#Bursts into tears
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creature comfort
“We won’t win today,” Cleo says, and Etho knows she’s right. Knows their time has been running out since the first secret was whispered to them in voices all too familiar, has known that this day was coming, has known that all this time, it’s not been a question of if–it’s been a question of when.
They’re going to die today. Distantly, Etho wonders if the domesticity they’ve worked for will die with them, or if it will follow them back home.
Will his home ever be a physical place again? Home is where the hearth is, where the warmth is, where the world is shut out and it’s just the three of them.
Home is where Cleo is.
“That’s alright,” Etho smiles instead of voicing all of that, wishing, of all things, that he didn’t still have that awful cough that Cleo had insisted he rest over for a few days. “We’ll be alright.”
They’ll be dead–and what are the dead, if not alright? The dead don’t have coughs, or pain, or fear. They’re just dead. Etho thinks he might not mind it so much, this time. He’s finally learned to spend his time wisely, and he’s built a home no flaming arrow could ever take down.
Just by the cow pen, there’s a stupid little porch Etho had built a while back. They’re nowhere near it now, but every night he and Cleo had watched the sunset, drank a final cup of tea, and turned in to sleep over gossip and giggles only they could draw from each other this time ‘round. Before, Bdubs had made him laugh like that–now, Etho wonders how long before there’s a sword at his throat.
Even so, while Cleo laughs and watches him set Scar’s porch on fire, Etho hopes he might have the privilege of watching the sunset from the porch one last time. He’d survive the day, if only for another sunset with Cleo.
BANG.
Tango’s gone–Etho knows it in his heart. Surely he should feel an ache for him, should ask how he went. Instead, it’s easy to accept it.
The wardens are fun. That’s all they are, now. Before, they had been terrors, then the answer to a desperate prayer he and Grian had made. The carnage of those terrifying beasts feel muted compared to before, but with the wind flying through his hair, the elated cries of Cleo in front of him, Etho can’t care. Not this time. They lead two clear to the middle of the server before they’ve decided to finish having their fun, and Cleo’s just stepping up some rocks when she says it.
“You’re my favorite, you know that? You’ve always been my favorite.”
He does know, he does know now. He’d guessed it that first sunset, when Cleo sat down with a giddy smile to recount their day. He’d thought it, when she’d wrapped a blanket around his shoulders after his failures and rested her head on his shoulder without a word. He’d lived it, when she had shouted that she would kill him if he tried to kill her–but was reassured otherwise that night on the porch again, with the curse ebbing from his bones.
Today, he knows it in the blatant rebellion against what’s supposed to be the end, the dread, the fear.
“You’re mine too.” Etho grins back, and knows that they’ll see his smile even through the mask–knows they’ve come to recognize it in his tone and way his eyebrows scrunch together. .
They wind up in the sky base with Grian–Grian, who hasn’t quite reached the same conclusion they have. Etho knows by the shadows under his eyes he won’t give up, that he’ll fight clear to the end. Once upon a season, Etho had been the same.
Not this time. Never this time.
Around ten minutes to sunset, Etho and Cleo set down their dripstone and bows, and sit on the edge of the cobblestone wall.
“I don’t think we’re gonna make it back to our base for it this time,” Etho jokes, nudging his shoulder into Cleo’s. Cleo laughs, a carefree thing, and wrinkles her nose.
“I don’t think we’re gonna make it back for it any time, if we’re being honest.” She leans back, one hand half behind her to support her weight.
“I know,” Etho says. He brings his leg up to his chest, wrapping his arms around it. Behind them, cobblestone is placed–Grian, ever the survivor. “It was nice, though.”
“It was nice!” Cleo beams. “Are you alright with this?”
“Yeah, I think so,” Etho hums. “‘s not so bad. Dying with a friend.”
“It won’t be,” Cleo agrees.
Because that’s just it, isn’t it? Etho’s never died like this–he’s died at the flames of an arrow shot while protecting his king, he’s died in fights after his allies were killed. Hell, he’s died hand in hand with a soulmate hellbent on killing him now–but he’d been in a frenzy then, a rage-induced thing meant to burn up the place that had never been a true home to them.
He thinks he won’t mind dying with someone.
The sun sets in brilliant hues of orange and pink, and they sit together, this final tradition not lost in the face of inevitability. Just as the first star twinkles, Grian comes over, hoisting them back to their feet.
“They’re coming,” he says.
It’s time.
They shoot a few arrows, break some dripstone, all to no avail–but that’s alright, he’s got Cleo, and they’ve got him.
But oh, the games are never kind, are they? Etho slips, his foot landing weird somehow–and he’s whistling through the air towards the ground at a speed too fast. It knocks the breath from his lungs when he lands–does he hit the clutch? Stars, he doesn’t actually know, because there’s arrows shot at him, shouts of glee from the hunters, and suddenly Etho’s not Etho, he’s just prey–and prey only know to do one thing.
Run.
Etho flies forward, dragging his sword out. There’s not many safe spaces left on the server–stars, Grian had even mentioned their base was but a crater in the hill.
But the porch… the porch was intact. Supposedly.
He enderpearls, and enderpearls again, and it’s still not enough. The screams behind him are closer, and closer, and then further–and oh, Etho knows it’s time. He’s dead, he’s gone, he’ll be but a wisp of the wind in a few minutes whether he likes it or not.
And he won’t die by Cleo.
Cleo, Cleo, Cleo. Oh, he’d not meant it to be like this. He’d meant to die with a smile, right by her side–just as they were meant to die by his. This wasn’t the plan, this wasn’t the plan. A sob claws its way up his throat, the beginnings of the blind panic he’d never meant to feel tonight. He’s going to die, alone, without the comfort of his Cleo.
Home. He wants to go home.
Home is in the air, a hundred blocks above him. He’ll never make it–but he can make it back to the porch, the one place of peace. Now, he can feel the twinge of something broken in his ankles, probably from the fall–and the cuts, the bruises, the blood scent thick in his nose. He’s so tired.
He wants to die at home, he wants to die at home.
“Oh, he sounds like a wounded animal… let’s put him out of his misery.” A voice said. Cold fear grips Etho’s heart, and he stumbles forward–the porch is in sight!
Let him die at home. Let him die at home.
A shadow fills his vision, and Etho’s not even had time to lift his shield before blinding pain fills his stomach, and it’s over.
He’s not allowed that creature comfort of dying at home.
#secret life#secret life smp#ethoslab#zombiecleo#cletho#secret life spoilers#my fics#tw death#I don't have an explanation at all for this#Is this cohesive?? i wrote it in a daze. in under thirty minutes#if it's not great OH WELL#this is how i am coping#god i'm never gonna feel okay again about them#never ever#i'm fucking insane#bursts into tears
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hesh "I do not ever regret who you became, no matter how inhuman you've learned how to act. you are my little brother" & logan "inside my heart there's a little kid who yearns to live down the hall from my older brother forever" walker
#bursts into tears#talk#walker brothers#i havent slept writing walker brother angst on tumblr is the mind killer#call of duty ghosts#logan walker#david hesh walker#hesh walker#david walker#this bitch transgender w how many names he got lowkey
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Armand surgical malpractice meta (spoilers for TVA)
It’s, at least from what I’ve seen, a pretty popularly agreed upon conception that Armand’s mutation of Claudia b4 her death as described in TVA didn’t actually happen..partly bcus it’s such a drastic and grotesque retcon from her death in interview with the vampire so lots of ppl don’t want to address it as canon, and partly bcus it’s so bizarre and seemingly unprompted in context that it just seems more plausible that Armand would make this up as some sort of twisted shock value rather then actually do it. I used to buy into this theory and never rlly thought about it beyond that, and today for the first time I thought about it deeply and realized. Damn I rlly disagree! I think that Armand 100% canonically chopped Claudia’s head off and sewed it onto an adult body. I believe it happened as told. And I have many reasons !
First and foremost I don’t think that Armand is actually capable of lying so deliberately in this context. Interpreting most tvc narrators as potentially lying to our faces and intentionally twisting events to suit a narrative and a purpose of dictating our perception of them is, I think, accurate and justified, and smth I love about this fandom. Everyone is not to be trusted 100%, especially Louis and Lestat, who are said and implied many times to have completely fabricated some events in the books for the sake of painting a picture. Tvc serve as this over arching plot about multiple conflicting characters manipulating events of their lives to suit a narrative that we as the audience can pick apart and discover the truth within. Very much “this bitch said WHAT about me?? that dumb cunt is always spreading lies smh, it actually happened LIKE THIS” (they r both not telling the full truth). Armand however is very much an outlier here, and it’s part of what makes TVA so unique as a chronicle. It’s a big part of his character throughout the series, in TVA and leading up to TVA, that Armand’s way of thinking is so dysfunctional and his memory is so flawed (bcus of all his trauma) (and neurodivergence) (imo) that he isn’t able to fully conceptualize the events of his life as chronological and meaningful in the way that one would need to do to be able to write a memoir.
He can’t describe events in broad strokes, or wrap his head around a vast emotional impact in a way that is explanatory or intentional. Think of that conversation he has with Daniel in queen of the damned, where he explains that he isn’t capable of telling Daniel what his life in the past “was like” because that’s a concept incomprehensible to him. He only knows what happened, not what it was like, not how it affected him or how it shaped his personhood, what it means etc. It’s a form of dissociation almost. The vampire armand is the first time in Armand’s vampiric life that he self reflects beyond acknowledging events and his emotions in that moment, it’s the first time he attempts to make connections and understand himself in a way that is narrative and structured and not fragmented bits of history and A names. Part of this requires further dissociation. I definitely get the impression that since Armand is being so vulnerable in a way he is so unused to, yet is so significant, he is unable to register while he’s talking that not only David, but millions of people including every vampire in the world, will know what he says. He’s just laying himself completely bare, he’s talking and talking and only once he finishes realizes oh. Oh. everyone’s going to read this huh. It’s so cathartic he doesn’t consider that in the moment. It’s the first time he’s ever been capable of reckoning with his life in a self reflective way, of looking at it and explaining it and reasoning with it, structuring it in order, not fragments, etc, seeing the cause and the impact and touching on an overall conclusion (tho he never entirely gets there). These baby steps are so difficult for him already, and considering this part of his character I really think it’s a stretch to say that Armand would be capable of the thought process in his book of pure venting to go “maybe I should twist the truth here or change this or add this or lie about this so people will think of me this way or so Lestat can see this, etc” TVA is unreliable, more so bcus of how mentally ill armand is and how little he understands his own life and emotions, but not deliberately like iwtv and tvl. Armand even says that the book was for Benji and Sybelle, but it’s so unfiltered and horrific and vent-like that this sounds ridiculous. He doesn’t even have his stated audience in mind while he’s telling his story, let alone his broader audience. The audience was a complete afterthought, a barely registered consequence. So why would he lie about Claudia? How would he be capable?
it’s another common piece of conversation around this part of TVA where we go, Armand discusses how he never would want to tell this to Louis bcus he knows how badly it would hurt him, so why did he describe it so graphically? Well, cause of all I mentioned. It seems pretty clear to me that armand is almost haunted by the affair with Claudia, and he has no way of lying about this, so his descriptions seemed very much to me like a desperate bit of venting. He has never told anyone how horrific it actually was and it’s always been in his mind, so he just lets it all out. Makes sense, but the broader question is, if Armand wasn’t lying…why did he do that at all?? This I think is so interesting.
To understand this I had to think a lot about Armand’s motivations for killing Claudia at all, which is well, simply, revenge against Lestat and claiming of Louis without barriers. If Claudia dies Lestat will be sad and Louis will be mine and mine alone 👍👍 etc. but Claudia’s mutation was not rooted in either of these motivations, which is part of why it’s so shocking. He didn’t do it to hurt Lestat, lestat never found out. It just seems so odd and unprompted. But once I thought more about why Armand hates Lestat, and why he wants to hurt him by killing Claudia, it started to fit into place. Armand’s hatred for Lestat is rooted very much in his twisted resemblance to Marius that he perceives as being very strong and basically mocking. When he first sees Lestat in tvl he’s repulsed by him instantly bcus he sees him as this parody of Marius, this beautiful blonde man in striking red robes who boldly and carelessly defies the laws of vampires established by the children of Satan as if they are meaningless to him, revels in the indulgent world of humans like he belongs there, shamelessly as armand devotes himself to miserable repression. It strikes a nerve for armand, feels very personally offensive to him, like the embodiment of the traits that got Marius’s destroyed r coming back to mock him in his face. And then as he gets to know Lestat more deeply he only hates him more, bcus Lestat is not only bold and careless, but he’s immature and stupid, and he knows nothing. Armand in his horribly traumatized mind set registers Lestat as “like Marius” and takes this to mean “maybe he can save me, maybe he will teach me and free me from this hell, guide me and give me the purpose I need to be given.” But Lestat does not do this, lmfao. He actually destroys any sense of purpose armand had, rips him from his safety net, and when Armand begs for guidance, asks to be allowed to travel alongside Lestat so he can learn to be a person again, Lestat denies him. The only purpose he bothers to give him is the scraps, symbolic of his perverse indulgence that Armand despises, and fucks off. Lestat is grotesquely reminiscent of Marius, in the worst ways. It’s like his presence alone opens Armand’s eyes to how badly Marius has ruined him. He was the sun, the purpose, the guiding light, and then it was ripped away, and there was nothing else without him. Just a void.
So Armand hates Lestat for this very personal mockery of his own plight, and this hatred spirals into unbridled rage when Lestat returns to him and expects Armand to give Lestat the assistance that he denied him. Not only this, but Lestat found Marius, found marius and was granted guidance and love that Marius refused to give Armand after his indoctrination into the children of Satan. And Marius told Lestat to never ever do what he did, never make an Armand, because Armand was a mistake, he was too young to be a vampire, and now he’s a mistake he will never forgive himself for. And with this immense privilege that Armand spent a huge chunk of his life yearning for, guidance from Marius when he was his most lost, Lestat decides to disregard it. He decides that since Marius said it was bad to turn a child as young as Armand, he’d turn a child even younger then Armand, just cuz. He is once again the embodiment of Marius’s sins, the grotesque parody. Marius turned a teenager, Lestat turns a five year old. It’s almost cruel in how mocking it is, almost intentional in how personal. So Claudia is this child, this deliberate mistake made by someone who knew her turning would be harmful to her but was selfish enough not to care, then went on to regret it when he has to reckon with the consequences. Seem familiar? Armand sure thought so. So I imagine that being alone with Claudia, looking this deeply sad reflection of his own agony in the eyes, knowing she is about to die for justice against a warped parody of his Maker, for the sake of punishment for her own existence, I imagine this struck a cord of insanity in Armand’s fucked up mind, caused him to loose his absolute shit for just long enough to go what if I can fix her, what if I can turn this narrative around, give her the remarkable ending I know deep down that she, I , will never be granted. What if I can give her a body that will reflect her mind? What if I can make this abomination into a miracle? No wonder he pulled out the surgical tools 😭 No wonder he was so horrified by his own actions when he came to his senses, no wonder he refused to share this, kept it to himself for so long, until he finally broke and confessed it all in a desperate moment when he was too caught up in the dam breaking to realize he’d be exposing this horrific action to the world.
Armand sees Claudia as a repulsive mistake that should’ve never existed made by Lestat to deliberately mock him up until the surgery, when then for only a moment lost to time ended in blood she is another child who had her life taken from her too soon by an egotistical blonde man who thought he could play god with someone’s life. “They were done for anyway, he was going to starve to death in a brothel, she was going to die as a street orphan, the blood would be a service to them, a chance they never had” But they both know that’s a lie they tell themselves to justify the act of taking a child and molding it into what they please for fun, for pleasure, for companionship, just to see what would happen. Armand sees this for a moment and wants to give her a chance, give them both a chance, wants to see her as an adult, as someone who could have a life. And then of course, we know how that turns out 😭
#Bursts into tears#I have a concussion and I’m supposed to be resting my brain but fuck it armand more important then healing god damn it#tvc#the vampire chronicles#vampire chronicles#vc#armand#lestat de lioncourt#iwtv#interview with the vampire#claudia iwtv#Claudia tvc#Armand iwtv#Armand#armand tvc#marius de romanus#the vampire lestat#the vampire armand#tvl#tva#tvc meta#iwtv meta#louis de pointe du lac
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ok this one is terrible to format on tumblr so i’m just dumping it under the cut but since i drew seepy fiddauthor i had to get the stan twins too. i love these old men sm
i haven’t posted much abt the Lore™️ on here but this is. very soon after weirdmaggedon. so they’re a lil clingy what are u gonna do abt it
#THE THEYS….#bursts into tears#digital art#my artwork#gravity falls#monster falls#stan pines#stanley pines#gravity falls stanley#stan gravity falls#stanley gravity falls#ford pines#stanford pines#stanford gravity falls#gravity falls stanford#stan twins#twoadrawstuff
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I LEFT MY BED TO MAKE TOAST AND I CAME BACK TO FIND MY STYLUS FULLY SNAPPED IN HALF????? WHA HAPPENED??????
#WHAT DID I DOOOOOOOO#BURSTS INTO TEARS#it's fine ill have to order a new oneeeeee or maybe i can draw with the upper half#bubby talks
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I just finished trials of apollo someone hold me
#“Call on me. I will be there for you.”#bursts into tears#trials of apollo#apollo#lester papadopoulos#the tower of nero
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how sad!
#object shows#object show community#bfdi#my art#x bfb#kinsona#xsona#MEE!!#day 1 no#🥺🥺🥺🥺😭😭😭😭😭#BURSTS INTO TEARS#WAAHHH!!!#CANT EVEN LAST 1 DAY WITHOUT 😂😂
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Edit of ship including my f/o (that is also my complete NOTP) on my FYP on TikTok… we (I) lost.
#bursts into tears#no… I’m mentally stable#I had a horrible day yesterday but I’m okay today…#taking a deep fucking breath#it gave me a tummyache but I’m also on the toilet fighting my IBS so maybe that was going to happen anyway#DAMN IT!!!!!#I say not interested. I say don’t show me this. I say that I don’t like this#on any app. when I see my notp… but all that they do is show it to me#anyway. I’m an IBS warrior that’s what you should be getting from these tags
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Some very disjointed thoughts on Villefort I love him so dearly:
God book Villefort is Such A Way to me. Him not wanting to imprison Dantès and doing it anyway to save his reputation, him breaking down over his daughter's "death" but still barely interacting with his son despite wishing he had more time with Valentine. He does have that one small moment with him right before he confronts Heloise, and in that confrontation you can see how much he adored his daughter but still despite it all he was a man consumed by his ambition. For all his ruthlessness he has a lot of love inside him but he's so unwilling to let it come out or compromise what he wants, even so in the end it's his love for Valentine that fuels his ruthlessness when he gives the ultimatum to his wife.
He absolutely values his reputation and goals above his family (you could argue that him marrying Heloise, wanting to "give Valentine a mother" after Renée died even though her father was right there was a mixture of misguided familial love and preserving what a family "should" look like) but someone that didn't value them at all wouldn't go mad after their deaths. I keep thinking about how his search for Andrea/Benedetto's missing body is so representative of that - looking for the skeleton to prove that the baby really did die and that the entire trial was a farce, finding tangible proof that his life isn't over as if finding it could reverse all the deaths. All of this right after he's picked up Edouard's lifeless body with a plan to escape (before he realises he's dead.) His life is over at that point but he doesn't turn to madness until everything is gone, his only remaining child was his lifeline.
Plus him going to his father after he loses it all, the one person he has left. He doesn't even care about Dantès's reveal, only dragging him straight to Edouard's body. Related to Noirtier, Villefort does know how to communicate with him when he could leave all the translation up to Valentine and Barrois. It's a low bar obviously and probably all out of the need to maintain a good reputation but it makes me wonder what their relationship was like before their political paths diverged. They both have a talent for schemes and are incredibly clever - they may have been enemies from day 1 but there's also the chance they were close for a while.
All this to say that man loved his family so much - but not more than his reputation and ambition. It is such an important part of his downfall to me.
(There is the attempted baby murder/hiding of a body if he actually thought Andrea was dead too but who would Villefort be without his hypocrisy 💖)
#bursts into tears#God the Edmond Villefort parallels#Edmond gaining a large surrogate family while Villefort loses his#many thoughts#apologies if I've forgotten or misinterpreted something#Villefortheads come tell me your thoughts#- 🦇#Villefort#text#gérard de villefort#tcomc#the count of monte cristo#le comte de monte cristo#our posts#bookverse
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we live
you die
fuck you
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DICK, SUSPICIOUS: Let me see what you have!
DAMIAN, A LITTLE SHIT WHOSE RUNNING AWAY: A KNIFE!
DICK, WORRIED AND IS NOW CHASING HIM: NO!!
#damian wayne#dick grayson#jason todd#tim drake#stephanie brown#cassandra cain#duke thomas#bruce wayne#alfred pennyworth#my sillies#they are my favorite#they are silly#i love them#starts sobbing#crying#bursts into tears#MY BOYS!!!!!
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make no mistake. it's 24/7 x-files over here. it's my favorite show ever. it was made for me specifically. seasons one and two were produced before my birth so that I would never need live in a world without Mulder and Scully. but I CAN'T really BLOG ABOUT IT bc I'm only in season THREE and I don't want to SPOIL ANYTHING FOR MYSELF and obviously that's FINE I don't even WANT TO
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it's so cute whenever they do this btw hitting myself over the head with a brick
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so you're an artist huh? Draw a hand holding a phone
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