watch for a few minutes until someone exits a room opposite our class. Harry and Danielle separate on impulse. She’s the first to leave, storming off down the hall with her hair flowing behind her. Harry stays put, his head bent at the neck, staring at the ceiling. He’s frozen for a moment or two, and then he shakes out his shoulders, sucks in a breath, and heads into class. 

I slip inside, and take my usual seat not long after, and fan myself discreetly with the note cards I made last night. Dr. Pierce begins class today, straying off topic as I’ve found he’s keen on doing, until Harry redirects the discussion by clearing his throat. 

“Ah, yes, Mr. Styles has your graded reports to hand back.” 

“Most everyone did exceptionally well.” Harry steps back to the desk and gathers a stack of papers. I gulp. “Some of you however, didn’t seem to grasp the instructions...I hope you can learn from this mistake before any future assignments.”

Was he looking at me? Was he talking to me? Surely the shake of his head was intended for someone else. Maybe the guy in the back who falls asleep each class, or the girl who’s missed three weeks in a row. Maybe—

“As I was saying, if you have any questions or concerns, drop by my office sometime this week.”

He straightens his posture and begins reciting the names of everyone in the room. One by one, students shuffle to the front. When my name is called, I might as well be marching up to a guillotine. 

I know I did well. Jessie read it, my mom, Ms. Bortnick, the student writing center...other than a handful of grammar mistakes...this was just a book report after all. Why am I so nervous?

“Remember, if you’d like to discuss your grade you can see me during my office hours. And my office hours only.”

Don’t expect a perfect score, don’t expect a perfect score...

Fuck. Red marks are everywhere, between the lines, in the margins, and topping it all off is a giant 27 circled at the top. No. Fuck no.

I look up and Harry is already pulling up a powerpoint, ready to continue the discussion on The Catcher in the Rye, but I can barely make it back to my seat. Where is my seat? What planet am I on? What the hell is happening? Hypothermia, suffocation, immolation...which one, pick one, it doesn’t matter anyway.

I find my chair and sink down. He’s cruel, possibly morbid, because this is a sick joke. And I don’t want to hear him or see him or feel his movements through the vibrations when he’ll undoubtedly find his way to my row and tap on the desk, so I pull out my headphones like the kind of student my grade represents and pretend the last five minutes did not just happen.

*** 

It’s the guy who chews his gum unreasonably loud that nudges me awake as he’s leaving. He looks back over his shoulder, smacking away, to see that I get up. Everyone’s just an ass today. And there to greet me upon knuckling away the fogginess in my eyes is Harry’s handwriting in what might as well be my blood. I don’t even want to know what horrible thing I did to deserve this.

“Excuse me, Dr. Pierce?” 

He’s cleaning up his desk, smiling when he looks up to me. “What can I help you with?”

I look down at my report, and hold it out between pinched fingers like it’s toxic. “M—my grade. It’s...bad. Really bad,” I dry laugh. “I’ve never done this...bad.”

“Well, Mr. Styles graded these reports so you’re better off asking him. You can leave it with me, but it’ll be awhile before I get a chance to look at it. I still have last week’s quizzes to finish up for you all.” He’s still smiling. This is just a joke for all of them, isn’t it? “But he’ll have whatever answers you’re looking for.”

I turn, slowly, like a child in trouble, to see Harry standing by the door. His shoulders slouch unusually low and rigid, and his nose is a hot red. He’s toeing at the ground while students file out of the room. 

I’ve only ever approached him one other time, and it was just because Dr. Pierce had to step out for a phone call. A couple of weeks ago, we had to partner up for a writing assignment, and to no one’s surprise, our uneven numbered class left me standing alone by my desk, flashbacks from middle school invading my brain. 

With great reluctance, I inched my way to the front where Harry was sat at Pierce’s desk, busy grading some of our work. I cleared my throat which earned his attention, and bitterly told him of my dilemma, and how I had no problem in working alone. 

“No, that’s not necessary. We can find you a pair to work with. You can just divide the work up between three people.” 

He wore a smile as he led the way back towards the class, clapping his hands to silence the chatter. 

“We’re going to have one group of three, any volunteers?”

If a meteor had been headed for Earth in the very place I was standing, I wouldn’t have moved. 

“Anyone?” He asked, when not a single pair made a move to accept me. “It’ll be less work on you individually,” he bargained. 

He had turned to me, keeping his smile up as best he could and motioned for me to follow him. If I was someone else, someone who didn’t fight off a panic attack each time I had to type out an email or place my order at a restaurant, I would have spoken up. I would have told Harry—Mr. Styles—that I didn’t need his help. That I was fine by myself. Or that I could have found my own group. That I really, really didn’t want to work with Danielle, despite not having a reason. 

But I am me, unfortunately, so in a blur of a memory I want to forget, the next thing I remember is sliding in a desk beside the girl who kissed Harry on the cheek when he bent down to pick up her pencil. 

He blushed and told her to stop. She didn’t, going in for another before he could say anything else. The other girl just cooed at them like they were puppies, and for once I was thankful no one pays attention to me, or else my eye roll might have rubbed them the wrong way. 

“This is due before class is over, so get to work.”

And, as expected, as my life typically turns out, I was responsible for the entire assignment. I wrote nearly three pages worth of quotes from To Kill a Mockingbird while Danielle talked about Harry and how cute he is, and how good of a grade she’s gonna get, and how he’s just too sweet for his own good.

“Do you need anything, y/n?” Harry’s voice shakes me from my thoughts. 

I look around to see we’re the only two left. He’s closing out of the powerpoint, raising his brows at me from behind the desk. 

I shake my head. No. This is not what I want. Fuck. I’m back at my seat, shoving this wretched report into my bag. He says my name as I’m leaving but I don’t bother looking back. 

•••

I stuff my change into my purse and bid the cashier a soft goodbye. My steps heading out of the grocer’s are timid, avoiding slick spots of water that customers drag in from the rain. A woman steps through the door, the bell shrieking in her presence as she shakes the rain off her coat. I brush what I can off my arm. She sees me but doesn’t say a word. 

A clap of thunder greets me once I’m outside. It’s chilly, and yet I still feel like it’s summer. And here I thought that Georgia weather was crazy. 

Bustlings of mothers and their small children, college kids, and an elderly man hurry past me while I secure myself under the green and white striped awning. Curtains of water pour down from all four sides; it disrupts my view. I have four plastic grocery bags gripped in my hands, a headache looming at the base of my neck, and the growing acceptance that there is no way I am going to make it to the student lounge unscathed by Mother Nature: I had forgotten  my umbrella. 

With a grumble I’ll share with Jessie tomorrow, I burst through the shroud of freezing rain, only to plow right into a hard body. 

“M’so sorry, sorry,” I throw out. I earn a slew of curse words from the old man, and with nothing more in return, I am left to scramble along the sidewalk for the contents of my bags alone. Thick, icy drops hammer onto me. 

Until they’re not. 

A veil of rain encloses around me. When I look up the clouds are gone, but a large, leopard print umbrella has taken their place.  

What pains me more than the source itself, is the tingling electric shocks pricking me from the inside-out at the sound of a deep, British accent. It vibrates, I conclude, and I feel it in my ribs, strumming, burning, like making a snowball with your bare hands. The sound is conflicting. I don’t know if his voice is noise or not. I swallow and yank a box of tampons off the gritty sidewalk. He says my name. 

And I don’t bother to look up, hoping he’ll carry on and leave me to endure the rest of this embarrassing moment by myself. I’ve had practice. I’m good at it. But then he’s reciting my name once again, and I don’t know how I feel about a man using what is mine to get my attention. I sigh roughly, and peer up to Harry hovering over me. 

He’s in nice clothes, hair plastered to his face, translucent skin, red nose. His mouth moves, but all I hear is rain. Lightning strikes off in the distance and I wonder what his eyes would look like in the heat. I’m still kneeling on the ground when he crouches down. 

“I’m busy, so if you don’t—”

“Do you need help?”

“No.” I have to crawl and stretch my arms in different directions to gather the rest of my things. He does the best he can to follow me with the umbrella, and once I’m back on my feet with my arms full, he steps forward so I’m protected once again. I want to cry. 

“Do you—would you like a ride home?”

“No.” I make it three steps before he’s back by my side and shielding me again. 

“It looks like you do.”

“Then you’re obviously not looking hard enough. I don’t need your help.” I linger for a second, my face scorched with a black heat, realizing those are the words I chose, before attempting to step away. 

His cologne persists even through the downpour, growing stronger as he repeats his actions and brings the two of us together once more, only this time he cradles my elbow with his free hand and urges me to move out of the way of two teenage girls. “We’re blocking traffic.”

“You are. I need to go, so if you don’t mind…” I wriggle my arm and he slips his hand off my skin. 

“The walk back to the dorms will take you twenty minutes.”

“That would be a problem if I was going to the dorms. I have my own apartment.”

“Where—wait—Stone Bridge? By that small park? That’s even farther.” His accent is thicker, ellipsed and coated in syrup. I blame the rain. “Let me drive you over there.”

I’m soaked, so much so that my bones are getting wet. No one looks good in the rain. But he does and I know I do not. And he teaches literature, I do not. He has a car and I do not. He is something and I am... I’m backing up now. I’m confident that my soul has left my body and is hovering over me, shaking her head, not wanting to associate herself with me any longer. I wonder who he would pick to protect from the rain now? Me or her? I can only hope the mascara dragging down my face will be enough to scare him off. Go help her, she’s innocent and I am not. 

“There is no way in hell that you’re doing me any favors, okay. I’d rather lightning burn me to a crisp. At least I wouldn’t have to see you in class ever again.”

“Is this about your grade?”

“No! It is not about my grade! It’s about you—”

I lose my footing, scrambling to catch myself, but I fail triumphantly when my entire backside collides with the sidewalk. I wish a flaming bolt of lightning had struck me right there on the sidewalk outside of Jo’s Market; it’d be more convenient. But instead of sizzling away on the pavement, I am holding back tears with every ounce of strength I can summon while Harry abandons his umbrella to fall to his knees beside me. I want to die. I want to die. I want to die. 

“Are you alright?”

“I’m fine.”

“Here, lemme help you up.”

I don’t have the energy to push away his hands as they find appropriate places to support my body. I rise at an angle, partially because all my things are back on the ground and now I have to start all over, and the more presiding reason is the stifling pain in my ankle. His fingers dig into my arm and my side, somehow strong but not terribly so. Why did the image of small fingerprint bruises cross my mind? Hopefully the rain will cleanse my thoughts.

“Can you stand?” He asks. I haven’t added weight to my leg, and he gets his answer before I can respond. “Your ankle—here.” Smoothly, he maneuvers himself so my arm is draped over his shoulder, his arm wrapping around my back as a crutch. We are stuck together, forming our own three-legged race towards the parking lot. All that big talk I did moments ago, and now I’m not sure if I’m allowed to protest. I forget how to speak anyway, so it doesn’t matter. 

The seats of his car are leather, and I am glued to them. It smells like him and I find myself taking deeper breaths, ushering his perfume as deep into my lungs as they allow. It makes my eyes flutter and my cheeks warm. My soul is missing out. The air is a sedative, and she could use the rest.  

“I’m goin’ to get your stuff. Wait here.”

I’m not sure if he is trying to be funny, but I don’t laugh. He returns a minute later and tosses my bags into the trunk, folds his umbrella and shakes it out as if that would cut down on the flood the both of us are bringing into his car, and slides into the driver’s seat. He slips his glasses off and uses his shirt to clean the lenses. 

“I think I’m okay. I mean I think I can walk.” I try not to wince. 

His eyes are different in the car than they were outside, and even more different than in class. “You can’t even put your foot down in here.” He rolls his eyes and suddenly I don’t want his scent in my body any longer. “I’m—just let me take you. It’s a ten minute drive.”

“Not to my apartment.”

“What?” He puts the car back in park after having backed up an inch. 

“My roommate’s boyfriend is visiting. He lives in Wyoming.” I pause, but realize it’s not enough information. “I promised to stay out for a bit tonight so they could...y’know...catch up.”

“Well what were you planning on doing then?”

“Was just gonna, I don’t know, hang around campus. There’s a rec room.”

“No.”

“No?”

“You can’t go sit, soaking wet in a cold ass lounge for hours with a busted ankle.”

“It’s just twisted, it’ll ease up fine by morning.”

“Is there somewhere else you can stay? A friend’s room?” He starts the car again and I squirm to face him, changing my mind immediately. His eyes are swollen, beaten, a criminal red. I’ve only been high a few times, but I’ve cried enough to hold a record. 

“No I’ll be fine, just take me back to school, please. The library is fine, it’s closer.”

“I’m not—I can’t,” he sighs, “Okay, what about the hospital? They can take a look at you.”

“No. No thanks.”

“I don’t feel comfortable leaving you all alone. What if something happens? You can’t even walk, love.”

I ignore the flush of heat making its way from the top of my head to the twinging pain down below. In fact, I ignore a lot of things, like how drops of water take their time crawling down his neck, or how his shirt adheres to his body like a second skin. His knuckles swivel and pulse with each turn he makes. And then I remember I’m moving.

“What um,” he clears his throat and his fingers tighten around the wheel, knuckles no longer dancing. “My—I could take you to my apartment. S’not far from yours.”

I keep my gaze trained on his hands. I need to look at him but his eyes would be too much, his face would be too much. It’s odd, the shift in everything but my focus. He is no longer the man that stands tall in front of a group of people and speaks with purpose. He doesn’t take his eyes off the road, and before I utter a response, he’s offering up more of his thoughts.

“Only if you want to, of course. I’m not trying—I don’t wanna pressure you, given our...dynamic.”

“Our dynamic?”

“Yeah...you’re my—I mean we’re...fuck. I don’t want you to think I’m implying anything, or that our relationship inside the classroom will be affected either way. My roommate’s out of town with family, so, there’s a spare room. That’s what I’m saying.”

We are at a red light. The wipers squeal and squelch against the glass, back and forth, rhythmic. I grow tired, drowsy in the warmth of his car, and then he starts driving again. We’re moving along below the speed limit, and when he stops at a crosswalk, he turns the heat up. 

It no longer feels like we are in New York, everything is so slow. It feels like I’m in a movie, only I have to come up with my lines all on my own and Harry is actually sad, not acting, and tomorrow I’ll wake up and remember the way he looked under an umbrella. 

“Um, I guess that would be okay.” My voice barely presides over the wipers. His fingers relax, and his knuckles swim again. “As long as I’m not bothering you.”

“No, not at all. Like I said, roommate’s gone, so it’s just me.”

***

His apartment is foreign. Metallic and earthy, a serene jungle, much more aesthetically pleasing than mine. I feel a syringe filled with tree bark and old books and mint shoot into my veins when he looks at me. This is his territory, and I feel intrusive. 

It is dark and navy, indigo, washed woods. Copper pots hang from a rack over the sink. The rugs all match one another, and a painting of a mermaid hangs on one wall. The outdoors are brought inside, almost like a fairy god from a damp forest had decorated this space. The splash of color is a mustard gold. 

A secretary’s desk sits under the window, abruptly capturing a 1940’s moment. Books and papers litter the top. It is the messiest part of the room, and I wonder how untamed he might be with early morning light striking his unwashed face while he makes notes in a book we’d be discussing in class. I wonder if he jots down the questions he fires at me in class, scribbles my name in red ink and underlines it three times, bulleting a list of possible things I’ll say. 

The rain beats against the window, and yet somehow I can still see with my eyes closed.

He stands at the sink in nothing but boxers, sipping on coffee much too strong for me while thumbing through a newspaper.

He sits poised in the navy armchair, reading 18th century literature I never would be able to digest. 

He leans against the bookcase, strumming the guitar, and only stopping to sip on wine more expensive than me and adding notes to a music sheet I can’t understand.

“You okay?”

My thoughts blurr away and Harry is back in focus. He drips all over the floor, and as I follow a drop of rain down his jaw—it had come from his hair, and landed on his left hand—I remember that I am a mess.

“Yeah, m’good.”

“Let me get you a towel. I know you probably want a shower, but I’d feel better if you didn’t. You’re still pretty wobbly and I’m not the best in emergencies.” He speaks over his shoulder with his back to me while he rummages through a small closet. I imagine myself arguing with him, because he appears to be the exact kind of person you’d want in an emergency, but figure we’ve done enough of that already. 

“Thanks.” The towel is soft and green. He leaves me to dry off in peace, rounding a neck-high bookcase that works as a divider between the front entryway and the kitchen. 

I shuffle closer to the living room and rub down my body, although it does little good. My clothes are suctioned to me. I pick at the fabric and pry it off my skin, which only erupts another round of chills. 

I take a moment, while I’m unattended, to scan my eyes over his home. It’s cozy and lived in. If I take a few steps I can see around the bookcase. Harry’s hunched over the sink, his hands gripping the counter’s edge. His shoulders shake slightly, which reinforces the cold I feel on my own. Head bowed, I see him suck in a deep breath before straightening his form, sighing at his phone. He starts to move and I jump back out of sight. 

“Ow—shit!”

“Y/n?” He hurries around to see me in all my fine glory. “What happened?”

I look up at him from the floor, sighing defeatedly. “I—I just tripped. I’m fine.”

“Okay, your ankle is worse than I thought. I’m taking you to the h—”

“No, really. It wasn’t my ankle, just, I’m a klutz.”

“The student clinic is still open. I can have them take a look at you.” He grabs his keys off the counter and pauses, tossing them back. “Sorry,” he sighs, “I—I don’t know where my head’s at today.” He bends down and hooks his arm under my back and lifts me up so I’m standing, well, leaning into him. “I’ve got some clothes for you to change into.”

“No I’m fine.”

“You want to stay in your wet clothes?”

He doesn’t sound accusatory. Sad, he almost sounds sad. I shake my head, my mouth fumbling over silent words as I scream at myself from the inside. “I, I just mean, I don’t wanna be a bother and—”

“I wouldn’t have offered.”

I gulp and nod, our conversation ending there as he helps me sit in one of two chairs at a small metal table that divides the kitchen and living room. He disappears behind me, and I’m left alone to summon whatever force I’m capable of to prevent any tears from escaping. 

My efforts are distracted when his phone vibrates on the counter. Again and again it goes off, working its way to the edge. I’m sure it won’t fall, but with each round of movement, that seems increasingly untrue. I grip the seat of my chair and shuffle over the foot or so I need to be able to reach up and push his phone further back, but then I pause, and peer over my shoulder, still no sign of Harry, and selfishly slip his phone into my hand. 

His screen is filled with Danielle’s name. It’s enough to make me force the phone away, back on the counter where another message rolls in. I didn’t see much, only the most recent of texts—you're being a dick about this!!! 

“Here, think this might fit you. And I’ll throw your clothes in the dryer.” Harry returns, having changed himself, and sets a hoodie with our school’s name on it and a pair of grey sweats on the table. 

“Thanks,” I mutter. 

He helps me up, but as soon as we turn around he freezes. “Uh, why don’t you change here. In the kitchen. That’s where my dryer is anyway.” He nods to a little alcove homing twin laundry appliances. “I’ll wait in my room. Once you’re done we can head out.”

After assuring him I’m capable of dressing myself, he leaves. It feels wonderful to finally get my soaked clothes off, but once they are, the panic starts to creep it’s way up my spine. Despite his eyes not being on me, I feel exposed. And inappropriate, perhaps, for me to be standing stark naked in my TA’s kitchen. 

I scramble to get dressed, thankful for the loose clothing since my bra and underwear will have to be dried too. I shove my things into his dryer and set the timer, holding my breath while I call for Harry. 

“Don’t—I’ll come get you,” he rushes over to me and takes what is now the usual position of his arm around my back to help me walk. “Go slow, we don’t have to hurry.”

Without a layer of wet fabric drawing my attention, his touch feels that much more warm. I tentatively raise my arm to rest right below his neck, my hand using his shoulder for support. 

And if I said I was able to ignore how his muscles felt beneath my fingers or how his rough voice sounded in my ear, I’d be a liar. But I try anyway, and lie to myself the whole way back to campus. 

***

“You guys are cutting it close,” I hear the nurse tell Harry. He looks over his shoulder at me and turns back. I’m slumped in one of the waiting chairs while he signs me in. “We close in about ten minutes.”

“You’re still gonna see her though, right? She’s...in a lot of pain. Please.”

The nurse sighs and gives Harry a tempered look. “Have her fill these out. Quickly.”

“If we’re too late it’s fine,” I tell him when he sits down beside me. “And since we’re here, I can just go to the library like I planned.”

He turns to face me, a smile creeping its way onto his face. “Let me think about that...no.”

“Excuse me?”

“How do you plan on getting there?”

“Well, you.”

“Nope. My services are for trips to my apartment. Or yours. If you wanna hobble your way, allll the way to the other side of campus, to wait in a cold, dark library all by yourself and—”

“Okay, okay. I—”

“Are you filling out your paperwork or chatting?” The nurse interrupts. 

I’m filled with heat at being caught, but stifle my laugh nonetheless  when Harry rolls his eyes. “Fill that out before we get in trouble.”

My name is called minutes after Harry turns in my clipboard, and we’re led to a small room in the back. I refuse the exam table, knowing he’d have to help lift me to get me up there, and opt for one of the chairs in the room instead. 

In less than a breath, a tall woman donned in a white coat comes in. Her demeanor serves opposite places with the nurse up front, smiling big and wide as she shuts the door and shakes both mine and Harry’s hand. 

“I’m Dr. Reynolds,” she introduces herself before taking a seat on a rolling stool, eyeing the paperwork I filled out earlier. “So, looks like you’ve twisted your ankle.” 

“I tripped and fell on the sidewalk...I’m not even sure what I did to hurt it.”

“Can you put weight on it?”

I look to Harry, for whatever reason, as if he has the answer. “Uh,” I clear my throat, “not really. It hurts to do so.”

“Okay, well—do you mind?” Dr. Reynolds rolls over to me and reaches down, waiting for my nod before she slowly pulls up the leg of Harry’s sweat pants to the middle of my calf. “Yeah,” she sighs knowingly, “you’re pretty swollen.”

“Could it be broken?” Harry chimes in from beside me, his voice thick and rough. 

“How did you fall exactly?”

I blink a few times, recalling the memory, but I have to force my way through images of Harry in the rain with red eyes and an umbrella. “I kinda fell backwards. On the edge of the sidewalk, like I lost my footing.”

Dr. Reynolds hums and wheels back to the computer. “I’m leaning more towards a sprain or strain—but we can’t rule out a break until we get you x-rayed.”

“But, aren’t you about to close for the day? Do I have time?”

“We’ll run over a bit today, but it’s not a problem,” she smiles. “We have a wheelchair in another room I can get you. Then we’ll take the x-ray, and hopefully send you home without a broken diagnoses.”

***

“Lemme get you a towel.”

I don’t have time to protest before Harry dashes out of the bedroom. My knees pinch and sting when I lean over my legs to adjust the bag of ice sitting on my ankle. The cold burns already, and I’m not sure if I’ll make the full twenty minutes of icing before ripping the bag off my skin. 

Harry stays silent when he returns, folding a dish towel and placing it between my ankle and the bag. 

“Thank you.” I start to shift on the bed, but regret it immediately when Harry jumps in place and then bends over me to straighten the pillows behind me. 

“This alright?”

“Yeah, I’m uh, I’m good.”

“Okay—” he stops his own sentence, pinching the air before he’s out of the room again. 

I sigh and try to move my attention away from my ankle. It’s only a sprain, and a minor one at that, but the swelling hasn’t ceased any, and the weight I put on it after Harry got me back into his apartment earned me a sharp twinge of pain and a disapproving glare. 

I scan my eyes over the room. It’s a little too dark to make heads or tails out of anything other than the furniture. I hiss when I try to shift again, and yank the ice off my skin. I wrap the bag in the towel to keep the water from dripping anywhere, and set it on the nightstand, nudging a copy of 1984 out of the way. 

Harry bustles through the door a moment later, kicking it closed behind him. He looks down at the drink in his hands, chewing on his lip. “All I have is lemonade.”

“Thank you.” I hold back the smile I am supposed to offer. He looks relieved when I take the glass and a sip, nodding and relaxing his shoulders. “I uh...I did want to ask you…” I test the words, wait for the line to appear between his brows before finishing, “about my grade.” He does nothing more than narrow his eyes. I swallow and push my thoughts out. “You failed me.”

He blinks, rolling his lips in. “I did. But we can discuss this later. I—you need to rest.”

“O—okay.” I clear my throat and change the subject. “You play the guitar?”

“A bit.” His lips curl a little like he wants to smile, but they don’t quite make it. 

I hum and bring the covers close to my nose.

“Can I get you anything?”

He stands over me as I sink further into the bed. I shake my head.

“Okay, well—why is this not on your ankle?” He picks the ice up and tries to return it back to my leg, but I move too quickly, letting my foot hang over the bed. “Intervals of twenty minutes,” he hums. “C’mon.” He nods to my leg. 

I manage to hold back any sounds when I settle my foot back on the bed, but judging by Harry’s tsk, I know my face is a dead giveaway to my pain. 

“See? Gotta keep this on here,” he’s particular when adjusting the towel and bag, “you won’t get better, love, if you don’t take care of yourself.”

My mouth fills with heat, so all I’m capable of doing is nodding. He makes a show of setting a twenty minute alarm on a clock by the bed, clearing his throat as he quickly scoops up the contents of the nightstand; the book, nail polish, and a cherry chapstick, shoving them into a drawer in a dresser across the room. 

“You can, well you can stay as long as you’d like. Overnight I mean.” He coughs into his fist. “Just yell for me if you need anything. I’m listening, always. I’ll be...I’ll be in my room. Stay off that ankle.”

I nod, but make plans to wobble out of here as soon as I can. I’m not exactly an invited guest, and for all I know, I could be ruining his schedule...working or studying. A date. He clearly wasn’t in the best mood when we ran into each other this afternoon, and I’m sure having to babysit me doesn’t help any. My skin crawls; how could I have been so careless to not see when I’m being a burden? I’m usually pretty perceptive, or at least, I assume the worst anyway just as a precaution. You idiot. 

He looks over his shoulder, his glasses reflecting what little light fought through the clouds and rain. “Okay, well, I’ll let you be.” he faces the door again, but when he looks back his lip does curl this time. “I’d offer you a book...but I know where that’ll get us.”

***

My ankle stings, but not enough to where I can’t stand on it. I still make sure to occupy my weight on the opposite leg as I crack the door open and peer into Harry's living room. It is early, still dark, and the quiet has me kicking myself for falling asleep last night, forcing me into this twisted walk of shame I am about to endure.

Would he be awake? Dressed? Annoyed that I am still here? His courtesy had been offered out of pity, this I am sure of, and I have foolishly overstayed my welcome. All that is missing is the bed sheet draped over my naked body while he asks me to step out so he can put his clothes back on.

“Harry?”

I can taste the silence. It is unnerving. A few more utterances of his name yield the same result, and I find myself standing in the middle of his living room, dropping the imaginary sheet because he is not there to scrutinize my morning appearance.

There is only one other door beside the one I have just came from, and I press my ear against it for any sign of his presence. Again, there is nothing but the sound of my own pulse.

“Harry?”

I tap my knuckles against the wood...still nothing, and when I yank the courage from the bottom of my gut to open it, I am met with a clean bathroom, still humid and smelling of soap. My face twists and it’s not until I spin around to see a thick blanket covering the couch cushions that my brain finally pieces everything together...but surely he didn’t...fabricate a roommate?

What little energy I woke up with escapes my body. I feel weighed down while making my way to the kitchen. My things are sat neatly on the counter. He’s moved my groceries into a canvas tote and laid out a bottle of water and aspirin beside my folded clothes. 

When I sling the bag over my shoulder a slip of paper floats off the counter and flutters to the ground. I grab it and smooth it against my thigh. 

I was running late this morning, but there's cereal in the cabinet beside the fridge. Please don’t try to walk back. I can reimburse you for an Uber later—remember, I’m the one who grades you. 

I’ll be in the library today around 2. 

Bring your report. 

Harry

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Thank you @aileenacoustic @fromyourstrulyh and @bathrobesinparadise for beta reading for me!!!!!