#no one tells me i look like a vampire smh

[vampistol]

Yall have no idea the steps i take to look as vampy as possible AND YET!!!!!!!!

[byanyan]

actually ngl, i have been playing with the idea of byan, at some point in their fledgling verse, probably years down the line, eventually coming to work at some shitty little 24 hour tattoo shop

[nightcolorz]

Armand surgical malpractice meta (spoilers for TVA)

It’s, at least from what I’ve seen, a pretty popularly agreed upon conception that Armand’s mutation of Claudia b4 her death as described in TVA didn’t actually happen..partly bcus it’s such a drastic and grotesque retcon from her death in interview with the vampire so lots of ppl don’t want to address it as canon, and partly bcus it’s so bizarre and seemingly unprompted in context that it just seems more plausible that Armand would make this up as some sort of twisted shock value rather then actually do it. I used to buy into this theory and never rlly thought about it beyond that, and today for the first time I thought about it deeply and realized. Damn I rlly disagree! I think that Armand 100% canonically chopped Claudia’s head off and sewed it onto an adult body. I believe it happened as told. And I have many reasons !

First and foremost I don’t think that Armand is actually capable of lying so deliberately in this context. Interpreting most tvc narrators as potentially lying to our faces and intentionally twisting events to suit a narrative and a purpose of dictating our perception of them is, I think, accurate and justified, and smth I love about this fandom. Everyone is not to be trusted 100%, especially Louis and Lestat, who are said and implied many times to have completely fabricated some events in the books for the sake of painting a picture. Tvc serve as this over arching plot about multiple conflicting characters manipulating events of their lives to suit a narrative that we as the audience can pick apart and discover the truth within. Very much “this bitch said WHAT about me?? that dumb cunt is always spreading lies smh, it actually happened LIKE THIS” (they r both not telling the full truth). Armand however is very much an outlier here, and it’s part of what makes TVA so unique as a chronicle. It’s a big part of his character throughout the series, in TVA and leading up to TVA, that Armand’s way of thinking is so dysfunctional and his memory is so flawed (bcus of all his trauma) (and neurodivergence) (imo) that he isn’t able to fully conceptualize the events of his life as chronological and meaningful in the way that one would need to do to be able to write a memoir.

He can’t describe events in broad strokes, or wrap his head around a vast emotional impact in a way that is explanatory or intentional. Think of that conversation he has with Daniel in queen of the damned, where he explains that he isn’t capable of telling Daniel what his life in the past “was like” because that’s a concept incomprehensible to him. He only knows what happened, not what it was like, not how it affected him or how it shaped his personhood, what it means etc. It’s a form of dissociation almost. The vampire armand is the first time in Armand’s vampiric life that he self reflects beyond acknowledging events and his emotions in that moment, it’s the first time he attempts to make connections and understand himself in a way that is narrative and structured and not fragmented bits of history and A names. Part of this requires further dissociation. I definitely get the impression that since Armand is being so vulnerable in a way he is so unused to, yet is so significant, he is unable to register while he’s talking that not only David, but millions of people including every vampire in the world, will know what he says. He’s just laying himself completely bare, he’s talking and talking and only once he finishes realizes oh. Oh. everyone’s going to read this huh. It’s so cathartic he doesn’t consider that in the moment. It’s the first time he’s ever been capable of reckoning with his life in a self reflective way, of looking at it and explaining it and reasoning with it, structuring it in order, not fragments, etc, seeing the cause and the impact and touching on an overall conclusion (tho he never entirely gets there). These baby steps are so difficult for him already, and considering this part of his character I really think it’s a stretch to say that Armand would be capable of the thought process in his book of pure venting to go “maybe I should twist the truth here or change this or add this or lie about this so people will think of me this way or so Lestat can see this, etc” TVA is unreliable, more so bcus of how mentally ill armand is and how little he understands his own life and emotions, but not deliberately like iwtv and tvl. Armand even says that the book was for Benji and Sybelle, but it’s so unfiltered and horrific and vent-like that this sounds ridiculous. He doesn’t even have his stated audience in mind while he’s telling his story, let alone his broader audience. The audience was a complete afterthought, a barely registered consequence. So why would he lie about Claudia? How would he be capable?

it’s another common piece of conversation around this part of TVA where we go, Armand discusses how he never would want to tell this to Louis bcus he knows how badly it would hurt him, so why did he describe it so graphically? Well, cause of all I mentioned. It seems pretty clear to me that armand is almost haunted by the affair with Claudia, and he has no way of lying about this, so his descriptions seemed very much to me like a desperate bit of venting. He has never told anyone how horrific it actually was and it’s always been in his mind, so he just lets it all out. Makes sense, but the broader question is, if Armand wasn’t lying…why did he do that at all?? This I think is so interesting.

To understand this I had to think a lot about Armand’s motivations for killing Claudia at all, which is well, simply, revenge against Lestat and claiming of Louis without barriers. If Claudia dies Lestat will be sad and Louis will be mine and mine alone 👍👍 etc. but Claudia’s mutation was not rooted in either of these motivations, which is part of why it’s so shocking. He didn’t do it to hurt Lestat, lestat never found out. It just seems so odd and unprompted. But once I thought more about why Armand hates Lestat, and why he wants to hurt him by killing Claudia, it started to fit into place. Armand’s hatred for Lestat is rooted very much in his twisted resemblance to Marius that he perceives as being very strong and basically mocking. When he first sees Lestat in tvl he’s repulsed by him instantly bcus he sees him as this parody of Marius, this beautiful blonde man in striking red robes who boldly and carelessly defies the laws of vampires established by the children of Satan as if they are meaningless to him, revels in the indulgent world of humans like he belongs there, shamelessly as armand devotes himself to miserable repression. It strikes a nerve for armand, feels very personally offensive to him, like the embodiment of the traits that got Marius’s destroyed r coming back to mock him in his face. And then as he gets to know Lestat more deeply he only hates him more, bcus Lestat is not only bold and careless, but he’s immature and stupid, and he knows nothing. Armand in his horribly traumatized mind set registers Lestat as “like Marius” and takes this to mean “maybe he can save me, maybe he will teach me and free me from this hell, guide me and give me the purpose I need to be given.” But Lestat does not do this, lmfao. He actually destroys any sense of purpose armand had, rips him from his safety net, and when Armand begs for guidance, asks to be allowed to travel alongside Lestat so he can learn to be a person again, Lestat denies him. The only purpose he bothers to give him is the scraps, symbolic of his perverse indulgence that Armand despises, and fucks off. Lestat is grotesquely reminiscent of Marius, in the worst ways. It’s like his presence alone opens Armand’s eyes to how badly Marius has ruined him. He was the sun, the purpose, the guiding light, and then it was ripped away, and there was nothing else without him. Just a void.

So Armand hates Lestat for this very personal mockery of his own plight, and this hatred spirals into unbridled rage when Lestat returns to him and expects Armand to give Lestat the assistance that he denied him. Not only this, but Lestat found Marius, found marius and was granted guidance and love that Marius refused to give Armand after his indoctrination into the children of Satan. And Marius told Lestat to never ever do what he did, never make an Armand, because Armand was a mistake, he was too young to be a vampire, and now he’s a mistake he will never forgive himself for. And with this immense privilege that Armand spent a huge chunk of his life yearning for, guidance from Marius when he was his most lost, Lestat decides to disregard it. He decides that since Marius said it was bad to turn a child as young as Armand, he’d turn a child even younger then Armand, just cuz. He is once again the embodiment of Marius’s sins, the grotesque parody. Marius turned a teenager, Lestat turns a five year old. It’s almost cruel in how mocking it is, almost intentional in how personal. So Claudia is this child, this deliberate mistake made by someone who knew her turning would be harmful to her but was selfish enough not to care, then went on to regret it when he has to reckon with the consequences. Seem familiar? Armand sure thought so. So I imagine that being alone with Claudia, looking this deeply sad reflection of his own agony in the eyes, knowing she is about to die for justice against a warped parody of his Maker, for the sake of punishment for her own existence, I imagine this struck a cord of insanity in Armand’s fucked up mind, caused him to loose his absolute shit for just long enough to go what if I can fix her, what if I can turn this narrative around, give her the remarkable ending I know deep down that she, I , will never be granted. What if I can give her a body that will reflect her mind? What if I can make this abomination into a miracle? No wonder he pulled out the surgical tools 😭 No wonder he was so horrified by his own actions when he came to his senses, no wonder he refused to share this, kept it to himself for so long, until he finally broke and confessed it all in a desperate moment when he was too caught up in the dam breaking to realize he’d be exposing this horrific action to the world.

Armand sees Claudia as a repulsive mistake that should’ve never existed made by Lestat to deliberately mock him up until the surgery, when then for only a moment lost to time ended in blood she is another child who had her life taken from her too soon by an egotistical blonde man who thought he could play god with someone’s life. “They were done for anyway, he was going to starve to death in a brothel, she was going to die as a street orphan, the blood would be a service to them, a chance they never had” But they both know that’s a lie they tell themselves to justify the act of taking a child and molding it into what they please for fun, for pleasure, for companionship, just to see what would happen. Armand sees this for a moment and wants to give her a chance, give them both a chance, wants to see her as an adult, as someone who could have a life. And then of course, we know how that turns out 😭

[queen-of-scissors]

I saw your "god of the multiverse" thing where reader tells them abt the other games theyve played and i just-- JFJSJFJEBOFJSNFEOFN I AM JUMPING SO HARD ON THIS HYPE TRAIN--

I only have two words for you.

Among. Us.

You're welcome.

BUT LIKE FR FR THO-- HOW WOULD THEY REACT?? Since the entire thing is literally cooperate or die for crewmate, or Eat Hot Chip And Lie / Gaslight Gatekeep Girlboss for imp

And like, imagine them being named Dolos or Apate as a new epithet if they enjoy lying as crewmate to stir the pot or just regular lying as imp (dolos was the spirit of trickery, apate was the personification of deceit-- you can make either kaeya, albedo, ruebedo or dain give the title since theyre all from khanriah)

Or like-- they could also be rlly uncomfy with being imp and just being a model crewmate and they could be given the epithet Eleos or Anteros because of it

Just-- THSKFJSKDJWJ soooo many possibilities for reader/creator

And like-- oh my gOD IMAGINE THEM TRYING TO MAKE THE ACOLYTES PLAY IT AHAHAHA

The murder?? Theres gonna be a LOT

Sorry if there was a lot, i just rlly enjoy what you've written so far!! Have a nice day :))

GOOD SHİT GOOD SHİT THATS SUM GOOD SHİT RİGHT THERE!!!!

First, explaing the game.

Everyones reactions will be diffrent about it, no matter how you explain it;

The scared ones

Noelle, Diluc (brother flashbacks),Barbara, Bennett, Razor (lupical PROTEC lupical!! NO KİLL), sucrose, Jean, Yelan (you... Kill your friends??)

The impressed ones

Kaeya, Childe, Venti, Hu Tao, Yanfei (sees it as a usefull skill), zhongli (MF is impressed by anything u do smh), Lisa, Ei, Yae miko

The confused ones (what why would you?)

Ganyu, Xiao, Diluc, İtto (doesn't even understand the rules), kuki shinobu, Kazuha

"İ WANNA TRY!!! oh wait does this count as blasphemy-"

Childe, Venti, Albedo, KLEE (actually thinks it like a game), Yelan (ok since you said its not actually killing them i wanna try), İTTO, Nahida (knows its a game), Heizou

Now if we were the imposter you are right. İt doesnt matter if you are bad at it, they are going to call you as some god that has been assosiated with trickery.

İ wrote a story about it. But didn't make the reader as imposter because no one wouldn't dare to say you are an imposter. Even as a joke

ESPECİALLY if it was a traitor!AU. Tough im not sure that they would even play if that were the case

-----------------------

İ made the story of how you got the title a bit long, i hope you like it :)

More under the cut!

______________________________________

"Have you guys ever played 'vampire'?"

Your voice echoed in the throne room, they looked confused, they weren't expecting your answer to be another question.

You were bored out of your mind. Watching people come and go in the room just for them to ask for your guidance about daily stuff was a pain, both phsicaly and emotionaly. So you opened your phone to get a bit of a downtime while no one was there to ask for your divine wisdom.

"Forgive my rudeness, Your highness. But... What does that have to do with it?" Said Albedo, who got there for your divine wisdom.

"You asked what i was doing in my device, so in order for me to answer, you must for answer my question."

"Vampires..." He mumbled "aren't those imaginary, humanoid monsters that drink blood to survive?"

"Ah, ok. i see that you never played."

"Play what exactly?"

"So its a game about a group of villagers trying to find a vampire/werewolf among them.

You choose one host, and that person controlls the whole game, The other players all close their eyes and the host walks among them, and picks a vampire.

Each night, the vampire chosses someone to kill and that person is eleminated, and each day, the other players try to find the vampire and kill them.

İf they choose the wrong person that person is also eliminated."

Acolytes look at eachother, that sounds so fun?!(deffinetly not the kill eachother without killing eachother one is the reason not at aaaallll)

"Ohh, İ see," Kaeya said, impressed "so this game also tests you ability to not get caught and lie, as well as finding lies. This is interesting!"

"...turnes out, you might have a chance after all, since the creator favors imposters and all." Diluc half whispered to him.

Lets pretend we didn't hear him for his sake.

"Yeah so on my phone im playing it but this version is harder."

"OHHH i wanna try!" Klee said exitedly!

Jean stoped her "Klee, the creators device is a holy one, so we cant just ask them to give it to us for our desires."

"Actually i dont mind! Does anyone else wanna play?"

The smartest yandere ones were having a light yagami moment ("if i agree to play they might think im a murderer and discard me but if i don't play they will think im avoiding these types of games because im a murderer myself and i would get discarded again. Oh i know, i will wait someone to take the bait and say 'of everyone is playing then i will too' then no one will suspect me hahahahHAHAHA İTS ALL ACORDİNG TO PLAN-)

"İm... Sorry your Grace but... İ think i will just watch." The depressed Yaksha said, he hates to dissapoint you but he doesnt want to kill people that he concidered friends, even if its fake.

Zhongli looked at you and his gaze softened.

"İ shall join if Your highness would join as well."

"But of course!!" There is no way you're going to miss THİS OPPORTUNİTY.

_____________________________

The game.

This isn't the game where you taught them how to play. (Which... Took like.... 3 whole days. İm not writing that)

Yae and Venti (a dangerous duo smh) asked for your permision to make the event prised. You agreed, this might make things more fun! They didn't told you what it was though.

PLAYERS: ChildE, Bombombaku (Klee), windbornbard (Venti), foxlady (Yae miko), Rockhead (zhongli(venti messed it up)), (your choise of player name), COOLGUY (itto), Al Haitham, Ei, Dreamy (Nahida)

.

.

.

İt started as you being a crewmate. The god team were immediatly on your side, attempting to keep an eye on you. But as soon as you shot them an angry glare from across the room, they left you alone.

you were a bit worried that the imposter was going to get too scared and not kill you for the whole game just because you are the creator, and having the gods in Real life be at your Side even in the game might scare them even more.

You watched as rockhead leave the caffeteria, Ei going to the opposite direction from him. But windbornbard did not move at all. Not even an inch.

You made your character walk up to him, wondering if he is having connection problems, just as you tried to get him to move, he killed you and ran away.

..... That smart mother fu-

Honestly, you weren't mad at all, (just a bit if you game rage alot like me) because this could help to ease tention in the first few rounds.

You followed windbornbard a little, wondering if he is going to get another kill. You both passed the boiler room and through security camera room. Seeing other players and fake tasking.

.

DEAD BODY FOUND

Your toughts were cut short as they discovered COOLGUY's body.

Windbornbard gasped "the creator is dead?!"

Your throne room was filled with whispers, and angry mumbling, completely forgetting that COOLGUY is also dead (poor itto).

"Who would dare such a thing?! İ tought the gods were going to be at their Side the whole game!" ChildE said panicing, as if you actually got killed.

Al haitham picked on quickly, "if there was an agreement on protecting them. That can only mean that one of the archons is the traitor."

"Maybe, both of the imposters are gods?" Foxlady spoke in her teasing voice, profably to see Ei's reaction. "After all, theres only one way that they can get away with this, trap them and leave no witnesses behind."

"What you are saying is unlikely," Dreamy objected. "if that were the case, one of the archons would be dead as well, as all of us promised to protect them, one of us would have to witness the murder and the second imposter would kill the other god."

"Uhhhh... Guys?? İm also dead??? HELLO???"

Rockhead cutted in. "Sadly, we cant make any assumptions on who killed our creator, since we all parted ways to do our tasks by ourselves when..." He trailed off in the end, Coughing to hide his emberrasment, he didnt want to admit that he got scared.

"Then im voting to skip the vote." Windbornbard said. Someone find this man, you can't deal with his smug face if he wins!!

And thus, everyone skiped the meeting an no one got voted out.

-------

Next round you decided to do your tasks. That might help the crew a bit. While you go through the corridors you noticed Al haitham and windbornbard is going to somewhere together, and its not the first time you caught them walking Side by side. You're not sure if Al haitham got suspicious of venti or he is an imposter as well. Either way its an interesting duo. Maybe you should check the cameras.

You went to security room and looked through.

Blockhead was standing in the corridor, watchin Ei from a distance.

ChildE was avoiding everyone, immideatly leaving if the room has a player inside, he is taking it so seriously, he is profably not an imposter, you thought.

Klee was getting in and out of the rooms, Following random people and waiting just besides the door. İt suspicious but it could be that she is just exited to play.

You closed the security camera window, and looked across the real world room instead.

İtto placed the phone you gave him to his side and crossed his arms, pouting because he was the first one to die. Trying to look at other peoples phones from where he stood, to find the other imposter.

You could see the sweats forming at zhongli's forehead. He was SUPER concentrated. Why was he, amongst all of the other acolytes, being so serious about it anyway?

You looked at the traitor, who realised you were looking at him and smiled at you. You smiled back, at least one of them is having fun!

Suddenly his smile grew bigger and went back to his phone. Uh-oh he has an idea doesnt he.

EMERGENCY MEETİNG

"AL HAİTAM STOP FOLLOWİNG ME" he partly screamed.

"You misunderstand me, i was just following to make sure you are not a traitor."

"Oh realy?! Then explain why while we were in the room to the east, the doors were locked and you started to chase me?"

"...that did not happen."

Foxlady cutted in "now that you mention it, i do remember that one of the rooms that had my tasks was blocked by a door."

"İM VOTİNG AL HAİTHAM" windbornbard said. İts all going acording to plan hehehehehe. Some other started to back him up as well.

"Wait."

Everyone in the room turned to Blockhead.

"İ understand that all the evidence seems to be targeting hım. But i know my bard friend here for quite long, i can tell when he is being serious." He looked at windbornbard, "could it be that you are trying to blame Al Haitham for your crimes against our creator?"

"You seem to have quite the imagination old friend" he said calmly, imitiating him "it is as you say, we've known eachother for a few thousand years after all. So i too, can read your emotions."

Venti once again turned to you "your highness said so themselves, it is just a game afterall, so theres no need for me to treat it as a war between rivals. Of course im not in my serious mood."

He turned back to him "now thats out of the way, i must ask, why did you gets so offensive and tried to protect Al Haitham? Kind of... What was the world? SUS? don't you think?"

You almost burst out laughing, it was so funny hearing it from him, he sounded like a grandpa who is learning internet lingo, despite his youmg voice.

"Are you suggesting that, i am the one who killed the creator?"

"Now i didn't say that, you could be the one that killed 'COOLGUY', since you have strick policies when it comes to the creator."

They glared at eachother while Ei voiced her opinion. "What bard sais sounds very belivable, while mr Zhongli also made a convincing point. İ suggest that we vote Al Haitham, and if he does turn out to be an imposter, we can figure out from there."

"Well, it seems i can't get myself out of this one even if i try. İt was a very fun game." Haitham sighed. He accepted defeat, just like that? This isn't like him.

"İ expected for you to fight a bit more over this, not gonna lie"

"İ was more interested in the gameplay, rather than the prize itself. So being able to see the working mechanics was enough for me."

"Ah i see, maybe i can teach you sometime?" You asked innocently, not caring of the angry glares that turned to him as soon as you said that.

"İ belive the academia would bother us as soon as we got out, so that wouldnt be productive." He crossed his arms, knowing that this knowladge could profably get him killed. "But i do appriciate the tought, thank you, your highness"

Everyone hold their breath as the result was written in the stars.

AL HAİTHAM WAS THE İMPOSTER

-------------

Everyone, including the ghosts stayed in the positions they spawned in. What now? Do they do an emergency meeting again and vote zhongli off? But is this right to assume right away? Should they wait a bit longer for evidence?

Before the meeting cooldown ends, everyone finally made up their mind. They all went back to their tasks.

You almost finished all of them, but the bar was only half full. Acolytes are too busy trying to find the last imposter that everyone seem to forget doing tasks causes instant win.

This round was worse, the lights go out, random doors closing and opening, causing panic among people, but venti was nowhere to be seen. Maybe he is doing this because he paniced, He has to kill 6 players all by himself afterall.

EMERGENCY MEETİNG

Ei, Klee and Dreamy died

"hOLY shit- 3 people died?!" İtto screamed.

"This can only mean one thing.." childE said, he was the one that pressed the meeting button. "Mr. Zhongli, care to explain?"

Everyone in the room looked at both of them

"İm not sure what you mean, Childe, would you be as kind as to enlighten me?" He said calmly, but it was obvious that he was getting irritated.

"The whole round, the rooms were randomly opening and closing. İ can tell that was a trap to create confusion, windbornbard has experianced the same thing. Only the smart ones that are experianced with faking their identities can think of this trick."

Oh this was a personal attack-

"İ agree with your opinion, however, i suggest that you choose the next words carefully, afterall, there is only 3 players left. İf we happen to fail finding the imposter now. We might not win this game."

Foxlady stoped both of them, realising this conversation contains topics from Real life"now now, lets not fight, even though the prize is grand, it is just a game after all."

Yeah what is the prize anyway?

She added "But i must say, what you said is quite right, only the ones that has an experiance to fake their identities can in fact create confusion skillfully"

"See? She agrees with me-"

"Hey now, have some manners. Don't you know that it's rude to interrupt while a lady is speaking?" She teased. ChildE cursed himself for being overly exited while she continued;

"However, the reasoning for you to claim blockhead- ah i meant Mr Zhongli- is an imposter is not realy a strong one. Since everyone in this room have experianced acting as another person."

Venti jumped in "yeah, aren't YOU the one that uses a fake identity in the first place? Harbinger of shneznaya?"

"How curious," zhongli added "blaming people is exactly what the imposter would do. İf i hadn't known better, i would have said that you are the imposter that is trying to cover up."

Yae raised a Brow "hmm? Do you have something else to say?"

"Not that it matters of course, but i have noticed that my usually talkative friend seem to be rather silent." He eyed Venti "And we have accused hım for being an imposter before."

"İm just watching, as you guys make this whole game about yourselves. İ have been having fun with my tasks!"

"Oh realy?" Yae teased, "what was the last task that you have done?"

"İ... Uh... The wires?"

"Which ones?"

"İn the.... Upper part of the ship."

"İs there even wires on there?"

"Yes there is! İ meant the caffeteria!"

"You were having fun with matching colors? My aren't you childish~"

"İ uhh well- you asked me the last task i've done! Not my favorite one!"

"Why are you stuttering bard?" Zhongli pressed on.

"You never got questioned by the shrine Maiden?! She is scary" he whispered

"Of course not, unlike you, i am not someone that causes trouble."

"OH come on! Why are you all mean to me all of a sudden?!"

"Yeah im voting him." Said childE.

"İm only voting for you because you told me im scary and that hurt my feelings" she laughed.

"Well, Barbatos, any last words?"

"İ was sooo close, thats not fair ;;"

WİNDBORNBARD WAS THE İMPOSTER.

Crewmates win!!

__________________________

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.

.

.

Childe stoped you from leaving. "Your highness, do you have a moment?"

"İ guess? What is it?"

"Since this competition doesnt realy have öne winner. How do we know who won?"

"Zhongli, Yae miko and you won, because all of you survived untill the end."

"....does that mean you will go on a date with all of us..?"

"Wait what-? A date??"

"Fox lady said that the winner is going to have a date with you."

"İ DİDN'T KNOW THAT????"

"THEY DİDNT TOLD YOU?!"

_____________

The whole tevat was mourning their loss. The day you were killed by the hands of someone they knew you held dear, there were offerings to your shrine, silent appologies were made.

The weather was rainy, as the world cried with your followers.

This is the scene you were greated with as you walked towards the shrine that made for you, after giving the winner the... Prize...

"Uhh guys.. im not dead?"

"Sometimes we can still hear their voice..."

Your acolytes was eternaly happy for your short visit ("guys i didn't leave-"). You never died. Anyone could still feel your presence when they looked at the sky, to the infinity.

You are the

İnfinity.

The undying one...

"Oh your Grace welcome how have you been? :D"

"The game was fun and all, but do you guys have to make everything dramatic?"

"Speaking of the game, were you the one that found the imposter? But got killed because of it? "

"Man i wish. Maybe next time i won't die immediatly!"

______

[akutasoda]

HELLO HELLO 🐊 ANON. IS BACK HERE WITH ANOTHER WEIRD AHH REQUEST OR IDEA WHATEVER :333, soo may i pls pls request bsd men with a fem reader who is literally Krul Tepes from Owari No Seraph :D? Like she is an all mighty vampire queen idk i just saw her wiki but i dont know how to describe her personality 😭😭 i saw the anime a long time ago and i dont remember anything smh😢😢😢 but anyways thats all, could it be crack and fluff? :P the characters would be Fukuzawa (can u tell im a bif fan of this ancient man:3) Bram, Dazai and Mori (ofc if you write for him)

So heres the idea, fem reader like i said is a vampire too like Bram, she is a member of DoA but she didnt joined to 'end wars' she joined to end with humanity, like her wiki said 🤓🤓 she sees humans as mere cattle. But her wiki didnt said anything about her personality 😭😭 so i guess shes bratty and laizy bc she looks like it lol i love her sm.

Anyways thats all i have to say, if u dont want to make the request is fine i have other few ideas too lol, take care of yourself and drink water, thats all ty for reading me <3 also i saw u have a lot to write from other requests, no matter how late you make this one, take your time, the least i want you to be is stressed, byeee 🐊🐊

vampire among livestock

synopsis - how are they with someone like krul tepes

includes - dazai, fukuzawa, mori, bram

warnings - fem!reader, fluff, slight crack, wc - 755

a/n: hello hello anon!!!! i haven't actually watched or read ONS in ages either but we do love fukuzawa here.. take care of yourself aswell <3

osamu dazai ★↷

↪rather amused by the fact that the doa was harbouring two vampires among their ranks. and in honesty, he figured that you were probably just as concerning as bram and you both needed to be kept an eye on.

↪extremely intrigued when he heard that one of them, you, held the title of a 'queen'. he didn't understand why but it was interesting nonetheless and was curious as to how one obtained such a title.

↪mainly you for the fact that you're goals simply didn't stop at 'ending wars', you had a much wider goal of 'ending humanity' as a whole - seeing them as only mere livestock. this reminded him of fyodor a tad but atleast he only went after ability users.

↪your natural pride and temperamental nature definitely gave you an advantage at reaching your goal. dazai also sought a great amount of amusement from hearing your confident talks even when in battle.

↪what was also rayher noticeable was how you took a more natural role of leader even when you really weren't meant to - whether or not the other members would assist your goals or not was still unclear.

yukichi fukuzawa ★↷

↪the doa was already a loooming threat as is, he didn't need to learn that they had gained another member who also possessed vampire traits. it certainly was a concerning factor for the ada.

↪your rather excitable and outgoing personality definitely reminded him of a certain great detective, your slight bratiness didn't get really help either. that same sense of pride was definitely prominent aswell.

↪it was certainly interesting that you didn't share the same goals as your colleagues, not like you had to but it was certainly intriguing. although your goal was certainly more alarming and serious than just 'ending wars'

↪to him, your views on humans were certainly interesting... to say the least. he'd never ever seen someone that viewed humanity in such a derogatory way yet be so insistent on their beliefs.

mori ougai ★↷

↪for the most part, he stayed out of the doa affairs personally - only really sensing his own people to get involved. but he couldn't help bit become intrigued when news of two vampire like people being involved.

↪especially when he learnt that one of them allegedly held a title of 'queen', of what he didn't exactly know but it surely wasn't an everyday title. the same one who also apparently never held back in putting people in their place.

↪your goals, per say, were also extremely intriguing. seeing humans as mere livestock that would do anything for personal gain. he could see where you were coming from.

↪the natural sense of leadership that you carried certainly was challenging to overcome, especially paired with the pride that you carried yourself with. ypu certainly could become an issue, especially when you're desire to achieve your goals clearly wouldn't be stopped so easy.

bram stoker ★↷

↪when he first heard of the new member and then found out they were a fellow vampire like him, he was both relieved and slightly intrigued.

↪relieved, as he felt like you could be the only tolerable member of the doa. he didn't exactly want to be there and the people he was forced to work with weren't exactly the best. so he figured someone like you would be his only hope at getting along with.

↪intrigued, as he'd never met another vampire before - sure there were the one's under the influence of his ability but they were practically brain dead. you would be thw first vampire he met that he could actually talk to, even more intrigued by your title of 'queen'.

↪surprisingly enjoyed listening to you ramble on about how humanity were mere livestock - it was either that, complete silence or listening to fukuchi. bram could see where you were coming from and he could definitely help you if he chose to.

↪im honesty, he thought you were a better leader than fukuchi. you always took on a more authoritive role and he preferred when you did so, even more when you'd shut down fukuchi.

↪your temperamental nature could be a bit much for him sometimes but he adjusted to it when you started talking to him more often.

taglist - @little-miss-chaoss, @vi-chan07

[negrowhat]

Playing Mind Games

Hey friends; it's 2:30 AM and I come to you with a new trope character list. Master Manipulative Mains. These men have orchestrated tactics and falsified scenarios to land themselves the men that they want.

This is a trope that I don't necessarily dislike because I do like these characters and the overall relationship dynamics are some of my faves. I'm not saying these characters are bad boyfriends, but the way they went about getting these boyfriends were a bit questionable.

If I was on the receiving end these mind games I would be throwing hands immediately. Anyway, enjoy this list of my fave Manipulative BL Protagonists.

Payu from Love in the Air

I love Payu, I really do, but the man preyed on Rain's ignorance of car maintenance and tampered with the boy's car because he knew Rain would turn to him for help, he was counting on it. He wanted Rain to owe him so he could take advantage of a non-existent debt he created. Like sir. You could've just asked him out, you saw the way he was ogling you at that dinner party. Then he made Rain jump through hoops to prove he was good enough for him and didn't tell him about the car tampering until after they were well established.

Nubsib from Lovely Writer

Nubsib auditioned for a series his longtime crush, Gene, was the source writer for in the hopes of running into this man again. And then took advantage of his manager's friendship with that same writer and had him lie so that he could live with Gene. He tricked Gene into running lines with him so he could kiss him and had no intention of telling him that they were childhood friends. He just decided to wait until Gene found out on his own. He said he didn't want Gene to look at him like a younger brother so that's why he didn't reveal his true identity. Yea no, that's not how this works.

Gao Shi De from We Best Love: No. 1 for You

In order to be a memorable presence in his long time crush's life, Shi De had taken it upon himself to become Shu Yi's sole rival from grade school through college. He one-upped his unsuspecting crush in sports, competitions, and academics. He also conned Shu Yi into being his errand boy so they could spend time together. And then when they finally got closer he convinced his cousin who just so happened to be the Uni's doctor to let him use his infirmary to set up a lock-in Halloween sleepover with Shu Yi. The manipulation Olympics Shi De put himself through was unmatched.

Theo from Enchante

This man deserves an award for the manipulation tactics he went through to get Akk to confess to him first. He created a whole secret admirer to try to make Akk jealous and admit he liked him. Then he accidentally got the Uni's 4 most popular students to pretend they were his Enchante which further fueled his convoluted plan. Like he knew they weren't his admirer but he said nothing, I think it's because he could tell that Akk was jealous which was what he wanted. And then when the truth was finally revealed Akk just accepted it?? I guess he was just happy to find out Theo liked him. Couldn't be me.

Kim Jun Ho from Kissable Lips

This vampire planned to use his supernatural charm to make an innocent Choi Min Hyun fall in love with him so he could drink all his blood and become human. He literally took advantage of every moment they had together to try to drink his blood. Jokes on him, his ass fell in love. SMH.

Honorable mentions to Nuea from Secret Crush on You, because that man was very aware of Toh's crush on him and managed to convince Toh he was gonna teach him how to kiss but really he just wanted to smooch his little stalker because he liked him too. Not to mention that man stripped in front of Toh every chance he got, but honestly Toh was so into it that I can't even be mad.

[daenysthedreamer101]

TVD - s3 ep14

"Dangerous Liaisons"

First of all, I knew there was something up with Esther! I knew it! How was Elijah the only one who noticed something was off? Like...when he points it out to Rebekah she's dismissive and basically tells Elijah to stop being paranoid. And ofc my man was right as he always is. If I was a Mikaelson I would trust Elijah's instincts, but hey that's just me.

Why was Finn so willing to die? I mean I get it, he didn't ask to be a vampire (none of them did, obv) but you're really ok with dying and all your siblings dying...damn! 😭And Esther, I'm sorry you're such a hypocrite - them becoming vampires was all your fault! and once you saw what they turned into and all the negative side effects you have the gall and the audacity to be horrified...like babe, you were repeatedly told "Don't do this, it's dark magic, don't do it, it goes against nature" and you still did it.

You and your horrible husband literally murdered your own children, you put some dark magic on them (you didn't even know what it was gonna do to them) and then act all surprised when it turns out doing blood magic on someone is probably gonna have a negative influence on the person.

before season 3 I always asked myself (because I knew certain things about the story before watching the show) "After Henrik died, why didn't they just leave?" then Elena asked Rebekah that exact question in Ep 8 I think and Rebekah said "because of our father's pride" (something like that). So Esther and her crusty husband would rather choose to use blood magic on their children instead of just leaving the village and going somewhere else...like, what? 💀💀

If I was an Original, yeah I would also be pissed at my parents. Like you killed me (just for that - wtf, they are literally your children!?), turned me into a bloodsucking monster without my consent when you had the option of leaving, but no, daddy's pride is more important than our safety...I would continue living just to spite you, like ma'am, you don't get a say in my life anymore, not after literally conspiring to murder me and my siblings with our crazy, abusive father. You can both rot in hell!

Love Kol! Love him! He's so sassy and he is a menace ugh love him and he's really cute! 😊😊

(side note, but all of the Mikaelson brothers have nice voices, yes even Finn, I didn't think he would have such a nice voice. guess I'm just a sucker for a man with a nice voice lol)

7. ok, don't crucify me but I didn't really like Caroline's ball dress. It looked cheap and I didn't like the jewels thing on her waist. I liked Elena's dress more. I think Rebekah had the best dress, actually.

Also why exactly was Caroline there? Because Klaus had a thing for her? But why? Why was he so interested in her? Also isn't she still with Tyler at this point? And Klaus knows she's still with Tyler. Would she have gone to the ball if Tyler was in town? At the end of the night, she ends up arguing with Klaus and calls him out on his behavior (as she should) so... I really don't understand how she ends up with him. Throughout the entire third season, she kept on saying "Eww Klaus, he's so bad and creepy, ew!" but I know they're gonna be a thing in s4...so I guess I'll just have to continue watching?

Like, I'm sorry to any Klaroline shipper if they see this, but wasn't Klaus the reason why she was bitten? Klaus told Tyler to bite Caroline and then when she's on her deathbed he's like omg let me help Caroline...girl you are the reason she's dying, smh. And that's how they start their relationship..ok 🙄

I think that's enough, if you read this far, thank you ❤❤❤

[ralsky]

I hate how the most mysterious characters in the house is the fucking golden retriever vampire and the Dilbert-looking guy

I know that we know stuff about Nandor and it doesn't feel like he's mysterious because he's Nandor but he IS. And I know that we don't know much about Colin Robinson, because he's supposed to be this boring guy but I wanna know what he was up to before the others came along.

We know quite a lot of the human life of the other vampires and pre-house life of Guillermo :

Nadja : born in the 15th century, grew up very poor in a big family in Antipaxos, they were discriminated against because of their Gypsy blood. She lost a lot of family members (like her mom who was eaten by a bear) and the conditions she lived through made her the tough bitch we know her as. She either was turned by a vampire disguised as a serpent while she was throat-singing or by the Baron Afanas and chased off by her family and the villagers of her island. We know she's interested in fashion and music (songwriter and singer).

Laszlo : born in 1711, grew up rich and noble in England and was brought up by his nanny. He received an education and even went to Eton from where he was kicked out. He was turned by Nadja, was in the Sherwood Club, left it, met Sigmund Freud, was a sailor, was a pornstar, was Jack the Ripper, turned Elvis Presley, wrote famous songs with Nadja and we know about his interests (music, sciences, sculpting, cinema, porn).

Guillermo : born in 1992, was raised by a single mom in a lower class household in the Bronx. He's fascinated by vampires and wants to become one since he saw Antonio Banderas in Interview with the Vampire. He went to public schools. He was bullied through highschool with his best friend Jeremy. After highschool he went to work at a Panera Bread and met Nandor. He draws, seems to like Lego and watching TV and movies.

And then we have the other two :

Colin Robinson : born in 1921, apparently had a relatively normal childhood with normal parents, his father was a "Rupaul-type" person and his mother was boring and still is and we met his grandma once. He's 100% white. He likes his roommates, belly dancing and sifting through human shit??

Nandor the Relentless : born in 1262,had a mom and dad, was a soldier then a general in the Ottoman Empire, trained in the Al-Qolanudar army and became Supreme Viceroy of Al-Qolanudar at 17. Had a horse, Jahan, considered best friend that he had to eat to survive. Ransacked and pillaged many villages (including Nadja's) and was nicknamed "the Relentless" from said pillagings. Had 37 wives, was turned at some point and his wives left him. Was driven out of his country by peasants. He likes reading, dancing and basketball.

THAT'S ALL WE FUCKING KNOW.

And we don't even know if he was a Viceroy before or after training in the army. I have being saying lies like "oh Nandor was so good he rose through the ranks, he came from nothing blablabla" we don't know if he was born noble or peasant. We don't know how, why or when he was turned. We don't know any hindsight on how he felt in the army or what he did as a Viceroy or what he did after he was driven out THE GUY IS TOO MYSTERIOUS PLEASE TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF NANDOR PLEASEPLEASEPLE-

Edit :forgot Nandor liked basketball smh

Edit2 : Laszlo told us his age in s1 I can't believe I didn't noticed the moment he said it

[nikatyler]

Zeph 1.0

in other news we continue clowning for Astarion and letting him drink from us

(x)

Right so I don't know what or who to believe anymore in this goddamn game

I say goddamn but I still love it don't get me wrong

(x)

mum come pick me up i'm scared

now tell me why tf did i rush here with no spell slots left

yeah we're fucked, reload 💀

(x)

i may be a monster

(x)

I'm starting to get a headache but I wanna keep playing 🥴

Hyperfocus this, hyperfocus that, what about "I'm fully aware I should be doing something else or else I will suffer greatly but I can't stop and it's worth the pain" kinda focus

(x)

*You notice the blood's source* *Astarion approves* okay thanks??? 😂

(x)

"Can you imagine dressing entirely in red?" I'm not saving your ass when I create Ross for my next playthrough smh

(x)

I felt really really really bad about this and thought I was making a big mistake (I probably was 💀) but seeing only 7 % of players unlocked this? Yeah that's cool. Or maybe not. Idk I feel bad 💀

(x)

Trying to take down the bitch evil vampire again

Am I struggling? Mayhaps

We are Fucked™ lmao (that's a lmao of big pain not lmao of this is hilarious)

Alright let's try again

How do y'all not get attached and just play and stay cool because it's just a game. I'm 👌 this close to ugly rage crying lol stop being mean to my boy leave him alone stay away from him get a job

Not now duo dammit

...fuck

Yeah no I'm reloading and I'm just gonna fuck around the city a bit, I can't do this rn 💀

Okay so the strategy of 1) just go there 2) try not to die is not working too well in the big fights in act 3 for me 💀 oh well I'll try harder I guess

(x)

they need a pair of glasses smh

(x)

So I'm seriously considering throwing 2 weeks of gameplay in the trash just to get a better shot at a romance but…now I'm thinking about some tedious parts and ehhh 🫠

Is he worth it? He is worth it. Right?

Lmao I don't remember the last time a fictional character had a grasp on me like that. It's rather embarrassing really 💀 I'm too old to act like this aren't I 💀

(x)

Actually considering how bad today has been, reloading that far will probably Fix Me™ so I'm doing that right after a little afterwork nap

And if it turns out to be pointless or a bad idea I can always just switch back to the furthest point in the storyline I got, I won't overwrite that save

(x)

Sacrificing about 42 hours of gameplay 🫡 it's been an honor but I need the vampire's love more than oxygen. Reloading now 🫡

And I'm making sure to actually finish some quests I didn't the first time *cough* the shadow curse *cough*

(x)

I put him in Karlach's clothes...for science

(x)

HELP I'VE BEEN LAUGHING AT THIS FOR FIVE MINUTES NOW

(x)

I need to pickpocket people more. In the game I mean. Every time I succeed, I get a good giggle out of it 🤭

(x)

organ rearranger you say...can i...can i say something...

Okay we're all adults here right I can say it. Minors look away this isn't a safe space for you

Well let's just say I stole this for someone and he can rearrange my organs anytime okay byeeeeeeee

Well technically he stole it himself I just giggled with my finger ready on f8 in case things go badly 🤭

(x)

Okay so I just found that one reason why some things weren't going well for me was simply because I don't long rest enough in the game 💀

(x)

Me when I first started playing bg3: I hope there's a way to avoid a lot of combat, I hope I'll be able to just talk my way through Me now: woooo slaughter!! 😗

(x)

Nooo I was like "wooo yeah cutscene finally!!! is it happening?? are we so back???? we're so back amirite" and it's this guy 😭😭 (with all due respect i was hoping for something else 💀)

(x)

and it's only gonna get worse

let's goooooo

(x)

Does this game hate me or what

It's so joever it's so joever I'm just not getting any cutscenes in the camp lmao

My negative rizz is so strong not even videogame characters want me

(x)

You know what? I get her

(x)

WAIT HOLD WE ARE SO BACK

I USED TO PRAY FOR TIMES LIKE THIS *incoherent screaming*

I truly am the embodiment of this meme

I'm not even trying to scream anymore my voice is dead

I can't believe this actually happened so now I'm pretty much spamming the kiss, ignoring everything else

"I play for the plot" she said 🤭

(x)

my game crashed, good thing I save every five seconds otherwise I'd think about jumping off of very tall somethings

okay i actually lost like zero progress, jfc blessed day

(x)

Zeph you're standing way too close lol

(x)

"I'm gonna speedrun the parts I've been through about a week ago," she said, failing to realize she's not a good runner

There's no such thing as speedrunning this game lol. I just want to do everything always. Fight everything and open every crate and loot everyone 🤭

(x)

back to act 3 we go now that i've righted my wrongs 😌😌

(x)

wise words from daddy, wise words indeed

(x)

buddy you have one job

(x)

...okay?

(x)

"watch out for anyone acting STRANGELY" said by the guy who tries to suck your blood on like the first night of camping together but ok love whatever you say 💀

(x)

[lazyypumpkin]

Vampire movies I have been watching to keep me sane until season 3 of iwtv (Part 2)

Moving on to the sapphic vampire movies I’ve watched thus far

Wir Sind Die Nacht/ We Are The Night 4/5🌟

•does this movie really deserve 4 stars? Maybe not but I love it dearly anyway

•has the same feel as those slightly shitty fantasy books one consumes as a pre teen when one grows up in the 2010’s (based on a purely hypothetical example of course, I personally obviously never did that haha ha ha)

•could be SO good if they would’ve had the balls to make the main character bi

•shitty cop character that you just have to ignore to enjoy the movie

•One of the characters (Louise) is low key a genderbent Lestat?? Blonde ✔️ Obsessive about her love interests ✔️ Also insane but in a glamorous way ✔️

And did I mention a lesbian???????

•anyhow can you tell I’m obsessed with her

•loved the other characters as well, specially Nora and Charlotte (the main character is ok too)

•loved the atmosphere& cinematography

•the first 2/3rds of this movie are fantastic

•one of my favorite vampire turning/transformation scenes

•one of my favorite vampires being vampires and messing around montages

•this could really be a cult classic imo (specially if they just would have committed to the gayness even more)

•LESBIAN VAMPIRE YEARNING!!!!

The Hunger (1983) 4/5🌟

•didn’t like this one much either on my first watch and then rewatched it and was utterly convinced I loved it until right before the ending happened lol

•starts off with a goth club scene where Bela Lugosi Is Dead is playing (it’s so iconic)

•very cool cinematography

•Bisexual Vampire Yearning& Angst

•like seriously this movie is beautifully queer

•thought all the characters were interesting but did not buy that Catherine Deneuve was a vampire from ancient Egypt lmfao

•honestly feels quite anne rice-esque in essence to me

Carmilla (2019) 3,5/5🌟

•didn’t like it the first time I watched it but appreciate it more upon rewatching it several times

•i loved the idea of this movie but am not sold on the execution

•needed more scenes to build up the romance

•actors sort of have a face that looks like it knows what an iPhone is and that took me out of it

•Miss Fontaine was low key annoying and not in an intentional way

•loved the anatomy scenes, the insects& scenes of slow decay

•loved the cinematography& visuals

•BLOODY! SAPPHIC! KISSES!!!!!

•like genuinely when the movie was good it was very good but when it wasn’t good it was kind of meh???

•it could have been such a good movie smh

I still have a lot of lesbian vampire movies from the 70’s on my list so I will expand this sapphic section considerably (and probably cringe at a lot of male gaze-y shit lol)

[diagonal-queen]

thungo thursday pt2

ep 6 (put it under a cut because this one is LONG)

fukuchi be like 'the agency couldn't possibly be smart enough to- oh wait nvm i forgot ranpo existed lol' like more than once and i think that is testament to the fact that RANPO BEST BOY

'have you forgotten? we're terrorists' ICONIC BEHAVIOUR

man and i complain about doing one 37 hour work week. after this one week the agency needs to take a NAP. AND THE MAFIA TOO. imagine there's like just no criminal activity or anything for like three days and everyone's like ?? but on day 4 atsushi and akutagawa are fighting to the death at the port and everyone is like 'ah. business as usual' lmaoooo

omg every time the hunting dogs song comes on i get so hyped lmao im like yESSS ACTION

'that man, that demon, the evillest most scawy man ever in the world....etc etc' and its just some guy doing the most coy babygirl pose a guy can possibly do

wait DAZAI WHAT DID YOU DO. HOW DID YOU DO IT

taneda btw deserved none of this he was just some nice old dude and then sigma fucking stabbed him lmao

dazai is like the personification of the perjury mechanic in drv3. 'go on lie. you gotta. lie now. cmon pussy you wont'

OH MY GOD CHUUYA

my god fyozai is so fucking babygirl. also wdym dazai?? if the two of you were the last ones on earth you should just have gay sex. its not that hard smh

oh no dazai falled down through the flore

OH MY GOD MYKOLA AND SIGMA

BESTIE??

BESTIE?????

BESTIE????????????????

BESTIE??????????????????????

B

E

S

T

I

E

?

?

?

?

?

?

?

?

dm me if you want to receive a free 2min audio file of me laughing about this (i have a headache from laughing. my throat fucking hurts so bad. i'm pretty sure it's actually bleeding. my eyes are moist with tears. BESTIE???????)

do you even needa ask why i'm here?? ⭐️❤️☺️ *voice drops 6 octaves* i'm here to murder you 👹👹👹

and then after that fyodor was just like 'teehee he's so romantic x' like bro

dazai: *turns to the camera like he's on the office* waow

i love mykola's little laugh it's so silley

omg they're actually animating him so well. bones must've seen the reception from s4 and decided to step it up 💀

dazai and fyodor are simultaneously evil grown men and bimbo highschool girls and it's such a look. 'omg ur friends are so cute <3' 'omg right???' also mykola my beloved i want to be yours forever pls

i love how bram's acting all tough like aya can't just open the casket and leave and render him thoroughly powerless lmao

omg the official anime aya and bram sillies begin. we've been waiting for this for months folks so far so good

it was already pretty funny that aya is carrying bram like a backpack but actually seeing her running with him on her back is like a billion times funnier especially since this shit is life or death. but she just got a whole entire vampire on her back no problem sjhsksjssjhj

sigma: watashi wa shiguma me: fucking superb you funky little toddler

imagine if it was a fucking prank this whole time and mykola just injected them with a slow-working sedative or something that would be so funny. like all of this for nothing sksjksjsjks and then he just stabs fyodor or something the end. boom world save

oh ok nvm the vampires can talk just fine i guess lmao. also i genuinely cant tell if im supposed to be taking this episode seriously or not. one second people are being brutally slaughtered next moment silley little guys??? such is the way of bsd i guess

'you're a failure of a woman' my dude she is literally 10 years old she is nowhere close to being a woman shut your misogynistic ass up lmao

OKAY BECAUSE ok ok listen i was wondering what music they were gonna use for bram and when i heard the ending music i was like 'ok a little anticlimactic but i understand' and then it TRANSITIONED into the ACTUAL ENDING??? 10/10

hehe. bestie

[chichimarshmallow]

schmoochle headcanons !!

urgh im bored and i need to rant about my skrunklies so today i bring you some schmoochle headcanons,,,

rare schmoochle

youngest of the schmoochle family, at least 13-17 and have a height of at least 7-8 feet

mohawk man acts slightly more mature and tough than horned douche, horned douche is very silly and goofy and is just a very likable and pure boi in general but can get very serious rlly fast when arguing with their partner

one of them has a southern accent change my mind

and on the topic of voices they are very likely to sound like those young boys in anime who are voiced by females but with a slightly deeper tone especially mohawk man horned douche would probably sound more like namine ritsu lmfao

both are fluent in korean !!

mohawk is fruity asf and a lil more ahem seductive with their actions for example eating elongated foods like bananas and popsicles and long cream-filled pastries when they feel like it and it kinda makes horned douche cringe a bit but at the same time they don't rlly mind

mohawk man is also kinda a tsundere !!

they know how to play the electric guitar, very skilled at it also they're yearning to be rockstars &lt;;33 i mean cmon with a design like that u can not tell me it wouldn't be true bet me 200$ that they literally shred the electric guitar strings like their lives depend on it

again, with a design like that you can NOT tell me they don't wear chains and leather stuff and spiky bracelets and pentagram necklaces and other gothic/emo stuff if u tell me otherwise u lyin' also you'll prolly catch them at hot topic 25/8 no delays

to add to the electric guitar stuff they LOVE rock music and heavy metal it's their FAV music of all time

mohawk man likes rocky road ice cream, horned douche likes mint choco chip (my fav flavour btw) and mohawk man kinda despises them for it smh-

they're into horror games and horror movies, horned douche is a lil cowardly tho unlike their partner who kinda likes getting jumpscared and seeing their lover being a scaredy cat

to add to they're likes for horror they're also into the paranormal, they like spooki stuff like demons, witches, ghosts, vampires and stuff like those and will read about them

common schmoochle

oh now where do i even start with these two,,,

erm they are very floofy and perfect for hugging,,

horned dude is a chill and outgoing gentleman to be around and is a talker, and ponytail gal is kinda shy and not as talkative as their partner but is very sweet you might get diabetes, also they're kinda sensitive and horned guy's a bit protective for that specific reason

they're like the middle family members, young adults at 18-19 and can be about 8-9 feet tall perfect size to be given a big ol' bear hug by them hehe,,,

fluent in japanese !!

sometimes they'll go to watch the beautiful scenery of the sunset/sunrise while sitting on top of a hill or sumthn

ponytail gal loves wearing bows and jewelry hence why my design for them has their ponytail tied up with a red bow and they have a pink heart ring on their finger, their partner is likely to kinda spoil them with exactly those things, if it's pretty enough to look good on them then they'll get it

ponytail gal is also one of those kinda ppl that are easily distracted by cute and fluffy things, if they see anything that they claim to be cute they will STARE RESPECTFULLY and will even try to touch it; for example if they see cat *ahem* cataliszt- then they'll react just as how i described it

boba dates every now and then !! horned guy doesn't like boba that much but will surely get some for their partner who is a boba lover, may also go for sweet treats as an extra deal for their little dates,,

i'll have you bet me 50$ that horned guy is both a flirt and a tease and will use those traits on their partner just to see them flustered just because they want to and they think it's cute.

ponytail gal likes peaches, not too fond of the tart/sour tasting ones tho they prefer the sweeter ones. they also like strawberries but again will dismiss the sour tasting ones for the sweeter tasting ones

ponytail is also slightly touch-starved,, may require hand holding and headpats and snuggling from their partner every now and then which their partner rlly doesn't mind at all,,

try and tell me they don't like playing dating games i'll instantly disagree with u

as for their voices they will sound like uzi and n i can hear it everytime i look at them if you try and tell me otherwise then get out rn >:((

epic schmoochle

i mean ofc epic schmoochle resembles elderly love so ofc they're gonna be the oldest of the schmoochle family and i'm talking mature adults so they're 20+ years old and ofc i can guarantee they're the tallest out of everyone so they'll be about uhhh 9+ feet tall

in personality they are motherly and fatherly with their younger common and rare cousins so basically they're also the parental figures, they're also the same in personality when it comes to being aorund other monsters

married couple, that's all i gotta say !!

fluent in chinese !!

will sometimes go stargazing for their dates, they like watching the night sky and looking at silly constellations while having a nice chat

since they're made of chocolate and candy their hardness depends on temperature, if it's hot they're gonna start melting which could cause problems for them, if it's cold then they're good

having to put up with the other schmoochles' shenanigans especially rare schmoochle those kids be doing the most lmfao is kinda a tough job for them but they are able to make it work

speaking of that whenever the schmoochles watch a movie and an inappropriate scene comes up epic schmoochle are always the ones to shield their cousins eyes so they don't have to see it lmfao

art is a hobby they enjoy the most, they're good at it too

they flirt with each other 24/7 and if other monsters don't like it then they can leave &lt;3

pigtails has a sweet high pitched motherly voice with a southern accent and grandpa (sorry lmfao i had to i mean cmon LOOK AT THAT HAIRSTYLE) has a deep voice and a british accent

that's all i got for now and my boredom is officially gone now so waheyyy,,, 🎉🎉🎉

[circle-bircle]

purging a bunch of stuff from my drive... gosh there are still a lot of things i want to write but it's hard to tell what's there when some of my file names are "gh384t90g8h" or "2" as i look through the drive i will put in this readmore any cool ideas i come across (mostly ff some fe and gbf and will sort them by fandom if ur into it)

please know i am deleting all of these drafts as i go along so if you want me to post snippets of what i have tell me in like 3 days before they are permanently deleted

fic titled "virgin in the dynamo" where i make vigorous reference to henry adams in my ff2 emperor redemption fic... well ok then!

doc called "BACK ON MY BULLSHIT" is an isekai for ff2. i've written a few of those but i haven't liked how any of them have turned out. idea for another day

more emperor fics; i have some where y/n gets fired as a servant, some reverse isekai drafts, and i have about a good long chunk of drafting for another vampire au where (spoiler alert) the emperor is not a nice guy and murders a bunch of people in the first chapter. the drafts are still there but i just don't know where to take the fic in the last stretch.

another emperor fic but this time it's an arranged marriage au (y/n is a noble of altair and i take the book canon and shake it vigorously)

edward chris von muir reverse isekai - i remember writing this. some really bad irl stuff happened and edward was the character i wrote a fuckton of to cheer me up. i'd still like to write it properly. in another fic i wrote an arranged marriage au and i still think i could write it and it'd be fun

doc titled "k"; rewrite of an old fic with zidane & kuja with the in veno veritas vibes... i'd like to post it but it's not done so it won't get posted

i write a 210 fic in firion's pov where tidus gets lost and firion comes to help him. hehe!

more tidus ideas; one of them was where y/n was a nurse taking care of tidus, another idea that i still might write where y/n is a total stalker of tidus and makes him love them... i still want to write that.

seymour fic with another isekai... circle be creative sometimes smh!

some gorefic of ravus nox fleuret... i really don't talk about ffxv but ravus is one of my favs i think he's so cool

"2" is a fe15 gray high school au. it's goofy i guess

more kurth ideas; i wrote a dreamsharing fic with him as well as a timeloop? i could have SWORN i published the timeloop fic but i don't think i did. i got 4k words into the draft. whatever, down the trash it goes!

doc titled "UNKIE JANNIE" where janaff takes care of a wounded shinon...

i've written a janaff/reader and a janaff/reader/ulki but not an ulki/reader. none of the ideas i have have been any good though and i still feel like they're not cute enough.

"the ranch fic" where shinon fucks a bottle of ranch. nsfw but an ex-friend did it out of curiosity and then he told me not to tell anyone but then he aired my dirty laundry so i air his dirty laundry back.

more in lewd news for shinon/janaff i tried to write a motivation chapter 2 but i never could decide on what shinon was going to do. i had a couple ideas, like shinon and janaff meeting up and fucking or continuing their parasocial relationship. in my latest drafts of it shinon was going to doxx janaff and say the most egregious sort of stuff before going back to his NEET ways (now without a purpose because janaff would be disinterested) but i couldn't make it as sexy as the first chapter so i just didn't finish it

nordion vampireverse multichap fic titled "diarmuid chomps" where it's not actually about diarmuid at all and febail gets really sexy and saves y/n from the evil vampires... i wrote that fic twice but neither are any good. idea for another time

speaking about nordion vamps, doc titled "sex sex sex sex sex sex" where the vamps get down and dirty with y/n. OTL i want to post it but it's incompleted as FUCK so it won't see the light of day ever

kempf mermaid au i would have posted for mermay if i knew how to write it. but every draft i did just wasn't right and i think fe is too technologically historic(?) for what i want to happen so i might write it with some other fandom instead

found my resume! been lookin 4 that

a kyd wykkyd fic... i had a moment

did i ever post a grimnir fic about hanahaki? i've written it a couple times but i don't think i liked any one of the drafts i wrote. an idea for another day!

there's also a lobelia fic where the captain goes to try and find him a hobby that isn't death related. music didn't work and at the end of the draft djeeta is trying word searches and crossword puzzles. i guess miscellaneous stuff, i wrote more lobelia fluff that wasn't published soo

i feel like i kept up deleting stuff so there is not much else. but that's all!!!!

[rosemariad]

SPN Season 8

Dean & Cas ended up in purgatory 😨

But Cas had disappeared just before the end of the S7 finale, so its going to be interesting to see where he went. Dean, meanwhile is totally fucked up, which makes sense cuz he was stuck in purgatory for a year. To me, he's become more militant than ever, like his father was after John lost Mary. Doubt John would have worked with a vampire but it seems like new ally Benny was Dean's only way out of there so 🤷

Interesting that Dean said purgatory was pure to him. I guess it was basically simplifying his life down to fighting monsters and having someone at his side to help him through. Also I interpreted it as he was so far removed from normal life, for conventional norms and societal expectations. The rules were different in purgatory, which was basically to survive, no matter what, which Dean managed to do the whole time he was there. So anything else he did, didn't really matter, because everything/everyone else around him was a monster, supernatural creatures, who don't care about anything humans do. In a way, you could say Dean was free to be whoever he wanted to be, just you know in a place full of ravenous beasts.

Sam buddy, how could you neglect Kevin like that, smh 🙄, he was counting on you. Did his new ex-girlfriend die by the way? Cuz considering Sam's track record, my money's on dead.

When they were interrogating the prisoner and Dean flashbacked to his time in purgatory interrogating a monster, yikes. Yup, Dean is definitely fucked up. I mean more so than before.

Kevin's mom may be a tiger mom, but she is a total badass 😎

We finally see Cas again, it was cute seeing Dean hug Cas after finding him again. It made sense that Cas would be on the run to protect Dean, but it would be nicer to see them survive together. Maybe we'll see that in the next couple of episodes?

Garth came back! It was nice to see him again. I guess his Bobbyisms (that's what I'm calling it) were his way to honor Bobby since he's dead 😔 RIP Bobby.

Dean yelled at him :/ not cool Dean, but Garth stood up to him, good on you Garth!

Cas returned to the world finally. But I agree him just showing up again out of nowhere is hella shady, but of course heaven is behind it. We meet Naomi, who seems controlling and manipulative like all the other heavenly beings on the show, so greaaat!

Poor Samandriel 😔

Cas is still taking things so literally, its hilarious!

Cas wants to be a hunter like the Winchesters. But they were so mean to him, being all condescending like yeah we get it Cas is an odd fellow who doesn’t know how interact with humans or understand their behavior as only fellow humans do. The cartoon stuff was interesting, something new and funny.

Benny's a great grandpa? Are we just going to ignore that? Dean you think you slick not telling the vampire you hit on his descendant? That storyline had a tragic end, doubt we'll be seeing his great granddaughter again…

Sam and his overarching story with this latest girlfriend of his - I'm just waiting for the part where she dies - again nothing personal that’s just what I’ve come to expect. That was cold of Dean to make Sam think Amelia was in danger. Like dude the what the hell. If it had been Dean, worse shit would have popped off.

😭 Samandriel is still getting tortured, so again I say, poor Samandriel and then he gets killed by Cas who was getting mini flashbacks of being tortured himself by Naomi. Poor little angel dudes 🥺

The LARP episode! I was looking forward to this one! I know about Dean's actor falling in the blooper reel, they made it into a whole thing in the conventions around the time… 😂

Charlie’s back, and as the queen of the LARPing stuff. Cool! But she got her chances of getting with a fairy ruined by the Winchesters, of course!

When Charlie and Dean mentioned the same porn star by name 😂🤣🤣

That little Braveheart scene at the end was so corny 🤣

It was interesting and somewhat ironic that Sam and Dean meet their grandpa who they never knew of, since their dad lost contact with him when he was really young, and that he was part of this (club?) group called the Men of Letters who are apparently this organization with books on supernatural creatures, spells, etc. their grandpa had no respect for regular hunters 🤣🤣🤣🤣

RIP Grandpa Winchester. And we have a new villain – Abbadon

Kevin you poor bastard, all isolated and run ragged from your duties as a prophet. He really got a raw deal when Castiel plucked him into this shit.

Sarah noooooooo RIP 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

And Castiel, honey you should know better. I mean the minute that bitch ass Metatron was talking about trials and what has to be done, I knew he was playing you. Honey no!!!! 😔🤦🏾‍♀️

One last thing - y’all thought I’d forget didn’t you. I could never!!!

Dean buddy - wtf is up this season.

First you stay a whole ass year for an angel you were previously mad at.

You had some sort of intense relationship (I’m not even sure what to call it) with benny the vamp (I felt like there was so much more unseen)

A guy flirts with you when you’re acting as an FBI agent, and it flusters you completely, referring to it henceforth as ‘your gay thing’ in tones that make it seem commonplace. Is it commonplace, Dean? Cuz Sam wasn’t the only one who did a double-take

When Castiel beats you and has you on your knees, you beg him telling him you need him. OML!

You get all sad when Naomi says you’re expecting Cas to return to you UGH!

Seriously WTF Dean?!?!?!?!

[eldest-sibling-tournament]

Let the propaganda begin. Katniss Everdeen should win. Her entire story is defined by her being a sister. If she wasn’t a sister the whole story wouldn’t have happened. Her volunteering for prim is the core of her character. It’s who she is. She’s got the sister instinct. From when she was a young kid until the very end of the series her primary priority was her sister. And it’s a fucking tragedy the way it ended. She lost the most important person in her life, the perosn she sacrificed everything for.

Now on why dick Grayson shouldn’t win. I’m just gonna say it I like his character, I really do he’s great but he’s not more older sibling that katniss. He’s a good eldest but it’s not his core. At his core he’s a hero, which is where is varies from katniss. I think that while he started off his journey to being a hero as a super angry vengeful kid he grew to be a compassionate hero who cared primarily about others (why does that sound so testimonial), katniss on the other hand her core is her love for her family. In terms of inter personal relationships, common misconception about dick Grayson is that he’s very close to all his siblings, this is false, he’s closest to Damian and Tim. Although some versions of him should not be allowed siblings (looking at you titans nightwing 🤮)

I’m actually struggling to slander this man bc I’m gonna have to take things out of context which are true but feel like I’m doing something wrong, I’m already stretching with some of the stuff I’ve said and look I’m anon and stuff but I’ve talked up anti dick propaganda but I do actuallt like him I just don’t think he should win this by poll in a very genuine way. Each time I think of something I’m like “personally could justify his actions” bc I’ve spent so long analysing his characters decisions someone pls help

Wait I got one remember in the alt universe where he’s the vampire king and killed like all of his siblings and stomped Tim’s head like a water melon, and then 10 mins later he was like “why don’t my brothers want to be vampires with me 🥺🥺” hmmmm I wonder why idiot. Um uh oh I got it, whatever the fuck that was with new 52 (were really gonna go there). He was such a mess there. Like that one comic storyline with mother, he did not act well they weren’t even really siblings in that and like Grayson smh real DICK move (I’m so funny) (don’t tell me the context I know Bruce made him) and like smh not telling your siblings you’re actually alive and your dead sibling come back to life coming back and finding you’re dead for you actually yo not be very rude.

Ig what I’m saying is katniss deserves this win. But dick Grayson is a good brother. But katniss deserves to win. She is THE older sister. So Uh sorry if this doesn’t make sense or w/e i just woke up. Vote katniss 2023

thank you!!

[munsonology]

NO CAUSE YOU MENTIONING THOSE ALIEN SEX BOOKS MADE ME THINK ABOUT THIS ONE BOOK I READ i dont remember much but there were werewolves, ok cool. But then it got into like omegaverse A/B/O stuff.

It was very formative for me at a young age I cant describe it. I may or may not still enjoy a good fic of that kind BUT ALSO

I'll never forget when I was a kid at my local library THEY PUT AN ADULT ROMANCE BOOK IN THE WRONG SECTION so here comes 12 year old me who was reading YA books and I saw this historical book in the kids section (cause the Nancy drew books were in the kid section not the YA section and I liked a good mystery). Im 12 I think I'm big, an Adult even. Bitch I grabbed this book and took it home and I read the first 6 chapters and got bored. So I flipped halfway through and opened it. "He thrust in her" bitch I was like he thrust what? I READ THE HALF THE SCENE BEFORE REALIZING WHAT WAS HAPPENING AND I WAS SCANDALIZED. My mom asked me how the book was and I was sat there like 😟 CAUSE HOW DO YOU TELL YOUR MOM "OH HEY I JUST READ A SEX SCENE"

OH MY GOD WE MUST BE TWINS! I just had so many random thoughts about this so I’m just gonna list them all 😭

My nana had all her historical romance bodice ripper books on the bottom shelf of her nightstand. There were 2 stacks and I’d go through the covers not even knowing what I was looking at. I’d read the harlequin website in 8th grade cuz they had the harlequin blaze line that had free chapter updates every week 🤭

And my dad kept all his maxim/fhm mags in the bathroom and I’d read those too 😭 they really did have a some good articles between all the tits and ass! I couldn’t wait to have tits I was so fascinated

My mom and I are night owls so one time during the pandemic there was literally nothing on so we were watching this cheesy vampire movie turns out it was PORN ON CINEMAX 😭 all the signs were there too should’ve known tbh…..And why did Cinemax porn only show doggy and literally nothing else??? Some of them had good storylines too 😭

And all those teen books in the mid 00s were kinda raunchy too. I should go and reread all the series I didn’t finish lol. I reread the little romance scenes in the private series and watched the web show 😭 josh Hollis was my first book crush

Anyway now I read dirty kindle books with shitty covers or the same cover artist. I bought probably the worst book I’ve ever skimmed smh!!! I love the alpha male books but this guy was like alpha male could kill you level concerning. And everybody knew! And there was like no trigger warning for sensitive topics and the ending made no fuckin sense 🙃

Conclusion: I’m whore I just don’t have a guy to be a whore with 🫠