#no one needed to know all this I am just rambling in my diary that is tumblr dot com don’t mind me

[the-spoingus-show]

my current project: jump forever!

this is the first of those scheduled posts i mentioned earlier!!! i figured i would start by talking about my current project - that way i can start posting updates about it without confusing you, Michael. The next post is gonna be about the beginning of this whole Godot thing i've been on, and then i'm thinking about maybe doing a Before Godot post as a bonus once i've talked about all my godot stuff (i love saying this as if anybody cares (besides you, Michael)). setting all that aside, though: this one's gonna need some backstory, so you should buckle in.

around this time last year, me and my little cousin (he's still in high school, but we've always been pretty close) got really competitive about a little game called Jump Forever. it's a side minigame from WarioWare Mega Microgames (the GBA one) where you just jump over a little rope until you fuck up. it's really fucking fun as an addictive little mobile game, and with a quick lil emulator it was one. thus, the addiction began.

truth be told, the phase last year didn't even last that long, but i had a long bus ride a couple of weeks ago and found myself opening the GBA emulator on my phone to pass the time. that led to a little bit of playing at home, which led to beating my cousin's score, which led to getting even more into the game than i was before. as our scores get higher, we've turned to better controllers than a phone touch screen for serious record attempts - i use a ds lite i had lying around (that i reshelled! it was very fun) and he emulates on pc with a controller (i think). this got me thinking about a potential "definitive edition" of the game - probably still on mobile, but with controller support, better touch controls (the game only needs <-, ->, and A!), faster resets, selectable skins, and maybe even unlockable skins? of course, when i finished my work on fnaf (ooh foreshadowing), my sights were immediately set on a Jump Forever remake.

with all that said, welcome to the game as it currently stands! at the moment, i've got wario, the rope swingers, and the score all just about set up, with one exception; the characters have collision, the rope swings (at varying speeds, even!), and wario's speed and physics feel very accurate - but i'm still working on the ai (if you can call it that) of the rope guys as they walk back and forth. i want it to work exactly the same way as it does in the original but i always overthink random mechanics like this. hopefully the next update i give will be about how i cracked it! even if the implementation ends up jank, though, it wouldn't be the first: the rope guys check if wario is too close to them to make it over the rope with an Area2D that just checks for wario when the rope hits the ground. it works! i could just like check wario's position in the code (and it'd probably be way more efficient), but this way just... works.

i still have a buncha crap i still gotta implement before the game's even really playable - the walking ai, the title screen, the little "Ready?" animation, etc. - but that's only the beginning of my work. firstly, i'm probably gonna enlist chloe (oooh foreshadowing) to help me out by drawing some new assets (if she's free, it is finals season), and then changing the game's native resolution from 240x160 (the GBA screen) to something not fucking insane. i've got "reworking all the sprites into easy to read spritesheets" on my to-do list, and after that, making the new assets (and then maybe the skins?) will be as easy as drag & drop. once it's got the new assets and all the polish that needs to come with a shiny new resolution, i'm gonna transition into the next phase - researching how to release a game!!!

[hi, not to ruin my own amazing transition but: it's 5am and i'm running back to edit this because i completely forgot to mention that i have currently implemented a 2 frame input delay on all inputs, because that's how the emulator appears to behave when i go frame by frame. every single day i rethink this decision more and more. surely there's no way that's how it's supposed to be, right? but i feel so weird changing it now!!! i definitely fucking have to though. next time i work on it. ok anyways]

now. i've posted games to itch.io before. but even then, i kind of fucked it up (i could never get the resolution of my web games to work right???) - so it's no surprise i've always been completely daunted by the idea of "releasing a game". when you post it on real stores, that's when it becomes... real. i'm excited about the new challenges it'll pose, though! now, a mobile release means a couple of things - bite sized fun, simple progression, and fun customization. i've already got the first part nailed down, and i figured i could nail the other 2 at once with a currency system based on how many points you get (or maybe even an xp system? that goes up 1 for each jump? maybe even both???) and skins (purchasable with said currency) that let you customize the player, rope swingers, background, and maybe even the rope itself.

pictured above is my stupid ass skins mockup (i literally just made this). the rope is rainbow, the background has a snow effect and a bunch of snow on the trees/ground (isn't it great?), wario is a lil version of the rope guys, and the rope guys have santa hats. i'm not sure how many different ropes you could really make with how i'm planning the rope to move, so i'll probably end up prototyping the graphics with chloe to figure out how to lay out the sprite sheets, and if they should actually have a seperate hand-grabbing-the-rope sprite for skin purposes. it'll definitely make things really confusing, but if i go for a mobile release i don't want to run ads, and so a currency you can buy with real money (and maybe one or two goofy supporter skins that cost real money, like a solid gold guy or something, as a form of donation) is a good way to make a lil bit of money from people who like the game.

all of this is fun to think about, but it's important to remember that the next thing i have to do is that walking ai. i've gotta Make The Fucking Game before i can do all this crazy other bullshit. i'm sure the ui design for all this is gonna be soooo fun, but i need a game to attach it to first :p

this went on reeeally long but i figure if this is a dev diary or w/e it's gonna end up running long no matter what, and the more info, the more i have to look back on fondly and say "oh shit, i know exactly when this was!", which is kind of the end goal of the project. of course, these incredibly long posts about shit that only matters to me are also incredible content for you, Michael, so i'm sure you're just eating this shit up. enjoy, you weird little man.

[seilon]

kinda hate that my go-to non-merch clothing store choices are vans and hollister like we GET it im fucking californian

[aushina]

Episode 7 realization: Jinshi gets everything taken from him

I was watching episode seven of The Apothecary Diaries with my boyfriend (we're both reading the light novel but he hasn't seen the anime yet so I'm showing it to him) when he pointed out something that I hadn't thought about.

When Jinshi was a kid, all of his favourite things were taken away from him to--I guess--teach him not to get overly attached to things? Reasoning unclear to me. The ethics and even how effective that is aside, it taught Jinshi that the things he loves can and will be ripped away from him. And what should happen when a strange little apothecary becomes his newest favourite toy? She gets taken away. Of her own volution and only for a few days, mind, but Gyokuyō doesn't preface with that; she tells Jinshi that Maomao left, laughs, and then adds on that it's only for three days. I'm not villainizing Gyokuyō here. This scene is played for comedy and she doesn't know how Jinshi was raised. However, it does mean that Jinshi was smacked in the face with some of the worst possible news he could have received in that moment without the immediate comfort that it was only temporary.

I wonder if it's this moment that makes Jinshi realize that he has feelings for Maomao. The episode before, Jinshi gave Maomao his hairpin and those are implied to have some romantic connotation to them, but I don't think that's why he gave her one. I think he gave his hairpin to Maomao as a way to make up for all that she's been through; it's a way of saying that I'm here to help you if you need it and I will do my best to improve the system. But now, so soon after that, Maomao is gone; ripped out from under his nose by a faceless stranger without a word of warning. At least as a kid Jinshi could go to Gaoshun, Suiren, or (maybe) even his mom to beg for his toy back, even it was futile. Jinshi doesn't know who took Maomao and, even if he did, is aware that Maomao is her own person and can choose to leave to the place she was kidnapped and sold to if she wants. To an extent. If she just runs away from the rear palace, that is a crime and she would be punished for it. Jinshi is aware of this but whether it registered immediately is unclear and, if it did, that just adds another concern on top of his favourite toy being stolen away. And all of this together could be what triggers Jinshi to understand that Maomao means much more to him than just being an interesting toy to play with--to understand that maybe he cares for her more than just as a person he's responsible for, but as a person he loves.

I know this was a bit rambly but I found the realization very interesting and am looking forward to rewatching the show with this reading of the character in mind. ^-^

[shrimp-buffet]

LARRY & LAWRIE HEADCANNONS

Because they took over my brain after Kit betrayed me- (headcannons after the cut)

I’ve never really made one of these types of post before and don’t know if I’ll ever make more, but I just suddenly got struck with the need to share my ideas with these two and I don’t personally know people as into Brawl Stars as I am so making this post is the best way I could think of! Maybe if this gets received well I’m make more but no guarantees.

Anyway sorry for this pre-ramble, onto the actual headcannons:

Larry focused, Lawrie focused, Both

•Larry uses He/They pronouns, while Lawrie uses just They/Them

• Larry & Lawrie have a sort of Bluetooth-like connection between them. If one gets too far out of range, they both lose some or all of their functionality, which is why they’re never seen too far from each other.

•Their connection range is actually pretty generous, so they could go off and do their own things around the park. But they would still need to work around each other’s schedules to stay in range which can be a hassle, so it’s usually only on special occasions. (Much to Larry’s dismay)

•Larry is the much more social one, and while he does genuinely love spending time with his sibling, they desperately want to be able to spend more time hanging out with others on his own.

•Despite Larry’s extroverted nature he doesn’t actually have a lot of friends because they’re a bit of a buzzkil

•Lawrie tries (and usually fails) to hide it, but they’re extremely overprotective of Larry. Rushing into battles to protect him and following them around the park even if Larry asks them not to.

•for example of the previous: One time Larry was walking through the garden, thinking they were finally alone when Lawrie jumps in out of nowhere and just obliterates a bush having completed missed a little bunny. When Larry gets mad Lawrie explains that they thought there was a dangerous animal following him.

•Larry doesn’t get why Lawrie is so protective of him, but he is similar protective of R-T (albeit to a much smaller extent)

•Lawrie held a grudge on that bunny for embarrassing them. That specific bunny seems to intentionally menace them constantly and they consider it their enemy.

•While Lawrie is a bit of a tsundere about their brotherly love, they’re not one in general. They just genuinely dislike most people.

•The two of them fight, argue and insult each other a lot, but if anyone else saying anything rude to the other they both go sicko mode. Lawrie especially has no mercy.

•Lawrie punches people in the arm a lot. Totally unrelated, (/s) Larry’s arm is always sore

•Larry LOVES the Princess Diaries series! When they found out Fang also likes it (R-T told him) he spent a whole day binging the series with Fang in an empty theater

•As implied in the pervious, Larry occasionally gossips with R-T. He knows it’s wrong and feels guilty about it, but it’s too interesting for them to resist it.

•Lawrie has to keep tell R-T to stop gossiping, and Larry to stop enabling it. It doesn’t work but they try.

This is getting long so I’ll end it here. If you got this far thank you for reading!! Let me know if you’d be interested in other characters or even more of these two!

[curio-queries]

I saw Jungkook's documentary this weekend and have just a few thoughts. If you're avoiding spoilers, don't click the cut!

The Hybe Documentary Format

So...as a reminder to you all, I do not have professional expertise in the film industry. I'm just a very discerning consumer. I also haven't seen Hobi's documentary and I watched Road to D-Day while I was quite ill last year so I only vaguely remember some bits. (I'll definitely be getting back to those sooner rather than later though as research for a series of posts I'm developing.) That being said, I think we have enough data points to state that Hybe has absolutely no interest in filmmaking techniques outside of music videos.

I did mostly enjoy my experience seeing this film yesterday and I'm always grateful for any amount of footage the members are willing to share with us but this 'documentary ' was worse than Jimin's Production Diary. Any of you that managed to make it through my rambling review will know how dissatisfied I was with that.

I Am Still is not a documentary, it's a mixture of showcase footage and behind-the-scenes clips, most of which has already been divulged in the various episodes and shooting sketches on YouTube. Honestly, if you're not able to see the film, just go rewatch all of the bangtantv content for JKs solo period and the showcase and you'll be up to speed with 85% of what was in the documentary.

There are definitely some expansions to the storylines featured in the bangtantv content; mostly being anything that wasn't overtly optimistic. For example, we learn a little bit more about just how sick JK was during the Seven/3D promotions. That content likely was pulled from the bangtantv edit because it would have put a damper on the promotions and given certain 'fans' a focus to fixate their vitriol. But overall, it feels more like an extended version of existing content rather than a new work. At least JPD didn't continually feed us footage we'd seen before.

I'm someone who gets completely bothered by previews spoiling content so I didn't watch any of the promos until after I saw it and I am so glad I skipped them because most of the 'original' scenes of the film were featured in least one of them. Alas, that's a separate issue of which I'm definitely in the minority.

Was There No Structure?

Kinda. Like JPD, there is a semblance of a structure: Attempting to follow the chronology of release activities for JKs GOLDEN album through the lens of JKs staement trying to prove that he is still worthy of everything he was being hailed as during the BTS group activities but I don't feel this was successfully executed. It jumps round enough and isn't very successful in explaining the events if you didn't already know about them. The film starts with the SEVEN performance at GMA and footage that we've already seen of JK recording SEVEN, not mentioning anything about the music video or really how JK got involved with the song in the first place. The rest of the story beats have similar missing points.

They have a vague narrative with the 'I Am Still' points but that's mostly carried by subs and a couple of moments that JK mentions himself. I'm not saying it's not true or wasn't top-of-mind for JK during this process but it's not the main point of many of the moment/messages he shared with us during this time period so it feels a little disingenuous since everything else jn this film really only makes sense if you've already seen quite a lot of behind-the-scenes content.

Honestly, it makes me question the intended audience. Obviously, they know that ARMY will shell out whatever we need to when there's new content from our members but most of us will have already seen all of the bangtantv content so we are already familiar with the most of the footage in this film. I genuinely don't think this was produced in such a way to be palatable for audiences not familiar with BTS so who does that leave? Our friends and family that are peripherally aware of the content but haven't learned the basics of JKs album? ARMY with short term memories only?

But again, it seems this film was compiled by an editing team and not lead by a director with experience in crafting a documentary. The only new footage that Ican guarantee was captured with the express purpose of being included in this film was the few clips of JK talking in the practice room with the albums displayed by him. But we all know that's where all of the promo clips were gathered as well. I have issues with that approach as well but I'll leave this point alone for now unless anyone is interested.

Suffice it to say, all of these suppositions over the past year about how JKs documentary was getting special treatment or even questioning about investment in a project up front are dead. This was a product assembled with bits of what they already had completely in-house which was sold for distribution.

So, Did We Learn NOTHING?

No, there are a few Golden nuggets (see what I did there?). I can't recall everything having only seen it once (and having a rather disruptive audience - I swear there were only dozen or so ppl in my theater but I forget how obnoxious teenagers can be. I'm glad they're enjoying and supporting but we really didn't need light sticks flashing during a film and how many times does one person need to get up to answer their phone during this runtime? Three according to the row in front of mine.)

Anyway, something I thought was interesting to learn was that Standing Next To You was initially recorded the day after JK heard it for the first time. And hearing a little more about how JK yearned to perform that song definitelygot me thinking a little more about it. We can't reach any conclusions just with this little nugget but it does open the door to some theories. Like perhaps they were initially planning to have JK record two separate albums? SEVEN and 3D would be the singles of the first and JK would perform them as we saw but perhaps STNY was originally planned to be the single of the 2nd album that would release while he was in the military and thus be unable to perform it? Maybe JK loved STNY so much that everything was grouped into one album and Never Let Go was the only track held back for ms? Definitely some theorizing space to be had now.

Final thoughts?

Similar to my thoughts on the GCF: Budapest (which I feel would have had a much better reception if it had been labeled as a bangtan episode rather than a GCF), I AM Still should not have purported to be a documentary. It was much more similar to the annual Memories compilations. But the general public would not have shelled out the $25 to go to a theater to watch a Memories DVD so alas, we have our content packaged as a ~documentary~...

Did my view on the music change at all? Not because of the documentary. We're coming up on the year anniversary of GOLDEN and it's still definitely not my favorite. I completely understand why some people like it but it's just not to my taste. The overall impact falls a little flat for me. Too much breadth and not enough depth. I came into my musical soul during the 00s emo phase and will always be a sucker for music that absolutely drips in an emotional way rather than catchy songs vaguely referencing heartache and love. Again, just a matter of viewpoint.

I do think most of these songs stand much better being shuffled amongst other artists in a Playlist and several of them are significantly better when JK sang them live but I still won't be listening to them regularly. I wholeheartedly believe JK completed his task of proving himself as an extremely dedicated and versatile singer and performer. He's definitely got some solid points added to his resume after this project.

[midnghtprentiss]

family - spencer reid

summary: four times spencer and his daughter made you feel like family and one time you were family.

singledad!spencer x reader

a/n: no use of y/n, no body descriptions, a couple os swear words, pregnancy. english >is not< my first language. enjoy!

materlist

One.

Spencer became a dad at a really young age. He was twenty one when his daughter, Estelle, was born. Her biological mom left and since this day he was a single father and the best he could ever be. When he entered the BAU, she was three and he wasn’t alone anymore. Everyone helped him besides he insisted it was fine. Penelope was the first one to put Este under her wings and took her everywhere. During the trips he trusted his baby’s life with the blonde woman and every time was the best decision.

Things changed when they welcomed you to the team. Emily and you were greeted at the same time but you caught his eye. Not because you have the same age but how his daughter was obsessed with you. She couldn’t hear your voice and see your face that it was over to everybody. You used to joke that if she went missing it was her fault. A few times Spencer forgot that she was not your real kid and his mind played tricks on him. 

‘’Reid, I’m taking your daughter home with me. You’re never seeing her again, just like Tangled.’’ You blew him a kiss and the sound of Estelle’s laugh made everyone smile. ‘’I am the funniest person you know, hm? But I’m serious, if you need some time to sleep, read or do whatever I can watch her. The girls are coming over tonight and we love to have Ellie around.’’ 

‘Ellie’’ was the nickname you gave her. The only one that called her like that. He loved how you created such a beautiful bond and he can count on you all the time, even when he doesn’t have to say a word in moments like this. Like a family. 

‘’It’s alright, I need to take her bag in the car but you can take her. Thank you, I really need to sleep.’’ He smiles at your direction, taking his kid again. 

‘’We are leaving at five, when she’s ready you know where to find me.’’ You come closer to him, holding the little girl's hand. ‘’Are you ready to your first girls night, Ellie?’’

A not normal but really close family and he was so grateful for the love they were receiving from everybody, especially you.

Two.

Estelle was growing really fast with the most normal childhood Spencer guaranteed. He made sure she had friends, a nice school, a normal house with a princess room. All the things he didn’t have, he guaranteed she had. She understands sometimes daddy was away for work but auntie Penny was taking good care of her and making a lot of tea parties with her dolls. 

She was ten at the time and still obsessed with you. You were her role model of a woman. Smart, pretty, funny and knew her favorite books by heart. She almost considered you as a mother though it was a secret she kept in her heart. Spencer was enamored by how you two treated each other with love and respect.

The team just got back from a case when Spencer heard Estelle’s giggles from something Penelope said and smiled. He stayed away for ten days but it feels like an eternity, he missed waking up with her shaking him and asking for pancakes, he missed her reading her books for him and definitely missed her rambling nonstop over things she learned at school, saw during the day and the scenarios her pretty head was creating. God, he was such a sucker for his baby. 

‘’Daddy!’’ All he saw was a cute girl running with a pink fluffy skirt, a purple shirt under a jeans jacket and rainy unicorn boots. 

‘’My baby! How are you? I missed you so much. I brought you a gift.’’ He took her in his arms, giving her a kiss on the cheek. 

‘’A snowglobe?’’ He nods laughing at her reaction. ‘’I miss you daddy. I have so many things to tell you I wrote all in my diary so I won’t forget.’’ She was proud of her actions and so was Spencer. 

It took her a few seconds to finally snap and look around for you. The desperation of not finding you was real for a moment, until she saw you at your desk. The brightest smile appeared on her face when you waved and she runned into your direction. 

‘’I finally found you! I miss you, ya know? I asked aunty Penny to help me get you a gift for your birthday and I can’t wait until next week, so here it is.’’ She grabs the little sparkling bag with Penelope and gives it to you. 

When you opened the bag there was a picture of you two together at her birthday party from last year. She was smiling while you laughed at something you don’t remember now. Your smile got bigger and you just hugged her. 

‘’I love it so much! I’ll put it in my desk so I always remember you.’’ The girl shakes her head ‘helping you put the picture with the most proud feeling ever. 

Spencer was watching everything from his desk. A warm feeling radiating from his heart, a cozy and sweet feeling of things right. 

‘’You should ask her out, pretty boy. This whole pinning thing is driving me insane and I’ll proudly watch her for you.’’ Derek teased him. 

‘’Yeah, give me a second.’’ The man walked towards you wearing a smirk you knew really well.

‘’Pick me up tomorrow at seven, pretty boy.’’ He doesn’t say a word but his heart has a lot to say. 

Three.

You and Spencer were dating for almost a year, things happened naturally and lightly. Estelle was happier that her two favorite people were dating, every sleepover was a party and both of you couldn’t be more satisfied. 

It was the first time in months that the BAU got a case in Virginia, which was good but bad cause it was closer to home. You and Emily spare for a couple of seconds to get into the precinct when you heard the shot but your first instinct was to look at what was burning. There was a lot of blood coming from your stomach. You look around to notice Emily holding you, noticing the commotion around the building. 

‘’Honey, keep your eyes open. Look at me.’’ Emily was trying to not let you close your eyes. ‘’Tell me a secret, anything, but don’t close your eyes.’’ 

‘’You know Spencer invited me to live with him and I sent him straight to hell.’’ You sight heavily. ‘’I want to say yes, I need to.’’ 

‘’You will, trust me. I’ll make sure you do.’’ You could hear his voice in the back, screaming something unintelligible for your conscience. ‘’Keep you eyes open, for God's sake!’’ 

Everything went blank for a while. You only remember waking up in a hospital bed. Penelope was sleeping next to Spencer on the couch. Your head was dizzy and your body hurt a lot. You took a deep breath before Spencer jumped next to you. 

‘’Hey you.’’ You spoke softly, holding his hand. 

‘’How are you feeling?’’ He strokes your cheek gently. 

‘’Sleepy and dizzy. How long?’’ He analyzed your microexpressions before answering. ‘’Stop profiling me, Spencer.’’ 

‘’Three days. You were shot in the stomach, lost a lot of blood and went to surgery. You’re awake now and definitely moving with me.’’ He jokes and you smile. 

‘’You’re awake! Finally! I love you so much. I’ll let them know.’’ Penelope seemed so happy when she left, leaving you two alone. 

‘’Spencer, if you want to propose right now I will dump you right now. I swear!’’ 

‘’I won’t! I wasn’t even thinking about it until you mentioned.’’ He said leaning over to give you a soft kiss. ‘’You don’t need a ring to be part of my dysfunctional family. By the way, Estelle is really excited for you to move with us, she was helping me with your office.’’ 

‘’I get an office?’’ You raised your brows and laughed. 

‘’If you want to work in her room full of glitter and toys that’s your call.’’

‘’I wouldn’t mind at all.’’

His damn heart missed a beat when you held his hand and closed your eyes again before going back to sleep. 

Four.

Spencer was nervous, he was terrified actually. It took him six months to propose to you in the way he wanted and it didn’t work. His plan was to take you to the vineyard you wanted to go to for months but the day he made reservations it rained so much there was no way you could go. You stayed home instead. Watching some movies with Estelle, eating popcorn and laughing at stupid things. Steve was a genius but everytime he was close to you he turned into the dumbest person alive. 

Estelle knew he was about to propose because she helped him find the ring and she gave so many ideas. Indeed she suggested he should do it when she wasn’t expecting, and he did. He put the ring out of his cardigan pocket and watched your reaction. You barely missed it focusing on Harry Potter but when you look twice there was it. The fucking ring. 

‘’Spencer what the fuck!’’ You covered your mouth with watery eyes. 

‘’Marry me.’’ His heart was so fast he swore he was close to having a heart attack. ‘’You are part of my life, part of this family and I don’t think I can live without you in my days. I love you. I open my heart for you in the same way you opened your for us. You accept me. love me. I can’t promise you white picket fences but I can promise you this, moments like this. I give you my sunshine, my best but the rain it’s always gonna come if you stand with me. People think love’s for show but I will die for you in secret. Marry me, so you can be forever mine and I can be forever yours.’’

‘’Yes. I do. Oh my God!’’ The tears streaming down your face made him giggles watching you trying to stay calm. ‘’I love you. A lot.’’ 

‘’Did she say yes?’’ You two heard Ellie’s voice and received her in the hug. ‘’Welcome to the family.’’

Five.

Spencer got home without making a lot of noise for the time. The clock marks two in the morning. The last thing he expected to see was his wife and his daughter on the couch talking. The TV was on in the soft volume but he could perfectly recite the conversation by ear.

‘’I can’t wait for you to get out of there. We have a few years of difference? Sure, but I know all the goods to use on dad.’’ Estelle was talking with the same voice she used to talk to her dad when she was little. ‘’Mom is harder, but dad is so much easier to convince.’’

‘’You’re gonna be in so much trouble if he hear us, Ellie.’’ You spoke, stroking the teens' hair. 

It took you and Spencer almost five years to have a baby. You felt like this family missed something else and the baby was your answer. Everyone was excited about it. You were seven months pregnant at this time. Sleeping is harder when you are bigger than ever, most nights were like this. You usually lay in her bed and keep talking until fall asleep or have to pee again. 

‘’Why I wasn’t invited to this party?’’ Spencer showed up holding his coat and bag. 

‘’Only pregnant woman and teenage girl are invited to insomnia party, sorry babe.’’ You teased him.

He dropped his stuff and sat between you and Este’s. He leans over to give you a kiss and a hug on the teenager. He placed a hand on your swollen belly before cleaning his throat. 

‘’This is your dad, hear me out, no one is going to use the goods on me. In this family the only one that can escape from things is the cat.’’ You three let out a loud laugh. ‘’Maybe mom because we love her. By the way, don’t let your sister got into your head she’s crazy sometimes.’’ 

‘’Spencer Reid, don’t play with the daughter you raised.’’ 

‘’By the way, you should let our mom stay more than thirty minutes without having to pee. I used to love sleeping with her but she wake up too much.’’ Estelle places her hand closer to her dad. 

Spencer spent hours just listening to you two interact, like mother and daughter. Laughing, sharing secrets and jokes, cooking and singing songs. Some of the moments just make sense in the bubble you create and make him happy. 

‘’Fine handsome, time to help me go to bed. You put this baby on me now you help. I want to be able to sleep more than you tonight.’’ You grab his arm, trying to stand up. ‘’I love this but I can’t wait to this baby pop out of me.’’

‘’I like your pregnant personality. You’re sassy and no one can say anything to you because you have a gun. Besides, you’re prettier.’’ You kiss your daughter's forehead before walking upstairs. 

‘’I’m always pretty and no, I have three guns.’’ The gasp she let out made you giggle. 

Spencer’s hand was in your lower back slowly walking with you making sure you’re safe. 

‘’I love you and our little family that I steal from you.’’ 

‘’Wanna know a secret?’’ You nod. ‘’It was already your family since day one.’’ 

[zandlikething]

WARNING BIG SPOILERS FOR QSMP BAD POV AND A LITTLE BIT OF PHIL POV ALSO JUST A LOT OF RAMBLING READ AT YOUR OWN RISK BECAUSE WOOO BOY THERE A LOT AND IM NOT EVEN DONE YET

I have so many thoughts on Bad's last stream the fact like OMG my heart QSMP needs to pay for all of our therapy

I'll probably do another post because holy crap there is a lot that happened today

I thought it was sweet Dapper and Pomme went to qPhil first because Dapper said they know he has concretions to some kind of goddess of death obviously referring to Kristin but I still am not sure if she is actually canons but it was a cute reference and it's nice to know that Phil has lots of tickets if they need cookies this week.

But also like Damn Phil cannot get a break first Tubbo now Bad I swear soon all the eggs will be ophans /j

Also apparently Taulluah is seeing the ghost of the eggs that died and one more. Idk if it's also an egg or something/someone else but if it's an egg I think it's either: 1. A-1 the egg that evil quackity was testing and died or Hope.

For those who don't remember Hope was an egg in a different orphanage than the original eggs that Cellbit found a while ago. The egg left a diary of their time in the orphanage. No one came for the egg and died but told that whoever is reading their book should not be sad for them. That's all I remember I'd have to go back and look to see what else I can find.

ANYWAYS Yeah so Taulluah sees ghosts now that are sad for some reason and she doesn't know why and Bad is missing and also presumably dead or a ghost? Because as we were following Dapper and Pomme on Bad's stream the thing would have reactions a lot of like what Bad would have. Like nodding and shaking his head or rolling his head for rolling his eyes. It all just felt very Bad like.

Also he was very against using any spells of stuff to block spirits so I think it might be Bad somehow looking out for them but not able to talk or interact with them for some reason.

I know these are a lot of signs at once but I find it very sweet that Dapper despite everything is trying to keep a positive view of everything and trying to cheer Pomme up.

I love how this is the plan they come up with to get Bad back lol 😆 I'm sure they'll come up with a real plan but who knows this could maybe work

Dapper and Pomme did this a lot and I love it. Them just leaning their heads together silently telling the other it's ok we are together aggghhh it is so sweet. And the fact that they did it multiple times I imagine just reassuring the other and themselves that they are there.

This was so pretty and nice just Dapper and Pomme watching the sunset (07 Bobby) together going over memories

Talking about their dead siblings and Max saying they should build a new place for them to remember them and wish them a Happy birthday every month

I didn't get screenshots of it but Dapper telling Pomme that all of their past siblings would have loved her with how sweet Tiln was and how good it was to be around Flippa, how Trump would have loved picking flowers with her and how Bobby would have loved doing pvp with Pomme :,) like bro I am literally tearing up

I am going to make a part two because tumbler is at its limit of how many screenshots I can show because guess what there is more heartwarming and heartbreaking stuff I need to talk and show

[tw33k-tucker]

Doodle requests are open‼️

The series characters I can draw the best(In order) are:

South Park, Eddsworld, Creepypasta, n' SMG4

Just a some things about me(changes/updates so much)

Fictionkin of:

Tweek Tweak

Craig Tucker

Kyle Broflovski

Kenny McCormick

Stan Marsh (South Park)

Mickey (Bobs Burgers)

Carl Grimes

Daryl Dixon (TWD) (I'm 99% sure I am a Fictionkin of him👍)

Gregory House (House M.D.)

Lucifer

Vox

Husk

Angel Dust (Hazbin hotel)

Sniper

Medic {Pls, istg I'm not insane anymore, I swear😭} (TF2)

Tord (Eddsworld)

Shadow ( Sonic, but not sure which specific Sonic yet)

Questioning 2

+ I have also found out I am a fictionflicker, so if there's some kins I have that aren't on the list above that's why👍 I do have a few recurring fictionflickers though, Such as:

Hunter (TOH)

Michael Afton (FNAF)

Crying Child/BV/Evan Afton (FNAF 4)

Tom (Eddsworld)

Adam (Hazbin Hotel)

SMG3 + Mr Puzzles (SMG4)

Ticci Toby

BEN Drowned + Jeff The Killer (Creepypasta)

Scout/Jeremy(TF2)

Louise (Bobs Burgers)

Therian but not completely comfortable to reveal some of my Theriotypes, but the ones I'm fine with revealing are a Border Collie, Island Fox, Clouded leopard, Red Panda, Some kind of Shark, Bi Color german shepherd, and an Opossum.

Current Shifts/Kinfeels:

Tweek Tweak

Craig Tucker

Scout/Jeremy

Ticci Toby

He/Him (Trans FTM/Masc)

Minor !! (I'm changing it to minor cause I only want the people close to me/my mutuals to know my age, sorry if its weird or smthn!!!)

Christan (but excepts any religion)

Favorite Animal is Guinea pigs

2nd favorite drink is coffee (My #1 favorite drink is water cause I need it to survive)

Top 5 Favorite songs:

1st: Runs in the family - Amanda Palmer

2nd: Life - Mother Mother

3rd: Animals - STOMACH BOOK

4th: Bad Habit - Steve Lacy

5th: Cupid's Chokehold / Breakfast In America - Gym Class Heros

(it was top 10 before, but I'm to lazy for that crap)

A few last random shit facts 'bout me + some random things

I am very scared of alarms(Like, fire alarms)

I have Trypophobia aka fear of holes(it's very bad)

I have a love hate relationship with insects

I'm AroAce but I still want a romantic relationship and Bi

Wolverine is my all-time favorite hero(I don't care that he's technically an anti-hero/also an X-Men, he's the best)

Black and Red are my favorite colors

HTTYD is my favorite movie series

I love Scooby Doo(Especially Mystery Incorporated)

I am a mix of Introverted and Extroverted

I swear I wanna cry when stuff I've been waiting for is altered(Don't ask, I have no idea why)

I have anxiety

I freak out VERY easily

Salamanders are so cool istg

I have sensitive ears so I hate loud noises(I think I'm just a wimp)

I was in a car crash when I was 8(Luckily me and my dad were fine)

I like Diary of a wimpy kid

I have an older brother that I fight with(Imagine Rodrick and Greg's rivalry)

Some noises also make me want to bawl my eyes out(Also don't ask why, I seriously don't know)

I will 'kill' you if you look in my sketchbook(I swear you do not wanna see it, like really, you do NOT)

I have social anxiety👍

I'm seriously fucked up in the brain

I have asthma

I have OCD and BPD

And also i've decided to make tags because it is so annoying trying to find certain posts. So: the art tag is #Tw33k Draws the ask tag is #Tw33ks asks and I also use #Tw33k Rambles when I'm just talking and then as well theres just the #Shitpost tag on the posts I post that have words or images that isn't art, I also #Tw33k Rants, I think that name is pretty self explanatory, I also don't add tags to like any of the stuff I reblog unless I'm talking in the tags

I'm horrible at spelling

And yeah, that's all I'm willing to tell

Also please don't hate me, I can't control who I am

Thanks for reading

Random Icons :D

Okay! One last thing, sense I have started the Zombie Park series, you can ask them questions about litterly ANYTHING some stuff they might not be allowed to answer at the moment like some stuff that'll happen in the future, but if you have any questions about the AU feel free to ask

[4rtificialfolio]

It’s Complicated, My Darling - Chapter 1

Chpt. 1: “Cat got your tongue, doll?”

“Ada is an operative in the 1940s from Brighton in England, sent over to New York City to work with the Americans, uncovering secrets and spying on potential suspects. She meets a handsome young man, Nick Folio, on the train into the city; little does she know how that moment would change the trajectory of her life”

Parings: Nick folio X OFC (Ada Chapman)

Word count: 1.6K

Chapter Warnings: brief mention of war, slightly suggestive, explicit language, fluff

Series master list

(see masterlist for overall warnings, chapter begins below the cut)

Ada

May 20th 1941

New York City, USA

7:00 am

Dear Diary,

Yesterday is still a haze and I barely slept all night, tossing and turning thinking about him. I still can’t believe my luck or lack thereof. Things are always too good to be true and yesterday proved that. God damn you, Nick. It had to be you didn’t it? Who am I kidding, we met once and he’s cute but that’s it. I don’t know him, he was just an attractive man on the train who just so happens to be the man I’m being told to track. It can’t be so different from any other mission, can it? I can do this, I’m bloody brilliant at this job and this mission will be a piece of cake, I hope.

In other news, Dad sent another letter. He thinks they might have to evacuate soon, after the raid on the Portsmouth docs the whole town is on edge but hopefully, it won’t come to that. Denis is already missing and I don’t know what I’d do if I lost Dad and Peggy too. I can’t think about that, I shouldn’t.

Anyway, I’ll be back tomorrow. 

I’m sure I’ll have a more interesting update after I’ve started my undercover work today,

Ada

-

The Precinct, 9:30 am

My train was delayed today, my first day on the cover job and I’m already late. Great first impression Ada! 

“Miss Chapman, I presume?” a middle-aged man, with a not-so-flattering navy blue suit and a grey homburg hat that he definitely should’ve thrown away in the 30s, calls my name from across the ground floor.

“A little late but I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt considering It’s your first day”. By the affirmative tone of his low, grumbling voice, I assume he’s the captain; Michael Brewer. I wonder if he knows he’s missing a button on his shirt?

“Yes sir, nice to meet you. Apologies for my Tardiness” 

“Please follow me, I’ll take you to your desk so you can settle in. We run a tight ship here Chapman and I expect the very best from my employees, no less. let's hope you can keep up” I internally snicker at the tight ship remark. If it truly was a tight ship, I wouldn’t be here. If not for the fact I’m here undercover, I wouldn’t bat an eyelid at that sentence; but something about it unsettles me. Alarm bells ring in my head. Michael will be on my watch list.

The tour is pretty mundane, I’ve only been hired as the secretary for my department so there’s no need for me to see the entirety of the precinct however, one room, in particular, catches my eye. The captain’s office, I’ll have to make a mental note of its whereabouts. Michael has been rambling on about the pride and joy of the precinct, and how he’s “built a family he can trust”; I refrain from laughing, being late on my first day is one thing but being fired for rudeness on the first day? I think I’ll pass. Before I know it, We’ve already reached my department floor. It’s nothing too extravagant but it’s certainly the biggest. The criminal investigation department has the most employees in the entire precinct, from the constable to the detective team, the sergeant, translators, the medical examiners and then there’s me, the accountant and secretary. I know Nick is a detective and, in fact, I’m pretty sure he’s the lead detective. Speaking of him, I wonder if he’s in today?

Before I can allow myself to get carried away with my wondering thoughts, Michael finally finishes his boastful rant and shows me to my desk.

“Right chapman, this is your desk. You’ll be doing the majority of your administrative work here but it’s important to store any important and private documents in the file room and I expect them to be logged at the end of each shift. Understood?” Having to lock them away might be a slight problem, I need solid evidence for this case but having access to the file room could be beneficial.

“Yes sir”

“I’ll leave you to settle in and meet your colleagues, we’re happy to have you, Chapman”

“Well look who it is!” an oh-so-familiar voice averts my attention, making me turn away from my desk.

“Nick? Uh I mean Mr Folio” Addressing another boss of mine by his first name, today is just tip-top.

“What’s with the formalities Doll? Please everyone calls me Nick around here, Mr Folio sounds way too formal for my liking”. My breath hitches and I chew on my bottom lip as he calls me ‘doll’. Doll, I like the sound of that. He looks extra sexy today. Sure he looked handsome in a black tank top, but now? He’s wearing a white spear point collard dress shirt paired with navy blue suit trousers with white stripes, a brown, white dotted tie and brown leather oxfords. I can’t help but stare, the top two buttons of his shirt are unbuttoned and his sleeves are rolled up to his elbow, showing off his tanned, veiny arms. Heat flushes across my body down to my core, he’s hot. Real hot and I’m flustered. 

“Cat got your tongue, doll?” He smirks. There’s that damned nickname again.

Everything about him entices me and I know these feelings are wrong, but I just can’t help myself. I’m supposed to be working against him, spying on him and digging for info but he’s just so sweet to look at.

“Sorry just a little tired, what did you say?”

“I said I was about to go on lunch and you owe me a lunch date, care to join?” A date? I’m sure it’s just a figure of speech.

“Sure! You’ll have to pick where we go, I’m afraid I’m not familiar with the city yet” Nick quickly grabs his suit jacket and grey fedora from his desk at the back of the room and gently puts his hand on the small of my back to lead me out of the precinct. A tingle surges up my spine at the light contact, causing a slight shiver.

Nick takes me to a cute little diner about a block away. There’s a yellow and red sign that reads “Fred’s cafe & diner” and a couple of cars parked out front including a new, mint green chevrolet fleetline. Dad told me about these new cars in one of his letters, he thinks they’re an eyesore but I quite like them. 

We settle into a small booth in the corner, right by the window that overlooks the narrow street next to the diner. I’m conflicted, I’m sat across from one of the most, if not the most, handsome men I’ve ever met. His eyes are so dreamy; he’s practically eye-fucking me from across the table, looking down ever so slightly at my lips, as I make small talk about the fleetline out front, and my stomach turns to goo. I begin to wonder what what his lips taste like, how he’d look pushing me up against the wall; but it’s a fleeting thought. Stay on track Ada. A waitress takes our orders and there’s a tense silence among us.

“So doll, how are you enjoying the city so far?” I wish he’d stop calling that.

“It’s not too bad, I really miss the beach and my family but I love the livelihood here. It's a nice change” Home, I miss home. All I want is to hug Peggy and Dad but until the war is over, this is home in the meantime.

“Damn I don’t know why you’d pass up the seaside to live here of all places, but I’m glad you did” Leaning forward on his arms, he smirks.

“Really?”

“Sure, I get to look at your pretty face every day. Sounds like a nice perk to me” He winks. My cheeks turn a subtle shade of pink whilst I find myself attempting to stop a cheesy grin from spreading across my face.

“How about you? How does life here compare to Maryland?”

“Hmm It’s good, I love the job but I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for the war. I used to be a detective back in Maryland but I was relocated here to help with the war effort” Sometimes I forget about the war; moments like these make me feel normal and happy as if there’s not a single care in the world. But then I read the paper and I’m brought back to reality.

“Watch’ya thinking in that pretty little head of yours?” Concern starts to grow on his face.

“I was just thinking of home and the war, you know? I miss my family and life before it all started” My heart sinks thinking about it all.

“Oh doll, we don’t know each other too well yet and I know I can’t compare to your real home, but I promise I’ll do my best to make you a home away from home. Can’t stand to see a pretty face frown.” Is this the right guy? I mean, really? This is the so-called dangerous man who’s supposed to be stealing money from the precinct? I’ve never met such a gentle, caring soul; and not to point out the obvious but, fuck he’s handsome, I wouldn’t mind feeling his hands on my hips sometime. No, no I can’t think like that. I have a job to do, I mustn’t lose my focus. My thoughts are quickly averted as Nick says my name from across the table, signalling our lunch break is almost over. Come on Ada, snap out of it. 

“Thank you, Nick. I’m sure I’ll feel right at home with you”

With you? Shit.

 I am royally fucked.

-

AN: Sorry this took so long! I was in a really long writing slump but i'm hoping to get a chapter out every two weeks (no promises). I'm really looking forward to you guys seeing what happens between Nick and ADA. Ada has very quickly become my favourite character I've ever written. Please let me know your thoughts! Again, please let me know if you'd like to be added to my tag list for this series :)

reminder my inbox is always open if you’d rather send your thoughts about this series or any of the omens members anonymously (no fic requests).

Tag List: @iknownothingpeople , @dsireland86 , @vinyardmauro , @thatchickwiththecamera , @blackveilomens

[riverfortune]

Look. Look. Tumblr. I am not good at convincing people to do things, but I desperately need to peer pressure some of you into reading this book series.

It's called Stealing From Wizards by R.A. Consell and it's delightful, well-written, engaging, and criminally unknown. I've had such a fun time reading the series. I don't know why it isn't doing numbers of Tumblr.

If you were a Harry Potter Kid who grew up and became, shall we say, disenchanted with that series but you still have a soft spot for wizard boarding school stories, you should read Stealing From Wizards.

If you like children's books but you'd like to see actual competent and empathetic adults in the children's lives (without taking the narrative drive away from the young protagonist!), you should read Stealing From Wizards.

If you want a story with a plucky young protagonist who's learning how to be a person for the first time after leaving an abusive home life, you should read Stealing From Wizards.

If you only have $8 to your name you can probably still buy all three ebooks on Amazon so you should read Stealing From Wizards.

If you're completely broke you can listen to the audiobook. for free. on the AUTHOR'S WEBSITE. (Or Spotify, Audible, Apple Podcasts or whatever your podcast player or choice is.) Go download Stealing From Wizards.

If you are a child 8-14 years old, or you make reading choices for a child of 8-14 years old, or you're a grown-up who likes children's stories when they're well-written and engaging because gosh dang it you just want to see some joy in the world and you want a story that will engage you but leave you with hope at the end and why is that so hard to find in adult fiction these days anyway? you should read Stealing From Wizards.

Did you like The Owl House? You should read Stealing From Wizards.

Percy Jackson fan? Try Stealing From Wizards.

Murderbot Diaries fan? Ok, that one's a bit more of a stretch but the possible autism-coding and the how do I be a person when I was built different? thing is the same. Try Stealing From Wizards.

Avatar: The Last Airbender fan? You might like Stealing From Wizards.

Found family fan? Stealing From Wizards.

You want a book that multiple reviewers couldn't put down? Stealing From Wizards.

You want brown characters, gay characters, disabled characters? Stealing From Wizards.

You want a fantasy story set in Canada/Fey Canada? Stealing From Wizards.

There are three books out so far: Stealing From Wizards Volume 1: Pickpocketing, Stealing From Wizards Volume 2: Burglary, and Stealing From Wizards Volume 3: Kidnapping are out so far, and it seem like there will be more.

I hope there will be more.

I am writing this so more of you will buy the books to make sure the author writes more.

The cover art is trash. The marketing seems to be nonexistent. I'm not even sure you can buy physical copies in stores or if they're printed to order. But this series just makes me really happy and I want someone else to read it.

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk listening to me ramble.

(Go read Stealing From Wizards.)

[cherrifire]

Archived in the Southlands: Martyn's Mix

Case #0211905-C

Original recording from Martyn Littlewood's personal supplemental tape.

[Martyn] Ello, ello! I'm Martyn Littlewood, also known as the Archivist. I reckon I've had that title for about 3 years now? And this is my new personal supplemental tape.

Word count: 2244

Be sure to read Case #0211905-A and Case #0211905-B before this one.

[AU Masterpost]

[Click]

[Martyn] Ello, ello! I'm Martyn Littlewood, also known as the Archivist. I reckon I've had that title for about 3 years now? And this is my new personal supplemental tape.

But to start, this tape is NOT meant for research or theories. I get enough conspiracy theory rubbish at the Institute. Something destroyed the place I was living at with BigB and Grian. And if I have to think about that case one more time, I'll crawl into a grave and let the Buried claim me.

I genuinely just needed a personal tape of my own to ramble on to. Lots goes on in this massive brain of mine. I just need something to talk to and get those thoughts out. This could technically be used as a memory log? Something for me to just look back on later down the line. I actually used to keep a log like that before the Archives and I kind of miss it.

I'm going to leave this tape in my flat so I don't get it confused with the hundreds of other tape recorders floating around the Archives. Maybe I'll be able to catch some fun stuff of my new flatmate too.

Speaking of Ren, I'm going to try and convince him to grow more than just roses. He seems to know a lot about caring for flowers, so I wonder if I could throw him off his game with something completely different. Oh, maybe something we can eat would be cool! I'll mention it next time I see him.

Though, I'm not sure when that'll be. I've noticed he tends to go out a lot, but that doesn't surprise me. He probably gets invited to all sorts of parties and events. Probably for the best.

(a pause)

Oh, good grief! For the record, I am NOT turning this into a gross emotional audio diary either!

[Click]

-

[Click]

[Martyn] Someone knocked on the door today looking for Ren. I'd never seen him before but he said his name was Doc. The name reminded me of someone I used to know, but again, I'd never seen him before.

It's not unusual, people come by looking for Ren all the time. It's actually really sweet how many folks just stop by to check on him.

So sweet, it makes me sick. He's usually never here, but I always like to take messages and relay them back to him when I see him. It's hard to forget things nowadays, so it's not an issue. Though, I guess it doesn't really matter, since I like to change the message anyway, just because I can.

When Ren gets home, I'm going to tell him that Doc wants to make a diss track with him about Grian.

[Click]

-

[Click]

[Martyn] I wouldn't do it.

(Jimmy's voice is coming through a phone speaker)

[Jimmy] Martyn, I promise you, I'm quitting if you do it.

[Martyn] (laughing) Right, but I wouldn't do it.

(Movement is heard as Martyn starts to look for something.)

[Jimmy] (frustrated) No- but you're saying it like you are going to do it!

[Martyn] But I wouldn't though!

(something falls, making a 'thud' sound as it hits the floor)

[Jimmy] I can hear you rummaging through your things!

[Martyn] (wheezing) But I-

[Jimmy] If I walk into the archives tomorrow and you scare me with a stupid party popper again I promise you I will leave.

[Martyn] (wheezing) I just wouldn't though.

(another object falls)

[Jimmy] Martyn.

[Martyn] I wouldn't.

(something else falls. Martyn is probably doing it on purpose)

[Jimmy] STOP!

(Martyn laughs)

[Click]

-

[Click]

[Martyn] I think my favourite thing about Tim is that I could tell him anything and he'll think I'm messing with him. I told him today that I was looking into a case about a cult dedicated to darkness. His immediate response was:

(mocking) "That's not funny, Martyn, stop it!"

(Martyn laughs)

(a pause)

I’ve known him since we were kids, but Jimmy doesn’t know me enough to tell when I’m joking, I guess.

(static)

Ah, wait-

(a pause then a light knock on the door)

Come in!

(door opens)

[Ren] Hey dude, is there a reason your rent paperwork has a completely random name on it?

[Martyn] Oh, Martyn Littlewood isn't my legal name. It just sounds cooler.

[Ren] That checks out. I looked at the name on this thing and was like "who is this loser?" 

[Martyn] (laughing) I'm a different person now. My loser days are behind me.

[Ren] Well, thanks for letting me know, Phillip Watson.

[Martyn] Don't you dare!

(Ren laughs as he closes the door.)

[Martyn] If he starts calling me Phil, I swear to God-

[Click]

-

[Click]

[Martyn] That play Ren's been rehearsing, The Rise of the Red King–it's starting to grow on me. I remember helping him practice a little the day I moved in, but I'm forcing him to let me help more since I caught him rehearsing it on his own again.

He was in his room just repeating the lines quietly on his own. I imagine he was only holding back so as to not disturb me, but the unfortunate curse for the beautiful Archivist is I hear everything.

Which means I heard the awkward silence between each line he read out. So I took it upon myself to start responding, to fill that gap.

He said something like, "and as you know, every king must have a hand."

And I, charming as ever, poked my head in and said, "two is preferable, so you can hold things."

Then he continued, "I can think of no greater person than you." 

And the accent he chose for this character was like a mix between Scottish and Irish with like a bit of pirate. It was so bizarre. I'm doing the best I can to imitate it but I just can't do it like Ren. And I-

(door opens)

[Ren] Good afternoon, Martyn.

[Martyn] Good day, my liege.

[Ren] Martyn, will you do the honour of being the Hand of the King on this fine day?

[Martyn] Oh my word. Do I get a little pin badge?

[Ren] Definitely, dude.

When a kingdom is formed, loyalty must be proven. Later there will be a test for you. And if ye pass, it'll be ye and me to the end!

(Ren clears his throat and returns to speaking normally)

It's shopping, your test is grocery shopping. I'm heading out, did you want to come?

[Martyn] Only if you do that voice in public.

[Ren] You're insane, dude.

The King likes it. And you shall follow in his footsteps! Today, both our mettles will be tested.

[Martyn] Oh geez. I don't think my metal is very dense, so I'm gonna struggle.

[Ren] Alright, chat over. Let's get out of here, dude. But um- are you recording this?

[Martyn] Ah-! 3 years and I still always forget to turn these-

[Click]

-

[Click]

[Martyn] Good evening, my liege.

[Ren] Hand of the King. To what do I owe the pleasure?

[Martyn] The carrots, m'lord! It will be a bountiful harvest!

[Ren] Oh, dude! No way! Show me right this instant.

[Martyn] I took your teachings and successfully grew a small handful of carrots. Come see!

(a pair of footsteps then a sliding door being pushed out of the way)

(Sound of dirt shifting as a carrot is pulled from the soil)

Ta-da!

[Ren] (excited, high-pitched) Oh! Dude! Look at that!

[Martyn] That's right boss, fresh produce right here in our garden. They're a little small, but size isn't everything.

[Ren] Let's get these out of the ground and wash them. We could make a carrot cake with these!

[Martyn] This is why you're the boss. I would have never thought of that.

[Ren] (laughing) But what's a King without his loyal Hand?

[Click]

-

[Click]

(the recording starts while Martyn and Ren are in the middle of laughing)

(there's the sound of cake batter being aggressively stirred underlining the recording)

[Ren] Martyn, you're wasting batter!

[Martyn] You said to mix well!

[Ren] Dude! Not that well! You're getting cake giblets all over the kitchen! Stop it!

(Martyn and Ren laugh)

[Click]

-

[Click]

[Ren] (mocking) Statement of Ren Diggity Dog

I have no idea what you actually do at the archives, but I bet that's what you sound like.

[Martyn] Dude! What are you-

[Ren] Yes, I'd like to talk about my strange roommate-

[Martyn] Ren, don't even joke like that! Now give it here-

[Ren] You always use this to record me anyway. Why? Is it your personal audio diary?

[Martyn] No! That's not what that is!

[Ren] Then what is it?

[Martyn] How about you just hand it back and-

[Ren] (laughing) You're deflecting, dude! Oh, this is definitely a diary.

[Martyn] (laughing) Ren, give that-

[Click]

-

[Click]

(all sound is muffled as if through a wall)

[Scar] Knock knock!

[Ren] Scar-

[Scar] Ren! It's been a while!

Oh man, I missed this place. It's been, what? Four months since I last saw you?

(a pause, then Scar laughs)

As talkative as always.

How's your new roommate? I haven't seen the Archivist in ages! Is he good?

(a door opens and Scar's voice is no longer muffled) 

Oh wow. There's a lot of interesting stuff in here.

(Scar hums something as he thinks)

(he starts to rummage through Martyn's things)

Ah! There it is.

Ren, you won't miss these, right?

[Ren] No- No, you can have them.

[Scar] Wonderful. Pleasure doing business with you, Ren.

[Click]

-

[Click]

(extended silence)

[Martyn] I thought I could trust him...

(a pause)

(Martyn makes a frustrated sound and tosses the tape onto his bed)

(fading as he walks out) Ren, did you touch the thermostat again!?

[Click]

-

[Click]

(door opening)

(silence)

[Ren] Sorry, Martyn.

(Ren sniffs the air then he enters the room)

(extended sound of papers being rummaged through)

[Ren] There you are- erm, whatever you are.

Statement of Pearl Moon. Okay. I can work with that.

(a pause then footsteps approach)

[Ren] When did this turn on?

[Click]

-

[Click]

[Martyn] (whispering and panicked) Ren has been standing on the other side of my door for an hour now. Waiting...

I don't know what he wants. I know he's been taking Hunt statements, but I have no idea why. I can't even tell how far gone he is or why he's hunting m-

(a knock on the door)

(Martyn holds his breath)

(extended silence)

(distant footsteps as Ren walks away)

Yeah, fuck that. I'm not sleeping tonight.

[Click]

-

[Click]

(distant sounds of screaming, everything muffled as if through a wall)

(there's a collection of a dozen heavy footsteps all quickly getting further away along with the screaming)

(Ren and Martyn are also muffled through the wall)

(Ren is laughing, hysterical and manic)

[Martyn] Ren, get a hold of yourself!

(Ren continues to laugh)

[Click]

-

[Click]

[Martyn] Hang on, I'm just going to grab a few random statements then we can go!

[Ren] (distant) Take your time!

(sound of a small handful of papers being picked up)

[Martyn] It's going to be fine...

(Martyn takes in a deep breath)

(he releases his breath, quivering like he's cold)

(a pause)

Fuck...

[Click]

-

[Click]

[Ren] (whispering) Martyn passed out the moment his head hit the couch. The statements he read helped heal his wounds a little. They're still... bad, but at least he's sleeping through it.

Me, though? I think I'm going to be awake for a while.

So I'm trying what Martyn does. Talk complete nonsense into a tape just to turn thoughts into words. I had to grab his audio diary from his room since the one we had ran out of tape. I'm sure he won't mind this one time. Plus, I know he listens back through this one all the time and I...

I kind of want him to hear this.

I guess first, Martyn looks terrible. I'm staring at his filthy face right now from across the room. He's covered in dirt and his sweater is completely ruined. Although, I guess that's my fault. But he's been wearing that same sweater for months now. Good riddance, I say.

I'll find him a proper style when he's ready to go out again.

(Ren chuckles to himself then pauses)

Only if he wants to, of course.

(another pause)

I think... I think he's stuck with me now. After my... change, he said the hunt was over but... I know he only put it on hold. I can feel my blood waiting, itching for him to run so I can chase him down again. He said he wasn't going anywhere but...

[Martyn] (groggy and distant) Ren?

[Ren] Oh- Martyn. I'm sorry, did I wake you, my friend?

(movement as Ren gets up and walks towards Martyn)

[Martyn] No. I've been up this whole time. Listening.

[Ren] I didn't mean to keep you up, dude. My bad.

[Martyn] Can I have the tape?

(the recorder is passed to Martyn)

Ren, did you know the cold is typically an attribute of the Lonely?

[Ren] So what's your theory on the snow back at Dogwarts, then..?

[Martyn] My current theory is that you're too much of a social guy to be attracting the Lonely.

(a pause)

[Ren] Oh, Martyn...

[Martyn] I meant it, okay? I'm not going anywhere. I'm with you.

[Ren] It's you and me to the end.

[Martyn] Yeah. To the End.

[Click]

[oblivionsdream]

Ooh yes I love the murderbot diaries! I discovered them this year and I'm so sad that I've read all of them now.

Book recs. Not ones that I read this year for the first time but one's I love and never shut up about.

The first series is called the tarot sequence by K.D. Edwards. It's an incomplete series. Nine books are planned, three are currently out plus a bunch of extra free stories you can find on his website.

If you read and enjoyed aftg you'll probably be fine but I'd still recommend checking out the trigger warnings just incase.

This is so difficult to describe in a way that doesn't turn into a rambling mess but I'll try.

Atlantis is real and was discovered sometime in the 1960s when an astronaut saw it from space. There was a war. Atlantis lost and they now live on Nantucket. The governing body is a bunch of super powerful magic users. They are the major arcana. (Tarot decks are based off of them though humans didn’t know it at the time) they are sort of royalty and have lesser houses belonging to them.

The sun throne, the court of our main character Rune, was raided when he was a teenager and nobody knows who did it. (His secret mission is to find out who killed his people and make them pay.)

His best friend/bodyguard/companion (basically a human baby is aquired and put together with an atlantian baby to protect them and they can feel each others emotions, it's described much better in the books) and Rune are detectives for hire. In the first book they are hired to solve a missing persons case but due to something that happens right at the beginning of the book they have some unforseen circumstances they need to deal with simultaneously.

The other series is the last binding by Freya Marske. The first book takes place in London in 1908. It's dual pov. Robin is mistakenly placed in a small bureau and is suddenly thrust into the world of the magical community. Only problem he had no idea it existed before and something happened to his predecessor but nobody knows what. Also after his first day he has a terrible curse put upon him and he needs his coworkers help to remove it.

A larger conspiracy is uncovered and they’re in a race against time to stop their enemies from succeeding.

What i love about both of these series is the relationships between the characters. They care about each other so much. And not just the romantic relationships. The sibling dynamics are amazing and they are so fleshed out.

And obviously the plot is incredible as are the intricate magic systems. It's also so queer. In the tarot sequence polyamory and being attracted to more than one gender is the norm. And in the last binding all of the main characters are queer and even though it is a dangerous time to be queer it's not all doom and gloom.

I always feel like I don’t do them justice when I try to describe them and I never know how much to say without it venturing into spoiler territory but they are so good!

OMG THE TAROT SEQUENCE IS SO AMAZING. I am eagerly awaiting the next book. It's a terrible shame that it doesn't get as much hype around it because it's just so good. I did a bunch of art for it a couple years ago in the style of tarot cards but I never finished them all. I always think about going back to them. 😂

I also adored Last Binding! I haven't read the other books in the series, but they're on my tbr and I keep meaning to get around to it. I just haven't yet!

[ana-mp3]

INTRO <3 | TW: ED mentions

DISCLAIMERS:

This blog is meant to serve as an online diary and a place where I can talk about my struggles (ED, depression, ADHD, etc.). If you do not like what I post please BLOCK, DON'T REPORT.

I am NOT promoting EDs or any mental health issues I talk about.

I am very pro-recovery

ABOUT ME:

Hello! My name is Lilian, but I go by Lili. I'm queer (I really don't know TT. I'm either bi or a lesbian). I am a minor (6teen). I used to be @Lazyana (but got termed :/). I'm not sure what else to talk about.. so here are some of my interests :D. I LOVE music! I love listening to music, playing instruments, and singing! (Although I am terrible). I can play the flute, and I'm learning the piano and guitar :D (All incredibly half-assed I should mention). Along with music, I quite enjoy Philosophy/Ethics, Psychology, Geography, Vexillology, and Etymology! (Typing this out I just now realize how boring I am).

ABOUT MY ED:

(Be advised, this is very ramble-y and typed at 03:30)

I have atypical @nørexia (Which diagnostically isn't that different from regular @nør3xia). It's all the same criteria, just not being underweight. I've never received any type of treatment/medical attention for my ED. I've had an on-and-off ED for a few years now, but it got serious this year. I've always been insecure about my body, ever since elementary school. I have always been taller and a bit bigger than all my friends (It didn't help that they were/are all just naturally very skinny and short) and so I've found my ED journey(?) extremely lonely and isolating. An ED in itself is already a deeply lonesome experience, but with the addition of all your friends (ever) being the standard you so desperately wish you were just throws in new emotions. Sadness, anger, jealousy, guilt, shame, and knowing that they would never (truly) understand what you're going through. (I'm not saying that skinny people can't have ED's. I'm saying that they wouldn't understand what it's like to be bigger with an ED). I haven't told anyone about my ED for a few reasons. 1) I don't want to be a burden that they have to watch over. I don't want them to be worried about me constantly (I also don't want to feel pressured to eat). 2) I am not at the results I want yet. I've always had a thought in the back of my mind, "You can eat/get better/get help/etc., once you're skinny" and surprise surprise, I'm not there yet. 3) I just know they wouldn't/couldn't understand. They all are skinny/short/really pretty, blessed with fast metabolisms. How could they understand that I have to ⭐ve myself to get skinner. How could they understand that I hate how I look so badly, that I need to punish myself for it. How could they possibly understand my obsessively toxic mindset, where I'm acutely aware of everything I've ate and the calories I've consumed (I can't forget what I've ate until I log it). 4) They'd never look at me the same. Sure, they wouldn't judge me for it, but I'd always have that target stuck on my back forever. I'd always be 'the girl with the ED'. 5) This is one of my most vulnerable secrets I'm keeping. I can barely communicate with my friends about significantly less intense mental health issues, let alone a god damn ED.

STATS:

SW: 178lbs/80kg

CW: 160.6lbs/73kg

GW1: 154lbs/70kg

GW1: 147lbs/67kg

GW2: 140lbs/63kg

GW3: 132lbs/60kg

GW3: 127lbs/58kg

UGW: 110lbs/50kg

height: 5'8/173cm

That has been that <3. (Again please don't report, It really doesn't help in any way :( please just block me)

[cruesuffix]

some things need to just be said in a diary or something but idc i love talking about that old man. like every so often i feel the inane urge to just ramble on and on about that old man on here and it’s so detrimental to my sanity and the way the good folks on tumblr see me. but just thinking about him sends me into the whole parasocial spiral. pls…i would have treated that old man so good. it’s so weird i just want to give all my love to that man because he truly deserved so much better than what he had for SOOOO long. im glad he’s in a much better place with ppl who actually care about him…but he deserved that in the first place. i wish he didn’t have to go through all that for so long. not to be a pick me or criminally insane about someone i don’t know but… i would have treated my parasocial boyfriend ten times better than she who shall not be named and she who shall not be named the second. oh and maybe even the thing. yeah ok now i am just insane but i just have the innate urge to treat that old man with respect and love and care. wanna just hug him until all the terror and pain and agony he’s faced in his life just slowly dissipates. it’s not enough for me to hope he feels all the love in the world, i need to explicitly give it to him myself. he’s like a cat i need to knit a sweater for to show my appreciation for him.

…ok, it’s very apparent that im extremely mentally ill about some random dude ive never met before. idc anymore…why do you think ive made this blog for? its not cute here, but im sure everyone’s already figured that one out.

[blue-moon-wolf]

Ramblings about clinical lycanthropy/people’s negative views on it

Basically I just wanted to ramble about how my family and generally people around me aren’t accepting at all of the fact that I have lycanthropy.

It just happens to me and is a part of me, I consider it a big part of my identity and who I am because that’s just what I am. I’m not a human like my family or random people around me are. I’m just a wolf in a human’s form who acts like a human and lives like one because that’s what I have to do in order to survive in a human society, as much as I wish I could just, run away in the woods and truly be myself as I am, my wolf form.

My family though, even from a young age when I figured out I was a werewolf, they just thought I was playing imaginary things or trying to get attention etc. and would force me to “forget and get rid of” it all. Even as I became a older teenager they thought “oh you’re just acting like a animal for some reason maybe you’re playing pretend even though at your age you shouldn’t be playing pretend, etc”. And then they found some of the things I wrote in my diary about me being a lycanthrope because they would without my permission search through my things especially while I was out of the house (they continued to do this until I became an adult). They then would tell me “you’re not a wolf/werewolves aren’t real/you can’t become a animal/you’re not a child anymore so why are you trying to act like a animal and all this stuff” further making me try and hide it all from them. And when my doctor found out about the things I was doing they told me “clinical lycanthropy is very rare and if you actually had it (insert stereotypes here about it)”

which those things caused me to further hide the fact I was having psychotic episodes, had psychosis and it just became a thing where I would hide that I was having an episode to everyone possible even my doctors and that kept me from getting help for years and because of all that I ended up being in a lot of pain and fear and depression constantly. I still hide my psychosis symptoms from everyone because yeah. I don’t need anyone knowing and my family and my doctor don’t take me seriously.

I’ve hid myself for way too long and now that I’m an adult and have been for a few years I plan to change that and fully be myself because I get tired of living as a human.

But it was super upsetting to hear how stigmatizing even my doctor was about it, when all these years I’ve been struggling with it silently and hiding it from everyone always. Even now that I learned it was lycanthropy I still hide it and am in denial of it all because of how many years I’ve been told over and over that whatever is going on with me isn’t real and I am supposed to be “normal”/being forced into acting and dressing and living like a human from humans who don’t understand me.

I wish clinical lycanthropy wasn’t seen as something so “extremely rare” and something that you’re “supposed to get rid of”. For the most part it’s never affected me negatively. Yeah it causes me stress during certain times but I just suppress it a lot by default anyways because that’s what I was taught to do from my family and doctors actions against it. I’m sad that I can’t be myself and fully feel like I am me.

[fairycosmos]

Oh boy, things are extremely rough atm. Can you recommend any healthy coping mechanisms? I literally don’t know a single one that works for me except for self destruction and being on my phone until I don’t feel anything anymore. And apparently that’s not what we’re supposed to do when we’re sad

ok so unfortunately all of my healthy coping mechanisms only half work for me and it's a total gamble whether or not they're going to on any given day. and none of them ever cure my mental illness which is annoying. like they're not fail-proof solutions and a lot of the time they're simply frustrating in fact it often feels laughable to even try them. a walk is not going to make any of this better. but consistency DOES strengthen your coping skills like a weak muscle. like even after 3 days of practicing them i'm like Ok well i feel like shit but i survived without hurting myself and that was the whole point. not a cure but a tool. ok i'm just going to list them because otherwise, i will ramble forever. btw it's ok to do like, even half of one of these per day. there's no need to overwhelm yourself at all :) coping is coping.

meditation - it sounds and feels like bullshit but i follow this youtube called great meditation and they upload 10 min guided meditation sessions and they have truly gotten me through a lot of low moments at this point. sometimes i feel much better after and sometimes i barely notice a difference but the point is i've sat and breathed for a bit

journaling - i thought i needed some sort of mental health diary for this but then i just opened a google doc and followed these mental health journal prompts ( just one every other day, nothing overwhelming, and no pressure to write a lot or to write anything in particular) and it helped me organise my thoughts and notice the patterns i was/am locking myself into. there's also trauma processing prompts online if that is what you're after.

free writing - again just opening a word doc but this time you just write without thinking literally letting go and putting down whatever words your fingers type - no judgement no curation no performance no expectations.

submerging my face in cold water, holding ice cubs - good for grounding.

crying my eyes out, purposefully listening to sad songs or watching sad movies in order to do so - cleansing, painful, tires you out and can make you feel renewed briefly.

breathwork - again there's some great youtube vids for this. i do this 20 min nervous system reset somewhat often, but there's shorter ones that are also very effective. box breathing also helps if you just need a simple go to - breathe in for 4, hold for 4, our for 4.

lie down on a hard surface or the floor with your back straight - another grounding thing. to occupy your mind during this you can name 5 things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one you can taste.

pat your arms, legs, stomach, head, chest gently and breathe deeply - again it can be grounding.

watch trail cam vids of cute animals, use the wikipedia page generator to read up on smth you've never really thought about before, download duolingo and start learning a language. not to become fluent just to get your mind out of the place it's in, even for 5 minutes.

literally just move around especially outside - HATEEE to say it but stretching on your bedroom floor, going for a walk, following an exercise video etc - it can really help you feel a bit less stale and myopic. if it's too much, opening a window is a good start. or simply standing outside your house for 2 minutes and going back in. the air will feel good.

make sure all your bases are covered - have you eaten, have you slept, have you showered, have you talked to someone in the last few days, are you hydrated? if not, make a small move towards doing one of those things. feeling like crap physically only compounds how crap you feel mentally and so the cycle perpetuates.

scream, punch/throw pillows, snap pencils, stab at paper with pens.

affirmations - i'm trying to build a list of ones that resonate with me specifically because a lot of them don't LOL. but there's a lot of good resources online for this. one of my favorite current ones is: doing a little is better than doing nothing. a job half done is better than a job not done at all.

do something creative - it's not about being an artistic genius it's about doing something tangible with your hands and getting out of your head and using the space in your brain to focus on something that doesn't feel doomed. drawing, singing, cooking, playing an instrument, writing, whatever you want. you don't have to have done it before. you can just do it.

talk to someone you trust/care about, let them in even a tiny bit. it's ok to verbalise these things. give them a fair chance to be there for you the way you'd want to be there for them. i know it's hard, all of this is, but it's not impossible. also, look for any communal resources you can find - support groups, local therapists who may offer sliding scale prices that are affordable. it all sucks but it's something.

will add more when/if any come to mind. i'm sorry you're feeling like this and i sincerely hope it all becomes a bit lighter for you soon. sending so much love. x