#no input mixing board

[electronicdwarf]

as a new year's resolution I decided I was going to make an album.I guess you could think of it like my first chapbook.I have been working for the past eight months to make a coherent artistic aesthetic…thing. It's FFO Tim Hecker, The Body, and Toshimaru Nakimura. I hope you will listen to and enjoy it.

[reubeningall]

I made a drum synth box using Pure Data on a Raspberry Pi, for use with my no-input mixing setup. Then I made a show-n-tell video about it.

Just realised I was thinking about this a while back on twit:

[teethdreamer]

teeth dreams // 26th May. 2023

Static 0pen // Footscray, VIC

[aeide-thea]

if you didn't bother searching btw I'm pretty sure the author whose metaphors lydia davis is dragging is khaled hosseini lol

yes, specifically and the mountains echoed!

to be clear, i haven't actually read either author myself—though i do know davis is, like, a ~writer's writer~ whereas hosseini is bestselling, with everything that implies—and it's very possible that i'd prefer davis' work to hosseini's! i just was really struck by the level of doublethink davis was displaying there: absolutely wild, imo, to say “I don’t like to knock other writers as a matter of principle” as a preface to… doing exactly that?? not that many of us aren't hypocrites, of course, but one does sort of hope a writer would be more careful and honest in their observation of human foibles, even when the foibles in question are their own. (naive of me, i know.)

i think i'm also just a little startled that goodyear (the reporter) seems to take davis' self-assessment at more or less face value, and agree that "to be curmudgeonly was not the point"? i mean, goodyear does put the moment on the page, obviously, where it can speak for itself; but later on in the article she remarks, "as a person, davis is tactful if particular," and i just. i question this characterization, tbh! i don't think someone tactful ('considerate and discreet,' says american heritage) would have gone on record picking apart the work of a living author, in a way whose coyness actually makes the assessment seem more damning, imo—as if hosseini's writing were so shocking it could only be whispered about behind one's hand. which isn't to say it mightn't in fact be that shocking, don't get me wrong! but it's just such a passive-aggressive approach to criticism, and yet, somehow, doesn't seem to register that way with goodyear (possibly because it's at least less overt naming-and-shaming than is goodyear's own style, lol! but i digress).

that said, i do want to reiterate that i don't necessarily think davis has an obligation to be tactful? i can see arguments in favor of prioritizing kindness here and i can also see arguments in favor of prioritizing truth, as i said originally; i think it's easy to hate on women, in particular, for not behaving in ways that are sufficiently conciliatory, and i hope i'm not doing that here. but i guess i just also think—if one can't be both honest and kind, it's probably better to pick one and abide by it than to, in attempting to strike a balance, fall short of quite being either.

[rexandbalances]

NIMB #3

Around 2 months ago I became aware of no-input mixing board music. It is what it sounds like it is. There are no instruments in the traditional sense. This music is made from largely forcing electronics on itself in a way. The method is done with hardware but I am trying to learn more about how it works because I had an incident in software around a decade ago.

One of the songs I created in a software DAW unpredictably made itself feedback loop for about 3-4 minutes. I am not sure what caused it. It’s possible that I didn’t know enough about what I was doing. I’d say it was a happy accident. The software *is* supposed to behave in the same way that hardware does. 

[yyuangss]

MORE GIRL TALK ! ( STAR RAIL MEN )

SUMMARY ! march 7th finds out you like someone. and as your best friend, it’s only right that she has to give her input on whether or not she approves of him.

NOTES ! part one of girl talk (dan heng, caelus, sampo, jing yuan, and argenti). need hoyo to give the biggest girl’s girl they’ve ever created a bff asap. she deserves it after everything she’s been through 🫡 this goes out to that one anon. if you’re reading this, i added a bonus for you <3

TAGS ! reader is not the trailblazer. contains gepard landu, dr. ratio, aventurine, and boothill. possible spoilers for penacony quest in aventurine’s part, tried to keep it very vague and minimal. feelings are mutual on both ends.

march 7th’s thoughts on . . . GEPARD LANDAU !

the biggest mistake you’ve made is telling march you have feelings for the captain of the silvermane guards. because now she’s made herself the conductor of the express, switching course to jarilo-vi, crash landing terribly, and running all the way to serval to ask if gepard has feelings for you. march always assumed there might have been some mutual pinning from gepard’s side. he probably thought he was the best at hiding his feelings, except it didn’t help that he constantly shielded you whenever you were at risk of being at harms way. which in her opinion means he’s willing to protect you no matter what. this trait was very important and she will not let you pass up on that opportunity. according to serval, gepard had already confessed to his sister how he felt towards you and was too shy to admit it. once she confirmed his mutual feelings, serval and march are on matchmaker duty.

march 7th’s thoughts on . . . DR. RATIO !

march does think that ratio is mean and extremely talkative. she also believes him to be selfish. there’s already a negative perception of him in her mind. though, her opinion on him is only based off the first time the express met him. compared to you, she hasn’t gotten the chance to truly know him (not that she really wants to). so, march says her judgement is biased and null in this case. she hears a different side when you’re in her room, telling her all about him and how he’s incorporated you into his very busy schedule. and it’s proven to her whenever ratio boards the express for the sole purposes of visiting you. or he’s arriving at the space station around the same time the express gets there, despite having prior plans made. march is very suspicious how the two of you aren’t dating yet. actions speak louder than words and ratio’s actions make her very impressed.

march 7th’s thoughts on . . . AVENTURINE !

march won’t lie, she has heavy mixed opinions for aventurine and still doubtful of him. it’s possible that the entire astral express would share these mixed opinions if you told one of them. on one hand, she’s grateful for all the help he aided with. had he not been there, you all would’ve never gotten into penacony. she’s surprised to hear you ran into him several times when you were exploring. it’s where you got to know him while he showed you around, taking you to all the best sight seeing locations. aventurine didn’t waste a second to express his interest in you. even after what happened with him before the final battle in penacony, he still showed that same interest. which is why march doesn’t know why you’re wasting time telling her about your feelings towards him when you should be admitting them to aventurine instead. her mixed opinions will still be present. once she gets to know him like you did, they’ll eventually fade and she’ll be less on the weary side.

BONUS !

dan heng’s thoughts on . . . BOOTHILL !

“oh.” is all he says. dan heng is not very vocal, so his expression and body language tell you all you need to know. in this case, a raised eyebrow and a skeptical look forming on his face. he’s not really interested in this type of talk and that’s one of the main reasons. still, as your closest friend, dan heng doesn’t want you to think that you and your feelings aren’t important to him. his quiet demeanor makes him more observant. watching you and boothill interact makes dan heng realize how truly oblivious you are. it’s clear as day that the interstellar cowboy is interested in you. unless he’s the only person who has caught on to the mutual feelings. but there’s no way especially with all the darlin’s and sweetheart’s boothill calls you. either way, in his opinion, you should be with who makes you happy and dan heng won’t stop you from that. will bluntly expose yours and boothill’s attraction if either of you take too long.

[snapscube]

I was a guest on BIG GAME HUNGER today!!!

Big Game Hunger is a podcast where Jenna Stoeber and a guest take 3 random ingredients and mix them up into one concept for The Next Big Video Game, and today I came on the show to create "HOLLEY'S TROLLEYS", a video game that allows you to ponder one of the most famous philosophical problems with zero direct input on the outcome! This episode was such a blast to record and I would love to know that yall gave it a shot! Definitely check out the rest of the catalogue too cause there are some fantastic guests featured across the board!!!

[yougavemeyourheartyouknow]

Thinking about Bodyguard!Miguel O’Hara who, when he took you to the studio lot for costumes a few weeks later, finally took up your offer to buy him a coffee. Black with two sugars. To say you had to keep your eyes from popping out of your sockets would be an understatement.

Bodyguard!Miguel who had to wait in the hallway as the head costumer took you into her office to take your measurements and show you some of her inspiration for the dresses she wanted to make for you. Wanting your opinions and input since you're the one that will be in the dresses and outfits.

Bodyguard!Miguel who boarded first class with you when you had to depart to the country to the main filming location, Italy, the week before filming started. Making sure to keep paparazzi at bay when you were leaving and arriving, keeping your face hidden from cameras.

Bodyguard!Miguel who finally got to see you in one of your costumes on the first day of filming, you had pictures of you in some of the outfits, but they were half finished and not exactly flattering footage. The director had also requested that all of your outfits for the film be a secret to the rest on set, wanting to add to that wow factor.

Bodyguard!Miguel that also felt his breath get caught in his throat when he finally got to see you come out in your first dress, a beautiful lilac silk dress. Pupils dilated behind sunglasses as he watched as you spin and giggle about with some of the actors in the dress. Your matching fan providing you some relief from the Italian hot sun while you wait for the filming crew to finish setting up for the first shots.

—

The director knew what he was doing when he casted you as the main character, you truly looked like a princess.

Miguel had been thankful he had his sunglasses on, both due to the harsh sun beating down on his sensitive eyes, and to the fact he can gawk at you shamelessly.

He always watched you when you weren’t in a ten foot radius, but this time was…different. The usual protectiveness and possessiveness was still there of course, but now there was something else mixed in. Admiration? Affection? Adoration ? He didn’t know.

What he did know was you looked nothing less than breathtaking. Graceful steps despite the valley ground still dewy from the morning, the way you recite the lines like they were your own words. The way you hid your face with the fan when Peter as his character spoke with you. If Miguel didn’t know any better, we would have thought you were really flustered over his words.

Despite it all only being an act, the scene made him feel queasy. Not that he’d ever admit.

He let out the quietest of sighs as he watched you both go to restart the scene. He had one job to do. That was to protect you, not fall for you.

He was fucked.

—

Part 3<

Part 5<

Not proofread.

Word count: 500

Taglist: @famouscattale @strawberryjuice9 @loser-alert @maomaimao @franceseca-the-1st @mcmiracles @mangoslushcrush @queerponcho @yournextbimbogf @tinybirdhideout @reader-1290 @laysmt @migueloharasoulmate @fruityfucker @pigeonmama @scaryplanetdestroyer @migueloharastruelove @krentkova19 @genny1019 @maiyart @stressed-cherry @miguelzslvtz @scaleniusrm @xerorizz @enananawoah @messicampeon @anastasia1972 @lauraolar14 @huniedeux @bluesidez @nommingonfood @chrishy973 @m4dyy @night-spectrum @electricgg (to be added click here)

[lunar-wandering]

Actually no I cannot stop thinking about the fact that, it's not that that Scene is the first time the Collector has cried, it's just the first time there's been tears.

I mean;

Look at this. This is the expression of someone who's about to cry. And, notably, they do.

We can LITERALLY hear them crying in the next scene- but when Luz approaches them;

There's no tears. Quite possibly because, physically, it's not meant to be possible for them. After all, they are meant to live in space, I think having water freeze right when it comes out of your eyes would be a hinderance, honestly.

But, then later,

they do cry tears.

so what's different about them here than before??

My first thought is the icky moss stuff. Which is, coming from a combination of Belos and The Titan. Aka, the being that can negate all of the Collector's magic. And it is shown that the Collector's magic was not working. They were, for all intents and purposes, as close to human as they could be, here.

Clearly, they have enough power to hold up the archives, but it's very obviously painful for them- which is weird, from someone who can easily move the moon, you'd think that stabilizing the archives would be easy- except for the fact that, other than the star-board he's standing on (something that seems to be more of an magic item than his own magic, in my opinion, since others can seemingly use it without his input), and the ribbons (possibly also an item), he's not actually using magic to hold it up, just their own raw strength. (Which, wow, if this is how much they can lift at their weakest, how strong is this kid just in terms of physical strength?)

But anyways, that's not my final point.

My final point is that, even after the moss is gone- suddenly we see tears forming in the Collector's eyes, when we didn't before.

Their ability to form tears didn't go away.

It could, of course, just be a symbolic thing, you know, but... there was some Titan magic mixed in with everything. What if the Collector is now more mortal than he was before? Does he know? Can he be affected by things he couldn't before, like illness or poison? Did it impact his decision to return to the stars?

What does becoming just a bit more mortal mean to an immortal?

[vanessagillings]

I love your art so much!!! I've also been starting to paint with gouache, and I'd love to know a little more about your process! What kind of paints do you use, do you sketch first or start with paint, do you paint in layers over several day or all at once?

Hi and thank you! I hope you don't mind me answering this publicly and apologies for length, but:

MY ART PROCESS!

Supplies: I use winsor and newton gouache and arches cold press paper blocks, usually 140 lbs (the lime green ones) and sometimes 300 lbs (the teal green ones). Even though this paper comes pre-stretched in blocks, I actually take the sheets off and stretch them myself because I've found arches' glue isn't as strong as it used to be. This is how you get watercolor paper to lay flat! I recommend youtubing some videos on how to do it -- there's a lot of great tutorials out there. Also, I use princeton brushes, and kraft paper tape and these boards to stretch my paper. (these aren't affiliate links, I just shop at blick)

A word about art supplies: these are the exact tools I use but everyone uses supplies differently and two people with the exact same supplies might get different results! A lot of it is about what works for you and what you like, so I always suggest that gouache/watercolor beginners just buy a few tubes from a couple of different paint companies and some small pieces of paper from different manufacturers to see what you like. Just changing one ingredient in the above has created massively different results for me, but maybe that'll end up being something you'd like! The first step in learning a new medium imo is to play. Just have fun!

ALSO: gouache isn't super light permanent, check your tubes for which ones hold up to sunlight. Here is winsor and newton's color chart explaining which ones will fade when exposed to sunlight -- all manufacturers will give you this. I only use the colors rated A and AA, and I still frame my pieces with UV glass just to be safe. Not all gouache is re-wettable, but winsor and newton is. I just put it in my palettes and refill my palettes if it runs low. AND SOME PAINT IS TOXIC. A lot of paints have cadmium and cobalt in them. I don't use any of the toxic colors, but if you do, make sure you don't eat while working and wash your hands thoroughly afterwards. This information is also usually available on manufacturer's websites. As more people are rejecting cadmium paint, you'll see more tubes labeled things like cadmium-free yellow. This is why. More artists should be aware that their tools can be dangerous. You don't need that many tubes of paint to begin, just a warm and cool red, warm and cool yellow, warm and cool blue, white and black. I have around 50 colors and use 20 regularly. I always mix all my colors myself, and never use straight tube paint. Most of my colors have about 5-6 different tube colors mixed together. If you use re-wettable paint a tube of paint will last you years; even as a professional I only buy new paints every 5 years or so.

Process: I ALWAYS start with a sketch first. Not everyone has to, but because I do illustration work -- where sometimes a client gets input on a drawing -- I always do a lot of preliminary work before I even begin to paint. At this point, even my personal work usually involves the exact same process:

I start with a 3" or so thumbnail that I scan (left; I traced it quickly digtally for clarity to myself here) and then either clean up digitally or print out and clean up traditionally with tracing paper (right):

Then I scan the cleaned sketch in and color rough it digitally (left, this was for a gallery show, so no one had to approve my color roughs, so it's messy!) then I transfer my sketch to my paper (with either carbon transfer paper or a light table), stretch my paper, and paint (right):

I obviously changed my mind about the color of the ribbon in the trees, ha, and made everything a lot more vibrant. The benefit again of gallery work is no pre-approval!

You are correct, I paint in a series of washes, going from lightest to darkest, where I apply the same color beneath all shapes that are the same warmth (cools under all upcoming cools, warms under all upcoming warms). I paint a piece usually in one or two days, depending on complexity. I didn't take pictures of the above painting, but here's a different painting to show you a little bit what I mean:

I painted the peach color under everything (and twice for skin tones), and the gray color of the sky under everything that would be grayish (the rocks, trees, her pants, her skirt, and coat). I do this to stop me from getting darker lines where two different colors butt up against each other, and also for color harmony. I have step by step photos of this in my process stories highlight on my instagram; also check my FAQ and tip highlights for more info on all this stuff. Most pieces take around 25-30 washes before I start adding in the details (sometimes I add in face details early though because if I mess those up it's not worth finishing the rest of the painting! 😅)

All this might seem like a lot of work (...it is) but I do it so that I can show clients previews of the final piece and so I don't have to repaint the finals. I also used to pre-test all of my washes on scrap paper like this:

I still recommend doing this if you're just beginning! But at this point I only do it when testing techniques because I know my paints really well. (the above was my test for the pine boughs in this piece)

Painting by far is the longest part of the process, so I do more work up front to not have to do it twice. Every piece takes about 6-24 hrs of actual work time to produce. Stretching watercolor paper takes about 24 hrs to dry, and because I sell most of my originals in galleries, they need to be flawless, so planning ahead is useful and in the end saves me time.

And to conclude this novel of an explanation, don't be overwhelmed by all the information I've given you! I put it here so that people at various stages of their artistic journey can maybe find something useful in it. But seriously, the first step to learning how to paint whether it's traditionally or digitally is just to have fun. Try it out, see what's working and what isn't, and then try to solve specific issues that you're struggling with. I've been doing this for a loooooong time at this point, but here's my first watercolor piece from when I was re-teaching myself how to paint traditionally nine years ago:

Obviously, I was destined for greatness. Ha, yeah, no. If you scroll back through my tumblr archive, you can see me learning how to use these paints in real time. And keep in mind that I'd been working digitally for years before then, and years before that where I didn't post my work online at all.

So for anyone who needs to hear it: there's no such thing as talent, just hard work, patience, and trying again and again and again...and sometimes again. What I do is a skill and anyone can learn it. Sometimes, progress is slow. I'm 38. I only really feel like my art was half-way decent starting a few years ago, but I've been making art my entire life, and I went to art school at 18. 20 years later I'm kind of figuring it out.

The best advice I can give, whether it's about art or not, is find the thing you love so much that you'll keep at it even when you suck at it, because most skills you'll suck at to begin with -- and perhaps for a long time. I sucked at art for yeeeaaaaarrrrs. On top of the usual learning curve, I struggled with fine motor control and dexterity. But I loved it so much I kept trying every time I failed. If I can do it, so can all of you, no matter what stage of art you're at now, and no matter how old you are.

Anyway, thank you to those still reading this deep in. I wish you all the best on your artistic journey. Art can kick your butt sometimes, but it's also pretty dang rewarding 💛

[electronicdwarf]

Tell me why it took me two years to realize the audio utility in VCV Rack is also an output

[reubeningall]

Improvisation using no-input mixer, stylophone, loopers, and my drum synth (pure data on raspberry pi) + midi controller. I have updated my drum synth patch to add a (non-quantised) tap-a-pattern function for the kick drum hence the wonk.

The visualisation is a Lissajous figure, produced by software called PrettyScope.

[daretoassume]

hello, i hope you're doing well. my english is not the best so i apologize. i've been on the loa side of tumblr for some time and one thing that has stuck with me the most is "once you know you've the ultimate power, you will view your imagination as your true reality" and the thing is that i understand his and i understand that we're conditioned to be realistic and believe the opposite of what loa teaches since day 1. but what i don't understand is how do you or anyone who has been successfully manifesting be in *that* state where things happening in your reality doesn't phase you? how do you be so sure of your imagination that you surrender to it? majority of the people i see here view loa as a back up option of some sorts. it's like "if i don't complete this assignment by today, i'll just manifest that the deadline extends" instead of "i don't have to complete my assignment because the assignment is already completed/doesn't even exist in the first place". i really struggle with understanding and being on board with the contradicting opinions and actions of people on the same subject. i've manifested some things but even today in order to be in that state or mindset, i need to listen to a subliminal or do mediation. so, i'm really curious as to how it all comes naturally to everyone. i'm so sorry for the long ask but i hope you can provide your input.

hellooo angel, one thing i always remind myself is that i shouldn't apply logic to something profound. try to take everything you are learning lightly. be so light about it.

1. to be in the state where things don't bother me, no matter what is happening, was a habit i developed over time. i understand that i must constantly choose the reality i prefer, and for me to do that, i can't be phased by whatever is happening outside of me when everything i ever wanted is already done, already experienced, in my inner world.

this was a hard lesson for me (it was tied to my core belief). of course, that's just how i went through it, and i want to be transparent because it's not just about the law of assumption—i mixed in everything i learned about personal growth and loa.

now, i’m not saying you or anyone else has to go through the same process, but that's how i molded my beliefs.

2. when it comes to back-up options, it's all about preference— what you prefer to experience in your reality. some people place conditions or limitations on their reality, so they might choose what feels like the path of least resistance. either way, it's done.

3. if you believe subliminals or meditations help you, and if you think they are the path of least resistance, then go ahead. but you really don't need them. your desires—everything you want to experience—are already yours. it's done, it's solidified. you don't need to impose these unspoken rules on yourself to experience it. you are already experiencing it in your imagination. these unspoken rules and conditions are only holding you back.

i hope this helps you!

[lightofraye]

I had this as an ask--I think the person was going around a bit to get some folks' input, which doesn't bother me. But I decided to grab the full screenshots and point to the part that had sparked a conversation among some folks. I even had a couple of followers ask for my thoughts.

Now... this did come up in a little group chat amongst me and a few others. We all have thoughts on it.

Oh I should probably go to the part I'm talking about. My bad.

The tweeter--HanmeiCui--tried to capture all that was said during Radio Company's little BBQ dinner during AustinCon. And folks were intrigued by Number 8.

"Fans asked him what he misses most about Texas and he said, I don't? I am still here all the time. I am here now, I was here a few weeks ago and then a few weeks before that. My whole family's still here my mom and dad are in Dallas I often visit them."

HanmeiCui also added: "So I kind of… I didn't catch what he said after that but I got the idea that he thinks of himself more like commuting, instead of permanently moved out."

Given he doesn't have any property (none that we have to officially verify ourselves with public records anyway) in Austin or Texas as a whole... FBBC is... something. Sold, not sold, either way, the brewery won't be back. Maybe a small taproom to keep incompetent brother-in-law Gino busy after he ran FBBC into the ground. Ahem. Yes, there is a house on the FBBC property but... near as we can tell, no one lives there.

The Ackles sold the rest of their properties--the condo, the lake house, etc. Also sold the Colorado condo.

Near as any of us could tell... no properties in Texas.

It had been largely assumed that if Jensen did visit his parents, it was likely without Danneel in tow. So if Jensen does visit often as he indicated, he may just be staying at a hotel, a friend's guest room (Steve does have a place in Austin), or the like.

I mean, Papa Ackles is 75 now. (Oh dang, his father is just a couple of years older than mine.) I imagine Jensen would want to see his parents a bit more. And for a while, he had the free time to do so.

A lot of folks have interpreted the statements in a few ways. One was a kind of professional "He's trying to keep the ol' boy Texan persona" going. Another was "Maybe he's trying to get re-established back in Texas without the wife." A third was "Maybe he has a place in secret in Texas"!

My thoughts?

I want to believe it's number two--getting re-established in Texas without the wife. (Come on, you know I'm an anti-Danneel. Why are you reading my stuff?) He's certainly made a few decisions this past year and a half that have me poking at the game board of life and going "Hmm...."

Such as his Social Media changing from a mix of family and business to strictly work posts (and frustrating his stans in the process, heh); such as Danneel going completely radio silent on her IG (but still commenting on others, hmm); such as selling all of FBBC without a new location in place; buying a mansion across the darn country and so far away from most of his friends and family; to seemingly abandoning CMP to Danneel to destroy.

There's still a few things we're not seeing. A few things we're not aware of. I could speculate until my face turned blue. For now, I'm content to sit and wait and observe the chess board.

[edutainer2022]

A little thing riffing off the concept of Scott, probably, getting mistaken for Alan’s father quite often. It turned out sadder than I hoped.

DAD

The loose end of his scarf got tugged lightly and he swiped his hand low to catch baby brother's palm, without shifting attention from the rows of pasta on a stall. Allie had hop-skipped away to the end of the aisle, mumbling something about waffles for dinner, and now probably demanded his immediate input. His hand grasped nothing but thin air. A scarf, however, got another insistent tug.

The scarf was not an eye-wateringly expensive brand-name cashmere that would usually go with his coat and the "Tracy Industries appropriate" look, but was infinitely more precious. Long, blue, hand-knitted and a bit loopholed, it was a gift from Virgil his last Christmas on leave from WAF. It was rediscovered in one of Dad's drawers on the island, apparently a keepsake of the things the GDF returned to the family after Scott himself was lost in That Place. Now it was Scott's keepsake after Dad... A full circle.

Scott peripheral vision detected a movement of blond and skinny far down the aisle, as Allie was, it appeared, reaching up for his waffles. They were in NYC together. Not only the Tracy Industries Board demanded a piece of him for one reason or other, but Tracy Legal and the family private solicitor required tweaks in the custody documentation. Scott took the opportunity to show pre-Christmas NYC to Alan. The boy was only seven when they visited the last time, bar Dad's massive public memorial service Allie barely remembered, wrought with grief. Scott hardly remembered much of it himself through the blur of shock, pain, doubt, and a kind of fatalistic determination. Anyhow, it wasn't a ten years old Alan demanding his attention now. Scott looked down.

A pair of huge grey eyes regarded him from under a gigantic pink bow. A small hand was tugging his scarf again, like a doorbell string. Up from Scott's height the little girl seemed positively tiny. He folded himself down, not to intimidate the child. Even crouching, Scott was still towering over her.

"Hey, sweetheart! Are you lost?"

Attentive eyes regarded him, then a pink clad arm shot out to point at the general expance of the rest of the supermarket.

"Mommy 'der!"

In between Gordy and Allie, Scott was proficient enough in three year old speak. Johnny, it seemed, was communicating at AP English level all the way back at two, or not at all.

The little girl's mom was, obviously, "there" - but nowhere to be seen down the aisle and behind the shelves. Out of a years ingrained habit Scott kept half and eye on Alan, engrossed in comparative analysis of the various boxes of waffle mix. The prudent thing to do wound be to call a store employee - Scott was aware it would send an alarm if he, all of the imposing 6'4, Armani coat and a Young Jeff Tracy face of him, walked away with a little girl. But the nook of the store was empty of anyone in telltale uniform. Huge grey eyes kept regarding him in expectation of some effective Mom-finding action. An idea occurred. Scott bent down some more and made sure to smile.

"Is it okay if I pick you up, sweetie?"

The child gave it a moment's thought and nodded. Scott sprung up easily, the girl securely in his hold, and propped her up on his shoulder. Tiny pink shoes kicked the air (and his ribs a bit) excitedly. There was some enthusiastic waving going on above Scott's head, well above the shelves, and even more delighted squeeing:

"Mommy! Mommy! Look'er! Mommy!"

That produced a young woman with a shopping basket AND Alan, running to him from the opposite side of the isle. He transferred the eager girl into her mother's arms in a fluid motion and reached out without looking again, to stop Allie from colliding with him full force. Alan bounced in place and looked up at him quizzically. Scott put an arm around the boy's shoulders. He saw the mother's eyes widen in surprise, once she was done thanking him for helping out a lost Polly.

"Oh, is he yours? So big already!"

Scott's hand tightened on Alan’s skinny shoulder on instinct. He could see the boy's face shift from curiosity to confusion. And it could be a matter of seconds before confusion gave way to anger or worse - tears.

Scott himself was used to that. He was getting those questions ever since Mom was gone and he had to pick Allie up from nursery after his own classes. Tall for his age, athletic and marred by grief and way too many worries - he was definitely spawning a "teen Dad" rumor among the pick up line Moms and babysitters more than once. He didn't have the energy to explain to anyone not in the know back then, no more than he had the energy to explain their whole situation now.

"Um... Alan is ten. You have a Merry Christmas, Polly! Don't get lost again!"

He could see the math recalculated in an instant behind the young woman's eyes, as she counted silver threads at his temples, stark in supermarket lights, and dark circles under his eyes towards a higher age bracket she thought he was. He wasn't. Dad's explosion in Zero-X and everything that followed added to the silver That Place wove into his hair. And he hadn't been doing much sleeping anymore. He didn't think he ever would again. Before the conversation could lead any further down those lines, he offered another polite smile and steered Alan away toward the exit.

Scott managed to order a hovercab without breaking a stride. The original plan was to walk back to Tracy Tower, maybe look at some Christmas window exhibits. They spent the afternoon gift shopping for everyone back at home and Scott could tell Alan was getting tired. But the boy seemed exited for their special time together, even if part of it was spent in the boring opulence of the family law-firm. Scott promised to cook dinner, not wanting to foster with baby brother his own habit of take-away Tai and more work crunched through the night.

Now, pressed to the window of the cab, small frame leaning away from Scott (a fact that was sending sharp pangs through his chest), Allie was quiet and listless.

"Are you my Dad now?"

Alan was still looking outside the window.

Scott was seriously dreading that conversation, but the incident at the store, apparently, accelerated the inevitable.

He reached a hand to ruffle soft blond hair. Then landed his palm between hunched little shoulderblades. Alan didn't flinch, which was maybe a good sign.

"Allie! Dad is always Dad. But I am your guardian now, and I will do EVERYTHING to protect you! Just as always!"

Small bony shoulders shifted in a sigh. Alan was puffing fog on the glass and drawing shapes with his finger. The hovercab stopped by the entrance to Tracy Tower, but Scott made no move to break the moment and leave just yet.

"Can I call you Dad sometimes? I told Nikky you were my Dad, back in Kansas. Mom didn't come to pick me up, so I didn't want to not have Dad pick me up too, so I told him you were Dad. Is it okay?"

The words came out a bit jumbled and interlaced with pending tears. Huge blue eyes turned to look at Scott finally, anxious and glistening. His own eyes were burning. So was his heart. His very soul.

"Oh, Allie... Of course it's okay! Always!"

His arms opened invitingly and were instantly filled with a crying child. He leaned down to press a kiss on the top of blond head and hug the boy closer, wrapping his coat around a little trembling body. It took a moment to conquer his own heaving sobs, but he still didn't trust his voice at full volume.

"I love you so much, kiddo! I've got you!"

Scott ended up just carrying Alan, quiet by then, but firmly clinging to him, to the penthouse, while a concerned head of security shift helped out with the shopping bags. Allie was probably feigning sleep - Scott didn't care. He toed off his own shoes, shrugged off the coat, settled against his headrest, the child still in his arms, and shifted to tighten his hold. There would be no sleep for him that night either, but that was just as well. He had been watching over little Allie (and little Gordy) since he was born and a tenfold that after they lost Mom. No name or legal capacity could change much about that, till Scott was breathing.

He wasn't anyone's son, though. Not anymore. Not ever. And that made breathing so much harder.

[criswritessometimes]

70's sleaze

contents - ted’s name your price character, flirting, a wee bit of pining

author’s note // ok, name your price with ted’s character on it is the reason i started this blog. don’t look at me that way. also, i work in film and tv but on the art department side, so if many sound people out there notice anything wrong, uhhh, whoops! tell me what it is and i will fix it :).

(some sound terms so no one lost, lav mic is the small hands-free mic usually clipped to clothing and hair mic are similar to lavs but typically sit on the forehead and are threaded through the head and down the neck)

you loved your job; you really did. you’d been working in los angeles in film and tv for the last 2-ish years and were on some more niche projects, but you were doing what you loved (and getting paid), and that’s all that mattered. 

that leads to today. one of your friends had hooked you up with a pa job for a project called ‘name your price.’ you were working with ferdinand on the sound team; basically, he wanted an assistant to fix mics and battery packs on screen while he was focused on audio cues. it was a simple job and mostly sitting around with him talking. you glanced at the levels on the mics occasionally and kept seeing mic four acting up. the guy would speak, and his input was low even though his fader was all the way up. you lean into ferdinand and whisper, “during the first break, i’m gonna check mic four. the levels are weird on it.” he nods in agreement, “mic four is on ted; he’s at the furthest podium.”

the break comes, and you have a minute and a half to try and fix the mic. you get out of your seat, walking over behind the podiums, and tap ted on the shoulder; he’s a lot taller than you thought. “umm excuse me,” he turns to you, “uhh hi ted, i’m (y/n), i’m part of the sound team. your mic is giving us weird levels, and i was wondering if i could check your mic pack?” you explain. ted looks you up and down with his eyes peeking over the top of his sunglasses, still in character. “anything for you doll.” he hands you the mic pack as he dances to the music and chats with the other contestants. you fiddle with the mic pack, setting it to channel 5 and turning up the sensitivity to see if that changes anything. “ted you you speak into your mic? we just need to check levels.” you ask him. ted turns back to you, “of course i can sugar.” as he’s speaking, you’re looking over at ferdinand to get a thumbs up that levels are better. you don’t get it, and have 15 seconds until the break is over. “ok,” you say to yourself. ted still has his attention on you. “you can stop talking. try and be a little quieter this next segment. your mic is being really weird. i’ll be back to fix it.” you explain to him while closing the back of the mic pack . “is it ok if i put this back on you?” you ask. “go ahead; you know it best.” ted replies, a little less in character. he turns around, and you move his jacket to clip it back to the back of his pants. 

you walk back off screen to look at the levels. “do you mind if i?” you whisper, referencing playing with the faders on the sound board. “be my guest.” ferdinand replies, focused on hitting the multiple sound cues austin wanted from him. you move your chair closer to the soundboard and the connected monitor. you know the basics of sound mixing and what audio levels should look like, and hopefully, that’s enough. after a bit of tweaking, which was more complicated than you anticipated since ted isn’t speaking consistently, you pull the mic to a somewhat happy medium. however, you are going to have to turn the receiver down on the mic pack again. 

the next break comes, and you walk back over to ted. he’s dancing as he sees you and gives you a sleazy smile while visibly looking you up and down again. “hi ted, it’s me again.” you greet. “ahh my favorite crew member.” he greets. “may i see your mic pack again?” you ask. “of course sugar.” he dances to face the opposite way so you can grab it. he turns back to you, and you’re dancing along with him in a simple side-to-side as you tune the receiver down a hair. looking up at him, “can i speak into your mic?” you ask. he nods, “go for it,” while his eyes peer over his sunglasses. you move him to the side a little so you can look over to ferdinand, “woah take a guy to dinner before you start throwing me around!” he exclaims as he’s taken off balance slightly. your face softens, “oh, i’m so sorry, i didn’t notice i almost knocked you over.” you apologize. he breaks character and puts his hand on the side of your upper arm. “hey, don’t sweat it, i’m just fuckin’ with you.” you lean into his chest, looking up at him. “oh so no dinner?” you tease and see a very faint blush appear on his neck. you had to admit, he was quite attractive and the 70s-sleazeball character was doing something for you. you look back at ferdinand waiting for the thumbs up. you play with the receiver nob on the pack until you get the thumbs up for him. “umm i mean yeah sure.” ted stuttered out, “yeah dinner sounds great.” “am i making you nervous ted?” you ask, moving around him to place his pack back in his belt. “what no, we’ll talk later.” he recovers. you wink back at him as you walk off-screen as the break ends. you can see him getting back into character and trying to shake the blush off.

the rest of the show is going well, and you’re really happy you got the job from your friend. you were still paying attention to the mic levels and only had to change the batteries in austin's mic so far. during the chat the bed segment, ted starts taking fake pills from will and you stare at his hands as he makes sure the camera sees them and pops them in his mouth. it felt like your brain short-circuited; you can only imagine what his hands would feel like gripping your hips, then slowly moving up to your waist and kneading at you- “fuck, hey (y/n).” ferdinand pulls you out of your daze as you look at the levels and would you believe it, ted’s mic is super low even though the faders are almost all the way up. you shake your head as you try and vanish the thoughts, well at least for now, and focus on your job. “can we just change the mic?” you ask him. “i think we only have one other mic pack.” ferdinand whispers back. “cool so i need to change the pack right?” you clarify. he gives an iffy pause, “you may just want to take the lav from him, but the only other mic we have is a hair mic.” “i mean i know how to put one on an actor if thats the only option.” you explain, finding the years of theater in high school and sticking mics on your classmates was paying off. “that’d be great, thanks (y/n).” and ferdinand pats your shoulder. as the segment continues, you find the mic pack, the hair mic, the tape for the wire, and bobby pins, in the box production gave you for the shoot. you’re standing up, ready for the next break since you only had 2 minutes for the whole operation. 

the show starts the next break, and ted locks eyes with you immediately and points to his mic. you’re walking over to him to begin to explain what you’re doing. “ok,” you reach him and start ripping your tape into smaller pieces. “so we’re changing your mic and i’m going to give you a hair mi-” you look up and him and realize, again he’s a lot taller than you. without thinking, you grab his wrist and pull him off stage to have you sit in your seat. “so we’re giving you a hair mic,” you start your explanation up again, “is it ok if i touch your neck and hair?” you ask. “please, go for it.” he replies, a little quicker than you’d be used to. “what do you need me to do?” he asks, looking up at you. “take your lav and mic pack off and hand it to ferdinand. please and thank you.” you answer, and you start to work. as he’s taking the first mic off, you have bobby pins between your lips as you position the head of the mic on his forehead. you tape the wire down, snake it across his scalp, and bobby pin it in his hair so it's less likely to fall out. the mic snakes down his neck. you gently press pieces of tape on the back and side of his neck with the back of your knuckles as a way to respect his boundaries. “stand up for me please.” you instruct him. he does. “i’m gonna clip the new pack in the same spot on your belt,” you reach around him and do so, “also try not to mess with your hair too much, i placed the mic in with bobby pins, and you can’t see it from above and i don’t want it falling out.” you plead. “oh yeah, of course. thank you for changing it quickly (y/n). you're my favorite crew member.” he pats the side of your shoulder, winks, and then walks back on stage. you’re left feeling like you passed out and woke up to ted winking at you since you got super into your working headscape. well at least you remembered the wink. 

everything for the rest of the show is going well; ted is messing with his hair, but not to the extent that you've seen him do it before he got the new mic. throughout the show, you can see ted glancing over to you as a part of the pill addict character he’s playing, having a breakdown and looking off into space. you’re not sure if he’s looking at you or just your general direction. still, you tell yourself he’s looking at you. the breaks come and go, and ted is either dancing in the main space with the other contestants, talking to you briefly, or asking how the audio looks. his smile is so soft, and his mannerisms are so goofy you can't help but lean your head and gaze into his eyes as you chat.

during the last break for the live stream and before the haunted board segment, you walk around checking the cast's batteries on their packs. you reach ted's podium, and before you walk over to austin and will, he grabs your upper arm and pulls you over to him. his grip didn’t hurt; it just surprised you. “i have an idea for a bit for the last segment, you in?” he asks, whispering into your ear. you look back up at him and nod, “sure, why not.” he releases you, cheesing and dancing, knowing he’s still on camera.

the last segment starts with will being taken off stage for ‘illegally selling prescription pills’, mainly to ted. he claims to be by the rv park selling more after the show. ted walks over to Will, asking about the pills, and dry swallows one as he walks back to his podium and makes sure the camera sees it. the camera doesn't see the glance behind ted's sunglasses, which makes you feel like a meal to be eaten, akin to the pill. you swallow, trying to suppress the blush creeping onto your face. as you avert your gaze back to the levels to get a hold of yourself. until you hear austin ask, “can we get sound out here, ted is having mic issues.” you look at ferdinand, and he looks back at you, nodding his head towards the stage. you stand and walk over with tape in your hand and see the problem. ted messed with the mic so much it was undone from his hair. as you get closer to him, he takes you into a fake headlock and starts asking for more pills frantically; this must have been the bit. “more pills or i’ll kill like i did to that man in gainesville florida!” you look shocked and panicked as your face reddens as he was actually choking you a little and the other contestants back away from ted. austin sees the bit and plays into it. he looks at you, “(y/n), isn't it?” you nod. he looks up towards ted, “ok ted, just let (y/n) go and the pills that will be in your trailer, ok?” he’s slowly creeping up on the both of you, getting closer. ted thinks it over, and you feel his grip loosen on your neck. you take a deep breath, and his arm releases you from the hold. you fake fall onto the ground and scamper away behind the curtain. “ok, ted and (y/n) real funny,” austin says, “but can we get someone to fix his mic?” you come back out and walk over to ted. he smiles down at you. “sorry if that was too much.” he apologies. you motion for him to bend down slightly so you can fix the placement of the mic, “its ok, it was funny.” you replace his tape and walk behind the curtain again, making your way around the side of the stage to join ferdinand again at the sound table.

as the last segment comes to an end and wubby is named the winner, the cast mill about waiting for the broadcast to end, and you're doing the same so you can pack up and go. to you, it’s always fun to have an on set flirt or crush for a project. ted was a good player for the whole thing. everyone who has a mic comes over to the sound table to give it back, with ted being the last one. he sets it on the table, and his hand brushes yours, “hey i can uhh walk you to your car, i know it’s getting pretty dark outside.” he offers. you smile at him, “yeah i’ll met you outside the studio when i’m done.” he grins and walks off. you coil the mic wires up, place them with their corresponding mic pack, and take the batteries out of the pack before putting them back into the audio box labeled ‘mics’ in old painter's tape. ferdinand puts the small soundboard into the big storage bin production gave you along with the mic box. “is that it?” you ask. “i think so, hey it was great to work with you, hope you see you around more.” ferdinand extends a hand for you to shake, you do, “yeah, the same to you, this was a really fun project. If you're on it in the future, please let me know.” he chuckles, “you’ll be the first person i contact, i'll get your number from the call sheet.” you both release your hands as you grab your personal bag, wave by to ferdinand and walk out of the studio, seeing ted waiting for you. you see ted standing outside the studio doors, checking his phone and waiting for you. he looks up when he hears footsteps and smiles when he sees you. “hey ready?” he checks. “yeah, i’m pretty sure, if not i hope production will keep it for me or i guess i’ll see it on ebay in a few days.” you joke starting to walk out of the building with him. ted chuckles at your joke, and you feel a warmth in your chest from his laugh. the both of you reach the door to the building and leave. the parking lot is still dark even with the 2 light poles. “well, lead the way!” he instructs then follows you to the other side of the lot. “i was always told to take a spot far away from the building.” you tell him. “really? where’d you learn that?” he asks in disbelief. “oh i was lying I was just running late and this was the first spot i saw.” you confess as the both of you walk up to your car, he can tell it’s yours when you unlock it, and the headlights flash. “oh alright.” he tuts out. as the both of you stand there, you’re not quite sure what to say. you want to see him again but not on set, like dinner or drin- “hey if it isn’t weird,” ted starts breaking your inner struggle, “but would you like to get dinner sometime, you seem cool and i’d like to get to know you better.” “yes!” it quickly falls out of your mouth. you clear your throat, “i mean yeah, that would be great, it would be great to get to know you better.” you stand there for a minute as he puts his phone out for you to put your contact information in. you take his phone and type your number in then handing it back to him. “well, i’ll be seeing you.” he sheepishly says starting to walk off. “see ya!” you yell and wave towards him. when you get settled in your car, you take a minute and breathe. a smile starts to foam on your face from the day, and you feel a buzz in your pocket. 

from: 213 555 8620

hey, it’s ted :)