#no one needs to hear this
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dunno who needs to hear this........ but i made the most incredible tomato soup.........
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Whatever the result is, I will attempt to recreate it as a drawing!
#poll#I know some of you are curious to hear an update on my hell trip. Good news! I already have thumbnails for my day one comic journal.#A lot happened! There was a comically large block of cheese! I got lost in the woods at night!#But I digress. This post is about charcuterie. Which is apparently a high artform that people have strong opinions on.#I am genuinely curious to see how the results distribute. My hunch is that the board will be hilariously unbalanced#but I am willing to be surprised! Plus it is an opportunity to try drawing something outside of my zone of comfort.#Good luck to this board. I think...it will need it.
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Bonus:
#fairly oddparents#fairly oddparents a new wish#fop a new wish#the fairly oddparents#timmy turner#denzel crocker#aj#fop aj#fop#a new wish#fairly odd parents a new wish#fairly odd parents#my art#fanart#I have plenty more ideas to draw for this au so hopefully I could get most of these done before my next semester starts#On one hand it's good that Timmy possibly didn’t become obsessed with finding his fairy godparents after witnessing firsthand what it did t#But at the same time it must sting for them to hear their former godkid outright deny your existence ngl#Also it's 5 am over here rn I really need to sleep oh god
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I don't know who needs to hear this but:
-"it only hurts a little" is still pain
-"I can ignore it" is still pain
-"I can cope with/manage it" is still pain
-"it's bearable" is still pain
-"I can push through it" is still pain
-"it doesn't hurt that much" is still pain
-"it doesn't stop me from doing x" is still pain
You don't need to be in agonizing pain to be in pain.
#it's me. I'm the one who needs to hear this#disabled#disability#chronic pain#chronic illness#spoonie#longlostposts
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fem hilson is attacking my brain like they're seagulls and i happened to bring food to the beach,,,
and in regard to my original fem hilson post where i mentioned that wilson for sure had an impulsive pixie cut that she very much regretted:
women,,,,
#to the people who follow me for star trek- dont worry i will go back to that!! i just needed a moment for these fellas#fem hilson#hilson yuri#genderbent hilson#genderbend#hilson#house md#house md fanart#fanart#art#if anyone knows of any good genderbent hilson fics where they're BOTH women (not just one) i would love to hear your recommendations
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When I was a kid, I regularly lost reading privileges for "having an attitude" and "acting out".
It wasn't as simple as being told not to read during other activities- one of the first times it happened, I remember being six years old, watching my stepfather pull fistfuls of books off my bookshelf and throw them to the floor in a heaping mess while I cried and asked him to stop.
It was weird. Every other adult I knew described me as exceptionally well-behaved, but at home, it was the opposite, and it was blamed on "learning bad habits from that shit you're reading".
Because I couldn't read at home, I spent all my free time at school in the library, reading with my friends.
When I grew up and moved away, I realized that my family life was toxic and abusive, and the "attitudes" I was being punished for were standing up for myself, standing up for my younger siblings, and resisting actual, real-life psychological abuse. Because I'd learned from what I'd read that my family wasn't normal, not like my parents said it was, and in my stories, the heroes were the people who spoke out when it was hard to.
It is insane to me that there are students right now who can't access books. It is insane that books are being outlawed. It is perverse that we are stealing away an entire generation's ability to contextualize their lives, to learn about the world around them, to develop critical thinking skills and express themselves and feel connected to the world or escape from it, whatever and whenever and however they need.
That is not how you raise a compassionate, thoughtful, powerful society.
That's how you process cattle.
It's fucking disgusting.
#I know this is old news but Jesus#Every day I hear more about school book bans and I feels less real#Restriction of information is restriction of freedom#People need stories#Even bad stories#Even tragic or problematic ones#We need to set purity culture on fire I'm not kidding#Abuse mention#Abuse tw
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You don't wish your disability was worse or more visible, you wish your disability was taken seriously. Please stop confusing the two, I guarantee you would not get the support you need JUST by being more severe or more visible. Please listen to visibly disabled people when we tell you it isn't better on our side
#m/cc#mine#I tried extremely hard to word this nicely because I KNOW people don't mean bad and often even know there are unique challenges#and believe me I know the challenges of invisible disability too!!#I have invisible disabilities!#but as someone who has also been at least visibly 'off' since they were 10 I am SO SICK of invisible disabilities being hailed as like#a unique extra oppression that us lucky visibly disabled people don't have to deal with#there are challenges to invisible disabilities that visibly disabled people DON'T have to deal with!#but you need to understand that *the reverse is also true*#there are MASSIVE benefits to being able to lie about your disability for example#or not dealing with the overt ableism that comes with your disability being obvious to everyone#*I do not have the option to pretend I'm not disabled.* that is never an option I have#I walk weirdly. I use a mobility aid now. my speech and face are 'off.' I lean to one side#for a long time I wore sunglasses 24/7 and often didn't make sense. I sometimes can't speak or won't react to others#for the most part people will always know that at the very least something is wrong with me#and more obviously I have people telling me they'll pray for me; telling me I can't do things I'm already in the process of doing;#wanting to shake my hand to tell me I'm an inspiration for not killing myself; giving me dirty looks for existing in public#and yes. I'm aware that this is very much an in-community issue. I know the average abled person doesn't know invisible disabilities exist#that's why there's so much awareness happening for it#but as a visibly disabled person I get SO TIRED of constantly hearing 'I wish my disability was visible :'('#it's just 'I wish I had your disability!' but from other disabled people
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Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
Plain-text version:
Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
#hlep#original#mental health#my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need.#the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it#i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support#and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist.#the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28!#a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents.#they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of#huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the#longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong.#and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives.#you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead?#or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of.#no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow.#i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel#i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong.#just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop
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dsmp was good actually
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you wanted zoro to be on whole cake island to fulfil your weird desire to see zoro punish sanji. I wanted zoro on whole cake island because I think he's stupid enough to right place wrong time the plan and accidentally marry Sanji in full view of the whole wedding party in what becomes the most elaborately constructed comedy of errors ever written. we are NOT the same.
#need a fic where zoro genuinely does marry sanji on wci without planning it#type of thing to happen to goofy pre ts zoro#zoro in the same mindset in which he created the usopp sword: well i didn't mean to but i guess this solves the immediate problem#and ofc he just rolls with it#they look at each other after the dust settles like. hey wtf was that. and immediately blame each other#pre relationship AND feelings realisation on both sides#dont get me wrong i love fake relationship that becomes real but hear me out#legal accidental relationship thats extremely convenient and also funny until you pavlov yourself into being in love#vinsmoke sanji#black leg sanji#roronoa zoro#zosan#one piece#sanzo#zoro
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makes me giggle to think of X2 Logan meeting dp&w Logan when this is a thing
#“don't tell me you fuckin liked it 🤨” “you have no idea 😃”#x2 logan is going to see that in the tva screens and go 🤨😳🏳️🌈⁉️#dp&w Logan going “you don't understand he's fucked up he's my favorite of these assholes”#and then turn around and yell at wade “FUCKTARD”#hear the distinct “oh he's adorable can't resist flirting with me across the room LOVE YOU TOO SHITFACE”#“KEEP AN EYE ON OUR DAUGHTER OR IT'S MY SWORDS IN YOUR DELICIOUS ABS IN THREE SECONDS”#x2 Logan going 🤨 at the daughter in question mary puppins#Logan being as hung up on Jean as he'd been might just Reconsider mr wade wilson#👀👀👀👀👀👀👀#pspsps Logan#one rainbow brigade bitch to another? i dont think jean can do that#she clawed u up that one time but see what walmart santa claus is doing here#he's riddling you with bullets ✅ fuckin emptying the cartridges on your scrumdiddlydumptruck ass#he's stabbing adamantium ADAMANTIUM swords in you up until the sword hilts ✅#Logan listen#jean needed to be with phoenix first before Doing All Those Things Which She Did With You#but Deadpool? Deadpool is in it for the shits and giggles#Look. I'm not a woman of science. But there seems to be Chemistry among us.#I'd hit the emergency meeting button but i don't fucking want to 😁#deadpool and wolverine#deadpool#wolverine#deadpool 3#deadpool 2024#logan howlett#wade wilson#poolverine#deadclaws#Deadpool and Wolverine Honda#Deadpool and Wolverine Honda Odyssey
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old doodles
hopefully i can watch some episodes of one piece without being interrupted (if I don't get distracted with Pokémon soulsilver)
#one piece#one piece luffy#one piece zoro#roronoa zoro#mokey d luffy#one piece zolu#zolu#luzo#commission are open#<- i need money#also guys i had a dream about zoro do you want to hear it? lmk
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the more I play the more I think lucanis basically knows it's illario who betrayed him right from the beginning (he's had a year in the ossuary to think. not that many people knew where he was going. when you ask him 'did Illario know you'd be on that ship' his only answer is the hardest flattest 'yes' you ever heard). so it's not so much about figuring out who the traitor is (because that's ludicrous. we all know. immediately. they didn't really bother to hide it lmao) as about methodically closing off every single avenue of denial lucanis has clung to that whole time with as much or little gentleness as you might prefer until he has no choice but to admit it. because the moment he has to admit it, he'll have to do something -- feel something -- about it. and that's such a catastrophic event in lucanis' inner landscape (he has had TWO people in this whole entire world up until now and will do anything to hold on to them with a heartbreaking child-like desperation, even at and especially through the detriment of his own self) that he'd rather just. not. what if we quite simply. didn't. what if we just stayed here in the emptiness where we can both pretend you didn't hurt me in a way I should never forgive. I have so much practice in that with caterina already it's always worked out great for everyone so far. (press x to fucking doubt but that's trauma logic for you lol)
after everything illario did, so much of the storm of lucanis' emotions around it is 'what the FUCK did you get yourself tangled up in this time and how do I get you out of this mess safely'. what's worse: the fact that your brother murdered you, or that he put himself in horrible danger doing so and thus exposed you to the risk of losing him forever. lucanis' heart certainly has an opinion here and it's fucking unhinged (affectionate)
the themes of dissociation in lucanis' character in general makes me feel nuts. allllll these contradictory messy things he needs to cut off from each other because they can't coexist or be easily reconciled inside him. but all remain stubbornly true separately anyway and will have their due one day. love and resentment. tenderness and fear and rage. terror and longing. love and freedom don't coexist. the burned out golden child anthem is playing in the background. he was always caterina's favourite and he has to keep striving to deserve that dubious honour with every breath he takes and then, presumably, mercifully, some day he will die and be excused and can rest. and until now he's suppressed all the -- natural, healthy, protective! -- negative feelings that threaten the few attachment relationships he actually has, at the cost of ever actually having his needs for connection and safety met and leaving his core self imprisoned and compromised. and spite goes 'what. no. that's dumb fuck that' (*spite voice* I do not understand that and even if I did I would not respect it) and does not allow him to fall back into that, which I think is what saves his life, ultimately. it took being possessed by a demon for lucanis to even contemplate telling anyone he loves 'no' in any way, but hey. whatever gets you there right lol
lucanis is dealing with the freeze response allll the way down baby. and he was even before the ossuary, that just turbo powered it and brought it to a breaking point way before it could happen naturally. but something was going to break eventually no matter what, and I'm just glad that in the end, through the power of friendship and also pure spite, it doesn't have to be him
#I am worried about him all the time. but also: his found family of godslaying maniacs and also the power of love. there are reasons to hope#when there was only one set of footprints in the sand that was the veilguard party holding lucanis in their arms#and going 'excuse you he said no FUCKING pickles!!!' while he's like '🥺should you guys really be -- ' 'YES'#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#lucanis dellamorte#dragon age meta#there's some messiness to his arc but what mary kirby managed to capture here about how this works. is everything to me#he is so exactly for me. I'm sorry for all the people he turned out not to be for. but not for him being for me#the gift of looking at him and hearing 'you're more than what you're going through' and be forced to annoyedly go 'okay#MAYBE that could be also be true for me. maybe.' he's going through it. and also so much more and the funniest person in the world#he's so worth it to still have in the world!!!!#I'm so glad we don't get to 'fix' his relationship with his family and especially caterina actually#that is stuff that would need to happen on a time scale waaay outside of the one in this game#and there's Something very real in having to go 'this is not for me to decide for you. who you love and what you do about it is yours'
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For decades, the blank vision that Iudex Neuvillette wears near his heart has been subject to much discussion in Fontaine. Nobody remembers who it had once belonged to or why the ancient dragon protected it so jealously. It is said that if the Chief Justice would to stare at it for a long while, it would be sure to rain right after. Oh, how beloved that person must've been.
#genshin impact#genshin fanart#neuvillette#visions#wriolette#wriollette#neuvithesley#myart#sorry for the short drabble?#kasndkansd i have emotions over a simple thought i had#the tragedy for someone eternal to fall for someone who's here for only a brief moment eats away at me hhhh#it started with a funny thought of IF neuvillette needs to carry a fake vision for some reason after laughing at the archons for it#and then i remembered how people like kazuha would hold onto their loved one's masterless vision after they died#one thing led to another and now we have some wriolette angst with neuvillette cherishing wrio's masterless vision#after his inevitable passing#and idk if its just the traveller or if its even canon#but i like to think that neuv being a sovereign he would be able to hear the ambition of one's vision and maybe just maybe#he can use wrio's masterless vision to listen to his voice albeit ever so softly
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i'm sorry but ingo's "unfortunately not" in that comic is very funny to me
#submas#pokemon#sketches#emmet: that's cool! but no me and ingo talk to eachother with our mouths#ingo: god if fucking only#part of me thinks it's because ingo is so chatty LOL. emmet already hears every thought that comes into his head so there's no need#however emmet is busting it down short sentences style goated with the one word answers
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Social anxiety level: Chatting with someone experiencing a schizophrenic episode and becoming increasingly self-concious of how I'm just saying "That sounds really stressful", "I've never heard of that but it sounds scary", and "You must be pretty worried about that" over and over again
#They needed someone to wait with them while their friend came to pick them up#And the whole time I was waiting for them to call bullshit#Like YOU HAVENT SAID ANYTHING MEANINGFUL YOURE SO BAD AT THIS#I'm sorry I'm making this one about me ma'am I'm just terrified that everyone I talk to is gonna give be a bad grade#I don't understand or beleive most of what you're saying but from the legit science you're quoting I can tell you've done some research#The research stuff I appreciate we can totally talk about that#Please God let me talk about Chordata or HTML instead of the thing I can't see or hear wouthout encouraging your delusion#I'd get SUCH a good grade at discussing invertebrates with you
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