#no wonder he cheaped out on stormtroopers

[redbean-nom]

palpatine: help me budget this my empire is dying

[mykingdomforasong]

Skysolo: “quick, kiss me!”

[prompt list]

Han thought the Rebellion might be a good chance to get closer to the young man he'd turned his entire life around for, physically and emotionally. In his experience, military downtime was the perfect opportunity for some ... bonding.

But he hadn't had much bonding time with Luke. The war kept them pulled in different directions, and some days the closest they could get to a conversation, let alone flirting, was making eye contact during a strategy meeting.

They hadn't been totally abstinent, thank the maker. Luke seemed eager to kiss him whenever Han looked at him a little too long, or touched his hair a certain way. Han had even gotten a hand down his pants once (but that didn't last long). But every kiss felt like a chance encounter, a surprise bit of good luck, not a habit.

This reconnaissance mission seemed like the perfect opportunity though. They were undercover now, as they trudged through the low levels of Coruscant, pretending to be lost tourists on their honeymoon. A stroke of genius so good Han couldn't believe he hadn't come up with it. Two womp rats, one shot, as Luke would say. Rebellion heroics and an excuse to be real sweet to Luke.

Han held his hand as they walked, talking in hushed voices about the intel they needed, and then talking in loud voices about the sights and sounds. It wasn't hard for Luke to look so amazed; his blue eyes had been wide with wonder since they landed on the Imp-ridden planet. Han smiled every time he looked over and caught Luke staring up at the hovercars and skyscrapers above him, mouth open in wonder.

"You're good at this tourist act," Han teased.

Luke shoved him. "There's a lot of the galaxy I haven't seen before," he defended.

"You know if you had taken my offer, you'd've seen a lot more of it by now," Han said.

"I'm sure that after a few long hyperspace trips with me, you'd throw me out of the airlock," Luke said.

Han let go of his hand in favor of swinging an arm over Luke's shoulder and pulling him in close. "You? Never." He switched to a more obviously affected, theatrical voice. "You're the love of my life, hubby."

"Hubby?" Luke asked.

"Too much?"

"A bit, I think," Luke said, a smile on his lips.

They walked along the damp sidewalks, illuminated by neon signs advertising cheap restaurants and strippers (some at the same time), until they heard the familiar sounds of plastoid armor clunking its way around the corner.

"There's at least six of them," Luke said, suddenly worried. The two of them were hardly noticeable in their street clothes, but there wasn't a crowd for them to blend it. All the locals had disappeared inside. He turned to try and get into a noodle shop, but they'd locked the doors behind them.

"Kiss me," Han said, "quick."

Luke blinked fast at him. "That never works!"

"It might work!"

"No your plans never work. You get around on luck --"

"It's not luck! I know what I'm doing --"

"--we're stuck alone down here and --"

"--I didn't have anything to do with that --"

Their disagreement turned into a shouting match quick. It had occurred to Han more than once that both Luke and Leia were expert arguers, bypassing whatever the argument was about to get right to his soft, vulnerable, emotional underbelly. Just Han's luck it seemed.

The sound of their shouting and the ambient noise of the city completely distracted Han from the approaching footsteps. He only registered the stormtrooper presence when one of them said: "It's just a lovers quarrel, leave them to it,"

Han and Luke looked over to see three of the troopers turning away from them quickly to march forward.

Han leaned in. "Did we give anything away?"

Luke shook his head. "That worked out better than kissing."

Han pouted. "Maybe, but it wasn't as fun."

Luke smiled. "I had fun."

"I thought the Jedi were supposed to be all peaceful and shit," Han complained, turning to keep walking.

"I thought you didn't believe in the Force," Luke countered.

"Yeah but you do, and as long as you do, I'm gonna help you stay on track ... religiously and all that," Han said.

"And kissing is the way to do that?" Luke asked.

"You never know. Could be," Han said.

"You know ... we're close to the ruins of the old Jedi temple ... we could look for an answer," Luke offered.

"No detours," Han said.

"It's not," Luke protested. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a holo from Leia. "Direct instructions to me."

Han shook his head in confusion. "I wasn't told."

"I figured you wouldn't sign up for the mission if you knew hokey old religions were involved," Luke said.

"I would have, for you," Han argued. "And you could have told me sooner."

"You were bound to find out," Luke said.

Han reached down and took his hand again. The streets were still empty, so it was hard to say this was for their cover. "So ... you wanted me on this mission?"

"Figured you were the best one to pretend to be married to," Luke said, a forced casual tone in his voice that Han noticed right away.

"The best one?" Han Laughed. "Out of how many?"

"The whole base I guess," Luke said. It was rare to get Luke blushing, but he was. Han could almost skip with glee.

"Well --!"

"Han, please, drop it," Luke said.

"Why?" Han asked.

Luke almost seemed to squirm. "Just don't want to joke about it, alright."

Han sobered. "Alright kid," Han said. They walked in silence until they reached the end of the block. "You know, I'm not just messing around with you," Han said. "or trying to hurt you."

"What do you mean?" Luke asked.

Han turned to him. They were standing close enough that Han had to look down just a little to meet his gaze.

"Stop that," Luke said.

"Stop what?"

"Looking at me like that," Luke said.

Han played dumb. "Why?"

"You know why." Luke pressed his lips together tight; Han could see the tension in his brows, but his blue eyes were still looking right into Han's, until they weren't. He glanced down for just a second - to his lips, Han had to assume. And then back up, and then back down, this time lower.

"You can if you want to, baby," Han said. Luke's face relaxed a little. "I want to too."

Luke rediscovered his bravery and leaned up to kiss him, pressing their mouths together in almost the same moment he tangled a hand in Han's hair, another one in the fabric of his shirt. Han was nearly thrown off balance by Luke's enthusiasm, but he managed to match it soon enough.

"Glad to see you two made up," the robotic voice of a Stormtrooper said. They nearly jumped away from each other. "Nothing to worry about," the armored-man assured them, before carrying on.

"Kissing does work," Han said in a hushed voice.

"That was luck," Luke said. Han couldn't disagree.

[just-a-random-person24]

Barney's Mind episode's 13 and 14!! 15 is going be up right after these two!

Episode 13

• hates rocks

• needs a serious vacation

• going to throw a medkit at the first Alice scientist he sees to see if they die from proximity of health

• hates gymnastics. Finds it and figure skating boring

•likes NASCAR and football. Cause of course he does

• doesn't know how the trees know he's near them because they have no ears or eyes

• doesn't know how to power on the teleporter

• kicks the generator to turn it on

• likes when things listen to him

• “Barney uses crowbar! It's super effective!”

• needs a new flashlight cause the one he was equipped with is a shake-to-light flashlight. Says its because Black Mesa is too cheap to buy batteries

• “There's no way I'm in some little miniature ant farm, and someone is recording my every move and thought for some strange TV series and posting the videos on a website.”

• just wants this all to be a nightmare

• lost his wallet in Xen. Rosenberg also owes him money now

• thinks the scientists like making the guards do the dirty work

• thinks Rosenberg is more boring than Zoidberg

• damn counter: 2

Episode 14 (both parts)

• says hi to a dead guard

• very surprised about another person shooting the aliens

• says the guard and scientist is more useless than Twitter

• doesn't know how the marines got down there before him

• “grumble”

• doesn't get the soldiers torch

• about to make a comment about Gordon living in a basement, cuts himself off because he's very excited about satchel charges

• “Barney Calhoun, postal worker!”

• severally underpaid

• “What the w-t-c-crap-face-balls is this?”

• The coolant waterfalls make no sense. Claims it's Willy Wonka type shit

• says the marines aim worse than Stormtroopers

• Shoots the soldiers radio then realizes he could've used it to call for help

• wishes he was an evil scientist. Was going to talk about Gordon again before getting interrupted multiple times

• headcrab cut his cheek :(

• needs a script writer

• doesn't want the cut to scar up but then says it'd be badass and that chick's dig scars

• hopes Lauren is okay, figures she is cause she's in Denver that day

• wonders when a basement turns into a catacombs

• doesn't understand the point of the coolant swimming pool

• says a job pushing barrels around would suck

• surprised how fast the coolant pool filled

• “Go! Away! Zap-face!”

• yells at the bees to get out of his hair. How'd they get in his hair if it's covered by his helmet? shrug

• really has no clue what the deal is with the coolant

• assumes he's killed 20 thousand aliens at this point

• doesn't like Barney the Dinosaur or Teletubbies

• Star Trek joke

• thinks the coolant would be really cold and tingly because of the electricity

• recognizes the guard! it's Carl!

• “why does everybody I meet die?!”

• says Carl still owes him 5 bucks even though he died

• tired of people dying

• says his phone charges in 5 hours

• damn counter: 9

[tanyawritesstories]

Frozen Chances | The Mandalorian x Reader

So here is the much asked for sequel to Frozen Miracles that I promised. I hope y'all think it's as good at the first part. Enjoy 😊

Word count: 4.2k

Warnings: violence, fluff, feelings, yearning, use of the Force, Din is coincidentally great with children

•••

Nexlar was finally in sight. After a rough and bumpy five hour journey, the moon was finally within their reach. Din was tired, he hadn’t slept in about thirty hours. He had planned to after the kids were asleep, then Mandi decided to rearrange the interior of the ship with the first display of her powers. Din was still stunned and confused about the entire situation. He knew it wasn’t normal for children to have these abilities. His son was technically fifty years old and evidently knew how to use his powers to a certain extent. But Mandi was a newborn, only a few days old and she was exhibiting barely controlled displays of the same power.

Din had stayed in the cockpit ever since the small ordeal. Y/N hadn’t spoken anymore, just sat on the floor forcing herself to stay awake and hold her baby. She was terrified. She hadn’t let go of Mandi since, just cradled her in her arms, crying softly from time to time. Din was a bounty hunter, he’d been all over the galaxy and seen all sorts of strange things. Chances are this woman had never, or at least barely, left Tatooine. She was from a small corner of the galaxy where the unusual things were stormtroopers and blaster fire that lasted longer than a few minutes. Undoubtedly, the powers her foundling was displaying were concerning rather than confusing.

He brought the Crest into the planet’s atmosphere. A good part of the planet was forested, but he managed to pick out a city and put down the Crest on the edge of the forest. He climbed down into the hull, finding Y/N still hadn't moved from the floor at the end of his bunk. She had been awake as long as he had, if not longer. She was still looking at her daughter, trying to keep her eyes open she was so fatigued. Din could just barely see the dark bags under her eyes, every time her eyes started closing she would open them and blink a few times, trying to ward off her exhaustion.

He heard a small clang and looked over to see the child had somehow gotten into his ammunition stash, and was seconds away from sticking a charge for his pulse rifle into his mouth. “No, no, no,” he said kneeling down and snatching the bullet away. “That’s not food, you can’t eat that.” He returned it to the container and locked it back up, sighing and picking up his little green gremlin. He turned back around and saw she had finally looked up at him.

I’m sorry. I should have been watching him. She signed.

“It’s alright,” he said, “we’re on Nexlar but it’s getting late and you shouldn’t go walking around in the city at this hour. Why don’t you get some sleep, I’ll watch her.” Her shoulders sagged and she looked on the verge of tears again.

I don’t know what’s wrong with her, I have never seen anything like that.

Din kneeled in front of her and set the child by her feet. “I have. My little one has the same abilities. I don’t know how it’s possible, but he can move things with his mind. I think your foundling has the same powers,” he informed. He saw her relax a little, looking at his child who was trying to climb onto her lap.

So it’s not a bad thing then? Or anything that will hurt her?

“No, it’s nothing bad. She just can do things that other infants can’t,” he told her. "You can hold her then, but you need to get some sleep." She looked sad again but reluctantly held Mandi out to him. Din took the baby into his arms and cradled her against his chest. He held the little girl close and made sure she was comfortable in his arms, looking up he saw Y/N watching with a smile as he interacted with her baby. He nodded to his bed and she removed his child before slowly climbing onto his bed. Din picked his son off the floor and stood up.

“We’ll switch, you can always get him to sleep,” Din said. He placed his little one at the foot of the bed and he made his way to lay next to her head. She smiled and wrapped an arm around him protectively, ghosting a kiss to his cheek. Din exhaled slowly as he watched her turn off the lights. He would hate to see her go in the morning, she was so good with the kids, an excellent mechanic and he knew she could pilot a ship with her eyes closed. He would love to have someone with her skills aboard. The more he thought about it, the more she reminded him of Kuiil. A caring individual who was as skilled as she was kind. Someone who had experienced hardships in the past but had overcome them and chosen not to let that affect the peace they seeked. Only Kuiil was in a different state of peace now.

Din didn't want to be sad right now, he wanted to cherish this little girl as much as he could before he would never see her again. He retrieved one of the bottles of milk Y/N had pumped before they left the ice planet. She'd stashed it underneath a panel in the wall, knowing it would stay cold there. He climbed into the cockpit and took his seat, nudging Mandi’s lips with the soft tip of the bottle so she would open her mouth. He smiled under his helmet as she latched onto the bottle and began drinking.

Is this what it feels like to be the father of a normal child?

Mandi wasn’t normal, not anymore, but she was human and looking at her you would never know she had unnatural powers. Even though she was so young one could see that Mandi had her mother’s nose, lips, and face shape. However, her eyes and hair were a dark brown, evidently traits from her father; Din wondered what the man had looked like. He looked out the viewports at the surrounding forest. The strange, alien trees glowed in the darkness and the city had quieted down, it was peaceful and steady here. Din hoped Y/N and Mandi would be able to live here and be happy for a long time.

~~~~

Din had allowed himself to drift off to sleep once Mandi had finished her dinner. He shifted a bit in his chair and noticed the weight was gone from his lap and arms. He jolted awake and looked around, getting his bearings before rushing down into the hull. He opened his quarters and saw nothing, he turned around and calmed at the sight. Y/N was sitting on the floor again, breastfeeding Mandi while making sure his child didn’t spill the broth she had made for him. He sighed in relief and walked over, kneeling in front of her. Y/N had a blanket over the front of her to cover herself as she fed her child, wincing every now and then.

“Is she still biting you?” He asked. The woman nodded with a strained smile.

I’ll get used to it.

Din nodded. “Do you need anything before you go?” He asked. She shook her head and gave him a sad smile. Maybe she didn’t want to go either? He wished he had the guts to ask her to stay, he wanted her to stay. He reminded himself that his life was not suited for a woman and her child, the best thing he could do for her was let her go. He helped her pack up her few things and made sure she had everything she might need that he could give her. He opened the side ramp, facing the city.

“These are for you,” he said, handing her a pouch off his belt. She took and opened it, her eyes widening at the contents. It was the credits she gave him before they left Tatooine, his payment.

No, I can’t take this, these are yours.

“You’ll need them, nothing is cheap these days,” he said. She still looked apprehensive. “You can’t start over if you’ve got nothing to start with.”

She finally gave in and took the credits from him. Din reached over and brushed his glove-covered knuckles over Mandi’s cheek. “I know you’ll take good care of her,” he said. She nodded and smiled, looking over to see his little one standing on the end of his bed. She walked over to him and pecked a kiss on the top of his head.

I’ll miss you. She signed to him. She came back next to Din, smiling softly.

I’ll miss you too. Thank you for everything you’ve done. If you ever need anything, please come to me. I'd love to help.

He nodded in acknowledgement, not knowing what to say or even if he could say it. "Thank you, I hope you find what you're looking for here," was all he managed to say. She nodded back and adjusted Mandi in her wrap before walking down the ramp and into the city.

~~~~

The rest of the flight to Trask was more boring than he thought it would be. He didn't realize they hadn't fixed the landing gear as well as he thought, causing the Crest to plunge into the ocean at the last minute. At least the patches in the hull held up.

Din met the contacts at the marina. A lovely and welcoming couple that appeared to be a frog-like species. They couldn't speak basic, but they led him and his child into a nearby inn. His mind was taken away from how lonely he now felt, the feeling replaced with progress. He finally felt like he was getting somewhere.

The day passed, quick and chaotic. He found the Mandalorians he was looking for, but it nearly cost the child's life as well as his own. He was barely able to sleep the first night on Trask. He was starting to wonder if there were any of his kind left; anyone he knew or grew up with. Were they all gone? Was Bo-Katan right about his people? Were they actually a cult, or was she wrong and her opinion was tainted. He didn’t know what to believe.

When it came the next day, Din wished he had Y/N now more than anything. This mission was too dangerous to bring the child with, and so he left him in the care of the kind frog couple. They were nice and appeared to have new little ones of their own. Din was almost wishing he had left the kid with Y/N on Nexlar until he was certain he’d found a Jedi.

The mission went about as smoothly as things go around Din, which of course meant that there were several hiccups and issues. In the end he got the location of a Jedi, but was still frustrated with the so-called Mandalorians we had worked with. After picking the child back up, Din headed back to the Crest. The Mon Calamari he had paid handsomely to repair his beloved vessel had not done nearly the job he should have for the amount Din had paid him.

Frustrated, tired, and overwhelmed, Din knew the Crest would need more repairs, he would need sleep and food and so would the child. He took off and debated where to program the nav computer. He thought for a moment before punching in the coordinates to Nexlar. He would have a proposition to make.

~~~~

Luckily, the landing gear had been fixed and he was able to put his ship down in the same place as before. He was forced to carry the child in his shoulder bag after the crib had been destroyed by the sea creature. He made his way into town after securing the Crest. Din had no way of knowing where she had settled and so resorted to asking around. It didn’t take him long. A few of the merchants in the town square said she visited regularly, but only one was willing to tell him where she lived after he explained he was a friend who was there to check up on her. It was getting later in the day and Din purchased a few things for dinner and made his way to her home. Her home turned out to be two small connected rooms built behind an apothecary. He had thought with the amount of credits she had that she would have been able to afford better lodging.

The second he knocked, he heard a baby start crying. The door opened and revealed a tired looking Y/N. Without warning, she hugged him, pressing her face into his cold chest plate. Din was a bit taken aback but put his free arm around her briefly. "I, uh, brought dinner," he said nervously. She looked up at him and smiled, grabbing his arm and half dragging him inside. The moment she closed the door she began signing at a blinding pace.

I don't know what to do, I've tried so many different things and I'm out of ideas. She's not sick, she's not lacking any necessary vitamins, but she won't sleep and she barely eats.

The woman stopped and sighed, looking moments away from tears. She dug her hands into her hair and tried to calm herself down. Din set the food down on her table, now also concerned about the baby. "What's happened since I left?"

Nothing, nothing major. But she hasn't slept for more than a few hours since we got here. I don't know what to do anymore.

Din took his child out of his carry bag and set him on the floor after checking to make sure there was nothing he could get into. "Can I try?" He shyly asked. She motioned for him to go ahead as she collected the things he brought and took them to a counter. Din walked into the adjoining room, the bedroom, finding Mandi wrapped in a blanket, squirming and crying. His heart broke for the little one and he rushed to her side, scooping her up in his arms.

"Shh, shh. There, there, little one. It's ok now," he spoke softly. He rocked her in his arms and she slowly stopped crying and opened her eyes. Din removed a glove and ever so gently brushed away the tears on her little cheeks. "What's wrong, littl'un? You've got your buir worried sick," he said. Mandi just looked at him curiously, as if nothing had ever been wrong. One of her little arms reached up towards his face and Din intercepted her hand with a finger. She wrapped her entire hand around his one digit and he let her pull his finger into her mouth and watched her begin sucking on it. "Let's see if you'll eat something, hmm," he said.

Din walked back into the other room to get her a bottle. He found his child sitting in the middle of the table surrounded by a small number of hand-sewn toys that Y/N had given him to keep him occupied while she made dinner. "Does she have a bottle somewhere?" He asked. The woman pointed at the small cooling storage unit a few feet away and he opened it, grabbing a bottle out. He sat at the table, cradling Mandi comfortably with one arm. He used the same technique he had used with her before, gently rubbing and nudging the bottle against her lips until she opened her mouth. As soon as she had the bottle in her mouth she began drinking greedily. “Whoa, slow down there,” he murmured.

Unbeknownst to him, Y/N had been watching him interact with Mandi and scribbled something on a piece of flimsi. She set it on the table next to him and smiled when he looked up at her, patting his green son’s head before returning to finish their supper. Din glanced at the note she left for him. ‘It’s like she thinks you’re her father.’ Was written in neat but quick handwriting, he looked up and saw her putting things on a few separate plates with her back to him. He thought for a second and remembered the time Mandi saw him without his helmet not long after she was born and how he talked to her. He wasn’t 100% sure how babies worked but it could have been that Mandi saw him, the second person she had ever seen, and her little brain assumed he was her father. Plus, if her mother didn’t speak, his voice was the only one she knew. It would explain why she always calmed down when he talked to her. Y/N set two plates on the table, one in front of her and the other in front of the kid.

I made one for you, it’s keeping warm so you can eat it later when you’re comfortable.

Din nodded and thanked her, continuing to feed the little girl until she had her fill. Din returned her to her mother and then made sure his own kiddo wasn’t eating too fast. He watched her rock her baby and she signed a ‘thank you’ to him.

Are you able to stay here for the night? She asked with her hands. Din didn’t see any reason why he couldn’t, plus it would give him some time to think of a way to ask her if she would like to work for him.

"That would be nice."

~~~~

Din had found yet another thing that Y/N was skilled in: cooking. After they chatted for a while, she had put Mandi to sleep and dragged a mattress into the main room for him. In the safety of the darkness, well past midnight, Din was able to remove his helmet and eat the meal she'd left warm for him. It was the best food he'd had in months. In the morning, she let him have the refresher to himself for a while after she made breakfast.

He entered the main room to find her settling Mandi into a wrap across her chest. "Thank you for breakfast, and dinner last night," he said, "the food was amazing." She smiled and nodded towards him.

Would you like to come to the market with me? I could use the help.

"Sure," he agreed. He gathered his little womp rat into his bag and walked with her to the market in the center of town. He offered to carry her groceries and acted as a translator between her and the merchants. He noticed that she was buying very little and the amount of credits she had was low. “What happened to your credits? Housing on Nexlar that expensive?” She shook her head sadly.

I wasn’t here more than an hour and some thief swiped almost half my credits. That’s why I couldn’t afford better lodging.

Din sighed, making a note to pay for whatever she bought next. “Uh, listen I had been wanting to ask you a question..” he started. She nodded for him to continue. “Would you like to become part of my crew? It’s just me and the kid right now and I could use someone with your vast array of skills.” She looked at the ground as she walked, contemplating. “I can pay you,” he added.

I don’t know, I left Tatooine to escape the ruckus and adventure. But maker knows I could use the credits. She signed.

He let her think more as they walked until she suddenly stopped dead in her tracks. Din looked over at her and saw her staring in front of her where a line of New Republic credits were floating in the air in front of her. They both followed the line with their eyes back to its owner, an oblivious man standing at a meat cart. The pair looked around and saw that people’s credits were levitating in the air from their purses and pouches and steadily floating towards them. Din once again, on reflex, looked down at the kid in the bag near his hip, but it didn’t appear to be him. It was easy to tell when his kid used his powers, he usually used his hands and showed extreme concentration on his face, right now he looked unaffected and curious.

They both looked down at Mandi, strung safely across her mother’s chest with her little arms in the air and a small furrow in her brow. It wasn’t possible that she heard what her mother had said about needing credits, was it? The spectacle was drawing the attention of others, most stood dumbfounded as their currency floated through the air towards a woman and a Mandalorian with two children. Y/N held a concerned look on her face as she placed her hands on Mandi and held her impossibly closer to her body.

“Hey!”

Both Y/N and Din looked over to see a man staring at them angrily. “You the one doing this?” He shouted at the woman. Y/N looked between him and Mandi, shaking her head quickly. The man scoffed and pulled his blaster out of its holster. “Drop the credits,” he threatened. Y/N started signing quickly and Din spoke. “She doesn’t know how, it’s not her,” he said. The man stepped a few feet closer and several more men closed in around them, all with drawn blasters. They were outnumbered, Din knew how these things went and he slowly took her hand in his. “Alright then,” the ringleader said, “guess we’ll just have to kill her to get her to stop.” He raised his blaster and Din gripped Y/N’s hand tight.

“Run!”

He pulled her with him as they took off down an alley, blaster bolts firing behind them. “We have to get to the Crest, if we go to your house they’ll just find you,” Din said as he led her through close quartered buildings. They could hear the thugs chasing them, still firing their blasters. They came around a corner and skidded to a stop by a thug who had cut them off. Din drew his blaster and fired, killing him in seconds. Y/N grabbed Din’s wrist and pulled him in another direction.

They weaved through alleyways, trying to avoid the main roads while running back to the Crest. Din would fire behind them if they got close. He had no idea how many people were chasing them but he’d killed at least three. Din’s HUD picked up the Crest’s distance. They broke away from the town and headed towards the trees. The ship was in sight, Din pressed a few buttons on his vambrace and the engines started up. His head was tilted forwards and a ringing sound followed, he stopped, turned, and shot the pursuer that shot at his head. Y/N kept running towards the Crest, who’s ramp had just lowered.

Din suddenly felt something wrap around his neck. He dropped his blaster and grabbed at the cord but it was activated and electricity flowed through his body, dropping him to the ground on his back. Y/N looked back and saw what was happening. One of the thugs had an electric whip around Mando’s neck and he was squirming on the ground. She ran back and grabbed his blaster off the ground and fired at their aggressor. The man dropped dead, the whip turning off. Bullseye. She dropped the blaster and grabbed his vibroblade from his boot, cutting the cord, unwrapping it from his neck.

Din got to his feet and holstered his blaster and his blade before running into the Crest with his new companion. Din closed the ramp and Y/N climbed the ladder into the cockpit. More thugs came running towards the ship and Y/N pressed a button to activate the shields. Din joined her in the cockpit just as she pulled a lever back and lifted the steering handles, taking the Crest into the air. The thugs fired at the ship but their bullets harmlessly bounced off the shields. She guided his ship out of the atmosphere and into empty space. Finally safe, she slumped into the seat and sighed. “Welcome aboard,” he said, smiling behind his helmet. She chuckled and checked on Mandi, who was alright, as was Din’s little one. He reached over and punched their next destination into the nav computer. “Ever been to Navarro?”

~~~~

One of the few thugs that survived and had witnessed everything, made his way into a nearby cantina. He walked to the back and nodded to the Rodian guarding a secret door. The Rodian moved aside, letting the man enter the room. He walked to a terminal in the middle of the dark room and turned it on. He only had to wait for a few minutes until the glowing blue hologram of an Imperial officer showed up. “Anything to report?” The officer asked.

“Yes, I have a message for Moff Gideon,” the man growled.

“Tell him there’s another child.”

[tintinwrites]

it was a pretty good bad idea, though | Poe Dameron x Fem!Reader

A/N: This is my first ever sex pollen fic lol I need to do more fic tropes honestly??

Rating: M

Warning: Sex pollen except fruit. Everyone warns for dubcon with pollen but honestly they’re both into each other just afraid their friendship won’t be the same. Maybe some naughty words? The sex is a little bit rough.

Word count: 4,006, apparently!!

Summary: You and Poe are being honored by the leaders of a planet for saving them from stormtroopers, and they offer you a fruit that you’re told you’ll enjoy.

GIF credit: I have no idea, but it’s not mine. Please let me know if you know who made this!

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“You really don’t have to do this.”

The light green man in front of you only laughed at Poe’s humble comment, leading you into the grand hall of his palace; there was a long table filled with any food you could imagine ‒ some you didn’t recognize — and surrounded by chairs that seated what had to be half of the village.

It really was more than enough that he was letting the two of you stay in a room in his grand palace during your mission, but honoring you for taking out the platoon of stormtroopers trying to take over the planet in such a grandiose way was almost uncomfortable compared to the bare minimum lives you typically lived.

You were used to cheap sheets, and always doing work, and eating a ration bar in the quick moments you had to eat.

But the people here offered you relaxation when you weren’t actively planning or fighting, they gave you a lush bed that you and Poe didn’t mind sharing since it was so soft, and now they were giving you this grand feast and it was both wonderful and slightly overwhelming.

Was it correct to accept such things when you had simply done what was right?

Maybe you were a bad person for wanting to accept it even though all of this luxury was too much for you to properly comprehend.

They weren’t going to take no for an answer anyway, right? They wanted to thank you for your work before you left. It wouldn’t be polite for you to deny what they wanted.

You and Poe looked at each other in a way that conveyed that, as well as showed each other the sparkle in your eyes at the thought of all the mouthwatering food.

A chair was pulled out for you near the head of the table where the leader, Crix, would be sitting and the one next to you was pulled out for Poe, and you could see Poe looking sheepish at the attention despite how much he enjoyed having his ego stroked.

Everyone at the table chatted loudly until Crix rose from his seat and tapped on his cup of some fine material you felt too unworthy to even be near and the room quieted. “As you all know, we’re having a feast tonight to honor the rebels who saved us from the enemy where without them we might have been taken over.”

They were an animated race of people, based on timed gasps.

“Please raise your glasses to Poe Dameron and and Y/N Y/L/N, the finest rebels in the galaxy.”

You were ducking your head at people’s raised cups and words of praise and, wow, you didn’t even know Poe could look that embarrassed with how prideful he could be.

It seemed to go on for several minutes before Poe seemed to mellow enough to say a little awkwardly, “Thanks, really, it means a lot, but we were just doing the right thing.”

Crix smiled warmly, making a gesture for everyone to sit down and for the meal to commence.

Poe and you were the first to be served and now it was definitely overwhelming as you were passed dish after dish, hurrying to put a serving on your plates as another dish would be handed to you.

Both of you looked at each other almost in fear with mouths full of food as beautiful women with the same green skin tone as everyone else brought in more dishes.

You quickly swallowed the root vegetable you were eating and Poe swallowed whatever mashed spoonful he’d taken as one of the women came to stand between you with a bright fruit in her hand.

“Oh, both of you will love this!” Crix clapped, giving Poe a wink.

“No, really, we have more than—” Poe was cut off with a muffled yelp as the woman shoved the red, plum-like fruit into his mouth and practically forced him to take a bite. He made some sounds and faces to show them how delicious it was, smiling as she pulled it out of his mouth.

“My turn now?” With your mouth open for a willing bite, the fruit was still forced into you and you were acutely aware that you were definitely eating some of Poe’s spit with it.

It was incredibly sweet and yet it zinged your tongue at the same time, and it made your lips tingle for a brief moment then faded.

You looked over at Poe to see he was already chowing down on his food again, seeming to enjoy the attention now as he told the woman seated across from him about what you’d done to take down the stormtroopers.

He always talked with his hands when he really got into a story, swinging them around and gesturing wildly as if it could make people see what he was saying, and you found yourself staring at them; they were big and looked surprisingly soft for how often they were wrapped around a flight stick or the grip of his blaster, and you wondered what they might be like wrapped around your—

You were sure that he now had four hands and you gave a little gasp as the room tilted, hands flying out to keep yourself from falling, one on the table and one on the back of your chair.

“You okay?” Poe turned to look at you with his brow furrowed in concern, one of his own gorgeous hands hovering over you in case he had to grab you.

“I...um...I don’t know if I can fly home, Poe, my vision is all…” You didn’t finish, blinking rapidly until the two men in front of you melded back into one.

“By all means, stay another night! We’re not going to kick you off our planet after such a worthy battle, and I think you’ll find extra use out of a comfortable bed tonight.” There Crix went winking yet again, but you didn’t notice.

“Can we please stay?” You sounded a little bit pitiful, and Poe nodded with worry obvious in his beautiful, big, beguiling brown eyes.

He bid everyone goodnight as he helped you to your feet with a cautious arm around you, rolling his eyes slightly as a basket of fruit was shoved into his other arm and acknowledging applause with an awkward smile

The sounds of clapping and cheering faded when he took you upstairs to where the grand palace’s bedrooms were, stopping you outside your room to take a look at you.

Why his eyes roamed your entire body with a hint of darkness, you didn’t know, but it sent a jolt to your core. “Did you have too much of the wine?”

You shook your head. “Only a couple sips.”

Poe hummed, leading you inside and dropping the basket on a table, helping you to sit on the bed.

You let out a tiny whine as his hands left your body and his head snapped over to stare hard at you with...not surprise, but more...he looked almost feral.

Blinking a couple times, he sat down on the opposite side of the bed and ran a hand through his hair.

“You know, I’m not sure that I can fly back home either, so, uh, it’d probably be best if we stay here for tonight, and, um, I’m gonna sleep on the floor, okay?” He was crossing his legs for some reason, angling his hips away to keep you from seeing something.

“I really don't mind sleeping in the bed next to you.” The mere thought of it had warmth pooling between your legs, a steady pulsing on your clit.

“Look, sweetheart, I’m—I’m having a bit of a, uh, typically male issue right now and I’m not going to subject you to it.” His voice faltered around the pet name and you weren’t sure if this made sense, but your pussy kind of did too.

Or your pussy clenched might have been a better word to describe it.

It was in that very moment as your body hummed for even the slightest touch from him, that you realized how strange this sensation was.

There was no doubt that Poe was handsome and that he was generally a kind, charming man, but you were friends and any attraction you felt for him was fleeting since you knew it likely wouldn’t happen.

But now? All you could even think about was his hands on your body as you rode him until you both reached that beautiful—

You let out a soft moan that was greeted by a groan from Poe as he curled himself further away from you. “Kriffing hell, please stop.”

With his reactions and his mention of a ‘typically male’ issue, you didn’t need to be a genius to figure out what he was so desperate to hide from you.

“Are you feeling what I think you’re feeling that I am also feeling right now?” Your words came out in a rush that almost didn’t make sense to your own brain.

“Like I could shoot a load in my pants from a kiss? Uh...yeah.” Poe looked at you with almost a little relief at the knowledge that he wasn’t the only one slowly going crazy with desire.

Your eyes met his and stars that was enough to have lust coursing through you and you had to grip tight to the mattress to keep from leaping across the bed to him.

He was practically bouncing on his corner of the bed now, fighting off his urges.

Were your clothes this tight all day?

They’d been comfortable when you put them on that morning, perfect for combat, and now all you could think about was how tight they were.

“What do your tits look like?” His brain, starting to become addled with lust, seemed to ask this of its own accord and he quickly slapped a hand over his mouth.

You were too busy staring at him to even notice you’d jumped at the opportunity to take off your now uncomfortable top and bra, until his hand dropped and his mouth fell open, and the cool air in the room instantly hardened your nipples.

He turned now, reaching for your chest, and you glanced at the tent you could clearly see in his pants, your tongue darting out to wet your lips.

“We shouldn’t.” You arched your chest a little bit closer.

“I know.” He cupped your breasts in both hands and your moans blended together.

“I—I mean, we’re friends, right?”

“Of course we’re friends. And if I know what it’s like to have my dick inside my friend’s pussy, it might ruin it a little. How would we be friends if all we’re thinking about is how good sex is with each other?”

You thought Poe was quite handsome and he flirted with you almost always, but it had never gone beyond that; you were friends and colleagues, and it would be quite a big risk to add sex into that.

Yet he made ruining your friendship sound like the smart thing to do.

Maybe you could do it this once and maybe it would be okay to look at your friend every day knowing what his dick felt like—

But the still-functioning part of your brain reminded you that it may make things awkward, that your friendship with Poe would likely crumble and you would probably rarely ever see this kind, sweet, beautiful man if you couldn’t stand to be around each other.

“Poe, we can’t.” Your eyes were half-lustful and half-pleading as you made yourself grab his wrists and pull them away; even touching such innocent parts of his skin made you desperate for him.

“You’re right. I know you’re right. There’s too much at stake and I...I don’t want you to come down from this regretting being with me, you know? I don’t want you to hate me.” He moved to his corner again, forcing his eyes away from your breasts.

“I don’t want you to look at me in disgust when you’re in your right mind again.”

“—what?” His eyes snapped up to yours.

“Look, I know that we kind of flirt a lot, but I also know that you’re naturally flirtatious and right now you’re as desperate for release as I am, and I don’t want you to hate me and be all awkward when all you can think about is that you fucked me.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, don’t think for one second that I don’t think you’re one of the most gorgeous people in the galaxy. Yeah, okay, I’m a little horny right now, but if you had ever given me any inclination that you really wanted to have sex with me, I would’ve dropped everything. I don’t want you feeling awkward that I took advantage of the situation.”

“You’re not taking advantage of this, Poe. I want it just as much and I...you’re so handsome...I would have said yes if you ever really propositioned me, but I’m scared you’ll feel awkward and I’m going to lose our friendship.”

“So where does this leave us?”

Perhaps some of your desire was entirely yours and not induced by whatever as you stared into his eyes, then shyly looked away. It might have seemed romantic and forbidden to any onlookers. “It’s really not a good idea.”

He nodded, sitting in a tense silence for a moment.

Was it possible that your lust would fade if you ignored it for a little bit?

You decided to distract the both of you with a little small talk, “I think maybe that fruit they made us eat did this.”

“Crix said we’d like it and he winked at me, didn’t he? Probably thought he was doing us a favor...he already gave us a room with one bed in it. That fruit did make my lips all—”

“Tingly?” You finished his sentence for him, aware of how tingly you now were between your legs.

“Yeah.”

“Same here.”

“Good climate here, huh?”

“Sure. Warm.”

The small talk fizzled into the awkwardness that you feared would only come from an altered friendship.

As you looked down at your feet and felt a new surge of wetness in your underwear, it was followed by the sharpest pain you’d ever felt in your life; you’d been shot a couple times by a blaster and it couldn’t compare to the intense pain now between your legs that was urging you to soothe it with certain pleasure.

“Poe!” His name came out as a gasp and his gaze flashed to you in concern as you cupped yourself between your legs, lifting your hips off the bed as if the lack of pressure would help.

“What’s wrong?” He reached for you, hands hovering, scared the slightest touch would be too much for either of you.

Despite having the first bite of the fruit, Poe seemed to hold it a little better than you, but he was feeling the same effects as you as his eyes suddenly widened.

He groaned loudly, falling back to the bed as his hand moved over his cock, hissing at the contact and forcing himself to pull away to stop himself from ‘shooting a load’ into his pants as previously mentioned.

“Poe, it hurts! It really, really, really, really, really, really hurts!” You wished you were being dramatic, that it didn’t seem like your cunt was on fire from the lack of stimulation.

“I know, baby, believe me, I know!” He wasn’t the type of whiny guy who made an excuse that a hard cock could genuinely hurt when left without attention, but he was painfully hard right now.

“Trying to pretend we’re not horny until it goes away is not gonna work for me, it hurts and I’m pretty sure the only thing that’s going to make it stop is sex.”

“I’m willing to ruin our friendship to stop your pain.”

“You want to stop your pain, don’t you?”

“A little.”

“I’d say this is the best course of action we could take as long as you’re not feeling totally forced into this.”

“I think you’re beautiful and that’s not the fruit talking. What about you? I don’t want you to wake up hating me for this.”

“You know you’re one of the sweetest, most handsome men in the galaxy and that’s also not the fruit talking.”

“Okay.”

“Let’s ruin our friendship?”

“Let’s ruin our friendship.”

The words scarcely left your lips before Poe was on you, pushing you down to the mattress sideways and reminding you that your breasts were out as the material of his shirt brushed against them.

That was enough contact for you to arch into him alone, but his kiss was like water on a raging fire, cutting down the flames enough that the pain between your thighs ebbed away a little.

Poe’s hips moved against yours desperately as you reached down to his waist to yank his shirt over his head, running your hands over the new, beautiful skin that was revealed to you.

Little moans were drawn from both of you with each kiss, each run of your hands over his sides and his greedily holding tight to your hips.

But it wasn’t enough; though it was satisfying the very edge of your desire, your brain kept telling you more, more and you shoved Poe back with a strength you didn’t even know you possessed.

He bounced on his ass on the bed and you knelt between his legs to hurriedly unfasten his pants, tugging them down when he easily lifted his hips for you to remove them. They were kicked somewhere on the floor along with his underwear and his hard cock twitched at the look in your eyes.

You might have taken it into your mouth if it weren’t for him helping you with your pants next, his fingers hooked into them and your underwear to yank them off and throw both down with his own clothes.

His fingers dove between your folds eagerly, but his eyes widened and he drew back his fingers to find them entirely soaked by your wet cunt. “You are the hottest person I’ve ever met.”

“I need your dick in me right now,” you gasped, now the one tackling him to the bed, though he was laying correctly with his head on the pillows as you held his face and kissed him.

It had to be impossible for you to get even wetter when he slid his tongue into your mouth, but your arousal was evident as it pooled onto his dick where you were straddling him.

He looked up at you with lustful eyes and a pleased grin when you pulled back, meeting the rutting of your hips with his own and reaching up to squeeze your breasts.

You moved your cunt against his cock without any penetration for perhaps a few more seconds before it was too much and you knew you needed him inside of you or you were going to go madder than you already were.

He hissed a little at the sensation of your hand wrapping around him and you lined him up to your entrance, sinking down onto him with ease since you were practically dripping.

There was this moment of absolute stillness, sheer pleasure taut between you like a rope about to snap and filling the room with a deafening, wonderful silence. All either of you could do was let your mouths fall open, your eyes closing in pure ecstasy as joining your bodies fixed almost everything.

But not everything.

The tension snapped and it was like you both went entirely wild with the need to orgasm, both of you letting out loud moans in tandem as you began riding him as fast and as hard as you possibly could.

It wasn’t fast enough for Poe, who gripped onto your hips and bounced you on his cock like you were his whore, bracing himself on the bed to meet your thrusts desperately.

Still not pleasing the desire in him, he turned you over with no difficulty in his craze and gave a loud growl, pounding you into the mattress.

You really didn’t mind and you weren’t sure you would mind even if you weren’t high on some random fruit; you liked a man that used his cock sufficiently and maybe in the back of your mind you had always known Poe could use his expertly.

With each rough, deep thrust of his hips, your moans only seemed to be louder and your nails were raking over his back, his arms, his chest, his jaw. You were sure to leave red marks all over him that you would apologize for later.

Usually it took a fair bit of foreplay and touching during sex for you to start feeling your orgasm build, but you were desperate for it and could already feel that tingling sensation moving over your cunt.

There was no teasing, no holding things off to make it last longer.

Only you and Poe and the greatest friction in the entire world, and before you knew it your walls were fluttering then clenching around his cock tighter than you’d ever felt, your orgasm slamming into you with Poe as your jaw dropped open with a cry that almost sounded pained.

You gushed around him and onto the sheets, but you couldn’t really be fucked to feel any sort of embarrassment with how good it felt to tighten around his cock again and again, to feel that beautiful release and desire and pain rush out of you.

You didn’t even realize that Poe was biting your breast as he sought his own pleasure, his hips jerking out of rhythm, whines spilling from his lips onto your skin, until he gave a low, satisfied groan and you felt his cum fill you.

Really fill you.

Like, it was spilling out of you around his cock as he collapsed on top of you.

His face was nestled into your neck in his new position and you were unaware in your blissed out head whether he was deeper in you or not in you at all as you tilted your head to nuzzle his hair.

He had to pull away eventually much to your disappointment, and both of you seemed to be coming back into your right minds anyway.

You felt his cum dripping out of you to mix with your own on the sheets, turning your head to find him looking at you already. “What?”

“That’s some way to ruin a friendship, huh?” He was grinning and it made you grin to see that he wasn’t awkward with you.

But, of course, even without the desire coursing through you both, you were still laying there together after having some incredible orgasms.

It was a little bit hard to be awkward when you were both satisfied.

He would be awkward about it later, you knew, and it was going to hurt like hell for you to only see him in fleeting glimpses across the hangar or the dining hall.

Your orgasm seemed to be fully faded now and you were horrified and eager when you realized that your desire was building again.

“Ah, fuck,” Poe laughed, looking down as his cock started to harden again without any sort of prompting.

“I guess we’re ruining our friendship a little bit more.” You smiled mostly genuinely.

He kissed you with murmurs of working your way to it this time instead of attacking each other.

Part of you was happy that both of you were still horny from the fruit since it meant that the awkwardness would have to wait a little while.

Maybe it could even last forever.

You could stay in this secret, still world where you were held, and kissed, and fucked by this handsome, sweet man without a single consequence like losing your beautiful friendship with him.

[jasontoddiefor]

hey so for the emporer luke thing would luke eventually get to see biggs/meet him cuz they're cool

As if I could leave my second fave Tatooine kid out of any OT story! Read on AO3

Biggs Darklighter was fifteen years old and he still dreamed of going to the stars someday. He was a good son, helped in the household, and took care of his younger siblings, and would his parents ask him to stay, then Biggs would. If they’d let him go though, Biggs would seek the unknown parts of the galaxy, chase after the adventures he had dreamed of ever since he was a little boy, running around in the courtyard of his family’s home or jumping up and down on Luke’s bed, pretending to be a ship in the sky.

It was strange how easily he had accepted Luke’s disappearance when he was younger. Tatooine was a harsh planet, cruel to the bone, and the death of a loved one happened far too often to be unfamiliar with how tightly life and death were woven together. He hadn’t forgotten about Luke, had mourned his friend and joined his mother on her trips to the Lars homestead, but he hadn’t let Luke’s fate dominate his every waking thought. There had been other things to worry about, such as the suddenly escalating conflicts due to Jabba’s death.

Now it seemed like the exact opposite was happening to Biggs. He couldn’t keep his friend out of his mind. The weekly trips to the Lars homestead, checking in on its state and the refugees hiding there for the next transport that would them smuggle off-world, were now spent trying to see whether Biggs could find any sign of His Imperial Highness in the murals and carvings they had made into Luke’s bedroom walls as children. He had been there when they had found Beru and Owen’s bodies, eleven years old and wondering whether Luke had made used of his uncanny ability to hide away so that he hadn’t been killed too. His aunt and uncle had been half-buried in the sand already, left behind to rot without a proper funeral. It had been easy to figure out what exactly had caused their deaths and what it meant for Luke. In the aftermath, when the news of Jabba’s violent end had reached even the Darklighters, they had traveled to the palace and the nearby city once, trying to see if anybody had heard of a child by the name of Luke Skywalker, but nobody had known a thing.

And then, just a year later, Luke had appeared again.

The Republic had never really cared about Tatooine and neither had the Empire, but even they had heard rather quickly about the Emperor’s death and his heir.

The Luke in the holos had looked like a doll, fake and imaginary, like a wind spirit. His face hadn’t been any different, it still matched the one Biggs remembered, but nothing else seemed to fit, not his name, not even his accent.

And yet he had been sure that the child appearing in front of the Senate was his friend.

All that had remained from Luke Skywalker were his blue eyes, the blond hair and the kindness that had made the other children scoff at him. Luke had been too good to understand, to naïve or perhaps he just hadn’t cared for their petty words. Biggs hadn’t known how he could smile so openly when the others took their teasing to far, but Luke had never lowered his head, at least not where he could see it.

Biggs missed his best friend, the one who would help him fix up old droids and fly speeders and skyhoppers more accurately than anybody else, even though he really shouldn’t be able to do so. Luke would certainly have the time of his life now, rushing across the sands at maximum speed, the wind hitting his face so harshly it almost cut into it. Luke had always enjoyed listening to the wind, from the sweet breezes in spring to the heavy sandstorms towards the end of drought season. Being stuck inside with nothing to do hadn’t been too bad with Luke around to narrate what the wind was telling him.

The distance between the Darklighter homestead and the Lars’ Rest, as they had come to call that safehouse, wasn’t too large. Biggs crossed it quickly even in his slightly beat-up ride that could use an upgrade or two. As far as he knew, no runaways should be staying there for the remainder of the week until they got the next group through. There were fewer and fewer slaves in need of transport nowadays. Tatooine was still, as it had been for the last years since Luke’s disappearance, caught in civil war between the former Hutt slaves, freedom fighters, whatever good soul they could convince to join their cause and those crime syndicates who sought to make use of cheap labor. Where the Hutts had that thought they could reclaim Tatooine quickly following Jabba’s death, Tatooine had wanted to prove them wrong. More and more slaves had escaped every day, more people stood up to fight for what they believed to be right.

Biggs wasn’t allowed to do much, not really. His older sister and her partners were heavily involved in the fights while Biggs could only do supply runs. He knew they were important, but he itched to do something more proactive.

But perhaps that wouldn’t be necessary anymore.

It had become more and more obvious that the Hutts were also a thorn in the side of the Empire and whoever was actually pulling the strings behind their Emperor was set to do something about it. There had been skirmishes so far, a few imprisonments. Nothing too large yet, but the horizon was darkening and if the last years had shown anything, then that the Empire didn’t tolerate disobedience. Biggs wasn’t sure how it would influence Tatooine at large. He didn’t know all that much about the way the Hutts operated on a galactic scale, but he figured that whatever took their attention away from Tatooine, even if just for a while, was good.

Soon Biggs was approaching Lars’ Rest and was surprised to see figures standing in the distance. Biggs frowned and slowed down his craft. He was absolutely certain that no group should be coming in today. The position of Lars’ Rest was kept quiet so that no slaver would discover this particular hideout. The only other groups that knew of it were smugglers and the sand people, though they hardly bothered coming down the underground tracks these days. They had decided to target moisture farms far deeper into their territory or, in the case of some clans who were not as isolated,  target the rich of Tatooine so the poor would cease trying to expand further into the desert.

Biggs reached for his rifle. If they were slavers, he had to be ready. It was obvious that he was doing supply runs, who else would be out here, and if they took him, that could be disastrous for the whole organization.

Tatooine was a horrible planet to plan an ambush on. Sand for miles, the open desert, and skies, nothing could hide you or provide adequate cover. Once your enemy spotted you, that was it.

Biggs could of course leave, drive back home. They didn’t keep anything too incriminating at their homestead, so even if they were to follow him, there was be nothing to be found there. And yet, somehow, Biggs couldn’t bring himself to do so as anger flared up in his stomach like the midday heat.

That house had belonged to his best friend. It was supposed to be a safe haven now when before its inhabitants had found death or worse. Nobody had any right to ruin those memories.

With newfound bravery and strength, Biggs sped up again. He was a good shot, the best in his family, he’d definitely hit them before they could shoot him.

As Biggs got closer, he saw that the group was larger than he had thought at first. Ten, perhaps fifteen figures. He had been confused because their forms had not been easy to make out with the sun bearing down on their light uniforms, no, armor. The armor was mostly white, but some patterns appeared to have been drawn on it. He saw the green ones first, their color standing out the most against the yellow and blue background of Tatooine. Then there some men with blue, orange, and red patterns, those being much harder to see. Biggs’ eyes were good, but not that excellent.

Nevertheless, he readied his rifle. It was easy to get stormtrooper uniform, and to paint it in the color of the Emperor’s guard was even easier.

Biggs took aim. He wasn’t going to shoot unprovoked, but he was going to shoot first if the situation escalated.

“Hey!” He shouted once he was within hearing distance. “Get the hell out of here!”

As expected, the armed men immediately raised their weapons as well. Biggs didn’t know why they hadn’t done that the moment they had seen him. Now that he was standing in front of them, Biggs wasn’t so sure his move had been the smartest. There were way too many of them and only one him.

“Move away,” one of the troopers, a red one, said.

His armor looked pristine, the paint new. This has to be a trick, though he no idea what somebody would get from parading around in trooper armor here. There were certainly more effective ways to pretend to have more power than you actually did on this planet.

“This land doesn’t belong to you,” Biggs said, forcing his voice not to waver. “Move.”

“Listen here, kid,” one of the troopers said, then suddenly stopped talking. Another man had put his hand on the man’s shoulder and leaned forward, probably telling him something. Even though Biggs couldn’t see their faces, they didn’t look too concerned by it all

“I’m not joking!” Biggs insisted and raised his blaster just a little more, set on using it if need be. “I will-“

“Biggs?”

The voice was barely louder than a whisper, certainly not above the noise the wind and the engine were making, and yet Biggs still heard it clearly.

“Your Majesty-“ The red trooper hissed, but in between the trooper’s bodies, a smaller form pushed through.

The person was short, but not as by far not as tall as the holos made him out to be. His hair had darkened as well, wasn’t the light blond Biggs remembered, but the eyes, clear blue, were definitely the same.

“Luke?” Biggs couldn’t believe it.

His clothes were far too fine for Tatooine, at least for standing outside where sand could easily get stuck everywhere on your skin. His robes looked soft and were decorated with gold and red lines interconnecting to images reminiscent of flowers and vines.

The boy's face split into a smile and he looked like he’d jump into a sprint if not for the trooper’s hand on his shoulder.

“Biggs! It really is you!” Luke said excitedly. “I didn’t think I’d see you again. I was hoping someone would look after the farm, but I-“

He cut himself off to shake his head, a gesture so familiar that it had to be Luke standing in front of him, brilliant pilot, Emperor of the galaxy.

Biggs hurried off his speeder and fell to his knees.

[eternalthenas]

what bothers me the most about tros and what i’m most unable to accept is how jj managed to destroy and disrespect EVERY single character. even the ones who technically had “happy endings”🤡

ben - i feel like this one doesn’t even need to be said, but i’ll say it anyways. after years of emotional abuse from palpatine, it’s disheartening to see that jj gave no explanation as to why palpatine wanted ben (personal vendetta against the skywalkers i guess??) when it semed like he only needed rey AND that ben never really triumphed over palpatine in any way. it hurts to know that leia straight up had a vision about her son’s death but that she still seemingly gave up on him despite knowing that he was struggling and that she sent him off to train to be jedi with a luke, when apparently she could’ve done that herself. it’s disheartening that luke who believed even vader could be turned back to the light also gave up on his nephew, when he was just a boy no less. it’s disheartening that although he was the last skywalker (a fact only palpatine acknowledged!), none of his family nor his namesake reached out to help him. instead of telling the last skywalker to rise, they ignored him (as they had apparently done his whole life) in favor of a palpatine. ok. even though as the last skywalker, he really should’ve been the one to have the final kill against palpatine since it was HIS family that palpatine destroyed, he doesn’t. he’s motionless in a pit for the whole final battle. ok. that will never not leave a bad taste in my mouth. his whole family (except for han apparently i love him) gave up on him and clearly so did the writers. as a fan of the skywalkers and their story, this isn’t the ending i wanted for them. especially when luke and leia and han had given their lives to see him turn to the light. and for what? so he could be used as a plot device to conveniently bring rey back to life and then promptly die (even though they’re a force dryad and, according to jj’s own fucking canon, supposedly one) without any fanfare, emotional reaction whatsoever, or later mention? wtf? it’s disrespectful not only to ben solo, who is easily the best character in the sequel trilogy and one of the best characters in ALL of star wars, but it’s disrespectful to the entire skywalker line!! (and to adam driver, who deserved so much better than this shit. go get that oscar)

rey - by making her a palpatine, jj completely disregarded her arc. whatever your opinions about rey nobody, once they went with it, they never should’ve retconned it and turned her into a legacy character in the final film. it felt cheap. in my theater, there was no cheering about this reveal. because jj had never properly set it up and he didn’t even bother to reveal it an impactful way. but what’s most annoying about rey suddenly being a legacy character is that it completely disregards the fact that she was powerful on her OWN, without any famous blood making her that way. furthermore, by turning her into the chosen one and giving her the entire skywalker legacy (which felt like a slap in the face to the skywalkers imo), she did turn into a mary sue, one of the biggest complaints about her since day 1. she was overpowered, morally perfect, and never faced any failure. i struggled to root for her as the “hero” because i felt everything was handed to her on a silver platter. so not only did jj turn her into a mary sue and take her power away from her by turning her into a legacy, but he also destroyed the fact that her whole arc had been “seeking belonging” and a family. rather than having her final scenes be with her new found family, she ends the movie with her canon soulmate dead and no one but a droid by her side on a desert planet of all places. to add further insult to injury, she also disregards her family name even though they supposedly loved her and sacrificed themselves for her (despite the fact that they sold her but whatever) in favor of a last name of a guy she had barely known. she had more emotional connection to han or leia, but she didn’t take their last name. she took luke’s, the guy who had refused to teach her and who she had come to view in a more negative light towards the end of tlj. in this house i will not EVER be calling her rey sky- i can’t even say it🤢

finn - in all honestly, they screwed finn’s character arc in episode 1 when jj turned him into a lovesick sidekick who served as comedic relief. as a deserted stormtrooper, he could’ve had the most interesting storylines. and he should have. but apparently the writers forgot about him. although they mention his past BRIEFLY, it’s paid no real weight or attention. instead, he spends the whole movie once again trying to (possibly) confess his feeling for rey. and for what? probably just to bait finnrey fans and prove the character’s heterosexuality bc it goes absolutely nowhere. although we find out he’s force sensitive, that too is glossed over and has no lasting effect. he’s also made co general, which okay cool, but then he does nothing?? so while finn could have and should have been a main character with an interesting storyline, they turn him into your average run of the mill action hero with an occasional quip. john boyega, sweetie, i’m so sorry (but i guess that’s kind of what he wanted since he hated tlj, the only movie where he actually had a main role with any character growth?? idk)

poe - it’s once again evident that they originally intended to kill off poe bc he has no arc whatsoever. he gets a little backstory as a drug smuggler now ig, which really came out of left field considering the already established canon with his past as a pilot. he’s more of the same in this movie, except more unlikable than usual (imo). he’s still stubborn, occasionally funny, but mostly he just bickers with rey, which isn’t funny, at all necessary, and doesn’t add anything to the “trio’s” dynamic. he’s at his best when he’s with finn but then, of course, jj has to remind us of how straight he is every single scene so. another character like finn who could have been great, but with the lazy writing, he has no arc, no backstory, no character growth, so he’s just mediocrity personified and just kind of there.

zorii & jannah - both could’ve been awesome. both are just there for a brief introduction and to help the heroes with maybe one thing and that’s it. both deserved better.

the skywalkers - yeah jj really said a big fuck you to luke, leia, and anakin most of all. the WORST part of tros is the fact that it basically makes the previous six episodes useless. anakin’s redemption arc? what does it matter now? he didn’t successfully bring balance to the force. he didn’t successfully kill palpatine. and now his entire bloodline is dead. ok cool😎 thank you jj!!!! what a hopeful end to the skywalker saga!!!! i love seeing that anakin failed and wasn’t REALLY the chosen one. i love that luke and leia gave their legacy to a descendant of the guy who tried to tear apart and terrorized their family. that’s really nice. i love that anakin NEVER reached out to help his grandson who struggled with the dark just like he did. but that he came in just in time to tell palp’s granddaughter to rise😍 really hopeful, lovely ending. thanks again jj! thanks for making leia seem like a bad mother who sees visions about her son but just throws in the towel and doesn’t really try to help him?? wtf??? not my princess leia. also tros luke? truly the worst luke. i really have no other words, i’m just disappointed. jj let me down in every single way possible and ones i didn’t even realize he could.

palpatine - jj also managed to ruin the best star wars villain, a feat i didn’t even think possible. palpatine had always seemed scary to me because of his inhuman qualities. but in this one, he’s back with no explanation whatsoever. he just is. he somehow managed to survive (ok🙄) and furthermore he had a kid. what in the fuck? jj clearly read harry potter and the cursed child, but he clearly also forgot to read the reviews. NOBODY LIKES IT WHEN THE PREVIOUSLY UNTOUCHABLE/SCARY VILLAIN HAS A KID OUT OF NOWHERE. NOBODY. i seriously spent the entire movie wondering who the heck would sleep with him? that’s it. he didn’t seem menacing or at all like a threat. this movie genuinely had no stakes whatsoever (that’s why ben’s death feels so out of left field bc literally for what?! but i digress) also the final “fight” where rey kills him??? very lame. he supposedly survived all those years to be taken out like that?? no thank you, i’d like a refund.

in conclusion, thank you to jj for ruining my favorite franchise by killing off every last one of my favorite characters, destroying the skywalker legacy (& killing them off), ruining seriously every character, and leaving me with despair!!! while i’ll continue to watch star wars without including episode 9, it sucks that some of my joy is zapped from my favorite series. because this is how future generations will know star wars. with this shitty ending. and any future movies will have this canon. and that really fricking sucks. thanks, i hate it.

anyways feel free to message if you’re also in the depths of despair about how this all ended!! bc the more i think about it, the sadder/angrier i get.

[jbk405]

Okay, approaching "The Rescue” more seriously and not just FREAKING THE FUCK OUT, I really have to applaud the way they handled tension and escalating threats.

Our characters are, by any measure, as close to the cream of the combat crop as you can get.  The two top bounty hunters in the galaxy, the most notorious hitwoman, a former elite guerilla soldier, and two Mandalorians who have spent decades fighting an ongoing war against the Empire.  The thought that Stormtroopers -- any number of Stormtroopers -- could pose any sort of threat to them when they have the initiative is almost laughable, and the show treated it that way.  Their invasion of Gideon’s ship was a steamroll.  They were never pinned down, never outflanked or surprised, never so much as inconvenienced by the opposition as they made their way to the bridge.  When Cara Dune’s gun jammed all she did was beat people with it until she got it working, and even that didn’t actually stop their progress.

I heartily approve of this because anything else would have smacked of cheap drama.  With what we’ve already seen these same characters do in previous episodes, I wouldn’t have believed any real difficulty.  I would have rolled my eyes and maybe glanced at my phone because an attempt to wring drama out of “Oh no, will the 32nd stormtrooper they face somehow do a better job than all the rest they’ve already killed?”  I know they’re going to win, and since the show doesn’t pretend otherwise I get to enjoy the characterization and choreography of their fight.

But then came the Dark Troopers, who were sold as solid menace.  Their startup sequence was imposing, the soundtrack malevolent, and since we’d never actually fought them before (And therefore never seen them defeated) we think “Okay, these guys can play”.  Their slow, steady motion also really helped sell their presentation as unstoppable juggernauts.  They don’t need to rush or run, because it doesn’t matter.  We see the one Trooper beat the hell out of Din as the others methodically beat down the doors with their bare hands.  Din just barely managing to flush them into space before they breach shows his desperation, but also his cleverness, and doesn’t turn them into sudden canon fodder after the one single tough fight.

Then, once the Dark Troopers have been dealt with, we return to an enemy that we know is going to lose.  Moff Gideon may have the Darksaber and be eeeeeeevilll, but he’s also a sixty year old desk jokey.  We’ve never seen anything to indicate that he’s a Secret Ninja Master or Former SpecOp, so when he faced off against Din he was good, and it was a good fight (Very well done), but again there was never a moment of “OH NO HOW WILL DIN POSSIBLY SURVIVE THIS ONE?”  With Din’s experience and motivation, combined with his armor which actually blocks lightsabers, we knew Din was gonna win.  Which is why this wasn’t the climax of the episode, because this victory doesn’t serve as the capstone of the episode.

Because that’s when the Dark Troopers return, and again it is solid menace.  No wisecracks, no clever plans, the characters just bunker down and are clearly expecting to die in minutes.  Again, the Troopers move slowly, methodically, and as a benefit of being droids they also do it in complete silence except for the thump of their feet and the bang of their fists on the blast doors.  It all sells the thought that this is it.  And now we’re not saying “Of course the good guys are going to win,” we’re wondering “How can the good guys possibly win?”

And that is when Luke Skywalker walks in and changes the fucking game.  Because for Luke Skywalker, Jedi Knight, these tinpots are less of a threat than the Stormtroopers were for the main characters.  Like I said in another post, he walks through them.  Barely even needing to make an effort.  And because of how well the Dark Troopers had been presented, how clearly we saw that they were death on two feet, that makes his effortless victory so much more impactful.  Now we see just how it is that the Jedi have so often held the fate of the galaxy in their hands.

The episode introduced all the threats at their appropriate levels so we believed each and every fight, and when it jumped up a notch we believed it.

[mst3kproject]

The Star Wars Holiday Special

Happy Holidays, MSTies!  Your present is Episodes that Never Were are back!  Remember last year, when I said Elves was so bad I wished I’d watched the Star Wars Holiday Special instead?  Let’s find out what those words taste like.

The galaxy may be in the midst of a rebellion, but Chewbacca promised his family he will be back for Life Day, and god damn it, he’s gonna get there!  He and Han Solo dodge Imperial forces and asteroid fields on the way, but the real danger may be waiting for them at home, as Stormtroopers do a treehouse-to-treehouse search for rebel sympathizers.  It won’t be much of a holiday if Chewie arrives home only to be immediately arrested!

That sounds exciting, doesn’t it?  It even sounds like it could be made to mean something. There is perhaps a point here about inter-ethnic empathy – Life Day may be a Wookiee holiday, but Chewbacca’s alien friends still know how important it is to him and they’re gonna help him keep his promise.  We could also compare it to Santa Claus Conquers the Martians.  In that movie, the Martians want to celebrate Christmas but aren’t particularly interested in what it means.  They get all their information about it from pirated television and from children who don’t understand anything much more than ‘free stuff’.  We didn’t give Christmas to them, they literally stole it by kidnapping Santa.  In the Holiday Special, the Wookiees are sharing their cultural traditions with outsiders who have become part of their family – Leia’s speech at the ends notes the humans’ respect for this.

But none of that’s relevant, because this is just a bad 70’s variety hour in a Star Wars costume.  We don’t get to see claustrophobic scenes of our brave heroes hiding from the Storm Troopers.  We don’t get sweeping space battles or bickering robots or weird new planets… we don’t get anything we go to see Star Wars for.  Instead, we mostly watch the Wookiees sitting around their house passing the time as they wait helplessly for Chewbacca to get home.  This could have been neat in itself if Wookiees had an interesting culture, but they live in a Mod 70’s Treehouse and seem to spend most of their time watching television.  The brief opening sequence, in which Solo and Chewie outrun their pursuers in the Millennium Falcon, is just a tantalizing offer of chocolate on the tip of a giant turd.

The actual point of the show, as far as the people who produced it were concerned, was the various little musical numbers and comedy sequences along the way, some of which are more Star Wars-themed than others.  Most of these are presented as one or other of the characters watching them on some form of television, which often doesn’t make any sense.  The sequences themselves are usually not very well-presented and a lot of them are just downright boring, so let’s go through them one by one. Top up your eggnog, folks.  We may be here a while.

Our first setpiece is a holographic circus featuring jugglers and acrobats, which the adults use to distract Lumpy so he’ll stop bothering them ��� like parents at the mall letting their kids watch Paw Patrol on a tablet while they shop.  When you see televised circus acts, they’re usually filmed up close and at interesting angles, to heighten the sense of danger, and give you a good look at what’s going on.  The Star Wars Holiday Special presents it as tiny figures on a table, always shot from far away and looking down, which removes all the drama from the stunts.  Lumpy enlarges a figure, but it’s only the ringmaster.  The others remain tiny, all while this little Wookiee looms over them like a kaiju that will start stomping if it isn’t entertained.

Then we get Mark Hamill’s cameo (in which he looks weirdly like one of the puppets from Invaders from the Deep), followed by Malla’s attempt to cook Bantha Surprise by following the directions on a tv show.  I’m not very interested in cooking shows anyway, but I have a hard time imagining anybody being interested in a fake cooking show featuring fictional ingredients from other planets.  What we see on Malla’s screen comes across as a sort of parody, but not actually a funny one. I’m tempted to think Harvey Korman must have been making fun of some particular 70’s cooking show maven but I don’t begin to know who that might be.

The ‘humour’ of the sequence is supposed to come from Malla’s attempt to follow the directions even though the cook on the show has four arms and Malla only two.  I could pull some commentary on ableism in cooking and cooking shows out of this, but it would be a stretch, and nobody on the writing end was thinking about it that hard.  It’s just stupid, and so is Korman’s plastic wig.  Malla eventually turns it off in frustration, long after we’re tired of listening to it.

By the way, if you’re wondering whose stupid idea it was to set the whole thing on Kashyyyk (or, as a guy in the Special calls it, Kazook) and not have any subtitles to the Wookiee’s dialogue?  That was apparently 100% George Lucas.  The actual script and everything was in the hands of the television producers, but Lucas would not budge on the premise being Wookiee-centric.  At least he exorcised that particular demon here, instead of subjecting us to it on the big screen.

Anyway, next Art Carney drops by to deliver some Life Day presents, among which is the source of our next setpiece: a VR machine which reads Itchy’s mind to present a personalized fantasy!  This takes the form of Diahann Carroll in a sparkly feather wig, singing a song and saying things like “I am your fantasy, experience me!”  The song is okay, I guess, and Carroll has a lovely voice, but what we’re seeing is basically a boring music video.  She’s just standing there on a glittery black background, and we can’t forget that she’s singing to a geriatric Wookiee who is doing the Wookiee equivalent of jacking off to this (emphasized by the appearance of literal little swimmers in part of the sequence!).  The fact that it’s a personal fantasy plucked from his subconscious makes it feel like this was something we weren’t supposed to be privy to, like we’re looking through somebody else’s computer at his girlfriend’s nudes.

Princess Leia (also looking disturbingly puppet-like… are we sure the actual actors appeared in this, and not look-a-likes in heavy makeup?) and C3P0 get their cameo, and then there’s the single actually effective moment in the Special.  This is when we think Han Solo and Chewie are about to arrive home, ending our torment a full hour early, but no, it’s the Storm Troopers!  This bit isn’t fantastic, but it does work.  Then, sadly, we’re on to the next variety act.

This is a holographic music video which Carney shows to the Imperial troops as a demonstration that the device he has brought Malla for Life Day is harmless.  It’s Jefferson Starship moaning out a rock song, in which I can understand at best one word in three.  The visuals are in intense soft-focus that’s probably supposed to be artsy.  The costumes (what I can see of them) aren’t any more Star-Wars-y than anything else bands wore in the 70’s.  And the song sounds like something you’d find in the ‘easy’ setting on Rock Band.  Why does Black Helmet sit there and watch the whole thing when he’s supposed to be searching every house on Kashyyyk/Kazook for rebel sympathizers?

The version of the Special currently available on YouTube, which tragically lacks the commercials, has a lot of comments along the lines of this is what you hallucinate after buying Death Sticks from that guy on Coruscant.

To drive the point home, the next thing we see is Lumpy watching a cartoon about Han Solo and Chewbacca crash-landing on an ocean planet while searching for a mystical talisman that makes things invisible (I wish they hadn’t actually shown this object – then I could have made jokes about it being the One Ring).  This sequence is generally regarded as the best thing in the Special, and it introduced Boba Fett and provided some characterization for him.  It is definitely true that this is the only segment with a plot, and with its weird aliens and grubby outposts it feels a lot more like Star Wars than anything else going on here.

The main thing that keeps me from enjoying this segment is that it just looks weird.  The animators use exaggerated squash-and-stretch on the droids, even more so than on the living characters, which makes them look like they’re made out of jell-o. Princess Leia looks like something out of a cheap 60’s manga and Luke like he was drawn by a twelve-year-old based on an action figure that wasn’t actually of Luke Skywalker.  Luke has no pupils, which is very distressing, but not as distressing as when C3P0 blinks.  Even worse, as far as I can tell Han Solo has no eyes at all.

The design of the alien planet in this sequence is pretty cool, though.  It appears to be entirely covered in a kind of goopy ocean and the creatures that live in it are neat-looking, even if not terribly plausible.  Animation is really a great medium for fantasy and science fiction, because it levels the playing field: we’re not thinking about the special effects because everything on screen looks equally unreal.  This is something Disney, who used it to such beautiful effect in Lilo and Stitch, totally forgot at just about the same time as they acquired the rights to Star Wars.  Oh, for what could have been.

I want to note here that the average review on this blog is about as long as what you’ve read so far.  We’re only about two thirds of the way through the Special, though, and I can’t really divide a holiday review up into two weeks.  Therefore, consider this your permission to take a break and go snag another latke or whatever you’re snacking on, and then we’ll continue.

There’s one fun bit of background social commentary in the animated sequence, too: the only way for humans to survive the virus is to hang them upside-down so their brains will get enough oxygen despite their weakened hearts.  In the city there’s an advertisement for the cure – and the upside-down human pictured in the ad is, of course, a woman in her underwear.  The image isn’t detailed and it’s not the focus of the shot, so I don’t think it’s an actual piece of gratuitous cheesecake.  Apparently somebody at Nelvana Ltd was just salty about the advertising industry.

The self-contained story in the cartoon makes sense within itself. It justifies Fett’s fearsome reputation far better than anything in The Empire Strikes Back or Return of the Jedi, and the characters seem to be in-character even when they’re off-model.  The problem is with it as a part of the framing story about the Imperial troops searching Chewbacca’s house!  The Special is very explicit that this is not something that’s actually happening in the real world at the same time as the other events – it is a cartoon Lumpy is watching on TV.  Why, in a galaxy controlled by the Empire, would there be cartoons using the real names of real rebel operatives and presenting them as the heroes?  If nobody’s supposed to know Boba Fett is connected with the Empire, why does the show blow his cover?

More importantly, where can I get one of those awesome giant stuffed Banthas Lumpy has in his room?  I don’t know if that’s a real toy that was available in the late 70’s, but Comic Images does make something similar and you can buy them at Wal-Mart or Toys R Us.

While cleaning up the mess the Stormtroopers made of his room, Lumpy watches an instructional video of how to put together some kind of radio. This features Harvey Korman as an android who keeps getting jammed.  Like cooking shows, instructional videos aren’t very interesting unless you’re trying to follow the directions – since we can’t follow the directions, this one is pointless to begin with.  The ‘joke’ is not funny, and lines like “every one of the ten thousand terminals on your circuit breaker module is a different colour” might be amusing when written down but they just don’t work when somebody says them aloud.  Fortunately, it doesn’t last long.

Then we get on to what’s probably the second-best thing in the Special, the bit where we learn that the Mos Eisley cantina is owned by Bea Arthur.  It would be easily the most expensive thing in the Special were it not made up of b-roll footage and re-used puppets from Episode IV.  It’s also kind of got a plot, in that a guy with a baking soda volcano on top of his head (this is certainly an efficient way to get the alcohol directly to your brain) is trying to confess his love to Bea while she just wants to get on with running her business.  Eventually he gets his heart broken and leaves, and then the Empire shuts the bar down, so Bea throws everybody out with a song.

I have to admit, in The Force Awakens when Han Solo mentioned a female friend who ran a ‘watering hole’… there was a moment there when I was half-expecting it to be Bea Arthur’s character.  I’m relieved that it wasn’t, but also just the slightest bit disappointed.  We had to wait for The Mandalorian to get a proper Holiday Special callback.

This bit almost had a chance to say something with its ‘thwarted romance’ plot.  Usually such a thing in a tv show would get what the male character would consider a happy ending.  He would prove to his love interest that being cared for is important, she would realize that love is better than money, and they would metaphorically ride off into the sunset.  What it looks like we’re going to get here instead is something more like the episode of South Park where Butters fell in love with the Hooters waitress. Harvey Korman’s character (yes, he plays three different characters in this Special and this was apparently supposed to be a selling point) realizes his crush is based on a misunderstanding, and while it makes him sad, he’s not going to be an asshole about it.

Nor is Bea’s character vilified for rejecting him, which she does tactfully but firmly, as if she’s gone through this many times before. He’s just a minor annoyance in her day before she goes on to worry about bigger problems, like getting everybody to obey that Imperial curfew.  Then, however, at the last second he pops up from behind the counter after everybody has left – and that’s where the segment ends.  I think we’re supposed to assume they got together after all, but I kind of hope she just threw him out with the rest of them.  No means no, damn it.

Bea Arthur’s Go Home Song is to the tune the Cantina Band was playing in Episode IV, so it pretty much goes without saying it’s the catchiest piece in the Special.

Then, finally, it’s time to celebrate Life Day!  The Wookiees hold up some glowing Christmas balls, then dress in red robes and walk through outer space into a, uh, wormhole, I guess, that takes them to the base of the giant tree from Avatar.  There it’s time for our final setpiece, the culmination of this whole ninety-minute ordeal… Princess Leia sings!  The Life Day Carol is to the tune of the main Star Wars theme, and the lyrics sound like something from a generic Christmas album you get free if you buy three cards at Hallmark.  Carrie Fisher is a decent singer but she looks like she’s as glad this is over as we are.

Much like Howard the Duck, The Star Wars Holiday Special is a production in which they made all the worst decisions they possibly could.  Focusing on the Wookiees at home rather than following Han Solo and Chewbacca through the action killed the whole thing at the starting gate.  Then that plot is nothing but a frame on which they can hang the various variety acts, and none of those are very good.  It’s only towards the end of the sequence that what we’re seeing even has anything to do with Star Wars.  Watching it is an ordeal on the order of an un-riffed Coleman Francis film.  It’s so bad, it’s not even something people get together and watch like they do Manos or The Room.

So why do we still have it?  The Holiday Special was only broadcast once, and was met by fathomless loathing from critics, Star Wars fans, and ordinary people alike. It has never been released in any other format (Andrew Borntreger of badmovies.org has a story about how Lucas had him thrown out of a Q&A panel for asking if it were getting a DVD release), so the fact that you can find it on YouTube today is down to some nameless hero who recorded it on their newfangled VCR back in 1978.  That person then showed it to friends, apparently on the basis of oh my god, you guys, this is so bad, you have to see it, and then because misery loves company they copied it to show to their friends. What we have today is copies of copies of copies of copies, like fragments of Sappho only with VHS artefacts instead of holes in the papyrus (and without the artistic vision).

Humans like to preserve remarkable things.  Sappho we’ve preserved because it’s remarkably good, but the Star Wars Holiday Special we preserve because it’s remarkably bad.  Lucasfilm has tried very hard to stamp it out.  George Lucas himself has said that if he could he would gather up every copy that exists and smash them with a sledgehammer… but we won’t let him do it. We keep copying the Special and passing it along, in a way that’s very familiar to MSTies in particular.  We’re circulating the tapes!  Why this tape in particular?

I don’t claim to know, but my working theory is that it keeps us humble.  We are a species that can produce great things when we put our minds to it.  We landed on the moon.  We eradicated smallpox.  We built the Taj Mahal and the Sagrada Familia.  We wrote The Romance of the Three Kingdoms and the Einstein Field Equations and the aforementioned works of Sappho.  But for all that, we are also capable of throwing the same kind of effort into creating utter disasters – and the Star Wars Holiday Special is the rare example of an unmitigated disaster that didn’t actually hurt anybody.  It reminds us to take a step back and look at what we’re doing without getting too invested in it, but does so while being harmless and at times humorous.

Would I still rather watch this than Elves?  You bet your shaggy Wookiee ass I would.  The Star Wars Holiday Special may be longer, but it doesn’t leave nearly such a bad taste in my mouth.

I will leave you with this: the Special was, as I mentioned, only broadcast once, in 1978 – that means its signal is now forty-one light years from Earth and still going.  There are several hundred stars within that bubble, around two dozen of which are known to have planets.  Somewhere out there, aliens might be getting their first signal from humanity right now and it’s the Star Wars Holiday Special.

[dontdowhatisayandnobodygetshurt]

I still cannot fucking BELIEVE the amount of people that were stupid enough to say that Kylo fucking Ren was “the most interesting and unique character” in the new trilogy. Literally how stupid do you have to be to fully believe that when Finn is RIGHT. THERE. A stormtrooper who broke through lifelong brainwashing out of sheer force of his own kindness, who was overcome with fear from the life he left and wanted to run away, only to instantly change his mind when he realized his new friend was captured and needed his help, a stormtrooper who has the power of the goddamn Force, a character who is so purely good and wonderful and fucking interesting, something we have never seen before, and you’ll call Kylo. fucking. Ren. the most compelling character (we’ve seen the good guy who actually wasn’t ever that good in the first place join the bad side trope so many fucking times and you’ll STILL call him unique just because he’s a white evil guy who gets away with being an abusive dick and you identify with him. the cheap somehow worse Anakin knock off. who is the literal parallel of a NEO. NAZI. FUCK.)

[elmidol]

Unnecessarily Cruel (NSFW)

Three Blind Tooke Part One Resistance is Futile

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Warnings: noncon, dubcon, coercion

Three Blind Tooke Part One: Resistance is Futile

Chapter Six:Unnecessarily Cruel

Long ago, I locked myself in a tower; Yet there still he came, claiming to be my hero. What he wanted was fame and control; He cared nothing at all for my wishes.

You had remained perfectly still when his lips were on yours, when he swiped his tongue along your bottom lip without thrusting it into your mouth. Kylo Ren had then drawn back, replaced his helmet, and stood. He waited approximately one minute longer before ordering you to stand. Still dazed from the kiss, you started to obey without question. You would have expected something rougher from him, something such as teeth clashing together. He preceded you towards the building. Once the two of you had entered, an officer approached the Force user.

“Sir, the prisoner has not broken yet.” You tensed at the words, your knees locking. A sudden dizzy spell threatened to overtake you, however you managed to place your hand against the wall to keep from collapsing.

“I see.” Kylo Ren turned so that he was looking in your direction. You were ready to spring, your heart starting to race—one of your comrades were being held prisoner, and you wanted more than anything to free them. Before you could do anything, however, Kylo Ren waved a hand before your face, and you blacked out.

You awoke to find yourself on a bed that was familiar to you. Your arms were chained above your head to the headboard. You pulled yourself into a sitting position with the aid of those restraints. You were not certain how long you had been unconscious, nor did you know how much more time passed until a stormtrooper entered the room. You perked up, watching his every action. You wished you would have still been passed out when he emptied fresh ashes into the canister. Apparently the prisoner had broken, had given them what they wanted—had become useless as a living being. Just another part of Kylo Ren’s collection.

To think that that monster had kissed you! That it had slipped your mind, even for a millisecond, that he was a monster, that you were intended to slay him.

Said creature entered his quarters shortly after the stormtrooper exited. You turned away from him, feeling your stomach roiling. You wished you could vomit; the urge was there, however it was not quite strong enough. You had come to expect such sick acts from him. That you knew of his previous identity—the fact that this was the general’s son—only disturbed you further. In many ways, what sickened you the most was that, at current, you were defenseless to stop him.

“When do you plan on adding me to that pile?” You observed him in your peripheral. The man set his hand in the ashes, scooping up some then allowing them to sprinkle back into the collection.

He chuckled. “This is but a part of my collection.” You gagged, and Kylo Ren looked in your direction. He took two steps towards you. “You’re so quick to choose death in the face of the First Order. Such loyalty is wasted on the Resistance—it won’t succeed.”

“You’re wrong.”

“Am I?” You hissed out a yes! as he turned on his heel and headed for the closet. He withdrew a few items, tucking them into a small bag before walking over to the bed. “It will be interesting to see how well you thrive in the cold.”

“Wh…what?”

“The first of the Resistance to know about it… You should feel honored. You will be given warmer clothes before we depart for Starkiller.” You felt a sense of dread upon hearing the name. It was nothing the Resistance had ever even hinted at. By the sounds of it, Starkiller was one of the First Order bases. Perhaps their main base. You clenched your hands into fists. “Don’t fight it—when they give you the sedative.”

“Why? Will you hurt me if I do?” you snapped.

“Yes.” Passionless, matter-of-fact. You withered, averting your gaze and feeling a tightening in your chest.

Within an hour, you were bundled in several layers of clothing, which took you aback. You had no time to question it, however, before you were given the sedative. It knocked you out, and when you next awoke you knew that you had slept through the entire journey. The first thing that hit you was that, despite the layers of clothing as well as the blanket you were under, you still felt a chill. The second was that the room looked quite similar to the previous. Kylo Ren apparently did not have a fondness for décor. Another canister of ashes. Another chair, in which the man was seated. The bed you were on. But then there it was; easily recognizable was the helmet of Darth Vader. Your eyes were glued to it for several seconds before you attempted to move. You paused, looking down at your wrists then your ankles. No chains. They did not fear you escaping from Starkiller.

That told you plenty. If there were no chains on you, there were probably numerous guards. This base, undoubtedly, was larger than the previous. Perhaps it was their main base, which further crushed your spirit.

“You look so frightened, tooke,” Kylo Ren said in what could almost be constituted a whisper. Your wide eyes returned to the chair, to him. “A splinter cell of the Resistance… It’s no wonder you hardly had contact with the general, that you did not receive your mission from her.” He stood, crossing the room to the remains of Vader’s helmet. “And now the First Order has eliminated that cell—save for you.”

“They’re…they’re all dead?” Everyone you had trained with, suddenly gone.

“A greater threat than other cells of the Resistance… Naturally our resources would be used to exterminate such a threat. You are the only to have clung to life.”

“How long have you been hunting the cell?”

“Three months ago, a prisoner revealed that there was such a cell. It took another two weeks before we learned how to lure you.”

“The prisoner who… whose ashes you added to… You learned of our main base from that prisoner? The base of the splinter cell.” He inclined his head in a brief nod. “That’s what you planned to get from me…when you were digging in my head. Back when you…when you learned that I had never…done anything…isn’t it?” Another nod, a step towards you. You tensed on the bed, the heels of your feet digging into the mattress.

“Your kills were the reason it became pertinent for the First Order to hunt you…” He tilted his head to the side. “I hadn’t realized we were holding such an important piece when I first had you.” Once he had learned your identity, however, you assumed that was the point when he had become sexually aroused with the idea of breaking you. “You’re crying.” There was a tinge of disbelief in his voice.

You stared at the blankets as you responded to what he had said last. “My comrades were killed… Why wouldn’t I cry?”

“So passionate,” he said. There was a certain level of annoyance; his distaste of compassion was evident once more—especially for enemies of the First Order. He began to disrobe. You glanced his way twice, however predominately kept your gaze on the mattress as you allowed your tears to flow. Keeping in the emotion would only give you an unnecessary headache, which was something you would not want to deal with. In some ways, you were baffled that he could endure the cold as he was, wearing only pants. These, too, he dropped into a pile along with his helmet. “Remove your clothes.”

You swore in the back of your head, yet began to move to obey immediately. You were in no mood to deal with arguing with him, to worry over whether or not he was going to take control of your actions with his mind tricks so that you had absolutely no say. You peeled off each layer while also wrapping the blankets around your body. Kylo Ren smirked. He watched each of your actions with hungry eyes, but did not advance on you until the final layer—your bra and panties—were thrown onto the floor. At that point, he slipped into bed with you.

Your eyes darted to his collection of ashes. Once more were you wondering when you would join your comrades there. Kylo Ren’s lips found your jawline. You shuddered when he nipped your ear. Had it been anyone else, you would have found the gesture rather affectionate. With him, you couldn’t help but think it possessive.

“How many times did you have me in your sights, tooke?” You stared up at the ceiling as his tongue flicked out, teasing your jaw. You pressed your lips more tightly together. His breath hit against your face when he sighed. “Always waiting for the perfect shot—I know you’re patient.” You met his eyes with that. “This isn’t something you can wait out though, tooke. You are no longer beneficial to the Resistance.”

“I’m certainly not still alive to simply occupy your bed,” you snapped, earning a grunt from him. “Give you a cheap fix so that you can pretend you’re more than a monster.”

“You’re still crying.” He lifted a hand to your face, brushing aside a handful of your tears with his thumb, which he then slipped into his mouth. You wrinkled your nose and curled your lip in disgust. “You never seem to give up.” You made a noise in the back of your throat that was borderline annoyance. Kylo Ren chuckled, rolled onto his back, and pulled you atop him. Your chest was flush with his; due to the cold, you did not exactly mind this in terms of feeling his body heat. “One of the first I could consider a worthy foe.”

“Was that a backwards compliment?” you asked, your eyes scanning his face, which had betrayed nothing. His mouth covered yours in the briefest of kisses. You ran your tongue over your lips when he drew back. “Are you using kindness to attempt to break me, creature?” Kylo Ren gripped your hips, bucking up into you and running his cock along your outer lips. You could feel both his body and yours responding to the friction. You splayed your hands against his chest, tucking your face between them. “You’re so cruel.”

“Are you hungry, tooke?”

“That isn’t what I mean.” You could not help but smell his scent, which was, annoyingly enough, familiar to you. Its familiarity caused it to have a relaxing effect on you. You turned your head to the side, laying your ear against his chest. You could hear his heart beating. “You would make me have sex with you after revealing that my…that all of them were killed?”

“The spoils of war,” he said, once more bucking up into you. You could feel his cock hardening, and you pressed more firmly against his chest as you lifted your head.

“Every time I start to think that maybe you are human, you prove me wrong.” His actions stopped immediately. Kylo Ren trailed a hand up the length of your body so that he could cup your face. His brown eyes searched yours. “You’re unnecessarily cruel.”

“I won’t allow you to harm me, tooke,” Kylo Ren said simply. “And the only other form of physical exertion left to you is to fuck.” The fact that he had not used a lesser term caused you some minute amount of comfort; had he attempted to sugarcoat the ordeal, you would have felt the strong urge to smack him—and he had already stated that this would not be allowed. Your lips formed around the word fine, though you did not say it aloud. That would be consenting to the act, whereas you were simply attempting to convey that you had understood his point.

The hand from your face moved to the back of your head. He tugged your mouth down onto his. You did not resist the kiss, nor did you react to it. Kylo Ren hummed then pressed his lips to yours again. You felt his tongue sliding along your lips, searching for a way in. Rather than grant him permission, you released a huff through your nose. He chuckled, repeated the action, and then, when you still did not relent, rested his head firmly against his pillow. He rolled your body off of his, depositing you back to your side of the bed. You laid there, dumbstruck.

Time ticked by, how much you were not certain. “Creature?” No response. You turned onto your side so that you were looking his way. Kylo Ren was lying on his back, his gaze on the ceiling, though you doubted he was paying much attention to it. You were still trying to process the fact that your comrades had all been killed. It made you want to rip out your hair in frustration, to punch the man beside whom you were lying. Your teeth threatened to clatter against one another, so you tightened your jaw. “Creature?” Even to your ears, your voice sounded more desperate. There was an ache in your throat, more tears threatening to form—the fact that you had to seek comfort in your enemy did not sit well with you.

Kylo Ren moved atop you. This time when his mouth lowered onto yours, you did not fight him—and you parted your lips to allow his tongue in. He released a light moan, his tongue delving into your mouth. His hands were on your chest, groping, kneading; and his hips were rocking into yours. You spread your legs, a part of you hating yourself for doing so and the other part knowing this was the only way you could have any chance of so much as touching him. You drew your hands up around his neck, your nails biting into the flesh of his back. In response, he groaned and nibbled your bottom lip. Kylo Ren sucked your lip into his mouth, chewing lightly on it so that it swelled. He ran his tongue along it then once more thrust his organ into your orifice. Your body was reacting to his ministrations, arousal flooding through you.

“Are you trying to draw blood, tooke?” he asked with his mouth mere centimeters from yours. Your eyelashes fluttered as you blinked repeatedly and gave a meek nod. He smirked, wrapped an arm around you, and pulled you onto him as he moved backwards so that he was sitting upon the bed. You obediently shifted your legs so that you were straddling him, not once removing your nails from his back. “To take from me, you must be willing to give.”

It was to remind you who was in control of this situation. You squeezed your eyes tightly closed before pressing your mouth to his and kissing him. His lips worked against yours, his tongue invading your mouth again as your nails dug into his back and his erection pressed into your thigh. You wiggled a little in his lap until you felt him at your entrance. Kylo Ren moaned into the kisses as you lowered yourself onto his cock. A swear left his lips, his hands gripping your hips and forcing you to start riding him immediately. You gulped in air when he took his lips off yours, his mouth moving beside your ear.

“You’re so tight around me, tooke.” A groan escaped him as he swerved his hips in the way he knew furthered your arousal. You moaned, unable to contain the noise. Your nails dug deeper into him, and you at last felt a light warmth, tiny droplets of blood on your fingertips. It was perhaps all he would allow, yet it was something—more than you had yet done. He lowered his mouth to your left breast, taking it into his orifice as his tongue laved your nipple. You whimpered at the delightful waves of pleasure that rippled through you. Leaning forward, you clamped your rubber-capped teeth on his shoulder, knowing that, though you could not cause him to bleed in this manner, there was still a chance you could bruise him.

It was the first time you were, even somewhat willingly, a more active participant when it came to anything sexual, and so your movements were sloppy. You tried to meet his thrusts, however were off; this did not make it any less arousing. His cock stroked you from the inside, and you gasped, at which point Kylo Ren removed his mouth from your breast and once more thrust his tongue into your mouth. You squirmed at the feeling of his tongue worming around inside your orifice. In slight frustration, you moved your tongue against his, attempting to shove it away. He chuckled into the kiss, working your tongue into submission. He had been correct; in a way, this was a physical exertion that could almost be a battle of sorts. You ran a hand up into his hair, fisting some of it and tugging just a little; you knew that if you put in too much effort, he would no longer permit you to act as such.

Kylo Ren shifted once more, laying you on your back and lifting your legs to hook them over his shoulders. You felt yourself beginning to cry again as he pounded into you. You released a ragged breath that ended as a weak sob and brought your hands to your face. Kylo Ren paused, removed your legs from his shoulders, and settled between your legs to allow a more calm experience. You could feel his breath through your fingers. You wrapped your arms around his neck so that you could bury your face against him. He said nothing, which was for the best—you did not want to hear anything from your enemy. To you, he was simply a body all of a sudden. Something to make you feel a force working against you, a force that brought both pain and pleasure.

“Creature,” you whispered as you felt yourself growing closer to orgasm. You felt a slight shift above you, as though he had dipped his chin so that he could look at you. “I hate you.” You sighed as you came, your orgasm weaker than the previous ones he had brought you to.

He grunted as he ejaculated inside of you, his hips stilling while he was still in you. “Tooke.” You did not respond. He sighed, and you felt a pressure on the top of your head. You grit your teeth when you realized that he had kissed you there. It was a comforting gesture—and you wanted none of that from him. You took your arms away from him, pressing your hands to his chest in an attempt to push him away. He did not budge an inch. “You’ve already lost.”

“I…” Your voice caught in your throat. You tilted your head back so that you could look him in the eye. “I’ll never stop.” He pulled back, pulling out of you at last. His expression was passive. To you, it seemed that he did not give any weight to your words. You brushed at the tearstains on your face with the backs of your hands. “You’ll never win, because I will never give up.”

“That is simply you being a fool. You’ve lost already—denying it changes nothing.” His words stung, perhaps deeper than he would ever know. You started to turn away, however he caught your face and turned you back to him. “You’re scrambling to find a way again… Don’t forget what will occur if you do attempt me harm, tooke. That was your only exception. It won’t be repeated.”

“Then just kill me—I won’t stop! I’ve told you that already. I won’t!” You grabbed at his throat, wrapping your fingers around his neck and applying some pressure. You glared at him, baring your teeth as the man kept his mask of stoicism. “I hate you!”

He said your name—your name, not the term of endearment he had been using thus far—and your grip faltered. Your eyes were wide, and you felt as though the wind had been knocked out of you. “So desperate… I won’t kill you.” He grabbed hold of your left wrist, his thumb ghosting over three of your fingers. Your teeth chattered. “Do I need to break them?” You dropped your hands from his neck; feeling, at long last, defeated. “You seem so angry.” You averted your gaze, shifting your eyes so that you were no longer looking at his face. “You should understand, tooke, that I own you.” As though you were nothing more than a materialistic thing. A trophy from his success at destroying your cell, from killing your comrades.

“I do not view you as anything more than a monster.”

“And yet you miss me when I’m not here.” You squeezed your hands into fists. You had nothing to do while he was away other than obsess over what attacks you could execute. Other than wondering if he was attacking one of your allies—always thinking about him. In a way, that could be construed as missing him. Because if he was with you, he was not harming those you loved and cared for. “In this cold, you’re clinging so tightly to me for warmth.” You wanted to unwind your body from his to prove a point, however you weren’t going to cut your nose to spite your face. It was freezing, and given that you were naked, his body atop yours was keeping you warm. “Admit defeat, tooke.”

“I am currently incapacitated, but you’re keeping me alive… The only way you will ever fully win is to kill me.” He sighed then lowered his mouth onto yours. As before, save for the exception of you wanting permission to claw into him, you did not respond. You laid there, stiff and with an expression of disgust. His tongue traced along your lips, but you did not yield.

“Mm… Resistance fighter. Do you want to know how easily your comrades were defeated?” You opened your mouth to curse him, however found his tongue exploring along yours. You went to turn your head, to break the kiss, however his hands were on either side of your face. He moaned, not pulling away until he was satisfied.

“Did you get enough?” you snarled. “Done with your fix?”

“No.” He smirked before kissing you again, continuing downwards, kissing every inch down your body until he arrived between your legs.

You wrinkled your nose when he licked you, his cum and yours entering his mouth. “You’re gross. You’re so gross.” He chuckled and repeated the action. “Stop. I don’t like that.”

“Mm.” He rested his cheek on your thigh, lying his head there. “What do you like, tooke?” He lifted his eyes, staring up at you.

You huffed. “You choking on ashes.” His smirk only grew. He stood from you, walked over to the collection of remains, and grabbed a fistful. You did not know how to react when he returned to his previous position between your legs, when he sprinkled the ashes on your cunt. Kylo Ren locked eyes with you as he leaned forward, his tongue running from your perineum to your clit. It was coated with your juices, his cum, and ashes. He swallowed multiple times to rid his mouth of the ash. “Choke.” Kylo Ren chuckled then, whether intentionally or not, he coughed a single time on the minute amount of ashes that were still clinging to his tongue. “Now die.”

“I own you, tooke. You are not master here.”

“You are not my master, creature.” To show how much he cared about your words, Kylo Ren resumed licking at you, smearing the ashes down your thighs so that your flesh was darkened. “I am not scared of you,” you whispered. He reached up, pinching three of your fingers, and you tensed. Then squeezed your eyes closed and swore in your head as he released you. With that simple action, he had proven your statement incorrect. “You’re the cruelest thing I have ever known.”

[There’s a maiden in the tower, And there she sings at night to me. She tells me tales of all the lies, And men’s other atrocities.]

[blacklakeinavalley]

Reylo confessions / TRoS personal review upon first watching

"You opened yourself to the dark side for a pair of pretty eyes” - in retrospect this pretty much sums up how my obsession with the Star Wars Sequel Trilogy came into being. I was here for Reylo, Bendemption, and most of all Ben Solo since around TLJ. I could and still can relate to this character’s struggles and find him physically very attractive. That’s basically how it went down.

I had only once watched the OT, a few years before TFA came out. Then, in 2015, friends dragged me to watch TFA (I was like “meh, blockbuster” aka a snob at that time). I was pleasantly surprised though when I found the movie very well-made and entertaining. I did NOT get the Reylo-vibes then but remember strongly identifying with Rey’s fear at the beginning of the interrogation and Kylo’s line “You know I can take whatever I want“ making me shiver. I cheered at Rey for beating Kylo up on Starkiller Base and (joke’s on me for the worst take ever) legitimately left the theater believing him dead because of the explosion of the planet. That didn’t make me sad, but satisfied.

I did not think about Star Wars again until January/February(?) 2017. Another group of friends planned on watching TLJ together and and I browsed the Internet for some critics to read in advance, just out of curiosity. Somehow I ended up watching the interrogation scene on Youtube again and again, the sexual tension between the two I now clearly recognized finally taking my breath away. I discovered skysilencer’s/chandrilasky’s wonderful blog (which doesn’t exist anymore) about Rey’s and Ben’s relationship and generally started reading as many metas on this topic as I could find.

I fell in love with the pairing, and especially the portrayal of Kylo / Ben. Getting to watch TLJ in the theater was a bit disappointing for me though, after having read so many raving reviews on tumblr beforehand. At that time I could not really appreciate the changes in pacing and all the depths and nuances. By now I love this movie. Strangely, I never watch it in one go, only in smaller portions. Maybe an unpopular opinion, but I like TFA just as well. Ironically, the fight on Starkiller Base is still my favorite Reylo scene ever - because there’s so much more going on than “Rey beating Kylo up“. For me, TFA definitely is a lot easier to watch, mostly because of the more conventional pacing, I guess.

Therefore I was quite happy when I heard that JJ Abrams was going to direct episode IX too. I actually never doubted that he had planted the seeds for Reylo in TFA / episode VII. Sadly, TRoS, which I finally went to see with my sweetheart yesterday, left me pretty untouched for the most part. After roughly two years of really looking forward to, actually longing for this day, seeing it was not the experience I had hoped for. This is not to say that the movie per se is only bad.

TRoS spoilers ahead!

I am a sucker for “grounded” speculation and have difficulties to keep away from spoilers. And I’m really invested in Ben Solo’s fate. This led to me reading JediPaxis’ leaks weeks ago and hanging around on this site pretty much non-stop shortly before and since the premier of the movie. When the realization that Ben Solo actually dies (or does he?) kicked in, I went through some kind of mourning that included having difficulties to concentrate, the urge to cry, listening to sad music, and definitely crying a lot while watching a camrip of him finding happiness and then dying in a loop.

And maybe that’s one of the reasons why I couldn’t enjoy the actual movie more. I already knew the whole plot, had seen lots of gifs and had already kind of processed the emotionally challenging stuff, at least to some extent. So I just didn’t feel much, neither surprise, nor joy or grief while watching. Again, joke’s on me for getting myself extensively spoiled and reading about other people’s (negative) reaction to the movie. I didn’t even look forward to seeing it anymore, tbh.

My boyfriend on the other hand, who has seen TFA once and TLJ twice in his life and went into TRoS openmindedly after only a very short recapitulation of what had happened in the previous films, actually really liked it. He found it very entertaining, even surprising and well-made, especially the camera-work. He was all for Rey being a power women, for example when she prevented the transporter Chewie was presumably on from leaving by Force powers (Chewie then being on another transporter, not the one that got destroyed, was a cheap move and sort of a plot hole for him though). He generally sees the whole thing as an action adventure and advocates for not intellectually dissecting it or expecting too much depth out of a Star War. He likes the OT as a casual fan (he was the one to show me the original films in the first place), didn’t like the Prequels at all, was not a fan of TLJ and found TFA okay. We are going to watch TRoS again early in January with friends and he’s looking forward to it. So for him, episode IX is the best sequel film.

What I personally liked about TRoS:

- the very beginning - because Kylo and all the voices in his head, the nightmarish setting of the Sith temple as a representation of (mental) darkness, hopelessness and loneliness ...

- the overall feeling of the Pasaana festival (joy! color! coming together to celebrate!)

- the Poe and Zorri dialogue on Kimiji, because FINALLY a quiet and somewhat thoughtful moment AT LAST

- Finn and Jannah bonding over being former Stormtroopers being another somewhat quiet moment in the movie

- Ben seeing Han in memory actually made me feel SOMETHING

- the scenes of the last battle to end all battles (both Rey/Ben vs Palpatine and Resistance vs First Order) were sort of okay

- somewhat unexpectedly, I also really sympathized with Poe during some moments of the final battle

- the Rey and Ben Solo stuff after his final turn to the light was beautiful and heartbreaking (side note: I like to think that all the Jedi were talking to Ben too as he was rising/climbing from that pit)

- Kylo Ren / Ben Solo is already an icon, thanks to Adam Driver’s amazing acting skills and admireable dedication to this role. And that’s also true for TRoS.

- I actually liked the Resistance base scene after their victory, their immense relieve was so palpable

- the overall visuals of the movie are fine

What I did not enjoy:

- Everything felt so rushed. There’s too much happening in too little time, especially during the first half. The movie just doesn’t take any time to breathe, the effect being that you don’t really get into the story - the exact opposite of what the fast pacing was supposed to accomplish. Maybe less would have been more. Or the movie lasting for 15 minutes longer.

- Probably the worst thing: Most dialogues/lines, especially in the first half, are just super cringey ... TFA and TLJ dialogue never felt like this - or have I just gotten used to their text script over time? I have the small hope though that everything will sound better (at least to me) in English (we had to watch TRoS in German). Kylo Ren talking through his helmet was the worst in that regard, because Adam Driver’s voice is so distinct to me by now that the German voice-over felt 100% out of place and got me super irritated. It was downright painful.

- Very personal opinion: Upon closer look, both TFA and TLJ seem to be about Ben pretty much all the time, and I am all here for it. I did not get the same impression out of TRoS. But maybe that’s just a “recipient as co-creator of a story“ thing and I might be able to construct such a reading also for TRoS over time, after getting to know the movie better.

What really matters to me in the end:

- I am still invested in the character and story of Ben Solo. A movie (TRoS) made me mourn a fictional character, which IS something, even if said character was built to a great extent in previous movies.

- As said before, I enjoy theorizing, analyzing and the quest to better understand stories. And I just don’t want to be mad at the creators already. Ben’s death was painful, but I understand this pain as an invitation to delve deeper into all if it. If in the end the script and plot keep making little sense (which is a real possibility), I will keep to cherishing the parts I liked.

Conclusion:

Yes, I found TRoS very disappointing upon first watching, script-wise way below TFA and TLJ. Very likely it will always feel rushed and badly written to me. Maybe I'll like it even less after watching it again in about a week from now.

But, for the reasons mentioned above, I will probably still give it multiple (undeserved) chances. Because there certainly are good parts in it.

---

Kudos if you’re still here! And sorry for any language mistakes. Please comment, if you feel like it.

[phosphorescent-naidheachd]

I saw TROS earlier today and, well, it was definitely a Star Wars sequel movie, for better and for worse. I can see why some people on my dash hated this movie and why some of them loved it. I can also see why some of them threw their hands into the air over it and shrugged. (FYI, I’m in the third category.) More scattered and spoiler-laden thoughts below the cut:

--“Never underestimate a droid.” This line would have been so much more meaningful if the spy had turned out to be a First Order droid rather than Hux. A droid that had broken free of its programming, just like Finn (and later Jannah and the other unnamed former stormtroopers). But as always, the Droid Revolution that we deserve is probably never going to be a thing, at least not onscreen where it counts.

--Just like TFA, the copy-and-pasting from the Original Trilogy was painfully obvious, but what was forgivable in the first film of a new trilogy is less so in said trilogy’s concluding film. 

--Trần Loan/Rose deserved more screentime and prominence. And did we really have to turn Poe into a former spice runner? Really? *sighs heavily*

--Zorii Bliss felt sort of shoehorned in? I didn’t hate her, but it felt like TPTB only introduced her to give Poe another person to flirt with. And I say this as someone who was not expecting PoeFinn or any other LGBTQIAP+ relationship between named characters to be made canon in this movie at all. Hopefully fans will give her more depth in fic!

--Jannah was really interesting and I would have loved to see more of her. Once again, hopefully fans will take her character and deepen/explore it in fic.

--LANDO! 

--Finn was all but explicitly confirmed as Force sensitive, and it’s What He Deserves. 

--I mean, Finn also deserved his own storyline and a stronger conclusion to his character arc in this film, especially considering he was promoted as one of the leads of the sequel trilogy. But while I’m irked that he was relegated to a side character, I can’t say I didn’t see this coming, especially after TLJ. 

--Likewise, I knew Reyl0 was going to be a thing after TLJ. I found their relationship less grating than Anida1a in the prequels, but it still didn’t do much of anything for me in this film. Do I understand from an objective POV why some people enjoy it so much? Yep. It’s the grand, tortured, Byronic Romance™, where it isn’t really about whether the characters have anything in common or even like each other, it’s about their near-mystical connection and their inability (and lack of true desire) to be rid of it; it’s about the lengths to which they will go for each other/themselves; it’s about the powerful man who is emotionally vulnerable and eager to serve his True Love at the expense of all else. It’s also the whole enemies-to-lovers trope, and so on. I understand the appeal of this mashup intellectually, it’s just not my cup of tea here. YMMV and all that, and that’s as it should be.

--Palpatine back from death is as ridiculous here as it was in the old EU, but I can roll with it. I think the movie made the right decision not to explain all the nitty-gritty details of how he cheated death or manipulated the whole Snoke deal... ultimately, it doesn’t really matter, y’know? Ditto to Rey Palpatine lol.

--Leia’s death felt pretty narratively cheap to me, but I understand that there was only so much TPTB could do with the footage they already had of Carrie Fisher in costume. Still, poor Leia. She drew a deeply shitty hand in life, didn’t she?

--That said, it was nice to see Leia training as a Jedi in flashbacks, however briefly. (Is it just me, or did her saber hilt vaguely resemble Obi-Wan’s?) Does it make a lot less sense that she would then send Ben away to Luke if she’s had Jedi training? Yes. Can I created headcanons to explain this? Also yes. And do I really care about this particular inconsistency when there are far worse ones out there and this one makes dudebro sections of the fandom spitting mad? NOPE.

--I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: I’m not inherently against the redemption of Kylo/Ben. But, as I had suspected/feared, they “redeemed” him at the narrative expense of other characters I personally find more interesting... and they still didn’t manage to make said redemption feel narratively earned to me. Is there undoubtedly ancillary material in SW books and comics that give more background behind Kylo/Ben’s turn to the Dark Side and eventual turn back to the Light? Yes. Do I want to read it? Not really, no. Also, unless something happens onscreen in the SW universe, it doesn’t really count as true canon. So it’s disappointing that the movie shoved other characters and plots to the side to make room for Kylo/Ben’s redemption arc and then didn’t even do a good job with it. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

--Also, of course TPTB had Kylo/Ben die saving someone rather than narratively deal with what it means to work towards redemption after having done lots of terrible things, and having to recover from having been manipulated/groomed by Sidious. Not surprised in the slightest.

--I would have preferred a Stormtrooper Rebellion storyline, but I’m not going to blast TROS or the sequel trilogy for being what it is rather than what I wanted it to be. I will, however, blast it for its sloppy execution of its existing storylines. Which leads to my next point...

--Even though TROS was long, it still felt rushed and, like the first two movies in this trilogy, it felt largely disconnected from the other sequel trilogy films. The Star Wars Story Group really should have planned this trilogy out better. If TPTB were going to go with two different directors/writers, they should have made sure said directors/writers were on the same page rather than seemingly fighting each other’s visions of what the overarching story should be at every step.  

--I’m willing to handwave a lot of stuff that happens in TROS, mainly because I’m long past expecting coherence from this franchise... or pretty much any major franchise, tbh. (For instance: Thousands of people show up to aid the Resistance when Lando calls them but not when Leia did in TLJ? OK. Force Ghost Luke shows up to catch Rey’s lightsaber but not to help her against Palpatine? Sure.) These issues don’t really make or break the series for me, so I can work with them with a minimum of grumbling. Which isn’t quite the same thing as letting TPTB off the hook for their laziness and inconsistencies.

--Honestly, I hate to say it, but it would have made for a stronger story if Chewie had died aboard the ship when Rey and Kylo/Ben were fighting over it; that would have driven home the consequences of Rey’s lack of control and lessened the artificiality of the stakes in this movie. But I get that this is ultimately a family film, so it’s more of a minor quibble than anything else.

--It’s kind of weird that Rey’s hair is back in the three buns again for the entirety of TROS after she wore her hair differently for almost all of TLJ. But that’s a fairly minor quibble too, and one of the sort I can easily create a headcanon to explain. Actually, come to think of it, I wonder if they didn’t do this at least partially to be able to recycle some of the unused TFA clips with Leia and Rey?

--Frankly, I’m not sure why Rey suddenly cared so much about what Luke thought, considering A. he was a huge jerk to her for most of TLJ, and B. she seemed to have broken with following his advice towards the end of TLJ. And since she didn’t have a great relationship with Luke, it seems weird that she’d take his last name. Shouldn’t she have gone with Organa or even Solo, if she’s naming herself after a mentor? But whatever, I get that it’s about the symbolism more than the character or logic. And I can create headcanons to explain all of this.

--It’s a little weird that there wasn’t any more resolution to Kylo/Ben’s storyline and Rey’s feelings about it after his death. But with Leia dead, I guess there isn’t anyone left who’d especially care if Kylo/Ben turned back to the Light aside from Rey herself. Still, there should have been something more. Especially since Ben didn’t show up as a Force Ghost alongside Luke and Leia on Tatooine.

--While I’m at it, I wish we could have had a minute’s conversation with Rey telling Finn about her heritage, if only because I think he would have understood. But I wish we could have learned more about Finn’s heritage (which didn’t need to be a known SW lineage, btw) too, so... 

--For that matter, I wish we could have had Finn get a chance to tell Rey about his being Force Sensitive, which might have made her feel slightly less alone. I wish we could have seen Finn figure out what being Force Sensitive meant to him. And so on.

--Not sure where people are getting the idea that Lando & Jannah were flirting, because I didn’t read their interaction that way at all.

--General Poe and General Finn were great, but also sort of felt unearned after the events of TLJ.

--The abilities that come from being part of a Dyad are overpowered and a little silly, but hey, they’re also following a long-established SW tradition of overpowered silliness, so... *shrugs*

--Confused as to why Rey suddenly killed Kylo/Ben when she did?? I mean, if it was because she was angry Leia had just died, wouldn’t that be acting from the Dark Side and shouldn’t that have, idk, narrative consequences for her?

--I don’t see why some people loved or hated Rey’s ending so much. It’s pretty open, IMO, just like the endings for all of the surviving characters. Who says Rey is going to stay on Tatooine or be alone there, after all? For all we know, she just stopped there for a few days to bury the lightsabers, grieve for Kylo/Ben, and meditate. For all we know, Finn or one of her other friends from the Resistance is going to drop in any moment now. Heck, for all we know, one of her friends is hanging out inside the Falcon where we can’t see them, giving her a little space. (Was her friendship with Finn and Poe depicted pretty shallowly in this movie? Yeah. But so was her relationship with Kylo/Ben tbh, even with the Dyad Force bond thingamajig.) Rey has a whole world of choices available to her. Does it suck that we didn’t get to see that onscreen? Yeah. Does it mean she’s doomed to be eternally lonely as a hermit on a desert planet? Not in the slightest.

--Someone really needs to tell the writers of these big franchises that using ring structure is pointless if there isn’t meaning behind it. There’s nothing inherently significant about repeating events or revisiting locations. 

--Overall, I felt pretty meh about TROS. I didn’t love it or hate it. As with any movie in a series, there’s good stuff to be mined from it, and bad stuff to be handwaved away or given headcanon explanations. But mostly, I just can’t dredge up the energy to care very much. And I’m not in the mood for TROS fix-it fanfiction so much as I am TROS crack fics. 

--I haven’t talked about everything that worked or didn’t work for me in TROS here, but if you have any questions, I’m always happy to answer them to the best of my abilities!

[kamekamelea]

Never tell me the odds

Hello @fezzle! Here’s an early Halloween gift for you for the @b99fandomeventsfall fic challenge! I got super inspired by your prompts and it was hard to choose  one to write but I hope you’re happy with the outcome <3

Special thanks go to @amydancepants-peralta​ for all your precious help with this one! You’re a true angel 💖 And thank you @b99peraltiago​ for your moral support and patience with my rants about this fic 💕

also, it’s super fun to be part of this challenge once again 😊❤

read on ao3 (bc it’s kinda too long for tumblr)

How has she once again fallen a victim to Gina’s trick?

The bet was supposed to be an easy win for Santiago, but somehow Gina managed to outwit her (or rather, as Amy assumed, cheat). And the defeat was bitter. The defeat was Gina choosing a costume for Santiago for the Halloween party held at Linetti’s. Was the result different, Linetti would be forced to go to any nerdy event of Amy’s choice and the latter just briefly wonders if such outcome would make Gina suffer equally. Because Amy’s misery right now is enormous.

The misery being her wearing a Chewbacca costume, of all possible choices Gina could’ve made.

The costume is thick, doesn’t let any air in or out and the smell inside the upper part is overwhelming in the worst sense. But now it’s too late to start looking for a new one, Amy thinks, standing in front of the door to Gina’s apartment and she knows Linetti won’t let her in, her wearing only yoga pants and a t-shirt under her costume. So she follows Rosa inside, her shoulders slumped. Not that anyone would notice in the bush of fake Wookie fur.

There are cheap Halloween decorations all around Gina’s apartment - plastic pumpkins put on every free surface, tacky spiders and bats hanging from door frames and lamps. The cups have skeletons imprinted on them and a big bowl is standing in the middle of the kitchen, filled with a suspiciously looking red jello, which, as Amy assumes, is supposed to look like blood. It’s not sophisticated (what is expected from a students’ party) but Amy admires Linetti’s dedication to decor. In the corner, far back in the living room, stands an occasionally screaming witch, scaring off from time to time those who come closer to the drinks table.

And Amy would love to get drunk as fast as possible but it is not really an option in that suit - it’s hard to walk in it being sober, she can only imagine how worse it would get after alcohol circulating in her system. So she stands in front of the makeshift bar, full of the cheapest beer and wine, with a few bottles of tequila and vodka in the back of it, and contemplates the reasons behind her desperate need to show up here tonight. Why did she oblige to Gina’s stupid terms just for the sake of one party? She doesn’t even like Halloween that much...

Oh, right. Because her private life is a disaster.

She’s nearing the end of college, satisfied with her results - it’s a good feeling to have the highest grades, a scholarship and University authorities’ recognition. Yet at what cost? While going through her university experience, she has kinda forgotten about one important life’s detail - people. And Amy’s been in a weird place recently, getting to know new people becoming harder and harder with age. Her being stuck in a small crowd of friends, people she loved with all of her heart, but even they’ve kept telling her to take some air. A breath of clear air that comes with a new friendship.

However, Amy has always been a bit weird with people, add to it her geekiness and OCD, it really doesn’t create the best combination for being popular. Even if she has never craved for popularity, it also doesn’t help in creating deep bonds with people she keeps close to herself. One of those people being Rosa Diaz, her classmate from high school, with whom she managed to form some kind of meaningful relationship. It was a hard task - Diaz being a human form of a brick wall, and Amy having her own struggles with opening to people - but in the end Amy was over the moon when their friendship developed, reaching a level where the other Latina agreed to become roommates as the time for college came.

And it’s not that she doesn’t like to be around people, no. It’s just that if she was to describe the feeling that overcomes her after spending too much time with an acquaintance she would use the noun discomfort. Because there is always a wall, a wall of politeness and courtesy, that blocks Amy from being her true self around most people. Those are rules of dealing with people and Amy loves to follow rules.

Surprisingly, a weird easiness Amy finds also in Linetti’s company, Rosa’s girlfriend of few months. Even though Gina never noticed Amy in high school (and still doesn’t believe she and Santiago actually attended some classes together, even when she showed her some pictures on the school’s website, always chortling right in her face when Amy brings it up) and only hangs out with her because of one Netflix account Rosa shares with Amy, which forces them to often watch TV together.

And when Gina invited Amy to her Halloween party (after Rosa elbowed her hard in the ribs) Amy thought it might be a good opportunity to step out of her comfort zone. Of course Linetti had to do it her way, coming up with the whole bet idea and again, Amy agreed because if there is one thing she loves more than following rules it’s competition. And she calculated her chances well - doing some calculus of probability is actually one of her hobbies, but somehow Gina, being the sneaky girl that she is, fooled her anyway.

It is a spooky season indeed, Amy thinks, her demons chasing her on this last day of October.

All of a sudden, Amy’s small pity party gets interrupted, as a pair of unknown arms encircles her from behind and an unexpected impact makes her wobble. But the arms are strong and they keep her in place.

“There you are, Chewie! I was worried the Stormtroopers finally got you!” Someone shouts loudly right into her ear and if it wasn’t for the mask, she would have lost her hearing for sure.

The arms let go of her, making it possible for her to turn to the source of the voice, which sounds somehow familiar, even in this noise of a crowded party. Through the small holes which are supposed to be Chewie’s eyes she sees a snippet of an ecru shirt and black vest. What she doesn’t see is a face, so she tilts her head in a weird angle to inspect it. And then a big smile shows, and sparkling brown eyes and a head of messy curls.

Amy knows this face, she just has trouble to match it with a name.

“Come on, Chewie! Don’t you recognize your best friend?!” The smile only grows bigger (if that’s even possible) and for a reason unknown to Amy it makes her blush. God bless the mask.

“Is this supposed to be a Han Solo costume?” she asks, her tone maybe a bit too sharp given he’s been nothing but nice, with this beam of his and friendly attitude. There was no reason whatsoever for her to go into her defensive mode. Her blush deepens.

“Oh, come on! It’s obvious I’m Han - I even have a gun, look!” The man, she still can’t remember the name of, reaches to his back pocket and takes out the tackiest plastic gun she’s ever seen.

She actually chuckles at his attempt to roll the gun on his finger, even if it’s a failed one. “Yeah, so much better now, Han Solo.”

“It’s Jake actually.” He smiles and then it clicks.

“Right, Jake Peralta!” She points her finger at him in a weird satisfactory gesture, excited she managed to finally to remember and only then she realizes how awkward it must have looked.

That’s why she should’ve stayed at home.

Jake’s brows furrow in a confused impression, though the smirk is still there, so she hurries with an explanation. “We went to high school together.”

They did go to the same school, true. And that’s it. They’ve never exchanged a word, him probably oblivious to her existence, but she knew him of course, because who didn’t really? The goofball, school’s clown, his jokes capable to charm even the strictest of teachers. He wasn’t maybe the most popular boy in school, but his personality was just so loud it was catching Amy’s attention, besides she enjoyed watching him interacting with others. He made it look so easy. Just coming by to a random person to chat about nothing in particular and bonding. Never seemed so easy for her. Maybe if he would’ve come up to her, it would have been easy as well? But he never did, so those thoughts are pointless.

(Most of the time he would be wearing that trademark grin of his proudly, but there were times Amy saw him walking in contemplation through a secluded hallway, his gaze wistful and lips pursed and if someone was to actually talk to him, he would put on a smile Amy knew was fake.)

“That’s so cool! Gina invited so many random people, it’s gonna be so nice to see a familiar face. Well, if you decide to finally let go of that mask, Chewie.”

He’s going to be so disappointed seeing a face of yet another stranger.

But she grasps the mask and struggles for a second and only with a slight help from Jake she manages to get it off.

“You probably don’t re...” she rushes to explain but gets interrupted by an excited scream.

“Oh my God, Amy Santiago?! In a Chewbacca costume!”

Jake giggles like crazy, and with his whole body, but Amy doesn’t feel offended by his reaction because the laugh doesn’t sound like a mean one, and it is a hilarious sight of her in that costume. First and foremost though her mind can only focus on one thing now - he knows her name.

His laugh is contagious, so she lets herself to chuckle timidly, and is amazed how easy it is to just laugh with a person she has just met.

“Wow, Amy Santiago, I didn’t take you for a person to wear a Chewbacca costume. I love it.” he says once their giggles die a bit and Amy wishes the mask was still in place to cover the redness of her cheeks.

“Not my choice really. But now that my sweat has mixed with all the sweat of people who wore this costume before me, I don’t even mind it anymore.”

The words leave her mouth and her hand twitches to slap herself for making it the most awkward small talk ever. According to good manners, this is not how you talk to person you barely know. Especially if that person has such mesmerizing eyes and cute smile. Bringing up sweat isn’t a sexy thing to say. Not that she wants to be received as sexy.

(Even if she wanted, it’s hard to accomplish it wearing the most shapeless and fury costume ever. This is like the opposite of sexy.)

“Sounds sexy!” His right brow rises in a funny way as he chuckles but Amy has only half the mind to admire this adorable sight, because the other half is amazed - looks like small talks don’t have to feel weird and forced after all. He must’ve taken her shocked expression as a wrong sign though, because for the first time the smile disappears from his face as he starts to explain. “Just kidding! I’m so sorry, this was so inappropriate. I made it super weird, didn’t I?”

“Super weird is actually my comfort zone, so thank you for finally lowering your standards of social interactions to my level.” It’s actually so true, Amy realizes, and is surprised it was easier to admit it to Jake than to herself for such long time. He takes it though only as a pretty dark joke probably, the beam finding its designated place on Jake’s face again, giving Amy no choice than to reciprocate it.

“You know what would be the coolest thing ever?” Jake suddenly exclaims excitedly. “Us together taking part in the costume contest.”

“What contest?...”

“Gina is holding a competition for matching costumes, since she really wants people to praise her costume idea for her and Rosa.”

“Who are they dressing up as? Rosa refused to tell me when I asked her about the blonde wig.”

“I think she’s supposed to be Portia and Gina’s dressing up as Ellen Degeneres.”

Yeah, Amy can see now why Rosa seemed so uncomfortable in her costume, probably preferring to wear a more gloomy outfit. But, there are worse things people do for love, and Amy is moved by Diaz’s gesture to make her girlfriend happy.

“So, wanna take part?” He prompts further cheerfully. “Being honest, I think it’s a destiny you and I both came wearing Star Wars costumes. And they match in the best way possible!”

Amy doesn’t know what makes her agree eventually, after Jake - a man she doesn’t really know - gives her a countless number of arguments (none of which makes sense) about the brilliance of his idea. She’s of course quick to correct him.

“The form you’re looking for is “brilliantness”. “Brilliance” refers to something exceptionally effulgent.”

He then mocks her know-it-all tone (giving it a weird British vibe), but in a way that makes her laugh, and she willingly indulges into a banter that goes on for a while. And somehow the result of it is her saying yes to that proposition.

Despite the thick layer of the Chewie costume, she feels a spark going through her nerves when Jake grabs her hand to pull her towards Gina, person in charge.

~~READ THE REST ON AO3~~

[tintinwrites]

the stars were made for falling | Poe Dameron x Reader | Part Eleven

A/N: I didn’t write this for a long time and I wrote it yesterday and today like hellooooooooo inspiration

Rating: M

Warning: Smut. Naughty words. Poe Dameron is a big ole jerk but it’s from his trauma and I promise he will right things. Reader is broken and absolutely done.

Word count: 2,796, apparently!!

Summary: You open up to Poe with tears and the two of you have sex on a table in your new base’s dining hall.

Masterlist

GIF credit: I have no idea, but it’s not mine.

Tags: @marvelous-revengers​ @the-lady-of-stars​ @jxhn-mxrphy​ @ella-solei​ @chloe-skywalker​ @itsamedeemoney​ @shakespeareanwannabe​

                                           ----------------------------

Poe wasn’t ‘fixed’ now, but he was looking at you again.

Not really talking to you much more than he already had been, but meeting your eyes was more than you could ask from him in his current mental state.

Your attention was on helping your group find a new base to build upon rather than worrying about Poe or your own complicated emotions for a little bit, grateful to help your general and your friends spruce up an abandoned building on a nowhere planet into something as home-y as you could make it.

It was easy to ignore the hollowness in your chest when you were putting cheap sheets on even cheaper beds.

But then you’d done as much as you could with what limited resources you had and you weren’t able to distract yourself from nightmares of crying Poe and unseeing eyes by putting rooms together.

You stared at your ceiling for a little while then decided you would go to the dining hall and try rearranging the seats like you could possibly make more space out of what little was in there.

Little did you imagine that Poe himself would be sitting at one of the tables, sipping a cup of watered down caf.

You didn’t want to disturb him or honestly rearrange the other tables as he sat there awkwardly silent, and you started to back out of the room slowly.

He said without looking, “It’s fine.”

You thought about maybe running off anyway, but you wanted to rebuild your relationship and that meant you needed to be around him when he allowed it.

But you didn’t sit with him, standing at the table and smoothing your fingers over the back of a worn chair.

“How are you doing?” you asked, trying out nonchalance as if that might push him to open up to you.

“I’m fine.” There went your plan.

“You know you can talk to me, Poe.”

“There isn’t anything to talk about.”

His stubbornness angered you even though you knew he was traumatized and that you needed to be understanding, but you were sure he would be back to his old self again if he opened up to someone.

You thought of when you cried to Leia about Poe not talking about anything and what she had said.

Have you?

Maybe if you talked about yourself, the sullen man in front of you would be inspired to relate to you.

“I’m gonna talk then.” Your bitter tone made him glance up.

“What?”

You placed your hands on the table to look him in the eye as you spoke, “Their punishment for me was to put me in a cell by myself with no sight of another human being aside from a stormtrooper’s hand putting food in my cell. I probably couldn’t tell you how many days I was alone wondering what they were doing to you or if they’d taken the others yet. I think about you letting yourself get beat to offer me comfort all the time and it kills me. I used your little trick of imagining myself in a different place all the time, but it doesn’t work for me now. I almost gave up when they showed you my uniform and you wept for me. I think I bonded with General Hux and I think he wanted to make me his bride or something crazy. And what kills me most of all—”

There nearly had been a smile on your face as you said all the things weighing you down out loud, until then.

Empty eyes flashed in front of your tear-filled ones and you took a little step back, no longer looking at Poe now. Sobbing softly, “Hux wanted me to prove my loyalty. He brought in this...she was completely innocent. She didn’t deserve to die for us. But he would’ve killed us both if I hadn’t proved my loyalty to the First Order.”

Poe’s brow furrowed slightly, almost concerned.

“And they forced me— no. I shot her myself. I was too wrapped up in getting us both out of there that I shot an innocent person in cold blood to save myself. My dreams are filled with her eyes, they were staring at nothing and there was nothing in them. I never stop thinking about her and I will never forgive myself for selfishly taking her life. I should’ve let them kill me, but I couldn’t let them kill you.” For a moment you didn’t care if Poe pushed you away; you fell to your knees and buried your head and arms into his lap, weeping softly.

“Y/N—”

“I don’t know if I’m good anymore. How can I be? I killed her. She looked at me with hope and I killed her.”

“You said yourself they would’ve killed us.”

Poe’s words seemed more like matter-of-fact than gentle whispers, but his hand did hesitantly stroke through your hair in an attempt.

A kind touch from him made you weep harder against his thigh.

The two of you stayed like that until your crying quieted down and you pressed your cheek into his lap, staring emptily.

You didn’t pay much mind to him not revealing any of his pain to you.

“I want to go back to when all this didn’t happen. I want to erase it or...”

“Erase it?”

“I want you to be you again...I want to laugh with you...and talk with you...and fall in love with you…”

“Mm…”

There was a moment of silence where you gazed up at him in thought, seeking kindness in your vulnerable state. “I wanna kiss you.”

You gripped onto his knees to pull yourself up, climbing into his lap.

And you kissed him; the gentlest little press of your lips to his as neither of you moved.

He stared at you when you pulled away from him, then his eyes flickered to your lips and he leaned forward to take them in a slightly more passionate kiss.

You remembered that night in the pilot’s seat when he called you beautiful and you needed each other then and there.

It’d been a bit since you’d really thought about that night with him and now it was all you could think about, if only since there was this tension in the air that said you needed each other here and now.

You kissed each other again then again, more passionate until Poe slipped his tongue into your mouth and you moaned wantonly against his lips.

He gripped tight to your thighs and sat you on edge of the table, pulling the hem of your shirt out of the shorts you slept in.

Your arms lifted to let him take off your top and then your hips to allow him to pull off your shorts, and his eyes raked over you when you spread your legs for him.

His hand moved between them instantly and stroked over your folds, fingers searching for your clit which he found expertly and rubbed little circles there.

But then he stopped touching you there as you were bucking into his hand.

He pushed one finger into you and then a second one with the knowledge of how much your pussy could fit, pumping them fast and hard much to your delight.

One hand gripped tight to his shoulder and the other grabbed onto his hair, your hips arching with every rough thrust of his fingers and every tingling brush of his thumb over your clit.

You realized you were moaning when you were practically crying out, about to cum hard.

He pulled away the moment your walls were about to clench around those two fingers and he stood, taking off his clothes.

You were half-glaring and half-admiring as he stood there with absolutely nothing on, and you opened your legs wider for him only for him to take hold of your hips and flip you over.

Any sassy comment you might’ve said for him teasing you like that was silenced when his hips snapped forward hard into yours and he buried himself as deep as your entrance would allow him.

Maybe it was vulgar, but you missed the way his cock filled you and you remembered every inch of it like you rode him in the pilot’s seat only moments ago despite having not thought about it lately.

Would this possibly be the start of a lifetime of making love to him?

Oh, you’d known you could fall in love with him when you were sitting in your cell with the knowledge of his love for you and you knew even more now that the two of you could heal together, could start a life once you defeated the First Order for good.

But right now he was easing out of you incredibly slowly and you could only describe the sensation as euphoric; you moaned all soft and then let out a sound between a cry and a gasp when he thrust back into you roughly.

That was when he started fucking you at a quick, steady pace, the already wobbly table jerking beneath your chest.

“Poe,” your plea for something you weren’t sure of was met with a soft growl.

His nails were biting into your hips from the tightness of his hands on you, but his cock was too good for you to care all that much about the tiny stings.

There wasn’t much for you to do in return in your position aside from lifting your ass at the right angle, and you were pretty much a moaning mess with your face pressed to the table.

You’d let him do whatever he wanted to do to you in the moment.

You were sure the table was about to topple right over when his thrusts became even harder into you and, stars, the pain of it only made you wetter and his dick slid in and out of you with an arousing ease.

He bent over your body to press his chest to your back and you turned your face to nuzzle your nose into his cheek, but you touched his hair instead.

You knew why as his teeth dug into your shoulder hard.

It hurt, but something about it and his angled thrusts into you were enough to send you over the edge with a loud cry.

Poe straightened up again, inspired by you clenching around him, his rutting into you becoming a bit more uneven now.

You recalled the last time you did this and the little whines he’d made into your neck as he drew closer to his own orgasm.

He was entirely vulnerable and those noises had been such a turn on, and you waited to hear them like the most beautiful music now.

Warmth started to fill your cunt and Poe pushed forward maybe three or four more times then stilled inside you.

He’d given a grunt and that was it.

Any worry quickly forgotten as he turned you over and kissed you full on the lips, you nuzzled into him like you’d wanted to.

You gently raked your fingers through his hair and tugged on it lightly.

Clearly you had needed this with him.

And you hoped this was what he had needed too.

                                             -------------------------

You and Poe went to your tiny quarters at some point and made love a couple more times on your stiff, cheap sheets.

Not that you cared one bit about any of it when the man you could love was on top of you or underneath you.

And you realized upon waking that you didn’t have any nightmares for the first time in a long time.

The joy coming with a dreamless sleep was what made you roll over to the other side of the bed with the intention of riding the man next to you.

But there was no man next to you.

You ran your hands over the still slightly warm bedding and slowly cracked your eyes open to see his back facing you from where he was standing by the bed.

You might’ve smiled and crawled over to lean off the bed and press little kisses to the muscles you could see moving.

Then you saw his muscles were moving as he put his clothes on.

Silently.

Attempting not to wake you up.

“You’re not leaving me,” you said quietly in disbelief more than anything, and he paused momentarily.

“I have things I need to do.” He pulled his shirt over his head.

“You weren’t going to wake me up and tell me you needed to go?”

He sat on the edge of the bed and stroked your thigh, moving his hand up your hip and your side then rubbing his thumb over the bruised teeth marks on your shoulder. “Look, baby, I had a lot of fun.”

You might have been leaning into his touch and maybe letting your eyes flutter closed, but you immediately pulled back at his own variation of a subtle hint that one partner thought less of having sex than the other.

“No,” you said almost desperately, grabbing onto his arms when he tried to stand up.

“Y/N—”

“You aren’t like this. You don’t hurt people like this...you wouldn’t hurt me like this. I know you’re having a hard time with everything they did to you, but you don’t do this to people. I know you don’t.”

“We needed to relieve some stress.”

His soft tone and lack of response to your words brought tears to your eyes.

Was he really doing this when he never would have even thought to do it before?

“Please don’t leave me. You’re...you love me. And you wouldn’t do this to someone whether you loved them or not. But you love me.”

“There are more important things right now.”

You were sobbing like an idiot, not only for the betrayal of his aloofness but also for this man who was losing himself in his trauma.

When he turned to walk out, you wrapped the sheet around yourself and quickly stepped in front of him.

He rolled his eyes, placed his hands on his hips, and shook his head in frustration, and you made yourself be angry.

Anger was usually sadness underneath anyway, right?

“I won’t let you do this. I won’t let you become this.”

“We have proof now that I can pick you up and throw you onto the bed.” A comment that usually would have been lighthearted, usually would have made you laugh, was said almost flatly.

“I thought you were finally going to—”

“It was only sex. Like the last time.” He cut you off quickly as if what you had been about to say would have been too much for him to listen to.

The implication that your night together had been nothing hurt you.

The implication that the night you rode him in the pilot’s seat of the Millennium Falcon, when the two of you became closer and cared for each other all the more had been nothing?

You were sure your heart had literally been torn right from your chest and all you could do was stare dumbly as he walked by you and his arm nudged by yours thoughtlessly.

Now you didn’t have to force yourself to be angry. Your sadness burned up like oil into a flame that quickly exploded.

“—get out. Get out!”

As you spun to look at him, your demand was shouted into empty air.

He was already gone.

You sobbed, looking around for anything to take your anger out on, but your emotions were too overwhelming and you instead collapsed by the bed, crying into the edge of the mattress.

He was trying to distance himself, trying to close himself off to the world; he didn’t want to be vulnerable when being vulnerable would open floodgates he wanted to keep shut tight.

You didn’t care. Not when you had been there with him and now you were spending your time trying to get him to open up, trying to make him feel safe and know it would help him to talk.

You poured your heart out to him and opened yourself up to him again both mentally and physically, and he was acting like it was nothing.

Maybe Leia was right and maybe it was time you gave up and let him deal with this himself.

Even though you had to harden your heart to keep yourself from wanting to save the man who was supposed to love you, who you were supposed to fall in love with someday.

Sobbing brokenly in your empty quarters, you closed part of yourself off and took Leia’s advice.

You took Poe fucking Dameron’s heavy, helpless weight off of your shoulders.

[takaraphoenix]

Review: The Rise of Skywalker

Gotta preface this before we get to the actual review for this movie.

Because... I’ve seen so many people claim that this was sooo bad and sooo badly written and honestly, ever since I joined this fandom, I’ve seen so much hate toward the sequels and so many people claim how they’re “ruining Star Wars” and I feel like... a whole lot of people really need to divorce themselves from the idea that Star Wars ever was this flawless franchise. Because it wasn’t.

Even before the sequels, the majority of this fandom has actively hated half the movies in this franchise. The prequels get so much shit all the time. And even now with the new movies, trilogies aside, Rogue One is relatively widely liked but Solo gets the prequel treatment of having a certain part of the fandom love it wildly and the majority dislike it.

Star Wars, from the very first one on, was always a mixed bag of good moments and bad movies, good writing and bad writing. It was always just a very silly, fun space adventure and I don’t really see why there are these insanely high expectations for it are coming from, because I don’t see a base for them in the previous movies...?

That being said, I think that Rise of Skywalker was a very worthy ending for the universe. And yes, not trilogy, universe. I know they’ll force more Star Wars, but let’s be real... the last Skywalker died, this is the end of this saga. And I think it was a good ending, it came full-circle in many aspects.

I joked about how Rey would find her dad just for him to die since so far she’s two for two in the “finding mentor and mentor dies within this movie” category and while... they didn’t find her dad, she did build a mentor-relationship with Leia. Who then died.

And I know this one is... different than the others, because Carrie Fisher died, rather unexpectedly so. I wonder if it had changed things had she lived.

I was genuinely surprised to see her in the movie, to be honest. I had expected the obnoxious opening text to summarize how Leia made a heroic sacrifice and the movie itself then opening to a large, dignified funeral scene for both, the character and the actress who played her.

I liked that they brought Lando into this; with everyone else having returned, that was really important. And I kind of like the little thing they set up at the end there, that Lando would take the enslaved kids and help them find their way back to the families they had been separated from.

Ben’s redemption was absolutely no surprise whatsoever, seriously this is a Disney movie and it’s a Star Wars movie, they were always going to redeem him anyway. The Reylo, admittedly, was a bit of a surprise.

With the whole thing where Finn really wanted to tell Rey something and how Finn and Rose were at a distance now after the last movie, I half thought they may be pushing toward that direction after all.

(I also half thought they were going to go Poe/Rey because... for some reason they decided to have that dynamic just fully mirror Han/Leia... even though it seemed wildly OoC to me personally, for the both of them, to be so... short-tempered with someone?)

But mentioning Rose, that was one thing I didn’t like. After how important she had been last movie, she was just completely reduced to background character now and it was very undeserved. She didn’t partake in the missions, though they had them at least ask her to go along, she barely got anything to do and didn’t really get to interact with any of them, not even really Finn. And don’t get me wrong, I didn’t want that romance, but I definitely wanted that friendship - and I had hopes that now that they were all united, I’d get some female bonding and girls being friends between Rey and Rose. But they kind of... forgot that they made her a main character last movie.

I think that hinting at Poe having a past-lover-he-may-still-love was tiresome and unnecessary, but it’s Disney so I genuinely wasn’t expecting that not to happen. Especially with how wildly loved Stormpilot was; I mean come on that was the only reason the Finn/Rose happened last movie already, because Disney got uncomfortable with people shipping Them Gays. My shipper-heart however absolutely took the co-generals and ran with it.

(Don’t get me started on that bullshit 0.2 second scene of two women kissing in the background. Genuinely fuck you, Disney, that’s not representation, that’s having something so you can try to defend yourself when people call you homophobes for always forgetting gays exist, but it was little enough so you can easily cut it out to milk China for money.)

I wished they would have... given Finn more. When we had that scene of him alone with that other deserting Stormtrooper and they talked and clicked so well, I kind of hoped she was his sister - since they had taken all the children. And I don’t know, I’m still kind of really hung up on the whole child slavery thing and all the trauma Finn had gone through; I wish he would have gotten something as closure.

There was one thing I genuinely absolutely hated and that was the bullshit Palpatine thing.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s still 100% on brand for Star Wars and I legit should have seen it coming after they plastered his ugly mug onto every poster, but that doesn’t make it good writing.

However - to stay in line with my opening preface - it already wasn’t good writing the first time around. I still dislike the whole “Luke, I am your father” nonsense. I absolute loathe the trope of “hero has to face off dark family member they didn’t even know was a family member”, it’s so cheap and forced because just how fucking likely is it, that all circumstances led them there?

That Rey, of all people, ran into Finn and got to the Resistance to get involved in this whole war to face off against her evil grandpa? C’mon.

Really genuinely from the bottom of my heart would have preferred Rey Nobody.

But that’s... the things you gotta accept in Star Wars, so I digress.

What I am absolutely not over is how they just straight up made Reylo soulmates...? Like? They really did that? I mean, come on, explaining their literal mind-link as them being two halves of the same and as bringing life? How was that anything but a description of soulmates...? Amazing.

I’m very salty about them killing Ben off though.

I absolutely hate that lazy writing tool of taking a villain, making him do a redeeming thing and bahm they will now be celebrated a hero without having to do much work on making up for past wrong-doings. Instead of living a life of doing good to make up for their past, they just do the Heroic Sacrifice and the writers are done here. (Side-eying Luke Castellan particularly hard here.)

He should have lived. Especially with how they set it up! They both give life, they both belong together to give life? How did that not conclude in them sharing a life-force...? Ben should have lived so he can do good in the future.

I like when previously villainous characters have to work to make up for their past deeds. I really do.

One last thing before I’m done! I HAVE A FAVORITE DROID! I LOVE D-0. HE’S A GOOD BOY. *^*

One of the most obnoxious things about the original trilogy, for me, were the droids. I do not like either C-3PO or R2D2 (yes, R2 looks adorable, but the untranslated beeping, especially in longer sequences and conversations, was just obnoxious).

BB-8 is adorable and has that dog-like charm to him, but that D-0 actually talks and is so cute? Like, unused to human kindness but slowly learning about it? Now that is a good droid.

So... I think that’s all I have to say about the movie? It was a good ending to the saga, it went full-circle by revealing that Palpatine was behind it all along and we got rid of that bitch for good now, it gave a lot of closure and had some really got points in it.