#no patience and no kindness left
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"crowley needs to apologize"
for what? seriously, for what?
sorry i did not want to go back to an abusive household that killed me and left me to rot in hell. yeah no sorry for confessing my love to you and asking you to be with me. sorry for not being overjoyed that you signed us up for the gay hate murder camp without asking me. sorry for kissing you because i love you and i don't want you to leave. sorry for walking out the door after you were actively cruel and said the worst thing you could have possibly said.
was he perfect in that conversation? no. but he did nothing he has to apologize for, and at this point i am so fucking tired of hearing that.
#alex talks good omens#good omens#ineffable husbands#crowley#aziraphale#good omens season 2#go2#aziracrow#crowley x aziraphale#ineffable divorce#the final fifteen#this is the worst week to try and fuck with me so i will block you if you respond to this with something annoying#no patience and no kindness left
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salvaged from the office fire in 1998
#my art#the x files#dana scully#fox mulder#alex krycek#i was talking about this on twitter yesterday but#i have a LOTTTTTT a lot of thought about this part of season two#mainly because i think that while scully probably realized she was never going to find peace ever again after emily#i do believe that the last time mulder ever thought everything would be okay was right before scully’s abduction#which is also kind of why i think mulder was closer to killing himself in ascension than in gethsemane#at the end of season four mulder is kind of resigned to his and scully’s lives unravelling#he’s more suspicious and slower to trust then he ever was#while ascension was the first time he was like. Oh okay. It’s over for us forever and ever#and the fact that he was still open and still kind of okay before that just kind of makes it worse#that he was just betrayed and left hanging and lost everyone he thought he had in one fell swoop#ascension jades the fuck out of him and you can see it. like through the whole series there are threads of it#his tendency to rely on skinner regresses for a while. he becomes even less functional when scully is gone.#he has far less patience for his informants and he refuses to rely on anyone the way he tried to on krycek#like it’s just. such an obvious shift in his character that you can tell his mindset about his and scully’s life has changed#and that’s a huge part of the show’s tragedy i think. there is no peace. there is no rest. it’s never going to be okay
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“The Bo-Staff”
Some angst based off my Ninjago redesign! There’s a reason why I gave Zane a bo-staff from the start and if you’re interested in reading it, proceed to the tags cause I’m too embarassed to do it in captions lmao (Spoiler- it has something to do with the Ice Emperor)
#ninjago#ninjago fanart#zane julien#ninjago zane#ice emperor#ninjago ice emperor#doodle#fanart#drawing#art#artsy ari#((I got some story behind Zane with a bo-staff too so prepare to read me ranting in the tags cause I'm too shy to rant in caption))#((The quote I stole from TMNT 2012 when Splinter gave Donnie the staff and I thought ok now put Wu and Zane in that position))#((Contrary to popular belief- Zane very rarely breaks his staff and even if he did it's cause his opponent breaks it. He never breaks it))#((The Element of Ice is associated with 'thoughtful soul and peaceful heart' and the bo-staff. a sensitive weapon. is their main thing))#((According to Wu. No Ice Elemental Master ever broke their staff because of their famous patience and sensitive kindness))#((Zane is the first one to break it with his own hands. Lingering frustrations led him to hold it too rough and while sparring broke it))#((When he was the Ice Emperor holding the scroll- he had no thought of his grip on the staff and it lingers for awhile))#((After being brought back he might've left behind the Ice Emperor but he becomes more impatient and he's easily agitated))#((The first few weeks were rough. 5 days after returning from the Never Realm the group thought it would be a good idea for a spar))#((He's wielding a glorified stick. he's losing. he gets frustrated. held the staff too hard and hit Kai until it fucking snaps in half))#((That's basically it lmao))
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Cherished Emery
Written for @inklings-challenge. Definitely out of my comfort zone, but I gave it my best go, even if it wasn't quite what I expected.
—— It was an early spring day and a lingering chill breezed past worn checkered curtains and swirled around the feet of the couple settled in the small living room.
“You’ll see, my dear! I’ll have it all solved!” Ernest crowed as he scrabbled and grabbed for another tool from the box sitting amidst the soot spilling from the fireplace before hurrying back to his work desk by the south window. “I’ll find the root of why my grandfather lost his fortune so that I can obtain my rightful inheritance and we shall be rich! No more cooking on that old, temperamental stove! A new dress for you and a new suit for me! Why, I can get you the wedding ring that you deserve!”
Emery smiled softly from the simple, wooden rocker where she sat mending, placing her latest project down to turn the plain silver band around her finger. “I’m happy with my wedding band, Ernest. I treasure it as much as I would any other ring for the memory of our vows.”
“But you deserve more!” Ernest insisted as he took a small ball-peen hammer and began tapping at a sheet of metal. “Something engraved! Something set with precious stones! Anything you would want, my dear! Rubies, diamonds, emeralds, sapphires! Any or all!” A strap of leather was pulled out and a punch tool clicked away. “A new home! One employed with a cook and a maid!”
“Oh, do you not like my cooking that we would need a cook?” Emery asked in a lightly teasing voice.
“No! I love your food!” Ernest turned his head around hastily before turning back to his work. “I just wanted you to be able to relax and enjoy yourself instead of slaving over that wretched stove.”
Emery hummed reassuringly, “It is work, but I enjoy cooking. I like to see what I can come up with and it makes me happy to enjoy what I make with you.”
Ernest huffed in acquiescence, “Maybe just the maid then. To help you.” He tacked on quickly.
“That would be nice, I suppose.” A beat. “Someone to help me fix that drafty sill of the window maybe?”
Ernest paused once the words registered and then huffed again at the subtle reprimand. “I know you wanted that fixed last winter-“
“-Last fall, dear.”
“-But this plan will work and as soon as it is done you won’t need to worry about that anymore. We’ll simply buy a new home that doesn’t need any of these endless repairs.”
Emery sighed softly before focusing back on the sock she was darning. It had several patches already put in place so much so that the original material could hardly be distinguished. She picked up her needle and continued on. “Are you going to be finished with your project soon?”
The sound of rivets being tapped into place filled the room.
“Ernest?”
“Hm? Oh, oh! Yes, yes, I think with just a few more finishing touches I should be able to depart today.”
“That’s certainly soon.” She paused, then tilted her head, hovering her needle over the patchwork sock, “but… is it safe? It hasn’t been tested before.”
“I’ve made all the calculations needed.” He answered, eyes focused on checking the alignment of some impossibly small gears in the heart of the apparatus. “I’ll be able to safely pass through time via the portal generated by the device with no harm to myself. Worry not, my love, all our troubles shall be far behind us soon.”
“Alright.” she breathed. “Will you be gone long?”
“It may take several tries back and forth to find the culprit, chasing down dominoes to catch a butterfly, may even be multiple butterflies.” He grunted as he wound a cable into a tighter spiral. “The investigative process can’t be measured exactly, you see.”
“Ah, that makes sense. Still, do you have any sort of estimate?”
“Maybe a few days with some luck. Maybe a few weeks to a couple of months. I won’t know more until I actually get there.”
“You’ll be leaving today then?”
A gear popped further into place and with a sharp click the device began to softly whirr. “Yes, the sooner the better.” He pulled the device off the table with a grunt and pulled it over his back, strapping bands connected to it across his chest, adjusting the leather buckles so that it was fitted, and then began adjusting some dials embedded in a cuff connected to his wrist. “The sooner we get to it, the sooner our lives will start!”
“Do you know where you will be?”
“I should land outside the location where my grandfather’s mill was first constructed. I don’t know the exact time he arrived there, but the old letters my grandmother saved said he should be in the area in the time I’m to arrive, so for that it’s only a matter of time for me to encounter him and find the reason for all of this mess.”
“I see. Is there anything you need for your journey? I can make you a lunch before you go.”
“No need.” Ernest said, grabbing his coat thrown over a peg by the door. “I know there was an orchard not too far from the mill, so I’ll be able to grab a meal from there. My great-uncle used to speak of them giving meals and even board to those willing to do some work, so I’ll manage in that regard.”
“You’ll be staying there overnight?”
“I’ll come back as often as I can. If I have a strong lead, I may need to work overnight to follow it. May even have to trail some people. Never know.” He explained, adjusting the sleeves of the coat to hide the controls on the cuff.
Emery rose from her seat and came to stand in front of Ernest, adjusting the collar of his coat. “Alright. Please, be safe and come back soon.” She brushed the lapels of his coat lightly before resting her hands on them. “I married you for richer or for poorer. Don’t feel that you have to do this if you’re looking for my happiness. I’ve already found it.” She looked up into his eyes. “I don’t need anymore than that.”
Ernest softened his eyes before kissing his wife and embracing her. “But you deserve it.” The couple lingered like that for a moment in silence save for the machine’s soft hum, before Ernest pulled away and gave her a beatific smile.
Emery smiled softly back and stepped back. “I’ll be waiting for you.”
“My dear Emery, just you wait I shall have all our financial woes resolved!” And with that Ernest flicked a switch near his breast pocket and vanished with a ripple as a stone dropped into a still pond, leaving an even stiller room.
—
The air warped with a low hum and like someone stepping from behind a panel of tulle, Ernest reappeared from the air. “My dear! I’ve found my grandfather! It only took a day of searching but luckily he wasn’t far from the mill grounds!”
Emery looked up surprised from where she kneeled before the fireplace, face smeared with soot from her efforts to scrub the brick clean. “Ernest?” She rose and made a futile attempt to dust herself off. “You’re back? A- a day?”
“Yes!” He ran over and grasped her arms before pecking her lips which resulted in a soot smear on his nose. “It’s such good luck!”
“A day?” She breathed.
Ernest nodded excitedly. “Yes! A day! Considering I didn’t know his routine or exact whereabouts yet it was marvelous luck to spot him inside the local general store. Of course, I didn’t interact and only followed for a bit to get a better idea of his regular path and-“
“Ernest, my love.” Emery spoke with a look of quiet horror. “You’ve been gone for a week.”
“I- oh.” The elated expression slowly dropped from his face. “A week?”
“A week.” She whispered tearfully. “I didn’t expect you to be gone for so long.”
“A week.” He mumbled to himself. “There must be some kind of time dilation. I expected some kind of difference in time flow between present and past, but I didn’t think that it would be that great.”
“Ernest…” She clung to his coat. “I don’t know that this is right.”
“Yes, yes, need to account for that. Adjust the dials for a second iteration.” Ernest patted her hands absently and started pulling away to fiddle with something on the control cuff.
Emery looked up with wide eyes. “You’re going back?”
“I’ll jump ahead a bit to shorten the time now that I have a more precise idea of my grandfather’s old haunts. With the luck I’ve had so far, it shouldn’t be too much longer.” He placated, not looking up from a spinning dial.
“I… mm… alright. I’ll… be waiting for you.”
Ernest grabbed a paper and pen from his work desk and shoved them in his coat pocket before striding up to Emery to place a kiss on her cheek. “Worry not my love! I know what I’m doing.” And he took a step back, flicked a switch on the cuff, and vanished.
——
When Ernest next returned, he found Emery sitting in her rocker hemming the frayed edge of a checkered curtain and rushed over to kiss her cheek. “A new lead, my love! I’ve found where the deed is kept for the land of the mill and it’s soon to be founded! I should be able to skip forward a bit now that I know the men involved.”
Emery looked up at him, surprised, “Ernest. How long were you gone?”
“Just a few days. Really good luck again!” He strided to his desk to grab a box of small gears and a screwdriver. “It’s been fantastic and- oh! The groves are lovely the time of year there. I think you’d love it.”
“A few days… it’s almost been two weeks.”
“Mm? Oh, the time dilation difference. It can’t be helped much I’m afraid. I’ll be as fast as I can, but really it shouldn’t be much longer.”
“Ernest, please, if you’re doing this for me, I don’t need anymore than what we already have and you. I miss you.”
“Emery, don’t worry,” He said dropping the tools into a pocket. “I’ll be back soon with more good news!” and smiled as he flicked a switch and disappeared.
“I’ll… be waiting.”
—
The next time Ernest stepped out of the past and greeted Emery, he found her sitting in the rocker again working in between two baskets full of clothes. “Where did all of that come from?”
Emery didn’t look up, focused for the moment on a stitch. “I’ve started working with the women from the local church to help the community by doing some mending for them. It’s mostly charity, but sometimes small donations are given as a thank you or aid to those who volunteer. It’s been a nice routine.”
Ernest went back to his desk to pick up a thin curved tool. “If you like it then that’s all well, I suppose. You don’t need to do that for coin though. I’ve found a new lead with the mill workers and found a group that I’m convinced had it out for my grandfather and caused some of the later business failings.”
“It’s been almost three months, Ernest. I don’t want to wear away at our savings too much.”
“Three? Hm. Well, still, shouldn’t be much longer.” He came over and kissed her forehead. “I’ll get to the bottom of it and return,” and promptly vanished with a flick and a whirr.
—— “A new lead! Multiple points of interest as it turns out. The workers and some shady merchants involved. Took a bit to track the merchants down.” Ernest popped back in and scrabbled in his toolbox for a moment before pulling out a coil of wire. “It’s all going so very well! Such good luck, I can’t believe it!” And popped just as quickly back out as Emery brushed back a wisp of greying hair.
——
The next Ernest returned with news of a new lead, Emery sat knitting a blanket.
“My hands have been getting too sore with detail work.” She explained, working in the glow of the lamplight. “I’ve been making blankets and winter-wear for the people at the church. A few kind boys often come down on the colder days to pick up anything I’ve made so that I don’t need to make the trek over. Spring will be soon, but it’s still chilly and warmth is needed.”
——
A few more returns met with Emery working and waiting each time, and Ernest’s quick departures just the same, before he last arrived to find an empty room and where Emery had always sat in her place was a folded knit blanket with an envelope resting on top. “I think I’ve found the last piece, Emery! Emery? Hello?” The house was small and a quick search revealed no sign of Emery. He was just about to investigate the letter when a knock sounded at the door. Visitors were rare and he was not surprised not to recognize the woman who stood at the door. “Hello. Who are you?”
“Ah! Good afternoon! I’m surprised to see someone here. I often stop by at least once a week and let myself in to do my usual check, but always knock just in case, which seems to be rewarded this time. Are you Emery’s husband?”
“I… yes. I’m Ernest, her husband. If you’re looking for her though, she’s not here at the moment.”
The lady’s eyes became pained and her smile strained. “No, no I wouldn’t expect her to be. She asked me to stop by regularly regardless of her presence. Have you found a letter by chance?”
“A letter? There’s an unopened one on the chair, but I haven’t touched it. Did she leave it and the blanket for you?”
“Ah, no, no they’re not for me, Emery left them for you. Mr. Ernest, I would suggest you read that letter, and… perhaps sit down for it.”
“The letter is for me? How do you know that? Who exactly are you?” Ernest quizzed.
“I’m an old friend of Emery’s from the church she volunteered for. She served for a good many years- a joy to have- always a kind word and good quality work from her. She spoke of you often, always kindly, always kindly.” She added with assurance. “She mentioned you needing to be away for work- overseas merchant or something, yes?- and worried about your health, if you were warm for the winter and that sort of thing, though it seems she needn’t have been, as much as a spring chicken you look. The other ladies and I worried about her being alone for long times, but she wanted to make sure to be able to catch you on your short returns so she wouldn’t stay with any of us for long, bless her- what was your question? Ah! Right! Emery told me about the letter and instructed me to check in to see that you received it. Now that you’ve returned from your travels, I’m glad to have been able to likewise return a long-standing favor to her. Now, I do have to be off. I have to run to pick up my youngest grandchild. I pray you have a good day, sir.” And with that she hurried off, and Ernest had shut the door before he realized he hadn’t even gotten her name.
“A letter for me?” Ernest slowly walked over to the old rocker, now coated in a layer of dust before lifting the envelope. It was a bit yellowed with age and had Emery’s twisting scrawl on the front of it, a little wobbly at the ends, but still distinctly hers, clearly addressing the letter to himself. He removed the blanket from the chair and sat down before draping the plush, green material atop his lap. He took a small knife from his coat pocket and opened the top of the envelope, pulling out the letter and began to read as a spring breeze snuck past a crack in the sill of a window framed by worn checkered curtains.
#ghost posts#ghost writing#inklingschallenge#team tolkien#genre: time travel#theme: patience#theme: admonish#story: complete#at least those were my intentions but *looks at story* WELL#i kind of left the ending more open than originally intended#this is also taken heavily from some real life issues so that def took a big part of the control in writing#i'd like to come back and refine it more some day i think#BUT I WROTE IT AND GOOD OR BAD IT'S DONE#i think i made time travel less of a genre and more well it's there. plot device?#i wrote this in 5 days help#okay great now that that's settled i'm going to just kind of hide my face for like a week waaaauuuuugghhhhhhhh
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re: "good girl" i think they say it once randomly as a joke and its just one of those things that gets him wayyy more than they expected it would. so now its their secret weapon and they use it very sparingly and every single time he gets super embarrassed about it but it works ill tell you what.
#HES MY PRINCESS IDEK.#i dont think it happens naturally all that much because theyre usually in the business of calling each other names and being mean#so i think this would just be a random night where theyre on top and just think it would be really funny. to yank on his leash and call him#a good girl after bullying him into doing something. and well i just think it would get him is all i dont knowwwwwwwwwwwwww#i havr a lot of thoughts on the matter but i will stop for now#but the tldr is that with each other they tend to switch frequently and are always fighting#so i think itd take someone else being in the picture for hog to even realize how much he likes being a good boy :3#and i also dont think fish would be good at straightforward domming in the way he would want and they both know that#so its something he keeps between him and rat mostly. please dont ask me questions abt jrs sex life i have too many opinions on it#anyways. i think even tho fish knows theyd be bad at that they still feel left out so sometimes they go watch. they dont get anything out of#doing that theyre just sort of taking mental notes#all of this circles back to i think fish has always been the more sexually experienced of the two. and romantically.#i dont rlly think hog is a guy who dates i dont think hes ever been that and i dont think he made much time for hookups#(i think its cute if hes a virgin when they meet but 🤷 im not solid on it)#but i think for him hes just only ever fucked this one person and they do a LOT of stuff and it gets the job done so hes just never really#tried anything else. but. and again i have too many opinions on this but i think rat wouldnt be into their usual shteeze#i think hes a bit of a freak in his own way but the blood and weird anger issues is just not doing it for him most of the time#but i do think if given the opportunity he would LOVE to be The Boss for a little bit so i think he and hog can explore that together and it#will work out beautifully for them. this is great because i am not into strict d/s dynamics like that but i know in my heart that hoggy#would be. and i cant do that for him#again i think fish would be butthurt about this. mostly in a 'why didnt u tell me so we could try this :(' and he would go#'because you would suck at it and wouldnt like it' and they go oh. right. well im still mad#ANYWAYS. circling back. i think the good girl thing would be something fish knows that rat doesnt. and idk if theyd tell him or not#because i do think if they tell him he is using that for evil hog is going to be a good girl forever and ever. rat doesnt have the patience#to space it out the way fish does. which idk maybe thatd be good for hog he could work through some stuff...#but on the other hand i think its fun if they DONT tell him and just bust it out sometime when all 3 of them are doing the deed. or whatever#because again they mostly like how embarrassed he gets about it and i think he would be reallyyyy flustered by it#^ this is essentially part of my fantasy about spitroasting my beautiful wife until he cries just so everyone knows#idk i just think when he lets go of himself hed be a very cute and kind of needy subby bottom and i think hed be really easy to fluster#about it and i want it so bad
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with the year coming to a close, i hope that anyone who's reflecting about how the year went remembers to be kind and fair to themselves with how you evaluate the year as a whole.
i think there are definitely times when life throws things that are... Not So Great at you. whether if it's some external circumstance that surprised you, or maybe your mentality wasn't at it's best. i wish for anyone who's encountered those kinds of challenges to be able to triumph over them and be able to say that they got through it.
heck, it might still be a work in progress even though you've kept chipping away at it, and that's ok! the results will show themselves eventually as you work through it! and i hope that we can all remember to be patient with ourselves as we go through these processes (learning, healing, etc.), because damn, it can be frustrating when you feel like you're "not there yet."
knowing that life can be rough at times, i think it's unfair to yourself (and others) to discount and downplay any progress you've made this year- whether if it's something that you did for the first time, or maybe you came to a new understanding and insight that you didn't have in the previous year.
it's not to say that you should undermine the validity of your experience with hardship, but to take the time to remind yourself what makes life worth living. to recall what moments were the most satisfying to you- and use it to strengthen your resolve for the next year and beyond. no amount of hardship will ever take away from the fact that you deserve to have hope that things will get better.
i hope that looking back on the year, you don't leave out the things you cherish. that you can remember the good that came this year. whether if the small victories are things like meeting someone new, trying something out for the first time, or making some strides in a long-term project/obligation...!
i wish everyone a happy new year! may it be prosperous, and that your life can move in a direction that's close to what you want out of life. you're all going to do great! remember to congratulate yourself for what you did well! despite everything, you're still here, and that's wonderful. never forget that!
#lizzy speaks#hello everyone. i know that there are *checks calendar* still 20 days left of december and 2023#but i've had a lot of strong emotions and feelings i've had to sort through as i've been thinking about how 2023 went for me#so a lot of what i've written here comes from the perspective of someone in their early 20s#it's like... a crash and burn from when you were a teenager thinking that you know everything#and realizing how big the world is and how many responsibilities there are#all while a feeling of overwhelm looms over as you try to sift your way through the world and adjust your understanding of it#for me i've definitely had an underlying thought that 'you should have your shit together by now why aren't you there yet'#and it's! not motivating! at all! to think that way. and it's made me more than ever want to be a friend to myself. to extend a patient-#kind voice to myself that reminds me that others are also trying to navigate these feelings and to accept that i'm not going to have an-#instantaneous understanding of how one goes about adulthood. and neither will they. even if they look 'put together.'#like... these people have also undergone similar stresses and along the way figured out how to navigate through that space#and personally i've found peace in knowing that there are people who are older than me. trusting that they've dealt with these things too i#some shape or form and that them living... being here.. is proof that we shall be fine in the end and that we will move past what plagues-#our mind. there's definitely been some... anger i've had this year that. school didnt teach me these things or skills!! i was so mad lol#but hey if we are little guys who are living on planet earth for the first time we shouldn't condemn ourselves to an unrealistic standard-#of going through life and being able to instantly do everything 'correctly' and know how everything works#i'm still working on improving that patience... and also trying to put in the work to understand these things.#in the midst of a very tough week for me i was tempted to say that 'nothing happened this year it was not productive'#but then i was like. that's. objectively not true if you just look at other things. also theres worth in life outside of 'productivity'#...i think i passed 20 tags at this point. but like. my favorite thing about 2023 was meeting so many cool awesome people!#who would've known that funny lil squid game could bring so many connections and friendships i cherish!#thank you so much! for being a part of my life and changing me for the better! for giving me many fond memories!#and i'm very grateful to anyone who supported me and my art this year... for sticking around even though i wished i could do more#it means the world to me knowing that there's proof that i exist and have touched someone's life in a positive way! thank you! truly!#ANYWAY. happy early new year. i hope everyone can nourish a friend in their head that extends acceptance and patience to themselves#as we try and make sense of the world together. there will be things that we don't understand yet! but one day we will! and it'll be like#wow! look how far i came! i'm okay! i'm alive! yipee! thank you for reading this post i made to get my feelings out! have a nice day!
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I turned off asks because I was getting really sick of the gaza themed spam asks. Guess my breaking point for shitty behavior is impersonating victims of a major humanitarian crisis.
If you want to get in touch you can DM me or reply to this post, I guess. Or catch me on discord.
#moth talks#I'm also aggressively unfollowing people who reblog this kind of stuff bc it's almost all grift bullshit and I don't have any patience left#asks are just gonna be closed for a few months#unless i am actively doing ask games or sth
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Various recent pictures of things
#or.. recent ISH.. this was still a few months ago lol#photo diary#EEEee... it's like over 45 minutes away from where I live but I finally found an arcade to go to that's not like entirely in the city and#is less busy. I went like the second they opened at 11:55am on a tuesday while school was still in. So there was basically no other people#there aside from like 5 staff. + wearing high quality KN95 mask and limiting my time there to under 1hr..#Also this was before the current summer covid surge happening since June in the US. so... I got to do One Single safe activity for once lol#skee ball my beloved.....#I actually don't like a lot of arcade games so I basically just spent 70% of the time doing skeeball ghjbjh#But I did weirdly like that pearl themed machine.. even though its one of those foolish games where you just drop items#and hope that they build up enough to let coins fall. like very boring not skill based or etc. But the Aesthetics of it.. I was drawn#to.. I wanted to crack the glass open and harvest the smooth white orbs from inside.. it would have been even cooler if they were#actually pearlescent in some way. but the round bubbly design and the blue and white water and shell theme entranced me#I love air hockey also but this machine was really flat and weird. like not enough air was pumping and the puck was very cheap and flimsy#An afterschool daycare place I went to once as a child had an air hockey machine that they would allow kids limited use to sometimes#and the air was always BLASTING up from the table so much that you could lay on it and it was like being hit by a slight breeze. and the#puck was very hefty and more of a satisfying clunk when you shot it around. I mastered skee ball with two arms#where I would load up a game on two machines right next to each other and throw one ball with my left hand to the left machine and one#with my right to the other and still got an okay ish score on both lol. But I do forget arcades can be very sensory overwhelming like#bright lights and noises and stuff.. walking past every blinking machine chirping at me like SHUT UP I'm trying to get to SKEE BALL#leave me ALONNEE. ghjhb... ANYWAY.. other stuff.. some images of clouds as usual.. a quaint little breakfaste#of eggs. pickled onions. grapes strawberries. and some turkey bacon. Also ofcourse Cat In Weird Position image.#he's always sitting with his legs stretched out funny#I kind of hate arcades on principle since much is a waste of money and time and many games are rigged (especially claw games) where#theres like some Illusion of Skill but so much of it is just random. I simply do not have the patience for that sort of thing. And usually#all the stuff you can win is bad anyway. BUT I also love active games.. if there was a place where I could JUST play skee ball. ddr.#air hockey. and like games where you have to aim at stuff (shooting games. wack a mole. etc.) then I would go there instead.#Active Games Only arcade. It bothers me sometimes to have to walk past all the scammy games to get to the decent ones lol..#Begone.. Out of my site at once... wretched claw machines.. and those things where you try and stop a light or whatever
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Me, too busy with grad school to participate, watching everyone else in the Kirby fandom participate in the OC tournament and art fight
#text post#I wish I could have joined in but I’m an overworked stressed out grad student lmao#I forget if I’ve mentioned this on here before but I’m working on getting my PhD#I hopefully only have a year or so left before I get it and then I’ll be Doctor Sweet#this is going to be a stressful year oh boy 🥲 grad school is lowkey kind of killing me I hope I can finish in the next year#I like what I study it’s just a lot mentally at times and I’ve been feeling kind of depressed lately#I feel bad that I take so long to post art on my blog and update my comic#I really do enjoy drawing Kirby stuff I’ve just got a lot going on in real life and am not always feeling the best mentally#so sometimes I don’t have the time or the mental energy to draw but I am working on the next comic page! I have one panel left to do for it#I’m hoping to post it by this coming weekend Meta Knight starts fighting Whispy on this next page#thank you everyone for your patience it means a lot to see people liking my stuff even if I take forever to post it#I have so much stuff I want to draw and share but not enough time or energy to do it 🥲
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never got so attached to a pathetic little real man like i did with Myeongkyun
#like i've been blocking left and right you get me#not because you hate my pathetic little man no but because it tells me you do not get the two sides of a problem#'i hate him he's the problem' maybe wait? maybe see the whole story? maybe don't assume all people SHOULD be in a way#like yeah he's such a bad communicator but if you DO look at the whole picture everything makes sense and ultimately#both him and youngjoon are just two very incompatible flawed people#and it's so easy to stick to the one you can relate to but i frankly do not want to see those opinions#anyWAY the moment he get's to finally sort through his feeling will be amazing#because i think he genuinely needs someone he can take example after at being themselves because at first he was all trying to be cold and#appear as a fuckboy idk but he is genuinely a huge puppy he is just a silly guy and i think having people around him that are like that and#show him understanding and PATIENCE and kindness is pushing him to realize he is like that and he can be like that and it is okay to#anyWAY#i really hope he and minseon work out they are the CUTEST#his man 3
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i finished the merry wives of windsor today btw. 4 shakespeare plays left to go
#tales from diana#i'm in a pickle bc i've been burning through the remainders in the last year or so in a way that makes me... melancholic#i didnt hate merry wives even though i wasn't looking forward to it for a very long time bc i knew it was mostly prose#im neither a big falstaff fan (im sorry) not do i get the most charm from shakespeare from his prose#but admittedly it was still rather enjoyable as a comedy. you dont get a lot of fake cuckoldry plots from shakespeare specifically#not in comedy certainly! so i enjoyed the trickery of it#not the worst shakespeare play as far as pure entertainment value at all. nothing's as boring as henry viii#that one was a big disappointment#i have one play in each category left (counting the romances as their own category) (and counting kinsmen as his work)#coriolanus. king john. measure for measure actually! and two noble kinsmen#i know a lot about measure for measure already i just have never read it in full. twelfth night was like that as a reading experience too#i wasn't in a rush to get to it but in the case of measure. i wanted to get merry wives out of the way first#and leave my last pure comedy to be something i would almost certainly enjoy more#now im kind of in a pickle bc i feel the ecstasy of being tempted to just finish the complete plays already#but i also wanna pace myself and read other things#i kinda have this idea of what if i saved the last 4 to read in 2025? but we're not even halfway through 2024#i dont have that kinda patience#maybe ill reread some old favorites in the meantime or something. idk#i dont think i mentioned it on here but i got the rsc complete works second edition from 2022#last month! bc my riverside is in delicate condition. but i switched back between the two when reading merry wives#i just couldnt help it. i miss my mother. it's always going to be the most personally comfortable book for me to read from#i read the majority of these plays in that volume. that book TAUGHT ME to read shakespeare#but i need to be strong and i also enjoy comparative literary studies and a more recent book has a lot to offer#im yammering on to myself incoherently im sure nobody really cares what im saying. even i dont! ok goodbye goodnight
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Things have been very busy recently, and so I haven't been able to keep up with the dash for a bit and likely will remain sparse for a bit longer T_T I'll be catching up when I'm able, I can't wait to see all of the neat stuff I've missed!
I wanted to take a minute to thank y'all for the lovely comments on my mch glam for DT - been having a real time of it lately, and the positive vibes are much appreciated ❤️
#work promoting me: now all of china knows you're competent#family nonsense also occurring -_-#between the two i'm very low on time and very low on energy OTL#thank y'all for your patience and kindness :>#i am sending you all cookie baskets mentally#this was supposed to be the year i was more active in the community ;_;;;;; still half a year left i suppose!#the mun speaks
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Demon trying to feed on my insecurities: "You're a bad driver"
Me: "Of course I am. I hate driving. Going 80 mph surrounded by tons of metal is nerve-wrecking. I try to do it as little as possible. Of course I'm bad at it"
Demon: "You're a bad writer"
Me: "Well that part's simply not true. I never claimed I was the greatest author of my generation, but when I put pen to paper I know what I want to communicate and I usually do it well. If someone isn't impressed with my work, that's unfortunate but they're entitled to their opinion"
Demon: "You're a bad leader"
Me: "Well I don't know about that! I mean there was that one time when... Ok look just because people don't see me as an authority figure doesn't mean... 😠 You know you can be a real asshole, demon!"
#joking aside the reason I suck at helping people is probably not dissimilar from why I'm bad at driving#the joke is “having good ideas which would work if people let you boss them around” and#“having enough charisma to persuade people to let you boss them around” are two different skills and I don't have nearly enough patience#for the latter#but no really it makes me deeply insecure seeing sycophants rally around the most transparently incompetent and self-interested POS people#and meanwhile I'm getting called shrill and presumptuous for pointing out that the left-wing is poorly organized and I could do it better#can we agree it's at least a little bit because I have aspergers and no penis?#like I realize what I'm doing is the political equivalent of “but I'm such a nice guy!” and I'm literally complaining that no one#respects ma authoritah#but just saying: maybe I wouldn't come off as such a petulant misanthrope#if I wasn't constantly being asked to fix problems that could have been avoided if everyone listened to me in the first place#“nobody likes an i-told-you-so” yeah that's why democracies keep falling to fascism cus you want someone pleasant over someone correct#at the same time sooner or later you have to look in the mirror#and I can count the group projects I've successfully headed on one hand; maybe it's me#if it was just that people don't listen to me than yeah this would just mean I have an ego#but there are plenty of women the left could be rallying around and it doesn't because of minor scandals and anarchist ideals#it's stupid and I'm becoming a tankie just because i'm sick of the idea#that political goals can be accomplished without a clear chain of commmand#i don't need to be the leader but WE NEED A LEADER#the hatian revolution succeeded because Toussaint Louverture organized random slave rioting into an actual army#and I just wish I had that kind of magic myself but I might already be too bitter#ftr this isn't in response to anything that happened recently I'm just still mad thinking about an anarchist group I tried to join#on facebook five years ago where I asked point blank what the marching orders were and got blocked for being “obviously a cop”#and the mod comes at me with “anarchists don't have leaders IDIOT”#yeah well you're the guys always saying you only oppose UNJUST hierarchies idiot!#excuse me for thinking you guys had a plan beyond perpetual infighting#not everyone asking blunt questions about the anarchist platform are feds you guys are just paranoid and ableist#and when you block people for asking what game plan is it really sounds like you just plain don't have one (which is depressing)#I don't care how many books there are about how anarchism is more than just “wanting a free-for-all”#if you attack anyone who tries to impose a hierarchy just to get shit done it really seems like that first impression of
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teaching has just truly driven me away from tumblr discourse because I’m still talking to people who are wrong about literature and have bad takes but now there are valid and understandable reasons for that (adolescence) (new to life in general and having opinions at all)
#akksksjejeje this is so mean I mean the wider problem of tumblr discourse!!!!!!!!!!! not any individuals#well maybe some individuals whose blogs I have come across over the years#who are spewing heresy and nonsense#but anyway on a more serious note all patience for discourse and discussion is simply used up in my teaching#that’s where it all goes#I got nothing left!#I mean I have lots left for one on one discussions#but I just mean in terms of interacting with a group and all the work that comes with balancing the humors (lol)#of a group setting so that there can be the right amount of harmony and forward motion#that’s just used up in teaching#It’s the right context for it!#I should really just leave here. it would be better and fairer#but I still kind of need it as a dumping ground#(Anyway if you read my posts and reply to them and are kind I appreciate it so much <3 I do not mean to disparage you at all)#(I am just also trying to be honest about why the format and the space here is one I’ve grown beyond/can’t use in the same way I used to#and it’s something I still need to occasionally work out in a text post on tumblr I guess!#which is ironic#to say the least.
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:)
#not to vent on main but i'm so fucking sick and tired of my sister lmaoooooo#she has never shown me an ounce of kindness or patience or understanding when it comes to ANYTHING#but she's the FIRST to jump to criticise me mercilessly#and then i receive messages like 'your ignorance towards your family is outrageous' like ?????????????#maybe stop and think for a moment WHY i am trying to have as little contact with you as possible#like the THINGS i could tell#about her or my mother or my father#it left my therapist speechless at times lmao#i'm ao tired#the only family members i care about at this point are my aunt and nephew#and - surprise surprise - my sister and her shitty bigoted fiance make the latter so fucking hard for me#like.....#i'll just have to do this for the rest of my life huh??? drag my family around behind me like a rotting corpse#that keeps grabbing and clawing at my ankles and screeches what an awful ungrateful person i am#i want off this ride#:)))))#end me lmao
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scared to keep this 500-word blurb about the civil rights movement in my review of "some like it lukewarm" because it doesn't ascribe to Internet Morality (i.e. I say that having Charlie Smalls on the show is actually a big deal for the legitimizing of black artists in the eyes of the show's largely-white audience). I know the jackals are going to gut me for "congratulating the white production team". I know they're going to be mad I'm promoting small, step-by-step practical change instead of adhering to the impossible standards of wokeness.
#like if im not just saying “END RACISM” and refusing to accept anything less than the black and white Absolute Ideal of Correctness#as progress#then I'm totally despicable and want to bring the movement down.#god how did this happen to us (the left)#I know black artists shouldn't have to depend on white broadcasting corporation owners to give them screen time. I know that.#but we're never going to get from here to somewhere better by giving demands we know aren't going to be met and then just getting angry#when they aren't met. milling rage isn't going to help artists of color get more recognition it's just going to weaken the whole movement#ugh you'd want the patience of a goddamn saint#sorry#noura talks politics#<- I won't do this often because its not worth it but there in case anyone wants to block this kind of post I dont blame you whatsoever
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