#no wonder he is so depressed in s5

[tiodolma]

4 x 03

Merlin’s like “Arthur I will forgive all your genocidal tendencies even when I know you would be willing to kill me and everyone I ever love on the spot, because I know you will be a great king to me and my people” while also being “magic will be outlawed, i can never reveal myself to him.”

Just how complicit could this guy get? The destiny BS fucked him up real bad. This isn’t love, my friends, this is creepy blind devotion, an egotistical kind of obsession.

Merlin’s kindness, compassion and trust in others, while being his greatest strength, is also his weakness. There should have been a limit to where his compassion could reach, but for Arthur it is an infinite well. There was no “I love you but you have gone too far” kind of line anymore.

Where does Merlin even draw the line? He endures the daily physical abuse. He stays quiet thru the insults and inhumane dismissals. He has forgiven Arthur for murdering innocents. He has cheered him on as king even when Arthur has declared magic, all Merlin’s people, Merlin himself as Evil, even when Arthur has disregarded and ignored all evidence of otherwise.

The damning truth is, Merlin has no line drawn for Arthur... And that is scary. That spells doom for everyone else whom Merlin decides is not worth saving. This is also means Merlin is not saving himself anymore.

I think At s4 Merlin has unwittingly become so close to Arthuriana Merlin. Let’s be real. Merlin is a horrible savior character. He is a powerful class traitor at best.

If i was a druid I’d do everything to incapacitate Merlin too. And slap him to his senses too. Tell him that the prophecy isnt helping anyone anymore. It’s only helping the abuser. I want to make him see whats happening on the ground. I want to expose how blind he has become while staying in that pedestal of privilege called “arthur’s side”.

I’d tell him he is more than a kingmaker. That He Is A Person who should be loved, who should be cherished and respected At All Times, not just when the monarchy or the fates seem fit.

Morgana was right. Mordred was right. Lancelot was Right, William was right. Sigan was right. Gilli was right.

This is why Adventures of Merlin should be left in 2013 lmao. How the hell did this become a family-friendly show, I can never understand. (Pulls hair out... but well hey this kind of stuff is what makes Marvel movies nowadays. hhhhhhh)

......................

Merlin should have ran away with Freya when he had the chance. Fuck Gaius for turning Freya in, honestly.

[miss-eli-starfleet]

My critique of CW’S The Flash

The Flash is one of my absolute favourite shows, and I think it deserves one of these. Yes my favourite shows deserve critiques because there are changes I would’ve liked to see instead. This is all just my opinion on the show, not exactly hating it. Plus.. I saw someone else doing something similar to here goes.

Imma be clear at the start. I don’t hate WestAllen, just really really disappointed with how they were written in the latter seasons sometimes.

Props to every actor in the Flash who put all their effort into the show whether the script was cringe or not.

Season 1-2 was FIRE. No complaints. Loved the WestAllen.

Season 3 was good,

but I think they could’ve done Savitar better. Still liked him as the big bad being depressed/emo!Barry. I’ll say that I got really attached to Harry in S2 which made me wonder why they have HR there at all? The dude grew on me, and he added humour to the team, but honestly between him and Harry, it could’ve easily been Harry. Though it means he would die at the end.. so I’m glad Season 3 had HR Wells instead sorry not sorry.

The relationship between Julian Albert and Barry was so fun to watch. Which reminds me, LOVED Eobard’s appearance as Matt Letscher in 3x01. I have no idea why they continue to use Wells’ face like bruh. Your pretending as Wells is over so like why. GIMME MORE MATT!EOBARD.

I loved Frost???

Season 4 was also great.

I’d say more quality than season 3 because it was their first time against a big bad that WASN’T a speedster yet posed a more than adequate challenge to the team. The plot was nice and unique (I really loved Hazard!). I’ll say that DEVOE was kinda showing some red flags before becoming the Thinker in his relationship with Marlize, like he seemed kinda overly possessive of her. Glad that she switched to helping Team Flash after seeing what her husband had become. Loved her “Thinker’s first victim” line.

I felt like they started focusing on Cecile too much? Her role was vital to the plot at the end with helping Barry hop into Devoe’s mind to retrieve Ralph. And speaking of Ralph, I was neutral towards the character at first, but he grew on me. Also why fire him for sometning he did like 10yrs ago. That made no sense. I’d rather Ralph than more Cecile or Allegra.

LOVED ALL THE BANTER BETWEEN HARRY AND CISCO. And FROST FROST FROST!!! I liked her S4 outfit. I also think Barry’s supersuit was the best in this season.

One of my favourite episodes was “Flashtime”. Awesome awesome filler episode.

Season 5 was also great.

Barry’s supersuit was trash tho imo. He just looks like a weird deformed strawberry.

Above average but not quite as good as S4. LOVED NORA WORKING WITH THAWNE then Barry finding out and tossing her into the pipeline cell lol. Just the betrayal, and then dumping her in the middle of a random street in the future. Loved all the father-daughter moments she had with Barry. Cool to see the writers creativity in “meta-tech”.

However Iris.. bro in 5x19 she has some issues bringing up the fact Barry NEEDED to go into the Speedforce TWICE. And then her telling Barry to his face that she didn’t care that Nora was working with Thawne. Like bro, he murdered your husband’s mother and caused sm problems. And you don’t care about that?? Good to see that Barry called her out in the end.

Imma complain about freaking Sherloque again. Why not Harry? Even after what happened to him in S4, I think he could’ve figured out that Nora is secretly working with Thawne. Like dude’s still smart af.

Nora getting erased from existence at the very end.. sad :( I miss S5 Nora

Season 6.

I feel like this is when everything started going downhill. I didn’t care for Mirror Monarch. The mirror!Iris storyline was interesting to see. Idk what happened the rest of the season. That’s how much I didn’t care for this season lol. I think the other half was about Ramsey and how he wanted to make everyone zombies. Man I HATED Sue Dearborn or however you spell her name. She just took up too much screentime. This is when it started feeling like “Iris & Friends” instead of “The Flash”.

Liked to see how Barry dealt with slowly losing his speed bc he was killing the speedforce lol. Liked how the Caitlin/Frost duo became separate people. It was cool. At least we got that lol.

I think this is when Allegra comes in. I honestly can’t stand her. Like the whole her and her sister trope? Why.

The one thing I did like was Barry’s artificial speedforce gave him speed thinking. Awesome episode to watch. EXCEPT NASH. WHY. His sacrifice is useless in the end because of the whole “Iris is Barry’s lightning rod” thing. Have nothing about a speedster’s lightning rods in the comics, just didn’t like how that was written into the show. It eventually got really annoying.

Season 7.

Where do I even begin. This is when Barry’s “children” became a thing, and then suddenly speedforce!Nora wanting to kill all of them? Like what??? Where did that come from? Dion’s storyline was interesting. The rest were just.. Meh. And the CGI was so cringe.

I loved Abra Kadabra??? Why they gotta kill him off in one episode.

Does Chillblaine start coming in this season? I dislike him in general.

Season 8.

THIS IS WHEN BARRY’S ACTUAL CHILDREN COME BACK.

Now with Nora getting erased in S5, I really would’ve preferred if they gave us Tornado Twins instead. Like you can even use the same actors, but I honestly don’t really like the new Nora. I did like seeing her interaction between her and her family.

Also. Bart. I. Have. Major. Problems. I LOVE Bart but he is supposed to be Barry’s GRANDSON. Give us Don Allen instead. I did like the episode where they messed up the timeline, went back to 2013 and then accidentally reset Jay into the timeline. Also loved the episode with the whole Barry and the gamma radiation making him age hella fast. Bro was basically a zombie at the end and still overloaded the machine with the speedforce.

The. Stupid. Power Rangers godspeed arc was shit and them being Bart’s Thawne-like arch nemesis. Like boy, don’t compare Thawne with your godspeed problems. Don’t even start. Also what is with the “Negative Forces” and “Positive Forces” Power Rangers thing and then Iris’ time sickness? At this point, The Flash just started to feel like a soap opera.

I liked Chester even though he was a “replacement” for Cisco. He was unique. But the whole Allegra/Chester budding relationship where did that come from?? It just seemed very cringe and didn’t do much for the plot besides drama I guess. Khione was meh. Like just give us Caitlin with Frost in some way. I don’t care about Khione and her arc. Pls give us more Barry and not so much Cecile and Allegra.

Season 9

The show should just be renamed “Power Rangers: Iris & Friends” at this point. They made an entire episode without Barry?? Like if I pick up a Flash comic book, I expect it to be about THE FLASH. Not his random friends. Like yes, his friends can make appearances but don’t give me a whole dang episode without Barry THE MAIN CHARACTER. Also how the hell did Cecile become that OP, where is the character development.

Idk where Chillblaine comes in but I just don’t like him, not to mention that I don’t like the relationship between him and Frost. Like what.

Eddie’s Cobalt Blue arc and Red Death arc could’ve been done WAY better. I didn’t see any plot relevance in any way. It was written so poorly. Red Death was just like evil speedster!Batman or something. Please don’t bring our beloved Eddie back if you gonna write him all just jealous of Barry and him somehow becoming the new avatar of the Negative Speedforce. And what does Batwoman have anything to do with this (I believe she appears in the finale villains arc)l

There is legit only one episode I like in S9. The one that comes “full circle”. The one where Barry gets stuck in 2000, gets to chill with his parents for one day, and then comes full circle with Matt!Eobard killing Nora. SEASON 1 QUALITY. They even use the same bg music which awwww. And the “If I can spend one more day with my parents, then what would I say to them?” Line? Chef’s kiss.

Did not like the finale. His final run speech was okay about sharing his gift. Definitely would’ve preferred if Barry became the lightning bolt that struck him in S1 like in the comics.

Idk which episodes: Loved all the Amunet & Frost storyline, and then Goldface time to time appearances. Especially “Officer Chemist” lol.

[bettyfrommars]

omg bettty!! can i play 💖

S5, @, 🖤

Maisie my darling!!! I was hoping you would...

your Person is Biker Steve

your Place is a Swimming Pool

your Thing is a Photograph

word count: 584

18+ONLY, hints at depression and a bit of angst I guess? Gender Neutral reader. I'm so in love with him, he makes me want to crawl out of my skin babes.

"I've been looking everywhere for you," his voice was harsher than he intended as Steve crawled through the hole in the metal fence that night at the long-abandoned city pool. The water had been drained years ago, and was now filled with graffiti, frequented by skateboarders and often teens guzzling MD 20/20.

But right then, it was just you, sitting on the ledge, legs dangling into the open abyss. Just you, the night birds, and a few mosquitos dead set on feasting on your plasma like little bug ghouls.

"Did you hear me?"

"Yeah, I heard you. Why are you shouting?"

"Because I miss you," he closed the distance, shoving hands in the front pockets of his jeans, sunglasses pushed up into his hair.

You'd heard his motorcycle rumble by several times in the past hour, and wondered how long it would take him to pinpoint your location. With his stubborn tenacity, you knew he'd always find you eventually, no matter where in the world you went.

"I don't feel like talking right now," you mumbled, tucking your chin.

"That's okay," he dropped down onto the porcelain ledge beside you, bracing his hands on either side of his hips as if he were about to jump down into the concrete cavern. "I'll just stay here and protect you, in silence."

"I don't need---" you were about to protest the offered protection, but then his hand was on your thigh, giving it a gentle squeeze.

"Shhh, I know, alright?" He wet his lips, watching your mouth, craving a kiss, but sensing it was the wrong time. "Just let me....be here with you."

He laced his fingers behind his head and lay back on the concrete with a sigh, as if it were a mattress, ready to stay there all night if he had to.

"I see the big dipper," he chimed. You had to stifle a laugh, being that you knew he couldn't stay silent for more than a few seconds.

The sky was clear that night, the stars plentiful and bright. Eventually, you gave in, shifting back to lay with him.

"Here," he shifted up with a grunt to take his Coffin Kings leather off to offer it to you as a pillow, and you accepted. He made a move as if to put an arm around you, but then awkwardly shifted it away, sliding his hands behind his head again.

Adjusting yourself, you heard something crunch, like paper, and twisted to see there was something white sticking out of the pocket of his vest, poking into your jaw, just under his "TAZ" insignia.

"What's this?" You asked as you pulled it out, settling back to unfold it above you so it blocked your view of the sky.

"It's a photo," he cleared his throat. "Of you."

"Of me?" You asked softly, grinning when you realized it was, indeed, a photograph he'd taken of you a while back. You hadn't expected him to have a disposable camera in his hands that day when he shouted for you to turn and look at him, so your expression was a mix of distraction and shock.

You lowered the photograph to your chest and turned to look at him, but his gaze was fixed on the sky.

"I keep it next to my heart."

[doubledyke]

One thing I dislike in season 5 is how the characters are often dumbed down just to fit, for the plot sake. The kids, in particular, seem to reach a point where Eddy can literally come up with any lie or scam (the forever-summer scam, the mole mutants, the booster shot day, the egghead Ed, a new kid Carl) and the kids will immediately buy completely without a question (even Kevin of all people). In earlier seasons, as gullible as the kids could be, they still kept a skepticism degree and were quicker to recognize something as a poorly manufactured scam (at least some of them).

So, of course, all the characters sound so out-of-character in season 5 (except maybe the Kankers)...

yeah i agree to some extent. i'm always hesitant to criticize s5 cuz like, who tf am i? i don't know much about the behind the scenes, etc., etc.. but i agree that it is very different in a lot of ways that stand out. if you view the differences in characterization as intentional, it's kind of interesting.

eddy is absolutely off the rails and is at his most volatile in s5. even his laugh is more villainous lmao. i liked kevin lordi's comment that he seems depressed as hell later on in the series. makes sense to me, i mean we see how he struggles in school, and how he gets treated there. you can't just leave when things get bad, either. i gotta say, i feel like they ramped up the eddy torture p*rn in s5. i might be biased though.

edd is also utterly unhinged. viewing the gradual changes in him as intentional (aka me over analyzing), i see that he's reached PEAK neuroticism. the guy is about to snap and eventually does in bps. frankly, i find him unbearable but it's all character growth in my mind. school is a source of stress for him as well, but for different reasons. also, he and eddy are a lot nastier to each other in this season.

with ed, i'm not really sure what angle to come at it from. if i stick by what i said before, then his over the top oafishness is likely a result of hardcore dissociating. maybe he ALSO really hates school and so his brain just shuts down. literally. you could also theorize that he took one too many bumps on the head (just kidding).

realistically though i think he's the easiest source of comedic relief for what is, after all, a kids' show. perhaps it became a bit of a crutch while they created some really great character driven episodes.

like fistful of ed, too smart for his own ed, cleanliness is next to edness, and, pick an ed. lots of edd focused episodes in s5.

to your specific point, i guess i see what you mean. but i've always wondered why the kids would fall for anything eddy does after like s2 lmao. s5 isn't the first time we learn that the cul-de-sac kids aren't very bright. they do all have moments of skepticism, and yes, especially kevin. in see no ed, he's shown to be borderline paranoid about the eds which is goddamn hilarious to me. but most of the time they'll all be skeptical at first, yet still end up taking the bait and acting shocked.

(by the way: kevin deserved sooooo much worse than what happened in this won't hurt an ed - which was ultimately nothing. eddy ended up being the one getting hurt at the end of the episode.

kevin is ruthless and flat out cruel to eddy. he's the definition of a bully. he's shown to be pretty normal toward everyone else in the neighborhood, including ed and edd when they interact one on one. with eddy, he has this abnormal and unhealthy hatred for the kid. it's really funny.)

in pick an ed, edd says its obvious that 'carl' is just eddy in disguise. eddy looks worried until ed falls for it. to me that implies that eddy thinks the kids are dumb as a bag of hammers. and he was right!

my thing with eddy is, don't hate the player, hate the game. it's hard for me to feel bad for someone who gets "scammed" or pranked over and over. if kevin wanted to, he could be the hero of the cul-de-sac and put an end to the scams by simply sharing his over-abundance of jawbreakers with the eds. but he's a dick, so he doesn't. the kids are also to blame not just for being such easy marks, but for never leaving jawbreakers for the eds when kevin shares with them. eddy's biggest mistake was waiting around long enough after getting paid for them to catch on.

summary: i used to also view s5 as a "dip in quality" until i saw a post where someone argued that the changes could and should be viewed as character growth/development over flanderization. both things can be true! and there are plenty of REALLY good, fun episodes and moments in the season.

[castlebyersafterdark]

do you know any blogs that are into platonic madwheeler? i just found a clip in s4 of them whispering together that i had never seen before and wondered if anyone had seen it or wanted to discuss! i think the reveal of mike's story in s5 might have some max involved somehow, perhaps a hospital visit or even his memories of their fraught relationship that develops into a mutual understanding because theyre both depressed at the start of s4.

I actually don't know any! I really like them as good friends, but I either see it mentioned as a romance angle or complaints about liking it since they don't interact much. Which I think is silly - clearly they are friends? I love how when you pull away the snark and sarcasm, Max just wanted to be friends with Mike. The scene with the skateboard in the gym in season 2 when Max is skating around and Mike starts genuinely smiling - that's one of my favorite parts of the entire series. It shows them both so perfectly!!

We don't have to see everything perfectly spelled out on screen. It's like jokes about how little we see Will and Dustin interact in the actual show. Sure, we want more of that and sure this much is true with minimal screen time together - but that doesn't mean in the "reality" of the show's internal world, that they don't interact. They're all friends and they'd all be together a lot, using the implications by means of imagination. So - Mike and Max. Great duo. Love them! Wish I knew of anyone you can vibe with, but that has never been a focal point I can recall well. I'm only following a really small number these days and do a lot of blog and tag jumping.

But ooooh I would love some nod in season 5. Mike talking to Max bedside while she's unconscious would be cool. Maybe guilt for being involved in bringing her into the danger of their lives. Maybe a confessional for some hard truths. He wants to tell a friend whatever it is he's been going through but he can't tell anyone else who could actively judge. Maybe him upping his loyal leader arc, bedside vowing they'll save her, even after all that time. There's a lot they can do. Will they? It would be nice, but part of me feels all the storyline with Max is going to be with others, but who knows!!

[crit20art]

OC lore drop

An overview of my OCs and the settings they belong to! The settings range from “fully-outlined/partially drafted novels that i genuinely intend to write one day” to “loose string of scenarios to put my guys in.” 

Casey and Vincent

(she/her, he/him)

Premise: Casey lives in the middle of nowhere Texas with an elderly woman (Margie) for whom she’s a live-in caretaker. Vincent shows up on her doorstep with a shovel in hand, asking if he can dig up something of his that’s buried on Margie’s land. Casey tells him no, and don’t come back. A few days later, while visiting a neighbor, Casey is attacked by monsters. They tear the neighbor to shreds and almost get Casey, but Vincent comes out of nowhere and distracts them while she runs for home. When she gets there, she realizes that the monsters can’t seem to cross the property line. Vincent gets badly injured, but Casey drags him to safety. 

They are then stuck indefinitely on this square acre of land, unable to leave lest they get torn to shreds by the many-toothed creatures prowling the invisible barrier. Casey nurses Vincent back to health and in doing so realizes that he is definitely something Other Than Human. She also learns that he’s really weird, but really sweet, but mostly really weird. He starts to dig up the land but still won’t tell her what he’s looking for. 

genre is romance and soft horror, very similar vibes to my tma fic "resigned" if you’ve read that. Vincent and Casey’s dynamic is p much "it's not body horror, not to me, not if it's you."

Max and Braiden

(both he/him)

These two are from a story that was basically my highschool big brain take on "what if superpowers happened in the real world but people who had them got EXPERIMENTED ON??" That’s still the setting but the plot has taken a sharp turn into classic American road trip. Max has the power to generate, manipulate, and breathe various gasses, and Braiden can make copies of himself. 

The basic premise is that, while escaping the facility where he’s been trapped for a number of years, Braiden meets Max for the first time. Max already knows him, however, and is in fact madly in love with him. It turns out that Max was in a relationship with one of Braiden’s copies who was recently killed, and meeting the Original(™) Braiden is the first time he finds out that there’s more than one of him. Cue lots of questions about nature/nurture, what makes a person inherently themself, and Star Trek style philosophical ponderings on the personhood of clones. All of this happens in a ragtop convertible against a backdrop of late summer highway.

(if braiden reminds you of my martin design, no he doesn’t <3 (actually he does because he is a character i put a lot of my own struggles with depression into, and his personality is adjacent to martin’s s5 I’m A Huge Bitch Because I Have Boundaries Now vibe, so martin ended up reminding me of him and i committed IP theft on myself about it))

Fantasy / DnD OCs

I’m bad at fantasy worldbuilding so i just kinda toss all of these guys into scenarios in my head and mix them like salad. I’m trying to put together something with a cowboy/western kind of energy but i haven’t gotten far <3

I have a group of OCs from a scrapped fantasy setting who I’ll add to this when I have more recent sketches for all of them. (If you’re wondering where the lesbians are. They are here. I’m sorry I don’t have more drawings of you on hand, lesbians)

More dnd OCs can be found just in my dnd tag but here are the honorable mentions:

August

(he/him)

Half-elf bard. He has been the icon on my personal blog for years and, in retrospect, playing him was absolutely my first step towards questioning my gender. He has 18 intelligence and 10 wisdom. He once hooked up with an NPC and scored a 24 on his performance check. He even has a meme. Party on, king

Aurelian

(he/him)

(2nd image is before i gave him horns. ft. fiancé Pesh, they/them)

Aurelian is a pirate. He’s an outlaw. He’s a horse girl. He’s been looking for his mysteriously vanished fiancé long enough that he has trouble picturing their face. He exists because I heard Chasing Twisters by Delta Rae and had to make a dnd character about it.

Vasha

(she/her)

Angsty wild magic sorcerer who started as a hostile NPC when i DMed for some friends. Took on a life of her own and ended up in lesbians with the party’s orc fighter. Since that campaign ended I am trying to find her a gf like Mrs. Bennet matchmaking for her five daughters

[gardenerian]

Mel I am wondering when you think Ian told Mickey about Monica. When Ian had his first low episode, Mickey didn't seem to know what bipolar was or that Monica had it. Fiona said it. And then at the beginning of season 5 they both seemed to be avoiding the whole conversation about Ian being sick at all. And then Ian was hospitalized and then arrested and then Monica came back and then they broke up and then Mickey was arrested. I don't know. When do you think they finally had the time to discuss Monica? Ian's connection to her? How he insists he's not like her? Thanksgiving? I don't know. Just having Monica thoughts today.

how could you do this. you KNOW this is one of my favorite things to discuss 😭 and now i have no choice but to delay my ironing to take this way too far and Upset Myself.... but in a way that i thoroughly enjoy???? come on, chrissy. just gotta - *trips over self to start talking* - ugh. anyways. buckle the FUCK UP.

you're right - the timing never really allowed for any real conversation about her. mickey probably asked after ian came to find him in 1x09 - but it was likely surface level and i doubt there was much actual discussion before the Freezer Bang.

"the fuck was that about, gallagher?"/"psycho mom is back."/"fuck."/"yeah." [fumbling for pants ensues]

maybe mickey heard whispers about monica around the neighborhood, just like anyone had heard them about terry. and ian was still so resentful of her in s1/s2. if they talked about anything to do with monica, it probably wasn't her illness. maybe an offhand comment as they got more comfortable with each other in s2/s3. bonding over shitty parents - but not a lot of detail, i wouldn't think. there just wasn't time!

i don't think he talked about her at all in s4/s5. not to anyone. he was too sick and probably too deluded about his time with her. it had to confusing - to be so defensive of her, to want to connect with her, but also to still resent her and feel so viscerally offended at being compared to her? not to mention all the drugs and sexual trauma that resulted from being with her..... while suffering through vast changes and mood swings on top of that? impossible to sort through.

and part of s6 (i think) was internalizing it all. he's so fucking depressed in that season. remind me to go off on that another time. i don't think they would have really talked about her in the s7b arc, either - he probably wanted to talk about his job and laugh and fuck and soak up that time with mickey in the sun.

and then s8. i cannot speak of it askjfh he had nO ONE TO TALK TO ABOUT HER AND I KNOW MICKEY WOULD HAVE LISTENED I AM SICK ABOUT IT.

so i really think their first real conversation about her must have been in prison. isn't that wild? mickey probably picked up clues over the course of their relationship, and he definitely learned about bipolar disorder. but as much as we like to think that ian is chatty and emotional and soft.......... he's a closed book about certain things. and monica + their illness is absolutely part of that. so mickey hearing about monica FROM IAN probably took all these years. not for ian to trust him or anything - but i think. just time for ian to find the vocabulary. and the time. and just to be able to talk about it without so much pain.

so it probably starts with ian talking about what happened, everything that led to the van. losing her and losing mickey, feeling lost. mourning her alone. getting sick and losing control without seeing it again. feeling powerful and special until suddenly it was all over.

i think he probably wanted to be truly heard, finally, by someone that loves him. the siblings tried (mostly), but their own experiences with her clouded it over. which makes sense! but i think as they settled in, and as they told each other the stories that made their time apart, monica finally came into play.

how hard it was to lose such a complicated figure..... how he was the only one (save for carl, who was away at school) that didn't have a last happy moment with her. how his last moments with her were so hurtful and angry. but how he saw her and she saw him. she loved him, she made him feel special, even if she never came through for him. and he'll never see her smile again - and how, despite the pain she caused, he probably always thought he'd see it again.

at first, i think it was about mourning and connecting. letting it all out. they trade their horror stories about mexico, the cartel, the shelter and church, gay jesus..... the recent past, ya know? but then i think that the routine will get to him.

it's good, the structure. wake up, meds, work, downtime, meals, lights out. but i also think that the monotony would get to him before too long. the agitation as he is still recovering from a major episode. so i think that's when he'll start to get frustrated.

because he always said he wasn't like her, right? it drives him in many ways. to avoid putting himself and his family through that pain. but look where he is - he didn't flee, like she might have. he didn't drag his family into the legal battles, either. he's doing his time and trying to make it right.

but with the boredom and frustration and stagnation.... he's gotta wonder how much better he's doing. god. how SLOW recovery feels when the progress is not so visible, and when you have so much more to build up. he lost his job. and i think he'd talk about her more here. how he feared this. how scared he is that this is it. or how his family must be feeling about him now. her stealing from them, leaving them behind, putting them in danger. traumatizing her children on thanksgiving because she could never just get help and stick with it. it'll scare them both, talking about that day. but he's never really had the chance before - life just kept happening.

and this is where mickey kinda gets the earlier picture, i think. the things that were happening in s1/s2 come out. things he'd heard about in passing and pieced together. only now more directly from ian, finally. and his final break in s5 would probably come up here, too. particularly taking yev and ending things with mickey.

this is what they'll work on together. probably always, but starting while they're together all the time in prison. ian's fears of becoming unreliable, unworthy, and irredeemable. mickey's fears of never being able to keep him safe and close, of never being free together again. they'll heal over time together, always working at it.

now - the s4/s5 era. i think that's harder. i still don't think he's talking about all that yet. still vague mentions of being with her, of random memories that might pop up. but this era - the club, the men, the drugs, the uncontrolled mania, the crash. this is more intensive. i'm thinking this is a longer process. i'm not sure what the catalyst is. i'd hoped storylines like 11x03 and HOS might spark it.... in an ideal world, if i were in charge, it would be around here. and your fic, too, with tami and ian working through things together. feeling steady and stable, at last, in a way that allows him to talk about it and heal.

he and mickey have SO MUCH trauma. maybe after frank passes, they have a bit of a wakeup call. life is happening! here it is! to give themselves their best chance, they gotta do some work. so........ hopefully they'll keep talking about her. and not just the hurt! i like to think that mickey will give ian the space to remember her laugh, and the way her fingers felt in his hair. his mom. maybe they'll bring her flowers now and then.

and mickey will know her and ian will remember her, and she won't be such a ghost. she'll just be a fact of his life. someone to learn from, even now. i think ian will always be a little sad for her, but i think the gallaghers will all let go of their rage in time. frank and monica were who they were, and they gave the gallaghers each other. that's huge. ian will always work to live the life his mother never could, and he'll always have mickey there to tell him how well he's doing 🥺

i'm fine, why do you ask????

[icy-watch]

Look at Mozhi, getting Wukong alone in some grey place, wearing his clothes, the scarf, the fillet. I LOVE MOZHIIIIIIIII-!!! HOLY- LOOK AT THAT BANGER SCENE ICY. Like, when I first heard the Classic Hero Speech from Wukong, this guy is always just BARELY HANGING ONTO THE NARRATIVE. He doesn't do this. He cannot escape the curse of fictional mentors. He has a deep profound sadness within him AND IT GETS CALLED OUT. You're a secretly depressed monkey. the pure mockery Mozhi throws at him!! for trying to be like one of them!! the AUDACITY to be twirling around the fillet!! the punctuated emphasis and hardness to Wukong's words, no WONDER Mozhi didn't think Wukong believed himself, like ellooooo I relate to that so hard aha, the motivational speech when you're losing it yourself on the inside. but the fact that he tries, THE FACT THAT HE TALKS ABOUT THE PAST THIS IS SO EVIL OF THEM UGHHH. some of it is kinda cheesy too, like by the book comfort, but the fact these words are coming from THIS GUY and voice acted LIKE THAT *shakes screen* AND THEN WHEN HIS OLD COMPANIONS COME ON SCREEN DEVASTATING!!! AND HE GLOWS "I won't let some curse bully me or my friends a second longer." HE CALLED THEM HIS FRIENDS. also don't think we didn't notice the deflection there bud. some honesty and heart here tho! Do you think Mozhi is foreshadowing S5? that MK goes whackamonkey on us and he needs to get sealed/fillet by his friends for his own/the world's good? because it sure could be! the foreshadowing is strong whenever these shenanigans are on screen + if you remember Shadow Play haha, a certain future-hearing monkey painted this exact scene with MK rising in his monkey form. Which I think he did in the pilot too. so it would be "the past" this is the present. and then there's the "future" where this also happens. dang, got all 3 sets of ears covered for this happening! "Then prove us wrong." hehe, "us" being Mozhi and MK. Prove to yourself that what you deny about yourself is true. This power, won't bring chaos. You can use it to save people? Do it. ALSO NOTE: If you remember Minor Scale. There's this quick whisper of "no wait, stop. what are you doing." when MK goes to destroy the Trigram Furnace. Its...his inner voice, but MK has always had trippy whispers and instinct. Perhaps actually...its Mozhi? The curse really is just MK's inner voice given form.

Hmmmm

[luthordamnvers]

20 questions game

Thank you @fazedlight for the tag!!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

Currently 10.

2. What’s your total AO3 words count?

196,109 words out at this very moment.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Supergirl. Most notably Supercorp. I've written Dansen, and there is a Rojarias WIP somewhere.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

As you wish (Medieval AU) I don't like that falling feels like flying 'til the bone crush (Post S6, except Kara had an ex-girlfriend) A Battlefield Proposal (takes place in 619) Feeling the weight of the sun (Here we come, blue and green) (DEBS AU) Instead of hate, please pass the scones (S5 fic)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes, I try my best to reply to all! Sometimes it takes me a while because I save them for depression hours. The only fic I have not replied to all the comments is "A Battlefield Proposal" and that's because people be asking about a sequel, and Idk how to respond to that...

6. What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I don't know her.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

All my fics have happy endings, it's a necessity.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not so far. I've been very lucky in that sense.

9. Do you write smut? If so what kind?

I- tried? Like There are 2 fics when there is smut. Is it good? idk. I know it's that writing smut is FREAKING HARD, and I tip my hat to every smut writer out there.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Not really? At most I wrote Donna Troy (Wonder Girl) from Titans in a fic. But it was a glorified cameo, for my nefarious purposes. Have I even watched Titans? No. But I needed the vibe.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I'm aware of.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No, as far as I know.

13. Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

Not yet. But I do plan on bamboozling someone into writing an AU with me, just because they know a lot about the topic.

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship?

Listen, I wracked my brain thinking about this. But Supercorp got me back into writing after over a decade. I'm still living with the brainrot, the others ships have faded after a few months. Close second is Korrasami, tho.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

I started drafting a fic where Kal confronts Kara for revealing her identity, and how it puts his identity in danger. And how he doesn't trust Lena, and Kara goes bananas because of it. But I don't think I will finish that version of the fic. Maybe another iteration, tho.

16. What are your writing strengths?

No idea, dialogue? Connecting plot? Outlining?

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Actually writing.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

English is my another language. So I do that constantly. If have to write any other language, I'll try to ask someone who's a native speaker, after going through a translator.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

...Dramione.

20. Favourite fic you’ve ever written?

As you wish I had SO much fun writing it. And It was a short fic, so I didn't have to wreck my head thinking too much about it. Then, DEBS AU which was the polar opposite. It was long, and I fried my brain trying to translate the movie (one of my favorites) to a story that made sense for the characters, and still felt fresh but still with the essence of both the movie and the show.

Tags, but no pressure: @awaitingrain @hrwinter @innamorament0 @helpbutton95 @nottawriter

[doctorguilty]

Cartoons rant

Wondering when we'll find out who the main writers are for f&c s2 because I desperately want that one person off responsible for all the worst episodes including the fuckshit with degenerating betty into like a meek subjugated woman and being like simon is a bad person because of autism also here's half of the climax screen time wasted on simon being guilt tripped and then apologizing for being autistic. I still can't tolerate looking in the tags for that show because the fans who did not watch any og AT or at least past s5 have no concept of how bad all that was and never stop posting think pieces about how "petrigrof shippers" are in denial when like. That isn't a "ship" that is literally an enormous plot point in the entire body of AT lore you CAN'T separate it without taking away meaningful things about almost like every other beloved character, why is it considered cringe to like, think a story about tragic romance is meaningful, how is "their relationship had problems all along" a better conclusion to the entire thing that like, almost destroyed the entire world in the AT finale, and then saved it, and betty did all that btw ??? Sorry I'm not over it like what's next, in s2 pb and marceline break up because they realize they're not gay after all and never were, like that's the level of stupid the whole way simon and betty were handled

AND on a personal level it just sucks so bad to have this whole incredible story that revolves around a suicidally depressed man grappling with the responsibility of other lives being connected to him and goes on this like journey showing that every alternate world where he doesn't exist is significantly worse off and his like difficult acceptance of his own worth grows alongside his new friend's acceptance of the worth of her own world and how selfish it was of her to not only want to take it from her loved ones but allow a new friend she quickly came to love throw himself away for her, witnessing how magic is a destructive force across universes and even when she had it, it came at the cost of someone else's destruction (and that someone else being the same person trying to destroy himself again!!), cause it was so like wow this is such a powerful story about the value of the life you're give and no matter how worthless you think your life is the impact you have is greater than you could ever imagine, and that's why you need to live and cherish what you have. Only for it to climax at like. A weird drag about selfishness in rationships like wha????????? And like blaming Simon for being cursed like as though it was a choice he made like if he was just less selfish (autistic) none of that would have happened but that's literally nowhere in the lore like huh??????? I never bring myself to rewatch any of the episodes after Jerry cause it's just too frustrating and that's where it takes a nosedive

[lycanlovingvampyre]

MAG 176 Relisten

Activity on my first listen: cutting the French tamarisk in my garden.

Ah yes, this is the finale of act I. So without Covid, the finale would have been MAG 180, with the cliffhanger of meeting Salesa in the Eyepocalypse bubble aka Upton safehouse period. Since RQ produced a trailer for act III of S5, I wonder if there would have been a trailer for the originally planned act II of MAG 181 till 200. (Since this has never been the case for any of the season hiatus I doubt it would have been done on the originally planned schedule, and perhaps the second hiatus during S5 gave them a bit more time to produce an additional scene - I can imagine that production got a bit more efficient once everyone settled in a bit into this new process) - Okay, this got very off-topic now ^^'

MARTIN: "You’re dragging your feet. What’s up? (beat) What aren’t you telling me?" JON: "Martin, please. I’m trying to find our way to Basira." MARTIN: ( :) ) "Talk to me, Jon." JON: (is not fine) "I’m fine." This is so very Jon. High-stress situations always got the better of his nerves. And he's always considering what's the best way to keep others safe while also reaching his goal, adding only to his stress.

JON: "I don’t like betraying someone’s trust like this." MARTIN: (gentle) "It’s not a betrayal if you’re doing it to help." JON: (rueful half-laugh) "I’m not so sure." After Martin feels Jon didn't tell him enough about the situation although Jon just tried to help: "I feel like my trust was betrayed!" xD (Ok, not exactly like this bu briefly, after Basira worked it as Martin = bait in MAG 177, he’s a bit shocked that it went down without him knowing what was happening.) They're in such a difficult situation and I feel like Martin still has so much of the Lonely hanging over him if we're going by Lonely = depression. The irritability is very typical. Additionally it's very hard for him to understand what's it like for Jon. This knowing everything is not something easy to comprehend.

MARTIN: "Look, if it was me in her shoes, I’m sure I’d forgive you. It-It’s for the best!" At least I feel like this is something Martin always understood. People make mistakes.

JON: "…Have you ever had your friends turn on you? People you thought you could count on?" Mirroring what they're going through, or what sort of impression Jon wants to avoid giving Basira and Martin.

MARTIN: "I think we’re being followed." JON: (no hesitation) "We are." MARTIN: "Oh. ‘Kay. That’s not actually what I wanted to hear." JON: "I know, that’s why I didn’t mention it before." There, constantly considering how to protect others.

JON: "It’s tricky. She’s – (inhale) She’s had a bad time." MARTIN: (slight scoff) "I mean – haven’t we all?" JON: "No. No, we haven’t." [SLIGHT PAUSE, AND THEN:] MARTIN: "Right." The occasional privilege check for Martin xD

"But that is not important, not really." NOT REALLY!!!

"Not the driving, pounding need behind the hunt, what spurs pursuit of tooth and claw is not some calmly made assessment or judgement on the weight of the hunted’s sin." Hahaaha, the way Jonny's voice goes up at "of the hunted's sin" xD That is something he does actually quite often and I can't unhear it (just like the "not really". Examples of the intonation thing, that immediately come to mind are the promo for We're Alive; Descendants, something about "genre fans in general" or in the Magnus Protocol trailer "Office of Incident Assessment and Response".) And I have this need to immediately imitate stuff like this, words, accents, intonation...  I'm always a bit afraid people think I'm mocking them, but I actually do this because I like it ^^' (So in general I can it when I’m with people I don’t know that well.)

JON: (overlapping) "Hold up. Sh." [BUT MARTIN HAS REACHED HIS LIMIT:] MARTIN: "Wh– no! No, Jon; you just did a statement; I don’t care if you want another one, we’ve gotta move –" JON: (cutting him off) "Martin." [MARTIN STOPS.] How Martin immediately stops, knowing that this is serious now. I already said in MAG 174 their dynamic is written in a way that they know when to react in what way (except for jokes, of course, again).

JON: "Right. Martin, do you trust me?" MARTIN: "What? Ah, Christ, this can’t be good. Yes?" JON: "Then it’s very – listen, (movement) – look at me. The next couple of minutes are going to be quite unpleasant for one of us, and I’m sorry." MARTIN: "Uh – (sounds of incomprehension) Sorry, what?" JON: "You need to remain very calm, and don’t make any sudden movements." I know, this is supposed to be super serious, but I can't help to find it sweet. Jon asking for Martin's trust and Martin (after a bit of "oh shit" moment) immediately saying "yes". Jon doesn't seem to be aware of his surroundings when he does a statement (otherwise Martin wouldn't have such trouble snapping him out of it), so he probably saw Trevor too late and now there's no time for big explanations.

TREVOR: "It’s not okay. Stop fucking smiling!" I mean, we already had "(best customer service voice) Mhm." of Jon and his tone in general sounds very relaxed, but I love these moments when we get even more information of what's going on, since we're only having audio and not audio and visual like in a movie or TV show... Or theater, even! Jon's super smug because he knows Basira is already on her way to them and needs Martin to stay calm, so Basira can take the shot.

MARTIN: "(voice shaking, trying to sound unaffected) "Jon? I know you keep saying we’re safe, and I am feeling very calm, but just so I know – Can he – Can he kill me?" JON: "He could, yes." MARTIN: "Right." JON: "If he were still a Hunter." Oh god, I've waited so long to finally unpack this! There is more to this "who can actually kill" in the Eyepocalypse and this was very clearly established in MAG 113. Dekker said: "As you know, I am not by any means a Hunter, and if Justin Gough was as far gone as he appeared, it was likely he was no longer human enough for me to remove him without the aid of one." Once someone has crossed the literal/metaphorical death into full-avatarhood threshold, they can't be killed in a simple manner anymore. But Hunters actually have the power to end beings of the Fears. There have been other instanced of Hunters being actually able to kill monsters, Trevor Herbert is a textbook example, but also other instances, for example how the police deals with vampires. Daisy said in MAG 61 "There are a few others around who do it, but I take care of a dozen or so precincts. I cuff the suspect’s hands and legs, drive them out into the middle of Epping Forest, and burn them to ashes." Only a few of them are able to do that, only those "infected" by the Hunt. Prey needs to be aware, that there are actual consequences to them being hunted and caught, otherwise, why run when there are no stakes?

That entire conversation with Trevor is just stalling. Jon needs Basira to get into position and take aim. (But also for us audience, setting the scene and so on.)

JON: "I’m sorry I’ve reduced you lower even than prey." MARTIN: "Jon?…" TREVOR: "No." JON: "To bait." MARTIN: "(breathing faster) Don’t –" [GUNSHOT.] Theater kid Jon xD Needing that dramatic build-up! Hm, come to think of it, maybe he also just enjoyed Trevor's fear and therefore toyed with his feelings.

MARTIN: (with some effort) "Can I at least put my hands down? M-M,My arms are kinda getting tired." Martin is so funny xD

BASIRA: "Prove you’re really Martin Blackwood." MARTIN: "How?" JON: (picture of innocence) "You could do a poem." BASIRA: "Shut up." MARTIN: (hissing) "Jon, this is serious!" God, I love smug Jon and Martin trying to berate him that it's not the time to be smug.

JON: "I mean – (holding back laugh, badly) I can know literally anything, so – ask away I guess." BASIRA: "You understand how unhelpful that is for proving identities." JON: (audible grin) "I’m sorry to be an inconvenience." BASIRA: "Well, you better think of something, or…" [SHE WAGGLES THE GUN.] More smug Jon xD I love it so much xD

BASIRA: "I told you before not to look into my head." JON: (smug) "So you do believe it’s me, then." [BRIEF PAUSE.] BASIRA: "Know-it-all prick." That is actually the lowest point of audible smugness here. Basira is so super annoyed by him xD Just like old S4 times!

[WE HEAR HER PUT THE GUN AWAY.] MARTIN: "So – Can I – ?" BASIRA: "Yeah, put them down, Martin. It’s fine. You’re you." [MARTIN DOES SO, AND IN THE PROCESS LETS OUT A HUGE SIGH OF RELIEF. AND ANOTHER.] Martin being the anxious comedic relief again^^ Good old times indeed.

JON: "You’re sure?" BASIRA: "If you were monsters, that would mean I’d finally get to kill something with your smug face. No way am I that lucky." JON: "Can’t fault your logic." Basira again talking about killing Jon (she already did that in S4, what was her phrasing? "or I'll put you down"?). But now Jon's in a superior position, being demigod of this new world as well as being emotionally more stable since he has Martin.

@a-mag-a-day

[addictedtostorytelling]

hi! first of all, i love your stories :) and second, last year i started watching csi from beggining and i just finished season 7 and i wanted to ask if it's in my head or sara appeared less on the episodes? i liked s7 more than the previous ones, the cases were more interesting imo (apart from the first seasons) but like in half of the episodes i got the impression that she barely shows? anyway i'm already bummed that jorja's leaving haha she was always my favorite

hi, @lamprey-savage!

thank you for your kind words! i'm glad you love my stories. <3

as for your question:

though jorja fox was negotiating her contract throughout parts of s7's production, she was still technically under contract as a regular cast member for its full run. accordingly, sara does appear in every episode of s7 and generally has about as much screen time as she has had in previous seasons. while there are some episodes of s7 where she is noticeably sparse (such as episode 07x08 "happenstance," where she only appears in one scene near the end), these "low visibility" episodes generally balance out with episodes where she is a major focus character (such as episode 07x18 "empty eyes").

that said, the sense you're getting that you're not seeing as much of her in s7 as you have in previous seasons may be because she really doesn't have a "front and center" personal storyline for most of the season.

whereas previous seasons—like, say, s4, which contains her depression arc, or s5, which reveals and expounds her backstory—provided her with consistent, dynamic mainline development, in s7, much of what happens with her happens on a "between the lines" level.

jorja fox has talked before about how early s7 was essentially a "romcom" period for sara, so a lot of her scenes then were on the lighter, more comedic side, with her playing off of grissom.

however, as the season went on and grissom eventually left on his sabbatical (coincident to billy petersen taking a break from the show to take part in a rhode island stage production in real life), the focus with her eventually shifted—just not to a more prominent storyline.

as i talk about in this post, "there is a subtle storyline that plays out for gsr over the course of s7, which sees sara wondering if grissom views their relationship in the same way she does and if he feels as deeply for her as she does for him. she is insecure because while grissom most often demonstrates devotion to her, there are occasions when he behaves carelessly regarding her and/or their relationship; sometimes she can’t help but wonder just exactly how he feels, particularly as he seldom verbalizes his feelings to her."

they keyword in the above paragraph is subtle, because the thing is, for the most part, this storyline does not really get a lot of direct attention throughout the season. only a handful of episodes—such as episodes 07x11 "leaving las vegas" and 07x23 "the good, the bad, & the dominatrix"—really broach the subject of sara questioning how grissom feels about her/their relationship and his level of commitment to her directly. the rest of the time, her anxieties are much more subtly implied.

since sara feels she can't really talk about her insecurities with anyone (including grissom himself), exploration of what she's feeling is limited to how she's shown to react to him. there's not a lot of dialogue where she expresses her emotions outright; more just facial expressions and body language.

the storyline is there if you look for it, but you do have to squint a bit to see it, particularly as the miniature killer storyline so dominates the s7 landscape otherwise, and sara plays a central role in that investigation, meaning that nine times out of ten when you see her on screen, the focus will be on what she's doing in relation to the case rather than what may be going on with her personally and/or in her relationship.

so tl;dr? sara isn't actually scarce in s7 in terms of how much screen time she gets; her personal development just isn't really spotlighted in the same ways it might have been in previous seasons. there's never actually a point in s7 where the show comes out and says, "here's what's going on with her!" for the most part, her development is much more subtextual/sublimated.

thanks for the question! please feel welcome to send another any time.

and good luck with s8! it's a heartbreaker, especially as a sara fan.

[f0linasahl0]

you know i have too many thoughts but i can't seem to place them well enough to make a single post.

like i'm just thinking about (multi fandom thoughts god save me):

-dustin and steve's friendship and how genuine it is. same with robin and steve. idk i think steve is just a good guy when around good people.

-thinking about how dustin was wearing rings in a stranger things teaser im literally going to break down

-thinking about how tyler's singing voice changes through each album. like idk how to explain it other than that. it's just good

-thinking about how draco malfoy deserved more than what he got. he deserved a better family. a chance at being an actual kid rather than caring about his family's image

-thinking about spencer reid. just spencer reid. loml

-there's so many songs i'd be so excited to hear on the clancy world tour. so many songs i'd break down to. so many songs that if they skip it i'd actually be heartbroken.

-thinking about how penelope garcia held that fucking team together shut up. she was the glue that held the bau together argue with the wall.

-still thinking about how fucking broken tyler looked through the livestream experience. how clancy was a puppet for the bishops through SAI. imagine how horrifyingly humiliating that would be. a man who tried so hard to fight something like that just to be the poster boy for it.

-still wondering what jenna and debby's roles are. like sure that's not a big thing but i care about it i wanna know where they are in the lore. like even if it's not meant to be something big id like to know

-i think i ended up liking draco malfoy as much as i do is because looking past the little boy who's a bully, look at his family bro. he had no choice in what he could be. his character is more complex than initially thought

-harry potter, as much as he deserved to be, was so whiny some times 💀. ron is just whiny in the later books. like come on you think this kid who's gone through hell wants to keep going through hell for some money?? ronald come on calm your tits and talk to him. just that whole fight in goblet of fire could've been avoided if he just talked to his friend. like you fucking think he wanted that ronald?? calm down.

-there's a few characters that if they die in s5 of stranger things im literally going to break down. specifically dustin, steve, and robin. if they die--dude like absolutely not

-peter parker you deserve the entire world you deserve everything. all the peter parker's in the marvel cinematic universe and marvel comic universe. literally i--UGH

-there's a few twenty one pilots songs that while i listen to them i specifically remember the music video and i think that's really funny. to note, some of them are stressed out, lane boy, somewhat fairly local, house of gold, guns for hands, i just remember the livestream ones for shy away and choker, there's so many but like--there's parts that remind me of the mv

-i don't think i ever hated SAI i just distanced from twenty one pilots in 2021 (which honestly was the worst time for me to do so but here we are) and thinking i disliked SAI was better than turning away from the band that probably saved my life from further depression and instead turning to dumbass minecraft youtubers that ended up just being awful awful people. i hate that. i hate that i was so awestruck by these mcyts that i didn't think about how bad they could've been. SAI is a good album i just never got into it like i am now and that makes me feel so sad. i don't want to be one of those "oh you just came back because the lore said this album was...blah blah blah" like okay thanks for the words and shit i don't really care let me LIVE

.....

anyway those are some various thoughts. idk what else to put anymore so enjoy this thought dump i guess 🤷

this is what i mean by multifandom i like too many things 💀

[fratricideknight]

headcannons about sir lancelot (the best knight)?

also, what is your favorite lancelot moment from s4/s5 (bc the darkest hour pt. 2 didn't happen obviously)

i thought you'd never ask

headcanons about sir lancelot

uhhh quite sad but: i think he's depressed and has a lot of unresolved trauma. there's literally a motif in the soundtrack called 'Lancelot Leaves' - he never stays, even when he finds something good and has people who will fight for him. it probably has something to do with the way his entire village was destroyed and his family killed when he was young. he doesn't want to become too attached in case everything is taken away from him again, but he wears his heart on his sleeve and is incapable of repressing completely and shutting himself off from others, so fleeing is the only defence he has. knowing him, there's probably also a sense of survivor's guilt which has morphed into "it's my fault that they died; i couldn't protect them." the guy dedicated "every waking moment since that day" to the art of combat, which is of course a healthy response. he dreamed solely of becoming a knight of camelot and yet even when arthur was fighting for him to stay, he left. because he lied, he felt unworthy of the knighthood, but i also think he's scared of having a home in case he loses it again, and perhaps feels that tragedy follows him. maybe he'd rather be miserable fighting others for the entertainment of bloodthirsty assholes than achieving his dream, because it validates the misery which lingers inside of him. it's emotional self-harm, basically. speaking of which: i think he, honestly, wants to find a way to die honourably. that is the perfect way out for him: he doesn't have to cope anymore, but he's not just giving up. i mean, the guy does borderline suicidal shit every episode he features in.

1x05: charging solo at a creature which took out an entire group of knights and is said to only be killable through magical means.

2x04: sacrificing himself so gwen can escape, knowing that he will be caught eventually and put to death by a bloodthirsty crowd.

3x13: going into a castle occupied by immortal soldiers, unaware that merlin has a means to kill them.

4x01: setting out on a mission against another unkillable foe (the dorocha).

4x02: actually sacrificing himself to the callieach.

to be fair, all the knights risk their lives constantly; it's in the job description. but it still feels particularly pronounced with him. this theory is contradicted by the line from 4x02, "I look at you and I wonder about myself. Would I knowingly give up my life for something?" but tbh i still feel that lancelot was always going to die, as much as i hate to say it. staying alive is ooc for him.

also, what is your favorite lancelot moment from s4/s5 (bc the darkest hour pt. 2 didn't happen obviously)

definitely when he said "it's lancin' time" and lanced all over and killed kilgharrah and deprogrammed merlin so he was a normal person again and convinced him to give mordred a chance and everything turned out fine.

okay, being serious: literally every single lancelot moment has a special place in my heart. the scene where merlin collapses and lance immediately runs to help him is SO adorable and so in character i LOVE it. his sheer wonderment when the vilia show themselves; he's such a sweetheart. he really just takes everything in stride and truly accepts magic unconditionally. also the moment where gwaine takes a bite out of an apple while the knights are sneaking around and lancelot shakes his head in exasperation. gwaincelot crumbs!! i have my head tipped back ninety degrees to retrieve them from the very base of the metaphorical crisp packet. he's just too damn sweet. i love him so much ;-;

i absolutely despise 4x09 but he's soooo sexy in that episode. when he rises from the fucking lake naked and dripping with water??? i didn't react in any way i really didn't

[tiodolma]

Sometimes I think of how broken Arthur is because of Morgana just leaving him. From his perspective, he never saw it coming right? Guy’s an airhead. Plus Merlin and Morgana were ridiculously discrete even in their love and hate arcs. In the wake of her magic, she had relied on Merlin more than Arthur. Ofc Arthur didnt know whats been going on between MerGana the whole time.

Like for all intents and purposes, Arthur never stopped loving and wondering about her right? (At least up till S4). I dont really remember what Arthur stance about Morgana was in s5.

And like Merlin never gave up enough info about Morgana either (because that would expose his lies). So in retrospect, Merlin is one of the wedges that was driving Arthur away from truly understanding Morgana.

It’s just depressing to me that Merlin is one of the causes of ArMor relationship being broken. Ofc there were a lot of other factors, but Merlin was also significantly up there, and both ArMor werent fully aware just how much Merlin affected them.

[heavenssexiestangel]

Hello,

I was wondering, what are your headcanons for Ducifer? Like what would make Lucifer overcome his whole.. thing with humanity, and make him fall in love with Dean, and why would Dean fall in love with Lucifer? (Even more so if it's post season 5, there's even more of a challenge there)

Okay so.

I have many headcanons, and also post-s5 Lucifer is basically always OOC compared to what they showed us at first so like. I don't care lmao

Also. I'm shit at explaining my thoughts and who has read my meta before knows this (like for example the ones about Gabriel and loneliness, Lucifer and loneliness, all the ones about Gadreel, the ones about the MOL and specifically Arthur Ketch...). But uh. I'll try I guess?

I don't really have a specific reason why, but I think it could be linked to my way of thinking about Love as the driving force of the world and how love (in all its forms) can heal. Now, Dean is The Righteous Man (don't fight me on this John wasn't it.) And they talk at length about how his soul shines blah blah blah and Lucifer would see that. But that's just the beginning. Because Lucifer would also see what kind of human Dean is: he puts other people first, sacrificing himself to save people. He's selfless. He's broken, in a way. Depressed. And yet he fights to make the world he lives in a better place for other people. Sure, he makes mistakes... But so did Lucifer. And in a way, Dean could fall in love with Lucifer too. He's the son that rebelled, the son that tried (whether he managed or not is up for debate but it's another meta post entirely and also uh i did talk about this in the Archangels server at one point) to get free from his Father's hold. He's what Dean had tried to be and didn't manage to do. Lucifer also sees the world as beautiful, and humans as sort of parasites I guess. But the fact is... It's not true. We were made to protect this world, to make it flourish. It's our duty. And yes, most people lost this meaning along the way... But if we truly see what's up, Dean didn't. He's The Protector, The Caretaker. Whenever he sees someone that might need help, he steps up. And tries his best (which doesn't mean he always does right but again. Human). I think Lucifer, if they had given him the chance to know Dean, would have seen this. Slowly, he would have started to change his mind. Maybe not for all humanity, but for a specific human. Dean. Because as long as there is a Just person in this world (and uhm don't get me started on the meaning of Dean's name in Hebrew), this world is worth saving. Because it means there is still Hope. Now, I do think if Dean had managed to know Lucifer better... He would have seen how Lucifer needed to be loved, but not in Absolutes like the Archangels thinks. What we need is many times not what we need, and in a way... That's very Human of Lucifer. Lucifer shows such deep human emotions, amplified by the fact he doesn't really know how to deal with them... And it's so so interesting. Anyway. If they had managed to get to know each other and see the similarities (again, I did talk about it in the Archangels server lmao about how Dean and Lucifer are two sides of the same coin), they would have fallen for each other. And perhaps, they would have managed to heal. Not in a "oh I'm love now so I'm okay" but in a "You make me better, you make me want to be better" way. Sort of "your love heals me because I know we both made mistakes but we see each other. We see we are not bad, that we can do better, that we can help each other be better". The Enemy falling for The Righteous Man would have been an absolute slap in the face to Chuck, because they would have both strayed from his plan. And they would have found Love and Healing, which are intertwined in my mind.

This is very rambly. I am totally aware. But uh idk how to explain better, fam.