#no one mentioned it online either
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OH MY GOD THE EARRING
KINOSAKI IS WEARING THE GERO FAMILY CREST
THAT’S THE SAME SYMBOL THAT GERO HAS
I’M SCREAMING
This was a longtime headcanon of mine, haha, I can’t believe it’s real! Gero giving Kinosaki something emblazoned with the family crest to help keep him safe. Especially since they deal with the underworld so often.
Absolutely incredible.
#no one mentioned it online either#where’s the fic of Gero awkwardly giving Kino gifts of jewelry and stuff (o wait I write fic it’s up to me)#wonder if this was recent since the Teruaki arc?#Marriagetoxin#Kinosaki Mei#Gero Hikaru#Marriage Toxin#I say#GeroKino#GeroSaki
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just for your reminder, mondstadt literally means "moon city". moon being "mond" and city as "stadt". fyi on why i'm talking about this is because i am a literal moon enthusiast and whenever i come across this thought in my head i think "wow. my favoritest city in my favoritest game is really named after my most favoritest thing to look at." and then it just ends up strengthening my love for mondstadt even more
just wondering if there are any mondstadt enthusiasts who are also fellow moon enjoyers? plus points if you're a lore enthusiast because i REALLY wanna know the lore and origin behind mondstadt's name.
#genshin impact#mondstadt#mondstadt genshin#genshin lore#and not to mention my online name is literally amaris#which means child of the moon#that is how obssessed with the moon i am#like can venti just drop some lore to us because i'm really starting to get the vibes that mondstadt is related to the moon/lunar palace#like. mondstadt and lunar palace lore when#once again mihoyo is gatekeeping us some precious lore of them places#i also think its because either mondstadts earliest founders has a relation with one of the moon sisters?#maybe one of the moon sisters named it or its true founder named it after them#could this hint to the fact that mondstadt is much older than we think it is?#despite how isolated it was during the reign of decarabian?#like we only ever get to have mondstadt's lore form until decarabians reign until the aristocracy#not just from what we're first introduced in the cutscenes but in the books and lore pieces that we get from the game#i wonder if there is a deeper history that extends from even far beyond decarabians reign#like besides#what was decarabian doing even before he reigned mondstadt? how did he even get that position?#and once again my ramblings all circle back to venti#i hope carmen dei act II will give us some huge lore bomb about mondstadt's origins and it's name#plus the moon sisters#and pleaspleapselpaase decarabian lore i'm so fascinated with this god#like yeah ik he's a tyrannical ruler but please#ok im done
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what they dont tell you about being incredibly introspective is that you'll think you're done making realizations and then you'll just make more realizations always all the time forever
#dude. guess who just found out the reason he's incapable of imagining himself in a good relationship#is bc he's never witnessed any growing up.#my parents dont have a relationship i would want#only one of my siblings is married and her husband sucks. other has never dated while ive been alive (im much younger)#+ my other sibling had. a strange relationship i wont mention details of but this was also like 5 yrs ago and he hasnt dated since#i have very few close friends and none of them dated as we grew up either#or even with some its like. i wldnt want your relationship lol...#the only Good relationships i see are online from ppl i follow. and then i cant trust em bc we only see the Good Parts#so like. do they even exist... i dont think so....#if i wasnt starved for physical touch id consider throwing in the towel permanently#but idk maybe ill buy one of those pillows with the arms that wrap around you#and a few more **** and try and cope with it in kenland or al's farm forever#talkys#im still 100% serious about ppl who have good relationships being lucky bc i feel like#the chances of finding someone you mesh with and are attracted to and can communicate with. are so slim.#i can barely ever find someone meeting one of many requirements. i can barely make friends. etc
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I have a gift for y'all today !!! 😊 Ever wanted to find a line in Re:Kinder in a single place for the sake of reference?? How about multiple chunks of lines. how about all the little variations that arise in the text with it's many endings, item descriptions, text that comes from interacting with the enviroment, and character info from the menu without having to boot up the game and go through it at long minutes!!???
well i sure did😊 Since I do a lot of fanart and think up my own silly theories and thoughts that need me to reference the game lines a lot, i have made a transcript for it for convenience's sake. A weirdly thorough transcript handwritten and proofread by me including all character lines available in-game. And I'm sharing it with you all today for anyone that wants it !!! :3 To use as a reference for creative fanworks or a quick search for a line in-game, whatever you wish to use it for!!
It uses the english translation of the game by vgperson. So naturally all credit for the game lines available in here is to her and Parun who made the game.
I did my best to organize it in a way easy to digest. Do note that I'm still human, and there's still the chance for mistake in it no matter how much I've proofread it, since I'm not even an english native speaker ^^. But I hope it serves you well nonetheless if you wish to use it.
That's my gift for today!!! Not the usual art, but still a project I'm proud of. Enjoy!!! 😊
#re:kinder#rekinder#not art#now goofy commentary for those who read my tags#i may have spent at the very minimum around 35 hours on it 😁 because thats what my pomodoro timer got to count in sum#but then again i spent more time without timing it as well so. we'll never know how many hours in total I've put into this#no regrets it was fun because shocking fact of all i enjoy this game🫣 (/s)#you could say but michael there are long playthroughs available on YouTube#couldnt you reference that instead of making a transcript#to that i say... they don't play the game like i do im picky as hell they dont show me every nook and cranny possible#and also i dont like scrubbing through those i thought just pressing ctrlF on a script would be easier. AND IT IS JAJSJSJSJSJS#but thats personal preference all in all#and im used to using transcripts for fanworks coming from earthbound. like there's one for the main game dialogue online and i love it a lot#for this game to not have any felt like some sort of crime considering how cool the story and the lines it has are#its also plenty useful for a game you're writing the spanish wiki for#yes i am doing that apparently my hobby became community work since i got into this game#gotta put that free time before turning 18 and getting a job onto something why not make resources just because i can#anyway fun fact while proofreading i noticed that everytime yuuichi was on scene there was a typo because i got too excited or emotional#either i was laughing because of how evil he is or i was getting unreasonably angry at the treatment he recieved in the past#in section 9 which is true end confrontation i was doing mistakes left and right until the fabled princess line scene#there i was bawling like a baby but THE ERRORS STOPPED ABRUPTLY LIKE I WAS FIGHTING FOR MY LIFE ALL UNTIL THE SCENE ENDED#THEN THERE WERE A BUTLOAD OF MISTAKES ITS INCREDIBLY FUNNY😭 i was fighting for my life holding in all those typos because i couldnt see#so this transcript was made with a lot of emotion laugh and tears and now you know#now i can get bagk to drawing this is the thing i mentioned i was doing fot a while#content feeding schedule crazy rn
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not even gonna tag this properly bc i don't wanna get Involved but i do have some Thoughts i need to get out into the void so here we go
(aaa quick edit: CW for mention/discussion of Boothill leaks)
#today's gone Badly and i'm upset but instead of venting abt it i'm gonna channel that energy into doing a bit of tag rambling abt Boothill#well. less abt Him and more abt uh. self-analyzing my anxiety surrounding contributing to fandoms. he's just today's catalyst#like. i know it's mostly a me thing. i'm hypersensitive to criticism and very conflict avoidant + socially anxious + perfectionistic etc.#so I'm the one that keeps myself from posting more stuff out of fear of being criticized or called-out for what i've made#bc inevitably Someone's gonna see it and think its OOC or a problematic take or they'll misread my intent. etc etc what have you#but like. that's inevitable. there's no way to communicate every single thing with all of the nuance required to avoid misunderstandings#and other times it's not a misunderstanding it's just a difference of opinions and that's Fine!! there's no accounting for personal taste#there's no accounting for several things actually. taste‚ bias‚ lore-knowledge‚ differing levels of chronic-online-ness‚ etc#so this isn't me complaining abt the state of fandom culture (although i do think. sometimes. ppl take shit a bit too seriously)#but anyways all of this is mostly just anxiety-fueled. it's not like i very often actually even receive negative feedback or anything#if anything ppl tend to tell me that i'm overthinking it and killing my own fun and worried that my stuff is more OOC than it is#which like. yeah. Yeah u right :) but that's just the way that i am! always losing the idgaf war i suppose#anyways what's Boothill got to do w this ur wondering. well. i've been thinking abt the quickly emerging concept that he's illiterate.#and it just. has me feeling a lot of ways. and watching ppl disagree over it has me feeling some Bad ways. bc it's def a loaded topic!#if you'll pardon the pun there. and i don't rlly have anything new to add other than that i'm conflicted abt it.#like yeah i saw the leaks days ago. of him mentioning 'not hitting the books' much as a child when we ask him why he sends voice messages#or voice Transcriptions ig. ykwim. and like. *braces for impact* ...i liked it? like. it doesn't feel right to call it endearing#i'm not trying to infantilize him. ok that's not the right word either but ugh. you know? what i mean?? who am i kidding even i don't know#it's not quite right to say that it feels like Representation either. but it's something close i guess#as a southern person myself who didn't receive a 'complete' education due to factors that weren't to do with my intelligence#the concept of seeing him as a capable force to be reckoned with and respected who also happens to have not received much formal education#i like that. i do. but there's so many issues w it at the same time. like. as i said‚ being southern myself has me Wary of the way Hoyo is-#writing him. as well as of the way that the fandom is taking the bits of his lore and running away w them. and i'm Very aware of how ppl-#will see a southern character and be All Too Eager to agree that they're lacking intelligence based on our Redneck™ stereotype#sigh. and before we even go too far with this. it's not even confirmed that hes completely illiterate. which is a valid criticism i've seen#there's Multiple reasons that could make him prefer voice to text. but regardless. i'm just worried that ppl will misconstrue my intentions#like. example: that edit i made the other day of him saying 'no thanks i can't read'. wasn't me playing into the stereotype of-#'haha dumb country boy can't read!' it was. in my eyes. something he'd say as a joke to make light of a potential insecurity#like. i think there's far more depth to Boothill's character if ppl could look past the surface. and i dont wanna contribute to the problem#but sometimes ppl Will have stereotypical traits and i wish the same could apply to characters as long as it's done Thoughtfully.
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im actually really worried that im not that interested in &j anymore like ivd been having a hard time writing about it and talking about it online and i mean i talk about it a lot irl but idk like people have been knowing more than me and im starting to feel so incredibly inferior that it's hard for me to enjoy it
#im in this group chaf and im the only one there that doesnt live in new york snf doesnt know any og them irl and theyall know more and see#it a lot and know about the swing order and i dont and ive been feeling so bad about it and it's been so hard for me and then i have friends#that are clearlv better at fandom in general than me so theyre better at characterisation so if i get criticisrd i just feel Terrible and i#havent properly wtitten in ages caude ive been so worried about my characterisation cause a friend very gently criticised me on my character#isation like 2 months ago and i really look up to this person so now i just cant Do anything#and also the thing that they eere pointing out wad more anothrr friend's thing that i didn't even Like much but if someone talks enough i#can be persuaded to anything and also because im just terrified do i#'ll go along with literally anything just because i dont want poeple to hate me#and it's ruining my enjoyment and i mean i made an au and i was hoping that that would make it so that i could maybe write again but nobody#carrd so now i judt cant#i feel so broken right now#also people that were meant to be &j friends are now friend friends and i mean thats Fine#but i cant! handle it!!!#i cant talk about other things unless it's My other things#and i especially cant talk about five nights at freddy's because i used to be hyperfixated on that so now that im.not i just cant! talk abou#t it! or hear about it!!!#not to mention that that game fucking destroyed my life when i was 9 because everyone liked it but i didn't know what it eas anf they wouldn#t explain so now i judt CANT hear about it!!!!!!#i cant do it i cant. do this#i miss when it brought me so much joy but now i hate talking about it online and i cant do it anymore#i can't pretend to care i can't keep being an &j blog even though i do love it!!!! but i feel so insecure and inferior that i just cant!!!!!#i hate this so mcuh im sorry i needrd to get this out#i dont have anything interesting to say anymore and i mean there's also just like. the whole being autistic thing and not wanting peopel to#judge me for my interests which they have my whole life and now it's too much and i cant care this much anymore. i just can't#i dont have anything to contribute either i cant draw and i can't write anymore and i just dont know what to do#sorry
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It really is crazy how everyone but aces seem to be completely over this site's history of ace discourse. Even some of its biggest and shittiest aphobes are still popular bloggers on here, acting like they didn't get a ton of followers by bashing queers they thought were beneath them, and hell a lot of them still act like that to this day
Out of everyone who acted horrible during ace discourse, which was 90% of tumblr users and every tumblr funnyman btw, the one I remember hating the fucking most was one user who had an uwu trustworthy artist aesthetic and posted a lot of hateful bullshit about how aces are both indoctrinated fools and culpable liars. She told an asexual to their face that aces don't experience sexual abuse or corrective rape. To a survivor of corrective rape. And then called them a lesbophobe for saying they were raped. (If you're wondering, she was applauded for this and no one thought it was cruel or strange -- that's how bad this shit was. You would see extremely popular posts on your dash all the time just blatantly sharing disinformation about how depression drugs was what caused asexuality or why the SAM model encouraged violent homophobia or that Hitler and Thatcher were asexual or how asexuals want people to die of AIDS. Telling an ace to their face that getting raped was insignificant and that they're homophobic for talking about it was literally normal discourse.)
This same user then added aro and ace flags to her dumbass pride picrew so she could crosspost the link into our tags for more attention.
Because we were always too cringy to respect but too genuinely harmless to actually matter by their own admission. Like a stuffed target dummy you could practice fagbashing on and then put away when it wasn't cool and trendy anymore.
#sorry just saw a picrew and had a really uglly memory rear its head#also all memes at the time were either anti-ace in oorigin#or occasionally anti-ace in usage. people talking about tumblr memes of the year like to brush past this#ace discourse#rape mention#aids mention#every asexual who was online at the time was traumatised by that lol how funny no one cares lol yippee who even gaf#look everyone the biggest aphobe alive just posted a funny joke yay remember when he said it didn't matter if aces killed themselves yay#discourse#rant
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Sorry but we're going through this viscous cycle of choice feminism > radfem backlash > choice feminism blacklash like every couple of years like it's an endless loop everytime in different flavors and I feel like it's so tiring we never get to like, collective normal understanding of feminism lol
#like postmodern feminism isnt even on the table as a way to frame anything idk why it never is like maybe my higher education experience#isnt universal but i genuinly feel that even in universities unless you study that shit specifically when genders mentioned theyre like yea#so youre either a radfem or a liberal gun to your head choose#those are the two frames of work i was ever introduced to academically (again i study law so they dont really mention feminism a lot) and#the only ones gaining popularity#online
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#its really weird you know#like ive kinda distanced myself from a lot of interactions#but when i do talk to people#and just to see how removed they are from politics etc#im not wording this very well but examples are just#me casually tutting when labour are mentioned#to be asked if i dont like them#and im like yeah i hate them. especially kier starmer.#and theyre like nodding along. but then to be diplomatic (this person was english) i say that i do like certain labour mps though like zarah#sultana etc#and the blank look i got. like idk. im probably just very online but this is someone whos educated and has a good job. so i just kinda#assumed theyd be a bit mroe aware of whats going on?#and then another person#i mentioned how theres books for kids about palestines history#i didnt mention anything else#and just... kinda silence. like a head nod and then convo moved on#and again i could just be over analysing but it almost felt like they didnt wanna talk about it because they didnt know/care?#which maybe. but i just kinda feel like at this fucking point. how can you not know.#i dont get how people are just so unaware of whats going on in the world around them. especially when its things that do indirectly affect#them. when it comes to people being incriminately harmed and murdered#like i dont think these people are against palestine or big labour fans etc etc either#but its just the blissful ignorance#idk maybe im just jealous tbh. because this shit haunts my every waking moment. the thought that theres so many bigoted and ignorant people#around the world scares me. and i never want to be one of them#this is such a jumbled ramble#but alas#le text post
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Caged, she paces, first aid kit in hand growing useless with each passing second without electricity.
Beyond the glass, a woman's life drips away — for her sake.
"The lights should be back soon, Mother Superion, stay awake," she says, herself unbelieving.
It is somehow more shocking to see her fade thus than the explosive death she would have faced just minutes earlier.
No response.
"Mother Superion?!" Jillian implores, pushing against the glass.
A murmur.
"Mother Superion, please —"
"… Suzanne. My name… Is Suzanne," she breathes out.
Jillian winces at the farewell.
"Suzanne. Don't —"
The lights return; the door opens at last.
#doctor superion#warrior nun drabble#warrior nun#mother superion#jillian salvius#rejoice for it is doctor superion drabble friday lol#i've mentioned this before but for now this is the last drabble i have#as i have been working on another oneshot... which i've yesterday started to rewrite entirely lol#so i cannot tell whether i'll find the time to write one or two more drabbles until next friday comes#either way this is today's offer. please wish me luck on rewriting because i'll need it#narratives and similar#as always i'll update ao3 when i can stay online for longer than five minutes
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having suicidal online friends is actually the worst, because if you don't talk for a while it's like are you busy, are you annoyed at me, or are you actually dead?
#worried that one of my friends is actually dead#and like it's probably not but like. god. what if#problems with mentally ill 4 mentally ill friendships#online friends#internet friends#suicide ment#suicide mention#i just. i don't know. he's probably fine. but what if it's not?#queueing this so by the time it goes up i will either be not worried or way more worried#and queue know what? so was i
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the idea that teachers would make new transfer students stand up and like introduce themselves or whatever is soo fake bc i had a friend who transfered mid semester into my school and specifically one of my classes and not only did the teacher not force her to introduce herself but i didnt even know she transferred at all for like a good couple months of our friendship
#i also didnt know her name bc she kind of just appeared#but i wasnt the most observant in high school mostly bc i didnt care#and i was kind of dragged into a well established friend group so i was just like yeah ok i guess we're friends#i was too embarrassed to ask what her name was#tbh at this point i couldnt tell you if anyone actually told me her name like explicitly#her name was mentioned many times in front of me of course but like. i need to consciously be aware to remember something#and a name drop in the middle of a group convo is not a time my for my brain to get out of autopilot mode#i mean i also dont remmebe much of high school either#hilariously enough the most i remember abt highschool is incidents ive had with teachers#shout out to my one teacher that gave me a zero in a lab report bc i 'plagiarized' it#cuz no eleventh grader can write that advanced#and i was like ive literally written like that all my life you can literally check my essays for english class#why would i plagiarize this#and then when she was like fine ill believe you for now (bitch??) and gave me a B on it anyways#i hated her#ohhh and my chem teacher#she was so rancid i hated her so much#ooh who else did i hate......MY SPANISH TEACHER#i will never forgive her for giving me a D in spanish. bitch im a native speaker#and then had the audacity to ask me why i wasnt aware of homework and i was like cuz you never post it online AND im not the only one who fo#forgets why arent you bitching at everyone else#i swear i hated someone else who was it........#i had a geudge against the new peincipal and his horrendous graduation plans but it ended up not mattering anyways cuz of covid#drivethru graduation lmao ✌️#michi tag#not to talk abt highschool again LMAO
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Man. Last year was wild (memories and musings under the cut).
One memory from last year that I probably wont be over anytime soon is when I was working a retail popup on the waterfront for the cruise ship guests.
A bit of context: At this point of last year, I was painfully homeless and when I wasn’t spending $2200 a month airbnb-hopping, I was living out of a tent at a campground to save money. My access to showers and potable drinking water was iffy at best (the showers on the campground were $2 for five minutes, and the closest water spout that worked well enough to fill bottles with was the literal bathroom sink. I’m surprised the water didn’t make me sick. The water from there often left a really weird taste/cottony sensation in the back of my throat that took days to get rid of, unless I boiled it first, and that was *if* I had access to a power outlet and an electric kettle. Also one of the airbnbs I stayed at got the water shut off for almost 28 hours because the host wasn’t paying his goddamn bills. But that’s a story I tell elsewhere). I had no reliable access to refrigeration, whether I was at an airbnb or the campground, so everything I bought to eat had to be non-perishable. For a while there, I was skipping breakfast to save enough money to buy myself loaves of bread, peanut butter, protein bars, and ramen packets.
If I wanted a hot meal, the best thing I could get was Tim Horton’s (and when I did, I was mostly using a credit card). Sometimes the only reason I could afford to both eat and have a place to stay was because I had built up Tim’s rewards points.
Thank goodness it was still mostly summer and I wasn’t also freezing cold at night.
And then I had to go to work and there were so many customers at that waterfront popup telling me I should give them discounts because “Well, I’m broke, I spent all of my money on a cruise!”
Oh? Oh??? I’m so sorry, you poor, unfortunate little soul???? Does the poow wittle bwoke babykins need a wittle discount??
First off, friendo, you keep asking me if the price is in ‘american’ because you forgot that you’re in a literal different country right now. Second, you’re complaining to a minimum wage worker about how, ‘everything is so expensive here! Oh my god you have to pay that much in taxes? What do you mean I have to pay taxes on purchases, too’. You have main character syndrome and you have the absolute goddamned gall to think you deserve $300 off a $500 handmade, HAND EMBROIDERED woollen cape that you probably won’t even wear because you live in texas????
OH, YOU “““CAN’T AFFORD””” TO BUY THAT 30 DOLLAR SCARF BECAUSE YOU *CHECKS NOTES* HAD ENOUGH MONEY TO GO ON A LITERAL INTERNATIONAL FUCKING CRUISE, BETSY-ANN??
CRY ME A FUCKING RIVER.
But the one that gets me the worst was when a guy was there with his daughter. She was probably 12 or 13. And she wanted to buy a little Canadian flag to commemorate her visit. It was literally priced at. Two. Dollars. Ninety five. Cents.
And he said to her, “Oh, come on. What good is buying this going to do? Who is it supporting.”
I was so done by that point I literally raised my hand and yelled.
“ME IT WILL SUPPORT ME IT WILL HELP ME DO FUN LITTLE THINGS LIKE BUY GROCERIES. AND EAT.”
The daughter bought the flag.
I spent so much of last year worrying about where I was going to live. Worrying about how precarious my situation was. My mother was on the phone with me almost begging me to “come home”. To give up on my dreams because it was too hard. Several people suggested that, including my academic advisor. But I wasn’t going to let it go. I let spite get me here and goddamned if I wasn’t going to let spite keep me hanging on.
And now I’m living in a place that has mostly everything I need. I don’t have to crawl under a desk to get to my bed. I don’t have to ask for permission or worry about who it will affect when I want to do something nice for myself. I’m able to make my own decisions about my living space. I get to set my own schedule. I get to do things at my own pace. I get to eat what I want to eat (and my landlady keeps feeding me, too). Now that I’m not hemorrhaging funds, I’ve been able to save up some money. I’m regularly showering and brushing my teeth. I finally have the energy make my goddamned bed every day. I’m taking care of myself in ways that seemed insurmountable last year.
I’m not saying it’s perfect, and there are still things I have to address (like the weird numb spots on the tips of both my big toes that I noticed when I was still living at the campground; like staying on a consistent schedule with my medications; like taking too many hours at work because I’m worried about affording things). And I’m aware that I completely lucked out that I speak enough Russian to be able to understand my landlord/lady. But this is so much better than I could have hoped for.
And the rest of it wasn’t all bad either. Airbnb-hopping was expensive, but staying in different areas helped me learn the city. And now I’m working at a place that I don’t hate with a passion like I did when I was working food service in the states. I actually really like my coworkers (and funny enough, the small business I work for really does feel like a family). I get to wear my kilts to work. I have the necessary knowledge to be a perfect fit for the job, and I was apparently ‘an answer to a prayer’.
The misty mornings on the campground were more magical than any other mornings I’ve ever experienced in my life. I walked around the campground and saw its little lake beach and river. I made friends with the spiders. I named most of them. Every time I heard the squirrels and chipmunks get into an argument I would giggle to myself and think ‘the girls are fightinng!’ I drove to the beach, and I saw a little boy hold up a crab he’d found with the biggest smile on his face when he asked if I wanted to pet it. I felt an almost uncontrollable urge to pick up the seaweed and eat it. I met interesting people. I made some friends. I went to a famous lighthouse. I rode the ferry to work and watched massive cruise ships docking, feeling as much awe as I did when I first saw Star Trek: The Motion Picture. I watched the sun both rise and set over the harbour. And I fell in love with this place despite all of the challenges that were in my path.
Perfect or not, I needed this. I needed to be self-sufficient and live my own life. I needed to see beauty and wonder and touch sand that was on a beach instead of on my bedroom floor. And I’m so sad that the only two times in my life I’ve really been able to do things like this and live the life I want were when I left the US. And because of that, I’m really not planning on going back to live there.
Funny that I had to leave the “land of the free” to really feel/be free, eh? Whatever the case, now I’m a maritimer by choice.
Here’s to 2024. May I learn from all that 2023 taught me (If shit sucks, hit da bricks. Leave. Do it scared. Do it alone and scared. Don’t settle for less than you deserve. Find beauty in the mundane. Advocate for yourself and your skills. Make decisions that will provide for your future so that you can take the steps you want to take, even if people think something like learning Russian isn’t going to be useful. Take those steps you want to take to follow your dreams, even if your dream seems flimsy like a cardboard façade to you. Even if those are the hardest steps you ever have to take. Today can be ‘someday’, if you let it. The greatest adventure is what lies ahead, today and tomorrow are yet to be said). May 2024 be a year for more steps forward than steps back.
#musings on the new year#ridiculous memories#ahh life#it’s also worth mentioning that I somehow held down three jobs and passed an online class with an A+ as all of this was going on#thank god for Tim Horton’s wifi#also I hate to think what would have happened wothout the income from all three of those jobs. i probably would have eaten less…#we’ll leave it at that#oh. I lived through two tropical storms too huh. yep. that happened.#not enough to scare me away#even though I was in a tiny camper for one of those storms#and when literally all of my possessions were in my car I couldn’t see out of the back window so I had to drive a mini cooper like it was#like it was a box truck LOLOL#2023 was wild. like. it wasn’t my worst year because I hit rock bottom a long-ass time ago#but it certainly wasn’t my best year either#my year was so fucking ridiculous it’s comical#welp. nowhere to go but up from where I was this summer!#Also I would like to personally thank Evgeni Malkin and Sidney Crosby for preventing me from going literally batshit insane
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Yo fr fr those things are exactly why I stay away from twt fandom, twt is already the trash bin of humanity but it also applies to fandoms imo 💀 Also went back on Insta recently and tbh sometimes it's not much better... like... I'm so sorry those people count as fans
like. okay. im sure they mean well, you know? im sure this is either very well intentioned, or a lt worst, it’s a bad attempt at a clout chase. and as someone vernon biased of course i want to see him getting good opportunities and being recognised for more things. but when every single argument in your big mistreatment thread can be disputed by ‘hey, maybe he didn’t/doesn’t want to’ or ‘he was fucking busy?’ ………
there are leaves on trees out there, man. grass on the ground. birds, and shit. getting outside is good for the soul n maybe some people need to give it a try
#💌 - mailbox.#💝 - nonnie.#this isn’t very sunshine rainbow cupcake core of me I know. im sorry#would I have loved to see a black eye music show stage? of course I would’ve. are u kidding. but it didn’t happen for whatever reason#maybe he didn’t want to / maybe he couldn’t / they were touring and busy and it dropped over the holidays but it was also awards season /#maybe the song wasn’t deemed to be appropriate for that / we just. don’t. know!#(but this is from me who likes to imagine he went into a meeting and said ‘i’m only doing a band live ver if you let me say fuck uncensored#so maybe im not the person to talk to about this matter specifically 💀#don’t get me started on ig fanpages either there was one I had to unfollow because all they ever posted was about how woozi would cry if he#saw all the height jokes online. as if the one time he mentioned it he wasn’t responding to someone asking if he got taller by saying#don’t joke about that#like. no fr tell me do you think he’s actually weeping himself to sleep at night over being 5’5.#im sure he can wipe his tears with all his awards babe. I think he’s okay. his height is not some great secret#he isn’t t*m cr*ise standing in boxes to not look tiny in frame. he is aware. we are aware. it does Not matter to anyone how tall he is 😭#I went on a tangent SORRY. anyway im done now. jesus wept😭#it’s rough out here
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man whenever i express wanting to wait until christmas or my birthday to get something because i dont want to spend my own money for fear that ill get reprimanded my parents will be like "youre allowed to spend money!! youre not a burden for spending your money that you have that isnt our money in any way!!!" so then i go and spend my own money and they reprimand me and yell at me for spending my money
????????????? absolutely baffling.
#and its always on like either clothes for myself or small things like lunch or a plushie#even when i dont spend any of my money for months theyll still scold me whenever i mention wanting to spend my own money#i have money in cash that they dont know about but only $30#and most of my shopping is done online so its worthless in that aspect#whatever no one even cares#i should just shut up and pretend im not being treated like this and worse every day#and so i will#ERROR 501
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#sometimes i think about how my first ever online community experience was playing online survival/vanilla minecraft#n i think of how happy it made me to be a part of a greater community y'know? nothing huge but#it all felt so big 2 me and i felt so immersed at the time and so sometimes when i get reminded of that time and all the people i met#i crave smth like that again#but everythings different now! with the way servers work. n all the public servers are either dead or have 345987 plugins sdfkjgh#not 2 mention way too big. or they alr have established communities#n like! i dunno it's a struggle bc it's like okay where am i gonna find a server that's like. 18+. queer friendly + devoid of bigots#active. not super huge. and New#bc like 2 me there's no point in joining a server if everythings alr been done y'know#i've had people give me full netherite as soon as i joined and i was like thanks but! now what. KDSFJHDSF#i want 2 go on a journey w other people and do silly things and play pranks on friends and help people w their projects#i want 2 plan big things and explore places and make friends and build a community y'know#people from all over n all at dif points in their lives n all so unique coming together for this one thing#i just dunno where to look anymore#i miss it though#i love this game a lot but the one thing i love the most about it i haven't had in such a long time#sap says#maybe someday
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