#no one can judge anyone here if they dont acknowledge their own mistakes

[thelandswemadeofpaper]

*Valar and other elves condemning the Feanorians for committing genocide of innocents*

Numenor @ Valar:

Petty Dwarves @ Finrod and Thingol

Hi, Pot, I'm Kettle. Go fuck yourself.

[hella1975]

I just applied for a breakfast waitress position in a hotel do you have any tips if they accept me oh great hella

omg im so excited for this ask yes i DO have tips anonstie i have so much to tell you hi im hella ive been doing different waitressing jobs since i was sixteen here's what i know:

your first 3 weeks/month are the golden time. im being so serious when i say ask ANY question you have. you will have stupid questions. you will panic about which way a tap gets turned or where a plate goes. you will feel like a tit. ask anyway. in this time NOTHING you do can get too harshly judged bc you're the 'new person' and it stays that way for a good 3 weeks SO ASK AWAY. a month is pushing it but honestly rather ask in the first month than fudge it yourself and make a mess

dont try and carry three plates straight away. just.... dont

you will drop things. you WILL break things. i promise you they're not going to fire you

you will have some of the most outragously awkward encounters with customers. this is probably their fault (they told a bad joke, they dont look at you when they talk, they're generally an asshole) BUT sometimes it'll be your fault. the other day my mate was serving this old bloke and he said he was just waiting for his wife because she was 'out partying', to which my mate laughed thinking he was telling a joke. it was only when she walked away that she realised he said 'parking' and she laughed really hard at it for seemingly no reason and she literally had to go to the office and put her head in her hands. she's been waitressing there for two years

speaking of other staff. god. omg. okay. yes, all chefs are that much of an asshole it's not just yours. no, age-gaps are not frowned upon in the catering industry. yes, everyone is shagging each other all of the time. good luck

dont slag any of the other staff off until the first month is over. even if that staff member is the designated victim of everyone's abuse, just dont join in yet. the last thing you want is to join in on harmless bitching bc you think it'll appeal you to the staff just to find out you've gotten involved in some deep-seated years-long politics. also it's just respectful. you're new at the end of the day and you dont really earn a right to an opinion on anyone until youve been there a while lol

bring food to work with you. worst case scenario it sits in your bag untouched bc you dont get hungry. best case scenario you're on your feet for a 10 hour shift with no progress on your staff meal and suddenly that tesco egg and cress sandwich you packed looks a lot like god

also drink water!!!!!! literally no one acknowledges how fucking hard waitressing is but you are ON YOUR FEET FOR HOURS moving the entire length of the restaurant usually carrying shit AND dealing with the social drain of constant interaction. you need to take care of yourself

dont write down verbatim what the customer ordered unless you can write very very quickly. you'll get used to your own shorthand bc FUCK KNOWS customers cant seem to recognise what it looks like when someone is clearly still writing and they tend to just KEEP FUCKING TALKING

that's another thing. never underestimate how stupid and/or rude people can be. you're going to experience levels of ridiculous unbenownest to you until now. you are going to hear shit come out of people's mouths that you thought humanity had evolved past centuries ago. get that poker face down

it's okay if it gets to you. there's going to be shit days where every customer you speak to tears a strip off you and it's fucking DRAINING. im lucky bc i genuinely dont view customers as other human beings so literally nothing they say to me even resonates, but other people get upset and need to cry. that's okay. everyone has terrible days. it's a natural reaction to people being rude to you so just remember it's a VERY impersonal industry. you'll make mistakes that you're convinced will make people (either customers or other staff) hate you but honestly? it'll be forgotten about the next day

know from the start what shifts you're willing to do AND MAKE YOUR MANAGER AWARE OF IT. are you part-time? if so, specify how many days MAXIMUM you're willing to work a week. can you work sundays? say so if you can't. if you say all of this stuff repeatedly from the beginning then when the day inevitably comes that you've been put on rota five days in a row or they've stuck you on a sunday regardless of buses, you can shrug your shoulders without any guilt and turn it down

clean up after yourself. dont see yourself as above any jobs. polish the cutlery when it needs doing (this is your friend). clean up the coffee counter. your employer - especially when your new - wants to see INITIATIVE, not just an ability to follows instructions. when there's nothing to do and you've done what you were told, FIND SOMETHING TO DO. if you cant think of anything (though dw the longer you're there the more familiar you'll become with the little jobs), then ask another waitress or your manager if you can help with anything. it makes you look eager and on the ball

there's a hierarchy in the catering industry and it can get nasty. for example, barback and kitchen porter are seen as really unprestigious roles and as a result a lot of the staff are really horrible to them. dont fucking do that. waitresses have a really awful reputation for this kind of bitchiness and it's not nice. your job isnt superior. dont just dump your plates with the kp when there's food still on them. talk to the barback instead of just handing them your empty glasses without even acknowleding them. youd think this was all a given but it really really isnt

try get in with the chefs. typically their egos are really fragile but that can work in your favour. even if you just get on well with ONE chef, the kitchen staff are usually quite loyal to each other so that'll get you in with the rest of them. it just makes your day easier bc you can relax with them more, so checking your orders and getting yourself food isnt a faff

learn the menu as quick as possible. a good place will give you some sort of food-orientated role at first for exactly this reason (e.g one of my first ever shifts i did 10 hours JUST on the food passe. i wanted to die but in a single shift i knew that menu like the back of my hand and it makes life soooo much easier). still, you'll trip up a lot at first when customers ask the dreaded 'do the fishcakes come with _____' and you dont know the answer. smiling sweetly and going 'oh im not sure actually, i'll just go ask someone for you :)' is your best friend. to this day i still say this (though that's for drinks bc im HOPELESS at remembering what we have on tap)

have fun! it sounds dumb but if you like where you're working then waitressing can honestly be such a laugh. it's a job that has a real solidarity aspect to it and it bonds people. dont deep anything and just enjoy yourself <3

[almost-correct-bnha-quotes]

hai, so this bish cut her own hair, the layers look good tbh bUT the fringe is too short (fml) so i thought if you dont mind, if you're free, maybe hcs of izuku/todoroki/kirishima on that? please? (i already cried three times because my family bullied me about the fringe and i feel like jim carrey from dumb and dumber tho its actlly not that short)

Hi! I'd love to do this! I'm really sorry your family is so mean to you. Try not to let it get to your heart. I hope this helps you feel better!

Izuku

-He knew you wanted to try a new, shorter haircut for a while.

-To be honest, he was really supportive. If you really wanted to try a new haircut, you should go for it.

-When you shared your worries that it might not turn out well, he was quick to reassure you.

-"Hey, there's nothing that can go bad. If you don't like how it turns out, it's fine. Your hair will grow back in a few months," he told you.

-So one particular Saturday, in the U.A. dorms, you went for it. While the layers were fine, you didn't like how short that the fringe turned out.

-You were low-key stressing out since you had to go to school in two days. Hair was going to grow back in a few months, not a few hours.

-So you did the most logical thing- you called Izuku and asked him to come to your bedroom urgently.

-Within two minutes, you heard knocking on hour door, along with Izuku's worried voice asking you to let him in.

-You didn't specify what the emergency was, so Izuku and his anxious brain only assumed for the worst. What if you accidentally cut off your leg, or broke an arm, or got stuck under the wardrobe that fell on you...

-You opened your door just enough for a person to fit through it and pulled Izuku rapidly inside of your bedroom. As soon as he was inside, you slammed the door shut.

-"Eh, Y/N... What-"

- That's when he noticed your hair.

- You puffed your cheeks as you looked through your wardrobe. You eventually picked out two caps that you really loved.

- "Which one should I wear to school?" You asked.

- "Wel- I- You- Um- You- You don't have to wear one, though. I know that your hair didn't turn out the way you wanted, but it doesn't mean it's ugly. Quite the opposite. You look really nice with it. It would be a shame if others wouldn't get to see it."

-Saying that both of you turned as red as a tomato was an underestimation.

-Regardless, he did make you feel better and, as it turns out, your new hairstyle truly wasn't so bad. Many appreciated it and you actually started a trend amongst girls to cut their hair similar to you in order to be "fashionable".

Todoroki

-You never considered yourself close to Todoroki, but you acknowledged the fact that you did have a particularly strong bond with him.

-It wasn't romantic- it was more like a sibling relationship. You would tease and annoy each other a lot, but when one was in need, the other would always have their back.

-That's why he was the first person you called for comfort one evening. You cut your hair earlier that afternoon and a few students made some really rough comments on it.

-It wasn't that you weren't confident or happy with yourself, but words still hurt and the comments you recieved truly upset you.

-As you sat on your bed in your dorm, trying to cope with your suffering, you heard a knock on your door.

-You honestly hoped it was Todoroki. You called him a solid fifteen minutes ago and he had yet to fulfill your wish to come and be by your side for a while. You didn't dare to go out and look for him. Not with that hairstyle you had.

- "Hey Y/N... I'm here." The person behind the door said. Their voice was so familiar you wouldn't be able to mistake it for anyone else's- Todoroki was there.

-You mumbled something about how he could come in, but for obvious reasons, he couldn't understand what you said.

- "Hey, dickhead, I can't hear you. Open up. I brought you something."

-Your head shot up in curiosity. You wiped off a few tears off your face and made your way to the door.

-You opened it and found yourself standing in front of Todorki, who had a small bag by his side.

- "Surprise. Sorry it took me so long, I had to make a stop by the store nearby."

- You invited him in and soon found yourself laying on the bed, your head on his lap, crying your eyes out. His hand ran through your hair in an attempt to comfort and relax you.

-Honestly, it did.

- "Don't stress so much about it. You had a mild error in the process. It'll get fixed soon." He said.

- "Yeah, but until then..." You said between sobs.

- "You'll live your life like always. Try to enjoy the small things. Buy your favourite candy, sweet or desert. Try some make-up. Buy that t-shirt you've wanted for a while. Do whatever. It'll get better before you know."

- "How can you know so much?"

- "Experience," Todoroki shrugged, "Had to accept I can't change some things and how to live with that."

- "Like what?"

-"Shitty father... Half a quirk I don't want... and ugly hair."

- You frowned lightly as a snort escaped you.

- "You don't like your hair?" You asked.

- "Well, everyone seems to have a very good opinion of my hair... except for me. Can't say it's my favourite part of me."

- "Why do you hate it? It's unique."

- "My father has an unique style of parenting, but it's not good, is it?"

- You pursed your lips at the thought of his father. You generally weren't the one to fully dislike someone or to say that you hated someone, but Endeavor was one of the exceptions. Outside his work as a hero, Endeavor was a horrible person, in your opinion. He failed spectacularly as a husband and even more as a father.

- “Your hair is not a toxic father.”

- “And neither is yours. Your hair isn’t that big of a fail. A little unsuccessful, yes, but terrible? No. You’re beautiful.’

Kirishima

-Kirishima couldn’t say your hairwas the most successful hairstyle out there, but he knew the struggles of hair insecurity, so he couldn’t help but feel empathy towards you.

-As it turned out, you two were living only two streets apart, so you had most of the way home together. You became buddies in no time and you’d chat all the way home with all kinds of topics that interested you. One particular afternoon, you opened up to him about your new hairstyle.

- “It’s okay, Y/N!” He exclaimed, “Your hair will grow back in no time and you’ll be able to redo your haistyle!”

-You smiled faintly. “Thanks. It’s gonna be quite a road until then. My family’s kinda rude to me about it as well.”

-Kirishima let out an empathetic laugh. “I had that as well when I changed my hairstyle. My mom was kinda supportive, but everyone else... nah. The thing is, don’t let other people’s opinions bring you down. You’ll get judged no matter what you do, so you should best just do what you really want to do and be yourself.”

-That was some solid advice. When you thought about it, it truly didn’t matter what people thought. Even if something you did turned bad, you had to try again and again until it succeded. Otherwise, you would remain with the sour feeling of misery that would do nothing but bad to you.

[keezree]

Thank you for being such an inspiration for me, I wish I had just a shred of your confidence...

Oh my gosh!! I have no confidence at all! Im always scared all the time but theres still so many things i want to do and be and become. Im scared but i want to be and do those things more than i am scared if that makes sense.

I argue with my brain all the time and its a biiig big struggle.

If you want, i can tell you the secret! To appearing confident at least >w>;;

If you're scared of something, or doing something, hold your fear by the hand and tell it that yeah, its scary but its gonna be okay!

Its very hard, but if you can hold your fear gently and keep going, it makes it a little easier.

Also! Trust!! Trust is a big thing. Trust that your friends and family will love you no matter what you do and trust in yourself and your choices.

It took a loooong long time to get here and I've been through a lot of awful scary things that made me here and how i am.

You have to be brave for yourself. Just be how you are, let yourself just be yourself and the world will mold itself to fit you in it.

Dont make yourself small! Dont be afraid to take up space! Allow yourself to have the same kindness that you give others because you absolutely deserve it!!

Lilla you are wonderful and I find YOU inspiring! I think a lot of people feel this way, and look up to others but you never see the inside of a person, only what they put in the world.

Thats why its so important to be kind and understanding.

Lilla youve always been so kind and wonderful and i see you as inspiring and amazing.

My husband is always telling me all the amazing things he sees me do but for myself, i only see my failures and mistakes. Because i am always in my body and always with me so i see all the bad parts or clumsy parts while others only see what i allow them to.

You are trying your best and even if its not what you want or where you want to be, i promise, promise, promise you Lilla that you'll get to a place where you're happy with yourself.

It might not be confidence you find, fame or bravery, but you will one day be enough for yourself. One day, it will happen, and it will surprise you because you won't even realized it happened, but one day you will be someone who you are unashamed of being and happy with how you are.

For now forget confidence cause that's just a leftover of whats really important.

You gotta love the heck out of yourself SOOOO much, and its hard!! Its so hard because we all gotta spend time with ourselves forever and no one else sees us drop plates of have smelly poops.

We're all just being human and judge ourselves waay too hard for it.

All anybody ever really wants is to be acknowledged and accepted but all we ever seem to do is beat ourselves up.

But you gotta just take all of you, even the smelly and awkward parts and say "This is ALLL me and i love me and im just gonna keep on being me!"

I suppose thats what confidence is. Just hecking LOVING yourself. You dont always gotta like yourself. Cause i know i sure as heck get fed up with my silly brain.

But you gotta love yourself and be gentle and kind. Its hard but its so worth it. You deserve to be treated that way ESPECIALLY by your own self.

Okay im gowna stop talking now or else ill go on forever.

I love you! And i believe in you no matter what okay? I think you are fantastic! And wonderful and a very nice and kind person. And thats the best thing anyone can be is kind.

Okay bye i love you

[chimswae]

Chapter 3

Untold: Tale of a Luminary

Foreword:

Some stories are better left unsaid.I couldn’t change anything for the world, although the fame part of this industry is tough to handle.Do i have a life? Yes I have my fans.Do i have friends? Yes the members that I cherish. Do i have love? No I have to let go.Life always offers you a second chance. It’s called tomorrow. But do i have any tomorrow?

Pairing: Jimin x OC (Other characters: BTS, OCs, Lee Taehwan)

Genre: Idolau, Fluff, Romance

Word Count: 2,650

Author Note: I crosspost this story from my Asianfanfic account. Mind you, clicheness OVERLOADS

Disclaimer: I dont own any of the gif used at the end of chapters. Neither do i own any of the characters, this fic is not related to any of the characters in real life.

1 | 2 | 3

Chapter 3: One day or day one, you decide 

“Give Minyeol back”

“No”

“Jiminie….”

“Just no and no, sit down comfortably Tae tae. He doesn’t want you”

“Park Jimin..” Taehyung stomped a little with a slight pout tailing Jimin who appeared to whisper something in little Minyeol’s ears.

Yeoul blinked in confusion but she managed to raise her hand as if she was asking permission from a teacher “Mmmm..That is my son that you are fighting for” she joked earning light chuckles from the members.

“Noona..These hyungs can be childish I apologize” Jungkook flashed his handsome smile while giving a light caress on Yeoul’s head. A faint blush spread on her cheeks and she quickly lowered her face to ensure no one see her crimson red cheeks.

Jin rolled his eyes “ Seriously Kookie, you are not allowed to flirt someone’s wife” he shook his head. Jungkook flustered acknowledging his mistake however Yeoul was quick to mouth “it is okay” before he apologized and feeling bad over that.

Yeoul decided to move the albums from Jungkook’s hand to the next person, she felt bad for holding up the line even though there were only two fans left behind her. After she had a light chatter with Jin mostly about Minyeol he moved to Taehyung and Jimin who were still fighting over Minyeol.

‘At least, Minyeol knows how is it like to be closed to his own father’ Yeoul smiled inwardly. She almost forgotten the guy in front of her was the man that he used to love until Jimin froze in his spot not moving any inch while they exchanged look.

‘Na Yeoul…’ deep down inside he really wanted to pull the girl into a tight hug. He was missing her so badly and he never stopped thinking about her. Taehyung took the cue to take Minyeol off from Jimin’s lap and played with the kid by himself.

Averting her gaze, Yeoul cleared her throat as she awkwardly rubbed her back neck “How have you been” his voice was low. He didn’t want to drive any unnecessary attentions and worst questions from fans, no matter how curious he was.

“I am fine..Thank you. You look good… mmm Minnie” Yeoul felt like burying herself deep in the ocean for sounding too friendly. Jimin bit his lower lips holding back his smile upon hearing the nickname that she used to call him back then.

Jimin smiled “So..are you married?” he wished she said no though it was her right to actually get someone better in life after their failed relationship. But judging from Minyeol’s age, wouldn’t he be too old to be one if she just got married few years ago. Questions after questions left unanswered, he refrained himself from asking one. There were eyes and ears everywhere, he couldn’t risk it.

It took her few seconds to find a perfect answer and she finally broke the silence “I..guess so..” Jimin raised his eyebrows with a baffle look. It was not the answer that he expected from Yeoul. He wondered what actually happened to her.

“Mommy..This weird hyung is actually nice but I like pinkie hyung better” Minyeol grinned. He slid down from Taehyung’s lap and went to give Jimin a bear hug. Everyone awed in amusement seeing how overly attached the boy was with Jimin.

“Why is everyone leaving me” Taehyung let out a fake sob while giving his full attention on the girl in front of him venting his so called frustration after being rejected by a five years old kid.

“He is your biggest fan Jimin” Yeoul nodded with a genuine smile. She cursed in her head not to cry or even showing a sign that she was about to cry, it would be so screwed up if anyone noticed that. Her posture remained cool though her heart was making so much noise inside, as if it was about to explode.

Jimin chuckled softly “Oh, so Minyeollie is hyung’s biggest fan? That makes hyung happy” he lifted Minyeol to sit on his lap again.

The younger boy gladly gave him a soft kiss on the cheeks “Mommy said she will reward me if I win the game that we play” he exclaimed.

“And what kind of game is that?” Jimin stroked his hair. Just before Minyeol about to answer him, they heard voices from the crowd.

“Park Jimin…Minyeol is the mini you”

“Oh my god you are right, they resemble each other”

“Jimin oppa… You and Minyeol look cute together”

Fans were expressing their excitement and showering compliments to Jimin and Minyeol which was not wrong. Firstly, yes both of them resembled each other. Secondly, Jimin could make a good father. Thirdly, Yeoul didn’t expect fans to spot the similarity between them. Bangtan fans were really sharp, there was no doubt.

As much as Jimin wanted to keep Minyeol closed to him, he had to let him go at some point. Therefore, he decided to snap a selca with Minyeol to store it in his memory and who knew he would be able to meet Minyeol and Yeoul in Busan during his visit in the near future.

“Yeolie come here, we have to go” Yeoul reached out her hand motioning Minyeol to move away from Jimin. Jimin stood up and helped to transfer Minyeol to her arms, she mouthed him a thank you. A simple thank you got him worked up for no reason because the lingering feeling for Yeoul still existed. He wouldn’t deny that.

Jimin was not a guy who dated recklessly and as result he really dated a few number of girls before they debuted. The only girl that he loved so dearly was, Na Yeoul not until they had to crash that dream of being together to chase his dreams.

“When can I meet pinkie hyung again?” he questioned with a pout. Yeoul placed him on ground allowing him to bid last farewell, only god knows when he would be able to meet Jimin again.

Jimin leaned over the table, giving his small hand a light squish “Do attend our concert, hyung will let you see sit in front” he planted a soft kiss on his head with a wink.

Minyeol beamed “Yay, I will bring mommy to meet hyunggie again” Yeoul nodded and smiled meekly. She didn’t like the fact that she had to lie again and again, just how long they had to live this way.

“Be a good boy Minyeol-ah..” Jimin had this strange feeling which drifted him closer to Minyeol. He felt upset to let him go but why would he feel that way when they were not connected at all. Minyeol nodded frantically “See you in television screen da-Hyunggie” he giggled at his own mistake. He almost lost the game.

“Oh yes before I forgot, the album” she placed the album in front of Jimin, as he stole a glance at their close proximity. Yeoul was standing and bent down to his level with Minyeol in front of her, he felt a sudden rush in his body.

He did his signature anyway without shaking as he carefully slipped a small note inside the album without anyone notice, Jimin hoped she would actually read it.

“Say thank you again Yeollie” the boy followed and bowed politely before moving to the last person who had been bored to death alone at the corner. She took the cue to say her last word before this hazy dreams ended “Thank you Jimin. Don’t skip your meal and good luck” he passed the album to Yeoul and purposely grasped her hand softly; she was taken aback at the sudden contact.

‘Remain calm Na Yeoul.. Don’t stutter or blush or just stay still’ her breath hitched when he leaned a little closer to her, just near her ears. She heard him whisper awfully low but she managed to grasped what he tried to utter “I miss you Na Yeoul..” he slowly let go and leaned back in his seat as if nothing happened.

Yeoul froze in her spot ‘Darn it Park Jimin. You still don’t change’ her lips were pressed into a thin line, careful not to crack a fool smile. Jimin gave her a small wave with a wink and that startled her even more.

‘She is so jumpy. How adorable’ Jimin was delighted to see familiar faces again though for a short period of time. He was still grateful to see Yeoul after years.

Yeoul and Minyeol got off from the stage for real after Minyeol had a light chatter with Min Yoongi, he seemed unapproachable at first but he was surprisingly cute and soft with kids. She had fun watching Yoongi teasing Minyeol and he gave him a pink lollipop before they left the stage.

“So was it fun?” she hold onto his hand tight and he replied with an excited nod.

He whispered “I got to meet daddy. He is really handsome” for a kid at his age, Minyeol could be acting abnormally as compared to his age. That was his utmost charms, witty Minyeol.

“I know right he is” she gave Bangtan one final glance with a soft sigh. She saw Jungkook and Hoseok waving at her way followed by others members, and Yeoul gave them a slight bow with a grateful smile.

‘It was nice seeing you again Park Jimin. I am praying for your success’ she noticed Jimin was staring at her with a deep and meaningful look. How she wished she could read mind, he was penetrating to her deepest soul. It was breathtaking yet the more she stayed, she wouldn’t have any control over her bipolar emotions.

‘You will never know how much I miss you. When will I see you again Yeoul-ah.’ Jimin sighed in his head as he watched her figure disappeared between the crowds. Missing someone got easier everyday because even though he was one day further from the last time the last time he saw her, Jimin believed that he was one day closer the next time meeting her again.

---------------❤

“Tell me the truth”

“What in the world, I was about to sleep”

“No just tell me honestly. I saw it all”

“Hyung.. go away don’t bother me. I’m sleepy” he rubbed his eyes with a deep yawn.

“Park Jimin I am talking” Yoongi frowned as he demanded answers from him. He knew what he saw so Yoongi was confident that Jimin actually knew Yeoul, and it wasn’t his first time meeting her.

“The girl from our fansign earlier, do you happen to know her?” Jimin groaned in frustration. He didn’t know this hyung of his would ask so many questions tonight. He wasn’t the type that would poke nose into other people’s affairs.

Jimin moved his hand off his face “Which one? There were bunch of girls we saw earlier just how on earth I remember everyone” he raked fingers in his hair.

“ There is this girl a special kind one, she came with her son. I reckon you can’t remember her, you were ogling her and sticking with her son like you are the daddy” Yoongi rolled his eyes. Jimin’s eyes now wide upon and Yoongi took that as the answer to his questions.

“So you do know her. Who is she? Schoolmate? Cousins? Or your ex girlfriend?” he bombarded him with questions.

“She is just someone that I know from my past” Jimin muttered softly.

“That won’t answer my question. I saw the way you looked at her those eyes didn’t reflect she-is-just-someone-from-my-past. There is something more. Is she that ex-girlfriend that you told us before?” Yoongi really knew how to pry answers.

With a heavy sigh he nodded without uttering anything for few minutes. Yoongi too was shocked to find out his prediction was real. That gave him a major goosebumps. All of them used to exchange stories from their past, and that made them even closer than just a friend. They were brothers.

Yoongi coughed to ease the tension in the room “So..how’s it to see her again?” he mumbled.

“Weird. I miss her though..” Jimin did not know how to begin since his emotions was a total mess. He didn’t expect to see Yeoul today.

“She is pretty” Yoongi smirked and continued “Too beautiful for you” he joked again.

“Yah, I am offended….But..Yes..She is getting prettier” Jimin placed a hand over his thumping chest. Yoongi could see a fool smile plastered on his face, he really sucked in hiding his feelings.

“But she is married right since she has a son” Jimin smiled died down as it replaced with a frown and soft sigh. He had been thinking about that ever since they parted ways earlier. That was the question that lingered in his mind, was she married?

“I am not sure. Her answer was ambiguous. Neither did she admit nor she denied” he mumbled.

“Minyeol her son, he resembles you a lot. Are you sure he is not your secret son? Did you sleep with her? ” Yoongi teased the younger boy earning a smack on his thigh. However, when Jimin thought about again it was pretty obvious that Minyeol looked almost exactly like him except he had Yeoul’s eyes.

It couldn’t be his son right but if that was his, she would have told him instead of keeping it as a secret for years. It didn’t make sense. Jimin had no idea why he let Yoongi’s words got through the deepest core in his brain, now he was thinking hard.

“ Are you ransacking my sex life now hyung?” he snorted.

Yoongi chortled “Just wandering, if you ever slept with her. So that might answer my curiosity why Minyeol looked so much like you duh” he shook his head.

Jimin seemed to take the bait “Now I remember.. we did urmm sleep together?” he scratched his not so itchy head.

Yoongi gasped in horror as if it was the greatest sin ever committed by Jimin “I did not expect you to admit to that! You are no longer virgin Jimin?” Jimin clasped his hand over his mouth asking him to tone down his voice or he would wake others up.

“We were teenagers with raging hormones, of course we experiment things. Stop judging me like you never sleep with your ex girlfriends” he disagreed with Yoongi outrageous reactions.

“Yah of course not, I’m civilised unlike you. Oh mochi Jimin, so you are not so mochi and innocent then. That is new” a proud smug could be seen on his face. He really knew how to make things sounded so unfitting in this conversation, and again who could stop Min Suga.

“We used protections though, and being really careful. I don’t think I ever get her pregnant” his inner thought doubted his own statement.

Why was he feeling this way? This was absurd.

“That doesn’t guarantee anything Chims. Condoms are just a better and high class version of balloons” Jimin cringed at the possible resemblance and shot the older boy a glare.

“If you are going to continue this condom talk just get out hyung, I need sleep. And so are you, just sleep already will you?” he shoved a pillow on Yoongi face as he glowered in protest. Yoongi gave up digging more in depth of Jimin’s past . He sulkily exited the room to hit the sack.

For an odd reason, Jimin couldn’t sleep after what Yoongi told him. The possibility of Minyeol as his son, was it really there? His stomach churned in fear if turned out it was the truth, which could be so screwed up. Why couldn’t he forget Yeoul for one second, he was so sick indeed.

There were so many questions that he wanted to ask to Yeoul. If and only he could fly back to Busan right away and looked for her. It would solve all the misery and mystery.

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This work belongs to  Chimswae © 2018. All Rights Reserved.

[selfinity777]

Daily Reading 1.20.2022

My Daily Tarot reading was interesting but factual. I hate to admit when I seen my cards at first i was like no way this is right. Let me explain..... I found a daily tarot spread online to help better guide me because i am still learning, So! The First question was, What is the overall energy of the day? Card Pulled The Queen of Wands. Ok i can except that She motivates you to bring out the best you. Encourages to believe in self and spread your gift to the world. The Second Question. What can i look forward to? Card Pulled the 10 of Swords!!!! Now just looking at the card is intimidating and depressing as you see a body lying face down on the ground with a bunch of swords in his back, 10 of them if you haven't guessed. Next question what should i avoid? Card.... 7 of wands. Now this makes sense because ...... I am going through a separation with my Lover which wouldn't be the first and before pulling my cards today I didn't think it was the last. Even though every time I walk out I shout "this is the last fucking time!!!" Lets go back to question number 2 and how this dreadful appearing card makes sense in my situation and why I can see the reason for it now. 10 of wands brings change and starting new..... oooh right? It may come in the form of a break up ( me) loss of a job or friend ship , family problems etc. but its all for the betterment of you! The universe trying to push you forward and sometimes that comes with emotional damage lol. That damage is a lesson needing to be learned, evaluated and understood so that you don't make the same mistake twice. God knows I've been fighting that same lesson for 34 years and I can see the nowhere in all those years. 10 of swords encourages you to hold your ground, put your foot down, set boundaries or simply move on. following the 7 of wands What to avoid? Confrontation, Fighting for what you believe, Standing up for yourself because things are going to get thrown at you. GREAT! At least I can start preparing and not get another case ...lol. I am a very patient person i understand people make mistakes. Depending on that mistake we can all move on from simple acknowledgement and Change. unless your a habitual liar or womanizer, classic case of narcissism, murder you know the extremes and unchangeable. BUUUUUUUUUUUUT I am so understanding that if you can admit that you are those things I give 100% respect to you. (Because all of those talented people have mastered the art of believing ones own lie so that you shall as well) If you are honored enough to get their admittance shoot you better give respect and then run, hahaha. the same time i have the freedom of choice and don't have to be around those i choose not to be . don't get me wrong if i see you on the street lying your heart away to another, or checking out another while your significant other is next you i will always respectfully greet you and not treat you like a stranger just because I DONT APPROVE of the way you are living that's your life. I will not judge it. POINT BEING... If ANYONE IS STILL READING 😆 This Morning i woke up with the thought of doing what i always do and make the first move to bring me and this man back together even though i did nothing wrong when it comes down to this situation. WEAKNESS! a weakness i have always despised a weakness that has kept me here for the second time even though i thought i learned the first time, when he was out of my life for 3 years or more. Then allowed back into my life believing a change can be made but when it comes down to domestic Violence NOPE! i met this person when I was 20 I am now 34 years old. So I pray if anything taken from this babble... If you are a woman or Man in a violent, disrespecting, unloving relationship be stronger then me. Also Kindness is not a WEAKNESS those who take advantage of a blessing of your pure whole heartedly true self, They are the WEAKNESS and if allowed in can drain you, greeting you warmly to accompany their misery. I have noticed that writing or in this case typing has been my way of self reflecting because

when i am alone and just simply think i tend to talk to myself and that's not another crazy that needs to be added to my long list of passed judgments on me ( joking kind of ) Anyways everyone talks to themselves no biggie. The problem isn't that i talk to myself while reflecting but i tend not to listen to myself after i have a long discussion with myself and that's just a waste of self time SOOOOOO.... I Journal. Thank you for tunning in xoxoxox

[onisionhurtspeople]

Sorry I just ran into this blog, Lainey said on Twitter they're an ISFJ awhile back. I can see both them being an unhealthy INFP that thinks their Si is stronger than it actually is due to looping and them being an unhealthy ISFJ. They could be in an Si-Ti loop where they dont let new ideas in and believes their experience/conclusions are always correct without looking further than that for information. (1/3)

They’re also very tactful (auxiliary Fe) which makes them seem innocent and wanting group harmony instead of drama. An unhealthy Fe user sweeps issues under the rug to live in their ideal “peaceful” world. If an ISFJ is gripping, their inferior function is Ne. This may cause them to think of all the ways life could be and using it as an excuse that nothing could go wrong due to the likelihood (they think) of it in their life (ex. bringing 18-20 year olds into an unhealthy relationship, believing Onision didn’t cheat due to the fact many things could happen since there are infinite truths in the world and Si-Ti may think that their POV is the most correct from what they gathered). I can see INFP but I do want to see what you think of this. 

Sorry it took so long to respond! I knew this was going to be a long one, so I’ve been avoiding it because tbh you will never meet a lazier INTJ than me. I apologize in advance for the poor quality of this message, because my brain fog is really shitty today and I’m feeling not nearly as sharp as I usually am. My arguments will probably not be as convincing or wordy as they usually are.

Anyway, I believe she actually said she was INFJ. I remember because I was the one who asked her to take the quiz. >_> (Unless we’re thinking of two different incidences? This was, if I recall correctly, around the time that Billie had just left for the final time, so I want to say September or October of 2016.) Anyway–tbh, the fact that she got INFJ just confirmed to me more than anything else that she really was an INFP, because let’s be real, I’m pretty sure no INFP has ever existed who didn’t first mistype themselves as being an INFJ. (I’m mostly joking, but like.. only mostly.) Of course, ISFJs also frequently mistype as INFJs, so this is an idea worth exploring.

Anyway, I shall try to explain why I see her as an INFP rather than as an ISFJ or INFJ. I apologize in advance if you’re an INFP; if I end up saying anything rude about them, please understand that I’m not making disparaging comments about INFPs in general - I’m just evaluating Lainey, who is (I believe) a very unhealthy version of her type.

So, first and foremost: Fi. Sooo much Fi. But Fi in the most unhealthy way possible: incredibly self-righteous and self-absorbed, and excessively concerned with interpreting and relaying her own individualistic, unique identity to the world. She needs to be acknowledged for her differences. If you look back at all of the arguments she’s ever had with Greg on social media (in other words, the times when he says something that aggrieves her enough that she’s actually willing to confront him over it), they all have the same theme in common: they’re always about her feeling affronted because he invalidated her values or sense of self somehow. For example: the last fight they got in was because Greg referred to himself as being in a straight relationship, which offended Lainey because she interpreted that as him undermining her gender. I can think of a few other examples of their arguments on social media off the top of my head, and they all follow that same theme: Greg being insulted that she was hero-worshiping a musician who didn’t like him (also an Fi user); Greg arguing with her about eating fish; Greg calling her filthy because her room was dirty and she hadn’t cleaned it; Greg insulting her family (especially her mother and sister). When Lainey gets involved in Greg’s debates or ongoing feuds with other content creators (Jaclyn Glenn, Joy Sparkle BS, Blaire White, etc), it’s never to weigh in with her opinion, and only ever to express her irritation over them misgendering her, either accidentally or on purpose. When she’s rude and condescending towards her fans, it’s typically because they questioned her sense of self somehow (usually in regards to her gender, internal motivations, or relationship with Greg). It’s rarely in defense of anybody else, which I feel like would happen more often if she really was an Fe user.

I think the tactfulness and willingness to sweep things under the rug that you’re interpreting as being aux Fe may actually be a combination of Fi seeking harmony in relationships (high Fi users can do this too, just like Fe users can; the difference mainly lies in when, and for what reason, their feeling function becomes triggered when somebody crosses the line. For Fi users, this tends to be when something strikes a personal nerve or attacks and invalidates their character or sense of self; for Fe users, this tends to be when somebody rejects, abuses, or takes advantage of their warmth and care, or when somebody expresses a lack of concern for the collective (family, friends, neighborhood, club, church group, society, etc) - other words, selfishness. If you dismiss their overtures of affection after they’ve put effort into displaying warmth and consideration, then they may become offended when that same person then takes advantage of those polite gestures, or refuses to reciprocate them), and also Lainey just generally not caring enough to say or do anything to counter Greg that might rock the boat in their private life. 

Secondly: Ne. In Lainey’s case, her Ne is not as overt as I’ve observed it in other INFPs, and I’m not sure why this is. I apologize if this comes off as rude (and it really kind of is, but I don’t know how else to say this in a non-offensive way), but I think it’s really just because Lainey is an INFP of average intelligence, whereas most INFPs (that I’ve encountered, anyway) are in the gifted range, and so their Ne is much more readily apparent. Ne and Se share many qualities (being that they’re both Pe functions), including that they both have a preference for wanting to live life by their own standards, a strong dislike of feeling constrained or held back, feeling compelled to seek novelty (Se in a more physical, concrete way, and Ne in a more abstract, conceptual way), and wanting to learn through experience. Se and Ne both feel driven to be seen as cool–but in different ways. Se wants to be seen as cool in a more physical and conventional sense - for example, by being entertaining, or by dressing in a manner that is immediately impactful in a sensory way. Ne, on the other hand, wants to be cool by being unique, different, iconoclastic - it wants to be regarded as quirky and iconoclastic, cool for being “uncool”, if that makes sense. And so many INFPs are drawn to countercultures (hipsters, for example) who are unconventional, but still have a certain mystique and draw to them; and I definitely think Lainey fulfills that aspect of Ne.

Ugh. I’m sorry, my brain power is running low. Brain fog is super bad today. I think we both see Si in her, so I don’t think I have to explain that. Mainly where I see Si in her (especially in the form of Fi-Si loops) is her inability to let go of people from her past. She even did it with Billie: brought her back over and over again because she would find herself looking back on the good times, and minimizing the bad ones. She makes the same mistakes repeatedly because she reviews her memories of them (memories which are attached to emotional experiences), and feels compelled to relive them, no matter how painful they were. 

Please don’t make me write something for Te. My Te is all pooped out today. :C

Anyway, it’s lovely running into somebody on here who’s knowledgeable about the cognitive functions! =O I’m guessing you’re an INFP as well? Sorry for this shitty argument, I  might try to redo it in a few days when my brain fog dissipates a little.

Edit: I just went back to the the post; and yeah, she scored as INFJ-T on the 16personalities test (admittedly shitty and has nothing to do with the cognitive functions). In the comment section, I left a link on how to differentiate between INFJ and INFP, lmao.

Edit #2: Oh, one last thing: here’s a description of what a destructive INFP looks like from one of my favorite MBTI sites, Psychology Junkie. Doesn’t it remind you of Lainey?

Destructive INFPs are self-absorbed, self-righteous, and waver between being passive and extremely judgmental. They enjoy living in their fantasies, but care little for the practical realities of daily life. They may neglect their loved ones and family members and instead prefer to live in a world of their own making, in essence abandoning everyone who holds them dear. They may consider themselves more morally superior or “righteous” than others, married to their idealism to such an extent that any and everyone in the real world seems flawed and disappointing. They may retreat from the world and silently judge everyone they see. Over time, they may become increasingly harsh and condemning of people in their lives. They may become so obsessed with their own emotions and fantasies that they shun or berate anyone who tries to find a way into their hearts.

Healthy INFPs are extremely empathetic, gentle, and compassionate individuals. They care for the persecuted and marginalized people of the world, and strive to help them. They are honest and driven by their morals to live a life that adheres to their values. They are creative and insightful, slow to judge others yet holding themselves to a high standard.

Also, just for the keks, here’s the description of destructive ESTJs, the type that I suspect Greg is. (I do believe that he actually took an MBTI test and scored as ESTJ, which he hilariously tried to use to “prove” that he wasn’t a narcissist or psychopath. Really shows how much effort he puts into researching his “facts”.

Destructive ESTJs are dictatorial, aggressive, and controlling. They believe that they know what’s best for everyone, and that their way is the only way. They suppress their moral compass and disregard the feelings and values of other people in exchange for their own rigid views. They push forward to achieve their goals, but instead of taking time to reflect on their decisions, they steamroll over everyone in their path in order to accomplish tasks without considering alternate viewpoints or the moral implications of their actions. They may be loyal to a corrupt system or authority and suppress anyone who stands against that authority or questions it. They trust their own personal experience and disregard other people’s experience. They scoff at the emotions and values of others while they allow themselves to have their own temper tantrums and emotional overreactions.

Healthy ESTJs: Healthy ESTJs are hard-working, trustworthy, and loyal. They see the world logically and push themselves to live up to a high standard. They don’t ask other people to do things they wouldn’t do themselves, and they uphold traditions they see as morally right and effective. They are intellectual, practical, and usually outgoing. They are very supportive of their communities and families and want to make the world a better place.

(Source)

[tinygaysheep-blog]

A lil Keith theory+ character analysis (kinda) ALSO LANCE IS KEITH’S STABILITY EXPLAINED

Ya girl is back with a theory that quite honestly breaks my heart. But it has nesttled itself into my head and oh boy, oh boy does this make me sad. 

BPD, or borderline personality disorder is a mental illness a lot of people don’t really understand. Its also pretty hard to diagnose for some reason and often confused with bipolar depression and autism. 

Lets take a look at the symptoms; 

Having an unstable or dysfunctional self-image or a distorted sense of self (how one feels about one’s self). Keith definitely has a problem with feeling worthless. We all know that Lance has problems with insecurity, but what goes over a lot of people’s heads is that Keith does too. He assumes people dont like him, the only thing he’s actually sort of proud off are his flying skills. He doesn’t want to lead Voltron cause he doesn’t think he’s any good as a leader, and while he’s not as good at it as Shiro, he defnitely has some leader qualities but he doesn’t see them himself. He came a long way in season 3 in a very short time but he didn’t see it.  And his self-sacrifice at through-out of season 4? It could just be the blade of marmora influencing him with their “the mission is more important than the individual” crap, but I don’t think it is. He goes back for other memembers and even tries to fight Kolivan to save the guy when he would maybe be able to throw the guy to safety but never run back himself. And the final eppisode? Keith cares more about anyone and anything than himself. He’s literally willing to die to save anyone else. 

Feelings of isolation, boredom and emptiness. We all know Keith suffers from not really feeling a connection with others. He’s literally been on a ship in space with six other people for God knows how long and they still describe him as the lone wolf, he still trains on his own all the time. And the common misconception is that he wants to be alone. He really, really, really doesn’t. I cannot stress enough how much this boy would love to join in on the fun all the time, to not be so far away from the rest of them, but he just can’t.  He’s too scarred he’ll be rejected or something along those lines so instead he just... Lone wolfs it. 

Difficulty feeling empathy for others.  I decided against highlighting this one because we haven’t really seen a lot of it. Although, there have been a few cases of this, like when Pidge tried to leave. In my personal opinion, I don’t think he can summon the empathy very well unless he’s going through or has been through the same thing.  When he and Allura went out to space because they both though Zarkon was tracking them he showed quite a bit of empathy towards her but that was also because they were in the same boat (no pun intended) he was sort of going through the same thing. So he understood. When Lance came to him with his issues of insecurrity he got it because he’s scarred of being kicked out too. Of not being a valueable member to the team.  But when Pidge wanted to go find her family he couldn’t relate. Cause he’s never really had a family to look for. We don’t know what happened with his dad, whether he died or just up and left like his mum did. But seeming it’s more logical, lets assume his dad did die, he doesn’t know his mother, so... He doesn’t understand Pidge wanting to look for her brother.  You may argue that he had Shiro to look for, but if you watch the first episode of season one its pretty clear he wasn’t looking for Shiro. He’s surprised to see him there and he was tracking Voltron before that. Finding Shiro was merely conicidental.

A history of unstable relationships that can change drastically from intense love and idealization to intense hate.  Again, I didn’t want to highlight this one because, well, we don’t know enough about his backstory to be able to judge if he’s had unstable relationships in the past.  However, you cant tell me he doesn’t have and intense idealization of Shiro that kinda turned into a sort of hate (but not really) when he was left in charge of Voltron. But that’s all I got on that one. He doesn’t really seem to hate people or idealise them (apart from Shiro) Some may argue that he hated Lance in season one, but honestly, I call bullshit on that. Annoyance, yes. Hate, no.  Annoyed neutrality. 

A persistent fear of abandonment and rejection, including extreme emotional reactions to real and even perceived abandonment I feel like I dont have to go into this.... So I wont... AT LEAST NOT THE OVERLY OBVIOUS STUFF.  Okay so, our boy has abandonment issues. We all knew that. But I honestly don’t think y’all are seeing just how far this stuff actually goes.  When he though Lance hated him (EXACTLY HOW CANNON THE HATE IS IS UP FOR DISSCUSSION, FIGHT ME ANNONS) he really didn’t want much to do with him. Even made a few jabs at him so that he could reject Lance first.  With the B.O.M however, we see him literally almost work himself to death during the trails in fear of being rejected to the group. The boy has major issues with self esteem, which is probably why he did so well at the garrison, cause he needs those results to feel okay about himself. He doesn’t think he’s good enough so he works towards being better, yes its pragmatic, but ultimately he’ll end up.... oh I don’t know... sacrificing himself. 

Intense, highly changeable moods that can last for several days or for just a few hours.  Again, I didn’t highlight this one because, well I don’t have too much to back it up other than that he seems very easy to upset. A little comment like that he’s the lone wolf, even though he’s trying to fit in can really get to him. And just... can people stop hurting my baby please? 

Strong feelings of anxiety, worry and depression Honestly, this is another one I don’t feel like I have to explain. It just, Keith is a guy that worries a lot, and he definitely has anxiety when it comes to interacting with others. From the way he talks about his mother to the way he looked at his blade when he was figuring out his Galra identity, and the look on his face when the others were pissed off at him in season 4, I think depression is definitely a concept he touches on. Maybe not fullblown, actual depression, but I think he has... issues with feeling like a depressed person feels sometimes.  But he’s never actually vocalized this, so this may be me projecting. Though he does show some general symptoms fo depression. 

Impulsive, risky, self-destructive and dangerous behaviors, including reckless driving, drug or alcohol abuse and having unsafe sex I just, r e c k l e s s  d r i v i n g  Yes, he’s a skilled pilot but you cannot tell me he doesn’t throw caution to the wind a lot.  Also remember that king he held hostage?  Also remember how he worked himself to death during the B.O.M trials? Also remember the self sacrifice?  Also remember the putting himself in danger to safe his teammates?  Also remember how he ran away with Allura in the middle of the night because he THOUGHT he MIGHT be getting tracked and left the team unable to form Voltron without telling anyone?

Hostility “What? Keith is a total hothead”- Lance, 2016.  No but, Keith has said himself that he can be this way.  Even Shiro has pointed it out to him. This one is kinda also just very self explanitory. 

Unstable career plans, goals and aspirations Well I mean, his plans do kinda seem to be all over the place. He got kicked out of the Garrison... and tracked alien life for a year???  And other than finding Shiro in season 2-3 and joining the blade he never really has a long term plan. His only goal is defeating the Galra, it doesnt go deeper than that. He doesnt necessarily want to go home or settle down. He has no plan. He just kinda floats through life.

With BPD you have these things called modi. Modi are... in simple terms, fragments of your personality. There are five modi, the protector, the strict/punishing parent, the abandoned/abused child, the angry/impulsive child and the healthy grown up. Everybody sort of has these a little bit, but when you have BPD your healthy adult mode is a little... under developed/overwhelmed by the other modi. 

I personally also suffer from BPD and I honestly see a lot of these modi in Keith. The protector is the main one that seems to be present with him. (I also have this one, I call mine richard/dick for short). The protector’s main job is keeping people at arm’s lenght, its hard to get past this guy, esspecially if he’s the main dude running the show. Keith’s protector seems to work a lot with the impulsive child which is why he has such dificulty being a leader. 

I want to give an example here of how Keith’s modi seem to coexist; 

So lets take the scene where he just started leading Voltron and he chased Lotor into the gassplanet. So, he has an objective; get Lotor. His strict parrent modi will lock onto this WITH A FUCKING DEATH GRIP. It doesn’t matter what he has to do, he needs to get his objective. The impulsive child then takes over with the the stirct parent fueling him by telling him he needs to do this, when the team tells him to stop the protector shrugs them off. 

Later, once he failed, and lost everyone, the child and the protector regress, leaving the abandoned child and the strict parrent to yell at it and make the child feel like shit about itself. This is when Keith is vulnerable. That’s why Lance could approach him, and he knows it. And while acknowledging that Keith fucked up, he appeals to the healthy adult in his system to try and get him to move on. 

THAT is why Lance is so good for him and why he stablizes Keith mentally. He is able to tell him that he made a mistake while still accesing the healthy grown-up. Shiro, on the other hand, doesn’t do that. He is constantly trying to shape Keith to be better and sometimes, yes he gets through to Keith’s healthy adult and stuff (patience yeilds focus), but mostly he appeals to the strict parent telling him to be better. 

It doesn’t surprise me that that’s why he saw Shiro during the Galra trials. He really, really, really wants his approval. He might even see Shiro as the strict modi if he were to personify it. 

I hope you’re as sad about this as I am, because it’s two a.m and this suddenly hit me like 20 minutes ago and I’ve been keeping my emotions in check ever since.

[seeking-sunshine-sea-happiness]

11 ways to be a slightly better human

We are in a time where we all need a list. 7 reasons why your zodiac sign is the worst, 20 reasons why you suck at life, 13 ways to declutter your mess of a brain etc. We need these lists to have something to relate to, something to validate we aren't alone in this gigantic massive negative crumbling world. There is absolutely nothing wrong with it. We all need answers to these problems we have within us. These problems we feel we need to protect, so we bottle them up and never share them. WHY? Because God forbid we share our worries or we might be judged or even worse (GASP) embarrassed that we are a disgusting human, walking around with our gross stinky feelings/emotions/thoughts. EW  But really I need these lists too, because you see even as a nearing 30 year old (I know I am nearing grandmahood, grow up.) I still don't always have my crap together. In fact I don't know if I ever will and yeah thats certainly the most terriiying but also completely liberating thing. So here is my list on how to be a better human, how to open up, how to manage your time, how to communicate better, how to admit your'e wrong, and how to procrastinate efficiently. Basically this is my life on how to live each moment as your most authentic, mistake making, human living, open hearted self.

1. BE KIND.

We say it all the time. We share quotes about it. Man even Cinderella is on board with it, and Cinderella is amazing. Like seriously guys, genuinely smile at everyone you see, hold the door (ladies can do it too), acknowledge the homeless (wo)man on the corner even if you can't spare some change. Leave a note for a friend/coworker to brighten their day. Call your grandparents if you still can. Change someone's day with a simple act of just treating every single person how you want to treated. Not only does it require the smallest amount of effort, you might actually find that negative closed off armour melt away a little bit.  

2. WORK HARD  

Let's face it. NO one is going to do the work for us as much as we'd love that. Getting somewhere in life requires ultimate effort. Not just the bare minimum, but above and beyond, blood, sweat, and tears kind of effort. Believe me, its exhausting. But the pay off is worth it. If you're like me in the freelance/artist world, finding work can be a full time job. But when you get to work for yourself, all of that hard work is the ultimate reward, even if it doesn't always feel like it.  Just put in some elbow grease and dont stop.

3. PRACTICE PATIENCE.  

Success, love, finding yourself, money, etc. What do all of those things have in common? They require time to acquire and grow.  We work hard and search endlessly to figure out how we can get these things but we never take the time to allow everything to play out how they should. Put in the effort in life necessary to grow our assets and let it all just happen. Stop for a moment each day and breathe. Reflect. Meditate. Slow down just a little bit and enjoy each moment for what its worth, instead of rushing to get to the finish line.  Unless you have a deadline, then do that fast.

4. LET IT GO

There I said it. Let it go. LET IT GO. What exactly is the "IT"?  It doesn't matter. Its the past. It is unchangeable. It is absolutely most certainly not going to define you unless you let it. You had a horrific breakup. You lost all your money gambling on a boat. You cheated on your spouse. You hurt someone's feelings. You didn't get the 1,000 auditions you went to. Your credit sucks. You failed the spelling bee? All these things are things we don't want to experience or shouldn't have done. But guess what? They happened and Y O U have the ability to pick yourself up, move on, and make the changes to get out of that funk. Do it. You'll feel amazing.

5. COMMUNICATION IS KING

Use your words. Sing them. Scream them. Write them down. But most importantly, get those words out in to the world. We all spend so much time complaining on the internet, or to our friends/family/whoever will listen about the most trivial stuff. Instead we should be talking to the people it pertains to. You don't like something your husband did? You were unfairly treated at work? You feel you're being taken advantage of? You didn't get paid what you were promised? Say something. If you do nothing. If you say nothing. Nothing will ever ever ever ever change. Communucating with one another can seriously change the world.

6. SHARE YOUR SUCCESSES (with no expectations of return)

Many many moons ago when I first started modeling, I didn't have any one to guide me. I didn't have a single person to tell me if something was a scam, or that I shouldn't pay for this or that, don't cut your hair, learn how to dress, what is in a model bag? The internet wasn't really a tool at the time. We barely used emails for bookings. Anyways. It's been my vow and I've felt my duty to mentor/guide/pass on the torch to others when I can. Sharing is literally one of the best things we can do for ourselves and others. Not only does it make you feel good to help someone else out, you are also giving someone else a chance to have a great experience.

What do I mean by sharing your successes?

Example: I can't make a particulr modeling job on Sunday (true story) so I reached out to my network of models and passed on the amazing opportunity to someone else.

Moral of the story. Stop being so competitve and afraid that another model (person) might take your client. If you are good at what you do, people will always remember you. They will remember your hard work, your kindness, your ability to share, and eventually maybe just maybe you'll refer enough people they'll start paying you for it? (Hey its happened to me a few times)

7. DROP YOUR EGO (sort of)

Okay. EGO isn't all bad. We all need to believe in ourselves fully. So.....don't drop your ego completely. DO allow yourself to be more open. I believe that many opportunities are missed because we think we are "too good" for something.  We all want to hold ourselves very high, because we think we are better than something. We think because we made this much money doing this job that we should always continue to make that much and never less, or we've worked this job so we can't be seen doing something we consider beneath it. STOP THAT RIGHT NOW. Yes. We do need to have standards. We do need to demand that we get paid what we are worth. We do have to make sure we are not being taken advantage of. BUT what I have learned is that you can never judge an opportunity because you never know what it might turn into.

8. STOP COMPARING YOURSELF

Nobody is perfect, I repeat, NO LIVING HUMAN IS PERFECT. Although we are all pretty guilty of this on the daily reg. BUT just stop it. We are our worst critics, but it isn't our place to judge others or compare ourselves to others. Look within yourself, if you do not like what you see, change it. But stop tearing yourself down trying to be someone else. Your successes, your path, your journey, your life. That is all you. You will never anyone other than you, so embrace that fully.  Be you and be proud.

9. BE PRESENT

GET OFF YOUR CELL PHONES.  It's rude.  It's boring. I've fallen into the habit of getting so annoyed that people are on the phones ignoring the moment that I've just started being on mine, because I hate talking to thin air.

Nothing on any social media page will ever be as important as the conversation you are having with a real live friend, spouse, family member. I don't care how boring the conversation is, when you refuse to absorb the people in your presence, or the moment, you are refusing the have a normal open friendship/relationship with that person.  So if you are having a nice dinner, leave your phone in your purse/pocket/car. Pay attention. The world is beautiful.  Your phone can't hold you at night.

10. CREATE YOUR OWN HAPPINESS

You are completely responsible for your own happiness.  You need to get your life in order, pave your own way, make your own money, have your own individual successes, learn to cook for yourself, whatever. You need to be your own individual. It should never ever be up to another person to make you happy.

INSTEAD- You should be with a person or people or friends who enhance your existence. Who have their own game going and can run alongside you and share happiness. Right? Happiness is shared. And if that isn't the case, run as far away from the negativity that is bringing you down son!  

*Side note- happiness isn't constant ok? Like get a grip. Its work, just like everything else. So if sometimes you have a day where you aren't super happy, its not the end of the world. Promise. Go pet some puppies, sip a latte or unicorn frapp if you have that fat heart, and sleep on it.

11. TAKE A LEAP OF FAITH

YES! Do something bold, something that you know deep down you want to do.  Something you maybe always dreamed of. If you can look deep inside your soul and say, if I do this I will be with the person of my dreams, I can live in a place I've never lived, I can change my life, I can live a little differently, DO IT. It might be scary. It might be the biggest uncertainity ever. It might not even be anything you ever expected. And it might not even work out. But if you don't do it, you will spend your life wondering what if?

As Eminem once nobaly said:

Look, if you had one shot, or one opportunity To seize everything you ever wanted, in one moment Would you capture it or just let it slip?

If you don't take a leap of faith at least once in your life, to do something that might change your life forever, why not take it?  I did.  And I literally woulnd't change it for the world. <3

[jess-oh]

Reflection

hey journal!

i had an off day today. i woke up early, showered, cut and prepared my lunch for the day, packed grapes to snack on, and was overall in a pretty good mood. i even stayed awake for the entire train ride up north and while i did run into the homeless guy again, he didnt recognize me this time. phew. but i started it off well! i did! but then i preceeded to feel very overwhelmed and I can’t tell if im just being lazy or if today was honestly an off day or what. i think it’s bc i do have a tendency to work fast in general but bc of that, i usually have a lot of free time and a lot of time for a break but today, i didnt feel like i had a break. it was just one thing after the other and all so fast! And I’ve been getting more “fire drill” requests recently where clients need something ASAP. Which haven’t been too hard. It’s just a lot to take care of I guess. And it could just be that it’s a busy season right now. But it was just today and I do feel like tomorrow will be better. I just need to come up with a few different drafts for the one pager and the company map. I’m thinking of looking into flow charts? Or an organizational map? Or maybe it’s a chart? Anyway, I did one for ITM that came out pretty nice so maybe I’ll mimic the style. I think I’m just having such a hard time bc I don’t exactly know what they want whereas my work for the clients have been pretty straightforward. 

Sometimes I wonder if I’m too “perfect” and because of that, I lack a personality.

I didn’t actually tell anyone the above thought bc I thought it’d just come off as cocky but it was an actual concern! but I don’t think it’s true, haha. I’m passionate, loyal, determined, and hardworking. I’m not as goal-oriented as I used to be and I’m a lot more open to mistakes bc I know it’s not the end of the world. I’ve been able to overcome my fear of failure and it’s been immensely helpful. Although sometimes, I do still wonder if I’m not putting my best foot forward because I’m not a perfectionist anymore and worry if I should revert to those old habits. But I was so unhappy then and I’ve been able to do a lot more now without making every draft a “perfect” draft. 

I didn’t realize the people in my class from Sa-Rang went on their road trip recently and it looks like they had a good time and I was actually not at all worried about missing out. In fact, I think if I went, it would’ve just been awkward. I’m glad theyre having a good time. I just don’t think my personality fits in with them. Everyone is so competitive and I’ve tried to play those games before and I feel like if I called them out on it, they’d just chalk it off to me overreacting and they just dont trust me bc of the game and not bc of the past. But I feel like it would be bc of the past. I just wish they’d give me a chance. I actually feel like a real, decent, valid human being with my D&D friends and co-workers and peers out here. And with them. I always felt like I tried to speak up but they would ignore me. I was a voice always unheard and it made me feel invisible and like less of a person. And it felt like a norm so whenever people did acknowledge my existence, I was so touched. So touched to know that at least someone could see me. But how sad is that? I know who I am and I know the good that I have done and I know my place in God’s Kingdom. But whenever I’m with them, everything just falls apart and I question my identity and I just really don’t want to go back and face that again. I only have a month left before I have to. I want to make the most of my time here so that I’m not so afraid when I go back there. I do need to stand my ground with them and I know that I shouldn’t be this afraid to go back to my home church but I am just so afraid of how they’d react and judge me bc they’re the people I call “home.” And if that falls apart, then what. I do have Lakeview here and I’m glad but it’s still a work in progress for sure. I also want to make sure I’m doing things to help and invest into others because I genuinely care for them and not so that they’ll be grateful and thankful towards me later. I do want to genuinely serve them. I do. And I know that I can get into my own head a lot but I do want to really care for them on a deeper level. I also worry that whenever I reach out to guys, they think I’m asking them out on a date but I’m not. I actually just perceive them as I perceive girls—as hurting people and I want to be there to help them through it. 

I have “Jessie’s Girl” stuck in my head and as catchy as it is, it’s distracting my writings.

I’m really excited to sing karaoke with my friends on Friday and I just belt out my horrible horrible voice. I am totally prepared to lose my voice, HAHA. 

I’m just really conflicted, I guess.

On the one hand, I do really want to go home and just be home and not have to worry about anything but to just be in the presence of my parents and sister and to have the opportunity to go out on more late night adventures with Andrew, Aurora, and David. Those are always fun! And admittedly, forcing hangouts with Jeanne, Grace An, Tina and David Kang were always kind of awkward and I shouldn’t force these things. If people want to hangout with me then they can hit me up. But I’m only in town for so long and I would much rather spend time with people who actually genuinely care about me. 

I’ve also been so busy with my internship and havent had time to work on my coding skills :( And I want to start designing my D&D character too! Maybe I’ll start sketching on the train tomorrow or something. 

I need to do my dishes and practice my VBS dance moves too! Hopefully Saturday? :/ I want to be prepared and ready to teach 2 more dances that I’m confident in on Sunday! And then...I’m not sure what we’ll do for the rest of the time. Maybe we can all work together on the fifth dance and just keep practicing every Sunday. I do need to make sure they can confidently dance on their own without watching me. I’m worried about one of the bigger girls because she is me. She’s not bad at dancing. She’s just not confident in her skills and I want to make sure she knows that she is seen. She is real. And valid. And so important and perfect in God’s eyes. I know I was pretty nervous last Sunday but I do want to really pray for them and be a sort of mentor figure for them. We just started training and I already love all of them so much. It was also pretty disheartening when I asked for fun facts about them and they just resorted to being a PK, as if that’s all they’re good for when in reality, they are so much more than that. I can understand why and how I got and get left out a lot more now. I’m that bigger girl bc she wasnt as enthusiastic or excited. She was just shy and quiet. And I feel like there have been moments when I’ve been really enthusiastic but no one else agreed with me and I ended up just being the odd one out and felt like such an outsider and like I didn’t belong. :/ I want to really do my best and try my hardest. I do.

I’m also worried that by the time I come back during August, I won’t have grown that much and nothing will feel like it’s changed. I’m just trying to prepare and think as much as I can until then. I almost don’t want to go home at all. I’m so scared that what awaits me is just me feeling like I don’t belong. At first I was sad that I’ll only be home for a few weeks but now I’m thinking that’s all I can handle. I am so afraid that I won’t have grown or learned enough. So much happened this past year that it feels like nothing happened at all. I struggled with alcoholism, depression, anxiety, I lost Marlena and Jakob, I made new friends like Sara and Evelyn too. I had trouble coming to terms with my dad’s mom’s death, my mom’s dad’s death, my whole family dying and everything we own being burned to a crisp. All of my family members and friends getting seriously injured and everything they know and love being destroyed in a great blaze. And hardest of all, I had to come to terms with the very real reality of Robbin passing away and honestly, I still can’t fully believe it. I think once I see his grave again, I’ll actually begin to fully accept it. I really still can’t believe that happened and that’s definitely been the most impactful part of this past year. I knew that this year would be tough but I thought in terms of persecution and that’s something I overcame. I didn’t care about how others would judge me at church or on the streets anymore because I know who I am in God’s eyes. Or at least I’m trying to learn my worth in them. But this? This was on a whole different level. I went home in February for the weekend to attend Robbin’s funeral. I know it was so expensive but it was so worth it be there. It was much needed closure. I remember seeing my dad cry on our way from the airport to his mom’s place. We were both so upset, knowing what a great person Robbin was and how short his life was. He was ten years older than me when he passed away. It’s been over five months, nearly six, since he had a heart attack and I just. Sigh. I really miss you Robbin and I am so sorry that I didn’t do more for you while you were still here. I know it wasn’t my fault but I still can’t help but feel partly responsible and wonder if anything would have changed had I said something. I know what depression feels like and it sucks and I could’ve been there for him but I wasn’t. 

But anyways,

I’m here now and I am doing good. I know I am. I am happy that I can. I need to stop procrastinating and be more pro-active and get everything done sooner so that I have more time to relax and not have to worry about things to do the next day. I don’t even feel like typing anymore but I’m not tired either. I might just watch videos because might as well. I’m really not in the mood to shower or was dishes. At least tomorrow is my last day for the week! Woo! I could just take care of those things tomorrow, I suppose. Sigh. I know I shouldn’t be lazy and I definitely have the means and ability to get up and do these things and just get it over with my but I’m really not in the mood. I just want to lay on the floor and cry and wallow in my sorrow. Sigh. 

On a brighter note, I saw the Incredible 2 yesterday with Tykira and Jordan and it was so good! I predicted the plot pretty early on so I was worried that that would be the whole movie so I was pleasantly surprised when it wasn’t! C:

I read some old posts in the Guat Squad group the other day while looking for old VBS dance moves and I told Judy that I missed everyone. But honestly, I don’t know if I do. I posted so many times and was so excited to post about reminders and I honestly did trust them and have a good time but not everyone, I guess. Even on the mission field, I was a lot more comfortable talking to Judy, Grace, and Gladys than anyone else on the team. There were moments during training where they did acknowledge me and I felt accepted and like I belonged but for the majority of the time, I don’t think I actually really got along with them. I need to stop trying so hard to fit in and just saying what everyone else is saying and speak the truth instead. It might be “not the right move” but it’s much better to be me and honest than to spend so long trying so hard to fit into a group that will never accept me anyway. I think this is a new goal that I should be working towards. Using my observations to just be blunt and straightforward and honest. I think I’ve been doing a pretty good job doing that with my family and P. Josh so far. I just can’t be afraid to be honest to those around my age either. 

I also need to stop judging people for being wealthy and well off. And also for complaining or being greedy or doing a better job at fitting in than I do. I’ve been really frustrated towards Jane recently bc I feel like she just complains all the time and tries so hard to fit in and it annoys me so much bc I try to fit in too. So why does it work for her but not for me? And maybe it’s because I’m fat or not as pretty. Maybe it’s because of what happened in the past. But regardless, I am here. And I want to be unapologetically me. 

[softboisquad]

(That thing I reblogged made me think a lot and basically write an essay in the tags, so I thought I'd just edit them and put them in a post too. This is in no way a call-out post or something, just a more solid place to articulate my thoughts.) Of what the op said, I understood it as: 'youtubers/streamers don't know you -> therefore they don't care about you -> therefore you should not go to their defence when they do shitty things.' Which I don't... completely agree with. First of all, I would not say that youtubers/streamers/etc. necessarily don't care about their viewers, nor would I say that "the most meaningful interaction they're gonna have with you is making bank off your sweet clicks & views", that's a very pessimistic view of that whole situation... They can definitely have more meaningful interactions with their viewers than that, and they can definitely care about the people that view their videos. What I think the op means though, is that it's not Personal. The op&replier were both right in saying that the youtuber(s)/streamer(s)/celeb(s) don't know You Personally. (Unless- I mean- you do know each other...but that's not the dynamic were talking about here). You know Of them, because youve seen their personallity through their content most likely. You don't Know them, because you havent met or had any sort of personal relationship with them. They don't know who you are, but what I'm saying is that that doesn't mean they give 0 shits about your well-being as a fellow human-person, they care about your well-being in that way. (Assumedly... Hopefully.) They just have no super personal feelings about you like you might have about them; (you know of them, they don't know you). Also, about what the replier said about being big on Tumblr and talking to someone and accidentally intimidating them/making them feel bad... I think that people who like a person's content, (to keep it sussinct lets just call them 'viewers'), will idolize that person and put them on a pedestal and therefore will put a Lot of weight on any interaction they have with that person- more than they would with a casual interaction with a casual aquaintance. But then the idolized person may treat the conversation like any other casual interaction with a stranger, (which is, in actuality, pretty much what this is), and (of course) put far less personal weight on it than the other person. So the viewer is looking at this like it's a big big moment (which isn't super bad; its very human), and the idolized person (understandably) isnt. So when the idolized person doesn't go out of their way to be friendly, and make every moment a good one for the viewer person, the weight the viewer put on this interaction can make little things into big things, it makes the situation feel far more extreme than it actually is/is meant to be. The viewer should... keep in mind that they don't know them personally, If You were meeting a person you had previously never known or even heard of, you wouldn't be super personally extatic to meet them, y'know? It's not that you are acting distant/less personal out of wanting them to feel bad, or feel like you don't give a shit, it's just cause you literally don't know them. That can be how the idolized person feels. Also just because you dont have a personal relationship doesnt mean you don't owe them shit and shouldn't defend them. All it means is you aren't a credible source for defense of character. I mean yeah, don't just defend someone because you like their content; Have more of a moral compass than that; One that's not just guided by latching onto someone and lashing out at any opposition/dislikers they get. It just all brings us back to: they are just another person, a human being, like you- the viewer or anyone- and you should judge them as such. Your idols are just people too, and CAN BE WRONG. It's also not bad to acknowledge that. It is not black and white, like... "you either like them and defend their every action Because you like them- or you don't like them." Thats not what it is. You can still like someone and acknowledge their flaws. (OR even realize that theyre shitty! Which can hurt/disappoint, but it hurts less when you view them realistically as another human being, and accept that they can do wrong things). None of the people I admire a lot are perfect beings. None of them. Do I hate them for it? Nope. Will I acknowledge the bad things they've done as bad? Yep. I like them because, in my eyes, their good outweighs their bad and/or their mistakes. It's not so black and white... I guess, tl;dr, youtubers/streamers/tumblr-ers/etc. do give a shit about your well-being as a fellow human person (hopefully) even though they may not know you personally, (just like you don't know them personally), and it is possible to have meaningful interactions with them. Viewers/followers/fans can put a lot of weight on even small interactions, while the idolized person does not/might not realize it. They might treat it casually and the fan's blown-up perception can make little things huge to them and they can end up hurt if the idol doesn't try to make every second great, but even then... Also, have your own moral compass thats not guided simply by "I like this person so they can't do anything wrong and if anyone says they do, attack at them." Your idols are human and imperfect. tl;dr tl;dr: We may idolize each other but we're all human can make mistakes. Your idols aren't above it, so build your own personal moral compass, and judge people as people by that. (It's okay to disagree with your idols). People are people, treat every interaction as such. Just because they're famous in some way doesn't mean they don't give a shit about their fans, even if they don't know them personally and its not a Personal kind of care, they still care about their fellow human people.

[seeking-sunshine-sea-happiness]

11 Ways To Be A Slightly Better Human 

We are in a time where we all need a list. 7 reasons why your zodiac sign is the worst, 20 reasons why you suck at life, 13 ways to declutter your mess of a brain etc. We need these lists to have something to relate to, something to validate we aren’t alone in this gigantic massive negative crumbling world. There is absolutely nothing wrong with it. We all need answers to these problems we have within us. These problems we feel we need to protect, so we bottle them up and never share them. WHY? Because God forbid we share our worries or we might be judged or even worse (GASP) embarrassed that we are a disgusting human, walking around with our gross stinky feelings/emotions/thoughts. EW  But really I need these lists too, because you see even as a nearing 30 year old (I know I am nearing grandmahood, grow up.) I still don’t always have my crap together. In fact I don’t know if I ever will and yeah thats certainly the most terriiying but also completely liberating thing. So here is my list on how to be a better human, how to open up, how to manage your time, how to communicate better, how to admit your'e wrong, and how to procrastinate efficiently. Basically this is my life on how to live each moment as your most authentic, mistake making, human living, open hearted self.

1. BE KIND.

We say it all the time. We share quotes about it. Man even Cinderella is on board with it, and Cinderella is amazing. Like seriously guys, genuinely smile at everyone you see, hold the door (ladies can do it too), acknowledge the homeless (wo)man on the corner even if you can’t spare some change. Leave a note for a friend/coworker to brighten their day. Call your grandparents if you still can. Change someone’s day with a simple act of just treating every single person how you want to treated. Not only does it require the smallest amount of effort, you might actually find that negative closed off armour melt away a little bit.  

2. WORK HARD  

Let’s face it. NO one is going to do the work for us as much as we’d love that. Getting somewhere in life requires ultimate effort. Not just the bare minimum, but above and beyond, blood, sweat, and tears kind of effort. Believe me, its exhausting. But the pay off is worth it. If you’re like me in the freelance/artist world, finding work can be a full time job. But when you get to work for yourself, all of that hard work is the ultimate reward, even if it doesn’t always feel like it.  Just put in some elbow grease and dont stop.

3. PRACTICE PATIENCE.  

Success, love, finding yourself, money, etc. What do all of those things have in common? They require time to acquire and grow.  We work hard and search endlessly to figure out how we can get these things but we never take the time to allow everything to play out how they should. Put in the effort in life necessary to grow our assets and let it all just happen. Stop for a moment each day and breathe. Reflect. Meditate. Slow down just a little bit and enjoy each moment for what its worth, instead of rushing to get to the finish line.  Unless you have a deadline, then do that fast.

4. LET IT GO

There I said it. Let it go. LET IT GO. What exactly is the “IT”?  It doesn’t matter. Its the past. It is unchangeable. It is absolutely most certainly not going to define you unless you let it. You had a horrific breakup. You lost all your money gambling on a boat. You cheated on your spouse. You hurt someone’s feelings. You didn’t get the 1,000 auditions you went to. Your credit sucks. You failed the spelling bee? All these things are things we don’t want to experience or shouldn’t have done. But guess what? They happened and Y O U have the ability to pick yourself up, move on, and make the changes to get out of that funk. Do it. You’ll feel amazing.

5. COMMUNICATION IS KING

Use your words. Sing them. Scream them. Write them down. But most importantly, get those words out in to the world. We all spend so much time complaining on the internet, or to our friends/family/whoever will listen about the most trivial stuff. Instead we should be talking to the people it pertains to. You don’t like something your husband did? You were unfairly treated at work? You feel you’re being taken advantage of? You didn’t get paid what you were promised? Say something. If you do nothing. If you say nothing. Nothing will ever ever ever ever change. Communucating with one another can seriously change the world.

6. SHARE YOUR SUCCESSES (with no expectations of return)

Many many moons ago when I first started modeling, I didn’t have any one to guide me. I didn’t have a single person to tell me if something was a scam, or that I shouldn’t pay for this or that, don’t cut your hair, learn how to dress, what is in a model bag? The internet wasn’t really a tool at the time. We barely used emails for bookings. Anyways. It’s been my vow and I’ve felt my duty to mentor/guide/pass on the torch to others when I can. Sharing is literally one of the best things we can do for ourselves and others. Not only does it make you feel good to help someone else out, you are also giving someone else a chance to have a great experience.

What do I mean by sharing your successes?

Example: I can’t make a particulr modeling job on Sunday (true story) so I reached out to my network of models and passed on the amazing opportunity to someone else.

Moral of the story. Stop being so competitve and afraid that another model (person) might take your client. If you are good at what you do, people will always remember you. They will remember your hard work, your kindness, your ability to share, and eventually maybe just maybe you’ll refer enough people they’ll start paying you for it? (Hey its happened to me a few times)

7. DROP YOUR EGO (sort of)

Okay. EGO isn’t all bad. We all need to believe in ourselves fully. So…..don’t drop your ego completely. DO allow yourself to be more open. I believe that many opportunities are missed because we think we are “too good” for something.  We all want to hold ourselves very high, because we think we are better than something. We think because we made this much money doing this job that we should always continue to make that much and never less, or we’ve worked this job so we can’t be seen doing something we consider beneath it. STOP THAT RIGHT NOW. Yes. We do need to have standards. We do need to demand that we get paid what we are worth. We do have to make sure we are not being taken advantage of. BUT what I have learned is that you can never judge an opportunity because you never know what it might turn into.

8. STOP COMPARING YOURSELF

Nobody is perfect, I repeat, NO LIVING HUMAN IS PERFECT. Although we are all pretty guilty of this on the daily reg. BUT just stop it. We are our worst critics, but it isn’t our place to judge others or compare ourselves to others. Look within yourself, if you do not like what you see, change it. But stop tearing yourself down trying to be someone else. Your successes, your path, your journey, your life. That is all you. You will never anyone other than you, so embrace that fully.  Be you and be proud.

9. BE PRESENT

GET OFF YOUR CELL PHONES.  It’s rude.  It’s boring. I’ve fallen into the habit of getting so annoyed that people are on the phones ignoring the moment that I’ve just started being on mine, because I hate talking to thin air.

Nothing on any social media page will ever be as important as the conversation you are having with a real live friend, spouse, family member. I don’t care how boring the conversation is, when you refuse to absorb the people in your presence, or the moment, you are refusing the have a normal open friendship/relationship with that person.  So if you are having a nice dinner, leave your phone in your purse/pocket/car. Pay attention. The world is beautiful.  Your phone can’t hold you at night.

10. CREATE YOUR OWN HAPPINESS

You are completely responsible for your own happiness.  You need to get your life in order, pave your own way, make your own money, have your own individual successes, learn to cook for yourself, whatever. You need to be your own individual. It should never ever be up to another person to make you happy.

INSTEAD- You should be with a person or people or friends who enhance your existence. Who have their own game going and can run alongside you and share happiness. Right? Happiness is shared. And if that isn’t the case, run as far away from the negativity that is bringing you down son!  

*Side note- happiness isn’t constant ok? Like get a grip. Its work, just like everything else. So if sometimes you have a day where you aren’t super happy, its not the end of the world. Promise. Go pet some puppies, sip a latte or unicorn frapp if you have that fat heart, and sleep on it.

11. TAKE A LEAP OF FAITH

YES! Do something bold, something that you know deep down you want to do.  Something you maybe always dreamed of. If you can look deep inside your soul and say, if I do this I will be with the person of my dreams, I can live in a place I’ve never lived, I can change my life, I can live a little differently, DO IT. It might be scary. It might be the biggest uncertainity ever. It might not even be anything you ever expected. And it might not even work out. But if you don’t do it, you will spend your life wondering what if?

As Eminem once nobaly said:

Look, if you had one shot, or one opportunity To seize everything you ever wanted, in one moment Would you capture it or just let it slip?

If you don’t take a leap of faith at least once in your life, to do something that might change your life forever, why not take it?  I did.  And I literally woulnd’t change it for the world. <3