#no matter if I agree with the opinion or not

[winterarmyy]

I Knew It Then

A series of random Bucky Drabbles that I can't let go but don't have the brain to make the whole complete plot of.

Summary: If it was supposed to be a casual thing, then why does it hurts so much?

Pairing: avenger!bucky x female!reader

Words: 4.8k++

Warnings: angsty, maybe a tad too angst. a bit fluffy, if you search for it, and everything in between. non-descriptive sex scene but definitely contain adult (18+) contents. so, reader discretion.

Inspiration: @buck-star asked in a community post, “The sentence is: 'And then we were standing in front of one another again…' How would you continue it?” and this is my answer.

Read my other works here: Masterlist

Bucky adjusted the sleeves of his jacket; a dark leather, matching the gloves he was wearing. Underneath was a charcoal coloured shirt; his pants was dark-wash jeans, frayed slightly at the edges. It was an effort to blend into the festive sea of people. Despite the spring air of Central Park, his style remained a mixture of shadowed past and muted present, a mix that barely fit in with the brightness of the day. 

The launch of the Avengers statues was a grand event; a reminder of battles fought, lives saved, a place for the public to show their gratitude and admiration. Honestly, in Bucky’s opinion, all of this was a little bit over the top. In which, Steve agreed. They both think that they were undeserving to be sculptured and displayed like this. 

Even the Avengers are human, excluding Thor, they were mortals; unfit to be worshipped as they are now. Yet, after being coaxed with quite a diplomatic, exaggerating speech about how ‘the people need a hero to look up to’, Steve ended up convinced. Not that it matters, but Stark was the one who gave that speech.

Nonetheless, Bucky couldn’t really object to the decision, but he did stated that he will not participate in the event with the rest of the team. And they can’t really do much about that, forcing him to will be equivalent to kidnapping and Bucky had literally filed a police report for it before. So, they won’t take their chances. 

The cheers and thundering of applause rippled through the park, filling every space with a strange blend of solemnity and celebration. Bucky lingered on the edge, hands shoved deep into his pockets, shoulders tensed beneath the weight of too many eyes while his own focused on his team on the make-shift stage near the statues. 

He preferred it here. No red carpets. No standing in front of flashing cameras with a smile that would never sit quite right on his lips.

With less aliens around and Hydra in hiding, this should have been a familiar scene; the Avengers posing and the people cheering. But for Bucky, the novelty had long worn off. The noise washed over him like waves lapping against a shore he couldn’t care to meet.

Shifting on his feet, his fingers brushing against the worn leather of his gloves, as if the urge to retreat was creeping under his skin. The cheers, the bright flashes of cameras, all blended into a muffled hum that made him wonder how soon he could slip away unnoticed.

Until he saw her.

She stood beneath the shade of a blooming cherry tree, the soft pink petals floating down around her as if nature itself wanted to frame her as a living art. 

Y/N. 

Bucky's breath was caught somewhere between inhaling and exhaling. Her mere presence had left him frozen. Then, the noise of the crowd slowly fading, the applause turning duller as his heart pounded in his chest, each beat harder, louder, until it drowned out the world around him. For a few painful moments, he felt as if his heart might force its way free from his ribcage, breaking him apart in the process.

She wore that sundress again. The light fabric swayed gently with each breeze, caressing her figure, the pastel colour that reminded him of the flowers he used to get for her. It was the same dress she’d worn that day; the day he realised falling for her wasn't a choice but a reality that had already happened. He swallowed hard, memories surging in torrents. Her laughter echoed in his ears, the way her eyes lit up when she spoke about things that mattered to her. 

Now however, beneath the sweet sundress and that familiar grace, there was a darkness under her eyes. Shadows etched into her delicate skin, sadness lingering; still and silent, behind the gaze that once held nothing but warmth. Bucky's jaw tightened as he took it all in, every unspoken truth laid bare on her face. He knew why; he’d heard whispers through mutual acquaintances. About the heaviness she tried to mask, about the pain she tried to live through. 

Seeing it now, in the flesh, was so much worse.

It broke him. 

Again. His chest ached, a raw wound ripped within his chest; for every moment she suffered and every part of him that couldn’t fix it. Bucky wanted to look away, but he couldn’t. It was as if an invisible vine had him rooted on earth, willing him to witness the toll their separation had taken on her. How ironic, he thought bitterly. For someone once considered a ghost by the world, he was all too aware of how haunting it felt to see her pain in living colour.

The bar had been crowded that night when they met, laughter and music clashing together in a storm of contagious intoxication. Bucky found his usual spot in the corner, however unusually alone this time. His shoulders hunched beneath his leather jacket; his gloved hands nursed a drink he wasn’t truly interested in. He was simply another brooding man in a bar, trying to swallow his own bitterness, trying to forget. Elena’s words, his ex’s words, echoed in his mind; taunting and cold, leaving a metallic taste on his tongue.

“Mind if I sit?”

Her voice cut through the noise. He’d looked up, barely masking his surprise. The woman standing before him was... a force of nature. She didn’t wait for his permission and slid into the seat beside him, a confident smile tugging at her lips. 

She was so bright, so unapologetically there. 

It almost felt disorienting. Her eyes sparkled like she’d already decided he was interesting and wasn’t about to change her mind. “You always brood like this, or is it a special occasion?” she teased, tilting her head.

“Special occasion,” he replied dryly, a hint of sarcasm colouring his tone. “Guess I’m lucky, huh?”

She laughed, loud and unfiltered, drawing curious looks. “I’ll drink to that,” she said, raising her glass to him as if they were old friends sharing a private joke.

Bucky fought to suppress the twitch of his lips. He wasn’t sure what to make of her. “What brings you to this fine establishment?” he asked, his voice flat but not harsh. “Looking to rescue sad souls like me?”

“Rescue?” She leaned in, eyes dancing with mischief. “Please. I’m here for the entertainment value.”

“Brutal,” he said, but he couldn’t help it; the corner of his mouth lifted. A real smile was threatening to form.

Y/N, as she introduced herself a few moments later, was a whirlwind of honesty and charm. She spoke without hesitation, as if every thought had a right to be voiced. She teased him about the gloves he refused to take off, made a biting but hilarious comment about her friend’s taste in men as she watched her and the man grinding it on the dance floor, and then, out of nowhere, zeroed in on him.

She gestured to his drink. “Let me guess. Your ex. She, or he, I don’t judge…” A tiniest smile curved on the corner of his lips. “She.” he clarified which was replied with a glint of interest in Y/N’s eyes. She nodded, “Okay, she left you for someone who didn’t know how to brood so attractively.”

Bucky choked on his drink, laughter erupting before he could help himself. It was warm and a little bashful, completely genuine. He hadn’t laughed like that in... he couldn’t remember how long.

Y/N was not expecting much tonight. She was literally dragged by her friends to ’go out, meet people, get laid’. Truthfully, she wasn’t really expecting anything more than a few hours of banter and maybe some fleeting connection, just enough to make her smile. Witty remarks, a few drinks, teasing anyone interesting enough to engage; that was her aim. 

But when she saw him, brooding in his corner, a storm trapped beneath layers of leather and cold eyes, curiosity overtook reason. She wanted to know if he would entertain her. 

And he did.

Bucky or as he introduced himself, James, was sarcasm wrapped in shadows, his words carrying a sharpness that wasn’t meant to hurt, just to deflect. She found it oddly endearing, a defence mechanism she recognized all too well. She wanted to pull more from him, so she leaned in, laughed too loudly, pressed buttons she guessed would make him react. 

At first, it was just fun.

But then he smiled. God, when he smiled, her world tilted; much against her will too. It was like the first hint of sunlight breaking through a dense, dark cloud. His laughter was warm and unpracticed, spilling out of him as if it surprised him too. The moment stretched, just for a heartbeat, but it was enough. 

Her heart momentarily shuddered. She could feel the heat rise to her cheeks, blooming a soft pink she couldn’t hide. So, she covered it with more wit, more charm, desperate to keep that smile there a second longer.

“I’m kidding. Kind of,” she said, eyes softening as she studied him. “But seriously, imagine missing out on you. That’s just sad at this point.”

But underneath the humour, there was a flutter of something much profound. It wasn’t supposed to happen. Her heartbeat raced and she felt exposed. How ridiculous, she thought, to be undone by a smile; a real one, genuine and imperfect, just as raw as her own attempt to draw it out.

The concept of time blurred after that. Drinks flowed, words tumbled out like secrets they didn’t know they were sharing. Banter turned into stories, laughter into pauses that spoke louder than the music blaring around them. At some point, she reached for his hand, not caring that it was gloved or why. Her fingers lingered, hesitant for half a breath, before resting there as if they’d been doing so for years. 

The air thickened and inches shrink.

When he kissed her, she found herself kissing him back with a need she hadn’t recognized before. It wasn’t about filling the void; at least, not only that. It was about the way he leaned into her touch, how he kissed like it was the last act that could hold him together. It was raw and open and imperfect and she was high on it.

Despite the fleeting, breath-stealing kisses they shared prior, Bucky had only meant to see her safely to her home. That was the plan, the line he swore he wouldn’t cross. But when her lips met his again just outside her apartment, everything unravelled. Her kiss was insistent, needy in a way that mirrored the ache deep inside him. She pulled him in, the door closing behind them, shutting out the world and any remnants of restraint he had left.

They stumbled to the bed, still fully dressed, every touch and kiss growing more urgent. Her hands found the edges of his jacket, fingers seeking to peel it away. But when she tugged, he pulled back, his breaths ragged. “Wait,” he murmured, eyes cast down. His hesitation was a stark contrast to the flames between them moments before.

She paused immediately, her gaze softening. “What’s wrong?” Her voice was gentle, careful not to push too hard but unwilling to let him slip away either.

“I’m not who you think I am,” he said, the words thick, heavy.

A crease formed between her brows. “What? Your name is not James?”

The question, so genuine and earnest, pulled a laugh from him; short, almost incredulous. “No. I am James, but…” He ran a gloved hand through his hair, avoiding her eyes.

“But…?” she prompted, leaning in, her attention unwavering.

“My name is James Buchanan Barnes,” he said, each syllable weighted.

For a moment, she was silent. He could see her piecing it together, searching for the meaning behind his words. Then understanding dawned, slow and certain. “You’re…” she began, just as he said, “The Winter Soldier.” But what came from her lips was, “The Avenger.”

They stared at each other, the tension snapping into something fragile, almost surreal. “What?” they both said in unison, the word a mix of disbelief and irony. 

The absurdity of it cracked something inside him, and he laughed; a real, deep laugh that felt like a release. She joined him, their laughter intertwining in a way that felt like a mutual understanding. At the moment, Bucky realised that she didn’t flinch or shrink back. She met him where he was, without hesitation. He felt a pull; unsettling but oddly comforting; and, for a split second, he let himself believe that maybe, just maybe, this could be different.

The humour melted into something more intense as she leaned closer, her hands found his again. “I want this, James,” she whispered, peeling away his glove. She cupped his cool, metal hand, pressing his palm against her cheek. The contrast of warmth against vibranium made his chest tighten. “I want you.” she spoke almost breathlessly; her eyes gazed up at him with an endearing plea.

His eyes darkened with a mix of desire and something much softer, “I want you too,” he said, his voice low, unguarded.

They moved together, shedding barriers with every kiss and touch. When their clothes finally fell away, they explored each other with as much urgency and wonder. Every touch, every movement was deliberate, almost desperate. He wanted to memorise her reactions. He wanted to give as much as he could.

It was raw and consuming, a night spent discovering each other. There was nothing mechanical, nothing detached. For hours, it was just them, bodies moving in unison and their moans and groans of pleasure mingling in a symphony that can challenge a siren’s song.

He found himself lost in her, in the way her skin felt beneath his, in the way she moaned for him. He couldn’t hold back, not when she responded to him with such hunger, her body moving against his with a need that matched his own. 

Every touch felt like a revelation, a new discovery, and he was pulled deeper into her, into the warmth and the rawness of the moment. It was as if time itself had stopped, and all that mattered was the heat of their connection.

When morning came, the light creeping in through the blinds, they lay bashfully, tangled in the sheets. For a few moments, there was only silence, a comfortable quiet punctuated by the slow return of reality. He turned to her, the words were heavy, he knew it, but he continued, “I’m not ready for… anything serious,” he admitted, hating the way it sounded, but knowing he owed her the truth.

She met his gaze, her expression soft and understanding. “That’s okay,” she said. “We don’t need to label it. It can be what it is.”

“Casual?” he asked, a hint of humour back in his voice.

She smiled, a touch of mischief in her eyes. “Casual.”

They both laughed, the sound soft and real. Whatever this was, for now, it was enough.

The next few months, their ‘casual’ arrangement became something she thought about far too often and yet tried to pretend wasn’t pressing too deep. The sex was undeniably great, almost maddeningly so. It wasn’t just the way he touched her, though that alone was enough to steal her breath; the careful, deliberate caresses that made her feel cherished and desired all at once. 

It was the way he explored her as if every inch of her, the weight of his attention, the way he moved with a mix of tenderness and hunger, as if he couldn’t decide whether to worship her or devour her. And maybe that was why it was so intoxicating; because she was falling for him, whether she wanted to admit it or not.

It wasn’t just the physical connection; it was everything in between. She fell for the way he could be painfully serious one moment and then crack the most unexpected joke, a hint of dry humour lighting up his eyes. She fell for the way he made sure her tea was always brewed just the way she liked, even though he claimed to be terrible at domestic things. 

She fell for his unspoken kindness; the way he would slip a blanket over her when she fell asleep on the couch, or his habit of standing protectively between her and crowded places without even thinking about it. It was all so subtle, so Bucky, and it deteriorated her defences bit by bit.

And Bucky on the other hand, tried not to let himself be too vulnerable around her. But Y/N had a warmth that made it hard for him to stay closed off. She didn’t push; she was just; a steady, comforting presence that felt like safety. Sometimes, without meaning to, he’d spill pieces of himself. 

Like the night he told her about Elena; the betrayal, the gaslighting on how she cheated on him because of him; it was his trauma and depression that had driven her away. As if she was trying to make it worse, as if she had a vendetta to isolate him from everyone else. 

And Y/N had listened without judgement, her eyes soft with compassion. “That’s not on you,” she had whispered, her hand covering his. “She was the problem, not you.” When the weight of his past grew too heavy, she was there.

And when she opened up about her own scars; the ex who wouldn’t leave her alone, the fear that lingered in the shadows; Bucky listened, fierce protectiveness hardening his features. That night, instead of touching each other’s body, they caressed each other’s innermost scars. They’d talk late into the night; their words heavy, but never too much for the other to bear.

And ever since their dynamic was a shifting dance, effortlessly dirty and playful one minute, his lips teasing at her neck, their words to each other were dripping with sin. The next, they’d be soft and tender, his forehead pressed to hers as they simply breathed together. And then there were the quiet, deep moments; when silence spoke more than words, and they found comfort just in being close, in the simple act of not being alone. 

It was everything, all tangled together, and it made it so easy, too damn easy, to fall in love with him. She knew she shouldn’t, but with Bucky, it felt inevitable.

Then, one in those blissful days, after another night of incredible sex, Bucky laid beside her, his chest still heavy with the aftermath of their intimacy. His eyes traced the soft curves of her form as she rested, her skin glowing in the dim light. 

She looked almost ethereal; untouchable, like something too perfect for him. The weight of her presence next to him was both comforting and painful, tightening his chest with a longing he couldn’t name. Shifting slightly, he cleared his throat, his voice rough when he finally spoke, the words slipping out before he could stop them. “I’m going back to Elena,” he confessed, the statement hanging heavily in the air. 

For a moment, there was something in his eyes; a flicker of hesitation, of conflict, as if he desperately wanted to hold onto what they had, as if saying the words was a battle he was losing with every breath. 

But whatever war raged within him never fully translated in the way she saw him. To Y/N, his words felt resolute, laced with a kind of tenderness that made it hurt even more. He seemed sorry; deeply, genuinely. But the weight of his decision pressed down between them, undeniable.

She went still for a moment and he could feel the tension radiating from her. The way her body seemed to freeze, her breath caught in her throat. She didn’t respond at first, her gaze distant, focusing somewhere far away as though she needed a moment to process. Bucky’s chest felt heavy with the weight of his own words, the urge to take them back gnawing at him. 

Yet he kept his expression neutral, as if none of this hurt him. He needed to see this through, even if every second felt like he was tearing himself apart. “This…being here with you, touching you like this… this will be the last time,” he added, the sound of his voice was low but remained adamant.

Y/N had always known, somewhere deep down, that this day would come. They had both agreed that what they had was casual, temporary, nothing more than a passing thing. They had agreed their connection was fleeting; simply a series of borrowed moments. But even as she tried to convince herself it was fine, she knew better. 

Nothing about what they shared was truly casual. They’d been there for each other in ways no one else had. When the world had been cruel to him, scrutinising him for his past as the Winter Soldier, she’d been his quiet strength, the one who never judged him, never flinched. And when her own demons resurfaced, casting shadows over her life; he’d been the one there, standing between her and her doom. He had been her rock, just as she had been his. 

They were each other's strength, each other's solace.

'Has it ever really been casual?' But she couldn’t voice those thoughts. She wouldn’t burden him with her feelings when he already carried so much of his own. She wouldn’t beg for more than he could offer. 

With a soft breath, she forced herself to smile, her fingers brushing over his cheek, committing every moment to memory before it slipped away. “Will this make you happy?” she asked, her voice steady, though pain lingered beneath the surface.

Bucky’s heart twisted, but he nodded, the lie coming too easily. “Yes,” he said, his voice lacking conviction even as he tried to seem sure. He averted his eyes, hoping she wouldn’t see past the facade.

Her smile wavered, but she fought to hold it in place. She wanted to show him that she was fine, that she wasn’t falling apart. But as she pressed her smile into place, a single tear slipped from her eye, tracing a quiet path down her cheek. She wiped it away quickly, but it was already there; a silent confession of the pain he couldn’t see.

“Then, I guess this is goodbye,” she whispered, barely audible.

She leaned in, her forehead resting against his, her breath warm against his lips. And then she kissed him; softly, deeply, as if it would be their last.

Because, in this moment, it felt like it was.

The days blurred into weeks, and then months, each one dragging by with a dull ache that Y/N couldn’t shake. She buried herself in work, refusing to let her mind linger on what she’d lost. When that wasn't enough, she picked up freelance gigs; anything that kept her mind too occupied even thought about pain and the aching emptiness Bucky’s absence had left behind. 

It was easier that way; easier to drown in deadlines and endless to-do lists than to confront the hollowness. And through all this time, there were not a single call, or texts from Bucky. Just silence. Rationally, she knew it was for the best. He was a hero, after all; his life pulled him in a thousand different directions. And she told herself she was fine.

But late at night, when the world grew quiet, she could still feel it; the loss that crept into her bones and refused to let go. Most of the time, she'd catch herself staring at the ceiling, replaying the touch of his hand, the sound of his laughter, the way he had looked at her as if she were his whole world, even if just for a moment. She tried to shake it off, to convince herself that it was all just an illusion, but the hole in her chest ached too deeply to ignore.

Time passed. The headlines told of his deeds; how he saved countless lives, how the public finally began to accept him, to see him not just as a relic of violence and pain, but as a hero. She should’ve felt proud. Maybe, on some level, she did. But every article, every broadcast, every mention of him only twisted the knife deeper. 

At times, she’d pause whatever she was doing when his name flashed across the screen. It was a reflex, a sudden, uncontrollable urge to reach for something she could never have. She’d feel her chest tighten, her emotions were a blend of pride and pain. Why did she feel like this, like she wasn’t needed, like she was somehow unwanted by the man who had once looked at her like she was everything?

Even then, she couldn’t help but feel proud. No matter how much it hurts, she was happy for him. She remembered the sleepless nights when his past came alive in nightmares; when he’d thrash and murmur apologies with a voice cracked by guilt. She could still feel the weight of him in her arms as he clung to her in the dark, his breath shuddering against her neck, whispering, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it. I’m sorry.” The memory of it made her chest ache; the rawness of his pain had always cut her deep, but it had also made her want to be his safe place, his haven.

She thought of those nights often. The way he’d hold her as if she were a shield against the ghosts that hunted him, how he’d bury his face in her shoulder to block out the world’s judgement. She’d whispered reassurances, stroked his hair, and wished she could take away every ounce of his pain. Seeing him now, standing tall, saving lives, and slowly being accepted by the world; it filled her with a bittersweet pride. 

He deserved every bit of recognition, every chance to rebuild himself.

But the cost of that pride was the deep loneliness that came with it; the reminder that he was out there saving the world while she was left to save herself from missing him. She wanted to be enough, to be the one he leaned on, but it was clear now that his path led somewhere she couldn’t follow. So she pushed forward, forced herself to be strong, and told herself that being happy for him was enough.

When the crowd at the Central Park continued to roar with excitement, time seemed like it stopped for Bucky and Y/N. And then they were standing in front of one another again, the air between them held a weight, as if every word left unspoken all those nights was pressing against the space between them. Bucky’s eyes flickered; momentarily shocked, yet he didn’t falter. 

Even then, Y/N saw it. She saw the look in his eyes that she knew too well, the look he had when it was just them, wrapped up in stolen hours that no one knew about. She forced a smile, warm and soft, the very same that she used to give him in those silent times, when their skins were pressed against each other, and everything else didn't matter. 

His heart ached with a need he thought he’d buried. He thought he had let her go. He kept telling himself he was not in love, that she was just someone to keep his bed warm, to fill the empty space his past had left behind. At least, that was what he told himself, over and over, like a mantra meant to dull the edges of the truth.

But deep down, he knew it was a lie; a desperate deception crafted to shield him from the vulnerability clawing at his walls. He was not fooling anyone, not himself at least. Each night he spent denying the way his pulse quickened at the thought of her touch, each time he claimed he felt nothing, the thin layer of defence cracked beneath the weight of untold longing. It was easier to lie, to pretend he didn’t care, than to face the reality that she had carved her place inside him, far deeper than he wanted to admit.

Now, seeing her again, smiling at him as if it didn't shatter her heart when he left, it was like he’d been hollowed out. 

And the time that seemingly stopped, abruptly resumed to its pace when they walked past each other. No words crossed their lips, but their eyes spoke a language that was theirs alone; a language that carried echoes of every touch, every laugh, every shared moment.

‘I miss you,’ their gazes whispered, even as the distance between them widened with each step.

They kept walking.

That night, Bucky found himself in front of her apartment. When she opened the door, it was as if she was expecting someone. Not him, but someone. Her breath caught in her throat when she saw him standing there, broad shoulders taut and expression unreadable. 

For a second, neither of them spoke. The sight of her; dressed in a fitted dress that draped elegantly over her figure, accentuating every line and curve, stole the air from his lungs. It was the kind of dress she used to wear when they’d go out on a date, the kind that never failed to send his thoughts swirling in the gutter. No thoughts, just lust. 

She looked stunning. Ethereal even. But, painfully out of reach.

Y/N blinked. Shock, confusion, and hurt flashing in her eyes, as if the memories of what they’d had; and how it ended, came crashing back all at once. “Hey… James. What are you doing here?” she asked, her voice tight and Bucky was never used to it.

He swallowed hard, his eyes drifting to her lips and lingering there longer than he intended. “Out for a date?” he murmured, evading her question, the words tasting like lead.

“Yeah…Kind of.” she replied, guarded. Silence stretched between them, heavy with unsaid things. Finally, he spoke again, his voice a low rasp. “Can I come in?”

She studied him warily, the hurt in her eyes morphing into something sharper. “I don’t know if that’s a good idea, James.”

“Please,” he said, and the desperation in his tone softened her resolve just enough. She stepped aside reluctantly. “You gotta be quick,” she said, almost dismissively. “Josh is on the way.”

The mention of another man’s name was like a knife twisting in his chest. Bucky forced himself to stay still, to not let his expression betray him, but inside, he felt raw, the bitterness coiling deep.

Once inside, she crossed her arms over her chest, a defensive barrier between them. “Talk,” she said flatly.

He paced, trying to find the words. “It wasn’t real,” he started, voice thick. “Me and Elena getting back together; it was a mission. She was suspected of being a mole.” he paused as he studied her reaction, ” We couldn’t risk telling you. We had to make it look real. ”

She stared at him, eyes wide with disbelief, as if trying to grasp the whirlwind of his sudden appearance. “You’re here for that? To explain yourself?” There was incredulity in her voice, mingled with raw, exhausted pain that came from reopening old wounds.

“Yes.” Bucky’s voice was firm but edged with something close to desperation. “We managed to capture her.” He took a deep breath, his gaze searching hers. “We had to keep the mission under wraps, Y/N. We couldn’t risk word getting out… not after what happened with S.H.I.E.L.D. We couldn’t have another Hydra situation, or anything that even looked like it.”

He paused, the tension in his jaw tightening. “It turns out her plan was to isolate me. To make me even more vulnerable than I already am, before they…” His words faltered, heavy and incomplete, as if finishing the sentence would make it all too real. 

But he didn’t need to say more. Y/N’s eyes widened slightly, the realisation clear in her expression. She was smart; too smart not to piece it together. She knew what Bucky feared most. He’d be dragged back into Hydra’s grasp, or worse, used as a pawn by some other twisted organisation. 

It was a fate too cruel to name, and he could see in her eyes that she already understood.

Her brow furrowed, processing everything Bucky had explained thus far. A mixture of confusion and anger flitting across her features. “So that was it?” she demanded. “I was just collateral damage?”

“No,” he said quickly, the word breaking from him like a plea. “No. It wasn’t like that. I wanted to protect you. We all did.” He hesitated, voice dropping to a rough whisper. “I did.”

She scoffed, a bitter edge cutting through her words. “Unbelievable. I smiled at you one time, James—one time—and you think you can just come back into my life like you own it?”

The accusation hung between them, and the depth of her frustration was like a dam bursting. He recoiled slightly, horrified by the thought that he’d hurt her so deeply. “No,” he said quickly, shaking his head. “That’s not what this is. I didn’t want to just—”

She cut him off with a sharp, biting word. “Bullshit!” The accusation hit him like a physical blow, but he pressed on, desperation bleeding into his tone. “I just wanted to tell you the truth,” he said, his voice tight with urgency. “That it was all fake.”

“Fake?” She echoed the word with a harsh, bitter laugh that rang with disbelief. It stung him, sharp as a slap across the face. “It looked pretty damn real to me, James. You don’t think I saw the pictures? The headlines? How you were with her?”

“It was a cover, Y/N. I didn’t have a choice.”

Her eyes flashed, anger and betrayal burning bright. She took a step toward him, as if the weight of her hurt couldn’t be contained. “You didn’t have a choice? You had a choice when you came to me, when you told me it was over. When you ripped my heart out, did you have a choice then?”

Bucky flinched, the impact of her words like a physical blow, but he held his ground. “I was trying to protect you.”

“By hurting me?” Her voice cracked, raw and trembling. “By tearing me apart?”

Silence crashed over them, heavy and suffocating. Her chest heaved, each breath ragged. “By leaving me behind?” she whispered, her words dripping with the weight of every unspoken wound. “By pretending like what we had meant nothing?”

He stepped closer, the space between them suffocating and electric. “It wasn’t nothing,” he said, his voice quivering. “It was everything. You were everything.”

She shook her head, tears slipping down her cheeks unchecked. “I don’t believe you.”

With a trembling hand, Bucky reached for her face, cupping her cheeks as though she were something fragile. His thumb brushed away her tears, his touch reverent, aching. “I love you, Y/N,” he breathed, the confession breaking through the dam of his restraint. “From the start, when we laughed about that ridiculous introduction; me, calling myself the Winter Soldier and you insisting I was an Avenger—I knew it then.”

He swallowed hard, blinking through tears. “But it wasn’t just that. It was how you saw me; not the killer, not the broken man, but me. The way you’d smile at me, like I was worth something. The nights you stayed awake, holding me when I couldn’t breathe, when the nightmares felt too real. The way you’d whisper that I wasn’t alone. No one ever did that for me. No one.”

He paused, the rawness in his expression deepening. “I knew it was too late when I realized I’d been in love with you for a while. It hit me that day at Sally’s, remember?” His voice grew softer, distant with memory. “It was spring. You wore that sundress you bragged about getting for next to nothing at a thrift store. The sunlight made your hair glow, and you laughed at something ridiculous; a dog chasing bubbles, I think. I couldn’t stop looking at you. It wasn’t just the dress or the moment. It was the way you made everything feel… lighter. Like I could breathe again. Like the past didn’t own me.”

He let out a shaky breath, his thumb tracing along her jawline. “I realized then that I was in deep. That it was more than just a moment. And it terrified me, because I thought I’d ruin it. Ruin you.” His voice cracked, weighted with a mix of love and regret.

His shoulders shook as he let out a ragged breath, the tears spilling over. “It’s the way you laugh, the way you fight for everyone you care about. How you make me feel like I’m more than my past… God, I tried so hard to keep you safe. Even if it meant pushing you away. But it killed me, Y/N. Every day.”

She stared at him, stunned and raw, her own tears falling. His hands cradled her face gently, his touch trembling. “I love you,” he said again, more desperately. “I love you for every moment you gave me hope when I thought I couldn’t be saved. I love you for being there, even when I didn’t deserve it. And I don’t want to lose you again.”

He leaned in, their faces inches apart, his tears mixing with hers as he whispered, “I’m so sorry. For everything.”

She closed her eyes, letting his words wash over her, feeling the sincerity in every broken syllable. For a heartbeat, it seemed she would turn away. But then, her voice cracked, trembling with everything she’d buried. “I love you too,” she breathed, voice shaking. “I never stopped.”

His forehead touched hers, their breaths mingling, raw and vulnerable. Slowly, their lips met, soft at first, then deeper, a kiss that spoke of everything they had denied and everything they still longed for. In each other’s touch, everything else faded, leaving only the truth between them.

End.

Read my other works here: Masterlist

A/N: i was planning to do a descriptive smut scene at first, but after piecing everything from my draft and re-reading the overall flow, i don't think it's suitable to include it in this. perhaps another time, a side/extra story maybe. i hope y'all okay with that and enjoy your reading 🥺

[neverthatsirius-jo]

1982, JAPAN'S QUIDDITCH WORLD CUP.

summary — in which james' biggest safety hazard on the quidditch field is not the bludgers but being in love with you.

content — james potter x fem!reader, fluff

word count — ~800

a/n — me posting five days after i said i would never write again and privated all my works: 🤡. thank you @foodiegoogie for reading this before i post <3 (go read her fics, i recommend). no pun in the title this time folks. terrible.

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅

“You’re so stupid.”

You drag the piece of cotton lathered in rubbing alcohol across the considerable gash that covered the length of his left cheek almost entirely. He winces and you have to bite your lip to try and not laugh.

“I think you mean romantic.” He grabs your hips, getting you closer to where he is, sitting on the counter of the hotel room’s bathroom you were in. It was the fifth hotel room you had been in the past month, while you were following him around Japan, where the Quidditch world cup was being hosted that year.

“No, I mean stupid.”

He sticks out his tongue in response.

The grand final, Japan vs. England—the team James had worked his arse off to get into for years—and he’d managed to get injured in the last couple of minutes of the game, rendering him useless for the rest of it and part of the celebrations. He’d had no time to sulk about it; they’d won anyways, and his performance across the several other matches had been nothing short of phenomenal. The media unanimously agreed on that end. The whole of England too, save for a few pretentious gits that desperately needed to set themselves apart from the rest.

“People are allowed to have an opinion, love,” he’d said when you’d finished your rant against them, red in the face.

“Well, not that one.”

The incident plays in your mind again, and now that you’re not worried about his safety you can laugh about it. You don’t, though, instead biting your lip to prevent it. Excited and proud of your boyfriend for scoring—for the who-knows-th time, you’d honestly lost count—, you had yelled his name and waved your arms to get his attention. And gotten his attention you had; he let go of his broom to form a heart with his hands, letting you know he had dedicated the play to you.

You tried warning him about the goalpost he was dangerously approaching but it had been too late and the crowds cheering drowned out your voice. Not that you were close enough for him to hear anyway. He crashed, hitting the side of his head, and fell off his broom. Merlin knows it could have been much worse if one of his teammates hadn’t grabbed him before he hit the ground.

You’d run to take care of a very disoriented James, who kept trying to joke with the mediwizards—keyword being trying; you are still pretty sure nothing that came out of his mouth made sense—, in one of the medical tents they had for such cases.

‘The culprits that make you end up here are usually bludgers, not pretty girls’ James told you, laying on a makeshift bed, slurring his words but seemingly in a moment of lucidity. You grabbed his hand that was poking around your face and caressed it with your thumb.

That was precisely why you now found yourself at five a.m. cleaning his wounds and changing the plasters on his face after the bar celebrations.

You felt guilty, no matter how much he assured you there was no reason for you to feel that way. You were glad he didn’t seem to care one bit that he had been totally out of it—product of whatever potion they gave him to keep him going for the time being and dispatch him quickly—the moment England raised the cup, celebrating their victory.

“You didn’t like my heart?” He pouts exaggeratedly, lowering his face to find your gaze, now completely focused on the placement of the plaster.

“I’m more fond of your head staying in one piece.” You get his face back to its previous position, acting annoyed. “And in place, please and thank you.”

Once finished with the plaster, you grab his head with both hands and plant a kiss on top of it.

“It’ll heal faster,” you mutter before placing another peck, this time on his lips.

“Oh, yeah?” He quirks an eyebrow, his smile widens. “You should be a mediwitch.”

You pretend to think about it for a second and nod in agreement. You stand there staring at the other for a few seconds—you mainly checking if you have missed any wounds—before he throws his head back and groans.

“What is it?”

“Sirius will never let me hear the end of it,” he lifts himself off the counter, and kneels to pick up the wrappers and pieces of cotton he’d dragged with him.

“He should try hitting his head every once in a while, maybe then he will break a scoring record like the ‘promising rising star James Potter’,” you quote the article he’d run to show you last week, the day after the first match.

He laughs as you get out of the bathroom, both of your arms around each other’s waist, and you leaning on him. England, fans and journalists alike, could try to claim him for themselves all they wanted but he was, at the end of the day, unequivocally and solely yours.

thank you for reading, reblogs and replies are always appreciated <3

back to masterlist

[curiositysavesthecat]

Do you hate people whose moral compass/beliefs/political views/etc do not align with yours?

A. Yes, I hate them because I believe their opinions define who they are as a person / I believe they are bad people who hate people like me and that they also want to harm people like me. Therefore I hate them

B. No, I don’t hate them. I hate their opinions, but I don’t hate them as a person because I think they are more than their opinions and that they genuinely believe what they believe is the right thing that will save/protect people (including people like me)

Edit, from the mods, since people seem to think this poll talks about the current u.s. politics: the poll actually isn’t about politics specifically but mostly about “moral values” in general. It was sent to us several months ago, we queued it and it happened to go public just now, so it’s either “bad timing” or “good timing”, considering the current situation. But the poll is more about the vaguely moral compass in general than it is about politics specifically.

This poll was submitted to us and we simply posted it so people could vote and discuss their opinions on the matter. If you’d like for us to ask the internet a question for you, feel free to drop the poll of your choice in our inbox and we’ll post them anonymously (for more info, please check our pinned post).

[adollwritesblog]

Edit: I just want to start with saying that nothing about this has to do with OP and I don't want to attack anyone. As with Southpauz, I too am not okay right now and needed to breathe out my opinion. Most people support progressive ballots and measures. Even 57% of people who voted in FLORIDA wanted to bring back abortion rights (https://www.nytimes.com/2024/11/05/us/florida-abortion-ballot-measure.html) . Progressive policies were popular all across the nation (on abortion: https://www.npr.org/2022/05/06/1096676197/7-persistent-claims-about-abortion-fact-checked) (on minimum wage: https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2021/04/22/most-americans-support-a-15-federal-minimum-wage/) (on medicare for all: https://www.citizen.org/article/public-support-for-medicare-for-all/). Hell, most people support trans folks!!! (https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2022/06/28/americans-complex-views-on-gender-identity-and-transgender-issues/)

Kamala Harris did not convey any of her progressive policies to her voters. She was cowardly and her messaging was extremely ineffective.

When asked about trans rights, she said "We should follow the law" (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AbVPee2UdJk) .

"When asked about Palestine, she said, "Isreal has the right to defend itself" (https://theweek.com/politics/kamala-harris-israel-gaza-policy).

When asked about immigration, she said, "Protect the border" (https://www.nbcnews.com/investigations/trump-harris-border-wall-arizona-rusting-2021-rcna173094).

In saying all of this ridiculous "centrist" shit, she LOST 20 million votes (Biden got 81 million votes, Harris got 60 million) (https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/wireStory/fact-focus-multimillion-vote-gap-2020-2024-fuels-115586026).

There is not a sudden change in what people believe in. For instance, most people do not want mass deportation (https://www.vox.com/2024-elections/379883/mass-deportations-trump-harris-polling-immigration-border) (when presented between granting citizenship and mass deportation, most people say citizenship). This might be surprising, given the candidate who won is a huge advocate for this, but the dems DID NOT PROVIDE AN ALTERNATIVE (see above). (Or, at least, they did not convey effectively that they were an alternative).

Whether you agree with people withholding their votes for whatever reason or not (I personally believe people should vote no matter what, but people will do what people will want to do), it is the job of the democratic party to work to earn their votes. On just about every issue, the Democrats were fucking abysmal in this front. The only economic policy that they would convey was the $50,000 for start-up small businesses, and most people don't give a rats fuck about that (https://www.forbes.com/sites/antoniopequenoiv/2024/09/04/harris-proposes-50000-small-business-tax-deduction-for-startup-expenses-heres-what-to-know/) (at least, I know I don't).

I understand that people are scared and frustrated. I am too. But the democratic party has been dropping the fucking ball for the past 12 years, ever since Obama, and I'm tired of people being blind to this. ESPECIALLY since the democrats keep pushing themselves further and further to the RIGHT. Already, they are discussing abandoning trans rights to appeal to the "centrist" voter (https://www.msnbc.com/opinion/msnbc-opinion/democrats-transgender-rights-harris-election-rcna179148).

The whole "vote-blue-no-matter-who" is idealistic and ruining the party because no body cares to hold these cowards accountable. And the media has also definitely fucked things up tremendously, I agree with that. All that the democrats did was run the "harm reduction" campaign, which is rarely an effective motivator to get people out to vote. My source for this is the way the democrats have used this strategy for the past 12 years and only barely eeked out Trump in 2020, (I think it was like 12,000 popular votes?) and that was mainly because of Trump's horrible mishandling of a global pandemic.

Most of Trump's policies are not popular. But Trump, unlike Harris, actually conveys a message to people, a message for change. The Dems keep trying to go for maintaining the current order, and NOBODY FUCKING WANTS THAT. WE WANT CHANGE!

I'm not mad at anyone who are feeling frustrated by everyone around them. It looks really scary right now, and I sympathize with that. But just please, please, please understand that it is the job of the democratic party to appeal to voters to get their votes, and when they don't do that, they fucking lose and we pay the price!! Leftists have every right to vote how they please, whether you agree with their views or not. Hopefully people will learn from this that bullying people into voting for your candidate is not effective and only stews resentment between groups with common interests. If you want leftists to vote for your candidate, give them policies that the candidate will do that will directly benefit their lives. The dems think they can abandon the left, but then they get less and less turn out. I'm sick and tired of people blaming leftists for having boundaries with politicians. The dems gambled not getting these votes, lost them, and lost the election. If the leftists are so necessary to win the election, do LITERALLY ANYTHING to get their votes.

It is time we stop blaming voters and start holding our representatives accountable for their stupidity and blindness.

[tinypnut]

Okay, so I will be making an official review of Veilguard after I have a moment to digest everything, but I do have one thing I wanna say right now.

I’ve seen people say it’s not dark, or tragic which has been a staple for DA games in the past and as a veteran DA enjoyer, I can say I do not feel the same. I feel like Veilguard is pretty dark and tragic if you look at it as a whole.

Keep in mind, these are purely my own opinions on this and everyone is entitled to their own views and opinions on how they view the game

::spoilers below::

As someone who has played all three Dragon Age games and now finished veilguard, I found it to be dark. The world is ending (again) there’s technically a double blight, southern thedas is almost in ruin, Denerim was lost, Orlais has fractured and Rook is doing what they can to try and piece things together. No matter how you play your rook comedic, positive, stern, the overall outlook of what was happening was an utter shit show for those who had to live through it. I will agree that veilguard missed the mark in multiple ways but saying it’s not dark is not entirely accurate.

I’m a sucker for good cinematography and voice acting and such things (for me) really hit their mark in this one, and I went into veilguard with a pretty mediocre bar in terms of how good it was gonna be and I found the delivery of lines to be phenomenal in terms of conveying emotion of hopelessness, anger, compassion, comedy. To me it felt more natural, more real. I found myself hurting for those who were put into a loose loose situation because more often than not there tough decisions that needed to be made and lead to not great outcomes.

Example A: you have to sacrifice a whole city

Minrathus: strategicly, it would be a bad idea to sacrifice due to the venatori as well as if your rook is a shadow dragon, that’s their home

Traviso: doesn’t have a standing military and thus innocent lives will be pretty much sacrificed

If those two choices aren’t dark and or tragic I don’t know what would be, either way innocent people are caught in the crossfire and loss of life with be astronomical.

Oh and let’s not forget you essentially have to decide which of your companions will die, which one gets kidnapped and blighted and if not all your companions have unlocked hero of the veilguard they stand a pretty high chance of dying in the final 3 chapters as well as making sure designating who works with what faction in the last two chapters because if you choose wrong or they haven’t unlocked hero of the veilguard you in total stand a risk of loosing 3 companions.

Again these are just very basic examples off the top of my head and I know I am taking too much time to critique this but we are each entitled to our own opinions

[shaunashipman]

Honestly, I feel kind of dumb because I was so sure after 8.05 that Tommy would be around for longer.

I haven’t really cared that Oliver hasn’t liked or posted anything about the ship. But my feeling right now is that he really wanted to be liked for the storyline and when the loudest and most hateful fans didn’t like it, he didn’t care all that much.

Even with the breakup, his tone in the interview before and were disrespectful to all the people who loved BuckTommy, and felt represented by it. He could just have said some nice things just for the sake of it.

The one person that comes out looking good is Lou, who obviously cared so much about it all. If they ever ask him to come back I hope he tells them No.

you're not dumb, the show lied to you. it didn't need to do the cemetery scene like that to make the audience care about the relationship so it would hurt more. they could have actually foreshadowed the break-up, in any way.

i was giving oliver the benefit of the doubt, and also was of the opinion that it didn't matter if he wasn't super invested in the story personally, like other actors in canon ships have sometimes hated each other. but i didn't realize he was actively trying to get the story axed.

i don't know why he wanted the story gone—he could have just not agreed to it if he didn't want it—but rn i'm running with that he didn't like that tommy and lou were getting so much attention in it, which like, he could have got attention too if he bothered to engage with fans other than the ones who has to call out for lying about him and who harass him.

the GA was finally liking his stories again after being bored of him through s5&6, and he torpedoed that, why?

lou comes out looking like an angel here, who was clearly wronged by the show

[28ms28]

MY Rating of F1 drivers based on their personality(more sway) and their track presence and racing

1. Charles Leclerc

(Track Menace who is also Pookie Bear) (unintentionally funny) (just an inchident) (canonically listens to sad songs after bad races) (piano man was at some point higher in the iTunes chart than at the actual championship standings) (clueless cringefail loser) (Ice-cream man) (14 year old Max Verstappen's nightmare) (best qualifier on the grid imo) (idk something about someone who is on course for achieving greatness and will not stop until he achieves it no matter the cost, something about so much sacrifices for something he got soo close to achieving something that did not work out in the end something about how he devotes himself to Ferrari like no one else could before him something about how fate chose him to be in that seat something about how he made it look easy something about how it looked like the way was paved for him something red red red idk something about web weaving) (dogdad) (we love Leo) (went to Lewis Hamilton school of naming his dog after his rival) (oh and dreams about community services with said rival) (very strong mental health and even bigger therapy bills) (did i mention he's il predestinato of the tifosi) (biggest Ferrari fan) (only one who knows how to race max verstappen) (he was an ankle biting child see any photos of his childhood as proof) (everybody is maxplaining victim he's a maxplaining enjoyer) (suffers from middle child syndrome) (Seb's Ferrari child) (committed parricide on Sebastian Vettel in 2019 and 2020)

2. Max Verstappen

(pookiest pookie to ever pookie, track lion, big brother, catdad, certified victim ,about to be 4 time world champ, deserves so much more love, so so so incredibly talented, he's just a shy boy your honour ,free my man he did all of it but yeah vibes, because I'm dutch, fifa legend(just online), Danny kvyat has nightmares about him, geography nerd, has zero skills in any other physical sport, is planning to become a sim racer, tu tu tu du max verstappen (fun lore about Max did you know this guy was ranked 21st in the world in ultimate fifa in 2018(or was it 2016?? Doesn't matter) like can you imagine being that insane like bro you are a f1 driver in a top team like pls ??) (community service enjoyer) (certified yapper) (is terrified of fuel stations(jos verstappen when I catch you) ) (#1 lecfosi) (cringefail loser and he knows it) (teammate destroyer) (has read every rule in the rulebook and knows how to break every rule in the rulebook legally ofc all legally) (Seb's redbull child) (on his way to break every single one of Seb's record just to spite the old man)

(And is friends with an old Austrian man somehow)

3. Oscar Piastri

(Pookie bear, Mark Webbers child that has Sebastian Vettel's evil aura (Mark you will never know peace), koala, polite cat, eldest sibling energy, Android lover, Carlos Sainz's nightmare gremlin, loves cricket(cannot play well bless his heart), #1 lestappen shipper(I respect that) is also somehow the eldest of the lestappen children(his granddads are Webbanso) ) ( Him and Fernando have plotted the downfall of alpine) (I have a feeling he hates Zak brown deep down which I agree with) (grill the grid champ(like I said aura of Seb Vettel))

4. George Russell

(British individual(derogatory), king of radio messages (oh crikey), has an evil aura which is probably why he gets along with Nando, makes amazing powerpoints(facts!!), head of the gdpa and he takes it V.E.R.Y seriously probably the admin to the f1 driver group chat, part-time driver part-time strategist, he's a better driver than people give him credit for unpopular opinion but I think he can be a wdc or least a close wdc contender if given the right car I think if he was in lando's car in 2024 he probably would have taken the fight to max idk about winning but he's for sure no easy breeze, f3 and f2 wdc too, very memefiable or wotever the word is) ( T pose)(t.a.l.l.)(one sweaty boi)

5. Carlos Sainz

(Spanish chilli, smooth operator, dog lover, says bye to his racing career after 2024( no wait let me tell you something let me finish let m- *shot*), certified zoning out( Carlos has been called to the stewards), Lewis Hamilton hater prolly, certified Fred vassuer hater, poor guy really he leaves whenever a team is getting good like come on, has had very good teammates and has been friends with them, in 2025 will become the third person in history to have raced for Ferrari, McLaren and Williams, I feel like he lacks a bit of aggressiveness in his racing like he operates smoothly and intelligently sure but yk you should have a bite yk )(whenever he finds this said bite and aggressiveness it's usually against his teammate I'm noticing you Carlos I'm noticing)( loves Lando Norris, golf master but humble about it, Maria Karey, one of the mature drivers on the grid, excellent at all sports, James aeiou has a crush on him, Lana del Ray coded, him and max were torro rosso nepo babies).

6. Lewis Hamilton

(7-time world champion, goat behaviour, was friends with P Diddy, rich cool wine aunt, #blessed, fashionista, Hammertime, Fernando Alonso's nightmare gremlin, don't ever mention 2016 in front of him, is haunted by Nico Rosberg, is neighbours with Nico Rosberg, will avoid Greece for the rest of his life, had a very public divorce, thus vegan, Silverstone 2008 you will always be famous, this Barbie is an f1 driver, still we rise guys, Toto Wolff and David Croft will sacrifice their bloodline for him, certified Micheal Massi hater, certified Bottas lover, we love him and Seb being the activists on the grid, this is getting manipulated man, did not survive Abu Dhabi 2021, did not survive Abu Dhabi 2016, has had caps thrown at him, Left family for Italian mafia, uncle I beg you please get your qualifying form back pls pls, is embarrassed by #teamlh and you cannot convince me otherwise, has let 2 baddies named Nico slip from him, ISS THAT GLOCK???, Bono my tyres are gone)

7. Lando Norris

(twitch streamer first f1 driver second, McLaren boy, hates papaya rules, has been multi21nd, mental health has been made very public by his own goddamn team, party-boy and DJ, fakes knowing how to play COD and Fortnite, very consistent racing good for him, terrified of first laps and poles, best friends with last laps and fastest laps(let's go Lando), shit at golf and geography but it's okay he makes up for it by being funny, probably misses being Carlos's teammate, but like Carlos lacks a bit of aggressiveness that is required, McLaren PR's nightmare gremlin, opposite of polite cat, has somehow managed to anger every fanbase and his car is the sole reason for the unification of RedBull, Ferrari and Mercedes, has been dealing with the wrath of Australia since 2021, at the end of the day just a curly haired guy ).

8. Fernando Alonso

(Spanish devil , Disney villain ahh character, 2005 and 2006 world champ, is looking for his 33rd win, Michael Schumacher's nightmare gremlin, grumpy old man first f1 driver second, lance lover(rare), Lawrence stroll's sugar baby, fast, prime Alonso I am scared of you, goat behaviour, holds a special grudge against McLaren and Lewis Hamilton(Alonso is sick of his ass), no more radio for the rest of the race, believes in karma, has dated Taylor swift apparently but is in love with Mark Webber( Jenson button is also somewhere in there), is known as El padre and has an el plan(everyone should be afraid), racecraft out of this world, 2005 Suzuka you will always be famous, all de time you have to leave da space, Alonso radio my love, aggressive but good racing the likes of which I have never seen and probably never will, what do mean by "I knew he'd brake earlier because he has 2 kids and a wife at home" like who says that what what??, worse career decisions than Ferrari strategies, bad luck so much bad luck, so chaotic so much chaos, has adopted Oscar and has plotted the downfall of alpine with him, Flavio haunts him, do not bring up Singapore 2008 in front of him especially not if Felipe Massa is present there, has driven the 2014 Ferrari and has not recovered from it, has outlasted Renault in formula one (wild), give Fernando Alonso 5 more points and he would be a 5 time wdc (even more wild), bye bye I'm still the bad guy)

9. Alex Albon

(alabonoo) ( bff with George Russell) ( is bullied by George Russell) (golf wag first f1 driver second) ( James aeiou has a favourite and it's Alex Albon) ( Alex really said I'm Thai first and a colonizer second and good for you Alex) (2020 Alex and 2022 onwards Alex are different people okay?) ( he's a consistent racer much like Lando but he makes mistakes more often, under pressure working is not his forte sorry pals but it had to be said) ( he's a really nice dude tho and really funny as well ) ( dude has a Chipotle member card as one of his essentials and you tell me I'm not supposed to love him come on be reasonable)(he has his own zoo he's a certified pet owner) ( if I had the money for that amount of pets I would do the same Alex I get it ) (also he's a Ferrari fan so you just know bro is always on hopium) (I think he gets put under the radar often but he's great) ( he seems to be a chill dude imo)(we both love lily)

10. Nico Hulkenberg

(German but like in a cool way) ( has been giving dad energy before he was a dad) ( called Hulk but is probably the calmest person on the grid) ( give my man Bruce Banner his podium nah it's not even funny anymore he deserves so much better than that) ( he's won le mans on his first try yk give him the Redbull seat for godsakes) (Nico is so cheeky like I know he's a gen x or something but like I see the genz potential yk) (Audi better have a car good enough for a podium I swear to god if we say bye to him before a podium I'm uhm I'm uh I'm gonna cry).

11. Yuki Tsunoda

(anime boi) (wants a restaurant before he wants a world championship and I respect that Yuki) (has an evil aura) (certified hothead because he's a certified good chef) (has the bitch spirit to be a Redbull driver but is not. because of Horner issues) (Yuki does make the occasional mistakes but like he's far better than the alt no?) (in the words of Yuki "idk man wotever") (too much anger for too small body) (is in love with Pierre Gasly) (is bullied by Pierre Gasly) (everybody loves Yuki even Nando is a fan)(tbf nandos a fan of anyone who has an evil aura) (people are terrified of Yuki radio as they rightfully should be) (Yuki is nightmare gremlin of every race engineer).

12. Pierre Gasly

(French but like from the north of France)(known for being French and Max Verstappen's teammate thus known for being fucked over by Redbull, also known for his revenge win in Monza) ( he's just a great driver like if given the right car he can fight at the top and win he's not on Max and Charles level yet but I feel like around George and better than Lando) ( he's also a good qualifier maybe it has something to do with speaking French who knows but yeah amazing what he can do in that shit alpine) (unfortunately he has a severe case of resting bitch face but he's very nice actually unless you are Esteban then he's not very nice) (yeah he also has the brocedes case of childhood best friends turned enemies but like French and he's very much Lewis in that way which means he would much rather ignore estie bestie than talk about him e.v.e.r while estie brings up his bestie Pierre wherever he can like Nico)( oh and he loves one Japanese boi)(pierreeee gasllyyyyy)

13. Kevin Magnussen

(Kmag the Viking) (my god nobody races like kmag lol) Okay so maybe I put him this high because he's a track terror to everyone but like watcha want me to do? Not acknowledging kmag's great defending is a crime, he is here to cause menace no matter how many penalty points he gains or races he's banned from he's really coming for Ocon's penalty points honour tbh. Shame really that this is his last season... just when things got interesting *sigh* (off the track he's a chill girldad) (hulk and kmag had an enemies-to-lovers story arc and I think that's beautiful)

14. Esteban Ocon

(he's French, he's from Normandy in France which is the north of France so you just know he was a bored child) (he and Pierre were bored babies) (which is probably why he races the way he does lol) (5-second penalty for Ocon) (no but seriously this guy has mad potential but also he's a mad teammate killer and not in a good way) (he has made a way for himself in formula one and he belongs here it's just that maybe if he tried targeting people other than his teammates he would make it much easier for himself) (he's a very cheerful person irl) (big Marvel fan) (gives very early teenage boy vibes) (softie at heart) (cannot for the life of him pronounce squirrel)(oh he also loves lance(rare)) (Estie bestie is on the podium babyyy)

15. Daniel Riccardo

(Aussie Aussie Aussie Oi oi oi ) (damn Daniel) (it's not tears it's athlete sweat ) (I mean I knew it was time to go but still it didn't have to be this way it's okay tho Danny is enjoying retirement and dirt bikes) (yeah the performance was just not there for Danny boi not that we could see it anyway because of vcarbs shit strategy or whatever they call it) (I miss prime Daniel he was such an annoyance to Sebastian)(2014 Daniel took the Australian revenge on Seb for his crimes against Mark Webber) (but yeah Daniel you go out of this sport with lots of love and a fastest lap)(ki ki aye)

16. Valtteri Bottas

(Finnish when he was in Mercedes but is officially Australian since then) ( Bottas more like Bott-ass get what I mean) (I mean that he has a weird obsession with his gluteus maximus) (Valtteri pls I beg you stop this behaviour) (10 time Grand Prix winner Valtteri has nightmares about James aeiou) (Valtteri it's James) (he's pretty chill all he cares about is racing, cyclist girlfriend, and his mullet+moustache(not necessarily in that order)) also here's a sad fact since Valtteri won't be on the grid next year it would be the first time a Finnish racer is not in the grid since 1989 yeah everybody is waiting for Robin Raikkonen now.

17. Sergio Perez

(Checo damn man what happened) (no 2 Redbull driver curse got to checo) (he was doing so good in racing point like Sakhir 2020 my beloved last to first, man what a performance that was) (he is capable of doing such great things but nooo bro gets knocked out in q1 more than he has reached q3) (Redbull killed the dawg in him man) (certain Austrian man haunts his nightmares and no it's not Niki Lauda) (he and Logan are the nightmare gremlins for mechanics)(even when he performs it's usually in no human right countries so he's not really helping the allegations) ( this poor Latina I swear to god) (he can't drive and he's up and about with other women(Taylor swift 1989 reference) aye aye aye(checo go home to your wife and children).

18. Logan Sargeant

(American) (bald eagle noises) (collective groan of William mechanics) (sorry logie bear)(James aeiou shall face the wrath of Jenson button it's ok) (first American to score points in f1 since 1993 that's 30 years so yaaay!!) (American history will be kind to you Logan)(not sure about f1 history tho) (your last gift to us was a sick ass album cover and I respect it) (if only he knew what a kilometre was * sigh*)(bye bye miss American pie).

19. Zhou Guanyu

(China boy) (another alpine escapee) (Zhou I'm sorry but you're not him anymore) (I miss pre-Silverstone 2022 Zhou where has my dawg gone man) (Zhou may not be as good of a racer now but he makes it up by being a fashionista) (tbf to him that Sauber stake monstrosity is not really helpful so) (also he is a catdad and had an emo phase through f3) (He's the first Chinese to ever race in f1 I think he's done his country proud) (He's also a proud Valtteri lover)

Okay so rookies next I did not include them here well because they have had like on avg 4 races soo

1. Oliver bearman

(ollie) (what a wonderful job he has done my god) (p7 in Jeddah on a day's notice wow dude) (he's driving for Haas in 2025 and his teammate is Esteban so that's..great (my condolences!! ifykyk)) also points in Baku after he passed his teammate (tell me you are a lestappen child w/o telling me you're a lestappen child) what I've seen from him I can tell he's very relentless that's good(also he's the most employed unemployed person ever) (also I heard people criticising him by commenting on his current f2 season like babe did u see his rookie f2 season?? that's why he's here not because of this year but last year and he's not doing bad this year it's just the car is shit but yeah he was at one point higher in the f1 standings than in f2 so I get why people are confused lol) (also he's super likeable very Genz very demure very mindful) (Ferrari has grown him in a lab with utmost care so he's very much a PR baby)

(oh yeah also he's in love with Kimi Antonelli) (yeah they are being genz lestappen)

2. Franco Colapinto

(Frankie baby) (Argentinian and very proud) (is very funny) (is also very genz) (sent James aeiou into a crisis by doing a better job than Alex Albon) (scored 4 times the amount of points than his predecessor in his 2nd race) (looks like Senna goes for the gap like Senna( in racing!! in racing!! calm down man)) (he deserves his place in f1 next year my god) (like the racecraft he has shown is very impressive I'm impressed and so is very f1 team even if he does not get the seat next year I doubt people are gonna forget about him believe me he will be in the talks still) (like I said he's not even had a full f2 season when he was called in for Williams and yet the incredible pace he has shown is fantastic) (has all the 30+ aged drivers enthralled with him and I don't blame them I would be too) (also he refers to Ocon as the Frenchman so where do I submit my stan card??) (oh and he has been adopted by Max Verstappen)

3. Liam Lawson

(aka New Zealand's revenge on Australia) (he did a fantastic job in 2023 and has been doing a fantastic job in 2024) (his idol is Lighting McQueen.....so now that everybody knows that he's Genz you can probably understand why he is beefing with Nando and Checo(boomers) (I think he drives aggressively but not as smoothly he is yet to find a balance it looks like but hey it's working out for him no?) (honestly just give either him or Yuki the Redbull seat) (off the track he's quite an expressive person but I don't think we have seen much of his personality he's friendly for sure and I mean he's a cars fan like come on he's a Pixar kid) (idk something about him says yeah I'm Genz but I still go on Facebook) (not that it's bad not saying the vibes are bad just Liam show more personality).

So that's pretty much it let me kno-what ? what do you mean I forgot someone oh lance stroll?? yeah no I didn't forget(I wish) I just have nothing to say really.

PLS READ these rankings are in my opinion and my opinion only please be kind to me this ranking is for humorous and comedic purposes only no hate to anyone!!

[haunting-my-bones]

THIS!!! We dont owe society anything we shouldn't have to hide ourselves because its "bad" or "scary" we deserve to be open about things and not lie about our lives just to please the rest of the world, the only times we should ever have to lie is for safety and even then we should be safe no matter what. Dont listen to anyone, dont take shit from anyone, if they dont like it then who fuckign cares. And of course this all goes for opinions too, to be completely honest idc what your opinions are whether i disagree, agree or am just neutral about it i dont care because its your opinion just say it!! Dont hide your thoughts or feelings about things, like i said dont take shit from anyone dont let people put you down or invalidate you and your experiences!!!

Stop hiding and be yourselves ❤

We deserve to exist

We dont deserve to be hidden for our entire lives

Be Openly Scary

Society is scared of a lot of things it shouldn't be. A lot of those things can't be helped, a lot of those things don't hurt anyone, and a lot of those things are not what people even think they truly are.

So you know what?

Talk about your hallucinations, your delusions, your psychotic symptoms. Share things about your gender identity whether it be nonconforming, trans, xenogender or anything else. Scream about your nonhumanity and animal urges. Be open and unwavering about your systems existence, presenting as more-than-one wherever you want. Use and introduce your pronouns, even if people find them weird or offputting. Rock back and forth, pace, twitch and stim in any way you please. Wear things that reflect your identity in public. Get tattoos and body mods to your heart's content. Tell people about your personality disorders.

Don't make yourself small because others can't handle you. Be open where safe. Be you. Be scary.

[loki-erlking]

I understand where you're coming from with that post and obviously battleground states matter the most of all. But the truth is that any state could flip depending on how many people choose to vote. There have been historic red or blue states that flip and can change the outcome of an election. And truth be told, I'm in a deep red state where a lot of Republicans have told me they didn't vote because it was going to be red anyway so there was no point standing out in the cold when it wouldn't matter. Imagine how many of those people are on either party, and what could happen if enough of them sat out and enough of the opposing side stepped up then any state could flip. It's not likely but it's not impossible. And with the extremely low democratic voter turn out in comparison to 2020, it was absolutely up to people to vote blue to swing the election and because they didn't. We once again have Donald Trump as president. Especially people who did not show up to vote (because they chose not to obviously, not because they were unable to for legitimate reasons) it's absolutely their fault we're in this situation because the Republicans were going to vote for the fascist, and people didn't do what they could to stop that fascist from winning

Aye, I see your point, I do. And on a certain level I agree with it. But I also know what I physically see in my home state of MN.

When I say that it was completely red outside of the 2 main metro areas, that is not a joke. I've lived in the metro for the past 5 years now, and the people here are much more diverse and socially aware of the problems that plague this country. But I also grew up in the sticks up north before that. For the 2016 and 2020 elections all I saw where Trump signs. All I heard customers talking about while I served them food was how much they love Trump and he is gonna save America. And most of these people where older folks, farmers, etc... and it still didn't matter. MN was always gonna be blue. As it has been for the past 52 years. So in my home state, knowing people, even relatives who voted for Trump, 3rd party, or not at all. I don't feel angry with them, because even though Trump won, they personally didn't make it happen. Our 10 electoral votes went to Kamala.

For the states that went red though like Texas, and down in the Bible belt. (A place that I honestly can't view without biased due to northern pride) I'm sure that tons of educated and caring people went out and voted Blue. But in those places, racism, bigotry, misogyny, homophobia and transphobia run rampant. I personally never expected them to be anything other than red.

No it's the swing states that are to blame in my opinion. They could have changed things and they didn't.

So in conclusion (for me) I feel no anger towards the red voters in my state as their votes didn't matter. And I feel sorrow and pitty for the blue voters in the Red states for the same reason, and I pray to the old gods that yall most at risk are able to take measures to protect yourselves and your loved ones.

[introvertedandscared]

i was recently given a writing prompt simply titled 'blue' on an online forum i use, and wanted to try my hand at doing something for it.

i'm actually really proud of it- i dont know if its my best work, it always feels that way after i make something new, but it was really therapeutic to write and hey, practice makes perfect. ill never be any good if i dont work towards it.

this piece is an expression of my gender and identity, told through a narrative perspective. most of these events are either heavily fictionalised or not actual events in my life, and i'm unsure if the main character is actually me or not, but it is heavily related to my personal thoughts, feelings, and history.

its about 959 words, a short read, enjoy! and keep an eye out for more writing on this blog if you liked this ദ്ദി(｡•̀ ,<)~✩‧₊

Blue

My favourite shirt is blue. Not a bright, attention-catching blue, but a soft one. Like blue hydrangeas. That’s not why it’s my favourite—I don’t even like the colour blue all that much—but it’s what everyone notices about it. When my mother comes into my room and asks for the laundry, she’ll point out ‘the blue one that you wear all the time’. When my friends and I are coordinating our Halloween plans, they ask to borrow my blue shirt for their costume. My brother will tell me that my blue shirt has somehow ended up in his closet. I’ve come to think of it more as a title than anything else. My Blue Shirt. All words capitalised, because they are important.

The reason it’s my favourite shirt is because it’s mine. I bought it with my own money—I had a whole 15 bucks I’d earned from babysitting—at the small thrift store on the corner after school on a Tuesday. It had been the first thing I’d picked up off the rack, not even checking the price or size. I had a curfew, and I knew that if I didn’t buy something that afternoon, I never would. I was 12, and the shirt I grabbed was 3 sizes too large, but I didn't care. I wanted it.

I still remember the woman behind the counter that day. She was probably middle-aged. At the time, I was transfixed by strands of her greying hair. She seemed radiant and wise. Untouchable. She was beautiful.

When I laid the shirt out in front of her, she looked directly at me for the first time since I’d entered the store, an amused expression playing across her face.

“You know this is for a man, right?” She asked, taking in my short stature, my girlish pigtails and sport shorts. My t-shirt that had recently started clinging to all the wrong places on me. I hated my clothes; my mother bought them all. She asked me for my opinion, sometimes, but I was only ever given the option to choose between the lesser of two evils. This shirt or that one. Those skirts or these jeans. Lately, I’d just let her take over completely, letting my eyes wander through the aisles while she shopped. No matter what store we were in, my gaze would always land on the men's section. I always let it linger for a second too long.

“It’s… for my brother. Last minute costume change for his, um, dance team. He needs something blue,” I mumbled through my excuse, terrified the woman would question me more, but she’d already started ringing my purchase up. The bubble of hope that had been growing in my chest ever since I’d ridden my bike out of the school gates that afternoon finally burst, into something bright and fiery and right. Something completely new. 

Later, at home, I tried the shirt on in front of my mirror. It reached down to my knees and looked utterly ridiculous, but it also didn’t hug my torso and hips trying to accentuate not yet existent curves. It made my body little more than a formless mass of cloth.

Five minutes after I put it on, my brother walked by my bedroom door. He took one look at me and laughed, and I laughed with him. He said I looked ‘stupid as shit’—words I still found scandalous at that time—and I’d agreed, but once he left I couldn’t bring myself to reach my own eyes in my reflection. I was scared of what I’d see. 

It’s been four years, and I still have that shirt. I’m wearing it now, bent low over the bathroom sink, scissors clutched tightly in my left hand, watching my hair swirl down the drain. I feel bile rising up in my throat at the sight, but it’s not from… disgust or panic. It’s- fear. I am scared to see myself. I am scared to know, because once I do there is no going back. It may not seem like it, but I am not one to dwell on the past. I live in the now. The now where I have just sheared away all of my hair at 3 AM, in the house my great-grandparents built with their own two hands. I wonder if they would be disappointed in me.

I don’t know if my mother will be mad—it’s hard to tell with her—maybe she’ll scold me, or laugh and schedule an appointment to get the mess I’ve made fixed, or maybe she’ll reach out, eyes soft. Maybe she’ll finally see me.

But I need to see myself first. I have been blind for far too long.

I steel myself—taking a sharp, shuddering inhale of air—and look up into the face of the mirror before me. I look up, and it feels like the final piece slots into place. The final piece of a puzzle I’ve been trying to solve for four years. For my whole life. 

The face staring back at me is no longer a reflection but a reality; the burning feeling in the centre of me flaring to life, consuming everything I thought I was.

I press a gentle hand to my chest, pressing down the two masses of fat and connective tissue that have always seemed to burden me more than my peers. I let the folds of blue obscure them until it almost looks as though they are not there. I wish more than anything that they weren’t.

I take myself in, gaze reverent and disbelieving.

My blue shirt is my favourite shirt, because unlike all my others, it fits perfectly. Ever since I first bought it, it has fit perfectly.

[mrstellmeafuckingsecret]

can u plsssss yap more Abt ur opinions of fanon Marlene more??? I agree with everything u said Abt the rant Abt fanon Remus, James, Sirius, regulus, and Marlene, but wanna hear more abt her (and maybe the other girls too???)

yes bby OKAY so.

i lowk hate marlene's fanon. she's so mean lesbian and i dont . i dont like that. mainly because she's only mean to sirius (&is a remus dickrider lowk,) and like . i hate men too bby but like there is a time and place for it yk idk. i get that bc her personality is entirely headcanoned its more necessary to 2d-ify her but i wish she had more personality than liking effie, being mean and being a lesbian :(

lily !!!!!!!!!!!! let her be dumb. please. i want my silly goofy girl. also !!!! i see a lot of content of her being discriminated which yes true because muggleborn but i feel like it's canon/safe to assume that she's well off !! i want to see more cunt lily. but not like a bitch yk just a cunt. also !!! more lily getting in trouble AND GETTING CAUGHT please. please. she's not a super genius mastermind who can play the godliest pranks with her girls and then never get in trouble. more flawed women please.

also !!!! this is specifically @ people who pair james w someone else (jegulus, bambibelle, wolfbucks, etc.) i dont like. actually. i lowk hate when lily's a lesbian. like bfr is the only reason shes not w james bc shes a lesbian? i love marylily and stuff but i feel like i want to see more lily with a man (i KNOW what this sounds like i swear im not being like 'STRAIGHT REP MATTERS AS MUCH AS LGBT REP 😠😠' )

i want to get into moonflower but like idk any fics yk. ☹️. and !!! i want to see her studied without having a love interest. OH AND i want to see her not end up single in james/man ship fics. idk why this peeves me. i think this goes for a lot of women actually. like idk let her find someone yk. oh and !!! this is just a random fandom complaint but like just because someone is single doesnt mean theyre aroace. sometimes people are just single!

also !!! more lily friendships. more lily as a popular girl. as liking quidditch. i feel like she's so underdeveloped even though she's the ONLY marauders era girl we have SO MUCH information on. :((

MARY MACDONALDDD my BELOVED . my BETROTHED. i love her. but. shes so oversexualized. i say this as someone who also views her as dating around a lot btw not shading anyone but like . !!!!!!!! she should be seen as more than that. same as lily, let her be seen as a character and judged as one before you ship her with someone. also, idk again why this bothers me since i dont see her as that, but i feel like i require some insecure mary content. just like a mess of insecurities, ACTUAL insecurities which are real and not simply in her head because she's the most drop dead gorgeous girl in the whole world. maybe as a mother. i love her as a mother. because mother mary skfsk. ummm yeah . i love her. my wife. please treat her right guys. ALSO if someone has any mary centric fics haha . give me.

[penguininmypocket]

I agree with your username but not with anything you just said

there are many people who experience racism, misogyny and so on every day, yet they still voted trump - it's not because they think they should be deported. there ARE white supremacists who voted red, but I'm willing to bet they don't even make up the majority of trump's supporters. this is only anecdotal but just dipping into the radio and listening to people explain why they voted trump - very very few say it's because they think America needs to be a Christian ethnostate. most cite things like the cost of living, national solidarity, and a lack of satisfaction with Biden. hell, I've heard dozens of people with thick foreign accents or Latinos or queer people vote trump.

the problem certainly IS to do with all the things OP listed (and also here - read the extended version!!) and these are the things we as a global society need to be addressing. things like lack of information, misinformation and disinformation. things like AI, social media and political Twitter bots.

white supremacists make up a small proportion of the white supremacist body. most people are people who get dragged into these things, because they

- have uninformed worldview and lack critical thinking

- get so washed with certain opinions that they seem obvious (eg, the economy is the fault of immigrants)

- have to be extreme to be heard

- have to pick one or the other

the list goes on and on - but the point is that none of these are the fault of the individual. the reason trump (and all the other global far-right groups on the rise - the AfD and Reform UK are the ones closest to me) can get these masses to unfalteringly unquestioningly follow them is a societal thing, and a structural thing. I'm very much not a sympathetic person but I do hold sympathy for right-wing voters who are shooting themselves in the feet without even realising.

I can highly recommend this video:

which is an insider's insight into exactly the kind of thing I'm talking about.

your attitude also isn't your fault - for exactly the same reasons. politics has become so polarising that no matter what happens, 49% of the populace are angry. but it's an unhelpful attitude and unsympathetic. it will do nothing in ways of fixing the matters at hand because it fails to address them

things we need to address:

gen z men getting pulled into alt-right pipelines through andrew tate, joe rogan, elon musk, jordan peterson etc

the gullibility and stupidity of half the country voting against our collective best interests

the broad effect social media has on public and common good

lazy minds and lack of empathy

outside-country interference (trump and elon’s connections to russia and the amount of bots from other countries spreading misinformation)

the long-term effects of AI and rampant disinformation

[romanceclub-confessionss]

Okay so I saw the post about Radha, Raj, and Amrita and I want to say something about it but I am afraid to contradict some of the people because they seem a bit unreasonable and would attack you for your opinion. The also are insulting people who agree with it. So I am going to explain why that person said what they did or potentially why. This comes from somebody who is an avid reader I read visual novel games, fanfiction, and books I have 10 plus years of reading with critical thinking of details in stories and understanding of characters.

Okay let’s start with the whole Radha is groomed I am of the opinion that did not happen based on how the Basu family is described. You think Vidya, Doran, or Sara would allow Raj to live if any of them believed he manipulated and used Radha for his gain. Grooming victims are described as being naive easy to manipulate that is not Radha at all she is being taught how to become a leader in time when women in power were looked down upon. You think part of her education from Vidya wasn’t about being able to spot manipulations from men who would want to use her and manipulate her. You think Radha wouldn’t do anything to a man who thought he could use her as an example of why not to mess with her like what Sara did to Rati when Rati insulted Sara. To me to say that Radha is a victim of grooming by Raj is an insult to Radha and her intelligence and her capabilities of being a leader you are saying that when a good looking guy comes into the picture all of Radha’s training disappears. My interpretation of how this relationship started was that it happened when Devi was in Bombay which made Radha 18 when this relationship started I can’t find information on how old Raj is but the oldest I think he is is 30 which is not a great look but from the interaction that we see while they are at the mountain retreat is that Raj is trying to end their relationship because even though BOTH of them have feelings for one another it is not the time for their families bloodlines to unite Radha is the one who says no let’s continue this affair in secret because I am what you want and we should be together. In grooming relationships the groomer has all the power in this relationship it looks like equal partnership with them. Also we know that Sara and Radha believe that men are tools for their entertainment you think a women who think men are like animals for their amusement can be manipulated and controlled by one. You guys don’t think Sara wouldn’t kill Raj if he groomed and used Radha her twin Sara straight up killed someone to protect Radha’s secret which means that Sara knows that BOTH Radha and Raj went into this willingly together. I want everyone to know that in my opinion guys Vidya knows about Raj and Radha. When Vidya tells Raj you are practically like family to me she is saying that she knows Raj is the one who got her daughter pregnant and she is not happy at all. I believe that part of the reason there is tension between the Basus and Doobays is because Vidya knows about the affair and is mad at both Raj and Radha then that anger multiplies when Radha gets pregnant. I also believe the reason that Vidya is not passing the reins to Radha is because she knows about the affair with Raj and believes that Radha needs more training before she becomes leader of the dozen and the Basu family. Vidya loves her daughters and I get the impression that if anyone hurt or used her daughter she would kill them no matter what and I guarantee that Doran would be there to help Vidya.

Let us move on to another topic people who say that Radha owes Amrita nothing. You do remember that Amrita is/was friends with the Basu twins. Which means that Radha slept and had a relationship with a friend’s fiancé. I could never justify doing that to someone who was a friend to me. Also the reason that Amrita is not close to her friends is the fact she is engaged and is learning about her future role along with getting to know her future husband. I also don’t understand how Raj can get to know his fiancé as a person and continue seeing someone else. Raj has hurt Amrita she knows that Raj doesn’t love her and she will be trapped in an loveless marriage, but can you imagine the pain of knowing that someone who was friends with you was sleeping with your fiancé behind your back and your fiancé cares about them more than you. I also love Radha as a character but I can hate and be critical of her choices this is what makes her multi dimensional and a fascinating character making her a victim of grooming makes her more flat and not as interesting of an character. I also believe that everyone missed the point of what the poster of the post was saying Radha and Raj are BOTH to blame for this situation they both knew better but continued it and now there is fallout because of their actions. Radha and Raj both hold blame on this no one forced this relationship they both willingly went along with it. Raj being the older one who also wanted to stop his relationship with Radha should have stuck to his original intentions Raj is older and is already a leader he knew better then to continue the affair, but it doesn’t excuse Radha because when she became older and almost became the the official leader Radha knew better as well then to continue her affair with Raj. Amrita is truly the only one who has no blame in this and everyone loves to hate on her when in reality Amrita is a victim in this and is going to experience unbelievable pain and betrayal from this. Some people missed the point on the post both Radha and Raj deserve equal blame in all of this no one is saying Raj is an angel because he is not but not enough people point that out the fact that Radha is 23 when she gets pregnant she knows better then to continue this affair and face possible repercussions of her affair with Raj. People treat Radha like she was forced against her will to be in this relationship when she wasn’t at all Raj and Radha were equal partners in their relationship. Therefore the both hold equal blame for what happened. Radha is no angel and that is okay because no one is in this story is and that is what makes everything so interesting.

Well that's a big confession 🤯

Sorry but we cannot edit such a big confession, even if we try would be a mess ( fun fact: we did try and turn out to be 5 images 😬)

This is something to have in mind before sending a confession, the length of the confession shouldn't excess 100 words, thanks!

-mod lyn

[heliomanteia]

I was relistening to the entire Epic earlier and noticed a very, very neat way that the theme of justification goes through the story. Needless to say, casus belli is something that's heavily discussed in the Homeric text(s) as well. It's not a new thematic invention.

What I admire is the gradual progression of it through Epic as Odysseus slowly changes as a person and applies the same logic of "this is a small price to pay" — convoluted logic! — to newer and newer objectives.

In the Troy Saga, it's the death of Astyanax/Scamandrius justified as necessary to prevent the promised doom to, apparently, the entirety of Achaean forces and their homeland if the boy is allowed to live. One could expand this and argue that it's the cruel justification of the siege and burning of Troy overall — to prevent possible future uprising.

In the Cyclops Saga, Odysseus considers murdering Polyphemus ("it's just one life to take") to preserve his men's lives. As a major separation from his mythical counterpart, he decides to not go through with it when given a chance to, though — the motif of mercy as a solution is unique to Epic.

The Ocean Saga reads as a thematic interject. Odysseus doesn't particularly choose to sacrifice anyone for a greater cause. I view Luck Runs Out as a forewarning for one of the following sagas. This saga majorly introduces the theme of ruthlessness as opposed to mercy — also a dichotomy unique to Epic.

The Circe Saga lacks a sacrifice for a bigger cause. Yet again, we receive foreshadowing in Eurylochus' willingness to leave Odysseus' crew behind not to face a foe that seems unbeatable — something that will come to be important later. Odysseus' mirrors are scattered across the entire musical, he's one of them.

The Underworld Saga is the point of no return. I know that arrival to the Underworld is part of the Odyssey so it isn't unique to Epic but placing Odysseus' narrative turning into "the monster", a thing that is not exactly in the Homeric narration, in the Underworld journey is a very "Greek myth" concept. A katabasis as a story of change.

In the Thunder Saga, Odysseus truly goes off with the justification of crime. The Sirens are punished for being a possible danger in some unknown future much like Astyanax/Scamandrius was. Scylla & Mutiny following up that one scene with Eurylochus in the Circe Saga finish the circle of mirroring between these two: Yes, Eurylochus, Odysseus agreed to leave some men behind to save the rest, though, a few sagas after.

The Wisdom Saga is part of a different thematic layer, it doesn't respond to any of Odysseus' struggles with morality. If anything, it just introduces Athena as his mirror (there are more than just two).

In the Vengeance Saga, the circle of justification comes to an end, in my opinion. Odysseus ultimately aligns with Calypso (his other mirror) that justification through love is ultimate. He will do anything and everything justified with love and it is presented as a positive thing no matter how convoluted it is.

Epic!Odysseus goes a full circle.

He starts off as a man who wants to go home but doesn't want to make that homecoming a bloodbath, as much as being actively in the war makes it possible. He ends up a shell of himself that wishes to cause more bloodbath just to get home; he personalizes and self-focuses any danger as one aimed against him and him alone — unlike the beginning sagas where any danger was a danger to the entire army/his men/his homeland.

Epic is structured very well, narratively.

[galaxythreads]

hi,

I'm fascinated by ur Loki works, and since I'm currently rereading all my favourites I wanted to ask about your general headcanons for Loki, and your opinions on all the movies and appearances Loki had. Basically, could you please talk about Loki, because i feel like my idea of Loki and your idea of Loki are similar. bye!!

"Do you want to rant at me about your favorite character?" I mean. do you want my first born?

general headcanons:

there's this scene in Loki: Where Mischief Lies where Loki has a throwaway line that talks about how it never matters when Thor hits him even if it gets violent and it rotates around in my head like a microwave all the time. Such an interesting concept that Thor took things too far but Loki never said anything because that's Just What Siblings Do TM

Loki's hair is soft to the touch, not greasy, because I will die mad about loki's hair in ragnarok

loki steals clothing. This is something you can see in all my fics, he's constantly stealing things from everyone.

Loki is ace, never had sex, and isn't interested in changing that. I don't think he's aro, I think he is interested in romantic love to some extent, but I think sex is just mid to him

loki's magic pokes at all five senses. It's something you can see, taste, hear, touch, and smell

loki got "food poisoning" a lot as a kid because his body was made for jotun stuff and like. asgard doesn't have that

Loki has a moral code, and there are lines he won't cross

loki doesn't lie that much, people just gave him the name because he's shifty and it was a rumor that was started by thor that he lies all the time

loki and thor's relationship has only gotten more complicated as they've gotten older and they have the brain chemistry to process things better, look at their childhoods and go, uh, bro, wait a minute

frigga wasn't a very good mom to loki, even though she tried

Loki can cook

loki uses magic less now that he's older, not because he's not good at it, but because he just like. he uses more subtle magic, and he doesn't need to turn his magic into a glowy show when he could just punch you in the face

loki is a man of few words

loki being captured and watching him lose his mind is straw that broke the camel's back for Gamora, who left shortly after he agreed to help thanos

loki wasn't mind controlled per se in the first avengers, the scepter was just affecting his feelings, but not more than anyone else? Loki was just genuinely tortured/coerced into this by thanos and they didn't have to force him to do anything. he was too terrified to say no. scepter was just an added bonus to cement the control

loki absolutely has permanent spinal damage from his time with thanos

I have a bazillion of these i could literally go on for ages.

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thoughts on movies:

Uh. Okay. um. How do I say this without getting slain? I...do not think, objectively, that any of the Thor movies are good movies. I think they have fantastic concepts, and wonderful characters, and I adore poking at them, but I think one of the reasons that they're so beloved is because of their potential not because of what they are. People love thinking about what could have been and what they wished happened, because there's very little that's actually satisfyingly completed about the films.

Because the Thor movies are not...It. You kind of have to go hunting for outside material for pieces to be connected together and thor 2 has lots of issues that not even thor 1 could have dreamed of, and Thor 1 is just. A disaster, narratively. I think Thor 3 is definetly the most well put together movie, which sucks because it's the one that botched the characters beyond repair. You either have good characters and awful story or fantastic story and terrible characters with no inbetween.

Trying to talk about why I don't think the movies are good - objectively, as movies - has never ended super well for me, but yeah, i just. I don't. I don't think they're very good. I can break it down in more detail if anyone is interested, but there seems to exist two opinions on tumblr: you either think thor 1 - tdw is an untouchable master piece or you don't and there's nothing good to say about them at all.

I have endless praise to give the movies, but that doesn't mean I don't have criticisms, because, good lord, they suck in some places. Loki's character arc is the most baffling mishandle of a character that I have ever witnessed, and yes, I mean this from the get go. Connecting thor 1 - thor 2 takes some mental math.

Thor 1: Interesting set-up for Loki's character, I like how careful they are with setting him up to make sure that his arc was clear and the line between victim and villain was really blurred. They did a good job on making him sympathetic, and revealing an interesting concept with him and Thor, even if I don't think it was executed as well as I wanted.

Avengers 1: adore poking at Loki and Thanos's relationship here. I cannot get enough of it. I like writing with the avengers mostly because of all that didn't happen in the movie that I wished had. There's so many narrative secrets that don't get addressed or glossed over and I just want it picked apart

Thor 2: i enjoy seeing Loki and Thor working together, Loki's deteriorating mental stay in prison is always fascinating, and generally tdw is my favorite movie and portrayal of loki. It's what I usually base all my fics off of is how he acts in this movie. 10/10, will sing praises

thor 3: my loathing for this movie has shriveled considerably since i saw it the first time, but i'd still be hardpressed to say i liked anything they did with loki's character. Loki is self-sabatoging constantly, and his character makes no sense whatsoever. he is the village idiot, and like, i'm not really into that.

Infinity War: Honestly, i'm just gonna say it - i really did like what they did with loki in this movie. Like yeah, I wanted him to help and be an important part of the story, yeah, of course, but I also appreciate from a writing perspective what a powerful move killing him off before the credits was. Loki was the Big Bad of the first avengers and murdering him set the stakes amazingly. It carried Thor's entire arc, and it felt like a shroud that was layered over the movie. I know a lot of people didn't like it, but I appreciated what they did with it, and I like the tragedy.

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Appearance:

not a single scene in ragnarok with him it it did not make me want to chew off my foot, his character design was awful. I will never understand why everyone was drooling over the black suit, it looked like it was bought from walmart and then the wrinkles smoothed out with a flat iron. His hair is greasy af for no reason, all of his clothing looks cheap and ugly. there's nothing impressive or visually interesting about him. the choice to remove his colors so hela can take them will never not be annoying to me even though hela is my baby child

thor 1 has the best hair, in my opinion, but he also looks stupid as hell in his armor. loki's design, to me, works best when it has long lines and it's flowy and/or soft. visually nice:

and like the reason it's visually nice is because it's soft and doesn't make me notice tom hiddleston's hips. The moment i'm aware of his hips i get irritated as hell about it, because idk man, loki just. he does not look good when you're aware he has hips. tom hiddleston is like fine, somehow? i don't know why it doesn't bother me when he's wearing whatever he wants to - i also just like. do not care - but with loki i'm just like. oh good LORD stop making me aware of your hips.

It's why i can't stand his ragnarok suit but would sing praises over the thor 1 one.

It's something that's just like. confounded me forever, because i don't even know why it bugs me so much, but every time i see his TVA outfit, thor 1 armor, or that stupid ragnarok suit i want to shoot a canon ball into the sun.

Give the man a suit coat or do not put him in a jacket. loki has lots of skills but pulling off a jacket is not one of them.

He needs to look haunted, like, in general. Or like an 18th century tired man. it's integral for his character to me.

things that make galaxy happy:

loki soft hair

loki having suit coat or suit coat equivalent

things that will send her into a ranting, unwanted, nitpicky rage

loki greasy hair

loki dressed in jackets

[dandelion-wings]

Hello! Love your fic and blog. I would love to hear your thoughts on something. There's a thing I sometimes see people say...that like Kaeya should have told Diluc his secret earlier than he did. (And I agree that he should have told him at a different time. And I do think it is generally a good thing that would strengthen their relationship, after they work through it, and it gives Kaeya a confidant.) Idk, it's complicated because I kind of feel like Kaeya doesn't really owe anyone the truth until such a time that he is put in a position of potential or active harm to Mondstadt. But I am generally of the opinion that people are way too harsh on most of the characters that keep secrets, as if that in itself is a moral wrong.

Hmmm. I had to think about this a little, anon, because "should" is such a loaded term here!

I think so much about evaluating his choices here depends on context we simply don't have in canon. Is Kaeya actually in Mondstadt for any malicious reason, or did his father leave him there to protect him in some way (and if so, did he justify it with a false mission to make Kaeya cooperate, or is Kaeya fearing a war that isn't actually likely to come)? If there was a reason, was he an active agent (spy, saboteur, what have you) or a helpless pawn (c.f. this post)? If there was an actual plot, has his loyalty changed and he doesn't have to do anything for Khaenri'ah going forward, or does he fear some kind of secret trigger word or magical control that would make him a danger to Mondstadt no matter what? Is "Khaenri'ah" only the Abyss Order at this point, or are there actual non-Order Khaenri'ahans still around that Alberich Sr. is trying to save? (Or, in between the two, is he on the "save/purify the hilichurls" boat with Caribert, but is taking a different tack than the Order, or working with them only reluctantly?)

An important question for me has always been whether the fanon that Kaeya is "a prince" is true because, if he is, and there is an actual plan, and there are actual Khaenri'ahans this plan was meant to save, then morally speaking I don't think he should have told at all. I tolerate royalty even in my fiction only and exclusively on the premise that they serve their people No Matter What (this is why I still hate Ei >> ), and I would lose all respect for him if those three conditions obtained and he still chose Mondstadt.

But like... my insanely high standards for fictional royalty aside... Kaeya was a kid abandoned in a foreign land. That's the one thing we know for absolute certainty. Even if he was around Diluc's age of eighteen, and even if Mondstadt definitely gives responsibility to kids way younger than in our world, to me that's still a kid. "Should" seems to come with moral judgement here that's pretty harsh, given that, and I say this as someone who does judge Diluc around the same events--but with the same ambivalence, for the same reasons, of him being a kid in a tough spot. (I did not make better decisions re: sibling relationships than either of them at that age, let me put it that way.) Also, honestly, if Kaeya had confessed earlier, I don't think Diluc was the person to initially do it to--leaving aside all moral questions, I think the smart person to tell would have been Crepus, an actual adult who, while not perfect as a parent by any means, I feel likely would have chosen to protect his adopted son from blowback. He almost certainly had the experience as a businessman to control when and how that information was disseminated to any relevant parties, including Diluc himself.

I honestly don't even think Kaeya "owes" anyone the truth even if it does put Mondstadt at risk, though that comes from the premise that he still feels conflicted somewhat (which canon has drifted away from somewhat but I do stubbornly cling to, because it's spicier, and I don't love them blandifying my boy >> ). He gets to make his own choices. And then he gets to deal with whatever consequences fall out for them! And honestly, while I feel like the morality of secret-keeping in the real world depends very much on the secrets and their impacts, and can often go horribly wrong, in fiction it leads to some of my favorite kinds of narrative drama. So I guess that's my takeaway!